6 comments/ 15113 views/ 3 favorites Prepare, Eat and Enjoy MREs Ch. 01 By: SunrockSin By now everyone within a few hundred miles of Houston have heard of them and I guess many of these people have actually tried them, but, for the people not fortunate enough to fall within the path of a recent hurricane or not part of a military organization I thought I might offer some how to hints on preparing, eating and enjoying MREs. Again, for those of you not familiar with the basic MRE, it is an acronym for Meal Ready to Eat, the ingenious prepackaged meals enjoyed by military personnel and more recently by hurricane and other disaster survivors. Like any project worth undertaking, the enjoyment of the basic MRE requires several important phases: 1.) Procurement, 2.) Preparation, 3.) Eating and 4.) Other Forms of Enjoyment. In this chapter we will discuss the first three phases. Procurement Procurement of MREs is not exceedingly difficult. Military personnel usually are handed MREs when they are sent on a mission where food services may not be available. They typically will get these whether they want them or not. Civilians can actually buy MREs at a variety of outdoors type businesses, however, I have not had an opportunity to check the pricing for these items so I can't attest to whether these are economical or not. I dare say that most civilians will obtain the MREs after waiting in various lines for various lengths of time. Typically these lines are found at POD sites, POD is an acronym for Point Of Distribution, or as I observed, at least in the early days of the hurricane recovery, Point Of Disorganization. Okay, okay, after I got turned away from two sites when either the personnel or supplies did not show up at the assigned distribution points and after I waited at a site for nearly four hours for the personnel to show up late, they did get themselves organized. Anyway, the POD is basically a collection of trailers containing ice, water and MREs where, hopefully, either the National Guard or volunteers will place the ice (two bags), water (one case) and MREs (one box of 12 meals ready to eat) in your car. Of course once you are loaded up, it's time to head home and get cooking. Preparation Once you get home with the provisions and safely pack away the water and ice, it is time to start preparing your meals. While the MREs may be packaged differently (we actually have received them in a brown box of twelve meals and in white boxes). The box is most likely strapped with two plastic straps which are easily cut away letting you open the box by hand. I don't recommend cutting the boxes open because you might cut into the contents inside which can create a mess. Inside the brown box you'll find twelve different menu choices, our box included two vegetarian selections. Have each person in your dinner party make their selection and then spread out as much as you can to keep from getting the numerous packets, boxes, and pouches mixed up. Each person will need to tear open their main pouch, keeping the empty pouch as a trash bag. Inside there will be one or two boxes, each containing a pouch of food for heating, several other pouches containing bread, crackers or other snacks, some type of dessert pouch or packet and finally a packet holding napkins, matches, sweetener, non-dairy creamer, salt and pepper and in some meals you actually get your own cute little bottle of Tabasco Sauce. Additionally, there will be a transparent packet holding a rectangular white thing inside, this is the heating packet. Yes, you heard me correctly, these MREs actually have a means of heating themselves. There you are, no power, light or gas for miles and you are about to eat a hot meal, and yes I mean hot. All you have to do is tear off the top of the heating packet (the packet is marked where to tear), slide in your food pouch or pouches (the ones you want to heat) making sure both pass over the top of that white rectangular thing in the heating packet. Once your food pouches are inside the heating packet, you will need to add just a couple of ounces of water (there are two lines at the bottom of the heating packet, fill to between the two lines). Immediately after adding water you will hear a bubbling and feel the heat. Quickly fold over the top of the heating packet, slide it back into one of the boxes you removed the food pouch from and then hold the box horizontally making sure the white rectangular thing faces downward. Hold it here for a minute and then lean it up against something with the folded part of the heating packet facing upward. While you wait, you can look through your other pouches and packets and you'll find an assortment of bread, crackers, desserts and drink mixes that you can prepare for your dinner. After about ten to fifteen minutes you can slide your food pouches out of the heating packet, tear them open and carefully pour your hot meal onto a plate or into a bowl. You are now ready to eat your delicious meal, but wait, that is part of chapter two. Prepare, Eat and Enjoy MREs Ch. 02 How to Prepare, Eat and Enjoy MREs (Chapter 02) Well, presuming you have read chapter one of How to Prepare, Eat and Enjoy MREs, you are ready to begin eating. Actually, if you are like me, you started eating the snacks and bread before your meal had time to fully heat, but either way you actually are in for a treat. Yes, once you pour your heated food pouches onto your plate or into your bowl and once you got over the less than haute presentation of the food, you take your spoon (provided in your MRE) and dig in. Eating The first thing you will notice is that, hey, this food is not all that bad, in fact, it can be actually quite tasty. With selections like beef ravioli, beef patty, beef stew, grilled chicken, cheese omelet, vegetarian cannelloni, and others, it will take some time before you get tired of any selection. These meals are designed for soldiers, so between the main course, side dishes, snacks, dessert and drink you should get enough to fill you up. Okay, okay, perhaps the reason this food tastes so good is because you have been living off of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, canned tuna or chicken and a warmed over shoe would taste wonderful just now. You just have to remind yourself, that it's not just the food that is important, it's the company and here you are sharing a romantic meal beneath the moonlight (we won't mention that the moonlight is the only light you have). Yes the MRE has brought you and your lover together (get those kids to bed) and it is time to really enjoy your MRE. Enjoyment Here you are, simply bored out of your minds with no internet, no TV or radio and darkness setting in at 8 pm. You have hours to go before you fall asleep and are in dire need of something to do. Well, now it's time to look a bit harder at your MRE and see what kind of enjoyment you can find. Of course you will want to explore the MRE with your lover, wife (husband), girlfriend (boyfriend) or both. To be sure and keep cool you will want to slip out of your clothes before going through the assortment of possibilities that came in your MRE. First of all there is matches and while the MRE did not supply candles, perhaps you might find one nearby. Simply light up the candle and look upon your lover through the flickering candlelight and you'll rise (or moisten) to the occasion. Yes, a quick kiss or caress is appropriate at this time. Ah, but before you get carried away, let's look back into the MRE. Remember those little Tabasco Bottles? Well, as long as you keep the spices clear of her sensitive moist spots you both could spice up the night. Imagine following a trail of spicy, wet droplets leading you up from her belly button, over her breasts and up to her nipples. Or you can travel up his thigh, over his balls and spiral around his shaft. Once the Tabasco runs out (it is a tiny bottle) you might find the cheese spread pouch. Yeah, remember the cheese whiz? Well here you go, simply squeeze out a trail of cheese and follow it all over your partner's body. If you don't like cheese whiz, you can find the barbeque sauce packet, I mean what would be better than a barbequed breast or thigh on a moonlit night. You might get lucky and find a bit of beef jerky in your MRE, that rough little play thing might be just the right texture to slide over the soft skin of her breast, or his inner thigh. If the jerky is too rough textured to tease your lover try the taste of it with a light basting of pre-cum for the ladies or a taste of her wetness for the gentleman. A quick slip of the finger should give you the juices you need to dab on your jerky. One of the MREs had Reese's Pieces, which distributed over a naked body makes a wonderful trail for a tongue to follow and hey, if he mistakes another tiny nub for a piece and begins licking who will complain. Of course if delicately handled, all the wonderful MRE items can lead to a very satisfying and hopefully climatic evening. Who knows, even in the midst of the hurricane's destruction you might create a few earthquakes of your own. All that and when you finish you can chew the Chicklets gum in each MRE.