48 comments/ 48472 views/ 34 favorites How to Survive Depression By: Emerald_Dragon One of the bad things about depression is that it can sneak up on you and blindside you when you least expect it. Another bad thing is that you may not realize that you have it until your entire life is unraveling around you. Consider too that there are a lot of different kinds of depression: seasonal, manic, post-partum and more. My symptoms were not the classic signs of depression. I did not stay in bed all day with my head under the covers. I was irritated. Everything irritated me: my kids, my husband, my dog, the way my cloths fit, my job. Another major symptom was that I lost all coping abilities. My daughter would spill milk on the table and my day was ruined along with any kind of positive mood. The moral to that paragraph is that you don't have to have all of the classic symptoms to be depressed. Do some research or just go to step #1. This leads me to step number one of surviving depression. 1) Talk to a doctor. Yes I know, the easiest thing in the world right? NOT. Actually going to the doctor and saying I am depressed and I need help was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Probably the only reason I did was: I was scared of how I acted with my kids and my husband said get help or move out, without the kids. 2) Get your medication and keep trying till you get it right. Once you get to the doctor and get some anti-depressants everything is peachy, right? No, sorry but It doesn't work that way. The first medication I took helped a great deal but I was nowhere near one hundred percent. The dosage was upped once and then twice helping a bit more each time. Two years later I got a new doctor (we moved, I didn't actually seek one out) and she kept me on the original medication and had me try another along with it. HOLY HELL what a difference it made. The sun shone down and the angels sang in four part harmony. Two days on my new meds and I was a different person. I was awake for the first time in two years and I was horny as hell (much to the delight of my much neglected husband). You may think that one kind of medicine is all you need but I discovered that there are THREE different chemical pathways of the brain that can all be malfunctioning; one at a time or in any combination. This means THREE different types of anti-depressants that you take one at a time or in any combination. Do not think that you can't ask to try something else if you feel that it is not working for you. If your doctor won't work with you FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR. 3. Try a therapist at least once or twice. If you can't afford one check out one of the pastors/priests/rabbi in your area. Yes I did this, I called a total stranger and asked them to help me, and you know what? She was available to me immediately, on a Saturday, on her day off, she dropped everything to help this sobbing stranger on the phone. I don't remember her name at the moment but she is one of those people that I will never forget and will always be grateful to. I know you are thinking --hey I have my meds now everything is going to be great and I shouldn't have to do anything else. WRONG. Chances are that the relationships around you have taken a beating and so has your own emotional self. You may have withdrawn from everyone around you and you need an outside party to help you figure things out. Could be you only need to go a couple of times, or a couple of times a week. Which ever it is don't shortchange yourself from getting the help you need. 4. DON'T STOP TAKING YOUR MEDS WHEN YOU START FEELING BETTER. My doctor warned me that the first drug I was taking was one of those that you take for a while and it builds up and maintains a steady amount in your body. The withdrawal symptoms could be WORSE than the depression itself. The second was one that acted in much the same way. Talk to your doctor if you want to get off your meds and they will tell you the best way to do it and can monitor you. These are definitely strong drugs that you are dealing with and you need to treat them with respect. My doctor warned me too, that although it was post-partum depression I was dealing with I had enough history of depression in my immediate family that I could have triggered something in my genetics and be on meds for a long time. (And yes I think people like Tom Cruise who have the gall to criticize people that have gotten help (Brooke) should be locked in a small room with ME, OFF OF MY MEDS until they realize what idiots they are. If God ever grants me one wish it would be that people like him experience post-partum depression in all it's glory so they can see what it is like.) 5. Be active in your recovery. Do research to find out more about your type of depression and the best ways to treat it. Join a support group. Do what you need to do to stay healthy and realize that sometimes everything else must take a backseat to you working on the problem. Everyone around you will benefit from you staying healthy. 6. Try not to strangle friends and family when they offer well meant advice, comments or do anything else completely stupid about your depression. Depression is a disease. In some cases it is temporary and can go away. In many others the 'hard wiring' of your brain is off and you are not making enough of the right chemicals. The only way to fix this is to take your meds. Sometimes you think you have it licked and you end up facing the same problem again. Most people don't realize that some people can never be cured. Short term depression does happen and you can get off the meds, end the therapy and live happily ever after. For the rest of us, we will be living with it for a long time. It is a chronic condition that can be managed quite well. My own mother who has suffered from depression, and holds a Masters degree in mental health keeps asking me if I am off my medications yet. HELLO she should know better, but apparently doesn't. After putting up with it for so long I simply told her that I didn't appreciate her comments as they made me feel that I should be able to cure my depression all by myself; which was like telling a schizophrenic that they could stop taking their meds and be fine. Furthermore her comments were undermining the fact that I was taking my meds to make me feel better and maintain my health. I also told her that my doctor was the one who would help me make the decision of if and when I would go off them. She shut up about it and hasn't said anything since. It is nice. Be polite but be firm. You and your doctor know what is best for you. And they need to but out. 7. Express your appreciation regularly to the people that stuck with you. My husband did not divorce me. I WOULD HAVE DIVORCED ME. He stuck with me because he loved me and cared enough about me and our kids to help me work it out. He is regularly thanked and gets laid all the time. (He loves my new meds as much as I do!) I would love to hear comments from you. (With the exception of Tom Cruise of course, unless it is an apology to me and every other female and family member that has been effected by depression. A box of chocolates would be nice too, Tom.) Keep in mind that I am not a medical professional and my advice is just that...advice. Stay healthy. How to Survive Depression Pt. 02 I have received so much positive feedback from people that I decided to share some more tips that I forgot about the first time around and some great advice from some of my readers. Thanks to everyone that left comments and emails. It is really great to get such a positive response from so many people. It does great things for my ego! * 1) Depression kills the sex drive. At least it did for me. My husband was lucky to get laid 3 or 4 times a month and I was to tired, stressed and feeling completely undesirable. I went through two pregnancies and one miscarriage without permanently gaining any weight. Then my depression hit. It was harder to exercise with two small children and a husband working at a failing small business 14 hours a day. I gained 60 lbs and have yet to loose it. Combine the feeling of being completely undesirable with depression and you have a frustrated spouse. So how do you rescue your sex life now that your medication/therapy/alternative medicine is starting to work? a) Make sure that your medication isn't affecting your sex drive. The chances of sexual side effects with anti-depressants are pretty high. I personally haven't had a problem but when my husband went on Zoloft he had problems. For the first time I got to experience it from the other side. It sucked! My sex drive was bouncing back to normal and his nose dived. I got to experience constant 'I am not in the mood hun' and it was really frustrating. Fortunately a change in medication took care of the problem but it was defiantly and eye opening experience for me. b) Revive your interest in non-sexual intimacy. Sex isn't just about the physical act but also about connecting on an emotional level. My husband and I started trying to be more physically affectionate with each other. I love it when he comes up behind me when I am doing dishes and hugs me from behind and kisses the back of my neck. Touch is the first sense that develops in a fetus and it continues to be important through out your life. NON-SEXUAL TOUCHING IS GOOD FOR YOU and for me it makes me more receptive later for sex. I need hugs and signs of affection more than the hubby does but I sometimes have to ASK for it. He is not a mind reader and sometimes just needs a gentle reminder. 2) Communicate with your spouse. My husband and I started talking a lot more about sex after he switched medications. I don't know about you but I am the one to start conversations like that the majority of the time rather than the hubby. Supposedly it is a male/female thing, women talk more. Any way after having my eyes opened we talked about it and I called his doctor and he got switched and things improved. Another thing that got talked about was the fact that my weight gain bothered me. I decided that even though I didn't like my weight, I liked sex and I wanted more. I relaxed a bit about my appearance and ya know what? My husband still wanted me. He would like me to loose weight but more from a 'I want you to feel better about it and be healthier' standpoint. He is overjoyed to be getting some nookie 3 to 4 times a week on average and so am I. Better communication has also led to better sex. We actually began talking again about what turned us on and fantasies and such. Talking led to trying some new things. Sex is actually fun again and we rediscovered that the best sex organ in the body is the brain. Don't be afraid to seek help outside the bedroom if reconnecting is hard for you. Sex therapists are trained to help you rediscover this part of your life. If your relationship has taken a beating you may need a little help to jumpstart this physical and emotional intimacy. Don't be afraid to ask for help. It may be weird to talk to an outsider about sex but the rewards will be worth it. 3) MAKE SURE YOU GET A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP. It seems that there is a direct correlation between depression and sleep that doctors are trying to unravel. These two things are so intertwined that it has been determined that: depression messes with your sleep patterns, making the depression worse AND sleep problems like apnea can be a source of depression, and/or make an existing problems worse. Sleep can be overlooked as a lesser problem with the mess that depression is making in your life. Don't overlook it. I have always needed more sleep than most. Nine to ten hours is my optimal amount. But the quality I was getting sucked. I would have no problem getting to sleep but I would wake up every two hours or so. You definitely need the deep sleep and the REM cycles. I either didn't get there or it was interrupted. Fortunately my medication alleviated this problem a great deal. I still struggle with it but I am finding that increased exercise and keeping on a consistent sleep schedule is helping quite a bit. Gone are the days where I could sleep till noon on a Saturday (not that two kids doesn't kill that too). It is a proven fact that sleep deprivation is very harmful. Most American's don't get enough as it is and if the quality sucks it can create problems or make existing problems worse. Do some research on the subject and find something that works for you. And don't be afraid to talk to your doctor/therapist about it and get advice and/or change in meds if that seems to be a problem. 4) AVOID ALCOHOL and over the counter drugs that are mood altering. I don't drink alcohol and never have. Except for communion wine which sucked. The reason for this is that my dad is an alcoholic and I got to see first hand how it could screw up your life. Luckily he went to treatment when I was sixteen and has been sober for 20 years now. He discovered through AA that many of the over the counter drugs that you take for cough, colds, or the flu are mood altering and could set off cravings. The man couldn't even use Listerine which has alcohol in it. Alcohol is a depressant and most definitely screws with your mood. If you have depression, AVOID IT COMPLETELY as it will make it worse. Both of the medications that I am on can cause drowsiness and alcohol would intensify that. For that reason too I would give it up when you are on meds, drug interactions are nothing to be messed with, you are trying to get the brain on the right track not derail it completely. 5) Exercise. Now I am not talking join a gym and work out for hours everyday although if you have the time go ahead. I try to sneak in a walk on my lunch break at least three times a week. I have been having mild back problems since pregnancy #2 and I am lucky that my insurance covers my chiropractor visits. (I have a degenerative disk that if I am careful won't get worse). It also helps that my kids are older and need less supervision so I can do things like mow the lawn when it is just me and them at home. (It is kinda fun actually and quite a workout as we have small hills and a small push mower.) Find something that you like to do. And hey, walking is free!! And you could do something like aerobics or yoga at home where you can look ridiculous and don't have to worry about an audience. (I don't know about you but I am still pretty self-conscious about stuff like that, always have been.) 6) Don't be afraid to try alternative medicine. Some of my commentators on my first story have had luck with alternative medicine such as acupuncture. Considering that the Chinese have been doing it for over four thousand years they must be on to something. There are also herbal remedies (let your doctor know what you are taking. Just remember that modern drugs have originated from herbs.) that you can try, teas and such. Especially teas that are designed to help with sleep. Regular chiropractic visits help for me. I didn't realize how much my lower back was hurting me until I went in for a neck issue and got a full adjustment. Low and behold my back was out too and my back felt so much better getting out of bed the next day. It helped me sleep better which helped everything else. My doctor recommended that I take a B vitamin supplement as well as a Vitamin E supplement. Apparently they help regulate mood and everyone should be taking them, not just those suffering from depression. FOR SEASONAL DEPRESSION I would recommend LIGHT THERAPY. My mother has an Ott-lite and swears by it. It simulates natural sunshine and helps the body cope with less light in winter. This is especially important in the northern part of the country. I live in Minnesota and when the days are less than 8 hours long in the winter, you go to work in the dark and drive home in the dark and it sucks! It also gets so damn cold that the last thing you want to do is go outside. My sister lives in Florida and we will never get her back to the Midwest for this reason. Her mood swings are greatly helped by the fact that she gets lots of sun. I use my Ott-lite for sewing and reading under in the evenings. 7) Make sure that your spouse or significant other gets help and support. When I was at the height of my depression I wasn't able to give the hubby any kind of emotional support. As things got better I tried to be understanding about 'guys night out', fishing and deer hunting. These were things that he enjoyed that relaxed him. Going out with the guys let him blow off steam without me around. Trusting my husband has never been hard for me. He does not drink very often and never to excess so I don't have to worry about him getting drunk and doing something stupid. Do support your spouse to see a therapist/Dr. , support group or just getting out of the house sometimes. It is very easy to get stuck in a rut and sometimes we just need a little kick to get us out of the door. Be willing to see a couples therapist if you need to. If your spouse will not go, GO BY YOURSELF. It seems a bit silly but you may learn some coping skills and better ways to act rather than react to things that are beyond your control. 8) Spend time together as a couple. My husband and I have started going on dates again. We get a sitter and generally do dinner and a movie. It is fun just to have some adult time together without the kids. We also get a chance to talk with each other about how we are doing without interruptions or distractions. Try also to reconnect with friends either as a couple or a single. Outside friendships are necessary and healthy. Chances are that you need to reconnect and start having fun again. * Thank you again to everyone that has written e-mails and comments. It is nice to know that the little piece I wrote on a whim has helped people out! Keep up the comments and ideas, they pretty much jump started part 2 and I couldn't have done it without you!