8 comments/ 73516 views/ 16 favorites Getting the Lover You Want By: Goldeniangel This is pretty much my sequel trilogy to "Getting Her Into Bed", which was a how-to for men in a relationship on how to treat their women so that their women want sex. I consider this a companion trilogy, the two will work best when combined, because for a relationship, both sides need to be working at it. So, as in "Getting Her Into Bed", we're going to start with the basics, which is the same as the basic for men. Don't forget about your partner. And now there are a bunch of women out there screaming at me. Seriously though, I never say it right out to the men, but that's what it's about. For women, we like the romancing a lot, the emotions, we want to feel that we are in bed with someone who cares about us. Sex is BECAUSE we feel loved and cared about. Unfortunately this can lead to a lot of problems, because men feel cared about because OF the sex. And of course, I'm making broad generalizations, but these stereotypes are based on what is true for a lot of people. So. We have a woman who wants to feel cared about before she has sex, and we have a man who wants to have sex so that he feels cared about. "Male pride" often has to do with sexuality, how good they are in bed, how often they're in bed, how they can brag to their friends about it all. Obviously, that's not the only reason they're with you, they're also with you because you're beautiful and sexy and you guys connect on a level that's the best thing that's ever happened to him. But part of that connection is going to be the sex. Men want to feel cherished and cared about just as much as us women do, they want things to be spontaneous and fun in bed, they want someone who finds them just as devastatingly sexy as they find their partner. Women are not always so good about showing this. There are MANY times when I have forgotten to admire my guy's looks (this may be because his body is often covered by a Spongebob Squarepants t-shirt, but that doesn't knock the fact that under that childish t-shirt is one hell of a bod!) And he feels very upset about this after awhile. Women are not the only ones body obsessed lately. In fact, I have run across more and more guys intent on getting "ripped" and "muscular", they're just as worried about their own looks as any woman. Most of the guys I know spend as long (if not longer) getting ready to go out. Unfortunately, this no longer includes my fiancé because he no longer feels the need to impress me, so what I did was drag him out to the store and made him get some nice clothes that didn't have cartoon characters or funny sayings on them. I reminded him that I want him to look nice for me... but there is another side to that. I also look nice for him. After having been together for some years it is so easy to fall into the habit of not looking your best, or of only trying for comfort. You've already got him, so why bother? I'll tell you why to bother, because right now there are younger women walking down the street thinking that he's oh so cute and that his complaints about his under sexual wife who no longer even does her hair in the morning are just pathetic. Again, I'm exaggerating, but the feelings there exist, just as much as they do on our part. Now, I'm not saying go all out with the make up and blah blah blah... actually, most guys prefer LESS of the make-up. But take some days where you just do yourself up to look STUNNING. Absolutely fab. And then make sure that he knows it's JUST FOR HIM. Get some outfits in his favorite colors, even if it's not yours. I recently stopped straightening my hair because my fiancé expressed his disappointment that I'd let go of my curls for such a long period of time. When he does notice an outfit, a hairstyle, or the way I did my eye-make up, I remember and I re-use it. Or at least, now I do because we finally figured out how to accommodate for each other. So what if you've been married for 5, 10 or 20 years? Get something crazy sexy and surprise him with it in the bedroom, I can guarantee that you will make his night. In order to get your man to treat you the way you want, you need to make him FEEL those things that you want him hear. Make him see your inner sexuality, make him notice just how fucking fantastic looking his girl his, make him want to brag about you. And make sure that he knows it's all for him, you are all his. What man wouldn't feel great with some gorgeous honey on his arm who's hanging all over him? Look good for him and let him know that you really like it when he looks good for you. Compliment those biceps, tell him how much you love that little bit of a gut that he's got. Take the things that you love about his body and lavish them with attention. Not only will it give him an ego-trip, it will remind him just what a great choice he made when he got together with you. Now, the compliments don't always work. Despite all my pouts and pleadings to the contrary, my fiancé does not at all believe me that I liked his belly better with a little bit of flab. But he does like that I insist on rubbing the tiny bit that's left after his martial arts training, and he definitely loves it when I grab his butt. Those are two of my favorite portions of his body, and man does he know it. Touch your man. Even if you aren't particularly touchy-feely person, that will just make it mean all the more to him. Let him know you're there, rub up against him, feel your sexiness and act like you're Catwoman just curling your body around him. Nothing is more guaranteed to drive a man more wild. And the response to this, is that you will suddenly be getting a lot more compliments. He'll smile when he sees you walking into the room, knowing that you're looking so damn hot for him. You'll feel his eyes lingering on you at all times. And chances are, you'll start acting like two teenagers in love again, only you won't be doing it in the back of his car. So. Next chapter I'm going to concentrate on the bedroom =) Getting the Lover You Want Ch. 02 Ok, so men are not always totally sexual beasts. In a relationship, they often need love making as much as us women. Or at least, some very loving words during sex. Personally, I am not a fan of love-making, I like it rough and hard and very dirty. But I like to cuddle afterwards. I know this is not true for all women, but I have noticed that there are a lot more guys complaining about the lack of intimacy in bed than I would have ever thought possible. I'm friends with a married couple. The woman professes herself to be a "non-sexual" type of person, and mostly she just wants quickies to get it over with. The man wishes that she would be more adventurous in bed and that they could make love more often, take their time about it. They've been married less than two years and are already seeing a marriage counselor. Personally, I think he needed to read "Getting Her Into Bed" and I think she needed to read this. No one is ever going to get everything they want in bed, but there are some key things that you can do to make things more enjoyable for both of you on a regular basis. One is be spontaneous. One of the best inventions I've ever found is those stupid little coupon booklets that you can get in almost any book store. You know the ones I'm talking about "Naughty or Nice", "Romantic Coupons", "Steamy Coupons"... or go make your own. I'm talking about those coupons that say "With this coupon I'll do all your favorite things until you can't take it anymore". THOSE kind of coupons. They are FANTASTIC. Give them to him for his birthday or Valentine's day. MAKE YOUR OWN. Because then you can include those things that you almost never do for him, that you'd maybe rather not do for him... and he'll see this ultimate profession of love that you would willingly give this to him. Choose some of his fantasies... although the coupon books you can buy provide for that too. Keep things spontaneous. Surprise him everyone once in awhile by jumping HIM. He'll LOVE it, I can guarantee. Spend the day getting yourself revved up, thinking sexual thoughts, reading some stories (hey, maybe read a story with him?) And then jump his bones! You'll be surprised at how more often he's suddenly wanting you soooooo bad. It's like creating a monster. First, you give him the great passionate sex that he's been wanting so bad. And all of the sudden you find that he wants it all the time... and so do you. Because it's spontaneous and fun, hot sex. Try to mix things up, do it a little differently for fun. Christen every room in your house! The other side benefit to this is that he's going to be a lot happier and so are you, because he's going to be treating you like the goddess that you are. Men feel loved when they have sex. Women want to have sex BECAUSE they feel loved. So the logical place to start is with sex, and then the men will start showing the love. Now the thing that I do have to stress is that please, PLEASE do not use sex as a bargaining tool. Unless it's a SEXY bargaining tool. "I'll give you a blowjob if you eat me out" is a little different than, "I'll have sex with you this weekend if you paint the house". That does NOT make a man feel cared about. That makes him feel like you WOULDN'T have sex with him UNLESS he does what you want. And that in turn makes him resentful, feel unloved, unattractive and not so thrilled with you. Obviously, this is not going to get you the lover that you want. However, you CAN use sex as a bargaining tool (and successfully!) For such things as: a back massage, a full body massage, a night of pussy licking, the fulfillment of one of your sexual fantasies, and anything else sexual and/or sensual. Other things you can do is silly things like, "If you cook dinner, I'll play with myself while you're doing it." Ok, so dinner might be burned, but in the meantime you'll probably be having a great time. And it'll surprise him. TRY to surprise him, he WANTS to be surprised. Men want to feel like sex gods just like women want to feel like sex goddesses. Do the unexpected. Here's some ideas to get you started: 1. Find an erotic story that YOU like and read it to him 2. Play a game of hide-and-seek with him - every time you find each other the person who was hiding has to take off a piece of clothing... after that you can use forfeits 3. Surprise him with a toy that's JUST for him - good ones are cock rings (they even make them with vibrators!), GoodHead (if he's into oral), or something that you think he'd enjoy using on you. 4. Ask him to come home for his lunch break and surprise him totally naked at the door! Or, in some very skimpy lingerie. 5. Get some of those great dice that have different body parts and what to do with them. The favorite pack I ever found actually had 3 dice: body parts, what to do, and WHERE to do it! 6. Suggest a game of poker - strip poker. Mix it up a little by each of you writing down some things to do as forfeits so that the game goes on long after you're both out clothes. Forfeits could include, "play with my breasts", "give me a lap dance", "lick my pussy" (usually you need to put a time limit on the forfeits until you get to the last one ;). All in all, what I'm saying is surprise him. And the reason to do this, especially with fun sexual stuff, is that then he's going to feel like a sex god. You want him, you need him, oh baby oh baby! And he's going to want you just as bad, and he'll respond to feeling this good about himself by wanting you to feel better about yourself too! Let him know just what a sexy stud he is, how bad you want him! Catch him when he's doing something he would've never expected to be a turn on - just back from the gym, out mowing the backyard, doing the dishes, recognize the sweet things that he does. Ok, so it's a little distracting when you're grinding your hips against him from behind while he's mopping the floor - who cares? I can bet that he doesn't! Now, don't forget the emotional stuff either. Talk to him, let him know you're interested in what went on during his day, don't forget to keep the lines of communication open! But in the meantime, the little times, try to do surprises. Slip some panties into his briefcase before he leaves for work, make him lunch for the next day and leave a sweet or sexy note in it, give him a call at some point and just whisper "I'm not wearing any panties" (or something like that) and hang up. First of all he'll have a smile on all day, and second of all he will be so excited to get home to his wonderful woman! Third and final chapter's next... I think I'll make it about once you're in the bedroom ;) --------------------------- please don't forget to vote and or leave comments! =) Thanks!