23 comments/ 178600 views/ 26 favorites Getting Her In Bed By: Goldeniangel This is for men who are actually in a relationship with a woman. I have no idea how you might go about getting a woman who's at a club in bed with you, but if you are so lucky as to take her home and start a relationship with her, then this might be a good essay for you to read. I want to dispel some of the notions that I've found men have about getting their girlfriends/fiances/wives into bed. I want to start with some DON'Ts. 1. Beg and/or whine. THIS IS NOT SEXY. We are with you because we want to be with a man, not a four year old child. DO NOT DO THIS. It will not work. If it does work, you have an extremely patient partner who is just doing it to get you off her back - and if she orgasms, she's faking it. Stop being a baby, you'll get sex a lot more often. 2. Act like a kid in a candy store. While this can be cute and endearing at first, the contrast of you to a kid in a candy store can make us feel a bit like pedophiles. Smile yes, huge goofy grin... not sexy. 3. Try the same ploy over and over and expect it to work. We like spontaneity too, you gotta work for it buster. 4. Interrupt us from something important. Ok, sometimes "no" does mean "yes", but NOT when we're in the middle of writing a report that's due tomorrow. While being interrupted from something because we're just too sexy is flattering, don't make the mistake of interrupted something that should NOT be interrupted. Those are just some of the basics. Now let's get into what DOES work (although I will grant you, it probably will not work every time). We want to be wooed guys. And by that I don't mean bring us flowers and chocolate and then EXPECT sex. Uh huh. That is sooooo transparent and again, not sex. We don't want you to expect anything of the sort from us... however if you bring us flowers and chocolate and make absolutely no move towards us... well, that we tend to find UNBEARABLY sexy. Do it because you love us and we'll think you're a god... do it for sex and we're going to find you a wee bit pathetic. Now, chocolate and flowers are not the only way to woo a girl. Do things that are unexpected... cook dinner for us when you've never cooked before. Have us come home to a clean house. Surprise us by laying out our best dress (or even better, buying us a new one that "you" chose - ie. You should probably take on of our friends) and taking us out to our favorite restaurant. Rent a chick flick and insist on watching it with us and some popcorn. All in all, surprise us. DON'T think of sex, don't think of it at ALL. Don't put the moves on us. Cuddle, kiss... and if we respond then maybe THINK about putting the moves on us. One of the things that I find absolutely irresistible is when my guy does something spontaneous and sweet and then walks away from me. I absolutely HAVE to jump him about 95% of the time. What ploys of yours work 95% of the time? Something women find almost irresistible is when a man shows a little mystery. When you do something amazing for us, or make us feel special and expect nothing in return, we want to know why. Why are you not trying to get into our pants? Why are you not expecting us to sleep with you tonight? Why? Why? Why? Which will probably lead to her trying to seduce YOU rather than the other way around. Tease us, toy with us. Bring us a rose at work, bring home our favorite dessert. Clean our car as a surprise. Most of all, don't make a big deal about it. Don't parade it around saying "See? How great am I!" Now, I don't recommend constantly using cleaning and cooking, because after awhile she will start to expect those things rather than seeing them as a treat. But there are a MILLION things you could do. What's her favorite romantic movie? Rent it and watch it with her. Take her out dancing, there is only one thing more sexy than a guy who knows how to dance. If you DON'T know how to, take her out to dance classes with you. A guy learning how to dance is the only thing sexier than a guy who already know how to dance. Compliment her. Notice when she's bought something new that looks fantastic on her. See something in a store that you think she'd love and just would have to have. BETTER, LISTEN to the subtle hints when she gushes "Oh! Look at that necklace! It's so beautiful!" When she insists that she doesn't need it, just say ok. Return a day later and buy it to surprise her with it. Buying it in front of her can be fun, but it's so much nicer when she thinks that you didn't pick up on her hint and then you shock her by showing that you did. We like the shock. And the fact that you listened and remembered. One of the best ploys by my fiancé was for my birthday. We went to an incredible restaurant and then to see "Phantom of the Opera" (I'm HUGE into theatre which he is NOT). When we got back he'd had my friends set up our bedroom with these amazingly soft 400-count sheets, rose petals everywhere and he went around and lit the multitudes of candles before letting me into the room. We got into a bubble bath where he washed my hair and we just relaxed for at least an hour. Afterwards I lay down on soft sheets and rose petals while he gave me a full body massage. Now, he did not get sex that night, but we spent all the rest of the next day in the bedroom. Patience, patience and more patience. You're on the hunt, but you have to draw the prey to you. This is part one, I'll be continuing soon with part two. I hope these essays help =) Getting Her In Bed Ch. 02 A continuation on how to get your girlfriend or wife or fiancé to be more amenable to your advances. Ok, so we've gone over not expecting sex for the sweet things you do. Now, what about other times? Well, to start off with, again, STILL don't expect sex. There's nothing sexier. Now I'm going to talk about using your friends and her friends to help you in your pursuits. First of all, don't ask for their help. That's not what I mean, instead you're going to demonstrate to them just how great you are. Compliments are fantastic when they come from you, they're even better when they're done in front of an audience. Think about it, your girl is standing there looking absolutely gorgeous in front of all your friends and you bellow out, "There's my gorgeous one! You look so fucking hot! Come over here and sit on my lap!" You think she's going to say NO??? Absolutely not! She's going to walk across the room strutting her stuff knowing that all eyes are one her, that all the men are now checking her out and all the women are wishing that their men had done the same thing. Compliments. Compliments, compliments, compliments. Ain't no faster way to a woman's heart when you are constantly saying how damn fine she looks. And if she's not looking damn fine, pick something else. Brag about the fantastic dinner she made you the night before, or the new hurdle she's jumped over at work, something in her life that not only shows that you paid attention to what she said but that you are proud of her for it too. Public regard that makes everyone else look at her enviously and see her as something great is going to make her feel great. And it's going to make her feel grateful... to YOU. The best way to get sex is to make a woman FEEL sexy. Who wants to have sex when they come home from a hard day's work, have a lackluster dinner, hang out with your friends doing the same old things and then crawl into bed? Parties and get togethers are the PERFECT time to start putting the moves on her. Now, especially if she has nothing wrong with PDA, make sure that you can' t keep your hands off her! Notice the sexy way her shirt clings to her breasts or how firm and round her ass looks, make sure to look at that sparkle in her eyes, the shine of her hair, think about what you'd like to be doing to her right now. See her inner sex goddess. Now, obviously if she's not into PDA or she considers it rude then keep it low key. Little touches, just so that she knows that you think she's absolutely so freaking sexy that you can't keep your hands off her. Just know the boundaries and don't push them. If your woman is a little bit of an exhibitionist then you'll have no problem. Maybe even cop a feel or two through out the night... and when she flirtatiously protests flirt back... "I just can't help myself, you're so sexy" (try to say it loud enough for her friends to hear), a wink, maybe another quick caress around her waist and then make sure that she catches your eye on her often. One thing to NOT do. DON'T brag about her prowess in bed, not when she's there. Chances are, this will just make her extremely embarrassed, not to mention that she'll probably then just think that you're trying to get in her pants. Which you are, but when it's obvious it ceases to be sexy. Just because you're attached to us doesn't mean that the flirtation and the games have to end. The chase is what made it fun in the first place, YOU CAN STILL CHASE. Try to be subtle, to tease, to flirt, make her feel special, give her that little thrill of being admired and wanted. On the way home make sure that you mostly keep your hands to yourself, eye her a lot, compliment, tell her how the guys all said she looked incredible and they were jealous. Any little tidbits to up the ante on how special and wonderful she feels. Hell, if you can do it, find a copy of "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric Clapton and croon it to her on the way home. It's cheesy but it's romantic and if you do it playfully then she'll think it's even more so. Or, if you were hosting, help her clean up, get everything just put enough away and all the while doing all the talking about how your friends were jealous and all (which chances are they will be since you were pointing out all her great qualities all evening) and thought that she looked great, etc. Either way, make sure to kiss her and thank her for a wonderful night, hold her, maybe even try to slow dance. She may giggle and protest but trust me, there's nothing cuter than a guy trying to dance when there's no music around. Have fun with it and don't try to make it sexual. Not yet. When it's time to go upstairs and go to bed, do more kisses and insist on undressing her... NOW it's time to get sexual. Chances are she'll be so prepped from feeling so special and wonderful that she'll want to feel even more special and wonderful by having you back up all those words with some actions. Now obviously I'm not going to claim that this is going to work all the time. But if you sincerely put effort into it, really try to find the things that are going to make her feel good when they're paraded in front of people, and keep to her boundaries, you are BOTH going to be feeling good. Better believe it, she's going to be reciprocating all night too, and nothing makes other people more jealous that people who are showing just how firmly in love they are without actually flaunting it. Use the friends. Make sure some of her girlfriends over hear you bragging about how beautiful and accomplished your girl is, find the things that you know will mean the most to her when she's complimented on them. Say them to her, say them in front of people, draw attention to her inner sex goddess - and possibly be prepared to fend off some competitors. Even if they're not real competitors, a little bit of possessiveness on your part can be VERY attractive. But just a little, don't overdo it. Getting Her In Bed Ch. 03 As you may have noticed, the first two chapters of these instructions have stressed on major thing: in order to get a woman into bed, STOP TRYING to get her into bed. I'm going to continue that with this chapter, but in a slightly different manner. This chapter (third and final) is about how to get her into bed by getting her into bed. Not by ignoring, or pretending that you don't want sex, not by using little tricks. Now, I have a few words of caution before we go into this. 1. THIS IS NOT GOING TO WORK ALL THE TIME. For several reasons. 2. When you do this you must do it during an opportune time. Do not attempt this when she is angry, extremely stressed, etc. Choose a time when she's in a GOOD MOOD. Or at least a non-negative one. 3. Don't interrupt anything important. 4. If there was a time in her life when she was the victim of some kind of forced sexual activity... use this warily and with respect for that. Let's look at the difference between "I'm trying to get you into bed with me" and "You're getting into bed with me." Well, the first statement is a bit of a defeatist attitude. It says, if this doesn't work then I'll just go away and deal with it. WE CAN SMELL YOUR DOUBT. Trying also tends to lead to begging, whining and other unattractive attempts as the trying slowly fails. When you approach her with the attitude of your getting into bed with me, you come off as arrogant, self-centered, extremely confident... and all in all actually pretty damn sexy. For one, the attitude is there. The confidence is there. The whole bad boy persona is there. NICE GUYS CAN DO THIS TOO. In fact it's TWICE as sexy when a nice guy does it. Now, DON'T take the attitude of, "You're doing this because I'm so sexy". No. The correct attitude is, "We're doing this because YOU'RE so sexy that I need you now. And I'm so sexy that I'm going to get you, NOW." You need to have BOTH components of that, insufferable arrogance is NOT sexy. Confidence surrounded by the emotion that you can't wait a moment longer, than you need us here, now and one the closest reasonably comfortable flat surface... well can you see how that would be flattering? The image that you give her is that she is such a beautiful, sexy, wonderful, erotic woman that you can't hold back... I mean, come on! But you do have to make sure the timing is right. If you can get her on a day when she's feeling slightly depressed and/or unattractive, THAT'S EVEN BETTER. The way to do this is to just come onto her, with lust in your eyes, and hands all over her like an octopus. Pull her into your arms, securely and confidently, as she laughs and tells you no or tries to push you away, IGNORE HER. There ARE some times when No means Yes... and other times when No can be changed to Yes. Please though, do not take this essay as an excuse to force your sig other when they truly don't want to. You should be able to tell from their voice. If there is a hint of laughter, a bit of a smile, or they try to make excuses, GO FOR IT. If there is NO amusement in their voice, they try to push you away or they start crying, BACK OFF AND START APOLOGIZING IMMEDIATELY. In the apologies, include many reasons why they were just so sexy that you couldn't hold back, and ask if this is just something they NEVER want you to do or if this just wasn't a good time. Anyway, to continue. Once you have her in your arms and she's either laughing protest or wrapping her arms back around you, take her to a near reasonable comfortable flat surface. Now, this CAN be a good way for you to get a quickie... my advice for you would be not to use it for that. Draw it out, make her love it... you may get it reciprocated at some later point *wink*. Bring in the passion, bring in the sexiness... if you can get her up to a bed and proceed to ravish her. Don't tell her "Yes" don't say "You can do it later", don't answer ANY of her protests, just keep kissing, making noncommittal noises and take her. This is the equivalent of the romance novel. Handsome strong man sweeps beautiful and sensual woman over his shoulder, carries her up to the bedroom where he proceeds to make her his. THIS IS A TURN ON... but don't overuse it either. Seriously though, it's the white-knight fantasy, the fairy tale prince. Sweep her off her feet and don't take no for an answer. In fact, stop her protests with kisses. It's hot. Anyway. I hope that these three how-to's have helped =) I'm going to be writing some for your women too! So get them online to read when they come out, the first one will be called, "Getting the Lover You Want" =D Thanks for reading!