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A Guide to Great Anal Sex Pt. 01

By: celesteandjim



My name is Jim. Celeste, my wife of thirty-two years, and I are almost exclusively ass fuckers. Anal intercourse for us is not a once in a while event, but our preferred method of expressing our deep commitment to and love for each other. This is for a very simple reason. Celeste would openly tell you that the weakest orgasm she experiences when I am in her ass is at least twice as intense as the strongest she has when I am in her vagina. If the purpose of intercourse is pleasure, we seek the greatest pleasure possible.

I. Introduction and the female anatomy

With so much misinformation available about anal intercourse, we thought it might be useful to share what we think we know in the hopes that this knowledge will bring the same pleasure to others that it brings us. (I'm writing this so that there will be no confusion about voices, but these lessons are a joint enterprise. The reader will identify easily many of the sections contributed by Celeste).

What follows is not fantasy. There are no sixteen inches penises involved nor women ejaculating across rooms. It is a factual, practical guide, underwritten by the following caveats:

1) This is Celeste and my reality. We have been in a monogamous, and extremely happy, sexual relationship for the entirety of our married life. Your reality may well be different and that may change your experiences.

2) Great sex depends upon both partners being within their comfort zones. If you are uncomfortable with the concept of anal intercourse for any reason-philosophical, religious, or physical-no amount of knowledge is going to bring you pleasure. Don't waste your time reading what follows if this is the case.

3) Neither Celeste nor I are doctors. However, the intensity of the orgasms Celeste experiences during anal intercourse suggest that any woman with either heart or blood pressure issues should consult her physician before experimenting with anything that follows.

4) Never, ever, ever move anything--toy, finger, tongue, or penis—from a woman's anus to her vagina. You're just asking the trouble: STDs and the like.

5) Just to get the subject of elimination out of the way, one obviously doesn't engage in anal intercourse when a bowel movement is impending or your intestines are upset. That aside, elimination isn't an issue. As for cleanliness, a bidet is perfect, but a soapy finger and a detachable shower head work just fine.

THE FEMALE ANATOMY

The key to great anal sex is knowledge of the complex female anatomy involved. This includes 1) the clitoris; 2) the g-spot and 3) the inner and outer sphincters of the anus.

Women and men know where the pea-shaped protrusion of the clitoris is located and that its stimulation leads to orgasms. What is less well known is that 85% of the clitoris lies under the skin. It has been described as shaped like the wishbone of a turkey (what you used to dry out after Thanksgiving dinner and then snap with a sibling, the holder of the longer piece getting his or her wish) or a horseshoe. The arms of the clitoris arc around the walls of the vagina and curve back toward the anus. A woman can experience swelling, non-orgasmic pleasure simply by having lubricated fingers, hers or yours, gently rub the walls of the vagina, not touching the hood. (Celeste insists that this is the point to say something about fingers. Ladies: if you want to size up a potential lover, forget his butt, eyes, or any fantasy you may have about his penis. Instead, look at his hands; they're a major clue as to how considerate a lover he will be. Neatly trimmed and filed nails may not be a sure sign of a great performer in bed, but rough, dirty, or unclipped nails scream "stay away." Fingers are very important to anal sex and there should be no rough edges to their nails.)

The g-spot is more controversial; some doubt its actual existence. Celeste and I both think she has one, located about two inches into the vagina on the front wall. It is a small, spongy area, the stimulation of which heightens her pleasure. Constant direct pressure on it, combined with clitoral stimulation, can lead to her ejaculating.

Finally, it is critical to understand the sphincters, a pair of muscles lying just inside the anal opening. The human body contains more than fifty pairs of these. One set, for example, make it impossible to breathe and swallow at the same and another how we blink our eyes. Although it is no more alluring than the image of a wishbone, think of the anal sphincters as two miniature rubber bands lying one atop the other. The critical piece of knowledge is that the outer sphincter is a voluntary muscle. Both men and women can control it by simple contractions. It is the inner sphincter that causes problems, and pain, because it is an involuntary muscle that has to be trained to relax. (Much more on this in a subsequent lesson). The furrow between the outer and inner sphincter is also important. Its stimulation seems to produce significant quantities of oxytocins in Celeste, a chemical release that heightens feelings of relaxation and well-being in the brain.

Great orgasms for Celeste result from the simultaneous stimulation of 1) the head of her clitoris, 2) the end tips of her clitoris located near the anus, 3) her g-spot, and 4) the furrow between her inner and outer sphincter. The most intense orgasm she can achieve comes when she lies on her side with her pointer finger pressing against her g-spot while she strokes her clitoris with her thumb and I massage the half of the sphincter furrow closest to her vagina with a well-lubricated (and warmed) pointer finger. This simultaneously stimulates all four key components giving her sexual pleasure that is obviously impossible during vaginal intercourse. After only a brief period, her body almost seems to levitate off the bed, slam down into it as her orgasm occurs (my finger can feel the powerful vaginal contractions that occur) and she screams into her pillow.

Skeptics are invited to try this for themselves, but partners should discuss the intensity of the orgasm that may occur in advance so that there will be no surprises. You should also know that intensity does not equal pleasure. Celeste only occasionally wants me to use my finger. The experience, she says, "is like being hit with a stun gun." She much prefers the use of my tongue or penis in her ass. (More on this in another lesson).

Finally, Celeste asks that we include brief mention of what she calls "the world's best sleeping pill" here. This consists of my gently massaging of the half of the semi-circle of her sphincter furrow lying furthest from her vagina without any other touching on the part of either of us. That releases oxytocins without sexual arousal. When I do this, I can actually feel her body relax, her muscles unwind, and hear the beginnings of deep rhythmic breathing. If I do it longer enough, she frequently falls sound asleep. Even if you have no interest in anal intercourse, you should try this relaxation exercise. 

II. Training for anal intercourse (to follow shortly). 

A Guide to Great Anal Sex Pt. 02



II. Training for anal intercourse

How many times have you heard of this scenario played itself out. Perhaps it's an experience you have had. A man pleads with a woman to try anal sex. With some misgivings, she consents because he wants it so much. Excited, he tries to thrust his penis into her ass, causing pain when her inner sphincter is forced open and then ejaculates in the process. This leaves the woman in pain, with a load of semen in her ass, completely unsatisfied, and thinking "yuk, that was disgusting. I'm never doing that again." It also leaves the man embarrassed, hopefully apologetic, doubting his lovemaking abilities, and thinking that anal sex is not at all what it is cracked up to be. End of story for that particular couple.

Great anal sex involves an almost completely opposite approach. There is no pleading man, yielding woman, or "me Tarzan, you Jane" attitude involved. Rather, careful mental and physical preparation in anticipation of even the possibility for ass fucking. If you were a diver, you wouldn't expect to get up on a three-meter springboard and execute a perfect triple somersault the first time; if a pianist, your not first go at a Chopin etude is going to be far from faultless. Why, then, would a woman or a man expect perfection in their first experience with anal intercourse? Like anything else that brings real pleasure that you want, experiencing great anal sex requires training and practice. "On the job" training through experimentation with actual fucking really is not fair for either partner.

Perhaps the most difficult training piece of both women and men is psychological because great anal sex invites, and to some degree demands, role reversals for both from general societal expectations. It asks a woman who knows, respects, and loves her body to come to terms with her aggressive, highly sexual nature. She needs to admit to herself that she is going to have a man put his penis in her ass not only because it gives him pleasure, but also because of the pleasure she anticipates for herself thinking about the orgasm(s) she may experience. An absolute precondition to great anal sex is that the woman sees herself as completely equal partner in the process of ass fucking. Her pleasure is just as important as the man's, and by inviting a man into the most intimate spot in her body, she has the right--even responsibility--to set some preconditions for what happens if she is to remain within her comfort zone. She may want her partner to fuck her with his penis, but it is equally legitimate for her to want to fuck herself on his penis. The difference between these two desires is enormous.

If it is challenging for a woman to recognize and access her own aggressive sexuality, it is equally difficult for a man to come to understand that great anal sex requires him to access the gentler side of himself. As a matter of fact, most of the time that a man's physical action is described in these lessons, "gentle" or "gently" could be added. Those occasions when a man is asked to be an aggressive fucker are because the woman wants it that way. Great anal sex is not the product of the hunter-gatherer returning to his cave in his bearskin with his club slung over his shoulder and delivering pleasure to his woman by giving pleasure to himself. A woman's sexual pleasure is not the function of what the man imagines it should be, but what a women experiences it to be. The man needs to understand that creating circumstances for her extraordinary pleasure, he receives the same in return. Celeste playfully calls me her "sex slave." To me, it is a badge of honor, Guys, you have to come to grips with the fact that there's only one person who should be driving the racecar during ass fucking—AND MOST OF THE TIME, IT'S NOT YOU.

Once you have grappled with these psychological challenges, there is some necessary physical training before great anal sex is possible. For Celeste, this involved a thorough examination of and experimentation with her own body to understand what brought her anal pleasure (see part one). A woman can accomplish this in the privacy of her bedroom through any number of masturbation experiences.

More challenging, but absolutely critical, is the training that relaxes a woman's inner sphincter. Here you need the help of sex toys: a small and a larger butt plug. Penile shaped dildos are less useful because the key feature of the toy should be a protruding ring that increases the circumference of the shaft. Fortunately, many varieties of these are available through Internet sales today. 

With the small butt plug in hand, the woman should relax in a warm bath, perhaps with a glass of wine. Then she should move to her bed and lubricate (your choice of products here but nothing petroleum-based such as Vaseline) the small butt plug. (When you are comfortable doing so, use the larger one). Gently insert it into your anus, pushing it through both the outer and inner sphincters so that the protruding ring lies beyond the inner sphincter in the anal canal. Several female readers of the first lesson have raised the issue of their fear of pain as the major obstacle to a willingness to try anal sex. Celeste's response: THIS IS GOING TO HURT THE FIRST TIME AND THE PAIN CAN BE A SHARP, STABBING ONE. IT CANNOT BE AVOIDED AND IF YOUR NOT WILLING TO EXPERIENCE THIS, DON'T GO ANY FURTHER WITH ANAL SEX. YOU ARE BEYOND YOUR COMFORT ZONE. FOR ME, THE PAIN WAS ABOUT THE SAME AS WHEN MY HYMEN WAS RUPTURED DURING MY FIRST EXPERIENCE WITH VAGINAL INTERCOURSE. Know, also, that the pain diminishes rapidly with practice and then disappears completely. That, at least was Celeste's experience. Know also that this is a classical example of the accuracy of the cliché about "no pain, no gain." What you are gaining through what was brief episode of pain for her is the potential for extraordinary sexual pleasure the rest of your life.

Assuming that you have and properly inserted the plug, now pull it partly out to the point where you can feel the ring lodged between your two sphincters. Relax, let it rest there for a moment and then slowly rotate it clockwise and counterclockwise. Reinsert it and repeat the procedure if you feel comfortable in doing so If you are in continuing pain after the first cycle, remove the plug and stop that day's training, knowing that you have taken a giant step down the road to experiencing great anal sex. After a number of sessions, the number varying with each individual, a woman will feel comfortable graduating to the larger plug and eventually will have trained her inner sphincter to be pliable. Eventually, you may want to masturbate to orgasm using your finger and thumb as described in lesson one. This orgasm should be more intense and pleasurable than those you generally experience from masturbation. If it isn't, anal sex itself may not bring you the pleasure it brings us.

It is such an advantage for a woman to approach the possibility of her first anal intercourse with the self-confidence and knowledge that training her inner sphincter provides. Most women will engage in this practice alone. Some may train with their male partner or lover, but it would take an exceptionally astute and caring man to understand both the mental and physical needs a woman faces during this. Although it was a bit daring and certainly not to every woman's taste, Celeste wants me to share her training experience with you. 

When we were both in college in the late sixties and early seventies, she developed a close personal friendship with the college's gynecologist. This doctor educated her on the intricacies of anal sex. She recommended training with another woman, if Celeste had a truly discrete, close personal friend with whom she was not involved romantically. This, the doctor pointed out, provided the opportunity for a relaxing massage before insertion and the benefit of the gentleness of a woman's touch on another woman's body during what was going to be a new and somewhat daunting experience for both. Celeste had exactly such a friend in her roommate and they did train each other. It was an experience both enjoyed and nothing romantic ever developed between them. They have remained close friends over the years. The roommate has been happily married for thirty-six years. I doubt that it is a coincidence that we have sixty-eight years of happy marriages between us. We see each other as a foursome every year or so, enjoying each other's company a great deal. This is in spite of the fact that we live on the East Coast and they on Michigan's Upper Peninsula, of all places. Incidentally, the subject of sex is not consciously avoided but doesn't naturally come up in the course of our visits together.

Once I came to understand and accept the fact that I wasn't calling all the shots during ass fucking (Celeste refers to me as her "sex slave" with great love), the great physical challenge for me was overcoming the embarrassment of premature ejaculations. For a man, having his penis in a woman's ass because she has invited him to be there is a real gift. For me, it is everything it is supposed to be, and more. The sensation of a hot, form-fitting, pulsating anal canal massaging your dick is a sensory overload if you concentrate on it. To be honest, when you are a novice, no amount of training is going to prevent you from ejaculating prematurely the first several times you ass fuck and there's not much you can do about that. The physical sensations are just so overwhelming. 

Even before becoming sexually active, a man can train himself in masturbation sessions to control somewhat the timing of his orgasms. This is a good lesson for a man to learn about all sexual situations. Celeste was very understanding of my shortcomings in this area during the opening episodes of our anal sex, but I knew that it couldn't be satisfying for her to have me cum and lose my erection as she was beginning to approach her orgasm. As her lover and a provider of pleasure, I recognized that it was my responsibility to control my own body.

One way to control the timing of your ejaculation is to practice tightening the muscle(s) at the base of your penis when you feel an orgasm approaching during masturbation. As you strengthen these muscles over time, you should be able to time when you cum with some precision. (The opposite action, completely relaxing them while pushing outward, produces a "gusher.") Although I have trained myself to control my timing with this exercise, I don't find it to be completely satisfactory. Many times I will have a dry ejaculation where I experience of having contractions associated with cuming without passing any semen. In this case, I lose my erection anyway. I much prefer to stay well short of the point of inevitability (much more on the point of inevitability for both women and men in the fucking lesson) and to distract my mind by thinking of something else when I feel it approaching. Although the mental images have obviously changed over time, today calling up a picture of the little stream that runs through our back yard works every time. The potential crisis passes, and Celeste and I continue our lovemaking. 

Now that we have reviewed basic female anatomy and how a woman and a man can train themselves both mentally and physically for great anal sex, Celeste and I discuss levels of anal penetration and positions for ass fucking in part three.

III. Degrees of penetration and positions (to follow shortly)



A Guide to Great Anal Sex Pt. 03



Thanks to everyone (particularly women) who have wrote, expressing gratitude to us for raising their comfort level with anal sex. We want everyone to find what works for herself within her comfort zones.

Just to review the areas of intense anal stimulation for a woman, there are four key elements: 1) the exposed head of the clitoris; 2) its tip ends; 3) the g-spot; and 4) the furrow located between the outer and inner sphincters. If you can visual a woman's asshole with the point closest to the vagina as 12:00 noon, a man can add to his partner's pleasure in any of what follows by placing his pointer and middle finger at 11:00 and 1:00 on her body and pressing gently. A woman can add to her own arousal by inserting her pointer finger into her vagina and massaging her g-spot while she strokes her clitoris with her thumb. It's a bit like adding a spice to a food dish and all depends upon how much arousal you both want. 

We've divided anal sex into two categories: outercourse and intercourse. Outercourse is an activity that doesn't involve me penetrating Celeste's ass beyond her sphincters. Intercourse does. Each provides several options for exceptional pleasure.

Outercourse:

1) The finger. This may be your cup of tea but it isn't Celeste's. In part I, we talked about the use of the finger in massaging the furrow between the inner and outer sphincters. While every couple is different, Celeste finds the orgasm that results from this just too intense to be enjoyable. This highlights one of the few problems with ass fucking. For us, there are circumstances where intensity rises to the level of discomfort. (See below on complete penetration, anal sex during menstruation, and sequential orgasms.)

2) The penis. The French have practiced frottage for centuries. Wearing clothes or not, it consists in my placing the head of my dick on Celeste's asshole and pressing gently. It's extremely pleasurable for a her and I can vary its intensity in many ways. Thirty-five years ago in Paris, it wasn't commonplace but it also wasn't unusual to see a couple frotting (a verb I have made up) on a crowded second class Metro car during a stop at Chatelet. As an understanding of ass fucking has spread thanks to the Internet, dances have also acknowledged this pleasure. If you go to many clubs, you will observe this. When you see a groups circled around a couple, clapping their raised hands in tune to the music, it's a reasonable assumption that the focus of everyone's attention is on a couple frotting in the center of the circle, usually with most of their clothes still on.

Celeste and I frot almost every morning and almost every evening, but only briefly and not usually with the intention of achieving orgasm. In the morning, we frot for a couple of minutes until Celeste's outer sphincter relaxes and she gets a little damp. The sensation when this relaxation occurs is accurately described as a rosebud opening up. You can actually feel it happen. In the evening, Celeste loves to frot once we are in bed. Sometimes it puts her directly to sleep. Even if it doesn't, I can just feel the tension passing out of her body as complete relaxation sets in.

3) The tongue. Stimulating a woman's (or a man's) asshole with your tongue is one of the great pleasures in anal sex. Celeste loves it when I rim her and I love it when she rims me. You do want to be sure that your partner's anus is perfectly clean and inviting before beginning. If you want to make certain of this, use an anal douche available at any drug store and then rinse thoroughly. These take about five minutes to work. 

I love eating Celeste's hole. It has a slightly sweet, slightly metallic taste to it and is a delightful experience that puts cunnilingus to shame in comparison. Eating her turns Celeste completely on while not producing either the unpleasant smell or taste that a tongue on the clit does. Besides, it's a cardinal principle for me that a man should never touch a woman's clit—with anything. That's in her comfort zone and she alone is entitled to control it.

When I rim Celeste, I nibble at her pucker to tease her and use broad strokes across her hole to excite her. If she really wants to get it on, she reaches back and spreads her ass cheeks for me. When she does this, I press my mouth over her entire hole and suction it open. Then I roll the edges of my tongue up and form something the looks remarkably like a the pastry shell of a cannoli. Using it as a miniature, flexible penis, I fuck her in exactly the spot where she doesn't want my finger. The sensation this creates is far gentler and more diffuse. She almost always strokes herself in into a huge orgasm when I sometimes grabbing a pillow and screaming into it. This is one of her two favorite O's. Her anal contractions during and after her orgasm are so strong that it produce the sensation that she trying to nip off the tip of my tongue.

Celeste: You may think that Jimmy is exaggerating here, but everything he has written in the paragraph above is absolutely true. When he has the tip of his tongue on the magical spot and I'm stroking my clit with my thumb and pressing against my g-spot with my finger, I absolutely explode. That's the only word for it. What's adds to my pleasure is that I know I have the same effect on him. When I rim him, playing with his nipples that are extremely sensitive, what he says and our sheets prove this every time. If you really are interested in great anal sex and don't rim, learn how to do it in the way that most excites your partner. You'll both be happy the rest of your lives if you do.

Positions:

Before discussing anal penetration (intercourse), it is important to consider various positions that can be used for it. I would assume (but don't know) that a key to the choice of a position for a man who wants to deliver maximum pleasure to a woman is the curvature and size of his penis. Your ability to press against a woman's g-spot during intercourse is very important to maximum pleasure for her. I, for example ,have a very average 6-61/2 inch dick that is very flexible. All positions work equally well for me. If, however, you have a penis that curves back toward your belly button or away from it dramatically you will want to take this into consideration when selecting a position. This must be particularly true for men who have extremely hard, inflexible erections. 

Size, particularly length, also matters. If ever there was proof for the saying that it's not the size of the ship but how and where you sail it that counts, ass fucking is it. Despite what the porn industry wants you to believe, guys with shorter pricks actually have an advantage in delivering anal pleasure. This is because a woman, when she fucks herself on your rod, can do so as hard as she wants and not worry about bruising herself. On the other hand, if you are long and a sensitive lover, you will want to choose a position that is best for shallower penetration. You should also wrap a finger and thumb around the root of your dick to prevent "bottoming out" that can cause pain and bruising. If you're really long, use two fingers.

There is no ideal position for anal intercourse. All have their advantages and disadvantages. These are some that Celeste and I have tried.

1. Celeste on her back with a pillow under her butt and her legs thrown over my shoulders. The advantages of this position are that it's easy to kiss and make eye contact. It also permits the deepest possible penetration. It's a very good position for a man whose penis curves back toward his body. With some practice he can stimulate a woman's g-spot by pressing directly on it through the membrane that separates the anal canal from the vagina. To do this, however, he has to be careful to penetrate shallowly into the anal canal, only two or three inches. It's a question of angles and vectors. Disadvantages include that it's awkward for Celeste to stroke her clit and virtually impossible for her to touch her own g-spot.

(An aside that has nothing to do with ass fucking, but everything to do with family planning. We have a life-long friend from our days in college who is a doctor practicing in Montpelier, France. He gave us the wonderful advice to use this position vaginally when we wanted to have a baby with Celeste either putting her finger up my ass and pressing against my prostate or using a toy to do the same thing. It's a bit awkward but he claims that it maximizes the amount of cum generated and the force of the ejaculation, This shoots a maximum amount of semen exactly where it is most likely to accomplish the purpose. I don't know if this is medically provable, but will say that we did this three times and Celeste had three beautiful babies. All were carried to term and delivered within days of what we thought would be ideal birth dates. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but maybe not. In either case, it was a very enjoyable experience.) 

2) Cowgirl: Celeste sits on my dick facing me with me raising legs to a 45 degree angle so that a she can recline against them as she strokes herself. There are many advantages to this including Celeste having full access to her clit, g-spot, and the ability of an inward curving penis to touch that spot. Disadvantage: it is very difficult to control the depth of penetration. Nevertheless, this is recommended by C and J.

3) Reverse cowgirl: the position where Celeste sits on a my dick facing away from me and often leans backwards when she fucks herself. Advantages: It gives her full access to her clit and vagina while providing an ideal angle for massaging the g-spot for a man whose penis curves away from his body. Disadvantage: it's a very distant act, offering virtually no eye, finger, or mouth contact between partners.

4) Doggy-style or me entering Celeste's ass from behind while she rests on her hands and knees. There's a reason why vaginal doggy style is such a popular position: it makes pressure against the g-spot possible. Anal doggie style only increases this angle of penetration If you know what you're doing, it's an ideal way to hit this pleasure point, particularly if your erect penis curves away from you body. I also find it a huge turn on to be able to see Celeste move my dick in and out of her ass as she fucks herself. There are disadvantages. Eye-to-eye and mouth-to-mouth contact is almost impossible. Celeste also finds it difficult to stroke herself when her hands are supporting her body. The biggest problem, however, is that her legs start to shake as her orgasm approaches and frequently give way. When this happens, I pancake on top of her and that isn't very romantic. 

5) Standing, with Celeste leaning over and bracing herself against a tree, the refrigerator, etc. All of the advantages and disadvantages of doggy style but with no risk of pancaking. I have also learned to wrap my arm around Celeste's waist when the trembling start and hold her up as she orgasms. Recommended by C and J.

6) Spoons—or doggy style lying down. With us both on our sides and me behind, I insert my penis into Celeste's ass. This is, far and away, our favorite position, the one we use almost all the time when we are in bed. It's the most comfortable one for Celeste and lets us concentrate on a slow leisurely fuck. Pressure on her g-spot can come from either my dick or her finger and she has complete access to her clit. It doesn't contribute much to eye-to-eye or mouth-to-mouth, but it does lead to beautiful orgasms whenever Celeste wants to have one. Highly recommended by C and J.

Having been through all of the preliminaries, part IV of the series will discuss intercourse itself.



A Guide to Great Anal Sex Pt. 04



Celeste: It may seem strange having Jimmy describe my orgasms, but we agreed at the beginning that he would do most of the writing so there wouldn't be the confusion of two voices. These are his words, but I almost dictated what he has written, at least the parts about me. It certainly is my list and men who are reading this might want to play close attention, particularly if they are interested in what gives at least one experienced woman the greatest pleasure from anal sex. I also think I should say something about expectations. It's true that I can have what I think is a perfect orgasm any time I want. It's also true that there are many times when I don't want to. Then, all I want is to get totally turned on, wet, and walk around feeling good. Jimmy and I have been ass fucking all our married lives. It's not an occasional treat; it's how we express our love for each other. If we don't know what we're doing by now, we're never going to. If you're just starting out or if your commitment to your partner isn't as strong, your experiences be different and less intensely pleasurable. Getting to great anal sex is a journey, not something that happens all at once. But stick with it. Have a couple of orgasms with your lover's mouth or dick in or on your ass and you'll know a basic true. VAGINAL SEX IS FOR BABY MAKING; ANAL SEX IS FOR PURE, UNADULTERATED PLEASURE. The journey to this discovery is a wonderful experience by itself. Back to J.

Celeste and I have rank ordered her four favorite orgasms. Number two (and almost number one) is having me tongue fuck her hole. We talked about this in Part Three. Her three other favorite orgasms, in ascending order, come from:

Number four: long stroking or bottoming out. There are two types. One is when I fully insert my penis into Celeste's anal canal and thrust rhythmically in and out as hard as I can while she strokes her clit and/or g-spot. This is ideal for the times when Celeste wants to be possessed, when all she wants is for me to fuck her. (Celeste: It is absolutely true that there are times when this is exactly what I want.) These times are not frequent, are usually memorable, and SHE ALWAYS TELLS ME WHEN THIS IS WHAT SHE WANTS. I NEVER PRESUME THAT IT IS. Long stroking does give her a very pleasurable sense of fullness and she knows how much I like the feeling of having my dick in what feels like a warm, pulsing, form-fitting glove that is squeezing me everywhere. Giving me pleasure gives her pleasure just as the opposite is true.

However, when you think about the areas in her body that I am trying to stimulate (the furrow between her sphincters, her clit, her g-spot, and the hidden ends of her clit [although these become almost irrelevant during intercourse]), once I pass beyond the g-spot, I'm not adding anything to Celeste's pleasure. In fact, I'm somewhat taking away from it by passing beyond the g-spot. My other problem with traditional long stroking is that it is such a male dominant act, with me as the deliverer of pleasure. Great anal sex is achieved through a complete partnership with Celeste.

To improve long stroking, there's a second version that has me playing a more passive role. In it, Celeste fucks herself on my dick. Not only does this give her the sense of security that she is in control of the situation, but it also allows her, by subtly changing her position, to pass the head of my dick over her elusive g-spot while she is fucking herself. BTW, I'm not sure that this is scientifically accurate, but it seems to me that Celeste's g-spot moves slightly from time to time. I think of it as resembling a lily pad, firmly anchored on the exterior wall of her vagina, but capable of movement. Since one of the major reasons anal sex is so pleasurable is that I can press the head of my penis directly on Celeste's g-spot through the membrane separating her anal canal and vagina, it's well worth finding. Celeste can always do this with version two of bottoming out.

Guys, remember when long-stroking that the shape of your penis is a very important element in choosing the position that maximizes your contact with your partner's g-spot. If your erection sticks straight out from your body and is flexible, any position will work, if it curves back toward your belly, choose one that has your partner facing you. If it curves away from your body, approach her from the rear. Also, if you have a long dick, be very careful about the depth of your penetration so as to avoid bruising her. (Celeste: I think we've said this before, but Jimmy has a perfectly sized dick for my butt. I can just go crazy on it, knowing that there's not going to be any pain, just total pleasure.) 

When you're talking about the level of pleasure that anal sex permits, it seems kind of silly to say this, but long stroking in both forms is only fourth on Celeste's pleasure meter.

Number three: docking. This may be difficult for other guys and again has a great deal to do with the shape of your dick. When I was born, my parents had me circumcised. I was also born with a penis whose head flairs out at the base, creating a very distinct rim, like the edge of a saucer. These two facts let me dock with Celeste. That is, I can insert only the head of my penis beyond her sphincters and dock my rim between the two, directly on the furrow. It's exactly like putting two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together. Once we're docked, all I do is contract and relax the same muscle(s) you use when urinating while Celeste strokes herself with any intensity that she wants. This is Celeste's favorite orgasm when she wants a long, gentle approach. I think uncircumcised men would find this position difficult to achieve exactly, but even if you only come close it's worth the effort.

Number two: rimming, which we talked about in part three but deserves a bit more attention. Celeste does have a slight preference for what follows, mainly because she ejaculates some of the time with it and she thinks of that as the ultimate way to express her sexuality. However, if you put together both of our orgasms and pleasure (see Jim's orgasms) rimming is number one and nothing is even close. If you don't rim, know how, or are unwilling to, and your partner is in the same place, you're walking past the biggest candy shop in the world and not going in. Give it up, guys. Your ass is just as sensitive as your partner's, and it gives her just as much pleasure to make you scream and cum as it gives you to do the same to her. 

Number one: and the winner is.... Celeste's favorite orgasm occurs when I insert two or three inches of my penis into her ass and find her g-spot together (or as close as we can come to it). I press my dick against it and then...do nothing! As I'm pressing against her g-spot, she strokes her clit but moves away when she feels herself approaching the point of inevitability (below) and then returns to apply pressure when the crisis has passed. Celeste will do this two or even three times and before she orgasms. To both of us, they The periods of constant pressure against Celeste's g-spot result in her ejaculating about half the time when she orgasms in this position. These are two or three very distinct little squirts that I can feel as they occur. 

It seems to me that the point has been made, but Celeste wants it repeated for the sake of all women. Her three favorite orgasms result from my penetrating her ass with only the head of my penis (three), only my tongue, and that really isn't penetrating (two), and only two or three inches of my dick (one). All three are also all extremely gentle. Add in the way we usually long stroke, and all four techniques leave her completely within her comfort zone, feeling in control of what happens to her body. This feeling of safety is what allows her to relax and truly enjoy the experience and our bodies. (Celeste, who is standing over my shoulder to make sure I get this right: "Amen.") 

While I have a rather passive role in helping Celeste to her favorite orgasms, there are things that I do during intercourse that add greatly to her pleasure. Remember that we're almost always on our sides in a spoons position with me in the rear, a pun as well as the truth. Among the things I do are find a very small but sensitive spot on her scalp and slowly rub it. I also trace the line of her jaw and apply gentle pressure where the carotid artery passes over it, massage between her shoulder blades, rub the insides of her elbows, blow in her ear, and fuck her ear with my tongue as in rimming. She loves all of these, but what she likes most of all, the touch that makes her torso break out in goose bumps, is somewhat more complicated and requires some concentration on my part. Because it gives her so much pleasure, it's worth being a bit technical about it. Think of the basic spoons position as me behind Celeste with our bodies in two straight lines. From here, she bends her torso forward so that the part above her butt is lying at an angle away from me. I take my fingertips and, just barely touching her skin, trace her spin down to her hole as slowly as I can. When I get there, I gently press against the arc between where my penis is and her outer sphincter and start up her body again. When I repeat this several times, she gets totally wet.

The pleasure that Celeste gets from this come from the fact that great anal sex is not linear. To achieve it, you don't start to fuck and follow whatever you are doing in a straight line to an orgasm. We all have a point of inevitability (p.o.i.) and when it's crossed there is virtually nothing that can prevent an orgasm. (The dead giveaway to its approach is not your partner's body motions, but her breathing. When regular rhythmic breathing is replaced a sort of gasping for air, you're getting close to the p.o.i.) The key to a woman eventually having a great orgasm is to get as close to the p.o.i. as possible several times without crossing over. Nobody is going to put a stop watch on your activities, but if you want to experience the total beauty and intensity of anal sex, think in terms of twelve to fifteen minutes from the end of foreplay to orgasm and two, or better yet three approaches to near the p.o.i. before giving in to it.

However you choose to ass fuck, your partner's orgasm is only part of the pleasure she receives. For Celeste the aftermath is almost as pleasurable as her climax itself. After she orgasms or when she wants to stop without having one, she begins to turn her body. This is the signal that she wants to reverse position and become the rear spoon. When we do, she mounts me, sticking her clit into one of my butt cheeks. At first, I can feel it very distinctly. It's like the head of a nail sticking into me. As she comes down from her natural high, her clit recedes into her body as sticky substance oozes out that seems to glue us together. This is a really sweet time for us as she ruffles my hair, telling me how happy she is. It can last ten or fifteen minutes and is a very important part of her pleasure.

Spontaneous ass fucking is a great deal of fun. More on this later. However, when Celeste and I "go to bed" to have sex, we always try to give ourselves enough time to enjoy it completely. A slow pace results in maximum pleasure. Think of ass fucking as divided into four almost equal parts that take about an hour altogether: 1) Celeste and I prep our bodies; 2) foreplay—for us almost always toe-sucking and rimming, but occasionally Celeste want to sit on me with my penis in her vagina and get wet; 3) the period from anal insertion to orgasm (or Celeste's decision that she exactly is where she want to be without orgasming); and 4) the period of afterglow. The third part is eliminated when Celeste decides to orgasm during rimming.

Two final points for guys about this section. If you dock (number three) or press directly against the g-spot (number one), don't be surprised if the force of your partner's orgasm expels you from her ass. This is particularly true with docking, but can also happen with number one. Your partner should not be embarrassed nor you frustrated by this. It's a compliment, saying that you've done things exactly right. There's also an ironic reversal to the "pain" situation that occurs when a woman orgasms, again if you're doing things correctly. Just before the contractions of Celeste's orgasm begin, her sphincters slam shut on my penis for a moment. It's an exaggeration to say that pain is the result; it's more like tenderness. But I can sure tell where my dick has been the next day.

Part five (and patient readers will be glad to know that there are only six) discusses sequential orgasms and then my orgasms.



A Guide to Great Anal Sex Pt. 05



Celeste and I called this series "A Guide to Great Anal Sex" and not "A Guide to Great Anal Intercourse" for a reason. It's because so much of great anal sex doesn't involve intercourse itself.

We think that, with a few exceptions, one of us should be focused on giving pleasure to the other, that there should be a giver and receiver. Trying to be both at the same time confuses things. This is a section on outercourse for me, just as we did one for Celeste. My orgasms turn her on a much as hers do me, particularly when she can see or taste them. 

(Celeste: I think it's because his body can make me feels so good that I just love everything about Jimmy's crotch. Maybe it's a fetish, but just thinking about it makes me damp. When I bury my face in it, I love that mansex smell. I love to roll his big, soft nuts around in my mouth, making him twitch. I love his dick and even have a photo I took of it with a drop of precum dangling from its tip hidden in my desk at the office in case I need a pick-me-up during the day. I love his asshole and running my tongue around its rim. I love running my tongue through his pubic hair, licking his treasure trail up to his belly button, and sucking his cum out of his inny where it pools when he cums. I love licking the cum off his body after he shoots. I love the warmth and the force with which he cums in my mouth and ass. The taste is okay, but not my favorite. It's a little salty and reminds me of the smell of salt air and seaweed when you're at the beach. His precum, however, is just delicious. It's so sweet; just like liquid sugar.) 

Celeste would tell you that I have four orgasmic triggers in my body and two are located in my ass. When she stimulates any two of these, I'm almost sure to cum. Make it three at the same time and she is liable to get a "gusher." The four are my 1) sphincter furrow, 2) prostate, 3) frenulum, and 4) nipples, especially their tips.

We've talked about the sphincters before. When we're rimming, Celeste and I both aim for the furrow between the inner and outer ones with our tongues. The pleasure is so intense that rimming is probably our favorite sex act. 

The prostate is a small, nut-shaped gland that secretes a component of semen. It's located in almost exactly the same spot on a man's body as the g-spot is on a woman's, although the woman's is on the outer wall of the vagina and the man's on the outer wall of his anal canal. (It is interesting that two of the most intense pleasure centers on a both a man and woman's body are hidden inside and most easily gotten to through our asses.) 

Some guys may find having his partner inserting her finger in his butt beyond his comfort zone and won't want her to do this. I, however, love having Celeste's finger (lubricated and with a trimmed nail—sorry about that ladies, but the same rules apply to you as they do to guys. Sharp nails are lethal weapons in the ass.) pressed against my prostate. Just as Celeste can decide how much pressure she want the head of my penis to apply to her g-spot, I can decide how hard I want to fuck myself on her finger.

The frenulum. You may not know the name, but you'll recognize what this is: the fold of skin on the underside of your penis that seems to connect it to the shaft. There are no nerve endings in the shaft of a guy's penis and very few in the head; they're almost all located in the frenulum. When you masturbate or when your partner gives you a blowjob, it's the stimulation of this fold that provokes your orgasm. If you doubt this, take your frenulum between your thumb and forefinger and rub. For me, the sensation is immediate, too intense and not particularly pleasurable. On the other hand, nibbling, gently licking, or softly stroking it are wonderful. Many sex experts will tell you that all orgasms for women involve the stimulation of the clitoris. You could almost say the same for men and the frenulum. I can cum without it being touched, but it's not easy.

My nipples. Unlike Celeste, who thinks her nipples are a distraction from her pleasure, I really get off on nipple play. I don't know enough about our nervous systems to explain the wiring involved, but for me it's just like toe sucking is for Celeste. When she licks my nipples sucks them, takes one between her teeth and shakes her head, or flicks them with her finger tips, it sends jolts of pure pleasure directly to the head of my penis.

There are many possible combinations from these four triggers although only three can be used simultaneously. Obviously, Celeste can't rim me and massage my prostate at the same time, so that an either or situation. Beyond that, the intensity of the orgasm I want determines whether I ask Celeste to touch one, two, or three triggers. It's like ordering off a menu of pleasure with endless possibilities. Here are a couple of my favorites.

Celeste must give one of the best blowjobs in the world. She holds my dick and cups my balls while she nibbles my frenulum, teasing it with her tongue. When I get rock hard and my precum starts to flow, she takes its head into her mouth and runs her tongue over it and along my frenulum. I have a wonderful cum in her mouth that she usually swallows. I'm tempted to say nothing could be better than that, but that's not true if I want a more intense orgasm. If I finger my nipples while Celeste has me in her mouth, the intensity probably doubles. If I finger my nipples and Celeste also sticks her finger up my ass and I fuck myself on it during the blowjob, the intensity is off the charts. (Sometimes, Celeste doesn't swallow my cum but brings it up and drips it into my mouth. We snowball with it, passing it back and forth until it's a frothy mass. I spread part of this on my dick and the rest on her hole. We frot and Celeste strokes herself to an orgasm. We both end up having orgasms with the taste of my cum in our mouths.)

We've talked about rimming and how sensual it is. However, rimming by itself doesn't let me orgasm. If I assume to doggy style position, Celeste can rim me and stroke my frenulum at the same time. This leads to a great cum. If I lie on my back and throw my legs over Celeste's shoulders, I can stroke my nipples while Celeste rims me and plays with my frenulum. The result is an even more intense orgasm.

There are many combinations that work well, but you can see from these two examples how the stimulation of one, two, or three triggers affect the intensity of my orgasm.

There is one other orgasm that Celeste taught me about that I want to mention. Even though it doesn't have anything to do directly with my ass, it is unique. This is when she slowly flicks the tips of my nipples with her fingers, and that's all she does. This just drives me crazy because every time I approach my p.o.i., she stops, waits until I have relaxed, and then starts slowly flicking again. The rule is that I'm not allowed to touch myself while this is going on. In fact, I lie with my hands under my butt cheeks so I won't. My whole body shakes during this and sometimes tears roll out of my eyes, not because I'm sad but because my entire nervous system is so aroused. Finally, after ten or twelve minutes of this torture, Celeste takes me through my p.o.i. by not stopping her flicking and an amazing thing happens. I have this feeling that I have to pee in the worst possible way and I cum, but it isn't an ejaculation, at least it doesn't look or feel like one. The only way I can describe what happens is to say that I pee cum. A steady stream of it just flows out of my dick for ten or even fifteen seconds and I feel incredible relief, like the feeling you experience when you finally take the piss that was going to burst your bladder. My whole body convulses three, four or five times after this and all I want to do is turn over and go to sleep, which is what I usually do. 

*

(The section on sequential orgasms doesn't really fit with this. We think it's important, so we're going to post it as a short, sixth part. Part seven will then be games, rules, and Celeste's goodbye.) 



A Guide to Great Anal Sex Pt. 06



A Guide to Great Anal Sex

Part Six:  Sequential Orgasms

Celeste and I talked for a long time about whether we should include a section on sequential orgasms in our guide. This is because it's one of the few acts that run directly contrary to the characteristics of great anal sex:  gentleness, shallow penetration, and the woman as the leader.  It is achieved by deep, male dominated thrusting that could almost be described as rough sex.  It is, however, part of our life when we both want it to be. So we decided that we had made a commitment to disclose all that we knew about anal sex and that we should follow through on that.  The experience, however, is at the outer limit of our comfort zone and may not appeal to you at all.  Sequentials are physically exhausting for Celeste and a somewhat frightening the first several times if you have an out of body experience. For many, this may be another example of how anal sex can take you beyond pleasure.  Celeste has chosen to have the experience more than a hundred times since we married for a very simple reason.  The aftermath induces an ecstatic relationship between her mind and her body that gives her extraordinary pleasure.

It is not a casual experience for a woman, nor do we think it should be a regular occurrence.  If ever there was something you should discuss in detail with your partner, this is it.  Does a woman want to go through what approaches a trauma to arrive achieve what Celeste thinks of as nirvana?  It is also hard to believe that this would be an appropriate activity for anyone with possible physical issues, particularly as regards blood pressure or a heart condition.  If this could be you, ask your doctor if some type of rigorous physical activity (mountain climbing) or something that really gets the adrenalin pumping (bungee jumping) would be safe for you.

To the extent that they are discussed at all, sequential orgasms are often mislabeled as multiple orgasms, but there is a big difference between the two.  Multiple orgasms, if they exist, occur at the same time.  Sequential orgasms, that do exist, occur one after the other. 

They are not difficult for a woman to achieve with anal sex, but there are tricks to getting to them.  Obviously, a guy has to be disciplined enough not to cum prematurely as this would ruin everything.  The more important technique is for both the man and the woman to fuck through the woman's first and second orgasm if your goal is a third, as Celeste's is.  The man should not stop his thrusting or the woman the stroking of her clit.  Continuous motion toward the ultimate goal is the key.   A good analogy is to an urban jogger or runner.  If you ever see one at a red light, you'll notice that a serious athlete never stops his or her motion, but runs in place until the light changes and s/he can resume.  It's exactly the same idea in achieving sequential orgasms.  To give you a time frame, Celeste's second orgasm is about three minutes after her first and her third maybe two and a half minutes after her second.

We always start sequentials in anal doggy position, but roll over to spoons to avoid my pancaking on her if her legs collapse.  Then we fuck through her first and second orgasms to the third.  This, however, is very different from her first two and you shouldn't be surprised by it.  The first two are just the beautifully intense orgasms you associate with anal sex:  Celeste's sphincters begins to tremble and her body shudder as they approach, her body seems to rise up during a momentary pause at the moment of climax and then they slam shut on whatever is in her hole—my penis, tongue, finger, or toy— ebbing away into gentler and gentler spasms.  With sequentials, Celeste's third orgasm can only be described as a series of jolts or thumps that shake her entire body.  The first time I felt these I thought I had hurt her badly, but this wasn't true.   One thing that Celeste wants is for me to cum  exactly at the beginning of her third orgasm and I have become quite good at doing this.  The rhythm is jolt, spurt, jolt spurt, jolt, jolt, jolt...

Celeste wants to explain why she seeks out this experience, but before that, a couple of practical notes.

1) Before beginning, clear your calendar for a day and a half.  This has become almost exclusively a Saturday evening experience since the last kid left home, so we make sure we have no obligations either that evening or on Sunday, except for church.  It's also a very good idea to turn off all electronics that could interfere:  cell phones, computers, televisions, before beginning. 

2) Bright pink splotches appear all over Celeste's torso after her third orgasm.  She somewhat resembles a pink Dalmatian when we're finished.  I don't know why this happens, but there's nothing to be alarmed about.  They fade very quickly.  

3) You would be making a mistake, at least from our point of view, to think that if three orgasms are as we describe them, four must be even better.  We've tried this a couple of times and Celeste is too exhausted to find it pleasurable and usually isn't even aware that the attempt is occurring. There is a rag doll quality to her body that neither of us enjoys.  As a matter of fact, it's probably a good idea if you are inexperienced with sequentials to go in the direction of less is more.  Try two orgasms before going on to three.  Two doesn't quite bring Celeste to the floating quality she loves, but it might be totally satisfying for you.

4) Most important, absolute trust is the key to a woman enjoying sequentials.  First, trust that you will not hurt her when things get a little out of control after the first two orgasms.  Guys who are big should be very careful; bruising is a real risk if you're not.  As important is confidence she has that you will be there to help and comfort her in what is, at least for Celeste, and out-of-body experience where she feels that she has lost control of basic facilities and is counting on you to protect her from the unknown.  Don't undertake this casually.  This is not an activity for a couple who do not have complete confidence in and love for each other.   Talk it out and be sure you both want to go down this path.

What follows isn't an exact description of what happens to us every time.  Each venture into the unknown and unpredictable is obviously different.  It is, however, a generally accurate synopsis of what frequently occurs, first from Celeste's point of view and then from mine.

Celeste: I'm going to try to describe something that really can't be put into words.  This is the best I can do, but I know it's not going to make much sense to many readers.

To begin, I have to say that I'm really embarrassed by what I do and say between my second and third orgasm.  It's actually a bit frightening to see how I lose control of myself, but I just get caught up in this desperate need to get where I'm going.  There's a feeling that I'll just go mad if I don't.  It's just raw, sexual need with all the gentleness and affection of our relationship stripped away.  I just want to be fucked, to be possessed and express this need in ways that aren't me and don't need to be shared.  When I feel the third orgasm building inside me, there's such a feeling of relief.  I know everything is going to be all right.  This is my last conscious thought for a while.  That first jolt or thump followed by Jimmy's warm spurt in my ass pushes me over the top and it's "down the rabbit hole."  I feel like I'm falling down a well with the circle of light at the top getting smaller and smaller.  I don't completely lose consciousness, but when I become at all aware of my surrounding again, I'm in a kind of a trance.

Jimmy is gone.  He would stay, but I really want to be alone with my body.  He has, however, turned me over on my back and placed my finger right on my clit.  It's a good thing he has done this as I can barely summon the energy to move at all. 

This state of suspended animation is just an exquisite sensation.  I can't move, don't want to, and feel totally at peace with my own body.  The best way I can describe the feeling is to compare it to a level one hurricane whose eye passed almost directly over our house several years ago.  If you've ever been in the direct path of a hurricane, you know there's a period between the wind and the rain that come before and after when the eye passes over you and the sun comes out, birds chirp, and there's a perfect stillness to the air before the storm resumes.  That total calm is what I experience.

A recurring image is of me floating in a lukewarm sea with the sun beating down on my nipples and clit spreading heat everywhere in my body.   But I'm not part of my own body.  I'm floating on a cloud up in the sky looking down on it.

Another image is that I have fallen into a deep feather bed and am gradually rising to the top of it.

Another is that I'm lying in a field of wildflower and am a little bee buzzing around my body.

These are beautiful feelings that I can prolong for as long as I want simply by gently stroking my clit, which sends me back down the hole.

I know it doesn't make much sense, but that's the best I can do.


Jim:  When Celeste first began to have sequential orgasms, I stayed with her in bed because she was frankly afraid of what was going to happen even though she wanted to have the experience.  With practice, it became obvious that she really didn't need or want me there.  First, she was in this trance-like, non-communicative state and second, although I couldn't really understand it, she was in a special relationship with her body and didn't want me interfering with it.

So, while she is "floating," I take a shower, freshen up, and prepare a light, cold supper that we can eat with our fingers.  After about an hour and a half, I draw a lukewarm bubble bath for her and help, sometimes almost carry her into it, making sure that her arms are propped outside the tub so that she doesn't slip too deeply into the water.

While she is soaking, I perform the very necessary task of changing the sheets and tidying up the bedroom.  After I have eased her out of the tub, I pat (not rub because her skin in supersensitive) her dry, and wrap her in her favorite terry cloth bathrobe.  Then I carry/help Celeste into the study, put on a little soft jazz, gently feed her whatever food I have prepared (grapes and little pieces of cheese are her favorites), and help her drink a glass of her favorite white wine.  Most important, I hold her and gently stroke her hair as she curls up on my chest and just lies there, breathing softly.  After an hour of so, during which the two of us probably don't speak three sentences, I carry Celeste back into the bedroom and tuck her in.  She curls up in a tight little ball and is fast asleep in no time. 

The next day, she is reborn as the energizer bunny.  When I wake up, it's almost always to the smell of coffee and bacon (which we almost never eat) and I know we'll have chocolate chip pancakes (which we also almost never eat) for breakfast.  Celeste will already have run five k, and the rest of the day is a whir of activity:  church, gardening, checking in with the kids, the crossword puzzle, comments on the football game that's being televised:  "he ran into the kicker and there's no flag.  I can't believe it," and on and on.  Celeste humming and singing to herself accompanies all of this.  (Did I mention that she has a beautiful alto voice, often performing solos in the community choir?)  

On one memorable Sunday, we had just returned from church and Celeste was wearing a long winter scarf.   She threw this around my neck, pulled me to her and, looking me straight in the eyes, sang "Danny boy" with a slight change in lyrics:

     But come ye back when summer's
          in the meadow
     Or when the valley's hushed and
          white with snow
     "Tis I'll be there in sunshine or
          in shadow
     O Jimmy boy, O Jimmy boy
          I love you so.

How, I wondered at that moment, could a husband and wife possibly be happier together?

Next:  Sex on Demand



A Guide to Great Anal Sex Pt. 07



Several women readers have been kind enough to write saying that our work has dramatically changed their attitudes toward anal sex, particularly after they asked their husbands and boy friends read it and follow its suggestions. One particularly sweet message was from a wife who told of lying in bed enjoying the afterglow of having been rimmed to an orgasm by her husband for the first time and breaking into tears. He asked her what was wrong and she said, "Nothing honey, it's just that I feel so good and am so happy." 

A general suggestion, however, is that we post the Guide under the "Anal" section of Literotica instead of the "How To" so that more couples read it. Since our whole purpose is to educate, this change makes sense. Please remember, however, that this isn't fantasy. To the best of our ability, it represents what we have learned from our own experiences about anal sex as an expression of mutual love and support. Hopefully, you will use it in the same way. The final three parts: "Sex on Demand," "Games and Frequently Asked Questions," and "Go Pick Apples" will be posted under "Anal." A new reader who wants to review the first six will find them in "How To."

Before "Sex on Demand," an answer to the question of how a woman can have the experience of sequential orgasms (part six) with children at home. Celeste and I are now "empty nesters" and that is what we were describing. When we had children at home, the situation was very different. When any of the three were so young that they couldn't walk, Celeste never asked for sequentials. Once they were on their feet, she would tell me on a Friday evening "I want to 'float' tomorrow morning and I've made a list for you." (This will make more sense after you read this section.) Sequentials took place very early on Saturday mornings. It was then my job to get the kids up, dressed, fed, and out the door while Celeste "floated." We had a long list of errands, and shopping that we did together, usually staying out until after a junk food lunch. The children and I had a great time together, later replaced by all sorts of activities when they became teenagers. I'm sure the phrase "Mommy's sleeping in" took on a special meaning for them not only because of the happy meals and cheering each other on in sports, but also because of the singing and treats that greeted them when they got home. 

Part Seven: Sex on Demand

Even before we married, Celeste and I agreed on the concept of Sex on Demand (s.o.d., or short for sodomy; pretty clever name, isn't it?). The principle is that sexual desire should be openly expressed when it occurs and that any reasonable request should be honored as soon as possible given only the restrictions of our physical states, schedules and commitments, preserving privacy, and not offending the public.

You might think that this openness removes the mystery and romance from sex, but we find it to be exactly the opposite. If you're ass fucking correctly, anal sex is like and underground coal fire. The desire for it is always even though you aren't thinking about it, just like the coal fire in always burning. Once in a while, the flame/thought bursts to the surface. When it does, it is totally liberating for the partner who wants to be pleasured to say openly what s/he wants, and a corresponding joy for the other to supply it. Two weeks ago, for example, I was sitting in the living room one evening reading the newspaper when Celeste emerged from her shower wearing only her bathrobe and said "Jimmy, I want you to tongue fuck my hole and make me scream." So I did and she did, right there on the living room rug.

What s.o.d. does is celebrate Celeste and my sexual attraction to each other instead of hiding it behind elaborate games and maneuvers. If we're at a restaurant, have really enjoyed a glass of wine, and decide to have a second, it's because we enjoyed the wine, not because I'm thinking to myself "maybe I can get Celeste a little tipsy and then she'll let me put my dick in her butt." A walk in the woods holding hands and kicking leaves is exactly that, unless someone turns it into something else. You could say we don't waste time and effort trying to seduce each other because we don't have to.

Here are some things s.o.d. has taught us. 

This might surprise you, but s.o.d. doesn't increase our sexual contacts, it probably decreases them. We are not constantly jumping into bed with each other. In truth, we lead a very balanced life with many other interests. What s.o.d. does, however, is virtually guarantee that every time we have anal sex it will be riveting experience for both of us.

Frotting (see part three) is an exception to the s.o.d. protocol. It is an unspoken expectation that unless our schedules conflict, Celeste and I will frot every morning for between five and ten minutes to wake her body up and until she is completely relaxed or sound asleep every night. For us it almost never leads to orgasms, it's just saying "good morning" and "good night" to someone you love. All happy couples should frot, even if they have no interest in other aspects of anal sex. You don't even have to take off any clothing to enjoy it. 

Celeste: If you want to know how powerful night frotting can be, consider this. About twenty years ago, I tore my meniscus when I landed the wrong way in a volleyball game. It hurt a great deal, especially during the first two weeks, so my doctor gave me a prescription for pain killers to be taken three times a day: in the morning, early afternoon, and when going to bed. I discovered that I only needed to take the first two. Jimmy's frotting relaxed my body so much that I slept pain-free without taking a pill!

It may surprise you to learn that Celeste initiates s.o.d. about three-quarters of the time. Even more remarkable is the fact that many times she doesn't want to be the recipient of anal pleasure but the deliverer. Guys: a woman gets just as turned on by stimulating you anally and you do by doing the same for her. This is particularly true because a man's orgasm is so visible and can be dramatic. We've never tried a strap-on, but Celeste has fucked me with a dildo. It hurt at first, but that didn't last long. It seemed remote and impersonal, didn't do a thing for either of us, and we didn't pursue it. Now her fingers or her tongue is an entirely different story. 

Does enjoying it when Celeste puts them in my ass make me "bi-sexual" or "gay?" I don't think so, but I wouldn't care if it did earn that label. It gives me pleasure because she wants to do it. Get used to this idea because a man who doesn't want (or isn't willing) to receive anal pleasure as well as give it can't be a great lover. Besides, it feels really good.

The variables words, time and location add to the attractions of s.o.d. 

It's a good thing to get used to saying "ass," "fuck," "suck," and every other word in your sexual vocabulary. It's both exciting and liberating as it frees you from your inhibitions. With s.o.d, it's also very useful to know exactly what you or your partner wants.

As to time, s.o.d. comes up randomly. The middle of the night is not unusual for us, but Celeste believes that her body runs on daily clock that makes her most orgasmic between 9 and 10 in the morning and in late afternoon. To accommodate this, she often asks for a "two part fuck." We do whatever she's asked for, but stop when the p.o.i. (part four) approaches and do something completely non-sexual: have breakfast, run a couple of errands, mow the lawn. When we return to sex, usually after an hour or so, you can imagine the results.

Until she went through menopause, Celeste also loved anal sex when she was having her period. However, we learned from a frightening experience not to have sequentials then. We did this once and her skin turned grayish-blue and went clammy. We both thought that she might have been about to go into shock and we never tried it again. One of the cautions to remember about anal sex is that it's far more likely to be too stimulating than not stimulating enough. So sequentials during menstruation joined anal fisting and going from Celeste's ass to her vagina with anything as absolute unreasonable no-nos for us.

Having limited control over where s.o.d. comes up is also a wonderful thing, particularly as it often takes us out of the bedroom and onto the living room rug or elsewhere. One day after the kids had been picked up for school we were in the garage ready to get in our cars and go to work. Celeste was wearing a beautiful yellow dress and her ass just looked stunning in it. Because it was what I was thinking, I said "I want to fuck" and we did, right there on the hood of a car and it was spectacular. Then we went back into the house, cleaned up, changed clothes, and went off. The spontaneity of it all made it so pleasurable.

Finally, you will think that what follows is some sort of Freudian fantasy when you read about rims, the Grand Canyon and a tall spruce tree, but this actually took place exactly as I have written it, and I have a witness. 

Celeste: Every word is true.

Celeste and I agree that our most memorable episode of s.o.d. took place on the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. It was twenty-five years ago, but thinking about it even now gives me an instant erection and still turns Celeste on (see the "Games" section of part eight for her unfounded complaint about my cheating when we play the French Chef). Also, please don't try this on the South Rim. You'll end up in the Flagstaff jail, charged with indecent exposure. The fact is that a very small number of visitors go to the North Rim and once you get a mile out from the parking lot you're almost guaranteed to be all alone.

Anyway, the children were with their grandparents so Celeste and I treated ourselves to a week of hiking in the west. We had come down from Zion and were about four miles out on a trail that led through some spruce trees as it skirted the North Rim. It was early September; the weather was perfect, the scenery unbelievable, and it was just so quiet and peaceful. "Oh, Jimmy," Celeste said, "put your dick in my ass." So off came the backpacks and down went the pants. Celeste braced herself against a large tree with one hand and spread her butt cheeks with the other. When I docked with her it was obvious that she had been thinking about this for a while. She was wet, her hole was very hot, and her rhythmic contractions on my dick started almost at once. After a couple of minutes, she shifted her position slightly and pushed down on my penis so that it came right up against her g-spot separated from it only by the membrane that's between the anal canal and the vagina. (Don't forget that the ease of this access is one of the great advantages to anal sex.) We just stayed like that, absorbed in the total environment until Celeste's body started to tremble. I hooked my arm around her and held her up as she orgasmed. When I felt those two or three distinctive little contractions, I knew that she had ejaculated. That just sent me over the top. I came as hard as I have ever cum in my life. Rather stunned, we just leaned against the tree. But the sight of my cum dribbling down Celeste's inner thigh with the Grand Canyon as the background is a memory for life. Then we got dressed and hiked back to our car, holding hands when we could, in what can only be described as a daze. 

Part Eight: Games and Frequently Asked Questions. 



A Guide to Great Anal Sex Pt. 08



Part Eight: Games and Frequently Asked Questions

Games

There's a fun side to anal sex that involves lovers playing games with each other. As a matter of fact, it would be great to have a website dedicated to sexual games so that we all could compare notes. Celeste and I have enjoyed several over the years and thought we would share two with you, one from when we were first married and one that we play today.

Mount Vesuvius

When we were newlyweds, Celeste and I both had starter positions in our professions. We weren't poor, but we were careful about how we spent money and on a fairly strict budget. Our one indulgence were two Saturday nights a month when we did something just for fun that wasn't budgeted. How much we spent was determined by the game that we played on the Monday before Saturday, being sure that I hadn't cum on Sunday. Sometimes, usually when we had an expensive concert that we wanted to attend, we played on Tuesday night when I was carrying a three-day load.

Back then, with the arrogance of youth, I was very proud of how hard and far I could cum. Celeste knew this and also that playing with my nipples drove me crazy. She had a large ostrich feather that she had picked up at a costume store for a play in which she had once acted. So the game started with me lying on our bed with my hands under my butt cheeks (I wasn't allowed ever to touch myself; that was cheating) and Celeste licking or gently biting my nipples. When this had gotten me rock hard, out came that feather with which she stroked my entire body, but concentrated on my nipples. That drove me to distraction, setting my nerves completely on edge. After a couple of minutes, tears would form in the corners of my eyes and roll down the sides of my face, not because I was sad but because it felt as though my body was about to explode. When she saw this, Celeste would announce, "It's time for Mount Vesuvius." Then she doubled a pillow up and placed it under my butt for easy access to my hole. My hands were under the pillow and on the bed. Another rule was that my heels always had to be touching the bed.  Then she spit on her pointer finger (or lubed it) and stuck it right up my ass until it nestled against my prostate. With her finger there, she took my dick in her other hand and, aiming it right at my face, stroked the frenulum. I fucked myself on her finger and it only took three or four thrusts for me to experience a "gusher." "My own little water fountain," Celeste used to call it. When it was over, she added up the score as she either wiped up the cum or licked it off my body. (She didn't do this very often as the taste of my cum isn't a favorite of hers.) This determined how much money we had to spend on Saturday night. A spot of cum (Celeste was always the judge of whether it was a spot or a stream that counted as several spots) below my belly button was a dribble and only counted for one dollar. One that landed between my belly button and chin was worth two dollars, anything on my face five, anything that landed directly in my mouth ten, and anything that hit the headboard over my head (this happened twice during all the time we played) counted for twenty dollars. The most money we ever had to spend was $58, which was quite a bit of money back then.

The French Chef

This is a more sophisticated game that we've played for the last several years. As a matter of fact, it was while looking for material to use in it that I found the Literotica website, where there is, incidentally, quite a bit of very good writing. Celeste and I play it on Friday mornings, after breakfast but before she goes to work. The rules are very simple. We sit opposite of each other at the dining room table with only our fingertips touching, starring into each other's eyes. I describe in intimate detail what I'm going to do and how she's going to feel the next time we have sex. The game revolves around the detail. The more I can create a word picture that truly excites her, the better my chances of winning. When I've finished, Celeste goes off to work. (I'm consulting and at home now). She has about a twenty-minute drive to her office and the rule is that she can't touch herself in any way while I'm telling the story or until after she is sitting at her desk. The question is whether of not she'll masturbate during the day. I call at 4 p.m. to see who won. If she has masturbated, Celeste stops on the way home and buys the ingredients for a dinner that she then cooks. If she hasn't, I go out, buy them and cook for her.  I'm a good cook, but it's a good thing that we have a warming oven because I know that Friday night dinner is not going to be Celeste's highest priority when she gets home.

Celeste: I love this game and always play to win. It's also true that I can be sitting at my desk at work, close my eyes with my hands folded on the desk, and almost have an orgasm thinking of how good it felt the last time Jimmy reamed me. Put the two together and you'll understand why it was so sweet when I won after the morning story was "The Travels and Adventures of the Magical Tongue." I might have won, but it's also true that when I got home all I wanted to do was to rip off the cook's apron he was wearing along with the rest of his clothes and throw him into bed, which is what I almost did. He claims that he almost suffocated when my thighs put his head in a "death grip" as he acted out the story. Generally, it's a good thing that I like to cook as much as Jimmy. BTW, the implication what he's better in the kitchen simply isn't true. He's been known to mess up a hollandaise because he didn't temper his eggs properly. He also cheats! One of the ground rules to The French Chef is that he can't work the Grand Canyon into his story because experience shows that I'll lose every time if he does. Well, he breaks this rule all the time. For example, many trees do you know that grow at the North Pole that I could grab a hold of?

(Authors are invited to incorporate either of these games into stories they might write without attribution. The same holds true for anything in this guide. It would be fun to see how their retelling at the hands of a better writer enhances our life experiences. If you do use the guide as the basis for a story, please drop us an email so we can enjoy your work.)

Frequently Asked Questions

Over the course of writing this guide we have received many questions and some interesting observations. Here are some of the most useful.

1. What about the use of lube and condoms? 

We occasionally use lube and don't use condoms. We have a glycerin based (never petroleum) one on hand for specific s.o.d. requests that come up suddenly, for when Celeste wants to be deeply penetrated and for when I am being finger fucked. Remember, however, that most of our anal contact involves shallow, gentle penetration that produces its own wetness and outercourse doesn't involve any penetration at all. Lube is a great confidence builder and those starting out should probably use it all the time.

ALL CAPS TO EMPHASIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF THE USE OF CONDOMS IN TODAY'S WORLD OF ANAL SEX. I read in the newspaper earlier this year that the biggest change in Americans' sexual behavior over the past twenty years has been the growing popularity of anal sex. The Center for Disease Control reports that about one-third of all men and women say they have had anal sex by age twenty-four. The National College Health Assessment for 2008 reported that 24% of enrolled men and 19% if women said they had had anal sex, and a high percentage of these more than once a month. That may be great news on the pleasure scale, but it's a huge red flag on the health one because of the concept of "friends with privileges" and the likelihood of multiple experiences with different partners.

Celeste and I grew up in a different world. Very few couples had anal sex, or at least very few talked about it. We're bubble babies since we have been in a totally monogamous relationship for thirty-five years. Back then, children weren't dying from peanut allergies either. Unless you can be absolutely certain that your partner has never had another partner or isn't going to have one, which is doubtful, DON'T BAREBACK. THE RISKS ARE FAR TO HIGH. USE A CONDOM.

2. Is it really true that your sexual contact is anal?

Almost. When we received the question, we tried to calculate the numbers. Since we've been married, Celeste has probably experienced between five and six thousand orgasms (frotting doesn't count) and all but several hundred of them have involved anal stimulation or penetration. However, we don't want to be misunderstood. Vaginal intercourse is a very pleasant experience. For us, however, anal intercourse takes pleasure and the expression of love to an entirely different and far more profound level. The two just don't compare.

3. A truism is that when you try to teach something you always end up learning something. One reader's observation proves this. S/he (hard to tell) wrote that the parallels between a woman and a man's body are striking. Both have nipples and sphincter furrows. Both have centers for intense pleasure accessed through the anus and at almost exactly the same spot in the body: the g-spot and the prostate. Both have external sites of great sensitivity, the clitoris and the frenulum. Finally, there is a spot between a man's ball sac and anus (try putting an ice cube there during sex and see what happens) that corresponds to the arms of the clitoris on a woman. I don't think we had ever thought of the parallels in exactly these terms, but the reader is absolutely correct.

4. What is the role of pornography in your lives?

Not much. We don't really have time for it nor feel we need it. Once in a while, when we're feeling rather smug, we will watch some anal porn for its amusement value. The disconnect between what porn merchants sell as what they think makes anal sex so appealing and its real attraction is astounding, and so degrading, particularly to women but to men as well.

5. Have you talked with your children about anal sex?

We thought this was a really interesting question. The answer is no. I suppose we might talk about it if we were asked a direct question, but that hasn't happened. It seems to us that nothing is more embarrassing to children than having parents discuss their sex lives with them. That's "too much information" by any standard. They're all smart and will figure it out on their own if they want to. They do have as a model very happy parents and have to know that sex has something to do with that happiness.

Next the Conclusion: Go Pick Apples



A Guide to Great Anal Sex Pt. 09



Conclusion: Go Pick Apples

Celeste:

We are at the end of the guide. I've volunteered to write a summary of the physical part, how to have great anal sex. Jimmy gets the harder assignment dealing with emotion, why to have great anal sex.

Here's my non-scientific explanation for how anal sex can take a woman to a pleasure point she might not even know existed. The two most erogenous areas in a woman's body are her clitoris and the furrow between her inner and outer sphincters. When they are stimulated simultaneously, they react to each other synergistically, sending pleasure messages to the brain not in a 1+1=2 ratio but as 1+1=4. That's the most basic concept, secret number one.

Armed with this knowledge, perform a simple test on yourself to see if you are receptive to anal sex. No one will ever know that you took it, unless you tell them. It will also be completely painless.

The next time you are in the mood to masturbate, take a pillow, fold it over on itself and slide it under your butt to provide easy access to your hole. Approaching from the rear, take the pointer finger of hand you don't masturbate with, lube it or just spit on it, and insert it into your ass. Slowly and gently push inward until you touch something that feels like a tight little rubber band. That is the outer sphincter that you can control. Push beyond it until you meet resistance. That is the inner sphincter that requires training. Do not push through it. That would be very likely to cause pain, perhaps sharp, shooting pain. Instead, run the ball of your fingertip around in the furrow between your outer and inner sphincter. When your comfortable with the sensation this creates, rest your finger in one spot and press in. I think that this spot should be off to the side, not the point closest to your vagina. That's way too much sensation for me. While continuing to press in, take your other hand and stroke your clit in your favorite way to an orgasm. Now, honestly answer the question of what you felt. If it was just a regular orgasm, you probably are not going to get a great deal of pleasure from anal sex for any number of reasons. If you're like me, however, this exercise will produce a very different experience from just masturbating. I feel a warm glow spreading upward through my body and sense a growing wetness. Then my body starts to tremble. As my orgasm approaches, my hips seem to rise up off the bed and then slam down when it hits. The first contraction is huge, followed by several smaller ones. If your experience is somewhat like mine, you probably will enjoy anal sex.

BTW, a guy can administer exactly the same test to himself the next time he jerks off.

If this test makes you want to go on, it's really only becomes a question of who's going to put what where and when, something Jimmy and I have written about in great detail.

Secret number two flow directly from secret number one. When you encounter the phrase "anal sex is not for everybody," it usually means one of two things. It may mean that you have moral or religious objections to it. In that case, congratulations on having a strong belief system that hopefully brings you happiness and peace of mind. It can, however, also mean that many women are reluctant to endure the pain of the early stages of insertion. Secret number two is that you don't have to penetrate through a woman's inner sphincter to have great anal sex. Frotting and rimming by themselves provide exquisite pleasure for a woman, as rimming does for a man. They should be in any lover's repertoire. I could easily see how anal outercourse and vaginal intercourse would be a perfect combination for many couples. Just never do them in that order in the same session. Never.

If you want to go on to penetration beyond the inner sphincter, reread the section on training and understand what is going to happen.

Do I want you ramming in and out of my ass? Not very often. Can you induce a huge orgasm in me by bottoming out and manhandling (literally) my clit? Yes. The physical sensations produced from this will overwhelm me. But that's not making love, however, that's dominating, possessing, and working out male fantasies.

Great anal sex is the sex of touch, and it requires restraint on the man's part. For us, it's Jimmy lightly running his fingers over my spine and causing goose bumps to break out everywhere as his penis pushes against my g-spot. It's his tongue licking between my inner and outer sphincter and making my body shake. It's him placing the rim of the head of his dick in my furrow, pulsing it but not pushing, and letting me luxuriate in the involuntary contractions that are going to lead me to a beautiful orgasm. It's all of this and so much more.

It turns out that ancient civilizations knew a great deal about gentle anal sex. If you want to learn what they knew, google "tantric anal sex" for explanations. These can be fairly technical and may use confusing Sanskrit terms, but Jennifer Lawless's blog is written in plain English and readable. Be sure not to miss her piece on massaging a man's prostate.

I love Jimmy for many reasons, but one of them is because he practices the anal sex of touch. He knows that he's in the most delicate and sensitive spot in my body because I want him there. He also know these principles for bringing me pleasure and being a great, sensitive, physical lover:

1. 95 times out of a hundred, shallow trumps deep penetration and that I'll tell him when this isn't going to be true. There's nothing deeper in my body than my g-spot that you can touch and bring me additional pleasure.

2. 95 times out of a hundred, slow and gentle thrusting trumps fast and hard.

3. Even better, don't thrust at all. Usually, I want to fuck myself on his dick, not have him fuck me. I know exactly how to shift my hips so that he reaches the magic spots I want to have touched at any particularly moment and he, no matter how considerate he is, can only guess. Here's a guarantee. Let the woman lead and she'll take a lover to new levels of pleasure for himself that make bottoming out totally forgettable.

4. I don't want Jimmy to touch my clit. That's imposing his will on me. Believe me, I know how to bring myself to an orgasm when I want to have one.

5. Many times, however, I don't want to proceed in a straight line from arousal to an orgasm. There's nothing wrong with me or with our relationship. Rather, I want to spend the day on the delicious edge of remembering my last orgasm or anticipating the next. Thinking about the pleasures of anal sex can be as enjoyable, sometimes more enjoyable, than the act itself.

Jimmy's understanding of all this makes him a great lover.

Jim:

We wanted to end this series with how Celeste and my relationship developed because it answers the question of why, not how, we have great anal sex. Unfortunately, it's a saccharine boy meets girls, boy and girl lose each other, boy and girl get back together and ride off into the sunset type story. There is an important lesson in it, however, which is why we wanted to conclude with it.

Celeste and I met during our sophomore year in college when we were in a calculus class together. I was a naïve kid with limited sexual experience. Celeste was a dream to me: bright, witty, and extremely attractive. I pursued her and we started to date very casually. As the sexual revolution was in full swing, these dates frequently ended with her masturbating me and seeing her "own little water fountain" as she called it in action "Oh," she'd say, "I want to feel that." The problem was that she was a good Roman Catholic and I, while not as faithful, also attended church regularly. We both knew that the church refused to sanction the use of birth control devices and so, without telling me, Celeste began the training for anal sex that we have described. You can laugh, but we started ass fucking because we wanted to be good Catholics, not have children, and still enjoy a sexual relationship. It isn't very logical in retrospect, but it made sense at the time.

[Anal sex as a method of birth control is very unreliable. It growing popularity (see part eight) has, however, had an important effect on population growth. This Wednesday, USA Today had a front-page article about how American couples are having fewer babies and at a later age. "Experts" were puzzled by this trend and could not exactly explain it. There probably are complicated economic and social explanations that are more important, but it's also a fact that as more and more couples are discovering the pleasures of ass fucking, fewer babies are being born.] 

Eventually, I fumbled and bumbled my way through the introductory phases of anal sex with a very patient Celeste, who put up with many premature ejaculations and other mistakes on my part. Finally, I mastered the two "secrets" and the five rules even though she must have thought, although she never said anything, that I was a slow learner. We went on to have a riotously sensual sophomore year: great, casual anal sex that was non-committal, but pleasurable beyond belief.

Then Celeste left for her junior year abroad and I had the opportunity to "play the field," something I did with great enthusiasm. I went out with a series of girls, most of whom I took to bed, penetrated only as deeply as they wanted, and all of whom experienced intense orgasms that were a new experience for them and provoked two reactions: "I didn't know that was possible" and "let's do it again." But a funny thing happened. The more I anal sex I engaged in, the less pleasure it brought me.

Things came to a head one day in the fraternity house when a friend said to me "Jim, my man, you're becoming a big man on campus. I heard two girls talking at the student union and one said 'You ought to go out on a date with Jim. He really knows how to make a girl feel good. Believe me, I know.'"

Instead of being proud of this reputation, I was devastated. What was I becoming? I thought. I was a dick for hire. I was using girls but they they were also using me. The intensity of the physical pleasure prevented forming any meaningful relations.

So I just stopped going out. I was very discrete, but I just didn't date any more, and went into what friends described as a "monkish phase." That summer I worked construction, prepared an outline for my senior thesis, and kept far away from all things sexual.

In the fall, Celeste came back from Paris and we found unexpectedly ourselves in a seminar entitled: "Books That Shocked the Twentieth Century." One of the texts was D.H. Lawrence's Lady Chatterley's Lover, the story of the affair between a noble woman and her gamekeeper. We discussed it in a Saturday class (that tells you how long ago this was), after which Celeste and I ended up having coffee together. "You know," she said, "Lady Chatterley and Oliver weren't only having a scandalous affair, they were making love through the back door. Remember how much fun that was?" Yielding to temptation, I said "let's go back to my place and remember together." Up we got and headed for my apartment. I remember trying to hold my books in front of me so that nobody could see my erection.

We had gotten about half way across campus when Celeste stopped and said something that literally changed our lives: "You know, Jim (I wasn't Jimmy yet), "we can always fuck, but it's perfect weather for apple picking and we can't always do that. Let's do that instead. Drive over and meet me in an hour." For some reason, I felt a sense of total relief when she said that.

So I went home, got in my ancient Volkswagen bug (the one with the engine in the back and the little lever that opened the reserve gas tank in the ceiling. I loved that car,) and drove over to her place. She came out with a picnic hamper and an empty bushel basket. We drove out to a local orchard and spent the rest of the morning and afternoon picking apples, talking about her time in Paris, having a really nice lunch, and laughing when she stole the ladder and wouldn't give it back while I was up a tree. Then it was back to her apartment and an evening spent coring and pealing apples, milling them, cooking them, adding the sugar and cinnamon, and sealing applesauce in sterilized mason jars for distribution to our friends the next day. When we finished, Celeste gave me a kiss on the cheek and said "that was really fun. See you tomorrow." As I left, I was as happy as I had been in a long time.

The next week we attended a slide show on owls that we both wanted to see, then movies, then dinners, hand holding, and long walks. After about a month, we went to bed together—and the sex was wonderful, as it would have been the Saturday morning of the seminar, but with a profound difference. Now we knew and enjoyed each other on a personal level we never had before. I knew that she had been named for a nurse who saved her grandfather's life during World War I, she that I could do an imitation of Richard Nixon that made her laugh so hard she had to ask me to stop, and thousands of other things. After that, when we did whatever we did in bed or elsewhere, it wasn't blindingly sensual but impersonal sex. We were speaking a language of commitment and that commitment led to love, marriage, and true happiness.

What we realized as we worked on this writing project was that where we began was not where we were ending up. We began wanting to write a guide, to explain our experiences with anal sex, to demystify it and to make its pleasures available to readers. On a that level, we succeeded—or at least many of you have been kind enough to say we did. We've detailed our physical experiences as openly and as honestly as we could. If A does x with B, y is the result.

On a deeper level, however, we've haven't written a guide, we've written a dictionary. It explains ways we express our love, support and commitment for each other through anal sex. Each act has a meaning that we both understand. When I put my tongue in exactly the right spot and Celeste screams into her pillow, I'm saying "I know this makes you happy and because it makes you happy, it makes me happy." When I frot her at night and feel the tension drain out of her body as she drifts off to sleep, I'm saying "I'm glad you're part of my life, thank you for spending the day with me, and I'll be here for you in the morning." When Celeste docks with me and her sphincters begin rhythmically to milk me, she's saying "I love you and I want you to be as happy as I am."

You can and should write your own dictionary, but you have to pick apples first. 

At home, we have an old-fashioned hope chest, filled with the mementos of our lives: a football I threw for a winning touchdown in high school, a fulsome newspaper review of Celeste rendition of an show-stopping aria, lots of baby books, and the like. You know what else you would find in that chest carefully wrapped in a blanket from the Grand Canyon hiking trip? The one remaining mason jar of applesauce from the day that changed our lives thirty-five years ago.

A long and happy life to you all.

Celeste and Jim

-30-