1 comments/ 22080 views/ 2 favorites Summers of Love and Tragedy By: fantasyhunter2 Author's note: This story did not fit into any neat category. There is group and one on one sex (hetero and homosexual) depicted. There is love and there is loss. If your idea of group sex is one guy with multiple women this may not be the story for you. On June 2, 1967 I graduated from high school. The next day I stuck my thumb out in a westerly direction along side route 40 in rural Pennsylvania. That was before the days of coast-to-coast interstate highways and in a time when a young man with long flowing hair and a full beard wasn't welcome in everyone's car. Thus began a ten day odyssey of jumping into vehicles with strangers in my attempt to reach the west coast. Though I didn't do an exact count, I reckoned that it took about a hundred individual rides to get to my destination. Some of those rides were pretty scary and I was even convinced in a few cases I was going to be taken out to some desolate area and raped or killed. Even before the movies Easy Rider and Deliverance popularized the idea of rednecks murdering hippies or ass fucking hapless travelers, my imagination could easily conjure up horrible images. But imagination and danger be damned, I was determined to get to San Francisco that summer. A month before my nineteenth birthday, I made it. I was standing on the corner of Haight and Ashbury, the mecca of hippie culture. That neighborhood was everything the history books say it was in the summer of 1967. Countless lost young souls wandered the streets in a psychedelic fog seeking the promise of peace and love. Though I embraced the hippie life style it wasn't so much the peace movement that drew me as the sex, drugs and rock n'roll. The music spoke to some, I suppose. To me it was just the background soundtrack to a hedonistic orgy of pleasures involving both the flesh and the mind. Drugs flowed like water and easy doesn't come close to describing the sexual ways of the hippie chicks that came to San Francisco with flowers in their hair. The second day I was there I fucked some chick whose name I didn't even know with hundreds of people all around in Golden Gate Park. A few weeks later I saw her hanging out with a few other totally spaced out chicks. It wasn't until years later that I realized they were the kinds of girls that disappeared forever or ended up with characters like Charles Manson. I also had many brushes with the famous or soon to be famous in my first days in San Francisco. I partied at Jerry Garcia's house and occasionally ran into Janis Joplin on the street. There was always music and many future stars could be seen playing for free in the parks or for the price of a beer in local psychedelic clubs. I had been there about three weeks when I discovered another side to the summer of love; hippie chicks weren't the only ones who were easy. There were a lot of gay men in San Francisco than as now and bisexually was looked upon by many as just another expression of freedom. I was at one of a seemingly continuous stream of orgies humping another nameless, drugged out chick from behind when I noticed a guy near me sucking a cock while he was fucking what I thought was a chick. At first I thought it was a hallucination. But it was far too real. As I looked around, I saw more sexual pairings I had not considered. There were girls with girls and two guys clearly blowing each other as well as a wild looking threesome happening. Up to that point I had never given sex with a guy much thought at all. Hippie chicks were easy even in my hometown so I didn't have much motivation to consider other sources of sexual release. A few days later I was hanging out at some guy's house I had gotten to know pretty well. I was stoned senseless on a combination of pot and opium when this twenty something dude with very long almost white hair, that turned out to be my friend's roommate, came over and sat next to me. I can't tell you to this day what the hell we talked about for the next half hour. I can tell you he was what I would recognize now as a very hot guy. At the time he was just another hippie who was talking too much. Even though I had begun to think a little about sexual experimentation with guys, I hadn't begun to appreciate male attractiveness. I did however begin to get a vibe from him that had he been a chick I would have known meant I was going to get laid. As stoned as I was I figured it was probably just a horny hallucination and ignored the feeling. I don't know how long we had talked before he came right out and said, "Hey, man, I think it would be a trip to suck your cock." I heard myself saying, "Cool," and watched myself walk upstairs to a bedroom with him even though I was thinking the whole time that I wasn't into that scene. Once in the bedroom he asked me what I was into. I was feeling dizzy and my senses were on fire. "Never been into guys before," I mumbled as he began to undress me. "Far out," He declared as he dropped my shirt on the floor and moved his fingers to the buttons on my pants. I was already excited and hard due to the anticipation of getting my cock sucked, but I wasn't sure I could return the favor. "Man, I don't know if this is a good idea," I managed to say as he pushed my pants down. "Relax, man, its cool. You don't have to do anything but enjoy," He assured me. The idea that I could get a blow job and not have to return the favor made it all ok in my mind. He had me sit on the bed so that he could get my pants completely off. Since I didn't wear underwear or shoes that day I was suddenly naked with a guy. I was also so horny it didn't matter to me that the mouth that was about to suck my dick was attached to a male body. I didn't even mind when he started to take off his clothes. It was the first time that I had ever paid much attention to a guy undressing. I didn't yet appreciate that a guy could be sexually appealing, but I did find his hard cock fascinating. Though I had seen plenty of erect cocks at orgies, being the object of attraction to a guy was something new and in many ways I wish my first time with a guy hadn't happened when I was stoned out of my mind. But then in might never have happened if I wasn't stoned. His cock was hard and very different from mine. I could only assume that he was on the short side since his cock was a good two inches shorter than mine which in my naivety I had assumed was about average at somewhere over seven inches. The other difference was the thickness of his sausage. It was a lot fatter than mine and had what looked at the time to be a huge head. In addition he had a pair of balls that were so big I was sure wearing pants must have been uncomfortable. I was glad to see he wasn't very hairy. Even though he was a few years older than me, he looked younger which helped me relax. He smiled at me when he noticed I was watching him. Then he licked his lips and walked toward me. As he knelt down at my feet he ran his hands up my thighs sending chills right to my core. I responded to his gentle nudging by spreading my legs for him. I was surprised when instead of immediately gobbling up my cock he moved his mouth to my balls. Only a couple of the many chicks who had blown me up to that point had paid much attention to my balls with their mouth. Some had fondled them, most too roughly. But this guy was amazing; he used his lips and tongue on my sack as if he was a cock sucking artist. During the long session of ball worship he moaned things about sucking my nuts being far out and me having a groovy body. He was one of the few people I have ever known who could say groovy without sounding like an idiot. He was also the only one who ever said it while sucking my balls. After some time he moved from my balls to my cock. He ran his lips and tongue up and down my shaft. Each time he reached the top he would swirl his tongue around my throbbing cock head. He hadn't taken my cock into his mouth and I already knew he was the best cock sucker I had been with to that point in my life. When he finally began to suck my cock in earnest, I was sure I had gone to heaven. His tongue teased the underside of my shaft as he slowly engulfed nearly my entire length. No chick had come close to taking me as deep as he was taking me. Though at that point I no longer cared that he had a cock instead of pussy, it would have been easy for me to imagine that it was just another nameless chick sucking my dick. When I looked down all I saw was his long blond hair draped over my crotch and laying on his smooth back. I couldn't see his dick or balls as they were hidden under his kneeling body. His ass was as shapely and smooth as any female I had ever seen naked. I didn't think much about the lack of tits or his very tiny male nipples. When his face brushed my skin I didn't feel any stubble. He was either a very close shaver or one of those guys who couldn't grow a beard even in his early twenties. At that point the drugs and the pleasure he was providing combined to produce a disassociation of mind and body. It was like I was watching myself get a blow job. I saw the blond head bobbing up and down and heard the deep moans coming from my lips. The sensation of being sucked turned into pictures of my cock sliding in and out of a pair of soft lips in my mind. I was close to the edge for a long time. As often was the case when I ingested heavy doses of mind altering substances orgasm was delayed. I did not consider at the time that the guy was actually keeping me just at brink intentionally. At least not until he let my cock slip from his mouth and looked up at me. "You ready to fuck me, man?" He asked in voice that sounded like it was coming from outer space. I wasn't even really sure what he was asking me. All I could think was that he didn't have a pussy. I wasn't stupid; I had just never considered the idea of fucking a guy. I had had anal sex once with a chick that was so whacked out I doubt she knew I was in her ass and not her cunt. I sure knew though. I had fucked her before and her pussy was loose unlike her ass which felt like a vice grip on my dick. "What ever you want, man," I heard myself say. He stood up and suddenly his chubby cock was only inches from my face. I reached out and touched his fat erection. He smiled as I awkwardly handled a cock for the first time. "How do we do this?" I asked as I moved my fingers to his huge balls. I hefted them in my palm as if I was weighing some exotic fruit. As they were nearly hairless they felt surprisingly smooth and soft to the touch. "Since it is your first time, it probably will work best if I bend over and you stand behind me. I was so fascinated with his balls that I almost forgot what we were talking about. My memory came back when he grabbed something off the night stand and handed it to me. By that point enough of the fog from the drugs had lifted so that the reality of what I was about to do set in a bit. I looked at the jar of Vaseline in my hand and wondered what I was supposed to do as he bent over the bed and presented his ass. Again from the angle I was looking at him, he could as easily have been some chick I was about to fuck. When I moved directly behind him that illusion was completely destroyed. His large balls hanging below his smooth sexy looking ass left no mistake about his gender. It didn't much matter though. I was so horny and still stoned enough that I probably would have fucked a sheep. I opened the jar and scooped up a large dollop of the greasy goop with my fingers. I spread his ass cheeks and began to work the lubricant into his tight hole. He began to moan as I slid first one and then two fingers deep into his ass. His moans encouraged me to continue to finger fuck him. I started to feel his rectum tense every time I hit a certain spot. When I began to concentrate on that spot I could see that he was trembling. "Damn, man, you're good. I am tripping here," He gasped and rammed his ass onto my fingers. After a couple of minutes of grinding against my fingers he exhorted me to lube up my dick and get busy. "Come on man, I need that big cock inside me, now!" He begged. I pulled my fingers out of his ass and quickly coated my cock in Vaseline. But, I had a problem. I had no idea how to fuck a guy. When I had fucked the chick in the ass we were lying down and I simply pulled my dick out of her pussy and moved it to her ass. Once I forced my way inside her rear entrance I simply banged away as if I was still fucking her cunt. I timidly guided my slippery cock to his equally slippery hole. Every time I tried to push my dick into his ass it just slipped around in his crack. After several attempts he reached back and grabbed hold of my dick. He held my cock head to the target as I pushed and suddenly I popped past his anus. "Oh, yeah, man," He moaned in a dreamy stoned out voice as I slid my cock into his rectum. I didn't stop until I was ball deep inside his ass. He never showed any sign that he felt the pain I had expected him to feel. "Oh man, that big cock feels far out, now fuck me baby!" He demanded as he was shoving his ass back at me. Having no other experience to draw on, I pulled back and began banging his ass as if he was some chick I was doing doggy style. Though his moans were a little deeper than most chicks it was fairly easy to fall into the fantasy that I was fucking a chick with a nice tight cunt. His long flowing hair and smooth back and ass could have been female. I could no longer see his balls and even though mine were slapping against his at that point, it was easy to imagine my balls were hitting some part of the female anatomy. However, I kept coming back to the idea that I was fucking a guy and liking it a lot. Almost as if I wanted to hold onto the idea that it was a male under me and not some chick, I reached under his belly and took his cock in my hand. I started jacking him off as I continued to pound his ass. "Oh fuck," He wailed as the pace of my strokes matched up with the pace of my thrusts. Suddenly, he jammed his ass back against me and I felt like my cock was trapped. I was certain if I tried to pull back that my throbbing member would be ripped from my body. We ground together as his convulsing rectal walls massaged my cock and he spurted cum onto the bed. Thirty seconds later pleasure blinded my stoned mind as I empty my balls deep into his body. I don't know how we got from that point to sleeping side-by-side but I woke up in bed naked with a man for the first time the next morning. In hindsight it was probably a good thing that I spent the night in his bed. Otherwise, I likely would have thought the experience was just a hallucination. However, at that moment I was a bit confused about the whole thing. Waking up with a naked man for the first time with a heavy opium hangover caused some questioning of what I had always known my sexuality to be. I was enough into the whole free love idea not to be overly concerned about enjoying a blow job from a guy or even fucking him in the ass. But there was a hunk of unaccounted for time after I came in his ass that made me wonder what else I might have done. Since my ass wasn't sore I didn't think I had let him fuck me, but I wondered if I might have sucked my first cock. My pondering of the situation ended when my bedmate awoke and said, "Hey, man, good morning, far out time last night." "Uh huh," I mumbled as I looked around for my clothes while avoiding eye contact. "You ok, man?" He asked clearly concerned though he wasn't fully awake. "Yeah, everything is cool," I semi lied, "Just feeling a little doped out and I was supposed to be somewhere today, man." "Oh cool, maybe we can get together again?" I made no commitment as I jumped out of bed and slipped into my jeans. Once I had found my shirt and sandals, I thanked him for a fun night the same way I would with a chick that I had no intention of seeing again. I am not sure he picked up the signal or if he did he obviously ignored my meaning. He just laid there naked, fully exposed, smiling and told me how groovy I was. I left the room without exchanging names. For some reason as I walked toward a coffee shop where I knew I could get more than coffee I noticed the date on a newspaper in one of those metal dispensing machines. It just happened that it was my nineteenth birthday. I reflected that I had had a pretty momentous beginning to another year. I decided to see if I could use the fact of it being my birthday to get the sexy older chick that ran the coffee house and sold various mind altering substances from the back room to let me fuck her. I was feeling a little in need of proving my manhood that morning. As it turned out the 40-year old proprietor was being visited by her equally sexy 21-year old daughter that morning. "Hey, man," Julia the owner greeted me, "You're looking a little spaced Jackie, I guess you made the scene last night." "I'm maintaining, sexy lady. Just the usual shit, smoking dope and screwing," I shot back trying to be casual. "Cool, I can definitely dig that, baby. Oh this is my daughter, Cindy. Cindy this trippin dude is Jack." "Damn, Julia, I don't want to sound like I'm putting ya on, but no way are you old enough to be this chick's old lady." "Jeez, mom, you still got the out a sight dudes trying to ball you!" Cindy exclaimed with a laugh. I was happy to be called out a sight by the sexy chick, but embarrassed to have been called out on my lame attempt at flirting. Julia was definitely hot and I would have loved to have boned her, but anyone could tell that she was old enough to be Cindy's mother. "Hey, Julia and I are just friends, ya know," I tried to protest. "It's cool, Jack. My old lady has been stealing the dudes from me since high school," Cindy said as she came over and offered her hand. I was pretty sure that Julia wouldn't have a prayer of stealing me if Cindy wanted me. "So what you looking for Jackie; something for the stomach, soul or head?" Julia asked as I ogled her daughter. "I'll start with one of those far out muffins, please. After that I was hoping you might have something special since it is my birthday." She handed me a muffin from inside the glass counter while looking like she was contemplating an important decision. "Well, since it is your birthday, Jackie, and it is a slow day, I think we should close up and have a little party. What do you think, Cindy, you wanna help Jackie celebrate?" "If we are going to party, this dude needs a bath. I like my hippie boys clean. You up for a bath and a little party this morning Jack?" Cindy replied. "Right on, where's the tub?" "Why don't you take him upstairs and show him the pad?" Julia suggested to Cindy. She led me up to the small apartment over the store where I presumed that Julia lived alone since I had never known her to have an old man around. The bathroom she led me to didn't have a tub, so it seemed the bath was going to be a shower. It didn't have a door either. She handed me a towel as she suggested, "Give me your clothes and I will toss them in my old lady's wash machine." Though I certainly wasn't shy about undressing in front of others, I didn't want to be too presumptuous either, so I hesitated to begin stripping while she was standing there. "You don't look like the shy type, Jack," She said and flashed me a slightly wicked looking grin. I wasn't even sure why I had hesitated. Since my second day in the Haight, I had been living in what would be best described as a small commune. The wearing of clothing was definitely an option and sleeping arrangements were catch as catch can. It wasn't at all odd to crash in a room right next to two people fucking their brains out. Nor was it odd to find chicks or guys in any room of the house partially or totally naked. I was very comfortable living in a place where total freedom was the norm. As I pulled my shirt over my head and dropped my pants, revealing all to Cindy, I still wasn't sure what her or her mother's intentions were for our little party. Summers of Love and Tragedy She just smiled and took my clothes and I took my shower. When I was done washing, I wrapped myself up as best I could with the small towel and stepped out of the bathroom. There was an old terry cloth robe lying on the bed that I hadn't seen before. I assumed it was there for me and that we would not be partying in the nude. I slipped the robe on and followed the sound of a Jefferson Airplane song down a dark hall. I found my hostesses in a very funky room that resembled what might happen if a Moroccan hashish den collided with an LSD factory. At the time I thought it was the coolest place I had ever seen. On the floor was a well worn oriental style rug that would be worth a small fortune today. The only furniture was a vast array of pillows strew about. The walls were painted in a myriad of bright, slightly garish colors. One of those walls was covered in posters advertising acts appearing at the Fillmore. Another was filled with crudely drawn artworks that I later discovered were done by various friends of Julia. A third wall displayed a collection of psychedelic posters bathed in black lights. The coolest thing about the room however were the two chicks lounging on the floor pillows sharing a hookah. The incense burning in the corner did little to mask the acrid smell of the wisps of marijuana smoke curling up toward the ceiling. "Far out room," I said as I joined them on the floor. "You were too slow, so we started the party without you, Jackie," Julia said as she handed me the slender hose connected to the water pipe. I inhaled deeply and held the strong smoke in as I enjoyed the immediate rush of my first toke of the morning. As I handed the hose to Cindy I noticed her eyes were directed toward my crotch. I realized that the way I was sitting left my cock almost entirely exposed. I apologized as I exhaled and started to adjust the robe. "Don't hide it on our account, I was enjoying the view," Julia said sounding like she was already very stoned. "View seems one sided," I said as I reached for the pipe to take another toke. "That is easily fixed," Julia informed me as she pulled her loose fitting tie-dyed top over her head. Suddenly, I was staring at a beautiful pair of forty-year-old tits. After passing the hose to Julia I not so accidentally let the robe fall wide open. I figured at that point that at least Julia's idea of partying matched mine. To my surprise it was Cindy that made the next move. "Look, ma, a new toy for us to play with," She said in a teasing tone as she slid over next me. As I was taking my next hit, she began to fondle my rapidly growing cock. "Mmmmmmmmm, that is a nice big toy," Julia said as she stood up and began to dance around the room. Cindy and I took turns taking hits off the hookah as Julia danced seductively to Grace Slick's haunting vocals. Cindy stroked my fully engorged cock as her mother took off her jeans and began dancing around naked. I was totally amazed at my good fortune when Julia announced it was her turn to play with the toy. She got on the floor and started crawling toward me catlike as Cindy got out of the way. The next thing I knew Julia was running her tongue up and down my cock while Cindy was doing a slow striptease and trying to match the rhythm of a Dylan song. I probably would have thought it was funny if not for the beautiful body that was being revealed to my very stoned eyes and the fact that my cock was being licked so enthusiastically. It wasn't long before Cindy was rubbing her delicious large tits in my face while her mother was sucking my cock. In another minute the younger of my two playmates whined, "Quit hogging the toy, I want a turn!" It wasn't my first group sex scene but it was the first time two chicks sparred over which one got to suck my dick. The biggest first though was that they were closely related. I was really tripping on the idea that I was going to get to ball a mother and daughter tandem; even better I was going to get to do it with them both in the same room. Julia didn't really put up a fight about relinquishing my cock to her daughter's equally talented mouth. She actually seemed quite giddy as she watched her daughter suck my cock while squatting over my face and feeding me her very hairy cunt. The trend of grooming pubic hair was still some years off in those days. One was more likely to find hippie chicks that went completely au natural as far body hair and eschewed shaving altogether. Julia didn't go quite that far. I was very glad that she shaved her legs and underarms considering the thickness of the dark hair surrounding her cunt. I later discovered that Cindy did not shave the soft blond hair off her legs. I had no reason to think a pussy should be anything other than hairy and had no issue spreading Julia's labia and diving right into that thick bush to devour her hot wet cunt. I am pretty sure the only reason I didn't lose control and cum in Cindy's mouth was that I was concentrating so much on eating Julia's pussy. My efforts were well rewarded when she twice flooded my face with thick, creamy, pussy juice. I had never seen so much wetness come from a woman's pussy before that day. It was years later before I heard the term squirter, but Julia was definitely my first squirter. After her second orgasm she claimed dibs on the first ride. "Cool, momma, I am ready to ride his face," Cindy said as she moved out of the way so that Julia could mount my throbbing cock. Cindy crawled up next to me as her mother slide her hot, wet cunt down my cock. "Far out, Jack, momma got you all wet," Cindy cooed and began licking Julia's juices from my face. I wondered briefly if the two of them ever exchanged juices directly. My little fantasy of mother-daughter incest was quickly shoved aside. With Cindy's wispy blond bush in my face and Julia bouncing up and down on my dick like a mad woman thinking was nearly impossible. It was all instinct at that point. I rubbed my face against my younger playmate's pussy and lifted my ass to meet the down thrusts of my older playmate's cunt. I managed to get my tongue into Cindy's cunt as my balls tightened and drew close to my body. I tried concentrating on licking Cindy's pussy to forestall my orgasm, but I was rapidly loosing the battle. Julia seemed to have complete independent control of her cunt muscles. Each time she plunged down on my cock it felt as if the walls of her pussy were massaging and sucking on my dick. I was gasping, moaning and panting into Cindy's crotch as I continued to do my best to keep up my efforts to pleasure her orally. Due to having Cindy's soft, furry thighs pressed to the side of my head, my companion's excited moans and purring was very muffled. I lost the battle of control when Julia dropped down on my cock and ground her body into mine. As my cock exploded in her pussy, my orgasm took control of my senses, sending waves of intense pleasure through my body. I was temporarily spent and no longer able to do much more than lay back, gasping for air and trying to regain my senses. I guess my companions realized that I was worthless to them for the time being. Cindy who had apparently cum several times moved her pussy off my face to allow me a chance to catch by breath. Julia, who I had no idea if she came or not while fucking me, cuddled up on my right as Cindy cuddled up on my left. They were caressing and kissing me as I lay there in a post orgasmic haze. My little fantasy of mother-daughter incest returned as I felt one set of lips on my right cheek and another nearby on my left. But that was as close as they ever got to each other in my presence. I was almost always in between them and any contact they had was purely incidental. Except for an occasional break to re-fire the hookah or feed a muffin to the munchies, the three of us remained in that room having sex until after noon the next day. That was when Cindy announced that she had to split. While Cindy was showering, Julia informed me that I was welcome to stay as long as I liked. Then she added sheepishly, that she would have to open her store again eventually. The next morning I went to the group house and cleared out what little I owned. Julia and I were unofficially shacked up. I can't say that either of us was exactly in love. But we really enjoyed each other's company and the sex was amazing. On top of that neither of us had any issue about who else we might be fucking. We frequently shared our bed with other chicks and dudes of all ages and descriptions. I assumed that she also fucked others when I wasn't there the same as I did. I even fucked Cindy a couple of times when she came to visit without Julia present. The group sex was the wildest, though. I learned that the possible combinations were limitless. Sometimes there would be an extra chick or guy, other times there would be multiple extra people. I lost my anal virginity when Julia invited three very randy guys to join us one night. I don't think Julia ever came harder then she did while being fucked while I was being fucked right next to her. Though I was never much into being fucked, I really began to get into cock sucking during the months we spent together. The best was when there would be one other guy with us and Julia and I would give him a two-person blow job. As much as I loved seeing her with another chick, I am pretty sure she got a bigger thrill watching me suck cock. The summer of love was more a summer of fucking for me. In addition, in what was a truly a surprise to me, I had a short-lived semi-regular thing with Jason, the blond dude who had been my first male fuck. About a month after moving in with Julia I was at an LSD party when he walked up to me. "Hey, man, where do I know you from?" He asked. I looked up but all I could see was a melting face framed by wildly flowing hair. He was easily as fucked up as I was and I started off trying to convince him he had me mistaken for some other dude. "Cool, man, sorry, I just got a groovy vibe from you which made me think maybe...." As his thought faded, his voice and word choice triggered a memory. "Oh fuck, I do know you. I fucked you one night," I declared proudly. "Far out, wanna have another go?" He asked. Next thing I knew he was sitting in my lap and we were making out. There were other people in the room, but at that point they were nothing more than body parts floating around with long colorful trails attached. At some point we stumbled out of there and went to his place. All I really remember about the sex was the hallucination of his cock changing color, size and even shape while I sucked him. The rest of that very long night of very happy tripping sex remains mostly a mystery. The next day wasn't lost to memory though. I learned his name and took him to meet Julia. The three of us spent our only night together that evening. After that I kept sex with him separate from sex with Julia. Looking back, I guess there were times when I wanted to just be with a guy and Jason made doing that very easy. Whenever I stopped by his place he was ready for whatever I wanted it seemed. Most of us who were there that summer where on a hallucinogenic fueled journey driven by the beat of psychedelic music that was at its essence a hedonistic orgy of shared bodies. This isn't to say that we didn't believe in peace and love and alternative antiestablishment living. But our reasons for those beliefs were as varied as humanity itself and our minds were so fogged with drugs that it is hard to say how much of our thoughts were our own. The innocence of youth mixed with drugs and freedom to produce an amazing, magical time. The magic was short lived for Julia and me. By the end of that fall San Francisco had become cold and Julia and I had done everything there was for us to do together. Our passion had been fueled by the experimentation and hope of the summer of love. The grey of the approaching winter foretold of changes to both our relationship and our world. The Haight had begun to deteriorate rapidly. Leave it to Beaver type families on vacation snapping pictures of hippies turned Golden Gate Park into an odd tourist attraction while badly addicted disillusioned young people lived on the streets. Julia and I clung to each other despite us knowing what we had was gone forever. We were desperate to get back the sunny days of optimism. Sadly, she slowly began to feel her age and I had a sudden dose of reality. As the youth of summer returned home to spread the hippie peace movement far and wide, the Haight itself was dying a little. It was a victim of publicity and our own excess. My relationship with Julia lasted past the New Year and into February. That was when I happened upon the small storefront offices of a community group that was promoting the undeclared candidacy of Robert Kennedy. Before that day, I didn't know much about Bobby except that he was the younger brother of the slain president John Kennedy. After spending two hours talking to a chick with long, straight dark hair and practically no tits, I was convinced that he would be the savior of the country. No longer was ending the war and fixing social ills about parading around with signs and demanding change. I had found a cause. Two weeks later I had a new girlfriend and place to live. Julia never said a thing when I told her I was moving out. We just fucked one last time. After Bobby formally declared his candidacy in March, my life was totally dedicated to helping him get elected and my growing love for Cassie, my little hippie chick, who was an age appropriate girl friend as the establishment types say. Though we still smoked a lot of pot, must other drugs were left behind. Except for an occasional quickie with a guy, so was sex with people other than Cassie. She knew I was bi and didn't have an issue with me occasionally exchanging blow jobs with one of my pals. Unlike Julia though, she had no interest in participating or as far as I know in bedding anyone of any gender other than me. As spring neared an end, it seemed that the summer of sixty-eight was going to be even better than the idealistic summer of love had been. Bobby being president seemed possible and I was totally in love with Cassie. She was perfect. Even though she wasn't as wild sexually as Julia, she was passionate and enthusiastic in bed and willing to try anything between us I asked. She even let me teach her some cock sucking techniques with me demonstrating on a banana. It would have made for a pretty funny picture. By May we were the poster children for hippie domestic bliss in our little dump of an apartment over that same storefront where we met. By that time we were working in Bobby's San Francisco headquarters downtown. Cassie and I were rewarded for our hard work with an invitation to join several others on a bus trip to LA to actually see Bobby speak and meet him in person. I met him the day he won the California primary. It was an amazing time. Everyone was ecstatic. The party went on until well past midnight, when he spoke to us at the Ambassador Hotel. Then our world came crashing down. After he disappeared out a side door, popping sounds could be heard coming from the kitchen. Soon word began to spread that the popping sounds were gun fire. Not long after that as an ambulance carried our hero to a hospital where he would die, we got the news that Bobby had been shot. Horror and despair filled the room. We all wanted to do something, anything, but there was nothing to do but wait. Many of us were still in the ball room when word came that Bobby was dead. The dream was over. Cassie and I headed back to San Francisco and tried to continue our life together. We didn't love each other any less, but our combined disillusionment was crushing. I turned back to heavy drug use and she came along for the ride. If you could smoke it or swallow it I took it. She went further. Two months after a small caliber bullet ended Bobby Kennedy's life I came home from a drugged out night fucking some nameless dude and found her with a needle in her arm. She wasn't breathing. She was DOA from a heroin overdose at our local hospital. It was August of 1968 and I was due to report for induction in the Army on September thirtieth. Cassie and I had talked about heading to Canada. But she was so into heavy drugs by then that I wasn't sure of her sincerity. If we didn't go, my plan was to follow Muhammad Ali's example and declare myself a conscientious objector. If that meant I would also have to follow him to prison, I was ready to accept that fate. In my mind that would have made me a political prisoner which seemed better than being labeled a draft dodging traitor. But Cassie's death was like a body blow. The thought of enduring prison without her support was overwhelmingly devastating. Going to Canada without her seemed even worse. The day after a group of our friends and I celebrated her life in Golden Gate park, I stuck my thumb out in an eastward direction. California no longer held my dreams. I was not sure I had any dreams left to hold. The summer of love seemed like ancient history. The promise of America was in shambles. First the cities burned when Dr. King was taken from the people. Then another Kennedy who so many thought would lead us back into the light was ripped from the earth. In between four innocent students had been killed by our government in Ohio. All of these things had helped to rip away my innocence and left me all but devoid of hope. Nothing I saw as I hitched around the country that August helped to restore my spirit. Most of those I met seemed to be as lost as I was. As the end of August approached and my induction loomed ever larger, I decided to return to my home town and seek the council of my parents. It had been a long time since I had asked their opinion of anything. Not since I was twelve had their thoughts mattered to me in a meaningful way. They didn't even know where I was that summer or what I had been about since leaving home. I had written a couple of times out of some sense that I had a duty to let them know I was alive. To me they were part of the establishment; the problem. I arrived on their doorstep as the city of Chicago was disintegrating around the Democratic National Convention. The horror that was 1968 seemed never ending as I stood there waiting for my mother to answer my knock. She greeted me with more warmth than I expected. In fact it was more warmth than I remembered ever feeling from her. My father was also effusive in expressing his joy over my homecoming. But it was their reaction to the information that I had been drafted that was most surprising. In the nearly fifteen months that I had been away, they had become staunchly opposed to the war. My father who had bravely fought in World War Two told me he was ashamed of our government for waging the current war and that he would not let me be inducted. A few days later my mother drove me to Canada. I lived in Canada for almost two years in a commune that reminded me of the ideals I had sought to embrace when I first moved to San Francisco. The group consisted of a handful of Canadians who had welcomed about fifty young men who were avoiding the draft as we liked to say. There were maybe another twenty-five Americans, mostly female, some children that had accompanied the young men. Sex was nearly as freely shared there as it was during the summer of 67 in the Haight, except very few of the young men were bi or gay. The women were almost all free spirited hippie chicks and even those that were married were open to occasionally bedding other guys. The big difference was other than casual marijuana smoking, drug use was almost nonexistent. This was a far more serious commune dedicated to solving social ills. For my part after a month or so I even gave up smoking pot while I was there. Summers of Love and Tragedy I didn't however; give up on free love or more accurately promiscuous sex. Romantically, I was still feeling pretty dead inside. It was like loosing Cassie had left a permanent hole in me. But that didn't stop me from fucking half the chicks that lived at the commune and many visitors my first couple of months there. Things changed a little when Dennis, a just turned 19 year old guy that looked to me like he could model for a statue of Apollo arrived. He had left his small hometown in the mid west two months ahead of his scheduled induction. He was terrified. We quickly became very close. One late night we were alone, talking about life. At some point he told me that he thought he was gay. As we discussed his feelings he explained that he was a virgin in every way. He had dated a little and gotten as far as making out with girls but always felt odd. As for boys he had only allowed himself thoughts about homosexual activity when masturbating. I was totally open with him about my sexual history. He was fascinated and I was more than a little attracted to him. Soon we were making out and I knew that I could have him with very little effort. I suppose that Canadian commune and the good people I was sharing my life with had already begun to change me, however. Months earlier I would have simply taken advantage of him and his virginity. But that night, I told him that I thought we should slow down and that he should take the time to be sure of what he wanted before we went further. Though it was only a few days later that he insisted he was ready and knew for sure he wanted me, my not taking advantage of him was a turning point in my life. As we slowly undressed each other that night I felt an excitement about sex that I hadn't felt since the first times I made love to Cassie. It was something I thought I would never feel again. He was the most gorgeous guy I had ever seen naked. He had a long thick beautiful cock surrounded by a thick soft blond bush. His body was nearly perfect, neither overly thin nor bulging with extra flesh in the wrong places. His muscles were taught and well defined from working on the family farm. Though his skin was pale, I could still see a hint of the farmer's tan that I assumed never fully faded. As we stood in that simple room, naked, wrapped in each others arms, making out with our erect cocks rubbing against each other's warm tingling flesh, the cocoon around my heart developed cracks. He was an enthusiastic lover who was a bit like clay in my hands. Like a great sculptor I slowly and carefully led him into love making. I began to kiss my way down his chest and over his taut belly as I fondled his warm cock for the first time. He moaned and cooed appreciatively as I stroked his dick and gently fondled his full balls while kissing his belly. I heard him gasp and knew that his breath had caught in his throat when I dropped to my knees and let my lips brush against his cock. I kissed up and down his shaft and all over his tightening ball sack. I licked and ran my lips up and down his quivering shaft and delighted in lapping up his free flowing precum. With each passing minute I was becoming ever more enamored of him. I had to resist the urge to quickly swallow his cock and vigorously suck him deep into my mouth. I could tell that he was on the edge and too much more stimulation would send him into climax. So instead of sucking him, I stood up and kissed him softly. "How do you feel, man?" I asked softly as I flicked my tongue around his ear. "Oh, god, it is so amazing. I am so glad I waited until I found you," He stammered breathlessly. Then he tried to mimic what I had done. He stroked my dick a bit too roughly as he kissed his way down my body. Happily, he took instructions well. I felt a bit odd to be tutoring him in lovemaking but he encouraged me to teach him with both his actions and words. Not only was he an eager, obedient student, he was also a quick learner. He happily licked my cock and balls as instructed and was using his lips perfectly to give me pleasure. "Damn, man, I never thought it would taste so sweet!" He exclaimed after ingesting his first drops of precum. I smiled and ran my fingers through his long, soft hair as I guided his lips to my cock head. "Tell me what to do. I want to make it good for you," He said as I pushed my cock towards his mouth. "Just open your mouth and slip your tongue out under my cock," I suggested. My cock slid along his tongue and into his mouth as I warned him to go slow. I used my hand to stop him from taking my dick too deep and gagging himself. He soon got the idea and was easily running his mouth up and down the top half of my cock without scraping his teeth against my sensitive shaft. I let him take control of the depth after making suggestions about breathing and relaxing his throat. He managed to get about three quarters of the way down my cock before gagging a little. It took a few of weeks of intense practice before he learned to deep throat me. But even with only the top half of my cock getting sucked I had an amazing orgasm and he made a valiant effort to catch and swallow every drop of my cum. After I came I took his hand and led him to the bed. I had him lay on his back and I knelt over him. Even though his cock was long and thick, I managed to get my lips all the way down his shaft and nestled my nose in his ball sack for a few moments anyway. I think it might have been the shortest blow job on record though. Within two or three minutes his cock gushed a river of thick semen into my mouth as he writhed on the bed moaning loudly. After milking every last drop from his deflating cock, I moved up and began to kiss him softly. We slept together that night with our bodies intertwined. Of course I didn't know it at the time, but that was the beginning of the first real and longest term relationship I would ever have with a guy. For a week we made love every night and I began to have feelings for him I had not thought it was possible to have for another guy. I had fully accepted bisexuality from the standpoint of sex and pleasure. I had not yet recognized emotional bisexuality. The sex was great and he quickly became a very accomplished lover. He seemed a natural bottom and when anal became a part of our scene it was strictly me on top. He never even suggested trying the other way around. I was very happy, but my new found emotional connection to someone with a cock had me confused. Even though within a month we were clearly a couple that did not mean I gave up occasionally fucking one of the chicks at commune. Dennis, who had told me that he was in love with me about three weeks after our first night together, never objected to my continued need for pussy. Even though he seemed to fully embrace the free love, open relationship lifestyle, I don't think he was ever with anyone else while we were a couple. He had no interest at all in sex with chicks. As for guys, there were a few others in and out of the group that were into guy on guy sex, but they didn't seem to interest him either. I didn't screw any other guys while I was him, but that wasn't really out some ethical commitment to Dennis. I think it was more likely because Dennis and I had sex so often there was barely time or energy to screw a chick so I had no time or need for other guys. At some point I accepted my feelings toward Dennis and began to tell him that I loved him. I never said that I was in love with him as he so often told me. Of course he was so obviously in love with me that I didn't need him to tell me. It wasn't until many years later looking back on that relationship that I even admitted to myself that I was in love with him. Those months were a really great time for me. Better even then the early months in San Francisco. But as with many great things the end I knew would eventually come from the moment I began the affair came all of a sudden one surprising day. The good thing was that the ending came from something other than tragedy. Though I was surprised by the timing, I always knew that sooner or later Dennis and I would no longer be a couple. I knew in my heart that I was not meant to spend a lifetime in a gay relationship. I also knew that Dennis was meant for that life and believed with all my heart that he deserved someone he could have that life with. He was the sweetest, most generous and loving person I have ever known. If a better guy for him than me had come along, I would have stepped aside even when we were in the middle of our very hot relationship. But that didn't happen. It was my life that changed in an instant. Unknown to me, my parents had been working feverishly to get my draft orders rescinded, which they had done with the help of some contacts dad had in the government less than a year after I went north. I knew nothing of the change because my parents knew that would have brought me back to the states. The problem with that in their eyes was that I would have been arrested, tried and quickly sent to federal prison for draft evasion. Although I was no longer technically eligible for the draft, I had still evaded a legal induction order. Even though my father had somehow gotten my classification changed to an undraftable status, the fact of my ignoring the previous order had not changed. It took a lot of money and a team of lawyers over the intervening year to convince a judge to vacate the original order. The day my parents showed up at the commune to take me home was my first notice of the life changing court decisions. Dennis understood my desire to leave him and return to our country. He understood that I was leaving the next morning with my parents who did not know of my relationship with the sweet, blond haired boy I introduced them to as my mother referred to him for the rest of their lives. I did at least manage to convince my parents to let me stay at the commune that night instead of at their hotel. So I had one last night with Dennis. We did not sleep that night. We alternated talking and making love until the sun came up. I didn't see him again until President Carter's amnesty program allowed him to return to the states. Dennis and his life partner came to visit my wife and me for a weekend. We didn't have a chance to talk about old times or the things we had said to each other in the letters we secretly exchanged for years. We still exchange emails and remain close even though distance separates us physically. My wife knows about Canada and even some about San Francisco. But she does not know about my relationship with Dennis. She knows that I experimented sexually in 67. But has no idea that I am still at heart a bisexual and up until a year before I met her, which was eight years after coming home from Canada, that I continued to have both male and female lovers. From her reaction to the little I reveled about my San Francisco male experimentation I know it is best to keep those memories to myself. I have been completely faithful to her since the first time we made love. I do not expect that to change. I never again had a deep emotional connection with a guy like I had with Dennis. He was in a way the closest thing I had to a pure soul mate in my life. I am still madly in love with my wife, but the loves of youth are always extra special. Cassie and Dennis as well as Julia in a smaller way will always own a piece of my heart. My wife knows all about Cassie and understands on those rare occasions she awakes to find me sobbing over a dream, that I will always feel that loss. She tells me that my early loves made me the man I am, which is the man she loves. She even accompanied me on a journey back in time to the both the Haight and the Canadian commune a few years ago. The commune is now a co-op farm run by the children of some of the people I knew when I lived there. The Haight is a mixture of what was and what has changed. I will leave it to others to say whether the changes are good or bad.