0 comments/ 11097 views/ 0 favorites Embracing Chaos Ch. 01 By: Bigdenverman Married and exasperated. "I don't know what went wrong," Gary said slowly. "We're boring." Samantha replied firmly. "We're disconnected. We don't even seem like lovers. We're roommates. Nothing more." Gary hesitated, aware that they were on the brink of divorce. He tried to choose his words carefully - perhaps too carefully, because Gary often let caution stand in the way of truth. He knew he was not a good conversationalist - words so often eluded him. Rather, he wanted to problem solve and take action, not analyze things to death. There was a solution to every problem, he felt, and he just wanted to find it and move on. Gary never thought of himself as sexually boring, and certainly neither did Samantha. Both had substantial experience with sex before marriage. Both had several lovers. When Gary and Samantha first met, there was energy and passion and fire. They were unafraid to talk honestly and take risks. Somehow, through a series of seemingly arbitrary life challenges, they had lost it and were finally discussing divorce. "Yeah," Gary answered weakly. "I don't understand it..." "We fell into roles. Wife. Husband." "Huh." "We simplified ourselves." "Yes." "We forgot who we really are." "Who are we?" "We are raw and sexual. We always have been." Gary nodded. For the first time in several weeks, he found himself getting hard. Both Gary and Samantha had done research into various alternate relationship lifestyles, open relationships in particular. Both were intrigued by the idea of preserving their relationship and making more opportunities available for each of them. On the surface, it smelled like then perfect compromise - marriage and freedom. The discussion itself was exciting. "You're turning me on, baby." "We love to tear down walls and let the animal in us run free. We can do better than this." "How?" "I don't know. We just do. We find a way," Samantha said, wiping a tear. "Yes. What have we got to lose?" "I remember when we first met," Samantha recalled. "We had great sex." Gary smiled. "I remember." "I wanted to be the best lover you ever had." "Yeah, same here," Gary recalled. Samantha ran her fingers through her hair and bit her lip, as if working out a puzzle in her mind. "Maybe it's competition that drives passion. Once the competition is over, people stagnate." "Maybe. All I knew was I wanted you. Bad." "You were amazing." "Maybe an open marriage might work for us." Samantha sighed. "I like the idea, too, Gary, but it also scares me a little. It sounds like a lot of responsibility. I'm not sure you respect that side of it." "What do you mean?" Gary asked impatiently. "I think you see the freedom, but you don't see that it takes a lot of communication and negotiation...this could go so totally wrong..." Gary remembered reading quite a bit of material regarding open marriages. He had to admit that he had been focusing on the sexual aspect and tended to skim the passages discussing communication and emotion. He felt slow when it came to emotional issues. He didn't see how sexual freedom could complicate their lives. It was just sex, after all. "Most people break up when they reach this point," Samantha explained rationally. "If we try an open marriage, it'll be much harder, because we want to be a stable couple at the same time. I can't even begin to imagine all of the issues it might bring up." - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Over one month prior, Gary had left the home that he and Samantha had purchased many years previously. He moved in with a goofy and somwwhat nerdy friend, Kent. Kent opened his home to Gary graciously enough, though it was clear to them both that this was to be a temporary living arrangement. Gary and Samantha's separation was designed to clear their minds and allow each of them independent time away to consider the next step. "It is not right that we are supposed to try to find something sexy that we don't find sexy," Gary had told his friend one night. "Married people are magically supposed to keep finding each other hot, but it just doesn't happen." "Thank you, Mr. Uplifting Marriage Guy." "It's true, though." "Man, you're depressing me," Kent said almost mockingly. "Where's my Zoloft?" "I don't know what to say. Everyone has this idea that we have to rekindle a spark, keep things interesting - well, that works for a while, but then it doesn't.. People need variety." "People also need some stability." "Can't we have both? A stable place and the freedom to meet new people?" "I dunno. Jealousy rips people to shreds. It isn't human nature to stand back as their partner fucks other people. This is the kind of thing that leads to body bags." "Some say we've been trained to feel that way. To see people as property. To feel happy only when our woman is exclusively ours. Maybe it's okay to not be jealous and just let go sometimes." "It's all theory, though. Theories have a way of blowing up in your face. Remember the theory that having Fonzie jump over a shark would boost ratings? I'm sure, in some boardroom somewhere, they thought that was a great theory. Two years later, and - Boom!- it's Joanie Loves Chachi. What you need is a reality check, pal." Gary laughed nervously, but slumped in his chair and considered. His friend was right. Eventually, theory would need to be put into practice. Somehow. Kent took a sip from his can of beer as a ceiling fan whirled above, spinning continually. - - - - - - - - - - - - "Open relationships can work well, but they need discussion and clear ground rules." Both Samantha and Gary nodded. Gary was playing absently with a small toy that their therapist, Mrs. Savage, had displayed on a small coffee table in front of them. Samantha leaned forward, brushed back her long blonde hair and looked casually upward as questions presented themselves in her mind that words couldn't quite capture. "What kind of ground rules?" Samantha asked by default, choosing to delay her own questions until she found the right language for them. "Well, some couples are okay with developing full relationships with other people, others want their involvement with others limited to sex. Some couples want be present and switch partners for a night, and others are okay with their spouses making dates alone with others. There are soft exchanges, in which couples switch partners only for foreplay and kissing, then return to their regular partner for intercourse. Really, the options are limitless and are confined only by what meets the needs of each couple." Gary perked up and joined the conversation at that point - partly because his curiosity had been piqued, and partly because he was genuinely aroused by the discussion, though he positioned himself in such a way that it wouldn't be obvious to anyone. He hoped. "What is the most common way of doing this?" Gary asked awkwardly. "Honestly?" the therapist began. "This will sound like a copout, but there isn't an answer to that. In my experience, when a couple decides to open their marriage, there are three distinct possibilities. Either they will break up, or they will end the open part of the relationship but stay together, or they will go through a period of time of adapting their relationship by altering the ground rules until they settle on something that works." "What tends to work the best?" Gary prodded. "Every couple needs to find the right balance," she said. "Actually, I'm concerned about both of you. Usually, we say that only strong relationships can sustain openness. You two don't seem like you have a particularly strong relationship right now. The chances of success are very low." Samantha understood. The comment deflated Gary slightly - it was obvious that Gary was excited by the prospect of an open marriage and would have preferred to begin soon rather than engage in more long discussions. He felt that he needed a resolution, one way or the other. "How does a couple handle the emotions involved?" Samantha finally asked vaguely, still not quite able to put her concerns into the right words. "I can imagine misunderstandings, jealousy, anger..." The therapist sighed. "The greatest myth of an open marriage is that it is selfish. It is not. It is a gift that you give with open minds and open hearts, and you give it fully expecting your partner to enjoy it. Their joy becomes your joy." As the session wound down - with many questions still lingering - the therapist had given them an important question to ponder: How will you react if and when your spouse finds someone who gives them great sex? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Despite all of the lingering issues, sex filled the atmosphere around them and they made hard, passionate love for the first time in many months. Samantha prodded Gary with the therapist's question throughout, enjoying the prospect (fantasy?) of a satisfying sex life and a husband who was more attentive. "Maybe my next lover will take me out, dance with me and take my body in ways you can only imagine," giggled Samantha. Gary peeled Samantha's clothes off and explored her body as if it were fresh and new. He imagined another lover who might do the same with her soon. The thought pushed him to new heights. Gary didn't reply verbally. Yet, Samantha felt in his kisses and in his touch that he had internalized her ideas. His hands caressed her more firmly. His kisses were both tender and confident. His erection was unusually strong and his thrusts were deep. Samantha was surprised and wondered if this was a good omen. Maybe they could manage an open marriage after all. Maybe it would turn them on and be fun. "Oh my God..." Samantha said as orgasms washed across her body. Gary didn't slow down. "Oh my God..." Gary finally filled her, coming in deep, loud gasps. He felt a surge of confidence once again. He hoped that Samantha would see that he could, indeed, handle whatever challenges they might face. He wanted an open marriage and wanted to prove that he would still be a good husband. Everything about it turned him on. Samantha rolled over and covered her face, breathing deeply, trying to gather her thoughts. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - "Fourteen years," Melissa said with a slight smile. Phil hugged her tight and added, "Married for nineteen." Melissa and Phil were an 'open' married couple that had been specifically requested, by the therapist, to talk to Samantha and Phil about their experiences. "Do you know many couples that have made an open marriage work?" Samantha asked. "Uh, no. Usually people get upset and they throw in the towel." "How did you two handle it?" Samantha followed up. "Love, honesty and acceptance," Melissa listed. Samantha winced a bit at the abstractness of the answer. She found it hard to bridge the gap between these platitudes and reality. "We share everything and we enjoy everything as a couple," Phil began as if he'd explained this a thousand times before. "When Melissa has a date, I know she'll tell me everything and it becomes a shared experience for us as a couple. One good night for Melissa can become a month of great sex for us." "Why have you succeeded and the others failed? "Good question," Phil began. "I think we're just very naturally calm people. We don't get upset by much. We don't feel a need to control anything." "What do people try to control?" "Everything. People set ground rules, talk things out, come to understandings, but I think it all boils down to the fact that life is sloppy and imperfect and none of it is personal. For example, let's say a couple tries a threeway. Okay, fine, you bring in a third and then let's say the female of the couple has many orgasms along the way. The male of the couple might get upset because she never came like that with just him. Then, the male might decide that the sex was too good for her and create new rules to make sure she doesn't experience that again. It's all nonsense. He should be happy and proud but instead gets jealous. It's so common." "What ground rules do you two have?" Gary interjected. "Openness and honesty, veto power and safe sex always," Phil replied as if reading from a mental list. "During those first couple years, those ground rules were very important but after awhile you begin to develop a feel for what works and what doesn't." "Okay, but, I'm afraid of hurting him," Samantha proceeded cautiously. "What if, for example, I am able to find more guys...and he has trouble finding girls?" Phil laughed out loud, which startled Samantha and made Gary instantly curious. "There is no doubt," Phil stated loudly, after taking a breath. "You can get many, many more partners than your husband will. That's just a reality." "Doesn't that bother you?" Samantha asked Phil. "That your wife can get sex more often than you?" "Naw. Her sexual experience is really our sexual experience. So long as we live a balanced life, it's all good." "When I have a date," Melissa smiled. "All I have to do is tell him what happened and whether I enjoyed it and...well, uh, let's just say we have fun. A lot of fun." "It's really that easy?" Gary pointed out, suddenly concerned that his wife might have a lot more fun than he will. "It was an adjustment at first. It takes time. Like I said, we found a balance that works for us." "How often do you see others?" "Now days, maybe a couple times a month for her and a couple times a year for me. It all depends on finding decent people. No hurry and no pressure. Just if the opportunity is there." Images of his wife screwing men left and right while he sat at home flipping channels on his remote control danced through his head. Samantha was a good-looking woman, no question about that. He was hit - finally - with a realization that maybe this might not be so easy. "That's the tough part," Melissa said. "Learning that when either of us enjoys sex, it enhances both of our lives. It's all just words until you can internalize it, though." Samantha bit her lower lip. Silence descended on the group for some time. She didn't know if her husband had the capability to view relationships in the same light as Phil and Melissa. Phil was emotionally strong, confident, seemingly able to handle uncomfortable situations with ease. In contrast, her husband seemed impulsive and emotional. Samantha felt she could enjoy such a lifestyle; she had enjoyed sex before, with a variety of men, in a friendly but meaningless way. Her doubts about her husband did not go away. "I'm not sure this is right for us, honey," Samantha said softly. "Why do you say that?" Gary was upset. "I dunno..." Samantha said, stuttering. "I think...I'm afraid... you'll get mad. It might hurt you." "Why, because you'll fuck a lot of guys?" Samantha didn't reply. She stared downward, rubbing her hands together, unsure what to say next. "I really want to try," Gary said. "I think I'll surprise you." "You could always try once, just to see," Phil interjected. "We know some people and could arrange a date for Samantha. Someone with experience. Who won't play mind games. Then you could judge for yourself whether this is right for you." "I could do that," Gary said. Samantha shrugged but nodded affirmatively. "Only if he's hot," Samantha added as an afterthought. Everyone laughed. "I'll introduce you and whatever happens after that...well, it's up to you." - - - - - - - - - - - - - "You, my friend, are a deer in the headlights," Kent told Gary. "First guy that Samantha screws, your head will fucking explode." Gary was listening more intently to his friend this time. "Nah. I'll be fine." "Listen," Kent said confidently. "It isn't human nature to share our wives like that. We're competitive. We don't want other men messing with our girls." "But imagine the great sex we could have if we weren't that way." "That's all porn and fantasies. Down here, in the real world, it won't work. Someone will end up being buried in a shallow grave somewhere." "We're going to try it, though. It's inevitable. If it doesn't work, we'll break up. Nothing to lose." "Jeez, why not just divorce? Nobody dies that way." "No," Gary said coldly and without further explanation. "I love Samantha." "Well, if you do this, I, of course, want to hear all of the gory details. Maybe some good stories will come of it. Maybe even some good video." "Wednesday night." "Wednesday night what?" "Samantha has a date Wednesday night. It's an experiment to see if we can handle this." "I'll pop the popcorn." "Uh huh." "Who's the guy?" "I guess his name is Crue," Gary shrugged. He had no explanation for the unusual name. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Two neighborhoods over, in the basement of a non-descript suburban house, a large plasma television displayed a baseball game while hard rock music blasted from two large stereo speakers standing in the corners. In the center of the basement was a powerhouse, a 6'4" muscle-bound machine pumping weights and dripping with sweat. On the wall, several military plaques hung honoring his time as a Navy Seal. He wiped his face with a towel and answered the phone. It was an old flame, Melissa, the one with an open marriage - an arrangement he never understood. Several years ago, he and Melissa met and had sex on a number of occasions - occasions which left Melissa exhausted and wanting more. Ultimately, Melissa ended their sexual liaisons for reasons unknown to him. He didn't bother to think too deeply about it. Melissa described Samantha to him - about 5'5", hourglass figure, blonde hair, smooth skin and cute smile. She explained how she and her husband were going to attempt an open relationship and wanted to be sure her first encounter was with someone experienced. "She sounds fucking hot," Crue told Melissa. "I want her." "You're such an animal," Melissa said. "I miss that." "Anytime, baby. I'm ready." "No, no. Would you meet Samantha? Maybe Wednesday night?" "Sure." "If you two hit it off, I think she's ready..." "I'll meet her. Let me know where." "Good. I'll be in touch. Thanks." "No, thank YOU," Crue said emphatically. Melissa chuckled. "Treat her well. She's a little shy." "I'll treat her so well it'll wreck her marriage completely," Crue responded seriously. "That might be more true than you know." Crue hung up the phone and turned on the shower. He had enjoyed a few experiences with openly married women through his friendship with Melissa - all of them satisfying in their own way. "It's all a lot of talk and theory and psycho-shit, sweetie," Crue announced to the empty room, as if he were sending a sub-conscious warning to Samantha. "Maybe we'll make it reality and we'll just see if you can handle having your world turned upside down." Crue couldn't wait. Embracing Chaos Ch. 02 "You are free to enjoy the evening without fear or guilt. I will love you just the same tomorrow. No matter what." Those were the words spoken by Gary to his wife, Samantha, late Wednesday afternoon. Samantha had spent the better part of an hour preparing for a blind date with the mysterious and oddly-named Crue. They were to meet at a local Mexican restaurant at six o'clock. Samantha had been fidgeting all day. She didn't enjoy balancing out her own desires for the evening with the weight of her husband's feelings. She didn't really know what she wanted out of this encounter, but she felt too many extraneous things weighing on her - what the "right" thing to do might be, what might hurt her husband or even herself and where the encounter would lead in the ensuing days and weeks. It was very confusing. Those words, memorized clumsily by her husband all day and spoken with sincerity as Samantha left for her date, calmed her down. Strangely, she felt a wave of love for her husband then - he understood and would not judge her. She was reminded of the couple they had talked to about open marriages. They made it work and they loved each other. Then again, most couples break up trying. This crazy 'experiment' might work or it might not, but no permanent damage would be done. She could focus now on the evening ahead and maybe even enjoy herself. Maybe. Gary was more unsure than he let on, but he wanted to set the right tone. He struggled for days trying to figure out the right thing to say to comfort Samantha. Gary had been, in many ways, the instigator of the open marriage concept and felt responsible for getting their first experience off properly. Gary, however, was also nervous. He was already jealous that - somehow - Samantha was to have sex outside the marriage first. Samantha hugged her husband tightly, kissed him on the cheek and turned to leave. "I love you," Samantha whispered one last time. Gary returned the sentiment. Samantha left for her date. The whole thing felt surreal. - - - - - - - - - "Can I ask why they call you Crue?" Samantha asked the question after an awkward handshake in the restaurant lobby. They were told that there might be a twenty minute wait for a table, a small surprise for a Wednesday night. They stood and waited together, trying to make small talk and avoid other people entering the restaurant. Hopefully, the food would be worth the wait. Crue looked down at Samantha - he was almost a foot taller - and smirked. "Not a fan of hard rock, are ya?" "Oh, Crue's a nickname for a musical group? What was that group again? Def Crue?" Samantha smiled knowingly. She had no idea if he would get the joke. "Motley Crue," he responded, showing off a tattoo on his right arm with the band's name. "Maybe the best band of all time. In my opinion." "I know. I was teasing." "Sassy. That's cool. I got the tattoo when I was nineteen. I got the nickname right after." "Are you still a fan?" "Oh yeah, but not obsessed like I was. I've thought of having it removed, but what the hell. It was an interesting part of my life." Crue had dressed well for the occasion - short sleeve white button-up shirt, red tie with a subtle pattern in the background and navy slacks. She noted that Crue didn't appear comfortable - he was a tall, strong man who carried himself with confidence, but didn't seem like the shirt and tie kind of guy. The short sleeves showed off his build. He was obviously a man who enjoyed working out. She wondered if she could wrap both of her hands around his bicep and then thought maybe she would get the chance to find out. She bit her lip and smiled. Samantha, on the other hand, wore a flowing blue summer dress. With her long blonde hair pulled back with clips and a flashy bracelet on her right wrist, she looked both innocent and feminine. A smooth layer of red lipstick completed the image. "You're a very beautiful woman," Crue stated matter-of-factly. "This whole thing must be very strange for you." "Thank you. Yeah. I admit...I'm nervous." "No pressure at all. Let's just have fun." Crue was self-assured, but not arrogant. His charm was part animal magnetism and part friendly companion. Crue's method for seducing women boiled down to three basic tenets. Show genuine interest. Make her feel attractive. Above all else, make her feel safe. He understood that Samantha's situation was inherently stressful; he went the extra mile to show that she could take a risk tonight without fear. Samantha thanked him for being understanding and the conversation continued. Samantha felt the urge to explain her marital situation, including details about their possible open marriage and how they had arrived at the date this evening, but Crue wasn't interested. "I want to hear about you," Crue said, redirecting the conversation. "Tell me about yourself." "Well, huh," she began quietly. "What do you want to know? I'm an elementary teacher, part time. I love reading. I love cats. I love hiking sometimes. I love travel." "Oh, that's too bad. I hate all of those things." Samantha laughed. Okay, this guy might be pretty cool, she thought. Samantha relaxed. Crue was a very good listener. This was not an act on Crue's part. Yes, he knew how to make a woman feel at ease, but he also was genuinely interested in Samantha. She was a shy little creature who needed an opportunity to open up. He enjoyed the feeling - and even the power - of providing her the opportunity to do so. Samantha knew she would spend the evening with him. If he wanted. It seemed that simple. No mind games. She became flirtatious, and they finally held hands from across the table. Crue invited Samantha back to his home. She said yes. Crue liked Samantha a lot - but he knew that his efforts this evening, all geared toward pleasing Samantha, might be problematic for her in the near future. He almost felt sorry for her husband. - - - - - - - - - - - "Turn the TV on or something," Gary requested of his friend, Kent, who had ordered a large supreme pizza from a local delivery chain. "I need the distraction. I hate the anticipation and shit." "Sure," Kent said. "Now, let's see, what exactly does a person watch while their wife is getting laid?" "We don't know if that'll happen tonight or not." "Uh huh. Here we go. Pro wrestling." Gary hated pro wrestling, but he nodded anyway. He didn't care. His mind was elsewhere. The TV was just a distraction. He wondered what was happening with his wife. He told himself over and over that she should have fun. He wondered if this is always how it was with open marriages - one person out having fun, the other sits wondering. No, probably not, he decided. They must get used to it over time. It would be no big deal after awhile. "You okay?" Kent asked. "Yeah. I think so." - - - - - - - - - - - "You've got an interesting home," Samantha told Crue. "It could use a woman's touch, though." Crue's home was a classic bachelor pad. Not messy per se, just not well planned out. A small refrigerator sat in the living room, along with a set of hand weights and a boom box. There was a large sofa against a window, but no television. A large military poster displaying a Black Hawk helicopter was the only true decoration. "It is what it is." On the sofa, Samantha and Crue sat close, talked and touched playfully. Her hand on his thigh. His hand brushing her hair slowly. She smiled up at him, big bright blue eyes signaling that it was okay for him to go further. He leaned in and kissed her. She melted into the kiss. So nice. "You're okay?" Crue whispered, looking directly into her eyes. He brushed her cheek with his thumb. "Oh yes," she answered softly. "I want this." "Are you sure?" "Yeah. Besides, this needs to happen. You're a great guy. Perfect to spend tonight with." It's been forever since I have felt excited like this, she considered adding, but didn't. This would have been an insult to her marriage. Yet, she remembered the many years of career building, yard work, financial planning, PTA meetings and chores. Those responsibilities were rewarding, but stripped her of any sexual identity. Tonight, a flame burned inside of her once again. Oh, how she missed this. Crue kissed Samantha with more urgency, lips and tongues dancing together. His strong hands began to explore, but he did so with great tenderness. He massaged her as their kisses continued. Samantha felt very girlish, very weak in comparison, but Crue was masterful in his touch. He knew how to be both powerful and gentle. Both confident and warm. He would take care of her and make sure she was okay. His hand cupped her breast. She sighed and was hit by a wave of guilt. His hands felt good and she wanted more, but she belonged to another man...I have a husband...this feels wrong...so wrong... And yet I want to give myself to this man. Totally. "No fear or guilt," Gary had told her earlier. Yes. She remembered. She had permission to let go. To enjoy this man. The thought intoxicated her and she reached to feel the thick bulge growing in his slacks. She found it right away - not difficult when the erection underneath was substantial. She rubbed her fingers along his cock as he pulled one strap of her sundress down around her shoulders. Her right breast was exposed. Crue licked her nipple and pulled it inside of his mouth. Samantha ran her hand through his hair. My God, this is so good, she thought. She was aroused by just how childishly curious her lover was. Her body was new to him. Unexplored territory. Crue stripped Samantha down piece by piece and studied everything about her - how her belly curved, the hardness of her nipples, the way her long blonde hair spilled across her shoulders. Samantha wanted to be taken. She wanted to be opened up. He fingered her slit open and softly flicked his tongue across her opening. Samantha's legs trembled and she jerked momentarily. She stopped herself from stopping him, and instead she spread herself wider and allowed herself to be consumed. Crue was hungry for her. His tongue moved easily around her wet lips, alternating between the juicy hole and the more sensitive spots. Samantha kept herself open for him and covered her face to hold back the waves of pleasure. What would her husband say if he was here, watching her being eaten like this? Her cold, logical side was completely at bay and she found herself thinking - and hoping beyond hope - that he would be happy for her and turned on. Wouldn't that be amazing? Wouldn't that be wonderful? Crue was hard and ready. He removed his slacks and his boxers and positioned himself to enter Samantha, but Samantha wasn't ready. She stopped him, leaned forward on the sofa, and held his erection firmly at the base. She discovered that her hand just barely reached around completely. This is a thick, powerful cock, she noted. She looked at her lover's cock. I want this inside me. Her lover. That's what she was thinking. The words tantalized her. Was this really her lover? For tonight, yes, this man was her lover. She sucked on her lover's erection, allowing her tongue to study the shape of his head and taste the sweet drop of liquid that had formed at the tip. She could not take all of him into her mouth, so she adapted by running her tongue up and down the sides and finally along the sensitive area underneath. He moaned deeply, told her how good it felt. She loved preparing her lover's cock. Inside, she beamed. My lover. Wow. But I am a married woman. I am married to Gary. I love Gary. The thoughts surfaced at the most inopportune times. "No fear or guilt." Yes. No guilt. I have my husband's permission to suck on my lover's cock. I can't believe it. "I will love you just the same tomorrow." Yes. I will suck on my lover's cock. I will fuck him. I will enjoy it and my husband will love me just the same. Samantha was walking on air. She spread her legs wide and directed Crue's thick cock inside of her. Her entire body tingled. Once deep inside, Crue took over completely, fondling her breasts and running his fingers through her hair as he worked back and forth. His cock felt good inside her. She laid her hands upon his chest - his strong, toned chest - and allowed herself to be fucked by her new lover. She was spread so wide. It felt so good. Her new lover. It was okay for her to have a new lover. No, not just okay - it was anticipated. "Enjoy the evening." Her husbands words. Her legs spread, her new lover thrusting ever deeper inside. She looked at her Crue warmly. She wanted him. He wanted her. She loved the feel of his cock in her mouth and deep inside her. She loved his huge hands on her body. She loved how he enjoyed her. But the part that sent Samantha over the edge, beyond reason to the edge of insanity, was her husbands words. Over and over again, they entered her head. "You are free to enjoy the evening," he had said. "Oh fuck yes," Samantha said aloud as Crue slid easily inside her. Crue had grabbed Samantha's hair now, held her back to the couch and was thrusting madly. He was ready. So was Samantha. Her husband's words encouraged and pushed her. Relieved of the burden of guilt, she melted into the experience. So close to an orgasm. So close. "Ohhhhhh...yesssss...." This is intense, she said to herself. Powerful. Amazing. "Withour fear or guilt," her husband had said. "Yessssssss...." "I will love you just the same tomorrow." My lover is fucking me, she thought and my husband will still love me. No matter how deep my lover fucks me, no matter how strong or handsome he is, no matter how powerful the orgasms, no matter how good this feels, my husband will love me. "No matter what." With those words, she came. She couldn't hold back any longer. The slow buildup had become a deep tingle in her that needed to be satisfied. Her body arched forward, she grabbed her lover's chest, scratched him, tried to push him deeper inside. "Oh....ohhhh....fuck....fill me....that's it....fuck me....fill me....I want your come deep in me...." Samantha almost never talked during sex. She found it distracting, but she was reacting so strongly she needed an outlet, something, anything, to release what she was feeling. Crue had not yet come and did not stop. Sweaty and tired, she eased back into the couch and Crue kept up his frenetic back and forth motions inside of her. She looked down, saw his moist cock split her lips wide and enter her repeatedly, and finally she closed her eyes and locked hands with Crue. He continued unabated. To her surprise, she had another orgasm. It came from nowhere and was not expected but felt so good. She thought she was probably a sloppy wet mess down below now. My lover doesn't care. Samantha enjoyed a third deep orgasm as Crue finally exploded in a final series of thrusts. Yes, my lover, fill me, she thought. Fill me with your come. She heard him moan deeply and felt his liquid pouring out. "Fuck yes, baby," Crue said as he came. "You're...so...fucking...hot." She felt her lover's fluid leak down her legs and butt. Crue eventually collapsed on top of Samantha, his erection still many inches deep inside. "You're husband is a very lucky man," Crue said. "Yes, he is," she giggled. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Gary had left his friend and went for a walk. Kent had asked one last time if he was okay. Gary reassured him once again and left. Gary wasn't upset or nervous. In fact, Gary didn't seem to feel much at all. He wandered the neighborhood, cursing himself for being so distracted. The evening should not have become this huge production that required so much discussion and build up, but that was the result. All of those meetings with the therapist and that so-called experienced couple had created an awful lot of drama in his mind. Was all of that really necessary? This really wasn't so hard, he thought. What if she enjoys it, he asked himself. I mean, what if she REALLY enjoys it? "You, my friend, are a deer in the headlights," Kent had said awhile back. Kent was a good friend. Yes, a bit silly at times, but he meant well. His friend was wrong. An open marriage can work. If he was the deer, he didn't see the truck approaching. Gary had wandered his way to a local convenience store and realized that he was sweating and thirsty. The summer nights were both hot and humid, and the walk had taken its toll. He went inside, filled a cup with ice and pop, which he presented to the cashier. An older woman, hunched over somewhat as she fumbled in her purse for change, was in front of him. There were no other employees in sight. Gary patiently awaited his turn. As Gary set his soda down on the counter, the older woman glanced over at his hand. She looked weakly up at him. A thoughtful look crossed her face, which became sad after several seconds. With effort, she looked up at Gary. "Was she a...good woman?" Gary looked down at his hand and consciously rubbed the light colored skin on his ring finger. He had removed the gold wedding band weeks ago when they originally separated. He tried to remember where he put it. "She and I are still together," Gary mumbled. "At least, I hope so." "Love is precious," she said firmly as she counted out the change. "Never let go." Gary recalled his first dates with Samantha. They were much younger then. More energetic. More passionate. Samantha was beautiful to him in a very down-to-earth way - unlike many women who seemed to need expensive dresses and overdone hair to feel good, she was every bit as beautiful in jeans and t-shirts. She had a warmth to her that melted Gary and reminded him to enjoy every moment. She was the first woman who could get him to have fun simply doing nothing. When he was nervous or upset, all he needed was her touch to calm down. At some point in there, he knew that she was the woman he would marry. He knew it as much as he knew anything. "I won't," Gary said to the old woman. "I promise." - - - - - - - - - - - - Two days after her encounter with Crue, Samantha invited Gary back to their house to discuss what had happened. Samantha planned to turn the occasion into a sexy evening between the two of them. She dressed in her husbands favorite lingerie - black thigh-high stockings, black mesh panties and nothing else. Samantha had smooth white skin - her husband was always fascinated by the contrast. He couldn't stop himself from touching her. I still look damn good, she thought. "It's open," Samantha yelled when the doorbell rang. "Come in!" Gary creaked the door open slowly, unsure what to expect. A series of arrows made crudely from masking tape lay across the floor and led Gary to the bedroom they shared for many years. He cautiously approached and cracked open the door. "I've been a bad girl," Samantha uttered playfully. She was sprawled across the bed, legs somewhat apart, arms over her head in a classic submissive posture. She had painted her fingernails red and had done something with her eyes, something with makeup, that made them leap out. "My God, you're beautiful." Gary ran his hands over her body, especially over the patches of exposes flesh above her stockings. So smooth and soft. Perfect. "We had sex." Gary exhaled loudly and kissed Samantha's thighs. He urgently needed to make love to his wife. Take her back. Prove who her real lover was. He developed a thick, raging erection. "He fucked me," she said clearly, enjoying his response. She felt so dirty, so decadent, to have two men who hungered for her. She basked in the attention her husband was giving her, which was far more aggressive than anything she could recall from Gary. Maybe her husband would develop into the lover she always imagined. Embracing Chaos Ch. 02 Gary explored her body, but quickly his instincts took over and he snapped the panties from her body and threw them aside. He had to have her. Now. "You fucked him?" Gary asked as he spread Samantha's lips. "Oh yes." "Did you enjoy it?" "Yes. Very much." Gary leaned over his wife, held her wrists down, and demanded that she tell him everything. Samantha knew this would be a night of rough sex and wanted her husband to reclaim his territory. She would submit to his need and allow him to reaffirm his position as her husband and lover. She felt needed and loved. "Anything you say. I am yours," As Gary proceeded to make love with his wife, he wondered if maybe, just maybe, he could hear that truck around the bend, coming his way. - - - - - - - - - - - - - Across the street from Samantha and Gary, an older retired woman peered from the window of her home. Anger was etched across her face in an almost permanent pattern. Neighbors often wondered why she was so upset and vindictive all of the time. Nobody knew. She was somebody to avoid. Her husband was watching television behind her. "I think that damn woman across the street is having an affair," she said conspiratorially. "I think she should be confronted." "I think you should stay out of it," her husband sighed. "Oh, no. If that woman is making a mockery of her marriage, she needs to be stopped. It isn't right, what she's doing. It's an affront against..." Her husband sighed as she babbled angrily. There was nothing he could do. He hoped she was wrong. Embracing Chaos Ch. 03 I can't stop these thoughts, Gary realized. They are like parasites eating into my brain. At first, Gary was simply turned on by his wife's extramarital sex with Crue. Passion grew once again between the married couple, more intense than ever. Gary loved the sexy, borderline slutty side of his wife. There was a purity there that had been missing for so long. We are sexual things, he thought. Sometimes, we need a good solid fuck. It's hardwired into us. It's natural. Slowly, darker thoughts crept in. Samantha is my wife and she is sleeping with other men...am I not the best man for her? Who the fuck is this guy? Does Samantha fantasize about him every night instead of me? The good, erotic thoughts were being pushed aside. Jealousy had wormed it's way in. Then there were the three orgasms. Three. Samantha had never had three orgasms with Gary. Never. What was Samantha like after three orgasms in a row? Did she scream? Did she sweat? Was she exhausted? Was she satisfied in a way that she had never been satisfied before? There was only one man in the world who knew the answer to that, and it wasn't Gary. Wow. I saw this coming, but I didn't see this coming. At work, he couldn't concentrate for too long on anything. He sat at his desk, staring down for long periods of time in a hypnotic trance. Other employees began to notice. Some asked if he was feeling sick. He was falling behind. Folders stacked on his desk began to gather dust. If he couldn't get his act together, the senior managers might come down hard on him. Fuck. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Fuck, Samantha thought. Samantha walked through the shopping mall in something of a daze. Nothing felt real anymore. Her relationship with her husband had improved since the one-night stand with Crue. Improved. Gary was more attentive and stronger. More sensitive. A better lover. A better friend. They no longer discussed divorce or communication issues or disappointment or boredom. Samantha wandered into a lingerie store and began poking around a section dedicated to frilly baby doll outfits. She found one in dark purple and pulled it from the rack. The material felt silky and she guessed it would feel great on her. She held it to her body and smiled, wondering if she might buy this for her husband or perhaps some new, presently unknown lover who would enter her life soon. This is crazy, she almost said aloud. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - As the days elapsed since the date with Crue, calm descended. The concept of an open sexual free-for-all had dissipated as further sexual adventures eluded them. Gary was able to focus on his work at long last and cleared a stockpile of backlogged work from his desk. At home (he still was living with his friend Kent for now, a situation that was appearing more temporary as time went by), he began reading a novel. Lonesome Dove. The book had been recommended to him by many people, and now he found the time. Somewhere along the way, the frustration of his divorce and the stress of dealing with his open marriage had pulled him away from every hobby he had ever had. His interest in life was returning once more. Samantha and Gary had chosen not to have a second sexual adventure with Crue, though he was available and both agreed that he might very well be an acceptable partner down the road. Yet, both would soon discover why Crue had come recommended to them. Their ad (placed on a prominent internet web site), announcing them to the world as married and looking for respectable people to play with, both individually and as a couple, had generated a fair amount of replies. Many of these replies were of no value and were immediately rejected. "Oh my God," Samantha laughed, covering her mouth. "Come here. Look at this." Samantha had opened a reply from a local man who attached a picture of his cock - a large, somewhat limpy erection that had been photographed poorly and appeared a pale yellow color. "I think he has jaundice," laughed Samantha. The sender had snapped his own picture in front of a mirror in his bedroom. The room behind looked disorganized. Samantha thought she could see a smashed can of beer on the dresser behind him. "I do...NOT...want to see a picture of your cock, thank you," Samantha sputtered as she deleted the email. "Gross." "Not a turn on, huh?" Gary asked. "Uh, are you kidding? Yuck." "Anything worth responding to?" "Nothing." "I didn't think it would so be hard to find people." "Maybe that's because, my love, we are pickier than everyone else." Gary thought that might be true. After all, he could wander in to any bar on a Saturday night and pick up a woman to spend the night with, but that idea held no appeal to him. Since when had meaningless sex meant so little to him? Did the quality of the person outweigh the need for sex? Apparently so. "Yeah, we need people we can trust." - - - - - - - - - - - - Then one day, the floodgates opened. She read an ad on the same website from a man in his late 30's who wanted a "friends with benefits" situation. He was a local doctor, recently divorced and looking for someone to have "fun" with from time to time. His unusual writing style and goofy sense of humor caught her attention: 'Aside from an unhealthy fixation on model trains and baseball, I am pretty much your average guy. Well, also I enjoy farmer's markets. And science fiction. Okay, apart from those things, I am pretty much your run-of-the-mill average guy. Oh, and I like comic books and Guns N' Roses. And Sumo Wrestling. Besides all that...oh, who am I kidding? I'm a total freak. Just delete this ad now. Move on. There is nothing to see here." The ad continued, describing himself as healthy but also morbidly obese and addicted to crystal meth. The more times Samantha read the ad, the funnier she thought it was. Was this guy serious? Was he looking for someone or was he making fun of the ads themselves? She was curious. She typed out a one sentence response. 'Maybe a total freak is someone I'd enjoy hanging out with.' Samantha clicked the enter button and laughed. Later that same day, Samantha had driven to a local hardware store to pick up some plumbing supplies. She found that her toilet had been leaking water slowly. She found the periodic noise - of the tank refilling - annoying. She had had created a temporary fix by placing a small brick into the bowl over the rubber seal, which applied enough pressure to prevent water from leaking through. She drove to the hardware store, parked, and saw Crue waving to her from an adjacent parking spot. "How have you been?" Crue asked after Samantha shut the car door. "Pretty good," Samantha answered with a smile. "Just headed to the hardware store. You?" "Not bad. Anything I can help with? I'm pretty good with..." "Your tool?" Samantha replied flirtatiously. Samantha both laughed and couldn't believe her ears - did she say that? Really? "Well, yeah, there's that," Crue responded. "But, honestly, I am pretty good with plumbing." Several competing thoughts went through Samantha's head. First of all, she thought she could do the plumbing work herself. Secondly, she thought that maybe she would mess up the plumbing job and potentially do a lot of water damage to her floor and the basement ceiling below. Thirdly, she thought he was hot and wanted to spend more time with him. "I could use the help. My husband is at work today and he'll be too tired tonight to do it." Crue smiled. Samantha wondered if it would be okay to have sex with Crue. Did she need to let her husband know in advance? She didn't know. This particular scenario had not come up yet. Less than twenty minutes later, Samantha was on her knees, rubbing her tongue up and down the length of Crue's shaft. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - "There is that man again," the old woman from across the street whispered as she peeked through her horizontal blinds. "I think that woman is having an affair." "Not your business," her husband replied. "Nothing good can come from sticking your nose where it doesn't belong." "But it's wrong," she spat back. "So wrong. She's going straight to hell. Nobody gets away with things like this. Not on this earth." Her husband sighed. There was nothing he could do. His wife was a bitter train wreck of a person. Rational discussion was lost on her. She will do what she will do and say what she will say. He only hoped she didn't get them involved. He didn't condone extramarital affairs, but he was tired and didn't want any of their drama consuming his life. "Let it go," was all he managed to say. The old woman could not let it go. The wheels of her mind were spinning. Something must be done. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - This is incredible, she thought, as his thick fingers opened her pussy lips wide and penetrated deep. I went from being a housewife shopping for plumbing supplies to fucking my new lover in just an hour. She loved how his fingers opened her, felt her tender hard clit, then went deeper inside. She found herself opening her legs wider, writhing on his hand. She felt dirty and decadent. "I have my husband's permission to be this way," she reminded herself. She loved that thought - that her husband was with her the entire time, supporting her as she played sexually. It was a huge relief. She wished he was here, watching him penetrate her... Samantha spread her legs a bit wider, and Crue accepted the invitation. His fingers played both inside of her pussy and outside, massaging all of the pink folds of flesh he could find. Samantha relaxed, closed her eyes, and came for the first time as his fingers slid up and down across her slit. "Yessss..." Crue allowed her to climax, then slid himself deep inside. Samantha closed her eyes and allowed Crue to lead. His powerful thrusting felt so good to her at that moment, almost perfect, as if their bodies were in sync. "That's my girl," she imagined her husband whispering to her. "Oh god yes," she answered back audibly. She came again. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - That night. "You fucked Crue again?" Gary asked, not quite able to omit a feeling of exasparation. Gary knew that it was important for him not to react with his gut instinct, but this was difficult. His wife, cute and sexy, was able to have good sex regularly without him, and somehow it stung. "Yeah...." "Wow. Was it good?" "Oh, yeah," she smiled. Gary took a deep breath. He was instantly erect once again. My God, how my wife turns me on, he thought. Yet, he was also frustrated. He felt left out. Upset. "I didn't know you'd be such a slut." His words stopped Samantha cold. Her soft smile disappeared. Her fists clenched and her face turned red. Gary knew he had screwed up the moment he said the words - but it was too late to take them back. Samantha was angry, but tried to compose herself. "You bastard." Samantha took a deep breath. Gary was dead silent. He knew he had been unfair to his wife, and he deserved to hear her out, no matter what she might say. "It was fun. It was sexy. Erotic. I felt free...you were with me the whole time..." Samantha was crying now. "You gave me permission to do this. To take this risk." Gary wrapped his arms around her. She didn't resist. "I enjoyed it, but ONLY because you were there. With me. Supporting me. Yes, I enjoyed it, but only because your voice was in my head, telling me it was okay to enjoy it." "Is that really true?" Gary said skeptically. Samantha pulled back. "Yes, it is true, you total prick! I need you. Every day, I need you. Do you think I would do this if I didn't think you enjoyed it, too?" Gary felt stupid, but he also felt reaffirmed - he understood intellectually that maybe Samantha's pleasure was a direct result of her freedom to express herself rather than the sexual prowess of her partner. If it was his support and permission that gave Samantha the opportunity to obtain such pleasure, then that might make him feel strong and powerful once again. In control. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. I was confused. I began to feel like I didn't matter...I'm sorry." Samantha and Gary held each other silently for endless moments. Samantha was hurt, but relaxed into his arms. They began to sway, the only music in the background being the wind rustling the leaves on their cottonwood tree outside the bedroom window. "If we do this again, I want you there with me, to watch," Samantha said. "You'll see what happens and whether you want this to continue..." Gary nodded. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - After the initial kiss between his wife and her lover, Gary calmed down. He reflected on how overblown and mysterious sex can be, but how simple the act was when viewed live and in person. He also reflected on the culture at large, and how frightening sexual imagery was thought to be. After all, extramarital affairs are commonplace, and part of the power of such an affair is simply the unknown. People who have been cheated on imagine all kinds of exaggerated things, each one a personal blow to their self-esteem. Yet, here, sex seemed so simple. It was an act of admiration and attraction, but that's all - her pleasure was natural. Sex felt good. How could he have been surprised that she would enjoy this? Not quite lost on Gary was that his jealousy seemed to build slowly and may come later. He remembered feeling as if parasites were gnawing at his brain. Will I feel this way again in a few days? Crue was kissing Samantha, his hands on either side of her pretty face, holding her gingerly. Her body was pinned between him and the wall. Crue had an impressive physique, and Gary focused on his wife's hand on his chest - dainty, soft little hands on his muscular body. Sexy, he thought. Crue moved down, kissed her neck and cupped her breasts. His wife had closed her eyes, just as she does with him. Gary calmed down and found himself getting aroused. This surprised him. He thought that he would be watching, and imagined himself nervous and upset the entire time. Jealous. "There's nothing to be jealous of here," Gary told himself. "My wife is beautiful and doing what comes naturally." Crue removed her top, set it aside and sucked slowly on her right nipple. Samantha sighed and grabbed Crue's hair. She was holding him in place and didn't want him to stop. Gary began rubbing his crotch through his jeans. Crue removed his wife's panties and began licking her. Samantha looked at Gary frequently for the approval she needed, even as she planted her right foot on Crue's shoulder to allow him more access. Gary was horny now. He was proud of his sexy wife and nodded his approval. Samantha smiled back, closed her eyes began moaning even louder. Crue's tongue was lapping her clit. Her legs began shaking. As they switched positions, Gary considered whether he should masturbate. He had given no thought to this ahead of time, but he was shocked at how firm his erection was. He knew he couldn't deny himself too much longer. This was too good. Too fucking good. I need to come, too, he thought. When Samantha pulled Crue's thick erection into her mouth, that was too much for Gary and he unzipped his jeans and pulled himself out. Samantha noticed right away. If Crue noticed, he didn't care. Gary started stroking, which in turn energized his wife to lick his shaft more passionately. She loved it - she could do no wrong here. Finally, Samantha stretched out on the bed, spreading herself at an angle that gave her husband a chance to watch everything. Her pussy lips were already parted. Was that fluid dripping down her slit? Was she that turned on? Oh fuck. Crue proudly grasped his erection and rubbed the tip around her pussy. Gary was mesmerized. She wanted this. To be fucked. Crue slid his erection deep inside her and began thrusting. Once his cock was inside, Gary could not see the actual act anymore, and he focused his attention on his wife - how her soft legs were spread for her lover, how her painted toes pointed, how her lips were parted and how her breasts softly swayed under him. She loved it. So fucking hot, Gary thought. Crue fucked like an animal and came hard many minutes later. Samantha followed soon after. His wife's orgasm was a pleasure to watch. Feminine, sensual, calm. Beautiful. Gary came hard in his own hand when his wife came. Intense waves surged through him. Incredible. It was as if he and his wife were connected through the shared experience - one of the most intense of his life. Crue didn't matter so much. He was their tool. Samantha was smart to have him watch this round. For the first time, he knew that he and his wife loved each other and could make this work. No doubt at all. The event shed light on something potentially ominous, dark and mysterious. What he found was only joy. That, and the thick milky fluid spilling from his wife's slit. Gary looked down at his hand - he was left with a mess of his own to clean up. He excused himself and headed to the restroom. Samantha smiled. Crue was oblivious. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Later that evening. "Oh no." Gary had opened a letter. One sentence, from an anonymous person, was written in red marker on a small index card. No return address was indicated. The card said simply: Your wife is having an affair. "Shit." To be continued...