3 comments/ 21274 views/ 2 favorites Degrees of Separation By: AlwaysDancing I was sitting in the hotel lobby. The couch was comfy enough, even if it was a little close to the waffle bar. I guess that's what I get for going cheap. The hotel rooms were nice enough, with prompt maid service. The pool area was great. The itinerary said there was a hot tub, though I hadn't seen it. I was particularly fond of the conference room. Only a few moments ago, I had hung up the phone on my client; happily for a change. He was finally starting to listen. Perhaps I was communicating better. I didn't know. I didn't care. I just typed a few things into my laptop, preparing for our meeting later that day. Absently, I reached for my paper coffee cup and frowned when it was empty. The coffee was good. For hotel coffee, it was beyond good. Walking to the coffee bar, which shared a common space with the waffle bar, I took the opportunity to stretch. When I stretch, I take up some space. I twist a little. I look around. And I saw a familiar couple standing at the reception desk with a collection of suitcases. Dani and Scott were checking out of the hotel. Neither was looking at me. I didn't expect Scott to pay me any mind, but I felt a twinge of absurd disappointment that Dani didn't glance my way. It was silly and insecure of me to expect she would. Did I truly think she would stop by and say, "By the way, you were the best voyeur I've ever had."? They shared a laugh, a kiss and cuddle only lovers do. Scott gathered up the luggage and walked out the front door while Dani turned and walked my way. Wait. What? I felt my face heat up and my brain shrink inside of my skull. I leaned against the coffee bar trying to play cool, but I was an inexplicable tower of nerves. She skillfully ignored me while I was a social klutz of pretending to ignore her. Stupidly I stood there drinking my hotel coffee. She poured her own cup, and turned to me casually while stirring her brew. "Not going to say 'hello' to a girl?" "Hello," I said stupidly. "Yesterday was ... interesting." "Yeah," I chuckled, finally relaxing. "What was that?" "I would think that was obvious. I'm Danielle. You can call me Dani, as you prefer." "I think that you prefer Dani," I observed with a grin. She kept on stirring that coffee. I was fixated on the straw going round and round obsessively in the paper cup and when I looked back up to her face, she was giving me the raised eyebrow of expectation. I was missing something. She rolled her green eyes. "Me. Dani." "Oh," I was such an idiot. "My name is Scott," I said with a grin. She raised an eyebrow, sniffing the lie. "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah." "Well, Scott," she said with a great deal of emphasis on my pseudonym. "The real Scott and I are checking out today. He's hitting the train home and I'm ... well I'm not ready to go home, yet. Dinner tonight?" I was silent a half a second. Silence with my cool blue eyes was my favorite stalling trick while my head screamed at me on five different levels. Finally I gave up being Mr. Suave and just spit it out. "I'm here on business. I ... I have a wife." God, what was with the high school awkwardness? Dani chuckled. "Yeah. I'm here with somebody else, too. But I still eat." "Okay," I smiled. "It looks like we're on the same page. I would love to have your company for dinner." "Perfect. I'll meet you here at six?" "Six is great." "Six," she confirmed and tossed her full cup of coffee into the trash and sauntered off. She looked back at me quickly, catching me once again admiring her ass. "Staying another night," I asked as we sat down to dinner at the place across from the hotel. "At the hotel? No. I'm all checked out. I don't live ... that far from here. I'll just drive home after. Like I said, I just wasn't ready to go home, yet." This led me to believe that she too was married, and not to Scott. At the same time, the way she covered herself up yesterday in the room said she wasn't all that easy. But here I was. Having dinner with her. What were her intentions? And what were mine, come to think of it? We ordered. "So, the elephant in the room," I smirked. Dani blushed, looked down at her drink and back up to me. Down again and finally up. She locked her brown eyes on to mine. Brown? They were green, before; I was sure of it. "What was I doing in the conference room," she inquired. "Yeah. That's the elephant." She rested her chin on both of her hands and smiled at me. She was teasing me with her delay, and she knew it. "Alright, that was a mistake." "Apparently," I laughed. "Scott ... the other Scott ... had pushed me in there. And you know it was exciting. It was a thrill. I was about to lock the door when he said he had to use the bathroom. So, he left and I waited. And I thought he would be right back. And he was right back. You just got there sooner." "I'm so sorry for that," I said as sincerely as I could. "Yeah. It certainly was one of my more foolish moments, lately." "We're all fools, sometimes." Hell, I knew I was. "So, with that out of the way," I said, instantly flashing back in my mind to all that I had saw yesterday. Dani in her naked glory. Dani making love. Dani in the throes of passion. "Let's get to the business of just having a nice dinner." "Here's to that," she smiled. You could see her shoulders relax. "Oh," I asked. "I thought your eyes were green." Did I detect a flicker of annoyance? I think she wanted a little less prying and a lot more casual. There's something that I take to be self-evident. If a woman is into a man, she will laugh at all of his bad jokes. And blush when he notices something about her. Not scorn in annoyance. "Contacts," she said. "I have colored contacts I wear sometimes. Brown is my natural color." "You can always be natural with me," I said. What? Why would I say that? That was a little too mushy for a woman whom I didn't know who spent her weekend with another man. That was a pick up line. She didn't need that, and I didn't need to start handing them out. "In that case, you'll be glad to know that my breasts are very real." We both laughed, and from then on, there was no tension between Dani and myself. We were still laughing when the waitress returned with our diner food. As she sat our plates down, I took advantage of the time to recall how naturally Dani's breasts were as she fucked her young stud the day before. They had an easy bounce. They had a fullness that begged for my touch. A nipple that wanted to be bitten. Did she like her breasts mauled as much as I would have loved to maul them? Or was she the type of woman that pushed you off her breasts after too much attention. "Enjoy your food," the waitress pulled me from my mind. And we ate. We talked. We laughed. We never went back to talking about Scott that night. We didn't talk about the conference room. It was a good dinner. I realized that I was the nice guy, even if just for that night. I didn't really mind, either. If anything, I relaxed as I stopped trying to play the game of seduction with her. It also made my wedding band feel considerably less constraining. My consultant contract began to go smoothly for a change, and this in turn extended my business trip significantly. In that time, during the week, Dani would meet me for dinner two or three times a week. Sometimes she had her wedding ring on her finger, sometimes she didn't. Our conversations were easy and fluid, both of us doing the other the honor of not bringing up spouses, affairs or anything in between. I was absolutely sure that nothing was going to happen between us, but I was nevertheless appreciative of our budding platonic relationship. It was a tremendous relief from the grind at the end of the day, and I looked forward to dinners with Dani more and more. On the weekends, Dani checked into the hotel with Scott. We dutifully ignored each other. I plodded through my work, and she danced through her adventure. I pretended to be careful whenever I entered a discreet part of the hotel, should I walk into the two lovers again. Once, I even fancied they would be on my bed fucking as I opened the door. Absurd, but my cock got hard, anyway. I was masturbating a lot while at the hotel; even more so on the weekend. Dani was the primary benefactor of my fantasies, though I tried to sneak one in of my wife now and then. Sometimes, with my hand on my cock, I thought about slamming into her pussy hard from behind, owning her as she steadied herself with her hands against some nearby wall. I couldn't get enough of her tits in this fantasy. Other times, and with a more gentle stroke, I was a more considerate lover. At these times I would look into her eyes. Sometimes they were brown. Sometimes they were green. They were always inviting; luring eyes that pulled me in for a deep, soulful kiss as we fucked gloriously. Most of the time, the times when my cock was the hardest, I didn't bother with fantasy and focused on the memory in the conference room. I will never forget how her breasts seemed to float up and down when she rides cock. I will never forget how her lips parted as she dealt with a rushing orgasm. And the way she sounds when she groans. "Oh, God. Oh, fuck. Cum with me. Fuck me." I made it habit to be in the lobby in the morning when I thought they would check out. Even two lovers in the midst of sexual adventure develop some sort of routine. They pay. They kiss. Scott walks out with the bags. Dani pretends to get some coffee. We make plans for dinner. It was a bit different today. "Scott and I found a hot tub, here," she smirked while biting her lip. "Do you have a bathing suit?" "Six," I asked. "Six is great." At six o clock, I was so tense with nerves that I couldn't wait to ease into the hot, bubbling water of the hotel hot tub. Dani and I stripped down to our bathing suits. I imagined that she was putting on a show for me when she peeled off her over shirt. Her tummy was slim and shapely. The squint of her belly button told me she was sucking it in a little bit, but I was willing to bet she didn't need to. Dani lifted her shirt higher, and she paused just as the lower weight of her breasts came into view. I could begin to make out the sky blue bikini she was wearing when we first met. Briefly, her thumbs traced the outline of her breasts where they met the bikini. My cock stiffened as I imagined her pulling the bikini top off with her shirt. Finally, she lifted her arms up to remove her shift, the bikini safely guarding the tits I had fantasized cumming on. Her eyes were closed as she kept her hands in the air long enough to shake out her dark hair. Did she know she was begging me to hoist her up in my arms and impale her on my cock? It was my turn to strip down while Dani eased herself into the water. I didn't bother to return the tease to Dani. If she was paying attention to me when I took off my own shirt, she didn't show it. I was in good shape. My shoulders, chest and biceps pronounced that I worked out, or at least used to. Yeah, my abs were pudgier than I would like, but I wasn't a walking embarrassment. A moment later, we were both eased into the hot tub. We were close enough for our legs to touch if we stretched out just right. Far enough away for me to know that we were still in the so called Friend Zone. I still don't know why, but for the first time since our first dinner, Dani wanted to talk about Scott. "I let him fuck me without a condom." I don't know if I blinked excessively or if my eyes popped out beyond my nose. "Huh?" "Not this weekend," she was looking at her knees more than at me. "It was the first weekend we got together. We just got carried away." I was starting to regain the composure that I felt I was famous for. She wanted to tell a story. I was going to hear it. It wasn't much more complicated than that. "I was so scared, Scott." I was convinced she knew my name wasn't Scott, but we were both used to that name in our peculiar relationship. "What if I caught something? What if I was pregnant? I felt so lucky when ... when everything checked out okay." "I bet." "Some things you choose to make happen," she continued, now looking at me with searching brown eyes. "Some things you just let happen. And the things you let happen, I mean they can be amazing. But a lot of times you regret it, afterwards. Do you know?" I said I did. I wasn't really sure I was dialed in to what she was trying to tell me, but I didn't think she did, either. Making sense of life was like that. Dani's voice dropped an octave. "When he came in me, I felt everything. It was special. It was passionate. It was primal. And ... and it was so wrong." She bit her lips before continuing. "It was too close. I ... I know that fucking Scott is cheating on my husband. But that was the only moment that actually felt like cheating." Actually, that made a lot of sense to me. "And that time in the conference room," Dani laughed nervously. It seemed like the water in the tub rose in temperature. The water, though bubbling and agitated, was essentially clear, and I hoped she didn't notice I was starting to sport some wood in my swim trunks. Fuck, looking at the way the water lapped beneath her breasts, I almost didn't care if she did see. "That time in the conference room, I don't know why I just let that happen with you there in the other room. I don't regret it, though. I mean, I think I got lucky that you're not a creep. You actually seem like a really nice guy." Ugh, the kiss of death. "But Scott, he's impossibly young for it to be, I don't know, real. I like him. I like him a lot. I even like it when he looks in my eyes and tell me that he loves me. And that's okay because he's too young to know what love is, no matter how he thinks otherwise." I didn't know where this story was going, but at that point I was hoping it was leading to a fuck. My dick was hard. I was sure her pussy was wet. It was time do what comes naturally. "But you're not as young as he is, Scott." And there went my boner. "There's not that .... That ... separation. If you had come out and joined Scott and I, it would have been too much like cheating. It probably would have been hot as sin, but we couldn't have done it. You can't touch me, Scott. But I'm glad we've got to know each other. And I'm glad you got to watch." What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? Me too? Happy to be the blue-balled freak in your closet? Shit, what was the use of getting mad now? I was married. So was she. We were getting along pretty well this whole time. Although I really wanted to, it was best not to ruin things. While I was figuring out how to respond, and while Dani, I'm sure, was trying to read my response, the door to the hot tub room opened up, and in walked another couple. "Room for two more," asked the man. "Absolutely," Dani smiled. There were two good things about the intrusion of this couple. First, it interrupted the first awkward moment between Dani and I since our first dinner together. Second, to make room, Dani and I were pressed closer together. Our legs touched, and I made no effort to move mine away from her, feeling like I was getting away with something. The four of us were making idle, polite chit chat when I became aware of Dani's leg not just touching mine, but rubbing against mine ever so slightly. All four of us were perspiring to some degree in the hot tub, but I suddenly felt like I was a far greater offender. I was hard again. Could they all tell? I wasn't sure I could tell, so how could they? Dani was biting her lip again, looking at me shyly. She glanced down and back up at me, her lips pursed tightly. I suddenly found it very difficult to remain cool. Beneath the surface of the water, Dani was pleasuring herself. She smiled when she realized that I knew. I even think she nodded slightly. She closed her eyes, leaned her head back and pretended to be relaxing. I knew better. I knew that while I was keeping conversation with the strangers, Dani was in her own world, her own fantasy. The couple across from us saw a woman enjoying a hot soak. I cued in on her slightly open mouth. I noticed the tip of her tongue flicking across her lips for just a moment. How her torso was flushed more than ours. I was erotically mesmerized by the rise and fall of her chest, the way it made the water lap over her breasts. My cock throbbed when her leg would for a moment press harder into me. Fuck, this couple needed to go away. "It's hot in here," the other woman professed before getting up and out, beginning to towel off. Thank god. "I don't know how you all handle it for so long." "Some people just like it hot," her man answered as he too got out. Brother, you had no idea. The pair sat on the bench for awhile, thinking that Dani and I gave a fig for what they were saying. Truthfully, I had no idea. What I knew was that with them out of the tub, Dani was working her pleasure more aggressively. Her face was a practiced serenity that belied the movement of her hand. She had started to pull her panties down or out of the way. I thought I saw her fingers pushing through her lips and into her pussy. Her feet were pushing hard into the floor of the tub. Dani opened her eyes to slits, looking at me from beneath her eye lids. The arousal on her face was palpable. In that second, I believed I might seize her and turn her over the edge of the tub and drive my cock into her from behind. "Ready for dinner, honey," the guy said to the gal. And like that, the couple was gone. Dani had the presence of mind to summon a farewell for them as I politely waved. The door shut behind them. We were alone. I was pondering my next move when Dani grabbed my leg high on my thigh. "Ohhhhhhhh, god," she let out a low moaning whisper. My engorged cock was pulsing beneath my shorts. My brain was fogged over by lust, witnessing Dani in this state of lust. "Yesssssss," she hissed, clutching my thigh. "Yeah, Dani," I whispered, encouraging her. "Unghh, baby," she shuttered. Dani let go, her back arching into the side of the tub. Her eyes clenched shut, and just from her leg against mine and her hand on my thigh, I could tell every muscle in her body was tense and tight. A series of grunts escaped her lips as she pushed her hand against her sex before she finally began to settle down. I leaned against her. My hand moved from my cock to her thigh. With my other hand, I gently touched her face. I waited for her brown eyes to open to share that moment of longing in my own eyes. When they did, she reached out languidly for my body. It was possible she was pushing me away, but I didn't care. I leaned forward. She leaned forward. We kissed. Our lips touched gently once, twice and then three times. At once, our lips parted and pressed more into each other. Then our tongues were searching and probing for a deeper passion in a deeper kiss. There were no thoughts in my head when I nibbled on her lip and our kiss deepened. There were no thoughts when my hand lowered from her face, to her shoulder and along its way to her breast I had been dreaming about for weeks. There were no thoughts when she broke the kiss and pulled away. Just a moment of silence that was ripe with passion. "You're a good kisser," she whispered. "Yeah," I answered. "So are you." Dani exhaled and blew my mind when she slowly got out of the tub. "Scott," she said with more sobriety than I felt. "Remember what I said? That kiss, the one we just let happen, I won't regret it. But it can't happen again. I can't do that to my husband." Did she know how fucked up that sounded? I was sure she did. Unfortunately, it all made perfect sense to me. "I know you're almost done with your job. And Scott is college bound, soon." These were things we had talked about over our dinners. "I think it's all of ours last week. And in this last week, you just can't touch me." Degrees of Separation Blimey, I've got two sat there somewhere on the site waiting to be published, and here's another one going in. Sorry no real hard sex --- That's not what I do, just a bit of gentle teasing. Potential happy ending on the books without wishing to give anything away, so those who don't like that, pray move on. I know that doesn't do any good, but you've got to go through the motions. To clear one point before there's a flurry of commentators telling me what would have really happened, then you should know that the use of 'shrinks' and counsellors and the like is relatively rare in the UK, and Europe for that matter, unlike in the States where it appears to be the first port of call. Not saying that's wrong, just different. Enjoy! ++++++++++++++ "Here Mark," said my pretty wife Julie, offering me a glass of red wine. "Please sit down. There's a matter we need to talk about." "Why the wine?" I asked, a little puzzled. "Bit early for drinking isn't it?" "Take it," she said, handing it to me. "You might need it." Didn't sound too promising, but I took the wine, had a sip, sat down and looked at my wife, waiting for her to start. Looking at her by the way is not at all unpleasant, a five foot four brunette of twenty nine summers, a little more than a third of them as my partner, and a little less so as my wife. "What's up?" I inquired, as she remained sat there silently, the other side of the table, more than an indication of a frown on her face, her brown eyes, usually so large and sparkling, some how not seeming so at that moment. "It's difficult Mark. I'm not sure how to begin," Julie sighed. "At the beginning," I suggested, wondering what bad news I was about to get. Hoping that it was that she'd bent the car or something rather than something like a serious health problem. "I'm not sure when it began," she sighed, even deeper this time, giving me no further clues, other than it probably wasn't that the car was bent. "You're not ill or something are you honey?" I tried to encourage her. "If it's that, then I'm sure we can get it fixed." "I'm not ill," Julie mumbled simply. "Good," I replied, it being my turn to sigh, this time with relief. "Not exactly ill Mark," she confused me. "More sort of ..... Well ..... It's difficult." I sat there keeping my counsel, waiting for her to continue. "You've noticed that I've been a bit off lately?" "Not really Julie." "Well I have Mark. I'm surprised you haven't noticed. Surprised you haven't said something." "You've been a bit snappy I suppose, but I put it down to the time of the month or something," I admitted. "It's been a lot longer than a month Mark," she shot back at me sharply, showing irritation rather than anger. "I've been .... on edge for months." "Sorry sweetheart, I never noticed." "Not your fault Mark," my wife replied, the irritation gone and replaced by a look of sympathy. "None of this is your fault. You've done nothing wrong." "So what is wrong Julie?" "It's me honey," she whispered, hardly audibly. "I think the best thing would be if we separate for a while." I've never been much of a fighting man, and have never been punched hard in the stomach. But at that moment I knew exactly how it would feel. I sat there staring at her, probably, I guess, with my mouth gaping wide open. ""Nothing permanent Mark," Julie rushed in to assure me. "Just a few months. Six at the most." It didn't reassure me. "But why?" I croaked, my mouth suddenly and uncomfortably dry. "Because I don't think you'd like the other option honey," Julie told me, staring at me, tears welling up in her eyes. "It's my problem and I've got to solve it myself. The less it hurts you the better." "And you don't think us separating won't hurt me?" I demanded, raising my voice for the first time, my sympathy changing to anger as I leapt to my feet. "I'm sorry Mark," my wife sobbed, the first tears beginning to trickle down her cheeks. "I'm not doing this right. I just can't do this." Before I could respond, Julie leapt up, sending her chair flying and fled the room, her crying tormenting me as she rushed to our bedroom. Christ! What was that all about? ----------------------- I'd like to pretend that I did something sensible; that I took control in some way. But I didn't, and simply slumped back down into my chair again, sighing and holding my head in my hands, trying to make sense of the last ten minutes. Ten minutes, that even then I knew was going to change my life for the worse. It was a good hour later, and I was till sitting there in my misery, when I was suddenly aware that Julie was standing there alongside me. She hadn't spoken a word, and I hadn't heard her leaving our room, or coming down the stairs. I waved for her to sit back down again, not trusting my voice, not sure that I could speak with any clarity. "I'm sorry Mark," she murmured. "I shouldn't have said anything. I should have just ....." "Just what?" I threw back at her when she fell silent, quietly but not trying to hide my anger and frustration. "Who is he? How long has it been going on?" "I swear to you there's nothing been going on Mark. There is nobody else. You're the only one I love honey. Can't you see why that's making it so difficult?" "I can't see anything for God's sake, Julie," I screamed at her. "You're killing me. What the fuck's all this about?" "It's me," she said, sighing deeply. "Obviously," I replied. "What's wrong with you?" "It's difficult," she repeated yet again, angering me further. "So help me Julie, I'll bloody well smack you if you say that again," I shouted, really losing my rag. "What's this all about? Tell me. Tell me now or I'll throw you out of the damn house." "OK," Julie whimpered back, recoiling at my show of anger, something she'd never witnessed before. "It's me. It's something inside me. Something eating away at me. Something that has been building up for a year or more now." "Carry on," I spoke up, fighting to control my anger. "I'm thirty next birthday Mark." "So am I," I reminded her. "I know, but it's not the same for a man. You're better looking now than you ever were. Most men are, but for a woman it's all down hill from there. Saggy boobs, cellulite, no more mini skirts or tight jeans. Leave a few buttons undone and nobody looks anymore." "Rubbish!" I reacted. She was talking rubbish and must have known it. At twenty-nine Julie was even more gorgeous than she had been five years previously, and still looked fabulous in her minis, even the super short ones that sometimes had me wondering how she had the nerve, and to suggest that nobody noticed her cleavage when she flashed it, was like saying nobody noticed a bright red Ferrari accelerating by. I told her so, and she didn't argue, even smiling back nervously at me as I told her quite how attractive she was. How often I spotted guys looking at her in admiration. How my pals passed lusty comments about her, and especially her long shapely legs, when they didn't think I was listening. How only that previous weekend, I'd watched with amusement as some old geezer had carefully manoeuvred himself to the side of her, to get a better view down the gap in the front of her top. How those three randy teenage boys had followed her around with their tongues hanging out, when they'd spotted her wandering around on the beach topless when we'd been on holiday three months previously. "I know," she admitted, smiling at me guiltily. "I know I've still got it. I know men look at me and stare at me. I know men try to look up my skirt and down my top, and I know that some of your pals lust after me. I'm always having to ward off wandering hands whenever we are at a party, and I'm forever turning down guys trying to date me when I'm at work." "So what's the problem Julie?" I asked plaintively, choosing to ignore the information, some of it quite new to me, about how often Julie was apparently the subject of attention beyond what I might have felt entirely comfortable with. "I don't want to." "What?" "I don't want to Mark," she repeated. "Sometimes I don't want to push off other men's wandering hands if I choose not to. To be free to accept a date when an attractive man chats me up. To be free to go back to his house at the end of it." "Why now? What's changed?" I asked, unhappily, shocked at what I was hearing. "Nothing's changed honey. It's just that I'm getting older. At the moment I feel that I could have any man I want, just by flashing a bit of leg at him or giving him the eye. But how long is that going to last Mark? How many men are going to chase after me in another five years or so?" She was talking rubbish again of course, and Julie would be chased by men for ages yet. Christ, her mother was in her late fifties and still attracted men around her like flies. But I didn't contradict her. Didn't say anything really; just sat there trying not to look over at her, not knowing what to say. I didn't want to lose her, but had the wind taken out of my sails by her wish to be free to date other guys, and yes, of course to fuck them. If she was that determined, then maybe I didn't even want to bother trying to stop her. Maybe she wasn't worth it. But I knew that wasn't really how I felt, and knew that if I gave up without a fight, then I'd regret it for the rest of my life. "So you want us to split up so you can fuck other men. Is that it?" "No Mark, that's not it at all" she shot back at me, furiously. "I don't want us to split up. I love you and want to grow old with you. I just want .... need, a short break from our marriage to get this out of my system." "To fuck other men," I repeated, dejectedly. "No Mark," she came straight back again, but a little calmer. "I won't insult your intelligence by pretending that sometime, eventually, it might be that, and I won't pretend that the prospect of ending up in some strange man's bed isn't exciting. But it's not just that. Other than a couple of pathetic boys when I was at school, you're the only man I've dated. The only man I've known." "This has got something to do with me taking your virginity hasn't it?" I asked, reflecting on how Julie had been a bit dowdy and totally inexperienced when I'd first met her. How we'd been thrown together as partners at a social night at the tennis club, and how surprised she'd been when I'd invited her out for a drink afterwards, though perhaps not much more surprised than I was that I'd asked. How captivated I'd found myself with a girl that I'd never taken any notice of for the previous year, and how I'd fallen under her spell so quickly. How nervous she'd been when I first kissed her, and even more so when I'd first felt her breast. How Julie had genuinely trembled, not knowing whether to grin or cry when I'd first undressed her. The first time we'd gone the whole way. How she'd laughed and cried at the same time afterwards, astonished at how wonderful it had been, eager to know how quickly we could do it again. The first time I'd taken her shopping and her reluctance to even try on any short skirts at first, and her embarrassment as she'd walked down the high street in her first mini skirt and pair of high heels, when I eventually persuaded her to let me buy them for her. How different now! How different that shy little woman had been, compared to the confident, beautiful, sophisticated, sexy example of womanhood that I was now married to. "Yes. Yes of course it is." Julie answered my question. "That's part of it." "You've never been with another man since me Julie?" I enquired, pretty sure of the answer, but nervous that there may be someone in between that I'd not known about. "Of course I haven't, damn you Mark!" Julie snapped back, her eyes flashing angrily. "You know I haven't. You're the only one. For God's sake Mark, can't you understand that's what this is all about? Have you been even listening to me? Can't you see that I'm frightened of getting old and never knowing what it's like to be young, attractive and fancy free? I missed out when other girls of my age were playing the field. I've never been able to walk into a pub or a club, and wonder what guys I'm going to meet up with. How far I'm going to let them go. Am I going to let take liberties with me; let them take me outside; let them take me back to their place. I've missed out and I've never done any of that stuff, and I want to experience it before I get too old or I'll go crazy. "And that's my fault?" "Of course not Mark. I never said it was," her voice softened. "If I thought it was, then maybe I'd have done it behind your back, and Lord knows, I've had enough opportunities. But I can't do that to you. It would kill me to cheat on you. I'd rather die!" Silence! A long, very awkward silence while we both sat there wondering what the hell to say next. The silence broken only by long deep sighs from the pair of us, not knowing how we were going to solve this problem that confronted us. Eventually I made an attempt to get her to see how stupid and unreasonable her attitude was, while she went back over what she'd been trying to explain to me. Neither of us succeeded, and I think by then, that neither of us were really listening to what the other one was saying. Julie made some supper, which we eat in relative silence, all our attempts at conversation fading back into some kind of silent truce. We talked about putting our names down for the annual tournament at the tennis club that we both still played at, falling silent when the futility of it dawned, not knowing whether we'd still be a couple when the day came. We went to bed, together of course, and even cuddled up. Julie made some attempt to fondle me to see if there was any interest, but I took her hand and diverted it elsewhere. Not angrily, but it didn't seem appropriate, and she didn't try again. We fell asleep; at least I did, eventually, knowing that the matter was by no means finished, but that it didn't look good. Knowing what Julie wanted, and claimed she needed, but knowing that I wasn't going to give in. Impasse! ------------------ The next morning was surprisingly ordinary; ordinary except somewhat quieter than normal. We said the things that had to be said, in order for our life to function, but little else. Julie seemed to be on the point of saying something to me, possibly something significant, but I waited in vain to hear it. Breakfast finished, she went her way and I went mine. I didn't worry that she was going to do anything silly that day, and in fact the thought never even occurred to me. It wasn't that day I was worried about, so much as the days, weeks and months that were to follow. If she couldn't get this silly notion out of her pretty little head, then any separation wouldn't be for a few months, but would end up being permanent, something that I knew, but she wouldn't accept. The day's work over, I made my way back home, surprised to see Julie's car already there, since she normally arrived home at least half an hour after me. "Hi Mark," Julie greeted me, as I walked into the kitchen where she had started dinner. At least she didn't offer me another glass of wine. What the hell had happened to that one last night by the way? "I'm sorry honey," she remarked, when I just nodded back to her, by no means my normal greeting. "Look I'm sorry Mark," she repeated when I did little to respond. "I couldn't work today, so I've come home early." "What, nobody at work take your fancy today Julie," I responded spitefully. "That's not fair Mark," Julie said sadly. "I know what I'm doing to you isn't fair. I know I'm being a bitch, and being unreasonable. But I'm begging you Mark, if you don't help me, then our marriage is toast." "Maybe that's what I want," I spat back at her. It wasn't, but I wanted to lash out and hurt her, and I could never bring myself to do that physically. Julie dropped the knife she was cutting some vegetables up with, and slumped over the kitchen worktop, bursting into tears. I'm a sucker for that and what man isn't. I stood there watching as her sobs wracked her body, telling myself that she deserved it. Maybe she did, but I'm not made of stone and I loved the woman. Stepping over to her, I reached out and put my hand on her shoulder, giving it a little squeeze, and telling her that we'd work it out between us somehow. "Will we Mark," she asked, haltingly between her sobs. "Will we work it out Mark. Will you help me to work it out?" "I'll try Julie," I answered back softly. "I don't know how honey, but I promise I'll try." ------------------ Not much was achieved that evening, except, significantly I persuaded her that we ought to go and see a marriage councillor, not that I knew of one any more than she did. Julie hated the thought of the idea at first, but eventually relented, and I breathed a sigh of relief, as much as because it would mean a stay of execution as with any hope that it might help us. It turned out a waste of time, as the two that we did find were overbooked and couldn't fit us in for at least a month. Not without a court order or a doctors note, and we didn't have the first and had no inclination to arrange the second. Our life continued, pretty miserably mostly, though there were brighter moments, especially when we were around others, when our life seemed almost normal. Normal that is except the one local party we attended, when the whole thing virtually blew up in our faces. It was just twenty or so friends, mostly couples, and a few friends of friends that we didn't know. It started off ordinarily enough, with plenty of booze, tasty nibbles, a bit of casual dancing and a lot of chatter between us; the guys discussing the football and the girls whatever women talk about when they're together. Perhaps it was wishing to find out what that was a couple of hours into the evening, that made me lean against the door frame and listen to a group of them talking just inside. Maybe I picked the wrong moment. "Have you seen that guy Dave?" Demanded one woman, who's squeaky voice could only be Mary Thomas, a thirty year old who lives just down the road from us. "Tom and Carol bought him along. What a hunk he is." "He's Carol's cousin apparently," added another woman, whose voice I didn't recognise. "He's gorgeous. I wouldn't mind trying out his package." "Big feet, big hands. I wonder what else he's got big," giggled Helen, who's voice I recognised, being my best friend Alan's wife, and the group around her all joined in the laughter. I was just imagining what Alan would think about that comment, when I heard another voice that I recognised even more certainly. "He's big Ok, " I heard her say. "He pulled me up to dance as soon as Mark disappeared, and pulled me in close, and I mean really close." "That close?" laughed one of the others, who I no longer cared who she was. "What did it feel like Julie?" "Huge," my wife giggled back. "The cheeky devil kept poking it into my tummy." "I bet you didn't push him away though, did you?" "Got to take it where you can get it," Julie laughed. "Besides, the way he was gripping my bottom, I couldn't have pulled away if I'd wanted." "Oh poor you," Helen teased her, and all four or five of them burst out laughing. "Yes poor you Julie!" I growled angrily, hanging precariously onto my temper, as I stepped out through the door to confront them. The women all looked up in surprise, and then burst out into laughter again, having no idea of the problems that Julie and I were having, and treating Julie's comments as girly banter, the sort of fairly harmless thing that happens all the time at parties like that. All the women except Julie of course, who stood there stock still, losing all the colour from her face, staring at me and wishing the floor would swallow her up. Degrees of Separation "Oh come on Mark," Helen chastised me, noticing that I wasn't amused. "Julie was just shooting the shit. You know she wouldn't do anything to upset you." "Do I?" I growled again. "I'm not sure I do." The other women fell silent, shocked, looking back and forward at Julie and me, clueless as to why I was so upset. Helen opened her mouth to say something else, but closed it again, changing her mind. "I'm getting tired," I snapped at Julie. "I'm ready to go whenever you are, unless you want to chance your arm with lover boy." Julie recoiled, her friends gasped, and I turned tail and left them, cursing her silently for what she'd said, and myself for over-reacting. I'd heard her say things like that before, and I'd heard half the other women do so as well for that matter, and had laughed it off. But that was then and this was now. The rules had changed. The dynamics weren't the same. Our relationship was damaged. Julie came running after me, pulling me into the empty corridor, and promptly apologised and told me off as well. "I'm sorry Mark," she said, gripping me by the arms. "But there was no need for that outburst. How the hell are we going to explain that away?" "There was no need for you to let him stick his cock in you Julie," I pointed out. "He did no such thing and you know it," she shot back angrily. "I can't damn well help it if he's got a hard on when he danced with me. It happens to me all the time, and don't tell me that you've never done the same thing with some of the girls who are here tonight." "Maybe," I felt forced to admit. "But I don't grab their asses and rub it up against them." "Look, I exaggerated Mark," she quietened down. "OK, he tried to take a few liberties but I warned him off. It was just girl talk for God's sake. Why are you reacting this way?" "Why the hell do you think I'm reacting this way?" I asked, suddenly calm, my question all the more pointed as a result. "Oh!" "That's it? Just, Oh?" "I think we'd better go home Mark," Julie gave in with, suddenly sounding defeated. "This isn't working." "Why don't you stay here Julie?" I sniped at her. "You seemed to be enjoying yourself." "I was. Maybe next time I'll come on my own and really enjoy myself," she snapped back, but made for the front door anyway, grabbing her coat as she went out, with me a few steps behind her. Well that went well, didn't it? --------------------- For the next several days it was like walking on coals, hot ones. We manoeuvred around one another, trying to be polite, or even better having nothing to do with one another. It couldn't go on, and sooner or later I felt that it had to explode. As it happened, it was more like an implosion. "We can't go on like this Mark," Julie told me calmly, one morning. "It was you that started it," I pointed out. "Are you going to drop this stupid idea?" "If I did, if I promised to," she half sighed, resignedly. "Would you believe me?" "Why wouldn't I?" "Think about it honey. If I'm late home from work? If I want to go out with the girls for the evening? If I'm dancing close with some guy at a party like the other evening? When I go off on one of my company seminars for a week? What would you be thinking? Would you really trust me now Mark?" "Good question," I said, sighing deeply. "I don't know. It would be difficult so maybe not." "I no longer know if I can trust myself Mark." "Nothing more to be said then." "Then our marriage is finished, isn't it Mark?" "Sounds like it." ------------------ Oddly enough, the future, or lack thereof, of our marriage safely out of the way, we managed to get on a bit better. Not well you understand, but better. We talked, we laughed and we even cuddled a few times. We still slept in the same bed; it seemed churlish not to do so, but I carefully kept to my side, and Julie returned the favour. We did wake up one morning with my arms around her and spooning up against her, but immediately upon waking pulled away, distancing ourselves. Trouble was, I didn't want to. Pull away that is. She was so beautiful and I still loved her, and this was breaking my heart. I absolutely wouldn't stand for this separation deal she'd asked for, but I hated the thought of loosing her. Then it happened. I got ambushed when I came home from work the next day. "Mark. One of the men at work has asked me out to dinner," Julie hit me with. "I'm not sure what to say to him." "Do you want to?" I asked, trying to cover my dejection. "Yes Mark," she whispered. "Sort of, but I don't want to upset you." "Would it upset you if I went out on a date with one of the women in my office," I gave as my answer. "How about that pretty coloured girl that works in accounts?" I had no real, or at least imminent intentions of doing so, as good as the girl looked in the tight jeans that she frequently wore, and didn't even know for sure if Julie would remember Sarah from our last Christmas party. I'd said it to strike back at her more than anything. Sort of tit for tat, and hoped for a reaction, but not quite the one I got. "What?" She screamed at me, her eyes bright with anger. "That slut? What have you been up to behind my back, you cheating bastard?" She shut up, fell silent, reaching up and covering her mouth with her hand in surprise, while I stood there, shocked, my mouth open but unable to let the words I next intended to say escape into the charged atmosphere. "What I meant was ......' Julie eventually broke the long drawn out silence, but then, having done so, couldn't finish the sentence. "What did you mean?" "Nothing," she sobbed. "I didn't mean anything." "Julie," I cried out, reaching up for her, but she pushed me away, crying openly, sobbing that she had to get out; that she needed some air, grabbing her coat and fleeing to the front door and outside onto the street. I didn't stop to think, didn't hesitate, and leapt up and ran after her. My woman was in pain and I couldn't let her run off like that. I couldn't desert her. Thirty feet down the road, I caught up with Julie, and without thinking about it, took her hand in mine. She made a token effort to shake me off, but when I hung on, I felt her give in, and a few moments later answer my gentle squeeze with one of her own. We walked, the two of us, hand in hand for a good half a mile not saying a word to one another, Julie from time to time sneaking nervous glances up at me. "What are we going to do Mark," she asked at long last. "I love you and don't want to loose you, but ...." "But what honey?" "You know what Mark. Some days it's alright and I think I've got over it, but other days something happens and I want to scream out in frustration. It's silly things like seeing some cute guy walking by, or one of the men at work stopping to ask me a question, or even one of my male clients ringing me up. You must hate me." "I could never hate you Julie," I assured her. "You shocked me that first time you gave me your ultimatum, but I just don't seem to be able to stop loving you." "I didn't mean it as an ultimatum," Julie replied, and something clicked. For some reason, I remembered something she'd said that first evening. It was clutching at straws and pretty feeble ones at that, but maybe worth trying. "Julie," I started, trying to remember exactly what she'd said. "That first night, you said something about another option. One that I wouldn't like, but you never told me what it was?" "You won't like it." "Try me." Julie took several deep breaths before speaking. "That I could see other men, discretely of course and nobody we know would know about it. Not many. Maybe one would be enough." "But probably not," I interjected quietly, when she hesitated. "No," she agreed, not able to meet my eye. "I wouldn't do it in your face. I wouldn't embarrass or humiliate you in any way. Nobody we know of course and it wouldn't be often. Just being free to go out on my own occasionally, and letting some strange guy chat me up. I'd tell you all about it, or keep it my secret, as long as I had your approval, unspoken if that's what you wanted. Her voice got more animated as she spoke, encouraged no doubt by my continued silence and lack of objections, maybe hoping that her words were convincing me. But she was about to be disappointed! "I couldn't do that Julie," I told her solemnly. "It's not me. I haven't got it in me to stand by and let my wife carry on like that." "I know," she agreed, her burgeoning excitement fading. " I did say you wouldn't go for it." "Why the hell didn't you just go off and cheat on me and get it out of your system without me knowing for God's sake Julie? Why did you have to be so bloody honest?" "I couldn't Mark, not behind your back," Julie mumbled quietly. "I couldn't cheat on you." "You could try," I cried out in desperation, not really considering what I was saying. "I did try," she shocked me with. "That guy, Carol's cousin at that party. I can't even remember his name. I'm sorry but I lied to you Mark. He did rub his cock against my tummy and I pushed right back. He did feel my bottom and I didn't discourage him. He asked me to go out into the garden with him and I was so hot for him that I agreed. I thought maybe I could do it, and get away with it without you knowing. I thought maybe if I let him fuck me then it would get it out of my system, or perhaps show me how stupid I was acting. Anyway, he led me round the side of their garage and shoved me up against the wall, then kissed me roughly and grabbed my breast and squeezed it hard. I was hot, sweating, desperate for it and it was everything that I've been dreaming of, so I begged him to fuck me. He reached down and stuck his hand up my skirt, and .... and ...." "And what?" I demanded, my fist gripped tightly together, the tightness in my chest suffocating me. "And I couldn't do it Mark," Julie continued, suddenly almost matter of factly. "I just couldn't cheat on you behind your back and told him to stop. He didn't, and when he tried to drag my skirt up I slapped his face. He called me a bitch and started to pull my top down so I kneed him between the legs, and he let go of me and staggered back. I ran off and he called me a prick-tease but at least didn't follow me." "I'll kill the bastard," I growled. "No you won't Mark and it wouldn't be fair. I led him on. Thought it might solve our problems in some way but I was kidding myself and it wouldn't have solved anything, just made things worse. I tidied myself up and went back inside, and damn it if the girls I joined up with didn't start talking about him. Like a fool I said what I said and you heard it. I was somehow proud of myself that I'd pushed him off, but then you were there shouting at me and it didn't seem fair. That sounds stupid now, doesn't it, but I wasn't thinking straight." "Christ!" I muttered, stunned by the tale she'd related. "So you see Mark, I couldn't do it; can't do it. I can't cheat on you any more than you could agree to me doing it. There's only one way despite the risks involved, the way I suggested." "Even if it ends our marriage?" "I refuse to believe that. We'll find a way. We'll get back together again." "And if we don't?" "We will Mark. We have to." That about ended the conversation, with neither of us having anything further to contribute. My wife was going to go off for a while and fuck a bunch of guys and then come back and our marriage was going to be OK again. Ha, bloody ha. My wife was indeed delusional. Sighs all round, and we somehow took one another's hand again, and walked slowly and silently back to out house. Our marriage was over and all that was left was to pick over the remains. Nothing to be gained by getting upset about it. I'd argued, shouted and screamed, just about everything except hitting her and that wasn't going to happen. ------------------ Discretely I started packing a few things together ready to make the break. Not clothes, but tools and things, the sort of things that you don't need every day. I just assumed it would be me leaving and Julie was showing no sign of sorting out her things, but then of course, she was still planning on coming back if it was her that left. Our house was rented and we both had our own cars, so it would only be a matter of sorting out the bank accounts and that wouldn't exactly be terribly challenging. We never actually discussed it, and never set the date, but Julie was due to go off on one of her weeklong medical seminars that she helped to organise regularly. We both knew that the drugs company she worked for was full of attractive young things, with nearly as many men as women, so the chances were that one of her team that week would get the ball rolling. If not then some damn doctor might be the lucky bastard. The morning Julie left I waved her off as she drove away, determined that I'd be packed and gone by the time she returned on the following Saturday. I couldn't help but notice the tear in her eye as she waved goodbye back to me, and I only managed to hold on till I got back inside. We both knew, but weren't admitting it. It was like a damn train wreck that you couldn't stop happening. The train was running wild down the hill gathering speed, brakes failed and nothing to prevent the catastrophic event that was about to happen. ----------------- I was in turmoil the first few days, almost convincing myself that I should go along with her suggestion, but knowing deep down that I was kidding myself. It was over. Every day I wondered what guy my wife was flirting with, and every night, who she might be sleeping with. Not healthy, and by the Thursday I hadn't exactly progressed my packing, promising I would start seriously that evening when I got home from work, and reprimanding myself because I hadn't done anything about finding somewhere else to stay. I was so fucking miserable when I parked my car that evening, that I almost didn't notice Julie's car parked in front of our house. What the hell was that doing there? I didn't reach the front door before it flew open and Julie burst out, rushing out to greet me, and crying out my name as she threw her arms round me. "I met this man," she told me excitedly, not exactly the news I wanted to hear. "He was wonderful." Ignoring my protests, she carried on enthusiastically, "I met him the first night Mark. He's a Doctor. Older than us, about fifty or so. I had dinner with him and he's solved all our problems honey." "Sorry Julie," I retorted, pushing her away and trying to keep my anger in check. "I warned you. This isn't going to work." "Of course it will work Mark. Can't you see?" "All I can see is that my wife has gone off and slept with some stranger and now thinks everything will be OK. Life ain't that easy." "What are you talking about?" Jenny asked, calming down and staring up at me in puzzlement. "You and other men," I snapped. "You cheating on our marriage." "Oh that." "Yes damn it, that!" "But that was before honey," she said, a look of pleading in her eye, and this time it was my turn to look puzzled. "So who was this guy that you fucked?" "What guy? I did no such thing." Bloody hell, this was getting confusing! "This man; this bloody wonderful doctor. That's who I mean." "He was great, wonderful. I spent every evening talking to him." "Talking?" Well that sounded odd. "Yes he was a psychologist, happily married with three lovely children." "So?" I queried, still not seeing it. "What's his kids got to do with anything?" "But don't you see, my wonderful husband?" She asked, and of course I didn't. "It's my age, my hormones. My body was trying to tell me something but I got the wrong message." "What bloody message?" "I want to have a baby honey. I don't need other men. I need a baby." "But I thought you said ....." "I know what I said when we talked about it before," Julie interrupted me, boiling over with joy. "But blow my career Mark. I want to have a baby. I want your baby." "So all that ...." "Rubbish," she interrupted me again, grinning wildly, still desperately clinging onto me like a drowning woman. "Tom my doctor friend explained the whole thing. Apparently he wrote a thesis on the subject and is an expert. Forget dating other men, who needs them? I want a baby honey. I want to get pregnant. I've come back early once I knew. Please help me." Well ...... Not saying that I took it all in at first really, or that I didn't harbour certain doubts for a while when I did. Julie duly gave me a short note from her doctor friend written out on some very impressive looking paper. Explained in plain English that even I could understand, that women, some of them, go through changes at certain times of their lives, and that one of the crucial times is as they approach the latter stages of their life when they are still capable of bearing children. It's apparently as common in existing mothers as it is in woman that have never had children, except that the former have a pretty good idea what it is, and the latter can often end up upset and confused. The good doctor, rightly or wrongly, put down many marriage break ups to this problem, and had been delighted to sit down and talk through the whole thing with Julie when she'd confessed her feelings to him. Not saying that I understood the whole thing, but I was half convinced, and when Julie rang him the second night back, and got me to talk to him then I found him pretty convincing. It was a silly thing that prodded me over the edge in the end, him joking about how much it would have cost us if we'd gone to his office for a consultation, but that knowing that he'd saved the marriage of such a beautiful woman as Julie, was reward enough. Couldn't really argue with that, and in truth even if I could, then I simply didn't want to. If there was a genuine chance that this would work, then I was up for giving it a serious try. "What about your job Julie?" I asked, still trying to come to terms with the new situation I found myself in. "What job?" She grinned back. "I've already given my notice in. I thought six moths might be about right. Give them time to chose someone for me to train up, and enough time for you to get the job done." "Better get started then," I chuckled back, and taking her hand, led her up to our bedroom. ------------------ Epilogue (Some people like them, so for the avoidance of doubt ...) She wasn't far out, and six months later found us satisfactorily four months pregnant, which wasn't bad, considering she had to let the effects of the birth pill wear off. In actual fact she went part time for another three months, more I think because she wanted to show off her new lump to her colleagues, than anything else. Some women have bad pregnancies and some good, but Julie was resplendent. Her skin, her complexion and her hair shone with good health, and she smiled and laughed so much that I had a job to keep up with her. Our friend Helen did ask Julie, seeing how deliriously happy we were, what the outburst at the party had been about, and she spun her some yarn about us getting frustrated because we'd been trying for a baby without success, but that now, evidently, everything was just fine and dandy. We never heard it mentioned again, and that guy, what was his name? Carol's cousin: well he went back to Dubai and we never saw him again. Just as well really, because he was a lot bigger than me, and apparently had been in the parachute regiment. Little Harry, named after Julie's dad, was born perfect, and I found my nose pushed out a little for a while by the two delighted grandmothers who couldn't get over their excitement. Not saying they ever did, but things did get back some kind of normality, and we were just beginning to enjoy it, when ..... Julie fell pregnant again. Degrees of Separation Helen passed a comment about waiting for a bus, and when it comes there's four of them, and we laughed, glancing at one another wondering what she'd think if she only knew. Glenda, after my Mum this time, arrived on time and every bit as beautiful as her older sibling, and there's not a lot else to tell you. Oh yes! Julie took to motherhood like a duck to water, and our problems, or hers really, never resurfaced. Was the good doctor correct in his diagnosis, or was it simply a case of another attractive supplanting a less acceptable one, or, even, was that what the doctor had in mind anyway? I've no idea and it's all way above my head. All I know is that it worked and we're happy. She still wears short skirts and has the best set of legs at the nursery that the kids attend, as the half concealed glances of the other envious dads give her, would confirm. We still go to parties and things, though not so often now that we have the dreaded 'babysitter' constraint. And yes, Julie still gets asked to dance a lot, and yes, a number of her partners try to see what they can get away with. And yes, if you're wondering, she knows her limits and sticks strictly to them, and they are well within my limits of acceptability as well. Julie's company kept her post available but she never went back, and with the kids due to start school fairly soon, she made a momentous decision. "I want to do an Open University degree course," she told me with one of her loving smiles. "You've got a degree Julie," I pointed out. "Not one that will allow me to work as a marriage counsellor," she explained. "Sounds good to me," I agreed, and that's what she'd doing now. Intending to start part time when the kids are both settled down in their new school. I think she'll be good at it. -------------------- Did she ever cheat on me? I honestly don't think so, not really, and I know her better than anyone. Will she ever cheat on me? I very much doubt it. Simply can't imagine it, and the torment we both went through reinforces that. Do I regret anything? No! No point. Not even that I had to bring a sharp halt to the flirting I'd started with young Sarah, the little coloured beauty, when Julie came to her senses. ++++++++++++ I like happy endings, and those of you, as there inevitably will be, who will rant and rave about not trusting the bitch and to throw her to the wolves, know nothing. It's my story, so there! They lived happily ever afterwards and their children grew up to be rich and famous, and by the way --- What was his name? Oh yes, Dave. Well he fell under a bus. A big red double-decker! The end. Degrees of Separation I was stunned to silence. Dani took advantage and quickly left me alone in the hot tub room, leaving me with her words to ponder and the lingering of her kiss on my lips. I still felt her kiss a day later. I was disappointed when she didn't join me for dinner. A day later, I still felt the kiss. Again, no dinner. The next day, the kiss was beginning to give way to the fog of memory. When again I dined alone, disappointment faded to acceptance followed by a quick course of guilt. The fantasy of Dani had uprooted me completely from the realm of being any semblance of a nice guy. I was certainly on my way home after the weekend, and I needed to work it out with my wife or move on. Either way, I was married at the time and that was supposed to be special. Still, I didn't think I would stop stroking off thinking about Dani anytime soon, and my tenuous moral fiber was okay with that. Dani was right, that degree of separation made everything just fine. On Friday afternoon, I was taking advantage of the pool. Swimming a few laps, I kept an eye on the other guests of the hotel, particularly the ladies. Particularly the young ladies. I was pondering how Dani's degree of separation was the age gap between her and Scott. I wondered if this would work for me as well. I wasn't far into this rationalization when I saw Dani and Scott carrying luggage, undoubtedly to the room they had just checked into. What was surprising was that they were both looking at me. Apparently they were having a conversation about me, too. Scott was scowling. Dani was pensive. They went to their room and I kept swimming. Having seen Dani again, I found it harder to concentrate on the rest of the scenery there at the pool. A little later, showering up for a late dinner somewhere in the city, I was contemplating Dani and everything that had happened between us in the last five or six weeks. I thought about our dinners. I thought about our kiss. I thought about her breasts and how they might dance alluringly in front of my face while her pussy clenched tightly around my cock. Somewhere between lather, rinse and repeat, I convinced myself that after dinner, I would return to my room and spend the rest of the weekend locked away. I was flirting with trouble the entire visit there, and now, so close to going home, I thought it was important to get my mind right. I still wasn't sure if I was going to work it out with my wife or not. Stepping out of the shower and toweling off, I realized that my entire stay on this trip was a blend of work, Dani and guilt. There was certainly no way to honestly evaluate my best course of action regarding my wife. Wrapping the towel around my waist and stepping out of the bathroom, I affirmed that getting my mind right was just what the doctor ordered. In the end, I was a man who didn't know what he wanted, and instead of resolve I was better described as a man of shifting ambiguity. I knew this when I reached for my cellular on the bed stand and noted the wrapped condom lying near it. I blinked. I hadn't used a condom in the twenty odd years I was married. I certainly hadn't brought any with me. I felt feverish all through my body, and my stomach betrayed my nerves as it clenched in knots. My room had been invaded, for good or bad. But the feeling of not knowing, of being out of control had me on the edge of perfect tension. I turned to look around the room slowly and nervously. Dani was sitting on the sofa, smiling shyly at me with her deep brown eyes. Long earrings dangled from her lobes, and I saw just how beautiful her neck was on her shoulders, especially with her dark hair tied back like it was. As surprised as I was to see her, the real reason why my mouth hung idiotically agape was the pink negligee she was wearing. The top piece tied in a pink string between her breasts and opened up below that, showing me the flesh of her stomach. The lace style over her breasts granted me a peak at her nipples for the first time since the conference room. Dani's legs were crossed and she leaned forward slightly, and I caught the barest glimpse of the pink panties she was wearing beneath. This wasn't the first time I let my eyes linger on her long and shapely legs, giving me chance to notice her toe nails painted pink to match her garb. "Hi," she mouthed it more than said it. "Well, hello, darling," I smiled as calm as I could. Within my mind I was screaming at her. What are you doing here? Why is there a condom on the bed stand? Is it for the obvious reason? Are we going to do this? Are we actually going to fuck? Can we do that? Can I do that? "Scott, please," her smile dissipated. "Not darling, okay?" Of course not. What was I thinking? The smile returned to her face just as quickly as she looked down at her painted toes demurely. "I want to give you something." My throat was dry. I didn't know why, but I found myself pumping the brakes. "I'm married." "I see the ring," she countered. Of course she did. "Okay," I said, stepping forward. Was there no end to my moronic answers? I was reaching for the knot on my towel, ready to stand before Dani in my naked glory, resigned to erase any pretense of separation between us. "Wait," Dani stood up urgently, putting her hand on mine before the towel could loosen. "Do you remember what I said?" "Of course," I nodded. I had no idea what she was talking about. My cock was at half mast uncertain which way it should go, and I would be damned if this beauty was going to blue ball me again. "You can't touch me," she looked into my eyes. Hers were misty and begging for understanding. I didn't understand. I was confused out of my mind. Why the condom? Why would she be there at all dressed like this? But of course I was reasonable. "No problem," I smiled. "I just want to give you something," she repeated. I wanted to give her something, myself. "But you can't touch me." "No problem," I reiterated. Dani then knocked my hands to my sides and unfastened my towel herself. As it hit the floor with a rustle, I was acutely only aware of the warmth of her hands nearly touching my rapidly swelling cock. I was proud of my cock, jutting towards Dani willfully. Her expression told me she wasn't disappointed either. My balls tightened when she licked her lips. Was she going to suck my cock? Fuck, that was a gift I would happily receive. "Lie down on the bed," she said in a low, sultry whimper. It was nearly impossible to not leap into the bed with uncouth anticipation, but I managed. And then Dani sat back down on the sofa. What the hell? "Umm," I said aloud. "Just wait a moment," she pleaded with a seductive smile. I slumped back, my eyes on the ceiling. My mighty spear of lust wilted to useless drift wood and I swore I could hear my balls groan. I was trying to make sense of this. Was she going to dance? Do a little strip tease? Was the condom there just in case? Maybe she was going to pull out a book a read me a god damned story. I was beyond frustrated, but my mind settled down when I focused that she was sitting not far from me only a shade away from being fully nude. Propping myself on my shoulders, I looked at her for the no other reason but to enjoy how beautiful she was there. Dani was a sexual creature, and always would be in my mind. But there, dressed in a soft pink, she somehow seemed more innocent and virginal. Of course she wasn't, but she still accorded a visage of purity. I smiled at her, hoping to ease the nerves behind her smile. Whatever it was she was intent to give me, I was suddenly assured it would be beautiful as that moment shared between our locked eyes from across the room. The door opened. Fuck. I can't fully explain how startled I was when Scott walked in wearing a white terrycloth bathrobe. I recall that moment with so much dread and disgust that to examine it well enough it to put it to proper words. The pendulum of my mind swung from sexual serenity to a host of ugly emotions when that door opened and the real Scott walked in. "So, you're the guy," Scott said, closing the door behind him. I remembered in that moment just how insecure the young man was. I'm sure he wouldn't be for much longer in his life. But right now, he was a Man-child. And I was damned if I was going to be intimidated by the young snot. I offered a naughty smile at Dani, letting her know I was game. It was all so clear that now I was getting a front row seat. I would much rather have felt the pleasure of her pussy with my own dick, but this wasn't that bad either. "What's your name," he asked. "It doesn't matter," Dani quickly answered, quickly taking control of the young lover. "Come here." Scott flashed me a smile of alpha dominance. Whatever, dude. I'm not competing with you. You do your thing. This was all a gift for me. Not for you. I was going to enjoy Dani in spite of you. Scott never gave me a second glance for the rest of that interlude. They began kissing softly there on the sofa, and I just watched. Uncomfortable, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing. My cock was swollen, but not hard enough that I needed my hands on it. Watching them kiss and caress there in the early stage of passion seemed more surreal than sexy. I was somehow still unsure that I was there in this improbable fiction. Scott stripped off his bathrobe and reached for Dani's negligee in the same eager motion. "Leave it on," I said, surprised at the strength in my voice. Scott didn't look my way, but he was visibly tense. I heard Dani whisper, "I guess you're leaving it on." I grabbed my cock. Dani began to kiss Scott harder, as her hands clutched urgently at his body. Small mews escaped her lips here and there, calling me to gently start working my cock back and forth. I hoped her tit would somehow push through the negligee. It didn't, but my cock raged harder in my hand. Scott pulled Dani from the couch on to his lap. She sat high upon him, looking down at him with his face in her hands. Her body moved up and down in an ageless rhythm. Is she fucking him without a condom again? I wasn't sure if I was concerned for her or jealous. I propped up a little more. His cock was flattened out, the tip pointing beyond her tight and perfect ass. As she rode its length back and forth, I knew with a bit of work he would be inside her unprotected. I knew I would be. Pre cum pooled at my tip. Dani looked behind her at me. Her eyes were smiling playfully, but her mouth was too busy letting out a small groan of pleasure. She managed to spin around, her feet propped on the sofa on either side of Scott. From here, I could see she was still wearing the pink panties, another barrier between her and Scott's fuck stick. The muscles in her leg must have been working hard, as she refused to lower herself. She grabbed his hands and moved them to her tits over the negligee. She kept her hands there, mauling herself with his hands. Scott rocked his hips upward, grazing her panties with the tip of his cock with every pass. Dani's legs were quivering and her toes were curling. Finally, she gave in. She grabbed his dick and pressed it flat against her panties as she dropped down over its length. "Ohhhh, Scott," she whispered. "You're so big." In the next moment, Dani and I found our eyes locked again. "You feel so good," she whimpered. Oh, god. She said that for me. And if she didn't, my cock didn't know better. I felt my balls heating up too fast and my cock throbbing too hard in my hand. I let go, lying back on the bed again in frustration, willing myself not to cum too quickly. I wasn't a minute man. I was a man of stamina. I cupped and tugged at my balls while sitting back up, feeling the threat of early orgasm fade for the moment. Dani was grinding urgently, her pussy soaking through the panties. Her eyes were closed tight. Her mouth was hung open. Her chest was flush red. I knew what was happening to her. "Yeah, baby," I encouraged her from my spot. "Yes, oh, yes, Scott," she began to fuck along the length harder and faster. "My cock feels good, doesn't it," Scott growled, taking Dani by the hips. Dani answered in a groan, pressing his cock hard against her pussy. Her muscles tensed as she clung to a rushing orgasm. A moment later she was still. "I love when you cum on my cock, Dani," Scott whispered, kissing the back of her neck. Oh, yes, he was showing he was a prolific lover. Well, he probably always was. But my mind was beginning to forget about Scott entirely, focusing everything on Dani. She slipped off him, grabbed him by the hands and walked him to the other side of the bed from where I was lying. "We're going to make love in the same bed as him," Scott asked uneasily. Dani said nothing, but seemed to smile up at him before kissing his cock. I leaned back down, turning on my side. Once more, my hand was idly on my cock. Dani was a vision from here, her back to me. Her hair was tied up behind her, and I wanted to reach over and unleash it. I wanted to watch it splash over her shoulders as she began to bob her head back and forth in earnest to Scott's delight. I wanted to wrap my legs around her. I wanted to hold onto her breasts and see how hard I could twist her nipples in my fingers before she let out an "Oh, god." I wanted it to be my cock in her mouth. I closed my eyes to that image, returning to the business of pumping my cock. I groaned when I heard Dani say, "Are you ready to fuck me, Scott." "Oh, yeah," the real Scott grunted. "Good, I'm ready for your cock to be deep inside me. Scott. Hurry." Of course now my eyes were open. Dani was herself lying back on the bed beside me. Her hands were rubbing her body up and down while Scott busied himself with the condom. Was she talking to me? Of course she wasn't. But this was different than the conference room. When she looked at me in the conference room, I would wonder what she was thinking. Now, I could barely keep score of what I was thinking. My mind was becoming more and more lost in a fog of lust. When she spoke, it felt natural that it should be me to roll over and claim her body. My hand on my rock hard cock was strangely the only anchor I had to controlling myself, to keeping myself from dismissing the real Scott outright and taking my place on top of this beauty. Oh, and she was beautifully tempting. Her legs were spread wide, willing and inviting. She had lost her panties, and her puffy aroused pussy seemed to quiver. Her nipples poked against the sheer pink negligee. But when I was keyed into her face, my arousal was heightened. I loved the look of perpetual bliss when her eyes were half lidded and her lips were continually parted. There was a pure beauty watching her in the moment of lust. And somehow, fixated on that beauty, I managed to stave off exploding my cum against her side. It was fixation on this beauty that kept me from being horribly jealous of Scott when he crawled between Dani's ready legs, legs that reached up around his waist to pull his condom covered cock inside of her. "Oh, Scott. This is what I've been waiting for." On cue, I started masturbating in earnest, never to look back. Dani's arms pulled Scott against her, crushing her breasts against his chest. They grinded against one another in constantly changing tempo and rhythm. I matched the speed of masturbation to theirs, and even my technique. If they were engaged in a straight on pumping, my hand was yanking hard back and forth. If they got clever with a more circular technique, I twisted my grip around my shaft. Then I noticed Dani looking right at me. She wasn't pretending to look at Scott. She had her head turned to the side, watching me stroke myself. Even as her lips and moans echoed the pleasure Scott was giving her, her eyes were aroused by the action on my side of the bed. More and more lost in the fog of lust, the veil of separation was thinning and I wasn't sure that it wasn't me making love to Dani. Without taking her eyes from me, Dani whimpered, "I want you to take me from behind, Scott." "I want to see your eyes," he said. "No, baby. I need you. I need you deep from behind. Scott." I groaned. Scott disengaged, and Dani immediately turned over. When she did, she purposefully straddled my body, surprising me and swelling my cock even harder yet. She turned back to the real Scott. "Hurry. I need it. Scott, I need you." Scott did the only thing he could do. He took his position behind her and slid his dick deep inside her waiting pussy. Her body undulated above me, and my ass lifted upwards in vain to propel my cock where it wanted to go. Her brown eyes were locked with my blue eyes. Looking back on that moment, sometime later, I thought that I perhaps had managed to cuckold the real Scott without ever touching Dani's pussy. But in that moment, Scott wasn't there. It was just me and Dani. We were making love in a slow and tender pace, feeling each other out. My eyes traveled from her face to her neck to her breasts to her navel and back up again. Dani's eyes fluttered in defiance of the powerful orgasm that was slowly building up inside her. "I love it when you take me like this, Scott. Oh, god, so fucking good." Dani started to rock above me harder as the passion above me was reaching its peak far too quickly. My cock hadn't felt my hand ripping at it this hard since I was too young to know what to do with it. My body was arching up. Dani's body was arching back. I broke the rules. "Dani," I whispered, out of control of my actions. "Fuck me, Scott." I reached up with my other hand I touched her stomach. She tensed and gasped and looked at me with a warning I ignored. I grazed my hand upwards along her negligee, pulling it to one side and freeing her small but perfect breast. "Oh, God. Scott, please." "Does it feel good, Dani?" the real Scott panted. His hands were on her hips and he wasn't holding back, fucking hard in Dani like a machine. "Yesssss," Dani replied in the moment that I finally had my hands on her tit. Better than I dreamed. I rolled her nipple hard in my fingers. I pulled at my cock. I thrust my body up from the bed. I fought to keep my eyes open. "Scott. Scott. Scott," Dani growled in louder succession. Somehow, she managed to keep her eyes open as her head tilted back and her muscles tensed up. Scott found the power to fuck harder and faster. I yanked. "Ohhhhh, feels so good." Scott came with a series of barbaric grunts. "Yesss," Dani moaned. I came. I erupted. Rapid shots of cum blasted against Dani's stomach. "Dani, god, Dani," it was my turn to moan. Dani's moan joined mine through Scott's waning thrusts. I released her nipple but not her breast, finally closing my eyes. All of us panted, spent. I was aware of Scott pulling his dick out from Dani, and in the moment she was released, she collapsed against me. That was as much heaven as the powerful orgasm we had just shared. I took in her smell and the delight of her sweaty body pushed against mine. Even the feeling of my hot sperm being massaged back into my skin seemed right. I remember most the weight of her breast against my chest. My hand massaged her scalp. Her lips were soft with the tiny kisses she put on my neck. As we came down together, I was acutely aware of her wet pussy pushing against the base of my cock. I was still hard. "Are we done, here," Scott was trying not to whine. He was trying to play it cool. "Mmhmm. I think so," Dani managed to say, keeping her face nuzzling into my neck with those soft little kisses. "I'll meet you back in the room," Scott said, finding the bathrobe. "In about a minute." And he left. Dani lifted up slightly, separating her breast from my chest, but grinding harder on the base of my dick. She poked my nose with her finger. How cute was that? "You broke the rules," she smiled. Degrees of Separation "You didn't mind," I told her. "Are you in trouble," I gestured to the door Scott had left by. "I hope so," she grinned wickedly. "I have a feeling he and I are far from done, tonight." "Neither am I," I said as huskily as I could, grabbing Dani's ass and pulling her tight against me. My cock was far from being lined up with her pussy, but a little grinding could change that. Dani was thinking about it, or so her eyes told me. And the way she was biting her lip. And the way I felt her pussy seem to pulse over my balls. I wasn't going to stop her. I was going to let it happen. My dick was ready to go for another round. Dani's brown eyes found focus and she rolled off of me. "I hope you like my gift, Vincent," she smiled, using my real name for the first time. "Loved it," I whispered. Soon she left, leaving me alone in my room where sleep seduced me faster than I expected. I always wonder about that final moment with Dani. I wonder about tearing through the final veil of separation. I wonder about if I had taken command of that moment and turned Dani beneath me. I wonder if she would have yielded, or if I would have become a rapist. I wonder about the consequences of the primal unprotected sex we might have had. I was never after that moment jealous of Scott. I figured I had something with Dani he never would. An amazing sense of wonder.