6 comments/ 76703 views/ 16 favorites Surrender to Love By: yukonnights PREFACE As many of you know, I have written elsewhere about how I came to acknowledge my bi-sexuality. A lot has happened since that fateful night when my wife Sylvia, my best friend Randy and I engaged in our first sexual encounter together. Randy was then, and is now, more than a friend. He is someone that both Sylvia and I love. After our first night together in a sexual way, that love continued to grow and evolve. Eventually we all decided that Randy should move in with Sylvia and me. We have lived together ever since. The most unexpected thing that has occurred in this relationship is how the love between us all has grown and developed. In particular, this story details some of the events and emotions surrounding the discovery and acknowledgment of the love between Randy and myself. You should know that Sylvia and Randy began to realize the growth of a personal love between the two of them a year or so before he and I acknowledged that a similar love was developing between us. Their relationship matured in the same way as between any man and woman who are falling in love. At times it was difficult for me to be aware of the growing feelings between them and still be strong enough to encourage them to explore and build this special bond. To be honest, we were all a bit apprehensive in treading this path. However, that was only unwarranted fear that somehow one of us would end up as the odd person out of the relationship. So, through many conversations about this we forged ahead, as each of us tried to understand and experience this newly discovered relationship in all of its fullness. This is all difficult to describe in words, love always is. But simply stated, while we all share in the mutual love of the marriage, at the same time we love and cherish each individual in his or her own special way. On one level, it was the discovery of a separate love between Sylvia and Randy. On another separate level, Sylvia and I continued to have our own special love between just the two of us. And as we were to discover, Randy and I would also find that we were destined to have a separate love as well. However, in order for this love between men to grow, the two of us would have to work through our conflicting emotions in much the same way as we did when we first accepted our sexual attraction to one another. One final thought; what you will read here are only my remembrances and emotions. Surely Randy has different recollections. Sylvia also would be able to give another perspective. Perhaps one day they will write down their own memories. We hope that you enjoy our story. We also hope that our story can be an encouragement to others who believe that there is love enough in our hearts for many people. We only need to learn to control our fears and jealousies and then treat each one with the love, kindness and respect that we desire for ourselves. -- Yukonnights ************************* Sylvia kept up her teasing to the last minute. She knew that neither Randy nor I had any intentions of traveling with her to Spokane to spend a week with her and her sister. But she was having fun telling us how bored we would be and what we would be missing. Randy and I played along and had some fun ourselves as we teased her about the things she would be missing with us during our week at the cabin. Actually, if this were not such an obligatory trip for her, she would be going with us. However, she had put off seeing her sister for too long and the cabin was something we all enjoyed many times a year, so with a sense of duty and acceptance she packed the last of her things and got ready to depart. Randy and I were also packing. It was late summer in Alaska and the weather could not have been nicer. We provisioned ourselves for a one-week stay, loaded the fishing gear and then strapped the canoe that would carry us into the remote cabin onto the top of the 4x4 Chevy truck. The last thing to put in the truck was Sylvia's suitcase and we were ready. We would drop Sylvia off at the airport in Anchorage and then head out of town. It is about a two-hour drive to the end of the dirt road, and that would be the launch point for the boat. Then it is several miles across one lake, through a connecting stream, and halfway across another small lake to the cabin. It would be a long day before we would be resting in the remote wilderness that we all loved. It was still a few hours until Sylvia had to be at the airport and everything was packed and ready to go. Randy and I were leaning over the desk taking a last look at the fishing regulations. Sylvia came up behind me, wrapped her arms around my waist and in a pouting voice said, "I don't want to go after all. I'm going to miss you two and I'd rather go to the cabin". Turning into her embrace I kissed her, and trying to be sympathetic said, " You know that we would rather you come with us too. But I think you can live without us for one week, don't you?" With a sly smile, Sylvia lowered her hand to my crotch and replied," I don't know if I can do without this though," and reaching over to Randy, "Or this." Continuing to pout she added, "I love you both so much and can't stand the thought of being alone." As Randy joined our embrace he said, "We probably have time to at least give you something to hold you over for a few days. Does that sound good?" "I think so," said Sylvia. " I think I'm really going to miss this. It just dawned on me that I have never been away from both of my men for such a long period of time." Then finishing her thought in an even more serious tone, she added, "It's made me think more about how much happiness and love we all share together." Randy tried to comfort and reassure her saying, "You know we're going to miss you too. And you must know how much we both love you. It just won't be the same at the cabin without you." Then, to lighten the mood he asked, "What kind of something did you have in mind that might make leaving easier?" "I'm not sure, but I know I want both of you to fill me before I leave." Sylvia replied. "Don't you guys think we should take this to the bedroom?" I asked. My cock was already swelling as we walked to our bedroom. As we passed down the hallway I asked myself how many times had we made this journey since that first time? Too many times to count, was the answer. While I was trying to remember how many times we had made this trip, Randy was obviously thinking more in terms of what this one would entail. As soon as we were in the room, he picked Sylvia up and tossed her on the bed. She was passive as he held her arms down and kissed her mouth. He then pressed his full one hundred and ninety pounds down on top of her and kissed her again. "So, it seems that we all need something really special as a going away present." Randy said. Looking at me he continued, "Aaron, help me strip her. She has been hinting at how she wished she could be filled by both of us and I think this would be a great time to make that wish come true. Don't you?" Not needing to be asked twice, I started stripping off Sylvia's shoes and pants. Meanwhile, Randy was roughly removing her shirt and bra. Sylvia simply submitted herself to her "rape" and lay passive as we took her clothes off, leaving her naked and exposed. We both quickly removed our own clothes and returned to our lady. The speed of Randy's assault had only allowed time for me to become partially erect. Randy on the other hand was obviously more than ready for this adventure to begin. His cock was swollen fat and hard. I think he had been planning this for some time and was now enjoying being in control. Sylvia watched him walk over to get some K-Y from the toy drawer as his beautiful tool led the way swaying in front of him. As Randy walked back over to the side of the bed her eyes were glued on him. My eyes however were devouring the creamy smooth skin and pink erect nipples of her breasts. Seeing Sylvia naked and spread on the bed was beginning to have the desired effect on my own swelling member. Sylvia startled me from my enchantment by saying, "Suck his cock Aaron! I want to have a picture in my mind of how you look on your knees sucking Randy." Without further coaching, I quickly went to my knees before him and he positioned his dick near my face so Sylvia could see. She loves to watch us do this and this time we both wanted to give her a special show. I brought my face close and began to smell and kiss all around Randy's cock and balls. He joined in and pulled my face tighter into his crotch and started grinding himself into me. Then he pulled away, and taking hold of himself, he slapped me several times in the face with his hard shaft. Sylvia said with growing emotion, "Suck it!" Taking his cock into my mouth as deeply as possible, I began to make loud and exaggerated sucking sounds. It was a nasty and very enjoyable show. My erection soon grew very full and I recall wondering to myself how it could get so hard just by the act of being on my knees and doing this. I would have been happy to continue, but Randy had his own plan. He pulled away, leaving my mouth empty, and told Sylvia to roll over on the bed. When she had obeyed, he said in a commanding tone, "Stick your ass up in the air and spread yourself open." Randy slapped the palm of his hand a couple of times on Sylvia's plump butt. He then bent forward and kissed the sting away and added a quick peck on the tightly closed hole that lay vulnerable before him. Finally he started to apply liberal amounts of the lubricant. Joining him beside Sylvia, we both started working the slick stuff into her tiny hole. First one finger, then two as she began to relax and open up to our probing fingers. Randy squirted a large glob of the gel into his work-roughened palm and reached over to stroke it onto my stiff cock. Laying the tube aside, he used his free hand to force Sylvia's face into the bed by pressing on her shoulders while saying, " Come on, open up...don't make us hurt you..." Finally his plan was becoming clear to me and we both increased our efforts to prepare Sylvia's ass hole to receive a swollen dick. When Randy felt that Sylvia was ready, he had her lay on her side. As he lifted her right leg up, he told me, " Go ahead, take her in the ass. She wants it." I took a position laying on my side and snuggled up tight to her back. My cock was so hard, and Sylvia's ass was so relaxed and lubricated, that the hard shaft penetrated her with almost no resistance. She was fully ready for this and it only took her a moment to get used to the large intruder. Soon she began to push into me wanting more. Slowly and smoothly I started to fuck her, first pulling all the way out and then pressing my cock back into her open hole as deeply as possible. We had only been going for a moment it seemed when Randy laid down on his back next to her. Grabbing her body in a strong grip, he pulled her away from me and onto himself, leaving Sylvia's butt empty and me humping into thin air. As Sylvia straddled him, Randy started to work his hard dick into her pussy. I got up and mounted her from behind and refilled her open and waiting ass. This had been his plan from the start. This was Randy's going away gift. With me now leaning heavily on her back and filling her butt, and Randy under her starting to fill her pussy, Sylvia was beyond control. She impatiently ground herself into Randy as he was gently trying to get more of his hard shaft into her. When she gets this worked up, she can become a bit wild. So to calm her thrashing, we held her still for a moment so that we could all get into a rhythm. It took a bit of practice, but we all soon learned to work together as first one and then the other would plunge into her and then pull back. I lost track of how Sylvia was doing and started to become lost in my own pleasure. The sensations in my cock were totally new to me. Imagine if you can the feel of a nice slick ass hole as it at first just accepts and then engulfs you. Then, the erotic mental stimulation of burying yourself in your wife's butt while another man is filling her pussy. The sounds of the moans of pleasure escaping your wife's mouth and the grunts of effort from the man fucking her begin to drive you into your own frenzy. Now add to all of that the unforeseen pleasure of feeling another man's hard dick rubbing back and forth against your own cock with only the thinnest membrane of female flesh between them. Surely you get the point, I was about to blow! Lucky for me this was also something totally new and exciting for Sylvia and she was about to blow too. I was trying hard to hold my climax so this could be her going away gift and not mine, but time was running out. It didn't help to stop pumping my cock into her ass because I could still feel Randy rubbing me as he rammed into her pussy. Then suddenly, and thankfully, it was over. Sylvia tensed her body and cried aloud, "Ohhh fuck.... Oh yes...fuck me!" as waves of her climax shook her. At the same time Randy's cock convulsed as he let go blast after blast deep into her belly. And finally, I relaxed and allowed myself to pump Sylvia's ass full of my pent up seed, all the while feeling Randy's hard shaft glide up and down my own as if he were milking the last drop from me. Oh what a wonderful wife and how I loved her! Leaning forward and kissing her shoulder I told her so over and over. ***** I reached over to turn the volume down on the CD player, and sat back trying to get comfortable behind the wheel of the Chevy. Looking over at Randy, I said, " That was some going away gift you orchestrated for our little lady, hope she recovers her composure before she gets down to Spokane." Randy grinned back at me and rubbing his crotch replied, " I hope I can recover before we have to unload all this crap and paddle that boat halfway across Alaska." "You should have thought of that before you made your big plan, genius." I shot back. "Besides, you should be more concerned about Sylvia. Did you see the way she was walking at the airport? I thought for sure that security guy was going to stop her. She looked like she must have a bomb or something in her shorts the way she was waddling along." We both broke out in laughter and Randy continued, "She got her wish though, she definitely has something to remember us by." After a short pause he added a bit more reverently, "and I guess we have something pretty special to help us remember her too." I looked at him again and smiled my acknowledgment to his sentiment. We were both a bit subdued now after our busy morning and the conversation slowly died down to just the occasional comment as we continued north along the highway to the cutoff at Trapper Creek. We had dropped Sylvia off at the airport a little over an hour ago and were now about halfway to our destination. After stopping for gas and a quick lunch, we both began to get a second wind. I resumed the driving duties while Randy controlled the music, sodas and snacks. We were both getting more excited now about the trip ahead of us. Randy became more animated and comical, telling jokes and poking fun at me as we drove along. His blue eyes were alive with sparkles. I had always thought him to be a strikingly attractive man, and today even more so. He looked the typical Alaskan outdoorsman in his brown Carhart pants and camo hunting shirt. His black hair was sticking out a bit wildly from under his cap and the trimmed beard all combined to paint a picture of masculinity. In fact, we both were just typical Alaskan guys. There was only that one small thing that differentiated us from the many other men in this rugged place, the fact that we shared the same wife...and each other. Thinking along these lines I asked him, " Do you ever wish that you could be more honest with everyone about our relationship? You know, like let everyone know about your life with Sylvia and me." Turning down the music, Randy answered, "I think about it a lot, more and more as time passes. It just seems like people wouldn't understand though. Do you think they would?" "No, most of our friends wouldn't understand at all." I replied. "But, sometimes I'd like to tell them and see if any stayed around." After a pause, Randy finished my thought with, "Probably only a few of them would." "You know what I think about sometimes?" Randy asked as he turned his body more towards me. I motioned with my head for him to continue. "What would it be like to walk down the sidewalk in downtown Anchorage holding hands with you on one side and Sylvia on the other? It would be fun to do that so everyone could see us all together." I smiled at him and said, "That would probably be fun for about one minute before things started to get ugly." "I know, that's why I've never done it." Randy replied somewhat subdued. "Still, it's a nice thought." We were quiet for a while as these thoughts played through our minds. Then, Randy continued his thoughts aloud, "You know, those gay guys who are really outspoken and open about being queer... well I've come to have a new respect for them. It's not easy to go against the tide like that. Hell, we're both queer and we don't have the courage to do that. I can't really see myself ever being one hundred percent honest about this." He sounded a little desperate at the end of his confession. Trying to reassure him, I said, "You shouldn't say your queer. Don't they say that bisexuals and queers are different? It doesn't matter what we call it though. We know. You, and me, and Sylvia, we know how we feel towards one another and it doesn't matter what we tell anyone else, or what they call it, or what they think." Getting frustrated at my own lack of comforting words, I said in anger, "It's none of their damn business anyway." Still upset, I added, "And if anyone does find out, screw 'em! I could care less. If it ever turned into an issue, we could just move to another place where no one knows us and start a new life totally out in the open. For now, we can only go one step at a time." Randy sighed and hung his head. It made me angry to see the transformation in his eyes. He had gone from being alive and sparkling with happiness to this subdued quiet. I wasn't angry at him, but at the world in general. Angry because this change was brought about by fear of what others might think about his relationship with Sylvia and me. "Your right." Randy said, "But sometime it seems to me that what we have will end and I will be left all alone again." After a brief pause, he continued, "And as far as I'm concerned, my feelings toward you and what we do together is queer. At least it's what most people would call queer. Never thought I would say this, but I'm ok with that. In fact, I've never been this happy in my life. It's just that the thought of being alone scares me. And if you and Sylvia ever left me, I don't know how I would deal with all of this." I had never heard him talk of these things before, but it was clear from both his words and his anxious tone that he was disturbed. I realized for the first time that Randy was insecure in the relationship we all shared. I didn't fully understand his concerns, but it was obvious that he had spent a lot of time thinking about this and was finally expressing some hidden fears. Not knowing what to say, I was quiet for a moment trying to think of something that would help him. "Randy, listen to me. We have all gone into this relationship with our eyes open. Sylvia and I didn't ask you to join our marriage lightly. You know that we would never hurt you and we believe that you will never hurt us. I have to trust that neither of you will ever get tired of me, and you have to do the same thing. That's all we can do, it's all just trust." I said all of this with my eyes focused on the road in front of me so that Randy would not see the emotion building behind them. Surrender to Love "I don't know." Randy said as he rubbed his forehead with his fingertips as if this was all too much to understand. Then as if on cue he added, "I just don't understand all of this." "What exactly don't you understand?" I asked. "I can't even make enough sense of what I'm feeling to tell you. Let's just drop it. Ok?" Randy said this and reached over to turn the CD volume up again. As we continued in silence down the highway I knew that my words had not expressed my own feelings very well nor had they given any answer to Randy's questions. But I couldn't quite say that I understood all of this either, or that my confident sounding talk had not been a cover for my own questions. I silently mulled over all that we had talked about and tried to put my finger on what was eating at me. When I glanced again at Randy, he had begun to nod off. He would fall asleep and then as soon as he relaxed he would jerk his head back up. "Hey, wake up." I said Randy jerked his head up saying, "Huh, I'm awake. What's the matter?" "Nothing." I answered. "You're nodding off over there. Why don't you lay down and get some rest?" "I'm okay." Randy replied, "Just been a busy couple of days and a lot on my mind. I'm just a little wiped out I guess." "That's why you should lie down and get some rest while you can," I countered. Finally convinced, Randy laid his head on my lap so he could stretch out at least a little better and take a short nap until we got to the lake. As he slept, I gently touched his hair and caressed his neck at the back of his head. Not enough to awaken him, just enough to allow myself the pleasure of a reassuring touch. How nice it was to have him sleeping in my lap. After awhile though, I found myself facing conflicting emotions. These feelings were the same type of feelings that I have with Sylvia. Gentle and tender feelings that I had never associated with Randy or any other man. For some reason there didn't seem to be a place in my brain to store these new feelings. I drove on in silence, trying my best to not dwell too much on all of this. ***** The canoe was finally loaded. The last thing to do was to grab the 12-gauge bear gun from the truck, lock the doors and shove off. I pushed the small craft into deeper water, jumped in and took my place in the stern. We still had a couple of hours of steady paddling ahead of us before we reached the cabin. Luckily, the weather was calm and not too warm. Soon the quiet and solitude of this remote piece of Alaska began to work it's magic. How quickly the frantic pace and noise of civilization faded away. We crossed the first lake in a little under an hour and reached the "no-name" connecting stream that would take us into our lake. This was actually my favorite leg of the trip because the stream was crystal clear, slow flowing and full of a variety of fish. We usually delay awhile through here to try our luck and today was no exception. We had planned to catch our supper here on the way into the cabin. The fat rainbows were almost too easy. This time of year they are such gluttons for the roe that they feed on during the salmon runs, it almost seems a crime to catch them. In fact, in the streams closer to the roads and towns it is illegal to use this method. But here, it just makes for awesome fishing. We both caught and released enough of the trout to satisfy our "fishing fix" for one day, saving a couple of them for the frying pan. As we began moving again, we entered the part of the waterway that saw few visitors. It was getting far enough in so that the only ones who persevered were those who knew what lay ahead and had a reason to go. This was when it always seemed to me that we were truly getting away. It was as quiet as a sepulcher, except for the occasional buzzing of an insect or the scolding of a squirrel challenging us as we stole by. The heavy scent of late summer hung in the air, with the pungent smell of ripe high bush cranberries overpowering everything else. With just a little imagination, I could envision us being the first men to ever explore here. There was nary a trace of humanity except for us and our small canoe. The stream was narrow and winding, but deep and easy to navigate. The forest closed in on both sides with large birch trees arching their canopy over our heads. The white trunks of these sentinels of our paradise stood rank upon rank, fading into a blur of gray-green forest beyond the stream. After passing through this imposing guard, our lake opened up almost as a surprise. Sylvia and I had first come to this lake during the winter of 1984 to lay claim to a piece of the open entry land that the state of Alaska gave to those who were willing to do the work required to survey and file a claim. We had learned that the state was going to soon be making changes to the land program and we didn't want to miss the opportunity. A close friend had flown us in to the frozen lake in late February and landed on the thick ice with his ski equipped bush plane. We spent a week camping in the sub-zero weather finding, surveying and staking the 20-acre parcel that would one day be our home away from home. Over the years we had built the cabin overlooking the lake that Randy and I were now going to. Through hard work and effort the place was much more than a rustic cabin. In fact, we had created a very livable and comfortable home. The only draw back is that I never want to leave it once I am there. As peace continued to settle on me, my thoughts returned to the conversations with Randy from earlier in the day. The day so far had developed much differently than I had anticipated. Our outings for fishing, hunting and camping had always been light-hearted adventures. Randy's solemn demeanor was very unusual and out of character. He had opened up and expressed some of what was weighing on his heart, but I didn't know what to say or do to help lighten the load that my friend was burdened with. Slowly paddling from my place in the stern of the canoe, I watched his strong back as he worked. Smoothly and skillfully Randy dug his paddle into the quiet water as we slipped along without a sound. What would I do, I asked myself, if it were he who decided to leave our relationship? Suddenly a new emotion was welling up from somewhere in my chest. Not willing to face or accept it, I forced myself to look away and try to think of other things. This was turning out to be a very confusing day for both of us. ***** By the time we had unloaded the boat, opened up the cabin, prepared and eaten supper, cleaned up the dishes and put the cabin in order, we were beat. It had been a long day. That alone would account for how tired we were, but the overall tension between the two of us was also beginning to take its toll. The ups and downs of his mood and my own conflicting thoughts finally caught up to me and I was a bit short with him. It didn't seem like anything serious, we were both just tired. I thought that a good nights sleep would bring things back to normal. Randy however took this all in a more personal way. As the evening went on, he became more quiet and aloof. Finally, as we were getting ready to take a quick sponge bath before bed, the tension snapped into an argument. When I said, "Here let me help you with that" offering to sponge his body in an effort to thaw the ice that had built between us the past few hours. Randy snapped back, "No thanks, I can bathe myself. Been doing it by myself for a lot of years without your help." "Fine." I said and abruptly turned away from him, my own anger rising. "You can bathe your own cock if you want something to play with." Randy retorted. The argument and tension unsettled me, so I grabbed my jacket and went outside to cool off awhile along the shoreline of the lake. The almost full moon was just coming over the treetops and the loons were starting their nightly chorus. Summer was gradually slipping into autumn and darkness was once again returning to the land of the midnight sun. Soon the gentle breeze and the peaceful night began to calm my nerves. I laughed in realization of how silly and childish we were acting. Just like two little children squabbling because we were too tired to stop playing and go to bed. I turned back toward the cabin. It would feel good to apologize to Randy and get into bed with him for a well deserved, and needed, nights rest. Entering the door, the first thing I saw was Randy with a sleeping bag on the floor in front of the fireplace. Hurt, but hoping to patch things up, I said, "Randy, you don't have to sleep on the floor, the bed is big enough for us both." In fact, it was big enough for three and it had held all three of us many times in the past. He ignored me and pretended to be asleep. "I know you're awake," but with still no response I asked, "Randy, what are you doing on the floor?" With anger still in his voice, Randy replied, "Just go to bed. I'm fine." "Okay, suit yourself. Let's just get some rest." I answered, and stripped to lie down in the big empty bed. ***** Upon awakening the next morning I was not rested. The night had been long and lonely. It had been a long time since I had slept alone with no other warm body to comfort me. Randy was already up and gone, his empty sleeping bag reminding me of the tension of last night. While dressing I contemplated a quick bite of breakfast, but decided instead to just make some coffee and wait for Randy to return to the cabin. Perhaps he had just gone outside to take a piss. Randy had still not returned after two cups of coffee, so I left the cabin to walk around the lakeshore and look for him. Another beautiful day greeted me as I stepped out the cabin door. The air was fresh and clean and the birds were already busy with their daily tasks. I looked around the clearing that surrounded the cabin, but saw no sign of him. Part of me was relieved that he was gone. The unusual tension between us was still on my mind. The last thing I wanted was to have this between us, especially out here where we usually had such fun together. But I really only had an inkling of what might be wrong. The conversation we had the day before about our unusual relationship was part of it. Perhaps also the strange feelings of tenderness that I had been having lately could be partially to blame. They were certainly making me feel awkward when I was around him and perhaps he had picked up on that. I wasn't really sure if any of this was the cause though, and even if it was, I didn't have a good idea as to how we should fix it. After walking less than a quarter of a mile, I spotted Randy sitting on a sunny sand bank at the edge of the lake. It was a nice spot. The outlet of a small clear stream that flowed through our property found its release into the lake at this point. Just above where he was sitting was a place covered with grass and flowers under a small grove of birch trees. It was a special spot for all of us and we often shared picnics there. Walking up to where Randy sat, I said, "Hey there, what'cha doing?" "Just sit'n and soaking up some sun", was the reply. I sat down next to my closest friend and looked out over the lake. The warm sun did feel good as it burned away the morning chill. Deciding to try and burn away some of the chill that was still between us, I turned to face him and said, "About last night." Randy put up a hand to stop me and said, " Don't. I've been sitting here all morning kicking myself in the butt over how I acted. You didn't do or say anything that deserved that." He paused and then continued, "The best thing to do is just say I'm sorry, let's put it behind us and enjoy our vacation." "Hey it takes two to tango." I replied, and then added, "It was a long day and we were both tired. It just seems like there is something else though. I don't know quite what it is, but there has been some kind of strange tension between us." Looking into his eyes I asked, "Don't you feel it, or is it just me?" "I feel it," Randy replied. "Actually that's what I've been thinking about all morning." "Well," I asked, "What is it?" "I'm not sure either," Randy answered honestly, and then added, "But I did come up with one thing." "What?" I asked. "This is the first time we have been together like this without Sylvia. Something feels different and it's hard to know how I should act around you without her being here," he answered. As soon as Randy had said this, I realized that he had put my own confused feelings into words. However, there was something more, something left unsaid. Not being quite ready to acknowledge that, I shrugged and replied, "Maybe that's it. But, we had a lot of good trips together before you moved in with us. Let's just be like we were then." "That sounds good to me," Randy said. Then, getting up, "I'm starved, let's go get something to eat." ***** The remainder of the day was pleasant enough. The fishing occupied our thoughts and we were both more relaxed by the end of the afternoon. We were also getting tired. So when Randy said, " I'm done for, you want to call it a day?" I didn't have to think before answering "Me too. Let's head for home." There wasn't much talk as we quietly paddled back toward the cabin. We had once again been stalking the fat trout in the little clear stream we had fished the day before. This time, we had done our fishing from the banks. It had been a good day as we fished our favorite spots in search of the biggest trout. Later, with supper done and the dishes washed, I asked Randy, "What do you say, we fire up the sauna and steam some the kinks out?" "Great idea," he said, "I'm ready for that." With that Randy grabbed a couple of towels and headed outside. "Hey," I called after him, "I've got a better thought. You get the fire going in the steam house and I'll put some water in the hot tub and start the fire for it too." "You got it," Randy answered, as he set to work. Now for those who don't know, traditional steam houses in Alaska are small and low log structures covered with earth for insulation. Very simple actually, but practical and efficient. It takes only a small fire in the cast iron stove to heat a pan of water. That and a sprinkle of the water every once in awhile on the surface of the hot stove itself, and soon the small space is both hot and steamy. It was this that Randy went to prepare. The hot tub that I had gone to "fire-up" was also a bit different. It is something we built many years ago from marine grade wood and epoxy. It requires no plumbing, pumps or electricity. We simply fill the tub with fresh water and build a fire in the specially designed firebox that sits surrounded by the water in the tub. Four inches of high-density insulation sandwiched between the walls keeps the water hot. A wooden grille at one end prevents anyone from touching the hot stove as the fire burns and heats the water. The ultimate in simplicity, but like the sauna, it provides a warm and cozy place to relax. Especially in the winter when we all sit together naked, warm and snug watching the snow gently drift down around our homestead. Soon both sauna and hot tub were ready. We stood outside the sauna house and began removing our clothes on the little porch. When I had suggested the sauna earlier it was actually only the thought of how good the heat would feel that had motivated me. But, watching Randy strip naked in front of me, it was my hunger for contact with him that began to become more important. As always, to see the manly beauty of his body caused a stirring in my loins. By the time my own pants were off, my arousal was obvious. I was actually a little embarrassed, for some reason reluctant to have him see the effect he was having on me. This was not the same shyness I had felt the first few times we had looked at one another naked. I had come to accept looking at Randy with sexual desire. Why then was I feeling this way now? Perhaps it was what Randy had said earlier, these feelings of arousal were happening without Sylvia. Her presence somehow had always made those feelings seem less personal, less about Randy and me and more about the three of us. But now we were just two men all alone. We stood there only a moment or two, but in that short time we both had become fully erect as we looked at each other's nude body. It was obvious that we hungered only for each other this time and not the beautiful woman we usually shared. We could do nothing to hide it, or stop it, and in the end I realized that there were issues here that we had tried to avoid. Randy's comment from yesterday still played in my head; "As far as I'm concerned," he had said, "what I feel for you and what we do is queer." "After you," I said, offering Randy the door in a nonchalant attempt to break the moment. His strong round buttocks parted slightly as he turned and stooped to enter the low door. My eyes seemed glued to the large sack between his legs that held such precious treasure. I followed him, and his treasure, into the hot and steamy interior. Soon we were sweating profusely, and the kinks and stiffness were melting away in the heat. Taking a washcloth and dipping it into the basin of soapy water, I began to bathe the day's grime from my body. Randy followed suit and the interior of the little space was almost overwhelming because of the moisture, heat and the scent of men. But we persevered. Seeing me struggle to wash my backside, Randy said, "Here, let me do that." I surrendered my washcloth to him and turned so he could scrub my back. It felt so nice to have his hands on me again. He gently, but thoroughly scrubbed my shoulders and back. Then waiting, wondering if he would continue lower, I was both anxious and then relieved when I felt the slick bar of soap being pressed into the crack of my ass. Lower and lower he went. We both were already on our knees in the low roofed sauna, so it was only natural for me to lean forward against the wall for balance and spread my legs for him. On the next trip down my crack Randy continued farther and took my balls and cock into his hand. I had already washed myself there but didn't protest as he began to soap and wash me again. Too soon Randy said, "Okay, now my turn." Removing his hands from between my legs, he turned around and received a similarly thorough washing from me. The heat was just starting to become intolerable when Randy shouted, "Man! I'm about to smother in here, let's hit the hot tub." Without further talk we both scrambled for the door. Once outside we took deep breaths of the cool fresh air. Somewhat revived, we grabbed the buckets of cold water that Randy had placed there and rinsed ourselves from head to toe. How good the cold water felt as it cooled down our bodies. At the same time it also cooled the burning fire of lust that had been kindled. So, with bodies and lust dowsed, we made a naked dash along the wooden walk and into the waiting hot tub. "Ahhh," both of us moaned at the same time as the warm water enveloped us. "Damn this was a good idea I had," Randy bragged. "What do you mean, the idea that you had?" I retorted knowing that Randy was a notorious idea thief. Then, not wanting to allow him the pleasure of trying to prove that he had thought of this, I added, "Ok, I'll give you the credit." We both laughed at the old and silly joke, but it was good to laugh together again. The hot tub soon lulled us into a relaxed and mellow mood. Cleverly, I had thought to set out a bottle of Chardonnay and two glasses when getting the hot tub going earlier. I reached over and revealed my surprise while saying, "I suppose this was your idea too." Randy smiled as he took his glass from me and said, "No Aaron, you can have the credit for this one." Then lifting his glass in a mock salute he said, "Cheers." Surrender to Love The wine melted away the last of the kinks from our tired muscles. We were now both completely relaxed and recovered from our day of fishing. The wine and the close contact of the last hour had also done a lot to erase the memory of the tension that had been between us. As we sat facing each other in the tub, Randy's leg began to rub against my own. It was a natural reflex to reach down and start massaging his feet. "Oh, that feels good," Randy moaned. The thought occurred to me that it was usually Sylvia sitting there getting her feet rubbed like this. It always gave me such feelings of tenderness and love to comfort her in this way. Now doing this for Randy, I realized that my feelings were the same. But this time, I didn't fight to stifle them. I had finally become weary from constantly pushing the thoughts and emotions away. Caressing and bringing him comfort was so much more than just a touch, it was a closeness of mutual love and care. It was an inner melting, an awareness of feelings long repressed and avoided. Continuing the massage, I was soon working on his calves. In order to rub both of his legs Randy had to lay them across mine. Soon we were thoroughly entangled and were gently touching each other in a most intimate way. The recently dowsed flame of lust sprang again to life and quickly built into an inferno as we used our feet to massage one another's erection. Looking up, I found Randy's eyes locked on me. It was one of those moments when words are spoken without sound and thoughts are communicated in some mystical way. We just sat there, not speaking a word. Arising from my place and straddling Randy's legs, I settled onto his lap. His stiff cock was like a welcoming friend as it pressed into my own. Without hesitation I lowered my mouth to his and we met in a kiss. The length of that kiss is lost in a blinding fog of memories, it seemed to last forever but at the same time it was only a flash. We had kissed before, but it was nothing like this. Before, it had been in response to Sylvia's prompting and born of sexual passion. It was just two men in the throes of sex snatching a kiss in passing. But this was something entirely different; this was a kiss of love. And it rocked me to the core of my being! Stunned, we finally tore ourselves apart. Randy started to say, "Aaron..." I quickly shushed him saying, "Don't...don't say anything." Hugging him tightly to me I added, "Don't try to say anything now... let's just be here... be here together for now." So we just sat there wrapped in one another's arms trying to absorb the new sensations and emotions as they coursed through our brains. The feelings were like some inner orgasm of the soul, beyond any ability to describe or understand. After a few minutes the shock of what had just happened began to ease. Still holding each other I said softly near his ear, "Let's get out and dry off." That was enough to release us both from the momentary paralysis we were stricken with. We quickly toweled ourselves, and helped each other dry off. Then, taking Randy by the hand, we walked toward the cabin. Dusk was settling over the surrounding forest. The late August sun was finally sinking into the northwest and another long Alaskan day was transforming itself into the radiant glow of an Alaskan night. The few clouds drifting overhead were being painted in the soft pastel colors found only in the far north. The delicately changing colors and growing stillness of the evening were a perfect reflection of the peace beginning to envelop me. Neither of us spoke. I don't think either of us gave any thought to saying or doing anything except to go as quickly as possible to the large bed. The bed that had been the stage for many an act of passion between the three of us. But tonight there were only two. I knew, and I think Randy did as well, that this was a special moment. One of those times in a person's life when events conspire to change the very fabric of one's being, changing forever how life is to be lived from that moment forward. Finally, at the side of the bed, we once again brought our nude bodies together. Our lips sought out their mate for another deep and passionate kiss. Randy's erection was already pressed against my own, but reaching behind him and cupping his butt in both hands I pulled him closer into me, thinking to draw him inside of me if only I tried hard enough. Breaking our embrace, Randy gently but firmly pushed me onto the bed and laid his body on mine. Another kiss on my lips and then he, and his kisses, began sliding down my body until his face was buried in the hair at my crotch. He continued the kissing and licking, but now it was my hard cock, my balls and my entire body that he devoured in frenzied lust. Suddenly it seemed that he had gone wild in his passion. Pulling Randy back onto the bed and subduing him in a strong embrace, I forced another kiss on his lips. The barriers and confusion of the last couple of days were being incinerated by the power of those kisses. The inner battle we had fought was being surrendered. The battle to deny the new and strange feelings that we had been unable to understand or accept was ending. It was a surrender of love, a surrender of acceptance. It was surrender to a love strong enough to envelop and bind two men together forever. Not the brotherly affection or mere sexual lust that we had known before, but the erotic passion that is known only to those who are in love. If we had stopped at this point, just the unveiling, the acknowledgment, the acceptance of that love would have been more than I could have ever hoped for. Finding the rare flame of such love in this world is reward enough. But as is always the case with such intense love, the heat from its flame within spread quickly outward to every limb, molecule and atom. It filled the entirety of our beings and it set in motion an inferno that could only be quenched in physical release. It was the physical that now took over, a physical need being pressed forward by something much greater. It was two men locked in the heat of a battle that neither had ever known before. A battle of sexual passion far beyond that of rowdy play or lustful sex, it was a battle spurred on and fueled by love. In this awakening, we began to see, and taste, and feel one another's bodies with a heightened awareness. Together on the big bed, me on my knees with Randy on his back under me, we lingered together, our mouths on erect nipples. We sucked the hard buds into our mouths and fondled one another's erections in unison, bringing the same intense pleasures to each other now as if our actions were somehow connected and controlled by a single thought. The sensuous vibrations that had started with soft tongues on delicate nipples quickly coursed though hidden nerves to the very ends of our engorged cocks. Wanting more, and also wanting to give more, I replaced the hand on Randy's dick with my mouth. Finding my nipple taken from him, Randy followed my lead and he instantly had me in his own mouth as we merged naturally into the pleasure of mutual cock sucking. What love I felt as we satisfied our inner hunger on each other's flesh! But I still wanted; no, I needed more. A need to somehow consume all of him swept over me. A need to posses my lover's body in the same way that he seemed to possess my soul. In search of this taking, my mouth began to explore Randy's balls as if I could somehow feed on them and thus know him all the more. In a final effort to have more of him, I moved from Randy's side to the bottom of the bed so my face could be between his spread legs. Oh such a sight, now I could see and have it all! Now it was my turn alone to be the giver of pleasure. But the word "alone" is not quite accurate, for in love there is as much pleasure to be the one giving as the one receiving. So in this sense, my mouth and tongue became instruments of love to bestow as much delight as possible to us both. I licked and sucked every surface of the sensitive skin that was laid open and exposed before me. There was no neglect as I worked from the tip of Randy's dick, down the vein covered shaft, across his balls and up the entire length of his open and revealed crack. I drove my tongue as far as possible into his tight little hole. This clearly pleased him and he lifted his legs higher and spread himself wide so that he could have even more of my tongue in his body. And as his arousal at having his body filled in this way built, so also did mine. Was it possible that we had discovered the way to fully posses and satisfy one another? As our passion intensified, so also did our indulgence. Randy was now on his knees with his head on the bed. He was holding his own butt wide for my ministrations, but when I tried to insert a finger he was still too tight. Randy gasped out, "I think there is some K-Y in the drawer." I hastily retrieved the lube and began to apply it to Randy's sensitive hole. Now it was easy to fully explore that which had been hidden from me. Wasting no more time in foreplay, I worked to open this passage into my lover. The gel worked wonders, and now several of my fingers slid easily into Randy's ass. He had submitted quickly and relaxed himself to my probing. We had engaged in anal sex before, but it had always been at Sylvia's urging. She was always more aroused by watching "her two men" humping than we were. But this time was different. This time I wanted to enter Randy's body more than anything I could imagine. More than anything I had ever wanted. He signaled by his actions that he too wanted and needed to be filled. We both longed to be joined in the most intimate union two men can know. Time now to rub some of the clear gel onto my hard penis. It was completely aroused, standing proud and stiff pointing towards my belly. I squeezed another liberal dose into Randy's open hole and worked myself into position behind him. It was a shock to me when Randy said, " No, Aaron stop!" He quickly rolled away and onto his back before continuing, "I want to see your face as you fuck me. I want to open my legs and feel you lay on top of me." In that moment I knew that what Randy had done was perfect. Perfect except for one thing. Expressing my thought aloud I said, "I'm not going to fuck you Randy. I'm going to make love to you. In the only and best way I know, I'm going to show you my love." "I love you too," Randy said in a hoarse and cracking voice that was barely recognizable, "and I want to show you my love in this way. I have never, and would never, let any other man do this to me. I'm giving you everything I have." "And I love you for it." I said, lowering myself onto him for another kiss. With a little arranging of pillows and bodies, Randy now lay under me open and vulnerable. He lifted his legs and held them wide as I positioned the head of my dick on his opening. Holding it firmly and pressing slowly into the one I treasured, I took care not to cause him pain. My concerns were unfounded. Randy was more than ready to be taken. He raised his hips to signal his need and readiness for me to enter into him with more vigor. Almost immediately we were rewarded with the initial joining of our bodies. It was easy now; and because of our passion, the liberal use of the K-Y and my rock hard erection, I was quickly buried to my balls inside of Randy's ass hole. If only my words could describe the emotions I felt as I first lowered my body into his! Words are inadequate though, at least my words are. Oh, what joy to be able to speak of the physical pleasure mingled with and intensified by the love in my heart. But how can mere words possibly describe the multitude of sensory pleasures and emotional highs experienced as I pushed myself into his open body? Or the sensations when his heat enveloped me as his arms first enfolded, and then drew me ever closer? Was it love, or was it lust that began to consume me as if to destroy me from both within and from without? "Ohhh," Randy moaned, as he felt the hardness of my body fill him. "Oh, Aaron, I love you so much." Then more urgently, "Do it! Fuck me...please...do me!" Laying my full weight on him, I started to rock and hump my hard cock into his ass. As if he had been doing this all his life, Randy returned my efforts and we quickly found ourselves in the age-old dance of men in love. No more inner conflicts. No more lies. Just the sharing of mutual adoration and caring between two individuals accepting the companionship and love that fate had brought into our lives. I could feel Randy's hard and swollen dick pressing against my belly as I rocked into him. I began to be somewhat concerned that he would not receive the ultimate bliss from our lovemaking. Then, his moans and movements signaled that he too was getting the stimulation that he needed to reach his climax. It was not only the hard shaft buried into his body, but also my muscled belly rubbing on his sensitive cock that was driving him crazy. Realizing that he too would cum, I relaxed and started to fuck him with abandon. He wrapped his legs around me and soon we were rocking the bed as we wrestled in our love. "Yes...Yes...Yes!" Randy repeated, alternating between, "Fuck me... Fuck me... Fuck me!" It was becoming almost impossible for me to hold it any longer! I didn't want to disappoint him, but I was going over the edge. In desperation I gasped, "Ohhh, I'm going to cum... I can't hold it...Damn it, I can't hold on..." Those words had a wonderful affect on Randy. No sooner had they escaped from my lips and he stiffened, and a warm wetness spread across my stomach as he moaned, "Me too, oh fuck me! Fuck me! I'm cumming, ohhh, fuckkk..." Randy held me tight as the waves of his orgasm rendered him helpless. Two more plunges thrust deep into his ass, and my own moan echoed his as I stiffened and emptied my love deep into Randy's body. My orgasm seemed to go on for an eternity as spasms of pleasure swept over me, each burst of my ejaculation emptying more of my essence into the willing and open man who lay under me. Then it was over, everything was done and we collapsed together as his sticky semen spread across our stomachs. We lay entwined as the strength drained and ebbed from our bodies like two dying warriors on some ancient field of conflict. Spent and exhausted, we had nothing left to give nor any desire to take. Instead of blood, it was our own seed that drained from us. And just like those ancient clashes had been fought in answer to some great cause, so too, our own struggle had lain to rest the inner conflict of our hearts. All had been resolved in the moment of climax at the surrender to love. ***** EPILOGUE The week Randy and I spent together in that remote sanctuary brought about a turning point in our lives. To write in detail of every word, thought and emotion from that week would perhaps be enjoyable for me, but I fear it would become tedious for my dear readers. Hopefully, what has been said provides you some insight into the intensity of what we discovered as we relinquished our fear of the unknown for the hope of love. In our surrender, we discovered a new depth in our relationship. What we had thought of as love before was not love at all, or at best it had been a growing love. During that week our hearts had been plowed open and something sweet and wonderful was planted in the wounds. Please do not judge us too harshly. I know that the lives we live and the love we share are not common. But, do we choose the ones we love, or are they chosen by some greater power and then presented before us to either accept or reject? Who can say? It is safe to say though, that I would have never imagined that it would be me to fall in love with a woman and another man at the same time. No, I myself would have been the one rushing to condemnation and judgment. But now, look who has been cut down by this strange love! Humbled, I can only ask forgiveness for my harsh judgments spoken in ignorance towards those who have known a similar love before me. And as for me, I will judge no more. So now I leave you with this: The love kindled in our hearts has sparked a fire that brightens and warms our souls on those long, cold and dark Yukon nights.