9 comments/ 24909 views/ 35 favorites Unrequited Ch. 01 By: city_bird "I love you," Caleb whispered, resting his head on Thom's heaving chest. He felt the hard body beneath him tense as his pliable form melted on top of it. Thom held his breath, not believing what he was hearing. Sure, Caleb was his friend. A damn sexy one at that. But love? "You...uhh... What?" Thom sputtered, not sure if he really wanted to hear it again. Caleb felt his stomach churn--as if someone were twisting his intestines around a fork like spaghetti. He squeezed his eyes tight, damming the impending flow of tears. His worst fears were being realized in this moment. Why did he have to say it? Why did he have to sleep with Thom? Did he really think that things were just going to unfold like in a fairy tale? Caleb sat up uneasily, not daring to look at Thom and slid his boxers up his legs and over his hips. He began to feel nauseated. This was all just too much. As he stood, the feeling in his stomach intensified. "Sorry," Caleb mumbled as he scurried off into Thom's bathroom. Thom watched Caleb's retreating back. He felt horrible about the situation, but it wasn't exactly his fault. He loved Caleb, but he loved him purely as a friend. Sex didn't necessarily equate to romantic love. Thom was racked with guilt. How was he supposed to know Caleb possessed such naiveté? Crouching on the cold tile floor, Caleb heaved into the toilet. It was as if his body wanted to physically purge him of his shame and humiliation. When he had finally emptied the entire contents of his stomach, he sat back on his heels, sobbing. He had to get out of Thom's apartment. He stood, his legs quaking beneath him as he walked unsteadily toward the sink. He rinsed the horrific taste from his mouth with a quick swig of mouthwash and hobbled out to the bedroom. Thom was still sitting on the bed, leaning back against the headboard, eyes red and raw with tears. He had just experienced a huge loss and now he was responsible for the loss of another. He felt desolate. Caleb tried not to focus on his tragically handsome face. He didn't want to look at him at all at this point. He soundlessly crept about the room gathering and donning his scattered items of clothing. "Caleb," Thom started. "Don't. Just don't," Caleb blurted as he wiggled into his shorts. "I know..." he said almost inaudibly, looking downward as he slid on his shoes. Neither man said another word as Caleb exited the bedroom and then the apartment altogether. Thom exhaled deeply as he watched him go. "I'm sorry, Caleb," he sobbed as he slipped under the covers. ----------------------------------------------- Caleb had known Thom for three years and he knew he loved the man from the moment their eyes met. Caleb was a freshman in college. A freshman drooling relentlessly over his psychology professor's graduate assistant, Thom. Thom was extraordinarily intelligent--something that had always been a huge turn-on for Caleb. Not to mention his looks. He looked like every nerdy-girl's (or in this case, artsy-boy's) fantasy. He was incredibly tall (but most people were in comparison to the diminutive Caleb) and his shaggy dark hair perfectly framed his flawless angular bone structure. His crystal-clear blue eyes shone like aquamarine behind his dark-framed glasses. He had this messiness and relaxed demeanor about him that offset his classically handsome looks. And it made Caleb absolutely weak in the knees. As if having to see this man and try to keep his jaw off the floor twice a week in class wasn't enough, every Tuesday and Thursday, Thom led a Psychology study group that Caleb just so happened to attend. Every day, Caleb found out something new about Thom and he hadn't heard a thing he didn't like. They shared all the same interests: art, music, science--Thom even had an appreciation of Caleb's off-the-wall fashion sense. He couldn't be more perfect. Caleb could feel himself falling deeper and deeper for the guy each day. One day, Caleb found himself to be the last student left in the room the study group occupied. He was sitting directly across from Thom, his heart beating like the wings of a hummingbird as the gorgeous and intellectual man laughed and talked with him. They had been having an in-depth conversation about the French rock-and-roll scene, their mutual love of Philip Glass and the aesthetic benefits of black and white photography, (all topics somehow surely tangential to the discussion of brain states they should have been having). "You know, we should hang out sometime. I don't normally socialize with undergrads in class, but you're...different. You've actually got an opinion. I can roll with that," Thom smiled widely, sliding his binder and laptop into his satchel. "Here's my number," he said, scrawling the digits in his elegant handwriting on the back of a white envelope he pulled from his bag, "Call me if you want to grab lunch or something sometime. Or if you need any help in psych of course," he added with another toothy grin. Caleb accepted his number with a vacant smile and a nod. He couldn't believe this was happening. "Uhh, Thanks! I'll call you," Caleb said quickly, blushing as he spoke. He stood and practically ran toward the door, "See you Tuesday!" He was head over heels. ----------------------------------------------- Though it took a couple of weeks, Caleb eventually got up the nerve to call Thom. He knew the invitation was simply friendly, but he couldn't help but be nervous about his own feelings for the man. They decided to go out for brunch to a little cafe whose scones Thom swore by. Over their tea and scones, the pair developed a wonderful rapport. Friendly conversation flowed almost as smoothly as the cream into their tea. And though Caleb was enjoying himself, he remained constantly tense, trying to instill his own agenda into Thom's words as he spoke. "I can't wait to see that film," Thom would say. 'I can't wait to see that film with you. Just me and you. Alone. Together,' Caleb would think to himself. He desperately wanted Thom to have the same feelings he knew he had for Thom. But hell, he didn't even know if he was gay at this point. What Thom said next was both a relief and a heart-crushing impediment for Caleb. The pair were discussing their favorite directors, Tarantino in particular. "I just think his visual style is incredible--so purely Tarantino!" Thom said enthusiastically. "Definitely. He's probably in my top five directors--if not my favorite. Absolutely genius!" Caleb harmonized, grinning brightly. Thom laughed heartily, "You should tell that to my boyfriend. He DESPISES Tarantino! I made him watch Grindhouse when it came out and he fell asleep halfway through Death Proof--in the theater! I just don't see how that's possible when..." Caleb couldn't hear the rest of what Thom said. He could only hear the sound of his heart deflating, resounding in his hollow ribcage. Boyfriend. God, he had a boyfriend. The most perfect man he had ever met turned out to be gay. And taken. The fates must surely be fucking with him. "You okay, Caleb?" Caleb heard the sound echoing in his ears, as if someone were shouting at him from the far end of a hollow cavern. It took a moment, but he shook himself from his misery, realizing it was Thom who was vying for his attention. Blinking his eyes rapidly Caleb focused on Thom's face. God, he was so beautiful. He wondered to himself if Thom's boyfriend ever told him so. "Sorry, just spaced, I guess," Caleb recovered, "Y'know, I should get going. I have class in about half an hour. We'll have to do this again sometime." Caleb kicked himself for adding that last part. He didn't even know if he could bear to do this again. To sit there and look at the man he knew he felt love for but couldn't have. To slowly torture himself. "Absolutely," Thom smiled, looking slightly concerned at Caleb's flustered state, "I'll call you." Caleb stood, nodded, and rushed out the door. ----------------------------------------------- Thom did call Caleb and after much thought and a few persuasive words from Thom, he gave in. They spent more and more time together, as weeks gave way to months gave way to years. They were going out for lunch at least twice a week and staying late to chat after the study group dispersed. Thom would come over to Caleb's (Caleb always refused and invitation to go to Thom's place. He didn't need to see that damned boyfriend.) for dinner and a movie. They became extraordinarily close. "Like brothers," Thom once said much to Caleb's silent horror. When Caleb came out to Thom in his sophomore year, Thom embraced him, singing praises of his honesty, and at the same time admonishing him for not telling him sooner. They grew closer and closer, getting on like a house on fire. But it was never enough for Caleb. After every meeting with Thom, Caleb felt increasingly dejected. He couldn't help but want more with Thom. Every time he saw that wide pearly smile, he would think of waking up, the early morning sun streaming through the windows and Thom's glowing face--that perfect smile stretching his features as he woke up in Caleb's bed. When Thom fell asleep on his couch (which he invariably did after a few too many glasses of wine), Caleb had to summon all his willpower to prevent himself from snuggling up to the warm and dozing man and burying his face in the crook of his neck. He couldn't stop himself from feeling the way he did about Thom, but he didn't want to stop seeing him. It was a merciless cycle that ate away at him bit by bit. One night while sleeping soundly and dreaming of the things possible with Thom only in the safety of his own fantasy, he was awoken by the sound of a vibration followed closely by a loud electronic chiming. Cell phone. Without opening his eyes, Caleb groped around on his bedside table grasping his phone and answering it. "'Ello?" Caleb croaked out, his voice thick with interrupted sleep. He was answered with the sound of a deep, shaky inhalation, "Caleb?" "Yeah." "It's Thom. I'm so sorry to wake you, but," his quavering voice was punctuated with another ragged breath, "I just kicked Julian out... Can you come over?" Caleb wasn't sure exactly what was going on. 'Okay. Thom? Got it. Kicked his boyfriend out? Okay. Got it. He wants me to come over?' he thought. "Okay. I'll just be a few minutes," Caleb said with a yawn as he rubbed the corners of his eyes, slowly opening them in the darkness of his bedroom. "I just need to get dressed then I'll be there." Caleb's response was met with a sniffle over the line. "Thanks, Caleb... I just need someone to talk to. I'll pay your cab." Then the line went dead. Caleb turned off his phone with a click as he slid his legs over the edge of the bed. He wandered to his closet, still half-asleep, and pulled out a quickly chosen outfit. He then tottered into the bathroom to give himself a once-over before getting dressed. He leaned forward, ruffling the white-blonde hair piled on top of his head. His bright green eyes still hadn't adjusted to the fluorescent lighting of the bathroom, and he squinted back at his reflection. Caleb took a step backward to look at his body. He had never liked the way his body looked, but other people seemed to enjoy it, so he didn't mind too much. His frame was slender and graceful, but he didn't look starved and bony, and was covered in a smooth and flawless ivory. 'Too short, too skinny, too pale,' Caleb thought as he slid on a tight pair of bright blue, knee-length shorts. The grey and white striped T-shirt he pulled over his head was about three sizes too big for his slight body, but looked almost elegant as it draped fluidly from his shoulders. He stuffed his feet into a pair of dark brown suede moccasins and with one final shake of his hand through his fair hair, he was out the door. ----------------------------------------------- Caleb wasn't sure how to feel as he approached Thom's door. He loved Thom so dearly, he would do anything to comfort him, but he couldn't help but feel relieved that this Julian guy was out of his life. He immediately scolded himself for having such thoughts, but it made them no less pertinent to his situation. Caleb rapped his knuckles softly on Thom's door and almost immediately he could her the clicking of locks on the other side. He had been waiting. As the door swung open smoothly, Caleb's heart broke for the umpteenth time since he had come to know Thom. Thom stood, dressed in just a pair of long pajama pants, his already normally shaggy hair a tangled mess. His eyes were bloodshot and still rimmed with tears. He was the dismal exemplification of despair. He sniffled quietly as he stepped aside, allowing Caleb entrance. Caleb stepped in and turned to watch Thom's unbearably slow movements as he closed and locked the door behind them. As Thom turned to face him, he motioned with a limp arm toward the sofa. "Have a seat," he mumbled, his blocked sinuses causing his voice to sound odd and flat. Caleb sat as Thom plodded into the kitchen, coming back with two glasses of ice water. "Thanks so much for coming. I know it's late," Thom said, sitting back on the sofa and taking a long sip from his glass. Caleb frowned slightly as he reached out to rest a hand on Thom's shoulder, "It's fine. I don't mind. Really. You know I'd do anything to help you." Thom tilted his head so it gently pinned Caleb's cool hand between the warm flesh of Thom's cheek and shoulder in a tender gesture. A silent thank-you. Caleb delighted in the affection he gave out so freely, but the doleful look on Thom's face kept his feet on the ground. After a moment of silence, Caleb felt as if he should initiate the conversation he was here to have. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly, his fingers fanning out against Thom's rough and unshaven cheek as he withdrew his hand. Thom looked down at his hands folded in his lap, "Yeah. I guess I need to, don't I?" Caleb didn't respond, he just waited for Thom. "Well, there's not much to say about it. I had gone to stay with my parents for the long weekend, and decided last minute to come back one day early. When I got back to the apartment, Julian was in bed with some other guy. I have no idea who it was," Thom said, sniffling once more, "I threw him out and I called you. And now you're here." Thom shrugged as he looked up at Caleb. Tears began to glisten around Thom's eyes again as they stayed locked with Caleb's. "It's just... We'd been together so long...five years...and... the idea that he'd just throw it all away... I mean...he might have been fucking around all along..." Thom blurted out, gasping between his sobs. "I gave him so much... I just wasn't enough..." Caleb was overwhelmed by Thom's anguish and pulled the other man into his tight embrace. "Shhh..." Caleb soothed into Thom's ear, "You deserve so much better than that Thom. You're so wonderful. I don't see how anyone could want anything more." Caleb felt Thom's warm tears soak through the soft cotton of his shirt as Caleb continued to stroke his back. "You're too good to me," Thom said, looking up at Caleb as his tears slowly began to ebb. "I'm so lucky to have you," he wrapped his arms around Caleb's waist and pulled him closer into a tight hug. The closeness started to get to Caleb, clouding his mind. Without thinking clearly, he tipped his head forward and planted a soft kiss on the top of Thom's head. "Anything you want," Caleb's voice ghosted over Thom's ear causing him to shiver. Thom's rapid breath slowed almost to a halt as he slowly moved his head back up to look into Caleb's eyes. Caleb was frightened, but Thom couldn't see it. He just wanted all this pain to go away. And Caleb looked so beautiful. Those pouty ruby lips surrounded by that soft smooth skin. His piercing green eyes and that adorable shock of silvery blonde hair. He admitted to himself for the first time that his close friend was actually hot. Really hot. And through the despair and betrayal, that was all he could see: that beautiful boy that wanted to make his pain disappear. 'Anything you want.' The words echoed in Thom's head. He knew what he wanted right now. Caleb gulped as he felt Thom getting closer and closer to him. This couldn't be happening. Thom closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around Caleb's neck, their faces a fraction of an inch apart. Caleb started to sputter out a question or a word of resistance but all was stifled by the feel of Thom's soft lips covering Caleb's own. It was the most tender kiss Caleb had ever experienced. It was so filled with hurt and need and utter vulnerability and, for Caleb, the purest love. Lights exploded behind Caleb's eyelids as the kiss deepened. He didn't want it to ever end. His arms circled Thom's waist, his fingers digging into the smooth flesh of his back as he used his insubstantial weight to pull Thom on top of him. Their bodies undulated together in an endless wave as their lips and tongues continued their constant exploration. Thom pulled back slightly, their mouths parting for a moment as the pair caught their breath. Caleb was relieved when he looked up into Thom's face and couldn't see regret. Just lust. Burning lust. This was comforting enough for Caleb, but maybe, just maybe, he reasoned, there was love buried beneath all that desire. That hope gave him enough drive to carry on. Panting, Thom looked down at Caleb questioningly, "Bed?" Caleb just nodded his reply. Thom scooped Caleb up in his arms and carried him the short distance from the living room to the bedroom. The moment that Caleb's long legs touched the ground, the men began shedding their maddening clothing. Caleb ran his long cool fingers over Thom's thewy abdomen lightly dusted with soft hair, his digits absorbing the details of his flesh and committing them to memory. Thom pushed the elastic waistband of his soft flannel pants off his hips with one hand as the other wandered its way beneath Caleb's shirt, working it up the younger man's slim body. As Thom's pajamas pooled around his feet, he tugged the hem of Caleb's soft T-shirt up and over his head, frustratingly blinding the smaller man for a moment. Caleb's eyes widened when his vision returned to the sight of the fully nude Thom, in particular, the thick length that twitched under the younger man's gaze. It arched perfectly upward, the head leaving shiny trails of pre-cum at every point of contact. Caleb unconsciously licked his lips. A mild chuckle shook him from his trance as he looked up at a now softly smiling Thom. His eyes were still red, but he had smiled. It was beautiful. Caleb walked forward and placed his hands on Thom's shoulders, pausing for a moment to look into that face before pushing him backward onto the plush bedding. Thom bounced back on the mattress as Caleb stood before him, green eyes sharply surveying his flesh. His eyes never leaving Thom's, Caleb began to slowly remove his shorts. He worked the fly open, one button at a time and slowly rolled his hips as he pushed the shorts down his smooth, pale thighs. He stepped out of them and stood in only his black boxers. With one hand, he turned down the elastic and dipped his hand into the waistband. He began to slowly stroke his achingly stiff flesh beneath the cotton of his boxers. He closed his eyes, his hips rocking into his hand, as he let out a soft moan. He slowly opened one eye and watched a Thom watched him, stroking his own imposing length. Caleb's mouth twitched a small wicked smile and just as quickly as that smile came and went, his boxers were on the floor. Caleb crawled onto the bed, straddling Thom's hips with his thighs. He leaned forward, supporting himself with his arms on either side of Thom's head, and kissed the older man with a sincere passion and intensity. As their tongues bathed one another, Caleb began to slowly rock his hips against Thom's. Thom's fingers traced the barely-there ridges of the young man's ribs and down further to gain purchase on the slim hips gyrating above him. It was heavenly in this moment--their bodies sliding against each other as they basked in the sanctuary of the other's warmth. Unrequited Ch. 01 Suddenly, Thom felt Caleb's delicate hand wrap around his thick shaft. He gasped into the young man's mouth as he felt that hand slowly stroke him. Caleb tucked his head into the crook of Thom's neck, licking and nipping at his jawline. "Lube?" Caleb whispered hotly into Thom's ear before nibbling softly on the upper cartilage. Thom shivered as he reached an arm out to his nightstand, opening a drawer and pulling out the small clear tube and placing it in Caleb's hand. Caleb flipped the top, applying a liberal amount to his hand before reaching down to grasp Thom's cock once more. He let his hand slide over his length, Thom's soft moans and whimpers spurring him on. He ran his thumb lightly over the sensitive frenulum just beneath the head and was rewarded by a sharp hissing intake of breath from Thom. "Please," Thom gasped, his chest rising and falling at an alarming rate. Caleb raised himself slightly, positioning Thom's flesh at his waiting entrance. Thom's hands still rested on Caleb's hips, his thumbs rubbing slow little circles over the sweet little hip bones that moved beneath Caleb's smooth skin as he tried to keep his breathing at a manageable pace. Sitting bolt upright he began slowly work his way down. He could feel that massive cock pressing against him and he let out a loud gasp as he bore down. He could feel himself stretching to Thom's gigantic proportions, his body burning and aching around the slick flesh that filled him so completely. Thom's grip on Caleb tightened as his body tensed from his head to his toes, his breath leaving him as Caleb's soft heat enveloped him, clinging to every inch of his intruding cock as if he would never let go. Caleb wiggled down once more and was rewarded with the comforting feeling of the soft curve of his ass meeting with the heated flesh of Thom's lap. Caleb stayed like this for a while, his eyes shut softly as his full pink lips parted to make way for his overjoyed little gasps. Caleb opened his eyes slowly to find Thom looking right back at him, a small smile playing across his lips as his eyes took on a soft, tender look. Caleb's heart melted. He knew it was love. It had to be. Caleb slowly began to rotate his hips around Thom, delighting in Thom's sharp whimpers and groans, the sharp pain burning inside him driving him on. He braced his arms against Thom's chest as his slow rocking turned into full steady thrusts of his hips down around Thom. Thom's hands began to roam all over the lovely young man above him, stroking his sides, brushing against his perfect pink nipples, soothing his reddened cheek, gripping the perfect smooth ass that bounced against his hips. "Uhhh... Is it good? Oh fuck... You like it?" Caleb moaned out, halting his rapid thrusts and slowly grinding down hard in Thom's lap. Caleb felt as if he could never have enough of Thom inside him. He lost himself in the touches and caresses--the true loving intimacy of it all. His body ached with pleasure and his mind reeled with bliss. "Fuck yeah..." Thom whispered, "You feel so good." Thom's hands returned once more to Caleb's hips, his knuckles turning white as his grip intensified. "Fuck... You're so fucking hot...oh GOD!" he bellowed, wrapping his arms around the wildly undulating Caleb and slathering his torso in licks and wet kisses. "Hard as you can... Please... More..." Caleb whimpered as he continued his circular writhing. Thom began to sharply thrust his hips upward, his cock pounding into Caleb stroke afters stroke. Caleb cried out, his soft moans and mewls escalating into a guttural howling as he dug his fingernails into the sweat-slick flesh of the back of Thom's neck. Thom continued his rapid movements with force as if driven by an insatiable lust. "Gonna cum..." Thom groaned, slipping a hand around Caleb's neglected and aching flesh, "Cum inside you, Caleb." Thom managed two rapid strokes to Caleb's cock before Caleb beat him to the punch. Caleb's thin body convulsed almost violently as he let out a strangled gasp of Thom's name. His cum covered both their bodies and flowed over Thom's still-stroking hand. Thom felt every muscle in Caleb's body tense, his ass clenching around Thom's cock as he continued to thrash and moan. "Caleb!" Thom cried, his hips stilling as his cock pumped stream after stream of cum deep inside Caleb's quaking body. "Oh, fuck..." Thom panted, falling back on the bed and pulling Caleb down with him. Caleb absolutely glowed as he rested his cheek on Thom's shoulder. He had waited so long for this moment and now that it was here, it felt so unreal. He moved his head down over Thom's heart, listening to the frantic thumping until it began to slow. The two just stayed like that, not saying a word, just enjoying the utter tranquility of the moment. Eventually, Thom began to soften and as Caleb shifted his weight on top of him, he slipped out of the sanctuary of the young man's body. Caleb stifled a whimper of dismay and looked up into the face of the man he knew he loved. "I'm glad you came over tonight," Thom said with a smile as he ran his fingers through Caleb's messy tow-colored hair. It looked almost silver in the light of the street lamps outside. "Me too," Caleb murmured, lifting his head up and studying Thom's serene face. A small spell of comfortable silence fell over the two for a moment. "I love you," Caleb whispered, resting his head on Thom's heaving chest. "You...uhh... What?" Unrequited Ch. 02 Caleb lay on his side as he sleeplessly stared off into space. His eyes followed the particles of dust that occasionally danced through the light of the small bedside lamp that cast a dim yellow glow across the sparse furnishings of his cramped bedroom. He watched as each speck swirled and hovered in and out of his field of vision. He curled up, tucking his knees beneath his chin as a slight shiver wracked his body--partly from the autumn chill that flooded his small apartment and partly from the desolate feeling emanating from the gaping hole in his heart. Caleb felt lost. He had tried crying. Hell, he had even tried throwing up again. Nothing could ease the pain he felt. Nothing could hide his shame. Nothing made him feel any less alone. So he just stayed in bed, eyes wide open, trying to force his mind out of thought or into sleep. He reached over to his nightstand and turned on the FM radio built into his too-large orange plastic alarm clock. He tuned away from any actual broadcasts, instead opting for a soothing rush of white noise. To anyone else but Caleb, this would probably seem cacophonous and irritating, but for him, it was like a current--like an auditory undertow in the atmosphere that would pull him down into the depths of sleep. He buried his head under his pillow and let the static carry him off into what he hoped would be a dreamless sleep. He had no such luck. Caleb slept soundly, but not comfortably, dreaming of nothing but that face, streaks of tears and bloodshot eyes marring the utter handsomeness that was Thom. Those crystalline blue eyes looked into his, filled with regret. Oh god, he regretted it. Thom's face filled Caleb's mind. He could make out perfectly the angle of his sharp nose. The smooth point of his cupid's bow and the pillowy soft lips, now cracked and chapped. The wash of scruffy stubble that painted his cheeks and the curve of his jaw. The soft dark hair, more of a mess than usual, begging for Caleb to run his fingers through it. Then he looked into those eyes. The eyes normally somewhat dulled by his glasses, now shone with a brilliance that would be almost difficult to look at if they didn't possess that sparkle that was guaranteed to draw you in. Even when surrounded by red halos, those eyes were stunning. Caleb looked in silence as Thom's eyes slowly closed, dark lashes fanning out across his cheek. When Thom's eyelids opened again, gone were the tears and inflammation. It was like being in the eye of the storm--complete calm. His eyes glimmered with their regained clarity as the corner of his mouth turned up in what looked like a small, kind smile. Caleb watched in slow motion as those now smooth and soft lips parted and Thom drew in a breath. Absolute serenity. "I love you too," Thom whispered, still smiling. ----------------------------------------------- Caleb awoke with a start. His breathing caught in his throat as he fought through the murky depths of his heavy sleep and taunting dreams, to the surface. He couldn't do this anymore. He was going insane. He sat up with a struggle, the twisted sheets wrapped around his sweat-coated body like a Chinese finger trap: the harder he struggled, the more he got stuck. Calming down, he slowly extricated himself from his prison and sat on the edge of the bed, looking out the window. The city was bathed in a warm orange glow as the sun began to set. "Fuck..." he groaned aloud as he rested his head in his cold and clammy palms. One entire day had gone down the drain. Twenty-four hours he could never see again. And he didn't even want to think of the years he spent completely infatuated... And it was all due to his stupidity and credulity. Those moments (especially the last few) with Thom were some of the best of his life. But now--now they meant nothing. He reached out a hand to his nightstand and unplugged his charging cell phone. "29 missed calls." Looking at the list of unfortunate callers, his friend Elliott had phoned three times. The other twenty-six? None other than Thom Glass. "Fucking wonderful," Caleb groaned, clicking off his phone as he shook himself physically, running one hand through his hair. He couldn't stay like this. He had wasted so much of his life up to this point hung up on Thom, he wouldn't let himself waste a minute more. And twenty-six attempts at telling him "I thought you knew we were just friends!" wasn't exactly going to fucking help. He stood, stretching his stiff limbs in the fading light before hobbling into the bathroom. He shed his clothing that he still wore from the night before and stepped beneath the hot shower spray. He silently thanked whomever was responsible for his unbelievable water pressure as the firm jets of water massaged his sore muscles and attempted to keep all those unwanted thoughts at bay. Above the hissing rush of his hot shower, Caleb could make out faintly the sound of The Clash's "The Guns of Brixton" reverberating off the walls of his undersized bathroom. Caleb let out an exasperated groan. Elliott was calling again. Caleb loved Elliott dearly. Really. But right now, he just wasn't sure if he could put up with his antics. Though Caleb wouldn't call them "close", Elliott really had influenced his life in profound ways. He was the one who had convinced Caleb, after years of nail-biting and anxiety, to finally come out to his friends (who were essentially just Elliott and Thom) and family and, well, the world. From the moment Elliott bounded into his sculpture class, his wild air of spontaneity and liberation had sort of sucked Caleb in. He loved his tendencies to be so excessively enthusiastic over things that most would find so mundane and his constant hectic pace. Elliott always had a full schedule. He never just had a night in, which is why he and Caleb had such casual friendship. Though he could appreciate someone else's hustle and bustle, Caleb preferred things much more low-key and laid back. Like things were with Thom... And it wasn't just the difference in pace that put a distance between Caleb and Elliott. Elliott had always been very forward with his attraction to Caleb, despite Caleb's constant "just friends" deflections. Though Caleb couldn't say that he was unattractive or any aspect of his personality or appearance was a deal-breaker, he couldn't help his downright infatuation with Thom. Because Thom had always been on his mind, there was no room left for anyone else--not even the man who was so up front and honest about his desire. Caleb's constant rejection never seemed to affect Elliott, either. For every pinch of the ass or wink of the eye that was met with the crossing of arms or a harsh word or two, Elliott was always able to bounce right back, as if nothing ever happened. And it wouldn't stop him from trying it again either. So Caleb tended to keep his distance. And as Caleb peered around the shower curtain at his glowing phone on the sink's edge which continued to sound, he was presented with a dilemma: Answer Elliott's call, put up with him, avoid thinking of... well, you know who, and possibly have some fun on a Saturday night? Or ignore it, avoid Elliott and his high-strung world in favor of a night in of stewing in his misery? Or as Paul Simonon and Joe Strummer seemed to ask, "With your hands on your head or on the trigger of your gun?" 'Surrender it is,' Caleb thought as he turned off the water and stumbled over the edge of the tub, grabbing a towel before snatching up his phone. "Hello?" Caleb asked, probably sounding more irked than he intended to let on. But Elliott didn't notice a thing. "CALEB! Jesus, boy, I've been trying to get in touch with you all day! Where have you been? Did you die?" Elliott nearly screamed with enthusiasm over the line in his overexcited howl. "I'm fine. Had a long night, so I slept all day..." Caleb trailed off as he patted the towel over his still stiff body. "Sounds like somebody got their hot little body turned out last night. Woof!" Caleb blushed silently over the phone, his stomach churning as Elliott's comments stirred up images from the previous night. "Anyhow, since you're still with the living, I've been calling you to see if you had plans tonight! I know you don't like going out every night, but tonight is going to be amazing! My ex-boyfriend's current girlfriend's band is playing their first show at this rooftop bar right in midtown. They're sort of a vintage '50s-style rock and roll sound and the place is absolutely adorable--you'd love it! It's a pretty casual thing too. Not too many people, not too busy a bar. And it's not all outdoors, there's a closed-in portion too--because I know you get cold..." A slow smile crept across Caleb's face. That sounded perfect, actually. He needed to get out, and a little music and alcohol and good company didn't sound all bad. "Okay," Caleb said, cutting Elliott off mid-ramble. "Really?" Elliott questioned, his excitement building further, if that was possible. "Yeah, I'll go. I need to get out of the apartment tonight and that sounds like fun." "You won't regret it, Caleb. Tonight's going to be great! I'm so excited! And I'll be showing up with a gorgeous thing like you on my arm! Lou is going to be SO jealous!" Caleb rolled his eyes, even though Elliott couldn't see it, but didn't have time to get a word in edgewise as Elliott motored along, "The show starts at 9:30, so I'll be at your place at, say...8:45? I know it's short notice... Can you run on just an hour?" "Yeah, that's fine. I just need to throw on some clothes and I'll be ready." "Great! I'm sure you'll look adorable! I'll see you soon, boy!" "Bye, Elliott," Caleb laughed out as he ended the call. Tonight was going to be interesting. ----------------------------------------------- Caleb really did enjoy being around Elliott again. They hadn't spent time together in weeks and his effervescent presence was a breath of fresh air that lifted Caleb's spirits. "Don't you love it?" Elliott beamed as the pair walked out of the elevator and into the little rooftop bar. Strings of tiny glittering white Christmas lights hung from every feasible location casting a warm cozy glow around both the enclosed portion and patio of the bar. A large built-in bar took up one whole wall of the glass-walled section, leaving room for couches, tables and chairs on the inside. Out on the patio, brightly colored wooden folding tables and chairs had been folded flat and lined up against the far wall to make room for the small crowd of people gathering around the small raised platform stage. Elliott and Caleb made their way out the glass doors back into the chill of New York fall. They leaned on the low wall with the view that looked out over the city. "This place really is incredible. It's such a tiny little bar, but it's got this view," Caleb motioned toward the glowing image of the Empire State Building above them and the flurry of activity down on 32nd Street below. "Gorgeous," Elliott said, looking away from the view and winking at Caleb. Caleb swatted Elliott on the arm, playfully dismissing his flirtation with a sigh. "I think I need a drink now," Caleb said with a smile as he turned and sauntered back indoors. Elliott followed close behind Caleb, seating himself on the stool beside him. "Patrón, three shots, please," Caleb called out to the bartender. "Three? Expecting somebody?" Elliott laughed, placing a friendly hand on Caleb's back. "One for you, two for me," Caleb was the one to wink this time as he tossed back his first shot of the night and slid one glass to Elliott. "I like where this is going," Elliott grinned throwing back his glass as well and grimacing at that distinct bitter burn. The pair sat at the bar for quite some time, chatting and laughing as Caleb loosened himself up with a decent amount of alcohol. He was nearing the "too drunk to walk" point when the rumble of bass shook the glass walls and the sound of cheers and applause filled the bar. "You want to go check out the band?" Elliott questioned, his own words slightly slurred as he cracked a half-smile in Caleb's direction. Caleb just closed his eyes with a vague look of happiness and nodded. Elliott wrapped his arm around Caleb's waist, partly for support and mostly because he wanted to get closer. The pair shuffled their way out onto the patio where the band was taking the stage. A tall goddess of a woman took the stage with a white Les Paul in hand. Her shining dark hair spilled over her pale shoulders in long silky waves as she leaned forward to the microphone. "My name is Adah and we are The Tin Men," she smiled as she spoke, creating one little dimple on her left cheek. Caleb slowly opened his still-shut eyes when he heard that voice and his jaw hit his chest. "How did you say you know her?" Caleb questioned as he tripped over his words, suddenly sounding worried. "My ex-boyfriend is dating her. Why?" "Fuck... Small fucking world... This was just too goddamn perfect," Caleb grumbled as Elliott pulled him closer. "What's wrong? Bad blood with her? She's a nice girl..." "I know, I know... That's Adah Glass. Thom's sister... Fuck!" "Thom?" Elliott paused for a moment in thought, "OH! Oh, Thom! Your friend. The graduate assistant guy, right?" Caleb didn't tell anyone about his feelings for Thom. He didn't even want to think about telling Elliott who would have just pestered him about it until the end of time. "Why do you look like she stole your kidney, then?" Elliott continued. "It's just... Thom might be here... We just... We had a falling out. I don't want to see him right now..." That was as close as he was going to come to the truth tonight. His brief anger started to give way as tears welled up in his eyes and he did the best he could in his drunken state to keep them at bay. "It's okay, sweetheart. If he bothers you, I'll give him a shiner. No worries, okay?" Elliott tucked his finger under Caleb's chin, forcing their eyes to meet. Caleb just sniffled as he nodded. "Now, let's dance!" Adah shouted from the stage as the band began to play. The first song was fast and energetic and got the whole crowd moving, but all Caleb wanted to do was crawl into a hole and hide for the rest of the night. "Come on, do as the nice lady asks," Elliott said with a wide smile, wrapping Caleb in his arms from behind and twirling him away from his body like a ballroom dancer. Caught off-guard and a little inebriated, Caleb wobbled on his axis before crashing into a group of people and toppling to the ground. Elliott quickly rushed to his side, helping him to his feet. "Sorry guys!" he said to the disturbed partygoers. "He's okay. Let me," he said to a man trying to lift Caleb from the ground as he moved to take his place. "I'm so sorry, babe! I think we're both a little drunker than we thought! Let's go find a couch inside. We can still see and hear everything, but there's less risk of injury, I believe." Caleb was still too stunned to reply and just allowed himself to be dragged wherever he was being led. Elliott stopped before the love seat which was now facing the window, giving a perfect view of the patio. Caleb plopped down directly in front of the window, his arm slung over the back of the sofa and Elliott sat just behind him. "Here, Caleb, lean back just a little. You look really tense and one of my exes was a massage therapist, so I know my way around a tense neck and shoulders," Elliott said, pulling Caleb gently so he was leaning back against his chest. Caleb allowed himself to let go as Elliott used his nimble fingers to work the tension out of his muscles. He closed his eyes and imagined Thom, but for whatever reason, the anxiety was gone. All he felt was the happiness and warmth he had felt with Thom before. He thought about Thom's hands touching him instead of Elliott's. Those warm hands moving lower and lower down his back. He thought about the way his heated fingertips felt against the cool flesh of his back as he had removed his shirt. It didn't take long for Elliott to spy the physical evidence of just how good he was making Caleb feel. He was a little surprised, to say the least. He had always figured Caleb was a lost cause... Maybe his constant flirting technique actually worked. "You like this, baby?" Elliott cooed into Caleb's ear, the warm air drawing a shiver down Caleb's spine as one hand left his shoulder moved around to his stomach, just beneath his shirt. "Mmmmm," Caleb moaned in reply as he pushed himself back harder against Elliott. "Good," Elliott whispered. He brought his head down to the crook of Caleb's neck planting a gentle wet kiss just behind his ear. Caleb brought up his arm, cradling Elliott's head, bringing him ever closer and spurring him on. He could feel Thom's lips on his neck, he could feel Thom's body pressed against him, he could hear Thom's voice in his ear. He could hear Thom's voice? "What the fuck, Caleb!" ----------------------------------------------- Thom crossed his arms as he leaned back against the cool glass wall of the rooftop bar as he watched his sister take the stage. She had asked him to come, and Thom had begged like he had never begged before to be let off the hook for the night, but after one of Adah's agonizing guilt trips, he had almost no choice. He had been in pieces since Caleb had walked out of his apartment. The series of events seemed like such a blur, but they weighed on his heart so heavily. Jackson was gone. A cheater. And somehow he wound up sleeping with his best friend. Who LOVED him. It was a whirlwind of despair and joy and shame... But the more Thom thought about it, the clearer everything became. He could remember the miniscule details--and each one was Caleb: the way his body smelled like vanilla and almond soap, the chill and softness of his long slender fingers and the gentle tickling of his white-blonde hair as it brushed against chest when he said those words that still echoed in his head. Love. At the time, he really didn't feel the same. It wasn't that it was unthinkable. It was just a concept hadn't ever entered his mind with Caleb. Sure, that probably made him blind and insensitive, but he'd be damned if he didn't try to make it up to Caleb. Thom wasn't sure if he could promise him love. Hell, it had been hardly a day since he had kicked out his boyfriend of five years. But he was going to try. He couldn't bear to live without Caleb in his life in some capacity, and if friendship didn't make Caleb happy, he could give him more. He knew he could give him more. They had so much in common and there was certainly no lack of attraction physically, he knew that for sure now. He just hoped it wasn't too late. Thom tried Caleb's number all day, but could only hear the sound of his voice on his outgoing message. He was even getting ready to go to Caleb' apartment tonight to beg for forgiveness when he got the call from Adah. She convinced him that it would probably be best to get out of the house and give both Caleb and himself just a little time, sealing the deal with a reminder that Thom had been out of town on her birthday two years in a row. Adah could guilt you into anything... And so Thom hung back in the cool night air, half listening to his sister's band play, half weighing the pros and cons of leaving early to find Caleb. Until a blonde whirling dervish crashed into the small group of people next to him and fell into his arms. The kid was clearly stinking drunk and hung limply from Thom's arms as he tried to lift him from the floor by his thin shoulders. Hoping a different approach would help get this guy off the floor, Thom moved around to the front to try to pull him up from beneath his arms. Before he could get that far, Thom was stopped in his tracks. Unrequited Ch. 02 Thom had thought this moment would be so far away, but here he was, holding Caleb in his arms again. "Caleb?" Thom whispered, his voice swallowed up by the sound of the fast-paced drums and guitar. Caleb stared vaguely into the distance, looking obviously confused and disoriented, and before he could try to get his attention, another man wedged his way between them. "He's okay. Let me," a wiry brunette said as he took hold of Thom's precious, though drunken, paragon and hauled him to his feet. "I'm so sorry, babe! I think we're both a little drunker than we thought!" Thom heard the man say soothingly to Caleb as the pair stumbled through the door inside. Babe? Just last night he was confessing his love and now Caleb had some other guy calling him babe? Thom just sat stunned on the cold concrete floor, offers of help falling on deaf ears as he shivered, still holding the ghost of Caleb's body. His mind reeled as he tried to make sense of the situation, trying to reason it away. The only thing that would make him feel better would be talking to Caleb himself. Thom braced his arms against the ground, pushing himself to his feet in an ungainly way. He pulled open one of the glass doors and rounded the corner, his gaze sweeping over the small dim room. Thom found Caleb. And what he saw made him feel as if someone had built a fire in his belly, burning him alive slowly from the inside. The fire coursed through his veins, enraging him and crippling him at the same time. Caleb sat on a small velvet sofa in the arms of that same rangy interloper. He slowly tossed back his shock of flaxen hair, letting out a soft moan as he leaned into the groping hands and hungry mouth of man behind him. Thom let the dams break, the fury taking hold as he approached the impassioned couple. "What the fuck, Caleb!" ----------------------------------------------- Caleb's eyes peeled open wide. His breathing, still heavy with passion, quickened as his heart fought for escape against his ribs. He felt Elliott's hands still and his head lift from it's position at his neck. "Oh god..." Caleb choked out, his throat feeling on the verge of collapsing completely. He blinked his eyes shut tight, and opened them, scalding tears now falling to his pale cheeks. Slowly, Caleb craned his head around to see a seething and trembling Thom. "Thom," Caleb sniffled out as he fought the blur of tears from his eyes. "Don't even fucking start, Caleb. How am I supposed to trust anything you say now? Who the fuck is this?" Thom said, his eyes wide and wild as he gestured savagely in Elliott's direction. Caleb started to move, trying to free himself from Elliott and stand on his own two feet as an anger of his own started to build in his gut. "Who the hell are you to even ask me that?!" Caleb screamed, his fists balling up tightly, "You lost your right to talk to me like that last night!" Elliott gripped Caleb's wrist. "Caleb, come on and sit down. You don't need this. You're causing a scene. And this guy doesn't seem too reasonable right now," he pleaded. Caleb's look softened slightly as he looked down at the still-seated Elliott, "I'm okay. Let me talk to him. I need to do this. Stay here, okay? I'll find you," he said, clumsily shaking his arm loose and taking a step away from the couch. "Come here," he said, his voice shaking as he directed it at the fuming Thom. Caleb stomped past Thom, trying to seem strong and authoritative in his still woozy state as he headed toward the only secluded part of the bar: the restrooms. He swung open the door thankful to find a single cubicle rather than multiple stalls. Less chance of any unwanted eavesdroppers. He turned around, standing face to face with Thom. It was a little surreal. "Lock the door," Caleb said, still sniffling as he spoke. Thom did as he was told then turned to meet Caleb's gaze with his own icy glare. "So." Thom said, crossing his arms and raising his brows. "Yes?" "So, are you going to answer my question? What the fuck was that out there?" Thom said with a nod of his head toward the door. "Like I said, you don't get to ask me that. But just for your information, Elliott is a friend of mine," Caleb said, trying to sound matter-of-fact, but the trembling in his voice betraying him. "Oh! A friend? The kind of friend that gropes you like that? The kind of friend that gets you hard?" Thom said incredulously, that wild look creeping into his eyes again. "Isn't that what you thought you were?!" Caleb screamed, his eyes turning to stone. Thom went silent as tears started to slowly glimmer in his eyes. "I put myself out on the line for you. I put my heart on a fucking platter for you. I'd never said that to anyone else before, Thom..." Caleb whispered, hanging his head. "And you threw it all in my face. You spat in my wounds and now you're going to make sure they can't heal? You're a monster," he said, sounding stronger as he looked up at Thom. Thom leaned back against the wall, letting out a sob as he sank to the floor. His arms hung limply at his sides, his head no longer supported by his neck rested on the wall beside him as he wept, the heat fogging up his glasses. He drew in a ragged breath before letting loose the deluge of his thoughts. "Oh, god, Caleb... I'm so sorry... I don't know what I was thinking. I thought if I saw you again, we would end up together, but you're right. I'm a fucking monster..." Thom wailed in between his gasping sobs, "I don't deserve to ask to be with you. I don't deserve your company. I don't deserve your forgiveness..." "Shut up, Thom." Thom opened his tightly shut eyes to see Caleb crouching before him, looking considerably less angry, but still agitated. He shut his mouth immediately, his hitching breath marked by sharp inhalations through his nose. "Clearly we've got some shit to talk out," Caleb said with a sigh, placing a delicate hand on Thom's knee. "Do you want to try tonight?" Thom replied with a silent nod of his heavy head. "Do you want to go?" Thom nodded again. "Okay, do you mind if it's at your place? Mine is sort of a wreck..." "That's fine... Mine is too. Hope you don't mind..." Thom said weakly. "Alright," Caleb said, standing and extending a hand to the limp and sniffling form of Thom. "We'll get a cab" "What about..." Thom started, looking toward the door as he accepted Caleb's hand. "He'll be fine. I'll tell him before we go," Caleb said as he walked unsteadily toward the door. "Caleb, wait." Thom hung back, still standing in front of the far wall. As Caleb turned around, Thom focused his eyes on his shoes. Caleb had never seen him act so shy like this. "Do you love him?" Thom sniffled, blushing slightly. He looked like a kid telling his mother about his first kiss. "No," Caleb sighed, shaking his head. "C'mon, let's go." "Wait..." Thom blurted out again, taking a deep breath and wringing his hands. "Do you still mean it...what you said?" "I've said a lot of things, Thom. Which one?" Caleb said, knitting his brows with concern. Thom seemed to shrink before his very eyes, his breathing getting heavier as he became increasingly nervous. He lowered his voice down to a mumbling whisper, "Do you still love me?" It was almost inaudible, but Caleb heard. He had no idea how to feel about Thom asking him that. They had to talk about this later. But he had no doubt about how he felt about Thom. Caleb slowly crossed the room, stopping just in front of the trembling Thom. He placed a hand on his shoulder as he leaned in close. "I've never stopped loving you," Caleb whispered. Before Thom could say anything else, Caleb stopped him, placing a gentle kiss over Thom's smooth and heated lips. It was a kiss that was barely more than a whisper--just a taste of what Caleb had wanted so badly, but couldn't have. As their lips parted, Thom's face was painted with a look of utter shock. Caleb turned away quickly and walked back toward the door. "Come on, Thom... We've got a lot to talk about." As his back left the wall and he followed Caleb out the door, Thom felt like he was letting it all go. Like the rockets had been fired and bulls had been released on the streets of Pamplona. Like he was tumbling off a cliff to an imperceptible fate. Like he was falling in love. Unrequited Ch. 03 Author's Note: This chapter is considerably shorter than the others, so sorry about the length. But the next (and final!) chapter should be much longer. I hope you enjoy! - your city bird The cab ride to Thom's apartment from the bar was more than a little bit tense. The pair sat on opposite ends of the leather bench seat, the air hanging between them heavily as they stared out their respective windows. Was there a certain script you were supposed to follow in a situation like this? Is there some cure-all concoction of words that would make this all easier? Unfortunately for them both, neither man knew. As the cab pulled up to Thom's building, Thom glanced across the seat at Caleb. He couldn't help but chuckle at the sight. Caleb's cheek was pressed against the cool window, causing the glass to fog and his mouth to hang open loosely as he let out a tiny snort of a snore (more like a sleep-hiccup actually) in his deep slumber. Thom's heart softened when he saw that face that had been so angry and hurt and full of resentment, now so peaceful and innocent. Thom had forgotten how drunk Caleb had been at the bar. "Why he thought tonight was a good night to talk, I'll never know..." Thom mumbled as he tried to shake Caleb from his slumber. No use. All he got in return was a sleepy whine accompanied by a brief fluttering of his eyelids. Thom nearly tumbled out of the elevator the doors slid open on his floor. Caleb hung limply from his arm, his feet barely grazing the ground as Thom dragged him down the hall. For such a short and slender guy, Caleb was a lot heavier than he looked. "I've gotta start working out more," Thom grumbled to himself as he pulled the zonked out Caleb toward his apartment. He paused, taking a moment to unlock his door before scooping Caleb up in his arms, carrying his blushing bride over the threshold. Well, to be more specific, his blushing, wasted, and unconscious best friend who was madly in love with him but also completely pissed at him for acting like such a pig... But "blushing bride" just has more of a ring to it, doesn't it? Thom brought Caleb into his bedroom, pushing back his fluffy white duvet and pulling off Caleb's shoes before laying him gently out on the cool sheets. Caleb's body quaked slightly from the cold and he let out a helpless whimper. Thom smiled sympathetically over his adorable little companion as he pulled the comforter over Caleb and tucked him in like his precious prize. Thom just sat on the edge of the bed, watching Caleb as the turbulent expression on his face calmed. He slowly reached out a hand, cradling the side of that lovely face and brushing away the wild locks of white-blonde hair that spilled over his forehead and covered his eyes. "I'm sorry, Caleb," Thom whispered, leaning in and placing a soft kiss on Caleb's cheek. He rested his forehead against Caleb's, "I don't know if I can love you... But please, let me try..." He knew Caleb couldn't hear him, but he felt somewhat reassured as Caleb nuzzled his face into the touch of his hand. ----------------------------------------------- Caleb's mind stirred as he felt a gentle caress of his cheek and a slight pressure to his forehead. In his still-drunk and mostly-asleep state, Caleb sighed heavily, breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth. That scent–that oh-so-familiar fragrance–surrounded him. Fabric softener sheets. Lemon. Faint salt like a sea breeze. Thom. The words sailed into his ears, throwing a wrench into the machinery of his thoughts. "I don't know if I can love you... But please, let me try..." The first part didn't matter. Not now. He wanted to try. He wanted to love him. This must be a dream. But right now, Caleb didn't care about that either. If this was a dream, God, it was a good one. Caleb turned his face into Thom's gentle touch, wanting to experience as much of this sensation as possible as he sighed once more and drifted back into the safety of sleep. ----------------------------------------------- The afternoon sun streamed through the window, searing through the eyelids of the unconscious Caleb and forcing him into the waking world. He stretched out his tightly curled limbs as he adjusted to the feeling of being alive. It was the first time in a few days that he'd had such a good rest. And no hangover. Everything came flooding back to Caleb as his eyes snapped open like a mousetrap. This was Thom's bed. He had made it to Thom's apartment... This was going to be a long day. Caleb swung his legs off the bed from under the duvet and marched toward the door. When he opened the door to the living room, his heart broke at what he saw. Thom, sat back on the sofa made up with two large pillows, a bed sheet, and a quilt. He had taken the couch last night. "Y'know, I would have been fine on the couch... You didn't have to." Thom turned around to face the source of that quiet, lovely voice. His eyes lit up as they fell upon Caleb's face, but he made sure to restrain himself. They still had a lot to talk about; this was not the time to get all happy-go-lucky. "Ahh, you're awake," Thom smiled, setting the book he was absorbed in on the coffee table, "You slept right through breakfast. I can make you lunch if you want. Or would you rather just have some coffee?" "I'll just have a cup of coffee. But I can get it, don't worry. You just spent all night on your sofa. You've done enough," Caleb said as he walked toward the kitchen. He yawned as he returned to the living room and plopped down on the couch beside Thom. He cradled his mug in his icy fingers, trying his hardest to coerce the warmth into his body as he sipped at the scalding black coffee. Silence hung heavily between the two as both men stared in no particular direction, trying to put off the inevitable. Suddenly, the quiet was shattered by a sharp electronic beeping. "Shit," Thom muttered, pulling his cell phone from his pocket, "I've got to go to class. I only have one class this afternoon, though, and I don't have office hours today. Would it be too much to ask for you to wait for me? It won't be more than a couple of hours, I promise you!" A small smile painted itself across Caleb's lips, making his emerald eyes sparkle slightly in the afternoon light. Thom really did care about him. He always seemed to be trying to make him comfortable, to be accommodating. "It's fine, I can wait," Caleb said, trying to make his voice sound more confident about his condition than he was. In reality, he was both anxious to get this conversation over with and desperate to prevent it from starting. He knew what needed to happen, but what he really wanted was to curl up in his bed and sleep the rest of his life away. He didn't want to have to face Thom about how he felt. It was humiliating enough before... Thom got up from his seat on the couch and walked into his bedroom, fetching a black jacket and tie. Caleb recalled Thom telling him that he was applying for an associate psychology professor position next semester and couldn't help but smile as Thom fussed with a wrinkle in his white shirt. "What's with the suit?" Caleb said, still eyeing Thom curiously. "They always say dress for the job you want, right?" Thom looked over his shoulder toward Caleb as he straightened his tie in the hall mirror. "Oh, so is the election soon then? Good luck, Mr. President," Caleb quipped, laughing playfully from his cozy spot on the sofa. Thom brushed a speck of lint from his sleeve and turned around, still smiling, but this time, the smile didn't reach his eyes. The way Thom looked at Caleb... It was almost sad. Caleb heard his heart 'thump... thump... THUMP................' then nothing. What was that look? What did that mean? "I'll see you in a couple of hours okay? Just make yourself at home!" Thom said, turning back around and exiting swiftly. "Okayyy.... Now what?" Caleb sighed to himself. That expression was just too strange. Maybe the way he was joking with Thom was just a little too familiar for their situation. It shouldn't have been so easy... But all Caleb wanted was the old Thom back. He wanted things to be the way they used to be. Even if that mean mooning over Thom behind his back for the rest of his life. But how could things go back to the way they were after the other night? Thom had slept with Caleb. And then Caleb confessed his undying love. How are you supposed to just forget about something like that? The way Caleb saw it, he either wanted to be with Thom, be his partner, his lover, everything, or just have things go back to that easy, casual friendship. Right now, both of those options seemed too much to ask. Caleb curled up, pulling his knees to his chest as he let out a yawn. Damn Thom for only drinking decaf. What's the point of drinking decaffeinated coffee? Bit by bit, Caleb succumbed to the heavy pull back into slumber. What better way to pass the time? ----------------------------------------------- Caleb was sailing. The cerulean sea stretched out to the horizon in all directions as the sun hung high in the sky. His boat was an absolutely perfect vessel. The deck was polished and shining from stem to stern, it was of a perfect size for one man, and... it was rocking? Caleb looked around him to the water below, but there were no waves, just utter calm. But the boat was now rocking violently from side to side, threatening to throw Caleb in the waters, disturbing the perfection of his ocean. And that it did. Caleb felt the water surrounding him, filling his nose, his mouth, his lungs. He was drowning. He was going to die like this. He took his final gasp... ...And sprang up from the couch, cracking his skull against Thom's. Caleb let out a high-pitched yowl, leaning back to his reclined position and cradling his now throbbing forehead. Thom's hand still rested on Caleb's shoulder from where he had tried to gently rock him from his sleep as he rubbed his other palm roughly across his own temple. "Ugh! I'm sorry, Thom... I was sailing and the ocean was fine, but then I drowned..." "Umm... Ooookay..." Thom chuckled as he narrowed his eyes skeptically. "Really, I've been having the most vivid dreams the past few nights. Well, more like nightmares! It's been horrible! I mean..." Caleb paused as he realized the implications of his words. Talking about his shaky mental state and horrific Thom-nightmares WITH THOM didn't seem like the best idea right now. But Caleb was in Thom's apartment specifically to address some of these problems... They were here to talk after all. Thom sighed and removed his hand from Caleb's shoulder and sat down on the coffee table in front of him, "Well, we are here to talk after all." Like a mind-reader. "Sorry, I... ah... Yeah, I guess we are, aren't we..." Caleb mumbled out, abandoning his an attempt at an apology. What did he have to apologize about anyway? Just thinking about it made his blood pressure rise just a hair. "Uhh... Yeah. This is nice and awkward now, isn't it?" Thom tried to laugh it off. Caleb wasn't laughing. "Well, I guess I should start? I'm not sure where to begin... Caleb, are you okay with this right now?" Thom stared as Caleb turned a sickly shade of pale before his eyes. "Yeah. You go first," Caleb said, a light sweat making itself visible on his forehead as he spoke abruptly. "Okay.. Uhh... Well... I guess, I really like you a lot, Caleb," Thom watched as Caleb flinched at the words, but continued forward. "I like you a lot. I didn't really realize it until that night we were together, but now I have no clue why I didn't see it. I mean, you're my best friend, we have so much in common it's almost like we're the same person, and–I don't know if I told you at the time or not, but–I think you're really fucking adorable." A bit of color returned to Caleb's face as a furious shade of red exploded across his cheeks. "I guess," Thom continued, "there's only one thing holding me back. That night that you came here, I had just broken up with Julian. I don't know what I was thinking when I kissed you, Caleb. You were so kind to me, holding me, telling me everything was okay–it reminded me of the way Julian was in his kinder moments. And when I kissed you... I almost expected you to turn me down. I expected you to tell me 'no'. I expected you to hurt me like he had. Then you kissed me back. It wasn't like Julian at all. It was wonderful..." Tears started to well up in Thom's eyes as he spoke. "It was wonderful, but..." Thom breathed in deeply trying to keep the trembling out of his voice. "But I've had Julian for five years... I know he cheated. Probably more than once... But he was with me for five years of my life. I just don't know how I feel about erasing all that time... I... I lo..." Thom started, and faltered, hiding his face in his hands. Those last words that Thom nearly spoke shook Caleb from his shock. Pain seared in his chest as if someone had stabbed him through the heart with a red hot fireplace stoker. His knuckles turned white as he dug his fingers into his thighs. Maybe, if he heard him actually say it all this pain would go away. Caleb looked up at the still shamefaced Thom, and drawing in a ragged breath, asked the question that was burning in his heart: "Do you still love him?" Thom lifted his face from his hands, his crystalline blue eyes opening forlornly on Caleb's. Those eyes could only speak the truth. He didn't even have to say it, "Yes...." Caleb was stunned by the feeling that flowed through him. It carried away all the pain he felt like a lazy river. In fact the feeling that he was experiencing was more like the complete lack of feeling. The emotions just flooded out of his body, leaving him completely numb. Caleb sat, hands crossed in his lap, vacantly staring off into space as Thom continued to sob and babble an apology. Suddenly, the sound of his name being shouted at him through the haze reached his ears. He moved his blank stare to Thom's exasperated face. Thom didn't say anything, just stared at him, breathing heavily and sniffing back tears. Caleb pushed himself up from the couch and stood before Thom. "Can I ask you for two favors?" This wasn't Caleb's usual voice. There was something broken and mechanical about it... "I guess!" Thom said, confusion mixing in with the anger and sadness. "One year from today, meet me at that SoHo cafe you like so much. At 2:30." "A year? What are you talking about? Caleb, I need time to think about this, but that's too much! I can't be without..." Thom was cut off by Caleb's now monotonous voice, "The other thing I wanted to ask you: Can I be with you one more time? Just a pity fuck... I don't care." Caleb's blank eyes bore down on Thom. Something wasn't right. "What?!" Thom said, standing up and towering over Caleb. "I would never.... A 'pity fuck'? What's gotten into you!?" "You've gotten into me," Caleb said, suddenly pouncing on Thom, causing him to fall back onto the sofa. Caleb straddled his lap slowly grinding his hips against Thom's as he laved the crook of his neck with his tongue. "Caleb! Stop! Not like this!" Thom shouted, pulling Caleb's hungry mouth from his body by the grip on his shoulders. "Then how?" Caleb said in that cool, heartless voice, "How can I have you again?" He pulled on Thom's tie and kissed him hard on the mouth. Thom groaned and struggled against him, trying to push Caleb away without hurting him. Frustrated, Caleb removed his bruising lips from Thom's and when their eyes met, for the first time, Thom felt fear in the pit of his stomach. Caleb's eyes turned to two igneous coals that seared into Thom's skin. His long and elegant fingers seemed like vicious talons as they snarled tightly in Thom's shirt. One hand slowly loosed its grip and slid down Thom's torso. "Caleb, stop!" Thom shouted, forcefully pushing the hand away. "What?" Caleb hissed, his eyes flaring up, "You don't even want to fuck me anymore? You don't have to love me, Thom. Just think about him." Caleb freed his wrist from Thom's grasp and moved it between their bodies, roughly stroking at Thom's crotch through his suit pants. "Just close your eyes, and I can be anyone you want me to be. You want Julian? Well, how does your boyfriend's hand feel?" "STOP!" Caleb toppled backward, sprawling over the coffee table and landing with a loud thunk on the floor. Thom looked on, stunned, as he rubbed the numb tingling from his palm. He hadn't meant to hit Caleb, but there was no other way to stop him. Silence rang through the room once more, broken only by the heavy breath forcing its way out of the lungs of both men. After what seemed like ages, Thom finally spoke up. "Caleb?" he questioned softly to the damaged young man's crumpled form. "I'm...." "No," Caleb croaked, his words thick with emotion as he turned his face away from Thom. "I'm sorry..... God.... I'm such an idiot..." He struggled to put his arms beneath him and wobbled onto his two feet. "I'm going. Please don't try to call me. If you could ever forgive me, meet me in a year." As he spoke, tears were evident on his voice, sniffling as he walked toward the door. "But I'm the monster, Thom. You deserve better." Caleb's slender limbs looked as if they were made of lead as he lifted a heavy hand to the doorknob. The squeaking of the door as he opened it to leave was the only sound that filled the room. Thus, the sudden touch of Thom's warm hand on his shoulder startled him so terribly as he stepped out over the threshold. Caleb looked back over his shoulder–the last glance he could steal of his beloved Thom. His face looked just as it had in his dreams: such flawless beauty, sullied and scarred by misery and woe. Tears streamed down Thom's face as he clung tightly to Caleb's thin shoulder. "Caleb....." Thom sputtered, his brows knitting tightly as he choked through his tears, "Caleb, I....." "No." Caleb roughly shook his shoulders, freeing himself from Thom's desperate grasp. Then he ran. His feet turned to absolute blurs as he sprinted down the hall and the several flights of stairs to the lobby. He fled, hurtling down block after city block, nearly going blind as the wind stung his watering eyes. It was cowardly, but he hadn't ever called himself brave. It was easier to run. To flee from Thom was to flee from pain. But what if that meant leaving love behind? Caleb ran until his legs went numb, the impact of the pavement rattling up to his teeth. Finally spent, his limbs gave out, the rough concrete tearing holes in his denims and bloodying his knees and palms. He buried his still crying eyes in his hands, the scalding tears stinging his abraded palms and diluting the thick blood oozing from the wounds. "Please forgive me," he wept to himself. "One year...." Unrequited Ch. 04 Author's Note: Sorry about the wait for this fourth and final chapter of Unrequited! All the time working up to finals week proved to be a little too much for me and it took a toll on the pace of my writing here. I hope this chapter lives up to your expectations if not the title of the series... I must say once again that I love you all and please keep the criticisms/comments coming! -your city bird One year later... Caleb's feet pounded against the concrete path as he jogged the loop around Prospect Park. Brilliant rays of sun punctured the canopy of trees, covering the ground in patches of warm, yellow light. Lungs desperate for air and throat desperate for water, Caleb paused to take a breather. He leaned against the back of a park bench, his gaze stretching across the sun-dappled pond, when he saw a man standing by the water, skipping stones across its surface. As Caleb watched each tiny flat rock magically bounce across the pond, his legs began to feel heavier and heavier. Each stone made perfect little ripples of mesmerizing concentric circles with each pass across the water. Caleb suddenly felt like running again, but found himself completely incapable of movement. His legs were suddenly cemented in place as he became entranced by the water's surface. Without a second's warning, Caleb felt a cool hand forcefully cover his lips, completely sealing off his breath. In the same way that he couldn't force his legs to move, the rest of his body remained still through the panic as Caleb felt his body being dragged away from the path from behind. The hand left his mouth as he felt his body being spun around and his back slamming into what felt like knotted trunk of a massive tree. Caleb's mouth hung open, his lips moving frantically and soundlessly in surprise as he tried to form words for the man who stood before him now. Countless cuts and bruises, fresh and sweating blood, nearly spoiled the complete pulchritude that was Thom's face. Caleb felt the sudden urge to caress that face, to hold Thom, to ease his pain, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't force his arms to move. Thom simply stood before him, shaking his head in disappointment. "Not yet," Thom whispered, laughing with his mouth full of blood. Caleb's eyes widened as Thom raised his hand. Thom's open palm hovered beside his scarred countenance. Caleb watched as Thom slowly curled his fingers, one by one, until his open palm turned to a white-knuckled fist. Before he even had a moment to think, Caleb felt that fist collide with the side of his face. He could feel the bones in his face bend to the point of breaking, his teeth rattling in his skull as he learned the taste of his own blood. Caleb looked to Thom, a pained expression staining his own newly bruised and bloody face. Thom smiled and took a step closer to Caleb, planting the hand, that had just done such violent damage, gently on the tree beside Caleb's head. "Are we even?" Thom said, his words slipping huskily past Caleb's ears. Caleb watched helplessly as Thom licked a drop of blood from the corner of Caleb's mouth before forcing his tongue between his lips. Caleb felt his tongue respond, desperately twining with Thom's as the kiss became increasingly needy and passionate. After a moment, Thom quickly pulled away. His eyes were shining with a steady flow of tears. But he was smiling, his mouth curling up in the corners, his crying eyes smiling too. "It's time, Caleb." ----------------------------------------------- Caleb rolled out of bed and with a THUNK landed on the cold hardwood floor. He groggily wiped the cold sweat away from his face and neck and ruffled his messy white-blonde hair as he slowly pried his eyes open to the invasive and vivid light of the sun. Though it was far from pleasant, Caleb wasn't startled by this rude awakening–he had woken up this way every day since he moved. Caleb figured a change of scenery would eventually stop the nightmares, but they had only gotten worse. And tonight's was the worst of all. That dream was the most vivid. But why was it getting worse? Because today was the day. It had been exactly one year since he had run from Thom–since he had hurt the thing he loved the most. Before Caleb could push himself to his clumsy feet, his bedroom door swung open, a wiry figure standing in the doorframe silhouetted by a flood of late morning sun. "So, you're finally awake? I was about to come in and wake you up when I heard you make a damn mess of yourself!" Elliott laughed, stepping into the room and helping the shaking and sweating Caleb off the cold floor. "Today's your big day, right?" Caleb groaned. Elliot need not remind him. How could he possibly forget. "C'mon, let's get some food in you," Elliott smiled, a sort of melancholy weighing down the usual flush of happiness in his features. As Caleb stiffly slid into his seat at the kitchen table, Elliott served him up a quickly reheated plate of scrambled eggs and french toast. "I assure you the food was much much better this morning, but I didn't want to wake you too early. That was the most sleep you've gotten since you've been here, Cay," Elliott said, plopping down across the table from his voracious and anxious-looking friend as he sipped heavily from his coffee cup. When the crumbs stopped flying and Caleb showed signs of slowing down with his late breakfast, Elliott spoke up again, "So are you really gonna go through with this today?" Caleb put down his fork and swallowed a bite of toast as his eyes widened in response. "Of course I am! I'm the one who set myself up for this, so I'm the one who has to follow through. It's not an option..." he said, with both disconsolation and conviction. "I know you think it's not," Elliott said, his expression softening as he furrowed his eyebrows, "but it really might be better for you if you didn't go." Caleb opened his mouth, looking as if he was about to speak up in his defense, but Elliott continued on, "I know your nightmares have been getting worse, but I think they'll eventually stop. And if you go to see him and nothing comes of it, what then? Are you going to start talking and walking in your sleep? Night terrors? Ambien sleep-gambling?" "And I know it's a terrible way to look at it, but really, think of your career! Your last series sold in less than a week! All those portraits with the same sad blue eyes... I know they're his. I know I'm going to sound like a dick thinking like this, but you've made more money being broken up about him than you ever have..." Caleb stood up abruptly, slamming both hands down on the tabletop, shaking his silverware against the ceramic of his plate. He squeezed his eyes shut firmly and bit down painfully on his bottom lip. Without so much as a glance in Elliott's direction, Caleb turned on his heel and marched back toward his room. "I'll be getting dressed. I don't want to be late." Elliott sighed as he leaned back into his chair, cradling his hot coffee cup, "That's what you get for trying to help, Elliott," he said, shaking his head. ----------------------------------------------- Caleb stripped quickly out of his pajamas and slid his black jeans up his legs. He grabbed a comfy, over-sized sweater off the floor of his room, sniffing it just to make sure it wasn't offensive. After that day at Thom's, not only had Caleb changed his phone number and moved in with Elliott in Brooklyn, but his lifestyle had taken some huge blows as well. Once he had graduated, he rarely left the apartment at all, despite Elliott's endless petitioning, spending all his time holed up in his room, pouring himself onto his canvases. He was well aware of just how pathetic he was, and the thought of it only sent him deeper into his abyss. Gone were his neat-freak tendencies and zeal for oddball fashion. It was as if he had given up everything else that mattered when he gave up Thom. He had no idea when he would stop feeling this way–so despondent and dispassionate. But he couldn't help but wonder if this meeting would do any good at all. He proposed the idea, so he had to be there, for better or for worse. For Caleb, that was the bottom line. "Time to bite the bullet," Caleb sighed, ruffling his hair once more before breezing past Elliott and out the front door. ----------------------------------------------- As Caleb's feet brought him closer and closer to the cafe, all the thoughts he had forced himself to suppress over the past year slowly worked their way back into his mind. He wondered what Thom looked like now. He had mentioned wanting to let his hair grow out a little bit. Did he have a boyfriend? Maybe even a girlfriend? Did he ever get that assistant professor job? Will he even remember? In the maelstrom of unwanted thoughts and insecurities, the one word that he couldn't even bear the though of never once reared its ugly head: that four-letter word that got him in this situation in the first place. He didn't think of the "L" word once. He couldn't. He had given up on love. All he could do now is grovel and beg for a "like". For a "friend" or maybe just an "acquaintance." 'Hell, I'll be lucky if he even shows...' Caleb thought as he dragged his feet toward the cafe. Caleb's organs turned into contortionist carnies, knotting and twisting themselves tighter as the cafe's sign loomed ever closer. As he arrived and wrapped his hand around the brushed silver handle of the glass door, he froze. This could be potentially both the best and worst decision he had ever made. 'Shut up!' half of him screamed, 'he's not even going to be in there when you walk in, so stop getting your knickers in a twist!' 'Well, I know he's not going to be there right now, I'm two hours early anyway!' Caleb argued with himself, 'So what's the harm in dropping in, having a cup of tea and leaving? No expectations, okay?' And with that, "no expectations" Caleb entered the cafe. The moment he stepped inside, he forgot what had kept him away from this place for so long and rediscovered why this was Thom's favorite spot. Low, warm lighting gave the space a cozy atmosphere that made you feel like a night owl, even in the afternoon. There were a few giant, comfy couches and chairs in the middle of the room, and all along the walls were a dozen or so painted metal tables, surrounded on all sides by all sorts of mismatched dining chairs. Each wall of the place was practically plastered with paintings and tapestries and posters from local events, that is except for the far wall behind the bar which was wallpapered with the tiny paper tags from tea bags. Once inside, he felt at ease again. Maybe the two-hour wait (without any expectations, of course) wouldn't be so bad. Caleb settled into a high-backed chair in the corner, facing out the window as he sipped from a steaming mug of his favorite green tea and nibbled absentmindedly at a lemon ginger scone. He began people-watching as he waited, watching the bundled-up New Yorkers rush to their destinations against the chilled autumn wind. After some time, Caleb found his gaze wander from the scene through the window to the handful of occupants scattered about the coffee shop. For a Saturday morning, the cafe was surprisingly vacant. A woman sat alone in the far corner, rapidly tapping out an inaudible tune with the eraser of her pencil as she became increasingly visibly stressed over her sudoku. A young couple sat curled up together on one of the upholstered sofas, cradling cups of hot chocolate as the girl twisted her boyfriend's hair between her fingers. A few other people occupied the space, silently keeping to themselves, but there was one man to whom Caleb's gaze could not help but return. The man sat just two tables down, in a chair facing Caleb. Many of his features were obscured by a large hardcover of Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow on which he focused his downturned eyes. Caleb could see that his hair was rather long, nearly reaching the shoulder. And however engrossing his book may have been, he seemed to be distracted by something. Every once in a while, he would sigh and massage the bridge of his nose beneath his black-framed glasses. There was something about this man that just drew Caleb in. In fact, he was so absorbed in studying this man that it took him a moment to notice that he was being studied in return. The moment Caleb's eyes met that man's, he was filled with a truly genuine terror. A feeling of absolute panic overtook him, like the feeling of a deathly cold hand claiming each vertebra of his spine. He had only seen such startlingly blue eyes on one man before. When that horrific feeling manifested itself in every muscle and pore on Caleb's face, he could see those luminous, icy eyes fill with both sorrow and a glint of a smile. Caleb watched as the world moved before him, leaving vague, abstract impressions in his mind. He saw the book being laid down gently on the table. He heard the sound of the chair squeak as it was pushed against the wooden floor. He saw that familiar pair of brown oxfords, now scuffed and dirty as they stepped toward him. He felt his mouth hanging open as he saw that familiar face staring down at him from above. "Hello, Caleb." Caleb couldn't do anything as that warm voice rang in his ears. His breathing began to catch in his throat as tears welled up in his eyes, so hot that they could have turned to steam. "Y...Y-y....y-y-you..." Caleb began to stammer. Thom knelt down before him and wrapped his arms around Caleb's thin, trembling form. "Yeah, I came... And so did you. It's okay," Thom cooed, shaking like a leaf himself as he ran his fingers through Caleb's soft, silvery-blond hair. He inhaled breath after lung-aching breath of Caleb's scent, that clean and sweet scent that could only belong to Caleb mixing with the smell of his green tea. He had waited far too long for this. Frankly, he didn't care what Caleb said, he was never going to let him out of his sight again. "Where have you been all this time?" Thom whispered, his own tears beginning to fall on Caleb's shoulder as he remained tightly glued to him, "I've looked all over for you. It was like you fell off the face of the earth when you left. I hope you've been okay. I've been so worried... You look good though. Jesus... I've missed you so much!" Suddenly, Thom felt the body in his arms begin to shake, not with tears, but with laughter. He pulled away, smiling sadly as he held Caleb at arm's length. "What is it?" Thom asked, brushing away Caleb's tears with his thumb. "It's just..." Caleb continued to laugh through his sobs, "I was so prepared for the worst... I just don't know what to do." Caleb smiled, reaching out a hand to Thom's face, cupping his cheek, rough with a thick stubble, "I'm so happy, I don't know what to do." Thom pulled Caleb close once more, "You should know that I never want to stop holding you like this, but I think a couple of wrecks like us are starting to cause a scene here. We should go find somewhere to talk, okay?" "Okay," Caleb sighed dreamily. It had been such a long time since he had been in such good spirits. Caleb watched on in awe as Thom released him and returned to his table to pack up his things and put on his coat and gloves. Caleb couldn't help but notice how this past year had taken a toll on Thom's body. He had definitely lost weight, making his already towering height seem even more impressive (especially to the petite Caleb). It also seemed as if he had lost track of shaving, but the beginnings of a beard actually seemed to suit him. He realized just how much he had missed seeing that man. Thom returned to Caleb with a smile on his face once again. Caleb brightened up as he saw Thom and stood, "Ready?" "You bet," Thom beamed, tucking his arm around Caleb's shoulders. As the pair exited the cafe, the biting late-fall wind chilled Caleb to the core. He brought his hands up to his face, his warm breath defrosting his digits. "I probably should have brought a real coat, huh?" Caleb said, looking up at Thom as they walked, "Or at least a sweater with pockets..." "Hold on," Thom said, stopping mid-stride and turning toward Caleb. Thom pulled the black leather glove from his right hand and handed it over to Caleb. "Here you go," Thom beamed as Caleb curiously accepted the kind yet strange gesture. "One glove? I guess that's better than none," Caleb sighed, sliding the much-too-large glove over his thin hand. Caleb turned to face forward and was ready to continue walking when he felt Thom's warm right hand hold onto his cold left one. "See, now they're both warm," Thom said, blushing slightly as squeezed Caleb's hand. ----------------------------------------------- "Not two days after you left, I realized that I had made the biggest mistake of my life," Thom said, settling down on his sofa as he rested his hand on Caleb's thigh. It only seemed logical to come back to Thom's place as Caleb's apartment was all the way in Brooklyn and he shared the space with Elliott (of course he hadn't told Thom that yet, but that would come later.) It was a bit of a mess these days, though Caleb didn't mind in the least. As long as Thom was there... "I definitely don't want to talk about him anymore, and I know you don't want to hear about him anymore, but I think this needs to be said: I really thought I was still in love with Julian, Caleb," Caleb's body involuntarily twitched at the mention of Thom's ex-boyfriend's name, "I really did... But the moment you walked out, I didn't once think of him. I only wanted you to come back, to stay with me. I thought I was still in love with Julian, but having you in my life, I realized I never was." Thom reached out a hand and gently held Caleb's chin, turning his face up toward his own. "I haven't been able to think of anything else but you. I'm... I'm a fucking wreck without you. Caleb..." Caleb swallowed hard as he looked up into Thom's clear, watery eyes. "Caleb, I'm in love with you." In this moment, there were a myriad of things that could be said. There were millions of ways Caleb could have expressed his relief, his joy, his love. The means of vocalize his feelings were abundant, but through the chaos of Caleb's delirious and blissed-out thought processes, he didn't choose any of those articulate responses. "Jesus fucking Christ." Caleb's hands grasped the nape of Thom's neck and pulled him close, his lips receiving such sweet assuagement after an entire year of torment. Thom leaned forward, his tongue finding entrance between the saccharine lips which so quickly yielded to him. He found himself overwhelmed with a passion the likes of which he had never experienced before in his life. He had never wanted someone so badly. Their tongues struggled against one another in the furnace of their mouths as their hands brushed against cheeks and thighs and grasped at shoulders and hips. They became so desperate and needy for one another that all common sense was lost and all else was incinerated by the heat of their bodies. Caleb was the one to break the kiss, coming up gasping for air. "Thom," he husked, shifting his weight as he attempted to climb up into Thom's lap. As he got to his knees, the couch proved to be more uneven ground than he had previously thought and Caleb toppled backward off the couch, nearly cracking his head against the corner of the hard wooden coffee table. "Oh god, Caleb, are you okay?" Thom said with anxiety and laughter as he stood up to help Caleb. "I'm fine!" Caleb said from the floor, where he seemed to be literally rolling with laughter across the carpet. Thom extended his hand down to Caleb to help him to his feet, but was slightly startled to feel Caleb's hands wrap around his wrist. "C'mere," Caleb said, still laughing and smiling wryly as he tugged Thom down on top of him. Unrequited Ch. 04 "It's just as cozy down here," Thom smiled down at Caleb as he hovered above him, supported only by his arms. "I know! It's actually warm," Caleb said as he looped his arms around Thom's neck, "Are your heating vents in the floor?" "Yep," Thom said, leaning down to nuzzle his face in the crook of Caleb's neck. "Hey, Thom?" "Hey, Caleb." "Say it again," Caleb said, now freeing his legs to wrap them around Thom's waist. He wanted Thom to feel just how much his body had missed his touch. His erection was straining almost painfully against the fly of his jeans in anticipation and as he began to roll his hips against Thom's, he made sure that Thom could feel it. "I love you, Caleb," Thom whispered, his hot breath breezing across Caleb's neck. 

"Say it again." Caleb began unbuttoning Thom's shirt frantically, his fingers slipping around the buttons of his wrinkled flannel shirt. "I love you, Caleb." Thom's cool hands slipped beneath Caleb's shirt, resting on his delicate hips before beginning to work open the fly of his dark over-dyed denims. "Say it again." Caleb pushed Thom's shirt off his shoulders, kissing and licking his chest and shoulders as he helped in Thom's effort of removing his jeans and boxer briefs. "I love you so much that I'm never letting you go again for as long as I live," Thom panted, "You're mine, Caleb. Forever. And I'm going to prove it to you. Over and over." Thom briefly removed himself from the vice of Caleb's thighs to quickly remove his corduroys and briefs and help Caleb pull his sweater over his head. As he looked down on the sight below him, Thom couldn't help but wonder how he had let this beautiful boy slip through his fingers. His hands thoughtfully brushed across every lovely square inch of unblemished ivory as he contemplated how best to worship such a body. Without a word, Thom reached up to the end table and retrieved a tiny bottle of lube. He began applying it to his thick, throbbing length as he watched Caleb's grassy green eyes overflow with molten lust. Caleb reached out a porcelain hand that looked as if it were gravitating toward Thom's flesh, but Thom was quick to push his hand away. He leaned forward and whispered hotly into Caleb's ear, "I swear to god, if you touch me, I'll cum." "Unh.... Thom... I can't take it. Please..." Caleb groaned as he began to unconsciously stroke his own length. Thom didn't need to hear any more. He raised himself back up on his knees and slung Caleb's long legs over his shoulders. Caleb could feel Thom's heat against his entrance, begging for ingress. And he wanted nothing more than to grant that to him. Thom slowly began to press forward, the searing pain sending Caleb's brain reeling in pleasure. "UH! Keep going! Oh god...." Caleb moaned, aching to feel that throbbing length buried inside him to the hilt. Hearing Caleb's wanton begging, Thom could no longer control himself. With a quick snap of his hips, he drove his entire length against the vice-like grip of Caleb's body. "Fuck, Caleb... I love you so much," Thom panted, as he began to roll his hips, slowly beginning to move inside Caleb. Though the pain was almost indescribable, all Caleb could feel was loved, and all he wanted was more. The moment he felt Thom begin to move, Caleb began to match his movements by slamming his hips upward against Thom. "I've waited too long for slow," gasped breathlessly, "Harder, Thom. Hard as you can." Without another word, Thom's body collided with Caleb's, and before Caleb could release his cry of liberated euphoria, Thom stopped his lips with his own. Caleb's body sang harmoniously with Thom's in a maddening air of love and pleasure. Caleb reached out, twining his fingers tightly in Thom's thick mane as his frame convulsed and quaked beneath the body of the man he loved. "Caleb... Too much... I'm... I..." Thom panted against Caleb's thin shoulders as his lips took a brief reprieve from Caleb's and claimed new territory on his neck an collarbone. "Do it, baby," Caleb moaned in reply as he tightened his grip on the undulating body above him, "Just... UH... Inside me..." Thom's hips began moving erratically as he found his release deep inside Caleb's body. His lips suctioned against Caleb's neck as he groaned his exultation, the vibration resonating through every square inch of Caleb's body. The vibrations combined with the myriad sensations assaulting his consciousness proved too much for him to handle as his body began to shudder and throb beneath Thom. The edges of Caleb's vision blurred as he came, creating a white snowy blur that crept into his periphery. Just as he thought he'd go blind with bliss, he felt a firm pair of hands gently caressing his face, he saw a beautiful smiling face looking down at him, he heard the words that he'd waited so long to hear being repeated over and over. Caleb's arms stretched out to the heavenly vision above him as his vision rippled with tears. "I love you," Caleb whispered, his voice quavering as he smiled through his tears. He felt the warm body above him melt as his pliable form wrapped around it. Thom held his breath, not quite believing what he was hearing. Sure, Caleb was his friend. But now–now he was his lover. "Is this a dream?" Thom whispered, as he nuzzled his face into Caleb's shoulder. "If it is, don't wake me up." "I love you, Caleb," Thom chuckled as he gently ruffled Caleb's soft flaxen hair. Expecting a reply or at least a weary grunt, Thom was caught unawares by Caleb's silence. Distancing himself just enough to get a good look at Caleb's face, Thom grinned from ear to ear. Caleb lay beneath him, a look of complete peace painting his adorable features as he continued to sink into a finally dreamless sleep. Not wanting to disturb him, Thom reached above his head, pulling the quilt from his sofa and covering them both as he snuggled in closer to his dozing love. "Welcome home."