6 comments/ 10337 views/ 2 favorites Thought Bubbles Kill Ch. 01 By: SilentRose My life story is a sad one. So sad, it might as well not have existed in the first place. My mother ignores me completely. Well, calling her mother is giving her bit too much credit. No, her title should be 'woman who stood idly by while her baby boy morphed into a teen and became able to take care of himself'. Anyway, I was born from a hell hole, her hell hole to be exact; and though I'm no demon, she seems to find the need to constantly avoid me. Am I so pale and unsightly that I've become a ghost to her? No, I don't believe my looks have anything to do with it. I mean, considering the fact that she has ignored me pretty much ever since that fateful prom night in '87 on which I was conceived. Or maybe she started it the several weeks after prom while squatting over some germ-infested toilet bowl in a gas station, staring blankly at a used pregnancy test. I guess the knowledge that a tiny life form was now growing inside of her wasn't enough to faze her habits. She seemed to want to tempt fate even more. She smoke and drank, did everything in her power to make certain I didn't arrive into this world. She even (this is the part that cracks me up) went so far as to throw herself down several flights of stairs in hope that she would lose me! Ha! She tried so hard to get rid of me that I actually came out more fucked up than ever. How do I know all of this? She told me this on one of her drunken rages, then ordering me to hold her hair while she puked up the contents of her stomach. I'm nineteen years young and I look like an eleven year old. I'm skinny and unsightly pale. I stand just a quarter of an inch under 5 foot 3, and I have dull black eyes and a mop of disheveled muddy red hair. Yep! The girls are just rushing at me for sex! And you know what? I blame her for my disturbing appearance. And though I don't know who or where my father is, I blame him too. He's probably some short, pudgy Leprechaun named Blarney with my luck. So, anyway, sit back and enjoy my oh-so-interesting life as I take you on the most boring, pathetic journey ever. Enjoy... _________ I woke up to the smell of stale underwear and corn chips. I open my eyes to the blinding rays of the sun as they pierced the blinds of my window. I sigh as another boring day in this boring town begins yet again. I roll out of the bed and shuffle into the bathroom. I yawn, stretch and scratch at my balls before entering the shower to wash off last night's stink. I groan mentally when the bathroom swings open wildly and in walks 'woman who stood idly by while her baby boy morphed into a teen and became able to take care of himself', casually strolling over to sit on the toilet. Now, mind you, I have no problem sharing a bathroom with her, it's just I like my privacy and right now she is invading deeply. "Do you think maybe you could wait until I finish?" I say in a low, calm voice. It's the only way I can talk to her nowadays. **Silence** I simply sigh and continue with my shower, while trying my damnedest to block out the sound of her peeing. I wish the earth would just swallow me up right now. I hate this place, my life, and everyone else's. So utterly oblivious to anyone but themselves, ugh! On my way out the door, I grabbed a cereal bar and a cup of orange juice. I walked down the hallway of the apartment complex and knocked on Dave's door. Dave and I have been friends since the first grade. Everyone seemed to have had friends to play with on the playground at recess, so I normally sat on the swing set by myself. One day, some third grade kids started picking on me and Dave came to my rescue. He and I are the same age, but he had always been bigger and taller than most kids our age (most likely a gift from his German ancestors) so he beat the kids up and dared anyone else to make fun of me again. We've been friends ever since, though I often refer to Dave as my personal protector. If you were to see us, you would find it hard to believe that he and I are friends at all. You see, Dave is your typical high school jock while I, on the other hand, am the typical high school skater geek. In other words, Dave's popular and I'm not. But for some reason I've never been able to discern, he's always stuck by my side. I knock on his door and receive a incoherent, muffled yell in return. That's Dave speak for come on in. Dave lives with his dad. His mother died when he was born, so it's always just been him and his dad. His dad works as a nurse at the local hospital, so he's never home much. Dave basically lives on his own. I found him, wearing only his boxers, sitting on his bedroom floor among a pile of clothes. His light brown hair was tangled in an angry mass atop his head. I took in the scene for a moment before throwing my head back in laughter. His face became scrunched up in a pouting expression, then he narrowed his eyes at me. The entire display only made me laugh harder. "Dude, shut up! I couldn't find anything to wear that's actually clean," he whined. I guffawed for a couple of more minutes before going in to help him. "Do you ever wash your clothes?" "Occasionally," he stated matter-of-factly. I let out a sigh, "Okay, you big baby, let's see what you've got in here." I leaned into his closet and gazed upon the masses of polo shirt, faded jeans, lettermen jackets, football jerseys, and sparkling clean sneakers. I shuddered and groaned inwardly. This was my preppy nightmare. Don't get me wrong, Dave's a great friend. It's his fashion style with which I disagree. He must be able to see the pain on my face because he laughs and nudges my shoulder. "One of these days, I'm gonna make you wear one those," he said, pointing to one of the many polo shirts he owned. I'm the one who laughed then. "Yeah, right." I said sarcastically as I came to sit at the foot of his bed. "I'm serious." And right then he gave this very creepy look. It was so unnatural. It was like he was trying to look into my soul. I squirmed under that steady green gaze that felt like a heat-ray. "What the fuck are you looking at?" I asked, my voice giving away my discomfort. At that moment, I received the shock of my lifetime. There I sat at the foot of his bed as he sat at his computer chair, which was pulled up close to me, staring at me with those light green eyes. He moved closer to the edge of the bed, rolling his chair forward so that both my legs were in between his. I couldn't breathe, couldn't speak. When his knees had bumped the edge of the bed, he continued moving forward with his face. By that point in time, I'm pretty sure I possessed the expression of a deer caught in headlights. His eyes shifted down to my lips. He moved closer. Closer. Suddenly, I could feel his breath on my face. And then his lips touched mine. I couldn't breathe, dizziness was taking over. I fell forward and he caught me in his arms. The kiss never died as his tongue coaxed my lips apart. There was an instant swelling in my pants. What is he doing? Why am I reacting this way? I'm straight! So many thoughts were flooding my mind. When he pulled away, he kept his arms around me. I sat there gasping for air, completely mortified. When I looked back at Dave, he seemed to be cool, calm, and collected. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?" I almost yelled as I attempted to pull away from him. Dave smiled that bashful smile of his and scratched the back of his neck (which unexpectedly caused a stirring in my chest) before pulling me back into his arms. "I don't know it's just...I've been waiting to do that for a long time...and that seemed like a perfect moment..." My face felt like a furnace and was probably as red as my hair. I took a couple of deep breaths and looked back up at him. He had this confident smirk on his face and was staring down at me with those piercing green eyes. "But you're... not gay!" I stammered out. His smirk grew. "No, I'm not but I've been bisexual for some time," He couldn't help but laugh. I'm pretty sure my eyes looked ready to pop out of my head. "I-I..." "It's okay. If you didn't like it, we can forget this ever happened." There was my chance to walk away from this situation and go back to my normal, boring life. But I didn't. Something had possessed me to stay sitting on that bed with my best friend's face two inches from my own after we had just shared a totally breath-taking kiss. I let out the breath I had been holding for God only knows how long and did something that shocked both of us. I leaned into his embrace and snuggled into his naked chest. He tightened his arms around me and pulled me over into his lap, where I could feel his excitement as well. His hand went to unzip my already low-slung jeans and that's when I started to panic, self-conscious about my less than average endowment. "Shh. It's okay. I promise not to hurt you," he whispered in my ear before nibbling on my earlobe. My insides turned to jelly when he did that and I made some kind of 'nnhhh' sound that was totally embarrassing. I felt humiliated, confused, and vulnerable. I also felt extremely aroused and wanton. His shoved his hand into my boxers and cupped my throbbing dick. I let out a loud groan and bit my bottom lip at the undying pleasure as he stroked me. I let my head fall to his shoulder as I shuddered through my release, gasping and moaning softly. His hand and belly were a mess. I whimpered in embarrassment. "Sorry," I said barely above a whisper. He chuckled and held me tightly against his body. I could feel his need pressing my stomach as I rested my head on his chest. I didn't the energy to move much less return the favor. I can't believe my best friend just kissed me and gave me my first hand job, I thought to myself. Then suddenly I became a head case, so many emotions whirling inside me. "What the fuck?" I said, pulling away from him, "I'm not gay, Dave!" I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I'm not gay, I chanted in my mind. I looked at Dave while jerking off his lap and away from him. There was certain amount of sadness in his eyes that made me want to move back to him but I couldn't. I ran from his room and out the front door. I'm not gay, I'm not gay.... Thought Bubbles Kill Ch. 02 After leaving Dave's apartment that day, I was like a zombie. I did everything in my power to forget what had just happened. I went by the library and buried myself in books, but still my thoughts were constantly drawn back to the feeling of Dave's hands on my body. I hid away in the library for most of the day. I had assumed that if he really wanted to come find me, he'd know where to look. He knew when I was really upset, I always went to the library to clear my head. I hadn't seen him, so I knew I was safe. When it got dark outside, I went home walking at fast pace when I passed Dave's door. Okay, so I was running...whatever. That night, I discovered that he had become the new star of my wet dreams. Sandy Taylor, the sexiest girl on campus and the girl I had been pining for since middle school, had been replaced by Dave. What the fuck? I was a wreck. I awoke to the feeling of drying cum on my lower belly. I cursed myself for once in my short life for having a wet dream. Surprisingly, Dave acted as if nothing had ever happened. Dave knocked on my door so we could to class together like normal. I was jumpy as hell and, though I'm sure he noticed, he didn't mention it. It certainly didn't help that we had most of our classes together. While Mr. Brailer droned on about atomic and molecular structure, my mind was on Dave and how his forearm was touching mine on the desk we shared. I gulped audibly, shutting my eyes tight and trying to will away the erection that was forming in my skinny jeans. Had my eyes been open, I would have seen the saddened look in Dave's eyes as he moved his arm away. Needless to say, it was the most uncomfortable ninety-five minutes of my life. As usual, after class we went to the cafeteria to eat lunch. I tried not to notice the giant purple elephant that seemed to follow us into the room. I failed. I was visibly trembling and tripping over my own feet, and I didn't know where to look. And my arms...my arms were twitchy traitors that wouldn't seem to stay in my lap and instead shot to my arm to tug at my favorite wristband or brush my hair out of my eyes in quick jerky movements every five seconds. I groaned inwardly. Fuck my life. I didn't have to look up to know that Dave was watching me. Finally, when I couldn't take his scrutiny anymore, I allowed my eyes to flicker up. My brown eyes met with piercing green orbs. Suddenly, I was mesmerized. "Seth, I'm sorry about yesterday. I don't know what came over me," He said softly. The look on his face was unreadable, kind of distant and sad. Maybe I wasn't the only one affected by this new tension after all. "I'll understand completely if you never want to speak to me again." With that and before I could even try to protest, he stood and was walking out of the cafeteria without another word. Why didn't I say anything? I wanted to, I wanted to stop him. To tell him it's okay and that maybe I wanted what happened to happen again. But, damn it all, it was like a jawbreaker was lodged in my throat. So I stayed there in the cafeteria, alone with Dumbo breathing down my neck, staring at my untouched food. Ugh, Seth you're such an idiot. That night as I walked down the hall of the apartment complex, I passed Dave's door hesitantly. I debated with myself on whether I should knock on his door and throw myself onto him and have him do to me everything I dreamt about last night (I shudder)...or I could just continue walking on by. The latter seemed to be the more sane way to go. Unlocking and opening the front door, I was presented with the sight of 'her' and some guy (who, I'm certain, assumed he was getting some serious nookie tonight) having a make out session on the couch. I almost retched, thinking to myself, 'If only you knew where that mouth has been, buddy'. Looking at her now, one certainly wouldn't be able to tell that once she had been one of the best lawyers in the state. Funny how people change. Distinguished lawyer to elegant whore. I quickly run up to my room and slam my door shut. I stripped out of my clothes and bounced onto my bed. Staring at the ceiling, my thoughts shifted back to Dave. His piercing green eyes, the cute dimple in his cheek that I never noticed before, how it felt to pressed up against his body. What's happening to me? Admit it, you liked it! The voice came from somewhere deep inside me, screaming it. I shut my eyes tight, pushed the thoughts away. Usually when I'm like this, I just pick up the phone and call Dave. But now I don't know what to do. Eventually, after much tossing and turning, I fell asleep. ________ We were in his room, in his office chair. Dave's lips were on my neck, nibbling on a very sensitive spot. His arms encircled me and his hand massaging the bulge in my pants. I moaned as he roughly tore off my pants and boxers. He quickly shucked my shirt and threw me onto his bed. He stripped his clothes off, revealing his well-defined six pack and toned muscles. He was 6'1 of raw sexual power and it made me horny as hell. He crawled toward me onto the bed, pure lust and desire clouding his eyes. He looked like a predator hunting its prey. I was the prey. And I loved every minute of it. He snapped my legs open and moved in between them. Suddenly, his mouth engulfed me. I moaned loudly and shot up into a sitting position, my hands moving to grasp his head. His tongue laved at the helmet of my cock while his hand massaged my balls. I quivered in ecstasy. He sucked and lapped at my dick to edge of completion, then just as I was about cum, he stopped. I whimpered in protest. He chuckled and slid up my body. Wrapping my legs around his hips, I looked into his eyes. I knew what was coming next... I jerked awake, panting. Sweat covered my brow. Cum was splattered on my thigh. I was trembling from one of the most powerful orgasm I've ever had. I collapsed back onto the bed. What is wrong with me? ________ The next morning, as I left out the door, I thought about knocking on Dave's door so we could walk to class together as usual. But instead I decided to cut class and go to the library. I found my favorite spot on the third floor towards the back. I sat on the floor and lost myself in a novel. Suddenly, I was aware of someone standing next to me. I look up to see Todd Singer, one of Dave's football buddies, standing over me. "Where's your bodyguard now, fag?" he asked with a smirk on his face. I wonder if he knows about Dave's bisexuality. "Hmm...better question. What are you doing in a library? I didn't know apes could read." I said casually before returning back my novel. "You little bitch, I'll fuck you up," he spat. "Interesting. Hey, could ya move a little to the left, you're blocking my light. 'K thanks." I knew I was pushing all the wrong buttons, but once I start I can't seem to stop sometimes. I know, I know. Don't feed the beast and all that jazz. He grabbed me by the front of my shirt and slammed me up against an adjacent wall. "Listen, you piece of shit--," I pushed him off me, picked up my bag, and headed to the other end of the library. I didn't feel dealing with apes and their antics. I was pushed roughly from behind, then once again picked up by the front of my shirt. The first blow got me in the eye, I saw stars. "Feel better about yourself now, big guy?" I asked, a smile plastered on my face. That pissed him off to no end. He growled (actually growled..!). I knew he was half animal! The second blow landed on my cheek. The next one split my lip. After that, I lost count and receded to my happy place. My happy place was invented way back when I was younger. When 'she' would come home drunk and angry, I wait for her to bust open the door and lunge at me. Then, I would go to my happy place and dream of pink clouds and floating cows. But this time, my happy place was filled with images of Dave. His big, cheeky smile. His bright green eyes. His soft, kissable lips. And then it was over. I was left on the hard carpet of the library floor. I stood slowly, painfully aware of the new ache up near my ribs. I touched a finger to my lips and saw the blood. I sighed. Me and my big mouth. I went to the bathroom to clean up my busted lip and brush my hair over the big purple bruise that was forming around my left eye. My right had swollen to the size of a small balloon. Boy, don't I look beautiful. I sighed and finished cleaning my face. Then, I went back to my favorite spot and continued reading my novel. Around five o'clock, I left the library and went to the park. My head was killing me, but I didn't want to go home just yet. I like to spend as much time as I can away from 'her'. I sat down on the swing set, the same swing set at which Dave and I had met, watching the sunset. I can't believe I'd lost my best friend over something so stupid. Why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I tell him that I'm not mad at him, but myself? For first time in many years, I felt the beginning of tears sting my eyes. Damn it. I let the tears flow freely, not having the energy to fight them. A small sob bubbled up in my throat and, before I could stop it, escaped from my mouth. Ugh, why did this thing between us have to happen? Why did I have to like it? Hell, my life was no fairytale, but now that my best friend (and only friend) is gone, it's like my own personal apocalypse had occurred. "Hey." I jumped about a foot in the air and almost fell of the swing. When I regained my composer, I looked up to find Dave standing near the other swing, his eyes on the ground and his hands on his pockets. He looked as though he'd just fallen out of bed. His shirt wrinkled and his hair a mess of light brown locks barely past his collar. He acted so casual, like he didn't hate me at all. I felt a mass of emotions rush forth, overwhelmed by the impact. The tears continued to flow. "Hi," I managed to choke out. I shook my hair into my eyes and kept my head down so he wouldn't see my black eye or my swollen cheek. "Don't cry," he said in a sort stern way, "I've never seen you cry until now and I never want to ever again. So suck it up and quit with all the crocodile tears." I looked up into his bright green eyes and smiled a watery smile. That was Dave-speak for stop crying or you'll break my heart. He smiled back at me, then frowned. That's when I remembered how my face looked. I tried to turn away quickly, but he took my chin in his hand and tilted my face up to meet his own. Anger clouded his handsome face. "Dave, it's--," I began. "Who did this to you?" His voice was that deadly calm tone that happens when he's really angry. "Dave, it doesn't matter. I'm fine. I can handle myself." "You call this handling yourself?" he barked as he roughly pushed my hair from over my bruised eye. "Dave, c'mon I'm--" "Who!?" he barked again. I sighed, knowing he wasn't going to let it go until I told him. "Fine!" I shouted, throwing up my hands. "Todd. Singer." "That bastard!" Dave growled menacingly. "Dave, please, I'm fine. I'm okay," He looked into my eyes, that evil look finally leaving his own. "I'm sorry," he mumbled before looking down at his feet again. I smiled. That's the Dave I know. "It's okay, besides...," I hesitated, fiddling with my favorite wristband, "You're not the one who should be apologizing." He looked back up at me. "I'm sorry for the way I've been acting lately. I'm just...confused. I mean, after what happened, I felt insecure and awkward. The truth is I liked what we did. I liked it a lot." I had admitted more than I had wanted, but I didn't care. Dave was talking to me again. I was floating on cloud nine. I looked back at Dave. I couldn't help but laugh when I saw him smiling that big goofy grin. He took my hand and jerked me up from the swing, encompassing me in his arms. I was a bit startled at first, but then I wrapped my arms around him too. "I love you, Seth." It was barely above a whisper but, I heard it clearly. I pulled back a bit and looked up into his eyes, shocked. "Really?" He nodded. "Since when?" "Ever since we met," he said softly, and we both glanced back at the swing set. "And so we meet again," I said, grinning at him. I stood on my tip-toes and placed kiss on his cheek. I just couldn't say it. Sure, I loved Dave as a friend, but...I was still unsure of my feelings. But all of those thoughts were washed away as soon as he drew me back in and kissed me passionately on the lips. I felt as though I was in my happy place, but I knew that this was reality. I'd never been happier. As we pulled apart, my lips tingling, I noticed that the sun had completely set now. We were surrounded in the darkness of night with only the light from the moon and stars, and a few fireflies floating over our heads, like halos. It was like a dream. I felt Dave chuckle, a deep rumble against my cheek. "What are you doing?" he laughed. That's when I noticed that it wasn't my leg I was pinching. "Oh! Nothing--I mean, sorry," I said quickly, my cheeks flushing with embarrassment. He continued to laugh and eventually we both just fell apart in laughter. We walked back to the apartment complex hand in hand. We stopped at Dave's door. "Wanna stay over? We could order pizza and watch bad movies all night," Dave asked staring at me with those piercing green eyes. How could I refuse? "Sure," I replied with a smile. He unlocked the door and led me to his room. Suddenly, I was nervous once again as I remembered what happened last time. What now?