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The Greatest Force Ch. 01

By: holdmeclose



"Jett! I need you," my buddy of 5 years jogged up to me while I entered the cafeteria at West High. We joined hands and bumped chests. Parker was a cool guy; always getting the ladies, always winning titles for Most Popular, always partying up on the weekends, never having a bad day. Everything in his life was perfect in the moment and he always got what he wanted. We weren't very alike, but they say opposites attract. He threw me an incredible 18th birthday party that he funded all on his own, which made me appreciate him more than before, as you can imagine. After that I always felt like I owed him. 

"Yeah, man. What's up? Someone need a beating?" I laughed, walking towards my group of friends that sat on the brick wall, leaning against the cement board, chewing toothpicks and nudging passerby-ers with their chunky boots and shadow of facial hair. The guys didn't take very good care of themselves, so I ended up looking like their lead man even though it wasn't my aim. Compared to their disheveled appearances and ragged clothing, my baseball-tee and Vans with short feathery hair resembled a gem amongst dirt rocks. 

I stopped halfway to my crew so the guys wouldn't tease Parker when we got there.

"Someone needs a beating, and they need it well done," Parker licked his lips as though he had hunger for blood. "Jenna told me about this guy, he deserves this, dude, he's a little bitch."

Jenna was Parker's current girlfriend. He usually scored around 5 or 6 girls per school year, but this one seemed to stick around longer than the others and it was obvious that Parker felt attachment. Never did he care about what any of them said, and usually just used them for good sex. If a girl didn't fit the bill, he'd swiftly move on to the next, which wasn't a hassle because girls were dying to get in his pants for even 5 minutes. But Jenna bore huge, globe shaped jugs - wide, swaying hips - long, silky legs – shiny, platinum blond hair – and a habit of constantly caressing Parker in public and looking at him with sensual, batting eyes. Parker couldn't help it, and honestly, what guy would be able to? Their relationship was the entertainment of the school, and sometimes one of the nerds would flick a boner and turn red at the sight of them. 

Jenna was part of the popular group, who she appeared to be the orchestrator of. Her circle of friends was merciless and cruel, and gossiped 8 days a week, 25 hours a day. For Jenna to say this kid needed a beating probably wasn't the most valid reason, but I went with it for Parker. 

"Alright, sure, if you say so," I shrugged, ripping a piece of bread with my teeth and examining it. "Where and when is this gonna go down?" 

"His last class is Forensics, so if you wait outside the hall of Room 860 with a couple of your guys and knock him out that'd be beautiful!" he pinched his thumb and index finger together and winked an eye at me as to say perfection. "There's gonna be a bucket of ice cold water waiting on the door so make sure you don't run into that," he warned.

I covered my mouth with a limp hand and rumbled with laughter. "You're as shitty as I am, dude," I shook my head, still grinning. "We'll be there."

Zipper and Tommy and I stalled around the hallway exit, waiting for the door to open which would dump an ice cold bucket on this idiot kid, who I imagined in my head to be some cocky ass know it all who thought he was hot shit. I looked for Parker's signal as he sat perched on the roof like a cheetah. Suddenly, he waved a hand and jumped to the bucket. Zipper and Tommy flanked to the sides of the exit as a familiar face walked down the pathway. Parker dumped the whole entire ice bucket right away, so that the kid practically walked into the waterfall of chill a second after it was dropped. At first, the kid was mobile and moving around in attempt to assess what had just happened in 2 seconds. But then came the roaring laughter from all sides, which made him freeze, allowing Zipper and Tommy to pound him to the floor.

I couldn't move a muscle. I stood, staring in disbelief at not necessarily what we had done, but who we had done it to. I was still for about 10 seconds. "Oh, holy fucking shit, no," I whispered, dropping my bag and sprinting towards the circle that had formed around the fight. 

"GET THE HELL OFF!" I boomed, shoving through the crowd and yanking Zipper and Tommy off of the kid. "Ohh," I grabbed my head in my hands at the sight of his battered up face and bloody lip that ran down his chin with the cold water. His eye was already purple and I could see it swell right in front of my eyes. He choked and trembled and slowly backed away on the floor. I spotted Parker outside of the laughing and taunting group, and hurriedly made my way to him. By the time I reached them, the sound of the roaring crowd was lessened and distant.

"Aw shit, man, aw shit, that was a bad move," I said. Parker stood behind Jenna, rubbing his hands up and down her thighs in that tiny, skin tight dress. She wore a blissful smile with gently closed eyes, a deceiving look on such a devilish human. She caressed his neck and bit her lip, slightly looking up to him every time his hands drew a little closer to what kept her around.

"Thank you soooooo much, Jett Foster," she cooed at me, winking one of those angel eyes in my direction. "You did us all a huge favor, you know," she said in a sultry tone.

"Thanks man, you always come through," Parker slapped Jenna's bottom from behind, making her gasp and sending her in a giggling fit. Parker nodded at me, oblivious to my obvious upset state.

"You're not listening to me, you made a mistake," I threw up helpless hands. Me trying to explain why and who and what would be of no use – the popular group remains the popular group – including Parker. I waited a couple of seconds before Parker and Jenna began intensely sucking each other's faces, and then I sighed and made my way back to the group.

When I got there, all that was left was the rallying group, and the kid was nowhere to be found. Tommy and Zipper shrugged their shoulders in question, "What the fuck was that all about?"

I pulled them aside and began to explain. "That kid was Alec Astor,"

Zipper and Tommy stared at me blankly with face that gave away that they were not catching on.

"Alec? Remember? We all had him for English last year? When his friend spilled that Alec's parents practically abandoned him and moved to Brazil and left him the house and like, monthly checks or something?"

Zipper and Tommy slowly began to nod, their eyes searching for more information.

"That fucked him up, dude," I shook my head, recalling when the events took place. "He had nobody. At least he could drive and take care of himself, but then his girlfriend of 2 years split and joined Jenna's group and taunted him nonstop about things they didn't even know for sure. It got worse, man, his emotional state totally crumbled. I think he really loved this girl and that made it hard for him to deal with, or I'm guessing. His friends started dropping, ditching him and never meeting up. He went from this 5 foot 10 guy of maybe 140 pounds to what looks like 125 now, and it looks like he never sleeps, man, Jesus," I was so lost in the story that I didn't realize Zipper and Tommy getting bored. I sighed and waved a hand. 

"Forget it; it doesn't really matter, does it?" I frowned and looked away, disappointed that my friends were such airheads and wouldn't understand. It was ultimately my fault for choosing to befriend such ignorant groups of people. "I'll see you guys tomorrow, yeah?"

Suddenly the two came to life and exuberantly nodded and smiled, slowly backing away while pointing at me and making their way to wherever they intended on heading. I smothered a heavy hand across my tired face and widened my eyes with stress. I picked up my backpack and headed down the road to go home. 

But not even 10 minutes into my walk home, I looked across the street to the sidewalk parallel to mine and saw Alec, still soaked from head to toe, leaving behind a trail of water on the cement due to his soggy shoes. He was bent forward with his hands around his waist, walking with lag. It was a perfect 70 degrees Fahrenheit out that day, but I could imagine Alec wishing it was more on the warm side. Before I knew it, I was sprinting across the street to get to him. A car I didn't see coming nearly hit me head on, but I hurriedly apologized and staggered forward, in desperation to catch up to Alec. The car honked and the driver threw up an upset hand, yelling something I couldn't catch in time. 

I jogged up to him and he did not turn around. From behind I could examine how soaked he was. His navy blue shirt clung to him so closely that I could see his skin, and his black jeans began to reveal little silver fibers full of water. His back muscles tightened and relaxed constantly, and I could see the tips of his fingers squeezing his sides so tight that the color from them had run out and were ghost white.

"Alec?" 

He turned around slowly and then turned frontwards again when he saw who I was. He rubbed his face as I quickly stepped in front of him and came to a stop in hopes that he would talk to me. He walked into me before I put a hand on his shoulder and held him in place. His face was so close to mine and in such nonchalance. For a split second I felt like grabbing him and never letting go. Something about the ratio of his helpless physique against my toned structure sent a warm tingle down my spine. He adjusted his vision and murmured "oh" then backed away a little. 

"Alec, I'm sorry," I apologized. I didn't know what to say – I didn't even know why I was so anxious to apologize since I wasn't fully responsible. I felt so out of my element and lost. "That shouldn't have happened, it was my fault, and I know I can't take it back but I'm so sorry, Alec, I am,"

Astor raised his eyebrows and we made eye contact. "It's fine, I just wanna go home," he relaxed his eyebrows and started walking again, but I stopped him. I caught sight of his hardened nipples, standing out against his smoothed shirt and almost forgot what I was going to say. He was shaking lightly, probably from being cold.

"Please, let me do something to make up for it, I feel," I guiltily half-laughed, "so, so bad."

Alec began walking again, leaving me a few paces behind. He turned around halfway to tell me in a slow, slurred voice that glinted of struggle to keep happy: "It's okay. I'm used to it. I just wanna go home." 

It didn't feel right. I couldn't leave him beaten up and bruised and freezing all alone in his house. I wasn't exactly a morally driven person, but something told me to help him home and attempt to mend what I had ruined. A guy with so many horrible experiences might break under pressure one day and I didn't want to be the reason why Alec Astor collapsed in surrender. 

----

This first part is pretty slow - I wanted to build on characters. Part 2 is more exciting.

The Greatest Force Ch. 02



We didn't speak much on the way to his house since I couldn't think of anything inoffensive or not awkward to say. I assumed he wasn't speaking for obvious reasons – I mean I wouldn't be in such a chatty mood if every day of my life sucked either, so I just went with it. Occasionally I would manage to sneak a look at his defined bone structure on his tired face, or the muscles in his neck that would strain when he adjusted position. His shoes squeaked with water every couple of steps, the only sound to diminish the silence.

Soon I began dwelling on the previous situation and became aware that I was wearing a hoodie and was actually a little too warm for my liking.

"Alec – " I hastily slipped it over my head to nothing but a white shirt underneath and handed it to him. He swallowed hard and took the hoodie, hesitant and slow.

"Why are you being so nice to me? We've never even formally met before. This is the first time I've ever spoken to you. If this is another joke, I'm begging," he closed his eyes for a couple of seconds, "begging, begging you to leave me out of it,"

I didn't know what to say because I knew it was what someone would expect: for me to be scheming constantly and just looking to pick a fight with someone. My strangely kind behavior probably through him off guard and confused him, and I'm not gonna lie, it confused me as well. All I could do was hope he'd trust me. "I just want to make it right." 

He furrowed his brow and swallowed again. "Can you hold this?" he handed me my hoodie and tentatively pinched the bottom corners of his shirt and dragged upwards, arching his back from the cold slip of fabric. After peeling off his shirt, he stepped aside to wring it out. I could see his previously built arm muscles contract and expand with every twist of strength. The sound of the water hitting the floor put me in a trance in pair with the sight of his subtly sculpted V line running beside his light abs. His nipples were still hard and round and perky. It took me immense strength to refrain from walking up to him and rubbing them in, brushing my fingers over his soft, supple – 

"Jett?" Alec was staring with the shirt handed outwards to me. I shook my head into focus and mumbled "oh", took the wet shirt and watched him slip on my warm offering, letting the hood naturally encircle his head. Alec burrowed his chin into the neck opening once he had it on, and curled his arms to his side once again. Seeing him wear my sweater like that did something to me so swiftly that I had to deliberately look away and try to act normal. I was mesmerized by how every little movement he made was so calm and meaningful and unaware of anyone around him. 

The walk was about 5 more minutes after I caught up to Alec, and to my surprise, the size of the house was pretty moderate. I imagined it to be the biggest house on the street considering his parents' careers and spontaneous move to Brazil. But even though it was of normal size, I couldn't think up the idea of Alec living in there all alone. Suddenly it seemed very large and vacant and lonely, and when I walked in, though it was kept neat and tidy, I could tell that I was the first guest he had in a very long time. 

His house was colder than the temperature outside, making his exhausted state release a groan of frustration. He set his eyes on the couch and made his way, leaving me wondering where to put the wet shirt or where to sit or what to do or say. He lay there on the couch in his cold, wet jeans and my warm sweater, shivering still and taking shaky breaths. 

"You can't do that, man," I started. I set the mushed t-shirt on the coffee table and stood in front of him. "You gotta go put on something warm or – something..." I scratched my head. "Can't you get sick like this? Like if you sit around in cold clothes or something? Isn't that a thing?"

"I don't care," he said plainly, uncomfortably adjusting his lower body. His wet shoes began soaking into the couch and I could tell his jeans were becoming colder every second he lay there. So I took action. I pulled his shoes off and tugged off his spongy socks, revealing pale feet that felt icy on my fingers. Alec did not move a muscle while I did this. Then I noticed a scent that I hadn't noticed before. It was a tangy, acrid smell that wasn't of human urine, but of dog urine. I grabbed him by the underarms and put him on my shoulder, he writhed and fumbled and grabbed the back of my head in panic, balling up fists of my hair. 

"What are you doing?!" he asked frantically. I made my way up his stairs, guessing there was a bathroom somewhere on the second floor. I was bigger and stronger than Alec, maybe 30 pounds heavier and most of that in muscle, so his moving around wasn't much of a problem for me and I was able to grab him securely without him being able to escape. 

"Parker and his buddies like to add defining touches to their pranks, and unfortunately, they chose to add a generous amount of dog piss to that bucket of ice water you're wearing right now,"

Alec stopped struggling.

"So unless you want to reek of urine and itch at your legs for ages on end, I suggest you clean up," I pushed open the only unadorned door, setting before my eyes the master bathroom blessed with a wide, pearly tub and separate shower. It was airy and open and calming, exactly what Alec needed at the moment. I set him down on his feet and we stared at each other for 5 seconds. He wore that "what exactly do you want me to do?" face. 

"Take a bath." I nearly demanded. I couldn't help my aggressive tone; it was a part of me, it was who I was, even if I didn't mean it. Everything came out wrong, but Alec either disregarded the harsh tone I spoke in or didn't hear it at all. He still shivered while standing on the cool, tile floor. He still stared at me, not knowing how to react.

I stepped forward and tapped his hip. "Baby steps." I meant to motion towards his soaking jeans, but he still stared at me with those swimming hazel eyes and deep black hair. That feeling of lust took over me again as I peered at his face, only several inches away. 

Too roughly I yanked him close to me by the front belt loops on his jeans. 

Too roughly I undid the button. 

Too roughly I tugged down his fly. 

All this whilst locking eyes with one another, each motion bringing our faces nearer and nearer.

"Take off your pants, Alec," I ordered. He took shivering hands to his hips and pushed his jeans down to the floor, stepping out of the ruffled heap of soggy coldness. 

I tried to be gentle when I grabbed the sweater on his back and pulled it over his craning body, tossing it onto the gemlike sink. I was so turned on at this point that I was afraid of landing a boner right in front of him. But there was one piece of clothing still remaining. 

Alec looked at his briefs and then up at me. "In..in front of you...?" he stuttered, raising an eyebrow. I shrugged and walked over to run the bath, making sure that the ratio of cold water to hot water had hot in favor. About 20 seconds after tending to the bath, I turned around to see Alec stark naked in front of me, in his young beauty and perfect shape. 

His skin was nice and tan all throughout, except for his fingertips and toes that were taking the most cold and turning pale. His runners were long and smooth and slightly muscular. His leg hair was almost invisible. 

Then what caught my eye was his long and thick penis, hanging in mercy around a slightly hairy but very clean midsection. He was cut unlike me, and the tip of his gun was a sweet, fleshy pink. I could only imagine how it looked when he was hard. His body was young, and it was silky, and it became more and more difficult for me to cope. 

He stepped into the tub slowly right in front of me, showing me how his ass muscles clenched and dimpled. I pictured grabbing his ass with both hands and stretching his cheeks apart, digging my fingers into his soft, sensitive skin and giving it a hard smack, leaving an imprint on his left cheek. My brain tingled. My senses went in overdrive. Alec was making me so horny.

I knew I was gay, but I was afraid of Alec being totally straight and having no interest in me. I'd had sexual partners in the past, but none that I first desired to be with, so seeing Alec and having these emotions because of him drove me insane. My past partners were usually dominant over me in bed, so the thought of dominating Alec turned me on. Nobody knew I was gay, and I'd date girls to keep people from asking, but that's what you do to keep a reputation. But the fact that Alec was so lonely and heartbroken gave me a chance to maybe get a VIP pass even if he wasn't gay – that was, if I could make him feel loved.

Alec was neck chin deep in the bath, taking slow breaths and closing his eyes occasionally. He made little noises from time to time that sounded like little whimpers or moans as he twitched in his daydream state. I hung around the sink and looked around the attached walk in closet while he relaxed, and was able to tell when he was done by the splashing of water and squeaking of the tub floor. 

"All done?" I asked. Alec nodded and wrapped a burgundy towel around his waist, rubbing his eyes and his neck. 

"Thanks." He said to me, looking up with childlike eyes and a half smile. 

Again, I acted on impulse and approached him, standing awkwardly for a couple of seconds until I finally decided to lean in and give him a soft kiss on the forehead. Alec swallowed and followed my eyes.

"What was that for?"

I leaned in again and planted a tender peck on his little nose. Now Alec knew what was happening, and I could see his muscles tense and his eyes brace for the following. I leaned in again, but this time held up Alec's jaw to level mine and carefully parted my lips, ever so slowly meeting his, pressing firmly and lovingly against his full pair. 

At first I was dreading what awful conversation would take place after I had finished kissing him, but to my wonderful surprise, I felt his lips push back to me and open to fit mine. Now I was getting really excited; I became hopeful and hasty. Tilting my head slightly to the left, I hungrily kissed Alec in big strides, grabbing his back and pulling him closer to me. I could tell he hadn't kissed anyone in a long time, and found him pressing his hand against my chest while he tried to keep up with my passionate force. He moaned lightly, voiceful and almost orgasmic. 

We touched tongues constantly.

He grabbed my hair. 

My stomach.

My face.

My hips. 

Whenever he had the chance he would take breaths which most times let out a small noise. I also explored the lengths of his body while we made out, but mostly grabbed his back end and squeezed it under the towel. 

I was rock hard, and my dick strained under the pressure of my belt. I could tell that Alec was getting there too because I could feel his penis bouncing against my leg. I took this as permission. Carefully keeping one hand on his back, I slowly inched the other towards his jumping penis and pressed it against his midsection. 

He let out a short gasp and stopped kissing me, looking down at what I was holding in my hand. His grip on my right arm was enough to stop my blood flow, and his questioning eyes traced the movements of my hand.

I rubbed hard up and down the towel, making Alec's grip falter and weaken, making his breath rise again. I picked up some speed at how fast I was rubbing, and mused at Alec's huffing body. "Wow, does he not masturbate at all?" I thought. I leaned my head on his and unwrapped the towel, letting it fall to the floor. Alec's penis was throbbing and pink, sticking straight up against his stomach. His testicles were firm and tight, moving around under the strong sexual pleasure. I spit into my hand and grabbed his trophy tight, sliding up to the head that was pulsing in desire. I teased a little a rubbed the tip with one finger in a slow, circular motion. Alec lost it at once. He gasped and shuddered and dropped his head onto my shoulder.

"Jett!" He moaned loudly. I'd never heard his voice so loud before, and though it wasn't a yell, there was so much power in it. I felt pre-cum dripping down my dick when he blindly grabbed my ear right ear with his left arm. 

"Jett, please, I – " he started in a heavy breath. But I took him in one hand and rolled my palm on his tip with the other while jacking him off and he had no time for words. He throbbed and pulsated and grew hot against my hand. Nearing his climax, he tried to pull away from me, but I was too strong for him and yanked him closer, ferociously beating his dick and flicking the head, shooting spit for lube. We were both sweating in his cold house, against the cold tile floor. Our body heat kept us unaware of the gradually cooling temperature. It was already dark outside and the sun's warmth was diminishing.

"Wait, wait, wait, stop," he persisted, putting a hand to my chest again, pushing against it. His face was blush pink and his body trembled. I knew what was coming, and I wanted him to feel it. I wanted to see his reaction and feel his body shake against mine. I wanted to see him come.

"Unload, Alec, let it out," I whispered in his ear in a soothing voice. "Don't hold back, I can feel you holding it back. Just relax."

Alec sobbed relief into the crook of my neck as he shot 4 threads of hot semen onto his stomach and mine. He half collapsed into my arms, slinging an arm around my shoulders for support. He looked down at his glistening penis while I took it in my hand and slapped it against his skin. His need to catch his breath gave me time to caress his testicles in one mighty hand and play with each of them. I wiped the cum off of our stomachs and massaged it into his limp cock. 

"I don't know how this happened, I don't know, I -" Alec choked, nudging his forehead into my chin. I put a clean hand to his closed-eye face and squeezed it against my neck. 

"Please don't use me, Jett. Please don't use me. God, I'm so lonely," he sighed in exhaustion. "I'm so lonely."

"I think it's time for bed, Alec."



The Greatest Force Ch. 03



Holding a leaning Alec in the crook of my arm, I froze and tried to process what I had just done.

I allowed this broken kid to be publically humiliated for his thousandth time. I allowed it and I watched it happen. I set it up. I coordinated it. I agreed to it.

I followed this broken kid home, and, like I had a good heart, deliberately made him take a bath in attempt to help him.

I grew attracted to this broken kid faster than I had ever experienced with anyone else and couldn't control myself.

I kissed this broken kid on the lips, disregarding how he might feel had I done this, and then grew intensely aroused when he kissed me back with the heat and strength of someone with trapped, burning desire.

I then shamelessly jacked this broken kid off to the point of his pure elation, to the point I know he had never felt before, to the point I knew had put me in a bad spot. 

And now here I stood, holding this broken kid in an arm, standing on his now clammy tile floor on a Wednesday night. 

"Please don't use me, Jett. Please don't use me. God, I'm so lonely," he sighed in exhaustion. "I'm so lonely."

His tone was begging. The words spun around in my head. 

"I think it's time for bed, Alec..." I said. 

But my needs were not yet satisfied, and my penis was still stick-straight under the barrier of my belt. It had been so long since I was held...so long...So I changed my mind, seeking more.

"...Alec, I need you to do something for me," I asked softly, pulling him up and allowing him to focus. I licked my bottom lip and pushed Alec down by the shoulder, barely able to keep patience. I knew he couldn't tell what I was doing because he awkwardly knelt down when I kept pushing him further. I let go of him and averted my attention to undoing my belt, my button, and unzipping my fly, watching Alec's wide eyes hesitantly glance from my face to my midsection.

"I've never --" he started. 

"I know," I interrupted. "But that's okay. It's not complicated," my craving for his lips on my penis made me rush, and I quickly pulled out my uncut rod and motioned for his hand which he placed gingerly on the shaft. "I'll hold the skin back for you, give it a shot," I beckoned, pulling the foreskin back and pressing at my stomach. 

At first I was almost 100% sure he was going to get up and leave, but then he looked up at me for approval as he lightly cupped the head around his pink, plump lips. I sighed loudly, wriggling my upper body, lost in infatuation. I licked my lips constantly, and grit my teeth so hard that it's a miracle they didn't crumble off. I knew that in this moment, he would do anything I asked of him.

He went slow and took his time trying to navigate around and over, a newcomer to all of this. Alec would often look up at me with his now not-so-swollen black eye to see if he was doing it right, and every time I was caught making an expression of complete and utter satisfaction. The foreskin would often slip and return to Alec's tender mouth, and eventually I gave up and put both hands on his half-wet hair. I slowly pumped my penis into his mouth, making short, gentle thrusts onto his curious tongue. I got too excited and forgot that he'd never done this before, resulting in me thrusting too hard and fast, which made him gag and pull away. 

"Fuck, sorry," I breathed, but he had already forgiven me and was jacking me off. His eyes were bright and glistening, amused by this sexual experience. I came faster than I had ever, completely out of my own control, and I shot all over his neck and caught him a bit on the chin. Pulling him up, I tenderly smudged the semen off his chin with my thumb, lovingly looked into his beaming eyes, and hungrily kissed him full on the mouth. 

My goal was to make him feel something he hadn't felt in a long time, or ever at all. I wanted to make him react honestly and be alive. I was rewarded with his usual, accidental moaning noises and eagerness to kiss back. 

"Do you care about me, Jett?" he suddenly asked as I licked his sperm covered neck. He was tense in my grasp. 

I took my time to answer, giving the grooves of his bones the proper attention they deserved.

"I care about you, Alec," I answered, wrapping my strong arms around his warm body and lightly biting his ear. I could feel a steady pace of his heart beating incredibly hard.

"You won't change your mind?" he whispered with a shaky voice.

"No." I replied. I kissed him one more time and then wiped the wet parts of his body with the burgundy towel that had fallen to the floor. I pulled my pants back up and zipped my fly, buttoned the button, and fastened my belt. I grabbed my sweater from off the marble sink and pointed to the wet jeans that were left beside it.

"You're gonna wanna wash those really soon," I stopped in front of him before heading out and caught a glimmer of despondency in his eyes as though he was second guessing something.

"Goodnight, Alec."

He said nothing and let me leave. I didn't hear a sound come from the bathroom for the remainder of the time I was in his empty house. On my way out, I passed through the grand, cherry wood kitchen and opened the spacious fridge in search for bottles of water, which I found laying on their sides on the top row. I greedily grabbed one and cracked it open, closing the fridge door and turning around to look take in the general setting. My eye caught the sight of numerous, transparent prescription pill bottles jumbled around the island, some fallen over and some different colors than others. I walked up to the island and put down my water bottle to examine the pills. 

The first one I picked up was an orange package with red lining with the doctor label reading "Venlaflaxine" and another in a blue casing that read "Lorazepam." Not knowing what they meant or what they were, I put them down and looked at the others. They all had crazy names that I was not familiar with. A little notepad at the corner of the table read "Therapist: Friday at 6" with previous appointment dates above it that had been crossed out.

I sat down and thought again about what I had done to Alec in the past day. I imagined him trying to talk to his therapist and them not really caring. I imagined Alec being lost and vulnerable and without a soul to care for him, all alone in his big house and about his estranged parents who left him for Brazil. 

I gulped down the rest of the water bottle and tossed it in the trash, letting the lid slam with a bang. I purposefully knocked over the capped bottles of medication and walked out of his life-barren home into the brisk, starry night.

------

I lived only a few blocks down from Alec's house, so I relaxingly walked the 15 minutes in the dark. It was getting late, so the houses nearby were dark and only a few had light shining through the curtains in rooms or porches. I familiarized my house from the rest: an average, wooden home with a so-so kept lawn and musky look. It looked like someone pulled it out of Louisiana or Nebraska and plopped down it in the middle of California. But our whole street had houses like this, so we weren't too picky about how it looked. 

Before I opened the door, I knew what I was coming into. The porch was trashed with empty beer bottles, and the aroma of liquor wafted through the front door. I shut my eyes and took a deep, irritated breath and exhaled, grinding my teeth. I could hear roaring voices coming from the kitchen from where I stood. I walked in and down the hallway to find my dad, mom, and aunt wasted out of their minds and yelling at each other. 

When I walked in, everyone stopped yelling and turned to look at me. My aunt passed out on the counter.

"My, my, my, looky here," my mom said in a sarcastic tone, widening her eyes and swaying to the side. "Jett Foster decided to come home!" she laughed hysterically in her mangled apron and disheveled hair. My dad didn't laugh. He didn't crack a smile. He slowly walked up to me, towering over my head and looking down. 

"You want somethin', boy?" his breath reeked of whiskey. His eyes blared with intoxication. 

"You want a beatin', boy? You want a beatin' like last time?" he half whispered. My mom cackled in the back, waving around an empty jug of alcohol. 

I looked up at my dad and glared intensely. I turned away and went up the wooden steps. I could hear him yelling at me from downstairs, throwing bottles at the wall and stomping around. I heard him until I fell asleep.

-------

The only class I had with Alec was English, our fifth period class, which meant it would mean almost all day before I got the chance to see him. Parker and Jenna and Alec's ex girlfriend were also in the same period, which threatened to be an issue but somehow did not turn out to be so. 

I thought about Alec all day, and my mind thirstily hunted for any sight of him as if he somehow had disappeared and I would never see him again. I sat down sloppily in my seat, watching the door for him to come through. Near to last were Jenna and Parker, wobbling around and stumbling into the classroom with each other in their arms, blissfully in love. Then in came Zipper and Tommy, throwing me a nod and bumped their fists on their chests. Then last stepped in Alec, whom I, for the first time, noticed was very, very handsome. 

Before the incident with the ice bucket, I never paid any attention to Alec. Truth be told, he could've landed a spot in the modeling business had he had any interest in it. His eyes were big, always tired and sunken. His body had a nice, natural build and the simple clothes he wore gave focus to details on his face like the little scar on his jaw and the default, narrow look that always set across his face. I could tell that many girls had crushed on him and admired him from afar -- maybe not anymore but definitely in the past. His black eye was still very noticeable, creating a half moon under his cheekbone. He didn't look at me even once when he sat down and tiredly rubbed his face.

"How does that feel, bitch?" Parker teased, looking at Alec with disgust. Jenna giggled. People in class looked to see what was going on, but Alec tilted his head away and ignored him. 

The teacher walked in with her gray hair in a tight bun. She wore thick, black framed glasses and a long tweed skirt. She greeted the class and set down her things, putting a pencil jar on her desk amongst other things. The teacher quickly wrote "Introduction to British Literature" on the board and then pressed down her skirt and looked at the class. She opened her mouth to speak, but then caught sight of Alec and gasped.

"Mr. Astor," 

Alec didn't look up. The whole class turned to him. I looked from the teacher to Alec, then back at the teacher.

"Would you like to see a nurse?" she asked, clearly worried.

"Do you want a band-aid, wittle baby?" Jenna purred. The class laughed. The teacher snapped her a dirty look in disapproval. Jenna smiled and faced the front. 

"I'm fine." Alec said quietly, fiddling with his pen. 

"I don't think you're fine, that looks pretty gnarly," Parker added in. "Maybe Cara should kiss it for you," he looked over at Alec's ex.

"Ew, gross!" she scoffed, throwing a ball of paper at Alec's head. 

"That's ENOUGH!" the teacher yelled. Alec's eyes grew wide and angry and looked at Parker with the 'why the fuck would you say that?' face. The teacher wasn't going to let it go on, and her eyes were glimmering with future referrals. Alec bounced his foot up and down with his head in his hand, looking at the board. I knew he felt the burn of 60 eyes staring at him and looked away as if it would help.

The class continued regularly, and I found myself stealing glances at Alec throughout the whole hour. Parker caught me once, and I shook my head and rolled my eyes as to say 'idiot', and Parker nodded in agreement, running a finger across his own neck. Alec saw us doing this, and slowly turned his head back with droopy, fluttering eyes. 

Class ended shortly after, and I waited for everyone to leave so I could talk to Alec.

"See ya tomorrow, man," Parker and I shook hands and I let him walk out with Jenna. Alec got up to leave, but I put a hand on his chest to keep him from leaving.

"Hey," I said. He didn't respond. 

"Mind if I come over to your place?" I asked, now unsure of what he would say. He shook his head and beckoned me to follow. 

We took his car back to his house. The whole ride we didn't speak a word, but I was already imaging of what I wanted to do. We walked in and he threw his keys onto the table, making his way to the kitchen. Out of paranoia, I made sure to lock the door and look outside to see if anyone followed us. Alec was shaking pills out of their containers and popping them into his mouth with water when I got to him.

"What are those for?" I asked plainly. He looked down at the bottles as though he'd never seen them before. 

"My psychiatrist says I need them."

"Why do you see a psychiatrist?"

"I get heart pains. Sometimes they keep me up at night." 

"Is that like, because of genetics and family history of medical issues or something?"

"No, it's not like that."

I nodded, not understanding, but letting it go. 

"You scare me." He said, looking at me with round, empty eyes.

"What about me scares you?"

He shrugged. 

"I don't want you to be afraid of me," I spoke softly, walking up to him and getting close. I could feel his breath in my ear. His body was tense. 

"I don't get it." He said. "I don't understand you." 

I guided his hands around my waist and ran my palms up his back. 

"I just want you. I want you every day, all the time," I let myself drown in my desire for Alec and the helpless state he was in. Something about his torn up life made me feel a connection and like I could actually do something to benefit someone else. I said whatever I knew would make him fall for me, whatever would make him more willing to be with me. He exhaled sharply and wrinkled his face while I spoke to him, like he didn't want to believe what I was saying. I kissed around his black eye, felt his soft hands grab the collar of my shirt. 

"If your friends asked you about us, would you tell them the truth?" he breathed, grabbing my shoulders when I started to unbutton his shirt.

"Yes, I would," I said, giving him the answer he wanted. "I would tell them the truth, because I have nothing to hide," I cupped his face in my hand. "I would tell them that I've been seeing Alec Astor at his house as much as I can, and I'm not ashamed." I kissed him on his open mouth before he could say anything. 

The night went on with just me and him grabbing one another, us falling off the couch, breaking a vase, overloaded with sexual frustration and stripping naked, but never going past oral sex because I still wasn't sure how Alec would feel about it. I wasn't even sure if he was gay -- maybe he was just looking for some kind of emotional connection to anybody he could get it from. 

He took me to his bedroom and we fell asleep under the white, cloudlike blanket with my leg over his body, holding him close to me until morning broke and I headed back home, leaving Alec in deep sleep by himself. 

I went to his house every day and stayed until the nighttime, always engaging in sexual relation even if Alec was hesitant or denied it at first, always leaving in at dawn before he woke up. In the beginning of me visiting him, he would always seem unsure about our relationship, but as time went on, he gradually let go and looked forward to us being together and seeing me. 

In one month, I had Alec's high school career from A to Z. I learned about how Cara played him and made him think she was head over heels; how he did everything he could for her and never told anyone her secrets but how she told everyone all of his; how she left him and joined Jenna's group and persisted to ruin him in front of masses of people; how his parents left for Brazil because they felt overwhelmed by Alec's disconnection; how he was prescribed treatment for depression and heart pain induced by anxiety or emotional hurt. 

He told me everything. Most of the time I didn't react to him telling me these things in the way I should've, or I would unintentionally shrug it off when he gave up such intense information and instead focused on kissing him down his shaking body made of smooth, supple skin. But in time he stopped seeing his therapist and reduced to just three medications instead of millions, and just needed my company to be a little better than he was before we started seeing each other.

One night when I was over I just felt like loving Alec to no end and sending ribbons of passion to him. Usually we would be completely naked, but tonight it was a little chilly so we kept on our boxers. I laid him down on the bed, and set myself above him so I could have room to tenderly kiss his silky skin wherever I wanted to. 

"I want to love you forever," I hummed. "I never want you to be alone again," I slid my bottom lip over his tight nipples, rubbing my face into his chest. He made a noise that sounded of distress, and when I looked up to him he wore a frown and furrowed his eyebrows, uneasily moving his shoulders. I slid my hands under his back and pulled him up to sit on my lap. I put a gentle hand to his cheek and held his face to look at me, wanting him to speak. 

"I lo - "

"Don't say it!" Alec voiced loudly, pushing his face into my hand. "You can't say that to me, don't ever say it to me," he folded his arm and rubbed it against his chest, then harshly dug his palm over his heart. He shook his head and let out moans of sadness, then pushed me back so hard that I fell back and supported myself with my elbows. He started to get up to leave, but I grabbed him by the wrist. Alec tried to escape my grasp even though he was well aware that I was 5x stronger than him.

"Tell me what's wrong, Alec. Every time we see each other, something isn't right," I grabbed his other wrist and pulled myself up. 

"Something isn't right, that's exactly what it is," Alec said. "I do whatever you want me to do, I let you into my house every single day and I barely know anything about you. You go from being raw and merciless to someone who for some reason loves to be with me. I don't trust you, Jett, I can't! How could I?" his breathing quickened. "I need to go downstairs. I need my medication." 

"What do you want from me?" I tightened my grip on his hands. "You want me to be raw and merciless to you? You want me to hurt you?" My short temper started to kick in and I forgot who I was talking to -- but how could he not appreciate what I was giving him? 

"Let me go, Jett, I need to go downstairs." Alec looked me in the eye and tried to rub his chest with his elbow. 

"No. Tell me what you want from me - right now. You want me to be mean? You want me to be rough?" I pushed him down into the pillow with great force, positioning myself on top of him and still holding his wrists together. "I can be rough, Alec, it's in me, it's alive and ready, just tell me you want it," I started to break a sweat. "It's my choice to be gentle with you, it's easier for me to be impulsive and unforgiving, let me do it my way!"

Alec's arms gave in and could no longer resist my hold. I pinned his wrists down to the sides of the pillow and cravingly dipped my head into the crook of his neck, rushing him with hard, intense kisses.

"Hhhhh!" Alec inhaled, taken aback by the sudden power. I passionately kissed him full on the mouth, leaving no opening for air, delving into his sweet tongue and pushing my chest against his. His heart pounded harder than I'd ever felt a heartbeat. He breathlessly kissed back, moaning and gasping and shuddering when I cupped his head in my hand and pulled it up to kiss me deeper. 




The Greatest Force Ch. 04



Alec and I lay side by side on his unmade bed. He stared up at nothing while I musingly stroked my finger against his cheek and picked up on every detail of his face.

A part of me hated myself for doing this almost every night. Who was I? Was I the well-respected bully with the reputation at school or was I this? This curious, loving, gentle, transformed guy with Alec? Every time I came to see him, I turned into someone else, and my mind had a difficult time differentiating between which one was the real me and which one was an act.

"Someone asked me why I still go to school everyday," I said. "I wonder the same about you." 

Alec laughed shortly, and then his face fell. "It's lonely here." He stared at the ceiling without blinking. "At least there're people at school. Yeah, they kill me, but at least there're people. Something."

I searched the lines on his face, never looking away.

"I know why you come to school everyday." He said, turning to me. 

"Oh, yeah?" I said, challenging him.

"Yeah. You're escaping something too. Something's not right. You wanna get away, don't you? I see it in you. In everything about you. You're at war with yourself." 

We stared at each other with blank faces.

"And you'd rather be laughed at by thousands of people rather than hide away in your house, then? You'd rather be degraded every day, is that it? You some kind of masochist?" The attack was unintentional. My mind was trying to come up with anything to avoid answering him, for having me figured out.

Alec looked me in the eye with his lips slightly parted. "Sorry." 

"Don't act like you have me all figured out, Alec. You don't know me. You don't know anything, you hear me?" I rose like a lion, arching my back and supporting myself with my arms and climbing on top of him. He didn't move and followed my gaze. My temper was hot and I could feel myself burning out of embarrassment and vulnerability. 

My voice grew stronger. "You don't needa know about me. You just needa be available when I want you to be available." 

Alec gritted his teeth. "What am I to you, Jett? Your whore? Your bitch? What's our relationship? Are you doing this for the both of us or are you doing this for you?" he slammed his hands against my chest, but I didn't budge. Suddenly I became aware of what I had been saying and where it was leading.

"Get out. I don't need you." Alec's voice shook. "I don't need any of this, I don't need anyone!! Get out!!" he furiously punched at my arms on the verge of breaking down. I held him down as hard as I could and yelled at him to look at me while he shook his head from side to side, not wanting to listen. 

"God dammit!" I kept his arms down with my forearms and held his head still between my hands. "I'm sorry, Alec, I'm sorry! I don't know why I said that, please," my face was weary with desperation. I was so angry with myself. Alec was pounded with confusion and the inability to understand, and he helplessly stopped struggling and unintentionally pouted. 

"I like you so much, Jett. I hate myself for liking you, I hate it, I hate it! I don't know what to believe anymore, I'm so tired of feeling like this." He breathed hard and his chest twitched. I knew what was happening and gently placed a hand over his heart, moving it in warm circles. He slowly calmed down and let out a soft moan, wrapping his legs around one of my legs, a token of appreciation for knowing his needs. 

"I'm sorry." I whispered into his neck, giving him goosebumps. He grabbed my neck and pulled me down onto him. He took my hand and guided it to his penis. 

"You can make it up to me." He whispered back. I bit his bottom lip and squeezed his hardening package, sending him into that familiar state of anticipation and desire. 

"I want you to go all the way this time." His words surprised me and suddenly I became rock hard. 

"Are you...are you sure?" I massaged his growing penis in my hand, eager to move on. He nodded and kissed me harder than he'd ever kissed me before - with more power and truth than ever before. 

I greedily kissed him back and prepared myself for what was to come. This was what I had been waiting for the past month, and to have him suggest it first made me crazy. I rubbed his chest with one hand and then lowered it to pump his throbbing cock. I had only fucked someone once before - every other time, I was the one being fucked. I wasted no time and flipped him over, marveling at the smooth, soft, round ass that invited me to play. 

I dug my hands into each cheek and deeply massaged them apart, licking my lips when I saw his pink, perky hole. My fingers couldn't stay away and slowly stroked over it, making Alec gasp and jump. I knew he was a virgin, with both men and women (never having scored with Cara), so his reactions were much stronger than someone who would frequently had sex. I looked down at my shiny, stick-straight penis and couldn't imagine fitting the head even halfway in. I oozed precum and stroked myself as if my dick were a king. 

Alec was really tense, but readier than ever. It dawned on me that I had no lube, and asked Alec if he had any.

"I found a bottle of lube in my parents' nightstand." He crawled to the edge of the bed and pulled out a bottle of lube from under the frame. "I guess lube is lube, right?" 

Before Alec could crawl back, I grabbed him by the thighs and yanked him towards me, propping him up on all fours, accompanied with a beautiful view. He laughed a little, and looked back at me to see what I was doing. I took the lube from him and messily poured it onto my dick and rubbed it in, then took the rest that was on my hands and milked Alec's dick with it, which made him drop his head and and writhe in pleasure.

I spread his cheeks apart again and squeezed the bottle upside down so that the lube would fall perfectly in his ass and down his ball sack. It was getting the bed wet and messy, but Alec didn't seem to mind. I slowly rubbed it in, making sure to put extra pressure every time I passed over his tight hole. 

I thought not giving Alec a warning would make it easier for me to get in, so I slapped his ass a couple of times and tried to make him open up hard enough that I could enter smoothly. 

I teased him and wedged my penis between his cheeks, pumping in and out while rubbing his back.

"If you exhale hard, it eases some of the tension," I schemed. To my victory, he did it, and my penis entered right on time, allowing the whole head to nestle comfortably in his ass. I groaned and Alec choked, grabbing the sheets in his hands. I slowly and carefully pushed a little deeper, not being successful at first.

"Alec, take deep breaths," I cooed, rubbing his lower back. He followed what I said and eventually, after struggling to gain proper rhythm and having Alec breathlessly moan and adjust position, I had picked up a moderate speed and was enjoying every second of it. 

We were both sweating and huffing. My thighs would clap against Alec's ass every time I went deeper, and our skin stuck together for brief seconds at each meet. I held Alec in place while I increased speed and watched my penis disappear into his ass and suddenly reappear with every slap. He said nothing the whole time, just moaned and gasped and shuddered, which made me feel like I was doing something right. 

After several minutes of me fucking him in the ass, I wanted him to feel what it was like to ride my dick instead of being pounded. I pulled out and flipped him onto his back and pounced on him for a kiss. He was out of breath and we were both sticky with sweat which turned me on more than I already was. His little sensual movements and nonexistent complaints made me enamored of him intensely, and all I wanted to do was hold him forever. 

"Alec, we're gonna try something different," I got off of the bed and picked him up in my arms so that his legs were wrapped around my back and his arms were wrapped around my neck. He was so easy to carry that I had no issue taking him over to the cushioned, reclined chair and sitting down on it with Alec still in my arms. Our penises were touching and he was sitting on my thighs with his legs touching the floor. I leaned back and put my hands behind my head, totally relaxed and ready to watch him ride my hungry dick. I knew I had to help him in the process, so I told him to stand up a little and sit on my penis, which made him raise an eyebrow, but he went with it anyway. 

I positioned my penis at the entrance of his hole, and he slowly took over control and lowered himself onto me. His face scrunched up and he moaned loudly, not used to sex. I pushed him down by the hips and watched his face react very lively. He trembled before carefully lifting up and coming back down, but soon he got the hang of it and was eagerly riding my dick, hips swiveling and all. 

I had never been so turned on in my whole life. Watching Alec lose sense of reality and completely engulf himself into riding my dick made me want more than just sex from him. I rhythmically thrust my dick into him when he started to pick up the pace, and watched him bite his lip and throw his head back when the speed got so fast that his dick was slapping against his stomach and nearly down to mine. I grabbed it with a strong hand and furiously stroked it up and down, spitting on my hand for lube that was left on the bed. His mouth hung open while I forcefully beat his dick, and we came at the same time. 

I unloaded inside of him, which doubled the release of his orgasmic yell because he came right when I did this. 

"Holy shit! Oh, fuck," his voice got high, falling forward onto my chest, smearing his cum between us. "Ahh," he voiced, wrapping his arms around my waist. I ran my fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head for a long time. He breathed hard and even. The rise and fall of his body against mine was peaceful and satisfied. 

"That felt so good." His body started to get heavy with sleepiness. "I wanna do that all day with you." He said in his naturally innocent voice. 

I laughed and pulled him up higher so I could kiss him on the lips. 

"We can do it as much as you want."

"Hey, man, how come we never hang out anymore? What are you doing tonight?" Parker stopped to talk to me between classes. 

"Ah, well tonight I got stuff to do," I lied. "You know just things at home,"

"What? Like homework?" Parker laughed. "Just forget it for a night; let's go hit up the theater later,"

"Nahh, I can't, dude. Sorry," I shook my head. "I know I always bail on you, and I don't mean it like that I -- "

"Well it's only the fifth time you said no, I'm starting to think you're seeing other people. Let me check your phone, don't be cheating on me, babe! Don't do me like that!" he joked, punching me in the arm. I laughed with him, meanwhile imagining what it would be like to end our friendship. We said goodbye and went to our classes.

I waited for 45 minutes after school in the usual spot behind the basketball courts where Alec and I would meet up before heading to his house. He didn't show up for the first time, and I couldn't think of what it could be. Did I say something the night before? Was there something I forgot to do? Maybe he just needed me for verification that he could still maintain a relationship and decided to leave. The possibilities of what could be going on were endless, and I continued my list as I stuck my hands in my leather jacket pockets and strolled down the walkway by the main buildings. 

I thought I heard someone behind me and looked back, but there was no one. I shrugged it off and continued walking, but then I heard it again. It was a grunting noise with a familiar voice speaking on the side. My ears searched the direction of the sound, and after spinning in a circle twice, I followed it to the back alley of the parking lot.

There was no one there, or so I thought. Behind the dumpster I found Parker with Alec in a headlock. I almost didn't see Jenna and Cara standing off to the side, leaning against a railing. Alec's hands were desperately clinging to Parker's arm, and his main objective was to get any breath he could. I was taken aback immediately, not knowing what to do and afraid of what Alec would say.

"Whoa," I blurted out.

"Great timing, bud," Parker smiled at me while struggling to hold Alec. "I wanna teach this bitch a lesson, it seems like he didn't catch the drift the first time," he tightened his grip on Alec's neck which made Alec kick in the air and huff. My forehead began to produce a film of dewy sweat in my panic, but I managed to keep calm.

"What did he do, exactly?" I asked looking right into Alec's puffing face and pressured eyes that pleaded for me to help him. 

"Giving me looks in class and shit," Parker spit on Alec's face, "Ignoring Jenna when she asks a simple question. And Cara just deserves to see this idiot in pain." He nodded towards her. 

Jenna walked over to me slow and sexy in her tiny pink tube top and little white daisy dukes. She pushed her hair to one side and put her hands on my shoulder, leaning in to me. 

"Will you go give Parker a hand with that, Foster? You're a biiiig, strooong man," she cooed. "Show that loser Alec who runs this place. Give that black eye a long lasting friend, hmmm?" she pressed her breasts against my arm and took my hand. 

"Yeah, come on, Foster," Parker said. "Lay down the law," 

I looked from Jenna, to Parker, to Cara, to Alec. "This isn't my business, dude," I stepped away from Jenna. 

"What do you mean this isn't your business?" Parker froze. "All those guys you beat up -- they're not your business either and you do it anyway, so what makes this different? You suddenly have a heart?" he let out a weak, menacing laugh. His face fell in disgust. "What, you guys friends or something? You friends with this bitch?" he shook Alec in his hold. Alec didn't let out a single noise. 

"Don't tell me you two are friends. Don't tell me you care about this guy," Parker chortled. 

I looked Alec in the eye and raised an eyebrow. "I don't care about this guy, Parker."

At first, Alec did not react to this at all, but in less than 30 seconds I could see his eyes swell with tears, and his breathing grew uneasy. 

"Oh, good," Parker said. Alec made struggling noises pained to get away. Through his choked throat and nearly indecipherable, angry speech, he looked right at me and yelled, "I knew it!"

Parker couldn't tell what he was saying and grabbed Alec's hands and roughly held them behind his back as if he was going to handcuff him, then slammed him up against the wall. The bruised side of Alec's face was smashed against the bricks, and now he was eagerly breathing in all the air he was denied earlier. Hot tears ran down his face and fell onto the black floor.

Alec wheezed and trembled immense amounts, so much that I thought he might collapse.

"God, this guy doesn't give up," Parker said in exhaustion. He averted to his humorous personality. "I started to think maybe this was why you're never down to hang after school -- 'cause you hang out with this piece of shit," he laughed and then became serious. "But I'm still kind of suspicious, don't blame me," he grabbed Alec's head and pushed it harder against the wall. "I need you to beat him. Right now. I just need proof that this guy means nothing to you, or else things are gonna change around here." Parker was dead serious.

I was torn between saving the new relationship I had with Alec and the since-childhood relationship I had with Parker. Whatever choice I made, I knew the results would be dramatic. Was I to save my reputation and essentially my life, or to save Alec's feelings and not delve him into more hurt than he was already burdened with? 

Seeing Alec's face flood with runny tears and how he shook from the resistance to cry made me feel like I had nothing left to lose. I braced myself. Then I spoke. 



The Greatest Force Ch. 05



"We come from broken homes." 

Parker froze in place, foreign to my undiscovered, brighter tone of voice. Jenna adjusted the leg she was leaning on and stared at me. Cara dropped her hands. 

I pointed at Parker. "You come from a broken home." 

I pointed at Jenna. "Your home is hella broken." 

I pointed at Cara. "And you just like fucking shit out of proportion."

"Your life is shit, Parker. Your mom acts like she's still 18 and your dad is a cheating, shameless bastard. I get it. It's shit. Your life sucks ass at home so you make up for it out here."

"Your parents don't know how to raise a fucking child," I turned to Jenna. "They only had one kid, one fucking job, one fucking job and they fucked it up."

"Parker." Jenna crossed her arms and frowned, expecting her boyfriend to stick up for her.

I was working up a momentum and I felt hot blood surging in my veins. "And you're the worst kind," I faced a casually leaning Cara. "Because you don't even come from an unloving family, you've got the world in your hands, don't you, sugar? Rich daddy, rich mommy, mansion home, bad ass Range Rover years before you got your license, a guy who would do anything for you the instant you asked for it, who you deliberately led on for ages without," I bounced in place and tightly pinched my thumb and index finger together, "an ounce of remorse while you could physically see him deteriorating before your eyes, you heartless bitch, you sick fuck," my voice rose and shook at my last words in overwhelming emotion. 

They all stood the same as they were, except now all of their jaws were gaping open. Alec was crying silently, but now more than before, never looking away from me. 

"How am I even saying this when I've done the same?" I thought to myself in panic. "Who the fuck am I? What the fuck am I doing? What the hell have I done?" My head started to spin and I felt maniacal. I was overcome with the urgency to fix what I had ruined.

"Jett," he choked through Parker's still-iron grasp. I disregarded Alec and his expression that begged for me to not do what I was about to do. 

"And I," I pointed to myself and paused, feeling the heat in my blood film over my face. "I come from a broken home. My family is fucked up. My parents are fucked in the head. I'm fucked in the head, just like them. I'm a fuck up. And I fucked up extremely bad in these past months, more than any of you." I desperately batted away the promising, dewy tears in my eyes. "I made a mistake." I looked at Alec, whose lip was shaking under shuddering breath. "I made a mistake. I was selfish. God, I'm barbaric. I'm an animal." 

For a second, I lost my words in the reflection of Alec's tears, in the gentility in Parker's stare, in the dumbfounded expression across Cara's smooth face, in the, for once, straight face on Jenna's mask. I felt hopeless, homeless, stranded in the fog over me.

I helplessly laughed. "But I like being that way, or I don't care, at least. I don't know why...it's just who I am...it doesn't feel wrong in the moment...it's so natural...and because of it I took advantage of the one of us with the most broken home, and the most broken heart. At first I thought I became one of you, but I've always been one of you." I stood awkwardly and sighed and fiddled with my hands and looked around in attempt to avert my own attention from crying. I rubbed my forehead. "I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know why I lied." My eyes steadily rose to meet Alec's still gaze, still and strong. "I do care about Alec, and I think it's shit that none of you do. What reasons do you have? You don't have any, really, do you?" 

One by one, their stances and their faces slumped and hunched over more and more, growing with shame and regret and confusion. Alec jumped up suddenly, startling Parker and dying to wriggle or writhe or claw or kick his way out of his enemy's arms.

I saw Alec dig his palm into his chest, and watched his face crumble into a sob. 

"JETT!" Alec managed to shout. I took a step forward out of instinct and held out an understanding hand, making sure to not ruffle Parker's feathers.

"Parker, let go, come on," I pleaded calmly. "It's important, you can't do this." 

"I can do whatever I want." Parker said nastily. 

He yanked Alec's head up by his hair, revealing the stinging, blush red hue that had formed in the hollows of his eyes. His sunken features seemed to be growing more and more weary. He looked up at Parker and whispered "please please please," then his knees gave in and as Parker released his grip, Alec fell to the floor. 

He agonizingly crawled on the floor to his backpack that was thrown 10 feet away and hurriedly fetched out one of the bottles I'd seen lying on his kitchen table the first time I visited. Two pills were sent down with a trembling hand. I felt ashamed watching this happen, not being able to imagine what the pain in his chest felt like even though he'd explained it to me once before. But of course, I hadn't listened to him. Catching glimpses of words and a couple of words here and there was all – I never opened my ears to him when he was talking about serious things. My ridiculous behavior was replaying before my eyes. Alec coughed painfully and grabbed his chest, laying flat on his back on the concrete floor. We all stared at him struggle to sit up and breathe steady again. 

"What the hell was that?" Parker was upset, feeling excluded from major details, as though this issue with Alec should've been something I told him about so we could poke fun at it.

"Why are you acting like this?" he finally said to me after fearfully looking at Alec. "What happened to you?" 

Jenna had almost reached the wall where Cara stood against with her arms crossed and bearing a little pout, offended by what I had said earlier and Parker's inability to defend her. 

During the 30 seconds it took for Alec to go from Parker's arm to the floor by his backpack made me calm down. My voice was casual again, that returning nonchalance and confidence that I bathed in every day of my life. The mask I wore for myself and everyone else. But this time, it was a different motive. 

"Go big or go home." I shrugged and chuckled. "You're a cool guy for the most part, Parker, and you're the closest friend I've ever had even though we're not 'best' friends." Parker smiled glumly. I tried my best to save my friendship with Parker and not totally destroy Alec as my lover. "But your friends are shit excuses. My friends are shit excuses. The only friend I have that isn't a shit excuse is Alec, and I don't even," I uncomfortably dropped and raised my hands and quickly looked back and forth from Alec to Parker.

"I don't even know what we are anymore. I don't know what this is, I just want this day to be over, and for once, I just wanna go home, dude." 

Alec got up to leave and seemed to be whisked away with the gentle curves of the wind. He was gone before I had the chance to turn around to watch him go. I felt disgusted with myself and didn't know how to feel, and there was so much fury and embarrassment pent up inside me that I just felt like crying in front of everyone and dissolving into the air that was fresh and crisp against my skin that glinted with sweat. 

But I didn't. 

I just left. 

I didn't say anything to anyone, and no one said anything to me. 

They watched me walk away. 

I could hear Jenna's heels clicking around in slow circles, deciding my fate.

------------

Taking a different route home in hopes to avoid bumping into Alec, my mind ran over a summary of what had happened back in the parking lot. I stopped in my tracks and dropped my hands. Slow, sarcastic, forced laughs of disbelief escaped my mouth and my head looked left and right like a lunatic. Did I just do that? Was I that stupid? All I had to do was live normally through senior year and I'd be set, but I fucked it up. I fucked it all up. Now I had a major problem to deal with. 

The rest of the journey home consisted of me putting my hands atop my head and pressing down as if to delete my memory of all that happened and start over. 

I prayed for a time machine.

A do over.

A genie.

Anything. I wanted anything to go back and change it.

Of course, inevitably, I ran into Alec. The stunningly quiet, collected, patient, bright-eyed soul sat in wait for me on the curb between where our two houses crossed blocks. The rings around his eyes were irritated and still red, the type you get after crying a lot where your eyelids sting to touch. His elbows rested on his knees, his head rested in his hands, and we stared at each other until I passed him by and he stood up to talk. 

"Jett." He called. I kept walking, not looking back. Anger and guilt tickled my chest. 

The sun glowed loud and strong, pouring warm, golden sun onto the earth as though letting water out of a bucket. The sky tinted purple and orange, a typical Californian sunset. Clouds of yellow and pink smothered the sky. My back was to the sun. I focused on the strong and heavy shadow under my feet. 

"Hey." Alec's voice cracked, hesitated. I didn't stop. 

"HEY! YOU NEED ME!" 

I stopped cold in my step. In a couple of seconds, I let out an angry chuckle. I turned around.

Tilting my head and squinting at Alec for clarification, "What did you say?" 

He was not comfortable with being loud and outspoken, anyone could tell by his shaking hands and constantly readjusting facial features. He wasn't confident at all, and he was afraid. But even though he trembled on the outside, his shout was deep and smooth, bearing the strength and honesty and belief of nothing I'd heard before. His shout was true, sure, unshaken. 

"I don't need you, Alec." I stated bluntly and shrugged. "Not anymore."

"You need me," he replied quickly. "You don't have anyone to love you in your life and you feel like no one loves you either, I can tell. That's why you're so rotten. But I can change it."

"So? What are you saying? You love me?" I laughed, annoyed.

Alec didn't speak. I adjusted my standing position so instead of looking at him sideways, I faced him completely. His head blocked the sun, creating a crown of gold around his feather-soft hair that smelled ever so lightly of freshly peeled tangerines. 

"I don't know if you've noticed, or if it has been even close to obvious, but I'm extremely detached and emotionally numb. There's no way I'll come to love you."

Out of the sheer determination set in Alec's heart, for god knows what reason, he pushed aside what I had just said and continued on his own.

"I see you at home sometimes when I go on walks. Through the window. Your dad beats you,"

My eyes averted to the white picket fencing along a neighbor's lawn. I impatiently bounced my foot up and down. 

"I remember you'd come to school with bruises. In the locker room. All over your body. You told everyone you were wrestling with your friends, I remember."

I shut my jaw tight and looked at Alec again.

"I couldn't figure out what you did to make him stop...but one night, when you came over, I noticed the cigarette burns on your sides."

I felt like throwing up.

"You started hurting yourself. He didn't have to anymore."

"You don't know SHIT!" I screamed unanticipatedly. Alec didn't flinch. 

"I know how it feels to have no one." Alec said bluntly – so casually, so plainly. "I know you don't want to love anyone, 'cause everyone you love either hurts you or leaves." He frowned. "Why would you think I don't know that?" 

Shaking my head in refusal, denial, rejection and mistrust, I shook in my skin and felt a steaming tear cut down my face. Alec walked up to me and hovered his cheek right next to mine, not touching me with his hands – just standing there. His sweet, cool breath immediately drifted into my ear. 

The sun was visibly starting to set, the half, brilliant globe of light standing on top of the suburban homes. 

I stood staring into the sun. Just then I felt a flush, silky touch against my cheek. Alec's lips were careful and gentle while his hands moved to hold mine. 

"I'm no good." I tried. "You know it. Why do you keep coming back for me?" But Alec moved his lips to mine, passionate and calming behind the radiance of the yellow star. 

For once in my life, or for as long as I could remember, I let my heart take over – something I thought I would never do again and thought I'd forgotten how to do. 

I rested a broad hand on Alec's delicate cheek, lightly moving him into my lips and rubbing my thumb across his jaw. I felt like I was kissing him goodbye, or kissing him in apology, or kissing him to love him and wanting him to love me too, all in the span of a sunset, in the middle of our neighborhood, in the spur of the moment. I pulled his face apart from mine. We stopped kissing and stood in the after light of the sunset with our foreheads touching and our hands hesitantly intertwined. 

"What you said back there," Alec broke the silence. "It – it meant a lot to me. For you to say that...I never thought you would do...something...like that..." Alec stammered.

"That's because I've never done anything like that," I laughed anxiously, rubbing my nose.

"Well, you shouldn't let it all go to waste. I mean...go big or go home...right?" 

I laughed faintly, then laughed freely, then laughed exuberantly and crossed my arms over my chest. I leaned in to land another drop of love onto Alec's blushed, plump lips. For a split second, my imagination wandered and I visualized making love to Alec again. 

"I really want to go to your house right now." I shyly admitted. 

Alec didn't need to say anything. All it took was the winking light in his eyes and I turned around so he could jump onto my back. We ran through the darkening street, under the soft purple sky that lingered in light as long as it was granted. 

Alec's weight was no burden to my strength, and I was able to let go of his legs and spread my arms wide while running in the cool air. We laughed and shouted in relief. I spun around in circles and he kissed me on the cheek again and again. His cold arms remained fastened around my neck, promising to hold on forever, trusting me not to falter. 

I'd never seen Alec smile so big and for so long. Little wrinkles around his eyes and laugh lines on his cheeks began to show through, as though he'd been happy once before, and slowly but surely the past joy began to return to familiar ground. Every time I looked up at him, he sported a bright, pearly toothed smile with twinkling eyes and full, genuine laughter. It looked and felt like all of the wonder and happiness in him had been stored away for ages and suddenly it had found its way out and was savoring every single second of being alive. He warmed my heart and made me feel like I'd done something selfless and good and right. 

We barged into his house and bounded up the stairs. I took no time to lay him on the bed and slip him out of his rolled-up sleeve sweater and reveal his rounded, pebble nipples that puckered farther when I rolled them in my fingertips. His ribs were bruised, and a reducing swell shown on the skin above his heart. His face was scratched and prickled with drying blood, and his sweater sleeves and back were dirty from the parking lot floor. But he didn't seem to care or be aware of any of this, and instead focused on tracing the lines on my upper arm...lightly running cautious fingers over the healing cigarette burns on my side...

"You did it there so no one could see." Alec murmured. His raspy voice made it nearly inaudible. I pushed my palm from his stomach, up his chest, around his neck, and to his face, cupping his cheek in one mighty hand. I watched him watch my body. I sat on my knees above his midsection and stretched tall so I could peel my shirt off of my back. 

"I don't want to talk about the past." I threw my shirt to the floor. "Or my problems." I propped myself up on my elbows. "Or anything about me." I let my face venture close to Alec's. "Just you. I wanna hear about you."

"I always tell you about me, Jett." He slightly shook his head. "You never listen." 

I smiled subtly. "I'll listen this time." Alec looked into my eyes for something more.

"I promise."



The Greatest Force Ch. 06



"I used to have nightmares all the time before I met you that day."

I started undoing Alec's pants while he talked to me. His body swayed lightly at each tug and pull I forced -- the difference between our strength being very evident. I could break his arms in a couple of seconds if I wanted to. Or crush his ribs. Or throw him across the room. His refusal to worry about this fact was unbelievable and stunning. Knowing Alec trusted me that much -- me being nearly twice his size and being very capable of falling into an angry fit -- said a lot about the level we had achieved in our relationship. 

"All the time. There wouldn't be a night that went by that I didn't wake up in cold sweat."

I tore off all of our clothing and grabbed Alec in my arms.

"Dreams about my parents mostly...or sometimes the dreams would be flashbacks of memories that I don't like thinking about. Sometimes about Cara."

I carried him to the bathroom just like the day of the incident. I set him down on the ledge of the bathtub and ran hot water. There was a small blue towel hanging on a rod that I used to gently rub away the dirt that clung to Alec's face.

"The ones about Cara didn't come as often, but when they did-" Alec winced and fluttered his eyelids at the pain of tiny rocks leaving his skin, "they were usually the worst."

Alec rested his chin on his palm and watched the water run while I fetched a lighter from the sink drawer and lit the candles around the tub. 

"I've been fucked over so many times that I lost track of how many times it's been." He said coldly. 

I turned off the water and dipped myself in. The tub was so spacious that there was still extra room in all directions. I waved a "come here" hand and watched as Alec lowered himself in with me and rested his back against my chest. He sighed deeply as I wrapped my arms across his chest and kissed his hair. 

"Ever since you started staying over, I don't dream about anything. It's just black. There's nothing. It's so quiet and peaceful." Alec laughed quietly. "Kind of like you're a human dreamcatcher."

"A dreamcatcher." I repeated. 

"Yeah." Alec whispered. 

I lapped water in my hands and softly ran it down Alec's face to wash away the leftover dirt and blood. He closed his eyes and let me take care of him, probably savoring the moment for as long as he could. I could imagine the last time anyone physically cared for him was more than just a couple of years ago.

I pushed his hair back with a damp hand and massaged his chest. He took my hand and guided it over his heart, wanting me to focus on the area. The skin was still a bit bruised, and his shoulder twitched the first time I put down a heavy hand, but eventually he relaxed and let me go on. Several seconds passed before he spoke again. I felt his body vibrate.

"The doctors don't know what's wrong with me." Alec's voice was high. He sobbed once and covered his face with his hands. I slowly stopped rubbing his chest.

"They tried everything, it won't go away. First they thought it was cardiomegaly -- like a -- like an enlarged heart," Alec's speech quickened. "Then they thought maybe it was thyroid cancer or arrhythmia or something but they decided it was just depression and they loaded me up on meds," Alec dropped his hands and frowned through his tear stricken face, "but the meds don't even work, Jett. They're supposed to prevent it from happening but they only work if I take them right after it happens." 

I didn't know what to say. In the moment I felt it was better to not say anything at all.

"It feels like I'm dying." Alec sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "Kind of like someone's taking the dull end of a knife and trying to pry my heart out..." 

"Why does it happen?" I questioned, guiltily and curiously, massaging Alec's upper arm in attempt to soothe him.

"I'm not really sure..." he shook his head. "But it only happens when I feel hurt about something." He sniffed and wiped his eyes. "You're the only person who knows about it. I've never told anyone before. It's sort of embarrassing." He laughed weakly. "It's actually really embarrassing." 

I smiled and warmly laughed at his naked honesty. I squeezed him in my arms and pulled him up to look at me. His bright eyes released one gorgeous, spherical, sparkling tear as he smiled up at me.

"I like you a lot." I blurted. "I like you so much."

His bottom lip trembled faintly before he curved his head to graze his feather-soft lips over mine. We lingered that way for a couple of seconds before I impulsively allowed my body to rise like a lion and lunge for a kiss. Water fell over the side of the tub as we wrestled in it. I could feel that Alec's penis was nearly as hard as mine and wasted no time in fumbling for the drain plug and getting up with Alec still against my body. 

We kept our lips locked while walking backwards towards the pearly, grand shower. We stumbled in and Alec hastily twisted on the hot water without looking. The showerhead blasted cold water, causing us both to gasp and laugh. While the water warmed up, I took Alec's throbbing penis in my hand and dragged him closer to me. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow with water trickling down his eyes and over his lips. 

For the first time in months, I came to notice that Alec always trembled when we were getting intimate. His hands would shake lightly and he'd occasionally bite his lip in anticipation. It made me a little anxious when I noticed this. Suddenly I felt like I was responsible for the balance and steadiness of the universe. 

"You've done this so many times before, I can tell" Alec said. 

I grinned wide. "All to get to you." I tugged him in my hand and let the water warm him up. 

"You have to show me how to do this stuff," he moaned as I stroked his shiny cock. "You're the only person I've ever done this with." 

I pushed my body against his and held his ass in my palms, pulling it together and apart. 

"Don't worry about keeping up, just go with it." I cooed. Alec nodded in my shoulder and sneakily grabbed my penis. This caught me by surprise and a splurge of precum escaped freely. He played with it in his fingertips, examining the foreign, sticky substance. 

I pushed him against the shower wall and lifted him up so he could wrap his legs around my waist. "Holy fuck, if my parents knew about this-" Alec clung to my neck. 

I positioned him above my twitching, hungry penis and pressed ever so slightly as to warn Alec that I was about to make my move. He didn't seem to object, and I slid in smoothly against his tight walls. I couldn't tell if it was easy entry because he was relaxed, or because I was much stronger than Alec. Either way, it felt amazing, and as soon as I picked up a steady rhythm, I carried him under the falling water and watched him rise and fall against me with his mouth gaping open and his hair clinging to his forehead. Every so often, Alec would squeeze his eyes shut and grab me a little tighter, still not used to having sex and slightly pained by it. I held him by the thighs and slowed down, thrusting deeper and longer. Our heavy breathing intermingled and Alec's gasps of pleasure paired perfectly with his clambering hands that searched for something to hold. 

When I leaned him up against the shower wall once more, another thought occurred to me that had never before. I considered having sex with Alec as "making love." Not just having sex for the sake of having sex -- but because honest emotions were behind it and were driving the action. I'd never considered that to be the case with the past people I'd slept with, and this new realization made me uneasy. I wasn't sure of whether or not I felt okay with it -- the thought of me possibly getting too attached. The earlier feeling I had of balancing the universe in my hands came crashing down on me. I didn't want it.

I suddenly stopped before either of us could come. I pulled out of Alec and left him catching his breath against the running water. He watched me walk into a towel to dry and then back to the bedroom. 

Alec didn't join me until a couple of minutes later. He'd dried himself off as well and held a towel in his hand while he stood in the doorway. We looked at each other for awhile. He watched me get situated on the bed and I watched him rub his neck with the towel he held. 

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked shyly.

I shook my head and frowned. He pulled on a pair of pajamas bottoms and sat at the foot of the bed, rubbing his face in his hands. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and fell backwards, landing on the billowing sheets, his face leveled with my hips. 

In less than ten minutes I found that Alec had fallen asleep. I pulled him up by the underarms and tucked him under the sheets. 

--------------

It was around 2 A.M. when Alec knocked out. I swung a leg over his body and pulled him close, knowing how he liked to be swaddled and held tight. 

The flickering light of the red candle cast blush colored hues across Alec's sleepy cheeks. His hand was under his face, making his cheek look chubbier than it actually was. 

His eyelashes moved a little from time to time, lost in the haze of a dream. 

Unconscious fingertips twitched and reached out for something, always ending up bumping into my chest. 

His breathing was calm. 

Even. 

Relaxed. 

The perfect intervals of the rise and fall of his body were in tune with the world around him. Alec inched closer and closer to me throughout the night until there was no more space between us.

I noticed all of this because I never fell asleep.

I just stared at him for hours. 

-----------

Getting up to leave before the sun rose, I slipped out of bed and walked up to the window where a chilly wind was wafting in. Dew had coated the glass, and some drops fell away as thought they were frightened at the faint sound of shutting the window. 

I turned around to see the upper half of Alec's back uncovered by the brisk, white sheets. The muscles and bones in his body were shadowed behind the light of the candle. I stood still to catch the slow sighing of his body. He twisted in place and faced me, but still asleep.

"Jett..." he murmured, grabbing for me next to him, only holding empty air and a fistful of blankets.

I blinked once, coming back to my normal senses.

I grabbed my shirt, slipped on my shoes, and walked out the door.

------------------

There was a sense of uneasiness hosted in my body from the moment I started walking down the stairs, almost like the universe was trying to tell me something...trying to keep me from doing something...trying...

I opened the door quietly and stepped into the hazy air. I was looking down for the most part but as soon as I looked up, all that was in my field of vision was Parker. 

"Hey." He snarled. No words came out of my mouth.

This wasn't good.

It was 2 in the morning, I had just walked out shirtless, and most importantly, out of Alec's house. I stuttered and stammered and blinked profusely.

"I figured." He laughed evilly. 

"Look-" 

"Save it, Foster. I'm not telling anyone about this." 

Though Parker and I had been friends our whole lives, something in the way he spoke made me suspicious.

"If you agree to the deal I'm about to propose." Parker twiddled his fingers together. His nose was a pinky red in the cold.

"Shoot." I beckoned. 

"Nobody knows about this...this..." he searched for words, "sick, love affair between you and the loser as long as you each give me something I want."

I blindly agreed.

"Hosting a big party, we are. Jenna and I, that is. Tomorrow. At 9. Can't have it at my place. Too overdone." He tapped a finger on his chin. "Can't have it at Jenna's. Too girly." Parker smiled rudely. "Can't have it at your place. Too wasted."

I sickeningly rolled my eyes, impatiently waiting for him to ask what I already knew.

"How about this place, hmm?" He asked innocently. "It's nice and spacious. Great neighborhood and," he pointed behind him, "gets a great view of the sunset, don't you think?"

My stomach churned. How long had he been following us? How much did he see?

"How long have you been waiting out here for?" I asked, a little shaken. 

"That's beside the point," he waved a hand as if to wipe away the question. "Yes or no? Little loverboy in there gonna agree to this or am I going to have to do some dirty work?"

"Yeah. Yeah. Use the house for your party." I shrugged. "Go ahead."

Parker bounced up and down to warm up his body. "Great. That went better than I planned it would, bud." 

I started to walk away, but Parker jumped forward and grabbed my arm. I snapped my face at him and watched his shiny square teeth glisten as he spoke.

"We haven't discussed your part of the deal."

Frosted breath wafted out of our mouths. 

I knew Parker was about to request something that would not come easy. 

Something he was aware would be a difficult task.

One with dire consequences. 

A major risk. 

He parted his lips so slightly, then spoke darkly:

"You provide...all...of the booze."

===============================================

Note to the reader: I appreciate your commentary more than you know. I love seeing you read between the lines and analyze character traits and predict future events and get angry. I love seeing you get angry. That may sound sarcastic, but I'm not being sarcastic. Seeing passion come from you because of the series is wholly gratifying. I value the readers that keep coming back and the readers that divulge me with how they feel about the writing, including those who e-mail me (I try to reply to as many as possible) -- you're all truly fantastic. Thanks for being so involved. 

P.S.S. I usually submit a new chapter in less than a couple of days after releasing the last -- the site takes about a week to put it up (not very sure why, I don't mean to keep you waiting that long).



The Greatest Force Ch. 07



We stood staring at one another for several seconds. Parker's request was extreme. 

Me? Provide all of the drinks? He was well aware of what he was getting me into. Just because my parents were full blown alcoholics didn't mean getting the alcohol was a breezy task. 

"You're pushing it a little, don't you think?"

"No, Jett, I don't! This sounds fine-fucking-dandy to me!" Parker cruelly rejoiced. He settled down when I didn't return the sarcastic happiness. "You know...I always had a feeling about you..." he tilted his head, "God, there was always something there..." Parker clicked his tongue, "something different...always looking for a connection in whatever was around. Mommy and Daddy never loved you enough, did they, bud?"

"Get. The fuck." I stepped forward. "Out. Of my face." I got threateningly close to him and felt my upper lip twitch. I felt a cross of anger and hurt. "There's no party. There's no booze. You're not using this house." 

"What, you gonna beat me, huh? You gonna pull your tough-guy act on me?" Parker laughed out clouds of cold breath. "I'm all you got, you fucking retard. I created you." He shoved me away with the gentle strength of suppressed annoyance. "I know everything about you, bitch. You think you have your low-profile shit all under control? You think you have it all planned out? You think you filled in all the cracks? Put together all the pieces? Got rid of everyone that knows something about you? Well, you forgot all about the key ingredient to making this work. You forgot about me, bitch. You fucking forgot about me, bitch. Everyone FUCKING forgets about ME!" Parker slammed his fists against nothing in the air and stomped his feet wildly, then froze and stared up at me, huffing breath with an erupting look of fiery anger enveloping his face. A strand of hair came undone from his tidy, combed-over hair and hung down his forehead. 

"Okay, Parker," I backed away a couple of paces and started bringing up a calming hand, urging him to relax. "Let's just take it easy-"

"I know everything about you, Jett. Everything. I know the shit life you have at home and your shit parents that don't give a shit and the shit you put up with and the shit you hate and the shit you love and the shit you want and the shit you need and the shit you think and the shit on the shit on the SHIT!" he shook with incredible force while speaking. "You're fucking this loser because he makes you feel something, doesn't he? Doesn't he? And Jett never feels any-fucking-thing, Jett's just always cool and mellow, nothing fucking matters! That's what makes you the best guy for beat ups, you don't feel any fucking regret. You don't feel a fucking thing. You're always looking for something to make you cry or sing or get angry or jump for fucking joy because those feelings never fucking HAPPEN without someone's help. And you hate yourself for it, I know you do, Jett, you hate yourself for being so numb and Alec's the one that's gonna save you, isn't he, Jett? He makes you feel looooove, he makes you emoooootional because he reminds you of yourself, doesn't he, Jett? Wouldn't you agree?" Parker's eyes lit up like a madman. "He's practically an inverted mirror image. Your parents hate you up close, his hate him from far away; you feel lonely because no one will leave you alone, he's lonely, logically, because everyone leaves him alone; you have physical strength, he has mental strength; the only difference here is that you've got a heart as cold as this fucking night and he's willing to give you everything!" Parker was yelling now. 

"It's FATE! What are the ODDS!" He annunciated greatly and threw his arms out at his sides. "Why would you think I didn't have it all figured out? I know you like the back of my fucking hand, you little prick. I pick up on all the details. I see it all. I know it all. No one knows you better than I know you. Even I know you better than you know you. I'm the most dangerous piece in your game, Jett. You need to reevaluate your next move." Parker quickly shoved his hair out of his face with a shaking hand and took a deep breath. 

I stared in bewilderment, in fear, in awe, so heavily intrigued by what had just happened.

Flashes of memories of childhood with Parker flooded into my brain, remembering his innocent face hanging from the widened poplar trees in his dad's golf course backyard. At the age of 7, I never would've assumed we'd turn out to be the way we were now: hurt and lost and losing sight of what we promised would always matter most.

------

"Let's stay friends forever." Parker dangled from the tree upside down in his tangerine colored shirt and grass stained cargo shorts. He had always been taller and stronger than me until high school. Even though he was only 8 months older, Parker was always the one to protect me and show me things I had never seen before, like the radiant flower field that met between our homes.

"Papa's always talking about how people change, like Mama, but we'll always be the same." He grunted and pulled himself up, jumping down from the branch.

I never spoke much, but Parker always knew I was listening, and he always knew what to say. 

"Cross your heart." He gave me the same look he gave me the 7 years of our lives; the same one would give me for 11 more; the look that sought promise. 

I dragged my index finger across my heart in an X and smiled, cherishing our non-blood related brotherhood. He crossed his too, and we ran in the never ending field, whooping and hollering.

Two years later, my parents had gotten in a more intense argument than any I had experienced prior. I was trapped in the middle of their vulgar screams, being hit with household items that were being flung from my mom to my dad. I tried to run for the door, but my mom grabbed my arm and yanked me back.

"This is your fault, Victor! I never wanted a kid!! Look at him! He's good for nothing!!" 

"Good for nothing?! He's good for plenty, come here, you little twat," my dad pried me from my mom's hold. Her nails scraped my skin. He balanced a cigar in the corner of his mouth and pulled me up by my shirt to cradle me in his arms.

"Tell Mommy all about what we did last night, huh?" My dad spoke so lightly that I grew more afraid than I was the night before. "Tell her how productive we were." My mom hurled a hardback book at my dad and it hit him in the cheek. He yelped out in pain and dropped me, my perfect chance to escape.

I threw myself out into the backyard and sprinted so far that I ended up in the flower field a mile from home. I fell into the red and yellow tulips, my arm bloodied by my mom's nail raking into my skin to hold me back. Glancing towards our raggedy little house, I saw no one coming after me. Nothing in the distance. No movement whatsoever. And for a moment, I wished someone had come after me.

I let myself fall into the fully bloomed ocean of orange and yellow and red and green. The first time I'd been in this field was when Parker and I were running from a couple of blood-seeking teenagers that decided to chase us down the road.

We had been biking downhill together and as soon as I turned my head to catch sight of Parker, the edge of my brake handle scraped the door of a mint-condition '64 Cadillac, belonging to the snotty 19 year old who had gotten the Caddy as a birthday gift from his parents. If he and his friends hadn't been hotboxing the car when I horridly looked back to assess the damage, we never would've made it out in time. The boy flung himself out of the car, smoke flying out into the golden air. He bent his knees and grabbed his head. All of his friends got out and started chasing us down the hill as soon as Parker yanked me off the bike, ditched his on the side of the road, and told me to run. 

I followed him through the thick, mangled bushes at the side of the road, heart pumping with exhilaration and fear. We could hear the boys shouting and cursing and jumping over the prickly branches our small legs had to struggle through. Parker grabbed my hand and made a quick left, and immediately we were sent tumbling down the grassy slope, eventually into an abundance of poppies and stringy dandelions. 

"Come on, come on!" Parker hissed, stumbling to get up. I crawled to my feet and looked behind me, expecting to see the angry group close behind. But they had been left above, still in the trees, running in the wrong direction. A smile slipped out onto my face as Parker pulled me by the shoulder.

We walked through the field, crossing sunflowers and tulips and chrysanthemums and a whole array of flowers I had never seen before in my 7 years of life. 

"How did these get here?" I asked, looking down at my feet the whole way. I bumped into Parker's back and looked up to see him pointing at a humble shack about half a mile away.

"Ron Reppen. He sells the flowers to the bigger stores by our houses. One time he gave me a donut."

"Oh," I said shyly. "Mr. Reppen is nice." 

"Mama said he can't pay for the ground anymore so he's going open a liquor store." 

"Like with beer?" 

"Yeah, and candy too." 

"I don't want him to open a lick-store."

"Why not? They sell the spicy chips."

"I want the flowers." 

Parker sat down in a bed of poppies and snagged one out of the ground, twirling it by the stem. I knelt down beside him so our knees were touching. I rubbed the ruby petal of Parker's blossom and looked at what it had left on my fingers: a dusty red. 

Parker leaned into me while I was examining my fingertips and we both lost balance. I fell on my back and he fell forward, planting an innocent peck on my lips. I stared at him, waiting for an explanation.

"Why'd you do that?" I blinked hard.

Parker shrugged. "Mama said you kiss the people you love."

The golden hour began to close, and the sun sulked in the sky, drooping towards the horizon. We ran around and picked an array of flowers and bundled them together with stems as a makeshift bouquet for Parker's mom, breathing in the fresh, abundant air.

That was the same field I had fled to time and time again. Now 9 years old, I closed my eyes and relived the memory, wishing my body would sink into the ground. Suddenly, I heard a frantic rustle growing behind me. I hunkered behind the rows of overgrown flowers and searched for what I thought would be my predator. Out came Parker, looking in all directions for me. I sat up and met his eyes.

"I saw you running through the field." He panted. He looked at my arm, puffing pinks lines emerged from my skin as though I'd been mauled by a baby tiger. My face was dirt stained and streaking with muddy tears. He turned around and crouched, wanting me to jump on. I crawled onto his sweating spine and clung to his neck, resting my head against the back of his. 

"Just hold on to me," he wrapped his arms under my knees to keep me up. "You'll be okay."

I wept silent tears down his neck the whole way to his house. He never asked me what happened, and he never asked me why I cried, but somehow he knew. Parker took me to the shed of his house and bandaged my arm as carefully as a 9 year old boy could possibly manage, and then he gave me his iPod in effort to make me happy. We sprawled out on the grass and each had an earbud stuck in our soft, pink ears. We listened to Frank Sinatra and Ray Charles until night fell and Parker's mom came out on the porch calling his name.

"Keep it." He whispered, curling his side of the earphones into my small hands. He ran to the shed and tossed me the charger. "Turn the volume up really loud when your parents fight. That's what I do." He started to hurry back to his house.

"Wait!" I called. Parker looked back and stood to listen. "What will you have when your parents fight?"

He side stepped up the grassy hill, ready to go back.

"I'll come find you."

----

"Now. Let's try this again." He smoothed out the wrinkles of his shirt and cleared his throat. "I'm using this house for my party tomorrow. You're bringing all of the drinks." 

"Re...PEAT." Parker gritted his teeth.

"You're using the house, I'm bringing the drinks..." My mind was swimming in past memories.

"Good. I'm glad we straightened that out." He flashed a toothy smile at me and patted my chest. 

"See you tomorrow."

Parker threw on his hood and walked off in the direction he must've arrived. 

----

My mouth held tightly shut as I walked back into the quiet house. For all the years I knew Parker, I had never seen him that way. Parker had always taken the time to make sure I was okay, but never once had I consoled him or worried about how he felt.

I flopped down onto the dark green couch and fixed my eyes on the black and white photo that sat in a frame above the fireplace. I stood up and walked over to it, balancing the weight of the glass frame in one heavy hand and using the other to run my fingers over the dusty film. Alec was the only one in the photograph, photographed from the hip up, several feet from the person snapping the shot. The person taking the photograph must not have told Alec the picture was being taken, because he was looking off to the side with a toothy smile on his face so big that anyone could tell that the image was capturing genuine laughter, frozen in time. His eyes crinkled at the corners and grooves gathered at the edges of his mouth. His smile was so alarmingly brilliant. Truly breathtaking. His teeth glistened and his lips bore a healthy sheen, even through the black and white filtration. 

I smudged away the rest of the dust, uncovering his torso. His right hand was holding his heart.

I sighed and set the photograph back on the ledge but still my eyes stared swimmingly. Impulsively, I snatched the frame up and unhinged the back board, prying the picture out and carefully holding it by the edges. I gave it another look for maybe five seconds then slipped it into the front of my jeans since it wasn't small enough to put into my pocket without bending. 

One of my shirts from another night was hanging limply over the side of the couch. I wriggled into it, trying to ignore the stiff coldness it had acquired from sitting in the frigid weather. I looked up the stairs as I headed towards the door, expecting Alec groggily call for me or come down the stairs to ask me where I was going without him. 

But he didn't.

So I left. 

-----

"Get in here, you piece of shit." 

My mom sat on our wooden porch with a green glass bottle dangling from her fingertips. She violently stood up and grabbed me by the neck, digging her talons into my skin and making me cringe. She pulled me through the house, into the living room, where my dad sat on a couch chair, a line of crack cocaine set up on the coffee table in front of him. He was watching television and blowing O's with a cigar while twiddling an envelope in his hand. My mom shoved me down onto the couch and dizzily propped herself onto the armrest. I looked at her in both disgust and fear. Her wiry blonde hair, her sagging skin, her yellow fingernails, her snickering laugh and her nasty drinking habit -- it all made me so embarrassed. She swung her almost empty bottle up and took a swig of a mix of who-knows-what in the green bottle. She slapped my face in the direction of my dad, who was calling me over with a silent, beckoning hand. I burned with shame and anger. 

I slowly got up and cleared my throat nervously. What was in the envelope, I could not imagine. All I could think about was the fury in my dad's eyes. 

I walked over to him.

"Hey, Dad." I choked. My dad looked up at me for a couple of seconds, and then let out a pathetic laugh. He took a long drag of his cigar and took his time to blow O's into my face. I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath as they invisibly hit my face. My hands tapped impatiently at my sides.

He tossed the envelope at me, but I didn't catch it in time. I knelt down to pick it up. My mom sneered behind us.

I pulled out a light green paper. My report card.

I undid the trifold with faltering hands and looked over the 6 letters. 

All A's. 

I blinked excessively and stammered, trying to find the words to say, afraid they wouldn't be what he wanted to hear. 

"I have a 4.0, Dad." I felt pathetic saying it and couldn't figure out why. I felt pained and stupid and the only word that would come into my head was "lame."

"A four point oh. A foooour point ohhhh!" My dad laughed loudly. Abruptly, his face fell. "Why do you do this? You do this every year."

Words refused to form properly on my tongue and I stood stammering again, half shrugging. 

"You know you can't get out of here, son. You can't be anything. There is no future for you. Why are you trying?" My dad enunciated heavily on the negative words. He spoke to me as if I were mentally challenged. "Why do you have straight A's? Do you feel that this will help you get into a college?" He put out his cigar and shook his head with a pouty frown. "You're not going to college. You're staying right here. You're not smart enough for the outside world. This is where you belong."

"Where you belong, that's right, where you belong!" my mom cackled. 

"A lot of universities have already asked me to join their campus in the fall, I just-"

"Nobody wants you." The dilated rings of my dad's eyes burned with false sympathy. His eyebrows pulled upwards into a pitiful frown. I felt tears sting against my eyes. I looked around for any distraction, but all I could see was a blur. Feelings of sadness and anger and desperation and confusion all crawled into me. 

"They won't like you, son. Best you stay here and get a job at the liquor store and provide for your family. Mr. Reppen is looking for help."

"Yeah, they won't like you. Get a job with Mr. Reppen at the liquor store." Shrilly giggles tickled my ears.

"Do you understand?" the deep voice spoke calmly. His stubbly face and disheveled hair made me queasy. For a German man, he looked like white trash.

I nodded lightly.

Suddenly, I felt sick and wanted to cry. 

I felt like breaking down right there, right then, without explaining to anyone because an explanation wouldn't be needed. I felt like I deserved to break down. I deserved to throw a fit. I deserved to scream and cry and fall to the floor on my back and drown in the tears that would never stop coming. 

I felt like it.

But I didn't. 

"Now come here and sit on your daddy's lap." He opened his arms wide. "It'll be just like old times, won't it?" A smile crept across his face. 

I didn't move. 

"Come on now, son. Don't be shy." 

He stood up, making me feel incredibly small. His build was gigantically made up of raw muscle, which is rare to see in bummy men. 

He had his ways of keeping in shape. 

"It's been so long, you've kept me waiting. You're never home nowadays." A heavy hand fell on my shoulder. 

My heartbeat quickened and I became tense. 

My mom left the room.

"I missed you." He spoke softly. 

I thrashed myself away from him and ran up the stairs, skipping three steps at a time. I slammed my door shut and bolted it across, feeling my head shaking inside. I could hear my dad's boots stomping up the steps.

"YOU JUST LOVE GETTING BEAT, DON'T YOU?" 

I jammed a chair under the doorknob and moved to the corner of the room, holding my hands over my ears. He violently shook the doorknob.

"GET OUT HERE, NOW!" 

He slammed himself against the door.

"YOU'RE NOT PULLING THIS SHIT AGAIN, YOU PUSSY."

I could hear my mom screaming in drunken excitement behind him. I pressed my hands against my head until I became used to the sound of him banging against the door.

He slammed himself against the door again and again, rattling the lamp and clock on my bedside table. If I hadn't thought ahead in fear and added a deadbolt the week before, my dad would've pushed his way in by now. 




The Greatest Force Ch. 08



"How long is the Great Wall of China?"

"About 13,000 miles."

"Is it true that the Great Wall is one of the only manmade creations you can see from space?" 

"No, not true." 

"What else can you see from space?"

"A shit-ton, Alec. A shit-ton."

"Do you wanna go up in space one day?"

"Would you be coming with me?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Then yes."

There were few things Alec loved more than sleepy, early morning talks. I would be the only sleepy one, actually. Alec would be wide awake and brimming with questions, looking down at my head in his lap, my mouth open, drooping to the side thanks to gravity. 

"What's 3 thousand times 412?"

I took several seconds to answer. I felt an eyebrow twitch.

"1 million, 236 thousand." 

Alec twisted the leaves of my hair around his finger. 

"What's the capital of South Africa?"

"Pretoria...Bloemfontein...and Cape Town." My words were groggy. 

Drowsy. 

Slurred. 

"What? South Africa has 3 capitals?"

"Yes. They divide the government branches into 3 separate locations." 

"Oh...interesting..."

I yawned wide and sighed, nuzzling my face into Alec's thigh and turning my face away from him. 

"Mmmmmm..." I smiled with closed eyes. "You always smell so good..." 

"And you always tell me how good I smell." Alec laughed. I giggled quietly and wrapped my arms under his legs. 

"Jett..." Alec lightly palmed the grooves along my back, running his fingertips through the ridges of my spine, curving upwards around my shoulder.

"Hmmm...?"

"You're comforting." 

I took time to process his words.

"I never get tired of you. You're the greatest person I've ever known."

I slowly opened my eyes and closed them again. 

"I'm sorry," I thought. "If I'm the greatest person you've met, I am so sorry." 

"There's so much I want to tell you." I said quietly. 

Alec reached outward to turn my head towards him. "Then tell me." 

"I can't."

"Why not?" he begged.

"You'll get mad at me." 

Alec let go of my face and slumped back. "Then don't say it."

I turned around again with open eyes and slipped a hand under my cheek, staring at nothing. 

----

The walk back home was the calm before the storm, I was aware of that. I took advantage of how wonderful the cold, subtle air felt against my bare arms and how delicate and effortlessly captivating the dew drops on the drooping trees appeared to be that morning. I distracted myself from what I knew was coming and used everything I could see and feel to keep me calm. 

I turned the corner and could see my house. 

But look --! I thought to myself. The sky behind my house is so beautiful this morning, isn't it? A gradient succession of gold, green, grey, and a deep blue above. Wow, are early mornings in California breathtaking or what?

I began to walk slower.

The birds aren't even awake yet. The sound of nothing is such a brilliant sound. No people. No barking dogs. Well...one barking dog...

I approached the fence of my house.

Damp wood...I always liked how that felt. I wonder who made this fence.

I walked up to the screen door and looked straight at it. I squared my shoulders and reached for the handle.

"You'll be okay."

I slipped behind the screen door.

"You'll be fine. It'll be fine. Why are you worrying? There's nothing to worry about."

I twisted the doorknob, sending a crackling noise on its way around the house. I waited to hear a voice, but it was silent.

"Mom?" I called, slowly opening the door. My voice rang through the house. I made my way inside and looked around the kitchen. The cabinets were flung open. They had definitely noticed the missing booze. 

"Jett, is that you?" My mom called from the family room.

I froze and looked in the direction her voice was coming from. I walked over and saw my parents lounging on the couch, a grey and dingy sight. My dad was reading the newspaper with his glasses at the tip of his nose and his mouth hung open. My mom was lying down, her head resting against his arm. 

"Your friend is waiting upstairs." My dad grumbled.

"What...? Who?" 

"What other friends do you have?" My mom sneered. "Parker."

I was about to speak, but changed my mind. A frown found my face and turned into a look of confusion.

"Well, go on then." My mom said exasperatedly. 

I bounded up the stairs and pushed open my bedroom door.

"What are you doing here?" I said immediately.

Parker was going through my iPod.

"Dude, some of this stuff is 10 years old. It's almost exactly how I gave it to you!" He marveled. I walked up to him and snatched it out of his hand.

"I asked you a question." 

"I told your parents I took their alcohol." 

The same look of confusion from earlier came over my face. "Why did you do that?"

"I know what your dad would've done if he knew it was you." The corner of his lip twitched. "He told me you two were going to spend a long night together..." he looked around in embarrassment. "I didn't know it was like that until he said that, I thought-" Parker stuttered. "I mean I thought he just hit you and stuff, I didn't-" he stopped himself. 

"Well, this mess is because of you anyway so...am I supposed to be thankful or something? I don't really understand what your aim is, here." I rudely jutted. 

"I know, I know. I gave them money to make up for what you -- I mean I took. Well, it's not my money, it's my dad's, but you know." He took a seat on my bed and stretched out on his back. "God, I remember playing in here." Parker looked at the table beside my bed and lifted his head, intrigued by something. "Hey," he pulled Alec's photograph from under the lamp, "what's this?" I jumped on him and snatched it out of his hand, but I was too late.

"Aw, you keep a picture of him on your nightstand? That's cute." He chuckled, inches from my face.

"Get out." I purposefully annunciated my words. 

"Okay." Parker straightened himself up and sighed, making his way out. He stopped at the door. "But I can't promise I won't come back." He attempted to joke. 

I grimaced and shut the door in his face.

----

As always, I ended up back at Alec's house during midday. We spent a couple of hours cleaning up some messes I had missed. We got on all fours and scrubbed the kitchen tile with what I could've sworn were horse brushes. We picked shards of glass out of the grass in the backyard. We reorganized the mantelpiece. We rinsed Parker's blood off the sidewalk (Alec didn't know that bit). 

"Hey..." Alec looked around. "A photograph is missing." 

I pretended to not know what he was talking about. "What? Which one?"

"...it..." He looked at the empty frame. "That's so weird."

I shrugged. "Maybe someone liked it."

"It was a picture of me, though."

"You are handsome, you know." 

Alec grinned. "You've been acting different lately."

I raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

He turned to me. "I don't know...you're just more..." he searched for the right word. "...caring." 

My eyes glinted as I looked at him. A smile curled at the edge of my lips. I nodded, acknowledging his observation. I waited awhile before speaking. "I feel like kissing you." I tended to the picture frame I was re-hanging.

"Kiss me."

"Me?" I put down the frame and pointed at myself with wide eyes. I looked around the room. "Really?"

Alec giggled, a childlike glimmer in his smile.

"Well, gee!" I pretended to fix my hair out of shyness. "You sure?" 

Alec walked over and slid his arms around my back, kissing me widely with a grin. I smiled and hummed in approval, not touching Alec, holding my hands in the air at my sides. Alec furthered his kiss and his smile left. The next kiss was stronger and fuller, making sure to take time. My smile turned into a frown. I kissed him back, savoring his quiet gift. 

"Mm." I muttered accidentally. "Hm." I explored the entrance of Alec's mouth with my tongue. 

Alec guided his hands under my shirt and up my back; enough to make chills travels up my spine. 

"Mm. Mm." I struggled to get my hands under Alec's waistband. As soon as I made pressured contact, Alec jumped.

"Oh, fuck-" He broke his kiss and stepped back. 

My eyes widened for a moment, but then I understood. 

Alec shook his head. "Jeez, sorry, I'm really sore from last night." 

I smiled. "It happens." 

"This is normal?" Alec winced, holding a hand over himself. 

"Yeah, it used to happen to me when I was new to sex." I got close to him and slipped my hand into his pants again, gently holding him. I made a face when he made a face. "Does that hurt?"

He nodded, holding my arm. I lightly massaged him in my hand before leading him to the couch. 

"It usually lasts a few days, but you'll be fine." I shrugged. "You need baby oil."

Alec motioned towards the downstairs bathroom. "There's a bottle in there." 

I lightly jogged to the bathroom and pushed some bottles around in a cabinet until I found a little bottle of the magic substance. "Yup. Perfect."

I situated myself at Alec's legs and pulled down his bottoms. I put them in my lap to use as a bib. 

Alec lied down and put his hands on top of his head, watching my every move.

"Your first lover taught you this?"

I laughed dispiritedly. "No. Definitely not."

"Oh..." Alec caught on. "You had to learn on your own, then?"

"Yeah." I shrugged. I held the bottle upside down and let the baby oil find its way to Alec's aching friend. I set the bottle down and nimbly rubbed the oil in, making sure to watch Alec's face to see where it hurt more. I deeply massaged his inner thighs and hips, making him close his eyes and drop his head. I slid myself between the backrest of the couch and Alec's side and propped myself up on my elbow, looking at Alec while rubbing baby oil into his soft, sore penis. He pushed his forehead against my chin and breathed heavily. Impulsively, I pushed Alec's head up with my dry forearm so I could kiss him. 

Alec chuckled. "You know, some would call you a sex addict."

"Being addicted to you is like second nature." I kissed his forehead and buried my face in his hair. The same, sweet citrus. 

Alec's voice was as velvety as the fingers he used to guide my hand back to his pain. "I'm not complaining." 

The phone began to ring as soon as I slid my hand under Alec's neck and started kissing his ear. He reached his arm back and lifted the phone off the stand. 

The caller ID rang in a robotic voice. "Call from: James. Astor."

Alec stared at the phone while I lipped him down his face. "That's your dad." I said.

He stared at it a while more before answering. "Hello?"

I could hear what his dad was saying.

"Alec? Oh, good. You're alive. Here's your mother."

"Alec, how is the house? Are you keeping it clean? Do you water the lawn?"

"The house is fine, Mom..." 

"Good. Are you seeing your therapist? When was the last time you went?"

I kissed Alec along his jawbone. I ran my oiled hand up his stomach. 

"I don't remember...it was a long time ago."

"A long time ago? What are you, crazy? You're not taking your medication? Are you trying to get us put into jail for murder or what? Don't take the phone from me -- hey -- James - "

"Hey, take your meds, Alec. And you have to see your therapist every Tuesday. It costs 2 grand every week you go and every week you don't go, so go. Do we have to make them pick you up like last time? Is that what you want?"

Alec had a small pout. A reactive face. Hurt. Probably because of his parents' lack of interest of his feelings and lack of kind tone. 

No "How are you doing?" 

No "Are you feeling okay?" 

No "We miss you."

The last time they called was probably a very long time ago. Maybe close to a year. 

"Sorry...I'll go tomorrow." Alec sighed loudly and dug a hand into the purple skin above his heart. I kissed the tips of his shoulder.

"Okay. Bye."

No "I love you."

His father hung up. 

Alec held the phone at his ear and his lip quivered ever so slightly before a large, round, quick tear fell down his cheek. I took the phone out of his hand and threw it onto the coffee table. I positioned myself on top of him so that we were face to face and he was inside the perimeter of my arms. Then, with a serious, aggressive, authoritative voice: "You don't need them." 

Alec's sad face stayed a couple of seconds, until he began to nod. He covered his face with his hands and cried. 

----

A couple of days passed until it was time for Alec to go to his first therapy session in several months. I went with him to his first, and the few after. Each session was 45 minutes, or longer if required, but Alec always came out the very minute his minimum time was up. I always waited in the lobby -- something I really didn't mind because the building was extremely fancy and served you endless amounts high quality coffee and funny little finger sandwiches at the café. They also had a joint library, and that was where I always ended up while waiting for Alec to exit. 

Each time I went, I would sit down on a grand, forest green, corduroy seat with a cup of black coffee and return to the page I left off on in a newly translated version of Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Each time I went, Alec would slither out of his therapy room, holding the corner of the wall, latching onto the deep blue wallpaper like an octopus climbing up the side of a ship. He always looked intensely troubled when exiting, and looked around the lobby as if people were watching him and judging him and inside were crawling into his mind. There were usually around 30 people in the lobby, widely spread out due to the huge size of the room, but Alec was always able to find me instantly if I was in the lobby and not the library. 

One day, after his session, I was filling up another cup of black coffee when Alec hastily approached me and wrapped his hand into mine, nuzzling half of his tiresome face into my back while I emptied a packet of sugar into the cup.

"Hey," I spoke through teeth that were ripping open another packet of sugar. "Was it any better this time?" I picked out a red coffee stirrer and turned around, leaned against the counter, and pulled Alec into my arms. He took the straw out of my hand and put it in my mouth and laughed a small laugh through his reddened under eyes. His smile disappeared and his eyelids fluttered. A silent "no." 

Then, I kissed Alec in public for the first time. I took the stirrer off of my lip and leaned in slow, waiting to see if Alec objected, then kissed him brightly when he made no protest. He didn't kiss back, and had an unbelieving look across his face. 

He blinked excessively. "Oh."

I smiled shyly and rubbed my thumb along his cheekbone. The skin around his eyes was irritated from rubbing away tears. 

"I never thought you'd do that." He said softly.

"You gentlemen need to be more considerate of the people around you." A middle-aged woman approached us. "That was very unnecessary." 

I stuck the straw back into my mouth and smiled with my teeth. "Fuck you." 

Alec choked on pure air the very second he heard me respond. He grabbed his neck and looked away, choking and gasping and squinting and laughing. The woman shook her head in disapproval and didn't move. 

"That was very disrespectful." She began to lecture. "You are such a shame."

"And you're disgustingly ignorant." I shrugged with open arms. 

"I am going to get the lobbyist to order security down here if you do not show some respect, young man."

I stood up straight and faced her dead on. Alec pulled my sleeve. "Jett, don't."

"If you got a fucking problem, there's a therapist right down that hall that'll listen to your shit for ten bucks. Please, I beg you." I stirred my coffee and motioned it to her in salute. "Get the fuck away from us, I ask you kindly." 

The woman's mouth dropped open and she crossed her arms. But lacking the words to respond, she teetered away and looked back at us as she walked. 

"Holy Hell, Jett." Alec coughed. "That was hot."

I took a long sip and nodded once. "I'm glad my anger turns you on." 

"Jesus..." He shook his head and laughed. "Christ." 

I grabbed a lid for my coffee and tested it out with another sip.

"What's that?" Alec reached for the book on the counter. "Oh, someone forgot to put a book back-" He started to walk towards the library.

"No, no!" I grabbed his arm and brought him back. "I took that. I'm reading it."

"You know it's a library...so you check books out with a card to borrow them and stuff..."

"I know, ugh, I know. But their sign up fee is like 200 bucks and I just wanna read the fucking book. I'll give it back to them, they won't even know it's gone. There's like a million books in there and the only employee is an 80 something year old guy. It's fine." 

Alec furrowed his brow and looked at the book. "Crime and Punishment...?"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I've read it a million times. But this library has this translated edition that I couldn't find ANYWHERE and I can't pass it up. Dostoyevsky is a Russian author and the book was written in the 1800's with 12 different parts so that - " 

"You're the greatest quality of therapy anyone could get," Alec cracked up. "You're such a nerd."

"Hey, I like reading." I bugged my eyes out. "Books are my life. I have no shame." 

Alec bit his lip through a smile and jokingly punched me in the jaw. 

"Let's go home."

----

I searched for my toothbrush while Alec dipped himself into a hot bath. 

"So what did she ask you about today?" I ducked my head under the sink, rummaging around bottles of cleaning solution.

"About Cara, mostly. She always tries to do this thing where she speaks for me and tries to tell me what I'm feeling, but I don't think she's very accurate."

I unlatched a couple of cabinets. "What about Cara, exactly?" 

"Just..." Alec lapped water onto his chest. "I don't know...like if I still miss her. Just stuff like that."

I turned to him. "And do you?"

Alec looked at me. "Well, I don't miss Cara. I mean...it's just..." He rubbed his face. "It's hard to explain." 

"You can try."

"I don't miss her. I'm so embarrassed it happened - everything that happened during that time. I was so stupid... such an idiot...I was so blind. I don't know why I liked her so much." Alec picked at the grooves of the swirly tiles on wall. "She used to make me feel good about myself, even if she was lying through her teeth. That was all it took."

I turned around and nodded, ruffling through another cabinet. It occurred to me how similar Cara and I really were. That Parker was right. Cara said whatever it took to make Alec feel good about himself, and in the beginning, that was what I did too, just to get in bed with him. I winced. "But I don't do that anymore, so it's fine, right?" I thought. "I mean what I say now...that counts, doesn't it? Are Cara and I truly that much alike?" 

"What are you looking for?" Alec chimed.

"Toothbrush!" 

"There's a new one in the downstairs bathroom. I accidentally dropped yours into the trash bin."

I thanked him and skipped down the stairs, passing the kitchen on my way. I did a double take at the dinner table and stopped with my hand on the bathroom doorknob. 

Sitting on the polished marble top were two new cases of prescription medication. 

----

Note to Reader:

Sorry that the new installments take so long to be posted. Truly, I am. Thanks for being so involved and enthusiastic - your emails mean a lot. A lot! A lot a lot a lot. A lot.



The Greatest Force Ch. 09



I woke up still. 

All that moved were my eyelids, shot open like a bullet to the chest from behind. 

I swallowed hard and touched my face. Cold sweat. Nightmare. I was shaking lightly and felt like I lost all the blood in my body. I kicked the sheets off the bed and curled into a ball, holding my head between my hands. I groaned and breathed and rocked myself back and forth. 

Alec.
Alec. 
Alec. 
I need you.

I had slept at my house that night because oddly, I began to miss it. The room I grew up in. A fairly spacious, wooden room, adorned with a single Frank Sinatra poster, one spotless window with a looming tree that branched up towards the sky that I could reach out and grab if I wanted to climb down, and a stash of books hidden under my bed. Having seen Parker in my room made me nostalgic and homesick, but I didn't tell Alec that. I didn't even tell him that Parker had been over. Or seen the photograph. Or about anything. I had slept at Alec's house every night for several months without realizing the passing of time, and suddenly started missing the one place I should've hated more than anywhere else. 

And the first night back, I had a nightmare strong enough to keep me trapped in my mind until morning.  

I slowly brought myself to stand up and shuffle to my bathroom and lean against the porcelain sink. I looked up at myself in the mirror and didn't look away.

My muscles were the same. Firm. Proportionate. Meticulously sculpted arms that held veins running down and around in rivers, smoothly acquired abs, angular and strong jaw line. But my face had changed, even I could tell. Gentle. Relaxed. Soft. The constant, fiery glimmer in my eyes had vanished, and the rough, intimidating cover over my face was gone. I nearly looked like a completely different person. Seeing myself, the only word that came to mind was "vulnerable." And I knew what was happening. I just refused to think about it. To keep things the way they were. To not mess anything up.  

 "Just keep going." I said aloud. 

"Please." I begged myself, voice cracking. My face broke into what comes before tears, without the tears. I leaned on the sink with my elbows and pushed my palms into my eyes. 

"Jett?" A voice called from outside my door followed by knocking. I looked behind my shoulder, expecting the person to invite themselves in, which I knew they would, because it was Parker. And he did.

I straightened myself up when he came in and looked over at me, wearing in a white dress shirt that was tucked into a pair of grey slacks. He set down his half-folded suit coat on my bed. Parker's hair was slicked to the side in a comb over and his face was freshly shaven. The black serpent tattoo he had gotten on his neck years ago peeked out over the collar of his shirt as he arched his neck to find me. His shoes were the kind I hated most: square-like, shiny, black, slip-on church shoes. But I would be lying to myself and anyone else if I said he didn't look good. Parker's slim cut body was easily flaunted by what he was wearing.

"Told you I'd be back." Parker smiled cheekily. 
I nodded incompletely, raising my head but never bringing it back down, surveying Parker's attire. We made eye contact and I turned around to grab a towel and dampen my weary face. 

"You look like shit. What was it? Bad dream?" Parker walked over to me with his sleeves rolled up and his hands in his pockets. "You look like you barely woke up."

I narrowed my eyes and turned the faucet on. "That's because I did. The sun isn't even out yet." 

"Let me." Parker took the towel from me and ran it under the water, lightly dampening the surface. I turned to face him and he coolly pressed the fabric to one side of my face, holding my other cheek with two fingers. I closed my eyes and sighed, silently thanking towels and water for being such a simple fix for temporary anxiety.

"What are you dressed for?" I mumbled as he flipped the towel and covered the other side of my face. 

"My sister's getting married."

"What? You don't have a sister." I frowned. 

"I know, that's what I said." Parker shrugged through annoyance. "She married some rich dude and they're getting married on a yacht at noon."

"What's her name?"

"Chloe." He chortled. "Stupid fucking name."

"Why is that a stupid name? There's nothing wrong with it."

"Well, it's stupid to me." Parker rolled his eyes and wiped my whole face before putting the towel down. 

"You knew your dad had multiple affairs, Parker. You knew that since we were kids." I protested as Parker walked back into the bedroom. 

"Dude, you gotta put some pants on." He snorted. I looked down at my legs and forgot that all I had on were a pair of boxers. I snatched pajama bottoms off a chair and clumsily stepped into them. 

"What did your mom say about the whole thing?" I asked, feeling a little sympathetic.

"She doesn't know. My dad told her we were going to a business conference in San Diego and we'd be back in 3 days." Parker sat down at the foot of my bed and slumped his shoulders, clasping his hands together in between his knees. "I know she has some idea about the shit he does, she just doesn't say anything." He shrugged. "To keep everything okay, you know? To keep it how it is. How it's always been." 

My eyes widened as I looked off at the tree outside my window and nodded. 

"She's so childish..." Parker grimaced. "She reminds me of Jenna sometimes."

"How are you and Jenna doing, anyway?" I leaned against the frame of the bathroom door. Parker looked up at me with a cocked eyebrow. 

"Same shit. You know. Cara follows her everywhere and Alec comes up in their conversations from time to time." He stuck his tongue in his cheek and nodded continuously. "She's got her little entourage and shit."

I blinked. He got up and smoothed the fabric of his shirt downwards as he walked towards me. Parker got dangerously close to my face, but I didn't falter. His breath was uneasy and smelled like sweet mint. His cologne was subtle yet noticeable – a deep, satisfying scent. I could see the fading wounds on his nose and lip. It was evident that someone with expert skill had helped him heal the wounds I gave him. 

"You're the closest person to me." Parker's eyes searched my face. "We might as well be blood." His laugh was weak and lasted for a fraction of a second. "My best memories are the ones with you. I know yours are too, Jett. Memories with me. Of us." 

I squinted lightly and leaned back. "Except they're not." 

I walked past him to the closet to find a pair of clean jeans, leaving Parker in exactly the same position, staring at nothing in the bathroom. When I turned around, his back was still facing me. I slipped out of the pajamas and put on the cold pair of blue jeans and shimmied into a long sleeved black shirt, all while waiting for Parker to turn around. I walked up to him and touched his shoulder, but he quickly snapped around and held a cautionary hand up between us, not looking at my face. 

"Don't." Was all he said. Then he grabbed his suit coat from my bed and took three long strides out of my room, never once turning around to look at me. 

"Parker!" I frantically jammed my feet into socks and shoes, and hopped after him, stumbling down the stairs. He was walking fast with his shoulders broadened and his head leveled. I watched him burst through the screen door and tuck his hands into his pockets once again. Just as the screen whacked against the frame and flew open again, I bumped into my mom who was crossing the hallway.

"Shit-" I held my hands at my sides in surrender. "Sorry." 

"You're a fucking mess." She rolled her eyes and continued walking, allowing me to sprint out the door after Parker. 

"Parker!" I yelled. I could see my breath cloud in the air and vanish in his direction. The cold air felt like love against my skin, and it clung to the tips of my hair for refuge. His steps were quick and packed with haste to get away from instigation or otherwise unleash a demon he'd been harboring inside. I could see the front strand of his neatly gelled hair whisking up in the air as he hurried along. 

"Stop-" I jogged up to him and grabbed him by the arm, to which he responded with a forceful shove in my direction, turned around to face me, and stopped walking. 

"I'm trying to talk to you." I bluntly stated. 

"I've been trying to talk to you for the past year, fuckwad." He glowered at me, austerity climbing into his voice. "You think just because you wanna talk I'm suddenly obligated to sit down and have tea and cookies with you and listen to your hopes and dreams? Fuck off."

"Parker, look." He started walking off again, but I grabbed his arm once more and forced him to face me. 

"You better get your hands off of me, Foster, I swear on my fucking life I-"

"There is no way I could've managed through childhood without you, Parker." I interrupted. He shut up and watched me. "There is no. Fucking. Way. In Hell." He gritted his teeth and continued to look me in the eye. "You saved me so many times from my parents, from other people, from myself – you were everything I needed. You were my world. Only you. You were my safety." He nibbled at the skin on his lip as I spoke. I slowly let go of his arm. "And yeah, hell yeah, we have some rad fucking memories as kids – but that was all, Parker. We were kids. And those times are definitely not what I would call the best of my life. You'd be an idiot to think that. Those days are done. Things changed."

I stared at him and he stared at me.

"Well go on, then. I know you're not done." He drawled. 

"It's selfish of you to think that I loved you as more than a brother. It's fucking selfish." I stepped back to regain personal space. "It's selfish of you to not let me move on, and even worse to not let yourself move on." 

"Me, selfish? You're one to talk. And 'move on'? With who? Alec? Is that what this is about? Your secret boyfriend? Who you've known for how long, again? Remind me. What was it? 6 months? Does he even know what you're really like? What you're capable of? I bet my life that he doesn't know even a quarter of what I know about you. I bet my life that Alec has no fucking idea about what your life is really like when you're not with him."

"You can't help who you love, Parker."

I immediately caught myself. Did I just say I love Alec?

He laughed sarcastically and looked up to the sky.
His breath trailed upwards like a smoke signal. 
His nose was flushed pink. 

"Love. Love?" He smiled and looked at me inquisitively. "You? In love. Right. You don't know what love is. You're empty. There's nothing in you, Jett. Anyone could see that." 

I didn't hold back. "I love Alec." The words were strange on my tongue. They held a warm taste, so foreign to me. 

"You wear a mask. He doesn't know you. Even if you love him, he couldn't truly love you. He doesn't know what he's dealing with. If you really loved him, you'd leave him. Spare him the trouble. He's already fucked up as it is, you'd only make it worse." He shrugged and shook his head. "You're a fool." 

My heart was thudding rapidly in my chest, sounding like a hare bounding across a dirt road. Everything around me felt dangerous. 

"I only came here to ask if you wanted to come to the wedding with me so I wouldn't be a lonely fuck at these things like I always am." Parker went out of his way to kick a pinecone off the road and onto the sidewalk. "You were the only person that came to mind." He shot a look back at me and picked a leaf off of a drooping tree. "But I guess that's a shit question, right?" 

I slathered a hand over my eye and rubbed the returning scruff on my face. "Parker."

"Yeah, whatever. I gotta get my shit ready." He put his suit coat on and slicked the flyaway hair back into place. "Nice fucking chat, huh?" He smirked. His favorite defense mechanism. "Let's hope I don't get some crazy idea and ruin the wedding." Parker's laugh was small and brief, and then he turned around and went on his way. I watched him struggle to pretend to be okay, but his posture gradually became sulky and his head drooped as he watched his feet take him across the street. 

"Goddammit." I whispered under my breath. 

"Dammit.

Dammit! 

DAMMIT!" I stomped my feet. I crouched in the middle of the road and held my head in my hands, watching a trail of ants swerve around cracks in the cement. 

I pulled myself up and went around the back of my house, following a dirt path that ran behind a brick wall. I walked on and on until I caught sight of the poplar trees from my childhood – a sight I hadn't revisited for nearly 10 years. I went down the hill that Parker and I biked down the day I scratched the Caddy kid's new ride, flopping my feet down under the pull of gravity. There was no one outside. I never cared to check the time, but judging by the sky, it was around 6 A.M. 

Lavender colored petals fell off the dying trees and swirled on the floor in a waltz. I stepped into the center of a whirling flower tornado and spun myself around until the cyclone died and dispersed around my feet. I nodded to myself and shoved my way in past rough bushes and heightened trees, remembering how much harder it was to get through the blockage 10 years ago. I lost balance and on my hands and knees, falling down into a dry, sloping crater. I managed to adjust myself while sliding down to survey what was left of the flower field I valued so much as a kid.

Nothing.

I caught my breath as I slowly stood up in the center of the subtle downward slope. I looked in all directions.

Nothing.

Vastness of dark, moist soil covered more than just the ground beneath my feet. Not one flower. For miles and miles and miles, not one. The shack was gone. The field was gone. It looked like a barren wasteland. As if there was never anything there. Like someone had been assigned the job to make sure there were no traces of evidence that there had been a stunning flower field residing there in the last decade.

"Mama said he can't pay for the ground anymore so he's going open a liquor store." 

"Reppen Supply." I spoke to myself. Off in the distance, I could spot the towering height of Parker's home, where he had carried me the day I ran off. Two years after he kissed me.

"Why'd you do that?" I had asked.

"Mama said you kiss the people you love." Parker replied. 

I wiped the dirt off of my jeans the best I could and trudged up the dirt hill, searching for any remains of a tulip or a daisy, anything at all. That day, he had given me his only method of comfort: his iPod.  The gift of music.

"Wait! What will you have when your parents fight?" 

Parker's face in that moment was something I could never forget, no matter how hard I tried.

"I'll come find you."

I'll come find you. 

I fell to my knees and touched my forehead against the soft, wet dirt. I held my breath, warning myself to keep it together. 

"I'll come find you." I choked.

Seconds later, I screamed and slammed my fists against the upward slope of the crater. I banged my hands against the sifting dirt and shook in my skin. A trailing, whimpering "fuck" left my throat as I let myself lie down on the cold, dark brown heaps of sand. I pressed the side of my face against the soft earth, closing my eyes and controlling my breathing. 

Then, with closed eyes, I realized I had seen something before lying down. Something that emerged from my impulsive act of anger. Something that decided to show itself during my moment of pain. Something beautiful that came after ruin.
I slowly, knowingly opened my eyes to see what appeared only 12 inches from my face.
A single, tiny, sturdy, lush green, dirt covered rosebud came up to say hello.  

--

In a nutshell, I went home and got slightly drunk off of a hidden bottle of Jack Daniel's and a couple shots of vodka before I slapped some sense into myself and chucked the everything onto the grass field across the street. Half of it spilled over the neighbor's car, my dad's car, a dumpster, and watered the tree next to it as it shattered into glittering pieces. 

"Stupid," I degraded myself for resorting to drinking. "Fucking idiot." I disgustedly wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. I hadn't touched alcohol for more than a year and had plans to keep it that way, but now I was just upset with myself. 

"Can't you just handle your shit without getting drunk?" I thumped myself on the head and shuddered in my body from the attempt to suppress tears. "You're just like your parents. Just like them." I crumpled to the floor in the corner of my room and rested my elbows on my knees, holding my head in my hands that covered my face. "Oh my fuck," I wheezed through my fingers. "You're so worthless, oh my god." 

Again and again, I decided to catch up with Parker and go to the wedding with him. Again and again, I changed my mind. At one point I was already walking out the door and was halfway to his house until I turned around, just as impulsively as I had decided to leave. A gigantic part of me wanted to go with Parker, in hopes to keep touch of all we had left, but another part of me truly desired to be with Alec. 

So I went to Alec's house, and on the way there, I never second guessed my choice.

--

"Alec?" I droned as I dragged my feet through his house. "Alec, I need you." 

I felt twice my weight and weakened throughout my body. 

"Alec." I groaned at the bottom of the stairs. My voice was barely audible. "Wake up."

I started to trudge up the stairs, heavy with emotions I didn't feel like dealing with that kept running to the front of my mind and were begging for attention.

I gnarled my fingers around my eyes and groaned exhaustedly. Dwelling on my emotions was not something I ever did, so the conversation I had with Parker was not necessarily a good thing. Coming to terms with my feelings was never something I would look forward to. But the only other time I had verbally expressed my emotions was the evening Alec convinced me to stay with him - the evening Parker had him held in a chokehold – and the realization that my emotional breakdowns were only linked to Alec, made my current, already overwhelmed state even worse than it already was. Sloppily opening the door showed me Alec, rubbing his eyes and sitting up with the bedside lamp glowing orange. 

"Jett? Are you alright?" He squinted at me, pumping his feet to remove the covers. I slid right on top of him, pressing him down to the bed, my legs fitting inside and outside of his like a puzzle. I dipped my spine and caught Alec in an open-mouthed kiss, nearly grinding on him subconsciously. His fingertips gingerly pressed against my jaw. His leg curled over mine. 

"I'm still sore from the other night," Alec's tone was apologetic. I continued to kiss him, skimming heavy hands under his shirt and grabbing his sides, pulling him up. So easy to push around. So incapable of escape. He let out noises that were a cross between satisfaction and question, between pleasure and pain. I felt around his chest high enough to stick my arm out of the collar of his shirt and grasp the side of his neck as I held him up with my other arm. I felt a fiery desire in me as well as a strained frown lapping over my face. I pulled the shirt off over Alec's head with one hand in a single, swift motion. 

"Jett, wait, please." Alec palmed against my chest as he would always do when protesting.  

"I don't wanna wait." I murmured, letting his body down and teething and tonguing his neck. Alec pressed his open mouth of soft, swelling lips against my temples as I worked around his body with my fingers. Intimate scenarios always made me feel strong and Alec feel weak – a contrast that undeniably turned me on.  

I hooked both of my hands under the waistband of the jeans Alec had slept in and pulled him up by the hip with one hand while undoing his button and fly with the other. My heartbeat was rapid and almost panicked as though the situation was a dire emergency. 




The Greatest Force Ch. 10



A piercing heat pined through my lungs as I hurried down the street, incredibly disheveled. 

My cheeks were hot with fear and anger and shame and liquor. 

I was well aware that in the moment that the right thing to do was go back to Alec and beg on my knees for forgiveness and never stop until he realized how much I needed him and swept me into open arms and kept me forever. But I was also aware that my desires were wholly selfish, and I was destroying Alec just by being with him, like Parker had explained to me countless times. 

Parker.

I quickened my pace into a slow jog. The wind against my face made me feel glad to be living, even in the pitiful state my life was in right then. The warmth of the early sun and the soft, subtle coldness in the beating wind rushing over my face as I broke into a stride was sweet and blissful. It melded the warmth in my face from perspiration with the heat of my shame, making my embarrassment unrecognizable - and to anyone passing by - nonexistent.

I leaped over low fences and hurdled through piercing rose bushes, aware that my time was running out. I skidded to a stop a walked through my front door, stopping abruptly at the sight of my dad opening up the mail that had just arrived. I perched myself next to him, squatting with my hands on my knees, surveying the piles of paper across the coffee table.

"Anything for me?" I asked with a winded voice, using my fingertips to subtly shuffle some of the envelopes around, looking for a letter from any of the colleges I had applied to, hoping my dad hadn't already come across any, knowing he would've thrown it away. 

"Nothing." My dad mumbled, reading a bill. 

I silently nodded into the distance with sideways lips, eyes wide and eyebrows cocked, thinking about Alec.

"Mason's kid came by a couple of minutes ago asking for you. Just missed him." My dad crumpled the paper into a ball and throwing it at the wall where a pile of similarly shaped bills had collected. 

"Parker?" I snapped my head towards him, almost losing balance and leveling myself by holding myself up with an arm. 

"Yeah, Parker. What other kid does he have?" My dad sneered, annoyed. He had shaved for the first time in a long time and had gotten a haircut, revealing his young, 38 year-old face, marked with stress and trials endured. 

"Oh-" I wobbled to stand. "I should catch-" My dad grabbed my arm and pulled me in towards him, making me tense and defensive. His breath had no scent of booze -- a combination not often discovered. 

"What?" I whispered, not blinking, holding stance. He was wrenching my arm, ceasing the blood flow, but not moving at all, just staring at me closely. He pulled me in closer so he could speak in my ear.

"Your mom's not going to be home for a while." 

Chills encompassed my body, reaching into my heart and attacking what felt like my soul. I felt like throwing up.

"Dad-" I tried to pull away, but he grabbed my other arm and yanked me into him, the smell of musk filling my mind as well as the memories of horrid, experimental nights with him. 

"I'm sorry about the past, Jett." He ran his rough hands over my ribs and gripped my sides stronger than my persistence to distance myself. "It'll be different this time, I promise." He grabbed the back of my neck and forced my forehead to meet his and kissed me on the cheek. "You've been drinking." He ran a thumb over my cheekbone. 

"Oh, no," I whispered after the words had registered. "Oh, fuck!" I shook myself away and scrambled on the floor. "I'm just like you!" I screamed in delirium. "Oh my fuck, holy fuck, no no no,"

"What are you talk-"

"Get away from me!" My voice squeaked. "I can't -- I -- I - I have to go-" I ran up the stairs, leaving my dad in bewilderment on the couch.

I hastily shoved my nicest suit and dress shoes into a backpack, grabbing all the essentials of what I might need to get ready for a wedding and climbed out the window and down the tree, assuming Parker would help me get ready better than I would myself. 

"Jett?" I heard my dad call out from my room as I jumped off the tree and hit the ground in a sprint straight ahead towards Parker's house. 

---

"So, you decided to come after all?" Parker was lounging on a beach chair on his well-groomed lawn, drinking a lime mint mojito, looking like a rich little fuck in front of his mansion home.

"Yeah, I-" I shrugged and gestured towards the backpack. "Brought stuff be-"

"Stop talking, we leave in 20 minutes, you gotta get ready. Let's go." Parker got up and dumped the rest of his drink into the grass, dunking the cocktail glass into a shiny trash bin at the head of the fence. 

"Isn't it fucking weird that your crazy ass house is less than 10 minutes away from my shit house?" I marveled at the inside of the mansion and glided over the black and white tile floor, musing at the marbled walls and mini replicas of ships in bottles set up on the side counters. "It's amazing in here...it's been so long..."

"You can come over whenever you want, fuckface. I invite you over almost every day." He smiled and turned around to look at me, radiating at the fact that I finally came over. 

We climbed up the grand staircase to get to his room, and as soon as I saw his California King sized mattress, I dove onto it face first. 

"Oh, Jesus." I moaned, rolling in the ultra-soft throw blanket. "This is heaven." I yelled at the ceiling, fake crying. 

Parker cackled soundlessly at my reaction and drew back the curtains to the wall that was made up entirely of a single glass window. "We gotta hurry, dude, get up." He grabbed me by the leg and shook it, dumping out the contents of my backpack onto the long, minimalist style glass coffee table, right next to the mini-bar. I looked around as I sat up, catching sight of a Frank Sinatra poster plastered to the wall above his bed, just like mine. The worn out, fraying poster suited the room just as much as I suited the house: not at all.

"Hey," I smiled cheesily. "Old habits die hard." I pointed towards the poster and chuckled. Parker beckoned me over impatiently and plugged in the iron.

"Let me look at you." He put his hands on my shoulders and observed what needed to be fixed. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it quickly, frowning.

"You've been drinking?" 

"How the hell can people even tell?" I dropped my hands. "What the fuck, man, I barely drank anything, I'm not even drunk right now." I said in irritation. 

"Okay, well, I don't give a shit about how much you drank. If I can smell it, the people at the wedding will smell it, and shit, I ain't gonna let people think I brought a drunk." Parker grabbed two water bottles from the mini bar and planted them in my hands.

"Just drink a lot of water and piss a lot," He cracked a bottle open for me and held it at my lips. "I don't even know if it helps, but whatever." A tin of breath mints were chucked at my chest and a towel proceeded seconds later. "Shower, mint, I'll give you fresh boxers and undershirt and all that shit when you come out -- just make it quick, man, I hate being late to stuff like this." 

I nodded and stripped on the way to the bathroom, leaving a trail of clothes behind me while I swallowed all of the water in the first bottle and popped a mint. Needless to say, the bathroom was magnificent and glowing with pearl colored walls and gold lighting and I felt like a toddler in a crowd of adults. The shower was so complicated that it took me more than a couple of minutes to get it started, and by the time I had gotten used to the hot water, I didn't even think to get out.

Parker rushed into the bathroom and flung the shower curtain open. I panicked and covered myself with a shower pouf and widened my eyes.

"Dude-"

"Get the fuck out man, it's been 10 minutes! We gotta go!" He floated out of the bathroom and didn't care to close the curtain or the door, lost in frenzy. 

I stood, dumbfounded and still covering myself. 

"Okay." I murmured, shutting off the shower and roughly smudging a towel over my hair, wrapping myself in the one Parker gave me. 

I walked into the room and ran into Parker's hands that held the basics. I didn't ask any questions and slipped on the boxers and wifebeater. He went to his walk in closet, his voice echoing towards me. "It might be a little tight around the arms, since, you know," he beckoned towards my arms that were flexed from opening the second water bottle. A fresh, already ironed, white dress shirt hit the bed. "I'll get you a tie and -- well, you want a regular tie or a bowtie? I've never seen you wear a suit, I don't know what you like." He shrugged.

"A tie, just a tie." I nodded, gulping half of the bottle down. 

"Okay, good, black tie." 

I carefully slipped into the shirt and suit, stuffing my feet into the long black socks and black, shiny shoes. Parker came in seconds later and fastened the tie around my neck.

"I know this isn't really how you do your shit, but just put up with it for today, yeah?" Parker attacked me with a hairdryer and turned my head every which-way to get all the hair on my head, combing through it every few seconds and urging me to keep drinking the water. He shut the hairdryer off and tossed it on his bed, grabbing bottle of hairspray and shielding my eyes while he mercilessly polluted the air. He awkwardly massaged a heavy cream all over my face and patted my cheeks.

"Good, we're all set." He wiped his hands on a towel and pointed towards the full body mirror. "Good thing you shaved already."

My eyes jumped out of their sockets when I looked in the mirror. Parker had worked a miracle without doing much at all. The all black suit with the white shirt was classic and timeless. A wave of happiness lapped over me at the remembrance of a daydream Parker and I would talk about when we were younger, about being swing artists with Sinatra. 

"Not too bad, Foster." Parker shrugged and bounced his head back and forth. "You look good."

I ran a light hand over my hair that Parker had parted to the side and combed back, laughing. "I kinda look like you."

"That means you look hot as fuck." 

I chuckled with a closed smile as he handed me another water bottle.

"I don't wanna drink anymore water, dude, this isn't even gonna do anything." I pushed it into his chest and bent down to tie my shoes. 

"Whatever you say." Parker fixed my collar when I stood up and brushed some lint off of my shoulder. "You really do look nice." He genuinely spoke, looking directly at me. 

I was lost in his glance for a couple of seconds, and my smile didn't smear across my face until after I realized we were staring at one another. 

"I should do this more often then, huh?" I shrugged, making my way to the door with a little bounce in my step. I turned around to see if Parker had moved, but he was turned sideways, looking at me with sweetened amazement.

"Come on, Parker. We wouldn't wanna be late, right?" 

---

Even though the plastic surgeon did a better job than most, the amount of work Parker's mom got done was incredibly evident.

"Hello, honey!" She cheered as Parker and I approached a row of 6 huge, shiny, black Range Rovers all waiting to be loaded with people from his house.

I smiled warmly and took the hand she held out, leaning in for a cheek-to-cheek hug and patted her back when she squeezed me. 

"I haven't seen you in such a long time -- oh -- darling -- you look so handsome! -- hasn't he become so charming, Parker? Oh, just marvelous, you're so suave!" She ran a hand down my cheek and over my chest, finally grabbing my hand in hers.

"It's nice to see you again, Mrs. Reed, you've kept such a wonderful home-"

"Oh, stop it, you're such a doll, I'm so glad you're coming with us -- come in, come in!" She ushered me into the back of the Range Rover and squished Parker in beside me, then shut the door gently and waved to us through the tinted window. I waved back, even though I knew she couldn't see me.

"She's so annoying." Parker grumbled, getting comfortable in his seat. 

"She's not all that bad, really. Does she even know what this event is?"

"Hell, yeah, she knows. She just figures this'll make it even between her and my dad since he knows she sleeps around, too." 

I raised an eyebrow and frowned, clasping my hands between my knees. "Oh."

Parker and I sat in silence for a moment while he stared out the window at the people bustling around and getting into cars. I looked around as well, surveying the golf course and Parker's dad, who was seating himself in the pearly white Cadillac in front of all the Range Rovers. I thought about how the driver of our car must feel, having to keep quiet no matter how strange the traveling parties' conversation became.

"Life is shit." Parker's voice was mumbled by his hand that covered half of his mouth, his elbow propped up against the door. 

I watched him watch the people outside and nodded to myself, looking away.

"I know."

Parker turned around to say something in response, but suddenly snapped his head back at the window and gasped. "Oh, fuck."

"What?"

"I forgot to tell you about a tiny little detail..."

I shoved my way to his window and looked around, squashing him against the seat. "What?!" 

But Parker didn't have to say another word, because there she was, practically dressed like it was her own wedding, click-clacking her heels down the pebbled walkway. Jenna. 

"Ohhhhh my f-"

"Jett, I swear, I uninvited her-"

"UNinvited? UN? So you invited her. What the FUCK?" 

"HEY, HEY, HEY!" Parker forcefully pushed me off of him. "You said you weren't coming so I called her and asked, man. I was feeling lonely as hell after you said that shit to me, okay? Goddamn, man, and I told her to cancel, it's not like I knew she was gonna be here." Parker looked in her direction again, bouncing his leg up and down. 

"Aw, damn, she's asking my mom where I am."

We watched intensely as Jenna and Mrs. Reed greeted one another with overly exaggerated hugs and kisses. Jenna's fake smile glowed in the distance, and Mrs. Reed made body gestures that looked like she was complimenting how Jenna was dressed. 

"Please, please, please, don't say anything," Parker put his hands together as to pray and touched his index fingers to his nose. 

Mrs. Reed flung her arms to her sides and laughed, pointing to herself and then to a Range Rover up ahead.

"Jenna's gonna ride with your mom." I nudged Parker's shoulder, not taking my eyes away from the pair until Jenna got in the car, lifting her white, mid-length, feathery skirt along with her.

Parker pretended to faint with his wrist draped over his forehead. I laughed loudly and hit him on the leg, returning to my side of the car and leaning back, closing my eyes, and waiting for the pain to pass. 

---

"Will you, Chloe Baker, take-"

"Why is her dress like...purplish..."

"Shut up, man, how the fuck am I supposed to know?"

"I'm just saying, why couldn't it just be white? What's so wrong with that?"

"Maybe her favorite color is purple, Jett, do I look like I have any idea?"

"Okay, okay, I just think it's weird."

"I do."

"I do."

"Her dress is so beautiful, isn't it, Parker?" 

"Aww, yeah, it is. Do you want a wedding dress like that, Jenna?" 

"I sure do, baby. Would you like it if I got a dress like that?"

"I would love it, babe."

"Oh, stop bullshitting her, Parker, she's such a nut."

"Shut the fuck up, man - can you just shut up?"

"Imagine you and Jenna getting married...oh fuck, I'd get a kick out of that!"

"She'll hear you -- you're fucking annoying, stop talking." 

"You may now kiss the bride."

Cannons of lilac confetti shot onto the platform and matching balloons were released into the air. A pair of doves was released and circled each other in the air, twirling and winding around the couple.

"That's so unnecessary." I grumbled, standing up with everyone else to clap. 

"Wasn't that beautiful, Jett?!" Jenna squealed from beside Parker. 

"That was stupid." I smiled at her. Her face fell and she frowned, refocusing her attention to the newlyweds and running off to congratulate them. 

"I'll be right back, baby!" She waved to Parker. He smiled weakly and waved with a limp hand, turning to me and smoothing his hair back. 

"I gotta pee sooooo bad." I said in a sing-song voice, jumping up and down. 

"Oh, yeah. The water. Well, let's go inside." Parker suggested innocently. "No one's gonna be in there right now." 

The venue was set along the beach, but was only a couple hundred feet from the groom's home, where the after party was going to be. We invited ourselves and Parker went straight for the kitchen. 

"Hello?!" I boomed through the house. No response. "I guess it's just us."

Parker fiddled with the quirky utensils lying around, turning over a salt shaker in the shape of a magic wand as I dashed into the bathroom. 

"My sister is such a hipster." He growled, flicking the DIY stickers pasted on the fridge when I came out again. I spun around in a bar stool at the end of the counter. 

"It feels real nice in here, though. There's a nice breeze. Earthy colors everywhere. Nice." I commended the aura. "I wouldn't mind living here."

"I guess." Parker rolled his eyes, unhappy to agree. "So why'd you drink this morning? You never do that shit, I know you." 

I winced and scratched the back of my head, looking around. "Uhh...well...I just...I don't know..."

"Oh, yeah, you know." Parker tapped his finger on the countertop, clicking his tongue. "So what was it? Alec? Your dad? Mom?"

"You." I rubbed my eyes and sighed. Parker quietly nodded and looked down at the fork he was holding.

"Sorry." He half laughed, knowing it wasn't funny. I shrugged and nodded.

"So, anything new with Alec?"

My heart snagged on a beat and made me cough.

"Uh..." I cleared my throat. "I, uh,"

Parker awkwardly looked at me, honestly not knowing what to expect. Though I never, ever opened up to anyone, being with Parker was different, and telling him the truth almost felt like a necessity, and wrongful if I didn't. 

"This morning, I, uh," I rapidly bounced my leg up and down on the floor. "Forced myself on him-"

"Uh...what..."

"Yeah...I know, it was bad...sometimes I just...I don't know...I completely became my dad."

"So you...raped him?"

"It wasn't 'rape'." 

"Okay, yes it was."

"No. It wasn't."

"You just said you forced yourself onto him, retard."

"Okay, okay, maybe, it wasn't like -- he kinda went with it but not really-"

"That's rape."

I sighed and dropped my hands. "Alright. What do you want me to say?" Defeat sunk into me.

Parker shrugged. "Nothing."

"Then why do you keep instigating?"

"I'm not instigating shit, man-"

"Yeah, dude, you are."

"Whatever, let's just forget about it."

I rolled my eyes and picked at the fraying edges of the bamboo table. "You're so irritating."

"At least not as much as you."

"Get over yourself." 

Parker pulled open the freezer and shuffled around bags of peas and fish sticks.

"Mmm. Ice cream." He produced a brand new pint of vanilla ice cream and cracked the lid open. 

"Aw, that's fucked up. Put that back." 

"What, you don't want any?" Parker rumbled with laughter and stuck his finger into the center, scooping some into his mouth. "Isss good!" He wiped his lip and licked his finger.

"Bring that shit over here." I gave in after wondering how long it had been since the last time I had something sweet. Parker walked over and scooped another finger into the tub.

"Here-"

"Ugh, no, give me the-"

"Just eat it, it's falling!"

"No! Put it back in the thing-"

"Eat it, eat it, hurry, HURRY!" 

I wrapped my lips around his finger and caught the ice cream just before it fell. Parker's mouth parted open in gentle amusement as I sucked the melting cream off of his fingertip and let go with a soft pop. A strange sensation came over me as I watched Parker's green eyes glisten with the reflection of my lips. 




The Greatest Force Ch. 10



"You're right." I mumbled, dipping my finger into the pint of softening vanilla ice cream. "It is good." Before I could think about what I was doing, I held the bite to his lips and watched him cleanly take it into his mouth, watching me the whole time. Parker stuck two fingers into the tub and hooked his soft skin onto my teeth, smearing the ice cream at the corner of my lips. 

"I told you, you stubborn fuck." Parker said flatly. He mesmerizingly watched me put the pint down and grab his chin, lifting lightly to come perfectly face to face with me. I saw the face of my best friend who I had lost sight of along the way; who I tore myself away from for the sole purpose of being with Alec; who never stopped persisting at mending our bent friendship even though I constantly refused. I saw the flower field in his eyes. I saw the poplar trees and the baby blue Cadillac. I saw the lilac petals swirling around on the black cement at sunset when we'd bike down the concrete hill. I saw the countless times he came to rescue me when we were young; the countless times he sacrificed his happiness for mine. Our breathing was heavy and the space between us was becoming less and less.

"I'm gonna kiss you, now." Parker whispered. "And if you don't want me to, then stop me." He waited a couple of seconds before resting his cold hands on my neck and pulling me into him, kissing me wide enough to lick up the ice cream he planted on the edge of my mouth. 

His kisses were something new, and unlike before. 10 years ago, our kiss was quick and innocent, but this time it was definitely cut from a different fabric; a long, deep, sultry, irresistible fabric.

I frowned through concentration as we kissed, focusing on the single moment I was experiencing, forcing myself to block everything else out, including Alec. I just wanted to feel good. I wanted to feel okay. 

Parker drew in deep breaths between each kiss, angling his face to get the perfect bite. My heart raced and ached and pumped violently in my chest, but I barely moved at all. We shared our tongues, and searched for the sweet remains of ice cream in one another's mouths, quietly filled with fear, satisfaction, regret, anger, lust, frustration, love, denial...

I skimmed my fingers over the scars on Parker's face I had created in Alec's defense. I gripped the back of his head and massaged my hand into his hair. Our mouths clicked and popped and squeaked and snapped. I wrestled his body up against the wall, knocking over a framed photo of Chloe and her new husband, and for a brief second, we both got the opportunity to see that it landed face down.

"Perfect." Parker said seriously and breathlessly, grabbing me again and lightly gnawing my cheek as I teethed at his ear. 

"Oh my god, I hate you."

"Said the biggest piece of shit."

"I seriously can't stand you, Parker," I pressed my head against his. "I don't think you realize."

"The feeling is mutual."

"Oh, fuck," I groaned when we began to lip each other again. The sexual tension was stronger than anything I could've attempted to put into words. It felt like there was a magnetic force between us, repelling and attracting one another at the same exact time. There was not enough either of us could do to satisfy the urgency of the situation, and Parker constantly yearned to kiss me harder than before. We were both solid below, more than our bodies writhing and twitching and squirming in anticipation. 

"Please." Parker sighed in impatient need, gripping my shoulder when I tugged his shirt out of his slacks and slid my hand in. 

"Jesus, you're desperate, aren't you?" I grabbed all of him in my hand, sending a shiver through Parker's body, in turn making me do the same. "I shouldn't be doing this." I shook my head while Parker kissed me down my neck.

"Don't think, just do. You're good at that." Parker growled, grabbing my tie. 

"Normally, I'd tell you what a dumbass you are for saying that," I spoke through an exhale. 

"This isn't a normal situation though, is it?" Parker pressed his hand over mine, urging me to carry on.

I accidentally moaned as I pressed our bodies against each other, feeling the heat between us amplified around our hands. 

"Holy fuck, the noises you make are so sexy," Parker said in a helpless voice. "I've been missing out on so much."

"You're actually not missing a lot at all," I spoke through a restrained moan, looking down at our hands and back at the wall consistently. 

"Parker?" a distant voice called. 

Both of us froze. I slammed my palms into the wall on either side of Parker's head, burying my face in my elbow. 

"Where are you, fuzzy wuzzy..." Jenna clicked her feet into the kitchen, weirdly surveying the scene before her. She gasped at the sight of us.

"Jenna...not now..."

"Is...he okay?" Jenna started approaching us. I yelped, pretending to cry. She stopped immediately.

"Now's not the time, Jenna." Parker said in a soothing voice. "He's having a hard time...with...personal things..." He patted my shoulder and cleared his throat. 

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry." I could hear Jenna cover her mouth with a hand and become embarrassed. "I'll be right on the shore if you guys need me, I'm so sorry for interrupting. Feel better, Jett. Sorry." 

She hurried out to the front door and closed it lightly. 

"Shit." I tucked Parker's shirt back into his pants. "We can't do this."

"Wait -- wait -- come on - " 

"Parker." 

"What?"

I glared at him. 

"What?!" He repeated, his perfect, tidy hair resembled a haystack. 

"I shouldn't have done that." I snapped the lid onto the container of melted ice cream and dunked it into the fridge.

"You can't be serious right now." Parker's eyes widened. "You cannot be serious. I can't believe you." 

I picked up the framed photograph and hung it back on the wall.

"I'm dead fucking serious."

"You seemed a thousand percent okay with it just a minute ago, you fucking asshole, what the hell is this?!" 

"I don't know!" I exclaimed, throwing my hands into the air. "I don't know what I'm doing with anything, okay?! I just wanted to take a piss, that's all. That's all." I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand and sniffed. 

Parker's flushed face was heaving up and down, catching breath. 

"I thought you said you love Alec." He said after a while.

"That's because I did say that."

"Well, what's wrong with you? Do you not know what you want?"

"I DO know what I w - "

"Then why didn't you go and fucking tell him that then, fuckface, instead of making shit complicated?"

"I DID, PARKER. I FUCKING TOLD HIM. He doesn't love me. He doesn't. He doesn't. He doesn't love me. Is that what you want to hear? Alec doesn't love me. You were right. About everything." My eyes stung with tears and my face burned into color. A lump in my throat formed faster than I could keep track of, and my voice became strained. "What do you want from me? I have nothing to give you, okay?"

"So is that why you came to the wedding? To pick me up as a rebound? Is that what this fucking is, you little piece of--"

"NO! You're so fucking stupid, Parker. I fucking HATE you!" Hot, boiling tears plopped onto my suit pants and I messily wiped my face with a frown. "Go prance on the beach with Jenna or something, go get married and get her a purple fucking dress and get the doves and shit. Just go away, Parker, I don't want to be here anymore." 

Parker silently took offense; I could hear it in his voice. "Yeah. I'll go skip on the beach and roll in the sand with Jenna and you can just sit here and sulk in the mess that you made for yourself. I'll be outside when you're ready to grow the hell up." 

He waited a couple of moments and watched me sniffle and struggle to suppress tears, with my face pink and flushed and my eyes so flooded with water that they probably looked like glass spheres. 

"Go." I croaked angrily, motioning towards the door.

And so he did. 



The Greatest Force Ch. 11



"Hi...!" 

I kept walking down the shore and ignored Jenna, slacks rolled above my ankles and tie loosened to the full extent. 

"Are you okay?"

I rolled my eyes at her and turned away when she tried to land in my point of view. I sniffled and wiped my mouth. "When exactly did you start caring?" 

Jenna stopped walking and then skittishly caught up to me, her voluptuous curves gliding from side to side, swaying up and down. Her thick blond hair was tied in a strangled bun that was falling apart at the sides, and the feathery dress she came in was traded out for a pink cover up. There was never a time Jenna didn't have something pink on her body. 

"I've never seen you emotional before. Jett? Crying? That's unheard of. Jett breaking down? Extremely unheard of. So it must've been something big." 

I gave her a sideways look and shook my head. "You don't know anything about me. You don't even spend enough time around me to know what I'm like."

"We go to the same school, babe." She puckered her lips and smacked them. "No one at school has to figure things out about other people on their own. It never happens like that anymore." A slender finger wrapped around a stray lock of gold. "It's so cute that you went to Parker for comfort," she giggled politely, "he's great with stuff like that. I'm so envious of your friendship. I've never had a best friend." Jenna smiled brightly and looped an arm around mine. 

"Come on now, Jenna, that shouldn't surprise you. Do you have any friends at all?" 

She stopped me and stared me in the eye, fiery and strong. Jenna's face was beautiful, despite the loads of makeup, and her body was as well. It just wasn't something I could deny. No one could, for that matter.

"Listen to me, Jett." She squeezed the same arm in the same spot my dad had held onto it that morning. "I choose to be nice to you."

"Please let go of me." I whispered, staring at the waves crashing behind her. 

"Come on, big boy. Let's keep ourselves on civil terms. You know I'm capable of being the opposite." Jenna tapped my nose and giggled evilly. She tilted her head and observed my face, which I suddenly felt self-conscious of, remembering that I'd been sobbing and aching all over just a couple of minutes ago. I shyly looked away and rubbed one eye, darting my eyes on and off of Jenna. 

Jenna clicked her tongue. "So dreamy." She flipped the stray strands of hair behind her head and twiddled her fingers. 

"Too-da-loo, loverboy!" She started jogging away. Jenna purposefully added a full sway to her wide hips. 

I came to my senses when I saw Jenna's shiny blonde hair drifting in the wind just like it did in the back alley of the parking lot the day Parker held Alec in a chokehold and I nearly gave everything away. I saw Alec's eyes shatter out of their usual radiance and disappear in shards into the abyss of his glistening eyes when I said I didn't care about him, when in reality, I cared about him more than anything in my world. The way he desperately wrangled himself out of Parker's arms to get to his pain relievers flashed in my mind over and over. I was all he had, and I didn't even think twice about what I was saying. He was all I had, and he had no reason or knowledge to believe it, because I didn't give him anything to believe it.

"I knew it!" his voice was shrill, pained and angry, disappointed and regretful.

That sweet, tortured face. 

Lengths of supple, creamy skin. 

The raspy, velvet voice. 

I blinked my eyes, shaking myself out of the past. "What am I doing here...?" I gasped, feeling my tie. I suddenly became panicked and felt a surge of anxiety suffocate me from inside my chest. Yanking off the tie in hasty and frantic motions, I balled it up in my fist and sprinted to find Parker. He was enjoying a freshly poured glass of honey whiskey at the outdoor bar. The deep brown, wooden overhang made the venue look like something in Hawaii. He was standing alone, but people were huddled around the bar and chatting with each other. Parker looked lonely in an odd way – the kind where you see a stranger that seems like they get along well with other people and are admired, but purposefully isolate themselves. He held out his glass as a toast. 

"So, you - "

"I'm leaving."

"What...?" 

I jammed the tie into Parker's hand and huffed. "I'm gonna take a cab. I'll drop the clothes off at your house later. Don't follow me. Tell Jenna to fuck off - "

"Jenna -?"

"Just forget about what happened today, okay? Please. Just do it for me."

"Of course..." Parker's face fell and his mouth twisted with hurt. "Anything for you."

"Don't say that to me." I pointed a finger at him and shook it lightly, inducing an even more hurt look to swim across Parker's face. 

"Will you at least tell me where you're going?"

"No." 

"You're going to Alec's, aren't you?"

I bit my lip angrily, putting a hand on my hip and scratching my eyebrow. 

"Don't do anything you're gonna regret, you piece of shit." He mumbled, swallowing everything in his glass. "You really love this guy, right? Tell him sober. Maybe it'll count for something." Parker scratched the inner corner of his eye and had a hard time looking me in the eye.

I stared at Parker, half of me drowning in admiration. "I hate when you're nice to me." 

Parker half smiled and looked down, turning away and letting me leave. "Better go before it gets too dark."

As I walked away, I peeked over my shoulder and saw that he had turned to glance at me as well.

---

"Hello...?" I gently pushed the already-open front door to the wall. "Alec...?"

The sun had gone down by the time I got back and the sky was cast in a blue green gradient with glimmers of silver up high. The exhaustion I was feeling was unexplainable, but my desire to see Alec overpowered my tiredness by a landslide.

I invited myself in, practically coming home, and shrugged myself out of the suit jacket. I saw that the fireplace had been had been going for quite a while, knowing that Alec liked to start it up when he was feeling stressed. I stood on my knees and shuffled over to the fire, sitting cross-legged in between the two couch chairs and rubbing my hands over each other in front of my mouth. 

"Get out of my house."

Startled, I turned around to face Alec, who was standing at the bottom of the staircase. He was dressed for something – or maybe nothing – in a black shirt under a black jacket, blue jeans and white shoes. His hair was relaxed and combed back; soft and free. 

"Aren't you going to ask me where I've been?"

"No. I'm on my way out."

I turned back to face the flames and held back a pout, knowing the following conversation was going to test my exhaustion. I gingerly touched the calluses on my palms and bit the inside of my lip.

"There are a lot of things I want to say..."

"I don't want to know."

The long-faced pout I was trying so hard to hold back fell free when I turned around again to face Alec. 

"Well, I'm going to tell you anyway." I gathered myself and stood up, marked with guilt when I saw Alec take a step back as I approached him. 

"I'm not drunk right now...." I shrugged, "just for the record...and you have every right to be upset with me right now, but just listen - "

Alec said nothing and just stared at me with his glassy eyes. He moved away from me and sat on one of the white couch chairs in front of the fireplace. My heartbeat felt like a bass inside of my chest, and I struggled to muster up the courage to sit down and continue. 

"I..." my body slipped into the other chair and I rubbed my knees anxiously. "Uh...when I was little, my – a – I - " I stammered and stuttered and tried to properly word my sentences, regretting that I hadn't thought any of this out before. "I don't really know how to do this..."

Alec softened in his seat and eased up on the harsh glare, recognizing that for the first time, I was trying to share my personal life with him – something he had been denied countless times in the past.

"My parents are full blown alcoholics. Like...raging alcoholics. The only reason why they're still together is because they need each other to buy the liquor, so...I mean...they...married each other because my mom got pregnant and then I was probably 5 years old when she started really, really drinking – my dad always drank. So I remember her before she...was...how she always is..." I tapped my fingertips on my thigh and rarely made direct eye contact with Alec, who still hadn't spoken a single word. 

"She's a really, really, really amazing person. I love her a lot. She used to do these incredible portraits of strangers she would see pass by our porch – you would like them so much, Alec, they're phenomenal and captivating and so surreal..." I stole a glance at Alec and saw him fighting back a sad smile. 

"My dad, uh," I swallowed hard. "Was – has – always been physically abusive...I guess you knew that though..." Alec looked into the fire, somewhere deep and distant, lost in my words. I knew I had to make them mean something. Anything. 

"But more than physically abusive, he was – I mean – has been sexually abusive – to me – I - " My heartbeat quickened and almost felt pained. Alec pulled his knees into his chest and looked at me. All of the energy in my body felt like it was being drained out of my fingertips. "All my life, he was like that. He would beat me if I tried to run, and if I told anyone, he said he would hurt my mom. So I didn't tell anyone, because I loved her. I still do. Love her, I mean." I tapped my foot nervously. "My dad was the first person I ever slept with. I remember you asking me about who my first was..." I shamefully glanced up at Alec, who had a look of despair all across his face. "He really hurt me." I scratched at my fingernails and focused on a particular ridge along my thumbnail. "My heart." Alec sighed through his nose, palming a hand over his chest. "Parker helped me escape life at home a lot. And he loved me – Parker – then and now. He really did love me. He does. Even though I'm so mean to him." I laughed awkwardly. "There's nothing about me that – I – don't know why he – I just - " I tried to stop my hands from shaking by clasping them together, but doing so made it worse. "I went to a wedding with him just now and we kissed. A lot." My voice was strained and tired and croaky. "I don't know what I was doing – I – after you said that you hate me I just felt like shit and was such a mess and was just feeling a lot of pain and confusion and," a lump welled in my throat. "I was looking for anything to assure myself that someone out there does love me. At all." I spread out my arms and dropped them, quickly bringing them back to my lap. "And I realized that I only love you. I know you inadvertently asked me to never say that, since you would get mad, but if it makes a difference, I am definitely not drunk and I love you. I want to say it to you all the time. Every day we've been together, I've had to fight so hard not to say it, because I love you so much. I don't know why I forced myself on you like that, Alec - " Alec rubbed his face. "I never drink - I swear to you – I swear on my life, I don't drink and I would never do anything like that to you ever again – please - " Alec started getting up out of his seat. "Alec, wait! Alec! No, please, listen to me - " I stood up and put my palms together, begging him to stay. My voice became desperate and heavy, promising to grow into a sob. "I need you so much – just – every waking minute, you are on my mind, and even if I try to get you out, you come back to me through red leaves in autumn or when the sky turns purple during the sunset or damp wood in the morning or the smell of rain on the pavement or when someone starts to peel a tangerine and the longer I'm away from you, the more frequent I'm reminded of you and it makes me swell up with this horrible feeling of dread that if I don't get back to you right away, you'll be gone forever and I'll never hold you again or touch you again or hear your voice beside me or that you'll forget about me completely and I - " I stopped to catch my breath. "need you."

Alec scratched his cheek. He waited a while before he responded.

"This is all about you."

I frowned, slightly offended by his lack of appreciation for me pouring my heart out to him. "What...?"

"All of this." Alec motioned around us. "It's all about you. What YOU want. What YOU need. You never once mentioned how all of these other people feel, Jett. You're selfish."

I sat down and frowned harder. "I'm not selfish."

"You never do things for other people. You never give, you just get."

"I have NOTHING to give, Alec!!" I yelled, grabbing my head, feeling crazed at his lack of understanding. "I have NOTHING!" I pinched my fingers together and released them extravagantly, resembling the burst of grand fireworks. Alec put a finger up to his lips, signaling to me to quiet down.

"This isn't about monetary value, Jett. This is about doing good things for people without expecting things in return." Alec shook his head in disgust. 

"Alec," the tears started pushing out of my eyes like solid diamonds, even more tormented by his inability to understand me. "I don't expect ANYTHING - " I shook my head slowly, feeling the tiredness sink into my core. 

"The most you've ever done for me is go with me to those recent therapy sessions, and that was basically only for the library - "

"WHAT -?!"

"That therapist, by the way, talked a lot of sense into me about you and really put things into perspective. Shh. Don't speak right now." 

I sniffed and wiped my eyes, hands and feet trembling. 

Alec pointed at me accusingly. "You've been feeding off of me like some sort of parasite and have been making me worse. I thought I was getting better, but I was completely lost. That day I convinced you to stay with me was the stupidest thing I've ever done." Alec reached over his shoulder and grabbed the two new prescription bottles I had seen on the table the other day. "She prescribed me medication that actually works. It works!" Alec sarcastically rejoiced. "I finally feel like myself again, after years of being trapped. Everything was perfectly laid out in front of me when I started taking the pills and I couldn't believe everything I had done to be with you. None of it was even worth it." 

"Alec." I sighed loudly, repressing a sob, burying my face in my hands. "That's a lie." 

"No, Jett. It's the truth. I don't love you. I'm going to start getting better, and I need you to be gone from my life for me to do that. And if you really do love me as much as you say, you'll cooperate." 

I was completely silent besides the occasional sobbing hiccup. "Don't leave me." I begged. 

"I'm sorry about how things are for you at home. I get it. You're damaged. But you're telling me these things at the wrong time. Maybe things would've turned out differently if you told me when I actually wanted to hear it. What was so hard about this? Why couldn't you have told me this sooner?"

"I was ashamed." I choked. "I didn't want you to know." My fingers crawled across my cheek in a long drag. "I knew I would tell you one day and I knew I would be embarrassed but I didn't think it would be THIS embarrassing and the circumstances right now make it so much more embarrassing -!" I bounced my legs up and down, squeezing my head between my hands and looking down. "I feel sick..."

"It's all about you again!" Alec threw his arms up in the air. 

"I hate myself - " the delirium was kicking in and I started hitting myself on the head repeatedly. "I HATE MYSELF." 

"Jesus Christ, Jett. You're just like those case studies psychologists do on kids that don't get proper attention and nurture when they're young. You need help." 

"I told you about that psychologist shit, don't you remember?" I snarled, crossed with anger and sadness. 

"Yeah, and I also remember how right after, you slowly knelt down beside me after I had just started up the fireplace," Alec walked up to me and sensually straddled me in the chair, sending a chill down my spine. "And took my face in your hand real close," Alec did exactly as he spoke. "And asked me, 'If I turned out like one of those kids, would you still want me?' And I looked right at you and said yes," Alec squeezed my shoulder in a rolling motion, meaning to relax me, but knowingly doing the opposite. "And then you laid me down right there, on that floor, hungry for passion," he slid his hand up my shirt and squeezed my side, "for love," he brushed his bottom lip over my eye and grabbed my neck, "desperate for a connection, and made love to me endlessly, nearly a lifetime."

Alec's breathing was growing as unsteady as mine. "But little did you know," he leaned in to my ear and whispered, "I lied."

"What happened to you..." I slurred, pushing Alec away from me in fear. 

"I don't know you! I'm gonna throw up." I frantically grabbed my chest and paced rapidly around the room, searching for anything to vomit in. I crumbled to the floor in front of the trash bin and threw up water. 

Fucking water. 

I groaned and wiped my mouth with a violently shaking hand, realizing I was feeling fatigued and malnourished because I hadn't properly eaten anything for over 24 hours. My stomach growled low, reverberating to my back. I suddenly remembered that I was hypoglycemic, losing the thought for years after never encountering any problems with it. 

"You have to leave." Alec pulled me by the collar of my shirt. I tried to grab the floor with my hands, but Alec had suddenly found physical strength and began dragging me across the tile messily and lopsidedly, making it hard for me to regain orientation. 

"Sugar - "

"That's a new one." Alec threw the door open, dumping Parker's suit jacket on my head.

"No – I need - " I stumbled to my feet and touched Alec's shoulder for support through dizziness. He shoved me out of the doorway immediately, where I fell on my knees onto the three cement stairs and slid down on my side, scraping the left side of my face against the pavement. 

A helpless noise of pain escaped my mouth when my face hit the floor, and my lip quivered uncontrollably when I saw Alec slam the door shut. The air felt piercing cold against my skin, like it was hitting me straight on my bones. I struggled to stand up, pawing at the side walls for stability. 

"Mmmm...?" I looked around and touched the bleeding side of my face. My tears stung against the hundreds of tiny scrape wounds. I stood and scratched my head in agony, turning in circles, not sure where to do or where to go. 

"Where..." I spoke at nothing. "Alec."

I dizzily walked to the fence and shoved past, letting the gate sway back and forth behind me. "So stupid, Jett." I thunked my head. "Doesn't love me. Knew that already." Parker's suit jacket dragged along the street. "You're a fucking idiot. Fucking stupid fuck." I slapped myself and shook my head. 

Before I knew it, I was trudging up the wooden steps in my crickety house and ignoring my mom's screams asking where I got the suit from. My first destination was my clothes drawer, frantically digging out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and mercilessly devouring it in less than 30 seconds. I ate a second and a third, begging for my symptoms to subside. I held a half-eaten sandwich in one shaky hand while pulling Alec's photograph out from under my bedside lamp and tilting my head to examine it. I made sure not to touch it with jelly fingers or get any crumbs around it. I ran my thumb along his smiling face and laid down on my side, nestling my head into my cold pillow. 

"I'm sorry."

The photograph trembled in my grasp.

"What's all this fucking nonsense?" My mom stormed in and hit me on the back of the head. "Where did you get this suit? What is this?" She snatched the picture out of my hand and put her filthy fingers all over the film. 




The Greatest Force Ch. 11



"NO!" I jumped up and tried to grab it from her, but she turned away and took a swig of her beer. "Mom, please! I need that!!" she kept spinning this way and that, making it difficult for me to finally get it away from her and press it to my chest. 

"What is this – you a fucking raccoon or something? Why don't you eat proper food? What is this crap?" She kicked an empty zippy bag into the air and looked at me. "What's wrong with you? You been crying? You have no reason to cry. Shut up." 

She became gentle in a matter of seconds and lovingly tilted my chin up to look at her. "My handsome baby." She smiled warmly, oblivious to the blood all over my face. "My smart boy." I searched her eyes for sanity or any distinguishable soberness, but there was nothing, only an empty field of dirt. "You'll do so well in New York."

"What?" I asked, startled, grabbing her hand on my face. 

"You got an acceptance letter." 

"What...?" I gasped again in disbelief. "When? When!?"

"Get your hands off of me!" My mom said in disgust, yanking away. "Clean up your face. You're a mess." 

Then she stomped out of my room and slammed the door, knocking down the Frank Sinatra poster that had been hanging on my wall for 10 years. 

-----

Sorry for taking so long to put up another entry. I had actually typed this up a month ago and read it over almost every single day and hated how accurate it was. 

As most of you that e-mail me already figured out, this story, from beginning to end, was following my life as I lived it, give or take a couple of weeks. It never occurred to me that someone would somehow figure it out, and I still don't know how so many of you did, but I guess that doesn't matter now. 

In the beginning, all I wanted to do was glorify Alec as a person (whose real name isn't Alec, obviously), but this whole thing turned out to be somewhat therapeutic to me and I didn't know where to set the boundaries. I don't talk to people about what goes on in my life, so doing this was nerve-racking to say the least. I never thought so many of you would relate to and be so involved with and interested in something as outrageous as this. I guess one story can connect countless more.

I was never going to post this last one up. Writing it made me feel so sick and it exhausted me to no end. I couldn't even remember everything that happened because when I tried to think of what happened in between certain memories, I drew a blank, and there was absolutely nothing there at all. I still can't remember it all, but I did my best. I'm so tired of looking at this chapter, but I guess I owe it to you all that truly are so dedicated to following it. I'm sorry if there are grammatical/spelling errors, I really don't have any more energy to look over it.

I didn't finish the chapter, but you can probably assume what happens next by patching together certain bits and pieces. I left to New York already and am attending NYU in a couple of months. My acceptance letter was kept a secret from me for a while. I cut ties with everyone I knew back at home and I feel great. I don't know if any of you even care about this stuff, but I'm saying it anyway. 

The title of the story, "The Greatest Force", comes from something my mom told me once when she was sober. She took me on a 2 hour drive to a grass field that felt like it was at the edge of the world, and we ran down into the grass just before sunset and watched the sky shoot into streaks of gold and red and blue, spanning so wide across the sky and so close to us that we couldn't open our eyes wide enough to see it all, and we didn't say a single word the whole time we were watching the sun go down, until she said to me, "If there's anything I want you to remember your mother told you, it's that the greatest force on this planet is the love you feel and cannot explain when you see a wonder as breathtaking as that." 

I was going to explain that at the end of the last chapter of this series. I guess that came sooner than planned. So there you go. This story is over. I hope that all of you feel love as great as that one day, whenever it may be. I know I have.

Thank you - every one of you.