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Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 01

By: hudsbart



Dear Reader, 

This is my first story and I would love to hear what you think. Comment away, but please go easy! 

Yours, 

Hudson Bartholomew 

***** 

"Cheers!" 

Marcus threw back the shot of tequila and savored the burn that trailed down his esophagus and warmed his belly. 

"We're going dancing!" Stephen shouted in Marcus' ear and headed out to the dance floor dragging his boyfriend of the week behind him. 

Marcus smiled as he watched his best friend disappear into the crowd. He didn't mind being left alone; in fact he preferred it. He leaned back against the bar, gin and tonic in hand, and gazed out onto the mass of glistening, half-naked bodies before him, all moving as one to the thump, thumping of the music. 

It was so loud that it was almost quiet, blending into the white noise of shouting voices until everything faded into the background. Marcus took a deep breath: sweaty men, drenched in musk and pheromones. It smelled so good that Marcus took a second breath, holding it in his lungs as if it were a sweet, sweet hit. 

Friday night meant dancing and debauchery at whatever gay nightclub Stephen fancied that week. The ironic thing was Marcus didn't dance, but he did enjoy the view. And frankly, there was no better place to pick up a hot piece of ass, all primed by the gyrating and humping on the dance floor. The atmosphere buzzed with electricity and Marcus soaked it all in. 

Marcus raised his glass to take a sip when someone bumped into him, sloshing his drink all over his hand. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" 

Marcus scowled in annoyance, and turn to tell the asshole to watch where the hell he was going. But he stopped himself when he was met by big startled eyes and an anxious, almost fearful expression. There was no way he could yell at this guy, looking like a startled deer in headlights. So instead, Marcus just glared. 

"I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" Doe eyes asked. 

"I'm fine. Just watch where you're going." 

Doe eyes swallowed nervously and Marcus' eyes were drawn to the bobbing Adam's apple. He had a thing for men with sexy necks and despite his annoyance with Doe eyes, he had to admit the stranger had a fucking sexy neck. 

"What can I get for you?" asked Dave, the bartender, startling both men. 

Doe eyes looked at the bartender as if he was speaking another language. It took him a minute to figure out what was going on and Marcus took the opportunity to ogle the Adam's apple in profile. Yep, definitely sexy. Marcus started conjuring up ways the stranger could make up for his clumsiness. 

"Um, can I get some water?" 

"What?" Dave asked, tilting his head and leaning across the bar as if he didn't hear the order. 

"Um..." Doe eyes hesitated and shot Marcus a nervous look. Marcus raised an eyebrow, not sure what the guy expected him to do. 

"Can I get some water?" Doe eyes shouted at the bartender. 

Dave frowned, "Water? And?" 

Doe eyes turned to Marcus again with a wild, almost panicked look. 

Marcus rolled his eyes; it was too painful to watch. "How about a shot of tequila, then a gin and tonic," Marcus suggested, giving Dave his standard order. 

Dave shared a puzzled look with Marcus before turning away to fill the order. 

"I don't drink tequila," said Doe eyes. 

"You will tonight," said Marcus, looking him up and down. "Trust me, you need it. You've got newbie written all over you." 

Doe eyes looked down as if there was a sign on his chest that he'd forgotten to remove. Marcus couldn't help but chuckle and shake his head. 

Dave returned, setting the drinks on the bar. Doe eyes knew enough to hand over some cash, but then stared at the glasses as if they'd jump off the bar and eat him alive. 

"Take the shot first to give yourself a jump start." 

Doe eyes picked up the shot glass and gave Marcus a wary look. He gave the clear liquid a sniff and frowned at the bitter smell. 

"That's gross," he said. 

"Just do it," laughed Marcus. "Don't think about it so much." 

Doe eyes took a deep breath and raised the glass to his lips. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tilted his head back and Marcus watched the collar of his shirt strain against the angle of his neck. Then his Adam's apple bobbed again and Marcus felt his cock begin to stir. 

Marcus took a step closer to the new stranger, patting him on the back as he chocked down the liquor. The disgusted look on Doe eye's face was priceless and Marcus smiled at the innocence pouring off the man. He normally didn't go for the young and naive type, but there was something about the complete cluelessness of this guy that had Marcus leaning in until their bodies brushed against each other. 

"Don't drink much, do you?" Marcus whispered in the stranger's ear. 

Doe eyes shook his head and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. His lips were red and swollen, as if he had been chewing on them in his anxiety. Definitely kissable. Marcus' cock was taking notice. 

"So, what's your name?" asked Marcus, half distracted by staring at Doe eyes' lips. 

"Fath- um... I mean, Andy." His voice was breathy, chest rising and falling just inches from Marcus'. 

Marcus glanced into the man's eyes and saw the uncertainty and tinge of fear laced with a heavy dosing of lust. Maybe Andy wasn't his real name, but that really wasn't a problem in Marcus' book. It wouldn't be the first time he'd had sex with someone without knowing their real name. 

"Well, 'I mean, Andy,' I'm Marcus. Nice to meet you." 

Marcus closed the last inch of air in between them and felt the other man jump at the contact. Marcus was certain that Andy Doe eyes would take a step back, but to his credit his eyes just dropped to Marcus' mouth. Marcus took the opportunity to snake his tongue out and run it across his full bottom lip, watching the effect it had on the innocent man within his grasp. 

Marcus leaned in, his lips just millimeters from Doe eyes'. He could feel the other man trembling, his tequila tainted breath shaky as it fluttered over Marcus' lips. But rather than reaching forward to taste the remnants of the liquor from Doe eyes' mouth, Marcus whispered, "Wanna get out of here?" 

Maybe it was too forward, maybe it was too cheesy, but it broke the spell and Doe eyes moved an inch backwards, breaking their contact. 

"Um... but, I just got here." 

Marcus sighed. Too much, too fast; this one might need a lighter touch. 

"You're right," Marcus admitted. "You haven't even finished your drink yet." 

Marcus picked up the abandoned glass from the bar and handed it to Andy. Then he took a small step backwards to give the other man a little breathing room. Doe eyes gave him a shy smile and took a sip of the drink. 

Marcus watched as Andy Doe eyes glanced around the space, taking in the mass of male bodies through his wide and expressive eyes. 

"It's your first time here, right?" Marcus said, starting up on chitchat. 

It was dark in the club, but Marcus could have sworn that Andy blushed a bright scarlet. Marcus found himself wishing he could see it more clearly. 

"It's that obvious, huh?" Doe eyes ducked his head shyly, and Marcus smiled at how adorable he looked. 

"Not gonna lie," Marcus smirked. "It's pretty obvious." 

Marcus gazed at Andy, watching him watch the rest of the club. He noticed the way Andy would worry his lower lip between his teeth, the way his Adam's apple would bob nervously, the way Andy would sneak glances back at Marcus to see if he was still being watched. Doe eyes clearly wasn't used to so much attention, and Marcus found his response adorable. 

"Um... so, you like dancing?" Andy asked, taking a large gulp of drink. 

Marcus turned to the dance floor where Andy had been eyeing the mass of male bodies. 

"No, I'm not really a dancer." 

"Oh..." Andy actually looked disappointed and Marcus couldn't help but laugh out loud. 

"But you're more than welcome to go dance," Marcus said with a grin. 

Andy smiled back, but stared into his glass, swirling the ice cubes around. It didn't look like he was going to go anywhere. 

"Come on," Marcus grabbed Doe eye's hand and led him to an empty corner of the dance floor. Taking Andy's drink from him, Marcus manoeuvred the other man out into an opening between the press of bodies. "You dance, I'll watch." 

Marcus smiled at the startled look Doe eyes gave him, then backed up until he was leaning against a nearby wall. He never took his eyes off Doe eyes and after a moment's hesitation, Doe eyes began to dance. 

It was just a little awkward bouncing at first, until Doe eyes caught the beat. Then it became a more coordinated swaying as Doe eyes tilted his head back, closed his eyes and let his body move. The guy could dance, Marcus had to give him that much. Now if only he was wearing the right clothes for it. 

Marcus' gaze wandered down Andy's body, taking in the oversized cotton button down, stuffed into loosely fitting khaki, completed with a beat up pair of sneakers. Marcus cringed at the outfit. Where did this guy come from? 

But as Andy really got caught up in the beat, Marcus had to admit that underneath the ill-fitting and unfashionable clothes, the guy had some serious moves. Marcus nursed his drink and watched as a small smile spread across Andy's face. 

Then a second of eye contact as Andy glanced over his shoulder at Marcus. It was so quick that Marcus wasn't even sure it happened. Then a second glance—there was no mistaking it this time. Doe eyes was flirting. So much for that sweet and innocent image. 

Doe eyes spun around, arms raised above his head, ass swaying back and forth to the music. Marcus' cock was definitely paying attention to the way the bubble butt was moving so seductively, tempting him to bury himself deep inside. 

The next time Andy glanced over, their eyes met and held. There was a heat there, unmistakable, something about this guy who was naive and untouched, yet sexy as hell. Marcus wasn't sure who moved first, but suddenly they were up against each other, chest to chest, lips just inches apart. 

Marcus wrapped his arms around Doe eyes, hands grasping at that ass and grinding their growing erections against each other. Doe eyes' body was thicker than most of the guys Marcus ended up with, and he was surprised at how much he enjoyed having more man to fill his arms. He felt his cock throb at the thought. 

Marcus leaned in, breathing in the clean woodsy scent wafting off of Andy, helping himself to the delicate skin along Andy's neck. He kissed and licked and sucked at the sensitive skin until Doe eyes was writhing and making impatient little sounds from his throat. Marcus buried one hand into Doe eye's hair and attacked his mouth, capturing those rosy red lips with his own. 

Marcus' tongue demanded entrance and Andy was in no position to refuse. His hands grasped at Marcus as he gave into the onslaught of Marcus's tongue, darting in and out, teasing and caressing until both men were breathless. Andy's mouth tasted spicy and sharp, the alcohol still lingering on his breath. It tasted so good and Marcus wanted more. 

Andy was moaning freely against Marcus' mouth, his hands taking on a life of their own to roam across Marcus' back and down to his ass. Then Andy spread his hands wide and squeezed hard, sending a sharp jolt of arousal straight to Marcus' groin. Marcus broke the kiss, flirting time was over. 

"Fuck," he whispered into Andy's ear. "We need to get out of here." 

Andy blinked, a little too dazed to understand what Marcus was saying. 

"Your place or mine?" 

Andy stared blankly at Marcus for a split second too long. "Your place or mine?" Marcus demanded with a growl. 

"Yours," Andy answered. "Um... Roommates," he explained. 

"Let's go," Marcus took his hand and led them out into the cool spring night. 

***** 

Marcus lived in a small studio apartment in Chelsea just a couple of blocks away from the club. It was New York small, which was about the size of a walk-in closet back home, thought Andy as he surveyed Marcus' apartment. Double bed in the corner, couch taking up most of the floor space and what was really a kitchenette—but passed as a kitchen in New York—along one wall. After several months in New York, Andy was only starting to get used to the claustrophobia of New York small. 

Andy rubbed his hand absently. Marcus hadn't let go of it the entire walk from the nightclub and it still tingled with heat. It was disconcerting and scary to be holding a man's hand in public and Andy kept looking over his shoulder fearful that he'd see someone he knew. But the few times he had tried to extricate his hand, Marcus has tightened his grip and pulled him closer. Andy had to admit, he probably would have lost his nerve if he wasn't physically anchored to Marcus. 

As much as Andy might have been tempted to, he told himself he was not allowed to chicken out tonight. He had gone to the nightclub with a very specific mission. He needed to scratch that irritating itch, to assuage that thorn in his side so that he could go back to the simple life he had always longed for. And as terrified as he was feeling, he was determined to see it through. 

His heart was pounding and he told himself it was because of the fast pace of their walk or the smallness of Marcus' space. But the reality was that he was more than a little panicked at the thought of what lay ahead. He had fooled around with guys before, but he had never gone all the way, so to speak, and he was scared. Scared that it would hurt, that he wouldn't be any good at it, scared that he would enjoy it so much that one night wouldn't be enough. But more than anything, he was scared of going through life never having experienced this. 

Andy let himself indulge in staring at Marcus while he poured them both drinks at his bar cart. Tall and slim, dressed in tight fitting black jeans and a tight fitting black t-shirt. Marcus' hair was a riot of black curls, falling over his forehead and into his eyes in that sexy, I-just-woke-up kind of way. 

Marcus was everything Andy was not: confident, edgy, and oozing sexuality. Andy took a quick glance down at his own body and grimaced at the contrast. As if he didn't feel self conscious enough already; this was all way out of his league. 

Marcus turned from his bar cart with two glasses of amber liquid. His dark eyes, framed by thick lashes, were smoldering with such intensity that Andy forgot to breath. 

"Here, drink this," Marcus handed Andy a glass and Andy tossed it back without asking what it was. The liquid burned and settled into a rolling heat in the pit of his stomach. 

Andy looked up to see an amused grin on Marcus' face and couldn't help but return the smile. 

"That's one way to drink it," Marcus laughed, the sound washing over Andy's frayed nerves. He took Andy's empty glass and set it down on the table, then stretched out his hand. Andy looked at the long tapered fingers, fascinated by the neatly trimmed nails and smattering of hair on the back. It was a sexy hand, Andy realized, surprising himself with the thought. 

"Coming?" Marcus asked with an amused smile. Andy flushed at the invitation and let himself be led to the bed. 

The two men faced each other, separated by an inch of heavy air. Andy took a deep breath and got a lungful of Marcus, lingering sweat from the nightclub and the spiciness of cinnamon. The heat in his stomach started spreading throughout his body and his heart skipped a beat in anticipation. His tongue snaked out to wet his dry lips and Marcus' eyes followed the movement. The intimacy of the look made Andy's breath hitch. 

As if in slow motion, Andy watched Marcus lean in for a kiss and he braced himself for the contact. 

This time, though, the feel of the other man's lips on his own wasn't as shocking and hungry as it was at the club. This time was slower and gentler, but still sent chills down Andy's body. The scent of Marcus was all around him, enveloping him in warmth and soaking into his senses. It was addicting, like a fine wine that you wanted to savor. 

The desire to know Marcus' taste prompted Andy to sneak out his tongue and lick experimentally across Marcus' lips. To his delight, Marcus opened for him, letting Andy explore at his leisure. His tongue dipped into the heat of Marcus' mouth, tracing delicately across the smooth ridges of teeth and into the hidden crevices. 

Andy's first contact with Marcus' tongue was almost by accident and he pulled back slightly, embarrassed by his explorations. But Marcus smiled, raised a hand to Andy's cheek and pulled him back in. 

Encouraged, Andy set about exploring again, this time chasing after Marcus' tongue as it evaded his own. It was such an odd feeling to have another person's tongue slide across your own. It felt strange, forbidden, and Andy was growing hard at the intimate contact. 

Marcus' other hand grasped on to Andy's hip, pulling them closer. Andy felt Marcus' erection pressing against his and he trembled in excitement and fear. He was the cause of the erection. Marcus wanted him. It was exhilarating and intimidating at the same time. 

Andy's hands were grasping at Marcus' shoulders, feeling the sinew of muscles running down his arms. His palms tingled at the way the muscles twisted and dipped in all the right places, as if forming handles for Andy to clasp onto. 

Marcus' own hands found their way to Andy's waist, pressing their bodies firmly together. Then one ran up across Andy's back and the other went down to grab a handful of soft round ass. They were connected from mouth to knee, the closeness enveloping Andy until his brain about short circuited. His erection was so hard it was almost painful and he could stop himself from rubbing up against Marcus to relieve some of the tension. When Marcus returned the move, Andy whimpered into his mouth. It was all too much; and yet not enough. 

Abruptly, Marcus growled deep in his chest and broke off the kiss. Both men were panting breathlessly, lips so close they were breathing in each other's air. 

There was a look in Marcus' eyes. Andy recognized it from those nature shows when some panther was about to pounce on its prey. It was a hungry look, determined, and you just knew that the poor antelope was about to be devoured. It took a split second for Andy to realize that he was the prey for the evening. 

His heart started pounding, blood rushing past his ears and pooling into his dick. If he hadn't been feeling lightheaded from the kiss, he certainly was now as he recognized that he was caught. Sure, he had wanted to get caught, but that didn't make the reality any less terrifying. 

And like a panther who had successfully lured it's prey into his trap, Marcus pounced. His mouth slanted down hard against Andy's, forceful and demanding, while his hands set to work removing the offending barriers of clothing between them. 

It was all Andy could do to cling to Marcus during the onslaught. 

Andy's shirt was pulled out of his pants and unbuttoned in such haste that a couple of buttons popped off and bounced on the floor. Marcus pulled the sleeves down Andy's arms, running his hands over the exposed skin and following with his mouth. He licked and nibbled, trailing a path down Andy's chest until Marcus was on his knees. 

Andy buried his hands into Marcus' curls and clung on to him, too overwhelmed to do anything but stand there and remember to breath. Marcus' mouth felt scorching on his already overheated skin, but he wanted more. He wanted to mark himself with the shape of Marcus mouth, brand his consciousness with the feel of Marcus on his skin until it consumed him entirely. 

Andy didn't even realize Marcus had undone his pants until they were pooled around his ankles and Marcus' traveling mouth had attached itself to the wet spot on Andy's briefs and sucked. Andy cried out and forcefully pulled Marcus off, afraid he was going to cum in his underwear. He looked down to see Marcus peaking up at him through those thick lashes with the dirtiest smirk on his face. Andy leaked another dollop of pre-cum into the wet spot. 


Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 01



Then without warning, Marcus pulled Andy's legs out from under him and he landed on the bed, flat on his back. Disoriented, Andy blinked up at the ceiling as his mind tried to catch up to the feelings coursing through his body. When he felt Marcus tugging at his pants, he kicked his shoes off to help. 

Then he watched as Marcus made quick work of his own clothes. The muscles on Marcus' arms bunched and flexed as they lifted his t-shirt over his head, revealing the toned hard ridges of his abs. Andy's eyes were drawn to the trail of dark curly hair running down the center of Marcus' body and he followed it until it disappeared into his jeans. 

Marcus' hands were at his belt, undoing the buckle and pausing before pulling the whole thing out in one swift move. The leather snapped loudly causing Andy to jump. If he still had his wits about him, Andy would have laughed at the spectacle Marcus was so obviously putting on. But he seemed to have lost his wits somewhere on that dance floor. All his brain could focus on now was what lay behind the zipper of those tight jeans. 

Marcus undid the button, then with agonizing slowness pulled the zipper down, one tooth at a time. Andy gasped as each tooth separated, certain that he would hyperventilate and die before Marcus was done. Andy's entire being was so focused on what lay behind that zipper that he almost forgot about the painful throbbing of his own cock. 

Andy pushed himself up to sitting to get a better view of the action. When the zipper reached the bottom and Marcus' hand fell away, Andy still couldn't tear his eyes from the black cotton stretched over pulsing flesh. 

"Would you like to do the honors?" Marcus' voice was rough with desire and Andy's eyes shot up, startled. 

His fingers itched to reach out and touch, to learn the texture of Marcus' skin, to unwrap Marcus' length from the confines of his clothes. Andy attention refocused on the temptation in front of him, but he fingers remained tangled in the sheets. 

What if he did it wrong? What if he wasn't any good at this and Marcus didn't like it? He could still back out now, he could grab his pants and run out the door, back to where he was safe and comfortable. But then he would never know what it felt like. He'd never know what it was like to hold another man in his hand, to feel skin on his skin, to fill that emptiness he had inside. The question would haunt him forever; he couldn't go through life not knowing. 

Andy slowed raised a hand, but it hovered half way to Marcus' hip. Then, as if sensing his inner thoughts, Marcus stepped closer, in between Andy's legs. He was trapped now, his legs pushed apart to accommodate Marcus. His face was inches from that bulge he'd been unable to take his eyes off of all evening. 

Andy reached out he gingerly ran his fingers over the exposed skin before him, eliciting a sharp inhale from Marcus. Andy looked up for reassurance and found a smoldering heat in Marcus' eyes. Emboldened, Andy brought his other hand up and spread both across Marcus' abs, feeling the tight muscles beneath his palms. His hands ran up to Marcus' chest, enjoying the smoothness of his skin, then slowly back down, tracing every line and ridge. Andy felt Marcus' rapid breathing and thrilled at the knowledge that he was the cause. 

When he reached those jeans again, he hooked his fingers under the waistband of Marcus' underwear and paused. This was it. No going back now. Andy swallowed thickly and ran his tongue across his suddenly dry lips. This drew a grunt from Marcus who had his fingers clenched in fists by his side. But he didn't rush Andy. 

After a deep breath, to gather his courage, Andy pushed the jeans and underwear down together until they caught at Marcus' knees. Then he stared. He took another deep breath and the scent of Marcus, potent and intoxicating, almost overwhelmed him completely. 

Marcus was big. And beautiful. The head was purple and pulsing, sticking straight up in the air. The gentle folds of the foreskin were pulled back and taunt around Marcus' hard cock. There wasn't a single strand of hair in sight; Andy had never seen anything like that before. 

Andy's fingers feathered over the delicate skin around the base of Marcus' cock, marveling over the satiny smoothness. Then they traced lightly over the folds of skin, astonished at the contrast with the steely hardness underneath. His finger made their way to the head of Marcus' dick to lightly pet the smooth glands. The cock pulsed under his touch and Andy pulled back, startled. 

Another glance up saw Marcus with his jaw clenched tight, eyes narrow and focus on Andy's exploration of his body. Marcus was wound up tight, Andy could tell, it made his breath hitch and his heart beat faster. 

A bead of pre-cum had formed at the slit of Marcus' cock, and without thinking, Andy leaned forward to lick the drop off. 

It was salty and sweet at the same time. It was unlike anything Andy had ever experienced, and he wanted another taste. He lapped at the slit, trying to coax more of the salty fluid onto his tongue. Marcus' hands found their way into Andy's hair, encouraging him onto his cock. Andy licked around the engorged head, learning the feel of the skin on his tongue, savoring the taste of Marcus, inhaling the cinnamon and musk. 

Andy found that he loved the weight of Marcus' cock on his tongue. He loved how hefty it was and how his jaw stretched to accommodate the thickness. He wanted more of it, he wanted to fill his mouth with the velvety steel and feel it slide down his throat. 

He didn't get that far though. About half way down Marcus' cock, Andy's gag reflex kicked in and he had to pull back to avoid embarrassing himself. But he didn't let that stop him, he kept licking at the ridges and swells, wrapping his lips around the head and trying to suck more of the delicious pre-cum from Marcus' slit. 

It wasn't enough; he wanted more. So he tried again. This time, Andy ran the bulbous head of Marcus' cock along the roof of his mouth, when it hit the back, he took a deep breath and pushed his head down just a little bit farther. He got maybe an extra inch in before his gag reflex kicked in again. 

Marcus' fingers tighten in Andy's hair, pulling him back and off his cock. A string of spit dangled from Andy's lips to the swollen purple head; Andy flushed at the sight. 

Marcus pushed Andy onto his back, quickly relieved himself of his jeans before crawling up between Andy's splayed legs. Marcus' eyes were focused on his prey, and his body shifting gracefully as he stalked his way up Andy's body. 

When he reached the obscene bulge in Andy's white briefs, Marcus paused and flashed Andy knowing smirk. Andy's dick jumped in its confines and he grasped onto the sheets beneath him. 

Marcus reached over the waist band with one hand and then the next, then pull the tighty whities down just far enough to hook underneath Andy's heavy and aching balls. Andy cock lay across his stomach, leaking profusely, the head red and sensitive to the lightest touch. 

Then without warning, Marcus leaned forward and engulfed Andy's cock, sinking all the way down until Andy felt Marcus' throat constrict tightly around the head. He was on fire, his cock was on fire. The explosion of heat from Marcus' mouth radiated through every inch of Andy's body, shocking him as he arched off the bed. 

"Stop! Stop!" Andy called out, his hands pushing at Marcus. It was all too much, too overwhelming, and Andy had to forcefully dragged in each breath to calm his racing heart. He was still hard as a rock, and his skin still tingled but his mind was a mess of thoughts. 

Andy lay on the bed, eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling, unable to form the words he needed. He wanted this, he still wanted this. But it was too much, too overpowering. He couldn't figure out what it all meant. 

Marcus laid himself on top of Andy and gazed down at him with curious and worried expression. The stalking panther was gone. It was clear he wanted an explanation, but Andy didn't have one to give him. So he just lay there, one half of his brain noting the pleasant weight of Marcus' body on top of his own, the other half scrambling to find something to say. 

"Can- can I ask you something?" Marcus' voice was gravely, still tinged with desire. 

Andy nodded, unable to find his voice. 

"Have-" Marcus frowned. "Have you done this before?" 

Now Andy frowned, his body tensing at the unexpected question. 

"Um... what do you mean?" 

"I mean, gone home with a stranger to have sex." 

Andy flushed at Marcus' explicitness. He glanced away wide eyed at the description of what exactly it was they were doing. He didn't want to answer truthfully, somehow embarrassed at his own inexperience. Had he really been that obvious? 

Marcus' frown deepened. 

"Have you-" he paused to clear his throat. "You've had sex before, right?" 

Andy flushed even deeper. 

"Oh my god," Marcus rolled off of Andy and brought his hands up to cover his face. "Oh my fucking god." 

Andy frowned at the obscenity, but it didn't feel like the right time to point out that it was offensive. 

"Unbe-fucking-lievable," Marcus sat up and grabbed his underwear from the floor. 

Andy sat up with him when he realized that Marcus was putting his clothes back on. He grabbed onto Marcus' arm to stop him. 

"No, wait! I- wait, let me explain." 

Marcus glared at him and shook of his arm. He stood, put his underwear back on, and turned to face Andy again. 

"So explain." 

Andy sighed. 

"It's... complicated." 

"Un-complicate it for me." 

Andy hesitated, trying to piece together an explanation just plausible enough for Marcus to believe. 

"Yes, I'm a... a virgin. And yes, I went to the club tonight to... do something about it." 

"You don't go to a club to lose your virginity!" Marcus exclaimed. "You're supposed to find some sweet boy, and you're both into each other, and you explore. You don't go to a gay nightclub full of who knows what kind of psychos and pick up a random stranger. What-are you trying to get yourself raped?!" 

Andy was scowling now, but before he could respond to the outburst, Marcus went on. 

"Well, you can forget about it. I'm not in the habit of taking people's virginities. You should leave." Marcus went to his bar cart, poured himself a big glass of that amber liquid, and proceeded to take a big swallow. 

"And why me, by the way?" he asked, turning back to Andy. "Why did you pick me, of all the strange men in that club. Why me?" 

Andy opened his mouth to answer, but found that he wasn't sure why. There was just something about Marcus that stood out to him when Andy first arrived at the club. Marcus was like a beacon that Andy followed to the bar. The pull was so strong that Andy had become clumsy with nerves. He didn't normally go bumping into people left and right. 

"You made me feel safe," he said finally. 

That seemed to have caught Marcus off guard, because he abandoned his glass on the table with a sigh of resignation. 

"It's true, I don't know you. But you make me feel safe and I want to do this with you." 

Marcus squeezed his eyes shut. Andy could see him battling with himself. 

"If I kick you out, you're just going to go back there and find somebody else, aren't you?" 

Andy paused before answering, because he wasn't sure he would. He doubted he'd have the courage to go back there again, certainly not tonight. But the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. He wanted this with Marcus. He wanted his first time to be with Marcus. 

Marcus must have interpreted his silence the wrong way, because he glared at Andy with his hands on his hips. 

"Well, fuck. What do you expect me to do with that?" 

Andy gave him a small, hesitant smile. Maybe if he kept his mouth shut, Marcus would draw his own conclusions. Andy's body began reacting to the thought; his heart beat picked up speed, his skin started to tingle again, and his cock, which had never really deflated, began throbbing steadily. 

Marcus had that look in his eyes again, the one that reminded Andy of a panther and made him feel like he was the prey. 

Marcus stalked toward him with enough menace in his gaze that Andy scooted farther back onto the bed. Marcus unceremoniously shucked off his underwear and left it lying on the floor. Andy's eyes were drawn to Marcus' cock; it had gone soft during their exchange but was quickly reviving. 

Marcus climbed up onto the bed and braced himself above Andy. His thigh was in between Andy's thighs, but nothing was touching. Andy's breathing quickened as he found himself once again immersed in Marcus' scent. It filled his lungs and traveled straight down to his cock making it leak all over his stomach. 

"You're sure you want to do this?" Marcus asked, voice husky. 

"Yes," Andy nodded, wondering if he sounded as desperate as he felt. 

Marcus gave one last sigh, and brushed a stray lock of hair off of Andy's forehead. 

"Your eyes are... beautiful," Marcus said. "They're so big and innocent, like a deer." 

"A deer?" 

"Like Bambi," Marcus smiled wryly. 

"Please don't call me Bambi," Andy cringed. 

Marcus gave a little chuckle. 

"How about Doe eyes?" 

"Only marginally better." 

"Well tough, that's what I'm calling you now, Doe eyes." 

Andy smiled shyly. He wasn't going to admit it, but the nickname was kind of cute. The smile faded when Marcus leaned down for a gentle kiss, a light brush over the lips. It was so different from before, not hungry or seductive. This kiss was tender, caring, and if Andy hadn't known better, he would have thought it was almost loving. 

Andy immediately opened to Marcus' gently probing tongue. He could taste the spiciness of that amber liquor on Marcus' tongue and he moaned as the remnants warmed his mouth and body. It drove him crazy that you could taste what a person just ate by kissing them. It made him hungry for more of Marcus. 

Marcus nipped and nibbled at Andy's lips, then jaw, then neck. His tongue traced up and down, stopping to lap at Andy's earlobe, then down to tickle his collarbone. Andy titled his head back to give Marcus access, and his fingers buried themselves in Marcus' curls. 

Marcus slowly made his way down Andy's body. Andy's nipples each got ample attention from Marcus' teasing tongue. Marcus fingers raked through Andy's smattering of chest hair, sending shivers down Andy's body. Who knew his chest hair would be so sensitive? 

Marcus paused at Andy's sternum, sealed his lips to Andy's skin and sucked. The pressure brought Andy's back arching off the bed as he clutched Marcus to him. His dick was throbbing painfully and Andy bucked trying to find friction. 

"Please, Marcus," Andy begged. 

"Easy, Doe eyes. Just relax," Marcus pushed Andy back down on the bed and continued his lazy exploration. He dipped into Andy's belly button, and Andy let out a strangled chuckle at the tickle. But he didn't stay there long. 

Soon, Marcus was hovering over Andy's cock again, his breath warm on the sensitive flesh. Andy could hear blood rushing past his ears as he watched what Marcus would do next. He could feel his dick pulsing in time with his heart beat. He hadn't even realized that he was holding his breath until Marcus gave his a slow, wet lick from the base of his cock to the head. Andy gasped at the heat and he tensed, fighting against the urge to cum. 

"Wait," Andy protested. "I'm going to cum if you do that." 

"That's kind of the idea," Marcus replied with a smirk. 

"But-" 

"Don't worry so much about it. Just relax and let me take care of you." Marcus pushed Andy back and ran his fingers across Andy's chest, raking at the hairs. 

Andy sighed into the caress, his head falling back as he gave himself over to the sensations. He felt a molten heat encase the head of his dick and a tight suction that make him arch up. The searing lava flowed down his cock, engulfing him and pushing all thoughts out of his mind. His entire being was centered on the fire radiating out from his cock. He was being consumed. 

He felt a soft caress on his balls, fondling and cupping. They were rolled back and forth against each other, the friction sending jolts of sensation in his cock, which only served to bury it deeper into the furnace of Marcus' mouth. 

Then he felt Marcus' throat constrict around the head of his cock and without warning, waves after waves of pleasure crashed through him. Andy arched up off the bed as his senses were flooded, nerve endings firing in quick succession. 

His cock was raw as he felt ropes of cum exploding from him and Marcus' mouth was unrelenting in milking every last drop. 

It was a slow descent from the peak and Andy was unsure how much time had passed when he came back to earth. Andy managed to open his eyes just enough to see Marcus lying on his side, head propped up on his arm, gazing down at him with a wistful expression. 

"Hey, Doe eyes." 

"Hey," Andy's voice was shaky and weak. His eyes drifted shut again at the soothing sound of Marcus' voice. 

"You alright, there?" 

"Mmm..." was all Andy managed to get out. 

Marcus let out an amused chuckle. 

"Well, you're welcome," Marcus murmured. 

Andy breathed deep, filling his nose with the cinnamon and spice of Marcus' scent. It smelled so good, he rolled closer to bury his face into Marcus' neck to get more. The last thought on his mind was that he should reciprocate before falling asleep. But maybe he'll just take a little nap before he gets to it. 

***** 

Marcus loitered outside of The Owl, studying the pattern of cracks on the sidewalk. His mother was waiting inside for their bi-weekly brunch date, and he really had no excuse not to go in. But he didn't want to. 

He'd actually woken up with a smile on his face this morning. That usually didn't happen. He was anything but a morning person. But the smile faded quickly when he realized he was alone in bed, the pillow next to him still smelling like Andy. There was no sign of the man, no note to tell Marcus how to get in touch. Just his lingering scent and two used glasses to prove that he had been there at all. 

Marcus paced back and forth on the sidewalk, dreading having to go inside and sit with his mother. She would know something was wrong and end up dragging the entire story out of him. He really didn't want to get into the whole thing. 

Marcus' pocket vibrated. He pulled out his phone to see a text message from his mother. 

I can see you outside, what are you waiting for? 

Marcus suppressed an eye roll, knowing his mother was likely watching his every move. 

Inside the restaurant, Marcus spotted his mother in the corner by the window sipping on a Bellini. He slid into his seat with a sigh, sunglasses still covering his drooping, tired eyes. 

"Hi, Mom." 

Cheryl frowned at Marcus' tone. 

"What's wrong? And take those sunglasses off." 

Marcus reluctantly complied, but didn't bother meeting her gaze. 

"Nothing's wrong," he lied. 

"Don't lie to me. What's wrong?" 

Marcus shot her his best mind your own business glare, and just got an expectant eyebrow raise in response. 

"I met someone last night," Marcus admitted. "Well, I don't know if 'met' is the right word to use." 

"You picked up a boy last night," Cheryl clarified. 

"God, Mom." Marcus glanced around the room to see if anyone heard. "Don't say it like that. You make me sound like some sicko pedophile." 

"Oh, please. So tell me about the boy you picked up last night," Cheryl asked unapologetically. 

"His name's Andy," Marcus paused. "Oh god, I don't even know if his real name is Andy." 

"When has that ever stopped you in the past?" 

"Mom!" 

"What? It's true, isn't it?" 




Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 01



Marcus frowned because it was true, and because it was disconcerting that his mother seemed to have no problem with it. 

"Aren't you supposed to disapprove of something like that?" 

"Why? You'll just keep doing the same thing behind my back. I'd much rather you talk to me about it." Cheryl waved it off, dismissively. "So, back to Andy. What's so special about him?" 

"I didn't say there was something special about him." 

Cheryl raised an eyebrow. God, he hated that eyebrow sometimes. 

"He... was a virgin. Is a virgin? I don't know. You get the idea." 

"Oh," Cheryl paused, a knot forming on her brow. "Well, that's different." 

"Yeah, no sh-" Marcus stopped himself at Cheryl's scowl. "No kidding. I don't usually make a habit out of sleeping with virgins." 

"So what happened?" 

Marcus sighed, playing with his napkin. 

"I don't know. We met at the club, he came over to my place. Everything seemed to be going fine, but then he seemed kind of nervous, like he wasn't sure what he was doing. So I asked him and he admitted to it." 

Marcus ran a hand through his hair. 

"I wanted to stop. I asked him to leave. But there was something about the way he looked. Like, as if he had a lot at stake and if it didn't work out then... I don't know. Besides, I figured if I made him leave, he'd just go back to the club and find someone else. I thought maybe it was better that I do it; at least I'd try to make it good." 

"That's very generous of you, Marcus. And, also oddly selfish." Cheryl responded with an amused smirk. 

"Thank you?" Marcus asked. 

"I'm not certain that's compliment." 

"Great," Marcus said dryly. "Anyway, it's not like we went all the way." 

Cheryl looked out the window with a little flush on her cheeks. 

"That's borderline too much information." 

"I thought you wanted to know this stuff." Now it was Marcus' turn to smirk. 

"Not quite that stuff." Cheryl said with a huff and took a big gulp of her Bellini. 

"Right," Marcus smiled. His mother, at once shocking and a prude. He loved her. 

"So you'll be seeing this Andy again?" 

"No," the frown was back. "He was gone when I woke up this morning." 

"He stayed the night?" Cheryl asked, surprised. 

"Clearly not the entire night." 

"You never let the boys stay the night." 

"Well, he didn't actually stay, did he?" 

"And he didn't leave a note or anything?" 

Marcus shook his head and buried his fingers in his hair again, elbows braced on the table. 

"That's very inconsiderate of him. What a rude man." Cheryl uncrossed and re-crossed her legs under the table, adjusted the placement of the utensils, and took another sip of her drink. "I don't think I like him." 

Marcus smiled at his mother's protectiveness, endearing, although wholly unnecessary. 

"Thank you, Mother." 

Cheryl just nodded firmly, put out by Andy's disappearance. 

"But it's not as if he walked out on you, he walked out on me. So no need to get all worked up about it." 

"I am not worked up!" Cheryl narrowed her eyes at Marcus. "Why are you defending him?" 

Marcus blinked. 

"I don't know..." 

"Do you have feelings for him?" Cheryl asked suspiciously. 

"No! I mean, how could I? I spent all of a few hours with the guy." 

"Sometimes that's all it takes," Cheryl said with a smile. 

"No, at least not this time," Marcus glared. "He's too... I just wanna... Rrr!" 

"You're angry at him?" 

"Yes! I'm angry at him. What a... jerk! Who does he think he is? Who does that?" Marcus pushed back from the table, cross both his arms and legs in a huff and stared out the window. 

"Asshole," he mumbled under his breath. 

"What are you smiling at?" Marcus snapped when he noticed his mother's amused smirk. 

"Oh nothing," she smiled. 

"What?" Marcus demanded. 

"I don't think I've seen you so worked up about a boy since that time you were 10 and Stephen stole your bike." 

"That is completely not the same thing," Marcus said as he rolled his eyes. "You know Stephen and I never... You know." 

"Yes, I know. But I'm still right." 

"When are you ever not right?" Marcus' voice dripped with sarcasm. 

"Hm, never." Cheryl took a dainty sip of her Bellini and signaled a waiter over for more. 

"Don't look so pleased with yourself," Marcus said, drowning his own Bellini, ready for a refill. "But really, what was that supposed to mean?" 

"It means that..." Cheryl paused and gave Marcus an examining look. "You really have no way of getting in contact with him?" 

"Not unless he comes back to the club," Marcus frowned. "I don't think that's going to happen though." 

"Well, you never know. Keep your eyes open just in case. Sounds like he's got quite a story and I think you should be open to listening if he's willing to tell you." 

"What makes you think he'll be back?" 

"I don't know if he'll be back. But just in case... Like I said, you never know." 

Marcus was pretty sure Andy wouldn't be back. He told himself that was probably for the best. After all, he usually couldn't wait to get rid of most of the guys he brought home. He should be happy that Andy didn't stick around. Unfortunately, telling himself that did nothing to make him less pissed off. 

"You know," Cheryl went on. "You wouldn't have this problem if you'd just settle down with someone nice." 

"I've had boyfriends before, Mom," Marcus whined. "You never like any of them." 

"That's because they're all those flaky artist types." 

"I'm a flaky artist type," Marcus countered. 

Cheryl snorted. "You like to think you're the flaky artist type. But you're too responsible for that. I mean, really, you have a job, flaky artist types don't have jobs." 

Marcus rolled his eyes. He knew she was right. Not only did he have a job, but it was of that corporate variety that true flaky artist types looked down on. No, he just liked the idea of being a flaky artist, dressing the part with his daily uniform of black jeans and black t-shirts. But the honest truth was his art wasn't good enough for him to make a career out of it. So he settled for a corporate job; not as glamorous, but it was safe. 

"You know, I met this nice young man the other day. He's helping with the decor for that museum gala I'm organizing." Cheryl smiled. "I could introduce you." 

"No, Mother. Do you remember the last time you tried to set me up with someone?" Marcus groaned at the thought. His mother was really the worst matchmaker in the world. 

"That wasn't my fault. How was I supposed to know that he wasn't gay when he dressed like that? And he agreed to meet you, so what was I supposed to think?" 

"He was new in town, Mother. He thought I was just showing him around the city." Marcus shook his head at the memory of the disastrous date that ended with him trying to kiss a straight guy. "You've got the worst gaydar I've ever seen." 

"Well, there's absolutely no doubt with Charles. I asked, just to make sure." 

"You asked him?" Marcus said incredulously. "That's awkward." 

"Quite the contrary, he was very polite about it." Cheryl looked pleased with herself. "So? I'll give him your number? It'll take your mind off this Andy character." 

Marcus' instinct said no, but he didn't really have any excuse. His habit of sleeping around was working for now, but he was aware he couldn't go on like this forever. Eventually he wanted to find someone to share his life with. This Charles might not be that someone, but it couldn't hurt to give him a shot. What's the worst that could happen? Actually, it was probably best not to go down that road. 

"Also, your father wants you to catch a ballgame with him." 

Marcus rolled his eyes and groaned 

"Does he want to? Or do you want to?" 

"Does it matter?" Cheryl narrowed her eyes at Marcus' tone. 

"You know it always ends up with him chatting with his work buddies and me playing on my phone," Marcus whined. 

"You should be more grateful. Your father is trying his best and you need to cut him some slack. He's an old straight white man who doesn't know how to communicate his feelings. But he loves you and he loves baseball, and he's just trying to connect. You need try a little harder." 

"Okay, fine," Marcus sighed. "I'll call him later. I guess there are worse things in the world than sitting through a baseball game." 

Cheryl raised that eyebrow again and Marcus just smirked in response. 

***** 

Marcus glanced at his watch and then the scoreboard and cursed. It was only the third inning, but he felt like he had been there for ages already. This game couldn't end soon enough. 

"Marcus!" 

He turned at the sound of his father's voice. 

"Come here, let me introduce you to someone." 

Marcus obediently went to join his father with one of his work buddies. 

"Marcus, this is Bill Newbury of Newbury Capital. Bill, this is my son Marcus, an art director with Stratified Studios." 

Marcus shook hands with Bill Newbury as if he knew what the hell Newbury Capital was. 

"Very nice to meet you, sir." 

"Stratified Studios, that's that design company isn't it? You guys did the great campaign for the wristwatch last summer, right?" Bill Newbury kept up with the trends apparently. 

"Yes, that was us," Marcus smiled politely. "Sorry, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find the men's room." 

Marcus beat a hasty retreat. His father had done this type of thing before, trying to get him to talk business with one of his buddies. Marcus always found it was better to escape before they got too far into that conversation. 

He ventured down the hall and walked right past the men's room reserved for the lucky patrons of the Yankee stadium viewer boxes. Marcus figured he'd wander a bit, kill some time, hopefully by the time he got back to the box the game will be almost over. 

As Marcus meandered through the halls of Yankee stadium, his mind drifted back to Andy, as it had whenever he had a quiet moment. Marcus shoved his hands in his pocket, glaring at the concrete floor. It'd been a month already and he still couldn't get those big brown eyes out of his head. 

He'd gone on a date with that Charles guy his mother set him up with last night. They had a good time over dinner and drinks, chatting about design stuff. Charles was a good looking guy, Marcus could admit, and they even ended the night with a quick kiss on Marcus' stoop. But he had no real desire to take things beyond that, very usual for him. They hadn't arranged a second date yet, but Marcus was wondering if that was even a good idea. 

"You guys all have your money for food?" 

That voice. Marcus had heard that voice before. He scanned the area looking for the soft brown hair and big brown eyes. When he finally found it, he did a double take. 

Andy was talking to a small group of kids, maybe twelve, thirteen years old. They were in the line for the concession stand. But it wasn't the kids that surprised Marcus, it was the black button down that Andy was wearing, complete with a white priest collar. 

Marcus stared as Andy chatted animatedly with the kids, throwing his head back to laugh at something one of them said. It reminded Marcus of how Andy threw his head back that night in an entirely different manner. 

Marcus set his jaw and marched up to the group. 

"Excuse me," he said through clenched teeth. 

Andy turned with a smile, which quickly faded when he saw who it was. Marcus watched as Andy paled. 

"Do you have a minute?" Marcus stole a quick glance at the kids who were watching them with interest. 

"Uh..." 

Marcus cocked his head as Andy stared at him speechless. 

"Father Dylan?" One of the kids asked. 

Andy blinked once, twice, before coming to his senses. 

"Um, yes. Yes. Peter, you're in charge. Take everyone back to our seats when you're done." Andy gave instructions without taking his eyes off of Marcus. 

"Sure thing, Father Dylan," the kid named Peter said. 

Marcus turned on his heel and made a beeline for the men's room. His heart was pounding as thoughts raced through his head. He had spent so much time this past month thinking about what he would say to Andy if he ever saw him again, but now that they were here, all those words escaped him. 

In the bathroom, Marcus faced a solemn looking Andy, still pale, eyes a little wild, hands clutched in fists by his side. He was wound up so tight Marcus wanted grab him and kiss the tension out of him. 

Marcus shook his head at the thought. That's the last thing he should be doing. 

"Father Dylan?" Marcus' question came out as a snarl and Andy flinched at the tone. "Is Andy even your real name?" 

"Yes, of course it is," Andy answered. "You thought I gave you a fake name?" 

"I wasn't sure what to think after you ran out on me." 

Andy was embarrassed enough to blush and look away. 

"Well?" Marcus went on. "What do you have to say for yourself?" 

Andy frowned and opened his mouth, but no words came out. He swallowed, drawing Marcus' attention to the bobbing Adam's' apple and white collar. It sight simultaneously caused a stirring in his pants and amped up his anger. 

"Say something!" 

"I... I didn't think you'd want me to stay," Andy said. It came out slowly, measured, calming. "Isn't that how those things work?" 

"What things?" 

"One night stands?" 

Marcus took a step back at those words. Suddenly, he couldn't breathe, all that anger rushing through his veins evaporated as he realized what a fool he had been. 

"Right," he said, much less forcefully than before. "That's exactly what it was." 

He moved toward the door but Andy was in his way. 

"Move," Marcus said quietly but firmly. 

"No, wait-" 

"I said, move!" 

"Wait!" Andy's hands came up again Marcus' chest to physically stop him. 

Marcus could feel the heat of Andy's palms seep through his shirt and warm his skin. It mixed with whatever strange feelings were rolling through him and before he really understood what he was doing, he had grabbed Andy behind the head and was pressing their mouths together. 

Andy resisted for a split second before melting under Marcus' hands and parting his lips for Marcus' invading tongue. Marcus took full advantage, ravaging Andy's mouth hungry, pouring all the anger, frustration, and yes, pent up sexual need into that kiss, until Andy was clinging to him and whimpering. 

Marcus pulled back suddenly and looked into Andy's unfocused and bewildered eyes. He took in Andy's red and swollen lips and mussed up hair, and the way every breath was a little gasp of air. 

Then Marcus leaned down until his lips were hovering right above Andy's ear. He breathed onto the delicate skin and felt the other man shudder underneath him. 

"Fuck you," he whispered before pushing Andy away and marching out the door.



Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 02



Dear Reader, 

Thanks for the great comments. I'm so glad that you like this story. Here's chapter two, hope you like this one just as much. Please let me know! 

Yours, 

Hudson Bartholomew 

***** 

Stepping Out in Faith - Chapter 2 

Andy was hit by a wall of sound and sweat as he stepped inside the nightclub one week later. He had spent the entire week since the disastrous baseball game incident trying to decide if he should come here. It was clear that Marcus was angry and for some reason that knowledge weighed heavily on Andy's heart. But now that he was here, he wasn't so sure this was a good idea. 

Andy scanned the room, trying to look for that head of curly black hair in a sea of bodies. He hadn't really thought through this plan, he realized. It was going to be next to impossible to find someone in here. 

"Hey there, sweetie. Can I get you something?" A waif of a boy with shocking pink hair, wearing nothing but a pair of sparkly short shorts asked Andy while holding a waiter's tray. 

"Um... No, I'm fine. Thank you." 

"Well, let me know if you'd like anything... Anything at all." The look in the boy's eyes suggested he wasn't just referring to some beverage. And the way he brushed his body against Andy's as he walked past made the message abundantly clear. 

Andy coughed awkwardly and stepped away. This was turning in a bad idea. 

Andy slowly squeezed his way through a crowd of bodies, telling himself to at least make one circuit of the room before bailing. Sweaty skin rubbed up against him, pressed into him. The smell of man filled his nostrils, reminding him of the last time he had been on this dance floor with Marcus. He made the mistake of wandering too close to the speaker and blaring music rang in his ears, the bass reverberating through his body. 

Andy's own sweat was forming on his brow, wetting his hair, rolling down his back. He brushed the wet strands back off his forehead with a hand and froze in mid-motion as he caught sight of Marcus. 

Marcus was standing with another man, close to the other man. They were whispering in each other's ears and laughing out loud. They looked like mimes as the music drowned out the sound of their voices. They looked like beautiful mimes, dressed in tight jeans and t-shirts, hair perfectly coifed. 

Andy swallowed thickly, realizing that he was out of his league. His baggy clothes were soaked with sweat, his hair mussed from running his hands through them. He was an idiot to think that Marcus would be upset over what had happened. Marcus was a gorgeous man, he could have anyone he wanted and he had clearly found someone just as gorgeous to spend the night with. 

Andy was about to turn and walk out when Marcus suddenly caught sight of him. The happy look on his face disappeared into a scowl. Now, Andy really wanted to run. Instead, Andy stood rooted to the spot, staring at Marcus as he stared back. 

The other man followed Marcus' gaze until he saw Andy and realized what was happening. He glared at Andy, but then said something to Marcus and turned to walk away. 

Andy continued to stand there as Marcus made his way closer. There was that look again, the one that reminded Andy of a predator. His heart leapt into his throat, watching Marcus' slow saunter, hips swaying, shoulders rolling. 

Marcus didn't stop at arm's length, but came right up until only an inch of air separated them. By then, the rest of the club had faded away and it was just the heat and presence of Marcus that consumed and surrounded Andy. 

That smell. Andy took a deep breath and held that spicy, cinnamon scent in his lungs before letting it out slowly. 

Marcus leaned in and for a split second Andy thought he was going to kiss him. Andy parted his lips in anticipation until Marcus paused, just millimeters away. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" 

Andy stepped back as if he'd been slapped in the face. 

He took a couple of calming breaths and shook his head to clear the fog that fill his mind whenever Marcus was near. 

"I... I wanted to explain." 

"I think you explained just fine." 

"No! That was... Please, I just need to explain." 

The look in Marcus' eyes was so dark that Andy was sure he'd be turned away again. But then, to his surprise, Marcus sighed and rolled his eyes. 

"Why do I always do this to myself?" He asked, more to himself than to Andy. 

Marcus gave Andy a measured look. 

"Fine, so explain." 

"Um... Well, it's kind of complicated." Andy glanced at the crowd around him. He really hadn't thought this through. Had he really expected to have this conversation in the middle of a night club? 

"Yeah, I figured that much," Marcus sighed. "Look, this obviously isn't a good time for this. You like kids, right?" 

"Huh?" 

"Kids, teenagers. You get along well with them? You were with a group of them at the ball game. Next Thursday night, 6:30. If you want to explain, meet me at the LGBT Center in the Village. You can explain then." 

Marcus gave Andy one last look, it was that hungry look that made Andy's heart skip a beat. But before Andy could respond, Marcus spun on his heel and walked away. 

Andy sighed, watching Marcus disappear through the crowds. Things never seem to turn out as he planned when it came to Marcus. 

He needed Marcus to understand. He couldn't explain why the feeling was so strong, but it felt like a compulsion, like an instant reaction to try to catch a falling glass before it hit the ground. Waiting until Thursday felt like watching the glass fall in slow motion; Andy was reaching for it, but couldn't tell if he'd reach it in time. 

The whole thing didn't make much sense to Andy. In all his years, he had never wanted to tell anyone about his proclivities. In fact, he'd done everything he could to hide. So why did he suddenly want to confess it all now? 

But he had a bigger problem—the LGBT Center. Just the thought of it was doing a number on his nerves. If he went there, then people would know. To be fair, people already knew. But at the Center, people outside the dark, shadowed night club would know. At the Center, he would be out in the light. That didn't sit well with Andy's stomach. 

Andy wandered the streets, not ready to go home and hoping the night air would settle his nerves. If he was smart, he would stay as far away from that Center as possible. But staying away just didn't seem like an option anymore. 

The priesthood, his vow of celibacy—it had once seemed like the solution, the hope that he clung to for salvation. Now, it felt like a boulder tied around his neck. Some days it was so heavy that Andy could barely get out of bed. 

He didn't hate being a priest. In fact, he really enjoyed it. He enjoyed working with people, counseling them, helping them find peace in the Lord. He just wished he could find the same peace he was always telling others about. He wished he could find the contentment that came with knowing that even though the world is a sinful, fallen place, everything would eventually be okay because the Lord held everything in His hand. 

But Andy didn't know that everything would be okay. In fact, he felt like he was waiting for his carefully constructed life to fall apart. And something told him that showing up at that LGBT Center was going to be the beginning of the end.  

Andy shook his head. Who was he kidding? The beginning of the end was when he'd shown up at the club all those weeks ago and let Marcus take him home. Because ever since that night, he hadn't been able to fall asleep without remembering the feel of Marcus' lips on his, the heat of his skin, the taste of him. Every night, Andy laid in bed, hard and aching, trying to resist the urge to stroke himself while imaging it was Marcus' lips on him. 

More than once he had gotten out of bed after laying there for hours to kneel before the altar in the sanctuary. He prayed. He prayed with all his heart to be rid of those feelings, to be relieved of the burden. He prayed for peace, for that stillness that he was told comes from being in the presence of the Lord. 

Often, it'd only be after an intense prayer session that he'd finally fall asleep, exhausted. The next day, he'd wake up and do it all again. 

Sometimes he wondered whether it was all worth it. Maybe it'd just be easier to just give up and leave the priesthood. That would certainly be better than this sneaking around he'd resorted to. But the thought of leaving the church terrified him. The church was the only thing he knew, it was his rock, it was what made his life make sense. He couldn't leave. He'd just have to find another way. 

"Father Dylan!" 

Andy looked up to see an older man with greying hair walking down the sidewalk toward him. He tensed and wondered if he had a guilty look on his face. 

"Father Sullivan," Andy addressed the older man whom he worked and lived with, hoping his voice didn't shake. 

"Father Dylan," the older man smiled. "You've been out this evening?" 

"Yes, just a walk around the neighborhood," Andy answered, avoiding his eyes. "Please, after you." 

They had reached the steps to the brownstone kept by the parish for their housing and Andy followed Father Sullivan up the stairs, suddenly struck with curiosity. 

"Father Sullivan, do you mind if I ask you a question? It's kind of personal." 

"Certainly, what's on your mind?" 

Andy hesitated, not quite sure how to put his thoughts into words. He waited until they were inside and seated at the kitchen table, Father Sullivan moving around to make his evening tea. 

"How... How did you know you wanted to be a priest?" 

Father Sullivan paused and glanced at Andy in surprise. 

"I was just curious," Andy said in a rush. "You don't have to answer if you don't want." 

"No, no. It's alright. It's just that sometimes I forget that I'm a priest." 

"You forget?" 

"Yes," Father Sullivan smiled. "I wanted to be a fighter pilot when I was kid; sometimes I still do." 

"A fighter pilot?" Andy could not picture kind, gentle Father Sullivan as a high flying fighter pilot. 

"Yes. But it didn't work out because you can't wear glasses and be a fighter pilot," Father Sullivan said, pointing to his gold metal frames. "I did end up getting my pilots license, though. Even worked as a commercial pilot for a while." 

"Really? You were a pilot before you became a priest?" 

"Oh, sure. I was in my 40s when I went back to get my Master of Divinity. I've only been doing this for 20 years." Father Sullivan's brow creased in realization. "Hm, that sounds like a long time. But it doesn't feel like a long time when you're my age, I guess." 

"So why'd you want to be a priest? You didn't like being a pilot?" 

"Flying planes was fun. It was exhilarating. But..." Father Sullivan sighed, eyes lost as he sorted through his memories. 

"I had a close call one time. It really shook me, more than it should have as a pilot. It was hard getting back into the cockpit after that. But I kept at it, even when I was in no mental shape to do so. I used to have to have a drink right before I flew or my hands would shake uncontrollably." 

Father Sullivan looked at Andy with a wistful smile. 

"I realized that being a pilot had become my entire world. I didn't know who I was unless I was flying. And I thought that if I couldn't fly anymore, then I would just be nobody. That was a frightening way to live, always waiting for the day I couldn't fly anymore, afraid of crashing the plane, afraid of being found out. I was constantly looking over my shoulder for some boogeyman to jump out at me. 

"It wasn't until my priest at the time convinced me to quit that I realized that I'm more than just my pilot's license. I loved flying. I still do. But it was just a job, and I let it become my identity." 

Andy took a moment to process Father Sullivan's story. He had never heard it before, and had to admit that it was nothing like he expected. 

"So is being a priest just a job, too?" Andy asked. 

Father Sullivan laughed out loud. 

"It doesn't sound very nice when you put it that way. But yes, I think being a priest is just a job, it's not who I am. I am a man, fallen, with lots of problems and issues. The Lord is gracious with me everyday and I try my best to be the person He created me to be. Being a priest is just how I can express who I am, but it is not the entirety of who I am." 

Andy stared into the mug of tea that Father Sullivan had placed in front of him, letting the words sink in. 

"Why do you ask, Father Dylan? What's got you thinking about this?" 

Andy looked up from his tea, wondering how to answer without revealing too much. 

"Nothing," Andy said, shaking his head. "I was just curious." 

"Well," Father Sullivan was smiling again. "I hope we can be friends, Father Dylan. This can be a lonely job and we need to be able to lean on each other if we're planning on sticking around for a while. I'm more than happy to talk about these types of things. In fact, they're important to talk about. I think too many people join the priesthood for the wrong reasons. So many people join because they're chasing glory, fame, recognition. Others join to run away from something. Neither are right, and they can end up doing more harm than good." 

Father Sullivan stood up and stretched. "I need to take my old self off to bed now. You have a good night, Father Dylan. Let me know if you'd like to chat again." 

Father Sullivan placed an encouraging squeeze on Andy's shoulder before heading off to his room. 

Others join to run away from something... They can end up doing more harm than good. 

Father Sullivan's words echoed through Andy's ears. His chest had constricted at those words. Was he running away from something? Would he end up doing more harm than good? No, he wouldn't allow it. He'd just have to buckle down and try harder. No more sneaking off to night clubs, no more daydreaming about Marcus. The LGBT Center... Well, he'd just have to skip that now. 

For the first time in weeks, Andy fell asleep that night without fighting the urges of his body. He slipped into a deep sleep, weighed down by his burden. It was a heavy burden, but one he felt was his to bear. Christ had his cross; Andy had his own. 

***** 

"Shoot him! Shoot him! Damn, Marcus, you suck at this." 

"Sorry, kid" Marcus handed the game controller back to the teenager and patted him in the head. 

"Hey, watch the hair!" 

Marcus smiled and glanced at the door before wandering over to the pool table to see what some of the older boys were up to. 

"Hey Marcus, we need a fourth. You game?" Nick, a sophomore in high school held up a pool cue. 

"Yeah, sure." He played with Nick and a couple other regulars at the Thursday night youth group, chatting about their week and giving each other hard times. 

"Dude, you waiting for someone?" Nick asked. 

"What? No, why'd you say that?" 

"'Cause you keep staring at the door," Nick said with a smirk on his face. 

"Shut up," Marcus gave him a friendly push. 

"What? You crushing on some guy?" Nick teased. 

"What?" Marcus tsked. "Kid, you don't know what you're talking about." 

"Ha, sure," Nick smiled widely and turned to take his shot. 

Marcus groaned inwardly, because he had been keeping an eye on the door all evening. He was pretty sure Doe eyes wouldn't show up, but it didn't stop him from hoping. 

The whole situation was fucked up, as far as he was concerned. He had been on a perfectly nice date with a perfectly nice guy, but Marcus had been more than willing to ditch Charles the minute Andy showed up. Charles hadn't been too happy about that. Marcus had to do a lot of apologizing to smooth things over, and even now he wasn't sure if there'd be another date. The fucked up part was that he wasn't sure he wanted another date; he had no reason not to be interested in Charles, except he really wasn't that interested. 

And now here he was, waiting on pins and needles for a guy who was most likely not going to show up anyways. Now, how fucked up was that? 

"Hello? Dude?" 

Marcus snapped out of his thoughts to see three teenaged guys watching him expectantly. 

"What?" 

"Dude, it's your turn," Nick said, shaking his head. "He's got it bad." 

Nick and his friends laughed with each other as Marcus scowled at them. 

"Since when did you turn into a California surfer boy? I've never heard anyone say 'Dude' so much." Marcus retorted and set the boys off on another laughing fit. 

Marcus bent over the pool table, lining up his next shot. Just as he was about to take it, one of the other kids called out. 

"Ow, Marcus! Dude's checking out your ass!" He missed the shot, the ball rolling very wide of its target. 

Marcus glared at Ryan, knowing he had timed that on purpose. But Ryan wasn't looking at him. Ryan was looking at the door. 

Marcus turned and his breath hitched. As much as Marcus had been telling himself that he didn't care if Andy showed up, he couldn't help the way his heart soared when he saw the man. Marcus let his eyes wander down Andy's body, taking in his perfectly parted brown hair, loose fitting khakis and plaid button down tucked neatly into his pants. Andy's eyes were wide with embarrassment and the bright flush told Marcus that Ryan's comment probably wasn't too far off the mark. 

"Shut it, guys," Marcus said as the boys began snickering among themselves. He walked over to Andy, trying not to smile, but failing miserably. "I didn't think you'd make it." 

"I was sure I'd make it either," Andy swallowed thickly and dropped his eyes to the floor. 

"I'm glad you did, though," Marcus said after a beat. "Come on, I'll introduce you to these loser kids." Marcus said the last part loudly with a smile on his face and the kids eagerly lined up to meet the cute man Marcus brought. 

Marcus introduced the 10 or so kids that showed up, boys and girls, ranging from about 13 to 18. Each one gave Andy the once over and passed on nods and winks to Marcus, indicating their approval. 

"Hey, give me a minute to finish up this game, okay?" Marcus asked, indicating the pool table. 

"Yeah, sure. Take your time." 

Marcus went back to the game but his attention was on the man across the room. Andy had been so infuriating every time their paths had crossed, and yet Marcus couldn't deny that he was happy that he came. 

Marcus watched out of the corner of his eye as Andy wandered to the reading corner and started chatting with Sophie. She was kind of a shy kid, liked to read by herself and none of the counsellors had been able to draw her out of her shell. But it seemed like she was talking to Andy. 

Marcus missed his next couple of shots, partly because he was distracted and partly because he'd rather be watching Andy than playing pool. The boys couldn't stop snickering, but Marcus didn't care enough to do anything about it. 

Andy seemed more relaxed when talking with Sophie. The tension in his shoulders was gone and he had a gentle smile on his face. He was adorable and all Marcus wanted to do was walk over, hold him in his arms, and pull him in for a deep kiss. 

Marcus' heart twisted at the thought. What the hell was wrong with him? Doe eyes clearly had issues; he's still in the closest and he a fuc-, he was priest! Marcus shook his head, trying to shake clear the unwanted thoughts. Charles is nice, and hot, and willing; he should focus his attention on Charles, not some closeted priest who was using him for experimentation. 

Marcus tried to turn his attention back to the game. The other team was doing a good job of kicking Nick and Marcus' butts, and Nick made sure Marcus knew it was his fault. 

Then suddenly, the room was filled with music, simple chords, beautiful and haunting. Everyone turned to the piano in the corner just as Andy began to sing: 




Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 02



Heart beats fast 

Colors and promises 

How to be brave? 

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall? 

But watching you stand alone 

All of my doubt, suddenly goes away somehow 

One step closer... 

Marcus' heart constricted at the sound of Andy's voice, a rich and smooth baritone. It reminded Marcus of hot caramel rolling down vanilla ice cream, smooth and sweet, and he wanted to lick up every drop. 

Somehow, Andy had gotten Sophie to hang out with him by the piano, smiling broadly. She even joined in with her quieter voice in the second verse. He was clearly in his element and he looked confident, comfortable, and sexy as hell. Marcus felt a sense of panic rising as he realized the direction of his thoughts. 

Time stands still 

Beauty in all she is 

I will be brave, I will not let anything take away 

What's standing in front of me 

Every breath, every hour has come to this... 

Fuck... Fuck, fuck, fuck. He was not going to fucking fall for this, Marcus swore to himself. It's just a stupid song, it doesn't fucking mean anything, he kept repeating. But the words were worming their way into Marcus' consciousness, into his heart in a way that scared him. He crossed his arms as if they could provide a defense to Andy's song. 

I have died everyday, waiting for you 

Darling don't be afraid 

I have loved you for a thousand years 

I'll love you for a thousand more 

And all along I believed I would find you 

Time has brought your heart to me 

And I have loved you for a thousand years 

I'll love you for a thousand more... 

Andy wasn't singing to Marcus. He wasn't even looking at Marcus. But the song resonated so deeply that Marcus was finding it difficult to breath. His chest ached—that part of his chest that happened to be right over his heart. 

Fuck. Marcus forcefully drew a deep breath of air into his lungs, looked away and let it out slowly, willing his heart to beat normally again. He knew next to nothing about this man except he was a priest and in the closet. And yet, here he was, quickly falling for him and his smooth voice. 

This was going to end badly, Marcus knew. He'd gone and broken the golden rule: don't fall for a straight guy. Especially, don't fall for a closeted gay guy—that was worse. Falling for a closeted gay guy who was also a priest, had to merit some kind of stupidity award. Marcus scowled; this was going to end really badly. 

The room broke out in a gentle applause as Andy and Sophie finished their song. Marcus watched as Andy leaned forward and whispered something conspiratorially into Sophie ear that made her giggle and grin in delight. 

Marcus wanted to frown and scowl, but couldn't help his own grin growing on his face. He caught Andy's gaze as the other man scanned the room. Andy's happy smile and dancing eyes put the nail in Marcus coffin. It's too late, Marcus realized. He'd gone fallen for this guy he barely knew, who would more than likely break his heart one day. 

The realization was sobering, paralyzing, and Marcus felt like he couldn't breathe. He stalked out of the room and into the evening air to escape the suffocating feeling. Marcus took deep even breaths until he started feeling calm again. He had to go back inside, he knew, but he couldn't face Andy just yet. 

What was he going to do? Andy was experimenting. At least, he was experimenting; Marcus didn't even know if he was still experimenting. But then why did he show up tonight? To explain. Marcus scoffed to himself. He still wasn't sure what exactly needed explanation. And did explaining mean experimenting? Or did it mean that he didn't want to experiment anymore? 

The questions were driving him crazy and the only person who had answers was waiting back in that room. But Marcus couldn't bring himself to go back in. 

He must have been out there for a lot longer than he had wanted, pacing back and forth on the sidewalk, but soon the older kids were trickling out, waving goodbye and heading off into the night. Then parents of the younger kids showed up and said hello before going inside to pick up their children. 

Still, Marcus paced on the sidewalk, hands stuffed into pockets, eyes glued to the pavement. 

"Marcus?" 

A gentle voice interrupted his pacing. Marcus looked up to see an older lady with grey hair and a warm, friendly smile. 

"Kathleen, hi. How as you?" 

"I'm well. I was told I'd find you out here." 

"Oh, uh, yeah... it was getting kind of stuffy in there. Needed to get some air." Marcus said with a shrug. 

"You brought a friend tonight?" Kathleen asked with a kind smile. 

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I know everyone needs to be screened and stuff. But he's a pri—he works with kids, so I figured it'd be okay for just one night." 

"Well, I heard him and Sophie singing from my office. It's great that he was able to connect with her. If he wants to keep coming, I can get him set up with a background check and everything." Kathleen offered. "You know we can always use more counsellors." 

"Yeah, I know," Marcus nodded. "But I'm not sure what his plans are. We can ask him." 

Marcus took a deep breath before following Kathleen inside. When they reached the room, Marcus saw that most of the kids had left and Andy was chatting with Sophie's dad. Then, Andy turned, gracing Marcus with a shy smile, and all the calming down he had achieved outside disappeared. 

Marcus' chest was constricting again, making it difficult to breathe. His heart was beating erratically and his mouth felt dry. He was so caught up in his reaction to Andy that he didn't even notice Andy and Kathleen introduce themselves to each other. 

When he finally came to, Sophie and her dad were gone and Andy was asking Kathleen an awkward question. 

"You're a pastor and you're gay?" 

Kathleen smiled broadly, as if used to the question. 

"Yes, I am. Although, I'm not serving in a church at the moment. I'm the executive director for the Center." 

Andy had a deep frown on his face as if he was trying to wrap his mind around something. 

"But I don't understand." 

Not put off for a second, Kathleen eyes were filled with gentle concern and care. 

"Some people don't," she nodded. "But if you'd like to talk about it more at any point, I'd be more than happy to sit down with you." 

"Oh, um... that's very nice of you. I'll be sure to keep that in mind," Andy declined politely. 

"Marcus said that you work with children?" Kathleen asked. 

Andy shot Marcus a panicked look, which Marcus met with a steady gaze. Andy swallowed thickly. 

"Um... Well..." 

"No pressure," Kathleen chuckled. "I just meant that if you were interested in joining us again, we usually have a background check process for all the counsellors, just to be safe, you know." 

"Oh, I see," Andy trailed off. "Sorry for just showing up today." 

"Not at all. We can always use more counsellors and you seem to have a way with Sophie. Think about it and you can let Marcus know." Kathleen smiled gently. "Well, thank you both for helping out tonight. I think the kids had a good time." 

"No problem, Kathleen," Marcus found his voice again. "We'll get out of your hair so you can lock up." 

Marcus gave Andy a tight smile and led the way back outside. Once out in the evening air, he took a deep breath before turning to face the man that had wormed his way into his heart. Now that it was time to talk, Marcus found that he couldn't figure out what to say. 

"Thanks for inviting me tonight. Those are good kids," Andy said quietly. 

Marcus nodded, not trusting his voice. Andy looked unsure of himself, shifting from foot to foot, hands stuffed in pockets. Marcus knew his silence wasn't helping to relieve the tension between them. But Marcus was afraid of saying anything, afraid of saying the wrong thing, of betraying his feelings and driving Andy away. 

Who was he kidding? Why did he think there was anything he could say or do to keep Andy from walking away eventually, anyways? That was the danger with getting involved with guys still in the closet and Marcus really had no reason to believe Andy would be any different. 

But at the very least, he could have tonight. He could enjoy this one night with Andy and whatever tomorrow brought, he'd deal with it then. 

"Come over?" Marcus asked, hating the uncertainty he heard in his voice. 

Then his heart melted when Andy broke out in a wide smile. 

"Yeah," he answered. 

Marcus moved to grab Andy's hand but stopped himself half way when he realized Andy's hands were still stuffed in his pockets. Andy flushed red and lowered his eyes, but didn't take his hands out. 

Marcus' smile became strained as he tried not to let on how much that bothered him. But instead of saying something—because it'd probably end up something he'd regret later—he turned and led the way back to his apartment. 

Andy fell into place next to him and although they walked in silence, Marcus noticed that they'd brush shoulders every once in a while. He wasn't sure who leaned in too close first, but after the first couple of times, Marcus was definitely keeping a closer distance to Andy and purposely bumping into him at every chance. The contact warmed Marcus, radiating from him arm and straight to his heart. It was dangerous, Marcus knew, but he had already decided to indulge, just for tonight, so he would indulge. 

When they reached his apartment Marcus poured himself a glass of scotch, disconcerted to find his hands trembling. He downed the first glass and poured himself a second one, willing his nerves to settle. His heart was racing a mile a minute and his stomach was all twisted in knots. 

"What are these?" Andy asked. 

Marcus turned to see Andy flipping through papers on the kitchen counter. His stomach seized as he remembered what he had left there. 

Andy looked up at him with those large doe eyes, glistening with wonder. Marcus found himself walking toward Andy, drawn to the depth of emotion he found there. 

"They're beautiful," Andy whispered. 

Marcus glanced down at the sketches he'd doodled over the past weeks, sketches of Andy smiling with his expressive eyes, Andy as he lay sleeping in Marcus' bed, Andy lost on the throes of passion. 

Looking back at the man who inspired the drawings, Marcus' eyes were caught by the rosy lips, bruised from the gnawing of Andy's teeth. Marcus raised a hand to run his thumb across the full lips. He fought the urge to lean in and taste those lips again, to mould them underneath his own and explore Andy's mouth with his tongue. 

"I just draw what I see," Marcus said as he cupped Andy's cheek. 

When Andy turned his face into Marcus' palm, Marcus let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. 

God, all he wanted to do was take Andy to bed and spend the night discovering each other, talking be damned. Marcus battled his conscious that argued that Andy wanted to explain and Marcus owed him at least that much. 

So, reluctantly, Marcus dropped his hand, but didn't move away. 

"So you're an artist?" Andy asked. 

Marcus raised an eyebrow and shrugged. 

"I'm an art director at a marketing company." 

Andy gave Marcus a once over that very un-priest-like and Marcus felt a stirring in his groin in response. 

"You look like as artist." 

"Yeah? And what exactly do artists look like?" Marcus chuckled. 

Andy just shrugged as he looked back down on the drawings. 

"Well, you don't look like a priest. I didn't know priests could be so hot," Marcus said with a sly smile. 

Andy flushed red, looked away and started chewing on his lip. That lip didn't help the heat pooling in Marcus' stomach, but Marcus did feel bad about making the joke. Guess it hit a little too close to home to be funny. 

"You want a drink before we talk?" Marcus asked, changing the subject. 

Andy looked uncertain for a minute, but then nodded gently, reminding Marcus of that deer with the big eyes again. 

Marcus moved to his bar cart, gratified that Andy followed close behind him. He enjoyed the heat he could feel between himself and Andy—it felt comforting and right. Marcus wanted to feel that warmth forever and the thought scared him to the core. 

He turned to hand Andy a glass and saw that he had brought the doodles along. 

"Are these church bulletins?" Andy asked. He had flipped the drawings over to see the writing on the other side. 

"Yeah," Marcus answered. "From my parents' church." 

"You seem to have a lot of Christians in your life," Andy said with a wry smile that tugged at Marcus' heart. 

It took a moment before Marcus could find the breath to respond. 

"Yeah, seems like I do," he said quietly. 

"So, how does that work?" Andy asked. 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean, being gay and all," Andy's skin flushed and he ducked his head. "Your parents are okay with you being gay?" 

"Yeah," Marcus laughed. "My mom's a member of PFLAG and everything." 

"PFLAG?" 

"It's like a club for parents who have gay kids." 

"Like a support group?" 

"Um... yeah," Marcus said with a frown. "And also advocacy and education, that sort of thing." 

"Oh," Andy smiled, looking a little embarrassed. "I've never heard of Christians who are okay with gays." 

Marcus gave a choking laugh before taking another gulp of his scotch. 

"I don't really understand it," Andy admitted, moving to sit on the couch. 

"What's to understand?" 

"How they can be okay with it." 

Marcus gave Andy a measured look before sitting on the opposite end of the couch. 

"That's probably a better question for Kathleen," Marcus said, studying the contents of his glass cradled in his hands. 

A silence settled between them and Marcus could hear their gentle breathing. At least, Andy's breathing sounded gentle; Marcus was struggling to steady his breathing. Breathe in, breathe out. 

"How did you tell your parents?" Andy asked suddenly. 

"About being gay?" Marcus turned toward Andy. "I didn't." 

Marcus turned sideways in the couch, one knee bent across the seat and arm draped over the back. The memory brought a smile to his face. 

"I came home one day from school—sophomore year, I think—and found a bottle of lube on my night stand. Apparently my Mom had found my stash of gay porn. I was mortified," Marcus laughed. "And grateful. I hadn't figured out you could use lotion for lube, so I was just spitting on my hand. That only works so well." 

Andy's face was flushed bright red at Marcus' story, which only made him look more adorable to Marcus. 

"That's it? She just gave you a bottle of... Lube?" Andy said the last word as if it was a curse. 

"Well," Marcus laughed. "She cornered me after dinner that night and we had the abstinence and safe sex talk. That was more embarrassing than the lube. But now we can talk about just about anything." 

"That must be nice." 

"It is," Marcus paused, wondering whether it was okay to ask. "And you? I'm guessing you haven't told anyone you're gay." 

"I'm not-" Andy started. "I mean, I can't be-" 

"Gay?" Marcus supplied. "What do you mean you can't be gay? It's not really a question of can or can't, it's more a question of are you or aren't you." 

"I can't be," Andy shook his head. "It's forbidden." 

Marcus let out an exasperated sigh and forced himself to loosen his grip on his glass. 

"Look, I know what some Christians think about gay people. It's stupid and dumb as fuck. They go around following blindly without trying to understand the people that they're judging. None of us chose to be gay—I know so many things in life would be a hell of a lot easier if I were straight. Trust me, being gay isn't something I'd do just because I'm feeling rebellious or because it would be funny joke." 

Marcus drained the rest of his glass and put it down on the coffee table a little too hard. 

"It's easy when you've had so much support from an early age," Andy said, quietly. "You didn't grow up with my family." 

The sadness in Andy's voice melted away all of Marcus' annoyance. 

"I've always had these... Feelings," Andy sighed. "But I'm Catholic, my whole family is. And I went to Catholic school. The Bible teaches that it's wrong, so what I feel must be wrong." 

"It's not-" Marcus was stopped by a pleading look from Andy. 

"There was a boy at my school," Andy continued. "He was gay and everyone knew it. Everyone treated him badly, made his life miserable. The teachers knew about the bullying, but never did anything to stop it." 

Andy was hunched over, elbows on knees, staring into his glass. His voice was so strained, quiet as he remembered. Marcus reached out a hand and placed it on Andy's shoulder. He felt the tension in Andy's body melt away under his touch. It warmed Marcus' heart to know he could have that effect on Andy. 

Marcus scooted closer and laid his arm across Andy's back, lending what comfort he could. 

"It was senior year. I had this place I used to go to in a wooded area near my school. It was always quiet, secluded. I'd go to think, figure life out. He showed up one day, out of the blue. Turns out he had noticed me watching him, had figured out that maybe I had the same feelings as he did. He was right, I did. His uniform was always a size too small, like he was showing off his body, I always ended up staring whenever he walked by." 

Andy paused with a wry smile on his face, remembering the boy that caught his attention as a youth. 

"He kissed me that day. It was..." Andy shook his head. "I'd never been interested in girls, never thought about wanting to kiss them. I figured that's what made me suited for the priesthood, that I'd been blessed with the gift of celibacy. But that kiss..." 

Marcus squeezed the shoulder under his hand. He could see how difficult this was for Andy and his chest swelled with gratitude that Andy would choose to share this was him. 

"I remember the shock of it, my body reacting, but my brain not understanding what was going on. I think I pushed him away initially. But definitely kissed him again because we ended up making out for a while." 

The smiled on Andy's face disappear and Marcus felt the tension return to his shoulder. 

"We didn't do any more than that. I don't think there was any expectation that there'd be anymore. Then a while later I saw him getting bullied again at school. I tried standing up for him. It wasn't like I could really fight anyone, or anything. But I didn't like the way they treated him and I thought that since we'd kissed that... I don't know... They started turning on me, too, calling me gay because I was standing up for him. It scared me. We managed to get out of that situation okay, but..." 

Andy paused again and took a deep breath before letting it out slowly. 

"It's okay, we don't have to talk about this if you don't want," Marcus offered despite desperately wanting to know what happened. 

Andy just shook his head and took another breath to compose himself. 

"I was leaving school one day and noticed a crowd in the parking lot. I couldn't see what was happening, but I knew. I just knew. I wanted to turn around and run, pretend I hadn't seen anything. But the next thing I knew I was pushing my way through the people." 

Andy's voice broke and he dropped his head into his hands. Marcus scooted even closer, pressing himself into Andy, leaning his cheek against Andy's shoulder. 

"He saw me right away," Andy continued, just barely a whisper. "He was lying on the ground, curled up in a ball. There was already blood all over his face. He was begging me. He didn't say anything, but his eyes. He was begging me to do something. But I couldn't do anything. I should have shouted, I should have run for help, I should have stopped them. But I couldn't. I couldn't do anything." 




Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 02



Andy was shaking now, trembling under Marcus' hands. Marcus tightened his hold, pulling him close. 

"Then..." Andy's voice broke again. "Someone grabbed a huge rock, and they..." 

Andy was sobbing now, face in hands, body racked with tremors. 

"Shh, it's okay," Marcus said, trying desperately to think of something less lame to say. He leaned back on the couch and pulled Andy into him until Andy's face was buried into his shoulder. 

Andy's hands clutched at Marcus' shirt and he quickly felt Andy's tears soak through the fabric. Marcus' heart was seizing in anger and pain over the injustice. There really wasn't anything to say, nothing that could undo the past, nothing to magically sooth Andy's grief. So Marcus held him, held him tight until the tears eased, his breathing calmed and his body stopped trembling. 

Andy was still for a while, his breath light on Marcus' neck. Despite the sadness of the moment, Marcus couldn't help but notice the warmth of Andy's body against his, the weight of his head on Marcus' shoulder. The intimacy was dangerous to Marcus' heart, but hell, everything about the night up to this point had been dangerous. 

"He was so still," Andy whispered, still snuggled close to Marcus. 

"Just lying there on the ground in a pool of blood. I thought he was dead. I thought they'd killed him with that giant rock. But someone had managed to call for help and the ambulance came to take him to the hospital. He was in a coma for weeks. I went to see him once, when he was still asleep. He was connected to all these tubes." 

Andy breathed deep and let it out in a long sigh. 

"He eventually woke up, but I heard that he was never the same again. Brain damage. I don't think he ever finished high school. I overheard my mom talking on the phone about it once. The rumor mill was that his parents had to put him in a special home because he was too much work to take care of at home." 

Andy's body tensed again. 

"They never charged the people who did that to him. Police said there was inconclusive evidence and they couldn't prove who was responsible. Except dozens of people saw what happened. But none of us were willing to stand up for him, to speak up. Myself included. I'm just as guilty as the person who threw the rock." 

Marcus was torn. He wanted to say that it wasn't the same thing, but he wouldn't have believed the words. Because sometimes turning a blind eye is just as bad as throwing the stone. 

"You were young, you were scared." 

"Old enough to know what was right. But I was afraid that if I said anything they would turn on me, too. And the school year was almost over. I thought I could just go off to college and leave it all behind." 

"But you still feel guilty about it." 

Andy laughed and sat up straight. Marcus immediately felt the loss, but kept his hand on Andy's back. 

"I'm Catholic. It's my job to feel guilty." Andy snorted, "Literally." 

Marcus gave a wry smile at the joke. He took in Andy's red and blood shot eyes, tussled hair and slumped shoulders. Andy looked understandably exhausted. But also lighter somehow, like the heavy weight he'd been carrying around his whole life had been lifted. 

Marcus knew he was a goner. He had known he was wandering into dangerous territory tonight, and looking at Andy so vulnerable at the moment, Marcus knew he'd just gone straight off the edge of the cliff. 

There was something special and precious about this man, Marcus could tell. It drew him in and made him want to know more. He wanted to know all the layers of Andy. And if it took him the rest of his life to peel back each layer, Marcus had a feeling he'd be more than happy to spend as many years as needed. 

Oh yeah, he was a goner. He was so fucked. 

"Thank you," Marcus' voice cracked and he swallowed thickly to clear his throat. "For telling me." 

Andy looked at him with those big brown eyes, eyelashes still damp with tears. Marcus felt his heart squeeze at the tender look he found there. 

"No, thank you," Andy said. "I've never told anyone that before." 

"Why did to tell me?" 

Andy shrugged and a small smile appeared on his lips, drawing Marcus' gaze. 

"You feel safe." 

Oh god, he really had to stop that, stop doing things to worm his way further into Marcus' heart. Marcus clenched his jaw, fighting with the desire to pull Andy in and devour him. He didn't realize that his hand had tightened on Andy's waist. 

Andy dropped his eyes and placed a warm hand on Marcus' thigh. It wasn't anywhere near Marcus' cock, but that didn't stop the blood from starting to flow in that direction, it felt like Andy had placed his hand fully on Marcus' growing member. 

Marcus concentrated on his breathing, in and out, slowly through his nose. He knew what he wanted, he knew how he wanted this evening to end. But that wasn't fair to Andy, that would be taking advantage of his vulnerable state. At least that was what Marcus was telling himself. 

His little brain was much more interested in the way Andy's hand was inching up his thigh. Marcus' breath hitched when Andy got a little too close for Marcus' self-control. Marcus put a hand over Andy's, stopping him. 

"Andy," it came out strained. 

Andy looked up with those doe eyes, innocent, yet filled with the same desire Marcus felt. Andy swallowed and Marcus watched the Adam's apple bob, admiring the thickness of Andy's neck. 

"I know I want this, I want you, that's pretty obvious." Marcus glanced down at his semi-hard cock, bulging in his jeans. "But are you sure you want this? Because if we do this... I don't want you to regret it afterwards." 

Marcus could see the uncertainty in Andy's eyes as he wrestled with himself. It felt like forever before Andy came to a decision. He pulled his hand off of Marcus' thigh and Marcus immediately regretted giving Andy a way out. 

To his surprise, Andy's hand came up to brush Marcus' hair off his forehead, tangling in the curls. 

"I love the feel of your hair," Andy murmured, running his fingers through the strands, massaging Marcus' scalp. 

"Andy," Marcus warned, voice strained with effort. 

Andy's hand dropped to caress Marcus' stubble covered cheek. 

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since that first night," Andy confessed. 

Marcus brought his hand up to hold Andy's as he turned his face into Andy's palm. 

"Please, Marcus," Andy whispered, eyes wide and uncertain, but desperately wanting something that Marcus knew he could give him. "I... Please..." 

Marcus groaned as his hard fought self-control slipped away. He leaned forward, reached behind Andy's head and captured his lips with his own. It was a hard bruising kiss, and after a split second's hesitation, Andy was kissing him back with the same ferocity. 

Marcus swiped his tongue against Andy's lips, demanding entrance. When Andy let him in, Marcus plunged in, wrestling with Andy's tongue, conquering. Andy whimpered and surrendered to Marcus' invasion, hands clinging to Marcus. 

Marcus needed more, he needed more from Andy and he wanted to give Andy more. More. That was the only thought that ran through Marcus' head. Every other thought about whether this was a good idea had fled as Marcus let the demands of his heart take control. If this was their only night, then it would be the best fucking night either of them had ever experienced, Marcus was going to make sure of that. 

Slowly, without breaking their kiss, Marcus pushed Andy back until he was lying on the couch with Marcus on top of him, hip to chest. Marcus savored the feeling of Andy underneath him, the way Andy was arching up into him, grinding their hard cocks together through their clothes. Marcus tilted his hips forward and pressed Andy back down, which won him another whimper from Andy. 

When Marcus finally pulled back, he was gratified that Andy tried to follow him. He smiled down at Andy's red and bruised lips, his dazed and unfocused eyes. 

"God, you're beautiful," the words slipped out before Marcus realized he said them. He was rewarded with a deep flush on Andy's cheeks. 

"I think you're beautiful," Andy said bashfully, making Marcus' heart skip a beat. 

"Come on," Marcus said with a wry smile. "Let's get off the couch." 

Marcus led Andy over to the bed and slowly began to undress him. His lips anointed every inch of skin that was revealed as Andy's shirt was unbuttoned, one button at a time. His tongue twirled through Andy's chest hair and teeth clamped lightly over each of Andy's nipples, eliciting a shudder from the man. 

Andy was breathing hard, hands buried in Marcus' hair. Heavy-lidded eyes gazed down at Marcus with naked wonder, the sight took Marcus' breath away as he looked up from his knees. No one had ever looked at him like that before, like he was something more than just a quick fuck, like he was offering something more than just an easy physical pleasure. 

Marcus' heart thudded in his chest as the gravity of the situation settled into his soul. Andy had trusted him with his past, had trusted him with his secret, and was trusting him with his body. What had Marcus ever done to deserve the honor? He wasn't sure he did deserve the honor. 

He let his gaze wander across Andy's face and body, taking in this man who had snuck into Marcus' heart with his realizing it. He was different from the men Marcus usually took home. He wasn't one of the hard edged, New York tough, hopelessly vain men with chiseled bodies and made up faces. Andy was soft around the edges, innocent, full of heart, a beautiful soul hidden in the shy boy-next-door. 

This was real. Marcus wasn't sure what that meant exactly, but that's what he felt. Andy was real. Everyone else he'd ever been with, ever been interested in, lived behind carefully constructed facades. But Andy was real, heart and soul bared in this moment, bravely revealing his body with its layer of padding and plain hair cut. 

Marcus wanted this forever, to be in this realness. He was tired of the games, the measuring looks, the endless vanity and the nameless fucks. He wanted to stretch this moment out for as long as he could, he wanted to be in this moment forever. His chest constricted with the intensity of his desire. 

"Marcus?" Andy cocked his head to the side with a questioning look. "Is everything okay?" 

Marcus smiled as he realized he'd been staring. 

"Everything's perfect." 

Marcus moved his hands to Andy's belt and quickly undid his pants, pushing them down Andy's legs. He helped Andy step out of his pants, then did the same with Andy's briefs. No games tonight, no teasing, Marcus wasn't in the mood. Tonight would be sweet, honest love making, helping Andy experience the truth hidden in his soul. 

Andy's cock was hard and leaking already, standing up at attention. Marcus wrapped his fingers gently around the base and ran his palm upward until the head disappeared into his hand. Andy shuddered and tightened his grip in Marcus' hair. 

Marcus lapped at the head, licking up the pre-cum and savoring the salty taste. He wiggled his tongue over the sensitive underside of the head before taking the whole thing in his mouth and applying a light suction. 

He inched his way down, loving the heaviness on his tongue, the way his jaw opened up to accommodate the girth. Andy was the perfect size; just thick enough to stretch Marcus' jaw but not enough to make it uncomfortable, just long enough to slip into Marcus' throat while letting Marcus bury his nose into the tangle of curly pubic hair. 

Marcus held himself there, the head of Andy's cock lodged in his throat, his nose tickled by Andy's pubic hair, his chin bumping up against Andy's low hanging balls. Marcus was stuffed full of Andy, surrounded by the smell, feel and heat of the man. He wanted to stay there forever, if only he didn't have to breathe. 

Marcus pulled back when the burning in his lungs was too much to ignore. He bobbed up and down a few times, tasting Andy's pre-cum as the head ran over Marcus' tongue. Marcus reached up and cupped Andy's balls in his hand, rolling them over each other and massaging gently. 

"Mm... Marcus..." Andy moaned, music to Marcus' ears. 

Marcus pulled off of Andy's cock and lifted it out of the way as he took each one of Andy's balls into his mouth. As he bathed each of the orbs, Marcus continued jacking off Andy's cock, running his hand up until the head was covered by his palm, and then back down in a twisting motion. 

Marcus listened as Andy's breathing quickened and his hands tightened on Marcus' shoulder. 

"Marcus, please," Andy whimpered, his knees buckling under him as he struggled to stay standing. 

Marcus pulled back and guided Andy down to the bed. Once he was situated, Marcus took his time undressing himself, admiring the beautiful view. The pale creamy skin covered by dustings of hair across Andy's chest, on his forearms and down his legs. Marcus' own cock was sticking up straight and hard at the sight. 

When his gaze returned to Andy's face, he found that Andy had been giving him the same visual examination. The look on Andy's face was reverent, like he was admiring some great piece of art. It made Marcus pause, no one had ever looked at him like that before. It made Marcus wonder, maybe, just maybe, Andy could feel something for him, the same way he felt about Andy. 

Andy raised his arm, inviting Marcus to lie down next to him. Marcus scooted in close, slipping an arm under Andy's head. He entwining their legs together until their cocks were rubbing up against each other's stomach, their chests were pressed together and their faces so close it was hard to focus their eyes. 

"You're so beautiful," Andy whispered between soft kisses. 

"Too many hours at the gym," Marcus chuckled. 

"I should get to the gym," Andy said with a sigh. 

"No, you're perfect." 

"I'm chubby," Andy snorted. "I blame it on all those grannies that keep feeding me baked goods." 

"If you want, you could come with me to the gym." 

Andy smiled sweetly and pressed in close for another kiss. His hips tilted, rubbing the length of his cock along Marcus', both leaking pre-cum and making their skin slick. 

"Oh Doe eyes," Marcus groaned at the feeling of Andy's hardness against his own. "The things you do to me." 

Marcus settled himself between Andy's thighs. Andy let out a moan of appreciation, raising his knees higher and wrapping his legs around Marcus' hips. 

Marcus started moving, rubbing his body against Andy's until they were both covered in a sheen of sweat, their stomachs sticky with pre-cum, and their cocks straining for release. Marcus kissed along Andy's jaw, licked at that delectable neck, sucking the delicate skin between his teeth until Andy was trembling under his hands. 

On the next upward thrust, Andy bucked and Marcus lost his angle, his cock slipping down and stabbing against Andy's perineum. 

"Ahh!" Andy let out a cry at the change in sensation. Then he shifted his movements so that the head of Marcus' cock jabbed repeatedly at that sensitive area. 

"Oh Doe eyes," Marcus murmured against Andy's skin. "We'll get there, I promise." 

Marcus worked his way down, lapping at the chest hairs, loving the way Andy's body responded to him. When he got to Andy's cock, Marcus gave it a couple of innocent pecks, graced Andy's balls with a couple of swipes of his tongue, and then pushed Andy's thighs back until his winking pink rosebud was exposed. 

Marcus stared at it for a moment, admiring the quivering of the muscle as Marcus' breath tickled it. Andy was wriggling underneath him, shifting his hips to get Marcus to do something. So Marcus blew a stream of air directly on Andy's hole, watching the muscle twitch under the sensation. 

"Marcus," Andy's voice sounded strained, his hands gripping the sheets tightly. 

"Shh, Doe eyes," Marcus placed gentle kisses along Andy's thighs. "Don't worry, I'll take care of you." 

Marcus kissed along one thigh and then the other, running his cheek along the muscles flexing and shifting under his hands. Andy was breathing hard and making these desperate whimpering sounds that drove Marcus crazy. He glanced up to see Andy's eyes squeezed tightly shut, head thrown back, teeth biting at that full bottom lip. It was beautiful and it made Marcus' cock twitch knowing that he was the cause. 

Marcus leaned down again, tongue out to lap gently at Andy's rosebud. 

Andy's entire body tensed as he shot up from the bed, eyes wide open now, looking down at Marcus. 

"Easy, Doe eyes," Marcus said, pushing Andy back down and guiding his legs back up. 

This time when Marcus started tracing the tight muscle, Andy just moaned and pushed his ass up to give Marcus better access. The movement was all the encouragement Marcus needed as he dove in, licking, teasing, prodding at the entrance to Andy's body. The taste of Andy was intoxicating. It was clean and woodsy on his tongue, filling his senses. Marcus couldn't get enough. 

Marcus alternated between rubbing his stubble covered chin against the sensitive skin and soothing it with the flat of his tongue. He pushed and prodded against the muscle until it started to relax under his ministrations. Eventually, he managed to get his tongue inside and the flavor of Andy exploded on Marcus tongue. The intensity struck something inside of Marcus, driving him with a desperate need. He shoved his tongue in as far as he could go, twirling it around to get a much of that taste as he could. 

Andy was writhing underneath him, barely able to hold still under Marcus' attack on his ass. He was making incoherent noises that only drove Marcus even further. Marcus drove his tongue in and out of Andy's ass, his entire focus on getting more of that addicting flavor of Andy. He could have happily spent the entire night there, feasting on Andy's ass. 

"Marcus, please," Andy cried, his hand burying into Marcus' hair and pulling. 

After a few more thrusts, Marcus finally backed off, giving Andy some reprieve. He leaned back and admired his handiwork. Andy's ass was pink and loose, the skin lying in intricate folds around the opening. Beautiful. 

Marcus looked up to see Andy breathing hard, heavy lidded eyes unfocused, entire body listless on the bed. This was a sight Marcus wanted to see everyday. He ran a hand along Andy's body, gratified at the sigh he got out of Andy in return.  

Moving quickly, Marcus reached over to his nightstand to grab some supplies from the drawer. He squeezed a good amount of lube onto his hand and warmed it up on his fingers before drawing light circles on Andy's already slick ass. 

Andy gasped and his ass clenched at the feeling of Marcus fingers. 

"Easy, doe eyes. Relax, I've gotta open you up." 

Andy swallowed thickly, eyes locked on Marcus. Slowly, Marcus began pushing in one finger. The muscle immediately tensed around the invasion. 

"Relax, push out like you're going to the bathroom." 

Andy frowned with a skeptical look. 

"Trust me," Marcus said with a wry smile. "It works." 

Sure enough, Andy's tight grip on Marcus' finger relaxed and Marcus slowly pushed his finger in, past the first knuckle and then past the second. Marcus pulled his finger out then pushed it back in, following a twisting motion until he could move his finger without resistance. 

"Oh Marcus," Andy breathed. "Oh Marcus." His eyes were open but unfocused, staring off into space. 

Marcus leaned up and captured Andy's red and swollen lips with his own. Andy moaned into the kiss, his tongue darting out to meet Marcus'. They battled as Marcus continued to fuck Andy's ass with his finger. When Andy started bucking up into Marcus, he added second finger, slowly until he felt Andy's tight ring opening to the intrusion. 

Then Marcus was fucking Andy's mouth with his tongue while fucking Andy's ass with his fingers. Andy was clutching at Marcus, running his hands up and down Marcus back as if he couldn't get enough of him. He was moaning into Marcus' mouth and thrusting his hips up to meet Marcus' hand. 




Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 03



Wow, guys. I am overwhelmed by such wonderful comments. This story has lived in my head for so long and I'm thrilled that you guys like it as much as I do. Now I'm terribly nervous for the next chapter, I hope it will live up to your expectations! 

Please keep the comments coming. It motivates me to keep writing (and editing to make sure it's good writing). I love learning about what parts speak to you and it helps me hone my craft. 

Happy reading! 

Yours, 

Hudson Bartholomew 

***** 

Stepping Out in Faith – Chapter 3 

"I think I love you." 

The words echoed into Andy's subconscious as he drifted in that place between sleep and awake. 

I think I love you, too. The thought flitted through his head, unbidden, before he slipped into a deep sleep. 

***** 

Andy opened his eyes, fully awake with no lingering tiredness or wishing he could turn over and fall back asleep. He couldn't remember the last time he slept so well or felt so rested. 

Then he realized why. 

He was using Marcus as a pillow—head on Marcus' shoulder, arms and legs wrapped around Marcus as if he was afraid the other man would run away while Andy slept. 

Marcus was still snoring softly, curls in disarray, falling all over the place in a giant mop. Andy raised one hand to brush the soft curls back, trailing the tips of his fingers along Marcus' skin. 

Andy ran his palm across Marcus' cheek, letting the stubble scrape across his skin. Andy remembered the feeling from last night when Marcus kiss his way across Andy's body and then down in that intimate spot with that sensitive skin. Andy blushed at the memory. 

He snuggled in closer to Marcus, not wanting to leave the safe cocoon of the bed and Marcus' arms. He breathed deep the scent of Marcus, potent after a night of love making. 

Andy caught himself in mid-thought. He had assuming it was love making. And now that he really thought about it, it was love making for him. It certainly was more than just meaningless sex with some stranger. But was it just meaningless sex for Marcus? 

Andy didn't want to think that it could be. Marcus had shown him more compassion, care and tenderness than anyone Andy had ever met in his entire life. Why would he do that if Marcus was just looking for someone to sleep with? He could have had anyone he wanted, why would he bother with Andy unless it meant more than just some physical release. 

Andy gazed at Marcus' profile, serene in the midst of sleep and without thinking sent up an unspoken prayer that this was more than just convenient sex for Marcus, that Marcus felt as deeply about whatever this was between them as Andy did. 

Andy caught himself again. What was he thinking, praying about something like this? He had no right to be asking the Lord for anything of this sort. He was a priest, he's supposed to be celibate. And homosexuality is wrong. This was sinful on so many levels. 

The heaviness of guilt crashed down on Andy as he pushed away from Marcus, searching for the time: 5 am. Andy panicked, scrambling out of bed, searching for his clothes. 

The movement woke Marcus who stretched his lean body. Andy tried to ignore the play of muscles barely covered by the thin sheet 

"What time is it?" Marcus asked. 

"5 in the morning." 

"You're leaving?" 

Andy paused in the middle of buckling his belt. He could hear the disappointment in Marcus' voice and it tugged at his heart. Andy's head was telling him this was wrong, that he should run hard in the opposite direction and never look back. But his heart knew that was no longer an option—that had ceased to be an option long ago. Something had changed in him that first night he met Marcus and there was no going back now. 

"If I hurry, I can make it back before Father Sullivan wakes up. He's an early riser." Andy explained, sitting back down on the bed and reaching out to put a hand on Marcus' thigh. 

"Father Sullivan?" Marcus' voice was still groggy with sleep and it made Andy smile. 

"My roommate," Andy grinned. "And technically, my boss." 

"You live with your boss?" Marcus asked with a frown, clearly not fully awake yet. 

"Yeah," Andy chuckled. "The parish maintains an apartment for us." 

Marcus nodded and sat up, scooting closer to Andy. Neither man said anything, neither quite sure what to say. 

Andy sighed when Marcus raised a hand to comb through Andy's hair. He nuzzled into Marcus' palm and fought against the desire to just climb back into bed. 

"What's your phone number?" Marcus asked in a whisper. 

Andy looked up, trying to read Marcus' eyes, but they looked guarded. But this was a good thing, right? If Marcus wanted his number, that means they would see each other again. Unless it was just for a booty call. Either way, it was a temptation that Andy knew he shouldn't indulge in. 

And yet, he found himself reaching for the pen and paper on the night stand and scribbling down his number. Before he could stand to leave, Marcus pulled him in for a kiss, a gentle, sweet kiss that melted Andy's heart. It reignited the ball of emotion that had been roiling around in the middle of Andy's chest the night before, and threatened to consumed him. 

Andy pulled back, breathing hard, trying to compose himself. 

"I have to go," he whispered, forehead leaning against forehead. 

Marcus nodded with a sigh. He laid back down on the bed as Andy stood. The sheet was pooled low around Marcus' hips, doing nothing to hide the thick erection tenting the fabric. The muscles along Marcus' body were defined and stood out in relief as Marcus stretched his arms up behind his head. 

Andy let his eyes travel the length of Marcus' body, committing the image to memory. Marcus was forbidden fruit, but Andy had already gotten a taste of it and he would forever want more. 

Andy knew he had to go, but he didn't know how to. He didn't know how to walk away from this man and back to that life that had once been everything he wanted. He smiled down at Marcus, hoping his face didn't show the turmoil of emotions going through his head. 

Marcus smiled back, the simple gesture enough to calm Andy. 

"It's okay," Marcus said. "Go, I'll call you." 

Andy nodded, amazed and a little scared that Marcus could read him so well. He stuffed his feet into his shoes and headed to the door. On his way out, he noticed Marcus' sketches on the coffee table. He picked them up on a whim. 

"Can I keep these?" He asked. 

"Of course," Marcus said with a smile. 

Andy smiled back and let himself out of the apartment. 

When he got out onto the street, his phone buzzed in his pocket. Andy pulled it out to find a text message from Marcus. 

Doe eyes, thank you for last night. Have a wonderful day, I'll see you soon. 

Suddenly, Andy's step was lighter, the early morning air smelled fresher, and Andy couldn't seem to keep the giant smile off his face. 

Andy's great mood lasted about 20 minutes, the amount of time it took for him to get home. Because when he got there, Father Sullivan was already awake and putzing around the kitchen. 

"Father Dylan, good morning!" Father Sullivan said with a warm smile that quickly turned into a curious frown. "Are you just getting in from somewhere?" 

"Um, yes," Andy said, opened the fridge and stuck his head in, pretending to look for something to hide the blush he felt spreading around his cheeks. "I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't sleep, so I went out for a walk." 

"Ahh, still having trouble with insomnia?" 

"Still?" Andy glanced up, brows furrowed in confusion. 

"Yes, haven't you been having trouble with that? I noticed you going to the chapel late at night several times. I find that always helps me when I have something on my mind and I can't fall asleep." 

"Oh, well, um..." Andy stammered. 

"If you ever need an ear to listen, let me know," Father Sullivan said with a smile and a wink. "I'm here and I'm great at listening. I've had plenty of practice." 

Andy couldn't help chuckling at the silly joke. He could just imagine the types of things Father Sullivan had heard after decades of sitting in that confession booth. But he didn't think Father Sullivan would appreciate exactly what he had to say. 

"Thank you, Father Sullivan. I'll keep that in mind." 

Andy excused himself and escaped to his room. He smoothed Marcus' drawings out on his desk and admired the simple yet profound sketches. 

Marcus had said that he drew what he saw. But Andy certainly didn't see the image in those drawings when he looked in the mirror. Was it possible that Marcus saw something in Andy that Andy himself couldn't see? 

Andy tucked the sketches safely into his desk drawer and grabbed a towel to take a shower. In the bathroom, he undressed and stared at himself in the mirror. The image staring back at him wasn't really that impressive. 

He had gotten chubby when he went to college and had never been able to shake the extra layer of fat. His plain brown hair was so thick there was nothing really he could do with it, it just sat there on top of his head. His skin was pasty white, almost sickly, but he really didn't think a priest could justify going out to get a base tan. 

Andy sighed and climbed into the shower. Raising his leg to step over the ledge of the tub, he froze in mid-motion, grabbing at the wall. Stiff muscles down his thighs screamed at him and his tender hole spasmed painfully. He never realized that sex would be such a work out. Well, maybe that could a solution to his chubbiness. The thought popped into Andy's head unbidden and he had to argue with himself not to laugh out loud. 

Andy slowly manoeuvred his way into the shower and turned the water on hot. He sighed as the spray ran down his body, soothing the sore muscles. He grabbed the soap, lathering up and running it over his skin. His hands discovered tender patches where Marcus' stubble had left its mark and achy parts that weren't used to that particular type of exercise. 

When he got to his butt, he gently slipped a finger in between the two cheeks and ran the tip around the wrinkled skin of his hole. The sensation of his soapy finger reminded him of Marcus' finger. Letting curiosity get the better of him, Andy pushed experimentally and gasped as the tip of his finger slipped inside his hole. 

Andy had never done anything like that to himself before. It disgusted and exhilarated him at the same time. He now knew how pleasurable that road could be. But it felt weird and wrong to do it to himself without Marcus there. 

He slipped his finger out and felt the muscles of his hole contracting as if trying to suck something back in. Andy shook his head trying to rid the inappropriate thoughts from his mind. He ignored the erection that had developed while he was soaping himself down and turned the water cold to shock himself out of the direction his body was taking. 

It was mostly successful and as he toweled off, Andy felt himself come back into a familiar place. He dressed himself in black slacks and a black button down, putting on the armor of a priest. At one time he felt secure and comfortable behind the black uniform, but now it felt like a heavy facade that he couldn't shake off. 

He put the white collar in place and swallowed thickly, almost expecting himself to choke on the noose. But he didn't choke, instead he took a deep breath, filling his lungs to capacity. The heavy load didn't feel any lighter. 

Andy itched to rip the cloth off his body, but a vow was a vow and he had committed his life to this cause. It was a noble cause, Andy still believed that. And everyone had bad days, he told himself. Today he didn't feel like being a priest, but that was all the more reason to put his head down and forge through it. That was discipline, that was devotion, that was what Andy had promised to do. So he would do it. 

Father Sullivan begin chatting away about what needed to be done to prepare for the upcoming weekend the minute after Andy arrived at their shared office just off of the chapel. The words settled heavily on Andy's already burdened shoulders. All the energy he had awoken with that morning drained away and all Andy wanted to do was crawl back into bed. 

Andy stared blankly at his desk, not sure where to begin his day, how to sort through all the work that was waiting for him. 

"Father Dylan? Are you alright?" 

Andy glanced at Father Sullivan and his concerned look. 

"Yes, sorry," Andy answered with what he hoped was an easy smile. "Just zoned out there for a second." 

Father Sullivan returned his smile, but it didn't look like he was buying Andy's response. 

"You know, Father Dylan... Andy, I know I've said this already, and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, please remember that I'm more than happy to listen if you have something on your mind. We often carry other people's burdens, but that doesn't mean we don't have burdens of our own." 

Father Sullivan's words struck a little too close to home and Andy's stomach twisted up in knots. What if he knew? What if Father Sullivan knew that Andy was sneaking off at night to do unthinkable things? Andy could never survive that. He would get stripped of his priesthood, and then what would he do? 

Andy swallowed thickly and nodded. He bent over his desk, forcing himself to focus on the task at hand, not realizing the aura of fear and anxiety that was radiating off of him. He didn't see Father Sullivan's concerned frown or the way the older man would glance over every once in a while, wondering if there was more he could say. 

It wasn't until a knock on the door sounded around noon that Andy let himself raise his head and make eye contact with Father Sullivan. 

"Father Sullivan, Father Dylan! I'm so glad I caught you both here," Mrs. Marsten, a loud grandmother from the parish came bustling in. 

"I brought some cake left over from my grandson's birthday party," the older woman said, presenting them with a box. 

"Why thank you, Mrs. Marsten," Andy got up and took the box from her, noticing that it was warm and likely fresh from the oven rather than from the previous day. "You didn't have to do that." 

"Nonsense, it's just leftovers," Mrs. Marsten smiled sweetly at Andy. It was always awkward from old grandmothers tried to flirt with him. Didn't they realize how inappropriate that was on a whole host of levels? 

"Mrs. Marsten, how is your grandson?" Father Sullivan asked. 

"Oh, he just turned 10. He's growing so fast! Already so tall! He's going to grow into a strapping young man, like yourself, Father Dylan." 

Mrs. Marsten placed a hand on Andy's arm and squeezed appreciatively, causing Andy to flush in embarrassment. 

"Well, he's more than welcome to join our youth group," Father Sullivan continued, trying to rescue Andy. "Please extend our invitation to him." 

"Oh certainly! Especially if Father Dylan is in charge, I'm sure those kids are in good hands." 

Andy coughed awkwardly and threw Father Sullivan a desperate look. 

"Yes, they certainly are," Father Sullivan laughed. "Actually, Mrs. Marsten, I'm so glad you stopped by today. I wanted to chat with you about the bake sale fundraiser. Do you have a few minutes?" 

"Of course!" 

"I'm going to take this to the kitchen," Andy excused himself and beat a hasty retreat, not breathing a sigh of relief until he was clear across the building. 

Putting the cake on the counter, he sat down heavily on a nearby barstool, and immediately jumped up when he landed on his sore butt. Sitting gently this time, he put his head in his hands, fighting through the flood of emotions threatening to drown him. 

He didn't know what to do. He couldn't go back to that office, he could sit there across from Father Sullivan and pretend everything was okay. He couldn't face his parishioners, putting on a facade of a holy priest. He couldn't stand the smiles and the way they looked up to him, not after he'd done the things he'd done. Not while he still wanted to do them. 

He ripped off the white collar around his throat and unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt, hoping that would help him breathe. Marcus, that's what he wanted. Out of the storm of thoughts in his head, one thing became clear. Marcus, he wanted Marcus. 

Even just the thought of the man helped to ease the panic threatening to drown Andy. He could feel his heart rate settle and his lungs opening up, and he closed his eyes to remember the way Marcus' arms had felt around him. Safe. Marcus made him felt safe. 

Andy pulled his phone out, and was surprised to find a text from Marcus waiting for him. He'd been so consumed that he hadn't noticed the text come in. 

How's your ass feeling? Not too sore? 

Andy couldn't help but laugh out loud. It actually was a little too sore for his liking. 

I accidentally sat down too hard just now. It was painful. 

Sorry, my fault :) I'll have to make it up to you. 

Andy smiled, his mind suddenly flooded with all the ways Marcus could make it up to him. Andy felt his body respond faster than he was able to keep his thoughts in check. He quickly reached down and adjusted himself. 

I'll see you tonight at the club? Marcus' text came through again. 

Andy's thumbs hovered above the keyboard. This was forbidden territory, Andy knew that. He shouldn't be doing this. But he couldn't help himself. He felt like a moth drawn to the flame. Marcus was a flame, bright and beautiful, and despite the risk of getting burned, Andy wanted to be near him. 

Yes, I'll be there. 

Good. Can't wait. 

By the time Andy made it back to the office, Mrs. Marsten was thankfully gone. Father Sullivan had disappeared, too, and Andy was relieved. That short exchange with Marcus had done more to calm his nerves than weeks of praying on his knees. Andy didn't want to think too much into that. Rather, he remembered Marcus' smile and let the anticipation of seeing Marcus again motivate him through the rest of the day. 

***** 

Andy steeled himself against the sound and smell of the club before stepping inside. There was always something about the first few moments surrounded by that much sweaty men and deafening music that shocked his senses in the most uncomfortable way. 

Today was the same, but at least today he was eager to get inside. Marcus was there, and as much as Andy had been denying it to himself, he'd been looking forward to seeing him again all day. 

It didn't take long for Andy to find him this time. Marcus was at the bar again, close to where they'd had met that first night. Andy's eyes were immediately drawn to Marcus, unruly curls and tight body revealed under a tight t-shirt and jeans. Andy felt a fire spark in the middle of his chest at the sight of Marcus. The heat spread quickly as his body responded. 

Andy made his way through the crowd, eyes fixed on Marcus. It wasn't until he was a couple of yards away that he noticed that Marcus was talking to another man. They were leaning in close together, talking into each other's ear. The man put his hand across the back of Marcus' neck, forcing Marcus to look at him. Marcus responded with a hand low on the other man's hip. They were clearly more than mere acquaintances. 

Andy stood frozen with a sense of déjà vu, remembering the other night he came to club to find Marcus chatting with another attractive man. Maybe he had been mistaken about Marcus' text. Maybe Marcus wanted nothing more than have sex again and was testing the field before Andy arrived. Suddenly Andy wasn't sure he wanted to be here at all. 

Before he could decide what to do, the other man spotted Andy and frowned. How the other man knew who he was, Andy had no idea, but it was clear from his body language that he didn't like Andy's presence. 




Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 03



Marcus noticed the man's reaction though and turned to follow his gaze. The smile that spread across Marcus' face melted Andy's insides, even if it didn't ease all his insecurities. Marcus walked toward him, just like he did that last time, and just like last time, Andy felt his heart begin to race. But this time, it raced out of anticipation rather than fear. 

It was like in the movies. Andy didn't think that was possible. Everything around him, the crowd of bodies and the booming of the music, it all faded and all Andy could see was Marcus and the way his body moved as he walked. 

There was beauty, right there. The same kind of beauty that Marcus has captured in those drawings, Andy recognized it in Marcus as he made his way to Andy. The fire that had initially sparked in his chest burst into a raging fire. It was so all consuming that he couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't do anything until Marcus was in front of him with that teasing smile. 

Andy stood transfixed as Marcus leaned in for a kiss. Marcus hovered, just millimeters away from Andy's mouth, both breathing hard and sharing each other's air. That moment seemed to stretch into eternity until the fire burning with Andy couldn't be contained anymore. He closed the short distance between them in a full body kiss, tongues dueling, teeth nipping, bodies pressed flushed and arms reaching around to bring them closer. 

All thoughts, all the insecurities, all the confusion was driven from Andy's mind as he gave himself over to the kiss, burying his fingers into Marcus' hair and reveling in the feeling of Marcus' body up against his own. He was already hard in his pants and he could feel Marcus' equally hard dick pressing against his thigh. That only made him hungrier for Marcus. 

"Seriously?! Hello?!" A voice sounded off in the distance. "Unbelievable! Ugh!" 

Marcus broke off the kiss gently and pulled back a fraction. Andy whimpered and tried to follow him; he hadn't gotten nearly enough of Marcus. As they both caught their breaths, bodies still flush against each other, Andy realized the far off voice was actually standing next to them. It was the guy Marcus was talking to before. 

Andy jumped back when he realized they had an audience and put some distance between him and Marcus. He reached up to wipe his mouth and ran a hand through his hair to straighten it. His eyes wide and fixed on this stranger, Andy didn't notice the frown on Marcus' face. 

A blanket of guilt settled heavily on Andy's shoulders, a familiar weight he'd been able to momentarily escape while in Marcus' arms. Andy's palms were sweating and his mouth suddenly dry as the blood drained from his face. The stranger didn't approve of him, that much was clear. Perhaps it was because Andy had been caught kissing another man; perhaps it was because Andy was kissing Marcus and this man had plans with Marcus. Either way, Andy felt exposed as the man appraised him with arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. 

Marcus cleared his throat. 

"Um, Andy, this is Stephen, my best friend since... Well, since before either of us could walk. Stephen, this is Andy." Marcus made introductions, but Andy didn't hear the awkwardness in his voice. 

Stephen apparently did because he gave Marcus a skeptical look before giving Andy another once over. 

"Pleased to meet you," Stephen didn't sound very pleased as he stuck out his hand. 

Andy stared at it as if it was a snake waiting to consume his hand whole. Andy swallowed, trying unsuccessfully to wet his throat. 

"The pleasure's mine," Andy croaked around his dry throat as he shook Stephen's hand. 

"Sure, it is," Stephen scoffed. 

"Stephen!" Marcus scolded before Andy could really process what he had said. 

"Sorry," Stephen said while rolling his eyes. 

"Jesus, what's the hell's wrong with you?" Marcus swore while Andy cringed internally at the curse. 

Stephen raised an amused eyebrow and looked back and forth between Marcus and Andy. 

"Language, Marcus," Stephen scolded in return and turned to Andy. "Such a dirty, dirty mouth. But then, you know that already, don't you?" 

Andy flushed a bright red as he caught Stephen's innuendo. 

"Fuck you, Stephen," Marcus said, stepping in front of Andy defensively. 

"Not a chance," Stephen chuckled and walked away. 

Andy didn't fully understand what just happened with Stephen. All he knew was that Stephen didn't want him here, that he shouldn't be here. 

"I'm so sorry. Stephen can be an asshole sometimes." 

Marcus took hold of both of Andy's arms to pull him back into an embrace, but Andy tensed, keeping a distance between them. 

"I should go," Andy said, hating how his voice trembled. 

"No," Marcus tightened his grips slightly on Andy's arms. "You just got here. Don't let Stephen get to you. He's such a drama queen, it doesn't mean anything." 

Andy wanted to believe him. He wanted to believe that everything was alright. But it was clear that Stephen didn't like him, that he disapproved of whatever was going on between Andy and Marcus. Stephen could see what a fraud he was, and Andy couldn't blame him, because he felt like a fraud. 

Marcus put a hand on Andy's cheek, forcing him to look up and meet his gaze. The look Andy saw there melted his resolve to leave. The tenderness, the concern, all of it was evident in Marcus' eyes and Andy didn't deserve any of it. But it wound its way into Andy's heart and he knew he couldn't leave. He needed Marcus, he needed to be in Marcus' arms, to touch him, feel his heart beat, breath in his scent and taste him. Marcus calmed his soul, Marcus gave him peace, Marcus made him feel safe. As much as he fought it, he knew it was true. He needed Marcus. 

Andy sighed as Marcus pulled him in for a tight hug, both men holding each other close, reconnecting as their heartbeats synced. Andy felt himself calm, setting aside his worries and just enjoyed the feel of Marcus against him. 

"Dance with me?" Marcus asked. 

Andy leaned back to look at Marcus. 

"I thought you didn't dance." 

Marcus shrugged, "Think of it as an excuse to hold you." 

Andy felt his face flush again, this time over the tender words and the dirty smirk on Marcus' face. 

"You lead," Marcus said with a laugh. 

"Sure." 

Keeping their bodies close, Andy swayed them from side-to-side, slowly turning in a circle. It didn't matter that the club was playing a fast hitting dance beat. They were dancing to their own music. Foreheads touching, noses rubbing back and forth, holding each other so close that their eyes couldn't quite focus on the other's face. They stayed that way, swaying to an unheard melody as the rest of the world faded again. 

Andy had no idea how long they were there for, but he wanted to stay there forever. He was surprised at how disappointment he was when Marcus pulled back a fraction. 

"I need to go to the bathroom," Marcus said. 

"Okay." 

Marcus paused with a wry look. 

"I'm not sure you should visit the bathroom." 

"Why not?" Andy asked for a frown. 

"There are... Extracurricular activities in there," Marcus said with a smile. 

It took a split second for Andy to fully understand what Marcus was referring to. 

"Oh..." 

"Don't worry," Marcus said with a laugh. "I just need to pee. Go wait for me by the bar, I'll be right back." 

Marcus gave Andy a quick peck on the lips before spinning away. 

Andy looked around in a daze, remember where he was. He made his way to the bar through the crowd. He's forgotten how many people there were in the club, and all of them had seen him kiss Marcus and dance with Marcus. Andy ducked his head, not wanting to make eye contact with any of them, not wanting to see what kind of judging look they had. 

Andy couldn't quite figure out why he suddenly felt so shameful tonight when he'd been to the club before. This time was different, he realized, because this time whatever he had with Marcus meant something. It was something special and his desire for it was stronger than any desire he'd felt for another man before. 

He wasn't just scratching an itch anymore, this wasn't just experimenting. He was being drawn by some invisible force down a path he had conflicted feelings about. But by now it was too late to turn back. 

"Hey, Father Andy." 

Andy's hackles rose as Stephen saddled up to him by the bar. 

"So you're a priest, huh?" Stephen asked. 

Andy hesitated, not sure what Stephen was driving at. 

"Yeah," he answered. 

"But you're gay." 

The denial was on the tip of his tongue. No, he wasn't gay. He couldn't be gay, it was forbidden. But that was difficult to argue when he'd just been making out with a man. So he just pressed his lips together, not sure how to respond. 

"Oh wait, you can't be gay," Stephen continued. "Because you're Catholic, and gays go to hell, right?" 

Yes, that was true. That was what the Bible taught. But Andy suddenly couldn't bring himself to defend the teachings of the faith he held so dear. 

Andy didn't like the way Stephen was looking at him, that same appraising look as before, as if Stephen was trying to see into Andy's inner thoughts. 

Stephen chuckled and shook his head. 

"Listen, I don't know you. Maybe you're a really sweet guy. But I know Marcus and Marcus doesn't always listen to reason. You're deep in the closet, you might never come out. Marcus deserves better than that. He deserves someone like that Charles he was seeing right before you came back into the picture. Charles is a nice guy, he's funny and hot. And most importantly, he's out and proud. He's not ashamed of who he is, not ashamed of what he could have with Marcus. Can you give Marcus that?" 

Stephen paused as Andy trembled. No, he couldn't give Marcus that. He didn't know how to give Marcus that. 

"No, I didn't think so," Stephen said with a dry chuckle. "So please do us all a favor and stop leading him on." 

"Hey, what's going on here?" The tone of Marcus' voice as he approached the bar made it clear that he hadn't heard Stephen's little tirade. 

"Oh nothing," Stephen said. "Just having a little heart-to-heart with Andy here. Good talk, sweetheart." 

Stephen gave Andy a wink before turning to Marcus. 

"I'll see you later," he leaned in for a quick peck on Marcus' cheek before disappearing into the crowd again. 

"Andy?" Marcus asked, pulling the man into his arms again. 

Andy let him this time, needing the assurance he found there. But he knew it wasn't his to keep. He didn't deserve Marcus, Marcus deserved better than him. 

"I should go." 

Marcus glanced quickly at his phone to check the time. 

"Yeah, sure, let's go." 

Andy let Marcus lead him outside. He had meant to go home, but he couldn't bring himself to pull his hand out of Marcus' tight grip. 

Outside the club, Andy pulled Marcus to a stop. 

"I think I should go home," Andy said. "Maybe this was a bad idea." 

"What? Why? Did Stephen say something?" Marcus frowned, one hand tightening around Andy's and the other rose to tilt Andy's head up to meet his gaze. 

"No, yes... I mean, it's not..." Andy sighed. 

"What did he say?" 

"Nothing," Andy shook his head. "He just mentioned your boyfriend." 

"My boyfriend? What boyfriend?" 

"Charles," Andy admitted, barely able to say the name out loud. 

"Charles?" Marcus was incredulous. "I went on, maybe two dates with Charles. He's not my boyfriend." 

Andy didn't want to acknowledge to himself how happy he was to hear that. 

"Stephen needs to mind his own business, okay? Don't listen to him, he doesn't know what he's talking about." 

Andy wanted to believe Marcus so badly, he wanted to discount everything Stephen had said. The rational part of his brain knew that Stephen had a point, but that was so easy to ignore when Marcus was holding him close, looking straight into his eyes, straight into his soul. 

"Come home with me," Marcus pleaded. 

Andy couldn't resist the hopeful look in Marcus' eyes. 

"Okay," Andy gave in to the temptation with a shy smile. 

"Okay?" Marcus repeated, as if unsure that was Andy's answer. "Okay." 

Marcus tightened his grip on Andy's hand and pulled him close as they headed down the street. Andy kept his head down and focused on the feeling of his hand in Marcus' rather than the urge to check if people were staring at two men holding hands. 

They walked quickly but silently. Every once in a while, Marcus would squeeze Andy's hand and he would squeeze back. Each time, it brought a smile to Andy's face. He wasn't sure why, but something about that simple gesture warmed his heart. The heat spread quickly to other intimate regions of his body until he was urging Marcus to walk faster. 

The second the door to Marcus' apartment was closed, Andy pushed Marcus up against the wall and took his mouth in a deep, invading kiss. Andy pressed his body up against Marcus, chest to chest, groin to groin, thigh to thigh, his cock jumping at the feeling of Marcus' hardness rubbing through layers of clothing. Andy didn't know what had gotten into him, but he was suddenly desperate for Marcus, needed Marcus in a basic, primal way that defied all thought or reason or faith. 

Marcus' hands made their way onto Andy's ass, kneading the muscles through Andy's pants. Andy groaned at the sensation and rubbed himself harder against Marcus, causing Marcus to groan in response. 

Andy couldn't take very much of this, he wanted skin on skin contact. He needed to feel Marcus without any barriers between them. He pulled away abruptly, surprising Marcus. 

"Clothes," Andy explained in a breathless voice. He made quick work of his shirt and was pushing down his pants before Marcus could process the command. 

Andy was naked and pulling Marcus toward the bed while Marcus was still working on his tight jeans. Andy sat down on the edge of the bed and positioned Marcus between his spread legs, his hands on top of Marcus' as they pushed down the jeans together. 

Andy buried his face into Marcus' crotch, desperate for the scent of Marcus. He wrapped his lips around the bulge through the cotton of Marcus' briefs, mouthing at the muscle underneath. His lips found the wet spot and sucked to taste the pre-cum soaking through. It tasted like Marcus, cinnamon and spice, and Andy needed more. He needed to be filled with Marcus, to be claimed by Marcus, to know that he and he alone belonged to this beautiful man. 

"Oh god, doe eyes," Marcus' hand were buried in Andy's hair, holding him in place as he rubbed his groin in Andy's face. Andy felt like he was getting marked by Marcus, and the thought left his head spinning with desire. 

Andy hooked his fingers underneath the waistband of Marcus' underwear and pulled it out and over the thick column of Marcus' cock. Andy took a split second to admire its beautiful proportions, thick and long, decorated with engorged glands and smoothly shaved skin all around. Then he dived down, taking Marcus into his mouth as deep as he could make it go. 

Andy's gag reflex immediately kicked in and he had to back off to catch his breath. 

"Whoa, easy there, doe eyes," Marcus panted with a laugh, brushing the hair off of Andy's forehead. 

Andy tried again, pushing himself as far down onto Marcus' cock as he could go before bobbing back up, using his hand to make up the difference. 

"Oh god," Marcus groaned again, music to Andy's ears. 

Andy loved this, the way his jaws stretched wide to accommodate Marcus' girth, the weight of Marcus' cock on his tongue. He loved the way his mind emptied of all worries and focused on the taste and feel of Marcus in his mouth. But there was something else Andy wanted more. 

Andy pulled off Marcus, hollowing out his cheeks to suck out one last dollop of that delicious pre-cum onto his tongue. Then, grabbing Marcus' hand, he scooted back on the bed, pulling Marcus down on top of him. Andy opened his legs and let Marcus settle himself in between his thighs. 

"Please, Marcus," Andy pleaded. "I need you." 

Marcus growled deep in his chest and pressed Andy down into the bed with a bruising, demanding kiss. Their tongues dueled as Andy arched up into him, sweat-sheened skin sliding against skin, leaking cocks rubbing against each other. 

Marcus reached underneath Andy's knees and pushed them up until Andy was almost folded over in half. Andy gasped at the abruptness of the move, but felt his cock pulse painfully at being manhandled by Marcus. Andy grasped his shins to help hold his legs in place while Marcus dove down to attack Andy's hole with his talented tongue. 

Andy squirmed under the assault, the wetness probing his ass sending shivers through his body. His stomach clenched as he felt Marcus' tongue find its way inside past Andy's tight ring of muscle. Marcus quickly replaced his tongue with a finger and Andy bore down on it to suck it as deeply into his body as he could. 

Andy was still sore from the night before, but he was quickly learning to appreciate that delicate mix of pain and pleasure. 

"More Marcus," Andy begged, breathlessly. 

Marcus slid another finger in his ass and scissored them back and forth before searching out Andy's prostate. Electricity shot through Andy's body, almost lifting him straight off the bed. 

"Please, Marcus." 

Andy grasped at Marcus' arms, trying to pull him up so he could replace his fingers with that long gorgeous cock. Marcus placed one last kiss on Andy's ass, then reached over into his nightstand for the obligatory lube and condoms. He made quick work of rolling the condom onto his cock and then slathered with it a generous helping of lube. He did the same with Andy's ass before shifting into position, rubbing the head of his cock at entrance to Andy's body. 

"Easy, doe eyes," Marcus' voice sounded strained. "I'm not sure I prepped you enough, I don't want to hurt you." 

"You won't hurt me," Andy said. "Don't be gentle, I need you." 

Marcus growled and claimed Andy's mouth as he pushed his hips forward seeking entrance. Andy felt the pressure and bore down, willing his body to accept Marcus. Slowly, he felt his muscles respond and the head of Marcus' cock popped in past the tight ring of muscle. 

A quick shock of pain radiated out from Andy's ass, even as his balls drew up at the pleasure of being penetrated and stretched wide. Andy took fast shallow breaths as he fought against his body's reaction to eject the foreign object. 

Andy shifted his legs until they were up around Marcus' thighs, ankles hooked around Marcus' body. The movement set fire to his ass, a raging fire that threatened to consume him. Andy used his feet to pull Marcus deeper inside him. He needed more. 

Marcus got the message and pressed forward steadily, not stopping until he was fully seated. Andy was impaled, filled to overflowing with Marcus, every inch of his body wound up tight, ready to shatter. This was it, this was what Andy wanted, what he needed. Marcus inside of him, in the deepest, most intimate part of him, the place where no one else had ever been, knowing him in a way no one else had before. 

Andy held Marcus close, seeking out his mouth so their tongues could dance. Marcus obliged, pressing deep into Andy, twirling his tongue in and out of Andy's mouth until Andy was squirming. Andy shifted his hips, gasping at the combined sensation in his ass and the way his cock rubbed against Marcus' hard stomach. 

"Please Marcus," Andy whispered against Marcus' lips, tilting his hips up against Marcus. 

Slowly, Marcus pulled out until just his head was inside Andy's tight sheath. Andy's skin tingled at the feeling of his empty channel. Then Marcus pushed in, filling Andy again and squeezing all the air out of Andy's lungs. 

Marcus was moving too slowly for Andy's liking. Andy planted his feet flat on the bed and drove his hips up to meet Marcus on his next stroke. It caused Marcus to shudder and Andy to groan in pleasure. 




Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 03



"Yes, more," Andy gasped, his fingers digging into Marcus shoulders. 

"You want it like that, doe eyes?" Marcus asked, rising up onto his elbows. "You want it hard and fast?" 

"Yes..." 

Marcus growled and slammed his hips forward, driving Andy into the bed. 

"Yes!" Andy gasped. "Harder! Faster!" 

Marcus reared back to find the perfect angle and began pounding into Andy, pulling out almost all the way and then jackknifing his hips forward to hit Andy's prostate. Andy threw his head back and levered his body up on his feet to meet Marcus thrust for thrust. 

Andy was on the edge of shattering. His eyes were wild with desire, his mind spinning, his nerve endings firing in such quick succession that his brain couldn't process it all. Andy felt it rising, a tidal wave of pleasure that threatened to drown him. It started deep in his groin where Marcus was pounding into him, his balls drew up and he felt the churning low in his stomach. 

Then suddenly Marcus grasped Andy's cock and gave it a couple of firm strokes and the tidal wave crashed. Andy unleashed a fountain of cum gushing from his cock and spewing all over his chest and Marcus' hand. The pleasure washed over him in waves, short circuiting Andy's brain until he was just a mass of muscles overcome with sensation. 

In the midst of Andy's high, he heard Marcus shout and drive himself deep inside of Andy's body. Andy felt himself stretch even more as Marcus' cock swelled to impossible proportions before Marcus tensed, every muscle flexed in sharp relief. 

Then Marcus collapsed on top of Andy, his weight heavy but comforting. In unison, they caught their breaths, allowing their heartbeat to slow in sync. Marcus' face was buried in the crook of Andy's neck and Andy held him close as they recovered. 

"That was amazing," Andy whispered when he found his voice again. 

"Yeah, it was," Marcus chucked into Andy's neck. Then he shifted to his elbows, the movement causing him to slip out of Andy's body, much to Andy's chagrin. 

"I wasn't too rough, was I?" Marcus asked, hand brushing Andy's hair back from his forehead. 

"Not at all, I wanted that. I think I needed it." 

Marcus smiled and leaned down for a gentle kiss. 

"Shower?" Marcus asked. 

Andy smiled. He'd never thought about showering with another man before, but the idea seemed like fun. He nodded as Marcus sat back and disposed of the condom. Marcus grabbed Andy's hand, led him to the bathroom and pulled him in under the spray. 

Andy's sighed under the soothing hot water, running his hands over Marcus' wet skin. Marcus squeezed a generous amount of body wash into Andy's hand and together they rubbed the soap over each other's bodies, more concerned with finding the secret dips and crevices than with getting clean. 

Their mouths found each other in gentle lazy kisses. Andy tangled his fingers into Marcus' wet hair, pressing close against Marcus' hard body. Marcus' hands were on Andy's ass, parting the cheeks and slipping a couple of fingers in between to gently massage Andy's sore hole. Andy moaned at the touch, and despite his soreness and having just cum, he felt his balls stirring and couldn't help but tilt his hips to give Marcus better access. 

Marcus was feeling the same way, if the way his cock was growing was any indication. 

"Oh god, doe eyes," Marcus groaned, holding Andy tightly. 

They stood there, under the spray, cheek to cheek, chest to chest, thigh to thigh, simply enjoying each other as the water washed away the last evidence of their love making. In that moment, everything felt right to Andy, the world made sense in Marcus' arms. Problems never seemed too big, burdens never seemed too heavy, as long as Marcus was there to hold him. Andy never wanted to leave. 

But life always intrudes and after a few minutes, Marcus reached around and turned off the water. 

"Stay tonight?" Marcus asked. 

Andy looked into Marcus' soulful eyes and felt his heart constrict at the hope he saw there. 

"I really want to," Andy sighed. "But..." He bite his lip indecisively. 

"It's okay," Marcus said with a sad smile. 

He leaned in for another gentle kiss that melted Andy's heart. Andy really didn't want to go and was so close to giving in to his desires, but Marcus was stronger than him. 

He grabbed a towel off the rack and proceeded to dry Andy, efficient but lingering in certain spots that he anointed with kisses. Andy was well on his way to a full hard on by the time Marcus was done. So Andy took the other towel and gave Marcus the same treatment. 

As Andy was kneeling to dry Marcus' legs, he got distracted by the beautiful piece of meat that was so recently inside his body. Andy placed a kiss on Marcus' pelvic bone, right above his cock, then rubbed his lips back and forth against the smooth skin. Andy pressed his face into the base of Marcus' cock and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of soap mixed with Marcus' cinnamon and spice. 

"Oh, doe eyes," Marcus groaned as his threaded his fingers through Andy's hair. "You've gotta stop or I'm not letting you leave." 

"And what if I don't want to leave," Andy whispered against Marcus' cock as he kissed his way to the head. When he got there, he swirling his tongue around the glands and used his hand to pull Marcus' foreskin up and over the head, trapping his tongue inside. 

Marcus' knees buckled and he grabbed onto the wall to keep from falling on top of Andy. Andy smiled around Marcus' cock; he loved that he had that effect on Marcus. 

"Shit, doe eyes," Marcus groaned between clenched teeth, tightening his grip on Andy's hair. 

Andy closed his lips around Marcus' cock and sucked with his tongue still wedged between the head and the foreskin. His other hand came up and cradled Marcus balls, rolling them around in his palm. 

"Ahhh..." Marcus groaned and tightened his grip on Andy's hair. 

Marcus' pre-cum was leaking onto Andy's tongue. He tasted heavenly, the cinnamon and spice an intoxicating concoction that smothered Andy in a haze of arousal. He wanted all of Marcus, he wanted to feel the thickness opening up his throat until all there was, was Marcus. 

Slowly, Andy inched forward, swiping his tongue along the underside of Marcus' cock until it bumped up against the back of his throat. He took a deep breath, relaxed his throat and swallowed. Marcus' cock slid down his throat and Andy felt his nose bump against Marcus' pubic bone. 

"Fuck... Andy..." Marcus was breathing hard and Andy could feel him tensing underneath his hands. He pulled back, determined to drag this out as long as he could. 

Slowly, Andy bobbed up and down on Marcus' cock, running the flat of his tongue along the length of it, circling around the head when he pulled back. Andy's hands grabbed hold of Marcus' butt cheeks and squeezed, massaging and tugging at them, keeping up a steady tempo in his bobbing. 

Every couple of moments, he swallowed, enjoying the feeling of Marcus' thickness blocking off his airway and filling all of his senses. Andy's own cock was hard and leaking onto the bathroom floor. 

He let his hands explore, his fingers inching along Marcus' crack, trailing down the crevice until they discovered the little wrinkle of skin. 

"Ah... Shit... Fuck, Andy... Oh god..." Marcus pushed back against Andy's exploring fingers and tightened his hold of Andy's hair. 

Andy grinned around the thick tool in his mouth, reveling in the power he felt in bringing Marcus so much pleasure. He used a finger to massage the rose bud, eliciting non-coherent sounds from Marcus. 

Andy let Marcus' cock pop out of his mouth, but continued to jack it with one hand while he slipped a couple of his fingers from the other hand in his mouth. Andy looked up at Marcus to see half lidded eyes filled with desire watching him. Marcus shuddered at the sight and Andy was a little shocked at what had come over himself. But knowing that he was responsible the hunger in Marcus' eyes gave him the encouragement he needed to go on. 

With his fingers slick with saliva, he reached back to toy with Marcus' hole again. His finger teased and prodded gently while his tongue mimicked the motions on Marcus' cock head. All the while, he kept his eyes on Marcus, gauging the effects of his actions. Marcus' eyes blurred. He braced himself against the counter behind Andy, bent slightly at the waist as if unable to keep himself upright. 

Andy smiled, knowing what he wanted to do. He sealed his lips around Marcus' impossibly hard dick and began sucking in earnest. At the same time, he pressed a finger into Marcus ass and felt the tight muscles give way. The finger slipped in and Andy pumped it slowly in and out and he bobbed his head up and down, determined to coax a healthy load from Marcus. 

"Oh god... Andy, I'm going to cum," Marcus warned, tugging at Andy's hair to pull him off. But Andy held on tight, burying his finger deep into Marcus ass and sliding Marcus' cock down his throat. 

With a deep groan, Marcus tensed, bearing down on Andy's finger and spurted stream after stream of hot creamy cum into Andy's mouth. Andy swallowed every drop, savoring the tanginess of Marcus' essence. 

Andy had a silly grin on his face, he knew it, but he couldn't help it. He kissed his way up Marcus' abs and chest as he caught his breath. Marcus pulled Andy up, attacking his mouth, tongues dueling and exploring. 

"Oh god, you're so sexy on your knees with my cock in your mouth," Marcus murmured against Andy's lips in between kisses. "And you liked playing with my ass, huh?" 

Andy felt himself blush, which was rather ridiculous since a minute ago, he had his finger up said ass. 

"How would you like to put more than just a finger up there?" Marcus reached down and palmed Andy's hard cock. 

Andy's breath hitched at the thought of being buried in Marcus' sweet little hole, and tremors ran down his body. Marcus smiled, and led Andy to the bed where he pulled out condoms and lube from the night stand. 

Marcus sat down on the bed, pulled Andy in front of him and unceremoniously inhaled Andy's cock. Andy let out a strangled cry and grasped at Marcus' shoulders to steady himself. He told himself to breathe before he passed out from the sensations flooding his system. 

Marcus came off with a knowing grin and quickly rolled a condom onto Andy. He scooted back onto the middle of the bed and pulled Andy with him. Marcus handed Andy the bottle of lube before turning onto his hands and knees to present his ass to him. 

"No," Andy said, putting a hand on Marcus' hip and squeezing. "On your back, I want to see your face." 

He needed to see Marcus' face, needed to see the look when he entered him, the look when he thrust so deep that they couldn't tell where one person ended and the other began. Marcus turned and the look on his face stole Andy's breath. Sweetness and gentleness and something more that Andy couldn't quite put a name to. He leaned in for a kiss, pushing Marcus onto his back and pressing down into him. He explored every inch of Marcus' mouth until they were both breathless. Then Marcus shifted and Andy found himself settled in between Marcus' thighs, hard cock pressed against hard cock. 

"Doe eyes, please, I need you inside me." 

Andy leaned back and squeeze a blob of lube onto his hand, spreading the cool gel onto his cock. Then another blob, which he warmed up between his fingers. 

Marcus pulled his legs up, knees to either side of his chest, leaving himself exposed for Andy. Andy took a minute to take in the view, a little overwhelmed at the sight of the beautiful man, laying there, opening himself to Andy so freely. It warmed Andy in a way that had less to do with sex and everything to do with his heart. 

He saw Marcus' hole twitching and rubbed at the skin gently with his lubed fingers. 

"Ugh, don't tease me," Marcus moaned. 

Andy grinned and obliged. Slowly, he pushed with one finger which slid easily in. Marcus hummed contently and rocked his ass up to take more of Andy's finger inside. As soon as Andy felt Marcus' muscles loosen, he added a second finger and soon a third. He fucked Marcus with his fingers and his other hand on his own cock. Marcus had his eyes closed, head rolling from side to side, body rocking up and down to meet Andy's thrust. 

"Now, Andy, now. I need you now." 

Andy pulled his fingers out and marveled for a second at Marcus' pink insides. His hole stayed open and quivering, waiting for Andy to fill it again. Andy shuffled closer, lining his cock up with Marcus entrance, rubbing his head against the gaping hole. 

"Marcus," Andy whispered. He didn't need to say anymore. Marcus opened his eyes and stared into Andy's own. Marcus lifted his legs to wrap around Andy's body, the movement pushing himself against Andy's poised dick. At the same time, Andy titled his hips and the head of his cock popped in past the tight ring of muscles in Marcus ass. 

Andy let out a ragged breath. Marcus ran his hands up and down Andy's body, everywhere he could reach, eyes never leaving his. Slowly, they shifted, leaned and pressed into each other until inch by inch, Andy sank into Marcus, his balls rubbing against Marcus' ass cheeks. 

Fully sheathed inside of Marcus' velvety heat, Andy let out another ragged breath. Nothing in the world had ever felt so right to him before. Not his duties as a priest, not making a difference in other people's lives. This felt right, Andy knew, because it was making love to Marcus. 

Andy leaned down to kiss Marcus, filling the kiss with all the things that were flowing through his mind and his heart but he didn't have the words to express. Marcus returned the kiss, holding Andy close with his arms and his legs, returning every wave of emotion sent his way. 

Andy wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, him buried deep inside Marcus while they kissed each other's breaths away. It could have been just moments, but Andy wanted it to go on forever. Finally Marcus shifted underneath him and Andy felt a jolt of electricity shoot through his cock and up his spine. His hips jerked involuntarily and Marcus gasped in response. 

"Make love to me, doe eyes." 

Andy almost came at those words. He took a deep steadying breath before pulling out tentatively and then pushing slowly, astonished at the feeling of Marcus' ass sucking him back in. He started building a steady rhythm, pulling out until just his head was inside Marcus, then all the way in and grinding their pubic bones together. After a few moments of this, Marcus suddenly flexed up and met Andy mid-thrust, driving the rhythm faster. 

Andy felt like all the blood in his body was rushing to his cock, which was on fire inside Marcus body. Through hazy eyes, he saw Marcus' head thrown back, body bucking underneath Andy's. The sight of the other man losing control under him was so erotic, it shattered something inside of him. He let his primal side take over and started pounding Marcus with everything he could muster. 

Andy could feel his balls swinging and slapping against Marcus' ass, the thwack thwack sound was driving him wild. Marcus' hands were trailing paths of fire all over his body, flicking at his nipples, clawing at his back. Marcus' hair was a messy mop with curls all over the place, covering half of his face and falling in his eyes. The dazed look on Marcus face was beautiful. 

Andy leaned down and captured Marcus' lips with his own, tongues dancing in time with their bodies. They exchanged breaths back and forth, two people becoming one, their bodies and souls melting into each other. Andy kissed along Marcus' jaw and across his collar bone, tasting the salty sweat glistening across his skin. 

"Yes, Andy, oh god Andy," Marcus guided Andy's other hand to his cock to encourage him to stroke. Andy happily obliged, matching his hand to the rhythm of his thrusts. 

"Right there, yes, right there," Marcus held himself up at an angle, as Andy's jabs hit at his prostate. Andy picked up his speed, wanting to see Marcus come apart in his arms, wanting to bring this beautiful man the same pleasure he'd graciously shown to Andy. Andy trained his eyes on Marcus' face, watching it contort as Marcus neared his orgasm. 

"Come for me, Marcus, come for me," Andy whispered, marveling at sight of Marcus underneath him. 

"Oh, fuck, Andy!" Marcus screamed, writhing on the bed, head thrown back in ecstasy, hands clutching at Andy so hard he'd probably leave bruises. Marcus came, shooting smaller spurts of cum over Andy's hand in his third orgasm of the night. But the sight was so mesmerizing and the feeling of Marcus' ass clenching around his cock until it felt like it would fall off was too much. Andy thrust in as deep as he could go, emptying himself deep inside Marcus' body. 

Andy collapsed on top of Marcus, still buried deep inside him. He felt like all his nerves were fried as aftershocks pulsed through him. All of his bones had melted as he laid there, the smooth muscle of Marcus' chest under his cheek. He didn't want to move, he couldn't move if he wanted to. 

Marcus' arms came around Andy and held tight. One hand came up and brushed his hair away from his face and Marcus planted a tender kiss on Andy's forehead. 

"I guess we'll need another shower," Andy mumbled into Marcus' chest. 

"Showering with you is dangerous," Marcus chuckled. "We might end up back in bed if we're not careful." 

"Does that mean we should shower separately?" 

Marcus squeezed Andy in his arms and planted another gentle kiss on his forehead. "Whatever you'd like, doe eyes." 

There was something in Marcus' voice, thick with some emotion Andy didn't expect or understand. Andy pushed himself up onto his elbows to look down at Marcus. His eyes were warm and gentle, like always, but there was something else there, something that stole Andy's breath away. 

Andy brushed a hand through Marcus' curls, trailing his fingers across Marcus' forehead and down his nose. When his fingers got to Marcus' lips, Marcus opened his mouth and caught Andy's fingers inside. Marcus' tongue licked and lapped at Andy's fingertips until Andy pulled them out and replaced them with his tongue. 

It wasn't the most passionate kiss, or the most arousing. But the kiss was deep, soul deep. Andy felt himself being sucked into the kiss, as if his entire being, his heart, soul and mind were being emptied into Marcus through that kiss. He felt like there was nothing left of himself as he gave all that he was into Marcus' care. 

Suddenly, Marcus reared up and flipped them over until Andy was on his back, pressed into the bed as Marcus took over the kiss. Andy's strangled cry was muffled as Marcus possessed his mouth. Andy gladly welcomed it, welcomed Marcus' claim over him. He felt emptied of himself, but full of Marcus, full of all that Marcus was offering him. It filled him to overflowing until he felt like he was going to burst. 

When they broke off the kiss, both men were panting. Andy gazed up into Marcus' eyes and knew they both felt the same way. Andy wasn't entirely clear what had just happened between them, had no words to describe it, but whatever it was it had happened to both of them. There was no denying it; no matter what the future held, they were bound to each other now. The knowledge gave Andy a deep sense of calm, a peace that transcended his body and soul. 

"Stay the night?" Marcus asked again. 

The question reminded Andy that life was never as simple as he would hope. He sighed, struggling with the temptation to just give in and stay. 

"I really want to, but..." 

Marcus nodded with a sad smile. 

"It's okay." Marcus said with a wry grin. "Go shower. Alone this time." 

Andy smiled as Marcus rolled off him and stretched out on the bed. Andy groaned at the sight of Marcus' lean body put on display for him. He quickly scrambled off the bed and into the bathroom before his cock started making decisions for him again.



Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 04



Again, a big thank you to everyone's comments. They're very much appreciated, please keep them coming! 

Happy Reading! 

Yours, 

Hudson Bartholomew 

Copyright © 2015 by Hudson Bartholomew. All rights reserved. This story or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. 

***** 

Stepping Out in Faith - Chapter 4 

Marcus sat down gently across from his mother while she studied him with an astute eye. 

"What?" Marcus asked. 

Cheryl just narrowed her eyes and took a sip of her Bellini. 

"You had company last night? Was it Charles?" 

"No, I only went on a couple of dates with Charles." Marcus frowned. "How do you know whether I had company last night?" 

"Why aren't you still seeing Charles?" 

Marcus rolled his eyes as his mother evaded his question. 

"I don't know. He's a nice guy, but..." Marcus shrugged. 

"But?" 

"I don't know! There just wasn't a spark and stuff." 

Cheryl raised an eyebrow, which meant that she wasn't impressed. 

"You should give him another chance. He's a good guy." 

"I know he's a good guy, but that's not the point." 

Cheryl set her jaw and glared at Marcus. That was her way of admitting defeat without actually admitting defeat. 

"So who were you with last night?" 

Marcus could stop the grin that spread across his face as the image of Andy sprung to his mind. "No one, nobody." 

Now both eyebrows went up. 

"Who was it?" Cheryl asked again. 

Marcus took his time, taking a big gulp of his Bellini and rearranging the silverware on the table. 

"Just Andy," Marcus' smile widened at the mention of his name. 

"The priest?" 

Marcus frowned at Cheryl's indignation. 

"His name is Andy." 

"And he's a priest, the one with the-you know, his first time." 

"Yeah, him." Marcus rolled his eyes. 

"I thought he was a one night stand." 

Marcus bristled at the description. "It's been more than just one night." 

"Apparently," Cheryl said dryly. 

Marcus frowned at his mother, not liking her tone of voice. 

"Do you have a problem with this?" 

Cheryl leveled her best glare at her son who was wise enough to shrink back into his seat. 

"What I have a problem with is you getting involved with a man who clearly has issues that he needs to sort through. My problem is I don't like you getting attached to someone like that when Charles is a perfectly nice man who was interested in you." 

"I'm not getting attached." 

"Yes, you are. You don't bottom for just anybody." 

"Mom!" Marcus looked around to see if anyone was close enough to overhear. "That is completely inappropriate!" Marcus leaned in and murmurs under this breath, "How did you know?" 

Cheryl sat back in her chair, with arms crossed and a satisfied grin. "I'm your mother, and I'm observant. You sat down rather gingerly earlier." 

Marcus buried his face into his hands, wishing the floor would open up and swallow him whole. 

"But really, Marcus, do you think this is a good idea? Do you honestly see this ending well?" 

Marcus sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. He knew he probably looked like a sullen teenager, but he didn't care. 

"I know what I'm doing, mom." Great, now he sounded like a sullen teenager, too. 

"Do you really?" Skepticism dripped from Cheryl's voice. 

"Look," Marcus sighed. "I know he's in the closet, okay? And I'm not expecting him to come out for me. It's just... I like spending time with him-" 

"Spending time in bed with him," Cheryl clarified. 

"Mom!" 

Cheryl raised her hands in defeat and let Marcus finish. 

"It's not like we're a thing," the words threatening to choke Marcus as he spoke them. "We're just hanging out." 

Cheryl looked like she didn't believe him. Marcus didn't blame her because he didn't believe himself. 

"Just promise to be careful, okay?" 

"I'm always careful, mom," Marcus responded with a glint in his eye and a raised eyebrow. 

"That not what I meant," Cheryl glared at her son. "I meant be careful with your heart." 

"I know, mom. I will be." 

***** 

"One more, push, push, push!" 

Andy grimaced and strained, willing his muscles to cooperate. Just another inch and his arms shook with the effort. Sweat was pouring from every inch of his skin, dripping into his eyes and blurring his vision of Marcus above him. 

"Come on, come on, just a little farther," Marcus urged Andy on. 

Andy gave one last push and heaved a sigh of relief as Marcus caught the bar and set the weights back on their stand. Andy's arms fell limp toward the floor as he lay on the padded bench. 

"You still alive there?" Marcus chuckled, leaning over the bar, curls falling over his eyes. 

Andy smiled up at him, "Barely." 

Marcus laughed as he came around the bench to give Andy a hand. Andy tried to lift his arm to let Marcus help pull him up, but groaned when his muscles protested at the movement. Instead, Andy rolled on to his side and off the bench, just barely catching himself before he landed on the floor. 

"Whoa, you okay, babe?" Marcus caught Andy by the shoulders and helped him stand up straight. 

Andy let himself lean into Marcus, breathing deep, trying to get oxygen into his tortured limbs. 

"I think we can call it day," Marcus said, guiding Andy toward the change room. 

"Ugh, thank you," Andy mumbled. "I haven't been this sore since... Well, actually, never mind." 

Marcus raised an eyebrow inquisitively, "Since?" 

Andy felt his face blush a brilliant red that had nothing to do with the strenuous workout that Marcus just put them through. 

"Andy?" 

"Since, that night," Andy muttered under his breath. 

"That night?" Marcus wrinkled his forehead, thinking back to which night Andy was talking about. 

"That night when we... you know." 

Marcus' eyebrows shot up, "You were sore afterwards?" 

Andy ducked his head, embarrassed and thankful that there was no one else in the gym change room. 

"I mean, I knew your ass was sore, but your whole body?" 

Andy wasn't sure he could get anymore red. 

Marcus responded by laughing out loud. "If I'd known, we could have done more of that kind of exercise." 

Andy tried to hide the burn on his cheeks by rifling through his locker. He hesitated when he realized that this was usually when people take showers after a workout. He glanced over at Marcus who was nonchalantly stripping off his gear. 

Andy's breath hitched at the sight of Marcus' sweat glistened body, all lean muscles rippling as he moved. Andy hadn't realized he was staring until Marcus looked up with that look. 

Marcus shut his locker, throwing a fresh towel over his shoulder. He stalked toward Andy gloriously naked, his thickening cock swinging in between his legs. Andy felt his heart race like that on first night; Marcus was the predator and he was the prey. Andy's own cock quickly grew in his shorts. 

Marcus paused just inches away from Andy, enveloping Andy in his scent, sweaty and primal. Andy felt himself swaying slightly, lightheaded from Marcus' intoxicating smell. 

"Hard to shower with clothes on, doe eyes," Marcus said, voice low and raw. 

Andy's cock jumped, straining to escape the confines of his shorts. He swallowed thickly before jumping into action; he wasn't sure if he'd ever stripped so fast in his life. 

Andy grabbed his own towel and followed Marcus into the showers, never taking his eyes off of the way the muscles of Marcus' ass shifted while he walked. 

In the showers, Marcus headed straight to the last stall and pulled Andy in before pulling the curtain shut. Marcus turned to face Andy and Andy forgot to breath. Marcus' cock was at full mast, standing straight and proud, begging Andy to get down on his knees and worship it. 

So that's what he did, dropped to his knees, ignoring the bite of tile, mesmerized by the beauty before him. Andy didn't notice when Marcus hung their towels out of the way and turned on the water. All he noticed was the way the water ran down Marcus' body, rivets of water trailing paths down the smooth skin. 

Andy leaned forward to kiss Marcus' hip, lapping at the water that pool in the dip there. He kissed his way to the base of Marcus' cock where he nuzzled his face, breathing deep the cinnamon and spice of Marcus. The smell made Andy's cock leak onto the shower floor. 

Andy lapped at Marcus' balls, taking each one into his mouth while letting Marcus' thick cock rest across his face. The skin was so smooth, feeling like velvet as it slid over Andy's face. Andy moaned has he massaged Marcus' balls in his mouth, eliciting a similar moan from Marcus. Andy glanced up to see Marcus' head thrown back against the shower wall, water pouring over his face and down his body. He was beautiful. 

Andy let his hands wander over Marcus' body, disrupting the rivers of water to feel the silky skin underneath. He let Marcus' balls fall out of his mouth to place kisses along Marcus' cock, keeping his eyes trained on the look of pleasure on Marcus' face. 

Slowly, Andy took Marcus into his mouth until the head hit the back of Andy's throat. Andy could feel Marcus tense under his hands and he tasted the tanginess of Marcus' pre-cum. Just as slowly, Andy pulled off to twirl his tongue around the bulbous head, dipping his tongue into the piss slit, seeking that delicious saltiness that was pure Marcus. 

Andy repeated this, slowly filling his mouth with Marcus' cock until his throat constricted, then slowly out until he could lap at the head. Andy rolled Marcus' balls back and forth in his palm, tugging lightly when he realized that it caused Marcus to shudder in pleasure. 

"Ugh, doe eyes, please," Marcus said, his fingers finding this way into Andy's wet hair. "You're gonna kill me like this." 

Andy moaned in response, and Marcus tightened his fingers as the vibrations rippled across his body. 

"Doe eyes, please," Marcus grasped Andy's shoulder and pulled him up. He took Andy's mouth in an unhurried kiss, pressing their slick bodies together, hands caressing, exploring, grasping at each other. 

Marcus moved them, switching places until Andy was standing under the shower spray. Andy tilted his head back to feel the water on his face. He heard Marcus let out a strangled noise and smiled. He loved that he had that kind of effect on Marcus. Andy opened his eyes in time to see Marcus squirt some body wash on his hand and spread it across Andy's chest. 

Everywhere Marcus' hands went, they massaged and squeezed, working the soreness out of Andy's muscles. Marcus was purposely avoiding Andy's cock, which made it that much harder. After working his way down the front of Andy's body, and ignoring the dick standing at attention in his face, Marcus turned Andy around to work his back. 

Andy brought his hands up to brace himself against the shower wall when Marcus got to his ass. Marcus worked each cheek before separating them and working the crevice, making sure to pay special attention to the rosebud hidden inside. Then Andy felt a soapy finger pushing and prodding, seeking entrance into his body. He tilted his ass up and forced himself to relax as Marcus' finger dipped inside. 

Andy's cock was aching, leaking a stream of pre-cum to be washed away by the shower. He felt Marcus working his finger inside until the rest of his hand bumped up against Andy's ass cheeks. Andy gasped as he felt Marcus' teeth graze lightly across his ass, then let out a shaky breath when Marcus soothed it with laps of his tongue. 

Marcus pulled his finger out, much to Andy's chagrin, but quickly replaced it with his tongue. Andy pushed his ass back as he felt Marcus wriggling tongue begin fucking him, the way eased by the steady stream of water pouring down his body. 

"Oh Marcus," Andy said, and without realizing what he was doing, reached an arm around to push Marcus' face more firmly into his ass. Marcus chuckled and Andy felt the vibrations in his ass, causing him to push his ass further onto Marcus' face. 

Andy was melting. After the workout and then full body massage, now having his ass expertly eaten, he was going to melt into a puddle and get washed down the drain. Andy actually didn't mind so much, he figured there were worse ways to go.  

Marcus gave his ass cheeks one final squeeze before kissing his way up Andy's spine then licking at the drops of water running down Andy's neck. Andy let himself get pulled back into Marcus' chest and wiggled his hips when he felt Marcus' thick cock slip in between his ass cheeks. 

"Mm... Marcus," Andy moaned at the feeling of Marcus' cock rubbing against his ass hole. 

"Oh god, doe eyes, I'd love to," Marcus murmured into Andy's ear, his hands seeking out Andy's nipples to give him a quick pinch. The slight pain caused Andy to arch back into Marcus. 

"Please, Marcus." 

"Can't, baby," Marcus said between kisses. "We don't have condoms in here." 

Andy groaned in protest and started wiggling all the more to get as much friction as he could. 

"But I have another idea." 

Marcus turned Andy around until they were pressed together, chest to thigh. Marcus squeezed another dollop of body wash onto his palm and reached in between their bodies to take their hard leaking cocks in one hand. 

The feeling of Marcus' hard steel against his own sent shudders through Andy's body and he clutched at Marcus to keep from falling to the floor. Marcus manoeuvred them until he had Andy pinned up against the wall and Andy pulled Marcus tightly against him. 

Marcus began stroking their cocks together, rubbing them against each other until each breath Andy took was a gasp. He couldn't help but thrust up into Marcus' fist, picking up speed as he felt the wave of pleasure rising in his gut. Andy pulled Marcus close for a kiss, tasting himself on Marcus' tongue. Andy sucked on Marcus' tongue, knowing where it had been just moments ago, it drove him crazy and he wanted more. 

He was so close when Marcus gave their cocks a tight squeeze, pushing Andy over the edge. His cock erupted, spewing rope after rope of cum in between their bodies. Andy felt Marcus growl deep in his chest and moments later, he too erupted spraying his own load over their bodies. 

Andy heaved, trying to catch his breath in the steamy shower. He ran a hand through Marcus' curls, pushing them back from his face. There was something he wanted to say, something that was at the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. It couldn't be true, he told himself, yet the urge to say the words was right there. 

Instead, he tried to say it with his eyes, gazing into Marcus' beautiful face, he let everything he couldn't say show in his eyes. Marcus took a sharp breath and shakily let it out. 

"Oh doe eyes," Marcus whispered, leaning his forehead against Andy's. "What am I going to do with you?" 

Andy smiled and planted a quick kiss on Marcus' lips. Marcus hadn't said the words either, but somehow Andy felt it. The realization sent his heart soaring, he'd never felt this light before. 

"I don't think we can shower together anymore," Marcus said with a smirk. 

"Why?" 

"Because it's too distracting, that's why," Marcus laughed. 

Andy let himself be pushed under the spray again and reached for the body wash to wash away the remnants of their pleasure. Then he pulled Marcus under the water with him for quick peck on the lips before letting Marcus rinse off. 

Andy wrapped his towel around his waist and followed Marcus back out to the lockers where he immediately froze. There were other people there. Other men in the shower area and men changing by their lockers. Men who must have heard the moaning and groaning between him and Marcus. Andy felt a wave of panic rise in his chest as he hung his head in shame. 

Andy felt the weight of their eyes staring at him, eyes that judged him for carrying out such disgraceful acts, in public no less. Andy's hands shook as he tried to undo the lock to his locker. 

"You okay?" Marcus asked. 

Andy looked up, caught between the panic in his chest and the sight of Marcus, dripping wet in only a towel. 

"You're shaking," Marcus said. 

Andy looked down at his hands, clasping them together to stop the shaking. 

"Hey," Marcus put one hand over Andy's hands and the other under Andy's chin to lift his head. "Are you okay? What's wrong?" 

"No- nothing," Andy stole a quick glance around to see if anyone was within ear shot. 

Marcus caught the movement, though. "Are you worried about the other guys in here? That they heard us?" 

Andy swallowed thickly and nodded. 

"Don't worry," Marcus smiled. "No one cares. Actually, most people here are gay. And besides, I'm sure that's not the first time they've heard people... Do more than shower in there." 

Andy flushed at Marcus' suggestion, wondering just how often people were doing more than showering. "Have you done that before? I mean, before today." 

The words came out before Andy could stop them. He knew it sounded possessive and he felt the coldness in the pit of his stomach as he realized that that probably wasn't Marcus' first trip through the showers. 

Marcus frown, a deep crease between his eyebrows and his lips firmly set. "Yes, I have." He looked like he wanted to say more, but when he didn't continue, Andy nodded. 

Andy might have been a virgin before he met Marcus, but he knew Marcus hadn't been. Far from it. So why did he feel so upset that Marcus had sexual experiences with other men before they'd met? It was irrational and frankly Andy didn't have any more of a claim on Marcus now then he had before. So why did the realization bother him so much? 

"Hey," Marcus tilted Andy's head up again. "That was the past. There's no one else now." 

Andy stared into Marcus' dark eyes and knew that was the truth. But he couldn't help the wave of guilt that washed over him anyway. He wasn't dating Marcus, he couldn't be. He wasn't gay, he was a priest. So he had no right to ask Marcus not to see anyone else, not to sleep with anyone else. The thought made his stomach twist and he suddenly felt like he was going to be sick. 

The feeling lingered over Andy as they left the gym and headed toward Hudson River Park. The entire walk over, Marcus kept up a light chatter and Andy forced himself to respond at the appropriate times. But inside, Andy was battling with himself, arguing with a little voice in his head that told him that he was sinful, dirty, and a fool. 

All those men know your dirty little secret, the little voice taunted in Andy's head. You're being such a fool, thinking that you can keep Marcus for yourself. You don't deserve him, you're a priest. At this rate, you don't deserve to be a priest either. You're not worthy. 

By the time they reached the water, Andy was shaking again. They paused at the railing overlooking the Hudson River, the late evening sun sinking over the New Jersey skyline. Andy took a deep breath of the salty air and held it in his lungs before letting it out slowly. His gripped the handrail, willing himself to stop shaking. 

"Feel better now?" Marcus asked. 

Andy glanced at Marcus and gave him a sheepish smile. 

"You want to tell me what was bothering you?" 

Andy hesitated—he wanted to tell Marcus, felt compelled to share everything with Marcus, but he had no idea what to say. How exactly was he supposed to explain the jumble of thoughts in his head? How was he supposed to explain when he barely understood himself? 

Andy swallowed thickly and tried unsuccessfully to look like he was fine. 

Marcus frowned at him and led them along the water's edge to an empty bench set back from the path. Andy sat down next to Marcus, leaving a small gap in between them. Andy wanted more than anything to scoot over and press his thigh against Marcus', he wanted to reach over and hold Marcus' hand in his own. But the little voice prevailed: you can't hold his hand, it's not yours to hold. Only gay guys hold hands with each other, you can't be gay, you're a priest. 




Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 04



Andy looked up across the water glimmering with the setting sun. Look at all the people around, they'll see you holding hands. You're not fooling any of them, they'll know what a hypocrite you are, they'll know how weak you are, desiring something you have no right to have. 

Andy stood up suddenly, the voice in his head drowning out all other thoughts. 

"Andy?" 

"Sorry, I..." Andy pace around in a circle, trying to shake the voice off. "I just..." 

"Hey," Marcus stood in front of Andy, blocking his path. Marcus' hands came up and braced Andy by the shoulders. "Talk to me, what's going on?" 

Andy looked into Marcus' eyes and saw concern and care, which only added to his guilt. He didn't deserve the patience that Marcus had with him. 

"I don't know where to start." 

A little crease developed on Marcus' brow, Andy itched to smooth it with his thumb, but restrained himself. 

"Start wherever," Marcus said. "We'll get through it all." 

Andy's throat constricted at the sweetness he heard in Marcus' voice. It wasn't fair, none of this was fair. Not fair to Marcus who deserved someone who could give himself freely. It wasn't fair to Andy who never wanted to have these feelings in the first place. 

"Have you..." Andy wasn't even sure he wanted the answer. He wasn't sure he had a right to the answer. And yet, the question weighed on him. "...slept with a lot of men?" 

Marcus sighed, his hands dropped from Andy's shoulder, "Yes." 

"Do you know how many?" Andy could feel a flush spread across his cheeks at the question. He eyes dropped to the ground. 

"Um..." Marcus stuffed his hands into his pockets and shifted from foot to foot. "Does it sound bad if I said no?" 

Andy didn't respond. It did sound bad. See? He can have anyone he wants, why would he want you? Your life is a disaster, a priest having feelings he shouldn't be feeling. Why would he want to deal with all your problems? 

Andy felt ice cubes forming in his stomach. 

"Andy?" Marcus' hand came back up to Andy's shoulder. "Hey, listen. That was all before." 

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. It's silly," Andy managed a wry smile, but didn't feel any better. 

He stepped back, out of Marcus' reach and pace a circle around the bench. His stomach was in knots, his head felt like exploding, and he struggled just to breathe through the rising anxiety. 

"Is that what's bothering you?" Marcus asked. 

Andy sighed, shoulders slumped, arms wrapped tightly around himself. 

"Why me?" Andy echoed a question Marcus had asked the first night they were together. "Why do you care about me? It's not like I have anything to offer you, so why... do you care?" 

Marcus took a deep breath and stared off into the distance, gazing at the sunlight reflecting off the waves. 

"You know what? I'm not really sure I know," Marcus chuckled. He paused, a frown marring his handsome features. "You're... beautiful." 

Marcus turned to Andy, "Your... soul is beautiful. And you don't seem to see it, but it... radiates off you." 

Andy felt his cheeks heat in a flush. He knew he wasn't beautiful, he was too messed up inside to be beautiful. But the look in Marcus' eyes as he spoke took Andy's breath away. And suddenly, just like that, the voice in Andy's head diminished, his stomach settled and Andy felt himself get caught up in the aura of peace that Marcus offered. 

Andy swallowed, feeling the anxiety ease. His worries were still there, the little voice hadn't disappeared completely. But just the right word from Marcus made all those issues seem manageable. Just the right look from Marcus helped Andy put all those burdens aside and embrace peace. 

"Can I ask you a question?" Marcus asked. 

Andy nodded, finally able to offer a genuine smile. 

Marcus sat back down on the bench, gazing up at Andy. 

"Why did you go to the night club that first night?" 

Andy frowned. "Um... well, you know why." He felt his face burn in embarrassment. 

"Yeah, but I mean. Why that night? Why not in college like everyone else, when you're supposed to be experimenting?" Marcus clarified. 

Now it was Andy's turn to shift awkwardly from foot to foot. 

Andy shrugged, "I went to a small Catholic college in small town, USA. Everyone knows everyone and they kept pretty close tabs on all of us." 

Andy scuffed his shoe against the ground, "There was a little fooling around, stolen kisses and hand-groping-stuff." Andy's face was bright red now. 

"But nothing like... you know." 

"And after college?" Marcus was smiling. 

"I moved back to my hometown. I was assigned to the parish in my town, and then I literally knew every single person in town. There was no escape." Andy took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "Until I got reassigned to New York, that is. I actually didn't want to come." 

"No?" 

"No, I knew there'd be too much temptation. Too many opportunities to indulge something I'd tried so hard to ignore my whole life." 

Andy glanced up when Marcus didn't respond right away. Marcus was staring out into the distance. His jaw was set and a frown across his brow. 

There was so much that was beautiful and precious between them, Andy couldn't deny that. And there was nothing Andy wanted more than to claim all of that for himself. But how long would this last? How long could Andy keep up this facade? How long before everything came falling down around him? Andy knew that sooner or later he'd have to make a choice—stay true to his faith and everything he knew to be right, or follow these forbidden feelings down an unknown path. 

"Do you regret coming to New York?" Marcus asked in a whisper between clenched teeth. 

Andy opened his mouth to answer, but no words came out. No, he didn't regret coming because it was in New York that he met Marcus, discovered love, experienced peace. But yes, a part of him did regret coming, because if he had never met Marcus it wouldn't be so difficult to stay true to the Catholic Church. 

"I don't regret meeting you," Andy whispered back. 

Marcus turned to look at Andy and Andy could see pain in Marcus' eyes. It made his heart constrict; it just wasn't fair. 

"We should go," Marcus said, standing abruptly. "We have a reservation at 8." 

Andy followed more slowly, hesitant about whether dinner was a good idea at this point. 

Marcus took one glance at Andy standing there uncertain and then rolled his eyes. "Come on, you have to eat. Besides, the restaurant is on the way home for you." 

Marcus took off at a brisk pace, leaving Andy to catch up with him. They were silent as they made their way to the restaurant. It was a heavy silence, filled with words that hadn't been spoken between the two men. The impossibility of their position was clear to both of them; going backwards wasn't an option anymore, but neither of them knew the way forward. 

Marcus had made a reservation at a cute little Italian restaurant, hidden away on a residential street. They were seated in a corner, squeezed in tightly so that their knees bumped against each other under the table. The lighting was dim, with flickering candles and a single red rose on every table. Under other circumstances, Andy would have considered this romantic. Under current circumstances, it felt slightly claustrophobic. 

Marcus leaned in close over the table, the candlelight dancing across the planes of his handsome face. 

"Look," Marcus sighed, putting a reassuring hand over Andy's. "I know we come from really different backgrounds. But let's just put all that aside for a few hours and enjoy dinner, okay?" 

Andy looked down at where their hands touched. He desperately wanted to agree with Marcus, wanted to forget about everything that wouldn't work between them and just enjoy sharing a meal with this beautiful man. He could at least owe Marcus that much, just a simple meal without his problems bearing down on them. 

Andy tired to smile at Marcus, but feared that he wasn't fooling either of them. When the waitress approached their table, Andy instinctively pulled his hand out from under Marcus' and folded it in his lap, rubbing the skin that Marcus had just been caressing. 

The waitress gave them a sweet smile and rattled through the specials before leaving them to peruse the menu. "You boys take your time," she said before walking away, a twinkle in her eye. 

Andy swallowed thickly and tried his best to ignore that little voice, rearing its ugly head. She thinks you're on a date; two men on a date, so sinful, you should be ashamed. 

"I hope this place is good. It got good reviews on Yelp, but I've never been before, so I'm not liable if it's bad." Marcus joked, obviously trying to lighten the mood. 

Andy nodded silently and murmured something reassuring about the quality of the food. Andy did his best to concentrate on the meal, to focus on the conversation with Marcus. But he felt himself get distracted several times by the waitress who stopped by to check in on them, by the other diners that filled the restaurant. They're all staring at you, you know. They're judging you. They know what a dirty, sinful person you are. 

By the time the meal was over and the waitress brought over the check, Andy was exhausted and desperate to get out of the suffocating restaurant. Marcus reached for the check just as Andy was pulling out his wallet. 

"Don't worry about it," Marcus said. "I've got this." 

"Marcus, no. Let's me pay." 

"I invited you out, I should pay," Marcus argued. 

"No, that's not necessary," said Andy. "At least let me pay my half." 

Andy wasn't sure if Marcus would agree, if the scowl on his face was any indication. But when Marcus finally relented, Andy wondered why he felt so guilty. Suddenly he wanted to take back his offer to pay half, but the waitress was already taking their cards away. 

Andy took a deep breath when they were finally out of the confined space and back on the sidewalk. 

"You're not okay, are you?" Marcus asked. He didn't sound angry, he sounded sad. Andy almost wished Marcus was angry, it would have been easier to deal with than a sad Marcus. Andy hated the way Marcus' shoulders were slumped in defeat, as if unable to fight any longer. 

"Marcus, I... I'm sorry." 

Marcus was waiting for an explanation, but Andy didn't have one for him. Being with Marcus made Andy feel good, yes, that was true. But the minute he stepped away from Marcus, the minute he stepped back into the real world, things just got so much more complicated. Andy didn't know how to reconcile the truths that he had been taught to believe his entire life with this new... whatever it was, he had with Marcus. He didn't understand it, how could he expect Marcus to? 

Andy felt a vice grip around his chest, and suddenly he felt like he was back in the suffocating restaurant. He didn't want to hurt Marcus, that was the last thing in the world he wanted to do. But Andy just didn't see a way around it, and it broke his heart. 

"I should go," Andy said, barely louder than a whisper. He wasn't prepared for the look of pain in Marcus' dark eyes. It twisted the vice even tighter around his chest. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." 

"I'll walk you home," Marcus offered. 

"No-" Andy said just a little too quickly, hands coming up to keep Marcus back. He immediately regretted it. "I just need some time to think." 

Marcus didn't move, but Andy saw the shutters fall over his smouldering eyes. Marcus' mouth narrowed into a thin line and Andy saw him withdraw into a protective shell. Andy hated it, but he didn't know how to undo it. 

"Besides, it's in the opposite direction," Andy tried to justify himself. "You have to work tomorrow and I don't want you getting home too late." 

It was lame, Andy knew, but Stephen was right. Marcus deserved more than this, and Andy couldn't give it to him. He just couldn't. 

"Fine," Marcus said, voice even if slightly strained. "Good night." 

***** 

Andy ran his hands over the worn black leather of the thick tome sitting on his lap. The words in here were sacred and holy; they were prayers that he had prayed everyday of his life. During the past several months, though, Andy knew he had been praying them in a state of sin and with an unclean heart. The prayers were tainted by his inability to resist temptation; he had blasphemed the sanctity of the prayers. 

The gravity of what he'd done weighed heavily on Andy's shoulders. He'd made a mockery of the priestly calling, he'd dishonored the most holy vow he made, and he'd betrayed the trust of the people he was serving. He really had no right to be praying from the tome when he still lived under the stain of sin. 

Andy opened the Liturgy of the Hours randomly and flipped through the pages, reading snippets of the text as he went. Words of praise, confession, and petition jumped out at him, each one a tiny knife striking deep in his heart. For so much of his life, these words framed how he understood himself and his place in the world. All of it had been turned on its head in just a few short months with Marcus. 

Andy flipped to that day's prayers and started reading. The words felt foreign, like they were someone else's words being stuffed into his mouth. He felt like he was going to choke on them and felt a wave of nausea rise from his stomach. Andy squeezed his eyes shut tightly, waiting for the feeling to pass. When his stomach settled, he opened his eyes again and gazed at the words on the page. The more he stared at them, the less they made sense. 

In frustration, Andy closed the book and fell to his knees. He wanted to yell and scream, to release the heaviness the enveloped him. Instead, he struggled just to breathe. Look up. The little voice spoke in his head. 

Andy looked up at the crucifix hanging on the wall where the Christ gazed back down on him. Andy's eyes lingered on the nails that were driven through the hands and the feet of the Son of God, he took in the crown of thorns on His head. Jesus Christ had a hard life, He faced temptations and overcame them, and He made sacrifices. You made a vow to do the same, but where are you now? 

The words rang in Andy's ears. It's true, he did make a vow. No one ever said it was going to be easy, and he had never expected it to be easy. So what excuse did he have really to be looking for a way out now? There was no excuse. 

Andy reached for the tome and opened it again to the day's prayers. His fingers hovered over the words, determined to get through the prayers. As he began to pray, Andy let the words sink into his heart, let the power of the words have their effect on his soul. By the time he was finished, he knew what he had to do. It wasn't going to be easy, but it was proper. He just wished he didn't feel so dead inside. 

***** 

It had been three days. Three days since Andy freaked out on him. Since then, they had exchanged a couple of texts, just simple hello's and how are you's and I'm fine's. They didn't talk about what was wrong, but Marcus had a pretty good idea. It was his own fault really, ignoring all the warnings from his mom and Stephen. Andy was deep in the closet, he was a fool to think he'd be the one to bring Andy out. 

The more he thought about it, the more pissed off it made him. He was angry at Andy for being a coward, for refusing to be honest with himself and with the world. Marcus was angry at himself for falling for Andy when he knew it would end disastrously. 

Was it really over? The thought sent a sharp stabbing pain through the middle of Marcus' chest. He couldn't breathe, it was so painful. No, he didn't want it to be over, every fiber of his being screamed against the idea that it was over. It couldn't be over. 

"Marcus!" 

Marcus turned at the sound of his name to find all the kids staring at him with puzzled and amused looks on their faces. 

"What?" 

"We called your name, like, a million times and you've just been staring out into space. And you broke your pencil," said Ryan. 

Marcus glanced down at the broken pencil in his hand. He had forgotten he was even holding it. 

"Oh, sorry," he shook his head to clear them of thoughts of Andy. He needed to focus on the kids now, not Andy, Andy would have to wait. "What did you need?" 

"Um..." Nick started, looking uncertain. He shared a quick glance with the other kids before continuing. "Nothing, we just don't know what to do next." 

He pointed to the long poster taped on the wall that he and the other kids had been working on. Marcus had been helping them design a banner to go on the Center's float for the gay pride parade. 

"Oh right," Marcus pushed thoughts of Andy out of his head and tried his best to focus on the kids. 

But try as he might, those big brown doe eyes kept creeping back in. All week, he had been distracted at work, making simple mistakes until a colleague had stopped him at lunch to ask if something was wrong. And now the kids were whispering among themselves. Marcus noticed the furtive glances and confused shrugs. 

Marcus kept up a happy demeanour as much as he could and by the end of the evening, as the kids were cleaning up the art supplies, he was exhausted. 

"Hey, Marcus," Nick came up as he slung a backpack over his shoulder. 

"Yeah?" 

"You okay?" Nick asked with a frown. "You seem kinda off." 

Marcus smiled, putting on a brave face. "Yeah, everything's fine." 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah," Marcus ruffled Nick's hair before the teen could duck out of the way. "Sometimes life's shit and you've gotta deal with it." 

"Does it have to do with that guy? Andy?" 

Marcus' chest constricted at the mention of Andy's name. He swallowed thickly and tried to smile, but could tell that it came out strained. 

"That's what I thought," Nick said. 

"Look, Nick. These types of things can be complicated." 

"Yeah, I get it," Nick shrugged. "I just thought you should know that he's been creeping out in the hallway for a while now." 

"What?" Marcus spun around to face the door, but didn't see anyone. 

"Yeah, he's still out there. I almost ran into him when I went to the bathroom. Asked him to come in but he said he'd rather wait out there." 

Marcus didn't know what to say. Andy hadn't mentioned anything about coming to the youth night and given the lack of communication all week, Marcus had assumed he'd be a no show. 

"So yeah, anyway, you're gonna be okay, right?" 

"Yeah," Marcus smiled at the teen and pulled him into a quick hug. "Thanks for the heads up." 

"Yeah, no problem. See you next week." 

Marcus waited until all the kids had left and everything was cleaned up before venturing out into the hall. His heart was pounding, nerves on edge, unsure what kind of reception he'd get from Andy. Why had he come? Why was he waiting outside? Was he even there still? 

Marcus was half hopeful and half terrified that Andy was still there. If Andy wanted to end whatever it was they had between them, Marcus knew he'd be in trouble. He had always known he was placing his heart on the line by pursuing this thing with Andy, but that didn't make it any easier. 

Steeling himself, Marcus headed out and sure enough, Andy was there, leaning against the wall, just around the corner. Marcus stopped and stared. There really wasn't anything special about Andy's looks, he wasn't the hottest guy or the cutest guy that Marcus had been with. But there was just something about that thick mop of hair and the big brown eyes that stole Marcus' breath away. 

He couldn't speak for a moment, just taking in the beauty that was Andy. He wanted to pull the man into his arms and never let go. He knew things would never be that simple, but why did it have to be so hard. 

"I'm sorry for just showing up like this," Andy said, uncertainty tingeing his voice. 




Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 04



"Why didn't you come in?" 

Andy shrugged, "Um... I didn't think it was appropriate." 

Marcus knew what he meant. He didn't want to interact with the kids in case they thought he was gay. The thought hurt, that Andy was still in denial about his sexuality. It touched that part of Marcus that was furious at all the homophobic garbage that Andy had been fed. All that religious bullshit that was ruining the life of the man he loved. 

Yes, he loved Andy. He could admit that to himself. He loved this closeted priest who was confused and in pain. And there was nothing Marcus could do to ease his pain. Andy wouldn't let him. It was unfair and irrational and made Marcus angry as hell. Yes, he was angry and he tapped into that anger, letting it bubble to the surface. Anger was better than pain, safer than pain, hurt less than pain. 

"So what are you doing here?" Marcus heard the hard edge in his words. He regretted them immediately after they left his mouth. The way Andy started at the words tore at Marcus' heart, but he told himself he was angry and he had a right to stay angry. 

"Um, I... need to talk to you." Andy swallowed, drawing Marcus' attention to his thick neck and bobbing Adam's apple. Marcus hated how he noticed how sexy that neck was at a time like this. 

"About what?" 

"About, um..." Andy's voice trailed off. 

Marcus frowned, he wasn't sure he liked where this was going. Andy looked restless, shifting from foot to foot, tension evident in his posture. Marcus could see a battle going in Andy's eyes, a struggle to resist the tangible draw they both felt whenever in close proximity. Marcus studied Andy's eyes and saw the battle being won by a longing, an inexplicable need, a restlessness that came from being away from the person you loved for too long. Marcus recognized it because it was the same look that greeted him every time he looked in the mirror. 

Andy let out a ragged sigh, and Marcus felt the sound tear through his own body, exposing the same need he saw in Andy's eyes. Marcus took two steps to close the distance between them and raised a hand to lift Andy's eyes to his own. There was love there, he could see it. He hoped Andy could see the love in his own eyes. 

If they loved each other, they could make things work, right? They had to make it work. Love didn't come around everyday, they had to cherish it when they found it. 

Marcus leaned in for a gentle kiss, just a lingering brush of lips. The simple touch broke the tension between them and with a sob Andy pressed himself closer to Marcus, lips meeting in a more intentional kiss. 

Marcus growled low in his chest. Yes, this was what he missed, the feeling of Andy in his arms, lips underneath his own, tongues rubbing seductively against each other. Marcus breathed deep the woodsy scent of Andy, letting it fill his senses and imprint on his consciousness. He felt whole; Andy filled that empty space inside of him that he had always been trying to fill. 

This was the one, the man Marcus wanted to build a life with, to share the joys and the struggles. This was the man that he wanted to grow old and wrinkled with. In that moment, holding Andy in his arms, he knew. 

Marcus wasn't quite sure how they made it back to his apartment. No words were exchanged, just fast walking, hand in hand, both eager to consummate the feeling that was overwhelming them both. 

Marcus slowly unbuttoned Andy's shirt, kissing and licking every inch of exposed skin, savoring the taste of Andy, freshly showered and smelling like a mountain forest. Marcus lapped at an exposed nipple, causing Andy to gasp and grasp at Marcus' head. Marcus worshipped that nipple, teasing it with his teeth, soothing it with his tongue until Andy was shaking with need. 

"Please, Marcus," came Andy's whispered plea. 

But Marcus was in no hurry tonight. He wanted to enjoy this slow love making with Andy, to remember every moment of it, let it seep into every pore of his body. He moved to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment, drawing swirling patterns over the sensitive skin. 

Andy began tugging at Marcus' t-shirt, pulling it up his back. Obliging, Marcus stood up straight to lift the shirt off his body, then kneeled in front of Andy and went to work on his pants. As Andy's pants and briefs pooled around his ankles, Marcus sat back on his heels to admire the beautiful view. Andy's cock was standing up proud, a pearly bead of pre-cum forming at the tip. 

The sight caused Marcus' own cock to thicken in his jeans, but he ignored it to focus his attention on Andy. Marcus leaned forward and licked the bead of pre-cum off and groaned as Andy's flavor exploded on his tongue. Marcus licked Andy's cock from the base to the tip before taking the bulging head into his mouth, bathing it with his tongue. 

Andy was the perfect length, the perfect thickness, he sat right in Marcus' mouth, just large enough to feel full but not too much to be suffocated. Marcus was sure he could suck on that cock for the rest of his life and never want to take it out of his mouth. 

Slowly, he inched his way down Andy's cock, using his tongue to lick and lap at the vein-y underside. He groaned when the head of Andy's cock hit the back of his throat. The vibrations made Andy jump and Marcus used the opportunity to swallow and slip Andy's length into his throat. 

"Ahh..." Andy was coming apart above him, fingers buried in Marcus' hair, knees shaking with the effort to remain standing. 

Marcus bobbed up and down, lapping up more pre-cum on every upstroke and relishing the feeling of Andy slipping into his throat on every downstroke. He could stay that way forever, filling his senses with Andy's essence. 

"Marcus, please. You're going to make me cum." Andy tugged at Marcus' hair to get him off his cock. 

Normally, this would only encourage Marcus to suck harder, eager to drink Andy's seed. But tonight they needed something different. Marcus pulled off and pushed Andy gently onto the bed. Shucking Andy's pants from around his ankles, Marcus pushed Andy's legs up and dove into that precious pink entrance to Andy's body. 

Marcus groaned at the taste of Andy, his tongue lapping and probing at the delicate skin of Andy's asshole. Andy was a drug and Marcus' head was spinning from the most enthralling high. He probed with his tongue, seeking entrance into Andy's body, groaning again when Andy's hole relaxed to let him in. 

"Marcus, please. I can't wait any longer," Andy tugged at Marcus, dragging him up for a sloppy wet kiss. "Please, I need you inside me." 

"Anything for you, doe eyes." Marcus slid off the bed to throw off his clothes and grab a condom, all the while taking in the sight of Andy laying there, waiting for him with heavy lidded eyes. 

This was it, the man he'd been waiting for his whole life. The thought flitted through Marcus' head, and overwhelmed him with its truth. He had no idea whether they would be able to work out their differences, but Marcus knew that he loved Andy with all his being and that he would never be able to feel that way about anyone else for the rest of his days. 

Marcus settled himself between Andy's thighs and felt Andy's arms and legs wrap around him. He looked down into Andy's eyes, those beautiful brown eyes that revealed the depths of his soul. Marcus could read in there the intensity of emotion that he felt running through his own veins. 

Andy leaned up and captured Marcus' lips with his own. Marcus let himself be captured, pressing Andy into the bed until not one molecule of air could get in between them. Andy shifted underneath him so that Marcus' cock slipped between his ass cheeks. Marcus bucked in response, feeling the head of his cock rub against Andy's hole. 

Andy whimpered into their kiss, his hands reaching down to grab Marcus' ass. That was all the encouragement Marcus needed. He reached down with his hand to guide his cock into Andy's body. It met with some resistance at first, but with a little prodding, he felt Andy's body give way. 

Oh god, he loved Andy's body. He was so hot and tight and when his sphincter closed around the head of Marcus' cock, Marcus always had to pause and breathe for fear of blowing his load right away. When he felt the urge fade, Marcus worked his way in, short little strokes until he was buried as deep as he could go inside Andy's body. 

"Oh god, doe eyes," Marcus buried his face into the crook of Andy's neck, inhaling the clean scent that was uniquely Andy, holding himself deep inside the man he loved. He was losing himself inside Andy, in more ways than one, and there seemed to be no way to stop it. He was completely at the mercy of this man, vulnerable to whatever Andy decided about the future. And as much as Marcus knew it wasn't the prudent thing to do, he hoped against all hope that Andy would choose him. 

"Marcus," Andy's voice drifted through the air, laced with the same need and desperation that Marcus felt. 

Marcus started moving slowly, pulling out until the head of his cock bumped against Andy's inner sphincter. Then he reversed directions and pushed himself in at an excruciatingly slow pace. Marcus felt Andy sigh into the slow love making, tilting his hips to give Marcus a better angle. 

Andy's lips found Marcus' and their tongues danced an equally slow dance, neither man wanting to rush the tender memory they were creating. Marcus trailed kisses down Andy's neck and along his collarbone, nipping and licking at the delicate skin. He reveled in the heat that simmered between them, building slowly but steadily until they were both covered in a sheen of sweat. 

On the next in stroke, Andy bucked his hips and Marcus hit his prostrate. A shudder ran through Andy's body as he clamped down on Marcus' cock. It caused Marcus to grunt and bite gently at the skin against his lips. Andy's fingers found their way into Marcus' hair and pulled him back up for a deep soul rending kiss. 

"Oh, Andy," Marcus whispered against his lips when they finally broke off to breathe. 

"Marcus," Andy whispered back, with just as much reverence. 

Marcus looked down at the man he loved, his face blurry from being too close, but beautiful just the same. Unable to resist much longer, Marcus picked up his speed, pulling out almost all the way and letting himself sink into Andy's heat. Andy matched his speed, tilting up to meet him half way. 

The simmer built, the heat increased until it threatened to consume them both. Neither minded, rather surrendering themselves to that intangible thing between them, that thing that touched both of their souls and had changed both men forever. 

Faster and faster Marcus moved, building the fire burning between them. He reached one hand between their bodies to grasp Andy's cock. It was hard and weeping, wet with pre-cum and their shared sweat. 

"Oh, Marcus," Andy gasped. "I'm so close." 

"So am I, Doe eyes, so am I. Come with me." 

Marcus pumped his hand in time with his hips, speeding up as he felt Andy tense underneath him. His own orgasm was right there, threatening to explode as they both rushed toward the end. 

"Marcus," Andy whispered one last time as he bucked and shot stream after stream of cum between their bodies. The clenching of his ass around Marcus' cock triggered his own orgasm as he plunged himself deep inside the man he loved and filled the condom with a never ending stream of cum. 

Marcus collapsed on top of Andy, too spent to roll off. Andy didn't seem to mind though, from the way his arms wrapped tightly around Marcus' body. 

"I'm sorry," Andy whispered, still holding Marcus close. 

As he came around, Marcus rolled himself off of Andy and tossed the condom before scooping the other man back into his arms. 

Marcus sighed before answering, "It's okay." 

"No, it's not okay," Andy's voice was small and quiet as he leaned his head on Marcus' shoulder. 

"Why isn't it okay?" 

"Because... Because I can't give you what you want, what you deserve." 

Marcus frowned, not liking the direction of the conversation, especially after the lovemaking they had just shared. 

"And how do you know what I want, or what I deserve for that matter?" 

"I have a pretty good idea. And I can't give you that. I can't be the man you need me to be." Andy pushed himself up to sitting, still touching Marcus but not looking him in the eye. 

"I'm a priest. It's my calling. It comes before everything else. I know there's something between us, I can't deny that. But my priesthood is more important and sacrifices are a necessary, even expected, part of that calling." 

"That's bullshit," Marcus sat up, preoccupied with his rage against the Catholic Church that he didn't notice Andy recoil. 

"There's something seriously fucked up about a religion that forces you to lie about who you are. Isn't God's creation perfect? Well, God created you, which means you're perfect just the way you are." 

"God's creation was perfect. It's been corrupted by the evil one. We all have been corrupted by the evil one." Andy's response sounded rout as he shrank away from an angry Marcus. 

"So what? You're supposed to spend the rest of your life flogging yourself, hoping that you can beat the gay out of yourself?" 

"You don't understand." 

"Damn right, I don't understand." Marcus scooted closer to Andy, using a finger on the chin to raise Andy's eyes to his own. "What we did just now. That wasn't just sex, it wasn't just some physical release. I know you felt it, I felt it, too. That was... Special... It's... Love." Marcus' voice trailed off as he opened himself to the ultimate rejection. 

He watched Andy's eyes as the other man struggled through the myriad emotions rushing through his system. Marcus saw the joy that lit Andy's eyes at his confession of love, then fear and panic and, finally,2 confusion. 

"Come on, Andy. Don't tell me you can deny it. I know you felt it." 

Marcus wanted to smooth out the frown creasing Andy's brow and roll back time a few minutes so they could stay in that post-coital bliss forever. But instead, he felt a rising panic in his chest as he realized that Andy was not choosing him. 

"No, Andy, please." Marcus grabbed Andy's face and pressed their foreheads together. He wasn't ready to let Andy go, couldn't just let Andy walk out of his life. Andy sniffled and as Marcus raised his head, he realized that tears were rolling down Andy's face. 

"Doe eyes, don't cry," Marcus pulled Andy close, cradling Andy's head against his shoulder and held him. Marcus tried to memorize every detail of the moment, the heat of Andy's body, the smoothness of his skin, the way they always seemed to fit together. 

"You're not wrong," Andy's voice was little more than a whisper. 

Marcus couldn't help how his body tensed at Andy's admission, waiting for the "but." 

"I never thought I could feel this way about someone. Never thought I could lose my heart and soul to someone else." Andy pulled back from Marcus' embrace and looked up at Marcus with swollen red eyes. "But this peace I feel when I'm with you? I'm supposed to find that in God." 

Marcus rolled his eyes, a retort at the tip of his tongue. But Andy stopped him with a finger pressed to Marcus' lips. 

"I know you don't understand. Maybe it doesn't make sense with the logic of this world. But it's a theological truth and I have an obligation to at least give it a decent shot." 

"Isn't that what you've been trying to do for the past 10 years?" The thread of resentment that laced Marcus' words wasn't lost on Andy as he set his jaw against the tone. 

"There's no expiry date on the faith journey. Yeah, maybe I've been trying to find it for 10 years, even if it takes me 10 more, it doesn't mean I should just give up." 

"But you have found it, you said so yourself. Just because it's not in the church, it's not valid?" 

Andy shook his head in denial. "It's not the same thing." 

"Bullshit, it's not the same thing. This whole thing is bullshit, and I think you know it, too. You're just too chicken shit to admit it." Marcus realized his mistake the second the words came out of his mouth. 

But it was too late, Andy was already scrambling off the bed and grabbing his clothes from the floor. 

"Wait, Andy. I'm sorry. That's not what I meant. Please just stay, we'll work it out." Marcus followed Andy off the bed, trying to keep the other man from leaving. 

"No, Marcus. You've made it quite clear what you think about my faith. You don't understand that this is a part of who I am. I can't separate myself from my faith, I don't exist outside of my faith. If you really love me like you claim, then you'd love this part of me, too." 

"Come on Andy, don't do this. Don't just walk away from this." 

Andy paused with his hand on the doorknob. Marcus could see the man he loved debating with himself, the struggle written directly on his face. 

"Please, Andy," Marcus begged, the tightness in his chest threatening to choke him. 

Andy took a deep breath, letting it out slowly as his shoulders slumped. Marcus let himself hope for a split second that perhaps he had won, that he had convinced Andy to give them a chance. But as Andy tightened his grip on the doorknob, Marcus knew that his glimmer of hope was ill founded. 

"I'm sorry," Andy whispered. 

Marcus felt his heart physically break in half as Andy opened the door and walked out. He should have run out after Andy, he should have grabbed the man he loved and never let him go. Instead, Marcus sank onto the bed where they had just made love moments ago, the sheets still warm from their entwined bodies. 

Marcus had never been a crier, never been very expressive of his emotions. But he couldn't stop the single tear that rolled down his cheek.



Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 05



It would be an understatement to say that this story has been an emotional rollercoaster to write. Andy and Marcus are intense characters and there have been times during the writing process when I found myself too emotionally worn out by them to keep writing. I hope this last chapter doesn't move too quickly and that I have done these guys justice in telling their story. 

Thank you to everyone for leaving such encouraging comments. I've been pleasantly surprised at how many people have connected with this story. Your comments have encouraged me to push through emotional fatigue and follow Andy and Marcus' journey right to the bitter end. 

Happy Reading! 

Yours, 

HB 

Copyright © 2015 by Hudson Bartholomew. All rights reserved. This story or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. 

***** 

Stepping Out in Faith - Chapter 5 

Marcus was early to brunch. He sat in the corner with his sunglasses still on, sulking and draining his Bellini every time the waiter came by to fill it up. He felt like shit; he knew he looked like shit. Not sleeping for a couple of nights would do that to someone. But Marcus didn't really care anymore, Andy had left him. 

"You're here early," Cheryl said, as she took the other seat. "You're never early. What's wrong?" 

"Nothing," Marcus said. "I just couldn't sleep and had nothing else to do." 

Cheryl frowned at him, clearly not buying his excuse. 

"Take your sunglasses off and tell me exactly what's wrong." 

Marcus grabbed the sunglasses off his face and just barely caught himself before he threw them onto the table. He glared at the sunglasses but didn't saying anything. 

Cheryl watched Marcus chug his Bellini with a concerned frown. When he put the glass back down on the table a little too forcefully, she took it and moved it out of his reach. 

"How many of these have you had?" 

Marcus narrowed his eyes, "Why?" 

"Because you look drunk and it's still early. Are you hung over?" Cheryl clearly did not look impressed. 

Marcus rolled his eyes then stared off into the distance, unable to bring himself to look at his mother. 

"Marcus," Cheryl's voice was stern, but Marcus could detect that little twinge of fear. He hated when she sounded like that, like she was worried about him. "What is going on?" 

"Nothing," Marcus mumbled under his breath. "Andy broke it off, that's all. He's in the closet, we all knew that. And he's going to stay in the closet, we all knew that, too. I was just stupid enough to think I could change him." 

To her credit, Cheryl didn't come back with a smart retort. Instead, she waited for him to continue. The silence was deafening and Marcus couldn't stop himself from filling the void. 

"I may have come down a little harsh on Christianity and its views against gays." 

Marcus glanced at his mother and was irritated to find concern written all over her face. 

"He said his faith required sacrifice and this was his sacrifice. We were his sacrifice." 

Marcus took a deep breath as the pain of those words throbbed in the middle of his chest. 

"And I said that it was bullshit; that the whole thing was bullshit and he was just too scared to admit it. It didn't go over so well." 

Marcus shifted in his seat and held out his hand. 

"Can I have my glass back now?" 

"No, you've been drinking too much." 

"Mom!" Marcus didn't care if he sounded like a whiney teenager, he felt like a whiney teenager. 

Cheryl sighed before continuing. 

"Look, sweetheart, I know how you feel. It's infuriating what some Christians think about homosexuality. It makes the rest of us look like horrible people." 

"Exactly!" Marcus threw his hands up in the air and let them drop to the table with a thud. He ignored the curious glances from people seated beside them in the restaurant. 

"So I don't understand why he can't just see things the way you and dad see things. You've never had a problem with me being gay. So why is he so blind?" 

"Sweetheart," Cheryl reached out to grasp her son's hand in her own. "You have to put yourself in his position. It sounds like his faith is everything to him, so he's looking at things from a different perspective." 

Cheryl squeezed Marcus' hand reassuringly. 

"Your father and I never forced you to go to church once you were old enough to decide for yourself. You always had the choice to believe what you want, to explore other faiths and other ideologies and make your own choices about spirituality. But maybe Andy never had that choice, maybe all he's known is that very conservative version of Christianity and it's been so ingrained in him that he can't separate himself from it." 

Marcus didn't like what he was hearing, didn't like how much it made sense. It was easier being stubborn and angry than being accommodating and understanding. 

"You have to imagine what it would feel like to abandon everything you've ever known and ever believed about the world and your place in it," Cheryl sighed. "It must be terrifying, especially if he doesn't have the support of family behind him." 

Marcus frowned, leaning back again with his arms across his chest, "What am I supposed to do with that?" 

"I don't know," Cheryl shrugged. "I guess it depends on whether this is something worth fighting for." 

Marcus paused, not sure if he was strong enough to put himself out there again. And yet, he was terrified that he was walking away from the one true love of his life. 

"So what if I do?" he whispered, not meeting his mother's gaze. 

"Well, the first thing is to reach out to him again. It sounds like you both have a lot to talk about. But you need to be patient. Try to understand why he thinks the way he does, don't just dismiss it outright." 

Marcus wasn't sure if he liked the sound of that. But what choice did he have? 

***** 

Marcus slipped through a heavy oak door and into a dimly lit room that looked like it was built entirely out of wood. What looked like flood lights were set up on the wooden rafters above, but the room was pretty cavernous and the light wasn't making much of a dent on the darkness. 

Marcus took a seat in the back pew and then stood again when everyone else suddenly stood up. 

"The Lord be with you," said an older man dressed in fancy robes from the pulpit. 

"And also with you," intoned the 50 or so people in the crowd, startling Marcus when they all spoke in unison. 

"May almighty God bless you, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit," said the priest. 

"Amen," said the congregation again in unison. 

"Go in the peace of Christ," said the priest. 

"Thanks be to God," said the congregation. Then they all started murmuring among themselves, some gathering their things together. 

It had been a while since Marcus had attended any church services, and this was definitely the first time he had attended a Catholic mass. He had never heard people all reciting the same words together and he had to admit that he found it kind of creepy. 

He waited in his seat for the crowd to clear a little bit before he could make his way to the front. He had spotted Andy off to the side of the stage, also dressed in those fancy robes. It was a little weird, since Marcus hadn't seen Andy in any of his priestly clothing since that day at the baseball game. The sight of it brought up some pretty naughty images before Marcus scolded himself to behave—he was in church for heaven's sake. 

Marcus could feel his heart pounding in his chest, and he couldn't keep his hands from shaking. He stuffed them into his pockets, hoping that he didn't look as nervous as he felt. He really had no idea how Andy would react to him suddenly showing up like this. Andy had been pretty clear about his intensions to stay in the closet, but after numerous unanswered texts and phone calls, Marcus had been left with no other choice than to ambush him. 

Despite his nerves, Marcus could feel a silly, stupid smile threaten to spread across his face. He hadn't seen Andy since that night Andy walked out and just seeing the other man across the room was affecting Marcus a lot more than he wanted to admit. He wanted to run over and pull Andy into his arms, to smell his woodsy scent and know the rightness that came with holding him. But Marcus restrained himself and quietly approached Andy who was chatting with some grandmother, looking for the right opportunity to make himself known. 

Andy looked up from his conversation suddenly and spotted Marcus halfway down the aisle. True to form, Marcus could read each and every one of Andy's emotions as they ran across the handsome man's face. First was surprise, followed by a brief spike of happiness which was quickly replaced by shock and then panic and terror. By the time Marcus was within earshot, Andy had turned his attention back to the grandmother and was doing his best to ignore Marcus. 

Marcus' heart sank. He had hoped that Andy would be happy to see him, had harbored a flicker of hope that this was the right move. But it was clear that he was wrong. He shouldn't have come here, this was a mistake. But instead of turning and marching out, he found himself drawing closer, as if his body was being pulled toward Andy by an invisible force. 

Andy only acknowledged Marcus' presence again after the grandmother turned toward him with a welcoming smile. Andy's own smile was forced and Marcus frowned. 

"Hi," Andy jumped in quickly. "You must be new, I haven't seen you here before. I'm Father Dylan, you are?" 

Marcus froze. Of all the possible reactions he had anticipated, he had not prepared for this one. He blinked blankly a few times, his brain trying to process what was happening. Marcus glanced at the kindly looking grandmother with the sweet smile and then back at Andy whose eyes were large with panic and fear. 

Marcus stuck out his hand formally. "I'm Marcus," he said flatly. 

He saw Andy swallow with a bob of his Adam's apple before he took Marcus' hand in a handshake. Marcus gripped the familiar hand, now wet with a layer of nervous sweat and squeezed tightly. Andy swallowed again at the strength of Marcus' handshake. 

The grandmother had been chatting away, introducing herself and welcoming Marcus to the church. She commented on how nice it was to have new young people join them, but Marcus wasn't listening to any of it. All he could hear was the pounding in his ears. He dropped Andy's hand like it burned him. 

"Thank you, Mrs... Ma'am," Marcus said to the grandmother without taking his eyes off Andy. "I'm afraid I have to go. Have a nice day." 

He turned and stalked out of the church quickly, not trusting himself to stay in that place one moment longer without strangling Andy. 

Once outside in the mid-day sun, Marcus stopped to catch his breath, his mind reeling in shock. How could he have been so stupid? Andy had made himself perfectly clear. Who was he to barge into Andy's life and expect to be welcomed with open arms? God, he was so stupid. Stephen was right, this wasn't worth it. The excruciating pain that threatened to cripple him on the steps of that church was not worth it. 

The door opened behind him and Marcus turned to see Andy come out, still wearing his robes. Too angry to deal with Andy, Marcus turned on his heel and started walking fast. 

"Marcus, wait!" Andy called after him. 

Marcus ignored him and kept walking. 

"Marcus!" 

He stopped only because of Andy's hand pulling on his arm. 

"What? Now you know who I am?" Marcus strained to keep his voice down, not wanting half of the New York sidewalk to know his humiliation. 

Andy sighed, eyes pleading. "It's not like that. It's... What are you doing here?" 

Marcus laughed bitterly and looked away, not trusting himself to speak. He couldn't believe he thought it would be a good idea to come. He was so foolish to believe that he was anything more than a convenient little side fuck for the priest who couldn't keep his dick in his pants. 

"Marcus, look at me." 

Andy put a hand on Marcus' arm and squeezed familiarly. 

Marcus took a step back, moving out of arm's reach. 

"Do you really think touching me is a good idea?" He snarled at Andy. "You wouldn't want your precious parishioners to know that you're a little gay fucker who likes to moan while taking my big cock up your ass." 

Andy paled, jaw hardened, eyes filled with shock and disbelief. 

Marcus grinned coldly, maliciously. 

"Yeah, didn't think so." 

Then he turned and walked away. 

***** 

Andy stood on the sidewalk, watching Marcus walk away. Ever since he had run out on Marcus, Andy had felt like a dead man walking, his heart and soul numb with the pain of his sacrifice. But now as he watched Marcus walk off, Andy felt his heart and soul crumble with every step until he was truly empty inside. 

As Marcus turned the corner and disappeared from sight, the last of Andy's heart and soul disintegrated. He was now a shell of a man, no more joy and no more pain, just empty. Andy continued to stand there on the sidewalk, still in his vestments, staring at the last spot he'd laid eyes on Marcus. 

Was this what it felt like to sacrifice? Was this what it meant to follow his calling? Is he meant to live the rest of his life dead inside? The cost seemed too great; the burden too much to bear. If this was what it meant to live a holy life, Andy wasn't sure he wanted to keep living. 

Andy stood there on the sidewalk in a state of shock, his mind and body unable to cope with what had just happened. It wasn't until he felt a hand on his shoulder that Andy jumped and snapped out of his trance. 

"Andy?" Father Sullivan had changed already after mass. 

Andy swallowed thickly. He didn't know what to say, didn't even really know if he had anything to say. 

"Is everything okay?" Father Sullivan asked. The frown on his face told Andy that the older man already knew the answer. 

"You disappeared after mass. That was half an hour ago. Have you been standing out here the whole time?" Father Sullivan took Andy's arm and led him back inside. Andy didn't have it in him to resist. 

Thankfully, Father Sullivan led them down a worn path to the side door of the chapel, away from the people still milling around the front of the church. He didn't let go of Andy's arm until they were inside their office with the door closed. 

Andy sat down heavily in his chair, staring into space, knowing that Father Sullivan was waiting for an explanation, but he didn't have one to give. Andy blinked and shifting his gaze down to his wringing hands when Father Sullivan moved his own chair and sat down right in front of Andy. 

"It's clear to me that there is something terribly wrong, son," Father Sullivan started. "I'm not here as a priest, or even as your boss. I'm here as a friend who is concerned about your well being. There's something eating away at you from the inside. From your vantage point, you might think it's the end of the world. But trust me when I say there is nothing that is too big to work through. I've seen a lot in my years, I doubt you can shock me. So how about you tell me what's wrong?" 

Andy gazed at Father Sullivan, processing the words he heard. Under any other circumstance, Andy would resist, deny anything was wrong and try to go on as normal. But what really was normal? Andy wasn't sure he knew anymore. This double life he had been living certainly wasn't normal; a lifetime of denying who he was didn't feel normal either—at least, it didn't feel right. 

As he took in Father Sullivan's pleading eyes, Andy realized that he didn't have any fight left in him to keep denying himself. He wasn't strong enough to keep up the façade. Andy knew he had two choices: if he kept denying what he knew deep down to be true, he'd end up dead in every sense of the word, or he could finally own up to the truth. There would be consequences to confessing, there was a good chance he'd lose everything he claimed to live for. But was the other option really viable? No, he decided, it wasn't. 

Andy watched his hand move as if it belonged to another body. It reached for the drawer of his desk and pulled it open. Lying at the top of the drawer was one of the drawings that Marcus had made of him. Andy kept it at his desk to look at whenever things got too difficult to remind himself of the peace he felt with Marcus. Andy had another of the drawings tucked away in his wallet so that he'd always have a piece of Marcus with him wherever he went. 

Andy took out the drawing from the drawer and traced over the lines with his finger. He still thought Marcus had been too generous—Andy certainly was not as beautiful as the drawing. His actions today proved that, if nothing else. Andy's heart broke as he realized what he had done to the man he loved. The weight of his actions fell heavily on him and tears started streaming down his cheeks. 

Andy had spent the last weeks trying to pretend he was okay, trying to forget that little piece of paradise he'd found with Marcus. He had buried himself in work, going into overdrive at the church to prove to himself that he was still pious enough to be called a priest. He'd even resorted to scrubbing floors on his hands and knees. All that had gotten him was bruised knees and blisters on his hands, but he was no less at peace with his decision. 

He put the drawing down on the desk before he started dripping tears on it. Father Sullivan picked it up and studied it for a moment before turning back to Andy. Andy expected a frown of disapproval, but instead he only saw curiosity and concern.  

"Do you want to tell me about this?" Father Sullivan asked. 

Andy couldn't help the sobs that escape his throat, his shoulders shaking with the force of his crying. This was embarrassing, a grown man sobbing into his hands, but Andy couldn't stop, couldn't get a grip on himself. Andy sobbed, pouring out the anguish and pain that had consumed his being for longer that he could remember, releasing all the pent up fear that had enslaved him for so long. Andy let it all out until the tears dried up and his head ached. 

Andy wiped his face with the tissue that Father Sullivan handed to him. He couldn't look the older man in the eye. He was drained and he couldn't deal with the judgment that he was sure was being directed his way. 

"Heavenly Father, I pray for Your peace upon this young man," Father Sullivan started in a quiet, gentle voice. Andy's head snapped up when he realized what Father Sullivan was doing, and then quickly dropped his head in prayer. 

"Heavenly Father, I know not what troubles Andy, but I know it must be a great and tiresome burden. Father God, we all have our burdens to bear, but You never leave us to bear them alone. Lord, I pray for Your strength upon Andy, help him turn his burdens over to You, help him lean on Your strength rather than his own. I pray that he would not feel alone, but rather know the peace of Your presence with him always. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen." 

Andy quickly crossed himself, and whispered Amen. He was embarrassed by the prayer; it was intimate and personal, as if Father Sullivan knew exactly what kind of prayer Andy needed. It was a heartfelt prayer that Andy didn't feel like he deserved. He had been so disobedient, what right did he have to all those things the prayer petitioned for. 

"Andy," Father Sullivan's voice was ever patient. "Would you like to tell me what's wrong?" 

Andy glanced up at Father Sullivan and saw nothing but concern—no judgment, no condemnation. Just Father Sullivan patiently waiting until Andy was ready to talk. 




Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 05



Well, really, what did he have to lose now? The game was up, no more pretending. It was time to own up to his actions and face the consequences whatever they may be. 

Andy took a deep breath, held it in his lungs and slowly counted to five before letting it out. He was ready to talk. 

***** 

There was an annoying pounding far off in the distance. Too far for Marcus to figure out what it was, but just close enough to be fucking annoying. Marcus tried to bury his head into his pillow to block out the sound, but it only seemed to grow louder. 

Then there was some sort of commotion and a door opening and hushed whispers before his bed dipped with the weight of someone sitting down next to him. Marcus' mind was slowly waking up and with it an intensely painful, throbbing disorientation. 

"Marcus?" came a gentle voice and a warm hand on his shoulder. 

Fuck. His mother. 

"Marcus, sweetheart," his mother's voice had that concerned sound to it that grated on Marcus' nerves. "Sweetheart, it's two in the afternoon. Time to get up, don't you think?" 

No, he didn't think. Marcus groaned and tried to pull the pillow over his head. He didn't want to get up, didn't want to talk to his mother. He just wanted to go back to sleep, back to the safe darkness of sleep. 

The weight lifted from his bed and Marcus thanked whatever God was out there that his mother finally had some sense to leave him alone in his misery. Just as he was about to succumb to the sweet oblivion of sleep, his pillow was rudely wrenched out of his grasp and he was assaulted by a waterfall of icy coldness. 

"What the fuck!" Marcus bolted upright, wiping the ice water from his face. He was fully awake now, heart pounding and head spinning, stomach bile threatening to find its way up his throat. 

"What the fuck, mother?!" 

"Excuse me, mister. You do not use that kind of language with me." 

Cheryl stood above him with an empty glass in her hand. The other hand was on her hip and her lips were set in that firm line that Marcus knew not to mess with. 

"Sorry," Marcus mumbled and looked forlornly at his wet bed. There was no way he could go back to sleep now. Instead, he pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped the duvet around himself like a cocoon. 

"Oh, no you don't. You smell rank. You're getting into the shower right this minute, young man." 

Cheryl started tugging at the blankets, but Marcus was in no mood to let her win. 

"Stephen, some help here," it wasn't a request. 

Marcus glared at his best friend whom he hadn't noticed was standing at the foot of the bed. Stephen looked just about how Marcus felt, hair in disarray, bags under his eyes, his normally smooth face covered in stubble, shoulders slumped in defeat. He guessed that's what people looked like when they drank and bitched about closeted priests for days on end. 

"Sorry, buddy. Your mom scares me." 

Stephen at least had the decency to look apologetic as he helped Cheryl wrestle the blankets from Marcus and push him toward the bathroom. 

Marcus turned the water as hot as his skin could handle and stood under the stream, letting the water wash over him. His head was fully pounding now, the nasty hangover sinking its teeth into Marcus' brain. God, he could use a drink. 

As the hot water loosened his muscles, he rolled his shoulders carefully, slowly feeling life come back into his body. Knowing that his mother wasn't above barging into the bathroom to check on him, Marcus resigned himself to soaping down and going out to face whatever talking to his mother wanted to give him. 

As he turned the water off, Marcus overheard bits and pieces of the conversation going on in his apartment. 

"Really, Stephen," his mother sounded exasperated, but Stephen's response was muffled by the towel Marcus ran through his hair. 

"An entire week, Stephen! You let him drink away an entire week!" 

Marcus paused and tried to remember what day it was. It had felt like a few days since Andy drove a knife through his heart, but it couldn't have been an entire week, could it? 

Marcus pulled on the clothes someone had left on the toilet seat for him and decided it was time to go out and face the music. The first thing he noticed was a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin sitting out on the table and he helped himself to a generous serving. This was going to be one hell of a hangover. 

"Marcus," Cheryl began, arms crossed sternly. 

"Yes, mother." 

Marcus decided it was easiest to just agree to whatever his mother wanted of him; it would be the fastest way to get rid of her and go back to bed. 

Cheryl huffed and paced in a circle around his apartment. 

"I should go find this Andy priest and give him a piece of my mind." 

Marcus exchanged looks with Stephen; they'd been commiserating about pretty much the same thing during their entire drunken episode. 

"I should go tear off his testicles and shove them down his throat." 

Marcus frowned and glanced back at Stephen who shared his horrified expression. His mother was fierce, but he had never heard her threaten bodily harm. Plus, the image of what she was proposing was a little too graphic and Marcus found himself reaching down to protect his own testicles. 

And besides, Marcus wasn't sure how he felt about someone else threatening the man he loved. And yes, he still loved Andy. The ache in the middle of his chest made it all too apparent that days of drinking weren't enough to make him fall out of love with someone. 

"First of all, ouch. Second of all, Cheryl, if you really decide to do that, please let me know. I'll bring some popcorn and enjoy the show," Stephen snarked. 

Marcus glared at him and was reward was a smile and an air kiss. 

"If you'll both excuse me, I'll let you two catch up while I take over the shower." 

Stephen moved toward the bathroom. 

"I don't know why I let myself get dragged into your drama," he mumbled to Marcus as he walked past. 

Cheryl sat herself down opposite Marcus at the table and reached over to clasp Marcus' hand in her own. 

"Sweetheart, I don't like seeing you like this. I know you've been through breakups before, but I've never seen it hit you this hard. I'm worried." 

Marcus sighed and resisted the urge to pull his hand out from under his mother's. 

"I know, mom. But I'm fine. Don't worry about me." 

Cheryl didn't look like she believed him. 

"Tell me what happened." 

Marcus rolled his eyes, sat back and folded his arms across his chest. He didn't want to tell his mother, he didn't want to relive that moment when Andy denied everything that had happened between them. Stephen had already teased it out of Marcus during a week of drinking, but Marcus didn't have it in him to go through it again. 

"Marcus?" Cheryl prompted. 

"There's nothing to tell, okay?" Marcus shot back, and then winced at the throbbing in his head. 

Cheryl sat back in her chair, arms crossed, mimicking Marcus' pose. Mother and son sat across the table from each other in a battle of wills until Marcus broke down. 

"I can't, okay?" Marcus whispered. "I don't want to talk about it." 

Cheryl's posture softened, her eyes filled with concern. 

"Have you told Stephen?" 

Marcus rolled his eyes, "Yes, unfortunately." 

"Good, at least you've told someone. Nothing worse than keeping it bottled up inside." 

Cheryl stood and started collecting empty bottles on the table and throwing smelly clothes into a corner. 

"You need get this place cleaned up." 

"Yes, mother," Marcus rolled his eyes again. 

"And no more drinking. I've told Stephen to cut you off. Make sure you get out of this apartment today, you need to stay busy." 

"Yes, mother." 

Cheryl nodded, satisfied that she had contributed her part. She brushed off her hands and collected her purse. 

"You're leaving already?" Marcus asked. 

"Did you want me to stay?" 

"Oh, um..." Marcus hesitated. He didn't really want her to stay, but knew that if he answered honestly, she would stay longer just to spite him. "I just thought you'd have more to say." 

Cheryl smiled, "I have plenty to say, but none of it will be helpful now. Remember, no more drinking, clean up, and get out of the apartment." 

"Yes, mother." 

"Good," Cheryl came over and gave Marcus a quick kiss on the forehead before letting herself out. 

Stephen came out of the shower a minute later to find Marcus curled up on the couch wrapped up in his duvet. 

"Your mom left?" 

"Yes, and she told me to tell you to clean up before you leave," Marcus mumbled. 

Stephen rolled his eyes, "And she told me to tell you that you're cut off. No more drinking." 

"Fuck." 

"Yeah, no shit. Now get your lazy hung over ass off the couch and help me clean up." 

"I can't believe you let me drink away an entire week," Marcus said as he reluctantly climbed off the couch. 

"Ugh," Stephen sighed. "It's not like I really had a choice, did I? Come on, bitch, help me clean this shit up. I need to go get food." 

Marcus glanced around at the mess that was his apartment and sighed. If only his life could get cleaned up so easily. 

***** 

It was insanely crowded on the streets of the East Village. Most people were half naked and covered in glitter; the rest were giggling behind their hands and snapping surreptitious photos on their phones. This was supposed to be a festive day, a day of celebration and pride; instead, Marcus was glowering behind his sunglasses, hands stuffed in his pockets following the kids from the LGBT Center around New York's gay pride parade. 

At least the kids were in a good mood, all of them smiling and laughing, trying to collect as many condoms as they could from the stalls lining the street. Earlier they had all been on the Center's parade float as it wound its way through New York City. They looked like they were having the time of their lives, dancing to the music blasting from the speakers. Marcus was glad they were having fun, but he had chosen to forego the actual parade and just met them at the end of the route. 

He just didn't have it in him to stand there and wave at people for hours. It had been several weeks already since Andy made it abundantly clear that what they had meant nothing to him. Three weeks since Andy tore out Marcus' heart and smashed it into pieces on the floor. Three weeks already, and he'd still much rather go home and drink himself dead, but he promised his mother he wouldn't. Plus Stephen had confiscated all his alcohol and had resorted to check in calls every 30 minutes to make sure Marcus was still sober. It was annoying as fuck. 

"Hey, Marcus! Catch!" Ryan shouted right before he tossed a handful of condoms at Marcus. Marcus was too stuck in his own head to react before the packages hit him in the face and fell to the ground. 

The kids were doubled over in laughter and Marcus just shook his head at them. He knew what they were trying to do. He'd been depressed for weeks and the kids kept trying unsuccessfully to cheer him up. He appreciated it, but he was pretty sure it would never work. Marcus wasn't sure if anything ever would, expect perhaps rewinding the past several months of his life. 

Every time his mind wandered in that direction, his hand always reached for his phone. Marcus kept subconsciously wanting to check his phone to see if Andy had reached out to him, said he was a fool, and begged Marcus to take him back. 

But there was never any messages waiting for him. Maybe Andy did reach out, maybe he didn't—Marcus would never know. That was Stephen's doing, too; he had blocked Andy's number on Marcus' phone and erased all history of their communications. Marcus had been furious when he found out, but Stephen had held his ground and Marcus eventually gave up, he was too tired of fighting. 

"Hey, Marcus?" Nick fell into step next to Marcus as they followed the rest of the group. 

"Yeah? What's up?" 

"Um... so..." Nick stammered. 

"What's wrong?" Marcus asked. 

"Nothing's wrong," Nick said. "It's just that... isn't that that Andy guy?" 

Nick pointed across the street, past the crowds of people. 

Marcus glanced over and froze on the spot as he saw the love of his life standing there looking adorably awkward. Marcus' heart constricted as the rest of the world faded into the background and all he could see was Andy with that shy little smile and bobbing Adam's apple. 

Marcus was surprised that Andy was at the parade, it seemed to be against everything Andy claimed to stand for. 

"Who's he talking to?" 

Marcus hadn't even noticed the other man Andy was talking to. But the second he did, he was filled with a rage more intense than he had ever felt before. Andy was talking to another man, a really hot, built man who was of the half naked and covered in glitter variety. And the half naked man was standing close enough that Marcus was sure some of that glitter was rubbing off on Andy's shirt. 

"Are you okay?" Nick asked, putting his hand on Marcus' arm. "You're shaking. Sorry, I knew I shouldn't have pointed him out. I figured things went badly with you guys." 

"No, don't be sorry," Marcus said through clenched teeth. "It's fine. It's over, I'm fine." 

Nick looked skeptical, but didn't push the issue. 

"Um, well, should we catch up with the others?" 

Marcus wasn't sure he could walk at the moment, the rage inside of him just barely kept in check. He forced himself to breath, to suck air into lungs that suddenly didn't want to work anymore. He knew he should walk away, move on with his life the way that Andy had clearly moved on with his own. But he couldn't. His feet had turned into lead and he was welded to the spot. 

Right when Nick was about to physically drag him away, Andy lifted his eyes across the crowd and as if they were drawn by some invisible magnet, landed on Marcus staring at him. Marcus saw the shock on Andy's face; he clearly hadn't expected to run into Marcus at the busy parade. 

Ironically, that was exactly the impetus Marcus needed to walk away. He'd seen that look of shock before. He knew what came next and he couldn't handle yet another rejection. He had to get away. 

Marcus let Nick lead him through the crowd until they caught up with the rest of the group. Thankfully, Nick was a smart kid and kept the others pre-occupied while Marcus stewed in his own thoughts, overwhelmed with runaway emotions. He was so consumed with processing what was going on inside his head that he didn't notice Andy approach until he touched Marcus on the arm. 

The touch sent a jolt of heat through his body and Marcus reacted by jerking his arm back. A part of Marcus reveled in the look of hurt that shot across Andy's face. Serves him right. 

Marcus set his jaw and folded his arms across his chest. He had nothing to say to Andy and he didn't really want to hear what Andy had to say either. And yet, something compelled him to stay. 

"Marcus, I need to talk to you. I want to explain myself." 

"Funny, seems like you're always trying to explain yourself. It's getting really old," Marcus spat out, scowling behind his sunglasses. 

"I know, I'm sorry," Andy sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Marcus tried to ignore how sexy it looked all tussled. 

"You have no reason to listen to me. I won't blame you if you don't. But... please, I have to talk to you. If you still want to walk away afterwards, you have every right to, but... at least hear me out." 

Marcus hated how his first reaction was to assure Andy that he would listen to anything Andy had to say. He hated that little part of his heart that was still soft for Andy. He wished he could just shut down his feelings and walk away unaffected. Instead, he found himself calling out to Nick and telling him to keep the group together for a while and not to wander off too far. 

When he turned back to Andy, he had to consciously stamp out the warm feeling he got from Andy's shy and hesitant smile. He's supposed to be angry and offended, Marcus reminded himself; too bad his heart seemed to have a short term memory. 

"I tried calling you," Andy said. 

"I blocked your number." 

"Oh..." Andy cast down his eyes. "I guess I deserved that." 

"So what do you want?" Marcus asked, not wanting to drag things out with unnecessary small talk. 

Andy took a deep breath, as if steeling himself for what came next, "Here, I need to show you something." 

Marcus' scowl deepened as Andy grabbed his arm and pulled him down the street. He didn't want to notice the heat of Andy's hand. He didn't want to notice how Andy was voluntarily touching him in public. It meant nothing, Marcus told himself. 

Andy led them to one of the booths lining the road and smiled at him when they stopped in front of the table. 

"I want to introduce you to someone." 

There was a hint of pride in Andy's voice and Marcus hated to admit that a confident Andy was extraordinarily sexy. 

"Marcus, I want you to meet Father Sullivan. Father Sullivan, this is Marcus." 

Marcus had been so focused on keeping himself in check that he hadn't paid attention to which booth they were standing in front of, and he hadn't paid attention to the elderly man with graying hair who was smiling broadly at him from across the table. 

"Marcus," Father Sullivan held out his hand. "It's so nice to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you." 

Father Sullivan's handshake was firm and warm, his voice gentle and friendly. The grandfatherly image took Marcus by surprise, as did Father Sullivan's words. 

"Um..." Marcus was speechless. He wasn't often speechless, but this time he was. There was so much going on that he didn't understand, and the two smiling faces staring at him didn't help. 

"Would you like a pamphlet about inter-faith and cross-cultural initiatives in the city?" Father Sullivan offered, holding out a photocopied brochure, his voice hopeful and teasing. 

"Um, no," Marcus said on auto-pilot. "I mean, um... sorry, but thank you." 

"That's alright," Father Sullivan smiled and glanced back at Andy who was still beaming. 

Marcus tried not to let the excitement on Andy's face get to him. He'd never seen Andy so happy and carefree before. What the hell was going on? 

"I'm guessing you haven't told him yet," Father Sullivan said. 

"No, not yet. I was afraid he wouldn't believe me," Andy answered. 

"Well, it's probably best if you explained things." 

"I know, I'm always trying to explain myself," Andy said with a smile. 

Marcus glanced back and forth between them, trying to figure what the hell they were talking about, and trying desperately to ignore Andy's infectious grin. 

"Explain what?" Marcus finally spat out. 

"I'm quitting," Andy said as his smile broadened. 

"Quitting what?" 

"The clergy. I'm leaving the priesthood," Andy looked like he could barely contain himself and would start jumping up and down if he hadn't been in the middle of a crowded street. 

Marcus just stared dumbfounded at him, unable to understand what Andy had said. 

"What?" 

"I'm quitting the clergy. Father Sullivan finally convinced me to do it. We're putting in the paperwork for it tomorrow." 

Andy's eyes twinkled. 

"And... I'm out." 

"What?" Marcus knew he sounded dumb. He felt dumb. 

Andy chuckled and exchanged a look with Father Sullivan who was also grinning. 

"I'm out," Andy said with a smile. "At least to Father Sullivan. I told him everything." 

Marcus blinked and took a deep breath. He thought he understood what Andy was saying, but he was afraid that he was misinterpreting it. It was just so sudden, so unexpected, his brain couldn't wrap itself around the idea that Andy was out and leaving the church. 

Marcus' heart, on the other hand, was swelling with the possibilities that came with Andy being out. Marcus warned himself to stay calm, and not to jump to conclusions. Because even if Andy was out, there was no indication that he wanted to be with Marcus. 




Stepping Out in Faith Ch. 05



"I know this is a lot to take in. I can explain," Andy's excitement dimmed a fraction as his nerves got the better of him. "If you'd like to listen." 

Marcus sighed. How could he not listen now? Fuck. 

"Actually, would the two of you mind looking after the booth for me for a little bit? This old man needs to find a restroom," Father Sullivan said with a smile and Marcus had a feeling that the older man's bladder was far from full. 

But he didn't object as Father Sullivan wandered off into the crowd and Andy pulled him behind the table, guiding him into one of the two folding chairs. 

"Um... what kind of booth is this?" Marcus finally got around to asking, glancing at the various pamphlets littering the table. 

"Apparently Father Sullivan had been working with this inter-faith group on and off for a while. They want to bridge gaps between different faiths, and reach out to communities that typically shy away from religion," Andy explained as he organized the pamphlets. 

"After I told him everything, he mentioned that the inter-faith group was setting up this booth. He hadn't planned on taking part in it this year, but he thought it might be a good idea, considering... well, you know," Andy said with a shrug. 

"And don't worry. I doubt we're going to get people stopping by," Andy smiled wryly. "There haven't been any visitors all day." 

Andy chuckled to himself, though he looked a little nervous. Marcus grudgingly admitted that it was kind of adorable. 

"So... he's okay with you being gay?" Marcus asked, half afraid that Andy would deny that he's gay. 

"Yeah, he is, surprisingly. I didn't think he would be, but..." Andy shrugged and smiled, taking the chair next to Marcus. As he gazed back at Marcus, Marcus could see a peace in Andy's doe eyes, a contentment that hadn't been there in the past. It was clear Andy had finally come to terms with himself and Marcus' heart soared at the realization. 

Marcus glanced away first, not trusting how he was going to react. 

"So you wanted to explain?" The words came out gruffer than Marcus had intended, but he wouldn't let himself feel bad for the sheepish look Andy shot him. 

"Well, first of all. I want to apologize. I'm so, so sorry for the way I treated you that day when you showed up at the chapel. That was extremely rude of me, and offensive. I'm sorry," Andy looked right at Marcus as he said those words, the sincerity ringing true. 

Marcus just nodded his acknowledgment, knowing that his voice wouldn't work properly if he tried to speak. 

"I was a wreck that day. Couldn't go back into the chapel to face those people, knowing how I had treated you. I..." Andy's voice trailed off, his gaze dropping to his hands folded in his lap. "I thought about committing suicide." 

"What?!" Marcus exclaimed a little too loudly, his heart suddenly panicked at the thought of losing Andy forever. 

"Don't worry," Andy reassured him with a sad smile. "I'm obviously fine. But that day... I didn't think I'd be fine. I'd never thought about committing suicide before, even after all those years of denying who I was. Taking one's own life is forbidden according to the Catholic Church, you go straight to hell. So that had never been an option for me. But that day... hell sounded like a better place than where I had found myself." 

Marcus ground his teeth together, caught up in anxiety over the pain Andy must have felt to consider such a drastic move. 

"I was a mess when Father Sullivan found me. He's easy to talk to, and I apparently had reached my breaking point and didn't need much prompting. It took me a while, but it all eventually came out. I told him about our first night at the club, and the baseball game, then the youth night when I sang with Sophie," Andy reminisced. 

"I told him about how gentle and kind you are, patient and caring when I had given you no reason to treat me so well. I told him about how confused and scared I was, how the only time I ever felt peace is when I'm with you. And when I'm not around you, it's like I'm walking along a cliff, terrified that one misstep will take me over the edge." 

Marcus tried to swallow around the lump forming in his throat, but found that his mouth had gone dry. His hands were shaking as he clasped them tightly together. 

"I told him how guilty I felt, how sinful I felt. And then I told him that while I felt terrible for indulging in what I had been taught were sinful acts, I actually felt worse about the way I treated you," Andy's voice was small, as if afraid to speak too loudly and burst the little bubble that had formed around them in the middle of the busy parade. 

"And he agreed. He thought it was right for me to feel worse about how I treated you than for being gay. Because the most important commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. And the second is to love your neighbor as yourself," Andy smiled. 

"But he said that I can't love my neighbor as myself, if I don't first love myself. It sounds weird, I know," Andy shrugged. "But it makes a weird kind of sense. I guess I hadn't been loving myself, so I didn't know how to love others." 

Marcus smiled at that. It made a lot of sense, not the weird kind but the normal logical kind. 

"And then Father Sullivan gave me a lecture on theology that I thought I understood, but clearly I had no clue." 

"What's that?" Marcus' voice was barely more than a whisper. He was afraid anything louder would ruin the moment and scare Andy off just when things were starting to become clear. 

"That at the center of the Christian faith is the fact that we are all sinners," Andy continued with a smile. "But that we are all saved by grace through faith in Jesus Christ. Anything and everything else besides that is secondary. There's a lot of variation in the Christian faith, Christians can believe a whole slew of things. But as long as they believe that central truth, they can believe whatever they want about all the rest of it." 

He paused and looked at Marcus expectantly. Except Marcus wasn't sure how was he supposed to respond. So he looked away and cleared his throat. 

"Sorry," Andy's smile was sheepish. "I miss looking at you." 

Marcus was never one to blush easily, that was Doe eyes' trick. But he couldn't help the flush that spread across his cheeks at Andy's words. That lump in his throat grew. 

"It took a lot of arguing and fighting, but Father Sullivan eventually convinced me that I wouldn't be committing heresy if I left the clergy. Actually," Andy gave a dry chuckle. "It was more like he helped me see that I had been using the priesthood as some sort of escape route. I was taking advantage of the vow of celibacy to avoid having to deal with who I am. He once told me that some people become priests to run away from something, and they end up doing more harm than good. I think I knew even back then that I was one of those people—but, I just never wanted to admit it." 

A part of Marcus wanted to scream, I told you so! But Andy clearly had figured that part out himself. 

"Anyways, Father Sullivan assured me that if I left, it wasn't as if I was conceding defeat or admitting that I'm not strong enough, or anything like that. Resigning from the priesthood isn't a sign of failure—that was a hard idea to accept. But to be honest, considering all the sneaking around I'd been doing, well, my vow was kind of a sham anyways—my life would have a lot more integrity if I was a layman. 

Not everyone is called to be a priest; I've told people that dozens of times, I just never thought it applied to me. But Father Sullivan finally made me realized that if I found someone I love, well, marriage can be just as glorifying to God as being a minister of faith." 

Andy was looking at him with those big doe eyes, hopeful and expectant. If Andy was trying to imply something with that last bit about love and marriage, Marcus wasn't going to bite; he forced himself not to read too much into those words. But there was no denying the sense of clarity in the way Andy spoke, as if he had arrived at a revelation and everything finally made sense. 

"Seems like you've figured it all out," Marcus was frankly rather surprised at the complete 180 Andy had pulled. It didn't seem like that was possible in the span of three weeks. 

Andy smiled with a hint of sadness, "Not entirely. But enough to know that this is the right decision. You know that sense of peace I told you about? The peace I'm supposed to find with God?" 

Marcus nodded. 

"I think I may have found it," Andy admitted. "I think I found it when I finally accepted who I am." 

Marcus smiled, knowing how important that peace was to Andy; he was genuinely happy that Andy was happy. But he reminded himself that that didn't necessarily translate into anything more for them. 

"So I'm not going to be a priest anymore. No more vow of celibacy. And I'm out, well, at least to Father Sullivan. I don't have many friends and I'm not sure I'm ready to come out to my family just yet, but I don't want to hide anymore. I found something that gives me peace, well, someone who gives me peace, and I want to be with him." 

Marcus swallowed thickly, resisting the temptation to let his heart fall into Andy's outstretched hands. Marcus set his jaw, fighting against the need to pour out love on Andy. 

"Marcus," said Andy. Despite Marcus' efforts otherwise, his heart swelled at the sound of his name on Andy's lips. "You're that person, and I want to be with you. Is that okay?" 

Marcus felt like he had been punched in the stomach as all the air gushed out of his lungs. These were the words he'd wanted to hear for months now, words that he had been desperate to hear. So why did he feel so completely shattered? 

"Fuck, Andy," Marcus managed to get out. He ran his hands through his hair, and stood up to pace around the confined space behind the table. He tried to get his brain to clear out all the jumbled thoughts running through his mind. 

Marcus glanced down just in time to see the hopeful smile slip from Andy's face, replaced by embarrassment, hurt, and heartbreak. Marcus belatedly realized what his reaction looked like. 

Marcus sighed with exasperation before kneeling in front of Andy and grasping the other man's hands in his own. 

"No, Andy, that's not what I meant," Marcus tried to explain. "I meant... I mean... Fuck." 

Marcus sighed again as the man he loved frowned down at him in confusion. 

"Andy, you can't just dump all this on me and expect me to... it's just..." Marcus sighed heavily. "It's a lot." 

Andy nodded, disappointment showing clearly in his big brown eyes. Marcus wished he could wipe that look away and replace it with happiness. But he'd been through hell the past several weeks and he wasn't sure he had any emotional capacity left to spare. 

"I love you," Andy whispered. "If that matters." 

Marcus' heart broke at the sweetness and hope that laced Andy's words. He loved Andy, too. There was no denying that truth. But there was so much baggage between the two of them; Marcus was scared they weren't strong enough to sort through it all. And if they didn't make it... well, Marcus didn't think he'd survive another break up with Andy. 

Marcus raised a hand and ran his thumb along Andy's cheekbone, burying his fingers into Andy's thick brown hair. Did he dare risk his heart again with this man? 

"Andy, Doe eyes, I—" 

Marcus didn't get a chance to finish the thought before Andy leaned forward and stole a kiss. 

After the initial surprise, Marcus couldn't stop the growl that emanated from his chest. He tightened his grip on Andy's hair and held the other man in place as Andy's lips caressed his own. 

God, he had missed this. He had missed the feel of Andy's soft lips against his own, the feel of Andy's body in his arms, the clean woodsy smell of Andy that drove Marcus crazy. He could get drunk on Andy's kisses; they tasted better than any alcohol found on the face of the earth, Marcus was sure of it. 

Unable to stop himself, Marcus took over the kiss, swiping his tongue across Andy's lips, demanding entry into Andy's mouth. He was rewarded with that little whimper of surrender as Andy opened for him, melting into Marcus' body. 

Suddenly, a chorus of yelps and catcalls broke out from the other side of the booth's table. Marcus reluctantly pulled back to see what the ruckus was and wasn't surprised to find the kids from the Center grinning and giggling at them. 

"Damn, Marcus!" exclaimed Ryan. "Some chaperone you are! Disappearing on us to go make out with some hot guy." 

Marcus turned back to Andy and was greeted by a bright red flush. Marcus expected nothing less. 

Marcus slowly extricated himself from Andy's arms. As much as he would have liked to continue kissing Andy, he knew that if they hoped to salvage whatever relationship that had been budding between them, it couldn't just be based on hot sex. Marcus knew they could do hot sex; the question was, could they do more than that? 

"Dude! You're supposed to be chaperoning us so we don't get into trouble!" Nick said. "It looks like we should be chaperoning you!" 

"Yeah, yeah," Marcus waved a dismissive hand at the kids. He turned back to Andy, "Look, um..." 

"Hi kids!" Father Sullivan chose that very moment to return, shuffling through the kids and around the table. "Are you having fun?" 

The kids broke out in variations of yeah, it's cools as Father Sullivan beamed at them. 

"Andy, Marcus, thanks for looking after the table for me. Why don't you two take the kids around some more?" Father Sullivan shooed them out from behind the table. 

Andy looked so hopeful with those big doe eyes that Marcus couldn't refuse. 

"Yeah, sure," Marcus said. 

"Have a great time!" Father Sullivan sent them off with a wave. 

Marcus stuffed his hands into his pockets as Andy fell into step next to him. He didn't trust himself not to grab Andy's hand. That single kiss back there had reminded Marcus of how good it felt to touch Andy, and Marcus knew he wasn't strong enough to think things through clearly if he gave into the temptation. 

Marcus could feel Andy staring, the heat of Andy's eyes as they gazed unabashedly at him. When Marcus turned to meet Andy's gaze, Andy smiled at him and Marcus' heart did a summersault. 

Fuck. 

"So, um, what are you going to do after you leave the church?" Marcus asked—anything to keep himself from grabbing Andy and assaulting him in the middle of the street. 

Andy shrugged, "I'm not sure yet. I'll need to find a place to stay first, I guess." 

Marcus bit his tongue before he could offer Andy a space in his bed. 

"And then find a job," Andy continued. "I figured I could volunteer at the Center until then, at least. I was going to reach out to Kathleen on Monday." 

Double fuck. 

"Do you think it'll be okay if I help out there? Do you think the kids will be okay with it?" Andy asked. 

A small smile spread across Marcus' face at the sincerity he heard in Andy's voice. Despite all the crap they had been through, Marcus had no doubt that Andy would always put those kids' best interests first. Marcus thought back to the magic Andy had worked with Sophie and was certain that the kids would fall madly in love with Andy just as quickly as Marcus had. 

"I think you'll be a big hit." 

"Yeah?" Andy asked, with an uncertain grimace. 

"Yeah," Marcus said, his smile growing. He bumped his shoulder against Andy's, delighting in the chuckle it elicited from Andy. 

Andy bumped him back, and suddenly everything seemed right with the world. Marcus had no idea what tomorrow would hold, but he felt at peace, as if everything that had been turned upside down in the past three weeks were suddenly right side up again. He had hope, and that was enough for him. 

***** 

"Stop fidgeting," said Marcus as he reached over to grasp Andy's hand. Andy looked down to see their fingers intertwined—the sight never failed to make his heart swell. 

"I'm nervous," Andy responded, squeezing Marcus' hand. "I've never done this before." 

"Oh, right, I keep forgetting." 

Andy shot Marcus a good natured glare. 

"Don't worry!" Marcus laughed. "She's going to love you." 

"She hates me." 

Marcus looked like he was going to dispute Andy's statement, but then stopped himself. 

"She'll come around," Marcus said with a shrug, and then laughed as Andy punched him on the shoulder. "Ow, that hurt." 

Andy rolled his eyes, but stopped himself mid-roll as he spotted Cheryl arriving at the restaurant. Andy was meeting Marcus' mother for the first time at their regular brunch dates, and he was so nervous his stomach was in knots. Marcus had told him how angry Cheryl had been when things were at their worst, and Andy was eager to repair his damaged reputation. 

Cheryl wove her way through the tables with an icy look on her face. Andy gulped—Cheryl looked like she could eat him alive. 

Andy stood as Cheryl approached the table and automatically pulled out her chair for her as he'd been taught to do since a child. 

"Really, Andy?" Marcus asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"Huh? What?" 

Andy followed Marcus' gesture as waved his hand toward the direction of the chair. 

"Tsk, don't pay any attention to my son," said Cheryl. "Apparently, he needs to learn some manners." 

"Ugh, whatever," Marcus rolled his eyes, but didn't even bother getting out of his seat. 

Andy smiled shyly as he sat back down. 

"You're taller than I imagined," Cheryl gave Andy a once over. 

Andy immediately felt a blush spread across his face at her comment. 

"Um, I'm 5'11, ma'am." 

"We're the same height, mother. What does it matter?" Marcus was glaring at his mom. 

Cheryl glared right back at him. 

"Marcus tells me you used to be a Catholic priest," Cheryl continued, ignoring her son. 

Andy's blush deepened and he reached for his Bellini for some liquid strength before answering. 

"Uh, yes, ma'am. Up until about 6 months ago." 

"And what have you been doing since then?" Cheryl questioned Andy. 

"I've been volunteering at the LGBT Center," Andy answered, smiling as he thought of the kids he worked with there. "We're actually discussing the possibility of me coming on as full-time staff, probably as youth director." 

"He's started an a cappella group," added Marcus with a smile. "Nerd." 

Andy glanced over to see Marcus with his chin propped up in his hand, elbow braced on the table. The sweet smile and admiring look in Marcus' eyes calmed Andy's nerves; it was a look Andy had come to appreciate and depend on over the past months, it was a look that settled any doubts Andy had and encouraged him to push forward in his journey. 

Andy smiled back at Marcus, the two of them sharing a private moment, oblivious to the way Cheryl was examining them. 

"Are you still attending church services or anything like that?" Cheryl interrupted them. 

Andy turned his attention back to Cheryl before sighing. 

"Not really," he admitted. "I haven't been going to the public masses, but I have kept in touch with my previous colleague at the parish. He's been generous enough to meet with me privately and do pseudo-masses together." 

"He still does his Liturgy of Hours thing," added Marcus. 

"What's that?" asked Cheryl. 

"They're like daily prayers," explained Andy. "I've been doing them every day for pretty much my entire life. It's a hard habit to break." 

Andy gave her a wry grin and a shrug. 

"Well, don't break the habit if you don't have to," said Cheryl. "If it's important to you, you should cherish it. No point swinging from one extreme to the other, if you know what I mean." 

Andy did know and he appreciated her affirmation of the practice of his faith. It had been one of the most challenging things about leaving the church so far—how much of his faith did he keep and what parts should he let go of? Father Sullivan—and even Kathleen from the Center—had been instrumental in helping him find a middle ground.