1 comments/ 16321 views/ 4 favorites Self Therapy! Ch. 02 By: danielrogerashley I woke up feeling the after-effects of what happened that last night... and I felt better than I had in years! Physically, I'd woken up feeling alive, more energetic and vital than before and could I go so far as to say that I was 100% happy for the first time in such a long while? I WAS happy! I was content, satisfied and felt fulfilled and there seemed more reason to be as such than simply for the fact I had pleasured myself to an extent so far unrealised. I hitched a leg up as I lay in bed feeling good about myself and I felt slippery and warm with residual lubricant. I was still tender, I could tell, just by the feverish and worn in feeling around my stretched sphincter. I ducked an arm under the covers and pleasurably ran my hand in between my buttocks and the used hole felt more like a hot, wet pussy than a tight, straight man's sphincter. I didn't want to tempt fate by filling myself in again before catching another shower, for safety's sake, but I ran my finger around the slippery entrance and it gave way loosely to my touch, tempting me in rather than flinching against me as though I was every other untrustworthy stranger! I decided it best to get out of bed now before I might not have moved all day long. That was when I felt the pain and it may not have hurt like it could have, had I done something wrong the night before but it was enough to make me worry. Had I gone too far, too fast? Had I stretched myself out of shape in any way? I didn't want the thought of having to go to work that night my arsehole dropping out of my trouser leg or more realistically crapping myself just by coughing suddenly. I sat there for a long while, subconsciously trying to convince myself that I indeed had heard such a story somewhere before. It was vague but with my imagination, it was a fear real enough for me to feel anxious over. I felt the full effect of the way I had abused myself when I sat up and put my feet on the carpet. Right in my saddle I felt as though I had been punched hard and also felt quite bruised. I felt used, even though I had done it to myself and I thought, 'this must be how a slut feels the morning after!' Yes, I felt fucking fantastic! I wasn't guilty of anything, I knew I didn't feel ashamed and this was a secret I wouldn't mind knowing for as long as I would continue to indulge myself in the experience. But I knew I wanted a real hard cock to work with soon. I could just imagine myself working one over, taking it in every position. Having someone balls deep inside me, plunging themselves in and out and filling me with... What the fuck was wrong with me? I laughed as I broke off the thought but couldn't ignore the massive erection it caused me so quickly. I grabbed the dildo and then headed for the shower, feeling my butt cheeks slipping and sliding against each other with every step I took. The hot jets of water and steam shot down in an endless stream as I stood beneath, very liberally soaping myself up and rinsing myself down. I made sure to wash my face, chest and armpits before soaping my crack and getting deep inside to thoroughly cleanse myself. I then washed the dildo under the hot water with the shower gel, begrudgingly deciding to set it down. It took about five minutes though before I was lying wet on my bed again, fresh from the shower and driving the greased up little rubber toy deep inside me. I couldn't help myself, I was out of control. My body trembling and my prostate so exquisitely tender from its previous abusing, I was moaning out loud, shushing from between clenched teeth and enjoying the intense pleasure/pain of an orgasm I never thought possible. 'I can't do this anymore,' I thought to myself. The pleasure was too much, like a drug overdose seconds before sudden death. My heart pounded audibly in my chest and my breathing became so shallow that I felt like I was having a heart attack. Lust was engaging me, almost paralysing me. I got the most dirty, narcissistic thought in my head and didn't even have to dare myself. Across the room was a tall dressing mirror. I got up, bracing the dildo deep inside and with the muscles inside me, I sucked it up hard and kept it in place, getting up to move the mirror to the wall opposite the foot of my bed. I could feel it moving around inside me, or trying to, pushing up against a now very sensitive part of me. I sat down at the edge of the bed, seeing myself naked and dripping wet and felt the dildo slide halfway out and then drive back in by itself. By its little rubber balls I held it down and began riding it and seeing this mind-blowing image of myself, fucking my imaginary lover right before me. I was incensed and now possessed by an urge that had somehow made itself second-nature to me overnight. Driving away at the nice long rubber cock, I gyrated, swivelling my hips and bucked back and forth, trying to feel it deeper; trying to feel it stretch me completely wide open. My own cock was swollen and stiffened hard to bursting point, so then I started to fuck one cock and furiously crank at the other. Before I had come to my senses near the end, I was mindlessly crying out in pleasure between rapid shallow breaths... I just couldn't come to orgasm having to do all that hard work myself, I had still been exhausted the moment I'd awoken. But every nerve ending in my body was on fire and I trembled like a skyscraper trying to stand above an earth shattering tremor. I collapsed onto my back, unable to go further. But god I felt so good. I swore, if I hadn't found just another vice, this was my fountain of youth; my reason for living from now on at least! I didn't leave home all afternoon. It took me that long to recover as best as I could! That night I went to work, after all the worrying if I'd feel or act different around my associates had passed, I reminded myself that it didn't matter. It was none of their business after all. And I didn't feel like I was hiding a secret so why would I act out of place? I worked in an all-female environment, apart from the many male customers that passed through, and they never took a great deal of interest; always too busy nattering amongst their own in one of their mothers' meetings! As I made my way around the store, I began to get that same sensation as the moment I got out of bed to get to the bathroom and realised I hadn't showered the second time. The reward for my poor memory, I was walking around work with an arse not only slick with lube but practically dribbling with the stuff. Fuck me, I felt wicked and the worst thing was, I was telling myself that any one man that walked in the door could have fucked me with ease right there and then. They would have easily been able to just slide it in and fuck away. I didn't even get a hard on thinking this, though, which surprised me. I simply just got on with the night, with a new spring in my step and waited patiently for the end of the night, enjoying these new feelings as they presented themselves one after the other. I got home just before midnight and hasted for the bedroom, flipped open the laptop and headed straight to my favourite chat site to see if Jasmine was online. To my joy, she was and had already left me a message to get back to... 'How's the new hobby?' 'Amazing,' I began, having to retype that one word about ten times before it passed for English. I was just too hyped, too excited about getting to tell her everything. 'How's yours?' 'Fantastic, Jason is just an amazing lover,' she replied. 'If he isn't "The One" then at least I get a world class fucking until I find out...' 'Yeah well screw him, I need fucking now,' I typed eagerly, 'seriously Jasmine where do I begin to look?' 'Don't you have any gay friends that would oblige you? I'm sure a hot young guy such as yourself shouldn't get a No for an answer...' 'No, do you?' I asked curiously, feeling a pressure begin to build in my lower stomach as soon as I hit the Send tab. 'Sorry darling, I can't help you there,' she replied. 'All my friends are women believe it or not.' I was devastated, in fact I felt cheated for some reason, recalling that this seductive creature had gotten me into this new addiction. Now it felt as though she was leaving me to fend for myself. I couldn't possibly blame her. It wasn't as though she should control the circumstances by which I was now left to, however it was as simple as this; it was her that left me wanting to be fucked and it was her I wanted. It was her that had got it into my head in the first place that I would enjoy being fucked and it was because of her that I was not getting fucked although I could take care of myself but I didn't want to. I wanted the real thing. I would have to go looking for myself! 'I'd tell you to go to a gay club or go looking online if I was none the wiser, but I wouldn't put you at risk. You know the score,' she then added and I replied without thinking. 'But if I have to get to know someone first before I get a seeing to, I'll have to wait more than a few hours or a day or a week. No good, I just can't help myself Jasmine,' I'd typed and left it there. As soon as I was offline, I then saw clearly just how disappointed I was. I'd gone from being perfectly content to absolutely pissed-off in the space of five minutes. I really was behaving like an addict and all because I wanted a fuck! Oddly enough, it was at 2am when I was lying in bed, unsuccessfully trying to sleep, that I recalled something that happened a few years back. Back when I used to chat with the boys instead of the girls! How could I have forgotten? I had forced the memories out of my mind through fear, self-loathing and disgust. I didn't want to travel that road as I remembered. I just wanted to see the green grass on the other side and wonder what it was like. His name had been Mikey and he'd told me that he lived locally, about half an hour from me. We'd talked online and eventually when I could no longer deny why I was chatting to him, someone who'd advertised himself as being gay, I told him I wanted to experience not just sex with another male but wanted to get a taste for the real thing. I cringed in the dark as I recalled this. Just how fucking naive had I been and how naive had I expected him to be back then? He was a bottom who told me he liked to seduce straight lads because he found turning boys onto boys more exciting and that they always provided the best sex. Something about straight guys getting their kicks out of doing things they knew they shouldn't have been doing. I was hooked, I remember. It had gone from online chats to phone texts and photos; not completely nude photos but pictures suggestive of a complete identity if they were to be put together like a puzzle. We used to tease each other so much, having text sex and him usually coaxing me into telling him what I wanted to do with him if I ever met him. In the end, I backed out and stopped replying to his messages. I guess I just didn't want to take such a big leap into a lifestyle I couldn't have afforded if I was caught out or came out. But what the fuck was I thinking now? That I should have gone for it or that I should get out of bed and go look him up again online? The brightness of the screen stung my eyes in the pitch black and I was seeing double but with a little effort I was back onto my favourite chat room. I immediately began searching, right at the beginning discovering that I didn't remember the alias he used to use for the site. Not one to be stopped so easily, I began a profile search and started sifting through profile pictures and names, looking for Mikey and hoping to god I'd find him. I was more than horny, I was yearning for fuck's sake! I was unsure when I stopped dead on the photo of the 24 year old that looked mostly like him, a boyishly good-looking young guy with black hair and big brown eyes. I took a look inside his profile and thought I'd hit the jackpot. I was certain in fact. His name was Mikey and he was from the same city as me, only not in the area that I remember. 'Flirts with Men,' the tag read beside his picture. Also, what I hadn't noticed until then was the little green picture of a PC in the corner of his photo that showed he was currently online. My heart started to climb a rickety ladder into my throat as my mouth went dry. 'Been a while, Mikey. Don't suppose you remember me!?' I typed and waited for five minutes just sitting there. In the dark I began to search for my cigarettes out of purely childish impatience. He wasn't going to reply and even if he did, he'd tell me I had him mistaken for someone else. 'Hi, how've you been?' came the reply. I rushed to type back, cigarette smoking away and stinging my eyes even further. 'Been thru some tough times but sorted my shit out now. Never guess what?' I posted back. 'You're officially gay now?' he asked. 'No lol,' I replied, 'not yet, but I've finally got my own place,' I told him, the excitement starting to strain at my boxers. I released myself and let it grow free, feeling it lengthening in the cool dark. 'So how did it go for you? Did you get that boyfriend?' 'I had a casual thing with a lad for a few years but that ended a few months ago,' he replied. 'So you haven't tried it yet?' It felt wrong to tell him but I did. I felt he deserved my honesty and to know everything at least briefly for now. He had trusted me once after all and in a way I had betrayed him when I'd backed out. That was at least the sense of resolve that accompanied my feelings at the moment. 'Yes I did but I was fucked up, didn't know what I was doing and who I was doing it with. I hated it, it was a horrible experience and I wish I could forget it,' I told him. 'Oh ok, I'm sorry I asked,' he said. 'Don't be,' I returned quickly, 'if I was going to like it, it would have been with you because I at least knew you quite a bit but I was scared I guess!' With that I waited... and waited... and waited! Mikey had gone offline; without finishing our conversation and without even saying why or saying goodnight! Uneasily and quite disappointed, more so in myself for seeming to ruin everything for myself all the time, I returned to bed and slept shallowly after hours of failing to make myself comfortable! The next morning, I awoke feeling terrible -- a huge contrast to the way the day before had started -- and this time didn't want to get out of bed because I didn't want to face the world. The fun seemed to have worn off. The guilt, it turned out, had just come late in the mail and arrived in one massive bulk. Indifferently and like a hangover was weighing on my mind, I got up and hobbled over to the laptop and started siphoning through useless junk mail and bills. Curiosity however began to creep up over my shoulder as I kept clicking on the Delete tab. I thought there should be no reason why I couldn't look and after inhaling a deep lungful of air, I returned to my chat site just to see if I'd missed anything... 'So when you said you weren't gay YET... does that mean you're available?' Mikey had sent, fifteen minutes after I'd signed out. 'Only if you are,' I replied and added my phone number. (to be continued) Self Therapy! Ch. 03 My heart literally hammered in the silence of the toilet cubicle at work, thudding loudly through the hollow of my expanded chest as I held my breath not knowing what to think or say. I was excited like I hadn't been in a very long time. In fact I felt like a teenager that had only ever daydreamed for years what sex for the first time could be like and I was straining to control myself as I helplessly imagined the possibilities. In my mind his hands braced my buttocks gently, he pulled me towards him and his wet lips and warm tongue were sliding over my intensely stiffened cock... Earlier that day, before work, I'd sent him a text message saying, 'hi, I got your message from last night. Bet you can't guess who...' I'd checked my phone fanatically every five minutes after that moment for the next two and a half hours and all I got was the same old nothing. It began to feel like a bad joke until my phone finally buzzed on the office desk at just before eleven and I'd practically snatched for it in my haste to read the outcome, half expecting it not to be from Him. One of my colleagues eyed me with a look of suspicion. I had been maybe a little nervous, fuck that, I was shitting bricks because of what I was setting in motion here. Straight old me, the ordinary, boring and somewhat closeted personality of every finance sector of every company in every city. The one that's so unassuming, unsocial and seemingly faultless that everyone wonders just how closeted he really was. 'Wow, somebody loves me after all,' I joked as Helen continued to watch, clearly waiting for me to spill the beans on whatever could have been more important than the morning grind. I raised the phone to eye level, entered the message, saw Mikey's number and exited it immediately, feigning disinterest. 'Who could possibly love you?' Helen replied with overdue sarcasm, since she'd waited a whole weekend to make my days a misery. 'If you mother could love you, then there's always hope,' I replied with a smile. Nobody laughed. The intended humour was lost. 'I'm going for a shit,' I said, to make up for it. 'Charming... with your phone?' Helen observed, my Nokia held firmly in hand. One eyebrow creased and so I wished her entire face would as well. 'Yes,' I answered plainly with a nod. I'd latched the cubicle door shut behind me and sat down on the toilet seat, entering Mikey's message again. The moment I read it I became excited, nervous to the point that my gut stirred almost painfully and the crotch of my underwear began to tighten. 'Would love to feel your cock in my mouth right now,' he'd sent. In my mind I began to stammer. I couldn't think straight. Graphic visions began to flash behind my eyes. Immediately, I undid my trousers and wrestled to get my cock through the fly of my boxers as I stiffened and began to slowly massage my foreskin back and forth over the head. I was as stiff as a wooden pole in seconds. My phone still in one hand, I sent back another message asking, ' so when's your mouth free this week?' Even the excitement of knowing where this was going made me want to spunk gallons there and then so I did. I went to work on my straining erection and shot into the toilet bowl but still it wouldn't subside so i went at it a second time and unloaded twice as quickly before another message came through. 'You said you have your own place last night?' Mikey replied. 'When's your next day off?' 'Saturday,' I replied. 'Six. Whole. Days. Away!' Feeling gutted already at the thought of having to wait that long, my excitement began to subside. I was able to leave the cubicle then without taking a trace of guilt with me and then after washing my hands and face in the sink and drying off, I was then able to leave the restroom and return to the office. My phone buzzed again but I left it until lunchtime so as not to arouse any more suspicion, let alone arouse myself. 'That's okay, we can meet Friday night and get to know each other all over again,' he'd sent. As if the rest of that day hadn't gone slow enough, the rest of the week dragged like a dead cow having become snared beneath a combine harvester. Not even imagining Helen as the dead cow, nor imagining her stuck beneath a combine harvester made it go any quicker. But it gave me the time to put myself across to Mikey, which I'd need to if we were going to get what we wanted out of meeting each other. On Monday night I'd asked if I could call him and when he returned confirmation, I hasted to hear his voice. The accent took me by surprise, though I don't know why. I knew he was from the same city as me and it wasn't as if I'd fantasised at all about what he might sound like. But his voice was at least youthful and gentle, not abrupt or overbearing as I might have feared. I didn't want to be scared away by someone so outwardly gay and feminine sounding, and at least that wasn't him. In fact he didn't sound as gay as I thought he might. The voice almost didn't fit the photo of him online. We chatted some; small talk. There were some compliments as to what one and the other sounded like over the phone and about how we both looked in our pictures before the conversation got to what we both really wanted. I lay there on my bed that night, no television or radio; the room in silence except for the sound of his voice close to my ear. Again, my cock strained against my boxers but I kept my free hand away, allowing the tension to build. 'So what made you come back?' he asked. 'I don't know...' I paused. 'You don't know?' he laughed. 'Well I do know but...' 'Just spit it out then,' he replied laughing. 'I'll sound like a... tart!' 'Aren't you?' he asked, laughing even louder and I lost all control, joining in the laughter before the silence returned. 'I just all of a sudden wanted something like this,' I started, hoping he'd understand what "this" was exactly. 'It wouldn't go away and eventually I remembered you and...' No support from him, the air was still, except for a faint crackle of interference. 'I came looking to see if you were still around because you were the first one I wanted to try it with,' I finished... 'Wow!' Mikey commented and judging by the pause that came after, he was just as stunned and speechless as I was. I was becoming aware then, by noticing how I was scanning his reactions, that what I was looking for here was more than just physical gratification. It was emotional support or gratification, or both. Maybe I needed to feel as though I was in love, in a sense, before I could just jump into this situation we were creating of the weekend to come. 'So you're serious about this?' he finally asked and I nodded before realising he could only hear me. 'Sure am,' was all I could say, but then I felt a twinge of disapproval within myself. I just took it as a sign that I was scared and knew I had a right to be. 'So long as you still want to. I'm not going to if it's going to mess with your head when we do what we do and then go back to our lives the next day.' Then Mikey whispered and I found myself momentarily hard of hearing until it struck me what he was telling me- 'The size of your cock, I don't think I'll be able to get back to normal the day after!' That night we went back to the smalltalk and saved the best until last, when the week would finally end and we would meet in town. We chatted again on Thursday night, just to confirm that we were both still up for it; well, me more than Mikey. We made it final, it was happening. It wasn't going to be a date, it wasn't going to be some cloak and dagger kind of affair where we both tried to hide the fact that we were gay for each other as bar patrons all over the city looked on nervously or in disgust. We were just going to meet up in town, get a few drinks, do the small talk and maybe even flirt with a few other women... (And men for Mikey) After that and before we'd drink too much to be able to enjoy ourselves to the fullest, I'd decide when the right time came for me to ask him and then invite him into a taxi and back to my place. Although we already knew enough about each other not to want to have second thoughts and enjoyed each others' company so far without even having met each other, we'd both done dates of all kinds before and knew the score. If either one of us did have second thoughts for any reason, we'd call it a night and say thanks for the drinks. Instead of imagining this, the worst case scenario, late that night, images flooded my mind; the two of us embracing, his hard wet cock throbbing against my warm tongue, then later sliding smoothly between my legs and satisfying me like no one else had ever done before. By Friday afternoon, I was almost zombified by how slow the working day seemed to pass by and by the lack of sleep I'd suffered the past week just fantasising about finally getting to grips with my first male lover. Almost to the point where I wanted to call off the night in fear of being too tired to entertain and perform! At four o'clock I received a message. I knew who it'd be. I imagined the worst. Mikey calling it off, not me as I was beginning to imagine I'd do. I couldn't deal with the thought of it. I wanted this too much and I wanted him specifically. 'You get out at five today did you say?' Mikey sent. 'If we can meet up at seven, we'll have more time to ourselves.' My face flushed red and I could feel my cheeks burning as I read the message. Helen clearly saw my reaction and was quick to think of something to say. 'So what time will you and your knight in shining armour be meeting tonight then?' she said with a defiant smile, eyes down and aimless in her work. The question stung, almost caught me off guard. I couldn't trip up in her clever little trap. Not now. She couldn't possibly have known and if she did then fuck it, I would lie my way to an early grave if I had to but that could wait until next Monday. I would just insult the shit out of her as I always had and maybe that would be enough to assure everyone I was still the same old me. The closeted and boring everyday white collar admin assistant in every office in the country. I approached her swiftly, taking her gently by the shoulders and spoke plainly in her ear. 'Your mother wanted me to tell you not to wait up for her tonight!' A few of our usually sleepy and unwitting colleagues burst into laughter beside us and suddenly it was her turn to flush red. 'Bastard!' she said barely beneath her breath. 'Daddy will do,' I replied with a smile as I left for the kitchen for some strong coffee. I was going to need it for the oncoming night! Self Therapy! Ch. 04 1 Hannah's Bar was a trendy, spacious high street club/live music venue between the city's popular nightclub spots and student bars. One damn good reason for me to feel out of place, at least while I was by myself. I'd rushed into town and bypassed the possibility of food as I didn't want it getting in the way. Not that I wanted to be d***k but I wasn't here to drink all night, I was here to do something even more stupid and adolescent; something which didn't require swilling my brain with alcohol. I got to Anna's Bar first, so nervous that I must have smoked four or five cigarettes in the hour that I waited at my table for Mikey to arrive. He sent me a message to tell me he would be arriving soon, so before finishing my first pint, I bought two more and settled them out in front of me. Our table was in a quieter corner, by one of the front windows facing the street, and away from the speakers currently blasting out dance music. It was way too early for it. Few people filled the main bar but they were in groups, either sitting at other tables or standing in circles as the popular crowds did. In all honesty I felt more scared than apprehensive although it wasn't as if I were meeting a total stranger and someone I didn't know by looks. If anything I was worried about being seen out with a stranger, someone nobody knew, at least in my circle. What if I bumped into a member of my own crowd? I pushed the anxiety to the back of my mind and looked out the window at the street coming to life with weekend revellers, some of who were already too d***k to survive the evening... 'So are you going to daydream all night or is that pint for me?' I heard someone say and looked up immediately, practically yanked out of my own little reality. He really hadn't changed at all, from what I could see. Still the same boyish looks, the same physique and the same stunning smile that had an effect on me like nothing else in this world. Yes, these were the thoughts of a 99% straight man at the time. 'Oh hi,' I said calmly so not to jump out of my own skin, 'glad you made it.' I stood up and casually shook his hand, then offered him a friendly hug, slapping him lightly on the back of the shoulder, thinking how odd it probably felt to him as normal as it could possibly look to everybody else. I supposed after all that we were old friends in a sense and so why would it matter?! 'How are you?' he asked with his captivating smile only a matter of inches from me and I remembered feeling the same as I had felt when I had a crush on one of my school teachers. Whenever I would stand by her at her desk I would literally cringe on the inside for how much I wanted to grab onto her and just kiss her. 'I'm good, a little tired after work but that should wear off,' I explained briefly and invited him to sit down and drink with me. He could have bounced off my reply in so many ways but he didn't and I was kind of glad. Never mind the fact we were meeting in public for one specific reason, an innuendo of any kind just wouldn't have been appropriate. 'So here we are,' I said and let the silence follow it since all he could do was look up at me with his lips pressed thirstily against the rim of the pint glass... 'Fuck me,' I added, with nothing else i could think worth saying. My mind had gone blank. Mikey almost spluttered while drinking his lager, upon hearing me say those two words. 'You've been looking after yourself well,' he finally said, settling his glass down but not letting go. 'Thank you, and yourself,' I replied, 'you haven't aged at all!' 'Oh right?!' he responded, smiling and nodding as though my observation was a complete surprise to him. It seemed funny to me. I admired his modesty. 'So I was thinking, I haven't eaten. Have you?' I asked and he shook his head and whispered a 'No!' 'Do you want to go get something after a few drinks?' I asked and again he shook his head and whispered a negative. Though it seemed a game we were suddenly playing. 'I thought we could either get really shitfaced d***k until we have no idea what we're doing or we could play a little drinking game before heading out...' 'What type of drinking game and then heading out where?' Mikey asked. 'It's simple,' I said daringly, and secretly shocked that I had the balls to say it so soon, 'we get buzzed until one of us asks, 'your place or mine?'' 'Bold,' Mikey laughed, raising an eyebrow to me and then his pint. 'Never too soon then?!' I assumed, laughing back under my breath. 'I'd have been happy with the one pint,' Mikey suddenly followed me up and my jaw dropped. 'Yeah but I need the courage,' I replied, ducking my head to swoop into my own drink as though dodging the laser beams that were shooting out at me from his eyes. They were captivating me. I was like a deer in the headlights suddenly after being so bold, as he put it. 'At least I know you're serious this time,' Mikey said briefly looking the other way and it suddenly occurred to me that the conversation was going the same way as one that might have happened between ex-boyfriend and girlfriend. I had to laugh. 'Did you just speak as if you got stood up or dumped?' I asked with a grin. 'Yes. I hate myself but don't change the subject,' he said in such a relaxed manner that I knew there were no hard feelings. Or were there? 'I had to grow up,' I replied simply, saying it as it were. 'I had no idea what I was doing.' Mikey nodded, I guess understanding what I meant, his eyes studying the drink he was tending to as he thought to himself. 'You sounded like you knew what you wanted though,' he explained in hindsight. it f***ed me to think back. Of course, I'd remembered selectively; all that I wanted to remember and none of what I had tried to forget. 'I always had a good imagination I guess. It was fun to talk about what I was thinking of,' I explained further, only in a more roundabout way that skated around the truth. What did he want from me? I'd already explained it as simply as I could. 'You did and you still do,' he said and I was relieved that the conversation lightened so quickly. The suspense had been killing me before he arrived. But did he know this? Could he imagine? 'And I still want now what I wanted then,' I added. There was a long pause at the table then before I excused myself to visit the bathroom. The first drink had gone straight through me, no doubt as a result of having not eaten since lunchtime and then going straight through two lagers. 2 I was disgusted at myself having broken the seal so soon. I could see myself needing to piss every twenty minutes from then on, which socially wasn't the best way to be around someone you were trying to get laid with, no matter who they were. I walked into the WC to be faced with a row of urinals at which only one young man stood - no doubt a student, I could tell by the way he dressed in his checkered farm boy shirt and cargo shorts - and before I was even picking my own spot, he was nodding his head at me and asking me, 'alrigh mate?' He shook, zipped up, washed his hands and left without another word. In my mind, nothing had changed. I could have been sucking on a long hard cock dripping with come in the next half an hour. I could have had my knees up to my shoulders and that same hard cock buried balls deep in me. But I wasn't about to start talking to strangers with my dick out in a pub toilet. By the time he had left, I was finished and washing my own hands; oddly to me, something I only did when I was dating a girl. Just then the door opened and I followed the reflection of the wall mirror over to the doorway where Mikey had entered. And before I knew what was happening he was pulling me into a toilet cubicle and locking the door behind him. 'You missed something when you said hello,' he told me and that was the moment I took his face in my hands and kissed him. His breathing became heavy almost instantly, his eyes half closed as though he was feeling the sudden effects of some d**g. He kissed back, grabbing hold of me and searching for the tip of my tongue with his. 'I could get addicted to that if we're not careful,' I said after pulling away gently. 'Well don't stop,' he almost begged before we heard the door creak open from within the stall. It hadn't occurred to us that our feet would both be visible beneath the cubicle walls but it didn't seem worth worrying about. As Mikey's finger pressed his own lips shut, signalling me not to make a noise, I instead responded to my own new found instinct and pulled his finger away to quietly attack his lips with a slow lingering kiss. As I did, my right hand ran down the front of his jeans to find a tightened bulge where his excitement was becoming ever more apparent. The sound of feet walking away and then the door opening and closing followed, but we didn't take it as a signal to leave. We should have. I wanted him more than I wanted my drinking game by now. 'Your place or mine,' Mikey asked. 'I could use another drink,' I suggested regardless, 'you're driving me mad.' 'We could smoke some green,' he counter-suggested, 'that'll get you relaxed enough.' 'Do you have any on you?' I asked and he shook his head. He had some in the flat though and there was his answer. 'Your place, then!' I said.