14 comments/ 9396 views/ 7 favorites Remembering You Ch. 02 By: twinky90 Author's Note: Thanks to everyone who sent me feedback and for all your support! Special thanks to my beautiful editor ThisKittyKat—she has been wonderful throughout this entire process and I couldn't have done it without her. If you haven't read the first chapter of this story, please take time to do so. The action picks up right where the last chapter left off, so if you didn't read the first part you'll be lost. More to come so keep with me! Remembering You Ch. 02 My dark hair was short, thanks to the haircut I had received just a couple days before being discharged from the hospital. My green eyes were bright again, after being sunken with dark circles around them as when I first woke up. I almost felt normal, until I reached up and felt the back of my head, where the bullet had exited and my life had shattered to pieces. "John! Our reservations are at seven!" Cody's voice was muffled through the door and it jerked me out of my daydreaming. I quickly buttoned up my shirt and jammed my legs into the khakis. I opened the door as Cody was just about to start knocking. "How do I look?" "Amazingly sexy." He grinned and led me to the door. He leaned against the wall outside and waited for me to lock it. After exiting the building, we walked a couple blocks down the road, toward the waterfront. The restaurant Cody had selected was dark and romantic, but the prices were also through the roof. I stared down at the menu trying to find the cheapest thing; it was a bowl of avgolemono for fourteen bucks. I blinked and looked at the rest of the menu; a plate of patstitsio was thirty. I looked across the table at Cody, he was studying the menu, but without the look of consternation that I was sure I had plastered across my face. "Gentlemen, would you like to see our wine list tonight?" The waiter interrupted me as I opened my mouth to speak. "No," Cody replied, smiling serenely, "we'll just take a bottle of the house red. Thank you." "Certainly, may I just check your IDs?" The waiter held out his hand expectantly. I felt the heat rise into my cheeks. "I...I must have, uh...must have left mine at home..." Cody looked at me blankly as I said it and then a realization broke across his face. He promptly shoved his wallet back into his pocket. "Me too, we'll just have a pitcher of iced tea. Thanks." The waiter nodded curtly and walked away. "I'm so sorry John, I wasn't even thinking." "It's fine," I replied, embarrassed. I picked up my previous train of thought and started again, "Cody, this is a really nice place..." "It is, isn't it?" He gestured around. "I absolutely love this place. And they really do have the best food; I can't wait for you to taste it!" "No, I don't think you understand," I was starting to get annoyed again. It was strange, I had never felt this way when I was in the hospital with Cody, but out here everything seemed to be different. "I can't afford any of this. The damn bowl of soup is fourteen bucks!" "Oh, that's what you're worried about? Don't be, tonight is on me." "I'm sure it is, just like everything else!" My voice was starting to rise now. The smile dropped from Cody's face. "What are you talking about?" His voice was quiet, but it sounded dangerous. Just then, the waiter came back with the iced tea and poured it into our glasses. The tension was palpable and the silence uncomfortable, broken only by the ice clinking against the glass. The waiter wisely walked away without saying anything more. I leaned forward and lowered my voice. "I mean the rent, the new bed, the clothes, the food, the restaurant that I didn't get to choose, the food that you're not going to let me pay for. In case you haven't noticed, I'm an adult. I can take care of myself." Cody looked dumbstruck, then something like anger blazed behind his eyes. "I did all of that for you to help you. You have to realize that you have absolutely no fucking money John. None. You should be grateful that I'm helping you out. I took you out to dinner tonight because you agreed to come with me last week. I'm starting to think it was a mistake now." "You're right!" I made no effort to keep my voice down anymore and the other patrons of the restaurant were looking over, watching the show as I started to explode. "I am so grateful to you for treating me like a child. I am so grateful that you feel the need to take care of me. Believe it or not Cody, even if I can't remember it, there was a time in my life that I took care of myself. I can sure as hell do it again!" I stood up and stormed out of the restaurant, leaving him speechless behind and made my way back to my apartment alone. I opened the door and looked around. Even here I couldn't get away from Cody and the overbearing ownership he seemed to have taken over me. The space that was supposed to be mine was found and paid for by him. I didn't think I could be there anymore, it was all too much. Locking the door as I turned away, I made my way down the street to the small park a couple blocks in the opposite direction of the restaurant. I sat down on one of the green wooden benches and surveyed the city stretching out before me, the lights twinkling innocently in the early twilight. A sudden sense of peace washed over me and the knot in my chest started to relax. Cody did have a point; without him I would have nothing right now, but it still didn't give him the right to take over my life. All I wanted was independence; when I was in the hospital I had none, all the decisions were made for me. And I was sick of everyone treating me like I was dying or something, tiptoeing around me and avoiding the fact that I had no clue who I was. Everyone except Cody. He talked about it openly, often speculating about how I was before the accident, whereas everyone else would act like nothing was wrong. Cody acknowledged I had a hard road ahead of me, but wasn't daunted by it. He had been nothing but supportive, and he obviously cared enough to make sure I was taken care of after I was released from the hospital -something I was sure he didn't do for every patient. It didn't help that he was totally hot either. Everything that he had done for me, everything that I had yelled at him for earlier tonight, he had done because he really cared about me. And I was a selfish asshole and ruined it. All he wanted to do was take care of me, but I was too pigheaded to see that I couldn't do it on my own, that I actually did need to be taken care of. Suddenly, without warning, the entirety of my situation washed over me. I had absolutely no one, I didn't know who I was or where I came from, I was starting over with nothing. I had to try to piece a life back together that I didn't know anything about. It was like putting together a puzzle without a clear picture of what I was supposed to be making. I didn't know when I would be done, or if the pieces are fitting together correctly. Tears prickled at the corners of my eyes. I didn't like feeling so guilty, and I certainly did about the way I treated Cody earlier. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't want to talk to me anymore. After all, I gave him plenty of reasons. It was starting to get dark and streetlights were popping on all along the boulevard. I arose from the bench and made my way home. There was a note taped to the door when I got back. It was short. "J, Sorry that tonight went so badly. I should have known better—let's talk soon. -C P.S. I left some food from Adriano's with the super. He said he'd get it to you." When I opened the door there was a takeout bag sitting on the counter. I took it and threw it in the fridge; the superintendent must have come in and put it there. The note was inscrutable and I couldn't decide if it was a good or bad one. On the one hand, he was sorry that the night went badly, and he wanted to talk soon. On the other hand, he said he should have known better. He should have known better than to what? Ask me out in the first place? Think that I could handle going on a date with him? I was exhausted and confused. All I wanted to do was go to bed. I quickly undressed, brushed my teeth and crawled between the sheets. They must have sat at Cody's house for a while, they smelled like him. I closed my eyes, but sleep wouldn't take me. I tossed and turned all night, worried about what the next day would bring. I thought about calling Cody, he had left his number with me before I left the hospital, but I didn't really feel it was prudent to do so at three in the morning. I watched the sun rise through the windows of my apartment. Or rather, I watched the light struggle to shine in through the dirt covering the windows; they were much too dirty to see out of properly. I rummaged through some of the stuff that Cody had bought me yesterday to find something suitable for breakfast. I settled on some instant coffee and a bowl of cereal. The only problem was that I didn't have any bowls or mugs. Or a pot to boil the water for that matter. It was hopeless. I cracked open a window and crawled out onto the balcony. The morning was warm and the sun was just peeking up over the city skyline. The phone started to ring and I almost jumped out of my skin. I knew of only one person that would have my number, the person who paid to get it connected. I scrambled back inside and went to answer the call. My hand shook as I picked up the receiver and put it to my ear. "Hello?" I already knew who was going to be on the other end. "Hi John?" Cody's voice was distorted, "How are you doing this morning?" "I'm fine." The conversation was really awkward, almost like we were strangers. "Listen, I'm really sorry..." "Don't be. I shouldn't have gone off on you like that." I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks again, this time in embarrassment. "But I also should have realized that you wanted your independence. It wasn't up to me to take care of you, and I overstepped my bounds. I just wanted to say I'm sorry." "Cody, listen, it's okay that you wanted to take care of me. It's nice to know that someone cares. I shouldn't have taken offense, because I really think that I like you. I...I was just worried that I messed everything up." "You didn't, don't worry." He laughed quietly. I opened my mouth to ask him when I could see him next, but I was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Hold up Cody, there's someone here..." I went to the door and opened it. Cody stood there with his cell held to his ear, grinning widely. He was smoking hot in a navy hoodie and white running shorts. I stood there stunned; he dropped his arms to his side, hanging up the phone. "So... can I come in?" His smile never faltered. "Su..sure." I gestured behind me, still stunned that he was here. More so after the way I treated him the night before at the restaurant. He strolled in, hands in his pockets, and swung around to face me, sitting on the peninsula counter that separated the kitchen from the living room. "So, what brings you this way?" "Well, I fucked up." He looked at me frankly; it was a little more direct than I was prepared for. I momentarily lost my power of speech again. "H...how do you figure?" He rolled his eyes a little bit at my comment. "I think you know..." I raised my eyebrows at him so he continued, "I shouldn't have pushed you. I have worked with a lot of trauma patients in my life, I should have known better how to talk to one. How to care for one..." He was earnestly trying to placate me. Instead, he was riling me up again; when would he understand? What would it take for him to get it? I didn't need to be cared for! "I don't want you to 'care for me,'" I wrinkled my nose at the phrase, "if you want to date me then date me. You've already been my nurse, and a damn good one, but the man I want to date needs to be a partner. I realize that I'm going to need help and these next couple months are going to be hard. But there's a difference between being supportive and being overbearing." Sensing that things were headed south again, Cody walked over and took my hands in his. "John, I want nothing more than to be your partner. I have tremendously enjoyed being your nurse, and the perks that came with it," he chuckled softly, remembering the blowjob on my hospital bed, "I guess I just didn't know how to separate the nurse me from the me that was supposed to be going on a date with you. I want to make sure that you're alright, and if it gets to be too much I want you to tell me... but just maybe in a little nicer way than last time." My cheeks flushed with embarrassment again. That seemed to be Cody's way - piss me off and then make me embarrassed for getting upset. It wasn't a very fun cycle to be stuck in. "I don't know Cody. Do you think it's too much? I mean, I just got out of the hospital, under your care no less. Would you be able to stop being my nurse and start being my boyfriend?" Genuine concern shone in his eyes, something that had been there all along, but I had chosen to ignore or dismiss as haughtiness or pity. He pulled me closer to him and I fell into his embrace. His voice was low and husky, almost a growl, "John Brennan, I will do whatever it takes to win you over. I don't want to care for you, I want to protect you. Even though when I'm around you I feel like I'm the one who needs protecting. The truth is, you have more of my heart than I would like to admit. And I'm terrified about what you're going to do with it. I think I'm falling in love with you." I didn't know what to say. It seemed like so much, such a strong statement, one I wasn't sure I could reciprocate. I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing wanted to come out. I closed my mouth and started to turn away, but Cody's strong hands held me in place. "Please let me go." I struggled to keep my voice calm. "John, please talk to me." He was shaking slightly. When I looked up into his eyes, he silently pleaded with me to stay. Pleaded with me not to run like last time. "Cody, I-" I faltered, even then not sure what was going to come out of my mouth. "I think you should go." I shocked even myself by saying it. "What?" He looked confused. Tears started to prick the sides of his eyes. "Why?" "I...I don't know Cody!" I was growing hysterical, letting my emotions run wild. "Maybe because you just told me you were in love with me? I mean, Jesus, you've only known me for a month! You don't know anything about me." "Don't tell me that you don't love me too John, I know you do. I can see it in the way you look at me, feel it when you touch me." He was begging now, tears running down his face. My heart softened momentarily, but my resolve returned. "But that's not the way it works! You don't fall in love with someone after a month!" "Who says?" "Everyone! Everyone says! People don't just fall in love like that! How can you love me when I don't even know who 'me' is?" Cody finally let my hands go. His expression was replaced by another and his face darkened. There were no tears anymore as he spoke again. "You're right." His words dripped with venom, "I was stupid to think that I loved you. I see that now. You're just a selfish prick who's too wrapped up in his own bullshit to let anyone in. And I'm the stupid guy who thought he could make a difference." He turned to walk away. I immediately regretted everything I had said, no matter how true it seemed when I was saying it. Cody looked so ugly when those hateful words were coming out of his mouth - and I didn't think that Cody could ever look ugly. "Cody, wait..." "Go fuck yourself, John." He turned around and looked me in the eye defiantly. "Be at Dover's tonight at 7, Eric will get everything set up for you. Here's the address." He handed me a small slip of paper and made his way to the door and opened it, leaving me standing shell-shocked in the middle of the room. He paused as he was leaving and looked back at me one more time, more gorgeous than the first time I saw him. "Goodbye John." "Cody?" He paused again and looked back at me, almost hopefully, as if I could say the right thing and this all would go away. Sadly, we both knew there was no truth to fairytales. "When will I see you again?" He smirked, a little sadly. "I think we both know the answer to that." And then he was gone. The muddy light streamed in behind me as I went to the kitchen, suddenly famished. I pulled the Adriano's out of the bag and grabbed one of the plastic forks that Cody bought me. I sat at my kitchen table and took a bite of patstisio. It was delicious, even cold. The events of the last ten minutes finally started to wash over me and I was overwhelmed. I knew I didn't love Cody, but because I had been honest I lost him forever. The hopelessness of the situation took over me and I felt tears well up in my eyes. I sobbed quietly and took another bite of the takeout Cody had bought for me. It was the last thing I had left of him. I cried silently and finished it all, lamenting the death of a relationship that hadn't even yet begun. Remembering You Ch. 02 "You must be John." I turned to see who must have been Eric standing behind me. He was a full head shorter than me and balding. In a snugly fit khaki suit, he looked every part the sleazy club-owner. If I didn't know that he was one of the fifteen richest men on the West Coast I would never have guessed. "I'm Eric Christophersen, proprietor of this fine establishment." "John Brennan, nice to meet you." I shook his hand and he led me behind the bar. "There aren't many rules. Mostly, if the customer flirts, play along. If they buy you a shot, take it. If they ask for your number, give it. But don't let them touch you too much, we aren't a strip-club. The top-shelf liquor is on the backlit shelving units up here," he gestured toward the vast wall of spirits behind him, "well is up here at the front. The only beers we have are on tap and there are four soda guns here, here, here and there. Garnish trays are at either end of the bar. Any questions?" He looked at me with a cocked eyebrow. I shook my head, though I was totally lost. "Good, you will be working with one other bartender and four go-go boys. The other bartender tonight is Chad." He walked away without another word. I exhaled loudly and looked at my workspace. I started picking up bottles at random and examining their labels, memorizing which ones were vodka, gin, rum, and then some I'd never even seen before. "Well hello..." The voice drew out the "o" lazily. I turned to see a younger guy leaning against the bar, wearing the same getup as myself. He was about my height, sandy brown hair cropped short and really toned. I was beginning to wonder if that was a prerequisite around here. "Name's Chad. And you are?" "John. Uh, the new guy." I offered my hand, but he walked past it to the other side of the bar. I turned to watch him as he pulled open a small fridge underneath the bar and grabbed a bucket of lemons and limes. "Well it's a pleasure," I had the distinct feeling that it wasn't. "So, are you going to help me or not?" He pointed at the pile of citrus with a paring knife. "Oh, right." I quickly grabbed another knife and began slicing a lime. Chad eyed me doubtfully and grabbed the fruit away from me. "No, idiot, you have to cut it like this, so that we can, you know, serve them?" He instructed me on the proper way to cut it. "You act like this is the first time you've ever bartended. Christ..." "It is." I gritted my teeth, he was starting to get on my nerves. "It's my first night tonight." "Oh!" He gasped dramatically and turned to look at me again. "So you're the one that everyone's been talking about, huh?" I grabbed another lime and started cutting it. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean..." I pointedly refused to make eye contact. Chad stopped cutting and turned to face me full-on. "Oh please, sugar. You're the mystery man, the one who lost his noggin? It's the big news around these parts. Though, to be honest, I don't know what the big fuss is about." He smirked and turned back to slicing. I decided to let the comment go and turned back to my own work. So people were talking about me? Or, if Chad was to be believed, which I highly doubted, people were making a 'fuss?' About what? After a few more minutes of silently cutting limes, I had to ask. "Umm, in the words of the famous Janis Ian, 'you're a regulation hottie.' But, like I said, I don't really see it." He sniffed in dismissal and started putting the cut-up fruit into the condiment trays. I followed suit on the other side of the bar. He broke the uncomfortable silence once again, "Listen, amnesia-boy, let's get a couple of things straight. I have been a bartender here for three years and that gives me an immeasurable amount of authority over you. You stay on that side of the bar, I stay on this side. If you need something from me, you ask politely. If you need to look up how to make a drink, look at this book." He pulled a bartending book from beneath the bar-top. "People come here to look at me, not you. Got that?" I nodded, silently fuming. What an ass. The lights came down and the bouncers started letting people in. Because it was a Saturday, people were out earlier than they would have been on other nights, so it got busy quickly. I was swamped within no time, scrambling around to finish making drinks and get them to customers that were rapidly growing impatient with waiting. Meanwhile, on the other end of the bar, Chad was laughing and joking with people as he served them. He made it look so easy. By ten o'clock I was exhausted, but I was also getting a hang of the whole thing too. I was learning drink names and remembering how to make them. A lot of the guys would smile at me as I passed them their drinks and quite a few asked me to come hang out with them when I was off work. It was, all in all, a flattering experience. As I became more proficient, the tips got bigger too. "Can I have two shots of Jack please?" I turned to see Alex standing there with his entourage, grinning widely at me. I smiled back. "Coming right up," I poured the shots and handed them to Alex. He slid one back towards me. "Bottoms up!" He held out his glass to me and I clinked mine against it. I took the burning liquid down in one gulp, choking back a cough. He laughed at the look on my face. "Oh, where are my manners? Let me introduce you to my friends. This is Alan, Tucker and Reid. Guys, this is John, the one from the beach." I nodded to each of them in turn.In the dark they were indistinguishable from each other - all tanned, muscle-bound and tall. I glanced over at Chad, he was staring at me, open-mouthed. Turning back to Alex, I asked him, "So, do you know Chad very well?" "Ugh, yes. Unfortunately...we kinda... at one point last year." He blushed a little. "It was a mistake, but it seems like someone hasn't be able to get over it." He waved to Chad seductively and leaned in closer. "But I can think of someone that wouldn't be a mistake." His lips softly brushed my ear and a shiver ran down my spine. "Well..." I faltered, clearing my throat, "...that sounds nice." "I'm going to go dance with my friends, but I think we should meet up for a 'nice' time later. When do you get off?" "I'm closing, so 2:30 or so?" "I'll be waiting outside." He gave me a wink and a smile that could melt snow and walked away. I turned and smiled smugly at Chad, who sniffed and looked quickly away. The rest of the night passed by in a flash. The tips were very good and the attractive guys kept coming to my end of the bar, much to my partner's annoyance. Soon, it was last call and everyone was pouring out of the building, boozy and laughing. Chad showed me how to close out the till and where to stock all the glasses and such. He didn't say a word to me as he was both tired and annoyed with me, which suited me just fine. We walked out into the parking lot together, pockets stuffed with cash from our tips, and Alex was there, waiting by a bright red Dodge Charger. Chad shot me one last look and made his way to his car. "Hello there handsome." Alex beckoned me over to his car. "Get in, let's go to my place for a drink." "I don't think you're supposed to get into cars with strangers," I replied with a grin. "Well it's a good thing I'm not a stranger then." He smirked and opened the passenger door for me. I hesitated for the first time, I wasn't entirely sure I was comfortable with where this night was going. Sensing my apprehension, Alex spoke again. "I assure you, I'm the perfect gentleman. We won't do anything you don't want to." Still wary, I allowed myself to get shut into his car and he sped off towards downtown. He lived in an ultra-modern apartment in the heart of the city. He sat me down on a couch facing a full-wall window that afforded an excellent view of the bay a couple of miles away, retreating to the kitchen to make a couple of drinks. I reached out either side of me, my hands feeling the soft, supple leather of the couch. "Wow, this is really nice." "Ha, thanks. It's Italian leather, imported from Milan." He paused and measured a jigger full of whiskey into one of the glasses. "So, John, tell me a little about yourself." "Um..." I wasn't entirely sure what to say, "I'm new to the area. I guess there's really not too much to know." He handed me a highball glass full of an amber liquid with oranges and cherries in it and smiled. "A man of few words, huh?" "I guess," Not wanting to delve deeper into the subject of my missing identity, I took a sip of my drink. It tasted strongly of whiskey, but it was sweet and slightly fruity as well. It was actually pretty good. "What is this?" "An Old Fashioned." He replied proudly, "It's the one cocktail I'm decent at making." "Well it's very good. So, tell me a little about yourself." I glanced around at his expensively furnished apartment, "I take it you're not a bartender..." He cocked his eyebrow at me and laughed softly. "No, I'm not. I work in tax law - not the most exciting job in the world, but I enjoy it." Seemingly out of topics of conversation, we sat in silence for a couple minutes. I surveyed the skyline silently. The lights sparkled innocently, spread out below us like a diamond-studded carpet. I took another sip of my drink and turned to look at Alex. He was gazing at me absent-mindedly, fingering a picture frame on the table beside him. I couldn't quite make out who was in it. Curious, I leaned forward to see. "What's with the picture?" Alex snapped to attention, and looked at the picture. "It's...that's nothing." He quickly set the picture frame down on its face and turned back toward me. He smiled innocently. Not quite buying it, I didn't want to push it. Especially since the night was looking up at this point. "Well, it's getting late. I should get you home, unless you want to stay for another drink?" "I...I could stay." An image of Cody flashed in my mind, but I pushed it away roughly. That was the past, and I needed to live in the present. "I think I would really enjoy that. In fact, I can think of a couple things that I would enjoy even more..." I looked over at him. He was eyeing me hungrily and a little triumphantly, like a cat that had chanced upon a mouse already caught in a trap, and I wanted nothing more than to stay and be his prey. In fact, at that moment, there was nothing I would have rather done that strip naked and let him plough me there on the Italian leather couch. I was, however, determined not to whore around, and so wanted to put up at least a cursory fight. "I don't know that that's a good idea, Alex." "I never said it was a good idea. But what I did say is that I would enjoy it, and I know of several ways that I can make sure you do too." He inched closer and started leaning in towards me. I laughed quietly to myself. "Wow, that's a line. Does that ever work?" "Every. Single. Time."