11 comments/ 8699 views/ 9 favorites Pathetic Ch. 00: Prologue Pt. 01 By: kipp412 This is my first attempt at a story. I got impatient with getting it reviewed and edited so hopefully it's structured well. I hope you all enjoy! Some feedback would be greatly appreciated as I have a plan on where to take the story. I would like to get some input if I should rework it first though, continue it, or move to another story entirely. Thanks! ***** "What the FUCK am I doing here?" I thought once again. I was starting to sound like a broken record, but I guess it was expected, considering I was completely out of my environment: Senior Prom. It stood for everything I hated. People putting in their best attempts to look good in the hopes that they receive compliments, except that those compliments were only given with expectation to be returned. A perfect example of a social tango that I felt sick whenever I was forced to participate. In reality though, it could all be described in one word: attention. Everyone, doing everything in their power to achieve that attention that they so desperately craved. I didn't understand it! I was much more satisfied to sit behind stage watching the play unfold, unnoticed, but that's just me... I should probably apologize for the run-on and make a proper introduction. I tend to get on a train of thought initially as a passenger, but get so wrapped up, I miss my departure by 5 or 6 exits before I notice. Only at that point it's too late. Everyone is already questioning if I'm a hobo hitching a train ride... Ok that was the last random thought, I swear. My name's Luc (sounds like Luke). My actual name is Lucca (my family is Italian) which in fact is the Italian equivalent of Luke. I'd look as you'd expect with my heritage, dark brown hair, brown eyes, and light olive skin. I was much to look at, considering those features and my average height, 5'10" and slim build, which helped me to blend in. I'm a senior, as I previously stated, and as a few weeks ago, no longer considered a minor. So there I was sitting at a chair, at an empty table, watching the play unfold, unnoticed, berating myself for giving in to attending this overrated social affair. I wasn't sure why I allowed myself to be badgered in to attending. I guess I was just so fed up with being lectured by my mother, one of the few people I actually could enjoy communicating with, and my only friend, Cassie. At the moment though, I was seriously reconsidering that title as she wasn't even here herself to keep me company. When I showed up to her door in my tux, she dared to give the response: "Psshh, please! Like I would go without a date!" "What the fuck are you doing??", a deep voice asked behind me, breaking me out of my trance. I jumped as my blood turned to ice and my adrenaline kicked. That was my instinct any time someone took notice of me. In my experience, it was rarely followed by a good experience, which is why I preferred to go unnoticed. I cautiously turned and looked up, preparing myself for the worst. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding when I saw that it was Brett. Unlike most douche bags at the school, like Max, Brett was someone that I could be near without having a coronary. It seemed like just about everyone liked him. He wasn't a typical arrogant jock, even though he was on the swimming, track, and soccer team. I never saw him angry or mean towards someone. In fact, he seemed to be nice to everyone. So there I was, sitting and trying to decide how to respond to Brett's odd question as he looked down at me with a smirk. Even if I hadn't been sitting, he'd still be looking down at me, thanks to his 6'3" height and muscular structure. "You're the last person I expected to be here, Luch. I thought you hated these things!" he said, as he grinned with a confused stare. I'm not sure where he got the nickname from, but he used it as far back as I could remember and was the only one to use it. "I do... I was nagged in to coming though." I quietly replied as I broke the eye contact. I never really liked to look at someone for long. I feared that it would allow the person to see something intimate about me. Not that I was hiding anything, since I was as much an enigma to myself as anyone else. "Where is she? Better yet, who made you come? It's kind of shitty to drag you out and then abandon you." he asked. "Why the hell is he so interesting?" I wondering silently. "Cassie wasn't feeling well" I lied to protect her image. "And I don't think they'd allow my mom to come." I regretted that additional info as soon as it left me mouth and immediately felt my cheeks burn. Why would I let him know that my mom still had that much control over me still? I was surprised when he let out a large bellow of a laugh rather than the scoff or scrunched, judgmental face that I was expecting. "Yeah, that may been a bit awkward for everyone", he said as he continued chuckling. There was stretched time of awkward silence as his laughter died off and he resumed his staring. I was expecting him to walk off after that but he seemed to have no intention to do so. Damn it, why couldn't I just be left alone? "What about you? There's no way you came solo, is there?" I asked, scraping for anything that could break that fucking stare. His smile quickly as he looked down and mumbled "Nah, my intended date wasn't available." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." I replied, actually feeling bad. "Nah, no worries. I'm expecting things to turn around" Brett said, as his smile and stare returned. "Oh well, that's good! I don't want to get in the way of that. I'll let you get back to her." I replied, probably too quickly after seeing an opportunity to end this. I just wanted to sulk for another ½ hour before this was over. "I'm in no rush. I have a feeling things will work out on their own." he said as he sat down backwards in the chair next to me and leaned forward. I immediately tensed up from his close vicinity. I never had much physical contact or even got close to others like this so I was way out of my comfort zone. I swallowed hard as we fell in to another awkward silence. His blue eyes almost seemed electrified as he continued staring. "It really drives me crazy, Luch. that I can't seem to figure you out. You always seem to fall back in to the shadows with any group event and no one seems to notice. Why? How could you possibly enjoy being so unnoticed?" his said as his eyes seemed to darken and take on an almost sympathetic expression. "I just don't trust people. It's easier to not be noticed than to risk someone being mean." I answered before I could even process what he had asked. I'm pretty sure his shocked reaction mirrored mine, since that was a fact I didn't even know myself. "Well that's too bad... Sure there are some dicks out there but not everyone is that bad. A lot of people like you, too! I seriously doubt you'd have much trouble making friends," he said as he frowned and added on, "or girlfriend." Ignoring the lie that I could be popular, I managed to catch myself before I replied. I actually didn't find an attraction to any girls. I had filed myself as asexual years ago. I rarely got hard or jacked off and just couldn't imagine any enjoyment out of having sex. "Yeah well, school's nearly over so I might as well wait for college." I said, trying to avoid his interrogation. "But don't you feel lonely? I mean, you must have a desire to be close with someone at some point." he said with an even larger frown. I felt my heart rate increase as I started to worry that he was starting figure me out. That possibility seriously scared the shit out of me. I started to stutter as my panic took over before Brett's smirk returned and he cut me off. "You know what? This isn't the place for this type of conversation." I started to calm down, thinking he was going to leave finally. "Let's move it to a better spot." he continued as he stood up and held out his hand. What the fuck? Before I could even process what he said, I was pulled out of my chair being led out of the auditorium. Suddenly, we were walking through the guys' locker room in to the shower. My panic really started to take over then and my heart felt like it was exploding. What the hell was happening? Brett suddenly stopped and turned around, placing his hands on my shoulders. He seemed to look directly in to my soul with those electric blue eyes as he took some deep breaths. "Luch, I've been wanting to say this for so long." he whispered as his eyes started to tear up. "I really like you." OK, that was cool but why the big production? I know I wasn't popular but he didn't make a huge secret if he thought that I was potential friend. "I mean I'm in love with you", he whispered even softer, "and I have been for awhile now." What the fuck? Oh wow, alright things were making more sense now. "You're amazing in every way." he continued. "You're so fucking sexy and you have this humble aura about you. It makes me want to be near you and comfort you every minute of my life. I wanted to ask you to prom, but was too terrified. I'm not out and I wasn't sure how you would react. I'm such a fucking coward. But I'm ready now and I just want to make you happy. Would you please give the chance?" By the time he had finished, he was inches from me. I felt his breath on the top of my head as his bottom lip grazed my forehead. I was feeling things I'd never felt before. My heart was pounding, but felt so elated. My dick was hurting from being so hard. My mind was in such a haze. I felt so confused and yet comfortable at the same time. Most of all though, I was scared. Oh fuck I was terrified. Despite the mesh of thoughts running through my head, I was hit with one solid, clear message: This is right and you need to go for it, my heart told me. Brett's hand was suddenly under my chin nudging my face up. I stared at those eyes once again, only this time it hit me how gorgeous they were. I slid my hands up his strong, muscular arms as his lips met mine. My entire body felt electrified as we made contact and my knees buckled and I felt myself start to collapse. In that split second though, Brett's hands shot under my pits and he caught me, holding my entire weight with his impressive strength. "Holy fucking shit!", he chuckled against my lips as he deep voice rattled my chest and heart, "All my fantasies combined were nothing compared to that." I'm sorry." I mumbled as went red again. "My body doesn't seem to be working anymore.' His laughing grew louder as he whispered, "Fuck, how cute are you?" That encouraged the burning in my cheeks to travel up to my ears as he planted another kiss, this one was deeper, longer, and oh so much more sensual. If had any control left, it was gone now. My senses were in overload at this point and could only manage to whisper to him with half closed eyes and a lust filled haze: "I'm not sure I can survive another one of those." His renewed chuckling was cut off as I threw myself at him. I hadn't even realized what I was doing until my hands were up the back of his shirt, massaging his thigh muscled back as I sucked on the base of his neck and wrapped one leg around him to hump against him. What hell was happening to me? He could only manage groan as he slipped his own hands down the back of my pants to grope my cheeks. My body instantly started to convulse and I was afraid I was already falling over the edge to climax. "Fuck, it's so sexy how responsive your body." he whispered in to my ear and then snaked tongue around the outside of my ear. The only thing I could at that point was whimper. I was suddenly petrified when his hand slid to my front and grabbed my raging member. The only description I could give the sound I made in response was animalistic. I felt like I was floated and drowning all at once. I started to smear my leakage around as he jacked me, and I was amazed at how close I was to already shooting. Wait... hold up" I said urgently as I grabbed Brett's arm. He easily could have over powered me and continued but instead he looked down with confused, and almost hurt face. "I... I need.." I paused as I tried to figure what I was even trying to say. "What is it, Luch?" he asked. "I'll give you whatever you need, stud." I thought I was falling again as I sank down only to realize I was doing it of my own accord. I grabbed his pants and slid them down along with me. My eyes slowly raked up his lean, powerful legs to see something that they should have statues and poems made after it. I had never even considered a dick as being something that could be complimented, but I could think of the word, perfect, as I studied Brett's. It was longer than mine, and thick, giving it an equally powerful look to match the rest of his body. It was so large that it looked like a mutated third leg, but large enough to emit an overwhelming aura of masculinity. "If you're too worried about the size, you don't have to anything yet." he said. "We can just-" He croaked as I dove on to the head. I had never considered giving head to a guy, but never felt more comfortable than I did at this moment. The taste exploded on my tongue and sent me through another wave of orgasmic convulsion. His slid down his length and swallowed as hit my throat without even a thought. "Ooooohh FUCK ME RUNNING!!" Brett grunted. "Who else have you sucked off!? No one's ever taken me so quick!" I could only moan in response as I basked in the euphoria of the situation. I had never felt more alive and happy than I did at this point. "This is too good, babe. I don't think I'm going to last" Brett grunted as I slid my hands up to his ass felt them clench. "You should pull out before I-" He never finished the thought but followed up with a squeak and moan as leaned forward on his toes, his hands grasping my hair as his head swelled and exploded. I was shocked to realize that my dick was caught between my kneeling legs and I was thrusting on instinct. I quickly followed him in to and orgasmic bliss as my taste buds exploded from his sweet nectar. We both were heaving and coming down from our high as we heard another deep voice from around the corner. "What in the heavenly fuck is going on here?" I froze and fell back in to my panicked state as Max, the star quarter back rounded corner with his equally douche bag sheep. I don't think I'd ever seen him without his gang. They were all holding a brown paper bag with what could have only been a bottle of liquor inside. Brett and I looked at each other with widened eyes as the group closed the distance. "Brett, I didn't know you had a fag bitch on the side to get you off. I never thought you would stoop as low as to recruit this shit head though." Max slurred as he stumbled, making his inebriated state obvious. I looked back up to Brett to see his gorgeous eyes darken. "Yeah well, I thought a nobody like him would be an easy cum dump. I had to put on a whole though to get him to open up his faggot mouth and get my rocks off." Brett growled as he looked down at me. I could only see hatred in his eyes now and heart felt like it was caving in on itself. For a few seconds, I could only get a few staggered breaths as I tried to grasp the situation. "Brett, I-" but never got a chance to finished the sentence. Brett's knee suddenly connected with my jaw and flew back on to my side as stars exploded in my vision. "What the FUCK is this!?" he hissed at me. With my head already on the floor, I saw some white liquid on his shoes. "You fucking cummed on me, faggot!?" he roared as his shoe suddenly flew at my face to connect with the side of my head. I let out a sob as I was flipped to my other side. I could only see red as my blood dripped on to my face. "What a sick fuck you are! I told you to not even think about getting off around me. NOW CLEAN IT UP!!" Brett screamed as he brought his foot down on my side. I heard something snap my core started convulse as I felt warmth spreading down my legs. I realized that I had lost control of bladder as I pissed all over myself. "I'm going to give you the privilege of touching this again." he hissed somewhere off in the distance. I could manage to make sense of his words as my vision blurred. "I'm getting the fuck out of here before he gives me some faggot disease." Brett scoffed as I watched his shoes walk off. "You guys can do whatever you want." As I laid there in a pool of my piss and blood, getting kicked and punch repeatedly, I only had one word run through my head: pathetic. The word kept repeating like a broken record as I allowed the darkness to take over. Pathetic Ch. 00: Prologue Pt. 02: Coward Thanks to everyone for the feedback provided! I just had a couple items I wanted to cover before getting to the story. When I started this part of the story, all the responses asked for a continuation so I decided to complete it. I didn't see the last two comments until the majority of it was finished. I want to apologize to the those readers. I was never my intention to disgust or upset anyone. I want to assure everyone that I'm not a sadist or masochist and I certainly don't support or enjoy causing pain in others. I realize now that I should have given a warning to the violence in the story. I assure you that it is the key element to the story and character progression and without it, there would be no story to share. I only ask that you give it another chance for the main part. The first submission was actually the first half of a prologue so this is a completion of it (from Brett's POV, so there is violence again) before the main story. I hope you all enjoy! Again, feedback would be greatly appreciated in addition to giving a score so I can get an idea of whether I'm improving or becoming worse. :-X Thanks! ***** "What the FUCK am I doing here?" I thought once again. I was starting to sound like a broken record, but I guess it was expected, considering this was the biggest social event of the year: Senior Prom. It stood for everything I loved. People putting in their best attempts to look good in hopes to feel good about themselves and to share a final experience with those they had grown up with before graduation. A perfect example of a social tango that I normally would be ecstatic to spectate. In reality though, it could all be described in one word: connection. Everyone, doing everything in their power to share a deep sense of belonging and joy with their date. My desire to have that grew so intense at times it was almost nauseating. I couldn't stand to sit here wallowing in self pity because the person I wanted to share this night with would never be caught at a place like this... I should probably apologize for the run-on and make a proper introduction. I tend to get on a train of thought initially as a passenger, but get so wrapped up, I miss my departure by 5 or 6 exits before I notice. Only at that point it's too late. Everyone is already questioning if I'm a hobo hitching a train ride... OK that was the last random thought, I swear. My name's Brett. I have a heritage from so many different origins that you wouldn't be able distinguish a single one from my features. I considered myself OK in the looks department with my fair skin, dirty blonde hair and, blue-gray eyes. I wasn't much to look at with those features alone, but with my tall (6'4") and bulked (190 lbs) muscular form, I tended to stand out amongst a large crowd. I'm a senior, as I previously stated, and became a legal adult earlier in the year. So there I was: sitting at a chair, at an empty table, watching the play unfold, unnoticed, berating myself for giving in to attending this social affair, only to be reminded of how alone I truly was. I wasn't sure why I allowed myself to be badgered in to attending. I guess I was just so fed up with being nagged by my jock team mates and some of the snobby cheerleaders. Don't get the wrong idea, they weren't terrible, it was just... they were the type of people you could only deal with in small doses. It didn't help knowing that if they truly knew me, they'd treat me like the spawn of Hitler and Justin Berber. At the moment though, I was seriously considering on ditching the group for the last few weeks leading up to graduation. After all, they ditched me the moment we walked in to the room. As I continued to scan the room for anyone that was alone and could enjoy talking to in an attempt to speed up the time, my eyes settled on a familiar head. As I stared at the back of the head, which was covered in flawlessly thick, dark brown (almost black) hair in that all to familiar, carelessly ruffled style, it turned. My suspicions as to who the head belonged to were confirmed once I saw one of those beautiful brown eyes that seemed to call out to my soul and nearly pull it from my body. At the moment, I was fairly certain that my heart had stopped beating and I was pale white. I still couldn't accept how easily I could be manipulated by this person's gaze. While I was well aware of the typical naivety for a person my age, I believed that there was no other explanation to this connection and draw I felt aside from love. Before I even began to formulate a thought after recovering from this drug-like trance, I realized my feet were carrying me towards the source of my yearning. "What the fuck are you doing??", I asked in a voice that was much deeper than my typical one. The difference managed to knock me out of my trance. I watched as the object of my desire jumped and immediately tensed. It seemed like that was always the initial reaction any time someone took notice. It tugged my heart each time as I wondered what could cause the this habit to development and made want to erase the source of it; followed by embracing and reassuring that everything was alright and I'd always be there for protection. The head slowly turned and looked up at me with a look of preemptive fear, which melted in to relaxation as ours eyes met. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding when I finally got a full look at the person who had claimed my heart: Luch. I knew I was gay from the moment I first saw Luch when he started at our school in 7th grade. I privately christened him with that nickname when he was forced to introduce himself to the class, automatically making him a target to prey on and bully. I think it was my way of marking him and creating a special bond between us that only I could sense. I felt terrible for the shy, small boy standing at the front, looking down so that his thick, dark hair covered those gorgeous eyes as he mumbled his introduction. I had always been extremely horny, even more so than the average teenage boy. But as I took in the combination of his body and mannerisms, I felt a surge of lust that was overwhelming and new. It took every once of control I had not to fling my desk aside and throw him over the teacher's desk, marking him as mine in front of everyone. Luch was my gateway in to my phase of sexual discovery. That very night when I got home, I immediately ran to my computer and searched for all the gay porn I could find until my dick was raw from all the rubbing. I felt elated until my step dad walked in and saw what I had on my screen. I don't think I had been as terrified as I was at that point. That was one event I never wanted to reenact again. I still cringe every time the memory of it bubbles up in my mind. After that night, I was terrified of anyone ever finding out my secret. I made a decision to remain in the closest until after graduation at least, when the consequences would be minimized, and that Luch would be the first person I would tell. So there I was, standing and waiting for a response from Luch as he looked up at me with an unneasines that I wanted to calm. Even he'd been standing, he'd still have to look up to keep eye contact. It was one more thing to love about him because it fueled my sexual fantasies; imagining all the things we could do thanks to his smaller frame. "You're the last person I expected to be here, Luch. I thought you hated these things!" I said, as I grinned with a confused stare. Judging by his reaction, I was sure that he still didn't get the nickname, despite how long I'd been using it. "I do... I was nagged in to coming though." He quietly replied as he broke our eye contact. He always seemed to avoid looking at me for long. I could feel this barrier come up every time I tried to connect deeper with him. Tonight, I was determined to break that wall down and accept the role of his confidant. I suddenly realized what he had said and was hit with a wave of jealousy and despair. Was it possible that I didn't even have a chance with him, not only because he had a date, but he was actually straight? "Where is she? Better yet, who made you come? It's kind of shitty to drag you out and then abandon you." I asked while attempting to mask my envy and fear. "Cassie wasn't feeling well" He simply stated. "And I don't think they'd allow my mom to come." Knowing his platonic relationship with Cassie, I relaxed as I felt relief wash over me. That only lasted for a brief though, once I saw him turn deep red from the statement he tacked on at the end. Holy shit, it shouldn't be possible to be that adorable! I couldn't help but crack up at his joke and immediate shyness. " Yeah, that may been a bit awkward for everyone", I said as I continued chuckling. There was a stretched time of silence as my laughter died off and I got lost in his eyes again. I got the notion that he was hoping for me to leave but I was determined to not be the coward that I was for just one night. Damn it, why couldn't I just say it!? "What about you? There's no way you came solo, is there?" he asked. My smile fell as I looked down and mumbled "Nah, the person I was planning to go with wasn't available." At least, not until now, I thought. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." he replied. He actually seemed to be sincere about it, too. That was another quality that made me love him even more. He always seemed so concerned about others well being and never seemed to desire attention, gratitude, or favors in return. "Nah, no worries. I'm expecting things to turn around" I said, as my smile returned and I locked eyes with him. "Oh well, that's good! I don't want to get in the way of that. I'll let you get back to her." he replied quickly, emphasizing on his uneasiness with the situation. "I'm in no rush. I have a feeling things will work out on their own." I said as I sat down backwards in the chair next to him and leaned forward. He immediately tensed up from my close vicinity. He didn't appear to be all that comfortable with being near another person. I felt my dick plump as he swallowed hard and I imagined the things he could do with that mouth and throat. I could feel the heat emitting from me as I continued staring. "It really drives me crazy, Luch. I can't seem to figure you out. You always seem to fall back in to the shadows with any group event and no one seems to pay attention. Why? How could you possibly enjoy being so unnoticed?" I said. It really did frustrate me that no one noticed this selfless and beautiful person. "I just don't trust people. It's easier to not be noticed than to risk someone being mean." He answered immediately. Shock hit me as I watched a similar expression appear on his flawless face. "Well that's too bad... Sure, there are some dicks out there, but not everyone is that bad. A lot of people like you, too! I seriously doubt you'd have much trouble making friends," I said as I frowned and added on, "or girlfriend." "Yeah well, school's nearly over so. I might as well wait for college." he said in what seemed an attempt to avoid actually answering me. "But don't you feel lonely? I mean, you must have a desire to be close with someone at some point." I said with an even larger frown. I felt my heart rate increase as I saw a stream of emotions pass over his face and I wondered if I was finally chipping away at that barrier. He started to stutter as panic took over before I smirked. "You know what? This isn't the place for this type of conversation." I said. He seemed to relax with that until I added on, "Let's move it to a better spot." He then switched to a look of confusion and bewilderment. Before he could object, I grabbed his hand and pulled him out of his chair, leading him out of the auditorium. As I lead him through the guys' locker room in to the showers. I could hear Luch's breath change from steady to shallow gasps. I felt terrible. The last thing I wanted to do was cause him to have a panic attack. I decided that I should pour my soul out to him before his state worsened, soI stopped and turned around, placing my hands on his shoulders. I mustered up the most intense look I could as I made eye contact with him in an attempt to reach his own soul. "Luch, I've been wanting to say this for so long." I whispered as my eyes started to tear up. "I really like you." The only response I received was total silence. I felt my heart start to race as I realized I needed to man up and stop tip-toeing around. "I mean, I'm in love with you", I whispered even softer, "and I have been for awhile now." This time, I heard him gasp in response. I decided to finish my speech before giving him a chance to make a decision and respond. "You're amazing in every way." I said. "You're so fucking sexy and you have this humble aura about you. It makes me want to be near you and comfort you every minute of my life. I wanted to ask you to prom, but was too terrified. I'm not out and I wasn't sure how you would react. I'm such a fucking coward. But I'm ready now, and I just want to make you happy. Would you please give the chance?" As my speech tumbled out, I had closed the gap between us so that by the end, we were a mere inches apart. My breath at that point was heavy and fast, and was blowing out on the top of his head as I gave the lightest of kisses on my love's forehead. If the feelings I felt before were overwhelming, what I was feeling now were surely symptoms of a heart attack or stroke. I'd never felt this before. My heart was pounding, but I felt so elated. I truly thought my dick would rip through my dress pants. My mind was in such a haze, trying to process dozens of thoughts and fears each second. Most of all though, I was scared. Oh fuck I was terrified of the possibility that this could all backfire and I could lose Luch forever. I'm not sure my heart could survive that. Despite the mesh of thoughts running through my head, I was hit with one solid, clear message: This is right and you need to go for it, my heart told me. My hand had moved under his chin of it's on volition, nudging his face up toward mine. I stared at those eyes once again, only this time, I could see a lust and magnetism in them that had never been present before. He slid his hands up my arms as my lips met his for the first time. I felt both of our bodies convulse from the incredible current that ran between us. Luckily, I still maintained some body control, unlike the smaller man in front of me. In a fraction of a second, my hands shot under his pits and I caught him as he started to collapse. I felt so amazing to literally be his support. "Holy fucking shit!", I chuckled against his lips as I felt his heart pounding against my chest. "All my fantasies combined were nothing compared to that." I'm sorry." He mumbled as he went red once again. "My body doesn't seem to be working anymore.' My laughing grew louder as I whispered, "Fuck, how cute are you?" That seemed to only instigate a stronger state of embarrassment as the red traveled up to his ears. I planted another kiss. This one was deeper, longer, and oh so much more sensual. My restraint was rapidly melting and I worried I would lose the little control I still had. Luch seemed to be under his own spell as he whispered in a raspy, lust filled voice: "I'm not sure I can survive another one of those." My chuckling returned but was cut off as he suddenly threw himself at me. By the time I registered the sudden change, his hands were up the back of my shirt, massaging my back as he sucked on the base of my neck and wrapped one leg around me to grind his erection against me. I thought I would explode right there, painting the walls, floor, and Luch in an ocean of cum. He was infinitely more sexy than I had imagined when horned up. He managed to let out a groan as I slipped my own hands down the back of his pants to grope his rounded, bubble cheeks. His body instantly started to convulse again and I thought he had already climaxed. "Fuck, it's so sexy how responsive your body is!" I whispered in to his ear. I then snaked my tongue around the outside of his ear. He let out the most adorable whimper in response. I felt him suddenly stiffen as I snaked my hand down his front and grabbed his hardness. The sound that escaped his throat from my action was the most erotic growl. Oh yeah, we were going to have a ton of fun. I started to smear his leakage around as I jacked him. I couldn't wait to see him fully lose control as he climaxed. Wait... hold up!" he said suddenly as he grabbed my arm. I easily could have ignored him and continued with the difference in strength but I decided to stop and looked down at him while trying to mask my hurt. Apparently he didn't want this after all. "I... I need.." he paused before a confused look fell over his face. Him biting his lip as he was deep in thought had to have been the cutest face yet. "What is it, Luch?" I asked. "I'll give you whatever you need, stud." I thought he had lost body control again as he suddenly lowered to the ground. I was at a lost for words when he suddenly grabbed my pants and slid them down along with him. His eyes slowly raked up my legs until they met my penis. He seemed to be enthralled and mesmerized by it. I knew I was a considerable size for my age, about 9 inches long and respectably thick. I didn't think it was large enough to make any run for the hills screaming, though. Apparently, Luch thought differently. "If you're too worried about the size, you don't have to do anything yet." I said. "We can just-" I never finished my sentence. I did, however, almost swallow my tongue as he suddenly dove on to the head. It was impossible for anything to be this amazing. It wasn't just the physical feelings, but the fact that it was Luch delivering me such pleasure. I was worried that it would end too quickly, but I had the feeling that even if this went on for hours it still wouldn't suffice. He slid down my length and swallowed suddenly just as my head hit his throat, causing it to slid further in. "Ooooohh FUCK ME RUNNING!!" I grunted. "Who else have you sucked off!? No one's ever taken me so quick!" He let out the sexiest of all moans in response as he continued to swallow around my pole. I had never felt more alive and happy than I did at this point. "This is too good, babe. I don't think I'm going to last!" I grunted as he slid his hands up to my ass. I felt them clench in response "You should pull out before I-" I never finished the thought but instead, followed up with a squeak and moan as I leaned forward on my toes, my hands grasping his amazing hair as my dick exploded. I was pretty sure that my balls had disintegrated from what was easily the most intense orgasm of my life. At the moment, I knew I could experience this repeatedly for seven lifetimes and would still want more. We both were heaving and coming down from our high as we heard another deep voice from around the corner. "What in the heavenly fuck is going on here?" I froze and felt my heart fall in to my stomach as Max, the star quarter back, rounded corner with his usual gang. They were all holding brown paper bags hiding what could only have been liquor. Luch and I looked at each other with widened eyes as the group closed the distance. "Brett, I didn't know you had a fag bitch on the side to get you off. I never thought you would stoop low enough to recruit this shit head, though." Max slurred as he stumbled, making his inebriated state obvious. As Luch looked up at me in fear, my mind began to fall in to a misty haze of panic and fear. I was suddenly back in my bedroom the night my step dad caught me. Only this time, everything was from his viewpoint. Red began to fill my vision as a rage I had never experienced took over. Pathetic Ch. 00: Prologue Pt. 02: Coward Before the piece garbage could even start to explain the disgusting sight on his computer screen, I exploded. The only sounds I could hear at that point, were muffled, as if I were underwater. I felt rather than heard a beast of a roar escape my lungs as my foot flew at the pervert's face in front of me. The coward whimpered as he rolled away, trying to escape. I could only see red at this point, as my rage escalated. My roaring continued as I brought my foot down to connect with his side. It seemed to be enough to quench my anger, though, as the red faded in to the edges of my vision. I could hear a deep rumbling from somewhere. It suddenly dawned on me that it was my own voice and with that realization, my bedroom disappeared and I was back in the boy's shower room. I looked down and saw what was easily the most horrifying sight in my life. I thought I was on verge of dying from shock. The love of my life was on the ground in a heap of blood and what smelled like piss, letting out gut wrenching sobs. I looked up to see Max and his group still there. I couldn't understand how I had allowed them to do this to my Luch. My heart and mind screamed to take the fuckers down and scoop my lover up so I could get him to safety. Instead, I did something that I would never be able to forgive myself for: I ran. As I left the room, I heard grunts and thuds from behind. A sudden wave of nausea took over and I barely made it to a toilet as I heaved. As the horrible sounds echoed in the distance, only one word repeated in my mind: coward. I was such a pathetic coward. Pathetic Ch. 01: Forgiveness Hey everyone and welcome to the main story! I want to thank everyone who's had the patience to stick with the prologue. I promise you that it was vital part of the story and that I felt this main part would not work alone. While I do have the main points and events planned in its entirety, I haven't decided how long it will actually be chapter wise. I don't want to rush through the story but I don't want to stuff it with so much detail that it becomes over bloated. I'm going to wing this and try to fall in to a good balance between the two. Please let me know your thoughts with that so I can adjust with each submission. The good thing for those who were disturbed by the events of the prologue is that we're past it now! I just ask that you trust the story will be having up beat sections as well as down. I truly believe that by the end of this, you will have enjoyed it and understand why I took the approach I did. Thanks again everyone and happy reading! ***** "What the FUCK am I doing here?" I thought once again. I was starting to sound like a broken record, but I guess it was expected, considering I was completely out of my environment: our graduating class' 10 year high school reunion. It stood for everything I hated. Everyone bragging about the accomplishments that they made over the past decade in a feeble attempt to claim the title as most successful graduate when in reality, everyone was too narcissistic to actually give a shit if they weren't the victor. A perfect example of a social tango that I felt sick to witness. In reality though, it could all be described in one word: attention. Everyone, doing everything in their power to achieve that attention that they so desperately craved. I didn't understand it! I was much more satisfied to sit behind stage watching the play unfold, unnoticed, but that's just me... My name's Luc (sounds like Luke). My actual name is Lucca (my family is Italian) which in fact is the Italian equivalent of Luke. I had made a somewhat dynamic change since graduation, both in physicality and personality. While I hadn't grown in height, I had increased my stature in size. I wouldn't consider myself muscular, but I had dedicated time to ridding myself of my skinny state. I hadn't made the transformation for reasons of appeal and attraction, but rather to give myself a boosted sense of security. The muscles I had grown felt almost like a sheet of armor to me. As far as social and personality went, I had learned that a full segregation of myself from my peers did not actually help to protect me. I had worked on allowing myself to open up just enough so that I could blend in while being able to avoid encouraging anyone from taking a closer look at me. I allowed a leak in my protective barrier that was just small enough to prevent a build up of pressure from the outside. So there I was sitting at a chair, at an empty table, watching the play unfold, unnoticed, berating myself for giving in to attending this overrated social affair. I wasn't sure why I allowed myself to be badgered in to attending. I guess I was just so fed up with being lectured by my closest (and only) friends, Justin and Maria. I'll really wish I had asked at least one of them to tag along so that I could feel at least somewhat comfortable. I could have also used their support to help accomplish my sole reason for attending. "What the fuck are you doing here??", a deep voice asked behind me, as if on cue from my last thought. I jumped as my adrenaline kicked. This was the moment I had been trying to mentally prepare myself for. But now that it was happening, all my resolve had caved. I felt my heart and blood begin to pump furiously as the speech I had practiced repeatedly was flushed from my mind. With a speechless and cotton dry mouth, I turned around. I sucked in a feeble attempt for air as my suspicions were confirmed. Brett was standing before me. I was hit with a flurry of emotions now that I was face to face with him: fear, joy, anger, but deep down I knew I sensed a small flame of desire. It was nothing that I couldn't keep under control, though. None of the those emotions were the driving force behind my decision to finally face Brett. My first thought as I looked him over was that the past 10 years had been good to him. He had the same dirty blond hair and blue-gray eyes, but it seemed a decent amount had changed aside from that. He somehow had grown even taller and larger. While not the lean senior I remember, he was still muscular but also bulky. His face had aged well, too. I could see he had developed a strong jawline that was covered under a coat of stubble. He had inconceivably become even more masculine. I realized I'd been studying him for longer than necessary and snapped myself out of it, not wanting to give him the wrong idea. But now that I had recovered my focus and resolve, I couldn't quit decide how to start. I guess surface talk was a good way to warm up. "Same as everyone else I guess. I wanted to see who's grown a beer gut and bald head since graduation." I said giving a small chuckle with it. That got a laugh out of him along with a large smile. It seemed like we could talk without it being tense or awkward. That was a good sign. "Well sorry to disappoint if you were expecting it to be me;" he said, "although I certainly don't have the physique that I did a decade ago. You, on the other hand, look amazing!" He backed is claim up with a scan up and down my body. I started to feel a slight panic as he checked me out. Shit, I needed to avoid giving him any opening to flirt with me, I thought. "Yeah, well I wanted to make sure I'd be able to protect myself. You never know what could happen." I replied, immediately regretting the words as they fell off my lips. I hadn't meant for the comment to be the jab I'm sure he saw it as. I had decided early on that I wouldn't throw any unnecessary or immature shots in to our conversation and I'd already failed. I thought I saw a small flinch in his face, but if he was burnt by my comment, he didn't show any other signs. "Yeah, there are times you can't really trust anyone but yourself," he answered softly while looking down at his hands, "so I think that's a good idea." I guess it had bothered him. "Anyways, catch me up with the past ten years of your life." I said, awkwardly trying to prevent any tension from forming. If I wanted to make any accomplishments tonight, there couldn't be any uneasiness between us. "What have you been doing? What do you do for work?" He looked up at me and I saw a flash of surprise followed by a smile that almost seemed thankful. "Well, I graduated from OSU with a Bachelor's in Business Management and Master's in Communications. I'm now VP of Public Relations in the company I've been at since graduation. What about you?" "That seems to fit you perfectly. I couldn't really think of a better career for you." I answered with a smile. "I'm just a lowly IT grunt for a company. I do the usual stuff: delivering PCs for new employees, managing the company cell phones that are given for business trips, setting up or fixing the AV equipment that's used for meetings, and of course cleaning up the viruses people get from downloading too much porn." Brett doubled over as he laughed uncontrollably until he was in tears. I was glad to see he was relaxed because it gave me a better chance of success. "Holy shit, I don't remember the shy boy from way back then being this funny! I wish you'd opened up more like this in high school. I could have had a lot more laughs through the years." "I learned that I needed to stop being such a recluse, if only a little." I answered. "It lowered the chances of any one getting suspicious of me being so different. I can hide in plain sight now." He had the same flinch on his face and I felt a twinge of guilt. I kept managing to throw dirt back in his face without the intention. I was worried that he was going to start pulling away and nervously brain stormed for other things to talk about. Before any ideas popped up though, Brett answered. "What happened to you back then? I mean I know what happened that night of prom, but after wards you just disappeared. You didn't come back to school and didn't show up for graduation. I even went to your house but you weren't there." The look in his eyes told me that he truly was concerned. This was it, the moment I'd been spending weeks for in mental preparation. He was giving the opening needed to cross the bridge. But now that the opportunity was before me on a silver platter, I couldn't seem to get my brain or mouth to function. Could I be any more pathetic? "I mean, you even missed your crowning, Mr Prom King!" Brett said with a grin. I gagged on the drink I'd been sipping to give myself some time to formulate a response. Are you fucking kidding me? I started panic. That was the last thing I wanted. They wouldn't have a ceremony or something for that tonight, would they? Just the thought of having to stand in front of this crowd had my heart in a frenzy. I guess my response to this new discovery had been obvious because Brett quickly followed up with, "I was just joking! It was stupid and awful joke I made because I was starting to panic. I'm sorry, I'm real dumb ass sometimes. Maybe this isn't the best place for this discussion. Would you like to go elsewhere?" I immediately felt my self returning to that night. Didn't he say nearly the same thing before he lead me away? I must have been an open book because I saw realization dawn on his face. "Nothing like that I swear! We can go somewhere public that will still give us the privacy we need to have this conversation. I was thinking something like Sweet Jo's. I'm sure you still remember where it is?' I slowly nodded. Sweet Jo's was a local diner/cafe that also served as THE place to hang out in high school. It sounded like a good idea for me. Nothing terrible could happen with so many people around, right? "Yeah, I think that's a good idea." I finally answered. He couldn't seem to contain his relief and grin at my response. "Great! I'll head there now and grab us a table!" Brett then turned to leave, but before walking away, he glanced over his shoulder at me. "Hey, if you decide to change your mind and not show up, I wouldn't blame you. You owe me absolutely nothing while I owe you everything. Still, I'd really love to chance to finally talk with you." With those words he headed out. Even just crossing the room, he was stopped to exchange pleasantries, which were then followed by lustful eyes. He always seemed to have some inexplicable ability to call attention to himself while maintaining a honest and good guy charm. Was I really going to go through with this? Like Brett said, there was nothing forcing me to keep my word, but I knew I had to go. I couldn't feel at rest if I chickened out. I needed this, and I felt that Brett needed it just as severely. Justin and Mary would never have let it drop if I came back empty handed, too. After giving my self a few minutes to breath, I stood and made my way to the parking lot. I refused to glance down the hall towards the locker room. I couldn't take any risks of ruining this chance. As I stepped out in to the cool, calming air and headed towards my Neon, I started to feel a sinking sensation. The hairs on the back of neck stuck straight out as I heard footsteps behind me. Before I even had a chance to process the situation and decide how to handle it, my hand instinctively shot out behind me, grabbing a wrist that must have been reaching out for my shoulder. My body followed it's lead in a spin, my foot circling in a low sweep. I knocked my pursuer off balance forcing his leg back with my sweeping kick. I followed by planting the same foot in front of his leg and reversed direction as I yanked on his arm with all my strength. My leg in front of his forced him to lose his grounding and I hauled him over my shoulder after grabbing the front of his shirt with my other hand. He slammed down to the ground flat on his back and an odd cough was forced out of him. I guessed that the wind had been knocked out of him so I used the opportunity to twist his arm in to a lock and plant my leg lightly against his throat to let him know I had the upper hand. I had no intention to do any more damage if it wasn't needed, but I had to assure that I was not in danger. I leaned in to see the man's face so I could have an identity. I was shocked to see that it was Max. I doubt that I was as shocked as him, however, having his ass handed to him by someone he use to beat up on a daily basis. I wouldn't lie and say it didn't feel empowering, but I certainly didn't feel any sweet taste of vengeance. I was just glad to see that my lifting and self defense training had paid off. "Holy shit, Carisi! What the fuck is your problem!?" Max yelled. "Do you shatter a guy's tail bone and spine every time they want a word with you? Fucking hell, I won't be able to sit for a week!" I didn't move from my position. There was no way I would give him an opening to hurt me again. That era had ended. "What do you want, Max? I have some important things I need to get done tonight and I don't have any time to be wasting." "You helping Miller to get off with your queer mouth, again?" Max retorted with a sneer. It quickly vanished, though. "Shit, I didn't mean to say that. I just wanted to apologize for all the shit I gave you. Even if I didn't like you, which I still don't, it didn't give me a reason to make your life hell." I remained in the same spot as I took his words in. Although this was great and a helpful step in me moving on, I didn't expect it to be a factor tonight. Being the macho, meat head Max was, I couldn't imagine this being easy for him. He deserved a response, but I didn't want it to draw out and cause me to miss my open window with Brett. "I'm over that shit, man. I was able to get past it and still make a living, so I got past all that a long time ago." Max must have been expecting this to be drawn out as well, because he had a surprised look on his face. "Bullshit! There's no way you could have let that shit go with a snap of your fingers." I gave an exasperated sigh. "Look, it's the truth! I'm not sure what else you want me to say but I-" "Is there a problem here?" I heard the familiar deep voice rumble from over my shoulder. "Because if there isn't yet, I'll make it my problem." "Fuck off Miller, this has nothing to do with you." Mark rasped. I decided to let him up. I had the feeling that nothing would happen now that Brett was here. I'm sure you're thinking that I'm the biggest dumb ass as you're reading this, but I had a feeling of certainty that I was safe to let him stand. "That's for me to decide. Where's your gang? They're not hiding out of sight, are they?" Brett answered through glaring eyes. He stepped right up to Mark, chest to chest, so that Mark had to crane his neck up to maintain eye contact. "Nah, those guys are long gone. They're either in jail or wishing they were after getting mixed up in the wrong crowds." Mark replied. Brett's intimidation tactic must have worked because he pivoted and walked off with out another word. "What the hell was that abo-" Brett started, but I cut him off. "I had it handled you know." I snapped, turning around to glare at him. "I don't need a personal body guard." "I could see that, but you didn't know if there were others. As impressive as that was, I doubt you could take on a group of people, little man." Brett answered with a smirk. That raised my temper even further. I hated to be treated delicately and not be taken seriously. Just as quick as it flared up though, it was gone instantly when he continued. "At least you taught me to never piss off an Italian. Although I have to admit, a hot headed Italian is pretty fucking hot. Anyways, I'll meet you at the cafe." He walked off as I turned dark red and sputtered. _____ As Luch walked in to the cafe, I looked over him once again. How the hell was it possible that he looked even better than he did 10 years ago? It took every ounce of my self control to keep myself from worshiping that body until he could hardly manage to call out my name. I reminded myself that I was far from deserving a second chance with him, despite how much my heart ached for it. That wasn't why I came to this stupid reunion anyways. Sure, it was for Luch, but not to ravish him, as much as I wanted. I just had to keep reminding myself to stay on track. I was shocked when he agreed to meet me here. I had prepared a huge speech and everything to convince Luch to listen to what I had to say. As much as a relief as it was that he was finally here, I felt anxious knowing the most difficult part was still to come. I just hoped that Trent and Jaden were right about this being worth it and that Luch would keep an open mind. _____ I spotted Brett as I walked in to the cafe and as our eyes met, I felt another twinge of desire. I knew that it was my body reacting to distant memories of pleasure and that my mind was what I should continue obeying. I wouldn't walk down that path again. I took a slow deep breath and made my way over to his table. As I sat down, my brain ran through dozens of ways to get the conversation started so we could get everything out in the open. Then I realized that he said he had some things he wanted say as well. That really worried me. I truly hoped that what he needed to tell me didn't make my goals that much more difficult to reach. "So a tech grunt, huh?" Brett suddenly asked with a smirk and arched eyebrow. "Don't get me wrong, it's the perfect area for you. I remember how much of a tech geek you always were, but I remember how smart you were, too. I always thought you had so much potential. Don't you think you're capable of more?" Before I could consider that he couldn't possibly know that this was a sore spot for me, I snapped back. "I'm completely satisfied with it. I certainly don't need some big wig title for your appeasement and approval." I wanted to take the words back as they left my lips. I knew that it was stupid to say as I was saying it, but sometimes I still allowed my temper to get the better of me. I was usually such a calm person, slow to judge or to be pissed at people. I still had my sensitive buttons though, and someone trying to influence my life decisions was one of them. I really expecting it to be another painful stab at Brett but was surprised when he chuckled. "Holy shit, I never realized how feisty you could be. But you're right, I'm not your dad and it's your decision. I just want you to know that I think there are few things you couldn't accomplish. I can't imagine how others could look at you and not see the same thing." "Thanks, and I'm sorry. I have some sensitive subjects that get me heated up fast and that's one of them. Normally, I'm pretty slow to get angry though." "I wouldn't want to see you angry. You couldn't pull off the green skin look." he replied. I couldn't help but snicker at the reference. "You got the wrong character. I'm the tech geek, remember?" I answered with a smirk. "Ohhh so you're, the billionaire philanthropist, eh? Yeah, I could see why everyone would want a piece of you then." We both cracked up at our lame joke as the waitress walked up to take our orders. After she walked away, we made eye contact and then looked down in an awkward silence. "So what did happen to you after that night? I never- That was the last I saw you. I couldn't get any answers as to what happened. God Luch, I.. I think about that night at least once a day, every day." I knew I had to be honest with him if we were going to get anywhere. "When I came to, I called my mom. I made it out to the parking lot and she picked me up. She took me home and was cleaning me up when my dad got home from his daily drinking. He started asking questions when my mom pulled him aside and whispered some stuff to him. I'm still not sure what she said, I was pretty out of it that night, but somehow she knew what happened. All of it. My dad's a hot headed person but I'd never seen him like that. He completely lost it. He called me so many things. Pretty much all the stuff that I had already been called that night. He threw me out of the house. My mom quickly followed out. I know she loved me but she always put him first. She was afraid of him and I couldn't blame her for that. Anyways, she drove me out to a motel out a ways and got me a room. She gave me money and some first aid stuff. I was there for a few weeks, resting up from the injuries. She brought my diploma and everything I needed, and helped me out until my dad found out. She came to my room that day with a black eye and said she couldn't help me anymore. I didn't know what to think. I felt so terrible for her and yet, so betrayed. I wish she had possessed the strength to leave him, but it just never happened. Anyways, after that I moved on. He at least agreed with her to let me keep my car as long as he never had to see me again. So I just drove. I kept driving until the hunger and sleep were too much and stopped at another motel. The next day, I went to the nearest town and managed to get a job at Best Buy. I took on side jobs to work on people's computers to make a living. Eventually, I saved up enough and qualified for enough scholarships and loans so I enrolled in an online university. Eventually, I landed this IT job." Pathetic Ch. 01: Forgiveness I was expecting Brett to be affected by my story, but I knew if we were going to accomplish anything, I had to be honest with him. As I got further in to the story, he teared up. Tears were freely falling from his face by the end. "Jesus Luch, I swear I never wanted to cause you so much pain. I wanted the opposite. I truly wanted to protect you from all the horrible things this world had to offer and threw your way. I failed so miserably. I want you to know that not a single night went by that I didn't think of you. I betrayed you in the worst possible way. I want you to know I didn't mean a single word I said that night. You were the last person to deserve what happened to you. I'd take it back in an instance if I could, willing to sacrifice whatever part of me to do so. But I can't. I'm not going to offer you an excuse or a reason for that night. There is none. I was a coward. The worst kind of fucking coward. I left you when you needed me the most. I know I'm the worst piece of shit to come in to your life for doing that. But I want you to know, that I am sorry with every fiber of my being. You have no idea how deeply I regret that night and the remorse I feel. I'm not trying to guilt you. I just want you to know that I really am trying to not be that horrible person any more. I'm sorry Luch, so fucking sorry. I'd rather have cut off my arm than cause you the misery that I did that night." As Brett gave me his speech, he had leaned forward and allowed to tears to pour. He grabbed my hand in the two of his during and was shaking it by the end, leaning his forward against it as he was racked with sobs. "Brett, I didn't come here tonight for you to apologize or for you to torture yourself by stirring up all those painful feelings. I knew the kind of person you were and still are. I looked back and remembered the caring guy I went to the school with and knew that you couldn't have possibly have done the things you did without a valid reason. You don't have to tell me what it is. The reason I came to this reunion though was to let you know I forgave you a long time ago. I wanted to make sure you weren't still burdened by all this guilt." "There's no possible way you could forgive me. That's fucking bullshit. Who could possibly-" "I learned awhile ago that there was no benefit to carrying anger and resentment. I guess it was one of the few beneficial things my dad taught me, even if it was unintentional. So I DO forgive you Brett. Don't hate yourself. I just ask that you give yourself peace. Let yourself move on." Silence settled at the table as Brett started intently in my eyes to, I assume, judge if I meant what I had said. I had no concern though because I knew had spoken from the heart. Others may have viewed it as a flaw, but I really did get over any issues I had fast. It was difficult for me to stay mad someone even if I tried, which I never really wanted to. "OK." He finally said, breaking the silence. "I guess I'll have be satisfied with that for now. Although, when it does finally dawns on you what I prick I actually am, let me have it. Don't hold back either." I thrown off by the last part, but not because of the smirk he had or him encouraging me to act out on any rage I might feel. "I'm not sure I follow. You're making it sound like I'll just be able to call you up when I'm angry. This is the first time we've seen each other since that night. Are hoping for us to become-" "Friends! Just. Friends. I know I lost the right to call you anything more when I failed you. I'd still really like to become friends. I really think we could have fun hanging out and getting know each other more. Even if it can't be the way I originally wanted it, I'd still like you in my life in some form." As Brett finished, he gazed at me with hopeful eyes. He really almost go me there. I never truly got what a sad puppy face meant until now. It was so freaking adorable. I had to keep my resolve, though. "Brett, I really appreciate you coming to find me tonight and tell me all this. I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it must have been for you. The truth is though, a person can't truly be friends with another unless they trust one another. There are so few people I trust in this world. I don't even think I've trusted another person enough to open fully and let them see me in my entirety. I really wish I felt otherwise and I'm so, so sorry to say this, but I don't think I could ever trust you, Bret. Not again." The guilt I felt as I saw Brett's face fall was indescribable. I think my heart broke right along with his. I was such a bastard. Still, I couldn't let myself open up like that ever again. The risk just wasn't worth it. "I- You... You're right, Luch. I should have thought of that. It really was ignorant of me to think otherwise. I'm sorry to pressure you like that. I truly appreciate you giving me this time to talk and for forgiving me. Still I-" I didn't give him a chance to finish because, as he was saying all this, Brett went back to soul connecting gaze. I hadn't even realized he was slowly stretching out his hand towards mine until it connected. I felt a small jolt that went straight to my crouch. Holding back a moan, I realized that I had to get out of there before I lost my resolve. "I appreciate you doing all this too, Brett. I have to go though. I promised I'd get some viruses off a laptop over the weekend." I ran out without looking back at what I was sure was the most devastated of faces. _______ "You SLUT!!" "How was I a slut!? It's not like I got him off under the table!!" After catching up on my usual emails from the weekend, I caught Justin and Maria up on the events of the weekend. After I had lost contact with Cassie following the Prom night fiasco, I was basically friendless. I had been working here for a few weeks without really talking to anyone beyond work related subject. One day during lunch, however, Maria had decided that we were going to be friends. Being my boss and all, she didn't give me an option. A strong willed, Italian woman in her late 30s, Maria was someone I really admired. She was able to tell people how it was and stick to her beliefs with endurance of an ox, yet she had the compassion and selflessness of a mother with her child. She had basically become my surrogate family. I could always expect advice from her, whether I wanted it or not, and it was usually correct. With her dark, shiny hair, tan complexion, and full lips, she managed to make many women envy her and just as many men desire her. If hadn't been so screwed up sexually and if she were single, I'm sure I'd want her just as badly. Her husband, Drake, was just as supportive to me as she was. On that day, she came up to my usual lunch table that I sat at alone and joined me without out a word. As much as I wanted to remain a loner, I couldn't help but grow to like her and count on her to a be a constant in my life. She dragged Justin along with her, as was expected. I noticed that she always seemed to keep him at her side, as a mother hen would with one her chicks. She seemed to believe in that scenario as well with how she treated him as one of her own. It seemed like Justin needed it, too. While many had considered me smart and super tech geek, Justin was light years ahead of me. He had gained his Master's Degree at the age of 21 and shortly after, started at the company. Maria immediately picked up the level of his real intelligence and low level of confidence. She immediately decided to nurture him at that point so he could reach his full potential. With light blond (nearly white) hair and an almost equally fair skin tone, Justin's physical features reinforced how different the two were, though. Those instances that Maria would become too pushy or fired up, Justin managed to pull back the reins. They made for an impressive team. We quickly became close friends, though I had never opened up about my past life. At least, no until my birthday when they had ensured that I get hammered. That night they asked me why I never dated and in my drunken stupor, my wall easily crumbled as I opened up and told them my depressing story. I decided to never drink again after that. I couldn't risk being so vulnerable to another person like that. After Maria's rants and threats of how she was going to track Brett, Max and his gang, and my parents down and do cringe-inducing things to their genitals. They sat down and gave me the support I needed. They also pushed to consider if having some form of closure with Brett would be good for me. We had agreed that the reunion was a great opportunity. Which was why I was sitting there on a Monday morning, arguing with Maria on whether I was a whore or not. "You wanted to jump him so badly that you had to leave just from him touching your HAND!? How is that not slutty!?" I blushed deep, despite knowing she was just teasing me to try and help lighten the mood. "At least I was able to control myself. I've NEVER been like that with anyone else. I don't get why he still had that effect on me. I'm just glad I managed not to embarrass myself. He obviously doesn't really have feelings for me. He even said he didn't mean a word he said that night. I don't think I could have dealt with making a move on him AND being rejected." "I think we should all just be glad that it turned out as well as it did." Justin said. "There could have been so many more outcomes. Plus you even go to kick one of your bully's ass. I wish have could have seen that. I bet you had looked liked Nightwing or something. You're such a bad ass!" If anyone rivaled me in geekiness, it was Justin. We would spend hours arguing about video games, movies, comics, or anime. It usually wouldn't end until Maria ended it for us, too. "I told you, I didn't kick his ass. I just... knocked him on his ass." I couldn't help but grin as I blushed even deeper. At that moment, I heard my email chime and saw that it was a IT request to fix some AV equipment in one of the meeting rooms. "Alright, I have to go take care of this and then we'll continue this argument on whether I'm a bad ass or not." "Can you not continue it please? It would probably end up leading in to another geek fight. I don't think I could hear another 'Could Doomsday beat Hulk' or 'Could Goku pick up Thor's hammer'! I'll fire you both if it happens." I laughed as I walked out of the room and headed down to the elevator. As I rode up, I replayed the night in my head and questioned my decisions. Maybe I should have given Brett the chance of being my friend. I did say I forgave him. No, there's no way it could have worked out. I know I'd flash back to that night if were to be around him regularly and I don't think he could treat me as a real friend. Something told me that he'd treat me real delicate and couldn't have the usual friendly banter that I had with Justin and Maria. I wouldn't have been able to deal with that. Another hot button for me was getting special treatment or pity. I had always worked for the things in my life and I was too proud to let that change. I broke out of my thoughts as the elevator chimed and the doors opened. I walked down the hallway until I saw the room mentioned in the email and entered. "Hi and good morning, I'm Lucca from the IT department." I said as I shook the big wigs hand. "I got an email that there was an issue with this meeting rooms equipment?" "Yes, I need to give this presentation that I have saved on my laptop. I have it connected to the cord for it show up on the TV, but the screen is staying blank." I suppressed a groan as I instantly decided what the issue was. I really wish that trained everyone on how to use the equipment. It really wasn't that difficult. "Did you switch the input to PC IN?" I asked knowing full well he probably wouldn't understand the question. "All I did was plug it, OK? I don't have time for questions. This meeting is starting in a few minutes and the rep from the company we're working with is on his way up as we speak. So just get it done, son." I kept from rolling my eyes as I picked up the remote for the TV and hit changed the input. The laptop's screen was instantly duplicated on the TV. "There you go, sir. Anything else I can help you with?" Before he could answer, there was the sound of a throat clearing behind us. As it reached my ears, I felt a chill run down my back. "Oh! Mr. Miller, welcome! I'm sorry to have you waiting please come in." The jerk had said. I assumed that his next statement was directed towards me, but I wasn't sure since I was frozen in place. "Son, say hello to Brett Miller and then we'll get started with our meeting." I finally turned around and connected with those familiar, soul piercing eyes. That had a look that fit the smirk his thick lips held. I wasn't able to catch myself in time as I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind. "What the FUCK are you doing here?" Pathetic Ch. 02: Friendship "Hi and good morning, I'm Lucca from the IT department." I said as I shook the big wig's hand. "I got an email that there was an issue with this meeting room's equipment?" "Yes, I need to give this presentation that I have saved on my laptop. I have it connected to the cord for it show up on the TV, but the screen is staying blank." I suppressed a groan as I instantly decided what the issue was. I really wish that they trained everyone on how to use the equipment. It really wasn't that difficult. "Did you switch the input to PC IN?" I asked knowing full well he probably wouldn't understand the question. "All I did was plug it in, OK? I don't have time for questions. This meeting is starting in a few minutes and the rep from the company we're working with is on his way up as we speak. So just get it done, son." I kept from rolling my eyes as I picked up the remote for the TV and changed the input. The laptop's screen was instantly duplicated on the TV. "There you go, sir. Anything else I can help you with?" Before he could answer, there was the sound of a throat clearing behind us. As it reached my ears, I felt a chill run down my back. "Oh! Mr. Miller, welcome! I'm sorry to have you waiting please come in," the jerk said. I assumed that his next statement was directed towards me, but I wasn't sure since I was frozen in place. "Son, say hello to Brett Miller and then we'll get started with our meeting." I finally turned around and connected with those familiar, soul piercing eyes. They held a look that fit the smirk on his thick lips. I wasn't able to catch myself in time as I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind. "What the FUCK are you doing here?" I could tell that Brett was trying to hold back from laughing as the big walrus of an oaf sputtered in shock. My heart was racing at a dangerous pace, whether it was due to yet another confrontation with the man that held such an influence over me or for the now shaky security of my job, I wasn't sure. "Excuse me!?" The old man roared, snapping me out frozen stance. "That is not the way to greet a man of Mr. Miller's status. You WILL apologize this instant and then pack your things." He turned towards Brett as if I no longer existed. "Words can't express the regret I have for this employee's actions towards you, Mr. Miller. I want to assure you that we would never normally hire someone with such an uncivilized character. You won't have to deal with this trash again" "Actually, Luch and I go way back. All the way to high school, in fact. What he said is... a running joke between us, of sorts. It's spirited people like him that a company should look for, not 2 dimensional soul suckers, such as yourself. In fact, I think this meeting has become meaningless. I'm not sure if our companies should continue to coagulate after what I've just seen. And if Luch is truly fired, as you stated. Then maybe I'll take this as an opportunity to obtain a truly unique employee. You're people won't be hearing from mine. Have a good one." There was a full 10 seconds of silence as the big wig's face reddened until it resembled a tomato. His big wig (ironic I know) had slowly slid to the side of his head. His sputtering returned as Brett placed his hand between my shoulders and guided me out of the room. I offered no resistance as I was too overwhelmed with the sudden events that had taken place. "So I guess now you can finally move on to something that is good enough for you, huh? What a crazy coincidence that we met again here, of all places. I guarantee that you'll be happy that I got you out of this hell hole and am giving you such a great opportunity. This will all be for the be-" "Are you fucking kidding me!?" I spat. "You just lost me my job and now you actually expect me to hold some gratitude for you!? You arrogant asshole! Who the fuck do you think you are!?" "I really can't decide if you're cute or hot when you're pissed off," he replied. " Honestly, I think it's a bit of both." "Shut the fuck up! What is WRONG with you? Can't you even tell that I'm struggling to not knock you on your ass right now!?" But Brett continued to act like he was deaf to my voice. "Are you going to lead me to your workplace or what?" I huffed in exasperation as we stepped in to the elevator and I punched for the floor of my department. Brett just chuckled to himself the entire ride down. I stormed ahead at a fast pace and he had no issue keeping up thanks to his long, muscular legs allowing him to take huge strides. Holy shit, I thought, the guy gets me fired and I'm thinking of his body. I should really be asking what the hell is wrong with me! As I stomped in, Maria was the first to greet me. "So what ended up being the huge catastrophe this time?" She asked without looking up. "Was it dead batteries or did they forget to hit the power button? I seriously don't get how these ass wipes manage to not drown themselves in a toilet each time they take a piss. Seriously, does it concern anyone else that these jackasses are the ones running this company?" "You know I actually managed to nearly drown in a toilet myself once. I really felt bad for the guy that had to give me mouth to mouth." Brett answered. Both Justin and Maria, instantly jumped at the deep, unrecognizable voice that filled the room. If I hadn't been so pissed at the douche, I may have been on the floor in tears, laughing at their reactions when they saw him. "I- uh - That is you- er... Holy fuck." Maria rambled. I decided then that I'd write this date down.. This was the first I'd ever seen Maria at a loss for words. She was doing better than Justin, however. He just continued to stand there with his blue eyes resembling a Chihuahua's and his mouth opening and closing in an impressive interpretation of a fish. "OK... maybe it's good that you guys work with computers and not people." Brett said, chuckling. " I usually don't stereotype but I guess tech geeks really don't have great communication skills. I thought it was just Luch here." That snapped Maria out of it. "Did you just call him Luch?" She asked as her eyes narrowed. Oh shit, I had to intervene before this got bad. "That must mean you're-" "Sure does!" Brett said as he stepped forward, holding out his hand. "I'm Luch's friend from high school, Brett. It's great to meet you-" He didn't finish the sentence. As he replied to her, Maria stomped towards him and swung her huge, expensive, and extremely heavy keyboard upwards, connecting with Brett's jaw. He started to stumble back as she followed with a knee to the gut and baseball swing with the now defective keyboard right to the side of his head. Brett crumpled in to a sack as keys scattered the floor. The only sound that filled the room was Maria's heaving breathing as she calmed herself. "This fucker owes me a new keyboard," She stated calmly as she dropped the board on top of Brett, turned, and walked back to her desk. ______ It started as it always did. The heavy footsteps echoing off in the distance. With each thud, the walls shook and the items on my dresser and desk fell and scattered to the floor. Each stomp caused my computer to jump, drawing my attention to the monitor which displayed a picture I had saved and viewed a countless amount of times that night. Two grown men engrossed in an erotic and lustful embrace. It wasn't the muscles or the nudity that drew my attention. It was the connection. There seemed to be a passion there that transcended all the other generic run of the mill porn photos I had found during my search. The moment I came across the picture, I knew that's what I needed. I couldn't survive if I didn't make that connection soon and deep down, in my heart of hearts, I knew the connection had already been made. my other may not have felt it, but I was certainly aware of the pull. Lucca was my light. I felt that it was my destiny to have him. But as the stomping drew closer, the vibrations increased. The walls began to split and the monitor toppled to its side, creating a crack between the two men. The man had changed, though. It was now Luch and I that were embraced. The crack grew until we were split. My heart felt as if it split along with it. But I didn't have time to mourn, for fear that my room was about to cave in. Suddenly, the door exploded and chunks of wood flew everywhere, stinging my eyes. In the destroyed door way stood a dark figure, it possessed no features but I knew who it was. My tormentor, my fear, my step father. I tried to leave my chair, hoping to dive under the bed or run around him, given the chance. But I was cemented to the seat. He made one massive step in to the room, causing the floor to split and my chair to topple over and throw me on my back. As he towered over me, he grew in size. The massive figure let out an earth, trembling roar. I covered my ears, afraid that they would implode. I knew the message of the roar though. It was judgment and fury at my perversion. I balled up, cursing myself for being the freak that I was. As I cowered, I began to feel anger towards my light. It was his fault for the thoughts that I had now. He corrupted me. I felt a split in my mind as I had these thoughts. One entity grew in fury, cursing the boy who ruined my life. The other knew that this was all irrational. The boy was pure and innocent. He had no hand in this event. That side turned towards the monitor, hoping to find strength in the image of Luch. But the photo had changed again, now replaced with something warped and violent. Luch now possessed a face terror and pain while I had a look that only held fury and hatred. I wanted to smash the monitor, defend my love. But my other side continued to dig his grave, imagining all the terrible ways to exact vengeance. As I turned back to the scene enfolding in my room, I now had two point of views. The entity that had cursed Luch now stood in my step father's place. The other was on floor and continued to turn away from the monitor. Both saw Luch at the same time, curled in a ball and shaking with heavy sobs. The defender tried to reach for him and protect him. The accuser raised his foot slowly. Here I was again, the opportunity to protect my love and I was too much of a coward to move. My fear had chained me to the floor. As I screamed for Luch, I heard the scream of a woman telling me to get up, followed by wave of cold water in my face. ______ As I sputtered, cold and drench, my mind spun its wheels to reorient myself and figure out what was happening. It took a few moments to grasp that my dream wasn't real and that I was staring at 3 pairs of legs: one cute, one unnatural sexy, and the other overflowing with rage (I know, that's a lot of insight from legs but I'm good at reading others). I looked up to see Maria stooped over me poised with her mangled keyboard above her head. I flinched and held my hands over my head. If I had been straight, this woman would have terrified me in to giving up all women permanently. "Alright! That's enough, Maria, you've made your point!", the little guy said, grabbing her arm. She easily could have overwhelmed the cute kid if she had wanted, but he seemed to have some influence over her. "It'll never be enough," She mumbled. "Not when this worthless piece of shit is in my sight." She seemed to have more insults to spit out but Luch cut her off. "Did you forget that we already talked, Maria? I've forgiven him and we've moved on. That was suppose to be it until he showed up here and quit my job for me." "HE WHAT!?" she shrieked, raising her keyboard once more. "How the fuck did he manage that!?" "Like I said, he showed up. I said something that I shouldn't have in front of the big wig, out of shock at Brett's impromptu appearance, so he's kicking me to the curve. I may have been able to grovel to get it back but this idiot jumps in without giving me a chance to get a word in and seals the deal. I don't know what I'm going to do now." "I was trying to tell you, I can either get you a job at my company or you can use me as a reference for another one." I said, forcing my way in to the conversation. I really hated when people talked about me as if I wasn't there, even if one of them was going for a second concussion by keyboard. "I don't want your help, not after the shit you just pulled." Luch snapped. "Well if you're going, we are, too. You're not getting rid of us that easily," Maria replied. "I'm not going to let you quit for me," Luch said. "You two need to stay here. There's not point in-" "I'll ignore the fact that Maria volunteered for me and just agree with her." the little guy muttered. "I wasn't planning on staying here for long anyways. I've been here as long as I have, more out of comfort and to be around you guys, than anything. This is a good chance for me to get out and grow." "Where would you go?" Luch asked. "I mean, there's not much you couldn't do, Justin." "Well, you know that I've always wanted to get in to the video game design field. Maybe this a sign that now's the time. I could work on some kind of demo and then maybe create something on Kickstart to get the funding I need." "Are you serious!? That's perfect!! I'd love help you start that, if you'd have me." Luch said with a sparkle and hope in his eye that I hadn't seen since we had reunited. "You're kidding, right? There's no way I'm letting you get out of working with me so easily. We could make a great team. You'd lead with the art and design while I can lead the programming. We can collaborate on story and script! Maria, you would be perfect for recruiting, hiring, project schedules, and budgeting. That is, if you're interested." By this point, Luch and Justin had grabbed each others hands and were bouncing up and down like kids on a sugar high. I would have laughed at the adorable scene if I hadn't felt a twinge of jealousy. "Of course I'm interested. You two would seriously crash and burn if I wasn't there to keep you on track. I'll have to talk to Drake first, but I doubt he'll tell me no." Maria said with a smirk. "The whole recruiting and hiring may be ways off without having a budget from the start, though. Will you guys be alright financially until we can make some profit?" They both nodded eagerly. I was trying to gauge which of their heads would roll off first. "Actually, if the three of you would accept it, I'd be more than happy to sponsor this. I have enough money put aside to help you hit the ground running." Luch responded without giving it a moment's though. "We don't want your pity money. If we do this, we're going to do on our own, using only the founders' resources." "That's just it though, I'd love to be a part of the company. I promise you it's not out of pity. I've been putting money aside for a long time for an opportunity just like this. One of my life's goals was to start a company from the ground up. I'll do more than just sponsor, too. I'd really like to lead the marketing and advertising if you'd allow me... Please?" Luch studied me for a moment before turning to the other two. No words were shared but they must have understood one another because after a moment he turned back to me and nodded. "Alright, we'll let you in." He made it sound like a club when he worded it like that. "You can participate just like you said, but you try ANYTHING that goes against any one of us or hurt one of these two, you're out and the money stays with the company." "Deal! I promise I'll be of value to you guys. I won't let you down." The last part was only for Luch. I let him know that by the look I held with him. He nodded in response. " Great. Come on Justin, let's get our stuff packed up and your resignation ready. There are some boxes in that extra conference room that's never used." They ran out of the room, nearly trampling over each other in process due to their excitement. I'm guessing someone would normally would be nervous to be left in a room alone with a woman like Maria, especially when she had made it clear that she wasn't a fan, but I was happy to have this opportunity. I knew that if wanted to be in Luch's life in anyway, I'd have to get Maria to except me first. She must have had other thoughts, however. "I'm going to start unloading my stuff from my desk so we can leave this shit hole as soon as possible. I'm sure one of us will be getting a hold of you soon when we're ready to start." "Actually, Maria, I was hoping we could talk. It's obvious you don't want me around and I don't fault you for it. I'd have the same stance if I were in your position. I was hoping I could convince you to give me a chance, though." She had already started on her desk as I talked, but after the last statement, she stopped and looked up at me. She gave an intense glare as if studying me under a microscope. I felt like she she could see right in to me. She must have liked what she saw because she finally gave a nod. "Alright, I guess I can give you one shot, for Luc's sake. But not right now, since we don't have enough time. Let's meet up at our group's usual spot tonight. Ever heard of O'Donnely's?" I shook my head no. "Alright give me your number and I'll text your the address. We'll meet there at 7?" "That's perfect!Thank you so much!" I gave her my number and then hugged her before I realized what I was doing. I couldn't be sure but I thought I heard a groan. "Sorry, I tend to get a bit expressive with my feelings." I sheepishly added. "No problem. I just hope I don't end up regretting this." Me too, I thought. Something told me that everything was on the line depending on how tonight went. ______ "Brett's definitely something. I don't think many men or women would have been able to resist someone that charismatic. You definitely have some strong will power, Luc." "It wasn't too difficult once I reminded myself what I'd gone through because of him." Justin handed me another collapsed box he found that seemed sturdy enough to hold our stuff. As I took it from him, I saw him holding a face of pity that I become all too familiar with. "I didn't say that to get sympathy, Justin. I've moved past all that. I just hope this time around he doesn't hurt either you or Maria. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself." "You don't have to worry about us. There's no chance of either of us getting close. You know how loyal Maria is to her marriage, and I'm... well, you know... already preoccupied." I froze at that comment and turned away form the pile I had stocked to face him. "Are you dating someone, J? Why haven't you mentioned it until now!? Maria's going to be pissed when she finds out you have a girl and she didn't know." "I'm not dating anyone. My interest's been caught but I haven't made my move yet. That's why I haven't said anything. I'll let you guys know when it happens, though." "You've got nothing to worry about, buddy. Any girl would be lucky to land someone like you." "Yeah, we'll see." Justin mumbled and looked done while picking at a corner of a box. "What about you and Brett? You aren't going to give him another chance to be with you, are you? Being friends is one thing, but Luc, I can't stand the thought of him reopening your wounds that are still healing." "They're fully healed, Justin, I promise you. I've got too thick of a shell now to let him back in. You guys need to be careful, though. We can't trust him yet." "So you think we'll be able to some day?" "I'm not sure, J. I'm not sure if I even want that to happen." ______ As I stepped in the dark, sultry atmosphere of O'Donnely's, I glanced around to take in the scenery. I could definitely understand why Maria would designate it as the usual spot. It seemed like a popular place, but not overcrowded. It was a spacious area, with a dark wooded floor and couches to lounge out at. There were also some bar tables scattered around with parts of wooden barrels used as the backs of the chairs. I could really see Luke and myself hanging out here to talk on a date night after a movie and dinner. I paused for moment following that thought. I couldn't allow myself to start thinking like that. There wasn't a point in expecting anything past a friendship to blossom between us. I'd only be setting myself up for heartbreak, not that I didn't deserve it. Pathetic Ch. 02: Friendship I was interrupted from my mental beat down by Maria's waving hand. I walked over to the bar table that she was sitting at and slowly sat down. After we had set up our meeting, I had run through numerous strategies on how to convince Maria of my humble intent. Now that I was here though, I was suddenly overcome with the fear that this was a hopeless attempt and I immediately lost all confidence. I had gone through life with a steady source of confidence to back up my talk and actions. It was a rare occasion to be without it, so I didn't tend to handle the situation well. I usually became irritable and took offense very easily. I really hoped I could keep that in check here. Any reaction like that would be completely counterproductive. Maria interrupted me from my thoughts once again. "Are you going to just keep steering at the coaster all night? Or are you gonna order something and get to talking?" "Sorry, I didn't realize that I was paying you by the minute. You can go back to your pimp if you're no interested." I snapped. Shit, I thought, so much for keeping calm. She raised an eyebrow at me and continued to stare. Surprisingly though, she didn't break her chair over my head or toss me through the nearby tinted window, as I expected. "Sorry, I'm sure this wasn't easy for you. I kept telling myself that so I'd go easy but I already forgot. I've kind of been on edge myself lately. Anyway, go ahead and order a shot or beer or something to calm down and then we'll talk?" "That sounds good. You know I have to say I'm a bit surprised. I could tell you had a good amount of Italian in you, like Luch, so I really wasn't expecting you to suggest an Irish pub." "Sure, I'm a fan of wine and wineries and all that. It'd be sin if I wasn't, but you can't beat this atmosphere, in addition to the pub's very own beer and whiskey, when you want to have a private, serious chat." "That's a good point. Homemade beer and whiskey, eh? I'll have to try both. What about you?" "I'm just going to settle for this seltzer water and lime. I can't really do alcohol." It was my turn to raise an eyebrow at her. "Why suggest a pub if you can't have alcohol? Especially if their own stuff is as good as you say." She bit her lip and looked down for a moment. "Shit, I didn't want to tell anybody until I was sure, and I wasn't until I got a call from the doctor about an hour ago. Obviously the first people I wanted to tell were Luc and Justin." "Sure about what?" I asked. She leaned forward to whispering distance, however, it didn't lower her intimidation at all. "If you tell ANYONE, I promise you'll be on diaper duty for the first 6 months." "You're pregnant!? That's amazing, congrats!!" I jumped up and went to hug her, but caught myself this time and backed off. I really hoped that I could get to that spot one day with Luch and the people important in his life. "Thanks, we've been trying for awhile so it's a huge deal. I can't wait to tell the guys." She paused as she stirred the ice in drink. "Speaking of them, why don't we get to the reason why we met." "Su-sure, um... Well, I mean, I care about Luch so much and I just want to have him in my life. Whether it's-" "Shit, I knew that" Maria said, interrupting my opening line. "Ya-ya-you did?" I stammered. "How? Why would we need to meet if you knew that?" "Please, a blind, deaf in the midst of a stroke would be able to tell how much he means to you. I saw the way you looked and talked to him. What I want to know is why." "What do you mean why? Isn't it obvious? He's an amazing guy! He's humble, sexy, and smart... He-" "I don't mean why do you like him. The guy's a catch for sure. What I want to know is: if you cared about him as much as you seem to, why the hell would you do what you did to him?" "What do you mean? I was an asshole. There's no excuse for what I did. Something like that doesn't even deserve an explanation." "Would you quit with the bullshit? There's no way a person could do that to the source of their love without a fucked up reason. You may have been telling yourself and others that there's no excuse, but you've got to give yourself a break. As horrible and disgusting of a thing that it is, a sole action doesn't mean that that is who you are. People make mistakes. We all have faults. What really determines the type of person that you are is: one, your reasoning for doing it and two, how you handle the mistake and let it affect your future actions. You've obviously learned from it and are attempting to remedy it, which I'm sure is difficult on it's own. In my book, you're half way to getting back in to Luc's life. Now all you have to do is explain to me what made you do what you did." After finishing her impressive monologue, she took a long sip from her drink and gave me a deadpan stare, as if she just gave me the week's weather forecast. How could a woman be so insightful, intelligent, innocent, and yet terrifying simultaneously? Every time I thought I had her figured out she pulled a 180° on me. "It's hard to believe that this is all coming from the woman that knocked me unconscious with a keyboard just shy of 8 hours ago." "Fuck, are you ever going to let that go? Enough with the deflecting. Get with the explaining or I'm walking." "Alright well, it started when I first met Luch in 7th grade. As soon as I laid eyes on him, it was like everything suddenly became clear. From that moment on, I never doubted that I was gay. Nor did I doubt that I belonged with anyone aside from Luch. You should have seen him that day. This sweet, shy innocent boy. He made my heart race like nothing before. I suddenly had this carnal instinct to claim him right there and then. That night was the first night that I did research in to the gay world. I looked up porn and read information about the gay lifestyle for hours. I had decided then that I would go in to school the next day and confess it all to him. Then my step dad caught me and everything changed. He called me so many things as he beat me senseless. I wanted to pass out so many times but he didn't let me until I begged for forgiveness and acknowledged that being gay was a decision and only perverts made that decision. Even as I said it, I didn't believe it. I still planned on telling Luch. I thought he would stop if I just said what he wanted to hear. Unfortunately, he didn't. He... he walked over and grabbed my baseball bat. I thought he was going to hit me with it. I really thought he was going to kill me that night. But he didn't. He told me that he was going to show me what I'd experience if I chose to be gay. He said, "This is all you'll feel".He took the bat and threw me on to the bed. He-he" I couldn't finish the statement. Despite the amount of therapy I had gone through and the progress I made to get over this single, horrible event in my life; I wasn't able to tell or think about it fully without breaking down in to a panic attack. Tonight was no exception. "Brett? Brett! It's alright honey, you have to breath. Close your eyes." Maria ordered while rubbing my back. " Give me your hand. Do you feel my breath? You need to breathe in time with me." I struggled to get my gasping to match her rhythm. Finally I was able to gain control and regain a calm state. We sat there for a few moments in silence. I waited in agony to hear what her response would be. "I'm so sorry you went through that, and even more sorry that I forced you tell it to me. I know that couldn't have been easy." She set her hand over mine. "Thank you. I'm sorry for the break down. I still haven't managed to relive that night without having an attack like that. Anyways, after that night, I was in a constant state of internal conflict. Part of me still believed that I was in love with Luch and that a feeling as intense and as natural as it felt couldn't have been perverse. Another part of me, though, some subconscious part deep done, had accepted what my step father told me as the truth. I would look at Luch with this love and desire and it would suddenly morph in to this wave of anger, hatred, fear, and pain. I couldn't profess anything to him in the state I was in. I had no one to turn to so it just festered inside. I decided that I'd tell him after graduation, when were away from high school and could be ourselves. Those plans were suddenly thrown out the window when I saw him at prom. I just knew then that I couldn't hold it in anymore. When we were caught after being together, all those negatives emotions took over and at the time, it had all blacked out for me. Later on, piece by piece came back until I remembered that I thought I was back in my bedroom that night with step dad. I didn't know what I was doing to Luch even after I snapped out of it. If I had come to his side when I came to, I think I would have been able to forgive myself one day. I didn't, though, instead I ran like the fucking coward I am. I haven't gone through a day when I didn't wish with all my being that I could go back and change that night. I looked everywhere for him after that. I didn't seem him again until this reunion." We sat there for awhile, the only thing breaking the silence aside from typical background bar noise were failed attempts to stifle my sobs. After rubbing my back for awhile, Maria finally spoke. "A lot of things are clearer now that I've heard both sides. I understand that a lot of what happened was against your intentions, but the damage to Luc has still been done. As much as he's let Justin and I in, there's still a barrier separating us. I don't think he'll be able to move on until he can fully trust another person again. I think it would be much better if it were you then either of the two us. That is the sole reason I gave you the chance to explain yourself. As big as a risk that it is to let you near him again, the pay off out weighs it, in my opinion." "That's all I want. I just want to be a part of his life again. I want him to see that I'm not the guy he believes I am. I won't give up until I'm sure that he can live a happy life that he can fully share with another person. An open and honest relationship, whether it's me or not." "Then it's settled. The question is, where do we start?" ______ I stumbled through my apartment door and struggled to get my sticky Under Armour shirt off of me. Unfortunately, the combination of moving out our stuff from the company's building, the roller coaster of emotions, tossing in bed all night without sleep, and finally deciding to go for a 10 mile run before the sun had risen robbed me of the strength I needed to separate the second skin from my actual skin. At that point, my arms were tangled and stuck above my head. I had seriously begun to worry that I may suffocate inside my own sweaty shirt when a voice spoke by the door that I had left open. I recognized it instantly. "You know if you're really serious about getting in to stripping to compensate for the loss in income, you definitely have the body for it. Your technique needs some improvement, though." During his rant, I had spun in surprise not realizing that the couch was in the way and flipped over the back of it partially. Now my trapped arms and face were planted in the seat of the couch with my legs, ass, and bare back sticking up over the edge. I kicked in vain to try to gain the momentum I needed to get myself up right again. "Although, who needs technique when your showing off something like that." "Damn it Brett, just help me out before I suffocate on my own sweat!" Suddenly, two strong, rough hands grabbed me about my waist and hoisted me back. I took every bit of self control that I had not to moan from the direct, skin on skin contact. How could the man still affect me in this way after all that had happened?, I thought Was it ever going to stop? Suddenly, the shirt was ripped from me and I instantly gasped in some fresh oxygen. I felt my entire face, neck, and torso redden as the eyes I looked up at burned my bare skin. "What the hell are you doing here? How did you find out where I live?" "I have my ways buddy. I wanted to stop by and offer some coffee and breakfast in hopes that I could have the chance to formally apologize about your job along with the offer for us to try this again." "This being-???" "Whatever you want it to be, Luch. I'm putting it all in your hands. I won't overstep any boundaries you set up or break any rules you create. Please give me the chance?" Despite everything the bastard had done to me, I couldn't say no to the pathetic face he was making. I ripped my shirt from him, sighed, and stomped away. "You can sit at the breakfast bar if you want to start on your drink and breakfast. I'm going to shower first, though, then we'll discuss this." He didn't say anything as I entered my bedroom and crossed over to my bathroom while quickly undressing. I didn't want this to be long a shower. I felt uncomfortable being in such a vulnerable state with the guy sitting alone in my kitchen. I didn't trust myself around him almost as much as I didn't trust him. About 5 minutes later, I walked out in to the kitchen in some fresh lounging clothes as I ran my hands through my damp hair. I sat down and helped myself to the coffee and muffin that he offered me. As I looked at the barista's writing on the side of my cup, I couldn't decide if I should have been surprised that he knew exactly how I liked my coffee and what my favorite muffin was (blueberry). "Thank you." I mumbled as I took a sip of the coffee. This time, I didn't even attempt to suppress the moan. He chuckled in response, but his eyes seemed to glaze over. "Like coffee, do you? No problem, though." We sat in silence for a moments, when suddenly, he broke the ice in the most shocking and unconventional way possible. "So... have you and Justin fucked yet?" Pathetic Ch. 03: Relationships I stumbled through my apartment door and struggled to get my sticky Under Armour shirt off of me. Unfortunately, the combination of moving out our stuff from the company's building, the roller coaster of yesterday's emotions, tossing in bed all night without sleep, and finally deciding to go for a 10 mile run before the sun had risen robbed me of the strength I needed to separate the second skin from my actual skin. At that point, my arms were tangled and stuck above my head. I had seriously begun to worry that I may suffocate inside my own sweaty shirt when a voice spoke by the door that I had left open. I recognized it instantly. "You know if you're really serious about trying out stripping to compensate for the loss in income, you definitely have the body for it. Your technique needs some improvement, though." During his rant, I had spun in surprise not realizing that the couch was in the way and flipped over the back of it partially. Now my trapped arms and face were planted in the seat of the couch with my legs, ass, and bare back sticking up over the edge. I kicked in vain to try to gain the momentum I needed to get myself up right again. "Although, who needs technique when your showing off something like that." "Damn it Brett, just help me out before I suffocate on my own sweat!" Suddenly, two strong, rough hands grabbed me about my waist and hoisted me back. I took every bit of self control that I had not to moan from the direct, skin on skin contact. (How could the man still affect me in this way after all that had happened? Was it ever going to stop?) Suddenly, the shirt was ripped from me and I instantly gasped in some fresh oxygen. I felt my entire face, neck, and torso redden as the eyes I looked up at burned my bare skin. "What the hell are you doing here? How did you find out where I live?" "I have my ways buddy. I wanted to stop by and offer some coffee and breakfast in hopes that I could have the chance to formally apologize about your job along with the offer for us to try this again." "This being-???" "Whatever you want it to be, Luch. I'm putting it all in your hands. I won't overstep any boundaries you set up or break any rules you create. Please give me the chance?" Despite everything the bastard had done to me, I couldn't say no to the pathetic face he was making. I ripped my shirt from him, sighed, and stomped away. "You can sit at the breakfast bar if you want to start on your drink and breakfast. I'm going to shower first, though, then we'll discuss this." He didn't say anything as I entered my bedroom and crossed over to my bathroom while quickly undressing. I didn't want this to be long a shower. I felt uncomfortable being in such a vulnerable state with the guy sitting alone in my kitchen. I didn't trust myself around him almost as much as I didn't trust him. About 5 minutes later, I walked out in to the kitchen in some fresh lounging clothes as I ran my hands through my damp hair. I sat down and helped myself to the coffee and muffin that he offered me. As I looked at the barista's writing on the side of my cup, I couldn't decide if I should have been surprised that he knew exactly how I liked my coffee and what my favorite muffin was (blueberry). "Thank you." I mumbled as I took a sip of the coffee. This time, I didn't even attempt to suppress the moan. He chuckled in response, but his eyes seemed to glaze over. "Like coffee, do you? No problem, though." We sat in silence for a moments, when suddenly, he broke the ice in the most shocking and unconventional way possible. "So... have you and Justin fucked yet?" As amazing as my drink was going down, it was awful coming back up. My nose didn't really appreciate the flood of coffee either. Sprayed myself, Bret, the counter, and wall with coffee as I took what I was sure were my last breaths (I admit, I tend to get dramatic at times). After finally regaining my burning, teary eyed posture (I'd say dignity, but that was long gone by this point) I glared up at Brett, who had that arrogant smirk on his face again while trying to hold back his laughter. Leave it to him to be that bluntest ass wipe around and then be smug about it. "What the fuck are you talking about?" I croaked. "Exactly what you just said, you and that cute, blond co-worker of yours bumping uglies under the sheets." he calmly replied. I stared at him a few seconds to gauge how serious he was. "There are so many things that are wrong with you, I haven't a clue where to start. I mean who the hell says something like that?" I asked scoffing. "Especially someone in your current position. If this is all are conversations are going to cover in this friendship, then I really don't have any interest to follow up on it." Before he could he reply, I picked up his trash, threw it in the can and then walked over to the door to open it. I turned to face him. He didn't move from his stool however, he just stared at me with a confused face. "You can look at me all you want, it doesn't change that what you said was pretty forward and dickish for a new friendship." That seemed to snap him out of it, he finally jumped from his stool. Unfortunately, though, he walked up to me and didn't continue through the door. I really was ready to slam it in his face, too. "OK, OK, I'm sure, Luch. I worded that pretty poorly. I just noticed yesterday that there was something going on there and I thought it'd be a good step in getting to know what's going on in your life. What I should have asked was: 'Is there anything going on between you and Justin?' Can we move on as if I had asked that, please?" I stared at him for a few seconds before sighing and making my way back to my coffee. I really wished he had caught me after I had refueled myself. I may have had the energy to follow up on kicking him out then. "Fine, Brett. It still doesn't change the fact that you're wrong. Let's start off with the fact that I don't date. PERIOD. I have no desire or interest to get in to relationship. Even I did, it wouldn't be right to the other person, man or woman. It'd be a guaranteed, unhealthy relationship from the beginning. Next, let's consider the fact that, Justin is straight. He's never made a hint that he's in to other guys. He would have told Maria and I if he was. Finally, even if Justin were gay or bi, he hasn't shown any interest in me. He could have a much better selection that me, anyways. Man or woman." I struggled to keep my calm as I went through my reasoning because Brett had started to shake his head after I made my first point, and hadn't stopped even after I finished. "Luch, aside from you not dating in the past, all of what you just said was bullshit. I'm going to skip over your first point for now, since that's a conversation all on its own. The other points I can take care of at once. Justin IS gay. I knew that after short time I spent in the same room as him." "How could you possibly know that? Maria and I have spent every weekday with him for MONTHS, and he hasn't given us a single hint of his sex preference." "I can't speak for Maria, although, I think I'm going to have to have a word with her. The reason he didn't tell or give any sign to you is obvious though, he has a MAJOR crush on you, Luch." "The hell he does, man. I've shared the same office as him for a long time and hung out with him more times that I can count. I haven't noticed a single sign." "No offense buddy, but you aren't exactly the ideal gay detector. And you certainly aren't the best when it comes to picking up on others feeling or the art of flirting." "And I have you to thank for that." As much as I tried, I couldn't pass up on the chance to hurt him. I felt sick with myself as soon as the words came out of my mouth, though. I wasn't sure if I had just wanted to hurt him, or if I was hoping to get out of this conversation and get him to leave by hurting him. Brett apparently knew which one it was, though. "Nice try. You're not getting out of it that easy. You had every right to say that but if I'm going to be your friend, I will see to it that you finally find the healthy dating relationship that you deserve. Trust me, Luch. I watched just yesterday. I saw how looked at you and talked to you. " "How could YOU possibly know that he was crushing on me just by him looking at me when talked?" "I never said it was just when you guys talked. He wasn't just looking at your eyes. He was looking at the entire package, and I know what his looks mean because I've given you the same looks." Our eyes connected as he said it, but he quickly looked away and followed up with, "At one time." I force myself to not acknowledge what he tagged on at the end. "Alright, just to humor you, let's pretend what you say is true. What am I suppose to do about it? It's not as if I have a repertoire of dating experiences to go off of." "Well... do you like him?" "Of course I like him. He's my best friend along with Maria." "I don't mean just in that sense, Luch. Do you feel you're attracted to him in anyway, physically or personality wise?" "I-ah- I don't know. I've never really considered Justin in that way. I mean he's certainly attractive in a geeky way, and we really click with our interests and personalities, so yeah I guess I'd say it's possible." "Well there you go." "There I go what?" I through my hands up in frustration. "You're going to have to be pretty blunt here, Brett. I'm really not that quick when it comes to this stuff." "That's all you need to know that you should make a move, man" I dropped my head in frustration and let out an exasperated sigh. "You're still not making any sense to me. What kind of move? You have to realize, I haven't done anything like this before. You have been the only person I've been intimate with in the slightest sense and you're the one initiated and led that. If Justin hasn't said anything yet, he probably won't. I mean it's like he's- oh... oh shit." "Not like he's what? What Luch?" "Just yesterday when we were grabbing boxes to pack our stuff in, he hinted that he had his eye on someone. He didn't specify if it was a guy or girl, and it seemed like he was checking to see if there was any potential between you and I." "See!? I told you! It's settled then. You need to talk to him, Justin. Just be honest and ask him. He should trust you enough to be honest in return." "And if he is interested in me? What do I do then?" "If he doesn't ask you out, then you need to take the initiative. Set up a date with him." "OK-so I- uh -alright." I bit my lower lip as I tried to absorb all this information. "If you make that face to him, I think the only place you'll go on your first is either of your guys' beds." I gave a him face angry glare and rolled my eyes. "Pig." He just laughed in response. I pulled out my phone and dialed Justin's number. "Luch, the hell are you doing?" "I'm talking your advice. What does it look like I'm doing?" Brett suddenly lunged over, ended the call, and smacked the phone out of my hand just as I heard Justin pick up. "I never said to do it over the phone, jackass!" He laughed at my confused and frustrated face. "This is something you need to talk to him in person about." "Alright the, damn! Did you really have to smack the phone out of my hand, though?" I asked him, laughing. "Has anyone told you that you can kind of be dramatic?" "I know, it's one of my many sex appeals." Brett responded and then looked off in a mock fashion model pose, arched eyebrow with smirk and all. I couldn't figure out whether I should laugh at his lame humor and salivate at the sight before me. "Oh yeah? Would lame phrases be another one?" I asked with my own raised brow. "What the hell are you talking about?" "'Bumping uglies'? Really, Brett? I thought you were better than that." He hung his head down in a sharp, exaggerated motion. "Damn! I thought that slipped past you." " You'll realize soon that not much slips past me." I bragged as I tossed a piece of muffin in to my mouth, which slipped right past in to the back of my throat. I gagged as Brett laughed at my misfortune. ____ I struggled to find Maria as my eyes adjusted to the O'Donnely's dim lighting. As much as I thought I had a chance at being friends with her, I really hoped meeting like this didn't become routine. It felt like I was going behind Luch's back in order to get in to his good graces. If he ended up fully welcoming me in to his life, I wanted it to be from me doing things the right way, not manipulating him in to it. I finally spotted Maria and quickly made me way over to her. I was struggling between skipping over and stomping over to her, both reflecting the conflicting feelings I had from my talk with Luch. I was elated that I had pushed him to make a step towards starting his first intimate relationship. On the other hand, I couldn't help but feel suspicious that Maria had used me. She must have read mind my when I first entered the place. "This isn't going to become a regular thing between us, is it Brett? As nice of a guy as you seem, I don't want to keep meeting to talk about one of my closest friends." "That all depends on whether you're upfront with me for now on or not. I'd love to meet up with and start hanging out just as friends. But if we're going to be friends, you can't keep important things from me, like Justin having a major crush on Luch." She gave me a sly smirk. "It's not like I needed to tell you. I'm pretty sure you figured that out close to the start." "Still, Maria, it'd help me to not be suspicious that I'm just some pawn for you. Was the only reason you encouraged me to talk with Luch was to play matchmaker?" "At first, yeah. I really didn't want you to be involved with him at all beyond that. But the more I thought about it, the more I believed that there was something you took from Luc all that time ago that only you could give back to him. Whether it'd be as a friend or lover, I'm not sure. What I do know, though, is that Justin is very likely the best thing for him at this time. Luc isn't going to be able to just flip a switch and learn to trust people. It needs to start slowly, with just one person, preferably a man since it's been men who have damaged his life so bad. Justin is the prime candidate to be that man. I really treasure Luc, and he already has foundation with him. He's the least likely to hurt him. I'm not saying that they're meant to be together as a couple forever, but they may be so it's worth a try. The way I see it is, Luc will build a closer relationship with Justin and as he steps in to new territory, he'll most likely come to me for dating advice. He'll probably open up to the two of us at the same time. The final step will be you. You'll be the most difficult person for Luch to trust, and I believe he really wants to deep down. I know this all seems convoluted, but you're going to have be patient, for Lucca's sake." To say that I was blown away that all this insight could be spouted from tech geek was an understand. The more I was around Maria, the more I found to like about her. "Damn... Can you explain to me why you went in to IT instead of Psychology?" She gave me that mischievous smirk again. "I probably would have ended up using my powers for evil." "That's a pretty terrifying thought. I'm going to make sure to stay on your good side for now." She leaned forward so she was only inches from my face and seductively breathed, "But I think you'd find my bad side so very... pleasurable." I looked up in to her eyes and gulped. Holy. Fuck. If this woman could tease so effectively like this, I worried that she could actually scare straight men in to being gay and then seduce right back in to the hetero life if she wanted. "She slid back to her seat and chuckled. "Fuck, you're too easy. No challenge or fun." I scratched the back of my head as I felt a blush creep up my neck. "Anyway, you'll be happy to hear that the first step of your plan worked. I convinced Luch to talk to Justin and ask him out." Maria leaned her head back and let out a large cackle. I seriously could not figure this woman out. "You seriously think you talked Luc in to doing that?" "Yeah, he tried called Justin right there on the phone. I had to stop him and convince him to work it out in person." "Fuck, Brett, I'm having a really hard time deciding if you're more gullible then Luc is hard headed." Excuse me? "What the hell are you talking about?" "He played you!! Did you really think you convinced him to do something he's been set against doing for years by having one short conversation with him? I promise you that he hasn't seen Justin and isn't planning to any time soon." "You can't be serious. He really seemed to like the idea by then end!" She arched an eyebrow at me. "Wanna bet on it?" _____ As per my usual routine on Saturday night, I had passed out on the couch while Netflix binging. This week was Heroes (I zonked out once I got past the first season, shock I know). I started out of my dream by a loud banging. I fell in tangled mess with the blanket around me to the floor. Based on my track record of clumsiness. I didn't find it a surprise that my arms asleep and bound to my sides, making it difficult to escape my cocoon. It took me a moment in my disorientation to realize that the pounded was coming from my door. I hooked my chin on top of the coffee table so I could squint at the clock. 2:30 AM? Who the fuck could it be?? That question was quickly answered when I heard the voice of the mystery guess. "Hey, Luc? It's Justin. I really need to talk to you, so can you please open up? I'm sure my knocking has woken you up on the couch by now. This is really important." There was a bit of a pause. "Come on, Luc, please let me in? I'm sorry I showed up so late. I just couldn't wait until the morning." "J, I'm awake. I just can't get to the door to let you in." There was another long pause. "I-uh- umm OK? Why wouldn't you be able to get to the door? Are you... alone?" What the hell did he mean? Why wouldn't I be alone? "Yeah, I don't have anyone over. I'm just tangled in a blanket on the floor and my arms are asleep so I'm having trouble getting up." I heard a muffled version of his giggled that always managed to make me laugh. "I think if it were anyone else saying that, I wouldn't believe them. With you, on the other hand, the whole situation sounds pretty plausible." At the moment, I heard the shrill yipping of my pain in the ass neighbor's, Galenda, pain in the ass dog. That woman could turn the cheeriest of people in to a depressing person in an instant. "Hi, Ms. Wrunkle, sorry for the noise. I'll keep it down. Yeah, I know I'm a demon spawn of Satan. Can you please keep it between us though? It would make it bit difficult to get laid if word got around. Great thanks, have an amazing night." I went to bite the blanket to keep from laughing. Of course with my motor skills, I ended up biting my tongue, too. Hard. I yelped in shock and pain. "Luch?? You OK?" "Yeah, I'm kind. It's just kind of getting old staring at the dust collecting under my couch." "Shit, what are we going to do?" Suddenly, it hit me. I wasn't sure which of us geniuses was the bigger idiot. "J, did you bring the spare key I gave you?" "Yeah, why do you a-... Wow, oh wow! I'm such a dumb fuck!" I heard the key slide in and the click of the lock. I chuckled at that. "I'm right there with you buddy." I saw his face suddenly appear above mine, his blonde hair framing his thin, angular face as he smirked. "Honestly, Luc, would you be able to get your shoes on in the morning if it weren't for Maria and I?" "J, come on! Stop teasing and get me out of here! I really need to pee!" I rolled over after a couple attempts and started to caterpillar my way to the bathroom to make my point. Pathetic Ch. 03: Relationships He cracked up at that. "Alright, you baby stop moving and I'll get you out!" He squatted down over me and flipped me over. I didn't realize how strong he was. His size was pretty misleading. With my head, between his legs, it looked like that his strength wasn't the only shock due to his structure. It looked like there was a pretty ample bulge above me, not that I much to compare it to. As he moved his hands around me to find the end of the blanket, I couldn't help but to start swelling up. (Fuck, this couldn't be happening.) I wasn't sure but it looked like his package was growing, too. He giggled again, but it sounded raspy almost. Was it lust I was hearing? "Where the hell is the end of this blanket?" I tried to answer but the only thing that came out was some husky mumbling. "What was that, Luch?" He looked back at me and our eyes met. Then he leaned down and our lips followed suit. ***** Hey everyone! I want to thank you for sticking with my story, posting comments, and rating! I know I said I'd welcome any comments, but I'd like to edit that statement slightly now that I'm further in to the story. If you don't agree with my story, while apologize that you wasted your time, I ask you to please not feel the need to post a comment. It doesn't really accomplish anything. I'm well in to the story, and I don't plan to stop or change it. I had the big events planned out before I started and I plan to see it through to the end. I welcome any constructive criticism on any mistakes I may be making, or any way I can improve me style or technique. But please, no more criticisms about the story itself. I'm debating about whether trying to post weekly 1-2 page chapters like I did with this one. Or try to post a chapter double that length every 2-3 weeks. Please let me know what you think! One last note: I have several stories planned out for when I finish, Pathetic. But I haven't decided which to do first. I think I'm going to leave that up to you guys. So keep an eye out, because I'm going to post a list of options in one of the chapters closer to the story's end. Thanks again and happy reading!! Pathetic Ch. 04: Confessions Special thanks to cannd for proof reading this chapter and providing some insight. She really helped to bring out some more potential in this submission. You're awesome! ***** I tried to answer but the only thing that came out was some husky mumbling. "What was that, Luch?" He looked back at me and our eyes met. Then he leaned down and our lips followed suit. I couldn't say for sure which part of this had instantly turned me in to a melted puddle of need. It could have been that lack of intimacy through all the years, the kinky vulnerability of being constrained in the blanket, the possibility that Justin was an amazing kisser, or that it was Justin I was kissing. There were only three things I knew at that moment: first, while I can almost always expect to be cold, the combination of being in the blanket and the heat of lust that was melding between us had me on fire; second, the heat that I was feeling really didn't aid with my near bursting bladder; and third, the combination of all these needs and feelings put me at risk of spontaneous combustion. I certainly felt light headed as our brief yet passion filled kiss ended. It had been so sweet. I really wanted more. Unfortunately, I had priorities. "Wowwww," Justin whispered. "I never imagined it being that amazing." I saw his pupils expand as he said this, filled with desire. I could only moan in response. He seemed to snap out of it at that point. His face looked like he'd been severely sunburnt. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Let's get you out of there." This time he didn't have an issue getting me out of the blanket. I wondered if his first failed attempt had all been an act. I stood up quickly and stumbled from light headed. I couldn't really say if it was from the tension in the air and my nerves, or just from standing up so fast. Luckily, Justin caught me and stopped me from making a further ass of myself. Unfortunately, that revved my libido right back to full throttle. I stuttered a few times before making a quick dash to the bathroom. As I emptied my bladder, I replayed the kiss multiple times over in my head, and questions began to build. What did this mean? The only two guys I had the slightest intimacy with caused me such a drastic reaction. After having my experience with Brett, I cut myself off from sharing anything sexual with another person, man or woman. I hadn't identified with being gay after him. I hadn't even really thought my sexual preference. Did this confirm that I was gay? Was Justin really gay? I found it difficult to believe after all this time. I was definitely questioning if there was more to than appeared. Was Brett actually right about Justin? This seemed to support that theory. How long had he been desiring me? Why hadn't he said anything? Did Maria know? What should I do now? Could this really work between us, or was I too damaged? I couldn't drag Justin, one of my best friends, in to the disaster known as Lucca. What about Brett? That question made me freeze. Why was I thinking about Brett at a time like this? Even if he was still interested in me, how would this all play out? Would he still be able to be around me, knowing I was with the guy he'd be working with? I wasn't even sure if I should have been worried about that. Brett may not even be interested, or he may be forcing his way in to my life out of guilt. We had only shared a single moment together. I started to replay that hot scene that took place a decade ago. Until tonight, I had never felt a high like I had then. I started to think about Justin's kiss again. The two had been so alike, and yet, so different in so many ways. I had felt the emotions stirring behind both. The desire and loving. Justin's was so sweet, so innocent, and yet, so incredibly hot. But Brett's, his was so domineering. It was overwhelming and left my knees quivering. I jumped as my fingers brushed my lips. Apparently, I had flushed and washed my hands on autopilot while deep in thought. The contact with my still tingling lips had snapped me out of my trance. "Luc, listen, I'm really sorry about all this. This hadn't gone at all like I planned. I'm going to let myself out so we can have some time apart to work things out in our heads." Shit. He couldn't leave now. If we didn't talk about this now, it could ruin everything between us. "J, wait!" I opened the door and started to run out. Unfortunately, my shorts had fallen around my ankles in my dazed space. I tripped on them and fell flat on my outside. So much for not making an ass out of myself anymore. "Luch! Are you OK?" I heard Justin run over to me and place his hand on my shoulder. I tried not to groan just from that touch. I refused to make things worse. Too humiliated to even lift my head, I just mumbled in to the carpet. I heard Justin stifle a laugh. "Didn't realize you were in to carpet munching" He started chuckle at that but it turned in to a groan. "Wow that was so lame, sorry." His voice sounded lust filled again. I nearly jumped through the roof when I felt his hand on my bare ass. Holy fuck, I forgot that I only had my shorts on, which were still around my ankles. It was suddenly painful to still be on my stomach. "J, I- ah- mmmmm" I couldn't suppress my moan this time as he lightly scraped his nails up one cheek. "Oh mother fucker!" "Luc, how is it possible that everything about you is so beautiful?" Justin murmured. That slipped me out of my lust filled haze. Beautiful? Me??? "J, hold up." I jumped and turned towards him. Justin's eyes were cast down though, and they opened in shock. Why hadn't I pulled my shorts up yet? I snatched them quickly and turned away as I pulled them up. I realized that was a mistake as I was bent over. I think my cheeks were melting from how hot they felt. "Look, can we sit down and talk?" I did and immediately covered my tent. "Shit, yeah, I'm so sorry Luch. You're making me lose complete control of myself." He really did seem to be upset and sincere. I shook my head in response. "No no, J, you're fine. It's just a lot to take in all at once and I was feeling overwhelmed with trying to process it at the same time things were getting intense. Obviously you know that this is something I'm not really experienced with so I'm not exactly star material for handling well." He threw his head in to his hands and started shaking it. "Oh God, I'm so sorry! I swear I didn't mean to take advantage of the possibility you could be vulnerable to something like this. I didn't come here with the plan to seduce you." He looked up and appeared to have more to say but I held my hand up to cut him off. "Jus, I swear that it's fine. You don't need to apologize any more. I would like to know why you originally came here, though." He froze with a confused face for a moment and then jumped as if he the seat shocked him. He started to blush. "Shit, that's right." He looked at me with sheepish smile. " Well, I guess the reason I came is pretty obvious. Although, if it were obvious, you wouldn't be asking me. But I did come to tell you something that I thought has been obvious all along. You would have confronted me if it were obvious along time ago. Obviously, you would have- "Justin! Can please explain to me what the hell is obvious!?" He jumped when I yelled his name and started to wring his fingers. "I-uh- that is you... Ummm," Justin paused to take a couple of deep breaths. "It's obvious how I feel about you!" He looked away ashamed as if this explained everything about me. Call me clueless, but I needed more than that to go off of. "How do you feel about me?" He looked back at me then down and started to mumble. "J, relax, I'm your friend. Please just tell!" "I'm crazy about you, Luc!" He turned red from the confession and looked down again. "I... I've... I've been crushing on you since day one!" I looked at him hesitantly. So Brett had been right? "Really? But why wait until now? Does Maria know?" I had some more questions but I held my tongue. I didn't want to overwhelm him when he was already struggling to open up. "I've really been trying all this time but I haven't been able to work up the courage. Suddenly, Brett showed up and everything changed. I was scared, Luc. I finally saw how hot and appealing he was and I thought any chance with you had gone out the window." He paused at that and then shook his head again. "But Maria didn't know, although I wouldn't be surprised if she had suspected at some point." I scoffed at that. "So true. I'm kind of shocked she didn't smack me over the head and tell me I'm oblivious, though." He snapped his head back up. "So you really had no idea?" It was my turn to shake my head. "Not at all. Like I said, I don't exactly excel in this type of area. I wouldn't have let you dangle, like I'm sure you did, had I known. I just can't believe Brett was right after all." Justin seemed to tense at that. "You and Brett talked? When? What about?" I must have had a confused look because he quickly followed up with, "I'm not trying to pry, sorry, it's just I can't help but worry. It feels like he has such a huge advantage over me." That pushed a button I hadn't know I possessed. I threw my hands up at that. "It's not a fucking competition, J. It's not like you guys have to fight over me. If I even want to be with someone, it'd be my decision, not some testosterone saturated fight." He paused at that, then took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Shit, you're right again. I keep letting my emotions control my actions when it comes to you. I'm really trying to stay sensible about this." I gave him a reassuring smiling. "It's no problem. You have nothing to worry about anyways, Justin. I only think Brett has been showing any interest out of guilt.. Even if he wasn't, there's no way it could work out. Enough about him, though. We're hear to talk about us." He nodded at that. "Very true. Like I said, I came here to tell you how crazy I am about you. I something else to say, though." Shit, there was more? I just stared at him, unsure of how to respond. He took my silence as a sign to continue "That Goosebumps movie is coming. I was thinking of going to see it. Have heard read much about it? Do you know if it's suppose to be good? What the hell? Why would he walk over to ask me that? "Yeah, I mean, I've been pretty excited to see it. You know I was a huge fan of the books. I'm not sure I'm going to see it opening weekend, though. Are you?" His face fell as I said this and looked away upset. That's when it hit me. "J? Are- are you asking me out on a date?" His head snapped up again. With all his jerky head movements, it was wonder why it hadn't fallen off and rolled across the floor. He nodded nervously and looked away again. So there it was, one of my best friends confessing and asking me out. I really couldn't think for a moment. It just all felt so overwhelming. I really shouldn't be with anyone. I was too screwed up and not the ideal relationship material. It wouldn't be fair to Justin. On the other hand, how fair was to shut him down and not even give him a chance. Shit, what the hell was I suppose to do? Justin must have thought my silence was a sign of refusal because he suddenly jumped up and started rambling, not allowing me to get a word in. "I went about this all the wrong way. I really fucked things up, Luc. I'm so sorry. Can we just forget all this happened. I'll leave you to yourself now and I'll see later." He was almost out the door already when I firmly said, "No." He froze mid run and slowly pivoted to face me. "You mean we can't forget that this happened? I really am sorry for springing all this on you, Lucca, but please don't let this affect our friendship. I couldn't forgive myself if I caused the end of-" "No, I won't forget about this and no we can't go back to being friends." His eyes started to water at this and I realized how that must have come across to him. I really needed to get better with wording my sentences. "But I also meant no, don't leave." I figured with that statement, I could show him what I meant through actions. I walked up, placed my hands one either side of his head, and gave him my most passionate kiss to date. When I licked his lip in a begging gesture, he groaned in response, permitting me entry. Every nerve in me felt as if it had exploded. It was so difficult to believe that kisses alone could be this amazing. Everything was amplified when his hands slid down my naked back and firmly gripped me cheeks. I could only whimper in response. He pulled his head back and stared at me with glazed eyes. "Fuuuuuck! You don't know how difficult it is to say this, but we need to stop. If we're going to date, I want to do this right. You deserve it, Luc." As much as I didn't want to admit it, he was right. I couldn't let my first real relationship be built on a foundation of lust. Despite agreeing with him, I couldn't help the disappointed sigh that escaped my lips. He quickly interrupted it by tracing my lips with his tongue. Shit, how could he be so good at this!? "Let's go see that movie on Friday then. I want the rest of the night to all be up to you though, Luc, so you think about what you'd like to do." "Sounds like a plan to me." I mumbled. I still couldn't seem to clear the lust filled fog surrounding me. My agreement to date him and our make out must have given him a confidence boost because he chuckled at that. "Alright hot stuff. Either go to bed or at least get a shirt on before I throw caution to the wind and have you begging and at my mercy in the next 5 minutes." My eyes widened at that. That sounded like an amazing idea. Justin must have read my face or mind, because he laughed at that. "Don't even think about it. You won't be seducing me. At least, not tonight you won't. I'll see you tomorrow." He leaned in and pecked my lips, followed by a wide smile. "Good night, handsome." I probably stood in my doorway for another 5 minutes in disbelief. It probably would have been longer if it weren't for Galenda, The Terror, and her yipping mutt. "For Christ's sake! Can't you queers be quiet!? It's enough for you to live across from me but I have to be disgusted from witnessing you in action as well!?" "Enough of your jealousy, you crusty wart. No one cares that the only way you action is with that bloody tampon at your feet." I ran back in to my apartment and slammed the door before she could recover. I couldn't wait to tell Justin about this tomorrow. Fuck, I was going on a date with Justin tomorrow. What the hell had I gotten myself in to? Pathetic Ch. 05: Dating Thanks so much to elno2015 for taking the time to review and help with this chapter. If you haven't yet, you should absolutely take the time to read her series, Woodbridge Academy. She's an incredible writer! Sorry for the delay on posting this chapter, it's an important one and I wanted everything to make sure it was done right. Hope you enjoy! ***** Lucca I gasped for breath as I tried to fumble my key in to the lock and let myself back in to my apartment. Some may say that running until one hits complete exhaustion and no longer has the energy to think is an unhealthy way to avoid one's problems. I'm sure those same people have never had a one-time high school fling-who gay bashed them shortly after said fling-not only force themselves back in to their lives, but also get them fired from their job; then follow that with one of their best friends confessing to having a crush on them? That doesn't even cover the whole, "Hey, I guess I really am gay" revelation. Once again, I found myself stumbling into my apartment as I tried to pull my sweaty shirt off. Also, once again, I was struggling with my head and arms stuck in my shirt when I heard that familiar deep voice from behind. "Wow, we really have this schedule down pat, Luch. Same time tomorrow?" I spun to the voice with an exasperated sigh, making sure to avoid the couch this time. "Brett, just help me out of this... again." I heard him give a mock exaggerated sigh to match mine. "You know, most gay guys would expect to get at least a little bit of action after taking a sexy man's shirt off for the first time. Don't even get me started on the second time." "Touch me any more than necessary and I'll make sure you never want to take a guy's shirt off again." He chuckled at that as I felt a tug on my shirt until it came off. I blinked at the sudden blinding light in my eyes. "Remind me to introduce you to Jaden some time. You two are very similar." "Oh? He has a perv stalking him as well?" I asked, glaring. I snatched my shirt from him and made my way to the bedroom. He laughed even harder at that. "He's Italian like you and just as feisty, if not more. The only difference is that it's sexy with you. With him, it's downright terrifying." "Yeah, we'll see how sexy it is when I finally lose my temper." I yelled as I stepped in to the shower. "I really hope that day never comes." He answered loudly from the kitchen. Something in his voice told me he still wasn't taking me seriously, though. I wasn't able to stop my mind from reviewing the events of the past few days as I scrubbed myself clean and then rinsed off. It was frustrating that I still had the energy to think about it despite the fact that I had run this morning until my legs felt like they'd be cemented to the floor. It wasn't just an issue of processing what all had transpired, but rather the pressure of prioritizing each issue. I had planned on focusing my energy on handling the situation with Justin first. Before Bret had shown up again, I was sure I'd be seeing Justin first, since our date was supposed to be tonight. It wasn't just that, though. Justin had been in my life longer and was a much more positive influence in my life than Brett. The more I thought about HOW to handle it though, the more I started considering handling Brett first. As much as I tried to convince myself otherwise, I knew it was out of fear. Each time I started to predict the events of tonight, I'd feel the panic expanding inside. This was all new territory for me. I had no idea how I should act tonight. I'd never been on a date in my life. It wasn't just that, though. This was one of my two best friends. I felt so certain that it was going to be awkward and that I would find some way to unintentionally demolish our solid friendship. I feared even more that whatever inevitable damage I did do would be irreparable. "Hey, Luch listen, if you're preoccupied with other things, I can stop by later. Although, if you're just have some fun time in there, I don't mind waiting to see your afterglow." Brett must have made his way in to my bedroom. His voice was close enough to scare me into jumping and losing my balance. Luckily, I grabbed the shower rod for support. The last thing I needed was Brett coming to my wet and naked aid. "Damn it, Brett, I'll just be a moment more. Help yourself to the kitchen, there's milk, orange juice, and coffee." "You didn't see me holding some coffee and muffins for us again?" There was some silence, and then a chuckle. "Were you busy looking at something else?" "I didn't notice." I sighed. "Just head back to the kitchen and I'll be there in a second." Moments later, I joined him at the counter and helped to myself to some coffee and a muffin. Shit. I thought as I took a big bite. Nothing from Brett should be this good. "So..." Brett started, then paused with a face that appeared unsure. It looked completely unnatural on him. "Why did you lie to me?" "Huh?" I mumbled with a full mouth, sending some crumbs to the floor. "What are you talking about? When did I lie?" "You weren't really planning to talk to Justin, were you? To ask him how he felt about you?" "You've been talking to Maria, haven't you?" He arched an eyebrow and grinned. "That obvious, huh? She's really starting to grow on me. I'm glad you've had someone like that in your life. But yeah, we've been talking. Nothing bad about either of you, though. Just trying to figure out what's best for the both of you." I swallowed my bite and took a deep breath, trying to calm the anger boiling up. "Don't you think that should be up to me and Justin to decide? We're both adults." "Ultimately, yes, but we agreed we should offer some support when it was time for you to make a decision, so here I am." "You say support, but you're really just planning to annoy me until I talk to him, aren't you?" "No, I thought about it some more and realized that for your first time dating someone, it should be on your own terms. I shouldn't push you to a person in particular, just push you to get yourself out there. From what I've seen and heard, you've been alone too long." I nodded at that. "While I don't like the idea of you two discussing my needs, I appreciate that you realize you need to set some boundaries. You'll be happy to know, though, that I did talk to Justin last night." It was Brett's turn to be shocked and confused. For a few moments, all he could manage was to cough after choking on his coffee, followed by staring at me intensely for a long while. I had already been edge due to being up all night torturing myself by imagining all of the horrible outcomes that faced Justin and I on our date. This, in addition to the exhaustion I felt from my run, had me on the border of losing all self control. After squirming and fidgeting under his gaze, he finally broke the silence. "You're telling the truth?" He asked. I nodded vigorously, still unable to read his features. "How did this happen?" "Honestly, you were right about me not planning to talk to him. I really doubt that I'm dateable or, at the very least, able to maintain a healthy relationship. I'm just not good with people." Bret was still staring at me, so I did what I tended to do whenever I get anxious: I started ranting. "There's not a single person that would be able to tolerate the shit storm better known as my brain! I'm so fucked up and inadequate that anyone who saw the real me would run to the nearest psych ward to get me a straight jacket! There was no chance of that happening either, until your arrogant ass shoved its way in to my life!" Still more silence. I went in to full panic mode at that point. "Will you please say SOMETHING!? Stop it with that creepy ass fucking stare and talk!" I had gotten so worked up that I was now on my feet and yelling in his face, most likely sending crumbs and spit in all direction. I was beyond caring, though. The life that I had worked on so diligently in order to get it all in my control had spiraled into a monstrous tsunami in a matter of days all thanks to the man in front of me. He seemed unphased by my explosion, however, and just continued to stare. I stood my ground, heaving as I struggled to regain my breath. Just as I felt my second wind come on and was about to continue my tirade, Brett slowly raised his hand to my face, his face still a blank slate. He suddenly flicked me on the nose and I only saw red. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Before I could even process what was happening, my open hand was heading for a head on collision with his face. Juvenile and not exactly masculine, I know, but like I said, I was already on edge and he had to have known this, with it being his fault and all. His face had still not so much as twitched. Just as my hand was about to make contact, Brett grabbed it and smirked. That only managed to piss me off further. At this point, though, I really wasn't sure who or what I most pissed at: myself, for going through all the work outs and training and still being overpowered by Brett, or for reacting to such an immature and instigating action. Or, maybe I am just mad at Brett for being so...Brett. As I struggled to free my hand, he placed his foot behind mine to aid in throwing me off center and pushed me back into my chair. He was on me before I realized what had happened, his hot breath crawling down my face and neck. I'm actually ashamed to say that the action made me instantly hard. I prayed that he wouldn't notice. His smirk grew in to a full grin, followed by a deep breath and a nod. "Good. I had to make sure that the feisty Luch that I've seen so much of hadn't run off. I hope the coward I just saw doesn't show again. He was enough to piss me off and make me want to puke." That just managed to refuel my fire. "YOU!? How fucking dare YOU!? YOU, of all fucking people, are placing judgment on me. You have no fucking right!!" Brett continued to keep himself in a calm state, which infuriated me all the more. "I won't deny any of what you just said, but I'll be damned if I let you be the same coward that I once was. I won't allow you to hide behind excuses and lies just to cover up who you really are, all because you're afraid. I've hated myself for so long for doing that. I watched as a close friend suffered for years because he covered himself in a disguise so effectively that no one ever guessed that there was a scared man under it all. He was so terrified that people would reject what they saw underneath that he forced himself in to mental isolation. I suspected and just stood at the sidelines. Luckily, someone else came along to save him. I WILL NOT sit by and let the same thing happen to you. You're too good for that, Luch. You can claim that you have these flaws in you, and that you're undateable because of them as much as you want, but I will always see right through them. YOU are the only reason you can't date or truly connect with another person, and I won't stop until you get out of your own way." I can honestly say I wanted to keep my calm. I knew that Brett was only trying to help. He had just opened up to me, shared some private stuff just to help me. Deep down, I realized that everything he said was the truth. It seemed like he knew what he was talking about, having witnessed something similar already. If I was in the right state of mind, I would have sat down and talked it out with Brett. Unfortunately, I was already pissed off. All words were falling on deaf ears. "Get the fuck out." I whispered. It seemed to have more of an effect on Brett than my snapping and yelling ever had. He froze for a few moments and then started sputtering. "Wha-" "I said GET THE FUCK OUT!!" "Luch, I-" "Stop calling me that!! You don't get to have some fucking pet name for me! I'm not yours!! You have no right to call me that!! Not after what you did!! I wasn't even supposed to hear that fucking name again! I was supposed to see you at the reunion and that was going to be it. Then you show up with your charm and douchebag tactics and fucking shit all over everything like some kind of... fucking tsunami shit storm! I don't want you in my life! What the fuck do I have to do to get it through your thick fucking skull!? Get the fuck out of my house and out of my life!!" There was a long silence, broken by Brett sighing and getting off me. He slowly walked to the door and opened it but paused before walking out. "You want me out? Fine. No one can fault you for that, especially me. I honestly just want to make sure you have the chance to live a happy life again, since I'm the one who originally took that chance away. You truly are an amazing guy, Lucca. I think everyone in your life seems to see it but you." He paused for a moment. "In the short time I've been back in your life, I've seen that you do have a chance at happiness again, and it kills me to see that you aren't allowing yourself to take it. I'm not sure if you aren't because you've convinced yourself you don't deserve it, or if it's simply because you're too afraid to give it a shot. I'll get out of your hair like you want, but I just ask you for one thing in exchange: stop hiding. Justin seems like a really great guy and he may be the person to show you that there's so much more in life that you're missing out on. Just give him a shot, OK? I wish the best for you, Lucca. Bye." Silence followed after the door shut, leaving me to stew in my tirade of emotions. Finally, rage once again dominated all others, causing me to yell at the top of my lungs and throw the nearby stool into the wall. ________ I was snapped out of my dreamless sleep by what I thought was my front door closing. I thought I was imagining it until I felt weight settle at the end of my bed. At first, I was confident that it was either Justin or Maria that had let themselves in with a copy of my key I had given them. But then, the possibility that Brett had gotten one of those copies popped in to my head and I started to panic. I couldn't face him now. I was relieved when Maria started to talk, with a slight hint of something else. I convinced myself that it wasn't disappointment. "Justin sounded pretty excited about this date you two are going to have. He called me as he was trying to get ready, luckily he started a couple hours ago or he'd still be in full panic mode by the time you two met up. He changed about 10 times just while we were talking. Luckily, I convinced him not to wear his Call of Duty shirt. I had to remind that you two would just end up debating about whether it's a hype or not for the entire date. I'm pretty sure he tripped and fell on his face a few times while changing, too." I took a deep breath, my face still in the pillow. I wanted to stay calm this time. Maria, of all people, didn't deserve me yelling at her. Not that she'd stand for it anyways. "Maria, I know that you already know that I've decided not to go through with it, or you wouldn't be here to convince me otherwise. Trying to make me feel guilty or laugh about how excited and worked up Justin is over this isn't going to make me change my mind either. I'll explain it to Justin later. We both know he'll forgive me for anything." There was a long silence followed by a drawn out, "Wow!" I lifted my head from the covers and looked at her with confusion. That wasn't the reaction I expected. "I can't believe you, Luc. You're actually going to take advantage of the knowledge that Justin will do anything to make you happy and use it to hide like a fucking coward? That isn't you. I won't allow you to do that to him, or yourself. Get up, you only have an hour to get ready before you guys are meeting up." "Maria, I'm not going, it's that simple. I'll do more damage to Justin by going than if I just skip out." She was suddenly in my face with a surprising and deadly swiftness, giving me a look that made my blood freeze. "No, Luc, you'll only risk the possibility of hurting him by going, just as he might you, even if it's unintentional, which I can accept. That's life. You have to take risks if you want anything great. What I can't accept or forgive, is you guaranteeing him intentional harm by standing him up. As much as I love you, I love Justin just as much. You WON'T want to deal with me if you break his heart. Get. Up. You're getting ready and then I'm going to prep you. This is your first date, after all." I was in the closet, looking for an outfit before I even realized that I was on my feet. I had to hand it to Drake, Maria's husband. He seemed to be the only man who could actually keep his legs from shaking once Maria was pissed. Some time later, I was in dark blue chinos with a grey jacket over what Maria referred to as one of my geek shirts. I was pretty resistant with the outfit at first because the chinos were just slightly too tight; as Maria put it, "they made my ass look like two giant globes." As I paced my living room floor, waiting for Justin to pick me up, I cursed myself for the hundredth time for being too anxious to really take in any advice Maria offered. I was in unfamiliar territory here, and I certainly didn't have the social skills to wing it. I was pretty confident that Justin would be calling for a defibrillator before the previews were over. I froze as I heard a knock on the door. I was starting to think we may not even make it out of the apartment without my heart needing a jump start. As I opened the door, my breath hitched. I had always acknowledged that Justin was a good looking guy. I couldn't say if it was the lighting, the idea of it being a date, or me looking at him in a new perspective, but he looked stunning. If I hadn't felt like my stomach was forcing its way up my throat, I probably would have laughed that he was in an outfit essentially the same mine, only a different color palette. I saw a shy, small smile creep at the side of his mouth as he looked me over and I felt my mouth mirror the same. "You look... wow..." we said in unison. Our eyes locked and this time, my laughter found its way out this time. Justin didn't hesitate to follow suit. In that moment, I realized that he was just as nervous as me, and that snapped me back to reality. This was Justin, one of the few people in my life that I could say I trusted. He wasn't some stranger that would judge on my diction, posture, and looks alone. I knew he wasn't some shallow bastard, and that he already accepted me as I was. Suddenly, with this realization, I felt like this night actually had the potential be fun. I was now confident that it wouldn't be the terror that I made it out to be. My smile grew in to a full grin at this epiphany until a bright flash blinded me. "You two are too fucking adorable!" I heard from behind. I felt my cheeks heat up as I remembered that Maria was still there. "Now get moving before you miss the show. And don't be out too late! I don't want to stay up all night worrying so let me know when you're back." Justin shook his head at this and smiled at me. "Yes, mother, I promise to have him home before curfew." He stepped back to let me out the door ahead of him and we made our way to his car. I jumped as I suddenly felt warmth on palm and looked down to see our hands intertwined. I looked back up at with my cheeks burning once again. "Sorry, that's probably rushing things for you." Justin said softly. He went to pull his hand away but I had already tightened my grip. I shook my head at him. "No, J, it's... it's really nice. I like it. It's just that it's... all so new to me. I'm sorry, this all so much more complicated than it needs to be because of me." He stopped walking and put both hands on my shoulders as he looked me in the face. "Don't apologize for anything tonight, Luc. I have all the patience in the world when it comes to you. I know how big of a step this is for you, so you let me know what's OK for you and what isn't. I won't hold any resentment." Pathetic Ch. 05: Dating I smiled at that. "Thanks, Justin. Although, I don't think I can really say no to holding hands. Doesn't seem like such a big deal when you remember that you grabbed my ass last night." Justin's jaw dropped as he blushed furiously. His shock quickly turned to amusement as I laughed at his expense. He shook his head and chuckled to himself as he opened the passenger door for me. A few hours later, we shared our thoughts about the movie at a local restaurant after ordering some wine. So far, the night had been great. We shared a large bucket of popcorn and of course ended up eating more than we should have. Our hands were together when we weren't stuffing our faces. I thought I caught him watching my lips on the straw as I drank some pop several times. It gave me this warm rush in my stomach that I hadn't really felt before. I think it was the thrill that someone was making feel like I was actually sexy. It was something I could certainly get used to fast. It was nice to have someone who's thoughts and opinions were so aligned with my own. We agreed on essentially everything about the movie. I felt that somewhere down the road that I could allow myself to open to Justin. Who better to with than someone so similar to myself? We talked throughout the entire dinner, without any awkward moments of silence. We fed samples of our food to each other, teased, and talked about so many things. I felt overwhelmed that I could have such a good time by just... being with someone. I had a chance to find out so many new things about Justin as well. At one point, he talked about his future. Where he'd like to go with company we hoped to start up, how he'd love to find a fixer upper house to remodel in to his dream home, how he considered himself a family man to the core. As I listened to him, I imagined all of that for me as well, and I didn't have any issues with forming the pictures either. Something was nagging me at the very corner of my mind though; and at that moment, I couldn't pinpoint what it was. After desert, we got back in to Justin's car. He wasn't heading to my place like I expected and wouldn't tell me where we were going instead. After about 30 minutes of him evading my questioning, he parked. I looked around in confusion, as I all I could see was darkness surrounding the car. He had stepped out of the car and went to the trunk as I tried to guess where we were. He moved to my door and gently lead me away from the car, guided by the beam from a flashlight aimed directly at the ground in front of us. We walked in a comfortable silence as I looked around, just making out the trees surrounding us. Suddenly, Justin stopped and motioned to a log in front of us. He sat down on it and patted the spot next to him. After I sat, he wrapped us in a blanket and smiled at me. "Are you ready to find out where we are?" He asked me. I nodded in response. We turned our heads forward and I gasped as he turned the flashlight brighter and directed it ahead of us. The beam followed a path, surrounded by trees, giving the feeling of a tunnel. The trees abruptly ended and opened up to a lake. I looked out as I saw the twinkling of fireflies reflect in the water, imitating the other lights reflecting in the water from the stars high above. It didn't take a sign to tell me that this was an extremely special and intimate place to Justin. I was floored that he felt he could share this with me. "J, I... it's beautiful. I have no words." I whispered. "Thank you for showing me this." "You're more than worth it, Luc." He whispered back as he wrapped his arm around my back and pulled me closer to him. I couldn't tell you how long we sat there in each others' embrace. We didn't move or talk until exhaustion finally began to dominate me and my head drooped slightly. "Come on, Luc, let's get you home." Justin said while smiling. "We don't want the mother hen pecking at us." He took my hand and led me back to the car. As we made our way back to my place, Justin held my hand and occasionally lifted it to his mouth to give the skin a light kiss. I was the happiest I'd been since I could remember, but I couldn't seem to push that nagging feeling that I had deep down. We still held hands as we walked to my door. Before I grabbed my keys, I turned to him, and he did the same. With a wordless understanding, we slowly leaned in and our lips met. I felt my mind explode and a shock move down to my feet. I gasped from the intensity and Justin instantly plunged his tongue in to my mouth, not needing permission to enter. I moaned as our tongues were caught in a dual, trying to suck his tongue deeper and then suddenly switched directions forcing mine and his back in to his mouth, getting a deep taste for him. We finally broke apart to catch our breath. With our foreheads pressed against one another, we were each panting as we smiled at each other. God, I wanted this badly. Suddenly, it hit me. I realized what the nagging feeling had been. That realization made my stomach plummet to my feet. "J... hold up." I mumbled, hating myself for what I was about to say. "Sorry, Luc, am I moving too fast? I don't want to push you in to anything." He asked with concerning written all over his face. His innocent and vulnerable face didn't help to quell the sinking guilt I felt. "No, Justin, that was amazing. I never thought kissing could evoke those kinds of feelings. I have something I need to say, though, and I don't think either of us are going to like." His face fell flat at that. "Oh?" I placed my hands on his cheeks and held his gaze, assuring that he saw that I was being honest, yet remorseful of what I was about to share. "You have treated me better in this one night than anyone has in my entire life. I've never felt as special and as cared for as I have during these last few hours." I paused, unsure of how to continue. I saw sadness creep in to Justin's eyes. "Fuck, there's a but coming, isn't there?" I nodded slowly, following it with, "Yeah, although, I wish the only butts involved tonight were mine and yours." I smiled gently, hoping to ease the weight of the situation. He laughed bitterly and sniffled. "Fuck, you're one cheesy bastard. Go ahead, Luc. I'm a grown man. I can handle it." "I care too much about you to not say anything. As happy as you've made me tonight, I've had this nagging feeling in the background throughout our date. I thought maybe it was just idea of me being on a date or being with a guy, but I know it isn't that. I realize that it's me wanting this so desperately for us both." He arched an eyebrow at that, puzzlement replacing his sadness. "Alright, and this is bad because??" I sighed, giving myself a moment for mental preparation. "I realized that... it's what my brain wants. It's telling me that this is the most logical and best path for me. For us. The issue is deeper, though. As cheesy as this is going to sound, my heart isn't in agreement. I feel like it's distracted almost. Like it's two steps behind. I care about you too much to let us keep going down this road if there's a chance my heart doesn't end up agreeing. It's not fair to you. I couldn't forgive myself if I dragged you along only to realize we won't work out." A coldness I hadn't seen crept over his face, freezing the tears that threatened at the corners of his eyes. "Sooooo, if your heart isn't rooting for us, than who's it rooting for?" I really hadn't expected this question and at that point didn't know the answer. Justin seemed to make his own conclusion. He threw his hands up, spun around, and started pacing. "Fuck!! Are you kidding me? HIM!? Luc, he's taken so much from you. How could you even consider him as a possibility?" "Are you talking about Brett? J, I'm not sure if that's-" "I'm not a fucking moron, Luc. Of course it's Brett. Damn it, Lucca, he's tugging you along by your heart strings. He's going to end up crushing you! You can't possibly be considering giving the two of you a chance!" Justin couldn't be right, could he? I didn't care for Brett like a I cared for Justin. So, why did I feel a twinge when I considered it? That's when I remembered all the sparks I felt over the last few days in his presence. I thought it had only been physical, but what if it wasn't? A door opened for us long ago on that day, and I guess it had never truly been closed. Was it possible that my heart was actually holding out for Brett? The idea felt completely idiotic and insane, but I guess the heart doesn't act like the brain. "I honestly don't know, J. Fuck, I'm so sorry. You are the last person I'd want to screw with. I just... can't make any promises to you that I'm unsure I'll be able to fulfill. You're too good for that. I just... I need time and a chance to sort all this out. So much has happened and it's all new to me so I'm not sure how to process it. Fuck, I'm so sorry. I'm the worst kind of person. You probably think I'm the epitome of stupidity and douchebaggery. I don't have a right to ask you but... please don't hate me, J. Please? I don't think I could have a life without you in it." Tears formed in his eyes again and this time, there was no holding them back. He looked down, took a deep breath, and gave a shaky nod. "I could never hate you, Luc. I won't say I understand but I'll be damned if I'm going to keep my best friend from doing what he feels is right for him. I... I know this is selfish but I really hope that this doesn't work out with Brett, without him hurting you of course, and we finally can have our chance." I refused to let any tears form. Crying was not a privilege I permitted myself to have. I lunged forward suddenly and embraced Justin in the strongest hug I could muster. "If I'm honest, J, I really hope the same. I just can't believe I'm doing this to you. I'm the worst kind of person. You deserve so much more than this. I'm really sorry I can't be the guy we both want us to be at this time." He shook his head fervently at that. "Don't ever think or say that about yourself, Luc. You're an amazing man. I just want you to be mine is all. Neither of us can force that though if it's not right." "Thank you so much for being the best friend a guy could ask for. I love you man." _____ Thirty minutes later, I was standing at Brett's door trying to work up my courage. I raised my hand several times only to drop it again in fear. "Fuck, how pathetic am I?" I muttered to myself. Finally, I gave a tentative knock and looked down to prepare myself. I was going to knock this man on his ass, both figuratively and literally. There was a long silence and I began to wonder if he was even home. Finally, I heard some murmuring and the lock on the door being turned. I closed my eyes and took another deep breath. As soon as I heard the door open, I leapt forward, eyes still closed, and wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. He felt wet and hot, and as I took in a deep breath of his smell, I caught the hint of soap. Before any words could be said, I plunged my tongue deep in to his mouth. I didn't care if this was the second man I made out with in an hour and that some would label me as a man whore for that. I was tired of putting my life on hold, and I was determined to find out if this was the right path for me. I moaned as I tasted his mouth. I soon noticed that I wasn't feeling the tingle and explosion of nerves that I expected. Also, I didn't feel the facial hair against me like I had expected. I foolishly ignored those signs and began to grind against the erection that had risen its way in to my crack. That's when I froze. I remembered Brett had been big, but I doubt his piece had grown in to the monster that I now felt threatening my virgin hole. As if on cue, I heard his voice in front of me, a good distance away. "Lucca? What the FUCK are you doing here?" That's when I reluctantly opened my eyes, screamed and fell to floor. I had just made out with a stranger. He was extremely tall, insanely muscular, black, and wrapped only in a towel that threatened to fall due to his erection. If I hadn't been so distraught and embarrassed, I would have felt terrible for the confusion and bewilderment that covered his face. I looked past him and saw Brett. He was equally as wet and also wrapped in a towel. How could I have been so fucking stupid!? He was already with someone else. How could I expect him to just wait around for me and not look for someone else when I had kicked him out of my house-and my life—only hours before? "I- uh- I'm gonna go." I jumped up from the floor and ran out before anything else could be said, hoping to salvage any last shred of dignity that I could. That night I ran until my legs wouldn't move. This time, there was no stopping the tears. Pathetic Ch. 06 Luca I don't think I'll ever understand how the mind possesses the endurance to withstand such overwhelming and radical emotions day in and day out. I had gone from one of the amazing moments of my life to actually believing that something vital inside me had been pulverized in a mere instant. As dramatic as it sounds, I truly felt that this was the end of my life. My best friend had poured his feelings out to me and I had managed to crush them all just so that I could chase after a man I had already kicked out of my house once. A man who I found had moved on to the next available guy in a matter of hours. I couldn't accept it as anything else but karma. I couldn't believe I had done that to Justin. He was last person on earth who deserved to be treated that way. In this moment, I honestly believed that there is nothing left for me. After running until my lungs felt as though they'd explode, I drove to the nearest convenient store and got a bottle of cheap whiskey (not exactly fitting for an Italian, I know). I don't remember passing out or making it to the bedroom. I do, however, remember wishing during the last few conscious hours that I didn't have to endure the pain of waking up in the morning. Don't get me wrong, I strongly stood against suicide. I was not against a godly act of ending one's suffering out of sympathy, though. I acknowledge that it was a pretty selfish viewpoint, but a mind in pain doesn't tend to think clearly. When I woke the next morning, I actually thought that I was dying, just judging from the multiple explosions going off in my head. Even if my senses and orientation were stable, I wouldn't have moved from the bed. I just laid there, staring at the wall for hours. I had no intention to do anything else for the foreseeable future, just to continue punishing my body and hope for an end to be granted. I'm not sure how much time had passed but I nearly screamed when I was snapped out of my trance for a split second by the sinking sensation of someone sitting on my bed. I didn't have the energy nor the pain tolerance to turn my head and see who my visitor was. I just assumed it was most likely Maria. It didn't matter. I had no words to share with her. I almost jumped out of bed again when my visitor spoke. Rather than Maria's high-pitched voice that I had been expecting, I was shocked to hear that familiar, deep fucking voice. "Luca, what were you doing at my place last night? Weren't you supposed to be on a date with Justin?" After losing it with him and then tongue raping his hook up, I refused to lose my last shred of dignity and admit that I had realized I wasn't over him. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction. He eventually gave up on waiting for my response. "You need to explain things to me. You just left me completely confused with what was going on. I didn't get the chance to get a word in." More silence, followed by a sigh. "Sorry, that isn't fair. You're obviously not in the right place for this. I shouldn't be drilling you with these guilty questions. I came here to help you but I can't do that if you don't talk to me, though. Come on, it's time you opened up." Fuck that. I wasn't going to share anything with him. I should have stuck to my ways and kept everyone at an arm's length. There wasn't a benefit in trusting others. I mean, I had just started to, and then this shitstorm swept through. I was hurting more now than I could ever remember. "Alright, well, let's at least get you in the shower. You reek!" He chuckled at that. His strong, large hands gently guided me by my arms to my bathroom. I was too tired to resist, too drained to even worry about my vulnerability when he stripped me down to my boxer briefs. I was startled by the sudden downpour. I felt him staring at me for a few moments as I gazed ahead. I felt so cloudy and lost. "Alright, you try to clean yourself up. I'll check on you in a moment." I'm not sure how long I stood there. All I could think of was how I had gotten to this point. It was so fucking frustrating. I had everything in a perfect controllable ball and within a few days it blew in my face. I had gone from being so protected and reserved to this emotional, exposed nerve. I hated it! It was all Brett's fault, too. He started the snowball. He made me want things that I thought I didn't need. Then he ripped it all away. I couldn't blame him, though. Anyone would go for that guy I saw last night when the other option was me. I thought I was OK to be alone. But then, Brett had me imagining what it'd be like to be cared for so intimately. To be treasured and nurtured. All I could think of now was how deeply I wanted that connection. I truly had believed Brett could provide it, the idiot I was. I was startled out of my trance when I felt a presence behind me. I jumped but was gently held again by arms. "Jesus, Luca! It's freezing! Why didn't you turn it up? And you're still in your undies." I resisted when his hands slid down and he froze. "Easy there, buddy. No games, I swear. I'm here to help you. You can tell me to stop at anytime if it's too much." Common sense would have had me telling him to fuck off. Something in his voice though calmed me, and I suddenly felt as though I needed this, too. I felt the water warm, and then his strong hands sliding down my sides to my boxer briefs. He slid them off, letting them fall to the floor with a splat. He must have stayed on his knees, though, because I feel his hot breath at my backside. As fucked up as I felt then, it churned my stomach and gave me butterflies. All the strength in the world couldn't have stopped the moan I let out as he scrubbed me. He did it so slowly, so lovingly. He started at the back of my legs, still on his knees. He then moved to front of my legs. His slow pace seemed to ease the tightness in my chest. Alarms went off in my head, I was becoming putty in his hands. I shouldn't let this happen! Why would I be so vulnerable to him again!? It was so nice, though. I really needed this, even if it was a one-time thing, I was going to enjoy what I could have. I knew I was being greedy. Lights exploded when I felt him move to my ass. I had no idea it was that sensitive. His hands kneaded each cheek. He would push and spread them, exposing my most private spot to his eyes. I knew I should have been embarrassed, but I was loving it. I almost went through the roof when he soaped a finger along the length of my crack, grazing my hole. Nothing should ever feel as good as that it did. "Easy, Luca, no games. I'm just cleaning, I promise. Please trust me." I felt I'd puddle to floor as he continued his administrations. This was heaven. I gave a large sigh as he stood and pulled my back to him. It felt like such a perfect fit when his chest met my back. It felt so strong, but there was a soft layer to it that made it so inviting all at the same time. I'm sure it's hard to believe this, but the situation didn't feel all that sexual. Yes, I was rock hard, and yes I could feel his tool at the top of my crack. But this was something other than sex. I felt... a passion. I leaned my head back and sighed as he scrubbed my stomach and chest. I started to wonder, did I even deserve this? I was nothing special, nor did I do anything great, so why I was receiving this attention, this tender care? Of course I wanted it, but I still wasn't sure if Brett truly wanted me, or if he was just giving me a helping hand. That was the last thought I had as his lips lightly grazed the back of my neck. I couldn't understand how he found these sensitive spots of mine that even I didn't know about. It was like he knew me better than I knew myself. After making some lazy circles with the soap on my back, he gently scrubbed my head. I never wanted this moment to end. It was the first time in my life that I felt really special and admired. He slowly turned me to wash all the soap and shampoo from me. I was confused when he bent me towards him, but understand as the water hit my hole. I almost lost control as I felt that and stared at his hardness in my face. I couldn't believe how big he was. I returned to my relaxed state as he dried me with my warm, fluffy towel, followed by wrapping me in my robe. He led me back to the bed and laid me down. I instantly welcomed the warmth he provided as he scooted up and wrapped his arm around me. He began to make light circles on my lower stomach. I wondered if he knew how much that was driving insane. We shared a long, comfortable silence and I almost started to drift off due to the warm, peaceful state he had provided. He finally broke the silence. "So... are you ready to talk? I want to help Luca, I really do. But I can't if you don't explain things. So please, tell me what's going on in there." He punctuated by lightly scraping his nails through my damp hair and giving a sweet kiss to the back of my head. "It's all my fault. I fucked everything up. Big shock, I know." "What's all your fault? I don't get what happened. Maria said you were on a date with Justin? What happened?" "Yeah, we were. It was amazing, he was amazing." I felt him tense at that but before I could register it my hand grabbed his hand that was laying over my navel as a sign of reassurance. "He showed me a great night. He did everything right. We were back at my place in front of my apartment. We started to make out and it was amazing. But then it hit me, that was what my brain had wanted. I knew that being with him was the most logical step. But I realized, my heart didn't want logical. It finally clicked that what I really wanted was you." I heard his breath hitch at that and his hold on me tightened. "So you showed up at my place. But what the hell was that with Trent?" "I'm sorry, Brett, that was my fuck up. I shouldn't have expected you to wait for me. I just didn't expect you to find someone else so quick. I should have though, with you looking like you do." He flipped me on to my back at that point and hovered over me, shock in his face. "You thought that Trent and I were... Why did you think that?" "You both were wet and naked with the exception of towels." He cracked up at that and couldn't seem to stop the laughter for some time. I reminded myself to be patient and not let my irritation take over. This was too important for me to act emotional. "Fuck no! My God! I don't have a death wish!" "What the hell are you talking about?" "Trent's already taken! Do you remember me mentioning my friend Jaden? They're engaged! We always go to the gym and work out together followed by some basketball. Sometimes, the showers are crowded so we went back to my place to clean off, SEPARATELY, since it's close to the gym. Trent and Jaden are my best friends! I could never do that to them. Besides, I'm not attracted to Trent. Sure, he looks good but he's not my type. Even if he was, I'd be too terrified to get it up for him. Jaden is a scary man! Not only that, but Trent has a monster between his legs! I don't get how Jaden deals with it, but Trent says he loves it." "Yeah I felt his... monstrosity when I was grinding against him." I blushed as he chuckled. "So you came over and what, thought Trent was me? You were planning to seduce me?" I nodded shyly at that. It made me sound like a jackass. He lost it at that. I was waiting awhile before he wiped the tears at my eyes. "Ohhh shit, that's going to be great to explain to those two. I'll make sure to reassure Jaden. I'm sure he's on a rampage that someone groped his man. He's not good at expressing his feelings in words, so he ends up acting rashly usually. You should have seen how he was when they first met" "So... you two weren't together? You're available?" He smirked at that. "I won't be available for long, if you'll have me." With that he leaned down and firmly planted his lips to mine. That explosion from all those years ago reignited in that instant. This was what I wanted, what I needed. This could finally bring me true happiness. "Luca, you may have come over to seduce me. But I want right now to be all about you. It's my turn to take care of you and bring you pleasure. Lay back babe, and let this happen." I grabbed the hand that was gently pushing my chest to lay down fully. "No." He groaned at that, "What!? Why no!? You just said you had wanted this!! You couldn't have changed your mind so quickly!" I shook my head and looked down to hide my face. "I want... need you to call me that first." "Call you what? I don't... wait, you mean...Luch?" I looked up at that and smiled. You really don't realize how much you miss something so simple until it's gone. He smiled at that and dove on me, clashing his mouth to mine. I didn't bother to stop the moan that slipped from my throat. I felt a blaze follow his hand as it slid down my chest to my stomach, parting my robe. He lightly grazed my stomach in a circle with his nails as he leaned down to kiss me at the base of my neck. He slid his hands down my sides and grabbed my hips as he switched to sucking my collar bone. My moan quickly switched to a gasp as he suddenly nipped my nipple, following it with a soothing lick. I thought my heart blew up as I suddenly felt a large hand circled my rigid pole. "Nothing should feel this great", I thought until he licked from my balls, up my shaft, to my head. He circled once before taking just the head in his mouth. I let out something close to a scream as I felt the warm, wet embrace. I felt his tongue slide across my slit, followed by a groan. "Oh my god, Luch, I've never tasted anything this good. You're so sweet!" He dove down and swallowed it all before I could respond. This was too much. I felt a wave of anxiety as his hands slid up the back of my legs and lifted them to my shoulders, fully exposing me. He had held eye contact with the entire time and instantly saw my concern. He took his mouth off me to talk and replaced his work with his stroking hand. "Relax babe, I won't do anything you don't want, but I am planning what you think." He again moved before I could respond. My orientation was completely flipped as he pushed my legs back and up. Suddenly, my ass was straight up and exposed. I was looking straight up at my hard, red dick until my vision went pure white. Brett had suddenly planted his face in to my crack and gave a long lick up the entire length. I nearly screamed when he went back and circled my hole. I couldn't believe that it felt this amazing. I don't think I could survive if it would be this amazing every time we were intimate. My dick suddenly spasmed when Brett penetrated my hole with his tongue. I felt myself teetering on the edge as he circled inside me. I could feel my heart racing. He pulled away and looked down at me with a smile. He leaned down for sweet kiss. "God you look so sexy right now. Let go babe. I want to see you explode." He suddenly penetrated my hole with his finger and circled until I felt shock go off in my ass. My moan turned in to a scream as he pushed against that spot. I drenched my face as I exploded. Then everything went black. Pathetic Excuse For A Man I know this story is a little long. But the truth be told by Angelique’s husband Kyle. I hope you enjoy the twists, Angelique did. ***** I can’t believe all this has happened to me, or to us I should say. One day I’m climbing up the corporate ladder, riding the crest of the wave it seems, the next thing I know my life is a complete nightmare or worse. I didn’t imagine anything like this could happen-but it did. I need to write it down so maybe I can sort this thing out in my mind, if I can. It all started on my wife’s on coming birthday. Well, let me explain a little about Angelique, if I can. She’s simply a goddess, so beautiful and sexy, though a bit spoiled, at times she can act like a bitch, it’s true. And I thought I could provide her with all the things she wanted and needed, but I’m not so sure now. Our marriage started off on such a positive note, after all being hired on at Waller Industries was a big step in my career. We bought a nice big house and I bought her, her own car. She had money to shop ,one of her great passions. We had memberships at the exclusive Three Pines Country Club, courtesy of Waller Industries. Life seemed.... Well, great, or so I thought. Looking back now, I think it all started at that dinner party we attended at Jason Waller’s home. Estate would be a better word. The function was held in my honor so to speak, to celebrate my promotion. All four of the Vice Presidents and wives attended. Let’s just say Angelique was in her element she looked well, radiant, so beautiful. I remember how her strand of pearls seemed to glow in the soft candlelight. I knew she was happy, it just showed, I thought she was proud of me too, for my achievements, for getting us this far so fast. Maybe I should have paid a little more attention to what was going on, but I was celebrating and these boys were drinking so to speak, so I didn’t find it too unusual when Angelique struck up a friendship with Charlotte Waller, who was the strikingly gorgeous blonde wife of Jason Waller of course. Not that this was odd in any sense, just unusual for Angeliique. I mean my wife just never seemed to have many female friends, she always remained rather aloof in their company, so to speak. I assumed she was doing this to further my career. Later I realized that they indeed shared a common bond, a new friendship, obviously though, this wasn’t the only friendship that started that night. Let me explain if I can. I more or less knew all the males present that night at the table, except one. He didn’t seem to fit in with the rest of us, and I knew he wasn’t a Vice President or anything, or even employed by our company. He sat next to Charlotte, who sat next to Angelique, but across from her. Lets say he took this opportunity to gaze upon my wife, to say the least he devoured her, like she was the only woman in the room. I must say it bothered me a bit, but Angelique didn’t seem to notice, or at least pretended not too. On a few occasions throughout dinner Charlotte grabbed his arm, affectionately, including, referring to this stranger in their conversation, in which I paid little attention to being engaged in Jason’s business topics. Maybe I should have paid more attention, but as it turned out, there is little I could have done about anyway. It was after dinner things took a little turn for the worse. We had retired to the large game room for cigars and brandy, the conversation turning to sports, a topic I admit I knew little about. So I kept quite. Meanwhile our hostess and the wives gathered around the billiard table, preparing to play a game. I stood with the men at the bar sort of feeling left out. here stood this stranger, drinking whiskey. I’m sorry he just made me uncomfortable. Maybe it was his size, big broad shoulders that seemed to want to bust or rip the seams of his suit jacket. Then too was his hair, thick and long, the ponytail cascading down his back, but it was his eyes-intense, full of confidence. They could mesmerize you, I think, especially the ladies, including Charlotte Waller who seemed to adore this man. Why would Jason then, tolerate this? It just seemed strange. Trust me things were about to get a lot more strange. As we men were busy conversing, this Mako character excused his self and made his way over to the pool table where Charlotte and Angelique were engaged in a game. Nobody paid much attention except me. I suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable. He said something to them and they both laughed. Next thing I knew he picked Al Hamill’s wife as a partner and they proceeded to play a game. I glanced at Al, who didn’t seem to notice or care, what was happening. Then why did I? I must admit I burned with jealousy. This good looking stranger was obviously attracted to my beautiful wife; he had stared at her all throughout dinner. Was she attracted to him? As if to answer my own question, suddenly he guided her effortlessly against the table, instructing her how to hold the stick, to aim at the cue. The embrace seemed to last forever. I wanted to rush over to interrupt, but at the same time I didn’t want to appear jealous in front of everyone, including my boss. Perhaps an excuse to leave would be a better option. I knew I had to get my sweet wife away from this man. “Well gentlemen it’s getting late.” I announced looking at my Rolex. Jason Waller smirked. “Nonsense, the night is still young.” “And besides we haven’t played panty pool yet.” Al Hamill chipped in. “Panty pool?” I had never heard of this game before. Jason laughed wrapping his arm around me, propelling me forward towards the pool table. “Look Kyle, you can’t leave your own dinner party so early, without being introduced to a Waller Industry tradition.” He looked me in the eye and I knew I wasn’t going anywhere-yet. “All of our new managers participate.” He explained his arm still around my shoulders. “Exactly what does this involve?” I asked. “Just a little friendly competition young man. A game of billiards for a small wager.” “Well sir, I’m really not that good at billiards.” “Well we will have to remedy that, won’t we?” “I guess, if you say so.” I agreed not wanting to displease Mr. Waller. “I do declare Jason; you didn’t inform Kyle about the wager?” Charlotte spoke. “Ahh yes, the wager. As I said it’s a company tradition to wager a ladies pair of panties. That is ,if the lady agrees.” He and I looked directly at Angelique. She seemed slightly taken aback but after a hesitant moment responded. “Well of course, if it’s tradition.” Before I knew it a pool stick and a shot of whisky was thrust into my hands. I gulped down the whiskey hoping for courage against the impending doom I felt. “Now don’t worry young man, Mako is good ,I’ll grant you that, but you represent our company.” Jason encouraged. “Thanks.” I mumbled. How did I know somehow it would be him that I would have to play? I looked over at Angelique hoping for encouragement, but none was forthcoming. She was too busy staring; admiringly I must say, at her new hero, Mako. I lost, and to add insult to injury I only sunk one of my balls. If that wasn’t embarrassing enough, Mako made sure to prolong my agony, offering me untold opportunities to display my lack of talent. Mako finally sank the eight ball, tuning to my wife, a lazy expectant smile on his face. Angelique seemed mesmerized for a second before calmly turning her back to us and removing her panties. When she handed them over to the victor he had the audacity to actually hold them to his nose and inhale her musky scent. Needless to say we had a big fight on the way home. Relieved to finally make our escape, I never less accused her of flirting with Mako, a charge she angrily denied. Angelique maintained she was only helping me further my career .I’m not sure if I quite believed her, although I had no reason to doubt her. Angelqiue had never flirted with anyone I knew of in our short tow year marriage. Regardless, the next day a rather expensive gift arrived courtesy of Waller Industries. It was a billiard table. Let’s just say this argument continued on the surface everything seemed fine, we talked at dinner, Angleique dropping hints of what she wanted for her birthday (the list was quite long) but she denied me sex, remaining aloof, which is unusual for her. I always considered her a borderline nympho. I decided on a pair of pearl earrings to match her necklace, and an expensive black corset (with bindings). I could picture her in my mind wearing it. What a goddess, for sure this would arouse her into her former self. Her big day arrived, I had arranged to come home early from work, getting home about three. Angelique was in the whirlpool, surrounded by bubbles. Our dinner reservations at a local restaurant were not until seven. I still had plenty of time to relax. “Hi babe, getting ready for our big night?” “Yes in a way. I decided to cancel the reservations.” “You what?” I was somewhat shocked. “Calm down darling, and don’t be so selfish.” “It’s your birthday.” “I’m aware of that stupid, that’s why I took the liberty of canceling. Besides, my friend Charlotte has catered us a seafood dinner.” “She what?!” “Kyle, dear, sometimes you can be so dense. We are staying home tonight and that’s final.” It was useless to argue with her. She always got her way. Later as we were eating in the romantic candlelight, I couldn’t take my eyes off her she looked stunning. I had to be the luckiest man alive, I thought contently. We made small talk throughout dinner then presented her with her gifts. She absolutely loved the pearl earrings, putting them on right away. “I’ve always wanted one of these.” Angelique announced upon seeing her black corset. “I can’t wait to wear it.” “Please do.” “A little later perhaps.” I couldn’t wait; somewhat disappointed it wasn’t now. “Maybe I will put in on after my next gift.” She said. I was somewhat puzzled until she said. “Charlotte has arranged billiard lessons for me. For my birthday.” She explained. “Billiard lessons?” “God, sometimes you act so stupid.” She said rolling her eyes. “I am sorry but just what are you talking about, what are billiard lessons?” “Okay Kyle, remember that man from the party, Mako?” “Well he’s coming over to teach me to play pool, you know the one who won my panties?” “He what!!??” I shouted “You heard me.” Angelique looked like a total bitch standing there with her hands on her hips, looking down her nose at me. In which she was a bitch. I couldn’t believe it, I just couldn’t believe this was happening. This guy was not coming into my house. I had to try and reason with her. “Angelique, sweets, listen, this is preposterous it’s your birthday we should spend it together alone. I tried to explain. “Kyle, honey.” She said this with sarcasm. “It is my birthday and it is a present from Charlotte Waller, I’m doing this to help you of course. I can’t refuse her very sweet gesture.” The doorbell rang. Mako entered our dining room boldly. He was not wearing a suit this time, instead a black leather vest which showed off his huge muscled arms and a tattoo of a shark on his right bicep. His long brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. He looked like a biker, a biker form hell, maybe. He smiled down at me. I could feel my heart pumping furiously in my chest. “I guess you know why I’m here?” He asked me. Yes I thought sarcastically ,for my wife. I noticed he was carrying a black case. “This if for you.” He turned to my wife, who was literally staring up at him with it seemed goo-goo eyes. “Hello nice of you to come sir.” Angelique breathed. Mako smiled exposing his even white teeth. “Shall we get started with you lessons?” “Why yes, our table is in the den.” I just sat there stunned. I could see them from where I was sitting. I realized just how short my wife’s skirt was as she stretched over the pool table. Believe me I was smoldering with fury but helpless to stop what was coming. I gritted my teeth when I saw him instruct my obedient wife on how to stand while making a shot, using this as an excuse to touch her. I half heartily hoped she would protest this, but instead she seemed to enjoy the attention. “In case you’re wondering why I suggested that you wear a short skirt is because it’s such a distraction.” Mako told her, loud enough for me to hear. “What if I was playing another female?” Angelique asked innocently. Mako laughed before answering. “I know you could distract them too.” This was just too much. I cleared my throat and timidly entered the room. “Oh Kyle, are you going to try to win my panties back? Angelique asked sweetly. No, I knew I didn’t stand a chance. “No, I was hoping to have a word in private with your guest.” I led him to our parlor, upon entering Mako shut the door, as I turned to face him. I suddenly felt trapped. “I want yyyou to leave now. My wife doesn’t need any pool lessons from you.” I couldn’t believe I said this to him. I was so intimidated. “Understand this Kyle, these lessons are a gift from Charlotte Waller.” “I do appreciate the offer but my wife and I have to decline.” Mako’s eyes bore down into mine until I looked away. “Mrs. Waller wouldn’t like that very much.” He warned “Well, Mrs. Waller is not my employer.” Mako laughed, “Then you really don’t know Jason very well.” “Listen I’m not going to argue with you. I ‘m prepared to suffer the consequences.” I don’t think Mako liked my tone of voice or what I had to say because I never saw it coming until his hard fist was driven into my unprotected solar plexus. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe and then I doubled over and hit the floor. I was aware of him standing over me smiling down as if daring me to get up. I fought to regain my breath helplessly. “Looks like your suffering the consequences.” I couldn’t speak and I don’t think I would if I could have, just clutched my stomach in agony. Mako chuckled, then laid down the law. “You might not believe this Kyle, but I did that for your own good. I just don’t want to see you flush your career down the toilet. That wouldn’t be fair to your beautiful wife, would it?” “She needs you to support her in that lifestyle she craves.” His concern was touching, I thought sarcastically. “But she also needs things you are not providing her with, and that’s not fair either. That’s where I come in my friend, to give her the things she needs.” This guy was crazy, and he was dangerous. I didn’t dare try to get up, even if I was regaining my wind. He extended his hand to offer me aid to rise. I didn’t except. “That’s what I thought. If you were any kind of man you would get up and defend your wife.” He nudged me with his foot. “That just goes to show you now I’m an alpha male, and Angelique knows it too. She knows who is in charge.” With that he turned and left the room. I cursed Charlotte Waller. I wanted to call Jason to see if he could stop this, to have Mako removed but I knew somehow this just wouldn’t work. They would probably laugh in my face. Maybe call the police but what could I say. Angelique had invited him into our home. No, if only I had a gun! No, I couldn’t use it anyway. In stead like the coward I was, I crept silently towards the den. I felt a lump in my throat when I saw them. Mako was behind my wife, she was bent over the pool table, both holding the stick, aiming at the cue ball. I noticed Angelique’s panties were visible, her short skirt doing nothing to hide her ass. “That’s it, slow even strokes.” He encouraged. “Take your time.” She shot at the ball, but remained were she was. I watched in turmoil as his large strong hand reached down to slide softly against her silky panties. I waited for her to protest. “Oh Mako, what are you doing?” “What I want.” I couldn’t believe it, Angelique actually parted her stocking legs to allow him easier access. His hand slopped down even further. She dropped the stick to brace her self over the table. “What if Kyle comes back and sees you-us?” Mako laughed. “What’s he gonna do about it.” “Ooooh Mako, we shouldn’t.” I doubted that would make him stop. Why didn’t she slap him at least? Then he gently turned her around to kiss her. her long fingernails dug into his vest. She raised one of her legs, trapped in his arms, as his hand boldly explored the front of her panties in a soft circling motion. He was kissing her neck now so she leaned back onto the pool table. Then he roughly tore open her shirt to expose her bare breasts, soon he was working his magic on her protruding nipples. She moaned enjoying herself. My God she likes it, I realized. Somehow my dear wife was under this stud’s spell I needed to stop him but how? Then to my astonishment I felt my hard-on. I continued to watch, appalled at myself but fascinated at the same time. Mako by now was kissing his way down to my wife’s stomach at the same time pulling her panties down and off. then he grabbed her by the ankles and effortlessly spread her legs apart. “My God you’re beautiful, and so wet.” “Please don’t Mako.” Angelique begged. “You need to learn, Angelique, that I am your new master.“ “No please don’t do this to me.” She struggled helplessly, trying to twist away, but it was hopeless of course. Next Mako picked up the polished pool stick, holding it against Angelique’s cunt. “Move on it.” He ordered. “Oh God no.” But she obeyed rubbing her wet pussy against the wooden pole. I was startled when he called out. “Hey boy, get over here, now!” He turned to look at me. “Don’t make me tell you again.” I hesitated then slowly walked forward. Mako pushed the stick harder against my wife’s cunt. She responded by grinding faster. “Come here boy, I want you to see how wet your wife is.” I started down at her. There was no doubt she was excited. Her trimmed pussy was flushed bright pink, her lips opened like a flower glistening. “Oh no, not in front of him.” She pleaded, upon seeing me approach. “Well he no longer matters, he knows his place.” I noticed the pool stick was shiny from her juices. “Take my jeans off boy, for you’re wife.” “What?!!!” I wanted to run but couldn’t “Don’t make me bitch slap you.” Mako warned. So to avoid being assaulted again I obeyed. He wasn’t wearing any underwear. I couldn’t believe my eyes, staring me in the face was the biggest semi-hard cock I ever saw. Christ it was more than twice the size of mine. “Now get over there and don’t get up.” He ordered. Then he wrapped his fingers in Angelique’s long dark tresses to guide her onto the floor in front of him, on her knees. “Oh my God, I do declare.” She exclaimed upon seeing his horse cock. “Lick it with your tongue first.” He instructed. God it would never fit in her mouth I thought. In spite of myself I grew erect as I watched my wife tongue Mako’s massive manhood, making him swell too. Then he looked at me and smiled. “From now on Angelique you are my slut. You will obey me only. Do you understand?” “Yes, Mako.” “Take it in your hand. Did I tell you to stop licking?” “No Mako.” “Good, now rub your pussy with your finger.” She did as she was told. “Put it in your mouth.” He demanded. I couldn’t help it. I had to stroke my cock. Instead I rubbed it through my slacks. Mako must have noticed his next orders were for me. “Who gave you permission to do that?” “No one sir.” I answered pathetically. “Take your pants off and don’t touch yourself boy.” He actually laughed when I undressed exposing my five-inch dick and skinny legs, the reason I never wore shorts, even on the hottest days of summer. Meanwhile my beautiful wife was busy; doing her best to please her thickly muscled stud. Pathetic Excuse For A Man “Do you feel how hard I am, how powerful?” He asked her moving it against her lips. “Oh yes Mako.” Angelique breathed. “I thought you might need a man for a change. I mean after being married to that pathetic excuse for one.” Angelique didn’t answer, just performed her current task. “God, yes your sweet wife has such a wicked tongue.” Suddenly he reached down to lift her up in his powerful arms to put her on the pool table again. Seizing her legs he spread them open. Her manicured finger was still in her cunt. She stared up at him with fevered eyes. After a minute he bent over to tongue around the outside of her pussy lips. Teasing her. she moaned, trying to move her cunt onto his tongue. “Oh please, please just eat me.” She begged. “I’m so wet.” “I usually don’t eat my slut on her first night of training.” When he did insert his stiff tongue in her waiting pussy, Angelique literally thrust it on his entire mouth. “Ooooh nooo.” Mako gripped her butte cheeks in his strong hand and licked her from bottom to top. “Oh God yes!!!!” She cried out. “But then, not all my sluts taste as good as you.” She went wild, thrusting up onto or into his mouth. Her own fingers squeezed her hard nipples, pinching them. Myself, I didn’t care if he saw me or not I stroked my own hard member rather furiously. Mako let her ride his mouth until she came. Then again. After that he pulled her towards him and with his hand guided his huge cock all over her wet creamy pussy getting it wet. “Oh Mako, just fuck me now please. Fuck me.” He grinned, placing his hard swollen cock at her opening. Slowly ever so slowly he entered her. It slid right in with ease. Deeper, at first Angelique hardly moved seemingly pinned to the table. Mako slowly increased his tempo, filling her deeper with each measured thrust. I couldn’t hold back any longer exploding in my hand. By now Angelique was fucking him back, fingernails clawing his broad back. “Oh yes, fuck me with that big cock. Fuck me, Oh God yes.” She screamed. Mako obliged, giving her all ten inches. She screamed, and I knew she was cumming. so did he. “That’s it bitch cum all over my cock. show your hubby what you like. “Oh fuck, oh fuck me you bastard.” She panted. He was slamming her now. I could actually hear it. With glazed eyes she looked over at me. “How could you let him do this to me?” Angelique accused, the pleasure clearly written on her beautiful face. “What do you expect from such a wimp?” Mako said through clenched teeth continuing to pound my wife’s pussy. After that they ignored me. I felt invisible, not to mention worthless I wanted to crawl into a hole in the wall and disappear. I watched them, feeling numb. It was apparent Angelique came again. He had lifted her up impaling her on his powerful, thick dick, and she was riding it, fucking it for all it was worth. I closed my eyes for several moments, until I heard a loud slap. Now he had mounted her form behind. God was there no end to this? I was hard again but this time I refused to jerk off. “Angelique, squeeze my cock with your tight hot pussy. That’s it, just like that.” Mako instructed his new slut. “From now on, no one fucks your hot little cunt but me. Nobody, and that goes for that lifeguard, Matt too.” Who in the hell was Matt? I wondered. I knew things would never be the same, never.