13 comments/ 19751 views/ 7 favorites Out Of The Shadows Ch. 06 By: ingarlm Thanks for your comments on the last chapter. I felt the story needed an explanation of Rob's side to understand what he does next, but perhaps it was a bit too much - I'll bear that point in mind in future writing. This chapter does move the plot on, and it is not the last, but I think there will only be one more. Sorry for the delay, but I've been really busy, and I found this chapter really difficult to write. * * * * * * 6 * * * * * * Alex I stopped crying after I got dumped in the boot of a car, suddenly more angry about this situation than anything else. I should have been getting laid right now, not kidnapped. They were using me to get to Rob and I needed to be strong, and if at all possible stop him from getting into their hands. I was sure he would try and save me if he got the chance, but he was more important. He needed to bring these guys down for good, I was next to useless. I tested the bonds at my wrists, finding no give in them at all, and aside from bending or slightly straightening my legs I couldn't part them where they were tied together at the ankles either. The blindfold prevented me from seeing, but it was unlikely there was any light in that small space anyway. I couldn't even call out for help. The most helpless I had been up to this point was when Rob bent me over the sofa and held me down. It had been forceful and dominant, but he would have stopped in an instant if I asked. Right now I had no idea where I was being taken or what they would do to me, and I was scared. I pictured Rob getting home, finding the house trashed and me gone, and that brought the tears back to my eyes. Even though I knew it was going to end at some point, I never imagined we wouldn't even get to say goodbye. I lost track of time, emotions swinging wildly from fear to anger and depression while the car travelled. There was no chance of me working out where we were going, or how far or fast. I bumped my head a couple of times when it slowed or accelerated sharply, but that was about all the indication I had of the outside world. I could hear the exhaust and occasionally a quiet voice, but even straining I couldn't make out any words. While the car was in motion I knew nothing worse was going to happen, apart from me being taken further away from Rob and safety. When it stopped, the fear rose again, making me shake. I didn't know much about these people but what I had heard was enough to know I was right to be scared. The beating I had from them was high in my mind though the bruises had gone – I might soon get another set of those. I concentrated on slowing my breathing, trying to force myself to be calm and strong when they spoke to me and not to think about what else might be coming. The most important thing was that they didn't get to Rob. I knew their intention to some degree, they hoped he would exchange himself for me. I doubted that I would get away from this unscathed in either event. Voices outside the car startled me and the adrenaline kicked in, not that I could run anywhere even if they let me out. I picked up the occasional word but not enough to work out what was being said. Someone was not happy though, and I guessed I was the consolation prize right now, a means to an end but not what they were hoping for. Presumably I had been taken to one of the Merrett brothers, the only one not yet in custody. The boot lid opened and I froze, not wanting to aggravate anyone more than I had to. Even though I was still blindfolded I could tell it was light wherever I was, either inside or I had been travelling for longer than I thought as it should be night by now. "Better than nothing. He won't want a civilian getting hurt," I heard, clearly now. "Plus he's supposed to be under police protection, that's really gonna piss him off," another voice replied. "We call him in an hour, give him time to get back and stew when he realises I have the upper hand," the first voice said. From the comment that was clearly the leader. Then I was plunged back into darkness and quiet as they shut the lid on me. Whatever was going to happen to me, I had an hour longer to worry about. * * * * * * I tensed every time I heard a sound, but I had no idea how long I had been left. It's impossible to judge an hour when almost every sense is impaired. I tried to think happy thoughts, imagining myself in Rob's arms not tied up in the back of a car, but it was hard to do that when my arms were going numb from being tied behind me and the gag in my mouth didn't feel anything like Rob's tongue when we played together. Cried out by now, all I could do was wait for this all to be over. At least I wasn't going to die a shy virgin, I had known love and even if it was for a short time not everyone could say that. I wished I could speak to him again, or to my family. I knew they would miss me too and my heart ached at the knowledge they would never know who I truly was. It was cold wherever we were parked, and I wanted Rob's warm body against me, soothing me before he stoked the flames of my desire yet again. He could do that so easily, just with a look, a gentle touch, anything he did aroused me. Here, now, it was hard to remember that with anything other than a smile, even if my mouth was sore and I hurt inside knowing I wouldn't have it again. The sounds and light came again, when I wasn't expecting it, but this time I was hauled out of the car, letting out a muffled cry of surprise and pain as I was dragged to my feet by my trapped arms. My feet on the ground at last, I felt the car behind me and leaned on it for support as the gag was removed as well. My mouth was dry, all my saliva having been soaked up by the rag. I still couldn't see, exactly, but there was a shadow moving in front of me that was probably a man, and another stood close to my side, holding onto one of my arms even though my legs were still tied together and there was nowhere I could go. Then I heard the beeps of a phone number being dialled and knew they were calling Rob. My heart was pounding, desperate for this not to be happening, for me not to be the one used to bring him to them. "Rob, how nice to speak to you again," the boss said calmly. I couldn't hear Rob's exact words, but I could certainly hear the tone of them and it sounded like threats. The man just laughed. "In your position, I'd be rather more polite. Or do you not want your friend released in one piece?" The response this time was quieter, and I was desperate to know what was being said, or at least to hear Rob's voice. "Of course. Speak." The last word was directed at me as a command, and I felt the phone pressed up against my face and heard Rob's voice in my ear. "Alex, are you okay?" It took every ounce of strength I had not to reply to his concern. I stayed silent as I heard him say my name again. "Speak to him," I heard again, much closer now, and I shook my head in refusal. If Rob thought I was already dead he wasn't going to put himself in danger, that was my thought. I ached to reply as I heard him again, whispering my name. There was a movement beside me, but the phone didn't move or at least not far, then there was pain as something collided with my stomach hard. I bent over and gasped for breath, managing somehow not to cry out at the sudden violence. That had been a fist, I could be pretty sure of that, and then there was another, higher this time and more into the side of my ribs. That one did make me cry out in pain and as I tried to straighten up the phone was thrust back to my ear. "Alex!" he shouted. "Alex, are you okay baby?" That last word shouldn't have slipped out, I was sure, but I had probably been the only one to hear the endearment. So much for staying silent I thought as I drew in a breath and tried to reply. "I'm fine Rob. Don't come," I stammered out, with as much bravery as I could muster. "I have to. It's my job to keep you safe, remember?" "Not this time, please. Don't let them..." A hand was shoved over my mouth, shutting it before I could finish begging Rob not to put himself in danger. I struggled slightly against the hand but it just tightened and I gave up the attempt, trying to take in the rest of the conversation. "Much as he might want to be a martyr here, we all know you aren't going to allow that. So shall we talk details?" That was all I heard, being shoved back into the boot and the lid slammed shut. I kicked at the car, angry that they were using me and that Rob was going along with things to save me. Did he seriously think they would let me walk away from this? He was the one who told me they didn't like witnesses, and now I was party to more criminal activity they certainly weren't going to let me survive. * * * * * * Rob I stared at the phone on the table, willing it to ring. Every moment they had Alex was another moment they could be hurting him. I knew he couldn't be dead, they wouldn't take the chance on me still coming to them, but once I was they probably had every intention of killing him. He'd be expendable immediately. Me, they'd probably torture for a couple of days first, never even realising that they'd already carried out the worst torture possible. I had to find a way to get him out safe even if I had no chance. As long as he was alive and well, it would be worth it. I wanted to call the Chief and let him know what was going on, but I knew he wouldn't let me hand myself over if I did. Tense and scared, not for myself but for the man I loved, I paced, never far from the phone, working through scenarios in my mind of how to get him safe. Even though I had been expecting it, the sound of the phone finally ringing made me jump. I took a couple of deep breaths before answering, hoping I could keep calm. I failed almost immediately. "Hello." "Rob, how nice to speak to you again," a voice I knew to be Tony Merrett replied, sounding amused. "You shit. Not got the guts to come get the guy who actually pissed you off? If you hurt him..." He interrupted me, and I had to grind my teeth not to bite back, but he was right, he had the upper hand right now and if I wanted Alex safe I had to play along. "In your position, I'd be rather more polite. Or do you not want your friend released in one piece?" "Prove to me he's okay, and we can talk." "Of course. Speak." That last part wasn't to me, I knew, and I waited for Alex's voice to come down the line. There was nothing, and I started to panic. "Alex, are you okay?" "Speak to him," I heard being shouted, not really in the background. Tony must have been really close to Alex and the mere thought of that made my skin crawl. "Alex," I repeated quietly. There were no words, but I could hear movement, a gasp, maybe some shuffling, and then there was a cry of pain. I stiffened, knowing that was Alex and they'd just hit him. He wasn't playing along and they were going to hurt him until they did. Anger rose in me but I needed to know he was okay. I felt even more helpless right now than when they beat him before, and I cared a hell of a lot more. "Alex!" I almost screamed. "Alex, are you okay baby?" "I'm fine Rob. Don't come," I heard him say, his voice tense. My love was being hurt, how could he possibly think I wouldn't come? I knew he wanted to spare me from the same, but at least to some extent I deserved it. There was no way I was letting him suffer in my place. "I have to. It's my job to keep you safe, remember?" "Not this time, please. Don't let them..." His voice was clear, if pained, and he was begging me not to come, even though I was sure he knew I would anyway. They knew that too, even if they had no idea exactly why. When he was cut short I panicked again for a second, then hearing the sound of a door shutting and figuring they were locking him up somewhere. Not great, but at least he wouldn't be hurt if he was kept secure. "So, Rob, you know what I want. You come to me, I release him, everyone's happy. Well, except you, but I can live with that, and I'm sure you'd prefer it was you rather than him." Bastard, I thought, even teasing me with what he planned on doing with me. He was right though, I'd do anything for Alex, and I knew what handing myself over would entail. "I don't trust you Tony." I heard him laughing. "I didn't really expect you to, but you do know I'm a man of my word. I can make life very uncomfortable for him." "We do this my way. There's a service station off the M6, we meet there in an hour, and this is how it's going to happen..." * * * * * * Alex Silence, again, as I was back in the boot. At least the gag was no longer in my mouth, but there was no point crying out, the best that would happen is them putting it back in. Worse would be if they decided to punish me a bit first. My ribs and stomach ached now, but in a strange way it distracted me from everything else, and compared to the last beating they'd given me this was nothing. I desperately wanted to know what they were discussing with Rob. I knew he was going to try and make an exchange no matter what I wanted. He felt guilty enough about what I had been through and he would want to make sure nothing more did. I still doubted that he would find a way for either one of us to get away from this, but in any event, he wasn't going to. I would almost rather die with him than have to live without him in the knowledge he had suffered to save me. Perhaps if I did get freed I would find a way to get to him before he was killed. There must be something. I struggled to remember any detail of where I was. It was cold out there, certainly inside, and it echoed. Probably a warehouse or someplace like that. Shit, there were thousands of them in pretty much any part of the country. We couldn't have travelled too far south, but I didn't have any concept of what time it was or how long we had driven for. Frustrated by how little I knew, I could only hope if I went to the police with it they could put the details together with what information they already had. I could try and work out the time from here to wherever they now took me, as it was unlikely Rob would just agree to walk in here, and they wouldn't take the chance of telling him exactly where they were. There must be some procedure for this situation, but then I had no idea what it would be. I also doubted Rob would be following it. He didn't like rules, he'd told me that almost straight away, and nothing he had done relating to me had been in accordance with any rules that existed, I was sure. It was probably frowned on to get sexually involved with someone you had in protective custody. Idly I wondered if he would have dared tell his boss what was going on, and discounted that possibility. The car started again, startling me out of my thoughts. This time, I was going to pay attention and commit every part to memory, the sound of heavy doors opening, the potholed surface we then drove across, waiting for gates to be opened maybe? Every piece of this helped, I was not going to feel sorry for myself, I was going to do my best to save him. * * * * * * Rob I felt surprisingly calm as I got into the car. I knew my plan, I hoped it would work as far as getting Alex away safe was concerned. What happened to me after, well, that was just going to have to be. The worst thing they could do to me was hurt him, so if he was safe I could cope with my fate. It's not like I hadn't been in danger from the first time I made contact with the gang, and it had only got worse the longer I stayed undercover. They would probably get caught, eventually, and at least most of the gang were in custody already. I had done what I could for the police, now I had to do this for Alex. If all went to plan I would at least be able to say goodbye to him, and just maybe he would get to the Chief in time. Probably not, but it was something to hold on to. I drove in silence to the meeting point, trying to figure out exactly what I had to say, work out everything that could go wrong and plan accordingly. Alex was more of an unknown quantity in this situation than anything else. I knew exactly what Tony expected, and I knew Alex wasn't going to like it in the slightest. I just had to make as sure as I could that he would do what he had to, and leave me behind. One thing I did know, wherever they currently were holding Alex was less than an hour from where I had suggested we meet, as Tony hadn't even questioned the timescale. I was sure he was happy not to have to wait any longer to get hold of me, as he probably thought would have happened in the first place. I must make sure that Alex remembered to tell the Chief that they had managed to find my house – somewhere that was only listed in my real name and very few people would be able to find out about. It just confirmed my suspicion that there was another player involved here, at the very least a cop passing information on. The files containing my details were classified too, and getting access would not have been easy. As if we didn't have enough problems fighting crime, one of our own was working against us. My training was kicking in, but the part of that which said I should get myself out of a difficult situation had gone out of the window. The tension I could feel was mounting only slightly, there was more at stake tonight than ever before but I knew what had to be done. The darkness outside the car matched my mood, there was nothing good in any of this except getting Alex out alive. "You're going to be okay baby, I promise," I told the night, wishing he could hear me. * * * * * * As I got close to the meeting the main thing on my mind was Alex. I was scared for him and not for myself, but angry that I had put him in this situation. As much as he had forgiven me in the past, this time I didn't deserve it. What I really needed right now was to see him, hold him in my arms, and be sure that he was okay. If I could, I would take him away and make love to him for hours, but that was never going to happen again. Every moment we had shared was so precious but our time had been far too short. Stupid as I knew it would be, I had to tell him what he meant. I couldn't leave him without admitting the truth, nor could I let him go without hearing what he thought about me. I was sure he cared as much as I did, loved me too, and perhaps it would be cruel to leave him to carry on his life alone knowing that what we had was so special, but it would be worse to lie in the hope it would allow him to forget me. In many ways what he would go through would be worse than anything I would face. The thought of being alone had hurt me enough when I knew he would be somewhere else and safe - he would have to cope with me never coming back, but I couldn't see any way of getting us both out of this and he was the one that deserved to live. He would have willingly sacrificed himself for me, but he knew that wasn't the way it was going to work, and as hard as saying goodbye was going to be I could do this. I hated the fact we had met in this way, and that the life I had chosen meant I could never be with him. There had never really been a future for us, but at least until today I could have some hope. I took the turning, anxiety growing as I drove further away from the motorway and the main buildings at the services. There were hardly any cars around, as I had anticipated. Tony wouldn't want any witnesses, and I didn't need any more innocent people being put in danger, the one who already was held my heart, but I wouldn't wish meeting these men on anyone. There was a car waiting at the point I had told them. I counselled myself to stay calm, concentrate on what needed to be done and make sure I could see Alex drive away. After that I had no control over anything, and it didn't matter, all that mattered was him. Out Of The Shadows Ch. 06 I parked opposite, waiting for my phone to ring as arranged. I knew Tony would be enjoying this, and I expected him to make me wait for the call. It might not be them, it was too dark to see into the car at all, but I was fairly sure that it was. Alex was so close, so near to being safe, I just had to hold it together for a few more minutes. The sound of the mobile broke the silence, my heart rate ramping up as adrenaline flowed for the most important assignment I had ever taken on. "Tony," I answered, as calm as possible. "Let's get this done. Five minutes, as agreed. Never let it be said I won't give a man his last wish." I ground my teeth. That might be true but he didn't have to be so damn cheerful about it. Getting revenge on me was going to give him a great deal of pleasure, and if nothing else, that certainly meant I would be kept alive for a while. There was a minuscule chance it would be long enough. Tension mounting I watched as someone got out of the car and headed round to the back. The bastards had kept Alex in the boot, but getting angry about that right now wasn't going to help. I watched, itching to get over there and pull him into my arms, aware that I had to wait but my fingers drumming the steering wheel while I waited, and then finally he was there, a shape stumbling towards me in the darkness, moving a little awkwardly and I hoped that they hadn't hurt him too much. Everything else, everything after, went out of my mind as he got close, and I slid across the car to let him into the drivers side. He needed to get out of here fast and I wasn't going to make it any more difficult for him. In the very dim light I started to see his body, the one I had enjoyed so many times, and then his face, so beautiful even under strain as he obviously was. He didn't know what was going to happen, and he didn't dare hope it was good. * * * * * * Alex By the time the car stopped I had lost count, frustrated at myself for not being able to keep track of time. We must have been on a large road for a while though, it was smooth and even where I was I could tell from the noise that we were doing a good speed. I heard the murmur of voices once they parked, and even some laughter, which made me sick to my stomach. Anything these guys were happy about could not be good. I tensed as I heard doors open and shut in the car, and then the boot was opened again and I was hauled out. It was night still and we were in a carpark somewhere, from the sounds of it close to a motorway. They removed the blindfold finally and I could see lights from cars and columns not far away and they broke the gloom a little. I tried not to wince as I was pulled up and turned, bent forward while they removed the ropes, probably with a knife as it was so quick. Barely getting a look at either of the guys beside me in the semi-darkness, and more concerned about the circulation returning to my arms, I stretched out a little, wondering whether it was worth me running for it. I doubted it, they would be on me in seconds and I had been tied for too long to get control of my body well enough. I was lifted again, this time to be alongside the car, and I heard one of them speaking to me before I was shoved forward. "You've got five minutes. Walk, don't run." Another push to my back indicated I needed to walk forward. I didn't dare glance into the car as I passed, or turn my head at all, I was focussed on what was in front of me – Rob's car. Five minutes for what? Time limits didn't bode well, and I prayed he was still alive. I saw movement then, inside the car, but I couldn't see well enough in the darkness to work out if it was him until I was really close. The relief I should have felt at seeing him wasn't there, I knew this was the handover, but maybe he had some plan and we were both going to leave this place. I hoped that right up until I got in the car and saw his face, it was drawn, no sign of the smile I was now used to. As I sat and pulled the door closed behind me, he grabbed my hand, and something that should have been intimate seemed suddenly desperate combined with the look in his eyes. "Are you okay Alex? They didn't hurt you?" He was concerned, and the fact that he cared made me even more afraid of what was going to happen. It reminded me of what we shared, or what I hoped we shared, a connection that ran too deep for this to just be a goodbye. "I'm fine, they barely touched me. Please tell me you have backup," I asked, almost desperately. He shook his head slowly and that was the final push I needed to start the tears falling. I tried to sniff them back as I started to beg him not to go. "Don't do this, please. I can't...I won't leave you." "You have to. You have to be safe, okay?" "No, it's not okay," I screamed at him. "I'm not letting you go with them." My hand strayed to the keys in the ignition, thinking I could drive us both away, desperate to run, but his hand came down on mine before I could get there. "Alex, you can't. They'll shoot both of us if this car starts up now. I need you to get out of here, tell the Chief what has happened and make sure they get caught soon." "It won't be soon enough, will it?" That wasn't really a question, I already knew the answer. Without a firm location, which no-one had, it could take the police days or weeks to track the gang members down. "Probably not." He sounded so calm, and I couldn't understand how when he knew what was going to happen. His words made me lose my tenuous control and I started to cry openly, not even managing to stop when he wrapped his arms around me, drawing me as close as he could. "I am so sorry Alex. I wish it didn't have to be like this, but you need to stay strong, help the police catch these guys." I sucked in a few breaths, trying to stop the tears and at least be able to speak. My heart was breaking and I hugged him as well, never wanting to let go. I couldn't see his face as I spoke, my face was buried in his neck, and I took deep breaths, trying to memorise his scent and the feel of being held by him. "Please Rob, I can't just let you go." "There's no other way," he said, sounding sad. "I don't want to leave you either Alex, but this is the only way to make sure you are safe. Otherwise we both die." I nearly suggested that was the better option, but I didn't want to die, I just didn't want to live without him. He wanted me safe and it was the only thing I could give him right now, except maybe a confession. "I love you. I shouldn't be saying that now, but I need you to know." "I love you too. I'm sorry that my life has been so fucked up that I can't be with you, but you have my heart and knowing you are going to carry that with you, it means the world to me. You're the only one I can trust with that and the only one who will remember who I really am." His voice was cracking just as much as mine, and when I pulled back a little I could see the tears glistening on his cheeks. I raised a hand to wipe them away, but as soon as he blinked more fell to replace them. I felt like I was being torn apart right now, and I knew he felt the same. "I only just found you." "I never thought I'd find anyone. You've given me so much and all I've given you is pain. I'm so sorry." "You've given me love Rob, from almost the first moment. I just don't know what I'm going to do without it." "Promise me something?" "Anything." "You'll go to that club and dance, not just hover in the doorway. I know it will be hard, but you will be happy again, I'm sure of it." There was no answer to that, except one that would make him feel worse, so I nodded. How could he possibly think I would be happy without him, or knowing that he had died to save me just go on and live my life as though nothing had changed? He had my heart too, and it was going to die with him. I got the idea he didn't quite accept my response, but he didn't have the time or inclination to argue. He knew there was no point trying to persuade me now that everything would be fine. His hand reached up to stroke my face and then he leaned towards me, coming for one last kiss. Through my tear-filled eyes I saw he was suffering too, but I needed it just as badly as he did. It was the only way we really could say goodbye as neither one of us would want to say those words. His lips were soft, slightly salty when my tongue flicked out to taste him, but mine were too. He crushed my body to him as much as possible in the confined space and with the handbrake and gearstick between us, allowing me to hold him just as tightly, just as desperately. The kiss was long and slow, one that we both had to remember simply because it would be the last. I moaned in pleasure and desperation as his tongue slid into my mouth as it had so many times over the last weeks, and slid one hand up into his hair to grab on to him, keeping him where I needed for as long as possible. Never had a kiss meant so much, or been such a torment. I tried to memorise the feel of his lips, the way his tongue played with mine, the feel of him breathless against me, and to forget the tears falling and mingling on our faces. His hands were on my face now, tenderly holding me close and wiping me dry even though it was pointless as neither of us could stop crying. I didn't want this to end, it wasn't fair that I should have spent so long denying what I felt only to have my heart ripped apart when I found someone to love. Our kisses were desperate, not enough and too much at the same time. I needed him and I couldn't have any more than this moment. We both froze when the mobile started ringing, and I grabbed for him, trying to keep him with me no matter what that meant. My arms were still weak from being tied and he pulled away easily, pain clear on his face. "I have to go. As soon as I get to the car, drive off, fast. Go south to the next services and stop somewhere well lit and busy, then call the Chief. There's stuff in the glovebox with his number on and what you need to say. Just drive, don't look back and stay strong. I love you." He was almost out of the car before I managed to reply. "I love you Rob. Please don't go." But he already was, the door closed and he moved, not looking back. I watched him walk, slowly across in front of me and the doors of the other car opening as two large men got out. Rob's hand waved behind him and I knew that was my signal to leave, but I was shaking so badly it was hard to start the car. He turned just as I turned on the lights and he was illuminated, blonde hair shining, his face still wet with tears. He mouthed the word 'go', or maybe even shouted it, I didn't know, and that was it, I moved off and away, leaving him behind. In my rear view mirror I saw the men reach him and then I turned a corner and they were all out of sight. For the first time in my life I felt truly alone, and I was helpless to do anything but drive, knowing every turn took me further and further from the other half of me, and each moment that passed he could be getting hurt or worse. I tried not to think about that and to stay strong like he asked. I had a job to do, and only then could I let my feelings overwhelm me. And just maybe, a faint hope, we would be able to find Rob in time. * * * * * * Out Of The Shadows Ch. 07 Thanks for reading, particularly those who left me comments or sent mails. The story got longer than I thought, and there is another chapter after this one. The good news is, I'll be submitting it only a few hours after this one, so worst case scenario, it will be up on Lit tomorrow (it may even be up the same day). I also promise the final chapter is rather happier! * * * * * * 7 * * * * * * Alex I was on autopilot driving down the motorway to the next place I could stop, following the instructions I had been given blindly even though they were taking me away from Rob. He would be gone by now, there was no point turning back. All I could do to help him was to get the message through to his boss and just maybe it would be enough and in time. Once I reached the services I parked up close to the main building. It was still pretty quiet there, hardly peak hours but there were quite a few other cars. I fumbled for the glovebox to see what he had left me, finding first that he had left the mobile phone, which solved the problem of me having no money for a call. There were two envelopes, one with a number on scribbled next to the words Chief Inspector Smith. I tore the envelope open as soon as I had dialled the number, begging him to pick up quickly and thankful when his voice came on the line. "Hello, who is this?" My voice was shaky as I replied, and I knew it wouldn't be much longer before I broke down altogether. "This is Alex. They've got Rob." "Shit! Where? When? Are you okay?" "About half an hour ago at a service station off the M6. They took me from the house, told him he had to hand himself over or they'd kill me. I tried to stop him, but he said it was the only way and I had to get out of there and call you." There was a long silence on the other end of the line after I babbled out the story. He knew there was a lot more to it than that, and so did I, but right now I couldn't think straight. He was probably angry that Rob had disobeyed all the rules. "Where are you now? I'm co-ordinating the search up here now they've moved north, I'll send some uniform and then come meet you and get the whole story." I told him, distracted as I dropped the page of Rob's scrawly handwriting with lists and details for his boss. As the paper fell to the floor I saw the other envelope, one marked with my name, and I started to shake, no longer aware of anything but that. I grabbed it, holding it tight between my hands and staring at the one word, both desperate and terrified to open it. "Alex! You still there?" "Err, yeah, sorry," I stammered out, realising I still had the phone to my ear. "I'm okay, just lost it there for a moment." "I'm sorry too. We will do everything we can Alex, I promise you." "It will be too late, I know that, Rob knew it when he said goodbye." Somehow when I said it, my words were matter-of-fact, as though I had accepted it and wasn't still terrified of what was happening to him, or holding what was effectively his suicide note to me in my hands. More silence on the other end of the phone just confirmed he was thinking exactly the same as me. There was no chance, or it was so little that there was no point me hoping. His comment about doing everything was purely what the police said in such situations. "I'll be there soon. Stay where you are, think of any little detail so you can tell me. Anything might help us." "I will." I must have sat staring at the letter for at least five minutes, not sure if I could read what was inside. Whether I had cried myself out already I didn't know, but I wasn't in tears right now. I was scared and angry but mostly I felt numb, like I was in some kind of bad dream, but part of me knew that reality was much worse than the dream and how I was feeling right now. The letter, well that would be reality. Whatever he wanted to tell me, whether I'd heard it earlier or not, it was black and white, something I couldn't pretend didn't exist. I wouldn't want to either. I had nothing of Rob at all, this was it, one letter that he had left to say goodbye to me. I had no pictures, nothing but memories of a time that was all too brief. Taking a deep breath, determined to try and stay strong, I opened it and tried to take in the words, knowing in my heart this was just the first of a thousand times I was going to read it. My dearest Alex, I don't know what I will manage to say when I see you, I only hope that I will get to kiss you before I go and that I can get you safe. Please don't be angry at me for doing this, you know that it couldn't have happened any other way. Every moment we spent together has been precious, and my only regret is that I could never offer you the future you deserve - the future I wanted with you. I never expected to fall in love, but I had no choice, you have become everything to me. I know I can't ask this of you now, but you deserve to be happy and I know there is someone out there who will see in you everything I can see, how beautiful and wonderful you are. Don't let that pass you by because of me. My life has been so confused I started to forget who I really am. You helped me remember I am capable of loving and caring and I am so grateful for that. I'm a better person because of you. Don't be afraid, don't be angry, just remember how good it was and how much I love you. I'm going to fall asleep remembering holding you in my arms, the best feeling I have ever known. Rob x I sank down in my seat, shaking and sobbing, so cold all of a sudden that I was sure I would never be warm again. He was gone. * * * * * * Rob It was strange how the worst moment of my life was getting out of my car, not because of what I knew would happen to me afterwards, but because of what I was leaving behind. He was so scared for me and I was more concerned about him. I wanted him to believe that he could go on alone, but I knew it would be a while before he could think that way. He probably wouldn't blame me either, even though all of this had come about because of my feelings for him. He knew I should never have gone to him in the first place, or taken him away, or let myself fall for him, but it was too late for me to worry about any of that now. I'd wrecked his life and the brief happiness we had shared was going to haunt him for a long time. In a strange way, I had the easy part of this. I thought for a moment he wasn't going to leave, and as Tony's heavies moved towards me I screamed at him to go, and I saw the car lurch off, knowing he was still crying and feeling a strange mix of despair that I would never see him again and elation that he was safe and free. Even the first punch I received, more because I wasn't paying any attention to the men who thought I should be rather more respectful, didn't hurt when I saw the car turn out of sight. He was gone. I didn't want to make it entirely easy for them to tie me up, as seemed to be the plan, just to make sure that Alex got a good headstart in case Tony changed his mind about letting him go. I knew getting me was his priority but I couldn't trust him not to go after Alex too. With so few men though it probably wasn't worth his time and effort, I was the prize. Bound like I was sure Alex had been, they lifted me into the boot, making sure I was as uncomfortable as possible. I wriggled a little but there was no slack in the ropes, they wanted to make very sure I couldn't get away, and I didn't doubt they'd do a good job of keeping me. I turned my head up when I heard movement, and saw Tony Merrett looking down on me, grinning. "It's a pleasure to see you again Rob, if that is your real name. I think I'll stick with it anyway. You realise that I'm going to make you suffer for what my brothers are going through, and I'm going to enjoy every moment." "I didn't expect any different," I replied, as calm as I could. "You know it won't make any difference to what happens to your brothers, or the hunt for you. They've already got all the evidence they need to put you all away for a very long time." "It will make me feel better. I'm not a very forgiving person, and you got close to my family and screwed us over. No-one likes a grass, or a cop." "I figured you'd think like that. You always struck me as the craziest one, despite the competition from your brothers being so strong." Okay, so trying to wind him up wasn't the greatest idea, but I didn't see any reason to play nice. The only thing I had wanted out of this situation was Alex safe, and each passing moment he was getting further away and closer to help. Due to the darkness I doubted that Tony could have seen quite how we said goodbye, and even if he had there was little he could do about it now. I got a punch to the head for my trouble, and I felt a trickle of blood coming down my face, probably to mix with the tears I'd shed earlier. Another thing I was thankful the dark was hiding, we could barely see each other even so close and he'd never know how much leaving Alex had upset me. "Gag him," he ordered and I was raised to have some dirty rag shoved in my mouth and tied. It was already damp and I could only hope it was because they'd already used it on Alex and it wasn't anything worse than that. I only just lay down fast enough to avoid the boot lid shutting on my head, not that they would have cared and it was probably their intention. Then we were moving. I tried to remember the turns, check that we were going away from where I had sent Alex, tense until I was sure we were heading north again. He was okay, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Now I only had myself to worry about, and there was nothing more I could do. Perhaps this was some stupid and grand sacrifice on my part, but if I had seen any other way I would have taken it. I hoped he would find my note easily and that he would take some comfort from it eventually. I needed him to have some record of how I felt about him, even if it was the last thing I could ever say. It had been hard to write, and it would be hard to read as well, but he needed to know and I had to say it. Perhaps I should try and form an escape plan, but there was no obvious way out, and there was unlikely to be. Tony wouldn't take any chances on not having his revenge, or his fun, whatever that might be. * * * * * * How long was it until we stopped? Maybe half an hour, I couldn't judge it exactly. I heard gates and then a garage type door and then the car turned off and everything was quiet. I waited for the boot to open and the start of Tony's revenge, but after a bit of noise outside the car there was nothing, they just left me there. I was cold and uncomfortable, tense still not knowing what exactly was going to happen to me. That was probably the idea, leave me to stew for a while. Alone with my thoughts, they immediately turned to Alex. I wondered if he had found the Chief and how he was coping. Seeing him cry so hard, even while I was kissing him, that had hurt. Knowing that he loved me too meant the world, even if it could never come to more than it had. All those moments I had spent with him, days of never leaving his side, barely leaving the bed, they had been amazing. He was so gorgeous when I first saw him in his suit, but knowing now what he looked like naked and in the heat of passion, there was nothing I could have done but fall in love with him. Even given the position I was in the memories surfacing started to make me hard. I wriggled, trying to get that reaction to stop, and the pain in my arms helped with that. I wanted to be able to think of him, sure it would help me get through this, but getting erect wasn't part of that plan. I just needed the love I felt for him and the wonderful times we had spent together to keep me calm and sane until this was over. I meant what I told him in my letter, I was going to fall asleep remembering holding him in my arms. * * * * * * Alex Nothing made sense, I wasn't in the car any more, I was in a soft bed, and it was warm and light around me. Casting my mind back there were vague memories of people and being talked to kindly, but very little of it remained. I was tired and confused, but as my senses returned only one thought screamed at me. "Rob!" I cried out, sitting up sharply. He was gone, he'd said goodbye and left me that letter. Oh god, where was the letter, and where the hell was I? "Alex, it's okay. You're safe." I turned towards the voice, seeing the Chief sat by my bed. It was a good thing I was still a little out of it else I might have punched him for his words. Nothing was okay, and it wasn't going to be. "What happened? Where am I?" "By the time we found you, you had gone into shock. I don't know if you even remember us talking last night, but you were out of it and I had to get you to a hotel and get a medic to sedate you to let you sleep." "I don't remember. Maybe little bits like as if I was really drunk, but not much. Did I manage to tell you anything?" He shook his head, and I felt like crying again. I hadn't even helped Rob with what little I knew. I'd let him down and just fallen apart. "It doesn't matter, we have every possible man on the search. No-one is going to give up until we catch them. They took one of ours and we take that very seriously, I've been up most of the night following anything that might be a lead." "You haven't found him though." I stated, afraid to hope. "No. That doesn't mean we won't." "I want him back safe more than anyone, but that doesn't mean it's going to happen. He didn't believe there was a way out, he as much as said that in the car and in his note. Please tell me you have the note, it's all I have left," I begged. He handed me the envelope with my name on, and I hugged it to me, so happy to have that one thing that meant I would always be able to see that Rob had loved me. I couldn't bear to read it again right now though, especially not in front of the senior cop. I was sure he knew what it would do to me but that didn't mean I wanted him to see me dissolve into tears again. "I have to go back to work. If there is anything you can tell me now about where you were held or who it was it could be useful." "I was in a car boot most of the time, they only let me out once when they called Rob about the handover, to prove I was alive. They had me blindfolded, but I'm sure it was some kind of warehouse, it was cold and echoed plus I heard the doors when we drove out and then some kind of gate as well, so perhaps on an industrial estate. There were three guys at the house, one I recognised from before, when I got beaten up at home. I heard the beginning of the call to Rob and I guess that was made by the leader, the brother you haven't found yet." "That's probably right. We are looking for four of them, so you must have met the lot, unless they've got other contacts up here. I'll pass that information on though, thank you." "What can I do?" He gave me an odd look, one that I couldn't pin down to a particular emotion. It was hardly surprising if he was confused though, I could see from his eyes that he had barely slept, if at all. "Nothing. I've made arrangements for you to be taken back home later today. You should be safe back there now, but we'll put a guard on the place anyway." "You must be kidding. This is my fault, you have to let me help." Now his look was full of concern, and his voice was soft and gentle, reminding me a little of my hazy memories from the night before. "Alex, this was not your fault. Tony Merrett is a hardened criminal and used you to get what he wanted. He will have been looking for a way to get to Rob ever since the brothers found out about him being a cop. If Rob hadn't been with me when they came to the house they would have the both of you now. To be honest, it's a miracle Rob got you out of there in one piece." "I begged him not to come. It would have been better if he hadn't," I told him, my voice cracking. I was close to crying yet again. "He couldn't have left you there, and you know it. Much as he should have followed the rules and not handed himself over, playing for time to put an operation in place would almost certainly have got you killed. He did what he thought was right, and I understand why." I looked at him then, realising he knew exactly why this had happened. "You read the note he left me." Not a question, more of an accusation. That was private, for my eyes alone and I resented that he had looked at it even if there was a good reason. "Yes. I'm sorry, but I had to know if there was any important information in there. No-one else saw it. You have to know, he told me how he felt about you when I saw him, I didn't learn that from the note." "Then you should understand, I have to help him if I can. If it's all too late, I need to know." "I will tell you what we find, but I can't let you be involved in this. You're not police and as much as it may hurt, you can't do any more than you have. You need to go home and try and deal with all of this. That's not going to be easy, but I can get you some help." "I don't need 'help', I need him, and that isn't going to happen. He's gone." He let out a deep sigh, and I realised that this was affecting him too, not in the same way or as much as me, but he did care about Rob in his own way. His words were an admission, but so quiet I knew he could hardly bear to say it out loud. "I know." * * * * * * Rob I managed to sleep, at least a little, despite the discomfort. My dreams were filled with visions of Alex, and in the first moment after I woke, the one where you don't quite know where you are and dreams can still seem real, I thought I was still with him. Reality bit quickly, and I wanted to go back, fall asleep with him again. It wouldn't be long, but until then I was going to suffer. The other men looked refreshed when they dragged me out of the car, and Tony in particular had a huge smile on his face. I tried not to react, not wanting him to see any fear. I could handle whatever he had in mind, it could only last so long before he gave up and killed me, or my body gave out. Either way I knew he didn't have that much time, he couldn't risk staying in one place too long. It was a strange kind of relief when they moved and retied me. Having my arms stretched above my head, wrists tied to a rope slung over a metal support, was far more comfortable than being trussed up in the cramped space I had been all night. Not so comfortable was the improvised spreader bar they put on me, a scaffold pole with rope looped through it so that the rope went around my ankles each side and pulled the pole tight between my legs, immediately cutting a little into my skin. I waited in that position for what must have been another hour, or perhaps it just seemed such a long time because of what I was waiting for. I thought of shouting to him that I was bored, to get this over with, but there was a lot going on and I was intrigued. I'd never get to tell anyone, but the cop in me wanted to know what they were up to. Eventually all the movement of men and bags ceased, and Tony opened the main door for the other three to leave in the car. I tried to peek outside, see if I could get a clue about where we were, but all I could see was a little stretch of tarmac and part of another warehouse. I couldn't even see the sky, but I was sure it was blue, there was light streaming through the few windows in the building. Tony walked across to me then, finally paying attention to his plaything. For most of the time I had been hanging there he had been swigging from a bottle of something, and when he came close I could tell it was whisky. Even if we were now alone and he was drunk, I didn't think I could escape from this, but I resolved to find out what I could from him beforehand. Out Of The Shadows Ch. 07 "Nice of you to join me," I said sarcastically. "I'm glad you still have your sense of humour. I'm rather looking forward to beating that out of you," he replied, not as yet slurring his words or obviously drunk. "I'd hate to disappoint you Tony." He laughed, walking around behind me, and I refused to give him the satisfaction of turning to see what he was doing. I found out pretty quickly, when I felt the cold and sharp pain and then the sound of clothing ripping. He cut first my shirt and then my jeans off none to carefully with a knife, although I was fairly sure he had only nicked me. He wouldn't take a chance on me bleeding out too quickly. It was a lot colder now, and I felt much more vulnerable spread out in just my boxers, but I was sure that was the idea. When he came back around in front of me he had left the knife, and in his free hand was a long black whip. At least now I knew what he had in mind for me, but I only glanced at it, focussing instead on his face and ignoring what was about to happen. "Your 'friends' didn't give me long to pack, but I managed to pick up one of my toys in the rush. I was starting to worry I wouldn't get the chance to use it, so thank you for making your capture so easy. Unfortunately I haven't got as long to enjoy this as I would like, but I'll do my best." He was still grinning and swigging from his bottle, and I wondered why he was trying to get drunk. I could tell my lack of reaction was starting to annoy him, but it didn't really matter what I did right now, he was hardly going to make things easier on me if I begged him to. "Well, while you amuse yourself, perhaps you could tell me a story. Call it another last request, and tell me how you found out about me, and where your lovely friends have gone." "Fair enough," he agreed, surprising me. "We've got a little while to kill and it would be a pleasure to entertain such a favoured guest." I was worried more than anything that the others had gone after Alex. Tony was unstable at the best of times, and right now he seemed to be teetering on the brink of something. I had no idea what it was, and I was going to find out the hard way, but Alex had to stay safe. "I'll just limber up a little first," I heard Tony say from behind me, an instant before the first stroke fell across my back. * * * * * * It seemed like forever before he started to talk rather than just whip me. It was a frenzy of blows and although I couldn't help but struggle against the pain that just made the rope and metal at my wrists and ankles dig in deeper. I stayed quiet when it started, biting back any sounds of pain, but he kept going until he got that satisfaction, and now wherever he struck me seemed to be over previous strokes and cause me to cry out. From my chest I could see that he wasn't drawing blood, or at least not with most of them. The whip was designed to hurt and mark but not really to cut and scar, not that the realisation of that made this any better. I tried hard to focus on something else, think of being with Alex, but each blow seemed to bring me back to reality no matter how hard I tried. When he finally stopped, I shifted, trying to find a more comfortable position, but there was nothing. Each movement sent pain through my body and I whimpered quietly, trying not to let him know how much it hurt even though I was pretty sure he was aware and loving every moment of this. My head hung down as I panted for breath, trying to focus on something other than what was happening to me. "Now we've got that out of the way," he started, "we'll have a little chat before round two." He settled himself on a chair, taking in the sight of me with amusement, and I raised my head, trying to look interested and not like I was in pain. "My staff have, after some debate, decided to take their chances out there and attempt to make it out of the country. There is some possibility that will work, but I also suspect there are a hell of a lot more police on our tail now that we have taken you. Personally, I don't think I'd get very far." "So you're going to sit here and wait for them to find you?" "Of course not. I'm not interested in getting used to prison food, so I have made alternative plans." I followed his eyes around the room, and as he took more of his drink, I swallowed hard. There were petrol cans positioned around the room, close to piles of rubbish and wooden pallets. "That's right. I thought we'd go out in a blaze of glory. I'm afraid you're likely to be rather more awake for that part than I am, but I'm sure it will appeal to the martyr in you. After all, you gave yourself up to save your boyfriend." I jerked sharply when he used that word. I thought he didn't know, and I was suddenly scared. If he knew that, what was he going to do about it? He was grinning at my reaction and I mentally kicked myself for letting it show. "If I had more time, I probably would enjoy making him suffer too for what you did, but luckily for the pair of you I don't. Mind you, I wouldn't have let him go so easily last night if I'd known." "So how did you find out?" I asked, confused that he had only just discovered the fact. Perhaps he had seen us kissing goodbye. "My brothers and I were suspicious of you for a while before we found out for sure you were a cop. We had inside information and we decided it was time to check you out, and see how loyal you were and to who." He hadn't answered my question about Alex and me, but if he was going to tell me the rest of it then that was okay. It delayed any more punishment and the fire. "That's why you set me up and had me arrested, to see if I would take the fall for you?" He let out a short laugh. "No. We had you arrested so we could get into your place undisturbed and have time to look around. It took some time to find a convenient moment to do it, and you damn nearly got past the man tailing you with that wig on. Once you were out, he followed you, we searched your flat, and some others did the robbery wearing your jacket so the police would have reason to question you. We were rather surprised where you went on your night off though." "I like to dance," I told him to amuse myself, but it made him laugh surprisingly hard. The whisky must have been kicking in. "I don't think most men enjoy dancing up close and personal with other guys. I wasn't familiar with the club myself, but since not a single woman came in or out of the place we could safely assume you weren't there for that type of company. I was bored last night and looking for...well, flammable items, and I found the photos your tail took outside the club. It seems an unlikely coincidence that your solicitor was in one of those pictures." I laughed at him then, but not for long as it made me hurt far too much. I wanted to wipe the smug grin he had on his face at what he thought he had worked out off his face. "You're right, it does seem strange, but it actually was a coincidence. I didn't even see him at the club, we only met the next day at the police station." "So you say. You ran to his at the first sign of a problem at your flat as well, that's very cosy for someone you had just met, and going on the run with him just so you could dip your wick, not very bright of you. You should have known we'd use whoever we could to get to you." I stayed silent at that, far more aware than he could know how much I blamed myself for that. I knew I'd put Alex in danger, I didn't need the bad guy pointing it out to me. "I rather like the idea that you gave yourself up to save your fuckbuddy. Very noble of you Rob. You knew what would happen to you afterwards." "You said yourself, you would have killed him. Far better you only kill the person you have reason to." I wasn't going to argue the fuckbuddy point, he didn't need to know how much Alex meant to me or how much getting him free had meant. I had saved the man I loved and that was the one thing that was keeping me from going to pieces at what was happening to me. "I would have liked to see your face," he muttered, not finishing his thought, and my stomach clenched at even the idea of him hurting or killing Alex in front of me. To divert myself from that I asked the one remaining question on my mind. "Who is the dirty cop? Who told you who I was, where I was?" His grin broadened at my question, obviously pleased to be able to let me in on that secret. I had the feeling the alcohol was making him rather more agreeable to speaking to me than he would have been, and I didn't mind in the slightest. "You recall the Inspector who arrested you? He had one too many gambling debts racked up in the kind of places you really don't want to be running a tab, plus a few other unsavoury habits that brought him to our attention. He was surprisingly happy to help us, after a little persuasion." "They'll catch him too," I said, hoping that would be soon. No-one like that deserved to be on the force. "I don't think so. He was a loose end, we tidied him up. I was already planning to kill one good cop if I could, doing a bad one too really didn't seem to matter." I probably should have felt some sympathy for the guy, but given what I was going through I found it hard to think kindly of the man. If he had kept his mouth shut none of this would have been necessary and I could be safe right now with the love of my life, not staring at Tony Merrett and waiting for more torture. Still, maybe that guy had a family who would miss him and had no idea what he was really like. "So, now that you know all of that, I think I'm ready for round two," he told me, standing and reaching for the whip. * * * * * * At some point I lost consciousness, drifting in and out of reality and pain as Tony took out his frustration on me. There was nothing I could do to stop him, but the further detached I became from what he was doing, the easier I found it, and the more I could concentrate on feelings of love and being needed. I had found something and someone so special I never wanted to leave them, but now that it had been taken out of my hands, at least I had enjoyed my brief time with him. I wondered what he was doing, whether he was still crying for me, and I wished I could tell him more, reassure him somehow that he would be okay without me. I wanted him to find love again, be happy, be alive so that I knew that my death was worthwhile. I was leaving him to pain and loneliness and I hated that, but he would live on, and he would always remember me, and I took some comfort from that. I was warm, hot even, when I came round again. My skin was sore pretty much everywhere, but it wasn't just that, the air I was breathing in was hot as well, and the smell of burning was strong. I cracked my eyes open to see what I dreaded, and confirmed that the place was on fire, starting to fill with smoke. Tony seemed to have passed out nearby, and while I was out he had set the blaze going. Coughing, I struggled against the ropes, trying to find some give where there was none, scraping more skin off my sore wrists and causing the rest of my body to scream at me that it couldn't cope with movement, but I had no choice but to try. When nothing worked, I let my head drop, tears falling from a combination of the smoke hurting my eyes and thoughts of what I was going to lose and how Alex would cope with going on alone. All I could do was what I promised, and taking deep breaths to make sure the smoke got me before the fire, I imagined him in my arms, our bodies pressed together after we made love, his dark eyes looking at me with all the love he had and had never been able to express in words until the moment we had parted. I didn't want to leave him, then or now, but at least I could take the way he made me feel with me. His name was a soft and reverent moan from my lips as I slipped into unconsciousness. * * * * * * Alex I hated the Chief for sending me away, even though I knew he was right. There was nothing I could do, but I felt so helpless and I should have been able to do something. I knew Rob wasn't coming back, at least most of the time, but I couldn't stop myself from dreaming that he would. I had no idea how to live without him now that I had experienced all he could show me. Going back over the days we had spent, I found it hard to remember them right now with anything but sadness, because they all ended with that one last tearful kiss in his car, and the letter he had left for me. In two days back at home I must have read it hundreds of times, and each one made me cry for him. Perhaps he was still alive right now, in pain because of me, wishing he could come back to me as hard as I was wishing for the same thing. I'd talked to a counsellor thanks to the Chief, but right now I couldn't see how that would help me. Perhaps given some more time I would actually come to terms with this, but the pain was still very raw at the moment. I had bruises on my ribs again, not so many, but enough that I remembered all the bad that had happened to me. Even if I hadn't lost Rob as well I found it hard to believe that I could just go back to my normal life and forget everything. My house felt wrong as well, like it wasn't where I was supposed to be. I yearned to be back at the little cottage in the country away from all of this crap, people trying to help when they could never understand. My boss had been by, a couple of co-workers, even my parents, but none of them had any idea what I had been through. Even the policemen stationed outside my house knew nothing except I could be a gang target. The only person in the whole world who had any idea was the Chief, and he was too busy to talk to me. Even though I hadn't been able to explain myself fully, I had fallen apart in front of my parents, losing myself in a haze of tears and sobbing that caused my mum to pull me into her arms for some comfort. It wasn't nearly enough or whose arms I wanted to feel around me, but it was a reminder that there were still people who loved me. As she held me I stammered out the words I'd been too afraid to say before and told them I was gay, and I was just hugged tighter. All the fears I'd had about it, they seemed nothing compared to losing the man I loved, but I was accepted immediately, even my dad crying a little when I told them what I was allowed to about falling in love and having him taken from me. "Never forget that we love you too, and we don't want to be without you either. You can call us any time, promise you will." That one line meant a hell of a lot, not just that I had their support, but that they understood how dark the world around me was right now. I wished I could see some light, but even their love wasn't enough to stop me crying myself to sleep with how much I missed him. * * * * * * It was another two days, or maybe three, I was in too much of a daze to keep track, when the Chief came to see me for the first time. I knew from the look on his face that it was all over, but I needed to hear it if I was ever going to get any closure. That word was one my therapist loved, and was getting on my nerves already, but not knowing was hard and I wanted the uncertainty out of my life. "I'm sorry Alex," he started, slowly. "You found him." "We found the three men who were with Tony, and they told us where to go. They left the morning after the handover and Rob was alive then, but they said it would be too late. We found a burnt out warehouse and the local police were already investigating it as arson. They pulled two bodies out of it, and they're running DNA to confirm the identities we gave them." I was numb again, but the DNA part was what my mind focussed on. "He burned?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper. That was a horrific way to die. "No. Every indication is they were both dead before the fire took hold. I know that doesn't make it much better, but he didn't burn." "Thank you," I murmured, not even sure why. I shouldn't be thanking him for the worst news I'd ever heard. "If you need anything, get in touch with me. I realise it's not the same, but I miss him too. He was a good man." "Yes, he was," I replied almost automatically, my already red eyes brimming with tears. * * * * * * Out Of The Shadows Ch. 08 I finally got to the end! I'm submitting this only a few hours after chapter 7, so if you haven't read what happened to Rob while he was with the bad guys you might want to look for that first. As always, thanks for the support I get through votes, comments, and mails, it makes it all worthwhile. I've finally written something for my biog tab, and I'll try and keep it updated with what and when there will be a new story, but I hope it won't be too long. * * * * * * 8 * * * * * * Alex I was going through the motions for weeks, trying to see past my lost love and failing dismally. I went back to work, and everyone looked at me with pity. It didn't help that I would start crying at the tiniest thing, just a stray thought or something I saw or heard that reminded me of Rob. Some people were great, but no-one understood and I was signed off again, given tablets and therapy and told repeatedly that I could get through this. I still wasn't entirely sure I wanted to, but those thoughts did become less and less frequent. It was just too hard to contemplate the rest of my life without him, so I tried not to think beyond each day. I hated the night times most, because that was when I missed his body against me and his gentle words in my ear before we made love. I lost interest in sex, even with myself, because it was nothing compared to what I had known. The police were still around for the first couple of weeks, but I suggested they leave me alone. I knew the Chief wasn't that keen, but I could see no reason to keep them from real work. I didn't really believe I was in danger, and if there still was someone after me, well, I could go to Rob free from guilt. I didn't tell him that thought but I had the feeling he knew. My life seemed to be so full of secrets, not just what I couldn't tell those around me about the police operation, but my own ways of coping as well. I talked to Rob all the time, far more than was probably healthy, but just in case he could hear me somehow I wanted him to know how much I missed him and still loved him. His note to me was framed by my bed so I could look at it all the time without damaging the paper. The number of times I read it over the first few days, particularly after his body was found, it had already started to curl and tear, and it was the one thing I couldn't lose. Just to make sure I never did, and to remind me who my heart belonged to, I had his signature tattooed on my chest. I kept that one very quiet after my therapist looked at me disapprovingly. To me it meant I would never forget him, to them it was a sign I would never move on, I was marking myself as his forever. I couldn't see how that was wrong. I tried to keep some of my promise to him, not that I could manage very much of it. He wanted me to go dance, but I couldn't do that when I was so unhappy. I made it to the club though, right inside, and I spent every Friday night sat on the stool where he'd sat that first night, looking like the walking wounded and drinking myself into a stupor even though it was never enough to forget. Once or twice men took a second look at me, but there was practically a neon sign above my head telling them I was emotionally screwed and they should leave me alone. Only the bartender usually spoke to me, and after one attempt to cheer me up he gave up as well, just serving me drink after drink until I staggered home when I could no longer cope with the sight of the couples around me, whether they were long-term lovers or just getting together for the night. When I got home I would tell Rob how sorry I was I couldn't dance for him, and how much I wanted him to be there with me like he'd offered that one time. We should have been able to dance together, just once would have been wonderful, but I would have wanted more. I was always going to wish for more than we had had, more time, more sex, more of his love. * * * * * * Three months after my world had fallen apart it was yet another Friday night. I chatted to Rob as I got ready to go out, saying how I wanted him to be there with me so we could go and dance together, knowing that I was going to get drunk and come home alone missing him terribly, just like I did every other day. I cried less about that now, but always aware that my life felt empty without him. I sat on what I thought of as his stool at the bar, wishing that I had more reminders of him than I did. It was still just that letter, none of his stuff had come to me and I hadn't liked to ask. We only had a few weeks, it wasn't like I was family. Hell, I didn't even really know anything about his family. Glancing around the room I saw the usual mix of people, a lot of by now familiar faces, but no matter how hard I looked, and I always did, the one I wanted to see wasn't there. I sighed and let my eyes drift back to my drink, swilling it around the glass and taking a sip. I deliberately drank neat spirits now, finding the burn as the first few sips went down was strangely comforting, and knowing it would get me drunk far quicker than beer. It was just a good thing that so far only my Fridays were spent this way and I hadn't developed a taste for drinking every day. Taking another sip from my glass I sensed someone behind me and stiffened, hoping he was just passing by and wasn't going to try and talk to me. There was still the occasional person who ignored my attitude and attempted to chat me up. Please let it not be that, I prayed, but he didn't move away. I ignored it as best I could, unwilling to turn or look up in case it encouraged him to start chatting. "You're not dancing," he said, leaning in towards me so there was no doubt who he was talking to. I froze. That voice, it sounded just like...no it wasn't, just chance. I shook my head, not giving him any more acknowledgement than that, silently pleading with him to go away, still not turning around. If I didn't see the face that went with the familiar voice I wouldn't have the crushing disappointment that it wasn't him. "Alex, I came to dance with you." I shook my head harder, refusing to speak. I was cracking up, definitely. All those tablets and all that therapy, and now my dead boyfriend was talking back to me. What if I did turn round? Would I see him as well, or was it just a voice in my head? "Please look at me baby, I need to see you." What the hell. I might as well know how crazy I was. I still turned as slowly as I could though, spinning the stool beneath me and not daring to raise my eyes even when a body appeared in my vision. There was someone there. Terrified of what I would see I looked upwards even slower, not sure if I did want to see his face, but it was there. He didn't look like he normally did in my dreams or my imagination, but it was Rob. He was thinner, still built but not as much as he had been, and his face was drawn with dark circles under his eyes. Even they seemed dimmed but perhaps it was the semi-light in the club. His hair too, it was gone, or at least most of it, and there were short blond curls framing his face rather than the curtains I was used to. Hesitantly I reached out a hand, letting my fingertips drift towards the vision, not sure if I was expecting to meet flesh or for them to pass right through him. He looked solid, but it was only when I did meet his chest I believed that part. I just sat, staring at my hand and then his face, unable to form any words. He looked so sad as well, and I just couldn't process the idea that any of this was real. Nothing made sense, and as I kept looking at him, expecting him to disappear any moment, he smiled at me. That was such a reminder of his usual expression I couldn't help smiling back. I still couldn't move or speak though, it really couldn't be happening. I was shaken out of my thoughts by another man coming up beside Rob, smiling harder than either of us were managing right then. "Everything okay Rob?" he asked. "It'll be fine any moment," Rob replied. "Oh shit." I heard the words, not reacting, and I felt strong arms catching me as I slid off the stool, and then there was nothing but black. * * * * * * When I came to I was outside, the cold night air filling my lungs and the dull thump of music from the club telling me I wasn't far away. I was being held too, one arm around my back under my shoulders and the other under my knees, all my weight supported and my body being cradled against warmth and strength. I raised my head just as slowly as before, and then my hand, touching Rob's face with my fingertips. "Am I dead?" I asked. "No baby, you fainted." "Okay. I'm just going crazy then," I told him, not really caring if it was the truth. I snuggled my head against him, hearing his heart beat and smelling his scent, comforted by this even if it was all in my imagination. I heard a soft chuckle from him, and felt the vibrations of it through my body. "You're remarkably calm for someone who thinks they've gone crazy." "I don't care, if it means I can be with you again. I've missed you so much." He hugged me tighter to him, and I could hear his voice cracking when he spoke again. "I'm so sorry Alex. I wish you hadn't been put through all of that. I came back to you as soon as I could, I've missed you too." "S'okay," I murmured, relaxing into his embrace, trying to get closer. This was good, so much better than any time I'd dreamed about him before, so much more real. "Are you sure he's okay? He didn't hit his head or anything?" That was from another voice, the other man from inside the club, and I lifted my head a little to check him out. Why I was hallucinating him as well as Rob I had no idea, but on the other hand perhaps it was my fantasy life reaching out to me. He was almost as gorgeous as Rob was, darker haired but still fit, tall and broad the way I liked my men. "Alex, this is Cliff." "Hi Cliff. Nice to meet you." Green eyes looked at me with obvious concern until I couldn't take it any longer and shut my own eyes, cautiously opening them after a moment to see he was still staring at me. "Are you okay Alex?" he asked softly. I laughed then, pretty sure I wasn't but it was feeling good anyway. I wriggled a little in Rob's arms just to check he was still there. "I'm great right now. It just won't be when I wake up." I squeaked as my legs were suddenly dropped and I was swung around and pulled tight into a hard body. Rob stared right into my eyes as he wrapped his arms around me. "What's it going to take to make you believe this isn't a dream?" he asked quietly. He didn't seem to want an answer, he claimed my lips so I couldn't reply, and god it was good. He explored my lips and then slid his tongue into my mouth to tease mine, groaning as they met and tangled together. I didn't care if this was a dream, I was going to take every moment of it to treasure. My arms were clasped behind his neck, but I took one hand to entangle in his soft curls, moaning at the feel of him around and inside me. He pulled back after a few moments and I tried to follow him, wanting more of those kisses even as I panted for breath. This was one of many things I had missed, and I needed him. He looked at me quizzically, and I realised he had asked me a question. "They told me you died, they found your body in a burnt out warehouse. You can't be here, not after all this time." "It wasn't me Alex. Cliff dragged me out of there barely alive -- he's a fireman -- I've been out of it for weeks, in a coma with smoke inhalation and head injuries, plus what Tony did to me before he set the fire. When I woke up they told me I couldn't contact you, they took the Chief off the case when he argued for us, they were going to send me away somewhere with a new name as soon as I left the hospital and expected me not to find you. They wouldn't even let me have a phone to call." "But you've been allowed to come visit?" I asked, still disbelieving. "No. I bust out with Cliff's help. I told him about you and he got me out of the hospital and drove me down. I thought you'd be at home but when you didn't answer your phone or the door I came here. Now they won't be able send me away without you knowing I'm alive." Not all of his words filtered through to my brain, I was having a lot of trouble believing this was happening. It was so much like my dreams, where he came back. A few words made more of an impression than the rest. "You're going to leave? You can't go, I can't live without you again. I can't say goodbye to you a second time, it broke my heart before." "Then come with me." That sounded so simple, and although I vaguely realised it wasn't just a case of packing a bag and heading out, it would be a new name, a new place and us looking over our shoulders for trouble for some time to come, I didn't care. "Yes." I was being swung around, my face showered with kisses, and finally it hit me. Rob wasn't dead, I was in his arms again, and the sheer emotion of it overwhelmed me. I started to cry, but for the first time in months they were happy tears. He stopped kissing me and stroked my face, wiping them away just like he had in the car during our horrible goodbye. "It's okay Alex. I know this is a shock, but it shouldn't have been. They should have told you, let you come to visit me and maybe the sound of your voice would have woken me sooner. I never liked the rules, but using them to hurt you was the last straw and I ran to you just as soon as I could." "You're going to get in trouble for this, aren't you?" He smiled. "I don't care how much shit I'm in with my bosses Alex. I need you, I love you, and I couldn't live with the knowledge that you were hurting any longer. All I've ever wanted is for us to be together, even when I was being so damn stubborn and fighting my feelings with everything I had." "I need you too. It's been so hard without you, thinking you weren't coming back." "Do you want to go dance now?" I thought about that for less than a second, and as much as I wanted to dance with him, right now I wanted other things a hell of a lot more. For the past few months I'd barely thought about sex, but there was almost nothing else on my mind now I had accepted he was really here. I leaned in to breathe into his ear, gently taking a handful of what was erect in his trousers from being close to me. "I want this. I want you to fill me and fuck me with this." I didn't know it was possible to moan in pleasure and laugh at the same time, but Rob managed it. "What happened to the shy Alex I used to know?!" "You happened," I replied, still holding and stroking him where it counted. "Being with you showed me how important it is to take the chances you get given in life, live for the moment. Now we have a lot more moments and right now I don't want to spend them talking, or dancing, I want to be reminding myself of the feel of every inch of your body. And I do mean every inch," I said, squeezing the inches I was most interested in. "Christ Alex, I get the idea. Please let go until we get somewhere a little more private, and then I promise you can do whatever you want. But you need to know, we aren't ever going to fuck again. No matter how fast or intense it gets, we will always be making love." A delightful shiver went through my body at his softly spoken words, a feeling he had always been able to spark in me but one I'd never expected to feel again. I needed his touches badly and I was just as hard as he was despite him barely touching me. My hand on his cock probably wasn't helping me cool down any though. "Uh, Rob, I think that's well past my cue to leave. I'll see you back at the hotel. Gonna see if I can pick up someone even half as frisky as your Alex." I heard Rob laugh at Cliff's comment. "Take my advice Cliff, check out the guys who barely dare to go inside and see if you can bring one out of the shadows. It may be the best thing you ever do." Cliff's laughter faded as he disappeared back inside, but the intensity in Rob's eyes hadn't dimmed. "Take me home Rob," I begged. "I'll take you to the hotel. We can't go to yours, the police will be looking for me there, and I really don't want to be interrupted. I need to remind myself of every inch of you as well," he told me with a grin. * * * * * * How I kept my hands off him for the trip I had no idea, although I did have contact, holding his hand so he couldn't disappear. He didn't seem to want to let go of me either, but he couldn't possibly understand what I had been through without him. He had at least known I was safe and well, even if he knew I had been lied to. I kept looking at him too, reassuring myself that he was here and okay. He did look different, not bad, I could never think that because he was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen, but he needed to put back a little muscle, and his hair maybe. I kind of liked the curls, they were cute, and perhaps I could still run my fingers through it even at that length. I was itching to find out. I could feel him trembling, or perhaps it was both of us, there was tension and anticipation thick in the air and we both needed to reconnect badly. Our time apart had been too long and filled with fear and pain, and our time together had been filled with the unsaid and the certainty it would end. The hotel was close, but it still seemed a long way when all I wanted to do was get naked with Rob and do some of the things racing around my head, and from the looks he was giving me he was having some similar thoughts. We rushed to the room he had booked, no time to lose, but when we were behind the closed door there was no movement towards each other. Rob just stood and stared at me for a moment. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again." "I thought you were dead." "I very nearly was. Tony didn't want me to survive that fire." "You should never have done it, handed yourself over like that. I didn't want you to." "I know that, but I didn't have a choice. I love you, I couldn't let you get hurt for something I had done. Tony would have killed you and still come after me." "I guess, but driving off and leaving you with them was the hardest thing I have ever done." "You did what you had to, we both did. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that you were okay." "It's not been okay though, it's been dreadful. I've missed you every moment. They kept telling me I would get through it, even your note tried to say that, but I couldn't see it and sometimes I didn't want to either." There was a long silence after those confessions, and I guessed both of us were thinking about what had happened to us. We would need to talk, get those feelings out and work through them, but now, it was definitely not the time for sadness. I gave him a sexy smile, walking towards him. "I think we should forget about all of that for a little while. Maybe tomorrow, or the next day, or even next year, we can talk it all through, but right now is not the time. I wasn't kidding earlier, I really need to feel you inside me again." "That can be arranged, very easily" he replied, in a low growl. "Good. We need to get rid of these clothes though." I wanted to strip him, but I couldn't take it slowly. I practically ripped off his t-shirt and barely waited for the zip to undo before I pulled his jeans down. He was definitely thinner than he had been, and there were some strange marks on him that I didn't want to think about right now, but he was still amazing and the sight still made me want him badly. His boxers were under strain with his hard cock and I wanted that badly too. Sinking down I took his boxers with me as I went to my knees. I already had my tongue on his cock before he had chance to step out of them, and I heard his moan but only vaguely, I was too lost in my own desire. The taste of him, the feel of him in my mouth, it was all so good and the memories I had were nowhere near the real thing. Out Of The Shadows Ch. 08 Looking up I saw the face I had missed too, the one where he was struggling for control, desperate to come, but when his eyes locked with mine I saw the love he had for me, and the sadness at the time we had spent apart. I wasn't going to let that feeling win out, and I worked harder, teasing him, sucking and licking, working my way up and down his shaft and taking it into my throat as far as I could. His gasps and moans filled the room. His hands rested on my shoulders, keeping him upright while he shook with the pleasure I was giving him. I knew it wouldn't be long, I was too desperate to taste him again to slow this down and build him slowly and he wouldn't mind. I moaned at the feel of his hardness in my mouth and that did the trick, causing him to shoot his load into me. I cleaned him up, unwilling to leave him just yet, and his attempt to push me away was hardly effective. In fact, he was starting to get hard again as I licked at his head to get every last drop of cum. He pulled away then, having got enough control to move, and sat down heavily on the bed. "I forgot how good that was," he groaned out, still shaking slightly. "It gets better," I told him with a grin. "Oh, I know it does. Now come over here and let me get you naked so we can get to that part." Happy memories, the ones that had become hard to think of because of the pain that came next, flooded my body at the sensation of his hands on me again, slowly removing my shirt and then pulling the vest top I had on underneath up and over my head. He paused, looking at my chest, and then raised his eyes to my face with a grin. "I don't remember signing you before I left!" Oh shit, I'd forgotten about the tattoo. At least he didn't look upset by it, but I was blushing. He was the last person I ever expected would see it. "I wanted to remember you were always in my heart. It's kind of corny, sorry." "Don't apologise. I kind of like that you have my name on you, it says you are mine. I was just going to get you a ring." "W..what?" His smile broadened, and he laughed at me being flustered. "I want us to be tied together as many ways as possible, and I thought we could go choose rings and get married, once we decide what our new names will be. I guess I'll be sticking with Rob now!" "Okay," I stuttered out, confused beyond belief. He'd just come back from the dead and now he was talking about marriage, I was having a hard time keeping up. "We'll discuss it properly when you are less spaced. How about tonight we just do the loving, and tomorrow we deal with everything else? Right now, the only thing that matters is you, me, and what we can be doing when you take the rest of your clothes off." That, I could do. I got my jeans and boxers down and off fast, then launching myself at him, pushing him back so he was lying on the bed and I was on top of him. I heard a muffled grunt but I was sure I hadn't hurt him, it was just a surprise. He looked up at me with a smile, and slid his hand up to cup the side of my face. "You are gorgeous Alex. I love you." "I love you too. How about you show me how much?" I was hard, had been pretty much since I accepted he was really here, and now we were pressed together and naked I could tell he had recovered pretty much entirely. I had to fight the urge to get him inside me right that second, and hold on until I was worked open a little. After three months of celibacy, it was going to hurt otherwise, and I didn't want our first time making love to be like that. He rolled us over, pressing me into the mattress, and I savoured being under his hard body again. He reached for something, and I really hoped it was lube, but before I could think any more about that his lips were on mine and then he started working down my body with gentle licks and kisses. It was my turn to moan, writhing in pleasure as he touched and caressed me again. It was almost like the first time, when he hadn't known my body at all and was learning every spot that turned me on and made me moan. I was aching for more touches, to be claimed by my lover, but he worked on me slowly, even when I started to beg, moaning out his name and the word 'please' whenever I could catch my breath enough to speak. I bucked up into the warmth of his mouth when it finally reached my hard dick. I needed this badly, and I wasn't going to last any longer than he had. The first slip of a finger inside me made me shake, and when he worked it further in I screamed as I came harder than I could ever remember. The waves of pleasure running through me didn't stop, because he just used my orgasm as his cue to insert another finger and work me open. Moments later I was riding his fingers, begging for more with my movements, because I couldn't form the words. He knew what I needed, but he kept working me anyway. Maybe he had the same thought as me, about not wanting this to hurt me, but right now I wouldn't care, I just wanted him inside too much to mind if it started out painful, because I knew how good it would get. Even though I couldn't find the words, I found the strength, grabbing hold of him, flipping him over, and descending on his erection before he even realised where he was. I saw the look of shock as his eyes widened, but after that I was too involved in what I was feeling as he slid inside me. This was where he belonged, and where I needed him to be right now. I kept it slow, wanting to feel every little piece of him as he entered me again, slowly working more and more of him inside until at last I was sat on his body, panting as my body relaxed around him and moaning at the slight twitches of his cock as he struggled to keep from thrusting up inside me. I opened my eyes to look at him, seeing his struggle with his desire but also the love he had for me that was reflected back at him. I'd seen that look before, but now he had said the words to confirm what it was. "Hey baby," I whispered to him. "Are you going to do something about this? I want you to make love to me." "Come here." His voice was almost a growl, low and sexy, and he pulled me down to him for a kiss. It was a tender exploration, but while he was seated inside me it seemed more passionate than many we had shared. His hands stroked at my back, then he raked his nails down me very slowly and it made me squirm, little shocks going through my body at the contact. Every movement I made reminded me of him inside me and made me want him to move, make love, fuck me, whatever he wanted, but I couldn't take being still and I started to grind on him to encourage him. "Oh fuck," I heard him groan. His hands were on my hips then, and despite the weight he had lost and quite possibly some strength too, he lifted me a little, letting me fall back down to impale myself again. I liked the idea and loved the feeling, so I used my legs to help him with it, lifting myself up further each time to really appreciate the descent as he pushed me apart to claim me. I heard him groaning, but his sounds must have been drowned out by the ones I was making, screaming and crying his name, moaning at each movement of him inside me, desperate for more contact, more force, faster, my mind a whirlwind of emotions and sensations. He was back, and he was mine. Our roles were reversed again, he rolled me onto my back, kissing me harder than before while he sped up the pace and the force, pushing into my prostate on each slide into my body. Lights danced behind my eyes and I couldn't see him, all I could do was feel, take each thrust, pushing me higher and higher into ecstasy. I heard his voice, telling me how amazing this was, how he had dreamed of this moment and coming back to me, and I came, spreading my seed between our bellies. That was the end for him too, and I could feel his body stiffen as he released inside me, moaning my name as he came. The sound of that sent shivers through me even though I could barely move right now, exhausted but so happy I could barely stand it. I grabbed his face in my hands and began to kiss him frantically anywhere I could reach, thanking him while he tried to recover enough to kiss me back. With another moan from each of us, mine mostly of disappointment, he rolled off me, lying to my side and panting. His hand reached for mine and held it, stroking it with his thumb, and he turned his head so he could give me a quick kiss. "That was incredible, better than ever." "Because we don't have to pretend it doesn't mean anything now. You mean everything to me." "I know. You're my world too. I don't want to leave your arms again." "You aren't going to. I'm never letting you go, and I'm definitely never making you leave me again. I need you too much." I smiled at him, loving the words he was speaking to me. We spent so long unable to say what we were feeling, it felt so good to be able to tell him what he meant. "Sleep?" he asked, yawning. "So long as it's curled up with you." He moved, pulling up the covers and settling down properly on the bed, pulling me after him and into his embrace, and I snuggled against him. I was warm and comfortable, but part of me wanted to watch him rather than sleep, needing to make sure he would still be there. I was too exhausted to do that though, the night of emotion and passion had taken its toll, and I rested my head on his shoulder so I could let the sound of his heartbeat lull me to sleep. I knew when I woke up it would be with him, and for the first time, we had a future. All those plans I stopped myself from making before and had dreamed about when he was gone, they could happen. All the years I thought I would be alone were going to be spent with the man of my dreams, and I fell asleep with a smile on my face, thinking about tomorrow. * * * * * *