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Now or Never: Escape to Freedom Ch. 04

By: CE300



I apologize again for the great delay in this chapter. Life just has a way of getting away from you. This was a very difficult chapter for me to write. This chapter, as with all my other stories, has its sad moments and happy ones as well. Let it be known now that this chapter has minimal sex in it. So if that's what you're looking for then I apologize now. 

As always my disclaimer. This is a long chapter with a lot of dialog. So if you are looking for a quick read then this is not for you. If you are looking for a story with suspense, drama, tears and laughter then sit back, grab a box of tissues and enjoy Chapter 4 of Now or Never: The Final Good-Bye.

*****

Austin's heart was beating as fast as a freight train rolling down the rails waiting for Ryan to say or do something, anything. The slamming of the door was so forceful Austin could feel the wind rush past him. He wasn't too surprised that Ryan had reacted that way. There was a small part of him that had hoped Ryan would scoop him up in his arms and everything would be okay, but the rest of him expected Ryan to react this way or worse. 

Broken hearted, Austin walked back to his car and drove down the long driveway towards the road. He looked at the clock and realized it was getting late so he decided to head back into town and spend the night at the Pine Crest motel. 

When he pulled up to the motel, his heart grew heavy. So many different memories happened there. That first night when Ryan took him to the drive in with the famous picnic basket, remembering how excited and nervous he was to have been going out with such a sexy guy. The memory of Eric's attack and how Ryan charged in and saved his life sent a tear rolling down his cheek. He thought that maybe he should head out of town and try to find a different motel to stay at. One without the memories, but he was exhausted from the long drive. More than anything he wanted a hot shower, something to eat and a goodnights sleep. As he got out of the car he figured one more night couldn't hurt anything. So he walked up to the office, he noticed Mrs. Miller working behind the desk and when he entered her face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Austin, I am so glad to see you!"

"Hello Mrs. Miller. How are you doing this evening?" Austin asked as he walked up to the counter.

"I'm doing quite well. What brings you by this evening?" 

"I need a room for the night, please."

"Oh, running away again?" She questioned as she turned towards the key board.

"No ma'am." Austin really didn't want to explain that he felt like a complete fool for thinking that Ryan would take him back. 

"Here you go sweetheart. Don't worry I didn't put you in the same room as last time." She offered as she handed him the key.

"Thank you, ma'am." Austin said as he tried to take the key from her.

"Austin, if you need anything, please let me know." She gave him a sympathetic look that told Austin she knew what had happen between him and Ryan. 

Of course she knew; Austin was pretty sure the entire town knew what had happened. This was a small town and news travels around quickly. 

Austin's room was in the back of the motel this time. He wondered if Mrs. Miller was trying to hide or shield him from any danger. This room seemed nicer than the other one. They were identical but this one had a beautiful view looking over a field dotted with magnolia trees. 

Even though it was the beginning of November, the air was still nice and warm. After Austin brought in his overnight bag he sat on the edge of the bed and though of what he wanted to do next. The idea of a nice relaxing shower crossed his mind but he wanted to wait until he was ready for bed. He knew it was getting close to the time he needed to take his meds so he decided to find something to eat. The only place he knew that was close by was The Red Barn Deli but he didn't want to take the risk of running into Ryan or anyone else that knew about him. He walked back out to his car, turned on the GPS and searched for places to eat. The nearest fast food restaurant was Bo Jangles, which was only a fifteen minute ride. Austin set the destination in his GPS and headed out to get dinner. 

*********************

"What do you mean you just slammed the door in his face?!" Shelly said raising her voice at Ryan.

"He thinks that he can just walk back into my life after what he put me, what he put us through?!" Ryan yelled.

"Ryan, don't yell at your mother." Tom demanded.

"Sorry dad. I'm sorry mom I didn't mean to yell at you." Ryan offered.

"I know. What I don't understand is why you slammed the door in his face. I thought you said you missed him and you wanted nothing more than to have him back?" Shelly questioned as she watched her son pace the kitchen.

"I did or at least I thought I did. I mean, he just walked out on me. He took my heart out and stomped all over it, like it was nothing!"

"Ryan, you know that was not his intentions at all. You know that Austin has been through a lot in his life and he just got scared. I'm sure that he never meant to hurt you like that and I'm pretty sure he is sorry for doing it." Tom said trying to calm Ryan down. 

"He has no idea what I've been going through these past few months. The pain and the upset! It's taken me months to stop crying like a fool anytime I would think about him or someone would mention his name. I've lost so much sleep worrying about him, missing him."

"Then do yourself a favor and at least tell him how you feel. If you really want nothing to do with him then that can be closure for you." Tom suggested. "But just remember Austin has been through a lot."

"I don't think I can see him right now, I'm afraid I might lose control of myself and..."

"And what? Hurt him?" Shelly questioned with a worried tone in her voice.

"At this point, I want him to feel the pain that I felt."

"I think he has felt enough for his lifetime." Shelly paused. "You know, you sound just like Eric."

"Excuse me?"

"Did you hear what you said? You sounded just like Eric. I'm done with this conversation. If you want to go and tell him how you feel then fine, but don't go there to make him feel worse than he already does." Shelly said as she left the room.

*************************

By the time Austin had gotten back from getting dinner, the sun had already set and the night air had a slight chill. After he finished eating, he took his meds then turned the shower on and stepped under the stream. For the first time he let his mind relax and start to wonder. This was going to be his first night that he didn't have to fear that Eric was going to beat him or rape him. He stood under the water for 30 minutes before he finally reached down and turned it off. Grabbing a towel he gently dried himself off; taking care around the areas that were still bruised. Since he had no plans of going anywhere else that night he wrapped himself in the towel and laid on the bed. He turned the TV on and flicked through the channels until he came upon an old 80's horror flick, Halloween. Soon he could feel the medicine kicking in and was getting sleepy. Just as he was about to fall asleep, he heard a knock at the door. Immediately his heart began to race as a million different thoughts ran through it. Austin slipped out of bed and made his way over to the door. Of course it didn't have a peep hole so he couldn't see who was on the other side.

"Who is it?" Austin asked quietly. 

"It's Ryan."

Austin gasp. "Okay, give me a second." 

Austin unlocked the door and opened it, not realizing he was still only dress in the towel, to see Ryan standing there but there was something different about him. He was not his usual happy, charming self.

"Would you like to come in?" Austin offered as he stood to the side.

"What are you doing here?" Ryan clearly ignoring Austin's invitation.

"I wanted to see you and see if you wanted to..." Austin suddenly felt uneasy around Ryan.

"To what, get back together? After everything you put me through, you expect to just show back up here and me take you back?! You are fucking crazy for thinking that! You fucking walked out on me, Austin! Not to mention you left me and my parents stranded in New Jersey with no way back home! Thank god for my Aunt Cindy and Uncle Bill, they paid for our train tickets back home." Ryan yelled as he walked into the motel room slamming the door.

"I'm sorry. I just panicked when you and your sister started fighting..." Austin slowly backed away from Ryan until he was up against the bed. 

"Shut up!" Ryan said as he walked closer to Austin.

Austin started to tremble as Ryan advanced closer. This was a side of Ryan he had never seen before and it was scaring him. "Ryan, you're scaring me."

"Do you have any idea of the heartbreak I've been through?! Ever since you left I've worried about you, cried over the fact that you were gone from my life. It hurt me to see how easy it was for you to just up and leave me. Austin, I loved you with all my heart! I thought that was pretty obvious when I confronted Clare in front of everyone. When you left it made it seem like everything she said was the truth that you are a good for nothing freeloading slut!"

During this outburst Ryan hadn't noticed that he had backed Austin onto the bed. It wasn't until he was standing over Austin that he realized what he had done and noticed the terrified look on Austin's face. 

"I'm sorry! I'm leaving tomorrow and I promise I won't come back. Just please don't hurt me." Austin begged as he looked at Ryan's balled fists.

Ryan looked down a realized that he had been clenching his fists so tight that his knuckles were white as snow. 

"Fuck you Austin. Get out of my town and get out of my life! I never want to see your fucking face again for the rest of my life!" Ryan turned and stormed out of the motel room.

Austin sat on the bed shaking uncontrollably. Ryan had never acted like that towards him before and it really upset him. Now that Austin knew how Ryan really felt he knew that there was no chance on trying to fix what they once had. He decided that he would leave for Florida early the next morning. Austin could feel the onset of a panic attack from all of the stress. 

********************************

The next morning Ryan woke up with a splitting headache. He knew that he shouldn't have had those shots of Jack Daniels the night before. After walking into the bathroom and taking a few aspirin, he decided to give his cousin Josh a call and fill him in on the latest events.

"Hello?" Josh's voice was groggy with sleep.

"Hey cuz. I'm sorry if I woke you."

"No it's okay. Just give me a minute."

Ryan could hear rustling in the background and he figured Josh was going someplace so he wouldn't wake Justin.

"Okay, I'm back. So what's up?" 

"You are never going to guess who showed up at the house yesterday afternoon." Ryan said as he flopped back on his bed.

"Your sister." Josh jested. 

"Fuck that bitch. No, Austin." Ryan was met with silence.

"Okay... you don't sound so happy." Josh finally answered.

"He thought that he could just show back up here and I was going to take him back! Like nothing ever happened!"

"Dude, what in hell did you do?!" Josh was awake now.

"I told him exactly how I felt and that he was crazy for thinking that he could just walk back into my life after the way he left!" 

"Please tell me you didn't go all southern crazy boy on him."

"I told him how I felt and I didn't hold back."

"Ugh. I can't believe you did that." Josh scolded.

"Excuse me?" Ryan was a little surprised.

"Did you fall and bump your head or something? Did you forget everything that Austin has been going through the past few years?"

"I know what he went through, but for him to just walk out on me like it was nothing, how am I suppose to forget that?!"

"You're not suppose to forget that. You're supposed to be supportive and understand that Austin is a broken person. Think about it Ryan, for the past four years his so-called boyfriend has been beating the shit out of him and blaming him for things that he had no control over. You told me about the bad things that happen when he ran away. He probably blamed himself for all of them. When the fight happen at the reunion I can guarantee he felt that he was responsible for that as well. Don't forget that I have a boyfriend who has been abused as well and trust me Justin has his moments! I just remind myself that he's been through a lot and that I need to be there to support and help him out."

"But he just walked out on me!"

"Did you not just hear what I said? Let me dull it down for you. Austin is a scared person that has been trained into thinking that if anything bad happens when he's around it's his fault. Do you understand now?"

Josh was met with silence.

"Your silence tells me that you know I'm right."

"Fuck, what have I done." Ryan cried.

"I'm going to tell you what you're going to do. You're going to get in your truck, take your country ass over to the motel and apologize to Austin for being a complete ass."

"Well aren't you dominating." 

"It's early in the morning and I haven't been able to ravage my boyfriend yet." Josh laughed. 

"Okay I did not need to know that you haven't fucked Justin yet." Ryan laughed back.

"Who says he's the one that's going to get fucked." Josh said coyly. 

"You're a sick pig Joshua Histler!"

They both erupted in laughter. "But seriously, go find Austin before it's too late. Do you really want to lose him again?" Josh offered.

"No, you're right, and when did you become so wise in your young age?" 

"I grew up the day I realized that I loved Justin. Now go get Austin before it's too late. The next phone call I better get from you is that you have made up and are back together."

Ryan thanked his cousin for the wise words and closed his cell phone. He knew that Austin was planning on leaving this morning for Florida and hoped that he could make it to the motel before it was too late. Quickly Ryan threw on some clothes, bolted out the door and ran to his truck. Dust flew out from the tires as he tore off down the driveway. 

As he pulled up to the Pine Crest motel his heart dropped as he noticed that Austin's cars was nowhere to be seen. He spotted Mrs. Miller walking out of the office and he walked over to meet her.

"Good Morning Ryan. How are you this morning?" She asked.

"I'm good Mrs. Miller. Have you seen Austin this morning?" Ryan questioned.

Seeing the look of sadness in Ryan's eyes she placed a calming hand on his shoulder. "He went to get something to eat. He should be back shortly." She smiled.

Relief rush over Ryan knowing that he wasn't too late. "Thank you. I'm going to wait for him over at the picnic tables." 

"Okay darlin'. I'll bring you over something to drink while you wait." She turned and walked into the office. 

Ryan walked over and sat at one of the picnic tables under a giant magnolia tree. Mrs. Miller returned a few minutes later with a lager pitcher of sweet tea and two glasses. Ryan's nerves were on high throttle as he waited for Austin to come back. After last night he didn't know how Austin was going to react and he didn't know what to say to him. Ryan knew he was wrong for the way he overacted; he had seen the look of fear in Austin's eyes when he lost his temper. He regretted that more than anything. Never did he want to scare Austin, he knew that Austin was a damaged person and didn't deserve to be scared like that. 

Soon the familiar exhaust note from Austin's car came down the road. Ryan's heart skipped a beat as Austin pulled into the parking lot. Austin had not seen Ryan sitting at the picnic table and jumped when he heard Ryan call out to him. 

"Hey Ryan, what are you doing here?" Austin asked quietly as he kept a decent distance between them.

"I wanted to apologize for the way I acted last night. Can we go sit down and talk?" Ryan asked as he pointed to the picnic table.

"Yeah, sure...just let me go to my room. I'll be right over." Austin replied as he walked into his room.

Ryan walked back to the picnic table and poured two glasses of the sweet tea while he waited for Austin to return. When Austin returned he sat across from Ryan and took the glass of sweet tea. He didn't drink it but just watched the ice dance around in the glass. Austin was too intimidated by Ryan to look at him in the eyes. 

For the first time Ryan really got a good look at Austin and his heart dropped out of his chest. It looked like someone had beaten the shit out of Austin. Ryan wanted to reach out and touch Austin's blackened eye, kiss his pale lips, help him feel loved again. He knew that he could not do that right now and it broke his heart.

"Austin, I'm sorry for the way I acted last night. When you showed up at the house I had a flood of emotions coming at me all at once. I mean, at first I didn't think it was really you. I honestly never thought I would see you again."

"It's okay. I shouldn't have come back. I was stupid to think you weren't mad at me for what I did to you and your family." Austin said still not meet Ryan's eyes.

"Oh god no Austin. I'm glad you did come back, I really am! It just was a shock to my system. That night when you left I wasn't so much mad as I was heartbroken. I love you and it killed me to see you run away."

Austin looked up when Ryan said I love you. He didn't say loved but love. "You still love me?" Austin asked as tears began to fill his eyes.

"Of course I do. I never stopped. Even after all these months I never stopped loving or missing you." Ryan said as he got up and sat next to Austin. 

"I'm sorry Ryan for what I did to you. I just got so scared when you had that fight with your sister."

"Austin, that wasn't your fault and you can't blame yourself for that. Clare is an evil person and she had that coming. Ever since she was a teenager she has always thought she was better than everyone else. That fight was bound to happen sooner or later. I'm sorry but no one is ever going to talk about or too my boyfriend like that and think I'm not going to do something about that." 

There it was again. Ryan said boyfriend not ex-boyfriend. Maybe there was a chance they could get back together but Austin wanted to tell Ryan about what happen back in New Jersey. If they were going to start back up their relationship Austin didn't want to have any secrets. 

"Are you saying that you want to get back together?" Austin questioned nervously.

"There is no doubt in my mind, yes I do." Ryan smiled.

Austin took a deep breath. "Before you completely make up your mind I should tell you about what happen when I was in New Jersey."

"Austin, you don't have too. I can only imagine what that asshole put you through."

"I know but if we are going to start fresh then I want you to know everything so you can make a good decision."

"If you want to tell me then I will listen."

Austin lit a cigarette and began telling Ryan about the events back in New Jersey. Ryan stayed quiet as Austin told him how Eric would violently beat him almost every night and how he would tie him to the chair every day before he would go off to work. But when Austin told him about how Eric had let Shawn come over and rape him repeatedly, Ryan snapped.

"That no good mother fucker! You have to be a sick person to let some other guy come over and let them rape someone! Austin, how many times did that happen?"

"A few times. I honestly can't remember how many times." Austin said as the shame and guilt crashed over him. 

"If I ever see him I swear to you I will kill him, and that is a promise!" Ryan replied.

"I don't think you have to worry about that." Austin said as he took a drag from his cigarette.

"Why would you say that? Do you honestly trust his word after what he did to you? Because I don't believe anything that comes from that fuckers mouth!" Ryan explained.


Now or Never: Escape to Freedom Ch. 04



"I don't know why, but this time I do. There was something about him this time that made me believe that I will never see him again."

"Austin, for his sake I really do hope you are right."

For a few moments the boys sat quietly under the shade of the magnolia tree. Ryan kept thinking about Austin being tied up in the basement and left there for hours. The thought of Shawn coming over there and raping Austin whenever he felt like it made his blood boil. It wasn't until Austin spoke did he snap out of his trance.

"If it wasn't for his friend Dominic I don't think I would be here right now."

"What do you mean by that?" Ryan asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"One night, when Eric was working a double shift, Dominic came over and took care of me. He washed the dried blood off of me, made me something to eat for dinner, and didn't even try to hurt me. I thought he was doing all that so that he could take advantage of me, but when I tried to pay him back he stopped me. I think he was the one who called Beth." 

"Who is Beth?" Ryan asked.

"I'm sorry, Beth is Eric's sister. She was always like a sister to me as well. She is the reason I'm free. She flew out from California and pretty much told Eric that he was wrong for the way he treated me. They had a huge fight the one night, she probably thought I was still asleep on the couch but I had woken up when I heard Eric's voice." 

There was another moment of silence. Austin was starting to get an uneasy feeling that Ryan was second guessing having a relationship with him after everything he just told him. 

"If you don't want to have a relationship with me after this I understand. Who would want to be with someone like me? I've let guys use me anyway they please. I'm sorry Ryan, I really am." Austin said as he started to cry.

Ryan got up and walked over to Austin. He turned him around and knelt between his legs and looked up into Austin's eyes. 

"Austin, I love you. I want to be with you, I want to grow old with you. You are the light of my life and I can't imagine a single day without you. I know you have been through hell and back but that will never make me look or think of you any differently." 

"You don't think I'm a slut for letting guys use me?" 

"Hell no. I know you only did that to stop Eric from killing you. I love you Austin, just the way you are." Ryan said as he kissed Austin on the lips. "Come on, let's bring the pitcher and glasses back to Mrs. Miller and go home."

Austin couldn't help but smile when he heard Ryan say that. Once they had cleaned up and Austin checked the hotel room one last time he followed Ryan back to the house. When he walked inside Shelly came up and gave him one of her big hugs. Austin started to cry and when she asked him why he started to apologize for what he did. She pulled him back into her arms and told him that everything was okay and not to worry about it. 

"Why don't you go take a nice shower and I'll make all of us something to eat. I'm sure you are ready for a good home cooked meal." Shelly smiled as she let go of Austin.

"I have missed your cooking." Austin smiled back.

"Then go take a shower and when you're done we will eat."

Austin walked down the hallway and when he entered his old room he was shocked. It looked exactly the way it did when they left for the reunion. Everything was right where he had left it, even down to the socks laying on the floor. 

"I left your room just the way it was hoping that you would come back." Ryan said as he came up behind Austin.

Austin was speechless. He turned around and put his arms around Ryan. 

"Will you help me?" Austin asked.

"With what?"

"The shower. With my wrist fractured I can't really wash myself to well."

"Of course I'll help you. I'll help you with anything you need, just ask me." Ryan said as he kissed Austin. "Do you want to take a shower or a bath?"

"I guess a bath would be easier." Austin replied.

After Ryan had run a nice bath, he started to help Austin get undressed. As he helped Austin take his pants off he could see the dark angry bruises between his legs and he knew who had put them there. Ryan didn't mean to stare and when he looked up Austin had tears in his eyes.

"You really have been through hell and back." Ryan said as he put his arms around Austin. "Austin, please promise me that you will never run away again. You can talk to me about anything. I promise you that I will never get mad or hit you."

"I promise." Austin said as he hugged Ryan back.

Ryan sat by Austin the entire time he was in the bath and when it was time to get out Ryan helped Austin dry off and get changed into comfortable clothes. 

When they walked out into the kitchen Shelly had a huge breakfast all ready out on the table waiting for them. On the table were scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, toast, grits, sausage, oatmeal, and orange juice. 

"I didn't know what you wanted to I made a little of everything." Shelly smiled.

"It all looks so good. I don't know where to start." Austin replied as he looked at the food.

"Well, just dive in!" Shelly laughed.

Austin's throat was still sore so he had to take his time when it came to eating. Shelly noticed this but she didn't ask any questions. She knew why Austin had to take his time eating since the bruising around his neck was still clearly visible. Her heart ached for Austin wondering exactly how bad Eric had treated Austin. Even though Austin was not her son she looked at him like he was. 

"Crap, I forgot I have to take my pain meds." Austin said as he stared to get up.

"Do you want me to go and get them for you?" Ryan asked as he stood up from the table.

"No its okay." Austin said with a smile.

"Austin, you have a phone call." Shelly informed him as he walked back into the kitchen.

"A phone call? Who would call me here." Austin questioned.

"She said her name was Beth." Shelly told him as she started putting the dishes in the sink.

"Thank you." Austin said as he walked into the living room.

A few minutes later Austin came back and when he did Ryan could tell something was bothering him.

"Austin, is everything okay?" Ryan asked as he walked over to Austin.

"Um, that was Beth. She told me that Eric is dead." Austin said neutrally.

"Oh my god. Did she say what happened?" Shelly asked as she stopped what she was doing and looked at Austin.

"She said that when he didn't get up for work this morning she went to go check on him and found him unresponsive. Apparently he had taken an entire bottle of sleeping pills last night. She said she would call later with more information when she gets it." Austin grew very quiet. "If you don't mind I think I'm going to lie down for a little. These pills make me tired."

"Do you want me to help you get undressed?" Ryan asked.

"I'm just going to lay on top of the bed." Austin said as he walked out of the room.

Shelly, seeing the look of upset on Ryan's face, walked over and put her arm around him. "Are you okay?"

"Do you think Austin still loves Eric?" Ryan questioned as he looked down the hallway.

"Why would you think something like that?"

"When he told us that Eric was dead, I could clearly see the upset in his eyes." 

"Ryan, you have to remember Eric and Austin had been through a lot together, mostly bad, but there were a lot of good times as well. Eric was Austin's first love, which is probably one of the reasons he let Eric treat him that way. I can tell you this, Austin loves you or he wouldn't have come back here to see you. If he didn't love you he would have went straight to Florida. I guess what I'm trying to say is that Austin probably does still care for Eric but he is not in love with him." 

"I guess this means that Austin really is free from Eric. I know that shouldn't make me feel relieved inside, but now I don't have to worry about Eric trying to take Austin back." 

"Just do Austin a favor and just be there for him. His world has been turned upside down over and over again for a long time now, and this is going to do it again. Just remember to be supportive of him no matter what it is." Shelly said as she hugged Ryan.

"I'm going to go and lay in bed with him. I want to be there when he wakes up so he isn't alone."

"I think that would be nice. I'll come get him when Beth calls back if he isn't up by then."

"Thanks mom." Ryan said as he gave his mom a kiss. 

When Ryan walked into Austin's room he found him asleep on the bed. He walked over to the closet and pulled out a light blanket and put it over Austin. He gently sat on the edge of the bed, removed his shoes, and laid down next to Austin. The peace and quiet of the house relaxed Ryan enough to allow him to drift off to sleep. 

It was about two hours later when Shelly came to the room and told Austin that Beth was on the phone again. Ryan stayed in the room to give Austin privacy when he was talking to Beth. 

"What did she say?" Ryan asked as Austin walked back into the room.

"It was the sleeping pills. She also told me that the funeral is going to be this Friday, but that she knows why I wouldn't come and she said she didn't expect me too." Austin said as he got back into bed.

"You told her you're not going?" Ryan questioned.

"I didn't have to. She told me that after everything that Eric had done to me that she wouldn't expect me to want to be there." 

Ryan sat quiet for a minute before he spoke. "I think you should go."

"What?" Austin questioned.

"I think you need to go. One for yourself, it would be good closure and second of all for Beth."

"I don't know. Going to someone's funeral that treated me like he did would seem weird."

"Austin, it's not for him. It's for you. Look, I know he was your first love and that you still care for him. I know that he did a lot of bad things towards you, but I also know he did some good things as well. If you want I will go there with you."

"Don't you think that would be weird going to my ex's funeral?" Austin asked. Then it dawned on Austin that was the first time he referred to Eric as his ex.

"I'd be going for you, not anyone else." Ryan said. 

"If you think it would be good for me, then I guess we can go." Austin replied.

"Yes I do. Now go call Beth back and let her know that we are coming to the funeral." Ryan said as he kissed Austin's forehead.

"Can I do it later these pills are making it hard for me to focus."

"Yeah you can call her later. Why don't you rest some more and I'll come check on you later." Ryan said as he walked towards the door.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah Austin." 

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For taking me back, for loving me, for everything." Austin said as he rested his head on the pillow.

"No need to thank me. I love you and would do anything for you. Now rest and I'll be back later." Ryan said as he closed the door.

Ryan couldn't believe that he just convinced Austin to go to Eric's funeral. He wasn't happy, honestly he would be perfectly content if Austin didn't go, but he did truly believe that it would be the best closure for Austin. 

"Is everything okay?" Shelly asked as Ryan walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah I told him to lay back down and relax."

"Good. I'm sure he is tired and needs his rest."

"I also told him to let Beth know that we will be going to the funeral."

"When is it?" Shelly questioned.

"It's this Friday. I want to send some flowers to Beth. I've never met or talked to her but I'm sure she is going through hell right now." Ryan said as he sat at the counter.

"I think that would be a very nice jester."

"I'm going to go help dad. Let me know if Austin needs anything."

"Okay hunny, I will." 

Austin slept for a few hours before his meds began to wear off and he woke up. When he got up the house was empty. Ryan and his father were out tending to the horses and Shelly was most likely running around town doing something productive. He decided that he would call Beth and let her know that he and Ryan would be coming to the funeral. 

When he called she was kind of shocked they were going to attend but understood as to why. Austin told her that they would come up Thursday night and were going to stay with Josh and Justin. 

Later that night after dinner Austin took his night time dose of his pain meds and went into the room. By the time Ryan joined him Austin was already feeling the effects of the meds. When Ryan climbed into bed Austin was completely naked and sporting a full hard on.

"I want you to fuck me." Austin said in a slurred voice.

"What?" Ryan questioned.

"Fuck me nice and hard. Take back what is yours. I'm yours and you can do whatever you want to me."

Ryan did not like the way Austin was acting. "What's wrong with you? Why are you talking like this?"

"I fucked up. You can do whatever you want to me, remind me how bad I fucked up. You can hit me, choke, and rape me. I promise I won't fight you."

"What the hell Austin! That is a sick thing to say!" Ryan exclaimed. 

"It's the truth. I had a good thing with you and I fucked it up like everything else."

"Austin you are out of your mind if you think for one second that I'm going to do any of those things to you."

"Please Ryan, do something to remind me never to fuck up again." Austin said with tears in his eyes.

Ryan leaned over, placed his hand behind Austin's head and kissed him softly on the lips. "I think that is the best way to remind you. Not hurt you but to show you how much I really do love you."

"Can you ever forgive me for hurting you?" Austin said.

"I already did." Ryan replied with a kiss. "Come on; let's get a good night's sleep." 

The night before they where to leave for New Jersey, Austin's stomach was in knots. He didn't know what to expect when he got back to New Jersey. It would be the first time in years that he would see Eric's parents. He was looking forward to that the least. Ryan was busy making sure that they had everything packed and ready to go for the morning. When he entered Austin's room he noticed him sitting out on the back porch.

"Are you okay?" He asked as he took a seat next to Austin.

"You don't think this is a huge mistake going to Eric's funeral?" Austin questioned.

"If I didn't think it was a good idea I wouldn't have suggested it." Ryan reassured him.

"I'm so nervous about seeing Eric's parents again. It's been a long time since I saw them."

"You didn't see them at the holidays?" 

"No. They didn't want anything to do with me so I always stayed home for Thanksgiving and Christmas." 

"I'm sorry but that's messed up that they couldn't even put aside their differences at the holidays. Are you afraid they are going to say something nasty to you?"

"I know they will. I just hope I can handle it. Eric's mom can be very intimidating."

"Don't worry. I'll be right by your side the entire time." Ryan said as he put his arm around Austin. "Come on, we should get to bed. We are leaving super early in the morning and it's going to be a long drive."

"I guess we should get to bed. I don't think I'll be sleeping much though."

"It's okay; you can always knock out in the car."

It was a very restless night for Austin. His mind kept racing around the thought of coming face to face with Eric's parents. He just knew that they would blame him for Eric's death. 

It was about three in the morning when the alarm went off. Both of them slowly woke up and started to get ready to leave. As Ryan was helping Austin get dressed, Shelly knocked on the door. When Ryan opened it she was holding two cups of coffee. She asked if they wanted anything to eat but they both declined saying that they would just pick something up on the way. While Ryan was getting the last of their things put in the car Shelly pulled Austin to the side and wrapped him in a big hug.

"Are you sure you are going to be okay?" She asked as she pulled him close to her.

"I honestly don't know. This is a lot for me to handle." Austin said as he held onto her.

"I know it is. Just remember that Ryan is there for you. If you feel that it is getting to much tell him. I know he will take care of you. Remember he loves and cares for you a lot."

"I know he does or he wouldn't be going to my ex's funeral. I owe him for this." Austin said as he took in a deep breath.

As Ryan walked into the room Shelly grabbed him and brought him into the hug. "I love you guys. Please be careful out there and call me along the way so I know that you are okay. Ryan make sure Austin takes his meds and eats."

"I will mom. I watch him like a hawk." Ryan said as he smiled at Austin.

Just as they were about to walk out the door Shelly grabbed Ryan and pulled him aside. "Make sure you do watch him like a hawk. This is going to be a very difficult time for him. He is going to have a lot of different emotions flowing."

"Trust me mom, I'm not going to let him out of my sight for a second." 

"I have never been more proud of you than I am right now. It takes a big man to go to his boyfriends ex's funeral." She said as she gave him a kiss.

"I love Austin I would do anything for him." Ryan smiled.

"You better get going and make sure to call me." She said as Ryan walked out the door.

Before Ryan got in the car he popped the truck and pulled out a blanket and pillow that he had put in there. When he got in the car he handed it to Austin.

"What's this for?" Austin questioned.

"In case you want to sleep I want to you to be as comfortable as possible." Ryan said as he stared the car.

"Thank you." Austin said as he leaned over and kissed Ryan on the cheek. 

It wasn't long after they left that Ryan had noticed Austin had fallen back to sleep. As Ryan was driving he started to think about how this funeral was going to go. He was nervous that Austin might have another breakdown, but he was going to make sure that he was by his side the entire time. 

As the miles pasted, the sun slowly started to break on the horizon. They had just crossed into Virginia when Ryan notice Austin start to stir. He kept a close eye on him and noticed that whatever dream Austin was having didn't seem like a good one. He hated to wake Austin up knowing that he needed his rest but he didn't want him to suffer through a bad dream. So he reached over and gently shook Austin until he woke up.

"Hey, are you okay?" Ryan asked.

"Uh, yeah." Austin said in a groggy voice. "I'm kind of hungry."

"It's almost time for you take your meds again. I'll pull off at the next rest stop. I think there's one about ten minutes away." Ryan replied.

When they arrived at the rest stop they both made a dash towards the bathroom but Austin stopped abruptly when he got to the entrance. Ryan noticing this asked if everything was okay.

"I didn't think about how I was going to use the bathroom when you helped me put my pants on."

"I'll help you with that." Ryan offered.

Austin got a look of terror on his face. "Aren't you afraid that someone is going to see both of us going into a stall?"

"It's none of their business and if someone says something I'll take care of them." Ryan said as he made his way into the bath room with Austin in tow. 

They walked down to the handicapped stall and Ryan held the door open for Austin. Ryan caught someone give him a nasty stare and he shot one right back at him. When Ryan entered the stall he walked up to Austin and unbuttoned his pants and pulled the zipper down. Austin pants fell to the floor and made a thud that echoed throughout the massive restroom. Austin face turned a beat red.

"People are going to think we are in here fooling around." Austin whispered.

"Let them think whatever they want. Granted if it was under different circumstances it would be hot." Ryan winked. 

"You're such a pig." Austin grinned.

"Oh really? I'm not the one with a semi." Ryan said as he looked at Austin's semi cock.




Now or Never: Escape to Freedom Ch. 04



Austin face just blushed even more red. "Sorry I can't help it."

"Don't be sorry but if you get fully hard you're going to have on hell of a time tying to pee. We can fool around later." Ryan said as he kissed Austin. 

Ryan finished helping Austin and then he took care of himself. When they left the stall Ryan notice the same man giving them a nasty stare again. 

"Is there something I can help you with?" Ryan said as they walked toward the sinks.

"Take that nasty fag shit someplace else." The man said.

"For your information I was helping him use the bathroom." Ryan replied in a stern tone.

"This is not a hook up spot!" The man yelled.

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are talking to like that but I'm not the one!" Ryan spat back.

Just then he felt Austin grab his arm and he calmed down. "Come on Austin, let go." 

As they walked past the man, he stuck his foot out tripping Austin. Austin fell to the floor landing on his bad arm and he cried out in pain. Ryan snapped and punched the man in his jaw. Then the man jumped at Ryan causing them both to land on the floor. They rolled around on the floor until Ryan was on top of him and landed a punch to the guys face. The man screamed and yelled obscenities. The noise had drawn the other people's attention and they came running over. Before anyone could make a move, a husky truck driver came out from one of the stalls and separated the two. 

"Get out!" The trucker yelled at the other man.

The man tried to make a move towards Ryan but the trucker stepped in his path. "You want to get your ass beat by me as well? I said get the fuck out of here before I call the cops and have you arrested for a hate crime!"

The other man huffed, turned around and walked out of the bathroom.

When the trucker turned back he saw Ryan helping Austin back up.

"Is your boyfriend okay?" The trucker asked.

"I think so." Ryan replied. "Thank you."

"No problem. If there's one thing I hate is when people want to cause shit with other people for no reason. I'll walk with you guys to your car incase that asshole is out there waiting for you."

"Thank you but I have to get him something to eat. He needs to take his pain meds before we head back out."

"No problem. You guys stay safe out there on the road." The trucker replied as he headed for the door.

"Thank you and you as well." Ryan called out.

"Is your arm okay?" Ryan asked as they walked out of the bathroom.

"The pain isn't too bad." Austin said as he stopped Ryan and hugged him. "Thank you for defending me like that."

"I will always defend and protect you." Ryan replied as he hugged Austin back.

After they got breakfast Austin took a full pill and they headed back to the car. As they pulled back onto I-95 north, Austin could really feel the medicine kick in. He had been only taking a half of a pill so the whole pill really hit him hard. His head started to swim as a overwhelming warm feeling covered his body. 

"This pills make me feel funny." Austin slurred.

"They have you on a high dose from what I saw." 

"Ryan, I want you to fuck me." Austin said as he crabbed Ryan's cock.

"Austin, you're not healed enough for that." Ryan said as he moved Austin's hand off of him.

"I don't care. I want you to fuck the shit out of me. I really want to feel your big cock inside of me. You haven't fucked me since I came back and I know you want too." Austin said as he put his hand back on Ryan's cock.

Ryan's cock was starting to swell. Austin was right I had been a very long time since he had fucked him but Ryan was still hesitant about doing it with Austin's injuries. "Austin I'm not sure. Besides there is no place to go."

"There are these little emergency pull off you can pull into one of those then take me in the back and fuck me."

"You don't think someone would see?" Ryan question.

"The back windows have limo tint on them. There is no way anyone is going to see in them. Please." Austin begged.

"Okay, fuck it." Ryan said as he spotted one of the pull offs. 

He pulled off as far as he could and parked under a tree. They went into the back seat and Austin laid on his back and pulled Ryan on top of him. They started to make out passionately. Ryan could feel Austin's rock hard cock pressing into his stomach. Austin groaned when Ryan reached down and grabbed his cock. 

"Can I suck you?" Ryan asked.

Austin nodded in agreement. Ryan pulled Austin's pants down freeing his solid member. He smiled as he looked at it. Austin's back arch in pleasure as Ryan took all of him with one swift downward motion. While Ryan was sucking on Austin, he freed his own solid member and started to stroke himself.

"Don't cum. I want to make sure you do that in my ass." Austin said between moans. 

Ryan was already leaking precum and didn't know how much longer he was going to be able to hold out. It had been so long since he had been able to do this that it was driving him crazy.

"Can you suck me before I fuck you? I want it nice and wet." Ryan grinned.

"Anything you wish." Austin replied as he pushed Ryan onto his back. 

Austin wasted no time and began sucking on Ryan's cock. Austin was able to take all of Ryan's cock in his mouth without any issue. Ryan let out a loud moan as his cock hit the back of Austin's throat. The feeling was amazing and it was drawing Ryan closer and closer to climax. He knew that if he didn't stop Austin soon then he was going to shoot his load down Austin's throat. 

"Austin, you have to stop. You're way to good at this and you're going to make me cum." Ryan said as he pulled Austin's head up. 

"Then you need to fuck me now." Austin said as he pulled off his pants and positioned himself on top of Ryan.

He spit into his right hand and lubed himself up. As Ryan's cock started pressing into him, he felt a jolt of pain. Most likely he wasn't completely healed but at this point and time he didn't care, and he slowly slid down, Ryan letting out a hiss of pleasure.

"God, you're so tight! I've missed that nice ass of yours." Ryan said as he slowly pushed up.

"It's all yours sir." Austin said as he finally slid all the way down.

He slowly started rocking back and forth with Ryan meeting his movements. It wasn't long before they had gotten into a good rhythm. Ryan grabbed Austin's hips to help steady him. He was trying to take his time with Austin knowing that he probably wasn't fully healed. Austin must have noticed because he told him not too.

"Don't hold back. I want you to fuck the shit out of me." Austin demanded.

"Are you sure you want that?" 

"Yes. Go wild on me. I'm yours to do whatever you want too."

Ryan didn't argue with him. He started pushing harder and harder and soon every time he pushed up he went balls deep. 

"Harder. I want you to fuck me harder." Austin begged.

Ryan thought that he if pushed any harder his cock would burst through Austin's stomach but he did what Austin asked for. 

Austin leaned down and started making out with Ryan. He was moaning with every thrust of Ryan's cock and he started leaking generous amounts of precum. Soon their stomachs were slick with it and Austin's cock was sliding between them. Austin could feel the climax quickly approaching. 

"Oh fuck Ryan. Your cock feels so good in me." Austin moaned. 

"Your ass is so tight around my cock. I don't think I can hold out much longer."

"Then cum in me and shoot your load deep inside me and reclaim what is yours." Austin demanded as he sat all the way down on Ryan's cock.

Ryan let out a loud moan as he unloaded a huge load deep inside Austin. The feeling of Ryan unloading inside of him sent shock waves throughout his body and he shot his load all over Ryan's chest and shirt. Spent from the orgasm Austin collapsed onto Ryan's chest. Both breathing heavy as they slowly started to come down. Finally Ryan lifted Austin's head up and kissed him.

"That was amazing." Ryan said as he looked deep into Austin's eyes.

"You forgive me?" Austin asked.

Ryan looked at him with a puzzled face. "For what?"

"Hurting you like I did. I know you hated me and you have every right too."

"I'm just glad that you came back and nothing else matters to me." Ryan said as he pulled Austin into a big hug. 

"I don't know if I can forgive myself."

"I already have and you will too when you realize that I'm not mad at you anymore. I have you back and I couldn't be happier." Ryan said as tears filled his eyes. "I love you Austin and I always will as long as I have breath in my lungs."

"I love you too Ryan." Austin smiled. 

They decided that it was time to get cleaned up and head back out since they still had over four hours of driving. Soon after Ryan started driving Austin feel into a deep sleep. He slept all the way until they got towards the Walt Whitman Bridge. At this time Ryan had to wake Austin up since he didn't remember the rest of the way to his Aunt Cindy's house. They pulled up to the house right around two-thirty. When they stepped out of the car his cousin Josh came out and met them.

"How was the ride up?" He asked as he helped get the suitcases out of the truck. 

"It wasn't bad." Ryan replied.

Austin let out a little chuckle. "You're not going to tell him about the rest stop incident?" 

"What rest room incident?" Josh turned and looked at Ryan with an inquisitive look. 

"Oh yeah, that. There was this asshole that tried giving us shit because I was helping Austin use the bathroom." Ryan replied. 

"What did you do?" Josh asked as a grin came across his face.

"He knocked the shit out of the guy." Austin answered for him.

"That's only because he decided to trip you." Ryan interjected. "If he hadn't of done that then nothing would have happened."

"That's my cousin for you. Don't mess with anything or anyone that he cares about or there will be hell to pay." Josh replied as he padded Ryan on the back. "Come on I'll help you take your things up to your room."

"How is Justin doing?" Ryan questioned.

"He's doing okay. He has his good days and bad ones but thankfully the bad ones are becoming far less." Josh said as they entered the house. 

"That's good. I'm glad to hear that. I'm sure it will be a relief for the two of you when his treatments are finished." Ryan commented as they started walking up the stairs.

"It will be. It's extremely hard to try and juggle school and making sure that I get Justin to and from his treatments."

"That's good that you are still able to go to school. I know you had told me that you were going to push it off for a year." Ryan replied as they walked into a spare bedroom. 

"I was going to but Justin refused to let me do that and there is no trying to argue with him. He can be very stubborn." Josh laughed.

Ryan just shot him a look that told him he knew exactly what he meant. 

"You guys get settled in and whenever you want you can come down stairs." Josh offered as he walked towards the door. 

"Okay, sounds good to us." Ryan thanked him as he shut the door.

While Ryan was putting their clothes into the dresser he noticed Austin sitting on the bed with a distressed look on his face. He walked over to him and sat next to him.

"What's wrong hun?" Ryan asked as he put an arm around him.

"I just realized that the last time I was here was at the reunion."

"Are you worried that my aunt Cindy and uncle Bill are mad at you for what happened?"

"Yeah I am." Austin said as he hung his head.

"Trust me they are not. They were very worried about you. It was actually my Aunt Cindy that helped me understand why you had left. She's told me on numerous occasions that if she ever saw you that she was going to kidnap you." Ryan said with a smile. "Austin everyone in my family loves you. They all wanted you to be safe but they also knew what you had gone through and understood why you left."

"I still want to apologize to them." Austin offered.

"That's fine." Ryan smiled. "Come on lets go down stairs."

That night for dinner Cindy had made her famous pork chops. Austin wasn't really fond of pork chops but hers he enjoyed. She told him that her secret to them being so juicy is that she put a light coating of mayonnaise on them and it helps seal the juices in. 

"I want to apologize to everyone for the way I left that night of the reunion." Austin offered.

Cindy got up and put her arms around Austin. "You have nothing to be sorry about. We are just all happy that you are safe again. I hate to tell you but you are a part of this family and you can't get rid of us that easily." 

"Do you mind if I have a cup of coffee and have a smoke on the deck?" Austin asked.

"That is not a problem. I'll go make you a cup." Cindy said with a smile.

As Austin was outside having his smoke and after dinner coffee Ryan helped clean up the dishes.

"So I take it that the reason Austin's arm is in the sling is from Eric." Cindy commented as she started to wash dishes.

"You got it. But it's a lot more than just his arm in the sling. Do you know that the sick bastard would let guys come over and rape Austin? You really have to be a sick person to allow that to happen." Ryan said as he brought the rest of the dishes to Cindy.

"What?! Wow I was not expecting that." Cindy said in shock.

"There's a small part of me that felt bad for Eric that he didn't get the help he needed. As much as I hated the bastard I would never wish death on anyone."

"He probably realized the magnitude of what he did and he didn't know how to handle it. From what it seems he wasn't very good at handling stressful things like that."

"No I don't think he was." Ryan paused as he took a deep breath. "I'm scared."

"Of what?" she said as she handed him a dish to dry.

"Tomorrow. I'm so scared that it's going to be too much for Austin and he is going to freak out." Ryan said as his eyes filled with tears. 

Cindy stopped washing the dishes and pulled Ryan into a big hug. "Tomorrow is going to be a very rough day for him, for both of you. He is going to face something that he probably never thought he would. The good thing is you're going to be there with him and we will be here when you guys come back. He has an entire support group just waiting for him and for you." She said as she let him go.

"I just hope that I can be strong enough for him." Ryan sighed.

"Just be as strong as you can be for him. What you are doing takes a lot and everyone is going to see that." Cindy smiled. 

"Thank you Aunt Cindy for everything. You don't know what this means to me, to us." 

"That's what family is for." Cindy smiled. "What time do you guys have to be at the funeral tomorrow?"

"It starts at ten but Beth asked if we could come by a little before that." Ryan replied.

"Are your clothes ready?" Cindy questioned as she went back to the dishes.

"We just have kakis and polo shirts. Neither one of us have suits to wear."

"Hold on one second." She turned around and called for Josh. "Josh, do you think Justin's and your suit would fit Ryan and Austin?"

"Hmm. I'm pretty sure Justin's will fit Austin. They look about the same size, but I'm not sure about Ryan." 

"To big?" Ryan questioned.

"No, to small. You're a little soft around the waist." Josh roared.

"Bite me Yankee." Ryan laughed back.

"I'm just kidding. I think it should fit. Do you have a shirt to wear with it because your arms are defiantly more muscular than mine."

"Nice save Yankee." Ryan chuckled. "I didn't bring any dress shirts just some polo shirts."

"I have an idea. You and Austin meet me in my room in about fifteen minutes." Josh said as he walked out of the kitchen.

"What is he up too?" Ryan asked Cindy.

Cindy shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine."

"I better go get Austin and see what Josh has up his sleeve." Ryan said as he made his way to the back deck. 

When they got to Josh's room Justin was there waiting for them. 

"So Josh tells me that you guys need some dress clothes for tomorrow?" 

"I thought we were wearing kakis and polo shirts." Austin asked as he sat on the bed.

"I think this calls for suits and ties. I'll start with Austin since you are close to my size." Justin got up and walked over to the closet and started rummaging through different colored shirts and matching ties. 

"Austin can you stand up for me?" Justin asked as he walked over with a few different selections. 

He started holding up different color of shirts in front of Austin to see which one looked the best. He settled on a dark maroon shirt with a lighter shade of red for the tie. "There I think that looks good."

"Now Ryan it's your turn. Come here and stand up for me." Justin asked. 

He went back to closet and rummaged around some more before he returned with a new selection. He did the same thing until he settled on a dark burnt orange shirt with a black tie. "Okay I think that will look good on you. Do you guys need dress shoes as well?"

"If you have them." Ryan replied. 

"Sure do." Justin said as he turned back towards the closet. 

"Here you guys go. There's clean socks in each shoe for you." Justin said as he handed them the dress shoes.

"Ryan, what are you going to do about your hair?" Josh asked.

"What's wrong with it?" 

"Well, nothing really. Just that it's always covered up by your hat. You're going to have major hat hair." Josh offered.

"See me in the morning. I'll be able to fix it up for you." Justin offered.

"Thank you guys so much. You didn't have to do all this for us." Austin said as he set the clothes down and gave them both a hug.

"It's no problem." Josh smiled. 

"Well, Austin we better get to bed." Ryan said as he checked the clock noticing it was past ten.

They both said their goodnight and headed down the hall to their room. Austin took his meds for the night and settled down into bed. For once Ryan was the one who had a hard time sleeping that night. He felt that he was more nervous about tomorrow than Austin was. He tossed and turned for a few hours before he finally feel asleep. 

There was a light knocking on the door that drew him from his sleep. When he rolled over and looked at the clock it was a little after six. He stumbled out of bed and walked over to the door. When he opened it Justin was standing on the other side.

"I'm sorry to come this early but I have treatment today and I wanted to get your guys hair done before I had to leave."

"Oh shit Justin, I didn't know you had treatment today. You don't have to help with our hair if you don't feel up to it." Ryan offered as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. 

"I feel fine now. It's later that I'm going to feel crappy. If you want bring the clothes that way once you get dressed I can fix anything that might have gotten messed up." 

"Okay, I'll go grab them and I'll meet you in your room." Ryan said as he turned to get the clothes.

Once Ryan got to Justin and Josh's room, Justin started working on his hair. It wasn't as difficult as he thought it might be. After about fifteen minutes Justin was satisfied with the outcome. After Justin finished Ryan went into the bathroom and got dressed. When he came out he looked like a completely different person. 

"Well damn, who knew you could polish up so nicely." Josh jested. 

"I know right. These pants make me ass look big though." Ryan replied.

"Like I told you last night you're a little soft around the waist." Justin gave Josh a playful slap on the shoulder. "What? He knows I'm only joking with him."

"It's okay Justin. Austin likes my big ass." Ryan grinned. 

"Hey hey! No hanky panky while you are wearing my suit. I don't want to get it back with love juices all over it." Josh laughed. 

"Oh please, like it doesn't have some on it already." Ryan roared.

"Well, if you find a crusty spot then you know what that's from." Josh roared back.




Now or Never: Escape to Freedom Ch. 04



"I can defiantly tell you guys are cut from the same family." Justin smiled. 

"And just think, you are now a part of it too." Ryan laughed.

"And I wouldn't have it any other way." Justin smiled at Josh. 

"Okay, let me go get Austin so he can get ready. Do you two think you can keep it in your pant until you're done with Austin?" Ryan grinned.

"Yeah yeah." Josh Replied as he waved his hand at Ryan.

Ryan returned shortly with Austin close behind him. Justin got right to work fixing Austin's hair. His was a little more difficult since his hair wasn't as short as Ryan's but he still was able to work his magic. Once he finished, Ryan took Austin in the bathroom and helped him get changed into his dress clothes.

"You look amazing." Austin said as he got a good look at Ryan.

"Thank you. You look amazing yourself."

"Your ass looks so good in those pants." Austin smiled.

"Oh yeah? You like it?" Ryan grinned.

"Yeah I do. I have to stop or I'm going to have a big problem." Austin whispered. 

"Well, I'll have to make sure I take care of that for you later." Ryan smiled as he finished tying Austin's tie.

When they emerged from the bathroom Justin and Josh both commented on how good the two of them looked. Ryan got a look at the clock and noticed that it was already past eight thirty and knew that they had to leave soon. They made their way downstairs and into the kitchen were Cindy was making some breakfast. 

"Do you boys want anything to eat before you leave?" She asked as she turned towards them. "Wow, you boys look absolutely wonderful."

"Thank you." They both answered.

"So some breakfast?" She questioned.

"I'm not really hungry. Maybe just some coffee." Austin offered.

"Maybe some coffee and oatmeal." Cindy replied. "It's cold outside and you need to eat."

"Austin, don't argue with her, you will not win. You think my mom is bad Austin, Cindy is just as bad." Ryan suggested. "Besides you know you have to eat when you take your pain meds."

"He's a smart boy." Cindy laughed.

"Okay, but just a little." Cindy's definition of little was more than Austin's but he still ate everything in his bowl. 

After they finished up their breakfast they got ready and headed out the door. As they got closer to the funeral home Ryan could feel Austin's entire mood was changing and it caused butterflies in his stomach. When they pulled into the driveway of the funeral home Austin's eyes immediately filled with tears. They sat in silence. Ryan didn't know what to do. He wanted to say something but he didn't know what to say. Finally Austin broke the silence.

"This is really it. This is the real thing. Ever since Beth called and told me that Eric had committed suicide I felt like it was a dream or a hoax to get me back. But now that we are sitting here and I see the hearse I know that this is real." Austin said as he choked back his tears.

Ryan reached over and put his arm around Austin. "You want to have a smoke before we go in?"

"Yes."

"Light one for me as well."

Austin lit two cigarette and passed one to Ryan. They both sat in silence as they smoked. Austin wished that the cigarette would last forever knowing that once it was gone they had to go inside. They finally finished smoking and started to walk up to the door of the Victorian style funeral home. Austin's heart quickened with every step they took towards the doors. Ryan must have sensed it because the next thing Austin felt was Ryan's hand wrap around his and his heart slowed down a little. As they entered the doors they were met by Beth.

"Thank you guys so much for coming. You don't know how much this means to me." Beth said as she hugged the both of them. "And you must be Ryan. I'm so glad to meet you sorry it had to be under these circumstances. Thank you so much for bring Austin here. I know this has to be difficult bringing your boyfriend to his abusive ex's funeral."

"I love Austin and would do anything for him." Austin replied trying not to sound stand offish.

A smile came across her face. "You don't know how happy that makes me. I'm glad that Austin found someone who loves him and will take care of him the way that he deserves."

"I will do my best." Ryan smiled at him.

Austin took a deep breath. "Can I see him?"

"Of course. He's in here." Beth pointed to the grand room.

As Austin made his way towards the casket he looked at all the pictures of Eric. There were even some of the two of them. The one that made him stop in his tracks was one of them on their graduation day. They both were wearing their graduation gowns and had the biggest smiles on their faces.

"I remember that day like it was yesterday. You two were so happy." Beth smiled. 

A single tear escaped his eye as he thought back to that day. He remembered thinking that the two of them would spend the rest of their lives together. 

When Austin made his way up to the coffin and he saw Eric laying there his heart broke and the tears fell from his eyes. Eric didn't look like the monster that Austin had come to know but of the guy that he once was. The once caring and loving Eric is what Austin saw lying there. His heart ached for Eric, that he wasn't strong enough to get help with his anger, with the possible guilt that he might have felt for the way that he had treated Austin. Austin always loved Eric and only wanted him to be happy. This is not the outcome that he had ever wished for. If he knew that the last time he saw him it would have been the last time maybe he would have tried to suggest that Eric get help. As these thoughts progressed the tears flowed steadier. Ryan came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Austin. When Austin turned around he saw the tears were flowing from Ryan's eyes as well. He grabbed Ryan and pulled him into a tight hug and started to sob.

"I didn't want this. I never wish for things to end like this." Austin sobbed.

"I know you didn't love, I know." Ryan said trying to comfort Austin. 

"I wish that I could have told him that he should get help, that he wasn't a horrible person that he just needed help." Austin sobbed harder.

Beth walked over and put her arms around the both of them. "Austin, I don't think there was anything any of us could have done. Sadly Eric was more disturbed than anyone could have guessed. I guess the realization of what he put you through was more than he could handle." Beth cried. "Do not blame yourself for this. You had nothing to do with what Eric did. His actions are his own and his own only. So please don't blame yourself."

"I'm trying not to but it's just so hard not to feel some type of guilt about it." Austin said as he tried to calm down.

"We all are feeling a little bit of guilt, but we can't blame ourselves."

"What is he doing here." A woman's voice came from across the room.

"Mom, don't start. Austin has every right to be here." Beth replied.

Ryan shot Austin a knowing look of who the woman was.

"Hello Mrs. Mason." Austin offered as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Do not hello me. You have no business being here. Haven't you caused this family enough upset." She demanded. "If Eric had only dumped you years ago he wouldn't be lying in that casket right now!"

"I didn't have anything to do with this." Austin tried to squeak out.

"Horse shit! You are the very reason that he is in there. You became a needy little bitch and had him waiting on you hand and foot. You don't think I saw right through that little charade you had been playing. You came from a trashy family and saw that Eric came from a wealthy family and you wanted that for yourself!"

"My family wasn't trash!" Austin cried.

By this time Ryan's mood had changed from being sad to piss off. He could clearly see where Eric had gotten his nasty attitude from. He was trying to keep his cool only for the fact that they were at a funeral but he wasn't going to take much more of Mrs. Mason talking to Austin like that.

"Oh yes they where! Your dad was a worthless man and a horrible father. Your mother was nothing but a lowlife slut!" She spat at him.

Finally Ryan had enough and snapped. "That is enough! I've kept my cool for the simple fact that we are at your son's funeral and I'm tryin' to be respectful but I can clearly see that is something you do not know how to do!"

"Do not talk to me! You are trash just like him!" She yelled at Ryan.

"Let me tell you somethin'. I understand that losin' your son is very hard on you. I can't even begin to imagine the feelings you are going through, but you have to understand the feelings that Austin is going through as well."

"I do not care about what feelings that freeloader has!" Mrs. Mason spat.

"Enough! Shut up Sarah! Your evil disposition has worn everyone thin! Austin has every right to be here and mourn. You damn well know that Eric treated him like shit and for him to even think about coming here says a lot about him. Let everyone mourn in peace and keep your mouth shut." Mr. Mason spoke up.

Mr. Mason turned to Austin. "Austin, I am truly sorry for the way that my son treated you over the years. You did nothing to deserve that. Please accept my deepest apology and I want to thank you for coming here to pay your respects." Then he turned to Ryan, "And I want to thank you as well for being strong enough to bring Austin."

As the Mason's walked out of the room everyone else just stood in silence. 

"This is why I wanted you guys to come early. I had a feeling my mother was going to have a fit." Beth said as she shook her head. 

"It's okay. I was expecting it to happen." Austin replied. 

"Austin, this might be out of place but I didn't know if you wanted to do me a favor. If you say no I completely understand." Beth asked as she looked at Eric.

"What is it?"

"You remember that song you used to sing that Eric loved?"

"The Rose."

"Yes, would you mind singing today?" Beth asked nervously.

"I didn't know you sing." Ryan said as he looked at Austin.

"You should hear him. He won the talent show at the school for singing that song." Beth said with a smile.

"I haven't sung in a long time but I will sing it today." Austin offered. 

"Thank you so much. This means the world to me." Beth said as she gave him a hug. "People will be starting to arrive soon. Did you want to stand up here with us?"

"Oh no. This is about your family. I'll just sit in the back unnoticed."

"You'll sit in the family row at least. Just in case I need to look to you for support. As long as Ryan says it's okay. I don't want to over step any boundaries." 

"I think it would be nice." Ryan smiled. 

Austin and Ryan took their seats in the family row and soon the pianist started to play and people started filling in to pay their respects to the family. Some people who recognized Austin even came over and gave him a hug and a few kind words. Then there were some people who looked at Austin with a puzzled look on their faces and he just knew that they were questioning why he was there. Those people made Austin start to feel nervous. Ryan could see Austin was fidgeting and he had a feeling that Austin might need a break. Ryan signaled to Beth that they were going to step outside and she nodded. 

"I had a feeling that you needed a smoke break." Ryan said as they walked out of the doors.

"I needed a smoke after Eric's mom snapped at me." Austin said as he reached in the car and grabbed the pack of smokes. "Do you think I should have told Beth no to me singing that song?"

"Not at all. I think it is a wonderful tribute to how things used to be with you and Eric." Ryan said as he kissed Austin's forehead. 

"You really are a wonderful guy and I don't deserve everything that you do for me." Austin said as he took a drag. 

"I love you and would do anything for you." Ryan smiled.

"I love you too."

After Austin finished his smoke they made their way back inside and took their seats. It seemed like hours as the people just kept filing in. Slowly but surely the line got shorter and shorter and Austin knew it was getting close to the time for the funeral to begin. 

Once the last person gave their respects to the family the pastor got up and started the services. Austin was a little off put by the pastor. He obviously didn't know much about Eric due to his generic speech. After the pastor had finished saying what he had to say he opened it up for anyone to come up and share memories that they had of Eric. A few people got up and spoke about how they knew Eric growing up and how much of a sweet boy he was. After the last person sat back down the pastor asked if anyone else had anything else they'd like to share. To everyone's surprise Austin stood up and made his way to the podium. There were a few gasped from the crowd. 

Austin took a deep calming breath. "I know that some of you are surprised to see me here today but I wanted to pay my respects to Eric. Our relationship wasn't perfect and towards the end it was quite bad, but at one time it was good and those are the reason as to why I'm here. Eric was there for me after I lost my parents to a fatal car crash that left me with a lot of issues, both physical and mental. He always made sure that he took me to my physical therapy even if that meant that he had to miss out on important events. Events that only come around once in a life time. Eric had given up so much to make sure that I recovered and dealt with the passing of my parents. He would stay up late at night with me when I would wake up from one of my many nightmares. He stayed patient as my memory started to get stronger and I wouldn't forget thing as easily. He took a job that he didn't want but he knew that the benefits would help with the medical expenses. It really took a toll on him and for everything that he did I am eternally grateful." Austin then turned and faced the casket. "Eric, I will always love and care about you. It breaks my heart to know that you thought that this was the only way out. I wish that you had been able to talk to someone about what you were feeling. All I wanted for you was to have a happy life. I hope and pray that you have been able to finally find peace. I will always love and care about you. I will never forget all of the good things that you had done for me." Austin wiped the tears from his eyes and turned back to the crowd, there wasn't a dry eye there. Even Mrs. Mason had tears in her eyes.

"I was asked to sing a song that Eric had always loved to hear me sing. It's been a very long time since I've song this so please excuse any mistakes." Austin said as he walked over to the pianist.

After he told the pianist what song he was going to sing the pianist started to play the opening cords to The Rose. Austin took a deep breath and started to sing the song that had been their song. It had been years since Austin had sung the song but he remembered every single word and never missed a beat. The words flowed with such power and passion that everyone there had tears flowing from their eyes. When Austin got to the final verse he let it all out.

"When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long. And you think that love is only, for the lucky and the strong. Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows. Lies the seed, that with the suns love, in the spring becomes the rose..." 

Austin never understood how much meaning that song really had until he just sung it. With tears in his eyes, he turned once more to Eric and mouthed, "I love you and thank you." 

As Austin made his way back to his seat, Mrs. Mason stood up and for the first time she gave Austin a big hug.

"Thank you for that. Please forgive me." She said with a tear stained face.

"Of course." Austin said as he hugged her back. 

When Austin returned to his seat Ryan leaned over and whispered in his ear. "You truly are an amazing person Austin."

The funeral services came to an end with the pastor inviting those who wanted to join the family for interment at the gravesite. As everyone exited the funeral Austin and Ryan made their way to the car. Austin lit up smoke and let out a deep sigh. A knock on the window both startled them. It was the funeral director.

"The family has requested that you gentlemen follow behind the limo on the way to the gravesite." The Funeral Director said. 

The ride to the gravesite was a quiet one. Neither Ryan nor Austin spoke. Ryan figure Austin needed time to himself and he gave it to him. 

When they arrived people started to fill in around the casket. Beth walked over and pulled Ryan and Austin over and had them stand right behind the families seats. The funeral staff each handed everyone a single red rose. Austin thought that it was quite fitting of a flower. It depicted their relationship perfectly. This time the pastor's speech was more touching and personal. After he finished everyone lined up and placed their rose on the lid of the casket. 

"Do you mind if I keep mine?" Austin said as he turned to Ryan.

Ryan smiled that big smile he was known for. "I think that would be nice."

After everyone had placed their rose on the casket the funeral director invited everyone back to the Mason's house. As Austin and Ryan walked back towards the car, Austin turned around and saw Mrs. Mason standing by the casket. He told Ryan that he would be right back and walked over to her. He stood beside her as she looked upon the closed casket.

"This is it. This is the final good bye. Once I walk away he really will be gone. I feel like this is a nightmare that I am going to wake up from, but I know deep down that this is reality."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Mason. I really am." Austin offered trying to console her.

"Oh no Austin, I am the one who is sorry. I knew Eric had issues but I decided to ignore them and by me ignoring them I caused you pain and suffering. I know Eric hurt you and I know he hurt you in ways that are too horrible for me to say. I hope that someday you can forgive me." She said as she turned to him.

"Mrs. Mason, I already have." Austin said as he broke down and cried.

The two of them held onto each other and cried. Ryan and Beth both watched from a distance.

"That is something I never thought I'd see my mother do." Beth said as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"What's that?" Ryan asked. 

"Turn into a human being." 

When the family arrived back at the house there was a buzz of people moving round. There was tons of homemade food that the guest had brought. The graduation picture had been brought over from the funeral home and had been displayed for everyone to see. Ryan asked Austin if he wanted anything to eat but he politely declined. Ryan knew that Austin had to take his meds soon and that he needed to eat but he understood that Austin stomach was probably upset. 

"How are you holding up?" Ryan asked as he sat down next to Austin.

"It feels weird to be back in his parent's house. I haven't been in this living room since I was a teenager."

"Do you want to leave?" 

"Soon. I'm getting tired. It has been a very emotional day."

"That it has." Ryan said as he put an arm around Austin.

"Hey Austin." A familiar voice came from behind him.

When he saw who it was I little smile came across his face. "Hi Dominic."

"Ryan this is Dominic. He was the one who came over the night when Eric had to work a double and took care of me." Austin smiled. "I never did thank you for that."

"No need Austin. Ryan, it's nice to meet you." Dominic said as he held out his hand.

Ryan stood up and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you too. Thank you for taking care of Austin like you did."

"I honestly didn't know how bad it really was until I went over that night. Once I saw what was going on I called his sister Beth and informed her of what was going on." Dominic said as he took a seat.




Now or Never: Escape to Freedom Ch. 04



"So you where the one who called her?" Austin questioned with a shocked look on his face.

"Yes I was. And if I had to I'd do it again I would. You made me promise not to say anything to Eric but you never made me promise not to say anything to anyone else. Like I said, once I saw how Eric was treating you and how he allowed other guys to come over and use you I just couldn't let that go. I knew that if I had said something to Eric he wouldn't have listen and it might have made things worse for you, so I knew the only person that could possibly have made a difference was Beth. I knew that he would never try and go up against her and I knew that she wouldn't leave until things changed."

"I can't thank you enough then. If it wasn't for you then I might still be tied in that basement." Austin said has he hugged Dominic.

"I'm just glad that you are okay and that you were smart enough to go back to Ryan." Dominic smiled. "I had often wondered what happened to you once Eric let you go."

"Thankfully Ryan took me back after what I put him and his family though." Austin replied.

"I can see that Ryan is a good guy. He's a keeper." Dominic smiled.

"That's what everyone keeps telling me." Austin said as he smiled at Ryan. 

"Well, I'm going to head out. It was good seeing you again and it was nice meeting you Ryan. You guys have a safe trip back home." Dominic said as he stood up.

As the crowd of people started to dwindle, Austin figured it would be a good time to say his good bye and get ready to head back to Cindy's house. Mr. and Mrs. Mason thank both of them for coming and she gave Austin one final hug. Austin spotted Beth across the room and made his way over to her.

"Hey Beth, we are getting ready to head out." Austin said as he put a hand on her shoulder.

"Okay Hunny. Thank you again for coming. I'll walk you guys out to your car." She politely excused herself and walked with Ryan and Austin to the car.

"I wanted to give this to you in private." She handed him a manila envelope.

"What is this?" Austin questioned as he took the envelope from Beth. 

When he opened it and read what was inside, his jaw fell open.

"Eric left you full beneficiary of his estate." Beth smiled. "The house, the cars, and the insurance money."

"But I don't understand. We had broken up." Austin said in a low shaky voice.

"Deep down inside he knew that he had messed up big time with you and I figure this was his way of trying to make amends. There's also a sealed envelope in there as well. I don't know what's in it but it has your name on it."

Austin dug down and pulled it out. He opened it and started to read it to himself.

Dear Austin,

Please don't blame yourself for what I have done even though I know deep down part of you is. You are a wonderful person and deserve to be treated with love and passion, not beaten and tortured like I had done to you. I hope that some place in your heart you will find the strength to forgive me for everything horrible that I have ever done to you. The guilt I have is more than I ever could have imagined. I turned a sweet and loving person into someone who is beaten and broken. I know in time you will be able to return to the person you once where. And I know as long as you have Ryan by your side he will be able to help you overcome anything that might come in your way. He is a good guy Austin. Do NOT let him go. Good guys like him only come around once in a lifetime and you need to snatch that up and never ever let go. I want you to know that I have been thinking about all the happy times that we used to have and I hope someday that when you think of me you can think of them, not the horrible times. I'm leaving everything to you, the house, my car, everything is going to you. After everything I have put you through it is the least I can do to try and make it up to you. I'm going to go now. I'm starting to feel every sleepy. I love you Austin James Montgomery. I always have, I just forgot along the way.

Love always,

Eric Branson Mason 

Austin's eyes filled with tears as he finished reading the letter. For a moment he couldn't talk as he was overcome with emotion. Finally after a few deep breaths he handed the letter to Ryan who proceeded to read it. 

"Wow." Was all Ryan could get out fearing that he would break down and cry himself.

"Do you want to read it?" Austin asked as he held it out for Beth.

"No darling, I'm good. He left me a letter as well, and if yours is anything like mine it was very emotional." She said with a smile. "You guys better get going. I'm sure you two are very tired."

Austin hugged her. "Thank you for everything." 

"You're welcome. You take good care of yourself." She said as she hugged him back.

But Austin could tell it was a different kind of hug. "Why do I have the feeling this is the last time I will ever see you."

"Because it is. You have a new life now and you don't need a constant reminder of your past." She said with tears in her eyes.

"But you are like a sister to me."

"Austin, you have Ryan now and you need to be able to focus on the life you two are going to have." Beth smiled.

Austin looked like he was about to cry when Ryan spoke up. "Honestly, I think it would be nice if you two kept in contact."

"You don't think that could cause problems for you guys?" Beth questioned.

"Not at all. In all honesty I think it would be good for the two of you. Besides I would love to have you come down and visit us." Ryan smiled.

"Are you sure? I really don't want to cause any problems." 

"Trust me you won't." Ryan offered with his classic southern smile.

"Beth, you don't want to argue with him. Trust me you won't win and if you think he is bad just wait until you meet his mom." Austin smiled at Ryan.

"Are you saying that I'm stubborn?" Ryan asked with a grin.

"No, just very persistent." Austin smiled back at him.

"Well, if that's the case then I'd love to come down and visit you guys sometime." Beth said as she hugged them. "Okay, I'll let you guys get going. Here is my cell number you can call me anytime. Maybe before you guys head back south we can get together."

"I think that would be a wonderful idea." Ryan replied as he stored her number in his phone.

Ryan and Austin both gave her one more hug before they got in the car and headed on their way. Just as they were about to pass the cemetery, Austin asked if Ryan could pull in there. Ryan had a feeling that Austin wanted to have a private moment, so when he pulled up he stayed in the car while Austin walked over to the freshly cover grave. Ryan sat in the car a watched to make sure that Austin was going to be okay.

Austin stood at the side of the grave looking at all the flowers that had been laid on top of it. He wanted to say something but didn't know exactly what to say. Then he felt a hand rest on his shoulder causing him to jump.

"Sorry Austin I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?" Ryan asked.

"I want to say something but I don't know what to say or how to say it."

"I think the best thing to say is whatever is on your mind." 

"Stay here with me, please." Austin asked as he turned and looked at Ryan.

"Of course I will." Ryan said as he stood next to Austin and held his hand.

Austin took a calming breath and began. "Eric, I don't really know what to say. I have so many emotions right now. I'm infuriated at the fact that you took your life over the way you had treated me. Yes you did wrong but fuck Eric it wasn't worth this! You selfish son of a bitch! Now everyone has to deal with this while you rot in the fucking ground! Instead of being a man and facing life you took the coward's way out. You've left everyone broken hearted, even me. I never once hated you, even when you would beat the shit out of me. I loved you with all my heart and soul and would have done anything for you. I guess in a way this is partly my fault. I know you said not to blame myself but maybe if I had fought a little harder you might not have treated me the way you did. Maybe if I had said something sooner or maybe if I hadn't of made excuses for why you treated me the way you did, it wouldn't have come to this." Austin started to tear up. "I loved you Eric. You had saved me once and I wish that I could have saved you. You were not a horrible person. You just needed help with some things. If you are looking down right now I want you to know that I do not hate you. I just hate what you did. I pray that you have found peace in the afterlife. I'm going to go now. I'm exhaust from today. It's been a very emotional day. Just remember that I will always love and care about you. Good-bye Eric and rest in peace."

They stood there for a few silent moments before Austin spoke up. "I'm ready to go and get out of these clothes."

"Me too. It has been one emotional day." Ryan said as he put his arm around Austin and headed towards the car. 

It was around eight when they pulled in the driveway and the night air had grown considerably colder. Ryan shivered a little as he stepped out of the car. His southern blood was not used to the cold of the north. As they walked inside the house was relatively quiet, except for Cindy who was sitting in her lounge chair watching Twilight. When she saw them walk in she paused her movie, walked over to them, and gave them both a big hug. She held Austin just a little longer knowing that he was worn out, she could see the look on his face.

"Why don't you guys go and change while I make some coffee." Cindy offered. 

After they had gotten changed they made their way back to the kitchen where there was a fresh pot of coffee and some leftover pork chops, mashed potatoes and green beans.

"I know you guys have had a horrible day, and I'm sure there was tons of food but I have a feeling neither one of you were in the mood to eat. Besides I know Austin needs to eat with his pills." Cindy offered as she poured three cups of coffee.

She was right, there was tons of food at the funeral but neither one of them really ate anything. surprisingly Austin was more hungry than he thought. He ate one of the larger pork chops with huge helpings of mashed potatoes and green beans. After they ate, Austin and Ryan join Cindy in the living room. 

Austin sat on the couch next to Ryan and looked up at the ceiling. His heart was heavy with emotion as he thought back on the day's events. There was a small part of him that felt relieved knowing that he was finally and completely free. He was no longer going to have to worry that someday Eric was going to show up and try and force him to come back, or worry that he was going to be abused. A warm calming feeling started to flow throughout his body. He didn't know if it was the pills kicking in or that realization, but either way he was starting to enjoy it. Austin was so deep in thought that he didn't even hear Cindy talking to him. It wasn't until Ryan gave him a nudge did he come back to earth.

"I'm sorry, what?" Austin said as he looked at Ryan.

"Hun, aunt Cindy asked you a question." Ryan replied.

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking."

"It's okay Hun. I know today has been a busy day for you and I'm sure you have a lot on your mind."

"If you only knew. I have so much to think about and things to take care of. I honestly don't even know where to even begin." Austin replied as he sat up.

"What kind of things?" Cindy asked as she took a sip from her coffee mug.

"Well, the house. Eric left it, and everything else, to me. I don't even know what to do with it."

"He left you everything?" Cindy questioned with a puzzled look on her face.

"Yup, everything single thing. He wrote me a letter and in it he said that was his way to try and make up for what he had done to me. The house is paid for so it's not like I have to keep up with a mortgage."

"Are you thinking of living there?" Cindy asked taking notice of the look on Ryan's face.

"Never. I could never live in that house. There are too many horrible memories in that house. Besides, I really like the south." He said as he smiled at Ryan. "I could always sell it or rent it out. I have some time so it's no real rush."

"That is actually a really smart idea to rent it out. It could be a nice income." Cindy offered.

"I'm not going to have to worry about money for awhile. The amount from Eric's life insurance is quite a bit. The last I knew he had a million dollar policy, but I don't know if he had ever changed that."

"That would really help you out if he didn't change the amount." Cindy said.

"Yeah it would. I have a few ideas on what I'd use the money for." Austin smiled.

"When are you guys planning on heading back to Levy?" Cindy questioned.

"I honestly don't know. I want to figure out what I'm doing with the house before we leave. I might just close it up for now then at a later date do something with it. I'm just so drained right now I can't really decided."

"If you want my opinion, just close it up for now. You know that we live nearby and can check in on it from time to time." Cindy offered.

"That would be a big help." Austin smiled.

"It's getting late and you guys had a stressful day. Go get some much needed rest and in the morning I'll have a nice breakfast waiting for you."

Neither Austin or Ryan argued with that. By the time they had reached the bedroom, Austin's pills had kicked in and he was extremely groggy. Ryan took great care in helping Austin get ready for bed as his arm was still in the sling. As Ryan was getting into bed he noticed that Austin had tears in his eyes.

"Austin what's wrong?"

Austin sniffled. "I can't thank you enough for everything that you have done for me. Today was hard for me but I know it had to kill you to go to Eric's funeral. You took me back after I left you, you've helped me out, dealt with all of my stupid problems. I'm so sorry. I don't deserve a great guy like you."

"Stop right there. From this point on I don't want you to apologize for what happened in the past. I'm not mad at you, I don't even hold it against you. All I know is that I'm happy you are back in my life and I'll do everything in my power to make sure you are happy and safe. I'd give my last breath to make sure you are safe." Ryan said as he kissed Austin. "You are my world and I know that all I want is to have you by my side till the very end."

"I'm just scared that you are going to get tired of my short comings and want a normal boyfriend."

Ryan giggled a little. "Austin, I hate to tell you but no one is normal. We all have our short comings, my mom is always trying to help people out, my dad is a perfectionist, and I am overly protective of the things I love."

"Those sound more like good traits than short comings." Austin replied.

"Until you dig a little deeper and see that they have their faults. The point I'm trying to make is that no one is perfect we all have faults. I'm not going to stop loving you or breakup with you because of your short comings. That's a promise I will keep."

"I can only promise that I will try my best." 

"Austin, that is all I ask for." Ryan said as he pulled Austin closer to him.

That night Austin had a dream, but it wasn't like any dream he had ever had before. He dreamt that he was standing in the middle of a field of wildflowers as far as the eye could see. A warm spring breeze was making the flowers dance and he was memorized by them. Then he heard an all to familiar voice come from behind him. 

"Hello Austin."

Austin slowly turned around to see Eric standing there, but he looked different somehow. He looked gentle, caring, and had a soft glowing light around him. Austin started to get nervous but Eric reached out his hand and gently touched Austin. His touch was cool and calming.

"Don't be scared Austin. I'm not here to hurt you." Eric smiled. It was the caring and loving smile that Austin had once loved.

"What is going on?" Austin questioned.

"Don't you recognize this place?"

"No I really don't."

"This was the field that was behind your parents house. Don't you remember each spring the field would bloom with wildflowers that the farmer had planted as a cover crop in the fall. It was your most favorite place to go. You would come out here for hours and hang out just staring out into the field or up at the clouds, it was also the place that I asked you to be my boyfriend." Eric spoke softly.

"Oh my god, it is the field. But why can I only see the field? I don't see the house or anything else?"

"Because the field was your happy place, everyone has one special happy place."

"Why am I here?" Austin questioned.

"I wanted to bring you here one last time, together. To the place that we fell in love, the place that we first made love in. I want you to think of this place whenever you think of me. I know I don't deserve this but I don't want you to only think bad things when you think of me."

"Why did you kill yourself?" When Austin asked that the world started to change. The wind grew cold and harsh, the sky grew gray and the flowers started to wilt. 

"Because, I could never forgive myself for what I did to you. When I was packing up your car the last time, I ran across a box filled with old pictures and letters we had wrote to each other back in high school. It was up in the attic stuck behind some old Christmas decorations. I guess while moving in it got shoved back there and forgotten about. I started going through it and reread all of the letters and they brought back the old feelings I had for you, but it was too late. I had already caused you so much damage, some of it permanent." 

As Eric talked the sky continued to grow darker and the wind was picking up. There was a low rumble of thunder on the horizon. The ground was now completely barren, it was dried up and scattered with cracks. "I knew that you would always live your life in fear of me. I had already put you through enough and I didn't want you to endure anymore. If I had stayed around it could have severely altered the future. This was my destiny, and yours is with Ryan."

Then Austin remembered about Ryan and a warming sensation started to flow over him. The sky began to clear and the wildflowers began to sprout back out of the ground. Soon the world had turn back to normal.

"Ryan was brought into your life for a reason and that was to show you that there are still good and caring guys out there. He's going to awaken feelings in you that you had long forgotten about." Eric smiled and the sun seemed to brighten.

"How do you know that?"

"Things are different on this side. I can see things that humans can't see."

"The future?"

"Glimpses of the future. I can't see everything but I can see major events in the future."

"Then you might know how my life is going to turn out?" Austin asked.

"I can see that you're life is going to better than you could ever have dreamed, but I will not tell you anymore."

"Why not? It would be nice to know how things will turn out."

"It doesn't work that way. If you were to know how things are going to turn out then you'd be waiting for them and possibly change the course of time. If you had known that you and your parents would have gotten into that fateful accident then you would have tried to stay home. If that would have happened then it would have completely altered the course of time, and not always for the best. Your future could have been a lot worse."

"I guess, I can understand that. It is reassuring to know that at least my future is going to be better. What happens to you now?" Austin asked with a saddened look on his face.

"Me? Don't worry about me Austin. I've been given this second chance to make amends and now I can finally rest in peace. I'm happy knowing that I have been given the opportunity to watch over you." The world slowly started to take on a shade of grey.




Now or Never: Escape to Freedom Ch. 04



"So you're like my guarding angel now?"

"One of them. You have two others watching over you." Eric smiled. 

"Who are the other two?"

"You know who they are. They've been watching over you for the past four years. They were the ones who guided you that stormy night you left the highway when the alternator on your car was dying."

"Mom and Dad." Austin said with tears in his eyes. "Are they here now?" 

"No. They wanted this time to be just you and me."

"Why haven't they visited me before?"

"The time wasn't right. When that time comes they will visit. I will tell you this, they are very proud of you."

"Will I ever see you again?" Austin asked as Eric started to fade away.

"Whenever you come to our field of blooms I will be here. I will always be with you and watching over you. Whenever you feel a warm breeze dance across your face or see the breeze dancing in the plants of a field, know that is me, watching over you." Eric said as he finally faded away.

Austin was left alone standing in the field. He watched as the flowers danced in the wind and felt the warm breeze swirl around him. He closed his eyes, laid back in the flowers and could feel the sun beating down on him. Off in the distance he could hear someone calling his name, it was Ryan. Each time Ryan would call his name he sounded closer and closer. Finally Austin opened his eyes, he was back in bed surrounded by the heated blanket.

"Austin, Austin wake up. Look outside!" Ryan said excitedly.

Austin slowly got out of bed and made his way over to the balcony doors to see a fresh blanket of snow covering the world. He looked over at Ryan who had a smile on his face like the ones children do on Christmas morning. Austin knew that Ryan had never seen snow like this before so he suggested that they get bundled up and go outside. Ryan was completely dressed and ready before Austin had even changed out of his pajama's. Ryan came over and helped Austin change into his winter clothes. As they walked towards the front door Cindy called out to them.

"I'll have breakfast ready by the time you come in, and Austin make sure you are careful with your wrist."

"I'll make sure he is okay, Aunt Cindy." Ryan called out as he shut the front door.

Ryan made sure he helped Austin down the front steps making sure he wouldn't slip and hurt himself. "You where right, it's so neat to see everything covered in a coating of snow and then think back to what it was like in the summer." He smiled. 

"You want to build a snow man?" Austin asked.

"I'd love too."

While Ryan starting building the base of the snow man Austin went around and found some sticks for the arms, then he went inside and asked Cindy if he could have a carrot for the nose. She handed him a carrot and told him to check in the laundry room and look through the old scarves and hats for the snow man. When Austin returned outside, Ryan had the snow man almost finished. It wasn't a bad snow man for his first one. He was just placing the head on top when Austin walked over with what he found in the house. He finished off the snow man with the sticks, a hat and a scarf. Once the snow man was finished they went back inside and had breakfast.

"So how did you like your first real snow fall?" Josh asked Ryan as he sat at the table.

"I really like it. There is more snow out there now then I've seen my entire life." Ryan replied as he scooped a large helping of scrambled eggs onto his plate. "Where is Justin?"

"I'm going to bring him something to eat soon. He had treatment yesterday and isn't feeling good." Josh said as he took a bite of bacon.

"That has to be so hard on him." Ryan offered.

"It is. Justin is has been through so much and has been putting up a fight for so long I'm worried that he is just going to give up. He is so worried that I am going to leave him or hold it against him that he has cancer."

"I can understand how he feels." Austin offered. 

"I don't know what I can say to help him understand that I'm not going to leave him."

"There isn't anything you can say. The only thing you can do is be there for him and show him how much you love him." Ryan said as he placed his hand on Austin's. "And you know I'm only a phone call away if you ever need to talk or vent."

"Thank you. I'm sure I'll be taking you up on that offer." Josh replied as he took his plate to the sink. "I'm going to take Justin something to eat. I'll be back down a little later."

After breakfast Ryan and Austin got back into their winter clothes and went for a nice winter walk. Austin having grown up in the north was used to the cold, but Ryan wasn't handling it to well. At one point Austin looked over and saw that Ryan's teeth were chattering. 

"Why don't we head back? I can see that you're cold." Austin offered.

"I am a little but it so beautiful and peaceful out here. I really am enjoying this time out here with you." Ryan said as he put his arm around Austin and pulled him closer to you.

"I really am enjoying it too." Austin smiled. "But You don't want to get sick out here. You know your mom and Aunt Cindy will have a fit if you do."

"I guess you're right." Ryan said reluctantly.

"Do you think we could go by Eric's place?" Austin asked.

Ryan was shocked at hearing Austin say that name. "Yeah. What do you want to go there for?"

"I want to get it ready to be closed up. I still don't know what to do with it."

"You don't have to make that decision right away. Like Aunt Cindy said you can take your time."

Once they got back to the house, Ryan went and got the keys to the car and let his Aunt Cindy know where they were headed. As they past the cemetery where Eric had just been buried, Austin said a silent prayer. The closer they got to the old house, the more nervous Austin started getting. He wondered if it was a good idea coming to the house so soon after everything that had happened. When Ryan pulled in the driveway he instructed Austin to wait for him to help him up the walkway since it hadn't been shoveled. Austin dug in his pocket for the key and opened the front door. A small chill went up his back when he stepped inside remembering what happened to him the last time he entered this house. Ryan stood behind Austin watching him as Austin looked around the house. He could see that Austin was starting to get upset.

"Do you want to leave?" Ryan asked as he help Austin's hand.

Austin took a deep calming breath. "No, I'll be fine. I know you are right by my side."

"What would you like to start with?"

"I guess we could get some sheets and start covering up the furniture."

"Where are they at?"

"In the upstairs hall closet. I'll show you." Austin said as he started to head up the stairs.

As they made their way to the hall closet, they passed Eric's old room and Austin came to a sudden halt causing Ryan to bump into him. The door had been left open and Austin could see that the bed was still a mess from when the EMT's had come in to try and save Eric. Then he noticed something sitting on the nightstand. He walked over and sat at the edge of the bed, Ryan sat next to him.

"I thought this was lost in the move." Austin said as he picked up a silver photo frame containing a old boardwalk photo from one of those old style photo booths. 

"When was that taken?" Ryan asked as he looked at the photo.

"It was the summer of our junior year. We had spent the summer in Ocean City since it was the last summer of our high school lives." Austin said looking at the photo with tears forming at the base of his eyes. 

"It's sad that things changed the way they did."

Austin rubbed the sides of the silver frame with his thumbs. "It is, but everything happens for a reason, that's what my mom always told me. That chapter of my life is over and a new one had just begun."

Ryan smiled. "Do you think we could find a old photo booth like that?"

"I know of a few." Austin smiled back. "It's weird, I no longer feel sorry for Eric."

"Why is that?"

"I had a dream last night and he told me that he was sorry for everything that he had put me through. He wanted me to know that my life is going to be better than I ever could have dreamed for. He didn't say exactly what was going to happen. He told me the he was given a second chance on the other side and that he and my parents are watching over me."

"Like guardian angels?"

"Yeah, like guardian angels. He told me something that I had long wondered, my parents are very proud of me and that they still love me." A single tear slid down the side of Austin's cheek. 

"I knew they would be. You are a awesome person, Austin. Who wouldn't be proud to have you as their son."

"Thank you Ryan. I can't tell you how much it means to me that you would do all of this for me. I know it was very hard for you to come with me but I couldn't have made it through without you. I love you." Austin said as he kissed Ryan.

"I would do anything for you. I love you too."

Soon they were busy working around the house. Ryan had taken some extra sheets and covered the furniture while Austin was in the kitchen cleaning out the fridge. As Austin was putting the last of the old food in the trash bag, there came a knock at the door. He wondered who would be knocking since no one really knew he was there. When he opened the door he saw Mrs. Steinbach standing there.

"Mrs. Steinbach, how are you doing?" Austin said as he stepped aside to let her in.

"I'm doing just fine Austin." She smiled. "I'm sorry to hear of Eric's passing."

"Thank you." He smiled back at her. 

Just then Ryan came down the stairs to see who had been knocking at the door.

"Well who is this handsome young man." Mrs. Steinbach asked.

"Hello ma'am. I'm Ryan Davenport." Ryan said in that wonderful southern accent.

"This is Ryan, my boyfriend. Ryan this is Mrs. Steinbach. She is the lady who helped me escape." Austin offered.

"I want to thank you for helping Austin escape. If it wasn't for you then I would never have met him."

"I'm just glad that Austin was able to get away and find someone who is going to take good care of him."

"I'm going to do my very best." Ryan replied.

"Are you boys hungry? I'm sure you worked up an appetite." She asked.

"I could go for something to eat." Ryan said as he looked at Austin.

"Good. Then come over in about ten minutes and we will have lunch." Mrs. Steinbach said as she headed for the door.

Ten minutes later, Austin and Ryan joined Mrs. Steinbach at her house for lunch. The boys sat there and ate while they listened to Mrs. Steinbach tell stories about how someone long ago helped her leave her old country and move to America. Before they knew it an hour had gone by. They could have stayed all afternoon listening to her stories but they knew they had work to finish. She told Austin that she would look after the place until he decided on what he was going to do with it. They both thanked her and headed back to the house. 

By the time the sun had dipped behind the trees, Ryan had just turned the water off and Austin had shut off the heater. Austin took one last look around to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything. As he stood outside he took one last look at the house that had been his home, his safe haven and his dungeon, but it was no longer those things. It was now just a house, four walls covered in a blanket of snow. 

"Are you ready to go?" Ryan asked as he opened the car door for Austin.

"Yes, I'm ready to go home." Austin smiled.

Austin knew that this chapter of his life had finally come to a end, but that a new one was just beginning...

*****

Thank you for reading Chapter 4 of Now or Never: The Final Good-Bye. I hope that you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.