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Now Starring Ch. 01

By: BabyJamesBoy



I had been working on the series for a year when they announced that the lead was leaving. I had worked with him in harmony for a bit. But once he found out I was gay he kept me at arm's length and if I blew a line or a cue he'd mutter something about fags blowing everything/everyone else so why not? I campaigned, heavily for to replace him in his role, and have someone take over my lesser one, but they turned me down. 

When they announced after a few months that they have found a replacement, I fought the rising feeling of resentment at the studio's decision. I felt I should have gotten the lead role; after all I knew the lines and could do just as good a job. When I heard they had found someone, I didn't really know what to expect, I guess I thought they'd have as close to a clone as possible for a replacement. I just hoped he wasn't as much of an asshole.

I went to the first read through and he new guy was not there yet. As the rest of the crew took their seats I went to get some tea from the dispenser, I wasn't really looking where I was going, and rounded the corner and essentially ran over somebody. I am a pretty big guy, around 6 feet tall and I used to play rugby at University, so when we collided I knocked him to ground, hard. As I towered over the prone figure on the floor I hoped I hadn't killed him, because he just lay there, not moving at all. After what seemed like forever he took a deep breath and got to his feet. Much to my surprise he gathered himself up with a big grin on his face.

"Well that was fun," he laughed, "are you OK?"

The first thing that I noticed was he was slightly taller than me, then I gazed into his dark-chocolate brown eyes and felt a bolt of electricity hit me. My trousers felt way too tight as I stood to attention, and I shifted my hands to the fig leaf position, as inconspicuously as I could.

I can't imagine the look on my face, but it must have been comical because his grin widened, he leaned in closer to me and very slowly repeated himself, "are...you...OK?"

"Um... yeah..." I stammered.

He patted my shoulder, still beaming a smile at me, "Sorry I have to go it's been a pleasure." And with that he turned to walk away.

Normally I don't go for the skinny type but as he strode down the hall I had to admire his long legs and tight little ass in his faded jeans. I took a deep cleansing breath, willing my erection to go down. I got my tea and headed back into the reading. The director, Phil, was standing with his back to me talking to someone. When he saw me he turned to introduce me to the new guy, and to my horror it was the man I run down in the hall.

"John, there you are! This is David, David this is John."

David's high megawatt grin made reappearance as he put out his hand, "We've met, just recently in fact. Nice to know your name, big fella."

As my hand touched his I wanted to pull him to me and kiss him, but I resisted and tried to avoid those dark eyes that seemed to peer right into my soul.

David was very professional, but a bit of a clown, during the read through. He cracked people up as he tried out different accents on the lines, instead of his regular mesmerizing, soft Scottish burr. When he launched into an exaggerated Southern American twang, he had people literally holding their sides trying to breathe through the laughter.

We were there for a few hours when Phil called enough and plans were made for rehearsal the next day.

I hovered around waiting to get David by himself. I told myself it was to apologise for running him over earlier, but really I just wanted to get a closer look at him.

I watched him talking to the female lead, Mollie; she seemed as smitten as I was with him. She kept touching him on the arm or playing with his hair and managed to brush her sizable breasts against him as she pretended to pick a piece of lint off of his shirt.

He's not THAT cute, I tried to convince myself. He's got freckles for god's sake, and he's a ginger. OK, dark ginger but still ginger. He caught my eye and flashed an embarrassed grin my way as Mollie grabbed him close in a hug, her hands wandering down to his ass, squeezing hard, copping a feel.

I had to admit, yes he WAS that cute.

After what seemed like ages, for both of us I'm sure, he extracted himself from her embrace and he walked over to me. "Would you like to get a drink?" he sighed, and ran his hands through his hair, his long fingers pulling at the strands, making some of them stand straight up, "I sure could use one."

"I'd like that."

Outside the studio we hailed a cab; "I don't know the area well," David said as we got into the back of it, "know a good place around here?"

I directed the driver to a local hang out and stole a look at David's face; he didn't seem to react to the name of the establishment even though it had quite a wild reputation in some circles.

We sat at the bar and he ordered a beer and so I followed suit. He didn't say anything just concentrated on the drink until it was gone. Then he ordered another and sat back looking at me.

"Sorry, that was just a little unnerving," he admitted, a slight grimace on his face, "I mean, I read the articles on how you felt about me coming on board, so you probably really hate me. There's stepping into a role that was already established by someone else, which is always a risk. And Mollie, phew, I think she's cute, don't get me wrong, but I think in most countries that would be considered sexual assault." He made a squeezing gesture with both hands to illustrate his point. Then he picked up his glass and took a long pull on the beer.

"I can't blame her; if I had half a chance I would have grabbed a handful too," I blurted out before my brain screamed at me to shut the hell up.

David made a little choking sound as he tried not to spit the mouthful of beer out, he set the glass of beer down and put his head down on the bar for a minute, his shoulders shaking. I heard him finally swallow and he straightened up.

I don't know what I expected but a loud hardy laugh and those dark eyes lit up with amusement wasn't it, "I am really flattered, but you're not my type."

"What is your type?" I countered, still trying to recover.

"Female" he replied. Then he looked around the bar, taking in the décor and the distinct lack of women, "is this a gay bar?"

"Yes."

"Aww, our first date and I didn't get you a corsage, how thoughtless of me!" He drained his drink, unfolded his lanky frame from the stool, threw some money on the bar for the drinks and slipped his leather jacket on, "Thanks for this. I really needed it! I look forward to working with you, John."

The bartender and I watched David leave and we both made a low appreciative whistle. We were in our own little worlds when my mobile rang, pulling me back to reality. It was my boyfriend, Vartan. I found my cheeks getting hot in embarrassment as if he had witnessed me ogling another man, we chit chatted about mundane things for a bit but my mind was definitely elsewhere.

"Don't let your mister see you with that other bit of tasty, or he'll gut you like a fish," the bartender winked at me, as the call ended, "but it would be worth it, eh?"

The next day was a blocking rehearsal, and there was a scene where David's character and mine get into a fight. I had sat up late the night before reading the script and relishing in having an excuse to be in physical contact with him. I was so eager to begin I got to the studio early. To my surprise David was already there, script in hand reading the lines to himself and walking through the paces. When he saw me come in he quickly removed and pocketed a pair of glasses and waved at me.

"Caught me," he laughed, "I just want to do this right."

I walked over to him, "do you normally wear contacts?" I asked taking the opportunity to gaze into his eyes.

"Yes, but I fell asleep with them in last night and woke up looking like the living dead," he admitted, taking his glasses out and settling them back on his nose, "I hope they aren't too nerdy."

"No you look fine." 

"Thanks," he winked at me; "hey do you want to go over our scenes before the crew gets here?" 

"Which part?" I asked, praying it would be the fight scene, the idea of pinning him under me, feeling his taut body pressed beneath mine made my heart race.

"Pick one." 

So I did...guess which one?

He closed his eyes for a second and then was in character. He had obviously decided on the accent he wanted, a middle country dialect, and then we began. He never looked at the script; instead he did his lines as I read mine, somewhat distractedly.

Finally we got to the part where my character lifts his up and throws him to the ground; I picked him up and gently set him down on the floor, being careful not to use too much force. He held up his hands, "wait!" then got to his feet.

He picked up the script, flipped some pages, frowning, "it says you throw me, not tuck me into bed."

"I know but there's no mat down and I could hurt you," I protested.

"I'm not made of glass," he got in my face, "Stop being a pansy and just do it!"

His words hit me like a punch in the gut; before I knew it I had him by the shoulders and flipped him over my back, slamming him into the ground. Then I threw myself on top of him, pinning his arms down with my knees. I had my fist balled and was ready to knock his teeth in, when I saw that he was laughing.

"Now that was better," he grinned, beaming up at me.

"You're insane," I countered, "certifiable." 

"Why, thank you," he tried to sit up, but I still held him down. His smile faded and a look of panic started to creep into his eyes. 

I have to admit I found him powerless beneath me a turn on, "do you want me to let you up?" I whispered my face inches from his.

"I'd like that," he said in his native accent, voice a bit uncertain.

"I will, for a price." 

"What's that?"

"A kiss."

"OK, fun time is over, John; you're starting to hurt me." He again tried to sit up.

"Then kiss me," I bent lower, my lips a mere breath from his.

He closed his eyes and raised his lips to mine. I expected a quick peck, nothing more. Instead he lingered a bit longer than I was prepared for, taking my upper lip between his and running the tip of his tongue into my mouth. 

As the blood rushed away from my head, I rocked back on my knees, freeing his arms. He sat up, grabbed me around the waist, kicked my legs from underneath me and flipped me over on my back, knocking me off of him. Then he scrambled to his feet, breathing hard and stood over me, eyes blazing. I could feel him fighting for control of himself, every muscle in his lean body tight with anger. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back for a moment. Then he looked down at me again, "I'm sorry for the crack about your sexuality. That was totally uncalled for, and it won't happen again." He reached out a hand to help me up off the floor, "are we OK?"

"Yes, we're OK."

He handed me the script, barely looking at me, and said, "Let's go over the lines again."

We got through a few pages before people started wandering in. David greeted everyone as they entered like they were long lost friends, his bright smile making them smile in return. It was only when he turned to me that the smile faded a bit.

At lunch I sat down across from him, "I'm really sorry."

"Does this stew contain anything at all recognisable?" he asked as he poked at the food on his tray.

"I think that's supposed to be chicken. Either way, as I said, I'm sorry" 

"For what?"

"For earlier."

"For making me kiss you?" he asked.

"That too."

He jabbed his fork in the bowl with a stabbing motion, then put a piece of chicken into his mouth chewing thoughtfully, "You didn't make me kiss you, John. I wanted to."

"Come again?" 

He looked at me for the first time since I sat down, a slow grin forming, "I think you heard me the first time."

My jaw must have made an impressive noise as it hit the floor and bounced back up, "I thought you were straight!" I tried keeping my voice down.

"I thought I was too," he turned his smile up to full blast, "now eat your food, you're going to need your strength working with me." With that he picked up his tray and sauntered off to the trash bins.

"Now there's an understatement," I muttered to myself.

After week's worth of rehearsals we were declared ready to film. I hadn't really seen much of David past the first couple of day's rehearsals because our characters didn't have too many scenes together, and most of that time he dressed in very casual gear, jeans, hoodies, and t-shirts, etc. So when he came out of wardrobe, dressed in an expertly tailored suit, almost the same colour as his eyes and his hair nicely styled, I was knocked back on my heels. If at all possible he was even more attractive.

Mollie came up next to me and ran her hand over my chin, "Control yourself, John, you're drooling."

"And you're not?" I countered not shifting my eyes from him.

"I'm better at hiding it," she laughed, looking down at me, "you'd better put your script in front of you, you're showing."

I looked down. Unfortunately she was right. I took her advice as David saw us and bounded over. He was just out of earshot when Mollie whispered in my ear, "let's make this interesting. The first one who beds him wins."

"Wins what?" I replied.

"Him, hopefully," she laughed and patted my back, "good luck big boy."

"You look great" Mollie said to David, "very handsome."

"Do you really think so?" he asked, glancing at himself in the mirror. He put his hands in the suit coat pockets, turned one way then another, and then looked back at us, "I don't know. After all you can polish a turd all you want, but all it's really going to be is just a shiny turd."

"Now you're just being modest," Mollie purred running her fingers under the collar of his suit jacket, "you are definitely more than that. Much, much more." With that she waved her fingers and me, blew David a kiss and strutted off.

"Is it me or does she always seem in heat?" David asked watching her leave.

"It's both. It is because of you, and yes she is."

"How do you figure?" 

"You can't tell me you honestly have no clue that you are completely hot?" I laughed.

"You say the sweetest things," he chuckled, "and for the record, no, I really don't think of myself as hot. I think of myself as a gawky teenager with spots and wild red hair."

"You really need to update that image, David. You are not that boy now." I gave him a long look over, and then leaned in to whisper in his ear, "in fact just say the word and I'll show you how hot I think you are."

He jumped back as if the heat of my desire burned him, "not just now, but thanks for the offer," he blinked a few times rapidly, "I should really go...over there...somewhere." And he quickly walked away.

"That was smooth," I chastised myself, "just scare him off...great idea!"

When it came time to film the fight scene I was totally in character, the argument leading up to the scene we had rehearsed earlier felt real, coupled with the frustration of David's ability to turn me on and off seemingly at will, came to a head. I lifted him high over my head and slammed his body down so hard on the mat that he went totally limp and was out cold. It took the crew longer to realise, than it did me, that I had actually hurt him. 

The on-set medic ran over to him and began checking him out. I stood on the sidelines watching it all, with a growing sense of horror at my actions. 

Phil walked over, "John, that was a great take but go easy on him OK? If you break him you'll have to buy us a new one."

"That's not funny," I protested, watching David coming around finally, and the medic trying to get him to remain still, "I didn't mean to do that."

David was helped in a sitting position and given a glass of water. As the medic tested his eyesight and cognition, I caught him looking at me, measuring me up, trying to decide if I had done it on purpose. After convincing everyone he was fine, we finished shooting the scene. Since he had no lines in the next scene David retired to his trailer. 

After a decent length I left the set to see how he was doing. I peeked in the window and saw him stretched out on the day bed, staring into space. I knocked on the door, "Yes?"

"It's John, may I come in?"

He came to the door, and looked right into my eyes, I could tell he was in some pain by how stiffly he moved, "What was that all about?"

"Can I come in?"

He stepped back admitting me, but never lost contact with my eyes.

"I didn't mean to be so rough..." I started.

"Bullshit," he spat, "I don't believe that for one second. The truth would be nice here."

I took a deep breath, and broke contact with his probing eyes, "the truth?"

"Yes, please."

"The truth is you're driving me crazy. From the first moment I saw you, I wanted you, and you keep sending me mixed signals. First you tell me you're straight, and then you kiss me like you want me, too." I stepped in very close and took his face in my hands, "then when I try to follow through on that you run away like a scared rabbit. So the truth is, yes in that moment, I wanted to hurt you, make you feel a bit of what I feel when I look at you."

"I see."

I let go of him and sat on the daybed, "that's all you have to say?"

"I can't really think of anything else to say," he turned away from me and gazed out the window.

"Here is a suggestion, try one of these; 'sorry John, you're still not my type' or 'hey John, let's fuck' or 'if you want let's play chess instead?' anything but silence."

"You seem like a decent person, if sometimes a bit of a brute," David looked at me, "I've never found another man attractive before, and I'm not quite sure how to handle that. I have a girlfriend, we've been together five years and I love her very much."

"I have a boyfriend, so what's that got to do with it?"

"Don't you think that we owe it to them, and ourselves to think about this, decide if this is something we both really want?"

I stood up, took his hands in mine, pulling him close to me, "what are you afraid of? I promise to never hurt you again. I can be a very attentive, gentle lover." Then I drew him to me and kissed him, at first he kissed me back and then suddenly pulled away.

"Please, I'm serious, don't push me. I am need to think this through," he pleaded, "I don't even know you!"

"What do you want to know?" I sighed, frustrated as all hell.

"I want to meet your boyfriend. Let's go out, dinner, all four of us; my girlfriend, your boyfriend and you and I. How's Friday sound?" 

"You want to size up the competition?" I laughed.

"No, I want to get to know you better."

"Then?"

"I honestly don't know, sorry, that's all I have right now."

I started to leave, getting half way out the trailer door when I turned back, smiling, "how about a kiss to sustain me until then?"

His response was to shove me out the door, slamming it shut and making a rude gesture through the window, but at least he smiled back.

When Friday came, David and I left the studio to meet up with our dates. He talked about Sonja on the taxi ride in, how they met, etc. I saw a smile light up his whole face when he spoke of her and I had to admit I was jealous. I wondered if he would ever talk about me that way.

Vartan had obviously been at the restaurant's bar for a while, he spied David and I entering the door and sauntered over to me, planting a sloppy kiss on my lips. 

"So this is the fabled David?" he slurred, giving David the once over.

"Hello, yes, that's me. Nice to meet you," David extended his hand, but Vartan just continued to examine him like a piece of prime beef. After an awkward moment David put his hands in his pockets and turned to look around the restaurant for Sonja.


Now Starring Ch. 01



"How long have you been here?" I hissed at Vartan, "you are stinking drunk!"

Before Vartan could answer me, a slender woman with long dark hair came in and David rushed over to her, embracing her in his long arms. They kissed tenderly, like they hadn't seen each other in years, then he took her hand and lead her over to us, "Sonja, this is John, and his friend Vartan."

"Oh, I'm more than just a friend," Vartan leered, and gave me a pat on the ass.

"I'm pleased to meet you," Sonja smiled.

Once we were shown to a table the conversation stopped as the menus were studied. Vartan ordered a bottle of champagne for us, after the glasses were filled; he raised a glass in toast. "A celebration!" he declared.

We all looked at him in silence. After a heartbeat or two Sonja took the bait, "A celebration of what?" 

"Of me finally meeting the man my boyfriend wants to fuck," Vartan laughed, and downed the champagne in one gulp.

David froze, going totally still with shock; the glass of champagne clutched in his hand. He gripped it so hard I worried it would break.

Sonja looked at Vartan for half a minute, then at me. Then she looked at David, and back at me. Slowly a smile curled the edges of her lips, and she raised her glass too, "who wouldn't?" she laughed. 

Her laughter seemed to unlock David, he glanced at Sonja like he had never seen her before, and then drank the champagne quickly, grabbing the bottle with his free hand and pouring another glass in the same motion.

Vartan pouted for the rest of the meal, but we ignored him. Despite myself I was really beginning to like Sonja, she and David seemed really happy, and damn it, good together. 

When David excused himself for a moment, and Vartan went out for a smoke, I took the opportunity to talk to Sonja alone, "I'm really sorry about Vartan, he thinks being a bitch makes him more interesting."

"Is it true? You want to, let's say, sleep with David?" 

"I would, but now that I've seen the two of you together, I can't see me doing anything to interfere with your relationship," I admitted, "you seem to make him very happy."

"We don't have an exclusive arrangement. We both are working and don't see each other all the time, I'm free to date others and so is he," Sonja ran her finger over the lip of her water glass, "but in all the time he and I have been together, he's only gone out with other women. More to the point, your Vartan doesn't seem like the sharing type."

"He doesn't own me," I countered, "I have to ask you, and honestly answer, do you think I have a chance with David?"

"You are very handsome," she leaned forward, "I could see where it would be tempting. But you also have to realise you are swimming in un-chartered waters as far as his sexuality is concerned. You have my blessing, not that you need it. But be warned, you hurt him, or break his heart and I will see that you suffer."

That set me back a bit, "You really love him, don't you?"

"He's very easy to love," then she smirked, "and a very, very good lover."

That night I sat by the light of the television, deep in thought. I began to wonder if I was right in pursuing David, what was my motivation, my real motivation beyond a raging case of lust?

I was tap dancing around the real issue; despite myself I was in love with him. I know he liked me, but I had yet to see him dislike anyone. He had an almost friendly puppy dog personality, coupled with stunning good looks, vast intelligence and an easygoing nature, a perfect combination. But did he return my feelings? That was the real question. 

Around four in the morning Vartan came out of the bedroom, contrite and trying to get back in my good graces, without a word he unzipped my jeans, and took me into his mouth. I said nothing either, just closed my eyes picturing David kneeling in front of me, his lips on my cock, his hand cupping my ass. I came in record time; afterwards Vartan cuddled next to me on the sofa and went to sleep.



Now Starring Ch. 02



In the weeks that followed I saw little of David, his filming schedule and mine were not in sync. I wasn't quite comfortable with just ringing him up and asking him out, so when it came time to shoot some scenes on location with him I was revved up and ready to go. As we loaded onto the bus to go to the location I beat Mollie out in sitting next to him only by a hair, she glared my way and instead settled for sitting right in front us.

David looked exhausted; I wondered how hard the director had been working him. After a few minutes the sunlight coming through the bus window made him drowsy. At first he slept with his face against the side of the bus, then he turned putting his head on my shoulder and his hand resting on my thigh. I circled his shoulders with my arm pulling him a bit closer, enjoying the experience.

Mollie turned around, "isn't that precious?" she laughed.

"You're just jealous." I replied.

"Aren't I though?" she admitted, "but the minute he wakes up, it's on. We're going to be on location for a week. I wager he'll be in my bed before three days are up."

At the hotel Phil was fuming. We had booked the correct amount of rooms but the front desk insisted we hadn't, so we were short. He ranted and raved but the blank faced desk clerk just kept repeating that they were booked up. Finally he gave up and turned to us, "Looks like we're going to have to double up, any volunteers?"

Mollie stepped up, "I'll share with David." 

David, who until that declaration was still half asleep, snapped awake and looked at her in horror, I'm sure his mind racing with all the ways she could make this week hell for him. 

He was saved by Phil, "I'm sure your husband would love that," he looked at us and started pairing up the people of the same gender, and handing them keys. Luckily since David was nearby and we got paired up.

David took his key and bag and went up to the room. When the lobby cleared it was just Mollie and I left, "You lucked out, big boy," she hissed, "but that doesn't mean you win. I still have some tricks up my sleeve."

When I got to the room David was stretched out on one of the beds, his jacket still on, and his eyes fully open staring at the ceiling.

I took a seat on the other bed, "you OK?"

He turned on his side propping his head on his hand, to look at me, "I am just not sure about these sleeping arrangements."

"You don't have to worry I'm not going to creep into your bed and take you by force in the middle of the night, that's not my style," I assured him, "if or when you ever decide you want me to follow up on my offer, then and only then I will make love to you. Until then, it'll be hands off, I promise. You're not that irresistible, I think I can manage."

"It's not you that's the problem," he rolled over on his back again, and was silent for a while, "on the bus I wasn't asleep when I laid against you, I did that on purpose and when Phil started handing out room assignments I made sure I was next to you."

"Oh, David," I sighed, moving to sitting next to him on his bed.

"Now that we're here, alone, I am petrified. I don't know if I can do this."

"You don't have to do anything," I assured him.

He sat up and looked me in the eyes, "Do you and Mollie really have a bet as to who can sleep with me first?"

"Who told you?" I asked, suddenly ashamed of myself.

"Who do you think?" he countered.

"Mollie and since you were really awake on the bus, you heard us discussing it."

"You got it," he looked away, "I don't like being a prize, John. If you tell me all this seduction you've been laying on me is to win a bet..."

"It's not!" I protested, "I'm not the one who put that down, it was Mollie. I genuinely feel for you David."

"But what is it really you feel?" he asked, standing up. He opened the door of the hotel room, stepped into the hallway, and then turned back "when you're ready to start being honest with me, let me know."

After the day's shooting we all met at the hotel's bar, since we had rooms to stumble back to the group seemed to collectively make the decision to get as drunk as possible. Mollie managed to sit right next to David and the more cheap red wine she poured into herself the more buttons on her blouse got undone. As for David, he nursed one beer all night while the rest of us drank like rationing was going to start the next day.

By the time we closed the bar down, I was having a hard time with my balance and had to lean on David to remain upright. Once we got back to our room, he put me on the bed, took my shoes and shirt off and pulled the covers over me.

"Thanks mommy," I joked, finding myself massively humourous.

"I doubt your mommy would be thinking these thoughts," he laughed. 

"What thoughts are those?" I challenged.

"Nothing you could follow up on right now, go to sleep."

I closed my eyes but the room dipped and swayed, I opened them to see David watching me, "are you going to be sick?" he asked.

"Are you going to stare at me all night?" I groused.

"Maybe."

I closed my eyes again and I guess I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up some time later, the sun was poking holes in my brain. On the nightstand next to my bed was a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin, along with some pink stomach medicine. I made use of them all and then looked over at David's sleeping form. He was on his side, holding a pillow in his arms, mouth slightly open, and completely dead to the world. 

His eyes were his most striking feature but even with them closed he was very good looking. The freckles that dotted his nose and cheeks keep him from being classically handsome but I found them quite endearing. I sat on the edge of his bed and brushed a lock of hair out of his face, which instantly woke him up.

"It's alive," he announced, sitting up.

"Barely," I groaned.

"I'm not surprised, I have never seen any one do that many shots of tequila before."

"Tequila? I drank tequila?" 

"That and pretty much everything else you could get your hands on," he yawned, and glanced at the clock, "it's early yet. Good thing we have a later start, you look awful."

"You look wonderful."

"Yeah, I'm sure," he replied, running his hands through his hair, and stretching.

"You really do, you look good enough to eat." 

"I'm not on the menu."

"You should be, I bet you're delicious," I ran my hands over his chest and then slid them under his t-shirt, to touch his skin. His breath caught in his throat as I touched his nipples and pinched them gently in my fingers. When he made no move to stop me, I moved my hands lower, untied the string of his sweat pants, and cupped him. He grew hard as I stroked him, and I thought I was home free.

After a few minutes, he grabbed my hands, pulling them off of him, "I can't do this."

"You don't have to do anything. You just relax, I'll do it all." I swung my knees on either side of his, careful not to put my weight on him, put my hands on the small of his back and gently lifted his hips up as I slid his sweat pants to his ankles. Then I laid him down, putting an extra pillow behind his head so he could watch, and took him into my mouth. 

Due to his size I had a hard time getting all of him into my mouth, but I gave it my best shot. On an upstroke I stole a glance at him, his eyes were wide but unseeing, and he clasped the sheets on the bed so hard his knuckles were white. I put my hands over his, stroking his skin until he relaxed his grip, and looked down at me. I could see the emotions play on his face, he was obviously turned on but there was also fear in his eyes.

I stopped and sat back up for a moment, "it's OK, David. Just let me pleasure you, I promise you'll be fine."

He nodded slightly and closed his eyes, so I went back to work. He was so quiet it was unnerving; the only sound was his breathing and the slight creaking of the bedsprings, caused by my actions. When I felt him grow bigger, I opened my throat, taking him all the way in. He tensed up and then came into me. After the last spasm ended I let him go and moved up next to him on the bed. When I touched his face he opened his eyes looking into mine, but remained mute.

"Are you going to say anything?" I finally asked.

His voice was totally flat; "I really should take a shower." He extracted himself from my embrace, pulled his pants up and got off the bed. He turned to go towards the bathroom, moving as if he was in a trance.

"Was it really that bad?" I called to his retreating form.

He stopped and turned back towards me with a look of complete despair in his eyes, "on the contrary, it was very good. In fact, was wonderful." With that he went into the bathroom, and locked the door. 

David seemed determined to take a shower until all the hot water was gone, so tidied up as much as I could in the basin in the hallway, threw some clean clothes and went down to the restaurant for breakfast.

Since I wasn't the only one who over indulged the night before there were a lot of green faces and pinched expressions in our group. Mollie looked worse than the rest, but she managed a finger wave in my direction. I helped myself to the buffet and sat down opposite her.

"How can you eat?" she groaned, holding on to a cup of milky tea.

"I'm ravenous," I replied, taking a huge bite of a crumpet.

"I hate you," she sighed, and then she straightened up, "so how'd it go with our boy? Did you win the bet yet?"

"Not yet," I answered, after all it was the truth, I didn't actually sleep with him, or really have sex in the classic definition of the term.

"Not even first base?" When I said nothing, she smiled, "OK first base then? Well, I've been there too, so that's not a point for you. How about second base?"

"Drop it Mollie," I warned, aware that other eyes and ears were tuning us in.

She brightened further, "Ooo, you got to second base?"

"I'm serious Mollie, drop it."

"Guessing from those tight jeans he wears I'm betting he is quite the handful, or mouthful," she giggled.

Phil came over to us, face stern, "I don't usually get involved with on-set romances, what you all do in your rooms is up to you, but I do ask you two to be a bit more discreet."

"Yes, that would be nice," I turned around to see David standing behind me.

"How long have you been there?" I asked.

Mollie giggled even louder, "since second base!"

"Bitch!" I spat, rising out of my seat

"Pansy!" she countered and threw her remaining tea at me, followed by the cup.

"Enough!" Phil declared.

Mollie stormed out of the restaurant, and to my surprise David sat in her place across from me. I regained my seat, "I'm sorry..." I started.

"No need to apologise," he took a sip of his tea, "I heard you trying to be the gentleman, you can't control other people."

"It doesn't bother you?"

He put his cup down and leaned forward, and in a very low voice he hissed, "hell yes it bothers me! I am furious with you, and at Mollie, but mostly at myself." He sat back took another sip of tea and then in a normal tone, "But there's nothing I can do, short of time travel, to take that all back. So I will just have to live with it."

That day's shooting was cut short by an equipment failure, at noon Phil gave up and sent us off for the day. Mollie made a beeline for David, putting her arm in his and asked him to accompany her into town for some site seeing. To my dismay he agreed and I was left to amuse myself some other way. 

It was almost 2am when David came back to the hotel room. He got undressed in the bathroom and got into his bed very quietly, obviously believing I was asleep. I sat up and turned on the bedside light, "did you have a good day?" I asked keeping my voice level.

"It was OK," he replied, turning away from the light and from my gaze.

"What did you and Mollie find to do until 2am?" I demanded, an edge creeping into my voice.

David let out a short laugh and turned back towards me, "excuse me? John, you're neither my mother nor my wife, so just let it go."

I moved over to his bed, "she's married, you know that, right?"

"And you have a boyfriend," he countered.

"Did you sleep with her?" 

"Why is that any of your business?"

I grabbed him by the shoulders pulling him up off the bed, "Did you sleep with her?"

"You're serious, aren't you?" he twisted out of my grip and stood up, "Since it seems to matter so damn much to you, no I didn't. I got to carry her bags while she shopped, and fend her off when she had a few drinks in her, then she went to her room alone, but not for lack of trying on her part. Then I got to listen to Phil, in the hotel bar, as he told me endless stories about anyone he's ever met and how wonderful he is. Are you satisfied now?"

"So why didn't you take her up on her offer?" 

"Oh you are precious," he laughed, "first you are upset at me for possibly sleeping with her and now you ask me why I didn't? I give up, you're impossible. Do I have your permission to go to bed now?"

I stood up and walked over to him, "I don't know what came over me, I'm sorry."

"I can't figure you out," he asked, not giving an inch, "what is it you want from me?"

"I want you to love me, as much as I love you." 

"You can't possibly love me, John, you have no idea who I even am. You don't know a thing about me; we only met, what three weeks ago? That's not love, that's infatuation, or lust, but it's not love."

I circled his waist in my arms, "I do love you." I insisted.

"Oh god," he moaned, and pulled away. "Go to bed John, it's far too late or far too early to be having this conversation."

He got back into his bed, and I started to walk to mine, when he sat back up. "Do you want to sleep with me? Just sleep, no euphemisms, just share a bed, can you deal with that?"

"I'd love that," I replied and he moved to one side of the bed pulling back the covers, admitting me. 

I watched him until he fell asleep then slipped my arms around him spooning him against me, as his back touched my chest he put his arms on mine and sighed. 

I woke up some time later, dawn's light beginning to filter in through the windows, to being kissed. David had turned in my arms, and his eyes were closed. Even though I enjoyed the experience I didn't want to take advantage, "David, wake up, I'm not Sonja."

"Well thank god for that," he said, "because you definitely need a shave."

"You're awake, then?" I tilted by head back to get a good look at him.

"I'm pretty sure I am," he opened his eyes and smiled at me, and then he grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me back to him and kissed me again.

I nipped at his lips playfully until he parted them, and I slipped my tongue into his mouth, pulling him tight against me. When my erection pressed into his leg, he tried to break from my embrace but I held him firm. Once he relaxed again, I loosened my hold and moved my lips to his neck, and my hands to his cock. When he tensed up again I moved him over onto his back, and looked down at him, "Are you sure you're ready for this?" 

"If you waited until I was sure, it would never happen," he sighed.

Even though my body wanted to desperately, my mind was still enough in control to say, "I don't want you to rush into anything."

He sat up and turned away from me, "I thought this is what you wanted?"

"More than anything," I assured him, "but is it what you want?"

"I want you," he said turning back to me, then before I could say another word he pushed me onto my back and lowered himself on top of me, his mouth found mine and his hands moved to my cock, freeing it from my pyjama bottoms.

I gave in to the sensations as I let him explore me. He sat back and slowly unbuttoning my shirt, stopping to kiss the flesh the opened buttons revealed. When I was fully exposed he took one of my nipples in his teeth, and teased it with little bites, while he stroked me in the same rhythm. He went still, tilting his head back for a moment, closing his eyes, I worried he was going to stop there, leaving me hanging. Then he leaned in just inches from my face, his eyes wide with desire and a grin formed on his face. Then in one movement he slid down, and took me into his mouth.

He struggled with it at first, gagging a few times. It was obvious he had never done this before but he was a quick learner; using the changes in my breathing and the noises I couldn't stop, to figure out what was working for me. I laced my fingers in his hair and held on tight, the desire building in me in ever more intense waves. I felt my orgasm building and tried to pull out, but he cupped my ass holding me in place. When I came into his mouth he made a choking noise but didn't let go, instead he swallowed hard and ran his tongue over my head a few times, tasting me.

I sat up taking his chin in my hands and looked into his eyes, noticing he was frowning I was extremely worried, "Are you OK?"

He was silent for a moment, "it really does give you perspective..."

I laughed, "does that mind of yours ever rest?"

He moved up putting his head on my shoulder and his arms across my chest, touching my cock lightly, "does this?" he asked as it sprung to life again.

Just then there was a knock at the door, David sat up quickly and scrambled off the bed, "You answer it!" he commanded as he disappeared into the bathroom.

I made myself presentable and opened the door; luckily it was only Phil. He was making sure everyone knew that the replacement equipment had arrived and the day's shoot was on. I caught him looking over my shoulder, into the room. It was quite evident that only one bed had been slept in, I could see the realisation in his eyes and his mouth grow tight, but he said nothing about it, and just asked me to tell David that he would be expected downstairs within the hour.

At the set, as I watched David getting ready to film his scenes Phil came up to me. "He is a nice bit of ass," he said, "I don't blame you one bit for getting some of that while we're here."

"I don't know what you mean," I lied, hopefully convincingly.

"Don't give me that John, you've been sniffing after him since he came on board, I'm not stupid, or blind. But don't you see? That's the reason that we hired him, is because he is a sexy bit! Tall, fit, tight little ass, big soulful eyes, and a winning smile. You know something for the ladies to swoon over, get wet thinking of, buy posters of him, and boost our ratings. Now, how do you think it would go over with the brass to find out he is a switch hitter? And that one of my stars turned him?" 

I said nothing, letting Phil's words sink in. It never occurred to me that I could ruin David's career. Then in a purely selfish moment I realised, and my own.

"I'll grant you all the time we're here, no interference from me, just tone it down a bit with between you and Mollie. And stop following him around like a lost puppy. Fuck him senseless all you want. Hell, give him a good one for me! But once we get back to London, it has to end." He clapped his hand on my shoulder, "I wouldn't pass on a piece of that either given half a chance, but you know I'm right."

That night in our hotel room, David was still revved up from the day's shoot and going on about everything at a mile a minute, unable to wind down. I stood by the window watching the lights of the town sparkle in the darkness, with Phil's words in my head and a vision in my mind of the calendar; we only had four more days on location. Four. Would I be able to let David go?

He came up behind me putting his arms around my waist and blew into my ear, "you still with me?" he whispered.

I turned around, "we have to talk."

His smile faded, and he sat on the edge of one of the beds, "this sounds serious."

"It is," I said sitting next to him, "Phil took me aside this morning..."




Now Starring Ch. 02



"You too?" he sighed, "if he gave you the same talk as he gave me, just forget it. I'm not worried."

"You should be. David, you have so much potential, you are poised to be the next sex symbol, and you deserve it you are worthy of the title."

He searched my face with his eyes, then he stood up, abruptly, "Oh god, I can't believe you're going to let some middle aged queen tell you how to run your life? Do you know he came onto me that night after Mollie left?"

"But he's right."

"Has it ever occurred to you that men have sex symbols too? Obviously you find me attractive," he countered.

"David, this role you're playing, men will want to be you, women will want to sleep with you. It's the way it's all set up."

"You said you loved me," his voice cracked and his eyes started to glisten, he looked away, and took a deep breath. "How long do we have then?"

"Four more days."

"That's not very much time." "No it isn't..."

"Will you make love to me tonight?" he asked, his voice low and pleading.

"Are you sure that's what you want?"

"I swear to god if you ask me that question again I will go sleep with Mollie instead," His eyes blazed, "just stop playing den mother for once and just do what you've been wanting to do since we got here!"

"This shouldn't be how it happens, David, you deserve more." 

"We don't have time for more," he almost shouted, and then regained control, "maybe some other time, we can do the whole hearts and flowers thing but for now, I'll have to go with raw animal lust."

"The first time can be a bit painful," I cautioned.

"It can't hurt me more than you already have," he swallowed hard, "please?"

A rational man would have let him cool off, a rational man would have left him alone, but one glance into his eyes and I was nowhere near rational. 

Sensing he had the upper hand he practically ripped my clothes off of me and hastily stripped off his, then he roughly shoved me on the bed and began mercilessly ravishing my body with bites and his nails. When I tried to add some tenderness in to it, it seemed to enrage him more taking my upper lip in his teeth and biting down hard. That was it, I grabbed his hands in mine, "what are you doing? This isn't you David, this isn't the man I love."

He went limp and closed his eyes, "I'm scared," he admitted with a sigh, "I want you so badly, but I'm really, really scared."

"Can we start this again?"

He nodded and opened his eyes, looking deep into mine. By some trick of the light I saw his pupils for the first time, and they were huge, barely any iris was visible.

We started again, this time he let me kiss him without digging his teeth into me, when I took him into my mouth, he didn't close his eyes instead sat up watching me, I thought he was into it but then he pulled me off of him, "enough. Please? Now?" he breathed.

I got off the bed, rummaged in my kit and pulled out lube and a condom, his eyes watching my every move. I unwrapped the condom and started to put it on.

"Is that necessary?" he asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I want to feel all of you, all of it."

I thought for a moment, I was pretty sure Vartan was faithful, and I did get tested every six months, "No it's not necessary." I put the condom aside and joined him back on the bed. I squirted some lube onto my fingers, and distracting him with some very deep kissing introduced one lubed finger into his ass, followed by another, which made him jerk against me and tense up but he didn't stop me. When I tried for a third he held his breath and a grimace played on his face. After a few moments he relaxed and I slid the third finger into him with little resistance, trying to gently stretch him out. As I moved my fingers in and out his breathing increased and he grew even harder, his erection pressed between us. 

I removed my fingers from him, lifted his hips up and placed a pillow under the small of his back, and then I lifted his legs over my shoulders, just resting the tip of my cock against him. "This is it, we can stop now, I won't be upset." I offered, praying he would not want to.

It seemed like forever before he said, "please, I want you to."

I lubed up generously, and pulling his ass to me, entered him. 

As the tip of my cock opened him up he arched his back, grabbing the sheets and let out a loud gasp, and his jaw clenched so tight I worried he would break his teeth, I stopped my progress. "David? Do you want me to go on?" 

I took his silence as permission. I pressed home, moving with some difficulty in his very tight ass, but I completed my entry. I stayed still letting him get used to me until he relaxed his death grip on the sheets and put his arms around me. Then I pulled back and slowly pushed back in. After a few minutes he shifted his legs from my shoulders and locked them around my hips, in the same moment half sitting up to pull me against him. I locked my lips around his and increased my pace. 

When I pulled out he looked at me quizzically, aware that I hadn't climaxed, "get on your hands and knees," I ordered, he blinked a few times, not quite understanding but did so. 

I moved back into position and in one movement drove myself into him, holding him fast by the hips. Then I moved to where we were both semi sitting up, and reached around to his cock and pumped him in time with my thrusts. He reached back and locked his arms around my neck and held on tight. As he reached his climax I sped up my thrusts, practically lifting him off his knees and came into him. 

After I pulled out he got off the bed and went into the bathroom, I heard the door lock and the water of the shower start up. I don't know how long he was in the shower because when I woke up it was morning and he was nowhere to be seen.

I didn't see him again until the following evening, when he came back from the day's shoot. He barely looked at me before changing in the bathroom, turning out the lights and getting into his bed.

I couldn't take the silence any more, "are you angry with me?"

"Why would I be angry?" he asked turning on his side to face me.

I sat up, and turned on the light, "you've been avoiding me since last night."

"I don't know if you noticed but we're on location, filming a television show, John. I've been working." 

"Do you regret last night?" 

"How could I regret that?" he looked away, his voice taking on a wistful quality, "last night was wonderful. I wouldn't have changed a second of it."

"But?" 

"You said it yourself, once we get back to London, that's it. Friends at best." 

"We have two more days," I protested.

"It's not enough." 

"So that's it? I only had the one chance?"

"I'm really tired, John. I have to be on set tomorrow at 5am." With that he turned off the light and turned away again.

The ride back to London on the bus was rough. David sat next to Phil and listened to him plan out his future with the show. Mollie sat next to me and we both watched the two of them talking.

She sighed, "was it worth it?"

"I won the bet," I tried for humour, failing miserably.

"Did you? Well, good for you," she laughed, then seeing the look on my face stopped, "you don't look like you feel like much of a winner. He's an actor John, a good one, and you know his career will always come first, just like you just like me."

"He's nothing like you and me," I countered.

Weeks passed, my character's part was done for this episode so I didn't see David at all. The show was a smashing success with David in the lead. As Phil predicted David was a megawatt sex symbol, fan clubs dedicated to him popped up all over the place. It wasn't until it was time to film the next episode that I saw him again.

Seeing him stride into the rehearsal hall was like seeing him for the first time again. His tall good looks, his bright smile, and those eyes hit me like a ton of bricks. After making the rounds, greeting everyone he walked over to me, "hey there big fella," he laughed, then he leaned in and very quietly asked, "did you miss me?" and gave my ass a squeeze.

Before I had the chance to answer him he was gone, talking to one of the writers. He listened intently until he caught me looking at him, flashed a smile my way and then winked at me, leaving me wonder what was going to happen next.



Now Starring Ch. 03



The socialising was soon brought to an end when Phil came in and we all gathered around the long table to read the scripts for the new episode for the first time. David took a seat opposite me, pulled his glasses out of his pocket and opened the script. Seeing him again made my heart race, but for his part he barely acknowledged me. 

Read throughs are not usually the most exciting thing, it's just a time to get used to the plot, your character's lines, etc. Since my character had only a couple of pages of lines, I had to fight to stay awake in the closed, warm room, during most of it. 

About an hour into the read, I felt something rubbing against my leg, which snapped me back to attention. Both the person to my left and the person to my right were busy scribbling notes on their script so I began to wonder if I had just imagined the whole thing, when it happened again. This time it was quite clearly deliberate as it worked its way up to my lap. I casually stole a glance down and saw a stocking clad foot teasing my crotch. 

I looked up, everyone around me was concentrating on their scripts and reading their lines, but clearly this foot belonged to someone, then I looked at David, he glanced at me over his glasses, winked and then the foot disappeared. 

When we broke for lunch, I made sure to get to the commissary just ahead of the crowd, got my lunch and sat down at an empty table, waiting for David to join me. A few minutes later he did, he unpacked the contents of his tray without a word, and took a spoonful of soup before looking at me, "You never answered my question," he teased, "did you miss me?"

"You know I did," I replied, "I am really confused, first you cut me off cold, then you play footsy with me at the read through. I don't get you."

He opened up the sandwich on his plate and started peeling the layers back and examining the contents. After removing a limp tomato and some marginal lettuce he reassembled it and put it down, "I had to have time to think," he finally answered.

"About what?" 

"About all of it. You, me. My life outside of that little nest we created at the hotel," he took a bite of the sandwich, pulled a face and dropped in back on the plate, grimacing as he swallowed, "now that is just disgusting." 

"No wonder you're so thin," I was still hurt and, to be honest, angry with him, for his abandonment of me before, but his antics made me laugh, "just eat something without gutting it first."

He smiled back, "here, you try it," he held the plate up offering the sandwich to me.

"No thanks," I dropped the smile, "we seriously need to talk, away from here, someplace private. I need to know what you want from me, from us, and if you're going to flake out on me again."

He arched his left eyebrow quizzically at my words but said nothing; instead he played with the soup awhile, getting spoonful, and then letting it slowly drip out back into the bowl. He finally pushed the tray away, "OK, when?"

"Can you make it after the read through? We'll go someplace private."

"Sure, we can go back to my flat," he agreed, then finished off his tea, stood up and took his tray to the bins. 

When we got back to the read through Phil motioned for David to sit next to him and I took a seat at the far end of the table. A couple of times David seemed to lose his place in the readings, and by the time we were dismissed he looked flushed and jumpy. 

On the cab ride to his flat David seemed to be in his own world, he stared out the window in complete silence and kept it up until we arrived at his place. 

"What's wrong?" I finally asked.

"Phil," he sighed, "the entire time I was next to him he was either feeling me up or pinching my ass. He called me after we got back from location and offered to advance my career, in exchange..." 

"In exchange for what?" 

"If I slept with him," he shrugged.

"What did you tell him?" I tried keeping my voice level, fighting the anger, "You aren't seriously considering it?" but David said nothing, just continued to stare into space, I stood up taking his hands in mine, "please tell me you aren't really giving that any thought?"

"Not for myself," his eyes met mine, and I noticed for the first time, how exhausted he looked, "but when I hesitated on his offer, he said that if I didn't, he could make your career disappear.'

"Don't give it another thought," I countered, "he knows he can't touch your popularity, hell I can't go five blocks without seeing your face on a poster or shop window display, so he resorts to this. He's a sad old queen, David; he really has no power over anyone, especially not you."

"How can you be so sure?" he asked, his voice low.

"Trust me, I just am." I lied, hopefully convincingly. I made a mental note to have a little chat with Phil in the coming days.

My words seemed to sink in and I could see David relax with relief, it was obvious this had been playing with his mind for a while. 

He stood up, heading towards the kitchen, "Can I get you anything?" 

"I'll have whatever you're having," I took the opportunity of him being out of the room to take in the flat. The place was clean, and neat but had the appearance of a hotel room. Very little art, no personal knick-knacks, or photos, "how long have you lived here?" I called out.

He came back into the room with two glasses of amber liquid in his hands, "about six months." He handed me one of the glasses, and sat next to me on the sofa.

"A bit sparse," I commented, and sniffed the glass; identifying it as some sort of whisky I took a sip.

He looked around, "I'm rarely here except to sleep, so I haven't gotten around to doing anything with it. Maybe you can give me some pointers?" 

"Of course it comes with the sexuality, all gay men are fabulous decorators," I laughed doing my best simper.

"That's not what I meant," David protested.

"So," I started, changing the subject, "about us."

"Is there an us?" he countered.

"I would like there to be."

He took a drink, "I love you John. But I'm not sure it's going to work out. You claim Phil has no power over you but when he told you that it had to end between us, you listened to him."

"I was thinking of you! Not me."

"And I appreciate that," he took another sip, "then there's the whole relationship thing, you have Vartan, I have Sonja..."

"Vartan and I broke up," I said, "he left me for his personal trainer." I left off, that I threw him out after a massive fight about David; I didn't think he needed to hear that part.

"I'm so sorry to hear that," he replied. "OK so in a perfect world, what do you see as our future?"

"Hearts, flowers, unicorns and a life time together."

He finished his drink, "if you're not going to take this seriously..."

"OK, sorry that was facetious," I apologised, "I don't know David. I would love for us to live happily ever after, but I'm realistic. I'm your first man, this could just be a phase for you, but I am willing to give you all the time in the world."

He was silent for a moment. He played with the empty glass in his hands, twirling it on his knee, and then he went back into the kitchen, refilled it and sat back down next to me. He took a sip and put the glass on the coffee table in front of us. Then he put his arms around my waist and his head on my chest, and closed his eyes for a moment.

"I can hear your heart," he almost whispered, "it's beating very fast." 

I said nothing and just held him closer, and then he trailed his fingers down my chest touching me lightly, "now it's beating even faster." 

He sat up and moved to where he was straddling me, his dark eyes gazing deep into mine. Then a smiled played across his face, and grabbed my hair in his hands, pulling me to him, and gave me a long, lingering kiss. After a moment he let me go, "Are you coming onto me?" I joked, after catching my breath.

"If you can't tell then, I'm doing it wrong." He un-tucked my shirt, and loosened my belt, and bent his head to my neck, kissing the ever-faster pulse there.

I reached under his shirt, and ran my hands over his back. Suddenly I stopped, alarmed by the way his bones seemed to stick out under his skin. I lifted his shirt over his head and gasped at the sight of his ribs very prominently displayed. "Oh David!" I exclaimed.

He followed my gaze, then got off me, and stood up. "I've been under a lot of pressure lately," he explained, "you sure know how to kill a mood." He picked his shirt up from the floor and slipped it back on.

I walked over to him, "I'm sorry but you are skinny enough normally, and I am just concerned. Have you seen a doctor?"

He picked up the drink from the coffee table, sipped it and looked at me, "after the hotel, yes, I have to admit I got tested. But I'm fine, I swear. I just tend to get over stressed and forget to eat. If I promise to gorge myself later can we drop this and get back to where we were?"

"Only if you promise," I countered.

"Scout's honour," he grinned, and took my hand, leading me into his bedroom.

I sat on the edge of the bed, and looked around, the room was neat but sparse; no clues as to his personality or tastes were in evidence, he sat next to me on the bed, "now where were we?" 

I answered him by gently pushing him back on the bed and kissing him deeply, my tongue playing over his, my hands wandering over his body. After a moment he broke contact, "I would really like to make love to you," he breathed, "are you up for that?"

That set me back a moment, to be honest I am usually a top. There have only been a few times where that was not the case, and I really didn't enjoy them, more to the point, none of them were as big as David. I knew in the back of my mind this was a test, if I said no, it could be the end of things. He saw my hesitation but said nothing, giving me time to answer, "I would like that," I finally replied, hoping I really would.

"I promise to make it worth your while," he grinned, and unzipped my jeans freeing me, he took me into his hands and when he got me hard he slid down, taking me into his mouth. 

This time he seemed a bit more confident but it was still pretty obvious he wasn't experienced, but he was willing to experiment. At one point he let go of me then blew his breath on just the head, the warm air drying it momentarily before he drew me back in. Even though I was awash in sensation the events to follow kept playing in my mind, I hoped I wouldn't let myself, and more importantly David down. 

He reared back and yanked my jeans down to my knees, reached into his bedside table and pulled out some lube, and greased up his longest fingers and bent his head down again. As he took little nips at the root of my cock he moved his hand underneath me, inserting his fingers into my ass, moving them in and out as his tongue swirled in the same rhythm across my head. I willed myself to relax and in a short time came into his mouth. 

David sat back, wiping his free hand across his lips, and then removed his fingers from me, "how do you want to do this?" he asked, his voice husky with desire.

"Give me a moment," I asked and got off the bed, going into the bathroom. I turned the taps on, and looked at myself in the mirror. "What the hell's wrong with you?" I asked the reflection, but the man in the mirror didn't answer me. I splashed water on my face and came back into the bedroom.

David was still fully dressed, "are you sure you're up to this?" he asked. 

My answer was to get undressed quickly and encourage him to do the same, trying to block out the voices and go with the sensations I knew were to come. After some more kissing and fondling I was ready, without a word I got on my hands and knees in front of him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him reach for the lube again, and then he moved into position behind me. He didn't enter me straight away, instead he teased my ass with his fingers, at the same time cupped my balls in his other hand gently massaging them, while tickling my cock. My desire was building so fast; I reached for his cock, and holding it fast, backed myself onto him. 

He stopped me after only a few inches were in, "cheater," he laughed, whispering into my ear before biting the lobe gently. With that he finished his entry. 

I could feel the pulse of his cock as it beat in my ass, but he held himself still for a few minutes, kissing my back, when he pulled almost all the way out and rushed back in in almost the same movement I could barely hold back a moan from both the pleasure and pain of his size stretching me out. 

For his part, aside from the way his breath came in hot bursts on my back, he was silent. After a few minutes I had to see his eyes, so I rotated on his cock, until I was on my back, never once losing contact and held his face in my hands, tilting his head down. He bent to kiss me, slipping his arms under my shoulders, his rhythm never faltering. 

When I moved my hands down to my cock, he gently removed them and instead bent in such a way that he was able to both fuck me and take me into his mouth at the same time. I marvelled at his flexibility as I came so hard I saw stars beneath my closed eyelids. He increased his pace, then his whole body went rigid, he reared back and came into me in warm spurts.

Afterwards, I was drenched in sweat and so was he, neither of us had enough breath to speak for a few minutes. David was the first one to break the silence, "did I make it worth your while?" he asked.

I was still breathless so I settled for a nod.

He propped himself up on his elbow, and smiled down at me, "good." He lightly blew on my chest cooling the heat, and put his head on my shoulder.

I think I fell asleep because when I woke up David was nowhere to be seen, and the room was dark. I had a moment of disorientation, but then remembered where I was. I put my clothes on and walked out into the main room of the flat. David was sitting on one of the chairs, his long legs draped over the arm on one side and his back against the other arm, reading a book. When he saw me he put the book down, "Welcome back," he smiled.

I sat on the arm of the chair behind his head, "now how about maintaining your end of the bargain?"

He tilted his head back to look at me, "what's that?"

"Let me take you to dinner, you need to eat, even if just to keep your strength up." I smiled down at him.

"I'm not hungry," he started, then catching the frown on my face, stopped himself. Then with a sigh, "OK where do you want to go?"

"You said you would gorge yourself, which I think would be quite a turn on, so where could you achieve this?" 

At the restaurant I watched David pick apart his pasta dish, moving the noodles to one side and the veggies to another, without a morsel going into his mouth. He did finish a glass of red wine before I lost patience with him, "David, you have to eat the food it doesn't absorb into your blood stream via the fork."

He glared at me but dutifully put a fork full into his mouth. I didn't lower my gaze until he had cleaned his plate, "is that better?" he asked.

"Yes, much," I poured him another glass of wine, I leaned in and quietly joked "I don't see how you keep from passing out when you get an erection."

At first he looked at me like I had grown antlers, then he started to laugh, "you are a treasure." 

That night alone in my bed the only light in the room coming from a streetlight I wondered if I was really good for David. In the short time we knew either other I seemed to heap a lot of pressure on his thin shoulders, and I wasn't sure he was equipped to handle it.

As I fell asleep I did something I hadn't done in ages, I said a prayer asking whatever powers who would be listening to keep him safe and that I could make him happy.



Now Starring Ch. 04



The next day I made sure to get Phil on his own, "I had a talk with David last night..." I started.

He looked at me with his mouth in a firm line, "I'm guessing you didn't just talk to him John. If I know you."

"That's neither here nor there," I continued, "he told me about your little 'offer'."

"Now you're his protector?" Phil scoffed, "let me let you in on a little secret, your precious little David is not a wilting violet, he doesn't need a big strong knight in shining armour to come to his rescue."

"None the less, I can't believe you're using me to get to him!"

Phil looked at me like I was something preserved on a slide; "maybe I should have another chat with Mr. Bright Eyes..."

"About what?" I stepped in closer, raising myself up to my full height.

"Since we're both so concerned with his little feelings now, maybe I should let him know how many of your co-stars you've bedded in the past. I've known you too long to believe you're really in love with him; you just like adding that notch on your bedpost, and this is a new twist, turning a straight man. So it's just funny that now you're acting like it's wrong for me to want some of that too."

"This is different," I insisted, "I really do love him."

"How can you be so sure he isn't just using you?' Phil quickly changed tactics, "maybe you're a notch on his bedpost? He's a star John and you; you are just a bit player, what makes you think he'll stay with you, a complete nobody? He could have anyone, of either sex, he wants by just giving them a blast of those big soulful eyes."

Just then one of the assistants came to get Phil, but before he left he got in one last jab, "John, as a friend I am warning you, David is not your soul mate. That boy is damaged goods in a pretty package. He's not as sweet and innocent as you make him out to be, and you're setting yourself up for a massive fall back to earth."

I grabbed his sleeve, "What do you mean by that?" 

Phil smiled at me, "try talking to him. Really listen to him, instead of letting your cock do the thinking, and you'll see what I mean. You may want to think about throwing your life, your career down the crapper for him, because he sure as hell wouldn't do that for you."

I tried to blow off Phil's words but some of it was too close to the truth. What did I really know about David? The honest answer would be very little. So after the rehearsal ended I caught up with him, "Let's go grab some coffee."

He laughed, "Is that some sort of euphemism? If so, that's a new one on me."

"No, seriously, just coffee, or tea. At a proper coffee shop."

David looked at me a bit puzzled, "isn't that usually a first date activity? Are we going in reverse?"

"Please?"

At the shop David sat with his back to the wall of the booth watching me, quietly, as I placed our orders. After they arrived he took a sip of his tea, and then broke the silence, "What is this all about?"

"It came to me that we never really talk, and I'd like to know more about you."

"What do you want to know?" he leaned forward, resting his chin in his hands.

"Tell me about yourself."

"Give me a starting point..."

"OK, your family. Any brothers? Sisters?"

"One of each, I have a brother, Michael, he's a pastor like my dad. And a sister, Emily, she's married with two kids." Then he sat back, "why the sudden interest in my family?"

"Your dad's a pastor?"

"Yes, C of E and all that. What about you?" he countered.

"I'm an only child. What about your mom?"

"She died when I was 12, breast cancer. Is there anything else you want to know? Or is the interview done?" 

"That's it for now."

After that we both fell silent, David finished his tea then moved to where he was stretched out in the booth, slightly turned away from me.

"I had a talk with Phil today," I finally offered.

He turned back to me, "how'd that go?

"Not great. Look I have something to tell you," I confessed, "I have, in the past, been known to go out with other co-stars."

"Oh horrors!" David laughed. 

"The point is, I want you to know that because Phil is going to use it against me. You hold a challenge for him, and he will do whatever it takes to try to win."

David sighed and closed his eyes for a moment, "what is it recently that I seem to be seen as some prize to be won?"

"Because you are very special, you're kind, and funny," I put my hand on his, "and you are very good looking. It's an attractive combination."

"Flatterer," he glanced at his watch, "I have to go, Sonja is having a party tonight and she asked me to ask you if you wanted to come."

"I don't know..."

He came around to my side of the booth, "You don't have to come, but I'd really like you to. You just said you wanted to get to know me better, well, here's a chance." 

He jotted down an address on my napkin and a time, "if you decide to come, I look forward to seeing you there."

I'll admit I wrestled with whether or not to go to the party, but the part of me that wanted to spend as much time with David as possible won out. When I arrived at Sonja's flat, the party was in full swing. Sonja looked lovely, and she graciously greeted me like a long lost friend. I didn't really know how much she knew about David and I, so I was a bit nervous to see her again.

"Hey there stud," she laughed embracing me, then she gave me the once over, "it's too bad you don't swing my way, you look very handsome."

"Thanks for inviting me," I replied.

She linked her arm in mine and motioned me to bend down a bit, she put her mouth next to my ear, "David and I have no secrets between us, I've shared my adventures with him and he does the same for me. I just want you to know, I'm happy for you." Then she let go of my arm and flitted off to greet the next person arriving at the party.

I found the bar and ordered a drink, then casually scanned the room for David. I finally spotted him standing out on the balcony, by himself, gazing up at the stars, the hand that was not holding a drink was firmly clasped to the railing. When he saw me he executed a very uncoordinated half spin, and managed to spill most of the drink on his shoes. 

It wasn't until I got closer that it became apparent David was quite drunk, he was very unsteady on his feet, swaying a bit. "I hoped you would come," he slurred, "this party needs some livening up." 

"Do you really think it's a good idea to be out here in your condition?" I asked, glancing through the open grating to the street below.

He put the glass down on a table and leaned over the edge of the balcony both arms over the railing, "it's not the fall that kills you," he joked, "it's that sudden stop at the end..."

"Could you step away from there, please?" I begged, my heart skipping a beat as he swayed a bit.

"Am I making you nervous?" he asked, and putting his feet up on the first rung of the railing with the upper half of his body folded over the edge.

"Yes you are, very." I stepped closer, trying to get within arm's reach in case he fell.

He flashed a half smile in my direction, then using the edge of the cement porch from the next floor up, hauled himself up on the top rail of the balcony and stood there a moment, not holding on to anything. When he started to lose his balance I leapt forward, grabbed him around the waist and set him down on the ground.

"My hero," he laughed, "you saved me from bad old gravity."

"That wasn't funny, David, you could have fallen," I was both relieved and mad as hell at him for his foolishness.

"On the plus side," he countered, "there's no way I could have survived if I had, so no long hospitalisation would be needed."

"You're scaring me."

"Yeah, I know. I sort of scared myself, too" he admitted, his face totally still. Then he picked up the mostly empty glass, drained it and opened the balcony door, "I need another drink. Can I get you anything?"

"A Valium?" 

"Sorry, don't have any of those. Will you wait here for me? I'll be right back." With that he staggered into the mob in the main room and was swallowed up by the crowd.

I sat down on one of the lounge chairs trying to get my heart back to a normal rhythm when I heard the door open, I thought it was David, but when I turned to look it was Sonja standing over me instead. 

"Nice night," she started.

I looked out at the stars, "Yes it is."

"I think you should know something, about this party. I am expecting." She sat on the edge of the lounge chair next to me.

"You're pregnant?" I asked.

"It's not David's and he knows it's not his," she admitted, "he offered to do the 'right thing' and marry me but I will be marrying the baby's father." She held up her right hand, and showed me a big engagement ring. "This is my engagement party."

"David didn't tell me that," I said.

"He's known for a few weeks," she rubbed her stomach thoughtfully, "the reason I wanted to have you here tonight is that I know I broke his heart. He says he's OK with it, but I know he's not. And I would like to ask you to take care of him for me, and for his sake. I know you love him and he may not know it but he needs you."

"Are you going to be OK?" I asked.

"It's not what I envisioned happening," she replied, "I really do love David, John. But the baby's father is a very rich man, who adores me and well, you have to make the best of things, don't you?"

"I guess so."

"Don't let him seal himself off and wither away to nothing. He's very hurt and angry, and because he's too much the gentleman is taking it out on himself instead of me." She stood up, "anyway, please be good to him and give him my love as well as your own."

A few minutes after she left David rejoined me on the balcony. I was standing at the rail watching the lights of the city below when he came up next to me. 

"So did you and Sonja have a good chat?" he asked.

"She told me about the baby," I replied, "I'm so sorry David, no wonder you've been such a wreck lately. You should have told me."

"Thanks for the compliment," he grumbled, and took a long pull on his drink.

"Sonja still loves you," I started.

"I don't really want to talk about Sonja," he cut me off, "can we talk about you instead?"

"Me?"

"Yes, you." He smiled, "and what naughty things you want to do to me."

"Right now I want to just hold you in my arms."

"How dull is that?' He finished his drink, "I give up. I'm going home."

I watched him as said his goodbyes to everyone and started out the door of the flat, but once we were on the street I stopped him, "Come home with me, please? I don't think you should be alone."

"Why?" he whipped around, eyes blazing, "So you can prolong the agony? I don't need your pity John."

"No, that's not why," I spoke calmly, "maybe I'm lonely, too. Have you considered that?"

His shoulders slumped and he closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, I could see that he was just barely holding the tears at bay, "are you?" he whispered.

I nodded, not trusting my voice to not break, because until that moment I hadn't admitted it to anyone, not even myself. 

When I didn't answer he walked over to me, putting his hand in mine, and brushed his other hand across my cheek, "aren't we a pair?" 

Once we got back to my flat David spent a few minutes just checking the place out, bouncing from one room to another, almost manic in his movements. 

Then just as quickly, he decided to land on the sofa, and sat down with a thump, "Nice place," he finally allowed, looking at me and then again around the room, "not really what I expected..."

"Oh? What did you expect?" I asked, sitting next to him.

"For starters, something more," he stopped, searching for the right word, waving his hands in the air, "More. Just more."

"You are going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow," I said, "you may want to take some aspirin before going to bed."

"Speaking of bed," he countered, "does that invite still stand?"

"You're welcome to spend the night, if that's what you mean."

"That's a start..." he said and put his head on my chest and looked up at me. 

"Can I ask you something?" 

"If I say no will you anyway?" he sighed, leaning back again the sofa, and looked up at the ceiling.

"It isn't just alcohol is it?" 

He said nothing, just continued to study the ceiling.

"Are you on something?" I continued.

He looked at me finally, "I'm on the sofa." 

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do. If you really must know, and you seem to think you do, no I am not high on anything, or for that matter, nor was I really that drunk."

"I saw you drinking at the party." 

"You saw me spill most of one drink and finish another. That's one and a half at the most," He countered.

"You were acting drunk? Why?" I was really confused by this revelation.

"I was thinking of jumping off that balcony," David admitted, "and I figured if people thought I was drunk then, well, you get the idea."

"Why continue that act until now?" 

"Just got into the part?" then he stood up, this time very clearly steady on his feet, "I don't know John, maybe I was hoping you'd think I was really drunk and take advantage of me?"

Despite myself Phil's words played in my head, in that moment I wondered if David was truly "damaged goods" he definitely was a pretty package, I had to give him that. "You are scaring me again."

"I can see that, and I'm sorry. Maybe I should just leave." 

"I didn't want you to be alone when I thought you were drunk, now that I know you're sober that goes double. You are seriously worrying me, David, and I don't think it's a good idea for you to go."

He perched on the sofa arm next to me, "so now what?" 

I reached over, grabbed the remote and turned the telly on, "let's settle in and watch a movie and then see where that goes?"

He looked at me like I had lost my mind, but after a few moments he stretched out next to me on the sofa, his head in my lap and his long legs dangling over the other end. Without realising it I started to stroke his hair, running my fingers through the dark red strands, as if I were petting a cat. 

After a while his breathing slowed, and he fell asleep. I moved to a semi-laying position, with him still fast asleep. Even when I lifted him to move him to lying on top of me, he didn't stir. I turned the telly off and pulled the afghan off the back of the sofa, covering us both and went to sleep.

I woke sometime later to the feeling of being watched. I had shifted to being on my back; David was stretched out on me, still asleep. It was then I realised the eyes watching me belonged to Vartan, my ex boyfriend. 

Before I could say it he offered, "you never did take back your key."

"What are you doing here?" 

"Isn't this a sweet scene? I really wish I had a camera."

"Get out!" I hissed.

"I just swung by to pick up something I left here," he said, "I didn't think you'd be home, I saw you all dressed up for a party, earlier. I didn't think you'd be like Cinderella and turn into a pumpkin."

He walked into my bedroom and came out with a leather jacket in his hands, "this is it." 

"Give me the key," I demanded.

"Come and get it," he teased, holding it just out of my reach.

I gently slid David off me, and stood up, and got right in Vartan's face, "I said give me the key, now."

"Or what?" he laughed, and then he looked past me to David. "So how is he? Nice and tight? Does he give head as good as I do?" 

Then he knocked one of the lamps off its table, sending it crashing to the ground. This roused David who sat up regarding us both with a somewhat puzzled look.

"Good morning Sunshine," Vartan walked over to him, "guess you caught us having a little tryst behind your back. You really want to watch Johnny boy here, he will fuck anything that moves."

I grabbed the key from Vartan and half shoving, half carrying him, got him to the doorway, "if you pull this sort of stunt again, I'll have what's left of you arrested." With that I gave him one last push into the hallway and locked the door.

"Did I just dream all that?" David asked, rubbing his eyes.

"No that was a living nightmare," I replied, "but it's over now."

David glanced at his watch, "I should probably get going anyway, we have rehearsals in the morning."

"Please stay," I pleaded, "I would like to see those freckles in dawn's light."

He laughed, "I can see why, they are so appealing..."

"They suit you," I replied, "they keep you from being too pretty."

"Are you calling me ugly?" he joked, "thanks a lot."

I sat back down next to him on the sofa and cupped his face in my hands, "you are definitely not ugly, in fact you are probably the best looking man I've ever met."

"Probably?"

"Definitely, " I leaned in and gave him a kiss, then pushed him back against the sofa and started to unbutton his shirt. I still was worried by the prominence of his ribs, but my hands found other places to touch him.

After a moment I stood up, scooping him into my arms and carried him into the bedroom, and I laid him down on the bed. He sat up, and taking my shirt in his hands ripped it open, sending buttons flying everywhere.

"I could have undone that." 

"I've always wanted to do that," he laughed, "very dramatic don't you think?"

So I returned the favour sending his shirt buttons flying, and he laughed even harder. I lowered myself onto him, careful not to put my full weight on him for fear of crushing him, then silenced his laughter with my mouth and tongue.

After a while I left off his mouth and began to undress him, when he tried to help I gently took his hands in mine and put them down by his side. So he let me continue unaided. 

I was just standing up to remove my clothing when David sat back up, "Do a strip tease for me," he challenged, his dark eyes sparkling in the light.

"I don't think..." I started.

"Oh come on, indulge me."

I gave it my best shot; although I felt pretty ridiculous it seemed to do something for David, as he grew hard watching me. By the time I joined him back on the bed he was ready for me, I bent to take him in my mouth but he stopped me, "no foreplay this time," he insisted huskily, "just fuck me."

I was a bit taken aback by this, I had never heard him say so much as a damn, let alone...but I took him at his word, lubed up and drove myself into him. 

I could tell it still hurt him by the way he tensed up, and held his breath at my entry, but he wrapped his long legs around me, holding on. I so lost myself in the sensation of his warm tightness enveloping me, just the pull and push of the moment, the sound of my heart pounding in my ears, that when my orgasm hit me, it sort of took me by surprise. As I collapsed on David I realised that he hadn't come at all.

I pulled out and again tried to take him into my mouth but he moved out of my reach, "You didn't get off." I explained.

He said nothing instead turned on his side away from me, and closed his eyes. After a few minutes his breathing slowed and he was asleep. I felt guilty, I knew I hadn't been a very attentive, nor gentle lover, and tonight of all nights, he probably needed that. 

Dumb move, John, I chastised myself.

When alarm rang David was already awake, and had showered and was dressed only in his jeans. I don't know how long he had been awake but he had made tea for us. 

When I came into the kitchen he handed me a cup and then went back into the bedroom. He came out holding the remains of his shirt, "I don't think this is going to work." He held the shredded material to his chest and smiled at me.

"I have extra shirts, but you're going to swim in them." I went into my closet and grabbed out a green hoodie, and tossed it at him.

"Better swimming than flashing," he replied, slipping the hoodie on, smoothing down his hair then leaning against the counter. As his back met the Formica he winced a bit.




Now Starring Ch. 04



"Are you OK?" I asked.

"You weren't exactly easy on me last night."

"I'm sorry about that," I started, but he cut me off.

"Nor did I want you to be," he took a sip of his tea, "but I think I should probably take a few aspirins before going into rehearsal this morning."

When we arrived at the rehearsal hall Mollie was in a state, her face was red and she looked like she wanted to kill someone. I wisely avoided her but she caught David looking at her and marched over to him, holding some pink sheets in her grip "You won't believe what the writers came up with over night!"

I tried to motion for him to not ask, but he didn't see me or chose to ignore me. Mollie thrust the pages into his hand. He took out his glasses and read through the first few pages, then looking at her, with a grim look on his face said, "I'm so sorry."  

Mollie stormed off in search of Phil, I guess, and I could no longer contain my curiosity, "What was that all about?"

He pocketed his glasses again, his face still very grim, but I could see the corners of his mouth twitching, "good news!" he exclaimed.

"They're killing off her character?" I asked.

"Even better than that," he grinned at me, his dark eyes lit up with amusement, "You two get to have a love scene!"

"A what?"

David leaned in, "you know you get to pretend to have sex with her. Good luck big boy." He patted my shoulder.

"That's not funny, David!" I protested.

"Oh, I think it is. In fact I think it's hilarious. Just close your eyes and think of the Queen."



Now Starring Ch. 05



I got past the read through with Mollie barely containing her fury, and Phil smirking at me the entire time. David was off in wardrobe, so he was spared the awkwardness. I waited for him outside his trailer and when he finally showed up I grabbed him.

"Look, I have a problem," I said ushering him inside.

"And that would be?" he smiled.

"I can't do this love scene with Mollie," I continued.

"Oh come on! I know she's not your favourite person, but you are an actor, so act!" 

"The problem isn't that I don't like her," I admitted, "first thing is that I've never done a love scene before..."

"Really? I've done a few, they aren't that sexy so don't worry about anything 'coming up' during them." David sat on the edge of the day bed, and regarded me silently for a moment, "there's more to this isn't there?"

"The thing is I've never made out with a woman, ever." 

"Well you still won't be, it's make believe, John," he replied, "besides it's very much like making love to a man."

"I would suck her dick, then fuck her in the ass while fisting her cock?" 

"Um, no," he laughed, "OK so it is a bit different. But what do you want me to do about it?"

"I don't know!" I paced the length of the trailer, my brain going a top speed, "maybe you could show me?"

"Show you how?" 

"Well, ah," I stammered trying to put my thoughts into words, "you could pick up one of those groupies of yours and let me watch?"

"Absolutely no way, I'm not doing that!" David stood up, "and you're just going to have to find your inner heterosexual and do something like rent a porno, like most boys do when they're curious."

"Would you watch it with me?"

"Don't you think that would skew your research?" he laughed.

"This isn't funny," I protested.

"Then you obviously are missing the joke," he replied, "you're a big strong man afraid of touching a little snip of a woman? John, if you really want to be a method actor, that's your business, but I'm not going to sleep with someone just so you can do research."

"How about giving me some pointers?" 

"All right," he opened the door to the trailer, "try 'Debbie Does Dallas' it's a pretty good starting place." With that he walked out of the trailer, turned around to flash me a smile and walked back into the studio.

As I watched him leave his words about doing a few love scenes played in my mind. I know he had done a couple of movies before joining the show; maybe one of them was out on DVD? If I could rent one of those, I thought, I could get some ideas.

After the day's rehearsal I went to the local video shop, I asked the guy behind the counter for some help looking for one of David's movies, as he looked up the information on the screen the guy made chit-chat, "So have you seen this guy's recent series on the telly?"

A curious mix of having a bruised ego and relief that he didn't recognise me from the same show played in my head, with relief winning out, "Yes I've seen it," I answered.

"My girlfriend thinks he's really sexy, she just put up his poster in our bedroom, it's disturbing going to sleep with him watching me." He joked.

Seems heavenly to me, I thought, but instead just bit my tongue. After a while the computer search found the DVD and I rented it and took it home.

The movie was a period piece, seeing David dressed in tight breeches and a long fitted waistcoat was quite a turn on, but I really wanted to see the love scenes. I fast forwarded until I found one, it was pretty graphic, and I have to say I was breathing heavily only a few minutes into it.

Even though I knew he was just acting a role, it was very reminiscent of the real thing. I watched as David's character bend to take the woman's nipples into his mouth and felt the sensations, as if his lips were on me. When he kissed his way down her stomach and disappeared under the sheets, she moaned as if his mouth was on her, I touched myself. As David's character's back arched in climax with the woman riding him my mind flashed back to the way David's back did the same thing when I made love to him and before I knew it I came.

In a clearer moment, a few minutes later, I began to wonder if he had been that convincing on screen, was he just acting with me? My mind went back to the night of Sonja's party, and how he had been playing drunk and all the doubts built up in my head. Instead of letting it drive me insane I decided to call David, after about three rings he picked up. 

I made small talk for a bit, then dove right in, "I rented one of your movies today..." I started.

"Well, aren't you becoming quite the fan boy?" he joked, "which one?"

I told him, and then said "And there's something I need to ask you..."

"If it's about the contacts, yes they were going for blue eyes, but it just made me look weird," he countered, "weirder than usual."

"It's not that, it's the first love scene." 

"OK..."

"First let me say it was really good, and it got me off," I admitted.

David started laughing, "You aren't going to tell me you had a wank to one of my movies are you?"

"Yes, I did. But the part that bothers me is that it was very familiar." I finally came to the point, and was greeted by a long silence.

"I don't follow you," he finally said, his voice wary.

"Since I met you it's been apparent that you are a very good actor," I chose my words carefully, hoping to not sound as stupid as I was beginning to feel.

"And you wondered if I was acting with you?" he finished for me, in a completely emotionless tone. Making me wish I could see his face, to be able to read what he was thinking.

"Yes, in a nutshell."

"Please tell me you're kidding," he sighed, "you can't be serious."

"I am, completely. Can't you just answer the question?"

"I don't know what to say John. If you can't see by now that I love you, I don't know what else I can do to convince you. I risked a lot to be with you! I was even willing to sleep with Phil to save your career!" he replied his voice hard and his Scottish accent growing thicker, "I am an actor, yes, but I'm also a real human being. I don't know about you anymore. You don't seem to be in the right line of work if you can't separate fact from fiction."

Before I could say another word, he hung up on me. I tried calling him back straight away and a few more times before I admitted to myself that he was not going to take my calls. At first I was angry at David for just cutting me off dead, then it slowly dawned on me how I must have sounded to him, and in a painful moment I realised how much I had just hurt him. 

I hailed a cab and headed over to his flat. I hoped he was home and that he would see me. I could see the lights on in his flat as the cab pulled up in front of the building. I got out and buzzed the intercom. As it was one with a camera I knew he could see me, as well as hear me. It took a couple of minutes for him to decide to buzz me, during which time I felt pretty conspicuous just standing outside the building pleading to thin air.

David greeted me at the doorway to his flat, completely blocking the entrance, seemingly determined not to let me in, "What do you want?"

"I wanted to apologise," I started.

I could see the hurt and anger in his eyes, "It's not that easy John." He countered, not budging from his post, "You just don't get it do you?"

"I know I was being a jealous idiot, and I'm sorry." I confessed, "it's just I know how attractive you are, and how you could have anyone you want. I think seeing that movie reminded me of that, and I guess I just got insecure."

"Obviously I can't have anyone I want," he replied, still holding his ground, "first Sonja, now you? I don't think that gives me a very good track record."

"Do you know that when you get angry your accent gets more pronounced?" 

"What?" he replied, confused.

"When you chewed me out, you rolled your Rs like mad and I could see you dressed in a kilt standing on the highlands wind in your hair."

His eyes grew really wide and then he started to laugh, "Stop that! I'm still very angry with you." 

"I know you are, and I deserve it," I glanced down the hallway, "can I come in? I feel really stupid standing out here like this."

David stepped aside, letting me into his flat but I could tell he was still very wary of me. I took a seat on the chair and he sat on the edge of the sofa, picking at some imaginary lint on his jeans "So now what?" 

"It's up to you," I replied, "I think we could be good together, in the long run. No relationship is perfect, and this is all new for you, being in one with a man."

He looked me in the eye, and then back down at his jeans, "It's not just that you're a man, John,"

"Then what is it?" I asked

David started to say something, then stood up and went into the kitchen, "Do you want a drink?" he called out.

I followed him, "you're avoiding me. Why?"

He opened the cupboard, took out a glass and a bottle of whiskey, poured himself a drink and then set the bottle down, "I don't want to get into this right now." With that he downed the drink in one gulp and poured another.

Before he could take a drink of the fresh glass, I took the glass out of his hand, setting it down on the counter. I took his hands in mine pulling him closer, "Please talk to me."

David avoided looking directly at me, and pulled away. He picked up his drink and held it up to his forehead for a second, letting the cool glass rest there. Then he took a sip and set it back down, "I don't really know how to say this."

"Try."

He was clearly trying to find the right words, and I was trying to be patient, but frankly the suspense was killing me. After a few minutes I lost it, "Give me a hint!" I practically shouted.

David jumped a bit at my tone, obviously surprised, "Um, well. I don't think, ah..." he started. Then he stopped, ran his hands through his hair, pulling at it, and then made a noise of frustration, "honestly this isn't a good time."

"Is it about us?" I persisted.

"Yes."

"Are you unhappy?" 

"I just think you and I need to back off a bit. It's gone too fast too soon, which is clearly my fault. But your possessiveness and jealousy are scaring me."

"I said I was sorry," I countered.

"Yes, I know and I believe you, really I do!" he replied, his eyes wide, "but the fact still remains, you really did think I was playing some sort of game with you."

"I was being stupid, I know but that's past, honestly!" I protested, stepping in and taking his face in my hands I pulled him to me and gave him a kiss. To my dismay he didn't return it, his lips unyielding. When I stepped back he moved away, turning his back to me. 

"Am I that repulsive now?" I demanded, my anger building. "That's not fair!" David whirled around to face me, eyes blazing, "I asked you to give me some time, but you pressured me to tell you now!" 

"I am getting tired of this running hot and cold stuff, David. You need to make a decision where you want this to end up, because I am not going to wait around much longer."

He let out a short humourless laugh, "you want a decision now?"

"If you're capable of it," I sneered.

"Maybe you should just go," David said in a very soft voice, his eyes downcast, "I don't think this is going to come to a good conclusion or a fair one."

"I deserve an answer!" 

"Yes you do," he agreed, "but you're not in a mood to listen to reason and I can't talk to you when you're like this."

My rational self knew he was right, but the rage that was building up in me was winning out, before I could stop myself I grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him back against the wall pinning him with my body. As I outweighed him, his struggles to push me off of him were in vain. I grabbed his hair tightly in my fists and yanked his head back, and kissed him hard, my lips crushing his. He grabbed my forearms trying to push me back but I was much stronger than him. David then tried going totally limp in and effort to slide out of my grasp, but I held him firm against the wall. Finally when he took my lower lip in his teeth and bit down hard, the pain made me come to my senses and let him loose. 

The impact of what I had just done suddenly hit me and I bowed my head in shame, I could feel the anger like a heat wave coming from David, but I couldn't look at him. I heard his heavy breathing and knew I had really screwed up. I closed my eyes waiting for what was surely going to be the sound of the death of our relationship but I dared not look at him. The silence eventually got to me and I glanced at him, he was looking at me, his face totally still, and I couldn't get a read on him, "are you going to say anything?" I finally asked.

He continued to stare at me for a moment, looking at me like he had never seen me before and wasn't too pleased to see me now. Then he walked to the door of the flat and held it open, "I suggest you leave, before I do something we both will regret" he advised, his voice completely expressionless.

I started out the door, and then turned back, I got "I'm truly sorry," out before he slammed the door in my face and I heard him throw the lock. 

The rest of that night I went over the events in my head, sleep eluding me. I have never been a violent person yet David brought out that side in me, but why? He didn't ask for it, and certainly I had to admit, didn't deserve it. Finally around 2am I got out of bed, and made a pot of tea, resigned to being awake.

When Phil greeted me the next morning he handed me some additional pink sheets and then wandered off to find one of his assistants. I glanced briefly at the script changes and saw it was more on the love scene with Mollie. 

I sensed rather than saw David walk in, he barely looked at me before starting to read through the pink sheets in his hand. He got to one of the pages and made a strange sound, and looked over at me, then back down at the script. He stood up and walked over to me, "we have to talk." 

"Now? Are you sure this is the place?" I asked.

"Not about us," he whispered, "did you read the changes?"

"What?"

"The script changes, John read them!" he sounded really upset, he grabbed my arm and led me into an unused room across the hallway, "page six. Read it!"

I flipped through the pages until I found it. The writers had obviously been busy overnight. On page six, after my love scene with Mollie, her character's jealous husband discovers us and shoots my character dead. I sat down in the nearest chair with a thump, "oh that bastard!" I sighed, "he has really topped himself now."

Phil saw all the excitement and strode over, he looked at David and I and a smile spread across his face, "I warned you John, you just couldn't leave him alone. You just had to carry on your little love tryst, even though I told you that he would be your downfall. Pretty boys are never safe, especially pretty boys who are supposed to be straight."

"I'm right here you know," David countered, "you can talk to me too."

"Yes, I know," Phil looked at David and licked his lips, "good thing you are such a hit with the fans and thus the network brass or I'd toss your sexy little ass off the show too or make you do something to earn your keep. Now be good little actors and get those lines memorised, we begin shooting tomorrow."

Phil turned on heel and marched off, David looked at me and back at Phil; "maybe I should go talk to him..." he started.

"No, don't," I sighed, "he wants one of us to beg to keep me on, he is getting off on this. Don't give him more ammunition."

"Are you going to be OK?" David asked sitting down on the table in front of me.

"Depends."

"On what?" 

"Am I forgiven for my asshole behaviour last night? I mean are we OK?" I asked, taking his hands in mine.

"I don't know," David stood up, and stepped out of my grasp, "I wish I could say yes, but there was a moment last night when you really scared me. I would like to be your friend John, not just your lover. Do you think that is at all possible?"

"Great," I sighed, "first I lose my job and then my lover. This day is just stellar."

"So that's it?" he leaned in, put his hand on my cheek and searched my face with his eyes, after a moment he straightened up and turned away, "Well, that's too bad, I think you and I could have been something. I never expected you to just give up." 

With that David walked out of the room and back into the rehearsal hall, joining the others.

Somehow I got through rehearsal, but David made sure to never be alone with me, and my calls to him went unanswered, a few times I was tempted to stop by his flat, but I pictured having to plead to his intercom and I didn't have the heart to do so. It wasn't until we actually started filming that I had a chance to talk to him. 

I caught up with David just as we were getting ready to film the first scenes. Again wardrobe had out done themselves and the tight fitting suit he had on hugged his body in a way that made me both very appreciative and slightly jealous. 

"You never returned my calls," I stood next to him, watching him reviewing his lines.

He barely looked at me, "what would be the point? I thought you made yourself pretty clear."

"I was having a really bad day, and I'm sorry I took that out on you..." I started, but before I could continue he walked away, just leaving me there.

After my scenes were done for the day, I waited for him at his trailer. When he saw me his face grew grim and he tried to walk past me without acknowledging my presence, but I was in no mood to be ignored. "You can't keep avoiding me," I announced, following him into the trailer.

"I can see that," he replied, and took off the suit jacket, loosened the tie and sat down to remove his shoes, "what is it you want from me, John?"

"I love you David. And I know I've hurt you, and you have no reason to trust me, but I love you with all my heart."

He undid the shirt, slipped it off and placed in on a hanger, "and that's supposed to be enough?"

"It's what I have." I answered.

"It's been a long, tiring day, I desperately want a shower and to get into my own clothes, and a drink, and to go to bed, in that order." David sighed, running his fingers through his hair causing the gelled strands to stand straight up. He walked to the door, opening it and gestured for me to leave, so I did.

When he emerged from his trailer, I was waiting. When he saw me standing there, he barely suppressed a laugh, "you are persistent, I will give you credit for that."

"Let me at least buy you a drink," I offered.

"Just one drink," he agreed, he slipped his jacket on "so where are we going?"

"I thought we could go back to my place," I suggested, as we walked toward the main road.

David took a deep breath, "no, sorry. That's out of the question."

"You don't want to be alone with me," I sighed, "is that it?"

"This is a bad idea," David countered, "forget it. I'm going home. Good night John."

"Why do you keep running away from me?" I challenged, grabbing his arm to stop him.

"Why do you keep chasing me?" he shot back.

"I love you!" 

"You really have to stop saying that," David replied, almost pleading. Then he yanked his arm out of my grasp, and broke into a half run, half walk, "just leave me alone!" 

As he reached the main road, and hailed a cab I caught up to him, putting my hand on his shoulder, "David, please, just listen to me..."

"I said leave me alone!" He whipped around, landing a solid punch to my jaw knocking me to the ground; he stood over me eyes blazing. Then before I could recover my breath, he got into the cab and sped away.

The next day's filming was to be my last; my big death scene was coming up. David had no scenes that day, so I knew he wouldn't be there. I had spent most of the night trying to figure out what had gone so wrong with us, as a result I looked like death already, so very little make up would be needed.




Now Starring Ch. 05



As I arrived I was handed some more pink sheets, I flipped to page 6 and my jaw hit the floor. Instead of being killed my character was going to be shot, but live. I read the scene over and over again trying to figure out if I was just hallucinating. 

I sought Phil out and found him talking to Mollie. "Thank you, but why the change of heart?" I asked him. 

Phil motioned for Mollie to go away and then leaned in with a smile, "You really shouldn't be thanking me."

"What do you mean?"

"So you don't know?" he laughed.

"I really don't," I was massively confused, "how about enlightening me?"

"You mean you didn't send your precious little David to use his charms on me?" Phil leaned back regarding me with a smirk, "Well, your boyfriend came to me begging me to spare your character's life." 

"Keep talking..." 

"And we made a deal."

"Which was?" I countered, half knowing the answer already.

"Let's just say I can see why you are so smitten, he's got a lovely mouth, you trained him well, and the rest of him ain't too bad either...if a bit skinny." Phil leered, "he is well on his way to being a good little bottom, don't you think?"

My heart felt like it stopped beating in my chest, I closed my eyes trying to clear Phil's words from my mind's eye. 

"I don't know how you did it, stud, but he really loves you," Phil continued, a strange envious quality creeping into his voice, "enough to sleep with me to save you, that's damn impressive." 

The minute the day's filming ended I went to see David, I arrived at the same time as another resident so I didn't have to get buzzed in. When I got to David's door my knocking went unanswered, on a whim I tried the latch and found it unlocked. There were no lights on despite the darkness, but the hall light was enough for me to make out David sitting on the floor next to the sofa, "I've been expecting you," he sighed, "you just don't take a hint do you?"

"No, I guess I don't," I agreed, "What are you doing?" 

"I wish I knew," he replied.

I flipped a light on, and sat down next to him, he didn't look at me at all just continued to stare at some distant point.

"How long have you been just sitting there?"

"What time is it?" 

"Half past eight." 

He was silent for a while obviously trying to do the math in his head, after a moment he shrugged, "a long time."

"I talked to Phil today..." I started, not sure where to go with that, "You didn't have to do that."

"Do what?" 

"Sleep with him..."

"There was no sleeping involved," David countered still staring into space, his voice totally emotionless.

"Are you OK? Did he hurt you?"

"What did he tell you happened?"

"He said that, well, you were a good little bottom..." I began.

David looked at me for the first time since I got there, "the honest truth is; he wouldn't know that unless you told him. He couldn't get it up."

"So what really happened?" 

"I went to talk to him about you, and he well, you can guess where he took that."

"Go on" I urged.

"I agreed to his terms, and then when it came time to follow through he couldn't, and I used that to my advantage and told him I'd keep that quiet if he wrote you back in."

"And that's all?" 

"Essentially, yes." 

"So why are you so upset?" I asked.

David looked away, and was silent for a moment, "in all my years in the business, I have never been put in the position of having to trade favours for a role. I just don't know who I am anymore."

"Is there anything I can do? Does it help you to know I love you?" I ventured.

"You keep saying that," he sighed.

I moved closer to him, taking his face in my hands, kissed him gently, when he didn't return the kiss I sat back and let him go, "do you love me?" 

"Do you really need me to answer that?" David fired back.

"Yes, I really do. Please." 

"The simple truth is; I do, more than I could have ever imagined I would..." he stood up, turning his back to me.

I stood up and put my hand on his shoulder, "then what is the problem?"

"The problem is you," he didn't turn around.

"What do you mean?"

"Before you jump to the wrong conclusions; it's not because you're a man. I never expected to find another man attractive but I was not repulsed by the idea. I was just surprised by it." 

"I am really trying to understand David, but I am very confused," I confessed.

"Now you know how I feel," he turned around and looked me in the eye, "sometimes I miss the simplicity of my life before all this happened. When I took this role, I didn't think it'd become such a hit. I thought it would be something different and maybe a steady income. I didn't expect to fall in love, and I certainly didn't expect that love to be you."

"Do you trust me?" I asked taking his hands in mine, pulling him closer to me.

"Probably more than I should," he attempted a smile but it never reached his eyes.

"I know this is all new to you, and I understand that you've had a lot happen all at once, but I am in for the long haul if you let me."

This time he genuinely smiled, his dark eyes lit up, "So, does this mean I'm stuck with you?"

"Only if you want to be." I leaned in, and kissed him.

He pulled back, "I don't think this is a good idea."

"All I want to do is hold you, nothing more," I took him by the hand and led him to the sofa, he took a seat and I settled down next to him, "I think you need a friend more than a lover right now."

After a few minutes of watching him just staring straight ahead in silence, I put my arms around him, "David, you can't hide behind your armour forever. You have to let someone in."

My touch seemed to bring him out of his private world and he relaxed in my arms and put his head on my shoulder, closing his eyes. I held him tighter to me and just enjoyed the sensation of his body close to mine. 

Without being conscious of it, my body reacted to his warmth in a fairly predictable fashion, it only became apparent when it became uncomfortable. I tried willing it to go down but was not terribly successful. 

Then David shifted in my arms and his hand brushed my thigh. With a laugh he sat back and opened his eyes, "nothing more, huh?"

"You have that effect on me." 

"What am I to do with you?" he smiled.

I smiled back, "I have a list."

His smile grew wider, and he shifted to where he was straddling my legs and put his arms around my neck pulling me to him, "shall we compare lists?" With that he kissed me, parting my lips with his and slipped his tongue into my mouth.

A few moments later he sat back, his breathing quite fast and just looked at me, saying nothing. 

"What is it?" I finally asked.

"I keep trying to figure this all out," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Maybe you're over thinking things," I pulled him back to me and ran my hands under his shirt stroking his back and shoulders, and kissed him deeply, hoping to squelch any lingering doubts. After a bit I broke off and gently lifted him off of me, "I have an idea, I'll be right back."

When I came back into the room David watched my every move, still remaining silent. I sat back down next to him on the sofa, and began to undress him as I rained kisses on his mouth and neck. Then I pulled off my clothes as best I could without taking my mouth off of him. 

This time when he straddled me, I took the lube I had stuck in my pocket and greased up and lowered him onto me. As I entered him he locked his knees around mine and pushed himself down on me. He was still for a moment, and then he raised himself up almost totally off of me and then with a rush buried me deep within him again. 

I let him set the pace, at first he was slow and deliberate, then when I took his cock in my lubed up hands and stroked him in time with his movements, he sped up, throwing his head back, eyes tightly closed. When he reached his climax, I took over thrusting up into him with such force that each upstroke lifted him off his knees. When I felt my orgasm building I shift to him on his back and me on top, and locked my arms around him, pinning him to me. After the final spasm had passed I pulled out, still keeping him under me, our bodies slick with sweat, both of us trying to catch our breaths.

David broke the silence, "I think you're right." He breathed.

"About what?" 

"Maybe I am over thinking things."

"And what are you thinking now?" I joked.

"I'm thinking that I love you, very much." He replied.

"I love you, too." I smiled and kissed him tenderly and rolled to my side off of him, this time he didn't jump up and hit the shower, he turned on his side spooning me to him, and I wrapped my arms around him. In a few minutes he dozed off and I followed soon after. 

As I fell asleep I pictured Phil standing there watching us, seething. I hate to admit it but that felt really, really good because for this round, in this moment, David was mine. I had won. 



Now Starring Ch. 06



In what seemed like only a few minutes later, I woke up with a start. My arms were empty, I had been covered with a blanket and I was alone. I sat up and looked around for David but he was nowhere to be seen. 

I pulled on my trousers and searched for David, eventually finding him sitting out on the balcony drinking coffee and watching the sunrise.

"Do you ever sleep?" I asked.

"Not a lot," he smiled at me and handed me a cup and filled it from the carafe on the small table next to him. "Isn't it beautiful?" he gestured towards the horizon.

I could see the sun's early light reflected in his dark eyes, and it seemed more beautiful than anything I had ever seen before. But I couldn't help but notice the dark circles that were beginning to form under them, "you barely sleep, you hardly eat, what is it that keeps you going?" I sat down in the chair opposite him and took a sip of the coffee.

"Lots of black coffee," he laughed, then he set his cup down, and gathered his robe tighter around him, "it's a bit chilly this morning."

"Why don't you come inside and I'll warm you up?" I offered, placing my hand on his arm and stroking the soft material that covered it.

"Nice thought, but I have to be at the studio by seven," he stood up, drained the last of his coffee and opened the patio door, "you don't need to rush though. Stay as long as you want."

"David, please wait a moment..."

He turned back towards me a slight frown on his face, "what is it?" 

I wanted to tell him that he needed to take care of himself, or let me take care of him, or something to let him know that I was worried about him, but the look on his face made those words stop in my throat. Instead I joked, "I didn't get a kiss from you."

His frown quickly turned to a smile, he walked back to me kissed me on the lips, briefly, and then said, "that will have to do for now. Please lock up when you leave." And then he disappeared into the flat.

When I was alone I decided to do a bit of snooping. I fought the guilt as I looked around, but I told myself I was just trying to get a better understanding of David. He was not very forthcoming when it came to talking about himself, and I reasoned that this might help me get to know him better. His closet was organised to the point of being a bit scary; all his shirts were hung neatly and arranged by colour, as were the dress trousers and the suits. His shoes were lined up almost as if he used a ruler and on the shelves were neat piles of jumpers. His chest of drawers was again exceedingly neat, and held no surprises. 

Finding nothing of great interest in his bedroom, I wandered into the bathroom and I opened the medicine cabinet. Tucked behind the shaving crème and after-shave were a neat row of prescription bottles, I recognised a couple of them, one being a garden-variety decongestant and the other being ibuprofen to be taken as needed. The others I had to jot down on a piece of paper off a tablet I found in his bedroom next to the phone, with the idea of looking them up later.

I had no scenes that day so I used David's shower to wash up and then headed home. I fired up my computer and searched on the names of the drugs I had written down, the first one turned out to be a motion sickness pill, frequently prescribed for people going on ocean cruises according to the website I found. Nothing terribly exciting, I mused, and typed in the next one. The next one turned out to be a fairly heavy-duty sleeping pill, given how many there were left in the bottle, explained why David didn't sleep much, he obviously wasn't taking them. 

It wasn't until I got to the last one that I was rocked back on my heels. I read the words on the screen and sat back in my chair. I closed my eyes trying to picture how many pills were in the bottle, did it look dusty? Was he still taking them or, like the sleeping pills, had he given up on them? David's rapid mood swings, his hyper activity, and everything else I had carefully avoided dwelling on made sense. 

I spent the rest of the morning and afternoon trying to figure out how to approach the subject with David. If I came right out with it, I would have to admit to sneaking around behind his back and snooping where I shouldn't have been. A part of me wished I had just minded my own business and left well enough alone. But on the other hand, his health was important to me, I wanted him in my life for a long time. I knew what time he would be done filming so I headed over to the set and waited for him at his trailer.

Eventually David appeared, "you look like you've seen a ghost" he joked as he opened the door and stepped inside. 

"After you left, I went looking for some aspirin, for a headache I felt coming on," I lied, sitting down on the chair while he started to change out of his costume into his own clothes.

He didn't react, just slipped off the suit jacket and hung it up. He had gotten the shirt mostly unbuttoned and turned to look at me expectantly, "and?" he prompted, and turned back to the task at hand.

"I couldn't help but notice the prescription bottles," I ventured.

"Yes, well, if I had really not wanted you to see them I would have hidden them John. I know you're a nosy bastard," He slipped off the suit trousers, hung them up and stood before me only in his pants and vest, "so where is this all going?"

"I am just concerned about you..." I faltered, not being able to say what I really wanted to with him staring at me, his face totally still and the cold look in his eyes.

"Gee, thanks. I don't know how I got on all these years without that," he slipped on his jeans and sat down to put on his shoes, "OK now that you have come to say what you wanted to say, you can go now. I'm sure that your discoveries have put things in a new light and that's not the first or last time that has happened."

I watched him finish dressing my mind racing with everything I wanted to say, but nothing came out of my mouth until he slipped on his jacket and started to leave the trailer, "David, wait!" I called to him. He stopped, and put his hands in his pockets, but said nothing. I took a deep breath, "I just wish you trusted me enough to tell me these things."

A wry grin played on his face, "it's not something that comes up in a normal conversation. When would you suggest I work that in? 'Hi, I'm David, I'm an Aries and I like long walks on the beach, watching sunrises, holding hands and...' seriously John, it would send people screaming..."

I couldn't help but smile, "you're right, the 'long walks on the beach' would scare anyone off."

"Exactly!" he gave a little half smile back, then his face grew serious, "I appreciate your concern, but this is something I've been dealing with most of my life, and I'm fine."

"You're not fine, have you seriously looked at yourself lately? You're far too skinny, you hardly sleep and if I don't miss my guess you aren't taking the medications are you?"

He turned away from me for a moment and then turned back leaning in just inches from my face, "here's something to think about John; I don't need another father, I have one already. If you want to be my lover, my friend, then you are just going to have to trust me. If you can't then I don't want or need you in my life."

"I can't worry about you?" I replied.

"Yes, of course you can, and lord knows I can't stop you, but this is not up for discussion. I don't want your advice. I don't need your pity or that way you are looking at me like I'm some sort of specimen on a slide. I had to put up with that from my own family growing up and I won't have it now, not from you or anyone else!" With that he started to walk away, but before he got out of earshot he turned back, "by the way, the aspirin was in the kitchen, right on the counter top, you couldn't have missed it."

I just stood there watching him walk away from me. 

"I told you he was damaged goods," I heard from behind me. I turned to see Phil with a smirk on his face.

"You knew this all along, and you didn't tell me?" I turned to face him.

"You bet I knew it, you know we have to get medical exams and histories on all our actors. For instance, I know how often you get an HIV test and how many times Mollie's had cosmetic work done. I tried to warn you, John." Phil patted me on the shoulder, "Your sweet little David is a loony, he's usually a well-medicated loony so you'd never know, but have you ever noticed his wrists? Check it out some time. He tried to top himself when he was sixteen. I've paid a lot to keep that out of the press." 

"Well, he isn't 16 now..." I argued.

"Yes, but he's still a loony."

I grabbed him by the collar of his jacket lifting him off his feet, pulling him up to my eye level, "stop calling him that! So he has problems, we all do, but he's a very nice person and he doesn't deserve your scorn!" I hissed, "I still love him and I think you're just jealous, because David loves me!"

"Suit yourself," Phil twisted out of my grasp, "I wish you all the luck in the world John, I mean that from the bottom of my heart, but just in case I'd hide all the sharp knives."

His smirk made my fists itch, I really wanted to punch him, but I took a deep breath and willed my self to calm down, "he is more of a man than you could ever be, Phil. And there is nothing in the world you could say or do to make me change the way I feel for him."

That night, after I returned to my flat, my words to Phil echoed in my head. I really wanted to believe that knowing what I now knew didn't change my feelings for David, but was it the truth?

In a moment of painful clarity it hit me that I was so in love with the idea of being in love with him that I had built him up to an ideal, that was so unfair, that finding out he was only human after all was a disappointment. 

I closed my eyes and replayed our last encounter in my head. I saw the way David looked at me, his dark eyes showing his vulnerability; wanting me to say it was OK, that I still loved him, even though he acted as if it didn't matter. Why didn't I tell him then? What held me back? 

I opened my eyes and without thinking reached for the phone, and began dialing his number, it rang once and then I hung up. This was not something I could do over the phone, I reasoned. I need to see his face. 

I stood up and got to the door, but what if he wouldn't see me? I pictured standing outside his flat talking to thin air. My indecision froze me in place, so when a knock came on my door the sound made my heart jump in my chest.

I opened the door to a small dark man holding a package for me, I recognised the uniform as being a local courier's firm, but was puzzled as to who would be sending me something at this hour. Inside was the green hoodie I had lent David, held it to my face, hoping to get his scent when a note fell out. It read, "this time I have a corsage." 

I puzzled over that one; it was obviously from David but the words made no sense at first, then it hit me. I ran out of my flat, hailed a cab and hoped I was right.

I got to the bar and tried to peer inside before going in, hedging my bet, but the years of cigarette smoke had made the already dark windows even darker. I stepped inside my eyes scanning the bar and not seeing David I turned to leave. One of the barmen stopped me, and without a word handed me a see-through box that contained a single orchid and some green fronds pierced by a large pin. Attached to the small box was another note, this one just said, "look behind you."

I turned to see David standing there, without a word he took the box from me, opened it and pinned the corsage to my shirt. Then he stood back, cocked his head at me, gave me a sly smile and then turned to walk towards a booth in the back of the bar. I followed him and took the seat opposite.

"Are you going to say anything?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"I don't think that corsage is really you..." he laughed.

I looked down at it, then back at him, "it's the first one I've ever gotten, I'll treasure it forever."

David leaned forward, his chin resting in his hands, "so now what?"

"What do you mean?" I stalled.

He sat back, looking down at the table and folded his hands on the tabletop, and said nothing for a while, "you know what I mean." He finally said, still not looking up.

I put my hands on his, "it doesn't change anything. I still love you, but you have to understand that I will be concerned, I will want to help you; I will want to see if I can get some meat on those bony ribs of yours. I can't separate wanting to care for you from loving you. You can't keep pushing me away; you can't keep running from that, David. It's a package deal."

He slid out of my grasp, ran his hands through his hair, and took a deep breath, but remained silent, then with a sudden movement that took me by surprise he slid out of the booth and took off at a fast walk to the door. 

I sat in stunned disbelief, trying to figure out my next move, when the voice in my head screamed at me to get off my ass and catch up with him. I did just as he was stepping into a taxi, throwing myself in next to him and accidentally knocking him against the side of the cab. 

The cab driver heard David's head hit the window and turned to around, "this man bothering you, love?" he queried.

David straightened up and rubbed his head before replying, "constantly, but I'm getting used to that."

The driver hesitated but pulled away from the curb without another comment.

David moved as far away from me as he could in the small confines and then ignored me as if I wasn't there until we were a block or so from his place, then he sighed and turned towards me, "I guess this isn't the best place to be saying this, but here goes; go away, leave me alone and just generally fuck off."

I could see the cab driver's eyebrows rise at that but he kept his eyes on the road. 

"My answer would have to be no." I countered.

"To which one?" David shot back.

"All of them." 

The cab eased to the curb, David paid the man and got out on his side, never stopping to see if I was behind him. Even though he was only slightly taller than me, his long strides left me breathless trying to keep up with him. I could tell he desperately wanted to pretend I wasn't there but he did hold the door to his flat open longer that he would have needed to just get himself inside. 

He hung up his jacket and went into the kitchen and drank a glass of water before acknowledging my presence. "Why won't you just leave me alone?" he sighed.

"You don't really mean that," I smiled, moving in to circle his waist in my arms.

"Yes, I do." He replied, but made no move to escape my embrace.

"What are you afraid of?" 

"Moths, or really any flying insect that isn't a butterfly, people with too many facial tattoos or piercings, and anything in jelly that isn't fruit," David blurted out with a short laugh.

I tried not to laugh but failed miserably, his mood switch ploy had worked, I lost track of what I was going to say next, after I caught my breath I let him go and sat down in one of the chairs. 

He sat down opposite me, "after I wrap up filming tomorrow, I have six weeks off. I am going to go home for a bit, I think some time away from each other will be good for us. I am hoping it will give us the chance to figure out what this really all means. Is it really what we want? Or did we get caught up in the moment?"

"So I can't contact you for six weeks?" 

"If you really need to you can email me or call me, but I think it's best if you only do that if it's an emergency."

I felt a curious mixture of emotions, a sense of abandonment, anger at being given no notice of his plans, and a feeling of dread. Six weeks sounded like forever, "Would missing the hell out of you be considered an emergency?"

"No," he countered, "I will miss you too, but I have to do this. For my own sanity, and clarity of mind."

The anger bubbled up, replacing hurt as the key emotion, "I'm just supposed to wait for you? What if I find someone else in those six weeks?"

He gave me a half smile, "then I'd let you go with my blessing. It'll be my loss and someone else's gain. I don't expect you to wait for me; I can't make you do that, it has to be what you want to do. But my mind's made up, I need to do this."

"How are you getting to Scotland?" I asked.

"I'm taking the train, I like the seeing the countryside and it'll give me time to relax," David leaned in and put his hand on my cheek, his long fingers cool against my face, "we still have tonight, you're welcome to stay if you want."

"Are you suggesting a pity fuck?" I snapped.

David sat back hard against the chair, my words seeming to hit him like a slap in the face, "I know you're upset with me, and I'm truly sorry for that. But if you really think that little of me then you've already given me your answer." 

"I'm sorry too. I just am really going to miss you," I took a deep breath, "I'd like to stay tonight."

He leaned forward, a trace of a scowl on his face, "only if you promise to behave." 

"What good would that be?" I teased.

"I meant control your tongue," he countered.

I knew what he meant but was not going to let that stop me. Instead I pulled him to me and smiling at his serious expression, and gave him a long lingering kiss, with plenty of tongue action. After a while I pulled back, "See how well I control that?"

David took a deep breath before answering, "yes, very impressive."

In his bedroom David started to undress but I laid him back on the bed, and stretched out next to him, just holding him in my arms. I let him relax before kissing him again, I wanted him to remember this, think of this night when he was in Scotland. I wanted him to ache for my touch as badly as I knew I would ache for his.

I rolled over on my back pulling him on top of me as I moved, and I slowly began to unbutton his shirt. I stopped half way and fastened my mouth on one of his nipples, wetting the fabric and pulling hard. My hands were not idle they stroked his back in time with my suckling and I could feel him grow hard and his breath on my neck came in ever faster bursts. 

I left off his nipple and finished undoing his shirt, pulled it open and ran the tips of my nails along his spine, and kissed him deeply. As my fingers hit his shoulders he shuddered slightly and he sat back on my knees, breaking contact with my mouth. 

David threw off his shirt and started to undo his belt, but I took his hands in mine and held them behind his back with one hand while the other hand cupped him. As I rubbed the fabric of his jeans against him and he made half moaning, half sighing sound deep in his throat, and closed his eyes.

Still holding his hands behind his back I used my free hand to unzip his jeans and reached inside to stroke my hands on the small of his back and lower, he opened his eyes, the light reflecting off them seemed to be shooting fire at me. Then he freed his hands and rolled over on his back, breathing hard, "please? Now?" he panted.

"I want to make this last," I insisted.

"I'm going to explode," he protested, a half smile on his face.

"Good," I smiled back and straddling him pulled him against me, my pelvis grinding against his, and kissed him again.

When I was sure he was back under my spell, I let him go to undress myself, his dark brown eyes watched my every move as I peeled off my clothes Then when I was done I finished undressing him. He made a move to take my cock in his hands but I moved out of his reach, gently laid him back and slid down to take him into my mouth. As I did I moistened one finger and slid it inside him. I could feel him grow in my mouth as I moved the finger in and out. 

I slowly took him all the way into my throat, then released him completely and repeated for a few minutes, until I could tell he was just on the edge of orgasm, then I stopped. I could feel him shake from the need to find release but I wasn't ready to grant him that yet. Instead moved him to his side spooned up against him and slowly ran my cock along the crack of his ass. I alternated this with lightly kissing his neck and running my hand along his chest, feeling the soft hairs that grew there.




Now Starring Ch. 06



As my need began to outweigh my self-control, I lubed up and pulling him tighter to me, entered him slowly. I reached around and took him into my hand and pumped him in time with my thrusts. I could feel him tense up again, his orgasm building apace with mine, I sped up and came only a few seconds after he did. I thrust a few more times into him before rolling over on my back, disengaging us. 

David just lay on his side, immobile, and seemingly unable to move for a few minutes. Then with a sigh he rolled over on his back and ran his hands through his hair, taking a deep breath.

I laid my head on his chest, my ear over his heart and he smiled down at me, "are you really going to stay the whole night?" I nodded, then he looked at the ceiling and back down at me, "I am going to need more vitamins."

After a bit we both fell asleep, I woke up some time later, surprised to find David still in my arms, sound asleep. He was on his back with one arm over his head, the other around my shoulder, and completely dead to the world. I watched him for a few minutes then decided it was time for another round. I announced my intention by straddling him and waking him soft kisses and teasing his cock with my fingers. 

I could tell he was awake when he groaned, "what time is it?"

I glanced at the bedside clock, "a bit past four."

He opened his eyes and looked at the clock too, "I'm going to look like hell in the morning..."

"But you look stunning now," I teased, and silenced his protests with my kisses, moving my hands to stroke him with the same rhythm as my tongue played across his. As soon as he gave himself over to the sensations I lubed up and with one hard thrust pushed myself inside him. The suddenness of it made him take a deep breath. 

This time I was almost brutal in my taking of him. I pulled out and rammed myself back in so hard he had to push his hands against the wall behind the bed, to stop his head from hitting it each time I thrust home. He closed his eyes and bit down on his lower lip but he made no move to stop me. 

As my orgasm hit, I lifted his hips off the bed and slammed into him convulsively. I was aware enough to know he hadn't come, so I stayed in him and taking him in my spit moistened hands brought him to orgasm, as I grew soft inside him.

My eyes grew heavy almost immediately, but I was dimly aware of him watching me silently as I fell asleep, and I wondered what he was thinking. 

The sun was up by the time I swam back up to consciousness, David was gone and there was a fresh pot of coffee waiting for me. I showered, drank a few cups and made my way to the studio to catch up with him. I knew that the filming was going to wrap up early and before leaving his flat I noticed he had packed a couple of suitcases and his train ticket was on the counter.

I waited at his trailer and when he saw me, he smiled, "I didn't expect a welcoming committee" he laughed, "what are you doing here?'

"I wanted to take you to the train station, see you off." 

"That's not necessary," he started.

"I know, but I want to," I stopped him.

He quickly changed out of his wardrobe and into his own clothes, and we caught a taxi back to his flat. I waited in the car while he gathered his stuff and came back down, trying to think of a way to convince him not to leave, to spend his time off with me, but the words flying around my head refused to form a coherent sentence, let alone a convincing argument.

When he came back to the taxi, we rode to the train station in silence. David already felt like he was miles away and the gap left by his absence felt like a hole in my chest. We unloaded the taxi at the station and I walked him to the platform.

As the announcement for boarding came over the p.a. I took his hands in mine, "please stay." Was all I could come up with, my voice cracking like I was only fourteen. 

"As tempting as that is, and it is very, I can't," he shook his head, "I need this, I need to go see family and just be a regular human being for a while."

"Six weeks?" I protested, taking his hands in mine.

"It'll fly by, I promise you," with that he pulled out of my grasp, picked up his cases and walked to the train.

I wanted to call after him, tell him I loved him but the words stuck in my throat. I watched him disappear into the body of the train, and stood on the platform hoping to catch another glimpse of him as the train pulled out of the station. It wasn't until the train was so far down the tracks that I couldn't make it out anymore that my feet came unglued from their spot and I was able to leave.

As I rode in the taxi home, the sound of my heart pounding in my ears reminded me of a train on a track, taking my love with it. 



Now Starring Ch. 07



A special thank you goes to JD for all your help editing and your support-BJB

------------

The minute I stepped aboard the train I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I could think clearly for the first time in what seemed like forever. I had almost given in to John's plea to stay in London, I saw his pain, but knowing that I was the cause of it made my resolve even stronger. I justified it by reasoning that I kept hurting him, and he needed a break from me. 

Time away, time alone, time to think, sounded so sweet, and god knows was so necessary.

As I gazed out the window I reflected on the strange events that had led me to this place in my life. The new show, the sudden fame, and a new love all seemed to hit me at once. I was not ready for celebrity and even less to be in love and be loved by another man. 

The sexual aspect still surprised me; I had never really been attracted to men, but John different. There was something both familiar in his touch, and yet exotic, and exciting. Each time we made love it I was not prepared for how natural, how good and how right it felt. Yet still, there was another part of me, the part that was still the good little son of a pastor, the side of me that felt ashamed, and some how less of a man for wanting that to continue.

When I planned my getaway it seemed like the best idea. Go back to where I began and see if that changed things. But now as the train got closer and closer to Scotland the plan seemed very flawed. 

What the hell was I thinking? 

The urge to turn back, to run back to John's arms, and away from my looming family and all the associated drama made my heart race. I took a deep breath; pushing the panic down that was threatening to choke me.

In an effort to get out of my own head I wandered down to the dining car. There were only a handful of people nursing drinks, so I took a table towards the back of the car and ordered a pot of tea. Sitting in the dining car, sipping the hot, strong tea I watched the passing countryside and let my mind wander. It's funny how something as simple as the ritual of having tea could make everything seem right in the world.

But of course it wasn't. 

The last of the tea was gone and the fugue state that I had fallen into was broken by the realisation that there was someone trying to get my attention. I heard someone clear their throat again, and I looked up to see a woman standing next to the table. She smiled and slid into the chair opposite me. "I'm sorry for the intrusion," she explained, shrugging out of her jacket, "but the car is full up, this is the only empty seat."

Strange...it seemed just minutes ago the place was practically empty, I guess I had been off in la la land for quite a while because true to her description, the dining car was very full.

She took a drink from her glass and regarded me, "you do talk right?"

"Yes, sorry," I forced a smile, "hi, I'm David."

"I'd have to have been under a rock to not know who you are," she smiled very widely, "I'm Elissa. But don't worry I won't ask you for your autograph."

I didn't exactly know what to say next, so I played with my empty teacup for a moment.

"Do you read tea leaves?" she inquired after a bit.

"Yes."

"And what are they saying?" she leaned forward trying to peer into my cup.

"That I appear to be out of tea." 

She seemed to find that massively funny, her clear unabashed laughter rang through the dining car, causing a few people to look our way, after a while she gestured, "wait there" and came back with a full pot of tea.

"If I drink all that I won't blink for hours and I will be in danger of floating away," I protested.

"Blinking is overrated, and I can hold you down so you'll stay put," she quipped, then turned a lovely shade of red, "that didn't quite come out the way I meant it."

We were silent for a moment, then Elissa leaned in, "you really aren't what I'd expected."

"How do you mean?" 

"Well, you are really the first real celebrity I've ever met. I thought you'd be snooty and above talking to little ol' me," she pointed a finger at herself, "but you seem to be a regular bloke. Aside from not trying to pull me, that is."

"I have never been suave enough to have a good pick up line, so you're out of luck there," I joked.

"I doubt you need one," she laughed and then picked up her glass, "remember when I said I wouldn't ask for your autograph?"

"Yes."

"Well, I lied. I have a niece who just happens to think you're 'dreamy' and I'm on my way to see her, if you could sign something for her, I'd really appreciate it."

"I'd be happy to, I don't think I've ever been called dreamy before," I laughed. Then it struck me, here I was only one hour out of London and oh my god, I'm flirting with this woman I just met. I pictured John's face scowling at me and vowed to cool it, "how old is your niece?"

"She's fourteen."

I could see over Elissa's shoulder people queuing to get a seat in the dining car, so I used that as excuse to get away from her, "thank you for the tea, it's been a pleasure."

I got back to my seat and tried to lose myself in a book, I had just gotten into it when Elissa took the seat across from me, "don't worry I'm not a stalker," she joked, "I'm just here to collect on that autograph. Remember? For my niece? Her name is Chrissie." 

With that she pulled out a small notebook and flipped it out, and handed me a pen, "I wish I had a photograph for you to autograph instead, she'll never believe this."

"You said you were on your way to visit her?" I asked, taking the notebook from her and wrote 'to Chrissie, with love' before scribbling my name and handing it back, "does she live in Glasgow proper?"

"Actually she's meeting me, well my brother and her, at the train station." Elissa carefully folded the piece of paper and slipped it into her purse.

"I'm not in any real hurry, I could say hi to her if you want me to." I replied, fully aware that I was stepping back into flirting mode, but I couldn't stop myself. Or, rather, didn't want to.

"That would be lovely!" Elissa exclaimed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course." 

"I promise to leave you alone until we get to the station," she stood to leave.

"Only if you want, but not on my account, I can always read this later." I put the book back in my duffel bag. 

The rest of the trip was a few attempts at conversation that trailed off, followed by some awkward silence, which in a way was reassuring to me. I felt disloyal to John for even flirting with someone else, and the fact that no spark was seemingly apparent made me feel less of a jerk.

When we arrived at the station I gathered my things and waited for the crowd to thin a bit before attempting to disembark. Elissa went on ahead and I lost her in the rush of people. I was just about to give up trying to find her when I heard a loud shriek just off to my left. I turned to see a young blonde girl, bearing a very strong resemblance to Elissa staring at me and bouncing up and down pulling on her father's sleeve.

I walked over to her, "Are you Chrissie?"

She wobbled on her feet and then looked at her father, her eyes growing really wide, but said nothing.

Her father eyed me carefully, and then extracting himself from her tight grasp turned to her, "answer the man Chrissie..."

Elissa joining us saved Chrissie from having to say anything, "Chrissie, do you know who this is?"

Chrissie looked at me, and then nodded rapidly. 

"Are you going to say anything?" Elissa continued.

Her mouth opened a few times, but nothing but a little half squeak came out. It was really hard not to laugh but I managed, "I heard you were a big fan, I've been looking forward to meeting you." 

Elissa did nothing to contain her amusement, "Chrissie, I'm sure David has someplace he needs to be."

That seemed to trigger something in the girl because she leapt forward grabbed me in a tight hug and yelled loudly enough for the dead to hear her, "I love you!" and then she ran off to the women's loo at high speed.

Elissa followed after her. Chrissie's dad, who up until then had been watching me like I was about to rape his daughter, burst out in gales of laughter and tears sprang to his eyes as he doubled over holding his stomach. 

I thought about making a quick exit and had started to do so when Chrissie's dad stopped me; "if you're not in a hurry I think you deserve a drink," he gestured towards the women's room, "She has all the mags, posters and that stuff of you from that show, and I think you just made her day, if not her decade."

"I really should get going; I'm expected, but thank you for the offer." I picked up my bags and was waiting at the taxi stand when Elissa came out of the station, handed me a slip of paper without a word, turned and went back in.

As I settled into the taxi, I unfolded slip and found her full name and phone number written on it. I knew I should just toss it, going down that path was a slippery slope, but instead I tucked it into my jacket pocket, daring myself to resist the temptation.

When I arrived at my destination I paid the driver and just stood there gazing at the house. I had spent most of my childhood years in this place but it seemed like another world. I looked up at the window of the bedroom that used to be mine, remembering gazing out at the world as I dreamt about getting out of there, getting as far away as possible. 

After my mom died my dad became convinced that somehow his slight wavering of faith when it was announced she was terminal was a slight against God himself. By then my sister and brother were out of the house and it was just the two of us. I was barely twelve and my father had become so fire and brimstone in his grief that I couldn't express my own without incurring his wrath. 

As I stood on the sidewalk I remembered the nights of kneeling naked on the cold tile of the kitchen, trembling with the anticipation of that first blow. My dad circling me in ever closer orbit, his voice booming as he yelled the quote regarding sparing the rod, and knowing that he wouldn't. 

I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and reminded myself that those days were past. I was no longer a young boy. I now towered over my father, my height being a throw back to some unknown ancestor. The years and a new woman in his life had considerably mellowed him, but still there was that little trace of fear in me.

I must have been standing outside longer than I had realised because the front door flew open and my stepmother came rushing out arms spread wide ready to envelope me in one of her famous crushing hugs, "David! Charles, David's here!" 

I was almost bent double by her actions as she pulled me to her ample bosom, but I maintained my balance. After a decent length of time I extracted myself from her and straightened up and picking up my bags followed her into the house.

My dad was sitting in the front room, a cup of tea balanced on his knees; he barely looked my direction until the commercial break. "Fiona get the boy a cup of tea," he adjusted his glasses and patted the sofa next to him, "have a seat young man."

I put my bags down and sat next to him.

He looked at me a moment, "far too skinny if you ask me. Fiona? Don't you think he's too thin?" he called out towards the kitchen.

Fiona poked her head back in the room, "they say the camera adds ten pounds, Charles. He doesn't want to look fat."

That seemed to settle that discussion, and Fiona came back bearing a cup of tea drowned in crème and sludgy with sugar. I took a polite sip and then set the cup down. The conversation came to a dead halt as the programme came back on. Fiona sat on the edge of the sofa arm next to my dad and became engrossed in the show, too. I am not much into gardening shows so I gulped down the last of the tea, trying not to wince at its cloying sweetness and stood to remove my jacket. 

This action got my dad's attention and he looked up at me, "I've been watching that programme you're on. It's not too bad, though I read somewhere you have a poof on that show. He doesn't strike me as being 'light on his feet' but can't always tell with those types. I never thought this whole acting thing would pan out for you, I had wanted you to go into the church like your brother, as you know, far more respectable career."

Fiona's gaze drifted to me too, "Mrs. Whitney tapes you every Saturday. She keeps telling everyone she meets that she's changed your nappy."

I smiled at that, "luckily I'm house broken now."

My dad frowned at her, his hand reflexively opening and closing in a fist, "don't interrupt Fiona! Anyway, you do seem to be enjoying some success and that's good but don't let it go to your head. I would hate to see you get corrupted and be one of those show biz types, becoming a Nancy boy and getting up to all things at all hours."

Fiona waited, this time, until she was sure he was finished, then she patted his arm "David's a good boy, aren't you?" she smiled at me.

If you only knew, I thought. But instead I held my tongue.

Fiona stood up, "where are my manners? I suspect you'd like to get your things to your room and maybe a lay down before supper. Emily and her family are coming. Your room is ready for you. You know the way."

I gathered my things and went upstairs; I hesitated before opening the bedroom door, trying to remember what it used to look like. As I stepped inside the room the images faded and a pretty generic room, done in neutral colours, greeted me. It featured a large bed with a hand knitted cover in earth tones. Definitely not a boy's room any more, I mused, more like something out of "Country Living" magazine.

I hung up a few things, unpacked the rest and stretched out on the bed afterwards. The more I thought about this, the less this seemed like a good idea. Six weeks? My skin was already crawling thinking about spending the night, let alone six weeks.

As I settled in I heard my mobile beep. It was a message from John. I smiled as I read it, "I know you said only in an emergency," it read, "but I am so desperate that even Mollie is starting to look good."

I replied back, "you'll live." I lay back down and let my mind go blank. 

I dreamt of John, somehow he had followed me here, and in my dream he joined me on the bed. I felt his hands exploring me, his familiar weight resting on me, while his mouth was on mine. I reached out and cupped him and felt his hardness grow, feeling my body responding in kind. The dream carried on the point where he had slipped under the comforter and was unzipping my jeans, taking me into his warm wet mouth, when I was jolted awake by the feeling that I was being watched. 

I opened my eyes to see my sister standing in the doorway; she took my being awake as an invite to sit next to me on the bed. 

"Were you having a bad dream?" she asked, "because you were really breathing hard."

I sat up and hoped the comforter hid my arousal, "how long have you been here?"

"Not long, the kids and hubby are downstairs, I just thought I'd come see my baby brother." She took my hand in hers, "it's good to see you! You really should visit more often."

"The roads run both ways you know," I countered.

"When you have a family you can't always do what you want," She gave a half smile, "I was sent up here to fetch you, dinner's ready."

After she left I went in the bathroom, splashed some water on my face and patted the wilder hairs back into some semblance of order. 

The scene that greeted me in the dining room was like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting. My dad at the head of the table, Emily's husband and children were scattered around and Fiona bustling in carrying a platter piled high with food. An empty place was right next to my dad, obviously where I was meant to sit, so I did.

The activity stopped as my dad said grace; everyone bowed their heads and closed their eyes, I didn't, instead I took the opportunity to get a good look at everyone. Instead of them being familiar they seemed like strangers, it was an odd feeling, it was like seeing them all for the first time. 

During the meal conversation swirled around me, mostly about the weather, the children's activities and where my father wanted to go on holiday. I pretended to follow along; offering a banal comment here and there when prompted and that seemed to keep them satisfied. But really the whole time I just wanted to run screaming, I had a lightening bolt of realisation that I just didn't belong here anymore. It was hard to admit but aside from genetics I had nothing in common with any of these people.

Later on my sister motioned me to join her outside while she had a cigarette, "Where are you David?"

"Right here," I replied, a bit confused.

"Physically, but I think you are somewhere else in all other ways. You may have fooled everyone else but you were miles away at dinner." She took a long pull on her cigarette, "Martians could have landed in your mashed potatoes and you wouldn't have noticed."

"It may have added some flavour," I laughed.

"Fiona, bless. She can remove the taste from anything can't she?" She cracked a smile, "so tell me what brings you here? It can't be for the gourmet cooking?"

"Maybe I just missed all of you."

She shook her head slowly, "All right, that's a 'mind your own business Emily' isn't it?"

"Pretty much." 

"Are you dating anyone these days?" Emily asked after a few moments of silence.

"Sort of, I've been kind of going out with someone, but I'm not sure about the future of the relationship. That's really part of the reason I am here," I admitted, "it's complicated."

She studied me for a second, "you're running away from her?"

"No, that's not it, it's just...like I said, it's complicated."

Emily seemed to take that as the end of the conversation and headed back in. The air was growing cold and as I put my hands in my pocket, I found the piece of paper with Elissa's number on it. I knew I should have just thrown in away. I wasn't 24 hours away from John and I was contemplating calling up a strange woman for a date. 

I crumpled the paper up, determined to toss it over the edge of the decking into the mass of underbrush beyond it but my resolve faltered. Instead I smoothed it out on the railing and folded it back up and placed it in my pocket once more.

I was just about to go back inside when my mobile beeped again, it was another message from John. All it said was, "is it six weeks yet?" I had specifically asked him not to contact me unless it was an emergency, and I figured replying would just encourage him so I erased his text and went back in to join my family.

Since the next day was Sunday, the conversation inside turned to whether or not I'd be attending church with the family. As Fiona tried talking it up, my memories of wearing an itchy wool suit, a heavily starched collar and the sun streaming in through the church windows practically begging to be played in, yet there I was stuck inside. Because my father was the pastor I had to sit through both services and the seemingly eternal gathering afterwards every Sunday growing up. I firmly declined, and I must have looked resolute enough because all that met my declaration was some glares and thin-lipped expressions, but nobody said a thing.

Soon after Emily left I made my excuses and went to my room. I was both keyed up and totally exhausted, but wasn't quite sure why. I popped a sleeping pill and changed into my sleeping gear. As I got into bed, turning the lights out, I promised myself that I would give it a week; surely I could survive that with my sanity intact. Couldn't I?

I'm not sure if it was the sleeping pill, or my state of mind but my dreams were very disturbing. 

My first dream involved being in a field, in the distance was a farmhouse and somehow I was trying to reach it. I could barely make out a voice calling my name. I knew I had to reach the house before something bad happened but every step towards the house took me further from it. At one point the landscape shifted and it became an arid desert but it quickly shifted back to farmland. I crested hill after hill never got any closer. The house seemed to be running away from me.




Now Starring Ch. 07



The next dream was of hiding in some dark cave, the sound of approaching footsteps making my heart beat faster as they grew nearer. I knew that once I was discovered I was in big trouble but didn't know why or who was after me. Before the unseen menace could be revealed, suddenly I was back in my London flat. 

John was there dressed only in a smile and nothing else. He was fully erect and seemed larger than I had ever seen him before. I ran to him and he picked me up like I was a small child and carried me into my bedroom. He seemed to have more hands than the usual allotment humans have, and they were all over me. He crushed me to him as his many hands simultaneously tore at my clothes, probed my mouth, toyed with my hair and slid inside me, raising me to a fever pitch. 

After what seemed like forever he drove himself into me, that first initial pleasure of his entry giving quickly over to the feeling that he was made of fire and every place he touched me burned like molten steel. I struggled to escape his grasp, desperately trying to disengage him from me but he held me down. As he rocked in and out of me I could smell my flesh burning, and the pain was excruciating. I strained to push him off but my efforts didn't even disturb his rhythm. I held my hands up to my face as they burst into flames and I started to scream.

I bolted upright, still screaming, drenched in sweat and my heart beating a samba in my chest just as Fiona ran into my room.

"David, luv, you alright?" she sat on the edge of the bed, and put her hand on my shoulder.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you, I was just having a really bad dream." 

"Anything you want to talk about?" she offered.

"No, it's OK I'm fine, thanks."

"I know you and your dad haven't been close in too many years, but he was so excited when you said you were coming for a visit. He may be a grouchy old bear but he does love you." Fiona stood up and got to the doorway, then turned back, "I know I'm just your step mum but I love you just like you was my own." 

With that she shut the door. I waited until I heard her bedroom door shut before I got out of bed, I opened the window and sat next on the chair next to it the cold air cooling me down and gazed out at the stars. I was afraid to fall asleep again, knowing that even worse dreams waited for me just on the other side.

Sometime later, despite my efforts to stay awake, I fell asleep once more. The dream started out pleasant enough; I was lying in my bed, nestled in John's arms with my head on his chest. The lights were off except for the one in the hallway. I was just about to drift off when I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. I had just enough time to start to disentangle myself from John's embrace before my dad leapt into the room brandishing a petrol can dousing us and lighting John and I on fire. 

This time I felt no pain. I could see the flames consuming me and I could hear John's flesh sizzling in the heat and the sound of my father's laughter, but I couldn't move or make a sound as the fire roared in my ears. My father stood by the bed, smiling in a very self satisfied way and the last words I heard were, "now you can burn in hell too." 

As I jolted awake I could hear the church bells starting to ring in the distance, the sun trying to break through the clouds casting streaks of light on the street below. Somehow the bells made those words seem even more true. Maybe I was going to hell.

Or maybe I was already there.



Now Starring Ch. 08



I managed to get myself together and was enjoying my second cup of coffee by the time everyone returned from church. My brother, Michael, and his family were there too. Since there was such an age gap between him and me, I never really got to know him very well. For his part he still seemed to see me as a small child and not worthy of much regard, so the likelihood of us becoming best mates was pretty much out of the question.

Fiona bustled into the kitchen, "You're awake. Can I make you some breakfast? The rest of us have eaten already." 

"No thanks, I'm not much of a breakfast eater." I replied.

Michael regarded me over the rim of his glasses, "you don't look like you eat anything, full stop," he scoffed patting his own sizeable stomach, "good thing you weren't turned sideways or we'd never see you." With that he and the rest of the family, save my father, went into the front room.

"Your brother just found out that they are giving him his own parish. He is having a welcoming fete this Tuesday," my dad took a seat opposite me, and Fiona set a cup of tea in front of him, he said nothing for a while and then leaned in, "You will come of course."

Since it wasn't really a question I didn't feel the need to answer so he went on, "it's a proud moment and the family should be there to witness it."

"I'd be happy to attend," I lied, hoping I sounded sincere.

"You should have your lady friend come down from London to attend. It doesn't look good for a young man to go to these things stag, it's not right."

"I'm not really sure that's a good idea," I protested, as I flashed on the image of showing up to this fete arm and arm with John. The reaction of the people around me akin to when Godzilla attacked Tokyo, women in their church-going best pointing and screaming, men running in horror. The image made me laugh which got me deep frown from my dad.

"You will attend and you will bring a nice girl with you, I won't have you shaming the family!" he banged his fists on the table, making me jump. Then he stood up and came around behind me putting his hands on my shoulders squeezing tightly and making me wince, "you are still my son, and you're not too old to get the strap. I reckon I could still take you."

He let go and started to join the rest of the family but turned around for one more parting shot, "the Bible says; 'honour your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you'."

I could feel something snap in my head as I got up, and walked over to him raising myself up to my full height. I stood in front of him in silence for a few minutes. Then I leaned in and whispered in his ear, "it also says 'thou shalt not kill' so now both of us have something to think about, don't we?" 

He glared up at me, but I didn't lower my gaze and finally he stepped back and glanced away, then back at me, "are you threatening me?"

"I thought we were just quoting the Bible, but if you want to take it that way, go right ahead," I smiled at him.

The rest of the day my dad and I had an uneasy truce, he made sure to never be alone in a room with me and I pretended not to notice the occasion daggers he glared my way, or the offside comments about people not knowing their place anymore.

But the problem remained, I had committed to attending, and since John was out of the question, and I had no girlfriend waiting in the wings, who to bring was an issue.

That night after everyone had left, I went up to my room and grabbed Elissa's number out of my jacket pocket. After the fourth ring I had come to my senses and quickly disconnected the call. I started to put my mobile away when it began to ring.

"The number says unknown caller, should I be concerned?" Elissa asked.

"I would think that's a fair assessment," I replied, "I'm sorry to call so late, I just escaped the family and am currently hiding out."

"Are you a good at hiding?" she teased. 

"I'm an excellent hider, I won medals in primary school for hide and seek," I laughed "I may even be still playing a game from then for all I know."

"That is good! So what's on your mind, David?" 

"OK...hear me out. My brother is a pastor, and he's getting his own parish and this coming Tuesday is a big to-do for him and I need to bring a date. I can't guarantee it'll be fun, and I will understand if you say no, but if you do agree to go with me, I'll make it up to you."

"I'm impressed you got all that out in one breath," she laughed, "a church fete, huh? You sure know how to sweep a girl off her feet."

"Right. Never mind, it was a bad idea, sorry to bother you," I started to hang up.

"No, wait! I'd love to go."

"You'd love to?" I teased.

"Well, not 'love to' but I'd like to see you again, you've been on my mind since the train station," Elissa admitted, "my niece hasn't stopped talking about you so that may be why."

We made arrangements to meet on Tuesday, I jotted down her address and folded it together with her phone number and placed it back in my jacket pocket.

I could hear the sounds of my father and Fiona getting ready for bed, but I was not even remotely tired. I felt like a caged animal and needed to get out of the house for a while. Being Sunday not a lot of people were on the streets and most pubs shut early. I found a park and a bench and just gazed up at the stars for a while. 

Part of me felt really guilty for asking Elissa out on a date, but the other part of me reasoned that it was pretty unlikely to be a romantic evening, and the time I would spend alone with her would be next to nothing, so there would be no room for straying. Yet, in some other small part of the back of my mind, the idea of going out with someone new was strangely exciting.

Monday my dad and I carefully avoided each other. He went off to his club and I let Fiona show me off to her little old lady friends. By time we got back to house Dad was entrenched for the night in front of the TV. Fiona served his dinner on a tray while she and I talked in the kitchen over our meal.

By the time Tuesday came around I was a nervous wreck. I couldn't figure out why I agreed to attend this church function in the first place, let alone going with some woman I barely knew. Several times that day I considered taking the cowardly way out, just packing up and heading back to London without alerting anyone to my plans. But somehow that seemed too much effort, and so before I could act on my impulses it was time to pick Elissa up and take her to the fete.

I hadn't really planned on having to get dressed up during my visit, so I wound up wearing the only pair of non-jeans I had brought and a jumper. 

"We can't wait to meet your lady friend," Fiona gushed as she patted my arm, "I'm sure she's a lovely girl." With that they got in the car and left. 

I drove Fiona's car to pick up Elissa, when I arrived she was already at the curb, I could see her niece watching from the window, so I waved at her as Elissa got in. Elissa saw me and smiled, "Chrissie has been telling all her friends you and I are dating now. She has some fantasy about you becoming her uncle I think."

"Let's see how this first date goes," I laughed, "then we'll talk about marriage."

When we arrived at the fete my family swarmed Elissa and asked her a million questions about herself, thankfully she was gracious and took it all very well. After a few minutes of this I dove into the fray rescued her, leading her to the drinks cart and away from the clamouring hoard. 

Sadly the strongest thing they had was tea, followed by a very sickly sweet looking punch that make my teeth ache just looking at it swirling in the punch bowl, I poured her a cup of tea and waited until she took a bracing sip before attempting conversation, "Sorry about that. They mean well and really you're the first person I've dated that they've actually met."

She laughed, "I find keeping my love life and family life is best too, but you sort of broke the mould there." 

I put my arm around her shoulder and gave her a quick squeeze, "thank you for being such a good sport!" 

As I started to let go of her she turned a bit and put her hands on my shoulders, pulling me forward and gave me a kiss. Before I had time to recover from the shock of that I heard a series of clicks off to my left. I disengaged myself to see a photographer quickly snapping several pictures of us and then he disappeared into the crowd.

Elissa watched the photographer high tail it off and then looked up at me linking her arm in mine, "uh oh, is that going to cause trouble back in London?"

"Possibly," I admitted, then determined to not let it ruin the rest my day I tried not to give it another thought.

Emily came over to us and announced that it was time for Michael to make his welcoming speech, and people were taking their seats inside the church. I saw this as an opportunity to slip out unnoticed and led Elissa to the car park.

Just as I opened the door for her, I heard the clicking sound again. This time the photographer made no move to run off, "kiss her again!" he prompted, camera raised.

"Sorry, I don't do requests," I replied, and quickly moved around to the driver's side. To my dismay he followed me snapping more pictures. I got in, started the car and didn't look back until we had gained the main road.

At the stop light Elissa put her hand on my knee, "You must get that a lot..."

"Actually that was my first time."

She smiled, "I'm sure you're in for more of that. I hope your girlfriend is a forgiving person."

I hope so too, I thought.

I dropped Elissa off at her brother's house, after making some vague plans to meet up one more time before she went back home and went for a drive to clear my head before heading back to my dad's house. On the way I stopped at an off license to buy a flask of whisky, hoping that it and a sleeping pill would gain me a nightmare-less, deep sleep for the first time since I came home.

The house was dark, no one had returned from the fete yet, so I took a hot shower, a sleeping pill and washed it down with a small water glass' worth of whisky. 

It must have worked because it was light out when a persistent ringing sound woke me out of a deep sleep. I fumbled for my mobile on the bed stand, and because I am blind without them, I was trying to recall where I had left my glasses when the ringing stopped. I stood and went over the chair by the window and searched the pockets of my jacket, locating the glasses and was putting them on when the phone rang again. This time I could see the number, it was John's. I sat back down on the bed and was half tempted to not answer it but on the third ring I picked it up.

Before I could say anything, he started in, "OK, who is she?"

My brain was still asleep, so I didn't quite catch on straight away. John took this as an excuse to repeat the question, this time at full volume, "who is she?" 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Don't get cute with me David," he hissed, "I saw the cute picture of you kissing some bint in the tabloids."

I came fully awake at that, "her name's Elissa, she's someone I met on the train coming here. We were at a church function, so it was not like I was at an orgy or anything. And I wasn't kissing her, she was kissing me."

"Yeah, I can see you were desperately trying to stop her," he sneered, "I guess I should have known you were not to be trusted. You couldn't wait to get away from me, and I can see why now."

I took a deep breath, "you've got it all wrong..."

"I can see that, obviously this is all just a misunderstanding," John continued, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Actually, it is. Right after that picture was taken I dropped her off at her brother's house." I could hear him breathing but he said nothing, "you'll have to just believe me, it went no further than that picture shows."

"Why should I believe you?" He countered.

I could see him in my mind's eye, his jaw set in a firm line, his hands clenched and the burning light in his eyes that he got when he was angry, and it made me feel completely drained. I just didn't have the energy to argue, "Because it's the truth." I finally answered.

He sighed, "are you going to see her again?"

"I'm not sure."

John laughed humourlessly, "you're not sure?"

"I like her. She seems really nice." I sighed.

"What about me?" He asked, his voice low and pleading, "do you still love me?

"You must know that I do," I replied, "but the whole idea behind me coming here was to get some distance from everything. To get some perspective."

"To get away from me, you mean."

I took a deep breath, "remember the night before I left? You said you wouldn't wait for me, if someone came along that you fancied you were going to act on it. Do you recall saying that?"

"I was hurt, and angry, I didn't mean it."

"Maybe you should find someone else," I started, but then there was a knock on the bedroom door, "look I have to go, I'll call you later."

I disconnected before John could say anything else. 

Fiona came into the room and regarded me over the rim of her glasses. She saw the bottle of whisky on the nightstand but aside from a slight frown said nothing, instead she walked over to the window, pulled back the curtains and opened the window, "your dad was disappointed you didn't stay for your brother's speech." 

"I had to get my date home," I replied. 

It wasn't really a lie, but not the true reason I left and from the look on Fiona's face she didn't quite buy it either. She took a seat next to me on the bed, "David, I love you like you was my own. I still remember the first time I set eyes you, you were all legs and arms and looked like a lost pup. You were always such a sweet child, and I think you're still that sweet boy deep inside. What are you are really doing here? You and your dad seem to be on the outs, you run from your brother and sister like they've got the plague, and you seems miles away like you're not really here or wish you weren't."

She reached over and brushed some hair out of my eyes, "I may seem like a daft old woman but I know you aren't happy." She gestured to the nightstand, "that ain't healthy and you don't eat enough to feed a mouse."

I stood up, "If you want me to leave I'll get out of your hair."

"Don't be daft, you are welcome to stay as long as you want. This is your home too!" Fiona looked up at me, "when you're ready, you can talk to me, I know I'm not your real mum, but I like to think I am at least a good runner up."

I took her hands in mine, and lifted her off the bed, and gave her a hug, "thanks."

She pulled me tightly towards her and then just as quickly let me go, "it's past nine, if you want breakfast come down and I'll make you some." With that she bustled out of the room, shutting the door after her.

After breakfast I got dressed and went into the front room where my dad was watching one of his favourite programmes he eyed me warily as I sat down next to him. I waited until the adverts came on before I spoke, "I'm sorry we got this visit off on a bad note..."

He seemed surprised at my words, "I keep forgetting you're a grown man, you will always be a child to me," was all he had to say before the programme returned. I had hoped for more of a conversation but I took the hint that it was all I was going to get and left.

I still felt a bit muddle-headed from my chemical experiment the night before, so I decided on a good walk into town to clear my brain. I found a newsagent's and was just about to go in and buy a paper when Elissa came out of the shop, nearly running into me. 

"Are you following me?" she laughed.

"No, it's just a happy coincidence."

"Really? You seemed in a massive hurry to dump me off last night."

"Sorry that photographer unnerved me a bit and I think I overreacted, it was not to do with you at all." I took her hand in mine, "in fact if you're not busy can I buy you a cup of tea?"

"Make it a coffee and you're on," she curled her fingers around mine and flashed me a wide grin.

At the coffee shop she opened one of the bags she had been carrying, "Did you see this?" with that she thrust a paper in my hands, and pointed at the picture of her and I kissing. 

I looked at it a moment and could clearly see why John had been so upset when he saw it, it would be very easy to leap to the wrong conclusions. I handed it back to her. 

"My niece is going to die when she sees this," she laughed, then she grew serious, "I hope I didn't get you in trouble with your girlfriend."

I chose not to answer that and took a sip of my tea, "what are you up to the rest of the day?" 

"My brother and his wife are at work, and Chrissie's in school so I'm free all day. What about you?"

"Nothing planned either." 

She finished her coffee before continuing, "how about I take you back to the house and show you my etchings?" 

"You have etchings?" 

She leaned it very close and clarified, "no silly, I want to take you to my room and fuck your brains out." Then she smiled widely at me and waited for my reaction. I must have stared a bit longer than I meant to because she quickly sat back then started to gather her things to leave.

"This is awkward. Can we just pretend I didn't say that?" she begged.

"I handled that badly, I'm sorry, you just took me by surprise is all." I stood up and took Elissa's hand, "I am very flattered by your offer."

"But?"

"I'd like to get to know you first," I kept my voice gentle, as she looked like she was about to burst into tears, "I have made the mistake of rushing into a relationship recently, moving too fast, too soon. And I think you're worth spending time on.'

She tightened her grip on my hand and pulled herself up to embrace me, "I have never had a man tell me no before." I wrapped my arms around her tightly, and said nothing, just enjoyed holding her. After a bit she pulled back, "so what's the secret? Are you married? Impotent? Or gay?" 

I tilted her head back and kissed her, by way of an answer. She grabbed the lapel of my jacket and licked my lips before thrusting her tongue in my mouth and kissing me back. Just when I thought I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen I felt a tap on my shoulder. 

Elissa let go of me and her eyes got really wide. I had just enough time to turn around to see John standing behind me, his eyes blazing, before he cocked his fist back and punched me in the jaw. His blow spun me around and I bounced off of the wall behind me, then slid to a semi-sitting position before the world went black.

The next thing I knew I was laying on a bed in an unfamiliar room with Elissa holding an ice pack to the side of my face. My head throbbed in time with my heartbeat and the room seemed to be slowly spinning around me. I tried to sit up but she put her hand on my chest stopping me.

I was still trying to piece together the events that led me to this when I heard the door open, and John came into the room. 

He glanced at me briefly then at Elissa, "is he alright?"

She removed the ice pack for a second and touched my face, "I think he will be, no thanks to you."

The room began to spin faster so I closed my eyes and could barely make out their voices before losing consciousness again.

When I came around again the room was dark and I was alone. I sat up cautiously and aside from a slight dizziness and a nasty headache I felt more with it. I took in my surroundings and came to the conclusion I was in a hotel room, most likely John's. I walked into the main room and found Elissa and John sitting across from each other having what looked to be a staring match.

Elissa saw me first and rushed over to me, "are you OK? You shouldn't be out of bed!" with that she took my hand and led me to the sofa to sit next to her.

John watched us in silence, his head resting on his hands.




Now Starring Ch. 08



Elissa brushed her fingers across my cheek, "I guess the answer is C. You're gay."

"Right, which is why he was kissing you like that." John snorted, and started clapping, "such great detective work, Sherlock. If only he was."

Elissa ignored him, "you're bi then, but were in a relationship with Captain Caveman here?" she gestured towards John.

"Was is the right term," John offered, "you are welcome to him, he seems to have the morals of a tom cat."

Elissa stood up and stomped over to him, "before you decided to come in there with your dick and fists swinging David was just politely and I have to say in a very kind and gentle manner, turning down my advances. So I think you owe him an apology."

I finally found my voice, "I don't want an apology."

"What do you want?" John's voice dropped to an almost whisper and he refused to look me in the eye.

"Aspirin."

John looked at me incredulously and Elissa just frowned but after a couple of seconds John stood up and walked out of the room. He returned with a glass of water and two aspirins and handed them to me.

I gulped the pills down and held the cool glass to my temple for a few minutes. 

"I hate to leave you but I have to get back to my brother's we're supposed to be going out for dinner." Elissa looked at her watch fretfully, and then at me, "are you going to be OK?"

I mustered a smile, "I'll be fine."

She glared at John and then kissed me lightly on the top of the head, "call me, please?"

I nodded and she reluctantly left the hotel room, not taking her eyes off of John until she closed the door.

"How did you find me?" 

"It wasn't hard, I knew where you were going, and you did leave a contact number with the studio, and I have friends there. When I stopped by your family home, your step mother said you had gone for a walk, I just went down the main street and saw you through the window." John admitted.

"Well, as much fun as this has been I'm leaving." I stood up a bit unsteadily but managed to make it almost to the door before John caught up with me and blocked me from leaving.

"We have to talk," he started.

"The time for talking would have been before you cold-cocked me," I replied, and tried to move him aside. 

He took my hands in his and held them down to my sides, "I'm serious..."

I tried to twist out of his grip but he was having none of that, he pushed me up against the door and dug his fingers into my wrists, "John please let go, you're hurting me." 

He grabbed me around the shoulders, pulling me away from the doorway and toppled me backwards, and threw himself on top of me, knocking my breath from me. He positioned his left leg between mine and holding my hands above my head he used his body to hold me down and rubbed himself against me while kissing me so hard my lips felt like they were being crushed. 

I should have been scared, or at the least angry but I felt nothing. I waited until he pulled away to take a breath, "I don't see how you think raping me is going to help your cause."

He blinked at my words, and then his eyes grew really wide, and he jumped to his feet, letting me go, he stumbled back to a chair and sat down heavily cradling his head in his hands. I got to my feet and was tempted to just leave when I heard John sob.

That sound hit me like a knife in my heart, and I knelt in front of him taking his chin in my hands and tilting his head up to gaze into his eyes, "I really don't understand why you keep doing this to yourself."

He swallowed hard, "because you drive me crazy."

"I can see that." 

"And because I love you, I love you so much it hurts," he continued.

"I can see that too," I let go of him and stood up, "I really wanted this time away for both you and me. To get distance, perspective and maybe give you a chance to get over me."

"Why would I want to do that?" he asked, frowning.

"I don't think I'm good for you. I don't know what it is but I seem to bring out the worst in you," I touched the side of my face to emphasise my point, "I think you should go back to London, and really give this some thought."

"I'm supposed to just leave you to carry on with Elissa?"

"I sincerely doubt she's going to want anything to do with me now and so that's a moot point," I sighed, "which is a shame, I really liked her."

"Please spend the night with me," John pleaded.

I shook my head and walked to the door, this time he made no move to stop me, "I really need to leave."

"David, please?" his voice cracked, "please don't go."

I took a deep breath to steady myself, but remained resolute. As I waited for the lift my resolve started to wane and I wanted to go back to him. John seemed to sense this as he ran out to the hall and reached me just as the doors of the lift closed.

When I arrived back at my dad's house Fiona was just clearing dinner from the table, she started to admonish me for not calling and letting her know I was not going to be there for the meal but then she saw the bruise on my face. 

She quickly looked in on my dad, making sure he was transfixed by the telly before shutting the door between the sitting room and the dining area. She grabbed some ice from the freezer and wrapped it in a towel, handing it to me before gesturing me to sit down. She took the seat opposite me, "that man who stopped by here this morning, asking for you, did he do that?"

I nodded, she made a sound of dismay, and pulled at the hem of her apron, "I shouldn't have told him where you went, I'm sorry David, love."

"Don't blame yourself," I soothed, "you couldn't have known."

"He's that guy from your show, the one who bowls for the other team, right?" before I could answer, she stopped talking, and I could almost see the light of realisation hit her, her voice dropped to an almost whisper, "oh no, oh dear. He's the mysterious 'girlfriend' Emily said you were on the outs with, isn't he?"

"Yes, although I don't think he'd appreciate being called that."

"No, I suspect he wouldn't. A big strapping lad like that," Fiona surprised me by giggling, "why is it the good looking ones aren't into women?" 

She stood up and checked on my dad again, before rejoining me, "so are you? What's the correct term, gay?"

"I'm still attracted to women, and John's really the only man I have ever felt anything like that for, I guess that makes me bisexual." I felt really surreal having this conversation with her, but it was a relief to be able to talk to someone about it.

"Why did he hit you?"

"Remember the woman I brought to Michael's church thing?" Fiona nodded, and I continued, "he saw me kissing her in the coffee shop and reacted badly."

"I thought I raised you better than that," Fiona tsked at me, "I would have kicked you in the veg so hard you'd sing soprano the rest of your life if you was my boyfriend."

That really set me back on my heels, "Fiona, he's a man. Doesn't that bother you?"

"I know you think I'm a daft old woman, David, but I've been around the block a few times, and love is love." She looked at me over the rim of her glasses, "The physical act of who does what to who in bed be damned. If you love someone it doesn't matter what they tuck into their pants when they get dressed."

She stood up and poured a cup of tea for herself and one for me before continuing, "Do you love him?"

"Yes."

Fiona took a sip of her tea, "and this woman, do you love her?"

"I think I could, she's very sweet and I am very attracted to her." I admitted.

Fiona spooned some more sugar into her tea, stirring it thoughtfully, "I think you need to sort out where you want to go then." She brushed her hand across my jaw, lightly touching the bruise; "you may wind up with more serious injuries, like a broken heart, if you don't."

She gulped down the last of her tea in one swallow, and took her cup to the sink, "don't worry I won't breathe a word to your dad, he isn't as open minded."

That night as after they had gone to bed, I was still too wound up to sleep. I thought briefly of taking a sleeping pill but the thought of another round of Kafkaesque nightmares made that prospect very unappealing. 

Instead I ran a hot bath and got in for a long soak. Even thought the tub was too short for me to stretch out in fully, the steam and the hot water combined to make my eyes heavy and rather than risk falling asleep and drowning I reluctantly got out of the tub about twenty minutes later. 

As I gathered my robe around me I opened the door from the bathroom to my bedroom. The room was dark, which was a bit odd, because I remembered the light being on when I undressed. I felt my way in the dark to the light switch, but just as I reached it I realised I was not alone in the room. I froze as a hand reached inside my robe to touch my chest. This seemed to encourage the owner of that hand because its mate found and untied the sash of my robe.

I tried again to reach the light switch but I was gently moved away from the wall and half lifted, half pushed backwards until the backs of my knees hit the bed, and I sat down hard.

"John?" I started to whisper, but a finger was placed on my lips, admonishing me to stay silent. Lips soon replaced the finger, and the hands got busy toying with my chest, and sliding down my arms and lower.

I could hear the loudness of the TV in Fiona and my dad's bedroom, and the soft sound of my faceless' lover's breathing as he lowered himself on top of me, fully opening my robe, and pulling it off of me and lifting my legs locking them against him with his upper arms. The room was pitch black but I fancied I saw sparks in the night as he pressed his unlubed cock against me and with a rush buried himself inside. I moaned as he opened me up and he put a hand over my mouth stifling the noises, the other hand's fingers laced themselves into my hair yanking my head back as he pulled out and slowly slid back in.

This continued for a bit until he stood up, lifting me off the bed, but still buried deep within me, and pressing me against the outside wall. The coolness of the plaster on my back, the warmth of his body and the hot flame that was his cock sent every nerve of my body into overload, I clung to him, panting as he repeatedly knocked me against the wall. He made no sound as he went rigid and came into me. 

After a moment he disengaged himself from me, and set me down on my feet. But he still held me against the wall. He trailed his nails down my stomach and then got down on his knees in front of me, taking me into his mouth and swirling his tongue around my head, my legs turned to water as my orgasm hit but he put a steadying hand on my chest and held me against the wall until my muscle control returned.

Then, without a word, he stepped away from me. I heard him move in the darkness, and he tossed my robe at me. I slipped it on and as I bent to tie the belt around my waist, the bedroom door opened, and I saw his shadow in the half-light of the hallway and then he was gone.



Now Starring Ch. 09



When I followed David to his parent's house I just wanted to talk to him. I stood on the front porch; hand poised ready to ring the doorbell but couldn't bring myself to push the button. After ten minutes of standing there like an idiot I walked across the street and sat on the curb. 

What was there about him that made him so addictive? Yes, he was incredibly good looking, intelligent, funny, and kind and a challenging lover. But so were countless other men I had relationships with in the past. 

There was something about David, maybe it was those dark eyes of his, those eyes that seemed to see into the most hidden reaches of my soul and bring the parts of me into the light that even I denied?

I knew it was a mistake to come to Scotland, he had asked me to give him space. But when I saw the pictures in that rag, shown to me by Phil, I couldn't think straight. I should have waited a few days, enough to calm down, before I confronted him but seeing those pictures ripped a hole in my heart that could only be repaired by seeing David again.

I pulled my coat closer to me as a cold breeze blew down the street, and looked back at the house. The lights went out downstairs and two sets of lights came on upstairs. I could see David's silhouette in the window facing the street as he entered his room. 

My mind replayed the scene in the coffee shop. I had seen David and Elissa walking across the street, hand in hand and my heart sank. I could see the smile on her face as he bent to her height to talk to her and I watched them through the window as they talked. It wasn't until he held her in his arms, those arms that should have been wrapped around me, that I moved to confront them.

I closed my eyes, the lump in my chest growing tighter, as I recalled their kiss. The first one, the one initiated by David, didn't really set me off, for some reason. Maybe it was because he didn't linger and it was quick and seemingly passionless. But when Elissa thrust her tongue into his mouth, and he made no move to stop her, my vision went red and I had to stop them. By the time I was aware again, David was slumped against the wall and Elissa looked like she was about to scream. 

Luckily the shopkeeper was easily bought off, a tenner to be quiet, and we got David back to my hotel room, passing him off as a drunk to the taxi driver.

I looked up at the house again and saw another light go on, shining like a beacon from a small window next to David's room. I felt for my mobile, and considered calling him and asking him to meet me at a pub down the street. I held the phone for a few minutes then put it back in my pocket. 

I rose with the idea of leaving, but instead walked back to the house. I put a steadying hand on the doorknob, taking a deep breath and raised my hand to knock, as I did so the knob turned in my grasp, and the door opened!

Before I knew it I was climbing the stairs and heading towards David's room. I could see a crack of light shining under the door and the sounds of a television show, turned up quite loudly, from down the hall. I opened the bedroom door quietly, and did a quick survey of my surroundings. I could see into a small bathroom and from the reflection in the mirror caught the image of David lying in the tub; his long legs bent double, head thrown back, eyes closed, and his arms dangling over the edge. 

In the harsh light I could see the faint scars on his wrists. The sight made my heart leap up into my throat. I couldn't imagine never having met him, any more than I could imagine my life without him.

I turned off the bedroom light and sat down on the bed, just watching him from the dark. I was trying to form a lucid argument as to why he should forgive me and take me back when he rose out of the steaming water. The warmth of the water had given his skin a glowing a soft hue making him look warm and inviting as he towelled off.

David picked up his robe but didn't put it on immediately, instead he leaned in towards the mirror, and ran his hand over his jaw, lightly touching the bruise on his face from when I had lost my temper with him earlier. 

Then he disappeared from my sight for a few minutes, and then reappeared to set his contact lens case on the rim of the sink. 

I heard the snap of the light switch being turned off and was cast into almost complete darkness, just the light from the hallway shining under the bedroom door. 

He passed so close to me in his quest to find the light switch that I was afraid he was going to trip over my feet, so I put out a hand to stop him. As my hand touched him, his breath caught in his throat, and I could feel his body go rigid with alarm.

That gasp brought back the memory of the first time we had made love, coupled with the touch of his warm skin made all my noble intentions fly out the window. I took advantage of his immobility and quickly untied the belt of his robe and ran my hands down his body. As I reached his back he shuddered slightly and he tried to turn away. I pulled him back to me and walked us to the bed.

As he came to the bed, he sat down with a grunt of surprise, and began to try to stand up but I held him down. When David called my name I knew that now was not the time for words and before I could stop myself and before he could stop me, I tore his robe off of him and drove myself into him. 

When the tip of my cock pushed inside him he arched his back and put his hands on my chest trying to push me off. I had never entered him unlubed and I don't think he was prepared for that. He cried out as I moved further into him so I covered his mouth with one hand and held him fast by the hair with the other as I pumped myself into him.

After a bit, I felt him relax in my embrace but didn't want to let him get too comfortable. I lifted him up off the bed and slammed him up against the wall. Soon I was driving myself into him harder with each thrust, knocking the breath from him, violently taking him, staking my claim. 

It wasn't until I felt the release of my orgasm that I slowed down my thrusts and savoured the sensations, the warmth of him surrounding me, his hot breath on my neck, his long arms and legs wrapped around me, seemingly holding on for dear life. As I pulled out and let him go, he started to move away from the wall, obviously thinking this was the end of it, but I finished him off in my mouth first.

I could hear David take a deep breath and move towards the light switch again, but I didn't want him to see my face. I had hoped to be able to talk to him but I knew couldn't handle looking into those dark, soulful, gentle eyes without breaking into tears. I almost tripped over his robe as I zipped up and started to leave, I picked it up and threw it at him. The darkness seemed to make all my senses extra acute. I could hear the sounds of the terry cloth on his skin as he put the robe on and took that time to slip back out of the room before he could stop me.

I ran out of the house, not stopping until I had reached the street opposite the house. Just as I did so I could see the light come back on in David's room and could just make out him standing at the window watching me as I stood there watching him. 

After a while the light went out. I could picture David in bed, asleep, softly breathing and I wanted to hold him in my arms until morning. Instead I sat down on a garden wall opposite until the cold got to me and then I went back to my hotel.

I got no sleep that night, playing over and over the scene in the coffee shop in my mind. A bit after 8am, just when I thought the sound of my own blinking was going to send me mad, my mobile rang.

"Please tell me that was you last night," David begged.

"I should leave you guessing, but yes that was me." I admitted.

"Breaking and entering is a new trick for you. That sort of borders on stalking don't you think?"

"The door was unlocked," I replied, "and besides you didn't seem to mind too much at the time."

"You've got me there," David let out a short laugh, "are you still in town?"

"Yes."

"Can you meet me for breakfast? I think we need to talk."

I didn't exactly like the sound of those words but the idea of seeing him again, made the idea vastly appealing, "I'd like that."

We agreed to meet in an hour, David giving me directions to the café and I was just ready to head out the door of my room when I heard a knock. I opened the door and Elissa pushed her way into my room.

"This isn't a good time..." I started.

"Too bad. I am going to say what I want to say and then you can go off to wherever you were in such a rush to go to." She got within a breath of me, and poked her finger into my chest, "I don't know what sort of relationship you have with David, but your treatment of him is appalling! I want you to leave him alone."

"I agree, and in fact I'm on my way to apologise and make amends," The vehemence of her words surprised me, it took me a few seconds to recover, "but as for leaving him alone, no."

Elissa stepped back as I opened the door, "I really like him John, and I think I'd be better for him that you are. And I'm going to pursue a relationship with him."

"Be that as it may, for now he's mine and if I want to keep him, I'd better not be late for our date," I stepped into the hall, taking her arm and leading her out too, "nice talking to you again!" I called out as I went down the stairs and out the door. 

Elissa's unexpected visit made me run a few minutes behind, so when I got to the café David was already there. He had skipped shaving that morning and the stubble went a long way to covering the bruise. He had a far away look in his eyes that made my heart stop for a moment and he didn't see me until I took the seat opposite him.

He gave me a quick assessing glance and took a sip of his coffee before speaking, "you look like shit." 

"Thanks," I took off my coat, "you sure know how to sweet talk a guy, don't you?"

He gave me a wry grin. He started to say something else but the waitress appeared to take our orders, David stayed with coffee and I ordered tea and toast. 

I glanced out the window, the sun was trying to break through the early morning haze, "it's really beautiful, you're so lucky to have grown up here." 

He looked out the window with a puzzled look on his face then back at me, "I guess. I don't really think I've paid that much attention to it."

The waitress returned with my order and to top off David's coffee, as she walked away David leaned in, "I was hoping to use this time away to clear up some confusion and perspective on our relationship..."

"Is it working?"

"No, I'm not sure if it's because you won't leave me the hell alone, or the complications with Elissa or it's my family..." He paused running his hands through his hair, and took a deep breath, "but I'm more conflicted and confused than I was before."

As he took another drink from his cup of coffee, his sleeves rode up and the long scars I had seen on his wrists the night before were exposed. After he set his cup down I took his hand in mine and ran my fingers along them, "what made you do this?" I asked softly.

He looked down at his wrists and then back up at me, his voice completely flat, "After a particularly savage beating by my dad, it seemed like the best option."

I let go of his hands and he pulled his sleeves back down, "have you considered that option since?"

David looked out the window again, "I don't want to talk about that. What I would really like is for you to please respect my wishes and go back to London."

"I'm supposed to just leave you here, so you can fuck Elissa guilt free?" I kept my voice even, despite the pounding of my heart.

He turned back to me, "that's not in my immediate game plan. I do like her a lot and there may be something there in the future, but I already am dealing with someone who I rushed into bed with and I would like to think I learn from my mistakes."

"I'm a mistake?" 

"Stop twisting my words!" he almost shouted before glancing around the café to see if anyone was eavesdropping, "you are not a mistake, but I think WE are."

"Does that mean you're ending it?"

He drained the last of his coffee and slid out of the booth, "what it means is if you don't go and don't give me the space I need, and if I'm pressed to decide now. Yes." 

"If I do go? Then what?"

"No idea," He reached into his pocket and put some money on the table, "but I promise as soon as I know I will tell you."

I stood up too, "will you at least come back to my hotel with me while I pack?"

He grinned at me, "subtle, John."

I laughed, "I know."

At the hotel David seemed anxious, a bit like he was afraid to be alone with me, and given his last visit here, I couldn't really blame him. He paced around the room, looked out the window, fussed with the curtains and finally sat down on the chair watching me while I finished getting my things together, "did you really just ask me here to watch you pack?" 

I smiled, but didn't answer him; instead I folded my pyjamas and added them to my case. I stole a glance at him, he had turned in the chair so he was sitting crosswise on it, his long legs draped over one arm and his back against the other, his head was tilted back and he was just staring up at the ceiling. The angle of this position exposed his long neck to me, and I was struck by the irresistible urge to kiss it. 

I stopped what I was doing, and walked over to where David was sitting. I thought I had made enough noise but when I bent down, and my lips touched him he sat upright, almost knocking me over. I gently pushed him back to his former position, laced my fingers into his hair, tilting his head back and kissed him on the neck again, this time taking a bit of the soft flesh in my teeth.

"Should I have worn garlic?" he laughed.

"That depends," I got on my knees next to the chair, "are you trying to stop me?"

Before he could answer I nibbled my way down to where his neck and shoulder met and started to unbutton his shirt. He stopped me, taking my hands in his, and pushed me away, "I think I should go."

"I have this room until 3pm, there's a large bed in the other room," I sat back on my heels, "and we won't see each other for five weeks. Don't you want something to remember me by?"

David got to his feet looked at me, then the door, then into the bedroom area of the room, clearly weighing his options. I got up and moved in behind him, pulling him tightly to me, and resumed kissing his neck.

"You're not making this easy," he groaned but made no move to stop me.

"I don't want to make this easy. I want you to stay with me." I moved my hands lower and reached around to cup him, I could feel him harden in my hands, "and I can tell you want this just as much as I do."

He twisted out of my grasp, and took a few steps away from me. From the wild look in his eyes I thought he was going to bolt. After a few minutes of him just standing there, not moving, he took a deep breath, "you don't play fair." 

"All is fair in love and war," I replied.

"And which is this?" he countered.

"Love, of course," I took his hand and led him into the bedroom. 

Once there David sat on the edge of the bed, his hands folded in his lap, "before things go too far, this doesn't change my mind, I still want you to leave."

I sat next to him, "you keep saying that, but yet here you are with me, now."

"I can change that if it would make you understand me better."

"I don't think I'll ever really understand you, David," I laughed, "but maybe that's part of the attraction. You're a big puzzle wrapped in an attractive package."

"I'm an attractive package?" 

"Hmmm...a very attractive package!" I cupped him again, and gave him a squeeze.

He playfully slapped my hands away, "that's not what I meant."

"I know," I straddled him, and laying him back on the bed, rubbed myself against him, "but it is a very attractive package nonetheless."

I got his shirt unbuttoned, and took mine off as well, then when I reached for his belt he sat up, wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me off of him and got to his feet. I thought he was going to change his mind again, but in a swift movement, jumped on the bed and then lowered his body on top of mine. 

He raised himself up on his arms and beamed down at me, "I think this time I will give you something to remember me by."

Before I could say anything else he kissed me, parting my lips with his tongue. His long fingers quickly unzipped my fly freeing me, and then fully taking me into his grasp he stroked me in the same rhythm as his tongue played across mine. I could feel the first tickle of an orgasm building as he tightly gripped me and his other hand toyed with my nipples. I sat up, disengaging him, not quite wanting to climax just yet.

"What was it you said to me that first time? Oh yes, 'relax and let me do it all' I think it was." 

David sat back on his knees and a smirk played on his face, "quit being such a control freak."

I couldn't help but laugh at his words, he was right of course. I let him undress me, and was rewarded with warm kisses to each new bit of flesh that was exposed as he removed my clothes. When he had removed his, he stopped and looked around the room, frowning.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I wasn't really prepared for this when I went out today, I don't have a condom or lube or anything on me."

I hadn't packed anything either and the idea of taking his size into me with no lube made me wince a bit, but before the mood could be broken I took him into my mouth, and hoped my spit would be enough to ease the passage. Once he was hard again, I laid back and closed my eyes preparing myself for what would come next.

David put two of his fingers in his mouth, wetting them generously and inserted them into my ass before attempting to enter me. As the tip of his cock pressed into me, I spread my knees wide and locked my legs around his hips. He gently, but firmly, moved in further until he had completely impaled me on his length. I gritted my teeth as he pulled out, seemingly taking half my entrails with him. He paused and spat on his hand again, wetting his shaft before thrusting back in. 

Soon the pleasure of his cock moving in me over won the pain and I pulled him down to me so I could lock my mouth on his as he thrust in and out of me slowly. His slow and steady rhythm started to make me mad, I didn't want to be made love to, I wanted to be fucked. I tightened my legs around his waist and raised myself up on my hands, flipping him over on his back and keeping us locked together.

Then I flattened my hands on either side of his head, closed my eyes and raised myself up and slammed myself down on him. As I dropped down I seemed to knock the breath from him but I didn't care, I kept up this rhythm until I came, my seed hitting him on the chest. After I caught my breath, I bent to lick my mess off of his chest. Then I laid back, and let him take over again, until he finally went rigid and came into me.

"That was certainly memorable," he shook his head slowly.

"Sorry, I got a bit carried away."

"I noticed," he stretched out and I cuddled up against him.

"Do you still want me to leave?" I ventured after a while.

"It's not that I want you to, I need you to." He turned to look me in the eye, "I told you this wouldn't change my mind."

With that he rose off the bed, and gathered his clothing and went into the bathroom. I heard the taps going and then he emerged fully clothed and sat back down next to me. He leaned down, cupped my face in his hands and kissed me on the forehead, "if you love me as much as you say you do, you will do this for me, please give me this time."

I watched him leave the bedroom and heard the door to the hotel room shut. The sweat from our love making barely dry on the sheets and here I was alone again. I laid there a while hoping he would come back, but as the clock edged to check out time, I had to admit he wasn't.




Now Starring Ch. 09



On the train ride back to London, I promised myself I would grant David the five weeks, and just five weeks. At the end of that time it would be time for him to decide. 

And I hoped he would choose me.



Now Starring Ch. 10



Dedicated to Tisha, thanks luv

-----------------------------

Living up to my part of the bargain was hard. Several times in my five-week's David drought I thought of something I wanted to tell him and almost called. But each time I remembered the seriousness of his voice and the look on his face in the hotel room. I could see that he was on the verge of just letting us die and my pushing him was setting that idea firmly in his head.

To distract myself I spent a lot of time with friends, going to clubs and just generally making myself chemically unable to think for hours at a time. I had no work, no David and even though I got plenty of offers, no one to go home with or to.

I tried not to obsess and count down the days but as the time grew closer for David's return I hoped he had come to a decision, and that decision would be to stay with me. But I was realistic, I knew that my luck could go either way and so prepared myself for that eventuality as well. 

Or, should I say, I tried to? I convinced myself that I had the power of positive thinking on my side. 

When it came time to report to the set and resume filming I had butterflies in my stomach. I had to keep my cool around the others, but the idea of seeing David again after what seemed like an eternity, made me want to whoop with joy. I had to stop myself from getting there ridiculously early, and arrived about five minutes before the script read through.

There was quite a crowd, I scanned the room for David but didn't see him. My heart sank, had I missed him? Was he not coming today? I was just about to take my seat when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Are you looking for someone?" I turned around and there he was, standing just a few feet back from me, a half smile on his face. In the weeks since I had seen him, he had grown his hair out and it was past his shoulders. Although he was still way too skinny, he looked well rested; the dark circles under his eyes had gone.

"Scotland really suits you," I replied, "you look wonderful."

"Flatterer," he laughed. 

I could tell he wanted to say something else but Phil had started herding people to their seats and he took David by the arm and pulled him away from me.

I had a really hard time concentrating during the read through; I couldn't take my eyes off of David. The sunlight coming through the dusty windows played off of his hair casting a glow around him, making him look like an angel. Luckily I had only a handful of lines, and could use the excuse of just seeing the script for the first time, but I could see Phil frowning in my direction.

At the break Phil took me aside, "tone down the love sick puppy dog looks John. You're about as subtle as a brick to the balls."

"I'm sorry I haven't seen him in a long time."

Phil glanced over at David, who was talking to Mollie, I saw her reach up and take lock of his hair in her fingers and give it a twirl. Then he looked back at me, "we're having a big launch party and dinner for the press and such, for the start of the new season. I don't care who you bring as your date, but it can't be David. We need to maintain his sex symbol image."

"I see..." 

"No you don't see John! If you weren't under contract I'd fire you so fast your head would spin," he leaned in to me, "we've sunk a lot of money into your little fuck buddy, publicity ain't cheap, and if you mess this up, I'll see to it you never work again!"

As soon as the read through was over, Phil made a point to get to David before I did, he ushered him into one of the back rooms with a grim expression on his face. I waited for what seemed like hours, but realistically was probably only about twenty minutes. 

Phil came out first, his mouth set in a grim line, his face brick red and stomped over to me, "I hope to god he's smart as well as decorative. I think you better take what I said to heart, if you know what's good for you."

David emerged a few minutes later. He perched on the arm of my chair, ran his hands through his hair and then looked down at me, "that was fun. Phil is such a laid back kind of guy isn't he?"

"Oh, yes," I snorted, "so what was that all about?"

David looked up at the ceiling then down at his hands, "he first told me I need a hair cut, gain weight, work out more and that sort of thing. Then he said that he told you to back off of me, and I have to bring a woman to the press launch party."

"Did you get a word in edgewise?"

"Not really, but I did manage a rather passable salute..." he grinned. 

"You didn't!" 

"Yeah, I did and I have to say that his face did turn quite a lovely shade after that."

"He did seem a bit worked up," I laughed, and then growing serious, "I've really missed you. Can we go somewhere where we can talk?"

"I literally just got back into town, I haven't even stopped at my flat yet," he admitted, "you're welcome to come back with me, but I am not promising anything."

The cab ride to David's place was pretty quiet, I had a ton of things I wanted to say but they were not really words I wanted overheard. For David's part he seemed lost in thought, but I was just content to be sitting next to him.

Once there he gathered the mail from the floor by the mail slot, took his cases into his bedroom, opened the curtains and started a pot of coffee. While he was busy I took a seat on the sofa and just watched him as he went about his tasks. When he was done he sat down opposite me on one of the chairs.

I broke the silence first, "how was the rest of your visit?"

"It was enlightening. I'm not quite sure when it hit me but I had this epiphany that the past was out of my hands and that the future was all I had control over. After that I got on great with my dad and siblings. It was like I was seeing them all for the first time as real human beings and not spectres or bogey men." 

He sat back and folded his hands in his lap, "and I learned some truths about myself."

"What about Elissa?" I ventured.

"What about her?"

"Did you see her again?" 

David looked down at his hands, "yes, I did."

"And?"

"We went out a few times, but she was not there for as long as I was. She returned to her home. I got her number and said I would call her once I got back into town."

"Did you sleep with her?" I asked, keeping my voice level.

David looked up at me, "the simple answer is no."

That intrigued me, "the complicated answer would be?"

"She wanted me to and, at the time, I really wanted to as well. We got back to her room, the house was empty, and she was more than ready. But I when it came time to, I wasn't."

"How far did you get?" 

"Why is that important?" he asked.

"I need to know, please."

"I got to her room and that was it. I couldn't go any further," David took a deep breath, "I made the excuse that I was concerned about her brother's family coming home any minute and she seemed to buy that."

"What was the real reason?" 

"The coffee's done, would you like some?" He stood up and walked into the kitchen.

I followed him and stopped him before he reached the coffee pot, taking his hands in mine, I turned him to face me, "you didn't answer me."

"It's not an easy answer." I let him go, he poured two mugs of coffee and handed one to me, "I don't have any crème but I have some powdered stuff."

"This is fine," I took a sip of my coffee and leaned on the cupboard, "so, are you going to tell me?"

He walked over the sink, dumped the grounds from the coffee maker into it and ran some water down the drain before continuing. I could see he was having a hard time with what he wanted to say so I didn't push him.

"I saw her there on the bed," he finally started, his back still to me and his voice soft, I had to strain to hear him, "and I could see all the faces of the women I had slept with before. Then I saw you that look you had when I left you in that hotel room. And it was like a veil had been lifted and for the first time I really saw myself."

"And what did you see?" 

"I keep making the same mistakes. I throw myself into a relationship hoping the other person will somehow make me whole, and when they can't..." he let out a short humourless laugh, and turned back to me, "well, anyway, that is just not going to happen."

"I can help if you let me," I offered.

"That's so you," he smiled, "I think I have to do that myself. And so, your answer, the one you have so patiently waited for is this; I do love you John, but I think you would be better off with someone else. Someone who can be out, someone who won't need to hide how they feel from the rest of the world, someone who could take your arm in public."

"Do I get a say in this?"

"Of course," he picked up his coffee cup and took a sip, watching me over the rim of the mug.

"I don't care if you can't take my arm in public, I don't care if you could never come out, and I don't know how you see yourself, but what I see is a very beautiful man. Not just how you look, which is stunning, if a bit bony. But inside and out you are one of the most beautiful men I have known. I thought about you a lot when you were in Scotland, and I think I'm the one being unrealistic."

"How so?"

"I've been thinking about my wants, my needs and not seeing your side of things. Whereas I would love you to love only me, I know you also are attracted to women. The funny thing is, Sonja didn't bother me. I was OK with you and her."

He put his mug down, "so why does Elissa bother you so much?"

"She's not right for you. I thought it was just jealousy, and yeah OK it was some of that, but she wants you for what you are. Not who you are." 

David looked at me for a few seconds, a slight frown forming on his face, "What makes you say that?"

"When you were out, after well, you know, she and I talked. She kept saying how big of a fan her niece was, and how her friends wouldn't be able to believe who she was dating, how envious they would be and how she had never met a celebrity, etc. She never said how nice you were or how funny or how kind, etc. She seemed more in love with the image than the man."

He nodded, "I think I already knew that. I just didn't want to admit it."

"Sonja told me you two had an open relationship, and I'm offering you the same thing but with a qualifier. I am OK with you sleeping with a woman, but if it's another man, the deal's off." 

"Don't worry about that, I think you're man enough for two people," he laughed, "but what about you? What do you get out of this?"

"I am not interested in other men. While you were gone I had plenty of offers and plenty of opportunity but I only want you," I stepped in very close and tilted his head back for a kiss.

"That seems unfair," he protested.

"David, let me decide what's fair and unfair for me," I replied kissing him gently, "I just want you to be happy."

"But..." he continued, so I kissed him a bit harder to silence him. 

When I let him go he took a deep breath, "god I missed you." And with that he pulled me to him and thrust his tongue in my mouth.

I lifted him off his feet and set him on the counter top and stood between his legs, rubbing myself against him, and ravishing his neck and lips with little bites and licks. He locked his legs around my hips and threw his head back as I ran my hands down his spine. Not wanting to give him any time to think I reached inside his shirt, stroking his chest, then peeled the shirt off of him. Then I removed mine and took possession of his mouth again. 

Then I kissed my way down his neck to his chest and took one of his nipples in my teeth, biting it gently while my hands undid his belt and slid his jeans down and off of him. I laid him back on the counter-top and held him around the waist as I took him into my mouth. His taste tickled my tongue like a fine wine and the sheer size of him filled my throat as I took him all the way in. 

I stole a glance at him on an upstroke; he had his arms over his head, hanging on to the edge of the counter-top to stop from falling off.

When I felt him grow in my mouth he sat up and tried to escape my grasp, but I held him firmly bringing him to a shuddering orgasm that made him arch his back and let out a sound like a caged animal as he came.

Not giving him any time to catch his breath I unzipped my trousers and thoroughly wetting my cock with spit eased myself into him. I gritted my teeth in an effort to keep myself under control as his heat enveloped me and he made a low growling sound in his throat, as I hit home.

I didn't move for a few minutes I just held unto his hips, my cock buried deep within him and savoured the sight of his lean body lying beneath me. When I pulled out and slowly re-entered him he sat up and grabbed me tightly to him locking his legs around my waist, and his arms around my neck, resting his head on my shoulder as I picked up my pace.

I dug my nails into his back, and lifted him off the counter as my orgasm hit me, and he seemed to go limp in my arms. After I caught my breath I set him back down and pulled out. He laid back on the cool counter-top and closed his eyes.

I pulled my trousers up and still he didn't move. I was starting to get very concerned when he finally spoke, "I think the most exciting thing that counter had seen before now was some exotic smelling disinfectant spray."

"Speaking of, you may want to give it a dose of that before using it again." 

David opened his eyes and looked at me smiling, "oh, yeah. Definitely."

The rest of the week we barely had time alone, rehearsals, wardrobe fittings and filming took most of David's waking time and aside from a quick cup of tea in the commissary we didn't see each other much.

The big premiere party came up faster than I had expected, luckily an old boyfriend, who I was still on speaking terms with, agreed to accompany me. We arrived at the venue a bit before 7pm and Phil greeted me as I entered, a fake smile plastered on his face, "I see you finally took my advice," he gestured towards my date, "your lover boy did too. Smart lad." 

He gestured towards David who, much to my dismay, had his arm around Elissa's shoulders as she beamed at him. David looked stunning in a very well tailored dark blue suit with a red shirt and black necktie with matching red shoes. It wasn't a look just anyone could pull off but his slim body and tall good looks made it work.

When David saw me he bent to whisper something to Elissa and then gestured for me to meet him at the drinks table. He picked up two glasses of champagne and I followed suit, "what is she doing here?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"I thought since she seems so enamoured with the whole celebrity thing," David shrugged, "I'm sure her niece will get a kick out of this too, somehow."

We walked back slowly to where my date and Elissa were talking, when she saw me she linked her arm in David's and he handed her the glass of champagne. My date took a sip of the champagne and declared he needed a real drink and walked off in search of something stronger, leaving David, Elissa and I on our own.

Elissa leaned in, "I see you found someone else to bully," she hissed at me. I looked to see if David had overheard her but a reporter requesting a quick word with him held his attention. 

"Don't get too smug," I whispered in her ear, "this is just for show. You have no idea how little he really cares about you."

"He asked me here tonight, and even if he doesn't think much of me now, I am going to make damn sure by the end of the night I'm all he'll ever think about," she smiled, "he will be in my bed tonight and I plan to be sure mine is the only one he'll ever need or want again."

Just then my date returned, "hey! The band's warming up, you wanna dance?" he shook his ass and snapped his fingers then held his hands out to me.

"I don't dance, but I bet Elissa would love to," I suggested. Elissa shot me a dirty look but before she could decline he grabbed her hands and dragged her to the dance floor.

David finished his interview and turned back to me, "where'd everyone go?" 

"Over there," I gestured to the dance floor, "I don't know if you should be warned or congratulated but Elissa seems to have a x-rated night planned for you."

"I think I have a say in that," David rolled his eyes and took a sip of his champagne. Then he watched our dates dancing for a bit, "although you do seem to have the possibility of a bit of fun tonight yourself."

"He's just a friend," I explained, "I've already got a lover."

"I still am not entirely sure how this all works out for you..." David started, but was interrupted by another reporter vying for his attention.

I watched David pour on the charm with the female reporter. She was almost instantly turned into a giggling fan girl and the more she chatted with him the more evident it became; it was almost spooky how easily he could do that. At the end of the interview I saw her jot down her phone number and tuck it into his suit jacket pocket.

After the reporter left it was just David and I again. He seemed a bit ill at ease, his eyes constantly scanning the room, like he expected some sort of unpleasant surprise at any moment. I finally got his attention, "are you OK?" I asked.

"I'm feeling a bit like a performing monkey right now," he admitted, "this is just a bit unnerving."

"Face it David, you're a star and that makes you hot property. A lot of actors would gladly sell their first born for the fame you've achieved." 

"Including you?" 

"Including me." 

Seeing the frown deepen on his face, I changed the subject, "so how many phone numbers have you gotten already?" I patted his jacket pocket, "feels sort of full."

He didn't seem to understand at first, then he grinned and reached into his pocket and pulled out the slips, "I lost count," he fanned the papers out, "hmmm let's see, ummm eleven." 

Then he folded them back up and stuck them in his pocket, "not all from women either. I guess that's pretty good for only being here for an hour."

"I'll bet Elissa has been loving that," I laughed.

He smiled, "I'm considering just handing them out to random people and seeing if anyone makes a love connection as a result."

"Why not? It's sort of like spreading the wealth." 

David nodded and took a sip of his champagne, "exactly. Why be selfish?"

Just then Phil announced that dinner was being served. I glanced at the seating chart as I entered the dining room and saw that Phil and his date plus a gaggle of the press were sitting with David and Elissa. My table-mates were Mollie, her husband and some reporters from a few second string tabloids. 

Joyous.

After dinner the lights went down and a large screen dropped from the ceiling at one end of the room. The screen lit up with highlights from the previous season and then tantalising clips from the next season, featuring an awful lot of scenes of David and even though I was trying not to count, only one with me in it. 

I looked over at Mollie and her lips were set in a thin line, I quickly tried to recall how many of the scenes shown featured her. Before I could get that count she leaned in, "nice to see who the fair haired lad is in this operation. I swear if Phil doesn't start treating me like the important part of this cast, I'm going to walk."

As the reporters at the table began frantically taking notes; I tried to quiet her, "Mollie, we're not exactly alone right now..."

She downed her wine and poured another glass, "I don't give a shit. We did just fine without that skinny Scottish bastard; did Phil lavish all that attention on Tom before the second coming? No!"

Mollie's husband tried to get the wine glass out of her hand, "I think you've had enough." He admonished her.

She slapped his hands away, and her voice rose higher, "I am supposed to be the fucking female lead!" she gestured with her glass at David, "but no, Phil had to hire pretty boy there and now I'm just a day player!" 




Now Starring Ch. 10



With that she stood up and stomped over to Phil with the tabloid reporters running after her, tape recorders at the ready. I couldn't make out what they were saying but I could see Phil's face turn an alarming dark red and Elissa watching the two of them like it was a crazy sort of tennis match. 

Mollie's husband watched the scene in horror and fascination, "she's been hitting the sauce since the moment she got here," he explained, "this will not end well."

Just then his prediction came true, Mollie dumped the remainder of her wine on Phil's head and threw the glass at David. Luckily he managed to get out of the way before it hit him and then she stormed out of the dining room. Mollie's husband rose out of his seat, and ran after her. 

The tabloid reporters came back to the table, and were jabbering amongst themselves excitedly. "What did I miss?" I asked them.

One of them quoted back all Mollie had said as the others jotted down notes, blessedly she had just vented most of her ire on Phil, and only threw the glass at David after Phil said that he was ten times prettier than she was. 

I didn't get time alone with David until after the party finally ended. Elissa had gone to get her coat and he was standing near the door looking like he wanted to run screaming from the venue. When he saw me approach he gave me a wry grin, "this is probably the most fun I've had that didn't involve dental instruments."

"Mollie is a mean drunk," I laughed, "are you OK?"

"Call me tomorrow," David mouthed as Elissa returned, and then he helped her on with her coat, then she slipped her arm around him giving me a smirk and they left.

I dropped my date off at his flat before returning to mine. I poured a glass of brandy and changed into my pjs trying to not picture Elissa with David. I could hear her declaring her intentions of getting David into her bed, and I kept reminding myself that I had given him license to sleep with any woman he wanted. 

I took a big draw on my drink and closed my eyes. It was almost like I was dreaming whilst awake but I could see Elissa stretched out on David's bed clad in only a triumphant smile. David lying on top of her, his lean body barely covering her curves, his long fingers tracing down her body as he eased himself into her. Her nails raking at his back, as she tightened around him, I could hear her cry out as his length made its way into her and I could feel their heat like a warm breath on my face. I tortured myself with this vision until I was almost shaking with rage, then I opened my eyes, and bolted to my feet.

I finished the glass of brandy and picked up the phone, with the idea of calling David. Then I stopped remember John, I chided myself, you told him you didn't mind. 

Liar. 



Now Starring Ch. 11



To Tisha, my muse, with love

-------------------

Despite not sleeping and my panic to call him, I waited until a decent hour to call David. He didn't pick up his phone, which made me very antsy, I flashed back to my vision from the night before, slightly revised to having him spending the night at Elissa's instead of his own place.

I knew he was due at the studio that morning, I reminded myself, maybe he was already there and I just caught him at a time when he couldn't take my call. I quickly got ready and headed over there.

I walked into the set to see Mollie in a heated argument with Phil, but David was nowhere to be seen. I got the attention of one of the assistants and she said David was either in his trailer or off at the commissary having shot a few scenes already and was on a break.

I caught up with him at the commissary, he was reading a book and drinking a cup of coffee totally lost in his own world. I watched him for a moment and couldn't help but smile at the way a lot of the women, and to my dismay, some men were checking him out and he seemed completely oblivious to all the attention he was getting. I grabbed a cup of tea and took a seat opposite him.

"How was your night?" I finally asked.

"Oh, hi!" he replied, putting the book down and looking a bit startled by my presence, "I didn't expect to see you here."

"What are you reading?" I turned the book around and read the title, "I've never heard of that one."

"I have an audition for the lead role, they're making it into a movie," he explained, "Phil recommended me for it."

"How was your night?" I repeated trying to get back to my original topic.

"It was OK," he replied, taking a sip of his coffee, "how was yours?"

"Odd," I admitted, "I had a sort of weird vision after I got home..."

David looked at me, his left eyebrow cocked, "if you start speaking in tongues next I'm leaving!" he joked.

"Did you get that wild night Elissa promised?" I blurted out.

"Well that was subtle," David sat back with a laugh. He took a moment to compose himself, "do you really want to know the intimate details? Or would a summary work?"

"This isn't funny," I chided.

"Actually it is," he replied, "you talked a good talk about giving me freedom to date women yet here you are quizzing me about it. I told you I didn't think this would work for you, and now I have proof."

He stood up to leave, but I caught up with him, "does that mean you are not going to tell me?"

"That's precisely what that means," he rolled his eyes at me as I grabbed his arm stopping his progress, "John, this is not the place or the time to make a scene. Now just drop it."

He twisted out of my grasp and left the commissary. I was about to do the same when Mollie came in. I could see by her expression that she was feeling sheepish about her tantrum the night before and when she smiled at me beguilingly I knew she wanted to talk. I sighed but followed her back to the table.

We sat down and she leaned in, "I saw that little tiff with David just now. You two having trouble?"

I nodded, "I don't know Mollie, I can't get a good read on him lately. I feel like I am watching him from the opposite shore most of the time."

Mollie shook her head, "I overheard Phil this morning talking to him. They're grooming him to be a movie star, there's even talk that a Hollywood bigwig is coming to watch him today. I think you're out of your league, John. You're strictly small stuff, no offense, and totally the wrong gender for his public image."

"Do you think he really loves you?" she continued.

"I think he does," I replied, wishing I sounded more positive.

"How much time do you two spend together outside of the bedroom?" she continued, "Because if you can't enjoy each other's company while fully clothed, it's not love it's lust. And let's face it, he can pretty much choose anyone to shag if he pleases, so unless you have some secret sexual technique that no one else has, this isn't going to last."

"Why are you so concerned about me all of a sudden?" shot back, her words hitting me hard because of how close to the truth they were.

"We don't always get on John, but I really hate to see you getting used by this guy, especially as he will just leave you behind when something better comes along."

"You don't know that," I protested.

Mollie smiled a half smile, "but I do. You know he worked on a few films before becoming our saviour right? Well a friend of mine, Karen, was on a film with him and while they were working together she and David were a couple. She fell for him hard, and thought it was the real thing. But the minute the filming was done, he dropped her like a hot potato, just like that." She snapped her fingers for emphasis.

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"I wanted to believe this would work out for you, but I am able to step back and see the real picture when you can't because you are in too deep." With that she stood up, "he's going to leave you John. I'm not saying don't have fun but guard your heart, because it's about to be broken."

After the day's filming I caught up with David as he was leaving his trailer, "Hey you want to go grab a drink or a bite to eat?" he asked. He seemed really bouncy, a bit hyped up and happy to see me, but Mollie's words kept spinning around in my head.

Before I could stop myself I asked, "are you planning on dumping me the minute someone better comes along?"

David's smiled faded and he reeled back like I had struck him. He stared at me like I had suddenly grown a second head.

I took advantage of his guard being down to press my point further, "Mollie told me about her friend Karen, how you two were hot and heavy then you just dropped her."

David took a deep breath, "why is it you're so quick to believe the worst about me?"

"Well, is it true?"

He looked at me his face totally still but his eyes gave him away, they were far too expressive for his own good, "and you think that's where this is all headed. Is that it?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

I nodded but remained silent.

"If that's what you want. Then you shall receive," David leaned in close and through gritted teeth he hissed, "You are a good fuck John but you are not worth the drama that comes with it."

It took me a second to recover enough to realise what he had just said, the violence in his tone was shocking enough but the words sounded so out of place coming from his mouth. For his part David just met my gaze coolly, his fists clenched at his sides and his back rigid. Then he stepped back and in a conversational tone asked, "does that work for you? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

When it became apparent I was not going to respond to him in a timely manner his tone shifted and he smiled at me, a smile that didn't reach his eyes at all, gave a slight bow and said "give the people what they want" then turned on his heel to walk away from me.

His bow released me from my paralysis and I ran after him stepping right in front of him to block his path, "did you mean what you just said?"

"Does it really matter?" he asked his voice weary, "it's obvious you've made up your mind about me, and I have had enough of trying to prove myself to you."

I felt like my heart had been removed with a rusty spoon and my head split in two, "are you dumping me?"

"Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Of course it isn't!" I yelled louder than I really meant to be, just inches from his face.

"Sure seems that way to me," David ran his hands through his hair and sighed, "it's been a long day John. You are in an impossible mood and I'm just not up to dealing with you. I am honestly just tired of this constant battle with you. I am sorry you fell in love with me; sorry I thought I loved you too; obviously I don't if you are to be believed. And if I haven't been able to make you happy then I'm sorry for that too. I am just generally sorry. Can I just go now, please?"

"No, you and I need to talk. Now. You can't keep running away when it gets too heavy."

"It would seem there's nothing to talk about. You seem to think I'm not trustworthy; I have some hidden agenda and will dump you the minute something bigger or better comes along. I think that says it all." Then he stopped for a moment puzzled, "unless all I'm good for is sex then I can't see why you want to talk to me."

"Do you really think that's all I want from you?"

"I'm beginning to think it is," he replied, his voice slightly wavering and his eyes wide, "I think I finally understand, all you want is a lover who does what you want, when you want and where you want. If bestiality weren't illegal I'd advise you to buy a dog, because I'm not your pet and I'm not just a piece of ass, I have feelings too, and you have stomped the last bit of the good ones that I had towards you to death."

"So this is it."

"I guess so. 'This is the way the world ends: Not with a bang but a whimper.' I have to go John, the good times were great but the rest..." David was silent for a moment, his face still unreadable but I could see tears welling up in his eyes, "the rest just sucked."

That night I didn't even try to go to bed, I kept seeing David walking away from me leaving me standing on the sidewalk watching him until he disappeared out of sight. I called one of my exes and asked to meet him for a drink. Nigel and I had not parted on good terms but we had a sort of uneasy truce because of mutual friends.

When he arrived at the pub he looked a bit puzzled to be summoned but ready to listen. After a bit of chitchat I dove right in, "when we broke up was it because of me?"

Nigel tapped his fingers on the beer mug, clearly weighing his words, "You got massively possessive and jealous of any guy I talked to. Do you remember punching out Stan for giving me a hug at Christmas that one party?"

"Vaguely," I admitted.

"What's with the ghosts of relationships past scene? You got man troubles?" Nigel continued.

"I think I may have just blown the best thing I've ever had."

"Oh man," Nigel chuckled, "so instead of making up to your lover you called me? When did I become Dear Abby?"

I couldn't help but laugh.

"Tell me about your man," Nigel prodded, "I'm having a dry spell."

I told him everything about David that I felt I could without giving his name or where I knew him from, Nigel listened in silence occasionally taking a drink from his beer, but he let me go on until I ran out of breath.

"Sounds like a hell of a guy.... OK Auntie Abby here recommends you get your still-too-attractive-ass off the bar stool, get your most charming smile on, buy your man some flowers and get yourself over there, be sweet, maybe knock his socks off with your amazing bedroom skills and then promise to get some counseling" he took a handful of nuts and popped them into his mouth, chewing them noisily, then lifted his glass "but before you go, I need a refill."

I stopped at the all night shop and picked up the least dead looking bouquet of flowers I could find and headed over to David's flat. As I pressed the buzzer I glanced at my watch, 1am, well that can't be helped, I thought.

When I got no answer I started randomly pressing buttons until someone buzzed me in, then I made my way up to David's flat. I pounded on the door but got no response. Maybe he isn't home I thought but putting my ear to the door I could hear some music coming from within. I tried the doorknob but it was locked. 

I got close to the spy hole and looked in, I could see lights burning in the flat but still no answer as I knocked on the door. Something was nagging at me, making me feel uneasy. I looked for an extra key in all the usual hiding places, but came up empty. After a bit I remembered the old credit card trick, pulled one out of my wallet and stuck it into the door jam wiggling it around until I heard a click, and I was in!

I didn't see David in any of the first few rooms so I walked down the hall to his bedroom; he was on the bed, fully clothed but dead to the world. I sat down on the bed next to him and still he didn't wake. I gently shook him by the shoulders, and he didn't move. I leaned down and felt his skin; he felt damp to the touch and was breathing really slowly. I glanced at the bed stand and saw that there was a bottle of sleeping pills and half empty flask of whiskey sitting there.

I pulled him into a sitting position and carried him into the bathroom and aimed him over the toilet, then opened his mouth and stuck two fingers into his throat; he didn't even flinch let alone gag. I sat back in frustration holding him against me, I was just about to dial 999 when David opened his eyes and regarded me quizzically.

"Either I'm having a really odd but vivid dream," he slurred gazing at me with his eyes barely in focus, "or...."

He tried to pull away from me and stand but couldn't get his feet underneath him properly and it was only my holding onto him that saved him from crashing to the floor.

"How many pills did you take?" I asked, keeping him held tightly to me.

He held his hand up awkwardly and tried to concentrate but he seemed to lose the ability to count, and finally sighed, "a few. What are you doing here?"

"I brought you flowers," was all I could think of by way of an answer.

He nodded as if that made perfect sense and closed his eyes again. I shook him, "David you need to stay awake." He waved me off and kept his eyes closed, I lifted him off the floor and set his feet down so he was mostly standing, "Come on walk!" I encouraged him, half lifting, half dragging him around the flat. Finally he moved his feet on his own and seemed to come around a bit.

I sat him down on the sofa and make a pot of coffee checking on him periodically as I did so, he seemed to be somewhat awake or at least his eyes were mostly open. I put some coffee into a mug and placed an ice cube into it so it was cool enough to drink straight away, I put it into his hands and lifted it to his lips, "drink this."

At first he didn't seem to understand then he tipped the cup forward and poured most of it down the front of his shirt missing his mouth. I jumped up and grabbed the cup from his hand and got a towel to wipe off the spilled coffee, by the time I got back he was out cold again.

I picked him up again and carried him into the bathroom, stripped his clothes off and then I took off mine and got into the shower. I turned him so his back was towards the nozzle and turned on just the cold water.

As the first sprays of water made contact his eyes flew open and he tried to escape my grasp, I moved us back until his head was under the stream and he redoubled his efforts to get away, calling me all sorts of names in the process. The way he was screaming and jerking in my arms made me worried that he would drown before he came fully awake, my arms were turning to ice but I held him firmly until he stopped struggling and seemed to accept that I wasn't going to let him go. After a bit I turned off the water and wrapped him in a couple of towels setting him down on the edge of the tub.

David's lips were blue and he was shivering violently but he was definitely awake and very, very pissed off, "what are you doing here?" he asked pulling the towels closer around him.

"I came to apologise for being an ass earlier and found you passed out."

"I was asleep, that's not unusual for anyone other than you, obviously, to be doing at this time of night!" He was still slurring his words but he seemed a bit more with it. The he stood up a bit unsteadily and reached for the robe hanging off the back of the bathroom door and wrapped it around himself tightly.

"David, you were out cold, please tell me you don't make a habit of mixing alcohol and sleeping pills."

He didn't answer me but instead made for the door of the bathroom before stumbling and almost falling, I grabbed him and held him upright, I could feel him still shivering as I pulled him into my arms, "you're freezing."

"Yeah, I know, some asshole tried to drown me in ice cold water," he countered.

I laughed at that, "sorry it was for your own good."

"I don't think I'll ever get warm again," he complained.

"Get into bed, and I'll warm you," I offered, but when he shot me a comical look I amended it to, "strictly P.G. I promise."

I watched him get into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie before joining me in bed, he still felt really cold to the touch so I wrapped him in my arms and let him rest his head on my shoulder. Even soaking wet, angry and shivering his appeal was hard to miss but I forced myself to think about other things and not let his scent and the closeness of his lean body get to me.

In an effort to get warm David pressed himself so tightly to me it was like he was trying to crawl inside my skin, he kept shifting against me and when he brushed up against my crotch the predictable thing happened. I shifted uncomfortably as my jeans tightened around me and bumped his hip on accident. I could see a flicker of amusement ease the frown on his face but he turned on his side and pulled the covers tightly around him and his back to me.

I tapped his shoulder, "I really don't think you should go to sleep, I'm still worried about you."

He turned to face me, "I am exhausted, and I'm going to go to sleep. You are welcome to stay or go home or some combination of the two." Then he turned away again.

I pressed my arousal against the small of his back; "I think I can keep you awake a bit longer." I offered.

"You bust in here, wake me up, then try to drown me in ice water and now you want to make out?"

I held him tightly, "that pretty much sums it up."

"Forget it," he said, but made no move to escape my embrace.

I tilted his head back, exposing his neck to me and nibbled down to his shoulder. He continued to ignore me, so I slipped my hand under the waistband of his sweat pants and trailed my fingers along his thigh. 

He sighed, "you don't take no for an answer do you?"

"I said I didn't think you should go to sleep, you can either lay there and pretend I'm not here or you can do something more pleasurable to pass the time." I whispered into his ear as I circled my hand around his cock warming his still cool flesh, "your choice."

David sat up, "no means no John. I'm wiped, I'm cold and I am not in the mood for your games tonight. Go home."

I rolled over onto my back; frustrated but fully realising he meant it, "OK I'll behave."

He looked down at me, regarding me, sizing me up, then turned off the light and laid back down. Within a minute he was sound asleep, I listened to make sure he was breathing normally but soon I fell asleep myself.

I awoke a bit later to find David had moved in his sleep to lay his head on my chest and his arms around my shoulders, his warm breath tickling my neck. I pulled him closer to me enjoying the feel of his lean body on mine. As my hand slid down to the small of his back he sighed in his sleep and he snuggled in more.

As I lay there holding him I wished I could stay in that moment forever. No pressure, no drama, just David in my arms, and the rest of the world was not welcome. I traced the line of his check with my free hand, feeling the fine bones of his face and the stubble that dotted his chin and then brushed his lips with my fingers. Then I ran the hand down his neck and slid it inside his hoodie stroking the soft hair on his chest.

"I thought you said you were going to behave," I heard from the darkness.

"I thought you were asleep," I laughed.

"I was," David countered.

"Sorry." I apologised, trying to sound contrite even though I didn't feel it.

"Yeah you sound it." David chuckled, "you win I'm awake, now what?"

I rolled him over onto his back and lowered myself on top of him, holding myself up on my elbows so I wouldn't crush him, "I have a few ideas."




Now Starring Ch. 11



Before he could answer I leaned down to kiss him, parting his lips with my tongue and ran my hands through his hair. He broke the kiss first, taking a deep breath and then put his hands on my back pulling me tightly to him, slightly parting his legs so I dropped down between them. I lowered my hands to his ass and slowly lifted my hips to rub myself against him, feeling his erection sliding along mine through our clothing.

I repeated this until he took a shaky breath and dug his nails into my back further spreading his legs to increase the amount of his body that touched mine. I held myself back, driving him into a frenzy, getting him riled up before I even removed a stitch of clothing from either of us.

But soon my self-control was outweighed by my need to touch his skin with mine. I reared back and peeled off my shirt, then pulled him to a sitting position to remove his. Then I shifted to kneeling between his knees, sliding my trousers down to my ankles, then off me completely. David took this opportunity to get his sweat pants off too and then pulled me back to him with a low growl.

As I moved up on him my flesh on his causing a sweet friction he laced his fingers in my hair pulling it so tightly tears sprang to my eyes. "Enough!" he commanded, and reached for me, grabbing my cock in his hand.

I felt him reach into his bed stand, pull out the lube and then he warmed it up a bit before generously applying it to me. The slippery substance combined with his tight grip on me made it hard to not thrust into his hand and come before either of us was ready. David spread his legs, lifted his hips and guided me into him and then let go of my cock and locked his knees to my sides, arching his back as I thrust home.

I propped myself up on my hands, and slowly pulled out, and pushed back in, taking my time, savouring the sensations. I wished I could see his face because he had gone almost completely silent on me, just the sound of his breathing, growing faster and less steady as I picked up my pace. I reached down to cup his ass holding him tighter to me as my orgasm hit.

I stayed motionless in him as I caught my breath, then pulling out slid down to take him into my mouth. I inserted two fingers into him as I felt him grow in my mouth and brought him to climax.

A few minutes later he broke the silence, "that is slightly better than a cup of coffee first thing in the morning." He joked.

"Only slightly?" I countered.

"Well if you did that at Starbucks, you'd get banned." He laughed and moved back to snuggling against me.

"True," I chuckled. Then growing serious, knowing full well my timing was a bit off, "can I ask you a question?"

He nodded against me.

"Do you really think we have a future together?"

"If you strip away all the b.s. and all the baggage we both carry with us I think we really do love each other," I heard him take a deep breath, "if we can keep sight of that, yes."

"I do love you," I held him tightly to me.

"I know," he replied, I waited for him to say he loved me too.

But after a bit I realised he had fallen asleep. I wished I could follow him but the silence felt like a heavy weight on my chest, and all the good feelings I had from our lovemaking soon vanished.

I half considered waking him to get my answer but instead I laid there until the sun peeked through the blinds, staring into space, ashamed at how much I needed him, and wondering if he even felt half of what I felt for him for me.



Now Starring Ch. 12



A bit after 7am David woke and kissing me lightly on the forehead got out of bed and went to take a shower. 

I pulled my clothes on and went out to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee and a spot of breakfast. I was not surprised to find his cupboards and refrigerator were fairly empty but managed to find the makings for buttered toast. David came out of the bedroom, his hair still damp, wrapped in a robe and nothing else. I gestured for him to take a seat at the small dining table and put a plate of toast in front of him and poured him coffee.

"My, isn't this domestic?" he laughed.

"If you had more than a mouse's worth of food in the house I would have made you something more elaborate," I smiled back, "I am an expert omelette maker."

I waited until he had finished a piece of toast and his coffee, and watched him pour another cup before I continued, "I have been giving us a lot of thought. And I think maybe it's time we moved this to a new level."

He arched his eyebrow over his cup, but said nothing.

"I had a talk with an ex and I was told that my jealousy and possessiveness can be a bit overwhelming and I can see why you have been so reluctant to trust me," I took a deep breath, "and anyway, I think we might benefit from couple's therapy."

David set his cup down, and ran his hands through his hair, "we are many things, John, but I don't think we're really a couple."

I don't know what I expected him to say but that was definitely not it.

"I have to get going," he drained his coffee and stood up, "I am due at the studio in a bit." With that he went into his room to get dressed.

I followed him in, "if we aren't a couple, then what are we?"

"I don't know exactly. But the only time you and I aren't fighting is when we're fucking, that doesn't fit my definition of a couple," he pulled on a pair of jeans then sat on the edge of the bed to put on his socks.

"I'll grant you that," I sat down next to him on the bed, "but that's why I think we need counselling. I think we can be more than just lovers."

"Do you?" He laced up his shoes and stood up.

"You don't?"

He chose a shirt from his closet, and slipped his arms into the sleeves, but stopped before buttoning it, choosing his words carefully, "I meant what I said last night, if we can get past the bullshit we would stand a chance. But history has shown we can't, or haven't yet. I don't know which."

I was at a loss for words, as he bent to button his shirt and slipped on a jacket. It was when he turned to leave the room I finally found my voice, "David, I know I haven't been able to make you happy lately. But I really want to try to change that. I want this to be more than just sex, I want a future with you."

He stopped and turned back to me, a wistful smile on his face, "that would be something." 

I walked over to him and put my arms around his waist, "I'm willing to get professional help to keep me from screwing this up but I need to know if you are willing to stay with me for the long haul."

Before he could answer his mobile rang, and he stepped into the other room to take the call. A few minutes later he came back into the room, "they called off filming today, they have no power due to a blown transformer."

I smiled, "and now you have a free day?" 

"It would appear so," David smiled back, "so...would you like to spend the day together?"

I nodded and pulling him close to me began to kiss his neck.

David chuckled deep in his throat, "I was just going to ask what you wanted to do..."

I laughed and slipped his arms out of his jacket, then started to slowly unbutton his shirt, kissing my way down his chest as each one opened the fabric further. When I got to his stomach he took a shuddering breath and leaned against the wall to steady himself.

I started to undo his belt but he pushed me back from him and took me by the chin bringing me to my feet. Once I was upright he laced his fingers into my hair and kissed me hard. Then he took my lower lip in his teeth and bit down gently, but enough to make the feeling on his sharp teeth on my sensitive skin send sparks throughout my body.

Pushing against the wall David lifted up, wrapped his legs around my waist and his arms around my neck. I put my hands on his ass and pulling him in tight, I angled myself so my erection rubbed against the inside of his leg, teasing him by nearly making contact with his cock but stopping short. 

After a bit of this I slid my hands up to the small of his back and carried him to the bed. Trying not to notice how light he felt in my arms, but even in my arousal it occurred to me he was losing weight again.

I slipped his shirt off and in the light of day could easily see his ribs and collar bone in sharp relief, I covered my gasp of dismay with a quick kiss to his chest, determined not to break the mood.

As I reached for his belt I realised he had gone totally quiet. I glanced up at his face; he was watching me with a completely unreadable expression. Then he sat up and wrapping his long arms around me pulled me down to lay on top of him, his nails digging into my shoulders as he locked his lips on mine. I held as much of my weight off of his as I could, afraid in his fragile state I would break him. 

David slid his hands down my back and reaching inside my jeans lightly raked his fingers along my ass making me grow even harder as he slipped two of his long fingers into me slowly. I moaned against his mouth, as he wrapped his legs around mine, and ground his hips into me and moved his fingers in and out of me at the same time.

I was too close to climaxing before I even got undressed, so I rolled off of him, disengaging us and quickly peeled off my clothes, then with a tug I pulled David's jeans down and off of him, and reaching into the bed stand grabbed the lube, slathered some on and with a growl threw myself on top of him nipping at the tender flesh of his neck where it met the shoulder. I lifted his hips off the bed, and rising to my feet, pulled his ass to me and drove myself into him. 

David arched his back, grabbing the sheets at my entry; I pulled almost all the way out, just the head still inside him and then rushed back in. I lifted him further off the bed, until he was almost bent backwards, his legs thrown over my shoulders; my hands clutched his hips hard as picked up my pace. 

I could feel my orgasm building but I didn't want to come just yet so without disengaging us I moved him to laying face down on the edge of the bed, half kneeling behind him, I reached around and took him into my spit moistened hand and pumped him in time with my thrusts. He bit down on the sheets as he came with a sharp breath and a sound that made the hairs on the back of my neck bristle. It almost sounded like he was in pain, but he made no move to stop me as I bucked into him harder with each frenzied thrust and soon emptied myself into him. 

As soon as I was able to catch my breath I slid out of him and rolled over onto my back on the edge of the bed next to him. After a bit, David shifted to where he was completely on the bed, and moved to lie on his side facing towards me his eyes closed and his breathing still very fast. I sat up and brushed a lock of hair from his forehead, and then gathered him in my arms laid down on my back draping him across my chest. 

"What do you want to do the rest of the day?" he finally asked, still sounding out of breath.

"More of this of course," I laughed, "but first, you probably burned through that one little slice of toast already. We need to get you fed, good and proper."

David lifted his head off my chest to gaze into my eyes, "please don't start on my weight again."

"I can't help but be concerned, but no nagging if you promise me you'll eat a real lunch."

"And if I don't?" 

"This isn't funny," I met his gaze steadily, "you are wasting away again. That worries me."

He laughed and kissed my nose playfully, "thanks mom, but I am fine, I never have been good at keeping weight on. And your athletics aren't helping that cause."

"I'm serious..." I insisted.

"I noticed," he countered, "but I'm not willing to discuss this right now. So either you drop the subject and lighten up or I'll kick your ass out of my bed, and find a different way to spend my day."

I stared at him for a bit, trying to gauge how serious he was, he had a smile on his face but the smiled stopped before it hit his eyes, "OK but I would still like to take you out for lunch unless your cupboards suddenly got stocked."

"I'm comfortable where I am," he sighed laying his head back down on my chest, "maybe later."

I considered continuing the conversation and I think David sensed that because he moved to where he was straddling me and kissed a line down my chest, stopping above my stomach. Then he raised his head and grinned at me, "have you recovered yet?' he teased.

"You can't be serious," I groaned, and then laughed, "I'm an old man, I need to rest up a bit more."

He sat back, "I never asked, how old are you?" "A gentleman never asks that question," I joked.

David smiled widely, "I would think by now you'd have guessed that I'm no gentleman."

"I'm 43," I admitted.

"Old man!" David snickered, "that still doesn't get you off the hook."

With that he slid his hands down and took me into his grip, then he kissed his way back up to my neck, alternating licking my skin with little nips that sent shivers down my spine, all the while slowly pumping me with one hand. I was surprised to grow hard again so quickly but he seemed to have a magic touch.

He sat back, my cock still firmly in his hand, angled it and with a smile, lowered himself unto me. As he sunk all the way down he closed his eyes and leaned back, putting his hands on my knees. He stayed in the position, not moving until I pulled him forward, and locking my lips on his began to slowly thrust in and out of him. After a few minutes I pulled out and lifted him to move him onto his back. I knelt in front of him and re-entered him in one thrust. This time I was going slow and easy, not in a rush to finish. I kept up a steady pace while running my fingers through his hair and kissing him gently. This pace made him writhe beneath me his body tensing up with each thrust, I could tell he was eager to find release but I wasn't ready to grant him that yet. When I slowed down even more, he tightened his jaw so hard I thought he would break his teeth.

Finally he opened his eyes and in a move that took me totally by surprise grabbed me by the hair twisting it painfully, while his other hand scratched my back sending pin pricks of pain down my spine then biting me hard enough on the shoulder to draw blood. 

The pain made my vision go black and held him down and driving myself into him so hard that he closed his eyes again and made a soft keening sound with each thrust home.

My orgasm hit me so hard I literally couldn't breathe for a moment, then when I could I realised he was totally still beneath me. 

I rolled off of him in horror, for his part David just opened his eyes and despite the pain I could see in them, smiled at me.

"Why did you do that?" I demanded, trying hard to understand.

"I felt like it," is all he said before sitting up with a slight wince and heading into the bathroom, "I'm going to take a quick shower, then we can go to lunch if you're still interested."

I waited a bit and decided to join him in the shower; I pulled the curtain aside and stepped into the hot spray with him, "were you trying to get me to hurt you?" I asked taking the soap off the caddy and lathering myself up.

"Yes," he answered, his eyes shut under the spray and his voice calm.

"Why?" 

He chuckled, "it seemed like a good idea at the time. I'm sure I'll regret it later."

I stopped and just stared at him for a moment, "sometimes you scare me." I finally admitted.

"I know," he took the soap from me and gestured for me to turn around. As he lathered up my back I tried to concentrate on his gentle touch but my mind refused to be still.

Later at the restaurant I was still trying to work it all out, David seemed to be off in his own world, barely looking at me until after we were finished eating. Or I should say after I finished and he had picked apart his food and moved it around the plate until the waiter decided he was done.

"Did you put any of that into your mouth?" I gestured at the spot his plate used to be.

"I told you I wasn't hungry before we even got here," he replied.

"Please, if not for your own sake, for mine, eat something." 

He gestured in the direction of the kitchen, "I don't have anything, he took my plate."

I handed him the menu, the waiter returned a bit later, and David ordered a piece of chocolate cake and some coffee.

He finished half the piece before putting his fork down, "if I finish that I'll be in a sugar coma the rest of the afternoon."

"Give it a shot," I urged, happy to see him eating anything, even if it was not the healthiest choice, at least it was something.

True to his word on the taxi ride to my place David had a hard time keeping his eyes open, the cake having a sedative effect on him. I had to half carry him into my flat and led him to the sofa where he promptly dozed off.

I grabbed a throw from the closet and threw it over him, after slipping off his shoes. I kicked off my shoes and sliding him over a bit, got under the blanket with him. He shifted to holding me in his arms, a smile crossed his face and he sighed. In his sleep he looked like a little boy of twelve or maybe thirteen years of age. The freckles that dotted his face added to that impression, I felt a strong paternal urge to protect him and held him tightly to me. I wished I could get inside his wall and find out what kept him from letting me in, and at the same time I suddenly felt very old, very tired and totally out of my league.

When I woke sometime later, the flat was dark and I was alone on the sofa. The light was on down the hall and I found David lying in the tub, eyes closed surrounded by hot sudsy water.

He heard me come in and opened his eyes, "hope you don't mind" he gestured at the tub, "I saw it was a Jacuzzi and couldn't resist."

I sat on the edge of the tub and scooped up a handful of the bubbles and blew them at him, "someone should use it, I am not really into baths, and so it goes to waste."

"If I had this at home," he sighed, "I'd never get out."

"Do you ever get worried about our age difference?" I asked him.

He frowned at me, "what brings this up?" "Well, to be honest you are so energetic, and ready to go at a moment's notice and sometimes that makes me feel like an old man." I admitted.

"You're not that old," he replied, still frowning. "You're eight years younger than I am, you are still in your prime, and I'm over the hill."

"Can't you just be happy?" he countered, "why can't you just let yourself enjoy our time together? Why do you have to analyse and pick it apart and cause yourself grief?"

"I'm afraid of losing you," I admitted, not trusting myself to look into his eyes.

He sat up and took my hand and placed it on his cheek, cradling his face in my palm, "I'm here, now. Isn't that enough?"

"I wish it was but I want more, " I stroked his cheek, and leaned in for a tender kiss.

He lay back against the tub enclosure and regarded me in silence for a bit, "how much more?" he finally asked.

"I want you, for my own, forever." 

He closed his eyes, and shook his head, "that is never going to happen."

"I know," I stood up, "but that's what I want." With that I walked out of the bathroom and sat down in the dark of the front room, I closed my eyes and willed myself to be calm.

A few minutes later David came out and sat opposite me, he was silent for a bit, "you're serious aren't you?"

"Yes I am," I replied opening my eyes to gaze into his.

He sighed and stared at his hands, "I don't really know what to say."

"I don't expect an answer from you now, I do want you to consider it, and keep it in the back of your mind." 

He leaned back against the chair, "OK. But I guess this isn't the best time to tell you this, but I got that role I auditioned for. It's being shot in the States. I will be gone for three months after we wrap up shooting the series."

"Three months?" I stood up, "when were you going to tell me this?"

"To be fair I just found out yesterday. When was I supposed to tell you? We rarely just talk, should I have interrupted you in mid stroke and told you?"

I got closer to him, "so you're going to leave again."

"I can't turn it down. It's a really good role and the chance to be in a Hollywood film? Would you?" He answered his voice soft.

"Mollie was right about you."

He frowned up at me, "meaning?"

I took a step back, and laughed humourlessly, "she said all you cared about was yourself and your career."

"That's not true," David countered.

"It is. I think you should go now," I walked to the door holding it open for him, not looking into his eyes as he stared at me his mouth slightly open.

After a few seconds he rose and slipped on his jacket, and left the flat without a word. He stopped in the hallway, "when you're ready to talk, call me."

"Don't hold your breath," I sneered, and slammed the door just inches from his face.

I closed my eyes and leaned against the door, in my mind I could hear Mollie laughing and I could see the hurt in David's eyes, but I felt nothing.