5 comments/ 7186 views/ 2 favorites Nirvana Ch. 01 By: MoonBeetle Owen was having a good night. Usually he didn't get many people's attention, he'd be lucky if they turned their heads every now and again, luckier if a few of them stood near the stage. But that night, whoever looked at him didn't turn away, they focused and enjoyed, and he in return gave it his best. His band mates noticed it as well, he could feel how excited they got. Every now and again, he heard a missing note, string slip, out of sync play, but it was significantly less than normal. It was so good he almost believed they were half decent musicians. However, he did not know why people were especially interested that night, he owed it to the fact that it was pop-covers. As much as he hated pop music, it seemed to be the majority's main interested, plus he did promise the manager he'll do a pop night occasionally, despite it being an indie bar, since people seemed to love it. As he stood on the stage, playing and singing away his own reinvented covers of Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys and George Michael, he glanced at the bar occasionally. He noticed the bartender has taken interest in his music as well. Usually, Owen is nervous about facing the audience. His eyes are closed most of the time and when they aren't, he's usually looking down at the mic. But, this night, Owen was fully focused on the bar. It was the first time since he'd started working there, that the bartender happened to get his full shift at the same time as Owen. On other days, he'd only catch him for a few minutes before he had to turn his shift in to the next guy. They were playing their final song and Owen was sad about that notion. He was entertaining people and that was all that mattered to him. And on this night, he was entertaining more people than usual, he felt he was closer to having "made it" than he's ever been. He was performing Skyscraper by Demi Lovato, reinvented into indie rock style. The song made him too emotional to look up, he forgot about the good night, the attention, the bartender and his band mates' occasional fuck-ups, and forgot he promised himself to never be emotionally invested in a song again. The audience noticed the pain in his voice. Everyone spoke in whispers. He gave his heart and soul into the song. His hands were steady but his voice shivered. Reflection on the past has swallowed him, taken him back to moments he thought he had forgotten, moments he has buried so deep for them to surface. As Dave banged the final note on the drums, the people started clapping. When Owen opened his eyes, he couldn't believe himself. Around ten people were standing near the stage, many people on their tables with their eyes fixated on him, full of excitement, clapping and wooing him. His eyebrows were raised, mouth parted in surprise. He felt a pat on his back and heard a "fantastic", looked behind him and saw Carl and Dave highfiving, nudging shoulders and smiling at him. When he regained his voice, Owen said in the mic "Thank you so much". Clapping started to decrease. "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much. This has been Carl Roger on the bass, David Simms on the drums, and myself Owen Matthews, lead vocalist and guitarist. You've been a wonderful audience. Have a splendid evening everyone." He heard a loud whistle, followed by more clapping. "Thank you" he whispered to the mic. Owen took the bass from Carl so the latter would help Dave with the drums and amplifier. They walked into the music room and dropped their instruments. Dave walked out and Owen followed him, but he was stopped by a headlock from Carl. "Say it!" "Dude, stop. What the fuck." "Not before you say it." "Say what?" "You know what. Come on, let's hear it." "Alright, alright. Thank you and you were right. Can you let me go now please?" Carl let him go, laughing. "You're goddamn right." Owen rubbed his neck. "I know I wou- we would do a good job of it anyway." "Yeah, sure." Carl smirked. "You were great today man. We all were. Have you seen the people?" "It was a good night" "It was a great night. And, holy shit, have you seen the people!" "We still need a fourth member." "Dude..." "And possibly a manager." " Uh... Seriously? We had the best night since we've started here and this is what you have to say?" Owen shrugged then nodded. He started packing away his guitar. "Wow, hang on. Did you hear anything I said? We're staying, we're celebrating." "You are. I won't. I need to get home before my dad starts calling" Carl stood there and watched as Owen took the picks from his back pocket and put them in the guitar case then locked it. He was about to ask if he was okay but Dave came in. "Boys! What are you doing here? It's fucking crazy out there, you have no idea!" "Yeah, say that to Mr. Cynic there." Carl motioned his head at Owen, who flipped him off. "Alright losers, drop everything. Noel said he'll get us free drinks tonight." "Fuck's Noel?" "The bartender" Owen said. At the same time, Dave said, "My friend" and both he and Carl looked at Owen. "Yeah, the bartender. He's my friend." Dave said, "Do you know him?" "No. I mean, not in person. He works here, I guess. I mean, I see him sometimes. Not a lot. But, yeah, he's" "Yeah, whatever." Carl interrupted, "He's invited us to "guys' night" or some shit and he'll get us free drinks so let's go!" "Owen has to go home because-" "It's fine." Owen waved him off, "I'll stay for a while longer". Carl shrugged and all three of them walked out to the bar. Noel was standing behind the bar, handing drinks, taking orders, and cashing clients. His eyes lit up when he saw David and the men, and he had a crooked smile on his face. He was wearing a blue shirt with the sleeves tucked back revealing his forearm, over it, he wore a red jumper with his name tag on it. Owen could see a hint of a tattoo on his right arm, concealed by his sleeve. Noel was tall and slim, had shoulder length light brown hair, deep blue eyes, thin lips, and he barely stops smiling. His crooked smile made a dimple on one side of his face. Dave introduced him to the men, they smiled and shook hands. "You guys are really good. You make the magic happen", he addressed Owen while shaking his hand. Owen noticed Noel had a strong grip, big bony hands with long slender fingers, and immediately thought himself strange for paying attention to his hand and felt embarrassed. "Thank you. I couldn't do it without them" he smiled and pointed at Carl and David. "I'm Owen" "Yeah, Owen Matthews. I know." "Oh, uh- thanks?" The three of them looked at each other and laughed. "Alright, guys. Stop this now." Noel got three pint glasses out. "Three beers, then?" "I'll have a coke, please." Owen said. "Oh, you're..." "Nineteen." He showed him his wrist with a tag around it. "Well. I don't want to lose my job. Coke it is, then." Noel winked. "No, I'm serious. I don't want to drink any alcohol." Noel shrugged and brought them their drinks. The bar was busy so he couldn't keep his attention focused on them, and they were very distracted themselves. Owen saw a couple of girls walking towards him. They told him how good he was, took photos with him and asked what days he goes there. They left, giggling to each other, and others were next. David and Carl were socialising but Owen got most of the attention, followed by Carl, who was dragged by hand to some table full of girls that were too nervous to go and meet him. Owen had no chance to drink his coke, by the time people have calmed down and stopped harassing him, his drink was already flat. "Dude, where did your friend go?" Carl said to David. Owen looked at the bar and Noel was replaced by a different bartender. He didn't notice how long it's been, and felt disappointed. "I don't know, man. He was just right here." "That's rude, he can't leave. I haven't had enough free drinks yet." David laughed. "I don't know. He's a bit wayward, that guy." Owen checked his watch. Five minutes and I'll go, he said to himself. He had said to his father he'll go meet him the week before but kept making excuses. That night was when he said he'll go, and he promised. Although he couldn't bring himself to leave without saying bye to Noel, but Noel was already gone. "Miss me?" Owen heard a sound from behind him and looked. He failed to hide the excitement in his face. Noel was out of uniform, wearing a v-neck half sleeved grey t-shirt, enough of his tattoo was showing for Owen to know it was a snake. "I missed the free drinks really." Carl said. They all chuckled. "Please, have as many as you want!" Noel said, laughing. "Sorry I took off without saying," he addressed Owen, "it was the end of my shift and I needed to get out of those clothes." Owen waved him off. "By the way, your voice is mesmerising." Owen looked at him with his eyes wide open, flabbergasted. Noel smiled, which made Owen blush immediately. "'Thank you' might be the word you're looking for." Owen cleared his throat, "I'm sorry, thank you." Noel chuckled and patted Owen's shoulder. He noticed a necklace around his neck, tucked under his shirt. He grabbed it and slowly pulled it out, asking what it was. Owen moved his hand away instantaneously and tucked the necklace back. He then apologised for his reaction and Noel apologised for his intrusion, and they both sat in silence. The bar was slowly filling up with young men. Generic dance music was playing, not too loudly, in the background. It smelled of beer, sweat and testosterone. Owen felt dreadful as he never mastered the art of small talk. He didn't want to apologise again so not to seem too worried, and didn't want to let it go so not to seem rude. He hated his brain and his awkwardness. Noel was exchanging a few words with many different people. He spoke like he knew everyone for a long time. He started chatting with David, who was sitting on the other side of Owen, making the latter feel like a third-wheel. Owen checked his watch again. He listened to the two guys talk about the bar, about work, about life. They talked about how this guy called Jacob was an absolute asshole. Although Noel got a bit defensive, trying to come up with excuses for the Jacob's behaviour. Owen felt excluded and unwanted. After circling the rim of his glass for the 30th time, he decided to take his leave. "Hey, where to?" "I need to hit the road, it's getting late." "It's too late, really." He grabbed his arm and made a puppy face, "Stay for a while longer, please?" After he sat back down, Noel rubbed his forehead, "I do apologise for earlier. I really shouldn't have." Owen smiled, looked around him, then took his necklace out. It was a small butterfly with four different colours. Noel held it and looked at it excitingly. "It's beautiful." "It means... so much to me." "I'm really sorry." Owen waved him off and tucked his necklace back in. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Noel looking behind him, waving, and screaming 'JJ'. He turned around and there was a pretty young man waving back at Noel. He was thin and petit, had his long hair in dreadlocks, tied back in a ponytail with a long fringe covering the sides of his face. He wore a tie-dye shirt and had the most girly face that Owen has ever seen on a man. He watched him trotting past him, right into Noel's arms, and they were both locked in an embrace that seemed to last longer than that of friends. After they broke the hug, Noel craftily dodged a kiss from JJ, and sat on his stool while the latter leaned on the bar opposite him. The two men easily slipped into a conversation and it was flowing like a lazy river. Owen couldn't fully hear them, only noticed that JJ says "like", "oh my God", and "whatever" more than any grown man should. For the second time that night, he felt abandoned. There was a feeling of frustration mixed with envy and moroseness. Whether it's because Noel completely ignored him and forgot his existence, or because someone else was getting his attention, he didn't know. All he knew was that it was a bad feeling, and the longer he stays, the worse it will get. However, he couldn't look away. The feeling was slowly and steadily growing inside him the longer they chatted, peaking rapidly every time JJ touches Noel's body casually as he spoke. The tips of Owen's fingers making circles around the rim of his glass. One circle, then another, then another. He couldn't leave; he couldn't stay. How Deep is Your Love by BeeGees starts playing, and Owen unconsciously finds himself saying, in almost a whisper, that he loves the song. Noel turned to Owen in an instant, interrupting JJ mid sentence, "Would you like to dance?" Owen was perplexed. He looked around him and realised most of the couples dancing were men. He exhaled with a smile, "dance?" "Dance. Or... "Noel scratched his head, "are you not... interested?" he emphasised on the last word. "Oh, no!" he brushed his hair with his fingers, "I mean, yeah I'd love to." Noel offered him his hand theatrically, and the latter responded in the same way, both smiling at each other. They headed to the dance floor, leaving JJ behind. The beautiful melody has encapsulated and filled up the place, and reflected on everyone. In Owen's eyes, everything looked pretty. He put his arms on Noel's shoulders, who stood a few inches taller than him, and felt Noel's hands around his waist. Noel's bony, warm hands gave him a thrill and he wished there were no clothes separating them from his skin. He looked up at Noel; his piercing eyes, warm smile and soft hair falling as he looked down at him. He thought Noel looked beautiful. They didn't really move, merely rocked their bodies side to side slowly, not worrying about looking silly. For a few seconds, they didn't talk. The music swayed their bodies and nothing else existed. "Is this your first time working in a band?" Noel said in almost a sigh. Owen Nodded. "I worked solo in a theme restaurant before, then, well you could say I took a year long hiatus." "Did you write all these songs then?" "Yeah," Owen laughed, "Sure!" After a pause of Noel looking confused, Owen stopped laughing. "You're serious." Noel shrugged. "These are like, some of the most popular songs. Do you know anything about music?" He shrugged again with a smile. "Dear God." "I don't really listen to music at all, I just love listening to the sounds of nature." Owen laughed again. Noel looked him dead in the eyes. "I'm sorry, you're serious?" "I think music is limiting. There's so many beautiful sounds out there that you can't put in just four minutes." "Right... What about this song, then? Do you like it?" "Well," he paused for a few seconds, "Alright, you got me." Their chuckles turned into smiles, and they went back to being quiet. Owen closed his eyes and let his brain and body give in to the harmony. He felt Noel's forehead resting against his. In different circumstance, he would withdraw; but he didn't. His body surrendered and he was yearning for more. Noel's hands slowly rubbing his sides didn't bother him, either. The music got into his head, and the warmth of Noel's embrace put him in a trance; he was relaxed and his senses were heightened. He felt every breath Noel let out against his face, and inhaled him deeply. He couldn't tell which fragrance Noel used, it was something he's never smelled before. The song was slowly fading out and Owen knew it was time to let go. He sighed heavily and opened his eyes; Noel was looking down at him with half a smile and he smiled back. Just as the song has ended, he made an attempt to break the embrace, but was met by a grunt and Noel's hands firmly on his back. Noel was slowly approaching him. He knew what Noel wanted, and his body suddenly froze. He scanned the room with his eyes wide open, without moving his head. Too many people. His chin started quivering. He wondered if David and Carl could see him. Or if his boss was around. He wondered what the people that met him after the show would think, he thought of every single person he saw and felt their eyes on him. He wondered where JJ went. His head was crowded with thoughts and fears, and Noel getting closer wasn't making it any better. The closer he got, the more gorgeous he got; Owen was almost shaking in apprehension. He wanted to stop him, but was waiting for the right moment when it wasn't early enough to look like disinterest, or too late that the moment had already passed. Noel was only a couple of inches away from him when Owen thought it was the right moment to speak up. All he could muster was whispering Noel's name, making the latter freeze in place. "Sorry," Owen cleared his throat, "I'm sorry, I -" "Oh..." "I can't -" "It's okay." "Do this... here." Noel raised his eyebrows then sighed in relief. "Right," he tucked his hair away from his face and paused for two seconds, "Do you want to get out of here?" Owen smiled anxiously. "I live just around the corner, we could -" "Okay." As they walked, Owen didn't know what to do with his arms. He felt his phone and keys in his pocket, crossed his arms and uncrossed them, wrung his wrists and fixed his hair. He thought about texting his father but by the time he took his phone out, Noel said they're at his block. "Make yourself at home. I'll go in for a quick shower." Owen nodded and, as soon as Noel disappeared into the bathroom, he looked around the room. The place was really small; a studio apartment. It was barely furnished, pots of plants by the windowsill and in every corner, a king size bed with a dream catcher hanging over it. The smell of a freshly watered garden with a faint mixture of mint and jasmine was dominating the place. He sat by the edge of the bed and got his phone out. With shaking fingers, he texted "can't make it home tonight, sorry" to his father, put the phone back in his pocket, and took a deep breath. Listening closely to the sound of running water in the bathroom, his heart began to pound fast in his chest; he could feel every beat. He held his hands out, palms down, and noticed the tremors. He quickly withdrew them towards his body, crossed them and rocked back and forth. When the water current stopped, Owen's breathing turned into a loud gasp. Fingers curling around his arms, rocking faster, and eyes tightly shut. He must have not heard Noel coming out of the bathroom. Whether he stayed there a few minutes or a few hours, he didn't know. "Are you alright?" Noel said in a chuckle. Owen jumped making Noel chuckle more. "Jesus Christ, you startled me." "Oh, gosh!" Noel said, mockingly. Owen's phone buzzed in his pocket, making him jump a second time; a text from his father asking if everything is OK. "Anything you'd like me to get you? Water? Juice?" Owen shook his head, typing "Yes, promise." And before he could press send, Noel took the phone off him, put it on the nightstand, and straddled his thighs. "Bit jumpy, aren't we?" He stroked Owen's face gently while the latter followed his hand with his eyes. Owen tried to speak but had to clear his throat first. "I'm very nervous." "You're very tense." Owen nodded. He held Owen's quivering chin up, "You need to relax." With both hands on Owen's shoulders, he started kneading his muscles softly, moving down his arm and back up again. Owen opened his mouth to speak but was shushed by Noel. "Just relax." Owen closed his eyes and took a deep breath, enjoying the feeling of Noel's firm hands on his arms. The stress and fear slowly leaving his body as he exhales. The bulge in his trousers growing slowly despite him. Noel held both of his hands and kissed the right one, "relax this hand," he said, moving to his left hand, kissing it as well, "and that one." He then placed them both over each one of his thighs, and dragged them slowly until they reached his buttocks, then pressed them. Nirvana Ch. 01 "Oh, god," Noel hummed in pleasure, "You have no idea how much I've wanted this." "Really?" Owen said in a stutter. "Are you kidding me? I wanted to bring you here since the day I've laid eyes on you." Owen smiled hesitantly and blushed. He couldn't bring himself to say the same thing; his nervousness was getting the best of him. "You have no idea," Noel squeezed his butt with Owen's hands, "how hot you look on the stage." Owen took the hint and started pressing and groping Noel's ass. "Do you think so?" "Mhmm." He placed his forehead on Owen's, looking down at him lovingly, smiling as Owen's body froze up again. "You're a virgin?" "No?!" He responded automatically and defensively. After a pause, he added, "I've- been with girls before." "Not guys?" "Never." He held Owen's chin up and whispered, "It's a shame your body never got the appreciation it deserves." Owen looked up at him excitedly. He knew what was happening, but he didn't know if he was ready for it. Noel's lips were only centimetres away. "However," Noel continued, "I'm glad I get to be the one to amend that." Owen tried to swallow through a dry mouth, "What?" he uttered. Noel gave him a big, sly smile, exposing perfect white teeth. The dimple on his right cheek was exaggerate, making Owen want to kiss it. His blue eyes, stern, with all shades of lust. His smile slowly disappearing into a tender smirk. With his lips partly open, he leaned over and captured Owen's full, pouty lips. A moan escaped Owen's mouth uncontrollably, and his hands roamed up to Noel's back and neck, holding the side of Noel's neck, bringing him closer as they savoured each other's mouths in an agonising fit of lust. He completely forgot what he was so nervous about, and acted on impulse. All he ever wanted, right at that moment, was Noel. Noel then held a chunk of Owen's hair and drew his head back, causing Owen's mouth to open. He then introduced his tongue inside Owen's mouth with not a tiny bit of resistance from the latter. He explored the inside of his mouth slowly and gently, with his hand still firmly pulling on Owen's hair. Owen was moaning frequently in Noel's mouth, reciprocating, trying to dominate the kiss. His tongue twirling like a python with Noel's inside his mouth, and his hand wandering underneath his shirt over the soft skin of Noel's back. He sucked Noel's bottom lip into his mouth before penetrating his mouth with his tongue forcefully. He drew Noel's body closer to his, and the other reciprocated and took back control, assaulting Owen's mouth with his tongue, moving in and out, and sucking his lips in between strokes. They stopped to catch their breath, and Noel used the opportunity to throw his shirt off. Before Owen could get a chance to have a peek at Noel's body, his back was forced flat against the bed with Noel lying on his side next to him with one arm under his head. Owen barely took his breath before he was attacked by Noel, taking his lips in a fierce kiss. He opened his mouth to allow Noel in, and the latter didn't wait. While his lips passionately worked Owen's, his hand was slowly shifting over Owen's body, feeling his muscles, kneading them gently as his hand moved down to his inner thigh. Owen was suddenly aware of how close Noel's hand was to his engorged erection. Their kiss turned from gentle to relentless and assertive; Noel was blind with desire. It was all happening too fast for Owen to grasp. He was acting instinctively without thinking but his self-awareness finally kicked in, severely interrupted by Noel's ferocious kisses that made the blood rush through his body. His hand was firmly latched to Noel's shoulder, and he slowly moved it to grab his forearm and move his hand back up his body. Noel paused the kiss and gave him a gentle half smile, "Relax, baby." Words, like millions of stimuli, striking his receptors all at once. It only made him more nervous. He nodded repeatedly, allowing Noel to pick up where he left off. Noel was already aching for the taste of his lips; he gave him a heavy kiss, devouring him as his hand was planted on his thigh, rubbing gently. He could feel Owen's muscles twitching underneath his hand as he touched him, and the grip on his shoulder tightening almost painfully. As much as he wanted to ravage Owen, rip off his clothes and do everything he wants with him, he tried to have as much restraint in him as he could muster, for Owen's sake. He stroked his thigh as slowly as he could, kissing him lovingly and licking his lips. He moved to his neck, kissing just above his collar bone, feeling his rapid, hectic pulse against his lips. He sucked in the soft skin and pulled a patch of it between his teeth. Owen moaned softly, and moved his head closer to Noel's to take his lips again. The grip on Noel's shoulder loosened up as he slowly rubbed Owen's thigh, getting closer and closer to his pelvis. It constricted again when he unbuttoned Owen's jeans. He tried to keep him calm with soft, gentle kisses, as he unzipped his fly. He stroked his penis through his boxers, and, with a gasp, Owen's nails dug into his shoulder like claws. "Noel!" "Yes" He smiled and said in a husky voice, "I'll be as slow as you want me to be, okay?" Owen nodded and tried to take his breath. He placed his lips on Noel's to calm himself down, and tried to focus on not freaking out, telling himself a million times to relax. All he wanted was a couple of minutes to answer all the questions in his head, as he couldn't think clearly with Noel doing what he's doing to him. He knew he wanted him, but he wanted him at his own pace. As they broke one kiss and moved on to the next one, Noel's fingers were trickling down Owen's abdomen in feathery strokes, and stopped at his waistband. Noel deepened the kiss, sneaking his tongue back into his mouth, and gradually moved his fingers underneath the waistband, steadily introducing more of his hand inside his boxers. Only milliseconds away from touching Owen's cock, Noel felt the grip on his shoulder completely gone, and another adamant grip placed around his wrist. "Noel." "Owen?" Noel looked at him with a puzzled expression, and Owen softly shook his head. "It's, uh -" He sat up and Noel followed him. "Was I moving too fast?" "No!" He exhaled and held his forehead, "Maybe a little bit." "Christ." Noel rubbed his back lightly. Owen zipped and buttoned his jeans. The tenderness of Noel's hand was comforting enough to make him able to formulate sentences again. "Look, I just needed some time. This is all just new to -" He was shushed by Noel's finger against his lips and him mouthing "it's okay". He held Noel's hand in both of his hands and kissed it. "I know I can be a bit pushy." Owen murmured in agreement. "I also can't help myself around you." Owen chuckled. "I'm serious!" He laughed, and drew Owen's hand to kiss it, "I'll get a beer. Would you like one, too? It might help -" He paused when Owen shook his head, "Lemonade, then." He got up and walked to the fridge. For the first time, Owen could get a good look at topless Noel, and he was impressed. He could see every line of muscle and bone on his body, all in the right places; his flawless skin stretching over a big upper body and a slim waist, swaying as he walked. He cursed himself for stopping him. Nirvana Ch. 02 Comments and critiques are always welcome. Please do not forget to read the first chapter if you haven't already. ***** Round and round his fingertips went over the rim of the glass. His gaze was glued to the drink, going over what just happened a million times in his head. He couldn't get over it; neither could he tackle the awkwardness he'd created. The King of Fools strikes again, he thought. "Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. Seriously." Owen raised his eyebrows but couldn't bring his eyes up to face him. "This one's totally on me, I know I can be really bold." Owen exhaled with a smile, and waved him off. "I've never approached a guy before," he said, shrugging, "I just didn't know what to expect... Sorry." "Please, no need to apologise." He shook his head, contemplating, "I still don't understand how you've never been with a guy." He sipped his drink and shrugged, "Just never happened." He paused, "Honestly never thought I'd be that interested." His emphasis on 'that' made Noel's eyebrows rise with excitement; a final reassurance that Owen was genuinely into it. "Why, where are you on the scale?" Owen chuckled, "You know, if you asked me that a couple of hours ago I would have said straight, no doubt." "What do you mean?" His face was changing slowly; eyes like a dormant volcano about to erupt. Owen knew he had to choose his next words very carefully. "I mean, that's what I tell people. What I used to tell them, anyway." "Are you coming out right now? Is that what you're doing?" His tone was more accusatory than inquisitive. The glass in Owen's hand was on the verge of cracking under the strength of his grip. "I... guess?" He said in almost a whisper, before Noel got up, stormed to the kitchen and collapsed on a barstool. He didn't put his beer down until the bottle was empty. The force of the bottle as he slammed it down made such a loud bang, it caused Owen to jump off the bed. Noel sat quietly in what seemed like a prayer that lasted an eternity, tapping his fingers on the kitchen bar; Owen couldn't muster the courage to interrupt him. He got rid of his drink by pouring it in his mouth, and stood staring at Noel as his face turned red with anger. He pressed the bridge of his nose before finally breaking silence. "Owen, you need to go." His feet felt as heavy as his tongue did as Noel's words echoed in his ears. He urged him to repeat himself, hoping he'd heard him wrong. "Sorry, you have to go." "May I... " He cleared his throat then continued, "May I at least know why?" "I don't fuck straight boys." "I'm not." Noel interrupted him with a humourless snicker, "What, as of today?" Owen shrugged. "Not convincing enough." He brought himself another bottle of beer and downed half of it, "You're nineteen, Owen. You should have made your decision a long time ago, completely uninfluenced by me. If you have just changed your mind right now, you're either fickle or confused; either way, I don't want to be held responsible." "But, I'm not." "Again, if you want to convince me, try a little harder." Owen took a barstool next to him and stared him down. He knew Noel was just as disheartened as he was, yet he was tongue tied. For all he knew, he's always liked men. All through school, he had more intimate attraction towards his male friends than female ones; he knew there was something more to it than just a friendly bond. However, being The Gay Kid in school came with a heavy burden which he wasn't ready to lift. There was one gay kid in his school, and every other day he'd show up with a black eye or scabbed knees. He didn't want that, and he wondered how any gay kid makes it out of school without any psychological trauma. So, he buried it deep down under multiple layers of denial and attributions to being 'one of those things'. Even after school, asking a man out was not an option. His attraction to men has not hit hard enough for him not to care, not before he met Noel. He took a deep breath, gathered himself, and muttered the only sentence that he could manage. "Nothing has ever felt righter than this. When you were kissing me, there was nothing else I wanted except... more." "Owen," he squeezed his eyes, "What if you regret this in the morning?" "I'm a big boy," Owen smiled, "Let me worry about me." Noel brought his other hand to his face and covered it for a minute. There was something about Owen he couldn't quite resist. The way his lips quivered as he spoke, as he asked for more. He had a taste of those lips, and he too, wanted more. Owen was a big boy after all, Noel thought, and what's the worst that could happen. "Fuck it," he downed the remaining half of his drink, "Might as well break all the rules for you." Owen's heart jumped inside his chest, and he uncontrollably let out a "phew". He felt himself blush, and his cock twitching in anticipation. "More lemonade?" He shook his head. Noel was already drinking his third beer. "Told you, I can't help myself around you." He smiled subtly. "What rules are you breaking?" "Well, you should already know the first rule." "Don't talk about Fight Club?" Noel rolled his eyes, then laughed along with him. "Very funny." "Is it no straight boys?" Noel hummed. "Second rule, I don't bottom." Owen froze, realising what that had to mean. Not knowing whether or not he's ready for it, his lips moved despite him, "That's fine." "Are you sure?" "Absolutely." Liar, liar; he thought to himself. "Third rule, no mixed signals." He said, sternly, "Don't put your tongue down my throat, and then two minutes later ask me to take my hands off you." Owen laughed nervously, and blushed in embarrassment. "And, to make it easier for you," Noel continued, "Here's the fourth rule. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, no matter how far we have gone, do not hesitate to say so." Owen paused for a second, and said, "But wouldn't that be considered mixed signals?" "Don't be a smartass, you know what I meant." Owen couldn't help but laugh. He felt his blood pressure waning to normal level, he didn't know whether it was because they talked about it, or because Noel wasn't touching him anymore. He was less anxious, and more into it than he was when he walked in. He stretched his hands out, they were still shaking. "Fuck." He whispered to himself. "God's sake, I drank too much." Noel said, as he put down an empty third bottle. Owen hummed in agreement. For the first time that night, Owen had the chance to look at Noel's topless body. He had fair white skin, with an obvious mid-arm tan line. The outlines of his muscles weren't visible, but his body was toned to perfection. Streaks of light brown hair scattered over his chest, condensing in a line running along the middle of his abdomen. Owen could see the shadow of a tattoo right below his navel, obscured by the way he was seated. Another tattoo of a snake ran from his shoulder down to his forearm, which Owen thought looked beautiful. He wished he could touch it. Kiss it. Lick it. The idea of wanting to kiss Noel's snake made him giggle to himself. Noel felt Owen's piercing eyes on his body, specifically his tattoo. He felt exposed, yet confident. "Go ahead, touch it." He said with a half-smile, and Owen complied. He ran his fingertips delicately over its slightly raised edges. The snake's mouth was open, eyes shut, and a small knife was embedded in its mid-section. "I killed her. Four years ago." He said quietly, "I was in Australia. I rented a bed in some cheap hostel and found her hiding under there. I panicked, not knowing what to do, I grabbed my pocket knife and..." He ran his fingers through his damp hair, sighed and shook his head at the memory. He rubbed the snake on his arm, grimacing. "I was eighteen, and didn't know any better. A year later, I found out there was no way she could have harmed me." "She wasn't poisonous?" "Venomous." Owen rolled his eyes, and Noel continued, "And, no. She wasn't." He looked over at the snake, and gave it a broken smile. "I had to always keep her with me, to remind me of what I was. What I should never be." Owen found himself taking Noel's hand in his. They smiled at each other as Noel slowly tried to hide the sadness on his face. "Anyway," Noel shook his head and turned his body to face Owen, pointing at the tattoo on his stomach, he said "I know you'll like this one." It was the word 'Nirvana', inked in freestyle script horizontally below his navel. Owen placed his hand over it, feeling the warmth of Noel's skin. "Not the band." Owen squinted at him, "Seriously?" "I didn't even know the band existed before I got this." "Seriously? Who hasn't heard of Nirvana?" "A fifteen year-old white boy who thinks he's Buddhist?" he scoffed, "I thought about getting it removed after having like three people mention the band, but it still means a lot to me. Plus, it seems to get me laid more than my personality." Owen laughed nervously. A question about Noel's sexual partners or past relationships arose, followed by a dull sensation in his chest, which were immediately thwarted as he continued to stare at Noel's body and his obviously growing erection. "Do you have any other tattoos?" "No, that's it." He gave him a shrewd smile, and continued, "See for yourself." Owen's heart leaped as he watched Noel get up and reach for his beltline. He stared eagerly as he lowered the fly, exposing dark brown, trimmed pubic hair, and no trace of undergarments. His jeans dropped, and his cock sprung out. It was thick, longer than average, but not quite pornstar long, and adorned with bulky veins. The thick head was sheathed in foreskin, and the tip reached above the tattoo as it sprung up. "I came from a strictly religious family, so..." Noel said as he slowly pulled the skin back. Owen swallowed hard and frantically licked his lips. He couldn't take his eyes off Noel's perfect cock, more so after the glistening purple head was bared. He tried to get his heart rate under control, and felt himself heating up and shaking. His own trousers were tightening around his cock, and he couldn't wait to take them off. He held the back of his shirt collar and pulled it over his head. Noel took a look at the bulging muscles of Owen's arms, shoulder and chest; admiring how his abdomen was carved into a flawless six-pack. He could almost see every fibre stretching from one tendon to the other underneath soft hairless skin, merging into folds and shortening with every minor movement. He raised his eyebrows and wolf-whistled at him. "Please!" Owen laughed. "God's sake, where have you been hiding all this!" Noel extended his arm to touch him but was blocked, "Stop!" Owen pleaded, playfully. "I wanted to be a model, okay?" "A model?" "Yes, when I was younger. I went to the gym regularly, and decided not to stop going after that model phase had passed. Can you just," he waved him off, "You know." "Yeah, sure. One request, though." He placed his fist over his mouth, and coughed to stifle a laugh, "Can you give me a spin?" "Oh my God!" Owen yelled, as they both burst into laughter. He playfully stormed off, and Noel rushed after him. He reached out to grab him but ended up holding on to his necklace. He twisted it around his hand, pulling Owen towards him until they were facing each other. Owen winced in pain and clutched his neck; Noel quickly loosened the twist, necklace still in his hand. He looked down at Owen's crimson lips, flushed face and quivering chin. He could feel his warm, hectic breath on his skin, and watched as his eyes twinkled behind fluttering lids. "Not too late to back out, Owen." He said in a whimper, and Owen replied with a soft moan. Owen's eyebrows knitted in a frown, and he inhaled Noel's aroma deeply. He could smell a strong scent of beer in Noel's breath. The smell sent impulses through his brain synapses like fire, and to Noel's surprise, he lodged his lips into his with a loud sigh. The taste of beer and the sweetness of Noel's mouth gave him a high, leaving him helpless. He easily slipped his tongue inside, licking every last drop of beer he managed to get. With one hand at the back of Noel's head, he forced him forward, mashing their lips together, and sucking the soul out of him. Noel looped the necklace over his hand until it was snugly wrapped around Owen's neck. From the neck up, he turned every shade of red. The lack of oxygen to his brain added to his rush. He was so lost with the sensation that Noel was slightly taken aback, yet impressed, with how brave he had become. Grunts and deep moans echoed smoothly, dulling every hint of guilt dwelling in Owen's heart. He was only awakened from his state when Noel hooked his fingers under his beltline, and pulled him closer. He could feel Noel's cock pushed against the naked skin of his stomach, while his own was squeezed into Noel's thigh. He paused for a second before lust was back into action. He chewed on Noel's bottom lip while the latter rubbed his cock over his jeans, as his other hand held him down by a belt loop. The kiss was becoming more assertive, nearly violent. Owen's hands drifted all over Noel's body, the fading taste of beer rendered him more impatient, more earnest, and more chaotic. He was aware of Noel's hand over his crotch, unbuttoning his jeans. He knew at that moment that if Noel proceeded to fuck him, he wouldn't object. He felt his jeans surrender to gravity, moans uncontrollably escaping his lips into Noel's mouth. Noel broke the kiss briefly and rested his forehead on Owen's. "Still not too late, baby." "Oh, Jesus!" Owen protested, and took Noel's lips in a fierce kiss. Noel grabbed the back of his neck and slowly shifted towards the bed. He pushed him down, and straddled his stomach. Looking down at how vulnerable Owen was, face still red from exhaustion, black silky hair drooping on the bed, and eyes glistening with eagerness, he could tell Owen was putting effort into not tensing up, as a faint hint of a twitch manifested itself over his chin. He smiled at him reassuringly, and leaned forward to catch his lips. Owen moved up and met him half way. Their lips pressed together softly, and Noel let out a heavy sigh. His hair fell over Owen's face as he gently pushed him back down. He ended the kiss with a smile, sat up, and tied his hair back with a rubber band he had around his wrist. Owen watched anxiously and bit his bottom lip. He tucked his hair behind his ears and reached out to touch Noel, who then grabbed both of his wrists, pinned them down, and snatched his bottom lip hard between his teeth. He sluggishly drew it out, then planted soft kisses on his neck. "Remember the rules." He licked his neck up to his ear lobe and continued, "I won't do anything you don't want me to do." Owen was a squirming, flaming mess. He wanted him to stop talking, stop stalling, stop worrying. He wanted him to continue doing what he was doing. He wanted him. He freed himself from Noel's grip and ran his hands over his back, while Noel placed one wet kiss after the other on the soft skin of his neck. Every smacking sound made Owen's cock throb and rise in his boxers. Noel kissed down his chest, biting his nipple gently, extracting a high pitched pleading sound from between his lips. He sat up, positioning himself between Owen's thighs, and gave him a devilish smile. He pulled him up by the neck with long, bony fingers that covered most of it. The other hand hastily slid inside Owen's boxers, feeling him shiver under his touch. "You're so beautiful." Noel whispered. Words were held back behind Owen's teeth, and all he could do was pour into a kiss what he couldn't put into words. The grip closed around his neck as their kiss deepened. "Matthews, what are you doing to me!" Owen's sensory threshold decreased steadily. Every touch, kiss, and nibble sent currents of electricity bypassing his brain, going straight for his cock. He managed to keep himself quiet, but in his head, he was screaming for release. Noel wrapped his fingers around Owen's thickening cock, and the latter gasped in bewilderment, and buried his face in Noel's chest. The grip was a bit tighter than what Owen was used to. It was firmly balanced on the line between pain and pleasure; he wasn't hurting as such, but he knew he could be at any moment. Fingers constricting around him, alternating, milking. He felt precum leaking through his boxers. He covered his lips with Noel's, stroked his firm ass haphazardly, feeling the skin yield, while his other hand was buried in his hair. His moans increased in pitch and volume whenever the grip around his cock tightened. The air was too thick for him to take in, and he couldn't tell if that was because of the slender fingers around his neck or the ones around his cock. He forced his eyes shut, and grunted loudly. "Am I hurting you?" Noel hissed, reluctant to reduce the intensity of his clutch. Owen shook his head, "Please don't stop." He bucked up, bumping his cock into Noel's hand. Noel let go of his neck, leaving red marks on his skin. "Lie down." he howled. His face changing from playful and seductive to stern, and Owen didn't hesitate to obey. Noel was down on his knees on the floor, he held Owen's legs and yanked him forward so his ass was just at the edge of the bed. Owen's dick was fully and painfully erect under precum-stained boxers. He propped himself up on his elbows, and watched excitedly as Noel lowered his underpants, eagerly kissing every inch of skin he uncovers. Red and purple patches appeared like a trail; a map to where his cock was. Noel dropped down the boxers, hungrily kissed the soft skin where Owen's thigh met his abdomen. He planted his nose in Owen's thoroughly shaved balls and sniffed, breathing him in intensely. Owen could no longer hold himself up; he sank into the bed with a whimper. He felt a familiar powerful grip around his cock, and his eyes rolled back. "Last chance to back out." He plastered gentle kisses over Owen's genitals. Owen cried out, "Jesus Christ, fucking blow me already!" He couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth, it felt like he was hearing someone else. A smile formed on one corner of Noel's lips, but he quickly went back into stiff, serious mode. He took the head of Owen's cock into his mouth in one swift move, and the negative pressure in his mouth made the veins more engorged with blood. The warmth of his mouth sent waves of delight, paralysing Owen from the waist down. The sheets wrinkled in his hands, and he choked on his own breath, making a guttural sound in his throat. A look of sweet agony was painted on his face, his eyelids fluttered, and hips jerked up reflexively. Noel sucked him hard -maybe a bit too hard. He twisted his fist around the base of his cock, moving it up and down in harmony with his mouth, taking him in until he hit the back of his throat. With his other hand, he reached up and took Owen's hand, and smoothly stroked it. Owen adored that gesture more than anything. It felt intimate and sexy at the same time. He knew he was in good hands, he wasn't going to be disappointed, and he was absolutely certain that he trusted him. It was more erotic than anything he had experienced before. Owen's free hand curled in a fist, and he brought the knuckles to his mouth, biting down, silencing himself. It seemed like even that couldn't counter the waves of pleasure gushing through his lean, weak body. Delicate, faint moans were uttered, alternating with loud gasps in the moments he lost his concentration and let his guard down. Nirvana Ch. 02 With a few fast strokes and licks, Owen felt himself about to finish, but he didn't want it to end yet. He took his hand out of his mouth and held Noel's head, guiding him to a slower pace. He took two deep breaths, willing himself to calm down, but the feeling was more than intoxicating. Noel licked the full length of his cock from base to head, swirled his tongue around the frenulum, and teasingly licked his way back down. He loved the taste of it, the look of it, the smell of it. And, most of all, he loved how responsive Owen was. He loved the delicious sounds that came out of his mouth erratically. The haunting sob he made after he'd been holding his breath for longer than he should, and the yelp that came out when he teased him. He wrapped his mouth around the head, and felt the pulse in his own dick pounding strongly. His five senses were overwhelmed with ecstasy; he knew all it would take for him to finish was one tug. The fervour in his movements and velvet feel of his tongue made Owen lose the fight against his adrenaline. He was no longer keeping quiet -and he couldn't even if he wanted to. Steamy, deep, and loud grunts came of his mouth. His eyes shut tightly and shoulders rose off the bed. He thrust up in a spasm, and felt a rush run through his body. It was impossible for him to hold back any further, so he let his climax take over. With hectic, sexually charged screams, he squirted his semen into the back of Noel's throat, taking the latter by surprise. Noel drew him out, short of the head, and worked his hand firmly and rapidly, taking one shot after the other. Owen's back arched up in an awkward curve. He sighed and grunted incomprehensible words, clinging hard to Noel's hand. Noel swallowed the load with the head still in his mouth. When he was sure Owen had finished, he took him back into his mouth slowly, and licked the drops of cum that he missed. He didn't stop until Owen gestured him to. He took his hair out of the bun, rubber band back to his wrist, and threw himself on bed next to Owen. Moments passed with the two of them writhing and panting, tenderly looking at each other. No words were spoken, mainly because they both were worn out, but partially because Owen was too flabbergasted. He never thought for a second that he would enjoy it as much as he did, and he was too worried it will make things awkward; but it didn't. If it weren't for the gentle strokes of Noel's fingertips, tracing lines on his face with a smile of serenity, he wouldn't believe it were real. As he slowly regained composure, it suddenly occurred to him that Noel didn't get his release. He looked down, and Noel's cock was still hard -although not the hardest it can get. He thought about how much he wanted to do to Noel what he did to him, and was worried he won't be as good. What if Noel didn't enjoy it, he thought. A notion came to mind that maybe Noel wouldn't like him anymore; that he would ruin the beautiful thing they had. But, he quickly dismissed it as mindless paranoia. Noel saw the concern on his face, and could tell by the look of it what he was thinking. He pulled him in for a peck on the lips and spoke quietly, "Don't worry about me, okay?" He took him for another kiss, this time he captured his bottom lip and stealthily eased his tongue in. The salty taste in his mouth reminded Owen of what they'd just done. It made him groan lightly and prolong the kiss. "I've really enjoyed this. Really." Noel said. "Really?" Noel hummed in confirmation, and then chuckled. "You know, ever since I heard you singing on the stage, I wondered what your orgasm would sound like." "Oh Jesus!" He laughed, "Are you pleased, then?" "Absolutely!" He gave him light pecks on the cheek, "I've never been so close to coming without being touched." Owen's eyes widened and he felt his dick rise up, and he wondered if it was too late to give him what he didn't get. "But, don't worry though." Noel continued, "You don't have to do anything." 'But I want to!' Owen thought. It felt like Noel was drawing the line, and he had to comply. "Maybe next time..." Noel's voice trailed off at the end, and blood rushed to Owen's head. He tried to read Noel's expressions, but it was like a closed door with no keyholes. Next time? It seemed to him like a promise -an unwritten agreement. But there was no way he could hold his breath for that. "Speaking of next time," Noel regained his playful, flirtatious attitude, "Next time, I could do with a warning." Owen knitted his eyebrows in confusion. "You know." "I really don't." "I nearly choked!" "Oh!" He said, and covered his lips with his hands, "Oh my god, I'm sorry." "Stop it, it's fine." He elbowed him in the ribs. "It was hot, but don't do it again." Again? Owen studied his body language, looking for something -anything. There was nothing beyond the occasional volatile grin. Words came out with nothing to show for them. Noel fumbled in his drawers for a pair of boxers, and put them on. He tossed another pair to Owen. "I don't suppose you'll be wearing yours again, will you?" Owen laughed, "I need the toilet, actually." Noel automatically pointed to where it was, and lay back in bed. When he shut the bathroom door behind him, Owen had an old familiar gnawing feeling in his gut. One that he absorbed from the eyes of his audience after a good song, and found at the bottom of a bottle after a bad day. A feeling that left him empty, wondering what's next. The only way he could get rid of it was to indulge until he's drained. Play the next song; grab the next bottle, and the next one, and the next one. It was more tormenting than frustrating, and he was awfully aware of how inappropriate that was. Noel owed him nothing, yet in his head, he was a flippant tease throwing him a bone to see how closely he can follow, and how many hoops he can go through. Even with his cock buried in his throat, there was never enough of him. The worst part was that it all felt so dangerously temporary. So dishearteningly destined to end. He washed the parts of him that needed washing, and shook his head vigorously, the way he did when he needed to get his brain in line. A few slaps on his face, and a look of "what the fuck are you doing" stared back at him from the other side of the mirror. He fixed his hair and jumped into Noel's boxers. He hesitated at the door, like he used to do as a child, afraid that a monster will be out there waiting for him to come out. But, this time, and for the first time in his life, he wanted the monster to be there. And he was. He was still lying there, exactly where he left him, fully extended with his palms facing upwards. Owen took a quick glance at him, and all of a sudden he wasn't a monster anymore. He caught his breath and sighed of relief. "Did you like my bathroom?" Noel asked with his eyes still closed. Owen thought it was a strange question, and he had to think as he barely paid any attention to his surroundings. "I had it decorated myself." "Oh. It's really nice." Owen said spontaneously. After thinking long and hard, all he could remember was that it had hardwood flooring, white suite, a green shower curtain, and a pot of some sort of plant on the sink. There were also pebbles in the sink and around the tub. "I wasn't happy with the energy in this place when I first moved here, and the landlord only allowed me to decorate the bathroom. It was a good thing, because it's in between the east and northeast bagua areas. All I had to do was throw in a bit of wood and earth elements to get the energy I've always wanted." Owen was dumbfounded, trying to decipher the words coming out of his mouth. It annoyed him that he spoke with such confidence, as if it's what normal people do on a normal day-to-day life. "I managed to feng shui the apartment to keep the good energy flowing, but it's the bathroom I paid more attention to. Now I get a good Chi flow to support spiritual growth and good health." He gestured theatrically, "It's now my sanctuary." "Oh, that sounds..." Like a load of bullshit, is what Owen wanted to say. "Interesting." He tried to keep the sarcastic tone hidden, but he knew it had leaked out when he heard Noel snorting. Noel patted the empty side of his bed, and he joined him readily. "You know, Owen Matthews, I used to be like you." "Like me?" Noel hummed and spoke slowly, "Uptight. Scared and constantly worried. It wasn't easy, but I'm much happier now that I learned to let go, and love everything." Owen scoffed, "You mean when you became a hippie?" "Well," He made a face that was neither amused nor offended. It was one indicating he'd heard it, and said it a million times before. "I don't really like to limit myself by a label." "...is exactly what a hippie would say!" "You can say that, but I really just do whatever speaks to my soul." Owen thought it was futile to repeat himself, so he decided to nod away and let it go. He remembered he needed to send his father a text from hours ago, so he grabbed his phone and checked his inbox. There were many notifications from Facebook he couldn't be bothered with, and a text message from David saying "so I guess you're not coming home tonight then..." He mumbled "fuck" to himself. "You're wasting your life away on that thing, you know." Noel said, bluntly. "Excuse me, I'm texting my father." "Texting, texting, texting. Why is everyone obsessed with texting these days? Miss your father so much? Take the train and go visit him." "Yeah I was going to, actually. You stopped me, remember?" Noel shrugged as if to say 'oh well, you got me there', Owen smiled, tutted, and stared back at his phone. An intrusive hand stole his phone against resistance and a loud groan, and threw it on the nightstand. Another hand took hold of his necklace. "So, are you going to tell me what the deal is with this?" "Can you stop doing that? You could have cracked the screen!" Owen whined. It was impossible to keep a stern face against a grinning Noel. "Not unless you tell me." "Alright! I accidentally stepped on a harmless, peaceful caterpillar once." Noel cocked an eyebrow. It was obvious he didn't appreciate the joke. "You're a funny man, Matthews." Owen smiled apologetically and reflected. It had been roughly four months since he moved to New Jersey, and he made a promise to himself that he won't tell anyone about his drinking problem. New city, new beginnings, he thought; what's in the past shall remain in the past. It was him and David, and a whole life ahead of them. They met up with Carl, and formed their band, The Silver Lining. He wanted to be seen as a person, not a textbook case for pity; it was enough for him seeing that in David's eyes. Locking away the ghosts of his past seemed to be the only effective way he could move forward. He remembered the day David accidentally told Carl, and he didn't take that very well. The three of them then made a vow that it stays between them. He was dead serious about that vow, yet he was the one who's so gladly ready to break it. His mouth articulated against his orders, and he found himself easing into the subject as if he didn't threaten David and Carl it would be the end of their friendship, and subsequently the band, had they said anything. "I'm a recovering alcoholic." He muttered. Noel's soothing touch against his skin didn't falter, and his smile didn't recoil. The forlorn expression on Owen's face as he thought back made Noel brace himself for something big. He figured an overreaction was the last thing Owen needed, and kept a calm demeanour. "I've been clean for over five months." He took the butterfly in his hand and forced a smile, "My baby sister gave it to me, and it's been my mascot ever since." Noel took his lips in a soft kiss, as words seemed too insignificant. Too useless. His heart sank upon seeing vivid images of a shivering, vomiting, weeping Owen curled up on an unmade bed. He struggled not to take him in an embrace and apologise. All he could do was kiss him, and hold his hand; and it was also all Owen needed at that time. "It's fine, really. I'm fine." Owen faked a smile that quickly faded into a frown. The hint of crystalline tears started to form under his eyelids. They both knew he wasn't being honest. "I've moved cities, started from scratch, but it's still there. It's always there, and it only gets worse. I have to fight it every day." Noel squeezed his hand to get his attention, and emphasised on his words, "You don't have to fight it alone." Owen eagerly took him in his arms, and pressed his own faint, shaking body against his. They kissed delicately, lips warm with passion and teeth cluttering clumsily. Noel cradled his head against his chest and soothed him like he would a frightened child. It had been the first time in years that Owen felt safe, and it wasn't long until they were both fast asleep in each other's arms. Rays of sunlight shined on Owen's face in the early hours of the morning, and he woke up in a haze. His watch read 5:38AM, and Noel was still soundly asleep next to him. It took him a few seconds to recollect memories of the rollercoaster that was the previous night. What started as a good gig followed by fun, dancing, and drinks, ended up with him breaking a vow, coming out and sleeping almost naked in a bed with another man he's never spoken to before. He rubbed his forehead, and glanced at the door. All he could see behind that door was reality, ready to hit him as hard as it possibly could. He'd walked through that door the previous night as a straight man, and he'll walk out of it as a gay one, with all the pressure the word entails. Behind that door was responsibility, fear, and rejection; the things he had been running from all his life, hiding behind a straight man mask. For a second, he thought he should never leave. Stay there and delay it for as long as he could. After all, Noel said it was a sanctuary. He took a look at Noel and wondered how he could handle it; how anyone could handle it. He wondered if in his early morning state of sobriety, Noel would reject him, too. A shudder ran through his spine. It was nothing but a one night stand, he thought, and he had no reason to stay there. Plus, the longer he delayed stepping out of that door, the more difficult it will become. Tip-toeing through the room, he collected his clothes, phone, and keys, and walked out. Noel woke up half an hour after that, other side of the bed already cold, and there was no trace of Owen anywhere. He shook his head and sighed of disappointment.