10 comments/ 31321 views/ 27 favorites Muscle and Music Ch. 01 By: domiroa The fucker across the hall would not stop playing Beethoven. Its pissing me off. It's three in the morning, I'm tired as hell, I have to get up at 6:00 AM, and the new neighbor doesn't understand the fucking building rules. I groan and pull my pillow over my head, trying to drone out the noise from across the hall. I have yet to see this damn new neighbor, who moved in a week ago, and who apparently has a habit of making a fucking racket when normal people are trying to sleep. I throw an arm over my head to block out the stream of moonlight that falls over my pillow- I guess the world just doesn't want me to get any sleep tonight. My thoughts drift away to buildings and contracts and marble, but again I am jolted back to the present by the persistent music. Finally, after another hour of hell, the music stops and I immediately fall asleep. The next morning I wake at five, as usual, and feel like my eyes are coated in sand. I painstakingly open my eyes to the silence of the grey dawn, normally of my favorite part of the day. It's warm and quiet but I can't appreciate it because I'm so damn tired. If that fucker tries to pull that shit again tonight I'm going to go over to his place and let him know how it works here. I wrench myself off my mattress and pull on a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt, searching blindly in the half-dark light of morning for the refrigerator. I manage to find some leftover pizza for Bear, my giant black lab mutt, and make coffee for myself before grabbing my keys and heading out the door. Bear follows me as usual but while I lock the front door behind me, instead of trying to lick my leg off or chasing his tail, he eagerly gallops down the hall to where the door to my new neighbor slams shut before I can get a glimpse of the person. After a long, hot day on the site and a hasty dinner with Paul and Shawn, I head home. I really enjoy owning my own construction company, especially since it's doing well and I'm only 28, but it's also a pain in the ass because I have to work as hard as I can everyday to keep up my company's reputation. And that's not easy when shit keeps me up all night. I walk along the semi-crowded street toward my building, past the noisy restaurants and florescent convenience shops, and watch the people around me spin in their own little spheres. It's nice living in the city on nights like this, where so much is happening and there are so many people but somehow they all fit together and manage to get along. Sometimes, increasingly, I feel lonely walking past these people with their bright lives and their bright families. But most of the time, including tonight, I just like to walk next to them and observe, on my way to my small, quiet, adequate apartment. I guess I'm not lonely, although my younger sister lives 300 miles away and my parents simply don't live anymore. They passed away in a car crash five years ago, but I don't think about that often for my own sanity. Instead, I focus on my company, and Bear, and email my sister Sophie often. No, I thought, as I strolled along, Just because I'm alone doesn't mean I'm lonely. My good mood lasted all of about ten minutes until I got home and heard that fucking music from across the hall. Bear loved it though, he went nuts running around the apartment trying to figure out where it was coming from. Damn adorable dog. I reread some contracts for a few minutes, thinking about two-by-fours, then put away my work and picked up Empire Falls. I read for a while then turned out the lights around eleven, trying to make up for the sleep I missed last night. I barely closed my eyes when I heard the music start up, Clementi tonight, start up. I sighed and clenched my eyes shut, willing my anger to subside. After as long as I could take thrashing around trying to sleep (about ten minutes) I lept up, pissed as fuck, and without even putting on shoes or a shirt strode over to the new neighbors door and banged on it. Hard. But the music continued, and at that point I was so tired and pissed off I was ready to kick in the door. I pounded as hard on the door as I could, and I heard some wood crack. The door was wrenched open as I raised my hand to knock again but as I looked up into the eyes of my new neighbor, I froze. I vaguely registered that his face was attractive (straight nose, white teeth, dark, soft-looking longish hair, tanned skin) but of course, like every sappy love story ever written, it was his eyes that made me freeze. Of course, I cursed in my mind. In all my life I have only once ever seen that same shade of gold. It was in a quarry where I was working when I was nineteen and me and some other workers had just poured the tile mixture into the mold. Before we added the red paint the mix had been the most unusual color I had ever seen, a dark gold with gentle swirls of yellow, brown, oak, and so many subtle shades that I could barely even name the color. It wasn't gold, it wasn't brown, it wasn't tawny, it was a combination of all those, and it changed with the light. At that quarry eight years ago I had stood dumbstruck, as I did now, unable to move past the power of the color. "Yes?" My neighbor asked, those eyes moving down the length of my body. I was suddenly very conscious of my larger body, tall and muscular from construction. I glared at the man's face, and couldn't help noticing that it was an open, friendly one, looking like a smile was always waiting. I mentally slapped myself than shifted my feet. "Your music is keeping me up," I growled, while taking in the rest of the man. He was shorter than me, but everyone is, and the fact that I noticed that didn't surprise me. What did surprise me was that I also noticed his dark blue t-shirt, which hid his sleek, well-formed muscles. He had a nice lean figure, and his muscles looked too appealing for my comfort zone. What the hell, I thought to myself when I attempted to swallow and realized my throat was dry. This was a man, like myself, and I was reacting stronger to him than I ever had to a woman. The man's eyes snapped back up to mine, amused, and I could see his lip twitching. The fucker was laughing at me. I wanted to bite his lip. "Well how strange, I've always been told that Clementi often puts grouchy people to sleep," He said back, leaning against the door frame and crossing his arms over his chest. He raised an eyebrow at me, a mischievous smile on his face. His eyes looked straight into mine and I felt so jumbled up, and I didn't understand it. Why was my heart pounding? Why was this guy different from everyone else? I stood straighter and clenched my fists together to avoid punching the douche bag. "Listen man, I don't give a shit what you do from seven to five but until then I would appreciate it if you would shut the fuck up because like it or not, I live here too and I have shit to do that cant be done with your damn music disrupting the peace." I spat, recognizing my unreasonable anger but not completely understanding it. The man held up his hands in a Who, Me? kind of way. "Hey don't get mad, I'll consider turning it down a bit," He said, still clearly amused at my anger. I cursed under my breath and felt frustration and something else curling in the bottom of my stomach. "It's fucking keeping me up every night! I can let this go or I can make your stop it, and I promise you that if you don't cut that shit out I will be on your ass and you will be spending the next week or so in the hospital." Now I was fucking pissed, if the next thing this man said was a threat I would be on his ass faster than he could blink. The man gazed at me for a minute, his eyes still moving slowly down my (me now realizing,) almost naked (boxers) body. His eyes ran leisurely up my frame, pausing on my bare chest, and I became too aware of my bare skin. His eyes flicked back up to mine and my heart jumped, and the heat in his gaze shocked me and sent a jolt straight down to my feet. And other places in my body. "Honestly," he said, grinning arrogantly in a way that made me want to punch him, "I would very much enjoy you being on my ass. But for now, I'll just turn the music down and we will save the pleasantries for another time." His eyes were laughing at me, but they still held desire, and they flicked down to my bare chest one more time. I stood shocked as he grinned one last time than shut the door in my face. Muscle and Music Ch. 02 Every step felt like a butchers knife was slicing my leg. Today at the site, a door we were putting in fell on my leg and maybe broke a bone, or at least that's what it feels like. I limped slowly up the dark stairs to my apartment, clutching the railing like it was a lifeline. My head was spinning from the pain and my vision was starting to dull at the edges. I needed to get upstairs into my apartment so I can take some painkillers and ice the bruises. I blearily glanced up to the top of the stairs, wondering if I could make it, then grasped my leg and pulled it up one more stair. Suddenly, a door opened above me, but I keep my gaze on my leg, willing it to stop hurting. "Hey man, are you okay?" I knew that voice. It had been keeping me up the past few weeks. My new neighbor appeared at my side and I looked up into his face and looked down again quickly when his gold eyes meet mine. My heart thudded and I think I might have even blushed a little bit. FUCK why do i feel like a fucking teenager around this man? "I'm fine." I growl. For some reason I feel the need to be mean around him. He grasped my arm and I jerked violently out of the way, a little too hard because I stumbled a little and landed on my bad leg. "Shit!" I gasped heavily as pain races through my body. "You are definitely not fine, stop being stubborn a let me help you." My neighbor said patiently, grabbing my arm again before I could protest. A shock of electricity shot up my arm where he touched me, and I almost pulled away. But the pain was so intense that I allowed my neighbor to put his arm around my shoulder and hoist me up the stairs. Through the pain I looked down at his dark head near mine and noticed how soft his hair looked, how tan the skin is the covers his sleek muscles, the light silky hair of his arms that I have a sudden desire to feel. He was smaller than me, but most people were. His grasp felt gentle although he held me firmly, and for a moment I let myself register how nice it felt. He lifted his head to meet my gaze when I stopped moving, and I felt a jolt in my ribcage when his intense eyes meet mine. I frowned and heaved myself up to last stair, almost collapsing. "Woah hang on there, let me help you," my neighbor said, and with his help and my last remaining strength, we limped to my door. I shoved the key in the lock and pushed the door open, grinding my teeth against the pain, and he pulled me in and helped me onto my couch. I sunk down with my eyes closed, and slowly felt my leg gently for the break. There it was, in my femur. I hissed when my fingers close over the bone. Shit, I thought, I'm going to have to go to the hospital. Bear jumped onto the couch next to me, whining, and looking up at me with his big innocent eyes. I patted his head and he nuzzled into my side, which I'm sure looks ridiculous, as he is a huge fucking dog. But I smiled through the pain despite of myself, and scratched under his ears. Bear would always love me, and that was enough, right? "Hey...man, can I get you anything?" My neighbor asks. His voice sounds a little strange, and I remember that he's here, in my private apartment. I open my eyes and stare up at him, as he stands next to me, looking at me in a very concerned way. I stare back for a second, not really thinking about what he said, and more about how tan his skin is, and wondering if it's real. He must be a swimmer, his body is too sleek and toned for any other sport. His limbs are long and lean, and he looks graceful. Then I glance up into his eyes again, and my heart stumbles, and I realize, finally, that I've just been angry that he's making me feel something. I've been surviving so long on numbing the world. He bends down so we're at eye level and gently puts his arm on my shoulder, I think to get my attention. I look at his hand, and dazedly enjoy the frisson that runs through my body. My eyes follow his arm up to his perfect shoulder, then to his neck that I have to urge to suck on, to his beautiful mouth that is moving, speaking to me. I want to swallow his words. Finally, my eyes travel up his straight nose to his eyes, which are gazing into mine with genuine concern and worry. "What's your name?" He asks again, softly, his melodic voice sending shivers through my haze. "Vaughn" I growl through my teeth, unable to make myself sound like a normal human being. My leg throbs and I curse, and my eyes snap out of their reverie and onto my leg. "I'm Laurie." He says. Of fucking course he is. "Isn't that a girls name?" I hissed as I tried to stand, and Laurie rolled his eyes before also standing and grabbing army arm to help me. "Thanks for that. It's short for Lawrence, actually." Whatever. I dont care. I dont care. I brace my good leg, and Laurie--without asking me--throws my arm over his shoulder and helps me take a step. "Where exactly are you trying to go?" He asks and I can hear the laughter in his voice. "You clearly need to go to the hospital." Thanks Captain Obvious. I growl something, not sure it's really a word. It's probably best if I don't try to talk, I'll just cuss him out. I force myself to take another step, and a huge slice of pain stabs through my leg. I clench my teeth as hard as I can to keep from crying out, my I can feel Laurie's unusual eyes on my face, scrutinizing me, and I turn my head so he doesn't see me too clearly. "Seriously, stop moving, you're only going to hurt yourself more," He says gently, and he's probably right. His arm holding me up is strong, and through my pain, a fleeting thought comes to me that I'd like to feel his arms on other parts of my body. I shake my head in shock, and Laurie must have taken this as a protest to his statement. "Fine, since you refuse to help yourself, I am going to drive you to the hospital myself." He states firmly, and hauls me out of the room. I find my voice, and my balls, and try to stop. "It's fine, I can drive myself." I wrench myself from his grasp and almost fall to the ground. I can see the edges of my vision getting a little fuzzy and my leg feels like it's splitting apart. He grabs me again, and stands me upright, then pulls me along the corridor. "Obviously, you can't. And I should probably pay you back for keeping you up these nights, as you clearly object to good music," he says, holding me tighter to his side. I'm not entirely sure how he's getting me down the stairs, as I think I have at least thirty pounds of muscle on him, and three or four inches. But I'm in too much pain to protest at this point, and I'm not stupid enough to think I can drive. I could call some of my buddies, but it seems like too much effort at this point, and we're almost down the stairs. I make one last attempt to prove that this is not what I should want, and try to pull free of his grasp. Laurie laughs and pulls me back, and his support of my weight feels good--too good--and I don't really want to pull away again. "Why are you being so difficult? I'm just trying to help, since you clearly can't walk on your own. Do you want me to carry you?" He teases, and I glare at him. "You couldn't carry me." I say through clenched teeth, and Laurie laughs again, and I hate his laugh. "Oh I think I could, even if you do have all this nice muscle and resolve against me," He says lightly, and pulls me towards his car out front. It's a Crown Vic, and I almost laugh out loud. "An old cop car? Really?" I ask, and Laurie looks at me, smiling. "Hey now, Meryl has character, and I'd bet my piano that you have a truck." Laurie retorts, leaning me against the side of the car and opening the door. I do have a truck. Fuck him. An image beings to form in my mind and I immediately stake it out. I can't look at him, or he'll know that I was about to imagine him naked. I get in and Laurie strides around to the other side and gets in. He has classical CDs everywhere, and receipts, and bottles, and a fucking frying pan, and a little tree air freshener giving off a minty scent. "My little slice of home," Laurie says fondly, patting the dashboard. I just stare at him, amazed that I'm even in his car, so close to him, and he's acting like this is the most normal thing in the world. He slides the key into the ignition, and we drive off, me glaring resolutely out the window. I couldn't see what Laurie was doing, but I'm 99% sure he was trying not to laugh at me, and I wanted to punch him. Or kiss him. Hard. He put a CD in the music player, and strands of Haydn's Opus 33 played softly throughout the car. Is he playing this music just to piss me off? "Really?" I spat at Laurie still not looking at him. He laughed for real this time, and I glanced over to see him grinning but not looking at me. One hand was on the steering wheel, his long arm bend slightly, lightly muscled and tan and too inviting. The other hand tapped the rhythm of the music on the window ledge, perfectly in time, and I noticed how long and adept his fingers looked, and I felt a lower part of my body stir. "Seriously, what do you have against classical music?" He asked, eyes still on the road. "I don't have anything against classical music, except when it's 3:00 in the morning and I'm trying to sleep," I growled back at him. Laurie grinned again, and glanced at me. His eyes met mine and I could tell he was curious about me, but I was scared shitless by him. I turned my head to the straight out the window and tried to think about neutral, boring things. Paint thinner. Trigonometry. Siberia. "What do you do that makes you have to get up so early?" Laurie tried again, and I could feel his eyes on me. I didn't answer. "Come on, Vaughn, I'm taking you to the hospital. At least be sociable." I could hear the humor in his voice, but he was right. My parents had raised me to be polite. A sharp pain laced threw my heart, but I calmed it, and tried to ignore it. I sighed. "I'm a contractor, and I own my own company, so I have to be on site early and go over plans and make sure everything is ready for the day. I also happen to like the morning, when I am awake enough to enjoy it." "Well that was the first sentence I've heard you use without a swear word in it" Laurie said, and I glared at him. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? I didn't want to be here, and my leg was hurting so much my vision was fuzzy, and this man made me feel off balance and unsure of myself and I didn't like it at all. And I still didn't know how to handle the fact that he was a man, and I was a man, and he was like a magnet and I was a damn paper clip. Then I sighed and rubbed my eyes. Fuck. I was acting like a child, and Laurie was really being nice to drive me to the hospital. From the way I act toward him, he could have easily left me to fend for myself. Laurie must have liked the expression on my face, because he grinned at me, and said, "Okay, that was uncalled for. That's cool that you own your own company. Do you want to know what I do?" Well now he's just making awkward small talk. "No." I said resolutely, and Laurie laughed again. "You are a piece of work" he said laughing and parked the car. We were finally at the fucking hospital. I started to get out of the car but Laurie grabbed my hand and startled, I looked into his eyes. "And you seem to hate me. But I like a challenge," he said softly, and his eyes bored into mine. I was frozen, staring into those depths, my heart hammering. His hand was still on mine, warm and comforting and simultaneously electrifying. I almost couldn't move, but my dick could, and that snapped me out of it. I almost lept from the car, but my fucking leg wouldn't let me, and luckily a nurse who was standing outside smoking ran over to help me. When I was safely ten feet away, I turned to look at Laurie. He was standing outside the car, making sure I was okay. I nodded roughly at him. "Thanks." I mumbled, and he grinned, shook his head, and got back in his car. I turned away and I could almost hear his laugh as he drove away. After four hours, two x-rays, and a stupid looking splint later, I was released from the hospital. Luckily, the break was just a very minor fracture, and would be healed in about six weeks. Sitting in my apartment that night, listening to the much softer than usual strands of piano waft through the building, I thought about Laurie. It had been nice of him to help me, considering he didn't know me, but he acted way too familiar for my comfort. Or maybe I was just uncomfortable because I was sexually attracted to him--okay, that's an understatement--and I'd never felt this way for another man before. Granted, I hadn't felt this way for a woman either in a while, maybe ever. My buddies teased me about not having a girlfriend, or at least getting laid on a regular basis, but for a while now I just haven't thought about it that much. I've just been buried in work, which is how I like it. I rubbed my eyes tiredly, and thanked the powers that be that the hospital had given me enough morphine to last the night. I slowly rose and pulled off my shirt and shoes, and the basketball shorts the hospital had given me after they removed my jeans to put on my splint. I sank onto my bed, so tired I could sleep for a lifetime, and Bear jumped up and lay down next to me, resting his head on my chest. I reached down to pet him, and didn't even pull the covers up before I was asleep. Muscle and Music Ch. 03 I awoke the next morning at 8:00 AM to my phone ringing. I groaned, bleary-eyed, and yanked the phone to my ear. "Yeah?" I whispered into the mouthpiece, and my co-worker Paul answered. "Hey man, are you okay? We heard about your leg, that blows dude," Paul said, and I could hear the sounds of construction in the background. Shit I cursed to myself, I was late for work. "It's fine," I said as I eased myself upright, trying to ignore the horrible pain in my leg. "I'll be there in twenty minutes." "Are you kidding?" Paul asked, laughing, "There's no way you're coming in today. Just stay home and take it easy for the next few days. We have this under control, there's no point in hurting yourself more." I frowned and patted Bear, who had just jumped onto my bed next to me. I winced as his tail thumped my leg and pain shot through me. "Thanks man, I really appreciate this. I'll be back as soon as I can." I told Paul, cursing the damn door that incapacitated me. "It's fine, you have trained us well, Sensei! It's nice to see you're actually human for a change." Paul said laughing. Not sure how to respond to that, I mumbled something and hung up the phone. Bear lay down next to me, resting his head in my lap, and I fell back down. Almost immediately, I was asleep again. I awoke again at 11:00, and popped some pain pills immediately. The apartment looked brighter than usual, and the sounds of the street below drifted up to my window. For a second I relaxed into my bed and enjoyed the quiet, sunny space around me. My leg felt like an entire house was sitting on it, but I ignored it and tried to remember the last time I had slept this late. It's been a long time, I mused to myself, and briefly wondered when my life had become so robotic. I pushed the thought from my mind and flipped open my phone. There were a few texts from Paul and James, asking about pipes. I replied to their messages, then closed my phone and stared around my apartment. What was I going to do today? Paul was right, they had the site under control, and I had already done all I needed to do on the upcoming projects. Bear decided to sit on my lap, which is a big fucking deal when your dog weighs 80 pounds. I groaned and Bear licked my face, panting like the oaf he is. "Okay pooch, let's get up," I sighed, and pushed Bear off me. He thumped into the kitchen, awaiting his breakfast, and I slowly eased myself up. I dragged myself to my kitchen, opened a cabinet, and threw some dog food in Bear's bowl. I also made coffee, and put some water in Bear's water bowl. He lapped up some water eagerly, and I felt instant guilt that I hadn't fed or given him water last night. I leaned against the counter, drinking my coffee, and watching the sunlight stream through my window. It was so warm and peaceful in my apartment, and if my leg hadn't been trying to detach itself from my body, it'd would be a damn perfect day. Then, of course, someone had to fucking knock on my door. And I knew who it was. And my fists clenched involuntarily, and my heart started to thump quickly. What could I say to Laurie? Sorry for being an asshole yesterday? I don't understand why I'm attracted to you and I don't know how to deal with it? Will you kiss me or leave me so I don't have to decide? I briefly considered not answering the door, but Bear was barking up a storm and Laurie had to know I was there. My leg was broken--where else would I be. I put my coffee cup down and limped to the door, pain lacing through me with every step. I undid the latch and pulled the door open, my heart beating uncontrollably. It was my landlord asking for rent. For the rest of the day, I tried to find things to do and tried not to think about Laurie. I didn't think about his laugh. I didn't think about his dark head, or teasing grin. I didn't think about his fingers, and how nice they looked. I didn't think about his body, and what I didn't want to do to it. And I didn't think about his eyes at all. I tried to read, and I tried to do work, and I even tried to take a nap, but nothing worked. Finally, around 5:00, Bear was way too restless so I decided to let him out. I felt bad for cooping him up all day long, usually I walk him in the morning, when I get back from work, and at night, but I'd been too chicken to walk him this morning. The pain meds the hospital had given me were very strong, and I was feeling a little loopy but the pain had dulled. I put on some basketball shorts and a soft sweatshirt. I limped over to Bear, who was literally jumping up and down, and put on his collar. "Hey now, you have to take it easy on me until we get to the park. I'll take you off your leash there, but until then, don't break my other leg!" I told him, ruffling his fur. I think I'll just take Bear to a big lawn, take his leash off, and sit down, I thought. He jumped out the door in front of me, and I barely closed it before he tugged me along. I fell forward but caught myself on my good leg. My eyes snapped to Laurie's door, which was closed thank god. I locked my door quickly and tried to heard Bear towards the stairs, but of course, he bounded over to Laurie's door, sniffing it excitedly. "BEAR!!" I hissed, limping over to him. "COME!" But the door opened before I could pull Bear away, and my heart sank and I looked up to see Laurie grinning at me. Those eyes were alight with amusement and I could almost feel them burning me. "Hey there neighbor," He said, and his voice sent shivers down my spine. I nodded gruffly and tried to pull Bear away, but he pushed past Laurie and into his apartment. "BEAR!" I called sharply, shocked that he had just pranced into Laurie's apartment. Laurie laughed and walked in after Bear, and I had no choice but to follow him. I stepped into Laurie's apartment and stopped, just staring around me. There was sheet music EVERYWHERE. Taped to the walls, on the chairs, on the kitchen table, and surrounding the piano that was in the center of the room. It looked like a hurricane had hit, and I watched as Bear ran around the room, sniffing everything, and especially sniffing Laurie, and was bending down to play with him. My eyes went back to the piano, and something clicked. Then I looked around again, and on the bookcase next to me, saw a plaque that said "Lawrence Deviviller, Piano, Philharmonic Symphony". I looked up at Laurie, again, slightly amazed. He played piano for the Philharmonic Symphony? The Philharmonic was one of the most prestigious symphonies in America, and one of the best in the world. Had it been Laurie playing the piano, and had I been telling one of the best pianists in America to stop playing? I cursed to myself, and wanted to walk away. How is it possible that I have been this rude to Laurie? Why can't I just be normal?? Bear was now trying to tackle Laurie in adoration, and Laurie was laughing and scratching his ears. Laurie's hair was in a small ponytail, and his lean frame looked great as usual in a grey sweater and black pants. He looked like the professional that he was. "Bear." I said, and Bear immediately dropped off Laurie and came over to me. I stepped further into the apartment, and closed the door behind me, letting Laurie's eyes meet mine, and I held his gaze for once. Laurie grinned, like he knew all about the war that was going on in my heart, but as our eyes met, the confusion that I felt melted away and was replaced by a burning desire to know Laurie both mentally and physically. Maybe that feeling, which I'd never really felt before, was actually all that mattered. Maybe this was never going to make sense to me, but maybe that wasn't nearly as important as what was happening. Laurie broke the gaze and walked over to the kitchen. He stood and poured himself a glass of water, and I watched how his black pants gently hugged his ass and I could feel myself getting hard. "Want some water?" He offered me, and I shook my head. "No thanks." I still had no idea how to act around him, and I was uncomfortable, and I didn't know what to do with my hands, so I shoved them in my pockets. I cleared my throat. "Um, thanks for all your help yesterday," I said, and Laurie walked over to me. "No problem," He said, and the side of his mouth twitched, probably remembering how brusk and rude I'd been. Whatever. I never asked him to help in the first place. His gaze ran over my body, and I could feel my skin heat up where his gaze fell. Unfortunately, his gaze fell at my crotch, and I wondered if he could see my hard-on beginning to grow. But then his gaze dropped to my leg. "How does your leg feel today?" He asked, concern in his voice. I shrugged; I had actually forgotten about my leg, being in such proximity to Laurie. "I'll survive," I said, and Laurie grinned at me. Thanks to him, I'll survive. Or he might be the death of me. I nodded at the piano, and I saw the recognition in his gaze. He knew that I knew who he was now. "So that's been you, playing all these nights?" I asked. Laurie watched my expression closely, and I wished I could read his mind. "Yeah. Well, mostly. A few times it was the stereo." He looked at me, and I couldn't tell at all what he was thinking. "The stereo plays louder than I do." My gaze snapped to his and I frowned. "You were trying to be loud at 3:00 AM?" I asked, annoyed, despite the fact that he was a professional. Laurie grinned at me. "Well yeah, I had to draw you out of your shell." He smirked at me, and I could feel my blood boiling and my heart pounding. "What the fuck for?" I asked, dreading the answer but also needing it. "To meet my new neighbor, obviously," Laurie said smiling at my reaction, and probably loving it. I raked my hand through my hair, telling myself it was anger and not excitement that I was feeling . "Are you always so angry?" Laurie asked, taking a few steps closer to me. "No." I growled, staring into his eyes and feeling very hot. "You just make me mad." Laurie grinned, and of course his teeth were fucking perfectly straight and white. "Why is that?" Laurie asked, taking another step closer toward me. I looked into his haunting face and was instantly lost in his eyes, and their crazy color, and the way he made me feel. I could feel his body warmth on mine, and I felt like he was a magnet, and I couldn't help but moving closer. He reached up and pushed my hair back a little, and his eyes darkened. I'm pretty sure I had a full hard-on now, and my heart was racing, and I felt like I couldn't do anything, but it also took every ounce of strength to restrain myself from closing the distance between us. I shook my head, unable to answer. Thankfully, I didn't have to, as Bear leaped up and barked, and I realized that I had been about to grab Laurie and do...things to him. Without saying anything, I turned and stalked out if the apartment. At the park, I took of Bear's leash and he bounded away joyfully as I sat on a bench. He knew not to go out of my sight, but the lawn was huge so he had plenty of room to roam. I still felt funny from seeing Laurie, and wished I didn't. How was I going to live next to him for the foreseeable future and not boil over and do something stupid? You don't even know that he's gay, a voice inside me said, but the way that Laurie looked at me make me sure he was. Or else he was really fucking good at gay chicken. I was interrupted from my dangerous thoughts by my phone ringing. I glanced at the caller ID and saw that it was Sophie, my sister, calling from art school in Rhode Island. Grinning, I flipped open the phone. "Hey sis," I said, smiling as she squealed. "Vaughn!" She almost screamed, and I chuckled, remembering how excitable she was. Sophie was always the light of our family. "How's it going Soph?" I asked. We chat over email often, but I hadn't seen Sophie in months. We try to spend some of her vacations together, but last summer she stayed at school to take summer classes so I hadn't seen her in six or seven months. "It's great! My classes are incredible as always, and I'm working on some fun pieces, but I miss you! How's life? How's Bear?" She asked. "Bear is...his usual self," I responded, as I watched Bear bound across the lawn with a group of scraggly dogs in tow. "And how are you?" She asked, and I could hear the slight concern in her voice. I knew she worried about me, that I work so hard and sometimes withdraw into my shell. "I'm alright," I responded, hesitant to tell her about my leg. But she's my baby sister, and I'd want to know if she was hurt. "There was an accident at work," I said carefully, "a fancy door on a balcony we were putting in decided to fall onto me while I was on the ground instead of staying in the doorway where it belonged. My leg has a tiny break but it'll be fine, I've already been to the hospital to have it checked out." "Vaughn! Why didn't you tell me earlier? Does it hurt?" Sophie admonished angrily, and I could imagine her face, eyebrows drawn together in concern, in the same way mine do. "No, I'm fine," I told her and tried to sound light hearted. "I'm taking pain meds and I have some time off work, so there's nothing to worry about," I said. Sophie sighed, and I could picture her rolling her eyes. "Well I'm glad you aren't trying to work, I wouldn't put it past you to be out on site with a broken leg, pretending you're back to normal," she scolded, but there was humor in her voice. I decided not to mention that I had actually planned to work this week before Paul persuaded me to stay home. "Don't worry, I don't plan to go to work for two more days at least!" I joked, and Sophie laughed. "Oh ha ha," she said sarcastically, "don't make me come down there and tie you to your bed," she threatened, and I laughed. "I'd like to see you try!" I challenged. "Oh I could totally take you, I lifted weights twice this semester! You'd be amazed at my muscle tone," Sophie retorted, and I grinned at the image. Soph likes to run, but I have never seen her enter a gym in her life. "I think all those paint fumes are going to your head," I teased, and I could hear Sophie laughing and it made me happy. "I think it is you that is going soft in your old age," she retorted. I heard someone calling her name in the background, and the sound of shuffling feet. Sophie said something to the person who had called her, but I couldn't hear. "Hey," she said, returning to the phone, "I have to go talk to a professor, but I'll call you again later! Please be careful with that leg, and don't let Bear pull you around on it." I smiled at the image, which was definitely a possibility since now I only have one leg to resist Bear's enthusiasm. "Don't worry about it, I'll be fine. I'll catch you later," I said. "Bye Vaughn, I love you!" Sophie said earnestly, and my heart softened. "I love you too, sis." I said, and hung up. I sat watching Bear for a while, letting him roam free and wishing that I had that sort of unconscious abandon. When it grew dark, I stood and called Bear to me, and we walked together back to the apartment, my heart thumping quickly at the prospect of running into Laurie. But I didn't, and I spent the rest of the night reading and trying to ignore the pain in my leg. I heard the piano start up, but it was softer and for some reason I just knew that it was Laurie playing and not the stereo. The song was slow and haunting, both happy and sad, and as I feel asleep to the beautiful sound, I let myself imagine that Laurie was playing for me. The next morning, I awoke to the sound of knocking on my door. I glanced at the clock: 8:00 AM. Wondering who it could be, I pulled myself out of bed and limped to the door. Cautiously I opened it, fearing and hoping that it'd be Laurie, but instead I was greeted by a familiar squeal and face. "VAUGHN!" Sophie screamed as she threw herself into my arms, and I hugged her back, in shock. "Soph, what are you doing here?" I asked, very confused. She pulled back, smiling uncontrollably, and I grinned back, so happy to see her. Her hair was longer, dark blonde like mine, but her eyes were the blue of my mother's eyes, and I felt a tug in my gut at how much Sophie looked like her. Sophie walked past me into the apartment and was immediately pounced upon by Bear, who began to lick every part of Sophie he could reach. She laughed and scratched behind his ears, which Bear loved. "Well after our conversation yesterday, I decided that it's been way too long since I saw you, so I took the red-eye last night! I only have one class today then it's the weekend, so I'm not missing much. I wanted to see my one and only brother!" She said, and grinned up at me, and I couldn't help smiling back. "This is great Soph," I said, taking her backpack and putting it on the couch, "although I have a sneaking suspicion that you are really here to make sure that I don't go to work yet," I said, and Sophie threw back her head and laughed. She had such a great laugh, loud and infectious. "Hey that's only, like, 30% of the reason I'm here, I also really wanted to play with Bear," she teased, and Bear thumped his tail excitedly at the sound of his name. I couldn't quite believe she was here, but as she stood and hugged me again, I hugged her back and let myself be happy. "It's great to see you," I muttered into Sophie's hair, and I could feel her smile against my shoulder. "It's been too long," she agreed, and we hugged for a minute longer. The rest of the day was damn near perfect. I took Sophie to brunch at a nice place downtown, then we went to the museum where she fawned over some artwork that I had never heard of, and bounced around enjoying everything. Then we went to the park with Bear, who was loving all the attention Sophie was giving him, and the two of them played fetch while I rested my leg and watched. It still hurt like a bitch, but I was taking the meds and I refused to let anything ruin my day with Sophie. We had returned to the apartment, and were walking up the stairs discussing dinner, when I heard a door open on the landing. My heart froze, and as we reached the top of the stairs, I looked up to see Laurie emerging from his apartment. His head was down, searching for something in his bag, and he somehow looked more beautiful than he had yesterday. The tips of his hair was wet, like he had just taken a shower, and the image of water running down his skin flashed into my brain before I could stop it. Then he looked up and saw us, and his crazy eyes lit up when they saw me, then moved to Sophie and changed to confusion. "Hey," he said eyes meeting mine questioningly, and I nodded. "Hey." Like yesterday, I felt like he was a magnet and I was fighting the pull toward him that I felt. Sophie nudged me and I tore my gaze away from his eyes. "Oh, uh, Sophie, Laurie, Laurie, Sophie," I mumbled, unable to speak like a normal fucking human, and Sophie smiled big and reached out to shake Laurie's hand. "Hi! I'm Sophie, Vaughn's much better mannered sister," Soph said, and Laurie laughed and shook her hand. "Laurie, Vaughn's much more musically inclined neighbor," Laurie joked, and I refrained from rolling my eyes. Sophie was grinning at Laurie, and I could tell she liked him. In the same way I liked him? "Do you live in the city?" Laurie asked, unconsciously tucking a piece of dark hair behind his ear, and I wanted to do it for him. "Oh no, I live in Rhode Island at RISD, I'm visiting my old bro here for the weekend, just to make sure he doesn't inflict any more injury on himself," Sophie said, and I frowned at the implication. "It's only happened once," I defended myself, and Laurie smiled at me. Muscle and Music Ch. 03 "You should have seen him when it happened," Laurie told Sophie, "He was being such an ass about going to the hospital, I think if I hadn't forced him, he would have convinced himself it was just bruised and continued to work," Laurie laughed and Sophie joined in. "Yeah he's always been like that," Sophie joined in, "I remember when he was in high school he hurt his knee during a football game but didn't tell anyone, the coach finally noticed him limping and forced him to see the trainer. He can be so stubborn!" "Hey, I'm right here," I protested, and Laurie laughed, a glorious sound. Our eyes met again and my heart fucking flip flopped, I started to glare at him but then just couldn't stop staring. Sophie coughed and I glanced at her to see her looking at me with the strangest expression on her face. Laurie shifted and I shifted uncomfortably. "Well it was great to meet you Sophie, have a great trip," Laurie said earnestly, and turned away. "Wait!" Sophie said, "Would you like to have dinner with us? I'm going to make spaghetti and Vaughn might possibly even pitch in with a salad, if he feels like it. Please, we'd love company!" No we wouldn't. That would make us very uncomfortable. I stared at Sophie, pissed. Laurie glanced at me, then laughed at the expression on my face. Immediately I reverted my face into a scowl. "You don't mind?" He asked me, eyes locking, and I couldn't do anything but shake my head. What was I supposed to say? "It's fine," I said and Sophie beamed. "Great!" She said, "Why don't you come over around 7:00?" Suddenly I remembered something. "Soph," I said in an undertone, "I don't have any pots or anything for pasta." Sophie looked downcast for a moment, but then Laurie cut in. "How about you guys come over to my place? I have the necessary pasta materials and I'm sure you are sick of sitting in the same apartment," Laurie joked to Sophie and she beamed again. "Perfect! We'll see you at 7:00!" She said, and Laurie smile at me, mischievously, one last time, knowing exactly how uncomfortable I was, then disappeared down the stairs. I fought the urge to look at his ass again, and turned to Sophie. She was smiling up innocently at me, but there was a definite twinkle in her eyes. "Soph," I sighed, "What are you doing. I barely know him." I said, a true statement although I felt like I knew him well. "I'm just being friendly, you should socialize more!" She told me, and we walked to my apartment. I don't like socializing, I thought, I like being alone and Bear and buildings. "Well at least you won't be stuck talking to old me the whole night," I said and Sophie punched my arm as I opened the door. "You know I love talking to you. It was just looked like you and Laurie had a...connection so now I want to get to know him," she said, and smirked at me as she walked into the apartment. I had no idea what to say to that, so I just followed her and closed the door. LAURIE I glanced at the clock as I set the last place at my table: 6:55 PM. Vaughn would be here in five minutes. A nervous tingling was beginning in my spine and my heart quickened its pace in anticipation at seeing him. For a whole meal I would be able to look at him, watch his eyes speak to me in ways his mouth couldn't, not just in brief moments that ended in him running away from me. I let a small shudder roll through me and I walked to the fridge and surveyed the beverage options. Moscato, soda, and Corona. He'll probably go for a Corona, I mused to myself, lip twitching. Vaughn's face flashed into my mind, hard mouth set in anger, glaring at me like I was Lucifer. He was beautiful, in the most masculine way possible, completely and utterly unaware of the affect he had on me and probably everyone else he encountered. I grinned to myself, picturing his unbelieveable fury at my piano, as if the instrument had been invented simply to keep him awake at night. The first time had been a mistake: I had just moved into the building, and decided to christen my apartment and make myself feel at home by losing myself in my music. I was surprised when I heard the pounding at 2:00 AM, but when I opened my door, curious to see what crazy person would be awake, it was Vaughn standing there and I just couldn't breathe. His tall frame blocked the doorway, his hard body and furious eyes greeting me in the early morning like no one ever had before. I could only stand there and stare at his arms and torso, which had no fat whatsoever. I'd only ever seen that sort of defined, hard, beautiful muscle in statues. But his masculine beauty was even more pronounced in the sharp planes of his face; in his square jaw and slanting eyebrows, in his hard mouth and beautiful, intense grey eyes. His face looked angry and sad, it still does most of the time, but looking at him in my doorway, like he was going to punch me, I couldn't move. I wanted so badly to feel his skin, to wrap myself in his arms, to run my hands through his short wavy dark blonde hair. I still want that so badly, and I don't know if this craving is ever going to stop for me. For a while I tried to lure him out of his apartment, he was always gone in the morning when I awoke and never came out in the evening. I would hear Bear barking, and the very faint sound of Vaughn talking to him, and I'd wish it was me that he was talking to. I'd stare so hard at his door that I was sure he could feel it, but the only way he'd come out was to yell at me. And I'll admit; I loved it. I could tell that there was so much more to Vaughn than met the eye, and I wanted--and still want--to get to know him more. I don't think he's had a charmed life at all, and I can see the sadness that constantly lurks behind his eyes, and I want to make him happy, if I can at all. I didn't think Vaughn was gay at first. I honestly still don't know if he is, and I'm positive he doesn't have a clue. Before he hurt himself and we talked for the first time, I teased him, and the angrier he got at me, the more I couldn't stay away. I knew there had to be a reason he was so grouchy, other than the fact my music was a little loud. I was pulled from my reverie by knocking at my door. I tried to slow the beating of my heart as I opened the door. Sophie and Vaughn stood there, Sophie energetic and smiley and Vaughn gruff and silent. "Hi!" Sophie said cheerfully, and I couldn't help grinning at how opposite of Vaughn she was, and how uncomfortable Vaughn looked. He nodded at me, eyes wary, hands shoved in his pockets. "Come on in," I said, leading them into my apartment. When I met Sophie earlier, she was such an opposite to Vaughn that I was intrigued and jumped at the chance to get to know Vaughn better. "Wow," Sophie breathed, looking at the hurricane of sheet music that was my apartment. Crap, I thought to myself, I meant to clean that up. "Sorry bout that," I said apologetically, "force of habit." I glanced at Vaughn, who was looking at my piano with a half angry, half curious expression. "Are you a pianist?" Sophie asked, eyes alight. I nodded, charmed by her childlike delight of music. "I like to think so," I said, and led them to the kitchen. "I have water, coke, wine, and beer," I told them, "what would you like?" "Water is good for me!" Sophie said, and I looked at Vaughn, trying to ignore the way my heart turned over. He glanced at me then looked back quickly at the fridge. "Beer." He said, and I smiled to myself. Of course. I handed it to him and was surprised by the "thanks" he mumbled. I smiled. It was going to be an interesting night. Muscle and Music Ch. 04 I was glad that Vaughn was sitting across from me, so I could look at him straight on. Even though he was mostly staring at his food, when he did glance up, our eyes locked and I couldn't look away. His beautiful, intense eyes would glare at me, knowing what I dream of and accusing me of dreaming. Even if he, maybe, somewhere hidden in his heart (probably repressed), dreamed of me too. Then he'd rip his eyes away and I remembered that the rest of the world actually existed. Sophie, of course, is the complete opposite of Vaughn. She's outgoing, talkative, and easy to smile, and I'm actually really enjoying talking to her about art and music. We chat on and on as Vaughn stubbornly drinks his beer and tries not to look at me. I wonder if Sophie knows about my attraction to her brother. She's looked at us funny a couple of times, and I don't think I have a good poker face when it comes to hiding how I feel for Vaughn. I glance at Vaughn again. He's glaring at his beer like it's trying to start a fight. I take a chance. "So Vaughn, why did you go into construction?" I ask, deciding to start with the topic of conversation that he'd be most likely to respond to. His head jerks up at my saying his name, and our eyes meet briefly (there it is again, my heart falling over) then looks bad at his plate. Then he glances at Sophie and she leans back at grins at him, and a look passes between them --understanding? Challenge? I can tell she wants him to be more social. He clears his throat. "I don't know, buildings are logical. I like putting the parts together and making things that last." He stops and drinks his beer, then sees me and Sophie still waiting for him to continue. He gives a tiny eye roll. "And each building is unique, so that's nice, I guess." I nod, I can't help being drawn into him. "You're a modern day Howard Roark," I say, and a corner of Vaughn's mouth actually twitches. "Well I'd never burn down any of my buildings unless they really deserved it," he said, and I smiled, delighted that he was actually speaking with me, and secretly placing myself in the position of Dominique Francon in my mind. Sophie cut in, "Vaughn was actually accepted into some great architecture schools, but he didn't go. I still haven't forgiven him for it!" She punched his arm and he punched hers back, but lightly. "Why didn't you go?" I asked, genuinely curious. Vaughn is strong, smart, beautiful, and more loving than he let on. I'm beginning to think that I'm going to lose myself in whatever pieces of him that he gives me. Vaughns eyes instantly cloud over and his mouth sets in a hard line, and Sophie glances at him then sets her fork down. She clears her throat and smiles at me, sadly. "Our parents passed away right before Vaughn had to decide. He chose to stay home with me, we actually grew up only an hour outside the city." I look at Vaughn, not trying to pretend I'm not, and he refuses to look at me. "Sophie." He says, voice low. The share a look and I feel like an intruder. "I'm sorry," I say, "no one should have to lose their parents so young." Sophie smiles at me, and I can't help but smile back, she is contagious. "Thanks," she says, "it was a long time ago." But from the way Vaughn is still staring into space, a far-off look in his eyes, I don't think that it feel like a long time ago for him. I want to put my arms around him and kiss him until he gives me a rare and perfect smile. Sophie grabs the wine bottle. "Bottoms up!" she says cheerfully, and tops off our glasses. The rest of dinner is fun, me and Sophie chat and I get a little tipsy, but Vaughn has closed off again and I don't think I'm going to get him back tonight. Vaughn offers to do the dishes, though, and I make plenty of excuses to "accidentally" brush his hands while handing him plates and cups. He glares at me a few times, but I don't care and enjoy standing close to his tall, sexy body. They leave after I get Sophie's contact info, we're definitely keeping in touch, and I close the door after them. I play some piano later, in the moonlight coming from my window, and imagine that Vaughn is sitting on the couch across from me, Bear's head in his lap, looking me straight in the eyes. VAUGHN I managed to avoid Laurie the whole next day after Sophie left. The whole day I had been dreading seeing Laurie, and having to confront what I felt about him. Dinner was almost too much, he sat across from me looking so beautiful and talking with Sophie about art that I'll never see or understand. When he looked at me, I had to tear my eyes away or risk grabbing him and showing him what I felt. Whatever this feeling is, that I don't fucking understand. I don't know why I'm so attracted to him, and I don't know why I'm acting this way, but I know that I can't look at him and think logically. There's no point in denying that I want him -- I'm drawn to him in a way I'm not drawn to other women (or men). That itself defies sexual orientation. So I walked Bear at 6:00 AM, because Laurie wouldn't be awake, and stayed out out the apartment all day. I went to the library, I visited the site (despite my friends' protests), and I went out to dinner after that. Finally, at 9:00, I returned to my apartment. I made it there safely, my heart beating fast, trying to not look at Laurie's door. There was a lot of music and laughter coming from underneath the door, and it pissed me off. Why is he throwing parties when I'm warring with my mind. I limped into my apartment, and sank onto my couch, already tired and wanting to sleep. I was alone, and that's how I liked my life. Except for Bear, and he forced me to interact with other people. Like Laurie. FUCK! Would it be so bad to let him into my small, uninteresting life? Like he'd even stick around. I'm sure there's plenty smart, attractive, cultured, outgoing artsy men for him to be with (but the idea of it made me clench my jaw). I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples. Maybe I just had to get away. I couldn't keep living like this. Suddenly, someone knocked on my door. But it was a quieter knock then I've heard before, and didn't seem like it would come from Laurie. I stood, limped over to the door, and opened it. It was the girl from Laurie's last party who opened his door. His girlfriend? But from the way Laurie touched me yesterday, I don't think he's into girls. "Hi!" She said in a chipper way, and I restrained myself from frowning at her. "Yes?" I asked, and tried to sound nice. "I'm Rachel! I'm Laurie's friend. I kind of met you a few nights ago, but you stormed off before I could introduce myself." She stuck out her hand. I grudgingly took her hand and shook it. "I'm Vaughn." I said, wondering why she was here. Bear bounded at her, and she smiled delightedly. "Ooooh!! What an adorable dog!" She squealed, and I raised my eyebrows, but my heart softened a little. "Don't tell him that to his face, he likes to think he's a ferocious man killer," It told her, enjoying the attention Bear got almost as much as he did. "He's gorgeous!" Rachel gushed, and I had to agree. Then my thoughts flew to someone else. Laurie. I cleared my throat. "Can I help you with something?" I asked, trying not to sound like the mean son-of-a-bitch I am. He bounced upright. "Oh! Yeah! Well I feel bad we kept you up with the music last time, so I was wondering if you wanted to join us! There's just a few of us over at Laurie's, we're just hanging out. Come!" She was looking at me with a big smile, expectantly. I frowned. "Does Laurie know you're asking me over?" I asked hesitantly, not sure what to think about it. I didn't want to go, I didn't want to be around people, and I didn't want to face Laurie again so soon. "Oh yeah, he thinks it's a great idea. Let's go!" Rachel said, grabbing my hand, and before I could protest, she pulled me out of my apartment. "Um," I protested, a little in shock at this random woman dragging me from my sanctuary, but Laurie's door was close and we were already there. She pushed the door open and pulled me into the bright, noisy room. Jazz music was playing, and five other people were standing around the living room, making drinks and laughing and being completely unfamiliar. My gaze sought Laurie. He was standing talking to another man who looked younger than me, and maybe younger than Laurie. The other man put his hand on Laurie's shoulder and gazed at him adoringly, and I felt jealousy stab in my stomach. That fucker needed to get his hand off Laurie before I removed it myself. Laurie was holding a beer, and he smirked at me, knowing exactly how I got there and enjoying watching me squirm outside of my comfort zone. "Hey guys!" Rachel yelled, and the pushed me in front of her and into the room. "This is Vaughn, he's Laurie's neighbor, and he broke his leg so let's get him drunk!" WHAT? I opened my mouth to protest but two people came up to me and thrust beer into my hands, and dragged me over to a couch to sit down with them. Their names were Jack and Melissa, and they were actually really nice and funny, but I couldn't stop looking at Laurie as he moved about the room, laughing and chatting and refiling people's drinks. It occurred to me that he was just like this: generous, lively, open, and giving. Everything I wasn't. Rachel plopped down next to me and smiled at me. "So Vaughn, what do you do?" She asked, looking like she actually cared about the answer. I glanced at Laurie again, and his eyes flicked away from mine. He's been looking at me. I felt a little thrill in my stomach. I turned to Rachel. "I'm in construction," I said, and she nodded. "That explains why you're so good-looking. I knew you had to do something physical!" I stared at her, she was so forward. "Uh...thanks. How bout you?" I asked uncomfortably, and she smiled, knowing I felt awkward. "I work down at the museum, but I'm trying to be an artist too," she laughed, and I smiled at her. She reminded me so much of Sophie. "My sister is actually an artist as well, but she works in sculpture mostly," I told Rachel. "That's awesome!" Rachel exclaimed, and I smiled back at her, missing Sophie's similar enthusiasm. "Have I heard of her?" Rachel asked. "I doubt it," I told her, "She's only 22, she's in her last year at RISD. But maybe someday," I said grinning, and Rachel laughed. "That's crazy, I went to RISD too! Well, for undergrad. But I graduated seven years ago, no chance of knowing your sister. She must be really talented though, RISD is really hard to get into!" Rachel exclaimed, and I felt my head swell a little with pride. I remember how damn excited Sophie was, and how I picked her up and swirled her around, and how my parents had told every single person they knew, and put all her application portfolio pictures up in the house. Back when we were happy, when we were okay, and when Sophie laughed, and when I believed in happy endings. I looked up to find Rachel staring at me, looking concerned. "Oh yeah, she's an amazing artist," I said feeling my heart begin to cloud over. "Your parents must be really proud," Rachel said, and I nodded, not wanting to speak a lot. "They were," I confirmed, looking down into my beer. I took a swig and felt someones eyes on me. I looked up and Laurie was looking straight at me, eyes boring into mine, and I just knew he could see my sadness and heartache. I stared back at him, challenging him to say something, because he wouldn't stop staring at me and I didn't want him to. He dropped his gaze and I turned back to Rachel, changing the conversation topic. The music swirled around me, as did the chatter, and I sipped my beer and only listened half-heartedly to the conversation. What am I doing here? I wondered to myself, and couldn't answer the question. Laurie looked in his element, surrounded by talented, glamorous, attractive people, and I was very far out of my own. I needed solitude, and silence, and buildings, and not too much human interaction. All of a sudden I stood, mumbled something to the people around me, and walked to the bathroom. It was down a hallway secluded from the rest of the party, and it was what I needed. I was about to open the door to the bathroom when I heard someone behind me. "Vaughn." I liked the way Laurie said my name, and I felt shivers go up my spine. I turned and Laurie walked up to me, standing close in the small hallway. He looked great in a maroon v-neck sweater that made his eyes look even more gold than usual, and the same black pants I was admiring the other day. He looked like the beautiful, cultured, intelligent, smart-ass that he was, I felt like a big oaf next to him. I was all too conscious of my fraying grey t-shirt, and unruly hair, and gruff exterior. I hadn't shaved today, and there was stubble on my chin. "Hey," I said uncomfortably, and my heart sped up when I saw Laurie still looking at me funny. God he looked great, and I felt something start to pool in my stomach. "Sorry for crashing your party." He grinned and made a motion like it was nothing. "Oh no it's great, Rachel's like that sometimes. I mentioned you broke your leg and she felt bad for you. She kept going on about how lonely you must be, and how she wanted to make you soup or something." I frowned and shrugged, not liking the pity these people were feeling for me. "That's very nice of her, but I like solitude sometimes," I mumbled, and Laurie laughed. "Yeah I know you do, but I'm glad she made you come in here." He watched my face carefully, with something in his eyes that made my heart thump erratically. "I think she knew how much I wanted to see you." The laughter stilled in his eyes, and I could feel my heart thumping awkwardly. Surely he could hear it. I blinked at him, amazed that he'd just come out and say something like that. Who just says exactly what they're thinking? I looked down at my beer, unable to meet his eyes for fear of what I might see. God, I think I was actually blushing, and that hadn't happened since about third grade. "Vaughn." Laurie said softly, and I think I visibly shivered, and cautiously looked into his eyes. He stepped closer toward me, and I could see the determination and the lust in his eyes. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweating, but I wanted to grab him so badly I almost shattered the beer bottle I was clenching. "I don't know what you want from me," I said softly, finally looking into his eyes. And it's true, I didn't know, and I also didn't know what I could give him. I needed to deal with a lot of things, and I needed to be alone to do that, and I didn't want my life to change. But I wanted Laurie, I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anyone in my life, and I knew that ignoring what I felt wasn't an option anymore. He looked into my eyes and smiled slightly, saying, "Yes, you do. And you should stop denying that you want it too," At that moment, there was nothing else I wanted more than to take him right there on the floor. "You're used to getting what you want, aren't you" I whispered, and my voice was rough and harsh. Laurie nodded, and moved one final step closer, so our mouth were inches away. "Yes," Laurie whispered back, and I felt his breath softly on my face. My body itched to be pressed over his, and his mouth on mine. It had never been this way with anyone else, and I couldn't really believe what was happening to me. Laurie licked his lips. "And I've wanted you from the first moment I saw you." His eyes were full of desire and truth and anticipation, and my heart was about to explode. I couldn't resist him anymore; it's a fucking miracle I ever could. I cursed and grabbed his shoulders roughly and pulled him to me. Our mouths met in a bruising kiss, and it was hot and hard and breathtaking. His mouth was firm and soft, but not at all like a woman's, and my mind was spinning. How had this never happened before? This kiss was unlike anything I could imagine, and I knew it was because it was Laurie, not just because he was another man. My heart was clenching and Laurie's lips were married to mine, and he was kissing me like I was the last man on Earth. And he was so good at it. His lips coaxed mine open and I grasped the back of his head with one hand and tilted mine to deepen the kiss. Laurie's hands threaded through my hair, and I held his body to mine in a death grip. I kissed him back with passion I didn't know was in me, and I distantly heard Laurie moan, and it was like fire rushing through my veins. I could feel his erection against my thigh, and was positive he could feel mine, and if someone hadn't called his name from the other room, I don't know what would have happened. I tore my lips from his and looked down at him, panting like I'd just run twenty miles. He had a semi-shocked look on his face, and I knew he'd been affected by the kiss just as intensely as I had. He was breathing heavily and his perfect lips were red and swollen. I did that. His beautiful gold-brown eyes bored into mine, and he moved one of his hands to rest on my chest, sending more shivers down my spine. "You--", Laurie tried to say, but his voice was husky and he couldn't articulate. I couldn't help myself: I dropped my head and kissed him again, softer, and bit his upper lip with my teeth. This time Laurie shivered, and I smiled to myself, and slipped my hand underneath his sweater to feel the soft skin of his back. "LAURIE!! COME PLAY FOR US!" The voice cried again, and we broke apart, startled. I pushed him toward the other room without looking at him, scared I'd pounce on him again if I looked at him, and turned into the bathroom. I heard Laurie's steps walking away from me, and leaned against the counter, breathing hard. What the hell was that? It's like my body has been completely overtaken by another person. I never acted like this, like a fucking teenager in heat, and I never kissed men. What was happening to me?? I sure as hell didn't know, but I did know with absolute certainty that there had to be a reason behind everything, and there had to be a reason I felt so strongly for Laurie. I shook my head to clear it, but my heart was still pounding and I could still feel Laurie hot, skilled mouth on mine, and his body pressed flush against me, and his hands, with their long, beautiful fingers, in my hair. My dick was still hard and if I kept thinking about Laurie, it wasn't going to go down. I ran some water and splashed it on my face, and sighed. What was I going to do about this? I didn't know how to be this person who had taken over my body and still be the man I've been for 28 years. Then, the piano began to play. I opened the door, and walked down the corridor into the living room, where everyone was watching Laurie playing the piano. His dark head was bent slightly, and his eyes were closed, and there was no sheet music in front of him. His fingers flew over the keys, in the most beautiful and erotic way--or maybe it was just the music he was playing. I watched his hands, mesmerised, as they moved swiftly and skillfully over the keys. I didn't know human hands could move like that. I couldn't stop my brain from imagining what they could do to my body. Suddenly, I couldn't take it anymore. What had just happened with Laurie, I would deal with in my own private solitude, where I could think clearly and logically. I quietly let myself out of the apartment without anyone but Rachel noticing, and I didn't look at her. Laurie didn't see me. I limped into my apartment, my mind reeling, and petted Bear absently as I tried to work out what had happened. I had just had the most intense, explosive, unbelieveable kiss of my life...with another man. I didn't know what to think; I didn't think I was gay, but at this point I didn't know if I was completely straight either. And I didn't like to think about it that way--my parents had always told me and Sophie that love is love, and that's all there is too it. What people do in their private lives is their business, and I wouldn't want anyone trying to tell me how to live my life. I sighed and sat down on my bed. I couldn't think about this anymore tonight. I pulled off my clothes and got under the covers, and fell asleep, dreaming about Laurie's mouth and his fingers.