12 comments/  25029 views/  58 favorites

Loss to Love Ch. 01

By: musicfreak



Note: This isn't a story about sex only, so if a quick hot sex scene what you're looking for, I suggest you keep looking.

A/N: Hi guys! Yes, it really is me. I said I would be back after my 2yr hiatus and I keep my word. Well I'm out of the army and back to civilian life. So yeah, this is my new story, hope you guys like it. As usual I accept all comments, good or bad, as long as its constructive. Story is complete and the remaining chaps are submitted. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: All characters are fictitious and above the age of 18 years. 

*****

- Prologue -

I looked at myself in the mirror hanging in my locker, cringing at the sight of my hair, sticking out at odd places where it shouldn't. I ran my hand through my blonde hair, trying to rid it of the obnoxious cowlick that has plagued me the entire day. After a good minute or so, I gave up trying to get the little tuft of hair to go down, instead completely messing my short hair into something resembling an organized mess. I smiled, contented with my new look for the day. I looked at my blue eyes, small blood vessels streaking across the whites of my eyes, evidence of the late night study session the previous night. It was well worth it though, the test earlier in the day being a breeze. Blinking a few times, I inspected my teeth, making sure there weren't any scraps of food stuck in between, running my tongue over them once.

"Hey there vain pot." came the annoying voice from behind my locker door. I didn't need to look to know who it was.

"How many times must I tell you Dean? I'm not vain, I just care about the image I portray to people." I replied, giving myself once last glance over in the mirror before closing my locker. "It's called being professional."

"Yeah, like a video editor needs to look good. All you do is sit in front of a computer screen all day, or is Mr. Drew Langston trying to impress someone?" He quipped, shooting me a smirk.

"No." I deadpanned. "Last I checked I was the only gay kid in this school and..." I was rudely cut off when an asshole forcefully bumped into me, sending me flying into the side of the lockers.

"Oops, sorry Langston. Oh wait, no I'm not." The jock mocked walking past me. Nick Preston, quarterback and all around nice guy, except when it came to me. My personal bully if you wanted to call him that. I gave him a blank expression, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing me getting angry. 

Nick Preston was the guy everyone in school liked. Built like some professional model, he was the envy of guys and the sought after prize of girls. At 6'2" and made of solid muscle, he could easily take on anyone at school, that is if he actually needed to. I let my eyes survey him once, seeing that he was dressed in our school hoodie and a simple pair of jeans, very much like the outfit I was wearing. His hoodie however, looked a size too small for him, the fabric stretching over his chest and his biceps straining against the sleeves, outlining his physique. 

Awesome athlete, straight A student as well as junior class president, his future was pretty much set. Everyone, including me although I hated to admit it, knew he was going to be valedictorian in our senior year and quite frankly, he deserved it. Bullying me aside, he was truly a good guy. 

"Buzz off Nick." Dean said, shooting Nick a glare, to which he simply put up his hands and walked away innocently. Nick had nothing against Dean, but his constant picking on me made Dean kind of blacklist the star quarterback. "One day I'm gonna hurt him so bad." He threatened, to which I had to laugh. "What?" He had the nerve to ask what? Dean, my best and possibly only friend at Jameson High, was to say the least, the last person anyone would pick a fight with. At 5'5", he was probably the smallest guy in our school, added to the fact that he was no fighter. He never went to a gym once in his life and his idea of physical training was running down to Starbucks to get a caramel macchiato. 

"You? Please you can't even win me in a fight, let alone Nick Preston." He rolled his eyes, as if what I said wasn't true. I mean I went to the gym on a regular basis, and although I was a mere 5'9", I dare say I could hold my ground against people who were bigger than me. 

"Why do you put up with him though? After three years, most people lose it." Dean asked me, pulling me to our next class.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Don't care really. It's not like he does anything seriously bad. Showing him it bothers me would only give him the satisfaction and I'm definitely not gonna do that. Besides, I have you and my mom so it's all good."

"It would be better if you're dad got on the same wagon though." I tensed at his words. I shot him a glare, which made him give that 'I'm sorry' face. He knew better than to bring my father up. After I came out, my father as good as disowned me. He stopped talking to me apart from when absolutely necessary, and even then it was mostly one-word replies. If not for my mother, I'm pretty sure I would have been kicked out of the house. "I still don't get why he only picks on you though. He's basically a saint to everyone else." Dean said, shifting the conversation back to Nick.

"Glad you know to change the subject. And isn't it obvious, he's homophobic. That's the only explanation as to why he likes to make my high school life a living hell." I said.

"Well it's not like you're the typical kind of gay guy. You act like a dude, you dress like a dude, yeah you care a little too much about your looks but who cares. It's not like you strut down the halls in flamboyant outfits or whatever, not that there is anything wrong with that." Dean said. He always got agitated when it came to homophobes, probably because his younger brother's also gay and it's just his protective instinct coming out. He's more perturbed by it than I was.

"Well I think that's probably why he hates me so much." I stated, to which he gave me a confused stare. "It's because I'm not the stereotypical gay that he's intimidated. Male ego if you could say. Shit like that. I don't know you're the straight one." 

"Well whatever it is, he better get his ego in check before I keep it in check for him." Dean said, shaking his fist in the air, which only made him look like an angry dwarf than anything dangerous. I laughed, stopping outside my next class.

"Okay grumpy, see you after school." He waved bye before I disappeared into the classroom. I smiled at the couple of students already seated at their desk chatting amongst themselves, to which they smiled back. I was lucky I guess. Other than Nick, no one else in school really gave me a hard time about being gay. Everyone simply understood and life went on. Being the only openly gay kid in school did have its downsides though, like never having a date to any school events and such but it was fine. I would always have Dean there to be my right hand man.

Yep high school didn't seem as bad as most other people had it, but I did wish my home life could be better. I mean my dad was ashamed of me, not something most teenagers had to deal with but I don't hold it against him though. He's entitled to his opinion. At least he doesn't abuse me or anything; he just pretends I don't exist. I shook off my thoughts just as the teacher walked in, holding a cup of coffee in her hand as she started scribbling notes on the board.

The day passed by rather quickly and before I knew it, it was the end of the day. I walked to my locker, throwing in any books that I didn't need, giving myself a once through in my mirror before closing my locker. Hey, don't judge me, it's a force of habit. I leaned against my locker waiting for Dean. We had planned on heading to my place to just hang and do whatever but as usual he was late. It wouldn't be the first time and I had just gotten used to it over time.

Dean Callaway was my best friend since middle school. He was actually the new kid, having moved to Seattle from New York City. His dad's job was kind of hectic and he moved a lot as a kid. So far, his stay in Seattle had been the longest he's ever been in one place. Anyway, yeah so we met in middle school and we've been best buds since. We just clicked and I dread the day that he would just tell me that he was moving somewhere far away. I tried not to think about it too much though, like somehow thinking about it made it real.

I looked at my watch, realizing that I've been waiting close to fifteen minutes. I sighed pulling out my phone, thinking about texting him. You know how things always happen at the wrong time, like when you get an itch when your hands are dirty, or a phone call when you're in the bathroom, as if knowing that I was going to text, Dean appeared around the corner.

"Sorry, sorry." He called out at the sight of me waiting.

"Well took you long enough? Shall we?" I asked.

"Yeah well about that. That was kinda what I was apologizing for?" I turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow at him. "Yeah I got a call from my mom, apparently she needs help with something so I have to head home. Now I know we were supposed to hang but...I'm sorry." 

I chuckled at him. "Yeah man no worries. You could have texted or something though, so at least I wouldn't have waited here." 

"Yeah sorry about that. You know me, I'm stupid like that." He smiled sheepishly.

"Whatever. See ya then." I said turning around, giving Dean a wave goodbye and heading for my car. I looked at the beat-up pick up truck and smiled. The thing had memories. My dad and I used to work on it together, before I came out. We were actually pretty close back in the day. I would spend my weekends out with my dad, be it going fishing, the batting cages or just in the garage fixing up little red. That was what I called the truck, well because it was red. Genius right? When we finally got her up and running, it was kind of an accomplishment really. It was my first car that I fixed, although most of it was my dad's work.

"When you can drive, she's all yours." He had said, as we looked at her. I was shocked to say the least, but ecstatic at the same time. My first car, and it was something I helped fix up. Even after I came out and my dad giving me the cold shoulder, I was still given little red and I was grateful for that at least. Little Red wasn't the shiniest or newest car around, far from it actually, but she had character, and for some beat up old truck, she still had a lot of fight left to give.

I got into the truck and started her up, feeling her rumbled under me. I pulled out of the school parking lot before heading home. I lived in the suburbs of Seattle, nothing too fancy but it was home nonetheless. My family wasn't rich, but we weren't poor either, middle classed like most other people who lived in the area. I parked by the curb outside our home looking to the two-story house that sat to my left. My dad's car wasn't parked in the driveway so that means he hadn't gotten back from work. I got out of my truck, locking it before walking up the path that led to the house. I glanced at the grass lawn noticing that it was getting a little long. I made a mental note to mow it later on as I continued onto the wooden porch, the bottom stair creaking as I stepped on it. 

I pulled out my keys, sliding it into the door lock. I opened the door, only to have my senses assaulted by the smell of baking. I smiled. There's nothing like coming home to my mom's baking. Dean would have cursed the fact that he missed coming over. 

"Hey mom, I'm home." I shouted as I closed the front door.

"Hi honey. I'm in the kitchen." I smiled. Of course she was in the kitchen, where else would she be baking.

"No duh mom. Didn't think you were baking in the bathroom now did I." I said, walking into the kitchen, the smell of freshly baked cookies even more overwhelming there. "What's the occasion?" I asked, picking up a cookie and sitting at the kitchen island. 

"No reason. Just felt like baking." My mom said, taking off her oven mitts before coming over and kissing me on the forehead. She cocked her head around as if looking for someone. "I thought you said Dean was coming over?"

"He had something come up, he couldn't make it." I said, taking another bite of chocolate heaven. 

"Oh well that's too bad. He loves my cookies doesn't he?" she asked as if the answer wasn't already obvious. 

"Everyone loves your cookies mom." I deadpanned.

"That's sweet of you. Well you can bring him a bag tomorrow." She suggested.

"Or I can just eat all of it." I said, picking up another cookie. She just chuckled and messed up my already messy hair. "I'll be upstairs mom. Just call if you need anything." 

"Kay honey, oh and could you do me a favor and mow the lawn, it's getting pretty unruly."

"Already planned on doing it mom." I shouted back as I ran up the stair, closing my bedroom door after me. My room wasn't very big but it was sufficient, enough room for a double bed and my computer workstation, which was all that I really needed. I did video editing as a side hobby and it help me get some extra cash now and then too. Sometimes I do stuff for the school and sometimes people ask me to do their wedding videos and what not. I wasn't complaining. If I got to make some money doing what I liked to do, then why not? After all, what teenager wouldn't want a little extra cash now and then? 

I spent an hour or so online before I decided to go down and mow that lawn, before it got dark. I changed into a pair of cargo shorts and headed outside as my mom was preparing dinner. I spent a good ten minutes just trying to get the lawnmower to start and another five realizing that it was out of gas. Well I had my dumb moments too; I was just lucky no one witnessed my blonde moment. Halfway through the job, the familiar black jeep pulled into our driveway. I didn't bother to look at my dad because he wouldn't have acknowledged me even if I did so I just kept on doing what I was doing. True enough all he did was walk by and enter our house. I sighed, wondering if it would ever change. I pushed the thought from my mind as I continued with the lawn.

"Hey there Langston." I rolled my eyes at the sound of his voice.

"What do you want Nick?" I asked, not bothering to hide the frustration in my voice.

"Now is that the type of tone you use on your dear neighbor." He cooed from the sidewalk. I scoffed at his statement. So what if he was my neighbor? I'll be damned if I ever talked to him nicely.

"You know if you have nothing better to do then just fuck off Nick." I said. Didn't think it was a bad idea until I was tackled to the ground. My side hurt from where Nick's shoulder contacted me but I managed to turn around, however being ultimately weaker than Nick, I couldn't get free. He straddled me, pinning my hands beside my head, flashing the annoying smirk that he reserved solely for me. "Get the fuck off me." I spat out, trying to get out of his grasp but it didn't work.

"Feisty little thing aren't you." He moved both my hands over my head, pinning them there with one hand, leaving his other hand free. "You know I might actually lay off you if you weren't so rude to me."

"Yeah right and I'm going to be President of the United States. Just fuck off man. Isn't school enough? Must you torment me even when I'm home?"

He grabbed my face with his free hand, squeezing my cheeks. "Now where's the fun in that." He said, lightly slapping me on the face.

"Nick!" The voice boomed from across the yard. I watched as Nick rolled his eyes. 

"Yes dad?" 

"Quite playing with your friend and come here. I need you to take care of your little sister. I'm going out." I lifted my head just enough to see Mr. Preston get into his car, before driving off. 

"Yeah more like get drunk again. No wonder mom left you." He mumbled to himself. He turned back to me, looking down at me. "Looks like I have to cut short our little play session." He said, releasing my hands and getting off of me. "Till next time Langston." He said, strutting over back to his house. I sighed dropping my head back down. Nick was irritating but not anything I couldn't deal with. He has never actually hurt me so I take it all in my stride. He's just trying to get me riled up, but luckily I had Dean and my mom to keep me in check. As screwed up as my dad was, at least he's still there, unlike Nick's mom who left town the minute she divorced Mr. Preston. Yeah I could deal with it.

Well that was until my world started crashing before my very eyes.

Loss to Love Ch. 02



"This is going to be the best summer ever." Dean cried on the last day of school. I remember agreeing with him but oh how wrong was I. 

Not only was it the worst summer I had ever had, it was the worst time of my life, bar none. It was the lowest point in my life and I, on more than one occasion, contemplated suicide. I still remember the day I got the call. It was two weeks before school reopened.

I was at Dean's playing video games when my cell phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and noticed that it was dad calling me. I found it strange to say the least seeing that he never called me. I answered and cautiously put it to my ear.

"Uh hello?" I said but there was no answer. "Hello?" I tried again. This time I could hear crying in the background. "Dad?"

"Drew..." He choked out, fighting back the sobs that were overcoming him.

"Dad what's wrong?" I asked, getting really worried. My dad wasn't one to get emotional and when he did, it's often over something really bad. Little did I know how bad it really was.

"Drew...Your mom..." he choked out between sobs.

"What? What about mom?" I asked, getting to my feet. Dean just sat there, eyeing me, worry written all over his face. I was starting to panic now. "Dad! What about mom!?"

"She's gone Drew..." He said. Time seemed to slow as I heard those words. It couldn't be, maybe there was a mistake. I don't remember much after that. I knew my body went numb. The last thing I felt was my phone slipping out of my hand as it dropped to the floor. Dean was in front of me, asking me what's wrong but I couldn't hear him. I didn't want to hear him. My mom was dead.

I remembered rushing back home after that. I wanted to know what happened. I wanted, needed, to know it was all a lie, a misunderstanding. A part of me hoped my dad meant gone as in divorced and left. I prayed for that because at least, that would mean my mom was still alive. Alive so that I can still talk to her, convince her not to leave. To tell her I love her, but I knew it was all false hope. My parents loved each other, so much so that divorce was never an option, but still I wished. Prayed.

I screeched to a halt outside my house, bursting out my truck and into our home. I hoped that I would smell my mom's baking, her perfume, anything to give me a sign that she was still here. I had no such luck. I ran into the living room to see my Dad on the couch, his head buried in his hands. His body shook as he cried, never had I seen my dad so torn up before. Seeing him like that made my own heart break and I felt my eyes welling up. 

I walked over to him and put my hand on his shoulder. He took his face out of his hands and looked up at me. The look of sheer despair on his face made it all clear to me. My mom wasn't in a car, driving away somewhere. She was gone, and she was never going to come back again. I felt the tears pour over my eyelids, leaving salty track down my cheeks. I crashed to my knees in front of my dad as my legs lost all their strength. I looked up at my dad; he sniffed before he hugged me tight to him. I didn't hold back anymore as I cried, sobbing until it was hard to breath. I felt like I wanted to die. For the first time in my life, I wanted to end my life. 

"How?" I managed to choke out as I cried into my father's shirt.

"She was out buying groceries..." He stopped, trying to keep his emotion in check. I didn't push and gave him time to gather himself. She was my mother, but she was also his wife. Whatever I felt, he felt it too, maybe even worse than I did. "There was this guy...he...he had a gun." He stopped, coughing as he choked on his words. "He just started shooting...and..." he stopped again, but he didn't need to say more. I knew enough and I couldn't hear anymore of it. The more I heard the more my heart broke. I cried myself to sleep that night, hoping that I wouldn't wake up the next day. Hoping that I didn't have to feel this pain again, but wake up I did. 

The next few days passed in a blur. The pain I felt, had slowly morphed into numbness. I became a walking shell, not wanting to feel anything anymore. I was drained, emotionally and physically. I was initially angry at the bastard who did it, wanting to make him suffer but I later found out that the coward had shot himself after his rampage. 

I didn't cry at my mother's wake, I didn't want her to see me so distraught. I kept strong, for myself and for dad. He too cried himself out, nothing left to cry even if he wanted to. As my mother was lowered into the earth, I dropped a white rose in, her favorite flower I remember her telling me once. "Bye mom. I love you. Always have, always will." I said. 

I stood by her grave as everyone started leaving. I felt a warm hand on my shoulder and I looked back to see Dean there, his eyes red from crying. I turned around and hugged him. He was all I had left. The one person I could count on. "I'm sorry Drew." He muttered. I said nothing, knowing that there was nothing to say. We broke apart and I saw Drew's father standing behind, a look of sympathy on his face. I turned away immediately. I didn't want sympathy; I wanted my mother. I heard Dean's footsteps retreat as he walked on the dried leaves on the ground. I looked over to my dad who was also standing by the grave. As if he could sense it, he looked up at me too and we shared looks for a second. I wanted to walk over to him but I found myself rooted to the spot. 

For what felt like ten minutes we just stared at each other. Nothing needed to be said. We understood each other's pain and somewhere in our looks, we told each other we had to move on. To get on with life, to make sure that mom would look down on us and need not worry about us. Finally he took a deep breath, closing his eyes and turned to head back to his jeep. I did the same, looking at my mom's grave one last time before turning and heading for my truck. 

"...No dad..." I heard the faint voice of Dean in the distance. I ignored it, just heading for my truck. "You can't make me do that." I heard again, this time louder and clearer. Obviously, they were somewhere near my truck. Finally I saw them, about fifty feet away from where I was. "His mom just passed away dad, how do you expect me to tell him that?" Dean shouted, tears threatening to spill.

"Tell me what?" I said. They didn't know I was there because they jumped at the sound of my voice. Dean quickly wiped the tears from his eyes.

"I'll leave you two to talk. I'll head off first." Mr. Callaway said, walking off. I looked to Dean who was awkwardly playing with his fingers. We stood there for a whole minute, neither of us saying anything. 

"Come on, get in the truck. We can talk on the way back to yours." I said, walking over and getting behind the steering wheel. Dean hesitantly got in but buckled himself in anyway. I drove out of the cemetery, heading for his home. "So what was it you're supposed to tell me?"

"It's not important." He stated, looking out the window.

"It sounded important back there. You were screaming at your dad."

"It's nothing alright. Geez. You have enough on your plate already." He shouted, glaring at me before quickly turning back to face out the window.

"Yeah you're right. My mom just died. All I need is my best friend keeping secrets from me." I spat, sarcasm oozing from my mouth.

"I'm moving okay!!" he shouted. I slammed on the breaks, bringing us to a halt in the middle of the road. Thank god there wasn't anyone behind me or they would have collided with me for sure. 

"What?" I asked, unsure if what I heard was correct.

"I told you, you have enough to deal with. I don't need to burden you with mine too."

"You're moving?" I repeated. All my fears were coming true. Dean was moving away. After so many years, he was really moving away this time. I just lost my mom and now I was going to lose my best friend too. Dean remained quiet, looking out the window, unsure of what to say. I would be tongue tied if I were in his position too. "When?" I managed to squeeze out, although the last thing I wanted to do was talk about his imminent departure.

"In a week." I took in a deep breath. I didn't expect it to be so soon. I mean give me a month at least, but no, life gave me one week. It dawned on me that that would mean Dean wasn't going to be joining me for senior year.

"That's before school starts." I stated as if he didn't already know that. He sighed, not saying anything after that. I shook my head and continued driving him home. The rest of the car ride was silent, only the sound of the engine and the tires as they rolled over the tarmac. The sky was overcast, signs of a thunderstorm approaching. I felt myself slowly slipping back to my depressed state. Why did the world have to do this to me? It wasn't fair. Why did everything have to happen to me? As if taking my mother away wasn't enough, my best friend was being taken away too.

I stopped in front of his house and looked at the humble abode. It looked almost identical to mine from the outside, although as I had found out over the many years of going over to his, that the insides were as different as could be. While mine had the feeling of a country cabin, with its parquet floorboards, mahogany walls and solid stone fireplace, his was state of the art. Marble tiles, metallic kitchen and enough gadgets to make an electronics shop envious.

I waited for Dean to exit but he just sat there looking at the dashboard. I wasn't going to chase him out. I had a week left with him, and every moment I could spend with him I was going to. "I'll still be here for your birthday though, if you still wanted to do something." He said. My birthday? I thought about it and remembered that my birthday was in three days time. With everything that has happened, it seemed like such an insignificant thing. "I'll understand if you don't want to do anything though." He said. I looked at him and smiled sadly.

"Nah, I need to get my mind off things for a while. Plus, it's the last birthday I'm going to spend with you so I might as well right?"

"Hey, this is not last goodbyes okay. We're still going to be best buds. I'm gonna call you and Skype and whatever. We're gonna play video games until late and laugh at each other's bad jokes. We're gonna talk about our futures after high school and salvage the joke that is our love lives. We're gonna graduate from college and maybe move to the same town where we'll both settle down. We're gonna stay friends, no matter the distance that's between us." He said.

I smiled, looking over at him. "I love you man." I said, grabbing him for a hug. He hugged back, giving me a tight squeeze.

"Yeah man I love you too." He said pulling away. "And I know you hate people telling you this but I'm gonna say it anyway. It gets better." 

"I hope so man. I really hope so." He smiled sadly before exiting the truck. I watched him walk up to his house before he turned around at his porch, giving me one last wave, which I returned before driving off. 

I was still sad that Dean was leaving but I knew what he said was true. We would still be friends, even if he were halfway across the country. It's just that I would not be able to hang with him, physically at least. I drove home, thinking about how I was going to spend the next few days with Dean. Though I was still depressed about my mom, I was going to make this the best few days of my life. I owed Dean that much at least. I kept talking about how this affected me but I didn't look at it from his perspective. 

He was moving and leaving his best friend too. Being Dean, knowing that he was leaving me after what happened to my mom, would have been just as bad as for him as it was for me. He was a caring person and since middle school, he had always wanted to be there for whatever problems I had. He was my pillar of strength so to speak. So for him, leaving me when I was hurting was as much a pain for him to bear too.

I stopped in front of my house, seeing my dad's jeep parked there. I remember how I used to hate the fact that he was home, to see his disinterested expression whenever it came to me. The day he told me about my mom's passing was the first day in a long time that he showed me any sort of emotion whatsoever. To be honest, I wasn't sure where our relationship was going to go after that. 

My mom was gone, the one person who made living with my dad bearable and probably the other way too. With her now out of the picture, I wondered where that would lead us. Would he disown me now, kick me out of the house and tell me he never wanted to see me again? Would he welcome me back to his heart, back to the days that we hung out and bonded with each other? Or would we remain status quo, him pretending I don't exist?

The answer to that question was a big fat, I don't know.

But there was one way to find out and find out I had to as I stepped out of truck, slamming the door shut and locking it behind me. I took my time walking up the porch, looking at the grass growing on the lawn, remembering so many months ago when I said I was going to mow the lawn, only to enter the house to the smell of my mom's baking. 

I opened my front door but I smelt nothing. No cookies in the oven; no whiff of perfume my mom used to wear. I felt my insides wrench in sorrow. Never will I ever shout 'Mom I'm home' again. Never again will she smile at me, kissing me on the cheek. Never again will she tell me she loved me.

I let out a small whimper as I closed the door and leaned against it, sliding down to the floor. I closed my eyes, keeping the tears at bay, not wanting to cry anymore. I was exhausted and I had to be strong. I cursed at myself, telling myself that I could carry on; that that was what my mom would have wanted. Keep my head held high and get on with life, not mope around all day. She deserved that wish.

I took a deep breath, opening my eyes before pushing myself up to stand. I walked to the living room to see my dad, lying back on the couch, his head thrown back on the headrest. He took a deep breath, eyes closed, probably trying to keep his emotions in check as I was doing just moments ago. He and I were alike in so many ways, but it didn't matter after I came out. Whatever similarities we had were put in our past.

"Dad." I said, waiting for him to give me a response. This was the time to find out the answer to the question I was asking myself earlier. Would he kick me while I'm down, say sorry and hug me or say nothing at all. He kept his eyes close as if not hearing me. "Dad...Dean is moving away." I said.

If anything was going to get him to say something, it was that. He knew Dean and I were inseparable and it was the perfect time to tell me to fuck off and go with him, or tell me it's all right. 

I got neither.

He just sat there, indifferent, acting like he didn't hear a thing. I guess I found the answer to my question. I was hurt to say the least. I would have preferred him kicking me out to be honest, scream at me or something. Doing that would have showed me that he at least cared enough; that I was worth the effort. No such luck. I was nothing to him. Not even worth the effort of listening to.

I sighed, turning around and heading up to my room. Closing my door, I dropped down onto my bed, burying my face in my pillow. I lay like that for a while before my phone vibrated in my pocket. I groaned, reaching into my jeans and pulling out my phone. I lifted my head off my pillow to read the text from Dean.

"I know what we're gonna do on your birthday." I read. That night was spent texting each other, or should I say him texting me his plan and me trying to talk him out of it. I mean come on it was my birthday, why were we doing something he wanted to do. But of course try as I might, I eventually gave in to him, which was why I was waiting outside school on the night of my birthday. 

Of course no one other than Dean wished me, not even my dad. But I can't say that I was surprised. I looked up at the night sky as I waited for Dean, lying on the hood of my truck. He told me to wait here while he got some stuff. I was pretty sure that whatever we were about to do was borderline illegal. As I stared at the starry sky, well as starry as it could be in Seattle at least, I thought about my mom, somewhere up there smiling down on me.

"Happy birthday Sweetie." I imagined my mom say. I smiled and closed my eyes and breath in the cool night air. Somehow the depressing feelings I had were kept at bay, probably because of Dean. He always had a way of making me feel better and with the amount of time we've spent together the past few days, it's no wonder I wasn't feeling depressed. Of course, I knew this was only temporary. Once Dean left, I knew I would drop right back to my funk, maybe more so than before because I didn't have him there to bring me out of it.

I shook the thought from my mind. This night was not going to be spoilt by my negative thoughts. It was my birthday, my last with Dean, at least for a long time and I was going to enjoy it. Just be with my best bud like he has always been there for me.

"Sorry I'm late." Dean said, walking up to my truck.

"What's new?" I deadpanned. 

"Well I...you...oh nevermind. C'mon let's go." He said, walking towards the school with his large bag he brought along. I slid off my truck following closely behind him. Now that he was here, I suddenly felt my nerves acting up. My head scanned the vicinity, making sure no one was around.

"You sure this is a good idea?" I whispered as we rounded the school to the football field.

"Oh you're not backing out now. This is going to be a birthday you'll never forget." He said. It already was a birthday I won't forget, seeing as it was my first birthday without my mom. I slapped myself again, keeping all those thoughts at bay. Not tonight. He stopped outside the fence surrounding the football field, dropping his bag on the floor; the sound of metal hitting the ground reverberated across the silent field.

"Geez what did you bring?" I asked, kicking the bag, which was a lot heavier than it looked.

"Just in case." He said, climbing over the fence. "Throw my bag over." He instructed and I did as he told, heaving the mass over the fence. I proceeded to follow suit and climbed over as well. Before I even got over, Dean was already off, heading towards the locker rooms. 

I ran over to him to catch up. "Why must we go through here anyway?" I asked.

"Because..." He trailed off, pushing the locker room door, which parted easily. He turned to me and smirked, not before I rolled my eyes though. Only Dean would know the locker room doors wouldn't be locked, being the troublemaker that he was. I followed him in walking past the row of lockers before I stopped in front of one. "C'mon dude, what's the hold up." Dean asked when he noticed I stopped. 

I looked at the name of the locker, smiling evilly. Nick Preston's locker. "Do you have anything beside tools in that bag of yours. Anything smelly or something?" 

"No, all I have is tools and a marker." He said.

"Good enough, hand me the marker." I asked, catching the thrown marker. 

"What are you doing?" Dean asked walking over to me as I started writing on his locker in permanent ink. Dean expression went from curiosity to plain disinterest. "Seriously?" He cocked an eyebrow in my direction.

"What? It's sure to get his teammates questioning him." 

"What are we, in preschool?" He stated, walking away shaking his head as he went. I read through the message I left on his locker

'Hey Nick, you were great the other day. Still can't believe you took all 10" of me. I was so afraid you're teammates would walk in. You were moaning so loud. Can't wait for next time. Love, Jake.'

"Take that you homophobic jackass." I mumbled following Dean out the locker room and following him up to the second floor. He stopped in front of the chained gate that led to the roof, taking out a pair of chain cutters. I just stood back and watched as he swiftly broke the lock and let the chain fall to the floor. "You do that a lot?"




Loss to Love Ch. 02



"No..." He said sheepishly, prying the gate open and walking up the stairs that led to the roof. The cool air hit my face and I took another deep breath in. I scanned the surroundings, seeing the greenhouse where the botany club usually hung. Other than that, the roof was pretty empty. When school was open, the roof was open all the time. Students loved to come up here for lunch or studying after school. It was one of the nicer, more peaceful parts of the school.

Dean and I hung out here on a regular basis. I watched as Dean walked over to the edge and swung his legs out, dangling them over the side of the school. I rolled my eyes. It was dangerous yes, but I couldn't stop him from doing that every time he came up here. You know what they say? When you can't beat them, join them. I followed his lead, swinging my legs off the side next to him. "You really should stop doing this. It's dangerous." I stated looking down at the field in front of us.

"Then why are you doing it too?" He smirked.

"Because you're a bad influence that's why."

"Remember that time we saw Katy slap Mike from here?" He asked, recalling one time after school when we were just hanging out, at the very same spot that we were currently in. 

Katy Thorne, who was head cheerleader, broke up with Mike Weil, star quarterback in the most dramatic fashion and Dean and I was there to watch it all unfold. It was funny to say the least. Katy was going crazy accusing Mike of cheating, making a huge scene on the field, during practice no less. Everyone simply stopped and watched the show. After some hysterical screaming, Katy slapped mike hard across the face and stormed off the field. Of course all this happened two years ago and they have since graduated, but the story still floats the halls of Jameson High.

"Yeah, definitely had some good times up here." I said.

"So what did I tell you? Wasn't this a good idea?" He asked.

"Okay fine, this was totally worth it." I leaned back on my hands and stared out to the dark sky. "I'm really gonna miss you."

"Yeah me too. I'll try to call as often as possible though." He said.

"Yeah I know but it just won't be the same if you're not here." He didn't say anything, and to be honest he didn't need to. It was the truth and nothing could change that. He was leaving, regardless of how much I didn't want him to he was leaving. He sighed, bringing my attention back to him.

"I wish I didn't have to go. There must be some way for you to..." He paused. He had that 'idea' face on. "Hang on." He said, getting off the ledge and going back over to his bag. I watched as he rummaged through the bag, tossing some tools out as he search for whatever he was looking for. "Aha found it." He said, pulling out a hammer and chisel. I raised an eyebrow at him. 

"What, you're gonna kill me now?" I asked.

"What? No. Just follow me." I did as he instructed following him to the wall that stood beside the greenhouse. A couple of potted plants hung off it but most of it was bare. He placed the chisel onto the wall and hit it with the hammer, chipping off a small piece of concrete. He repeated, breaking off more and more wall.

"What are you doing?" I asked, watching him chip away at the wall but all he replied was a rude shush. I rolled my eyes and just watched him work. Slowly I could see letters forming from his carving. After a good fifteen minutes, he stepped back and admired his work. He smiled, apparently pleased with himself. Sure the letters where very crooked and almost unreadable, but it was the thought that counts. 

I stared at the wall, letting a small smile creep onto my lips. "DL + DC, BFF" read the carved message of our initials. "If you ever feel lonely, just come up here and look at this. Remember that I'll always be there for you, whenever you need me." He said.

I pulled him to me in a bear hug squeezing him as tightly as I could but he didn't complain or grunt in pain, all he did was hug me back with the same ferocity. "Thanks Dean." I muttered.

"No problem man. Happy 19th Birthday Drew!"



Loss to Love Ch. 03



The ride to school was quiet, my lovable sidekick missing from my passenger seat. Dean had left the previous day, heading back to New York with his parents. Of course I sent him off at the airport.

"You be good now." I said as I hugged him.

"Since when have I ever been good?" He rebutted, chuckling. "I'll miss you." 

"This isn't goodbye." I said. Dean was a part of my life. The best friend that everyone wished they met in their life; the kind of friend that, even after not meeting for years, could talk as if it was just yesterday; the type that you told all your secrets and never judged you for it. So it was natural that when he flew off that day, a little part of me died and followed him.

Now I was driving to school, the sky rumbling as droplets of rain hit my windscreen. As I expected, with Dean gone, there was nothing to keep my emotions at bay. I felt alone. For the first time in my life, I truly felt alone. I didn't have anyone at home to confide in and my one confidante was across the country. 

But still I wouldn't cry, letting the sky cry for me.

I parked in front of my high school, looking at the building that I was just a few days ago sneaking into with Dean. The first day of senior year and I felt like shit. Senior year was supposed to be the best time of your high school life. It didn't seem to start so hot for me though.

I pulled my hood up, getting out of my truck. The cold drizzle hit my face, feeling like pins against my skin. I stuck my hands into my pockets, trudging over to the entrance of Jameson High. I watched as students waved hi to each other, getting reacquainted after a long summer, settling into their cliques, chatting away as they walked down the hallways. 

With eyes downcast, I dragged myself to my locker. I couldn't look at anyone. I couldn't see the sympathy in their eyes. Apparently my misfortunes had spread all across school. Gossip turned to whispers as I walked past groups of kids, all not making it too discreet that they were talking about me. I dared myself to look up, just once, only to have my gaze land on the concerned looks of students. I sighed, returning my eyes to the floor.

I went for the first few periods, sitting at the back of the class each time. Even the teachers who walked in gave me those looks. I didn't need their pity; all it did was remind me that my life, everything that meant anything to me, was gone. No one came to talk to me though, knowing better than to disturb me now, which was fine by me. That is, until one person had the nerve to break that unspoken rule.

I was at my locker, grabbing my books for the next class. 

"Langston." I heard beside me. Now wasn't the time I wanted to deal with Nick. He already had the nerve to talk to me today when everyone else just left me alone, as I wanted. I was pretty sure this had to do with the message I left him on his locker.

"Not today Nick." I spat, feeling irritation boiling up in me at his voice, stuffing books into my backpack.

"Hey c'mon. I just wanted to talk." He said, looking at me as he leaned against the locker.

"I said not today Nick. I'm not in the mood to deal with you today." I slammed my locker shut for added effect. I turned away from him and started to walk away when I felt a hand grab my shoulder.

"Drew..." Was all he managed to say before I turned abruptly, the irritation turning into full-blown anger; anger at him, at the student body, the school staff and the world. I grabbed the front of his shirt, pushing him back and smashing him into the side of the lockers. He looked shocked for a short while before his expression relaxed.

"Don't you understand English? I said I'm not in the mood!" I shouted at him. "What? Want to make my life more miserable than it already is? Want to kick me while I'm down? My mom is dead and my best friend has moved away. But of course that's not enough is it? Want to call me a fag and tell me I'm don't deserve to live anyway? Hit me till I don't even want to get up anymore? Is that it?" I could feel my hands curling into fists, my nails digging painfully into my palm. "I want to hit you so bad right now, you know that?" 

"Then do it." He said, looking at me in the eyes, his eyes set in determination. His words knocked me out of my rage. Yes I was still fuming but I could keep it in check.

"I'm not like you." I spat, releasing his shirt.

"Oh don't act all high and mighty. You know you want to do it. I'm giving you the chance and you're turning it down." He said, his voice rising as his temper rose.

"Hitting you will not bring them back!" I shouted, closing the distance between us.

"No it won't, but that doesn't mean you can't vent your frustration." He said, bumping his chest into me, knocking me back a step. "Just hit me."

"No!"

"Coward!" He screamed. I lost it, grabbing his shirt, pushing him into the locker. My right fist came up, ready to strike him across the jaw. The blow would surely knock his head back into the lockers. Adrenaline and anger coursed through my veins, fueling my arm as I sent it hurtling to his face. The sound of metal clanging rang across the hallway. I looked into Nick's brown eyes, glancing at my fist implanted into the locker, mere inches from his face. Yeah I didn't hit him, but I sure hell was close to it. 

I dropped my right fist down, seeing the dent I made in the locker, my left hand still clutching his shirt. Everyone in the hallway was looking at us now, mostly shocked faces everywhere. No one had ever seen me lose my cool before, even when Nick taunted me I never lost it like that. I felt a tear escape my eye and roll down my cheek. The emotional outbreak opened the floor gates. I felt everything crashing into me; sadness, anger and frustration. They filled me up to a point I thought I was going to burst. 

"Don't you ever call me a coward again." I hissed through clenched teeth. "If I was a real coward, I wouldn't be standing here talking to you today." I let go of his shirt and stormed off, leaving awestruck students behind me. I wasn't going to class, not in the state that I was in. I headed to the second floor, the gate to the roof open seeing that school was back in. I walked out to the roof, which was devoid of human life, probably because it was just raining earlier. 

I walked over to the wall with our initials on it. Our wall. I looked at the letters carved into the concrete. I brought my right hand up, tracing the letter, only to notice blood trailing down my finger. I inspected my knuckle, which apparently split when I punched the locker. The blood had started to dry so I ignored it; I was feeling so much worse pain than that. Another tear escaped my eyes as I looked at our little work of vandalism. 

"I miss you already Dean." I muttered feeling another tear flow down my face. I didn't want to keep it in anymore. It was too exhausting. I leaned against the wall and slid to the ground, leaning my elbows on bent knees, letting the tears fall. I closed my eyes, feeling the cool breeze on my skin, the tear tracks colder than the rest. I felt a presence appear next to me but I didn't open my eyes. Whoever it was slid down beside me but didn't say anything. I opened my eyes and saw Nick sitting beside me. "You really don't get 'not now' do you."

He didn't say anything, just looking at his hand, playing with his fingers. I shook my head, closing my eyes once again. I heard the school bell go off, hoping that he would get up and leave, but he didn't. We sat there in complete silence for ten minutes, just enjoying the cool air. "Sorry." He finally said. I finally managed to stop crying and I opened one red eye, glancing at him.

"For? Last I checked, I was the one who almost broke your jaw." I said. He chuckled, smiling.

"Yeah and I guess thanks for that. But I am sorry, for everything."

"It's not your fault. Life's just a bitch." I replied.

"No not that either...ugh I mean...for all the shit I put you through. I'm sorry about that." He apologized, constantly playing around with his fingers. Was he nervous about this? Nick Preston and nervous didn't go in the same sentence.

"Yeah you should be." I smirked, trying to calm him down a little.

"Yeah I didn't mean anything I ever did to you. I just...I don't know...feel the need to tease you." He quipped, which I had to raise my eyebrow to. "Sounds stupid I know but yeah."

"You sure it's not cause you're an ignorant homophobe?" I smirked.

"No!!! C'mon we're in the 21st century. I just liked to see you squirm."

"Sadistic bastard." I muttered. He laughed looking at me with those brown eyes. Brown eyes that I've never seen looking at me with kindness before. I wasn't going to lie, Nick was good looking, the hottest guy in school to be exact. His brown hair cropped at the side but spiky on the top gave him an almost innocent, boyish look. We stayed there for a while; not saying anything, the sound of students could be heard from the nearby field. The air was humid from the rain, the smell of freshly cut grass mixed with the cologne that Nick was wearing. It was all very peaceful.

"I really am sorry you know...and I was kinda hoping we could start off anew. Forget everything that has happened between us. Friends?" He asked after the silence, sticking his hand out. 

"Why should I trust you? For all I know this could be another of your ploys to make my life hell." I said.

"I understand that but I'm serious. No shit this time. I'm being honest, I swear." He said, not putting down him outstretched hand. I stared at him awhile before spitting in my hand and shaking his. He tried pulling his hand away but I kept my grip on his, his face twisting in disgust. 

"That's for everything. But fine, friends...for now, but I'm watching you. If this is a joke, you're gonna wish I knocked you out just now." I said, letting go of his hands. He pulled it away before wiping it on my sweatshirt. 

"And thanks for the message on my locker. Now everyone thinks I got screwed by some Jake dude." He said, thumping me on the head. I played innocent, pretending to not know what he was talking about. "And for the record, I would do the fucking, not the other way around. Can't say the same for you though." 

"Oh you want to get into my sex life now? Slow down tiger, I don't go for bi curious guys." I teased, lightly tapping his cheek.

"Oh don't play dumb. I know you want me." He smirked.

"Don't flatter yourself dude. Personality is more important than a hot bod."

"So you're admitting I have a hot bod then." He stated.

"I never...you...ugh you're infuriating." I said, crossing my arms across my chest. He pushed himself off the wall, kneeling in front of me. "What are you doing?" 

In a swift action, he pinned my arms beside my head and straddled me, an evil grin on his face, pinning me against the wall. He bent his head close to mine, his breath tickling the skin on my neck. I stared at him in disbelief as he ran his face so close to mine, my hairs stood on end. He never actually touched me and yet I felt myself getting turned on. I felt myself growing in my jeans at his proximity, his breath dancing across my skin. He stopped his lips inches from mine, looking at me straight in the eye. I stared back, unsure of what was happening. 

Nick was straight; he had a girlfriend. Or was what I said about him being Bi curious true. I was a little scared of what was going to happen next, his eyes boring into mine. I was fully hard now, straining against my jeans. I stared into his eyes, trying to figure out what was swimming in his mind, before the side of his lips curled up in a smile. "See, you want me alright." He laughed letting go of me and climbing off, returning to his spot beside me.

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. Glaring at him, laughing in his spot. "I wasn't turned on." I tried although my blush probably betrayed me.

"Yeah sure you weren't." he said, putting an arm around my shoulder. It was odd having Nick acting so chummy with me. The only time we ever had any physical contact was when he was either pinning me to the ground, putting me in a headlock or twisting my arm behind my back. Not to say that I'm complaining though; I'd much rather him put his arm around me instead of inflicting pain on me. The school bell rang in the distance.

"This is so weird." I voiced my thoughts, not even looking at Nick.

"Good weird or bad weird." He asked.

"Still not sure." I replied to which he laughed and pinched my cheek.

"You're cute. C'mon it's almost time for lunch." He said, getting up. I raised an eyebrow. Did Nick just call me cute? I mean he could have meant it as cute like acting cute but still it caught me off guard. Cut me some slack, I thought the guy was homophobic just earlier in the day, and suddenly he's touching me, calling me cute and putting his face within kissing distance of mine. It would have made anyone confuse. I watched as he walked to the stairs, turning around and waiting for me. He made a 'what are you waiting for' motion, snapping me out of my thoughts and getting up.

I followed him down the stairs, walking behind him, my hands deep in my hoodie pockets. Nick turned around a few times to make sure I was following since I hadn't said a single word since leaving the roof. I noticed a few stares shoot my way, muttering whispers thinking I couldn't hear them. The news of my outbreak earlier in the day was already making it's way around school and I couldn't help but shake my head at the virus that is gossip. "Just ignore it. It'll all eventually blow over. Look on the bright side, no one wants to get on your bad side now." 

"Huh, like anyone ever got on my bad side besides you." I retorted.

"Well you sure did teach me a lesson. Please don't hit me." He mock whimpered, covering his face with his hands. "I didn't even know you could punch like that. Would have made me think twice about picking on you last time."

"What? Just cause I'm gay I'm supposed to hit like a girl?" I quipped. 

"No, it's just you don't seem like the type to throw a punch like that." I raised an eyebrow at his comment. "No I mean...you...you're a guy, I know but...you...ugh that's not what I meant. I mean c'mon you're not even the feminine type."

"I don't know whether to be flattered or insulted by you're comment." I deadpanned. 

"Well I meant it with the least disrespect I swear. Oh god, who knew talking to you would be so awkward." He said.

"Well you should be honored that I'm even talking to you." I joked, which made him smile. 

"Indeed I am." He said, pushing open the doors to the cafeteria. The warmth of the kitchen felt good against my skin. The smell of food made my stomach grumble. I followed behind Nick as we queued for our food, which consisted of some spaghetti, meatballs and a side salad. Normally school food made me lose my appetite but this time, it only made me realize how hungry I was. I hadn't eaten the previous night as well as the morning before so I was basically running on empty.

As I stood with the tray of food I couldn't wait digging into, I stopped to ponder where I was going to sit. You see, in the past I would have sat with Dean at the far end of the cafeteria, away from majority of the student body. Now there were a couple problems to that concept. One being that Dean was no longer around to sit with me, and two, my table has already been occupied by a group of freshmen. I let out a breath of exasperation. 

"Well don't just stand there c'mon." Nick's voice knocked me out of my stupor, making me shoot him a confused look. "Well you didn't think that you wouldn't be eating with me now did you? When I said friends, I meant the whole package. Not some part-time thing."

I felt something akin to awe at Nick but as I looked past him at the table that he usually sat at, any feeling I had was replaced my one of uneasiness. His table was considered the 'popular' table. A few kids from the football team and their hot cheerleader girlfriends. I always got the impression that the table had an aura surrounding it; an aura that just screamed, 'come too close and we'll bite your head off'. The aura was weird seeing that everyone who sat at that table was nice to almost everyone else. Not the typical popular kids in movies who didn't give a fuck about anyone else but themselves. Maybe it was just me.

"You mean you want me to sit there?" I asked, nodding my head in the direction of his table. 

"Yeah why? Don't worry, they don't bite." He said, turning and making his way towards the table of doom, or so I called it, placing his tray on the table and sitting down. Residents of the group returned their greetings, a few bumping fists with Nick. "I brought someone along if you guys don't mind." Nick said, turning to face me. All at once I felt half a dozen pair of eyes shoot in my direction. To say I felt uncomfortable under their gaze was a little of an understatement. 

"Hi." I said, my voice catching in my throat. A blush shot to my cheeks as embarrassment filled me. When I thought their stares were going to burn a hole in me, they lightened and a smile spread across their faces. A couple of them broke up laughing and I felt myself blush even further. 

"Oh you should have seen your face. Priceless." Tray Parker, linebacker of the team laughed as he wiped the tear from his eye. 

"Glad I amuse you." I deadpanned as I sat at the far right of the table next to Nick.

"Tray Parker." Tray said, stretching out his hand for a handshake, to which I left him hanging.

"I know who you are Tray."

"I know, I was just being polite. I mean everyone at this school knows who I am." He joked.

"Yeah and you're modest too." He smirked at my sarcastic comment before looking at Nick.

"You should have had your butt kick by him long ago. He's great." Tray said, pretending I wasn't there.

"Hey I didn't get my butt kick by him okay." Nick tried defending himself but me being me, I knew I had to say something. I can't help it sometimes.

"Yeah sure, just keep telling yourself that. It would probably soothe the wound." I teased, sticking my fork into my spaghetti and stuffing it into my mouth. I slightly cringed at the strong garlic taste that filled my mouth but I was too hungry to care. Who cares if my breath stinks anyway?

"I think you're gonna fit in just fine here." Tray said, digging into his lunch as well, not before Nick shot him a glare. 

As I sat there and listened to the group talk, I realized that they really were genuinely nice people. Sure they're not going to be winning some peace prize or something but they were decent. My misconception of them putting up a facade just to gain popularity with the student body was somewhat blown out the water. Plus, I realized that although Nick was the star quarterback, he was kind of the little kid in the group. A lot, if not all, light-hearted banter was aimed at him, to which he would chuckle and shake his head. It was so different from the guy that picked on my everyday.

"Hey guys, sorry I'm late. I was helping Suzy with something." I looked up at the pretty red head with striking green eyes, dainty pointed nose and pink lush lips that was our school head cheerleader and girlfriend to Nick. Kate Benson bent down and placed a small peck on Nick's cheek before taking a seat across me. She looked up at me and a surprised look crossed her face. Apparently she hadn't noticed the new addition to their group. "Oh I didn't know we were having guests." She smiled. "Drew right?"

"You know who I am?" I asked, a little bewildered that she knew my name. I mean I was known around school as the gay kid but most people didn't actually know my name.

"Yeah why not? I heard you beat up a jock today." She said.

"Will everyone stop it? I didn't get beat up." Nick cried, pouting like a little kid, which was cute in a way.




Loss to Love Ch. 03



"Sure." The simultaneous echo of disbelief from everyone at the table seemed straight from a TV show. The others realized this too and burst out laughing at the coincidence of it all. Nick just pouted. 

"So anyway, nice to meet you. I would like to apologize on behalf of the halfwit next to you for the past few years." Kate smiled.

"Okay I think I'm gonna go hide my face somewhere else before you guys completely destroy my ego. Bye." Nick said, getting up and walking away from the table. I felt kind of compelled to do the same, since the only reason I was sitting where I was, was because of Nick. 

"Don't worry about him, he's not bothered by it." Tray said, breaking me from my thoughts.

"What?"

"I said he's fine with the teasing. He has said so himself. Plus we never really go overboard with it. Beside if you ask me, he could do with keeping his ego in check. Being star quarterback can kind of go to your head." Tray said.

"He doesn't seem like the kind though."

"Oh he's not, but we like to think of it as a precaution, to keep him grounded and stuff. He has so much going for him that it can get a little overwhelming at times." I got what Tray was saying. Nick was basically the perfect student. Athlete, straight A student and probably senior class president, he had a lot going for him. It would make anyone's head big.

"Enough about Nick. Let's talk about you. Senior year been good so far? I mean it's the first day and all but it's senior year." Kate bounced in her seat. I didn't know how to answer her though seeing that senior year wasn't turning out how I was hoping it would have turned out. I saw Tray shoot Kate a wide-eyed glare to which she blushed. "I mean it's not...it's just...I'm just gonna stop talking now."

"Sorry about Kate, she sometimes forgets the big picture. We know that it's probably a tough time for you." Tray said. 

"No it's fine. I would be excited for senior year too. It's every student's big year I guess. I just wish I could have started it under better circumstances." I said 

"Well I can't say that I understand what you're going through but I will be here for you nonetheless. I can be your best friend. I've always wanted a gay best friend." Kate said, beaming at me to which I couldn't help but chuckle.

"If you're expecting a shopping slash mani-pedi kind of guy then you've got to keep looking though. I'm more a video game computer geek type." I said. 

"Damn. No matter though, you like guys, I like guys. We have that in common." She laughed. I shook my head. In a way she reminded me of Dean. She had his carefree personality and infectious laugh. "Shall we head to class? You have biology next too right?" I thought about it a while before nodding my head to her question. "Great, we can go together. Bye guys." She chirped, getting up from the table. I followed her and waved my goodbyes. 

I walked out of the cafeteria, my hands in my pants pockets. Kate came out from behind me and weaved an arm through mine, locking us together at the elbow. It was strange, seeing that prior to today, my only friend in school was Dean. Who would have thought that I would have Kate Benson, on my arm? 

"Hey." Nick appeared around the corner. "Wow a few minutes away from you guys and you're already best friends?" He said, looking at our locked arms. 

"Why? Jealous?" Kate stuck her tongue out, showing off her child like demeanor. The relationship Nick and Kate shared was akin to a bickering couple, probably because they were friends way before they started dating two years back. 

"Please. You can have her if you want." He said to me to which I raised an eyebrow.

"Well if he wasn't gay I would gladly except." I got a little uncomfortable being in the middle of their little spat but all I could do was stand there. "C'mon let's just get to class." Kate said, pulling me off towards biology. 

The rest of the day went by pretty smoothly. Once parting ways with Kate and Nick after biology, things just fell back into my usual routine. Being around Nick and his gang felt surreal, like I was in a dream or something. Nick would have taken every chance to make my life miserable and he suddenly became this friend. Of course it's an improvement, don't think that I'm complaining because I'm not. It just feels weird.

The school bell marked the end of the first day of school and I found myself heading to my truck outside the school. I spotted Little Red and made my way over to her, fishing my keys from my pants pocket. I looked around and saw other students leaving as well, some getting into their cars while others headed to the field, probably to hang. I reach my truck and was about to unlock it when someone startled me from the back.

"Hey there." Nick said, his tenor voice so distinct. I jumped, dropping my keys on the floor.

"Geez you scared the shit out of me." I said, turning around and looking at him. 

"Sorry...wait, no I'm not." He laughed. I shook my head and bent down to pick my keys up.

"Any reason you wanted to give me a heart attack?" I said, sticking the key into the truck door, twisting it to unlock.

"Yeah, I need a ride home." He said, I turned to him and raised an eyebrow. 

"What happened to your car?" Nick drove a nice Audi RS5 and I wondered why he would need a ride from me.

"It's at the workshop. So I'm car-less and I need a ride home, and seeing that we're neighbors, I was thinking we could car pool." He said, giving me a cute smile.

"Fine. Get in." I said, getting into the drivers seat, watching as Nick bounded around the truck to get into the passenger side. He got in and I waited for him to buckle up before headed out of school. 

"So how was you're day?" He asked, in an almost couple like manner.

"What are you, my boyfriend?" I said, keeping my eyes on the road.

"You'd like that wouldn't you." He smirked and I had to scoff at his remark. No I didn't want Nick as my boyfriend, no matter how cute...wait what? No. I have no feelings for Nick Preston. I shook the thought from my head. 

"I would have expected you to be out with Kate or something." I said.

"Yeah well, she has other plans." He said. "Besides, she lives on the other side of town and I didn't want to trouble her." 

"But you wanted to trouble me?"

"Oh c'mon, like it's any trouble. You're heading in the same direction anyway." He said, defensively.

"Dude I was joking." I smiled, to which he just muttered a quiet 'oh' and blushed. Nick Preston was blushing. If I weren't driving I would have taken a photo. "So when's your car out of the workshop?" 

"Probably tomorrow afternoon, meaning..."

"You need a ride to school tomorrow." I finished his sentence.

"Clever and cute. It's a wonder you're not attached." He said. For the second time that day, Nick had called me cute. What was his game anyway?

"Stop calling me cute." I muttered.

"What? You prefer handsome, because quite frankly, don't flatter yourself." He smirked.

"Asshole." I stopped in front of my house and turned off the engine, getting out of the vehicle. Nick followed my lead. "So yeah tomorrow morning 7.30. Don't be late."

Nick walked over to me and ruffled up my hair, which I immediately pulled away from. I had something about other people touching my hair. "Sure thing. Thanks for the ride by the way." I nodded my acknowledgement and watched as he turned and headed over to his house. I sighed and shook my head. Even on good terms, Nick could be irritating in an almost innocent kind of way. I don't know.

I headed straight for my room, turning on my computer and logging into Skype. I wasn't sure if Dean would be on but it didn't hurt to check. Sure enough he was online and I initiated a video chat with him. After a few moments of connecting through, his face popped up on screen, blurry from his shitty laptop webcam and poor lighting. 

"Hey man." He said.

"Hey. How's New York?" 

"Same old same old. Lonely I guess, seeing that you're not here." I smiled at his comment.

"Yeah well nothing you can do to change that."

"Hmm, what about you? Today was the first day of school right?" I nodded at his question. "So how was it? I would assume everyone gave you weird looks."

"That's an understatement. I almost broke Nick's jaw today."

"YOU WHAT!" Dean shouted, making my computer speakers scream. "Nick as in Nick Preston?"

"Like there is any other Nick in school." I deadpanned. "But I said almost. Didn't actually do it. I made quite a dent in the locker though."

"Whoa Drew Langston's a gangster." He laughed. "What happened? I assume he was being an ass, as usual and you just lost it."

"Actually quite the opposite. He came to apologize to me."

"Nick Preston. The Nick Preston? The guy who has been picking on you past three years of high school? That Nick Preston?" I understood his confusion. If it hadn't happen before my very eyes, I wouldn't have believed it either.

"Yes Dean. I know it's hard to believe, part of me still thinks it's all a dream but yes, Nick apologized for being the twit that he was."

"Okay did my leaving Jameson high cause everyone to go crazy? Next you're gonna tell me you're friends with the football team." He said. My eyes went wide, unsure if I should tell the other stuff that happened today. Dean however, picked up on my expression. "You're friends with the football team now?"

"Well no...not really I guess." Dean just gave me an 'explain yourself' expression, waiting for me to continue. "Well you see after I almost socked Nick, I went to the roof. Only thing was Nick followed me up there. We talked and he apologized more...then...he offered to be friends." I stopped. Dean wasn't moving nor saying anything, making me think if the Skype call was lagging or hanged there or something. "Dean you there?" I checked, before Dean shook his head.

"Continue. I'm still here."

"Okay well. I accepted, tentatively of course and then he asked me to sit with him at lunch at the table of doom."

"Whoa whoa whoa hold up. You sat at their table? Talk about jumping social classes." He smirked.

"Yeah well our old table had been hijacked by a group of freshmen. So anyway yeah, I sat there, talk to Tray Parker and Kate Benson a little, and I guess that's it." 

"Oh god, Drew Langston is now a popular. They grow up so fast." Dean mocked, wiping the non-existent tear from his face. "But I would still keep an eye on Nick if I were you. It all sounds so weird to me." I scoffed.

"Try living it. Weirdness level off the charts, and I'm way ahead of you. I think Nick has ulterior motives but I still don't know what they are at the moment."

"Yeah well I'm sure you can handle him." Dean said.

"I hope so." Yeah I sure did. Nick was an enigma, one that I intended on deciphering.



Loss to Love Ch. 04



As the weeks passed, Nick kept to his word about wanting to be friends. He ate with me, or should I say, dragged me to his table every lunch and even invited me over to his house a couple times to play video games. I still had this feeling Nick was hiding something from me though, that he had ulterior motives to his sudden friendship to me. I wanted to talk to him a couple of times about it, get him to divulge his reason but I was never the persuasive type and would have probably ended up with nothing gained.

But whatever his intentions were, it was hard to decipher. Nothing he did seemed to point to any gain on his part, which just further baffled me. He was the one making the effort to get to know me, not the other way around. I hadn't completely trusted him, but with each passing day I could feel my walls coming down. 

Not just Nick too. I felt myself growing closer to his group of friends, Kate and Tray in particular. What with Kate's similar personality to Dean, it just helped fill the void that Dean once occupied. Tray on the other hand was the laid back, chill kind of guy, so much like my own personality that it was no surprise we clicked. Nick was also a headache at times. Even after me telling him not to, on more than one occasion I might add, he still called me cute on a daily basis, which only added to my confusion.

Yeah on one hand I was suspicious about Nick, and on the other hand, I found myself growing attracted to him. Not to the point of wanting to kiss him or anything, hell not even to the point of wanting to hold his hand, but attraction there was no matter how little, and I hated that fact. In the past, Nick's seemingly horrible personality cancelled out any physical attraction I had towards him, but since he became my 'friend', little flecks of attraction had started to form.

So here I was, at lunch as usual sitting with Nick and his friends, although I guess you could say that they're my friends now too. Seeing that football season has started most of them talked football most of the time, something I didn't mind being left out of. I wasn't a sports person. 

"Not really a sports person huh." Nick said, turning to face me. I shook my head in acknowledgment. "Then what do you like to do?"

"Anything and everything."

"That's specific."

"I go with the flow. I do whatever I feel like doing at the time." I said.

"C'mon, surely you have hobbies." He pressed.

"I guess video editing but you already knew that."

"Oh right, you're like the best editor in school. I forgot about that. You made that video once, for English class." He said. I had to think back, recalling the stuff that I did for school. I finally recalled the video, one I did for English class back in sophomore year. I was surprise Nick even remembered it. "It was pretty good." 

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Don't patronize me." I deadpanned. That video was far from good and I wasn't being critical on myself. What was supposed to be a short, funny skit became one of the most awkward teen videos the world had ever seen. I can't even remember what it was about anymore, just that it was bad in retrospect. "That video sucked balls. In what way was it good?"

"Really? I thought it was kinda funny, in an awkward kind of way." He said.

"Yeah you thought it was funny cause of how bad it was."

"No, I don't think so...Tray" He called to Tray who turned to him. "Remember that video we saw in English class sophomore year." 

Tray thought for a while but shrugged his shoulders, unable to recall. 

"The 'so bad it was funny' video. The only video I made in sophomore year." I said. His face brightened as he recalled, not before his brow furrowed.

"Wait, you made that vid? But...it was so bad...no offense." Tray said.

"Non taken. It was a train wreck." I looked to Nick and raised an eyebrow at him. 

"Well at least it shows how much you've improved?" He tried, and I shook my head smiling. Kate came bouncing in, taking a seat across me. I noticed that for once she didn't give Nick her routine lunch kiss on the cheek. I looked to her then to Nick, both of whom returned my glances. "What?" I asked.

"You're the one that gave us that look first." Kate retorted. I played dumb and watched as Kate looked to Nick, sharing a look. It was clear something was up, and I knew they knew I knew. I watched as Nick and Kate had a silent argument with their expression, something they did on a regular basis, a little trick they developed from years of friendship. Kate took a deep breath, I assumed after they came to a silent agreement on the matter, whatever it was.

"Okay guys." She called, making everyone at the table turn to face her. "Yeah so uh...Nick and I have something to tell you guys...so...um Nick?" She said, chickening out and waiting for Nick to save her, to which he rolled his eyes.

"Kate and I are no longer a couple. We broke up yesterday on mutual terms." He said, without so much as a blink. Everyone was silent, unsure of what to say. Even I, who suspected something was up didn't expect that they would have broken up. "It's really no big deal and don't worry, we're still friends if that's what you're wondering. We talked yesterday and we just decided that our relationship was going nowhere past friendship. So we broke up." 

"But...you guys were together for two years. Why the sudden decision?" A cheerleader from the end of the table asked.

"We just...I guess figured we weren't for each other." Kate said.

"And what brought about this? You guys like someone else or something. We all know you can read each other like that and all." Tray asked. Kate visibly blushed at the comment, but it seemed only I noticed. So it was Kate who has feelings for someone else. I looked to Nick, whose expression was indifferent. 

"Look it doesn't matter what the reasons are, we just wanted to tell you guys that we are no longer dating. End of story." Nick said. 

"So you're both cool about it? No hard feelings?" Tray asked, although cautiously.

"Geez man, didn't I already say that it was mutual?" Nick rebuked. Contrary to what he said, I got the vibe that something was bothering Nick, whether it was because of the breakup or not, I did not know. It could very well be, but then again, he was fine until he got berated with questions. Perhaps he just didn't like his choices questioned?

Lunch became pretty quiet after that; the only people who really talked were Nick and Kate. Curiously enough, they spoke like nothing had transpired between them, which only made it sink in that they really were still friends, regardless of their breakup. The thought of them being those 'still friends but fucking awkward friends' thing must have crossed everyone's mind, but that wasn't the case, they were still really close. I guess it wasn't so easy to destroy years of friendship over a breakup, well at least that was the case for Nick and Kate. Nick did still seemed a little irritable though.

No one asked Nick anything else about the breakup due to his mood but I wasn't one to shy away from the truth. That day I had gym class with Nick and I figured it would have been the perfect time to weasel some information out of him. As if luck was on my side, coach asked us to run some laps around the field, which was perfect for me to talk to Nick. He ran at a comfortable pace, lucky for me as I could keep up with him. 

"So everything okay?" I asked.

"Why does everyone think I'm not okay?" He asked, exasperation in his tone. Okay so he was a more than a little irritable. In fact his mood seemed to have gotten worse since lunch. 

"Just asking because you seem a little on edge."

"I am not." He said defensively. I gave him a blank stare. "Okay so maybe I am, a little, but it's not cause of the breakup."

"Then what is it about?"

"Nothing. It's nothing, I'm just a little out of whack today."

"Is it the person Kate likes?" I probed further. I was walking on thin ice with my questions but I was curious.

"No."

"I already know Kate likes Tray." I lied, not actually knowing anything except a gut feeling. Nick stopped in his tracks, making me run a couple feet ahead of him before I stopped and turned too.

"She told you already? When?" His look conveyed something akin to betrayal. Maybe they made a pact not to say anything about it.

"She didn't. You just did." Nick gave me the finger and continued his run, me falling in step beside him again. "So that's the problem?"

"I told you it's not. Just...forget about it okay. I'm seriously fine over this breakup. You may not believe me but we really did mutually separate. We were both thinking it for some time now and we decided to finally act upon it. No biggie."

"I believe that part. It's the part that you say nothing is bothering you I don't believe." 

"You're entitled to your opinion." He said. 

"So if Kate likes Tray, then perhaps you like someone else too?" I said, taking a side-glance at Nick but he didn't say anything. Just then a small blush crept up on his cheeks, barely noticeable seeing that he was already slightly flushed from the run, but the deepened tint of crimson was unmistakable. I shook my head chuckling. "You are such a bad liar. So, who's the lucky lady?"

"It's not...I'm...It's none of your business." He stuttered, his cheeks growing a shade darker as he spoke. Trying to get away from my apparently embarrassing questions, he took off sprinting the last lap. I tried catching up with him, but I was in no way as fit as Nick. 

He managed to avoid me the rest of the day, that is, until last period, which was biology. Before the bell rang, I peeked my head in the class. A few students were already seated but Nick wasn't there yet. I waited outside the class, knowing that if I were to take a seat, Nick would have chosen a seat far away from me. By waiting outside, I eliminated that variable. True enough I saw Nick a minute later, his backpack slung over his right shoulder. He stopped outside the classroom, looking at me. He raised his hand, motioning for me to enter but I knew what he was playing at.

"After you." I said. He stayed there for a while before finally realizing that I wasn't giving in. He walked in and I followed behind, sitting myself down into the seat next to him. I got him right where I wanted.

"You're pretty annoying today you know that?" He said.

"And you're annoying every other day so I guess it's fair." I shot back.

"If you think I'm gonna tell you anything then you're sorely mistaken."

"So you do have something that's worth telling then." I pushed. He sighed and put his head on the table, not saying anything after that. I would have to admit, I wasn't actually very curious anymore. He didn't need to tell me if he didn't want to. I just liked teasing him, seeing him squirm. Hmm wasn't that why he said he teased me back then too? 

Just then Ms. Han came in. Ms. Han was Korean but she migrated to the U.S. ever since she was a little girl. Just under her thirties, she was one of the youngest teachers in school, and one of the hottest too. I may be gay but I can identify a hot girl when I see one. Ms. Han was the eye candy of most boys in school, making biology one of the few classes very little people slept in. She was also a fun teacher in many aspects. Unlike the other teachers in our school, Ms. Han made it a point to make lesson as enjoyable as possible. She gave us lots of projects but they were mostly pretty easy and quite honestly, fun to do.

"Okay class, you don't need your textbooks today because, surprise surprise, I have another project for you guys." There were a couple 'ughs' but mostly were just playing. "Yes, yes I know, not another one but I think you guys would like this one. Okay so as you all know, the new botanical garden just opened last weekend, so I thought maybe we could do something along those lines." 

Yeah, the new botanical garden was all over the news. Apparently it boasts plant species from all over the world, with large domes of controlled environment to simulate conditions that you could not normally experience in Seattle. 

"So seeing that we were going to start the topic on evolution. I thought what better way than to do a project of adaptation, the evolution of different species to adapt to their various climates. You will be paired up and each group would get a region to focus on. Choose a couple plant species you want to work on and document their adaptations to the environment. Of course you can research all these online, but I strongly encourage you to head down to the garden and check it out yourself, bonus points for photos taken at the garden. 

"You will then present your project to the class in two weeks time. The presentation should last between five to ten minutes. You can choose any format, a simple poster, slideshow or even a video. You can even perform a skit if that's how you want. Let wild with your imagination." Ms. Han finished her explanation of the project and I was pretty excited about this. It seemed fun and I myself wanted to head to the botanical garden so see what all the hype was about.

"So I will be pairing you guys up and giving you the region you would be focusing on." Ms. Han said, taking a clipboard off her table. She read off groups and gave them their topics, while I just waited for her to call my name. "Drew Langston." She called and I perked up, waiting to hear who my partner was. "You're partner is...Nick Preston. You're topic is deserts." 

I looked over to Nick who had a look that just screamed 'seriously?'. "Ms. Han no fair." Christy whined from the front of the class. I never really liked Christy; she complained too much. "Drew's a genius at video editing and Nick has that awesome DSLR camera. They're so gonna get the highest marks." I rolled my eyes. You got that right.

"Now, marks will not be awarded to entertainment value but project content. Entertainment value is just to keep you guys awake while doing it, and to keep the class awake during your presentation. A little something I thought up so you guys don't fall asleep. " Ms. Han laughed. I couldn't disagree with that logic. Christy shrugged but said nothing. I guess she agreed too. 

Ms. Han gave us the rest of the lesson to plan what we wanted to do for the project. Normally there wouldn't be much of a problem but seeing that Nick was particularly irritable today, it wasn't very productive. Well at least we agreed to head over to the botanical gardens that weekend to get some shots and get a head start of the species of plants we were going to work on. 

By the end of the day, Nick was still irritable for some reason. I already stopped teasing or pushing him for information but his sour mood stuck. Nick had football practice while I was going to head home and it was merely coincidence that I was tailing behind him as I made my way over to my car. Apparently though, Nick had other thoughts about the matter. 

"Will you stop following me? I told you already, I'm not telling you anything." He turned, making me stop in my tracks in confusion. 

"I wasn't..." I was cut off before I could finish. 

"No you listen to me Langston. Kate and I both wanted to end it. I'm totally fine with Kate liking Tray, doesn't bother me and I am fucking fine. Whether or not I like someone else is my damn problem, so just butt off," He shouted. It was weird hearing Nick call me by my last name seeing that he hadn't done it since he offered his hand in friendship. 

I stared at Nick as he breathed deeply, trying to calm himself down. Finally, his tense shoulders relaxed and he calm down, giving me the cue to start talking. "Calmed down already?" I asked, to which he nodded. "Well in case you haven't noticed, no one was insinuating that you were broken up about it. Everyone just took it in stride. I guess I did push you a little this morning but I know something is up, whether it's the break up or whatever I don't know but I respect that you want to keep it to yourself. Just don't go acting like it's everyone else's fault for your damn problems."

Nick walked over to me and glared me down. He stood inches away from me, making me need to look up to return my glare. Yeah I don't care whatever period he was having I wasn't losing this fight. This was new. Never have we had a fight like this. In the past, most of the fight was me putting up a struggle while he smirked. This time it looked like we were about to go head to head. 

He continued his stare, trying to intimidate me but two could play at that game. I sensed myself winning when his glare faulted as he thought about stuff, losing concentration. Eventually he sighed and closed his eyes, breaking eye contact. "I'm sorry." He muttered. 

"Forgiven. When you said you wanted to be friends, it means you can tell me things you know. If it's bothering you." I said. He muttered thanks but said nothing else. 

"So we still on for this Saturday?" He changed the subject. No longer did he have that irritable tone in his voice. Gone was that Nick, replaced by the Nick that offered me friendship when I was alone; The Nick that was there for me when I felt alone. I nodded my head at his question before he turned and headed for the locker rooms for his football practice. 

Saturday came around pretty quick, the daily monotony that was school made the days fly by. So here I was on a Saturday morning getting ready for my...date? No, study date...um research meeting. Yeah I like that better. Of course on a day like this, my hair had to be stubborn as a mule, sticking out in odd places and impossible to control. I sighed and grabbed a snapback cap and put it on backwards, exposing my fringe. A little tempering here and there and I finally got it in presentable condition.

I glanced at my watch, seeing that it was five past eleven. I grabbed my blue hoodie off my bed and wore it over my t-shirt. The October Seattle weather was getting a little chilly but not too much. 

Bounding down the stairs, I could hear the TV from the living room the smell of coffee wafting through the house. I peeked in, seeing my dad reading the papers in his recliner, a steaming cup of coffee sitting on the table in front of him.

"Dad, I'm going out. Project." I said, proceeding to the door and opening it. I paused to hear for a reply, but none came. Can't say I'm surprise though. I closed the door behind me and crossed the yard to Nick's house next-door, hands in my pocket. I came up to the house identical to mine, pressing the doorbell. 

"I got it." The petite voice of Nick's 12-year-old sister rang from the other side of the door. A second later the door opened, revealing a little girl, no taller than 4'. Her expression brightened upon seeing me, her shoulder length blonde hair blowing in the slight autumn wind. "Drew!" She screamed, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Hey Stephanie. Long time no see." I said, ruffling her hair.

"I just saw you a few days ago." She stated looking up at me.

"Really? I think you've grown taller since I last saw you." I played, which she laughed. I babysat Stephanie once when I was younger, before Nick decided to taunt me night and day. Apparently she really liked me, for some reason. It didn't bother me though; she was a sweet kid. Since befriending Nick, I've gone over to his place a few times and I guess Stephanie just treated me like a long lost brother or something. It was endearing to say the least. "Your brother ready?" 

"Should be about done. You wanna come in?" She asked, but before I could answer, a burly man walked to the door, staring at me.

"Morning Mr. Preston." I greeted, to which he simply gave a small nod, walking away, out of my sight. Mr. Preston was a little intimidating. A man of little words, he gave off this strict parental aura, but he mostly left Nick and Steph to their own devices. I don't mean he is a bad father; next to mine, he's a model male figure. I know Nick has some bad blood towards his dad though. Mr. Preston has quite an active nightlife apparently, going out almost every night. Nick assumes he goes and gets wasted, due to the fact that he had, on a couple occasions, came back home dead drunk a few days. That was of course, before his divorce. 




Loss to Love Ch. 04



"So you coming in or what?" Stephanie asked, moving aside for me to enter. "Nick's still upstairs in his room. You can head on up." 

"Thanks Steph." I muttered, making the familiar way up to Nick's room. I stood outside the cream colored door knocking on it once. No answer. I tried again, this time slightly louder than before.

"What do you want Steph? I'm busy." I heard Nick say from the other side of the door. 

"It's me dumbass." I said, turning the doorknob and opening the door. Wrong move, seeing that a topless Nick came into view. His hair still wet from, I'm assuming, the shower he just got out of not too long ago, water droplets dripping off the ends of his brown locks. My eyes momentarily trailed the wet trails down his pecs, weaving in between the ridges of his abs, before disappearing into his navel. His body was hairless except for the trail of fine hair running down into his jeans. I quickly pulled my eyes away and looked down, heat rising to my cheeks. "Sorry man. Shouldn't have barged in like that." I said, backing up in my attempt to leave the room.

"It's cool, have a seat while I finish getting ready." He said, motioning to his bed while turning to his dresser to probably get a top. I did as I was told and took a seat, seeing Nick scouting for something to wear from the corner of my eye. I dared myself another peep, cautiously tilting my head to get a better view. If I liked what I saw before, I loved seeing his back. Taut muscles lined his back, from his neck all the way to small of his back, disappearing underneath the waistband of his Calvin Klein underwear that peaked just a little above his jeans. 

I felt myself swell in my jeans, crossing my legs in my attempt to cover up any obvious tenting in my trousers. I couldn't help it. Nick was hot, very hot. Couple that with the fact that back muscles were kind of my weakness didn't help one bit. I looked to my hands, trying to keep my thoughts off Nick, difficult as it may be.

"Which is better?" I looked up to Nick holding up two tops. One a simple white button up shirt and the other a navy blue t-shirt. I scanned from one item of clothing to the other, getting another glimpse of his washboard abs in between. My heart screamed for me to choose the t-shirt, knowing that all his tees were figure hugging, meaning I have the whole day to ogle at him, but my brain knew that the shirt was the safe choice. Last thing I needed was a full day hard on. I pointed to the shirt and he smiled, putting away the tee while unbuttoning the shirt. He slipped an arm through the sleeve, twisting his body to get the other arm in. I literally drooled at the almost erotic image in front of me. I never realized how amazingly amazing Nick was. I knew he was hot but I had never seen him shirtless before and now his hot bod would forever be engraved in my lusting mind. 

"I'm going to the bathroom." I announced, walking past him out the room to the bathroom at the end of the hallway. I locked the door, immediately grabbing a handful of cold water and splashing it on my face. I took a few deep breaths, trying to get my boner to go away. Images of Nick's hard body kept flashing in my mind, making the former quite a challenge. I slapped myself then, literally, the pain shooting across my cheek. The jolt helped with my jeans problem quite a bit so the pain was well worth it. 

With one last deep breath, I unlocked the door and stepped out, a little faster than I expected. For a split second I saw Stephanie in front of me, and the next moment, she was on her butt at my feet. That was my fault I guess. Stephanie's room was just outside the bathroom so couple that with the higher than normal speed I was going, a crashed was inevitable. "Sorry Steph." I said, helping her to her feet, not before feeling coldness against my skin of my chest. Looking down I realized that Stephanie was holding a cup of soda, which was now unceremoniously soaked into my hoodie and t-shirt. 

"Drew, what's the rush? Oh my god, look at the mess you are in." She pointed out, seeing the wet fabric of my clothing. 

I laughed at her remark, pointing out the obvious. "Sorry about your soda." I said, to which she looked at her half empty cup. 

"What's all the commotion?" Nick said, his head popping out of his room looking in our direction. "What the hell happened to you?" He asked, taking in my appearance. 

"Accident." I looked down as Stephanie immediately pointed a finger at me, indicating to her brother that she wasn't at fault. "Yeah well, Steph why don't you go get a new cup of soda." I said, ushering her to the stairs. She tried putting up a fight but eventually agreed and headed down to the kitchen. I looked down at my clothing, which was beginning to get sticky. "Looks like I have to go home and change."

"Nonsense. We're behind schedule as it is. Come on, you can burrow one of my t-shirts." Nick said, walking into his room. I followed him in, but only to argue that going home wasn't going to take that long. "Just put this on." He said, throwing me the navy blue t-shirt he asked me about just now. I just stared at him. "Come on, it'll fit. Just change and we can go." I rolled my eyes and began to remove my hoodie. I held the soiled jacket in my hand unsure of where to place it. Nick extended his hand. "Give it here." 

Handing it over, I grabbed the hem of my t-shirt before realizing that Nick was staring at me waiting for my shirt. "Could you not stare?" I said.

"Just strip." The phrase set off a whole new series of inappropriate thoughts in my head, but still I did as I was told. I threw my shirt straight at Nicks face, but he caught it with ease without so much as blinking. "Now was that so difficult. What are you so scared of anyway?"

I ignored him and pulled the clean shirt over my head. Nick's smell was infused into the fabric, assaulting my senses. It fit quite nicely on me, not too big. I was glad I at least worked out a little so it wouldn't look like the shirt was oversized. I walked over to the mirror on the wall, giving myself an inspection. I actually quite liked the way I looked. His shirt had a nice cut to it that accentuated my body shape, giving me a slight V shape. "Not bad."

"You looked great." Nick came up behind me, putting his hands on my shoulder, bending forward a little so his head and mine were level. "You should wear my clothes more often. Fits you." He said.

"Is that an offer?" I played. "How about I move in next?" Nick smiled and tapped my cheek lightly, turning around mumbling something incoherent. I watched as he grabbed his bag off his desk and made for the door.

"Come on. Let's go." He said. I followed him, tugging at the soiled clothes in his right hand. "I'll deal with this. It's fine."

"No it's not. I'll just pop home and throw it into the laundry." I said, still trying to wrestle my clothes from his grasp but he had a vice grip on them. 

"Keep tugging and your clothes will need more than just washing." He threatened, to which I gave in and let go. "You should really just listen to me. It'll make things go a lot smoother."

"Now where's the fun in that?" I quipped. 

"You're cute." He said. I rolled my eyes, not bothering to remind him once again not to call me cute. I'm sure by now he's only doing it to irritate me, knowing that I don't like it. 

I waited at the front door while Nick went to throw my stuff in the laundry. At which point Stephanie came walking over with a new glass of soda. She stopped when she saw me, gripping the cup with both hands and taking small careful steps. Her behavior was so adorable I had to chuckle, and I swear the glare she shot me only added to her cuteness. "Stop laughing. You're not making me lose this glass too." She said carefully skirting me till she deem a safe distance before resuming normally to her room. 

"Yeah well see you Steph." I said, seeing her wave her goodbye at the top of the stairs. 

"Ok we're all set. Shall we?" Nick asked, reappearing around the corner of the kitchen. I nodded, turning and heading out the door. "Let's take my car." Nick said, walking down the path to his Audi. I followed him as he placed his stuff in the trunk. I took this opportunity to admire his car instead. It was a dark blue RS5 and it was a beauty. Unlike my truck, which had little dents and scratches here and there, his was damage free. Light reflected of its pristine coating of glossy paint, every curve and edge just perfect. It was obvious Nick took care of his car but I could never drive something that shiny and new. I would be too scared to scuff it up. 

I got into the passenger seat, the dark leather making that distinct rubbing sound. I perused the interiors, running my gaze across the dashboard down to the shift stick located between the seats. Nick opened his door, taking his seat beside me, but it didn't stop my inspection of his ride. "Like it?" He asked.

"Yeah no shit." I said. 

"Didn't take you for a car person."

"I'm not, well not really. I just appreciate a nice car when I see one." I replied, moving my eyes back to Nick. He had this smirk on his face that made him look kinda cute. "Among other things." I didn't even think about what I was saying until it came out. I pulled my gaze away, looking out the side window, hoping Nick wouldn't notice the blush coloring my face. I assumed he didn't catch what I meant when he started the car. His Audi purred to life, unlike little red that rumbled like a mini earthquake. 

"If you like it so much, you can try it if you want." Nick offered, to which I had to laugh. "What's so funny?"

"Oh nothing. I was just laughing at the idea of me driving this." I said. He raised an eyebrow in confusion. "It's just I can't ever imagine driving something like this. I'll be too scared to drive it."

"Can you stop being so cute?" He smiled and once again I rolled my eyes. 

Nick pulled out of his driveway, heading down the road towards the city. The botanical garden was located on the other side of town and it would have only taken twenty minutes to get there. I guess luck wasn't on our side when we got stuck in traffic. It was thirty minutes into the drive and we weren't even halfway there yet. 

"Oh come on. What's with the hold up?" Nick shouted, hitting his hand onto the steering wheel.

"Dude chill out, it's just traffic." I said.

"I hate traffic." 

"Well newsflash genius, everyone does." I settled into my seat, trying to get as comfortable as possible knowing that this would have been a long ride. I watched as we crept along the highway at a snail's pace. A blanket of silence took over, the soft music from the radio filling the void. I turned to Nick, seeing him holding the steering wheel with one hand. His other hand rested on his lap, fingers drumming to the beat of the song. 

I don't know if it was hypnotizing or whatever but I stared at his long fingers, watching them tap onto the denim of his jeans. 

"You know I've been thinking a lot about what you said that day." Nick's voice knocked me out from my stupor.

"I'm sorry what?"

"I said, I've been thinking about what you said that day. You know, about the friend thing." He said. I noticed his fingers once again, still drumming but this time no longer in beat with the music. No it was much different, it was nervous drumming. 

"Yeah and I meant it. If there's something bothering you, you can tell me. I promise I'll try not to judge you."

"Try?" He asked quizzically.

"Well yeah. I may judge you a little, just a little. I promise I won't even show it." I joked.

"You are such an idiot sometimes." 

"Oh, could it be? Ladies and gentlemen, Nick Preston has finally called me something other than cute." I mocked, in big fashion.

"You hate me calling you cute but you pull stuff like that all the time. Tell me how can I not call you cute?" He said, "Anyway, I was trying to talk to you about something here."

"Sorry. Go on." 

"Yeah, okay so...um...you weren't too far off with your assumptions that day? You know, as to why I was in a bad mood. It was a lot to take in all of the sudden, what with the break up and all."

"So the break up wasn't mutual?" I asked.

"No no, it was. You already know Kate likes Tray, and you probably already guessed that I like someone else too, so no, the break up was mutual."

"Do I get to know who this new girl is?"

"Not yet, I'll tell you sometime though...maybe." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Okay so it wasn't the break up and so am I to assume it has something to do with this new crush? What? She turned you down?"

"You're impatient, and no, at least not yet. I can't exactly be turned down by someone I haven't asked out can I?"

"Okay then just spit it out. If you want to tell me, just out with it, if not please change the subject. Seriously, I'm not one for long emotional conversations." I scolded. It was the truth though, long awkward conversations were not my thing and this conversation was brimming with awkwardness, more for him than me.

"Okay okay, well that day I found out that I wasn't the only person with eyes for the prize. I had competition and I was pissed because no one had ever shown any fondness for said crush and suddenly, out of nowhere he pops up and says he does. Can you get how I felt?"

"So you were scared that she would pick him instead. Am I right? Pissed that out of nowhere this guy shows up, who may sweep your princess off her feet and far away from you?" Nick nodded his head, confirming his worries. "Really? Are you crazy or something?"

"What? Why?"

"Why? Dude, you're like the number one bachelor in school, man. Last I checked, girls stood in line wanting to have you just notice them, and you're worried you're gonna lose out to this tool. Sure, I'm not saying that everyone in school would jump at the opportunity to date you, but c'mon man. I'm sure this girl would at least want to try to date you, even if it's just for the experience of dating 'The Nick Preston', no offense."

"But I don't think it's like that. I mean, I haven't gotten any sense that this person likes me like that." He said, rubbing his neck.

"Dude, there are this group of people called actors. Maybe you've heard of them? Yeah they have this ability to pretend to be something they're not." I said, my tone dripping with sarcasm.

"Shut up. Relationships are more complicated than you think. Besides, you're one to give relationship advice. You've never even had a boyfriend before." He shot back.

"Below the belt man. It's not by choice. You think I don't want a boyfriend? It's pretty lonely sometimes you know. At least you have people who want to date you. I'll gladly settle for someone just liking me."

"Sorry man, didn't mean it like that. If it's any consolation, I like you." He tried to make me feel better. Typical Nick, always trying to be the all-around good guy.

"I was thinking more along the lines of a gay guy. Let's just leave it at that. I don't like to talk about my love life, or more like the lack thereof." I chuckled. Nick gave me a sad frown, before turning his head back to the road. The ride got quiet after that. I didn't mean to make it so somber but I said what was on my mind. Straight guys never know how lucky they are. They complain about girls and relationships, but at the end of the day, they at least have the luxury of not being judged for who they like. 

Me on the other hand, well I listen and pretend it doesn't bother me, but really it does. I look at happy couples in school and wish that I could have the same. All it takes is for one closet homophobe to take a gay asking him out on a date, to beat him to a pulp. Straight guys don't have to worry about their crushes handing it to them, most of the time at least.

Thankfully the traffic finally eased up and we were able to get to the botanical garden without wasting too much time. As I got out of the car, I looked to Nick who still hasn't said a word since. He got his stuff, not even making eye contact with me. I walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "Nick."

"Yeah?" He said, continuing with what he was doing.

"Nick, look at me." I said, spinning him around to face me. "I didn't mean to make it my problem. You were talking about yours and I just got carried away."

"No. You're right. It's somehow always about me and I never thought about it from your standpoint. I'm sorry. Guess I'm not a very good friend huh. I've apologized to you so many times its sad really." He smiled weakly.

"What? Dude c'mon. You're an awesome friend. You befriended me when I had no one, even after I almost disfigured you. You just need to stop being the good guy with me. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you treat me different than the other guys." I said.

"You can tell?"

"Well duh. You joke with the other guys and yeah sometimes it hurts their ego too, but you never go into this slump whenever with me."

"I just feel like I owe you so much more." He said. I got the look on his face. Guilt. He was guilty, about what I couldn't be certain but I suspected it has something to do with how he treated me in the past. In the spur of the moment, I pulled him to me and gave him a tight hug. I was touched to be honest. I mean even after everything he has done, he still felt like he owed me, but he did not. 

"You don't owe me anything Nick. For what it's worth, I owe you. I owe you for making me feel worth when I felt worthless." I said, wrapping my arms tighter around him. "You are one great guy, and that girl would be a fool not to like you too." 

He pulled away and smiled. "Thanks man." 

"Now that that's taken care of, shall we? I'll be damned if I don't get an A on this project." I said, dissipating any awkward tension that was left behind. I felt a slight tinge of jealousy for this mystery girl, having someone as amazing as Nick chasing after her, or maybe I'm just feeling lonely.



Loss to Love Ch. 05



As we walked closer to the botanical gardens, the smell of nature permeated the air. The woody scent of pine mingled with the sharp flowery aroma of flowers. The weather was pretty good, with enough sunlight to make the day seem at least a little bright without being too glaring. Being a weekend, it was no surprise that many residents of Seattle had the same idea to check out the new botanical garden. Just then a small boy, no older than six ran past me, turning and shouting to his parents behind me. I looked down at him and gave him a small smile, to which he returned a beaming grin. 

The sound of a camera shutter diverted my attention to the right. I looked as Nick lowered his DSLR smirking at the photo. "Hey, we're here to take pictures of plants, not human specimens. Besides, that's my bad side." I teased, turning to show him my 'good' side. 

"Hmm seems the same to me. Cocky and big headed." He said, which I had to give a light punch to his arm. He rubbed his arm playfully before picking his camera up and snapping a couple photos ahead. 

I turned to the direction of his shots and saw the first of three domes they had at the garden. I call them domes but they more like huge waves frozen in place. Supposedly, each dome has a specific climate to cater to the different plant species that happen to grow in conditions where Seattle weather didn't permit. 

"Whoa, didn't think they were that big." I said, looking up at the towering structure. 

"Yeah. C'mon, it's this way." I followed Nick to the ticket counters to get our tickets. Most parts of the park was open to the public, but the domes required tickets to enter, and seeing that our topic was deserts and Seattle was anything but, we had to get them. Plus, what's the point in visiting the place if we weren't going check out the most significant features of the garden. 

I stood by Nick as we purchased our tickets, or should I say argued about paying for my ticket. You see I expected to pay for myself, seeing that this was a school project and it won't be fair to have him pay, but he insisted. We kept arguing till the lady at the counter had to step in.

"Um guys...if we can get this going? There is kind of a line." She said, as politely as possible. I looked behind me and met the glare of an angry lady behind me who probably thought we were taking too long. 

"Yeah tickets for two." Nick said, putting down the money. 

"Thank you." She said, printing the slips before handing them back to Nick. "You should be glad your boyfriends wants to pay for you." She smirked at me. I stared at her dumbfounded but Nick pushed me out of the line before I could defend myself. 

"Just let it go." Nick said.

"But I'm still paying for my ticket." I said.

"Yeah...No." I rolled my eyes and followed him. "So what do you want to do first? Research or check out this place." 

"Research. I'd hate to overestimate our time and end up not being able to get enough material." I said, steering him to the direction of the desert dome.

"Can't argue with that." I led the way, following the signs that pointed to where I wanted to go. I had to stop a couple times when Nick lagged behind because he stopped to take a few shots. Just our luck that the desert dome had to be the furthest from the entrance and after what felt like half an hour of walking we finally arrived at the entrance to the dome. Made of glass held together by metal struts and wires, the domes looked like huge terrariums. The smallest of the three, the desert dome still towered over us.

The dome entrance consisted of two sets of doors, probably to contain the climate. Stepping foot into the dome for the first time felt like I got transported into another country. In contrast to the cold and humid air of outside, the inside was dry and warm. Not terribly hot, but definitely not temperatures you would experience during October in Seattle. 

"This is cool." I said.

"It's quite warm actually." Nick pointed out.

"You know what I mean." I glared.

"So how do you want to do this?" 

"Okay um...I guess you focus on the photos and I'll take down any notes about the plant species. We'll go for, two, three species maybe?" I asked Nick for his opinion about the project.

"Yeah three sounds good. I'll just follow you so lead away. After picking the specimens, just give me a shout and I'll focus the shots on those." I nodded and walked down the path, looking at the various plants species and reading the little info on each plant. Nick stayed behind me, snapping away at anything and everything. 

We fell into a rhythm as we went along and time passed. I took down notes while Nick took pictures. We were making good progress and an hour later, we had everything we needed. "I guess that's it. We got all we need." I said. 

"Awesome, so what do you want to do now? We still have time here. Wanna check out the rest of this place?" Nick asked.

"Yeah but first, can we grab something to eat, I'm starving." Just then, the sun came out from behind a cloud, illuminating the surroundings. Sunlight reflected off the sand and it really looked like a desert at that moment. 

"Don't move!" Nick shouted. I froze where I was; the urgency in his voice had this commanding tone that just made me obey what he said.

"Why? Is something on me?" I said, looking around while moving only my eyes. 

The camera shutter diverted my attention once again. "Perfect." Nick said, lowering his camera. My body relaxed and I moved.

"Dude, I thought you saw something on me." 

"Sorry, the lighting was just too good. See?" He showed me the picture and for a moment I was stunned. The photo was stunning, the sun behind me casted an almost halo effect and the light reflecting off the sand lit up my face nicely. If I didn't know he just took that, I would have expected some photo editing was done. 

"Ok fine, I'm impressed but seriously stop with the pictures. I don't like my photo taken." I said.

"Oh really." Nick said, raising the camera up to his face once more. 

"Stop it." I said, half laughing, putting my hand up to block the camera but still he snapped a shot. 

"Wow, for someone who doesn't like to take photos, you sure are photogenic." Nick said.

"Shut up. Can we go now? I said I was starving." I didn't wait for a reply, instead just walking to the dome exit. Nick ran up behind me and pulled the cap I was wearing off my head, putting it on himself. "Wow thanks man, I totally wanted everyone to see my horrible hat hair." I said, snatching back my cap. 

"You care about your hair too much." Nick said.

"And you are annoying as hell so I guess that's fair." I walked out the dome and realized I had no idea where to go, or if they even served food here. 

"This way numb nuts, I saw a stall on the way here." Nick said leading the way down the path. I followed Nick until we came to this open area with a small hill. Families lay on mats on the hill, having little picnics with the basket of food they brought along. At the base of the hill was one of those pushcarts selling sandwiches and some drinks. I bee lined for the cart, telling Nick to find a spot on the hill. Since Nick paid for my ticket, the least I could do was buy him lunch, if only lunch wasn't just a sandwich and soda. 

After paying for the food, I scanned the area for Nick seeing him near the top of the hill, snapping more shots for his camera. I approached the meathead, throwing his sandwich in is lap, handing him his soda. 

"Thanks. Like the spot I picked?" He said, unwrapping his sandwich. I looked over the heads of the people down below us and smiled. The hill wasn't very big but it had a nice view of the whole garden.

"Good choice." I said, digging into my sandwich. 

"Maybe one day we can have a picnic here too. Seems like a nice place to do so."

"A picnic? Really? Sounds more like a date to me." I played, sipping my soda.

"What if it was?" I immediately choked on the soda, the carbonated drink burning my windpipe. I coughed violently, trying to rid the liquid in my airway. "Whoa whoa I was joking."

"Not funny." I croaked out, my voice coarse. 

"Wow you must not like the idea of dating me." He joked and I just glared at him. Here I was suffering and he still had the nerve to joke. Quite the contrary actually, I wouldn't mind dating Nick, if he wasn't straight I mean. He just caught me off guard. 

"Don't joke like that again." I scolded. Okay so maybe it was more than just catching me off guard. I was lonely enough as it was and Nick teasing me like that wasn't helping. We just talked about it in the car ride here and already he is back making me feel lonelier. 

"C'mon man, I was joking." He defended himself.

"And I'm telling you to stop it. I thought I made myself clear back in the car that I don't like to be reminded about my sad love life." I snapped back, a little hostility in my tone. The smile on Nick's face fell when he realized how much I was upset by his statement. He opened his mouth to, I assume, apologize again, but then shut it. Smart boy. I started chewing on my sandwich again looking out to the garden. We settle into a silence after that, I stared out and kind of got lost in my thoughts. 

Nick knocked me out of my trance when he patted me on the elbow. "Shall we continue or do you wanna stay here." He asked, a little quietly, like he was afraid he was going to make me angrier. 

"Continue." I said, getting up and collecting our trash and throwing them in the bin before heading on. I led the way again, Nick trailing behind like a sad dog. Once again he had to make me feel guilty. Yeah he kind of made me angry but I really shouldn't have snapped like that. I did realize I was being kind of bipolar. I slowed down enough so that he could catch up. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap like that."

"No don't apologize. I fucked up...again. Earlier in the car I did it and then again just now." He said.

"I guess we're both fucked up then. You're not completely to blame. I guess sometimes I'm just a little too sensitive. Call it PMS or whatever. It was a joke. I didn't need to flare up like that."

"We seem to argue a lot these days huh. Kinda makes me fell like maybe being friends wasn't the way we were supposed to be." Nick said. 

"So you wanna end this? You know, go back to the way things were."

"What? No! I didn't mean that. What I'm trying to say is that maybe because of our history, we kinda don't wanna lose to each other. Maybe that's why we always argue. So how about this, we'll both agree that we'll not take everything each other say to heart too much. Just live in the moment. We joke and shit but we both know that that's it, joking." Nick said. 

"That sounds fair, I'll try to be less whiny about dating on my part. And if I ever go all sensitive bitch again, I hereby give you the right to slap me." 

"Slap that cute face? Never." Nick cooed, like he was talking to a child, pinching my cheek as he said so. 

I punched him in the arm. "And I give myself the right to hit you when you pull something like that." Nick chuckled sweetly putting his arm around my body and pulling me into his side. Never have I had my ribcage crushed by a side hug but there was always a first time. I poked him in the side, which made him release me instantly, straightening the shirt I was wearing, which I just remembered was Nick's and not mine. 

We walked and talked, taking pictures along the way. We moved at a leisurely pace seeing that we had gathered what we needed for the project. Eventually we made our way to the rainforest dome, which was the largest of the three structures. Like the desert dome, walking into it transported you to another place. This one however was extremely humid as opposed to the dry atmosphere of the desert dome. Warm and moist, it was a matter of minutes before a layer of sweat formed across my skin. 

"Wow it's warm." Nick said, stating the obvious. 

"C'mon let's look around quick and get out of this heat ASAP." I said pulling him up the path. The climate of the dome wasn't my favorite type of conditions but the flora was definitely the most diversed. I'd hate to be the group whose topic was rainforests. Nick was caught between walking fast and taking some amazing shots of the plants. 

As we continued on the path, the sight of an enormous rock formation came into view. Towering over everything else in the dome it was the main attraction. At the top, little walkways jutted out from the rock face, tiny silhouettes of people paced along them. "Oh I want to go up there. The view must be amazing." I said. 

"Up there? Really?" I turned and saw Nick looking at the skywalk with some trepidation. 

"What's wrong?" I asked. 

"Um...nothing nevermind." I gave Nick an incredulous stare, raising an eyebrow in question. "It's nothing. C'mon."

Nick pulled me towards the rock structure. It was a small hike up a trail to get to the treetop walk as it was called, winding around the structure and through the middle of it at one point. As we ascended the structure, the temperature fell, a cool artificial breeze blowing. I sighed with content when the cool wind touched my sweaty skin, instantly cooling me down. Nick looked a mix of relief and constipation. "What's wrong?" I asked

"Nothing. The breeze is nice." He squeaked out but he looked paler than usual, contradicting his words. "Just carry on." I followed his instruction although a little worried about him. Maybe he wasn't feeling too good. 

Finally we reached the top and I walked to the rail, looking down at the entire dome before me. Down below, people walking along looked like insects scampering across the ground. The air, still humid but a lot cooler brushed against my heat flushed skin, giving me a much needed rejuvenation. "It's beautiful." I said, turning to my right, expecting to see Nick there, but he wasn't. I looked around, trying to spot him and my eyes fell on him some distance back by the rock face. He was looking in my direction and I waved him over, but all he did was give me a weak smile and mouthed 'nevermind'. Confused I walked towards him, closing the distance between us. "What's wrong? The view is amazing."

"It's okay. You enjoy it. I'll just stay here." I could hear the nervousness of his voice now. The way he kept his eyes focused on the glass ceiling was extra peculiar. I looked down his arm and his hand was tightly fastened onto the rail, his grip so tight till his knuckles were white. I looked down and the view through the metal mesh landing gave me slight vertigo.

Then it hit me. 

The nerves. The tight grip. The way he diverted his view. His trepidation. Nick was afraid of heights. I smirked and folded my arms, watching Nick in such torment. It was definitely a new side to him I had never seen before. The tough guy did have a weakness. "Nick Preston is afraid of heights? Oh this is too good." I laughed which earned me a glare. 

"Shut up. I'm not." He argued, maybe trying to save his male ego. 

"Oh? So I guess you can release your vice grip on the rail now then." Nick's eyes turned to my face and I waited for him to move. Slowly he released his grip, but without a solid support, his fingers started to tremble. 

"See?" He said, acting triumphant but his shaky hands betrayed the truth. 

Feeling a surge of evil coursing through me, I did what I'm sure gave Nick a heart attack. I wrapped my arm onto his elbow, locking us together. Before Nick could react, I pulled him with me to the edge of the landing. He tried resisting at first, but his jelly arms and legs didn't have the strength they normally possessed. I held him by the rail and Nick was as close to hyperventilating as I had ever seen him. 

"Just relax." I said, moving his hand to the rail, which he immediately gripped. His eyes however, were still locked to the ceiling. "Look at me." 

"I..." Was all he could choke out. 

"C'mon. It's nothing. I'm right here. Just look down and you'll see how beautiful this place is." I said. He closed his eyes and tilted his head down, keeping them shut.

"There I'm looking down." He said, obviously trying to be cheeky. 

"Just open them." He sighed and fluttered his eyes open. Tentatively looking further and further down, I could almost feel the tension that was radiating off of him. Eventually he saw the scenery that was laid before him. "Was that so bad?"

"Yes." He deadpanned which I had to laugh. 

"Well at least you can now see what you were missing. I mean this is beautiful." I said, breathing in the air. 

"Yeah." I turned and Nick was looking at me, before quickly darting his gaze away. I raised an eyebrow at him but he returned to look at the ceiling. "Can we go now?" I shook my head chuckling, before pulling him away and down back to solid ground. I swear if we weren't in public, I'm sure Nick would have kissed the ground. After that heart thumping experience, Nick suggested we head home to cover some stuff for the project. Feeling that perhaps I had put him through enough for the day, agreed and soon enough we were heading home in his car. 

The car ride home was a lot faster than the ride from, partly due to the better traffic. It was just before 5pm when we pulled into Nick's driveway. We got out and gathered our stuff, preparing for a long night of work. "Your house or mine?" Nick asked, and I couldn't help but think about how under different circumstances, that line would mean something totally different. 

"Hmm, well my dad is home," I said, spotting his car in it's usual spot. "But he won't bother us."

"And I have Steph, who will bother us every few minutes." We looked at each other for a moment. "Your house."

"My house." I said at the same time, both of us coming to the same conclusion of using my house. I led the way to my front door, unlocking it. The TV was turned on in the living room, the sound from it echoing through the otherwise silent house. "Dad I'm home. My friend's over too." I announced climbing up the stairs. I was halfway up them when my dad appeared from the kitchen doorway instead of the living room, surprising me. 

Nick caught sight of my dad and gave a small smile. "Evening Mr. Langston." All my dad did was grunt and carried on into the living room. I rolled my eyes and made my way to my room. I threw my notes onto my desk, stripping the cap I had on from my head, running my fingers through my hair. Nick closed the door behind him, setting his bag onto the floor. "Your dad's a man of few words."

"That's an understatement. More like a man of no words." I walked to my dresser pulling out a new t-shirt. I stripped off the top I was wearing, pulling my fresh shirt over my head. "Before I forget. You want me to wash it? I can hand it back to you after and you can return mine too."

"Um...I'm sorry what did you say." Nick shook his head, probably coming out of a daydream. I ignored it and repeated the question. "You looked good in it. How about you keep it."

"What? Dude c'mon I'm not gonna take your shirt."

"Just keep it. I've got three more just like it."

"I don't care if you've got a hundred of them, I'm not taking your shirt."

"Ugh whatever. Then wash it first. I'll get it back and return yours at the same time." He said, walking over to my bed and flopping down. I rolled my eyes, throwing the shirt into my laundry pile. "We still haven't decided what we're gonna do for the project."

"Poster?" I suggested. 

"Too normal."

"PowerPoint slide show."

"Too boring."

"Well I guess we could do a video." I tried. I mean that was what I was planning to do but I didn't want to sound pushy jumping straight to my idea without his input. It was after all OUR project. 

"Yep we are." He replied without so much as a blink. 

"You sure come to decisions fast."

"Actually I was already expecting to do a video. The question was kind of rhetorical. I mean seriously, why would you even suggest anything other than a video? That's supposed to be your area of expertise." He smirked, an expression he seemed to regularly show me. 




Loss to Love Ch. 05



"Well sorry for wanting to get some input about our project before jumping to conclusions."

"Cute. So how should we go about this?" We discussed what we planned to do and finally decided on a short documentary kind of thing. So we got started with the script, drafting what we wanted to say. Ms. Han did say the content was the important thing so we focused on that. I wanted to say we thought long and hard, but we didn't. With everything we got at the garden, everything came out pretty easily. Throw in some online research we did and viola, script done. 

"You should record the voiceover. Your voice is easier on the ears." I said, getting up to my computer, connecting my microphone and setting up everything. 

"Aw you like my voice?" He cooed, sitting on the bed and flipping through the photos he took at the garden on his camera. 

"I never said that."

"You didn't have to."

"Whatever man. C'mon let's get this done with." I said, beckoning him to the desk. He stood up, setting his camera down on the bed and walking over to me. I pushed him into my desk chair, laying the completed script in front of him. "Speak clearly. This is just a little draft to make editing the video easier. We'll record the final one and make any tweaks once the video is done."

"Aye aye captain." Nick said, giving a small salute. I rolled my eyes as I hit record. One run through was all it took and like that, we were done for the day. 

"Okay I guess that's it for today. I'm exhausted. Don't forget to email me the pictures and videos you took. I'll need them to get started on that video." I asked, picking our stuff from the floor. Nick started packing his stuff, and helped tidy up a little. 

"Yeah no problem. I'll drop by Monday to help you with the video too." Nick said, throwing his backpack across his shoulder. 

"See ya then."

"See ya." He said, exiting my room and closing my door. I took a seat on my bed, leaning back into my pillow. I was exhausted and the feel of my pillow just made me want to go to bed. We completed a lot today and I guess you could call that a very productive day. I lay there for five minutes before I realized I should be getting washed up. I moved my hand across my bed before my hand came into contact with something hard. 

I looked down to see Nick camera sitting on my bed. Great. The idiot forgot his camera. I picked up the camera, turning the thing on. I wanted to see the shots he took to get an idea of how to make the video. The first photo that came up was the one he took of me in the dome, the one he showed me. I examined the picture and smiled. True enough it was a seriously good picture. I don't think I had ever looked so good in a picture before. I made a mental note to get Nick to send me that one too. I flicked to the next photo and it was the one he took straight after, where I had a hand up obscuring the view of my face, but only a fraction of it. 

Just then there was a knock on my door and it opened a pinch and Nick's head popped in. 

"Hey I think I left my camera here." He said. I threw my legs off the side on the bed and stood up.

"Yeah I was just looking through..." I was cut off when the camera was snatched from my fingers. I looked up shocked by his rudeness but was even more caught off guard by the look on his face. His face was filled with anger. 

"What did you see?" He shouted, the same time grabbing my shirt and pushing me against the wall. My back collided with a thud, which knocked the wind out of my lungs. "What did you see?" He repeated once more through clenched teeth. Now I've been in similar positions with Nick before but I had never actually been scared. This time I was terrified. The look on his face was pure rage, rage I had never seen from him before. 

"Nothing. Just the picture you took of me just now. The one you showed me." I squeaked out. "Nothing else I swear."

Nick stared at me for a while, his anger emanating off his body. I stood completely still, feeling like if I moved, it would only provoke him more. I just stared into his eyes, like a deer in headlights. 

Finally I felt his grip on my shirt loosen. His fist opened up and his palm rested on my chest, still applying some pressure against me, effectively pinning me to my wall. He could probably feel my heart pounding in my chest but I was too scared to move. Slowly he closed his eyes and I felt his anger dissipate, very slowly. He opened them his eyes and resumed his stare on me, but this time I saw something I didn't expect to see in his eyes. Fear. 

I felt his hand travel up to my neck and for a moment, I thought he was going to strangle me. I was going to die in my own home. 

My fears were unwarranted though as his hand continued further up to my face. He grabbed my face, my chin in his palm, a thumb on one cheek and his fingers on the other. He squeezed his hand, forcing me to pucker up till I probably looked like a fish. He brought his face closer to mine, reducing the distance between us. I couldn't tell if he was going to kill me, or kiss me. I had a combination of both fear and, something I didn't expect, lust swelling inside me. He stopped his face millimeters from mine, his eyes boring into mine, never once straying. I could feel his breath tickling my lips. The whole thing was strangely erotic, and I would have jumped him if I weren't so scared. 

"Don't. Touch. My. Camera. Again." He punctuated each word with such conviction I found myself involuntary nodding. His eyes darted down for a split second before coming back up to my eyes. He released his hand but didn't pull his face away. It should have been uncomfortable but I was surprised at how comfortable it actually was. I was expecting it to feel awkward with his face so close to mine but it wasn't. Instead, I was turned on. 

Finally after what felt like forever, Nick broke his stare and dropped his head down onto my shoulder and the only thing I could think was how he felt so right in the crook of my neck. His neck was so close to my face that I could smell him, and boy did he smell good. The whole thing didn't help with the lust situation. 

"I'm sorry." He muttered, so soft I almost didn't catch it. 

"It's okay. I shouldn't have looked through you camera. I was a total invasion of privacy." I said, trying to resist the urge to wrap my arms around him. Eventually he lifted his head off my shoulder and took a few steps back. I was relieved as well as disappointed that the distance between us had returned. 

"I think I should go." He said, turning around and leaving without another word. I watched as my door shut and footsteps descended down the stairs. I raised my hand to my face, feeling the area where Nick's hand was. I could still feel the heat of his fingers on my cheeks, like imprinting his hand on my face. 

Just then my phone rang with a text. I walked to my desk, picking up the phone. It was a text from Nick. All it said was, "Sorry :(" I felt like pulling my hair out. I don't know what's wrong with me. Nick could be such a pain sometimes, and yet he was so sweet other times. Not to mention the emotions that I felt just moments ago. It was weird, like not just lust. It was different, and I had inkling as to why. 

"Fuck. I can't like Nick," I said aloud. I started to freak out, for reasons I didn't understand. How could I like Nick, he was a friend. Yeah, a really hot, really sweet guy and...oh shit I do like him. I needed to talk to someone about this. DEAN.

I raised my phone, about to dial his number but as if we had telepathy, my phone rang and Dean's name displayed on caller ID. "Dean, I'm freaking out man. Freaking out."

"What happened to a simple hello?"

"Ain't nobody got time for that man. I have a crisis going on."

"Okay what's so bad? Your hair has split ends?"

"I'm serious man. This is no small deal. I think...I think I like Nick."

"Yeah it's okay to like your friends." I rolled me eyes. Sometimes Dean could be such a bimbo it wasn't even funny. 

"I don't just mean like. I think I like him." 

"You WHAT!!!" I pulled the phone away from my ear, the shout hurting my eardrum. "Dude, isn't he dating Kate Benson?"

I forgot that Dean had been pretty much out of the loop in regards to the happenings of Jameson High. "Old news man. They broke up a while back."

"Holy shit, they broke up? How can they break up?"

"Dude they broke up. Get over it. Can we get back to my problem now?" I said, trying to redirect the topic of the conversation. 

"Sorry but what do you want me to say?" He asked. 

"Tell me how to deal with this. He is fucking straight and I'm thinking about him in ways that I shouldn't be thinking about him."

"Well first of all I can't tell you how to deal with this because, news flash my friend, I'm not gay, and secondly, eew. I don't need to know what you picture yourself doing with Mr. quarterback."

"You're not helping at all." I deadpanned. 

"Oh I'm sorry. I just called to see how my best bud was doing and he asks me for life advice. Please excuse my lack of good suggestions. Besides, does he even like cock?" I cringed at his crude way of phrasing his question. 

"I don't know. I don't think so, but..." I stopped.

"But what?"

"I don't know, he's sending all these mixed signals and it's all very confusing. Argh why can't relationships be easy." I said, crashing into my bed in exasperation. 

"Is it worth it?"

"What is?"

"Do you see a relationship with Nick worth it. Yeah relationships aren't easy but is Nick worth the trouble? I can't tell you whether or not he likes you like that, but he likes you enough to befriend you. Is the possibility of losing Nick as a friend worth trying for a serious relationship with him? If the answer is no, then your answer is simple, just stay friends. You eventually realize that it was only a case of schoolboy infatuation and move on with your life after. But if the answer is yes, then that's where things get a little more complicated."

"How is it that you can be so dumb, and yet so smart at the same time." I asked. Dean really did surprise me on occasions, this being one of them. 

"It's a gift. So is it worth it?" I thought about the question. Nick was an awesome friend and I didn't want to lose him as that. But then again he was so sweet at times and I can almost imagine us being together. 

"I don't know."

"Well them maybe it's time you figured that out. Starting with whether he likes you or not."

"Well that's the problem now isn't it. I mean one minute he's holding my face within inches of mine to the point I can feel his breath, and another minute he's complaining to me about the girl he..." I stopped, realizing what I was saying. I groaned and covered my eyes with my free hand. "Shit I'm so stupid."

"Tell me something I don't know. What's the problem now?" Dean asked. 

"He doesn't like me. He has a crush on some girl in school. Shit how could I forget that."

"So..."

"So I guess that's it. I'm not gonna pursue this." I said, coming to my conclusion. 

"But you want to don't you." Dean said, more a statement than a question. I said nothing. Yeah I do, but we don't always get what we want. Besides, I'm pretty sure that if I just let this go, I think I would, like Dean said, get over this crush. 

"I'll survive this. I hope." 



Loss to Love Ch. 06



Monday came around relatively quickly. I hadn't spoken to Nick since his blow up on Saturday and I knew that today there was no way I could avoid him the entire day. Luckily for me, we hadn't decided to carpool and so I could drive to school without sharing a vehicle with Nick. It's one thing to talk to someone in school with the presence of other people, and another thing completely in the confines of a car. 

As I got out of my truck at school, I scanned the parking lot for Nick's Audi, not seeing it parked in his driveway when I left home. I don't know why I was trying so hard to avoid him but I tried to be as stealthy as possible, scanning for the car behind the cover of my truck. 

"What are you doing?" I jumped at the sound of Tray's voice. I turned to find Tray leaning against the truck, arms crossed across his body, one eyebrow raised in questions. 

"Nothing." I said as nonchalantly as I could. 

"Didn't look like nothing." I played dumb, acting like I hadn't just been caught red handed sneaking around. Tray shook his head and smiled, "Nick's already inside. You won't bump into him here."

I looked at him in shock as he turned and headed for the school entrance. I shook my head and ran up to him. "Who says I was looking for him?" I asked. 

"You can drop the act, and before you think he told me anything, he didn't. I kinda put two and two together when he arrived here doing the same thing a few minutes ago." This information was new. So I guess I wasn't the only one dreading our eventual meet up. "Something happened between you two?"

"Long story." I said. Before Tray could reply I heard someone calling my name. I turned around, looking for the source of the voice. I spotted him a few yards back, waving to me. It was Travis, one of the guys on the football team. He was a sophomore and first in line to take over Nick as quarterback once he graduates. We spoke a few times since I befriended Nick but we weren't close. "Hi Travis." I greeted. Travis returned the greeting, giving a small smile and nod to Tray next to me. Tray returned a similar greeting of a simple nod. "What's up?"

"Um..." Travis stared between me and Tray. "Can I speak to you in private?"

I raised an eyebrow at his peculiar proposition. I looked to Tray and gave him a 'Do you mind' look. He took the hint and walked towards the school, leaving me with Travis standing in front of the school. "Okay so what's this about?"

"Um well I know we haven't really spoken much and all but I was wondering if maybe that could change?" He asked. Did I think what I think he was saying?

"Um you gotta be a little more specific than that man." I said. Best to be sure of his intentions before jumping to any conclusion, because quite frankly, it sounded like Travis was asking me out. 

"Well you know. Um...maybe we could go have dinner together or maybe catch a movie?" Oh my god he was asking me out. I thought about it from his perspective. Maybe I was overthinking and it was just his way of wanting to be friends. This was all new territory to me, having never been asked out in my life. Hell I was the only openly gay kid at school. 

"If you are asking me out just say it. I don't want any miscommunications here." I said, trying to just clear up any misunderstanding on my part. 

"Wow this is awkward. Yes...I am." He said, giving me a nervous smile. 

"Um well...this is kinda unexpected." I was still reeling from the thought that someone had just asked me out, and by extension, that someone likes me. I mean Travis wasn't bad looking either, and the thought that a football jock liked me was more than enough to send my ego flying. 

"So is that a yes?" Travis asked, giving me a hopeful smile. I thought about it but I wasn't sure. I mean Travis was kinda cute with his blonde hair and blue eyes combo, but I didn't really know him much and then there was the whole Nick thing. In the back of my mind, I thought that maybe dating Travis was a good way to get Nick off my mind. I mean what better way to get over the cute straight jock, than dating a cute gay jock. Was it fair though? Dating Travis when I know that it wasn't him I liked but his teammate. 

"Travis I'm flattered, I really am, but..." I stopped. The looked on his face changed from hopeful to disappointed at that last word, 'but'. The look he had made me consider maybe just saying yes. It wasn't easy asking someone out and he not only did that but kinda outed himself at the same time. Talk about double whammy. "Look you're sweet and any other time I would have said yes, but I have a lot on my mind now and I don't think I'm being fair to you by saying yes."

"Oh...okay. Umm..."

"Listen, give me some time to sort out my problems. Maybe then I'll say yes, but right now, I'm gonna have to pass on the offer. Sorry man." I said with a heavy heart. Maybe it was the thought that he still had a chance, that all hope wasn't lost, that his face lit up slightly. "We can be friends though."

"I'd like that."

"Beside, it'd be nice to have another gay friend in this school. Does anyone else know?" I asked. Last thing I wanted to do was accidentally out him. 

"Well it's not public but a couple of people know." He said, walking towards the school entrance. I followed him, keeping up with his pace. 

"Hmm, well if you need anything feel free to ask. I guess I'm the leading expert in that field at Jameson high."

"Good to know." He smiled. "Hey see you around then, I gotta head to class." He said turning down a different halfway. "Oh yeah, maybe we could exchange numbers?" He asked, fishing his phone from his pocket. I nodded and keyed my number in, letting him save it. "Thanks, I'll text you mine."

"See ya." I shouted, heading down the opposite hallway, heading to my locker. I felt like I was on cloud nine, knowing that maybe I wasn't so alone anymore. I would have skipped down the hall if it wasn't filled with so many students. I arrived at my locker and further down the hall I finally caught sight of Nick, who was leaning next to Tray's locker. They were both chatting as Tray retrieved some books. It was at that moment that Nick caught sight of me too. 

I acted cool, opening my locker and retrieving what stuff I needed, before doing my routine mirror check of my appearance. "So...Tray said that Travis spoke to you this morning. In private?" Came Nick's voice on the other side of my locker door. 

"Yeah. What about it?" I asked, closing my locker and coming to face to face with Nick. 

"What did he want?" I stopped and thought about his question. Should I tell Nick? But then I realized I couldn't, seeing that Nick may not have known about Travis's sexuality. 

"He asked if I could do a video for him. For his mother's birthday." I lied. 

"Oh...I see." He didn't say anything else and leaned against the locker. I didn't know what to say too, letting the silence between us grow. I mean what do you say after what happened on Saturday. So I simply stood there and looked at my feet, kicking at an invisible stone on the floor. "Sorry again." Nick said, breaking the silence. 

"I think you've already said that." I said, shooting him a small smile in my attempt to break the ice. Even the conversation after my outburst where I almost killed Nick wasn't this tense. 

"Yeah but I overreacted. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Pfft, I wasn't scared."

"Mmhmm sure, I felt your heart thumping." He pointed out, his smirk filling me with both the feeling of punching him and kissing him. Wait what. NO!

"Whatever." I said, turning to head to my class. 

"Hey hey wait, I wanted to ask you something." Nick shouted, putting a hand on my shoulder, spinning me around. "So this weekend I was gonna head down to my mom's house that's out of town. The place is beautiful and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me."

"Go with you, to meet your mother?" I asked incredulously. 

"Well it sounds bad when you put it that way. No not to meet my mother, just to go with me. You know, for company."

"What about Steph? Wouldn't she be company?"

"Well she would, if she was going, which she's not. She's got some sleepover or something this weekend. So what do you say?"

"I don't want to impose on your mom."

"Nonsense. C'mon man. Just say yes. The project would be over and all so there's no worries." He pleaded. Once again a new side to Nick I had never seen before. Nick begging. 

"Fine."

"Awesome. We'll be staying the weekend so do pack some change of clothes and stuff." He said. "We'll talk about it later." I nodded and waved goodbye as we headed in different directions.

As the week went by, I started regretting agreeing to the trip. I mean I should be trying to get over Nick and here I am going on a trip with him, just the two of us. Talk about rubbing salt in a wound. But I guess no matter how much I'm beginning to regret my decision, I wasn't going to back out. I mean Nick was still my friend and there was only so much distance I could put between us, and to be honest, I wanted to go too. Yeah I'm fickle like that, or maybe I'm masochistic. 

Through the week, Travis called me a couple times, and we talked about nothing in particular. He probably just wanted to get us comfortable with one another as friends and it was working. I don't know if it was because the little secret of his that we shared or just chemistry but we ticked. He had a surprising sense of humor, something I didn't expect as Travis had always given me the serious impression. 

I spoke to Dean about Travis too, and being the cynical pessimistic bastard that he is, said that Travis was just trying to get in my pants. How all his so called 'friend' plot was just some elaborate plan to get me to sleep with him. I cursed him, because you know how when someone says something, it plants that seed in your brain and you can't help but always think about. 

"Why are you tearing down the person that could be the one to pull me out of this Nick funk?" I remembered asking him. 

"Because I don't like him."

"Yeah because who you like should dictate who I date. Besides, I don't see you tearing Nick down? Shouldn't you be doing that so I stop liking him?" I said, pointing out that fact. 

"Oh ho Ho, I don't like Nick either but there is something that I see in Preston that I never saw in that Ken doll lookalike." 

"Oh and what might that be?"

"Trust."

Did I agree with Dean? That's a simple yes, but I account that to the fact that I've known Nick for longer. I know Nick wears his heart on his sleeve and, as I have pointed out many times, Nick was, and had proven himself to be, a very nice guy. Sure he had a few moments here and there that proved to me that he wasn't some perfect cyborg made in a lab, but a normal human teenager with normal human teenager problems. 

Travis on the other hand, was quiet a lot of times. I now knew that he had a sense of humor behind his unfeeling facade but that was all. He was smart and athletic, could hold a decent conversation but at the same time, secretive and mysterious. A person who was very difficult to read, let alone understand. It was this quality however, that also intrigued you, eliciting curiosity to find out who Travis really was. Curious yes, but trust, not so much. 

Would my love life ever be easy? A stupid question, seeing that I know love was never easy. 

However, fretting about the prospects of relationships was for another time. Today was the day I go on my trip with Nick. So here I was with a bag packed for a weekend stay at Nick's mother's place, heading out of Seattle in his car. Nick told me that his mom lived a few hours outside Seattle, somewhere around Lake Samish. I knew of the place but had never been there, however, I have heard that it's a nice place to relax and get away from the city life of Seattle. Yeah it was just what I needed, a place to clear my head. 

"So anything I need to know about your mother? Anything I need to avoid? Topic conversations or anything." I asked. Seeing that I was going to be staying there for the night, I figured it was best not to get on her bad side. 

"Nah she's cool. Complete opposite of my dad. You see where he is stoic and unfeeling, she is bubbly and cheerful. I've always wondered how my mom could have married a man like my father. It's no wonder they divorced." He said. The conversation, which started out lighthearted enough, got heavy with the diversion to his father. 

"Man you really don't like your father do you. Is he really so bad?"

He chuckled cynically. "You know when I was younger, I loved my dad. I'm not saying that he was a bouncing off the wall type of guy, no he was still a man of little words, but he was there when you needed him. That didn't last though."

I sighed being able to relate to his situation. "Yeah I get you. When I came out, my dad as good as disowned me. Stopped talking to me completely, pretended I didn't exist."

"Seems like we have that in common. Horrible dads with amazing moms." I smiled at his comment, but that was before I pictured my mom in my head. It suddenly came back to me that unlike Nick, my mom wasn't living a few hours away. Nick must have noticed my sudden silence and put the puzzle together. "Sorry."

"Nah it's okay."

We settled into a comfortable silence after that. I guess Nick understood and gave me my space to sort through my thoughts. It was half an hour later before we arrived at Lake Samish. "We're here." He announced, pulling into the huge driveway leading up to a rustic wooden house. Think a nice cabin in the woods and multiply it in size. 

"Nice place." 

"Wait till you see the backyard." He said, parking the vehicle. Just then the front door opened and standing at the doorway was Mrs Preston, or actually not since she divorced Nick's dad sometime back. She was a relatively small woman at around 5'4" but I could definitely see that Nick got his looks from his mom. Her hair was the same brown color of Nick's and she was quite stunning, even though pushing forty. "Hi mom." Nick said, getting out of his car. He was smiling wider than I had seen him for sometime, which only proved how much he loved his mother. 

"Hi sweetie." Nick's mom, came down to the car, giving Nick a tight hug. "You're looking thinner. You've been eating okay?" Her motherly side immediately coming out. 

"Yeah mom I'm good. It's just football season and training that's all." 

"Good, and you must be Nick's friend." She said, turning her gaze at me. I smiled and stepped forward, holding out my hand. 

"Drew Langston. Nice to finally meet you Mrs..." I paused, unsure of how to address her. 

"Please, just call me Carrie." She said, shaking my hand firmly. 

"Nice to meet you Carrie."

"Oh god, my best friend and mom are on a first name basis. Heaven help me." Nick said, looking up to the sky in dramatic fashion. 

"Still the joker. C'mon you boys must be hungry. I've prepared some lunch for you guys." Carried said, turning on her heels and heading for the front door. 

"Be right there mom. We're gonna bring our stuff to the guest room first." Nick said, popping the trunk open. He tossed me my bag, which I caught with ease, before slinging his own bag over his shoulder. He picked up his DSLR which he brought along, and I'm not gonna lie, seeing that thing made me have a flashback to that certain Saturday. 

"Oh about the room, there's...you know what, I'll let you see for yourself." Carried shouted, disappearing into the house. 

I looked to Nick. "What did she mean by that? Good or bad?"

"Knowing my mom, it's probably something bad." He replied, walking up to the house. I followed behind him, walking up the path towards the front door. In the background I could hear...well actually I couldn't hear anything. No cars, no loud talking. Nothing but peace. I smiled inwardly, knowing that I managed to escape the hustle and bustle of city life, if only for a few days. 

As I looked into the cabin-slash-home, it was...well a cabin. The walls were made of large pine logs. Classic stone fireplace and comfy living room furniture. The only thing that didn't seem to fit in was the flat screen TV which hung on the wall, it's shiny black surface sticking out like a sore thumb against the brown backdrop. Nick bounded up the stairs and I followed suit, simply admiring the home as I went. When Nick stopped outside one of the doors, I assumed it was the guest bedroom. 

"I guess it's the moment of truth." Nick said, placing his hand on the door knob. He took a deep breath, opening the door in one swift motion. I peeked in, looking for anything shocking or out of the ordinary, but found none. 

"Looks pretty normal to me." I said

"Um...take a closer look." Nick said, his face horrified at what he saw. 

I scanned the room, looking from the desk, to the small dresser to the double bed in the middle. I stopped. Wait, unless my math was off, I counted two of us and only one bed. "Oh."

"Yeah oh is right. What happened? There used to be two single beds here." Nick said, scratching his head in bewilderment, probably thinking about how to make this work. I mean one of us could sleep on the floor, if you didn't mind a sore back I mean. "Umm just put your stuff down. We'll figure this out later." I did as I was told, putting my backpack down on the bed. 

Nick put away his stuff, placing his camera on the desk before pulling me downstairs. I just followed him, seeing as I didn't have a clue as to the layout of the house. We arrived at the kitchen, where Carrie was busy setting up for lunch. "Mom what is up with the double bed?" Nick asked. 

"Sorry honey, we change it awhile back. I couldn't do anything about it even if I wanted to." She explained, plating up the grilled fish she had taken off the pan.

"So where do you expect us to sleep, might I ask?" Nick asked. 

"Well I was hoping that you guys won't mind sharing, but if it really bothers you, there's always the couch?" She suggested, giving Nick a cheeky smile. 

"It's a good thing it's only one night." I didn't know what Nick meant by that. So were we sharing the bed? Or was one of us taking the couch. The idea of sharing a bed with Nick was both inviting and unappealing at the same time. 

"Okay now that that's settled. Let's eat. I hope you like salmon Drew." Carrie said, pushing a plate in my direction. I nodded and sat down at the kitchen island, Nick taking a seat beside me; Carrie sat across us. I looked down at the plated meal before me, the smells wafting up into my nose. I hadn't had a home cooked meal since my mom passed as neither my dad nor I could cook to save our lives, so for the past weeks, have been living off takeout and microwave meals. 

I stuck my fork into the juicy flesh, which pulled away easily, the salmon's natural oils flowing out and pooling around the dollop of mash potatoes. I put the fork into my mouth and I swear I had an oral orgasm right there. I closed my eyes and sighed in satisfaction. 

"Well I never had that reaction from my cooking before." Carrie said, her voice knocking me from my little bout of euphoria. 

"Sorry." I mumbled, fish still in my mouth. I swallowed before talking once more. "It's just been some time since my last home cooked meal."

"Oh? Your family doesn't cook?" She asked. I sensed Nick shift beside me and Carrie's eyes diverted to him. I guess Nick made it clear to stay clear of the subject when Carrie apologized. 

"Nah it's fine. Your cooking is really good." I said, taking another bite. 

"Thanks."

Over lunch I learnt more about Carrie. After her divorce, she had moved out here to get away from the memories associated with Seattle. It was here that she met her current husband, Patrick. Patrick was a real estate agent and it was through buying the house did they actually meet. Carrie was Patrick's client. A few dates later and they were a couple and a year after that, they were married. It was all a very fairy tale kind of story, and I smiled at the thought. Patrick however was away for the weekend, tending to some business out of town. 




Loss to Love Ch. 06



After lunch, Nick offered to show me around the house, the grand tour if you will. As he brought me from room to room, it was all kinda normal, everything you would find in any other suburban home. The part that distinguished it from other typical homes, wasn't what was on the inside, but outside. When Nick said the backyard was breathtaking, I wasn't expecting the lake shore. 

Complete with a pier, the house stood on the shores of Lake Samish. Sure some people had gardens, a pool or maybe a treehouse, but how many people could say they had a lake in their backyard. 

"Whoa." Was all I could manage. 

"Amazing isn't it. I was lost for words the first time I came here too." Nick said, taking a deep breath, breathing in the sweet scent of nature. 

"Whoa." I repeated. 

"Cute. C'mon, let's have a ride on the lake." He said, walking towards the pier that protruded from the shoreline. I followed, taking me time, hands stuck in my pockets. This was all so nice I didn't want to rush anything. I wanted this weekend to last forever. 

The sound of dried leaves crunching under my shoes changed to the soft knock on wood as my heel made contact with the pier. Nick stood near the end, fidgeting with a rope tied to the post. On the other end of that rope was a small rowboat, just large enough to seat two people. "Get on." Nick said, motioning to the boat with his head as his fingers worked on the knots of the rope. 

I climbed into the wooden vessel, making it sway from the change in weight. I bent down, taking a seat as Nick climbed aboard too, the boat disconnected from its tether. "Ever been on a boat before?" Nick asked, grabbing the oars and pushing up further from the pier. 

"Once when I was little. I was scared shitless though, as I couldn't swim then and I was so scared I was gonna fall in." I said, remembering a family trip we took when I was younger. Nick started out slow, propelling us out towards the lake with each stroke. The lake water was so calm, you could see your reflection in it, the only disturbance from Nick's rowing. 

"Yeah? Well you don't look scared now so I'm assuming you got over it." 

"Well no shit. It's so peaceful I just wanna lay here and not think about anything." I said closing my eyes. 

"So I'm assuming you're enjoying the trip? Aren't you happy you agreed to this?" Nick said. Yes I was extremely happy I decided to come. The trip had just started and already I'm loving it more than I thought I would. To think that I was regretting agreeing to this a few days ago. 

"Yeah. Thanks for inviting me man." 

"Glad your enjoying yourself. You're the second person I have brought here." He said, stopping his rowing. We coasted to a slow stop a couple hundred yards away from the shore. 

"I am? I feel so special." I played, holding my hand to my heart and batting my eyes. "So who else did you bring here?"

"Kate. Duh." He said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

"Oh right, it is nice place for a date. Speaking of which, how's your progress with your new crush." I asked. 

"No new progress. I haven't said anything." 

"Seriously? I thought you said that some other dude's after her too. Should make a move before it's too late." 

"I know, it's just difficult." He said, looking out at the calm waters.

"Just take the plunge man. Like I said, you stand a pretty good chance."

"Hmm. Actually while we're on this topic, can I ask you something?" He asked. I looked at him and nodded, asking him to continue. "Well it's all hypothetical and all so don't take it too seriously."

"Okay?"

"Okay, so...let's just say that there is this guy that likes you, and he is like some football jock, would you date him?" I raised an eyebrow at him. At his question, Travis popped into my mind. Did Nick suspect that Travis asked me out?

"I don't follow." I said, trying to wheedle more information from him. 

"So okay let's say, again all of this is hypothetical, that there is this football jock and he asked you out. Would you even consider dating him?" He said. 

Travis did say he told a couple of people about his orientation. Being my friend, Nick was probably first choice if Travis wanted a wingman; someone close to the target. If so, then Nick was doing just that, checking my reaction before the final blow. I decided to test waters a little. "Does this happen to be about Travis?"

Nick's face drained of color and I knew I had got it. "How did you..."

"Did Travis ask you to ask me out for him?"

"Um no...I mean yes...no, shit how did you know?" Nick seemed flabbergasted. I'm sure he thought I had no idea, and apparently Travis had neglected to mention to Nick that he had already ask me out. 

"Travis already asked me out on Monday." I stated. 

"Shit. Um...so what did you tell him? Did you say yes?" He asked, I don't know why he was so interested but I just went along with it. 

"I said I'll think about it."

"So you said no?"

"It's a not yet. I told him I had to sort out some stuff first before I could think of a relationship with him."I said. 

"Oh...do you want to?" He asked. 

"I don't know. I swear I had half a mind to say yes that day. I mean it was the first time anyone had ever showed me any interest. Excuse me if I was ecstatic. Luckily though, I was caught with surprise so much, I managed to maintain some logical thinking."

"But you still want to date him?" He asked. 

"Well yeah a little. I don't want to be lonely my whole life you know." I said. Nick scrunched his brow together before rowing us back to shore. He didn't say anything after that and I wondered why, seeing as he was the one who brought up the subject. 

Once at the pier, Nick got off, tying the rowboat back to the post. I got up, a little too fast, making the boat sway. All it took was a slight tip and I lost my balance. Of all the places to fall down, I was in the worst possible place. I tumbled backwards, going over the side and into the cold lake water. 

"Oh shit." I heard Nick shout as I resurfaced, coughing out the little water I swallowed. Nick extended his hand and I grabbed it. With ease, Nick pulled me out, as I clambered onto the pier. Like Mother Nature had a vendetta against me, a strong gale blew past that exact moment. The cold air hit my wet skin and I immediately started shivering. "Oh man we better get you inside before you get hypothermia or something." Nick said, pulling me towards the house. I was dripping from head to toe, my clothes soaked right down to my underwear, but I was too cold to care. I just wanted to get to the warmth of the house. 

As I entered the back door, the warm air relieved me instantly. I was still cold but I could control my shivers now. "Oh my god, what happened?" Carrie asked, coming to check what all the commotion was about. 

"He fell into the lake." I felt my cheek flush with embarrassment at Nick's comment. 

"Well, go and change and shower before you catch a cold." Carrie said, ushering me up the stairs. Nick stood behind me, supporting me from behind as he walked me up the stairs. I wondered why he needed to but as I grabbed the stair rail, I realized that my fingers were numb that if I were to fall...again...my fingers would not have had the strength for me to hold on. 

Nick pushed me to the bathroom, running a hot shower for me. 

"Thanks man. I can handle it from here." I said. Nick nodded before exiting the bathroom. I quickly stripped my wet clothes, my jeans a little more challenging with my numb fingers, but remove them I did. I stepped into the shower, letting the hot water run over my skin, adding heat that my body craved for. I clenched and unclench my fists, trying to get my flood flowing. Never had I appreciated a hot shower as I did at that moment.

Once I felt comfortable enough, I got out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist. I left my soaking clothes in the bathroom, not wanting to drip water everywhere. I scurried to the guest bedroom to find it empty. I guessed that Nick was downstairs with his mom. 

I changed into a fresh and more importantly, dry set of clothes. Happy and comfortable now, I went back downstairs to check with Carrie where I could throw my wet clothes. As I walked to the kitchen I could hear talking. Nick's unmistakable voice. 

"Mom I think it's time I told you something." The view of the stairs was blocked from the kitchen by a partition wall so they wouldn't have realized I was downstairs. "Before Drew comes back." I stopped in my tracks. It was obvious that whatever I was suddenly eavesdropping on wasn't meant for my ears. 

"Oh? What is it honey?" Carrie replied, concern layered in her voice. Damn this was some important shit that I wasn't supposed to be listening to. I turned and stealthily crept back towards the stairs, hoping no one would be the wiser that I was just downstairs. 

"Mom, I'm gay." I stopped again in my tracks. Did I just hear what I thought I heard?



Loss to Love Ch. 07



"Mom, I'm gay." Nick said. 

"Uh...you're what again?" Carrie asked, clarifying. She too probably didn't believe what she was hearing. I could relate as my thoughts spun around in my head. 

"Gay, mom. I like guys." Nick said. Clearing my head enough, I figured that this really was something I shouldn't be hearing. Talk about invasion of privacy. If Nick got angry with me looking at his camera, he would be furious if he found out I was eavesdropping. I took that thought as my cue to start leaving again, but curiosity got the better of me, planting my feet in its spot. I found myself leaning against the wall and inching closer to the kitchen entrance. 

"Oh um...are you sure? Um I thought you were dating Kate." Carrie asked. I mouthed a silent 'thank you' at Carrie's question. You were dating Kate, you can't be gay. At most bisexual but definitely not gay right?

"Yeah mom I'm sure. I just dated Kate as a show; I never really liked her in that way. We broke up a few weeks back." 

"Oh I see." The sound of disappointment in Carries tone was unmistakable. Oh god, this wasn't going to be a pretty coming out. 

"You're disappointed." Nick pointed out. 

"Yes Nick, I am." Carrie said. I immediately felt a sudden dislike for Carrie and I almost ran out to defend Nick but Carrie interrupted that thought when she continued speaking. "But not because you're gay. I'm disappointed that you put Kate through that. You should never use someone like that, you understand me?" I immediately felt bad for thinking the worse about Carrie. 

"Yeah I understand, that's why we broke up but...you don't care that I'm gay?" Nick asked, his voice cracking at one point. Nick was getting emotional, normal for a coming out I guess. 

"Oh honey." I assumed this was where Carrie went over and gave Nick a hug. "I don't care whether you're gay or straight. You are my son and that's all that matters."

"Thanks mom." Nick said, sniffing a couple times. I felt my eyes water a little, remembering how my mom reacted to my coming out. It was actually kind of the same thing and hearing this just brought those memories back. 

"Does your father know yet?"

"No. I'm not gonna tell him either. He hardly talks to me as it is. I think if I told him, I'll be kicked out of the house." Nick said.

"Wha...Didn't your father tell you?" Carrie asked. 

"Tell me what?"

"The reason we got a divorce." Again I have to assume this was where Nick shook his head as I couldn't see anything. "Honey, your father and I divorced because...he's gay."

"What?" Nick asked in confusion, something I too was feeling. Seriously was everyone around me suddenly becoming gay? I was half expecting Dean to call me up, proclaiming the same. 

"Your father's gay, Nick. He married me, hoping to live a normal life. Eventually he realized he couldn't live a lie anymore and that's why we got a divorce. He was struggling so much he got drunk every night, some of them I'm sure you remember." Carrie said. "I was angry at your father, for cheating me. For lying to me, using me. That's why I was disappointed with what you did to Kate. However, even after the entire lie, I still loved your father. It's just that he couldn't love me the way he wanted to. He was the one to initiate the divorce."

"But..." That was all Nick managed to choke out. 

"I know this is a lot to take in, and I can tell that you have some animosity towards your dad, but believe me when I say it's not his fault. I would rather let go of your father and have him be happy than making him live a lie and miserable. What good does that do me?" 

There was a moment of silence. This was all a lot of information to take in, for Carrie, Nick as well as me. My stomach wrenched in guilt, knowing that I had just invaded into something that was supposed to be almost sacred. 

"I always thought that it was his fault." Nick muttered. Nick had never hidden his disdain for his father, always labeling him the bad guy. Suddenly, he was not only the good guy but the tortured soul. The guy who had hidden away a part of himself so much, he drowned his sorrows in alcohol. 

"No honey. He just wanted to be happy, which is what I want you to be as well, so just tell them."

"Them?" Nick asked at the exact time I thought of the question. Who is them? His dad but who else. "I get dad but who else?"

"Drew, of course." Carrie said. I raised an eyebrow at her remark. "I see the way you look at him Nick. I know what that look means." My eyes went wide. That's what people say when the person looks at you with longing. When a person likes you. 

"Didn't know it was that obvious." Nick chuckled. No way. No fucking way. Nick liked me, like fucking liked me. 

"Honey, you have to be blind to not see how much you care for Drew" Well now I felt like I was being called blind too. Maybe it's not that I was blind but stupid. I mean I saw the signs, knew that Nick cared, just that I was so consumed with the notion that he was straight that I blocked it all out. 

"Yeah well he doesn't see me that way though. At least I don't think he does. He's so hard to read. I was so scared he would somehow find out before I told him. That's not the way I wanted it to happen." Nick said. I have had enough; I didn't want to hear anymore. I was so confused, about Nick, about my feelings for him, about everything. I crept away slowly, heading back up to the guest bedroom, hoping that I wouldn't make a sound. 

I closed the bedroom door behind me, sitting at the edge of the bed. I replayed everything I heard downstairs, especially all the parts concerning Nick and his supposed attraction to me. I was completely torn. Part of me was elated that Nick Preston liked me, the other part worried that this wasn't going to turn out right. 

My mind rewound to the night he attacked me. The night I had looked through his camera. That was the first night I realized my feelings for Nick. The night he held his face so close to mine. The night I found out my head fit nicely on him. The night I started craving for a relationship with Nick. The night I saw his rage and in it, also a tinge of fear. 

Fear, something he said he felt. Fear that I would find out about him being gay before he was ready. It all started because of that stupid camera. I looked at the object in question, sitting on the desk. 

"I need to know." I said, getting off and walking over to the black DSLR. I picked it up, holding it in my hands, wondering if I should. I stood there, my finger hovering over the on switch. "Fuck it." I said, pushing the button. 

The screen lit up, bright against the darkness of the room. I navigated to the photo library, taking one last breath before clicking. The first picture was the latest he had taken, just this morning before we had headed off. I scrolled backwards, taking a quick glance at each photo, scrolling through those I deemed irrelevant. I eventually started scrolling through pictures of plant life, all taken at the botanical garden. 

What should have been picture after picture of plants, was interspaced with photos of...me. 

I felt my mouth open in shock at each photo as I scrolled through. So many pictures of me were taken that day, all of which I was unaware about. Some showed me walking down the path ahead, others taking down notes on the notepad I had. How he had gotten so many shots without me noticing amazed me. 

"Hey are you done?" Nick's voice came through the bedroom door, turning my attention to the closed door. "Drew? You okay in there?" In a spur of courage, I stood up and marched to the door, opening it to a smiling Nick. I grabbed his shirt, pulling him in and shutting the door. 

"Explain." I said, pushing the camera into his stomach. He looked down, taking a moment to realize what it was I had shoved into his midsection. His face shot to mine as his skin paled. "Nick, explain all this. What do you want to tell me?" I asked, even though I already knew the answer to that question. 

"Drew, I..." I stepped closer to Nick, and he stepped back, maintaining the distance between us. "I just..." As we passed the desk, I laid the camera down, continuing forward step by step, him retreating. "I was scared." He said, his back hitting the wall. He had nowhere left to run.

"Just say it, Nick" I said, putting my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart thumping in my palm. 

"I'm...gay." He muttered. 

"And?" I said, moving my face closer to his. 

"I...I..." Nick started stuttering, his eyes watching my lips like a hawk. 

"Maybe this will jog your memory." I said, bringing my lips to his. I don't know where all this courage came from. It wasn't like me to be this forward about stuff like this. I mean I was kissing Nick. Like what the fuck.

My brain went into overdrive when our lips met. I may have been in control, but I was going all whacky on the inside. Neither of us moved at all, our lips glued to each other but shut closed. My skin was tingling from the sensation of it all, sparks dancing across my face. I let myself go to the euphoria, closing my eyes as my hand travelled up to his neck. He parted his lips tentatively, sucking my upper lip just slightly. 

The need for oxygen overcame the urge to keep the kiss locked forever, making us pull apart, breathing heavily. That was the first time I had kissed anyone and I would have never expected that it would be that intense. "I like you. I really really like you." Nick said between breaths. I chuckled. 

"I've been wanting to do that since last Saturday." Nick pulled my face up to his, looking me in the eyes. I had basically just told him that I liked him too and I guess he wasn't expecting that. 

"I can't believe this is happening."

"Just shut up and kiss me." I said, pulling his head back to mine. This time the kiss was more intense, more passionate. Sucking on his lip was a new sensation, as was feeling his tongue on mine. Everything felt so new, but so right at the same time. In the heat of the moment, Nick picked me up, without breaking lip contact, and placed me down on the bed as we continued our make out session. My hands snaked around his neck, pulling him down to me. His hand made it's way under my shirt, his fingers dancing across the skin of my abdomen. I was sure if I didn't stop this, we would end up doing something we weren't ready for. 

"We should stop." I said, placing my hand on his, stopping his advancement. 

"Sorry." He apologized, removing his hand and made to get up off me. I held him there with my arm around his neck, not wanting him to go. 

"I said stop. I didn't say get off." I said, looking into those deep brown eyes. "Just lie down with me." He nodded, lowering himself to my right. Snuggling his face into the crook of my neck, I remembered how much we fit together. He laid an arm and one leg across my body, effectively laying half of his own bulk onto me. The weight felt good though, the warmth emanating from him inviting. 

"How did you know?" Nick mumbled against my neck. 

"I may have heard you and your mom talking downstairs." I said cheekily. 

"Eavesdropping? Since when have you been such a bad boy?" Nick smirked, looking up at me. 

"Since forever. So am I the mystery girl you have this crush on, or do I have some competition that I should know about." I said. 

"I never actually said that it was a girl. That part you assumed on your own. But yes, you are." I guess it was true. I don't recall Nick ever saying her or she. 

"And how long have you had this crush on me then?" I asked. Nick blushed at the question, shooting me a nervous look. 

"Oh um...maybe like...three years." He mumbled. 

"Three years? But, we've only been friends for like a few months." 

"Whoever said I couldn't crush on the guy I was bullying." He said. "How else could I talk to without actually talking to you."

"So all those years of being shoved into lockers was just so I would notice you? Preschool much?"I laughed, kissing Nick on the forehead. 

"You'll never believe how much I've dreamt of you doing that." I smiled, pulling Nick closer to me. "So what does this make us? Are we a thing now?"

I thought about it. "What do you want it to be?" I asked back. 

"I was hoping you'd be my boyfriend."

"We can try this out. See how it goes." I said. Nick laid his head down on my chest, his head rising and falling in time to my breaths. "Remember that day in the car, when you first told me about 'mystery girl'?" He nodded. "Well you said that you were scared that someone was going to win me over. Am I right to assume that the tool was Travis?"

"I think that's pretty obvious now isn't it?" He smiled. "And just to let you know, in the boat just now, I wasn't asking on his behalf. I'll be damn if I ever did that. I was asking to know if I had a chance."

"Yeah, I got that Mr hypothetical football jock." 

"So you'll say no right? To Travis?" 

"I see no reason to say yes." Nick sighed in contentment. "So does anyone else know about you, besides your mom I mean."

"Kate does. I told her the day we broke up." He said. "You know us, we can read each other like that. I knew that when she told me she liked Tray, she knew I liked someone too. I can't really lie to her so I just told her the truth."

"That's good. You seem to have a pretty good support system so far so I don't think you'll have too much of a problem. I mean your parents are pretty much accepting and your friends should be comfortable about a gay friend, seeing as they don't mind me."

"Well I haven't really told my dad. I won't know his reaction." I raised an eyebrow at him. His father was the probably gonna be the most accepting. I mean he has a gay dad. "Okay fine, I'm just unsure of how to tell him. I haven't spoken to him much."

"If you need me there, just say the word." 

"Thanks." He said, kissing me on the cheek. Who knew we'd go from friends to boyfriends in the course of a few hours. "So I guess this means we'll be sharing the bed tonight?" He asked, more of a question than a statement. 

"No, you're sleeping on the couch." I joked. Nick on the other hand, apparently didn't get my joke when he frowned sadly. "You're cute when you frown."

"Never thought I'd ever hear you call me cute. I thought that was my thing."

"It's called payback. Just like this." I said. In a swift motion I climbed over him, pinning his hands at either side of his head. I trailed by lips up his neck, not coming into contact with skin, but close enough that he would feel my breath. I travelled from his neck, to his ear and down his jawline. Nick's breathing had picked up and was panting heavily as I continued my slow torture. "Remember how you did this to me on the school roof that time." I said, hovering my lips hovering over his. Nick swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing deliciously in his neck. "Who's the aroused one now?" I said, peeking downwards at the growing bulge in his jeans. I smiled evilly at him, brushing my lips ever so slightly across his jaw. "Do you want it?" I whispered. 

"Yes...please Drew." Nick pleaded. I planted my lips on his, applying pressure to his hips with my own. Slowly I released the pressure on his wrists, snaking my hands to his face. Nick hands, now free came around me, running up and down my back. I continued grinding my pelvis against his, my own bulge full to bursting. I moved one hand down, grabbing at the hem of his shirt, pulling it up to reveal his six pack abs. 

"You're so hot." I said, dragging my nails lightly across his skin. Eventually my finger found his nipple, giving it a small pinch. Nick hissed against my lips, bucking his hips up to increase pressure against mine. I smiled, breaking lip contact. I kissed my way down his neck and to his chest. "Remove it." I said, pulling the shirt he was wearing higher. He raised his hands and I slipped the clothing from his body. I looked down at the perfect specimen in front of me. Yeah I had seen Nick naked before, but that was through quick glances. This time I had full view and full access. 

"Like what you see?" Nick smirked. I didn't need to answer, lowering my head to his pecs. I bit the skin lightly, making my way to his nipple. Nick's hand had travelled down my back, his fingers dipping under the waist of my jeans, his fingers hot against my butt cheeks. I found the little nub, flicking it with my tongue. "Geez." Nick cried out. 

I cupped his bulge in my right hand, stroking it rhythmically. I could tell that Nick was big. I had never touched anyone's crotch before but I could tell that Nick was well endowed. I unbuckled his belt with one hand, my lips still playing with his nipple. My left hand ran along the ridges of his abs, memorizing the contours and valleys. 

After much fumbling around I managed to get his belt off, but before I could do anything else, Nick pulled me up to his lips, capturing them once more. "I think we're moving a little fast again." Nick said. 

"Yeah sorry. I got carried away this time." I said, laying my hand on his bare chest, drawing circles. "You're too hot for me you know. You can do so much better."

"I can't do better when I already have the best." Nick said. Shit that was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me. I laid down on him, nuzzling into his neck. "This feels nice. I can stay like this forever." He said, and so we did. We laid like that for quite some time and I eventually drifted off to sleep. 

I was awoken by a knock on the door. "Are you boys awake in there?" Carrie's voice came from the other side of the door. I looked up and saw Nick fast asleep, snoring slightly. 

"Yeah Carrie. I'm up." I said, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I sat up in bed. 

"Okay well, dinner's almost ready. You guys can come down anytime." Carrie said, 

"Thanks Carrie." I looked back at Nick and nudged him awake. He grunted, slowly opening his eyes, smiling when he caught sight of me. "Hey."

"Hey." He replied, stretching his body. His shirtless body looked absolutely delicious as he did that. He patted the bed next to him, beckoning me to lie back with him. 

"C'mon, your mom said dinner's about ready." I said, putting a hand on his thigh, running it back and forth.

"C'mon just lie with me for awhile." He said. 

"We've been laying together all afternoon." He smiled at the thought, sighing in contentment. "Now get up, it's not polite to keep your mom waiting."

"Okay okay, I'm up." He said, sitting up right. He gave me a quick peck on my cheek, before laying his head on my shoulder. His hand searched for mine, interlacing our fingers together when he found it. "Our hands fit together nicely." He said, holding our locked hands in front of him and inspecting it. 

"Who knew." I said, kissing his hand. "Put a shirt on." I said, letting go on his hand and climbing out of bed. 

"I thought you liked me like this." He smirked. 

"Yeah but I like to be able to think clearly too so a shirt would do nicely." Nick shook his head, throwing his feet off the edge of the bed. Retrieving a new t-shirt from his bag, he slipped on the one size too small piece of clothing. "You really should buy t-shirts that fit you."

"I know you like them like this." He said, coming over and putting his hands around my waist. "I still keep thinking this is a dream."

"Feels unreal doesn't it?" 

"Yeah but I wouldn't have it any other way." He said, planting a kiss on my lips.

"You're sweet. C'mon." I said, breaking out of his grasp, taking his hand in mine. I exited the room, pulling Nick behind me as we made our way to the kitchen. Something was cooking in the oven, evidence by the smell that was filling the house. 

"I know that smell. Lasagna." Nick said, taking a deep breath, inhaling the goodness of homemade food. We were right outside the kitchen, so it was no wonder that Carrie could hear. 




Loss to Love Ch. 07



"Good guess." She said as we walked into the kitchen. Her eyes, darted down to our interlocked hands before coming back up to our faces. "Wow you sure work fast." 

"Turns out I wasn't the only one hiding feelings." Nick said, taking a seat at the kitchen island. 

"Really?" Carrie said, shooting me a smirk that totally reminded me of Nick. I guess that's where he got it from. "So is this a thing now?"

"I guess so." I said, taking my seat. 

"Awesome. Now, maybe to celebrate my son's coming out and getting attached," Carrie winked at me. "I have prepared my famous lasagna." 

"Whoa famous. Must be really good." I said. 

"Well not to toot my own horn here but it is exquisite." Carrie said. I looked to Nick in amusement. 

"She's right." Nick said. 

I had no doubt that it was amazing though. The salmon from earlier in the day was already heavenly, and that didn't come with a title. When I took my first bite into the layered pasta in front of me, I went to the moon and back. You know how when you eat something really good, and you just open your mouth and let it sit on your tongue for a couple seconds, letting the taste take over; yeah that's what that lasagna did to me. 

"Amazing right?" Carrie said, smiling victoriously. I simply nodded, unable to say another word. Just then, there was a knock on the front door. "Now who could that be?"

Carrie made for the door, but it unlocked before she even reached the kitchen entrance. "Honey, I'm back." I couldn't see the front entrance from where I was sitting but I assumed that that was Patrick. 

"Hey, I didn't expect you? I thought you'd be gone till tomorrow evening." Carrie asked. Patrick finally came into view, walking up the Carrie at the kitchen doorway giving her a quick kiss. Patrick was around 5'10", brown hair and green eyes. He had a slight belly, but other than that he looked good for his age. 

"Yeah but the deal got sealed, so I got off early."

"Hey Pat." Nick greeted. 

"Hey bud, thought I wouldn't be able to catch you while you're here." He said. His eyes stopped on my and confusion graced his features. 

"Oh hi sir. I'm Drew. Nick's friend." I said, putting my hand out. 

"Hi Drew, but please don't call me sir. Call me Pat." He said, taking my hand and giving a firm handshake. A handshake of a salesman, unsurprising seeing that he was a real estate agent. "So, a friend of Nick's huh."

"Boyfriend actually." Nick corrected. 

"Boyfriend? I didn't know you were gay?" Pat asked, looking at Nick. 

"Well until this afternoon, no one here knew that either." Nick said, rubbing the back of his neck. Pat laughed, slapping Nick on his back.

"Well good for you then. As long as you're happy. That's all that matters." He said. 

I looked at the scene and it looked just like the perfect family. Sure Nick wasn't related to Pat but you could see he respected the man. With everyone around him showing such support, I was happy for Nick. I really was. Coming out wasn't easy and having his family there was going to be such a help for him.

"Who knew I'd feel so good about this." Nick said later that night in bed. I was lying next to him, watching Nick bathe in his happiness. 

"Feels good doesn't it. Get it off your chest." I said, resting my arm across his abs. 

"I guess I have you to thank." 

"Hmm why is that?"

"You made me want to come out. You made me realize how miserable I was. You made me realize how rewarding it was to be your friend. You made me realize how much I didn't want to lose you to another guy." Nick said. 

"I think you have to thank Travis for that one." Nick chuckled. 

"Yeah well, whatever it is. I'm just glad I've got you Langston."

We fell asleep that night in each other's arms. Nick spooned me from behind, his arms draped across my waist. To say the least, it was the best nights sleep I had gotten in a long while. 

We slept in the next morning, and I've got to say, waking up in Nick's arms was a breath of fresh air. I felt safe in his arms. It was noon by the time we got up, or should I say I got up. I never really pegged Nick for a heavy sleeper but a heavy one he was. I swear it took me a good fifteen minutes to get him up. Eventually he gave in when I gave him a quick kiss. 

We spent the afternoon strolling along the lake, savoring our last few hours of peace before heading back to Seattle. It was late afternoon when we said our goodbyes to Carrie and Pat, before driving back the way we came. The long drive was fun, as we blasted music and sang along loudly, trying our best to mimic the artistes. Everything from Britney, yes don't judge, to Zedd. 

As we finally pulled up to the familiar street of our neighborhood, I knew that it was time to return to our normal lives. The awesome weekend was over and the next day we were back to school. School. That word ignited a thought. 

"So what about tomorrow?" I asked. 

"What about it?"

"You're not out to the student body. We can't be openly dating if you're not out. So we keep in on the down low for now or what?" 

"Hmm didn't think of that. What do you think?" He asked. 

"I think we keep it quiet for now. You should tell Tray and Kate first. I mean they deserve to know before everyone else right." 

"Yeah I think that's best." He said, stopping in his driveway. "Plus my dad. You'll be there if I need you right?"

"Of course. I'll be here." I said, getting out of the car. I walked to the trunk, opening it to grab my things. Nick came out too, helping me. "So I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yeah." He said, giving me a quick kiss on the lips. I looked around, making sure no one was around to see that. "Coast is clear." Nick said, shooting me a smile. I simply laughed and punched him in the arm, turning around and heading for my door. 

I walked up my porch, still thinking about the crazy weekend that had just passed. I was on cloud nine. I opened my door, ready to head to my bedroom. 

"I need to talk to you." My dad's voice boomed from the living room. It took me by surprise a little, not hearing him speak to me for so long, let alone in a such a loud voice. I dropped my bag at the foot of the stairs, walking to the living room where my dad sat in his recliner, facing the TV, which was turned off at the moment. 

"Yeah dad?" I asked. 

"You have to stop seeing that boy." He said. My jaw fell at his bluntness. There was no unnecessary chit chat with him, everything was straight to the point. 

"What? Why dad?" I said, holding my ground. My dad didn't even look at me when he talk to me, like doing so would taint him. 

"You jolly well know why boy. You spent the weekend away with him and suddenly you come back and I see you kissing him." He said. I paled at his words, so Nick wasn't completely right when he said the coast was clear. 

"What does it matter to you anyway? You don't even speak to me. I keep pretty much out of your life, and still you want to dictate how I live mine?" I said, quietly at first but my voice started to rise in anger. I couldn't believe him. Yeah sure he put a roof over my head but that's it. I haven't even been relying on him financial wise, using my savings I got from video editing for my daily necessities, and still he wanted to control how I lived my life. 

"You live in my house, you live by my rules Drew!" He shouted, getting out of his chair and turning to face me. He stared at me for a good minute, his anger emanating from his person. 

"Fine, if that's how you want it? I'll move out." I said, my voice no louder than a whisper. I turned and picked my bag from the floor. I was going to go pack, take whatever I could and find a place to stay the night. I couldn't be in the same house with him anymore. I guess it was about time he kicked me out wasn't it. I had a foot on the bottom step when he spoke. 

"No!!!" My dad shouted. "I promised your mom I wouldn't do that." He said, his voice dropping in volume. 

"I'm sorry dad, but I can't live like this. I don't even think this is a home anymore. I come home and you don't say anything to me. Mom died, okay? I lost her too, but I knew I had in fact lost both my parents. I knew that the only reason you put up with me was because of mom, and now that she's gone, you don't have to. Just say the word and I'll go, no hard feeling whatsoever. You can forget about the faggot son you had." I said. 

"I don't want you gone, I just want things to go back to the way it was, when we were close. With your mom gone we only have each other Drew, and I don't want to see you throw your life away just like that." He said, returning to the living room and dropping into his chair. 

"This is more than some boy isn't it? You are asking me to put away a part of myself. Pretend to be straight." I said, walking over and sitting on the sofa next to him. 

"You can do it. It doesn't have to be like this." He said, closing his eyes. I shook my head at his ignorance, thinking that I could change. 

"No dad, I can't. You never had to go through this so I don't expect you to understand."

"But I did go through it?" He said. I stopped, looking at him confused. What did he mean by that? "I went through it all, and I thought I couldn't change too. Your grandparents were very religious people and I felt so suffocated, just wanting to be who I was." I looked at my dad as his eyes started to water. Seeing my dad emotional kind of made me emotional too and I felt my throat tightening. "Then I met your mother and everything changed.

"I loved your mother, the first girl I ever had feelings for. I finally felt like I could lead a normal life, and I did. We got married, had a kid and everything was smooth sailing." He said, a tear falling down his cheeks. I looked at my dad as I took in his words. He looked so broke and a part of me wanted to agree just to make him happy again, but I knew I couldn't. 

"Dad, I didn't know and I'm happy that you were able to find happiness in mom. But that's not me. I mean I don't know, maybe one day I might meet a girl that would make everything change, but as of now, I don't. If you have gone through all this before, shouldn't you be willing to accept this? Wouldn't you have wanted your parents to accept you for who you were?" He remained silent. "I'm sorry dad but I can't go through with that." I said, getting up off the couch and towards the stairs. "If it's any consolation, I'm really glad we had this talk dad. I don't know if you still feel the same, but I still love you. I just hope that you still love me too." I said, grabbing my bag and going to my room. 

"I do." He said, just audible enough for me to hear.



Loss to Love Ch. 08



Monday. A day that on its own was already bad enough, and I had extra baggage of the conversation I had with my dad the previous night. I spent the night thinking about what he said, hoping that somehow I could make him happy. I knew I couldn't do what he was asking for, to pretend to be straight, but maybe I could make him happy another way. 

"Hey handsome." Nick said, coming up to me at my locker. 

"Hey." I said, still busy in thought about my dad. 

"Well don't sound so happy to see me." Nick said, somewhat hurt I didn't seem to miss him as much as he missed me. 

"Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind." I said, closing the locker door.

"You okay? What's bothering you?" Nick asked. 

"I talked to my dad last night. He wants me to stop seeing you." I said. 

"What? But we just...you're not thinking about it right?"

"No don't worry. It's just, he told me some stuff and it just got me thinking. I mean I want to make him happy, but I don't know how." I said, running my hand through my hair in frustration. 

"You want to talk to me about it?" Nick asked, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. 

"Nah it's fine. I'll figure it all out." Nick gave me a sad smile and squeezed my shoulder. I knew he wanted to hug me but being in school and all. "So are you gonna tell Kate and Tray today?" I asked, changing the subject. 

"Yeah, I was hoping to catch them after school."

"Cool. Mind if I'm there?" 

"I was hoping you'd be." I smiled as we walked to our next class. 

"Drew!" I heard someone call from behind. I turned and saw Travis running up to me, books in his hand. 

"Oh hey Travis, what's up?" I asked. Nick stood behind me, like a watchdog guarding a prized possession. 

"Hey so um...did you think about my proposal yet?" Travis asked, eyeing Nick wearily. 

Nick answered before I could. "Yes he has and the answer is no. Sorry but Drew is currently unavailable." Travis looked between Nick and I, unsure of how to respond to that. 

"Yeah Travis, I'm sorry but..." Surprisingly, Travis shot me a smile. 

"No no it's okay. I should have known." He said, smiling at Nick too. He came closer to us both, whispering so only we could hear. "You both are cute together. I'm happy for you two. I wouldn't have asked if I had known Nick was...you know." He said, winking once before turning around and heading in another direction. 

I looked at Nick, bewildered at what had just happened. "So does that make another coming out?" I asked. 

"I'm still unsure of how to respond to that. So weird." Nick said, pulling me to our class. 

Other than the weird reaction from Travis, nothing else was different, or at least so we thought. We behaved like we normally did with each other and no one was the wiser. 

During lunch, we sat at our table as usual, talking about normal day-to-day stuff as well as the awesome trip Nick and I had just gone on, of course leaving out all the revelations and stuff. Tray had shot us weird looks from the get go, hinting that there was something he knew that he wasn't saying. Everyone else at the table however, acted like nothing happened. When Kate arrived at the table, as always later than everyone else, she too looked at us weird. 

I shot Nick a glance and I guess he had the same thought I did. Apparently, we didn't need to say anything for those two to pick up that something was different. Nick looked to Kate and had another one of their silent arguments. This time however, both Tray and I understood what they were saying. Their gestures and body language didn't leave much to the imagination. So they had their suspicions about us and vice versa. 

I looked at the other people at the table, all of who were looking at us like we were aliens, watching our silent argument play out. I guess from outside perspective, we looked kind of stupid, with weird gestures and expressions, all without uttering a single word. Yep, we were definitely weirdos. Nick, Tray and Kate were all oblivious to the stares we were receiving. 

"Um guys, we'll talk about this after school okay?" I whispered, signaling to the little audience that we had gotten. Everyone else at the table suddenly returned to what they were doing, pretending that they weren't, just a minute ago watching us like we were some sideshow carnival freaks. 

My phone vibrated with a new text. I whipped it out and read the text from Travis, "You know, if you guys wanna keep it a secret, you have to stop making it so obvious. The others are starting to think something is up." I looked down the table where Travis sat at the far end. He caught my glance and gave me a 'seriously' kind of look. 

"Hey, I'm gonna go. Meet you guys after school?" I said, grabbing my tray and standing up. 

"Yeah I'll go with you." Nick said, getting up too. I wanted to tell him no, taking advice from Travis but it would have been even weirder if I had, so I kept quiet. 

Once out of the cafeteria and out of earshot, I took out my phone and showed Nick the text from Travis. He read through the message, handing me back the phone. "Well we were until Kate and Tray went all detective on us."

"Yeah well, can't really say I'm surprised. And they aren't any better are they. You could see it written on their faces." I said, Nick laughing and putting an arm around my shoulder. 

"Yeah. So I'll see you after class?" Nick asked, like he didn't already know the answer. 

"Duh." Nick smiled, looking up and down the hallway. Once he deemed the coast clear, he dipped down and gave me a quick kiss. "You know, you should stop doing that. Someone will eventually catch you."

"Well that would be a problem, if I cared that is." He said. 

"Slow down hot shot. I know you may want to, being caught in the moment and all, but this is a big deal. Just take it step at a time okay?" 

"I'll try. See ya." Nick said, walking down a separate hallway to his next class. I shook my head, heading to my own class. 

The school bell marked the end of the day and Nick and I had agreed to meet at the roof. He had texted both Kate and Tray, telling them to meet at the same location as well, so here I was leaning against the wall waiting for them, the stairway to the roof to my right. The sound of chatter coming around the corner drew my attention down the hallway, where Nick rounded the corner with Kate and Tray in tow. 

"Hey." I greeted. "Shall we?" I asked, motioning for the roof. They nodded and followed me up to the roof. The sky was overcast, signs of an impending downpour, which on any other day would suck, but today kept the roof empty enough for out private chat. I stopped at the wall with Dean's handiwork, the little bit of vandalism he did before he left, taking a look at the carved letters. It seemed like so long ago, and how different my life was now. 

Nick stood behind me, the heat emanating from him a contrast from the cold air. "Did you do that?" 

"Nah, Dean did, before he left. My birthday in fact." I said. 

"Hmm, do you miss him a lot?" Nick asked. 

"Yeah at first. I still talk to him a lot though so it's not so bad. Besides, I have a new friend that filled the void." I said, smiling up at Nick. 

"Oh my god, you guys are so sweet." Kate squealed in delight, coming over and pulling me into a hug. I had actually forgot that Kate and Tray were there too. "So c'mon I need to know everything. You guys are dating right? Please tell me your dating. "

"I think first things first, I have to address something." Nick said, turning to Tray who hadn't said anything. "Hey bro, so yeah...I'm gay, but you probably already figured that out." 

"No shit Sherlock. Don't worry, I'm fine with it. You're still the same guy after all. You are still the same guy right?" He asked, throwing a smirk at Nick. 

"Yeah man. No worries." Nick said, going over to give Tray a bro hug, or whatever it is you call it. "So was there something you guys want to tell us too." Nick said, giving his two friends a knowing smile. 

"Don't try to change the subject. You didn't answer my question. Are you two dating?" Kate scolded. I nodded a simple yes to which Kate squealed in happiness again. Nick however, shot her a look, indicating that it was her turn to spill. "You already know, do we still have to say it?" Kate whined. 

"Yeah I think so. Drew, what do you think?" Nick asked, coming over to my side. 

"Hmm I think I need to be clear on the issue." I said, rubbing my chin in thought, smirking evilly the whole way. 

"Damn you guys. Okay fine, Tray and I are dating too. Okay? Happy?" Kate pouted. 

"I hope the bro code doesn't apply here man. Does it? You know, not to date your bro's ex?" Tray asked. 

"Well I think this is an exception." Nick said. 

"Well so I guess that's that. All cleared up?" I said. 

"Actually not so much. There is one more thing. When is this made official? Like you know, public. I'm not trying to be pushy but if you two act too cute in my presence I may let off a squeal or two." Kate asked. 

"Well I've been trying to get him to take it slow but he seems quite eager." I said, nudging Nick in the side. 

"We just wanted to tell you guys first." Nick said. 

"Okay but promise me you'll try to be less cute when you're not public yet. I don't think I can take it if you are. But I will still be smiling like an idiot though." Kate said. 

"Deal." Nick and I said at the same time. 

"So cute." Kate squealed again. Tray laughed, putting an arm around Kate. 

"You guys make a cute couple too you know. I smell prom king and queen." Nick said, making Kate blush. 

"Or maybe we'll have two kings this year. I think we have some competition in that area." Tray said. I smiled at Tray. He was a good friend to Nick and it was just so awesome that he was so supportive of the idea of Nick and I being a thing. 

I felt a tinge of jealousy for Nick, having everyone he was close to react in such a good way. I shook the thought from my head though, knowing that it wasn't good looking at someone else's life and wishing it was for you. Besides, other than my dad, my coming out was pretty smooth too. I just can't help but wished my father accepted me too. 

The week passed relatively quickly and I found myself at Nick's house on a Friday afternoon, watching a movie in his living room. Nick seemed to take my advice seriously though, taking the coming out process slow. After Kate and Tray, Nick hadn't told anyone else, but I could tell he wanted to. 

We sat on his couch, watching some stupid comedy that he rented off Netflix. The show was bad to say the least. Stupid jokes and all around bad acting made it laughable, but not in a good way. "Why did you pick this movie?" I asked, laying my head on his shoulder. 

"It's bad movie Friday?" He replied, with such uncertainty I'm pretty sure he didn't even believe himself

"Mmhmm, sure" I said, hugging his arm. 

"Sorry, I thought it would be better than this."

"It's fine. It's the company that counts." I said, snuggling into him. This was a position I found myself in most of the time when I was alone with Nick, a head on his shoulder and hugging his arm. It was a comfortable position, for me at least. So comfortable that I found myself dosing off, coupled with the bad movie it wasn't that difficult. In no time I was sound asleep. 

It was around an hour later that I woke up. The movie was over and Nick was also fast asleep, his head falling off the back of the couch. I rested my head back into his shoulder, trying to fall back asleep, when a cough caught my attention. I looked to my right and there sitting in the single couch was Mr. Preston, hands crossed, a leg propped up on his knee. I was surprised, seeing that Nick wasn't expecting him home that night. I was also slightly creeped out by the fact that he had been watching us sleep but then remembered the position I was in.

I quickly let go of Nick's arm, the force of the motion waking Nick up in the process. "Wha...I'm up." He said sleepily, taking in his surroundings. His eyes stopped on his father, a look of confusion crossing his face. "Dad? What are you doing home?" 

"I came home to get something." He said, his voice deep and as always, intimidating. He watched us for a moment, clearing thinking about something.

"Um yeah, ok well..."

"Is there something I should know about here?" Mr. Preston asked, unfolding his arms and leg, leaning forward resting his elbows on his knees. The change in position somewhat altered the intimidating facade he gave off, or maybe it was the minuscule change in the timbre of his voice, I don't know, but Mr. Preston didn't seem all that scary all of a sudden. "Because if there is, I need to know." Mr. Preston chuckled, the first time I had ever heard him do so. 

"Um...so maybe..." Nick started, stopping when he could find the words to say what he wanted to. I couldn't blame him though, he hardly spoke to his dad, and suddenly he had to have this heart to heart with him. 

"Oh god, is this really happening?" Mr. Preston laughed again, putting his face in his hands. "You're joking right? Pulling a fast one on your old man?"

"Well no, not really." I suddenly felt really uncomfortable being there. 

"Okay so..." Mr. Preston made a motion for Nick to continue. 

"Okay so Drew isn't really just a friend." Nick started. 

"Yeah I can see that. C'mon Nick, I raised you to have more balls than that." Mr. Preston said. 

"You're one to talk. I don't hear you spilling the beans?" Nick said, a little too quick to catch his words. 

"What?" The smile disappeared from Mr. Preston's face. He looked shocked for a moment before his expression softened. "Carrie. I should have known."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Nick asked. 

"Put yourself in my shoes Nick. My son as good as hated my guts for divorcing his mom, add to the fact that he thought I was an alcoholic drunk, which I'm not by the way, how did you expect me to tell you. Coming out to you may have been the last kick needed for you to exit my life for good, and I couldn't handle that. Having you despise me was better than having you not there. So yeah I didn't tell you." Mr. Preston said. 

"Why would knowing make me leave? That's ridiculous."

"No it seems ridiculous because you're gay too. If you weren't? It would have been just another flaw for you to build your hate on. For you to realize how much you father fucked up." Mr. Preston said, slumping back into his seat. 

"Sorry dad, I didn't think about it that way, but you didn't fuck up. I may have made it seem like you did but truth be told, you are a good father. Mom told me that you fought for custody of Steph and me too." Nick said. 

"She told you that too huh." Mar Preston blushed. It was nice to see the man that once held such an intimidating persona, come into his own. "I may not have loved your mom that way, but I still did care for her deeply, and you kids were my most prized possessions. I couldn't let you go without a fight."

I felt my eyes water at the sentiment. It was touching to hear how a parent could fight for your kid, a memo my dad apparently missed. Nick noticed my watery eyes, concern overtaking his features. "You okay?"

"Yeah. It's just...touching." I said, in between chuckles. Nick hugged me to him, no longer caring that his dad was right there. 

"So when did this start?" Mr. Preston asked.

"When did what start? Us dating or when I figured out I was gay?" Nick asked. I let go of Nick and I straightened my clothes. 

"Both I guess." 

"Um well, we started dating after our trip to Mom's and I've been gay for...a long time." Nick chuckled. 

"I see. Drew right?" Mr. Preston asked. 

"Yes Mr. Preston." I nodded. 

"I think that's too formal. Call me Jesse." He said smiling. "Well I think I've overstayed my welcome. I gotta head off anyway."

"Where do you go every night anyway?" Nick asked. 

"Not to the bar if that's what you're thinking. No I uh...I have someone..." Jesse said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Wait wait hold up? Are you telling me that all this while, you've had a boyfriend?" Nick smirked. 

"Well yeah I guess." 

"When were you gonna introduce us? How long has it been going on?" Nick asked. 

"Almost five years now."

"Shit, five years and you've never brought him home once?" 

"He wanted to. Wanted to see my family and all, but he understood my situation and never pushed. I guess I can bring him here if you want to meet him." Jesse thought, a smile creeping onto his features. 

"You have to. I'd like to meet him." Nick said getting up and walking over to his dad. "You know, I'd never thought that we would talk like this. It feels good doesn't it."

"Yeah, never did I ever believe that I would come out to you, and yet here we are, coming out to each other. Like father like son I guess." Jesse chuckled. 

"I never said this enough the past few years but I love you dad." Nick said, hugging his dad. 

"I love you too Nick." Jesse hugged his son back, putting it all into that hug. This was a big deal for both of them. "I almost forgot what that feels like." Nick pulled away from his father, smiling his reply. "Hmm well yes, I have to go so I'll see you boys soon." Jesse said, patting Nick on his shoulder before making his way for the front door. 

As the door closed, Nick walked back over to the couch and dropped down beside me. He stared at the wall, not saying anything. "Nick, are you okay?"

"Yeah I just...was that all a dream? It didn't feel real." He said, turning his stare to me. 

"Well I think this isn't a dream. Seems quite real to me." I said, holding his hand that sat in his lap. 

"How is it that the person that I thought I had known my whole life, turns out to be someone I didn't think him to be? I thought that this would have been the easiest coming out, but it was the most difficult actually." Nick said, squeezing my hand. 

"It was the one that conflicted the most with yourself. It's not so much that the coming out was difficult; it was the guilt behind it, wasn't it? How you feel bad about thinking the worst of your father, when in fact he was just hiding behind a veil." I said. 

"How is it you can read me like that?" Nick asked. 

"I just know you Nick. You are a good guy, always trying to please the people around you. Your worst emotion is guilt, because you let it control you. Blind you. You don't have to please everyone Nick. You are responsible for your own happiness, first and foremost." I said. 

"You are my happiness." Nick said, putting a hand to my cheek. He closed the distance between us, connecting his lips with mine. This kiss was different though, hot without the fire, sweet without the sugar, intense without the passion. A kiss of true emotion. I instinctively closed my eyes, deepening the kiss. My arm snaked up and around his neck, locking our lips together. 

I felt his hand creep under my shirt, the heat from it leaving a trail as he moved it up my back. His lips parted, just enough for my tongue to slide in. I tasted Nick on my tongue, sending my senses on overdrive. I ran a hand through Nick's brown hair, entangling my fingers among the many strands. 

"I want you, so much." Nick whispered, breaking the kiss, instead trailing his kisses down my jawline. Goosebumps erupted across my skin when he nibbled on my earlobe. 

"I want you too." I mumbled, making Nick stop what he was doing. I cursed him, wanting him to continue. 

"Are you sure?" He whispered, his breath tickling my ear. I straddled him as my answer, pushing him down onto the couch. I hovered over him, breathing down his neck but not making any physical contact. I slipped a hand underneath his t-shirt, walking my fingers up his abs. 

"You're so hot, you don't even know." I whispered. I placed my hand over his heart, feeling his heartbeat through his chest. "What do you want Nick?"




Loss to Love Ch. 08



"Everything. I want everything with you." I smiled, grinding my growing bulge into his, increasing the friction between our hips. I pushed his t-shirt up and over his arms, throwing it on the floor. With his chest now bare, I attacked his nipples with my mouth. The moment I bit down, his hips bucked up, a hiss escaping his lips. 

In a spur of strength, Nick flipped me over, kneeling over my body. He attacked my lips again with renewed vigor, sucking on my tongue. I ran my hands up and down his back, reveling in the hard muscles I felt there, lightly scraping my nails against his skin. With one hand he unbuttoned the shirt I was wearing, slipping each button with excruciatingly slow fingers, all the while his conquest of my mouth continued.

My shirt fell open once the last button was released. Nick stopped kissing me, looking down to admire my body. I was in no way as buff as Nick but I had some nice muscle to me. I was satisfied with my pecs and arms but I could never get the abs that was so sought after. Blame my laziness maybe. With the amount of time Nick stared, I became a little self-conscious about my body.

"I can still remember the day you took your shirt off in from of me. Erotic as fuck." Nick purred, running his tongue across the skin of my chest. My breathing caught in my throat, coming out in short uncontrolled whimpers. I couldn't take it anymore, so close to cumming and he hadn't even laid a hand on my groin.

"Nick, bedroom, now." I breathed out.

"I though you'd never ask." He smirked, grabbing me around my waist and pulling up and off the couch, attaching our lips together once again. I wrapped my legs around him, my arms around his neck, as Nick carried me up the stairs towards his bedroom, all the while not breaking lip contact. Kicking the door open, he carried me in, using the back of his foot to nudge the door shut behind him. He dropped me on the bed, staring down at me with hungry eyes. "You look so perfect." 

I blushed, sitting up and moving my fingers towards his belt buckle. "Maybe it's time I finished what I didn't get to the last time." I said, releasing his belt in one swift move. With fingers I was surprised moved with such dexterity, I unbuttoned his jeans pulling them down past his bulge. I looked at the prime specimen set out in front of me, incased within the confines of his boxer briefs. There was no hiding though, the outline of his dick left nothing to the imagination. Nick was big. Around 9" long and about the thickness of a small can; it was a dick I thought only existed in porn. "Holy shit."

Nick smirked, climbing on top of me. His hands did the same, unlocking my pants and pulling them down, revealing my erect and leaking cock, the front of my underwear soaked with precum. Now I wasn't exactly small either but definitely not the monster that Nick was. At a little under 7", I was long but nowhere was I as thick as him. "You're no lightweight either." He said, cupping my balls in his hand. 

He rubbed his hand along my dick, through the fabric of my underwear. He circled his finger at the tip, eliciting a moan from my lips. I was so caught up in the moment I didn't realize him moving his face down to my groin. I only realized when I felt the warmth of his breath tickle my dick. His tongue darted out, flicking at the head, tasting my precum that had soaked my underwear. "Sweet." He muttered, diving full on onto my cock, licking and sucking through the fabric. I was speechless, unable to say anything even if I wanted to. 

His fingers grabbed the hem of my briefs, inching them downwards, revealing my pubes. Still he continued to remove them, the elastic catching on my dick. With one final pull he dislodged it, my dick slapping back up against my belly. The sight of it set something off in Nick, immediately enveloping me in his mouth. His warmth surrounded my member, feeling like the best thing in the world. I threw my head back in ecstasy, the pleasure coursing through my body sending every nerve fiber firing away. 

Nick started out little, taking only a couple of inches of me, his tongue working it way around the head. With each pass he allowed more of me to slip into his mouth. Muscles all over my body were tense, holding back the urge to cum, wanting this to last as long as possible. I almost lost it when my dick touched the back of his throat, the wet tightness surrounding my dick almost too much to bear. 

He pulled off, allowing my dick to fall back onto my body. He licked his way from my balls, up the shaft and hovered over the head, teasing it with his tongue. Before I crossed the land of no return, I pulled Nick up to me, capturing his lips with mine. "No way that was your first time." I said, referring to his blowjob skills. 

"I guess I'm just a natural." He smirked, kissing me again. While he was busy focusing on my tongue, I flipped him over, straddling his hips. I snaked down his body, grabbing his boxer as I went, pulling them further down his legs. His monster sprang out, looking so much bigger without the fabric cage holding it back. 

A bead of precum formed at the tip of his cock, inviting me to have a taste. I used a thumb, rubbing the clear liquid around the head, lubricating the area. I grasped the tool, marveling in its size and girth, intimidated yet aroused by the sight in front of me. I stroked him slowly, pushing and pulling his foreskin over the glans, more beads of nectar forming. 

Bringing my lips to his dick, I lapped up the precum, tasting the salty yet sweet essence of Nick. I tentatively wrapped my lips around the head, the narrowest part of his member, widening down the shaft. Nick held his breath while I circled my tongue around his head, coating it is a generous amount of spit. I relaxed my jaw, taking more of him into my mouth. My teeth scraped him a couple times, Nick hissing in response. As he touched the back of my throat, I gagged a little but controlled it, getting my throat to relax. 

Finally, I managed to take him down my throat but not a few seconds later did Nick pull out of me. "Sorry, I'm gonna cum if you continue that." He said. 

"Good then." I said, about to continue what I was doing but Nick pulled me up to him, denying me. 

"No not yet. I said I wanted everything with you." He said. I knew what he meant by that, he wanted us to fuck. I looked down at his monster member, unsure if I could take him at all. Other than my fingers, I haven't had anything else inside me, let alone something that big. 

"Uh Nick, it's my first time and..." I said, my voice conveying my nervousness of being penetrated by him. 

Nick smiled, pulling me down to him, moving his mouth to my ear. "Don't worry, I'm not going into you. You're entering me." He cooed. 

"Wait you're..." I always figured Nick to be a top and me, being the smaller of the two of us would be the bottom. 

"You bring out the bottom in me." He whispered and I swear I would have fainted if my blood weren't rushing so much. I always had a thing for muscle bottoms and Nick was offering me a chance to fulfill that fantasy. I was on cloud nine. 

Nick twisted to get to his bedside cabinet, opening the drawer and pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom. "You sure about this?" I asked. 

Nick looked to me with the caring look he always had. "More than anything." He said, kissing me and handing me the lube. I got off him, allowing him to bring his legs up, exposing his pink hole. I coated my fingers with the slippery liquid, circling the entrance, coating it in lube. I cautiously applied pressure with one finger, easily slipping in and past his sphincter. Nick tightened around my finger as I slowly moved it in and out. When I deemed him relaxed enough, I added another finger, repeating the process with two fingers stretching him out. "Drew, I need you now."

The urgency of his tone made me remove my fingers. I grabbed the condom, trying to rip the wrapper off, which was a lot harder with lubed fingers. Nick noticed my difficulty, grabbing the packet and opening it himself. I blushed at how smooth I was as Nick handed me back the now peeled condom. 

I put it on, rolling it down my shaft. I applied a liberal amount of lube, spreading it over my dick, afraid that I was going to hurt Nick if I didn't do it right. I lined up the head with the puckered hole, holding there at the entrance. "Ready?" I asked. 

Nick nodded, beckoning me to continue. I applied pressure, moving my hips forward, pushing my dickhead against his hungry hole. Nick relaxed against me, allowing me to slip into him. I held still when I felt myself slip past his sphincter, one reason was to let him adjust and another, to prevent myself from shooting my load from the tightness. Slowly, he relaxed around me. I took that as my cue to slide further in. 

"Oh god you feel good." Nick cried out, fingers gripping my hands. His dick was rock hard between us, precum dripping off and pooling on his abs. I inched my way in, sliding more and more of me into him. I knew I was all the way in when I felt his balls on my pelvis. I held there, taking deep breaths trying to calm myself. "Move Drew. Please." Nick begged. 

I pulled out slowly, feeling as he clenched around me, milking my dick with pleasure I had never experienced before. I pushed back in before my dick popped out, starting a slow pumping rhythm. "Oh fuck." I exclaimed, grabbing his pecs in my hand, squeezing the globes of muscle. 

"Faster Drew." Nick commanded. I did as I was told, increasing the speed of my pumping. "Yeah right there. Oh shit that feels good." Nick cried as I hit is prostate. I kept up my thrusts, aiming for the same spot over and over. Nick's eyes were closed in euphoria as I hammered his hole, moans escaping his lips with each thrust. His dick leaked like a broken tap, precum forming a pool in his navel. "Shit I'm gonna cum."

As he said this, he clenched his ass muscles, increasing the pressure around my cock. The pleasure intensified and I felt myself close too. One last thrust in and Nick came, shooting wads of semen upwards. His explosive orgasm shot his load all over, some landing on my chin and even on the headboard of the bed. With the onset of his orgasm, his muscle spasms squeezed my dick, the increased friction coupled with his explosive cumshot, set off my own orgasm. 

I unloaded into the condom, shooting more than I thought I could, releasing all the built up tension. I shivered when I was dry, my breathing coming out in pants. I looked at Nick who had a look of complete satisfaction on his face. He smiled at me, his chest heaving from the high of the orgasm. He brought his hand up, wiping off the cum that had gotten on my chin, bringing it to his lips and licking it clean. 

I ran my tongue over his body, licking up the leftover pools of cum. Nick pulled me up, planting another kiss on me, tasting himself on my tongue. My arms gave way just then, the strength sapped from my body, dropping myself down onto Nick. My softening dick slipped out of him but I couldn't move to remove the condom. "Geez that was amazing." I said. 

"More than amazing. God, that was out of this world. I don't think I came that much before." Nick said, still trying to recover from his orgasm. I reach down, removing the condom and tying it, throwing it in the nearby bin, surprised when it actually went in. I rolled off Nick, lying down beside him as I stared at the ceiling. 

"I seem to recall someone saying, and I quote 'I would do the fucking, not the other way around', or was that all a lie?" I smirked, recalling the day that Nick first offered his hand in friendship. 

He chuckled, "Well I guess you bring out a different person in me."

I laughed, feeling my eyes drooping, exhausted from the intense session we just had. Nick got up, walking to the bathroom to get a washcloth, returning and wiping up any leftover mess before throwing it back in the bathroom. 

He returned to bed, pulling the covers over us and spooning me. I smiled, cuddling into his arms. "You're amazing you know that." Nick whispered into my ear. 

"So are you." I said, sighing in content and letting my eyes close, succumbing to sleep, the best sleep I had in a very long time.



Loss to Love Ch. 09



I squinted as I opened my eyes, the light coming in from the window blinding me. I rolled over, turning away from the window, coming face to face with Nick. I yawned once, rubbing my eyes. I observed Nick in his blissful sleep, the look of pure peace on his face something I could not help but smile at. Last night was just amazing, the high of it all and the feel of cuddling with Nick after, both so different from each other, yet combined to formed one of the most incredible experiences of my life. 

I brought my hand up, pushing away a strand of hair that fell onto his face. My finger lightly grazed against his forehead, making Nick shift slightly in his sleep, but otherwise kept his eyes shut. "Morning." Nick mumbled, just barely decipherable. 

"Morning. I didn't mean to wake you." I apologized. 

"I need to get ready for the wedding." Nick slurred, again his mumbled speech almost totally garbled, me just barely being able to make out his words. However, making out what he said was one thing, but he wasn't even making sense. What wedding?

"Nick what are you..." I was cut off halfway when Nick continued, seemingly oblivious to my words. 

"Yeah I'll meet you there." He mumbled, not moving a single muscle. It then hit me, the slurred sentences and weird contexts. Nick was sleep talking. I chuckled as Nick made some weird hums. This was something I didn't know and I just added that to the list of things that made Nick so cute. "I love you Drew."

At those words, all sense of humor left me. Those words were as clear as day, no way that I could have misheard them. Nick just said he loved me. Yeah sure it was in a dream but weren't dreams part of your subconscious. 

I have made it no secret, especially to Dean about my disdain for couples who use the word 'love' so lightly. It was a firm belief of mine that love was more than any teen crush, more than some cute relationship you shared with your partner. Love was so much more than that. Love was not needing anything other than each other, how when you're apart you don't feel complete. Love was giving a part of yourself to someone and taking in a part of them. 

I thought about all this. Did I love Nick? The answer was a simple and resounding, yes, more than I have ever felt about anyone. It scared me to know that I could so confidently say it, that it needed no second thought. 

What did this mean though? Could I afford loving Nick? I thought about all the people in this world that I could honestly say I loved, my mom, Dean and my dad, before he went all cold shoulder. Of all these people, there was one thing in common with them all, and that similarity terrified me. 

All of them left me. My mom died, best friend moved away and dad pretended I didn't exist. Everyone I ever loved always somehow left me. 

I looked to Nick wondering if he would fall into the same mould. My worst fear would be that he would die on me, gone from the world like my mother. I don't think I would be able to bounce back from it like I did the last time. Imagining a world where Nick was no longer a part of filled me with insane amounts of dread. I wouldn't be able to take it if that happened; I would give up on life. And the worst part was, I know the feeling would only build the longer I stayed with Nick. 

Fear overrode every other emotion. I wouldn't, couldn't let that happen. I got out of bed, grabbing my stuff and putting on my clothes. I looked back at Nick, still sound asleep in his bed. I hated leaving when Nick was still asleep, waking up to find that I wasn't there, but I knew I had to do this. I shook my head, exiting his room and making my way home. 

I kept telling myself it was for the best, thinking about all the ways that splitting up with Nick was going to benefit me. I knew otherwise though. I was happy with Nick and being away from him would be more difficult than staying, but I was scared. Scared that I'd have to say goodbye to Nick.

I got into my room, crashing down onto the bed. The same question raced through my mind, over and over like a broken record. Could I break up with Nick, before I got too emotionally attached? Before I lost him. 

I was torn, conflicted between happiness and fear. 

Then there was my father, the only family I had left. I didn't want to leave my relationship with him broken as it was. I wanted to mend it but the only way to do that was to give up being gay. Pretend to be someone I'm not. Straight. The two sides of me fought within my head, thinking about reasons to justify my action, whether to break up or not. 

My heart told me to fuck it all and stay with Nick, telling me to not to be pessimistic about our future. Everyone had to go at some point and if Nick does, I had to take it as another stepping stone in life. My brain however couldn't fathom carrying on if Nick wasn't alive, after I've given him a part of me, which I knew would happen if I stayed. I lay in bed for close to an hour, waging an internal war with my emotions, before a text stirred me from my thoughts. 

"Hey where did you go? Woke up and you were gone." Nick's text read. 

I started to type a reply. 'Nick, I think it's best if we took a break from each other.' I looked back at the message I wrote, hovering my finger over the send button, unsure if I had it in me to push send. I sighed, moving my finger to the backspace, deleting the message I wrote. 'Yeah I needed to go back home. I'll see you later today? Maybe we could go grab some lunch.' I read over the new text, still unsure of how I was going to continue with this and once again I deleted the message. 

"Sorry. I needed to go somewhere." I replied, sending the neutral response. 

"Oh sure. So you wanna grab some lunch later?" Nick replied. 

"No man, I'm sorry. I can't make it tomorrow either. I'll see you on Monday?" I replied, giving myself ample time and space away from Nick to sort out my feelings. 

"Oh. Okay then. See ya then, I'll miss you." I could tell by his text that he was disappointed. I wanted to reply with an 'I'll miss you too' but decided against it. If I were to break up with Nick, I shouldn't be raising his hopes any higher. 

I dropped my phone onto my bed, covering my eyes with my hand. How was I going to do this? I lay in bed the entire day, forgoing lunch. I had too much on my mind to be hungry. I took a shower and one point, the warm cascade of water felt good on my skin but did nothing for my aching heart, except making me realize how fucked up having emotions were. 

By the time evening came round I was no closer to a decision. A knock on my door reverberated through my silent room, making me realize how quiet the day had been for me. "Drew, there's Chinese takeout in the kitchen." My dad said. I was surprised, not him buying food for me but telling me that there was some in the kitchen. Usually whenever he bought me anything, I would stumble into the kitchen and realize it for myself. Never would he have told me personally, anything to prevent him from speaking a word to me. 

I didn't need to reply, hearing his footsteps trudge down the stairs. I felt my stomach growl, the hunger finally catching up with the lack of food. I pulled myself out of bed and slowly made my way downstairs. 

As usual my dad sat at the living room, watching TV as he ate his dinner. I walked to the kitchen, grabbing a box of take out. I contemplated sitting alone in the kitchen, but remembering my dad's unusual behavior of inviting me got me more brazen. I grabbed a pair of chopsticks and my food, carrying them to the living room. I looked over at my dad seated in his recliner, holding a Chinese takeout box in one hand, the other guiding noodles into his mouth with his chopsticks. I lowered myself down onto the couch next to him, without so much as saying a word. 

At first he seemed surprised that I was joining him, believe me so was I, but eventually we settled into a comfortable silence, watching television. Just sitting there, even not talking, felt like I was in a family again, something I hadn't felt in so long. 

When I was done with my food, I laid the empty box on the table. "The food was good, thanks dad." I muttered. 

"So have you thought about it?" He asked. I knew he was asking about his proposition about me being straight. Yesterday I would have straight up said no, but today was different. I had a taste of what being a family again would be like. I had thoughts about ending it with Nick. My mindset was changed in the course of a few hours.

"Still thinking." I said, getting up and clearing our trash before heading straight to my room. 

I picked up my phone, searching for Dean's number in my contacts, hitting the dial button. It rang a couple of times before he answered' "Hello."

"Hey Dean."

"What up man?" Dean asked. 

"Nothing."

"Doesn't sound like nothing lover boy. What? Boy troubles with Nick?" Dean said. I could almost hear the smirk in his voice. 

"I guess you could say that. I'm thinking if I should break up with him." 

"What?! What did he do? Did he cheat on you?" 

"No, that's the problem, he didn't do anything wrong." I said, running my hand through my hair. 

"Then why do you want to break up with him? What, he has some weird quality that you don't like?"

"No, he's about as perfect as they come."

"You know you've got to give me more here man. It sounds like you're torn between breaking up with him or swooning over him."

"That's because I am dickhead." I shouted, exasperated. 

"Well if your gonna be that way, I'll talk to you some other time." Dean said. 

"Wait wait, I'm sorry. It just...I'm so lost man. I'm scared."

"Of?"

"He told me he loves me today. Mind you he didn't say it while fully conscious but in a dream, but still. I'm going paranoid over here because I don't know what to do and..." I was cut off when Dean interrupted me. 

"Wait wait hold up here. So he told you he loves you, so do you love him?" 

"Yes."

"Then what's the problem? You're scared he doesn't mean it, you know your weird thing about people who use love so loosely?" Dean asked. 

"No I think he meant it."

"So..."

"I'm scared to lose him man. I'm scared to love him. Everyone I ever loved has disappeared from my life. My mom, my dad, you." 

"Hey hey, relax. I'm. Still. Here. I've not disappeared Drew. Yeah sure I'm halfway across the country but I'm still here. Don't forget that."

"What if he dies man? I won't be able to take it. I can't have him leave me like that." I said, on the verge of tears. 

"Does this have something to do with your mom?" I didn't answer, sniffing once through the phone. "Drew, there are some things in life you cannot control. Death is one of them. If a person goes, he goes. But now you're telling me that you are gonna give up a happy life just because you're scared he will die? That's just stupid."

"I can't." I choked out. 

"Seriously man, you won't know how to be happy if you don't try. I can't tell you if you guys will be together for fifty years or one year, but can you live with yourself if you gave up fifty happy years for the fear that you would only spend one. Think about it man. Don't give up on this. I gotta go. I'll talk to you soon." Dean said, hanging up. 

It was all so much to take in, so much so that I no longer knew what I wanted anymore. I was mentally drained; the day of constant emotional turmoil had left me exhausted. I lay on my bed closing my eyes, tired of thinking so much. I just needed to sleep, and so I did. 

It was around 3am that I jerked awake from my sleep, my forehead covered in a sheen of sweat. My eyes stung from the tears that had flowed. I had never cried in my sleep before, never had a dream that was so intense, so real. 

Dreaming about my mom was something I hadn't had before either, even when she just passed. Seeing her in my dream just made me realize how much I missed her and, no matter how much I wanted it to, she wasn't coming back. 

But the thing that was most horrifying in the dream was seeing Nick, but it wasn't Nick I was looking at. It was not the bubbly and sweet boy I had grown to love. It was nothing more than a corpse, lying lifeless on the floor, blood pooling around his cold body. I bawled at the sight, unable to contain my heart wrench. Waking up was a relief, to realize that it was all a dream. 

But I guess it wasn't a dream, it was a nightmare. One that I was terrified was going to happen in real life. It was this nightmare that cleared my head, made me know what I had to do. I had to break up with Nick, before it was too late. 

Sunday was spent planning how I was going to break the news to Nick. There were no more contemplation, no more indecision. The nightmare set everything into perspective for me. I loved Nick but I will not stay around to see it when he got hurt. What Dean said the previous day made sense but I just can't bring myself to go through with it. 

Then there was my dad. I thought I had given up on him long ago, but now I'm scrambling to get into his good books again. After not speaking for so long, suddenly having him at least showing me he cared enough has me craving for more. Once again I remembered Nick's coming out to his dad, how they somehow managed to salvage the strained relationship they once shared. I wanted that too. 

Monday came, the day that I would execute whatever I had planned to say the previous day. The day I broke up with Nick. I had texted Nick, asking him to meet me at school early. Him, having no suspicions of my plans had agreed willingly. So I sat at the bleachers at school, facing the empty field in front of me waiting for Nick. A slight mist rolled over the grass, giving an almost mystical look to the otherwise ordinary football field. 

"Hey." I heard from my left. I turned and saw Nick walking up to me, a huge grin plastered on his face. I sighed at that look; little did he know I was about to wipe that grin off his face.  I didn't want to spoil his entire day but I had to get this over with. 

"Hey." I replied, turning my face back to the front. 

"I missed you." He said taking a seat next to me. He went to grab my hand that sat on my knee, but I pulled away before he had the chance. He couldn't seem to tell that it was deliberate when he moved to place a kiss on my cheek. 

Putting my hand up, I stopped his advancing lips, denying him the kiss he wanted. "We need to talk Nick."

The look on Nick's face became instantly serious. "Is something wrong?" He asked. 

"Yes Nick, a lot is wrong." I said. Everything that I had planned to say instantly vanished from my mind, going blank. 

"You can tell me." He said, care lacing his voice. I took a deep breath; I had to stop the charade before he said anymore. The more I heard his sweet voice, the more I felt my resolve disappearing. I needed to get this done before I changed my mind again. 

"I'm breaking up with you Nick." I said. Nick was silent for a moment. I could see from the corner of my eye that he was staring at me in disbelief. 

"What?" He asked, clearly not understanding the whole situation. 

"I'm breaking up with you." I repeated, still not looking at his face. 

"Yeah I heard you, but...did I do something wrong?" I screamed no in my head, his dejected voice making me rethink what I had just done, but done it I had and there was no turning back now. 

"Yes. You can drop the act now okay. I've had sex with you already. You won. You can stop the charade." Did I believe for one second that Nick would dump me once he got sex? Not one bit, but I knew Nick wasn't going to give up so easily if I didn't hurt him a little. 

"What? I'm not bluffing Drew. What's wrong with you? You think I was going to dump you after sex? Seriously where did you even get such an idea?" 

"Seriously Nick, I know I was some prize you lusted over for three years. You took your chance when I was down and broken when my mom died. Now that you've won, you'll go on to the next person." I said, feeling sick at my own words. Nick wasn't that kind of person and speaking about him in such a way didn't feel right. However, instead of Nick expression morphing into anger, it softened. 

"You don't believe that. I can tell. It's something else that you're not telling me." Nick said, seeing past my lies. "C'mon Drew, whatever it is, we can work through it. I'm not gonna give up on you like this."

"Just let me be Nick. I have my reasons and I don't have to explain it to you. Just leave me." I said, burying my face in my palms. 

"I won't. I can't. Drew I cannot give up on you okay, even if I wanted to. I can't give up on you because...I love you." He said. There it was, out in the open. This time it wasn't a dream, he said it, fully conscious and sober. "And I know you love me too. Is this what all this is about? You're scared?" It's scary how he could read me like that, but I couldn't let my guard down now, couldn't let him get past my defenses. I had made my decision. 

"I said I don't have to explain anything to you Nick. We're through okay, just leave me." I said. 

"I will, if you can look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't love me. Do that, and I will leave." Nick said. If I wanted him to go, I had to do this. I lifted my head from my hands, turning to look at Nick. It was a simple lie, 'I don't love you'. Just words to utter, but looking at his brown eyes, my mouth kept shut. I couldn't say those words. "See, you can't. So stop pushing me away."

This was it; I had one last shot. One last attempt to save me from the horrors that plagued my nightmares; I had to bring out the big guns. Hit him where it really hurts; A shot below the belt. I had to use his weakness against him, his guilt. I didn't want to do it, but I knew it was the only thing powerful enough to make him leave. 

"I want you to leave because every time I look at you, I think about how lucky you are. I think about how unfair life is that a person, who has already got it all, has a supportive mom, a father who you can talk to and friends who accept you for who you are. Every time I look at you, I get reminded about how I lost my mother, my best friend and to have a father who isn't proud of you. I get reminded that he's the only family I have left and yet I can't even look him in the eye without feeling like I failed him. 

"But most of all, every time I look at you, I remember the guy who pushed me into lockers for the heck of it. I remember the face of my tormentor who plagued my every waking moment. I remember the person who made me feel like I'm worthless. That's why I can't be with you." I said, a tear falling down my cheek. 

I wasn't crying because of the words I said. I was crying because I had to lie so much, make up stuff that made my insides twist with remorse, hurt Nick beyond belief just to get the man that I loved to let me go. He didn't make me feel worthless, he made me realize what it was like to be loved so much that the idea of a life with him gone was something I couldn't handle. 

Nick didn't move, staring out into the field, looking like a lost child. That was it; he has given up. Put aside his wants to make sure I wouldn't be hurt by being with him. I got up, shaking the tears from my eyes before running off, leaving Nick alone on the bleachers. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, out to the parking lot. 

I needed to get away from school, away from Nick. I couldn't attend classes in the current state I was in. I got into little red, turning on the engine and driving away, heading home as fast as I could. As I screech to a halt in front of my house, I dropped my head down onto the steering wheel, letting the tears flow out without resisting. I knew I had to do that but still it hurt me to do it. 

I cried for a good ten minutes, listening to the soft rumble of thunder in the distance. The pitter-patter of rain hitting the windscreen provided a somewhat calming effect, helping me regain my composure. I saw my dad's jeep in the driveway, having not left for work yet. I got out of the truck, trudging through the rain to my front door. I didn't rush, the cold water feeling good against my face, like feeling tiny caresses on my skin. 




Loss to Love Ch. 09



I walked through the front door, seeing my dad throwing on his jacket, ready to head to work. "Drew? Shouldn't you be at school?" He asked, shocked at my reappearance at home. 

"I did it dad." I said.

"Did what? You're soaking, god you need to have a shower before you catch a cold."  

"I broke up with him." I said, giving a sad chuckle. "I'm going to try to be straight. Like how you wanted." I said, my face twisting as more tears threatened to spill. I pushed past my dad, heading up the stairs to my room. Halfway up, he spoke, stopping me on the steps. 

"Do you want to talk?" I gave yet another sad chuckle. Of course after I do what he wanted, he wants to console me. Maybe now we could go back to how things were. Maybe with the love from my father, I could forget about Nick. 

"No, you should get to work." I said, continuing my way up to my room. 

"Okay well, I'll call your school and tell them you're not feeling well." He said. 

I closed my door, leaning against it, sliding to the floor. I heard the muffled sound of his jeep rumbling and drifting further away into the stormy morning. I sighed, putting my head in my hands. Maybe now I could get on with my life, finish high school and get into a good college, preferably far from Nick. Forget about him and life goes on. 

My phone vibrated in my pocket, pulling me from my thoughts. I fished my phone from my wet jeans, seeing it was Travis on caller ID. I rejected the call, not wanting to talk to anybody at the moment. My phone vibrated once again from a text message this time, also from Travis. 

"Dude what the fuck. Nick just told me you guys broke up? Why? Call me when you see this." 

I shook my head, turning off my phone. I didn't want to deal with any of it at the moment. I got up, taking off my wet clothes and walking to the bathroom. I filled up the tub with warm water, hoping a long soak would calm my mind and get me in control of my emotions. As I sat in the warm water, I took deep long breaths, telling myself that I was okay, but I wasn't. 

Each breath gave me this weird feeling of emptiness within my chest, like a void was left and what it was filled with was sadness. Each breath made me feel suffocated instead of relieved. I felt my eyes water again. 

I got out after thirty minutes, the soak doing nothing but giving me prune fingers and making me feel sadder than I already was. I dried myself, walking to my dresser to pick out some clothes. On top of the pile was a t-shirt I had totally forgotten about. I held up Nick's t-shirt, the one he had let me wear at the botanical garden. Looking at it brought back so many memories of Nick, of our visit to the botanical garden, our trip to his mom's and about that amazing night we shared together. 

I pulled the fabric to my face inhaling, his faint scent still infused within the fibers. I controlled my emotions as the tears threatened to flow once again. I pulled on the shirt before climbing into bed, settling into a fetal position, hugging my pillow tight for comfort. 

I tried not to think about Nick but still he made his way into my mind without inhibitions. I tried focusing on the reason why I did it. I did it so I wouldn't lose Nick. I repeated that in my head over and over. 

I did it so I wouldn't lose Nick.
I did it so I wouldn't lose Nick.
I did it so I wouldn't lose Nick. 

But the fact of the matter was, I already did.



Loss to Love Ch. 10



I lay in bed the entire day, unable to fall asleep, crying every now and then. The silence of the house was both a blessing as well as a curse. I loved the tranquility of it all, being able to relax my otherwise chaotic mind, yet the stillness of everything made me think even more. I heard the engine of my dad's jeep pulling into the driveway, the engine cutting off. 

A couple of minutes later, I heard a light knock on the door before the handle turned, the door creaking as it parted with the doorframe. "Drew, are you awake?" My dad whispered, I guess not wanting to wake me up if I had been sleeping. 

"I'm awake." I said, not turning towards the door, keeping my eyes on the window. 

"I bought pizza, I figured you'd be hungry." He said, the door creaking as he opened it further. 

"Thanks dad but I'm not hungry." I said. He came over and sat down at the foot of my bed, his weight causing the bed to tilt slightly in his direction. 

"You sure? It's pepperoni your favorite." He said. I furrowed my eyebrows. 

"You remembered that?" I said, turning slightly to face him. 

"Of course I did. You're my son right?" He said. He hadn't referred to me as his son in so long I kind of forgot that I was. Maybe breaking up with Nick was the right thing to do, if my dad and I could reconcile our past. 

"Right." I said, dropping my head back down onto the pillow. 

"I'm sorry." He said, laying a hand on my leg. 

"You don't have to be sorry. I wanted to break up with him." I said. 

"No I do and you and I both know you didn't want to break up with him. I'm sorry I've been such a bad father. I shouldn't have asked you to be something you're not. You were right. I should have been more understanding. My past gave me no excuse to treat you the way I did." I sighed, sitting up on the bed and looking at my father. 

"It's okay dad. I'm going to be straight now. Everything can go back to the way it was." I said. 

"No you're not. You're gay Drew, I was wrong trying to make you think otherwise. I see that now. I love you so much, and I know your mom wouldn't want you to pretend to be someone you're not either. I'm sorry." He said, dropping his head in embarrassment. 

"It doesn't matter anyway. I broke up with Nick and that's the way it's going to stay."

"You love him don't you." He said, a statement more than a question. I kept quiet, not wanting to say anything. "Listen Drew, I can see it. I can see how much you love him. I can see how much you're broken up about it. From the kiss I saw that day I can tell he loves you very much too, so why are you pushing him away?" I remained silent, not wanting to remember the horrible nightmare I had. "Drew, talk to me. I just want to help."

"I'm scared dad." I said, feeling my eyes water again. 

"Scared? Of what?"

"I'm scared I will lose him, like I lost mom. I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and he won't." I cried, letting a tear roll down my cheeks. 

"Oh Drew...let me tell you something okay. Death is a thing of life, you can't prevent it and you can't control it. Letting that fear dictate your life isn't living. You're telling me that you're going to throw away your life over something you have no control over." He said, moving up and putting a hand on my shoulder. 

"Dean said the same thing." I chuckled sadly. 

"And he's right. Listen, when I lost your mom, I was devastated, but that's not what I choose to remember about her. Instead of her death, I remember when we shared our first date. I remember whenever she would smile at me when I came home from work. I remember her smell, her laugh, everything that made your mother special to me. I remember the day she held you when you were born, and I thought that this was what life was about.

"If you're going to throw away what could have been an amazing relationship because of a fear that it would end before you were ready, then what's the point in living anyway. If your mom passed a year after our marriage or twenty, I still have that amount of time I shared with her. That amount of time that I felt complete. Can you honestly say that you feel complete now, breaking up with Nick?" He said. 

"Even if I wanted to get back now, he won't. I hurt him really bad, and I don't think he will ever forgive me for it." 

"You'll be surprised what people can look past when they love someone." He smiled, squeezing my shoulder. 

"Thanks dad. I love you."

"I love you too son. I don't say it enough but I do, more than anything. I'm so proud of the man you have become." He said, hugging me in his tight embrace. It had been too long since I felt his strong arms around me, so long since I felt safe in them. 

"So where's that pizza?" I asked, chuckling. 

"There's the son I know." He smiled, releasing me from the hug.

Even after my dad's pep talk, I wasn't sure if I could bring myself to get back together with Nick. I was glad that my dad now accepted me for who I was though. For so long I had wished he would say he was proud of who I had grown up to be and today I finally heard it. Never had I understood a child's need for a parent to be proud of them until today. It was different from acceptance. It was a testimonial to the fact that your parent not only accepts you but feels that your life accomplishments are worth something more, something they could look upon and smile.

That night, as I slept, I had the same nightmare again. I saw Nick lifeless in front of me. I didn't cry this time though, my brain telling me to do what my dad said. To focus on the happy moments we spent together rather than focusing on the bad, but still try as I may, I felt sick at the image of his corpse. 

The next morning, my dad poked his head into my room, stirring me awake from the nightmare. "Hey kiddo, are you heading to school today?" He asked. 

"Nah I don't think so." I said, rubbing the sleep from eyes, once again relieved that it was all just a dream. 

My father sighed. "You have to face him sometime you know."

"When I'm ready."

"Okay well, I'm heading to work. Just call if you need anything." 

"Okay dad." He closed the door and I turned, going back to sleep. After the complete and utter drama of the previous day, it was no wonder I was tired. I slept till two pm that day, waking up feeling happy that my nightmare didn't come back for a third time, at the same time feeling refreshed and hungry. I took that as a good sign though, knowing that I wasn't as depressed if I had my appetite back. 

I got out of bed, taking a quick shower. I knew the kitchen had nothing to eat so I was going to have to go out for something to eat. I changed and picked up my phone, realizing that it was still turned off, not having turned it on since yesterday morning. I knew the minute I turned it on, a barrage of messages would greet me. 

True enough the minute I turned it on, texts started pouring in. Missed calls appeared in my call log. Tray, Kate and Travis flooded my inbox. 

"What happened? Call me?"

"Turn on your phone goddamn it."

"You can't hide forever."

All the texts were along the same line. All except one from Dean. "I'm here. I heard what happened. I didn't go over because I knew you'd come around when you're ready. Call me."

Dean was in Seattle? My best friend was in Seattle?

I dialed his number, hearing the phone ring a couple of times before he answered. "Well it's about time."

"Dean? You're in Seattle?"

"My text was pretty clear. C'mon, meet me at the usual diner in town. My treat." He said, hanging up immediately. I knew what diner he was talking about, a usual hangout for us back in the day. Without a second thought, I stowed my phone in my pocket, grabbing my keys and headed out the door. 

I drove into town, going the route to the diner that I hadn't used in so long. Eventually I stopped in front of the old roadside diner, basically empty except for a few other customers. I walked in, scanning for Dean, spotting the little dwarf at the far end of the restaurant. He smiled when he saw me, watching as I clambered my way over to him. I was so happy to see Dean, my best friend who moved away. 

"Oh my god I'm so glad to see you man." I said, taking a seat across from him. 

"See you didn't lose me. I'm still here." Dean said. 

"What? When? How?" I shot. 

"I'm here for you. You sounded pretty distressed on the phone the other day so I had to come down here, prove to you that I was still around. I arrived last afternoon, thought I could surprise you in school, but Kate Benson told me someone broke up with Nick Preston." He said, giving me a knowing look. 

"I had to do it." I defended. 

"Bullshit Drew. You damn well know I was right. I mean shutting the world out after you dumped him, real mature. Your actions just prove that you shouldn't have broken up with him."

"Okay okay, first my dad now you. You want me to say it fine. I regret it okay. I shouldn't have done that to Nick, but I'm still not ready to get back with him yet. Hell I don't even know if he'll take me back, after the things I said to him."

"Wait wait back up, your dad?" Dean asked. 

"Yeah, we kinda talked yesterday. He's come around, full circle if I might add. In fact, he shares the same sentiment as you do." 

"Well I always knew your father was a smart man. Great minds think alike after all." Dean said, sitting back and giving a pose fit for a king. 

"Yeah whatever, you still haven't told me how you got here?" 

"I teleported. I took a plane of course, first flight out of New York. I leave tonight though, skipped two days of school as it is. I'm surprised my parents even agreed to it, but they treat you like a son so really I shouldn't be." 

"That soon? I was hoping we could hang." I said. Sure it was nice that I could see Dean in person, but I wished he could have stayed longer. 

"What are we doing now? Working?" He mocked. 

"Sorry. I mean I haven't seen you in so long, I kinda hoped I could have had more time with you."

"Well if you had bothered to turn on your phone earlier, we would now wouldn't we." He quipped, being his usual snarky self. He took a breath, relaxing and softening his voice. "It is nice to see you Drew. It's seems like so long ago doesn't it."

"You have no idea." I said. Just then the waitress came over with two plates, each holding a massive double cheeseburger and a truckload of fries.

"I took the liberty to order for you. It's still your favorite thing here right, or have your tastes changed." He said, pointing to the burgers in front of us. 

"I actually haven't been here since you left." I confessed, grabbing a fry and pooping it into my mouth. Oil oozed out of the deep fried potato, a health nut's worst nightmare, but it was oh so good. 

"You're shitting me. Didn't bring your boyfriend here?" 

"He's not my boyfriend. Not anymore at least." I said, feeling dejected at the memory. 

"And whose fault is that?" Dean said, taking a massive bite of his burger. Yeah he looked like a complete slob but who cares. When good food was concerned, personal image didn't matter. "But seriously though, you need to get back together with him." He said, mouth full. 

"Like I said, I don't even know if he'll take me back."

"Trust me Drew, he'll take you back. He loves you doesn't he?" 

"That's what he says." I said, giving a little shrug. 

"You see, that's your problem. You still don't want to believe that he loves you. You don't have to be scared about loving him Drew. If anything you should be happy; Happy that you actually found someone you can honestly say you love." Dean said, playing with the food on his plate, pushing it around with his fork. 

"It's difficult okay. How you realize that someone else could affect your being so much. It's weird, how your emotions tie in together like they were intertwined. It's scary, when you think about that connection being severed."

"Don't forget how painful it is, when you have to be apart." Dean added, looking at me knowingly. 

"You guys are not making this break up easy for me you know." I said, chuckling. 

"Because, unlike yourself, we all want you to be happy. Maybe it's time you stop thinking about what may make you unhappy in the future, and focus on the things that make you happy now." I sat there, thinking about what Dean said. 

Sure I may not be exactly happy at the moment, but could I honestly say that I didn't expect this? The whole purpose of breaking up with Nick was to prevent the hurt, and by extension the unhappiness of it all. So yeah I wasn't happy, but this is nothing like the kind of sadness I would feel if I lost Nick. Again I told myself that I already lost him when I broke up. 

The people around me, all echoing the same thought that I made a mistake; That I shouldn't have ended the best thing to ever happen to me. My dad, the person who played a part in my decision to break up, has seen the error of his ways; seen how much this loss has affected me. Dean, from the get go telling me that I should think through my actions. I did, and the thinking was what made me commit to the act. 

"I wished you guys would have told me all this earlier. Maybe then I wouldn't have gone through with it." I mumbled, not really speaking to anyone. 

"Excuse me? I did dimwit! But oh no, you had to go all paranoid and dump his sorry ass." Dean said, telling me like it is. I smiled at his reaction, "Smiling. He's smiling. You know I give up on this guy." Dean said to the ceiling, throwing his hands in the air in submission. 

"I am amazed that I've stay your friend for so long." I chuckled. 

"I'm still your friend because, you need me. Okay? Who knows the stupid things you're gonna do in life if I'm not." Dean said. I laughed, thinking about how ironic that sentence was coming from Dean. Most of the time Dean was the one getting into trouble and I was there to pull him away from it, but Dean had come through for me on a lot of occasions, mostly when I felt I was going insane. This was one of those times. 

"Thanks man, for everything."

"Hey, just paying back the favor." Dean smiled. 

Dean left later that night. I knew he had to go, although I didn't want him to. Still, I sent him off at the airport, like the day he left for New York. That time, I was distraught at his departure. I had just lost my mother and my best friend was moving away. I thought the bad memory of it would make this a repeat of the emotions I felt, but it wasn't. 

Maybe due to the fact that I had already faced the fact that my mom was in a better place, or maybe because I knew Dean would be leaving from the get go, but I guess I already knew the real answer. 

Last time, I felt like I was losing everyone, that I was alone. This time however, being a little older and wiser, I knew that I wasn't. I've learnt that distance doesn't make you lose someone, but make you closer. You realize how important that person is, even realizing how you have taken their presence for granted in the past. Dean was still there, always, not lost like I had once felt. 

I thought about my situation with Nick. True enough it took me breaking up with him, putting some distance between us did I realize how much I loved Nick. Loved him so much to the point of stupidity on my part. I didn't know if Nick would take me back, and I only have myself to blame if he didn't, but I had to try. Let him know at least that I made a mistake. I just didn't know how and when. 

After sending Dean off at the airport, I headed home. I had already missed two days of school and I was sure I wouldn't miss another. I was out of my slump and I had to face my friends sooner or later. Face Nick sooner or later. 

It was an understatement when I said I didn't have a good night sleep that night. A mix of insomnia and endless dreams meant that I woke up feeling more tired than when I went to bed. So here I was on a Wednesday morning, pulling myself out of bed to get ready for school. I yawned so many times that morning I lost count. It seemed strange to me how, even when I was so torn up over the break up, I didn't have such a bad sleep as this. Maybe I was just nervous about meeting Nick again.

I walked out of my house, heading for my truck. I looked to my left, seeing Nick's Audi parked in his driveway, the first time I had seen it the past two days. I was astonished that although Nick was my neighbor, I hadn't bumped into him, especially yesterday when I went out. I figured he would have been avoiding me as much as I was avoiding him. Nick usually left for school earlier than I did and I rarely saw his car in the morning, so a part of me hoped that this meant he wasn't going to school today so I didn't have to deal with the awkwardness of meeting him, but life never made it so easy. 

Nick emerged from his door, spotting me as he exited his house. I had almost forgotten what he looked like, my mind subconsciously trying to rid him from my memory the last few days. We stared at each other for a moment, neither of us moving. He looked different, the glint in his eyes missing. Eventually Nick gave a slight nod in my direction, a greeting you gave an acquaintance rather than a friend. I guess that was my doing and I couldn't blame him for his reaction when I was the one who caused it.

I got into little red, turning the ignition, hearing the engine rumble to life, however not moving off just yet. I waited, watching the blue Audi in the neighboring driveway. Nick took a lot longer than he normally did too, maybe having the same idea of waiting for the other to leave first, but I guess my patience was higher, seeing his car finally pulled out and down the road to school.

Still I waited a couple of minutes before leaving too, not wanting to seem like I was following him. Stupid, because technically, I had to follow him seeing that we were both going to school. 

Eventually I arrived at school and everything seemed normal. I was foolish to think that anything would be different but I just felt like something wouldn't feel right about being back at school. I thought that the news of our break up would have spread across school like wildfire but then remembered that the student body at large didn't even know Nick was gay, let alone in a relationship with me. 

I walked through the front door, hoping that I wouldn't bump into Kate, Tray or Travis. Those guys were the ones who were berating me with texts the last couple of days and I assume that they were not done with me. Who knows what they planned to do to me. I made my way to my locker without a hint of the terrible trio, a little nickname I decided to call them. It gave me a slight sense of security, thinking maybe I wouldn't have to face them if I was careful enough. Once again wishful thinking when I heard a cough. 

I cringed, turning slowly to face Kate, hands on her hips and her pretty face pulled into a scowl. "Hi?" I said, taking in her intimidating stance. It was different seeing her anything other than bubbly, and the strict mother look wasn't fitting for her. 

"Don't you hi me mister. I'm this close to beating your ass." She said, putting up her hand and sticking out her finger and thumb, indicating the small distance between them.

"You look really good today. Did you do something to your hair?" I said, playing ignorant. 

"Drew I'm serious here." She said dropping her hands from her hips, her stance relaxing. Just then the bell rang and I never wanted to get to class so badly before. 

"Oh well, I guess I'll talk to you later." I said, high tailing it down the hallway. 

"You can't run forever Langston. I will catch you eventually." Kate shouted, her voice carrying down the hall. Surrounding students, all oblivious to the context, looked between us in confusion. I blushed at the sudden attention, seeing pairs of eyes land on my retreating form. Naturally gossip started flowing around, all wondering if there was trouble in paradise. 




Loss to Love Ch. 10



By lunch, almost everyone in school heard in one way or another about the conversation Kate and I shared earlier. Of course, seeing that no one actually knew what we were talking about, weird scenarios started forming. Plot lines that could only happen in movies started emerging, ranging from the most absurd being that I fucked Kate and she was now pregnant, to me screwing with some football jock, the latter being not too far off. 

I grabbed lunch and, not wanting to sit with the football jocks, went to eat in the peacefulness of the roof. I was running from my problems but I couldn't care less. I had the right to take this at my own pace, no matter how frustratingly slow it was. 

My phone vibrated with a text, thinking that it had to be Kate asking about my whereabouts seeing that she seemed hell bent of having a talk with me. I fished it out, noticing that the text wasn't from Kate but Travis. "Hey, heard you're back to school today. Meet me at the field after school before football practice. I'm not taking no for an answer."

I wondered if I was going to follow what Travis wanted me to do. I mean he wasn't cornering me or anything, so I could very well just leave and he won't be able to stop me. A part of me knew that I had to talk to them eventually and maybe, with Travis being gay too, would be more understanding of my plight. 

That part of me won, evidently as I was standing by the field waiting for Travis that afternoon. I looked to the bleachers above me, staring at the spot where I had broken up with Nick, where I had broken his heart. Except for a couple of people sitting at the top, the stands were empty. A peaceful silence blanketed the field, the calm before the storm if you will, before the football team commenced their practice. 

"Hey." I heard from behind me. I was expecting that to be Travis, but that voice was unmistakable. Nick. I didn't turn, instead moving my gaze to the ground. 

"Hey."

"What are you doing here? You don't usually hang around here." He said. 

"Travis asked to meet me here." I told him. 

"He did? I guess that makes two of us." He said. Curiosity got the better of me, turning to have my first look at Nick. He was dressed in his sports wear, a school tank top with a pair of shorts, ready for the upcoming practice. 

"Travis asked to meet you too?" I asked, to which Nick nodded. We settled into a silence after that unsure of what to say to each other. I stared out to the field, the floor, the sky, anywhere except Nick. I wished Travis would show up soon, at least get a third person here before this awkward silence became unbearable, but no matter how much I wished, Travis was no where in sight. 

Eventually the football team started filing in, the field getting more crowded by the minute, definitely not the time and environment to have a heart to heart conversation. All it took was to see Tray walking toward the field for me to decide that it was my time to leave. It would have been too awkward with him there, looking at Nick and I next to each other and yet not talking. 

"Um I think Travis is late so I think I'll just go. Just ask him to call me if he wants to talk." I said, turning to head off the field. 

"Drew wait." Nick said, grabbing me by the shoulder. His warm hand felt good against my skin, making me miss him terribly. "We need to talk." I glanced at the football team, some of them turning their attention to us, me sticking out like a sore thumb among all the sports wear, wearing a pair of jeans and a shirt.

"Can we do this some other time? I don't think this is the right place." I said, trying to pull my shoulder from his grip but he had a tight hold, not allowing my escape. 

"No. We need to talk now." He said, turning me around. I looked at his face, determination set in his eyes. 

"Fine. Talk."

"You know I've been thinking a lot these past two days about what you said that day. Yeah I was hurt, I really was. I mean what are supposed to feel when the person you love says that they can't stand to see your face." At him saying he loved me, I looked around and noticed that the entire football team was standing to one side, listening to Nick's speech intently. Nick didn't care that he had just outed himself, continuing on. "I thought that maybe if that was how you feel, I couldn't put you through that. To make you happy, I had to give you up

"I started thinking about how you looked at me, how I didn't see anything akin to disgust. How when you looked at me, I felt loved. I felt your love. I remembered that you said I let guilt control me, and I realize that was what you did. Used guilt to get to me. But what I couldn't understand was why you wanted me gone so bad that you had to lie to me, hurt me to get me to give up. 

"Then Dean popped out of nowhere, looking for you and saying that he had to prove to you that he wasn't gone. Then it hit me, that you were scared to lose me, like you felt you lost everyone else in life. I was all ready to accept your decision and let you go. If that was gonna make you happy, I was gonna let you go. 

"But then I remembered something that someone once told me, that I was responsible for my own happiness first and foremost. That I shouldn't try to please everyone around me. So here I am, putting my happiness before anything else. That happiness is you Drew, and I don't care if you think you'll lose me or whatever because I will not lose let myself lose you. I love you." 

During his monologue, Nick had slowly closed the gap between us, bringing us within inches of each other. I looked up at Nick, overwhelmed by his words. He wanted me back. Nick lowered his head, bringing his lips to mine. The kiss was soft but I felt my eyes tearing at the touch. "I love you too." I whispered out, breaking the kiss. A tear rolled down my cheek, running down to my chin where it dripped to the ground. 

Cheering broke out from our moment as the football team, which had witnessed everything, shouted and hooted in support. I smiled, wiping the tear from my face. Nick placed his forehead against mine, whispering, "I can't promise you that we'll be together forever, but I can promise you that I will make you happy as long as you'll have me."

"I'm sorry. I was stupid, I shouldn't have..." Nick interrupted me, putting a finger to my lips. 

"It doesn't matter anymore."

"Well well well, took you guys long enough?" Travis voice came from the right. I turned in his direction, seeing a smug look on his face, Tray standing right behind him a similar look on his. 

"You were late." I said. 

"No I wasn't. My plan worked like a charm. For a minute I thought I had to intervene when you almost left. Good thing Nick stepped up."

"What plan?" Nick asked, mirroring my confusion. 

"Okay I guess it's time for me to come clean. You see, I didn't actually want to talk to either of you. I just needed to get you both to talk face to face."

"Sneaky bastard. Since you didn't mind playing Cupid, I'm assuming your crush on Drew is over? Because it better be, if you know what I mean." Nick said, growling lightly. 

"Okay slow down tiger, I guess I have more confessions to make while I'm at it." Travis said, holding his hands up. 

"Wait wait, since when were you gay?" Tray asked, not knowing about Travis's orientation. 

"Well I was getting to that. You see, I never actually had a crush on Drew, I'm not even gay I'm fact."

"What?" Nick and I said at the same time. 

"Yeah I pretended to be gay. I never liked Drew like that. I just knew you did and I thought I had to add some pressure or you wouldn't make a move." Travis said, speaking to Nick. "It was kinda mission accomplished when I found out you guys were dating."

"Wait, so you pretended to be gay, told me you liked Drew and them asked him out, just so that I would make a move?" Nick asked. 

"Pretty much yeah." Travis said, smiling. 

"What if I had said yes to the date?" I asked, wondering how things would have played out if my response had been different. 

"Even if you said yes, I knew Nick here wouldn't have let me go through with it anyway, ain't that right Nick." Travis smiled knowingly. Nick blushed, nodding his head slightly. 

"Why go through all the trouble of playing Cupid though?" I asked. I mean I got whatever he was saying but it was just strange to me. 

"Because you guys are cute together." This time it wasn't Travis but Tray who spoke. "Glad you guys came to your senses. On a side note, seems like the guys are all okay with your relationship." Tray said, pointing to the team behind, some of whom have started talking within themselves, some doing some stretches. "And they don't seem to mind either." Tray pointed to the top of the bleachers, where the two girls I saw earlier were smiling like idiots. 

"Well knowing Jameson high, news of this would be spreading through its halls any second now. I hope you're okay that you're basically out to the school now?" I asked, looking at Nick.

"I really couldn't care less, not if you're there next to me." 

"Well I know this is all sweet and all but it's practice now so..." Travis said, turning and running back to the team. 

Nick rolled his eyes, turning his gaze back to me. "I love you Langston. I really do."

"I love you too dipwad." I said. Nick smiled before capturing my lips in another kiss.



Loss to Love Ch. 11



-- Epilogue --

I smiled as I sat by the pool of Jesse's place, watching all the guests mingle. Smiles graced everyone features, and it should, being a happy day and all. I remembered back earlier in the day, when Jesse stood at the altar, reciting his vows, slipping the ring onto Nathan's finger. Nathan was gleaming; a smile so bright it could have lighted a whole city at night. I just sat there, smiling like an idiot. After eight years of dating, the two had finally gotten married. Nick was Jesse's best man naturally, standing there in his black suit, looking dashing as usual. 

I pulled myself out of the memory, scanning the backyard for my boyfriend. I saw him at the far corner, speaking with my dad, a drink in his hand. It's funny how much has changed in three years. Three years ago I never would have thought my dad and Nick would be able to talk civilly to each other, but look at them now. My dad had really come full circle, accepting everything about me, accepting Nick. After so long of getting the cold shoulder, I finally had my dad back. 

Our senior year went really well, even after our relationship went public. Surprisingly, Nick and I were voted prom kings, a first in Jameson High's history. Not surprising was Nick becoming valedictorian. After graduating from Jameson high, Nick and I both went to the same college. Nick, being the model student that he was, was offered both an academic and athletic scholarship, but opted for the former. 

We had since moved in together in an apartment within Seattle and I got to say, things couldn't have been better. Nick was still the same amazing guy, albeit growing a nice beard that he kept neatly trimmed. I liked the change though, making Nick look oh so much more handsome. Nick turned to me amidst his conversation with my dad, smiling when he realized I was looking at him. 

"Hey, enjoying the party?" Jesse said, coming and taking the empty seat beside me. 

"Yeah, it's fun. Oh and I haven't formally congratulated you on your new marriage." I said, putting a hand out. 

"Thanks Drew." He said, shaking my hand. "You and Nick were a big help though. I don't think I couldn't have gotten everything done if you two weren't helping."

"Nah it's our pleasure. I mean we were so happy when you told us you and Nathan were getting married, you couldn't stop us from helping if you tried." I laughed. 

"Well, whatever it is, I'm happy you did." Jesse said, chuckling. 

"Dad, Nathan's looking for you." Stephanie came up, calling for her father. Jesse chuckled and waved bye to me, seeing to his new husband. Stephanie really grew in the past three years, getting a lot taller and a lot prettier. Puberty had been very kind to her. "Sooooo, how's life? You don't come around as much now that you and Nick have moved in together. Did you miss me? I know you did." Stephanie asked, sitting down in the seat her dad just vacated. 

"Yeah because I always wanted an annoying little sister." I rolled my eyes. 

"Hey, that's what I do. Since I treat you like a brother, you deserve the treatment an annoying little sister is supposed to dish out." She said, crossing her arms. 

"I don't see you annoying Nick as much as you annoy me?" I said, raising my eyebrow. 

"I had an fifteen year head start for him. You, I need to catch up on." 

"Wow that makes me feel so special." I said, sarcasm filling my words. 

"Steph, are you annoying Drew again?" Nick asked, walking up to us. 

"Just doing my job." She replied, getting up and skipping away like a little girl. Nick shook his head smiling, pulling me to stand, wrapping his arm around my waist. 

"So, Kate and Tray are having a house warming party next Saturday and they invited us. You want to go?" Nick asked as we walked to a quieter area in the backyard. Kate and Tray had recently gotten a house together and moved in not too long ago. Tray hasn't proposed yet but Nick and I both know it was going to happen soon, we could feel it. 

"Duh, did you really have to ask? Oh and Dean invited you to watch the game tomorrow at his place. Travis is going too. I would go too but you know I'm not a sports person." Did I forget to mention that Dean was back in Seattle? Yeah after high school he moved back to Seattle for college. He's been here since. 

"Well if you're not going then maybe I'll pass." Nick said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

"You want to go don't you." I deadpanned. 

"Yes." Nick pouted. "Please come with." He begged. I laughed shaking my head at his cuteness. In the background I heard Stephanie's voice over the crowd, grabbing the attention of all the partygoers. 

"Okay everyone, in honor of my dad's wedding, I've decided to say something." She stopped, waiting as guests created a small crowd in front of Stephanie. Nick and myself walked up too, preparing to listen to her speech. "Well I guess I'll start from the day my dad brought Nathan home for the first time. At first I thought Nathan was just a friend, and believe me I was shocked that he even had friends. But then I saw the way they looked at each other. I could see the love they shared, and I knew they were not just friends. 

"Eventually they came clean to me when they thought I was 'old enough' to understand, little did they know I already understood but whatever." The crowd chuckled at her statement. "So it came as no surprise when you told us you were getting married and today, you are both husbands. So dads, this goes out to you. I'm really happy for you guys." Stephanie finished, raising her glass in the air. The crowd raised their glasses in toast to Jesse and Nathan too. 

Stephanie then looked over to Nick and gave him the signal to get up there. Nick left my side, walking to the position to where Stephanie had just left. "Um so since my younger sister started this, I thought I should say something as well. So um...My dad and I weren't on the best of term in the past, we hardly talked to each other in fact. I kept to myself most of the time and he did the same, and maybe that's what was the problem. I never thought my dad and I had much in common, but I was so wrong. In fact we started talking only after we came out to each other, not something you hear everyday but yeah.

"So after that I realized maybe he and I weren't so different after all. Then when he brought Nathan home I knew we weren't." Nick's eyes searched for his father in the crowd, finding him I the middle with Nathan. "When I see you, the way you look at Nathan, the way your eyes light up, I knew I saw myself because I knew what that felt like." Nick turned his gaze to me and I felt my blush creep onto my cheeks. "So when you told us you were getting married, I was ecstatic. Then I saw it all unfold before me, being your best man, getting married to the love of your life. So I have no doubt that you two will both be very happy with each other. Nathan, I'm so glad you could be part of this family, and I have to thank you for taking care of my dad." The crowd clapped, raising their glasses one more time in toast. I expected Nick to walk off but he didn't, staying where he was. 

"So guys, I'm so sorry that I have to steal your thunder on your big day but all this has got me thinking a little." Nick said walking over to me. "Drew, when I first realized I loved you, I knew I wanted to spend everyday with you. When we moved in together I thought that I was that much closer to that dream, but I knew that there was one more thing to be done, to seal that fate.

"So seeing everything that has happened today, I knew that I couldn't wait any longer. You make me so happy and I want you to know that I will always be there for you. So..." Nick paused, reaching into his pocket. My eyes went wide as he slowly lowered himself on one knee, pulling out a small velvet box from his pocket. "Drew Langston, will you marry me?" 

I looked down at Nick, holding out the titanium band to me, his face full of hope. I couldn't find the words, so I could only nod stupidly. The crowd burst cheering as Nick slipped the ring onto my finger. He got up, planting a kiss on my lips, sealing everything. 

"I love you." I whispered when we broke the kiss. 

"I love you too." Nick said, placing his forehead against mine. 

"Well I didn't think you meant today." I turned to my right to see my dad, smiling at us with his hands in his pocket. I gave him a confused stare, wondering what he meant by that. "You're boyfriend there, or should I say fiancé, asked for my permission just now." I looked up at Nick, seeing a blush creep up on his cheeks. 

"Well I'm a traditional kind of guy." He explained, giving me a squeeze. 

"We'll let me be the first to offer my congratulations. I'm so happy for you guys." My dad said, coming over and hugging both of us. 

"Thanks dad, it means a lot coming from you." I said, returning a solid hug to my father. 

"Hey, I meant what I said when I said I would be supportive. I love you, and I'm so proud of you." He said, releasing me from the hug, turning to Nick. "I would ask you to take good care of him but I already know you will."

"That's what I plan to do." Nick replied. 

The rest of the party was spent with people coming up and offering their congratulations. Jesse and Nathan were glad that their marriage had inspired our own love story, happy for us that we had finally decided to take that last step. Stephanie didn't seem to show much enthusiasm, stating that it was bound to happen sooner or later and it wasn't a surprise. 

Eventually, the party came to an end and we were heading back home to our apartment. I looked at the new band of metal around my ring finger, admiring it in all its glory. Nick grabbed my hand at one point, bringing it to his lips and giving it a quick kiss. A sweet gesture that always sent my heart soaring. It was the little things like that that made me love Nick all the more. 

We entered our apartment, Nick walking in ahead of me. I closed the door, reaching out and grabbing his hand in mine. I pulled him back, turning him around, wrapping my arms around him and resting my head on his chest. "I'm so lucky to have you."

"Same here." He said, wrapping me in his warm embrace. I looked up at him, bringing my lips to his, capturing him in a sweet kiss. He moaned against my mouth, the vibrations traveling down my neck, setting nerves on fire. I deepened the kiss, opening my mouth just a little. 

Nick took that as a cue, sliding his wet tongue into my awaiting mouth. His familiar taste something I was so used to, and yet feeling all new at the same time. My hand ran up his back, my fingers intertwining among his hair fibers. His hand snaked its way past my belt, resting against the skin of my butt, but no further. 

I felt his other hand up my back, moving to my neck before cupping my cheek in his palm. I broke the kiss, nuzzling my face into his welcoming hand. With his mouth now free, he trailed kisses down my jawline, stopping just before my earlobe. Resting his cheek against mine, I felt the world stop. This was where I belonged. 

Nick's hands moved to pick me up, swiftly switching my position till he was carrying me bridal style. I laughed, smiling up at the perfect man before me, the perfect man that was all mine. The look he gave me made me swoon from day one, and three years later it was still doing that to me. 

Nick carried me to our room, laying me down softly on the bed. He crawled on top of me, looking down at me, staring into my blue eyes with his brown ones. I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him down to me, resting his forehead against mine. His breath tickled the skin on my face, setting little sparks running across my skin. 

His hand pulled at my shirt, revealing my skin underneath. Walking his fingers up my torso, goosebumps erupted across my arms, sending the hairs on my body on high alert. "I love how you still respond like that after all these years." He smirked, giving me a quick kiss. 

"I don't think I'll ever get used to that." I breathe out, sliding my hands down the back of his pants, grabbing the round mounds of his butt in my hands. 

"Well we have our whole lives to enjoy it, together." He smiled, kissing once again on my forehead. He then proceeded to remove my shirt, throwing it onto the floor. Kisses found their way down my neck, to my chest, his stubble running across my skin, adding a rough element to the otherwise soft kisses. 

His tongue darted out, flicking my nipple once, making me buck my hips just a little. Encouraged by my response, he bit down lightly on the bud, making me hiss in pleasure. The growing bulge in my pants was starting to get uncomfortable now, expanding in the confines on my underwear. Nick read my thoughts, running his hand over, slowly pulling the zip down, allowing just enough room so I wasn't in pain. He continued his attack on me, biting and kissing various spots on my body. 

I brought my hands up, unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off, throwing it in the growing pile on the floor. I brought my hand down, cupping his monster bulge in my hand, rubbing it through the fabric of his dress pants. I felt his member jump under my hand, smiling at how eager he was. I unbuckled his pants, slowly dropping the zip. 

With all the strength I could muster, I pushed him off, rolling over so I was straddling him. I licked at his chest, slowly moving downwards, past his abs to his pelvis. The smell of musk permeated the air, mixed with his natural smell, a combination so euphoric for me. I hovered my lips over his dick, wrapped in the confines of his boxer briefs. I breathed out, letting the heat from my breath run across his shaft, my lips just barely grazing the surface. 

His dick jumped at the stimulation, making me smile wickedly. I laid my lips right at the head, kissing the tip, which immediately leaked precum, a wet spot appearing on his underwear. I pulled down the hem of his briefs, releasing the beast from its cage. I admired the specimen I front of me, a dick so perfect it could have been carved from marble. 

My eyes trailed up the thick vein that ran up the length of his 9" cock, leading to the plump mushroom head at the top. Resistance left me as I forgot all about foreplay, bringing my mouth down onto his dick, taking him into my mouth. The sudden action caused Nick to gasp out in pleasure. 

My tongued circled the head, lubricating it with my spit. I was proud to say that over the years, I've gained experience with giving Nick blowjobs, especially when he was so well endowed. I sucked, taking more of him with each stroke until I felt him hit the back of my throat. I felt my throat muscles encircling him, adding friction. I slowed every time I felt him on the edge, pulling back until he calmed back down. 

After bringing him close for a third time, Nick pulled me up to him. He kissed me once before turning me over, sliding down my body giving me a sly grin. He pulled my trousers and underwear down as he went, pulling them off my body as he descended down my body, leaving me completely naked in front of him. 

He sucked on my balls, massaging them with his tongue. His finger massaged the area between my balls and ass, applying slight pressure against my perineum. His tongue slowly licked up my shaft, his tongue almost scorching against the sensitive skin. He made a note to completely avoid the head, ensuring I lasted as long as I could. I was on the edge as it was and his teasing wasn't helping one bit. I was about ready to explode. 

His tongue continued pacing up and down my cock, once in a while, brushing up against the glands, sending electricity coursing through my veins. I wasn't expecting it when he suddenly took me in his mouth, taking me all the way down to the base without so much as a gag. The warmth of his mouth and throat engulfed me, me having to grab the bed sheets to stop from cumming immediately. He stayed there for a moment, his throat muscles tightening around me. 

I held my breath, trying to regain some form of control, clenching muscles to stay the oncoming orgasm. Nick remained completely still too, sensing that I was too close. If he had move even a little, I would have came straight away and we both were not ready for this to end just yet. 

Eventually, my grip on the covers relaxed, I let out the breath I was holding, unclenching taut muscles, relaxing against the soft mattress. Nick took that as cue to continue, pulling off slowly before descending once again. The slow stroke of his tongue didn't help with the problem of my incoming orgasm. "Nick I want you in me." I choked out. 

Nick pulled off me, smiling up to me. "I thought you'd never ask." I reach to the nightstand, grabbing the bottle of lube stashed away there. I handed it over to him and he immediately got to work, lubing up his fingers. When he was satisfied with his glossy fingers, he circled my puckered hole, willing me to relax. I opened up involuntarily, too aroused and in need of him to clench any further. I had taken Nick and his monster before but I needed to be prepared before. 

He slid a finger in, the digit slipping in without any resistance. Twisting his finger around my hole, he coated the walls with lube. Quickly a second finger was added, scissoring me to get me to adjust. "Nick just do it, I can't take it anymore." I cried out, squeezing my ass onto his fingers. 

He pulled out, lubing up his dick. We had both gotten checked some time back and were both clean so condoms were a thing of the past. He poured a liberal amount of KY jelly on his cock, slathering it down the shaft to ensure it was evenly coated. I sat up as he lay down in my vacated spot, straddling him. I grabbed him, positioning him at my hole. I rubbed it around the rosebud, feeling him stretch me. 

Stopping him at my entrance, I held him there as I lowered myself down onto him. With almost no resistance, he slid in, his mushroom head passing my sphincter. I moaned at the fullness of it, pushing down on him, taking more of him into me. I pushed out, allowing him to slide in the last bit, my butt coming to rest on his pelvis. I took a few deep breaths, allowing myself to adjust to his monster. 

Nick ran his hand up and down my arm, his way of telling me to take my time. I couldn't care less about taking my time, wanting him too bad. I relaxed enough around him, pulling up till only his head was inside. I descended back down, slowly developing a rhythm as I rode him. 

I clenched my muscles ever so often, making Nick moan in pleasure. I gasped when he struck my spot, every nerve in my body firing off at once. My arms gave way under me, collapsing me down onto Nick. Nick continued to pump into me, constantly hitting my prostate. My breathing rate increased, matching his quick pants. With my head on his chest, I could hear his heart, beating in time to my own pulse. His thrusts coincided with me pushing back onto him. We were, in every way possible, one. 

As he pumped into me, I felt the feeling growing within my groin, boiling till it was about to overflow. Nick's dick swelled in me, telling me he was as close as I was. With one last thrust, I came long and hard, shooting streaks of cum onto his body. My muscles contracted, coming like a vice on him, milking him. The increased pressure proved too much for Nick, immediately dumping his load into me. I felt his hot seed coat my insides, so erotic I would have came again if I wasn't so spent. 

I dropped my exhausted form onto him, shivering from the high of the orgasm. His dick started softening before finally popping out of me. I rolled off Nick, catching my breath. "I love you Nick." I said, in between pants. 

"I love you too Drew. Forever and always." Nick said. 

I thought about us, how we've gone so far in our relationship, all our ups and downs, our rocky start and our problems. I remembered how our friendship was formed from my loss. Loss that I thought I couldn't recover from, and yet through that loss, I discovered love. I guess that's my story though, how I went from the worst time of my life to the best. 




Loss to Love Ch. 11



How I went from loss to love.

---End---

A/N: Hey guys, hope you enjoyed the story. i was really happy how this story turned out as a whole. I think it's my best work to date. So tell me what you think, leave a comment. I'd love to hear feedback on the story.