0 comments/ 10300 views/ 25 favorites It Was Always You Ch. 01 By: kent0ter0 *NOTE: I entitled this Flashbacks and Brown Locks because, surprise surprise, this chapter is a flashback and well, Jacob's Brown locks. I decided to dump all the flashbacks in this chapter about Jacob and Kyle. Also, this is my first time to write a story so... Don't give me hell =)) Any suggestions and constructive criticisms will be accepted. Haters shall go to hell. :p Also if you want to be my proofreader, you can send me a private feedback. ;) **** Chapter 1 - Flashbacks and Brown Locks Kyle Matthews is never the guy with good memory. He is really bad in remembering things. But there are memories that are very vivid to him. Memories that are clear as day and more High Definition than Blue Ray. Those are his memories with Jacob Ashford. He was six when a family moved to the large estate beside their house. It was a very hot summer then. Kyle was watching Sponge Bob and was bored to death. His mom did not want him to go outside and play. He was in the middle of the show when his mom came from the kitchen with a bunch of macadamia nut cookies in a Tupperware. He tried to get the Tupperware from his mom but his mom forbade him to. She said it was for the new neighbors. Kyle realized how big the house of their neighbor is. Not mentioning the size of their lawn. It was like a park. There is no guard yet so they were able to enter the massive gates. Mom knocked on the front door with a smile from ear to ear. It was the best weapon you have when meeting new neighbors, her mom always say. A woman answered the door. She was a beautiful ethereal woman. She was dark haired and lightly tanned but her smile lights up anyone who will see it. The woman ushered us to come inside. Their home was well, awesome. It was very modern. It will blow any housewives. Mrs. Ashford or Emily as she wants us to call her called her son Jacob. A little boy whose a little shorter than me with brown hair with cute little locks. And his eyes. Two different sets of color. The right one is green and the left one is a light blue. My mom couldn't shut up about how adorable Jacob is. He says he is cute and sweet. It made me very jealous sooooo, I kind of stomped on his foot. My mom was shocked with what I did. She apologized and dragged me home. She spanked me a little and ordered me to stand on my thinking corner until I am sorry. Yes, I have that one because apparently I am somewhat a stupid crazy kid. I was sorry. I really was. The kid was happy to have me as a friend and because I was jealous, I stomped on his feet. I came to my mom when I was ready to say sorry. We went to their house again and say sorry. "I'm sorry." I said looking down. Then I glanced up and I saw him smile. Perfect teeth and all. "Can you be my friend?" I asked. He nodded shyly. I didn't know then why I felt the urge to hug Jacob. But I did anyway. "Do you want to play video games Jakey?" He asked. "Sure." Jacob answered. The tone of his voice made Kyle happy. He took Jacob's hand and drag him outside. By the start of school year, the two of them were inseparable. They were called conjoined twins by the teachers. The two of them have their own little world. By second term, the teachers decided to separate them by putting them at the opposite side od the classroom and not pairing them up. But come by recess, they are back in their little own world again. Jacob was very smart. He dusted of the rest of the class. While we were learning takeaways, Jacob was now very knowledgeable in multiplication, division and such. His dad is a big shot programmer and his mom is a well known author. It is expected of him to be smart. By middle school they begin to have new friends but that did not stopped them from hanging out. They were in separate classes but the two of them will once again rush to see each other during recess, lunch and going home at the same time. Ben did not understand girls. Some of them are fond of him but not as fond of him as they are fond of Jacob. By middle school Jacob was as tall as him. The girls are crazy about Jacob. His hair, his nose, his face, his lips, his skin. And his heterochromatic eyes. Girls go crazy. He cannot argue about that. He too thinks of Jacob that way. Though he isn't really very proud of the possessive feelings he has for his best friend. Like he wants to yank every girls hair that surrounds Jacob. Jacob fortunately is not really crazy with the attention. He escapes the girls when he gets the chance. He and Jacob hide in the bushes all the time. He tried to have a sleepover during Fridays with other kids but he wasn't really enjoying. But come Saturday, he will be rushing home to spend time with Jacob. By sophomore year, Kyle was drafted to the Football team. Jacob meanwhile was not that interested in athletics. He was more interested in Engineering than sports and in music. "Hey. How's practice dude?" Jacob asked by the phone. "Very long man. Pretty tired." "Are you coming over?" "Yeah." "Cool, I'll get pizza. Mom and dad are out for a late night meeting." "Sure. I'll spend the night." Kyle cannot contain the excitement he has while going home. He is spending the night again with Jacob. He immediately called his mom about spending over. Seeing aas it was only a very vast lawn and a door, she said yes. He went home first to change clothes and bring toiletries. They played games in Jacob's room until they felt tired. "I'll get the wall side," says Jacob. "Sure. I don't want you falling down the bed again." I want you to fall for me. Jacob punched him jokingly. While in bed, Kyle is having a hard time with his feelings. Jacob was besude him and he want to make out with him before the sleep. "Kyle?" Jacob asked. "Yeah?" "It's cold. Can we cuddle?" He should say no. But his cock betrayed him. "Yes." He hugged Jacob who was facing the wall. He pressed his face to Jacob's neck. And he fell asleep. *** The two of them have separate friends. Kyle has his football buddies while Jacob is with his classmates. Soon he heard some people whispering weird things about him and Jacob. So he tried to not act weird around Jacob. He no longer hugs him or put his arms on his back. He was no longer as touchy as he was before. It wasn't long till Jacob confronted him about it. "Kyle..." "Yeah?" "Did I do something wrong?" "No. Why do you ask?" "Cause you are acting weird around me." I am acting weird cause I am batshit in love with you. I want to make out with you 24/7. But I do not now how to handle it. Of course he did not have the courage to say that. "I'm not." "You are." "I said I'm not!" I shouted. Thank God, nobody is home. "You are! You don't even approach me in school anymore. You are always hanging with those football jocks!" "They are my friends!" "So what am I to you?" This shattered Kyle. He was shocked and did not know how to respond. "I'm going home." Kyle said instead. He rushed to the door looking back at Jacob. His heart pounding like a sledgehammer that he could get a heart attack at the moment. *** Kyle felt bad for a whole week. Even his mom sensed it. She tried confronting him but he lied. He said he was having a bad time at school with football. Jacob tried calling him a lot of times but he missed them on purpose. He also tried texting him but he did not have the courage to reply. Thankfully, Jacob did not ride the school bus today. He must have rode his bike. But then, he cannot escape his first period. Kyle is his classmate in biology. Thankfully again, they weren't lab partners. He was transferred from another class because it interfered with his football practice. He nervously and excitedly waited for Jacob. He wanted to say sorry for what happened. He decided that it is best to tell him what's really happening. He just couldn't hold back anymore. A different Jacob walked in the lab. Gone were the curly locks and shaggy hair. His hair was styled like a supermodel and that make him look like he reeks of danger. His cheekbones were very prominent. And his eyes adorable eyes looked really expressive. He looked a little tanned too. The girls swooned over him and he could not deny that he heard a moan from the lady behind him. Jacob went to his seat and did not bother looking at him. He was hurt. But he knows he deserved it. He was such an ass. If he could just tell him what he feels and kiss him... maybe... maybe the weirdness will go away. Maybe he could get his shit together. He avoided running into Jacob for the whole day. He planned on going to their house after football practice. *** Kyle knocked on Jacob's room. "It's open mom." I opened it. Jacob was naked waist up. He was in treadmill reading a book while working out. I have never seen him that way since we were kids. "Oh, it's you." Jacob said with a grim expression. Jacob turned off the treadmill and came to face me. I was on the couch and he was on the edge of his bed "Jake, I-" "What?" "I want to apologize for this week. I know that I am acting weird. I-" He was stuttering not because he does not know what to say. He was stuttering because he badly wants to kiss that boy in front of him. He want to tackle him to the bed and make love to him. "I-am in a really dark place right now. And I don't know how to handle it." I am beginning to tear up. I took a deep breath. "Jake, I - I- think I am in love with you." There. I let it go. Jacob stood up and went for the door. Oh God. He is kicking me out. Lord, I can't live with this. He locked it. Is he going to kill me instead? I did not know he is homophobic. Jacob stood in front of me with his eyes tearing up. I stood up to face him. He grabbed my face and descended his mouth to mine. I hugged him to press our bodies together. We kissed for a few minutes until he pulled out. "I've been wanting to do that for years now Kyle." Years? I wasted years? I smiled. My heart was pounding with happiness. I hugged him tight. "I love you Jake." "I love you to Kyle. Always." *** Our routine was pretty much the same. We both go home with Jacob waiting for me. We make out. We haven't tried more than that as we both decide that we aren't ready. We've made plans to move in together for college and such. With make out sessions of course. A few months near the end of school year, Kyle heard the seniors talking about Jacob. They called him names like 'Chem Bitch' and 'Loser Nerd.' They also gave him shit for being friends with Jacob. It affected him so much. He couldn't give up football because it made his dad very happy. He spent less and less time with Jacob. He also stopped texting him and refused on seeing him. I spent more time with the cool kids even though I fucking hated it. I missed Jacob so bad but I won't fucking admit it. I don't want to get cut in the football team. At the end of the school year, I was miserable as hell. I have little sleep and I am depressed. I no longer see Jacob. It seems he was avoiding me. I wouldn't blame him. He didn't see Jacob that first week of summer although he badly wanted too. Just a glance. He was unlucky. Jacob seems to not go out. He badly wants to go out there but he can't. He was embarrassed for how he treated Jacob for the last few months. Then came the football camp he and his buddies signed up for. He was gone for the week. He wanted to enjoy it so badly but he couldn't. All that he could do was remember the summers he spent with Jacob. He wasn't able to concentrate on that football camp. He just misses his best friend too damn much. After he came back, he went to see Jacob. He missed him so much he can no longer contain it. The gate was padlocked. He snuck through the gate and tried to peek inside. Nobody was there. The furniture however was draped with white cloth. Later that night he asked his mom where Jacob and his parents go. He was shocked to know that they had moved to another state. She said Jacobs's parents have been planning to that year but if only Jacob wanted too. He asked her where but she doesn't know. He went upstairs and cried myself all night. I missed my best friend. I was stupid. I took him for granted. I miss my true love. By junior year I was like a zombie. It was only football that drives me. I was miserable in my classes and started drinking like the other cool kids. I became kind of popular after Jacob went away. He was kind of the guy every girl crushes on before. It was until the middle of school year when a video of handsome guy our age playing the piano and singing to Ed Sheeran surfaced. His voice was so familiar that it reaps through his heart. He examined the video closely and he knew. He knew who that guy was. It was, no, It is the guy that he loves. Jacob Ashford. Jacob is not the lean guy he used to be. He filled up with muscles. He now had broad shoulders, flat stomach and such. His biceps, oh he could imagine himself being hugged by those. And he is very tall now. On his estimate, he must be at least 6 feet. He tried searching it in YouTube to stalk but it wasn't Jacob's YouTube channel. It turns out some classmates videoed him without his permission. It wasn't long until information about Jacob Ashford started coming out. Jacob is a student of the Top Prep Schools in the country. He is one of the top students in the class. The following weeks have been about Jacob. He guested in lots of TV shows. I see him in Ellen, Good Morning America and even in The Voice. He even appeared in Taylor Swift's new video. Girls were going gaga over him. People were flocking over him. People in school were in shock like why didn't they ever become friends with Jacob. People also looked on me like I was some horrible virus. Maybe they blame me why Jacob went away. That maybe if he did not go away, Jacob might be here and they will have TV exposure. In a few months, Jacob transformed from a YouTube celebrity to a worldwide celebrity. He has offers from TV stations, modeling agencies and recording companies. It hurt him to see Jacob look happy while he was very miserable. What hurt him most was one interview. The host asked him who his best friend is. Somehow, I expected to hear my name. I know it was stupid, but I did. He still was my best friend and he will always be. "Mark Scerbo. My roommate in our boarding school. He goaded me into weight lifting. He was also the one who secretly filmed me singing." He said while laughing. I couldn't even see sadness in his eyes. He was happy. I cried that night again. A lot. I destroyed my friendship with him for nothing. It is funny that I traded his friendship for popularity in a small high school, and that friend I took for granted became famous all over the world. Life is a bitch huh? *** Note again: Next chapter will be six years later. J It Was Always You Ch. 02 NOTE: OMG Guys. Thanks for the feedback. I promise I will try hard to stop the confusing change of POV.J And I really need an editor, can't find one. I tried the list in the website but nobody replied. So, I am saying sorry in advanced for errors and stuff. Also, any volunteers? Send me your email through private feedback and I will send you the new chapter I am working on. I am almost finished with Chapter 3. And yeah, these kinds of story were used a lot but I really like these of stories... So I am writing one. =)) I'm kind of turning into a drama junkie. As for the title, I don't know if I can edit the title, but if you can suggest a better one, please tell me. I really had a hard time deciding. I just settled with it. LOL Chapter 2- The 22 Year Old Virgin Sex Ed Teacher ***** PRESENT DAY. I never planned on coming out to anybody. I never did. But my ass of a roommate in decided to ditch his class and found me masturbating to Jacob's shirtless pictures. Yeah. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life. By that time, Jacob was a successful model and a singer. Jacob only accepted recording and modeling offers. He even refused Simon Cowell's offer to replace Zayn Malik in One Direction! He still prioritized his studies so he chose projects that wouldn't take too much of his time. I heard that he got into fucking Harvard! Me? I was lucky I got into state university. I got there with athletic scholarship for football. I played a few games with them until I injured my back in my first year. That was the end for me. They say I could still play but halfway through my recovery, I just lost my enthusiasm. I started taking my majors seriously by then. Took more AP classes and added more load. I finished a year early. It wasn't really that bad. Some of my teammates were very accepting especially the quarterback. Well, he was fucking the Running Back so who was he to hate on me? Some kept to themselves. At least they knew better. Our university was very accepting of the GLBT and very non tolerant of discrimination. I really didn't date much on college. They never lasted. Either I was emotionally unavailable or was not willing to put out. There were times they tried to get past 2nd base with me, though I also tried really hard to, but were unsuccessful. Either I didn't get hard or I only thought of Jacob that time and it just felt became uncomfortable. At 22, I am still a virgin. And ironically, I am the sex-ed teacher at the local high school. *** I woke at the sound of broken beer bottle. Beer is my friend whenever the remnants of my bitch of an injury decide to visit me. It doesn't happen often but whenever she visits, she does not let me sleep. Beer numbs the pain for me. I looked at my table clock to check the time. 4 AM. Great. Four hours of sleep for the first day of classes. Good luck to the kids. Cranky Kyle it is today. I put on my slippers and went for the dust pond and the broom. I quickly rid of the bottle and threw it on the bin. I'm still living at my childhood home. My parents have moved to a new home two years ago. I chose to stay as I got a job as a Sex-Ed teacher and assistant football coach in my high school. I opened the window to let the cold morning air seep inside. Something caught my eye. There's light in the empty Ashford house. I closed my eyes and opened it again to confirm it. No light. I guess it was the beer. I grabbed my phone and I went downstairs to make my morning coffee and usual PB and J sandwich. It's gross but when you never learned to cook, you have no right to complain. Since there are still no newspapers delivered, I got one of Jacob's books on the shelf. He left a lot of things in my house and I never really bothered to return them or rather I kept them for memories. Jacob was kind of a YA junkie back then aside from his usual science books. He read Andrew Smith, David Levithan and others. I enjoyed Andrew Smith's weird ideas in his books though. Who thought discovering you are bisexual while you are under attack by an alien race of sexually starved giant grasshoppers was fun to read? I read until my phone alarmed, informing me that I need to take my morning shower. Oh the joys of living alone. You need not share the hot water to anyone. The image of Jacob in underwear came to my mind as I rub my body. He modeled for Calvin Klein this summer. I remembered the fullness in that underwear. I know it was not the photoshop. Jacob always filled his underwear. I do know from secret glances when he wore a speedo one summer after I dared him to. I imagined Jacob growing hard and he was massaging it with his right hand while looking at me. Then he bit his lip while his left hand began to pinch his nipples. I got hard. I grabbed my hard cock slowly stroked it. Each of his moans in my imagination was followed by mine. "Fuck me Jacob please?!" I plead as I slipped my middle finger on my hole. I moved my hips as I imagined him plowing me with his cock. I slipped more of my finger and explored my still to be violated ass. I gasped as I found the heavenly prostate. I pressed it and my all my nerves awoken. My moan resonated in the shower. "Fuck me harder Jake! Harder" I plead again as I slipped another finger and pressed harder. I picked up speed until I felt it - the heavenly feeling before you cum. I continue bobbing my hand up and down until I felt my width widen. I stroked my cock faster and pressing on my spot. A few seconds later, I let it go. "Shit! Shit! Oh Jake!" I moaned as I relish on the blissful feeling. I felt my knees weaken. My eye began to tear up. My mind started imagining things about what Jacob and I would be doing if our plans to be together came true. Maybe we would be humping like bunnies or staying late watching our favorite movies while making out. "Fuck it." I said as I turned the knob for Hot water to turn it off. The warmth was replaced by cold. At least, my thoughts on what ifs were flushed by my mind to cope with the sudden drop of temperature. I grabbed the soap and started cleaning myself. I quickly finished my shower and went to iron my clothes and prepare my things. *** I purposely missed the early teachers meeting on the first day of the school. One thing to remember when you are from my school is to never attend meaningless meetings with Principal Sorensen. The guy was beyond corny and boring. I wonder why nobody has petitioned for his resignation. After parking my car, I went straight to the main building to get my schedule. I smiled as I enjoyed the temporary quietness in these halls. I quickly made way to the registrar for my schedule. As I walked towards the exit, someone called me. "Kyle! Wait!" I groaned. It's the unmistakable annoying voice of Rob. He is a math teacher in our high school. We were employed to the school at the same time. Unluckily, he befriended me. I don't want to have an enemy in the work force so I ignore him most of the time. "Hi Rob!" I greeted him with fake enthusiasm. I wonder why he doesn't get it. "You missed the meeting again." "I guess." I planned to, you blithering idiot! "Won't you ask what happened?" "Should I?" "Maybe." "No. I don't want to -" "So the thing is Mr. Cooper is not fit to return to work." Mr. Cooper is the AP Computer Science teacher. He figured in an accident last month. It was nasty. "I know." "And... Dun dun dun!" I rolled my eyes at his stupid sound effects. "Will you just fucking tell me?" "So, it's still a secret but Mr. Sorensen said that a group of Top universities picked graduate students to teach high school students for a few months and our high school will participate. The guy has not arrived yet. But Mr. Sorensen says he is really good and a model student. He said he used to study here before. I heard that he is taking up his Masters in Computer Science in Harvard." "So? Why do I need to know that?" "Well, you know, we all know you haven't found your special someone so, they want you to know that you can try to date him. It won't be against school policy." "Stop minding my relationship status you pricks!" "Coach Everett told us. And you really need to get laid man. You are cranky." And you need a big black dick in your mouth! I gave him my I-am-going-to-kill-you eye. "I'm just kidding man. Look, there is a shortage of offices in the main building. Seeing as there is an extra table in your office, maybe the new guy can sit with you." Sure. As long as it is not you, I'll be fine. Robbie did not stop talking till we got to the athletic building. I slammed the door at his face before he could assault my ears gain. I sat on my chair and look at my schedule. I have Health and Sex Ed in the morning and Phys Ed before football practice. That'll do. I quickly went for the door to attend my class. *** Meeting the new kids always made me feel fluttery. I haven't got used to it. Last year, I nearly threw up. Thankfully, other teachers in my department were helpful. There was that doubt in my mind that maybe I forgot how to teach, or maybe I am not good enough. Even if being voted as The Best teacher did not help. *** Cafeteria food is the worst. I badly need to learn how to cook but I am too lazy to try to learn. I took my lunch and headed to the teachers' lounge. Brad, Clay and Tyler were there when I arrived. We belong to same department. They are my senior and part of the football coaching staff too. "Dude, you had months to learn how to cook or you will have to eat the same nasty stuff all year round." Brad voiced out his concern. "Sorry mom." I replied. I set my food to the table and sit. "So, you heard that you are rooming with the new temporary teacher." Clay started the conversation. "Yeah, I didn't really want to hear it but Mr. No Boundaries told me anyway." "You want us to scare him to avoid you?" Tyler offered. "Nah, I don't want an enemy in the school." "I wonder why Ivy League schools decided to waste their time on high schools." "Probably to attract more students that will fall for their student loan trap." "Thank God for Football Scholarship." We all nodded. All three of them graduated with football scholarship. They were football jocks from their past high school like me. Thank God, they were very liberal and accepting when they learned that I am gay. I thought they were going to kill me. *** Football was a bitch. Coach Everett was even crankier than me plus a woman with PMS. The guys were slow; some were out of shape. Moreover, some of the new ones answered back when he got angry with them. It was a total disaster. Clearly, someone other than me needs to get laid. I wasn't spared either from his mouthful. He nearly had me crying at the end of training. I quickly made my way to my office and took my things. I'm gonna go home before coach sees me again. *** I got an overwhelming urge to open my windows that night. It's not even hot. I looked at Ashford's lawn and saw a hooded figure walking from the house towards the gate. It was pretty dark and the guy was wearing black. I can't see the face. There have been thieving cases in the town lately. So, as a good citizen, I am going to catch him. Hurt him if he tries to fight back. I went downstairs and waited behind a wall for the guy to get out of the gate. I took a peek to check what direction he is going to. Fortunately, he is coming this way. The moment he got past me, I jumped him. I hastily put him in a headlock. I didn't realize he was a size bigger than me. It was actually awkward but I must not let go. "Don't fight back or I'll break your neck, you thief!" The thief answered. "Why the fuck will I rob my own house?!" His voice shook me to the core. I let go. An overwhelming feeling of familiarity and warmth cloaked me. I felt butterflies on my stomach. My bones weaken. My cock hardened. "J-Jacob?" He looked at me. What I saw was a cold pair of eyes. The uneasiness in my stomach became pain. My bones rattled. My cock softened. The familiarity was washed through by that cold stare. It pierced through me like it was trying to kill me inside. "What?!" He asked. "I-I..." Shit! "Stop wasting my time, Matthews." He fixed his rumpled clothes and walked away. I stared at his figure until I can no longer see him. I sat on the patio contemplating what has happened. Why? Why can't I say it? I muffled my hair and went back inside my house. I thought that when I see him, it would all be okay again if I say sorry. But when I looked into his eyes, I realized sorry is not enough. When I looked into his eyes, it's as if a Dementor sucked all the happiness inside me and pulled my soul out. It just came to me how awful he must have felt during those times that I stopped being friends with him. Yes, I didn't bully him. But I completely ignored him. I broke his heart. No. I pulled it outside, tore it apart and stomped on it. I destroyed every last fiber of the man I loved. The sadness I felt inside all these years intensified. My chest tightened. I went inside my house and straight to my room. I lay upon my bed. I stare at the ceiling for a short time. Then my tears began to fall and I cried myself to sleep. *** I was cranky yesterday, I am miserable today. It's only the second day of the school year but it already feels like hell.. I slept a lot unlike yesterday, but my eyes were very swollen. I put on a sun glass to hide it. Better to be accused of having a hangover than crying. I went to school early, mostly to avoid being the talk of anyone. *** I received a text from Mrs. Robertson, Sorensen's secretary. 'Principal wants 2 see u. Sumthing 2 do w/ temp Teacher.' I groaned. Why me? Why can't it be loquacious Robbie? I quickly made way to his office. Back to back days of bad days will surely motivate a teacher. *** "It's awfully early to have a hangover, don't you think so Kyle?" Mrs. Robertson asked. I ignored her and entered the office. Sorensen is alone. Two chairs in each side were unoccupied. "Hi there Kyle, please sit." I sat on the chair on the right. "So, I guess you received Susan's text?" I didn't respond. Isn't it that obvious? I avoid you like the plague old man. "Well, I just want you to give him a tour and I want you to make him feel welcome." "So, who is this-" The door opened. "Here he is!" Sorensen exclaimed. I turned to see who the new teacher - Fuck! Fuckity! Fuck! Throw a shit there too! "Mr. Ashford, this is Mr. Matthews. He will be showing you your way around the school." Jacob offered me his hand for a shake. I looked up to see him smiling. His eyes tell a different feeling though. I've know Jacob all my life. His eyes were very expressive. One look into his eyes and you will see his very soul. The moment I grabbed his hand a bolt of pleasure attacked me. My cock was hard immediately. My face blushed. Thankfully, I still have my sunglasses. I was teary eyed. After all these years, I still have the same reaction to him when we touch skin to skin. I looked into his eyes and I know he has the same reaction. It didn't last though. It turned to anger. I quickly removed my hands from his grip. I smiled at him, half-fake, half enthusiastic. "Mr. Matthews will be with us until the end of our first term. He will be teaching AP Computer Science. He is part of the program in encouraging the youth to pursue careers in Science and Engineering. He is a graduate student in Harvard." Sorensen babbled. He turned to me. "Please refrain from being your cranky self and make him feel welcome. Who knows, maybe he has a friend who will finally knock you off your feet." He turned to Jacob. "Kyle has been single since forever you see." Sorensen joked. Jacob raised his right eyebrow. "Sorry. I didn't mean to tattletale." "It's okay Principal Sorensen. Robbie would have told him anyway." "Oh yes. Mind you, avoid Robbie when you can. He is very loquacious." "Thank you for the warning." Jacob laughed. It was a sincere laugh. Sorensen looked at his watch and turned to me. "Kyle, will you show Jacob his way around the school?" "Yes sir." *** Jacob didn't say any word during the tour I gave him. It was awkward. The only consolation to it was the amusing reaction from the female and gay students. Some were shocked. Some were happy. Some were too happy. Some even fainted. Who would have thought that a supermodel and a singer would actually teach at their school? The tour ended when we reached the athletic building. Finally, we came to our office. "This will be our office for the term." "Our office?" He grimaced. "Yes. There is a shortage of space in the main building so they decided to put you here." He nodded. I showed him his table as we entered our office. He set his things in his table and relaxed for a while. I tried to start a conversation. "So, you took computer science. I always thought you would be a chemist." He didn't answer my question. He just opened his bag and took out a macbook. This is nice. We were minding our own businesses when Robbie came barging in. "Hi— What the fuck! J-J-Jacob Ashford?" Robbie was white as hell. "Jacob, this is Robert Hughes. Robert, This is Jacob. He is the temporary AP Computer Science teacher." "W-w-ould you mind if I take a selfie with you?" "Sorry but I must decline." Jacob answered. I smirked. "Why?" Robbie cried defeated. "If you upload that in social media, people will know I am here. The routine of the kids will be disrupted. This town will be terrorized by the media. Is that what you want?" Jacob said calmly. "Oh. Okay. What about an autograph?" "Okay." "So, how do you find the school?" "It's still the same. I studied here until sophomore year. Nothing much has changed." "How's Kyle treating you? Has he been cranky around you yet?" "No." "Well, if you have gay friends, maybe you can arrange a date with Kyle. And you know, one time, when he was drunk at the bar, he admitted that he is still a virgin." Robbie tattled. All the color in my face disappeared. "He said, wanted his best friend to pop his cherry. I don't really see him hanging out much with anyone except Brad, Clay and Tyler. Let alone a bestfr—" I threw a book at him and got him in the shoulder. "GET OUT ROBBIE!" I roared. "But I am -" "I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!" I stood and faced him with a menacing look. Robbie scrambled out of our office. I wasn't able to relax though. I felt Jacob's eyes pierce through me. I looked at him but then he turned to his computer. I took out the latest installment of Brandon Sanderson's The Reckoners. I tried to read the first paragraph but my eyes keep wandering to Jacob's face. I did not realize that I was staring at him until he said something. "Do you need something?" "Uhm sorry? I wasn't paying attention. What was your question again?" I asked. "I asked you if you need something." "Oh." I went silent for a minute. I looked at him in the eye. His eyes were neutral. Not a trace of emotion in there. "Jacob, a-about s-six years ago..." He tensed. But there is no real change in the expression in his eyes. "I am sorry. I know that I hurt you a lot back then. I was stupid. I am stupid. I chose something that didn't really matter over you. I regret those decisions that I have made." I am surprised that I am able to hold back my tears. He looked at me again. His eyes are still expressionless. It Was Always You Ch. 02 "I'm sorry I ignored you during those times. But it killed me too, you know. Finally I was making my dad happy so I continued to play football and ignore you. I only realized that I made a fool out of myself when I learned that you left. I didn't even get to tell you how sorry I am. I know sorry is not enough for you to accept my apologies but I am willing to do anything just to be friends with you again Jake." Jacob grabbed his Macbook and went out. He didn't even look at me. I screamed out of frustration. It Was Always You Ch. 03 Chapter 3-Googling How to Move On KYLE Jacob was laughing with the guys at the lounge when I arrived. It felt awkward. It's like I wanted to sit with them but I didn't want to sit with them. I was about to walk out the door when Brad saw me. "Yo Kyle!" He called out. "Hey," I replied as I approached them. Jacob's expression transitioned from jolly to serious. "I see you've met the guys. So, how's class Jacob?" I asked. I almost stuttered. "It was fine. Though, some girls looked at me in a very disturbing way." He chuckled. I can sense in his voice that he was distressed while talking to me. "Looks like you got competition for Best Teacher, Mr. Matthews." Tyler joked. "Hey, they looked at me like that, too when I first taught here. It was worse, they even stalked me home." The guys laughed. "I remember. You had to tell them you were gay to stop them from following you to your house." We all laughed. "I guess I have to tell them I'm gay too." Jacob said seriously. I coughed. "Nah. You don't have to." The guys advised. "But I am." Jacob insisted. He looked at me briefly, then he looked down. Brad looked at me next. He was clearly puzzled by Jacob's comment. "For real?" Brad asked. "Yes. I've been gay since high school. I only came out during college, though." "Wow. Will it affect your career?" "My non important singing career, maybe, but my modeling career won't be affected." "Well, that's good." Brad smiled at Jacob. Then he looked at me. I cut my eye contact with him. There was silence for a minute. "So, let's play a game. Each of us will tell our favorite memories from childhood," Clay suggested. "Oh God. You just want to tell your story about that bobcat that nearly killed you again, don't you?" Brad exasperated. "Nope. Not that," Clay denied. We glared at him. "Fine. It's that story." He admitted. Clay rolled his eyes. "Fine. First Kiss." Shit. Clay started. "Jen Goodeman, my first girlfriend." "Anne Polecki," Tyler added. "What about you, Jacob?" Brad asked. Then he looked at me. "Well, he was my first best friend." "Wow." Brad commented. "So, what happened?" Brad dug for more information. "Well, he was a jock and I was the science nerd. He even admitted to me that he "loved" me. I guess those things in the movies never really happen. I guess he just pulled a prank on me." "What an asshole," Brad commented. It's as if he was directly saying it to me. "Sometimes it really happens in real life," I shyly added. "It didn't for me," Jacob said bitterly. *** Brad entered my office with a large grin on his face. "Hey." Jacob sat on Jake's arm chair. "Hey." "Sooooo, you want to tell me something?" I paused to contemplate if I should. "Come on, brotha. I know you wanted to devour him as soon as you entered the cafeteria." I sighed. I knew I wouldn't be able to hide anything from Brad. The guy is like an empath. "So you know Jacob went to this high school, yeah?" "Cut the crap. I already know those things." I breathed deep. "I was Jacob's best friend." Brad nodded. "So, what happened? Did you just prank him or what?" "No. It wasn't like that. I just fucked everything up when I was drafted to the football team. I was stressed with dad urging me to do better at everything and with the football guys giving me the shit for being best friends with Jacob. So I just cut back the time I spent with him until I didn't realize that I completely cut him away. I wasn't even happy spending time with the jocks and other popular kids. I hated it. I ignored his calls, texts, and emails. Then during that summer, he moved away without saying goodbye. I've hated myself ever since. I didn't get to say how much I regretted it. I never got the chance to say that I love him." I didn't realize that I was crying. Brad patted me. The door opened and Jacob entered the room. He saw me crying. "Is this a bad time?" He asked "No. I'm just comforting Kyle here." "Oh. What happened?" Jacob asked, "Well, apparently his one true love came back to town and doesn't want him." Jacob just nodded. Brad stood up and went for the door. "I'm going to leave now. Ciao ladies." *** When Jacob wasn't here, my thoughts would always drift to him and me kissing. Now that he is here, it drifts to me and him going down on each other. I'm always hard whenever he is around. He is like a personal walking bottle of pheromones to me. Thankfully, my mind right now is pre occupied with my syllabus and the photocopies. I was counting my copies when Jacob entered the room. My mind turned to those worldly thoughts and forgot at which number I stopped. DAMN IT! I noticed Jacob looking pretty clueless with the photocopy machine. It was probably because the labels have faded. "You need help?" I offered. It turns out I am right. He doesn't know which button to press since the labels have faded. I taught him which buttons are which and started the copying. "Kyle..." Jacob called me. "Yes?" I fought to keep my enthusiasm from showing. "You don't have to be nice to me, Kyle. We both know this sucks and is awkward as hell. I wouldn't even consider going to this school if I knew you were here." Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Quadruple Ouch. "I want to, Jacob. I want to be friends with you again. We may not become as close as before but I'll take what you can give. I've missed you so much, Jake. I'll apologize continuously until you completely forgive me. I don't care if it takes forever." He took his copies and he went for the door. *** My mind was drifting elsewhere as I lectured to the kids. It wasn't going anywhere so I dismissed them early and just gave them some reading materials. Jacob was packing his things when I entered the office. "Jake - can we talk?" "It's not a good idea, Kyle." "I want to apologize again." "For what now, Kyle?" "For everything." "I get it, Kyle." "No you don't. I've been out for years and I am not afraid anymore. I don't care what my dad thinks of me and I only care for what makes me happy now. I am not afraid to show the world how much I love you." He remained silent. "I know you don't deserve to deal with this or any of my shit but I hope that we can try to at least be friends." I finished on a whimper. "Friends?" Jacob said bitterly. "Maybe we could start over again, Jacob." "No, Kyle. It just won't work. Besides, were only going to be co-workers for a few months. I'm not going back here again after." "Why?" I cried. "Cause you broke my heart, Kyle. You left it in pieces! For years, I lost my self-esteem, my pride, my ego, everything! I fucking struggled to get them back. I was afraid of getting into a relationship because of the trauma you caused me. I was afraid for years because I don't want to go through that pain you put me through again. I thought I meant something to you, Kyle. I thought you loved me. I gave myself completely to you. I even thought we were going to get married. We made plans during our sophomore year and you just dropped me like a hot potato. You were my best friend back then, Kyle. You were my lover. And you chose to trample all over me." The tone of his voice was filled with sadness and regret. "You mean the whole world to me, Jacob. I couldn't love anybody else. I've tried dating other people but my thoughts and my heart always go back to you. I can't even have sex with them. I destroyed myself, too." "Just leave me alone, Kyle. Just -" "Ja - " "I said no. I don't want to do this. I don't. Just go." *** Days passed by like a blur. I felt so weak and defeated. I'd hardly eaten or gotten some sleep. I spent much of my time in the main building and avoided my office like the plague. I didn't want to spend my time near Jacob. It's been too painful for me to see him. I was hurting so bad. The only time we spent together is when we are in the same hallway. He would look at me and I would look down. I didn't want to look at his eyes. Headaches and body pains were recurrent. I drank more and more to numb the pain. I'd become irritable and unenthusiastic. Everything was dragging. I was alone in the cafeteria. I was eating after the designated lunch time. I was trying to eat the nasty food when Brad found me. "Are you all right?" Brad asked. "Yeah. Why?" "Cause normally you would have finished your food by now. You have also been avoiding spending time with us. And I can smell a hint of alcohol on your breath. Are you drunk right now?" His words did not come to me at all. I was too preoccupied by my thoughts on the knife he has. If I cut myself, how long till I feel completely nothing? Brad quickly hid the knife out of my view. "Jesus, Kyle." He was flustered. "Why don't you say something to me?" I stood up. I didn't want him or anyone here. I just wanted to be alone. Brad pulled me down again before I could take my first step. "What the hell!?" I yelled. Instead of answering back, he hugged me. I felt the overwhelming urge to let loose. Thankfully, people cannot see inside the lounge. I would die of embarrassment if they saw me crying. "Is this about him?" Brad asked. I didn't answer. Involving Jacob will just complicate things. "When you're ready, tell me everything, okay? Letting it bottle up inside you won't do any good." He let go of me and muffled my hair. "I won't force you this time, Kyle. But if you don't fix your shit right away, I'm carrying you to the shrink." I laughed. It was the first time that I laughed. I felt lighter. It wasn't a total fix but crying it out really helped me feel better. "Thanks, Brad." He smiled at me. The smile let me know that it isn't the end of the world for me. I'll try to move on. *** Two Days Later (Saturday) @ 7AM. I was holding a box full of Jacob's things. I was at his front door and trying to gather strength to talk to him. This would be the last thing I do before I tried to move on. I took a deep breath and knocked. Jacob was shocked to see me. "Uhm... Hi." "Kyle, if this is about us again, you are wasting your time." "Please, just listen to me for a minute." "Fine. What is it." "First things first, I'm here to return your things." I handed him the box and went on. "These are your books and some of your clothes you left in my house." I took a deep breath again. My tears began to fall. "This is the last time I'll ask for your forgiveness, Jake. Again, I apologize. I know my presence still makes you remember the pain and I am sorry for that. I give up. I give up the hope that someday we'll get married and that be happy. I give up the hope that someday we can become best friends again. I give up the hope that we can at least be friends. But I will not give up the hope that someday you'll forgive me." Instinctively, I grabbed his face and planted a long kiss on his lips. Though it was quick, it shocked me to the core. I smiled and left before all the courage I had mustered to move on crashes and burns. I fought with all my heart the urge to look back. Now, I'm ready to move on, albeit painfully. *** I did the first thing anyone would do when they decide to move on. I googled it. I clicked on links on how to do it and give me insights - like 'take up a new hobby', 'spend more time with friends', and ultimately, 'try seeing someone new'. I decided to try 'spending more time with friends'. I took my phone and texted the guys to see if they wanted to hang out. After a minute, all of them declined with having things to do. This is harder than I thought. I faced the computer again to see the next item: 'take up a new hobby'. I remembered that the guys had said that I needed to learn how to cook. Maybe that's a good thing for me to focus on. After all, I need to recover all the nutrients I lost the last few days. To my luck, there is a beginner's cooking class in the Recreation Center in two hours. Immediately, I cleaned up myself, dressed myself, and drove to the class. *** It was funny to see that all my classmates in the cooking class were kids. I thought the class was for adults who really don't know how to cook. The teacher was a delightful, middle aged woman. Not surprisingly, the first lesson was how to turn on the stove without burning the house down. I was more thankful that the stove we were using is similar to the one I have at home. After a few minutes of lessons on how to not endanger you or anyone else while cooking, we finally started the cooking lessons. We were ordered to partner up. My partner was cute little girl named Sarah. She has blonde hair, green eyes, rosy cheeks, and two missing front teeth. I absolutely adored her when she shyly approached me. "Hewwow Mithtur. Can you pwease be my partner?" I smiled at her. "You had me at hello." I replied. She giggled. We made some simple recipes and ate them together. I hadn't had fun like this in a while. I was already looking forward to the next session. The only thing I did not like is that it is only once a week on a Saturday. I walked with her to the waiting area and waited for her parents to arrive. I learned that she only has a dad now. Her mom died at child birth. She is now 6 and is in the first grade. It wasn't long till her dad arrived. He was a handsome man. His name was Gauge. He was over six feet tall. He had broad shoulders, green eyes and blonde hair like Sarah. His beard was carefully trimmed. I could tell he goes to a barbershop to have it styled. He was nice. He was very warm and very intelligent. I actually enjoyed talking to him. He is an engineer and owns a construction company. He gave me his card and winked before he walked away. I visited a few places that spark my interest before going to the grocery. I can't believe that you can get lost in a grocery store. Before, I only went to one section, bread and spreads. It's fun though. Different foods I never knew existed sparked a new interest in me. I got home at 10. It was an exhausting drive but worth it. It was a good day, or so I thought. As I was walking to my door, I saw Brad, Clay, and Tyler coming out of Jacob's gate. I guess they didn't know we are neighbors. After all, I never brought them to my house. They were white as hell when they saw me. I smiled bitterly and hurriedly opened my door and locked it. So much for spending more time with your so called friends. *** I took an early lunch to avoid the guys and Jacob. The only living soul aside from me there was Robbie. I hadn't seen Robbie for quite a while and I felt guilty for shouting at him. I went to his table and sat across him. "Hey Rob, I just want to say sorry for shouting at you that one time." "Sure. I'm sorry too. I know sometimes I can't keep my mouth shut." "It's alright. We all have issues." "Thanks. How's rooming with Jacob, by the way?" "I don't know." "Why?" "Well he doesn't really talk to me so I only put my things there and avoid going to the room at all cost." "Oh. I thought it was because you had a thing back then in high school. It's been a rumor recently. I heard some of the older teachers talk about it." "Oh. Well, whatever." I tried to get to know my annoying colleague for real this time. Robbie was hilarious. It turns out we have a lot in common, too. He even invited me for Karaoke with the younger Math teachers. In turn, I invited him to the cooking class. He laughed so hard when I told him about the kids. We were having a good laugh when the Jacob and the guys entered. I tried hard to not look uncomfortable and I casually went back to my conversation with Robbie. Robbie must have sensed it and invited me for a coffee in the Match teachers' faculty room. I felt their eyes bore through me as I walked behind Robbie to the door. "Thanks." I muttered to Robbie when we were away from the lounge. "Anything for a friend. So, where are you going now?" "I really don't know. Wait for class I guess." "Okay. I'll head to our department's office now." "All right, see you." *** My nap was cut short when the office door opened. Jacob was back. I stood up and gathered my things. I kept my head down to avoid his gaze or gazing at him. I was about to open the door when I heard him speak. "Kyle..." I breathed deep before answering. "Yeah?" I was still looking down. I refused to look at him. I was afraid that one glance at him and my task of moving on would shatter to oblivion. "You don't have to make yourself scarce in this office for me. I mean it is yours and I am just temporary." "I wasn't doing it for you, Jake. I was doing it for me." "I see. And the guys, it's -" "It's okay, Jacob. They are your friends too. I don't have the right to stop them from spending time with you." "All right. Maybe you can come with us sometime." "You don't to do that have, either, Jacob. I know you hate me. We would both just be miserable if we were together." *** Friday Night It was a night filled with booze and drugs. Kidding. Just booze. We are party animals but not hardcore. I just finished singing Michael Learns to Rock's 25 Minutes. I like the 90's. Patricia, the algebra teacher is currently singing Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl. Annie, the other Algebra teacher played along with her by dancing. Some of the guys started yelling 'KISS' and I joined in. Not failing the request, Annie gave Patricia a quick smack in the lips. "What the hell was that? I need to see some tongue action!" Robbie jokingly yelled. The guys followed in chanting 'TONGUE.' I guess the girls were pretty boozed as they actually gave us a live make-out session. We, including the other girls, hooted. The boys were sad when the song ended. "You're lucky." Robbie said to me. "Why?" "Cause you didn't have to feel sad when that ended." "Fuck you," I laughed "In your dreams," he said back. "More like nightmare." "Ass,." he quipped back. Patty sat beside me and asked a question. "So, Kyle, there's a rumor going on school that you and Mr. Hot Model were lovers in high school. Is that true?" "No." I denied it. I really didn't want to drag his name in this issue. If I said yes, I'm sure that this would be the gossip in the entire school. "They said you were pretty close." "When we were kids, yeah, but we ran in different circles when we started high school." "That's a shame you didn't become a couple. You two really would look good together." I smiled. She raised her eyebrows. "You like him, don't you?" She asked. I was tempted to say that I actually love him but thank God I still have my inhibitions. I had opted to be alcohol free tonight since I have a secret cooking class. "Who doesn't?" I replied. "You're right. That hunk is so dreamy. Too bad, he bats for your team." Jacob announced that he was gay the morning the guys suggested it. Soon the girls didn't really follow him anymore. They were just content to eye the candy in front of them. I chuckled. *** We'd said goodbyes to each other by midnight. Some opted to go to get Chinese food and some like me opted to go home. I have no one close by so I went alone. There was someone slouched in my car. I walked fast to find out who he was. I have 911 in speed dial. It was the man I have dreamt of all these years. His face was so pleasant to look at. Before I could think of earthly ideas, I shook him to wake him up. "Jacob, wake up." It Was Always You Ch. 03 He opened his eyes and smiled. He reeked of alcohol. The way he looked at me was a dead giveaway that he is so far drunk, he would have sex with me in the car. "Hey, handsome." He hugged me. I was almost dragged to the floor as he lost his footing while doing so. Thank God I was able to hold him. He tried to kiss me but I didn't let him. "What the hell are you doing here, Jacob?" "I don't know. *hic I followed you, I gue- *hic!" "Did you bring your car?" "I didn't *hic bring a car. I took a cab." "Okay. Jesus, you are heavy." I supported him as we walked to the other side of my car. "You still smell good, Kyle." He hugged me and kissed my neck. My mouth fucking betrayed me and moaned. "Jacob, stop." He didn't stop. I forcefully escaped from his hug and opened the door. I guided him to the seat and put his seatbelt on. I closed the door and went to my side. I put on my seatbelt and started the car. He began to cry. I turn in his direction and asked him why he was crying. "Because you don't want me. You never wanted me. You lied. You won't even let me kiss you now," he cried. "Jacob, that's not true." "Then kiss me." "No." "See. You don't even want to kiss me." "That's not true, Jacob. I do. I want to kiss you so badly." "Then why?!" he hoarsely cried. "Because you are fucking drunk right now, Jacob! And I don't want you regretting it when you sober up!" "Who say's I will regret it?" "Let's see if you even want to talk to me when you're sober." "I want to fuck your tight ass." As much as I wanted to indulge him, I ignored his dirty talk. The drive was full of things that he wanted to do to me like fucking me in our office and in the computer lab. I was so fucking hard it hurt. The front of my jeans was soaked in pre-cum. I had to restrain him a couple of times because he wanted to give me a blowjob while I was driving. I brought him to my room. The other rooms weren't clean enough. I went to the bathroom to get some warm water. Jacob was lying there peacefully. I so badly want to cuddle him but I knew it was not right. I don't have the heart to take advantage of him. I took off his shirt and his pants. I laid them on the chair beside my bed. I took a face towel, a clean shirt, and shorts from the cabinet and proceeded to wash him. After that painfully arousing washing, I dressed him. I made a detour to the bathroom and took a bath myself. The moment I touched my dick, I came. It was a lot. *** I was cooking some banana pancakes when I heard footsteps from upstairs. I turned to see Jacob dressed in his clothes from last night. "Good morning," I smiled. "Uhm, good morning. Listen, I'm sorry if I bothered you last night, Kyle." "It's okay, Jacob." "Please forget about what I said or did last night." "You shouldn't drink that much." "I didn't." "You did, Jacob. You couldn't even walk last night. You could have been mugged or killed!" "Sorry," he muttered, shyly. I handed him a cup of coffee and a platter of pancakes. "Drink and eat up. And I am not taking no for an answer, Jacob." I grabbed my own plate of pancakes and joined him in the table. I suddenly imagined how we would look like if we were married and were happy instead of miserable with each other. He looked distracted and pained at the same time. "Do you have a hangover?" I asked "No. I only get drunk and I don't really get that much of a hangover." Jacob looked uneasy. He took a deep breath. "Kyle... Thank you for bringing me home last night." "It's ok." "The reason I was there was because I followed you." "I know. But I'm listening," I said cockily. "I followed you because I realized that I would never be happy if I never forgave you. And it couldn't wait. I thought what if something happens to you or me and I'm not able to forgive you. Either way, we both wouldn't be at peace for the rest of our lives. When I saw you in that karaoke bar, I realized that I couldn't bring myself to tell you so I borrowed the powers of alcohol. But I was too stupid to drink it all. So, before I chicken out again, I want to say that I forgive you, Kyle." Tears began to well up in my eyes. I stood up and walked to his side and hugged him tight. "Thank you, Jacob." It Was Always You Ch. 04 NOTE: Hi gays and girls. I'm back! LOL. Sorry for the very long delay. I had a one man project at work that prevented me from writing this chapter. I have been rewriting this one for the past few days and finally finished it. Also, I don't know when I can pass the next chapter so... I will just surprise you. Kyle I thought it would be easier dealing with Jacob. I was wrong. It was very hard for me to move on. I was spending more and more time with him in school and we hang out with the guys after. Then Jacob started bringing Seth around - his boyfriend of two weeks. No one knew about him. Of course, I was fucking jealous. He's a nurse at a private hospital in the city. And he's a douche. Anyone who is romantically associated to Jacob, except me, is a douche. I wanted to punch his smugly face. I knew then that I'd have to distance myself from them. I started 'volunteering' for nonexistent school works. I needed to keep myself 'busy' to take Jacob out of my mind and to justify my wanting to not spend time with him. In reality, I was just killing time in the outskirts of town. Some weekends, I went to a cooking class then drove out of town and returned Sunday evening just so the guys wouldn't be able to force me to hang out. "Where were you again last weekend?" Rob asked me. "Uhhh... I went out of town." "Dude, you're missing the parties, the barbeques, beer..." "Yeah, I know. Sorry." "You really had to sacrifice all that just to avoid Jacob?" I glared at him for being on point. "You know, you can't avoid him for a few more weeks." "I know. But the less time I spend with him, the better." "Well, has it helped you move on in any way?" "I don't know... yet. But I think it will help me feel better - temporarily." "You can't possibly move on by avoiding him like the plague. You're not moving on. You're just running away." Don't I know it? I said in my mind. Years have passed and he's still pretty much the love of my life. How the fuck did I not move on during those years? What the fuck should I do? "Are you even listening to me?" Rob asked. "No," I answered. "Geez. Why don't you date someone else? Meet new people? You know, they say the best way to move on is to find someone new." "Yeah. It's easy to find someone new," I said sarcastically. "Cause you are not looking. Admit it. You're still hoping that Jacob might still love you." "Am not." "Then go out. Meet new people. The only new people you have met were Sarah and her dad. Have you even visited the gay bar?" "Our town has a gay bar?" I asked. Rob rolled his eyes. "Who are you? Where's the cave you came from?" he asked me out of frustration. "I... I've never been inside one" Rob's eyes widened. "Are you fucking serious? Not even during college?" "Yeah." "Oh God. Maybe you ARE hopeless. You're a virgin gay man who has never stepped foot in a gay bar and who is hopelessly in love with his ex best friend who doesn't even want him anymore." "Maybe I should enter the seminary," I suggested. "Aren't you too old for that? And do you even read the bible?" I sighed. "Electroshock therapy it is," I joked. "Who's undergoing Electroshock Therapy?" Jacob's voice boomed from behind. Shit. Even just his voice is enough to make my body shiver. "Nobody," I said. "Oh-kay." Jacob sat beside me. Why the fuck is he here? Go to your boyfriend! Shoo! Shoo! Nobody uttered a single word for a full minute. I decided to focus on my meal; I haven't even finished half of it. Also, I'm still hungry. I want to leave. Fuck it. I stood up and took my lunch tray. "I'm finished," I lied. "See you guys around." I moved to the trash bin and emptied my tray. I made a mistake of looking at Jacob. Our eyes met. He was eyeing me like he was seeing through me. I quickly broke the contact and headed for the door. *** I was sipping on my last beer when someone rang my door bell. Whoever it was pressed it continuously like their life depended on it. It was 10 PM and I have no idea who it was. I opened the door to see Jacob. He seemed to be drunk. "Are you drunk on a Monday night?" "Hell yeah!" he shouted. I shushed him. "Dude, it's late, stop shouting." "Sorry." He flashed me a toothy smile - though he looked stupid. "What are you doing here?" "I dropped my keys somewhere on the overgrown patches in the lawn. Can't find it so... I decided to sleep here tonight." "Wha-!" "Thanks." He let himself in. It was too late for me to protest. He was already occupying in the couch. He didn't look comfortable. He was too big for the couch. I proceeded to try waking him up. "Jake... Jake... Wake up." "I'm trying to sleep, Kyle." "Go sleep in the guest room," I told him. "But -" "No protesting or I'm kicking you out." I walked him to the guest room and tucked him in bed. I took out a bucket and put it beside the bed in case he felt nauseated. I returned downstairs to clean up my mess. After a few minutes, I went upstairs and cleaned myself up. I went to check on Jacob who was peacefully sleeping. I let my defenses down and stared at him longingly. I just chuckled when I realized that this is all that I could do now. I closed the door and went to my bedroom. *** It was nearly midnight when I heard a faint knock on my door. I rose from bed and opened the door to see Jacob holding his pillow. "C-can I sleep here?" Jacob asked. I just nodded because my brain refused to weigh the pros and cons of sleeping beside Jacob. Jacob closed the door and I lead him to bed. He took the right side of the bed. I usually slept sideways facing the other direction. It was too late for me to realize that Jacob's hands snaked around my body. He was now spooning me from behind. He put his head between my neck and my shoulder. The feeling was just too familiar. It was something that my body craved for a very long time. I had no choice but to give in. "Kyle.." "Yeah?" "I really missed you. I missed this. I missed everything we did. I love you." Fuck. He tightened his hug on me. I held his hands tightly. I fought to not turn over. I convinced myself that it's just drunk talk. I silently cried until I fell asleep. *** Jacob was no longer in my bed when I woke up. Was it just a dream? I went to see if he was on the guest room. He wasn't there either. Maybe he went home already. Then I smelled the burning bacon downstairs. I went down to see him cooking shirtless. Fuck. Double fuck. He looked good enough to eat. He turned around and caught me staring. I blushed. "Hey," Jacob greeted me. "Hey," I greeted back. "Here, help yourself." He handed me a plate and put platters of eggs, bacon, and sausages on the table. "Thanks, Jake." "Thanks for last night too," he said as he fix his food. We sat and ate quietly. It was a precious moment for me. This may be the last time I have this moment with him, alone, quiet, and intimate. *** I wasn't able to dodge Rob's birthday party. He invited everyone including Jacob. It was very uncomfortable as it was the first time we've seen each other since he made me breakfast. I made sure that I avoided him that week. I let my guard down and I almost forgot that I was trying to move on. Evidently, Jacob and I fell into Rob's not very obvious planned game. We were forced and trapped in a bedroom in Rob's house and we are not supposed to get out for three hours. "So, we're trapped here," Jacob said. "Yeah." "So, what do you want to do?" "I don't know. Sleep through it I guess." "It'd be easier if we had our phones." "Yeah." Those douche bags certainly planned this. "I heard you haven't brought Seth around lately?" I asked. He just gave me a faint smile. "Are you guys having troubles?" "No." "Okay." "Okay what?" "Okay as in I did not mean to pry." "It's okay. He's really busy these days. I'm also busy with teaching and the Graduate program." "Oh. Well I hope you guys can find the time to spend with each other. That's what people do with who they love, right?" Jacob remained silent for a few minutes before he muttered, "Right." He became distant again for some reason. I got the feeling we're beside each other yet miles apart. I suddenly felt the need to get out of the room. My hands trembled lightly and I began to feel claustrophobic. I began to regret that I did not bring any liquor to the room. If I knew, it would have helped me calm my nerves. I should've just shut up. I began breathing deeply and exhaling slowly. It calmed me a bit but the feeling still had my hands trembling. Jacob saw it and ignored me. He turned in the other direction and laid down. I did the same. I closed my eyes, praying that this would be over soon. *** I woke up from the slight tap on my shoulder. It was Jacob. "Is it over?" I asked him. "Yeah. But I think they've forgotten us. It's been hours," he said calmly. "What the fuck?" I stood up and went for the door. I no longer heard the loud music that was blaring before. "Rob, open this door now!" I smashed on it loudly."Rob! Open it now!" I called angrily partly from being manipulated into the game and from the need to get away from Jacob immediately. After a few minutes, he finally opened it. He was fucking half asleep. "Dude, it's fucking two in the morning." "Obviously. And thanks for locking us up. Thanks for making it more awkward." I saw the others sprawled on the couch, carpet, or wherever they found comfortable. I took my phone from where they put it and headed for the door. *** Rob called me multiple times that Saturday morning. I fucking ignored all of his calls. I turned off my phone as I couldn't take the buzzing anymore. I was seriously pissed at what they had done. Like seriously, they already know that Jacob had a boyfriend. What the heck were they trying to pull? I shut everything out for today and had a date with my DVDs until the evening. I only took a break when I had to pee, shit, or get the door to get the Pizza and Chinese delivery. "Kyle!" someone called from outside, then proceeded to ring the door bell. I deeply regretted that I ignored the first few rings. The person is now raping the button and is irritating the hell out of me. I opened the door violently and screamed. "What!?" Jacob hugged me as soon as I opened the door. He was crying. I couldn't help but hug him as well. After all, he was my best friend and the one I love. Loved, I mean. I hugged him as tight as I could and stroked his back. I lead him inside and had him sat in the couch. I took a six pack from the fridge and brought it to him. I gave him a beer and asked what happened. "You told me last night that we must make time for the people we love, I did that. I visited him in the hospital. I found him lip locked with a doctor." "I knew that dude is a douche bag," I joked. He laughed and lightly punched me on the arm. He moved and sat very close to me on the couch. He leaned his head on my shoulder just like he used to. Then his right hand snaked through my left hand. He was holding my hand intimately, like I was his lover. It made me really uncomfortable but I decided to let him since he was brokenhearted. 'I am only doing this because I am his friend. I am not doing this because I expect more.' I kept telling myself. But as he rubbed his thumb against mine, I felt every feeling I tried to suppress grow. It scared me so I removed my hand from his. He looked at me, worried. "I-I'm sorry. I -" I tried to reassure him but he cut me off. "No. It's my fault. I shouldn't have bothered you." Jake stood up to leave. Without thinking, I grabbed his hand to stop him. "D-don't go." "Why shouldn't I? You don't even want to be around me. You even make stupid excuses to not spend time with me. You just go somewhere on the edge of town to avoid hanging out with us; to avoid me," he said bitterly. "It's not like that, okay? It's not true that I don't want to be around you. I wanted to be around you in a way that I am not supposed to be. I still see you as more than a friend. I still picture us together till we are old, bald, and toothless. But I know that it's not the same with you. Then you started bringing Seth around and I knew that I couldn't spend a minute around the two of you. I wanted to punch a hole though his ugly face. And doing that would only hurt you. I don't want to hurt you again. I'm trying to move on, so I can be friends with you again." I stopped talking and took a deep breath. Jacob sat beside me. "Sometimes I wish we were kids again. I wish we didn't have to grow up so that we could be together always. I wish we didn't have to go through that shit in high school. I wish I wasn't stupid back then and gave you up," I told him. "You know, we can never go back, right? But you know, we can be friends again." "That's why I'm trying hard to move on. " "Then - then, why don't we just spend my remaining time here like we were supposed to be before." "But -" "You can move on after I go back to Massachusetts. I only have a month and a few weeks left, and I really want to spend that time with you. Let's relive the times we were happy. Let's replace the bad memories with good ones. I know we can do that." I nodded at his suggestion. But I wondered whether I would be able to get out of it unscathed. *** "Yow. It's time to go or we'll be late for the movies," Jacob said impatiently. "But I'm not yet finished with the papers." "You can do that tomorrow, Kyle. Come on. Stand up or I'll drag your scrawny ass." "Ugh. You're lucky that you only need to look at computer programs to check the output of your students." I glared at him. He grinned back at me. I stood up to admit defeat. I know I won't be able to hear the end of it if I don't get ready. I arranged the papers and put them in a drawer. I lazily grabbed my bag and dragged my feet. I wanted to tell him that I don't want to see the movie he wanted to see. I didn't want to see another zombie flick. They are plainly annoying. The Walking Dead is already a torture to me. "Come on. Why don't you show some enthusiasm on our first date?" he teased. I rolled my eyes and sighed. Ever since we tried being friends like years ago, he bugged me every time he could. Sometimes, he would come to my house after work and watch a movie, play a game, or test something he is trying to program. Or he'd drag me late at night to play bowling or pool. He'd ring my door bell continuously in the morning until I woke up and opened the door for him. Then he'd bug me to make him breakfast - the heathen. At least he gave me money to buy what he likes from the grocery. He even joined me in the cooking class. He enjoyed making a mess and he looked at Sarah's dad a bit strange. He even told me to stop talking to him. Of course, I didn't do that. It wasn't like this back then. I got the feeling that he just wanted to annoy me. *** He was all smiles when we left the theatre. He really enjoyed the movie. I, on the other hand, wanted to kill him for the wasted 2 hours of my life. Time is precious and it doesn't equate to a bad zombie flick. But to be honest, I really liked seeing him so happy. I hadn't seen him like that for a very long time. "You didn't like the movie?" he asked. "Yeah. I'm tired of zombie flicks." "Oh. Then what do you want to watch?" "Nothing really. Wanna eat?" "Sure. Since we watched the movie I wanted. We'll eat the food you want." "Really?" I smiled with a bit of malice. And so we went to a Thai restaurant. He looked baffled. He always hated Thai food. "I'm sorry I made you watch that zombie flick. Please let's go somewhere else," he said while his head was down. "No can do. I want Thai food right now." "But..." "No buts." "I hate you," he said then pouted. Damn. He looked really cute. Five minutes later, I was devouring my pad thai and he only managed to eat a spoonful. As soon as I finished my pad thai, he gave me his and I finished it. On the way home, I stopped by Pizza Hut and ordered two pizzas. I felt shitty about taking him to the Thai place. His stomach was growling from hunger the entire time and I couldn't take it. My mom would kill me if she found out. She was one of his biggest fans. I felt happy when I saw him smile when we reached the drive-through for pizza. I bought him three pizzas. "How am I supposed to finish these!?" Jacob asked while his mouth was stuffed. "I thought you could. Your stomach's growls were louder than the radio." "Well yeah. You starved me to death with Thai food. You always knew I hated it." "Well you know that I am sick of zombies. And I really feel bad bringing you to the Thai place, okay?" "Sorry. And thanks for the pizza." We were quiet the entire time going home. And by the Gods, he went through two boxes in less than an hour. I felt myself vomiting the pad thai I had earlier. Watching him eat the pizza made me feel that I was full again. I was thinking of never eating pizza again after this. By the time we reached home, only one slice was left. How the fuck had he finished those? Even the crusts were gone! "You want the last piece?" Jacob asked. "No. Looks like you still need it," I vehemently refused. The aroma of the pizza tingled the back of my throat. I felt like vomiting. "Thanks." He happily devoured it. I immediately laid on the sofa when we got home. Jacob soon followed me in. He put my head on his lap. I immediately folded my feet and put the right one over the left to hide my growing erection. This was just too fucking sweet. Jacob began speaking but his pizza breath nauseated me. I covered my nose to prevent vomiting. "What? Does my breath smell bad?" "No. But can you brush your teeth first? Your breath smells like pizza and it's nauseating. There are unused brushes in the cupboard." Five minutes later, he came back and put my head again in his lap. The smell of mint was refreshing. I no longer felt the slight tingle on the back of my throat. "Can I sleep here again tonight?" "Yeah sure. Let me get the -" "Shut it. I'm sleeping beside you." "But -" "Stop saying but or I'll kiss you." *** I was lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling. I was nervous as fuck. Jacob was taking a bath. I really wanted to say 'but' earlier. A thousand times would suffice. Jacob returned in only his boxers. Fuck. I wanted to eat him up right then. He looked so damn beautiful. I wanted to touch him in every immoral way I can think of. 'ButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButButBut' I said to myself. I wished that he was a telepath and that he was reading my mind right then. "You were thinking of saying but, weren't you?" he said. Maybe. I didn't really hear what he said exactly. "What?" I asked. Then he kissed me. "I said what! W-H-A-T!" I protested. "I know," he said. "But -" I slipped and he kissed me. The worst part this time was that I kissed him back... with tongue. Shit. I wanted to pull away but my body clearly did not want me too. In fact, it was eager to answer every kiss. He was now on top of me. I could feel his hard cock pressing against mine. He ground against me with every kiss. He tried to pull away but I would not let him. I was addicted. I held onto him like my life depended on kissing him. It Was Always You Ch. 04 I stopped when I needed air to breathe. I looked at him intently. He seemed to be in deep thought about what transpired. "Sorry," I muttered. I tried to get out of the bed but he stopped me. He pulled me towards him. "I miss this so much, Kyle," he said. He began kissing my neck and then making a trail to my chest. He sucked my right nipple while he pinched the other. His sucking became much harder and then he bit it. I cried out from pleasure and pain. Each flick of his tongue on my nipple sent a jolt to every part of my being. I wanted more. I was so engrossed with the pleasure that I didn't realize that Jacob had me completely undressed. I nearly came when Jacob licked the head of my cock. "Oh fuck. Suck me." It was all I could say while Jacob sucked me. So much pre-cum began to ooze from my slit and Jacob licked it like ice cream. "You taste good," he said. "Uhmmm. Thank you?" He just chuckled and continued to suck on my cock. I shouted when he deep throated me without warning. It was like my soul split from my body. There was so much pleasure and I didn't know how to handle it. I was wriggling in the bed, not knowing where to put my head or arms. The pleasure spread through my body. A bit more suction and I knew that this would end. I didn't want it to end. "Stop, or I'm going to cum," I told him. He ignored me and resumed sucking. It was only a matter of seconds before I did. "I'm cumming! I'm cumming!" I shouted. Jacob tightened his mouth and sucked harder. His tongue was lapping on my shaft. His hands were cupping my sac. I wasn't able to contain the pleasure. It was too much. "You fucking taste good Kyle." Jacob said and then he kissed me. I could taste cum in his mouth. I liked how I tasted. Jacobs's hands cupped my ass. I felt his finger prod my entrance. It was fucking painful. "Am I hurting you?" he asked. "Of course, I'm a virgin, dummy." He suddenly added another finger. The pain shot through me. "Ouch! You jerk!" I said. He chuckled. Then he grabbed me by my neck and pulled me closer to him. He gave me another long kiss to occupy my mind. I didn't even realize that he added another finger. I was so shocked when he touched something inside me. I pulled away from him. "Was that my -" "Yeah." He smiled. He claimed my mouth again as he stretched my hole with his fingers and stimulated my prostate. I could feel my cock drip with pre-cum. "I think you're ready." He kissed me again and withdrew his fingers. He pulled away to get the lube and the condoms. Before he could return, I knelt in front of him and put his cock in my mouth. "What are you- oh shit!" I was gobbling his dick like pro. Thankfully, I don't have a gag reflex. I was amazed at how I easily deep-throated him. "Oh God. Are you sure this is your first time?" "Uh-uh," I said while sucking him. "You're doing great babe." Babe? "But I won't be able to last. I need to fuck you." I stopped sucking and went to bed. He quickly opened a condom and sheathed his cock. Then he proceeded to lube us both. "I'm going in." He said. I tried to relax the muscles in my butt. "Holy shit, it burns!" I said as he entered me. He leaned and kissed me again. He stopped pushing when he was halfway in. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. But I promise, it'll be worth it," he said. A few minutes after, he was completely buried within me. It was painful for a while but as minutes pass by, I only felt full. "You can move now," I informed him. And he did. He was slow at first and then suddenly he sped up until he was pounding me like a jackhammer. I was moaning the entire time he was pounding me. The mixture of little pain and the tremendous pleasure from the prostate had me squealing with delight. "Shit, I'm cumming," I said as I felt the familiar feeling seep through my body. I shot my cum between us. He followed soon afterwards shooting his in the condom. He collapsed on top of me and laid there for a few minutes. He only stood up to get a wet wash towel to clean us up. I laid alone thinking what would happen in the next few days. To be continued...