12 comments/ 24293 views/ 27 favorites Help Me Ch. 01 By: JaycobMatthews Help Me (Nick Carter) "I wish I could define All the thoughts that crossed my mind They seem too big for me to choose I don't know which ones to lose When I'm falling down so far I think I'll never see your light Bouncing off of me Shining down here from your eyes" * James swore he'd never been so sore or hurt in his life. He'd always been a clumsy guy, but as his mom drove him into the emergency room, he still couldn't believe he'd fallen down the stairs. Of course if his Dad hadn't been chasing him, he wouldn't have fallen. And now he was pretty sure he had a bump on his head, and his left wrist and the ribs on his right side hurt like hell. He'd expected his dad to be furious when he told his parents he was gay, but this was a bit over the top. He knew they would be disappointed, but he was used to being the family disappointment. Never tall enough, never athletic enough, never smart enough. It wore you down quite a bit. It was totally liberating to have gone to college and meet new people, and to be able to explore who he was suppose to be. Truthfully, he'd known he was gay before he'd left, had come to terms with it when he was 16, but when you live in a religious household, well, things are better left unsaid. "Well I hope you learned your lesson about upsetting your father." His mom said, interrupting his internal thoughts. "Whatever" James said under his breath like a sullen teenager. "James, maybe you are confused, but don't expect your father to go along with your little joke here." "It's not a joke Mom, seriously." James said staring out the window. "We'll talk about it later." Beverly McMonte said in her 'Don't mess with Mom' voice as they pulled into the emergency room parking lot. James swore under his breath, as his mom loved to park in the middle of the lot, so it was further for her to walk. Not that Beverly needed the extra exercise, but now James would have to walk what looked like a mile to get to the freaking entrance to the hospital while feeling like shit. "Couldn't you park closer, I can't breath great." "It's your own fault for falling down those stairs, man up." His mom said. James was floored. Was this punishment for telling them the truth? Not only did he fall down stairs to avoid a beating by his dad, but now he was going to injure himself further by walking. Well, whatever, he was still on his parent's insurance so if he did, they'd just have to pay more anyway. James groaned as he lifted himself out of the car and started the walk to the door. Ben was returning to work from a brief break when he spotted a young man trying vainly to open the door to the ER, while a woman stood by. It was obvious the man was in terrible pain, yet the woman waited for him to open the door. Ben ran over to open the door for him. The young man almost collapsed into Ben's arms. "Hey dude, what happened to you?" Ben asked, helping him to a chair. "Fell down a flight of stairs. Hit the railing on the landing with my chest and then fell down the rest of them. I hit my head and my left wrist." "Okay, let me go get some paperwork, we'll get you started. It's been a slow night so hopefully you won't have to wait to see the doctor." Ben said. "Take your time, we aren't in a hurry." The woman said. Ben's opinion of her went further south as the young man groaned as he sat down. Ben jogged up to the reception counter. "Hey Cindy, can I get you to fill out paperwork for that guy that just came in? Injury report. And see if we can't get him pushed through, he's hiding it well, but he looks like he could be in a lot of pain, and he said he hit his head." "Sure Ben. Dr. Cheron will be happy to see him. I'm pretty sure I saw him flinging paper clips at a cup in the break room, he's so bored." Ben watched Cindy go over and talk to the two, getting insurance information and history of what happened. Cindy came back over with the chart and handed it to Ben. "Why don't you pull him into a room and get him started, I'll let Dr. Cheron know he's here." "Okay." Ben said, as he glanced at the file. 'James' was the man's name. Now that Ben could look at him closer, he looked quite young, barely out of high school if that. "James McMonte? You can follow me, we'll get you started." The young man and the woman followed Ben, and he suspected she was James' mom. He quickly looked at the chart and realized that James was over 18. Ben, not being impressed by the woman's attitude so far, turned to James and asked, "James, since you are over 18, you don't need a parent for the exam if you'd prefer." "Mom I know you don't like hospitals, do you want to go out to the waiting room or the car?" James turned to his mom, gasping a little. "Oh, I suppose I'll wait in the family room here, I'll find a magazine to read." "I'll find you later then, thanks mom." James followed Ben into a treatment area with multiple beds separated by curtains. Ben set down his clip board and motioned to James to hop onto a open bed. Ben helped him step up and sit down. James groaned again, and grabbed at his ribs. "So what exactly happened? Did you really fall down the stairs? Cause to me, your mom's a bit of a bitch..." Ben said as he took James' temperature. James laughed. "Yes, I fell down the stairs. Mom had nothing to do with it. But yeah, she's a witch sometimes. She told me that I needed to 'Man up' as we came in." "Good. Well, I mean about the stairs. Not good about the 'Man up' thing. Sheesh. It's not like you're crying or something. Not that it wouldn't be an unmanly thing to do considering the pain you seem to be in." "Truthfully I have a high pain tolerance. I think that most guys would be, no matter how manly. I'm pretty sure my ribs are cracked. I'm not sure about the wrist. I tried to catch myself, and twisted around a bit before I fell down the first part of the stairs. I really flew into the banister though. God, it hurts to breath." "Well, good news is, the doc isn't too busy, so hopefully we can get you some good pain meds." "Thank God." James said. "Can I lay down? I feel like I could breath easier." "Go ahead." Ben said. James sucked in a breath, then laid down. The doctor walked up then. He quickly did an exam on James, poking and prodding the areas James mentioned hurt the most. "Well James, you certainly did a number on yourself. I do suspect you broke some ribs, and I think your wrist is sprained, we could verify both with an xray. I don't think you have a concussion, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to have someone wake you up every 2 hours to make sure you're okay once you go home. If you don't have anyone, we could have you sleep here." "Let's do the xrays. I want to make sure we aren't going to miss something. And I'd have to make sure my mom is okay with it, but she'd probably be put off if she needed to wake up every 2 hours to wake me up, so I would prefer to stay here I think." Dr. Cheron arched an eyebrow up with that comment, but kept any thoughts to himself. "Okay, well, Ben, why don't you find James' mom, I'll go order the xrays." Dr. Cheron left the room. "Would you prefer to stay, or go home?" "Stay. It'll give me a chance to make sense of things, and like I said, my mom probably will have a hissy fit if I need care at home." "I'll be back." Ben said as he left the room. Ben came back five minutes later, with Beverly in tow. "So as you can see, James is settling in good. Dr. Cheron is concerned he might have a concussion, so we'd like to keep him for observation after his xrays are finished. So if you want, you can stay with him, otherwise we can call you when he's ready to be discharged." "Hmm. I guess you were hurt more than you lead on James. Well, if you're comfortable spending the night, I will go back to the house." "Yeah mom, I should be fine. If I have any problems, I can call." "Okay, see you tomorrow then. Be safe." Beverly said as she turned around and left. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's a witch..." Ben said under his breath. James laughed. "You have no idea. At least now maybe she won't tell me to 'Man up' anymore." "Yeah... maybe. Or maybe she'll tell you to put on your big girl panties next." James laughed even harder and then gasped in pain. "Jeez, sorry dude. I forget that broken ribs hurt when you laugh." Ben felt terrible, only because he'd caused James pain, not that he'd made fun of somebody. As they waited for Dr. Cheron to come back with the xray orders Ben took the time to look over James as he laid there with his eyes closed. James was a lean, fit young man. His blond hair was a bit on the shaggy side, and his facial hair was artfully scruffy. In short, he was pretty damn cute. Dr. Cheron came in to give Ben the xray orders. Ben took the papers from him and went to find a wheelchair so James wouldn't have to walk in order to get to the radiology rooms. Once he found one, he came back to the bed James was laying in. "Alright big guy. I got a wheelchair, so you get to go for a ride." Ben said. James sat up reluctantly, mostly because he was starting to fall asleep. Ben helped James into the wheelchair. Because he'd laid down, he was more stiff now. "When are you going to tell me the truth about what happened? I mean, I get the stairs were involved, but there's something you aren't telling us." "Well, I guess if you promise not to tell anyone I'll explain what happened. I just don't need it causing more issues, since I'm not sure it didn't happen just because I'm a freaking klutz." "So what happened? I promise not to tell." "My parent's have a house that's built on top of the garage, so there's this flight of stairs you have to go up and down to get to the house or the driveway, right? Well.. I actually came out to my parents tonight, and my dad started screaming and yelling, and was about to throw stuff and I was just done with it, since I knew they'd be upset. We're a pretty religious family unfortunately. But as I got up to leave, dad started to flip shit, and basically said 'You aren't leaving until I beat the devil out of you..." I started to book it out of there, opened the door to the stairs and tripped over the door jam. Tried to grab the railing, but didn't get a great grip, and because of that I practically flew down the first part, slammed into the railing and then rolled down the last few stairs and bounced on the driveway. I'm lucky mom decided I should go to the ER, but it wasn't until I told her I hit my head. Otherwise I think she would have let my dad lock me in my old bedroom." Ben was speechless. He knew that this sort of thing happened to people, but Ben was raised by hippie grandparents, so he'd never had any reason to think he wasn't normal by liking boys while growing up. His dad, a pastor, often counseled young persons who were dealing with the confusion of sexuality or other things. He didn't tell Ben about specifics, preferring to keep confidential relationship with them, but he never hesitated to tell Ben how lucky he was to never be bullied for being gay, and for having understanding family members. James was sadly part of the normal reaction to finding out a child was gay. "God. James, that, well that sucks. Do you think you're dad really would have beat you up?" "Not sure. I mean he's been a rough parent. Lot of belt spankings, you know. But never punches or anything." "Ugh, still. That's terrible." "Meh, it was tolerable. I really enjoy college though. Got a chance to find myself, you know. But now I want a relationship, and I promised myself that I wouldn't get into one with still being in the closet. I need to be out and proud, so not to hold back a partner, you know?" "I get it. That's great reasoning. But unfortunate results." "Yeah." James fell silent as they pulled up to the xray rooms. "Well, I'm going to leave you in the capable hands of the radiology techs. I will be back to pick you up once they're done with you though." "Cool. See you in a bit then." James was miserable during the xrays. First they made him change into a gown, and between the ribs and the wrist he could barely take his clothes off. Then he had such a hard time standing straight since his ribs hurt so much, but they needed him to in order to get an accurate look at his ribs. The wrist xray went fine. Finally they got the view they needed and let him sit back in the wheelchair. He leaned back and closed his eyes for a brief moment. "Hey big guy, no falling asleep just yet. Let's get you back to your bed and then you can snooze a bit, okay?" "Okay." James said sleepily. Ben wheeled James back to his bed, and helped him lay down. He was still wearing the paper thin gown, but it was comfortable, so James wasn't going to complain. "Ok, here we are. Comfortable?" "Yeah, I think so." "Good. Get some sleep, since it'll be a bit before Dr. Cheron can look at the films. Besides, we might as well wait until you need to be woken up after the two hour mark and then let you know results." "Sounds good." James said as he drifted into sleep. Cindy walked over and saw Ben watching James sleep from the edge of the curtain. "He's cute isn't he? I should ask him out." She said. "Well, here's the problem... He doesn't bat for that team." "Darn. Well, are you going to ask him out then?" "I should. He is pretty hot. He could probably use a conversation with my dad too." "Shit, is that why he's here?" Cindy said disbelieving. They were interrupted briefly by a page over the intercom. "No, he really fell down a flight of stairs. He said he's always been clumsy. It looks like there's a healed break near his wrist. It looks like an old injury, probably years ago. That makes me believe him a bit more. I mean, unless he's one of those chronic domestic abuse cases. But it doesn't quite fit. You'd think he'd have more issues, more injuries." "Yeah, I don't get that gut check I normally do. I'm not sure if it's just because he's older, or what." Ben nodded. Dr. Cheron came over. "Well, it's been 2 hours, do you want to wake him up?" "Sure." They both said at the same time. Ben turned to Cindy, "Rock paper, scissors?" Ben asked. "Jeez, fine, I'll let you." Cindy laughed. Cindy walked back over to the triage desk, as Ben turned to step up to James' bed. James felt someone shaking his shoulder. He'd been mid-nightmare of his dad pounding on him. His ribs were sore even after the pain medication kicked in. As he dragged himself out from under the heavy lure of sleep, he saw a pair of twinkling green eyes staring down at him. It was as if an angel came to check on him. He realized quickly it was actually Ben, but James was starting to think Ben was an angel since he'd taken such good care of him, and actually seemed to like him. "There we go. Come on cutie, wake up. Gotta make sure you haven't hurt your head too much." "Hey..." James said sleepily. "Ah, there we go. Alright, couple questions for you. What year is it?" "2012." "Good. And your name?" "James McMonte" "Even better, and how many fingers am I holding up?" "Three." "Excellent. Last question." Ben paused. "Okay..." "Will you go to dinner with me later this week?" Help Me Ch. 02 "Help me Figure out the difference Between right and wrong Weak and strong Day and night Where I belong and Help me Make the right decisions Know which way to turn Lessons to learn And just what my purpose is here" * Ben waited nervously for the young man's answer "I... well, yeah. Sure." James laughed. "Just so you know I normally don't ask out patients, but I think you're darn cute." "Well, thanks, I guess." "So..." Ben encouraged. "Yeah, I'm free on Friday actually." "Cool. Well, I'll get some paper to write down your phone number at some point, but you can go back to sleep if you want. I'll bother you again in a couple hours." Ben turned and walked away to the triage desk. James shook his head. He never would have guessed that the short muscular man was gay. Course, his gaydar had never been great, so he stopped trying to guess anymore. Sleepy from the pain meds, he drifted off again. Ben watched James fall back asleep after a few minutes. Suddenly, the phone rang. Cindy answered it. "Ugh, multiple car accident heading our way, one critical, two stable. Sounds like they suspect the critical might be a drunk driver." The next two hours flew by as they were able to stabilize the driver, and make sure the other two were comfortable. Ben quickly stopped by James' bed. "Hey... James, wake up dude." James sleepily opened his eyes. "Whoa, what did I sleep through? And how did I sleep through it?" "Car accident." Ben said as he checked over James. "Everybody okay?" "Yeah. Well, go back to sleep, I'll let you go an extra hour this time I think, and then we might be able to get you home after that." "Cool. Thanks. Hey, did you find a pen for me?" Ben reached into his pocket, but the piece of paper was long gone. James grabbed the pen, and pulled Ben's wrist over. He removed Ben's watch, and wrote his phone number onto his wrist, then replaced the watch. "There. Just be careful washing your hands now." James said. Ben laughed. Ben called James later that week, and they set up a date for Friday night. As confident as he seemed, Ben was nervous for their date. It had been awhile since he'd been out on one, specifically since college because of his schedule. Not easy to go out and meet someone when your schedule changes and you mostly work nights. But he actually had Friday off, so he was going to make the most of it. And James was freaking cute with his scruffy facial hair. Without the facial hair, he would probably fall under the 'twink' category, because he was so lean and short. He made sure to dress in a dark green shirt to bring out the color of his eyes because he knew guys loved the green. He grabbed his keys and went to go pick up James. James watched out the window waiting for Ben to arrive. He was really excited to go out with Ben, not just because he was hot, but because he was also very nice. Their conversations outside of the hospital solidified that thought too. He spotted a black mustang pull up outside his apartment. Ben stepped out of the driver's seat. James stepped outside, and locked the door to his place. He met Ben at the three steps at the start of the walkway up to the building. "Hey, ready to go I take it?" Ben asked. "Sure. Where are we heading?" James replied. "Well, I wasn't sure, mostly because I'm a vegetarian, but I wasn't sure what you'd prefer to eat." "Well, huh... you might be surprised at this, but I'm also a vegetarian." "Cool. Good, then I know a small café downtown that has awesome coffee and great sandwiches." "Sounds good. I love coffee..." "Oh, that's good. I might not be able to date someone who doesn't like coffee." Ben laughed. "I know how you feel," James said as he slid into the passenger seat of Ben's mustang. "I feel I must mention I love the car too." "Hard not to like a mustang." "True. At some point though, you'll have to let me drive it." "I'll think about it." Ben said. They arrived at the café. "So which sandwich do you normally get?" "I like the one with cream cheese and cucumber, but the other one has hummus and a ton of veggies, so that one's good too." The boys ordered their food, and Ben shoved James out of the way to pay. "Hey, I can pay for my own!" James protested. "No dude, you're my date. I pay." The cashier laughed. "See, she agrees with me." Ben pointed to the cashier. "Don't encourage him." James said. The cashier just laughed harder. "Thanks guys, you made my night." She said still chuckling. They sat down to wait for their food. "So, James, what do you do for a living?" "Well, school and I work as a waiter." "Ooh, fun." Ben said "Right? Pays the bills." As they ate, they told each other funny stories of happenings at work, generally having a great first date, and neither wanted it to end. Ben pulled up to James apartment to drop him off. "Want to come up? I don't have alcohol on hand, but I make a mean hot chocolate." James said slyly. "Hmm... Sure." James opened the door and motioned for Ben to walk in first. Ben stepped into the kitchen, and turned around to ask James a question, but James grabbed him and kissed him, hard. Before Ben could comprehend what had just happened, the started leaving a trail of clothes to the bedroom. By the time they reached the bed, they were only wearing their underwear. Ben picked up James and set him onto the bed and then crawled up over him, leaving a trail of kisses along his left thigh, bypassing his boxers, continuing up his side to his neck. "I'm normally not this slutty." James said. "Neither am I. I'm really attracted to you though. I want to be slutty for you..." Ben said before matching his lips to James'. The kisses grew in intensity until they could hardly breathe. James brazenly reached for Ben's hard cock, trapped in his boxers. He rubbed it through the cloth, jacking it slowly. Ben's hands went to James' sides, causing him to gasp softly. "Shit, I forgot about your ribs." Ben said stopping James from rubbing his cock. "Look, we already know I have a high pain tolerance. We both want this..." James said. "I don't want to hurt you..." Ben whispered. "So, what then? Do we just wait? Or?" "Well... hmm. What do you prefer?" "Dude, I want to fuck." James said. Ben laughed, "No, I mean top or bottom?" "Oh... well, bottom, but I'm versatile." James said. "Huh. If you were a top this would be an easier decision. Actually, nothing says you can't be on top..." Ben said with a wink, as he flipped James over on top of him. James sat up, straddling Ben's waist. "Go for it..." Ben said. James slowly kissed his way down Ben's body to the edge of his boxers. He tugged them off gently. Ben was so hard, his cock snapped back to his abdomen. James grabbed his cock, and bent down to take it into his mouth, but hesitated briefly. "Ugh, I suppose we should have the condoms talk..." "I get tested quarterly since I work in the ER, I'm negative for everything..." "I had myself tested after college, but I was always pretty careful. So if you want," "I want to skip it." Ben interrupted. "Okay by me" James said as he slipped his lips over Ben's cock. Ben groaned and threw his head back as James expertly worked him over. Using his right hand, James slowly jacked up and down as he suckled around the head. He dropped into a maddening rhythm, slow soft licks up and down the shaft, then a few quick jerks while sucking like his life depended on it. Ben was helpless under James' onslaught. His hands dropped back and grabbed at the head board. Suddenly, it was too much too fast, and he grabbed James' shaggy hair and pulled his head back. "Why'd you stop me?" James kept his hand on Ben, but didn't move. "You are way too good at that... I was too close." Ben pulled James up even with him. "Hey hot stuff..." James said, kissing Ben. Ben gently rolled James over, and slunk down his body, kissing his ribs delicately. James squirmed. "You okay?" Ben asked stopping. "Just a bit ticklish there." James said. "Hmm... filing that away for later..." he said moving down further to the waistband of his boxer briefs. "Hmm... what do we have here...?" Ben said pulling down the boxer briefs slowly. "A little friend for you?" James lifted his hips to help Ben slip the underwear off him. "Little? I don't think so. Jeez, for such a little guy..." Ben slid a hand up James' 8 inches. "You aren't bad either... And yeah for us being so short..." James cut off with a gasp as Ben lowered his head to James' penis. "Oh... my... god..." James groaned out. "Nope, just Ben." He said with a quirky smile. "Ha ha ha ha. Get to work." James wrapped his hands around the back of Ben's head, guiding him. Ben tried to one-up James' blow job technique by using what he always referred to as the 'ice cream', swirling licks starting around the base, working up until he reached the tip, where he then deep throated James' entire 8 inches. "Holy......" James bucked his hips as Ben swallowed, the back of his throat working the head of his penis like nothing he'd felt before. Ben slipped off, slurping up the extra saliva. "I need you in me right now, oh god, I'm dying..." James said, pushing Ben away from his cock. Ben rolled them over again so James could be on top. James was a puddle of mush though after Ben's expert blow job and could only drape himself over Ben. "You have lube?" Ben asked. "Drawer..." James motioned weakly to the bedside table. Ben reached into the drawer and pulled out a bottle. Reaching between their legs, he slicked himself up. He lifted his hand to James' cute little butt, and globbed some lube between his cheeks. "Ah! Cold!" James sat up straight. "Perfect." Ben worked a finger into James' tight hole. James rocked his hips in time to Ben's sliding finger. He worked quickly to two, then three fingers, stretching James out. "Ready?" "God yes..." James whispered. Ben lifted James up, and positioned his cock at his entrance. "Whenever you want to, you start moving. I don't want to hurt you." Ben said. James slowly started impaling himself on Ben's cock. Ben groaned as he felt his dick being engulfed by the warm heat of James. His hands gripped James' waist tight, willing himself to go slow. James bottomed out and hesitated, sighing in pleasure. Ben reached up and pulled James down for a kiss. James cried out into his mouth, and started to rock his hips. Ben laced his hands into his hair, and lifted his knees. James buried his head into Ben's neck, working his hips up and down with the occasional hip rotation. "Don't stop, oh... god..." Ben groaned. James sat up to take deeper thrusts, riding Ben's hips like there was no tomorrow. Ben sat up as well, moving them up so he could lean back onto the headboard. James hesitated, and sunk down even further onto Ben. The both moaned in unison. James stopped moving and giggled. "What?" Ben asked a bit "You are absolutely the best ever, I swear." James said. "I'm glad you feel that way, but I would appreciate you keeping your giggles to yourself until we're done, and oh, by they way, move your ass!" Ben said, punctuating with a thrust of his hips. James cried out, and returned to taking deep long thrusts. Ben rocked his hips in time with James' movements. In no time at all James' moves became erratic. "You ready?" He panted. "Close. Keep moving, keep..." Ben threw his head back as James rotated his hips on a down thrust. He clocked his skull on the headboard. "Ouch..." He said but kept moving. James came on a startled cry, spurting cum all over their chests as he kept bouncing on Ben's hard cock. Ben grabbed his hips and thrust hard one last time as he came deep inside. James slumped onto Ben's chest, panting hard. Ben lifted his hand and cupped James behind the head and held him close. They caught their breath, and James giggled. "Best," He said. "The absolute best..." "That was fantastic." Ben said. "Stay the night?" James asked. "Yeah. Definitely." James dismounted and walked to the bathroom and returned with a damp washcloth. He had wiped himself down in the bathroom, but brought the washcloth to wipe off Ben's chest. He tossed it into the laundry basket near the door. He crawled up Ben, and laid his head on his chest. Ben wrapped his arms around him, cuddling him close. The next morning the boys got up early and James made some scrambled eggs for them. "So what's your plan for the weekend?" James asked. "Well, nothing today. Church tomorrow morning." Ben replied. "Church... Really?" James said incredulously. "Yeah church... why is that weird?" Ben asked "Well, its church, and you're gay." "Why is that weird?" "Really? I mean do the people at church know this about you?" "Well, yeah, Dad's the preacher." "Wait... what the fuck are you talking about?" "I don't get why this is weird for you." "Maybe because most churches hate gays, and the fact that your father is a preacher and didn't disown you the moment you came out?!" "Oh. I forget that other churches are like that. You should go with me tomorrow. Let's spend the day together and then go tomorrow morning. You can meet my dad too." Help Me Ch. 03 (So stick with me on this, my editors seem to be MIA so this is technically unedited. I didn't want you guys to have to wait any longer. On a side note if anyone wants to be a victim... I mean a volunteer... and be a beta reader, please send me feedback, or post in the comments) *"It's like I got the signals crossed With messages I can't decode Half asleep, never wide awake And I'm in complete overload I got so much information here And nothing I can really grasp I should know the truth But I'm too afraid so I have to ask"* James sat in a church pew, in a borrowed sports coat, squirming like a little kid. Ben poked his side. "Ouch." James said quietly. "Quit squirming, and get ready to pay attention. Dad said he'd do a sermon just for you today." "Aw man, he isn't going to be staring at me or make reference directly to me it he?" "No, I don't think so." "Ugh. I'm not sure if I'm ready for this." James whispered. Music starting playing from the pulpit, and James spotted a man in a business casual suit walk out to behind the lectern. "So let's talk today about what religion can do for you. I know that sounds a little silly, because most people don't want you to be selfish right? But really, what does religion mean for the average person, or someone questioning their faith? To me, religion is that back bone, it gives me reason to get out of bed in the morning, and it gives me hope for tomorrow. But for someone questioning faith, we need to reason. Why do people want religion? Well, let's look closer at this, shall we. I believe the best thing religion can give to us is the drive to be a better person. When we talk about the 10 Commandments, that's what we want, right? We want people to not kill each other, to not steal, and to honor our parents. Seems legit... So again, it may seem like a small thing, but religion can direct us to live our lives better. After that, religion gives us hope, that there are better days ahead. Because God only gives us the struggles He thinks we can handle. And if not, well, if we have religion, we can assume we have a place in heaven. So that hope is still there, even when we are dying. Another good thing that religion gives us is peers, and a group of people to socialize with. Okay so I know this doesn't really go hand in hand just with religion, but think about it. What other groups do you socialize with? Coworkers? Do they all have the same goals and morals in life? Probably not. Once you've found a church that works for you, and you believe in, you will have a social structure and support group you won't find anywhere else. With the best leader of all, God. There has even been research into if religion makes you a happier person. Basically it boils down to the fact that because people who have religion have a support system and belief, they absorb shocks in life with greater resistance. So I know that for most of you, I'm preaching to the choir, but if anyone is questioning why they need religion I hope this sermon helps." "So, what did you think?" Hugh asked as he caught the boys before they left. "Well, honestly I come from a religious family. I can't decide if that's something I need to keep or if it's just something that can't happen when you're gay." "What do you mean?" "Well, how can you say that it makes us a better person when you have churches that preach against homosexuality and preach hate?" "Right, but in general, when you take that out of the picture, what does the bible teach us? Why wouldn't you think that makes a person into a better individual?" "I guess I get so bogged down in the hate, I never considered it. I have a tendency to glaze over and not listen in the church my parents attend. I've fallen into a spot where I'm not really wanting religion. I don't know if I can believe in a God that fuels hate." "Understandable. I know that it's a slippery slope. There isn't really a lot of churches that will take a stand against the Vatican or they're more concerned about the congregation taking offense, so many pastors/ preachers won't say if they are for or against homosexuals. I can't abide by that. I can't let other people decided what's best for me or my people. Each sermon no matter the topic, teaches each individual differently. That's what we focus on in our church. So although I know today's sermon won't change your mind right away, I'm hoping it was enough to bring you back." "Even if Ben didn't drag me here I probably would." James teased. Ben and Hugh laughed. It started to rain as they left the church, but seemed to get worse the longer they were in the car driving. "Hey, my house is closer, I'm going to stop there. We'll hang out until the storm passes if that's alright with you." Ben said. "Totally, this is got to be hard to drive in. It seems like it's raining sideways." James replied. "Leave the sports coat in the car, I have a feeling we're going to get soaked." The boys ran for cover as soon as Ben parked. They laughed as they hit the porch, soaked through even though it was only 20 feet that they had run. Ben pulled James into his arms and kissed him hard. James took a moment to look at the small house. It was cute, and even though it was close to town it was on the edge of a wooded lot. He followed Ben inside. The interior of the house was sparingly decorated, but there were pictures and paintings on the walls so it didn't look like nobody lived there. A moderate sized TV, recliner and a small loveseat filled the living room. "Here, come see the best part." Ben said as he led James upstairs. He pulled him into a bedroom. It was obviously Ben's room, there were clothes on the floor, and an open closet was filled with scrubs. But the view took his breath away. On the far side of the bedroom was a huge bay window over looking the wooded area behind the house. Ben pulled James over next to it, to look out better. No other homes or backyards could be seen. The boys watched as lightening streaked across the width of the window. The thunder almost made them jump, but at the same time electrified the lust they were feeling for each other. They both pulled the other in for a rough kiss in front of the window. Ben reached over and lifted James' shirt off. He kissed his way down his front until he was on his knees, unbuckling his belt. James groaned as Ben succeeded in releasing his cock from the confines. Ben suckled hard on James' cock, and then stood back up to pull off his own shirt. Lightening flashed across his smooth skin as James helped him remove his clothing. Soon both boys were naked in front of the big window. Rain pelted the glass, pattering madly. Ben lifted his hands and placed them on the window, stepped up behind him and bent him slightly over to be at his mercy. He grabbed the bottle of lube from his bedside table quickly, and poured a generous amount onto his hand. He slicked up his penis, and then slid his hand in between James' cheeks. "Oh god... cold... but so hot..." James placed his forehead on the glass as Ben worked two fingers into him. "Hmmm, apparently we might have been a little rough last night... you aren't as tight today." Ben teased. He rubbed his fingers over James' prostate, causing a belch of precum to spew from his cock. It hit the window and slowly dripped down, mimicking the rain on the opposite side. "Fuck me..." James whimpered. "Already?" Ben whispered in his ear. "We've barely started foreplay..." "Shut up, and fuck me." James said, thrusting his hips back to punctuate the command. Ben pushed James' feet apart a bit further, lowering his buttocks to give Ben more opportunity to thrust. One hand on James' hip, he aimed the head of his cock to James' entrance. "Ready?" "God yes, shove that bad boy in me." James rolled his head sideways, still leaning on the window. Ben dropped his hips and then thrust into James hard, bottoming out immediately. James cried out in ecstasy. Ben held still, hands on James' hips, to let James adjust, but he wasn't having any of it. James bounced his hips as much as he could with Ben's hands holding him in place. Ben took the hint and started fucking him hard. James spread his palms on the glass to try and gain some purchase, but the only thing he could do was press to the window and thrust back at Ben. The storm raged outside as the lovers worked their way to a spectacular climax. Ben took long hard thrusts, almost pulling out to the tip of his cock and then shoving it back in all the way. James was almost a puddle of mush by the time he got close to blowing his load. "Are you close?" Ben panted in his ear. "God yes, jack me, and it'll be done with." Ben followed instructions, and reached around. Two quick pulls on his cock and James was spurting all over the window in front of him. Ben thrust deep into James' quivering hole and came violently. A spectacular flash of lightening complimented their climaxes. Ben reached up with his right hand, and tenderly rubbed James' cheek, pulling him in for a sweet kiss over his shoulder as they came down from their high. James whimpered a bit as Ben's cock softened enough to slip out. "Here," Ben whispered, as he pulled him to the bed. They cuddled close together, James laying his head on Ben's chest. They fell asleep watching the lightening dance merrily outside. They finally woke up from their nap in the early afternoon. "Hungry?" Ben asked into James' hair. "I could eat. But I don't feel like cooking..." He replied sleepily. "Neither do I. There's a great restaurant down the street though. We could walk." "Okay. Seems like we eat enough of the same foods I can probably find something to eat." "It's mostly pizza and Italian food anyway." Ben said as he rolled out of the bed. "Ooo, I could use a good pizza." James hopped out of bed, but the boys quickly realized that their clothes that were discarded in the heat of the moment were still soaked. "Oops. Well, at least you and I are pretty close to the same size. Let's see what I can find. I may have some older jeans that are a bit smaller." Ben dug into his closet. "Ah ha! Here. Try these." He tossed a pair over. James pulled them on without having to unbutton them. Ben dressed quickly too, and found a smaller shirt for James, but because Ben had a broader chest and was more muscular from heavy lifting at work, it was a size too big. "That looks too cute on your lean body..." Ben leaned over and smooched his cheek. "Ugh. I hate being this skinny. I'll need to work out with you I guess." "That can be arranged. Let's go before we get distracted again." The boys walked down to the restaurant, which as Ben said was just down the street. "What do you like on your pizza?" Ben asked. "Um..." James hesitated. "Look I'm not going to judge unless you say sardines." Ben replied. "Pineapple actually." "How do you feel about jalapeños on it as well?" Ben asked. "Oooh, I've never tried it with jalapeños ..." "Cool, let's do that then." They ordered and went to find a seat. The found a small table near the entrance. James sat down facing the door and propped his elbow up on the table, then propped his chin on his hand. "Tired?" Ben asked "Well, yeah, you woke me up at the crack of dawn, took me to church and then molested me into exhaustion." Ben laughed. Their pizza arrived and the boys dug in. "This was a good idea..." James said "One of the best pizza places I've been." Ben said. The bell above the door tinkled, and Ben watched as James' eyes got big. "Oh fuck..." He said under his breath and then leaned his head down, covering his face with his hand. Ben discreetly looked over his shoulder to see a middle aged man had walked in. He was tall and very lean, and almost looked liked, well, "Is that your dad?" Ben whispered. "Yeah..." "Okay, well act natural, maybe he won't see us. Have you talked to him since he found out you were gay?" "No." James heard the bell tinkle again and briefly looked up. He made eye contact with his dad who was holding onto a pizza box with the door open, staring back at him. James groaned, but ignored his dad. They heard the door shut. "This isn't going to be good." Help Me Ch. 04 *"Help me Figure out the difference Between right and wrong Weak and strong Day and night Where I belong and Help me Make the right decisions Know which way to turn Lessons to learn And just what my purpose is here"* * "So, how about a date Friday night? I have off." Ben asked James as he dropped him off at home. "What is your schedule normally like?" James asked. "Eh, 4 days on, 3 off, sometimes it switches up if they need coverage." "Ugh. I need to check my schedule, but I think I have a short lunch shift so we could meet up at 6pm I think." "Okay, well double check for me, but otherwise I'll call you Friday and we'll pick a spot that sounds good." "Cool. I'll talk to you later. I'm going to go actually get some sleep now that I don't have a boyfriend wanting my ass every time I try to sleep." Ben laughed and pulled James over for a quick kiss. "Good night sweet thing." He said as he pushed James out of the car so he wouldn't be tempted to pull him back in and drive him back to his place. Friday morning came, Ben was excited about having off work after a few hectic days, and of course excited to see James, and probably have a similar weekend to the previous one, filled with lots of hot sex. Ben's phone rang around 11am though, the ER calling him to fill in for Cindy who had called in sick. Well, actually his supervisor said she'd come in to do her shift but kept running for the bathroom to vomit so he'd sent her home and called Ben. Ben agreed to come in, especially since Cindy was always good about covering for him. He called James' cell, but it went straight to voicemail. He left a message explaining what had happened and to have him call back about rescheduling for tomorrow. He dressed quickly and ran out the door. James stood in front of his parent's house. He knew this wasn't going to be a pleasant visit, but his mom had insisted he come for afternoon coffee to 'discuss things'. She'd promised his dad wouldn't be there. He slowly climbed the stairs and knocked on the door. His mom ushered him in and they sat down at the table. She poured him a cup of coffee and put two of his favorite chocolate chip/raisin oatmeal cookies on a plate for him. "So. James. When did you decide to be gay?" "Decide? Or when did I know I was born gay?" "However you want to justify it..." She trailed off. "I knew before I was 16, that was when I came to terms with it. I experimented in college and knew for sure. I've met someone now, and I'm very happy. I realize I don't need you guys to be my family if you aren't going to respect me as I am, I can create my own family." "James, I want you to know I'm not happy. I don't think that your father is happy either. I'm unsure where to go from here." "We don't, that's where we go from here. We go our separate ways." "I don't..." Before his mom could finish, the door to the kitchen flew open. His dad, red faced, fists clenched stood there, staring at James. "I thought I told you that fags aren't allowed in this house... or did you change your mind after fucking that piece of trash I saw you with?" "Dad, I have always been a fag, always will be a fag. There's nothing you can do about it. And that 'piece of trash' is my boyfriend. And if I have anything to say about it will be around for a long time." "Get out." His dad said, in an oddly calm voice. "Gladly." James moved to leave, but his dad stood still. James swallowed nervously. "If you would move, I could..." James started, but as soon as he spoke, his dad exploded. First it was a slap across the face, but then it escalated into a violent pummeling. James curled into a ball to avoid as much damage to his soft squishy insides that could easily be harmed by the flying fists and hard kicks. He felt multiple punches to his sides, and kicks to his back end. He was still a bit sore back there from Ben's different kind of pummeling. James realized quickly if he didn't move, he was going to die. Now that he'd found Ben, he wasn't ready. If this had happened a week ago, he may have made the decision to lay there until he'd died, but now he wanted a future with Ben. He needed to stay strong to see Ben again. Trying to stay curled up as tight as he could, he wiggled his way to the door way. His dad picked him up and slammed him into the wall near the door, and reached back to punch his face. He got one blow in before James managed to open the door, and slip out. James slammed the door behind him, and as carefully and as quickly as he could gimp, he tried to make his way down the stairs. He got about 3 steps down when the door flew open and his dad stormed at him. James saw his life flash before his eyes, as in a continued rage of fury; his dad shoved him down the evil flight of stairs. Just before he blacked out after his head hit the railing, he imagined the last time he and Ben had sex, the storm raging around them. He wanted his last thoughts before he died to be about love, not hate. Ben was running around at work like crazy, due to the number of non-critical patients that had been admitted. There was one man who had been admitted complaining of chest pain, but he was due in court tomorrow and likely going to jail, so he was just looking for an excuse to not go in. Another woman who'd tripped on a curb with a soft tissue injury to her ankle, and another young man who was high on something that had been in a car accident that really had just hit his head. A lot of monitoring and giving pain meds, mixed with the occasional triage and referral. The phone on the wall rang, indicating a new arrival, possibly a critical one. Ben hopped over to the desk, but Rachel the receptionist had grabbed it. "Critical injury coming in ETA 5 minutes, possible head trauma." Rachel said to Ben. Ben groaned. He hated critical head traumas because it always seemed like they were in really bad shape when they came in. "Page Dr. Rouso, might as well have the neurologist on hand incase it's really bad." "Okay, will do." She turned back to the phone. Ben walked over to the ambulance bay with Dr. Cheron. "I hate head trauma..." Dr. Cheron muttered. "Ha! So do I. I had Rachel page Dr. Rouso already so hopefully we can get the patient stable and then refer to him right away." An ambulance screamed into the bay, the EMTs jumping out. "Male, age 20, head trauma as well as multiple abrasions, suspect the patient was beaten, but for sure fell down a flight of stairs. BP is 140/90, heart rate 120, resps clear" Ben got a sick feeling in his stomach, but pushed it down, not wanting to assume things until he saw the patient. The EMTs rushed the stretcher to the doorway and Ben got a good look at the patient. He almost vomited as James' face was barely recognizable, but Ben knew it was him. Dr. Cheron swore under his breath. "Didn't we just see this kid for falling down the stairs?" "2 weeks ago... yeah." "You okay, Ben? You look pale." "James and I started dating after his last visit..." Ben shook his head "I can handle this, let's go and get him stable." A bit of running around, moving James into the ER's bed and giving him pain medication, the neurologist made it down from the other side of the hospital. "Has he been conscious at all?" Dr. Rouso asked. "Not since we first picked him up. He said he was relieved to see us, but then he passed out after that. Hasn't regained since transport" The EMT reported as they headed out with their stretcher. Dr. Rouso went about doing an evaluation. "Well, good news is he seems mentally aware, his pupils are equal and reactive, he's got good menace responses. I suspect he just has a concussion, but we'll have you keep a close eye on him. Once he wakes up, page me, I'll do the rest of the evaluation, and as long as the rest of his injuries are benign, you can transfer him to me at some point." "Thanks Dr. Rouso." Ben and Dr. Cheron said. Dr. Cheron finished his exam. "Well crap, the kid's got a broken arm, the ribs that were healing are damaged again, his eye socket is broken... god damn someone worked this kid over. Do you know if the police were called?" "I don't, but I will be glad to do it." Ben said heading for the phone. He dialed the number they'd been given to use for reporting suspicious injuries. Typically that meant stabbings, gun shot wounds, or drunk drivers, but they did have to report the occasional domestic abuse. "Police." A curt voice over the phone answered. "Hey, this is Ben over at the emergency room. I have a suspected domestic abuse case here, not sure if the EMTs called it in or not." "Hmm, we had a call earlier about someone being pushed down the stairs, as well as the phone call to report someone had fallen down the stairs. That one sounded like a somewhat distraught mom... Well, the officers are actually talking to the neighbor I'm being told, and will be into the hospital shortly. I will let them know you called about it as well." "Thanks. The kid is really beaten up, and not from falling down a flight of stairs. At least not all of his injuries." "Ugh... Thanks for calling. I'm sure we'll be in touch." The dispatcher hung up. Ben walked back to Dr. Cheron and James' bed. "Well, he seems stable now that we got the pain meds kicking in his blood pressure dropped and so did his heart rate. I'm going to call Orthopedics, have them come and take a look at his arm. We can probably get him casted prior to transferring him to Neuro." Dr. Cheron walked off. Since James' arrival the ER had been quiet, so Ben motioned to Rachel. "What's up?" She asked. "I'm going to sit with James for a bit, holler if you need anything." "Okay, sounds good." It was almost like a dream. James expected this to be Hell, but really it wasn't as hot as he expected. His face, head, arm and ribs hurting like nothing he'd felt before, but it seemed like his 'give a damn' was busted. He groaned as each breath hurt to expand his lungs. "You awake?" A soft hand touched his shoulder. "Um... am I dead?" James asked, keeping his eyes shut. "No, you're at St. Mary's emergency room. Do you remember what happened to you?" "Um... no, not really. I'm not even sure if I know my name right now... no, wait, it's James." "James McMonte?" the voice asked. "Um... That sounds about right I guess." James said. "Well James, its Ben. You know me, but if your memory isn't intact... well, I'm going to be your nurse while you're hospitalized. Do you need me to call someone?" "Nope, I'm pretty sure the persons you would call, put me here now that I think about it." James said wryly. "Want to talk about it?" Ben said. "I'm a little fuzzy on the details, but for some reason I recall something... and it's gone. Damn I'm tired." James drifted off to sleep. Ben watched as the James fell back asleep. He was so angry at James' dad. He just knew that he had something to do with James being here. Ben hated that this sweet man could have been killed by the person who helped put him on this planet. He paged Dr. Rouso to come and evaluate James as he drifted in and out. Dr. Rouso would be happy to hear that other then the memory loss, James seemed to be mentally intact. As least, Ben thought so from the brief conversation he'd had. Ben had to leave his side to take care of some non critical patients but checked back on him often, hoping he'd keep waking up. James had a terrible nightmare, so vivid it seemed to be true. The beating seemed to go on and on... James panted hard, trying to clear the terrible cloak of terror from his mind. Ben poked his head into the room. "You okay? Your heart rate and respiratory rate just shot up." "Bad dream." James said still panting. "Want to talk about it?" "Um... no, not really." "You say Um a lot, did you know that?" Ben laughed as he walked into the room. "Well, so?" "Just pointing it out. You sure you don't want to talk about it? Did it have anything to do with who beat you up?" "I don't know. It was just a dream..." James hesitated "at least I think." "You think." Ben said. "It's so fuzzy..." James drifted off into thought. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Two police officers stood there. Both were tall and lean, with serious faces. "James McMonte?" The one asked. "That's me." James sat up a little straighter in the bed. "I'm Officer Hand, this is Officer Nelson. We'd like to ask a few questions regarding your injuries." "I will be at the nurses' station if you need me. Just push this button, okay?" Ben said, pointing out the call button. "So, Mr. McMonte. We have a witness that puts you and your father in the house at the time you 'fell' down the stairs. She said you were pushed down the outside stairs and she saw your father push you." Officer Hand stated. "Look, honestly, I can't remember what happened. I wish I could say for certain I tripped, or fell, or whatever, but I truly have no idea what happened. I wasn't even sure what my name was when I woke up." James said. Officer Hand didn't look like he believed him. "Look, I know it's hard to believe, but you can ask the nurse Ben or Dr. Cheron about it." "Okay. Well, if you remember anything, please let us know. Here's my card, call if you need to." "Will do." James nodded. Ben was sure James had been beaten by his dad, but he was unsure how to prove it. James himself said he couldn't remember what happened, but it seemed like he might have an inkling based on the dream he'd had. And Ben, being the sneak he was, eavesdropped on the police asking him questions. He heard the police start to turn around, so Ben dropped back a few feet and acted like he was walking back to check on James. "You Ben the nurse?" The one asked. "Yeah." "Officer Hand. James said he's got a mild case of amnesia going on, you believe that?" "I do. He was knocked around pretty good. I could tell he was fuzzy when he woke up. When I asked him if he was James McMonte, he hesitated and looked confused for a brief moment. He doesn't recognize me either, and we've know each other for the past few weeks. He definitely hit his head good, he does have a concussion, Dr. Rouso evaluated him earlier, but hasn't gotten a chance to come down now that he's awake just yet." "Okay. Well, if he says anything to you, will you give us a call, it seems like his Dad has a stick up his ass and I'd like to burn him on this if we prove he beat James and then pushed him down those stairs. We have a witness, but it would be better if he could provide a statement." "He pushed him down the stairs again?" Ben asked without thinking first. "Wait, he's done this before?" "Well, about two weeks ago, was when we first met, he'd 'fallen down' the stairs and came in here. I didn't really believe him then. His mom brought him in, and his story matched the injuries if he had fallen, but they probably could've happened if he'd been pushed too. I, well, he's gay, and I know his dad was extremely upset about it and had been chasing him that night. So either way, the dad had something to do with it then, and probably does now." "You willing to make that an official statement?" "Well, I don't know how well that will hold up in court, because I'm just assuming things. And I all I know about his dad is what he's told me, so again..." "Not anything a judge would want to hear. Shoot. Well, see if we can't get his memory back and convince him to press charges. Especially if he's tried something like this before. Can you get us copies of the previous visit's findings?" "I'd like nothing better then to put that douche behind bars. You can bet on it." Help Me Ch. 05 *"Wanna know you More than anything I need you In my every dream, you're there for me Do you love me? For who I am, no angel Just an ordinary man"* James woke up, disoriented and confused. Trickling back into focus, he became aware of his partial memory. He was in the hospital, pretty badly hurt. Ben, the super cute nurse poked his head into the door. "Hungry?" Ben asked. "I could eat." James said. "Be right back..." He disappeared. A minute later, he appeared with a tray of food. "Tada... your favorite, macaroni and cheese." "How..." James looked confused. Ben smiled sadly. "We've been dating the past 2 weeks..." He said quietly. "Shit, no way? Really?! God damn it!! Why would I not remember dating such a hot guy?!" James continued to mumble under his breath, but Ben couldn't catch what he was saying. "Don't worry, it'll come back. Dr. Rouso is pretty sure you just have temporary memory loss." "This is bull shit... fuck." James rolled his head to the side away from Ben. "Hey... it's okay... really. Otherwise we'll just reenact all the stuff we did together and try to jog your memory." Ben teased. James turned back to him, his eyes glistening a bit with tears. "I just wish I could remember you, I don't give a shit about anything else right now." "It'll come, really. Besides, I'm here now." James sighed and closed his eyes. "Come on, have some food, give it some time." Ben took the cover off the bowl of macaroni and cheese. James sat up a bit, wincing at the stabbing feeling in his chest. Ben helped him sit all the way up and handed him a fork. James happily dug into the noodles. "Meh, not the best I've had. Very fake cheese tasting." "Yeah, not my favorite mac and cheese, but it'll do." Ben checked his watch. "Well, I have some treatments to run and do, and then its shift change, so I'll come back after I punch out and we'll sit together for a while." "Okay." James said, around a mouthful. Ben laughed and left the room. James laid back after sliding the food tray to the side. The amount of energy it took to sit up and eat was enough to make him sleepy. He tried to slide down to a more comfortable position, but it agitated his arm and ribs. He sighed again, and resolved to shove some blankets behind his back to try and cushion more so he could nap a bit. A knock on the door revealed his mom. 'At least I recognized her...' he thought as she walked in. "Hi James, how are you?" An uncontainable rage poured over him as his memory of what happened bubbled to the surface. "I've got a fucking broken arm, my ribs broke again, my head feels like shit, and I can't remember my boyfriend, how do you think I'm doing!!" He yelled. "James, please, calm down, your father never meant to hurt you." "Bullshit he didn't! I know he pounded on me. I know he pushed me down those stupid stairs. I know he did it because he spotted Ben and I having dinner!" James sat still, shocked. Why could he remember that, but not Ben specifically? "James..." "Get out. You did nothing. You stood by and watched as he ruthlessly tried to take my life." His mom sat there stunned. "GET... OUT..." He said in a forceful voice. His mom stood up slowly. "You know where to find us if you want to apologize." James about had a heart attack. He leaned over and mashed the emergency button. He didn't give a shit if he got in trouble. Someone was going to get hurt if this woman stayed in this room any longer. A herd of footsteps came running down the hall, Dr. Cheron in front. "GET THIS BITCH OUT." James yelled. "I never!" His mom turned on her heel and stomped out. "You okay?" Dr. Cheron asked James as he listened to his heart and lungs. He coughed and then cried out in pain. "Oh, God it hurts. Fuck." Ben ran into the room, frazzled. "What happened? Is he okay?" "Looks like mom stopped by and got him pretty upset. I think he aggravated the rib injuries." Ben moved to the other side of the bed and moved beside another nurse that had responded to the emergency code. "Hey..." He brushed James' hair back from his head. At Ben's touch he seemed to calm his breathing a bit. "Let's get him an additional dose of morphine, and if the pain continues, James... I need you to tell us. Or if you have trouble breathing, we may need to repeat your chest films and check those ribs out." James nodded as he leaned back into his pillow. "You gonna sit with him for a bit?" Dr. Cheron asked Ben. "Yeah I was planning on it. If I hadn't been in the shower after punching out, I would've beat you in here I think..." "I don't doubt it." He turned to James, "Do you want me to get the police over here?" James shook his head. "I just heard you say..." Dr. Cheron said. "Fuck them! I don't give a shit what happens to my parents. They're dead to me as of this moment." James whimpered a bit as he'd shifted during the outburst. "Shhh, you don't have to make a decision now, okay?" Ben said, helping into a more comfortable position as the morphine kicked in. James drifted off to sleep, while Ben petted his hair. The police did swing by a bit later, due to the violent nature of what had happened, to make sure things were under control. "So, his mom stopped by?" Officer Hand asked. "Yeah, and she really pissed him off. I wasn't here, but he had to be sedated after. Dr. Cheron seemed to think he got part of his memory back, but he refused to want to talk to you guys." "Hmm. Okay, well if he changes his mind, give us a call." "You know I will." "On a more personal note, you seem to be handling this pretty well." "Compartmentalization. You gotta shove those feelings down to deal with them later if you're going to make it in the field. I figure you guys are used to it. That doesn't mean I don't want to kill his dad and mom for doing this to him. Or crawl into bed with him and cry myself to sleep..." Ben trailed off. Both officers nodded. "I get it." Officer Hand said. The police left on that note, and Ben went back into James' room. He was off work and had changed into his street clothes. He wanted to hang out with James as much as he could, just waiting until the moment his memory came back. James came out of another fuzzy fog, but things seemed a bit clearer as the morphine wore off. "Ben?" He called out, hoping the man was there. "Yeah." James felt a hand grasp his. James squeezed back and opened his eyes. "I remember our last date- we were having pizza. My dad saw us." Ben nodded. "That's all I remember about it. About you. Can you tell me about our first date? See if it'll jog my memory." Ben blushed. "Well, we went out for dinner. We went to this nice vegetarian café. Um. We went back to your place after..." James laughed. "Really? Hmm... Well, that's unlike me." "Yeah, we both said that. It was very sweet and hot. You still had sore ribs from a fall down those stupid stairs, and so, well stop me if I give too much detail..." "Nope, keep going." James was enjoying Ben's discomfort. "So because you're a bottom and your ribs were sore, I made you ride me. It was fantastic." "We went bare..." James had a moment of clarity. "Yeah, we did... wow, that kinda worked. Um, our second date was technically Sunday morning, but we were together all day Saturday." "We went to church." "Yeah. You met my dad. We went to my place after." "It rained..." "We made love in front of my bay window with the storm raging outside." "We went for pizza after that. I remember. I remember thinking about that day in front of the window while my dad beat me up. I remember because before I met you, I wouldn't have fought to stay alive. You saved my life." Ben was stunned. The fact that James felt he was going to die was shocking enough, but when he admitted that he fought for Ben, it really floored him. "You saved my life." James said again, almost dreamily. "What exactly do you mean?" Ben asked. "I remember thinking now that I found you, I wasn't ready to die. I made myself think of us in front of that window. Thinking, I needed my last thoughts to be about... love." Ben was quiet. It almost sounded like James was confessing to loving him even after their short time together. "I know it's short, it sounds like we've only know each other for a brief time, but I feel this connection to you. Like we're meant to be together." Ben felt his eyes get a little misty. "I feel that way too. I really think that we could be something." "I remember now what made my dad so mad. He called me a fag, and you a piece of trash. I was struggling to not get pissed off, and basically told him off. That you were going to be around for a long time if I had any say in it." "And that's when he started hitting you?" "Yeah, punched and kicked me, then slammed me into the door. I was able to slip out and start running down the stairs when he pushed me. I hit my head on the railing. I blacked out after that." "I really think you need to tell the police this." "I don't want to. I just want to leave it behind. I don't ever want to see him again. And if I file a report, or whatever, I probably will need to testify or some other shit. I just... I can't, I'm not strong enough." "Yes, you are. If you aren't ready, it can wait. But I really think in order to protect yourself it needs to be done. At this point there isn't anything stopping him from tracking you down and doing it again." "I'll think about it..." He seemed like he was nodding off a bit. "Tired?" Ben asked, brushing his hair off his forehead. "Yeah. A little bit. If I fall asleep will you be here when I wake up?" "I'll stay for a bit more, but I have to go home to grab some clothes for tomorrow. But after tomorrow I have 2 days off, so if you're still here, I will be. And if they send you home, I'm coming with." "Okay." James said sleepily. He sounded and looked like a little kid. Ben chucked softly, petting the hair back at his forehead again. James rolled his head into Ben's and fell asleep, nuzzling his palm. Ben felt his heart tug. This young man had become his life in a short two weeks. He'd been through so much, and yet kept such innocence. He just needed to convince James it was the right thing to report his dad for such violence.