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Heaven On Earth Ch. 01

By: byIL85



Chapter 1: New Beginnings

Heaven is an interesting place to be. It's never the stereotypical image of clouds and angels that some people have. Although I do think that Heaven is a different place and a different experience for different people. For me it's been reliving every single moment of my life, cherishing the happy times, and being grateful that the tough times have passed. If you can imagine it, it's like spending the days watching reruns of your own life over and over again. There were so many great happy times in my life that overshadowed the darkness; I never get tired of going through it time after time. Of course, a lot of that happiness had to do with love. No, not any kind of love. I mean the soulful merging and partnership of two people joined into one. That's what I had.

I was 21 the year that my soul started singing. It was the year in my life that everything started changing. On a surprisingly cool May morning, I was ready to graduate and receive my bachelor's degree. Alright, alright, it was a degree in Biochemistry, which was more important to me than anything at the time since I had been accepted to Columbia Medical School in New York. How was I supposed to know what I would end up doing in life? Things never work out the way you plan them.

The dean called out, "Evan Thomas Alexander," and I strode proudly across the stage, shook his hand, and flashed my best smile for the numerous cameras in the crowd that I knew my mother and my entire extended family had ready to capture this moment on film.

The rest of that day was simply a blur of family members smothering me in hugs and congratulations, endless amounts of food being shoveled into everyone's mouth, and back at the hotel room that my Uncle James had rented, a lot of drinks for the adults. My older sister Maria flew in all the way from California. I knew she cared about me a lot, but sometimes she got to be a little bit of a pest.

"Evan, don't you think you've had enough?"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head from side to side. Even in my drunken state, Maria found ways to piss me off. 

"Look, Maria," I slurred, "maybe YOU have had enough to drink, but I graduated today, my party is just getting started." I poured myself another shot of vodka from my own 375mL bottle. The "Evan Special" is what I always called it.

"You know that's ridiculous! I don't drink! I know Mom and Uncle James went through a lot of trouble to have this party for you, but that doesn't mean you should go around acting like a drunken ass."

I started laughing uncontrollably at her. "Mare," my insulting nickname for her, "you can do whatever you like. This is my party and I'm gonna get drunk if I want to." Uncle James chose this exact moment to walk by. He clapped me on the back, ruffled my hair and said, "Good boy." 

Maria whirled on the ball of her foot and stomped off to her room in disgust. I assumed that she was going to take care of her three kids. That's where her nickname came from. She was only 2 years older than me, but she had somehow managed to finish college and pump out three little monsters, all a testament to the good looks of their mother and father. 

I must have passed out after a while of joking and laughing with my relatives because the next thing I knew, the party had died down and someone's weight was lightly balanced on my legs. 

"Hi, baby."

Through my drunken haze, I titled my head forward and looked up at my girlfriend. I always wondered how I was lucky enough to get a girl like Jane. Calling her gorgeous didn't do her justice. She had long auburn hair that she always wore straight down to the middle of her back. Her hazel eyes sparkled with warmth and compassion, the kind of eyes that your grandmother has that always send warm shivers up and down your back. That girl had a smile ready whenever you needed. And she was mine. I cooed and nuzzled my head into her lap as she softly stroked my curly black hair. 

She rolled my head back a little so that she could look into my eyes. "Sweetie, you're drunk, let's get you to bed." 

She lifted herself off of me and helped me to my feet. I staggered and swayed to the hotel bedroom on the far side of the suite. Jane looped her arm around my waist and swung my left arm over her shoulders. She was a respectable height of 5'7'', but it must have been tough for her to guide my 6'2'' frame to the room. Somehow she managed to do it though. She always did anything when she put her mind to it. I loved this girl. I fell into the bed, or maybe it was that she pushed me, and tried to undo the buckle on my belt. When I couldn't do it after three tries or so, I fell back into a giggling heap on the bed. Jane calmly and patiently helped me get out of my pants and button down shirt. She pulled off my socks and boxers and slid my body under the covers.

I didn't remember anything else until the next morning when the sun came in through the window and called me out of my sleep. I stirred, turned over on my side, and opened my eyes to find two burning amber eyes staring at me.

"Hi." I murmured.

"Hi, yourself," she replied, smiling warmly at me.

"What time did you get in last night?" I adjusted myself so that I was more comfortable with my head propped up on my right hand. 

She reached out and stroked my face as she talked. "Oh, around 12:15 or so. I kept trying to get here earlier, but every time I thought it was safe to leave, my mom would break down again. Laura and I had to try to calm her down until we finally resolved to give her a sedative that put her to bed. As soon as I could, I rushed up here to be with you. I'm only sorry that I couldn't be at the graduation."

I looked at her in disbelief. "Jane, baby, I understand why you couldn't be there. Your dad just—"

"Stepdad."

"Fine. Your stepdad just died. It was important for you to be there for your mom and your family."

She sighed deeply. "I know, but it's not as if we were ever very close. You know how this feels, Evan. The same thing happened with you. Your mom drove your dad away when you were 5 years old, she got remarried twice and divorced twice, and you know that neither of those stepdads ever really cared anyway. You haven't even talked to them since the divorces. Jim and I were never really close anyway. He married my mom while I was in college, so I only saw him for a few days at a time during the holidays, and we never developed any sort of bond other than the fact that we acknowledged that the other existed. So I hope you know that my boyfriend's graduation is more important to me than the funeral of a man I hardly knew. I love you, Evan."

I leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips. "I know you do." However, in the back of my mind I always worried about Jane's bitterness towards her family. She and her twin sister Laura had lost their father to a shooting that occurred when he tried unsuccessfully to break up a drug deal in Philadelphia, the city we all grew up in. After that, her mom went from guy to guy trying to replace Jane's father, but neither Jane nor Laura ever let anyone else step in to take the place of their dad. Not even the slightest bit. I had a tough time with my family's drama as well, but it never really got to me. Like Jane said, my mom drove my dad away and tried to substitute a father and husband in as quickly as possible. The sad part is that Maria and I knew we would never have to put up with her boyfriends and husbands for long. Deep down, we both knew that my mom still loved our dads and that no other men could fill those places in her heart. It's just that my mother always had a way of driving away the ones she loved. Her boyfriends simply left after trying to measure up to her expectations; none of them could match our dads. In fact, my mother had a way of doing that with her whole family. Out of her 5 brothers and sisters, both of her parents, and her numerous cousins, aunts, and uncles, only Uncle James, Maria, and myself found a way to put up with her theatrics. The only reason that the rest of her family even showed up for my graduation was for me. They most certainly didn't want to have to deal with my mother for longer than was necessary.

Jane stretched and yawned like a sleepy puppy. She sat up straight and smelled the air. "Smells like someone's made breakfast. Want to see what's cookin'?" She grinned.

"Uh huh. As soon as I get another one of these." I sat up and kissed her again. I put a lot into that kiss, trying to let her know how much I loved her and how much I knew she was hurting even if she didn't admit it. I broke away from her as I realized something. "You know, this is the first time we've slept in the same bed since we were kids."

She rolled her eyes and groaned. "I know, I know. My mother would kill me if she saw me now. But you were so far gone last night that I was afraid to leave you. You were practically shivering when you went to bed. I wanted to warm you up if I could." 

Jane's mom was devoutly Catholic, and even though Laura and Jane were not as into it as their mother, they still respected her wish that neither of them have sex or even sleep with a man until they were married. It didn't matter when we were young and growing up and one of us would have to sleep in the other's bed due to our refusal to have the other sleep on the floor, but as soon as Jane hit puberty, her mother put a stop to it. Of course, Jane had seen me naked before because we had been dating for 18 months. It was only natural that we had fooled around in that time, but we didn't dare tell that to her mother. She was still a virgin, but I wasn't, so certain pleasures couldn't go unfulfilled. I never pushed her into it, but Jane loved me enough to know what I needed. 

I hopped out of bed and fished out a fresh pair of boxers from my suitcase. I always had to sleep naked. Always. It was more comfortable that way and I certainly didn't have anything to be ashamed of. Not to sound vain, but I was a good-looking man, and I knew it. I was bi-racial since my mother was white and from what I remember, my father was a black businessman that had moved to Philadelphia about nine months before I was born. I was 6'2'', 185lbs with short black curly hair, brown eyes, full lips, and a complexion that allowed me to look black, but I was light enough with primarily European features that allowed me to be able to convince some people that I was white with a heavy summer tan. Not that I needed to deny who I was anyway. I was proud of both of my parents' heritage. 

Jane climbed out of bed and slipped on a cotton robe over her nightgown. I have to admit that I was disappointed. It was my favorite nightgown for her to wear. It moved and hugged every single curve on her beautiful body, and she knew it. My God, that woman was a beauty.

It never bothered me that Jane and I didn't have sex, but it did bother me that I wasn't bothered by the fact that we weren't having sex. I always brushed the thought away by telling myself that this was Jane and that we had been friends for so long and loved each other so much that sex wasn't important. All the other girls that I had slept with in college were simply girls that I didn't care about as much. Denial is an ugly thing.

I followed Jane into the kitchen where Maria was finishing off a room service breakfast. Four other plates of food were on a cart with fresh fruit and coffee. Jane helped herself to one of the plates, but I went over and hugged Maria.

"I'm sorry about last night," I said as I kissed her cheek and pouted. 

"You're not getting out of this that easily, Buster. Go on."

I took in a deep breath. "I'm sorry that I got drunk last night and set a bad example for your children. I was very excited about graduating from college and becoming ready to handle a lot of new responsibility in my life even though I didn't behave responsibly. I didn't mean to call you a mare because you have produced three wonderful children, not horses. And you are the most wonderful and fantastic sister in the world that anyone could ask for. How was that?" My chest heaved as I tried to take in a breath after saying all of that in one breath.

Maria stood up with her plate and returned the kiss I gave her. "That's better," she said, patting my cheek like a little boy. Her devilish side kicked in and she squeezed my cheeks together and in her best baby-talk said, "My little Evan is just growing up too fast. I have to make sure that he stays in line."

I rubbed my cheeks and stuck my tongue out at her. As I walked over to get a plate for myself, Maria settled herself on one of the living room couches. I stuffed my face full of eggs and bacon as I talked to Maria between mouthfuls. 

"So how is Mark doing?"

"He's doing fine. He said that learning Japanese from a book and some audio tapes is completely different from being put in the middle of Tokyo and finding your way around. He seems to be enjoying himself in the time that the has between meetings." She paused for a moment as she flipped through channels on TV. "The kids and I really miss him though."

"He'll be back in a week or so won't he?" Jane asked. 

Maria sighed. "Yes, if everything with the merger goes according to plan. He should be back around May 29th or so. It's just that he's already been gone for a week and a half. I miss him."

Maria and Mark had gotten married right when she graduated from Brown University. They had their first baby, Joseph, five months after her graduation, and the twins, Daniel and Sara, eleven months after that. Now they all lived in L.A. where Mark's company had moved him and Maria took care of the kids before she launched her own career. I really missed my sister. I secretly wished that Mark would have to move to New York so that I would get to see them whenever I wanted. 

Maria noticed the thoughtful expression on my face. "Penny for your thoughts?"

"Hmm? Oh, it's nothing." I decided to change the subject rather than make her feel guilty about moving so far away from us. "Are Mom and Uncle James still asleep?"

"No. Uncle James wanted to give Mom something special, so he took her to Tiffany's."

"Isn't she spoiled enough?" I groaned as Jane kicked my leg under the table and Maria gave me a disapproving glare. 

"I think that it's sweet that James still takes care of his little sister," said Maria. "I know that when I'm older I expect you to buy me presents and take care of me." She flashed me a smile and batted her blue eyes. 

"You're my older sister. You should be the one buying me gifts."

"I'm sure we can overlook that minor detail when you're rich and successful. It would be nice to have both my husband and my brother tending to my every need. Mark is going to buy me a Mercedes, and I want you to buy me a Jaguar."

"Keep dreaming," I said. I cleared my plate and Jane's from the table and put them back on the cart. Jane headed off to the bathroom and I plopped down on the couch next to my sister. I snuggled up next to her and put my head on her lap as she changed the channel to A Wedding Story.

"Oh, no!" I complained.

"Oh, yes! I got to the remote first. You just get to watch whatever I put on."

At that moment, I heard crying sounds from Maria's bedroom and the sound quickly doubled in volume. The twins were awake. 

"Looks like the remote is mine. You've got baby duty." I grinned and reached for the remote.

Nothing ever seemed to go my way though. Jane came out of the bathroom and said that she would be more than happy to handle the twins. She must have heard the argument Maria and I had because she smiled brilliantly at me as she walked into the bedroom.

"Ha!" Maria exclaimed. "I win!"

After a minute or so, little Joseph came out of the bedroom sleepily rubbing his eyes. He was always a quiet kid for his age. His mother called to him and he came to stand in front of the sofa. She carefully lifted him, and he cuddled against her side and fell fast asleep.

As the crying continued and Jane was occupied, Maria took the opportunity to interrogate me about our relationship. 

"So, while we're watching A Wedding Story," she began, trying her best to be subtle, "when are you going to ask Jane to marry you?" 

I knew this was coming. There was no way that it wasn't coming. I had spent the better part of my weekend avoiding this question. Now I had to think of an excuse that would be good enough to satisfy Maria. 

"Well, we're awfully young. I thought that we should wait a little longer." Yup. That was the best answer I could come up with. Pitiful isn't it?

Maria shifted her legs so that I was looking right into her face. "Is that the best you can come up with? You are talking to the wrong person about getting married young. You'll be 22 in three months. That's how old I was when I got married, and Mark and I are doing just fine. Try again."

I crinkled my face and frowned in an attempt to think of something else. "We haven't had a chance to live together yet?"

Maria shook her head. "That's never going to happen anyway. You know her mom won't allow that until you're married. That's strike two." 

The crying from the bedroom began to die down, but that didn't distract Maria. She kept her eyes locked on me the whole time. 

"We haven't established our careers and ourselves as individuals?" I suggested, knowing that I had lost.

To humor me, Maria actually pretended to turn this over in her head for awhile. "Well," she said thoughtfully, "you've been friends since you were 9 years old, you went to separate colleges and only started dating each other a couple of years ago, and now you're starting medical school here in New York while she continues to study architecture here in New York. I'd say that you've established yourselves separately and are pretty well-grounded for marriage. That's strike three, Evan, so why don't you tell me the real reason?"

I lifted my head and sighed. I had to tell someone, and it was going to be Maria one way or another. "I just don't think that it's going to work. I love Jane. I really do. But there just feels like there's something missing from our relationship. It's not sex or anything, but I don't feel connected to her like I think I should be. She's my best friend, but lately it feels like that's been it. Our relationship isn't really passionate, not that it was ever wild in the first place. I see the way that you and Mark still look at each other after being together for years, and I'm jealous. It doesn't feel like the passion should have died already."

"Exactly."

I looked at her with a strange look on my face. She must have sensed my confusion because she continued.

"Well, I've been watching you two and talking to Jane, and it seems like the two of you are continuing this relationship out of duty. Her duty to her mother to be a good, Catholic wife, and your duty to be the sweetheart we all know you are and marry your best friend." 

"I hate it when you're right," I groaned as I collapsed back into her lap. "What am I going to do about this?" 

The conversation was cut short as Jane came back into the living room cradling Sara in her arms. 

"I'm sorry to break this up. I fed both of them and got Daniel back to sleep, but Sara keeps whimpering." 

I sat up as Maria stood up and took Sara from Jane. This meant that Joseph was without a pillow. He woke up and looked around to check where he was. After seeing his mother leave to take care of his sister, he moaned and whined and crawled into my lap to go back to sleep. 

Jane sat down in one of the chairs opposite from the couch. She looked over at my little nephew coiled and lightly snoring in my lap and smiled. I smiled back and we sat in silence for about ten minutes. I guess Jane didn't know how much of a sound sleeper Joseph was because the next time she spoke, she whispered. 


Heaven On Earth Ch. 01



"He sure looks cute like that." I smiled in response but didn't say anything. "Do you think our kids will ever be that cute?"

"Well, of course they will be," I said. "Look at their mother." 

Jane beamed at the compliment. "Would you mind if I held him for a little while?"

As gently as I could, I lifted Joseph off of my lap and succeeded in not waking him. Jane stood up a little and smoothed the wrinkles out of her white gown. She reached out for Joseph and cradled him to her chest as she sat down. 

"You're going to make an excellent father one of these days, Evan," she said as she softly stroked Joseph's blond hair. 

I started to respond, but I thought better of it. This was not a conversation I wanted to continue right now. Fortunately, my mother and uncle chose that exact moment to walk back into the suite. 

"Ooooh, now where's my graduate!?" She spotted me on the couch, but didn't seem to notice Jane with the sleeping Joseph. "There he is!!!" She ran over to hug and squeeze my neck. 

"Mom," I gasped for breath, "we've done this already. I already graduated yesterday. You can stop celebrating now."

"Oh, but I'm so excited!! My baby finished college and now he's going to medical school!" She was practically screaming at this point, and that brought more cries from Maria's bedroom.

"Mom! I just got Sara to sleep and now you've started up Daniel again!" Maria said as she angrily stomped into the living room while rocking her tiny child back and forth in her arms. 

Joseph woke up in Jane's. He got up and started asking his mother about breakfast.

My mother gave that goofy apologetic face that she always puts on. She knew exactly what she was doing the moment she walked into the hotel suite. "Sorry, Maria. I was just so excited about my little graduate." That threw her into another series of squeals and hugs as I fought for my life struggling on the couch.

Uncle James stood back and watched the whole scene with laughter. I loved that man, but sometimes I really wished he would have helped out more often when his sister was obviously torturing her children. Oh, how she loved to make us uncomfortable. Not that there was much he could have done anyway. He may have been older and wiser, but that didn't mean that my mother didn't get the best of him at every opportunity. 

I think now would be a good time to draw the comparison between my mother and my uncle. Physically, they were the same person. They both had short dark brown hair, sparkling green eyes, and huge smiles that never failed to get a smile in return. Neither of them had been able to outgrow the other, which shouldn't have been too much of a challenge since they were both 5'5''. In all honesty, it was like being raised by twin parents since Uncle James filled the role of being a father to both Maria and myself after her dad died and my dad kicked his ass in gear back to wherever he came from after being tired of being with my mother. 

In terms of personality, they were polar opposites. My mother was giddy and excitable, often reminding people of the energy that a much younger woman or a young girl would have. Uncle James was more quiet and subdued, generally going along with whatever my mother was doing. Whatever plan she was scheming in her head, he was usually right there with her. His most common role in these was providing her with money. 

When the laughter subsided, my mother sat down on the couch next to me. Suddenly, she did a double take.

"Evan, where are your clothes? You're only wearing underwear! You need to put something else on!"

"Oh, Mom, leave Evan alone. It's too early to start this," Maria said juggling both the whimpering Daniel and the hungry Joseph. 

"Shush, Maria. Evan, we've been through this. When there's company, you need to put on clothes. It's inappropriate to walk around naked."

"Mom, all the guests have left. It's just family here. And I'm not naked!"

"Well, nearly naked is close enough to being naked. At any minute your ding-a-ling could come peaking out through that hole!"

"MOM!"

"You're only upset with me because I'm telling the truth."

"But do you have to say things like 'ding-a-ling?' I mean, who says that?" The blush creeped up around my cheeks. I hated when she embarrassed me on purpose. 

"All I'm saying is that you should put on some clothes before we all get to know you better than we want to."

I sighed disgustedly and got up to put on some more clothes. You would think that after 21 years I would have been used to being treated like I was 3 years old. Somehow it always got to me anyway.

I slipped on a pair of jeans and a black tank top. I purposely stayed barefoot since I knew that would get to my mother. When I came back into the living room, everyone was seated. Uncle James had taken a seat in between my mother and Maria who was still rocking Daniel. All eyes were fixed on me when I sat down on the last chair in the room. 

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Your Uncle James and I have a gift for you, Evan." My mother's smile was frighteningly big at this point. 

"What is it?"

Uncle James tossed me a small white box with a silver ribbon on it. I looked at him questioningly, but he just winked. I opened the box and found a small golden key inside. I still didn't understand.

"Ok. It's a key. A key to what?"

Uncle James and Mom exchanged a look that decided that she would be the one to tell me. There were times that they functioned as one mind. 

"To your new apartment!!" 

My breath caught in my throat. I had already been looking at apartments, but I only had enough money saved up for some of the cheap one-bedroom apartments. If Uncle James got it for me, I knew it had to be incredible.

"Wh-where is it?" I managed to stammer. I was practically shaking with excitement.

Mom couldn't control herself anymore. "It's a wonderful apartment in SoHo! I wanted to get something for you farther uptown so that you would be closer to the main campus, but James insisted that this would be the best thing for you. Of course, I decided that it was great place for you to have. Oh, it's so spacious! You'll have plenty of room and never feel cramped. Now, when I come to visit I expect the place to be neat. I know how you like to dirty everything up. I am not coming down here to clean for you."

I barely heard any of her babbling after she said, "SoHo." I absolutely couldn't believe it. I nearly cut her off when I asked, "How am I supposed to pay for all of this?" 

Uncle James got up from his seat and patted me on the back. "You just let me take care of this. Consider it my graduation gift to you until you're ready to finish up school and handle it on your own." There was nothing that could stop me from showing all of my teeth as my smile grew from one ear to the other." "Now that we've got that settled, how would you like to go see it?"

Everyone was taken aback when I jumped out of my chair to put some shoes and socks on. I'll admit, I was being worse than a little kid at Christmas, but this was unbelievable. In the 60 seconds it took me to put on shoes and throw a plaid shirt over my top, nobody had moved from their seats. They were all still talking. I looked at them and nearly shouted.

"What are you waiting for!?"

They all turned around and looked at me. The noise had caused Daniel to go into another fit of crying. Maria just glared at me.

***

I couldn't believe my eyes. The place was better than I could have possibly imagined. The three bedroom loft was so much more than I needed. I definitely was not one to complain though. The master bedroom was large with plenty of room for me to put in a king-size bed, dresser, bookshelf, and a love seat that my mom had found in her attic. During that first visit to the apartment, Uncle James told me that he had actually bought the apartment, so I was free to do whatever I wanted with it. Before I had everything moved in, I painted my bedroom a deep, red color. I had always wanted a red bedroom for some strange reason, and now I had one. The master bedroom was connected to a large bathroom with a spacious chrome shower and separate bathtub. The tub was quite large. It could easily fit three people and possibly even four if everyone's legs were thrown together. The hall connected the bedroom to a kitchen that had enough room for a small dining set, but I simply used the casual table and chairs instead of something more extravagant. There was no wall between the kitchen and the living room, but there was a bar in the living room that was connected to the kitchen so that I could serve guests from the kitchen. The bar stools were comfortable and I knew I was going to get some good use out of them. The living room was nothing special in itself: a few chairs, a coffee table and a TV set. Down the other side of the hall, the apartment opened up into two more smaller bedrooms that shared a connected bathroom. I used one of the bedrooms as a study to put in my computer, a few bookshelves, a treadmill and some weights. I put a queen-size bed in the other bedroom. Jane slept in that room on the nights that it got to be too late for her to go back to her own apartment. There was a balcony connected to the kitchen that had a great view of the city. I put a couple of deck chairs and lounge chairs out there. It was great to have on some of those warm, summer nights. I could go out there by myself and sit and think. There wasn't too much quiet with the honking horns and noise of the city, but I never minded anyway. All together it was a very warm and inviting apartment. 

I don't know what I did to deserve Uncle James' favor like this, but I was certainly grateful. He had given our family a lot while we were growing up since he could afford it from his several businesses. Mom never really worked. She usually relied on her husbands to cover the financial expenses, but since she had been single for the past 5 years since her last husband left her, she had fallen back on Uncle James. By the time I moved into my apartment, he was approaching 60, but he was always too generous to say no. Despite the 7 year difference between him and my mother, they had always had a very close relationship. 

Even though most of my expenses were paid for by James, and I had enough money in savings and graduation gifts to cover the additional costs, I insisted on getting a job anyway. It didn't feel right for me to benefit so much from my uncle and not do anything in return. I volunteered at a community center over in Brooklyn. It was called Millennium Park Community Center. There were a lot of activities and playground areas for the younger children and games and relaxation areas for the elderly. Mostly the place just needed a lot of fixing up, so there were about 100 or so volunteers for the whole project. The majority of the volunteers were local people or high school students who didn't seem to want to be there. It was tiresome at times to be involved with disgruntled and rebellious teenagers, but it was only for the summer.

About four weeks after I moved into my apartment, it was time for me to visit my mother for her 52nd birthday. She had moved to Stamford, CT to live with my uncle during my senior year in college. After Maria and I had left, she was tired of being alone. I was only going to be there for the weekend, so I didn't bother packing many clothes. Actually, I just cleared some room in my smelly gym bag and tossed some shirts and pants into there. My mom was right; I am a slob. 

Instead of taking my Jeep Grand Cherokee, I decided to catch the train. There was no sense in trying to get stuck in the weekend traffic out of the city. I locked the apartment, turned on the alarm, and headed downstairs to catch a cab. 

I wasn't finished working at the community center until 3:30 or so, which meant it had taken me about an hour and a half to get back home, shower, and get downstairs. 5 o'clock traffic in New York City. Good times. There was already another guy outside of my building with a suitcase leaning his hand into the street and whistling in an attempt to catch a taxi. Seeing very little opportunity for me to get a cab with him in front of me, I thought it would be better to see if that suitcase meant he was heading out of town like me. 

I tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned around I think my eyes widened and stared for a minute. I was man enough to admit when another man was good looking, but damn, this guy was stunning. He was a little taller than I was, maybe 6'3'' or 6'4'', his wavy black hair was slightly messy but it fit him perfectly. The most astonishing part of him was the color of his eyes. I remembered a brochure for Mexico that I had looked over for a Spring Break trip with my college buddies. His eyes looked exactly like the ocean off the Mexican west coast. I must have been staring pretty hard because I saw his lips move, but I didn't hear anything come out of them. 

"Yes?" he repeated after a moment. Apparently he must have been sizing me up as well. 

I shook myself out of my trance. "Sorry. I was wondering where you were headed. I'm going to Grand Central and thought that we might be able to share a cab."

He smiled and I swear I almost fell over. "That's perfect. I'm heading there as well." 

"Great. Great." I managed to get out after an awkward pause. I was staring into those eyes again. He nodded and turned back to his task of trying to hail a taxi. After another two minutes or so, he was able to get one. We both tossed our bags into the trunk, and I climbed into the cab after him. For some reason the song "You Were Meant for Me" by Jewel popped into my head. And I couldn't stop singing in my head as we rode along.

After a few minutes into the ride, he stuck out his hand and said, "Brian Davis."

"Evan Alexander." I smiled warmly and shook his hand.

"Where are you going once you get to Grand Central, Evan?"

"Stamford. I'm going to visit my uncle and my mother for her birthday."

"Oh, excellent. We'll be on the same train. I'm heading off to New Haven to visit my parents as well."

Excellent? How could this be excellent? I was supposed to come up with another hour of conversation with this man who already caused my jaw to hang open wordlessly. 

"I think I've seen you around a few times before. You live in that building back there don't you?"

"Yes," I replied. "I live on the top floor."

He chuckled to himself before going on. "Maybe that's why I don't see you too often then. I'm only on the third floor. I suppose you don't pass down my way a lot do you?" 

"No, I guess not." What was I doing? Why could I not seem to say anything at all? My mother could hold a conversation with a wall, why couldn't I talk to this gorgeous man sitting no more than 8 inches from me. I gathered my nerves and tried to start a conversation. "So what do you do?" Ok, it was lame, but it was the best I could come up with. 

"Actually I'm only a graduate student over at Columbia. I'm working on my PhD in English. I've got another year before I finish."

"Oh, I'll be starting at the medical school pretty soon."

He laughed again in his baritone voice. This time it sent shocks up and down my spine. "Good luck. I've got a few friends over there that say it's not an easy time. You're in for the ride of your life. Did you take a few years off to do something in between? You don't look as young as most first year med students."

"Well, I'm only 21 and I just graduated from college, so I guess that makes me pretty young."

Brian seemed to be thinking about something for a moment. The car fell back into an awkward silence as we slowly made our way through traffic towards the station. The driver dropped us off on East 42nd street, and we both paid our share. As soon as we were out of the cab, I gathered up the courage to start another friendly chat. 

"So how long have you been here in New York?" I asked. 

"It'll be 8 years in the fall. I started off undergrad at NYU, I graduated with a degree in English, and then took a year off to do an internship with the New York Times before starting my doctoral degree at Columbia. I've already finished 3 years out of the 4 year program, so this may be my last year here."

"Wow. You must really know your way around the city." Was I dumb or what?

"Yea, I'd say I know all the good places to go. If this is your first year here, I'd be more than happy to show you around sometime. I'm from the suburbs of Boston, but New York can be a pretty scary place when you first start out. Here, let me give you my number." 

He pulled out a piece of paper from his pants pocket and scribbled down his name and number. "Now if you ever need any advice, I'll be more than happy to give it to you. Or if you just want to drop by my apartment and have a chat, I'm always up for it." He smiled and handed me the paper.

"Thanks," I said as we entered the main lobby of Grand Central Station. It turned out that we weren't going to be on the same train. He was catching the express train that didn't make as many stops. I cordially said good-bye to him with the lyrics of the Jewel song playing over and over in my head and secretly wishing that he was on my train.

I got onto the train wondering to myself what it was that made me feel so drawn to this man after only knowing him for half an hour.



Heaven On Earth Ch. 02



Heaven on Earth: Chapter 2 Fireworks

The weekend after I got back from my mother’s house, I decided to go to a few bars with a couple of college friends, Robert and Steve. They both lived in New York, so we got together from time to time. Then again, I suppose that calling them friends would be a bit much. They were more friends that I used for convenience. I hadn’t really made a lot of time for socializing, nor did I have many friends in the city at the time. 

Anyway, we had gone to some bars on Friday night, and I was so drunk. I stopped counting the number of shots after 3 shots of vodka and 2 shots of tequila. As much as I hate to admit it, I was a lightweight drinker compared to all my friends despite my extended history with alcohol. The guys were somewhat more sober than I was, so they dropped me off at my apartment and headed off once I got inside the front door. If only they had stayed a little longer because I was a wreck. I staggered and stumbled my way to the elevator. I tripped and fell face first on the tile floor. I put my hand on the side of my head and felt a large knot forming under my eyebrow, but something in me just laughed it off. The next time I tried walking, I put my arms out to the side as if I were walking on a tight-rope. I giggled and balanced myself and then lost control when I started spinning around and laughing at my own foolish behavior. By this time, the security guard had grown rather suspicious and was walking towards me. Before he could say anything, I felt one strong arm around my waist and a powerful, yet gentle, hand pressed against my chest. 

“It’s ok, Dave. I can take him up to his room,” said Brian.

I looked over at the security guard who nodded and went back to his post, and then I looked up at Brian. He had a worried look on his face and I wondered to myself what could be upsetting him. We stepped onto the elevator, and my foot caught the space between the floor and the elevator compartment and I almost tripped again. Lucky for me, Brian was there the entire time; I was never in any danger of falling.

“What floor?” he asked.

“Fourteenth.”

I must have really been out of it because the next thing I realized was that there was a woman on the elevator, and we were stopping on the 12th floor. I caught what looked to be a sympathetic glance back at us as she stepped off, but I was drunk. It could have been anything. We went one more level up to the 14th floor and Brian helped me off. Not that I ever believed in superstition or anything, but apparently an unlucky floor did not sound appealing to the architects and engineers that designed the building. My apartment was the only one up there, so Brian led me to the door and asked me for my key. I patted around in my pockets for a while and finally pulled my key out. He took the key from me, opened the door, and laid me down on one of the living room couches. As I lay back with my eyes shut, I could hear the kitchen cabinets opening and closing as Brian looked around in them. My first instinct was to yell at him for stealing my kitchenware, but I stopped myself and thought for a moment. I was DRUNK. This man wasn’t trying to steal my stuff. Tears started rolling down my face as I realized my atrocious behavior for the past ten minutes or so. I was such an idiot.

Brian walked over with two glasses of water and handed one of them to me.

“Drink this.”

I started sipping on the water, thinking how foolish I must look to him.

“No, no, drink it quickly.” I realized later that he was trying to get me to throw up all the alcohol in my stomach. 

I gulped down the rest of it. He handed me the other glass and told me drink that too. After I finished, I rested my head on my shoulder and fixed my glassy, unfocused eyes on his. I was absolutely lost in those eyes. In fact, I was so lost (and drunk) that I thought I was still looking into his eyes after he moved around to my side. I didn’t realize that he had moved until his hands hooked under my arms and he lifted me to my feet. 

“Where’s your bathroom?”

I pointed down the hall to the bedroom. We walked through and into the bathroom. I saw the toilet, and almost on cue, I started puking everywhere. I’m sure it was a mess because I slipped, fell to my knees and started scrambling for the toilet, emptying my stomach as I went. I put my head into the toilet and just kept going. Behind me, I felt Brian reach around and stroke the front of my face and rub my back and shoulders. I sighed and relaxed my muscles as he made circles with his hand before exploding again. 

After 10 minutes or so, or maybe it was an hour, he seemed to pretty sure that I was done throwing up. I was dizzy and light-headed at this point, but I did feel a little better. At least I was thinking a little more clearly than before. I looked down at myself and at the bathroom floor, both were covered in vomit. I started crying again as I looked over at Brian and saw that he, too, was incredibly dirty. 

I recovered what little sense I had left and managed to croak out, “I need to shower.”

“A shower?” Brian asked. “Is that what you said?”

My throat must have been drier than I thought. This time I just nodded my head and got up to walk over to the shower. I reached inside the stall and twisted the knobs. It’s not as if I had much of a concept of temperature, so I accidentally put on more hot water than I intended to. I stepped out of my clothes and was about to get in when Brian crossed the room. He put a hand on my shoulder and stopped me.

“Are you sure you’re ok to get in there?” he asked. I sort of mindlessly shook my head no. 

“I smell so bad.” Oh, yes. I was Evan Alexander, Master of the Obvious.  Tears welled up in my eyes again.

“I know. It’s ok. It’s ok.” He tried to calm me down, but all of tonight’s frustration was really getting to me. “Do you want me to help you?” he asked quietly.

I must have looked like a pitiful little boy with my lip poked out as I slowly nodded my head. Brian undressed himself and stepped in with me. Like I said, the water was too hot and we both cried out when it hit our skin. He pulled me out of the spray and reached around me to turn up the cold water. Once the water was at a comfortable temperature, he maneuvered me back into the center of the stall. I grabbed my washcloth and soap and started cleaning myself off. I made a few lame attempts at trying to reach my back, but my coordination was still off.

“Um, do you want me to help you?” Brian asked heisitantly. 

I must have looked fairly scared, but I managed to tell him yes. I gave him the washcloth and turned to face the water as he moved in behind me. He spread the soap all the way from my shoulder blades to the small of my back, rubbing the tension out of my muscles and coming dangerously and pleasurably close to my ass. I started to get a little hard. What could I do? It felt really good. I think I made an audible moan because Brian turned me around and looked at me questioningly as the water rinsed my back. The concerned look on his face was heart-breaking.

“Thanks,” I almost whispered. Suddenly I realized that he hadn’t had a turn to get clean, so I dumbly handed the washcloth over to him. No matter what I did, I always felt like an ass around Brian. I felt as if every one of my actions were put to the test and I never seemed to measure up.

Of course, it wasn’t him that made me feel this way. It was my own insecurity and paranoia. All he did was smile warmly at me and start soaping himself. I watched him as he washed himself, and I noticed that he must work out fairly regularly. After staring at him, I think he began to feel my eyes looking at him. I was sort of embarrassed that he had to wash my back for me, so I turned him around and took the cloth from him. 

“Fair is fair,” I said. He gave me a sort of crooked grin and slowly turned around, and I began scrubbing his backside.

I got really excited washing his back, but fortunately it was an experience that passed quickly enough for me not to get too embarrassed. He shivered a few times as I dragged the cloth across his skin, but it was probably because I was still right under the shower and blocking him from the warm water. We switched places and I unconsciously kept my hands on his back as we turned. I met his eyes as we moved around the shower stall. Again, he smiled and said “Thanks.” Once he was done rinsing, I turned off the water, and we both stepped out. Although I was still somewhat groggy, the shower had cleared my head enough so that I could walk over to the side closet and grab some towels for us. 

We walked into the bedroom in silence as we toweled off. I pulled some running shorts and an old t-shirt out of a drawer and tossed them to Brian. 

“Sorry about your clothes.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied, pulling on the shorts.

I moved over to the bed and left my crumpled towel on the floor. I slid under the covers and fell asleep faster than I expected to. 

***

The next morning, I awoke to sounds of someone moving around in the kitchen. Remembering the events of the previous night, I put on some boxers and a t-shirt and headed into the living room. Brian was making coffee as I sat down at the bar. 

“Good morning, kiddo. How’d you sleep?” he asked.

“Well, I slept ok. It’s the hangover that’s killing me now,” I answered while squeezing and rubbing at my head.”

“You have to be more careful when you drink,” he winked at me and gave me a sympathetic look. I’m sure my face had already started to deepen in color. 

I nodded my head in response. Was it just me or was his voice awfully loud?

“How do you take your coffee?” he moved over to the coffee maker. 

“On mornings like these? Black.”

“Black it is,” he said. “I usually take mine with a lot of cream and sugar, but it seems like you and I could both use coffee strong enough to pour itself this morning.” He passed me a mug of scalding hot coffee, but I threw back the first sip even though it burned my tongue. I muttered my thanks and lowered my head a little to stare directly into the cup. He came around the bar and sat on the stool next to me. It was then that I noticed he was wearing jeans and a button down shirt.

“You’re not wearing the clothes from last night.”

He looked down at himself. “No, after you went to sleep, I crashed on the sofa in your room so that I could hear you if anything was wrong. I woke up about twenty minutes ago, went down to my apartment and changed. Don’t worry about the shirt and shorts. I’ll wash those for you.”

“Don’t be silly,” I said. “You act as if you haven’t already done enough.”

“It was nothing. Better me than Dave the security guard. He probably would have gotten a nasty surprise if he tried to pat you down and find anything on you.”

I laughed sarcastically at his joke. “Thanks, Brian.  I don’t know how I can repay you.”

“Evan, right?” I nodded. “What are neighbors for if they don’t keep you from vomiting all over the public elevator?”

“Great, just make me feel worse than I already do.” I groaned, but he could tell I wasn’t serious, so he just laughed at the expression I made when I said it.

“I can’t believe there’s no one else here to help you out. You live in this apartment alone?” 

“Yea. It turns out that my uncle knows the owner of the building, so he got a pretty sweet deal and bought the loft.”

“Lucky guy. It’s certainly much better than my little two bedroom, one bathroom hole downstairs.” 

“Well, it’s not like I expected to come in and share my ‘inner self’ with the bathroom floor on a nightly basis. Shit, I need to go clean that up.”  I started to get up, but Brian put a hand on my arm.

“Already taken care of, buddy. Just relax.”

“You really didn’t need to do that,” I protested. “Putting up with me must have been terrible.”

”Like I said before, Evan, it was my pleasure.” I raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, ‘pleasure’ may not be the right word, but it certainly made my evening more interesting. That was a nice fireworks display you had there.”

I laughed at my own expense. “Hopefully, there won’t be a repeat peformance next weekend on the 4th of July.”

“I surely hope not. Speaking of that, I was wondering if you wanted to join me and a few of my friends for a cookout on the roof on the 4th. We already reserved the space, and when my friend Erica saw you on the elevator last night, she looked at me and said that you looked like a man in need of an old-fashioned, home-cooked meal.”

“She would be absolutely correct in saying that. In the month that I’ve been here, I can’t say that I’ve eaten a lot more than take-out and microwavable food. I’m dying for some real food, but I’m a terrible cook.”

“Perfect. We’re going to start next Friday at around 6:30. Oh, and since everyone’s bringing something to the cookout, maybe you should just bring chips for about six or seven people. We wouldn’t want you poisoning us with your cooking.” A big smile spread across his face and I couldn’t help but smile back. 

“That sounds great to me.” I paused for a moment. “You know, my girlfriend could probably make some of her famous baked beans. Is it ok if I bring her along as well?”

The look on Brian’s face changed a little. “Sure,” he said, “the more the merrier.” 

“Great!”  I suddenly realized that I didn’t know what time it was at all. I glanced at the clock on the microwave and saw that it was 10:25. “Shit!” I exclaimed. “I was supposed to put in some extra hours at the community center today!” I slurped down the rest of my coffee and ran to the bedroom. As I put on some of my old painting clothes, I heard Brian call out.

“What community center do you work at?”

“Millenium Park over in Brooklyn!” I shouted over my shoulder, frantically trying to pull on some socks. “I was supposed to be there at 10:00! I’m going to be so late by the time I got all the way out there.”

“Good luck then. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yea, I’ve got your number, I’ll give you a call.” I heard the front door in the living room close. About five minutes later, after brushing my teeth and struggling to put my hair in some sort of order, I rushed out of the door and into the city.

***

Jane came over later that night. She started dinner as I got back into the shower. Fortunately the volunteer coordinator wasn’t too upset that I was late, but it definitely took a long time to finish all of our painting for the day. Since Jane had a key to my apartment, she had already started dinner by the time I got home. 

I walked into the kitchen and hugged her waist. 

“Lasagna. My favorite, babe, thanks.” I kissed her neck, but she shifted uncomfortably in my arms.

“Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. Now, go sit down and stop molesting the chef.” I turned away from her with a pout, but she surprised me and pinched my ass as I walked away. I jumped and she gave me a devilish grin.

By a few minutes, she really meant fifteen. I sat at the table in bored anticipation. “You could at least set the table while you’re sitting there doing nothing,” she said as she pulled it out of the oven. I stuck my tongue out at her and got up to get the silverware. Somewhere along the way, my relationship with Jane had become a lot more like my relationship with my sister: childish and familial. 

We sat in relative silence for the whole meal. As she was finishing her salad and I shoveled the second helping of lasagna down my throat, I remembered Brian’s cookout.

“A friend of mine invited us to a cookout for the 4th,” I mumbled through mouthfuls. 

“Evan, didn’t your mother teach you not to chew with your mouth full?” 

I finished off my dinner and gulped down the last of my water. “Do I ever listen to anything my mother says?” I said, smiling one of my best smiles. 

That got a laugh out of her, the first real one that I had heard in awhile. “No, I suppose you don’t. So who is this friend of yours?”

“He’s a guy from downstairs. I met him about a week ago.” 

“Oh, really?” she shifted her glance at me. “I didn’t think that you had met anybody in the building. You told me you stayed up here most of the time.”

I stood up from the table and began to clear my plate, making sure to avoid Jane’s eyes. I I was always such a terrible liar. “I, er, met him when I headed to Mom’s last weekend, and we’ve kept in touch.” Ok, it was most of the truth, just not the whole truth.

Jane stood up after I did and put her plate in the sink along with mine. I washed and she dried. We continued talking as we worked.

“Where is it going to be?”

“Up on the rooftop. We won’t have far to go at all.”

“So what’s his name, where’s he from?” 

I thought the tone in her voice was rather strange. I looked over at her, but she didn’t flinch. She stared right back at me. I went back to washing. “His name is, uh, Brian Davis. He’s from Boston, but he’s working on his PhD over at Columbia.”

“That’s great. The two of you will be close by when you start school again. Maybe he can show you the area around the campus.”

I had to laugh as I finished off the plates and dried my hands. “That’s just what he said. I was wondering if you could make your baked beans for us to bring along because you know that—”

“I know that you can’t cook.” She dried off the last of the plates and wiped her hands on her pants. She leaned up on her tiptoes and gave me a kiss on my scarred cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ve got to get home and finish some building sketches. The life and work of an architect is never over until death.” With that she collected her things and left, blowing me a kiss on her way out of the door. 

I sat down on the couch closest to the TV and dug my fingers between the cushions to find the remote. I always said that you could find the remote as long as you left it in the same spot each time. Once I turned it on, I began flipping through the channels endlessly, making several complete run-throughs of all the stations. Saturday night television, what a waste. I was about to give up when the phone rang.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Hello, is this Evan?” A woman with a rich, southern voice was on the phone.

“Yes, may I ask who’s calling?”

“This is Erica Stone, Brian’s friend. We…met briefly on the elevator last night.”

“Oh, I remember.” Again, not a complete lie. “But, how did you get my number?” 

“My best friend and her boyfriend used ta live in that apartment, so I guessed that they hadn’t changed the number. Brian told me that he invited you to the cookout on Friday. I wanted to get to know you a little better before then. A few of us are going to be hangin’ out down here in my apartment, 12A, so I was wondering if you’d like to stop by and talk for awhile. That is, if you’re not doin’ anything else tonight.”

“Um, I’d love to. What time?”

“Let’s say around 9:30? Brian’s been telling me all about you. I can’t wait to really meet you this time.” She hung up and left me staring at the phone. 



I replayed her words in my head. “Brian’s been telling me all about you.” There wasn’t really much to tell. We had only met twice, and the latest development wasn’t the most enjoyable of occasions. I clicked off the phone. Unless it was that he told her about what happened in the shower. Despite the fact that I had been busy all day, I had spent most of my breaks and my time in the car thinking about Brian. I kept trying to convince myself that my enjoyment from last night was some drunken thrill, but the more I denied it, the more I realized that I had wanted Brian to touch me, and I wanted to touch him. What was this supposed to mean? I didn’t like men. Did I? I turned the TV off and went into the bedroom trying to shake the thoughts of Brian from my head. I had a little more than two hours before going downstairs, so I decided to take a nap. 




Heaven On Earth Ch. 02



Something inside of me took over and I started humming. It wasn’t any song in particular, it was just something I was making up as I went along. I hummed softly and eventually lulled myself to sleep. 

The sound of fists pounding on my door caused me to almost jump out of bed. Dazed and confused, I walked to the door and opened it. It almost flung open and hit me in the face. Someone from the other side must have been pushing it. Someone, indeed. It’s not every day that a beautiful woman comes and stands in my doorway. 

“Excuse you?” she said.

Puzzled, I responded with “Excuse me?”

“Yes, I should excuse you. I invite you to my party two hours ago and you don’t show up! I’m gonna need a good reason for this.” Her dark brown eyes drilled into my own.

My wrist shot up as I looked at my watch. 11:20. Shit. “E-Erica,” I stammered, “I am so sorry. I-I was tired and I fell asleep. I really was about to come down but—”

“Sssh. It’s ok I was just jokin’.” We stood there in silence for a minute before she said, “Well, aren’t ya gonna let me in?”

“Oh, yes, of course. Come in.”

She walked in with the elegance of a queen. “Thank you. Damn Yankees and their manners…” She began walking around the apartment as if she owned the place. I smiled as I closed the door; I could already tell that I was going to like her. 

“Could I get you anything to drink? A soda? A beer?” 

“No, I’m just waitin’ for you to get ready so we can go back downstairs.”

“Back downstairs?”

She crossed the room to stand next to me. She was close enough so that I could smell the shampoo from her shoulder length brown hair. Vanilla, I think. Or maybe Coconut. “Look, sugah, you’re cute, but let’s drop the whole clueless routine k? Now, hurry up and go change! I’ve got guests!”

“Yes, ma’am!” I brought my hand to my head in a mock salute and ran off to the bedroom. After I exchanged my sweats for a pair of tight jeans and my ragged old shirt for a polo shirt, I put on some sandals and met Erica in the living room. I locked the apartment, armed the alarm, and followed her down the flight of stairs to her apartment. 

“Found him!” she announced triumphantly as she opened the door. There were three other people sitting in various chairs and couches around the room. The only one I recognized was Brian. He stood up to come greet me, but Erica beat him to the introductions.

“Everyone, this is Evan. Evan I want you to meet Lisa,” I waved to a dark haired girl on the couch, “Blake,” the tall blond haired guy sitting next to Lisa, “and of course, you already know Brian from…previous experience,” she said, chuckling to herself. 

“Nice to meet you,” I said to all of them in turn. I added a joking smile when I said it to Brian and that got a laugh out of him. 

Erica pushed me towards the chairs. “Come on, make yourself at home. Socialize. Have fun. I’ll fix up another round of drinks.”

I chose a seat on the couch opposite of Lisa and Blake. Brian was sitting in a lounge chair positioned off to the side of the two sofas. Lisa and Blake kind of pretended that I wasn’t there because they returned to whatever conversation they had started before I got there. The walls of the apartment were decorated with a huge assortment of paintings done by what appeared to be a local artist. 

“What’s your poison, Mr. Evan?” Erica called.

“Cranberry juice and vodka if you’ve got it. It’s my favorite.”

She smiled. “That’s my favorite, too.  A man after my own southern heart. I may love whiskey and bourbon, but there’s nothing like cranberry and vodka.” With that, she went back to mixing up the drinks. 

Brian leaned over in his chair to talk to me. “So how did the rest of your day ago?”

“Oh, nothing special really. I went to work, came home, had dinner with Jane, and fell asleep until Erica came and got me.”

“Who’s Jane?” Erica asked as she served Lisa, Blake, and Brian their drinks and then handed me my drink as she took a seat on the couch next to me. 

“Jane is my girlfriend. I asked Brian if she could come to the cookout. I hope that’s alright.” I took a sip of my drink.

Erica looked over at Brian. I didn’t really understand the look that she gave him. “You didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend, Bri.”

Brian took a long drink. “Must have slipped my mind.” 

“So how did the two of you meet?” I asked.

“It’s actually a pretty strange story,” Erica said. “Brian, I think I’ll let you handle this one.” 

“Haha, somehow I knew you would say that.” He took another long sip of his drink. “So, my roommate Chris and I moved in here about two years ago. Neither one of us had gone downstairs to the laundry room yet, but he decided to take the plunge and be the first. He comes back about an hour and a half later telling me about this ‘hot chick’ he saw folding her laundry. With Chris, it was all about the game: finding the woman, wooing the woman, making her want you so bad that it hurts. So he says to me, ‘Brian, I found out from the guy at the desk downstairs that she lives on the 12th floor. Can you go up there and check her out for me, and if she’s not crazy, drop a few hints about your handsome, single roommate.’ I said, ‘Fine, but don’t expect anything good to come out of this.’ I came up here a few hours later and knocked on the door. The thing was that I didn’t expect a 250lbs ex-football player to answer the door. Erica had been trying to break up with her boyfriend that wouldn’t leave her alone, so she made up some story about cheating on him with another guy. So as soon as this meathead saw me, he pushed me out into the hall and pinned me up against the wall, putting his face so close to mine that all I could smell was his hot, nasty breath. He thought that I was the one Erica had been sleeping with. He started shouting and cursing at me, but after some time, Erica finally got him calmed down and explained that we weren’t having an affair. I ended up telling Erica why I had come upstairs, and she, Chris and I have been friends ever since. It hasn’t really been the same since Chris moved out a few months ago, but at least he still visits from time to time.”

“Brian!” Erica exclaimed, “you forgot the best part!! So while Brian is up against the wall, Noah, his bo—”

“Erica, could you come show me how to make that drink we were talking about yesterday,” Brian interrupted.

“Wait, wait, this is really good.”

The look on Brian’s face turned pretty serious. “No, I need you to show me. Now.” 

They got up and went to the kitchen. I didn’t want to pry, but a lot of the time their voices were raised, and I could pick up bits and pieces of tones of disbelief and exasperation. In the meantime, Lisa and Blake had lost all contact with the world around them. I guess they had had quite a few drinks before I came in because he was pressed up against her with his tongue down her throat, grinding his hips into hers. Her hands moved inside of his pants and they both started moaning loudly between kisses. No sober person would display their affection THAT shamelessly around a perfect stranger. 

Erica and Brian came back into the room. I must have had a pretty strange look on my face while looking at the couple on the couch because Erica laughed and said, “Oh, don’t mind them. You give them a couple of drinks and they’re all over each other.” She sat down in the chair that Brian had been sitting in before and Brian took a seat next to me on the couch. He didn’t sit quite as close as Erica did when she was sitting there.

We continued to chat about jobs, school, the best places to eat in the area. I found out that Erica worked as a secretary for a law office and spent her free time painting. She painted most of the paintings in her apartment herself. She also mentioned that she had a few more pieces that were for sale in an art show next month. By about 1 o’clock or so, I was feeling pretty tipsy. Erica excused herself and went to bed saying something about having to get up early to fix something for Sunday dinner at her boss’ house. Brian and I continued talking, barely noticing that Erica had left. 

I was a heavier drinker than he was, so while he had stopped drinking shortly after I came down, I kept going and going. Pretty soon I was definitely drunk and not really paying attention to what I was doing. Somewhere along the way, I had scooted closer to Brian and I unconsciously swung my leg over one of his. 

I laughed and excused myself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said laughingly. “I don’t think we have to be too shy around each other anymore.”

I blushed thinking about last night’s shower. Could he tell how much I really liked it? No, there was no way. I was drunk and he was just helping me out. I had to find some way of changing the subject.

“Where did you get that chain?” I asked.

He fingered the gold chain around his neck that I had been referring to. “Oh, this was my grandfather’s. He left it to me after he died.” It’s been passed down to the men in his family since my great-great grandfather was alive, but he didn’t have any sons, so it found its way into my hands.” I saw tears start to form in the corners of his eyes, but before I could apologize, he stood up.

“It’s getting late,” he said. “I think I’m going to turn in.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” I said standing up as well. We both headed for the door leaving Lisa and Blake asleep on the couch. We walked out into the hall and he pulled me into a hug before I could protest. 

“See ya later, Evan.”

“Bye.” 

I walked up to my room, shed my clothes and fell asleep humming again. 

***

“How do I look?” Jane asked me as she spun around in her new sun dress. 

“You look fine, Jane,” I said. “We’re only going to a cookout.”

“Yes, but I want to look nice even if it is a barbecue. Don’t you want me to make a good impression on your new friends?

I laughed as she twirled around. “Make sure you call it a cookout. Don’t say barbecue or Erica might kill you. She emphatically said that this was not a barbecue and that ‘we northerners didn’t know the meaning of real barbecue.” 

Jane laughed as she took her baked beans out of the oven. “Well, I certainly don’t want to upset Erica.” She set the beans down and paused for a moment. “Do you think they’ll like me?” 

I bent down and kissed her forehead. “They’ll love you. Just don’t let Erica scare you. She seems like a hardass, but she’s really a softy.” 

“Hmm. I’ll keep that in mind. Ready then?” 

“Let’s go.” 

She wrapped her hands in oven mits and carried the hot dish of beans upstairs to the roof. I followed, turning out lights and locking the door as we left. 

The barbecue, excuse me, cookout was a huge success. Brian and Erica loved Jane, and we got to meet some other people, Maya and Jack, who were there in addition to Lisa and Blake. The roof had a very nice set up. There was a grill, some picnic tables and chairs set up with umbrellas, and a nice view of the city. Everyone had a great time. Brian, Jane, and Jack worried about the cooking while I talked with the others. We grilled the burgers and hot dogs, drank a few beers, and wolfed down the beans, potato salad, and chips. Everyone was stuffed by the time the sun was going down. Erica and Jane seemed to be having a really good conversation at one of the tables while I talked to Jack about learning how to cook. At the end, Brian ran back inside and pulled out a 4th of July cake that he had made. We all groaned because there was no way we could make more room for dessert, but we ate it anyway. Brian got the satisfaction he wanted from everyone enjoying his surprise. Soon, all the others left, leaving Brian, Jane, Erica and myself to sit on the roof and enjoy the fireworks. We were the only ones who lived in the building.

We brought some blankets from downstairs and sat close to the edge of the roof, listening and watching the fireworks. Erica got up to get a drink from the cooler.

“Shit. We’re out of drinks. Brian, could you help me get a few more from downstairs.”

“Sure.” He stood up and followed Erica downstairs. Jane and I finally had some time to ourselves. With our busy schedules, we didn’t get a lot of this even during the summer. We both worked like dogs no matter what. 

She snuggled closer to me and I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close. She settled her head down on my chest and sighed. 

“I love you, Evan.”

“I love you, too, Jane.”

She stayed quiet for a minute before speaking again. “We’re never going to get married are we?” She pulled away from me and sat up.

“Why do you say that?” I turned to look directly into her eyes.

“It’s just not going to work. We’ve been fooling ourselves for too long. I know that you love me, but it’s not the kind of love that’s going to get us through a marriage. And I know that you would marry me anyway just to make me happy, but I can’t ask that of you.”

She looked so peaceful with the city lights passing over her face. I could tell that she wasn’t upset. I nodded my head in agreement. We both knew it was true.

“We don’t have that passion that you need to be in love,” she continued. “We’re both passionate people and hopeless romantics and we have to find that passion before we’re ever going to be truly happy. I don’t think we’re going to find that with each other. You’re my best friend and I want you to be happy, so I’m not going to hold you back anymore.” She took another pause. “I’ve seen the way you look at Brian.” My eyes widened. She smiled, “You might burn a hole through him one of these days if you stare any harder at him. The two of you really may have something there.”

“Jane, Brian isn’t gay, and I’m definitely not gay.” I couldn’t believe what she was saying. I mean I knew I had liked being in the shower with Brian but that was because I was drunk and was horny. There couldn’t be any way that I was gay. 

“Just think about what I said, ok? I’ll talk to you later.” She leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips. “I love you, Evan.”

“I love you, too.”

She stood up and left. I didn’t even watch her go. My eyes focused on the fireworks shooting off in the distance over the Hudson. I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them as I rocked and hummed, thinking about everything that had just happened.



Heaven On Earth Ch. 03



Heaven on Earth: Chapter 3 Cutting

I don’t know how long I stayed up on the roof alone. It could have been a minute, it could have been an hour. In the back of my mind, I knew that Jane and I could never get married. This talk was inevitable, otherwise we were both going to spend the rest of lives wishing for something greater. But Jane said that I stared at Brian. Did I really? I looked at him when I was talking to him, but I did that with everyone. And sure, he was a good-looking guy, but… was I attracted to him? I had slept with women before, and I enjoyed it. Sort of. I was gay? The realization crawled up my back and found its way to my eyes. I was gay. 

At some point, Brian and Erica came back to the roof. They were laughing about something, but I couldn’t hear them. I was somewhere else entirely. Only when they got closer did they notice that I was by myself. 

Erica bent down and put her arm around my shoulders as Brian handed me a beer. I took it but didn’t open it. “Is everything alright, Evan? Where’s Jane?”

I sniffed back some tears. “Jane and I broke up,” I said quietly. Brian and Erica exchanged a look.

“Oh, hun, come downstairs. Brian and I will make up the extra bed for you.”  I slowly lifted myself up and helped Brian gather the blankets. We headed into Erica’s apartment in silence. I couldn’t really say anything. I didn’t really have anything to say. Brian took the blankets from me and went into Erica’s bedroom while I plopped onto the couch. Erica went into the kitchen and gave me a glass of water. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Erica asked. 

“I, I don’t know. I guess I’m still in shock.”

“Ya’ll seemed fine at dinner. Did she say why?”

“No, not really. I think I’m going to go to bed.” I stood up to leave. I didn’t think that either of them understood why I was really on the verge of tears. Hell, I didn’t understand it myself. 

“No you’re not. There is no way I’m letting you stay alone tonight. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” 

“Do you want me to stay?” Brian asked Erica.

“That’s up to Evan.” Erica turned to me.

It didn’t take me long to say, “I’m fine, Brian. You can go home.”

He nodded silently. “Come here,” he said. His arms wrapped around me in a tight hug. His hands moved slowly back and forth across my back as he held me and I sighed and let myself fall against him. I almost exploded and broke down right there, but I held it back. 

“Goodnight, you two.”  

Erica walked Brian to the door and locked it after he left. She came over to me and led me to the guest bedroom. I helped her turn back the sheets and I crawled into the bed with all of my clothes on. Erica laughed at me.

“Do you usually sleep in all of your clothes? You didn’t even take off your shoes and socks.”

I managed a smile as I kicked them off. “Actually, I sleep naked. I just didn’t want to get into your bed like that.”

“Don’t mind me, sugah, I’ll just enjoy the view.”

Normally I wouldn’t have done this. I was surprisingly modest, but even after knowing her for only a short time, I trusted Erica. I undressed myself and got back under the covers. I rolled over facing away from her and prepared to go to sleep. Erica had other intentions. She walked over to the other side of the bed and sat on the edge. Her hand reached out and started stroking my arm underneath the covers.

“Now, are you going to tell me what’s really bothering you or am I going to have to beat it out of you?”

“There’s nothing else to tell.”

“Bullshit. I grew up with four brothers and sisters, it was impossible to keep a secret. You’re not only upset over Jane. There’s something more.”

I took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. As much as I felt myself opening up to her, I couldn’t find the right words. “It was just something she said. I guess it took me by surprise.”

Erica waited in silence. I suppose she expected me to continue, so I did.

“She asked me if we were ever going to get married. We both knew the answer, it was never going to happen. She said she knew there was someone else and that she wasn’t going to hold me back anymore.”

“You like Brian don’t you?” 

“Sure, he’s a nice guy. Who wouldn’t?” 

“You know what I mean.” 

“I really don’t know what you’re talking about, Erica.” Could I be that transparent?

“Fine.” She took a moment before she started talking again. “It’s not that much of a secret, Evan. You simply have to look for the right signs. It’s in the way you shift yourself upright when he walks into a room, the way you watch him when you think no one else is looking, the way you smile back when he smiles at you. Maybe you haven’t realized it yet, but you like him more than you’re telling me. My guess is that’s what Jane made you aware of tonight.”

The floodgates opened up at this point. I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my face. “No. Yes. I mean, I figured out some of this on my own, but I’ve never felt like this before. I can’t be attracted to a man.”

“Why not? If I can, why can’t you?”

“Because I’m a guy!” It was a futile argument and I knew it. Obviously I could be attracted to a man because it was true, I was. 

“Hun, all that means is that I have one extra hole to fit a dick in. It doesn’t have anything to do with who you want.”

I started sobbing into the pillow. “But, but, I’m gay! What am I supposed to do?”

“What do you mean? You’re no different than you were this afternoon or last week.”

“I-I’ve only dated girls. God knows I never really felt anything for them. Brian makes me feel different. How am I supposed to look at him now? What am I supposed to say?”

“The same way and the same things you’ve been saying, hun.” She reached up to stroke my hair. “I know it feels different, but nothing has changed. You’re still the same person, and so is he.”

“But he’s not gay. He doesn’t feel the same way that I do.”

Erica stayed quiet for a few minutes still stroking my hair. I held onto the pillow and cried my heart out into it. These new feelings were getting to be too much for me. I wanted to think I was emotionally mature, I wanted to think that I could handle it, but I simply couldn’t. Mom always said there was no shame in crying, but I think I took this to a different level. She spoke again once I quieted down a little. 

“That’s going to be something you have to deal with, sweetie. You can’t change how he feels.”

“I know, but he’s so great and loving and kind and…and when I was drunk and puking everywhere, he took such good care of me. He barely knew me and he did all that. No one’s ever made me feel that special. At least not in that way. You’re being nice enough to keep me here tonight, and you’re a beautiful woman, but it’s not as if I want to wrap my hands around you and kiss you.”

“What can I say? Brian’s a good guy. Anyone would be lucky to have him.”

I thought about that for a moment. “So why haven’t the two of you dated? You both seem to really care about each other.” 

“We do. But, it’s just not like that. He’s the closest thing I have to a best friend right now. I think we would end up in a situation like you and Jane. We could never marry each other in good faith.” 

I turned all this over in my head. There wasn’t anything left to say. Realizing that I had lied to myself for years wasn’t easy. Erica kept gently rubbing me, and I was so emotionally spent that I must have drifted off to sleep. 

I woke up the next morning with my head still buried in the pillow. It took me a moment to realize where I was. I looked around, but Erica had gone. I thought about the things she said last night. She had been right, of course. And it was comforting to know that someone understood me. In a lot of ways, Erica was a lot like Maria, so it felt good to have someone play that role in my life. Not that Erica could ever take the place of my sister, but I was having a hard time adjusting to Maria living in California especially during times like this when I needed her the most. 

The smell of coffee lured me out of bed. I put on my discarded clothes from last night and headed into the kitchen. Erica was at the table reading the paper and drinking coffee. 

“How’re you feeling?” she asked.

I took a seat across from her and rubbed my tired eyes. “I’m better, I suppose. There’s not really anything I can do other than take this one day at a time.”

She smiled over her cup as she took a sip. “That always seems to work for me.”

“Thanks for letting me stay here last night.”

“Don’t mention it. You were hurt and obviously needed someone to talk to.” 

“Yea, I did, even if I didn’t want to admit it. I guess I have a problem admitting things, huh?”

“There’s no sense in beating yourself up, hun. It’s new. New can be scary.”

Who was I to disagree with that? It was time for a subject change though. “Did your roommate not come home last night? I thought I remembered you mentioning something about her the other day.”

“Oh, no. She doesn’t live here anymore. I must not have made that clear. Ali got married about six months ago, so I’ve been working overtime at the office and on my painting to cover her half of the rent.” 

It didn’t seem fair that Erica worked so hard to keep her apartment while I didn’t have to do anything for mine. I felt really lucky that Uncle James was so giving, but I began to ask myself was there anything that I could do for my friends and family. 


The phone rang and Erica got up to answer it.

“Hello?” She turned and looked over at me as she talked. “Yea, Bri, he’s still here, he’s fine. Um, no, we haven’t eaten breakfast. Hold on, let me ask him.” She lowered the receiver and covered it with her hand. “Evan, do you want to get some food at a café?”

I mouthed the word “no” and waved my arms wildly. Erica got the hint and brought the phone to her mouth again. “Evan can’t go. He’s got work, but I’ll meet you downstairs in thirty minutes or so? Great. Bye.”

“Thanks,” I muttered.

She came back over to the table and sat down. “You can’t avoid him forever, you know.”

“I know. I don’t think I can see him right now. I’m not ready to handle myself around him.”

“Aw, you’re being a drama queen already. Your first step in being gay.”

I flipped her off and got up to leave. She kissed my cheek before I left and headed off to the bathroom. “Have fun,” I called back to her as I left.

* **

It wasn’t until the following Tuesday evening that I heard from Brian again. I guess Erica told him that he should keep his distance for a little while or that I needed time to think alone. I was running on the treadmill and was about to start on my 4th mile when the phone rang. I walked into the kitchen and picked it up.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Evan, it’s Brian. How are you?” 

“I’m fine,” I said pouring a glass of water. “What’s up?”

“Well, I was getting lonely and tired of writing my thesis, and I was wondering if you wanted to do something tonight?” 

“Um, sure.” Damn, I couldn’t think of an excuse fast enough. “What did you have in mind?”

“I wanted to go see Charlie’s Angels 2 and maybe grab a bite to eat before or after the movie. Everyone else I know has already seen it and I don’t really want to go alone.” 

“That sounds great. I just stepped off of the treadmill, so I need to shower and change clothes. What time does the movie start?”

“Eight o’clock.” 

“Ok, give me twenty minutes and I’ll meet you downstairs.”  

I took an extra hot shower. Something about the water flowing over me and steaming made me feel much better. My mind would drift and get lost in showers like those. Once I dried off, I put on a pair of loose jeans and a t-shirt. I brushed my teeth, combed my hair, and splashed on a some cologne. I may have been nervous about seeing Brian, but there was no way I was gonna stink and be nervous!

Brian was a little more formally dressed than I was. His maroon, long sleeve shirt and khakis looked great, but I told myself that he was a little older than I was so he didn’t look quite as casual, even though he usually wore the same kind of clothes that I did. I told myself that I could keep my cool. He didn’t even know how I felt about him, so he wouldn’t think that anything was up as long as I was under control. I took one look into those sparkling blue eyes and I was no better than a school girl with a crush. I felt so stupid, but so giddy at the same time. It was great.

The movie wasn’t too great. Allow me to rephrase that: it was terrible. It took all of fifteen minutes for Brian and I to start laughing at the script, and it wasn’t because it was funny. We kept leaning over and whispering silly things or cracking jokes about the plot. A few times he whispered almost directly into my ear and sent chills up and down my spine, and a couple of times, I leaned in closer than was necessary so that I could smell his shampoo and cologne on his neck. I won’t lie, I hadn’t ever been so turned on by the way someone smelled as I was in those moments. 

Dinner was much better. We stopped at an Italian restaurant and stayed there for a really long time talking and laughing the night away. There were times when Brian smiled at me and I’ll be damned if I didn’t get a hard on right there at the table. Thankfully my jeans and my napkin kept me from embarrassing myself. I ate the lasagna while Brian slurped up some spaghetti and got tomato sauce all over his mouth. The man was too cute for words. 

As we walked back to the apartment, I spied an art supply store. It made me think about Erica and all that she had done for me in the brief time that I had known her. She had really been a great friend. I wanted to get her something, but by this point, it was too late and the shop was closed. Brian joked about how buying her presents would only spoil her more. I playfully punched his arm, and he poked out his lip pretending to be hurt.

We also passed by Robert and Steve. They were coming out of a bar, laughing and stumbling their way onto the street. We stopped and chatted for awhile, and they asked us if we wanted to join them for another drink. I made up some excuse about being tired and we kept going.

It was almost 11:30 when we got back to the apartment. The two of us said goodnight to Dave, the security guard, and walked into the elevator.

“Do you want to go back to my room for a few minutes?” Brian asked.

“Sure. I have a day off from work tomorrow anyway,” I replied. Spending the evening with him had really relieved a lot of my tension around him. 

I had never been to Brian’s apartment. It was smaller than my loft, but it had more room than Erica’s place. The layout was similar to hers, two bedrooms, one bathroom, but the area set aside for the kitchen and living room was much bigger than hers. Brian didn’t have as much furniture though, so there was only one couch in the living room.

“Can I get you anything to drink?”

“Do you have any beer? That would be great.”

“Coming right up.”   

He handed me my beer and set his own glass of water on the table. “Oh, wait, I have the clothes I borrowed from you in my bedroom. I’ll go get them before I forget to give them back again.”

Brian disappeared into his room. While he was gone, I stood up and looked around his apartment. The two bookshelves in the room were filled with all sorts of volumes of world literature. Many of them were in a language I didn’t recognize. I picked out one book called Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison. I had read the book in college, but I couldn’t remember the details of the plot. I never got much of a chance to think about it because Brian came back with my clothes. He had removed his shirt and put on a wifebeater instead.

“Sorry, about the heat. My air conditioner has been acting strangely for a few days, and they still haven’t sent anyone up to check it out. So in the meantime, it’s burning up in here.” 

“It’s not a problem,” I said. He removed his shoes and socks and sat down on the couch with his back against one armrest. I decided to do the same after I put the book back on the shelf.

“Which book was that?” Brian asked. 

“Song of Solomon.”

“Oh, that’s one of my favorites. Toni Morrison is incredible. I loved the way she used the development of singing and flying to help Milkman find his identity.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “You really are an English major, aren’t you?” 

He gave me that smile again as he took a drink of his water. “It’s my life.” 

“It is funny that you mention singing though. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Whenever I feel down, I start humming to myself.”

“Is it any song in particular or some random song?” Brian asked.

“No, it’s something that I make up as I go along. I can’t really explain it, but I add to it each time I start humming again.”

“Sounds like you’re on an identity search of your own.”

“That’s one way of putting it.” I decided that now was as good of a time as any to tell him. I had told Erica that I was gay, so I felt the need to tell Brian as well.

Before I could say anything, he continued with a story of his own. “My grandfather was doing that when he died. He had developed cancer when I was a freshman in high school. At first the doctors thought that it was easily treatable, but soon it grew beyond their ability to fix.” I could tell that Brian was doing his best not to cry. “A couple of months later, he and my grandmother were in a car crash with a drunk driver. She died and he bumped his head so hard that he ended up with amnesia. The last few months of his life were spent trying to figure out who he was while suffering through immense pain from the cancer. By the end, he remembered my mother, my father, and myself, but he couldn’t remember what had happened to my grandmother. Sometimes I told myself that he really knew, he just didn’t want to accept it.” Brian’s shoulders were shaking by now. “He did remember to give me this though,” he showed me the chain around his neck, “it’s the last thing I have of his.” 

I moved closer to him and sat on the middle cushion. I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder. I couldn’t tell to what degree he meant to, but he leaned into my touch and before I knew it, I was holding him against my side. 

I didn’t really know why he told me that story, but I knew that he must have felt vulnerable in that position. I decided to follow up with a story of my own. I pulled Brian up so that I could see into his face. I took his hand and brought it up to my right cheek.

“See this?” I asked running his hand over the four inch line scar on my cheek. “My father gave this to me when he left. He and my mom had gotten into another one of their fights, and this one ended with her screaming at him at the top of her lungs and demanding that he get out of our house for good. He never said another word to her as he went to their bedroom and stuffed some clothes into a suitcase. As he stomped out of the house, I dove for one of his legs and held on, begging him not to leave me. That was a mistake. He put down his suitcase, picked me off of his leg and pinned me to the ground with his knee. He took his old Swiss Army knife out of his pocket and held it to my cheek. He said, ‘Don’t you ever try to find me,’ as he cut this line into me. Once he was done, he grabbed his suitcase and never looked back at me crying and sobbing.” 

Some people say that misery loves company. Brian and I proved that theory that night. We went back and forth sharing our sob stories. He told me about his little sister dying at age 4 playing with him in the street when he was 9, how he had sat and watch his father break down and cry when he lost his job, and how his mother told him he was stupid for thinking he could be President at age 15. I told him about watching my mother abuse my stepdad who was too kind to strike back at her and the smell of burning flesh that covered our neighborhood when our neighbors’ house burned down with all seven of them still inside. Both of us were a wreck, but by the end, I think we both felt a genuine connection between the two of us. Brian started talking about how he used to get beaten up before he had his growth spurt in high school. By this point we were back on opposite ends of the couch with our legs stretched out and intertwining in the middle. 




Heaven On Earth Ch. 03



“Why did they hit you?” I asked.

“The usual, I suppose. I was pretty scrawny and they called me things like ‘nerd boy,’ and ‘fag’ and ‘queer’ before they started pounding away on me. My parents insisted that I transfer schools, so they moved me out of the public school near our house and sent me to a private school on the other side of town.” 

“That’s terrible,” I said. I felt even worse because I was one of the guys in high school who did things like that. I never hit anyone, but in hindsight, the verbal abuse I dished out couldn’t have been any less painful.

Brian re-adjusted himself and crossed his legs. He made sure to look right into my eyes as he spoke. I shivered with the intensity of his stare. “Evan, if we’re going to be completely honest with each other, I should tell you that they had their reasons for hitting me.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“They called me those names because I’m gay.”

WHAT!? “Y-You are?” I stood up and looked at him.

He slowly nodded. “I don’t really know how you feel about gay people, but I think we’re starting to build a friendship here, and you should know the truth. I didn’t want you to think that—”

I cut him off when I bent down and hugged him. He seemed heisitant and unsure at first, but then he hooked his arms under mine and hugged me back. When I pulled away, he was smiling at me.

“I guess I should be honest with you, then, because I’m gay too.”

“Really?”

“Yea, it’s not really something that I’m comfortable with yet, but I think I’ve known for a long time, I’ve just denied it.”

“So is that why you and Jane broke up?” he asked.

I nodded. “More or less. I guess that’s another long story.”

He checked his watch and said, “Yea. It’s almost one, you should probably get some rest.”

“Well, I don’t have to go to work tomorrow, remember?”

“Oh, right. If you want to stay longer, I’d love to have you.”

My smile covered my entire face. “Sounds great to me. Maybe we should give the emotional heartache a rest though.”

Brian gave a distant laugh. A thousand different things were going through my head. I couldn’t believe it, my head was spinning. Brian was gay, too. I sat back down on the sofa, closer to him than before. 

“So how long have you known that you were gay?”

“Since I started puberty, I guess. All the other guys had posters of Cindy Crawford and Christie Brinkley. I had David Hasselhoff and John Travolta on my walls. By the time people started dating in high school and having sex, I was trying out things with other guys. Fortunately my parents were okay with it, so I never had to hide or anything. I brought home my first “boyfriend,” Joe Abrams, the first guy I ever fooled around with, it was a disaster. My parents asked if we were dating, and we both gave different answers. He only wanted to mess around with me, but I thought we were truly starting something.” Brian laughed to himself and with a melancholy tone he added, “I never really get what I want anyway.”

“Tell me about it. I know exactly how you feel.” Why didn’t I keep my big mouth shut?

“Really?” He sat up and cupped his chin in his hands, eyes twinkling with excitement.

Shit. I walked right into that one. “You have no idea.”

“So who was the first guy you wanted?”

“No one really.”

He laughed at me. “Evan, you’re a terrible liar. Come on, I’m not going to tell anyone. It can’t be that bad.”

“No, it’s not bad, it’s just that…” 

“What?”

“The first guy I liked is still the guy I have a crush on.”

“That’s great! There’s still hope for you. Who is it? One of the volunteers at the community center?” 

“No, Brian, it’s—”

“Oh, was it one of the guys we passed by tonight? What’s his name? Steve? I think you could do better, but—”

“It’s you,” I blurted out.

He went quiet. I blushed deeply and lowered my head. I wanted to get up and leave, but it felt like my legs, and my heart, had turned to lead. Before I registered anything else that was happening, Brian spoke again.

“Are you serious?”

I barely nodded, but it was enough to give him the answer he needed. His hand moved under my chin and he brought my head so that it was level with his. I raised my eyes to look into those vast oceans of his. I was about to open my mouth to say something when he pressed his lips against mine. His tongue moved out, but at first I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to do. He kept probing and I finally parted my lips and let him inside. God, that was incredible. Brian pushed me over and lay on top of me as he continued exploring my mouth. My tongue moved out to taste him, causing him to groan in response. I could feel my erection pushing up against my jeans, and as he lowered his hips into mine, grinding our erections together, lights exploded inside my head. One of us was making soft moaning noises, and it took me a minute to realize that it was me. It was fantastic. It was all that I wanted. 

But I had to pull away.

“What’s wrong?” Brian panted, making no attempt to hide the confusion on his face.

“I-I can’t do this, Brian,” I said gently pushing him off of me.

“What? I thought you said this was what you wanted?”

“It, it is, but I’m not ready for this. I’m sorry.” I started for the door.

“I don’t understand.” He looked so hurt that anyone would have sworn that I cut him.  

“Neither do I right now. I-I’ll talk to you later ok?”

I left the apartment before I gave him a chance to respond. I didn’t move anywhere; I stayed on the other side of the door. What was going through my head? I wanted him, I really did. I couldn’t stay though, I had to run away. I heard him lock the door on the other side, and I walked towards the elevator.



Heaven On Earth Ch. 04



Heaven on Earth: Chapter 4 One Day at a Time

I wanted him, I really did. I couldn’t stay though, I had to run away. But why? Why was I running away? I went up to my room and sat there staring at the ceiling. It took me ten minutes before I was out the door and at Brian’s door again. I knocked several times before he answered. When he came to the door, he was wearing a towel and his hair was dripping wet. God, he was beautiful.

“Evan, I—”

I never let him finish his sentence. My arms wrapped around his waist and I pulled him in for a passionate kiss. I could feel him melting into me. He put his arms around my neck and let his towel fall to the floor. We kissed until neither of us had any oxygen left. I looked into his eyes, and I knew that this was right. Water was running down his face and I leaned in to lick off. He placed one hand against my face in question, and groaned as I took one of his fingers into my mouth. His body pushed up against mine, and in a harsh whisper, he said,

“Let’s go back to my room.”

He took my hand and led me into his bedroom, his perfect ass bobbing in front of me as we walked.

I woke up the next morning in my own bed. I quickly sat up and all the blood rushed from my head. Did Brian bring me back to my room? Did I leave? I paused to think for a moment. No, it was a dream. My life wasn’t a fucking romance novel. How much of it was a dream? ‘A shower should help me clear my head,’ I thought. I threw the covers off my body and looked down. So that’s where all the blood went.

I pieced together the previous night as I ran through everything that had happened. We did go to the movies. We did eat. We chatted, he told me that he’s gay, I told him the same, and then I kissed him. No, he kissed me. Not like I did anything to stop him. And then I left. That was it. And that damn dream still did nothing to answer any of my questions or my doubts. Hot showers were great for thinking. What could I do now? If I wasn’t already in Heaven, I’d be damned if I hadn’t ruined any chance that I had with him. 

I had to think of a better way to handle this. I stepped out of the shower and went into the bedroom. It was only 9:00, probably too early for me to go and wake up Brian, but it had to be done. What should I put on? I didn’t want to seem overly provocative, so running shorts and t-shirt were out of the question. But I didn’t want to put him off entirely. Was I being a girl about this or was it just me? I decided on a college shirt and cargo shorts. That was casual without acting as if I expected something right? 

My heart was pounding as I went downstairs. He was going to be mad. How could he not be? I felt terrible for what I did. Shit. What if he didn’t want to have anything to do with me? Erica and Brian were all that I had in New York now that Jane had left me. Well, she hadn’t left me, but things were certainly different. 

I raised my hand to knock on the door. ‘Here goes nothing,’ I thought. I waited. I knocked again and waited. He wasn’t there. I turned to leave and the door opened. Brian was there in a towel, dripping wet. Calderón was right: life is a dream. God, he was beautiful.

“Um, hi,” he said.

“Hi,” I replied, shaking myself out of my daydream. 

“Sorry I couldn’t get to the door, I was getting out of the shower.”

“Yea, I can tell.”

We stood there in silence for a while. I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the face; I was too afraid to know what was there.

“Would you like to come in? I’m beginning to get cold standing here.”

“Oh, yes, of course.”

He led me into the apartment, and I took a seat on the couch. 

“I’ll be right back. I’m going to put on some clothes.”

A minute later he came back in some sweat pants and shirt, but he didn’t sit on the couch though. He pulled a chair out from the kitchen table and set it in the living room. I guess I got the answer to the question of whether or not he was angry with me. 

“Evan, I’m really sorry about last night. That was really rash on my part.”

“Brian, I’m sorry, too.”

“Wait a minute, let me finish.” I nodded my consent. “I shouldn’t have kissed you. I got excited, but I completely understand why you stopped me. You said it yourself, you’re only now coming to terms with being gay. I can’t imagine what kind of uncomfortable position I put you in. The truth is that I like you and I’m attracted to you. To hear you say that you liked me, well, it was exactly what I wanted. It’s been a long time since a guy I was interested in expressed interest in me, and it’s been nearly as long since someone’s even kissed me.” I could see him starting to form tears in his eyes. “This is new to you. I’m sure the last thing you need is an old, bitchy boyfriend like me.”  

Here it was: the turning point in our relationship. Our future depended on the way that I responded. Was I ready for this? I had to be. I walked over to his chair and knelt in front of him with my hands resting on his knees. This time, I looked straight into his eyes.

“Brian, the way I acted last night was really shitty. You have nothing to be sorry for. I told you how I felt and then ran away when the truth is you were exactly what I wanted. You’re right, I am new to this, but if I’m too scared to start something with a great guy like you, then I’m never going to be ready.” I squeezed his knees and he smiled at me. Thankfully, his eyes had dried up because he made me want to cry.

“And you’re not old,” I added.

“Yes I am. I’m 26. That means I’m closer to being 30 than I am to 20. And what about bitchy?”

”Well, I’m not so sure I can argue with that one,” I said jokingly. 

He lightly slapped my face, but it was really more like a caress. He then used his hand to cup my cheek. 

“So…?” I asked.

“So what?”

I put on my prettiest, high-pitched voice in an attempt to sound like a high school student. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

He laughed at the look on my face. “Well, I suppose you can hold me over until I get a better offer. I’m still holding out for Brad Pitt.”

He stood up and pulled me off my knees. His eyes looked directly into mine, and I began to fade out of reality. A little hesitantly, he leaned in to kiss me, but I stopped him. 

“Could we take this slowly at first?”

The warm smile on his face almost made me wish that I had never said it, that he would take me to the bedroom and not let me out until the next day. “Slow it is, then.” His soft lips met the flesh on my forehead and then I wrapped my arms around him.

We stood there holding each other. It felt good to be honest with myself. I felt like this was the start of my search for true happiness. It was a start wasn’t it? Brian was the first one to pull away.

“As much as I would love to stay here all day, I’ve got work to finish.”

“Oh, ok,” I said. Since I had the day off I was hoping that we could spend the day together, so I was disappointed. “Do you plan on eating today?”

“Sooner or later,” he said as he winked at me.

“Well, if you get hungry, give me a call. Maybe we can get lunch down at Joelle’s.” Joelle’s was a great burger joint a few blocks down from the apartment.

“I’d like that.” He walked with me to the door. “I’ll see you later, then.”

“Bye.” I timidly kissed his cheek.

“Bye.”

Cloud Nine. That’s where I was then, that’s where I am now. Nothing could have brought me down after that. Well, as long as Nothing chose not to bother me on the ride back up to my apartment. When I got back to my apartment, there was definitely something waiting.

The door was unlocked, and I knew that I had locked it. Instantly, I went on edge as I soundlessly turned the knob and went inside. The smart thing to do would have been to call the police. I never said I did the smart thing. Someone was banging pots and pans in the kitchen. The head that popped up from behind the bar was the last one I expected to see.

“Jesus, Jane, you scared the hell out of me!”

She flashed me an innocent smile. “Sorry, Evan, I came by to pick up some cooking ware that I left here. I figured you would be at work.”

“No, I have the day off. Is there anything I can help you find?”

“Nope, I just found the last of it.”

“Oh.” I walked into the kitchen and poured myself some juice. Adding some gin to that juice didn’t sound like such a bad idea. Too bad I didn’t have any. 

She gathered the last of her stuff into a box. “Well, I’ll get out of here. I won’t ruin your day off.”

“Jane, you know that you could never do that. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been alright. It’s the same old story, work, work, work.”

“Yea. I’m getting more and more nervous about starting school next month.”

“You’ll be fine, sweetie. I have no doubt about that.”

I snorted. “You know how many people end up dropping out before they finish.”

“But this is what you’ve always wanted. Before you know it, we’ll all have to answer to Dr. Alexander.”

Not that I didn’t love Jane, but the way she was acting was enough to make me go crazy. We had broken up 5 days ago, and she behaved as if nothing had ever happened and everything was normal. 

”Jane, how you can you be so casual about this.”

“About what?”

“This! Us. Here you are talking to me like last Friday was a dream or something. I haven’t talked to you since then, and I miss you.”

She cocked her head and looked at me.“Evan, to be completely honest, I thought you would have wanted me to keep my distance for a while. I’ll admit that I let you go suddenly, but I’m sorry, I don’t regret it. I thought you felt the same way.”

I rubbed my hand over my face. “I do feel the same way; it was time to end it. What I miss is having my best friend. I was hoping that this wouldn’t change our friendship, but it seems as though it has already.”

Jane walked over to me and gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek. “That’s the last thing I want to see happen. We’ve been best friends for too long to let anything come between us.”

“Good. So why haven’t you called?”

Her eyes took on a distant look and she sighed. “I’ve been so busy, Evan, I don’t know where I have time for a life anymore. Some days I’ve forgotten to eat.”

“Jane!” She knew I had a thing about eating disorders.

“I’m not trying to make a habit out of it. With all the work I have, sometimes I get so stressed that I don’t feel hungry or I don’t notice that I feel hungry for several hours,” she snapped. “And why do I have to be the one to call you? I have caller ID, you haven’t called me either.”

“I didn’t want to make the first move. You dumped me, remember.”

She got calm again and her face darkened. “I didn’t ‘dump’ you. I’m here now talking to you, shouldn’t that mean that I’m not trying to get rid of you?”

I didn’t answer. Here she was getting her stuff out of my apartment and saying that she wasn’t trying to get rid of me. There was enough tension already and my temper would do nothing to help the situation. The truth is that I did feel dumped. She had been ignoring me, and that’s never a good feeling. Fortunately she was the first one to speak again. “That does remind me though,” she said holding out the key to my apartment in the palm of her hand, “this is yours.”

I held her hand and folded her fingers over the key. “You keep it, you’re my best friend. Anytime you want to come visit, you’re more than welcome.” I kissed her hand.

Her face beamed when I said that. “Thank you,” she whispered. Once she recovered, she said, “I should get going. I took a break to get over here because I knew that if I didn’t get it done now then it wouldn’t get done for a long time.” 

“Alright. Give me a call sometime and we can get dinner or something.”

She picked up her box and headed out the door. “Sounds great.”

“Do you need a hand with that?”

Her voice was muffled from the other side of the door. “No, I’ve got it.”

I went about the rest of my day. It was the middle of the morning, so I had time time to clean up my apartment, which was usually pure taboo, but I was in such a good mood that I didn’t care. After I was done, I settled down in the living room to watch TV. I had a boyfriend. Oh, God, I had a boyfriend. The temptation to jump and squeal was killing me. 

The phone rang, but it was so comfortable on the couch, in front of the TV. I didn’t want to move. Eventually, I dozed off about ten minutes after the phone rang. My nap didn’t last long. The phone rang again, and this time I decided to actually answer it.

“Hello?” I answered.

“You have got sixty seconds to explain to me why you and Jane are not together anymore.”

“Well, sis, Jane broke up with me because there was no way we were ever going to be happily married. There was no passion in our relationship. She also figured out that I was gay, which is true, and told me to go after this guy named Brian that I liked. So I did, now we’re together, and I feel great.”

“Terrific. That only took 23 seconds. I have to get the kids to a doctor’s appointment. I love you, talk to you later.”

“Bye Maria.” I looked at the phone and laughed to myself.

That was the least of my worries. I knew that Maria didn’t care about me being gay. We both had a friend a few years ago who was bashed. He ended up in a coma for a few months before his mother couldn’t afford to keep him in the hospital anymore. She had to let him go. When Maria and I went to his funeral, she took me aside after the service. With her finger pointed directly in my face, she told me in no uncertain terms that if she ever heard of me not raising my voice in advocation of the simple rights and protection of gay people, she would personally nail my balls to the wall and let the rodents eat away at my flesh. How could you not love my sister?

As soon as I hung up the phone, there was a knock at the door. “Come in!” I yelled. Brian entered the room, and I could feel the muscles in my face scream in pain from smiling too hard. 

“Hey, did you still want to go to lunch?”

“Yea, what are you in the mood for?”

Brian twisted his foot from side to side and looked up at the ceiling like a guilty child. He was so cute, but he was even cuter when he was trying to be. “What are you up to?” I asked with a suspicious look.

“Well, I was thinking. We COULD go down to Joelle’s.”

“Or?” I asked walking towards him.

“Or we could make this first lunch a little more special and have it be just the two of us.” He smiled and pulled out two bags of Joelle’s food from the front door. 

“Mmm. That sounds really good.” I took the bags from him and put them on the kitchen table. He followed me, but for some reason I could feel him smiling behind me. “So what did you get,” I asked as I began unpacking the food.

“A bacon mushroom cheeseburger with onions and ketchup, no pickle for you, and a regular cheeseburger for myself.”

I raised an eyebrow and gave him a look. “How did you know that was my favorite burger?”

“You mentioned it at the cookout. I also got some curly fries, but it was going to be too much of a hassle to bother with drinks. C’mon, let’s eat before it gets cold.”

If I haven’t said it before, Joelle’s burgers were so good. I wish I could have brought them with me. Brian had a good laugh at my expense when the juice dribbled down my chin. Part of me wanted him to clean it off for me, but I wiped it up myself. We did get an interesting conversation started though.

“Ok, so you know how inexperienced I am about this gay relationship thing,” I began.

“Right.”

“Well, don’t laugh at this, but I have to know: which one of us is supposed to be the guy and which of us is supposed to be the girl?”

“Some couples define themselves along those lines, but I don’t like to. We’re both guys so I would think that we would both be just that. I don’t want to be a girl, and I don’t want to date a girl. Otherwise I wouldn’t be gay.”

“I know that, but in terms of sex, what’s supposed to happen?”

“Wow. You’re jumping a little ahead of yourself aren’t you?”

I must have turned ten different shades of red. “I-I didn’t mean that w-we should go have sex now or anything, b-but I was just wondering.”

“Relax, baby, I was just kidding.” He chuckled in that beautiful laugh of his. Oh, wow, he called me baby. It felt so strange, but so good at the same time. “You’re asking which of us would be the top and who would be the bottom.”

“Yea.”

“Well, I don’t care either way, but I’m assuming you would want to be the top since you’ve never done anything like that.” 

“I’m sorry. I’m really nervous about all this.”

“Why don’t we cross that bridge once we get to it?” he suggested. 

I nodded in agreement. I regretted bringing up the topic in the first place; I had almost choked on my burger. 

We finished lunch talking about a few CDs Brian had picked up. We both had a strange love for Oldies music. I told him that I had some good tapes that my father had left behind. After clearing the table, he settled down on one of the couches while I decided on a Marvin Gaye tape. The first song was “I Heard it Through the Grapevine.” I took a seat on the couch next to Brian as we sang along. After the first two songs, he turned to me and said,

“I should get back to doing my work.”

“Are you sure that you have to?”

“Mmm hmm. It’s almost 2. My paper won’t finish itself.”

I gave him a smirk. “Is there anything I can do to convince you stay a little longer?”

He closed his eyes and gave a great put-upon sigh, but I knew he was only joking. “Ok, I suppose I could stay for a few more minutes.

I pulled my hand up to give him a playful hit, but he caught in mid-air. I laughed.

“Didn’t I ever tell you I had fast reflexes?” he said.

“No, but I’ll keep that in mind.”

He still hadn’t released my hand. Neither of us really noticed for a while. Brian was the first to realize it, and he quickly released my hand as if I burned him.

“Sorry,” he apologized quietly. 

“No, it’s okay.” I moved my hand back over to his and grasped his palm in mine. Our fingers locked together, and we stroked each other’s hand. Marvin Gaye’s duet with Tammi Terrell, “You’re All I Need to Get By,” came on. It was my favorite Marvin Gaye song after “Let’s Get it On.” I told that to Brian, and he held onto me that much tighter. 

I sang along softly with the music. “Like the sweet morning dew, I took one look at you, and it was plain to see, you were my destiny.”

Still holding my hand, Brian put his head on my shoulder and snuggled against my side.

“Is this ok?” he asked looking up at me.

How could I say no to those eyes? “This is perfect,” I replied. I loved feeling the weight of his head on my shoulder and the heat from his body. For some reason, it felt so natural to me; as if we should have been doing this our whole lives. We fit together. I hadn’t ever been an advocate for love at first sight. I always believed that you had to work for a long time to build the basic foundation for a relationship. The man beginning to doze off on my shoulder had started to prove me wrong. Pretty soon, I fell asleep as well. 

Brian was still sleeping when I woke up. Did you ever wake up because you could “feel” someone else in the room? I rubbed my eyes with one hand and the blurry shape of a woman came into view. 

“Well it’s about time ya’ll shacked up.”

A tired smile grew across my face. “Erica, we didn’t ‘shack up.’ We ate lunch.”

“And no dessert?”

I stifled a laugh. Brian looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake him. Then the realization hit me.

“You knew he was gay!?”

“He’s my best friend, of course I knew he was gay.”

“I don’t understand. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I asked her not to.” 

Brian stirred on my shoulder and pulled away from me. “Why?” I asked.

“I didn’t really know how you felt about gay people, and I didn’t want Erica to spring it on you. She also knew how I felt about you.”




Heaven On Earth Ch. 04



“Ok, but Erica, if you knew this, why didn’t you tell me when I had that meltdown in your apartment?”

“It wasn’t my place to tell you. That was Bri’s business. I figured that things would work out the way they were supposed to anyway.”

Brian slanted his brow. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that it was only a matter of time before the two of you realized your mutual attraction.”

I couldn’t help but smile at that. The urge to reach over and take Brian into my arms suddenly hit me. Dealing with the conflicting emotions of everything from telling him to take it slowly to wanting him to touch me all in one day, hell, half a day’s time was maddening. It was the good kind of maddening, it made me want him more. But how was I supposed to tell him that when I told him that very morning that kissing me on the lips was too fast?

“Shit!” Brian said, “it’s after 6! I’ve got to go finish up my work. I’ll talk to you two later ok?” He hugged Erica and gave me a quick kiss on my scarred cheek. I must have been glowing when he left because Erica didn’t stop teasing me about it for fifteen minutes. 

***

Maria phoned again that evening. We had a long talk about what I was going through and how things got started with Brian. She said that she was happy that Jane and I had stopped dating. She cared about both of us, and she knew that the two of us staying together was gradually making us more and more miserable. I told her how I asked Brian to take things slowly and she called me an idiot. She said, “You better hook him as fast as you can before someone else does.” The conversation faded into talking about my work at the community center and how Mark and the kids were doing. At the end, she told me how much she loved me and hoped that I would be happy. It truly was incredible to have a sister like her. 

When I got off the phone with her, it was nearly 9 o’clock, and I still didn’t know what I was going to do for dinner. It was beginning to look like a microwave night. And microwave night usually meant ordering a pizza that I could put into the microwave the next morning for breakfast. I was about to dial, but the phone rang as I was picking it up. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, Evan, it’s Brian. How are you?”

I smiled at the call. “Fine, babe, how are you?”

“Listen, have you eaten yet?”

“No, I was about to order out.”

“Erica was making a lot of food and she was wondering if we wanted to help her eat it. That is, if you’re not sick of me by now.”

“Well I suppose I could put up with you for one more meal. The two of you are lifesavers.” 

“Great, how about I pick you up in ten minutes?”

“I can walk downstairs myself you know,” I said with a laugh.

“I know. I’m just making excuses to be around you longer than necessary.”

“As long as there’s a good reason.”

“Alright, I’ll be there in a few. Bye.”

“Ok, bye.”

I went to the bedroom to change clothes. Not that there was anything wrong with what I was wearing, but I had been cleaning and wearing them all day. Right as I finished, there was a knock on the door. I shouted ‘Come in’ as I slipped on my sandals and walked into the living room.

“Hey babe, I’m ready to go. So what did Eri—”

It wasn’t Brian.

“Jane? What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call. I didn’t finish up until late tonight, so I haven’t had a chance to eat dinner. I was wondering if you wanted to go get something.”

“Well, actually—”

Brian entered the room and I stopped talking. He looked at me and Jane and had a bit of a puzzled look on his face, but he quickly cleared it away.

“Er, hi, Jane.”

“Hi, Brian.”

“Evan and I were just headed to Erica’s for dinner. Did you want to join us?” What was Brian doing?

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“Nonsense,” Brian said. “I’m sure Erica has enough food. She’s always making more than she can eat, and that’s saying a lot considering the amount of food that girl can pack away.”

“Um, ok. That sounds fine.”

“Evan, are you ready?” Brian asked.

They both started for the door and I followed, but it occurred to me that I hadn’t mentioned anything to Jane about Brian. 

“Wait, Jane. There’s something I need to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“Well, um, it’s that Brian and I are seeing each other now.”

She stared me in the face for a moment, her amber eyes burning into mine. “Good,” she said. “It’s about time. Let’s eat.”

She walked past Brian and out the door. He stood by the door and waited for me as I locked it. “Is everyone going to have that same reaction to us?” he asked. I didn’t answer, but I certainly hoped so. 

If Erica was surprised to see Jane, she certainly hid it well. We talked, had a good time laughing at some of my corny jokes, and the final stages of my volunteer work. (I was going to be finishing next Friday.) Still, the meal was a litle awkward. I wouldn’t have been uncomfortable showing Brian any affection if it were only Erica, but it was different with Jane there. I didn’t touch him during the meal, I didn’t let him touch me. I think the girls picked up on that a few times. We sat down in the living room and continued talking. After Jane left, Brian and I volunteered to do the dishes since she cooked. Never one to let an opportunity slip by, Erica went off to take a bath. I didn’t understand why Brian invited Jane to dinner. We stood in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes while we washed and rinsed. 

“So why did you ask Jane to come to dinner?”

“Evan, she’s your girlfriend, don’t you think it would have been rude to tell her to go away? Everyone’s gotta eat.”

“Ex-girlfriend.”

“What?”

“You called her my girlfriend. We’re not seeing each other anymore.”

“Right.”

I put down the plate I was washing. “Brian, is there a problem?”

“Well, yes, there is. It seems pretty clear to me that you’re not over Jane.” He picked up the plate I put down and continued washing.

“And how did you come to that conclusion?”

“I think it’s pretty obvious judging from the way you acted at dinner.”

“Brian, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Well for starters, you wouldn’t let me touch you at all. You moved away every time I tried.”

“I told you that I wanted to take this slowly.”

“I wasn’t trying to grope and molest you on Erica’s couch, I just wanted to move a little closer. You also ignored half of the things I said at dinner.”

“Brian, are you jealous?”

“Don’t you think I have some reason to be?”

“Brian, she’s one of my best friends.”

“If that’s how you’re going to treat me whenever she’s around, I’d say it’s pretty clear that you aren’t comfortable being with me.”

“If I wasn’t comfortable, why would I tell Jane that we were dating? You already knew that I was uneasy about this. Are you trying to tell me that you invited her to dinner to test me?”

“In a way, yes.” He finished washing the dishes and dried his hands on a nearby towel.

“Brian, I don’t appreciate that. That’s horribly unfair.”

“Again, looking at the way you behaved, I’d say I was justified.”

“I can’t believe this. So you think I shied away from you because I want to go back to Jane?”

No answer.

“If you don’t trust me, why are we even bothering to give this a shot?”

“It’s just that your actions are different from your words.” 

It was time to be bold. I stepped in and kissed him on the lips. “How’s that for action?” I asked. “Or do you need more proof that I’m serious?” 

I could tell that my kiss had taken him aback. “No, no, I don’t need more proof. Although I wouldn’t object to it.” 

“I told you before, it’s going to take me some time to get used to this. It’s different, and it’s harder to adjust around someone like Jane that I’ve known for so long. I know it doesn’t matter to her, but it feels strange after breaking up with her last week and being with you this week. I’m sorry and I understand if you can’t wait for me to be completely comfortable with this, but if we have a chance at a good relationship, we’re going to have to trust each other.” 

He walked over and slipped his arms around my waist. “No, I’m sorry. It’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship. The last boyfriend I had was Noah and that was two years ago. I need to learn how to trust again.”

“If you’re not at a point where you trust me to be honest with you, maybe we should reconsider this.”

“No, Evan, I don’t think we should reconsider this. It’s not that I don’t trust you, it’s that I can be insecure sometimes. I do want to try with you.”

“Good. Who’s Noah?” I asked.

“He was the guy I was dating when Chris and I first moved in here. Erica was going to tell you about him when she was talking about how I met her, but I stopped her, remember?”

“Yea, I do remember that now. So what was the part of the story that you left out?”

He laughed pretty hard before continuing. “Noah was a pretty small guy, and compared to that huge football player, he was almost nothing. Anyway, Noah saw him pushing me up against the wall and he ran down the hall and tackled Erica’s boyfriend. He practically flew through the air. Then he started wildly punching him, which did absolutely nothing since Noah was about half his size. By this time, Erica managed to pull Noah off of him and explain that we weren’t having an affair.”

“It sounds like Noah really loved you if he did all that.”

“I thought so too, but he loved drugs more.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m not. I did everything I could for him, but he didn’t really want help. I finally gave him an ultimatum.” Brian began to tear up. I pulled my arms around him and held him closer.

“I know we’ve only known each other for a few weeks, but you know I really do care about you, right?” he whispered in my ear. 

“I know, Bri. I feel the same way.”

He pulled out of our hug a little and looked at me. His ocean eyes were still misty. “You never called me ‘Bri’ before. Only Erica calls me that.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t know it wasn’t ok.”

“No, I liked it. Feel free to do it anytime.” I hugged him again and rested my head on his shoulder.

I felt him turn his head towards me and the feeling of his lips on my neck. A deep sigh escaped my lips and my knees almost gave in. God, how did he know what I wanted even when I told him I didn’t want it. I even tried convincing myself that I didn’t want it. But I was loving every moment of this. My hands moved over his back and he sucked on my neck harder. 

“Bri,” I managed to say in a high, squeaky voice.

“What is it, baby?”

“If you’re going to do that, maybe we should get out of Erica’s kitchen.”

“Why’s that?” he said pulling back.

I pointed over his shoulder. “Because we seem to have attracted an audience.”

Erica was looking at us and her eyes were practically sparkling with happiness. “Y'all are so cute together!”

Brian blushed, “Sorry, Erica. I guess I couldn’t help myself.”

“Oh don’t stop on my account, sugah. Better for you to do it in my kitchen than on my couch or in my bedroom.”  

Despite her words, we separated. I wasn’t the biggest fan of PDA and according to what Brian told me later, neither was he. Both of us decided to leave at the same time: I had work in the morning, and although I had enjoyed my day off, I had kept Brian from doing his work.

He did walk me back upstairs to my room.

“I have got to say that this is a first for me. I’m usually the one to walk a girl back to her room. No one has ever walked me back. Well, girls have come back to my room, but it was never to drop me off. They always came in with me.”

“Are you sure you want to make this a first, then?” he asked in a husky voice.

The words almost caught in my throat. “I thought you had work.”

“Fuck it.”

All of my pretenses were gone by this point. I reached for him and pulled him into a kiss. And this was not any old kiss. It was hot, passionate, lustful, and I knew by the end, I had him begging for more. 

“Get in here,” I rasped. 

He pushed me inside as he brought me in for another kiss and shut the door with his foot. A deep growl shook my body. Brian framed my face with his hands and invaded my mouth with his tongue. The things that man could do with his tongue were incredible. Somehow we ended up on a couch, still kissing each other madly. Brian was on top of me when I stopped him again.

“Evan?”

“Bri, do you remember how I said I wanted to take it slowly?”

“Yea, I’m sorry. This was too much, I know.” He started to stand up.

I wrapped my hand around his neck and pulled him within an inch of my face.

“Fuck it,” I whispered. I kissed him again. 

Brian broke off the kiss, and I was about to protest when he put a finger to my lips and said, “Just relax.”

He kissed my forehead, eyelids, and the tip of my nose. His lips found mine again, and I claimed them fiercely. He moved on to my left cheek while he stroked the other with his fingertips. When he switched, he planted a lot of kisses on the scar my dad left. He made me feel so special. His journey continued down to my neck and he flicked his tongue across the hollow of my throat. As he sucked on my neck, one of his hands moved down to my crotch and gave it a light squeeze. Before I knew it, he was unzipping my pants. His fingers found the button of my jeans, and he fumbled with it a little before he was able to get it undone. In one motion, he dropped down to the side of the couch and pulled my jeans and shorts off together. And there I was sitting half naked in front of him. Now would probably be the time to mention that I took after my father’s side of the family in the penis department. I was big. One of my college girlfriends refused to have sex with me because she was afraid I would hurt her. I think Brian was impressed.

“Oh, God!” he whispered.

His hot mouth covered my dick before I had the chance to say anything. I gasped so loudly when he was able to take about half of my length in his mouth. That only encouraged him to increase the suction. I brought my hand up to his head and ran my fingers through his wavy dark hair. Brian used his fingers to tickle and finger my balls. Then he did something that no one had ever done. He worked my entire dick into his mouth, everything from base to tip. That did me in. All too soon, I was cumming hard in his mouth. I cried out in ecstasy from the intense pleasure. He held me inside his mouth the entire time. When my orgasm subsided, he pulled off of me and slid my boxers back up. I lifted my hips and let him pull them all the way up.  

“That was incredible,” I panted. I reached for him and helped him crawl back onto the couch. His body was stretched out on top of mine with his head resting on my chest. I laid there, basking in the afterglow. 

“Thank you,” I said. 

“Don’t ever thank me, it was my pleasure,” he replied, his voice muffled in my chest.

Fine. He didn’t want me to thank him, but there was always reciprocation. I rolled myself out from underneath him and got on the floor. I had never done this, but I was willing to try for Brian. I reached for the fly of his pants, but he put his hand over mine to stop me.

“No,” he said.

“Why not? I want to do the same that you did for me.”

“You don’t have to, Evan. Not tonight. I wanted to do something for you.”

“But I haven’t done anything for you yet. Nothing at all.”

“You’ve done a lot,” he bent down and kissed me. “Trust me.” He checked his watch before saying, “I should actually go this time. You need rest, too.”

I stood up and helped him off of the couch. I kissed him again before he started for the door.

“Wait,” I said. “Would you stay with me tonight?”

A questioning smirk crossed his face. “Are we actually going to get any sleep?”

“I promise.”

“Lead the way, stud.”

We went back to the bathroom before bed. I gave him an extra toothbrush, and we brushed our teeth together. True, it wasn’t the sexiest thing in the world watching each other spit out globs of saliva and toothpaste, but it brought a smile out from both of us. We headed into the bedroom, and Brian began to take off his clothes.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I sleep naked,” he said.

“What other way is there?”

He stripped off his clothes while I did the same. He crawled into the king-size bed first and threw the covers back for me. We both lay on our sides facing each other. His eyes seemed to have more depth to them than ever before. I felt like I could stay there for an eternity.

“I love the color of your eyes,” I said.

“I love the way you look at me,” he said leaning over and kissing me one last time. “Goodnight.” 

He rolled over and slightly curled his body. I reached to my side to turn out the lamp, and then I decided to reach for something else. I held Brian by the waist and pulled him closer to me so that his back was resting on my chest and my penis was half hard and pushing against his butt. He sighed and put his hand on top of mine, which was flat against his stomach. I kissed his shoulder and closed my eyes.

“Evan?” he asked after a few moments.

“Yea, Bri?”

“Will you teach me that song you were talking about, the one that you keep making up as you go along.”

I positioned my mouth so that it was close enough for him to clearly hear my soft humming. I ran through the melody twice, and on the third time he hummed it with me. The song still wasn’t very long so we continued until the fifth time when I heard Brian whisper, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Brian.” And I drifted away.



Heaven On Earth Ch. 05



Heaven on Earth: Chapter 5 There You Are

I woke up the next morning fairly early. I had to shower and get out to Brooklyn by 10. My arm was still around Brian’s waist when I woke up. I listened to the gentle sounds of his breathing until my alarm clock went off and I had to let go of him to turn it off. I thought for sure that my movement and the noise would wake him, but he kept on sleeping. I got out of the bed and stepped into the bathroom. 

When I was done ten minutes later, I went back into the bedroom where Brian was still sleeping. After putting on some clothes, I returned to the bathroom to brush my teeth and shave. Something looked odd about my neck when I began putting shaving cream on my face. I turned to both sides and noticed that I had hickeys. Not one, but twin hickeys, one on each side. And these weren’t small by any stretch of the imagination. It was pretty funny, actually, but at the same time, I didn’t know how I was going to cover them up when I went to work. It was the middle of July, so it wasn’t exactly turtleneck or scarf weather. 

Brian had rolled over onto his back, so I carefully sat on the bed next to him. I’m notorious for studying the way that people look, but I only get a chance when they don’t know that I’m looking. I feel embarrassed when someone finds out that I’m looking. And even though he was my boyfriend, my mother used to tell me that it wasn’t nice to stare. I never noticed before that Brian’s nose curled up a little at the tip. He would have been everyone’s boy next door, but he was too tall for that stereotype. His tan had deepened from the first time that I met him; he was much closer to my own complexion at this time of year. Those perfect lips of his were slightly parted as he slept. I couldn’t resist. I bent down and gave him a gentle good morning kiss. He didn’t respond. The man could sleep through almost anything. I did it again and his eyes slowly fluttered open.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi, yourself. Were you planning on staying in bed the entire day, Sleeping Beauty?”

He yawned and stretched, sitting up and pulling himself out of the covers a little. “No, I was waiting for a handsome prince to rescue me. Looks like I got my wish.” 

I leaned forward and kissed him again. “I’m glad you decided to stay last night. I wish I could stay here, but I’ve got to get to work. Um, I can leave you my key so that you can sleep a little longer and I’ll pick it up from you later.”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll leave when you do. As if I need to sleep any longer. I’ve got to get ready for a seminar later today.”

“I’m sorry I took up so much of your time yetserday. I’ll admit that I got a little selfish.”

“Nonsense. I chose to stay. It’s my fault that I have to make up that work now.”

“Well, the least I can do is make breakfast, the one meal I can cook. Do you want anything? I was going to have scrambled eggs and coffee.”

“That sounds good to me. When do you have to leave?”

I stood up and walked towards the door as I talked. “In about forty minutes, there’s no rush. Did you want one egg or two?”

“Two.”

First, I started on the coffee, adding a lot of beans. It’s not coffee if it’s not strong coffee.  I started up the stove and cooked three eggs in a skillet. After I added the butter, salt, and pepper, I realized that I forgot to ask Brian if he liked cheese on his eggs. “Bri!” I shouted. There was no response from the bedroom. I couldn’t leave the eggs, so I decided to leave off the cheese. Better safe than sorry right? Once they were done, I spooned them onto separate plates. I set them out on the table and went into the bedroom wondering why Brian hadn’t responded. He had gone back under the covers and fallen asleep again. 

***

As expected, there was a lot of teasing at work about my hickeys. Most of the teens laughed and joked about me landing a wildcat. By the end of the day, I would have been happy never to hear another feline growling sound again. The next week went by very smoothly. Brian and I were able to spend a lot of time together in the evenings. He would finish whatever work he had as early as possible to make time for me. We went out to dinner at a couple of different restaurants, but Erica had been with us both times, so we had never had a real first date. He mentioned that to me, and I told him that the best idea would be to do something after my volunteer work stopped. At least that way I would be less tired in the evenings. We agreed to do something the Saturday after my last day. I was looking forward to it.

That Thursday, there was a whirlwind of things going on. My mother had called and told me that she and Uncle James were coming for a visit on that Sunday. Mom had never responded violently to homosexuality, but while we were kids, she made sure to lecture Maria and me about what was wrong with gay people: how they were sinners and they all had AIDS. It was up to us to teach ourselves differently later in life. I don’t think it was that my mom had anything against gay people, I just don’t think she ever made much of an effort to understand. Still, a dramatic confrontation was the last thing I needed with my mother, so I told Brian to lay low for the few days that they were going to be at my loft. 

Not that I had to ask much of Brian anyway. He understood why I wasn’t ready to tell my mother yet. I was feeling so good about our relationship. We hadn’t done anything sexual other than the one blowjob, but I could feel us getting closer and closer. Most nights one of us would stay at the other’s apartment and we would simply cuddle as we went to sleep. That was fine with me. If anything, that one sexual experience broke the ice and allowed us to be more open with each other. Neither of us felt that it absolutely had to be repeated, so we ignored it and got along fine without sex. Building a relationship without sex can be very fulfilling. If it’s a good relationship, and ours was, the ties seem to be even stronger because they aren’t based on going back to our rooms and fucking like rabbits every night. We were connected on more of an emotional level instead of a physical level. I had the feeling it was something that Brian needed after being single for so long. 

Like I said, Thursday was absolute chaos. After my mom called, Maria called me to say that Mark was going to be in New York for a couple of nights for a conference early the next week. I obviously knew why she was calling. She wanted Mark to stay with me instead of being at a hotel. Of course, I agreed and I told her that Mom and Uncle James were also going to be staying. We agreed that it was perfect for them all to be here at the same time. Loosely translated that gave my mother more people to divide her attention, which meant fewer headaches for me. 

Erica came down that evening to tell me she was going out of town.

“How long are you going to be gone?” I asked.

“It’s only going to be until next Wednesday. My oldest sister had a baby down in Nashville, so I’m gonna help her settle in and adjust for a few days. Our momma will take care of her after that.”

I openly laughed at her. “Momma?”

She slapped me across the back of the head. “I will not tolerate any sass, Mr. Alexander.” I still chuckled. “There is nothing wrong with having a different accent from most everyone else up here. What I was going to ask you is if you could water my plants, check to see if everything is ok up there, that sort of thing.”

“Sure, that won’t be a problem at all.” I thought for a moment before continuing. “But why didn’t you ask Brian to do this for you. I’m sure he knows more about the particular details of your apartment.”

“Brian is lazy, there ain’t nothin’ else to it.” She winked at me and turned to leave. “Sorry to drop by for such a short time, but I need to go ahead and pack so that I can get to the airport straight after work tomorrow. Oh, silly me, I almost forgot.” She tossed me the key to her apartment. “And I expect everything to be in perfect condition by the time I get back.”

“Yes ma’am,” I responded.

“Bye, hun.” “Bye, Erica.”

As I got up to close the door, I could hear Erica’s voice out in the hall saying “Hey.” The person she was talking to walked into my loft and planted a big, wet kiss on my lips. 

“Hey, baby.”

“Hey, Brian.” I reached up and pulled back a strand of his hair and smoothed it behind his ear. My fingers ran down from his ear to his face. I ran my finger across his bottom lip. He kissed it, I pulled it away, and kissed his lips again. 

“I think we hit a new stage in our relationship,” he said.

“How did you come to that conclusion?”

“You just fixed my hair. I’d say that means we’re getting pretty serious.” He put his hand on my right cheek and I nuzzled my face into his caress. This time, he put his finger on my lip, it was my turn to kiss his finger and then be kissed. 

“I won’t disagree with that,” I said with a smile. “What are you up to tonight?”

“I had some laundry to do, and I was wondering if you would like to join me downstairs.”

Brian and I both knew that the laundry room in the basement were not the best in the world, but the one advantage it had over a public laundry room was the privacy. Rarely anyone ever used it, so it was usually empty.

“And what exactly did you have in mind for us to be doing while we wait for the clothes to finish, Mr. Davis?”

“We’re both pretty smart guys. I’m sure we’ll think of something.”

“I’ll go grab my clothes and meet you down there,” I said.

“Great. See ya in a while.”

I went into the bedroom and changed into a pair of running shorts and a fairly tattered t-shirt since I needed to wash the clothes I was wearing. Once I had put the clothes in a sports bag and grabbed the detergent, I took the elevator downstairs to the basement.

Brian was putting the last of his loads into the machine. He looked up when I came in. “Well, fancy meeting you here, stranger.”

I rolled my eyes at his terrible joke, but it was more difficult to ignore the pouty face he made when I ignored him. When he looked at me like that, I couldn’t help but feel guilty. I gave an overly done laughing spell, complete with loud cackles and slaps on my knee. 

“Feel better?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said, his face instantly brightening up. I began putting my clothes into the machines. Brian came up behind me and put his arms around my waist. I rocked my hips back and forth while I put the quarters in and started up the loads.

A lot of people have a certain spot on their body that really gets them going. For some, it’s actually the clit or the prostate, but that’s for orgasm. I had a spot where my neck met my back that took me out of this world when it was touched the right way. Brian had found that spot last week when he hugged me and his hand slipped up and brushed it. I almost passed out from the shocks it sent through my body. 

That was exactly what Brian was doing to me then. With his arms still around me, he bent down and nipped at my neck. It was only a matter of time before I was moaning in pleasure, pressed up on the metal and clutching the sides of the washer. When Brian licked the back of my neck, that did me in.

“Stop,” I gasped.

“What?”

I freed myself from Brian and moved around to his back, putting him in the position that I was just in. I leaned in and nibbled on his earlobe. Brian had one of those spots, too. He gasped and reached around with one of his hands to stroke my hair as I continued my attack. After a minute or so, he spun around and looked at me lustfully with those cool, blue eyes of his that had turned hot with passion. 

“Evan, let’s go back to my place.”

“What about the clothes?” I asked.

“The machines are locked for the next 32 minutes. Look, I’ll set my watch for 27 minutes, that way we have time to get back down here. I need you now, though. Right now.”

So much for the sex free relationship. Well, it’s still possible to build a good relationship with sex. He pulled me by the hand and practically dragged me upstairs. We were alone in the elevator, so we kissed several times before getting to the third floor. God, he had me so hot at this point that I swear I would have gone anywhere with him. Brian fumbled with his key, trying to get the door open, and he almost broke it off the hinges when he finally opened it. The moment we were inside, we grabbed for each other and started kissing again. He took me by the hand and led me towards the bedroom. I didn’t know what he had in mind, but I didn’t care. Brian was the only thing I wanted. 

I think I surprised him when I pulled his shirt over his head, but I couldn’t tell because the instant his shirt was off, I started kissing his collar bone and chest. I was rewarded by deep groans that told me I was doing something right. I had never pleased a man before, but I figured that doing some of the things that I liked were bound to get a similar response out of Brian. When I took his left nipple into my mouth, he hissed loudly. After a few minutes of this and giving the other nipple the same treatment, I kissed a trail down his abs to the waist of his jeans. By this point I was kneeling, and as I looked up into Brian’s eyes, the look of excitement on his face was enough to make me explode. My hands were shaking as I unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down his legs. It was fairly obvious that there was a lot of pressure on his briefs. A large wet spot had formed on his underwear. It probably would have been fun to tease him for a while, but to be completely honest, I was so nervous that I didn’t really know what was going on. I practically yanked down his briefs and his cock sprung out and pointed straight at my face. I had never been this close to another man’s penis before. It wasn’t too unlike mine. His was a little shorter and a little thinner, but I was sure that it was definitely enough for me to handle. I looked up at him again, and he just smiled down at me.

He must have known how nervous I was because he said, “Just don’t use your teeth. You’ll be fine, baby.”

I used my lips to cover my teeth as I took the head into my mouth. It wasn’t bad. I pushed myself forward a little more and took about half of his length into my mouth before I gagged a little and pulled back. Brian put his hand on the back of my head and slowly guided me up and down the shaft. Based on blowjobs that I had received, I used my tongue to flick and massage him. I could tell it was good for him, but I wanted to bring him as much pleasure as he brought me. I moved myself forward again, this time taking more of him into my mouth and controlling my gag reflex. I kept sucking on him, moving up and down, up and down. Once I felt the head hit the back of my throat, I swallowed and took the rest of him into me. Both of us moaned, and my moaning caused my muscles to close in around his dick, making him moan even louder. My hands were around his back, caressing and stroking his ass as I steadied myself. Before long, I had to pull back a little and simply keep sucking on him. That must have been fine with Brian because soon he tapped my shoulder.

“Evan, I’m gonna cum. Pull off.”

I didn’t want to pull off. I wanted all of him. I kept licking and sucking until he cried out and shot a giant load in my mouth. I could taste his cum all over my mouth as I continued to milk him for everything that I was worth. I knew some girls complained about the taste, but it tasted fine to me. His knees were shaking, and he probably would have collapsed if I hadn’t still been holding on to him. I let his penis slip out of my wet mouth, but Brian was far from done. He pulled me up only to tackle me onto the bed. The instant I was done his mouth and hands were everywhere, kissing my face and pulling off my shorts. He rotated his body so that we were in a 69 position with his cock dangling in my face. I couldn’t believe he was still hard after his last orgasm, but I reached up and took him back into my mouth at the same time he ripped my boxers off and sucked in my dick all in one swift motion. We had a great time pleasuring each other, and it was taking all of my self-control to hold off on cumming too soon. I felt Brian pull off of me for a second and then go back to work licking me up and down. I quickly found out that he had moistened one of his fingers and was rubbing circles around my hole. Ass play was new to me, and I wasn’t too sure about what he was doing. I was about to release his cock and protest when he slid his finger deep inside of me, and all I could do was moan. Shortly after, he added a second finger, which only heightened my pleasure. It became really hard (no pun intended) to focus on sucking him when he was doing such a good job on me. I felt his fingers probing deeper and deeper, and suddenly, he hit something inside me that started my orgasm almost immediately. My reaction must have sent off a similar reaction inside him because we were both screaming as we simultaneously pumped our cum into each other’s mouth. His body fell limp on top of mine and we both lay there for a few minutes, gasping for breath and feeling absolutely wonderful. Brian got off of me and came up to lay his head next to mine on the bed.

“You’ve got talent, kid. Stick with me and you’ll go places,” said Brian.

I kissed his lips and tasted the remains of my cum. Only a few minutes had passed since my first taste of cum and I could already tell that I was going to like it. I’m sure we looked absolutely ravaged and ridiculous. His pants and briefs were still down around his ankles since he never bothered to kick them off, and my shirt and socks were still on with my shorts somewhere on the floor. Brian’s watch went off and we both jumped up and started pulling our clothes on to get back downstairs. 

We casually walked back into the laundry room as if we had never left and nothing had ever happened. Actually, we had made it back with one minute to spare.

“You don’t want to waste these precious few moments of our life do you?” I asked.

Brian knew exactly what I meant. He pulled me into a long kiss, only breaking contact when the machine buzzed at us. We transferred our clothes from the washers into the dryers and got those started. He looked at me innocently and said,

“Now what are we supposed to do in the hour that it takes for the clothes to dry?”

***

The last day at the community center wasn’t really a working day. Some of us stayed late on days earlier in the week and got everything finished up. Friday was a day for us all to be together one last time and relax. Since I hadn’t really made any close friends on the job, I didn’t have much of a reason to stay after saying goodbye to the few people that I had gotten to know. 

On the way home, I stopped by a liquor store and picked up the “Evan Special,” a nice personal bottle of vodka meant for one person, and one person only. I had to do something to celebrate the end of work. I also stopped at a deli and picked up some lunch for myself. I would have eaten with Brian, but he was down at Columbia in class. Eating alone was never any fun, but you get used to it. While I was cleaning up, Robert called to ask if I wanted to go to a club tonight with him and Steve. I hadn’t even talked to them since the last time we went out together, so they didn’t know that Brian and I were dating. Brian and I didn’t have any plans for that evening, so I didn’t see the harm in going. I wasn’t going to pick up any girls, so I decided to have a little fun going out, drinking, and possibly dancing. 

At around 10, I hadn’t talked to Brian even though I had called both his apartment and his cell phone. Robert and Steve were going to come over to my place at 11 and then head out to the clubs. It was so much easier and cheaper to drink before going out, so I started downing the vodka. I sat there watching TV and drinking alone until the phone rang. Hoping it was Brian, I hurriedly picked it up, but it was only Steve. He told me that he and Robert had changed their plans and decided not to go out. 




Heaven On Earth Ch. 05



There was no way I was going to let this spoil my evening. I was done with work, and soon, a new chapter of my life would be opening up to me. So why not celebrate by getting drunk? Not to mention, I was already feeling pretty loose. I kept drinking. By the time I had finished taking about half of the bottle of straight vodka, I remembered that I was supposed to take care of Erica’s apartment. I took her key off of the table and went upstairs. I looked around, checking to see if everything was as I remembered it. I laughed to myself at how silly the task was, but then I remembered her asking me to water her plants. Leave it to Erica to leave her watering can on the kitchen counter. I started to fill it up, but I wasn’t exactly paying attention, so it overflowed and spilled all over the sink and floor. Most of the water that I ended up pouring did not go to the plants. I put the pail back on the table, but I bumped one of the vases that she had in the kitchen. “Shit,” I said out loud. I found a dustpan and trash bag in the pantry and I swept the pieces into the bag. I was drunk though, so I wasn’t careful and I ended up cutting a little part of my finger. It hurt, but I’m sure the pain was dulled by the alcohol. I locked Erica’s apartment and headed back down to my own. The door was open and Brian was coming out of it.

“Evan, there you are! Where have you been? I knocked, but your door was unlocked and you weren’t in here.”

My words were slurred. “I was upstairs watering Erica’s apartment.” I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. He almost instantly pulled away from me.

“Evan, you’re drunk.”

My eyes did a little dance as I tried to focus on him. “So?”

“I was just saying.” He looked at me closely for a second and said, “Why is there blood on your shirt?”

I followed his eyes to the spot where he was looking on my shirt. I must have wiped my hand on it unconsciously. I looked back at my hand and the cut was still openly bleeding. “Shit!” Brian said, “are you ok?”

The shock on his face was amusing. I started laughing at him and rested my head on his shoulder. “I cut myself on some glass, I’ll be fine.”

“Evan, you’re bleeding everywhere. Come on.”

He guided me back into the bathroom. He sat me down on the closed toilet seat and looked around in the medicine cabinets for something to bandage my wound. First he cleaned it and then sprayed with disinfectant. I think he expected me to flinch, but I was beyond feeling any pain. 

“Fortunately the cut isn’t deep enough for you to need stitches.” He put a band-aid around my finger.

I giggled at his diagnosis. “And since when have you been a doctor?”

“Evan, it’s pretty clear that the cut isn’t deep. Did you even look at it when you got it?”

“Not really. I was too busy thinking about you.” I leaned in to kiss him.

He pushed me back. “Not now, Evan.”

“What’s wrong?” I asked. 

“You’re drunk.” He stood up and began to walk out of the bathroom.

I followed him out and into the living room. “Why is that such a big deal? We both drink.” 

“Right, but I never drink and then try to sex you up. I also don’t get drunk the way that you do.”

My anger gave a little clarity to my thoughts. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“What it means is that when I drink, I’m around other people and it happens over an extended period of night. I don’t sit around in my apartment alone drinking hard liquor like some frat boy.”

“So you think I’m an alcoholic now?”

“I don’t think you’re an alcoholic, but I definitely think you have some issues with drinking. Or do you not recall the second time we met?”

And there it was. “I knew you were going to hold that over my head sooner or later.”

“Evan, this really isn’t the time to try to have this conversation. You’re drunk, we can talk about it tomorrow.”

I started behaving like a drunken brat. “No, I want to talk about this right now! Apparently you have a problem with me.”

“I don’t have a problem with you, I have a problem with what you’re doing to yourself.”

“It’s not as if I’m hurting anyone.”

“You cut yourself and it could have been much worse if you hadn’t gotten lucky and found me shortly after. Would you have even bandaged yourself?”

I acted like he had just made some sort of grand revelation that I had been going after for months. “Oh, I get it. You think I need you to get by. I didn’t survive on my own before you, I was just waiting for you to come and take care of me like a little child.”

“Evan, that’s not what I meant.”

“No, I think it is.” My words were cold and accusing. “I’m too helpless to take care of myself. What on Earth was I thinking? I shouldn’t have some fun and get a little drunk tonight. I should sit around and wait for my boyfriend to pull on my leash and drag me around.”

“I don’t keep you on a fucking leash, Evan. You know that.”

My voice raised. “Then why are you being so fucking annoying! I don’t need you breathing down my back like some damn counselor. Why don’t you just leave me the hell alone?”

Brian was screaming at this point. “Because I love you too damn much to let you hurt yourself like this, Noah! Don’t you understand that?”

Both of us were shocked by what he had said. I recovered first and started walking towards him, but in my drunken state, I didn’t notice the coffee table. Before I could even get to Brian, I tripped and fell over the table. Brian managed to catch me as I fell, but we both landed hard on the floor. And I was gone. 

When I woke up, it was still dark out. My right knee stung a little and I had a little ringing in my head. I was on top of the covers in my boxers and Brian was sitting next to me on the bed. I turned towards him and noticed that his eyes were tired and red.

“Hey,” he said, “how are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. What happened?”

“You fell and your knee got bruised and cut. I caught you, but I didn’t know if you had bumped your head since you passed out.”

“No, my head is ok aside from a little ringing from the drinking. What time is it?”

“It’s about 3:15 or so.”

“Have you been up here the entire time?”I asked incredulously.

He nodded. “I was going to leave as soon as I made sure you were ok. If you’re not feeling too poorly, I guess I’ll head downstairs.”

“Brian,” I started, “I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean to attack you like that, I know you were only trying to help, and I’m sure I wasn’t making things any easier.”

“I’m sorry, I said some things that I didn’t mean either. I just get worried when you drink like this. I care about you, Evan, I don’t want to see you hurt.” 

I pulled myself upright, wincing at the pain in my knee. In a flash Brian was on full alert checking to see if anything was seriously wrong. I convinced him that besides some mild pain, I was fine. 

“Erica is going to kill you when she gets back.”

“Why is that?” I asked.

“I went upstairs to check what had happened and to pick up a few pieces of glass that you missed, but the vase you broke was her grandmother’s favorite.”

“Shit.”

“It’ll be ok, we’ll just explain what happened.”

“Yea, but it probably wouldn’t have happened if I wasn’t drunk.”

“You don’t know that. You’re never the most graceful person even when you’re sober. You could have broken it regardless.” Brian laughed and I playfully cuffed his arm. He got up and started to leave.

“Brian?” He turned and looked at me. “About the last thing that you said before I fell, um, what did you mean?”

He walked back over to the side of the bed. “I’m sorry, Evan, the conversation was too much like one that I had with Noah before he left me.” He knelt beside me. “I guess I slipped back into that state of mind without realizing what I was saying.”

“Oh,” I said quietly. “You said, ‘I love you,’ but you called me Noah, so I figured you were talking about him.”

“But I wasn’t talking about him, I really don’t want you to get hurt. I’m sorry I yelled at you.” He reached over and put his hand on my unbruised knee. “I do love you, Evan, this just wasn’t the way I imagined tellilng you for the first time.”

My heart felt like it was going to burst. Tears began to form in the corners of my eyes. “I love you, too, Bri. It feels really soon to be saying all this, but I know it’s true. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

“Me either. It’s kinda scary isn’t it?”

“Come here,” I whispered.

I scooted over on the bed to make room for him. He climbed up and looked at me. He was beginning to cry as well. “Brian, I don’t want you to be mad at me. You’re probably right: I do need to take it easy on the drinking. If you want me to stop, I will.”

“Evan, I don’t own you. I can’t tell you what to do, where to go, I only want you to be safe. I get scared sometimes and I overreact.”

“I know, but I promise I’ll give you less to worry about. I love you.”

“I love you.”

He kissed me very gently on the lips. It was true, no one made me feel like Brian did. I had butterflies in my stomach whenever he kissed me. And every time he stared into my eyes. And every time he smiled. And every time he walked into the room. When he pulled back, he stroked the scar on my face and leaned in to kiss it. I loved it when he did that. It felt like he was trying to kiss the pain away. 

“Don’t leave me,” I said.

His blue eyes met my brown ones, and he smiled. I slid off my boxers as he took off his clothes. We both went under the covers with him spooned against my back. I reached back and brought one of his hands around to my mouth. I kissed it and let it fall down towards my waist. We fell asleep like that, with him holding me and my body curled and melted against his. 

Saturday had finally come. Brian and I were going to have our first official date. I wondered what real value the date had anymore. We had already done several date-like things and we had already told each other that we loved one another. Little did I know what surprises Brian would have in store. 

That morning Brian left early saying that he shouldn’t stick around for long and that his absence would make the heart grow fonder. I told him he was full of shit, I knew he was planning something, but he just smiled at me and ran out. 

I stayed awake in the bed, thinking about my relationship with Brian. As with any relationship, there were things that I would have liked to change, but they never bothered me for long. As mushy as it sounds, we had each other, and that was the important thing. And relationships are a lot of fun when they’re new. There’s a lot of touching and feeling and kissing. And there’s the excitement of learning new things about the other person everyday. Coming out of my relationship with Jane, Brian was absolutely perfect. Everything that Jane and I didn’t have was there with Brian. He made me so happy. 

Before I got out of bed to shower, I remembered that it was July 19th, Jane’s 23rd birthday. I had already gotten her an amber necklace earlier that month before we broke up, but I wasn’t sure if she would accept something like that from me. I wanted her to have it, though. She was my friend and she meant a lot to me even if we weren’t still dating. I decided on calling her that morning to see if I could give it to her sometime that afternoon before my date with Brian at 9. 

I dialed the number and a woman picked up. I didn’t recognize the voice, but I asked for Jane. 

“Hello?” answered Jane.

“Hey, Jane, it’s Evan. Happy Birthday!”

“Oh, thanks, Evan. What are you up to?”

“Well, I have a present here for you and I was wondering when I could come and give it to you.”

“Why don’t you come over now? That is, if you’re not doing anything else.”

“Sure, I’ll be over soon.”

Normally I didn’t use my Jeep, but sometimes it was convenient, even in New York, to have your own car. I started it up and headed North towards Jane’s apartment on the East Side. Traffic wasn’t too bad, at least by New York standards, so I got there in good time. I knocked on the door and Jane greeted me with a hug.

“Evan, it’s so good to see you.”

I handed her the box with the necklace and said, “Happy birthday!”

She opened it and gasped. “Evan, this is beautiful, I can’t accept something like this.” 

“But it’s perfect for you. It goes perfectly with your eyes. I saw it and I had to get it for you.”

“Evan, this is too much. I don’t deserve this, not after everything that I did.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, of course you deserve this. Here let me help you.”

I moved around behind her and clasped the necklace around her neck. I remembered what it was like being this close to her, but I quickly thought of Brian, and if breaking up with Jane was what I had to do to get into Brian’s arms, then I definitely was not in a bad situation. 

“Perfect,” I said once I saw the final picture. “It looks great.”

She hugged me again and said thank you. We were still in the doorway to her apartment, which was fine with me since I didn’t want to have to stay any longer than was necessary. I made some excuse about having a lunch date and told her that I would talk to her later.

“Evan?” she said.

“Yes?”

She stood there for a moment as if she was thinking very hard about some inner conflict, but she finally shook it away, smiled and said, “Nevermind.” 

I turned and left her behind me.

The rest of my day was fairly boring. I went back to Erica’s apartment to check on it and see the damage that I had done the night before. Everything except for the one vase was in order. I only hoped that she wouldn’t castrate me for breaking it. I watched some weird documentary on sea horses, thumbed through some medical journals, and anxiously awaited my date with Brian. 

After hours of waiting, 9 o’clock finally came. He had been very secretive about where we were going, so I wasn’t exactly sure of what I should wear. I wore a red short-sleeved button down shirt with a black tank top underneath and black pants. I knocked on his apartment door and was relieved to find that he was dressed in a similar fashion with khakis and a polo shirt. 

“Ready to go?” I asked.

He gave me a crooked smile. “Yup.”

“You’re still not going to tell me where we’re going, are you?”

“Nope.”

We walked out onto the street, and I tried to hail a taxi. Brian took me by the arm and led me to the parking lot where his car was. We got in and he started driving North out of town.

“How am I supposed to know that you’re not kidnapping me?”

“You’re going to have to trust me,” Brian answered.

I reached over and took his hand in mine. “What if I already do?”

He had to watch the road, but there was definitely a smile on his face. “Then you have nothing to worry about.”

That ended my questioning about what we were doing. Whatever it was, he certainly went through a lot of trouble to set it up. About fifteen minutes after we left, he asked me,

“Did you take a nap today?”

“No,” was my reply. 

“You might want to. You don’t want to get tired.”

I gave him an odd look but decided against protesting. I pushed my seat back and settled into as comfortable of a position as possible. I must have fallen asleep quickly because the next thing I remembered was Brian shaking me and telling me that we were there. 

I stepped out of the car and into the grass. I looked around and discovered that we were in a field of grass, and Brian had pulled the car right into the middle of it. Now I was definitely confused.

“Alright, Bri, where are we?”

“We’re in a little park about an hour an a half upstate. I used to come here when I was an undergrad with my friends. Look up and you’ll see why I brought you here.”

I looked up at the sky, and it was fillled with all the beautiful stars that you never get to see in New York. Brian had chosen the perfect night; it was clear and warm. 

“Brian, this is fantastic. I haven’t been able to see this many stars since I was a kid.”

He didn’t answer. Instead he opened the trunk of the car and pulled out a basket and a large blanket. 

I raised my eyebrow. “A moonlight picnic in the middle of nowhere?”

“What can I say? I’m hopeless.”

“I don’t think I’d have it any other way, baby,” I said. I helped him get the rest of the things out of the trunk. There was a loaf of bread and a bottle of wine that couldn’t fit into the basket. I pulled out the wine and looked questioningly at Brian. 

“Well, I didn’t originally plan on coming out here, but it was such a beautiful and clear night. I’ve got to drive, so there are some cokes in the back for me, but that wine is for you.” 

“It’s ok. We can save it for when we can both drink it,” I said. “I’ll have coke, too.”

We unfolded the blanket and put it on some dry grass. Brian pulled out some plates and dishes from the basket. “I’m sorry that it has to be a cold meal,” he said. “I could pop some of this on the radiator and see what that does.”

“I think we can heat things up on our own,” I said as I gave him a kiss guaranteed to cause anyone within a 10 mile radius to blush. “I really do appreciate all the effort you put into this.”

Dinner consisted of some delicious cold pasta, sandwiches, salad, and some grapes and cherry tomatoes. I ended up feeding most of the fruit to Brian. Every once in a while, I would lean in to kiss him and share a grape or tomato. Brian’s intention was probably to spend a lot of time star gazing. We did that for about ten minutes and spent the rest of the time making out. 

I sucked and nibbled on his neck, determined to pay him back for the hickeys he had left me. He sighed as he ran his fingers through my curly hair. In a barely audible voice he whispered, “Evan.”

I stopped kissing him and looked down at him. His eyes brought me an eerie sense of comfort in the moonlight. “I want you to make love to me,” he said. 

“Bri, I don’t think I can do that. I’ve never made love to a man before. What if I mess up and hurt you?”

“I can talk you through it. I need you now, I need you inside of me. Please?”

That was a new feeling. No one had ever needed me before, at least not in the way that Brian seemed to need me then. I was willing to try anything for Brian, anything at all except causing him pain. 

I had closed my eyes thinking about all of this. One look back into Brian’s eyes erased all of my doubts. I lowered my head and kissed him again, and this time I saw sparks. I knew this was right, it had to be right. 

Brian sat up as I helped him pull off his shirt. He shivered a little at first in the night air, but I pulled him closer to me and kissed him. We had both kicked off our shoes and socks when we sat down on the blanket, so I helped him out of his pants next. I quickly took off my own clothes and dove for his dark gray briefs. I started to pull them down, but he stopped me. 

“Wait, wait, I have to get something from my car,” he said.

I laughed as he ran over to the car, only wearing his underwear. Thankfully, this field was isolated. I couldn’t see street lamps or anything around us. He came back with a package of condoms and a tube of lubricant. He laid down under me, expecting me to resume my previous task, but I just looked at him.

“Something wrong?” Brian asked.

“Bri, you haven’t dated anyone since Noah right?”

“Right.”

“Have you had sex with anyone since then?”

“No.”

“And you’ve been tested since then?”

“Yes, and I’m negative,” he smiled knowing what I was getting at.

“Well, Jane and I never had sex, we dated for a year and a half, and I’ve been tested. So, I think it’s pretty safe to say that we won’t be needing these.” I picked up the box of condoms and threw them over my shoulder. Brian opened his arms and pulled me into his body. 

I kissed him all over his chest and torso, slowly working my way back down between his legs. His hips lifted off the blanket, and with agonizing slowness, I pulled off his briefs. Having him there before me completely naked, exposed, vulnerable, it was the most incredible thing. There he was.




Heaven On Earth Ch. 05



“You are so beautiful,” I said.

I think Brian’s entire body blushed when I said that. Of course, that was enough for me. I knelt between his legs and took him into my mouth. He gasped and his back arched a little. If foreplay worked with girls, why couldn’t it work with guys? I spent several minutes working Brian over. Every time it felt like he was going to cum, I pulled off and let him calm down. He was thrashing and writhing and groaning every minute leading up to the point when he said,

“Oh my God, if you don’t give it to me now I think I might die.”

I got very serious. “Bri, are you absolutely sure about this?”

“Oh, I’m sure. I’m ready now.”

“What should I do?”

“Take the lube and spread it around and up my hole.”

With the moon and the stars as my only light, I had to look around for a second to find the lube. One of us had knocked it off the blanket. I opened the cap and squirted a bit on my fingers. I was so unsure that I changed my mind and put a lot more on, and it started running down my hand. 

Brian sat up for a minute and put his hand on my face. “Evan, don’t be nervous. I know you’re not going to hurt me.” He kissed me, moving his tongue around mine. That helped me relax, but only somewhat. 

He lay back down on the blanket and moved his knees up towards his chest, offering himself to me. Remembering his directions and the blowjob he had given me two days ago, I put the lube around his hole and carefully put one finger inside. He groaned and I was so worried that I had hurt him already, but the way he was wiggling his hips suggested otherwise. I moved in and out for a while before adding a second finger. It wasn’t too different from fingering a girl, but it was hotter, tighter, and the noises Brian was making were almost enough to make me cum right there. 

In between gasps, Brian said, “You’re big, so add a third finger and then lube yourself.”

I did as I was told and added the third finger, but I got scared again when Brian cried out. 

“You just hit my prostate. That’s incredible. You didn’t do anything wrong,” he said. 

After I felt him loosen up some more, I withdrew my fingers, took off my underwear and put the lube on my own cock. 

“Put my legs over your shoulders,” he said. I lifted both of his legs and lay on top of him. He looked straight into me, straight through me, and smiled. I smiled back at him and reached down to guide myself to his hole. I placed the head at the opening and looked back at him.

“I love you,” I said.

“I love you, Evan.”

I pushed forward, probably too fast, and the head popped in. I watched Brian take in a deep breath and relax. I paused for a minute and then I began entering him inch by inch. Sooner than I realized, I was all the way in. I stayed in that position, enjoying the feeling of being completely inside of him. When I pulled out, I felt my dick brush past his prostate, which got another satisfied moan out of Brian. He pushed his hips back into me, and I started to gently pump in and out of him. Every second or third stroke, I hit his prostate again. He moved his legs down from my shoulders and wrapped them around my waist, bringing me closer to him. In this position, I was able to lean down and kiss him as I continued moving. We developed a rhythm where I would pull almost all the way out and then we would both push forward, taking me all the way back into him. Both of us were panting and sweating and moaning. His hard cock was sliding up and down my stomach as I pumped in and out. I shifted my angle and I began to run past his prostate on every stroke. I could tell that Brian was getting close because he was moaning and gasping faster than before. With him tightening his muscles around me, I was close, too. Brian was so amazing. The next few moments were a blur, and I wished that they hadn’t passed so quickly. Brian cried out, “Oh, God!” and then I felt his cock twitch between us. At the same time that he started his orgasm, I moaned and plunged all the way in and released my love into his depths as he spread his cum around our stomachs. I sighed in pleasurable exhaustion and collapsed on top of him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in for a long kiss. We kissed, letting our emotions flow into each other, physically communicating the raw feelings of love and desire. There was nothing more beautiful than that. 

A few minutes later, I rolled off and lay on the blanket next to him. His hand reached out and found mine. I grasped it tightly as we gazed at the stars and poined out our favorite constellations. Just as I thought he had falllen asleep, Brian started humming the song I taught him.

I started humming with him, and our voices filled the night. He went on past the end and added some new notes of his own. In that moment, I suddenly understood everything that the last month had been about. It had been about the creation of a song, our song, that I began thinking about the first day I met him and grew into my own melody. Now with him adding to it, I finally understood that he was completing the song. And I loved him for it.

When my body started to shake from my sobbing, Brian rolled over and looked at me.

“Baby, is everything alright?”

“I love you,” I said.

He kissed me and then I moved my head down to his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. He held me just like that. About twenty minutes later, he said, “It’s getting really late. We have to get home.” We packed up the basket and blanket and tossed them into his trunk. Neither of us put all of our clothes back on. We were pretty dirty from our lovemaking, so we both wore socks, shoes, underwear, and pants. We waited until we were back in the city to put our shirts on.

The car ride home was silent. I don’t think that either of us felt the need to express our feelings in words. I would bring his free hand up to my mouth and kiss it or he would reach over and rub my knee or we would both look at each other and smile. No words at all.

When we got back to the apartment building, we both went up to my apartment. We showered together and lovingly dried each other off. He went and got into the bed while I took a piss before bed. I went into the bedroom and his eyes followed me all the way in.

“There you are,” he said.

I climbed into bed with him. We began kissing and touching each other all over. It was after 2, but we made love again that night; the little devil had smuggled the lube upstairs in his pants. I fell into a deep sleep, spooned against Brian’s back. 

A scream brought me out of my dreams the next morning. Brian and I both jumped up in bed, dazed and confused. I looked to the doorway to my bedroom, and there was my mother’s horror-stricken face.



Heaven On Earth Ch. 06



“Evan Thomas Alexander! What are you doing?”

Shit. Shit. SHIT. My mother had come into my bedroom while Brian and I were in bed together. I had to think of something. Fast! 

“Mom, I-I can explain this!” Yes, that was brilliant.

I don’t think she heard me. She kept shouting and screaming. “You’re in bed with a man! My God in Heaven! Why, Evan, why!?”

Brian didn’t say a word. Mom picked up her suitcase and stormed out of the room. I didn’t know that it would be the last time I saw her. As soon as she left, I got out of bed in an attempt to find some clothes to put on, but I heard the front door slam before I could even get some underwear on. 

How on Earth did she get into my apartment? She and Uncle James had an extra key. Stupid. But I was supposed to pick them up at the train station at 1! What time was it? It wasn’t even 10 yet. I stood there petrified until Brian’s voice snapped me back to reality. 

“Evan?”

“I’m dead,” I said, “this is the end of it all.”

“Evan, I know this looks bad, but don’t get melodramatic on me.”

I spun around angrily and glared at him. “Brian, you don’t understand. You don’t understand at all. She’s going to kill me. God, she gets so angry sometimes.”

He never took his eyes off me. “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just don’t know what’s going to happen now.”

“Well, let’s be rational about it. She saw us in bed together, but you’re an adult, what can she do? Ground you?”

“Being rational about this requires dealing with a rational person, and my mother is far from rational. And she can do a lot more than ground me. This is going to get back to my uncle, and he’s the one that pays for this apartment. The only thing that I pay for is some of my personal expenses and loans cover my medical school tuition. If he cuts me off, and he most likely will, I’ll be out of a place to live.”

“Evan, you’ve got to calm down. Your uncle may not feel the same way as your mom.”

“It doesn’t matter, Brian. She pulls so many strings with him that one way or another she’ll convince him to do anything that she wants.”

“Baby, it’ll be alright. I’m sure you can work something out.”

“I don’t know, I just don’t know.” I tried taking a deep breath and counting to ten. “Shit!” 

Brian walked over to me and pressed his naked body against mine. I wrapped my arms around him and let him hold me there. Everything had happened so fast. What was I going to do? Getting dressed was a start.

I pulled away from Brian and started pulling out some clothes. He put on his clothes from the night before and said, “I’m going to go down to my apartment and get some clothes. I’ll be right back.”

He left and by the time he got back, I still hadn’t settled down. He set about making some coffee as I sat at the bar in disbelief. Brian reached across from the kitchen and put a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I almost brushed him off, but I didn’t let my emotions get the better of me. I was angry, but I wasn’t angry at Brian. It would have been inexcusable to lash out at him. He still didn’t understand how serious this was though. His parents didn’t mind the fact that he was gay. It took me a minute to realize that he had put a cup of coffee beside my hand. I absent-mindedly sipped at it, ignoring it when it almost burned my tongue. 

Brian poured his own cup and put some milk and sugar in. He left the kitchen and sat down beside me. I never looked up from my coffee, but I could tell that he was watching me as I sat there thinking. 

“What a perfect way to end a perfect evening,” I sighed after a few minutes. Brian reached over and took my hand into his. I finally turned to look at him and met his warm gaze. 

“Bri, this is going to change everything for me.”

He nodded silently. “It may change things for you, but it doesn’t have to change things for us.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’ve still got me. Even if your mom does something drastic, I’m going to do everything I can to help you. I’m sure the same goes for Erica, and Jane, and your sister. You haven’t lost everything.”

“But if I lose the apartment, where am I going to live? I’ve only got enough of my own savings to last me for a few months in a place like this.”

“You could apply for university housing,” he suggested.

I shook my head. “It’s so late that I’m sure they’re booked by now.” 

“Well, I realize that it’s a bit soon, but if nothing else works out, you could move in with me.”

My tired eyes fixed on him, searching his face for any sign of hesitation. “You’re serious?” I asked.

“Yes, I am.”

I have to admit that the thought had crossed my mind, but not under these circumstances. My response was quick and definite. “I can’t do that, Bri. It doesn’t feel right for us to do that, not yet at least. I want to give it more time before we take that step.”

“I feel the same way, but desperate times call for desperate measures. The option is there if you need it.”

“I appreciate that more than you know.” I leaned in and kissed his lips, tasting the sweet mixture of toothpaste and coffee. 

“We all love you, Evan, and that includes your mom.”

“Then I guess I should be ready for some tough love.”

The phone rang and I answered it. 

“Hello?”

“Evan, it’s James.”

“Er, hi, Uncle James.”

“Your mother wanted me to tell you that she is too upset to speak with you right now. She also wants me to stop paying for your apartment, and due to your atrocious behavior, I’m inclined to agree.”

“Uncle James, please, can we—”

“You have until the week of August 1st to find a new place. Goodbye.”

That sounded so unlike my uncle. His tone was so cold and formal, everything that he had never been before. I had never talked to him about homosexuality before, but I guess I knew how he felt about it after that “conversation.” I turned to look back at Brian.

“What happened?” he asked.

“As predicted, they’re kicking me out.”

I looked down into my half-empty cup of coffee. Half-empty or half-full? On a day like today, it was half-empty.

“I don’t know what I can do or say to make you feel better,” Brian said.

“My mother and my uncle just disowned me, Bri. The most I can ask of you is that you simply be here.” My shoulders slumped as I took another sip of coffee. Brian put his arm around my shoulders, and then we just sat there.

***

Brian offered to go with me to the airport to pick up Mark, which was fine with me since I didn’t want to have to be away from him more than I had to. Even with the morning’s chaotic events, the passion from the night before still hadn’t died. It seemed like we couldn’t get enough of being around each other. 

Brian circled the airport terminal in my Jeep while I went into the baggage claim area to pick up Mark. We were a little late, so he already had his bags when I spotted him. Having most recently seen little Joseph, I was amazed at how much the toddler looked like his father. Mark was average height, blond hair, and had that perpetually sleepy look that went perfectly with his warm smile. He had lost some weight since the last time I saw him, and that was not an easy task considering how thin he already was. We hugged for a moment, and then I led him outside.

Maria had already told Mark about Brian, and he didn’t care. Maria and I were always very close, so I have to admit that I was jealous of Mark at first. It felt like he was trying to take my sister away from me. After spending time around him, we developed a friendship of our own, independent from his relationship with Maria. He had become the older brother that I never had, so I truly was devastated when he and Maria moved out to California. Despite the fact that he was 25, Mark had the demeanor of someone at least ten years older. I often asked him how an old man like him survived with all the hot shot investment bankers he was working with. 

“Miss me?” I asked Brian as I slid into the front seat.

“Yup.” He kissed me, but he quickly remembered that Mark was in the back and backed off.

“Oh, don’t mind me, you two. I’m going to be around until Wednesday, so I might as well get used to it now right? Besides, we’ll just consider this payback for all the times that Evan has had to be around me and Maria.”

We all laughed at that one and headed back to my apartment. I asked Brian if he could help Mark settle into the second bedroom while I went down and checked on Erica’s apartment. Everything was in order, so I came back down after watering some of her dried out plants. Brian and Mark were sitting in the kitchen laughing about something.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

Mark turned and smiled at me. “I was just asking Brian if the two of you had already moved in together.”

“Why would you ask that?” Mark knew that we weren’t living together.

Mark started laughing at me. “Well, it’s just that you have him drive the car, take me into the house, show me the bedroom. Sounds like domestic bliss to me.”

I blushed and that only made the two of them laugh more at me. Brian stood up and came over to me. “We were just joking, baby. You know that I wouldn’t have done those things if I didn’t want to.” He gave me a quick peck on the lips. “I’m gonna leave. I’m sure you guys have plenty of stuff to catch up on.”

“Bye, Brian!” Mark called.

“Bye, Bri.”

He waved at us and left. I whirled around on Mark. “Domestic bliss? Are you trying to get rid of my boyfriend?” I lunged for his throat and pretended to strangle him. 

“Hey, hey! I was only joking, and let’s not forget that he didn’t seem to mind when I said that. I think you may have found yourself a keeper there, kiddo.”

I took a seat across the table from him. “Oh, really? And how did you figure that after knowing him for the better part of an hour?”

Mark laughed at me again. “You’re kidding right?”

“Kidding about what?”

“The two of you are nuts! Blind people can tell how hard you stare at each other. The man worships the ground you walk on, and it’s not difficult to see that the feeling is mutual. You love this guy don’t you?”

I tried my best not to stretch my entire face into a smile, but it was no use. “Yea, I really do. It’s great.”

“Good! It’s about time you found someone who makes you happy. God knows that you and Jane were driving each other crazy.”

“I’m glad you don’t care that I’ve fallen for another guy,” I said.

“Why would I care about that?”

“Some people care very much.”

“Like who?” he asked.

“Mom and Uncle James.”

“Oh, shit. Do they know?”

I retold that morning’s events to Mark. At the end, he was shaking his head in disbelief like I had done earlier. “Wow. You know Maria and I will do anything we can for you, right?”

“I know, Mark. The more I think about it though, the less I actually care. So I’ll lose this apartment, it doesn’t matter that much. And you know why?”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve got Brian, and he’s already made me feel better about the whole thing just by being here.”

Mark stood up and ruffled my hair. “You’ve got it bad, Evan. I’m going to leave you and your love sickness while I go take a nap.”

He walked down the short hall to the other bedroom. I stayed at the table with the silliest grin on my face. Being in love did that sometimes.

I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to call Maria once I had Mark back at the apartment. I used my cell phone for the free weekend minutes and waited for her to pick up.

“Hello?” she answered.

“Hey, Mare, I’ve got your husband.”

“Call me that name again and you’ll face the fury of a mother of three infants!”

I laughed, but it only fueled her anger. She continued, “And I already know that Mark is there. He called me while you went downstairs for something.” 

“Ok, then,” I said. “I think we’re going to go to dinner later. He and Brian seem to get along well.”

“Good. Where are Mom and Uncle James? Have they met Brian?” Again, I had to retell the disaster story of the month. 

“Let me talk to Mom. Maybe I can talk some sense into her,” Maria said.d

“Good luck with that. I haven’t seen her that angry in a long time.”

“Evan, you know you’ve done nothing wrong, right?”

“Of course I haven’t. Why would you ask me that?”

“I’m just making sure you know. We’ll get this all worked out. If you really want to keep the apartment, you can borrow some money from me and pay it back later.”

“Thanks for the offer, Maria, but I won’t need it.”

“Well, what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know yet. But I’ll only do that if I have no other option ok?”  

“Alright.” I heard baby cries in the background. “Looks like it’s feeding time here at the zoo.”

“Ok, I’ll talk to you later. Bye, sis.”

“Bye.”

I stood up to go to the bathroom, but a familiar pair of arms encircled my waist. 

“I have got to learn to lock that door.”

Brian growled and kissed my neck. “What if I told you that I can get around doors? Maybe I can walk right through walls. I said to myself ‘Damn, I left my wallet at Evan’s, but he’s probably locked the door. I’ll just walk right through the door.’”

“You’re a dork, you know that?” I turned myself around and looped my arms around his neck.

“Just a regular dork? Not even a semi-cute dork?”

“No, you’re a very cute dork.” I kissed him slowly and pushed my tongue into his mouth. 

We broke away, both of us almost gasping for air. “You know what I realized?” I said.

“What’s that?” Brian asked.

“If I’m going to be kicked out of this apartment, then I should get the most use out of everything it has to offer.”

Brian raised one eyebrow. “What did you have in mind?”

“I haven’t gotten a lot of use out of the bathtub.” I lowered my voice. “And it’s definitely made for more than one.” I began unbuttoning my shirt.

“Evan Alexander, are you trying to seduce me?”

I took off the shirt and tossed it aside. “Yup,” I said, now beginning to unbutton my pants.

“I thought so.” He scooped me up in his arms. It was a new feeling to be carried in another man’s arms, but I felt so comfortable with Brian. All of it was absolutely incredible. My lips found his again as he carried me into the bathroom. 

It meant so much to me to have so much time alone with Brian. We spent over an hour in that tub, draining some of the water and then filling it with hot water to keep us warm. I sat nestled between Brian’s legs, letting him draw soapy shapes on my chest from time to time. We had the usual joking and chatting going on until Brian’s tone changed and he lowered his voice.

“Evan, what are you afraid of?”

“I’m afraid that eventually we’ll have to get out of the water.”

Brian’s hands moved to tickle my ribs. I thrashed and splashed around, trying my best to escape his attack. “I’m being serious,” he said. “I want to know what you’re genuinely afraid of.”

I didn’t understand what Brian was getting at, but I decided to bite anyway. “I’m afraid of snakes. It’s not even that whole Adam and Eve thing, I just don’t like the way they move; slithering across the grass and suddenly they’re in your shoe, they’re snapping at your leg, it’s creepy.” I stopped and thought for a moment. “I’m afraid of ordering things advertised on TV. I had a dream when I was a kid that the merchandise was all part of some government conspiracy to track capitalism. Okay, I wasn’t a ‘kid,’ this was when I was 15.” 

Brian leaned forward and kissed my temple. He moved his lips down and whispered in my ear, “That’s interesting, babe, but tell me what you’re really afraid of.” 

I sat up to run some more hot water into the bath. Brian reached for me and pulled me back to his chest and held me close. Something about his touch coaxed the truth out of me. 

“I don’t want to die,” I whispered. “It’s too scary to imagine what lies beyond this world. I don’t want to stop feeling, any kind of feeling. I don’t want to forget being angry, being happy, being all the different emotions that I feel at times like this. What if dying means losing people like you in my life forever? How can anyone be ready to face that?”

“That’s all I wanted to know,” said Brian after a pause.

“Why? What are you afraid of?” 

“Here, let’s go into the bedroom and I’ll explain.” 

We both dried off but didn’t bother wearing the towels into the bedroom. Brian sat down on the bed while I, remembering the morning’s interruption, locked the door. I sat down next to Brian and anxiously awaited his explanation.

“My greatest fear is that I will wake up one morning and realize that I was never truly loved or I never loved someone else. I was willing to do anything I could to prevent that, so that’s probably why I seem so overbearing and overprotective. And being that way means that I don’t want you to suffer through your worst fear. You’ve already destroyed any fear that I have about waking up and feeling alone. I’m sure this sounds sappy, but I love you. I love you more than I thought was possible, and we’ve only begun to scratch the surface of our relationship. I want you to know that. Wherever you are in your life or afterlife, I don’t want you to feel as though you lost me because I truly don’t think that you can. I’ve given you a piece of myself, and I don’t want it back, ever.”

I stared at him, wide-eyed and open-mouthed for a long time. What he had said was still ringing in my ears.

“Evan?”

I didn’t respond.

“Evan? Say something, please.’

“How do you expect me to say anything to you ever again after hearing something so beautiful? No one has ever… Shit, I don’t even have words for it, Bri.” I gave up and hugged him so tightly. I felt like I had found Heaven on Earth. The only words I could manage before I kissed him soundly on the mouth were: “I love you so much. Only you have ever made me feel like this.”

The mischief kicked in when I pulled away. “Brian Davis, are you trying to seduce me?”

He smiled and replied, “Nope.”

“I didn’t think so, but it’s working anyway.”

I reached for him, and we kissed again and again and again. Brian rolled me over on the bed and lay on top of me. By then, both of us were hard and yearning for release. 

Brian kissed his way from my forehead over to my right ear. “Let me show you how much I love you,” he whispered.

He began that all too familiar journey down my body. He slid down to the edge of the bed, and just when I thought he was going to put me inside his mouth, I gasped as he hooked his arms under my knees and yanked me down so that he was on the floor and I was on the edge with my legs spread wide open. Brian started at my balls and slowly dragged his tongue up the length of my cock to the tip. He flicked his tongue across the head before moving back down. I was writhing in anticipation at this point. I wanted him to suck me off so badly, but he insisted on teasing me. When he finally took me inside his mouth, I moaned so loudly that I was afraid I would wake Mark all the way down the hall. I know I’ve said it before, but Brian was absolutely amazing when it came to doing anything with his tongue. He had me on the brink in seconds, but he knew it and pulled off. His new target was my butt hole. I gasped in pleasure when he licked around the hole and then pressed just the tip past my sphincter. 

I had told him that I loved him, and he had said the same. I believed him, not that I had to. My heart told me it was true long before my brain did. And here he was, working his magic between my legs. But I hadn’t fully committed myself to him. Not yet. 

“Brian, stop.”

His head popped up almost comically as I looked down there. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“There’s only one thing wrong. You’ve given yourself to me, but I haven’t done the same. I want you inside of me.”

“Evan, are you sure you’re ready for that? I don’t want you to feel pressured just because of yesterday.”

“I want to be yours, and only yours. There’s no one else that I would allow to do this.” 




Heaven On Earth Ch. 06



I scooted back towards the headboard to give him room to crawl back onto the bed. He rested on his knees and looked at my body lying beneath him. I reached over to the nightstand where we had left the lube and passed it to him. He held it in his hand and looked at it as if in a trance. As I sat up and began kissing his neck and the corners of his mouth, he began to come back to reality and started kissing me back. Brian leaned forward, putting gentle pressure on me to lie down. His body covered mine as we continued to kiss, both of us anxious for what was coming. Without breaking the kiss, he lubed up his fingers and slipped one inside of me. Oh, it was incredible. When he added the second finger, my hips came off the bed, grinding our erections together. Brian eased his fingers out of me and rolled over on the bed. He lubed up his cock and his eyes met mine.

“Let’s do it with me on the bottom so you can control it. Come here.”

I crawled over and straddled his legs. I sat on his stomach as he reached up and stroked my face. 

“I love your scar,” he said.

“Why?”

“Because it reminds me of how beautiful you are even in the face of hardship.” 

I bent forward and kissed him. At the same time, I reached behind me and wrapped my hand around his cock. I pulled back and lifted my hips to put it at my entrance. Some guys would probably be afraid for their first time, but I knew that I didn’t have anything to worry about with Brian. I sat back a little and pushed the head through. I stopped immediately, frozen with pain. Brian placed his hands on my hips and lifted me off. 

“Maybe we should stop.”

I didn’t say anything. Instead, I pushed myself down again, bearing down on the pain. I kept pushing and took the rest of him inside of me. Neither of us moved. The feeling of Brian filling me, completing me, was too much. I wiggled my hips a little and the repositioning of his penis was enough to set me off. I shot spurts on my own chest, all the way up to my chin, and on Brian’s stomach. Exhausted, I fell forward on top of him. Brian started laughing to himself.

“I guess I’ll be doing all the work after all,” he chuckled. 

Brian slid his hips down on the bed and raised my body higher up on his to give himself more room to move. He started a slow rhythm of pushing in and out of me. We both moaned as he kept up this slow pace for a good ten minutes. Still pressed into him, I felt the start of another erection coming. 

“God, you’re tight,” he said. 

His upward thrusts became more powerful, and by this point, I was moving myself down to meet him. All of the pain had dissolved into the pleasure of knowing that Brian was taking my body, joining a part of him with me. My heart was already his. “I love you,” I said. I ran my hands over his chest and pushed down as hard as I could, taking all of him into me. He grunted and came deep inside me as I released more cum between the two of us. 

I must have passed out from the emotional and physical pleasure because I opened my eyes and Brian was up against my back. He felt me stirring and said,

“Hey, baby. You ok?”

“I’m fine,” I replied. “That was out of this world.”

“I know the feeling,” he said. “It’s almost 8, and I heard Mark in the kitchen a few minutes ago. We should probably go get dinner.”

“What if I told you I didn’t want to move, that I would stay here forever?”

“I would say that’s fine, but your brother would still be hungry.”

“Damn, I hate logic.” I removed myself from Brian and started putting on clothes. “I was thinking about taking him to that Mexican restaurant about two blocks down. Does that sound good?”

“Anywhere you are is fine with me,” said Brian. 

“You just want to have your way with me again,” I said. I walked into the kitchen while Brian finished dressing. Mark was fishing things out of the pantry.

“It’s about time you guys finished, I’m starving.”

I blushed. “You could hear us?”

“Only parts of it, but it almost makes me want to sleep with Brian. He must be good.”

Mark had a good laugh at my expense. 

***

Brian and I were cuddling the next morning. We were talking about apartment hunting in the newspaper, but neither of us actually wanted to get up and get the newspaper. 

“If you go get it, I’ll give you a back massage,” I said.

“If you go, I’ll give you a foot massage,” he said.

“How about I give you a back massage and I’ll make the coffee for the two of us.”

“I’ll give you the foot massage and breakfast in bed.”

“Well that doesn’t work,” I said, “I’d have to get out of the bed first. No one wants breakfast in bed after already leaving the bed.” 

“Fine, fine.” Brian said. “How about I flip you for it?”

“Now there’s a good solution. I’ll find a coin.”

“Who needs a coin?” Brian said with a mischievous grin. I looked questioningly at him, and he flipped me over onto my stomach and started licking and biting at my butt cheeks. 

“Ha ha, very clever,” I said. “You’ll ‘flip’ me for it.”

“Are you complaining then?” he asked.

“No, you can keep going.” 

Before he could, I heard a knock at the front door. “Shit,” Brian muttered. He rolled over and allowed me to stand up and put on some clothes. 

“I’m coming!” I yelled. Brian grumbled at the interruption and went into the bathroom. I pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and walked out into the living room towards the door. The alarm had already been disengaged since Mark left earlier that morning for his first conference meeting. I opened the door, and there was Uncle James, smiling his usual quiet happiness. 

“Hello, Evan!” he said.

“Er, hi, Uncle James, what are you doing here?”

“Well, I decided that it was time for you and I to have a talk without your mother looming over our shoulders. May I come in?”

I was still very stunned to see him in the first place. I dumbly moved aside and let him inside. He walked right by me with a definite bounce in his step. I closed the door as he plopped himself down on a couch. 

I took a seat on the opposite couch. Uncle James looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and smiled.

“I bet you’re wondering why I’m here,” he said.

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“Well, first of all, I would like to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I’m sure I sounded very harsh, but that was for the purpose of pleasing your mother. You see, you and I both know that what your mother doesn’t know won’t hurt her. It’s simply unfortunate that you had to come out to her in that manner.”

I only nodded. I was still somewhat apprehensive about why Uncle James was there. 

“I want you to know, Evan, that your being gay does not matter to me at all.”

“Then why are you not going to pay for my apartment anymore?”

“I am going to pay for your apartment, it’s just that your mother won’t know that I am. That’s why I had to put on that act yesterday.”

Brian walked out into the living room. Thank God he was fully clothed. He looked first at Uncle James and then at me. 

“Uncle James, this is Brian Davis, my—”

“Your boyfriend,” finished Uncle James. He stood up. “Nice to meet you, Brian.”

“It’s nice too meet you, too, Mr. Alexander.” 

“Oh, it’s Mr. McGill, but please, call me James.”

Uncle James sat down on the couch again and Brian took a seat next to me. He was unsure as to why Uncle James was there, so he sat farther from me than he usually would. I moved closer and took his hand in mine to let him know that it was alright. 

“So as I was saying,” continued Uncle James, “I am going to continue paying for your apartment, but unfortunately, your mother will be suspicious of where a lot of the money is going.” He stopped and gave Brian a crooked smile. “Now, if I were only to pay half of the rent, she would have less to worry about. The best thing for you to do is find a roommate who would want an apartment like this for half-price.”

I was dumbfounded. “Uncle James, thank you so much, but why are you doing this behind Mom’s back?”

“Because there are many things in this world that your mother does not understand and will never understand. This can’t be an easy transition for you, but I’m glad that you’ve got people to help you through it. I didn’t have any body to share with when I realized that I was gay.”

Oh, my God. Do things get any crazier than this? “I-I’m sorry, what did you say, Uncle James?”

He chuckled to himself. “Didn’t you ever wonder why I never got married or even dated? No one really knows though, especially not your mother.”

“Uncle James, that’s a horrible burden to hold alone for so long. How have you gone all this time keeping that to yourself?”

“Survival, dear boy, survival. Unfortunately, I don’t have time to stay. I merely dropped by to tell you this in person. I will try my best to come and visit you another time.” We all stood up and hugged each other.

“Isn’t there any way you could try to talk to Mom about this?”

“I think you know as well as I do that your mother is very set in her ways. There is always hope though. Goodbye, you two.”

He shut the door on his way out, leaving me and Brian standing there. I put my arms around his waist and hugged him. He returned my embrace and let me rest my head on his shoulder. “This is too much drama,” I sighed.

Brian laughed. “I guess it is true that everyone has a gay uncle. Strange how he hasn’t stood up to your mom.”

“That’s just not his style. I wish he wouldn’t let her control him so much.”

“At least you get to keep your apartment.”

“Yea, now I’ve got to find a roommate.”

“Put out an ad in the paper. I’m sure someone would be interested in a place like this for half of the regular price.”

I pulled back and stared him in the face. “Do you really want me to share my loft with some person that I don’t know who could be a potential psychopath?”

He kissed my forehead. “You cook up the wildest things sometimes.” He thought for a moment before continuing. “There’s always Jane, you know.”

I took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. “Of course, because that wouldn’t be awkward at all. ‘Hi, Jane, remember when we used to date? Ok, well I’m going to go sleep with Brian now.’” 

“Good point.”

“Then again, I don’t really know anyone in town. I need to branch out more because you and Erica are my entire social life.” My last words trailed off as the idea came to me. “Erica! She could share the apartment! That would be great!”

Brian’s eyes widened as he gave me a unusual stare. “Have you lost my mind? You and Erica would kill each other before the first day was over.”

“Why would you say that?”

“You’re complete opposites when it comes to living habits. She’s obsessively clean, you’re not.” Ok, I couldn’t deny that one. “You like to stay up late, she goes to sleep fairly early because she works so hard during the week. Her paintings are going to take up your space, and you’re going to hate that. It’s just a terrible match.”

“But we get along as friends, she’s a great cook, and there’s enough room so that we can stay out of each other’s way if things get nasty.”

“Being friends and living together are two different things,” Brian said. “And you should know better than to think that Erica will fall into the roles of cook and housekeeper.” 

“I still think that it’s worth asking her about and seeing what she thinks.” I searched Brian’s face for any sign of approval, but I didn’t find any. “You really want me to ask you to move in with me, don’t you?”

“I do,” he said quietly. “But I can’t make that decision for you.”

“Brian, I haven’t even known you for a month.”

“Actually, yesterday was the one month anniversary of the day I met you,” he interrupted.

“Yes, that’s true, but I only met you that once during that first week. We didn’t even start dating until the 9th. Today is the 21st. I don’t want to rush this and fuck it up.”

“Do you really think that’s what’s going to happen?”

“No, but don’t you think it’s scary that we’re talking about living together when we haven’t been dating for two weeks?”

“I sure do.”

“Then why are you bringing this up?”

“Because even though it’s scary doesn’t mean that I’m afraid,” he said. 

“Well, I still am. Can you give me some time to think about this?”

“Take all the time you need, I’m not going anywhere.” He checked his watch. “Ok, I lied, I have to be in class soon, so I’ll give you a call later. Bye, babe.” He kissed my cheek and ran out.

“Bye,” I said. 

“Love you,” he called from the other side of the door.

Every thing was happening too fast. Maybe this was why I wanted to take it slow in the first place. I thought Brian would understand why I wasn’t ready for this. Being gay doesn’t have to define your entire life, but it most certainly defines your lovelife. Having every aspect of that change, from Jane to Brian, celibacy to an active sex life, from cordiality to passion, to love, it was rather overwhelming to experience in the time period of a few weeks. Maybe I was subconsciously afraid of being happy. Maybe I was subconsciously afraid of being that far into a relationship with a man. What was left after moving in together? A dog? Kids? Oh, God. Could I possibly be ready for that? There was only one way to deal with all this. Shower time.

***

Thankfully the next couple of days were comparatively uneventful. Mark left on Wednesday at about the same time that Erica got back. When I returned from dropping him off at the airport, an angry southern belle was standing at the door to my apartment. 

“How are ya gonna explain the fact that my grandmother’s vase is missing?”

“Erica, I’m so sorry, I bumped into it and broke it.”

“As long as it was an accident. I’m still claiming your first born child.”

“Actually, I think I can offer you something that you won’t have to wait for as long as taking my kid.”

“Oh, really? And what’s that?”

“Step into my office,” I said.

She laughed as I opened the door and led her into the kitchen. I poured us both some water. 

“Got a beer?” she asked.

“Nope. I stopped drinking, for now at least.”

“What brought that on?”

I told her all of things that had happened in the past few days. Most of the time she was laughing her ass off, even at my mother’s theatrics. “So now you’re looking for a roommate?”

“Yes, and I was wondering if you were interested?”

“You’ve got to be jokin’ me,” she said.

I was perplexed. “No, why would I be joking? I think we would have a good time.”

“You’ve got a perfectly good boyfriend to move in with you, and you’re asking me?”

“I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of commitment with Brian. We haven’t been together that long.”

“Hun, it’s not the quantity that matters, it’s the quality. I’ve seen people together for three years that look at each other with less adoration than you and Brian and they’re moving in together. I know it may seem fast, but you’ve got the real thing, trust me.”

“But don’t you think that—”

“No.”

“Erica, what if—”

“Not going to happen.”

“This is a—”

“Do you love him?”

“Without a doubt.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

Maybe she had a point, but that still didn’t shake the feeling that was holding me back. I had never lived with any of my girlfriends. Jane was the girl that I had dated for the longest amount of time, and it’s pretty clear by now that that relationship was headed nowhere. Uncle James and Mom did buy the apartment with the intention of me one day starting a family. I felt like there was a future for us, but was this the time to start it. It was a disussion that I needed to have with Brian, not internalized thoughts. 

He came back to my apartment after dinner that evening. I had done a very good job of steering the conversation away from my living situation. It was true that we had already slipped into routines around the apartment. We went out to dinner, watched TV, most nights he was sleeping in my bed, he even helped me clean and showed me a few cooking techniques. Now that I had stopped working, and Brian only had classes on Mondays and Thursdays, we spent almost every moment with each other. So what was the big difference if he were to move in? Whatever it was, it got to me.

Both of us were exhausted and decided to go to bed early. Tomorrow was a better day to talk to Brian. I went to sleep almost instantly as I felt his body move in behind me. I loved it when he cradled me against his chest; it was so secure and peaceful. In the middle of the night, I felt Brian release me and walk into the kitchen. A few minutes later, I heard something fall, so I decided to check it out. As I stepped around the corner where the hall joined with the living room, someone broke glass over my head and I passed out. 

When I woke up, I was still naked, my ankles and wrists were tied to the four posts of the bed, and my mouth was shut with tape. I tested my restraints, finding that they were tight enough to prevent me from twisting or moving more than a couple of inches. I had never been more scared in my life. A moan from the other side of the room directed my attention to Brian. I could only tilt my head up slightly, but I saw pretty much everything. He was tied down to one of the kitchen chairs, with his ankles tied around the legs and his arms trapped behind him. His head was down when I first looked at him, but when I groaned as loudly as I could in an attempt to see if he was alright, he tilted his head up and I could see that he was gagged as well. There were streaks of dried blood down one side of his head. I tried to communicate with him using my eyes, but he turned away and looked towards the bathroom. As I slowly and painfully turned my head, following where his eyes were looking, the light in the bathroom went on, and our captor stepped out of the shadows. Why would Jane do this to us?



Heaven On Earth Ch. 07



Chapter 7: Out of a Storybook

An astonished cry that was meant to be "Jane!" escaped my lips, but it was muffled by the tape over my mouth. She walked over to the bed where I could see her in a better light. I was still dizzy from being knocked out, but a closer look told me the truth. This was not Jane. Sure, it was the same long, flowing hair, the same warming eyes, even though those eyes now helped to transform her face into a twisted grin, the same figure that filled out her nightgown, but the mannerisms weren't the same. She didn't stand like Jane, she didn't move like Jane. And the way she looked at me, Jane had never, could never, look at me like that.

My eyes went from being wide to narrowed, from astonishment to scornful realization.

Laura, Jane's twin, caught the change and chuckled. "Tsk tsk tsk," she clucked her tongue, "Evan, is that any way to celebrate our reunion? I thought you would be happy to see me."

A low groan and my best attempt at thrashing around were my only responses. 

"Oh, don't try to escape. You'll only hurt yourself in the process. I made sure that these knots were secure enough to hold you. The only chance of getting them undone is to cut them. I wasn't a Girl Scout for no reason, you know."

What the fuck was this? Some sort of bondage fantasy that Laura was trying to live out? She reached out and began stroking my hair and face. I did my best to move away from her, but there was nowhere to go. 

As far as twins went, it was difficult to find two sisters who were less alike than Jane and Laura. A lot of that came from the fact that they didn't like being automatically categorized as stereotypical identical twins, so they worked their hardest to define separate identities. They both developed different interests: Jane did a lot of art and dance activities whereas Laura tried out more sporty things. They had different friends even in grade school, which is why Laura and I weren't as close. For a while, they both contemplated changing their appearances, but they never did since they both already were satisfied with the way they looked. This isn't to say that they weren't close because the truth is that they did love each other like sisters, but they each wanted to be her own person.

"Poor, poor Evan," she said. "I bet you don't even know what's going on? Well, I'm sure by now you can guess that I'm here on Jane's behalf." She leaned in close to me and whispered into my ear. "You hurt my sister, there is no way that I'm going to let you get away with that." She stood up and went to the foot of the bed and started again. What is it with villainous people finding the need to say everything that's on their minds? They never seem to shut up.

"I bet you don't even know what you've done." I couldn't say anything, so I simply waited for her to continue. "Jane didn't want to break up with you, you know. She saw the way things were headed with you and that fag over there. God knows why, but she gave up and let you go on to commit all sorts of crazy acts of sodomy." I tilted my head over to Brian. His head had dropped again and he seemed to be sleeping. Jane crossed over to him and yanked his head back. "Ah, ah," she said, "you need to see and hear every last word of this, you sick creep. How dare you try to ruin our family's happiness." Jane released Brian's head and turned back to me, but I was sure that she was keeping an eye on him to be sure that he was paying attention.

"Do you know that Jane tried to commit suicide after she broke up with you?" My eyes filled with horror as she continued. "She was so upset that she couldn't make things work with you that she tried jumping out of her window. Thankfully, I had come up for a visit and was able to stop her. I've had to stay in New York ever since worrying that the same thing could happen again." I shifted my eyes to Brian, who was still staring in our direction, but he was wiggling a little in his seat. Fortunately, Laura hadn't noticed. "Jane has never been this hurt since our dad died. And now I understand why. She considers you family, Evan. Your moving away from her, trying to break up our family, it was almost too much, it would have been too much for her to handle had I not saved her. Now it's my turn to save her again. You're going back to Jane, you're going to marry into our wholesome Catholic family so that she can be happy, and you're going to make my mother disgustingly happy with little Catholic grandkids running around."

Laura climbed onto the king-size bed, over my wide spread legs, and straddled my torso. "I'm going to show you the right way, the straight way, and when I'm done with you, you'll never want to go back to your boy toy over there. Of course, you're not going to be able to go back to him after he's dead, but I think I should keep him alive long enough to let him watch you enjoy this shouldn't I?" She leaned forward and whispered into my ear again. "You loved women once, you loved my sister once, I'll make you love her again." 

She crawled off of my torso and backed up to the space between my legs. She turned around and said to Brian, "You better make sure your queer eyes are locked onto every last moment of this or I'll make you suffer even more before you die." I could see Brian's icy eyes trying to burn their way right through her. If only that could have worked. He turned his hard stare on me. I didn't know what he was trying to communicate to me, but the look he was giving me caused me to shiver with fear. Did he think that I wanted this? That I didn't love him? No, he knew I did. That look was for something else. But for what? 

Laura focused her attention on me again. "Since you've made this easy for me by living all the way up here alone on the top floor, I don't think there's any worry of someone hearing you. Besides, I want your queer friend to hear how much you love this." She reached up and yanked the tape off of my mouth. I winced in pain, but I refused to say anything. I wasn't going to give her that satisfaction. I merely glared at her. It was all I could do. Her hand found my dick and began pumping it up and down. Next, she used her tongue to lick my balls and the base of my penis. When you're a 21 year old male, there's not much you can do to avoid arousal when someone is stroking your cock, no matter what the circumstances are. Despite my best efforts, she had me fully erect after sucking me. Laura pulled her nightgown up to reveal that she wasn't wearing any panties. She climbed back onto my torso and began to lower herself onto me. Her intention was definitely to have me enjoy what she was doing. Her fingers moved up my sides and tickled my stomach and nipples. When Laura had fully impaled herself on me, she let out a primal groan. I almost laughed out loud. What a good Catholic girl she was! There was no hymen for me to break. While she continued to tweak one of my nipples with one hand, she reached behind herself and fondled my balls with the other. Then she began to raise herself up and down, raping me. 

It must have been good for her because she came twice, grinding her clit into my pubic hair and bouncing up and down faster and faster on my cock. I was fighting the urge to cum and managed to hold off for some time, but I groaned in my resistance, which Laura misinterpreted as desire and worked herself harder. And then it happened, and there was nothing I could do to stop the course of nature. I came inside of her, and even though I made no noise, I slumped against the bed and exhaled in exhaustion. 

She lifted herself off of me and swung one leg over me so that she could slide off the bed. "Not bad, Evan. Take a breather, I'm going to get a drink, and then I'll be back for round two." She headed for the door but stopped herself before she left. "I almost forgot," she said in a sing-song voice. She pulled out some more duct tape from under the bed and put it over my mouth. "No talking, you two. Evan, you shouldn't want to associate with a fag like him anyway." 

As soon as she left, I fixed my eyes on Brian. I was trying to apologize to him using my eyes. He seemed to understand with a nod of his head, but then he began violently wriggling his feet and legs. From where I was, I could barely see, but I could see enough that he was beginning to get out of the rope that held him to the chair. Rubbing his bare leg against the rope time and time again must have been excrutiating, but he kept up the hard writhing until he heard Laura's footsteps in the hall again.  

She came back in holding a bottle of tequila and two glasses. "I thought that you could use a little relaxing, too. You're way too tense, Evan. Try loosening up and it'll feel that much better." I watched her pour a little more than a shot into each glass, and then she threw down hers. She pulled the tape off my mouth again and held the glass to my mouth. At least I was getting a shave out of this, right? Ok, ok, this was definitely not the time for jokes. I held my lips shut tight. Laura reached down and wrenched my balls, and I gasped at the sudden pain. She poured the tequila down my mouth and then brought her hand up from my balls to clamp my mouth shut. I still wouldn't swallow. She put down the glass and used her other hand to pinch my nose shut. I quickly swallowed, and she released me. I yawned and popped my ears that had gotten stopped up when I swallowed while my nose was held shut. "There," she said in a sickeningly sweet voice, "that wasn't so terrible. Don't you feel better now?"  Still, I didn't say anything and I don't think she expected me to. She walked over to Brian and said, "Did you like that, you little bitch? That's the way things are supposed to happen." I heard him moan under the tape on his mouth, and she just laughed. She crawled on top of me again and repeated the same process as before: getting me hard, and then riding me like a slut. 

After she repeated that two more times, I was almost entirely out of energy. Every time that I started to drift off, Laura would slap me awake. It was still dark outside, but the clock was turned away at an angle where I couldn't see it. Brian was still wide awake, and when Laura would take breaks, I saw that he had made some progress working with his restraints while Laura was pumping herself up and down on me with her back to Brian. Laura left the room again, mentioning something about making a snack for more energy. Even though I had shifted into an uncomfortable position and the knots around my wrists and ankles were beginning to make my hands and feet tingle with numbness, I laid my head back and felt myself start to fall asleep. A groan from Brian brought my head up to look at him. He made sure that I was looking at him, and he moved one of his knees up to show me that it had been freed. He pulled his foot out entirely and put it back in position as Laura started to come back. Brian managed to vigorously nod his head before she made it completely inside the room, but he stopped once she entered. She set a box of Cheerios down on the nightstand before climbing on top of me again. I saw Brian begin to bob his head up and down again before Laura moved in the way. 

"You, me, and Jane. We sure do love our Cheerios, don't we?"

Laura removed my gag again and began working me over again. Now that she was crouched down with her head between my legs again, I could see Brian practically having a fit nodding his head. Suddenly, I understood what he was doing. He wanted me to distract her while he freed himself. I couldn't risk nodding my head in case Laura noticed, but I did wink at him to let him know that I had finally caught on. He stopped nodding and looked very relieved. He must have been aching after moving his head so much. I was aching myself; I was barely hard at this point. Laura mounted me again, and this time I responded to her movements.

"Oh, God," I gasped.

"You like that, don't you, Evan? My hot pussy feels good doesn't it?"

"Yes," I groaned. "Ride me harder." I pushed as far up as I could with my hips and thrust into her.

"Yes!" she cried. My movement made her raise herself up and then drop down that much faster. Every time she came back down on me, she ground herself into me. She had lost the friction to make herself cum a long time ago, but you couldn't blame the girl for trying. I wondered if I could still cum since she had pushed me to the point of exhaustion. She leaned forward and began to growl and she nipped at my neck, leaving me to do the work of pushing myself in and out of her. Over her shoulder, I could see Brian start to rise from the chair. He started to tiptoe out of the room. When he turned a little to the side, I could see that his hands were handcuffed. Shit, there was no way he could get out of those. I began moaning and groaning louder and louder, anything to divert Laura's attention. 

I think she was so happy that she had finally made some progress with me that she started crying out and almost barking in pleasure. I knew that I would need to hold out for as long as possible to give Brian the kind of time to do anything. That wasn't as difficult as it sounds considering I had already cum four times that night. The time between my third and fourth orgasms seemed to have been the longest, so I focused on trying to keep Laura on top of me. Even still, there wasn't much that a handcuffed and gagged man could do. Hopefully, he had gone downstairs and found Dave, the security guard. If a bound, gagged, and naked man wasn't enough to raise all sorts of questions, I don't know what would be.

It felt like fifteen minutes or so had passed since Brian left. A few spasms shook my body, but I doubt that I shot anything. I was tired, and the well was dry. So much for the stamina of youth. I put my head back into the bed and said, "Laura, that was spectacular."

Laura was overjoyed. "You see, I knew you would like it. Now you'll be ready to go back to Jane and she can be happy again. And you'll be happy, too, Evan, I know you will. The two of you were meant to be together."

My head snapped up again as I heard the sound of flesh connecting with flesh. Laura fell limp on top of me and Erica stood over the bed with a wide-eyed and no longer gagged Brian looking on in amazement. 

"Next time, make sure you tie your knots tighter, bitch," Erica said. 

With surprising speed, Laura jumped up and launched herself at Erica. Erica staggered backwards, but before Laura could attack her, Brian delivered a hard kick to her stomach that knocked the wind out of her making her slump on the floor, gasping for air. Erica quickly grabbed a handgun off the dresser behind her and pointed it at Laura's crumpled form on the floor. "Stay down this time," she snarled. 

Erica held her there for almost ten minutes. The tension was so high that no one dared to say a word. The police got there and made Erica put her gun away. Brian hurriedly explained everything while Erica ran into the kitchen and got a knife. She came back into the bedroom, but one of the officers tried to stop her. 

"Ma'am, what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to cut him loose," she shrieked. "Or if you haven't noticed, the man is tied to his own bed!"

I think her screaming surprised him, and he moved aside to let her chop off each one of the ties. Since Erica had been holding the gun and Brian was still cuffed, no one had been able to take my gag off. Erica ripped it off, and I yelled in pain. Two officers had handcuffed Laura and read her her rights as they escorted her out of the room. I got off the bed as paramedics rushed into the room, and after making quick sense of the crazy scene, they wrapped both me and Brian in blankets and began to lead us out of the room. Brian protested, saying that they needed to get the key for the handcuffs. Laura had used a cheap set of handcuffs from a porn shop. I suppose I shouldn't call them cheap since they had done their job. Brian had found the package with the key in the trash can before the police got there, but he hadn't been able to pick it up. An officer used gloves to fish it out of the trash, and after using the key to unlock Brian, he dropped the cuffs, key, and package into a bag for evidence. An officer and a paramedic began arguing over whether or not they could let us go to the hospital yet. The officer insisted that he needed pictures of us in our current state and the paramedic demanded that we get to the hospital immediately. The police officer finally won, and another proceeded to take photos of Brian and me. It was humiliating to say the least. I looked completely ravaged and had the cut ropes hanging off my body. The ropes had moved down a little, so it was clear that I had rope burn. Brian was in worse shape. There was blood all down the right side of his head. Laura must have bashed him over the head in order to knock him out. She hit me, too, but I wasn't bleeding from any place that I knew of. His ankles and shins were rubbed raw and bleeding from his battle of struggling out of the chair. They also collected some of the mess that was spread all over my pubic region for DNA evidence. It was yet another humiliating experience having someone scrape off sex juices from my dick. Once that was all over, they put the blankets over us again, and we were practically pushed down the elevator and outside into the waiting ambulance. 

***

I can't say that Brian and I were handled with tender, loving care as we were both hospitalized for our burns and bruises. We ended up in adjacent beds in the same room meant for four patients, but for a while, there were a bunch of policemen fighting with the doctors. We managed to give our statements to the police while the doctors were treating us, but I think the doctors were a little rougher than necessary at times, possibly due to the fact that they were frustrated with the police. Once the police cleared out, and the doctor finished stitching up Brian's head, we were both left to get some sleep. I asked a nurse what time it was as she was leaving. It was around 7 in the morning. Brian and I had gone to bed around 10. How long had Laura managed to keep us trapped up there was beyond me. I sighed deeply and closed my eyes, trying to process the night's traumatic events. Eventually I thought that it would simply be better to forget and go to bed. I was so exhausted that I almost didn't remember to say goodnight to Brian. I looked over to his bed, but he was gone. I almost jumped out of bed when he put his hand on my arm.

"Boo," he said quietly.

"Jesus, Bri, what was that for?"

Somehow he managed to smile after everything that had happened. "You looked like you could use a good kind of surprise."

"Are you alright? I haven't had a decent chance to talk to you at all."

"I'm fine. I should be asking you the same question."

"Don't worry about me. You were much more banged up than I was."

"Yea, you got sex and abuse, I just got the abuse."

"Bri, as much as I would love to talk to you all night, I've got to get some rest. I'm so tired."

"I know, I am, too. I just had to say one thing."

"I love you, too, Bri."

He bent down and lightly kissed my lips. "Goodnight, Evan." He got back into his own bed and tried to get as comfortable as possible

"'Night."

The next morning, or rather the next afternoon, I woke up, and a few minutes later, a nurse came in to assess my wounds. She knew about what I had been forced to go through, I'm sure a large part of the hospital knew, but she was very sympathetic despite the fact that I was gay. My rope burn was not too bad at all. She removed the bandages and applied an ointment and then gave me fresh bandages. The nurse told me that she would bring me back something to eat in a few minutes. 

I tried my best to relax and let my mind drift to better times and happier thoughts, but that's very hard to do when you've just experienced what I went through. One of the nurses or doctors was kind enough to leave the curtain open so that I could Brian and I could see each other. Brian was still asleep. I found comfort in watching his chest rhythmically rise and fall as he slept. Thank God he was alive. Thank God we were both alive. 




Heaven On Earth Ch. 07



Someone entered the room, and I turned back to see who it was.

"Well, at least one of y'all is awake."

I held out my arms to hug Erica, and she wrapped her arms around me so hard that I was afraid she might choke me. 

"It's good to see you, too, 'sugah,'" I said. 

"How is everything here?" 

"It's good," I said. "I think they're keeping us here more out of courtesy for our exhaustion than actually being hurt. I only speak for myself though. Brian is in slightly worse shape than I am."

"Yea, she hit him good. I screamed last night when I came to the door."

"What happened exactly?" I asked.

"I'm guessing that he managed to get himself free while that what's her name bitch,"

"Laura," I interjected.

"Whatever. He got free and came downstairs and started banging on my door with his knee or somethin'. I woke up and opened the door. He was moaning and wailing behind that gag, so I pulled it off and he spilled out the important parts of the story. I immediately dialed 911. It took me forever to explain to the idiots what was going on. When I got off the phone, I tried to find a way to get those damn handcuffs off Brian, but he was more worried about you. I grabbed my gun and ran back upstairs with Brian right behind me. You know the rest."

"So what were you doing with a gun?" I asked jokingly.

"Sugah, I'm a southern woman living in New York City. Of course I have a gun." 

"And I love you for having it. You saved our lives, Erica."

"I don't expect payment, just your eternal servitude."

"How about I toss you a dime and we'll call it even?" Brian croaked from his bed.

I whipped my head around to see Brian begin to sit up in bed. "Are you always going to eavesdrop on our conversations, Bri?" I asked.

"I don't think it counts as eavesdropping when I'm in the same room and you know that I'm in the same room."

I got out of the bed and went over to his. I hugged and kissed him for all I was worth. Only Erica's swooning noises made me think to stop, and even that didn't do much. A nurse and a doctor came back in, and the doctor cleared her throat. 

"If you're done Mr. Alexander, I need to check out Mr. Davis before I can discharge you two," said the doctor. 

I hopped back into my bed, giddy at the fact that Brian was awake. The nurse put the dinner tray on my lap and gave me a smile as she patted my shoulder. Both Erica and I were focused on Brian as his bandages were changed, his stitches were checked, and the cuts on his ankles were treated. Sure, he looked a little worse for the wear, but he was the most beautiful thing I had seen. The doctor checked over me briefly and said that we would both be good to go as soon as we finished eating. Our conversation resumed once the doctor and the nurse had left.

"Erica, what time is it?" Brian asked.

"It's a little after 4. I asked my boss if I could leave early, and once I explained the situation, he was happy to let me go."

Brian groaned. "Shit, I missed my class."

"You were in the hospital, I think your professor will understand," said Erica.

"Nice to know that we practically slept the whole day away," I said.

"I don't know about you, babe, but I could have slept for the next week."

I turned to Erica. "Erica, if you had the gun the whole time, why didn't you just shoot Laura?"

"Good grief, Evan, I wasn't trying to kill or maim the girl. I just wanted to knock her out. I was so confused at first even though Brian told me it was Jane's sister. I still thought it was Jane. So my fist seemed like a better solution than a gun, but I'm paying for that with the pain that I have today." She stretched her hand and cracked her knuckles.

"Mike Tyson you are not, Erica," said Brian, "but that was one hell of a hit."

I laughed. "It sure was. Brian your mouth was wide open when you saw that Erica hit her." 

We all laughed at that one. The best way for us to deal with it was to make jokes. No, they didn't erase the pain, but at least it allowed us to make the situation seem less serious than it actually was. We were only human, after all. 

"Whenever y'all are ready, I brought some clothes from Evan's apartment, and I used my extra key to get into your apartment, Brian. They're in this bag, so we can leave soon."

"Thanks, Erica," I said. I scooted my tray down my legs. "Maybe we can go somewhere and get some real food."

The nurse came back in with Brian's food. I said that I was done and would get dressed. The nurse nodded, took my tray, and left again. After fishing my clothes out of Erica's bag, I went into the bathroom and changed. 

Brian and Erica were laughing when I came out of the bathroom. "What's so funny?" I asked.

"We were just commenting on how this is too much like a movie," Erica said. "I mean, there's the good twin, the bad twin, I'm just waiting for something else to come out of it."

I shuddered at the thought. Without even touching his dinner, Brian got up and changed. We were both eager to go. Erica didn't have a car, so we elected to take a cab back to the apartment after we signed some papers at the hospital. Erica said that the police were still looking over the apartment early that morning when she went to work, but everything had been cleared out when we got back. After Brian and I showered, Erica rummaged around the fridge, looking for food. She offered to make dinner for us as soon as she got some spices and extra food from her apartment. When we were alone, I pulled Brian in and kissed him deeply and passionately.

I released him, and he said, "Wow. What was that for?"

"Because I could," I replied.

"You know, you're handling this very well," he said.

"I'm fine. Everything is okay now."

"Evan, you were raped. That's pretty serious."

"I'm fine," I said again. "I just want you right now."

Brian led me over to a couch and sat down. I came down on his lap and put my head on his shoulder. Both of his arms looped around me, and he pulled me in close. He tilted his own head to rest on mine. 

"Brian, I love you," I said quietly. "Can we stay like this for good?"

"You mean bruised, scarred, and exhausted?"

I kissed him right below his jaw. "You know what I mean."

"Yea, I know, babe. It would be nice to never have to move from this spot. Why don't we just stay here for an hour or so?"

"That's not what I meant, Bri. I want to be with you every morning and every night. I don't want you to go away."

Brian pulled his head away and looked down at me. "Are you saying you want me to move in with you?"

"I do." I moved my head up to look him in the eyes.

"What happened to being afraid?"

"I was afraid. I am afraid. But when you're being held captive by your ex-girlfriend's psychotic twin sister for hours, you begin to realize the kinds of things that you should really be afraid of."

Erica came back in, but she walked right past us and into the kitchen. 

"So unless your answer has changed, I want to live with you," I said moving in to nibble on his earlobe.

He moaned. "No, nothing has changed. But Erica's right there in the kitchen, so you should probably stop that," he whispered.

I shifted my position and leaned into his other ear. "Make me," I said as I began tugging at the other one with my teeth. 

Brian started to tickle me. I laughed so hard that I fell backwards off his lap and onto the rest of the couch. He got on top of me and continued tickling me. One minute I was laughing and then I snapped. It was like Laura was crushing me all over again. My arms were tied back again. I was a victim. Someone else was in control of me...

"Get off me!" I shouted.

Brian thought I was joking, so he only intensified his assault. I jerked forward and pushed him back. Brian stared at me in surprise. Those eyes of his cut into me, and I think it took me a second to shock myself back to reality. 

"Brian, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened."

By this point, Erica was watching us from the kitchen. "Ya'll ok?" she asked.

Neither of us said anything. Brian moved forward and took me into his arms. I started sniffing back tears as he rocked and held me. 

"Sssh," he said. "It's ok. I didn't mean to put you in that position. I guess we underestimated how you would react to all this."

Erica came over and sat on the other side of the me. She put her head on my back and held me. That just started the flow of tears. Frustration, fear, and anger that I didn't even know I had came pouring out of me. Erica ran back and forth to the kitchen to check on the food, but she always came back. Brian had me pushed against his chest as I babbled between sobs about all the things that had happened the night before. He stroked my hair and kissed my temple from time to time. 

Dinner was a little awkward. None of us knew how to address my sudden meltdown. I still don't think that I was unjustified in freaking out, but it did make conversation very difficult. Brian and I cleared the table. Erica excused herself, saying she would be back after a shower and a phone call to her sister. 

We piled the dishes into the sink. I washed as Brian dried.

"I'm so sorry, Brian. I didn't mean to push you."

"Baby, I know you didn't. Let's just forget about it, alright?"

I nodded my head and went back to washing in silence. I began to feel like it was going to be a long road to recovery. 

Having Brian on top of me must have triggered something. I had slept very soundly in the hospital. That night, even with Brian spooning me against his chest, I didn't feel safe, and I had always felt safe with him around. I tried lulling myself by listening to him sleep, but too many things were distracting me. Of course, we had changed the sheets, but the bed didn't feel right to me. The room didn't feel right to me. I was almost afraid to admit it, but Brian didn't feel right to me. I got out of bed at about 2 and went into the living room to watch TV. Nothing was really on, but I tried to tire myself out. Nearly two hours later, I gave up on that. I pulled back the covers in the guest bedroom and tried sleeping in there. I laid in bed, trying to clear my mind and relax, but it was no use. I managed to fall asleep as the sun was coming up, but I didn't sleep long. The little sleep that I did get seemed to be enough. I got out of bed and showered in the extra bathroom. I didn't want to go back to my room, but I felt like I should put on some clothes. Brian was beginning to wake up when I walked in. 

He rubbed his eyes sleepily and said, "Where did you go?"

"I couldn't sleep in here, so I went into the other bedroom."

He stood up and walked over to me. I shivered a little when he touched my face. "Do you want to try staying at my place for a few days? Maybe that will help." 

"I'll be fine, Bri. Really."

His eyes got warm and looked right through me. "Evan, haven't you learned by now that you're a terrible liar."

I moved in and wrapped my arms around his neck. I couldn't regenerate that feeling of safety that I felt with him. I felt like someone was looming over me, ready to take him away from me, and there was nothing that either of us could do to prevent it.  

"I'm going to take a shower and run some hot water over this damn rope burn," he said. "It's starting to itch a little."

He went into the bathroom, and I put on some clothes. I went into the kitchen and started making some coffee. I took out a cereal bowl and grabbed the box of Cheerios. My mind instantly flashed back to Laura eating the Cheerios. I dropped the box and spilled the contents everywhere.

"Shit," I said out loud. I was still picking up the Os when Brian walked in and helped me. I must have seemed so pathetic, and that just started me crying again right there on the kitchen floor. Brian threw his Cheerios away and reached for me. I melted into his arms and let him hold me again. 

"Brian, this is all my fault."

"Don't be ridiculous. You didn't do this."

"Yes, it is. If I hadn't let Jane go, if we were never together, she never would have hurt you."

"If we were never together?"

"Brian, I feel terrible that you got put in the middle of this. I wouldn't blame you if—"

"Shut up, Evan. Shut up."

I focused my teary eyes on him. "Don't you ever think that I regret this, you hear me?" he started to cry too. "I don't want you to feel like that. We're going to get past this. You and me. Because we love each other, and don't you forget it."

I leaned in and kissed him. It was one of those kisses that involved tongue, but it was soulful, fulfilling. Brian let me know how much he truly cared and worried about me. I only hoped that it was enough. It had to be because it was it was all I had.

"I need you," he said.

"I need you, too, Bri."

"Come on, let's go out for breakfast. It'll probably do you some good to get out of here."

"No, it's fine. I'm not that hungry. Do you think we could go down to your place?"

"Sure." As he stood up, I got a good look at his ankles as his pants came up. 

"Bri, are those really painful?"

"Not at all. I don't twist or bang around my ankles, so unless something is rubbing them, I'm fine."

He helped me up, and I put my arm around his waist. Brian did the same as we walked into the bedroom to get our shoes. On the way out, I noticed that the message light was blinking on the phone.

"That's funny, I didn't notice that I had messages before." 

I walked over and pressed the button. "You have two new messages. First message sent Thursday, July 24th at 9: 27am." I shuddered when I heard the voice.

"Evan, Brian, anyone, this is Jane. Laura just called me down to the police station. She didn't tell me what happened, but one of the officers gave me the basic description of what happened. This is all my fault. Laura must have taken my key and gotten into your apartment. I refused to bail her out. Evan, I am so incredibly sorry about this. They wouldn't release the information of what hospital you're in, but please, please, give me a call."

Whoa. I wasn't really sure how to take that one. "Next message sent Thursday, July 24th at 12:49pm."

"What the fuck is going on there? Here I am sitting at home and Jane calls me asking me if she knows what hospital you're in! I ask her why you're in the hospital in the first place, and then she tells me that her fucking sister raped and tortured you!! Someone better give me a call and tell me what's going on. Jesus, as if I don't have enough to worry about. You better damn well be alright or I'm going to bring you to California and treat you like you were more infantile than my three kids!"

I turned to Brian. "You definitely need to meet my sister one of these days."

"That's ok, I can feel her wrath from here."

We turned and walked to the door. I locked everything up and turned on the alarm. Brian pushed the button for the elevator, and Jane was standing there when the doors opened.

"Oh, my God, Evan!"

Brian and I both went on edge. I was one of the few people who could actually tell Jane and Laura apart, but Brian hadn't known either of them for very long. 

"Are you alright? Oh my goodness, look at your wrists! Brian, your head!"

She put her hand up to check his head, but he backed away. She looked confused. "Jane, I'm sorry, I'm a little weirded out that you look so much like, well, your twin."

"I'm sorry, I didn't think of how strange this would be for the two of you. I'll come back later."

"No, Jane," I said, "we need to talk."

She laughed nervously. "Evan, we're not dating anymore. That's no way to start a conversation."

I lowered my voice even though we were alone in the hall. "Jane, Laura told us that you tried to commit suicide." "Oh," she breathed. "You know that Laura isn't particularly stable, she must have made that up to get to you."

I moved towards, but now it was her turn to back away. "You don't believe me, do you?" she asked.

"Jane, I—"

"Just cut it out." She punched the elevator button and because the elevator had stayed on our floor, she was able to immediately get on. I started to put my hand in the way of the doors, but Brian held my arm.

"Let her go," he whispered. "I don't think this is the time to try to talk it out. We've all got to recover."

"Bri, I don't want her to hurt herself!"

"Evan, I think that you're the last person that could do anything about that right now. From what Laura said, you're more of a cause of her pain rather than the cure."

Damn. I hated when he was right, but nothing could shake the feeling that, for once, he was horribly wrong.

He pressed the elevator button again, and we waited for it to return. When we got into the apartment, I immediately went to his bookshelf. I had my reasons for coming down to his apartment for a change. Brian went to the kitchen.

"Are you sure you don't want anything?" he asked. "I'm going to make myself some pancakes."

"Um, on second thought, that sounds great," I called. There it was! I pulled out Song of Solomon, the book I had picked up weeks ago. I nestled myself into a spot on Brian's couch and started flipping through the pages towards the end. I vaguely remembered something about a crazy, ex-girlfriend of Milkman, the main character, trying to kill him. As insane as it sounded, my life was turning into this book. Not that it was Jane trying to kill me, it was Laura. But a twin was pretty close. I flipped through the pages for a few minutes and found it. Hagar. That was her name. Jane and Laura had become my Hagar. Between the two of them, they were a former lover of mine, obsessed with having my love and willing to go to any extent to have me again. 

"What are you looking at?" Brian said, popping up behind me.

"Oh, it's nothing."

"You sure? Every time you go to my bookshelf, you find that book."

"I'm fine, babe, I promise. I was thinking though, do you think it would be better to try to move some of our stuff to storage or sell it?"

"Well, your living room is pretty empty. I could put my books and couch in there. Your TV is bigger than mine, so maybe we could put mine in the bedroom. I don't know what to do about my bed, kitchen table, and desk."

"There's room in the study for an extra desk. I don't see how there's room for the other stuff though. I like your bed, it's more comfortable than the one I have in the extra bedroom. Maybe we could use your bed in there, and I can give that bed back to my mom." My voice faded out with those last words. 

Brian kissed the side of my head. "Well, I'm sure your mom wouldn't object to having her bed back. We never did it in that one. And your uncle might be willing to come get it."

"We'll see." 

"While we're talking about him, did you plan on telling him about what happened with Laura?"

"No, I think it's better that Uncle James not know. I don't want him to worry or be more stressed than is necessary."

"I'm sure Maria will tell him."

"Probably. I don't want to be the one to tell him."

"Don't you think it would better coming from you?" 

"Do you always have to be right?" I said it with more anger than I intended.

"Evan, I'm only trying to be helpful."

"I know, I know. Dammit. Don't listen to me, I'm just being pissy." He walked around the couch and sat down. Using both of his hands, he took my hand and kissed it. "Just remember that I'm not fighting you. I'm on your side."

I closed my eyes and sighed. "I know you are. Everything is getting to me, and I'm trying not to let it, but I can't make any guarantees."

"The pancakes are ready. Will that make you feel any better?"

"Yea, let's eat."

***

After we finished eating, Brian sat down with a book and cuddled with me on the couch. I was more exhausted than I thought I was. I fell asleep with my arm around Brian's shoulder and his head pressed into my side. At some point, we reversed ourselves because when I woke up, my head was in Brian's lap and he was gently massaging my shoulder. I got that strange, empty, weightless feeling in my stomach when I turned to look at him. At times like this, it was really intense, as though I needed him to fill out the rest of me. He was my Prince Charming, but the real thing was infinitely better than the storybook character. He smiled at me and stroked my hair.




Heaven On Earth Ch. 07



"You were really tired weren't you?" he asked.

"Yea, I told you that I didn't sleep much."

"I know. I'm glad you had a chance to get some real sleep."

"What time is it?" I yawned in his arms.

"You are so cute when you do that." He lowered his head and kissed me deeply. "It's about 2:15 or so. I got a lot of work done while you were sleeping. I finished my book, did some cleaning, and made some phone calls."

"And I didn't wake up the whole time you were moving around?"

"Nope. I thought I was the heavy sleeper, but you were like a rock. I let you fall against the other side of the couch, did all my stuff, and came back and put you down on my lap. You never even stirred," Brian said.

"Well, if you were so productive while I was sleeping, maybe you'd like it better if I slept forever." I sat up and pretended to be upset with him. I turned my nose up and looked away.

"You know that's not true," he said. "Take it back."

"No," I refused.

"This is your last warning, babe."

"So now you're threatening me?"

He grabbed me and pulled me back on top of him, being careful not to repeat the mistake he made yesterday by sitting on me. Brian tried tickling me from this angle, but it was a complete failure. His arms were trapped beneath my body, so he had limited room to move with his hands. I laughed more because of his pitiful attempt rather than actually being tickled. He realized that he had failed and sighed, "I lose again."

"That's alright, Bri, there's still the consolation prize." I rolled over so that I was laid out on top of him. I moved down and kissed him into the couch. His right hand moved up to stroke my scarred cheek as I let my tongue explore his mouth. 

"Wow. I don't care what you say, that's better than any consolation prize," he chuckled.

"Brian, I want you to touch me."

"I'm a little confused. What am I doing now?"

"No, I want you to make love to me. I want you to make me forget everyone and everything that's happened. I only want to think about you." I bent down and flicked my tongue across his earlobe. 

A noise louder than the gasp Brian made when I sucked on his neck stopped us both. It was like a thud against the door. We got up and opened the door to find Erica staring at us with bloodshot eyes, her skin sickly and paler than Snow White. 

"You idiots, you're still in danger," she rasped.



Heaven On Earth Ch. 08



Chapter 8: Potty Mouth

Erica pushed her way into Brian's apartment. Brian and I stood back in amazement. 

"What do you mean we're still in danger?" I asked.

"Stop and think for a moment. Evan, you are religious about turning your alarm on. Was that night any different?"

"Of course not. I always turn it on, no matter what."

Then Erica said just what I was thinking. "So why didn't it go off when Laura broke in?"

"Shit," muttered Brian.

The way that my alarm worked was that it would go off silently for ten seconds after the door is opened. That gives me time to disarm the alarm before the noise comes on, and it's more startling for intruders to hear it after they've already come in. "Dammit, I was so stressed and worried that I didn't even think about that."

"Who knows the code?" asked Erica.

"Only my mother, my uncle, Jane, and me. I haven't even remembered to tell Brian."

"Well, I think we all know how Laura got the code to the alarm," Brian said.

"It doesn't make sense. Why would Jane tell Laura the code? There would be no reason for her to know it."

"Unless Jane knew what Laura was going to do," Erica said in a matter-of-fact tone. That made all of the color drain from my face. Erica didn't look too good either. She was swaying a little as she spoke. Brian walked over and helped her steady herself.

"Erica, are you alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine, I just have a little fever, so I stayed home from work."

"No offense, but you look terrible. Let me get you some water."

"Fuck the water. Can we focus on what's important here? Jane must have been involved in this whole thing! She's probably still after you!"

"Erica, we can't jump to conclusions on this. We don't know the whole story," I said. "That's not something Jane would do."

"As far as I'm concerned, she's the same as her twin, same genes and everything!" "Come on, Erica, let's sit down. You're bordering on delirious." Brian took her over to the kitchen table and sat her down. I fixed a glass of ice water and handed it to her. 

"I'm not that sick," she insisted after taking a long drink. "This is really serious. Laura may be locked up, but Jane could still get into your apartment."

"No, she can't. The police confiscated the key that Laura used," Brian said.

"Don't be silly. Who's to say that she didn't make copies?"

Neither of us responded. We both knew it was true. And even though I didn't think that Jane was capable of such cruelty, the circumstances intensified my doubt. 

"You should probably get the locks changed, just as a precaution," Brian suggested. 

I nodded in agreement. Brian massaged my shoulders, trying to soothe and calm me. I didn't respond to his touch. What Erica had said shook me to the core. Could Jane be partially responsible for what Laura did? I was beginning to feel ill. If Jane was in on Laura's plan, we were in serious danger. I excused myself and went into the bathroom where I promptly threw up. 

Brian heard me and knocked on the door. He came in and knelt down beside me. I slowly turned towards him. 

"I love you," he said. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you." My life was in danger. Laura wasn't interested in killing me, but she said that she would kill Brian. Brian was quickly becoming my life. I couldn't let anyone take him away from me. I wiped my mouth with toilet paper and wordlessly rose to my feet. Brian stood up as well, and I looked up into his blue eyes. God, I loved those eyes. He kissed my scar and put his arms around me. "I love you, too." There was nothing else I could say. I refused to let anyone take him away from me, but how on Earth was I supposed to prevent that from happening? He seemed to know what I was thinking and squeezed me tighter. 

"Too many of our close moments happen in the bathroom," I said.

Brian laughed. "Maybe we should try out the public bathrooms. I'd say we've finished with Private Bathroom Loving 101." 

I grinned, but at the same time, I realized that my breath was bad enough to make anyone want to kill me. "Do you have an extra toothbrush? Throwing up is never a good smell."

"Sure do." He fished one out of the bathroom drawer and handed it to me. As he turned to leave, I quickly pinched his ass. He gave me a surprised and devilish look, but I innocently turned back to brushing my teeth. 

As I went back into the living room, Brian was covering Erica with a blanket as she tried to sleep stretched out on the couch. I walked up behind him and slipped both of my arms around his waist. I leaned in and scraped my teeth on the side of his neck. The soft moan that was my reward only encouraged me further. I untucked his shirt and moved my hands up his chest. Brian swatted my arms and pulled free from my hold. He turned around and put one finger to his lips, motioning for us to be quiet while Erica was resting. He took my hand and led me towards the bedroom. Once we had shut the door, I seized his mouth with mine, craving the true intimacy with Brian instead of the "tough love" from Laura. Something told me that Brian felt the same way. He growled as I alternated between kissing him and unbuttoning his shirt. 

This was, of course, the perfect time for someone to knock on the door.

"Forget about it," I said in a harsh whisper. I moved down and started licking his left nipple.

"No, oh shit, that's great. No, wait. I can't." His breathing rate increased. "No one ever comes by here, I have to see who it is."

Brian tore himself away from me and went to answer the door with his open shirt and somewhat bulging pants. I collapsed back on the bed with a frustrated groan. Perhaps I was trying too hard to compensate for the pain I was feeling, but I couldn't see that at the time. My only concern was being happy. Being happy with Brian.

I lifted myself off the bed after a few minutes and went to see what was keeping Brian. He was standing by the door, but he was talking to a small, blond haired man who looked like he had the beginnings of tears in his eyes. The look on Brian's face was stony and almost angry. When he saw me, his face lightened a little but not enough to convince me that everything was alright. 

After putting his thoughts together, Brian made the introduction. "This is my boyfriend, Evan Alexander. He's starting medical school at Columbia next month. Evan, this is Noah Meyers."

Shit.

***

Now I knew how Brian felt when we sat around with Jane. No, scratch that, I knew how Brian felt, only ten times worse. Brian had said earlier that he hadn't dealt with Noah since his drug addiction, and Erica made no secret of her dislike for him. It was agonizingly awkward to say the very least. What was worse was the seating arrangement. Erica sat up and moved to one side of the couch. I sat down on the opposite end, so there was room between us for Brian to sit down after he got everyone something to drink. From that first encounter, I knew I was going to have to keep my eye on Noah. He was a sneaky one. Rather than try to sit with Brian, he sat in the empty spot, effectively keeping me away from Brian but subtly laying his claim to his ex-boyfriend. Some would say that I was being paranoid, but one look at the way Noah acted around Brian clearly explained that he felt like the relationship ended too abruptly.

There were other things, too. Other things that just IRRITATED me. Noah talked a lot about being in rehab and re-assimilating himself into regular society, but the tone that he used was driving me mad. It was as if he was trying to show off or prove something to Brian, to prove that he had changed. At first, Brian seemed cold and cautious towards Noah, but as time went on, I could tell that he was warming up to him. He talked about all the success he had achieved in working his way back from being a poor drug user to working substitute teaching jobs around Queens. But it was also in the way that he turned his body towards Brian or laughed at his jokes or went for the prolonged skin to skin contact when he handed Brian his glass for a refill. After he hugged Brian and left, I felt so relieved that he was gone. Erica whispered in my ear as Noah and Brian went to the door. 

"Don't worry, you have nothin' to be jealous of."

I nodded, but it was hard to stand for that. Nobody wants an ex to try to take back his old boyfriend when that boyfriend is now yours. Brian closed the door and turned around with an exhausted look on his face.

"Wow. That was completely unexpected."

Erica snorted. "Tell me about it." 

"He's really different. I'm really surprised at how much better he's gotten."

Erica stood up and started for the bathroom. Before she went in, she whirled around on one foot and said, "Bri, never forget that the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Leave it to Erica not to hold back anything. I rose from the couch and went over to Brian. He put his arms around me and rested his forehead against mine. "That was... interesting," he said after a minute or so.

"Yea, try uncomfortable."

"Why was that uncomfortable?"

"Having your ex-boyfriend and ex-drug user sit down and have casual conversation with us as though nothing had happened since the two of you broke up? I'd call that uncomfortable."

He pulled his head back and glared at me. "No more uncomfortable than when Jane would hang around us."

"That's a completely different situation."

He let his arms fall, and then he put them on his hips and cocked his head at me. "Why is this different? Because Noah used to use drugs?"

"That's one reason," I said. "There are other reasons such as the fact that Jane and I never had a relationship like you two did, or the fact that I have no interest in women whereas you still are interested in guys, or—"

He cut me off. "Are you saying that you think I want to get back with Noah?"

"I don't know what you feel, Brian, but I think it's pretty obvious that he wants you back." 

"What do you mean you don't know how I feel? I say I love you and I mean it."

"I know you do," I could tell he was starting to get really upset.

"Then what the fuck are you questioning me for!?"

"Brian, I'm not questioning you; I just don't trust his intentions."

"It doesn't matter what he wants. Don't you trust me enough to not let shit like that bother you?"

"You know I do."

"Well, if this is the kind of suspicion and jealousy that's going to come up whenever another guy shows interest in me, then I want you to leave." He opened the door and stood next to it.

"What? Brian, don't you think you're taking this a little far?"

"Get out," he said. I had never heard him sound so cold.

I stayed where I was, not so much in defiance of what he wanted, but I was absolutely stunned. This was the last thing I expected to happen, and I didn't understand why Brian was being so rash and angry.

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" he screamed.

I hid my face from him as I walked out, and I choked back tears when he slammed the door on my back. What the hell was going on. I did not understand why Brian was reacting like that. Our relationship was strong, but it was new. I hoped that this wouldn't break us down. 

I went up to my apartment. It had been a while since I had worked out, and quite frankly, I needed that something to make me feel good. I started on the treadmill. Although I had planned to do a light workout of 3 miles, I was out of shape and exhausted after finishing two. I was a long distance track runner, I should have been able to handle more. I toweled off and started to go for my second shower of the day, but there was a knock at the door. Instantly thinking, "Brian!," I practically ran to the door and opened it. It was Erica, not Brian.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey, come on in." She followed me inside. I grabbed some Gatorade from the refrigerator and gulped about half of it down. "I'm guessing you heard everything that Brian and I said."

"Yup, I heard most of it. For what it's worth, you were acting pretty suspicious and I think Brian was justified in feeling a little upset, but he overreacted. There was no reason for him to treat you that way. I tore him a new asshole after you left." 

"What did he say?"

"Nothing really. He just looked at me for a minute or so and then went to the phone and started calling someone named Kennedy."

I sighed deeply. "Well, it's not as if I can do anything now. He kicked me out, so it's really up to him to make the first move."

"Y'all just hit a bump in the road. It's no big deal. You'll see."

"Thanks, Erica," I said without much emotion. "I suppose the first time you see someone get really angry is shocking." 

She nodded. "Yea, Brian usually keeps his cool. Noah is just a soft spot for him. He would defend anything that Noah did."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, he didn't really want to let Noah go, but he felt like he had to. Dealing with an addict was simply not what he wanted to do. And to be completely honest, I think that in the back of his mind, I think he always regretted doing it until he met you." 

I swallowed the other half of the Gatorade. "That's kind of cold comfort now. But thanks."

"This isn't over, Evan." She stopped for a minute. "Oh shit, with everything that happened today, I forgot to tell you and Brian about my art show this Sunday. Another artist pulled out of the show and a friend of mine got a spot for three of my paintings!"

"That's great, Erica. What time does it start?"

"2pm sharp. It's semi-formal."

"Where is it?"

"It's about seven blocks over at this gallery. How about you come with me and we can get lunch or somethin' before."

"That works for me."

"Great. I need to go rest up so that I can actually enjoy it. I'll see ya later."

"Bye." 

Something in me hoped that Brian would be at the door when Erica left or that he would knock the instant I locked it, but he didn't. I showered and settled down on the couch with the remote control and a beer. Dammit, why hadn't Brian called or anything? I ordered out for a pizza, which was rather counter productive to my afternoon workout, but it made me feel better. I had gone through four beers by the time the pizza boy got there. I had lost a lot of my shame by that point and I almost hit on him, but I managed to restrain myself. I polished off half of the pizza and the other two beers. Due to my low tolerance, I was absolutely trashed. Sleep almost claimed me as I slouched on the couch, but the knocking on the door brought me back to a full state of alertness. Well, as alert as one could be while drunk. Brian was on the other side of the door.

"Hey," he said, standing there rather sheepishly.

I giggled at him, but I had to brace myself on the wall. 

"Shit, you're drunk," he said. He turned around and started to leave.

"Wait, heh heh, Brian where are you going?" I followed him out into the hall.

"Evan, I came up here to apologize to you, but I'm not going to do that if you're barely aware of what I'm saying to you."

"I was feeling down so I had a few beers. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that I can't put up with you if you run off and get drunk every time we have an argument. You criticize Noah for using drugs, but you're not much better when you drink yourself silly like this!" He mashed the elevator button and left, leaving me watching as the doors closed. "FUCK!" I screamed. I went back into my apartment and slammed the door. 

I stayed in the apartment for the majority of the next day. Brian didn't call, and I didn't either. I had called a locksmith to come and change the lock on the door. They said they could come and do it on Monday morning. I pulled out the pamphlet that came with the alarm system and changed the code to 062003, the day I met Brian. I still wasn't sure if Jane was involved with Laura's plan or not, and I was too afraid to find out. Laura was in jail, awaiting her trial, and that's what was important. 

There's not much to do while you're alone when you've been spending every moment possible with your boyfriend. Still, I pretended as though it was a day when Brian had class. Usually, I was able to see him by the evening, but I was depressingly lonely by midnight or so. I decided that a change of scenery was what I needed, even though I knew there was something I needed more than that. I dressed myself up in a pair of leather pants that I bought on a whim and a black top with a white button down shirt to go over it. I was going to check out a club or two. Once outside, I waved down a taxi and headed for Times Square. We stopped at a light, and I happened to look over at a pizzeria. Coincidences are terrible. I absolutely despise coincidences. Brian and Noah were coming out of the doors. Noah was wolfing down a piece of pizza, and Brian had his arm around his shoulder. The light changed and we drove ahead. I didn't want to see anymore anyway. The cab dropped me off at a club called Show, but I didn't want to go in. I stood in line for a few minutes but quickly lost interest. I walked around for a little while, caught another cab, and went home. I was broken when I got home. I went straight to the guest bedroom and fell into a fitful sleep. 

Thankfully, I woke up on time on Sunday to go to lunch with Erica. We headed down to Joelle's for some great burgers and fries. True, we were overdressed to be eating at Joelle's, but nobody seemed to notice or care. It was New York. Erica was so excited and nervous about her art that I didn't want to bring her down by telling her about Brian and Noah. I had never seen Erica like this. She was always so calm, collected, and in control. Now, as she sat across from me, a chattering ball of nerves, I watched that façade melt away. She truly was imperfect, with the same apprehension that anyone would feel at a time like this. It made me love her that much more. 

The art show was particularly interesting. There was some artwork from some veterans, whose names I don't know anyway, and there was also a lot of new stuff from budding artists like Erica. We chatted in a corner, sipping on wine and watching people's reactions to her artwork. The friend that set her up for the show, who Erica introduced to me as Samantha, pulled her aside for a moment. I continued around the gallery and looked at other artists' work. I thought about buying a couple of pieces, but most of them were far beyond my price range. Even with Uncle James paying for the apartment, I only had so much of a savings account to use for my other purchases while I wasn't working. Erica came back over to me and practically started bouncing up and down.

"Someone just bought one of my paintings for $650!" she exclaimed.

"Erica, that's fantastic! Which painting?"

"Emotions!"

"Emotions" was my favorite painting that she had at the show. It was a dark-haired woman standing in a forest clearing and smelling a flower. I felt as though it expressed a lot about solitude and understanding the importance and pain of being alone. We walked over to it as I kept congratulating her. Then I looked over and noticed Brian and Noah in another part of the gallery. At that moment, Noah happened to catch my eye and he smiled at me. I hesitantly waved at him. His smile broadened and he turned back to Brian and looped his arm through Brian's. Brian didn't do anything to stop him or pull away. What was this!? Some sort of soap opera? Erica saw it, too. She said that she was going to go tell Brian about her sale. I excused myself to go to the restroom. I didn't actually have to go, but it seemed like the best place to go and sulk. I went into one of the stalls and sat there with my head in my hands. I heard someone come in and what was unmistakably Brian's cough. I pulled my feet up and crouched on the toilet seat. The last thing I wanted with him was some awkward confrontation. I listened as he used a urinal and washed his hands.




Heaven On Earth Ch. 08



"Brian," Noah came in with that whiny whistle that he called a voice. "Where did you go? You left us so suddenly."

"Well, Erica said that Evan went to the bathroom. I came in here to find him, but no one is in here."

"Oh. Maybe he left."

"Maybe."

I heard Noah clear his throat. "Besides, why would you want to bother with him anymore? I'm back now. I know that it's sudden, but you should take me up on my offer to start over again."

"Noah, I've explained to you that I'm with Evan now, and I have no intention of changing that."

"You used to say that about me."

"Things have changed, Noah."

"They could always change back." I could hear Noah stepping towards Brian. "You have to admit, Brian, I was the best fuck you ever had."

"You're right, you were, and still are, the best fuck I've ever had." My heart sank when I heard him say that. "But I've never fucked Evan. What we have is completely different. I love him and I make love to him, and it's the same for him. It was never like that with us."

"You used to tell me that you loved me," Noah said.

"I thought I loved you, and I thought you loved me. But I understand now that it wasn't love. Love isn't supposed to cause pain like that. I would sit around waiting for you to stop abusing yourself and you would tell me to fuck off every time. I would hardly call that 'love.'"

"But I do love you, Brian. Why do you think I went into rehab and starting building my life again? I did all of this so I could come back to you, sweetheart. Can you honestly say that drunken kid means more to you than I do?"

Brian didn't hesitate for a moment. "Yes, I can, Noah. I want, no, I NEED, someone that I can love and depend on. I can't even compare how long Evan and I have been together to how long you and I have been together because he has come to mean more to me in one month than you did in a year. He makes me feel like no one else ever has, yet because of some pointless argument about you, I'm telling you all these things that I should be telling him. You shouldn't have gone through rehab for my benefit, that should have been something you did for yourself. And to think that you can come back and reclaim me like some sort of possession that you left behind is crazy. The best you can hope for is my friendship, and you're really starting to push your chances at even having that."

I was surprised that no one heard Brian from outside. Tears were rolling down my face by this point. "One day, you silly fag," he began, "you're going to realize that I'm the best thing you ever had, and you're making a huge mistake." The door swung open and closed again. I heard Brian exhale sharply and walk towards the door.

My foot had fallen asleep, so I tried to shift position on the tiny toilet seat and take the pressure off. I slipped and with a crash, I fell into a sitting position on the commode. 

"Is someone in here?" Brian said.

Shit. Shit. There was no way I could get out of this. Miraculously, I didn't hurt myself when I fell. I stood up and slowly opened the door to the stall.

"Oh, my God," Brian whispered when I stepped out. 

"Hi," I said so quietly that I wasn't entirely sure that I made any sound.

"You heard everything, didn't you?"

"Yes." 

He walked over to where I was standing. "Baby, I'm so sorry. You had every right to be wary of Noah. I didn't think he honestly thought he had any chance of getting me back."

"No, Brian, I shouldn't have doubted you and acted like an ass on top of all that."

"You were upset. There was no reason I should have yelled at you. Noah just has a way of getting to me. No matter what he does, I have always felt bad for the way things happened between us. It won't happen again, I promise."

"Bri, you don't have to explain it to me. It's fine." I sniffed and couldn't hold back from crying my heart out. He was hugging me in an instant, and I was soaking his shirt with tears. "I'm not going to drink anymore," I mumbled into his chest.

"What?" he lifted my chin up and looked into my eyes.

"Surprising, isn't it?"

"No, I didn't hear what you said."

"I said I'm not going to drink anymore. I'd say that it's proved to be downright terrible for this relationship, so I won't do it anymore."

"Evan, you don't have to do that." 

"You said I wasn't any better than Noah."

"I was angry, I didn't mean it."

"No, it's ok. You were right, but I'm not going to make the same dumb mistake that he did. I'm not going to let this drive you away from me. You're infinitely more important to me than alcohol. I love you, Brian." 

Brian grabbed me and kissed me so tenderly that I almost collapsed in joy. The kiss turned more passionate as I moved my hand up to his face and he grabbed my butt. We broke apart when Brian started laughing. 

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"We have definitely moved on to Public Restroom Loving 110." 

I dissolved into a fit of laughter and Brian joined me. The dried tear streaks from having cried shortly before were joined by tears of laughter. Neither of us could stop laughing until some guy came in to actually use the bathroom. Brian and I walked back into the gallery, our hands around each other's waist. Erica was glowing when we found her. 

"Noah stormed outta here a while ago. I figured somethin' had gone right." I looked at Brian and smiled. He smiled back, and I kissed him. Erica squealed. Brian and I exchanged a knowing look. 

"Congratulations again, Erica," I said.

"But you'll have to excuse us," Brian finished.

Erica had to cover her mouth to keep herself from laughing too hard as Brian and I practically bolted out of the gallery. 

I was so intensely happy when Brian finally slid into me.

***

"Your tub is so great," Brian sighed.

I was planting soft kisses up and down his collar bone and neck. "It's our tub now, you'll live here, too, as soon as we get all our stuff moved around."

Brian was laying down in the bathtub with his left arm propped on the side so that he wouldn't slip down. I was on laying on top of him, face to face, and kissing him all over as we let the water relax us. His right hand moved up and down my back and butt, caressing me as I let my weight rest entirely on him. 

"I think I've found Heaven," he said.

"Why is that?"

"Because this is so perfect. I've got this comfortable bathtub, warm water, great feelings. I've got you, that's all I really want anyway."

I nuzzled his neck, losing myself in his scent. "Don't ever leave me," he said. 

I think that was the first time Brian ever left himself so open to me. I had always needed him, wanted him to be the one to stay, now he was asking me not to go. "I won't," I said. "I wouldn't even dream of it."

He put both arms around me, but as he did, he lost what ability he had to stay in place. He slipped down the tub and brought me with him. Waves of water splashed all around us and over the edge of the tub. 

"Brian, are you alright?"

His head didn't come out from under the water, and there were no bubbles from his nose. There was a tiny cloud of blood underneath him.

"Oh, my God, Brian!" I yanked him out from the water.

He wasn't responding.

"BRIAN!!" 

He simply started laughing. 

"You jerk!" I reached into the water and grabbed him playfully by the balls.

"Aw, I'm sorry, babe," he said. "Did you think I was really hurt?"

"You are really hurt, you idiot, you're bleeding."

"Am I? It hurt when I hit my head, but I didn't think it was anything serious."

"Come on, let's get this fixed." 

We both got out of the water dripping wet. We didn't even bother to dry off. I got some Bactine and a warm cloth. I told Brian to lie face down on the bed. 

"But I'm still wet," he protested.

"You get on that bed, or being wet will be the least of your troubles." 

I straddled his back and moved his hair out of the way. Luckily, he didn't hit himself too hard. He hadn't done anything more than take some skin off the back of his head. I cleaned it first with the water, and then I applied the Bactine. He only winced a little. I didn't have anything to cover it with, but it would probably heal quickly since it wasn't that serious, just a scratch. 

"All done," I said, rolling off him.

He rolled over, too, and climbed on top of me. 

"Brian," I said as he smothered me in kisses.

"What?" he whined. "I was having a good time."

"We're getting the bed wet," I laughed. 

Brian growled and lightly bit down on one of my nipples. I sucked in a breath of air and put my hands on his back, encouraging him to do more. His hands ran down the sides of my torso and over my hips. I shivered at his touch; it was so warm and loving. Again, I felt butterflies in my stomach when he touched me. 

It was only 7 o'clock, but both of us were exhausted. Brian moved back up to kiss my lips, but our kisses grew less and less passionate. Soon we were cuddling, our arms wrapped up in each other, and we fell asleep face to face.

My eyes slowly blinked and fluttered open and all I could see was the wild blue yonder. Where was I? Oh. I was looking into Brian's eyes. 

"Were you watching me sleep?" I mumbled.

"Mmm hmm." He moved forward a little and kissed me lightly. Then he moved his hand up and stroked my right cheek with two of his fingers. I moved my hand from his hip and pressed it against his fingers, holding them to my face.

"I love you," I said. 

"You better," was his response. We kissed again, and I sighed deeply out of pure joy. Sometimes when I was a little kid, I wished that I could stop time and stay where I was forever. Moments like the first time you ride your bike, or the warm feeling of your bed on a rainy night, and the few moments of peace that you feel before you fall asleep. I wanted to freeze everything at that moment. I never wanted to leave Brian, I never wanted us to be apart. I felt like a better person, a more complete person, because I had him with me. My soul was blended and mixed into his, and on some levels I didn't exist as an individual anymore; I could only exist with him with me. I wasn't emotional without him, I wasn't capable of feeling love without him, to a certain degree, I wasn't alive without him. I needed him next to me as much as I needed air to breathe. What do you do when you realize that your life is only a part of the greater and more important concept of "our life," that there is no concept of your own self without someone else? And then I knew exactly what to do. I had to tell Brian. I had to marry Brian.

I broke the kiss and stared into his eyes. 

"Brian, I—"

He put his finger on my lips to silence me. "I know," he said, "I feel the same way, you don't have to tell me." I kissed his finger. "Don't ask me now though," he continued. "The timing is all wrong. You'll know when the right time is, and when you do ask, I promise I'll say yes." 

Brian moved his finger and kissed me. I slowly opened my eyes and blinked a few times to check that I wasn't dreaming. "How did you know what I was going to say?" I asked.

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course I do. More than anyone, more than myself."

"Then trust me when I say that I was thinking the exact same thing. The only difference is that I feel like there will be a better time to say it."

I tugged on his neck and brought his face to mine, meeting him in a kiss that could have powered the entire city of Las Vegas. I didn't stop kissing him. I didn't ever want to stop kissing him. I gathered Brian in my arms and pulled his whole body closer to mine. We were touching all over: my chest pressed to his, his leg draped over my hip, our foreheads resting together. We stayed in that position. I began humming our song. Brian titled his head and kissed me, but I kept humming. His hands explored my body, lovingly trying to hold onto all of me at once. I think my body simply decided that it was going to explode at that moment. I tried to keep humming, but it turned into a pleasurable moan, I started writhing, and a flash of warmth flowed through my veins. Brian held me through it all. Everywhere I needed to be touched, his hands were there at the exact moment I wanted him. Every time I felt like being kissed, his lips were all over mine. Before I even realized what was happening, it was all over. Brian was rocking me in his arms.

"Wow," I said.

"Wow," he whispered back.

"I don't know what on Earth that was."

"Who cares? All I know is that it was incredible."

I mumbled something along the lines of 'I love you' or some other nonsensical muttering of devotion. Brian rolled around and checked the clock on my nightstand. It was past 10 o'clock. He had class the next day, so he decided to go straight to bed. I got out of bed and turned on the alarm. That's when I remembered to tell Brian the code.

I knew he wasn't sleeping yet, but I tried to shake him awake anyway. 

"Bri?"

"Yea?" he said.

"I wanted to tell you the new alarm code. Now you can start letting yourself out in the morning without me getting up to turn it off."

"Ok, what is it?"

"It's 062003, the—"

"The day I met you," he said, smiling. "At least I'll never forget that code. 'Night, babe." 

"Goodnight," I said. 

I went back into the kitchen and ate a few chips. For someone who didn't work and spent the days anxiously awaiting and at the same time dreading medical school, the night was young. Since we had taken that nap, I was feeling refreshed. It had been a while since I had called Maria, so I picked up the phone and did just that.

Mark picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey, Mark, it's Evan. How are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm great. The better question is how are you? It's been a rough week for you."

"You would think that I would be feeling a lot worse. I truly feel absolutely wonderful." 

Mark chuckled. "No doubt in large part to a tall, dark, and handsome man."

"That could be it," I said coyly. 

"You probably want to talk to Maria. Hold on, let me get her."

About thirty seconds later, she picked up. "Hello?"

"Hey, sis, how are you doing?"

"I'm good. Mark and I were able to get a babysitter, so we're going out to enjoy dinner. What are you up to?"

"Nothing. I hadn't talked to you in a while. I was going to tell you about some things going on here, but if you're going to dinner, I can talk to you later."

"No, it's ok. We're waiting on the babysitter anyway."

I told her all about Noah, and she vowed to torture the little bastard. She agreed with me that Jane couldn't have been part of Laura's scheme, which was reassuring. She did say, however, that I should try to talk to Jane about it. I was still worried about the day when that confrontation would come. Maria was having a great time. Despite her talk about being a career and family woman, it was obvious that she loved being a full-time mother. She talked about watching each one of her kids growing up too quickly right before her eyes. I secretly wished that Brian and I could have kids of our own one day, whether they were adopted or not. That got me thinking of the sacrifice that I had to make because I was born gay. Chances were that I was not going to have a child, and I hated that. But I would much rather be in love and childless than bring a child into a loveless heterosexual marriage. I loved Brian, and that was enough for me. Twenty minutes later, Maria had to go; the babysitter had arrived. I hung up the phone smiling. The sound of footsteps behind me caused me to spin around with apprehension. It was only Brian. "I haven't slept in the same bed as you since Tuesday," he said in his naked glory as he padded into the living room. "Between Laura, the hospital, you sleeping in the other bedroom, and our fight, we've slept apart every night since. Do you know how horribly I've been sleeping?" 

"Actually, I was thinking about sleeping in the extra bedroom again." 

"You're still not comfortable in your room?"

"No, I've slept in the other bedroom for the past few nights. I thought about sleeping in there, but it was even worse without you."

"Please, can I sleep with you tonight? I don't want to be apart from you any more."

I walked over to him and kissed him deeply. "You don't have to ask me that, Bri."

"We can stay in the other room," he offered. 

I took his hand and led him to the other bedroom. I hadn't bothered making up the bed, so we both got in and pulled the covers over us. He moved his back into my chest, and I draped my arm over his hip. I softly stroked his penis and kissed his neck. "Goodnight, Bri," I whispered. He was already asleep. 

I woke up the next morning to a loud knocking on the door. Thinking that it would be the locksmiths, I quickly ran to the bedroom and pulled on a pair of running shorts. I shouted, "I'm coming!" as I ran down the hall. When I opened the door, Brian was grinning from ear to ear.

"You didn't have to get all dressed up just for me, babe." 

I snorted. "I thought you were the locksmith. If I had known it was you, I probably wouldn't have opened the door."

"Gee, thanks," he said, slipping his arms around my waist. I put my arms around his neck. I was about to kiss him, but I remembered that I hadn't brushed my teeth.

"What's wrong?" Brian asked.

I used one hand to cover my mouth. "Morning breath."

"So what?" He moved my hand away and gave me a full-blown kiss, tongue, hands, groans, everything. He released me with a loud smack and licked his lips. "Tastes great to me."

"You're a freak," I said.

"You still love me?" 

"Yup."

"Then I don't care if I'm a freak or not." He kissed me again. 

"Wait a second," I said, "why are you here? What happened to your class?"

"Well, I got downstairs, showered, changed clothes, and fortunately, I decided to check my e-mail. The lecture was canceled. So I came back up here. I only left you about half an hour ago."

"Great. Can you do me a favor, then?"

"Anything, babe."

"Could you wait for the locksmith while I go shower? They said they would be here this morning between 9-10."

"I can do that," he said. 

"Great. I won't be long." I went into my bathroom and started the shower. I stepped in and started soaping myself up, taking my time to enjoy the steaming hot water. The shower door opened and Brian stepped in behind me. 

"The locksmith got here almost as soon as you left. I thought I would join you."

"You said you already showered."

"Two won't kill me," he said. He took the washcloth from me and continued the job that I had already started. Once he had finished washing my front, he turned me around and washed my back. He spun me around and rinsed me off. I turned around again and wiggled my butt at him, reminding him that there was still more of me to wash. Brian knelt on the floor behind me. What I expected was the washcloth on my butt cheeks, what I got was Brian gently biting and licking them instead. I moaned at the sensation and leaned forward against the shower wall. He spread my cheeks and started licking my hole. I almost lost it as I pushed myself hard against the wall. I don't know how or when it happened, but somewhere along the way, I had grown to really enjoy being the bottom. I didn't think that I would ever get into that having only had sex with women before. Even Brian was surprised. He joked about expecting to see nothing but the ceiling when it came to our sex life. These thoughts that were going through my head disappeared when he pushed his finger inside of me. One finger turned into two fingers and those turned into three and finally four fingers deep inside my hot hole. 

"Brian," I gasped, "please, give it to me now."

He rose to his feet behind me and soaped up his cock. I turned around and faced him.

"I want to do it like this," I said. I clasped my hands around the back of his neck. Taking the hint, Brian put his hands on my butt and lifted me up. My legs wrapped around his waist, and I looked into Brian's eyes. He moved us forward to that I was against the wall, so that he could gain balance and leverage. His eyes never left mine as he pushed himself into me. My mouth was hanging wide open as he continued thrusting in and out of me. It was too hot for both of us: the water, the sweat, Brian, me, all of it was hot. Before either of us knew it, we were both cumming loudly, and the water washed away the evidence of what had happened. 




Heaven On Earth Ch. 08



I lowered my legs to the floor, keeping my arms around Brian. I held him closely and kissed him passionately under the hot spray. He reached around me and turned off the water. We stepped out and dried off. I threw on some clothes and went to check on the locksmith. He was done with the front door and had started on the balcony door. After talking to him about the cost, I started making a pot of coffee. Brian came into the kitchen and started scrambling some eggs and his specialty, burnt toast. I never understood why he purposely burned his toast, but everyone has one of those things, I suppose. From where the locksmith was working outside on the balcony, he could see perfectly into the kitchen, but Brian and I stole a few kisses when we were sure he wasn't looking. 

We sat down to breakfast, talking about movies that we hadn't seen yet. I was still reluctant to go to a movie in New York because the prices were so high. Brian had been there for so long that he was used to it. He finally talked me into going to a movie of my choice later that week. The locksmith came back in as we were clearing the dishes off the table. The job was all done. He smiled and handed me two new keys. I gave him the check, and he went on his way. When he had left, I turned to Brian and gave him one of the keys. 

"We've got to work on getting your stuff up here," I said.

"I've got to work on my lease."

"If you have any problems, Uncle James can help out with that. He knows the owner of the building. That's how he got my apartment." 

"I'll keep that in mind." He stared intently at his key, turning it around several times with his fingers.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I was thinking," a sneaky smile spread across his face. "This is like a milestone. We have new keys to the apartment, shouldn't we do something to celebrate?"

"Perv," I said jokingly as I grabbed his hand and led him to the guest bedroom. 

To be continued...



Heaven On Earth Ch. 09



Chapter 9: Those Eyes

It was wonderful to be able to stay in bed and relax. Brian and I cuddled in the afterglow of great sex. I took one of his hands in mine and brought it to my mouth, kissing each individual finger. We shifted position, and Brian pushed himself into me, resting his head against my bare chest. I breathed in the smell of his hair. We both sank into the pillows. For a while, I thought he had gone to sleep, but then I felt him caressing my side. I sighed at his touch. Nothing else on Earth was like this. All good things must come to an end.

"Evan, I want you to see a psychiatrist."

"What?"

"This whole thing with Laura has been really hard on you. You need to talk to someone about it."

"Brian, I'm fine. I'm over it." I pushed him away from me and sat up.

He adjusted himself so that his head was propped up on his hand. "Then why are we in the guest bedroom instead of your room?"

"I'm just a little uncomfortable being in there right now. It only happened last week, you know."

"And why do you tense up every time you come around the corner from your room and into the hall? Isn't that where Laura nailed you?"

"Brian, what's your point?"

"My point is that you can't live like this."

"It's my nerves, that's all. Can we drop it?" I moved back down the bed, hoping that I could submerge myself in the mattress. 

Suddenly, Brian whipped himself up and was on top of me. "So how do you feel about this, Evan?"

"Cut it out, Brian," I said. 

"You're strong, babe, but what's it like when you can't move?" He tightened his legs around my torso so that I was pinned but couldn't throw him off with my legs. He grabbed my arms and pulled them above my head. I tried to break free, but he was holding me very firmly. 

"Brian, stop it." My voice was weak. 

"And if I leaned down and took advantage of you like this?" Still holding my arms, he moved forward and ran his tongue across my lips. I struggled fiercely, but Brian was incredibly strong. There was no way I could get the right leverage to throw him off me. The intensity in his eyes was nothing short of frightening. I cried out in anguish and gave up.

"Brian, please don't hurt me," I said softly.

And with that, he let me go. He sat next to me and stared at me with those eyes. It took me a few minutes to recover. My breathing was hard and I was starting to cry, but I managed to speak with some clarity. 

"Why did you do that?"

"You needed to see how you would react. This is why I want you to talk to somebody. You're not even comfortable with me. You don't trust me not to hurt you."

"Brian, that was just cruel."

"Evan, maybe it was a bit much, but these feelings aren't going to go away if you internalize them."

"They're also not going to go away if you try to traumatize me all over again." 

I didn't really understand why he was acting like this. As much as I loved him, Brian's strange mood shifts were perplexing. I suppose it was part of him being more of an introvert than I was, as though I missed large portions of his thought process, but I didn't see the reason why he would switch from being so loving to being so harsh. He stood up from the bed and put on his underwear. "I'm just giving you something to think about, babe." How could he call me "babe" at that moment? He walked out of the room with the rest of his clothes, leaving me on the bed, still in shock. 

I laid there, staring at the ceiling for quite some time. Brian had been right to a certain degree. He had scared the hell out of me, but did I really have any reason to be afraid like I was? Giving up on feeling sorry for myself, I put on my clothes and headed for the front door. Brian was indulging himself in a pint of ice cream that he had stored in my freezer. I didn't say anything as I passed him in the kitchen until he said,

"Where are you going?"

"For a walk," I said shortly.

I opened the front door and slammed it on my way out. I started walking without much direction or care as to where I would end up. It felt rather silly to be going through these highs and lows in a relationship within the time span of a few hours. It was a beautiful summer afternoon in New York City. I sincerely regret not taking advantage of days like this more often. Eventually, I wandered into Washington Square Park. Since it was midday, not much was going on. A few people played with their dogs, others ate lunch, and the people that were obviously tourists snapped an endless number of pictures and pointed at the tall buildings. I bought a hot dog from a vendor and settled down on a bench near the arch. What was it going to take to get rid of my fear and frustration? Moving out of my apartment would give me a new environment, a fresh start, but I certainly didn't want to leave it, not to mention the difficulty of switching apartments with the limited help Uncle James could give me. Maybe Brian was right, maybe therapy was the best solution. 

"What'd he do this time?" came a rich, southern voice from behind me.

I didn't have to turn around to answer. "How'd you guess?"

Erica came around to the front of the bench and sat down next to me. "You're sitting out here alone looking very melancholy. It could only be one thing."

"Why are you out here?"

"I come out here to think and find inspiration. Call me crazy, but I do my best thinking with crowds of people and noise. Drownin' the sound out lets me focus and concentrate. But don't change the subject. What's goin' on?"

"It's nothing," I said, taking another bite of my hot dog. "Brian decided to practice a little psychology on me."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning he pinned me to the bed and pretended to take advantage of me. He was trying to convince me that I should go to a psychiatrist."

"To confront all these feelings you have about what happened?"

"Yea."

"Well, that's nicer than what I would have said. I would have told you to go and face Laura."

"What?" I swear, the entire world had gone mad.

"This is something that has obviously hurt you, probably deeper than you realize. And you need to do whatever it takes to get it out of your system. I'm betting that you haven't even talked to Jane since last week."

My silence admitted the truth for me. Erica put her hand on my knee. "Hun, it's a heavy and unnecessary burden to carry this around with you everywhere you go. What's worse is that whatever you're going through is passed on to Brian. And I know for a fact that he would do anything he could to take the pain away, but it's not something he can do on his own."

"It's not something that I can get through on my own, either."

"Which is why you have each other. I know his behavior must have seemed shocking, but Brian has nothing but the best intentions for you at heart."

I thoughtfully crammed a bite of hot dog into my mouth. I understood perfectly why Brian felt the need to do it, but I still couldn't believe that he purposely made me that uncomfortable. 

"Maybe you should go back and talk to him about this instead of sitting out here."

My only response was to take another bite. Erica, wise soul that she was, sensed that I wasn't going to say anything else. She kissed my cheek and walked over to another bench that was farther away. 

I tossed the last small pieces of hot dog bun for the pigeons and squirrels to pick up. They attacked and pecked away at them like there was no tomorrow. The wind shifted and my nose was greeted by one of my favorite smells.

"Don't you think it's unwise to follow someone that has angrily stormed out on you?" I asked.

"Only if I don't care about him," came the reply. 

Brian moved around to the front of the bench and sat so that there was about a foot between us. I didn't look at him; I continued to stare out into the park. I knew that one look into his eyes would erase all of my anger, and I wanted to be angry with him because I felt like I had a reason to be. 

"Evan, I'm not sorry for what I did," he said. 

"Good, because I'm not sorry for walking out on you."

In a simple gesture of his affection, Brian moved closer to me, looped his arm through mine and laced our fingers together. He brought our hands to his mouth and kissed my fingers. 

"I love you," he softly whispered.

Without hesitation, I answered back, "I love you, too." "Let's go back to your apartment so we can talk about this."

I rose from the bench with him and gathered my strength to look at him for the first time. "I'm still mad at you, you know?"

He nodded his head.

"And it's our apartment now." He gave me a slight smile.

Our hands were still locked together and he gave me a gentle squeeze. Neither of us said anything until we were back in the apartment. I disarmed the alarm while he sat down on one of the couches. He motioned for me to sit next to him, but he wasn't getting off that easily. I sat down on an opposite chair, crossed my arms and legs, and waited for him to speak. Sure, it was childish anger, but it effectively got across the way I felt.

He took a deep breath before beginning to speak. "Evan, I don't want this whole ordeal to be more painful than it has to be. You need to find peace of mind, and I don't think there's anything that I can do for you."

"I'll be ok in time, Bri. I really don't think there's a need for me to talk to anyone, especially given the fact that I am not comfortable with psychiatrists."

"I know you think you're fine, babe, but—"

"Brian, I spent half of my childhood bouncing around from shrink to shrink talking out problems with my mother and my sister. Not one of them actually gave a damn about us, much less helped us to resolve any of our problems."

"That doesn't mean that you won't have better luck this time. A good family friend of ours practices here in the city. I grew up with her younger brother."

"I'm going to be starting school next month. I'm not going to have time for any of that."

"You can't keep living like this, Evan."

"The hell I can't! There's nothing wrong with me!"

Brian didn't say anything; he only looked at me with those deep, blue eyes. "Brian, that isn't going to work," I protested. Nothing. "No, it's not doing anything." Damn him. 

Brian stood up from the couch and came over to my chair. He placed his hands on my knees in the same way that I had put mine on his when I asked him to date me. "Evan, please."

"Brian, please don't ask me this."

"Evan, please."

My voice lowered. "Brian..."

"Please."

I bent down and kissed his head through his dark, thick hair. "I can't, Bri."

"Yes, you can."

"No, not even for you."

His head dropped to rest on my legs. "At least let me give you her number and you can think about for a little while. I can't bear to see you go on like this."

"Ok," I conceded. "But don't ask me again."

My distaste for psychiatrists went much deeper than I could explain in words. Brian couldn't understand what therapy had done to me as a kid. It was session after session of listening to my mother lie about our lives, our family situation. God only knows what she said when she went in there alone with the doctor. She always told Maria and me not to contradict anything that we said. We were supposed to go along with her lies. I do remember that she was always able to come up with some excuse for not being able to pay, and somehow, she got away with it. My mother was an amazing woman. Certainly amazing. 

I gathered Brian into my arms and pulled us both into a standing position. He held me tightly to his body and rested his head and my shoulder. I could tell that he was tired of arguing with me, but there was no way I could give in. I'm a Leo; we can be very stubborn like that. 

I'm not exactly sure how long we stood there holding each other, but the phone snapped us both back to reality. I picked it up and answered, "Hello?"

No response.

"Hello?" I repeated.

I hung up. Brian raised an eyebrow and looked at me. "Who was it?" he asked.

"I don't know; no one said anything."

He made a thoughtful grunt. "Well, let's get lunch. I'm starved."

"No thanks, I already ate. I think I'm going to take a nap," I said. His eyes searched mine for a more detailed answer, but I merely stared back at him for a moment before turning and walking into my bedroom and shutting the door. There was nothing wrong with me. I could sleep in my own bed if I had to. I was only a little bothered by being in the same place that I was raped. I curled up on top of the blankets and pressed my head into the pillow that was beginning to smell like Brian. I tried to focus on anything but the incident with Laura from the past Wednesday. I heard Brian shut the front door. I listened to the raspy sound of my breath against the pillow. I thought about how much my life had changed in the short time of a month. It all happened so quickly, but I was so happy that I stopped noticing how overwhelming it was. I never thought I could fall in love so easily. I never thought that someone could love me so much. Eventually, I fell into an uneasy sleep.

Ask me to define the word, "nightmare," and I'll describe the dream I had that afternoon. Brian and I were back in the bathtub like we were the previous week. I had told him how much he meant to me and began to snuggle myself into his chest as he held me from behind. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the water and his body. Without warning, Brian's arms relaxed around me and his head slumped onto my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see his blood pouring over my body. I opened my mouth to scream, but Laura's hand covered it as she grabbed my hair and pushed my head underwater. 

I woke up with Brian gently shaking my shoulder and whispering my name. My eyes, wide with terror, focused on him and all I could see was the fear and concern that dominated his face. I had to grab his face with both hands to prove to myself that he was actually there. 

"Baby, it's me. I'm here," he said. A deep cry of relief escaped my lips. "It's alright," he said. "It was only a dream."

I still couldn't respond; my mouth was dry with fear. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, but I shook my head. He kissed my forehead and I buried my head in his chest. I breathed deeply as he lovingly stroked my hair. I stayed there for at least ten minutes, allowing his presence to calm me. I pulled away and lightly brushed my lips against his. 

"Brian, don't leave me," I whispered.

"Come on," he said, standing up with me. We walked into the kitchen where he grabbed a glass of water and handed it to me. He also pulled a plastic carton out of the refrigerator and gave it to me.

"Caramel cheesecake. Your favorite," he said. 

"Thanks," I said. I picked at the cheesecake for a little while before eating it. Brian was washing dishes in the sink on the other side of the bar as he watched me eat. "Sometimes I don't know why you put up with me," I said.

"You already know the answer to that," he replied softly. "Eat your cheesecake."

"Do you want any?"

"No, I already had a piece. There's another piece for you in the fridge if you want one later." 

I went back to eating for a moment before I said, "Do you have to go to your apartment and finish any work?"

"No, there's nothing pressing me to have it all done for tomorrow. Why? Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"You know I'm not." I finished a couple more bites and decided to put the rest away. I checked the clock on the microwave and saw that it was almost 6 o'clock. I had been asleep for nearly four hours, but it felt like I hadn't slept at all. I moved next to Brian and began helping him wash and dry. "I should really get this dishwasher repaired, shouldn't I?"

"I never minded doing the dishes when I was younger," he said. "It was easier than all the other chores." He chuckled for a moment before continuing. "I used to flick water at our dog and laugh while he blinked and crinkled his nose."

"Like this?" I asked, splashing a large amount of water onto Brian's face. I cracked up as he wiped the water from his eyes. 

"No," he said, "it was a little more like this." He plunged his hand into the soapy water and drenched my thin t-shirt.

"No fair!" I protested. "You used soap. That could have gotten in my eyes."

"I resent that! I have very good aim."

"Oh, right, because there's a science to plunging one's fist into water," I laughed. 

"Of course there is," he said smiling brightly.

I rolled my eyes at him and went back to work. In a moment of mischief, I grabbed the extendable spray head and hosed him down. He was absolutely soaked from head to toe.

"Now who's not playing fair?"

"Me," I said innocently. 

He intensely fixed those blue eyes on me. "Evan, put down the hose."

"N-no," I stammered, jokingly afraid of what he might do.

"Put down the hose," he repeated, taking a step towards me.

I pointed it at him again, but he shook his head and laughed. "I can't get any more wet than I already am." Realizing that he was right, I dropped the hose and ran out of the kitchen, sprinting for the second bathroom. Brian was right behind me, and he burst into the bathroom before I got a chance to lock him out. He grabbed me and planted a hot kiss on my lips. If I hadn't accepted the fact that I was gay before, I would have in that moment because that man made me melt. He actually kissed me so forcefully that I fell back onto the closed toilet with Brian on top of me, straddling my legs. 

He pulled away from me with a huge grin on his face. "I win," he said.

"If that's what I get for losing, I don't want to think of what you get for winning."

"I'm sure you could think of something," he said, licking his lips. "I'll collect my prize later. Right now, I've got to change clothes."

In hindsight, it's incredible how Brian knew exactly how to get my mind off things. I still say that he's better than anything therapy could offer me, but I know now that it was a heavy burden for me to put on him. 

He walked into the extra bedroom, and I followed him with a questioning look on my face. "Brian, what are you doing? You don't have any clothes in here."

He began taking off his clothes, revealing his tanned body. "I know," he said, tossing his pants at me. I pulled my shirt over my head as he climbed onto the bed and spread his legs.

"I decided what I want for my prize," he said. 

***

Brian sighed and moaned as I sucked on his neck later that evening. My hands roamed the rest of his body, caressing all the spots where I knew I could get the biggest reaction out of him. I pulled back from him and admired his entire body. He was absolutely gorgeous. I did snicker at the contrast in skin color between the rest of his body and his upper thighs.

"The laughing is doing wonders for my self-esteem, babe."

"I'm sorry," I said, "I find it funny how someone who is as pale as you can tan so well."

He followed my gaze to his legs. A smile formed on his face when he, too, saw the drastic difference between his normal complexion and his summer tan. "Well, not all of us can have a naturally beautiful skin tone like you," he snorted. I laughed and resumed kissing his neck.

"Maybe it's the Anglo-Italian blood that saves me," he muttered. "The pasty, white British mixed with the olive skinned people of—" I moved lower and closed my lips around one of his nipples, which cut off his talking. 

I kissed back up his chest to his chin and nibbled on that for a while before I slowly kissed his lips. We were pressed so closely together that I felt the vibrations in his chest and stomach as he growled. When I broke the kiss, we were both staring into each other's eyes. 

"How do you ever expect me to stay mad at you when I love you so much?" I asked.

"I guess I'll have to try harder to be less endearing." 

I smiled and kissed the tip of his nose. I rolled off him and pressed my back against his chest. He kissed the back of my neck, sending chills up and down my body. Brian wrapped one of his arms around my torso and pulled me in close. Before long, I could feel the rhythmic breathing as he slept. 




Heaven On Earth Ch. 09



Only a few minutes later, I heard a loud clicking at the front door. Quickly, I yanked on the wet pants from the floor and entered the living room. The clicking noise persisted. I tiptoed to the door and realized that the sounds were coming from the outside and the handle was jiggling. I looked out the peephole and into the hall. The head was down, looking at the keyhole and fumbling with the lock, but the beautiful auburn hair was unmistakable. Jane. 

For a fraction of a second, I considered opening the door, but Erica's warning about Jane clicked in my head. Why on Earth was Jane trying to get into the apartment without knocking? All of her stuff had been cleared out, and she hadn't called me to tell me that she was coming. In fact, there was no reason for her to come at all. The handle continued to jiggle as she tried her key, unaware of the changed locks. As I started to go grab the phone, she gave up and left. I thought about calling the police anyway, but I reasoned that it wouldn't have done anything considering she did have a key to the apartment. More importantly, the police had the key that Laura had used to get in as evidence, but Jane had another key. Whatever it was about, it certainly made me more suspicious of Jane.

I walked back into the bedroom where Brian was still sleeping. I had never realized how empty I felt before I met him. He was rolled over on his stomach, and I took a seat next to him. I ran my hands up and down his smooth back, stopping at the crack of his ass and moving back up to his shoulder blades. Thinking about Jane gave me a twinge of fear that I was going to lose him. I would have given up anything to keep him with me. I bent down and kissed his shoulder. I knew that I could be childish, selfish, and spoiled; I was young despite what I wanted to think. But somehow I had done something to deserve a lover like him. We had a quick and strong connection, based on the mutual understanding that we both needed stability and love in our lives. Some people tried for years to have what we had in a month. How lucky could I possibly be?

I let the tears roll down my face. Brian stirred beneath my fingertips. The way he blinked and opened his eyes made me want to start kissing him all over again. He rolled over and smiled warmly at me.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi, yourself. What's wrong, babe? Why are you crying?"

"I was just thinking about us and how lucky I am to have you."

"Come here," he said as he pulled me in for a long kiss. It wasn't rough or rushed; he kissed me with meaning, with the same kind of longing that I had for him. "I feel the same way," he said. "How long was I asleep?"

"Not long. You only dozed off for about fifteen minutes. Actually, we had a visitor while you were sleeping."

"Who?"

"Jane."

He immediately sat straight up. "Is she still here?" 

"No, she never came in. She was trying to get into the apartment with her old key."

Brian cocked one eyebrow at me. "Well, that's more than a little odd. I wonder why she would try to come in uninvited."

"I have no idea, but we should be on our guard. I'm beginning to think that Erica was right in saying that Jane had some part in Laura's attack."

Brian thought about this for a moment. "Well, there's nothing we can do or really say about it right now. In the meantime, we should have dinner."

"Are you always hungry?" I joked.

"No, but I'd say we had a pretty intense workout that gave me an appetite. How about we go down to my apartment and I can make dinner for us?"

"Sounds good to me."

Rather than let him go downstairs in his still wet clothes. I took him to my room and tossed him a couple of things to put on. I know we weren't going far, but it would be pretty uncomfortable to walk around in his clothes. Of course, I wouldn't have minded if he walked around naked, but something told me that there would be a slight problem with that. Brian was virtually the same height as me, only a little taller and a little more muscular, so I deliberately tossed him some of my smaller clothes. He put them on and gave me an unamused smirk when he realized how tight they were. 

"I think you look great," I said.

"You would."

I chuckled to myself as I put on some drier clothes. He snuck up behind me as I was fishing through the drawers and started tickling me. I regretted the day he found out that I was ticklish, but there wasn't much I could do to stop him anyway. I fell into his attack and collapsed in a fit of laughter in his arms.

"Absolutely evil, that's what you are," I gasped out. 

He cackled as we headed downstairs with him walking in front of me so that I could keep my eyes on him. Once in the apartment and in the kitchen, I started pulling out food, insisting that I help with dinner. Brian gave me a fearful look, but he decided to let me do it anyway. He pulled out some noodles and sauce for making lasagna. My job was to make sure the meat didn't burn and Brian would take care of the seasoning. He steamed some vegetables while I unceremoniously dumped some rolls into a pan and popped them in the oven. As "we" were finishing up the preparation, Brian said that he was going to his room to change into some "real clothes."

"But, Bri, your ass looks so hot in those pants."

He shot me a glare as he walked towards the bedroom. He was nearly bursting out of the jeans I gave him. He returned a few minutes later with a black book and was flipping through the pages. 

"Thinking about throwing me away for some old flings?" I asked.

"No, it's my address book. I was going to give you the name of the therapist my family knows. Here she is. Kennedy Blaine." He scribbled down her name and number on one of the back pages of the book and ripped it out.

I took it from him without any discussion if only to avoid another argument like the one we had earlier. We sat down to a wonderful dinner, and the best part was that I only burned the bottoms of the rolls. Conversation with Brian was so easy that we could sit down and talk for hours. Neither of us realized that two hours had passed since we sat down when there was a knock on the door. 

Brian got up to answer the door. I began to clear the table of the dishes. It was so late that it didn't take a psychic to know who it was. Erica walked into the apartment and gave it a once over.

"Is there a reason why you haven't packed up your stuff?" she asked Brian with her hands held firmly on her hips.

"We're getting to it," he replied, falsely hurt by her scolding.

"I'm sure you are," she rolled her eyes. 

I sat back in the kitchen laughing at them both. The interaction between Brian and Erica was quite amusing. They fought as though they had grown up together. It made me think of the way Jane and I used to be. I truly missed the amount of time that we used to spend together. It's not easy losing your best friend, and even though having Brian meant a lot to me, it didn't feel right to replace Jane's role in my life. 

I must have been very lost in thought because I almost dropped the plate I was holding when Erica came up next to me and kissed my cheek. She didn't seem to notice that I was startled. 

"How are ya, hun? You look a little tired."

"I'm fine," I replied. 

"Well, why don't you sit on the couch for a bit, and I'll finish up here, babe," Brian said. 

I didn't really understand the sudden concern from the two of them. It was a little late, but I felt fine. Not wanting to protest, I plopped down on the sofa and turned on the TV. Brian and Erica began talking about something in the kitchen, but as long as I didn't try to listen to them, I couldn't hear them over the sounds of Comedy Central. 

Ten minutes later, they came and sat down on either side of me on the couch. Brian got up a few seconds later and went to the bathroom.

"Do you mind if we watch somethin' else, Evan? I watched Comedy Central while I was sick, so I'm a little tired of it," said Erica.

I started feeling around the couch for the remote. I reached between the cushions and felt something hard and pulled it out. It wasn't the remote. It was a video tape labeled, "For Evan."

Erica started gushing over how sweet it was for Brian to make a tape for me. I smiled to myself, basking in the warmth of new love. "I love you, too, Bri! Thanks!" I called.

"For what?" came the reply. 

"Not to ruin your moment, sugah, but I wanna watch it! Put it on!"

I laughed at Erica's zeal as I pushed the tape into the VCR. There were a few moments of blue tape before we saw what was very obviously a homemade film. Brian was sitting on the bed in his room as the camera shot him straight on. The sound quality was not very good, so it was difficult to identify the whine of the camera man's voice.

"So why are you making this video?"

"Because I've found the man that I want to spend my life with. I love him more than anything else," Brian said.

"And does he know you love him?"

"I know he does. I tell him I think about him all the time and that no one else is ever going to be as good for me as he is."

"And does he love you?"

"I sure hope so."

Brian came back out of the bathroom. 

"What are you watching?" he asked.

Erica quickly shushed him, waving wildly at him. She loved the mushy stuff. Brian made an audible gasp as he looked at the video. He was almost to the VCR when a naked Noah stepped out from behind the camera.

"You're damn right I love you." He pushed Brian back on the bed and started kissing him right as Brian was able to eject the tape. 

We all stayed silent for a moment. Brian looked down at the tape, Erica closed her eyes, and I stared at Brian. Brian was the first one to speak.

"Erica, would you mind leaving for a bit?"

"Excuse me? After that horrible display, you expect me to—"

"Erica, go!" he said, with an unfamiliar harshness. I had never heard him speak to her like that.

She stood up and left the apartment without so much as another word or even a look back at us. Brian looked at me next.

"Where did you get this?" he almost whispered.

I was holding back tears. "It was in the couch. It said it was for me, so I thought you left it there for me."

He set the tape on top of the VCR and crossed the room to sit next to me. He reached over and tilted my chin so that I directly faced him. "I thought I meant those words when I said them to him, but there was always some doubt in my mind. I don't have any doubts with you, please believe that."

"I do, Bri. I'm not mad, but it stings a bit, you know?"

He pulled me close to him and kissed my scarred cheek before he gently began to rock me in his arms. "I don't know how on Earth that tape got here."

"I think I can make a pretty good guess, Bri."

"But how? Noah hasn't been inside my apartment except for the one time when you were here. All the other times I've met him at the door or the place where we were going." 

I winced at the words, "all the other times," but managed to keep a straight face. "No one else has a way to get into your apartment, right?" 

"No, no one. Noah never lived with me, and I still have Chris' key."

"Or do you?"

"What are you getting at, Evan?"

"He's obsessed with you Brian. Maybe he took Chris' key and made a copy so that he would have a way into your apartment."

"That seems a little extreme for him to do that without him telling me."

"If my ex-girlfriend's sister can be a raving psycho-rapist, then your ex-boyfriend that left a sex tape of you and him for me to see can copy a key."

"I'd rather not think about it too hard." 

Perhaps at one point in my life, I would have argued to continue talking and do something about Noah, but having Brian around took the fight out of me. He snuggled up next to me and lay there for a few minutes.

"Maybe if there's someone getting into my apartment, we should go back upstairs."

"Maybe if there's someone trying to get in, we should stay here and scare whomever it is."

"We don't know who or what's going on. It could be dangerous."

"Alright," I said, "but check one thing before we leave."

"What's that?"

"Grab your extra key."

He stood up and went into the kitchen. I listened to him pull out a couple of drawers before he came back to the couch.

"It's gone," he said. 

"Are you sure you didn't put it somewhere else?" I asked.

"No, I've never had to use it," a dark look came over his face.

"Come on," I said. We walked out of the apartment and he locked the door, not that either of us felt any more secure with it locked.

Once we were back in our apartment, Brian hugged me tightly. After a little while, I pulled away and kissed his cheek.

"I'm so sorry you had to see that," he said.

"It's really okay. But I have to ask you..."

"What else is on the tape?"

I silently nodded. He seemed to look straight through me, staring at me at me for a minute or so before he exhaled deeply. "Let's get ready for bed, babe," he said quietly. 

He disappeared into the bedroom while I locked the door and turned on the alarm system. I could hear the shower running as I walked into the bathroom. Brian's clothes were in a small pile outside of the door, and I followed suit and stepped in with him. There was nothing overly sexual about the shower; it was simply our loving caresses and strokes. Brian kept hugging me a lot, burying his head in the space between my neck and my shoulder. I had a feeling that there was something more on that tape other than ordinary sex between Brian and Noah. 

***

The two of us laid in the second bedroom. Brian had fallen asleep with his head on my chest. I had my left arm lightly draped around him, but despite how relaxing it was, I couldn't sleep. Brian was not easily shaken by anything, but seeing that video had thrown him for a loop. It had been nearly an hour since Brian went to sleep, and my eyes were wide open, gazing at the ceiling.

"You're not sleeping," he murmured.

I shifted my arm to let him sit up. "No, I'm not."

"You're still thinking about the video, aren't you?"

"Yea, Brian, I am. You're beginning to worry me."

He took another one of those deep sighs. "Evan, I love you more than anything else. What I'm about to tell you, you're only the second person to hear it. And no, the first was not Erica. I doubt that I'll ever tell her."

Now he had my undivided attention and then some. "Who was it? Noah?"

I could see him shake his head in the dim glow of the street lights. "No, Evan, it was my therapist, Kennedy Blaine."

I waited for him to continue. Whatever it was that was bothering him, he was having an intensely hard time saying it.

"I really want you to talk to her because I know something of what you're going through right now. I love you so much, baby; I don't want you to hurt like this. I don't want you to feel the emotional pain of abuse."

"I love you, too, Bri, but I don't understand what you're trying to tell me. He moved a little closer to me, and in the light, I could see the tear streaks down his face.

"Noah and I had an abusive relationship."



Heaven On Earth Ch. 10



Author's Note: I sincerely apologize for the delay of the story. I could talk about the events in my life of the past months that prevented me from being able to finish the story the way that I wanted to, but I know that everyone is more concerned with the story. I do appreciate the e-mails from people both with praise and criticism. Brian and Evan's tale is actually winding down, so I expect to have it finished soon with two three more chapters. Please enjoy.

Chapter 10: Fallen Stars

I reached out my hand to touch Brian's face, but he flinched a little before holding it there with his own hand. I had never seen him like this. When I felt the wetness on his cheeks, my heart broke and I finally completely understood his concern. 

"Now do you see why I would never go back to Noah?" he whispered.

"Bri, I had no idea."

"It's not exactly something that comes up in everyday conversation," he chuckled dryly. 

"What happened?"

"I'm not even sure how it all started anymore." He rubbed his hands over his eyes. "You know that Noah's a small guy, but he was usually on top in bed. Whenever he couldn't afford cocaine, he would drink. When he drank, he got angry. One night he came home and punched me when I told him how I didn't want to put up with him while he was drunk. He apologized, and we made love, but he kept hitting me while we had sex and telling me that he loved me. I was so stupid and so insecure that I believed every word he said. Somehow the pain started working its way into our sex life all of the time. I got him to stop hitting me in the face, but that meant that the beating intensified in other places. Sometimes I couldn't comfortably sit down or wear short sleeve shirts. The last time that we had sex before we broke up, he had gotten so high that I don't think he was aware of how badly he was hurting me despite how loudly I begged him to stop. I never hit him back because I was afraid that I would hurt him more since I was bigger." Brian paused for a second to clear his throat. "No, that's a lie. I didn't hit him back because I loved him and I thought he loved me, only he had a different way of showing it. I ended up in the hospital. After I got out, he tried apologizing, but the combination of the drugs and the beatings was too much. I told him to leave, and thankfully, he did."

"Brian, I'm so sorry."

"Why? Because you're shacked up with an idiot?"

"No, Brian, I am not 'shacked up with an idiot.' I'm sorry because you had to go through that. You know you're worth so much. You're so sweet and beautiful and brilliant—"

"Right, because it's my brilliance that allowed me to be beaten all the time." He sat up and got out of the bed.

I jumped up right after him and stopped him from leaving the room. His shoulders were shaking with his tears as I hugged him from behind. "You're creative, and you're caring, and you mean more to me than anything else in my life." I turned him around in my arms. "I love you, and I will spend the rest of my life protecting you from all the Noahs out there who would even dream of hurting you." His head dropped slightly. "Look at me, Bri. I will never hurt you like that. You don't have to pretend to be strong all the time because you think that I'll take advantage of that moment of weakness. You can cry on me, you can break down on me, you can lose your mind on me, and I'm still going to love you just the same."

That burst open the floodgates. Brian seemed to become dead weight against me as the tears poured out. I think that having Noah re-introduced into his life hurt him a lot more than I realized, and he had not yet had the chance to talk to anyone like Kennedy Blaine. For the first time, I rocked and held him as he cried. Brian had never let himself slip when he was with me; he was in complete control of his darker emotions. I led us back into the bed and rolled him so that his face was pressed into my chest. Once his cries had died down to sobs and a mild case of the hiccups, I moved myself so that I was face to face with him.

"I'm going to make an appointment with Dr. Blaine," I said, "but I want you to come with me."

He silently nodded his head and cuddled himself back into my chest. I could tell that he had finally gone to sleep when I noticed that his hiccups had stopped and his breathing was more regular. I held him all night. I couldn't think of anything else I could do. 

I woke up early the next morning and carefully released Brian. I quietly fished around in Brian's pants, looking for the keys to his apartment. I knew that I couldn't fully comprehend what he went through without seeing it. I was so busy cursing Noah that I almost forgot to turn off the alarm as I slipped out of the apartment. After letting myself into the apartment, I found the tape right where he had left it on the VCR and began to play it. 

The tape picked up with Noah pressing himself into Brian and violently kissing him. Noah, who was still clothed, grabbed Brian by the balls and commanded him to roll over. Without any foreplay or lubrication, he drove himself into Brian and caused him to cry out in pain. No sooner had the sound escaped Brian's lips than Noah smacked him in the back of the head.

You better not start that crying shit or I'll make it even worse for you.

I watched in horror as Noah savagely pounded Brian to the verge of splitting him wide open. The camera was far from the bed, but I was almost certain that I could see that Brian's ass was bleeding. Noah raked his fingernails across Brian's back and held him firmly against the bed with one hand on Brian's neck. Every time that Brian made some kind of noise, Noah would beat him with his fist until he seemed satisfied that Brian was quiet enough. It lasted for about fifteen minutes, and then I heard Noah cry out and roll off Brian. They both lay there for a few moments until Brian got up to turn off the camera. He walked directly in front of it as he was turning it off, and it was very obvious that he was not even hard without any evidence of relief. Noah didn't even have the decency to make sure that Brian at least got off on it all. I truly had to wonder how Brian had ever convinced himself that he loved this monster. I rewound the tape and put it back where I got it. I locked up Brian's apartment, went back upstairs and turned on the alarm as if I had never left. 

Brian was still asleep. Thank God. I took off my clothes and went into the kitchen. I may have been a terrible cook, but I damn well tried. It wasn't anything fancy: some runny scrambled eggs, over cooked bacon, toast, and some strawberries that I bought at a corner market. I poured two glasses of orange juice and made two cups of black coffee. I carried it all back on a tray into the extra bedroom. 

I put the tray on the nightstand. I smoothed back Brian's hair from his temples and kissed those first. I moved on to kiss his cheeks, his earlobes, his neck, and back up again. He was already awake when I started my second rotation, but I wanted to keep going anyway. 

"What smells so good?" he murmured.

"You," I said, continuing to kiss his face. 

"Kiss-ass."

"You want me to?"

My joke got something of a chuckle out of him. He sat up and I passed him the tray of food. "I thought I'd let you know just how special you are."

"Runny scrambled eggs, over cooked bacon, toast, and those strawberries you bought at the corner market."

"You make it sound so appetizing."

He leaned in and kissed me. "I love you, too, baby."

I ran my hand up and down his leg while he ate. Once he finished the eggs and toast, he took a loud, crispy bite of his bacon and looked at me.

"What?" I asked.

"You're looking at me differently."

"How so?"

"I don't know. Something is different. Come here."

His hand moved to the back of my neck and pulled my head to his. Our lips met, but Brian broke it off fairly quickly. 

"You're kissing me differently."

"Bri, I really don't understand wha—"

"I love you," he said suddenly.

I was almost trying to finish saying what I had started, but I came out with a confused, "I love you, too, Brian."

His deep, blue eyes locked onto my face and then became cloudy with pain. I never knew how he had known, but I suppose it was a testament to how we were bonded to each other in a way that no one else could touch. His voice was barely audible. "You watched the tape, didn't you?"

"Yea, Bri, I did."

"Why? Why would you want to see that?"

"Because I needed to understand what you went through. I had to know."

"But now you just pity me."

"Oh, is that what you think is going on? No, Brian. If you think that what I feel now is pity, you're absolutely wrong. All I can feel when I look at you is sheer awe and admiration for someone who went through so much and pulled it all together in the end."

He seemed to think about this for a while. My hand had never left his leg while we were talking. I resumed stroking him, which seemed to make him relax a little. He finished off the strawberries and bacon and moved the tray aside. I slid back under the covers with him and let him snuggle up closely. It seemed like he was listening to the beating of my heart. I heard him quietly humming as he kissed my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair and down his back, causing him to laugh and shiver. It felt good to hear him laugh. 

"Brian, I want to make love to you," I said.

"Yes," he said. "I love you so much, Evan."

I reached over to the nightstand and picked up the lube. I squirted some onto my fingers and began to gently loosen up Brian's hole. When I had finished, I moved myself to the edge of the bed. Brian sat up and looked questioningly at me.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I want to do it like this," I said. "Sit on my lap."

He smiled and complied. His legs rested on either side of my thighs as he sat on me. My penis easily slipped into him and we both sighed. In that position, he was in the perfect position for my tongue to play around with his nipples. He sat on me for a few minutes, completely impaled, while we kissed, licked, and ran our hands all over each others bodies. Mostly we just held each other and waited. Eventually, I picked him up by his butt cheeks and started to slowly lift him off me and lower him again. We kept up the same painfully slow, yet incredibly beautiful, pace. It wasn't about someone getting off, it wasn't about reaching any sort of goal. It was simply me connected to Brian on a strong emotional level, and he was connected to me in the same way. After nearly an hour of the slow sex, I think I had finally begun to wear him down. He had orgasmed twice, but I was still going strong, concentrating and stopping myself every time I felt like I was going to go over the edge. I rolled him over on his back so that he could at least lie down, but I kept the same pace. His legs wrapped around me and pushed down on my back, bringing me in closer to him, driving me deeper into his body. His eyes were closed in pleasurable silence, and his mouth was stretched into a smile of pure content. I leaned in to kiss him, and before I knew it, I was shooting into him, completely buried inside. 

Brian lowered his legs as I crumbled into a heap on top of him. 

I leaned over and whispered into his ear, "I love you, Brian Davis."

He only sighed in response. I didn't need to hear him say the same; I already knew how much we meant to each other. 

*** Little did I know that the tape marked the beginning of the end. That night, when the two of us came in from a great Italian dinner, the phone rang. Mark called saying that Maria had been particularly down recently, so he was making arrangements for the whole family to come up and visit and then go on to visit Mom and Uncle James. I asked them to stay with me; Brian and I needed to move his bed upstairs anyway since the end of the month was quickly approaching and he needed to get out of there. We had packed boxes and moved clothing up the elevator, but there was still more to finish. They insisted that they stay at a hotel, justifying themselves by saying there was no way that Brian and I were ready to handle three infants. I could not dispute their reasoning. They were coming on Saturday. 

I laid back into the cushions of the sofa. I wasn't sure what Brian was doing, but he emerged from the bedroom when someone knocked on the door. I lifted myself to answer it.

"What do you want?" I sneered.

Noah Meyers stared blankly at me with that innocent face that he seemed to have mastered. "Hello, Evan. I was looking for Brian."

I glared at him fiercely through half-clenched eyes. "I can't imagine why."

"Am I not allowed to talk to my friends? Christ, I hope you don't try to control Brian like this."

"With friends like you..." 

"Look, I'm not trying to start any trouble. Will you let me talk to Brian?"

I knew that Brian was right around the corner, but I reasoned that he would have already come out if he wanted to talk to Noah. "You're not going to order me around in my own apartment. Besides, Brian isn't here. He's probably downstairs in his own apartment. You have a key; why don't you let yourself in like you usually do?"

He got very silent and studied me for a moment. "I don't have my key anymore. I lost it a couple of weeks ago, but even so, I never once used it to get into Brian's apartment."

I had to laugh out loud at that one. "Oh, right. So I suppose the tape of you beating the shit of Brian simply walked into his apartment and buried itself in the couch."

"How did you get that?" he growled quietly.

"Why don't you tell me?"

"If I knew, I would certainly kick the shit out of the guy who gave it to you. No one was ever supposed to see that." 

"That's a good cover. You've actually got me convinced," I said sarcastically.

"I sincerely don't know how the hell all of this happened," he said. His tone grew dark and serious. "I did NOT have anything to do with giving you that tape. I love Brian. Do you think that I would deliberately humil—"

"Have a nice evening, Mr. Meyers." I slammed the door in his face and locked it. Enough was enough. 

Brian was sitting on the couch with a magazine in hand, looking completely undisturbed. He casually lifted his head and looked at me. "I don't buy his story," he said.

I plucked the magazine from his hand and sat on his lap. I leaned in and began to gently suck on his bottom lip. I felt his hands moving up my back. The phone ringing again broke us apart. 

"Hello," I answered.

"E-Evan?"

"Jane?" I said incredulously.

Brian crossed over from the couch and took my hand in his.

"Hi. I've been trying to get in touch with you. I-I think we really need to talk. About Laura."

"That sounds good," I responded timidly.

"Alright, I'll be right over."

Shit. That was the last thing in the world I wanted. She had tried to break in earlier! "Uh, actually we're pretty busy right now. We've been moving things around and the apartment is a mess. Do you think we could just talk on the phone?" Brian squeezed my hand.

"Evan, this is pretty important."

"I know, but... Isn't there sometime we can meet later?"

"I'm not sure," she said. "I'm going to be pretty busy with work for the rest of the week." She chuckled on the other end of the phone. "It's not as if I've never seen your place when it's messy."

"I know, Jane, but things are very cluttered and congested right now. How about I meet you tomorrow for lunch or something?"

The line went very silent for a moment before I heard her voice again. "That's fine. Where do you want to meet?"

"Does Washington Square Park sound good? We can meet at about 1 o'clock and figure out where to go from there."

"That's fine. I'll see you then."

"Bye."

Another pause. "Bye."

I slowly hung up the phone and sighed in relief. Jane may have been my best friend, but her suspicious behavior was too much for me to ignore. Brian, still holding my hand, led me to the couch. We sat down face to face without saying anything for a few moments. 

"Any thoughts?" I asked, finally breaking the silence.

"Yes, I want you to cancel."

"I do, too, but at least I bought myself some time. I couldn't think of anything fast enough."

"Well, there's not much that can happen in public during lunchtime. I suppose you should be fine. Her behavior is just making me nervous."

"I am a big boy," I pointed out.

"I know you are," he growled and nipped my neck. Responding to the heat of his body and the feeling of his lips on my skin, I began to pull of his shirt with a fervor that matched his own hips grinding against me. I had just unzipped him when there was a knock at the door. 

"I SWEAR on my granddaddy's beard! I can hear y'all through the door. Don't you ever take it into the bedroom?"

Brian fumbled to slip his shirt back on while moaning, "Don't let her in! Whatever you do don't let her in!"

I snickered to myself as I rose to let Erica in. She stood on the other side of the door with the aura and poise of royalty. She briskly walked into the living room and turned to face both Brian and myself. "Well, it's nice to know that one of you still has manners." She smirked as he zipped his pants. Next, she put on a brilliant smile and in her sweetest voice she said, "Mr. Alexander, could you excuse us for a moment? Mr. Davis and I have a few things to talk about."

Realizing that she probably wanted to talk about last night, I excused myself saying that I smelled from moving around boxes all day. I went to go jump in the shower. 

I undressed while I let the water run hot. Once the steam was running out of the shower stall, I stepped into the nearly scalding hot water. I ran the washcloth over my body, scrubbing at the grime and smell from all the dirt and dust that had accumulated in Brian's apartment. I washed the back of my neck and traveled down to my back. Feeling one of my fingers lightly scraping my back, I suddenly remembered how Noah had so viciously clawed at Brian on the video tape. I winced and tried to put the images out of mind, but everyone knows that it's even harder not to think of something when you're trying hard to focus on something else. I let one muffled sob escape my lips before I finished and turned the water off. There was no way I was going to show how much Noah really got to me. I would have his head on a pike before I let him anywhere near Brian again. 

I went back into the living room where Brian and Erica still seemed locked in an intense conversation.

"I really didn't mean to sound so harsh, Erica," Brian said. He held out his hand for me and pulled me into his lap. "It's that I wanted to tell Evan privately; you had as much of a right to know as he did, but given the circumstances, I felt like I needed to tell him first." He nuzzled his head into my shoulder, and I ran my hand across his back.

"Apology accepted, Bri, but if you ever speak to me like that again, I'm going to cut off your balls and sell them as mountain oysters."

"Mountain oysters?" I asked.

"They're bull testicles," she said, smiling brightly.

Brian laughed loudly, and I made a gagging noise. 

"Brian is big, but he's not that big," I joked. He playfully punched my arm.

After that, the conversation came to a pause. Erica began to stare blankly into some corner of the room, and Brian and I became lost in holding each other. I mindlessly ran my fingers through his hair as he rested his head. Erica was now reclining on the couch, eyes closed. At some point, I must have fallen asleep as well because the next thing I realized was that I was curled up still in Brian's lap, and there were some noises coming from the kitchen. I turned my head as Erica came back in with a soda in her hand.

I smiled sleepily at her. "We all dozed off, didn't we?"




Heaven On Earth Ch. 10



She nodded and smiled at Brian, who was still snoring softly underneath me.

I pressed my head back into the crevasse between his head and shoulder. I began to kiss and nibble his neck, and I was rewarded with a series of soft sighs as he slept. Erica giggled as he stirred slightly but did not completely regain consciousness. Feeling a little frisky because I had an audience, I started to caress Brian's chest muscles through his shirt. His free hand came up and stroked my back. I was pretty sure he was still asleep, responding only on instinct. I pulled back and kissed his lips. He parted his lips and let my tongue inside. I heard Erica walk towards the door and shut it behind her. Brian's sighs had turned to moans. I stopped kissing him and sat up straight in his lap. His head came up, following my lips, and then it unceremoniously flopped back to the couch. He slowly opened his eyes to find me smiling at him. He smiled back at me and I had at least a thousand butterflies in my stomach. He grabbed me by my long legs and dipped me into the cushions of the sofa. The kiss he planted on me would have been enough to raise a dead man's heartbeat. We spent a few more minutes on the couch, slowly making out, lacing our fingers together, whispering all sorts of words of commitment and dedication. It seemed as though we simultaneously made the decision to move into the bedroom, where we both undressed and crawled under the covers. My head rested on Brian's chest and his arm came around to touch my back and shoulders. I fell asleep almost instantly. 

When I awoke the next morning, I was pulled even more tightly into Brian's embrace. I inhaled deeply, savoring his scent and it was then I noticed that he was awake, too. 

"G'morning," I yawned.

He kissed my head. "Good morning. I would ask how you slept, but I think I can already guess." 

I acknowledged his assumption with a soft grunt. I brought my right hand up to toy and finger his left nipple. His fingers ran up and down the space right under my triceps; I was very ticklish there. He had fun making me writhe and squirm. 

"We should get up and finish unpacking your things," I suggested.

"Why?"

"Because it's Wednesday morning, and we're being lazy by sitting here all day cuddling."

"I don't really see a problem," he replied with a smirk.

I gave a put-upon sigh. There was no way I was going to get him to move. My hand sank lower down his chest until it disappeared under the covers. I wrapped my hand around his cock and said, "I think I found a problem."

"Do you think you can fix it?"

I went beneath the covers and slowly licked him from the base to the tip in one fluid motion. I pumped it up and down a couple of times before popping my head back out to speak to him. 

"It seems like you have a leak down here."

He laughed. "I'll see what I can do about it," I said. I put his penis in my mouth, thoroughly making it wet and sliding it back and forth on my tongue. Just when his balls started to tighten up, I pulled off and climbed up his thighs. Brian's face was flushed and he looked at me questioningly. When I was sure he was calm enough, I reached behind myself and pressed the head of his cock at my entrance. I started to lower myself onto him, but the phone rang.

"Shit," I spat.

"Don't answer it," Brian gasped.

I let myself slowly sink down a couple of inches more, but the phone kept ringing. Brian reached forward and began to push me down as well. By the time I was fully impaled, the phone had stopped. Brian sighed in relief as I began to raise myself up again. Before anything else could happen, the phone started ringing again.

"Persistent mother fucker, huh?"

"Brian, what if it's important?"

He gave a disgusted scowl as I lifted myself off him and picked up the phone.

"Hello," I answered. 

Brian moved in beside and began planting kisses on my neck. The voice on the other end was very faint, so I tried to swat him away with my free hand. He settled for wrapping his arms around my stomach. 

It was a woman's voice. "Watch out for fallen stars."

"What?" I asked incredulously. 

"Fallen stars." The phone clicked and hung up. I immediately tried to trace the call, but *69 was unable to trace it. 

I hung up the phone, and sat quietly for a moment. "What's wrong, baby? Who was that?"

Almost in a trance, I said, "Fallen stars. I need to watch for fallen stars."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I really don't know."

Brian hugged me a little tighter. "Fallen stars," I repeated to myself. "Fallen stars."

***

To this day, I still lament that my time with Brian was so tumultuous. Our relationship was filled with a lot of love and quite a bit of pain for the short amount of time we had together. I remember waking up once in the middle of the night with his head on my chest as we slept. I breathed in deeply and held the air, wishing that if I could stop things, maybe we'd be all right. There's something symbolic about holding it for as long as possible and then being forced to simply let go because you can't physically maintain it all. Our love was too much for one breath, for one moment; I had to release it so that it could change and grow. God only knows where I was letting it go, but I knew that I had to see it through until the end.

To be continued... 



Heaven On Earth Ch. 11



Ch. 11 All Tied Up

11:23am on Wednesday, July 30th, 2003. Ninety-seven minutes before I was supposed to meet Jane for lunch. After the cryptic phone call, I had been through three cups of coffee and two of my emergency cigarettes. Brian looked at me in horror when he caught me smoking. For a few moments, he looked back and forth between my haggardly face and the pack of smokes on the bar, and then he sat down next to me, pulled out a cigarette, and lit it from the burning stick in my mouth. It was one of those mornings. 

Neither of us said anything for awhile. We sat idly at the bar in a classic trance of holding our heads in one hand and the coffee and cigarette in the other. The ominous, glowing clock on the microwave whittled down my minutes. 11:25. 11:29. 11: 43. What was I going to do? A heavy sigh from Brian caused me to notice that he was no longer sitting next to me and had moved around to the sink on the other side of the bar. He began violently soaping and washing his hands.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Trying to get out the smell of smoke on my hands. It stinks. It smells like guilt to me."

"You English PhDs have the strangest comparisons. What is that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not a PhD yet."

"But you will be," I said.

"Don't jinx me," he replied.

"Love you."

"Love you, too."

"So what makes cigarettes smell like guilt?"

He returned to lathering his hands in soap and compulsively smelling them before he grew unsatisfied with them and began to repeat the process. "My parents caught me smoking once with Joe, but I didn't know that they had seen me. When I got home, I denied having done it, so my dad asked me to breathe in his face. I reeked. The next time I smoked, I bought a pack of gum to get rid of the bad breath. Dad was rocking on the porch when I got home. He didn't even bring it up when he saw me, but before I could pass through the front door, he grabbed my hand and drew in a long breath of its scent. He turned to me and said, 'Smell your hand.' I quietly muttered that I didn't need to, and from then on, I thought that my hands smelled like shame and guilt from that encounter with my father. I hate that damn smell."

I silently laughed to myself, deciding that it would be better not to antagonize him. These little obsessive tendencies he had only made me obsessively love him more. I took a sip of what had become cold coffee and tried to focus on being calm.

Brian dried his hands with some paper towels. Coming from behind me, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pressed his face against mine. I reached my left hand up, the one I hadn't used to smoke, and stroked his cheek. We both sighed into each other, his chin resting on my shoulder and my head leaned into his. 

"I can't believe I'm getting so worked up over this," I said, finally breaking the silence.

"I can. I don't like this situation one bit." He took my hand in his and walked us over into the living room. I took a seat and pulled him into a sitting position beside me with his head back on my shoulder and one of his long legs draped over mine. "I don't want to let you go, Evan."

"You won't have to."

"But this is crazy. All of this crazy. Jane sneaking around, trying to get into the apartment. Now she wants to meet you for lunch. And the weird phone call this morning. They can't all be unrelated."

"What am I supposed to do then? Not show up?"

"I just want you to be careful. Maybe I should come with you," said Brian.

"No, I need this chance to talk to her alone. So much has happened, and she's part of it, too—"

"I bet she has a bigger part in all this than we know."

"Bri, this isn't exactly helping."

"Shit. I know, but I'm having a hard time thinking through this clearly, too. You yourself said that you thought that Jane might have had something to do with Laura ambushing us."

"I know, but avoiding her doesn't seem like the answer."

"Works for me," he said in a flat tone.

"We're just going to have lunch. You're the one who said that we'll be out in public and there's not much that she can do."

We both seemed to give up at this point. We had gone back and forth with our opinions, changing our minds several times for the entire morning and in the end, I felt as though I had to go and make some sort of effort. Brian simply pulled me into his body and breathed deeply. I stared ahead into space and returned to counting the passing minutes.

***

My walk towards the park felt like some tunneled dream in which everything around me swirled and twisted as I passed by. I had put on a brave face for Brian, but the truth was that I was nervous about meeting Jane. At one point, I felt intensely dizzy and had to lean against a lamppost in order to steady myself. I inhaled deeply and tried to regain my composure.

I blinked once. I blinked twice more. And then I became aware of where I was again. I had stopped in front of a cart that was selling calendars and postcards. As luck would have it, they sold cigarettes as well. What cart in New York didn't? I pulled out another cigarette, now lighting up my fourth of the day. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed one of the postcards with Van Gogh's "Starry Night." I looked at the large yellow-orange balls, and it reminded me of camping in the Pennsylvania woods when I was younger. Our group of scouts would trek into the trees, set up camp, and wait for night to fall. We would tell ghost stories, melt marshmallows, and late at night we would find a clearing, lay down our blankets and point up at the constellations that we could identify. 

When I got home after that first weekend of camping, I couldn't stop raving about what it was like to be stargazing out and away from the cloudy city. Night and day, I began to talk and bother Maria with it. My mother somehow found a reason to escape me most times. Maria, with all the patience that she had for me, decided that she couldn't take my babbling anymore. She bought a bag of glow-in-the-dark stars and helped me stick them on the ceiling above my bed.

I invited Jane and Laura over to look at my new decoration. Laura and I were never exactly close, so she came into my room and left shortly after. I'm not sure if Jane was interested or not, but she pretended to be amused at least for my sake. I had arranged the stars to imitate commonly known constellations like the Big Dipper and Orion's Belt, until Jane suggested that we take them down and make patterns or write our names with them. Because I liked the realism, I said that her idea was silly and girly; she didn't understand what I saw in it. We fought over it; one of the only times that we ever fought. I shouted at her so loudly that it brought our mothers and Laura and Maria to my bedroom door. In a moment of passion and rage, Jane clawed at my stars, tearing them off the ceiling. She stormed out of the room, rudely pushing her way past the crowd that had gathered at the door and leaving me on my bed kneeling in the pile of fallen stars…

"SHIT!" I said aloud. 

I dropped my cigarette out of sheer surprise. That's what that voice on the phone had said. She had been talking about that day. But who could have been on the phone? I didn't have time to think about who it could have been. That was the day that Jane truly flipped out on me. And here it was happening again. I thought about going home. I probably should have gone home, but I still cared too much about Jane to let her go on like this. She was slowly going out of her mind, and it was my fault. I needed to get her some help. I took a look back in the direction of my apartment, and then I looked down the street towards the park. I inhaled deeply and started walking, almost running, briskly down the street.

I found Jane sitting near the arch, though I almost turned around in fear. But she saw me, too. She rose to greet me.

"It's so good to see you, Evan," she said warmly.

My heart was pounding in my ears. I didn't know if I should try to confront her or simply play along with whatever game she had started.

"Good to see you, too," I said, doing my best to not sound nervous.

"Well, I'm starved. Shall we?" she said.

We walked to a nearby café-like restaurant, but neither of us made any attempt at conversation. She seemed cheerful enough, singing to herself as we went along. My mouth was dry and frozen with fear. Only once we sat down at our table outside did she speak again.

"Evan, I'm so sorry that you've been through all this."

Still trying to seem casual, I smiled and said, "It's all fine. Just another bump in the road, but we're managing."

Jane ordered a glass of water from the waiter but declined any food. I asked for a salad and some water. My stomach was all tied up in knots, so I knew I couldn't handle much food anyway.

"I think you're right, babe. It is just another bump in the road, but it'll all be fixed soon," she said staring straight at me and smiling.

I nodded and tried to look pleasant.

Jane began laughing. "Oh Evan, you were always such a terrible liar. You don't have to act like you don't know what's going on."

"Well, to tell the truth, Jane, I don't know what's going on. I don't know why you're doing this to me."

The waiter brought our drinks, and Jane sipped her water before continuing the conversation.

"Out of curiosity, what was it that tipped you off?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, I have to admit that there were several holes and slips in my plan. I was just curious as to when you finally figured things out."

"If anything, it was a phone call I got this morning, but you trying to break into my apartment in the middle of the day wasn't too subtle either."

She sipped her water again. "So you did get the phone call? I knew that bitch would get in the way." 

"Who was it, Jane? Who was on the phone?"

She smiled a sinister smile that turned my stomach. "My mother. She was trying to warn you, but I caught her on the phone. She won't be bothering us anymore."

"What do you mean?"

No response. The wind picked up a little, bringing the thick, heavy smell of New York in summertime to my nostrils. I felt like I was going to vomit.

After a pause, Jane said, "Well, she probably told you all you need to know."

"Actually, no. I didn't hear most of what she said."

"Then I'm sure you know from all the other hints."

"Jane, stop playing games and tell me what's going on," I was beginning to get frustrated with the secrecy when she was sitting across the table from me, capable of explaining everything.

"Then you truly don't know, do you? This is going to be more interesting than I thought."

"Know what!?" I cried.

"Shush, Evan," she said kindly. "I brought you here so that you wouldn't make a scene."

"I don't appreciate being toyed with. I simply want to know what this game is all about."

"Oh, it's certainly not a game, Evan. Our life together is anything but a game."

"Jane, we don't have a life together. My life, my heart, my very soul is with Brian. You know that. I don't understand this."

"That may be true, but once Brian is out of the picture, you'll realize that you and I were meant to be together."

"Amazing how you and your twin sound alike," I said coldly.

"Oh, silly Laura. If you ask me, I'd say she deserves what she got for not listening to me. She was helping me with the plan for this, but then she had to go on with a crazy plan of her own. She thought that you were just gay and confused, but I knew better. I know you love Brian, and I'm glad you do. Love is a beautiful thing. But we were made for each other. Evan and Jane Alexander going through thick and thin till death do us part. That's how it was always supposed to be. You just got a little sidetracked on your way to destiny."

"Jane, what Brian and I have isn't something that can be taken away."

"I beg to differ. Noah is working on that as we speak."

My entire body went numb for a moment. The waiter brought out my salad. I certainly didn't have any appetite at all by this point. 

I'm not entirely sure how I formed the words, but I came out with, "How do you know Noah?"

"He's one of my favorite cousins. You see, I may not have met Brian until recently, but I have known of him for quite some time. And I must say that you have an amazing effect on people, Evan. It's one of the reasons I love you so much."

"What do you mean?"

"You see? You don't even realize what you're doing when you're doing it. You strengthen the people around you." She reached across the table and placed her hand on top of mine. I felt sick at her touch. That's why I agreed to meet you out here. I needed to get you away from Brian. He's so much stronger, so much more resistant to Noah when you're around. Just like I'm so much stronger from loving you. Do you think that I, the quiet architect, could have the resolve to pull all of this off if it weren't for you?"

The tears began to well up in my eyes, but I refused to cry. Not because of her. Not now.  "You're the one who stole the key to Brian's apartment, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"That time when you came over for dinner."

"That's right." 

"And you came in and left the sex tape in the couch."

"Yes. Noah wasn't too happy about that, but I assured him that it was necessary to drive you two apart. Much to my surprise, it didn't work."

"So where is Noah now?"

"Back at your apartment with Brian." I made a move to stand and leave. "It's in your best interest to stay here, Evan. Noah has already taken Brian by now, and the only way for you to see him again is to stay with me and do exactly what I ask of you. You don't know where they've gone or how to find them without me."

I tried my best to regain my composure, but it was no use. I couldn't help but stare daggers at Jane across the table. 

"Go on and eat your food," she said in that kind tone. 

"I'm hardly hungry," I replied. 

"Try to understand, Evan. Noah and I were just lonely cousins crying on each other's shoulders because we wanted our boyfriends back."

"Jane, there is no way that I'm ever going to understand this."

"You will some day. You'll see how good we are together."

I didn't respond. There were no words to explain how I felt, for it was certainly a new emotion for me. My best friend wanted to ruin my life and had been actively trying to sabotage my relationship with Brian, the one thing in the world that I felt I could count on. 

"Well, if you're not going to eat, then maybe we should go," she suggested.

"Go where?"

"To meet Noah and Brian. Where else would we go at a time like this?"

I hesitated to move. "Evan, if you don't come with me now, I guarantee that you will never see Brian Davis alive again."

She pulled a ten-dollar bill out of her purse and laid it on the table. She stood up from the table and gave me a look as if to say, "Well, are you coming?" I stood up and followed her onto the street.

She had parked a large white van in a parking garage a few blocks away. She opened the back double doors that led into the bare cargo area.

"Get in," she said. "I know it will be uncomfortable, but I'll drive slowly and try not to knock you around. It's important that you don't see where we're going."

Not having any other option, I climbed into the van and watched Jane with sullen eyes as she closed the doors behind me. The motor started, and the car began to vibrate beneath me. Then we were off. 

I'm not sure how long we were on the road, but it was still day-time when Jane let me out of the van. I didn't recognize the neighborhood, but we were clearly in a suburban area.  She led me around to the back of a house with a separate shed for a garage. We stopped in front of the door as she reached into her purse and pulled out a remote. The door opened and I couldn't help but let a gasp escape my lips.

Brian was in a drugged state, tied down to a chair. Noah lay on the cold floor, unmoving and lifeless.

Jane chuckled softly. "Everything went according to plan, then."

I was too stunned to say anything, but I wasn't too stunned to move. Without thinking about the consequences, I dashed to Brian's side. His eyes were only half-open and he seemed to struggle to look at me.

"He should be stable enough to walk," Jane said behind me. "Untie him and follow me."

I turned around to say, "Jane, enough is enough," but the gun she had pointed at me stopped my words.

"Untie him," she repeated.

The knots weren't too tightly done, probably because Brian was so out of it. I freed him and helped him to his feet. He leaned on me heavily as we staggered towards the door.

I stopped us in front of Jane. "What about him," I asked, nodding towards Noah. 

"He won't be bothering us anymore," said Jane.

"I'm really beginning to hate that phrase," I muttered.

She continued as if she didn't hear me. "It wasn't too hard to overdose him on his medication. All I had to do was break up a few extra pills and drop them into his water."

My ears shuddered at her words. Jane backed out of the garage, and I followed, leaving the poisoned Noah on the ground. She closed the door with the remote and showed us into the house. 

Jane motioned us towards the stairs with her gun, and I had a difficult time maneuvering Brian. She followed us in silence.

"This door," she said once we had reached the second floor, "on the left."

I walked Brian into the room and laid him on the bed. It was a nice, well furnished room. It looked like it had been a child's room once with its bright wallpaper and old toys. There was a bathroom that was attached as well. 

"I may be madly in love, Evan, but I'm not cruel," Jane said, standing in the doorway. "I know that you love him, and you need to get some feelings out of your system, so I'll give you one last night with him. But I give you fair warning now. Don't you come past this door, or I'll be cross."

"I didn't want this to be so bloody," she said after a pause. "But I know that as long as he's alive, you'll never fully give your heart to me."

She left us there and closed the door behind her. It was an old house, and I heard her lock us in from the outside. I went back to worrying about Brian. His breathing was weak, and I couldn't get him to really respond to my presence. After monitoring him for some time, he seemed to fall asleep. At first I thought that he may have been dead, but the slow rise of his chest let me know that my man was still alive.

I began trying to think of ways for us to escape. There were two windows, and we were only on the second floor of the house. No luck; they were welded shut. I tried the window in the bathroom and it was the same. The only way out was through the bedroom door, but Jane's threat kept me wary of breaking through it with a chair or even my own foot. I knelt down and did my best to look under the door. All I could see were chair legs and Jane rhythmically tapping one of her feet against the floor. I knew that she would be waiting there all night with her pistol. 

I gave up on trying to escape, hoping that Brian may have had a better idea when he woke up. Eventually, I crawled into the bed next to him and lay there stroking his face. As tired and exhausted as I was, I couldn't fall asleep. It was dark outside before Brian finally began to come to his senses. 

"Evan?" he mumbled.

"Brian? Are you alright? How do you feel?"

"I'm fine," he said, "just a bit sleepy. What the hell happened?"

"I'm guessing Noah drugged you."

He struggled to remember, but after a moment he said, "Yeah, he made me drink some water, and then I don't really remember anything."

I waited for Brian to wake up a little more, and then I told him everything that Jane had told me. I also included the details of the trip to the house and all that happened since we had arrived. Much to my surprise, Brian didn't even flinch when I told him that Noah was dead.




Heaven On Earth Ch. 11



Once I had finished, Brian told me how Noah came to the apartment and threatened Brian. He had him at gunpoint, threatening with the possibility of never seeing me again just like Jane had done with me. Noah forced Brian to leave his cell phone in my apartment, and then they headed off to the house like we had. Noah had given Brian a cup of water, and that was the end of his memory.

"I don't think we can get out of this, Bri," I said.

"I'm not so sure we can either."

"Jane said that we could have one last night together, and I think it may actually be our last."

"I'm beginning to think that's true."

All hope and optimism had left us. We sat on the bed for awhile, knowing that Jane intended to kill Brian. From what Noah had said to Brian, we knew that she had double crossed him into thinking that Brian would stay alive and that they would both have their ex-boyfriends back. 

"Brian, there's so much I want to say, but I don't think I have the words."

"I don't either," he said, hanging his head in defeat. "'I love you,' seems like it's too little and too cliché, but it's all I can really say."

"It's alright. I know exactly what you mean. You don't have to say anything because I love you, too." I scooted myself closer to him and embraced him. We held each other tightly until the tears began to roll down both of our faces. 

"I love you so much," I sobbed.

"I know, baby, I know." 

We rolled ourselves on the bed so that we were lying next to each other, face-to-face; each of us watching every twitch of the other's crying eyes. 

"If it's any consolation, I would make love to you if I didn't have performance anxiety," Brian said.

I managed to laugh through the tears at his terrible joke. "No, I'm serious," he continued. "But I'm so damn afraid that it won't be the best sex of your life that I just can't do anything."

"You know that's not what I need or want from you," I said.

"I know," he whispered.

"I do have one question though," I said.

He nodded. "The only time that you have to ask it is the best time, I suppose. And I told you before that I would say yes. So you already know my answer."

I cupped his face and kissed him very gently on the lips. And just like that, we were married. We didn't need some big ceremony, or a minister, or even some dumb law to tell us if we were married or not. I had him, and he had me. In our hearts, that was all that truly mattered. Neither of us said anything after that. We held each other through the night. Although we both drifted in and out of sleep occasionally, we could never sleep for long. A couple of times, I checked under the door again, and Jane was still there ominously tapping her foot. It was no use.

Around the time when the sun came up, Brian released me and walked into the bathroom. As he began to pee, I heard the bedroom door unlock, and Jane came in, gun and all. My heart skipped one, two beats. And my breathing was suddenly very ragged. Before I could do anything, say anything, even think of anything, Brian flushed and came back out of the bathroom. Frozen on the bed with fear, I could do nothing as Jane fired into his chest.

To be concluded… 



Heaven On Earth Ch. 12



Around the time when the sun came up, Brian released me and walked into the bathroom. As he began to pee, I heard the bedroom door unlock, and Jane came in, gun and all. My heart skipped one, two beats. And my breathing was suddenly very ragged. Before I could do anything, say anything, even think of anything, Brian flushed and came back out of the bathroom. Frozen on the bed with fear, I could do nothing as Jane fired into his chest.

I didn't even have enough air in my lungs to scream. The sound of the shot rang in my ears as I watched Brian crumple and fall to the floor. I practically dove to the floor, and finally managed to put myself in a position between Brian and Jane.

"Get away from him, Evan," I barely heard Jane say in the background. My entire world was swallowed up by the terror pounding in my own chest as I gently tried to hold and cradle Brian in my arms.

Jane repeated herself, but this time, I didn't hear anything at all. Brian's eyes were fluttering as he tried to look at me. And he did. He stared right into my eyes with his dimming blue oceans. I was so lost in tears that I didn't notice his hand come up and touch the scar and my cheek. My eyes jerked open in surprise, and I became aware of the fact that he was trying to speak to me. By some strange instinct, I began to hum our song, and he smiled at me.

"I... loe yoo," he managed to sputter, "o-lee... yoo."

His hand started to go limp against my face. I held it there, trying to rub and squeeze life into it, but it was of no help. The light in Brian's eyes began to flicker and fade like two blue candles dancing in a harsh gust of wind. I bent over and touched my lips to his forehead as the last breath wheezed its way out of his lungs. With my free hand, the other still clutching his hand, I gently closed his eyelids and let him find his own path to peace. I listened to the sound of my singing soul that had started when Brian came into my life. And suddenly the sound was extinguished, replaced with the hollow echo of the emptiness that rocked my insides.

I don't know how long I was on that floor, bathing myself in the touch and raw scent of Brian's blood. I was a mess, broken and sobbing against his lifeless body. Maybe an hour passed, but maybe it was only a minute before Jane spoke again.

"It's over, Evan. Come home with me."

"My home is right here," I said in a low voice. "Right here shattered and bloody on the floor."

"I know you cared about him, but you have to let him go."

I turned to face her. The light of the dawn caught the amber necklace that I had given her, giving off a brilliant and eerie radiance. My stomach twitched at the thought of the gift. "I don't have to do anything, Jane. I didn't just care about him. In the few short weeks that I've known him, he has become everything, EVERYTHING to me. Why can't you understand that? You murdered the man I loved, and still love, more than anything else in this world. What do I have left?"

"You have me, darling, can't you understand that?"

"No, Jane. You've left me with absolutely nothing. The only reason I came with you was to do my best to keep him safe." Twin tears rolled down my cheeks before I continued. "Well, I failed at that. This was the one time when I was needed more than any other, and I failed."

"No, Evan. You're so wrong. I need you, too, and now we have all the time in the world to be together. No more distractions. No more delay. You and I begin today."

I was shouting with all the strength that I had left in my being. "There is no more time! I'm dead! You just killed my soul, so WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING GET IT OVER WITH AND KILL MY BODY!"

"You can't mean that. If only you—"

"I MEAN EVERY DAMN WORD I'VE SAID! I WILL CURSE YOUR NAME UNTIL THE DAY I DIE. SO GO AHEAD! LET'S MAKE THAT DAY TODAY!" I collapsed to my knees with an anguished wail. I looked at my blood covered hands and began to cry again. No pain was comparable to the pit that had dug itself into the core of my being.

Jane could only look at me. Even her face had begun to crack as her eyes watered and relented to the tears that clouded her vision. I knelt before her like a servant waiting to be dismissed, but I was waiting for a cruel and sadistic deliverance from the slavery that she had entrapped me in this world without Brian.

Without looking up, I heard her caulk the hammer and listened to the bullet roll into place. There was an infinite pause. I waited. And waited. And waited for the eternity that seemed to stand between me and death. 

Finally, Jane lowered her gun and said, "I can't do this, Evan. I can't do this to you because I love you too much."

"Please," I began, "I'll beg if I have to. Please, I can't live with this pain."

One gun fired, and Jane sank to the floor. "Allow me to be of some assistance," said Noah, stepping into the room. And there I was, kneeling in blood and tears between the two dead forms of the love of my life and my once best friend. Life didn't get more dramatic or more devastating.

"The bitch killed him, didn't she?"

I numbly nodded my head.

"I told her that he didn't have to die," Noah choked out, his voice wracked with emotion. "No one needed to die." He paused for a moment. "And you loved him. I know you did. And he loved you. I just wanted him to love me more. But he was always yours, kid."

Words escaped me. Noah just seemed to be lost in a trance. "He was always yours," he repeated. 

"Well, kid, I have a few more bullets. How about we both go pay him a visit?"

In that moment, I lifted my head to truly look at Noah. He looked back at me with a sympathy that I hadn't seen before. It was as if he knew what I had been robbed of because he too had lost Brian. He gave me something of a reassuring smile, and I responded with a grim shift in the lines of my mouth, though I suppose it was the best smile that I could manage. He readied the gun and fired.

***

Howdy, all. This is Erica speakin'. Evan asked me to fill in the next part of the story 'cause he wasn't exactly there. 

I came home on Wednesday after work, so I decided to pay the boys a visit. When I got to the apartment, the alarm was off and the apartment was unlocked. As paranoid as I was about the whole thang with Jane, I knew somethin' was wrong. I called Brian's cell phone, but when I heard a ringin' phone, I soon realized that it was on the couch. I tried Evan's cell phone next, but that began ringing in the bedroom. There was no note. There wasn't anything. I started to call the police, but I realized they wouldn't take my missing persons report into account because the boys hadn't been missin' for long enough. I frantically began to search the apartment for some phone number that I could call and find them at or at least get in touch with someone who may have heard from them. I found Evan's address book. Remembering Evan's sister's name, I found the entry for "Maria" and quickly called the number. 

"Hello?" a woman picked up.

"Hello, may I speak to Maria, please?"

"Speaking."

"Hi, I don't think you know me, but I'm Erica, Evan's friend."

"Yes, he talks about you a lot. You met him through Brian, right?"

"Yes," I said impatiently. "Listen, has he called you today or anything?"

"No, we're coming to see him on Saturday though. I needed to double-check that he had our arrival time."

"Well, I haven't seen him all day, and I'm here in his apartment that was left wide open."

"Where's Brian?" she asked.

"He's not here either. Both of them left their cell phones here."

"Hold on just a minute." I heard her speak to someone in the background for a minute. I sat at the bar, nervously drumming my fingers and twirling the phone cord. 

"Erica?"

"Yes!" I answered a little anxiously.

"I'm going to make flight arrangements to be there as soon as I can. You stay at the apartment, and I will meet you there as soon as I possibly can." She gave me her cell phone number so that I could reach her if anything happened. 

Knowin' that it would be quite some time before she could make it to New York all the way from California, I locked the door to the apartment and tried to make myself settle down. First I called my boss to tell him that there was a family emergency, and I wasn't going to be able to make it to work for at least tomorrow and possibly Friday. He was very understanding and told me to take the time I needed. I picked Jane's number out of the book, but there was no answer at her apartment.

I tried thinking of ways to pass the time until Maria arrived. Television and magazines and food were of no use to distract me though. My mind was set on where on Earth Evan and Brian could be. I actually didn't have to wait as long as I expected. About two hours later, there was a knock at the apartment door.

I opened the door and found myself face to face with a little couple that looked to be in their late forties to mid fifties. The man introduced them as Evan's uncle and mother as the woman pushed her way into the apartment and began frantically wailing about where her baby had gone. James, as I later learned he was named, cool and composed, explained that Maria had phoned them and told them everything that she had learned from me. I sat down with them and tried to fill in the details that Maria had left out and some of the ones that I hadn't explained to her about what had been going on in the past month. Evan's uncle listened with uncanny patience and calmness, but his mother kept interrupting with her bullshit about how Brian turned her baby gay and led him down some dangerous path. I was too worried about my boys to properly cuss the bitch out. 

We all waited around together for any news, but none came. Maria knocked on the door at about 4am, but we still hadn't heard anything. The atmosphere of the apartment was very somber; we all felt helpless and defeated, having no idea of where they could have gone or how to find them.

It wasn't until late in the morning that we finally got a phone call from the police department in Quakertown, Pennsylvania. They had received a call from a concerned neighbor who had been expecting a friend (that we later found out to be Jane's mother) and complained of several gunshot sounds coming from the house. It turned out to be the house that Jane's mother had decided to retire in after her late husband died. The police had gone in and found what they thought to be five dead bodies, but once the paramedics had arrived on the scene, they confirmed that one was still alive.

Evan.

We all piled into James' car and drove down to the hospital in Philadelphia that Evan had been taken to. He was comatose and on life support when we arrived, and the doctor was honest and said that his condition did not look promising. The police asked Maria and I to identify the bodies that they had found in the house. Maria identified Jane and her mother, and I confirmed the dead forms of Brian and Noah. The bullets found in Jane's mother and Brian matched the gun with Jane's fingerprints on it, and the bullets taken from Jane and Evan and Noah matched the gun with Noah's fingerprints on it. We made our own fairly accurate speculations of what had happened, but the truth would remain untold; all of the people involved were incapacitated or dead. The newspapers were teaming with stories and comments about the mysterious Quakertown Murders, but the only thing we could find ourselves concerned with was Evan's survival.

We managed to get in contact with Brian's parents in Boston. They were heartbroken to hear about their son, but to avoid any complications, they agreed to have the body buried in a cemetery closest to where Evan grew up. It wasn't a place that Brian had ever called home, but I think we had all begun to acquiesce to the thought that Evan was not going to pull through, and Maria, Mark, who arrived that Saturday, Brian's parents, James, who made a big stand against Evan's mother, and I agreed that Brian and Evan would want nothing other than to be buried next to each other.

The funeral for Brian was held on Monday. The arrangements and service were fairly simple. His parents didn't want a grand scale burial ceremony. When I watched them begin to lower Brian's box, I finally lost it and cried for the first time. Maria was there to help me and comfort me as we all went back to the hospital. 

Mark managed to get time off from work, and we all stayed at the hospital as much as we could with Mark and Maria sometimes having to go to the hotel room they rented so that they could take care of their kids. Usually Maria stayed at the hospital and Mark took the kids. I think he understood how much she needed to be with her brother. 

On Monday evening, Maria, James, and I were waiting in Evan's hospital room. Mark had taken Ms. McGill and the kids out for dinner. Really the rest of us needed a break from the headache that the four "children" were giving us, and Mark knew it. Maria had to love that man. I woulda been all over him like ants at a picnic if I didn't know he was married. Hell, I almost tried to put a move on him despite all that. Anyway, we had slipped into another one of our silences that had dotted the whole weekend in the hospital when we heard a noise.

By some miracle or other small work of God, Evan said, "Let me go. Let me go to him." Every single one of us heard it, but he never regained consciousness and his vital signs never changed one bit. I looked at Maria, who looked at James, who in turn looked at me. And I think we all felt the same shiver trickle down our spines. 

Once we all had time to regroup, Maria and James began to speak to Ms. McGill about letting Evan go. She fussed and fought for awhile, but they were finally able to convince her that it was for the best.

They unplugged him later that night, and he died a few hours later.

***

"Thanks for recapping that part of the story, Erica," I said. 

"Anytime, sugah," she smiled. "I'll be on my way now, but you take care."

"I know I'll be seeing you around," I said. She waved and was gone.

"Evan, are you going through these old memories again?"

I felt two warm and familiar arms hug my torso, and I melted into them like I always did. 

"Just remembering how it was that we got here, babe."

Brian pulled my body back into his own and cradled me between his legs. "I know," he began, "but don't you think you've looked at these moments in history enough?"

"I could never get enough of looking at you, Brian." I turned around in his arms to face him. "I love you, only you," I said, repeating his last words to me on Earth. 

"I love you, too, now and forever. Don't you know by now that you won't be able to get rid of me if you tried? This is Heaven, babe. We have a whole eternity together."

He leaned in to kiss me, and our lips softly met in a gentle kiss. I accidentally broke away because I simply couldn't stop myself from smiling. An eternity with Brian.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."