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God's Angel Ch. 02

By: dagan732



Gabriel worked the rest of the week and volunteered some lunch and a few hours after work. He enjoyed volunteering and feeling like he was making a difference in someone's life, helping them with a few pieces of food so that maybe they'd be able to help themselves. He also loved his new job. It was challenging making sense of what Ethan had done to the records but he was able to finish payroll and some minor accounting problems that came up in the office. Ethan was another matter. 

Gabriel tried hard not to stare too long at his boss but when Ethan stopped by his office to chat, Gabriel found it hard to concentrate. The man was truly beautiful. And Gabriel felt a little shiver up his spine every time he looked into Ethan's eyes or heard his sexy, deep voice down the hallway. It was quite a shame that he wasn't gay. 

Ethan came to Gabriel's office just before quitting time on Friday and stood in the doorway watching him work.

"It's time to go home, Gabe." Ethan said and watched the brown haired man look up from his work. "Why don't you head out?"

"I am, actually. I was going to the soup kitchen for a bit before going home."

"You don't have to. I'm sure they'd appreciate you but I just talked to them and they said they've got quite a few people down there tonight. Maybe your friend God suggested that other people volunteer too."

"Really?" Gabe said, disappointed. "What should I do?" He asked and hadn't realized he had spoke out loud.

"I was thinking about grabbing some dinner and having a drink before going home. You game?" Ethan asked and Gabe took a second to tell himself that this was a casual invitation and not a date.

"Sure. Let me grab my jacket."

They drove to across town to a little cafe which served light dinners and amazing desserts. Ethan smiled at the girl and addressed her by name.

"Hey Katie, how you doing?"

"Great, Ethan. How are you?"

"Can't complain."

"That's always good. Your usual table?" She showed them over to a table by the window and laid their menus out for them. "Cindy will be right here."

"Thanks Katie." Ethan said as they sat down.

"Come here a lot?" Gabe asked.

"What is that, like `do you come here often?'" Ethan smiled and Gabriel's face flushed.

"No! I didn't mean that. It just seemed-."

"Calm down. I'm just messing with you. Yeah, I love this place. Broke my heart when I had to sell it but the guy who bought it was really nice and he made this place something else. I think he's the best chef in the city. Have you ever been here?"

"No. First time."

"You're in for a treat." Ethan said. 

After they ordered, Ethan spoke of his life and Gabriel sat thinking how long it had been since he sat with a man and spoke this way. Just listening to someone speak of their life and interests made him feel more connected than he had since Vic had left him. Gabriel panicked. Ethan would ask him about his life which for the last couple years consisted of a park bench and he would then have to explain why he had spent so much time there. 

"So what about you?" Ethan asked and Gabriel cringed. 

"I worked for Roberts and Seymour for six years." Gabriel answered.

"I know that. What else?"

"Um.... I used to sit in the park on a bench after work."

"And?"

"And..... that's it."

"How long did you sit on the bench?"

"Oh for a couple hours a day."

"No, I mean for how long did you do this?"

"Um.... two years."

"Why?"

"Well.... that's kind of private."

"I bet it is but you just told me that you've done nothing but work and sit in the park on a bench for the last two years. That probably should be explained." Ethan said.

"Yeah." Gabe took a deep breath. "My boyfriend of seven years left me for another man. I originally starting sitting there to try and understand what had happened and it just became a habit."

"You're gay."

"Yeah."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, oh."

"Oh and is, ok? Oh as in you're fired? What does oh mean?" Gabriel asked. Ethan laughed.

"I have nothing against gay people. I was just surprised."

"Oh."

"Yeah, see. Oh." Ethan chuckled and Gabe smiled feeling more comfortable. "Don't worry about the soup kitchen either. Pastor Jack is open. He's been supporting a lesbian who's trying to become a pastor."

"That's cool." 

"Yeah, he's a good guy." Ethan nodded as their food arrived. "So, do you want to talk about the break up?"

"No thanks. There's really not much more to tell. He left me for someone else and never looked back. I guess he didn't love me as much as I loved him. We talk on the phone every so often and he sends me Christmas cards but that's been over for a while."

"He sends you Christmas cards?" Ethan asked incredulously and laughed. "What an ass! You're better off without, if you don't mind me saying so."

"I don't mind and I know. I was really hurt for a long time cause I had made him my life and then he wasn't there so I didn't feel like I had one. You can't make someone your life unless they make you theirs."

"Amen, brother!" Ethan said and lifted his drink in salute. 

"So what about you? I've never seen any woman around the office. Do you have someone special?" Gabriel realized after he said it how inappropriate that sounded. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. I take it back."

"Why shouldn't you have asked that?"

"Cause you're my boss. It's.. awkward."

"I don't mind. No, I don't have anyone special in my life just now. I had a girlfriend not too long ago but we sort of drifted apart." Ethan said in a way that Gabriel took to mean he wasn't going to say anything else.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"It's not your fault. Shit happens to good people sometimes."

"Yeah."

They ate and left the restaurant feeling satisfied as only good food can make you feel. Ethan was driving Gabriel home when they came to the park. It was lit with the occasional decorative lamps resembling the old gas fired ones. Some people were walking around the park taking advantage of the early spring night. 

"I'd like to see your bench." Ethan said.

"Why?"

"I'd like to see what had you so enthralled with that particular bench." Ethan smiled and Gabe felt his was joshing with him and smiled back.

"Self-pity had me enthralled."

"I'd still like to see."

"Park over there." Gabe pointed.

They walked through the park and came to the aforementioned bench. 

"Here it is." Gabe said. Ethan sat down on it.

"It's nice."

"It's ok. I would sit over there." He pointed to the other side and Ethan slid over.

"Here?"

"Yeah."

"And this is where you met God?"

"This is where I met someone who said he was God, yes."

"Do you see him now?" Ethan asked, his blue eyes sparkled with humor even in the dim light.

"Shut up." Gabriel said and chuckled.

"Well, it's a good bench, Gabe."

"Yeah. It helped me get over stuff but I guess I sat here too long."

"You guess?" 

"Yeah."

They were silent for a moment and Gabriel sat down when he realized Ethan wasn't ready to leave.

"Gabe?"

"Yeah?"

"How did you know you were gay?" Ethan asked looking out over the park.

"Well, I guess I just noticed that I was more attracted to men than to woman."

"When did you know?"

"I knew when I was first kissed by a man. I had kissed girls in high school but when I kissed my first man, there were fireworks. I forgot what I was thinking about and everything around me got blurry. I felt my heart racing and something inside me just said `this is it. This is right.'"

Ethan nodded considering Gabe's words. 

"Why do you ask?" Gabe asked and Ethan chuckled.

"The reason my ex girlfriend and I.... drifted apart was because I was attracted to her brother."

"Oh." Gabe said.

"Yeah."

"Did she know?"

"No, but I couldn't keep telling her I was happy when I wasn't." Ethan admitted quietly.

"No, that wouldn't have been good." Gabe said, feeling his heart racing.

"Could I ask you for a favor?" Ethan began.

"Um.... yeah."

"It's sort of difficult since you work for me."

"Uh huh?"

"Could I kiss you?" Ethan asked and looked up for the first time. Gabe saw a watery sheen in the bright, beautiful eyes and knew he was scared, nervous, unsure of himself.

"Yes." Gabe said.

Ethan leaned in slowly as if giving them both time to run but Gabe wasn't going anywhere. He leaned in slowly as well and closed his eyes. Ethan's lips pressed against his and moved lightly, slowly opening and closing again on Gabe's. Gabe saw fireworks. The world blurred, his heart raced and something inside him said `he is it. He is right.' Then Ethan pulled back and everything returned to normal, but Gabe's heart still raced. 

"We should go." Ethan said and stood up, not waiting for Gabe who had to rush to catch up. They rode back to Gabriel's apartment and Ethan stopped the truck just outside.

"Ethan, I think we should talk."

"I'd rather not. Could you just not mention this. I'm sorry it happened, Gabe. It won't happen again. I'll see you at work on Monday."

"Ok Ethan." Gabe said and stepped out of the truck and watched it drive off. 

The weekend was a confusing one for Gabe and so he did what he always does. He sat on the park bench and thought. He thought of the kiss and his reaction. He thought of the kiss and Ethan's reaction. Both were confusing and cause for concern as far as Gabe saw. The problem was he didn't know what Ethan had felt or what he was thinking.

"Having problems I see." God observed as he sat down on the bench.

"I'm really not in the mood."

"To have problems? Problems come whether you're in the mood or not. They just kind of happen."

"Well, I'm not in the mood to deal with you today." 

"Most people aren't. They go about their lives, deal with their problems on their own. I just sit here waiting for people to ask for help."

"I'm sure someone somewhere is asking for God's help." Gabe said feeling annoyed.

"They are. I've got them covered. No offense but most people's problems aren't too hard for me to deal with. I mean, I did create the universe after all."

"You want applause?"

"A thank you now and again wouldn't hurt." God chuckled. 

"Thanks. Now can you go?"

"You really want me to?" God asked and Gabe leaned back against the park bench and was unable to say no. "Why don't you tell me what's going on?"

"Don't you know?"

"Of course I do."

"Then why should I tell you?"

"Because you're not sure what's going on. It'll help if you say it out loud."

"That's convenient."

"Well, if you don't believe I'm God anyway, what will it hurt?"

"Fine. Ethan and I had dinner last night and we came here so he could see my bench and then he asked me when I knew I was gay and I told him that I knew since I kissed a man for the first time and he asked me to kiss him and then he left." 

"Ah."

"That's all you have to say about it."

"Wow?" God asked. "Which reaction would you like me to have?"

"See, this is what I'm not in the mood for." Gabe said and stood up.

"Sit down, Gabriel."

"Why?"

"Cause I'm not finished yet." Gabe sat. "Do you remember what it was like before you came out?"

"Yeah. I was nervous that everyone would find out or knew already."

"And you were afraid of what your parents would think."

"Yeah."

"So why can't you see a possible motivation for Ethan's actions here?"

"Are you saying that Ethan is worried about coming out?"

"I'm not saying Ethan is worried about anything. That's between him and I. I'm talking to you. I'm asking why you can't see how someone, who may be going through the same thing you did, is feeling? That seems a little insensitive to me." God said.

"But he knows I'm gay. He knows that I would accept him."

"I'm sure he does."

"Then why would you tell me that?"

"Because you know why he reacted the way he did. All you have to do is remember. Think about the things you've been through in your own life. How you reacted to things. Maybe you'll come up with something." God said and stood to leave. "If you'll excuse me, I've got something to take care of in Madagascar."

God patted Gabriel on the head as if he were a little boy. "I have faith in you, kid. You'll figure it out." He turned and walked off.

Gabe sat on the bench thinking over his earlier conversation with God but found he didn't understand what he had been talking about. He left the bench and the park and went to the soup kitchen to help out. He figured he might as well help out someone else with their problems then get back in the habit of obsessing over his. 

"Gabriel! How nice to see you again." Pastor Jack said coming from behind the kitchen counter. "How have you been?"

"I've been fine, Pastor Jack. How are you?"

"I'm good, thanks. Since you've shown up eight more volunteers have joined us. I think God has answered our prayers."

"I'm sure he has, Pastor." Gabe debated on continuing but decided to take a chance. "Pastor, a friend mentioned that you might be.... accepting of gay people."

"Your friend is right. I see no reason for a person to be shamed because of who they love."

"I just wanted to mention that I was. Gay, that is. I'm gay." Gabe said feeling awkward.

"God loves you, Gabe. Churches get that confused. Have you ever been wrong about something but were so sure you were right?" The Pastor asked and Gabe thought of a similar conversation he had with God.

"Yes."

"Sometimes churches get things wrong too." He said, patted Gabe's arm and returned to the kitchen.

Gabe spent his Sunday evening helping out at the shelter before, closing up and heading home. He sat down in his apartment and tried for the life of him to figure out what God had been trying to say. He thought of his life, of his reactions and could see nothing similar to what Ethan had done. Thinking of Ethan just made Gabe depressed and feeling a little dejected. He went to bed hoping tomorrow would be a better day.

It wasn't. Gabe walked in and saw Jess the receptionist frowning away as she typed furiously on her computer. She was usually so cheerful in the mornings.

"What's wrong, Jess?"

"Ethan." She whispered. "He's in a foul mood. He's yelling at everyone for any little thing. You should just go in and hide in your office."

"Ethan? Yelling?" Gabe was shocked. He didn't think Ethan had it in him to yell much less be unreasonable.

"Yeah. Now go, or he's going to yell at us for talking."

This was something Gabe had to see and just as he opened the door to his office, Ethan's raised voice came from down the hall.

"I can't believe this!! What do I pay you people for?! You just screw everything up anyway I might as well do it myself!" 

Gabe stepped back into the hallway and saw Ethan storm out of one of the project managers office. Ethan saw Gabe and frowned.

"What the hell are you looking at?"

"Nothing." Gabe answered.

"Then get to work!" Ethan spun around and headed back to his office, leaving Gabe to enter his and close the door.

Not much work got done while Gabe was thinking over Ethan's recent behavior. He finally decided that he would talk with him during lunch. At noon, Gabe went to Ethan's office but found it empty. 

"He's finally gone, thank God!" Liz said from behind Gabe.

"Where did he go?"

"In a fit like that no one cares! It's better that he's not here. He probably had a fight with a new girlfriend." She said and headed back to her own office.

The week plodded on and Ethan rarely made an appearance at the office. Gabe started leaving his door open in the hopes of seeing him pass by but Ethan seemed to come in and out without his noticing. Gabe finally managed to catch him in the office and drummed up the courage to have a word with him.

"Ethan? You have a minute?" Gabriel said, and stepped into his boss' office.

"No. I really have to get to a meeting right now, Gabe. If it's something important discuss it with Bob." Ethan said and put his jacket on to leave. At least he was being civil these days if a little curt and abrupt.

"It is important and I can't talk about it with Bob, Ethan. Or at least you wouldn't want me to." Gabe said trying to joke. Ethan's face darkened and he stepped up to Gabe face to face. 

"Is that a threat?" Ethan whispered.

"No, Ethan, it isn't like that. I just want to-."

"You say something like that again to anyone, even me, and I'll fire your ass quicker than you can see unemployment. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Ethan." Gabe whispered. Ethan stormed out of the office and didn't return for the next two days. 

Gabe finished work on Friday and turned off his computer. He missed Ethan coming to his office and reminding him that it was time to go home or asking him if he wanted to get something to eat. He missed Ethan. Gabe sighed and called down to the soup kitchen to find out that they had enough staff and though he would be welcome they didn't need him. He begged off saying he wasn't feeling well and headed home. 

A coffee shop on his way caught his eye and he stopped in for a caffeine kick. He took his drink to a comfy chair and grabbed an interesting looking book and figured he while away a few hours before heading to his empty apartment. It wasn't long before he felt that he was being watched. A man about his age was sitting across from him and not hiding the fact that he was staring.

"I know you, don't I?" The stranger asked.

"Um... I don't think so."

"No, I do. Are you from around here?"

"Yeah, I grew up here." Gabe said and tried to remember the man.

"Gabriel."

"Yeah."

"Gabriel Lennox." The stranger smiled. "I had such a crush on you."

"Who are you?" Gabe asked. The man got up and took the empty seat next to him.

"Darren Murry. You don't remember me?"

"I do now." Gabe smiled. "Wow, it's been years! How are you?"

"I'm good. I'm in town visiting my parents for a few days. How are you?"

"I'm good, thanks." 

They spoke of the old days and what they had been up to since they both attended the local high school. Gabe remembered there was something special about Darren but couldn't remember what it was.

"So you're a C.P.A. now?" Darren asked.

"Yeah. I work over at Northeast Products Group. I just started there but I'm getting paid more than I did at Roberts and Seymour."

"God, it's been such a long time since high school. Did you ever think we'd be doing this shit? You a C.P.A., me an Insurance salesman? Don't tell my boyfriend but I still remember our kiss."

"What?"

"You were my first kiss and you said you'd never kissed another man either, so I guess that makes me yours. Or were you just lying, big slut?" Darren laughed.

"That was you?"

"Bitchy much? God, you don't even remember me, do you?"

"No, I do. I just didn't remember that it was with you." Gabe said apologetically.

"I'm not surprised. You ran screaming like that building was on fire."

"I did not!"

"Close enough. You wouldn't even talk to me for the rest of senior year. I was crushed but I got over you." Darren laughed. 

"I'm sorry." Gabe said.

"Don't worry about it. That was a hundred years ago. I'm just happy I got to see you! We should stay in touch. Do the email thing and shit."

"Yeah, definitely." They wrote down their information and as Gabe was finishing his he heard Darren gasp.

"Damn, that's nice. God, sometimes I wish I were single." Gabe looked up to see who he was talking about and saw Ethan come in. Ethan looked over at the two of them, frowned, and went to get his coffee.

"Friend of yours?" Darren asked.

"No. He's my boss."

"Oh shit. I'm sorry, Dude. You want me to leave? I can be a little over the top."

"No, he knows I'm gay." Gabe said and watched Ethan leave without saying a word.

"Wow. You should do something about that seriously fast."

"What do you mean?" Gabe asked.

"He's pissed that you're here with me. I mean it was obvious."


God's Angel Ch. 02



"No, Ethan's not like that."

"Yeah, right. He might be in the closet but that doesn't mean anything. He was seriously jealous that we were here together." Gabe was silent thinking of Darren's assessment of Ethan's behavior. "Well, I'd love to stay and chat but I have to go pick my boyfriend up from the airport. It's his first time meeting the parents. Wish me luck! We should get together before we leave on Thursday. Give me a call." 

Gabe promised he would and hugged Darren goodbye. He sat in the coffee shop till they closed and made his way home stopping off at his park bench on the way. 

"Did you get it yet or do I have to draw you a picture?" Gabe looked up and saw God sitting there. 

"Ethan's upset?"

"Is he? Why would Ethan be upset?"

"Cause he saw Darren and I in the coffee shop?"

"Are you asking or telling me?" God chuckled. "I can't give you answers. That'd be cheating. I can only point you in certain directions."

"Well, what was all that `think of your own reactions' stuff?" Gabe asked. "I've been over my entire life and can't think of anything that would have any relevance."

"Darren seems nice. Known him long?"

"Yeah, since we went to high school. He's the first guy I kiss-." Gabe paused.

"He's the first guy you kissed? And what was your reaction to that?" God asked.

"I ran screaming." Gabe said.

"You ran screaming." God agreed.

"He ran screaming?" Gabe asked.

"Why don't you go find out?" God smiled and Gabe took off running. "You're welcome!" God shouted after him.

Gabe ran until he realized that he had no idea where Ethan lived. But he did have payroll stubs even Ethan Rockafeller's and they had the address printed right on them. Gabe ran to the office and was surprised to see one or two lights still on. He used his key to open the door and made his way down the hallway. He was again surprised to see the light on in Ethan's office. He pushed open the door to see Ethan behind his desk going over papers.

"What are you doing here?" Gabe asked. Ethan jumped.

"God! Gabe, what are you trying to do, scare the shit out of me?" Ethan yelled. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"That's what I asked you. What are you doing here?"

"I've got some stuff to finish up. What are you doing here?"

"I was coming to get your address."

"My address? Why do you need my address?" Ethan asked.

"Cause I want to talk to you and you've been avoiding me."

"I really don't want to talk, Gabe. Just go home."

"No. I'm not going home. We're talking about this and we're talking about this now!" Gabe said forcefully and sat down in the chair in front of Ethan's desk. "I want to know what's going on with you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you kissed me, ran away, and have been in the worst mood I've ever seen you in."

"We've only known each other for two weeks, Gabe."

"Granted, but something's going on and I want to know what it is." 

"Listen, it's got nothing to do with you so just drop it all right?" Ethan said. Gabe nodded thinking of his answer and stood to walk around the desk.

"Then prove it."

"Prove what?"

"Prove it's got nothing to do with me."

"How am I supposed to do that?" Ethan asked, obviously uncomfortable with Gabe being so close. Gabe felt his hands shaking and realized that he was sexually harassing his boss and this could very well get him fired.

"Kiss me." Gabe said. Ethan looked away, refusing to answer. "Kiss me again. Or are you not man enough to do it?"

That was a bit much, Gabe thought, especially seeing the look come over Ethan's face. Ethan stood and finally turned to Gabe. He quickly put his hands on Gabe's shoulders and pulled him into a fast and hard kiss. It was over before it had even begun and Ethan released Gabe just as quickly.

"Good enough?" Ethan grumbled and Gabe lowered his head and hoped he looked defeated.

"Yeah. I'm sorry. I guess I just got some funny thoughts in my head. Wow Ethan, I'm sorry. I feel like an ass." Gabe said and put his face in his hands.

"Don't. It's all right." Ethan said, feeling bad.

"Look, can we forget all this and just be friends?" Gabe said and held out his hand. 

"Sure." Ethan said and took the offered hand.

Gabe pulled Ethan forward and met his lips while wrapping his other arm around him. His lips nipped and sucked at Ethan's until he felt Ethan nipping and sucking back. He pushed a little closer and slipped his tongue into Ethan's mouth. He felt the man jump a little but then deepen the kiss himself. They ran their tongues against each others and Gabe heard Ethan moan softly. It seemed like forever before they separated and Gabe saw Ethan's eyes still closed and his lips puffy from being kissed. Ethan opened his eyes.

"That wasn't fair, Gabe." He said softly.

"No. It wasn't. I'm sorry."

"Is this just a game to you?" Ethan asked.

"What do you mean?"

"You were with that guy in the coffee shop and now you're here kissing me. What's that?" 

"The guy at the coffee shop is a friend I've known for years. He's on his way to the airport at the moment to pick up his boyfriend. There's nothing going on between us. We just happened to be in the same place at the same time. He's the first boy I kissed. That's why I came to see you. I knew how you were feeling and why you were scared and ran away."

"I didn't run away!" Ethan said, insulted.

"You ran big time." Gabe nodded. "You wouldn't even let me talk to you about it."

"What do you want me to say?!" Ethan yelled.

"I want you to tell me how you feel!" Gabe yelled back. "Tell me how the kiss made you feel! Tell me anything!"

"It scares me!" 

"All right! Good. That's something. What else?" Ethan didn't answer. "You have to say something." Ethan didn't respond.

"All right, I'll go first." Gabe started. "When you kiss me, I feel my heart race. Everything seems blurry and we could be standing in the middle of a crowd or be the only two people on earth. How's that?"

No answer. Gabe nodded. 

"All right, maybe you're not ready. If I pushed too fast, I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know how I feel. I'll leave you alone."

Gabe started for the door but Ethan's voice stopped him.

"When you kiss me.... my heart beats really fast and strong. I feel like I could do anything and even if I messed up... it would be ok. I hear a little voice in my head saying `this is right'."

Gabe turned around and Ethan was standing before him looking so very vulnerable. He took him into his arms and squeezed tightly. 

"I missed you, Ethan."

"I missed you too, Gabe. I don't know how but you've come to mean a lot to me in a very short time."

"I know what you mean."

"So, what do we do now?"

"Fuck if I know." Gabe said and Ethan chuckled.

"I thought you knew all about this gay shit?" 

"I don't know anything. I'm just doing the best I can. A really great guy told me that'd be enough." Gabe said and smiled. 

"Great guy, huh? He sounds like a shmuck." 

"He has his moments." Ethan laughed. "Why don't we go get some late night take out, head back to my apartment and figure it out from there?"

"Sounds good." Ethan smiled and grabbed his jacket. 

The picked up chinese food and sat eating it on the floor in front of the t.v. watching an old sci-fi movie. They found they both had a love of cheesy sci fi. As unbelievable tin robots and rubbery looking monsters plagued the heroes Ethan and Gabe talked and teased and shared chinese food and shared greasy kisses. 

"Come on! Wasn't that guy the extra who died about twenty minutes ago?" Ethan shouted. Gabe laughed. 

"You're so surprised at the bad acting and bad directing when it's a B movie. That's what makes it a B movie."

"I know, but it's like they don't even try! Look at that! The eye just fell off the monster!"

"Here, have an egg roll. You'll feel better. Besides at least it's dead."

"Yeah, that should count for something." Ethan said, chewing on his egg roll and watching the credits.

"You know, I have the Angry Red Planet." Gabe said.

"Do you really?! I haven't seen that in years!" He laughed, then checked his watch. "But it's late. I should probably be getting home."

Gabe nodded and hoped that it was regret that he heard in Ethan's voice.

"You could stay here." Gabe offered. Ethan waited for Gabe to lift his head before answering.

"You sure?"

"Yeah."

"Gabe, I don't know what's going on with me at the moment. I mean, I'm getting used to being able to admit to myself that I'm gay."

"What are you saying, Ethan?"

"I'm saying I don't want to hurt you." 

"You like me?" Gabe asked.

"Yeah, I do. A lot."

"I like you too. A lot. Neither one of us can promise that we'll never hurt each other. You can stay or go if you like, but I'm hoping you'll stay."

Ethan pulled Gabe into his arms and kissed him long and deep.

"I'll have to get up early so I can run home and change." He said and smiled. Gabe smiled back.

They held hands as they walked into the bedroom. Gabe could feel Ethan's nervousness as they sat on the bed.

"I've never done this, Gabe."

"You've never had sex?" Gabe asked.

"No, wise ass. I've never had sex with a man."

"Well, it's basically the same."

"With some pretty big differences." Ethan added.

"Don't worry, Ethan. I'll show you what you need to know." Gabe said and leaned in to take Ethan's mouth with his lips. They undressed down to their underwear and laid in the bed next to each other. Ethan's hands were running up and down Gabe's body.

"You like?"

"Yeah. Very much." 

Gabe saw that the evidence of Ethan's desire was evident through his boxers. He moved his hand down and took Ethan's boxers off. His large cock flapped back and slapped his stomach. Gabe slipped his own boxers off and pressed their bodies up against each other. They kissed and languished over the feeling of being together. Gabe picked up his head to look in Ethan's eyes.

"I want to taste you." He said and saw Ethan's approval written on his face.

Gabe kissed his way down Ethan's body until he came to his cock. He took it in his hand feeling the weight and silkiness of it. He kissed the large tip and licked underneath the head. Ethan moaned encouraging Gabe to take him into his mouth. He sucked Ethan and rolled his tongue around his hard dick making moan and thrash about. 

"Oh God, Gabe. I'm gonna cum." Ethan said and Gabe sat up. 

"Not yet, you're not." He said and pulled a condom and lube from the bedside table. "You want to?" 

"Are you sure?" Ethan asked hopefully.

"Yeah." Gabe said and opened the condom to slide it over Ethan's dick. He put some lube on the hard shaft and some in his before straddling Ethan's hips. Gabe lowered himself and felt Ethan meet the outer portion of his ass. The thick cock felt so good on his body. He lowered himself further still and felt Ethan slip inside his body. The pain was severe for a second and he tried to let himself relax.

"Gabe, are you ok?" Ethan said, torn between loving the feeling of his body and hurting over causing him pain.

"I'm good. It just takes a minute to get used to it." Gabe said and waited till he was ready. He started moving and paid close attention to Ethan's face as it displayed his pleasure. If he sped up Ethan's eyes seemed to roll in the back of his head. Gabe slowed and sped up his pace enjoying the feeling of the large cock in his ass just as he enjoyed Ethan's reactions. 

Ethan took Gabe's hips in his hands and kept his pace quick. His breathing was ragged and his heart felt like it would beat out of his chest. Finally he was ready and grabbed Gabe, lifting and turning him to throw him on the bed. Ethan lifted Gabe's legs and knelt in front of his ass to resume pounding the hot ass in front of him. `He's so tight!', Ethan thought as he thrust his hips deep inside. 

"Fuck me, Ethan!" Gabe repeated.

"I will, baby. I'll fuck you good." Ethan promised then leaned over Gabe to kiss his mouth. After a few moments of rocking, Ethan lifted a little to look into Gabe's face.

"I'm going to cum, baby." 

"Cum inside me, Ethan!" Gabe shouted and felt Ethan pound into him relentlessly. 

"I'm cumming, Gabe!" Ethan shouted and Gabe felt the cock inside him swell and thicken. He found his own release at the same time, shooting his load all over Ethan's chest. 

The two collapsed against each other, catching their breath and enjoying the feeling. Ethan chuckled.

"What's funny?" Gabe asked.

"Nothing. Everything. I don't know. I just feel... great." He said with a large grin on his face.

"I know. I feel wonderful." He said and ran his fingers through Ethan's hair. 

"We should probably get cleaned up, huh?" 

"I don't want to move."

"Come on." Ethan said and hauled Gabe to his feet. 

They washed in the bathroom and came back to lay in the bed. Ethan wrapped an arm around Gabe and pulled him back to his chest. 

"This is nice. Is this another gay thing?" Ethan asked.

"Excellent cuddling? Not really. I happen to be an expert at it."

"Well, than I'm a lucky man."

"I'd say we're both pretty lucky men."

"Guess you could say that we're pretty lucky men who got even luckier tonight." Ethan chuckled.

"I guess you could say that."

"Good night, Gabe." 

"Good night, Ethan."



God's Angel Ch. 03



The next day at work, both Ethan and Gabriel had secret smiles on their faces through the day. It was a quiet sort of happiness that pervaded the office replacing the anxiety Ethan's foul mood of last week had wrought. They didn't spend more time together than any other day but when they did there was a definite electricity between them. They both kept it professional and friendly to keep it discrete rather than have the entire office talking about them at the water cooler. Gabriel left for his noon ritual of grabbing lunch and working at the church and had just stepped out of the office when Ethan came running up behind him.

"Hey, heading down to St. Andrews?" Ethan asked. 

"Yeah, I was going to grab lunch first." Gabe said, feeling a spike of joy through his chest with Ethan's presence.

"Mind if I tag along?" Ethan asked, smiling.

"Not at all." Gabe said, grinning back. 

They took Ethan's truck and stopped at a little deli to grab and split a roast beef sub with swiss and horseradish. They arrived at the soup kitchen and served lunch to quite a few people but obviously less than usual. Gabe and Ethan went to ask Pastor Jack of the absence of so many people. He was watching the t.v. that was in the corner of the hall.

"Pastor Jack, where is everybody?" Ethan asked. "There should be a lot more people here."

"Isn't wonderful? A new factory just opened up downtown and the owner stopped in the other day asking anyone who was interested if they'd like to apply. He hired about fifty or sixty people that used to come in. We've only some of the homeless and the mentally unstable left. I think we can manage those numbers."

"That is wonderful." Gabe agreed. "Why did he come here looking for workers?"

"Oh, he said someone suggested that he might look here for people who needed jobs. Thank God, he did."

"Yeah," Gabe said, thinking of what Ethan had once said about coincidences. "Thank God."

Pastor Jack had looked back to the television which was showing a news report. The sound was down but the video showed pictures of a small city that seemed in ruins. 

"What happened?" Ethan asked.

"An earthquake in Madagascar. It was seven point three and devastated most of the buildings there. I sometimes wish I was young again and could do more missionary work. Those poor people. God be with them."

Gabe thought of the man who called himself God and how he had mentioned Madagascar not too long ago. They finished off the lunch hour, returned to work and finished off the day. Ethan offered Gabe a ride home and they picked up some food for dinner planning on watching more cheesy movies. Gabe was quiet as they ate thinking of what he had seen on the television earlier. 

"What's on your mind?" Ethan asked.

"Huh? Oh, I was thinking about the earthquake in Madagascar." 

"Yeah. I donated a little to the relief aid. Sometimes I agree with Pastor Jack. How cool would it be to just get out there and help people in the middle of the worst time in their life?"

"It would be cool." Gabe agreed. "I'm not too used to thinking about other people's problems. I got in a bad habit and only thought about my own for a while."

"It happens, Gabe. Don't beat yourself up over it."

"I should, though. Or at least I should start putting myself out there and seeing what I can do. You know?"

"You're doing fine, kiddo." Ethan smiled. "You're helping out at the church and doing the books for them now. Start off small and see what you can handle. We're not the only two people in the world who needs to realize that we can make a difference by helping."

"No, we're not." Gabe smiled into Ethan's blue eyes. He was a truly compassionate man, beautiful on the in and the outside.

"You mind if I take a few minutes? I'd like to go for a walk." Gabe asked.

"Oh. Ok. You want me to leave?" 

"No. Definitely not. I'd just like to go... somewhere."

"Where do you want to go?"

"I'd like to go talk to God."

Ethan gave Gabe a funny look and then nodded. "Ok. I'll be here when you get back."

Gabe smiled and headed off to the park bench. He didn't have to wait long.

"You're back." God said, matter-of-factly.

"Yeah. Tell me about Madagascar."

"Madagascar is a small island country which was once a part of the mainlands of African and India during the-."

"The earthquake." Gabe interrupted.

"What about it?"

"You knew about it."

"Yes."

"How?"

"It's sort of like those movies where there's a piano being lifted to the top of a building by a small, thin rope and it's fraying. The people underneath are completely unaware of the impending disaster. I'm not."

"That's not an answer." Gabe said.

"I'm not answerable to you." God sighed. "Every little thing that happens in the world, from a mosquito's decision to fly left instead of right, to an earthquake in Madagascar cannot be changed. There's a natural progression that must be followed. All I can do is be there to help pick up the pieces."

"I don't understand it. How a God could let something like that happen. So many people dead, so many lives destroyed."

"People die all the time. Why is it more horrible if many die at once than many over a space of time? Why is it more horrible that many die than just one, for that matter? Is the one not just as precious as each of the many?"

"That's not what I'm saying."

"That exactly what you're saying. You're saying that Madagascar's earthquake which killed 48,492 people is more important that the death of Tilly Waterman." 

"Who's Tilly Waterman?" Gabe asked, and frowned as the name sounded familiar.

"A little old woman who lived three doors down from your aunt. They used to play bridge on Thursdays."

"I know her. She used to wear the little blue hat with the dirty fake flowers in it." Gabe said, regretting her death and the fact that he had not know.

"Yes. She had a stroke last week and died the other night."

"I'm sorry." Gabe said.

"It's admirable to honor the dead, reliving their memories but who are you sorry for? Her? Don't be. Her souls is at rest."

"What does that mean to be at rest?" Gabe asked.

"Being at rest means having no suffering, no pain, no want or desire, no questions or unsatisfactory answers. It means being infused with truth, filled with wisdom and brimming with love. It's just easier to say that Tilly Waterman is `at rest'." God let Gabe take his words in. "But why are you here asking me all these hard questions when you don't believe I'm God? Isn't that like asking a blind man what the color blue looks like?" 

Gabe didn't answer.

"Here's another question. Why are you here when you have a fine, young man back at your apartment waiting for you?"

"I don't know. I wanted to know how you knew about Madagascar." Gabe answered.

"That could have waited for another more appropriate time. Isn't it time, Gabe, that you start paying attention to how your feeling and figuring out what your own motives are? You might try being honest with yourself."

"Honest about what?"

"Why you're here wasting time asking a crazy old man who thinks he's God why the world turns when you could be back at home with Ethan. It's a fair question, don't you think? I mean, I applaud your steps toward enlightenment but I think you still have a little learning left to do in the mundane world."

"He scares me." Gabe answered honestly.

"Yes, I know."

"He's wonderful. I really like him a lot and he hasn't even told anyone that he's gay. What kind of relationship can we have when he's not ready to be honest with people? How can I fall in love with someone I can't even tell anyone about?"

"How can you love someone who you can't rely on to be there for you?" God added.

"Yeah." 

"These are much more appropriate questions." God sighed and stared at the stars for a moment before Gabe realized he wasn't going to answer.

"Well?" 

"Oh, no son. These are your questions and they'll only be answered by your heart."

"That's such a cop out." Gabe scoffed.

"Is it? You've loved and lost. That's never easy. The human heart has an incredible capacity for love but also feels so much pain when it's lost. It heals and things that do never heals the same way. Some are more fragile, some are stronger for it. Love is a risk. Perhaps you can be there for Ethan now and help him find his way. Let him see your love and learn from it. While you're helping him it might just be that he helps you too."

God stood. 

"But go home, Gabriel. Stop running away from things and stand and be yourself. You're an amazing person and I love you. But go home." God walked away. 

Gabe opened his apartment door and found Ethan asleep on the couch watching MST3K. He looked so cute with his head against the arm rest and an afghan Gabe's aunt had knitted pulled over him. He stared into Ethan's sleeping face wondering if he would have the strength to open his heart to this man. 

"Ethan." Gabe whispered, hesitant to wake him up. Ethan jerked and opened his eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"That's all right. My fault. I was out for a while."

"You have a good conversation with God?"

"Um... yeah. It was... interesting as usual." Gabe said taking a seat next to Ethan on the couch.

"Did he mention me?"

"Actually, yeah he did."

"He did?" Ethan smiled. "What did he say?"

"He said that you were a `fine young man' and I should be here with you instead of asking him questions."

"How did he know I was here?" 

"I don't know. He knows stuff. He probably saw your truck outside. I don't know." Gabe said shaking his head.

"That's creepy." Ethan said. "Unless he's God, then it's all right. But if he's just some old guy watching us.... yeah, that's just creepy."

"Yeah." Gabe agreed.

"So you don't really think this guy is God, do you?" Gabe didn't answer for a minute. "Gabe?"

"No. No, I don't. It's just, I can't figure out how he seems to know some things. Besides, I thought you were all for it. In the soup kitchen you were telling me how God could come and talk to someone just cause he wanted to. Now you seem like you don't believe him."

"I guess I believe it's possible but have to admit that I think it's highly unlikely."

"Yeah. I guess that's how I feel too." Gabe said and felt a little disappointed that he had finally decided that man in the park was not God but simply a crazy old guy.

"Hey," Ethan said and lifted Gabe's chin. "If he is God coming down to talk to someone I think he picked a great person."

Gabe smiled. "You really think so?"

"I do." Ethan said, smiling back and kissed Gabe's lips. 

Gabe wrapped his arms around Ethan and pulled him on top of him as he fell back against the couch. He grabbed Ethan's shirt and pulled it up over his head, who returned the favor and removed the one Gabe was wearing. They started on each other's pants and were soon naked on top of each other, kissing and pressing their bodies as close together as possible. Gabe's eyes drifted closed as he felt Ethan move on top of him, lowering himself to take Gabe's cock tentatively in his mouth. 

"Ethan." Gabe sighed. 

The feeling of his lover's mouth on his cock had Gabe melting and running his hands through Ethan's hair as he was sucked and brought to the edge over and over again. It was a spectacular kind of torture where one was left hoping that it would end and praying that it never would. Gabe pulled Ethan up to him and took his mouth with his as he laid Ethan down on his back and took the top. 

Gabe smiled at Ethan and made his way to his crotch to give him the beautiful pleasure that he had experienced. Gabe played and sucked, nipped and licked, blew and cupped till Ethan was begging to be inside him. 

"You wanna be inside me, huh?" Gabe asked, seductively. "Well come and get it." He said and ran into the bedroom. Ethan jumped up and followed quickly, his erect penis swinging and slapping as he ran. He jumped on the bed and pulled Gabe underneath him.  

"You're going to let me, baby?" Ethan asked, smiling.

"Maybe. I haven't decided yet." Gabe teased, though they both knew it would happen.

"You want me to beg?"

"You've already done that." Gabe said, feeling powerful and sexy and wanted.

"Yeah, I have. Now it's your turn to beg." Ethan said, sucked on a finger and lowered his hand to find Gabe's ass. He slipped the finger inside and slowly moved it in and out. Gabe's eye lids lowered as he felt Ethan get him ready. Another finger slipped in and Gabe felt himself widen as he spread his legs further apart. Yet another finger was slid inside and Gabe moaned. 

"That's it, baby. What do you want?" Ethan whispered.

"I want you." Gabe answered.

"What do you want me to do to you?" Ethan asked.

"I want you to fuck me." Gabe moaned.

"Soon, baby. Shhh, just feel it." Ethan continued until Gabe was thrashing, moaning and begging for his cock.

"Please, Ethan. Now!"

"All right, baby. I'll give it to you." 

Ethan grabbed a condom and lube from the bedside night stand and got himself ready. He put the head of his dick against Gabe and pushed and withdrew as he stared into Gabe's eyes. Gabe lifted his legs and wrapped them around Ethan's hips. One squeeze had Ethan's cock fully imbedded in Gabe's ass. They both cried out, Ethan in pleasure, Gabe in pleasure mixed with a bit of pain. They kissed as they waited for Gabe's muscles to relax. 

"You're so tight." Ethan said and Gabe chuckled.

"You're so big." Gabe said and Ethan smiled.

"Do you mind?"

"No. Not at all. I love the feeling of you inside me."

"Are you ready?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah." Gabe smiled and Ethan started moving. 

The two moved together and separated, returned and pulled apart all the while joined in giving the other pleasure. Ethan rested his forehead on Gabe's as he thrusted into him and pulled out. Their breathing came ragged and their muscles strained as they met and released. Gabe felt Ethan's fullness within him and his strength over him. He smiled as he stared at his lovers face, sweating with eyes closed in concentration. Ethan opened his eyes and looked down at Gabe to smile back. Gabe thought about asking Ethan to go faster and just as he thought it, Ethan sped up his pace. 

"Like that, babe?" Ethan asked as if Gabe had spoken. 

"Oh yeah, that's good." He said and felt the need to have Ethan deeper. He lifted his legs higher on Ethan's body. 

"God, that feels so good." Ethan said and pumped faster still. "You feel so good."

Gabe raised his ass off the bed to meet Ethan's thrusts and was rewarded with heartfelt moans of pleasure and appreciation. Ethan wrapped his arms around Gabe's body and grabbed his shoulders with his hands. Gabe felt Ethan pull his body into him with every muscle in his body as he slammed his cock into Gabe's ass. 

"I'm going to cum, baby." Ethan whispered in Gabe's ear.

"Me too, Ethan." Gabe answered.

Ethan groaned as he pounded Gabe into the bed in search of their release. Gabe let his head drop back and closed his eyes shut as he took Ethan's body. The first waves built up and rushed out in each of their bodies, changing into spasms which shook them both. Ethan yelled out as Gabe clenched and moaned only to fall onto the bed, spent and drained. They both caught their breath and felt their muscles screaming from their exertion only to be dulled by the sublime feeling of afterglow. 

"That was amazing." Gabe said, when he was able to speak.

"Yeah." Ethan said, eyes closed and grinning. "Next time you speak to God thank him for sex, will you?"

"Sure." Gabe chuckled. "I guess I'll have to thank him for making you so good at it too."

"Oh yeah?" One of Ethan's eyes opened lazily. "You think I'm good?"

"Definitely." Gabe said.

"You're pretty awesome yourself, baby." Ethan said and pulled Gabe close for long, slow kiss. 

"Can you stay tonight?" Gabe found himself asking.

"Yeah. I was hoping to." 

"Good."

The next day Ethan left early to go home and change before work and Gabe had breakfast before leaving for the office himself. He was at work for a few hours before Ethan showed up and noticed that he was frowning and didn't even look into his office as he passed. He felt concerned but didn't want to crowd Ethan and thought he'd bring it up later in the day. Noon came quickly, Gabe thought, when you were happy and feeling well loved from the night before. He closed up his computer and was about to head out to the soup kitchen when Ethan stopped in.

"Heading out?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah. I was going to go get some lunch and probably go down to St. James' after."

"They don't need anyone today, I checked. I was wondering if you wanted to grab lunch with me?" Ethan asked and Gabe could tell there was something on his mind.

"Sure." 

They jumped in the truck and made their way down to the deli that had become their default lunch stop. Gabe ordered a tuna sandwich but Ethan just got himself a coffee and a hard roll. They ate in the truck and after a few failed attempts to get Ethan into a conversation he gave up. After they ate, Gabe turned to Ethan.

"All right. What is it?"

"What do you mean?" Ethan asked.

"What's going on? You haven't talked since we left the office and you were frowning since you got there today."

"My father and I had a talk this morning."

"Was it about the investments? I've got some really good ideas that I think will make-."

"No, it wasn't about the investments. It was about my future."

"Oh?"

"He wants to see me married."

"Married?" Gabe asked. "As in.... married?"

"Yeah. He and my mother have asked some of their friends for suitable matches and I have a date tomorrow night."

"That's ridiculous. No one does that anymore." Gabe said. "That's like an arranged marriage."

"Yeah, well, my parents are pretty much insisting."

"Have you thought about telling them that-."

"I can't do that! I can't tell them I'm gay. I thought maybe I could but now I know I can't. You should have seen them sitting there talking about my wedding like it was a done deal."

"Ethan, you have to tell them. At some point you have to tell them the truth."

"I don't even know what the truth is, Gabe. I like spending time with you but it's only been a few days since we.... That doesn't mean anything."

"Oh Ethan...." Gabe said feeling his heart break in two. "Ethan, I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life but wouldn't you be more happier being honest with yourself and the people around you?"

"So what? You see us getting married? Moving in together and getting a dog or something?" Ethan said cruelly. "I'm supposed to bring you home to my mother and tell her that you're the man I love?"

Gabe let the hurtful words wash over him and felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He took a breath and tried to calm himself and control his feelings. 

"I'm not talking about me. I'm talking about you. If you're not gay, then fine. Go be happy with someone woman your parents pick out or find one for yourself. But if you are, then you're not going to be happy till you find the love of a man. Whether that's me or not doesn't matter." Gabe said and opened the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to work."

"Get in, I'll drive you."

"I think that we both need a little space at the moment. You need to figure out who you are and I just need some time alone. I'll walk back. Bye, Ethan."

"Gabe!" Ethan called as Gabe shut the door and walked off. Ethan watched Gabe walk away for a while before slamming the truck into drive and taking off. 

Gabe wasn't walking long before he felt someone walking next to him. He turned his head and saw God walking beside him.

"Ethan's parents are trying to make him get married to a woman."

"Some people feel they can make another person's decisions better than they can. Sometimes it comes from a good place and sometimes it doesn't." God answered.




God's Angel Ch. 03



"He said he wasn't sure if he was gay anymore."

"It doesn't sound like he's accepted it totally. When face with hardships, many people have second thoughts and often choose the road of least resistance."

"Hasn't accepted it yet? We've made love. How could he not have accepted it yet?" Gabe asked.

"Really, Gabe. I'm surprised at you. You know how easy it is to separate feelings and how easy it is to change making love to fucking."

Gabe shot him a look.

"Now I now you're not God. God wouldn't say the word `fucking'."

"Why not? Do you think I haven't heard it before? Do you think there's something I haven't seen, heard, felt, thought, or imagined before? It's just a word that isn't used in polite company, another human invention."

"So you're saying I was just a fuck to Ethan?"

"I'm saying that people often get confused and sometimes rewrite their own little history to change the way they see things. How they see things determines how it affects them and so suddenly something which meant a lot means less than it did before."

"So, he's running again? Like I did?" Gabe asked.

"Seems like it, doesn't it?"

"Well, it seems like he's running pretty fast and hard."

"You never had to tell your family that you were gay. You never had the feeling, that even though you knew they loved you, you were somehow risking that love. You never even told your Aunt, who loved your very much by the way and knew you were gay since you came to live with her. But I'm sure how you could see it being difficult for people."

"Well, it wasn't my idea not to be able to tell my parents."

"No."

"Would they have understood?"

"They do now. Isn't that enough?"

"I would like to know."

"Even if I answered you, you don't believe I'm God so what does it matter. Why don't you decide if you think they would have or not and go by that."

"I guess it's all I have."

"That's not entirely true. You have your memories of them. I'm sure you can figure out what they would have thought by that." God stopped and put his hand on Gabe's shoulder. "You'll have to be strong though. It's not easy helping someone else while you're hurting but he needs you now even though you don't think so."

"He wanted me to thank you for making sex." Gabe said and God chuckled.

"Tell him he's welcome."

"If I ever get to talk to him again." Gabe said.

"Don't give up so easily. I'm sure you'll find a way." God said and walked off.

Gabe returned to work and both he and Ethan seemed to work diligently to stay out of the other's way. It worked well because four o'clock came quickly and Ethan headed out promptly without glancing into Gabe's office. He sighed, turned off his computer and headed home. He wasn't home long when the phone rang. 

"Hello?"

"Gabe? Hey, it's Darren. What's up?"

"Oh hey, Darren. Not much. Just got in from work. You?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with Phil and I tonight? We're leaving tomorrow and I wanted you guys to meet. You're your the closest thing to an ex boyfriend I have that I'd actually want to introduce him to, so what do you say?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. What time?"

Two hours later, Gabe walked into a little restaurant and saw Darren sitting across the room. He made his way to the table.

"Hey." He said as he sat down.

"Hey. Gabe this is Phil, Phil this is Gabe." Phil was a handsome man and after talking with them for a few minutes he could see they both cared for each other deeply. Gabe felt a stab of envy at so deep a relationship.

"So what's been going on with you?" Darren asked.

"Same old. Still working at the job I told you about but not sure for how long. My love life is in the toilet and I seem to be alone again. I being stalked by some crazy old man who calls himself God. But the good thing is my volunteer work at the soup kitchen is going great!" 

"I'm not even going to comment on the crazy guy who calls himself God but to stay away from the crazies. Anyway, love life in the toilet? How so?" Darren asked.

"It's the classic story of boy meets boy who is confused by his sexuality, boy convinces scared boy to give it a whirl and then scared boy becomes gay boy, and gay boys parents convince him he's got to get married to a woman so gay boy goes back to being scared in the closest boy."

"I saw that movie. That was Montgomery Cliff and Tony Curtis, wasn't it?" Darren asked.

"Something like that. You know, the same old tired plot." Gabe added.

"Oh, I'm sorry sweetie. It wasn't the hunky guy who saw us having coffee the other day and got all jealous and stuff, was it?"

"The very same."

"The one you said was your boss?"

"Uh huh."

"Oh wow."

"Yeah." Gabe said, feeling miserable. 

"And by convince you mean...." Darren asked.

"Don't ask him that, honey. That's tacky." Phil said.

"It's ok. Yeah, that's what I meant."

"Well, fuck him sweetie. There's better men out there."

"Yeah, so they keep telling me." Gabe sighed. "I don't think I'm ready to give up on this one yet, though. Even if he doesn't choose me he deserves to be happy and if he's gay, getting married to some rich bimbo isn't going to help matters."

"Well just make sure you're in a good place and don't get hurt." Darren said.

They spoke of lighter things till it was time for Darren and Phil to leave and they dropped Gabe off at his apartment. At least tomorrow was Friday, thought Gabe as he got ready for bed. How bad could tomorrow be?

Ethan was going on a date. Gabe heard the gossip four minutes after he arrived at the office from Jess, the receptionist who heard it from Bryan, an Assistant manager who heard it from Erica, Ethan's secretary that Ethan had asked her to make reservations at DiAngelo's for two at eight o'clock and to confirm with one Barbara Whitstone. 

"Who is Barbara Whitstone?" Gabe asked.

"Some socialite snob who doesn't think people who make under 100 thousand a year actually exist." Jess answered bitterly. "I love Ethan. If I didn't love my boyfriend more I'd try for him. He deserves to be with someone who makes him happy. Don't you think?"

"Yeah, but try telling him that." Gabe answered and headed to his office. 

He was in there all day, having skipped lunch trying to get his work done but his mind just wasn't into it. He kept finding mistakes he had made earlier and having to go back and check everything over again. Gabe cursed fiercely as he found another error and was forced to recheck his figures.

"Are you ok?" Ethan asked from the doorway. Gabe looked up in surprise.

"Yeah, I'm just not having a very good day." Gabe hoped his voice sounded neutral. "I keep making mistakes."

Ethan nodded his head and stood silent for a moment. He then turned and shut the door.

"Gabe, I was worried about you yesterday."

"Were you? That's convenient cause I was worried about you too. I still am."

"Gabe, I don't mean this to be hard for either of us."

"Ethan, don't worry about me. We made no promises to each other. I'm a big boy. I realize that. Worry about yourself. This Barbara Whitstone, she's going to make you happy?"

"How did you know about that?" 

"It's not important. What's important is your happiness and your future." Gabe said, coming to stand in the front of his desk. "Is getting married to a woman going to make you happy?"

"I don't know."

"Were you happy the couple of weeks we spent together?" Ethan looked away. "You don't have to give me an answer but you deserve one. You deserve to be honest with yourself."

"And what if the answer is no? What if I wasn't happy with you?" Ethan asked.

"Then that's fine. Then go see if Barbara or some other woman can make you happy! Just don't do this because your parents are making you."

"They'll fire me from the company. My dad can't run it anymore, they'll just sell it off piece by piece! All the people who work for us will be out of a job, their pensions, everything they've worked for."

"And that sucks. But you wouldn't be responsible for that."

"You're confusing me." Ethan said and turned around as if to leave but didn't open the door.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to. I only wanted to show you that you're sacrificing your well-being for a future that might not be. You're parents might sell this company to someone who keeps everyone on and honors the pensions, or everyone might get fired and find better jobs somewhere and have a chance at a new life. Maybe we'll all move somewhere and start a commune, who knows?"

"Where will you move?" Ethan asked.

"What?"

"You said `you'll all move', where will you move to?"

"I don't know. Me, personally.... I'm not sure there's anything left for me in this town. My friend Darren was talking about some good jobs down closer to the City but I don't know. I don't want to move but I've learned that what I want often doesn't matter."

"But you'd move?" 

"I don't think I'd really have a choice, Ethan. It was a God send that I met you." Gabe closed his eyes and realized how that sounded. "I meant, cause you gave me the job."

"Right." Ethan said and sighed. "If I'm straight then everyone gets to stay and have a job. If I'm gay, then everyone has to leave. Some choice."

"Well, what are you? The chair of the urban development committee? If your parents fire you for being gay, than they're assholes. I'm sorry, but I think the fact that they're putting you in this situation is shitty."

"What does being gay even mean?"

"It's like anything, I guess. It means what you want it to mean." Gabe answered.

"What's it mean to you?"

"It means that I can be feminine or masculine if I want to. It means that if I hear a song and my first thought is `that's too girly' my second thought is `I'm gay, who cares?'. It means that I can be who I am and not give a shit what other people think about it. It means that someday I'll find a man who will look at me the way I look at him. I'll feel a little less when he's not there and complete when he is. It means that I'll love him and not worry about the world."

"That's what it means?" 

"That's what it means to me." Gabe sat on the corner of his desk and waited while Ethan thought about what he had said.

"So, what am I supposed to do?" Ethan asked.

"That's up to you. I can't give you answers, only point you in directions." Gabe closed his eyes and realized he had just quoted "God". "But I think you should go on the date with Barbara."

"You do?"

"I do."

"Why?"

"I think you need to find out who you are. I think you're used to living your life for other people and have forgotten how to live for yourself. No matter what you decide in life, that's important."

"So go on the date and find myself?" Ethan asked. 

"That's a place to start."

"Why are you helping me with this? Aren't you angry?"

"No Ethan, truth be told I'm hurt. But that's not your fault. You need to do this and I need to let you. Like I said, the most important thing is for your happiness, gay or straight."

"So you're not a recruiter?" Ethan asked with a smile. Gabe thought for a moment and then understood.

"You mean, for the `gay agenda'? No. We don't have recruiters, or at least officially we don't. We don't get toasters for every five breeders we turn. Nothing like that. It's difficult to know who you are sometimes, with everyone shouting at you what you should be. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you with an open heart, ready to accept what you decide."

"Thank you, Gabe."

"Anytime." Gabe said as Ethan opened the door.

"I've changed my mind, I think you really do talk to God. I can't think of anyone more worthy than you."

Ethan left the office and Gabe sat wiping stubborn tears from his eyes. He grabbed his jacket and some work to take home with him and left for the night. He was sorely tempted to sit on his park bench but decided to get some take out and head back to his apartment. It seemed bigger now, less warm and infinitely more lonely, Gabe thought as he sat in the kitchen picking through the Chinese food. There was a knock at the door and Gabe jumped up praying that it was Ethan. It was God and he was holding a small, brown paper bag.

"Not who you were expecting, huh?"

"Not exactly. Come on in." Gabe said and sat back down to his meal. The man came in and placed the paper bag on the table.

"They forgot to put this in when you picked it up."

"God delivers Chinese food now?"

"You think it's beneath me?"

"Um... yeah."

"Huh. Even the littlest cogs need help spinning in the great mechanics of life." God said, over dramatically.

"That's a bumper sticker, isn't it?"

"Not yet, but it will be soon." God said and helped himself to some pork fried rice. "So?"

"I don't want to talk about it tonight."

"We both know that's not true. If you didn't want to talk about it, do you think I'd be here? I'm God, I have excellent timing."

"Fine. Ethan's going on a date tonight."

"And you advised him to go."

"Yeah."

"Noble of you."

"You think I was wrong?"

"No. I was simply commenting on your nobility." God said, happily munching away on Gabe's dinner. 

"Well, he has to figure out who he is."

"Or otherwise, he'll be no use to anyone."

"He'll be no use to anyone if he's straight?" Gabe asked.

"No, he'll still be a use. Everyone's useful in their own way, despite their choices. But it's difficult to use someone when they don't know who or what they are. When they're in the middle or confused they don't listen well. Inspiration often suffers."

"Are you having me help him just so I can help him decide he's straight?"

"That is the most self-serving thing you've ever said to me."

"I'm the one who's getting hurt here! I'm the one who has to pretend that I'm o.k. with all of this!"

"I can't help that you're getting hurt. I hurt for you, but I can't help that. But I never told you that you have to be `o.k. with all of this'. I only asked you to find a way to help him."

"How can I help him if I'm screaming at him that he's a big homo and to grow the fuck up?!" Gabe yelled and stood up from the table.

"Is that what you want to do?"

"Yes! No. I don't know." Gabe sighed. "I feel like I'm being left again. I feel like another person is choosing someone or something else over me. That I'm not good enough to be chosen first."

"That's self-pity." Gabe spun around intending to kick God out of his apartment, but the man had his hand up. "I didn't say that it's not understandable. You've got plenty to be angry about. Just as an option, self-pity isn't productive."

"Maybe I'll just be angry then. Is angry productive enough for you?"

"Productive, yes. Constructive, no. Anger is good to destroy the blockages and walls people put up around their feelings and traumas. They can hopefully build better pathways to dealing with them out of love or sometimes just plain reason."

"So what should I do?" Gabe asked, pacing.

"You know the answer to that."

"Let's imagine that I don't! Ok? You're good at imagining. Let's say for a minute that I have no fucking clue what to do next!"

"I can't give-."

"You `can't give answers, only point people in directions'. Yeah, I used that one myself today. Just get out."

"Gabe-."

"Get the fuck out!" Gabe opened the door. "I'm tired of being a little sock puppet for whatever freak show you're running here! I'm going to sit and be angry and wallow in big loads of self-pity! Now get the fuck out so I can get to it!"

God stood and left quietly. Gabe slammed the door shut behind him and knocked the Chinese food off the table as he felt the stubborn tears return with a vengeance.



God's Angel Ch. 04



First, thanks for all the comments! This one was a little hard for me because I had an Ethan in my life till recently and though we had a relationship a lot longer than two weeks and it wasn't a woman he left me for, it still happened. Much of the bar scene is verbatim from conversations. Just FYI. "Writing is therapy for poor people" - Dagan732 

*

The weekend dawned and the sun pushed it's way into the darkness of Gabe's room to find him still awake. His eyes were dry but red and puffy and they stared at the ceiling as if trying to divine some mystical answer to his life's problems from the small crack near the light fixture. None was forthcoming. He laid in bed and watched the sunshine brighten and travel across his bedroom walls. He sighed and went to take a shower. 

He washed and dressed, ate his morning cereal in front of the t.v. but couldn't even have said what he was watching should he have been asked. He thought a stroll would do him good and while meaning to steer far away from the park bench, ended up there within an hour. He sat on his bench and waited. And waited. And waited. God didn't show up. Gabe didn't know whether to be thankful or irritated that he hadn't. He sat for another hour then continued his walk around town. He barely noticed when Ethan's truck pulled up next to him. 

"Gabe." Ethan called. "What are you doing?"

"Taking a walk." Gabe said a little sullenly, feeling petulant and righteous at the same time.

"Trying to find God?"

"No. We got in a fight. I kicked him out of my apartment last night."

"He was at the apartment?"

"Yeah. He brought me Chinese food."

"Are you sure you're ok?" Ethan asked.

"I'm fine."

"Well, why don't you get in? We can take a ride. Go get coffee?"

"Ok." Gabe said after a moment's hesitation. 

He hopped in the truck and they sped off to a local coffee shop, placed their orders and sat. 

"How was your date?" Gabe asked.

"It was.... ok." 

"What was she like?"

"She was.... nice." Ethan answered.

"Nice? Just nice?"

"We only met last night, so yeah, she was nice. Very nice, if you have to know."

"Great." Gabe said. "She was nice. What did you guys do?"

"We went to dinner. We were going to go to DiAngelo's but Barbara knew this little place across town. It was cute." Ethan smiled and Gabe gnashed his teeth.

"That sounds.... nice."

"It was. We talked for hours. She's really great. I think you'd like her."

"Do you?" Gabe asked and noticed that the sarcasm was lost on Ethan. 

"We stayed and talked till they closed."

"Then what did you do?" Ethan looked away. "I take it you didn't bring her home and give her a polite kiss goodnight?"

"Not exactly."

"Ah." Gabe felt his coffee rise and churn at the bottom of his esophagus. "So?"

"So what?"

"Did you like it?"

"Gabe, I don't really think that's something we should discuss."

"I'm sorry. I was just trying to be a friend. One who was worried about the decisions you were making about your.... sexual orientation. I'm sorry if I went too far." Gabe said and tried desperately to think of something else they could talk about. "So it's been a little warm for this time of year, hasn't it?"

"I guess." Ethan answered, puzzled at the turn of conversation. 

"I tried to tell you the other day, I've got the figures for the investments I've mentioned. If you like we can show them to your father, maybe he'll decide to use the company's money a little more wisely."

"Hold on."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything against your dad, but the money's just sitting there."

"No, Gabe, damn it. Hold on. What the hell just happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm trying to tell you something and you just start talking about the weather and investments and shit. What's with you?"

"I know what you're trying to tell me, Ethan. I get it. This is not my first time getting the `see you later' handshake. You're with Barbara now. Fine. Good. As long as you're happy."

"So, you're not upset?" Ethan asked. `God, the man could be so fucking stupid sometimes,' Gabe thought. 

"Sure, I'm a little upset. But whatever. It's good for you that you found someone. I hope you guys will be happy." Gabe smiled and Ethan looked even more confused. "It's too soon to set the big date, right? You're not rushing that one, are you?"

"No. I imagine we'll wait till after the second date at least." Ethan smiled, but still looked like he wasn't sure he knew what was going on.

"That's good. Take a little time and get to know her before asking the question. That way, you'll be sure."

Gabe filled their conversation with enough idle chatter and friendly advice that Ethan didn't know how hurt he was. By the time they left, Ethan felt like they were just two friends having coffee and Gabe felt as if his heart was broken. Gabe smiled as Ethan's truck pulled away, having assured him that he'd rather walk back. Gabe did walk back and crossing the park to his apartment building, noticed someone sitting on his bench. He walked over and sat down.

"I'm sorry, Gabe." God said.

"For what?"

"For your pain."

"You say that a lot."

"As you've pointed out, there's a lot of pain in the world."

"Couldn't you just make it go away? Couldn't you just make everyone happy and not hurt so much?"

"Of course I could." God chuckled. "It would be such an easy thing. Take away everyone's pain and hurt. No more mental illness, no more failures, no more heartache, no more wants and needs,"

"Then do it!" Gabe pleaded.

"No more joys, no more laughter, no more beauty, no more really great days, no more unbelievable successes and triumphs, no more growth."

"All those things would go too?"

"They're part and parcel." God answered and remained silent.

"It's happening again. I'm getting left behind and the one I've chosen is chosing another." God still remained silent. "I don't know what to do. I thought if I helped other people out like you suggested that I'd be happy."

"Are you?"

"Well, yeah. I like helping other people out. But then I met Ethan and I thought he was meant for me."

"No one is meant for anyone. I didn't set it up like that."

"So there's no such thing as a soul mate?"

"Why would there be? Do you think when I made you that I shoved your souls in bodies so you couldn't recognize each other, mixed you all up, threw you all over the world and then said `Go find the one person out of all these people that you're supposed to be with'? What kind of asshole do you think I am?" God asked.

"I don't know. I always liked the idea of a soul mate."

"Of course you do. It's pretty and romantic. It speaks to some higher meaning, some purpose, some plan."

"Yeah."

"It also takes away free will if you're supposed to be with one person you haven't even met yet. What will you humans think of next? Soul dating?" God chuckled.

"I've known people who are soul mates though. They're happy. They're perfect for each other." Gabe argued.

"If they're truly happy then they've chosen to be so. They know each other through and through and have accepted that person for who they are. This is only something special because it's so rare. Not because it means they're soul mates. You can have the same relationship with Ethan that you just described to me."

"But Ethan doesn't want me!" Gabe yelled.

"So? It doesn't mean that you can't accept him and love him for who he is. Barbara too for that matter. This feeling that you've described was never meant to be exclusive."

"I'm not sleeping with Barbara."

"Nor was this feeling meant to be solely sexual. When you feel the feeling you call 'soul mate', you're feeling the closest thing a human can feel to the love of God."

"No human could have the feeling for everyone."

"Correction, not many people can have the feeling for everyone. But there have been people. Jesus, Muhammad, the Buddhas, an ancient Irish druid named Amergin, several Yogis, an entire tribe in pre-dynastic Persia. They met an invading army with nothing more than flowers and honeyed milk. They were slaughtered and went to their deaths loving their attackers." 

"Well, I don't think I have it in me."

"You have it in you, you just chose not to use it. You feel it's above you, or too much effort."

"Disappointed?"

"In you? Never." God smiled. "I love my children the way they are. That's the point."

"I feel like you judge me and I keep failing some test."

"Humans can't hear me when I say I love them but ask if I judge them and they all say `constantly!'." God laughed. "What is a God to do?"

"I'm still not sure you're God." Gabe grumbled.

"No, you're not. But that's ok. You will soon." God stood. "If you don't want to be caught in a summer storm you'd best head home now. We'll talk again." 

As the man walked away, Gabe felt he should apologize for the other night. 

"Hey!" Gabe called, but the man turned around. "I'm sorry. For the other night when I threw you out."

"It's quite all right. You were upset."

"Well, still. I'm sorry."

"Go home, Gabe. Make your plans." Gabe didn't know what he meant but didn't have a chance to ask as God turned around and headed off.

Gabe opened the door to his apartment and heard the first clap of thunder outside as the pelting rain hit his windows. The phone rang just as he threw his coat onto a kitchen chair.

"Hello?" 

"Gabe? It's Darren. What's going on?"

Gabe put the kettle on to boil for tea and told Darren what had happened. 

"That faggot did what? He's seriously going to go back to women?"

"Apparently. I'll probably even get an invite to the wedding."

"Oh no, you have got to come down here. I'll have Phil start looking for some good jobs for you and you can crash with us till you get your own place."

"I couldn't do that, Darren. I've lived here my whole life."

"Maybe that's what's wrong? Try a new place with new people. Get out of dodge. It's so boring up there anyway. My mother was telling me the other day that there's this guy who sits in the park all day, every day. He's like our age. Isn't that pathetic?"

"Um... yeah. Really pathetic." 

"Come on! We've got lots of friends. We could set you up with someone who's actually gay. Wouldn't you like that?"

"It does sound appealing right about now." Gabe answered.

"Good. It's settled. When can you move down? I figure you'll want to give your asshole boss two weeks notice, that's puts you down here around the first week in June? That'll give me just enough time to redecorate the spare bedroom."

"I didn't agree to anything yet, Darren."

"But you will."

"Look, give me some time to think it over."

"All right, but don't hold on to things that are in the past, sweetie. It's no good for you. This guy is no good for you."

Gabe thought of Darren's offer that night and had to agree that the move did make sense, but the thought of leaving his life here scared him. He decided against it and promised he would tell Darren no, but thank him for his offer the next time they spoke. He closed his eyes and fell to sleep feeling good about the decision. 

A month later, he regretted it with his whole being. He had walked in to work that day, gotten the office scoop from Jess and even nodded to Ethan on his way to the office. It had started as a normal day which is why he was very shocked when Ethan called a meeting for just before lunch. As he worked, he was constantly interrupted by the other staff who came in to ask what the meeting was about.

"I don't know." He told his co-workers. "Why would you think I know anything more than you do?"

"You guys are friends." Liz said. "I thought he'd have told you."

"He didn't tell me anything. I guess we'll all have to wait the few minutes until the meeting to find out."

He had just finished saying that when a cute blonde popped her head in and smiled. It was Barbara. Ethan had wanted Gabe to meet her and had invited him to dinner so they could meet. It had been a very awkward experience for Gabe, one he hoped he had handled well. And he had to admit, Barbara seemed very nice. 

"Hi, I just checked Ethan's office and he's not in there. Does anyone know where he is?"

No one did but before anyone could say so, they heard his voice from down the hall alerting Barbara to his whereabouts. 

`Mystery of the Unscheduled Office Meeting solved', Gabe thought. 

An hour later confirmed it. To a lot of happy applause and congratulations, Ethan and Barbara announced their engagement. Gabe smiled and shook Ethan's hand, gave Barbara a quick kiss on the cheek and said some nice things before slipping back into his office. It wasn't long before Ethan found him in there.

"You left kinda early. We just had some champagne to celebrate."

"I had a little. I can't stand champagne and as an employer you shouldn't be encouraging it during work hours." Gabe said.

"Well, I just want to make sure you're ok."

"I'm fine, Ethan. Why wouldn't I be? I'm happy for you." `What the hell can I say to make you go away and leave me the fuck alone?' Gabe felt like asking. As usual he had said all the things he was supposed to say but none of the things he wanted to say. "When's the big day?"

"Next month."

"Next month?! I thought weddings took forever to plan?"

"We announced it to our parents the other night and they sort of had everything planned out already." Ethan grinned.

"Ah. Well. Great!" Gabe said.

"I thought of asking you to be my best man," Ethan started. Gabe's face fell. `Oh please fuck no!', he thought. "but that would be a little weird."

"Just a little."

"But you'll still come, right?"

"Sure. Sounds.... great."

"Great. I've gotta get back. Barbara and I have meetings tonight. Wedding shit."

"Right. I'll see you later." Gabe said and stared at the door Ethan just walked out of. 

The next Saturday, Gabe sat in his apartment desperately wanting to call Ethan but coming to his senses at the last moment. He had struggled all week between trying to let Ethan go and wanting to tell him how he felt. So Gabe sat holding the phone in his hand, feeling torn and hurting and confused. He put the phone down on the table and hadn't realized he had pressed the call button until a voice answered from the receiver.

"Hello?.... Hello?.... Gabe?"

"Ethan, hey. What's up?" Gabe hastily picked up the phone. 

"Nothing much. What's going on?"

"Nothing really. I was just wondering if you were free tonight?"

"Um... not really. Barbara's coming over and she's got this friend of her's she wants me to meet. And then we're supposed to go over her parents house for dinner." 

Gabe felt sick as Ethan described his plans. He didn't care what Barbara was doing or about dinner with her parents. Ethan wasn't supposed to be going over there at all. 

"Could you meet up for a drink later on then?" Gabe asked.

"Well...."

"Please?" Gabe hated the desperation in his voice but at the same time couldn't help it. 

"Ok. I'll meet you at Greg's bar around ten."

"Ok." Gabe agreed and they hung up.

Gabe waited patiently for the clock to turn as ten inched closer and closer. At quarter to, Gabe left his apartment and made the five minute trek to the little hole in the wall bar down the street. He walked into Greg's and was happy to see only a few regulars and not the usual weekend crowd. He took a seat and waited for Ethan. He was late. He came in and apologized as he sat down at the booth across from Gabe. 

"I'm sorry, dinner with Barbara and her parents went longer than expected. I told her I was coming to meet you and she wanted me to say hi. She asked if she could come but I told her it was a man's night out." Ethan smiled and Gabe felt even sicker. 

The hurt, want and love in his heart was breaking through and he tried to hold on. He knew this wasn't a good idea but it was too late now.

"What's going on, Gabe?" Ethan asked.

"I love you. I love you and I need to say it to you. I have to tell you that you're making a huge mistake and that you can't marry Barbara. She isn't right for you."

"What the hell is this, Gabe?" Ethan lowered his voice. "I thought you were my friend. I thought you got over this."

"I haven't. I tried. I really did. I want you back, Ethan. I want you back so badly it's killing me."

"I'm with Barbara now."

"But you're gay." Gabe hadn't yelled it, but Ethan's head still flipped around to see if anyone had heard. "You're not going to be happy with her. I can make you happy."

"I have to do this, Gabe. Whatever happens, I have to see how this plays out."

"What does that mean, Ethan? `See how what plays out'?"

"This thing with Barbara."

"You love her?"

"I do." Ethan admitted and Gabe sat back feeling lost.

"I'm sorry. Ethan, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you loved her. I thought you loved me. I guess I was deluding myself. Thinking we had something more than we did."

"That's not exactly true, Gabe." Ethan said and reached out a hand to clasp Gabe's.

"What?"

"I love you too."

"You what?"

"I love you too, Gabe. But I need to see how things go with Barbara."

"You love me? You love me, but you went on a date with another woman and fell in love with her too? And you chose her over me?"

"Yeah. Sort of."

"What kind of fucked up shit are you playing?!"

"Lower your voice!" Ethan demanded.

"You are playing some wicked games, screwing with people's heads and hearts and you're telling me to lower my voice?"

"I'm really confused, Gabe."

"I don't give a rat's ass!!!"

"We can just be friends. You'll get over it. You're a great guy, you should go meet someone new."

"You love me, but you're telling me to go be with someone else?"

"Yeah. If this thing with Barbara ends tomorrow I'd be with you, trying to win you back." Gabe pulled his hand out from underneath Ethan's. 

"I don't think you know what love is, Ethan. I really don't. You don't leave the person you love for another person, you don't tell the person you love to go be with another person and you sure as hell don't tell the person you love that if you're free you'll come try to win them back. You're an asshole. You're fucked up in the head and I hope you're very happy with Barbara cause you'll never get me back."

Gabe left the bar and cried the entire way home. He sat in his apartment the entire weekend, going over the conversation he had with Ethan. Anger and resentment filled him. His mind made up, he called Darren and told him to expect him around the middle of June.

"Yay! But why? What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"What happened?" Darren prodded.

"I don't want to fucking talk about it!"

"Ok! Ok. Calm down. I'm sorry. Whenever you're ready. Just answer me this, are you ok?"

"No but I'm not going to do anything stupid, if that's what you're asking."

"I sort of was, yeah. You know you can call me whenever, ok?"

"I know. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, honey. He's a shit heel. If he hurt you this bad, he doesn't deserve you."

"I gotta go, Darren. I'll talk to you later."

"Anytime, baby."

"I love you, Darren. You're a good friend and I don't deserve that."

"Baby, you deserve that and so much more. I love you too, sweetie. You be well and get here as soon as possible. Oh, and stay away from that asshole fuckhead."

"I will."

Gabe and Ethan stayed very far out of each other's way until the day of the wedding. He handed his resignation on Ethan's desk who accepted it without comment and stated his final day as the day before the wedding. He wouldn't have a severance package, still being a new employee but with the money he had saved and his last pay check he could live comfortably for a few months. 

Gabe's invitation had come in the mail the Monday after Gabe had confessed his love. They had sent it out previously and Ethan couldn't take it back without answering some very awkward questions. Gabe deliberated on going but finally decided with a bleak and grim fatalism, that he would see the final chapter of his life here done. 




God's Angel Ch. 04



Gabe walked along the lawn and made his way to a cluster of his former co-workers. They all expressed sadness and shock at his leaving. Gabe told them that he had been offered a better job and that it was a time sensitive thing, so he had to act quickly. He lied and said, Ethan had been very understanding and things were left on good terms. Liz cornered him alone and gave him one of her motherly stares, trying to search out ulterior motives.

"Did I miss something?" Liz asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, did I miss something?" Liz's gaze spoke volumes and Gabe was pretty sure she had guessed most of it.

"No, Liz. You didn't miss anything."

"That boy doesn't know what he's doing. Never has. Ever since he was a little boy, he didn't know whether he was coming or going. Well, you take care where ever you go. God will watch over you." She hugged Gabe.

"The problem is getting him to leave me alone." 

They sat together and watched as Barbara walked up the aisle in a mountain of white. Ethan watched his bride approach and for a second his eyes flickered to Gabe's. His face blanched a little till he looked back to Barbara. During the ceremony, the minister asked if anyone had an reason why the two should not be joined, let him speak now. Ethan's eyes closed and Gabe felt a malicious jolt of pleasure at his momentary discomfort and couldn't resist coughing. Ethan jumped slightly then relaxed as the minister moved on. Everyone clapped and cheered as the newly weds made their way down the aisle and to the clubhouse where the reception was to be held. 

"That was evil." Liz said.

"What was?"

"You know what you did. You had that boy on pins and needles and when you coughed, I thought he was going to shit his tux right there." Gabe laughed.

"It was. I'm sorry. I'll go to confession or have a little discussion with God about it. I just don't know why I always have to be the nice guy. The one who understands and helps people through their hard times. I have hard times too. I need someone to be there for me. I need someone to want to be there for me."

"It'll happen. Trust me. I got a feeling about you. You've got a guardian angel or something."

"Liz, I didn't even know you were religious."

"You can be religious without shoving it down people's throats. Come on, let's go get liquored up before they start charging for it." 

Gabe didn't get `liquored up' as Liz suggested and once he saw that Ethan was trying to find him, he let himself be found outside on the porch which was luckily enough empty.

"I didn't think you'd come." Ethan said.

"Yeah, well. You invited me. Probably wished you could have stopped the mail from coming, huh?"

"Yeah." Ethan admitted and smiled. "I did think about it a couple of times."

"`Neither snow, nor sleet, not gay dramas stays these couriers'." Gabe quoted. "So you did it."

"I did."

"Good."

"Good?"

"Yeah. What do you want a medal? You got a fucking ring, be happy." Gabe tried to say it without rancor and half succeeded. 

"Gabe, I want to apologize-."

"Please don't." Gabe said, shaking his head. "It's better that we just let this end. I don't need or want apologies. They don't do me any good. So, let's just end it and be civil."

"Meaning we can be friends?"

"No. I don't think we can be friends. I thought I could, but I don't seem to have it in me. Maybe that's petty of me, but I don't care. You left me. It's my turn to leave you. Course, you don't give a shit so it doesn't hold quite the punch."

"That's not true, Gabe. I don't want you gone from my life. I need you as a friend."

"I would have been your best friend, Ethan. But you chose a different path. Now it's time to walk it and I don't want to be there when you do." Gabe stepped up and wrapped Ethan in his arms. "I wish the best for you, truly. The gift is a nice one, so don't worry when she opens it."

Gabe stepped back and wiped the tear from his eye. 

"I love you, Ethan." Gabe smiled. "Pathetic, huh?"

Ethan tried to say something but Gabe interrupted.

"I have to leave. I gotta catch my train." Gabe walked away and didn't look back. If he had he would have been surprised to see God standing next to Ethan with a tray of canapes. 

"Are you all right, Sir?" God asked.

"No." Ethan admitted, watching Gabe walk away. "I just lost a.... friend."

"Losing things can be difficult."

"What am I supposed to do now?" Ethan asked.

"The best you can." God answered.



God's Angel Ch. 05



To the readers: I'm asking for a great deal of forgiveness on this one. My openoffice program seems to crash every time I run spell check now so if things slip by, my apologies. 

*

Gabe stepped off the train onto the Dobbs Ferry platform and stood for a minute as if not sure what came next. A crowd of people rushed around him and disappeared into the night, heading to their cars or home or both. He sighed and pulled his bags after him as he made his way toward the parking lot. A voice caught his attention and he saw Darren waiting for him just up ahead. Darren rushed up and pulled him into a bear hug when he got closer. 

"How are you doing?" He asked.

"I watched the man I love get married to a woman today." Gabe said, returning the embrace. "I don't think I'm doing so well."

"Let's get you home. We'll have a nice cup of tea and bitch about men. Tomorrow we'll get you all settled." Darren said, leading Gabe toward his Honda. 

"I know it's a little late in asking, but you're sure Phil's ok with all of this?" Gabe asked.

"He's totally ok with this. He's got a huge list of people looking for accountants and he's even marked those he thinks you should work for with little stars." Darren laughed.

"That's nice of him." Gabe said. "He seems like a great guy."

"He is." Darren said and couldn't help the stars in his eyes. "The best."

"I'm happy for you." Gabe smiled weakly. 

"No, you're not sweetie. You're hurting and in pain and want to kick my teeth in for having a relationship that you think you'll never have." Darren reached out and took Gabe's hand. 

"I don't!" Gabe tried to deny it.

"Trust me, I've been there. I know how it feels, especially when you see two people in love and you get that nasty feeling in your stomach. But you will find a good man, one who loves you like you deserve to be loved."

"I don't know, Darren. I think I just want to be done with the whole thing."

"I know. You're feeling sorry for yourself and a little bitter. Not that you don't have a reason to, but let it go as soon as you can. You won't move on till you do."

Darren and Gabe rode in silence and finally pulled up in front of a beautiful Victorian house just outside of town. Though it was dark Gabe could see enough by the street lights to be impressed.

"What did you say Phil does for a living?" Gabe asked as he took in the house. Darren laughed.

"It's gorgeous, right? I loved it the moment I saw it. He's an Investment Banker. He takes money from people, makes them more money. Luckily for me, cause I don't make nearly enough on my salary to keep us here. If I were supporting us we'd be living in an apartment or back upstate, God forbid."

Darren led the way into the house and called out to Phil that they were home. A group of dogs came to greet them, yapping and barking. They were a mixed and matched set of dogs who at best could only be described as mutts. Darren bent and rubbed each one's head.

"Wow." Gabe said. "You've got dogs."

"Yeah." Darren said, laughing. "We rescued each from the pound before they were put to sleep. We couldn't just leave them there. We went looking for one dog and landed up bringing home three. Then we kept thinking of the other ones just waiting to die and went back for more. Phil finally put his foot down after ten. We've got a big yard so it's not so bad."

"That's cool." Gabe said and looked up as Phil came into the room. 

"Hey baby." He said and kissed Darren's cheek. "Hey Gabe. Welcome."

"Phil, I don't know what to say. You're so great to do this for me and let me invade your home. I'll be out as soon as I can." 

"Gabe, it's not a problem. Don't worry about it. Stay as long as you need to and don't rush. Really. My home is your home." Phil said and took Gabe's bag from him. "Honey, why don't you show Gabe around and I'll put his bag in his room."

"Thanks, babe." Darren said and pulled Gabe along for a tour.

The inside of the house was just as beautiful as the outside and Gabe was awe struck as he followed Darren around. When they finally came to the room he'd be staying in, Gabe felt humbled by the generosity of his friends. He felt like his entire apartment could have fit inside the room, not mentioning the private bath. 

"We've eaten already but if you're hungry I can make you something." 

"Thanks Darren, I ate before I got on the train." It was a lie but Gabe didn't feel very hungry at the moment. 

"Well, if you get hungry what ever's downstairs is fair game, except the Cracker Jacks. Phil has an addiction and we're working on it."

"Got it. You know, you guys seem great together." Gabe said, as he started unpacking.

"We are." Darren admitted, honestly. "I sometimes can't believe I found him."

"How long have you guys been together?"

"It's been six years, no, seven years this July."

"Wow. That's amazing. That's what I want." 

"You'll have it. You just have to find the man that's right for you." Darren sat on the edge of the bed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"What's to talk about? I fell in love with someone who was experimenting with his homosexuality and when his parents said that he'd better marry or he wouldn't get the company, he chose a woman and the company over me."

"He's a scumbag."

"Well, that scumbag got married today."

"I take that back." Darren said. "He's an asshole scumbag who should be shot and tortured."

"I really don't care. I just need to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. We were only together for a little while. I don't know why I'm getting so upset over it."

"Honey, love just comes. Sometimes fast, sometimes slow, you can't measure it. If you were in love then your heart was involved and that's never easy." Darren stood and gave Gabe a big hug. "You'll get through this. Till then, I'm here for you whenever you need me and you stay for as long as you like. I'm really excited having the company."

"Thanks, Darren. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."

"Then don't. It'll only irritate me." Darren headed toward the door but turned around before leaving. "Oh and when you're ready we have some really nice guys we'd like you to meet." 

Gabe started work on his life the next day. Phil had left the list he made of companies looking for an accountant on the kitchen table and Gabe scanned through it over his morning coffee. He had copies of his resume and sent them out to almost everyone on the list. He prayed that he would soon have a job and be able to give Darren and Phil back their peace and quiet, though he did do his best to be an appreciative guest and help out when he could. Not having a car, Gabe would take long walks around the area, and despite the fact that there were quite a few parks, preferred sitting on the benches down by the Hudson River. He was there one day, staring out over the calm water, enjoying the warm early summer day when an elderly black woman came over.

"Do you mind?" She asked.

"I'm sorry?"

"Do you mind if I sit?"

"Oh, no. By all means." Gabe said and scooted over a little to make room.

"Thank you. You looked like you had something on your mind. I didn't want to disturb you by sitting on your bench."

"That's all right. They're city benches. They're for everyone."

"They are," She said, nodding. "But you get awfully proprietorial about them. Don't you, Gabriel?" 

"I'm sorry, have we met?" Gabe asked.

"Of course we have. It hasn't been so long since we've talked that you could forget me so easily." She said and Gabe felt a shimmer of recognition crawl up his back. 

"I'm new to the area and I don't know anyone around here. I'm sorry, ma'am but I don't know you." He said, stubbornly.

"You don't recognize me because the last time we spoke I was a man, but you know me."

"No, I really don't." Gabe stood and started to walk away.

"Gabe, people talk to God everyday. Are you really going to pass up another chance to hear him talk back simply because I don't look like I used to?"

"No!" Gabe said, spinning around. "This is a trick. You and the other guy got together and are punking me or something. You're just actors."

"No one is punking you. I'm simply trying to make you see a larger truth." She said.

"Why are you doing this to me? If you really are God, why me?"

"Because out of everyone in this world, you're the one who needs it most. Besides, you're not the only one I speak to like this. Not everyone who says they see and talk to God are crazy."

"If you're God, what was the last thing I said to you?"

"Are you asking me to prove myself to you? Again?" She said with a smirk.

"Well, that would clinch it, right? That would make me a believer."

"I seem to remember telling you that I'm not here to impress you."

"Yeah, the other guy would have said something pretty similar. I have to admit, you have your schtick down pat but I don't really have time for whatever kind of joke you're playing. Good bye." Gabe turned to leave again.

"The last thing you said to me was `well, still. I'm sorry'." God watched Gabe turn and slowly walk back toward her.

"Why did I say that?" Gabe asked in a whisper.

"You were apologizing for throwing me out of your apartment building. I told you it was all right, that I understood." Gabe sat down next to her. 

"Let's say I'm going to go along with this, simply for morbid curiosity's sake. What now?"

"What now?"

"What comes next?" Gabe clarified.

"Oh. Well, a question, I think."

"What question?"

"What are you going to do now?" God asked.

"Don't you know?" Gabe asked and God sighed.

"Yes, I do. I know every choice you've ever made and everyone you ever will."

"Then what's the point?" 

"Because you don't. You don't know what choice you'll make."

"So you're here to help me find out what choice I'll make?"

"I'm here talking to you. I'm here for you so why do you find it so hard to believe I'm here to help you?"

"Because you never seem to help me. You always give me vague riddles and tiny clues and I'm sick of it. I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't have a job, I'm living off the kindness of friends, and I'm alone. I don't know what the fuck to do next." God nodded.

"Which one bothers you the most?"

"Your vague riddles and tiny clues." Gabe answered, petulantly which made God laugh.

"That's just my way, though. I can't give you the answers. It'd be cheating. I can only suggest a direction and if your heart feels it's right to go that way, then you'll follow it. Now really, which of your complaints bothers you the most?"

"I guess being dependent on Darren and Phil."

"Darren and Phil offered to take you in and help you get started in a new place, didn't they?"

"Yes."

"They're not poor by any means, are they?"

"No."

"They've told you not to worry and to stay as long as you'd like?"

"Yes."

"Then that's just pride talking. You're not used to depending on others and you feel it makes you less in other people's eyes. Everyone needs help from time to time, Gabe. Take them at their world and let them help you for now. You'll get your opportunity to pay them back. Let's see what you said, `you never seem to help me'. Do you believe that?" God asked.

"No. You kinda help."

"Well, despite your enthusiasm, I'll take that as you didn't mean it. I'll over look my `vague riddles and tiny clues', that's just how I roll, as you young kids say. What's left?"

Gabe thought over what he had said and felt a blush creep up his face. In someway he prayed that she was God because to confess this to a total stranger playing a trick on him would be mortifying.

"That I'm alone."

"Yes. Does that really bother you?"

"Yes. I want someone to be with. I've been alone for a long time now."

"You were with Ethan."

"Ethan left me for a woman! I was at their wedding! I watched them take vows promising to love and cherish and forsake all others till death do them part! I don't really think Ethan was `with' me."

"I was there too. It was a beautiful ceremony."

"Did he mean it?"

"Did he mean his vows?"

"Yes." Gabe asked, hating himself for his need to know. "Did he?"

"You know I can't answer. That's between he and I."

"See? What good are you? You're supposed to know everything and you can't even tell me if the man I love meant his wedding vows."

"Imagine if the position was reversed and Ethan sat where you do now asking if you meant the vows. Would you want me to answer?"

"I guess not." Gabe sighed. "He was what I wanted and I thought he wanted me."

"What do you want now, Gabe?"

"I want to be happy. I want to be complete."

"And the only way you'll be complete is with another man?"

"I know I'm supposed to say no, but that's how I feel. That I need someone to love who loves me."

"You're not supposed to say anything but the truth and if that's your truth than it's a good one."

"But all the psychobabble out there says that we're supposed to be complete by ourselves and then find love."

"To be complete one simply has no desires, wants or needs left in this world. They have no need for money or material things. They have no desire for anyone. Their love comes from within, not without. It is a beautiful state of being which takes lifetimes to achieve. You're not quite there yet. There is nothing wrong with imaging yourself with a special person, sharing your lives together."

"Will I have that?"

"If you want it and work for it." God stood and picked her purse up from the bench. 

"You're leaving already?"

"I am. I have some things to attend to and you have a message to receive. But we'll talk again."

Gabe watched her walk off and then headed back to the house. Darren was in the kitchen cooking when he walked in the door.

"Hey."

"Hey, how was your day?" Gabe asked.

"Great. How was yours?"

"Could have been better. I haven't heard from anyone I sent applications to yet."

"You will." Darren said. "Oh, I have news. I realized that you didn't have a car so we got you one."

"You what?!"

"It's just a loaner. Our friend was going to put it out for sale and we thought you could use it for a little while till you get something for yourself. It's for sale, so if you like it you can even buy it. Just think of it as test driving."

"You guys are too much." Gabe said. "Taking me in and getting me a car to use."

"Well, we didn't buy it for you."

"But you would if I need you to, right?"

"Probably."

"Thank you for doing it and no, I don't need you to help buy me a car. As soon as I get a job, I should be able to afford car payments and a place to live."

"Gabe-."

"I know, I know, I can stay here as long as I need to but I don't want to take advantage of you guys."

"You're not taking advantage. We have this whole house. Besides, you've only been here two weeks."

"I know and I feel like a loafer. You should stop your cleaning service till I leave and I'll clean the house for you guys."

"Again, stop with the trying to help out and shit. You want to do something nice, cook dinner one night. That'll be enough." The phone rang just then and Darren stopped chopping peppers to answer it.

"Hello?....Yes, one moment please." Darren turned to Gabe. "It's for you."

Gabe took the phone. "Hello?"

"Gabriel Donovan?" A woman asked.

"Yes, this is he."

"Mr. Donovan, my name is Tara Knox and I'm the director of Human Resources at Bartley, Fitch and Meade. Our company has received your resume and would like to speak to you about a position here."

"Seriously?!" Gabe tried to calm himself. Bartley, Fitch and Meade was his first choice, though he had held no hope of hearing from them. "I'm sorry. Of course, I'm very interested and can meet with you at your convenience."

"Excellent. How does tomorrow at one sound?" 

"Tomorrow at one sounds perfect."

"Fine. I'll be expecting you then."

"Thank you very much, Miss Knox."

"Thank you, Mr. Donovan." Gabe hung up the phone. 

"I have an interview tomorrow." 

"See? Things are coming around." Darren smiled. "Who with?"

"Bartley, Fitch and Meade." Darren whistled.

"I've even heard of them and I'm not in accounting."

Phil came home not much later and they all sat down to dinner. Darren cracked open a very nice bottle of wine in celebration. Gabe felt some of his loneliness leave him being with such good friends. The lost feeling he had felt since leaving his hometown eased with the hope of a new direction. Perhaps things would start going his way.

Gabe fought his nervousness the entire morning and changed several times before deciding on a plain black suit, which he hoped was professional enough. He was finishing up his tie as he made his way to the kitchen to pour some coffee when the door bell rang. He opened the door and looked expectantly at the handsome man he found on the door step.

"You must be Gabe." The man asked.

"I am. You are?" Gabe tried not to feel irritated with the interruption.

"I'm Kyle." The man said as if that were answer enough, but at Gabe's blank look tried to clarify. "Phil and Darren's friend?.........I'm loaning you a car to use?"

"Oh! Yeah. I'm sorry, they didn't mention a name or that you were stopping by today."

"Sorry, that's my fault. I was going to drop it off tomorrow but I had some free time today."

"Great. I'm just finishing getting ready. You want to come in?"

"Sure." Kyle said and followed Gabe into the kitchen.

"Coffee?"

"I've only had four cups this morning, so yeah. Coffee'd be great." 

Gabe poured a cup for himself, one for Kyle and set out cream and sugar.

"Not to be insensitive, but may I ask who died?"

"I'm sorry?" Gabe was confused.

"You look-.....Never mind." Kyle looked down at his cup seemingly embarrassed. Gabe realized that he had mistaken the black suit for mourning attire.

"Fuck! Really? I look like I'm going to a funeral?"

"No. I'm sorry. It's the black. I just-. I'm sorry." Kyle fumbled through an explanation/apology.

"Damn it!" Gabe pulled off his tie and headed upstairs to change. When he came back down, Kyle was still there waiting. "How do I look now?"

"What are you dressing up for?"

"An interview." Gabe said and watched as Kyle looked him up and down. 

"Much better. The blue makes you look less formal but you still look professional."

"Really?"

"I'd hire you." Kyle smiled. "What do you do, anyway?"

"I'm an accountant." Gabe said and saw a small nod of Kyle's head. "I know. Not very exciting. But I like numbers and columns so it was either this or play a lot of bingo."

Kyle laughed. "Hey, you gotta do what you love, right? Besides, accounting sounds like a better bet than bingo."

"What do you do?" Gabe asked.

"I'm a mechanic. I've got a shop not too far away. When I asked Phil and Darren if they knew anyone looking for a car, they said that you were in need of one and we came up with the loaner deal. Use it for a while and if you like it we'll talk about a price, if not, no hard feelings."

"I really appreciate this, Kyle. This is beyond nice of you."

"Ah, not really. I'm kinda hoping you'll buy the car." He smiled. Gabe thought he was an attractive man but when he smiled he was drop dead gorgeous. Gabe put a quash on that as quick as he could and took a look at his watch.

"I hate to do this but I've got an interview at one."

"It's only eleven." Kyle said.

"I have to take the train for the first time and I want to leave myself enough time in case I get lost."

"You do remember that I brought over a car for you to use? It's outside, gassed up and ready to go." Gabe grinned.

"Yeah, but I've never driven to the city before. Actually, I've only been to the city once when I was a kid. I'm actually terrified and there's no way I could drive there, especially today."

"Got it." Kyle nodded. "Ok, fine. Where are we going?"




God's Angel Ch. 05



"Huh?" Gabe asked.

"Where are we going? I'll drive you."

"You don't have to do that."

"I know I don't have to. I want to. Where do you have to be at one?" Gabe gave him the mid-town address. "That'll take a half hour tops, but let's give you a good forty-five minutes so we don't have to rush things."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Let me just run back to my house and take care of something and I'll pick you up at twelve or a little after."

"Ok." Gabe said and walked Kyle to the door. "Thanks again for doing this. I sort of didn't want to have to navigate the train system today either. It looked a little intimidating."

"Yeah, it's not that bad but it's better you didn't do it today when you've got something to do. Leave that stress for another day. I'll be back in no time."

Kyle left and Gabe had time to get himself psyched up for the interview. At twelve, the door bell rang again and Gabe was ready.

"Hey." Kyle said as Gabe came out.

"Hey. I still look ok, right?"

"You look fine. You're going to knock 'em dead."

"Ok." Gabe said and followed Kyle to a very sporty looking, newer model Saab. "Wow. Is this the car?"

"It is. It's not a manual, I hope that's ok."

"I can't drive stick." Gabe admitted.

"Really? We'll have to teach you."

The ride to the city wasn't as bad as Gabe thought it would be and he gave Kyle the credit. He seemed to know where he was going and drove the streets like a native.

"Are you from around here?" Gabe asked.

"Nah, I'm from a little backwater town in Alabama. I moved up here when I was twenty-nine. My grandmother died and she left me the house. I needed a change and thought I'd only be up here for a couple of years before I sold the house and found somewhere new. That was almost eight years ago. I sort of fell in love with the area. What about you? Phil and Darren said you're from somewhere upstate?"

"Yeah. About an hour and a half north. Near Woodstock."

"Nice area."

"Yeah, I guess." Gabe didn't offer anything else.

"And?" Kyle prodded.

"And?"

"And why are you down here?"

"I guess, I needed a change too."

"Fair enough." Kyle said.

Gabe turned and watched as they crossed a bridge and were funneled into the great city of Manhattan. It seemed no different now than it had when he was a kid. Then it was larger than life and scary as much as it was wonderful and exhilarating. Gabe watched the buildings and the people go by, the neighborhoods change but the bustle stayed the same.

"We're here." Kyle said and pulled up in front of a large building. "Take my cell phone number and call me when you're done. I should be here by the time you're outside."

"Thanks again, Kyle."

"No problem." He said as Gabe stepped out. "Gabe."

"Yeah?"

"Don't worry. You'll get the job." Gabe smiled and thanked Kyle before heading into the building.

Gabe called Kyle about forty minutes later and told him he was coming down. When he walked out of the building, Kyle was out front leaning up against the Saab. He was smiling and Gabe smiled back.

"How did it go?"

"It went really well. She offered me the job right there. You should see the salary. It's disgusting. I feel bad taking it."

"Not too bad, I hope."

"No, not too bad. I'm going to take the wonderful job, the amazing pay checks, the awesome benefits and the glorious 401K." Gabe leaned back against the Saab next to Kyle and folded his arms in a similar manner.

"Congratulations! This means we'll have to celebrate."

"Ok. Let's celebrate. What do you have in mind?" Gabe asked.

"How do you feel about hot dogs?" Kyle asked.

"Hot dogs?" Gabe asked.

Kyle drove them uptown and pulled over in front of a little hole in the wall called Papaya King. From the way he jumped out of the car and rushed over to open Gabe's door, he was excited. 

"These are the best hot dogs in New York."

"Better than Nathan's?" Gabe asked, being a New Yorker one knows Nathan's reputation.

"I'm not going to lie, Nathan's does make a mean hot dog, but these are better."

Gabe bit into his mustard and onion hot dog and washed it down with a large swallow of papaya juice. 

"This is an amazing hot dog." Gabe felt forced to admit.

"Hell yeah it is." Kyle agreed after taking a sip of some drink called coconut champagne. "But to be fair, you'll also have to try Nathan's."

"I've eaten at Nathan's." Gabe said.

"In Brooklyn?"

"No."

"Then you haven't eaten at Nathan's."

"It's not the same, huh?"

"Is it ever?" Kyle asked. "So, you're in Manhattan for only the second time in your life. What do you want to do?"

"I don't know, honestly. When I was a kid, we came in for a school trip. We saw a Broadway play then went home."

"Jesus, that's it?! All right, so we can pretty much do anything and it'll be new."

"I guess so."

"Then let's get started." Kyle said and ordered two more hot dogs for the road.

Kyle took Gabe to the Guggenheim museum and then for a stroll through Central Park. They rode the Staten Island ferry which passed right by Liberty Island.

"Have you ever been there?" Gabe asked.

"No. Whenever I want to see the Statue of Liberty, I just take a nice little ride on the ferry. Why would I want to go to the island and fight all the tourists. You have to walk up these little stairs with people coming down and then when you get up there, you can't even stop and enjoy the view. People are constantly pushing you to keep moving. That's not for me."

"It doesn't sound too appealing." Gabe said. "What's next?"

Kyle took Gabe to the top of the Empire State building and they stood silently watching the sun set in the west, turning the city into a sea of bright orange buildings. As the sun slipped beneath the horizon, Gabe sighed and watched the evening sky turn dark with dusk.

"That was beautiful."

"Yeah." Kyle said. "It's a great time of day, isn't it? The day ended but the night hasn't really begun. You can take a minute to yourself and think of where you were today and where you'll be tomorrow. I love this time of day."

"Wow, Kyle. Who knew you were so deep?" Gabe smiled.

"Only a very select few." Kyle said and stared into Gabe's eyes who lost his smile. 

"What makes me so special?"

"I haven't decided yet. I just know you are and I'm hoping you'll give me the chance to find out."

"Kyle, you're a nice guy, no. You're an awesome guy and you really make me wish I had something to give right now, but the truth is, I don't. I'm kind of lost. You asked why I moved here, it was because a guy I loved married a woman rather than tell his parents he was gay."

"So you're not ready. That's fine. I can live with that. I think you're worth waiting for." Kyle said.

"It's not just that I'm not ready... I don't know if I'll ever be. I feel broken, in a way. I didn't know.... the guy who got married very long but I he because special to me very quickly and then he just wasn't there anymore. I sort of feel...."

"What do you feel?"

"Nothing. It was stupid. I just don't think I'm a good bet for you." Gabe said and began walking back to the gift shop. Kyle followed and they both packed themselves into a crowded elevator to make the long trip down to the lobby.

"Gabe?" Kyle said from across the elevator.

"Yeah?" Gabe looked over at him.

"It's my decision whether or not to bet on your, right?" Kyle smiled. "I still get to make that choice, right?"

"I guess." 

"Ok. Then I'll wait for you. Why don't you let me know when you're ready." Kyle said. Gabe blushed and looked around at the people in the elevator, most of whom were looking at him. 

"If you ask me," An elderly woman standing next to her husband said. "He's quite a catch."

Gabe smiled weakly and saw Kyle's grin widen. He looked toward the corner of the elevator to hide his embarrassment. It takes roughly two minutes to get down from the top of the Empire State building but to Gabe it felt like forever. When the doors opened, he was glad he was one of the first ones off. Kyle of course, was right beside him as they walked the couple of blocks to the car. They had driven in silence for a while when Kyle spoke.

"Close your eyes."

"Why?"

"Please? I promise I'm not going to do anything inappropriate." Gabe could hear the laughter in his voice.

"Ok." Gabe closed his eyes.

"First, I'd like to say I'm sorry for what I said back there. You're not ready and you probably weren't ready to hear that someone was interested in you. I can be a little aggressive when I like someone."

Gabe opened his eyes.

"You asked me to close my eyes for that?"

"Close your eyes! Hurry!" Gabe did as he was asked. "No, I didn't. But I figured we could get that out of the way."

"Thank you for apologizing, but there's no need. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not ready. I'm sorry I wasted my time on something that apparently wasn't meant to be. I'm sorry for a lot of things." 

"Life's not easy and love can be one of the hardest games out there." Kyle said.

"Yeah, I guess so." 

"All right." Kyle said. "You can open your eyes."

Gabe did and was struck by hundreds of neon signs and giant screens rising up above a horde of people and cars all heading in various directions. His heart pounded a little faster in response to the onslaught of stimulation. The beautiful chaos of it all struck Gabe as almost magical.

"What is this place?" Gabe asked in wonder and awe.

"This is Times Square. The heart of New York City." Kyle said as he drove slowly through, letting Gabe take it all in. 

"Is it like this all the time?"

"No, it's better at night. The lights are brighter."

"Thank you, Kyle."

"You're welcome, Gabe."

The drive home was sedate after all the excitement of the day. Gabe felt a wonderful exhaustion throughout his body. The city had definitely done a number on him. And he would soon be working in it. The thought made him smile again.

"What are you smiling about?" Kyle asked.

"Today was a great day." Gabe gifted Kyle with the same open and free smile. Kyle's heart did a funny jump and his own mouth tugged in a grin of its own accord.

"Today was a really great day."

"Have I said thank you, yet?" Gabe asked.

"About a hundred times." Kyle laughed.

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I'm glad I was able to show you the city. I'm glad it made an impression."

"That it did." Gabe said with certainty.

"I hope I made an impression?" Kyle glanced over but Gabe didn't answer. Kyle steered the car into a drive way and pulled up in front of another beautiful Victorian house, much the same style as Darren and Phil's.

"This is me." Kyle said and laid in hands on his thighs to keep him from pulling Gabe in for a kiss goodnight.

"It's beautiful!" Gabe said and thought it was even more beautiful than his friends. Theirs was newly built in the Victorian style, whereas you could tell Kyle's house had been here for years.

"Thanks. Would you like to come in? See the inside?"

"I would but I'm a little beat. Raincheck?"

"Absolutely." Kyle said and got out of the car. Gabe did, to change to the drivers seat. "You know how to get back to Darren and Phil's?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah, just go out there and take a right?"

"Yup." Kyle said and put his hands in his pockets preparing to watch Gabe drive away.

"You know," Gabe said, leaning out the window of the car. "I don't think I would have had a better time today with anyone else. I guess you did make an impression." 

Kyle smiled until Gabe drove away and for a good deal longer.

Darren and Phil were sitting on the couch in the living room when Gabe walked in. He took off his jacket and flopped down onto the settee. The television was playing one of Darren's programs and Phil had been reading a book but both had pulled their attention away and were staring at Gabe expectantly.

"What?" Gabe smiled, knowing what they wanted.

"Bitch, if you don't tell us what happened I'm gonna kick your ass all over Westchester." Darren said.

"Gentlemen, you are looking at the newest Managing accountant with Bartley, Fitch and Meade."

"You did it!" Darren yelled. "I'm so proud of you!"

"Oh my God!" Phil exclaimed. "No offense, Gabe but I didn't think you'd ever get in there."

"Um, asshole much?" Darren frowned and hit Phil's shoulder.

"No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. They're prestigious and usually take the top of the class from Harvard and shit. I didn't even want to write them down on the list because I thought it'd be a waste of time. It was really a fluke that I even found out they were looking for people."

"No offense taken, Phil. I'm actually not sure why they took me. Tara Knox and I had a really nice long talk and she offered me the position right there. I was stunned."

"Does it pay good?" Darren asked.

"Obscenely." Gabe answered.

"Oh, that's so good! I love obscene pay checks." Darren said and hugged Gabe tightly. Phil smiled and shook Gabe's hand.

"Congratulations, Gabe. I know they'll be lucky to have you. When do you start?"

"Thanks. I start next Monday."

"Now, what else?" Darren asked, with a big smile on his face.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you're obviously driving the Saab so you've met Kyle and your interview was at one and it's almost ten now. Did you get lost for eight hours?"

"No, I didn't get lost for eight hours. Kyle showed me the city."

"What did you do?" Darren asked. Gabe told him all of the things Kyle had shown him. "Oh, that's so nice. He's so nice. If Phil wasn't right here I'd tell you of some very interesting dreams I've had about him."

"Well Phil is here and doesn't want to hear them." Phil said, though he didn't look threatened. "About Kyle, really?"

"Oh he's hot." Darren said.

"Yeah, he's hot." Gabe agreed.

"That dark black hair, that's just a little too long and curls at the back of his neck." Darren said wistfully.

"Or his eyes, I can't tell if they're green or hazel but they sparkle." Gabe sighed just as dramatically as he laid back on the settee.

"The dimple in his chin."

"The dimple in his ass."

"He has a dimple in his ass?" Darren said. "Bitch, you didn't see his ass."

"You don't have to see it, you can see it through his tight jeans. I know it's there. I have faith." Gabe smiled.

"I'm starting to get a little nauseous, girls, so if you don't mind can we talk about something other than Kyle's ass?" Phil said.

"Oh baby, you know there's no one for me but you." Darren said and curled into Phil's arms. "Although, there was one time that I thought Kyle was leaning in for a kiss but he was just grabbing the ketchup."

"I thought he was going to kiss me tonight." Gabe offered.

"Really?" 

"It was on top of the Empire State Building. The sun had just set and he told me he wanted a chance to find out what made me special." Gabe said.

"Oh wow." Darren whispered. "That's so romantic. What did you say?"

"I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship." Gabe said and felt a pillow hit him in his head. "What was that for?"

"For being an ass. Kyle's a great guy!"

"Darren, calm down." Phil said. "Gabe's not ready. Don't push him into something he's not ready for."

"I know. I'm sorry, Gabe. It would just be so cute. You two together just around the corner, us here. We'd be like gay neighbors."

"It's only been two weeks since I moved down here, Darren."

"I know, sweetie. Take your time. I just like the idea of the two of you in my head, you know?"

"I know, but I'm not there yet. In fact the idea of me with anyone, even in your head, scares me." Gabe said. "I've decided that I'm just going to concentrate on my career right now and let everything else be."

"That sounds like a good idea, Gabe." Phil said. "Just keep in mind, sometimes you can give yourself too much time."

Gabe thought of what Phil had said and wondered if he would know how much time was too much. The thought stayed on his mind for sometime but for thoughts of Kyle sneaking in.



God's Angel Ch. 06



Gabe sat in his office, finishing up his work for the day. He had been at Bartley, Fitch and Meade for over two months and though he loved the work, Gabe felt that it was sometimes too much for him. He was going over the few accounts they had given him to review when his supervisor knocked on his open door. He looked up and smiled.

"Hey, Paula."

"Hey Gabe. How are you making out?"

"Not bad. Just still trying to familiarize myself with all of it." Gabe said and waved a hand at the many files on his desk.

"Don't worry. No one expects you to be an expert on them just yet. From what I've seen you're doing a hell of a job. We're all very impressed with that error you found on the Arbuckle Account."

"It wasn't much."

"Yeah, it kind of was. It saved us a hell of a lot of man hours catching it now rather than later. I let the important people know that it was you who found it." Paula said, speaking of the higher ups.

"Thank you. As the new guy, I appreciate that."

"I'm not going to lie, I can be a bitch, but I give credit where credit is due." She said and pulled her pocket book higher on her shoulder. "Come on. Close up and I'll let you walk me out."

"I just wanted to-."

"It's Friday, Gabe. There will be many occasions to pull all nighters in the future. You should see this place from February to May. But for the time being our department has nothing crucial coming up."

Gabe put away the files, closed his computer and grabbed his suit jacket. They walked outside to the parking garage and were about to say goodnight when Gabe stopped.

"Paula, I know I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth but do you have any idea why they chose me? I mean, I'm sure there were people with more impressive qualifications."

"No offense Gabe, but I asked that very question. It seems you and Mr. Fitch have a mutual friend."

"Who's that?" Gabe asked, wondering who he and Mr. Fitch could possibly both know. 

"Loretta Makepeace."

"Who?"

"Loretta Makepeace. You are Gabriel Donovan, right? We didn't hire the wrong person, not that there's much we could do about it now."

"I'm Gabriel Donovan, but I'm not sure I know a Loretta Makepeace is."

"She's.... well, she's." Paula struggled to describe her, but then smiled. "That's funny. She's right over there. Getting into the car with Mr. Fitch."

Gabe turned and saw an older black woman speaking with the owner of his company. She turned her head and spotted Gabe, smiled and waved then went back to speaking. 

"You know her, right?" Paula asked.

"I know her." Gabe said.

"Thank God, I thought I was going to have to fire you." Paula smiled. "Have a great weekend, Gabe." She said and walked off to her car.

Gabe watched the woman who called herself God and Mr. Fitch step into the limousine and drive off. He shook his head, then went to find his own car. 

He pulled into the driveway and was surprised by the amount of cars there. Apparently, Darren and Phil were having some friends over. Gabe grabbed his briefcase and headed into the house. The music was blasting, the smell of good food was tantalizing and the sound of conversation was welcoming. Gabe threw his jacket on the banister and placed his briefcase down before heading into the back yard to see what was up. Kyle saw him first and smiled..

"Hey you. We were wondering when you'd get home."

"My boss let me go a little early tonight." Gabe said and took a look around. 

Many, but not all of Darren and Phil's friends were here. Some twenty gay man between the ages of 22 and 69 enjoying the food and companionship of an impromptu back yard party. Darren saw him and came rushing over.

"Hey, I hope this is ok."

"Darren, it's your house. You can have parties if you want to." Gabe said as if talking to a child.

"I know, but we didn't even get to tell you about it. It was really last minute. You see we invited Kyle over for dinner so you guys could.... talk, but Terry overheard and wanted to come. So then I invited a few more people over so that it wasn't just us and Terry and before I knew it, everyone was telling everyone that we were having a kegger."

"Jesus, it's still like high school, isn't it?" Gabe smiled.

"Like you'd know. You never went to a kegger in high school."

"I went to Donna Burhans' party in junior year."

"The one where Eric Nettleman threw up on her mom's couch?"

"Yeah."

"That wasn't a kegger." Darren said, and scoffed dismissively. "That was a bunch of kids with a case of Coors Light and a bottle of Donna's mom's peach schnapps."

"Well, still I was there."

"Whatever. Anyway, I've been trying to keep Terry away from Kyle but it's been hard not being obvious and Phil is being totally uncooperative. So, go upstairs, slip into something sexy and get your ass down here pronto."

"Darren, I appreciate what you're trying to do but we're all adults here and if Kyle's interested in Terry than he can talk to him. He can even sleep with him. It's ok." Gabe glanced quickly over at Kyle and the man he was speaking with. "Is Terry a thirty year old bleach blonde with a hot pink tank top?"

"He's twenty-eight, but yeah."

"Ah." Gabe said and started mentally going through his wardrobe thinking of a suitable outfit.

"Get upstairs and change." Darren said and pushed him through the door.

Gabe came down a couple minutes later having chosen to dress casually and let the chips fall where they may. Though he felt in his heart that he wasn't ready, he had hoped that Kyle would be available when he was, but that wasn't fair to ask of anyone. If Kyle chose Terry, then he wished them well. Stepping onto the back deck, Gabe saw them both still speaking and decided to leave them undisturbed and snag some food before it was all gone. He had never understood how all the food could disappear with everyone claiming to be dieting.

"Hey." Said a voice behind him. He turned and found Kyle standing next to him, a beer in hand.

"Hey. What's going on?"

"The usual. You mind doing me a solid?"

"Depends. That's still a metaphor for favor right?" Gabe smiled and Kyle grinned back. 

"Yeah. I'll leave any other possible inferences up to you." Gabe lowered his eyes and tried unsuccessfully not to blush. 

"What's this `solid' you want?"

"Just talk to me. Terry's been at me for the last hour and a half trying to get me to ask him out and that's only since we've been here."

"He seems like a nice guy." Gabe said, hoping he sounded impartial.

"Have you actually met him?"

"No. I haven't."

"He's a spoiled trust fund kid who's parents think the sun rises and sets in his ass. He's been after me for the last eight months, when he's not seeing some other guy and sometimes when he is. He brings his car to be serviced every month. I swear, he alone has bought me a new three bay garage with lifts." Gabe laughed.

"Maybe I should go talk to him and see who handles his trust fund. Maybe he'd like to switch. If I could bring in a new account I'd be sitting in roses."

"Put down the calculator and unplug for a moment." Kyle said and popped a stuffed mushroom cap into Gabe's mouth. "We're talking about me and how to get me away from him."

"Ok." Gabe said around the surprisingly delicious appetizer. "So you don't like him because he's pushy? I thought you liked aggressive guys?"

"No, I like being aggressive. There's a difference. I know it's retarded but it kind of turns me off when I'm pursued."

"Ah, you like the chase and the hunt."

"You make me sound like a neanderthal who has to be watched so he doesn't go around clubbing his mates."

"If the shoe fits." Gabe couldn't resist and had a wicked smile on his face. Kyle laughed.

"I just might make you pay for that."

"Sorry, but you walked into it. Have you tried being honest with him?"

"I thought about that but saying that I'm not interested in him is just going to make him ask why not."

"And you'd have to tell him that you don't like being pursued." Gabe nodded.

"No, I'd have to tell him that I'm interested in another man." Kyle said and locked eyes with Gabe who felt a pang of nervousness. "It's ok, Gabe. I'm not pushing. I can wait."

"Kyle-." Gabe started but was interrupted.

"Kyle?" Terry said as he came over and stood next to them. "I was waiting for you to come back."

"I'm sorry Terry. I thought I'd mingle a little." Kyle said. "I don't think you guys have met. Terry Thompson, Gabe Donovan."

"Nice to meet you, Terry." Gabe said and offered a hand, which was ignored.

"Kyle, could I talk to you for a minute?" Terry said and walked off expecting Kyle to follow. 

"Still think he's a nice guy?" Kyle asked.

"I'd shoot the bitch but it's not my party. It'd be sort of rude, you know? Listen, why don't you go try to calm him down a little, if you're not back in two minutes I'll send Darren to go get you."

"You'd better or I'll have your ass." Kyle started walking off but turned around with a big smile on his face. "I'll leave the possible inferences up to you."

Gabe laughed and watched him walk over to an obviously irate Terry. He used the time to walk around the party for a bit and get introduced to some of Darren and Phil's friends that he hadn't met but kept an eye on Terry and Kyle who's conversation did not seem to be going well. He walked up to Darren and pulled him aside.

"Terry looks like he's about to hit the fan. Can you go save Kyle?"

"Oh fuck. He does this at every party. No one even invites him anymore. I just couldn't see a way around it. Damn, social mores!" Darren cursed and went to extricate Kyle from the situation. 

It didn't take long before Terry was screaming and making a scene. The drama, of course was eaten up by the other guests, but for Gabe it was an embarrassing moment that he somehow felt pulled into the middle of. And that was before Terry started mentioning him by name.

"And you're going to choose Gabriel the slut over me?! He moves here from some bumfucked place up north and mooches off of Phil and Darren; living at their house, driving their car, eating their food. I'm fucking sick of it!"

"Terry, shut your mouth! That's enough!" Kyle said, but Darren was livid and pushed passed Kyle to stand in front of Terry. 

"Gabe is a guest in my house and no one, certainly not you, will say shit about him! It's been long passed your time to leave!"

"Darren! We're best friends!" Terry cried. "You're actually going to let that little cunt stay here and kick me out?!" 

"I told-" Darren had lowered his voice and was obviously restraining himself from causing physical harm. "No one says anything about Gabe! Now take your canker sore ridden ass out of here!"

Terry was escorted out by some guests who realized that he wasn't going to go on his own. His irate shrieks could be heard from the front driveway as he was being helped into his car. 

"Darren, I'm so sorry." Gabe said.

"For what? You didn't do shit! That piece of crap wasn't welcome here in the first place and will never come back here, my hand to God! You don't have anything to be sorry for. Now that the drama's done, let's get back to the party."

The last guest left around three in the morning and Gabe sighed as the door closed behind them. He had been struggling to stay awake for the last two. The food had been put away and most of the party was cleaned up but for the trash and empty bottles. Darren, Phil, Kyle and Gabe all crashed on the couch and gave themselves a minute just to zone out.

"Well, that was a party." Darren said, though no one really had the energy to agree.

"I'd help clean up but I'm beat." Gabe said.

"Don't worry about it. We'll do it in the morning. Or the afternoon. Or Sunday. Whichever comes first." Darren said.

"I didn't ask, but I'm hoping it's cool if I stay over?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah, anytime." Phil said. "The other spare room's made up, right Darren?"

"I made it up earlier in case someone did need to stay and Kyle, you never have to ask. You've an open invitation."

"Cool." Kyle said and closed his eyes. Darren caught Gabe's gaze and wriggled his eyebrows. Gabe frowned as if to say, piss off.

"Well kids, I'm thinking it's time for me to go to bed." Darren pulled himself up. "Coming, baby?"

"Only if you pull me up." Phil said and Darren helped him up off the couch. They walked upstairs together with their arms around each other.

"They're cute." Gabe said.

"Yeah, they've always been like that. Once Darren met Phil they fell for each other like a ton of bricks." 

"Kyle, about Terry."

"I don't want to talk about Terry. He's an ass."

"Be that as it may, I feel guilty."

"What could you possibly feel guilty about Terry for?"

"Not so much about Terry as about you. I feel like I'm making you wait for me and I don't know when I'll be ready to have a relationship. I couldn't be with someone just to be with them, especially since I'm getting over someone else. That'd be wrong."

"You're not making me wait, Gabe. I've chosen to wait for you."

"There's nothing I can say or do to make you change your mind?"

"Do you want to make me change my mind?"

"I think I should. It's the right thing to do." Gabe said and saw that Kyle seemed like he was getting angry.

"Well, I guess if you looked at me and told me that you couldn't imagine a future for us ever that would do it." Kyle said and Gabe looked away. "Can you do that, Gabe?"

"No." Gabe felt like he was fucking everything up, making Kyle mad and not being able to let him go when he was given the opportunity. Kyle sighed.

"I've been there, Gabe. I've been hung up over a guy and not ready to move on. You have people telling you to get out there and live and meet people and you feel like going home, listening to depressing music and sleeping. I understand. I'm not asking you for anything, Gabe, other than to just let me wait and be your friend." Kyle stood up from the couch and leaned over and placed a chase kiss on Gabe's lips.

"Good night, Gabriel."

"Good night, Kyle." 

Gabe went to sleep with the soft feel of Kyle's lips on his. 

Gabe woke up the next morning and headed down to the kitchen. He found Darren and Phil sitting around the kitchen island drinking coffee and held out his hand as Darren handed him a cup. 

"Thank you." He said after taking the first sip. 

"Not a problem." Darren answered. 

"Kyle's not up yet?" Gabe asked.

"He sleeps like the dead. If he doesn't have something to do, he won't get up till two. And he's a bear if you try to get him up earlier."

"How do you know?" Darren asked.

"He's been my friend for seven years. I've occasionally had to go over and wake him up."

"Phil, have you and Kyle ever...?" Darren asked.

"No!" Phil said.

"You sure. The only reason I'd be mad is cause you didn't tell me sooner."

"We never did anything!" Phil said and rose to get more coffee.

"Who never did anything?" Kyle asked as he came down the stairs.

"You and Phil never slept together." Darren said.

"No!" Kyle said as if he had never considered the idea. "We were buddies and then you came along. It just never happened."

"Just checking." Darren said and kissed Phil's cheek who looked at his husband as if he weren't sure whether to laugh or check him into a mental ward. 

They finished cleaning from the party and by the time they were done, had rid themselves of the last bits of their hangovers. The thought of food became appetizing.

"Why don't we order pizza?" Gabe suggested.

"I couldn't do pizza tonight." Darren said. "What about that Thai place in town?"

"No Thai. There's only two Thai things I eat and I have to be in the mood for them." Kyle said.

"What about Chinese?" Phil suggested.

"Nah." Gabe shook his head. "I've been eating Chinese for lunch for the last two weeks. I'm done."

"I know." Kyle said with a smile. "City Island."

"Oh God, yeah! We haven't been to City Island in forever." Darren smiled.

"Sounds good to me." Phil added.

"What's City Island?" Gabe asked.

"You'll have to see it to believe it." Kyle said and they packed into the car and headed toward the Bronx.

They were in the middle of an urban area populated with large apartment buildings when Kyle turned off on an exit marked City Island. In a minute they were surrounded by a small wooded area and then crossed a small bridge onto a quaint little fishing village which reminded Gabe of Cape Cod. For this to be so close to the city caught him by surprise and the magic of it delighted him. Kyle drove to the end of the main street which literally ran into the Long Island Sound and parked at a restaurant just off to the side.

"They make great food here." Kyle smiled and walked along side Gabe as Darren walked along side Phil. 

The four of them walked into the seafood restaurant and Gabe looked a little dubious at the long line of people in front of them. 

"It goes quick." Kyle said, guessing what Gabe was thinking. "They've got twenty guys behind the counter. It's worth the wait."

"All right, I guess I'll have to trust you." Gabe smiled. 

"You don't trust me yet?" Kyle smiled back and his eyes caught Gabe's. They suddenly weren't speaking of food. Gabe was saved from having to say anything when one of the guys behind the counter asked Kyle what he wanted. 

Kyle got a plate of fried scallops, Darren's choice was fried shrimp, Phil ordered porgies and Gabe chose a combo plate. They took their trays with their plates piled high with fish and fries and headed out to the back patio to sit in the sun and look out over the bay. Kyle and Phil took their drink orders and headed back into the bar. Gabe took a deep breath of sea air and smiled as he bit into a fried clam.

"So?" Darren asked.

"Oh don't start that shit. If you have a question just ask it." Gabe answered.

"Oh my God! Calm down, bitch. I just wanted to see how you and Kyle were doing?"

"What's to see? We're not in a relationship and I don't know if or when we will be."

"But you like him." Darren stated.

"Yeah, I like him. I just feel like I'm going to fuck it up because I don't know if I can let myself love anyone right now. I don't think I can trust anyone right now."

"Me thinks the bitch doth protest too much."

"Cut it out, you sound like a fag."

"I'm just being nosy and checking up on you both. You guys looked like you were having a good time."

"Can't that be all were having? Isn't that enough?"

"Yeah, baby. I'm sorry. You'll move on when you're ready. I get a little crazy sometimes." Darren said and Gabe felt his hurt, which made him feel like a piece of shit.

"Hey, I'm sorry. You're looking out for me and you want to see me happy. I get that. I love you and I love Phil. That's enough love in my life for right now." Gabe gave Darren a hug. "You guys have been great friends."

"Well, what are ex lovers for?" Darren asked.

"We just kissed once, freak. Get over yourself." They were laughing as Kyle and Phil came back with the drinks.

"What's so funny?" Phil asked.

"Your boyfriend was hitting on me again." Gabe said.

"If he starts humping your leg just spray him with a water bottle." Phil answered and Darren flipped him off.

"Does it work?" Kyle asked, laughing.

"No, but it stops you from getting friction burns." Gabe said and they all laughed as Darren pretended to be pissed off. 

They ate and stayed sitting on the back deck of the restaurant till the sun set and then decided to make their way home. They piled in the car, Gabe and Kyle in the front, Darren and Phil in the back. None of them spoke for a while, feeling tired and delighted with the day. Gabe heard a noise coming from the back and turned his head to see Phil and Darren making out. He smiled and nudged Kyle who glanced back quickly. 

"They think they're still in high school." He said and Gabe chuckled.




God's Angel Ch. 06



"Fuck you guys." Darren said, barely removing his mouth from his husbands.

"No hickeys, you two. That's just juvenile." Gabe added.

"I don't mind a hickey once in a while." Kyle said and smiled at Gabe. 

"Really? I would totally have pegged you as a `Don't mark me' kind of guy." said Gabe.

"Nah. A little love bite is a mark that you belong to someone. I don't mind belonging to someone as long as it's the right one."

"But how do you know when it's the right one?" Gabe asked.

"Well, that takes faith. It's a risk but there's so much to gain that it's worth it." Kyle reached over and took Gabe's hand and held in on his thigh as he drove. Gabe felt a bit uncomfortable and tried to pull it back.

"Friends can hold hands, Gabe."

"Friends can. But we're not really friends, are we?"

"What else would we be?"

"Well, friends don't usually have conversations about waiting for one another or how they should remain just friends."

"True, that's probably not a typical conversation between friends. A common one, I bet, but not a typical one."

Gabe relaxed and left his hand in Kyle's. It felt nice to have another person to touch, the warmth of another person to feel. They held hands the entire way home but didn't speak until Kyle pulled into the driveway and shut off the car. Darren and Phil got out, said their good nights and ran into the house like horny teenagers. Gabe and Kyle remained, hands still clasped.

"I had a really good time, Kyle. That place was great."

"I'm glad. I've been wanting to take you there for a while, but the opportunity never came." 

"I'm glad it came tonight."

"Gabe, can I ask you a question?"

"I think I'm going to regret this but, yeah."

"Are you not ready because of `the guy' or are you not ready because of `you'?"

"What's the difference?" Gabe asked.

"One means you're still dealing with his stuff, the other means you're dealing with your stuff." Kyle turned and looked into Gabe's eyes. "So?"

"I don't know how to answer that." 

"You could try honestly." 

"Are you saying I'm not honest?"

"No, I'm saying you could tell me how you really feel."

"Wait a minute," Gabe said, pulling his hand back. "I thought we had this settled. I thought when I told you that I wasn't ready that I had done my part, been honest and basically let you go do whatever you needed to do. You're the one who said you wanted to wait. Why is this suddenly about me not being honest?"

"Hold on, I'm not saying you're not being honest and I know you're not ready and yeah, I said I'd wait. I meant it, too. But I just want to know why I'm waiting? Why am I waiting- Why are we waiting when we could both be seeing what we could mean to each other?"

"Listen, I can't tell you or anyone else in any way clearer than `I'm not ready'."

"But you're not answering my question. You don't think I deserve an answer?" Kyle asked, clearly getting upset at how the conversation was going. 

"I think you deserve a lot, Kyle and I think that you should find someone better than me to give it to you."

"Well, I picked you and I'm going to fight for what I know can be an life-changing connection between us, a LIFE-DEFINING connection." Gabe sat stunned at Kyle's passionate declaration and Kyle sat silent feeling a bit exposed. "I just want to know if it's because of him or you that's you're not ready. That's all."

"It's because of me." Gabe whispered and got out of the car.

As he closed the front door of the house behind him, he heard Kyle's car start and pull out of the driveway. He cried that night for the first time since the wedding.

Gabe woke the next day and slipped out early before Darren and Phil were even up for a walk. He knew where he was going and he knew that she would be there. And she was, he saw, sitting on the bench overlooking the river. 

"Good morning." She said.

"Morning."

"You look horrible."

"Bad night sleep."

"Hmm." Was all she said in response.

"Why am I waiting?" Gabe asked God, almost ready to admit that she was the Divine as long as she had an answer.

"Because you don't think you can be loved." God answered simply. "Despite everything I've tried to tell you, despite the amount of times that I've said I loved you, you don't believe it. You have very little faith left Gabe."

"But I want to be loved so badly." 

"I know you do, but it's a contradiction in human nature that something wanted is the one thing that people don't allow themselves. I'm not condoning hedonism, mind you, that never gets anyone very far."

"Why do we do it then?"

"Fear. Fear of being vulnerable because of the thing wanted, fear of the loss of the thing wanted, fear of rejection of the thing wanted. Fear of not being worthy of the thing wanted. Humans fear a great many things." God shook her head.

"What do I fear?"

"You fear that you are not worthy of love and that you'll be rejected again." 

"How do I stop being scared?" 

"You have to realize that you are worthy and that no matter how many times you are rejected you still deserve to be loved." God said and laid a hand on Gabe's shoulder.

"And how do I do that?"

"You love with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your soul."

"I don't think I can do that."

"I wouldn't have told you if I knew you couldn't do it. You have an incredible capacity for love within you. You can do it."

"I'm not ready."

"To what? Love? Why do you need to be ready to love? How does one prepare to love?"

"I've been hurt."

"Love cures hurt and pain. Love forgives and heals. Love brings wisdom and truth. Love warms the heart and cools anger. That's what they mean when they say `Love conquers all'. True love, selfless love will conquer all."

"So you're telling me I should be with Kyle? You're telling me I should take a risk?"

"Love is never a risk. Love is simply loving. It's when people love to receive love back that it becomes a gamble. And as to being with Kyle, is that what you want?"

"You told me to love with all my heart, mind and soul! Who am I going to love if not Kyle?"

"Everyone. Why not start small? There are so many people out there who need love. Why can't you simply be there a little more for people? Take the time to see them a little clearer? Give them aid when you can? Sometimes just a friendly ear or a strong shoulder is enough."

"That will help me?"

"It will."

"I guess I could give it a try."

"You were more enthusiastic when I asked you to help out at the soup kitchen."

"I thought it couldn't hurt."

"Giving love freely never does, dear." God said and stood and walked away. 

Gabe filled the next few weeks with work, staying at the office late and getting in early. His supervisor, Paula mentioned it a couple times suggesting he not spend all of his time at the office, but Gabe felt comfortable there, in control. His hard work was applauded by others in the office, but Paula would just grumble something about him becoming `burnt out' and leave him alone. But he didn't think he was going to burn out. How could numbers and figures ever hurt him? You placed them where they were supposed to go, they acted in the only way they could which was true to their nature, and if there was an error you simply corrected them. They were a great deal easier than dealing with human drama. 

"All right, Gabriel Donovan. I'm pulling rank." Paula said as she marched into his office.

"I'm sorry?" 

"You're coming with me. We've got to go meet a client we do pro bono work for. They've got some discrepancies that we need fixed before we put the forms through."

"Paula, I know you're my boss but I'm-."

"That's why it's called `pulling rank'. Come on." She said and walked out the door without waiting to see if Gabe followed. 

He followed her down the elevator and out to her car, which she drove like a speed demon bent on killing every pedestrian she could. Gabe was fearful for his life.

"I wanted to get you out of the office. It's not really p.c. to tell employees not to work so hard but I'm worried for you kid. You're doing a great job. Why are you killing yourself?" Paula asked as she aimed her B.M.W. toward a bike messenger. 

"I'm going through a lot in my life and work keeps me distracted. The more I'm distracted, the less I have to think about my problems."

"And the less you have to deal with them." She said and veered into another lane seconds before totaling her car and the taxi that pulled out in front of her.

"Something like that."

"Well, that's running away. Look, I've been there. You don't work as a C.P.A. and not have problems in your love life. Dates either consider you as some sort of lower life form because you can do math in your head, or the person you do land up catching doesn't understand why you're emotionally unavailable during tax season. Course there's also the myth that accountants have no imagination."

"I'm pretty sure that's a statistical fact." Gabe said and grabbed the oh-shit-handle by the door.

"Don't interrupt. Anyway, love lives suck no matter who you are. Eventually you're heart becomes engaged and it's just a ticking time bomb till someone fucks up. And someone always fucks up. It's not nice, it's not pleasant but it's the truth. You can't hide yourself away just cause some asshole hurt you, and correct me if I'm wrong but this would be an asshole of the male variety?" Paula asked, pointedly.

"Um... yeah."

"Cool. I'm hip. So, you hear what I'm saying?" Paula finished her soliloquy and gunned the gas to slide into a parking space before another car could finish parallel parking.

"I'm trying to but all I've been able to think about since getting into the car with you is that I seriously need to change my life insurance beneficiary." Gabe said, trying to unclench his hands from the handle and his bowels from fear.

"I know. I kinda have a lead foot."

"I was going to say death wish, but if you prefer." Gabe's face was still pale. Paula laughed.

"I really like you, Gabe. You fit in well and you're a hard worker. But I don't want to see you spend all your time at the office, especially now. You should be getting out and meeting people."

"Actually Paula, there is someone. He's nice, gorgeous and he's into me."

"Marry him."

"He scares me to death."

"Yeah, the good ones usually do." She said, grabbed her briefcase and headed toward a nondescript building with a faded sign reading. `Tribeca Women's Shelter'. 

Gabe followed his supervisor's purposeful stride into the building and assumed that it had once seen better days. The paint on the walls was chipping off and the floors had been cleaned as best they could but still showed signs of the passing of too many feet. Women walked the hallways, some looking relieved, others looking as if they had given up their spirit long ago. Some held the hands of little children and had a spark of determination in their eyes, for their children's sake, if not for their own. Gabe was struck with sympathy. Paula led the way into an office with a desk, two chairs, and more files than Gabe currently had on his desk. In the middle of the files sat a woman who looked like she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. 

"Paula." The woman said in greeting.

"Helen." Paula responded.

"To what do I owe this visit?" The woman asked. 

"Your files, Helen. They suck."

"You try filling out all this paperwork and then come to be about my files sucking. Of course they suck."

"Calm down, we just have some questions."

"I'm calm, honey and I'll try to have the answers but it's not like I'm running a for profit here. You might have to take what you can get."

Paula and Gabe sat with Helen and did their best to correct the discrepancies. It took over two hours which put them passed the end of their day when Paula finally admitted she was satisfied.

"It must be nice working nine to five." Helen chuckled.

"It's not bad." Paula agreed. "Bartley, Fitch and Meade really do admire your work here. That's why we do what we can."

"I know. Please tell Bartley, Fitch and Meade that we appreciate all their help as well as their generous donations."

They left the office when Gabe was distracted by the sound of someone crying. He looked over his shoulder and saw a small girl sitting on the floor, clutching her arms around her bent legs. He stopped and knelt down next to her.

"Are you ok, sweetie?" The girl shook her head. "Do you hurt somewhere?" Again, the girl shook her head. "Are you sad?"

"Yes." The girl answered. Gabe turned and saw that Paula looked impatient to leave.

"I'll take the subway back, Paula."

"Sure?"

"Yeah."

"All right. I'll see you later." Paula left and Gabe sat down on the floor next to the little girl.

"What's your name?"

"Darlene."

"Mine's Gabe. You want to talk about why y you're sad?" The girl shook her head. "Sometimes talking about it can help."

"Can it stop my daddy hurting my mom?" She asked.

"No. Not usually." 

"Then I don't want to talk about it."

"How old are you Darlene?" 

"Eight."

"That's really young to have seen the things you've seen. People hurting other people is horrible, isn't it?"

"Yeah. My mommy hurt so bad she had to go to the hospital. Then my daddy hit me when she got home and she brought me here."

"She did that cause she loves you."

"She didn't love my daddy?"

"She probably did but sometimes people have a sickness in them that makes them hurt so bad they do bad things. You're daddy had it."

"Why's he sick?"

"I don't know, sweetie."

"Will he get better?"

"I don't know. Probably not. People like your daddy just hurt so much that they keep hurting others. That's why your mommy brought you here. So he couldn't hurt you or her again. But you know what?"

"What?"

"The people here are going to try to help you and your mommy so that you can go somewhere safe and not have to worry. You can start over and take care of each other. I know that probably doesn't sound so good now but soon it will."

"Will I get to see my daddy again?"

"If you want to, when you're older and stronger. But he probably won't be healthy yet so you'll have to be careful and not see him until you're old enough to take care of yourself. Ok?"

"Ok." The little girl gave a shaky sigh. Gabe wiped her tears. 

"You'll be fine, sweetie." He said and smiled. The girl got up and walked down the hallway toward her rooms.

Gabe stood and turned around to see Helen standing in the doorway. "I'm sorry. She was crying."

"Sorry? What do you have to be sorry for? I was going to offer you a job."

"I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle this all day."

"Honey, I'm not strong enough to handle this all day." She said and returned back to her office.

Gabe turned around and saw a little boy standing in the hallway smiling at him. He smiled back.

"Hi." He said. "What's your name?"

"You know me, Gabriel. I'm very proud of you. It was a good start to talk to one so young and help her shoulder her burden for a little while." The vocabulary was inconsistent with the boys age and the way he spoke struck Gabe as familiar.

Gabe sank to his knee and frowned at the impossibility of what he was thinking.

"I know you?" He asked.

"Of course you do." The little boy said and came closer. He placed his little hands on either side of Gabe's face. "All my children know me."

"You can't be..." Gabe said and stood up and back from the boy.

"Why not? Because I appear as a child? I've already told you I'm trying to make you see a larger truth."

"I can't do this. I have to leave." Gabe turned and started walking out the door.

"It's your choice, Gabriel. I love you anyway." God said, and watched Gabe walk out the door.

Gabe thought of what had happened the entire train ride back to his office and the entire drive home. When he walked in the door he was greeted by the cacophony of dogs barking and Darren asking him how his day went. Gabe walked to the wet bar and poured himself a whiskey from Phil's personal decanter. He drained it quickly.

"What happened? You look like you've seen a ghost." 

"Darren, how do you know if you're crazy?"

"I'm sure there are many ways but the first couple that come to mind are auditory and visual hallucinations and thinking you're Napoleon. Why? Feeling crazy?"

"Kind of. I'm starting to think something that can't be true."

"Something that can't be true or shouldn't be true?" Phil asked as he came in from the kitchen.

"I don't know. Both? Maybe?" Gabe answered.

"Does it effect you personally? Can you function and still have this thought?" Phil asked.

"I guess so. Yeah."

"Does this thought disrupt your morals or your social ethics?"

"Um...no. It actually kind of strengthens them."

"I would say you're fine. Just deal with the thought as best you can until you can either disprove it or accept it. Keeping an open but critical mind might help too." Phil said as he sat on the couch.

"Honey, when did you get all psychology smart like?" Darren asked.

"I took some psych classes in college. Never really liked it but it kind of came back to me when Gabe was talking crazy."

"You were like Peppermint Patty when she gets out her little psychologists stand." Darren smiled, then frowned as Gabe started walking away. "Where are you going? I thought you thought you were crazy?"

"I just might be. I've got to make a call." Gabe said and went to his room.

He held the phone in his hand for an hour as he drummed up the courage to dial. He hadn't seen Kyle much since they had the discussion in the car and when Darren and Phil invited him over for dinner he had begun refusing. Gabe drew in a breath and let it out slowly as he dialed. When the phone started ringing he lost his nerve but was too slow to hang up.

"Hello?" Kyle answered.

"Kyle, this is Gabe." There was silence. "Gabriel Donovan, I'm staying with Darren and Phil? You lent me a car?"

"Yeah. I know. I'm just surprised to be hearing from you."

"You haven't been over lately." Gabe stated.

"No. I thought it best to give you- give us a little space. If you didn't need space then I guess the space was for me."

"I did need space, actually and I appreciate you giving it to me."

"Yeah, well I'm here to help." Gabe winced at Kyle's snide tone. This wasn't going as well as he hoped it would. Kyle sighed. "I'm sorry, Gabe. You didn't deserve that. I had a really bad day and I'm sorry to take it out on you. I was about to take a shower and cook some dinner when you called. What's on your mind?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's ok, really." Kyle chuckled. "Now I feel like an ass. I told you, it was a really bad day. I'm glad you called. I actually missed hearing your voice."

"Did you?"

"Yeah."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be sure?"

"Our previous discussion didn't go so hot."

"Well, I shouldn't have pushed you. I thought about that a lot and you were right. I said I'd wait, which is my decision and then I tried to push you into something. That wasn't right and I'm sorry."

"I'm not." Gabe said and closed his eyes praying for strength. 

"You're not what?"

"I'm not sorry you tried to push me."

"You're not?" Kyle asked.

"No, actually, I was sort of calling to ask you out."

"Ask me out? Like on a date?"

"Or ask you to ask me out, since I know you like to be the one to pursue."

"Really? Are you sure? You're not just doing this cause I said something the other night?"

"No. Yes. All of it. I think I needed a little kick in the ass and I've realized today that I need to be more courageous and fight for what I want, so...."

"Jesus, Gabe. It sounds like you're going off to war." Kyle laughed which made Gabe smile.

"Will you please put me out of my misery and just ask me out or hang up?" Gabe pleaded.




God's Angel Ch. 06



"No."

"No?"

"No, I'm not going to. I know I said I like being the pursuer but the fact that you asked me is kind of cool. Why don't you ask me again?"

"Why? I already asked you."

"You sort of asked me. I'm really not sure you ever came out and said `Kyle, would you go out with me' or something like that."

"Oh Go-." Gabe frowned and looked around his room. He hoped that taking the Lord's name in vain wasn't one of the solid commandments. "Kyle, would you like to go out with me sometime?"

"I would love to go out with you sometime, Gabriel. When did you have in mind?"

"Um.... I hadn't actually thought passed the asking part. When do you have free?"

"I know it's a little sudden but I haven't eaten yet and I was just about to jump in the shower. How about tonight?"

"Tonight's fine." Gabe said and swallowed nervously. He was usually very comfortable with Kyle but tonight was different. Tonight was going to be different.

"Pick me up in an hour and a half?"

"Sounds great."

"Yeah, it does. See you then." 

"Bye." Gabe hung up the phone and let out the breath he was holding. "Holy shit."

Gabe ran around trying to get ready as quickly as possible. He ran through his shower routine faster than ever and still had an hour and twenty minutes to decide what to wear. By the time he had, he only had fifteen minutes to get to Kyle's house. Gabe made his way downstairs and found Darren and Phil in the living room.

"Wow! What are you all duded up for?" Darren asked.

"I've got a date tonight." Gabe answered.

"With who?" Darren asked frowning.

"Kyle." 

"Oh my God!" Gabe winced at Darren's exclamation. "This is awesome! We should take pictures. This is like your prom!! Oh honey, I'm so proud!!" 

Darren flew around the room, getting the camera and hugging him while Gabe and Phil just watched with amused expressions on their faces. 

"He is REALLY gay." Gabe said to Phil.

"I know, but it's cute." Phil smiled. "Congrats on the date. You feeling good about it?"

"Yeah, believe it or not. I feel... nervous but good nervous, not queasy I'm going to throw up in the car or I'm under an emotional attack nervous."

"Well, that's good." Phil nodded.

"I didn't even hear the phone ring. When did he ask you?" Darren asked, rushing back to take a picture.

"He didn't. I asked him."

"You did what?" Darren paused. "You asked Kyle out?"

"Yeah."

"And he said yes?"

"Yeah."

"Kyle hates when guys ask him out. He's a dinosaur who thinks `southern gentlemen should do the askin'."

"Well, I did and he said yes. Actually, I kind of asked him out but then told him to ask me out cause he likes asking people out and he said that me asking him out was sort of cool and so I did and he said yes." Gabe explained.

"Wow. Ok. New directions for everyone tonight." Darren said, eyebrows raised.

"No Glee references till Tuesday! You know I hate it when you do that." Phil said.

"It wasn't a Glee- oh yeah, it was. But I didn't mean it. I just meant that things seem to be changing for people around here and that's a good thing."

"Have an awesome time on your date, sweetie." Darren said and hugged Gabe one last time.

Gabe ran to the car and peeled out as he sped to Kyle's house to make it on time.

Darren and Phil stood in the doorway after he had driven away, Darren with a wistful look on his face and Phil with a smile.

"They're going to make a beautiful couple and adopt some absolutely GORGEOUS Asian kids." Darren said.

"Yeah. They're living the gay American dream." Phil agreed.



God's Angel Ch. 07



---Sorry this has taken me so long, folks!! The fact that this story is still unfinished has never been far from my mind. Just to let you know, there's probably one, possibly two more chapters but I'll try to get them out as soon as I can. Also, this Chpt is dedicated to Jul-ri! Thanks for the help man! Also, I quoted your email a bit so I hope you take it for the homage it's meant to be! As always, everyone, enjoy, comment, and vote!!! THANKS!!!---



Gabe jumped out of the car at Kyle's and ran up to the door. Once he pressed the button for the door bell his heart jumped. He was nervous suddenly thinking of the change in their relationship. He prayed he was making the right decision, that he was ready, that he wouldn't get hurt and God forbid he get hurt again. The door swung open and Kyle stood there smiling. 

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Come on in." Kyle stepped back and allowed Gabe to enter. 

The foyer was beautiful with old original wood sanded and stained to compliment the house's authenticity. A Persian runner led the way back into the rest of the house. 

"Let me just put my shoes on and then we can go." Kyle said. "Where are we eating?"

"Darren and Phil suggested Di Luna's. Is that o.k.?"

"Yeah, that's great. I haven't been there yet. Been meaning to try it out but I've always been too busy."

"Great." Gabe said, still trying to relax. "You look really good." 

"Thanks." Kyle smiled again. "You look hot as hell."

"This ol' thing?" Gabe joked. "Thanks. You ready?" 

Gabe asked as Kyle stood, but Kyle just smiled and walked slowly up to him.

"I think there's something I'd like to get out of the way first." He said and moved his head closer to Gabe's as he pulled him into an embrace. "I was going to wait till you made the first move but I haven't stopped thinking about it since you called."

Kyle took Gabe's lips with his own and they lost themselves in the kiss. Gabe slipped his tongue into Kyle's mouth and stroked Kyle's tongue with his own. Neither was sure who moaned first and who answered but when they separated each had a look of satisfaction on their face.

"Wow." Gabe whispered.

"Yeah." Kyle said smugly, though was betrayed by the slight shake in his hands. "Ready?"

"I think so." Gabe whispered to himself as he led the way out to the car. 

"How did you get reservations at Di Luna's? They usually book up pretty quickly."

"Phil knows the owner. He said we'd get in around eight."

"Well, I've never been there so I'm looking forward to it."

"From what I hear this is a night of firsts for you. I was told by a couple of different people that you're not the type to say yes if someone asks you out."

"That has been my m.o."

"So what changed?"

"The right guy asked me." Gabe looked over at Kyle. "How could I say no him?"

Gabe felt a blush warm his face and couldn't help but smile.

"You could have. The guy has been pretty much an asshole lately. He was really confused and hurt."

"I know. But he was honest and sweet and fun and definitely worth waiting for. I probably shouldn't tell you this, but he's the kind of guy I want to settle down with."

"That kind of commitment comes with a lot of risk. Someone could end up getting hurt."

"Yeah, well life comes with that risk. But I think life is what we make it so if we play our cards right, maybe we'll make out with more gained than lost. If the guy I'm thinking of will give me a chance I'm going to show him that I'm worth the risk." Kyle reached over and took Gabe's hand in his. 

"I'm just letting you know, Gabe the waiting is over. Get ready for some hardcore wooing."

Gabe laughed.

"Wooing?! Who says that anymore?" Kyle grinned.

"Don't make fun of Southern Rebel Traditions, Yankee. It just might start the war up again."

"Hardcore wooing. I love it. I look forward to it and many more of your Southern Rebel Traditions. You gonna make me eat grits sometime, aren't you?"

"Oh Jesus no! I would have moved North just to get away from that shit. Runny, slimy pieces of God knows what, swimming in warm water, butter and syrup? Does that sound like something you'd want to eat?"

"No, I guess it doesn't. I've actually never had them." Gabe said through his laughter.

"Trust me, don't ever. There's a lot of good Southern food, but grits is not one of them. People used to look at me funny, more for hating grits than for being gay. They'd whisper, 'there he is. The boy who don't like grits. And he's queer to boot'." Kyle said and upped his southern twang till he sounded like a Hee Haw rerun.

"Stop! I'm gonna crash." Gabe said, trying to control his laughter and keep them on the road.

Kyle chuckled and squeezed Gabe's hand. Gabe pulled into the parking lot of the popular bistro in town and they made their way inside. The young girl took their names and told them that they weren't on her list.

"What?" Gabe asked. "My friend Phil called the owner and asked him personally if he could fit our reservation in."

"Sir, do you know how many people come in and say that? Look, your reservation isn't on the books so there's nothing I can do."

Gabe turned around and walked outside and pulled out his cell phone.

"Hello?"

"Phil? It's Gabe. We're at the restaurant and they said they can't find our reservation."

"Oh shit! Fucking Arnie. He's an ass. Hold on, I'll call him. Don't worry. This'll work out."

Gabe hung up the phone and sighed.

"Everything ok?" Kyle asked.

"Phil's calling Arnie, who's apparently the owner. He says this will all work out."

"Ah. You know we could go some place else."

"No, you wanted to eat here. We should eat here."

"Gabe, it's fine. I just really want to be with you."

Gabe would have answered but an older man was speaking to the young, rude girl who had told them they didn't have reservations. Gabe walked in and stood next to them as he listened to their conversation.

"Is this them?" The older man asked.

"Yes." The rude girl replied.

"Hi, I'm Arnie. You're Gabe, Phil's friend?"

"I am."

"I'm sorry about this but we're booked up. We can get you in around nine thirty."

"Nine thirty?" Gabe asked. 

"Gabe, it's all right. Let's just go someplace else." Kyle suggested.

"But you want to eat here." Gabe argued.

"Gabe! It's fine. Let's go." Kyle looked Gabe in the eyes to make sure his message was finally heard.

"All right." He turned back to Arnie. "We'll stop in another night. Thanks for trying."

"I'm sorry about this Kyle." Gabe said as they walked out.

"Stop apologizing. Let's just find someplace else."

"Where do you want to go?"

"There's a little place I know." 

Gabe was shocked when they pulled up in front of a diner. It was not his idea of somewhere to eat on a first date and he looked at Kyle.

"This is where you want to go?"

"Yeah, they've got great food here. Trust me." 

"Hey Kyle! I haven't seen you in a while." Said the waitress as they walked in.

"How are you Carol? Yeah, I've been working hard. Not like you waitresses." Kyle said with a smirk.

"Wise ass." Carol said with a grin. "Who's this?"

"Carol, this is Gabe. We like him so be on your best behavior."

"Aren't I always?" She said to Kyle. "How are you, honey?"

"I'm fine, thanks." Gabe said. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too. You guys sit anywhere you like."

They chose a booth far away from the few patrons in the restaurant and waited as Carol came over and took their order.

"I'm sorry again, Kyle. I wanted to take you to someplace special."

"This is someplace special. I love this diner and I told you to stop apologizing. I didn't agree to go out with you to get a meal."

"Thanks for being so understanding." 

"You seem nervous."

"Why do you say that?" Gabe asked.

"I guess cause you're sitting there having trouble looking me in the eye and destroying your napkin." Kyle said and pointed to the shredded paper in Gabe's hand. "Why?"

"I don't know. I guess this is different for me, for us."

"It is. But it feels like a good different. I'm kind of excited for us." Kyle smiled.

"Are you?" Gabe couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah. I think whatever we have will be great." 

"I'm glad you're sure." Gabe said and Kyle chuckled.

"I love going out with a guy who's so optimistic."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm a little scared."

"Bullshit, you're terrified."

"That too."

"We've got great chemistry, we're already friends and I promise not to hurt you."

"Promising not to hurt me is like promising you're not going to get the flu ever again. You just can't."

"You're right. I'll do everything in my power not to hurt you or get the flu." Kyle grinned and took Gabe's hand in his. "How's that?"

"I guess it'll have to do." Gabe said as Carol placed their food in front of them. 

"So Gabe, what made you call?" Kyle asked and Gabe's smile faltered a little.

"What made me call?" He thought of the truth and wondered if he should tell Kyle. 

Ethan had accepted it pretty well, but even he hadn't truly believed it. Gabe still wasn't sure if he believed it. 

"I guess you could say a friend gave me some advice."

"And that made you call me?"

"Yeah."

"Must have been some friend. Who do I have to thank?"

"God." Gabe said it and blushed, feeling crazy. 

"That's cool." Kyle said, not batting an eye. "I'm not a religious man but I consider myself spiritual."

"Yeah, that'd be about where I am right now."

"You ever hear God talk back?" Kyle asked with a smile in his voice.

"Constantly." Gabe answered honestly.

"You ever talk to him about me?"

"Once or twice."

"Good things, I hope."

"All good things." Gabe smiled and knew that though he had spoken the truth, Kyle had filled in the blanks and come up with a more mundane explanation. 

The food came which they enjoyed and spent a wonderful evening getting to know each other in a way that potential lovers do. But throughout that, they had the basis of friendship to work upon. The waitress finally came out and handed them the check which Gabe paid for despite Kyle's protests. They left the diner and decided to take a walk along the river which was just a few blocks away.

"Why was your day so bad?" Gabe asked as they headed hand in hand down to the river walk.

"Oh geez. It was a doozie. We were really busy for one thing, and then this lady came in screaming about a bill. It was for a tow from the thruway and a tire change. It was only like three hundred bucks and she's jumping up and down. Then my auto part delivery people had a driver out so we didn't get the parts we needed till after noon and I can't do anything with that. That's a whole day gone. Then of course, Terry came in and started his shit and when I told him I didn't have time for him that day, he started screaming and yelling. It was just a real bad day. By the time you called I was pretty pissed off."

"You sounded like it." Gabe agreed. "I almost thought I had the wrong house."

"If it helps, my day is ending a hell of a lot better than it started off."

"I'm glad."

"Gabe, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"You were pretty hung up over your last boyfriend. You want to talk about it?"

"There's not much to say, really." And Gabe was relieved to feel that he honestly meant that. His time with Ethan seemed more like a bump in the road which led him to a better destination. "He was a nice guy who thought he might be gay. I guess I was his guinea pig. I had been alone for a while and when we got together I thought we'd have a relationship. Then his parents made him choose between the company he owned and being gay. He chose the company. He got married the day I moved down here."

"Geez. I'm sorry."

"It's all right. We never got to the boyfriend stage. I guess I just thought that we'd be picking out his and his bath towels and adopting some dogs or something. I was ready for a relationship and then he was gone. When I met you and knew you were interested I got a little scared of getting hurt again."

"And now?" Kyle asked.

"Now? I'm still scared. But I'm more afraid of not seeing what happens between us than I am of getting hurt."

Kyle took Gabe's hand in his and pulled him to a stop. Behind Gabe the river flowed out to the sea and brought a cool breeze over those making their way down the river walk.

"You know what I've learned from my own many heartbreaks?" 

"What's that?"

"Sometimes you have to take a real good look at why you let yourself get into the situation in the first place. After it ends you think, 'what was I thinking? Why did I even go there?'. Sometimes we just want it so bad that we would turn our whole world upside down for it only to realize that it was a learning experience from the git go and we didn't understand it as such at the time."

"No declarations to the greatness of love?" Gabe asked, a little surprised. "No 'get back on the horse that throws you'?"

"That was what I learned from breakups." Kyle said.

"And what have you learned from love?"

"'Abandon fear and move forward in love'. I can't promise you that we'll work out but I think we have a really good chance. Everyone in my life that means anything to me knows I'm gay and either accepts it. And I'm really into you. I think you're the sweetest guy I ever met and sexy as hell. I love when you laugh and really love when I make you laugh. As long as you feel something similar for me I'd say we have a damn good chance of having something great."

"Well let's see," Gabe said smiling, feeling the happiness of Kyle's words fill him. "You own your own company so you're not a dead beat. You're ok to look at and you're not dumb as rocks. We might have a shot."

"Bitch." Kyle said but couldn't help his smirk.

"Kyle, I think you're generous and kind. Smart and also sexy as hell. I love talking to you and knowing that when I talk you listen to me. I get excited when I know you're coming over or calling and I feel disappointed when you're with me. Yeah, I feel something similar for you. So what do we do now?"

Kyle pulled Gabe in and wrapped him in his arms.

"We 'abandon hope and move forward in love'."

"What's that from?"

"I don't know. It's just something I read once. Think you can do it?"

"I will if you will." Gabe said and lifted his head.

"I think I can handle that." Kyle said and lowered his till their lips met. 

Gabe felt a rush of emotion, saw colors and felt that there was no one in the world but them as Kyle kissed him. 'I've come home' was the thought that passed through his mind.

"We should probably stop." Kyle said after a while. "I'd hate to embarrass myself."

"Why would you embarrass yourself?" Gabe asked and Kyle shifted so that Gabe could feel his erection press against his. "Oh."

"Yeah. Oh." Kyle said with a grin. 

"I guess we'd better go then." Gabe added, though didn't want the evening to end.

"It'd be a good idea." Kyle said and noticed that Gabe's attention was else where. 

Kyle followed his gaze and saw a well dressed black woman sitting on a park bench smiling at them. "Do you know her?"

"Yeah. Would you give me a minute?"

"Sure." Kyle said and Gabe made his way over to the bench.

"You look happy." God said as Gabe sat down next to her.

"I am." Gabe said, nervous and confused. "I'm still a little weirded out by this. You're God."

"Yes."

"You're not supposed to be talking to us... mortals."

"I'm God. I'm pretty sure I can do whatever it is that I want."

"I guess you can." Gabe sighed. "Do I have to bow or something? I'm not sure of the rules."

God laughed.

"There are no rules, sweetie."

"Oh my God!" Gabe said suddenly. "I kicked you out of my apartment. I shouted at you!"

"And I forgave you. It's just what I do. We're fine, Gabriel. And you don't have to bow. Just be yourself and we'll get along fine. Now what's on your mind?"

"Are Kyle and I going to make it?"

"That's up to you and him."

"But you know. You know already if we are."

"Yes."

"Please tell me."

"One day, when you're very old, you're going to think back on this moment and thank me for not telling you what you're asking."

"So you're not going to tell me." Gabe asked.

"No."

"I'm going to have to do this on my own?"

"I'll be there to help you."

"Are you there when.... people...."

"Yes."

"Really?" Gabe felt a little ill. "And you watch?"

"I watch all and everything. Sex is not something to be ashamed of. Try not thinking of me when you have it."

"How?"

"Concentrate on the person you're with. I think you'll find that it won't be as hard to do as you think it is." God said and stood. "'Abandon fear', Gabe and 'move forward in love'."

God walked away, leaving Gabe sitting on the bench pondering her words. Kyle walked over and sat next to him.

"Who was that?"

"A friend." He said simply. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah."

They drove back to Kyle's house with their hands linked on Gabe's lap and didn't say a word. It was enough just being with each other. Gabe pulled into the driveway and shut the car off, but made no move to get out.

"Come here." Kyle commanded as he pulled Gabe closer to him. 

They met in the middle and kissed until they were both out of breath.

"I'd like you to come in, Gabe." Gabe looked at the house with a little trepidation. "I had a really nice night and I don't want it to end, but I'm ok if it does. So, I'm going to go inside. If you like you can come with me. If not, I'll talk to you tomorrow." Kyle smiled, gave Gabe a quick kiss and got out of the car. 

He hadn't made it to the front porch when he heard the sound of a car door opening. He stopped and watched as Gabe stood by the car for a moment. Kyle reached out his hand and waited as Gabe came forward to take it. They walked into the house holding hands. Standing in the doorway, Kyle wrapped his arms around Gabe.

"I wasn't sure you'd come in."

"I wasn't sure I would either."

"I'm glad you did."

"I'm glad I did too."

"You want to see the house?"

"Later." Gabe said and leaned in to kiss Kyle's lips.

They made their way awkwardly up the stairs to the master bedroom before Kyle pulled Gabe's shirt over his head and threw it on the floor. Gabe watched Kyle take off his own shirt and moaned softly. The sight of Kyle's muscular chest and stomach made Gabe's breath come quickly and the sight of his erect nipples made Gabe's mouth water. 

"Come here, Kyle." Gabe ordered and felt the bed sink as Kyle moved onto it to lay next to him. 

They met again for a kiss but let their hands play over each other's body. Gabe loved the crinkly feel of Kyle's hair as Kyle was enchanted by the soft curls on Gabe's torso. Kyle moved his hand lower to Gabe's belly and felt him draw in a breath at the sensation. By the time he got to Gabe's groin his sex was tenting his pants into a large bulge. 

"You feel ready for this." Kyle said.

"It's cause I know I can trust you." Gabe answered and Kyle started unbuttoning his pants. 

They both shucked Gabe's pants, exposing his boxers and Kyle placed his hand heavily on Gabe's dick. Gabe moaned and closed his eyes and Kyle's hand moved over him. 

"Take it out." Gabe told Kyle, who did as he asked and soon held Gabe's throbbing cock in his hand.

"I want to taste you, Gabe." Kyle said as he leaned down and took his lover into his mouth. 

Gabe sighed with the satisfaction of a building anticipation. Kyle's tongue was soft on his member and paid attention to the entire surface. Gabe moaned and put his hand on the back of Kyle's head. Kyle's played with the dick until Gabe couldn't stand anymore and pulled Kyle off. They kissed and rubbed their bodies against each other, leaving their hands to explore and to play. 

Gabe slowly licked his way down Kyle's body to reach his large cock. Once there, he took it in his mouth and paid his own attention. Kyle was large and thick and filled Gabe's mouth fully. The smell of him made Gabe sigh and take a deep breath of his scent.




God's Angel Ch. 07



"Oh Gabe. Suck me, baby." Kyle whispered.

He took as much of Kyle as he could and was just shy of Kyle's pubic area. Kyle moaned and threaded his hands through Gabe's hair. Gabe pulled off and began licking Kyle's balls as he moaned and repeated encouraging words. Kyle pulled Gabe up to face him and kissed him senseless.

"I don't want to cum in your mouth." Kyle said and Gabe smiled knowing what he meant.

"I want you inside me, baby."

Kyle pulled a condom and lube out of the bedside drawer and returned to prepare his lover. He bent down and lifted Gabe's legs, exposing his hole. Gabe watched as he lowered his mouth and kissed the most intimate part of himself. He felt a moan pour out of him and raised his legs giving more access. Kyle's tongue flicked and thrust against Gabe's body who was shaking from the feeling and it wasn't long before he replaced his tongue with a lubed finger. 

Kyle finger fucked Gabe's ass, first with one digit, than another, than three. Gabe felt his body respond and open to allow Kyle entrance. He turned Gabe around and pulled him to all fours as he positioned himself behind him. Kyle aimed his condom wrapped and lubed cock at Gabe's ass.

"Are you ready, babe?"

"Oh God, yes." Gabe said and felt Kyle push slowly against him.

Kyle's cock head slipped passed Gabe's anus and his length slid in slowly to the hilt. Gabe moaned and pushed back against Kyle's body. When he had acclimated to the large length and girth within him, Gabe rocked forward and back essentially fucking himself on Kyle's penis. 

"Oh babe, that feels so good. So fucking good." Kyle said, a little breathlessly. 

"You're so big, Kyle. It feels so big."

"You like it, baby?"

"I love it."

"You want me to fuck you now?"

"Oh yeah. Fuck me, Kyle!" Gabe exclaimed and winced with pain and pleasure as Kyle began thrusting his hips into his body.

"Oh Kyle! Fuck me!" Gabe said and lowered the top half of his body to lean on the pillows under his belly. 

His ass stood high and proud as Kyle slid his dick into it's depths only to pull out again. Gabe felt Kyle's hands on gripping his hips, pulling him back toward and pushing away. He gritted his teeth and let himself be caught up in the overwhelming sensation of being fucked by Kyle.

"Baby, I want to see your face when we cum." Kyle said and helped Gabe flip onto his back.

Kyle leaned over his lover and began fucking him again, holding onto his legs. He looked down at Gabe's face and felt joy over the pleasure that was shown there. His orgasm was building but he slowed himself down to long, slow strokes. 

"I'm almost there, babe. I want you to cum with me." Kyle said.

"I will, Sexy. Just tell me when." 

Kyle grabbed Gabe by the shoulders and quickened his pace, fucking into him as hard as he could. Gabe moaned with every thrust he felt pounded into him and took his cock in his hand praying that he wouldn't beat Kyle to the punch. 

"Oh God, Gabe. You feel so good around my cock."

"Cum, Kyle! Cum inside me!" Gabe yelled as he felt his balls tingle.

"I'm cumming, Gabe!"

Kyle yelled back and Gabe released as he watched Kyle's face contort even though he didn't stop thrusting. Kyle fell on top of Gabe but still didn't stop moving his hips. 

"Oh my God, Gabe." Kyle whispered in Gabe's ear. "That was the longest orgasm I've ever had."

Gabe laughed with the euphoria that followed sex and with the pride at giving Kyle such an unforgettable experience. 

"I'm glad. That was beyond amazing."

"It better have been." Kyle growled making Gabe smile.

"How could you have any doubts?"

"I don't." Kyle said as he pulled out of Gabe and lay exhausted next to him. "I have no doubts about you whatsoever." Gabe stole a glance at Kyle's face and read only honesty there.

"I have one or two but I'm pretty sure you're going to change that."

"Damn curvy!!!" Kyle said with a grin.

"Damn curvy?"

"Well, after what we did I couldn't say damn straight now could I?"

"You have a point." Gabe said and yawned. 

"Am I boring you?" Kyle asked.

"God, no. I'm just tired. Getting up at six to be in the city by seven is killing me. I'm usually in bed by now."

"You are in bed." Kyle said and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Asleep. Horn dog." Gabe chuckled.

"Horn dog? After all that? I won't be a horn dog for at least..... twenty minutes. Let's give it thirty just to make it special."

"Uh-huh." Gabe smiled.

"So...." Kyle said and stalled.

"So....." Gabe waited.

"You gonna stay over?" Gabe's heart crushed a bit. He was laying there all sexy, covered in sweat, asking him to stay the night and looking like a kid asking for something for Christmas.

"Yeah. I'd like that a lot." Gabe smiled and Kyle smiled back.

They got ready for bed and climbed onto the smooth sheets and under the warm covers before moving into each others arms. Kyle kissed the side of Gabe's neck, who squeezed the arms that were holding him tightly. 

"Good night, Baby." Kyle said.

"Good night, Tiger." Gabe answered.

"Tiger?"

"No good?"

"Actually, I kinda like it."

"Good night, Tiger."

They awoke a few hours later and made love slowly and softly, sighing and moaning so totally enthralled with each other, that neither noticed the silent observer in the hallway. 



God's Angel Ch. 08



--Thanks to everyone who's been reading this story. As always, comment, vote, love and laugh!-- 

Gabe woke up and blinked in the early morning light. He had to pee was his first thought. There's a man holding me was his second. He smiled before he turned his head and chuckled. Kyle's head was leaned back on the pillow, his mouth wide open and the snores the man made were enough to wake the dead. Gabe's bladder reminded him of urgent business and he tried to slip easily from Kyle's arms. This was not happening. Kyle's embrace was a heavy one and every time Gabe seemed to make some headway he was pulled back in. Finally, Gabe lifted one heavy arm and quickly made his escape. His movements should have woken Kyle but he just shifted and continued to snore. 

Overcome with the relief of relieving himself in the morning, Gabe sighed as his stream fell into the toilet. It was the last peaceful thought he had as sudden and terrifying noise began blaring from the bedroom. Gabe was so startled he moved and pissed over the seat and around the bowl. 

"Shit! Fuck!" He exclaimed and finished urinating.

"What's up, babe?" A sleepy Kyle asked from the doorway.

"What was that noise?! It scared me so bad I pissed all over the place." Gabe said as he looked for something to clean up his mess. Kyle chuckled.

"I'm a bit of a heavy sleeper. That was the alarm. Anything quieter and I'll sleep through it."

"That's your alarm? Do you go into a coma when you sleep?"

"Just about. It used to be really bad when I was a kid."

"I can't imagine how." Gabe said and stood up from cleaning to wash his hands. Kyle took his place in front of the toilet.

"You want some breakfast?" 

"That sounds good. Eat in or go out?" Gabe asked.

"Considering Darren's going to call in four minutes to ask how last night went, why don't we just invite them out somewhere."

"Darren is not going to call in four minutes." Gabe said and heard his cell phone jingle. Kyle's raised an eyebrow in answer. "That wasn't four minutes."

"Hello?" Gabe said as he answered the phone.

"Bitch, you go out with the hottest stud in Dobbs Ferry, stay over his house and don't give me the courtesy of a three a.m. phone call so we can dish about it?!!!" Darren yelled over the phone.

"Good morning, Darren." Gabe said and grinned as Kyle flashed him an `I told you so' look.

"I hate you and I can't believe we're friends. I was up till four waiting for you to call!!"

"That's kinda stupid, isn't it?"

"I didn't say I wasn't doing other things while I was waiting."

"At least you made good use of your time." 

"Whatever. Tell Kyle you're both on my shit list as of four fifteen this morning."

"Why don't you tell him yourself over breakfast? How about Maria's Kitchen in forty-five minutes?" Gabe asked and basically heard the wind go right out of Darren's argument.

"Fine. But this doesn't mean-."

"See you then Darren." Gabe said and hung up the phone.

"Forty-five minutes? That doesn't leave us much time for morning sex." Kyle said, kneeling on the bed.

"I guess we'll just have to take some creative shortcuts." Gabe said, as he met Kyle in the center of the bed. 

"A creative accountant? Jesus, I lucked out!" Kyle smiled.

"We can be very creative when we need to be." Gabe said, had a brief thought that he would have to tell Paula he changed his mind about the creativity of accounting and was lost in Kyle's kiss.

Forty minutes later, Gabe ran downstairs dressed and ready for breakfast when he came to a quick stop at the bottom of the stairs. The front door stood slightly open. He thought back to last night and couldn't remember closing it but then he and Kyle had other things on their minds. He heard footsteps behind him and turned his head.

"What's up?" Kyle said as he came to the step where Gabe stood.

"Did we shut the front door?" Gabe asked and Kyle looked up and noticed the entrance. 

"I'm not sure. I always do but I can't remember." He said as he made the rest of the way to the first floor. "Let me take a quick look around before we leave."

Gabe waited in the foyer for the few minutes it took Kyle to check the house. When he returned, he was shaking his head.

"Nothing obvious is missing or broken. We must have just forgotten."

"That's odd." Gabe said. "I wouldn't think we would have missed that."

"Well, I was pretty potent last night." Kyle said with a grin. "You were just thinking of my body."

"I guess that's it." Gabe laughed and they walked outside to Gabe's car.

Within minutes they were pulling into the little cafe they had suggested and sitting down at Darren and Phil's table.

"You're late." Darren started.

"Jesus, Darren. We're only a few minutes late." Kyle said.

"He made us get here early. We've been here since ten thirty. I had to stop him from calling you again four times." Phil said, rolling his eyes.

"You guys look happy. Are you happy? Cause you look happy." Darren said with a shit eating grin. Kyle and Gabe both smiled in response.

"Yeah, we're happy." Kyle added.

"Oh God. That's so sweet. You're both so sweet. Aren't they sweet, honey?" Darren gushed.

"You know he's going to be like this for at least another two weeks, right?" Phil said, resigned to the fact.

"Darren, we're just dating. Calm down. You're acting like a spaz." Gabe said.

"I have a right. I've known you since high school and I've known Kyle since he moved up here. I don't know too much about your early love life but lately you've been batting zero." 

"Ouch, Darren." Gabe said, feeling hurt but could not argue the point.

"And Kyle's been with the longest string of losers I've ever seen. I actually thought he had a loser fetish."

"Shut up, Darren." Kyle warned.

"Wait, how many losers?" Gabe asked, then thought better of it. "No. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It doesn't matter. Darren, what's with you today? You're acting like a freak."

"I just want you both to be happy and now that you've found each other I think you will be."

"All right," Kyle said. "Say that at our wedding but till then stay the fuck out of our relationship."

"A wedding? What wedding?" Darren perked up.

"Oh Jesus." Phil closed his eyes.

"It was a figure of speech, Darren." Gabe said carefully. Kyle just laughed. "We just had our first date last night, it was great and special. We're both very happy. Let's just leave it at that and eat some breakfast."

They discussed what they were going to eat, each happily changing the topic save for Darren who stared off whimsically. A small silence fell as they looked over the menu until it was broken by Darren.

"I'm thinking white Gucci tuxes for the wedding." He said and was promptly hit in the head with a jelly packet.

After breakfast Gabe drove Kyle home and parked in the driveway.

"It sucks you have to work on a Saturday." 

"I know, but I do have to go in for a couple hours at least." Kyle smiled. "You know, you still haven't seen my house. How bad is it that my boyfriend has only seen the foyer and bedroom?"

"It's not ideal, if that's what you mean but as circumstances go I think I can live with it. As long as we get that remedied soon." Gabe answered and Kyle leaned in for a long kiss.

"How about tonight?" He asked as he pulled back a bit.

"Tonight? Sounds good. What do you have in mind?"

"Dinner. I'll cook. Some good Southern food."

"That sounds real good. Want me to bring anything? What kind of wine goes with pigs knuckles?"

"Still picking on the Rebel, huh? Well, I remember this Rebel conquering some feisty Yankee ass last night."

"If you don't know of Yankee resilience than you don't know us very well." Gabe smiled and took a nip of Kyle's lip.

"I'm counting on it." Kyle said and gave a final kiss. "Just bring yourself and an appetite."

"I will." Gabe said as Kyle got out of the car.

"See you later, baby."

"Bye, Tiger."

Gabe drove home, smiling and thinking of the most recent, happy and unexpected events of his life. He smiled as he drove and was half hard remembering last night. He never saw the car that ran him off the road.

Hours later, he pulled into Darren and Phil's driveway and shut the Saab off which shuttered a little worse for wear. He opened the door and walked another time around the car to see the damage once again. There was a scrape from the trunk of the car up to the passenger door where a cement pylon on the side of the road caught and kept the car from heading off the cliff. The police had come and taken a description of the car but Gabe hadn't seen the driver's face or the license plate. They said they'd do what they could but it would take some time if anything came of the investigation. Gabe sighed and walked inside.

"Hey kiddo." Phil said as Gabe came in. "I want to apologize for Darren. He was a little wired. He was so exhausted this morning I let him have one too many Red Bull."

"That's fine." Gabe said dismissively.

"You ok?"

"I just got ran off the road."

"Oh God! Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. The car's not so hot, but it's driveable or I would have called Kyle."

"Damn! People are fucking assholes anymore. Seriously, New Yorkers have gotten so bad at driving we're almost worse than Jersey." Phil said and went outside to check on the car.

"Was that Phil leaving?" Darren asked as he came from the back with a load of laundry.

"Yeah, he's out checking the car."

"Why?" Darren asked. Gabe explained. "Are you kidding me?! What a fucking asshole! He was in your lane?"

"It was worse than that. It seemed like he was almost aiming for the car. I had to pull as far over as I could and I just didn't see the railing or the cliff on the other side of it."

"Jesus! You could have died!"

"I'm all right. Just pretty shaken up."

Phil came in from outside.

"The car's pretty messed up, Gabe. Thank God, you survived." 

"Yeah, I have it on good authority that I'm going to live to a ripe old age. Still, it scared the shit out of me."

"You should call Kyle, Gabe. He's gonna freak if he finds out later." Darren said and Gabe nodded. 

"I know. I'll go do that now."

Gabe went upstairs and sat down on the bed. He took out his phone and called Kyle's shop.

"Hello, Ogden Motors."

"Kyle?"

"Hey babe. Miss me already?" 

"Well yeah, but that's not why I'm calling."

"You do wonders for a guys ego, let me tell ya'."

"I got into an accident."

"What? Are you all right?" Kyle asked, the laughter gone from his voice.

"Yeah, I'm fine. The car's a bit banged up though."

"Don't worry about that. Where are you?"

"I'm at Darren and Phil's."

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes." Kyle hung up the phone and Gabe showered and changed from the clothes he still wore from last night. 

When he came downstairs, Kyle was just pulling in driving a large tow truck. Gabe met him at the front door. 

"Are you sure you're ok?" Kyle asked, touching Gabe's arm to reassure himself that he wasn't hurt. 

"Yeah, I'm good. But the car, Kyle. Jesus!"

"Don't worry about it. You're dating a mechanic. I've got a guy who just does auto body work. He'll have that looking like new in no time."

"Lucky me." Gabe said and pulled Kyle in for a kiss. 

Phil and Darren came in from the other room at that moment.

"Hey Kyle. Did you know you were dating Mr. Accident Prone?" Darren asked.

"I do now, but at least he's safe." Kyle said and squeezed Gabe a little tighter. "You guys will have to keep an eye on him for me."

"That'll be something. They can't keep an eye on anything but each other." Gabe said as he sat down at the kitchen table. 

"So what happened exactly?" Kyle asked, sitting next to him and Gabe told the whole story. 

"How could the police not find anything?" Darren asked. "Isn't that their job?"

"There's not a lot to go on. It sounds like a late model domestic car and without the license plate or something else to identify the car it'd be impossible." Kyle answered.

"Well, I hope whoever it was gets pulled over and their license taken away. Probably some stupid bitch on a cell phone." Gabe muttered.

"Babe, if you're ok I'm gonna take the car back to the shop and see what we can do for it." Kyle leaned in and kissed Gabe's lips. "Still on for dinner tonight?"

"Of course! I've heard so much about chitlins' and okra that I'm dying to try it." Gabe smiled.

"Don't laugh. My grandmama makes a wicked chitlins' and okra." Kyle said as he left.

"Dinner tonight, huh?" Phil smiled.

"Yeah. He's cooking." Gabe said with a grin.

"Oh that's serious. I remember when Phil cooked for me. Tasted like shit but it was sweet as hell." Darren leaned his head on Phil's shoulder.

"I keep telling you, the broccoli rabe is supposed to taste that way." 

Later that night, after a wonderful southern meal of spicy breaded filet of cod, dirty rice and okra Gabe and Kyle sat on the back porch enjoying the summer night air. Gabe sighed in contentment and snuggled a little closer into Kyle's side. 

"Happy, baby?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah. I am. You?"

"Yeah. Really happy." Kyle took a swig of his beer. "You'll be happier to know that your car isn't that bad. It will need another passenger door but everything else can be fixed no problem."

"That's great. I thought I did something to the underside."

"Well, you did. But luckily we had another Saab with a good cv joint and there not hard to put in."

"And I always thought owning a car was a pain in the ass."

"It usually is for people who don't work on them."

"Ah, is that the secret?"

"Yeah, don't tell anybody."

"So how was work today?"

"Kinda weird. First my boyfriend calls me and tells me he's been in an accident, then Terry comes in and treats me like a hired hand."

"What do you mean?"

"Usually, he's all like `hey there stud', or `wanna check my fluids?', you know, flirting and shit. But today he just acted like I was one of the other mechanics."

Gabe reached over and took Kyle's beer and finished off the last little bit before getting up to get another.

"That's a good thing, right?"

"Yeah." Kyle laughed. "I never led him on, baby. Besides, I'm very happy with my boyfriend. It was just weird."

"I guess it is, but he always seemed like an odd little faggot."

"Don't hold back, babe. Tell me how you feel."

"He's a dirt bag and I'm glad you never slept with him."

"Me too!" Kyle said. "If he was that persistent when I never slept with him, imagine how bad he'd be if I had."

"Dick." Gabe said, and laughed.

"Speaking of..." Kyle turned and leaned into Gabe.

"Yes?"

"You wanna see mine?"

"And I always heard you southern men were so smooth."

"Not me, sir. This Rebel's a little rough around the edges. You mind?" Kyle said as he began nipping at Gabe's throat.

"No," Gabe whispered. "I think my Yankee constitution can handle it."

The couple spent the next few weeks learning and loving as much as they could about each other. Gabe found Kyle to be a solid force in his life, one that he seemed to grow more dependent upon every day. He was a great listener and often provided Gabe with a sounding board, objective viewpoint or reality check as the situation warranted. He had a fondness for coffee, beer, frito's and chess. They often played chess rather than watch t.v. and many games had ended with them making love on the floor of the living room. He made Gabe laugh and demonstrated his love in countless little ways that chipped away at Gabe's defenses faster than he would have liked to admit. It wasn't long before Gabe had come to the realization that he had fallen in love. He was terrified again of what that love might cost him this time. 

Gabe still lived with Darren and Phil, technically but spent the majority of his time at Kyle's. A few times when the couples would double date, heading into the city to see a show or go to a club, Kyle would spend the night in Gabe's room. This night they had chosen to go to the opera, because Darren wanted everyone to get dressed up nice, and have a late dinner afterward. Phil and Kyle walked ahead as Darren and Gabe followed.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Gabe asked.

"Probably the central air conditioning. Phil doesn't understand that just because a person in mechanical he knows how to fix everything." Darren answered. "The most expensive thing in the world much be common sense."

"Why do you say that?"

"Cause rich people just don't seem to have any."

"Well, they can afford not to."

"I guess. Anyway, I saw Tom Blackwell the other day. Remember him?"

"Um... sort of." Gabe tried to picture him and only remembered a fuzzy image of a man in a Hawaiian shirt at Darren and Phil's last party.

"Well, he was very disappointed that you had hooked up with Kyle. Apparently, he was interested in you himself."

"Really? He never said anything."

"He didn't think you noticed him."

"Well, he's got me there. Kyle kinda took first place when I first met him."

"You fought it for a while."

"I did." Gabe said with pleased resignation. "This Yankee has fallen."

"What?"

"Private joke."

"Have you told him yet?"

"Told who what?"

"Oh come on now." Darren said simply.

"No. I haven't. I feel like the moment I do the other shoe's going to drop and all hell will break loose."

"Yeah. I know that feeling."

"You had that with Phil?"

"No, not with Phil. Phil was sweet and kind and there for me. He wormed his way into my heart until all there was was him. When I told him, I had the feeling that things were just starting. It was a good day." Darren smiled.

"Great. You get Disney love, I get Stephen King."

"You're the author of your own life. You don't like how the story is going, change it."

"I'm an accountant. We don't write."

"You know what I'm saying. Jesus, you try to be a bit metaphorical and everyone takes you literally."

They came to the end of the block and caught up with Phil and Kyle just before the light turned to cross the avenue. As Gabe looked up, he saw they were in the center of Times Square. If all hell was going to break loose this seemed like as good a place as any.

"Darren, take Phil and give me some time alone with Kyle."

"You're going to do it here? In Times Square? Ballsy but sort of disgusting at the same time."

"We're not going to fuck, you ass. I'm going to tell him I love him."

"Oh, that's sweet. Yeah, let's see. I can take him into the Disney store. As you said, it's sort of our venue. Have fun and forget about Stephen King. That shit only happens in stories and books." Darren jogged a few paces and caught Phil by the arm. "Honey, I want to go to the Disney store."

"Seriously?" Phil asked surprised.

"Yeah. Let's go." Darren dragged a puzzled Phil behind him. "We'll only be a minute and we'll meet you back here."

"Wait, we'll come with you." Kyle offered and turned to Gabe. "You want to go?"

"No, I feel like staying here."

"Oh, ok. How did you like the opera?" Kyle asked.

"I did, very much. How did you?"

"It was ok."

"Which part? The part you snored through?"

"All right, it kinda sucked. But I'm glad you liked it." Kyle said and put his arms around Gabe. "You look really beautiful in all these lights, sir."

"Do I?" Gabe said as his heart beat a rapid tempo.

"You do."

"Kyle, when we met I was a mess. I was an emotional wreck and you helped me through it. You were there for me as a friend and then as a lover. I just want you to know that I'll never forget that."

"What's going on, Gabe?" Kyle asked, a little worried. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"No, God no! I'm trying to tell you that I love you."

"Oh babe." Kyle smiled a smile which seemed brighter than any in Times Square. "I love you too."

"You do?" Gabe smiled back.

"Of course I do. Look who had the courage to say it first. I guess I underestimated Yankee grit."




God's Angel Ch. 08



"And I underestimated Rebel patience."

"But we both won, huh?" Kyle said and took Gabe's lips in his. They kissed standing in the center of Broadway and 7th Ave. in front of hundreds of people and God. 

"No offense, but I kinda thought I would have to say it first. It's kinda nice that you did."

"It's always about your ego with you, isn't it?" Gabe laughed.

"Kyle!" A voice shouted from their side and both of the turned to see Terry standing just a few feet away. His face was mottled with rage.

"Terry? What are you doing here?" Kyle asked, still holding Gabe who suddenly had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"What am I doing here? I'm following you and your whore! I can't believe you would do this to me."

"What the fuck are you talking about Terry? Do what to you?"

"Cheat on me." Terry said, advancing on them.

"Cheat on you? How am I cheating on you? We don't date. Never have and never will." Kyle said apparently not seeing anything wrong, but Gabe saw the sickness and anger in Terry's eyes. 

"We will when he's gone." Terry said and lifted his arm, pointed the gun at Gabe and fired.

The pain that pierced Gabe was unbelievably hot and seemed to seer through his side like a hot fireplace stoker. Gabe felt shocked more than anything as he saw people running away from the three of them. Chaos ensued quickly as Kyle started for Terry and the gun. He didn't make it as another shot went off and Kyle fell to the ground. A policeman tackled Terry and pulled the weapon away from him as Gabe sank to his knees. A few people had returned after seeing the gunman taken down. One of them was the old man Gabe had met not long ago in a park. He looked down at them with kind eyes that held sympathy and love. 

"Please. Help him." Gabe pleaded. 

"Perhaps it's his time." God answered calmly.

"It's not. I know it's not. Please God, help him."

"Are you asking for a miracle, Gabriel? Are you asking God to change something that may need to happen?"

"Yes." Gabe took a ragged breath, feeling weak with the loss of blood. "Please save his life."

Gabe blacked out.

He awoke in a strange darkened room lit by a dim light. A beeping noise chimed next to him and he smelled the unique smell of layers of antiseptic. `A hospital' he thought. Then panic hit him. `What happened to Kyle?'. He felt a hand holding his on the side of the bed and glanced over to see Darren's concerned face.

"Nurse! He's awake!" Darren yelled and started stroking Gabe's hair. 

Gabe tried to speak but started gagging from the intubation tube in his throat. A nurse came in and pressed buttons on the beeping machine before Gabe quickly fell back under.

The next time he woke it was day and he no longer had the tube helping him breath. He opened his eyes and saw Darren curled in a chair next to his bed. He tried to speak but found his throat was still a little raw and only coughed. Darren jerked awake and saw Gabe's eyes open.

"Oh honey. How are you? Are you in pain?"

"Kyle?"

"Are you in pain, Gabe?"

"Kyle!" Gabe forced the word out refusing to answer until he knew his love's fate. 

"He's right over there, Gabe." Gabe turned his head and saw Kyle sleeping in the next bed. A tear of gratitude slipped out of his eye. "He's fine. You're both fine. Kyle was shot in the spleen but apparently you don't need it so he's ok. You were shot but the bullet missed everything important, thank God!"

"Thank you God." Gabe said. 

They were released a few days later having recovered well enough to take care of themselves at home, despite Darren and Phil's promise to come over often to check on them. They made their way into the house and upstairs to their bedroom. The pain meds had them a little loopy and fatigue came quickly, so they lay down and rested in each other's arms. 

"I thought I lost you." Gabe said. "I thought I was going to wake up and you wouldn't be there. I didn't want to wake up."

"I wanted to kill him. I would have if I had gotten to him. All I could think of was to protect you."

"I asked God to save your life."

"I'm glad He did. I'm glad He saved yours too. I wouldn't have wanted to wake up if you weren't there for me either."

"I love you, Gabriel."

"I love you, Kyle."

Epilogue...

Many years later, Gabe sat on a rocker on the porch of one of the last original Victorian houses left in the neighborhood. It had been his home for fifty years now and he wasn't going to leave it while he was alive. It was a hot summers day but even in the warmth of summer, Kyle was left feeling cold. His eighty second birthday had been yesterday and his family had remained to spend the week with him. His sons and daughter had all brought their children, and even some of them had brought their children. It still tickled him that he was a great-grandfather. It had tickled Kyle too who he had lost four years ago. The pain of not having him, not being able to talk to him still struck him hard. 

"Grandpa Gabe?" Gabe looked over at his eldest great-grandson. He was seven and bore a remarkable likeness to Kyle.

"Yes, Ethan."

"Grandma Carol said to ask you if I could play with Great-grampa Kyle's chess set."

Gabe smiled at the memories the chess set held. 

"Only if you give me a hug." Gabe said and felt the little arms wrap around his neck. "I love you, Ethan."

"I love you great-grampa." The boy yelled as he ran off to play. Gabe chuckled and sighed as a warm breeze blew over him.

"You seem happy, Gabriel." Gabe looked up and saw the old man from the park bench, the black woman from the rivers walk and the little boy from the shelter all standing next to him.

"I am. I've had a lot to be happy for in my life. I have a lot to be thankful to you for."

"You do, I suppose." Said the little boy.

"But you made your own choices. What joys and sorrows you've had in your life have been your own." Said the black woman.

"I told you once that when you were an old man you would thank me for not telling you the answer to the question that you asked me. Do you remember?" The old man asked.

"I do. Thank you." Gabe answered.

"Why are you thankful?" The little boy asked as he came to sit on Gabe's lap.

"I'm thankful because you let Kyle and I make our life on our own terms."

"Yes." The little boy smiled. "That's important."

"But you're ready for something else, aren't you?" The black woman asked.

"Yes." Gabe answered. "I'm tired."

"I know." The old man said. "It won't be long now."

"Good." Gabe said and sighed. He could almost feel his life slipping away and smiled. "Will Kyle be there? Where I'm going?"

"Kyle is here, Gabe." The black woman pointed. Gabe looked and saw Kyle as he looked the day they met, walking up the front path.

"Oh my God." A tear fell from Gabe's eye. "It's been so long since I've seen him."

"Hey babe." Kyle said and took Gabe's hand in his.

"How ya doing, Tiger?"

"I'm wonderful. I've been very patient." He chuckled.

"Yeah, you Rebel's are good at that, aren't you?"

"Still ragging on Rebel's, huh? You Yankees never change." Kyle smiled. "Come on, babe. It's time."

Gabe stood and felt the weight of the last eighty years slip so softly off his shoulders he was surprised it had even been there. He took Kyle's hand in his.

"I'm glad you waited."

"Of course I waited. I wasn't going to lose you after I just found you. I don't think fifty years with you was enough."

"I don't think so either." Gabe said and turned back to God. "What do we do now?"

"When you're ready, you can move on to your next life." The black woman answered.

"You'll know when that is." The old man said.

"You can go together if you like." The little boy added.

"I'd like that." Gabe smiled.

"Me too." Kyle grinned. "But this time, you get to be the Rebel."