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Eyes Like Winona

By: Cruel2BKind



*Hello!

I have a few chapters of this finished, but I will try to release them one every two weeks, so I will have time to finish further chapters. I'm working on a few other things, and I'm pretty busy with finals, but don't worry. I wont post anything that I'm not completely sure I can finish.

All characters are 18+*

*

My lips were sealed. Sealed around his limp wrinkled member.

I massaged the soft glans with my tongue. He was old, so it took a while. I buried my lips in his scant wiry pubic hair. It was mostly grey, with a few streaks of pure white. I massaged the limp little three-inch nub of soft unresponsive flesh with my lips and tongue.

He groaned and put his hands on my head. His limp cock was starting to fill. It was about four inches long now. It still stretched slightly when I withdrew my head, holding the tip of it in my lips. I reached between his skinny old-man legs and cradled his ballsack. It was lukewarm and dangly. I cradled it up to a normal height and continued my careful oral manipulations. My jaw was starting to get sore, along with my knees. I had been kneeling here in this dark back room for almost ten minutes already.

The semi-turgid tip of his cock pressed against the back of my throat, but with no real urgency. When I tried to move forwards, his cock was still too soft to penetrate. I had to muffle a frustrated sigh of relief when he finally got hard. When he finally started to bump his skinny hips, a sure sign that he was ready, that he was almost done.

I increased the tempo of my bobbing head. The head of his cock hit the back of my throat over and over. I gagged a little as his cock pushed past my gag reflex.

"Neil!" He gasped. I took the hint and quickly withdrew. I rubbed his slick cock with my left hand while grabbing for a tissue.

I was too late. I had been hoping to cover his cock with the tissue before he came, but nope. His come squirted onto my cheek and hand and the shoulder of my blue uniform shirt. I gritted my teeth and swore silently. I wiped my face and shirt and hand with the tissue, hoping that it wouldn't leave a stain.

Mr. Browning pulled up his slacks, panting. He put the apron back on over his pants and work shirt.

I blinked in the light outside the dark storage room. I went to the front of the little gas station/convenience and flipped the paper sign that he had hung on the door. The sign said 'Back in 5'. It used to be 'Out for lunch' but then I started working the evening shifts. It was getting dark outside. Ben and the rest would be expecting me soon.

A young woman came in and looked through the glass cases holding all of the drinks. It was a stinking-hot day and the glass was frosted with beads of water from the humidity. I watched her open the door and close her eyes in the draft of cool air from inside, wiping her sweaty forehead.

Mr. Browning looked at the clock on the wall. It had a crack in the glass and the second-hand was broken.

His voice was quiet. "You can head home Neil."

I sighed and took off my plastic name-tag, tossing it in a small plastic basket under the register. I clocked out and dug the tough string shopping bag from my pocket. I untangled the strings and went through the little grocery section, looking for things that we absolutely needed.

I bagged a 12-pack of Kraft macaroni. I grabbed a heavy bag of apples that was a dollar off with this coupon I had clipped from the paper. I took a half-gallon of whole milk from the frosty beverage coolers, closing my eyes in the brief cool puff of air.

At the tiny section of over-the-counter medication, I picked up the cheapest brand of Tylenol knockoffs. I stuffed it all in the string bag and rang it up at the register with Mr. Browning. We ran a tab with him. Every month Mr. Browning 'accidentally' charged us twenty or thirty dollars less. That was my contribution to the family. Along with two part-time jobs and trying to keep the peace.

I walked out and it was the time of day where the sun was disappearing, but the temperature was still boiling, barely starting to cool.

I swiped my wrist across my forehead, feeling droplets of moisture drip off. It had been a long day. And it was only eight.

---

The elevator in my apartment had been broken for as long as I could remember. I heaved my way up ten flights of stairs, feeling the sweat-stains on my blue work-shirt expand. I could hear Lisse crying from the ninth floor. I swore softly and hurried, ignoring the way my legs burned for a break.

I burst into apartment 1012. Lisse was sitting in her playpen, crying. It was the weak tired kind of crying, and I knew that she would quit soon, if only from sheer exhaustion. She had a bloody nose and her little face was scrunched up and red. I could hear Calvin watching TV in the other room, turned up loud to what sounded like a cartoon. Ben was sitting on the worn couch with his textbooks spread in front of him, clutching his hair in his fists. I could smell something burning.

I ran to the kitchen, and Celia was in there all alone, tears running down her face as she tried to wash something burnt and blackened out of the saucepan into the sink. She saw me and started to cry harder.

"I'm sorry Neil! I tried to make Ben do it but he wont because he's studying for his stupid tests and he yelled at me! Calvin wont help at all, he just said that he needs to watch some dumb show. I tried to make Lisse stop crying but she just w-w-wont stop!"

My frail ten-year-old half-sister collapsed and started to cry uncontrollably, going into minor hysterics. I was so full of pent-up rage at my brothers that I felt like I would explode.

Instead I put the groceries on the table. "Celia? Put the groceries away, then go to Ben's room and lie down on the big bed for a few minutes with the lights off. I want you to calm down and take deep breaths, okay?"

I left the chaotic kitchen, the charred smell making me feel sick. I scooped up Lisse from her playpen, feeling her sagging diaper for weight. I despaired at the stink. How could one toddler produce so much shit?

I walked down the hallway. Calvin was sitting on the edge of his bunk bed. He was Celia's twin, husky and mohawked, staring intently at a cartoon on the screen.

"Calvin, why didn't you help your sister? She is so stressed out right now and she isn't the only one. The house is falling apart and you are just sitting on your lazy ass in here watching a show about fucking ninja turtles. Meanwhile, your little sister has been screaming for god knows how long with shit in her diaper."

Calvin glared at me. "Why doesn't Ben do anything? All he ever does is read his books. Why couldn't Celia do it?"

I just about snapped. "Celia was in the kitchen trying to make dinner for your sorry ass, and Ben is studying for his finals. What have you contributed? Jack-motherfucking-shit."

Calvin was red-faced when I turned off the TV and yanked the cord from the outlet. "You never yell at them, you JERK. You make me do ALL of the work here."

I bounced Lisse in my arms, smelling her stink and trying not to murder my half-brother. "You never do anything for this family Calvin. All I'm asking you is to go into the kitchen and help your sister put away the groceries and set the table."

Calvin whispered something under his breath that sounded a lot like 'motherfucker' but I didn't care. I was just too tired already. I went into the bathroom and changed Lisse's diaper and cleaned up her face. She looked just purely exhausted. I wished we could afford to put on the AC once in a while, but that was just too much on top of everything else. Her baby-fine hair was matted with sweat and her skin was sticky with it.

I filled her sippy cup with cold water and gave it to her before putting her back in the too-small playpen. She sipped thirstily. At least we didn't have to buy formula for her anymore. The cancer had consumed my mother's energy, and Lisse had only breastfed for three months before my mother had nothing left to give. Mom lost the fight a few days before Lisse turned one, but she hadn't been able to speak to anyone for weeks.

Celia moved past me, her eyes red and socketed from her stressful weeping. Calvin was sullenly putting out five plates and cups and sets of silverware. I gingerly stepped up to Ben, who looked less stressed then before, but not by much. It was his junior year, and studies to become an engineer getting harder, and the loans were stacking up.

"Do you need anything?" I asked softly.

He buried his face in his hands, running his hands through his dark short hair. "Thanks for shutting them up. I just need a good ten hours to look this over before the test tomorrow." His sarcasm was bitter, scalding.

I made up my mind. I closed his textbook, saving his place with a folder. "Take a break. You wont learn anything if you're so mad." For a second he looked like he wanted to punch me, but then he just relaxed. "You're right. I'll help you make dinner."

---

Ben was three years older then me, and the smartest guy in the family for sure, but he couldn't cook worth a damn. I had him slicing up apples while I made two boxes of macaroni. He poured us each half a cup of milk and put a dash of water in each cup to make the milk last longer. He poured some water in the jug, shook it up, and put it back in the fridge. I put a lump of macaroni on everybody's plate and called everyone to the kitchen, where we ate on a folded-out card table.

I hefted Lisse into her high chair. Celia looked calmer, but her eyes were hollow and stressed. Calvin looked sullen and hungry. Lisse just looked exhausted. Ben was slightly better, but he had that look in his eyes that told me that he was depressed and angry.

"Let's say grace everybody." He murmured. We all bowed our heads and clasped our hands. "Thank you Lord, for this food you have set before us. We pray that I will do good on my tests tomorrow, that Calvin and Celia do good in their schoolwork, and that Lisse can get toilet trained as soon as possible." Celia and Calvin chuckled. I had a weary smile. I changed most of her diapers.

"And we pray that Toby is safe, and for his safe return. It's just another few weeks."

I saw Calvin fidget, and I wanted to beat his skull in. I didn't move, I just waited for Ben to be done, and then I started to eat.

What little extra there was went to Lisse and Ben. The apple slices tasted good, we hadn't had fruit in a while.

---

It was nine, and all of the younger ones were going to bed. Calvin, Celia, and Lisse all slept in one room. Me and Ben split the big bed.

Calvin's pajamas were too small. He was curling up in the top bunk. I visited him. "Hey buddy. I'm sorry about earlier, we were just very stressed out. And it was a long day."

He glared at me. "It's always a long day. You're always stressed."

I sighed and pressed my forehead against the edge of the bed. "Yeah, I know. I'm really sorry. I'll make it up to you guys, okay? Maybe sometime soon we can eat out."

He grinned. He had my mom's eyes. Calvin frustrated me, but I could never hate him or Celia, or Lisse. They were a part of me. "Really?"

I ruffled his dumb mohawk. "Really."

I crouched so I could talk to Celia. She was wearing one of Toby's old t-shirts that sagged down to her knees.

"Hey Celie-belie." I whispered, tickling her stomach. She giggled. "Thanks for helping today, but be careful in the kitchen. If these lazy bums wont help, then just wait for me to get back, okay? Goodnight Celie-belie."

"Goodnight Neilie-belie." She whispered, turning over to sleep. She looked more like her father. She had his dark hair and eyes. She even had the heavy straight line of his brows, and she frowned in the same way. I loved her, but sometimes the faint resemblance to him made me uneasy.

I made sure that Lisse was sleeping and had her sippy cup with her in the too-small crib. It had finally cooled down a little, with all of the windows open and the old fan on full blast. Her hair was still sticky with sweat. I would give her a bath in the morning.

I went to the kitchen, where Ben was studying again. "I'm gonna turn in, kay? I have to get up early to get to the factory. Don't stay up too late, okay?"

He nodded. "Neil? Thanks for helping out tonight. It was a real mess here."

I hugged him. "No problem. Go to bed before midnight."

---

I worked at a factory that made IV fluid. For my shifts, I slit open hundred-pound bags of powder and dumped it into a gigantic vat of boiling water. It got to be monotonous, almost meditative. But my shift at the IV factory didn't start until eleven. I woke up at six with him snoring next to me. I packed three lunches, one for each of the twins and one for me. Cheese sandwiches with a plastic bag of olives each. I wrote a note for our neighbor Rosa who came over to babysit Lisse a few hours a day. She was nice, and all she asked was thirty bucks a week and a meal a day. A better deal then anyone else we could find, plus she was always available, since her kids had moved away.

I started walking down the highway. It was an eight-mile walk to the county jail.

---

I had arranged for a visit with Toby the week before. They were pretty lax about visiting hours. You had to arrange them at least three days in advance, but they could lose visiting privilege for bad behavior. It seemed like Toby was always in trouble. 

But when I got there they welcomed me in and I waited in a dingy little room while they brought him to the visiting center. A cop ran a metal-detecter over me, quickly went through my bag, and let me in. It was a casual check. Toby was only in for another couple of weeks, and they weren't worried about him breaking out now.

The visiting room was small and bright. A table and two chairs and a bright fluorescent light made up the whole thing. My oldest brother was sitting in one of the chairs, all 240 lean muscular pounds of him. He was the spitting image of my father. Every time I saw him, I was shocked by how dangerous he looked. He had a mop of unruly pale brown hair and a carefully trimmed brown beard and wild blue eyes and a scar on his cheek. The scar was new, taped shut with butterfly stitches.

He stood up in a fluid motion, grinning. "Neil!" He hugged me tightly and I hugged him back, my cheek against the rough canvas of his blue jacket. "It's good to see you Bro." He growled, and I could hear a hint of tearfulness in his voice.

I dug in my backpack as soon as he let me go. I gave him three books that I had bought for ten cents each at a garage sale. I took out the saran-wrapped loaf of banana bread that Celia had made for him. I had some crayon drawings (bright scribbles mostly) from Lisse, and Ben had enclosed a folder of glossy magazine pictures cut out from Penthouse and Hustler. I had a ziplock bag of candy that was supposed to be from Calvin, but that didn't fool him.

"That kid hates me. You don't have to keep pretending to bring presents from him."

I shrugged. "He'll warm up to you. What happened to your cheek?"

Toby looked through the folder of pictures, grunting with approval. I chuckled. "Got into a fight. He started it, so that's why I can still visit you."

I bit my lip. "Be careful Toby. You're going to get out soon."

He sighed. "Soon? Three weeks ain't soon enough."

I glanced at the clock. We only had ten more minutes. I grabbed his hand. "You haven't been out for more than three years. We need you. Don't get yourself shivved or killed in the home stretch." I felt tears beading up in my eyes. "I miss you."

He looked at me and his eyes were sad. He got up and hugged me again. He smelled like soap and sweat. I missed him so bad. "You're the only one who does Bro. Ben visits sometimes, but he's busy with his life and his girl. Celia's a sweetheart, but how much can even the sweetest kid in the world like the man who killed their father?"

I squeezed him. "You shouldn't be here. He was a monster." I started to cry and he rubbed my back. I had to work so hard at home. I was always the one that had my head. I was the one who took care of everything. It was only when I visited Toby that I got to let go, got to be a kid. I had been a surrogate parent since mom died. I had quit school my Junior year to work two jobs, when Ben had lost his.

The intercom crackled. "Time's up. Toby, you leave first."

I slipped a five-dollar bill into his hand. He tried to shove it back, but I closed his fingers. "For a rainy day." I whispered, wiping my face. "It isn't much, just take it!"

He took his gifts and stepped out of the electronic door, waving goodbye.

---

"Neil!" Browning grunted. This time I managed to wrap the tip of his cock with the tissue first.

I threw the twist of tissue into the waste bin and got out of the back room to look through the grocery section and see if there was anything I needed. Browning was zipping his fly, turning the sign, and then he answered the telephone, which was buzzing like a massive fly.

I stacked Hungry Man TV dinners in the string bag. They were on sale, ten for twenty dollars, and I knew I couldn't pass that up. All they had was fried chicken, and Celia hated fried chicken, but maybe I could find something else...

"Neil? It's your brother, he says it's an emergency."

I ran to the phone, dropping the string shopping bag where I had been standing. I pressed the warm plastic to my ear.

"Hello? Hello? Ben? What's going on?"

Ben's voice was weary more then anything else. "Calvin's hurt." He said dully. "When the twins were walking to school, this pit bull was loose... He had some broken twine around it's collar. They've killed the dog, but it savaged and broke Calvin's arm. We're in the emergency room now. Celia's at the apartment with Lisse and Rosa, she had a panic attack."

I could feel my heart sinking. This latest blow would mean more money to be spent. More money then we had. Also, a visit from the social worker. "Do you want me to come there...?" I asked.

"Don't bother. Calvin's staying the night. Just get back to Celia and Lisse, Kay? Also, win the lottery." He was trying to be funny, but I could hear the despair behind his words, the worry.

When I hung up, Browning was looking at me timidly. "I'm sorry Neil... are you going to be okay?"

He rung up the Hungry Man dinners automatically. I forced myself to speak cheerfully. "He didn't get hurt bad, we can take care of it."

He looked at me sadly. He could see right through me. He had bitten his lip, as if he were thinking hard about saying something, but afraid to say it.

"Neil? Can I tell you something? Please don't take it the wrong way."

My heart was in my throat, and I could feel tears pressing close to the surface. Was he going to tell me that he didn't want my blowjobs anymore? Sometimes the 'forgotten' twenty dollars on our tab was all that kept us from going without some necessity or another.

"Before... Before our arrangement I wasn't exactly celibate." He spoke very softly, glancing at the door, ready to stop if anyone came in. "There is a place downtown, a mile or so from here. There are four or five boys that hang out around the lamp post at the corner. Rent boys."

I stared at him. I had never heard that term before, but I knew what he meant from the context. Male hookers, who serviced men. I stared at him warily.

"They waited at the corner, and you would come up, pay them and go to this shabby apartment behind them and choose a room." He watched me nervously and licked his lips. "If you needed extra money..." He trailed off, his eyes shifting. He was afraid that I would get angry.

'I suppose you saved a lot of money when you hired me.' I thought bitterly. I just couldn't handle it, I had too much to think about.

I started to leave without saying anything. Browning told me the address as I stepped out. He looked so old all of a sudden.


Eyes Like Winona Ch. 02



*Welcome back! I just finished up the next chapter and it will be up in two more weeks, hopefully I can write fast enough so that the chapter after that will be on time-ish.

And to those who begged me to send out new chapters sooner, no. Just no :) Maybe I can live up to my name after all.

I have the entire story outlined, so I know what is going to happen when. I just need to flesh it out. The breaks between chapters are not terribly clear, so you might want to go back and read the last few paragraphs of the first chapter.

Enjoy!

All characters are 18+





I arrived home at about 11, surprised at how the time had passed. Ben was up studying, and he got up eagerly.

For an irrational moment, I thought that he would know what I had done. Maybe it would be emblazoned on my forehead in bright accusatory red, like the mark of Cain. Maybe he would smell the stink of sweat and shame and sex on me. Maybe he would read it in my eyes or taste it in my words or just *know*, through some faint but damning form of telepathy.

But he just wanted the money, the money that I had gotten while helping Mr. Browning unload boxes from the supply truck.

I had separated the ninety dollars from the transaction. Thinking of it as a transaction helped me to think about it at all. I had thirty dollars in my left pocket an the other sixty in my right. It had occurred to me on the way home that even if I made thousands of dollars a night, I had to think of ways to spend it without Ben noticing. At least that would be easy.

Other then minimums on student loans and the rent and the utilities, Ben paid very little attention to our financial needs. That's probably how I had been able to get our 'discount' on groceries every week for almost six months without him noticing. Whatever was left over from his college and our living expenses, was given to me to handle. I shopped for clothes and groceries and paid school lunch fees and all of the little things that nipped at our heels. If I was careful, I could use this money.

And really, we were still going to be poor. This sixty dollars would barely buy a weeks worth of groceries.

I handed Ben the thirty dollars. He would probably spend it on a dinner with his girlfriend, but I didn't begrudge him that. He loved Patricia, and he didn't get to treat her often.

I was thinking about numbers and necessities. What did we need more? Shoes for Celia, or clothes for Lisse? It calmed me down. It wasn't until I got into the shower that I started to think about what I had done.

For the first time, I was alone. The water was too loud for anyone to hear me. The door was locked, there were no eyes to see me. I pressed my forehead into the wet tiles and started to shake. Nothing would come out, not a word, not a sound, nothing but tears that I couldn't see or feel with the water streaming down my face.

---

I saw Calvin before he went to school the next day. He had a bright-green cast from elbow to wrist. I signed it with a sharpie before giving him his bologna and cheese sandwich for the day. Ben told me that we owed the hospital a thousand and forty six dollars in all. For the stay and the food and the medication. We had no insurance. We still owed them over three thousand dollars for Mom, and her chemotherapy treatments that had barely been covered with our Stepfather's insurance. When he died, the insurance company fought tooth and nail not to cover Mom, but lost on the grounds that she had been covered by it while he was alive. When she died, the insurance disappeared, and we couldn't afford any more.

"Any luck finding a job?" I asked him.

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "No." That was it. I suspected that he wasn't even looking.

"Ben? I have some friends that work at the factory. We're going to hang out at Scott's place tonight, watch a movie." I made up the name of my 'employee friend' on the spot.

Ben looked at me sharply, and he wanted to refuse me. I could see it in his eyes. But even he could see what a dick-move it would be to refuse me a night by myself after all I had done for him and our family.

"Sure, but don't do any drugs, don't drink, and don't be late for work tomorrow."

I had my window, my excuse, my alibi, my lie. I sighed, grabbed my bologna and cheese sandwich, and started to walk to the factory.

---

Friday was paycheck day for both my factory job and my job with Mr. Browning. Combined, it was a bit less then five hundred. I tucked my factory paycheck into my jeans, rubbing the aching small of my back.

I was still hungry after my sandwich. But until dinner, all I could expect to have in my mouth was Mr. Browning's cock.

---

Four hundred and eighty-six dollars wasn't much to support a family on. But all at once, it seemed like a lot. It was tempting, very tempting not to go to the street corner that night.

But then I handed the checks to Ben, and I knew that most of it would go to this dump of an apartment, and that the rest of it would be spent on food. Only the crumbs would be left.

---

It was a warm night. Steam boiled up from the damp streets and from the gutters. People wore shorts and t-shirts and fanned themselves from the heavy hot air. I took a cold shower, got in my jeans cutoffs and this old pepsi T-shirt I had. The fabric was very tight.

I looked at myself in the steamy mirror before I left. I had dressed like this before, the cutoffs were comfortable, and I used them as a swimsuit in the summer. They were a little shorter than was really comfortable, but that had never bothered me before. Now it bothered me. Because when I looked in the mirror, I knew that men would be looking at me. Men would be looking at my ass and crotch and chest through the tight fabric. I would have to suck a lot of cocks to make money. And this time, a pimp would be taking half of my money. I couldn't just quit after one guy.

I remembered how scared I had been, how nervous and ashamed afterward. I had to get a thicker skin. I had to, if I was going to make money.

---

I was leaving at eight. Drake said that they started at eight, but when I got there, Jose was the only guy lounging on the steps.

I crossed the street to him, feeling naked in my short cutoffs and tight shirt. It was all about context. I felt more naked now then I ever had walking around the apartment in just my boxers during the dog-days of summer.

He looked up at me with imperious grey eyes and held out one hand to shake. "Hey honey." He said, soft sarcasm lacing his words.

"Um. Hi." I mumbled, feeling like an idiot. "Is D-Drake here?"

Jose nodded, jerking his head towards the door. "Drake is with one of his regulars now. Should be out soon. The man is a regular wham-bam, thank-you-Sam, kind of guy. Sit back, relax. The big man is gonna want to talk to you tonight. Start taking his share."

I sat on the steps, feeling a little nervous. What if someone stopped in a car and wanted to take me into one of the rooms? I didn't have keys, and I really needed to talk to Drake first, and I wasn't sure if I was ready.

But before I could worry too hard, the door behind us opened, and Drake came down the steps. I saw the man from yesterday, the man in the truck leaving down the sidewalk, but I couldn't have cared less about him. I only had eyes for Drake.

His dark hair was combed forward and off to the side a little. He flicked his head to keep it out of his deep-black eyes. He was wearing little bike shorts that made my cutoffs look conservative. On top, he had a black muscle shirt. His arms were long and pale and lean with muscle.

He touched my shoulder through my t-shirt, bending over slightly. "Come on, Ryan. We gotta talk to Ferdinand."

I almost sprang up and followed him down the street between the apartment buildings and the parking structure. The road was thin and dark, the gutters full of broken glass and trash. I walked side-by-side with him, and I saw where we were headed.

Just out of view of the corner, was a sleek black car, set up to view the corner, but stay out of the way. As we walked towards the car, he gave me a little smile.

"I wasn't sure if you would come back."

"I had to."

"I know... But I can usually tell when someone is going to come back or not. With you, I wasn't sure."

I felt a confused tight feeling in my chest. I looked nervously at the car. We were almost there. I could see the outline of a man, in the middle of a cloud of smoke.

I jumped as he grasped my hand, giving it a quick squeeze before letting go. "Don't worry, please. Ferdinand is a classy guy. Just be polite."

And with that, he opened the passenger door for me, and I got in. Drake climbed in the back and closed the door. I coughed in the cloud of cherry-smelling smoke, and looked to the left with watering eyes to see the man who would be my pimp.

Ferdinand had a heavy jowly face like a bulldog. His hair was thinning and grey, and he had it swept backwards with some kind of product. He was smoking a home-rolled cigarette with some kind of flavored tobacco and dark paper. He snuffed the cigarette as Drake closed the car door and scooted to the middle of the back. Ferdinand opened the window to let in some fresh air, and I breathed in deep with relief.

"You're Ryan?"

I nodded, too nervous to speak. He looked over to the right. His voice was so deep and growling. It was rough with cigarettes. The image of a bulldog was just enforced.

His eyes were small and pale, but there was no malice or coldness in them. "You want a cigarette?"

I shook my head again, and I whispered. "No, thank you."

He shrugged. "You don't have to look so scared, kid. I ain't gonna bite you. This isn't some big inner-city ring where I'm gonna beat you and get you hooked on smack to make sure you keep coming back. I just employ a handful of boys like you who need the dough, I sell a little weed, I run a few bets on the weekends. Pocket change. Just making sure I have a comfortable retirement, you understand."

I nodded. Drake rested his hand on my shoulder from behind.

"Ryan is clean. No drugs, no booze, and he's got a good reason. He can make the commitment."

He was standing up for me. I felt a warm bubble deep in my chest.

Ferdinand coughed. "Well, Ryan. Did you hear that? He said commitment. And that's what I expect from you. You got this one last chance to turn us down, but if you agree, this is like any other job. If you're moving, or if you want to quit, you have to give me three weeks notice. Understand?"

"Yes." I whispered. "I need this job." I felt cold, but Drake's hand was on my shoulder, and that helped.

"Did Drake talk to you about payment?"

I nodded. "Um, a little. Twenty for a handjob, forty for a blowjob, fifty for them giving me a blowjob, a hundred and fifty for, for sex... And... um... if it's anything special, I should talk to you?"

Ferdinand looked back at Drake, smiling, his heavy lips hanging like strips of liver. "Drake, you found me a smart one this time. Now, yesterday that fellow paid you eighty dollars up front. But now how it works is the clients will drive up the corner to request your time. Then you will walk over when you're done and tell me what you did and give me the money. I keep a ledger and I give you your half when you're done for the night."

He looked me straight in the eye. "I don't trust Kirk, because a long time ago, he tried to cheat me. Now, I keep a very close eye on his transactions. We go by the honor system here. And if I don't suspect you, we have nothing to worry about. If I think you are cheating me, I'll break your arm and you get one more chance. If you cheat me again, I break your other arm and we have nothing more to say to each other. Do you understand me?"

My mouth felt dry, and my skin felt clammy and cold. "Y-Yes." I whispered.

He smiled again. "You're a smart kid, and I don't think I'll have to worry about you. Right Drake?"

I looked back and Drake was shaking his head.

---

When we got back to the steps, Jose was gone but Kirk had showed up. He was one of those lanky redheads that could tan. His darkened skin was alive with freckles and his long calves were speckled with thick gold-red hairs. The hair on his head was clumped into red curls like clock-springs that jutted from his scalp at odd angles. He had a scraggly red goatee and stoned blue eyes. He was dressed in a flimsy wife-beater top so thin I could see his nipples through the fabric, and cargo shorts below. His feet were bare, and he was dipping his toes in the puddle at the base of the stairs.

He looked blearily up at me and smiled. He had faint brace-lines on his teeth, spots of white enamel that contrasted with the slightly duller ivory around it. "Welcome to the boy's corner." He yawned, and as he sighed I could smell the skunky odor of pot. I had never smoked pot, but sometimes Ben smelled like it when he came home from visiting his girlfriend.

"Hi." I whispered, sitting down on the steps. Drake leaned against the cast-iron rail, eyeing the streets.

"Whenever someone comes up, it's good manners for one of us to go up and talk to them. They point out which guy they want to go back with, and what they want to do. If it's something unorthodox, we go and talk with Ferdinand. Next guy comes up, you should go and talk to him. Just be polite, okay?"

"Okay, Drake." I whispered.

"Also, once or twice a week a cop comes around and Ferdinand pays him. Just a little. This is a tiny racket. After his expenses, it's only a couple thousand or so a week for him."

Considering I was making about five hundred a week by working two jobs, this was still impressive. I couldn't get his voice out of my head, threatening to break my arms.

I jumped as Drake touched my shoulder. "Just don't cheat him, Ryan. It's a risk that he has to take, trusting us with customers. A thing that he has to watch out for is one of us taking money for a fuck, but only giving him the price of a blowjob. He can't have us skimming off the top. Just don't cross him, kay?"

"Okay." I whispered.

He touched my shoulder again. "But if they just give you a tip, it's yours. Make sure to tell him about it, but he lets you keep tips."

I had a key in my pocket. Room nine would be my room for the rest of the night. A silver car pulled up to the corner, and I got up. My knees felt rubbery and my throat felt dry. I felt more naked then ever.

The window rolled down, and I was looking at the youngest man that I had seen here before. He was balding an bespectacled and nervously thin.

"Hi." I murmured. Not knowing what else to say.

He gave me a quick appraisal. "I want to go with Dean please."

I walked back to the steps. "He wants you Dean." I murmured, feeling weak when I sat down. He nodded and when the bespectacled man came back from parking his car, he went into the apartment with 'Dean'.

I sat with Kirk in the silence. "Is Kirk your real name?" I asked quietly.

He shook his head. "Naw, is Ryan yours?"

I shook my head. "Um... How long has Drake been here?"

Kirk shrugged. "I've been here the longest. Jose came a month ago, and Drake came here in January. The most people that have ever worked here at once is six. Drake has always been the golden boy though. There's just something people like about him. Ferdinand gets rid of you if you can't consistently keep five customers a night. That's his guidelines."

Another car pulled up. I looked at him and he groaned. "You get it."

I walked up to the car and the window opened. The man inside was tall and older. I would guess fifty, even sixty, but his body was trim and lean and well taken care of. He had a mustache and thick grey hair.

"You're new, aren't you?" He asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"Do you take it up the ass?"

My cheeks flushed with blood, and for a moment I felt very weak. I shook my head, and I was surprised that I felt ashamed.

"That's alright. I'll take you."

He drove off to park, and I felt very alone. I wasn't going to have Drake to help me this time, I was on my own.

---

"You look really nervous."

It was a quiet observation. He was sitting on the corner of the bed in immaculate slacks and a white shirt and sport coat. The loafers on his feet looked expensive and new. I could see a little case of reading glasses in his shirt pocket. He looked for everything in the world like a college professor.

I faced the door, I had just closed it. "I'm sorry. I'm really new at this."

I still didn't know what he wanted, so I sat on the bed next to him. "I only started yesterday."

"Take your shirt off."

I did. I folded it and put it on the floor at the foot of the bed. He seemed to think that was funny, he had a little smile on his face. I crossed my arms and leaned forward so my forearms were resting on my knees. He made no move to touch me.

"I wonder what you'll bring to the mix." He murmured.

"What do you mean?" Anything to keep him talking.

"Well, people like Dean because he is very professional. You never feel guilty after him. People like Kirk because he's vulgar. He can talk dirty without sounding fake, he can do stripteases, make your heart pound. Jose is a snob. In a good way. He looks down at people like they are dirt even as he's sucking your cock. A lot of people get off on that. I'm just wondering what you'll bring to the mix."

I looked down at my knees. "I... I don't know."

I didn't like this conversation. I just wanted to start. I didn't know what he wanted. I leaned over and pressed my lips against his mouth. He seemed surprised, but in a moment he willingly moved his lips with the kiss. His mustache was rough and wiry against my upper lip.

"Maybe that's what you'll bring." He murmured, as I broke away and wondered what on earth he even wanted.

"Um... Am I doing something wrong?"

He looked genuinely surprised. "What makes you say that?"

I flushed. "Well, you aren't... You're just talking to me."

He smiled, and it was a nice smile. I saw the wedding ring on his finger for the first time, and realized, that this was someone's husband. Maybe someone's father, or even grandfather. And by being with me, he was breaking his trust with all of them. I felt awful.

"Sorry, I didn't realize you were so eager. Take off those shorts, sweetheart."

I did, feeling sad and heavy, wondering if I would even be able to get it up. I felt his dry soft hands on me, fondling my genitals, and weighing their softness.

He untucked his shirt and unbuckled his belt. He lay back on the bed and pushed his pants down far enough to take out a thoroughly average cock about an inch shorter then mine.

I wasn't sure what to do, he was lying down. I started to get up and crawl over so I could suck his cock, feeling very exposed. Why did I have to get completely naked just so I could suck his cock?

My body was perpendicular to his when I took his cock in hand and started to stroke it. He reached out and grabbed my buttock in one hard groping hand. He tugged the lower half of my body over, ignoring my startled cry.

"That's it, you little slut." He groaned. "Suck my cock, and spread your legs. I want to suck your fat cock." Gone was the aged college professor, his voice was piggish and greedy. He yanked my hips until I was in a 69 position with him as the top. I moaned and flinched as he started sucking my cock. I wasn't ready for it, and his teeth were scraping across the soft flesh.

I wished that Drake was with us. It would have made me feel better.

---

When we were finished, I rinsed off in the sink with a washcloth. I let him have the wash cloth to wipe his privates. It was awkward, but I could deal with it. I pulled on my shorts and shirt.

He paid me ninety dollars, but he gave me a five-dollar tip. I thanked him for it, and kissed him again, softly. He touched my hair.




Eyes Like Winona Ch. 02



"You're a good boy. What's your name?"

I almost said Neil. I saved myself and told him my fake name.

"Well Ryan, tell me if you ever put that ass of yours on the market. Understand?"

I nodded. It was vulgar, and it made me feel dirty, but he was paying me. He didn't have to treat me nice. I had to treat him nice.

He left towards his car. I locked the room and went out. Drake was the only one on the steps. Jose was still with his customer, and Kirk must have picked up one while I was with the college-professor.

Drake stood up with a lank easy grace, unfolding his lean body like a length of wire. He walked with me to Ferdinand's car. "That was the first client on your own, are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." I murmured. "I made another ninety."

I smiled wryly. "Correction, I made fifty."

"You got a tip?"

"I got a tip."

Ferdinand opened the window and I took out the mess of crumpled tens and twenties. I took back the five. "That was the tip." I whispered to him. "He... I gave him a blowjob and he gave me a blowjob."

Ferdinand nodded. "Good work Ryan. Do you need a break?"

I wanted one. I badly wanted one. But I shook my head. I needed money more. Ferdinand gestured to the steps, and I walked back with Drake.

When we sat on the concrete, he put his long thin arm around my shoulders. "Are you really okay?" He asked quietly.

I shrugged and looked down at the gritty concrete between my shoes. Celia wasn't the only one who needed new shoes. Mine were torn to shreds. I had duct tape all over the heels to keep the soles from flapping.

"Here. If you want it." He held a small glass object in his hand. I didn't recognize it at first, I leaned in. It was a small glass pipe, clear but with ribbons of blue in it. It looked like a small sculpture, but it had a bowl filled with brownish green stuff.

"Ferdinand lets us have a nug or two a night, as long as he knows that we're smoking it. He doesn't want us to take it and resell elsewhere. It helps to relax."

I looked down at the pretty little pipe, I think they called them 'pieces'. Mom had been on medical marijuana for the last three years of her life. It had come in little red pills. I wondered if the pills had gotten her stoned like this stuff would.

Drake put his arm back around my shoulder. "You don't have to if you don't want to, but it's just weed. It's not addictive. It will relax you, make you feel better. Might make you a little giggly or hungry.

I shook my head. "No thanks." He shrugged and knocked the green nugget of weed back into a ziplock baggie. He put the piece in his pocket.

"I like that about you. You don't just listen to what people say." I felt warmth in my stomach at the compliment. I liked his arm around my shoulder. It wasn't obvious or loud, it was a simple sign of affection.

"Are you kidding? That's all I do." After a moment of not clarifying, I asked him, "What do you do when you're not here?"

He shrugged. "I work at McDonalds, I go to college. Second year of studying for a degree as a Nurse. I'll be out of here soon. I've been saving up." He held up one long finger. "One sec, I got something for you."

He ran inside to his room, the first apartment. When he came back he had a tiny canister. It was a little grey canister covered in black warning labels. The canister was held in a cradle of orange plastic, and it had little metal key-ring dangling from it. It was a tiny canister of mace.

"You never know. I would just feel better if you started carrying this. I do." He brought out a canister that was the twin of mine, only red. "So, carry it? Please?"

I took the canister from his warm fingertips. "Thank you." I whispered, glancing up into his dark eyes and the soft black lashes that haloed them, before looking down at his knees. "I'll carry it." I slipped it into my pocket, and enjoyed the feeling of his arm around my shoulders.

A car came up to the curb and he went up to greet them. I bitterly hated the man in the car for interrupting us. I hated him even more when he took Drake away from me, leaving me alone.



*Hope you liked it! Remember to keep an eye out for my Nude Day submission, 'The Goats'*



Eyes Like Winona Ch. 03



*Next chapter is nearly ready.

I love this series, and if I finish the chapters I'll issue them faster.

All Characters are 18+*

*

"Neil!" I caught his semen in a twist of tissue.

He always said that when he came. Always. It bothered me. It bothered me more then some of the things I did at night. At least they knew me as Ryan. At least they paid me a decent amount. At least they didn't know where I lived.

I stood up in a hurry and left the back room, unlocking the front door and taking down the 'back in five minutes' sign.

Ten days. Ten days and almost three thousand dollars. I was still just doing blowjobs, but I had a couple of regular customers now, people who liked me better then the others. I had more clients. Some nights, I made my entire week's pay.

Now, the hardest part was how to be careful with it so Ben didn't know. Sometimes it was pathetic how easy that was. I was even paying Mom's old hospital bills. I looked at all of the mail, so it was easy to remove the notices telling us to pay the minimum interest. It was easy to hide the notices telling us how much we still owed. Easy to hide the bills that I was paying. With Ben, out of sight was out of mind. I was close to paying almost all of that old hospital bill, and he didn't have a clue.

He would find out one day. And I still didn't know what I would tell him then. But I wouldn't be doing this forever, just until Toby got back and got a job. It was nice getting this much money, but it wasn't worth it. Not worth what I had to do every night, not worth the deception.

I had been stuffing frozen peas into my shopping bag, and I stood stock-still when I had that thought. What about Drake?

That was the real question.

---

I got home and they were fighting.

Ben was glaring down at Calvin and Calvin was glaring right back. Celia was nowhere to be seen, and Lisse was bawling in her playpen. She saw me and reached out appeasingly.

"Neeeiw! Neiw!" She couldn't pronounce L's, I was Neiw to her. I rushed to her and picked her up, bouncing her.

"What's going on?" I asked flatly, trying to sound like I was in authority. My stomach felt sick.

Ben was furious. "Calvin thinks he can just eat every damn thing in the house. He doesn't know how much groceries cost!"

I looked at Calvin, and Calvin's round face flushed with heat. "I can NEVER bring friends here, I just gave them some ramen noodles and Ben wont shut up about it!"

Ben interrupted him. "You and one other kid ate SEVEN cups of ramen! That's more then your entire family eats in one day you little pig! We were gonna eat that tonight you fat little bastard!"

I saw tears beading in Calvin's eyes. "You all hate me!" He bawled, trying to wipe his eyes with his bare arm and trying to keep the angry tears from his voice. "Every damn one of you!" He ran away and I swore under my breath. Lisse hiccupped a sob and bleated "Bad word Neiw, bad word!"

I shoved the groceries at Ben. "You're older than me! You should know better!" I bounced Lisse in my arms and ran after Calvin, hearing Ben sputter behind me.

I opened the door. Calvin was in the top bunk, facedown in the pillow, sobbing. Celia was in the bottom bunk, her homework on her lap, her forehead furrowed with stress.

"Here, hold Lisse." I murmured. Celia took Lisse and played patty-cake with her. Lisse didn't know how to sing the song, but she loved to clap hands together and babble nonsense-words. She was very vocal, even for a toddler.

"Patty-cake, patty-cake, bake-she a rake!! bwah bwah, cake fast as a can!"

I saw Calvin smiling as he sobbed. Lisse could make anyone smile when she didn't smell like shit. I put my hand on his shoulder, and I could feel the extra meat there. He was going to be overweight if he didn't watch it.

"That wasn't a smart thing to do." I murmured. "But Ben is overreacting, and I'm not mad at you. Just stay in here and I'll talk to him, okay?"

He nodded, not wanting to say anything when he was so upset.

---

"Let's go out for dinner."

Ben looked at me like I was crazy. "We can't afford that."

"I was just thinking McDonalds. I made an extra twenty bucks today helping Browning unload some supplies. That's more then enough for five meals as long as the kids get kid's meals." I couldn't tell if I was grateful or dismayed at how easily the lie rolled off of my tongue. We had more money now, and whenever we bought something, I just said that I had unloaded for Mr. Browning. How much longer could I use that excuse?

He turned, his face was red. "Are we rewarding Calvin for eating seven meals by buying him another one? What's wrong with you? And besides, that should go towards paying Rosa, or groceries, or--"

I interrupted him. "Or how about some weed for you and Patricia? How about a movie for you and Patricia? How about a new pair of earrings for Patricia?"

His face went darker and he shut up. I felt a small vindictive pleasure. He had thought that I didn't know about any of that stuff.

"I like Patricia." I said quietly. "And it's fine if you want to spend some money on her now and then, but you can't deny the rest of us. Just because we're living from paycheck to paycheck, doesn't mean we need to live like animals. It's just one night out, to McDonalds. Kay?"

He agreed, but I couldn't help one last jab. "And the next time you blame Calvin for eating too much, remember that I'm the one bringing in all of the money, and college costs quite a bit more then ramen."

---

We walked the three blocks to McDonalds. Lisse managed to walk most of the way there, looking adorable. Ben carried her on the way back. I had two quarter pounders, and the hot cheap meat and cheese was greasy and salty and absolutely divine. I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten out.

---

I met Drake and Kirk at the corner. Jose was inside. I was wearing my shorts and a red tank top. It was a girl's tank top. Ben had bought it for Celia at a thrift store, and it had been a dozen sizes too big for her. It was getting colder, so I had a light sweater over it. I took it off when I got to the corner, and waved to Ferdinand. I saw a shadow of a hand in the cloud of smoke within his car.

I sat down next to Drake and he groaned softly and leaned his head on my shoulder. It was kind of pathetic how hard I had fallen for him. I sighed and leaned right back, resting my cheek on his temple.

On one hand, I was the only one he touched like this. These easy touches that seemed to waver in some happy medium between friendly and amorous. On the other hand, there was never anything else. I was afraid to try and act on it. It would never work, never. Considering what we did every night. I didn't want a partner if I was sucking off thirty guys a night. I didn't want a partner who did the same or worse.

A big luxury car pulled up, but then went past, towards Ferdinand. I saw the wisp of smoke as Ferdinand opened his car window to talk with whoever was in the SUV.

Then I heard my fake name. He was sticking his head out of the window, and calling, "Ryan!" in his hoarse smoker's voice.

Drake sighed and sat up. "Whoever's in that monster, they got a kink. Remember, you got the right to refuse them."

I felt anxious. I felt anxiety every night, but for the first time in almost a week, I felt a hint of real fear. I trotted over to Ferdinand and the SUV, looking back at Drake for comfort. He grinned and gave me two thumbs up.

I stepped up to Ferdinand's car, my cheap foam flip-flops scuffing on the sidewalk. I looked up at the SUV, and to my shock, there were two men in the car. I masked my thoughts and bent down to talk to Ferdinand.

Ferdinand took a puff of his strawberry-flavored cigarette. It was home-rolled, and falling apart. "These fine gentlemen have suggested a deal. They're partners, and they would like to pay for your services together. I told them where you draw the line, but this isn't a problem for them. It will be pricy. They want the full treatment, there's two of them, and if you agree, they would like to play some with rope."

I froze with my hand on the rim of his window. The full treatment was a code. It meant that they wanted foreplay and kissing and touching, like a lover. It cost a lot extra. Kirk refused to do it. He didn't mind getting tied up, or getting fucked in the ass, or using toys or having others watch, but he did mind acting like a lover.

And rope... I had never dealt with kinks before, and I was scared.

He saw the look on my face. "Would you feel better if one of the others watched?"

I felt some relief, and I nodded. I looked up at the men in the SUV. They were young, and in shape. They looked like a normal gay couple. Why on earth were they here? I couldn't understand why anyone would want to sleep around with their partner.

"How much?" I asked quietly.

"Six hundred total, three of that for you. If they still want you after paying an extra hundred to have someone watch."

Three hundred from just one gig... That seemed unheard-of. Ferdinand was telling them that I wanted someone to watch, and the one in the passenger's seat was trying to convince the one in the driver's seat that it was a fun idea, that it was worth the extra hundred. The man in the driver's seat agreed eventually.

Ferdinand glanced at me. "Ask which of the others wants to watch. It's a hundred dollars, they get fifty."

I walked back to the corner, feeling cold and nervous, but a little aroused nonetheless.

Drake was looking up at me, his long arms and long legs folded, his elbows resting on his bony knees and his chin resting in his palms. When his eyes looked up, they looked slightly slanted. Because of the way the long lashes curled at the corner of his eyelid. I could see the yellow streetlight reflected in both of them as a soft dancing speck.

I didn't even consider Kirk.

"Drake?" I whispered, rubbing the back of my neck. Maybe he could sense how distressed I was. He stood up and put his hand on my shoulder. His fingers were soft and dry. He powdered his hands, I saw him doing it. When I asked him about it, he just shrugged and said he hated the feeling of having sweaty palms. I could smell the talcum powder.

"What is it Ryan?" Now that I was looking his eyes straight-on.

My name is Neil. I wanted to say that so badly. But I couldn't.

"There are two guys in that van." My voice came out a whisper. "They... They want to be with me together, and they want the full treatment." His fingers tensed slightly on my shoulder, but then they were relaxed. It happened so quickly, I wasn't sure if I had imagined it or not.

I was flushed. I was getting better and better at what I did in the apartment, but it was still hard to say things out loud. "I'm nervous, and they're willing to pay to have someone watch. I... I would feel safer if you came in."

I swept my hair behind my ear, fidgeting. My hair was getting too long.

"Don't worry Ryan... I'll watch. It's been a long time since a pair came, they must be new. It's a good idea to keep an eye on new people anyway."

They were out of their car and coming up. One of them was latino, tall and broad with tight muscles inside a tight muscle shirt. He had spiky black hair and a carefully maintained chin strap, and despite the darkness he was wearing a pair of wraparound pimp shades. My brother Ben liked to joke, and call them 'douche shades' whenever he saw someone wearing them.

The other was also muscular and lean, but he was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans. He was a little shorter, but just as big as his partner. He had bleach-blonde hair, and a ruddy complexion. His beefy forearms were scored with freckles. He was about six feet tall, and the latino man was maybe two inches taller. Drake could look the shorter one in the eye. The taller one was carrying a small duffel bag.

The shorter of the partners put his hand on my shoulder. His hand was heavy, and damp. "Let's head inside Sweetie." He murmured, squeezing slightly. I looked up at Drake and took some strength from his beautiful eyes.

---

Room seven was my room tonight. We let them in and Drake sat down on the creaky wooden chair across the room. He winked at me when they weren't looking at us.

I felt sick. I didn't want him to watch me do this, but at the same time, he was the only one I trusted. I felt the outside of my pocket, feeling the comforting bulge of the little canister of pepper spray.

"You can call me Benji." The bigger darker one rumbled.

The shorter one pouted. "Aw, I was gonna be Benji. Alright, I can be... Stanley."

They laughed, some kind of inside joke. I just sat down on the bed and kicked off my cheap shoes. "My name is Ryan... And this is Dean."

They glanced over at him. Benji let his eyes drift up and down and I felt a spike of jealousy on top of everything else. I bit my lip, and I kissed him. I was leaning into him, holding his shoulder, feeling the big muscles bulge under his muscle shirt. His lips tasted like sunscreen.

Stanley put his hands on my shoulders and bit the side of my neck, sucking and chewing. I tensed, but my gasp was swallowed up as Benji stuck his tongue in my mouth. He tasted like weed. His tongue was hot and rough, but smooth underneath. I flinched and shivered as Stanley slid one hand under my shirt and took a handful of the skin on my chest, my nipple in the middle. He squeezed while sucking hard on my neck. The other hand slid down and squeezed my buttock.

I tried not to squeal. He was hurting me. I hadn't agreed to this. I broke the kiss with Benji, panting. "P-Please... N-Not so rough." I glanced at Drake, and glanced back down, cringing with shame. What was I doing?

Drake wasn't smiling, but he mouthed. 'I'm here.' And I felt better.

"Sorry." Stanley grunted. He went right back to what he was doing, but a little less rough. He still sucked hard on my neck, but he wasn't using his teeth anymore. His hands used less pressure, but I could still feel the strength behind them.

Benji shucked off his muscle shirt. His body was bulging with muscle, hard and sleek, with tiny brown nipples. He was shaved smooth. He was like a body builder.

"Like my muscles?" He purred, flexing. They bulged like balloons. I leaned forward and touched the tip of my tongue under his massive pectorals. It was better then some of the older fatter men I had been with, but his muscles seemed grotesque. I did this so I wouldn't have to speak.

Stanley moved and jostled me so he was on his knees behind me and I was kneeling too, so my ass was in his lap. We both had shorts on, but I could feel his bulge against my ass and I felt uncomfortable. This entire thing was making me feel a little nauseous. I continued to lick his chest, and suck on his nipples. He tasted like lotion. I was squeezed between the two of them, sandwiched between their hard bodies and rough hands.

Benji seemed to like the attention as I pretended to worship his muscles. He just kept flexing. Stanley was busy grinding his bulge into my ass and rubbing my crotch through my shorts. I was semi-hard, but that was more from the vigorous rubbing then anything.

Drake was still sitting there, and I was grateful to see him averting his eyes. He was making sure I was safe, but he was looking down. I could see his beautiful black eyes through his thick lashes. I felt safer.

Stanley grabbed the hem of my tank top and yanked it over my head, tossing it to the side. He rubbed and pinched my nipples, never hard enough to make me tell him to stop. I just wanted this to be over.

Benji unbuckled his belt and pulled out his thick angry cock. It was pale brown, laced with veins, and an angry bright red at the tip. The foreskin bunched up around the head in thick uneven wrinkles. It had a very long slit down the middle that didn't look clean.

He put his hand on the back of my head and shoved it down on his cock. He was just pushing my head up and down, pulling me back up by my hair. I choked twice, but then I adjusted, tears watering in my eyes. I saw Drake lean forward, tense and drawn, but then lean back slightly, a frown on his face.

I could feel a bare swollen cock against the small of my back, and I panicked, but my shorts were still on and Stanley made no move to remove them. He was leaning forward and making out with Benji while Benji roughly and monotonously pushed me up and down on his cock.

His cock was dirty. I gagged not just from the invasion, but from the taste and smell. His pubes had been shaved a few days ago, but now they were rough black stubble that made my nose itch. 

"Fuck, I'm gonna come."

Benji yanked my head off of his cock by a handful of my hair. "Can't have that happening now." Stanley crooned. He jumped off of the bed and dug around in the duffel bag. I took the chance to take some deep breaths and wipe my face with a corner of the scratchy blanket. I looked to Drake. I felt sick, and kind of weak. I was shivering.

Benji pushed me back on the bed and yanked my shorts and underwear off. I moved my legs to help him. He started to jack off my cock. It wasn't completely hard, so it stretched in his hand. He was kind of rough, and I flinched. I was entirely naked, on my back. I had to force myself to keep my legs straight. They kept twitching, and I badly wanted to curl them up, just for some sort of protection.

Stanley crawled back on the bed, and now he was naked except for his socks. His body didn't have quite the muscle definition of Benji's body, but he was more massive. His skin looked patchy and flushed, bright pink in some places. His cock was circumcised and very thick. I wasn't sure I could open my mouth wide enough to fit it if he wanted me to suck it. The tip was narrow and red, but the shaft was very fat.

He had a short coil of bright red magician's rope in his hands. The soft kind, made of fiberglass. Benji took my wrists and pressed them together behind me. Stanley handed Benji the rope and Benji started to tie my wrists together clumsily. He wasn't very good at it, and just ended up tying a big loose knot. I actually felt better about that. I knew that I could get out of the rope within a minute or two if I needed to.

I glanced over at Drake. He was sitting in the chair watching us. When he saw me looking he winked, but he wasn't smiling. He didn't like them just as much as I didn't like them, maybe even more.

Benji sat behind me, holding me up for Stanley. He pinched my nipples hard, but not as hard as Stanley had done. He gnawed and sucked at the side of my neck as Stanley got down and started sucking on my cock. His mouth was warm and wet, but he was too hard, too fast. The suction kind of hurt, and his teeth scraped against the side of my cock, making me yelp with hurt. 

It was worse now, I was facing Drake, it was harder to look away, and I felt so exposed. I felt humiliated and afraid, and I was just grateful that my cock was still hard. I turned and kissed Benji just to distract me. He seemed surprised but aroused. I squirmed as Stanley sucked my cock and Benji ground his cock against my ass. His cock was bare, but his movements were just purposeless humping, he wasn't trying to fuck me. It still made me uneasy to have his bare cock against my bare ass.

Stanley was choking on my cock. It felt kind of good to break past the barrier in the back of his throat, the tight hot pressure of his throat felt sexy and tight. I started to move my hips, panting softly as I kissed Benji. I tried to focus on the pure physical pleasure, but that was hard, because my physical sensations included the way Benji was biting and abusing my neck and nipples. I was kissing him, and this was probably an accident, but for a second his lips were actually against mine with only a little pressure. The soft feel of his lips against mine made me think of Drake, and I felt Stanley choke slightly as I jerked my hips subconsciously.




Eyes Like Winona Ch. 03



Benji moved and let me fall back onto the bed. I winced as my bound arms were trapped underneath me at an uncomfortable angle. He straddled my chest, having lost his shorts at some point. His cock jutted out over my face and he stroked it for a few seconds, looking down at me in a way that made me feel very small. I leaned forward and lapped my tongue over his cock, pretending to be mesmerized but just wanting this miserable thing to be over.

Stanley clamped his hands on my sensitive inner thighs close to my groin, and pushed them apart. I felt his tongue on my ball sack... It was a very strange feeling and I wasn't used to it. I leaned forward and put my lips around Benji's cock, moaning as Stanley sucked one of my testes into his mouth. I was afraid, I knew how rough he had been with the rest of me. He sucked each one into his mouth and pulled them out with a pop. The suction hurt, but he was done after a moment.

I yelped when he started licking my ass. His tongue was hot and hard against my anus.

The sensation just felt so wrong. It felt gross, and dirty. For a second I had this horrible image in my head of a big slimy earthworm down there. I spasmed, and my knee knocked against the side of his head, making him withdraw and swear under his breath.

"What the fuck?" He growled. Drake was out of his chair in a second, I could barely see because Benji was close, and he was pounding his cock into my throat. But Benji paused and looked back, and I saw Drake standing there, confronting Stanley with his hand resting lightly on his own hip, over the bulge that I knew was his canister of mace.

"That was never part of the agreement. He's really new, and he panicked. Don't take it out on him. Watch where you're putting your tongue."

Stanley glared for a moment, but Benji grabbed my head and shoved his cock down my throat again. "C'mon Babe, don't be difficult."

I couldn't see him, but I felt him sucking hard on the inside of my thigh. My shoulders felt very sore, and tears were streaming down from my eyes, a combination of choking on Benji's cock and shame.

Then my mouth was full of bitter semen. I choked and spat it out as he kept moving in and out, the semen ran down my cheeks and chin and throat. I felt some of it dribble into my ear and my hair.

He crawled off of me and they were both moving me. Benji got behind me, his limp wet cock against my ass, holding me up by my shoulder and wrists. Stanley got in front of me. Drake was leaning forward on his chair, frowning. He mouthed. "Are you okay?" Silently.

I managed to nod once before Stanley grabbed my ears like handles and lined up his cock with my mouth. My vision was obscured by his tangled blonde pubic hair and red skin and the vein under his navel that pulsed visibly.

I opened my mouth, tasting Benji's bitter semen and feeling some of it drip down to the bed. He shoved into my mouth, and he was so big around that I had to curl my lips over my teeth so I wouldn't scrape him. He liked that he was so big that I could barely accommodate him.

"Take it." He growled as he shoved his way in, making me choke. I felt the tears streaming down my face, but I didn't make any noises. I didn't want Drake to worry. "Take it you little bitch."

I opened my mouth as wide as possible and drooled. I just wanted it to be over. Benji was playing with my cock, but it was limp now. My shoulders felt white-hot with pain.

He jerked his hips and swore. He took his cock out and came all over my face. I closed my eyes tight and felt it gumming my eyelashes and running into my hair. I swore to myself right then and there that I would never watch any porn again. At least not the end. This felt like the most humiliating and least sexy thing that had ever happened to me.

They pulled me upright. Benji sucked on the back of my neck and Stanley kissed me hard. He kissed me so hard that I cut my inner lip on the edge of my teeth.

"Thanks babe." Stanley murmured, licking his semen from his lips. "Here you go."

He tucked folded bills under my limp cock. They stayed there, held between my testes and cock. I leaned into him, tucking my head so he couldn't see my face. It was all part of the act. I had to pretend to like it.

They took their rope and put on their clothes. I sat on the bed, not removing the money or cleaning my face. I waited for them to leave. They gave Drake his money, but I wasn't looking. I just looked down at the blanket, waiting for the door to close. 

Drake got up as the door closed. I heard his soft footsteps move around, and I felt the bed depress. The next thing I knew, he was wiping my face with a damp paper towel. His other hand was cradling the back of my head.

"Jesus." He whispered, touching the back of my neck. "These hickeys are something else. You're gonna need some makeup... I can lend you some."

He put his fingers under my chin and tilted my head up. He was biting his full lower lip. "You weren't ready for this... I should have taken them instead. You shouldn't have had to deal with jerks like that."

He wiped my face with the paper towel, wiping away the semen and the tears. "I'm okay." I whispered hoarsely. "I... I just choked a little. And I got a little scared."

He sighed. "Sure Ryan. Put some clothes on and come to the sink. You got some in your hair."

I took the bills from under my penis and pulled on my boxers. He was right, I had deep red hickeys on my inner thighs and one on my stomach. I could feel the sore chewed feeling on the back of my neck and my shoulders and throat. I walked over to the sink and he was bending over it, running hot water and lathering his hands with soap.

"Come here." He murmured.

I put my hands on the corners of the sink and he put his hand on the back of my head. He pushed me down until my head was under the warm jet of water. "Too hot?" He asked. I shook my head. With my face down by the grimy porcelain, my breathing seemed loud and snuffly.

His hands were in my hair, wetting it down and lathering some of the cheap soap through it. The water felt good on my scalp. My legs were trembling, they just felt so weak.

I looked down at the water swirling in the drain. The drain was surrounded by crusty yellow rings from the hard water. A tiny spider slipped into one of the rusty holes, it's web followed. This sink didn't flow a lot. The water smelled metallic, and was slightly yellowed.

I was breathing normally when I ducked my head under, but as his gentle fingers kneaded my scalp, I started to sniff. I didn't full-out cry, but Drake felt me trembling, heard my snuffles.

He pulled me up out of the water and it dripped down my face and chest. I glimpsed myself in the mirror and I saw the red bruises on my chest and neck and shoulders. He grabbed a ratty towel and gently mussed my hair dry, holding my head between his hands and murmuring. "Shh..."

He nudged me until I was sitting down on the bed. "I'll text Ferd, tell him that you need to rest. Just lie down and close your eyes. I'll wake you up in a bit."

"K-Kay." I whispered, slowly sliding under the covers, fighting back the sobs. I was so tired. It had been such a long day.

I got under the sheet and the coverlet, but I was still cold. The temperature wasn't cold, but I felt cold.

He started to leave, but I blurted. "Don't go!" As the door started to close. I felt sick as soon as the words left my mouth. I felt so stupid. So juvenile. I turned away and curled up tight, cursing my stupidity, hoping that he just kept walking away. The tears were stinging behind the bridge of my nose.

The door shut, and I felt myself going limp. A single tired moan leaving me. I flinched with shock when I felt the bed depress. He hadn't left. He threw an extra blanket over me and sat on the edge of the bed. I felt his hand on my shoulder, through the covers.

"I'm right here Ryan." He whispered softly. "Just close your eyes. You need a rest."

I felt grateful, and I felt warmer, and I felt safe. All of the tension left my body, and I rested my head on the pillow. "Just a few minutes." I whispered hoarsely. "I just need to close my eyes."

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "You shouldn't have had to do that."

I nodded. "I don't want to do either of them again." My eyes felt so heavy.

He sighed, and squeezed my upper arm through the blankets. "And you don't have to. Ferdinand might even give you a bigger cut when he sees those bruises. Go to sleep Ryan... you need a break."

"Thanks Drake... For watching over me." I whispered, hugging the spare pillow to my chest and drifting off for good.

---

When I woke up, I still felt tired, and I had that disorienting sickening feeling of not knowing what time it was. Like when I was worried that I had slept through the alarm clock.

"Relax, it's been an hour." I relaxed when I heard Drake's voice.

"Isn't Ferdinand gonna get mad at you?" I whispered foggily.

He lay down next to me on top of the blankets. I could feel his side through the fabric. "He's giving you a break because you weren't ready for those monsters, and you've already made three hundred in one job. He's giving me a break because I'm his steadiest worker, and I make him the most. Don't worry your pretty little head about it."

He sighed. "We should probably get up though. Feeling better?"

I stretched and threw back the covers, shivering at the sudden rush of air. It was warm out, but I had gotten used to the dozy heat under the covers. It woke me up. "Yeah, a bit. I can work again as long as it's more standard stuff."

I pulled on my shorts and tank top. I winced at the bruises in the mirror. They were going to be impossible to hide.

Drake stretched and left without saying a word. I was a little stunned, it was so uncharacteristic of him. But before I could leave, he was back with a brown zip-up bag the size of a fanny pack.

"Sit back down." He commanded. I obediently sat on the edge of the bed, and he smiled a little when I gave him a half-assed salute. I watched his eyes as he dug around in the bag. They were looking down under the soft black hedge of his lashes.

He pulled out a little tube full of green paste. I gave him a look. "I'm not an alien you know." I murmured as he got some of the green stuff on a sponge wedge and started dabbing at my neck.

"Ha-Ha." He intoned. "The green gets rid of the redness, and then I mix a yellow toner with your skin color. I think there's some concealer in here that matches your skin okay; then I dab that on and you're as good as new."

The makeup was cold and it had the consistency of smooth watery clay. It felt soothing on the itchy red hickeys. He was so close to me so he could focus on the hickeys. I could feel his breath on my shoulder. I was very aware of it, but I didn't get an erection. It was too soon after that mess with Stanley and Benji to get an erection.

He dug two more tubes from the bag, one yellow and one tan. He mixed them together in the palm of his hand and dabbed them on with the sponge. "Take a look." He murmured, standing back to look at his handiwork.

I got up and looked in the dingy mirror. The hickeys were gone. When I got up close and really looked, I could see the different texture of the makeup, but it was indistinct at best.

"Thanks Drake." I whispered, putting my tank top and shorts back on.

He put his hand on my shoulder, careful to avoid the makeup. "No problem Ry, but we better get out there. We're not done yet."

I didn't want to keep working. I couldn't think of a single thing that I wanted to do less. But I followed him out and sat on the steps. He lit up a joint and I watched him out of the corner of my eye as the skunky tendrils of smoke filled the air.

---

It was three in the morning when I fumbled my key into my apartment door and closed it behind me with a sigh. I was going to visit Toby tomorrow, so that meant I would get three hours of sleep at most. I squinted in the light of the yellow lamp.

I nearly tripped over my half-sister, who was standing resolutely in front of me, accusation in her fiery dark eyes. She was squeezing her worn plush lion to her chest.

"Where WERE you Neil!" She whisper-shouted, glaring defiantly at me. I should have known something was up, the lamp was never lit this late.

"Wha? Keep it down." I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.

Tears pooled in her eyes, and her straight heavy brows deepened into a V. "They let Toby have a phone call to our house, we all reminded you to come!"

I remembered suddenly, and my stomach dropped out. "Shit." I whispered hollowly. I felt a little better knowing that I was going to visit him tomorrow, but none of the others knew that. They didn't really notice that I visited him.

She looked so tired. "Celia, why did you stay up so late? Don't you have school tomorrow? Where's Ben?"

She sat down on the couch with a huff and glared at me. "You don't pay any attention to us anymore. Tomorrow is a day off for me and Calvin because of conferences. Ben is over at Patricia's. I wanted to stay up so I could talk to you."

She sniffled and when she looked up the tears had spilled. "Where do you go all of the time? You're never here anymore, and sometimes when you come back you got bruises... And you're always so tired... Are you doing drugs?"

With that she burst out into silent tears, curled up on the couch. I sat next to her and scooped her into my arms to try and calm her down. "Shh... Celie-belie, it isn't drugs. Shh... You don't have to worry about what I do at night..."

She looked up at me. "Then why do you got bruises!" She pointed accusingly at my neck. I clapped my hand to my neck, and I realized that some of the makeup must have rubbed off. She wiped her eyes with the scant mane of her stuffed lion.

I had to think of something to calm her down, or she'd go into hysterics. "Celie-belie, I'll tell you what I do every night, but you have to promise not to tell anybody, okay?"

She stopped sobbing and looked up curiously. "Huh?"

My brain was ticking fast, and I blurted it out before thinking. I cursed myself after the words left my mouth. "I have a boyfriend."

Her mouth shaped into a little perfect 'o' of surprise and her eyes were as wide and glassy as marbles. Why hadn't I said girlfriend? My stomach felt so sick.

"S-So... So you're like Gandalf?"

I was so tired and worried and confused that it took me a second to realize that she was talking about the gay man who played Gandalf, and when I did, I laughed until tears ran down my cheeks.

"Are you?" She demanded, looking a little annoyed.

I finally calmed down and I nodded, wiping my eyes. "I'm gay. But you can't tell the others. Okay?"

She pouted. "Why not?"

I turned serious again. "Listen... I just want to be able to meet him and not have the others bother me. I'm not sure that they would be okay with it. Promise me not to tell?" 

I had just come out for the first time. It felt strange, but in a nice way. Celia wasn't a homophobe. She just thought that I was like Gandalf. I just felt worse because I was lying to her. I had to lie all of the time now.

She looked up at me, biting her lip. I started to feel a little sick. If they learned about the lie, they would be curious and find out what I was really doing. "Promise Celia!"

"Promise." She whispered with a sigh.

I relaxed slightly. I was so tired my eyes were starting to close.

"What does he look like?"

I jerked awake. I couldn't fall asleep on this couch anyway. "Huh?"

She was hugging her lion, curling her fingers in his threadbare mane. "Your boyfriend... Is he pretty, or handsome? Can boys be pretty? What does he look like?"

I sighed, thinking. What was I doing? "Well, he's a little taller then me. He's kind of skinny, he has thin shoulders and dark hair that hangs over his eyes."

"Emo hair?"

I shook my head. "No! Well, maybe... but it looks really good on him. Anyway, he has really pale skin and he likes to put baby powder on his skin, because he hates feeling sticky. His eyes..."

I had to think about that one. How could I describe his eyes to her?

"Hey, do you remember that movie we got at the garage sale? Edward Scissorhands?"

She nodded solemnly. I continued. "The girl from that movie, her name is Winona Ryder. She was in Beetlejuice, too. Do you remember what she looks like?"

Celia nodded. "She was beautiful."

"Yeah." I whispered. "Well, my boyfriend," The lie was hopeful and bitter on my tongue. "He has these big black eyes, and his eyes look like hers. Her eyes are brown, and his are black, but otherwise they are the same."

Celia got up and dug in the battered bookshelf where we kept our movies. She found a movie that we hadn't mentioned. Girl, Interrupted.

"Hey, this is her, too!" She exclaimed quietly. She studied the box art.

"If he has eyes like Winona, he must be beautiful."

I laughed slightly. "Winona? Are you on first-name basis with all of the movie stars now? And have you seen that? It's way too old for you..."

She put the movie back. "No, but Calvin saw it. He just skipped ahead to all of the nasty parts, with blood and crazy and sex. Is he beautiful? Your boyfriend?"

I got up and shuffled to the bathroom to brush my teeth. As I walked, I answered her. "Yeah. He is."

I felt like it was the first truthful thing I had said all night.

*

*Howdy again!

I have a question to ask.

Out of all of the finished stories that I have, which pair do you think needed an 'epilogue'?

Just curious.

Tam&Taylor

Aaron&Daniel

Simon&Anthony

Jared&Darryl

Ari&Cato

Kip&Taylor&Radon

Jonah&Thad

Adriel&Christopher

Ahote&Matteo

or,

Haagan&Ari

Choose wisely ;-) 



Eyes Like Winona Ch. 04



*And here is chapter four!

I just want to quickly announce that my nude day submission will be out in just a few short weeks, so keep your eyes peeled for 'The Goats'.

As for the question in the last chapter, I am half finished with my new story, 'File 66: The Aftermath'

Stay tuned ^_^

All characters are 18+*




I felt dead on my feet by the time I got to the county jail.  I groaned and sat down on one of the hard waiting chairs just in time to have a guard tell me that I could go into the visiting room.

I had stopped at a CVS on the way to the jail, and picked up green and yellow toner, and a cover-up that matched my skin.  After several botched attempts in the bathroom of the CVS, I managed to cover up the hickeys okay.  It didn't look as professional as the job Drake had done, but it would have to do.

I sat at one of the metal chairs in the visiting room, and the Toby bounded in, grinning.  He had cut his curly brown hair close to his scalp, and shaved off his beard.  He looked so different, so professional.  I hugged him tight, and I felt something in my chest loosen up.  "Hey Toby, how are you?"

"Ugh, surviving.  Just one week left, can you believe it?"  He flopped down into his chair.  I started to apologize about missing his phone call, but he waved it away.

"Ben tells me that you hang out with some friends from your work a lot, and that's great.  You work too hard, kiddo.  Besides, you were gonna come and see me today!"

I relaxed and dug in my bag.  I hadn't managed to get offerings from everyone, but I had gotten some things.  He waited on the edge of his seat, trying to peer into my backpack.

"Well, remember that genocide class you took in college?  You'd never shut up about it.  I saw this book in the thrift store and I thought you'd like it.  It's about the holocaust, and it's narrated by Death."

I handed him a slightly battered copy of 'The Book Thief'.  He flipped through the cover and grunted.  "This sucker won ten awards, I hope it's better than that space-pirate garbage you gave me last time."

He was teasing.  He knew I loved sci-fi novels, and I had gotten him a couple of obscure sci-fi titles from the seventies last week.  I grinned.  "If you keep criticizing me, I'll keep the next one for myself!"

He gave me puppy-dog eyes and I laughed.  This just felt so normal...  It felt sane.  I loved being with Toby, and I couldn't wait until he got out.

"Well, this next book has certainly not won any awards."  I gingerly pulled out the next novel.  It had a suspicious stain on the cover, and the title was 'School of Cock'   It had a picture of three scantily clad women (who didn't look like they had been in high school for a very long time) in tiny skirts hanging on a man wearing a tie and holding a coffee mug.

Toby snatched for it.  He smiled, embarrassed and grateful.  "Thanks a lot bro...  I'm kinda dying for the woman's touch right now.  This will do for now, but I can't wait until I get out."  He touched his cheek with a grin.  "Chicks dig the scar, right?"

I rolled my eyes.  I felt bad just thinking about his scar, but I didn't show it.  "I wouldn't know.  How about you focus on getting a job so we can pay the bills, then you can chase poontang."

He howled with laughter.  Still laughing he asked me.  "Ooh!  Was it a man or a woman at the counter where you bought that book? How did they react?"

I giggled.  "A woman, she was old enough to be our grandma!"

It took us a while to recover from laughing.  I had to wipe a tear from my eye.  I dug in the bag and got him some peach ring gummy candy, which he craved.  "Sorry, that's it.  But if you want to buy something from the prison store I can spot you a twenty.""

He stopped laughing and his face looked very serious.  "I only have a week left, shouldn't that go to Rosa or something?"

I felt very caught.  He didn't look suspicious exactly, but he certainly looked thoughtful.  Toby was a lot better at keeping track of money then Ben was.  He would certainly notice that Mom's old hospital bills were all but paid off.  He would notice that both Calvin and Celia and Lisse had new clothes, new shoes.  He would notice that we had food in the cupboards, and that the utilities were paid on time.  I started to feel this faint wormy feeling of anxiety in the pit of my stomach.  If I was lucky, he wouldn't notice for a while, but he would find out eventually.  I needed to find an alibi.

I decided then and there that I had to quit.  I would still have to work for three more weeks according to Ferdinand's rules, but I couldn't keep bringing in a weeks worth of pay every night.

I shrugged.  "Sorry... I just thought you would want to celebrate."

Then he was smiling again and I felt better, even though that wormy anxiety stayed at the pit of my stomach, muted.  "I'll celebrate when I get out.  Things in here are so expensive...  They got this little cart that they wheel around to the cells, and did you know that the fuck that pushes the cart charges three fucking dollars for a hershey bar?  Highway robbery!"

"Do you think he's skimming?"  I asked.

He shrugged.  "Everybody skims.  The fucker pushing the cart skims, the guards skim, even the suppliers skim.  They know that we don't have a lot, but we'll do whatever to have something that doesn't remind us of here."

The smile was slowly disappearing from his face, and I could sense the deep depression and loathing behind his happy face that he had put on for me.

"I gotta get out of here.  I'm glad that I only got three years, because if it had been any more, I would have gone crazy or bad.  I studied US prisons back when I was still a student.  A lot of people who get in for little things become repeat offenders, and now I can see why.  Everybody is so fucking corrupt.  I'm not just talking about the skimming or the drugs."

I bit my lip.  I didn't like to see him like this.  He was holding his head in his hands on the steel table.  I reached out and touched his arm, surprised at how muscular it was.  He had always been tall, but before prison he had been bookish and slim.  Now he had a powerful build.  "Toby?"

He acted like I hadn't said anything.  "You know how everybody jokes about prison rape?  'Don't drop the soap', and shit like that?  It's a dozen times worse then anyone knows.  It seems like everyone in here turns into a faggot as soon as the lights go out."

I felt sick.  Worse than that, I felt ashamed.  "I was studying psychology, I know that it's not about sex, it's about power, but for some of them it becomes about sex.  They'd rather fuck guys then wait a few years to have real sex.  These perverts across from me make me sick.  They've only been here for a few months each, not enough to go stir, but they fuck each other every night.  They like it, too.  The perverts like it!"

He was talking in this low raspy voice, and then he gagged.  His arms were clenched up into tight round bulges of muscle.  It made him physically sick to think about his cell mates having consensual sex.  I took my hand off of his arm.  He was so angry.

"Toby?"  I whispered, in a small voice.

He took a few deep breaths, and smiled at me, but the smile didn't touch his eyes.  The smile went away, but he wasn't clenched up anymore.  He was just angry and ashamed at how angry he had gotten.

"I'm sorry.  I haven't told you or Ben, 'cuz I didn't want you to worry, or think that... Or think that I was That way."  That way.  He couldn't even say it.  "It's hard sometimes.  I feel like you're the only person that I can talk to, and I can only see you once every two weeks if I have good behavior."

I forced myself to smile.  "Well, you're going to be out in a week, and then you can talk to me when I'm off work."

The intercomm buzzed.  "Five minutes."  The guard said.

He ran his fingers through his new short hair.  "Do I look presentable?  It's going to be a lot harder to find a job with this on my record."

I shrugged.  "Try tending bar back with Mr. Reynolds.  He had you hired then, and he knows the family, he knows us.  He'll understand.  You...  You can tell Mr. Reynolds why you had to kill him... If you need to."

He reached across and held my wrist.  "Listen Neil.  I'm never going to tell anyone why I had to kill that bastard if I don't have to.  It's just going to make your life harder if people know.  People talk shit without worrying about who they hurt."

I wiped my eyes.  "I made you tell the police.  You didn't even want to tell them, but if you hadn't told them you would have gone to Federal prison, and for a lot longer then three years.  Trust me, I can swallow my pride if it gets you a job.  Don't try to protect me when you're just hurting yourself."

He sighed.  "You're a lot braver than I am, Neil."

The guard was tapping on the window, pointing at the opposite door.  He wanted Toby to leave.

We got up and he hugged me tight.  "I know that Ben knows, but did you ever tell the little guys?"

I shook my head.  "Calvin and Celia were only eight back then, and he was their father.  I couldn't tell them.  Lisse wasn't even born."

The guard tapped louder and Toby flipped him the bird.  He let go and gave me a halfhearted grin.  I just felt emotionally drained.

"Seeya in a week."  He murmured.  He grabbed his candy, his book, and his sexbook.  Then he walked back into prison.

---

"Your brother is coming back next week, right?"

I looked back at Mr. Browning as I tossed a twist of tissue into the waste bin.  He didn't usually talk much after our 'arrangement'.

"Yeah, he is."  I murmured, walking into the front of the store and taking off the sign on the door.

He got behind the register.  "Well, I have a friend who owns a roofing company.  He needs laborers, and...  And he doesn't have any qualms about hiring felons.  I told him about your situation,"  He saw the look in my eyes and he shook his head.  "Not that, not that...  Just that you folks could use another working man."

I relaxed slightly.  Mr. Browning had always meant well.  If I didn't have to suck his cock every day, he might have been my friend.  "He says that he's willing to give your brother a trial.  A week without pay, but if he's a good trustworthy worker, then my friend will hire him full-time."

My heart lifted in my chest.  I felt lightheaded.  Mr. Browning was still talking, but I barely heard him.

"It's hard work, but the pay is good, and--"  I hugged him tight and cut him off.

"Thanks Mr. Browning!"  I  nearly shouted.  I quickly released him before anyone saw, but he had a smile on his face.

---

When I got home, it was a relief to see that everyone was getting along.  They had already eaten, and I ate the rest of the fish sticks and oven-fries as everyone got ready to go out.  Everyone could fit in Ben's old Rabbit if we squeezed, and we were going to visit my parents.

I sat in the passenger seat and it was a nice feeling to just sit and see the city just go by, instead of having to walk.  The last time I had been in a car had been the last time we visited my parents.

I was jolted by the thought that I had been in a car since then.  Ferdinand's car.

We reached the graveyard, and the Rabbit didn't die on us.  Celia had some flowers that Rosa had given her.  Rosa had a garden box, and she cut flowers for us sometimes.  The marigolds were wilted, but I was just happy that we had flowers.  And Mom had loved yellow flowers, especially daffodils.

I liked it here.  The graveyard was right in the center of the city, but it was large enough so that all of the sounds seemed farther away.  It was very green, and full of trees and stones and wilting flowers.  It was like a peaceful little bubble in the center of the city.

We walked to the double-gravestone that Mom and Dad shared.  It was very simple, it just had their names.

Calvin and Celia went forward and put the flowers on the grave, right in the center.  I was grateful, we had gone through some trouble (and lots of fighting) in the past when they would try to put flowers only on my mother's grave.  They both saved a few.

My throat felt very tight.  "Ben?"  I whispered.  We were outside, but this was just a whispering kind of place.  "Can you take them over to his grave?"

Ben put his hand on my shoulder.  "Sure Neil."  He said quietly.  He lead the kids away, and I stayed at my parents' grave, holding Lisse's hand as she played with a flower that Calvin had given her.

"I miss you Mom."  I whispered.  "I love you."  I touched the granite headstone, and it was warm from the sun.  I dusted off some of the leaves that had fallen on it from the trees.  The trees were yellowish, more discolored towards the top, green towards the bottom.   "I miss you too, Dad.  I've just had a longer time to cope with you.  I hope they have cigars wherever you are."

Lisse accidentally pulled the head off of her flower, and she started to cry.  I sat down on the soft grass and scooped her into my lap.

On the other side of the graveyard, I could see Calvin and Celia kneeling down by another grave, with Ben standing several yards away.

I shivered.  It was bad enough that my stepfather had a stone in the same place as my real mother and father.  I wasn't going to get anywhere near it.

---

When we got back, it was almost seven.  I would have to leave in a few minutes.  I was in the bedroom digging around for some of my skimpier clothes.  I had gotten more and more paranoid about Ben or one of the others finding out what I did, so I always just put some of my clothes in a bag and changed when I got there.

I was digging around when I heard a soft knock on my door.  I jumped, startled.  I stuffed the skimpy undershirt and the shorts into the plastic bag and called.  "Come in."

Calvin walked in.  He had finally shaved off his stupid mohawk and his hair was an all-around crewcut.  He looked subdued.

"Why do you and Ben hate my dad?"

There it was, raw and exposed.  Hanging in the room like a stench.  It was the question that Calvin and Celia had never dared ask.

"I have to go in a bit, I'm going to help Mr. Browning load some groceries."

It was a weak avoidance tactic.  Calvin just upped the ante.

"Why did Toby kill him?"

I really didn't want to be here.  But Calvin was twelve, and it didn't matter who his father was, he was still my brother.  And he deserved to have an idea of what had happened.

I sat down on the bed, fiddling with the straps on the bag.

"Mom married your dad about a year after my dad died."  I said quietly.  They had known each other before, and I think they were friends even when my dad was alive.  Toby never liked him much because he thought that your dad and my mother had cheated on my father."

Calvin sat on the bed next to me.  "Do you think they cheated on your dad?"

I shrugged.  "I'm not sure.  I was five when my dad died.  Ben was eight, and Toby was thirteen.  But the point is, that Toby never liked him much."

Calvin's hands curled into fists.  "That's why he killed my dad?  He didn't like him?"  His voice was filled with a tired and weepy anger.

I shook my head.  "No."

"Mom had cancer treatments on and off since I was ten, but for a while when I was fourteen and you were eight, she had to go to the hospital and stay there for a long time."  I closed my eyes.  My voice felt choked.

"Your dad...  He hurt me sometimes." No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't tell Calvin the full truth.  "And one time, Toby saw him hurting me, and Toby found my father's old gun, and shot him."

I didn't wait for Calvin to answer.  I got up and left as fast as I could.

I hated dredging up old memories.

---

No one was at the steps when I got there, but it was a little early, so that wasn't unusual.  Ferdinand was in his normal spot, hiding within a cloud of flavored smoke inside his car.  I walked up to the car and the window slid down.  Today the flavor was orange.

He handed me my key--room three today--and looked up at me when I lingered.  "What is it?"

I took a deep breath.  "I want to quit.  I'll work the three weeks, but I want to leave."

I expected him to say more, or spout death threats.  I was still more than a little afraid of the strange man.  But he did nothing of the sort.  He shrugged and opened a little notebook.

"That means that you're done with me on October the nineteenth, a Saturday, three weeks from now.  Come every night until then."

He started to close the window, but I curled my fingers onto the rim and he stopped.  "Yes?"  He asked.

My cheeks were flushed, and I felt very afraid to ask it, but I did anyway.

"Um...  My brother is getting out of jail on the fifth...  Can I please take that night off?"

He raised his eyebrow, licked his thumb and thumbed open the calendar again.  "That means you don't get off until the twentieth of October, a Sunday."

I thanked him and walked back to the steps.  I always felt afraid when I had to talk to him.

I had changed inside a gas station, and I shivered a little.  It was the penultimate day of September, and the fall chill was finally starting to sink in.  It was a faint chill, but when I was dressed in a flimsy white strap-undershirt and jeans cutoffs, I could feel it.

I sat on the third step and sighed, waiting.  It was darker earlier, and I winced when the streetlight came on.

"Hey, you okay?"

Drake came out of nowhere.  He sat on the step above mine, resting his long lanky legs on either side of me.  He rested his forearms on my shoulders and leaned to my left so he could look at me.  His hair was jelled into spikes today, and seeing his face clear was a bonus.

I just groaned theatrically and he started to massage my shoulders.  It felt heavenly as he worked the tension out.  I could see Kirk and Jose walking towards us, Kirk a few yards behind Jose.

"I asked Ferdinand if I could quit."  I murmured.

Drake stopped for a moment, and then continued the gentle kneading of my taut muscles.  "Oh."  He seemed truly at a loss for words, and I arched my head backwards so I could see him, albeit upside-down.

When he saw me looking up he smiled.  "Well, I'm glad you had a plan.  I'm not going to be done with mine for a while yet."  He sounded sad, but then Kirk and Jose came and he shut up about it.  I wished that Kirk and Jose hadn't come.  I just had the feeling that Drake was going to tell me something.

A car came up, and it was one of my regulars.  I got up and Drake patted me on the back as I left him.

I leaned through the open car window.  "Hey.  Looking to experiment?"

He shook his head.  He was an older man with a weary lined face and black hair that was almost certainly dyed.  "Which room are we in tonight, Ryan?"

"Five, seeya there."

He went off to park and I walked up the steps.  Drake gave me a little wave as I went past him.

"Seeya in a bit."  I murmured, wondering what he had been about to tell me.

---

One thing to say about repetition, it made it a lot easier to do things that I would have cringed at a few weeks ago.  I was on my knees on the worn carpet, my head between another man's legs and his hands in my hair.  My mind was peacefully and thoughtlessly blank as I moved my head up and down.  My jaw was a little sore, but I didn't really have a thought going through my head.

My customer groaned and moved his hips slightly, shoving his thick cock against the seal at the back of my throat.  He broke past it and I struggled not to gag.

"That boy... The tall one with the dark hair...  His he your boyfriend?"

I was so jolted by the panted question that I choked and I had to withdraw and cough.  I felt my cheeks flush.

"Sorry."  I muttered, getting back to work.

He groaned and tightened his fingers in my hair, pulling at the roots, panting.




Eyes Like Winona Ch. 04



I choked slightly when he started to come.  I hated it when they came in my mouth, but I had to bear it.  I waited until he released my hair and then I got up to rinse my mouth out in the sink and bring him a washcloth.

He wiped his genitals and zipped up.  "Sorry for assuming."  He said quietly.  He got up and straightened his clothes.  I opened the door for him and he handed me my money.  The money was folded, but the folds were rounded and it tried to spring open in my hand.  These bills had been extracted from a machine, sometime today most likely.  The bills were usually like this.  Occasionally they were crumpled or creased, but nine times out of ten they would be stiff and fresh like this.  Whore money.

He was still talking.  "It's just, I saw the two of you on the steps, and you looked intimate."

He said nothing else, cutting off awkwardly and walking in a fast stiff lope out of the building.  Very few of my customers were less than awkward.

I walked outside and stretched, popping a spearmint tic-tac into my mouth as I did.  Drake was gone, he was always so busy.  They were all gone.  I sat by myself on the concrete stairs and rested my eyes.

Why did Drake touch me?  It always felt so nice, so natural, but he didn't touch anyone else.  He didn't put his arm around Kirk, or help Jose to cover up hickeys.

I told myself not to get hopeful.  I told myself that he was just being friendly, helping me out because I was the new guy.  I didn't want to get my hopes up when I wouldn't see him again after three weeks.

I felt like someone had punched me in the gut.  I probably wouldn't see him again in three weeks.  My heart hurt, like a physical ache.

I tried to tell myself that it was just infatuation, a crush.  I had had them before.  On my biology teacher in junior year before I dropped out, on the one construction worker that always came into Mr. Browning's store for a coffee and a kraut dog at about three in the afternoon, and now on Drake.

I was horrible at lying to myself.  It had to be more than infatuation.  Maybe it was because he was so nice, maybe it was because I knew he was gay, or maybe it was because we knew each other in such a sexual setting, but I knew that what I felt towards Drake was much more than a simple crush.

I propped my feet up to the next-highest step and hugged my legs.  Out of nowhere, I wondered if I would ever be able to have normal sex.  Sex with a boyfriend, in a nice bed that didn't stink of damp and sweat.  Would I even know how to do it?

I jumped as someone tapped my shoulder.

"No sleeping on the job, Ryan."  Drake murmured, collapsing next to me with a sigh.

"Hey."  I murmured, resting my chin on my crossed arms.  I felt caught-out since I had just been thinking about him.  I wished that he would call me Neil.  I wanted to hear my real name on his tongue, at least once.

"So how are things?"

I shrugged.  "My brother is getting out in a few days."

"Cool.  Is that why you're leaving?"

I nodded.  "He'll be able to get a job and help out.  And...  And I don't want him to know what I'm doing."

"Hm.  Are you gay?"

I glanced at him, confused.  Wasn't it obvious?  He laughed at the expression on my face, grinning from ear to ear.  His grin made his eyes crinkle up slightly at the edges.

"Well then, I guess that look means yes!"  He chuckled some more and pushed me lightly.  The frown left my face and I started to smile reluctantly.  "It's hard to tell sometimes.  Believe it or not, Kirk is straight.  He never takes blowjobs because this stuff doesn't turn him on.  He's comfortable being naked around guys, but he just does this for the money.  He has a girlfriend, believe it or not."

Now I was curious.  I tried to think of an equivalent scenario for me.  I thought about having sex with women for money, and I shivered.  I just wouldn't know what to do.  "What about Jose?"  I asked.

"Bi, I think.  He had a girlfriend a while ago but she left him when she found out about this.  He doesn't talk much about his personal life."

I felt my breath catch in my throat as I asked.  "What about you?"

He turned his head and looked right at me.  I felt frozen making eye contact with him.  Him and his beautiful dark eyes.  I couldn't believe that he was straight.  The thought of him with a woman just seemed unfair.

He smiled a little.  "First time I saw a grown man naked was when I was six years old.  I knew I was gay from then on."

I felt something inside me melt a little bit, and a car broke my concentration.  Drake grinned and got up, using my shoulder as a support.

I was left sitting on the concrete step and wondering if something had just passed between us.

---

The night ended as it always did.

At about 3 AM, Ferdinand drove up slowly to the curb and told us that it was time to go home, and drove off.  Jose and Drake still had customers, so I waited for them to come out.

Kirk just waved and walked off.  I watched him walk away and I had to tell myself that he was straight.  The information just didn't rest easy in my skull, it was so incongruous.

Drake walked out  onto the steps and looked down the street as his client hustled away.  "Night's done?  Why are you still here?"

That was a good question.

"Just wanted to say goodnight."  I said softly.  That wasn't the truth!  I forced myself to speak up.

"Um... and... I was wondering if..."  I took a deep frustrated breath.  I didn't want this to sound wrong or weird, but I couldn't even get the words out of my mouth.

"I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime."  There it was.  It sounded a little juvenile, but at least it didn't sound too clingy.  I hoped.

He looked like he was lost for words.  "Well...  I have class tomorrow, and then I have a shift at McDonalds..."

I started to stumble over myself.  "Well you don't have to..."  I was slinking away.  "I guess I'll see you tomorrow, g'night."

"Wait!"

I quit my guilty sneaking away and he walked down the sidewalk to me.  He smiled and put his hand on my shoulder.

"We don't start work here until eight.  Maybe you could come down at six this Thursday?"

A grin split my face wide open.  "Sure!  That would be fun."  It took a real effort to downplay how excited I really was.

Drake gave me a brief hug, and I flinched away, jumping a foot in the air as a glass bottle exploded at our feet.  Drake swore.

From a window four stories above our heads, a drunken voice slurred.  "Fuck off, Faggots!"

I shrank, Drake flipped his middle finger, and then reached out to grab the back of my head.  I gasped with surprise as he pulled me in and pressed his lips hard against my lips.  It was so sudden, so hot and close.

"Fuck you, too, Sweetheart!"  Drake bellowed, turning around and promptly dropping his pants to moon the bottle-thrower.

The drunk was incensed, slurring at the top of his lungs, but Drake just laughed.  He was so brave.  My lips burned.

"G'night, Ryan.  Be safe."

"Night." I whispered, turning to walk away, and replaying those few seconds over and over again in my mind.

---

Everyone was preparing for Toby's return, mostly in small ways.

I dragged the army cot out of the closet and furnished it with a foam pad and coverlets.  It was a two-bedroom apartment, and privacy was always a joke, but I thought that he would prefer to sleep alone.  And hey, if he wanted the bed, I could always sleep on the cot.

Ben reorganized all of his things.  He was borderline compulsive when it came to things being tidy, but the line was drawn at his things.  He rarely cleaned the house unless something was in his way.  He would wash dishes, but only if nothing was clean, and only the dishes he needed.  It was a very frustrating habit of his.  He was getting a little better.  I gave everybody chores that they needed to do, and for once, everyone was listening to me.

Ben and I had always had a little bit of an authority problem.  He was three years older than me, and all day he was with other college students.  Most of them were entitled fucks that had their parents paying their way through.  Ben was in college on a scholarship that completely covered his living costs and textbooks.  It was just the tuition that we were desperately behind on paying.

Calvin and Celia were behaving for once, but I was worried about both of them.  Ever since I had told Calvin the abbreviated version of events, he was quiet and seclusive.  He did his chores, but he didn't spend time with the family, and was moody and silent.  He didn't even have much of an appetite.  If he had been acting up, I would have dealt with him, but this silence was worrying, and there was nothing I could do about it.  I couldn't just tell Calvin to stop being polite and productive.

Celia was quiet too, but with her, I could tell she was nervous.  She tended to snap at people more.  If Calvin wasn't being so unresponsive, they would have been bickering constantly.  She was acting up, for the first time in ages, when normally she was so sweet.

She hadn't said a word to anyone.  When I tentatively brought it up, she just glared at me and spat.

"I didn't tell anyone Neil!  Just leave me alone!"

Ben was irate as well.  All of the tension just made me more anxious then ever, and I started getting bad stress headaches.  It was getting to the point where the calmest hours of my day were during my factory job.  The mindless labor of lifting the heavy sacks of minerals was soothing.  There was no room to think.  No need to think.

The only member of my family that wasn't giving me stress was Lisse.  Sweet little Lisse.  Those had been the hard times.  Mom had died when Lisse was less than a year old.  We had fought so hard to keep custody, to prove that this was a safe steady home.  To keep our family from being torn apart.

On top of everything else, there was lack of sleep.  On the average night, I got around five hours.  Sometimes less.  I found myself dozing at dinner, at the steps with Drake and the others, at my convenience store job.  It definitely contributed to the headaches, and the stress.

That week, the only thing that kept me going, (other than Toby's release) was knowing that in three days I would be able to hang out with Drake.  It was still a stressful thought, because I just couldn't sort out how I felt towards him.  But just because it was stressful, didn't mean I wasn't looking forward to it.

---

Ben stopped me on the way out.

He frowned.  "This is early... Aren't you going to stay for dinner?"

I glanced at the old clock on the wall and felt like gnashing my teeth.  I was going to be late.  Drake wanted to hang out at six, and it was already five fifty.

"I had something to eat."  I tried to move past him but he was firmly in the way.  I yawned.  "Move."

He was looking at me intensely, and I started to feel worried.  Had Celia told him?  Had he finally caught on to our money situation?

"You should eat dinner with us, take a night off from your friends.  You're exhausted."

"No I'm not!"  I fought to stifle another yawn.

He rolled his eyes.  "Yeah, you are."   But he moved aside anyway.  "You should take a nap if you can, you're not getting nearly enough sleep."

Part of me was touched that he noticed.  The rest of me was worried.  Toby was getting out in three days, and he was a lot sharper than Ben.  Ben was the smartest guy in the family for sure, but Toby was sharper.  Toby would notice the money.  Soon, if not right away.

I slipped into the hallway and started the long jolting journey down to the ground floor.  I hustled, because I wanted to get there somewhat on time.

---

Huffing and out of breath, I reached the corner at about ten after six.  It seemed strange to be here when the sun was still up, and when the traffic was still thick.  It wasn't a very good neighborhood, and for the first time I noticed how well Ferdinand cleared away the crowds at night.

This area was full of people.  Men and women walking home from their jobs, restless young men with hand-me-down clothes and expensive shoes.  Bums and loiterers.  I saw a huddle of five men, and I saw small packets of powder exchange from hand to hand.  I shrank slightly, and was very glad that I was wearing my street clothes, and not my whore clothes.

There was an overweight black woman curled in a sleeping bag on the steps up to Drake's apartment.  It felt so strange to be on the corner without them all.  I buzzed room one, gingerly stepping around the woman's frizzy grey hair.

"Drake?  I'm here."

Drake ran to the door from the inside and opened it up.  "Come in."

I was surprised to see him.  Every time I had seen him before, his long white legs and arms had been bare.  He had been dressed to attract.  Now he was wearing baggy jeans and a band T-shirt and a baggy sweatshirt on top of that.  The clothes made him look bigger than he really was.

I followed him and it was the first time I had been in his apartment.  Ferdinand rented the odd numbered apartments 1 through nine, and for a small fee, Drake actually lived in the first apartment.  We avoided it out of courtesy, and we took our customers into the empty rooms.

His room was furnished.  He had a softer coverlet, and several band posters decorated the walls.  I saw a battered acoustic guitar in the corner, and he had a few extra pieces of furniture.  An end table, two chairs, and a very old armchair.  He had a clunky old computer monitor on the end table, and a blue phone.  The phone was one of those old ones, with the long curled cord and the dial pad on the base.

I kicked off my flip flops, and my feet sank into a soft shag rug that he had rolled over the worn tan carpet.  He had turned this dingy miserable little room into something resembling home.  It was very neat, and he had covered up the old smell with what looked like a tiny forest of car air-fresheners hanging from the ceiling, the lamps, the bed-board, and the walls.

"Wow... It's really nice in here."

He chuckled.  "Well, here's the dime tour."  He moved his right arm in a sweeping gesture, and let it drop.  We both laughed.

He flopped down on the bed.  "Well, it's home.  And for now, I don't have to entertain in here.  I did for a while when we had five."

I sat on the bed, bouncing lightly.  I saw a familiar stack on the end table.

"College books?  Whatcha studying?  I mean, you said Nursing, second year, but what classes?"

He tossed the stack over to me, and I caught them with a grunt.  They were very solid and heavy.  I saw Human Anatomy, a book called 'Ethical Theory' that sounded as interesting as dust, a book called 'Chemistry of Life Processes' and a geography book.

"Everything there is either necessary or a gen ed.  We got to cut open a cat today in Anatomy."

"Aw, I love cats."

He sat next to me, so close that we were touching at the hip.  He took his book from me and flipped through it mindlessly.  "The human body is an incredible thing.  It's more complex, more beautiful, more intelligent than anything man could hope to create."

I was a little in awe of him.  I felt so shy suddenly.  "Do you want to be a doctor?"

He closed his book.  "Yup, a surgeon.  But, the tooth fairy didn't get me five hundred thousand dollars for my baby teeth, so I'm here, selling my ass for a nursing degree."

I was shocked into giggling, and I yawned.

"I know, getting sleep can be a bitch.  I'm just glad I get to sleep in, tomorrow."

I shook my head sleepily and rested on his shoulder.  It felt natural, and he didn't shrug away or flinch.  "I never get to sleep in."  I whispered.  "Got a factory job at eleven, and I gotta walk there.  Toby'll be out soon, and he can get a job.  That's why I'm leaving."

Drake sighed.  "I need to save up for college.  As soon as I quit, I'll have to pay for my own apartment, and college, and everything else.  I don't think I could handle it yet."

He sighed moodily.   I wanted to cheer him up.

I pointed to the guitar.  "Want to give me a show?"

He looked at me, and I realized with a small pang how close we were.  Kissing distance, as my mom used to say.  Only now, that expression was even more appropriate.  I could feel his breath on my chin.

He grinned and bounced up.  His lean body was alive with energy, like a wire.   The moment was over, and I couldn't tell if I was disappointed or relieved.

He picked up his guitar and started playing chords that seemed familiar.  I let out a surprised and delighted burst of clapping when he started singing 'Walk all over you' by AC/DC.  It was an acoustic version, but his impression of Bon Scott was perfect.

I started singing with him.  First soft, because I wasn't very confident and I didn't want to ruin his impression, but he nodded at me, encouraging me without missing a note.

---

The next time I checked the clock, it was seven twenty.  We had spent over an hour putzing around and singing.  My voice was tired, and he said his fingers were getting sore.

He set his guitar gently, almost reverently, into the small upright stand in the corner.  "Do you wanna go get something to eat?"

I heaved to my feet.  "Well, sure.  But you're buying."  I wasn't serious, and he knew it.  He laughed and pushed me lightly.

It was empty outside.  A chill cut through my windbreaker and into my skin.  It was a wet cold.  It wasn't raining or misty, but the air was damp, and the wind was sharp.

It was quieter now, and I found my hands creeping to the bulge in my front pocket, the little canister of pepper spray.  It was almost like a totem now, touching it made me feel safer.

We stepped into a Wendy's that was open for the night and sat down at a booth.  I suddenly felt shy again.  Was this a date?  I honestly had no idea, and I was afraid to ask.

"I had a great time."  I murmured, dipping two fries with ketchup and popping them into my mouth.

He nodded and flicked his head to the side to move the hair out of his eyes.  He looked at me with his incredibly dark eyes.  "We should do this again.  You sing really well."

Now I felt embarrassed.  "No... You sing way better."

He shrugged me off.  "I can do AC/DC, Guns and Roses, Avenged Sevenfold, bands where the singers have growly voices.  You have a really sweet voice, and you have an ear for harmony.  Voices can be improved, but you either have an ear or you don't, and you have it."

I grinned, melting a little.  Everybody loves flattery, and I was no exception.  "You play really well, were you ever in a band?"

He rolled his eyes.  "Incredibly briefly.  We called ourselves 'Infamy', we practiced in the high school gym on weekends, and we quit when I was seventeen.  We mostly did bad covers for eighties hair bands.  My mom taught me how to play guitar when I was twelve."

"Sweet."  I murmured, sipping from the large coke that we had bought to share.  "My mom taught me how to sing.  I joined the school choir for a bit, but then I had to drop out after junior year when she died."

I realized how dark the conversation had turned, so I tried to lighten the mood by shrugging and taking another bite, feeling stupid.

Drake sighed.  "It's tough.  I never knew my dad, and it was really tough when my mom died."

I looked up at him, surprised.  "You, too?"  I asked softly.  He nodded, shrugging.  

"I don't really like to talk about it, but I know about you, so I figured you should know.  She died in the hospital when I was seventeen, but I was on my own a year before that."  He looked down at his hands, speaking in a very soft monotone.  "She had AID's."

He looked up and he had a little smile on his face that nearly broke my heart.  "I don't have it, she got it way after I was born, from one of her boyfriends.  We couldn't really afford any medicine or treatment, so it ate her up pretty quickly.  I ran away when she was taken to the hospital because I didn't want to become a foster kid."




Eyes Like Winona Ch. 04



I didn't know what to say, but he was still talking.

"I'm twenty, now.  I've been doing this ever since I was sixteen.  I was on my own for three years before I got the job from Ferdinand.  I know what it's like without him, and no matter how tempting it is, I want you to promise me something."

"Yeah?"  I whispered.

He sighed, and looked up at me, smiling.  The smile didn't reach his eyes.  "Promise me that you'll never work alone.  I would love it if you never worked again.  But sometimes, times get hard.  I went through more than anyone should ever have to take when I worked alone, and I just want you to stay safe, okay?"

I wanted to reach out and touch his hand.  His hand was resting on the table, and I wanted to comfort him.  I lifted my hand, but I ended up just resting it on the booth table.  I didn't have the courage.

"I hate this."  I whispered, looking down at the small distance between our hands.  Mine was curled into a sweaty half-fist; his was elongated, the long white fingers splayed.  "I never want to work this job again, and if it wasn't for my brother breaking his arm, I never would have."

I did it.  I moved my hand so it was resting on top of his.  His skin was cool and dry; l could feel the talcum powder.  "I promise I wont do this again.  Not alone, not here, not anywhere."

I expected him to toss off my hand.  But he just flipped his hand and grasped mine.  His cool dry fingers were such a contrast to my trembling sweaty hand.  "Thanks."  He said quietly.  "That means a lot, and it makes me feel a lot better."

I couldn't hold it in any longer, if I did, I would explode.

"Drake?"

He glanced up and we made eye contact.  My chest ached with love and indecision.

"I...  I really like you."

I was looking right into his eyes, so I saw when they went cold.  I saw his mouth jerk down at the corners, as if in pain.  I felt my fragile admission wither and die in the air between us.

He started to get up and gather our trash.  "You shouldn't."

"Drake?"  I hated how soft my voice was, how scared.  "Drake, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

He took a deep breath and smiled at me.  It wasn't a happy smile.  I had to bite my tongue hard to stop myself from making a sound.

"I can't, and you shouldn't really try.  I'm glad your brother is getting out, and I hope that everything gets better for you."

He walked away to throw out our trash.  I got up in a hurry, feeling hollow.  I felt like a strong gust of wind would send me flying into the sky, like a dandelion puff.

---

We didn't say another word to each other as we walked back to the corner.  Kirk and Jose and Ferdinand were all in their places.  I felt like a robot.  I just moved slowly of my own accord, saying as little as possible and feeling nothing but nothing.

It wasn't until one of my regulars came that I broke down.

I was in the hotel room, rinsing out my mouth in the sink when I remembered the night that Drake had watched me.  I remembered his gentle hands going through my hair as the water washed away the come.

I started to cry.  I couldn't contain it.  I sat heavily on the side of the bed and sobbed until snot and tears flowed down my face.

The client just left, looking at me as if I were some dangerous animal.  He tossed two twenties onto the bed and I just sobbed.  Each groan felt like sandpaper, scraping the inside of my throat.  I had been so afraid of rejection, but it hurt even more than I ever imagined it could.

I didn't leave the hotel room for a while.  My crying wound down, and I wiped my face, but I just didn't have the energy to leave.

I jumped when someone knocked on the door.

"The walls are very thin, and I can hear you in the hallway."  Drake's voice was very soft.  "Can I come in Ryan?"

I didn't answer at first.  Part of me just wanted to stay quiet and not say anything.  Part of me wanted to snap at him to go away.  Most of me was confused, and all of me was hurt.

"Okay."  He whispered from the doorway.  He was right, the walls were thin.  He was whispering and I could hear him very clearly.

I got up from the bed, wiping my eyes with the back of my forearm.  I opened the door, and I saw him walking away.  He stopped walking and turned back to look at me.

"God, are you okay?"  I whispered, stunned.

His eyes were very swollen and red.  So discolored, that they looked bruised.  I thought that he had been hit by a customer before I realized that he had been crying, too.  The idea was just so strange to comprehend.  Drake had always been the strong one.  The one that soothed me.  Now I found myself in the opposite position.

He took a few small steps towards me.  "I'm sorry."  He whispered.  His voice came out soft and guttural, because he was crying again.

I opened the door for him and he walked into room three.  He sat on the bed and buried his face in his hands.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I sat down next to him.  I had a matching pair of swollen red eyes.

"Drake?"  I whispered.

His voice was muffled and miserable, coming between his fingers.  "You said you liked me.  But we can't do this."

I felt the bitter hurt and numbness coming back up, but also a spark of defiance.  "Why?  Tell me why!  If you don't like me at all then wh-why do y-you hang out with me?  Wh-Why do you take care of me?"  I wiped my eyes fiercely, wincing at the pain of my hot sensitive skin.  "Tell me if you don't like me.  Because i-if you do..."  I choked on the hot tears.  "If you do... Then m-maybe it wont hurt as much."

His voice was very soft.  I could barely hear it, muffled through his fingers as he hung his head even lower in the cradle of his hands.  "Yes.  I like you Ryan."

I couldn't stand it for one more second.  "Neil."

He looked up, his dark eyes framed by red patches.  "What?"

Some of the stress, the weight on my shoulders was gone.  Floated away.  "My name...  It was never Ryan.  My name is Neil."

"Oh."  He whispered, softly.

He was quiet again.  I broke the silence.

"If I like you and you like me... Then why can't we at least try?"  I reached out very tentatively and rested my hand on his knee.  "You...  You always take care of me.  Nobody has ever looked out for me before.  You're kind and smart and talented and b... and beautiful."

He was shaking his head back and forth.  "No...  You can't be with me.  I'll ruin you."

I tried to say something but he interrupted, his words were intense with what sounded like anger, but his anger was turned inwards, poisonously, towards himself.

"Don't you see yourself?  How Good you are?  You take care of your family, you're doing more for them than most parents, you even do This for them."  He was shaking his head.  "You're above all of this.  One day, you'll be happy and this will just be a painful memory.  This is just going to pass you by."

He took a deep breath.  "I'm never going to be able to stop doing this.  I'm a whore.  A worthless WHORE."  The hatred.  The pure hatred in his voice.  "My mom was a whore, and now I'm a whore.  I've been one since I was a kid, and I have money saved up but I'm still doing this because I don't know what else to do."

"You can't be with me.  I'll just tear you down.  I like you, I like you a lot.  But please, after these last three weeks, you shouldn't see me again."

He got up before I could say anything.  He was walking fast to the doorway.  He shut the door behind him.

After a moment I heard his soft voice through the thin walls.

"Goodbye, Neil."

It didn't matter how I felt.  There was nothing to do but wash my face and go back outside.  I was still on the clock, after all.



Eyes Like Winona Ch. 05



*First things first.

I am VERY VERY VERY sorry. :(

I got a new job recently, and it's been taking a lot out of me. No excuse, but that's why it's taken so long. This chapter is short, but I'll try as hard as I can to get back on a 'chapter every two weeks' schedule.

Thank you for everybody who read and voted on 'The Goats'. It's a bit too late to vote on it now, but if you haven't already, check it out. A couple of you have been commenting that it's my best work, and extra-special thanks to them. ^_^

Enjoy... I love tragedies with happy endings, and we're getting closer to the end.

All characters are 18+*

*

"Neil? NEIL! Wake up! It's almost noon! SHIT!"

I blearily opened my eyes. The sun was shining through the window of the room that I shared with Ben, and his voice was loud and panicky in my ear. He was shaking me. I realized that I was nearly two hours late to my factory job.

My first instinct was to jump up. But then I just moaned and curled up tighter. I felt so bad.

"Stop it." I whimpered, pushing Ben's hands away.

He stopped shaking me and pressed his hand against my forehead. It was cool, and dry.

"Ah Shit, you got a helluva fever Neil. I'll call in for you. I was wondering why the kids were making so much noise. They didn't have their lunches."

I ignored his babbling as I curled up tighter. I had been sick for the last day or so. A bug was no reason to stop going to work. It was just a handy excuse for how miserable I felt.

I guess it had just built up. I had been so tired and stressed. I was normally good at waking up as early as I needed, but this time I just hadn't had the energy.

I closed my eyes and smothered my face into the pillow, feeling how feverishly hot my face was against the cool cloth. My throat hurt, and my head ached. I could hear Ben on the phone.

"Hi, I'm just calling on behalf of my brother, Neil Raimus? He's calling in sick. He overslept. I'm very sorry about how late I'm calling. ... A-huh, a-huh, great! Thanks, I'll make sure he calls."

He hung up the cheap cell phone that our entire family used. I pushed the blankets off of me. They were too hot.

"You are lucky... He just said to make sure that you call him when you're up and make sure you get to work tomorrow."

I nodded, burying my face in the pillow. I was so tired. At least now I got the chance to sleep in.

I could hear Ben getting ready but I ignored him. I just wanted him to leave so I could be alone.

---

"Neil!" I flinched, but didn't get the tissue over his cock in time. I could feel his hot slimy come oozing down my cheek, and over my lips. I was repulsed, but I didn't wipe it away. I just stayed on my knees, dazed.

"Are you okay?" Browning asked quietly.

I shook my head and wiped my face with a tissue, refusing to answer him. I couldn't have told him what was wrong.

I had to go back tonight. I had to suck cocks and dress in my skimpy revealing clothes, but the part that I dreaded the most was having to be with Drake and know that he didn't want to be with me.

I took a deep breath. I didn't know what to do.

---

When I got to the corner, Drake was inside. Jose was smoking a joint, blowing smoke rings.

I sat on the bottommost step, and my stomach felt tense and heavy with something close to dread. I was afraid of when I was going to see him. Underlaying that was just the plain worry of what would happen when Toby came home tomorrow. The fear of discovery, the pain of rejection, stress and tiredness all combined into a hot heavy lump of lead that weighed down my stomach.

"What's wrong?" I jumped a little and looked up to see Jose, looking down with detached curiosity. He normally didn't speak to me at all.

"Um. Nothing." I whispered.

He didn't buy it, and he offered his joint. I had never smoked before, but some impulse told me to take it.

I inhaled the smoke deep into my lungs, and the next second red crosses were dancing in front of my eyes as I coughed and gasped for air. My lungs felt like they were on fire, and I was coughing so hard that it was difficult to suck in air. I could hear Jose laughing, not unkindly, as he scooted down to be on the step next to me and clap me on the back.

"First time, eh? Smooth?" I laughed weakly through my coughing, even though my throat tasted like ashes and blood. Why did people do this!? If everybody's first pull on a cigarette did this, then why did anyone smoke at all?

He fumbled a bottle of water from his pack and I drank gratefully, even though it didn't seem to do much. Eventually the coughing eased, and I started to feel calm. I looked around, and the streetlights seemed too bright, my muscles seemed so relaxed.

"Am I high?" I asked quietly. Jose laughed. I giggled with him.

"I'd say you are."

I stopped laughing right away and looked to the top of the staircase. A customer was hustling down the steps and away, but Drake was at the top of the stairs. Quiet. His eyes, his dark beautiful eyes seemed very large in his face. Very sad.

Jose looked between us and nodded his head, as if he had expected something like this. He sat on his side of the stairs.

I looked down at the cracked sidewalk under my feet, feeling sick and ashamed and very relaxed from the pot. It was a strange feeling. When I sensed Drake sitting right next to me, inches away, as if nothing had changed; I flinched from the surprise.

"Hey." He said softly. A greeting, nothing more, nothing less.

"Hey." I whispered, still shrinking slightly away from him.

A car pulled up and I jumped up to speak to them, feeling worried and confused. The man behind the wheel was a slim black man with a shiny high brow where his hairline receded. His eyes were dark and ashamed behind goldrimmed glasses, and he wore a sweater vest over a blue shirt. He looked like a librarian.

"I've never done this before." He blurted, looking at my face, and then down at where my jean cutoffs ended, and then at my crotch, and then tearing back to my face.

I smiled at him. I preferred the shy ones. They were gentler, less dominating, less sure of themselves. "It's easy. Just tell me what you want to do, and with who. I'll tell you what it costs."

I could see his eyes linger on Drake, flit past Jose. "I... I'd like to spend time with you." He murmured very softly.

I shrugged. "I don't take it up the ass, is that going to be a problem?" He shook his head, frowning in a way that was almost comical.

"Alright. Just find somewhere to park... Tonight I'm in room three, kay?"

He asked me what my name was, and I said Ryan. He went off to park his car.

"He's with me." I muttered. I felt my face flush when they both looked at me. I just felt so confused when Drake looked at me with his subdued expression. I wasn't sure if I loved him for taking care of me, or hated him for how confused and lonely he made me feel.

"Kay." Drake murmured. "Be safe."

He always said that. It was like a farewell for him. Whenever I went home, he said 'be safe', whenever I was with a customer. It was just now that I realized how often he had told me that. How much he had really meant it. I remembered the scar under his nipple, where he had been mutilated by a skinhead.

"Thanks." I whispered, hopping up the steps and into the building. Before I started to cry or laugh or do something stupid.

---

The night went by very slowly. Every minute I was with Drake seemed drawn out, like a string of taffy.

We never spoke. But he still sat next to me. He didn't touch me, but the look in his eyes was so compelling. So friendly and sad and trusting. I didn't know how to feel. 

Part of me was venomously angry at him. I wanted him to make up his mind and either reject me or be with me. Pick one or the other. The rest of me was just lonely and confused.

I had the feeling that he wanted to talk to me. But he didn't dare with Kirk and Jose around.

The hours passed, slowly. And I waited with a sick stomach to see what he would decide.

---

The night ended as it always did, with Ferdinand pulling up and telling us to go home for the night.

Kirk was still inside with a customer, but the rest of us were on the steps. I got up, hearing my knees pop quietly. I started to walk away, tensed up, waiting for. . .

"Neil?"

I flinched. It was still a real shock to hear my name coming from his mouth. I looked around, making sure that Jose was out of hearing range. Hearing my name from his mouth made my chest feel hot, choked up. "Yeah?" I whispered.

He hesitated. "Um. Nothing. Nevermind." He shook his head and then blurted it out. "I thought you said you weren't going to try pot?"

He sounded confused, but I heard disappointment in his voice. I was so angry and hurt that I just started to walk away. I felt like I was nearly trembling with nervous furious energy.

I didn't look back.

---

I didn't want to go home right away. I was just too angry. Hot tears were falling down my cheeks, and I couldn't tell if they were from anger or sadness or frustration. I didn't even know how I felt. I knew that I still was badly infatuated with Drake. I didn't know if I hated him or wanted to take him back. I didn't know if we were still going to be friends after I left or if he really would try to never see me again.

Drake was the first real friend of mine that had been gay, and out about it. He had taken care of me. I wanted him to stay as my friend.

I turned a corner again for the second time. I realized dimly that I was still in my whore clothes, but I was too tired to change. I was just going to go around this block one more time to try and vent some frustration, and then I would go home anyway.  

I checked my watch. It was three thirty in the morning, and I was starting to feel a little sick. Normally I changed into my regular clothes and just walked straight home. I felt uneasy, and angry at myself.

I turned around in my tracks and started trotting home the quickest way. My detour had brought me into an even shadier part of the city. I just wanted to be home already.

A car was going very slowly behind me. I noticed sickly that there was nobody around. I started to walk faster. There was an intersection about four hundred yards. I just had to get there, into the bright yellow sodium-arc lamps.

I looked over my shoulder. The other intersection was closer, but then I would have to go past the slowly moving SUV.

I decided that I was being silly, jumping at shadows. I kept walking, panting slightly from the exertion of walking fast. I nearly jumped at the brief muted roar of the engine.

The SUV's engine squealed and it creaked at the side of the road. The window rolled down and I saw 'Benji' smiling at me. 'Stanley' was driving. I felt my stomach sink with relief and annoyance and anger. I was wearing my whore clothes. They had recognized me.

"Hey Ryan." Benji grinned. "What are you doing so far away? Taking a walk?" Some of the uneasiness came back. I stopped walking. I didn't want these two to know where I lived, or even which direction.

"I was just walking to the store." I lied blithely. There was a 7/11 nearby, though I wasn't sure how late it was open. "I'm not working anymore tonight. If you go back to the apartment, I think that Jose is still working."

A blatant lie. A pathetic attempt to make them leave. Benji opened the car door and got out. I edged away. My heart was beating in my chest, jackhammering desperately against my ribs. I wondered if this was what having a heart attack felt like.

"Hey, we had a lot of fun the other day. We were just going home from this party. Wanna come home with us? We got all the good stuff... Poppers, pot... Even a little coke, if you're into that stuff. We can have a party!"

Stanley echoed him from the front seat. "Yeah, a party!" His face was even redder than usual, and I realized that both of them were already intoxicated on something or the other. I was scared, really scared.

I shook my head, still edging away. "I'm really sorry guys." No I wasn't. "I'm off work. It's late, I... I just want to go home." My voice was starting to show how scared I was. Benji advanced one step and reached drunkenly for me. I flinched back and took another large step backwards. Stanley was driving forwards to keep up with me, Benji was starting to walk purposefully towards me.

I just gave up all pretenses. I bolted. I was so fucking scared. My breath was coming in in harsh little pants that sounded like screams.

Then I felt like I was choking. Both of my shoulders jerked back sharply and forced my air out in a cough. Benji had grabbed my backpack. Before I could squirm out, he had me in a bear hug. I kicked his shins, I tried to bite his muscular forearm. My throat was constricted and wheezing with fear.

"Come on Ryan, don't be like that."

He was dragging me. Dragging me into one of the narrow fissures between the two tall and unforgiving buildings. One was a dead-quiet parking structure. The other was an office building. I got air into my lungs and I screamed, but it sounded weak and thin.

"Help! Help me!" I screamed. He shoved a hand over my mouth and I struggled, but his arms were hard, like bands of steel holding me still.

Stanley was there, suddenly. He was laughing. He was right in front of me as Benji held me still. I could feel Benji's cock digging into my back.

"Why so coy, darling?" He hissed. "You do this all of the time. We're just gonna have some fun, okay? Shh..."

His face was blurry. My face was wet with tears and snot. I was dressed in a tank top, cutoff jeans and a prayer. He fumbled with the buttons on the shorts. I struggled, bucking my hips, squirming.

Benji shook me. He had one hand over my mouth and he shook my head violently, up and down, back and forth. "Stop it." He snarled harshly in my ear.

When he was done, my neck hurt from the violent treatment. My head felt jumbled and confused. I had bitten my tongue and I tasted blood.

I could hear the car door opening. They were dragging me into the van. I felt so sick, so scared. They dragged me in the back and I saw that all of the seats except the driver's and passenger seats were put down. My knees burned on the carpeted floor of the van as they forced me onto my hands and knees and shut all of the doors. It was so dark. I couldn't see anything.

Benji's body was forcing me down. His hand was over my mouth and his heavy body was trying to crush me flat to the floor. He was fumbling with my shorts, trying to yank them down.

He swore. "Hey, Chris? Hold his head for me, will ya?"

Stanley/Chris snarled at him. "No names!"

While they were distracted I sunk my teeth into Benji's hand as hard as I could. I tasted blood, and I felt something snap.

Benji howled, snatching his hand from my mouth. I sucked in breath to scream, but Chris grabbed me in a headlock and started to choke the life from me. He was shaking me. Shaking and bruising and I couldn't breathe and I couldn't see and I couldn't even close my eyes as I gargled with pain.

He released my neck. But then he held my arms in front of me, pinning them to the carpeted floors with his knees and holding my head in his lap, covering my mouth with his hand while Benji finally succeeded in yanking my shorts down to my knees. I tried to kick him, but without having to deal with my upper body, he was able to hold me down easily.

I couldn't move. A surge of panic-ridden strength had me bucking and struggling like crazy, even as I gasped for air. I needed to make somebody hear me. Somebody had to see the car rocking back and forth. Somebody needed to realize what was happening. 

I froze and my sphincter clamped down hard with shock and revulsion. He was sticking his fingers up my ass. It hurt, and I realized that I had stopped struggling. That I was trembling in their arms like a wet dog. I couldn't even make sounds anymore.

"Yeah... Yeah, that's it... You like that don't you Ryan?" He jabbed his fingers in and out, making me whimper and hiccup sobs into Chris's hand. It was going to happen. They were going to do it to me.

Chris must have sensed me relaxing slightly, and he shoved my upper body to the ground, holding me still. My arms were crushed under me. His weight was on my upper back, keeping me pinned. I could hear Benji spitting.

"Jesus, put a condom on. You don't know who he's slept with, or what he's got. He's probably crawling with every disease there is!" 

I moaned into the carpeted floor. I could remember something. Something on the corner of my mind, something that I couldn't quite remember, bring into focus.

"Loosen him up for me, Babe." Chris murmured. It felt like my shoulders were dislocated. He was heavy. His voice was excited and tender. Tender.

He was heavy, but I heard him swear as I thrashed once, like a beached fish. His hand slipped off of my mouth, and for a second, my scream was so loud, that I shut up out of shock. He pressed his hand back over my mouth. I felt like I was being split open. Like I would be able to pull open my buttocks later on and I would see nothing but a deep bloody chasm.

"He's tight." Benji grunted. I went limp. Tears streaked down my face, and I was whimpering. But my mind felt strangely calm. Almost serene. I needed to be able to move my hand. My right hand. Right now, it was crammed under me and their combined weight was too much.

Chris was stroking my hair with his free hand. His knee was digging into the center of my back, like a red-hot bar of lead. "Hush, Baby-boy... This ain't so bad, is it? It's a party. We're having fun, right? Right baby?"

My right arm was numb. No blood was reaching my fingers, and I could feel numb tingling all the way up to my elbow.

Benji was swearing, bumping his hips so hard that my vision was blurring, I was being jerked back and forth by the force of his fucking. The pain was so bad that I didn't really register it anymore.

Benji jerked in five more times, and went limp over me, panting. I squealed with panic. I couldn't breathe.

"Get up! It's my turn."

Benji was up. I could move my right arm, but I moved it slowly, inching it as they switched places. I could see Chris rolling a condom onto his thick freakish penis. Drake had told me that his penis was so thick because he had undergone a girth-enhancement surgery. He had injected pockets of fat all around his cock to make it bigger and thicker.

I moved my numb arm, and I jammed my numb fingers into my pocket. I could barely feel the cylindrical shape as I tightened my fingers around the small spray can and slid my thumb onto the trigger-button.

I jerked my hand out and pressed the button, pointing the little can at Benji's face. I expected it to come out a spray, and dimly surprised when the mace came out in a thick line, running down his face like slimy tears.

I turned, feeling Benji recoil away from me, screaming with raw pain, writhing and trying to wipe his eyes. 

"Tio! Tio, are you okay! What did he do to you?"

His hands raked through my hair, trying to grab me, but I recoiled, slipping out of his distracted grip and kicking away from him, my feet at his midsection. I fumbled backwards, grabbing for the metal handle to get out of the fucking van.

I pulled on it and it didn't bulge. I felt a weak sob tear out of my throat. I fumbled with the little lock-bar at the top of the door, but my fingers had no dexterity. They moved like they were asleep.

"You little shit!" Chris roared.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out when he got on top of me, his fist crashing into my back, my side, my shoulder, my ear.

He had one knuckle raised. Each punch was like a blow from a sledgehammer. When he hit my ear my vision exploded bright red and I keened with fear and pain.

I turned onto my back and scrabbled at him with my hands and feet. I managed to lodge my foot under his ribs and heave him off of me. The lock finally gave and I fell out of the car, hitting the damp asphalt, scraping skin from my elbows and cheek.




Eyes Like Winona Ch. 05



I scrambled up and tried to run, but my shorts were still around my ankles. I fell down hard and hit my chin on the curb, making my teeth click together on my tongue with a sharp pain. Blood spurted from my mouth. I didn't know where my shirt was. My backpack was in the car, but there was no way I could go back.

I got to my feet and pulled the shorts up, running as fast as my abused body and dazed head could stand. I had lost both of my shoes, cheap foam flip-flops, in the van.

I couldn't go home. Not like this.

---

The guy was staring at me. I cringed, and pressed the call button on the side of the mud-yellow apartment building. The guy kept staring from the shadows. He was a heavyset latino man with a fat silver stud through his lower lip, and arms covered with scrawls of blue ink that looked like they had been inked by a child.

I had pressed the button three times. I cried weakly. I was so scared, so exposed. Dressed in nothing but my bloodsoaked underwear and ripped jeans shorts. My feet hurt, and I had a cut on the ball of my left toe.

I pressed the button again, shaking and trying not to look at the impassive man who kept staring at me. I must have been a mess. A skinny half-naked barefoot boy with blood all over his face and chin. Maybe he thought that I was on drugs, or that I had been mugged, or both, or...

Drake's voice. Blurred with static. Cranky and tired. Heavenly to my ringing ears.

"Who is it? If you kids keep ringing my buzzer I'm gonna call the fucking cops."

"Drake." I whimpered into the metal grill. I didn't even know where to start, or what to say. So I just said.

"Drake. I need help."

I slid to my knees on the concrete steps, to weak and scared to keep standing, crying into my hands, leaning against the ugly yellow bricks. I sagged against the wall until the door opened.

"Neil?" He whispered.

"Please help me."



Eyes Like Winona Ch. 06



*Ugh... Shortness...

Sorry! But I'm just releasing a short chapter so you can see it. I'm working, but things are going slow. I'll have the next chapter out as soon as I can.

All Characters are 18+*

*

"Please help me."

That was the last straw. Before I had been snuffling. Little gasping sobs under my breath. But with those three words, my legs went limp and I slid to the sidewalk. I took a deep whooping breath and wailed into my hands, clasped over my mouth. I had been swallowing the blood from my cut tongue, and I felt so sick that I retched a little as I sobbed.

He dropped down next to me. I couldn't look at him. I flinched when he tried to lay his hand on my shoulder.

"Neil!" He muttered. "Come on... Come on Neil. Follow me."

I weakly got up, keeping one hand at my waist, keeping the torn jeans shorts from falling down. I was off-balance, and I fell. Drake caught me. His hand under my armpit. He heaved me up in one easy motion and supported me. I leaned on him. I could have walked by myself, but I didn't.

I closed my eyes as we walked, letting him lead me, feeling the tears fall even from my closed eyes. I could tell when we reached his room. I could smell the air fresheners that he kept around. I could hear the door opening.

I tried to stop crying. I managed to quiet the sobs. He gently released me so I sat on the edge of the bed. A huge numb jolt of pain made me whimper as I sat down. He was digging around in a drawer. He pulled out a cell phone and dialed in a number, glancing back at me. I flinched away from his gaze.

"Ferdinand. Ferd... Something happened to Ryan. He's back at my apartment. Somebody hurt him."

"Chris..." I whispered. "Tio."

He glanced back at me, and I closed my eyes. "Their names. The ones you watched."

I was mumbling, but he understood. "Ryan says it was the couple who came here and shared him, the couple where I watched." His voice was thick and choked with anger.

"Alright. Alright, I will. Goodbye."

He put the phone down and he was by my side in an instant. "Ferdinand is gonna take care of those two, okay?"

I nodded, looking down at my knees. They were bloody from my fall out of the van. I started to shake. I tried not to cry, but I was shaking with the effort.

"My family." I whispered. "I g-g-gotta g-go h-home." I felt so sick that I held my stomach and bent over, resting my face between my bloody knees. I whimpered. "Wh-What do I tell them Drake? They're gonna... They're gonna be so..."

I was babbling. He rested his hand on my back. I shut up. His hand was cool and dry and very light.

"You don't have to go home." He whispered. "What's your number?"

I gave it to him. Feeling a dim ember of hope in my chest.

He called my home on his cell phone. My entire family shared a cheap phone with a minute-by-minute plan. I was so quiet that I could hear it ringing. When I heard Ben say "Hello?" I curled up again, feeling physically ill with shame and panic.

"Hey... This is one of Neil's friends. We got a bit hammered tonight, so Neil's gonna sleep here. I'll get him to work in the morning, no worries."

He was slurring his voice slightly. Falling into the role of a drunk friend. I could hear Ben talking angrily, demanding to talk to me. I held out my hand.

Drake covered the mouthpiece of the phone with his hand. "Are you sure?" I nodded, and accidentally looked into his eyes for the first time since I had been assaulted.

He was so beautiful.

I fumbled the cell phone from his hand.

"Ben?" I whispered.

"Neil, where are you? I'm gonna come pick you up."

I flicked my eyes up to Drake. He was digging around in a drawer for something. I could see the way his muscles bunched up between his shoulder blades as he dug.

"No."

Ben didn't say anything for a moment. Drake looked up and his dark worried eyes gave me strength. "What do you mean, No? I'm coming to pick you up!"

"No. I'm fine, Dean is gonna give me a ride."

"I thought you said his name was Scott."

"I have more than one friend Ben. Now Fuck off."

I wanted to drive him away. Make him angry enough that he wouldn't want to come. But I was surprised and hurt by how vindicated I felt. By the all-too-real anger in my voice. I was surprised at the depth of real anger that I found for my brother. I tried to stop. I didn't want to be angry at him. But I was drunk on pain, and I couldn't halt the bitter flow of words.

"Stop pretending to be worried about me for once and pretend to be worried about the others. Get off your lazy ass and watch your family for once. Tell your bitch girlfriend to take a night off. Get a fucking job, and then maybe you can talk to me with that tone of voice.

"Contribute for once, and then maybe you can pretend like you're something other than an entitled parasite."

He was silent. Stunned.

"Toby is getting out tomorrow." He whispered hollowly. "At eight... You'd better be there."

"Goodnight Ben." I whispered. I shut Drake's phone, and I started to weep.

Drake sat on the bed next to me and very tentatively rubbed my back. It felt good.

"Can I t-take a shower?" I asked.

"Sure. I'll lend you some clothes tomorrow. But you're gonna need a story."

I looked at him for an explanation. He touched my chin, scraped up from the fall out of the van. I nodded tearfully, and I limped to the shower. It was a glass box, the glass was frosted about halfway up. I got into the box first before stripping my shorts. 

I nearly retched when I saw the ugly red blotch that had soaked through the seat.

"Are you okay?"

I nearly said yes. It was just ingrained in me to say that whenever somebody asked if I was okay. Instead I said nothing and started the water. 

I pressed my lips together tight to muffle the moan of pain. My scrapes stung. The water felt good on my bruises. I could see pinkish water running down my legs. I put my face under the spray and I felt like I was drowning. I stayed that way for a long time.

---

"Neil. Neil. NEIL!"

The door opened and I flinched and shrank into the glass, gasping at the cool pane against my wet flushed skin.

Drake slid the stall door closed. "I called your name ten times and you didn't say anything. I was worried."

I turned the water off. Drake tossed an old white towel over the door. I buried my face in it. It was clean and soft. It smelled like detergent. A sweet, somehow childlike smell. I lifted the towel, and there was a small pink spot where my chin had been.

I wrapped the towel around my waist and opened the stall door. He was standing there, holding my torn shorts. 

"How bad is it?" He whispered.

I felt so cold out of the water. I was shivering. Water from my wet bangs was dripping into my eyes, and the remnants of Drake's shampoo stung them. I had used the shampoo without even thinking. The ritual had made me feel a little better, but now I felt horribly exposed. Like a naked nerve ending, raw and pained and alone.

He was standing three feet away from me but it felt like more. The careful way he maintained his bearing. Even now.

"Neil?"

My name. Hearing my name from his lips broke me. Broke the skin of restraint.

I rushed at him. One unsteady step, and then my face was buried under his chin and my arms were tight around his thin chest and I was holding on so tight. I didn't want him to push me away. The towel fell down but I didn't care. I couldn't let go. I needed him. The sound that rushed out of my mouth was more animal than human.

What was this feeling? He wasn't pushing me away. His wiry arms in a cradle that held me close. His one bony hand flat between my shoulderblades, and the other cradling the back of my skull. His cheek was flat the side of my face, his chin hooked on my shoulder. His body was against me, frank, and there.

"This wasn't supposed to happen." He choked, holding me so tight that my bruises throbbed. "You were gonna be okay... You were gonna get out of here."

The limp towel was pinned behind our bodies.

I pressed my lips against his chest. He was crying. I could feel his chest heaving. I had seen his reddened eyes before. But I had never seen him cry. Now I could feel it. It was my first kiss. My first Drake-kiss.

He held me for a minute longer, and my sobs dwindled to soft tremors. He squeezed me a little tighter. "Are you still bleeding? We should take you to the hospital."

I shook my head. "I can't. I'll b-be fine." I could hear Drake's heart beating in his chest. It soothed me. I could feel my own heart slowing, my breathing.

His grip on me was loosening. I hugged him tighter, not wanting it to end. Afraid of the uncomfortable realities outside of his arms.

He gently pushed me away, and the towel fell down from where it had been pinned between us. I didn't move. I just stood in front of him, naked and completely exposed. I put my arm behind me, and felt between my buttocks with my hand. My skin was clean and hot and dry. When I brought my hand back, it was clean. I let my hand go limp. And then I bent down to retrieve the towel, feeling my cheeks heat up. He had seen me naked before. He had seen me between Chris and Tio, those monsters. But I felt more naked now than ever.

I wrapped the towel around my waist, and he went to dig in his drawer. He brought out a first aid kit and a baggy black shirt with YAMAHA scrawled across the chest in white.

I pulled the shirt over my head gratefully. He wet a cotton ball with alcohol and started to dab it at my chin. It stung bad enough to make my eyes water, but I sat down and took it.

He cleaned the scrapes on my knees and elbows. He bandaged my chin, and my left elbow, which was the worst. The gauze pads crackled uncomfortably.

"It's late." Drake murmured quietly. Subdued. We should get to bed.

Were we just going to ignore it now? Ignore the desperate way we had embraced?

"Kay." I whispered.

---

The covers, they were clinging to me. I tried to kick them away, but that just tangled me more. I started to moan, because the movements hurt me. They hurt my scrapes and my bruises, and set a sick deep throbbing deep in my abdomen. It hurt, but I didn't stop trying to kick the covers off. I groaned with the pain and the panic. I realized dimly that I didn't have any covers on me. But the horrible constricted feeling didn't go away.

Suddenly, the tight and menacing tangle of the imagined covers was replaced by something shockingly warm and strong. Drake was clinging to me, shushing me. I wept tiredly. I was so tired. More tired than scared or hurt or anything else.

I turned and I kissed him. I kissed him for real. On the mouth. It was really short. I broke it a second later, and I buried my head in the pillow. Crying tiredly, trying to wake up from this confusing dream. Trying to fall asleep from it.

Was I awake?

I felt a sick jolt of anxiety at that thought. Had I just kissed him? My head hurt.

I felt the covers being pulled carefully up to my waist. I felt his hands pulling down the shirt so it covered me again.

Then he snuggled up closer. I was facedown in his pillow trembling with shame. He rested his arm across my shoulders.

"It's okay Neil... I'm here. I'm here baby."

I looked at him, my vision blurry with sleep. He rested his hand on the side of my face, and he kissed me.

This time the kiss lasted. I could taste his hot breath, still minty from toothpaste. I could feel the curl of his lips, the puff of air on my upper lip when he exhaled through his nose.

My hand crept up, and I slid it under his head, cradling him. Making sure he wouldn't slip away. My heart was beating frantically fast in my chest.

He broke the kiss. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" I whispered. I kissed him again, a soft press of lips. He was thinking, his eyes closed.

"I'll tell him tomorrow. I'll tell Ferdinand that I don't want to work anymore."

"What?" I whispered, snuggling into him. It didn't feel real. A sick part of my stomach told me that this had to be some terrible misleading dream. But I didn't want to believe that. This had to be real.

It had to be real or I would go crazy when I woke up.

"I don't want to get hurt anymore. I don't want to see you get hurt." He whispered.

"Why now?" I whispered, nuzzling into his chest. I pressed the center of my aching forehead into his chest as hard as I could. As if the beat of his heart could cure my terrible headache.

He hesitated. "I don't want to live like this anymore. I got enough saved up. I want to stop." He lowered his head so his chin and mouth were at the top of my head. He whispered the last words into my hair.

"I know I screwed up. Would you give me another chance? Please."

Finally, with a little shudder. "I think I love you, Neil."

With those words, those impossible words, he held onto me tighter than before, so tight that he hurt my bruises. He kissed me on the forehead. I felt feverish. His lips were warm against my sweaty skin.

"Am I asleep?" I asked quietly. I was sure that I was asleep. This was a dream. It felt like a dream in so many ways.

"No." He said quietly.

I felt the tears stream down my cheeks, and I wiped them off on his chest. "Thank you." I whispered.

"For what?"

I felt my eyes close as I snuggled as tight and close as I could into his chest. My nose flattening, my lips against his skin. "For being there." I mumbled, muffled.

"Is that a yes?"

I laughed, even with the tears stinging the bridge of my nose.

"Of course it is."

I was so tired and weak that I fell asleep after that. But I didn't have any more nightmares.

My boyfriend was there to protect me. 



Eyes Like Winona Ch. 07



"Hey."

Mmf.

"Hey.... Neil. I'm really sorry, but you have to wake up now. Just for a sec."

I opened my eyes, struggling because my eyelashes were gummed together with sleep. He was sitting on the bed next to me, holding his small red cell phone.  He was naked from the waist up, and I could see his shoulder blades under his pale white skin. There was something beautiful about the structure of his bones. Like a marble statue.

Hmm?

"What's your manager's number?"

I blurted it out without really thinking. I stretched under the covers, and winced with a small moan because of how badly it hurt.

"Why? What do you need it for?"

He punched it into his phone, muttering the numbers under his breath. "You're calling in sick, that's what."

I could hear the ringing tone. I felt sick. I closed my eyes and buried my face in the pillow. Drake's voice was soft and professional and soothing.

"Hey, this is Neil's older brother, Ben. I'm just calling, and I'm sorry, we should have called sooner. There was an emergency last night."

I could hear my manager talking vaguely, like how the adults talked in the old Peanuts cartoon. Drake told him that I had been mugged on the way back from work the night before. That I was okay, but that I had gotten pretty beat up, too much to work for a day or so.

For a moment, he held the phone to my ear. "So. Sick yesterday, and now you got mugged."

"It's the truth." I whispered.

Maybe he heard something in my voice, but he didn't say anything else about it. He told me to come in as soon as I was able, and he hung up."

I turned over on the bed and closed my eyes again. I was so fucking tired.

He nudged me awake. "The gas station, too. You have to call your manager there."

"Mr. Browning?" I mumbled.

He rubbed my shoulder. "C'mon. Last one, and then you can sleep." He leaned down and kissed me on the side of my head. "I promise."

I gave him the number. A second later, the phone was to my ear. He was giving me this one.

"Hello?" That soft whispery voice that had gotten me into this in the first place.

"Hey... Mr. Browning, I don't think I can come into work today." My voice was hoarse. He was asking me if I was okay.

"I got mugged on the way home last night. Sorry, I should have called you sooner." The words felt monotone and false on my tongue. He would know. He had to know.

"Oh... Well, I guess I can handle it alone for one day. I hope you feel better."

He sounded so lonely. I resented him sometimes, but I also realized how much I owed him. 

"Kay... I'll see you tomorrow." I murmured. My eyes were closing. I felt so tired. I didn't hear Mr. Browning's response, because Drake flipped the phone shut and put it on the counter.

"We have some time now. You should get some rest."

I curled up on the bed, and patted the fabric next to me. He smiled a little, but his eyes were sad. He lay down next to me and I rested my head on his chest, on the slight muscular pillow.

I closed my eyes. The whole day was free, at least until eight. That was when I had to face my family, feed them a lie about the bruises on my face. When my brother Toby was released. I would have to lie to him too.

I felt hot tears squeezing out under my gritty lids. I could hear Drake's heartbeat, feel his chest rising and falling with his breath. He rested his hand on my head.

"It's okay." He whispered. "Shh. Just rest."

I took a deep shuddering breath and relaxed. He gently tussled my hair.

"It will be better when you wake up."

I exhaled, and I closed my eyes.

---

The first knock on the door made me flinch, the next two tore me into consciousness. It was quiet for a moment as Drake moaned and got up. Then the knocking came again, louder and more insistent. There was something frightening about it. Something that made me shrink, and pull the covers over me. I wanted Drake to stay in the bed, not answer the door.

But he was already up, peeking through the hole in the door. Clad only in baggy sweatpants.

I remembered that first night, pulling up his shirt to show me the scar under his nipple.

Drake opened the door, and Ferdinand was there, rubbing the bridge of his nose. His face seemed more droopy than normal, probably because of the sleepless bags under his bloodshot eyes.

He glanced at me, and I cringed, holding the sheets tight around my shoulders.

"Get up." He said softly. "I need to see what those cunts did to you."

I didn't want to. I was afraid to. I looked at Drake, and he nodded slightly. His body language was tense and defensive. That made me panic.

I got up, feeling the air against my bruised and scraped skin, feeling all of my muscles ache. Feeling my torn asshole throb. My genitals felt like they were trying to shrink inside of me.

He walked around me quickly, for a man of his bulk. I flinched when he touched my lower back with one cold thumb. He was touching the bruises above my kidneys. 

He touched the gauze pads on my elbows. "When did these happen?"

"I..." It was hard to talk. My voice was shaking. "I tried to get out of the van. I fell and... And I scraped myself on the sidewalk."

He finished walking around me. My legs collapsed and I fell bonelessly onto the bed. I wrapped the sheets around me just as quick as I could. I could see bright sunlight filtering in through the shuttered window, and the alarm clock said it was one in the afternoon.

Ferdinand looked down at me and dug in his pocket. He pulled out a polaroid. One of the old snap-photos. He tossed it to me.

I picked it up from the bedspread. I nearly gagged when I saw what was in the photo.

Stanley/Chris and Benji/Tio, next to each other. Their faces were swollen. I could see teeth missing in Tio's mouth. They were discolored, bruised and beaten out of recognition.

"Are... Are they..." I gagged again.

He picked up the polaroid and went over to the toilet. He started burning it with a cigarette lighter. "Nope. They aren't dead. I just taught them a lesson. They wont buy any boys from me ever, and they better not show their faces around here again. I just wanted to let you know that.

"Also, you're going to come with me and Drake here to see my doctor. I want you working again tomorrow, until our agreed time. No excuses."

"Yes sir." I whispered, cringing on the bed.

"Ferdinand?"

Drake was standing up. He looked resolute. I felt sick for him. I didn't want him to try and quit, not now, not when Ferdinand was like this.

"Drake..." I whispered.

He glanced at me, but didn't stop. "I want to leave, Ferd."

Ferdinand looked at him long and hard. His eyes were cold. He glanced back at me and shook his head. "You gotta be fucking kidding me."

He sighed. He dropped the tiny burning edge of the polaroid into the toilet and flushed before digging a small notebook out of his jacket. "You're done on the twenty fourth of October. A Thursday.

He eyed us both. "You two are working full time starting tomorrow. Get here at eight, don't leave till three. I'm gonna put out the word to some of the loyals that you two are leaving, so you better take on as many customers as you can. No breaks."

He lit up a thin black cigarette, and the tang of cloves filled the air. "Drake? Get him some duds. We're going to the doctor now."

Drake nodded smartly, and started digging around in his drawers.

---

Drake grabbed me a granola bar and a banana on the way out of the apartment. They were gone, but I was still hungry. The back of Ferdinand's car smelled like a million different flavors of smoke, and I felt a little queasy, but the hunger was still there. I had never felt sick and hungry at the same time before. It was strange.

The seats were upholstered, soft and cushy and maroon. I closed my eyes. Cracking the back window open a little so I could have a stream of fresh air against my nose and mouth as Ferdinand smoked his clove cigarettes. The sunlight felt uneasy and warm on my skin.

Drake's clothes were loose, creased. They had been folded in a drawer, not grabbed from a fresh laundry pile. The folds in the jeans felt strange. The shirt felt too crisp. Almost starched. I was barefoot. I could feel ashes and piles of what felt like magazines by my feet. I looked down, I saw notebooks. Ledgers. Books. I recognized none of the titles. I lifted my feet, wincing at the twinge from my muscles.

Drake was sitting in the back with me. I felt him put his hand on top of mine. It helped me feel the rough soft fabric of the seats, and the wires underneath.

The clothes I was wearing smelled like him. A little. They were clean, so the smells were smells from his room. Air freshener, detergent. A ghost of his body spray.

I looked up, and I jerked my hand away. Ferdinand was looking at me through the rearview mirror. His eyes were so cold. I cringed.

He was looking back at the road. Drake put his hand on my knee through the fabric. I winced because of the scrape.

"You don't have to be afraid." He said softly.

I knew that I was being jumpy. But I just couldn't help it. Ferdinand scared me so much.

---

It was a clinic like any other. Nestled in a suburb between an eye clinic and a pharmacy.

But I was stripped naked in one of the clinic rooms, with a heavy doctor carefully probing my asshole with one lubricated finger.

I whimpered.

I had pissed in a cup. He had checked me all over for bruises and lacerations. Now this.

He finished the probing, and gently cupped my genitals in one cold gloved hand. He was checking them for bruises, but his touch was repellent. He was stroking and squeezing. I was stiff and resisting his touch until he let go.

Ferdinand was sitting in one of the chairs, chewing on the end of an unlit strawberry cigarette.

I flinched away, sliding out of his grip as the doctor grabbed my hip.

He pouted. "Come here. Get down on your knees... I don't do this for free..."

Ferdinand grunted. "No, not that one Perez... Dean is gonna take care of you."

"Oh." He mumbled. "Well, send him in."

Ferdinand sent a text on his phone and made a slight flicking motion at me with his outthrust chin. I gratefully grabbed the clothes that Drake had leant me and put them on as fast as I could, moaning when I accidentally strained my hurt muscles or touched a bruise. The doctor wrote me a prescription for a kind of lotion for my bruises, painkillers, and something I was supposed to apply to my rectum every day.

Drake walked in, eyeing the doctor coolly. "Should I take a piss test now, or after?"

I walked out with Ferdinand, but I still caught the line.

"Why not during?"

---

I waited out in the car with Ferdinand. Silent. Leaning close to the window to get as much fresh air as I could. He was smoking a coffee flavored cigarette now.

"Why you, I wonder?" Ferdinand didn't sound like he expected me to answer. So I just stayed quiet. "You're cute, I guess. But he was rubbing on you right away. Now I'm losing a good boy and a great one."

He glanced over at me. "Are you just good in the sack? Is that it?"

This time he was expecting me to answer. And instead of lying, I told the truth.

"We haven't had sex yet."

He seemed so shocked by that that he had nothing left to say.

We both jumped a little when the car door opened and Drake slid in. His hair was wet, and Ferdinand started to complain, but Drake cut him off.

"I took a shower. My clothes are clean."

He saw my grossed out expression and he grinned slightly. "Sick old fuck. But he works cheap and discreet. You guys get the medicine? Lets get out of here."

---

Three in the afternoon, and I was back in Drake's room. I was wearing his clothes, and he was carefully applying makeup to a my swollen right ear. We had to stand in front of his mirror. The scrapes on my chin and elbows I would just have to explain. Everything else I could hide.

"There. All done."

I looked in the mirror and my ear looked just fine. I kept looking in the mirror as Drake put his arms around my neck and peered over my shoulder. I saw him smile and gently kiss me under my tender ear.

It felt good. I shivered a little. The place under my ear was sensitive. It was like I felt warm prickles of life go straight to my cock.

"Drake." I whispered. I clasped his left hand in my left hand. And with a tiny moan, I led his hand around to the front of my pants, and pressed it against my crotch. I felt him moan softly in my ear, and squeeze through the front of his pants that I had borrowed.

He was breathing hard in my ear. I could feel his cock against me from behind. 

And then he wasn't touching me anymore. Just like that.

I turned around. Confused and unfulfilled. "Drake?" 

He was sitting on the bed. His hands crossed and cupped over his crotch. His face flushed.

"I let him piss on me, Neil." He whispered. "And then he told me to piss on him. And he was licking it up. Like it was lemonade."

I took a step back. I said his name softly. I didn't like seeing him like this. He was normally the strong one. And I just felt so helpless when I couldn't help him.

"I... I'm saying it badly. Neil? I'm going to have to do a lot of stuff like that. I've had to do gross stuff for a long time now. I like you a lot, and you make me feel good." He laughed softly. "You make me feel, horny. Do you know how long it's been since I've felt horny?"

I sat on the bed next to him and I brought the blanket around our shoulders. He snuggled into me.

"One of my fears... A big one. Is that we'll have sex and I wont feel anything."

I gave a theatrical shudder, and he giggled a little.

"I... I just want to wait until we're done for good. I don't want to associate this..." He gestured around the room in a vague but angry gesture. 

"With this." He kissed me gently on the lips.

I wrapped the blanket tighter around us and I pressed my forehead against his. We stayed like that for a second. I sighed. "I know what you mean. But I don't have to like it."

I could feel his lips smiling. That's how close we were.

"It's just three weeks."

"Yeah. I guess."

He checked the clock. "We'd better get you home."

I blew air from my lips. I really was scared of that, but I tried to be nonchalant about that. I would get to see Toby tonight.

"Yeah, I guess."

---

He walked me back, and he let me go about a block from my apartment. I would't have to go to the brick building tonight. Tonight was my day off.

Tonight, Toby was getting out.

I climbed the ten flights of stairs. I had to take two breaks, once on the fifth floor, and once on the eighth. I felt so weak, and it hurt to breathe too fast. It hurt my raw throat, where Chris/Stanley had choked me.

I thought about the bruises in that polaroid. The thought brought me savage pleasure.

Out of breath and tired, I slid my apartment key into the slot and opened the door.

It was four. The kids were still in the local after-school program. Ben was at his Economics class. Lisse was over in Rosa's room. The apartment was blessedly quiet. It seemed so large when no one was here.

I sat down with a soft sigh on the couch. I would sleep here tonight. Toby would get the big bed. That way I wouldn't disturb anyone by coming in at three in the morning. I had fifteen days left, starting tomorrow. Starting tomorrow, Drake had twenty.

So starting tomorrow, I had twenty-one days left until I could be with my boyfriend.

It still felt strange to think of him like that in my mind. It was like a mouth-sore. I couldn't leave it alone. I kept touching it. Kept going back to it. Coming back to the idea and rubbing it raw.

I went to the room and folded up Drake's clothes. I hid them at the bottom of my drawer and changed into some of my clothes. I went back to the couch and curled up hugging a cushion. The cushion had a dull brown spot on it where Celia had gotten a nosebleed. The cushion was soft, and it smelled familiar.

I closed my eyes.

---

"Shh... careful... one sec."

What?

Before I had a chance to stir, or even get my bearings, somebody jumped on me, shaking me and whooping at the top of their lungs.

I yelped with real pain. My bruises burned and throbbed. I flinched and flailed at my attacker.

Suddenly my attacker had me in a bear hug. I was squashed against his hard chest. I finally woke up all the way.

"Toby!" I yelled. He had already lifted me off of the couch and I hugged him with my arms, propping my knees on the couch. I felt tears, hot and stinging at the corner of my eyes, falling even though my lids were closed. I made a sound that was half sob and half laugh.

He squeezed me extra hard and let go. Ben was still at the door and Celia was bouncing around the living room. Lisse was back in her playpen, laughing and trying to get out. Calvin was nowhere to be seen.

Ben was frowning slightly. "When I got home you were so tired that you wouldn't wake up. So we went to county without you."

I could tell that Ben was about to ask, but Toby asked first, frowning and touching the gauze pad on my chin. "What happened?"

I shook my head. "Nothing, it was an accident. Why are we here when we could be celebrating!" I felt so happy that my worries had been brushed away, at least for now. Toby was back!

Toby shook his head. He scratched his chin, and I noticed that he had about a week's worth of stubble. Nah, being home is all the celebrating I need. Besides, look what we picked up on the way back.

Calvin walked in the door carrying buckets of chicken from KFC, Toby's favorite restaurant. He was tired, but smiling. I glanced at him, trying to make sense of the image in my head. Calvin hated Toby. Calvin always acted like he hated Toby. But he had a huge grin on his face. It wasn't just from the chicken.

Celia cleared the table, setting out paper plates and forks. The sink was filled with dirty dishes. I numbly set up the food, the smile on my face was so big that it hurt. I couldn't stop. Ben was filling in Toby about his classes and I was happy just to listen. To hear my big brother's voice again. Toby was back. Nothing else seemed to matter.

---

The KFC had been reduced to traces of gravy, crumbs of cornbread, and greasy blackened chicken bones. I went to the sink to wash my hands, keeping my ears open. Toby was telling a funny story about an obsessively clean inmate. Everyone was laughing. They all sounded so happy, so normal.

I opened the cupboards to see if we had any desserts of any kind. We had three Twinkies left. I brought them out.

Ben grabbed one. Toby smacked his hand and teased. "Can't you do the math?"

He opened each container. I noticed that his knuckles were pink and scarred. How did that happen? He took an untouched plastic knife and sliced each one in half. Everybody got half of one. He was just cutting junk food in half. But it felt sacred somehow. Like a communion. No one complained about getting half. Nobody argued over getting a bigger piece. They just accepted it. And nobody (except Lisse, who started gnawing on it immediately) took a bite until Toby was done and he took a bite out of his.

Best Twinkie of my life.

We finished, and we all stayed to clean up the mess. Nobody ditched, nobody tried to shrug out of it. I almost felt like crying. Things were going to be good now.

Toby was getting ready to make an announcement. We all shut up. I could hear Lisse playing with her toys in the playpen.

"Listen, that meal out was the last expenditure that we're going to make unnecessarily. I know that we're in trouble as far as funds. I'm going to make sure that we can fix that. I'm going to get a job, and we're going to pay off mom's bills. Once everything is paid off, we're gonna buy better food. Fruit and veggies and meat and things. Things are going to get better."

The cold feeling was back in my stomach.




Eyes Like Winona Ch. 07



Mom's hospital bills.

The ones that I had nearly finished paying off.

The ones I had paid with money that shouldn't exist.

"Neil, are you okay?"

I smiled.  "I think I ate too much."

His eyes were kind and worried. "I know you're worried about the bills. You've been doing way too much for a kid your age. I'm gonna get you into some GED classes next semester. You can catch up. You don't gotta be the man of the house anymore. I'm here."

I laughed softly. "Ben's the man of the house. He's the one that's gonna pay the bills when he gets a real job."

Toby laughed. He lowered his voice slightly, so Ben wouldn't hear. "Ben wasn't the one who kept this family together."

I sighed and hugged my big brother.

"I'm here now. I'm going to take care of everything now."

Yeah.

He was here now. And he was going to be impossible to fool. I faked a smile, and felt my food stir uneasily in my stomach. 



Eyes Like Winona Ch. 08



*I'm taking eighteen credits this semester.

That's not an excuse, seeing as the procrastination started this summer, but studying was part of the reason this installment was so late. I hope I'm not getting a reputation, but on several of my stories now, I have taken way WAY too long to finish things up. :(

I just want to tell you all one thing.

I work hard on a lot of story ideas, and some of them, great and exciting as I find them, I just can't finish. The point where I realize I just can't finish always comes pretty early in the writing. By the time I have committed to a piece, I make sure that I will be able to finish.

I just want to promise you. That no matter what, no matter how busy I am, or how long the writer's block lasts... I can assure you that I will ALWAYS finish what I started. Even if it takes me more than six months. (sorry)

With all of that said, please enjoy the last installment of Eyes Like Winona. I apologize for not having sex between the main characters until the last chapter. I think of that as a sign of bad erotica, and I will do my best not to have that in future stories.

All Characters are 18+

*

I think that Toby's job search was the only reason he didn't find out sooner.

It was as if he didn't want to change how we spent money until he was making his own.

From ten in the morning to dinnertime, and then from after dinner to midnight, he was gone. Hoofing it from one side of the city to the other. Asking about jobs in places that allowed convicts. He was searching so hard. If he had been looking for just any job, he would have gotten one in three days, I'm sure.

But he wasn't looking for a part-time job or a shit fast-food job. He wanted to earn more than minimum wage.

Even so. It took him twelve days to get a job. The roofing job that Mr. Browning had told me about. Twelve days to get through the interview process and to work for a week without pay. The week without pay was so that his boss would know that he was trustworthy, a hard worker.

On the thirteenth day. His first day working for pay, he looked up our financial records.

---

My jaw hurt.

Ferdinand hadn't been lying when he said that he would find us customers. It seemed like there was always someone waiting. Drake and I barely got to talk at all.

I checked my watch. It was a cheap twenty-buck digital that I had picked up somewhere. It was almost three. About ten minutes left. I would probably be expected to take another guy int he remaining time. But I hoped that I didn't have to.

I gathered the two twenties from my last client and walked outside. I shivered. It was only october, but it was unseasonably cold. I had two days. Drake had seven. The days went by so slow.

I minced over to Ferdinand's car, and I smelled the orangey tang of his newest cigarettes. He glanced at me as I gave him the money.

"The tests came back from the doctor. No STD's."

I felt this massive rush of something breaking loose. This pervasive fear that had hung over my head like a black cloud pregnant with rain. I smiled weakly, feeling wobbly with relief.

"You have come in your hair." He said softly.

I touched the top of my head, and I felt the sticky wetness. I felt ashamed, but I tried not to react. I just mumbled "Sorry."

He sighed. "You're done for the night. Take a shower in your beau's room, and get home safe."

"Thank you sir." I whispered.

---

Drake had a towel around his waist. His hair was matted and dark. He had pale violet shadows under his eyes. He smiled, but his eyes looked so tired.

"Come in."

I walked in and breathed deeply. The room smelled nice. Not like sex or sweat or the rank body odor that I had grown to hate.

I dropped my shorts and slid out of my tank top. The bruises were faded. Ugly yellow blotches went down my back like fractal patterns. It still hurt though. I was almost out of the pain pills.

I went into the shower, and I stood under the spray, sighing at the feeling of being washed. Of being clean. I rinsed my hair until my scalp hurt, wanting to get every trace of semen out of my hair.

When I came out, Drake was in street clothes, yawning.

"You don't have to." I murmured. "You're exhausted."

He shook his head. "I'm not letting you walk home alone. Come on, I'm tired." He sounded cranky. I pulled my sweatpants and a hoodie over my skimpy clothes. We went out on the street together.

Since that night, he never let me walk home alone.

As we walked, I could sense him relaxing. It was that time of night when the city slept. Even the bars and strip clubs were closed. The only people we saw were two homeless women and two drunks stumbling home.

Between two circles of light thrown by the dull yellow sodium-arcs, Drake grabbed my hand. I twined my fingers into his. His hand was long and cool.

We walked in silence, holding hands under cover of darkness.

"Seven days?" I murmured.

"Eight, please. You know how tired I am." He gave me a little push and I laughed. I pushed him back.

After wrestling a little, we went back to walking hand in hand. I could feel my spent cock aching. I had taken three blowjobs through the night, but wrestling with Drake did more for me than the mouths of strange men ever could.

I hesitated near our usual parting spot. We usually split here, a block away from my apartment. We both flinched when we heard breaking glass.

"I'm gonna walk you a little further Neil... I don't want to let you off here."

My stomach flip-flopped a little. "I don't want you to walk home alone either. I wish I had a phone... Then you could text me, and I would know if you got home safe."

"Yeah. Me, too. But don't worry about me. I wont let anything happen to me. Not now."

I was still scared for him, but that would have to do. He walked me to the door of my building.

I gave the streetlight a scathing look. It was too exposed here, too bright. I let my hand slip out of his, and I turned to face him.

"I love you." I whispered, feeling like gravity was dragging me towards him, but I had to move away.

Then he reached out and took fistfuls of the front of my hoodie. I nearly tripped, but at the same time my feet barely touched the ground. In a movement that was rough and giddy, he pulled me to the side, and pressed me against the brick wall.

Under the yellow lights, next to the doorway. In the dark, in front of anyone who wanted to see. In front of the few people that were left. He pressed his lips against mine, he pressed his body to mine. I gasped and thrust back, pressing against him with such force that my lips felt crushed and my skin trembled with the effort.

I could feel his cock against me.

He broke the kiss. I let my head rest against the dull red bricks, panting, and licking my crushed lips.

"You're evil." I whispered breathlessly. I straightened my clothes as he laughed very quietly. He kissed my sore lips very quickly. I looked around, terrified that someone would see.

"I love you, too." He smirked.

"Eight days, mister." I whispered. My face was hot. I walked into the building feeling like my fluttery stomach would raise my toes above the ground.

I ran right into Toby.

My first reaction was to glance back. Drake was out of sight. I frantically tried to judge time and distance, trying to think if Toby could have seen us. I felt a massive wave of panic and guilt. It crushed my ability to think.

He looked down at me and his face was distracted and his brow was furrowed. "Oh, Neil, there you are. I was looking for you. Come upstairs quick.

He turned on his heel and I stumbled behind. Adrenaline had my pulse throbbing jaggedly and I could feel beads of sweat on my cool skin. That had been too close. Way too close.

But I wasn't out of the woods yet.

---

"Where were you just now?"

I shifted slightly. "Out with my friends. I don't really get to see them during the day."

He narrowed his eyes slightly. But that was the end of his questioning. A single question. He abruptly got up and went to his room. The room that he shared with my brother Ben. He had deep circles around his eyes and he looked exhausted. He had stayed up waiting for me, and only asked one question.

I was scared.

I followed him to the bedroom. "Toby?" I whispered. Everyone was sleeping, and the walls were paper-thin.

He turned around. "Are you in trouble?" He hissed. His eyes looked like they were burning in his sockets. "Ben has no fucking clue where the money came from, so that leaves you."

My stomach twisted and jived. I felt like I was going to be very sick very soon. I let my eyes go wider. I tried to jilt my voice into a cadence of confusion and ignorance. "What? What are you talking about."

His eyes narrowed. "Nothing."

He closed the door in my face. So loud that in the twins' room, Lisse started to cry.

I walked in and picked her up. I shushed the heavy toddler while Calvin's sleepy voice came from the bunk. "Whass goin' on?"

"Nothing." I whispered. "Toby's tired."

So was I. But it was a long time before I was able to sleep.

---

I knew how angry he was. But I still had two nights to work. I prayed that I would be done in two nights. I felt so raw, so nervous and electrified and scared during the whole day. It was exhausting. By the time I finished blowing Mr. Browning, I felt like I wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. I just felt bleary and unsexy and exhausted. I hadn't even started my evening.

I expected a confrontation, so after running home, paying Rosa and taking a shower, I went straight to Drake's place. It was about six, but I didn't care. I just didn't want to be in the house. I had a dim hope. That I could go to both of my remaining days and be done. Stay at home. Maybe Toby would just quit, and be happy at our good fortune.

Maybe.

The more I thought about it, the less likely it seemed.

---

"You're so tense. Just lie down."

I sighed. "You aren't going to tease me, are you?"

"No. Just gonna get some of those knots out of your shoulders. You're so tense, and this is the only PG way I know how to get you to relax."

I sighed and leaned on his shoulder. "Seven days."

He laughed, and pushed me. "Eight days. I want a chance to relax, mister bossy."

When he pushed me, I went limp and flopped on my stomach on the bed. Drake grabbed my ankles so I was lying down flat on my stomach. I didn't help him take off my shirt at all. I stayed limp, forcing him to work a little.

He tickled me under my arms, to punish me. I giggled and lifted my arms so he could take it off.

I closed my eyes, and moaned when he put his bare hands on my bare back. Then I yelped.

"What are you doing!" I squealed, as he dug his thumbs deep into the large muscle above my shoulder blades.

"Think of it as a shiatzu massage." He grunted, between digging his fingers deep into my skin. "It will feel great when it's over."

I bit the pillow, half-laughing and half-grunting with shock and pressure. He dug his fingers in, in rough little circular motions from the base of my neck to just above the waistband of my jeans. Under my arms, the sides of my neck, everywhere.

He sat back on his heels, and I tentatively moved. I expected to be bruised to hell by that rough once-over, but I was shocked to move and feel, great.

"Damn." I whispered.

He laughed, and hugged me from behind. He kissed my shoulder. I felt the wanting. It was a sweet heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach, at the base of my groin. In my fingertips and eyelids and the insides of my lips. I wanted to touch him everywhere. Know him in every way that it was possible.

But I had his exact fear. I didn't want to mix this. This beautiful untainted feeling that I had with him. I didn't want to associate it with the men I saw every night.

I let him nuzzle me for another moment before pulling away and grabbing at my shirt.

"Eight days." I conceded.

"Eight days." He whispered.

The melancholy was gone in a shake of his head. He grabbed his guitar and started strumming. He started to hum the first low notes of 'Swing Life Away', by Rise Against.

I sang along.

---

I only had fifteen seconds.

When it was eight, Drake and I changed into our street clothes. Him into a red mesh shirt and tiny spandex shorts. Me into jeans cutoffs and a white shirt that I had cut so it showed my stomach. The rag barely covered my chest. I crossed my arms as I walked out into the streetlight, into the cold.

My foot hit the sidewalk.

I looked over, and I saw Jose walking towards us. Kirk was sitting on the sidewalk.

I looked around.

I saw Ferdinand's black car sitting like a low-slung reptile just out of the streetlight. I could see a tiny red ember glowing in the corner of my eye.

I jumped a little as Drake put his arm around my waist. It was just the kind of easy gesture that he was always doing. He pulled me closer so we were standing hip-to-hip, and he kissed my ear.

A car pulled up. A red car that seemed slightly familiar. Just enough to set off a single small warning light in my skull. It squealed to a stop in front of us.

I tensed. The person inside was drunk or violent. I could hear Ferdinand's door open. He was ready for trouble.

Toby boiled out of the driver's seat. The car's headlights were still on. I recognized it as Rosa's car in a dim distant part of my mind, as the rest of my mind screamed and went alive with panic.

I walked numbly to meet him. Tearing free of Drake's embrace. I took three steps before he met me. Before my face collided with the flat of his hand.

My knees went weak. I nearly fell. I didn't really feel pain. Just a tremendous heat, and tears were streaming from my eyes.

"Toby." I mumbled. I looked up blearily, and I saw Ferdinand out of his car, walking towards us with burning eyes. I saw Drake behind me, running to help. I had less than a moment.

"Ferdinand, Drake!" I called, turning to meet them. "I'm okay. I'll be back in a second. J-Just... Just give me a s-sec--"

Ferdinand was glowering. Drake was inching closer, glaring at my brother warily, like Toby was a snake. "Listen mister, you don't know what's going on, so calm down and--"

"Shut up faggot." Toby snarled. He grabbed my wrist. His grip was so tight I could feel the bones in my wrist creaking. He didn't speak to me. He didn't look at me. The only way he was interacting with me was his painfully tight grasp on my wrist.

"I'll be fine." I mumbled. Not sure who I was talking to.

He yanked me back to the car and he looked like he wanted to shove me in, but he only let go of my hand. I crawled in the seat, touching the side of my face, knowing that I had a handprint as clear as day. I could taste blood. I had cut the inside of my mouth on my teeth.

Drake was hovering a few feet away. In his tiny clothes, he looked long and gawky and scared. I tried to smile. I could feel Toby getting into the car. I tried not to show how scared I was. How serious this was.

The tires squealed. I could smell the hot dull reek of burning rubber, and my hands flew to secure my seatbelt. I held onto the armrests and tried to settle my stomach. Toby was hunched over the steering wheel, silent. I couldn't read his face. I couldn't read how much trouble I was in.

"Toby?" I whispered.

Then I cried out as the rubber squealed again. He turned viciously into a parking lot. An Italian restaurant. He parked and closed his eyes. I felt my thighs trembling. Sweat was beading on my lower back. All of my muscles felt weak and stretched. Like old rubber.

"Explain yourself." His voice was small and quiet. But I could see his hands clenched into fists. The bright hot pain in my cheek had faded to a dull swollen sting.

"I didn't want to." I whispered. The tears were trying to come up, but I forced them down. The AC was on in the car, and I was cold. I was trembling from the cold, and all of my worn-out muscles were shaking with exhaustion.

"I didn't want to do it. I... I had to."

I flinched when he slammed his hands on the wheel. It was the kind of motion that might have been comical if I wasn't so fucking scared. He slammed the heels of his hands into the wheel so hard and so fast and so many times that when he was finally done, he cradled his hands together. He had bruised them.

I was cringing in the front seat. My breath reduced to a terrified whisper in the back of my throat.

"I wish it had been drugs." He whispered. His voice was heavy with disgust. I wilted under the disapproval.

"I h-had to." I mumbled. "Calvin... Calvin b-broke his arm. We had all those bills and... And we n-needed the money."

"And did you need to let that faggot rub all over you? Did you need to do that?"

I started to cry. "Toby... Please Toby, you're scaring me so bad right n-now."

He leaned forward in a sudden violent movement that made me flinch against the inside of the car door. He was taking off his sweatshirt. He flung it at me.

"Cover up." He muttered. "We're going to figure this out. We wont say anything to Ben and the kids. Lets go home and forget all about this."

His face was getting less tense, he was relaxing. "Things were bad when I was gone. But now I'm here. We'll just go home. This will be gone. This will be done and forgotten. We're going to get our lives straight Neil... Everything is better now."

I already felt sick and scared, but for the first time, I felt anger. Small and smothered, but deep in the pit of my stomach there was a resentful ember of heat. He had wished that I was on drugs. He was more worried that Drake had been touching me than I was a prostitute. He put the key in the ignition and I felt that anger get smothered with a huge fear.

I hated to speak, but I had to. My lips felt numb, and I had to repeat myself so I could be heard.

"I can't go home yet."

He looked me in the eyes for the first time. "Why?" His hands tightened on the wheel again. I cringed.

"I h-have to. I have two days left on my contract." There hadn't been a contract, but that way it sounded official. I broke down only a moment after I spoke. "Please Toby, I can get in so much trouble."

"How much."

"Wh-What?"

He slammed the steering wheel again and I let out a little frightened groan. "How much money do we have to pay them? You're not going back there. I'm not going to let you.

My stomach felt very sick. "Too much Toby, w-we can't pay it off. Please T-Toby... He'll break-- He'll hurt me if I don't come back. He can. He's done it b-before."

He whirled. "What did that fuck do to you." He grabbed my upper arms and shook me. His fingers were digging into my arms. The back of my head smashed into the window and I heard a crack. 

He immediately let go and I cowered, one hand cupping the back of my head and the other going around my knees as I moaned weakly. I could feel blood in my hair. 

"Neil!" He gasped, he tried to reach out to me, to see the damage. But by then I was curled into a tiny ball on the seat, gasping and crying, cradling my head in my arms. I saw him slowly withdraw his arms out of the corner of my eye. I saw the confused look on his face that kept changing between fury and concern and a frustration so huge it was tearing him apart.

He spat it out. "You can come back when you're done with your contract."

I didn't understand what he was saying. I looked up and he was gripping the steering wheel tight. He glared at me and I shrank against the inside of the door. "Go back to your pimp. Finish up your whoring."

"Get out!" He snarled. He wasn't my brother anymore. He was so full of hate. I fumbled with the seatbelt. My hands were so numb. He finally reached over and depressed the button, yanking the seatbelt off of me.

I got out of the car. I turned around to say something, but before I could think of a single sound to make, he was squealing out of the parking lot. I heard a car honking at him. Then the squalling tires moved further away.




Eyes Like Winona Ch. 08



I stood there in the parking lot of the Italian restaurant. Wearing tiny shorts and his baggy sweatshirt. Feeling blood ooze from the cut on the back of my head, feeling my face sting from the bruise and the tears.

---

It took me twelve minutes to walk back to the apartment building. When I got there, Drake ran up in an instant. His fingers, light and dry, caressed my cheek.

"Neil... Look at me."

I moved closer so I was inside the circle of his arms. I let him tilt up my chin so I was looking into his bottomless eyes. He kissed my forehead and brought his hand up through my hair.

"Ow."

"Neil, you're bleeding!"

I heard a car pull up and I flinched, burying my face into Drake's flat hard chest. I didn't want to face the world. Not one bit of it.

"It's Ferdinand... He needs to talk to you."

I nodded, but I held on for an extra moment, drawing strength from him.

When I broke away, I saw Ferdinand's car by the curb. I moved and stepped into the back seat. I was embraced by the smell of cherry smoke. It was so warm in the car that I felt beads of sweat oozing between my shoulder blades, and at my hairline.

I stared at my knees. Smelling the sweet smoke and blinking tears from my eyes. My body felt numb.

"Are we going to have a problem?"

Ferdinand's voice was soft and deadly. I shook my head. "He wont come here again. I can work... I'm sorry."

After a moment he sighed. "You were gone for almost half an hour. You can take ten minutes to clean yourself up, but after that I expect you to work."

I nodded. "Thank you sir."

---

I had some deja vu.

I was leaning over the sink, and Drake was very gently soaping my hair, cleaning the cut on the back of my head. It reminded me of the night I had spent with Chris/Stanley and Benji/Tio. Afterwards, when Drake had washed the come out of my hair.

I flinched, and his hands paused. He rubbed my back with one hand. I tried to hold everything back, and I mostly succeeded. The flood didn't come, but some of it trickled through my defenses.

I felt my mouth trembling as I tried to hold it back. All that came out was a small whimper. A low sound that drew out. I sounded like an animal in pain.

Drake moved behind me, and hugged me, his head resting between my shoulderblades. His crotch was against my ass, but I couldn't feel anything. I was kind of glad. I had never felt less sexual in my life.

I let him hold me. I closed my eyes and it took all that I had to hold the flood back and breathe.

Breathe.

I could feel the rise and fall of Drake's chest. The slow warm trickle of metallic water through my hair. The way the muscles in my thighs and upper arms trembled. His fingertips on my shoulder, kneading softly.

Breathe.

I could feel his breath through my thin shirt. Feel even his eyelashes as he blinked. He kissed my shoulder very gently. "I'm here." He murmured. With that, I felt some of the tension, some of the hot sick fear and sharp loneliness... I felt it, and then I felt it leaving me.

Breathe.

---

For the second time now, I was sleeping over here with Drake. Several of the men had asked me about the bruise on my cheek. They had been concerned. They all thought it was either Ferdinand or another customer. I was actually kind of touched.

But now they were all gone home. I had one night left, and then I was supposed to do something about Toby. Something about Drake. Something about my life. Just thinking about it made me feel nauseous all over again.

I gingerly tussled my hair with the towel. My skin was hot and damp from the shower, but the back of my head was raw and tender.

The sound of water drumming against the glass went quiet. Drake took short showers.

I pulled some boxers on, and finished drying my hair so I could toss him the towel. He only had two. He snatched it from the air with one hand.

I could see his dark pubic hair, wet from the shower, a dark tuft of hair framing the base of his limp cock. He briskly rubbed his groin with the towel before wrapping it around his waist and coming to sit on the bed.

"Can I see?" He asked quietly.

I leaned over a bit, and I felt his fingers gently parting my hair.

"It looks a little better... Not so swollen."

I was looking down at his lap. His knees were covered with curls of dark hair. I could see the outline of his cock through the damp towel.

"Hey..." He put his fingers under my chin and tilted my head up. He was smiling. I looked into those deep dark eyes that had drawn me in in the first place.

"My eyes are up here...pig." He murmured.

I couldn't help but laugh a little. He kissed me, and I wanted to do nothing more than just melt into his arms. I wanted to feel him, feel his mouth and hands all over me. His tongue was gently probing at my lips, and I let it come in, sucking on it very gently, teasing it. I groaned softly with pure frustration.

"Not fair." I muttered

He sighed and broke the kiss. "Yeah... I just want you so bad it drives me crazy." He kissed the tip of my nose. "Soon, though. Real soon."

The promise barely consoled me. So much was wrong. I couldn't even do more than cuddle with my boyfriend.

I hugged Drake very tight. I could feel tears squeezing out from under my lids. I was scared. I didn't want to be taken away from Drake. I didn't want to go home.

"Neil?"

"Hm?"

"I don't think you can go back. Not after this." I could feel his fingertips very lightly touching the hair on the back of my head. Not even touching the skin, for fear of hurting the swollen cut.

"Wh... What do you mean?" I felt like he had somehow read my mind.

He gently pulled back a little. "He hurt you. He hurt you really bad."

I felt weak excuses crowding in the back of my throat. I felt a hurt knowing feeling in the pit of my stomach. I swallowed the bitterness, and nodded, feeling my eyes sting.

"What about my family?" I knew the answer, deep down, but I needed to hear it, and the other options.

"You can't live there, not when he treats you like this. They have him now."

I shook my head. "That wont be enough. We still need so much, Ben is almost through college..."

I slumped down to the bed, on my stomach with my head cradled in my arms. My head hurt. Not just the cut, but the center behind my eyes, I could feel a headache coming on. A real thunder-humper. As Toby would call it.

"I just don't even want to think about it anymore." I whispered.

I could feel Drake pulling the covers from under me. I let them slide. He tucked them in around me, and turned off the lights.

I felt him slide in with me. I could feel the pajama pants he had donned.

"Don't think about it for now." He whispered. "But I'm here. And I wont let you get hurt."

I shivered, the covers weren't imbued with body heat yet. I snuggled closer to him.

"Kay." I whispered, burying my head.

---

It was strange going to work from this apartment.

Drake was still asleep. I quietly got ready, brushing my teeth with my finger. I wore my street clothes from the night before. I had a uniform for my factory job in a locker.

I left a small note on the mirror for Drake.

---

I snuck back to my apartment at twelve. When I got in, I heard Rosa singing softly in Spanish to Lisse.

"Hey Neil... I didn't expect you back at this time of day. Coming home at five?"

I mumbled some answer and paid her in advance for the week ahead. Lisse started to cry, and Rosa went to comfort her.

While Rosa was gone, I threw belongings into a duffel bag. I felt like a stranger in my own home.

I hesitated before scribbling a note on a piece of paper.

'I'm living away for a while. You'll still get the money from the factory. I'll call. I'm sorry.'

I signed my name, and left it on my bed. After an agonizing moment of indecision, feeling stupid and childish, I also grabbed my blankie. Here I was, almost nineteen and still sleeping with one.

I grabbed some toiletries and got out, mumbling a goodbye to Rosa. Before I left, I picked up Lisse. She wasn't old enough to know what was going wrong. Not old enough to understand why I had to leave. She just clapped her hands and tried to play pat-a-cake. When I gave her back to Rosa, her face screwed up and she started to cry. Her voice cut at my heart.

"Neiw! Cake! Cake!"

"I'll play cake later." I whispered, trying to hold back the tide.

I finally got out, and I felt empty, scraped completely hollow. I cried a little on my way to Browning's store, but only a little. Mostly I felt too numb to cry.

---

I drew a line in the sand with Browning. He started to go to the back room, but I just shook my head.

"Mr. Browning? I would like to get my paycheck every month please. Not sent to my account. Is that okay?"

He looked faintly hurt, but he nodded. I felt absurdly apologetic. I had been sucking off this man for the greater part of two years. At a fantastic deal, mind. A few extra groceries per week was cheap for all of the head I had given him. But I still felt like apologizing.

I managed to suppress the inane urge.

Barely.

---

I called the cheap family cell phone at a pay phone on my way back to Drake's apartment. Toby answered on the first ring.

"Neil, is that you? What's going on?"

I heard the guilt and torment in his voice, but that was an undertone. His voice was stern to the point of harshness.

"I... I'm staying away for a while." My voice cracked with fear. My hands felt weak and trembly clutching the phone.

"You're done with your... business--" He spat the word. "--after tonight. You're coming home tomorrow."

"No, Toby, I'm not. I'm staying here with Drake." Someone had replaced my stomach with a bag of loose queasy jelly. I felt sour vomit wanting to come up. My body was having a physical revulsion to my words.

"Drake? You're pimp! What the fuck is wrong with you? You want to do this?" The rage was building up behind his words, building at a sharp curve.

"Drake is not my pimp. I'm done with my business tonight Toby. Drake is my boyfriend."

There. It was out. I felt somehow better. I didn't have a moment to think about it, because he had a retort half a second after the words left my lips.

"You don't know what you're saying." The words were soft, but the breath exploded around them.

I leaned against the thin metal wall that made a shallow booth around the phone. I felt like my legs had lost all of their strength.

Dead silence. I couldn't even hear him breathe.

"Don't come and get me." I whispered. My voice finally broke. "I don't want to get hit again."

Painful silence. Then... "Neil." His voice sounded soft and broken and still filled with anger. "That... I didn't mean that. It wont happen again."

"I've heard it before Toby." I whispered. "You said it wouldn't happen again after you killed him. You killed him so he'd stop fucking me and so he'd stop hitting me. You're hitting me now. You want to fuck me too? Huh, Toby? Why not have a go?"

I heard a mechanical female voice telling me to deposit more quarters.

"I'll call you later." I mumbled.

I walked home. To Drake's apartment. This was my last night.

---

I felt stupid when I was walking up to the building. It was six in the afternoon and I had no idea if he would be in or not. I didn't have a key... So if he wasn't here I'd just have to walk around.

I felt relieved then, when he answered his buzzer at the door.

"Come in."

I walked in. The hall was so narrow that I had to brush up against the wall to let a middle-aged black woman walk past me.

I pushed open the door.

Drake was sitting cross-legged on the bed. He had a open textbook by his knee and a tiny black laptop in his lap. Earbuds in his ears and he was studiously tapping at the keys.

I had never seen him studying before. That look of concentration in his eyes was so intense. It was kind of cute.

I crawled onto the bed behind him and rubbed his upper back with my hands. I rested my hands on his shoulders and massaged.

"Hmm..." He moaned, leaning back into it. I kissed his ear, sighing softly. This was nice. This was really nice.

"How was your day, Neil?"

"I talked to Toby on the phone. I told him that I needed to stay away for a while. I... I'm not sure if he's gonna listen." My voice broke a little near the end.

He held onto my hand, where it was resting on his shoulder. "Come here."

I hugged him tightly from behind. He caressed my hair, kissed me on the cheek. "We'll get through this, Neil. We will."

I sighed and flopped back on the bed, wiping my eyes. Drake put away his notes and snuggled next to me. We were facing each other on our sides. He kissed me very gently. "Tell me everything."

"I... I snuck in to get all of my stuff earlier. I left a note. Later I called Toby... and he was so angry. He wants me to come back, and we'll never talk about it again."

Drake moved closer, so our foreheads were touching. "And?"

"And I told him no. I don't want to hide from him my whole life. I love him... I love all of them. But I don't want to lose you either."

He kissed me on the nose. "I was so worried... That you'd choose them instead of me. But at the same time, I don't want to take you away from them. Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Absolutely sure."

And that was the truth. It's just that the truth hurt.

"Six more days?" I asked quietly.

"Yup." He murmured, giving me a tight hug.

---

It was my last night, and I was surprised by how many people showed up. There were times when people were waiting for me to be through, just so they could buy my services.

"I had no idea I was so popular." I whispered, harried, to Drake during one of my few breaks. 

He put an arm around me as another familiar car pulled up. "You're really fuckin' cute. That's why. But after tonight, nobody's gonna touch you but me."

I giggled at his gruff possessiveness. He was joking, but only a little. I knew it bothered him that we both had our obligations. I couldn't wait until the day when we were done for good. When our bodies only belonged to each other.

Then one of my customers pulled up, and I had to put a shit-eating grin on my face and take him back.

---

A new boy showed up tonight. A friend of Kirk's. The kid was short and sturdy, not fat, but stocky. He had brown hair and nervous eyes. He didn't really talk to me, but he showed up, went into a room with an older man, and left with his money shortly after.

The kid didn't talk to me at all, but I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. That had been me. He had been me. I wondered what he would do with this. With this bizarre cruel opportunity.

Before he left he glared at me. "Shake your head faggot, your eyes are stuck." His voice sounded thick, and his eyes looked red, like he had been crying. I didn't dislike him for his cruel words. I only hoped the best for him.

I didn't know why he was here.

---

My lips were wrapped around a fat cock. Short, but fat. The time was 3:03 am, and this was my last cock. My last cock that didn't belong to Drake.

The guy was small, nervous. He reminded me a bit of Steve Buscemi. The face was more normal-looking, but he just was small, and had the same kind of nervous energy. He also had the same crazy teeth.

"Fuck, fuck, ah fuck." The man hadn't shut up the entire time I was between his legs.

I caressed his long low-hanging ballsack in my hands, partially to keep it from swinging back and forth. It was so long that it had been whacking me in the chin. He was standing and thrusting his skinny hips while I was on my knees.

He suddenly let go of my hair and was stroking it really fast. I closed my eyes just in time as his come splattered all over my face. I took a deep breath and started to get up.

"Hey, hey, kid wait. Wait." I looked up at him. He was pulling up his pants. "Can I get a picture of your face like that? All covered up... I'll give you an extra twenty...

"Sure." I mumbled. I hated that. But twenty bucks... I couldn't turn that down. I had been working my ass off here, but I had almost nothing to show for it. All of my money had been towards my family bills. I had only kept my proceeds for the last two nights. All together, it would be about twelve hundred bucks. A good start, but rent would eat that up quick.

Our rent. Mine and Drake's rent. He had been apartment hunting, and he wanted to take me to see the final three options tomorrow.

He finished taking the photos on his phone, and I got up to wash my face at the sink. He paid me sixty bucks. Only twenty of it would have to go to Ferdinand.

Ferdinand was smoking something I couldn't recognize. That was unusual. I had made a game of guessing the flavor.

"Last one, huh. How does it feel, Ryan?"

"Feels good." I whispered.

"Well, that new kid looks promising. Small repayment for losing you both, but he'll shape up nice. Pleasure doing business with you."

I shook hands with him that one last time. Despite the fear, despite the fact that he was my pimp, he had done so much for me. He had given me this job. He had protected me, taken me to the doctor.

"Thanks. For everything." I murmured.

He nodded, and lit up a new cigarette.

"See you around, kid." He muttered. Then he shrugged. "But probably not."

I nodded, and walked back inside.

---

I timed my schedule the next day, and I went home when Toby was working a shift, roofing an apartment complex on the other side of town. I went to grab the rest of my things, and to talk to the rest of my family.

When I opened the door, Celia was in the living room, playing with Lisse. She looked up and bounced to her feet, Lisse waddling after her. "NEIL!!!" She hugged me so tight around the waist that I could barely breathe. I saw Ben poke his head in, and Calvin walked in from the other room, his face pale and tight.

"Neil what's been going on? Toby wont say anything and you've been gone for three whole days and Ben wont make us lunch so he had a fight with Calvin and--"

"I'm moving out." I interrupted Celia, and I was very surprised at how calm my voice was. How soft and accepting.

Ben was the first one to break the speechless silence. "Neil, what on earth has been going on? We're all so worried about you."

"I'm moving out to live with my boyfriend. I'm eighteen, and you can't stop me."

I didn't expect to hear Calvin, but he was the one who talked next.

"I thought you hated it."

I glanced at him. He was looking down at his hands, picking at the skin around this thumbnails. It was a bad habit, sometimes his thumbs would bleed for minutes on end. 

"What? What did you say?"

"You told me that Toby killed my dad because my dad was hurting you. I talked to Toby about it." Calvin wiped his eyes with the pudgy back of one hand. "He said that my dad wasn't just hurting you. He said that dad... That dad did gay stuff to you. I thought you hated it. And that's why you hate my dad. And that's wh-why Toby killed him."

"I didn't want to have sex with your dad." I said quietly, feeling tears in my eyes. "I was too young for him to do anything like that to me. And it was inappropriate. I'm older now. Drake and I are adults. And it's okay."

Calvin shook his head vigorously. "No it's not. Toby said that people who do gay stuff go to hell. That it's wrong." He was choking and crying at the same time. "I... I don't want you to go to hell. Stop it! Stop doing gay stuff and come back. Everything was good, and then you had to ruin it! You made Toby be angry."

Calvin stormed away. His fumbling childish concern and anger had stabbed me deeper and harder than any insult. Celia was clinging to me, too confused to talk.

"I'm gonna get my stuff." I whispered.

I walked to my room, feeling numb. Ben and Celia followed. I felt a pang of anger when I opened the main room and saw that Toby had dug through all of my drawers, flinging my clothes everywhere.




Eyes Like Winona Ch. 08



I packed clothes into a duffel bag while Ben tried to reason with me, tell me to stay and think things through.

"I can't live here anymore." I said softly. I took Ben's hand and put it against the back of my head, so he could feel the rough scab under my hair. "Toby smashed my head into a window. I don't want to live here if he's going to hit me. I've had enough of that."

Ben was silent, shaking his head. "The only reason he hit you was because he found out what you were doing. I would have been furious too. He was getting out in a few weeks, why did you feel the need to go out and... and.."

"And what!" Celia bleated.

"Get out of here." Ben snarled.

"No Celia, stay." I stood up straight.

"You want to hear it from the horses mouth? Then everyone gets to hear it. For the last month I've been going out and fucking people for money. Happy? I did it because some stupid redneck bastard was too high-and-mighty to keep his dog on a leash and he bit Calvin. I did it because we are neck-deep in shit and since I was the only one in this goddamn house who was making money. The only one in this house who even CARED."

Calvin was in the doorway, staring at me with socketed red eyes.

"I fucked those strangers because it was the only goddamn way to get us out of this goddamn debt. We're still in goddamn debt, but now you have Toby. Toby the savior. You didn't do anything but get stoned and fuck your girlfriend when I was here, so just do the same now. Why the fuck should you be bothered with our problems when we're just putting your pampered ass through college?"

I stalked to the bathroom, grabbing whatever toiletries were mine. I loped to the kitchen and grabbed a few things in there that were mine. No one was saying anything, afraid that they would set me off. I was so close to losing it. To bursting into tears.

"I love you guys." I whispered, in a soft strained voice. "I love you all so much. But I can't fucking live like this anymore."

Before leaving, I picked up Lisse and hugged her tight, smelling her soft hair and feeling her sticky hands on my face.

Ben looked like he was going to explode. He looked guilty and ashamed, like a dog who shat on the carpet, but he still looked indignant.

I hugged Celia and Calvin. Ben let himself be stiffly hugged by me. On my way out of the door, I turned back and told them that I would visit, and that the proceeds from my factory job would still go to the family account.

As the door closed behind me, I heard Ben burst out.

"He's so... SELFISH!"

---

After that, I headed to my job with Mr. Browning. It was against his policy, but he lent me a pair of sunglasses to cover up my swollen eyes. At least until the red went away.

Drake had agreed to pick me up at work, to go to the apartments. He had narrowed it down to three, and we were going to take the bus.

At four twenty five, he was lounging outside, waiting for me to be ready. I was able to admire just how fucking beautiful he was. How he was really the only person I had left. The only one who I could really talk to.

Browning swept the floor. "You know him?"

"Yes." I kept my answer simple.

When it was time to go, I grabbed my full duffel from the storage room, ran out and hugged him as tight as I could. He kissed my hairline, and I could feel his smile against my skin.

"Missed you." He whispered.

"You have no idea." I whispered back.

---

Surprise surprise, we ended up choosing the cheapest of the apartments. The rent was seven hundred a month, plus utilities. It had a single bedroom, a kitchen, living room, and some basic furniture. It was pretty far away, but from here there was a bus line that went to and from my factory job. We would make it work.

"I have quite a bit saved up." Drake murmured. "I rationed it to pay for tuition and utilities and groceries and everything else for about two years. Of course, that was for if I was living for free, so it wont last as long now."

He shrugged. "I can take out some student loans. I'll be working as a full-time nurse in two years, and then I can help pay for us."

I snuggled up to him. The landlord was outside, letting us have a good look. I kissed him on the mouth. "I have a part-time job too. I can help." I felt guilty. "I know I have two, but part of it needs to go to my family."

"I wasn't sure what you were going to do with your finances, so I just did the math for paying it myself." He said quietly. "Any thing you can do to help I'll appreciate."

I shook my head. "I'm pulling my weight. I'm not the girl in some nineteen-fifties marriage. I pay for half the rent and utilities. We make any big purchases, I'll go half. If I can. And for groceries..."

I shrugged.

"I can always go back to that deal I had with Mr. Browning, y'know, the one where--"

He shut me up with a firm kiss on the mouth. "Don't talk crazy." He growled. "Once we're done with Ferdinand, we're done for good."

I smiled. "Yes sir."

---

I signed up for night GED courses. Refreshers on the five basic test groups, reading, writing, mathematics, science, and social sciences. It was a two-week refresher, and it cost forty bucks. It felt good to study again. I was in a classroom with all sorts of people, and they were fascinating to talk to. I was used to not getting much sleep, so GED courses and studying took up the time where I used to be whoring.

I loved Drake so much. He helped me get through so much, helping me when I was stuck on the math, snuggled me when I was feeling lonely, talked to me, sang with me, joked with me, loved me. How on earth could I have known that it was possible to feel this close to someone?

The demons that I had to fight, the cross that I had to bear was my family. I nearly had a heart attack the first time that Toby showed up.

He drove the rabbit to Drake's apartment and knocked on our door. Seeing him through the peephole nearly made me collapse with fear. It was seven in the evening, so before 'working hours' for Drake. He was in the room with me. He grabbed my shoulder and told me to calm down. We let Toby in.

Drake was good. He sat a good foot away from me on the bed, and he was dressed in baggy clothes. In a way, he was doing what he had done for me on my first night, and with Chris and Tio. He was watching over me, making sure that he was there so I didn't get hurt.

Toby's eyes were red and I could smell alcohol on his breath, but to the surprise of everyone present, this was the most civil he had been. He ignored Drake. Not acknowledging anything that he said, or looking in his direction.

Toby told me why I should come home. He promised that he would never touch me again. That we would work everything out and pay all of the debts. Ben would get out of college soon, get a job soon. He would pay to put Toby and me through college, to put us in a better apartment.

Everything would be okay.

"It's not about that anymore." I said softly. My hand was in my pocket, on the brand-new canister of pepper spray that I had bought. "I love Drake. I want to live with him. I don't want to live in the house anymore."

Toby opened his mouth, but I interrupted him. "Ben called me selfish, can you believe that?"

For a moment, a glimmer of old Toby showed through. I could see righteous indignation. His mouth opened, and I could tell that he had a caustic joke on his lips. Something about how far Ben's head was up his own ass. But the joke died.

"I did everything and more for this family." I said softly. "I'm still giving you guys more than half of what I earn. I dropped out of school for this family. I want out. I don't want to live somewhere where I know that you all hate me."

He glanced down at his hands. "It wasn't supposed to be like this." He murmured. "Everything was going so..."

He abruptly got up and left. Closing the door behind him. It was only after that that I let my trembling muscles go limp. I didn't cry, but every session there, and after, just exhausted me.

Toby came two more times in the next six days. Once more to try and convince me back. The second time to bring a few of my things that I had left, and to talk tentatively about a date for us all to go out and eat. So I could see the family again.

I hated how stiff and formal we were. Like a divorced couple talking about when we got to take care of the kids.

I told him a date that I was available, and asked if Drake was invited. He wasn't in the room with us. It was after eight, so he was in a room adjacent to us. It killed me a little inside, to imagine him with a stranger's cock up his ass. Or a stranger's cock in his mouth. I was so sick of this job. I wanted it to be over for the both of us.

Toby was very stiff, and after a few moments, he told me.

"I would prefer that you didn't bring him." Like he was a rambunctious dog, or an obnoxious friend.

My anger was weak and impotent. I said that I wouldn't bring him along, and Toby left. I took a deep shaky breath and started to study.

Drake had tonight, and one more day.

---

I was so tired that I ended up going to bed at about midnight. I always felt guilty about that. Drake had always been there for me. But I was so tired.

I was always a light sleeper, so through the fog of dreams, I heard the shower running. I dimly felt it when he slipped into the bed, quiet so he wouldn't wake me up.

I rolled over, half-asleep, to put my arm over his damp bare shoulders. "Sorry." I mumbled, barely awake.

He chuckled and kissed me. My lips felt numb with sleep. His lips were so soft.

We slept tangled together. Until I had to untangle myself in the morning to trek off to my job.

---

I went to Perkins with my family after I was done with Browning. It felt ridiculously extravagant. But it was so tasty.

Things were tense, and I could feel it, but some of the old camaraderie was back. I was able to joke and laugh with them. Talk about inconsequential topics, like school for the kids.

Celia brought it up, in an effort to be equally friendly to me.

"What does Drake do?"

It was quiet. I nervously took a bite of my chocolate-chip pancakes. "He's in college, like Ben. He's going to be a nurse. He works at McDonalds right now."

"Celia, how did that algebra test go?" Ben asked quietly.

"Guys can be nurses too?" Calvin murmured. "That's kinda weird."

"He wanted to be a doctor, but it takes too long, and too much money."

"Let's not talk about this anymore." Toby said. Firm and resolute.

For the rest of the meal, we talked about a new movie that was coming out, that the twins both badly wanted to see. We didn't talk about Drake, but all the same I felt a little better. The topic had been breached, and no one had flown into a rage. It felt like progress.

---

I went around the apartment, packing up. All of my clothes and belongings fit into a single oversized duffel bag. Drake was a bit more spread out. I unfolded a few cardboard boxes we had bought from a grocery store for a couple of bucks. Drake had divided what was okay to pack, and while he worked, I did the actual packing.

I wrapped a fan in a spare blanket and set it at the bottom. I carefully stacked books so they wouldn't shift when moved around. I put all of the wiring and electronics in a bag inside a box. In each bag, I dropped a few of the air fresheners.

I put Drake's cherished guitar into it's battered black case with the crushed purple felt on the inside. I dissembled the stand and packed that in a box. Every time I thought I was done, there was another pocket of the room that I remembered. A quick check under the bed brought me to discover a couple of dirty socks and a calculator and roughly a thousand corpses of ants that had found the little capsule of ant poison.

I looked around the room, feeling strangely lonely. Everything was packed except a change of clothes for the both of us and our toothbrushes. All of our belongings fit into four cardboard boxes and two big bags.

I unpacked my folder for the GED courses and studied for a while. Time had never seemed to pass so slow. At three, Drake would be done with this shit forever.

Despite my excitement, I got so tired. I had to wake up really early tomorrow so I could help move all of our stuff before getting to work. I wrote out a note.

'Sorry, just so tired. Congrats, I love you so much. See you in the morning. --Love, Neil.

It was corny, but I didn't care. I put it on the shower door and slid under the covers for the night.

---

I heard Drake's phone beeping and I moaned. It was only six in the morning, but moving time was now.

A very gentle shake on my shoulder. "Hup, get up lazy-boy. Time to get moving."

"Don't wanna." I moaned.

He tickled me under my ribs. I giggled and struggled awake.

"I'm going to start bringing boxes out to the car. You brush your teeth and get some clothes on. Sexy beast."

I laughed and forced myself to roll out of bed, wiggling my butt as I did. Making him reach over and smack it. He was feeling frisky this morning, and no wonder!

It was over. His job was over. He always insisted on getting his 'day of rest', but the way he was looking at me, the way he made me feel when he looked at me... I smiled to myself, and adjusted my cock in my boxers.

What would it be like? We had shied away from sex for our whole relationship. What if it was bad?

I immediately pushed that thought away. That was one thing I never had to worry about. He had been popular for a reason. I just worried about me. What if I was the problem?

I was over-thinking things. I shook my head and went to the sink to brush my teeth. I dragged a comb through my shaggy blonde hair and pulled an old t-shirt on. Faded blue, with the pepsi logo on the front.

The door opened. "You still don't have your pants on? You're really not a morning person."

"Of course... It's still dark outside, crazy-man." I pulled on some baggy jeans. It still felt a little strange to be wearing normal clothes around him.

I picked up a box and started outside. It was the box with all of the electronics in it.

I was surprised to see Kirk at the curb. He was smoking a cigarette and leaning against a blue minivan. He grinned and gave me a wave.

"'Sup? Let me help you with that."

He helped me move the box into the back seat. I thanked him for helping us move and he just shook his head.

"S'all cool bro. You and Drake got something special. It's fuckin' cute."

I flushed a little, smiling at the compliment. "I thought you were straight?"

He exhaled with a light cough. "I am. I'm just open minded. You got the genes, and if you were a girl I woulda been all over you."

"Um... Thanks?"

He laughed while I ran inside to get another box.

---

The van had three seats in the front, so I was in the middle seat between Kirk and Drake. I leaned into him, half-asleep for the twenty-minute drive across town. He played with my hair while I snuggled with him. The movement of the car was soothing. The sounds of early city were muted and the air was cold and crisp, dispelled by the warm blasts coming out of the car's vents.

"C'mon... Wake up, Babe..."

I moaned and burrowed into his chest. He laughed and helped me unbuckle my seatbelt. I crawled out of the car and looked up at the apartment building. It was a new place. My new home.

Kirk helped us move our boxes and bags inside. I didn't notice him say goodbye, but he was gone all of a sudden.

"He had to get back home for some reason." Drake muttered, when I asked. He was putting sheets on the bed. I got up behind him and hugged him.

"I have to get out to the bus stop." I murmured.

"Kay. Don't eat dinner, okay? I'll make something for us." He turned around and gave me a real kiss. He cradled my face in his hands and moved his body so it was rubbing against me. I whimpered softly and sucked on his lower lip. 

When the kiss broke I was flushed, and I had an erection.

"You're evil." I whispered. I couldn't stop the smile on my face.

He just smiled. I loved his smile. It made his big black eyes sparkle. He tossed the hair out of his eyes with a flick of his head and swatted me on the ass as I turned around.

"Have a great day at work, honey." He giggled, in a high feminine voice.

"You, too... toots."

He laughed hard enough to fall over on the bed. I just shook my head and left the apartment, unable to stop smiling.

---

I felt a little thrill that night, using my brand-new keyring. I had a key to my old home on it, my locker key for my factory job. My bike lock key from before my bike was stolen. But now there was a new key. My name was on this apartment. This was mine.

I slid the key into the dark metal slot, and turned it.

I looked around. From the door, I could see into the open doors of our bedroom. I could see the kitchen. I saw that Drake had neatly made up the bed, and unpacked all of our things. In the kitchen, I could see him. I could see my boyfriend. The man that I had fallen in love with.

He was wearing headphones, so he hadn't heard me come in. He was bobbing his head to the music, his thin back to me. I could see his white skin and beautiful shoulders. He was only wearing his jeans. He was tapping his bare toes against the linoleum with some kind of beat. I could see the little dimples above his buttocks.

I was standing there, tired and sweaty and still in my crappy blue work shirt. Looking at my sexy man. He turned his head and jumped a little, a huge smile on his face. He snatched the earbuds out and loped over.

"Hey Neil." He laughed. He put his arms around me and kissed me. "Welcome home."

I hugged him back, putting my hands on his ass and pushing him closer, so he could feel how excited he made me. "I... I should probably take a shower."

I felt his mouth smiling against my skin. He was nuzzling my neck. His breath there, his feather-soft lips made my breath ragged. Made me moan softly. "Definitely. Take a shower, but if you jerk off in there, I'll kill you. He flashed his dazzling smile at me. "I have waited too fucking long for this. When you come out, I made pasta."

Indeed he did. I peeked in the kitchen. I saw thick garlic cream sauce on the stove. There were cleaned and peeled shrimp in a colander in the sink. A big pot of noodles on the stove. My stomach rumbled just looking at it, just smelling it.

I dashed off to the shower, still unsure how I would follow his marching orders.

---

After shivering under some cold water for a bit, I carefully washed up. I paid special attention to my crotch and ass. Just that whole area. I agonized for a bit over whether or not I should shave. I had just trimmed my dark blonde pubic hair during my time working for Ferdinand. Shaving always gave me annoying red bumps.

After a moment of thought, I compromised.

After a moment of wondering how to do it, I bent over and pulled my buttocks apart with one hand. I drew the razor across the inside of my buttocks, carefully removing the crinkly hairs from around my anus.

The skin back there felt so... sensitive.

I swore softly and turned the water cold again.

---

I walked into the kitchen wearing a muscle shirt and my tight black boxers. He was walking around with his shirt off, driving me crazy. I wanted to return the favor a bit. Just a little.

He was dumping shrimp into the cream sauce. He looked up and grinned. "Finally... did you drown?"

I stuck my tongue out at him. He just waggled his in return. I sat down at the fold-out chair that still had a ragged paper sticker on the seat. The sticker said that we had bought the chairs for the extravagant price of three dollars each. The black table with the cracked faux-leather surface was five dollars.

"Found a garage sale, and we needed a table. Also got some pots and pans and stuff."

I looked through the cupboards. They had an empty feel. All of Drake's mismatched dishes fit in one shelf of one cupboard. A few shelves he had filled with groceries. I checked the fridge, which had come with the apartment. Other than milk, strawberry jam and a few condiments, it was empty.




Eyes Like Winona Ch. 08



I gasped a little when the lights went off. I wondered how on earth our electricity bill was already behind, before I heard a soft scrape of a match.

I turned around and Drake was lighting two squat purple candles and putting them in the center of the card table. He smiled at me, and the firelight made stark orange shadows on his body, made orange sparkles in his eyes.

"Now it's officially a romantic dinner." He purred.

It was delicious. He confessed that he barely knew how to cook, and he had been following a recipe online, but I didn't care. No one had ever made me dinner before. Not like this.

"It's good to feel... Pampered. Y'know?"

He nodded and twirled his fork to gather noodles and sauce. "You slaved away for them. I'll pamper you just as much as you want." He shrugged. "You've earned it."

I laughed, and nudged his feet under the table with my feet.

This was so nice, so close. With all of the lights off, the candles made a bubble of warmth, and only Drake and I were in the bubble.

Of course, the meal didn't last terribly long. We had both waited for this. We were free. We had no sexual obligations. We were finally independent. Me, in more ways than one.

We gobbled the food. And after putting our plates in the sink, and snuffing the candles, we made our way to the bedroom.

The bedroom was new and unfamiliar, but as soon as I sat on the bed, I felt the familiar texture and weight of Drake's comforters. The familiar smell.

I sat on the bed, and Drake kissed me, not touching me with his hands or his body, just leaning over me and pressing his lips against mine. I couldn't stand it, I leaned back slowly, forcing him to put his hands on the bed to support himself. I was leaning back further and further, and he was crawling over me, straddling me and kissing me.

My breath was caught in my throat. My face and body felt flushed and hot.

Drake crawled so he was all the way on the bed, I reached up and moved his hair out of his eyes, so I could see them with the faint light coming in through our window. The streetlights filtering in through the blinds. I looked up into them. The eyes that had so captivated me.

"You're so beautiful." I whispered, feeling my cheeks flush. That was something you said to a girl. It had sounded so right in my head.

I felt his laugh. He was so close, that I could hear it deep in his throat, a soft humorous sound, not more than a single sound.

"Turn over, sexy."

I moaned softly as he reached down and bit my lower lip between his teeth. He growled softly and ground his hips into mine. I could feel his cock through his jeans, feel it rubbing against my cock.

I was so turned on... But I was also nervous, and just the teeniest bit let down. He was just going to fuck me? I had wanted it to be, more special than this. I was nervous. I had only ever had bad experiences down there.

I shouldn't have doubted him.

I slowly turned onto my stomach, propping myself up a bit on my arms so I could look behind me and see what he was doing. He smiled and took the hem of my muscle shirt, pushing it up around my neck so my back was bare. He pressed his lips against the base of my neck, and dug his fingers into my shoulders.

He straddled my hips with his jeans and my underwear still on. He started to give me a deep relaxing massage, all the while slowly grinding his hard package against my ass.

I was limp and complacent from the massage, but still so horny and turned on that I was humping the bed slightly, moaning and feeling like my balls would explode from the tension. I pushed my ass back against his groin, trying to show him how insane he was making me. How close he was driving me to the edge.

"It's been a long time for me, Neil. I stopped letting guys suck me off several weeks ago, a few days after meeting you, in fact. I still jerked off, of course. But I haven't come for almost a week now. I'm sorry if I can't hold it in."

He leaned forward and kissed my shoulder tenderly.

Then he slid down from his spot where he had been grinding against my ass. He moved down, and he pulled my underwear down. I shivered, feeling air on my clean skin. He pulled my boxers down to my knees, and left them there.

I'm not sure what I expected. His hard cock, maybe his fingers. But it wasn't this.

I went stiff and something like a squeak escaped out of my mouth as I felt his fingers gently pulling my cheeks apart. I felt his breath right there, in my most vulnerable area. My anus spasmed a little and puckered closed from the shock.

I heard him laughing, very softly. Then I felt the warm tactile tip of his tongue, right there. Right at the little ring of muscle.

I buried my face in the sheets and spread my legs, arching my back and letting my heels go into the air. Raising my ass from the sheets, wanting more.

He gently kissed my pucker, and then traced his tongue up and down, teasing me, making me moan and squirm. He reached between my legs and gently bobbed my testes up and down. He reached further and wrapped his fingers around my throbbing shaft. I felt his fingertip caress the very tip, feeling the precome that was dribbling.

"You like that?" He panted, softly. "Do you like it when I do this?" He dipped his tongue inside. I squealed and gasped a little.

He gently ravished my ass with his mouth and tongue. I had never guessed that it would feel so amazing. I panted into the sheets, my hips were moving very slightly, moving back into his face and forward again. His hand on my cock was so light, so gentle. He was driving me insane.

"Drake..." I moaned, closing my eyes so tight that I could hear the rush of blood in my ears. I whimpered when he dragged his teeth over my skin. Not painfully, not even hard, just enough sensation to make me tremble and nearly go limp. My breath was coming so fast, it was like I had run a marathon. I could feel sweat beading and trickling down my back.

Suddenly, he turned. He flipped onto his back and slid under me. My ass had been arched into the air to be more available for his agile tongue. His head was under my raised hips. I felt his fingers caress my flushed swollen cock, right before leading it into his mouth.

I tried to give him a warning.

"Drake, Drake I'm gonna..."

Then my muscles stopped working as they should and my face was buried in the bedsheets. All of my breath escaped me in a massive groan, muffled in the fabric. I felt like someone had touched a flame to my groin, lighting up the network of nerves in a brilliant flare.

I was acutely aware that I had accidentally smothered him a little when I went limp. I felt him cough. I quickly rolled onto my back, feeling the moisture between my buttocks. I felt him getting up, and padding quietly to the bathroom. After a quick spit and gargle he crawled back into bed with me.

I kissed him when he snuggled up next to me. Despite how tired and breathless I felt, I turned over and reached into his jeans. He moaned softly.

It was my first time feeling him. First time I got to see him, with my fingertips.

He was so hard, so hot. The skin was damp and swollen tight, like the head of a drum. I could only feel the curve of it, with my hand cramped and awkward like it was.

I unbuttoned his jeans and gently let his cock free, squirming a little to get out of my underwear as I did. I helped him to shimmy out of his jeans and underwear. Then I caressed his cock with my fingertips.

It was long, and slender. It had an upward curve to it, and when I stroked it, the foreskin moved with my fingertips. The tip was swollen and bright red, tight and wet. The foreskin was so soft, the tapered head so taut and slick.

I stuck my tongue out and gently lapped at the tip, tasting him. He groaned.

I wrapped my mouth around him and bobbed my head a little. I felt kind of strange, he had just given me an amazing experience, and I was just giving him a blowjob. I wanted to do more.

"Drake?"

"Yeah, Neil?" His voice was ragged, I was still stroking his beautiful curved cock.

"Do... Do you want to fuck me?"

"Are you sure? Do you want it?"

I thought about how his tongue had felt, the slick stretched feeling of my anus. "Yes." I whispered gutturally, kissing the tip of his cock and reaching between my legs to play with my asshole.

He moved, slowly crawling so he was on top of me. I was on my back, looking up at him, panting softly, reaching for him, to play with him. His nipples were dark, I touched them with my fingertips and they budded into little peaks.

He flicked his hair out of his eyes and reached to the little night table beside the bed. He pulled out a condom and a small lotion bottle. When I looked closer, the lotion was actually something called astroglide. I had never used lube in my line of work.

He set the bottle down on my stomach, smiling at me, shyly. "I've wanted to do this for a while." He admitted, rolling the condom onto his long cock. I gasped as he reached between my legs with one hand. My soft cock perked up again as he played with my saliva-slick anus. He slid one finger in easily. His oral manipulations had softened my sphincter. He grabbed for the lube, and squirted some on his fingers. He crouched down low, and I suddenly had to deal with the sensation of his lubed fingers stretching and penetrating me, with his lips nuzzling and nibbling at my soft cock.

I gasped and squirmed a little, watching him take my cock, and feeling his fingers. My cock was pretty thick, and about five and a half inches long. When it was soft it looked chubby and short, watching him play with it lovingly...

He squeezed a third finger inside of me, and I grunted with discomfort. He put more lube on his fingers, and he started fucking me with his three fingers. He had a distinct rhythm, three shallow strokes, one deep stroke. It made me open up, anticipating the deep stroke.

He caressed his cock, putting more lube on the shiny condom. He straightened up a little, and I panted, looking up into my eyes. My cock was standing up again, feeling a little sore, and throbbing eagerly.

He carefully led his cock to me. I felt the tapered slick head against my skin. I lifted my legs up, resting my ankles on his shoulders. He turned his head and kissed my ankle, before putting his one hand on my hip and the other on my stomach, and pushing in.

I made a small muffled sound. I had tensed up, expecting a lot of pain. I couldn't help but remember Chris and Tio. I couldn't help remembering things from even further back. Laying facedown on the big bed. Biting my forearm and crying when HE put olive oil on his cock and forced it in. Telling me to shut up or he would kill me.

But when Drake moved in, he had stretched me out, made me feel good with his tongue and fingers. His cock had a slender head. And he was only pressing gently, waiting for the muscles to relax, and let him in.

I felt him slide in, slowly, but surely. There was discomfort. I squirmed a little. I could feel the sensitive nerve endings burning in a nice way. I breathed shallowly, gasping for air. Drake lay down on top of me for a moment, keeping the tip of his cock in my spasming ass and hugging me tight.

"I love you Neil." He whispered.

I moved my feet, so my heels were digging into his lower back, touching those cute venus dimples of his. I buried my face in his shoulder and arched my hips up a little, letting him in. Letting him know I was ready.

He moaned, and lipped my ear as he pushed in. I mewed, closing my eyes to hear the rush of blood and more fully enjoy his slender cock bumping against my prostate.

He slowly upped the speed of his rocking hips. Hugging me tight and never letting me slip away. We were tangled together so close. I stopped feeling uncomfortable. It just felt hot and amazing, feeling his slick cock pry me open and light my nerves on fire.

I started yelping when he went faster. I could feel the sweat trickling down his back with my arm and my feet.

He flexed his entire body like a long sheath of muscle. His breath exploded out of him in a cry, and he was buried in me to the root. Even in the ecstasy of his orgasm, he wrapped his hand around my hard cock and stroked.

"Please, please, faster!" I begged. He flogged his hand over me and pushed his softening cock deeper into me. I yelped and felt come slicking my stomach and chest.

We both went limp this time.

I let my head fall back, and I looked up at the ceiling. I saw a flash of headlights go across the ceiling as a car turned a corner. I could feel him breathing, hear his heart beating. His chest was pressed against mine. I kissed the side of his head. His hair was damp with sweat.

"I need a shower." He whispered.

I laughed breathlessly.

We took a quick shower. I stepped in for a minute to rinse off, and then he stepped in, after peeling the condom off of his soft cock and putting it in the garbage.

My ass felt so strange. Just walking let me feel the sensation of looseness, of slickness. Even after the shower when I washed all of the lube out of me, I still felt loose. It was tightening up a bit with every passing second, but I kind of liked it. 

We dried off and slipped into bed naked.

"That was good." I whispered. He mumbled something. He was so tired.

I felt so tender, looking at his naked shoulder above the comforter. I kissed his shoulder and snuggled up with him. Closing my eyes.

I was so full of love.

---

The next day was like the day before. I woke up with my alarm telling me it was time to go to work.

I silenced it as quickly as I could. I didn't want to wake Drake up. He had school and work during the day, he needed as much sleep as he could.

During the night he had moved around so the cover was only covering up one leg. I covered him up with the comforter.

"Be safe." He mumbled.

I kissed his forehead, and slipped my clothes on. My asshole didn't feel loose anymore, but there was this delicious soreness. Every step reminded me of last night. I had to pull my jeans over a bulge. I had a feeling that this would be a problem.

He rolled over with a yawn. I gave him a rueful look and walked out of the door.

---

Every night, we were having amazing sex.

I was horny all of the time. Going from feeling horny around him to being horny all of the time was a bit of a change. I never jerked off though. I saved every drop of sperm for him. We went to the doctor and got tested. It would be a week or two until we got the results.

Saturday, three days after having almost constant sex whenever we were with each other, he gave me two gifts. A small one, and a huge one.

I had a rare day off. I still had my factory job, but Browning had to shut down for a day because of the death of a distant relative. Because of the short notice, I still got pay, and I was heading to my apartment on the bus with a single red rose, a fresh supply of condoms, and some chinese takeout.

I stepped into the elevator, and I saw someone hurrying out of the corner of my eye. I held it open.

Drake jumped in, dressed in black slacks and a grey button-down shirt and a blue tie. He had his McDonald's name tag on, and he smelled like grease and sweat. He looked embarrassed. "Hey."

"Hey."

The elevator doors closed. As soon as they did, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. "I love a man in uniform." I joked.

He rolled his eyes and kissed me back. "I HATE this uniform. I hate it. I hate working there. If I never see another french fry as long as I live, I would be happy. I've been applying to every place I know that doesn't serve food."

I held up the brown bag. "Well, that's a pity, because I picked up some burgers on the way home."

I laughed at the look on his face before he realized I was joking. "Ha-ha." He intoned, trying to be serious, but unable to hide the relief on his face. "What's really in there?"

The doors opened on our floor. "Wontons, fried rice, sesame chicken, and some beef broccoli. Fortune cookies."

He shuddered. "Thank god. I..." I don't know what he was going to say, but then I handed him the rose.

We had been walking to our room, but he froze in the middle of the hallway with the rose.

"Some kids were selling them as a fundraiser. I... I wanted to give it to you. I love you Drake."

I glanced up and down the hallway, and snuck him another kiss.

He opened our apartment without saying anything. As soon as we were inside the door he grabbed me by the front of my shirt and kissed me hard.

"Thanks Neil." He whispered.

I whimpered a little and ground into him with my hips. He grimaced a bit. He brought my hand to his crotch so I could feel him.

"As much as I want to... I need to take a shower. I don't want to fuck while I smell like pigfat."

I nodded, it seemed reasonable. "Wanna take one together?"

He smiled and gave me another deep kiss. "Sure thing."

---

The water was warm, and he was playing with the loofa. Driving me crazy with it.

The plastic scrubby was so rough, but he was being so careful with it. The sensation around my cock made me want to explode. I was leaning against the wall, trembling as water dripped down my body and Drake tormented me with his hands, the loofa, and liberal amounts of shower gel.

Suddenly he got up, and coyly turned away. He had a small ass. His cheeks were tiny and round, compact. He was teasing me, but I didn't know what to do. He looked over his shoulder with bedroom eyes.

"Come on..." He whispered. "Come over here and play with it. You know what to do."

I obediently dropped to my knees. Unlike the former apartment, our shower was a tub combination, so there was room for both of us. I dropped to my knees and crawled up to his taut little ass. He was all long slender back, long legs. His ass was the compact center of muscle where the two met. I kissed the sweet hollows of each cheek, and I propped myself up a bit so I could kiss the tantalizing venus dimples on his lower back.

I had been pretty timid the first time I played with his ass. But now I loved it. He was just as sensitive down here as I was.

I foamed up some shower gel and carefully soaped his buttocks, getting closer and closer to his hole with the loofa, teasing him with the rough scrubby.

I waited for the soap suds to wash away before leaning in and running my tongue up and down that beautiful crack. To taste shower water and soap and skin and feel his moans, and the minute muscles clenching with tension.

I slipped one finger into his tight little asshole. My little finger. I twisted it in without lube, going slow. He panted softly, and humped the wall.

"Neil?" He gasped.

"Hm?"

"I want you to fuck me."

That was the little gift.

I looked up at him as he turned around. I was confused, and he could see that.

"I like getting fucked, too. I'm so ready. I want to feel you in me, too."

I stood up. "I... I thought I was the bottom." I whispered, feeling my cheeks flush.

He laughed breathlessly, and grabbed my cock, stroking, making me moan. "I like fucking you. You have a hot ass. You're so fucking cute when you make those noises."

I accidentally made one of those noises. He was stroking my cock, teasing me.

"But it's not like you're a girl. I like getting fucked every now and then. So come on, let's go loverboy."

I followed. Drying myself off with a towel. He was grinning. Flashing his ass at me. I started to feel this primal urge. I had wondered what it would be like to fuck him before, but only in an abstract way. I wanted to penetrate, to be the fucker, and not the fuckee. It was an intense feeling.

We went to the bedroom and I dug in the new box of condoms. While I was digging in the nightstand, he crawled up to me on all fours and started sucking my cock. All of a sudden, he was turning the submissive charm to full-blast. It was so fucking sexy. 




Eyes Like Winona Ch. 08



Those eyes of his, when his lips were wrapped around my cock. It was a fantasy come true. It was one of my favorite things.

He took the condom from me and carefully applied it to my cock himself. Carefully rolling it onto my average, thick dick.

"How do you want me?" He purred.

My mouth felt so dry. "Um... On the bed? Facing each other?"

He looked up at me and smiled. "You're so sweet."

He crawled onto the bed, and I crawled with him, my dick bouncing around foolishly, dressed and ready for action.

I kissed his smooth thin chest. I kissed the scar under his nipple, and gave special attention to his nipples. I liked licking them, feeling them get hard under my tongue.

He groaned softly as I took his long thin dick in my mouth. I lapped and swirled my tongue around the head, tasting precome. I clumsily lubed up my cock with the bottle of astroglide, wanting to be nice and slick. My cock was throbbing under the thin rubber.

I tentatively felt below. My fingers were slick, and I managed to slide two easily into his tight little asshole. He was able to relax so easily. With me, he still had to spend a few minutes loosening me up.

He groaned. "Come on, baby... I'm ready."

It was the first time he had called me baby. At least without a joking tone. I aligned my cock with his slick little hole. I moved my hips, trying to be slow. I remembered how much his cock had burned me on the first entry.

He wrapped his legs around my waist and used them to pull me in. I was suddenly buried to the root. I gasped at the hot pressure on all sides. He was so warm. That warmth was surrounding me on all sides.

"More." He moaned.

I started to move my hips, slowly at first, but then faster when he just squirmed and asked for more. It felt so good. His sphincter was so tight, rippling up and down on my cock. Even inside the rubber sheath, it felt so hot and slick and beautiful.

I leaned over him and kissed him, trying to detach the movements of my upper body with my hips. He chewed at my lips, panting like a dog in heat. He grabbed my shoulders with his hands. When on the bottom, he turned into an entirely different kind of animal. Aggressive and needy. It was so hot.

"So thick." He moaned. "Faster..."

I went as fast as I could, pounding into him. He had his fist wrapped around his cock, flogging it.

I could feel the heat building up in my groin. "Drake... Drake I'm gonna..." 

He arched his hips up so high that I nearly slipped out. I could see the streamers of come spurting out of his cock. It was so sexy... I plunged in deep and fell against him as my orgasm came.

I was resting on top of him, gasping. He wrapped his arms around me.

"Thanks." He purred.

"Don't mention it." I laughed.

---

We cleaned up a bit, and we ate the take out, which was starting to get cold.

"Hey... I was wondering if you wanted to take the bus out to the cemetery."

I looked up at Drake. So surprised that my broccoli fell off of my fork onto the floor with a plop.

"How..."

Drake shrugged. "I know you haven't visited your parents in a while. And, you've done so many nice things for me today, and you have a day off. I'd like to meet them, too."

I felt the bridge of my nose stinging a little from tears. "Um, sure. Let's just finish up here."

He scooted his chair next to mine and gave me a quick hug. I let a few quick hot tears slip into the shirt he was wearing, but I wiped my eyes dry. They weren't tears of sorrow. I wasn't exactly sure what kind of tears they were. I was just so happy about Drake. And so bittersweet about the graves. It would be the first time I went without my family. And I had never gotten an opportunity to visit mom and dad with Toby.

It didn't really look like we would ever get to that point.

---

We took the bus down. Drake seemed a little tense. I know he wanted to make me feel better, but now he seemed a little nervous, fidgeting and checking his watch.

"It'll be fine." I whispered. "Thanks for... For coming with me."

We were on a crowded bus, but he gave my hand a quick squeeze.

The bus let us off about a block away from the cemetery. We walked, feeling the bitter winds. It would snow soon. Fall was almost gone from us.

I walked into the cemetery, and I saw a group of people around the graves of my mother and father. Toby stood up, and I could see his profile as he looked back at us. He was too far away to see the expression on his face.

I stopped and looked at Drake, confused and frightened.

"I called them." He said quietly. "They agreed to meet."

He put an arm around my shoulders. "Everything's going to be okay." He smiled crookedly. "Or I'm going to have to kick some asses around here."

We walked to the graves. Celia ran up to meet us halfway. "Hi! My name is Celia. Nice to meet you." She blurted.

Drake held out his hand to shake. "Drake. Nice to meet you, too."

She squinted at him slightly. "He does look like Winona." She looked embarrassed, so she ran back to the group.

Drake raised an eyebrow. Among all of the nervousness, all of the anxiety, I felt a bit embarrassed. "I'll tell you later."

We walked up to the graves, and I felt my heart sinking when nobody said a word. It was a pure standoff. I stood a little closer to Drake, and I felt like a traitor. I had chosen him over my family. I hated that they had forced me to choose, and I hated myself for making the choice, even though I wouldn't have made it any other way.

Calvin cleared his throat. "We brought flowers for mom. Rosa misses you. We all do."

My legs felt a little weak.

"I'll come by and visit again." I whispered. My mouth felt so dry.

I walked forward, feeling like a delegation. I hugged each of them.

Ben had Lisse in his arms. She went crazy when she saw me and hugged me tight, babbling away.

Ben made an effort. "So... How long have you two known each other?"

"About two months now." Drake said quietly. Had it really only been that long? I knew more than anything that I loved Drake.

"Hey, Hey Drake? Do you want to take us over to our dad?"

I saw the confusion on his face. I had yet to tell him all of the truths about our family, but he agreed. I watched them walk away to the other side of the graveyard.

Toby let out a very long sigh. "We miss you, Neil."

"That's why I'm here." I said stiffly. I hated this. I hated this jilted way we had to treat each other.

He just sighed and walked away. I talked with Ben, and I played with Lisse. When I looked up, I felt a hint of raw panic deep in my chest when I saw that Toby and Drake were talking to each other on the other side of the cemetery.

I stood up and walked towards them, feeling Ben's eyes, and hearing Lisse call my name.

It took me a minute to walk across the cemetery. I walked up on them fast, and Drake was just agreeing to something, nodding his head.

"We were just talking." Toby grunted. Seeing how wary I was.

"We're going to meet up again in a week. We're going to celebrate the twin's birthdays at our apartment." I glanced at Drake, unable to express my shock with anything more tactful that a blank stare.

Toby sighed again. "We have to get going. It was nice to see you Neil." After a long pause where he was clearly struggling with himself. he just muttered. "Drake." And turned away.

I oversaw them getting into the car. I hugged them all goodbye. Then I went to talk to Drake, who had hung back a bit.

"Did you set this up?" I asked quietly.

He nodded. "I called, I spoke with Tony. But he was the one who suggested celebrating the twins' party."

He gave me a hug. "It's hard right now. But we're all trying to do the right thing." He gave me a kiss on the forehead. Nobody was watching. "Do you want a moment with them? I could wait at the gate?"

He had gestured over to the headstones of my mother and father. I could see that they had bought the flowers. Rosa never grew lilies. Two simple white lilies placed in the little flower-holders in front of each headstone.

I nodded, and he gave my hand a brief squeeze before going to the gate.

I sat between the headstones. The earth was dry and cold. I felt something on my cheek. I looked up, and it had started to snow. Miniscule fragments of ice coming down in irregular puffs. The flow of snow was getting heavier, and more regular with every moment.

"Mom? Dad?" I whispered.

I closed my eyes, and thought about my family. Lisse's cheerful obliviousness. Celia's bold effort. Calvin's clumsy love. Ben's attempt at conversation. Toby's determination.

My family. All trying to accept the new person who was already such a gigantic part of my life.

I took a deep breath. When I let it out, the mist stirred the increasingly heavy snowflakes. I could see them landing and melting on the tombstones. Landing and staying intact, like tiny stars, on the waxy flesh of the lilies.

"I think everything is going to be alright."

I stood up. 

I went home.

We made love.

And I went to bed, with hope for the future.

THE END

*Hey. As for the future, I have several stories that I'm working on. Because of the nature of the stories, I'm not sure which ones I will finish, which ones will make it, etc. The only one that I am absolutely sure of right now is a story that will be called Cat and Dog. Probably a one-shot, or maybe I'll break it up into two or three. First Anthro, first consensual threesome :) Exciting!

Thank you all so much for your support. You guys take so much more shit from me than you should ever have to. I really don't try to be cruel, but sometimes it works out that way.

Kisses and Spanks,

--Cruel*



Eyes Like Winona



As I got outside, I could feel a few drops of rain landing on my head and shoulders. I lifted my head up to the heavens and felt the rain fall. It slowly wet my face, obscuring the tears that had fallen.

---

The rain wasn't torrential, but nonetheless, soon I was soaked through. I had tied up the dinners in a plastic bag that had been floating in the gutter, so they were safe. I kicked an empty needle into the gutter. This city was filthy. It was an eyesore. On the way back from school, Celia said that she often saw discarded condoms and broken crack-pipes. I wish that we lived somewhere else, that we could afford to live anywhere else.

This was the worst part of the walk. Trash cans were piled up in the alleys, the gutter was choked with cigarette butts and refuse. When it wasn't raining, groups of young men with drug-reddened eyes wandered up and down, shouting in loud frightening voices and calling out jeers to anyone that passed. On one street, the gangs didn't walk, but on that street, skinny women in tiny shorts and high heels and big dangling earrings strutted. Cars pulled up in a steady stream to the curb, with women coming in and out of them. Other men came on foot, and went down a thin metal staircase into the basement of a blearily-lit strip bar.

On most days, I took a long circuitous route to avoid the gangs and the hookers. But today, I just didn't have the energy to care. The rain gave me strength in anonymity. I passed a few groups of young men. None of them called out 'faggot' or 'motherfucker' like they usually did. The first time someone had called me 'faggot' I had panicked, but they called every man 'faggot', just like they called every woman 'bitch'.

The hookers were diminished because of the rain, but still there. Three of them huddled under an awning, smoking and talking. I looked at them out of the corner of my eye, wondering. A few of them were really young. Did any of them have families they were trying to support? Were any of them trying to put themselves through college, or just trying to scrounge the money for baby formula? A few of them were older. Were they just trying to feed their kids?

Or were they all just strung-out junkies wasting their lives?

I still had the address of the street corner where the rent boys were. I wondered if they were like these hookers. Did they dress up in scanty clothes and strut? Were they trying to support themselves?

The idea wouldn't get out of my mind. It wouldn't leave. I tried to tell myself how much it would hurt, how dangerous it was. But that train of thought kept getting distracted when I thought about Toby, who still had three weeks until he could come and help us. I thought about Calvin, who had been savaged by a pit bull. I thought about Ben, who's student loans were already looming into a terrifying amount. About Mom's hospital bills; she was dead, but we still had thousands left to pay. What about rent? Utilities, school lunch fees, doctor's check ups? My head ached.

I realized that I had gotten to my apartment building while agonizing. I stepped in and shook my head to get rid of the water in my hair. I took the steps one flight at a time, panting with exhaustion by the eighth floor.

Rosa was in the apartment. She smiled at me when I came in, her eyes sad. I could smell her, a mixture of garlic and flowery perfume and flour and smoke and the breath mints she crushed between her teeth to hide the smell of the cigarettes she smoked. I still remembered that smell from when she had babysat me as a child. She came in close and hugged me.

"Hola Neil." She murmured. "I put Lisse to her crib, and Celia is in her room, doing homework I believe. They've eaten, bathed, and brushed their teeth.

I could have married her. "Thanks Rosa." I murmured. I ran to the big bedroom and dug around in the sock drawer, which held our petty cash. There were two twenties and a handful of crumpled ones inside a wooden cigar box that had belonged to my father. I smelled the wood, smelling the faint but distinct cigar-smell that had always been part of his smell. He had died in a car accident when I was four, but I still remembered that smell in his shirt when he bounced me on his lap.

I took the two twenties. "Do you have ten dollars?" I asked. She nodded, and I paid her for the week. She was a lifesaver.

I went to Celia's room, and she did have a textbook open on her lap, but she was fast asleep. I turned off the light, and tucked her in, taking off her sneakers. They were too tight, she really needed new ones.

I checked on Lisse, sound asleep in her crib, her little hand in her mouth. I tucked a blanket over her, with the rain it might get colder.

I could hear the door. Rosa had already left. I went to the door and Ben was there, rubbing his temples. He saw me and smiled halfheartedly. "You're soaking wet Neil. C'mere."

I walked to him obediently and he took a hand towel from the kitchen, and he scrubbed my head dry. I closed my eyes, it felt good. I had something I wanted to say. Something I needed to say, but it was stuck in my throat.

If I said this, there would be no turning back.

I opened my mouth. "Mr. Browning offered me a bonus. He said he'd give me thirty bucks if I came later in the evening and helped him unload the supply truck."

Ben whistled. "That would be nice right now. Do you want a ride?"

I felt myself panicking, but I spoke calmly, taking the towel from him and continuing to dry my hair so he couldn't see my face. "Nah, you got to study. I'll take the umbrella this time, and it will be fine."

He dropped the subject. In the pit of my stomach I felt excited and sick and scared.

---

I had lived in the city my entire life, but I had never been on this street. Not within memory.

It was under the highway, and there was little traffic. It was between a massive parking complex and a row of buildings with no windows. Crammed at the corner of the street, was a narrow apartment building with corroding bricks the color of yellowish mud. The windows were narrow and peeling and forbidding, most of them dark. The entrance was lit by a pool of harsh orange light from the street light. And lounging on the stairs to the building, protected from the rain by the awning, were two young men.

I didn't know what to do. I stood at the corner across from them, watching the cars go by, and the traffic lights changing from yellow to red to green again. My hand was numb and cold on the umbrella handle. A little voice in the back of my head told me that it wasn't too late, I could still back out.

But what would I tell Ben if I didn't come back with thirty dollars?

What would they all think if they knew what I was doing?

What if child support took away my younger brother and sisters because we couldn't support them?

I checked my watch, an old steel timex that had belonged to my father. Toby had given it to me when he went to jail for murdering my stepfather. It was a few minutes after nine.

When I looked up, my heart jackknifed painfully in my chest when I saw one of the young men walking across the street straight for me. The feeling was halfway between panic and relief that I wouldn't have to approach them.

He was tall and slim. He was wearing a light coat to shed the rain, and under it he had a muscle shirt that hung on his thin frame. He had angled features, a strong jaw and a way of walking that made his boyish hips swing. He had makeup on, I noticed, dark eyeliner.

He pursed his lips slightly as he got closer. "Hey kid, why've you been creeping out in the corner? You're starting to make us nervous." His voice was soft and serious and leading. He knew I was here for a reason. He was looking me up and down in a way that made me flushed and uncomfortable. I was used to Browning, he was old and unassuming and harmless. I wasn't used to interacting with someone young or attractive.

I pushed all of those feelings aside. I needed to do this. If I couldn't support my family even after working my ass off, this was the only way I could see to do it. "I want to work." I said, trying to look him in the eye. He was about five or six inches taller. I lost a little of my nerve. "If... If I can."

Over at the streetlight, I saw two men come out of the building. One was young and slim, the other was old and stout and huddled in sunglasses and a long coat and a hat to try and hide his identity.

"You know what we do, right?" He asked softly. "You ever done this before?" I opened my mouth, but I couldn't say anything. I just nodded. I felt my eyes stinging, and my stomach twisted with dismay. The last thing I needed was to start crying. I ducked my head and pretended to scratch my nose, scrubbing my eyes quick with my hand.

When I looked up at him, he was still serious, but there was a sympathetic light in his eyes. "Hey, my name is Drake. I gotta call someone quick. There's this little coffee place a block away. We can go there, get something to drink, and talk about this. Okay?"

I nodded, feeling my throat tighten up. I felt a little queasy. He stepped out of earshot to make the call, and while he spoke, I saw someone park down the street and walk up to the corner. It was an anxious-looking middle-aged man with a balding head and thick bifocals. He went inside with a tall latino boy. The other boy was lanky and red-haired and freckly, looking over at us curiously.

I jumped as a truck pulled up to my corner. The window rolled down and the man in the window leaned out. He was a big guy, beefy in a muscular way. Like someone who had worked hard for most of his life but was now starting to soften. He had a full trimmed beard.

"Hey Dean," He called, looking between me and him. "Who's the new guy? When did he get here? Hop in sweetheart."

I froze and my stomach sloshed nervously. "I'm... I'm not..."

Drake hung up on his cell phone and loped to the window, his narrow ass moving from side to side. I tore my eyes away and adjusted my umbrella.

"Hey, I'm sorry but we're both off the clock right now. Kirk is free."

He frowned, and I could feel his eyes on me. It made my skin crawl. "Kirk is a fuckin slob. I'll be back when you're working Dean."

Drake (Dean?) nodded and leaned in to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Don't worry man, I'll be working in an hour or so."

The man in the truck nodded and drove off.

"Hey, I'm sorry about that. Most of them are a lot more polite. Follow me."

I walked behind him, watching his thin shoulders hunch inside the jacket to shed the rain. I jogged a few steps and held the umbrella over us both. He grinned and thanked me, and my chest felt strange, hollow. I looked down at my feet before I could get any more confused.

---

It really was a very small cafe. The cafe was brightly lit. It had six booths and a few seats at the counter. The display case had a lonely-looking slice of meringue pie in it, and when we got in, the girl behind the counter was starting to wipe things down. She frowned at us, but she didn't say anything when Drake bought two coffees.

I mixed sugar and creamer into mine. Drake just sipped it black. We sat on opposite sides of a formica-topped table. The seats of the booth were salmon-colored faux leather. I played with a rip in the seat, fidgeting helped.

He leaned forward. His hair was dark and wet, plastered to his forehead in limp spikes. I could smell wet clothes and body spray and rain and hair gel and a low exciting smell that wavered in and out. I could barely get that smell, but it was a musky sweaty smell. I realized with a jolt that this guy had probably already had sex, maybe even more then once. His eyes were large and dark and kind.

"I'm not going to ask why you're here." He said softly. "Everyone has their own reasons. You can tell me if you want, but it isn't a requirement. But you're here because you need money."

I nodded.

"You said you had done this before?"

I took a deep breath and tried to keep my voice calm. "I work at a convenience store, and I would give him... I would give him a blowjob every day. He took money off of our tab."

"That's a start. What's your name?"

"Why did that guy call you Dean?"

He started, and then laughed. "Shit, I didn't notice. It's good to make a fake name to use with clients. You don't want these guys to know anything real about you. My fake name is Dean, my real name is Drake.

"My name is Ryan." I lied. I didn't want any of them to know who I was for real.

I sipped my coffee. It was good and bitter despite the sugar I had dumped into it. It warmed my hands.

"Is there any other way?"

I stared at him. I hadn't expected this. I didn't know what I had expected, but not this. "Wh... What do you mean?"

He looked down at his coffee, and swirled it around. "It seems pathetic, but we get guys who come down to the corner looking for a fast way to make money. They plan on sleeping with one or two guys and then leaving. Ferdinand doesn't stand for that. If you're going to stay with us, you need to make some kind of commitment.

"Even worse, we get guys who see this as a game. Kirk, that redhead? He does this for fun. His parents aren't rich, but they aren't poor. He likes the sex and the money and drugs. Ferdinand allows it because the guy know's what he's doing, but it's wrong. He came here because he wanted money, but he didn't want to work a legitimate job for it. Trust me Ryan. You say that you need money, but if there is any way, any way at all that you can make it without getting on your knees..."

The tears were coming. I couldn't stop them. I had to talk slowly, and haltingly. My voice was distorted from trying to keep my voice level. I hated crying. But I couldn't stop. These tears were insidious, trying to ruin my words and make me look weak.

"I'm working two jobs. My parents are dead. I have five siblings. One is two. Two are in grade school, one is unemployed and going to college and the other is in jail."

There it was. It was out. He was looking at me, momentarily wordless.

I grabbed a napkin out of the shiny chrome dispenser and wiped my eyes, clenching my teeth and trying to just stop. I hated how the tears kept sneaking up. I couldn't tell if they were from fear or shame or just plain despair.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure." He whispered.

We were quiet for a moment. I sipped my coffee, now getting lukewarm, until I knew for sure that my voice wouldn't break. It gave me a chance to collect my thoughts, and gather my resolve.

"Who is Ferdinand?" I asked. I felt cold. There was no heating in the cafe, and despite the protection of my umbrella, my jeans were still damp from the walk home. I had changed my shirt, but my skin still felt faintly damp everywhere. My skin felt like clay, cold and smooth and bloodless. I wished that I had worn a jacket.

"Ferdinand takes care of us." Drake said quietly. "He parks nearby, and he knows each of the customers personally. He makes sure that we get paid, and that we aren't treated like shit. He pays for monthly tests and condoms. He even gives us weed sometimes. Prime stuff. He doesn't deal in the hard stuff, but weed really helps. He takes fifty percent."

He was a pimp. "I... I thought that you guys just..." I couldn't say anything. He finished the sentence.

"Worked alone? Going solo is the most dangerous fucking thing that you can do." For the first time, Drake sounded agitated. I looked into his eyes and I was paralyzed and fascinated. They were dark, I had seen that, but now I was pretty sure that his eyes were black. I had never seen eyes that dark, not even my Stepfather's eyes had been that dark.

"Listen to me Ryan." It was very faint, but I could hear the emphasis on my fake name. He knew it wasn't real. For some reason, that made me feel better. "I worked solo for about a year before I moved here. I wasn't safe. I had a hard time finding customers, and when I did, they tried to dodge paying me, or they only paid a few bucks. I was always in danger of propositioning a cop, or someone who would beat the shit out of me.

He took a deep breath. "If you're going to do this, work with us. There are one or two other outfits, but none of them are as classy as Ferdinand. He takes care of us. He's going to take half of your money, but you're going to be safe and clean. Do you understand? Do you know how important that is?"

I felt breathless. As if someone had punched me in the gut with a soft padded fist.

He looked into my eyes, searching. Then he stood up and unzipped his jacket. He pulled up the hem of his muscle shirt all the way to the armpit. My mouth went dry at his pale taut skin. His abdomen was long and ridged and painfully thin. He had a thin line of dark hair starting at his navel and disappearing under the waistband of his jeans. His navel was an outie, a little bud of skin. But he was drawing attention higher. Right under the small dark disk of his nipple. There was a curving scar, pale pink against his white skin.

"A skinhead did that with a knife. He wanted to cut my nipples off. He was ranting about how all homosexuals were going to burn in hell, and he was just helping me along. He was going a mile a minute, like an auctioneer, telling me how he was going to cut my nipples and then my balls and then my throat." His voice was bitter and hard. The girl behind the counter was staring at us.

"I'm going to have to ask you two to leave!" She said in a shaky voice.

Drake put his shirt down and zipped up his jacket. "I'm sorry." He said in a humble voice. "We'll be leaving."

I got up and followed him, feeling lightheaded. Maybe I would just float away.

---

The rain had picked up. It was pounding down on my umbrella. He was four inches taller then me, so he was holding it, and fortunately it was one of the wide umbrellas, so I was still avoiding most of the downpour.

"I talked to Ferdinand on the phone." Drake said quietly. "And he wanted me to tell you that this is like any other job. If you start it, you have to come to work like any normal employee. And if you want to quit, you can, but you have to do it in advance. He knows how hard it is for some people. So you're going to get one job. One client. He wont take his cut, but just for this job. I'll be with you, make sure the client treats you right. Okay?"

My legs felt cold and rubbery. I couldn't feel my feet, just the dull impact as they hit the wet sidewalk. My stomach was a sloshing mess, but at the same time, I felt relieved. I could back out if I needed to. I had a chance to back out. It felt good. But there was still something I was worried about.

"Drake?"

"Yeah?"

"I've never... I'm scared." Why couldn't I speak right? I felt my cheeks burning.

I jumped when he put his free hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to do that. Don't worry. Kirk didn't take it up the ass for months. It's just a difference of pay."

We were talking about details, technicalities. It calmed me down a little. "How much do things cost?" I asked.

"There are guys that will want to blow you. These are actually some of the hardest. It depends on if you even get aroused by this stuff, and how you feel, and how many customers you've had. It costs fifty bucks. When you're the one giving the blowjob, it's only forty. A handjob is twenty.

"A fuck is a hundred and fifty. They have to pay more if they accidentally hurt you. If they want foreplay, it's another twenty bucks. Call it a discount, if you're getting it in bulk."

A shocked giggle escaped me. He glanced my way. "Hey, I'm sorry about the restaurant. But I mean it. Never work alone. The deal you have with your boss, that's different, but if you work alone, it's really dangerous.

"Now, at least once a night there is a guy who has some kind of kink. You don't have to deal with these guys if you don't want to. It's your discretion, and Ferdinand deals with how much extra they pay."




Eyes Like Winona



"What kind of kinks?"

He shrugged. "Some of them are okay. I had a guy who payed a hundred bucks extra so he could lick my feet before giving me a blowjob. Other guys want to be tied up, want you to wear weird clothes, stuff like that. Sometimes, they want one of us to watch. Ferdinand doesn't let them do the rough stuff. The leather freaks and copraphiles and 'vampires' have to find someone else."

I was starting to feel sick again. Drake seemed to think this was reassuring. He saw my face. "Sorry Ryan. Look, you said that you give blowjobs to your boss? We'll just set you up with one of those, okay?"

I nodded. We were at the street, and we crossed it. The stoop was bare, both of the others were inside. I sat down on the dry part and pulled my arms inside my shirt, shivering. He sat next to me, shaking out the umbrella and folding it. He leaned it against the railing.

He shucked his jacket and put it over my shoulders. "You okay Ryan?"

I pulled his jacket around me like a blanket. I could smell body spray and rain and cloth. I could smell that tantalizing smell. It was a low smell, a hot smell, a secret smell. The jacket was warm from his body.

"No. I'm scared." He was shivering. I moved closer to him, so close that our hips touched lightly. I draped the coat over the both of us. It was just big enough to cover us both. His bare arm was against my bare arm. My skin was like clay. His skin was covered with sharp little goosebumps, making the thin hairs stick up. His skin was rough with the cold and the skin was hot.

He smiled at me. I knew then that I was lost. Hopelessly lost. "Thanks. And if you're scared, that means that you are sane. If you were being callous about this, I would be worried."

There was nothing coy, nothing sly about the way he held my hand. He just laced his long warm fingers with my cold fingers and squeezed.

A car pulled up. I had never been good with cars, it was dark green and small, a compact. I could see the Chevrolet sign on the grill.

"Listen Ryan. I'll come with you. If you want to stop, just stop and I'll take over. This is your failsafe, your lifeline. Okay?"

I nodded. "Thank you Drake."

We stood up, and he took the jacket back. "Just remember. To him, I'm Dean."

We walked up to the window, opening the umbrella as we went. The man behind the glass was a heavyset man with thinning gingery hair and sideburns. He looked between us with interest. "Dean? Is this a new kid?"

Drake leaned forward. "Very new. I actually wanted to talk to you about that. This is his first time."

He glanced at me. "Really? Can I suck him off?" He looked nervous while he said it. I felt a weird hot feeling in my groin. This might be my first blowjob. From a middle-aged stranger.

Drake looked at me. "Are you okay with that Ryan?" I nodded.

What was I doing?

---

Drake walked me inside, with the man following us. The client.

The hall was thin and smelly. The walls were yellowed with the deep indelible smell of cigarette smoke. Two of the long ceiling lights were flickering, and at one end of the hall I could see a tangle of wires hanging from a gutted camera. This place was worse then the apartment I lived in.

A few doors ahead, the tall latino boy, Jose, stepped out of room 09. He was tall and imperious, with coffee-colored skin and pretty almond-shaped eyes. The man who followed him was pushing up his bifocals. They both looked me up and down before passing me in the hallway.

Drake spoke softly. "We have the odd-numbered rooms. One, three, five, seven, and nine. I live here in room one. If we got extras, it's just polite to go to the rooms where I don't live. If we ever get five guys again, I'm going to have to hide my stuff when it gets busy."

We went into room seven. It was like a prison cell. Just a bed and a toilet and a shower and a sink and a stove all in one room. The toilet and stall had a broken curtain that was supposed to go around it for privacy. The metal rail along the ceiling was half-gone, leaving a track of plaster where it had been. There wasn't even a window.

The man, my client came in after us. Drake put his hand on my shoulder. "This guy's cool, alright? I'm going to be sitting right outside that door. To my client, he said. "You know the drill. Fifty if you do him, and it's ninety if you want him to reciprocate. Anything else, and you should talk to me."

He smoothed back his thin ginger hair. "I wont spook the kid, don't worry. We'll be fine.

Drake closed the door behind him with a soft click. I sat down on the corner of the bed. Now that it was actually going to happen, I was starting to feel numb.

He sat next to me. "You nervous?"

I nodded. "Yeah. I'm sorry."

He put his hand on my shoulder. I expected to be repulsed by his touch, but the weight of his hand was pleasant enough. "Don't worry about it, okay?" His other hand rested on my thigh, and I could feel the warmth through the damp fabric.

I could see his head moving closer, and I know what he wanted, so I turned to meet him. He smelled like cigarettes and cats and cologne. When he was this close, I could see his heavy pouched cheeks and the blemishes on his forehead and the watery blue eyes behind his glasses. He pressed his lips against mine with surprising gentleness. I could feel soft whiskers against my mouth and cheeks. It wasn't that bad. It was just a touch. It made me feel a little better.

"You're very sweet. Did you know that?" He murmured.

I was confused. "I didn't do anything." I whispered.

He just smiled. "Yes you did. None of the others let me kiss them. They forget. Some of us aren't just doing this for the sex. It's for the connection."

His hands were at the hem of my t-shirt and I lifted my arms obligingly. The air in here was damp and lukewarm. My skin was pale tan, but under my waistband I knew I was fishbelly white. There was a patch of pale skin the size and shape of my swim trunks under my jeans.

He pressed his hand gently on my chest, between my nipples. "Lay back sweetheart." He murmured, not taking his eyes off of me. I leaned back, and I could feel the rough blanket under my back. I looked up at the ceiling. There were cracks and water-spots in the plaster. I studied them as I felt him touching me. I thought about that famous urban legend, when Queen Elizabeth's mother told her to 'close her eyes and think of England'. For a single absurd moment, I was dangerously close to laughing.

His hands were heavy and slightly damp. Not repulsive, just heavy. He was stroking my up and down my sides, up and down. One hand rested gently on my stomach, and it almost tickled. I flinched when I felt his lips on my nipples. A soft almost-noise escaped my mouth when he bit it. Not hard, but it still stung.

My eyes were searching around the room. For the first time since he had touched me, I was starting to panic. Then I saw the door.

It was open a crack, and Drake was looking through it. He was watching over me, and that soothed me. The crack was only big enough for me to see a slit of his porcelain-pale skin and a single dark eye.

He was making soft grunting noises while he sucked on my nipples, like a piglet. He was laying on me, and he was heavy. I was having a hard time breathing. I was almost relieved when he started to go down. I curled handfuls of the blanket into my fists, to squeeze. I was breathing very fast, I couldn't help it.

His feet were on the ground at the base of the bed. He was unbuckling my belt. The jeans were hand-me-downs from Toby, and very loose. He was able to grab the fabric and yank it down to my knees without even unbuttoning the waistband.

I felt the humid air on my bare thighs. I had soft plain black boxers. The soft blonde hairs on my thighs were sticking up through nervousness or cold or something. It felt funny when he drew his hands across my thighs, smoothing down the almost-invisible hairs.

Something was building up in my chest. A terrible anxiety. For a single moment I just wanted to roll away. To lash out with my feet and fists, anything to get out of this situation. For a single moment, it was unbearable, but then he pulled down my boxers and it just went away. I was meek and complacent again. I looked down, I couldn't help it.

Despite the turmoil in my mind, things were relatively simple down there. My cock was resting on my stomach like a hot hard stone. There was even a patch of precome on the slightly rough skin of the glans. Then I saw his hand wrap around it, and I tilted my head back as he engulfed my cock in his mouth. I grunted softly, but after that I bit my lip. I didn't want to make noises, especially with Drake watching.

He was good. Maybe he wasn't, and I just had no experience, but it felt very good. If I hadn't been feeling so sick and scared, I would have come right away. He cupped my buttocks in his hands and squeezed and groped. I felt a single note of perfect white-hot panic as his fingertip brushed against my anus.

Then my head thrashed to the side and I heard a low painful sound. I was making that sound. My orgasm felt weird and muted. Not as strong as when I just jerked off.

He wiped his mouth and smiled up at me. I smiled tentatively back, even though I felt the urge to vomit. He stood up and sat on the bed. His pants were unzipped and halfway down his thighs. His buttocks were pale and doughy and covered in stretch marks and blemishes. He was stroking his cock.

"Come here sweetheart." He panted, looking at me with half-lidded eyes.

My legs were weak. I pulled up my boxers as I sprung up and got on my knees in front of him. My thighs were trembling. Weak with orgasm or revulsion, I wasn't sure. My belt buckle jingled.

His cock was short and thick and bright red. I lowered my head onto it, and suddenly things were routine. His cock wasn't Mr. Browning's, and his fat thighs pressed in on either side of my head, but at least I knew what I was doing again. When he put his hands on my head I started to feel claustrophobic.

Out of nowhere, suddenly his cock was pulsating. I tasted his come and I tried to pull back but his hands kept me close. I choked and come dribbled over my lower lip. He let me go and I fell back so my ass was resting on my ankles. My mouth was full of sour bitter come. I didn't wipe it because I didn't have anything to wipe it with. I didn't swallow because my stomach was queasy and I knew that if I did I would puke. Some of it dribbled down on my chest.

He was getting up, pulling up his pants, and suddenly he was gone. No words, no apologies, no anything. I looked up and saw some crumpled bills on the bed. I got up shakily and pulled up my pants. I tried to buckle my belt but my hands were shaking too badly.

Drake came in. He was wiping my mouth and chest with a paper towel.

"Th-Thanks." I whispered. I looked up into his big dark eyes, and I realized that he wasn't wearing eyeliner like I first thought. He had very heavy black eyelashes, they were like soft hedges around his black eyes. They softened his eyes, and edged them in a natural mascara. He was beautiful.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly, resting his hand on my bare shoulder. His hand wasn't heavy. It was light, and the fingertips were soft and dry.

I took a few deep breaths to try and calm down. His hand helped. After I felt a little steadier, I nodded. "I think so."

Matter-of-factly. "Stick your tongue out." I did and he wiped it with a clean part of the brown paper towel. He dug in his pocket as I buckled my belt with a little more success. "Mint?" He offered me a wrapped lifesaver mint and I accepted it gratefully. It washed out the bitter taste.

My legs still felt weak, so I sat heavily on the corner of the bed. "Can I... rest for a minute?" I asked quietly. My voice was still a little shaky. He nodded, picking up my t-shirt from the floor and tossing it to me. 

"Sure Ryan."

He took off his jacket and flung it over the radiator to dry. My umbrella was hanging from the hooked handle of the doorknob. He yanked the comforter from where it was tucked in and wrapped it around my shoulders. The quilted fabric was poor-quality, itchy, and smelling like sweat and cheap detergent. It was warm, and it felt good on my cold skin. I pulled it around close, enjoying the purely physical comfort of the blanket, and trying not to think about the claustrophobic panic that I had endured moments before.

Drake sat next to me and put an arm around my shoulders. There was no artifice, no coyness, no trickery. He just comforted me. I leaned against him when he pulled me in, feeling how warm his pale skin was. I started to cry a little, but I was able to stop it quick.

"Do you think you'll be back?" He asked quietly. I could hear his heart beating.

"I have to."

And that was the truth, but I wasn't sure if I meant for my family, or for the man that I had already fallen for so desperately hard.

*

*Hope you liked chapter one!

Remember to keep your eyes peeled for my Nude Day submission, 'The Goats'. I only have a few pages left to finish, so it should show up on the first day of the contest.

Kisses and Spanks,

--Cruel