12 comments/ 12164 views/ 13 favorites Eric's Eagle By: jenn313 Wow!! Look at the time of the year!! But what a great time to read a story about nature and human life than in the greatest time of the year...spring!! Yes, this was for the Arbor Day challenge but I don't care. Still show your appreciation by commenting and liking the story. Special thanks to WayneSB for spending his time and effort on making this story better. Love, jenn313 ------- It had been three years since Eric entered Grand Oak National Park's very own Camp Otsego. Six years too soon, he kept saying to himself. He knew it was a bad idea from the get-go, but he still felt he needed to do it. He wanted so much to be back there, to return to where he found his true love. He wondered how it would turn out, and he knew damn well it would be difficult. He drove toward the campgrounds where the tourists and visitors were to stay. There were four main lodges, named after the four Great Lakes that touch Michigan. He loved the landscape and the breathtaking view of the mountains of the Upper Peninsula, but now he could think only of Erie Lodge. Eric loved Camp Otsego in the springtime. One reason was that the place had that special spring vibe when the flowers bloom, preparing their life-giving seeds for a new year. The birds return from their migration and their songs enliven the place. Bears and other mammals wake up from hibernation, making the landscape even more alive. Sure, the area was well known for its winter and summer resorts, plus the colors of autumn, but springtime made Grand Oak National Park a place to die for. Another reason was that it means Earth Day is just around the corner. The park always had a big Earth Day celebration. Festivities will be staged during the week leading up to Earth Day, followed by the popular "All Green-All Day" Earth Day event. That was part of what brought Eric back this year. His sister was the events planner for the "All Green-All Day" celebration and invited Eric to be a volunteer counselor for the "Go Green" children's trek. Laura knew that Eric loved children, and what better way for him to have some fun than to lead the children's group around the national park? Of course, there would be the hassle of preparation, ensuring that every kid had the supplies necessary to enjoy the trek, and he would need to be patient with the little tykes for them to have any fun. Finally, he needed to have a first aid kit handy, just in case. Even so, he was sure it would be a great experience. While all this seemed great, Eric knew the real reason he was returning. It was the same reason he could not look at Erie lodge without remembering the great times he had enjoyed there. He was grateful he didn't have to stay in that lodge, because he knew without a doubt that all the great memories would trigger the most horrible nightmares of his twenty-four years. Eric stepped out of his car and took a good look at himself in the rearview mirror. Nothing much had changed physically since he first set foot here six years before. His black hair still shone brightly, the luminous sun giving it a distinct blue highlight. He reminded himself to shave when he was able because his five o'clock shadow was starting to show. "Hey little brother, you're here, and narcissistic as ever!" Eric jumped at the shrill voice in his ear. Standing at only 5' 8", his sister was still able to give him a crushing hug. "Hi, Laura, how's it going?" he gasped, struggling for air while trying not to show his pain from Laura's bear hug. "Oh, fine. Just getting ready for the Earth Day celebration," she said, releasing his gasping body. "You're such a wimp, lil' bro'," she said playfully while stroking his black hair. "Yeah, it's been a while," was all he could get out before an awkward silence descended. It really had been quite a while since Eric had last seen his sister Laura, or his family for that matter. Eight months to be exact. Eric knew that whatever the reason Laura brought him here, it was due in part to her finally being able to break away from the Holden household and be independent. She broke the silence with "Here, let me take you to your room," and took his suitcase. Eric took the two remaining bags from his trunk and followed. Not much had changed since his visit here three years ago: Same lodges, same amazing scenery, same cheery camp counselors and park rangers. Normally, all the positive energy would make him happy. Instead, he was morose. ------------- "Remember students, all of you have been assigned a room. Please be respectful and follow lodge rules at all times. Curfew is at 10:30 p.m., so make sure you get to your rooms by then. We don't want these great counselors and park rangers to waste their time finding teenagers in compromising positions late at night." Eric had already learned the guidelines when Mr. Gillen handed them out back at Marquette Academy. Now he was just tired and impatient. He really just wanted a quick nap before heading to the waterfalls. Part of his grumpiness was due to the fact that he was assigned to room with a total tree-hugging nerd and the Erie Lodge were full of geeks, while Huron Lodge had the kind of people he hung with the most. He hated Mr. Gillen for assigning him to Erie, he hated that Advanced Life Science had turned out not to be a class he could just blow off for senior year. He also hated the fact that he was stuck with none other than Kevin Miller, science nerd as roommate. Kevin preferred to be called an intellectual badass, but most of the jocks and their respective "baits" called him science fag. Eric hated him, mostly because he was valedictorian and his senior schedule was filled with classes that the college-bound love to take. With AP and Honors courses thrown all over the place, Kevin was ensuring himself the best chance to make his mark at an Ivy League school. Kevin would usually call people who taunted him with "science fag" haters, but deep down it hurt. As soon as Mr. Gillen gave them permission to go to their assigned rooms, Eric took off, hoping to be the first one there, lock the door, and have a good afternoon nap before heading off to the waterfalls with his crew. He was too late, for Kevin had beaten him to the room. "This is going to be the longest four days of my life, thanks to this fag," he muttered under his breath. He knew without a doubt that Kevin had heard, and he felt bad, a little. The antagonism was mostly due to the uneasiness he felt whenever Kevin was around. Eric admired Kevin's amazing reddish-blond hair and slim physique. He shook those visions out of his head and immediately tended to business. What is his problem? Kevin wondered. They had been together in their room for a mere thirty seconds before Eric dropped the f-bomb. It was just too much for a guy to take. Kevin had been so happy and excited to finally get here. He had been waiting for this trip ever since he dropped his AP Macroeconomics course to take this class. He had anticipated it all year long, the only event he had really looked forward to, much more even than Prom or Graduation. With High School nearing its end, he was certainly looking forward to never seeing many people's faces after this was over, that's for sure. He knew most of the hurt was because the word came out of the one and only Eric Holden. He had thought he was excited about the field trip, but he had been ecstatic when he learned Eric Holden was to be his camp roomie. Sure, the minute they were acquainted and had all their stuff stowed away, they would go in different directions, but he wanted to cherish those few moments. Now the trip had soured when he heard the first f-bomb thrown at him, and from none other than Eric Holden himself. He sighed deeply. I hate being so emotional, he thought to himself, as his eyes brimmed with tears. He tried his best to make it seem he was looking out the balcony window, refusing to let Eric see tears in his eyes. He regained some strength from a blue jay that landed on his balcony and then flew off to its flock. Kevin was determined to look out the window until he was sure Eric was gone. After twenty minutes, he heard the door open and slam shut. The tears finally came, and he threw himself onto his bed, crying his eyes out. "Fuck you Eric Holden! Fuck you," he screamed at the top of his lungs, his mouth covered by the pillow. Why am I in love with such a douchebag, he thought to himself. He should have known it was bad news the first time he heard Eric call him a fag during sophomore year, but even then, he could not stop worshiping the ground the man walked on. He even had a little fantasy that they would grow up together. It would be Eric Holden the Super Bowl-winning quarterback and Nobel Peace Prizewinner Kevin Lockhart, married with three kids. He knew it was a dream, but he didn't give a damn. Kevin felt those dreams become more unrealistic every time Eric and his crew expressed their feelings about Kevin by calling him "Kevin Miller, aka science fag." He felt sleepy and grabbed his iPod, switched shuffle mode to his "Pop Divaz" playlist and listened, calming himself, his body jiving to Madonna's Express Yourself. Somehow, he always felt that the powerful ode to femininity cheered him up. His eyelids grew heavier and heavier by the minute, finally closing, and the last image, as always, was Eric's beautiful lips meeting Kevin's own. ------------ "Who knew Earth Day week needed all this help?" Eric asked as he and Laura pushed their way through the crowded cabin for employees and volunteers, where everyone was trying to move to their own rooms. "I know, it seems like a lot, but the Earth Day weekend is the busiest time for the park. You of all people should know that, wimp," Laura said in her cheery mood, trying to lighten the atmosphere. Eric seemed uncomfortable; it was the third time he had accidentally stepped on some poor soul's foot. As they finally arrived at his room, Laura warned Eric not to make a face. "I don't care if you are my baby brother, you are getting the same treatment as everyone else up here." She threw the suitcase onto the small bed and opened the curtains, making the dark room bright with the afternoon sun. Eric liked the sun, but not when the rays were shining directly into the little room he now had to live in for a week. "It's fine; really, I just have to get used to all the light." He then carefully placed all his other bags inside the little closet that each room had. The good thing was that every room had its own little heater; the bad thing was that showers were communal. He did not really want to share showers with people he did not know. "Also having to wake up early if I want to take a shower, but other than that it's all good." Then the awkwardness returned and silence filled the room until Eric said, "Hey want to go have lunch together? I really missed you." Laura answered with a sheepish grin and grabbed Eric's hand. He wondered how a petite little hand like Laura's could bring such a warm and loving feeling with a touch. He was tired. Driving all the way from Washington D.C. to the U.P. was no easy thing, but for his big sis, he would do anything. She nodded, but warned him that the food in the camp had not improved. Eric laughed and pushed his darling sister into the hall. "Let's go, I want to catch up on everything, for old time's sake." He felt bad, really bad, about Laura. It wasn't her fault, the falling-out he had had with his parents or the tragedies in his life. She was the only person in the whole family who accepted him the way he was, and that really made him tear up. Then why did he feel so awkward and unsettled with Laura? He had no real animosity towards her, but the fact that she still clung to Mother and Father Holden really ticked him off. He shrugged those feelings away and followed her to the mess hall. Okay, things have changed after all! Three years ago, the mess hall at Camp Otsego had contained benches made of real wood that seemed to constantly shed vast quantities of painful splinters. Now they were made of plastic, the only real change. He wondered what had become of the wooden benches. They each grabbed a tray and got a small sampling of the day's menu: Chipped beef and coleslaw. At least the drinks had not changed much: Grape, orange or apple juice. He remembered how the first time he had eaten the chipped beef here he had thought it would be his last. "I still don't get how the chipped beef can smell so good but keep me in the bathroom for so long," he mused as they sat down in the counselor corner. They joined three of the other counselors and volunteers who were "enjoying" their portion of food as well. Eric met John, the Superior Lodge supervisor, an average-looking thirty-year-old; Shelly, who volunteered for the "All Green-All Day" festivities; and Mark, a volunteer who be Eric's partner leading the tyke trek. "So you volunteered for the little monsters, too," Mark quickly joked. Eric was trying to enjoy his chipped beef. "Yeah, I love kids," he said, while he washed down his first mouthful with a big gulp of apple juice. "Do you have children?" asked Mark, trying to keep the conversation going. "No. I would like to someday, but no." Eric's stomach dropped. He did not feel like eating anymore. When Mark asked if there was something wrong, Eric didn't answer, but just grabbed his tray, took it to the dishwasher station, and ran off. He didn't care where he went, but just ran farther and farther away. It wasn't until he felt a tug on his arm that he realized Laura had caught up to him. "Eric, I'm sorry for all of this. I shouldn't have forced you to come here. It was too soon." He did not say anything, but just hugged her, holding on as if she was his last lifeline, crying. "No, it's not your fault. I chose to come here. Remember, it was my idea." They held each other for a long time, Eric basking in the warm feeling only his sister could bring. He began to wonder, is it too soon? ------------ "For the first day you will be partnering up with your roommate and you both will go through the list of specific flora and fauna I have compiled. Find them and notice their characteristics; notice their traits; and most of all notice their habitat. Please, for the love of God, do not, and I mean do not, disturb the creatures. Do not take flash photography. I do not want to report a death just because someone thought it was cute to take a picture of someone with their hands in the air making it seem as if they are holding a bear. You have all day for this challenge. Please, I want you to stick with your roommate partner through this. Do not switch partners. Now, go! Go!" Just fucking great! Kevin was going to be stuck with his longtime crush for a whole day. One part of him, the horny side, was ecstatic that he was going to spend a whole day with him. The other, the rational side, was nervous, fearing that there would be more f-bombs like last night. Kevin looked at Eric, but then wished he hadn't. Eric's nostrils were flared and he was scowling. Eric did not like this idea at all, so Kevin tried to hide his happiness. Kevin already annoyed Eric with his assorted snow hats that he wore each week, even during the warmer months. This week it was a light green beanie with two big lazy eyes, a small tongue at the center and two small ears protruding at the back of the head. It was Gir from Invader Zim. What a geek! Kevin was cautious, but nonetheless led the way on their expedition. They had gone a quarter of a mile when Kevin stopped. "Why do you guys hate me?" "What?" Eric showed his discomfort. "Don't play dumb with me! You and that blonde bimbo and your football cronies came to our room yesterday, complaining about your rooming with the fag." Eric's face changed from a glorious shade of tan to a stricken pale. "What are you talking about?" "I just said don't play fucking dumb with me! You know, it's one thing to talk shit about someone behind his back, or when you think he's listening to music, but it's quite another to actually make sure he's there before you assholes start ranting about how you should be careful about sleeping in case the fag decides to molest you and tries to suck your cock." There was a deafening silence. Eric could not say anything nor could he look into Kevin's pained eyes. Finally, "I'm sorry," escaped his lips, and even he knew it was lame. "Save it, really! Your pathetic apologies mean nothing to me." Kevin resumed walking the path to their first task, to find the Canada Mayflower. It had been a long thirty minutes before either of them spoke again. Kevin mused, "People wonder why I love animals so much, and why I'm so in touch with nature. It's because animals and nature cannot hurt people. Only people can hurt other people." Then Kevin sighed and the two of them continued their quest. Eric felt so bad that whenever he dared to look at the walking figure five feet away he felt his heart breaking. The weird thing is that I wasn't worried about Kevin jumping me in my sleep; it's the other way around, Eric thought. He knew he couldn't keep his feelings from the smaller man much longer. He hated himself every time he called Kevin a fag. He knew deep inside that the only reason he used such words was that he was tormented by his own sexuality. Sure, he loved the curves and feel of a woman's body, but he would rather feel the body of a Mr. Kevin Miller. That was why he was annoyed that he was stuck with Kevin as his roommate. He suspected that it would not be long before he jumped Kevin's sweet, tight body. Somehow, he had to make things right. Kevin felt the larger figure loom near, but decided to ignore it. When he felt a tug on his arm, he became alarmed. "I said I was sorry, Kevin," Eric said, pain in his eyes. "And I told you I don't care," Kevin spat, while removing the hand and walking toward a spring. Let's see if he likes it when the tables turned! Eric heard a zipper being pulled and then saw pants being pulled down to reveal a perfect pair of pale legs. "Kevin, what are you doing?" The answer was Kevin's purple shirt flying into his face. "What does it look like? I'm gonna have a good old-fashioned skinny-dip." He took off his socks, followed by his briefs. Damn, what a body he has! Eric could really see Kevin's figure for the first time. Not bad, really, for such an eco-geek. Just that one look at Kevin's tight little bubble butt had Eric gasping for air and fighting to control the tightening in his pants. He was shocked and just stood there in silence as Kevin dove into the spring, head first. Kevin quickly wondered if maybe he should have considered things more before acting. Damn it, it is fucking cold! "Well are you just gonna stand there and look hot?" shouted Kevin as he pretended not to be effected by the cold water. Eric just shook his head and told him he shouldn't have jumped into the water headfirst. "Why the hell would you care? Come on, chicken! I thought football players were supposed to be strong and brave! Don't tell me a dinky little spring has got you scared." Wow, he really knew how to push Eric's buttons. "Alright you little fuck, turn around. I don't want you getting all aroused by my gorgeous body." Kevin mimed "Oh, please!" Nevertheless, he was aroused at the mere mention of Eric's hot body. I hope the fulfillment of all my fantasies of playing with that beautiful body is a mere skinny-dip away! Quickly, Eric took off his long-sleeved shirt, sweater and jeans, followed by his socks. He did not dare to take his boxer shorts off before jumping into the pool. What the fuck?!?!, was his reaction to the chilly water. Eric's Eagle "I really should've thought harder about this before," said Kevin through chattering teeth. His already-pale skin showed more of a milky complexion, and his strawberry-blond hair covered his eyes. "You will be the death of me yet, Kevin Miller!" It was then that Eric felt a toe touch his boxer-clad hip. "What the hell, are you wearing clothing on this expedition?" "Why the hell would you care, you're the one trying to seduce me with your evil charms." Kevin's eyes grew large, for he was alarmed at Eric's statement. He didn't know if it was sarcastic or honest, so he meekly said, "I'm sorry, Eric. I didn't mean to lead you on like this." He cocked his head down, droopy-eyed and said, "I guess I really am just some fag trying to seduce you, huh?" A tear escaped his beautiful green eyes. Eric, this is your chance! Show him how you really feel about him before it's too late. In a flash, Eric kicked off his boxers, threw them to the bank, and swam closer to Kevin. He touched Kevin's slender arms. He was pleased to see Kevin react with an instant moan. He slid his arms upward, cupping Kevin's heart-shaped face. "Eric, what are you doing?" asked a suddenly panting Kevin. "Quiet beautiful, before it's too late," Eric's thumb flicking across Kevin's thin pink lips, then his hands reached down and cupped Kevin's smooth buttocks like they were freshly baked bread. He felt an instant thrill when their steely cocks touched each other under the cold water. Then their lips touched. They locked together in a special bonding moment and both knew then that they had found their one true love. -------------- Eric woke up to the sound of the alarm. 7:00 A.M. He groaned, but nonetheless yanked himself out of the thin bed. He could hear the birds chirping, and a light wind rustled loose branches and newborn leaves. He took the fresh spring air, something very uncommon in Washington D.C., into his lungs. He reveled in the moment until he remembered that he shared a bath with half the staff, and then quickly grabbed his toiletries. He was too late. There were already three people waiting in line. He knew this was something he had to get used to, but he didn't have to like it. He groaned even more when he realized Mark was behind him. "Hey. Mark." That was lame, he knew, but he did not want to relive yesterday's experience. He did not want to run off again and cry on Laura's shoulder. Instead, he took the offensive. "So, ready to have fun with the little terrors?" "Oh yeah, you bet. I really love kids," Mark said in a cautious voice. "I have two of my own, twins, 18 months. They are the most beautiful things I have ever seen." "Aw, congrats!" The line then began to move. "Man, I hope they leave some hot water for us!" Both began to mellow out with the string of witticisms that Mark delivered. Kevin found himself more relaxed with each minute spent with Mark. He was glad, because he didn't want their whole week with the children to be awkward. After finally taking his five-minute shower with less than steaming-hot water, he ran downstairs to find Laura. It was time to plan his first trek with the children. He was eager to have some quality time with the little kids, but he was skeptical that families would give their children to a gay man. He knew there should not be any objections, but he had to make sure. He found Laura and was surprised to see a little blond boy in her arms. Eric was dumbfounded when Laura handed the boy to him. "Hey Eric, meet your little nephew, Joshua," she said with a perky smile. "I thought he was going to stay with the grandparents this whole weekend, what gives?" He was glad to be holding the toddler, but the little boy was starting to pull Eric's right ear. Laura commented on how adorable they looked together. Eric just winced from the pain little Joshua was causing to his ear. "Hey is there going to be any problem with parents? Having a gay man take care of their kids...is there?" He tried to sound as serious as possible but Joshua's playful antics were not helping. "You are too serious sometimes. Of course not," she said as she set about preparing for the celebration. Eric realized that he was being irrational. "I know it's nothing to worry about. It's just," he stopped for a moment before looking around at the families, "I would never forgive myself if something were to happen to any of the little ones." Laura gave him a sympathetic smile and took Joshua from him. "You know what your problem is," she started, but he already knew. Everyone thinks it's so easy to just forget about everything, but it never happens like that. God knows, it never happens like that. People tend to think that one can forget all about the bitter pain, but no one can. "I already know. Don't bother telling me." Laura handed little Joshua back. "Hey is it okay if you take Joshua with you? You have to go with Mark and make a route for tomorrow." Eric really did not want to deal with little Joshua while making up a trek. What if he got fussy and wanted his mother? But he did want to spend time with his nephew, so he said, "Okay." He was apprehensive, though. Who wouldn't be? He did not want a crying baby all day long. Eric didn't want to fail at possibly his only chance at parenting. "Don't worry, he's not a crybaby like you, little bro." He made a face at her, rolled his eyes, and went on his way. Eric had to admit that he loved the way little Josh squeezed his nose as if it was a big button. This is going to get really old really fast, he thought as Josh began to pull his hair. "Hey, how would you like to see the place your Uncle Eric kissed your Uncle Kevin for the first time?" Gibberish spewed from little Joshua. Eric took that as a yes. -------------- Kevin was on cloud nine later that night. Not only had his dream man kissed him, but also it had not been just a quick kiss. There had been a whole make-out session in the swimming hole for who knows how long. He was quick to remember that during that make out session he had blown his load. He thanked God that Eric hadn't noticed his sudden convulsions or his gasps. But Kevin had felt the thick jet Eric had let loose. They had both broken it off as soon as they heard another group in the distance. Kevin could not control himself; he was dancing left and right, putting his gleeful joy into dance. Eric Holden is mine, he's really mine, he wants me and he is mine. He was too joyful to notice that it was five minutes past the 10:30 P.M. curfew, and still Eric had not returned. He nearly fell when he saw that Eric had come through the door. Eric was wide-eyed with enjoyment of Kevin's sexy dance. Kevin, though, blushed a deep crimson. "Has anyone ever told you how sexy you look when your cute ass is wiggling around everywhere?" he said, as flirty as he could manage, which only made Kevin's red face that much redder. "Hey I want you to come with me," he said, changing the subject. "Why?" Kevin was cautious. He may be a rebel in terms of being liberal around a school population that is mostly conservative, but even he followed the rules like a good little schoolboy. "You know its way past curfew. I don't want to get in trouble, and besides, it might be really cold." He tried to be as firm as he could be, but one touch from Eric was all it took break his resolve. "Come on baby, I want to show you a really cool place. It's really nice. I know you'll like it." He knew it was wrong, but the spell that Eric cast was irresistible, so he went along. Kevin knew it was a bad idea, mostly because this was happening much too fast. Not only had he finally told Eric his feelings, but it seemed Eric felt the same way about him. They had kissed to the point of blowing their loads. Now it seemed that there was a place in the cold night that was too important to miss. Kevin shivered as he wondered how far this magical place was, and berated himself for not wearing a coat. Only the hand that Eric held was warm. He held on for dear life as he felt an unearthly vibe coming from his guide. Kevin felt as if he were floating in midair. He had butterflies in his stomach, and Eric's touch raised goose bumps. His cock was straining at the restriction of his underwear, just waiting to be released. Eric persuaded Kevin to allow him to put a ribbon over his eyes, thus making Kevin rely solely on Eric. He felt Eric pause and sighed in relief. Kevin was worried that everything Eric was doing was part of some huge trick. He would be all cheery and happy, letting Eric take him somewhere only to have all of his crew there to berate and humiliate him. It made him cringe to think like that, but what was there to think of? He knew better than to think positive. He had always had to think on his feet, and now more than usual he was on high alert. He wanted to trust Eric so much, but his instinct told him not to be so trusting, but to be on his toes. Kevin had nothing but his muffled hearing to indicate where Eric might be taking him. All he could hear was snapping twigs and the rustling of the wind against thin branches. His heart was racing as he hoped this was not a trick. God, he really hoped it was not a trick. All his worries were abruptly ended when Eric stood still and murmured, "All right babe, we're here." Kevin could hear the joy in Eric's voice. Once the blindfold was removed, there was no stopping Kevin's awestruck expression. "Oh my God, Eric, this place is beautiful." Kevin was completely mesmerized by the spectacular view before him. Eric, teary-eyed himself, could see a lone tear running down Kevin's beautiful cheek, dropping to the dirt. Eric moved behind Kevin, holding him, wrapping his arms around the smaller man as they both looked at the spectacular beauty. They stared at the beautiful full moon shining bright in the center of the clear, star-lit night sky. The glossy light of the moon sparkled off the choppy waters of Lake Superior, adding an ethereal and hauntingly powerful quality to the lake and surrounding land. Birds were in the process of migrating north, so dozens of birds flew over the young lovers, much to the astonishment of both kids. It was a wonderful, breathtaking experience for them both. The cool wind began to pick up, sending a chill over them. Eric noticed the way the light wind would flick Kevin's hair tantalizingly over his neck. He pulled Kevin close, their bodies fitting together as Eric slowly reached for Kevin's hands. He was apprehensive at first. Kevin returned the grip, assuring Eric that he not only approved but also was thankful for the touch. "Thank you Eric, for bringing me here. This is the most beautiful place I've ever seen," he said, his voice hoarse, but still effective enough for Eric to hear it like music to his ears. Damn you Sloop. I have never, ever been so effected by a compliment. He kissed the back of Kevin's head, getting a strong whiff of the coconut shampoo Kevin used. Damn! Even his hair smells exquisite! Kevin turned around, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, his lips holding a smile as gentle as Eric's touch. "This is so beautiful. I really don't know what to say. I love this place so much. And I'm so happy to be sharing it with you." A tear ran down his cheek once again, this time to be cleaned off by Eric. "I love this place, I love the way you hold me, I love the way you make me feel, but most importantly I love you." He quickly followed-up the revelation with a strong kiss. He dared not give Eric a chance to think about the sudden revelation thrown at him. Eric accepted the kiss and both young men lost themselves in the euphoria of smooching with the one they loved and cherished. They lay on the ground together; Eric cupping Kevin's face as he caressed those sweet lips he now had experienced. Who knew how long they were there? All they knew was that they had each other from then on. -------------- "So, how was it hanging out with your nephew?" asked the joyful Laura. She quickly lowered her voice when she saw that Joshua was asleep in Eric's arms. "It was great until he fell and hit his head on a rock." Eric showed her the slight bruise on Joshua's left temple. "I'm really sorry. I should've looked out for him, but I got so emotional when I showed him the place where I met Kevin...." He choked, barely holding in the tears. He did not want to cry in front of Laura and especially not in front of everyone else. He found it in himself not to cry. "I'm sorry, really. I should've taken more care of him." "Don't be. It's okay. He is a bit of a klutz, like his father. They're both such nerds. It's going to be a bad day in the Wabash household when I find Joshua doing physics exercises. I'm going to freak." Both found lighthearted humor in Laura's marriage. Eric was happy for Laura, though. She had been the ultimate embodiment of the typical spoiled brat of a daddy's girl back in high school. She could not go anywhere without the Amex and the prized Lamborghini that Dad had bought her for her Sweet 16. She was captain of the cheerleading squad and dated only men who looked like museum paintings. It changed during her sophomore year in high school when she paired up with the geeky Derek Wabash. The Holden household strictly prohibited her from seeing him, saying Derek would cost her the Amex and all other luxuries. She found she could do without the luxuries! "Has anyone ever said you two make the cutest couple ever?" "No, you're the only one," she teased while taking Joshua from him. "I miss him too much, though. He's off to a physics conference and I won't be able to see him for another week." "You love him a lot do you?" "Yeah. God, I would do anything for that man. People stare at us because they think we're mismatched. I just brush it off, but he's always sensitive about it. I guess it can be overwhelming, sometimes. I love him with all my heart, but he has serious trust issues. He thinks he's not good enough for me. Silly, I know, but he always tells me that how beautiful I am makes it tough for him. He wonders how a green-eyed beauty like me could fall for a big doe-eyed geek like him. He's so insecure sometimes that it hurts." She put Joshua in his playpen. Eric was a little envious that a park ranger got much better treatment than camp volunteers did, but it was the price to pay for accepting her invitation to see her. "Hey, I made some bitchin' lemonade, my first try and it worked. Want some?" Eric had to admit he was thirsty, but her use of eighties slang really made him bridle. "Boy, Derek must be a real geek if you still use cheesy eighties slang." He burst out laughing, risking Joshua waking up. "Hey quiet, you big gorilla, you're gonna wake him up." She took out a jar of lemonade, and filled two glasses. This was a great time for them to finally catch up on the past three years. She tried to avoid any topics that could bring painful memories. The last thing she wanted was a repeat of yesterday, with Eric bawling his eyes out and then withdrawing. It went better than she expected, and they talked about many things. Much of it was mundane or irrelevant, such as the weather in Washington, or a specific movie. They laughed as they reminisced about past times they had shared. They did not realize time was passing until little Joshua woke up. Eric glanced at the clock and realized it was five past six o'clock. "Oh my God, look at the time. We should get going." Laura took the young boy into her arms and he quickly calmed down with the soothing presence of his mother. Eric knew he shouldn't be envious of Laura and her new family. He shouldn't, but damn he did feel jealous because this is what he wanted out of life. He wanted to have this, and he regretted his own actions that had provided the driving force that destroyed his dreams. -------------- "All right everyone, we are going to have the traditional S'mores Night bonfire. We do this the night before the big Earth Day event. Now, as you all know, I am very keen on the partner method, but today I have decided that you folks are old enough and responsible enough to be on your own for this campfire celebration. Please take care of your surroundings by not littering. Do not fail the whole field trip by failing to dispose of that piece of trash in its proper place. Do not go off into the night. I have already heard complaints about some students wandering off. Now go and have fun." Damn it! Kevin glanced over at Eric and saw, with a tint of jealousy and dread, how Eric's crew surrounded him. He knew he shouldn't get upset, but he just couldn't control his feelings when he saw blonde bimbo Brittany Heatherton wrap her porcelain hands around Eric, holding on to him like some lust-driven dog. Her face seemed to practically scream, "Do me, Eric Holden". It disgusted him, but he knew better, right? Kevin knew that Eric had actually called him a boyfriend. But what did that mean, really? He knew Eric had taken him out to that beautiful spot last night, and Kevin knew without a doubt that Eric had said that he loved him, followed by Eric officially asking him out. He knew that out was different from the other out. For all he knew, Eric was not out of the closet at all. It angered him that here Eric was, practically Kevin's official boyfriend, locking hands with Brittany. "Why am I so retarded?" he huffed under his breath. I should have listened to my brain instead of my dick, 'cause now look where it got me. He knew he shouldn't have said those dreaded three words to Eric. Eric seemed fine with it, and after the steamy make out session under the stars, Eric had asked for Kevin's hand, in a way. "Kevin, I know we haven't known each other for long. I know that we roll in different circles and everything, but I have to ask you. Will you give me the honor of going out with me? I know this sounds cliché and all, but we can skip all the movies, bowling and restaurant crap. I want to have the chance to know you better, to know why all of a sudden I fell for this charming, sweet man. I want to know more about you, and not just on the outside, but on the inside as well. I...I love you, too!" Kevin remembered hearing those endearing words directly from Eric's lips, but now he began to wonder if those words were just...words. Kevin could not shake off his funk. He felt like a fool for having believed everything Eric said. He glanced quietly around, seeing all the people socializing and whatnot. He felt so alone that it hurt. A part of him kicked himself for jumping to take this class that was offered solely for the jocks and stoners as an easy credit. Now here he was, looking miserable and staring at all the underachievers as they chatted away the entire night. He mentally berated himself whenever he glanced at Eric. He looked damn fine in that tight blue shirt that hugged his pecs and six-pack so wonderfully that it should be outlawed. Kevin watched in awe as the wind and Eric's movements made his hard muscles show through the silky shirt. Then he watched in dread as that whore laced her fingers around areas that only Kevin should now be permitted to touch. It reached the breaking point when the two locked lips. "I can't stand it anymore," he mumbled, as he ground his teeth in jealousy and left the campfire. He told Mr. Gillen that he was not feeling well and left for the cabin. There, at least, he could cry himself to sleep. He had wasted this trip for what, Eric? He felt like such an idiot for falling for Eric's tricks. He had nearly reached the cabin when a hand stopped him dead in his tracks. "Let go of me, you asshole! Go back to your trick and stop making fun of my feelings," he spat at Eric. He tried to hide his face from his perfect Eric. Hide his face so Eric would not see the tears; "Who do you think you are anyway? Eric's Eagle Someone who can play with someone's feelings as if they are some marionette? Who the hell told you it's okay to play with feelings like that? It must have been really simple for you: 'Oh, I think I'm gonna have some fun with the eco-fag. He ain't gonna do shit. I'll have my fun and discard him once I'm done." "Kevin, please stop! Please! I...I'm sorry...I never meant to hurt you." Eric gave him a reassuring hug. He thought all the problems would disappear with a little physical contact. Kevin did, in fact, calm down some, but the fact that a minute ago Eric was kissing that whore and now was here unsettled him. Wasn't he the one saying they would be together? "Can I ask you a question?" asked Kevin quietly. "Is it really true what you said yesterday, all of it? I don't want to be hurt by lies..." he couldn't stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. "It will hurt me, but just tell me, so I won't stand here and expect things that will never come true." Eric felt horrible for appearing to double-cross Kevin like that. After all the things he had promised Kevin, to then do something so horrible as to have that trollop kiss him was like kicking a bag of puppies. He knew he had to make this right; he had too much at stake here. All he could see right now was Kevin looking up at the night sky, the stars glittering in the heavens like milky jewels. "You know, there's a reason I don't let people in much. There's a reason I don't trust people as much as I wish I could trust you." Kevin stood quietly for a moment before looking straight into Eric's misty eyes, then looking up at the night sky. "I came out to my parents when I was fifteen. My mom was okay with it, but I knew that my dad was upset at first. I knew it wouldn't matter, though, because I had Ryan." Eric cocked his eyes at him. Who is this Ryan? "He was my one and only best friend and the sole reason I came out to my parents. We confessed our feelings for each other a year before, about the time I lost my virginity to him. We decided it was okay for my parents to know. Sure, my dad was uncomfortable at first, but then he began to read books and watch tapes about how to raise a gay son. The problem was his parents." He took Eric's hand and held it tightly, speaking with an even tone while telling him about his past. "We were always careful while staying at his house, except once. I knew from the start it was a terrible idea, but our teenage hormones took over. His mother caught us. It was horrible, the most horrible experience in my life. I knew it was my own damn fault for pressuring Ryan into doing it." His voice broke after that and he began to cry tears of sadness, guilt, shame and anger all wrapped up together. "If I could take it all back I would." He was in full breakdown mode by then, but he didn't care. "I was so ashamed and pissed off with myself. That is why I have trouble trusting people. I feel like I'm not worth being trusted. That's why when you told me all those things yesterday I held back. I didn't want a repetition of what happened with Ryan." Eric could only soothe his sad lover by stroking his hair. Eventually, words came: "I'm sorry for your loss. I really am." "Don't be sorry for me, be sorry for Ryan. His parents moved to Nashville and they showed him one of those ex-gay camps where they tell you they can change your orientation by praying to God and all that bullshit. They say the only way to have a chance of going to Heaven is to pray for God's forgiveness, otherwise you'll be sent to eternal damnation and all that jazz. He constantly called me, telling me how miserable he was, how he wanted to be with me. All I could do was hear his pain and just cry my eyes out. It was entirely my fault. I shouldn't have pressured him." "In the end, his parents gave him an ultimatum to either attend that camp or be shipped off to JROTC. He was not mentally strong, he was always bullied, and this only made his depression worse. It was more than he could take...he committed suicide... If I could tell him how sorry I am, I would do that in a heartbeat." "Don't hate yourself for it. You didn't know his parents were cold-hearted assholes that would send their son to a horrible place like that. You shouldn't punish yourself like this. It wasn't your fault. Ryan would never blame you for anything; it sounds like he loved you deeply." "That's what my parents always say, but I think otherwise. He was always adamant that he never wanted to do anything at his parents' house. I...I should've listened to him. If I had listened he would be here with me." In spite of the sympathy he was feeling, Eric was unsettled. If Ryan were here with Kevin, then Eric and Kevin would not have gotten together. "That's why I love nature and animals so much, and yes, I know it sounds cheesy and faggy and what-not. I have learned that animals never hurt each other except in the web of life. They never hurt their own kind. The only species that inflicts pain and suffering on its own kind is the human species. There are at least 24 different animal species known to practice homosexuality, but we are the only one that condemns it as wrong and imposes suffering for it. I miss him so much!" Kevin fell to his knees, crying out in pain, crying out for a friend he would never see again. Eric picked him up and carried him to the cabin. He couldn't hide the fact that he was crying, too. He knew this beautiful little bird was damaged, but somehow, some way he would heal the wounds and make this little bird fly again. "Hey I've been meaning to ask you something lately," Eric was apprehensive asking a very fraught question of Laura, but he knew she would answer honestly, from her heart. "Sure. Lay it on me." "What would you say if... Let's say little Joshua here came out to you guys?" He tensed up for a moment, telling himself that maybe the question was a little abrasive, maybe even too personal. "Why do you ask?" Eric looked at her face for an angry reaction, but she was just curious. "I don't know why, really. I was just curious. I wanted to know if you would do to Joshua what our parents did to me when they found out." By then he wished he could take his words back because of the sad, guilty look in his sister's eyes. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked such a thing. It's none of my concern how you raise your child. Please forgive me," he said in a hushed tone. Who was he to ask a question like that? "It's okay, honestly. To tell you the truth, I wouldn't think any less of him. I would still love him like a first-born son ought to be loved. I just hope he doesn't end up like those jocky manwhores." A laugh erupted from them both, followed by a cry from the next room. "See what I mean?" she said with wide eyes. She got up but Eric jumped up. "I'll get him. I want to have some uncle-nephew bonding time." As Eric went to see what was troubling the toddler, he noticed there had been a change in Laura. She seemed humble now, much different from the last time they had seen each other. Before, she had seemed to sneer, her nose held so high that it would've been a miracle for someone to meet her standards. Now, she's tamed, he thought. It just needed some skinny physicist to tame the blonde beast! Who said God doesn't perform miracles? He saw Joshua crouched under the table, apparently trying to grab something just out of reach. "Here, need some help little buddy?" He went to pick it up and saw that it was a little green hat. "Hey, what's this?" Eric felt a strange sense of déjà-vu and then noticed that this was the same Invader Zim hat, smaller of course, that Kevin had worn the first time they got to know each other physically. He held it close to his chest, recalling that day like it was yesterday. He remembered tasting Kevin's sweet lips, so delicate, so juicy that he dared not stop. He remembered the first time he cupped Kevin's head, stroking his soft, silky hair, entranced by the texture. Oh God, how much he missed Kevin! Joshua tugged on his pants-leg, snapping Eric out of his reverie, and Eric surrendered the hat to his nephew. --------------- Kevin woke up the next day with a strange feeling in his stomach. Actually, it was the feeling of a figure blocking him. He turned his head to see Eric in all his sleeping-princely glory. God, he was so delectable that Kevin just wanted to eat him alive. He started remembering all that had been said last night, how he had broken down and told Eric of his jealousy and about his first true love, Ryan. Oh, Ryan! The day he had heard of Ryan's suicide, Kevin had vowed to never speak of him again as long as he lived. There's another promise broken... His life was just a bunch of promises destined to be broken. "Hey, you're awake," mumbled a sleepy Eric. Kevin noticed Eric's erection tenting in the covers. He gulped and resolved to focus on the task at hand. "Yeah. I see you decided to put me in your bed instead of my own," he said matter-of-factly. "I'm sorry. I should've put you in yours, but you were so sad when you fell asleep, I just didn't have the heart to put you to bed alone." He raised his hands in emphasis, "I was a good boy. I swear." "I believe you. It's just...I told you something I had vowed never to tell anyone. It was in the heat of the moment. I don't know why I told you that. I suppose I just wanted to make you feel bad. I screwed up. I shouldn't have used Ryan's suicide as a weapon." He stood up, and Eric noticed a lone tear falling from his cheek. "I hope you don't think any less of me because of what I said yesterday. It felt like a stab in the back when I saw you with that Brittany girl. Then when she kissed you it was just the last straw for me." Eric felt like the biggest douchebag ever. He had been so caught up in being the center of attention all day long after a long time without his friends that he hadn't noticed just how lustful Brittany's hands had been. She was a tramp by his crew's standards, but most had no reason to talk about her like that, since they were manwhores. He should've thought about what Kevin would think. Once he and Brittany touched lips, it was too late. All he saw was a boy with a green hat running towards the cabins. Fuck, he had screwed up bad. "Kevin, I'm sorry about last night. It shouldn't have gone that way. I'm really sorry." "You shouldn't apologize. It was me and my damned jealousy that got me to that point." "No, that's the thing Kevin. I really like you a lot, more than I ever thought possible. My feelings for you are sure as hell growing, but I'm scared, scared of the repercussions." Kevin's curiosity got the better of him. "What do you mean by scared?" "I know it sounds foolish of me and all, but whenever I saw you pass by in the hallways at school, I got a tight feeling in my stomach. At first, I thought it was my stomach telling me it was hungry, but then I started to get these...dreams...about you." By then Eric felt like shutting up. He was giving Kevin way too much information. "I didn't want to acknowledge those dreams at first. I thought they were just weird dreams that every kid had as a teenager. But it didn't stop there. You appeared everywhere more and more. It was getting terribly hard to concentrate." He lowered his eyes to his feet, not wanting to look at Kevin. "I want this to work out between us, Kevin, I really do. I really like you so much. But I'm scared about what will happen if I come out of the closet. I'm scared of what will happen. I really am." This time it was his turn to shed a tear. He liked Kevin, could possibly even love him if the relationship got a chance to grow. But he didn't know if it could happen with him in the closet. "I just don't want you to feel like a dirty little secret. You deserve a hell of a lot more than that." He placed his hands between his legs, not looking at Kevin. He knew this would never work out between them, now that he had confessed his worries and feelings. He flinched when he felt a hand stroke his black hair. "I will wait for you, Eric." He looked at Kevin with astonished, tear-soaked eyes. Did he just hear what he wanted oh so much to hear? "Tell me you're joking." "No, it's true. I will wait for you until you decide to come out. I will wait for... my Eric." "Oh God Kevin, you don't know how good you make me feel! I swear. I truly believe now that I don't deserve such a wonderful and beautiful person as you." "No, it's me that doesn't deserve you. You're so handsome, so strong, so masculine, and so...perfect. I don't know how a great and noble man like you could possibly want a twerpy eco-fag like me." "Hey, don't talk about yourself like that. You are great. You are beautiful. You are the most courageous person I know. A lot of people could not fathom living with what you have experienced and that is why I look up to you in so many ways." He didn't want to hear Kevin's rebuttal, so he planted a mouth-crushing kiss on the man he was falling in love with. He was ecstatic when Kevin responded in kind. They were at it for several minutes, until the bell that signaled the start of the morning class session. They broke apart as soon as they heard the bell. Their faces were flushed and dripped with sweat. Their lips were swollen. Eric gave a light laugh as they grabbed their toiletries. "Wow, for a tree hugger you sure can give one hell of a kiss," he said as he hid the visible tent in his pajama bottoms. "Thanks...I think." They were on their way to take a shower when Eric stopped Kevin for a brief moment. "What you said was true, right? That you will wait for me? It is true, isn't it?" A slight nod from Kevin was all he needed. Nothing else needed to be said. ------------- Eric was in a horrible funk the next day. It was first day of the "Go Green" children's trek, but after he received a call from Mrs. Sloop about a parole hearing coming up, he just wanted to scream out loud. "It isn't fair, it's too soon," he screamed into the muffling pillow. He didn't want to have this feeling all day long, not with Mark and the children there. But the mere mention of a parole hearing was the bomb that would set him off. He searched for a stress ball and squeezed the hell out of it. A knock on the door broke his trance. He was damned if he would let this ruin the great time he was having here. He finally has a small but growing relationship with his sister, he had met a great man with twins, plus he had gotten to meet his nephew. He sighed heavily and wiped away a tear. "Hey man, it's me, Mark. Laura called. She wants us to update her on our plans for the trek." Oh, great! Mark! He didn't want Mark to see him like this. He was starting to feel a little queasy around him. He felt like such a girl, but he felt a tug, the same tug he had felt with Kevin. He'd be damned if he did anything about it, though. It was too damn soon to be thinking about other men, plus, a part of him was asking about Mark's sexuality. He knew Mark had twins, but there were lots of single people who had children. Hell, it was legal in Michigan for single people to adopt children. It wasn't for gay couples, though. Maybe he's a single man who wants children, he thought. He shook those thoughts away to focus on the present. He pushed the parole hearing and his questioning of Mark's sexuality to the back of his mind. "I'm coming," he said. He donned shorts and a t-shirt. He knew that by now a shower was out of the question. The hot water would've run out, and there wasn't time, so he sprayed himself with body spray. He opened the door and then wished he hadn't. Damn! Mark looked awfully good for a man pushing thirty-five. Okay, he was thirty-two, but for a man who worked in an office all day he looked damn good. He wore a sleeveless athletic jersey and some running shorts that really showed off his athletic build. As Eric followed Mark down the hall, he tried not to stare at the nice ass that molded the thin fabric of the shorts so perfectly. He tried not to stare, but all he could see was those perfect mounds, swaying back and forth. Eric hoped Mark wouldn't notice. "Like what you see from your angle?" Okay so he did notice. Great! There was an awkward silence. "Hey it's alright. I noticed yours during our wait for the shower." Okay, he's not straight, maybe bi, but certainly not straight. Eric began to cough. "Hey are you okay?" Mark patted Eric on the back firmly, but sensually as well. "Yeah, I'm okay. Just a little shocked about...this." "Oh, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to start anything. I'm sorry, man." Eric coughed one last time before looking at Mark. He had a sense of déjà vu. It was exactly the way he and Kevin had gotten the chance to have a relationship. Well, whatever that relationship was, since his role had been the closeted man who was in love with the dirty little secret. "Hey, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have surprised like that." He held out his hand. "Oh no, it's fine. I'm just a little...well, you know. I mean, you said you had twins, so I thought you were married, with a wife and all." He didn't mean to sound put-off, but he was still absorbing the answer to the question he had been asking all morning. They resumed walking while Mark told him all about the twins. "Oh, that. Well, I live in Maryland, and it's legal for same-sex couples and singles to adopt there. I adopted a pair of Romanian twins. They are the most precious boys I've ever met. From the time at my job as a carpenter I knew I didn't want to be lonely, so I adopted them. It's hard, really, to balance a job and raise kids, but it's something I was destined for, you know." Eric saw Mark's watery eyes and immediately felt more of a liking for this man. He was noble, masculine, and cared about family. He wasn't like the stereotypical gay men he knew in Washington, the effeminate, abrasive club-rats he called friends. "So what about y..." Mark cut himself off. Something terrible must have happened to this man for him to not want to talk about his life. "If you want to tell me you can, but I don't want you to think I'm sticking my nose in where it's not wanted." He was serious. He didn't want to intrude. Mark knew his attraction to Eric was growing, and he didn't want to damage whatever was in process. He knew something horrible must've happened to Eric, and guessed that he didn't want to say anything about it. It was all put aside when they arrived at Laura's office to find a very busy Laura taking a phone call. "Where are your kids? Why didn't you bring them here?" Eric moved to what he hoped was a safe topic. "They're with their grandma and grandpa for Easter weekend." "And they're okay with your being gay?" He was slightly shocked. Most Christians he knew denounced homosexuality as a sin. "It's kinda complicated. It's more of a "hate the sin, love the sinner" type of relationship. I know it sounds difficult, but I try to be the same person I was before I came out to them. I don't show them my dates or anything like that. It hurts in a way, but I take it one step at a time." At least it was a better relationship than he had with his parents, who had completely rejected him when they found out he was gay. With Kevin, religion had been different; he was a Buddhist and believed in reincarnation. It was quite different from Eric's traditional Catholic upbringing. "At least you still get along with your parents to some extent. My parents completely rejected me the minute they found out I was gay. I haven't talked to them in three years." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." "It's okay. They were a bunch of snotty rich assholes anyway. I was getting bored with their pretentious lifestyle." Eric's Eagle Laura called them in, and Eric felt his sudden attraction growing into something more... ------------- Kevin was feeling conflicted. He may actually sign himself a dirty little secret, but it was okay. He would be with his love, even though this particular love was still in the closet. He was feeling happy, yet deep down a bit disappointed. Why should he be disappointed though? The love of his life just asked him to be in a relationship! It may be a secret relationship, but a relationship nonetheless. He was walking by himself near a cliff with the waters of Lake Superior below. The crisp, cool, early-Spring air brushed past him. Breathing it in, he felt rejuvenated and refreshed for the first time in a long while. School was a living hell for Kevin. He was the only Buddhist in a predominantly Catholic student population. Almost all of them attended Sunday Mass while he and his atheist parents were out doing yoga and meditating. He knew religion was a major factor in Eric's decision to stay in the closet. He wished Eric could be a tad braver, but he didn't want to do anything that would drive Eric away. He wanted to have his future Super Bowl-winning quarterback in his arms, even if it had to be in the closet. He sighed heavily, taking in the fresh air and closing his eyes. He waved his arms back and forth. Kevin wanted to be reincarnated as an eagle in his next life. He always had dreams of flying, flying above the world, worrying about nothing, just enjoying his life like he imagined the courageous and noble American eagle did. He jumped in excitement when he heard a cry. Looking above the horizon, he saw two bald eagles flying towards the north. He sometimes had the illusion, when he saw eagles near his home that it was him and Ryan. Flying together, loving each other, looking out for each other like no person ever could. Ryan would always be his first love. "Hey." Kevin jumped at the sound of Eric's voice, whirling to see a toothy bright smile. "Hey...what are you doing here?" He didn't mean to sound curt or unwelcoming, but he had guessed that Eric would want to spend this break in classes hanging out with his crew, not risk being found out by spending with his dirty little secret. "I can't have some time alone with my boyfriend? Besides, you were absolutely breathtaking doing all that yoga." Kevin blushed. "I told them I wasn't feeling well and I was going to lie down for a while. I was trying to find you. I was about to give up when I saw you looking over there," indicating the direction the birds had flown in. They were quiet for a moment, both of them admiring the beautiful orange yellow sky. "Kevin...you're so beautiful." Another blush crept up the smaller man's cheeks and he hunched his shoulders. "No, I'm nothing compared to you. You are...something different." He laughed at the corny statement, but he really couldn't find the words to describe this man. Eric moved behind Kevin and wrapped him arms around him. He molded himself to Kevin's back, brushed his erection along Kevin's ass, and ground it into that pert ass. He whispered now. "I want to make love to you right here in front of nature, God, and those damn chipmunks over there." "And shock whoever might wander by!" Kevin was nervous. Of course he wanted to make love to this awesome hunk of a man that he adored, but he didn't think Eric would want to have sex this early on in their relationship. "Don't worry, Kevin. Nobody will find us. We're the only ones in this area. Most of the others are either in their cabins or near the river, and it's that's really far away." Kevin considered the idea of having sex in the outdoors. The weather seemed to be on Eric's side, for it was relatively hot for a late April day in the Upper Peninsula. He made his decision. "Take off your clothes; I want to see you naked first. I want to see the body I have been dreaming of for so long," he said with a slightly dominant tone. Eric's grin grew by a mile and he started with his shoes and socks. He followed with his long-sleeved shirt and teased Kevin a little by unzipping his pants and hanging them very low on his hips, playing with his bulge. The cool wind stimulated his nipples to erection. "Being a tease are you, Mr. Holden?" Kevin asked as he took off his own shirt, and then his pants. "Look, I even beat you!" He wished he had taken his time, because now Eric could see that his six inch cock was tenting his briefs. The thought turned his cheeks a slight red. "Oh, playing like that are we?" Eric made the rash choice off taking off his pants and underwear at the same time. "This was really fast, wasn't it?" he said with a slight redness in his own cheeks. His very thick seven-inch erection was proudly displayed for Kevin's feasting eyes. Kevin's worries evaporated; he quickly took off his own underwear and both men were now naked in the open air. "Well, do you like what you see?" Eric asked, proudly flexing his arms for the hungry Kevin. Kevin reached out with trembling fingers, touching Eric's bare chest, easing his fingers through the light dusting of hair between his pectorals. "God, you're breathtaking! I can't believe this is real," he stammered, then flicked his tongue at one of Eric's rosy nipples. His hand slid down to Eric's straining cock, pre-cum glistening at the tip. Their young lips seemed to merge and move as one. They tried to satisfy the impulse to feel every bit of each other with their hands. Eric gripped Kevin's pear-shaped butt cheeks while Kevin began to stroke Eric's cock and balls. Kevin broke off the kiss to say, "I have to taste you," and began to kiss his way down Eric's stomach, finally reaching the long part of Eric that he had been longing for. "Oh God Kevin, fuck," he whispered. His hands moved to his own temples as if to keep his head from exploding as Kevin slid his lips around Eric's cock. His hands moved to stroke Kevin's strawberry-blond locks as he experienced the most explosive blowjob of his short 18-year life. He rocked his hips while Kevin tongued his piss slit and massaged his balls. He was seconds from shooting his load when he abruptly withdrew from Kevin's hot oral cavity, but not without a worried look from Kevin. "What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" His soulful green eyes broadcast worry and disappointment. "What, are you kidding? You gave the best damn blowjob a guy could ask for! But I pulled out because I want to unload my wad somewhere else." Somehow that unsettled Kevin. Were they going to have unprotected sex? Was Eric clean? "Eric I have to ask you..." "Yes, babe, I am clean. I always have an AIDS and STD test every month, and it's something I always do, but I don't want you to worry, so we'll use protection." Eric reached for his pants and brought out a condom and a little packet of lube. "What's the Scouting motto? 'Be Prepared?' Well, I am! Kevin grinned at the joke as he settled back on the cool grass. "Thank you. I love you." "Same here, babe. Now hug your knees for me." Eric rolled the condom onto his dick and then turned his attention to the rosebud under his darling's balls. He squeezed a dollop of lube into his fingers and slowly caressed Kevin's hole. Kevin moaned his excitement as Eric's forefinger slipped inside. Soon he whispered "More," and Eric's middle finger joined the first. Kevin felt a little discomfort, but it faded as Eric's slow movements spread the lube. A finger brushed Kevin's hard lump, and all thoughts of pain were banished. "Oh, Eric! Give it to me, please." Eric had been holding back with difficulty, so he was happy to fulfill this request. He moved over his lover and put Kevin ankles on his own shoulders, then slid his well-lubed, vinyl-encased head to Kevin's hole, applying slow, gentle pressure until he could feel his cock-head pop through the anal ring. It was all he could do to restrain himself from plunging as deeply as he could into the man he was falling so deeply for. Instead, he stopped, waiting for Kevin to signal he was adjusted to the invasion. The wind began to pick up, adding a chilly, but erotic, counterpoint to the heat inside Kevin's full bottom. "Oh, God! Babe, you're so fucking tight. God!" gasped out Eric. Below him, Kevin was breaking out in a sweat. He had always been a bottom with Ryan, but Eric was so much thicker. It felt like someone was shoving a tree trunk up there. Nevertheless, he wanted this man inside him, so he grabbed ahold of Eric's thighs while at the same time pushing his butt out, eliminating all distance between them. "Eric, fuck me! Eric, I love you," he moaned, pulling the larger boy's head down for kiss. As Eric flexed his hips to move out a little, Kevin felt a satisfying thrill from his prostate. "Oh my God, you hit my prostate!" he exclaimed loudly. Eric said nothing, but drew his teeth down Kevin's neck, gnawing lightly at the tender flesh, followed by the shoulder. "Kevin, you're so fucking hot," he whispered next to his right ear, and then nibbled at the earlobe. Kevin somehow was able to notice things beyond the incredible feelings in his body. He noticed that Eric's hair became extra shiny in the sun; he noticed that Eric's blue eyes had a hint of green right next to the pupil; he noticed that he could just stare into those eyes all day long. He also noticed the wind picking up a bit more. He could just barely hear tree branches and bushes rustling as the gusts of the wind hit them, but Kevin didn't care. He had the man he loved on top of him, making love to him, and the wind just added romance to the hypnotic sound of flesh striking flesh. He could spend hours on end here with this wonderful man he loved. What Kevin heard, however, did not indicate this moment would be lasting for hours. He felt Eric's balls slam hit him more quickly and the hard pounding was becoming more intense. "Fuck baby, fuck, fuck," interspersed with groans was what Eric whispered in Kevin's ears. He dug his nails into Eric's sweaty back, holding on for dear life while he got the most exhilarating fuck of his young life. Eric noticed a tear run down Kevin's temple. At first he was afraid that he was hurting Kevin with the extreme thrusting he was delivering to the smaller boy, but then he saw the jubilant look in Kevin's eyes. Eric realized in that moment that he was in love with Kevin Sloop. "Eric! Eric, I'm gonna cum!" Kevin cried out. His eyes were dilated, his nostrils flared, and he lightly slammed his head back and forth on the green grass. "Cum for me baby, cum for me," groaned Eric, digging his teeth into the now-visible bruise he had created on Kevin's neck a while back. He felt the muscles strain as Kevin began his release. He felt some of the cum hit his abs and chest, and some even managed to land on Kevin's chin. But the most intense feeling was from the convulsing muscle around his cock. Eric managed to get "Babe, I'm gonna cum, babe, I love you" out as his first spasm seemed to push all of his fluids out. Their mouths joined as their bodies jerked, quivered, and then they began to recover from their first time making "Damn babe, you sure can cum," Eric gasped. A weak laugh escaped Kevin's bruised lips, but he couldn't respond with words. Kevin relaxed his legs and Eric lowered himself onto them as his softening cock slipped out of its sheath. They were now face-to-face, chest-to-chest, hip-to-hip. "Oh God, babe," was all Eric could muster as he stroked Kevin's face and hair. Kevin didn't say anything, couldn't say anything. He was just basking in the powerful afterglow that had descended. Even though his chest was still heaving, a phrase he had heard escape from Eric's beautiful lips lingered on his mind. Did I hear Eric say of his own accord that he loves me? That seemed preposterous to Kevin, too preposterous and silly, so he started to laugh the whole thing off. "What's so funny?" asked a breathless Eric, who could not help but notice the beautiful man laugh under him. Eric rolled off Kevin's quivering body to watch the slender man's ribs move in and out. Kevin's chest heaved as he panted and laughed his heart out, tears of mirth appearing at the sides of his eyes. "Oh, nothing. I just heard you say that you love me. I'm so fucking happy to have you with me that I think I may be hearing things. Don't listen to me, I'm just a happy, horny, emotional guy who's wanted you for a long time and now has his wish." He was becoming hysterical now, blinking his eyes rapidly, and watery tears fell to the lush green grass. "I wasn't joking and you weren't hearing things. I do love you." With that, the very last remnant of any crumbling wall that Eric had hidden behind was demolished. He hugged the smaller man as if he were his last lifeline. Tears of joy came to his eyes. He was so utterly grateful that he had shared this great experience. A marvelous experience with the man he now knew he was unconditionally in love with. "I love you, Kevin Sloop..." --------------- "What are the twins' names?" Eric picked up where he and Mark had left off at Laura's office. They sat on a convenient bench on their way back to their lodge. "They're Alceo and Lace, both the most beautiful, wonderful two-year-old ever. They are absolutely identical, especially in how marvelous they are." Mark drew a picture out of wallet that showed the twins, in what looked like a family portrait with Mark. Mark wasn't kidding; they looked just alike, with the same green eyes and the same sunny blond hair. The only difference, and really the only way you could tell the kids apart was the clothing: Alceo had a mint green sweater and Lace had a purple one. "Oh my God, you guys look so adorable. You make a very beautiful family." He tried to sound as complimentary as he could, but even he could hear the hint of jealousy in his voice. He knew exactly where the jealousy and envy came from. This was exactly the kind of family he had wanted to have with Kevin. This was just what he had envisioned and talked about for hours on end whenever he and Kevin had discussed their future. Mark noticed, though. "It doesn't sound like you're too happy." "I'm sorry, it's just..." he was considering what he should say, if anything, about the past relationship, whose ending he was still trying to cope with. "It's just that this is exactly the family I envisioned Kevin and me having." "Hey, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to talk about," said Mark in a very serious voice, not wanting a repeat of their first meeting. "No, I want to, please. If you don't want to listen just tell me, but..." he was shaking. This was going to be the first time he has ever spoken about what had happened and why he was feeling this way. "I have never told anyone about my life; no one, not even Laura." Mark nodded in an extremely warm and generous manner. To calm Eric, he moved to sit across from him, overlooking Lake Superior. They barely noticed the wind picking up. "Kevin Sloop is and will always be the love of my life." He began with that simple, open statement about unrequited love. Mark knew it wasn't as simple as just asking the new whereabouts of this so-called Kevin Sloop. It was more complicated than that. "I'd known him all through high school, but really got to know him better on a school trip here six years ago. God, he was so beautiful. He was short, but spunky. He always had this sparky attitude that gleamed through his green eyes. He also had the softest strawberry-blond hair that would make me want to stroke it for hours on end." "This Kevin Sloop seems like a real catch." Eric snorted. Mark saw an angry look come into his eyes. "You mean seemed. It's all behind me now." "What, did you guys break up, or what?" He shook his head violently, "He's gone. Gone, never to return." Mark paused before speaking. What could he say after such a startling revelation? Eric suddenly appeared to be a broken man. Whatever happened between them, it had sure effect Eric deeply. "I'm sorry. Really, it seems like you loved him a lot. I can see it in your eyes." "Thanks. I just wish I could've shown him the love he deserved. He deserved so much from me and I never gave him the full measure of my full love. I could've shown him so much more, but I never did. God, If I could turn back time I would tell him and the world just how much I love him. But no, I kept him as a dirty little secret. "He was a dirty little fucking secret and I treated him like dirt! He was just someone I could go to when I didn't have anything else to do, or when I had blue balls. He was okay with being the side meat as long as he knew I would be coming to him, secretly, of course. "I was the one who told him to screw the Ivy League school and to go to Michigan with me. He was all set to attend Brown, his dream school, but at the last minute he pulled out and went to Michigan. His parents were angry, but he didn't care as long as he was close to me. I was more than happy, but I still told him that nothing would change until I had the courage to come out to my parents. He said he was okay with that, but I knew he was disappointed that he still had to be my closet lover. "It wasn't until sophomore year at Michigan that everything changed. I was in my glory then. I was a star. Everyone was talking about me, I pledged at the best fraternity on campus, and I took the team to nationals. My self-centered, inconsiderate, promiscuous ways brought Kevin to the breaking point. He caught me cheating on him with a girl..." Eric was crying by then, not caring how diminished and weak he appeared to Mark. What was the point if the man he loved was gone? "I went to apologize to him. I didn't know how the hell I would do it, but I went to his dorm. Once he finally opened the door I was shocked at what I saw. His once glorious green eyes were red and irritated; bags around the eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks. His hair was a wreck and I saw chunks of light reddish hairs all over his room. He must have literally been tearing his hair out! Kevin looked so destroyed, so weak, like he had nothing left to live for. All his dreams had been destroyed. I was so completely devastated to realize that I had caused all that." Mark motioned that he wanted Eric to stop. He didn't think he could bear to see any more of the pain that Eric was enduring. "Hey, don't go on, you're too hurt." Eric didn't stop. "He told me how nerve wrecking and stressful it has been to be the dirty little secret to the most popular man in school. How he should've never told me how much he loved me because he knew it would end up like this, with him heartbroken. He hated being the one who had to be careful because any day could turn out to be the fateful, heartbreaking one. I just stood there; sad, distraught and pissed off at myself." Eric couldn't stop the tears from flowing freely. "He told me we were through. I could see how devastated he was with the decision, but he told me he could no longer be a dirty little secret toy for me to use and then disregard." He clenched his fists so hard his knuckles turned white. Mark could feel Eric's turmoil. "He wanted me to leave him alone. He told me to leave his dorm. At first I refused and begged him to hear me out, to talk to me, to let me apologize, to let me make it right. I told him I would come out to my parents and I wanted him right there holding my arm when I told them." He shook his head violently. "He didn't believe me. He said it would just be another broken promise. He ordered me to leave and warned me he would call the police if I didn't. The next day a friend of his called and said he had been killed." Mark's wide eyes and sad demeanor made Eric even more upset with himself. He hadn't meant for Mark to pity him in any way. He had just wanted to get it out, to get all this pent-up emotion off his chest by telling someone how he felt. "I shouldn't have told you about me and Kevin. I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell someone all about this. I didn't mean to burden you like this." Eric's Eagle "Oh no, it's okay. Did you..." Mark wanted to ask if Eric ever came out to his parents but did not want to intrude further into this poor guy's personal life. "You mean, did I ever come out to my parents," said Eric, as if he had heard Mark's thoughts. Mark nodded. "Yeah, I was such an emotional wreck after the news that Kevin was dead. I didn't eat. I didn't sleep. I didn't socialize with anyone. I completely isolated myself from everything and anyone. I dropped out of school. I gave up everything, because I had nothing to live for. Why should I care about anything if the only man I wanted to share my success with was dead, and because I used him as a secret closet boy toy?" "My parents came to the motel I was staying at. They were pissed when they heard I had dropped out of Michigan and wanted to know what my problem was. My father was paranoid, asking how I could do it to him. To him! He went on and on about what a failure I had become, how stupid I was, and what a big mistake I was making." Mark noticed a sudden change in Eric's body language. He went from wallowing in self-pity to pure anger and fury. "I told him, 'You want to know what a mistake is? Take a long, hard look at the biggest mistake of your life, because I am gay,'" he snorted, his hands visibly shaking. "You should have been there man, seeing their faces crumple up in shock and revulsion. They ended all ties with me, saying that if I am old enough to be independent with my 'alternative decisions,' I was old enough to do without them. That's bullshit. They cut me off because of the so-called 'homosexual lifestyle' they both love to hate so much. They couldn't stand to have a faggot for a son, so they disowned me." He sighed, resting his arms behind his head. He closed his eyes and sucked in some air. They were quiet for a full two minutes. "I haven't talked to them in eight months. This is the first time I've talked to my sister Laura in those eight months." He rested his head on Mark's shoulder, feeling a sense of warm, calming energy that came from the older man. He wanted comfort so much from a man he had met barely three days before. Yet, those three days felt like so much more. He had even told Mark about Kevin's death. Something he had vowed never to tell anyone. Eric knew he had crossed the line when he placed his hand on Mark's lap, but he didn't draw back. He wanted the comfort that he had been wishing for over these last three years. It wasn't until their lips met that he let go of everything he was feeling. His lips taste like strawberries. I like strawberries. Somehow, he was able to leave his regret and remorse behind, and abandoned himself to a full make-out session. They both knew there could be tourists walking about, and this was the UP, not liberal Ann Arbor, but they were in their own world. They kissed more passionately up to the point that there erections were painfully restricted their pants. "Oh God, I want you," moaned Eric in Mark's ear. Mark was shocked. Sure he felt an attraction to Eric, but he wasn't about to take advantage of a man in such distress. That was not something that he would remember proudly, even if his aching erection said otherwise. "No, you're grieving. You need to go lie down." "Yeah, sure..." he moaned. His eyes were red and tears stained his cheeks. "Mark," he said in a hoarse voice. "Yeah," Mark whispered. "I really loved Kevin. I wish he was back here with me." ------------- "Stop, Eric. Stop!" Kevin yelled, while trying to evade the chasing Eric. He laughed all the way down a hill, slowing just enough to tease Eric with a touch of his hat. A hearty growl escaped Eric's mouth. Kevin was pretending to run away from a lust-filled Eric. Kevin had given Eric a jaw-crushing kiss before stealing his shirt and running. Kevin was getting tired and threw the shirt away from him, but Eric was having none of it. He continued to chase Kevin until they were panting, knees weak. That's all he wanted, for his Kevin to be weak, so he could devour him. "Gotcha!" and with that he spun Kevin and fell backwards with Kevin landing on top of Eric's muscled chest. "Oh God," he sighed, breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath. "Do you know how beautiful you look all sweaty and panting?" queried Eric as he stroked Kevin's lightly tanned lower back. "God, you're so beautiful. I love you." "And I love you, too. I love you so much that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and only you." He bit his lip nervously. Kevin had never meant to proclaim his wished-for future with Eric so soon. This was the last day of the field trip and he had already told him he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. He placed his ear over Eric's heart. He reveled in hearing the steady heartbeat, in tasting the sweat escaping the taller man's pores. He closed his eyes, hoping he hadn't scared Eric away. "You know, it's not going to be easy. Us. Together. We have to be careful." They stared into each other's eyes, a serious expression descending onto their faces. "I know that. It's just..." Kevin choked. He couldn't bring himself to tell Eric that he didn't like the idea of being a closet boyfriend. "Babe, I know this isn't what you want, but I want you to know that I love you very much. I want to be with you, I really do, but it's not going to be easy. I want you with me when I finally have the guts to come out to my parents and the world. I want you by my side." Tears rolled down Kevin's face because this was what he wanted to hear. Of course he knew it wouldn't be easy to be a closeted boyfriend, but he would be there when Eric finally faced the truth. "Eric, I'll wait for you. I love you, and I want you to know that I'll wait. I've decided to go to Michigan with you. I know my parents will be mad and all, but there's nothing that can stop me from being at your side. I know it won't be easy, and whenever you do come out, I am going to be right there. Whatever you do, as long as you are faithful and stay yourself, I'll be right here waiting and I'll be fine." They hugged each other, both crying. "I love you, my Kevin. Know that I will be faithful and only be with you." They both heard a loud cry nearby. They were astonished to see a large bald eagle spreading its wings. Eric saw a gleam in Kevin's green eyes as he stared, dumbfounded, at the majestic bird surveying them from just a few feet away. The eagle looked at them both, its yellow hawk-like eyes seeming to stare into their souls before flying off. "When I die, I want to come back as an eagle. I would love to be that beautiful, courageous bird flying in the sky. I want that." "You already are, babe. You're my beautiful, courageous, strong presence just like an eagle, and no one will ever stop that." --------------- Eric was nearly blown off his feet the moment he stepped out of the lodge. He had slept late, showered in cold water, and tried to run to the trek staging area. Wind gusts were forecasted to reach a staggering 45 miles per hour, but the festivities and the children's walk were already scheduled and a little wind was not going to stop the plans. He had to place his feet carefully in order to stay upright. Arriving at the staging area, he somehow got weak-kneed when he saw Mark, who had the kids organized. Mark looked really mouthwatering today, his hair ravishingly swaying back and forth whenever a gust hit him. It reminded Eric of the way Kevin's reddish-blond hair had swirled whenever a stray gust touched him. "Hey man, looks like you have the kids ready," he panted, doubled over and breathing hard from the exertion. Mark placed a hand on Eric's shoulder, "Yeah man you're kinda late." "I know. I just... overslept." He hoped Mark wouldn't bring up their talk on the previous day. He regretted crying his eyes out to the near-stranger, and not just that, but kissing the man. He wanted to crawl under a rock, but he had to at least look professional for the kids. "Hope you're feeling better." "Yeah, I am." He wanted to lighten the mood and talk about their daily lives, but the wind proved too strong. The kids were really having fun, their eyes and mouths wide open in amazement at the plants and animals they never saw at home. They stopped at an open field, where both men made sure all the kids were safe and in their view. Eric started to explain why he had been in such distress the day before. "I got a call from Kevin's parents. Apparently the man who killed Kevin has a parole hearing coming up." Mark turned his head slowly. "I'm sorry. His death must have really been hard on you. If it isn't prying too much, what happened?" "After he broke up with me and I left, he and some friends went out to a nightclub. I heard that he didn't want to go out, but his friends insisted that he get his mind off that closeted prick. At the club he got into a confrontation with a seventeen-year-old who was trying to get in with a fake I.D." "Kevin urged the teen to leave when he started making a ruckus in the entrance. It got heated. They were pulled apart, but it didn't end there. Apparently, the teen was out for blood. He started calling Kevin a 'fag' and a 'cocksucker.' Kevin just waved his hand, brushing him away. That's when the asshole punched him in the face, but the way that creep punched him just makes me cringe." The wind picked up even more, and they heard an eerie howling across the open field. The largest tree branches were swaying back and forth. Instead of scaring the little children, it created a windfall of apples and plums that drew them to the larger trees. "The guy put so much into that punch that he broke his own hand. He ran away grunting while Kevin's friends looked after the victim." Eric's throat became dry and his voice faltered. "The love of my life died from a hemorrhage in the brain. At the trial, the prosecutor tried to pin it as a hate crime, but the defense claimed it was alcohol and teenage hormones. In the end, he was found guilty of only involuntary manslaughter, and given six years." Mark scooped up the lone tear running down Eric's cheek. Mark wondered how this man could hold the pain in for so long. "I'm so sorry for your loss. I really am. I want you to know that I am here for you." "It just makes me so mad that the love of my life died, and that bastard only has to pay six years of his life for it! Six motherfucking years! He'll soon be out on parole, and I have a life sentence of not having Kevin, besides the fact that my parents hate me for who I am." Mark knew where the conversation was headed, and he wanted to tell Eric that he had to let it go. His only alternative to that would be wrong. Then they heard children's screams not far away. "Oh shit!" They ran toward the sound. The wind was getting stronger and stronger. Mark tripped and fell on the grass. Eric didn't stop to help, but kept moving as the screams grew louder and louder. He saw a group of kids huddled around an old tree. Fruit was scattered around the area. "What's wrong? Is anyone hurt?" A little girl pointed at a large branch that had fallen, and he saw what looked like two small heaps of clothing. He could hear some muffled screams. Two large trees blocked the other areas. "Mark, take care of these kids, I'm going to get the others." Mark did as he was told and took all the children at the tree to the open field. Eric ripped through the shrubs and branches that were in his way. The howling of the wind made it hard to hear the screams just a few feet away. He felt the cuts each branch made, but he couldn't take the time to notice. He finally reached the small circle where the two kids were trapped. They were both teary-eyed and trembled at least as much as the fallen branch shook in the wind. "Come on," he urged the frightened boys. Four small, pale hands reached for Eric, hoping his warm, strong body would be a shield against the strong wind. "Hold on to me, don't let go." Both the little boys nodded, their wide eyes glassy with fear. Eric headed for the open meadow, but it was a lot harder carrying two small bodies huddled against him. He exerted all his strength against the ever-increasing wind and dense undergrowth. "God, help me," he huffed, as a twigs whipped across his face. When the green shapes finally disappeared and the open field came into view, Eric threw himself and his precious burden to the ground. "Are the kids alright?" Mark asked. He took a hand of each of kids and pulled them up, examining them to see if they were hurt in any way. They had a few bumps and scrapes but otherwise seemed fine. Eric kept panting, the breath sucked out of him, his energy drained. He couldn't muster the strength to move when he heard a tree trunk snap. "ERRIIICCC!!!!" But it was too late. The tree had fallen on him. A ghastly groan escaped his lips. Eric's senses went awry, his vision and hearing becoming distorted. The last thing he heard was Mark's warning. His eyes were closed. He could still hear his own faint breathing. He tried to move his arms and legs, but couldn't. He didn't know if they were pinned down, or... The next thing he saw was a small group of people. They were all dressed in white. He noticed a kid of about fifteen smiling at him. He nodded back, but continued looking around. One figure was standing apart from the others, near a cliff. He was also wearing white, but he also wore the same Invader Zim hat that Eric remembered. Eric started toward him. The figure turned to look Eric straight in the eye and held out his hand. ------------- Three years had passed since Eric first stepped foot in the national park. Three years since getting to know the man he loved, the man he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Today was different. With an urn in hand, he was going to do the one thing Kevin wanted him to do for his death. "Kevin, I miss you...so... fucking much." He spoke out loud, but had no hope that anyone would hear. All that could be done was to scatter the remains of his one and only love in the only place he knew Kevin would be happy. "Oh Kevin, if only you were here with me." He staggered a little, tears streaming down his cheeks. He held the urn out and removed the lid. "I just want you to know that I will miss you forever. I will always love you, and I will cherish only one name forever, and that is yours." He threw the lid off the cliff. In a short while he heard the lid splash into the water. The wind began to pick up and the branches and bushes swayed back and forth. "You would've been twenty years old today, babe. Twenty years. God, I miss you, Kevin." He held the urn out. "This is what you wanted, babe. This is what you wanted all along, to be one with nature, to be one with the Earth. Here is your wish, Kevin. Just promise me that you will wait for me on the other side. Hold out your hand, take me with you. I hope you'll be there for me in the end. I love you." He grabbed a handful of ashes from the urn and threw them at the sunny afternoon sky. The wind picked them up and blew them across the lake and into the trees. He continued until the urn was completely empty and his Kevin was one with the Earth and nature, just like he had said he wanted to be. ------------- "You waited for me." "Did I? Hmm..." he tilted his head a little, triggering another of Eric's treasured memories. "Oh God, you don't know how much I missed you, Kevin. I wished to God every day of my life that I could turn back time and fix all the fucking mistakes I made. I miss you so, so much." Kevin sighed, scratching his head. "I know you did, Eric. I've heard you tear yourself apart about it day after day." Eric continued, "I just want to know if you can forgive me for all the pain I caused you. I know you should never forgive all the suffering you endured because of me, but please..." Kevin looked around at all the others in white garments. "I do forgive you Eric, I really do. It really tears me up inside to see how much pain and suffering you have been through since my death. It really breaks my heart seeing you like that." A lone tear escaped his regal green eyes. Another treasured memory. "Why should you feel sorry for me? I was the one that used you like some puppet on a string, a mere blow-up doll. I don't know why you should be so sad on my behalf. I practically killed you." Kevin looked at him like he had been struck by lightning, his face ashen and twisted in horror. "I can't believe that you, Eric Holden, would say something so cruel, something so downright cruel as to think you killed me. Why do you treat yourself like this?" "It's true. I killed your trust, I killed your love, but most importantly, thanks to my stupidity and complete selfishness I killed you. God, Kevin I can't believe you're gone. All this time has been such a huge nightmare that I don't know how I can live. I've given up on hope." He looked out over the cliff. The sun's glow at dusk gave the sky an ethereal orange light. "I just want your forgiveness...please." He felt a hand touch his shoulder. He turned to see the same fifteen-year-old boy he had first noticed. He has white blonde hair and the biggest black eyes he had ever seen. It then hit him. "You're..." "Yep, it's Ryan," he said, his youthful voice entrancing him. "I just want you to know that Kevin does forgive you. Just like I've forgiven him for what happened to me. I never blamed him. He has never blamed you." Eric couldn't believe him. He wanted to, but it wasn't until he looked at his first true love that he began to realize those words were true. Kevin's green eyes were speckled with bits of gold, and were filled with nothing but love. He nodded. It was true. It had been true all along. "Eric, I never blamed you for what happened to me. I forgive you for what you caused, but I never blamed you for my death." "Oh Kevin, I love you so much!" Kevin nodded, tears falling freely from his eyes. "I know. I love you, too." Eric's body began to dissolve, his once-solid form beginning to glow. "What's happening?" he asked as he saw his hand disappear. "You're going back," Ryan said, quietly. Eric began to panic. This was the first time he'd seen Kevin. He had had a few moments with him, and he now wanted more. He wanted to be with him. "No, Kevin. I don't want to leave! I want to be here with you. I love you! Please, let me be here with you." He spoke in a desperate plea as his legs evaporated. He felt like someone was pulling a trick on him. "You can't, Eric. But please know that I will be there to protect you. Just remember that if hardship or suffering is brought into your life, I'll be there, on your shoulder, protecting you. Now go. Remember, Eric. I'll be there. Don't forget...." Those were the last words he heard, his mind was a blur. He blacked out for a moment. The only thing on his mind was to memorize his last sight of his Kevin.... -------------- "Eric, Eric, please stay with me damn it, please!" That isn't the voice of my first love. Who is that? It was Mark. It was Mark's hand he felt holding his. The wind was hitting him full force, a couple of grunts and groans were heard. "Wh... where am I?" He could barely get the words out. He saw Mark's eyes glow with happiness. "Eric, thank God you're alive. Uh, I mean, that you're okay." He was flabbergasted, his eyes misty, and his hands grasped Eric's like a vise grip. "Laura's going to be so happy. My God, I thought we'd lost you!" Eric's mind was a complete blank. Slowly, he began to remember... a windstorm, children, a falling tree, Kevin, Ryan. Now he was really confused! Mark's shouting and firm grip forced him to accept that he was alive. Things finally snapped into focus. He was nearly crushed by a big tree trunk. Wow! He was suddenly euphoric that he survived.