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Driving Home for Christmas

By: Robert_Furlong



The epilogue to the 'Butt Monkey' series of stories by Robert Furlong

===

Jake looked over at me and we grinned at each other.

I was desperately pleased to see him and I could see that he was pretty chuffed to see me, even though he hadn't found the time to phone home in over a fortnight.

Traffic was fairly quiet and I managed to pull out of his university residence onto the main road.

I looked over at him again once we'd got past some parked cars. His bright blue fringe and goatee beard didn't really suit him. I hoped they were just temporary quirks of undergraduate self-expression.

When he'd first met me in the doorway of his student flat, I'd thought for one horrible second that he'd had a swirly tattoo etched on his neck. I'd been relieved to realise it was just a stray thread of cotton from the black t-shirt he was wearing.

"Have we got anyone coming over during the holiday?" he asked as I slowed down to flash a middle aged couple across the road. They had the weary look of parents who had, like me, come to collect a son or daughter for the holiday.

For some reason his voice sounded deeper. I wondered if he'd taken up smoking or if it was just a testosterone surge.

"Well, Debbie is coming for Christmas dinner with us," I replied. Things had been going rather better for us recently, now that my sexual needs were largely being taken care of by other men. I was beginning to wonder whether, in spite of her obvious enjoyment of my friendship, she might, like me, prefer her own gender for sex.

"What about Bradley?" he asked. He was always keen on Bradley coming over. The two of them got on remarkably well.

"I assume Bradley will want to spend Christmas with his fiancée and baby daughter," I said, glancing over at him. I didn't like the way his earring was stretching a large hole in his lobe. I'd already told him he'd regret it one day.

"He'll probably come over once or twice while I'm home, though, won't he?" Jake persisted.

"Quite likely," I said, turning right onto Woodhouse Lane.

"And what about that other bloke?" he went on. "The one you met in the summer..."

Did he mean Deshi, who had come to fix the satellite dish and had gone on to make several other installations? I didn't think I'd told Jake about him. In any case, his visits had fizzled out in October.

"Was he called Hugh or something?" Jake asked.

"Oh, you mean Hugo," I said. Hugo Clarke. We'd met in Debenham's toilets; an inauspicious beginning to what had turned out to be tumultuous relationship. "He and I parted company a while back."

The thieving bastard had nicked my watch when I was asleep – I was convinced of it.

Hugo's first visit had been the only time Jake had seen me rimming another man. Thinking he'd gone to bed, we'd become playful on the couch, groping each other through our trousers and sniffing each other's bottoms. In the middle of that, Hugo's trousers and briefs had somehow become yanked down and my face had somehow planted itself firmly between his legs. While I'd been feeding hungrily on his splayed hole, my nose nuzzling into his big, hairy balls, he'd abruptly stopped masturbating and I'd heard him say, "Er...."

I'd looked up and found Jake ogling us from the doorway, muttering something about forgetting his phone. He'd come into the room to collect it, the two of us staring at him, frozen in the middle of the most intimate act one man can perform on another. He'd smirked at us, making no bones about the fact he was taking it all in – from Hugo's pink and spit-soaked arsehole to my shocked face with anal hairs sticking to my lips – and then had thrown us a wink and closed the door behind him.

When I'd challenged him about it the following day, he'd just shrugged and said, not altogether unreasonably, that if we wanted to get up to "private stuff" we should do it in the bedroom. When I'd commented on how much he'd stared at us, he'd grinned and muttered, "Well, the two of you looked kind of hot like that."

As I stopped at a crossing, he asked, "What about that Italian guy... with that weird surname? Delgado, was it?"

Marco had been his first name. He'd been extremely physical, almost unmanageably so, and I'd wondered whether all Europeans were so unrestrained.

"He fell in love with some woman and felt he should be faithful to her."

"How quaint," Jake observed with a wry smile.

"Quite," I agreed.

"He was the one you were in the shower with that time, wasn't he?"

I looked across at him and at first I pretended to still be annoyed, but I couldn't keep it up and we ended up smirking each other. There was no need for an answer; he knew full well that Marco had been the one he'd walked in on me playing prison showers with. Marco had been acting out the part of the new arrival who'd unfortunately dropped his soap and I'd been the seasoned inmate behind him exploiting the mishap for all it was worth.

Jake certainly hadn't been anxious to extract himself from the awkward position he'd found himself in, hovering in the bathroom doorway like he'd hoped to get drawn in as the prison guard. He must have watched us as silently as he could until we'd become aware of his presence, and even then I'd had to pause what I was doing, crouching over Marco and with my arms around his chest, to ask him if he'd mind kindly leaving us to it.

As if enjoying working his way through my address book, he went on to ask, "You'll be seeing Guy, of course, won't you?"

I pulled out onto the ring road, following signs to the south-bound motorway. The rear view mirror was largely useless, Jake's stuff was packed so high. He probably wouldn't touch the bulk of it during the break but would just reload the car and dutifully bring it back up to university with him in January.

"We haven't arranged anything," I replied. "He tends to just turn up out of the blue when he needs a bit of... er... company."

Jake chuckled. He was well aware of the sort of company Guy enjoyed. I still blushed to think of one Friday evening back in March or April when Guy had come over and, even though he knew that Jake was in the next room, had been so brazenly impassioned and sexually unrestrained that it had felt like my bedroom had been shaking in time with his grunting and pounding.

Any pretence I might have tried to maintain up until then that Guy and I were just into rimming had been brutally and noisily dispelled. Jake could have been under no allusions that he was hearing his dad being very roughly buggered by his friend's father's cock and it had seemed like the whole house had been steeped in the crude stink our hot, sweaty exertions had managed to produce.

And yet, the next morning, Jake didn't seem in any way disapproving of the very obvious homosexual shafting I'd received in the next room to his. Indeed, he had had quipped that I could think of him as sitting on the subs bench if ever I found I needed a break from Guy's demands.

I'd asked him what he meant and he'd just laughed, saying it had been a joke. But I'd suspected if I really had knocked on his bedroom door with a request for him to fill in for me for half an hour while I was taking a breather, he would have been in there like a shot. And I doubted I could have persuaded him to come out again when I was ready to resume.

I knew for a fact that he masturbated when he could hear me having sex with other men: something he never did when I had Debbie to stay over. Whenever the other guy and I would pause in the middle of sex, perhaps to adjust our position or when it was time to change places, a gentle thudding would continue through the bedroom wall, like a delayed echo of our rhythm from my son's bedroom.

And once, when I'd had two men to stay and we were experimenting rather messily with double penetration, I'd popped out to the bathroom for a new box of tissues and had found him outside my bedroom door, claiming to be en route to the kitchen for a glass of water as he struggled to conceal how much his boxer shorts were tenting outwards.

He liked male-to-male sex and had, over the course of the past year, become more and more expressive of that fact.

But at the same time, since starting at university, he'd started talking a lot about a girl called Ellie and would occasionally refer to her as his 'girlfriend'.

"How's Ellie?" I asked as we waited at some lights.

He shrugged. "Okay, I guess."

They'd met at a party during Freshers' Week and had been going out together intermittently since. I was fairly sure he was sleeping with her – he sometimes stayed over at the flats she was living at – but at the same time he would throw in hints that he was more than friendly with a guy called Marcus.

Indeed, it was Marcus who was coming to stay over with us during the Christmas break, not Ellie.

Ellie was too busy, or so Jake said.

Whereas Marcus was booked in for the weekend after next.

"Should I make up the spare room?" I'd asked him when he'd told me.

"Don't bother," Jake had replied. "We're used to sharing."

"Your single bed is a bit small for the two of you lads to squeeze into," I'd queried.

"We'll be fine," he'd retorted and had refused to be drawn on any further details.

So I rather wondered if Jake was mirroring my own sexual habits, having Debbie as my 'girlfriend' who I brandished on my arm at social occasions, and a beguiling variety of male acquaintances who kept me entertained in the bedroom.

Could my son really be dating Ellie while he was secretly shagging Marcus? I wasn't completely sure, but I had strong suspicions.

"Does your friend Marcus have a girlfriend?" I asked him with an innocent smile as we pulled onto the motorway.

"Yeah," he said impassively. "But they're not that close."

"And yet the two of you guys seem very close...?" I asked, a touch mischievously.

He smirked, clearly catching my drift. "We're there for each other."

"Like the way Bradley and I are there for each other?"

He nodded slowly. "Kind of."

I smiled. We both knew the score even if we weren't being frank about it.

I was pleased that Jake had discovered there was more to sex than what he did with girls; I only wished I had made a similar discovery, without the self-recriminations that would have plagued me, when I'd been his age. My life, I was sure, would have taken a very different course – though if it had meant I wouldn't have married Linda and so wouldn't have Jake sitting next to me now, perhaps it was best that things had turned out as they had.

I found myself looking forward to Marcus coming to visit.

I'd met him briefly one weekend when I'd popped up to see Jake. I hadn't been aware of his significance back then and so I hadn't really taken much notice of him. He had blond curly hair and seemed quite athletic – I vaguely remembered, now that I thought about it, he was studying archaeology or something similar. He didn't seem at all gay, but then he wouldn't. Like Jake, he obviously liked girls but had found he could also be very effectively pleasured by his own gender.

And if Jake's sex drive was anything like mine – and I was fairly sure it was – the two of them were probably at it like a couple of rabbits.

Yes, it would be very interesting to have him visit us and to see how he and Jake would behave around each other. How often they'd sneak upstairs together; what sounds would emerge from their room after lights-out.

"Do you have any other guys who you're friendly with," I asked him, "the way you're friendly with Marcus?"

He smiled and nodded. "One or two."

"A bit of variety can be nice," I proposed.

"Yeah, but Marcus and I are pretty... you know... compatible," he explained.

I understood what he meant. It was the same with Bradley and me. Guy was exciting but frustratingly one-sided, Troy could be too cold and clinical and Duncan was just so unreliable. I'd recently met a builder called Andy on the internet, but he kept trying to push things in directions I wasn't comfortable with.

I wondered if Jake and Marcus had gone as far as having intercourse together, or whether they were content to simply grope each other or would take turns orally. Having seen the lewd depictions of homosexual sex in Jake's cartoons, I knew him to be fascinated with male penetration and I thought it likely that anal sex in some form would represent an important part of his sexual relations with other young men.

Perhaps I would get to see him naked – the older he got, the less he seemed to care about showering with the bathroom door wide open or getting dressed while we were chatting. When he bent down for something I would risk a sneaky look at his backside to see if, just as mine was last time I'd checked in in the mirror, it was betraying signs of sexual activity. If he was in the habit of pleasuring Marcus or any other of his male friends, it would be likely that his swollen ring was starting to pucker outwards from repeated intrusions and his hole might even gape open from being recently well-used.

Yes, I'd definitely take a peek if the opportunity arose, and then dart to my bedroom to compare whatever he was flaunting back there with what I was starting to rather proudly show off.

Since he was making it clear that something was going on between them, it seemed abundantly likely I would get to hear the two of them enjoying each other's company when Marcus stayed over. And I probably would, like Jake before me, take up my own solitary rhythm in the adjoining room.

Or perhaps I'd invite Bradley over that night, or Guy if he was free. That might be fun; yes, I'd sound one of them out.

It would be good for Marcus to see that I wasn't some fuddy-duddy dad who'd be shocked by what he had going on with my son. That whatever the two of them were up to, I was also an ardent fan of.

"How did the two of you first get together?" I asked.

"'Get together' as in..."

I smiled over at him, eager to finally cut to the chase. "You know what I mean."

"Okay," he said, his look towards me seeming to acknowledge that he could dispense with ambiguity.

"Obviously you don't mind...?" he asked.

"Mind?" I laughed. "Surely, I'm the last person you'd expect to mind!"

He smiled across at me. "Yeah, but it's one thing for you to play around with other guys. But for me... well... sometimes it's like you think I'm still a little kid..."

I smiled back at him. "I try not to, Jake. It just doesn't seem that long ago to me that you were one, I guess. But no, I certainly don't mind that you're being so... unreserved with Marcus."

He grinned more broadly, pleased to have my assent.

I'd always told Jake that he shouldn't be afraid to experiment sexually, within certain limits of course, and, while I hadn't for a second expected him to be interested in his own gender, I was pleased that he felt able to enjoy intimacy with another male without apparently experiencing the guilt that I would have at his age.

"So come on, then," I asked again. "How did the two of you first hook up?"

Jake chuckled. "Let's just say we were both pretty drunk."

I nodded. "Now where have I heard that before?"

"It wasn't like you and Guy," he chuckled. "It started out with us playing Jenga with a few mates while we downed several bottles of vodka."

"What's Jenga?" I asked, wondering if it was some weird sexual thing I hadn't heard of.

"You know, that game with the wooden blocks. Where you build a tower and take it turns to pull the blocks out without it falling down."

"Oh, yes." Wasn't that for children?

"Well, like I say, we were all pretty drunk and we stuck labels to the blocks with different dares on them. Like, 'kiss the person to your left' and 'flash your knob out of the flat window'... that kind of stuff."

"Okay..." I could see how that would give the game a more adult slant.

"The one who knocked the tower down had to close his eyes and choose one of the blocks he'd pulled out, and then do whatever the dare was. It sounds pretty stupid but at the time it was actually very funny."

"So which block did you pick when it was your turn?"

"I had to lick the backside of the person sitting next to me, who happened to be Marcus."

"Who thought up that as a dare?"

Jake grinned. "Me, actually."

Of course it had been him. Given how much exposure he'd had to male rimming, it was blatantly obvious that he would be the one to throw that dare in.

"I didn't expect I'd end up being the one to do it," he insisted. "I thought it would be funny seeing one of the other lads having to lick someone's hairy butt."

"So did you actually do it?"

Jake nodded. "Of course I did. It was part of the game."

"And how did you find it?"

"Well, at first it was like totally heinous. I wasn't actually sure I could do it. I tried to get away with just licking his butt-cheek, but the guys wouldn't have that and kept saying it wasn't 'in the spirit of the dare'."

I smiled. "You'd have said the same thing in their position."

"Too true I would," he agreed, "but I had to give it a shot. Anyway, after that I tried just licking up near the top of his crack, but they wouldn't let me get away with that either. Everyone knows how far down the... well... bullseye is, and that's where they said I had to push my tongue. Not just poke it out, but push it right in."

"And did you still find it... er... 'heinous'?"

I didn't like the way he used that word but I was too caught up in the story to pick him up on it.

"The thing is, I found – just like you, I guess – that I actually enjoyed it. I didn't act like I did, of course: I pretended to gag and retch and stuff, but I actually found it... well... pretty exciting, even though I was doing it to another guy."

I smiled. "And did Marcus enjoy it?"

"He didn't let on either, but... yeah... he did. And so later that night, when he was too drunk to stagger back to his place, he crashed with me and we did it again. Properly this time, and taking turns on each other. We enjoyed it so much, we tried some other stuff... and then, next morning, tried even more."

Little over a year ago, I would have been stunned by Jake's admission that he had drunkenly rimmed a male friend and they had gone on to experiment sexually together. Now I was pleased to discover he was enjoying a form of sex I knew to be intensely stimulating.

"Weren't either of you... well... a bit freaked out?" I asked. "I know I was after the first time. I was plagued by the rights and wrongs of it... more by the wrongs, perhaps unsurprisingly."

He shrugged. "Not really. We discussed it... you know... whether it meant we were gay and all that. But we both fancy girls and what we do together doesn't change that... we're just... well... slightly more than just good mates, I suppose."

I wanted to tell him that the two of them were fuck-buddies, but I thought the term too coarse to use with my son.

"Marcus says it's no different to the two of us wanking off together," he went on. "I mean, masturbating together."

I smiled. He thought I wouldn't know what wanking was.

"Quite a few guys do that," he added. "Straight guys, I mean. It's just that Marcus and I use each other's bodies to help each other out. So when you look at it like that, there's nothing really wrong with it."

"There's nothing wrong with it whichever way you look at it," I asserted. "Whatever you're doing together."

"It's not like we're boyfriends or anything like that."

"So you're not... you know... in love with him?"

Jake laughed. "Not even remotely! I fancy Ellie... and I still get turned on by other girls. Marcus and I just... sort of... mess around together. It's just a bit of fun... nothing more."

"That's pretty much how I feel about the guys I know," I agreed. "It's nice to experience that intimacy with your own gender. It seems to me like it's a perfectly natural form of sexual expression which doesn't need to bring with it any emotional ties."


Driving Home for Christmas



Authors Note

I am indebted to Mostera 1 for casting an eye over this and helping me improv e this story.






It happens every Christmas, the radio stations pick a number of festive songs and play them every hour so that we all get heartily sick of them. Often it's Merry Christmas Everybody by Slade, this year the most popular seems to be Chris Rea's Driving Home for Christmas.

It's just come on again, for the second time since I left my Lake District cottage. As I edged along the motorway, driving from jam to jam, it sounded like Chris was singing from my viewpoint.

I'm driving home for Christmas,

I've got red lights all around.

Well he was right there, we crawled along the M6, and the cars all around are braking to a standstill again. I was thankful that this was the last year I would undertake this journey in the holiday season. I looked across at my wife. She was sound asleep as usual. For the last ten years I'd either done this drive or a much longer one. I pulled into the nearside lane as John Lennon came on the Radio singing So this is Christmas. When John asked, "And what have you done?"

I had to answer, "Quite a lot actually John."

It was true over the last ten years a lot had happened, and most of it on or around Christmas. Ten years ago was supposed to be our first Christmas back home again. The previous year Phoebe had started at university, and David was already there, so Penny and I were empty nesters. This was our chance we thought. We were free to do something useful with our lives. I'd become disillusioned with education and Penny felt she could do something that made more difference to people. We'd both seen TV programs showing the plight of kids in Romanian orphanages. We saw an advert for someone to manage a project that took children out of the state orphanages and gave them a more normal life. We applied and got the job. To tell the truth Penny got the job, and took me along for the ride. We'd been offered a one year contract, so I negotiated a one year sabbatical and off we went.

They prepared us reasonably well. We had a day before we went when we had back to back classes on Romanian culture and the language. Our final class was all about the things we had to be careful about. They told us all about the gypsy beggars and the pickpocket gangs that would be after, not just our cash, but also our passports. The single people in the group were warned against allowing themselves to be seduced by someone of the opposite sex. They were told this was a common ploy for people wanting the right to live in the U.K. Both Penny and I were surprised that people would go to such lengths just to be able to live in Britain.

It turned out that our classes hadn't prepared us well at all. Rural Romania was like going back in time sixty or seventy years. Few houses had running water, and the electricity went off for at least a few hours a week. However, the country was beautiful, and the people warm and friendly. We loved the country but so much needed doing and we felt we were only scratching the surface. 

When a leading charity advertised for a project coordinator for Romania and Bulgaria, Penny applied. By Romanian standards the salary was out of this world. The charity provided a flat, car with driver, and an interpreter. Even Penny was surprised when she was offered the job. The remuneration package meant that we could live like kings in Romania. We decided that Penny should stay on, moving to Bucharest, and I should return home to honour my obligation to the college. That August saw me flying home, leaving my lovely wife behind. Penny's employer would pay for flights home three times a year. We planned for her to come home for Christmas, Easter, and August. At the end of her long summer break, we would both fly back to Bucharest.

I can't say that I was happy leaving her behind, but it was only until Christmas. At the airport she waved me off with tears in her eyes. 





Driving Home for Christmas



"Please don't hurt me, please. I've got money. I can give you money, please don't hurt me."

It took me a while to realise who she was talking to. It sounded like she was talking to a stranger. Then I remembered the Santa suit and the beard.

"Where is Ion? What have you done to him?" 

I just pointed to the hall as I moved over to check the wardrobes. I checked out the spare bedroom and the bathroom before returning to the hallway. Penny was kneeling beside Ion, still holding the sheet around her. I stood by them grabbed her purse and opened it.

"You see, see I've got money. Here take it but don't hurt us please."

I stepped closer and letting go of the sheet she held her left hand out to stop me." The sheet fell down exposing her naked breasts. "That's what he tells his mates." I thought. "She may be old but she's still got a hot body and she can't get enough of me."

I grabbed her hand and started to pull off the rings. The pleading started all over again.

"Not my rings. Oh please not my rings; Take the money please."

"What can I tell my husband." she said as the rings came off her fingers.

I looked down at her with nothing but contempt and I spoke for the first time.

"You don't have a husband, not anymore."

It's strange when you have that much adrenaline coursing through your veins. I could see the shock spreading across her face.

"Drew!" she almost whispered. She reached up and pulled the beard down revealing my face.

"NO" she screamed as I walked away.

"Happy Christmas." I said, as I walked out the door. The girls said nothing as I walked past them. The lift doors were closing as Penny came out into the corridor, still trying to cover herself with the sheet.

"Don't go Drew, we need to talk, it isn't what it looks like. Please Drew, come back"

Percy reached for the door open button but I grabbed her hand and held it away from the buttons. As the lift started moving I turned to look at them.

"Have you girls got room for a passenger?"

"No." said Jackie."Nobody rides for free. You'll have to earn your keep."

"I will, Jackie. I'll do whatever you want."

"Now that sounds interesting, what do you say Perce?"

"Leave him alone Jackie, can't you see what a mess he's in?"

"I'll tell you what, He may be in a mess, but I'm glad he's on our side. Did you see the way that guy went down?"

"Just zip it sergeant." Percy was getting irritated. She turned to me."Get in the back and get your head down, we'll talk later."

She slapped me lightly on the shoulder as I got in the back of the van.

Curled up on the mattress I tried to sleep but as my anger subsided the sorrow and the questions started. Did she just not love me anymore? Why not just tell me she'd found someone else? What could that scrawny little runt give her that I couldn't? Eventually rocked by the motion of the van, sleep swept over me. It was 1pm when I woke and climbed into the cab next to Percy.

"Feeling better? She asked.

"I don't know how I feel right now. I'm calmer than I was. It seems like a bad dream now, I can't believe it happened."

"Oh it happened alright. I wish it hadn't, I've never witnessed anything like that before. I hope I never see it again."

"Oh dear was it that ugly?"

"Not so much ugly as harrowing. You seem like a pretty nice bloke, we've come to like you a lot. It's hard to see a mate go through something like that. For what it's worth I thought you were very restrained."

She put a hand on my thigh and squeezed it "We're just coming up to Sibiu. What do you say we stop and break out the camping stove? I don't know about you but I'm missing that breakfast we didn't get in Bucharest."

"You've got my vote." said Jackie from the driving seat.

We stopped, we cooked, we ate and we talked. By the time we were ready to move on I was more in control and able to take my turn at the wheel. I was happy to continue driving so both of the girls got some sleep. They woke in time to find me arguing with the border guards about how much I should pay in export duty on the fuel in our tanks. They wanted fifty British pounds. They weren't interested in Romanian lieu. I showed the guards the mattress in the back and told them we would happily sleep in the van and take our chances with the next shift. Five minutes later they came back with an offer of five pounds. In the end they settled for all the Romanian money we had and we were on our way again.

I turned in once we got onto the main road to Budapest and surprisingly slept. I was surprised to find that after a few hours I was not alone. A warm slim body slipped into the sleeping bag with me. I turned to find Persephone snuggling up to me.

"Are you OK?" she asked.

"I think the hospital term would be, as well as can be expected."

"That bad huh?"

"I feel sort of numb really."

"That's understandable. It will get better and we'll help you."

She kissed me on the forehead and cuddled up to me. She was wearing nothing but her underwear and as we lay there I was surprised to find there were stirrings in my loins. Percy ran her hand down my chest and I started to get hard. When she reached my waste I put my hand on hers and held it.

"Any further and your likely to get a surprise."

"I'm a nurse, not much surprises me. To be honest I'd be very disappointed if there was no reaction."

"Oh there's definitely a reaction. Little Drew is getting very excited but big Drew is not ready for anything like that yet."

"That's OK we can just cuddle for a while."

"Thanks, I'd like that."

We must have lay there for more than an hour and I noticed Persephone had fallen asleep. I extracted myself from her embrace and joined Jackie in the cab.

"I knew it." she said. "Not so eager to get away from Percy were you? I should be insulted."

"Nothing happened, alright? Nothing."

She just smiled at me "If you say so."

"I do say so."

"None of my business anyway. You like her, she likes you. Where's the problem? You're not still thinking about your wife are you?"

"It may come as a surprise to you Jackie, but I'm not at all sure what I think about my wife at this time. For more than twenty years I've loved her unconditionally. Now I hate what she's done but I'm not sure how I feel about her. I'm still getting my head around it."

She went quiet for a while. It was another ten minutes before she spoke again. "Look Drew, I'm sorry right. It's just that the way you tore into that arsehole in Bucharest, I thought that it was all over."

"It probably is but I just don't feel single just yet. Can you understand that?"

She reached over and patted my leg. "She doesn't deserve you. You know that."

I put my hand on top of hers. "Thanks Jackie. -- Just say when you want me to take over the driving."

An hour later I took the wheel, and took us all the way to the Austrian border. Once back in Western Europe we stopped for food and fuel. During the meal I tried to keep the conversation away from my personal life, with some success. Percy's eyes rarely strayed from my face. Whenever her eyes met mine she would smile, reach out and squeeze my hand. We decided that had to be the last food stop on the journey. We had to get back to Calais by Christmas eve so from there on it would be fuel and toilet stops only. We stocked up on soft drinks, cold food and snacks that could be eaten on the move. We had a rota of four hours driving four hours in the cab and four hours sleeping. I had first shift in the sleeping bag. To my surprise I slept but three hours in it became apparent that the shift system had gone out of the window I woke to find a naked Percy climbing into the bag with me. She pulled my head down to her breast.

"You may not realise it yet but you need this. From my experience it cures a lot of ills."

"I sorry Perce I really don't think I'll be up to much right now."

"Nonsense, just do to me what you really want to do to her. Just this once Drew, use me. We can work everything else out later but right now just fuck me."

She could feel my erection and knew I was ready for her and she was right about how I felt. If Jenny had been there I would have fucked her. There would have been no love involved, I wanted to hurt her the way I was hurting. I'm not proud of myself but I did as she suggested I thrust into her as if she was Penny and I wanted it to hurt her. There was no gentleness, no caressing or kissing, no love just hard rampant sex. More than once she cried out but she never tried to stop me. Her legs wrapped around me as I pumped my juices into her, and then we were done. 

As I fell to the side of her I looked at her face and was overcome with guilt and shame. I'd deliberately tried to hurt this lovely young woman purely because the one I wanted to hurt wasn't there. She may have invited it but that was no excuse. I started to apologise and for the first time the tears started to come. Percy said nothing. She wrapped her arms around me and held me close to her as I cried for the loss of my wife and the mother of my children. 

Even Jackie was tactful enough to say nothing as I slipped into the passenger seat. I'd been sitting there for an hour or more before she eventually spoke.

"Toilets and fuel stop at the next service centre, are you OK with driving after that?"

"Yeah, I'm fine with that; it'll give me something to do."

"So what happens now? For you I mean."

"I go home. Maybe I'll ring my mother to see if she's got room for me for Christmas dinner. I suppose I'll have to tell her and my kids all about it." 

"I don't envy you in the slightest, but don't worry about your mum; she'll make room for you. It's what mums do."





Driving Home for Christmas



She disconnected the call and dropped the phone back in the console.

Reaching over, she squeezed my hand.

"They are all looking forward to seeing us."

"I'm looking forward to it aswell, especially the kids. I've not been much of a Grandpa, living up in Ullswater."

"I'm sure they'll love having us nearby."

"You realise we'll end up as cheap baby sitters, don't you."

"Of course I do, and stop making it sound like you resent that. You'll love having them as much as they'll love being with us."

I smiled at her. "You know me too well,"

"Why do I do that?" I asked myself. I always made it sound like I didn't want to be burdened with my grandchildren. The truth was just the opposite and the children knew it.

"Drew, would you like me to take over the driving. You must be feeling tired by now."

"Well I can't say I'm not a bit fed up with this traffic. I'm not used to having someone to hand over to. As Boney M started singing Mary's Boy Child as the traffic started to thin out a bit. We moved off again.





Driving Home for Christmas



Both Phoebe and my mother were looking at Penny.

"Now the way I see it here is that somebody is telling porky pies, and I know it isn't me."

"Mummy how could you?" Phoebe said as Penny's head sank into her hands and she started to cry. 

This was the moment I'd dreaded. I could never stand to see a woman cry but when that woman was the love of my life I was sure I'd cave in. I sat watching her cry waiting for my tears to fall. I expected the urge to move around the table to take her in my arms. Nothing happened. 

"Oh Drew, I'm so, so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to hurt you. I love you. I was just so lonely and when a younger man found me attractive I just buckled. I've sent him away, honest I have. I'll never see him again. I'll give up my job and move back home. Please Drew; please say you'll forgive me."

"You don't have do that Penny. You don't have to give up your job."

She stopped crying and when she looked at me I could see the hope in her eyes. "You really mean that, I can continue working in Bucharest?"

"Of course you can.--Most solicitors are quite capable of handling something like this over the phone and, with the money they are paying you, I'm sure you could fly back for any serious negotiations." 

Both my mother and daughter sat there open mouthed as I continued. "What you have to decide is whether to accept my offer and let the divorce go ahead quickly, or whether you are going to fight over every last teaspoon and drag it out for three or four years. I think I know which one Ion will want." 

I paused, waiting for her answer. It was a long time coming. She tried to compose herself and then spoke quietly. "I've told you before, I don't want a divorce. It has nothing to do with Ion. We are not together anymore. I want you; I want to grow old with you. Please forgive me and let's start again I'll do anything you want."

This time I was the one who left the dramatic pause. "Now I really have a problem. You say you've split up with Ion, but you came in here telling me you were never together. You see my problem? What do I believe? I can't spend the rest of my life trying to figure out what is the truth. I don't want to worry every time you smile at another man, and I don't think you want that either. --I think you'll find the terms are quite fair. Everything left in your current account and the savings account is yours to keep. The only thing I want is this house. I have many fond memories of this house. I want to keep it. You don't have to make your mind up straight away. Go back to Bucharest; talk it over with Ion. I'm sure you'll come to the right decision."

"How many times do I have to say this? Ion is no longer a part of my life." She got up and paced back and forth at the end of the table. "I don't believe this. I make one mistake, just one mistake, and you want to throw away twenty two years. Twenty two good years of working together, bringing up children together and yes, loving each other. You want to throw it away for one mistake."

Still calm I sat at the table and spoke quietly. "I didn't throw any of that away; you did, when you invited that slimy little bastard into your bed. The minute you let him persuade you to break your promise to us, and stay out there for Christmas. What did he tell you? That you couldn't trust your Romanian Project workers to do their visits if you weren't there checking up on them? That they'd be selling all the food on the black market as soon as you got on the plane? You of course swallowed it all because deep down you wanted to stay with him. You wanted the thrill of going to all the parties with your young lover on your arm, then going home to ride on his young hard dick. He stroked your ego as much as your pussy. He may be gone now, but he'll be back, because he's in love. He's in love with your lovely red British passport. --I think this meeting is over let me know your decision. If you want to fight the settlement you'll need to find a solicitor."

I got up, walked to the front door and held it open. It didn't take long for them to take the hint. Penny walked out first; she tried to kiss me but ended up brushing her lips across my cheek.

"Just so that you know, I'm staying at your mother's" She walked out with her head down and got in her hire car. 

My mother followed her and as she came past me she said, "I hope you know what you're doing."

"So do I Mum. So do I."

Phoebe was the last to leave. "I'm sorry Daddy; I really thought it was all a misunderstanding. How can you be so calm?"

"I don't know sweetie. It just feels like I'm somewhere else just watching all this happen. I guess it's some form of defence mechanism."

"Well I don't like it, I want my Daddy back. --I'm going to Gran's house to help settle her down, then I'll be back. I love you Dad" 





Driving Home for Christmas



"Mum she's 32, I'm 45; what interest could she possibly have in me? We're friends, that's all."

"Well call it wishful thinking if you like, but I see more than that. I'm telling you, you could do a lot worse."

On the drive back home Percy was bright as usual. "I like your mum, she's so natural and she's worried about you."

I started to smile.

"What?" asked Percy

"It's nothing."

"It must be something, that's the first time I've seen you smile since I got here."

"It's just mum matchmaking. I told her you were out of my league."

"And how do you know that?"

"What?"

"You don't know what league you're in until you start playing the game, and you my friend, haven't begun to play the game yet." 

When we got home we started work on the house she tidied and dusted while I went round with the vacuum cleaner. By the time evening came upon us, it was back to the state that Penny would have found acceptable. We sat on the Sofa. Percy's head was on my shoulder and we both had a glass of wine. She snuggled up to me.

"That was a lovely and very productive day. This place looks more like a home now. There is only one problem. --It looks like her home doesn't it."

I looked around at the photos, ornaments and nick knacks. All Penny's, nothing of mine on show at all there were ornaments I'd bought her for her collection. There were photographs of the two of us, some of the children, but nothing that showed that I lived there. 

"I don't see you with any of this. I see you as a man with books on the shelf not ornaments. What about all these cushions?"

I pulled one out from behind me. "I've always hated them. Unnecessary clutter as far as I'm concerned. I think Penny thought that you couldn't have too many cushions,"

"Well it's your house now. It's time to make your mark on it. Sweep away the old life and start again. We'll start tomorrow after you've seen the doctor." 

"I don't need to see the doctor, there's nothing wrong with me."

"Yes there is, and you are going to see him tomorrow."

'You'll be lucky' I thought as I imagined Percy doing battle with the doctor's receptionist. She stood up, taking my hand and indicating that she wanted me to get up. 

"Come on." she said."I'm tired; it's time to turn in."

That night as I spooned into her my hand fell down onto her naked breast. She put her own hand on top of it and pushed it hard against her. Little Drew was not responding, but I loved just holding her.

"Percy."I whispered. "My mum was right; you're much too feminine to be called Percy. Can I call you Seph or Sephie? She turned her head towards me. 

"Are you saying you want to be my daddy?" 

"No of course not I just think Sephie suits you better."

"As long as you hold me like this, you can call me anything you like."

I knew what she meant there was tremendous comfort in holding her. I even felt a certain stirring down below, something I hadn't felt since Penny went back to Romania.

I was up and about early again the next morning. I left Sephie, in bed. Just because I couldn't sleep past 4.30 am there was no need for her to be up. Something she'd said the previous night was eating at me. She was right, this is my damned house, I thought, and I'm going to take it back. I went out to the garage and found a box and some newspaper. The first thing to go was Penny's collection of frog ornaments. I wrapped each one in newspaper and put it into the box. With everyone there was a memory, and some brought tears to my eyes, but I carried on. I'd finished the frog collection and started on the framed photographs when I heard her behind me.

"We only cleaned this place yesterday, what are you doing?"

"I'm boxing up her life, to make room for mine."

"That sounds like a good idea, but don't you think you should have put some clothes on first."

I looked down at myself and realised that I was stark naked. "Oops" was all I had to say.

Sephie laughed at me. I looked at the clock and was surprised to find it was already 8:20 am.

"I'll go up and have a shower and get dressed" I said.

After a longer than normal shower, and a quick shave, I got dressed and went back downstairs. I was just in time to hear one side of a telephone conversation.

"I don't care what the rules are. He needs to see a doctor and he needs it today." I knew she'd have this sort of trouble.

"OK so who makes the rules, put me through to them. -- To hell with the practice manager, let me speak to the senior partner." She put her hand over the phone.

"Breakfast is on the table." she said. She returned to her call."OK, he can talk to me now or be talking to the chairman of the Primary Healthcare Trust before lunch. Ask him which it is to be?" There was a long pause before she spoke again. "If it was physical I'd have taken him to the hospital." Another pause "Look Mr Styles needs to see a doctor today. If you insist on prevaricating I will hold you personally responsible for anything that happens to him. -- Yes 12 noon will do fine thank you."

She came to the table and sat down.

"Was all that strictly necessary?" I asked.

"I think it was. You need some medication. The sooner you get started on it the better. I can help you with most things but I can't prescribe medicine." 

At the doctor's surgery, I felt like a little boy having mummy come in to talk to the doctor. As it happened it was a good job I did because Sephie told him a lot more than I would have. He seemed very interested in the out of body feeling. He told me I was suffering from shock and depression and thanked Seph for bringing me in. He wanted to talk to her about her battlefield nursing, but time constraints meant that we had to leave. The doctor gave me a prescription and advised me join a gym and see a counsellor. I told him that was no problem as the college provided both. 

When I took my certificate in to work, Bob took one look at me and said "Thank god your back."

"I'm not coming back for a month Bob. The doctor signed me off."

"If it means I get the real you back, you can take another month."

"I hope one will be enough."

I went home to finish boxing up ornaments and picture frames. It was partway through the second day before I had all traces of Penny boxed up and in the garage. I'd even moved out the glass fronted display cabinet, she used to display her Clarice Cliff tea set. I sat down at my desk and wrote a letter asking her what she wanted to do with it all. 

It took about three days for the medication to start kicking in and I started to feel more connected to real life again. The daily workouts at the gym were actually making me feel better and giving me an appetite. Sephie came with me to the gym and little Drew started to get excited when I watched her on the rowing machine. The house was looking somewhat bare after my purge and I was considering what to do with it. I decided to completely redecorate and buy new furniture. Out would go the flowery fabric sofa and chairs and in would come a leather chesterfield and a recliner. With the furniture ordered we started on the painting. It was while we were painting the living room that the second phone call came.

I knew who it was as soon as the operator asked for my name. "I have a call for you," the operator said in a very thick Romanian accent. Penny came on almost immediately.

"Oh Drew, Drew how could you?" I thought this had something to do with clearing out her belongings.

"How could I what?"

"I know you were upset, but I never thought you'd be this vindictive."

"Penny, it would help if I knew what the hell you are talking about."

"It's Ion. He's been sacked. They said it was because his relationship with me was not professional."

"Why would that have anything to do with me? You told me you'd given him his marching orders."

"Well we might have had dinner together once or twice."

"And I'll bet that was followed by breakfast the following day."

"Aren't I entitled to some male company? After all you made it clear you don't want me any more."

"Are you surprised? I gave you the chance to explain and all we got was lies, with you trying to convince everyone that it was my fault. That I'd got it all wrong."

"Even so, you didn't have to report Ion to my bosses. Now I've got a crabby old woman for an interpreter And Ion can't get another job, he thinks he's been black listed."

"Well I am sorry." I said, my voice dripping with Irony. "It couldn't happen to a nicer bloke."

Sephie took the phone from my hand.

"Now listen to me you selfish bitch. Drew has a lot more to worry about than whether your toy boy has a job or not. What's the problem? I'm sure you'll keep him in the manner to which he wants to become accustomed."

"You swan off to Romania leaving a broken man behind you, and all you can worry about is your lover's job. Now go back to riding your boyfriend and leave us alone. (pause) Don't give me any of that. I was there. I know what happened. --Nice tits by the way."

She put the phone down.

"Selfish Cow" she said.

We stood there looking at one another without saying a word. Her eyes softened as she looked at me, I could feel a smile spreading across my face. We moved closer and as we did the laughter started. We fell into each other's arms, still laughing.

"Did you just tell my ex-wife, she has nice tits?"

"I did." she giggled "I should have said for your age." we giggled some more.

"Did you mean it?"

"Yeah, of course. They didn't sag much and they're bigger than mine."

"I'm not so sure about that, I think I need to look at yours to compare them."

She pulled off her paint daubed tee shirt, reached behind and unclipped her bra. She brought her arms forward and let the bra fall to the floor. I just stood looking at her with my mouth open.

"Well." she said "what do you think."

"Maybe a little smaller, but absolutely gorgeous." 

I moved my hands up to cup them and as I did I brushed my thumbs across her nipples. They immediately started to stiffen. She moved her hands up my arms and suddenly we were locked in a passionate embrace. I felt her pulling on my tee shirt so I leaned forward to allow her to pull it off. We tugged at each other's waistbands and in no time we were both naked rolling around on the dustsheets, picking up all the spots of paint we'd dripped on them. Our tongues danced the tonsil tango as we lay side by side in a tangle of arms and legs. I rolled her onto her back and used my mouth to re-examine her breasts. She took my head in her hands and pulled it hard to her breast.

"Oh yes, Drew. Make love to me."

I climbed between her legs, happy to note that little Drew was standing to attention. As I entered her she let out a huge sigh. As I slowly moved in and out of her she pulled my head down to kiss me. I could feel her fingers moving deftly across my back. I found my self driven to push down harder into her with every stroke. She arched her back and her hands came down to my arse pulling me harder into her. Her loud grunts gave away the fact that she was having an orgasm. I paused for a while buried deep inside her as she came down from the ecstasy. I rolled over bringing her over on top of me. I pulled her arse cheeks apart slipping my finger in to stroke her rosebud anus. The result was renewed thrusting.

"Oh my god, Drew. Oh my god, Oh my god."

My finger entered her anus and her shouts became incomprehensible as the thrusts became harder and the grip got tighter. I'd tried to hold back as long as I could but as her body started to shake I felt my juice pumping into her. She lay on top of me as she came down from her orgasm. I could feel the moisture on her back as I moved my fingers gently across it. She lifted her head and kissed me.

"I've said it before and I'll say it again. That woman must be crazy."

"But she does have nice tits."

She laughed at me. "Yes she does, but I'm glad you're playing with mine." 

Up to that point I'd been unaware that I was stroking the side of her breasts. I moved my hands up and stroked her shoulders and massaged her neck.

"Do you know? I could lie like this forever."

"It's alright for you; you haven't got the lid of the paint tin under your arse."

"I rolled over on top of her and she ran her hands down over my arse. She found the lid and pulled it off. 

"Now you'll have a big grey circle on your bum. --Perhaps we ought to go up and have a shower. I'll clean the paint off you." 

It turned out we both had paint on us but it came off fairly easily. I joked about buying some red paint and coating her body with it so that I could roll her along the wall. It quickly degenerated into game of chase me which somehow ended up with us lying naked on the bed. We didn't get much more painting done that day. For the first time, since before Christmas, I felt happy. 

She stayed with me for a month before she had to leave to go back to her unit in Catterick. I didn't know whether to laugh or be offended when she told me how she'd secured her leave. She told them she needed compassionate leave to go home and nurse her father back to health. 

"Why did you do that? I don't mean why did you tell them that. I mean why did you come? A girl like you must have hundreds of young men queuing up to be with you. Why did you waste your time on a boring old fart who can't even hold on to the woman he had?"

"First of all will you stop calling yourself old. You are not old. Second I came here because I wanted to. I like you Drew, I really do. I thought I'd made that abundantly clear. Yes there are other men, there is even one particular man, but he's in the army too and we don't get to see a lot of each other. While we are a apart we have a sort of "Don't ask, Don't tell" agreement. I know that makes me sound promiscuous, but I'm not. Apart from Clifford, you are the only man I've slept with in two years. If I thought..."

She didn't seem to be able to finish what she wanted to say.

"If you thought what?" I asked

"It doesn't matter. What I'm trying to say is that I'm finding it very hard to leave, but I have to go. We are still friends and I want to keep in touch. We can get together from time to time. I really care for you Drew, but I have to go."

After she left we tried to Skype each other every night and whenever possible one of us would travel to be with the other. I was eating properly and still using the college gym, and soon put some of the weight back. This time it was in all the right places. When David and Phoebe came home for the summer break they found a new home and a new dad. When I met Phoebe at the station she gave me a double take.

"Wow Dad, you look so fit. What happened to you?"

"I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started on building a new life."

"Well whatever you are doing, you should keep it up. I've never seen you looking so good."

"Just wait till you see the house."

She filled me in on the happenings at university. We got home and as I took her through the front door her jaw dropped.

"This is amazing." she went into the living room then the dining room.

"It's all so ... so ... I don't know, so you."

She looked along the shelves which once held ornaments. "All your favourite books I see, and I like the pictures. It's all so different, sort of minimal. Not my taste maybe but anyone who knows you would know this is your house."

"You'll be glad to know, your room is exactly how you left it." 

David was far less effusive. He walked into the living room and said, "Whatever happened to your hatred of decorating?"

"I had a bit of help."

"You must have. Who ever it was did a better job of motivating you than mum ever did."

"Strangely enough your mother provided a lot of the motivation."

"Yeah, well perhaps the less said about that the better, eh Dad? --Still, it looks good, sort of up market bachelor pad."

The two of them spent some time catching up during dinner. It wasn't till we sat drinking coffee that things began to open up. I could tell that Phoebe had something on her mind so I asked what it was.

"I've been speaking to mum."

"Well of course you have, she's your mother you should be talking to her."

"She's getting married Dad, at the end of July. She's asked us to go out for the wedding."

"I'm not going." said David.

"Well I can't say I'm surprised, but it's not my business anymore. I didn't expect an invite but I don't want to be there and see her make a fool of herself."

"Well I've told her that I can't see why she is in such a hurry. I mean she can't be pregnant can she."

I almost sprayed my coffee over the pair of them.

"I somehow doubt it's your mother who's in a hurry."

"Well if it's her husband he'll be the first man I've ever met who's in a hurry to get married." Phoebe said.

"I guess it's Ion Damanescu that she is marrying and he'll definitely be in a hurry."

"But why Dad I don't understand."

"He's in a hurry for an entry visa. Lovely as she is, it's not your mother he wants. If they've been married for a year, he will get automatic right of entry to the UK and can apply for permanent residency. It breaks my heart to see her falling for it, we were warned often enough."

"You still love her don't you Daddy. I know she loves you. Can't you just hop on plane, go out there and bring her back?"

"How can you ask that? You were here when she sat and told a pack of lies. She tried to pretend it was all a misunderstanding and that I'd overreacted. She told me she'd kicked him out, now she's marrying him. How can you expect me to trust her again?"

"She thinks you've cast her off. After all you did divorce her. She doesn't want to be left alone that's all. I know that if she thought there was a chance she'd be back here like a shot."

"Well if she doesn't want to be alone, she's marrying the wrong bloke." I looked at David. "You're being very quiet over there, don't you have anything to say about it."

"Not really, no. If she wants to marry him then more fool her. Any man who can seduce a happily married woman has no principles. They're welcome to each other. I'm not going to be there to see it."

"She's still your mother David. I don't want to see you cutting yourself off from her."

"Well if you say she is Dad, I've got to believe it. All I can say is that she hasn't been acting like my mother this last year."

They both went out that night and left me to my own devices which meant calling Sephie. I can't say that the news about Penny didn't disappoint, but it was not my problem anymore. In mid July Phoebe set off for Bucharest. When she got back, she told me the wedding went off without a hitch, but was reluctant to say anymore. I got the impression that something had happened but she wasn't saying anything.





Driving Home for Christmas



"Why didn't we just stay together then, instead of wasting so much time?" She asked as we moved off again.

"I don't know really, I didn't really believe we could make it work. I mean you had him, and your career. You do realise that my confidence was totally destroyed. I mean my wife took up with a younger man. I felt old and useless."

"Yes, I don't think I realised how much that had affected you. Still we had good times to remember."

"They were good times weren't they?"

"Yes they were, and now we are going to have many more." She reached over and squeezed my hand.

The Ronettes were singing I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus as we turned onto the coast bound A2. I settled back in my seat remembering the last time I dressed up as Santa Claus. Nobody Kissed me. My eyes closed and my mind drifted back. 





Driving Home for Christmas



"You didn't tell her did you Dad."

"I couldn't, she's already gone. How can I beg her not to go, when she's already there?"

"Have you told her you love her?"

"No. It didn't seem right somehow. I think maybe it's too late for that sort of thing. I might have to settle for just being friends."

Some might call it a self fulfilling prophecy. I don't know. What I do know is that as the weeks went by we seemed to find less time to speak to one another. Our conversations became about what was happening in our lives, never about our feelings. Some time after Easter I could tell there something she was avoiding.

"What is it Seph? I keep thinking you are going to say something important and then you back away from it."

"Well there is something I just wasn't sure how you would take it, but we're friends right? So it shouldn't be a problem? It's something I should have told you back in Catterick. Clifford is out here, in Germany. We've been together for a few months now."

I just sat there waiting, knowing there was more to come.

"He's asked me to marry him, and ..... And I've said yes."

I sat in silence for a while trying to take it all in. What was it about me? Why could I not hold on to a woman?

"Say something Drew. You're one of my best friends, aren't you happy for me?"

"What, Oh yes, yes of course I'm happy for you (I lied). I don't know much about Clifford only what you've told me and that isn't much"

"He's a doctor. Oh he is a lovely man Drew. You'll like him." 

I had serious doubts about the last statement.

"So have you set a date yet?"

"Not yet, no, we think sometime in September. You will come won't you? I'd really like you to be there."

"I will if I can." I lied again. I knew there was no way I could stand in the congregation and watch the woman I loved, marry another man. It would have been like the Yvonne Fair song "It shoulda been me". 

This time I'd sort of seen it coming. I didn't want it to happen but now that it had I found it didn't hit me as hard as Penny's betrayal. I still felt pretty bad for a while but didn't have to depend on anyone else. I had been looking around for a chance to move. I'd been hearing rumours about problems between Penny and her new husband. I don't know if there was any connection but I had noticed her driving past the house a few times, and twice I saw her sitting in her car just looking at the house. I knew I didn't want to be around when it all fell apart so when a head of department position became vacant in Penrith, I applied. For the first time I was glad that I'd honoured my contract at the college, they gave me a glowing reference. It was only after I was offered the job that I gave any thought to what to do with my house. I'd more or less decided to rent it out when Phoebe made her announcement. It was her first day at home for the Easter break, and while we were drinking coffee after dinner she told me.

"Daddy, you know Robert and I are pretty serious don't you." 

"Yes, I sort of expected you'd get married one day." Then a bit of panic hit me. I'd heard about how divorcing parents often resulted in the children being unwilling to make a commitment. "You're not breaking up are you? You two seemed so right for each other."

"No, it's just the opposite, in fact. We want to get married. You know I love him Daddy. We don't want to wait; we know we want to spend our lives together."

I heaved a sigh of relief. "So are you asking my permission, or you asking me to pay for it?"

"Well now you mention it.....Seriously Dad I've told Robert that I don't want a big wedding were both in enough debt as it is. Robert's parents would probably pay but I really don't want that."

"No one else is paying for my daughter's wedding."

"I knew you'd say that. I've got some great ideas. It really won't be that expensive."

"Where are you going to live?"

"I don't know we'll probably rent somewhere while we save for a deposit."

"Live here. You can pay me rent."

"But we couldn't possibly afford this place."

"Oh I think you could, if you didn't have to save."

"Now you've got me confused."

"It's simple, really. You live here pay rent to my agent. I put the money into an account and in three years or so, when you want to move on, or I want to come back, I give you what is in the account as your deposit on a house."

"Oh Daddy, would you really do that for me." 

"For my only daughter of course I would."

"But why bother with the agent? We would save even more if we paid the rent direct to you."

"You miss a payment, they will chase you. I couldn't do that to my little girl."

"Do you really mean it Dad? I'd love to live here but where are you going to live?"

"I have my eye on a little cottage in Ullswater. I've got a new job in Penrith. I've been wondering what to do about this place I didn't want to sell it; you will look after the old place won't you. "

"Of course I will Dad, It's my home."

"Good. Now young lady, you have a wedding to plan, and I have to find some money." I stood up and collected the cups and walked into the kitchen.

I came back in and dropped Penny's engagement and wedding rings on the table.

"You could have these. That would save you a few bob."

"Phoebe's mouth fell open. She seemed genuinely shocked.

"Dad, those are Mum's rings. You can't expect me to wear them. If they were a family heirloom I'd understand, but mum's still alive. I can't do it Dad I won't do it."

I sat down beside her and put my arm around her.

"I'm sorry darling I'm being thoughtless aren't I. It's just that they've been sitting in that drawer since your mother and I split up. I have no idea what to do with them. Perhaps I should sell them; they'd fetch a fair amount these days."

"Just give them back to her Dad. I'm sure she'd like that, and every time you see them it's just a reminder of what happened. You should talk to mum, I'm sure she'll help with the wedding if she can. You should talk to her dad."

"I've no desire to talk to her and no need of her help."

"You'll have to talk to her at the wedding. You know I have to invite her don't you?"

"Yes, of course you do. Don't worry, I'll be nice. Just keep that little arsehole away from me."

"I'll do my best, but I do wish you'd talk to mum. I know she's very unhappy."

"Well I'm sorry about that, but it's hardly my fault. Perhaps she'll feel better after he's gone. Shouldn't be too long now, just over two years by my reckoning."

"Dad can't you cut him some slack. Is it too hard to believe that he might actually be in love with mum?"

"It's not hard to believe that any man might fall in love with your mother. She's a very attractive woman. Any man might fall in love with her just not him."

We left it at that and I trusted Phoebe to do what she said. She gave some concessions to her future mother. The service was held in our local church. She resisted fancy hotels for the reception and instead hired the college silver service restaurant. The college was originally a catering college, the starting place for many top chefs. The food was excellent and I got staff discount. The in laws were very impressed. Throughout the meal I sat at my daughter's side, while her mother was at the end of the table. Phoebe's seating plan had put the arsehole on the far side of the room. The meal went off without a hitch and my, father of the bride speech, went down well. I waited until the toasts were over and the bride and groom went out on the floor for the first dance. I noticed Penny working her way across the room towards me, and the arsehole homing in on her. I said my goodbyes, first to the in-laws and then to the bride and groom. Penny was delayed by Robert's mum and dad, Unfortunately, Damanescu had no such delay and he accosted me as I waited for the lift.

"Mr Styles." he called out."Why can we not end this? What have I ever done to you?" He had obviously drunk too much wine.

I moved towards the stairs but he blocked my way.

"Why do you do this to me? Why can you not just accept what has happened and just let us live our lives?"

"If I knew what you were talking about I might just give you an answer. As it is I don't have a clue. Now step aside and let me pass."

He didn't move. It must have been the alcohol that had given him the courage. "Oh you know. You know alright. Why did I lose my job in Romania? Why would no one else take me on? I am on a blacklist there. None of the NGOs would take me on. Now in England I get no work."

"Have you tried Tesco, I think they are hiring."

"Tesco? Tesco? I'm an interpreter not a fucking shop assistant. No I don't go to Tesco."

"Perhaps there isn't much call for a Romanian interpreter. So you'll have to continue living off your wife's earnings."

As he swung at me I heard Penny scream his name. I ducked and put my fist into his solar plexus. He folded and stumbled backwards. I heard Penny scream again and looked up to see him toppling backwards at the top of the stairs. I reached out and grabbed one of his flailing arms and pulled him back onto the landing. I let him fall to the floor. I looked down at him on his hands and knees gasping for breath.

"Now you arsehole don't go thinking I did that for you. I did it for her." I said pointing to Penny. "So that's another thing you should thank your wife for."

The lift door opened and I made a beeline for it. Penny grabbed my arm just as I got there.

"You don't have to go Drew. We'll leave. He's already had too much to drink. I'll take him home. Go back in there and dance with our daughter."

She went back to Damanescu and helped him to his feet and started to move him towards the lift. She waved at me as they moved. "Go on, get back in there, go, go."

I did as she said and was welcomed with a beaming smile from Phoebe. I stayed until the newly weds left. I got home and as I threw my keys in the draw I saw the rings there. I searched through the drawers, found a padded envelope and dropped the rings into it. I sat at my desk and scribbled a note.

These mean nothing to me now.

You might as well have them.

Drew

Yes I knew it would hurt but so what?

I wrote Penny's address on the envelope, stamped it and put it with the bills to be posted. As I climbed the stairs I felt good, at least I wouldn't be looking at them anymore.





Driving Home for Christmas



Jake nodded. "Girls don't want sex as much as guys want it; well, not the girls I know. So it makes sense for guys to get together when we feel horny. There's a lot of stuff two guys can do together in the sack... I mean, the possibilities are almost endless!"

"Are the two of you... you know... going the whole way?"

"I thought we had a no questions policy about sex," Jake said flatly.

I smiled. Pity I'd introduced that rule when the shoe had been on the other foot.

"But I don't mind telling you, yes," he added. And then, with a smirk: "Very much so, actually."

"And obviously you like it?"

He grinned. "What's there not to like?"

I pulled off the motorway and indicated to take the road towards home.

As we drove into town, I asked Jake about the other guys he hooked up with.

"In a shared flat, everyone knows everyone's business. So it's kind of common knowledge – without anyone actually saying so – that Marcus and I are... well... a bit more than mates. The guys know we're both seeing girls but they know what goes on between us when he stays over. I mean, the walls are pretty thin and my bedframe creaks like you wouldn't believe..."

I smiled.

"Some of the guys are curious themselves, or have mates who are too horny for their girlfriends, so word gets around and... well... just like happens with you, sometimes other opportunities arise."

"I hope you're being careful, Jake," I cautioned.

"Of course," he smiled. "I've always got a few boxes of size U in the drawer."

I smiled back, wondering if that meant that, like Guy, he was only prepared to use the backsides of such young men and didn't offer to bend over in return.

"I don't know about you, though," he added, as if reading my thoughts, "it's best to have a few other sizes stashed away too, for when... you know... things get really interesting!"

He chuckled and I laughed with him. So he did like it both ways.

I wondered which way around he preferred it; I myself had yet to reach a conclusion. With some guys I seemed to strongly like it one way; with others, I would enjoy it only if the tables were turned.

"But, like I said," he went on, "Marcus and I like the same stuff and it works for us. Other guys can be too demanding, or too crude or just plain disgusting. I don't know about you, but there has to be a certain level of cleanliness for me to able to... you know..."

I nodded. "Absolutely."

"And some guys," he went on, as if wanting to unburden his observations onto someone who would be able to relate to them, "are just so annoyingly quick!"

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you find that with some guys, the two of you have hardly shown him your butt when he's... well... squirting all over it and apologising."

I smiled. "I think that's probably more of a problem at your age than mine."

He nodded. "Well, it's really irritating. It's like they've been wondering about what it might be like to get together with another guy for so long that they're just totally blown away when they actually get to do it, and the bloody thing goes off in their own hand!"

I chuckled, wondering if that might have happened to Jake on his first time with Marcus; he had, after all, clearly been in a state of some anticipation himself after loitering outside my bedroom door for a good six months.

"It must be quite frustrating," I commented.

"If it's a guy who you've been looking forward to... you know... hooking up with for a while... yeah... it kind of is."

"Have you ever had two guys at the same time?" I asked him, wondering if this might be a question too far.

But Jake just smirked. "It kind of broadens the possibilities doesn't it?"

I smiled back. I was developing quite a knack for being the middle guy in what someone had rather eloquently termed a 'train'. The position had, when we'd correctly aligned ourselves, offered the most satisfying sex I'd ever had.

"Have you ever had a foursome?" Jake asked with his smile broadening into a mischievous grin. "All guys."

"Not yet," I admitted with a chuckle. "But I wouldn't say no. What about you?"

"Same answer," he replied, still grinning.

I drove onto our estate, feeling pleased that we were able to speak so frankly with one another. We both had women in our lives but we both enjoyed our men too. Like father, like son, I thought.

"I wish more men were as liberated as we are," I told him. "I think the world would be a more harmonious place."

"Have you thought about setting up a blog about your experiences?" he asked. "To encourage other guys to be more... you know... experimental..."

"Not really," I replied. "There are quite a few of them online already. They can come across as a bit preachy."

"Well, maybe write a story, then," he suggested. "Yeah, it would make a pretty good read."

"After everything I've been through, it'd probably be longer than 'Lord of the Rings'."

He grinned over at me. "That would make a pretty good title! You should definitely write it."

I smiled. "Don't you think there'd be too many holes in the plot?"

He chuckled and took up the bait. "I'm sure there's a big opening in the market, though."

"It'd be easy to get started, but I don't think I could face a sloppy ending."

He groaned and then laughed as I pulled into our drive. The cat was waiting for us, meowing at the front door.

We turned to each other and smiled.

We were home.

===