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Dancing Ch. 01

By: ingarlm



Note: This is a love story with plot and no instant sex. This is the first of four chapters and they should be going up daily. If there is any resemblance to real people or actual events it's definitely unintentional! 

* * * * * * 

The hardest thing about being an actor is getting a break. Sometimes it's a lot more about luck than your ability and there are plenty of good people who don't get their chance to show their talent at the right time and in the right place. If you get that far, it may never come to much either. I knew the hard slog I had to get where I was, and that was a long way away from being a household name. However, I loved what I did and it didn't matter if I was never famous. It wasn't about fame or money for me.

Sometimes I wondered how much of the fame some gained was about their looks rather than their talent. Not that I was bitter about it, but I thought if maybe I was some willowy guy with a pretty face I'd be discovered. Not that I was ugly, but I wasn't so striking that my face wouldn't fade from the mind. I liked my dark brown eyes, and my body although it wasn't either slim or extremely built. I might have been able to show off the muscles I did have a little if I wasn't covered in hair. 

I was 26 now, I'd had a few bit-parts on TV followed by a bit of stage work, and I was beginning to get a good reputation. My agent thought there were great things in my future, or at least great commission in his, which were the same thing really. He wasn't overly impressed at my latest choice of project though. He wanted the TV work because pay was better and it got me exposure that was effectively free publicity, but then it wasn't what I wanted. Sure I could have done several of the things he had found for me, but there was no challenge, no particular talent needed, and no credibility.

So I took a stage job, working on a new play by a well-known if slightly off the wall playwright. Done well, this play should be the one that put him firmly on the map. From my point of view, it was a good and fun mix of comedy and straight acting, demanding a lot from me and showing my acting skills to the public. It was bound to get good box office, if not the long sell-out runs that the West End enjoyed. If it went well we'd get an extended run somewhere a lot bigger. I learned my lines and the first few days of rehearsals were going well, and then I got told about the re-write...

* * * * * *

I stared at the director in disbelief.

"You have to be kidding me. I can't dance."

"The writer thinks the dream sequence is lacking something. The others dance, and it will work better if you do as well. It's supposed to be a weird dream, explaining what your character wants."

"He doesn't want to break something when he gets his legs tangled and falls over," I pleaded.

This was pretty much my worst nightmare, not a fantastic dream sequence. I wasn't graceful or delicate, and I had no rhythm at all. I acted, I sang, I wrote even, there was pretty much nothing in the theatre I couldn't do. If they put me in the lighting box I'd do a pretty good job of that, but there was no fucking way I could dance. I heard a couple of sniggers behind me, and it wasn't hard to believe that someone would be laughing at me.

"It will be fine. We'll get you some extra tuition. You've seen the routine, it isn't difficult."

I shut up then, not wanting to come across like some petulant child. I didn't have the power in the industry to say I wasn't going to do something and get it changed back. I was just going to have to do my best and hope that an uncoordinated lead actor was somehow going to work. I had seen the routine. It wasn't difficult for anyone else, those with dance training as well as acting, and the guys who were already doing it made it look really easy. Every one of them had been dancing since they were children. 

So there I was, the next day, sat in an empty rehearsal room hideously early, wondering how the hell I was going to pull this off, and wishing that I had listened to my agent when he offered me the pointless character in a rubbish sitcom. At least I would have been paid by now, and I wouldn't have had to dance.

I was also wondering who had been lumbered with teaching me. I almost felt sorry for them, it was going to be one hell of a challenge. But last night, when I'd thought about it, I realised they didn't have a choreographer, it had all been done by one of the actors who was also a talented dancer. And then I had prayed that it would not be him...

God hadn't been listening. Matt walked through the door and I was sure my face fell even more than it was already at the thought of dancing. He didn't even look at me as he came in and set up a cd player. I looked at his back and willed him to disappear, or them to cancel the dance at the last minute, anything but having to spend time with a man who sat apart from all of us every moment he could and seemed to treat the rest of the world as though it wasn't worth his time.

When I had walked into our first rehearsal everyone had been friendly, but for one. He gave me a look up and down and his expression showed disdain. I didn't know then that he had wanted the lead, but it wasn't long before I learned that fact. However, it wasn't just me he didn't like, he seemed to have no time for anyone. Casual conversations never included him, he didn't deem us worthy it appeared. He sat alone and only interacted when he was actually working. 

Whispers behind his back were that he hated me, hated all of us because he felt himself far superior, thought this whole thing was a waste of his time and talent. He always seemed aloof and that the only thing that mattered was himself. They said that he used to be a lot more friendly when he was totally unknown, but that his idea of friendly had been fucking most of his colleagues, male and female. How and when he had changed no-one seemed quite sure. 

The thing was though, that despite his attitude people still swarmed round him, still tried to include him, and definitely still flirted with him. All that was because he was just beautiful. His eyes were bright blue, framed by long lashes and seemed to take in everything in just a glance, but they rarely looked up except when he was acting. His face was perfect, features balanced and slightly feminine but still strong and clearly all man, and gorgeous pink bowed lips that just begged to be kissed. His shoulder length blond hair kept falling into his face and he was always pushing or blowing it back so it was permanently slightly tousled as though he'd just got out of bed.

And everyone wanted to get him into one. The rumour that he bedded both men and women given half a chance meant that almost everyone tried, but all he did was dismiss them or ignore them. He never smiled, or kindly put them off, but still they tried. The worst part of it was that as much as he obviously hated me, I still thought about trying. It was only my self-respect and my low self-esteem when it came to relationships that stopped me.

Now I was trying hard not to look at his ass as he bent over to put the music on. He was fit and toned like a dancer should be, muscled in all the right places but nowhere was it too much. In short, he was perfection just so long as you didn't see his expression or hear him open his mouth. If they hadn't spoiled the picture I'd probably not have been able to control my urges.

He finally turned and I had a moment to look at the way his vest top hugged his six pack before he sat down, and then he spoke.

"Dance," he ordered. It didn't sound like a request, certainly.

"What?" I stupidly asked, just as the music started. He stopped it with the remote, and repeated his order, not even bothering to look at me.

"Dance."

"I can't."

Dumb thing to say, and it caused him to give me a look that showed nothing short of contempt.

"I know that. I need to see how bad you are so I can try and help."

He sounded pissed off, and his attitude annoyed me.

"You don't seem like the type who would want to help."

"They're paying me extra."

He completely dismissed me with that comment. He was in it for the money, which was no great surprise to me because he certainly wouldn't have been doing this out the goodness of his heart, if he even had one. The music came back on, and this time I didn't even wait for his order. I stumbled through the routine, losing my way several times, out of time with the music, and missing out anything that was remotely complicated. I ground to a halt as it finally ended, nearly losing my balance as a perfect finale.

I knew he'd been watching and that had made me even more nervous. He sat through the whole thing, so far as I could see, with those gorgeous lips in a tight line. As I tried to get my breath back I still heard his muttered comment of 'Jesus'. I took it that he was not impressed. I stayed standing to wait for my review, the silence seeming almost deafening.

"Can you even hear the music?" he eventually asked, with more than a hint of sarcasm in his voice. I know I glared at him in response, but he didn't even seem to notice. "You're not even in time, before we get into the fact you can't do half the moves." 

"I said I couldn't dance," I replied defensively.

"I hoped you were joking. Apparently not. Now watch."

He stood and moved towards me, and despite myself and how much his attitude pissed me off, I still watched every move and my breath caught at the beauty of him just walking. Even that was done with a grace and style that I would never be able to muster. Then the music started up again and I stood watching in awe as he moved. His body turned and twisted, bent double at one point, moving perfectly to the beat and not missing a single step. He flowed through the movements, each arm and leg placed just right to make a balletic line.

I tried, I really did, but the sight of him doing those moves was as good as a private lapdance as far as my body was concerned. When he bent over in front of me, his ass pressing tight into his trousers, I nearly let out a moan. It had been far too long for me and he shouldn't be having this effect, but when he wasn't speaking and you could just appreciate the beauty, it was more than enough to have my cock twitching and starting to fill. I was relieved when the music ended and he stopped writhing. Thank god I really was a good actor, because when he turned to face me afterwards even the sight of his chest slightly heaving as he got his breath back didn't make me react visibly.

"That's what you need to do. Or as close as we can get in four weeks. Let's start at the beginning."

Two hours later I was mentally and physically exhausted. I couldn't even take any pleasure in his body moving any more, mine was in too much pain from the unexpected use of muscles I didn't know I had. I jogged and did weights to keep myself in shape, and it worked, but I wasn't used to this type of workout. He constantly got at me throughout, every mistake corrected and every move repeated so many times I couldn't count. And even at the end of it I wasn't hugely improved. I could stay standing, and I could attempt most of the moves. The key word was attempt.

* * * * * *

Four days later things were still only marginally better. I dreaded these lessons, him barking at me, rolling his eyes each time I fucked up, and at the end of every one just walking out without so much as a backward glance, muttering to himself in despair. He didn't speak to me except to tell me yet again to raise my arm, move in time, or relax. How the hell I was supposed to relax with him practically shouting at me I had no idea. 

And if my dancing was only slightly better, other things were definitely worse. No matter how much I wanted to thump him during those sessions, I wanted to kiss him more. I fantasised about shutting him up, pressing my lips to his and making sure my tongue was so tangled with his he didn't have a choice. Even physically exhausted as I was at the end of each day, my thoughts as I lay in bed by myself drifted to visions of him dancing, losing clothes as he went so I could watch every movement as his skin glistened with sweat and he bent and twirled showing me his gorgeous body.

On Saturday we didn't have normal rehearsal, but he insisted I still get into work for a dance lesson. Yet again he watched me lumber through the routine, still not showing any grace or timing, and once again he corrected me with less and less patience, never looking at my face but noticing every mistake in footwork or where or how my hands were placed, every minute detail scrutinised and criticised. And I still hated him so much I wanted to fuck him and make him moan.

When my two hours of torture were over I breathed a sigh of relief. No more work today, I could just curl up and die somewhere and try not to think about him. Well that was my plan. For the first time, he actually spoke to me before leaving.

"You're coming out with me tonight."

Not a request, an order. I managed to gather enough energy to raise an eyebrow in surprise.

"Why? Where?"

"Trying a new tack. We're going clubbing so I can see how you dance with a few drinks in you. Perhaps that might relax you a little."

"I don't dance. Not even when I'm drunk."

"You will tonight. I'll pick you up at 8."

"As if this time with you wasn't bad enough, you want us to socialise?" I said, pretty much despairing at that point. I didn't want to go anywhere with him, although I wasn't quite sure whether that was because I hated him, or I was afraid that the other thoughts I had about him might come to the fore, particularly after a few drinks.

"It's not socialising. It's work," he replied, heading out the door. "Door policy is no jeans or trainers so dress up a bit."

"Bastard," I muttered under my breath as the door swung shut behind him. I looked down at my battered trainers and jeans with ripped holes in the knees and wished him some bodily harm. My brain supplied the idea of taking him hard without lube, and I groaned aloud a mix of despair and pleasure at the thought.

* * * * * * 

I had never taken so long to get ready. How did you dress to go dancing with a man you hated and desired in almost equal measures? Not too slutty, it might look like I was after him even if I didn't say so. Fairly smart because he had insisted and I was bound to get into trouble if I didn't wear suitable clothes. I could almost picture the look of disgust before he came in and tore through my wardrobe to find something he would be prepared to be seen out with me wearing. I eventually found some trousers that were tight but not too much, and a nice v-neck top that was soft against my skin and again hugged but didn't look like I had painted it on. It showed a hint of my dark chest hair and my toned pecs, but wasn't too dressy. I even managed to find a pair of shoes.

When I opened the door to him he looked me up and down just like he had done the first time we met. His look was slightly less dismissive, I thought, up until he spoke. Funny how in my fantasies he never said a word. Moaned and cried, yes, but he never got to speak.

"You'll do."

I called him all kinds of names in my head, but had more sense than to bite back. I wasn't going to let him have the upper hand, and I would save any smart comments for when it would count. I was also busy, as he turned his back to me, noting how his clothes fitted him extremely well, highlighting all his best features. I'd love to bury my face and then my cock in between those tight buttocks.

He'd ordered a taxi, and I followed him into it silently. He'd set the tone of no smalltalk, so I wasn't that worried about talking to him if I didn't need to. I still didn't want to be here, and he knew it, so there was little point making polite conversation. He actually, for him, seemed quite happy though. Maybe going clubbing was something the man actually enjoyed. There was precious little that seemed to interest him other than getting onto the stage, but perhaps I was going to see him let loose a little. The thought intrigued me. Would he actually be friendly when drunk, or would it just be the same man only less steady on his feet? I couldn't picture him losing control. Well, I could, but those were just my sexual fantasies, and I didn't think in the real world he'd do anything out of the ordinary.

When the cab pulled up I saw the club and smiled inside. I bet he thought he could freak me out with this. Three rainbow flags flying, plus a couple of neon signs showing stylised male bodies intertwined. When I looked over at him he was wearing a smug grin. I didn't give him the satisfaction of a response. Clearly he had no idea I was gay and hoped I would react. All I was thinking was that if I had known I'd have dressed for pulling. I thought I saw a flicker of disappointment on his face when I got out the cab without a word or so much as flinching. 

We got straight in, there was no queue at this time, although there were still plenty of guys inside, plus a few women, and the music was already thumping. I followed him to the bar, noting how even in this environment he maintained his detached demeanour. I guessed he was focussed on where he was going and not on anyone around him, so it was probably only me that saw the admiring glances sent his way. I wondered how he had ever bedded anyone if he ignored everyone around him, even me although we were there together.

He only spoke to me when we got to the bar so he could order me a drink. I noticed that he got me a double and himself only a single. He wanted to get me drunk, but not for anything good. If he seriously thought I would be any better of a dancer with a load of drink inside me he was in for an unpleasant surprise. If I couldn't co-ordinate sober, alcohol was not going to help. And relaxing around him was not something I wanted to do, even if it was possible. He had me on the edge of my nerves all the time, either in good ways or bad. Fuck it, I thought, and downed the drink, not caring that it was strong enough to burn my throat a little even with the mixer. Getting drunk might help me get through this.

He didn't even blink at the speed my drink disappeared, he just leaned over to the barman and ordered more, plus shots. I tipped my head back and let it slip down my throat, wishing the sweet schnapps he'd chosen was something entirely different pumping out of a hard cock. Perhaps I needed to get laid. He led me over to a table with a good view of the dancefloor and for the first time took in his surroundings, looking over the place but not intent on any one thing, certainly not one person. He didn't speak, just glanced at me when my drink started to get low even though I was taking this one slower, and slid out of his chair back to the bar before I could even suggest another round.

He came back with another drink for me plus another shot. I really didn't care now. He could deal with me being unable to walk and puking on him later. It would be only fair for all the shit he had put me through. I was going to do my very best to make his life a misery like he had been doing to me. I barely acknowledged him as he set the drinks down, but he broke his own silence.

"I'm going to dance. Stay here and I'll be back for you in a bit. You might want to start sipping those."

Fuck you, I thought, and took a gulp from the first glass. If I'd wanted to piss him off I should have done it sooner, because he had already turned his back on me and was off onto the floor. 

I forgot to drink then, I just sat mesmerised as he moved, and I was far from the only one. He was under a spotlight, probably intentionally, but it highlighted his blond hair as it moved with his body. Unlike at work, his movement was less structured with fewer fancy tricks, but it was way more impressive despite that. He seemed to be completely one with the music, his graceful moves fitting the beat and the theme perfectly. And the theme of the songs was pure sex. He was like some kind of horny angel, his increasingly sexual movements seeming to work somehow with his innocent beauty. That wasn't quite right, with those clothes and those moves he couldn't be innocent, but the blonde hair and blue eyes with his slight femininity gave that impression anyway. 


Dancing Ch. 01



For once, his expression wasn't hard and aloof, he was just lost in the music. He still seemed unaware of everything around him, but it wasn't as though he was deliberately ignoring it for once, he was just in his own world, and from the reactions I could see, there were a hell of a lot of men there who wanted to be there with him. Men danced towards him, but he didn't interact, he just smoothly kept moving, turning to cut them out without making it seem like too much of a slight. When one dared to touch him though, his eyes bored into them. He didn't miss a beat, but the guy backed off fast, and that seemed to deter anyone else from trying.

I was having glorious fantasies now, ones where he danced me a striptease like that, and I was hard. If I got any harder the table might start lifting up and making it obvious. But I doubted I was the only one in that condition just from watching him, and I hated it. I felt jealousy curling in my stomach, and yet he wasn't mine in any way. He had barely spoken to me all night, but he was still there with me, and they couldn't have him. Every pair of eyes on him made me more irritated. They had no right to look at him with lust when I had seen him first. 

I sipped at my drink now, trying to distract myself from thoughts of dragging him out of there and up the nearest alley so I could satisfy my own desires. Song after song came on and he didn't stop, his body seeming to have a mind of it's own and changing it's movement to suit each new beat. Other men danced, some very well, but no-one else did it like he did. I wanted him, I needed him, and yet I still hated him for everything he had done and the fact that despite all of that I couldn't take my eyes off him or calm my raging erection. 

Eventually, he stopped. His face showed a moment of distaste, so I guessed he didn't like the track that had come on. A couple of guys dared to speak to him as he started to move off the floor, but he just brushed them off with the barest of waves of his hand. He was back to his usual self and it was enough that I was able to remind myself of his abrasive personality and dim my lust. Guys were still watching him, and I tried hard not to look smug that he was walking my way. 

He didn't speak, and I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to compliment his dancing, he was enough of a dickhead already without his ego swelling further. I just went back to my drink and avoided looking at him as he started sipping his, but I was still watching out of the corner of my eye. He checked the empty glasses on the table, and seemed satisfied. I had a horrible feeling I knew what was coming next, but the rest of that song passed without comment.

As soon as the next track came on he stood again, and my heart started pounding. I didn't want to go out there, especially not with that to compete with. I was going to look like a complete idiot. I didn't have a choice, of course, he just grabbed my hand and dragged me after him. I was on the dancefloor, legs shaking, a moment later. He'd opted not to go under the spotlight this time and I was glad of that one small mercy. I didn't need my dreadful dancing highlighted to the entire club.

Somehow, I started to move when he did. He didn't dance with me to start with, and he was obviously seeing how I was doing. Remarkably not as badly as I usually did, or at least I was drunk enough not to notice or care. His closeness, although he wasn't touching me at all, had some strange effect on me and I tried to move as he did, even closing my eyes so I could feel the music, although it helped not looking at him either, dancing with a hardon was not that easy. I managed to lose myself so much that when he moved closer and spoke to me I jumped. Not only was I not expecting him to be there, I was really not prepared for what he said.

"You're doing really well."

I know my mouth fell open in shock. He complimented me? Was I drunker than I thought and hallucinating? I must have been, because when I looked at him, my mouth still hanging open, he was actually smiling. I didn't even know he could. Then he was no longer dancing near me, he was dancing with me. Not the same as he did on his own, totally in his own world, but almost as sexily, moving towards and around me although we never quite touched. I had died and gone to heaven with my very own horny angel and I couldn't stop smiling.

I must have made it through a further two tracks before I turned around, wanting to follow his movements as he went behind me again. I'd had my back to most of the room, but now I could see people, and they were looking at me. My doubt in my dancing ability raised its ugly head for a moment, but then I saw how they were looking at me. No-one was laughing, they were jealous. I was dancing with the sexy guy they had all had their eyes on, and now they were looking at me because they wanted to be me. I almost started laughing.

It was as though having an audience flipped some sort of switch inside me and I was determined to give them a performance. I grabbed his hand, and although he looked surprised for a moment he quickly moved with me, letting me twirl him around. I was soon bumping and grinding to the track and he joined in, rubbing his body against mine lightly, but enough to turn me on so I cared even less what anyone else thought of my dancing. I took the opportunity to have my hands on him, nowhere intimate, but I stroked where I could, using the performance to feel some of those muscles, grabbing him to bring him closer when the song seemed to demand it, or perhaps when my subconscious did.

He didn't resist anything I did, and before long his hands were on me too, little bolts of electricity going through me with every touch. I kept his body away from my crotch, knowing full well what he would find there and not wanting to ruin this moment. He didn't like me, but for this moment he was prepared to play pretend and I wasn't going to do anything that might stop him when I was loving it so much.

All too soon, it was over. The music changed again to something he didn't like and he turned and walked away, back to the table we had been sitting at. It took me a moment to follow him, feeling utterly bereft at my hands being empty when for nearly an hour they had been able to explore his body. When I joined him his expression was closed again, and I knew that was it. I was already beginning to wonder whether I had dreamed the whole thing and he hadn't smiled or touched me, but my dick was still hard enough that I was fairly sure it had really happened.

He decided that was it for the night, and again I found myself following him with barely a word being said between us. I noticed the men around were still looking at him with lust and me with envy, little did they know I was going home alone. At least I had a very pleasant memory to work with now, even if he never spoke to me kindly again. I seriously needed to leave this one alone, but there was something about him that had me in a spell. One thing I was absolutely certain about was I was not going to be one of the people swallowing all their pride and offering themselves to him for whatever he wanted. There was no way I would stoop that low.

As expected, I ended up in my bed alone, marvelling at the fact he had bothered to say goodbye when I got out the cab. For him that was pretty good conversation. Frustrated, I grabbed my cock and started jerking. It had been up and down all night, mostly up, and was more than ready for me to give it some action. I replayed in my mind the scene of us dancing, the feel of his hands on me and my hands on him, and I shot so much cum I didn't know where it had come from. A night of dancing with a man who had barely spoken to me, and I was still full of desire for him. 

* * * * * *

The next day I had to myself, and I must have masturbated at least five times recalling the night before. He'd looked like some sort of angel, and then shown his humanity, and all of that just made me want him more. I knew I would have to concentrate the next day on remembering how much I disliked the way he treated me and spoke to me.

It didn't prove that difficult after all. He was possibly more of a dick at our first dance session of the week than he had been the week before. He almost seemed more despairing of me getting things wrong now, because even though I was a hell of a lot better, he'd seen me actually dancing and he reminded me that I could do it, but clearly only if they got me pissed before every show. I know I glared and growled at him in response, but nothing seemed to faze him, he barely even noticed me again. I remembered what his eyes looked like when he was smiling at me and wondered if I would ever see that sight again.

We'd agreed with the director that I would join in the full rehearsal the following week and do all the dancing, so I had another full week of this torture to come. I tried to persuade myself that the end was in sight, but I had the horrible feeling the director would feel I needed more time on this. Hopefully me doing vaguely the same moves as the others would be good enough because that might be all I could manage. It was meant to be a slightly comedic scene anyway, so no-one should really expect me to be able to do this.

On Wednesday we had another surprise when the director walked in to our session. I didn't notice him at first as I was busy doing the routine for the millionth time so that my dear tutor could criticise me afterwards. When I did look up, Matt was looking at script pages, his face expressionless as usual. The director, Chris, motioned me over.

"More changes from the writer. Nothing major though."

"Please tell me the dancing has been dropped!"

"No. But it has a happy ending!" he said, grinning.

Matt was still staring at the page in front of him, so I couldn't see what it said. His comment didn't bode well.

"Let's hope he's better at that than dancing, because I am not practising for hours unless I get a hell of a lot more money."

I managed to get the pages out of his hands then, and I just stared too. One word jumped off the page. KISS. Shit, the bloody writer had decided the dance routine from hell should end with my character snogging Matt's. It made sense, my character was supposed to be secretly in love with his, and in the dream sequence if not in real life anything could happen. Ironically, not that much different to what I was doing in my own life, pretending Matt was different, naked, and mine. I couldn't look at him. It was clear he didn't want to do it, and I didn't want to either but for completely different reasons. How could I get a taste of him every night and keep myself under control?

After that I think both of us were in even worse moods, if such a thing was possible. My mind was racing with ideas of breaking something so I could get out of the whole thing. I should have been happy, I mean how many people would get the chance to kiss the man they wanted badly? But how many of them would willingly do it in front of a theatre full of people praying desperately they didn't get an obvious reaction? 

I was going to have to tie myself down somehow, that was the only way forward, and hope that I didn't go with any fantasies of jumping him. The nerves about this new torment made me lose my balance and fall over, fully expecting him to bite my head off for it. He just turned and walked out the room. Lesson over, I guessed.

* * * * * *

Next day I was doubly dreading the dance session, and to no great surprise on my part, Matt was again pissed with me for every little thing I did wrong. I actually thanked whatever higher power made my phone ring right then, and took delight in taking the call despite the dirty looks I was getting. Of course, that power just wanted to screw with my life even more. At the end of the line was probably the only person in the world I wanted to talk to even less than Matt. My ex.

"Hi. I was wondering if we could talk. I want to apologise."

"You're about two years too late," I growled.

He actually did sound contrite, and I felt a little piece of me wanting to talk too. There were things I wanted to understand. There was no way I was ever going back to him, but closure seemed like a very good idea. Maybe with that out of the way I could focus on men who were not complete shits who happened to be very good looking, and find someone with a personality who actually cared for me.

"I know. I've been working things through, getting some therapy, and I need to say sorry to you properly for treating you the way I did. I was hoping you would join me for dinner. Please say yes."

I left a good pause, not wanting to seem too keen. "Okay. When, and where?"

"Tonight, at my place. I've ordered catering, so don't panic that I'm going to try and feed you my cooking."

I actually grinned. He'd burned everything the twice he had tried to cook, and we'd given up on that idea. 

"Fine. I'll see you about 7."

"Sure. Thank you so much."

I hung up and stared at the phone for a moment, hoping I had not just made the biggest mistake of my life. When I turned around I decided the biggest mistake was probably still going to be agreeing to do this damn play. Matt looked even more sour faced than normal.

"Hot date?" he practically sneered.

"None of your business."

The man who didn't speak to me had no right to know anything about my life, and I was pleased that he had seemed to want to know - despite the tone of his voice there was some other interest there. Tough, let him see what it was like to spend hours with someone who didn't communicate. He made me suffer for it though, stopping the cd again and again to go over minor tiny points with my dancing until he was satisfied that it was as good as I could do, which he made clear was still not all that good.

It was only later, once I had finished work and gone home to get ready that I realised how stupid I had been agreeing to this. Being pissed off with Matt was by no means a good reason for going to see the man who had made me live nearly two years of my life in the shadows. He loved me, he said, but he was too concerned about his reputation as he built a career to come out and admit his sexuality. I lived back in the closet, never going out with him in public so he wouldn't be seen with a gay man, watching him attend premiers and awards shows with another pretty woman on his arm as he lied to the world and treated me like crap.

Now, he had the fame he'd always wanted. He was in the gossip mags, on the TV regularly, happy with fame and fortune, but still hiding himself. It had taken a lot for me to leave him, despite all that, and there was no way I should put myself back in a situation where he had any control. Still, at least now I had enough self-respect not to let him suck me back in. It had been almost impossible to walk away from him and now I felt like I was wandering back into the spiders web. Let's just hope I had enough sense to deal with this and not get caught.

I was almost shaking as I got to his house, still wondering why the hell I had agreed to any of this. And it annoyed me more that I knew the answer was because of Matt. He affected me in far too many ways, good and bad. When I rang the bell, Ben was there immediately and pleased to see me. It made me even more nervous than I had been already, not knowing what this was all about but sure it would be bad.

I was a bundle of nerves by the time he'd finished serving us dinner and we had eaten. He'd been friendly, kind, explained all about what changes he had made in his life and how awful he felt about what he had done, and I did start to believe all of that. It was just that I sensed he was building up for more and I kept waiting for the bomb to drop. It came after dinner, as we settled down on his sofa with some drinks, me making sure I left enough room that he couldn't lean over and try and kiss me, because that was one of the options I had in my head for how he was going to ruin my evening.

"So, I wanted to ask you something," he started to say. I know I tensed immediately. "It's good news, honestly. I'm going to tell everyone that I'm gay. I've got a newspaper lined up for the exclusive. I'm finally facing up to who I am."

"That's good news, but I don't see what I have to do with this."

He looked kind of awkward. "I know what I put you through and I regret all of it now I can see clearly. I was talking to our agent and he thought that if we did this together it would be good for both of us."

"What?!" I reacted, totally shocked. "You want to do this, it's your call, but leave me out of it. You managed to leave me out of nearly two years of your life outside this house, you owe me that now."

"It's not like that. I was hoping we could try again. I still love you, and I would like you to be at my side through this."

I leapt off the sofa away from him. "You have to be fucking kidding. We didn't break up because of all the sneaking around I had to do, remember? How can you possibly think I would want to get back with you after what you did?"

"I told you I was sorry. I was insecure and I hated myself at the time, and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have, and I regret it every day."

"Good. Being sorry now means fuck all to me. I don't want to be by your side for anything. You ruined what we had, and you ruined me. It's far too late for you to put that back together with your apologies. You just want to be able to play happy families for the interviewer. Pay someone to do it, who'll be prepared to play pretend. I'm out of here."

I ran for the door, needing to get out of this situation before it got even more surreal than the man who had beaten me asking that we get back together. I was at the top of the steps when he called me back.

"Aaron."

I turned, not even part way, and he grabbed my arm and span me back into his body. I had just enough of a moment to realise he was holding me tight in his arms, panic rising in me, before he kissed me. It was rough and demanding but I didn't respond, just trying as hard as I could to get away. A flash distracted him long enough for me to break out of his embrace, running past the photographer who had conveniently appeared out of nowhere, and letting one erect finger do my talking as I got away as fast as I could.

I didn't relax until I got back home. My mind was racing with all the unexpected developments of this evening. I had the horrible feeling that I was going to find our 'clinch', despite it being totally one-sided, in the papers before too long. It would probably prove a nice accompaniment to his exclusive. It was sod's law that for the time we had been together I would have loved us to be seen out together, but now that we were over and he had destroyed any of the love I had once had for him, it would finally happen. He'd set me up and I was angry about it, but there was little I could do. I just hoped that not agreeing to his scheme would at least mean he showed me enough respect to keep me out of it.

* * * * * *

Next morning I carefully checked the news stands as I went to work, and breathed a sigh of relief. There was no picture, and no story about him. Perhaps having to do it alone was too hard and he had changed his mind. I didn't care, just so long as I wasn't involved. I would definitely not be so stupid as to speak to him again, and I kind of hoped that my responses had hurt him even a little like he had hurt me. I'd have had to go a long way to do anything that bad, but he deserved what I could give.  

Somehow I managed to keep my mind off all of this throughout the day, and not only the rehearsal but even my dance lesson went pretty well. It could have been my imagination but I got the impression that Matt wanted to ask me about my date. Check that, it must have been my imagination, because he didn't speak beyond the absolute essentials, and I doubted we would ever have a conversation.




Dancing Ch. 01



On the Saturday I just had dance practice, and since work was practically empty it was worth me taking my car. As a result I didn't see any of the newspapers on my way to the bus stop, and the first I knew of their contents was when I walked into the rehearsal studio. Matt was already there, sat on a seat at the side of the room, one of the sleazier tabloids spread out in his arms, and my ex staring out from the front cover under some stupid headline. I hoped, I prayed, there was no mention of me in there, and then he dashed my hopes.

"Seems you do kiss better than you dance."

Fuck. I grabbed the paper out of his hands, taking a deep breath and steeling myself. There were two pictures of me on the inner pages, alongside the continuation of his confession. The first was of the kiss, the second of me giving him the finger as I walked away. They'd even blurred it out, although it was obvious from my expression I was not happy. It was even subtitled with some stupid comment about a lovers tiff. I skimmed through the article, and it was all about how difficult this had been for him, and how long he had been hiding it all from the world, and how therapy had helped him deal with his problems instead of the heavy drinking he had done before. Plus, as an added bonus, how that drinking had driven me away. The bastards had even mentioned my new play. I smelt a rat, in the form of our agent. Must have loved the idea of getting us both free publicity out of this.

Matt stayed silent, as per usual, as I read through all the shit for a second time. Strange how he'd not fully explained how his drinking had affected our relationship, or how any of the sneaking about had hurt me. It was all about him, no different to how I remembered things. I was angry, but I couldn't see much point in doing anything about it. This could be where I sold my side of the story, but I had no intention of doing that. He might not respect my privacy, but I wasn't going to destroy it myself. I tried to calm myself, but ended up throwing the paper across the room, not getting any satisfaction from it, but at least getting the smug grin on his face out of my line of sight. 

I closed my eyes took a few deep breaths to try and relax a little. It was done now and all over the papers, so there was nothing I could do. Hopefully my part in all this would blow over and I could stay off the radar like I wanted. When I opened my eyes again Matt was actually looking at me for once, and I could see the questions whirling round his mind. He knew nothing about me, but it seemed that now he wanted to. That was my first realisation of how this was going to affect me. Not only would strangers see that article but everyone who knew me, and I'd be kidding myself if I thought no-one was going to ask about it. Ben was a star, and lots of people fancied him. And unlike in the club dancing with Matt, this time I didn't want anyone to be jealous.

Anything he might have asked was interrupted by my phone ringing. I felt myself tense again, and I'm sure my face darkened before I answered it. I felt the need to give him an earful, and his pleasant tone when he spoke just increased my anger.

"So, have you seen the papers? I did it."

"I told you to keep me out of it you fuck. What part of that did you not understand? Then you force yourself on me and make sure there's a photographer there to capture the moment. You are sicker than I thought, despite all that therapy you reckon has turned you around."

He seemed surprised that I was upset. I wondered what planet he had been on when we had spoken that night, because I thought I had made myself quite clear.

"I'm sorry, I thought you'd be okay. And the photo, that was Tim's idea, he thought it would promote the pair of us. I didn't know the guy was there when we kissed."

"You attacked me, we did not kiss. There have to be two people involved for that, and you're lucky I didn't knee you in the balls for touching me. Do that again, or contact me in any way, and you will be hearing from my lawyer. Lose this number."

He started to say something else, but I hung up. I was shaking by now, feeling as though my life was falling apart around me. I believed what I told him last night, he really had ruined me. It had only been in the last few months that I started to feel anything real, and certainly when it came to men or relationships I wasn't convinced I was ready. I might dream of Matt but there was no way I was going there, although it was the first time in a long while I had even thought about someone real in that way. I ignored his presence for the moment, too wrapped up in what I was going to do.

One thing stood out above all others. I'd sorted out the one problem in my life, I hoped. The other was about to feel my wrath. I found the number in my phonebook and dialled Tim, the agent I shared with my ex. The idiot sounded pleased to hear from me.

"Aaron, I was wondering when you would call. We've got some fantastic coverage for you and your play today. I was thinking we could follow that up in the week. It's going pretty well for Ben so I thought you should capitalise on things."

I acted as though I might care. I wanted to know what he was thinking, not that I was going to go along with it.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Good, I knew you'd be interested. We can get a lot of money for your side of the story you know. He's only hinted at his drinking and it driving you away. I think you should tell them what really happened, then he can act all contrite and say how's he dealt with his anger through his therapy. It will end up looking good for both of you."

That made me lose it, and I was no longer able to stay calm. "You are some piece of shit. You want me to tell the world the worst thing that has ever happened to me and put a positive spin on it? You want me to help him look good after what he did? Fuck you. You're fired."

"But..."

"No. You're fired. This was about him, not me. You chose your client, I hope you're happy with what you've done."

Again I hung up, but now I was shaking so hard I couldn't stay standing. I half fell to the floor, barely even noticing that Matt had moved to catch me and stop me hitting my head. Everything span around me, and I thought for a moment I was going to throw up. I didn't shout, I didn't get angry, but suddenly I had no control and I could barely breathe. I curled into a ball and the shaking turned to crying as I let out all the tension in the only way my body knew how right then.

I felt strong arms wrap around me and I grabbed hold and clung to the body beside mine. I guess I knew it was Matt, but it could have been anyone right then, I just needed some human connection. It took a while before I could focus on anything, I'd just fallen apart and I had to pull myself back together. But once I had stopped sobbing I came back to reality fast. I was in Matt's arms and he was in mine. I let go and pulled away as if he was on fire. I didn't want the connection I felt to him, I needed to get free. I put my arms around my own knees and sat there, not wanting to look at him right now. He took the hint and let go of me too, but he stayed close and I could still feel the heat of him. I almost broke down again when I heard the soft tone of his voice.

"I'm going to take you back home now. You need some time to sort this out."

I managed to snuffle out a thank you. I didn't know what I needed, but right now hiding under my duvet and pretending none of this was happening seemed like the best option. I followed him, as I had done before, but this time he kept checking I was still with him. Even in his car, although he didn't speak to me, he kept glancing over. His sudden awareness of me was unnerving, but he was the only person there to show me any concern right now and I did need it. It was just surprising that the person helping me out was Matt, who usually seemed so apart from the world. Right now it felt like I was the one in another world and he was the only one keeping my link to reality.

Matt pulled up outside my flat, and I felt the need to go in there and hide, possibly for some time to come. At least there was no need to get out of there for the rest of the weekend. I didn't know if I wanted to be alone, get pissed, or run away further, and I desperately needed time to get my head straight. He just sat there though, waiting for me to move, and I realised I actually needed to get out of the car. I thanked him again, still wondering where all his kindness had come from.

"Are you going to be okay?"

"I guess so. Bad day."

"I got that. Listen, this is my number. If you need to talk, or if you want some company."

I managed to look at him in surprise. It was at the offer of him helping, but he obviously thought something else.

"I didn't mean that kind of company."

"No, I didn't think that, it's just... Never mind. Thanks again." 

I didn't think I could explain that I was shocked at him being nice to me, it seemed wrong after he had made an effort and been there for me, even if he'd had no choice because he'd been the only one there when I had my meltdown. I already felt embarrassed about it, and at showing him my weakness, but I guessed if he had read the paper he would have some idea of what was going on. I wasn't going to let him know just how weak I was.

* * * * * * 



Dancing Ch. 02



I made it through the whole routine, again better than I had ever done it before. Or perhaps it was just that Matt was doing it worse than he ever had before. He even got confused about the next steps at one point and had to watch me for a second to remind himself. I saw this out of the corner of my eye, but didn't comment on it, just wondering why he was so distracted. It wasn't as though he hadn't watched me do this a million times by now.

As the routine drew to a close I had the sudden thought that we had to do the kiss. That meant I had to end up facing him, and somehow I altered my turn at the end to make sure that happened. He was facing me too, and there wasn't much distance between us, so it had worked perfectly. I reached out slowly, looking at his lips although I shouldn't have been because this was only going to be for show. It didn't matter though, because I never got to touch him let alone kiss him. He jumped away from me so fast I had to look up to see where he had gone.

The sight that greeted me nearly made my heart break. He was terrified. It was obvious from the fact his face was white, his body was shaking, and it showed in his eyes. I relaxed my stance, wanting to go hug him to me but thinking that might make matters worse, and took a step back as well to make sure it was clear I wasn't going to push him. But we couldn't do this on stage, we needed to make it work.

"Matt..." I started, not knowing what to say. I heard muttering, and barely heard any words until he repeated himself.

"Sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. But we need to work this out. We don't have to rehearse it now, but we're going to have to do it next week, so if there's a problem we need to sort it," I said softly.

"There's not a problem. I just..."

"Matt, you leapt away from me before I even touched you, and you still look scared. I'm not going to hurt you, I promise."

"I know. I trust you."

I wanted to make a comment about how he obviously didn't else he wouldn't be standing on the other side of the room, but I didn't think that would help. I'd been looking forward to a chance to kiss him innocently, but he'd been worrying about it, and obviously hadn't resolved whatever it was. I'd like to think he was concerned about kissing me because it was something he wanted to do in reality. It just seemed that if that was the case he might be shaking but he wouldn't have jumped away. He had real issues with personal space, and I was beginning to wonder if his problems might stem from something a lot worse than a beating. And I hated the thought that I was bringing something like that back to him. 

I backed right off and sat down on the sofa, beckoning him to come join me. He did, but he sat at pretty much the other end of the thing, as far away from me as possible. I'd deliberately gone for an end to give him that option, but it seemed to confirm what I had been thinking. I needed to handle this with care.

"After Ben beat me, I shut myself off for a long time. I still have a lot of trouble trusting people, and as for relationships, I doubted until recently I was ever going to think about that again. The last thing anyone should have to deal with is someone they should be able to love and trust taking that away from them. I don't make friends easily either, but it seems to me that we are starting to build a friendship and what you have done for me in the last few days means the world to me. I'm not going to ask about anything, and I totally understand if you don't want to tell me. Hell, I'd have been happy if no-one had ever known about what Ben did. But we do need to find a way that you can be comfortable enough with me to do this kiss. I'll do whatever I can to help."

I heard sniffing beside me, and glanced up to see that there were tears in Matt's eyes, even if he wasn't shedding them.

"I don't know what will help though. I'm glad you think we are friends and that means a lot to me too, but I guess you know that I really have a problem with trusting people and I keep myself apart from them as much as I can. I don't do physical contact, and this is a step too far right now. It isn't you."

"Perhaps we need to take a leaf from your methods and get drunk."

"Huh?" he said, surprised.

"I danced drunk, and you touched me. Maybe getting a couple of drinks in you and going dancing is the way to sort this out. Might not be the best one, but it did work before."

"It was the dancing, not the drinking. I love dancing and it's the only time I let my guard down."

"I saw. You were incredible dancing on your own. You seemed like a totally different person. It suits you, you know, smiling and talking to people. I can understand if it is hard for you, but you can't live your whole life shut off from the world."

"You sound like my therapist."

"I got the line off my therapist. Doesn't mean it's not the truth."

"It doesn't make it any easier though."

"I know. It takes time, but it can be done, and I will help if I can."

"You already are."

Shit, he looked so sweet and vulnerable right then I felt my heart swell with love for him. Just about the last thing he needs right now. Baby steps was the way to go, and he might never want me the way I wanted him. Still, I could content myself with helping him like I promised. The next thing he did, I really wasn't expecting. He started leaning towards me and I froze. It looked like he was going to kiss me, and I needed to remain passive and let him try if he'd ever get over this. It was the slightest of pecks on my lips, but I felt the warmth for a brief second, and had the realisation that I was falling for him. 

I knew I swallowed hard, and I must have looked almost as nervous as he had earlier, but he seemed pleased and was giving me a shy smile. That was a major leap forward for him and I couldn't help returning the smile with one of my own, rather less shy and more overwhelmingly glad that he had willingly touched me. But it was all for the sake of the play, I reminded my twitching dick. I spoke without thinking, coming out with the corniest line ever.

"See, that didn't hurt."

"No, it didn't. I guess because I did it, not you. That sounds odd, doesn't it?"

"I get it. You were in control and I didn't move and try and make it any more than you were ready for."

"Can you hold still again?" he asked shyly.

Fuck. I nodded, but knew I was tensing. This was going to be hard, as was part of me if I didn't concentrate. I couldn't scare him. He moved closer to me on the sofa and I thought I could feel the heat from his body. The seat was shaking slightly, and it seemed to be because we were both trembling, for different reasons. The second kiss was better and worse than the first. This time his lips were on mine for longer, and they moved too. I stopped myself from letting out a moan somehow, and then his touch was gone again. I didn't manage to stop myself from licking my lips, and had to cover. 

"If it helps any, I'm a bit nervous too. I don't like doing stage kisses, and this has got to be the weirdest place I've ever had to practice."

"Thanks for doing this. I know I have issues, but I am trying."

"I do understand. It's okay. We've got time to make this look good before Monday."

"Do you mind if we leave it for the moment? I've already pushed my boundaries a bit too much."

I think I breathed a sigh of relief, but thankfully he didn't notice as I shook my head to say I didn't mind. In fact it was far from not minding, I needed to get some control and work this whole thing through in my mind if I had any chance of not taking one of these kisses a lot further. 

That night, after a lot more rehearsing, a couple more soft kisses, and an evening spent laughing with him, I lay in bed, hard as a rock again. We'd spent the day trying to bring his defences down, and I really needed to put mine up, because he was really getting to me. I'd fancied him the moment I saw him, but so did practically everyone. It was only his personality that put anyone off, and even that didn't stop him getting offers. Now I knew that was all a front, and had some idea of why it was there, and I almost ached to touch him. He was everything I could possibly want and I knew it was going to be difficult, if not impossible to get. I groaned my displeasure and stopped stroking myself. 

I couldn't do this, it wasn't fair to Matt to have him be my fantasy during the nights and my friend during the days, and it was only going to drive me more crazy. It hurt to think it, but if I could never be with him, I was at least going to try and help him get back out into the world. Everyone needed to see how wonderful this man was, and I just hoped that one of these days he could be happy again. I wanted to be the one who made him that way, but he had to make the decision. On top of that, he thought he was helping me through a difficult time, and I felt like I was using him. Why was my life so screwed up? Ben had wrecked me, and the first time in years I had started to think of someone else, he was even more wrecked than I was.

Somehow, I really did hold it together for the rest of that week, and it was a serious test, because each day he became more comfortable around me. He was using me as some kind of practice dummy for his personal contact issues, because now he wasn't just kissing me for work, he was touching me regularly, pushing his issues with personal space so that he was close to me almost all the time, not even shy of asking me when he wanted to try another kiss. It seemed he felt so comfortable around me now he didn't even think of me as a sexual being, I was just some giant teddy bear or something like that. 

As much as it drove me crazy, it also made me happy, because I got to see what he could be and I could almost pretend that we were a couple. To an impartial observer it would probably have looked that way. It was the best and closest relationship I had had for years, and even though it wasn't enough I clung to it.

There was no mention of me going home, and I was grateful for that. Leaving his house meant the real world, and I would be kidding myself if I didn't know that was scaring me. Here we were playing happy families and there was nothing else to worry about. And we had such a laugh, either while rehearsing or just watching tv, it helped me forget anything else. Well, anything but him. 

There was one major thing on my mind, but I left it until the weekend before I mentioned it, knowing it would be difficult for both of us and not sure how to handle it. I waited until he kissed me, feeling the by now familiar surge of love and desire at his soft touches, before I broached it.

"I know this could be difficult, but you realise I'm going to have to be involved in this kiss? We can't go on stage on Monday and me stand there like a statue."

"Yes, I know. I just figured the more comfortable I got with the idea the less I would worry when we did the proper thing."

"Do you want to try?" I asked cautiously. My heart was thumping so much in my chest with a combination of nerves and anticipation I was sure he would be able to hear it. He nodded, giving me the green light. Keep control, I reminded myself.

He didn't flinch as I moved my face towards his, so major progress had been made. I wanted to touch him, to stroke his face with my hand as I touched our lips, but that was too intimate. I settled for just the lips, keeping them soft but my mouth firmly closed. Without thinking, I put my arms around him and brought him a little closer as I kept the kiss going, moving them slightly and feeling that he was doing the same. That gentle movement against me, and maybe the fact he didn't pull out of my arms, flipped some sort of switch in me and suddenly I couldn't stop.

I pressed my lips harder to his, opening them slightly to try and taste him. My hand went to the back of his head, holding him gently so he wouldn't move away. I took control this time and although I managed not to try pushing my tongue between his lips and making him open to me, I put everything else I could into it. It must have been a minute before any rational thought returned, and I drew back from him quickly, my heart pounding even faster and my dick hard as a rock. Thank god I hadn't pulled his body right up to mine, or he would have felt it.

I looked at him nervously, sure I had just pushed things too far. But he looked... happy? Not flustered like I was sure I did, or scared like I expected. He was calm, and I was the one who was terrified that I had just shown him what I really felt. I didn't know what to say and waited for him to break the silence.

"That will work," he said brightly, moving away and past me while I let out the breath I had been holding.

He was oblivious to what that kiss had done to me. I really was that giant teddy bear with no sex organs as far as he was concerned, and it hurt. Maybe it was just that he didn't fancy me, or perhaps he didn't think about anyone that way. Neither option was better as far as I was concerned, because it meant I had no chance of anything that I wanted. I tried to squash what I was feeling, because this wasn't about me, it was about him and what he needed. If all he ever needed me for was a friend, that was what I was going to be, because I couldn't see my life without him now. It would get easier, I knew that, and I could be happy with whatever he gave me. I wouldn't be lonely except in my bed at night, and I was used to that. Everything was going to be just fine. 

* * * * * *



Dancing Ch. 03



* * * * * *

When Monday finally rolled around I was disappointed. As much as I liked the idea of getting back to work, it was the end of my time with Matt. I felt like I was somehow feeding off him, his smiles and touches the only things that were keeping me going. But we had to do this. He assured me that there had been nothing more in the papers about me, although Ben's confession was still big news. There had even been some other guy come forward with a kiss and tell that made what I had told Matt about Ben's endowment pale by comparison. I almost felt bad for him, because he was pretty good in bed, if a little too much into a routine that he liked so there was never any variety.

I wondered how Matt would be with other people, and it proved to be a revelation. He actually spoke to people, willingly. He didn't stray far from my side at first, but as he had scenes with others he moved away and spoke to them. I could almost see the disbelief on their faces, but soon they were basking in him paying them attention, and I understood why they relished it, even if I was a little jealous that this side to him wasn't just for me to see. Somehow our week together and my meltdown had really helped him too, and I was proud of my part in it.

We got through a full run-through, only the occasional line forgotten (not by me), the odd person or prop out of place, and the dance even going well, the director obviously impressed by my improvement. I thought I heard a slight snigger when Matt and I did the kiss, but we made it light but still passionate and he seemed more relaxed after the practice and now that we were not alone for it. I even managed to keep myself under control knowing that we had an audience and he felt nothing.

Afterwards, the directors and techs had a meeting to work out various things and to discuss what needed to be changed, and the rest of us grabbed some sandwiches and drinks that had been put out for us. I kept glancing over to Matt, noticing he was sitting with two of the dancers, cautiously joining in with their conversation. He seemed to keep looking at me for reassurance, and I smiled. He really was doing well. My eyes were still on him when one of the other actors sidled up to me.

"Just wanted to say well done. It's obvious getting laid suits him, wish we'd known before now. Not that he didn't have offers."

I tore my eyes off Matt, not quite sure of what I was hearing. "It's not like that," I replied.

"Sure it isn't. You two go off and hole up for a week, and he comes back with a total personality transplant. I guess I'm just a bit jealous, and I'm not the only one, but it's good to see you both so happy."

I started to try and deny it again, but he was already walking away and I wasn't going to shout after him to explain I wasn't sleeping with Matt. Everyone seemed to like this new side of him, and if they thought I was the reason, I was, just not how they were thinking. I saw how people flocked to him now that they could see his true nature, and it made me happy that he was doing this, but still sad that I couldn't have him all to myself. It was too selfish a thought though, everyone deserved to know how great Matt was and he needed to be able to do this.

I really knew it was the end of everything when Matt drove me home after work. My car had got clamped, and the director promised to sort it out for me but I was reliant on Matt again. I liked this time alone with him, but this time he was driving me to my home, not to his.

"I thought we'd see if the coast is clear at yours. If not, you're welcome to stay at mine again."

I made some sound of agreement, even though my heart was breaking. I started to wish there would still be people camped on my doorstep, but there weren't. They obviously had got bored. I didn't want to be alone in there right now though.

"Will you come in for a bit? I don't want to be alone just yet."

He agreed readily, and I led the way into the house. There was a pile of post and notes behind the door. I picked it up, noticing one that was a request for me to call and an offer of money to tell my story, and I wanted to throw it all back out. I handed the pile to Matt.

"Can you look through and bin all the rubbish? I don't need to look at it."

He nodded and followed me to the kitchen, starting to check as he went. I got some glasses out as he continued to sort, a couple of bank statements onto the side and a couple of notes straight into the bin. I watched his face as he did it, glad he was dealing with this and not me, because even he was pulling faces at what some of them said. He drew in a sharp breath at one and shoved it into the bin very quickly, looking up to see if I had noticed.

"Homophobic crap," he explained.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I just thought they'd be from the papers."

"Most of them are. You could make a fortune, if you were happy selling your soul."

I smiled. "Yeah, but my self-respect is important to me. I'd be no better than him if I did."

He looked annoyed. "You'd still be a lot better than him."

I didn't know what to say to that so I busied myself finding something to drink. I knew one thing, I didn't want him to leave because while he was still with me none of the rest of it was real. I noticed my answerphone was indicating I had about 50 messages, and I knew I couldn't deal with that alone either. I could have just asked, but I felt nervous he would refuse, so I decided on the cowards way out. Get him drunk enough he couldn't drive home.

"Glass of wine?" I asked, and was grateful when he agreed. He'd had a hard day as well, and I was still surprised he'd been able to let his walls down so easily.

We ordered pizza, there not being much in my flat that could be cooked right now. I usually had a good supply of fresh food, but after a week it wasn't looking very appealing. So we ended up sat on my sofa, drinking wine and eating with our fingers. Most of the bottle of wine had gone, so there was no way he was going home now unless he called a cab which would be stupidly expensive. I wondered if he guessed that I needed him to stay and was just making it seem like it was my idea. Conversation was just as easy tonight as any time in the previous week. I really wondered how I was going to cope when this was over and he went back to his though.

After a while, and a good three quarters of the wine emptied out, we settled into a comfortable silence, and I put the tv on in the background. I could feel the effects of the wine and felt pleasantly buzzed. I was just thinking it might be a good time to listen to those messages when he started to talk again.

"I want to say thanks. I've really appreciated the last week and it's made a huge difference to me."

I looked at him slightly surprised. "Shouldn't I be telling you that? I've had a tough time and you've been there for me, beyond the call of duty seeing as we didn't really know one another before this."

"I've been happy too. It made me realise that letting people into my life isn't a bad thing. It was so much fun at work today, talking to people and being part of it again."

"From what I could see you did really well, and everyone loved it."

"I think I shocked a fair few people to be honest."

"Definitely, but only in a good way. However, it's only fair to tell you they have their own theories on what has brought you out of your shell."

"I know. I got my first clue when someone told me you must be great in bed!"

My mouth fell open in surprise, that he had been told that and that he had repeated it to me, but I also blushed.

"Shame you had to deny it. It wouldn't hurt to have that reputation!"

"I didn't deny it, but I didn't confirm it either. I hope you don't mind."

"No, but why would you want them to keep thinking that's what is going on?"

I was actually glad he hadn't told them we weren't together, and that the guy hadn't believed me, purely for the selfish reason that it meant no-one else would try and work their way into his affections, but I didn't understand what he got out of it. He was deep in thought, and I wondered if he was about to disclose some secret.

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, I'll tell them the truth if you want."

"It's okay, honestly. Anyway, I tried telling someone the truth and he didn't believe me. I was more worried that you would find it uncomfortable."

He swallowed hard. I was going to get some sort of confession.

"No, it kind of makes me feel safe. I was always really friendly and such a pretty boy that I got loads of offers, but very few I wanted to take up. When I first moved here I was very naïve and people took advantage of that and my friendly nature. The only time people stopped hitting on me, well so much, was when I was in a relationship. He ended up... well, let's just say he took advantage worse than anyone before. When I got out of that I wasn't the same. I see how people look at me, like when we were in the club the other week, and I found the only way to stop them was to be unapproachable, even rude. Today, everyone was happy to talk to me, but no-one tried it on, because they thought I was with you. Does that make any sense?"

"Yes, it does. If you want them to keep thinking that's what we are, I don't mind. Not if I can see you as happy as you were today."

"I don't want to cramp your style."

I laughed at that. He was the only one I wanted, and if I wasn't going to have that it wouldn't matter what people thought. I told a bit of a white lie.

"Believe me, there is no style to cramp. I'm not looking. I have everything I need. Since I left Ben I've not even considered a relationship that could be real, because it would take an awful lot for me to let someone get that close again, emotionally or physically."

"So you don't mind a pretend boyfriend?" he said, smiling.

"No, but I'm sure your therapist would have something to say about this."

"Screw her. I reckon I can distract her enough with the fact I've spoken to some people."

"I'm glad I've been able to help."

"Yeah, me too. It was getting kind of lonely."

I had to hug him then, but I kept my hands off anywhere sensitive, and he didn't complain or draw back from me. I wasn't sure if being comfortable with touching each other was good or bad, but as far as I could see aside from my frustration, which I was starting to get under control, it was helping both of us.

"You ready to hold my hand while I clear the phone messages?" I asked as I broke the hug. 

I meant it metaphorically, but as I stood up he came with me and put his hand into mine. I gave it a friendly squeeze and smiled at him to thank him for his help, then pushed the button. I was pretty quick to delete most of them, not even bothering to listen past who they were and which paper. I shook and deleted faster when it was a message from Ben. I'd stopped answering my mobile to him, so he'd obviously decided to go for another option. I didn't even know how he had got the number, but he'd called several times. Only the call from my sister was actually welcome, and I'd spoken to her since she'd left it, having to reassure her that I was doing okay and apologise for not telling her what had happened.

I breathed a sigh of relief when the last one was gone. It was late now and I was tired, but I had to sort Matt out first.

"Come on, we need to make the spare bed up for you."

I found some sheets in a drawer and handed them to him. They were a bright blue that matched his eyes and I had to stop myself from picturing him lying in the bed, naked. I guessed I was going to keep having thoughts like that for some time about my 'boyfriend', but I was going to do my best to avoid thinking of him that way. Once the bed was made I left him to sort himself out, closing the door and not wondering what he looked like as he stripped. Well, not much.

I started to get ready for bed myself, when the doorbell rang. I was distracted with thoughts of Matt, else I'd probably have thought a lot more about opening it. I don't know who I expected to be there, but Ben would have been bottom of my list, both on who might have come round and who I wanted it to be. Somehow, I felt surprisingly calm, but I made it pretty clear I didn't want him there.

"What are you doing here. I thought I told you to leave me alone."

"Did you get my messages? I keep apologising but you haven't got back to me."

"I haven't been here, and I've just deleted all of them. I don't want anything to do with you, and if you don't leave I'll call the police."

"I love you Aaron. I'm so sorry for what happened, but I need you."

I felt like I was about to explode at that point, all the calm leaving me in a rush. How dare he turn up here and expect me to go back to him? I might have started shouting then, but Ben's eyes darted to something behind me, and a moment later I felt a warm body wrap around mine from behind and there was a sultry voice in my ear.

"Come back to bed baby," Matt murmured, loud enough to make sure Ben heard him. 

Matt couldn't see my face, but Ben could, and for once I didn't try and pretend this wasn't affecting me. I let Ben see my smile and the lust blazing in my eyes at the contact and the soft words. I half turned my head and placed a soft kiss on Matt's forehead.

"I'll be there in a second."

The arms disentangled themselves from around my torso, and I turned totally to watch Matt walk back upstairs. He had no top on, obviously half way through getting changed, and I took in the sight of his toned back and the line of his spine, particularly enjoying the dip at his lower back just above the trousers he had on that I would quite willingly have torn off him right then and there so I could worship his tight ass. 

When I turned back, Ben had noticed it too, but he was more intent on me. He looked sad, and to be honest I was past caring if that little display had hurt him. It might have been acting, at least on Matt's part, but it obviously looked convincing. My eyes challenged Ben to say something.

"Sorry," he offered, starting to walk away. I closed the door immediately, not needing to see whether he looked back. I made sure if he did he'd see my outline through the glass, heading up the stairs with speed. If only I really was doing that to make love with the half-dressed angel he'd seen. Turning the corner towards the rooms, I ran straight into Matt who had been waiting and probably listening. I grabbed hold of him as some sort of anchor as I started shaking. 

"Why is it every time I think I'm getting myself together he turns up and fucks with my life again?" I asked, not really thinking there was a good answer. Matt just gave me a hug, so he obviously didn't have one.

"Hopefully that will be the last time."

"That would be good. Thanks for helping out there."

"I thought if you were doing me a favour by pretending to be my boyfriend when I needed it, it was the least I could do."

"I actually think he was upset to see I had someone else. I'm glad about that, it means he really does care about me and want me back."

I felt Matt stiffen, and I wasn't sure what the problem was.

"You're not seriously considering going back to him?" he asked cautiously.

"Of course not. I'm just taking a little pleasure in the fact that he's really trying and I can hurt him this time. It's wrong of me to be pleased he's upset, but I am. Does that make me a bad person?"

"No, it doesn't. It's not surprising to want to get some revenge, trust me. Are you okay now, because I'm shattered."

"I'll be okay. Thank you so much."

He hugged me and kissed me quickly on the cheek before going into his room. I wanted to drag him into mine and not let him go. I wanted a warm body beside me again, and his teasing words and actions earlier weren't helping me be good right then. He was still my fantasy man, and the reality of him, even what we had, was going to have to be enough.

* * * * * *

Somehow, over the following days, we settled into a routine. The spare rooms were permanently set up at both our houses, and either we stayed at his or at mine. I spent more time apart from him at work than anywhere else because we were together all evening. Our work colleagues laughed and joked about it, and we didn't let on that at the end of the night we were always heading to separate beds. Aside from that, we honestly could have been dating, we were so close. I loved every moment of it, and aside from the recurring dreams I had about us, I was just enjoying having a relationship again, even if it wasn't quite what I pictured. And I still got to kiss him a couple of times a day, even if it was during rehearsals.

We had a further two weeks before the play opened, and rehearsals intensified. I couldn't even guess how many times I had been through the lines and the moves, making sure everything was going to be just right, not only what we were doing on stage but the lighting, sound and props. All of us felt the anticipation building, and Matt and I spent every night talking about it until we headed to bed. Even that became earlier and earlier because we were so tired. I missed having quite so much time with him, but I was always asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow, and I rarely had time to think about him or the strange situation we had ended up in.

A few days before opening and we were into dress rehearsals. I was glad I'd been shattered every evening, because the outfit they put him in for the dance routine was practically scandalous. It was supposed to be the fantasy of my character given that he was secretly in love with Matt's. I think the costume designer had seen some of my real fantasies. Given he was straight, it couldn't have been his own. He had a waistcoat on, but it was open and there was nothing underneath it, so every movement in the dance showed his six pack off perfectly. The trousers might as well have been painted on, and even with the little extra room in front it was still possible to see the outline of his cock and balls. Well, it was if you couldn't stop staring, and I was finding it very difficult not to look.

I was surprised that Matt wasn't in the least self-conscious. He had a great body, but he didn't seem to like attention normally. It was just something about being on stage that loosened him up. I think that was the only place he had been himself in a long time, although that was an odd thing to say as he had always been playing a character or dancing, but he seemed at home somehow. 

When Matt came bouncing up to me at the end of the run-through, excited at how it had gone and still dressed in that outfit, I nearly moaned. All his attention was on me and I couldn't look like I wanted. It was another of those moments when I wondered what I had got myself into, especially when I saw the amused grins of one or two of the others. They knew exactly what I was thinking, and they were probably thinking something similar. He had no idea what he was doing to us all. I was thankful that no-one gave him any lingering glances, but that was only because they all thought he was dating me. Little did they know, it was just as hard for me to see that and not be able to touch him.

I was a lot more comfortable when we got home, to his place this time, and he was back in normal clothes. That way it was a lot easier not to see him as some sort of sex object. His high after the show had worn off and he was yawning as we sat and watched a film together. I found myself unable to follow it, partly because of my own tiredness, but more because Matt was leaning against me, his feet up to the side and his body close to mine as his head rested on my shoulder. It should have been really cosy, but it was making my temperature rise after my thoughts earlier today. 

His yawns increased in frequency and he snuggled further into me. The teddy bear idea came back to me with a vengeance, because all I was being was a pillow. I didn't really mind, it was just another one of those moments when he was so comfortable with me he didn't realise the effect his closeness had. Eventually he lay down, saying he wanted to watch the rest of the film before bed, and in his new position he really was using me as a pillow as he rested his head on my thigh. I shifted position, making sure he would not come into contact with my dick, because he was not entirely resting right now. Matt's head in my lap was not going to help that situation either.




Dancing Ch. 03



I watched the film a little longer, barely noticing that my hand drifted down to stroke his hair. He mumbled slightly, but didn't seem to mind, and I enjoyed the silkiness under my fingers so I continued. I didn't notice immediately he fell asleep, but soon his regular and slow breathing gave the game away. His face was slightly turned towards me and I took the opportunity to look at him for a little while, so perfect and angelic like this and still as cute as always. I took a chance and kissed his forehead, but he didn't even stir. I couldn't move without waking him, and it seemed wrong to disturb my sleeping angel, so I leaned my head back on the sofa and got comfy, soon falling asleep myself.

* * * * * *

I woke to movement and strange whimpering sounds. Matt was starting to thrash about and was clearly in the throes of a dream. For a moment I didn't know if it was a good or a bad one, but he started to shout 'No', and his arms seemed to be trying to push someone away. His movement meant his head dropped from my lap and I stood away for him for a second. Seeing him so afraid was breaking my heart and I somehow knew he was reliving what had happened to him. I reached out to try and wake him, and felt a sharp pain as his fist connected with my stomach.

Dumb move, apparently, but me collapsing to my knees as the air rushed out of my body was enough to bring him back to consciousness. He'd caught me in just the right place to make me double up and I had to stop coughing and grab some deep breaths before I looked back up to him.

He was clearly confused, but now alert. I guess it was hard to get back to reality when a dream has taken over, and I knew it had been a bad one. He looked at me on the floor, for a moment relieved because he wasn't wherever he had been in his dream, and then horrified. His hand reached out towards me and then he pulled it away sharply.

"Oh God, I hit you. Aaron, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise. Please don't hate me..."

He tailed off into some incomprehensible muttering as he started to cry, either at the dream or at what he had done to me, I didn't know right then. He tensed when I put my arms around him to hold him tight, but he needed that comfort now, and soon relaxed into it.

"It's okay, it was an accident. You didn't know it was me, you were still asleep. I could never hate you."

"I had a nightmare," he snuffled into my shoulder.

"I know. It was just a dream, you're safe."

He pulled back from me then, looking concerned.

"How did you know it was a nightmare? What did I say."

"You were saying 'No' a lot, and moving around as though you were trying to fight someone off. It's alright, everyone has bad dreams sometimes, and reliving difficult times is part of that."

He drew me back and started clinging to me as though I was the only solid thing in his world. Maybe I was right now, I was reality and safety. His head was buried in my shoulder as he shook and let out a few more tears. I wouldn't have thought I could hear anything he said as he was practically whispering and it was muffled into my top while he was still crying, but his next words came through loud and clear.

"I was raped."

I'd kind of guessed it, knowing that something had happened to him to make him shut down like he had. I thought it was worse than what I had been through, and I thought it might be sexual, but actually hearing him say it, I didn't know how to react. He started to murmur again, and I went into protective mode, wrapping my arms around him even tighter, but still aware of him so if he needed to get away from me he could. I kissed the top of his head lightly.

"You don't have to tell me."

"I know. I want to. I need to."

"Okay."

He pulled back from me a little and I let him go, trying to make sure my expression didn't show the horror I was feeling, or the anger that anyone could do that to him. I felt like crying myself that it had, and yet I knew I needed to stay strong for this, both for him and for me. He took my hand and started to stand, and I wondered where he was going. That obviously did show on my face.

"I know this sounds crazy, but I need to be held right now. Please."

As if I could refuse him anything. I stood and followed, and he led me into his bedroom. I know I swallowed hard. He wanted me to hold him in here? This was a little more intimate than I was expecting. On the other hand, with what he was going to tell me, there was no way I could fail to control my urges to make love to him. It was more my urges to go out and beat the crap out of someone I was concerned about right now. I might be against violence in general, but some people deserved it.

When Matt lay down on the bed and drew me down beside him my heart seemed to miss a beat. Perhaps as much as my mind knew that was not what was in store for me, my body didn't care, or perhaps the need to care for the man I was in love with was affecting me more than I thought. Either way, I let him curl up to me but made sure my crotch wasn't in contact with him. The last thing he needed to feel during this was a hard cock pressing into him, and I couldn't be sure it wouldn't react to him being closer to me than ever before.

He wrapped his arms around me and I returned the favour, feeling the warmth from his body all down mine. I steeled myself for what he was going to tell me, knowing that it was a huge step for him and grateful that he trusted me enough to let me in on this, but at the same time knowing it was going to hurt to hear what he had to say. I needed to stay strong for both of us. He buried his head back into my shoulder, and I figured he couldn't cope with looking at me while he spoke, which was probably a good thing as I wasn't sure that my expressions could be controlled too easily.

"I moved here when I was 19, I wanted to do bigger and better shows and I knew I'd have to be in London. I'd always found men and women flocking to me, but I didn't let very many guys near me. It felt too much like I was some kind of trophy for them and I knew they were just after a fuck. A few that I did like I'd do oral with, but I wanted to wait for someone special to go all the way.

I kept on like that for a while when I first moved here, and then I met this guy. He was working in one of the tiny shows I was doing, and he seemed great. He didn't push me for sex immediately, he actually took me out on dates and it was a proper relationship. I should have noticed, but it didn't take long before he started controlling me. It was subtle at first, worried about where I was or who I was out with, but it got more intense and although it scared me a little I was still naïve and I wanted to make him happy.

Perhaps I should have realised that he wasn't right because I couldn't seem to cross that final step with him. I sucked him off all the time, but I didn't let him in me. He said it was fine, he was happy to wait for me to be ready for that."

Matt started trembling in my arms and I knew what was coming next. I kissed the top of his head again and started to stroke his hair and his back to provide some comfort. I didn't think interrupting him was going to help, and after a moment to calm himself he started speaking again, even though the shaking didn't stop.

"He had this big party for his birthday. It was about six months after we met, maybe four since we started dating. I kind of thought that I'd let him have me that night, it seemed to be the right time even though I still wasn't sure. I hadn't told him that though. He made sure I got drunk, kept topping up my glass. I didn't think it was odd at the time, but now I know it was part of his grand plan.

He wasn't just drinking, although I'm still not sure what he and his mates were snorting, but I don't believe it was the drugs that caused anything. He waited until the party had wound down and almost everyone had left. I was drunk enough that when he asked me to strip off and suck him I didn't even worry about the fact we were in his living room and one of his mates was in the room. But then he started talking about how he wanted his birthday present and he was going to enjoy breaking me in, and I started to panic. He had me held so I couldn't move my head away from him and he was basically fucking my throat as he kept telling me what he was going to do to me."

I could feel Matt's fear even as he spoke about it and all I could do was hold him tighter and keep kissing him. I didn't know if I wanted to hear the rest but I couldn't stop him because it was going to upset me, I needed to let him get this out. I'd never told anyone about my beating, and by comparison it was starting to seem like I shouldn't have been complaining. He'd supported me through my issues over that, and yet he had suffered far more than I ever had. I know I took a sharp breath when he started to talk again, but he was too upset to notice, almost forcing the words out now as he shook and cried.

"I could barely breathe by then, but I still managed to start fighting when I felt another pair of hands on me. Turned out two of his mates were still there, and he'd told them they could have me too. He was telling me this as they were groping me and I was hitting and scratching. I would have bitten him but he had my mouth jammed open. He knew I wasn't going to make it easy for them, so he started with the threats. Either I could take this like a man or they would beat me to a pulp and then fuck me. He called me all sorts of names, kept telling me I wanted this and I'd love it once I got started. When he finally released me, I tried to scramble up and run, but the other guys were already holding me and there was no way out.

They slapped me a few times, reminded me what they could do if I didn't let them do what they wanted with me, how it could be a lot worse. I know I was crying, but when they asked me again if I was going to let them I nodded. I believed they would hurt or kill me otherwise and I'd still be raped, so I let them. I stayed there and I let them touch me, trying not to listen to what they called me or the way they spoke about me as though I was just a couple of holes for them to fill. I let them tie me to his coffee table so I was on my hands and knees and couldn't fight them off, and I let them all fuck me hard until I was torn and bloody."

He broke down completely then, and I had a trembling, weeping mass curled up in my arms. I was shaking with fear for him and rage at what had been done to him, but one thing in particular stood out for me from what he had said. I spoke softly and hoped that my words would have some impact.

"Matt, you didn't let them do anything. They took from you and hurt you. It was not your fault."

I didn't get a reply, but I wasn't really expecting one. He was too far gone right now and needed to cry himself out. I moved a little so I could pull the covers over us, and he tightened his grip so I wouldn't leave him. There was no way I could, not just now but ever. He needed me and I was going to be there.

* * * * * *

I woke up with light streaming over my face. I had no memory of either of us falling asleep, it must have happened pretty suddenly once the emotions were released. I was warm and content, Matt draped across me and my arms still around him. I'd missed this, waking cuddled up to someone. It would have been perfect if I couldn't still see the lines of the tears that had dried on his face. It was still heartbreaking, and I tried not to think too much about what he had told me last night. 

It wasn't something I was going to discuss with him unless he brought it up, and it wasn't my place to ask questions. Despite it all he looked peaceful and just beautiful. The effect was increased when his eyes opened sleepily and I saw the bright blue looking at me. I held my breath for a moment, hoping that waking to find me in bed with him, despite the fact we were fully clothed, wasn't going to upset him. He smiled.

"Morning. I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologise for."

"Can't have been much fun though, dealing with me while I cried my eyes out."

"It was what you needed. Besides which you would do the same for me, and have done more than once."

His eyes went wide in surprise, as though that hadn't occurred to him. Even his tone sounded disbelieving.

"I guess I have."

I smiled, amused that he was so surprised at what he had done. Then I saw past him to the bedside cabinet and the alarm clock on it. The one we hadn't set.

"Shit! We are going to be late for rehearsal. We've got to get moving."

Reluctantly I felt him move away from me and got out of bed myself. I stretched and realised I had fallen asleep in an odd position, plus my jeans weren't the best nightwear. Usually I slept naked, but I couldn't have done that last night. 

We quickly jumped in the shower, got dressed and were on our way to work only quarter of an hour later. Both of us had wet hair but mine was short and would dry quickly. His was too long for that to happen, but he'd tied it back into a ponytail for the moment. It gave me a view of his neck that made me want to nuzzle into it and place soft kisses there while I smelled his freshly showered scent. My cock had behaved itself all last night, but that thought had it twitching. Matt was driving while I stared at him, and neither of us were talking much, but after a while he broke the silence.

"I wanted to tell you one last thing. They are in jail, those guys. When they passed out I got myself free and I got the police straight away. They were still asleep when the cops got there so there was evidence everywhere of what they had done, plus they'd videotaped it so they couldn't even try and claim I'd consented. They had to plead guilty, which thankfully meant I didn't have to give evidence. They got several years each for what they did."

"I'm glad. They deserved worse."

"When you said you were glad you were able to hurt Ben, that's why I understand. I keep hoping they got locked up with some big guys who made them their bitches."

He actually giggled a little at his thought. It made me feel like last night had helped him a lot, and I was glad that I had been able to be there. Yet again the teddy bear comes to the rescue, and yet again I knew that it would be enough to be with him in that way, just so long as I never lost him.

There was some teasing when we did make it in, everyone assuming we had been having sex and didn't notice the time. Matt grinned and winked at me, which didn't help stop the comments, but he seemed amused by them and I was too. It was rather odd to be accused of something I hadn't actually been doing, but then given everyone thought we were dating it wasn't that surprising either, and I had to play along. I could hardly tell them what had really happened, I could only be glad that Matt had felt able to confide in me. I understood him completely now.

* * * * * *

We had three days left to go before the first performance, and everything was ready although tensions were starting to run high. We were all going to do our best, but there was still no way of knowing what the reviews would be like. In the back of my mind too, I was worried that they would mention the recent revelations about my personal life, although it did seem to be largely ignored now. Ben seemed to be dating some boy off the show he was currently working on, and the gossip columns had been full of that, but nothing about me. I was relieved but still unsure that everything could blow over so quickly.

It was back to normal with Matt. I didn't get to share his bed again, but we still spent our time together and I relished every evening. I didn't feel lonely and I had someone who understood me. I got hugs and touches regularly, we were so comfortable with each other, and although he didn't see me as a sexual partner, we were partners in every other sense of things. Daily I was impressed with how much better he was, how much he lit up a room when he was in it, and how he was always greeted with broad smiles because everyone loved him. It made me proud that I had something to do with the change in him.

He was a bag of nerves the night before first night, but then so was I. I'm pretty sure neither of us slept much, and I heard him heading to the kitchen and bathroom several times, just as he must have heard me wandering around. I just wanted everything to go well, and although I knew I had done everything I could there was no accounting for taste, and I had the horror of getting panned. It might be even worse if there was any criticism of Matt, because I'd want to defend him even more than myself.

The longest day stretched ahead of us. We were at work but everyone was in the same tense mood. It was the culmination of a lot of work for everyone, and the hardest few weeks of my life although that was mostly due to other things than work. The worst part was once we knew the theatre was starting to fill up and the calls started to come. We were in make-up and costume, waiting for the countdown, and then finally, waiting in the wings for my first entrance. Matt ran up behind me and gave me a quick hug.

"You'll be great," he whispered, and before I had chance to return the compliment he was gone and I was walking out in front of the audience, trying not to look like I was shaking like a leaf.

* * * * * *

It went perfectly. No lines were fluffed, everyone was where they were supposed to be and all the techs did their jobs exactly as well. The audience laughed when they were supposed to, and not when we were being serious, and they clapped so hard at the end I couldn't stop smiling. I was last out for the curtain calls, both of them, and each time the audience roared their approval. I got to the centre of the line of actors and grabbed Matt's hand while we took our bows, catching his eye and the pair of us grinning like idiots. Mind you, it wasn't just us, pretty much everyone had the same look on their faces.

I was on cloud nine afterwards as I sat in my dressing room, removing my stage makeup, the room full of flowers and gifts from friends and colleagues, and still unable to stop smiling. Matt came in as I was finishing up and he was bouncing with energy, also on a high from it going so well. He had on the little outfit that left little to my imagination as it was the last costume he had to wear on stage and he hadn't got round to changing yet. I managed to stop looking, somehow, as he bounded towards me, and as I stood up to greet him, into my arms to place a quick kiss on my lips.

Perhaps it was because of the high I was already on, perhaps it was that outfit, perhaps that one small kiss was just one too many, but I found I couldn't let go. Instead of removing my arms I wrapped them around to hold him tighter, and rather than his lips moving away I found them and held them with mine. A few seconds later that one light kiss had turned into a deep and passionate one, mouths open and tongues playing, and not only was he not trying to get away from some unwelcome attack, he was joined in the kiss just as much as I was, one of his hands roaming my back and the other with his fingers in my hair. It was like we were devouring each other, or taking of something that we needed to survive.

I was finally tasting him just like I'd wanted to do for so long and I didn't want to stop. His body was pressed against mine, and with so little material in the way I could feel he was getting hard, and it turned me on even more. I heard a soft moan from him and I replied with one of my own, unsure how this had started but loving every moment. I didn't know how long it lasted either, but it must have been several minutes before I pulled away reluctantly, only due to surprise as I heard someone clearing their throat.

Matt's head span round as fast as mine to find the source of the noise, and we both flushed as we saw our director standing there. He too was slightly red, which suggested it had been one hell of a kiss he had walked in on, if I hadn't known that by being involved in it.




Dancing Ch. 03



"Sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to say well done, and that we're having some drinks to celebrate a good first night. If you want to continue celebrating on your own, I'll make some excuses!" he finished up, grinning at us and winking suggestively.

"No, we'll join you," I heard Matt reply before I'd even thought about what I wanted to do. I looked at him but he wouldn't meet my gaze, suddenly very intent on the floor in front of him.

I felt my heart breaking again. I'd fucked up. He'd never want to talk to me again after this, let alone share the time together that was so precious to me. I felt it even more when the director walked out and Matt followed, without a backward glance. I slumped back into my chair and willed myself not to start crying. After all the time I had spent with him and kept myself under control, I'd finally cracked and this felt like the end of everything.

I managed to act my way through the drinks, laughing and joking with the others, but acutely aware of the fact that Matt wasn't coming near me let alone speaking to me. A couple of times he caught me looking, and his eyes shifted straight away so he was looking at someone or something else. He hated me, that was all I could think right then. How could I have been so stupid? I wanted this to be over, so I could go home and bury myself under my duvet. I knew I'd cry then, and for the first time in weeks I'd have to cry without someone there to hold me, because I'd driven him away. Fear rose in me when I realised he was supposed to be driving me home, and I figured I'd be getting a cab instead. I hoped not to break down in front of some random cabbie.

Once things were winding down and it seemed I would be able to escape I headed to my dressing room to get my stuff. I could smell Matt's scent in there, some body spray or something that he wore, and I nearly lost it right then and there, I could feel the tears starting to prick at my eyes. I grabbed my coat, deciding that anything else could wait until tomorrow, and headed out towards the stage door so I could get a cab.

Matt was there already, his car keys in his hand. I went to move past him, managing to keep from looking because I was sure I would see hurt in his eyes, but he grabbed my arm to stop me.

"Where are you going?" he asked, almost sounding angry rather than upset. When I didn't answer he continued. "Come on."

He led the way to his car, me having flashbacks to the time before I knew him properly when he just expected me to follow his orders. I hated the idea that I had driven him back to that. At least let him still want to be himself with others, even if I was shut out again. I hoped I hadn't undone all that he had achieved over the last few weeks and I prayed that he would find someone to keep him safe like I had wanted to do. And then I tried to think of nothing, just staring out of the window, because if I thought about how I was losing him I wanted to cry.

When it became clear he was driving back to my house my heart sank further with every turn. I would be home, but he wouldn't be there. I needed to say something, to try and fix this, but I didn't know what I could do. I'd forced myself on him, taken something to sate my own desire, and all that within a few days of him telling me how he had been forced into far worse. Right now I felt like I was little better than those men, and I'd be happier if he shouted at me for it than just stopped speaking. I'd even let him hit me if it would help him, this time I would deserve it.

I couldn't bear to look at him when he stopped outside my house. Shoulders slumped, I got out of the car and headed up to my front door, not noticing that he was following me until he came up behind me as I put the key in the lock. Perhaps I was going to get that beating, or maybe I'd be able to find some words that could make this better. I didn't know, but I was terrified.

I flopped down on my sofa, noticing that he sat across from me even though usually we would sit together. I couldn't look at him, but I did need to say one thing and I struggled to get those two little words out.

"I'm sorry." 

My eyes shot up to him, because he'd said the same thing at the same time. He looked just as surprised as I was, but I recovered faster.

"What are you sorry for? I took advantage of you. I'm sorry I couldn't control myself."

"I got carried away. I wasn't going to push anything."

I started laughing, and Matt just looked bemused. 

"If we're both sorry because we thought we'd upset the other then that has to be a good thing. I think we need to talk."

"I guess so," he said, but he didn't continue. Obviously it was my turn, but it took me a while to work out where to start.

"I've just been through some of the hardest days in my life. I thought all that stuff was behind me, and suddenly it's all over the papers. You've got me through that, and I am so grateful for your friendship, and I'm so glad I've got to see what a wonderful person you really are. And then we're in this weird situation of pretending that we're dating, kind of really dating because we spend all our time together, and me wishing we could keep doing this because I've never been so happy."

"I thought you didn't want anything real. You didn't mind pretending for my sake because you weren't looking, but after what happened in your last relationship you were still hurting, and you just had the biggest reminder of all that. I've been really happy too, and I never thought I would be. But you weren't ready, and I'm not sure that I am either."

"I kind of lied about why I wasn't looking. Maybe I'm not entirely ready, but I decided if I could have what we've had over the last few weeks it would be enough. I didn't think you would want anything more, and it doesn't matter just so long as you don't kick me out of your life. I thought kissing you would be the end of it all and that's the only thing that scares me."

He looked kind of sad at that, and I didn't know why he was. I was just overjoyed that he was still speaking to me, let alone that we were starting to have a conversation about what had been going on between us.

"You would settle for a relationship without sex, ever? Why? You shouldn't have to settle for anything, you're gorgeous and kind and incredibly loving, and you've done so much for me I don't even know how to begin thanking you."

I looked into his eyes, hoping he could see the truth of what I felt about him. 

"It wouldn't seem like settling, not if it was with you. I know after what happened in your past you don't want sex, but I want what we have anyway. I love you."

I saw him draw in a sharp breath at my admission, and I waited to hear what he would say. My heart was in my mouth, and I was still expecting him to push me away.

"I've been struggling with things since we met. I honestly thought I wouldn't ever want anyone, and then I found myself falling for you. And I tried so hard not to let you in. When they asked me to be your dance coach, I treated you like shit to make sure I could keep my distance. Even then you made me feel safe, and I took you dancing because I knew I could do it with you there. I loved dancing again, and I loved dancing with you even more."

I grinned at him. "Do you have any idea how gorgeous you were when you were dancing? You treating me badly wasn't entirely working, I just kept thinking if I could kiss you to shut you up, you'd be perfect! Then you looked after me while I was in meltdown and I realised you were perfect."

"I'm far from perfect. I'm screwed up beyond belief and still hurting over something that happened years ago. Being with you has mixed me up because I started to think about things I hadn't considered in a long time, but I'm still not sure I can do them. I freaked the first time you tried to kiss me, and that was because we had to. But then I still kind of wanted it, not because we needed to for work but because I couldn't stop thinking about kissing you. I saw how you were hurting too, and I tried to stop myself from taking it too far but I've kind of been testing myself with all the kisses and touches."

"So today, that kiss earlier, you really didn't mind?"

He smiled at me. "Did you not notice I was kissing you back? That had to be the hottest kiss I've ever experienced."

"Same here."

"You really want a relationship with me? No matter what that means?"

"Yes. I told you, I love you. I don't care if it's never anything more than hugs and kisses, honestly."

He gave me a kind of sly grin. "I want you too. I think I love you too. And given time, it will be more than hugs and kisses, I promise, because the thoughts I've been having about us just keep getting more intense and I want to be able to experience them for real."

My body kind of shuddered in pleasure at the thought, but I needed him to know it didn't matter. 

"You don't have to promise me anything, except that we can be together. I have had some pretty intense dreams too, but I never expected to act on them."

He smiled at me, and stood up, coming closer and taking my hand.

"So, boyfriend, how about we go get some sleep? I'd like to curl up in your arms again."

"Sounds perfect. I loved waking up with you beside me."

* * * * * *



Dancing Ch. 04



I've just been reading your comments and mails on chapter 1, thank you! I didn't realise it looked like I had dropped off the face of lit, although I was surprised it had been two months - I've been writing loads, just not finishing anything. I will try and get something new up before too long, promise, I'm getting there with some m/m and m/f stories, and have started on some more Were ones as well. 

Anyway, here's the last chapter of this one...

* * * * * *

I took the lead, keeping Matt's hand in mine, and taking him into my bedroom. I had a moment of nerves about this, and found myself shaking slightly. I knew we were not going to have sex, but taking him to my room, even just to sleep, was more than I had ever expected to happen. I had to tread carefully because I knew what lurked in his past and I couldn't scare him away from me. We had only slept together the night he told me about his rape. That had been unplanned, this time I was not going to wear my clothes to bed, but I'd need to wear something and I didn't know what would make Matt comfortable. 

"Um, what should we find to sleep in?"

"What do you usually wear?"

"Nothing... I've got some pyjamas or jogging bottoms though," I added hurriedly because he looked concerned at the idea of me wearing nothing.

"Have you got two pairs of pyjama bottoms? We're the same size, just about, that would be okay."

I found them and handed him a pair.

"T-shirt too?"

He went shy on me again, and it was so cute I wanted to kiss him again. 

"No. I want some contact between us."

That made me think of something else that might be more unwelcome contact.

"Matt, I can't promise I'm not going to get hard if we're in bed together. I can promise not to do anything about it."

"It's okay, I trust you. Plus I can't guarantee the same won't happen to me!"

I was glad to hear he trusted me and also glad that being with me might turn him on. Even if nothing would happen, it was reassuring to know. I left him to change in the bedroom while I went to the bathroom. I might never see him naked, despite what he said, but it really didn't matter. Just the thought that he was going to get into bed with me was enough to have me starting to harden, and I tried to will it away so I wouldn't scare him off before we even got there. It wasn't working.

The sight of him stood nervously by my bed when I got back to the room, especially half naked as he was, didn't help either and I felt myself swelling further. I lay down quickly and got under the covers so I could keep it out of the way. I sighed as he got in and settled down beside me, or rather pressed his body right against mine. It felt good to hold him, especially with our naked chests together. I'd seen his chest but he'd never seen me without a top on, and he seemed fascinated.

"You're all furry!"

"Just think of me as a giant teddy bear. Does it bother you?"

"No, I think it's sexy."

He certainly found it interesting, but I had to stop him running his fingers through it after only a couple of minutes.

"Sorry, but that really turns me on, and it's a bit much right now."

He apologised, but I don't think he realised how much of an understatement that had been. Years with no human contact, and just those simple touches were making me tingle in such a way I was fully erect and aching. He had to stop before I came. Maybe it was just because it was him. I gave him a smile and then a kiss, and he grabbed at me to continue it. Rapidly it became a replay of the one from earlier, intense and full of need and passion, with the most beautiful hard body wrapped around me. No, my beautiful boyfriend wrapped around me. That thought made me moan.

We didn't let up for quite a while, knowing this time we weren't going to be interrupted and we both wanted to explore, touch and taste. He felt so good under my hands I kept running them softly across his back and down his side but not into any sensitive areas. His hands on me were driving me crazy, even though his touches were light too. The kiss wasn't light, although it became more so as we both started to tire, and to need to breathe. When he finally drew back from my lips it was to yawn, and I laughed softly.

"Perhaps we should get some sleep. We can do this again tomorrow."

"And every day after that," he murmured, starting to fall asleep already. I smiled at him even though his eyes were closed.

"Yes, every day after that too, my angel."

I was also asleep before long, feeling safe and warm wrapped up with Matt, and happy now that we had sorted out what was happening, and in the best way possible. I had the most gorgeous man in the world as my boyfriend, and it wasn't just pretend any longer.

The next morning I woke to the alarm, and was greeted to a shy smile that I took the opportunity to kiss away. His hair was messed and his eyes still sleepy, but he was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I really could be happy just with this. My day got even better when we got to work and saw the papers. The place was buzzing because all the reviews were good. That was worth the hard work on its own, but it also meant we'd sell loads more tickets and probably get a longer run. Nothing could take the shine off the day, or the coming weeks.

I had Matt by my side through all of it and I couldn't believe my luck. Something awful had happened to me, but it had brought me the love of my life. Every morning started with us curled up together kissing, and every night ended the same. In between we both worked at a job we loved, and every day just seemed to get better. I'd got to the point of thinking nothing could get better, and then one night Matt sprang a surprise on me.

"My lease is up in a month, so I need to find somewhere else to live."

I looked at him surprised, because he actually seemed nervous. He wanted me to ask him.

"You're actually worried that I wouldn't want you to move in here? Matt, we barely spend a moment apart and I love it. I love you, and I want you to move in with me. In fact, we're off tomorrow, let's go get your stuff."

He started laughing. "Impatient, aren't you! I'll still be here even if I haven't moved everything."

"But why wait? To be honest, it was dumb of me not to suggest it earlier."

"We've only been together a month."

"So what? We've spent every day together for two months, and every moment of that has been amazing. I don't want you to go anywhere. It's up to you, I'm not pushing for this, but you really would be here anyway."

"Yeah, I know. I was just looking for some reassurance."

I moved to give him a huge hug. 

"I love you, you muppet. What more reassurance do you need?"

"I don't know. I just keep thinking that you're going to wake up and realise what you've got yourself into and not want it, not want me."

He looked so dejected I put my arms around him tighter and kissed him gently.

"Please Matt, you have to believe me, I want you and I love you. I'm not going to push you away because I'm not getting laid. That is not as important to me as you are."

"I want us to be able to do that though, I just can't seem to get past my hangups. I mean, I think about it, and I get hard when we kiss and touch, but I freeze up if I make a move towards your dick. I hate being like this, I love you and I want to be able to show that."

"You do show that, with every kiss and touch you give me. It's enough."

"Aren't you getting sick of wanking in the shower?"

I spluttered slightly, surprised it was quite so obvious and that he was commenting on it.

"No. I'm sorry about that, but sometimes I need a release. It doesn't matter that you aren't giving it to me."

"I wasn't judging. I jerk off in there as well, I just wish I was giving you that release, and that you could do the same for me."

"If and when you're ready, I will. If not, we carry on as we are," I shrugged. I'd really got no problem with any of this, which was possibly because I was a little screwed up as well, but it didn't matter if it worked for both of us.

The rest of the day Matt was quiet. I hoped that he wasn't still worrying about what he thought I wanted, but I didn't think it was going to help if I kept trying to persuade him I didn't want that. It was the first tense day we had had in a long while, and yet it had started out with us agreeing to move in together, which should have been a good thing. I was frustrated that he didn't understand me even after all the time we spent together and all I told him. 

It was time for bed before he really spoke to me again, not that he'd been ignoring me, but he'd been so deep in thought that I'd not got much out of him.

"I've been thinking..."

He tailed off so I took over.

"I know. Do I need to remind you that I love you."

He smiled. "I don't mind hearing it. But that's not what I was thinking about, I believe you. I just want something more for us. Before you say it, not because I think you are missing out and I have to for your sake, but I want it for me as well. I don't think I'll ever entirely get over what happened, but if I can never have sex again, then it's like I'll never be well. And I know I want you, I'm just not ready for everything just yet."

"So we wait until you are. I'm glad you think about it, that's a big step. And I do understand it, I didn't think I'd want anyone close after what Ben did, but here we are and I couldn't be happier."

"Okay, but what if I've been thinking of some things that might not scare me, some things I want to try."

My ears, and another part of me, pricked up.

"What things? If you want to try anything we can, we'll just go slow and can stop at any time."

He went all shy on me again, and I had to try and kiss it away. He kind of wriggled in my arms, making it clear he wanted to keep talking, so I let him move his head into my shoulder so he could do it without looking at me. He was so sweet when he got embarrassed.

"There's two things, but the first is a bit selfish, and the other is a bit weird."

"Selfish? That means you want me to do something for you but you're not ready to reciprocate? I would love to do anything that will make you feel good, and I guarantee I will enjoy it anyway. Tell me what you want baby."

I was tingling with anticipation of the chance to touch him, stroke him, whatever he wanted. It might mean another trip to the shower but it would be a small price to pay. He didn't answer though, still shy, so I put a finger under his chin to encourage him to tilt his head back so I could kiss him. He was blushed a beautiful shade of pink. I kissed him, making sure it was one of our deep drugging kisses that lasted for several minutes, and was going to turn him on enough that hopefully he would tell me. When I finally released him he actually whimpered.

"Oh god. Please, I want you to touch me, to touch this."

His final word was accompanied by his erection being thrust into my leg. That was a first. Not him being hard, but him deliberately making me aware of it. It felt good, and him asking me to do something with it, that was music to my ears. I kissed him again, softly, before making sure I knew exactly what he was expecting.

"Do you want me to stroke you, or suck you?" I asked softly into his ear. I knew my voice was deeper due to my need to do something, but I had to make sure I wasn't going to scare him. This would have to be done just right.

"Anything you want. I need you to make me come. Just don't go near my ass."

That was pretty much a given, but the chance to get to touch his cock had me hard and aching already. I'd never even seen it, aside from a bulge in his clothes. We were still laid on top of the covers, and I could see it now straining against the cotton covering it. I really wanted to see as well as touch.

"I won't. Can I take these off?" I asked, lightly touching the waistband of his bottoms.

"Okay," he murmured, but this one was less needy, and more nervous. He hadn't been naked in front of someone for a long time, and that he would trust me to do that made me just love him more.

I kissed away his nerves, rolling him onto his back but not covering his body with mine. I wanted to, but I also wanted him to know he could stop me at any time, so I was by his side, only leaning slightly over him so I could reach. My hand stroked over his smooth chest, taking the time to explore it, and running over his nipples which made him gasp. I'd have to see what my mouth on them was going to do to him. I pulled back from our kiss eventually, needing to move down his body, but having to say one final thing.

"If you want me to stop, any time, you only have to say," I whispered, praying he wouldn't.

It felt like I was shaking almost as much as he was as I started to make love to him. My mouth drifted down his neck after my words into his ear, and I kissed gently and trailed my tongue down his skin to his shoulder. I kissed over his throat and down onto his chest, noting his breathing was getting fast but it was not panic, it was need. My first quick lick over one nipple had him moaning, so I settled in, licking and sucking but resisting the urge to bite, as I rolled the other with my finger. It didn't take much of that for him to start begging me to move, to touch him, but I still took my time. I slid my tongue across his tight stomach, tracing the hollows between the muscles and spending a little time tongue fucking his belly button.

He was panting and moaning and it was the most incredible sight. I'd got him into this state, and it could only get better. I knew he wanted to come, and I was looking forward to drinking his seed, but I couldn't stop myself from playing with him now that I had access. I was nearly at the main attraction though, and a quick glance down drew my attention. He was obviously very hard, and there was a substantial wet patch where the head was trying to break through the cotton. I mouthed it gently and he almost screamed with pleasure.

I had to lift myself up then so I could remove the clothes that were in my way. His dick leapt out of its confines, but I took the time to remove the trousers totally, needing to see all of him. His legs were just as defined as the rest of him, with only a light covering of hair. Perhaps more than was obvious because all his body hair was light. His pubes were darker, trimmed neatly, and formed a springy mattress around the hard and leaking pole on display. I just looked for a moment, savouring the intimate view I had of him. He wasn't excessively long or thick, maybe seven inches, but nicely rounded and perfectly formed. I didn't know why, but I fell in love with his cock too.

That decided, I had to taste him properly. I licked up some of the precum on the tip and it made my mouth water with wanting more. I became rather more frantic then, spurred on by his moans of 'please' and 'fuck' and my name said with such desire. I took him all into my mouth and throat, massaging the head with my muscles and drooling down the length as my tongue worked around his shaft. Then I pulled back for a bit, gently jacking him as I caressed his head with my tongue, working it into his slit for a while before trailing it around the edge where his foreskin had pulled back. 

The feel of his hard cock in my mouth, the taste of him, and the frantic moans and cries I could hear were having quite an effect on me too. I couldn't touch myself as I had one hand on his cock and the other placed to help hold me up, so I started to hump at the mattress to get some relief from the ache at my groin. I needed to come too, even if he couldn't help me. My efforts on his cock increased and I was bobbing on him, keeping my lips tight so I gave some suction as I lifted up, but never letting him free from my mouth where I wanted him to be.

I felt him getting harder and knew it was nearly time. I didn't want it to end, but somehow I felt sure he would want this again. My hips moved faster, grinding my erection down into the bed even though I wasn't sure it would be enough. His back arched off the bed and he really did scream this time, the sound seeming to go on for ages as his cum flooded my mouth. I swallowed quickly, surprised at how much he was giving me but loving it, and one final thrust into the bed had me following him, pumping my seed into the material. I held it together somehow so I could take the last of his spurts and clean him up gently as he started to soften. Shit, that had been the best sex I'd ever had, and he hadn't even touched me.

His hands moved me away after a few moments. I might not have stopped licking him otherwise, because I couldn't get enough of his flavour or the feel of his cock. I moved up the bed so I could gather him to me and he surprised me with a passionate kiss thanking me. When he finally let me go, although not very far, I started to giggle slightly.

"You're welcome," I told him.

"That was incredible," he whispered, his eyes showing a beautiful afterglow that made me want to try and do it again, right now even though we were both spent.

"I agree."

"Now, about my other idea..." he began, with a sexy grin. "Don't you need a shower now?"

Even with the look in his eyes and the teasing smile, it took me a moment to get what he was saying, and it surprised me again.

"You want to watch me in the shower?"

"Yes. I know it sounds a bit odd, but I don't want any surprises if... no, when, I do something for you."

He wanted to watch me masturbate. It didn't sound odd, it sounded both sensible for him and a turn on for me, if the fact my cock had started filling again was any indication.

"Not odd. And that would be great. Tomorrow night, okay?"

He looked kind of disappointed, expecting me to need to go sort myself out right now. My mind warred between telling him what had happened, and possibly upsetting him that I'd not been able to control myself, or not telling him and having him think I wasn't turned on by what we had just done. Tell him won out as his face continued to fall.

"I already came baby, I don't think I could get it up again right now no matter how sexy your idea is. I promise you can watch me tomorrow."

"How? When?"

I actually blushed. He didn't sound upset though, just interested.

"Sucking you really turned me on, and I was kind of humping at the bed because of all the cute sounds you made. Then when you came, I did too."

He glanced down my body and saw the proof, my trousers were soaked, and he grinned at me.

"It was really that good for you?"

"The wet patch doesn't lie!"

"I guess I can wait until tomorrow," he said, pouting slightly as if put out, but the way his eyes were twinkling as he said it made me not believe him. He thought it was hot that I'd come like that. I was glad he didn't mind, and I liked the idea of stroking myself with him watching my every move. I wasn't an exhibitionist, but having my lover watch was a hot idea. I wondered how many more of them he would start to have now that his sexuality was waking up. 

If we never got to it I wouldn't care, but one of these days I'd like to think he'd feel able to fuck me. Ben was a total bottom and I'd missed having a cock in me. Matt's would be just perfect for it, large enough to make it feel great, but not so big that it would be difficult to take. Even without his issues, he'd probably not want to take me once he saw what I was packing. I lay there thinking about him making love to me, hard and fast, and started to wonder if I would need that shower after all. I was broken out of my fantasy when Matt spoke.

"What are you thinking about?"

His eyes were on my crotch, so he'd definitely noticed that I had grown hard while I was letting my imagination run away with me.

I went red, and could only mumble. "Sorry."

"I don't mind you getting hard... Oh... that apology means you were thinking about something you reckon I won't want to do." He went silent for a moment, and I just stayed looking embarrassed and trying to will my erection down. His next question was very quiet. "Were you thinking about fucking me?"




Dancing Ch. 04



"No," I managed to get out. "more the other way around."

"Really?" he asked, surprise and disbelief clear from his tone.

"Yes, really. I didn't mean to, my mind just ran away from me for a moment. I was just thinking about how beautiful your cock is, and then I started thinking it would feel perfect inside me. I am sorry."

He seemed to be thinking that over for some time, and I hoped he wasn't too concerned about it. When he did start speaking it was more like confusion that came across.

"Why would you want that?" He sounded genuinely puzzled.

I decided to be honest with him and hope this didn't scare him away.

"Because it would feel good. It's something I've enjoyed in the past but not for a very long time, and I know I would love it even more with you because it would be making love not fucking. I'm not asking you to do it, you know, so don't worry."

"I just hadn't thought about it, you wanting me that way. No-one ever offered me their ass, they always wanted mine. I'm not sure I could do it, I'd be too afraid of hurting you."

"You wouldn't hurt me. But to repeat, I am not asking you, it was just an idle thought my mind ran off with. We don't ever have to do it."

"I'll think about it. I want to be able to do things that you'd enjoy too, at some point. It's just hard for me to let myself go like that."

"You don't have to keep pushing yourself just to keep me happy. I am happy, and tonight you've made me very happy. Although, I do need to change my clothes!"

I went to get another pair of bottoms out of my drawer, not wanting to sleep in clothes that were wet and sticky now and would be crusty by morning. When I went to leave the room with them, Matt stopped me.

"You can change here. I still want to see you, even if you aren't hard."

I hadn't been, entirely, but his request and his shy look when he first asked had me standing back to attention pretty quickly. It wasn't sure he was ready for this, but the burning look he was giving me now made me decide it was something he'd have to see sooner or later. I guessed seeing a hard dick in reality was another big step forward for him, but right now I was more nervous than he was. I swallowed hard.

"You know, maybe I should take that shower anyway."

Buy me some time, and perhaps I could calm myself a little. Him bounding out of the bed totally naked put paid to that idea. He really wanted to do this. I knew I was shaking slightly as he followed me, and I could almost feel his eyes on my body. I'd never felt nervous naked before now, but somehow this situation was making me feel it. I couldn't even look back at him as I turned the shower on and dropped my trousers.

There was a low whistle, and Matt's voice echoed in the room.

"Nice ass."

My head shot round, slightly blushing.

"You're not helping."

"You're nervous?" he asked, surprised, then realising what my problem was. "You think you're going to freak me out. I'm ready, honestly, I want to see you. And if you're thinking I'm going to run screaming when I see the size of you, I'm ready for that too. It's not like I haven't felt it against me, I know you're big."

He said that now, but it was a bit different actually seeing it. I was more than two inches longer than him fully erect, and thicker too. Before Ben no-one had let me take them, but he loved being pounded by a huge cock and never wanted to fuck me. I stepped into the shower, still keeping my back to Matt while I got the spray on me. It was slightly cooler than I liked, but I thought it might help me. However, I and my cock were acutely aware that Matt was watching my every move. Then, somehow, he started a commentary that made sure I couldn't resist.

"You look gorgeous. All that toned muscle covered in fur, it's much better than a teddy bear, and all mine. You have no idea what the sight of you does to me or how much I want to see you come. You cheated earlier, you know. I want to see that giant cock of yours hard and aching as you stroke it until you shoot. I want to see your face show your pleasure when you come for me."

I was groaning at his words, softly spoken and revealing his need, plus when he claimed me as his it went through my body as a shudder of pleasure. I had my cock in my hand already by the time he told me he wanted to see me stroking it, and I turned to let him see, losing my nerves. I could only stroke harder when I saw he was also erect and stroking himself gently, his eyes on my body. They flicked down as soon as I turned, but he didn't seem afraid, there was just a smile growing on his face.

"Wow. That is impressive," he said, eyes twinkling as they just kept watching my hand moving over it. Since my eyes became glued on his matching movements, I had no idea from then on what his expression showed, but he seemed to be very happy looking at me if the erection he was caressing was any indication.

Despite the fact I had come only a few minutes before, the effect of his words and watching at him pleasuring himself were already starting to make me wonder how long I could last. His soft moans were drowned out by my much louder ones, the room echoing with the sounds of our solo and mutual enjoyment. The memory of having his beautiful dick in my mouth suddenly came back to me, and that was it.

I shot my load across the room towards him. I couldn't have reached him even fully charged, but my cock certainly tried. I stood on shaky legs, my eyes still glued to his movements, and a moment later he groaned loudly, his cock spurting in my direction. I would have liked another taste, but I was leaning against the wall for support and couldn't move fast enough. Our releases lay in drops on the floor and I carefully stepped around it to reach my gorgeous angel.

His legs parted to let me get close and I got him into my arms, feeling him wrap himself around me. Our cocks met, both twitching at the contact even though we were spent. I felt the remnants of our releases between us and as sexy as that felt, it wasn't going to be very nice once it dried, so I picked him up and carried him to the shower with me. Matt started to giggle when he realised what I was doing, and to my immense relief, he didn't seem concerned that I had his ass firmly in my hands or that my cock was now dangling between his legs, semi-erect already. He trusted his big teddy bear and I couldn't be happier.

* * * * * * 

For the first time we slept together naked, and when I woke our morning erections were pressed together as closely as the rest of us. The realisation made me moan, and that caused Matt to wake too, even though it was still early and our alarm hadn't gone off. Our eyes met and his seemed to go wide when he felt what I was already feeling. He didn't back away from me though, a smile started to spread across his face, and he started to wriggle against me, making the pair of us moan.

"Don't tease," I told him, not very convincingly as I was enjoying this just as much as he apparently was.

"Who's teasing? I just had a good idea," he replied, a cheeky grin now spreading across his face.

I didn't get chance to think of a good reply, he was on top of me a moment later, forcing me to roll onto my back. Then he started to grind against me with purpose and I was lost in the sensations of our cocks rubbing together and his lithe body sliding against mine. When he kissed me as well I went into overdrive, possessing his mouth far more aggressively than I had ever done before.

My mind was a whirl of emotions and my body so highly sensitised by being against his that it didn't seem long, or certainly not long enough, before I cried out, feeling my cock throb and spurt between us. His breathy moan of my name came only a couple of seconds later with his release, the warmth and stickiness spreading between us and mixing together to mark us both. 

It took a while for me to come back down to earth, or at least it felt that way. I had no idea what actually being with him would feel like, and one blowjob last night seemed to have broken down a hell of a lot of his barriers. That had been incredible, and he was amazing. I let my love shine in my eyes when I could open them again, and moaned again at the sight of him in the afterglow. He was just too cute for words.

"You were right, that was a good idea!"

He giggled, and I felt it through my body as well.

"That was mind blowing. Probably the best idea I've ever had. Remind me to ravish you more often."

I raised one eyebrow in question. "Are you really going to need reminding how good that feels?"

"Hell yes. Lots and lots of times!" he replied grinning.

I laughed with him for a little while, then started to kiss him again since that was one of my favourite things to do when I woke up. After the frantic bump and grind I might have a new favourite though. I reluctantly stopped when the alarm went off, knowing we had to go to work, and I could tell from his face he was thinking pretty much the same as me -- he didn't want to stop.

"We have to get cleaned up baby, I don't think we can go in stuck together and naked like this. We can play again later, if you want to."

"Why wouldn't I? That was great, last night was great, I'm so happy right now I want to give it another go right this second!"

He wasn't entirely joking, there was a noticeable hardness pressing into me. I was concerned about his sudden rush of sexuality, even though I wasn't quite sure why I should be complaining.

"Just so long as you're doing this for the right reasons. I need to know that you aren't doing this for me because you're still worried I'll leave if you don't."

He looked kind of uncertain. "Please stop worrying about me. I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it because of you." He pulled a face. "That didn't make sense... I want you, so badly I can't stop myself. I'm still nervous, but I want to be with you in every way I can even if it scares me a little. I trust you, you're the only man I've ever wanted like this, and that includes before. Every day we spend together makes me forget a little more of the bad things that happened to me. Yes, I am afraid that you'll leave me, but only because I can't believe I've been so lucky as to find you in the first place. I still don't quite believe I deserve you, even though I know that is crazy."

I kissed him hard before I answered, moved beyond words at what he was saying to me.

"You deserve far more than me you know. It's me who's been lucky, and I know it. You are gorgeous, kind, funny, talented, sexy... I could go on forever. You need to start believing in yourself, and I know that is difficult. I was convinced that what happened to me was my fault for a long time, and for a long time after that I didn't let anyone close. You broke down my barriers too, made me start thinking of being with someone real, and I've never wanted anyone more than you, even though I thought it could never happen. I'm not going to leave you, you're my forever, til we are old and grey, or bald if that happens first."

I hoped he'd be as happy at what I'd said as I was to hear his declarations. I thought he'd smile at the grey and bald bit. I expected the kiss he gave me, which made my toes curl and my cock spring back to full attention. In a million years I'd never have imagined him saying what he did when he finally pulled back from our kiss.

"Marry me?"

"What?"

"You heard. Like you said, forever until we are old and grey, so I'm asking you to marry me."

I was lost for words, complete disbelief shutting my brain down and clearly showing on my face as he looked down at me expecting some kind of answer. One word, three little letters, but I couldn't seem to form it. I shocked him as I rolled us over, pressing him into the mattress with my body and kissing him senseless until I could speak again.

"Yes," I murmured breathlessly. "God, yes, I'll marry you."

"For a moment there I though you were going to freak out, not say yes," he replied, obviously relieved.

"I was too surprised to speak love. I never thought you'd ask me, I figured it would be me, and I was still too worried you would say no."

"I wouldn't have, but I'm glad I got up the courage. I'm also glad about this," he said wriggling under me.

I thought he meant the fact we were both hard for a moment, but then I realised what he meant as he put his arms around me.

"You're not worried about me being on top of you like this."

He smiled up at me. "No, I'm loving it. I can't move, but I really don't want to."

He ended his sentence with such a sexy grin and look I would have started to work my way down his body to make love to him if the alarm hadn't gone off again, louder and more annoying this time.

"Damn, I'll have to hold that thought until this evening," I said, rolling off him to a moan of disappointment.

"I look forward to it. Can't we just call in sick? I seem to have some kind of circulation problem..." he tailed off, looking down at his hard cock and smiling at me.

"As tempting as that is, no we can't. It would be unprofessional, and on top of that we have the same understudy. I can't see how he could play two parts at once, can you?"

"Would be funny when he had to snog himself though!"

I laughed as I stood up, my legs slightly shaky. "Come on my angel. I'll help wash you down if you get out of bed now. Otherwise you'll have to shower alone."

My laughter only got harder when he jumped out of bed to follow me, clearly as keen on that idea as I was, and we both enjoyed washing the other even if we didn't have nearly long enough. Another thing we would have to try again later.

* * * * * * 

On our way to work Matt filled me in on the rest of his plan. It seemed he had spent far longer thinking about this than I could have imagined, and it certainly wasn't spur of the moment, it was just that it seemed to him a perfect moment to ask. We spent the following weeks planning the wedding in secret, not from our families, but from our colleagues. It wasn't as though they didn't think we were already sickeningly in love, so they didn't notice we were even more happy than usual.

The last day of the plays run we had a matinee and an evening performance. There was a rumour that since we were still packing out every night there would be another run in a larger venue to come, but we were all treating it as the last night anyway. The writer and director had arranged for drinks and dancing at a nearby plush hotel after the evening performance. Matt had arranged for a meal in between the two performances for everyone as a thank you for the support they had given both of us.

It was only when the two of us entered arm in arm, probably grinning like madmen, and the Registrar started to speak that they realised they were also here for our wedding. I heard a few sounds of surprise, but to be honest the only thing I could focus on was Matt, who seemed to be glowing with happiness. It didn't help me concentrate that we had agreed to wear our stage outfits to the ceremony. Mine was quite a smart shirt and trousers, but his was the tiny little waistcoat and bare chest that drove me wild every time I looked at him, and I was fairly sure he knew it.

The cheers and clapping when we were finally declared partners were better than any ovation we received in the theatre, and the kiss we gave each other was a lot more passionate than any we had ever done on stage, even if it was toned down from what we would have done in private. Afterwards it was just a whirlwind of congratulations from everyone there, and Matt and I introducing each other to family and old friends who had made it down despite the short notice.

We ended up with so much to do in so short a time that by the time I kissed Matt during the final performance it was only the second proper kiss we'd had since we got married, and I made far more of it than I normally would. The sparkle in his eyes when we drew away from each other promised a lot more later, and I barely made it through the rest of the show with my mind on my new husband.

As we all took our bows at the end, I grasped his hand tight and smiled at him, knowing we were at least one step closer to being alone and doing some of the things that were racing round my head, probably his too. The director came on stage to thank us all, and I could barely pay attention to what he was saying when I had my love beside me.

"It falls to me to say a few words, as this is our last performance. Thank you to all the cast and crew for your hard work and making this such a success. I have good news for everyone, in that we have another venue lined up and will be performing this play again in the very near future." 

I know we all looked surprised, not knowing it was all agreed, but I certainly had no problem with doing more shows as I loved this play and it meant a lot to me now as it had led me to Matt.

"I think I should also say, that despite the underhand tactics used to get us there," he continued, grinning, "all of us would like to say congratulations to Aaron and Matt, who got married earlier today. Come and take another bow guys."

I know I was bright red when he started to tell everyone, and worse when he indicated we step forward, but Matt was dragging me anyway, clearly less embarrassed by this than I was. As we took another bow the audience clapped hard, and I grinned at Matt. I would have probably stopped blushing if the director hadn't continued.

"We'd also like to say, that although we know it is your wedding night, you will be expected at the aftershow party, at least for a little while, and we thought it would be nice for you to have one more moment on stage to get you both back for not telling us about the wedding until we were there. So if the audience don't mind, we will have a repeat of the scene that brought you two together."

When Matt and I stopped being shocked at the mention of our wedding night in front of hundreds of people, the director was gone, the lighting had been changed, and the only people still on stage were the guys who did the dance routine with us, all waiting in place. Matt looked at the horror showing on my face and laughed.

"Come on, you can do this. I know you can dance now, and it is kind of fitting. We should have known they wouldn't let this slide without embarrassing us somehow. Later you can show me your fantastic rhythm in private," he whispered, grinning.

The music struck up as soon as we assumed our starting positions, and I managed to move fairly gracefully through the routine. I still wasn't anywhere near as good as the other guys, but I didn't care. I was a lot better than when I started, and I had the best teacher in the world, who was now mine forever even if I couldn't dance.

I got him back for his teasing when I insisted on a proper and passionate kiss at the end of the routine, forgetting about the audience and the cast. I pulled his body right into mine and explored his mouth fully, even grabbing his ass while I did it. After a moment of surprise, he just did the same back to me, until we both came back to reality to the whoops and catcalls from the cast by us and a good portion of the audience as well. Beyond shame now we took another few bows, before running off stage, hand in hand and grinning broadly, as the curtain dropped.

The after party was slow and not as much fun as it should have been. Aside from letting Matt and I have a first dance, which was a slow one and almost more frustrating than us not being together, they almost seemed to have conspired to keep us apart. I had an awareness of where he was in the room, and I caught his eye often, his expression showing his frustration that matched my own.

It was probably a good two hours before we both found ourselves alone at the same time, and before we could be grabbed and brought into more conversations about the next run of the show or have family asking us more about how we got together and telling us how wonderful it was, we both headed for the door. Matt surprised me again by telling me he had booked us a room upstairs, and we made it to the lift without anyone catching up to us.




Dancing Ch. 04



Finally alone, we held each other tight in the lift, not wanting the other to get away but also not wanting to take it too far there. We both knew what was going to happen when we got behind closed doors and the anticipation fuelled our desire for each other, even if it also built the nerves a little. Tonight was about us both, but he was going to take the final step with me, sure it was what he wanted, and I knew it had to be just perfect.

We took a leisurely shower together, then sat naked drinking champagne and toasting our love and being together forever. Each time I saw a flicker of nerves on his face I kissed it away, and before long we moved to the bed, pleasuring each other with soft touches as we kissed passionately. Both hard and aching since we had entered the room, eventually he made the first move and treated me to an amazing blowjob, lathing and loving my cock until it erupted for him. It had been another good surprise the first time he had done it to me, better still that he was very talented at it.

Recovering, it was my turn to play with him. I turned him over, treating him to some of the play that we had started to get used to, running my tongue around and into his hole, sliding my finger inside until I could hit that spot that had him crying out my name, sucking him until he came while I worked him open further and further. Tonight there was purpose in this, and I took a long time, driving him wild so he started to beg me and keeping it going long after that, determined to make this the end of a day of his happiest ever memories.

I moved into position on top of him, face to face so we could see everything that the other felt. He didn't flinch even when the head of my cock rested against his entrance, he just drew in a breath, waiting for me to join with him.

"Are you ready?" I asked.

"I've never been more ready for anything. I want to make love with my husband, right now," he told me.

He still looked like some kind of angel to me, blond hair spread across the pillow, bright blue eyes looking up at me with love and desire, and his gorgeous lips open and waiting for my kisses. I was shaking with desire myself as I pressed forward, feeling the heat of him as I slid very slowly inside his body. He gasped as I went past the tighter ring of muscles, but sighed deeply when I kept going. I let out a long moan of pleasure as I felt his tight warmth almost welcoming me, feeling so perfect.

"Oh god," he gasped as I settled fully inside. "That feels so full, but so good. Fuck me, please."

Every move I made had an obvious effect on him, and he was loving it. His hips moved to meet me on every slow slide and sped up when I did to push in harder and faster. The sounds coming from him were like music to my ears, pure pleasure, and I tried hard to make this last even though I felt my balls rising and my cock getting impossibly hard. Neither of us had touched his, but it too was stiff as a board and I could tell he was also struggling to hold back the impending orgasm. I thrust in hard, three sharp jabs, and that was the end of both of us, me filling him with my seed while his spread between us. 

We traded soft kisses while recovering, me still on top of him and inside him until my cock softened too much and he whimpered as it slid out. I opened my eyes to look at him then, moaning at the beautiful sight of my angel sated and happy, seemingly more than he had ever been before.

"Thank you," we said, almost at the same moment.

"Perfect end to the perfect day," I told him.

"I agree. But you know what's just as perfect?"

I shook my head.

"Knowing that when we wake up tomorrow we can do this again."

"And every day after that love, until we are old and grey."

* * * * * *