2 comments/ 19009 views/ 10 favorites Couples Counseling - Ch. 01 By: Cyanlot "I just don't understand. I do everything I can to try to please him." I stammered, "I just don't understand..." I could tell I was about to lose it. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and hear my voice beginning to quiver. "That's okay," said Dr. Kim calmly, "take your time." The calm gentleness of her voice helped me regain my composure. "It's just that ... well, I don't know. It's just that I feel as if I've done everything I can for him." I sniffed; my tearing up had made my nose run. "I mean, really, what more could I do? And then to have him treat me like he does?! I just don't know what to do." "I can see how you feel," again with that calming voice, so perfect for a therapist. I wondered whether she had always been able to put people at ease with just a few words or if this was a professional trick she'd picked up. "Maybe, though, it would be helpful for you to tell me more about how your relationship with Gary began and how it's changed over time. Obviously it wasn't like this in the beginning or you never would have kept seeing him." "No, it wasn't like this in the beginning." I paused as I tried to organize my thoughts. "Well, I guess there are really two beginnings, but neither of them were like this. He's always been the one who had to be in the driver's seat. I never minded that. It's part of what attracted me to him. I've never minded that he's dominating and forceful when we're intimate. I really like that. It's just the abuse that I can't put up with anymore." "Okay, but take me back to the beginning." She said it calmly, but I wouldn't have blamed her for being a little irritated. I'd lost focus again and drifted back to talking about our present problems. "So, there's not much to say about our "first beginning". Gary and his wife, Claire, moved into the house directly behind me. about two years ago. We'd wave when we saw each other out and sometimes we'd chat if we were both out working in the yard." Talking about this drew me away from my present problems and I could feel myself getting control of my emotions. I wondered whether Dr. Kim really needed to know Gary's and my history or whether this was just a way of helping me regain my composure. "After some months, we started hanging out more. They'd invite me over if they were barbequing in the back yard, and I'd do the same. It was always just the three of us, but I never felt uncomfortable. It was just a neighborly threesome." "Gary and I started watching sports together. It was more fun to watch with someone and it was always so easy, one of us just walked through the backyard to the other's house and we watched together. Usually he came to my house. That made more sense since there was no one else in my house to disturb." "That's about all there is to say about the first beginning." I paused. "The second beginning was about a year after I'd first met Gary. He was coming over to my house pretty regularly. He could see my TV from his kitchen window and, if I was watching a game and he wanted to get out of the house, he'd come over with a six-pack and knock on the back door - well, eventually, he began just letting himself in. I didn't mind. I liked the company - not just having someone to watch game with but I liked Gary. More and more as time went on." "One weekend when Claire was out of town, Gary and I were doing a football marathon - binge-watching college football. Gary and Claire were having some problems and, when we weren't talking about the game, Gary kept coming back to his complaints about Claire." "It was kind of irritating, really. I've been a single guy all my life. It's not just that I haven't been married; I haven't even had a really serious, long-term girlfriend. I mean, I've dated and everything, but haven't been in even a quasi-marital relationship. I get it that married people have their complaints against each other but ... God, can they be tedious talking about it!" "We'd been drinking pretty heavily and, so, I'm a little fuzzy on the details. The drink had no doubt made Gary a little freer with his complaints and it probably made me less able to steer the conversation back to football - or, really, anything else." "So, I heard lots of petty complaints about Claire. Frankly, some of the time he was talking, I wasn't really listening. I sort of went into an observer mode where I just watched Gary's mouth move, being careful to mutter something that sounded supportive at relevant times." "Gary's an attractive guy and I was focusing on this fact more than I'd ever done in the past. I'm not sure why. I find some men attractive but I don't usually think about it much. Maybe the boredom of listening to his repeated incredibly minor grievances against Claire drove me to this as an escape." "When Gary started griping about how long it'd been since Claire had given him a blowjob - complete with the old joke about the difference between a wife and a Hoover - I had the strangest experience of my life." "What was that?" "I said something like, 'Oh, come on, Gary... You're an attractive guy. You can get your cock sucked any time you want. You can get it sucked right now.' And I put my hand on the inside of his thigh." "Gary was obviously gobsmacked. But no more so than me. What the hell was I doing? I'd never done anything like this before. My head was swirling. 'How do you back out of something like this?' I wondered. It's not like I could claim he misunderstood my meaning. I'd said that he could get his cock sucked right now and I'd put my hand just millimeters from his cock. No, there was no walking this back." "Gary recovered before I did and his response spared me having to find an exit strategy. Apparently, after a moment's stunned silence, Gary decided that he didn't want me to find an exit strategy. His arm, which had been on the back of the couch, moved behind me, his hand rested on the back of my neck, and I felt the insistent pressure of him pushing my head down toward his lap." "He wasn't forcing me. I could have shaken his grip and moved my head away. But, then, what would I say? That path would require me to walk back what couldn't be walked back. So I yielded to his pressure and soon my head was pressed against the crotch of his sweat pants." "The cloth was soft, almost fleece-like, but underneath something hard was beginning to stir. I could feel Gary's cock rising." "When I was a pre-teen, I'd played some grab-ass games with other guys at sleep-overs. As a young teen, I'd done a few circle jerks and all of the guys involved wound up, on dares, touching other guys' dicks. But I'd never touched a guy's cock with my mouth and I'd never even touched another guy's cock with my hand since those early days." "I was going to now, though. I could see that this was inevitable. The train had already left the station and I could see the tracks it was headed down." "So that's when I gave my first blowjob and it marks the second beginning of my relationship with Gary." I was prepared to move on to talk about how the relationship progressed but Dr. Kim pressed me to talk about that first day, and how it made me feel. I wasn't quite sure what the therapeutic value was of recounting such details - maybe Dr. Kim was taking some salacious delight in this. But, she was the doctor and, so, I filled in the details. "Gary guided me from the couch to the floor between his legs. As I positioned myself, Gary raised up and pushed his sweat pants and boxers down and off his legs completely. Now that I was face-to-cock, I felt a huge lump in my throat and was seriously considering backing out of the whole thing no matter how awkward that would be now." "But Gary's hands were on the sides of my head - again, not forcing anything but certainly encouraging it. And I found my lips drawn every closer to his now proudly erect cock." "I don't know if you know what it feels like to suck a man's cock," I said without thinking that, as a woman, Dr. Kim almost certainly did. She smiled, silently confirming that she did, and urged me on. "Well, maybe it feels different when your emotions are all roiled up because you're a guy who never thought of himself as gay whose now on his knees looking at a quickly hardening cock and knowing that in seconds that cock was going to fill his mouth." "Probably," Dr. Kim said noncommittally. "Gary was insistent and, though I could have pulled away, I didn't. I yielded. I felt a quiver of revulsion as my lips touched the tip of his no hard cock. But I also felt an unexpected excitement." I paused to take a drink of water before continuing to tell the story. "I mean, I'd thought about what it would be like to suck a cock. I'll bet every guy - gay or straight, tolerant or homophobic, or whatever - has thought about that. It wasn't like a fantasy I was compelled to replay in my mind or anything. I'd just wondered what it would feel like. Now, I was about to find out." "As Gary's cock pressed between my lips, I heard him moan with pleasure. That moan transformed the experience for me. I suddenly felt an incredible sense of power. I controlled Gary's sensations; I controlled his pleasure. I had the power to cause him intense pleasure. It was a heady feeling." As I heard the words come out of my mouth, I winced. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make a bad pun." "That's okay. Go on." "Well, there's not that much to tell. I mean, any guy knows what feels good in a blow job. I worked Gary's cock with my mouth and tongue, pulling off when I was choking or my jaw got too sore, to lick his shaft or balls. I cupped his balls in one hand and used the other to grip him tightly around the base of his cock. That way I could jack him off while I sucked the head of his cock." "As Gary worked toward an orgasm, I became more and more excited. It was strange: he was the one getting his cock sucked; he was the one climbing the incline to an orgasm; but I was getting at least as tightly wound up as Gary was." "When he finally exploded in my mouth, I felt an incredibly rush of pleasure and satisfaction. I guess whatever happened wasn't an orgasm; I didn't cum or anything. But a wave of pleasure swept through me as Gary filled my mouth with his spunk." "So, you enjoyed this," Dr. Kim said. "Yeah, as it turned out, I enjoyed it a lot. Later on, when I thought back on it, I was sometimes tortured by the memory - not so much about the fact that I'd sucked Gary off (though I sometimes thought that was bad enough), but mainly by the thought of how wonderful it had felt to me. It's not an easy thing for a straight guy - at least a guy who had always thought of himself as straight - to wrap his head around." I winced again. "Sorry, another bad pun, I guess." "So, Rick ... how do you feel about it now? Do you still feel tortured by it?" "Oh, no!" I said emphatically. "I'm way past that." "It was hard for a while but, finally I came to grips with it. Really, what helped was a conscious decision not to sit back and judge myself for what I'd done, or what I'd felt. I decided to just accept it and go forward." "That's wise, Rick. So long as you're not hurting anyone, you need to scale back on the self-criticism. It's healthy to just let yourself discover your feelings without constantly evaluating yourself." "Well, if I hadn't accepted what I'd done and my feelings about it, the relationship would never have developed the way it did." "Tell me more about how it developed." "I think the way Gary handled this incident was the key to why I could handle it at all," I started. "Right from the start, he put me at ease." "How?" "Well, like I said, that first time I blew Gary, I was incredibly excited. I was completely in the moment. There was no part of my consciousness that was standing back from what I was doing and judging me." I took another drink, pausing while I thought about how to describe this. "When he'd finished, there I was, on my knees between his thighs, his softening cock in my mouth, and my mouth filled with the taste of his cum. My frenzy had passed with his. Now what was I to do? Somehow the scene had to continue, and I didn't know how." "I pulled off his cock and, unable to look up and meet his possibly judgmental gaze, I just looked as his slick, shiny dick and found myself beginning to slip into self-loathing. Gary pulled himself up, moving back away from me and said, in such a casual, nonchalant tone, something like, 'Hey, let's get another beer and get back to the game.'" "He got up, pulling up his pants as he did, to get the beers. This probably took some effort on his part. I know all I want to do after I've blown my load is slip into a stupor. But it gave me a chance to straighten up and regain my composure. When he got back with the beers, he acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. We were just two guys watching football over a few beers." "And that made it easier for you?" Dr. Kim asked. "Yeah ... completely. It was like the door had shut on that incident. It hadn't changed me, or Gary, or the way we related. It was surprising, there was no outward awkwardness and that put me at ease." I took another drink of water. Now that Dr. Kim had gotten me thinking back to my first time with Gary, I was reminded of the feelings I'd had early on. They were good ones. Not surprisingly, I'd felt some turmoil at the time, but in retrospect I suspected that this had served to intensify the pleasures I'd experienced. Recalling these incidents and the feelings they'd evoked made me feel better. "How did you react after Gary had left - when the TV was off and you were alone with your thoughts?" "That was kind of weird, too. Or maybe not. I don't know what's 'normal' in a situation like that. First time, you know," I smiled at Dr. Kim and she smiled back encouragingly. "Gary was completely nonchalant as he left. He said something like, 'Good game. Let's do it again sometime.' In context, it was suggestive - more than suggestive, I guess - but it was said so casually that I responded immediately and without thinking, 'Yeah, great.'" "After he'd left, while I was cleaning up a little, I found myself replaying in my mind what I'd done. I didn't beat myself up over it or anything. I was just turning it over in my mind. I found, as I recalled the various aspects of my experience - the sight of Gary's hard cock, the feeling of being on my knees immediately in front of that hard cock, the feel of it in my hands and then my mouth, the scent and taste of his cock, and the taste of his cum as he blasted it into my mouth. I was flooded with a kaleidoscope of different sensual memories." "And then," I paused, thinking about how to say this to Dr. Kim. "And then I went into my bedroom and had one of the most intense jack-off sessions of my life. The images and feelings that were flooding my consciousness took me to an orgasm quickly and kept me in the intense throes of my orgasm for a long time." "So, all in all, this wasn't a bad experience?" "No ... surprisingly. Like I said, there were moments of turmoil and self-doubt, but all in all it was a good experience, which is why it became a regular part of Gary's and my get-togethers." "So, you did this pretty regularly? You became gay lovers?" "I wouldn't say that. We didn't become gay lovers. I sucked Gary's cock - regularly - really, practically every time we were safely alone together for long enough. It didn't have to be watching a game or something like that." "Sometimes Gary would come over to borrow something, a tool or some gas for his lawnmower - probably often a mere pretext, I'm sure - I didn't mind. He never had to say anything. There was this moment of silence when he looked at me in a way I can't exactly describe and I knew what he wanted - like it was ever really in doubt, of course. Then I'd sink to my knees or he'd lie down on the couch or bed, wherever we were, so that I could kneel over him and I'd suck him off." "And you don't count that as becoming gay lovers?" Dr. Kim prodded. "Well, first, for a long time, there was nothing but blow jobs. Nothing more! We didn't hug or kiss and there was no other kind of sex. And, second, there was never any reciprocity." "Gary never performed oral sex on you?" Her description seemed needlessly clinical to me. "Never." "So, the sex was all one direction?" "Sometimes, when we had plenty of time together and I was giving him a long, slow blow job on the bed or couch, he'd reach in my pants and stroke my cock. I think at first he wasn't trying to get me off or anything. I think he enjoyed feeling how aroused I got from sucking him off. But sometimes he'd jack me off enough while I was sucking him that I'd cum from it." "And that was enough for you?" Dr. Kim's tone conveyed a bit of surprise, which wasn't surprising, I guess. "I suppose it's strange but, yes, it was enough. I was having intense jack off sessions throughout this time, fueled by the images of servicing Gary, so it wasn't as if I felt deprived of sexual pleasure. I wasn't dating much - well, really, at all - then, but I found the contact with Gary to satisfy my need for connecting physically with another human being. So, yeah, this was enough for me. At least for a while. Eventually, I guess it wasn't enough for either me or Gary." "So, tell me about that," Dr. Kim urged. "Why did your relationship change?" "I don't really know what Gary thought about our relationship for most of what I can call the 'sucking phase'. We never talked about things like that - sort of a silent agreement, I guess, maybe because each of us feared that talking about it might ruin something that we were both finding valuable." "I could imagine a guy in his position feeling powerful and gloating about it: 'I've got a guy who will suck me off anytime I want to.' But he never acted like that at all. I could imagine someone who had fears of 'being gay' spiraling down into self-loathing and taking it out on me to prove his masculinity. But he never did that - not in the 'sucking phase' of our relationship." "But, over many months, things did change. Gary started to show in interest in my ass. The first time that this was really obvious - I mean *really* obvious - was one day last summer when we were in my bedroom and I was giving him a long, leisurely blow job." "Nothing unusual there, of course. But I'd been working out before he came over and I was wearing only a tank top and shorts. And this time, while I was sucking on Gary's cock, to good effect of course, he slipped his hand down the back of my shorts and grabbed my buttock. His fingers were in my crack and one grazed my asshole." "When I twitched, he withdrew. But he kept coming back and, by the end of that session, he'd managed to press one finger well into my ass and piston it in and out as I finished him off." "How did you feel about that?" "At first, it was uncomfortable - not physically, he had only on finger in me and, despite there being no lubrication, it didn't hurt. But I was uncomfortable with the idea of him fingering my ass. It felt good though. I'd played with my ass before," I paused my story and asked: "That's not weird, is it? Hasn't everyone at some time or another?" Dr. Kim nodded, "Probably. Anyway, it's nothing to be concerned about." "Well, I liked it and it changed the way that I masturbated. I began playing with my ass when I jacked off, first with my fingers and then with other things: carrots, cucumbers, and finally I bought some toys. I began to fantasize about getting fucked in the ass and, of course, in those fantasies it was always Gary fucking me." "In real life things had changed slightly - a harbinger of the big changes that were to come. Gary would finger my ass pretty regularly - at least when we had enough time to play around a little. I guess it became increasingly clear to him that I liked the way it felt. I imagine he was having fantasies of his own. Sometimes when I was on my knees giving him a quick blow job, he would hold my head, not tightly, but enough to allow him to thrust into my mouth like he was fucking me. And, when we had more time, it seemed even more obvious what he might be fantasizing about. If he was fingering my ass, his hips thrust in synch with his finger." Couples Counseling - Ch. 01 "So this was the start of a big change. How did that happen?" "It was me who initiated it. I picked a good time. Claire was out of town again and Gary and I planned to watch a baseball game. We both knew that there'd be more action on the couch than on the baseball diamond. That was a given." "When Gary gave me the look that was always an invitation for us to play our own game, I surprised him. I told him I had a better idea. He said that he doubted it and I invited him to follow me to the bedroom." "On the nightstand, in clear view, was a condom. I watched Gary's eyes go to it and said to him, 'What do you think? A better idea?'" "Gary didn't respond immediately and I was worried that I'd made a mistake. Soon, though, I realized he hesitated only because he was a bit flustered. He made it clear that he was up for trying out my plan." "It's sounding more like you were gay lovers, isn't it?" "I guess so, to a lot of people. But I didn't think of it that way." "Well, anyway, that was your first time having anal sex with Gary?" "With anyone!" "Of course," Dr. Kim quickly added. "And how did that go?" "It was the beginning of the wrong turn in our relationship, I guess. I don't know why. The sex itself was fine. I found it surprisingly satisfying." "Go on." "It didn't hurt when he entered me. I was well lubed up and the toying I'd done over the months had made me very able to take Gary's cock. It felt very different from toying: I wasn't in control of it all. But I especially liked that part of it." "The fucking itself was wonderful. I didn't cum just from getting fucked, or anything like that that you read about or see in gay porn. In fact most of the time I wasn't even hard. Still, when Gary exploded in my ass, I felt the sort of satisfaction and release of tension that accompanies an orgasm." "So, what do you think went wrong?" "I don't know." And I really didn't. That's why I'd finally decided to come to Dr. Kim who was supposed to be one of the best couples sex therapists in the city, though I'd heard that she sometimes used "unconventional methods." I didn't care about what was conventional; I just wanted something to work. "From the very first time, something was different. Gary couldn't wait to get out of the house that night and he couldn't bear to talk to me, or even to look at me on his way out." "After he left, I felt weird, uncomfortable. I tried to masturbate, as I usually did after he'd left - always to thoughts of what we'd done before he left. Now those thoughts just caused me concern." "What did you feel had changed - not just that night but over the coming months?" Dr. Kim prompted. "Well, his desire to see me certainly didn't change. He still came over, sometimes in a planned visit, sometimes impromptu. And he often wanted more than the quick blow job. He seemed to like fucking my ass, which was fine with me because I liked it too. He just didn't seem to like me afterwards." "Really, he seemed to like me less all the time then. I sometimes think I went from being a "friend with benefits" that he valued, to a cum whore that disgusted him even though - or maybe because - he still desired me." "Over the months since we began having anal sex, he's increasingly treated me with less respect. Sometimes when he's fucking my ass, he seems to be trying to hurt me, and certainly to be incredibly dominant and controlling." "And you don't like that?" "Like I said earlier, Gary is a dominant personality. I didn't mind that. And I kind of liked it when he took control sexually. But he'd gotten more than controlling. It was like every fuck was an angry fuck. He was not only trying to prove his dominance; he was trying to humiliate and demean me." "Okay, Rick," Dr. Kim said calmly. We were nearing the end of our time together and Dr. Kim was clearly drawing things to a close. "I think I have the picture now. And I have some ideas about how to proceed - how to set things right if it's possible to do so." She could see how my face brightened. "Don't get too hopeful, Rick. I'm not sure things can be fixed. It will depend on a few things, beginning with whether you think you can get Gary to come and talk with me." "I don't know ..." I was obviously uncomfortable. "He doesn't know I came to you and I don't think he'd be much for seeing a shrink." "I'm not a psychiatrist, Rick." "I know, I know. But Gary will think of you that way." "Well, we don't have to meet in my office. I'm not going to have a session with him. We can meet over coffee somewhere. I just need to get a bead on him to know if I'm right." "But what do I tell him to get him to meet with you?" "Tell him the truth. Tell him that you've been having some problems dealing with your relationship with him and you came to me to talk about then. Tell him I just want to meet him and chat with him." "And if he won't meet with you?" "If he draws a line in the sand, hint - or tell him outright - that you don't think you can keep seeing him unless you get some things figured out and that requires him to meet with me just to talk for 15 minutes over a cup of coffee. If I have a sense of him at all, he'll agree. Whether he's looking at you now as a "friend with benefits" or a - how did you describe it? - a "cum whore," I don't think he wants to take a chance on the relationship ending." I agreed to try, though I was less confident than Dr. Kim that Gary would agree. [To be continued ...] Couples Counseling Ch. 02 "Take your clothes off." Dr. Kim's blunt command startled me and I hesitated. "Do you want this situation fixed? Do you want Gary to treat you better?" I nodded, still stunned by what Dr. Kim had asked me to do. She had always seemed so professional and proper. Outside the office, I would have pegged her for a stereotypical demure Asian woman. But, there she was calling on me to strip naked in front of her. "Well, Rick," she continued, "if you want that, and you trust me, you need to do as I say. I'm not shooting in the dark here. I know what will work. I was pretty sure even before I met with Gary. But, after we met, I was positive. All that remains now is for you to do as I say." I did trust Dr. Kim. She had a great reputation as a therapist who could work wonders when people were having sex-related problems. And, apparently, she was not just a good therapist; she was a good salesperson. When I raised the idea with Gary of him talking with Dr. Kim, he dismissed it out of hand. It wasn't even a topic for discussion. I tried the "I can't keep doing this" strategy but Gary tossed it off. He said he was pretty confident that I'd keep taking care of him. It was said with an ambiguous tone. I couldn't tell if he was threatening me with blackmail or just predicting that I wouldn't want to cut things off any more than he would. When I told Dr. Kim that I didn't think I could get Gary to see her, she asked for his phone number. That same afternoon, she texted me that she'd set up a meeting with Gary for the next day. And now, here we were, just two weeks after my last session with Dr. Kim and she was telling me she had the solution to my problems with Gary at hand. Apparently, the solution involved me stripping naked in front of her. I wasn't comfortable with this, but I was willing to try whatever Dr. Kim thought would work. Getting started taking my clothes off was the hardest part. Once I got started, it seemed sort of automatic. At least until I got to down to my boxers. It's incredibly embarrassing, I learned at that moment, to strip completely naked, in the full light of an office, in front of a woman—a beautiful woman, actually—while she sits watching, calmly and clinically. I wanted to cover myself with my hands, but that seemed as if it would feel even more humiliating. I stood there, feeling incredibly awkward for what felt like an eternity, though it was probably less than a minute. I felt my cock rising, more from the intense embarrassment than from sexual arousal, I think, though in my present vulnerable position, I couldn't help but think of what Dr. Kim would look like naked and what might happen if she were. So, maybe it was a combination of sexual arousal and embarrassment. "Come here," Dr. Kim said, getting up and walking toward a door on the side of her office. This wasn't the door that clients came in through and I'd assumed that it was just another access to a hallway. I was wrong. It turned out to be a bathroom—a full bathroom, complete with a shower. "Stand there." I was in passive obedience mode so I did as Dr. Kim ordered. She opened a jar of some sort of cream and began spreading it all over my body. It stunk, kind of like ammonia, and it burned by skin some—not terribly, but enough to be uncomfortable. Neither the smell nor the stinging prevented my body from responding to her touch. She was doing this in a professional, clinical way but by the time she'd covered practically all of my body with the cream, my cock was completely erect. She seemed utterly indifferent to my response. "Just wait there," Dr. Kim said. "This will take about ten minutes. The depilatory cream burned, but still my body felt cold and I shivered a little while I stood there, waiting for it to do its work. Dr. Kim left me for a while, doing something in the office. I couldn't tell what. She came back in with a towel that she used to wipe the depilatory cream off my body and, with it, all of my body hair. "Get in the shower and wash well to get rid of that awful smell," Dr. Kim instructed. I was eager to do that, more to get rid of the sting, which was still irritating me, than the smell. Running the soap over my body was a novel experience. I was surprised by how different it felt to touch my body now when it was completely denuded of hair. When I stepped out of the shower, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My body looked so strange to me. It's not that I was such a hairy guy to start with, but the absence of what hair I did have made a remarkable difference in how I looked, as much as it did in how it felt to touch my body as I dried off. As I was finishing drying off, Dr. Kim returned. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised by what she was carrying. But I really hadn't thought this all through, so I was. She had a handful of women's clothing—everything from panties and a bra to stockings and high heels. And she had a blonde wig. I might have been dense in not anticipating this once she used the depilatory cream on me, but now I saw where this was all going. "I don't see how this is going to help," I said, as if my opinion was relevant. It might have sounded like a protest, and I guess I intended it that way, but Dr. Kim just said: "Don't worry. It is ... as you'll see soon enough." Dr. Kim began dressing me. First the lavender garter belt, bra, and panties. I'm afraid this got me rather excited. My cock was rigid and sticking obscenely out of my lacy panties. Dr. Kim noticed my look of embarrassment and said, in her calming, clinical voice, "Don't worry. We'll take care of that later. It won't be a problem." I wasn't quite sure what the potential problem was, except that I was embarrassed, and that was already a problem. I told myself that my arousal was caused by Dr. Kim's touch. She's a very pretty woman and, of course, I'd had some fantasies about her. Here she was, now, touching my smooth body in intimate places. Of course I was going to get hard. I'm sure that Dr. Kim's touch was part of the reason I was getting hard. But, trying to be honest with myself, I had to admit that the feel of the silky bra and panties would probably have been enough to provoke my raging hardon. And it only got worse as Dr. Kim eased the sheer white stockings up to my thighs and fastened them to the garter belt. I found myself squirming slightly, which increased the stimulation as my cock rubbed against my panties and garter belt. "Sit down." Dr. Kim gestured toward the commode. "And quit squirming. I'll never be able to do the makeup if you're fidgeting like that." Before she got to work with the makeup, though, Dr. Kim fastened my high heels and then slipped two breast forms in the cups of my bra. The color matched my skin close enough that, on a quick glance, they looked passable. They weren't large, but they filled the cups nicely and gave me a very feminine shape. Mostly, I had to hold very still while Dr. Kim worked on my makeup, but when she turned to get some different implement of feminization, I took the opportunity to steal a glance of myself. Looking down at my chest and legs, there was really nothing that suggested that I was a man, except for my still hard cock thrusting out of the top of my panties. Dr. Kim finished up by putting on my wig and some jewelry. Then she went back into her office, affording me an opportunity to look myself over closely for the first time. The transformation was remarkable! I'm slender enough that, between the way the breast forms changed my shape and the panties and garter belt fooled the eye, I looked every bit the part of a slender, attractive woman. And Dr. Kim had done wonders on my face. She was able to soften my brow, enlarge my eyes, highlight my cheek bones, make my lips look fuller and my chin shorter, all with the use of things as simple as eye shadow, lipstick, and various tinted rouges and powders. If she ever wanted to give up sex therapy, she could have a fabulous career as a makeup artist. Before I was done admiring myself, Dr. Kim came back holding a light, gauzy dress. It was very simple—a wrap-around style, that had a delicate tie in front. It was a pastel floral print that coordinated well with the lavender of my underwear. "Before we put this one, dear," Dr. Kim said, hanging the dress on the back of the bathroom door, "let's take care of that problem." She turned my back to the washstand and leaned me against it. And then she stunned me completely. She sank to her knees and pulled my panties down enough to completely free my straining cock. Without a word, she took it in both hands and brought her mouth—her sweet, delicate mouth—to my aching member. And then her lips were around me, encircling the head of my cock and she began moving her lips on and off my shaft. As she pulled off, I could see clearly lips, bright red with lipstick, being pulled out. Sometimes the head of my cock would come completely out and I'd watch her lips stretch to accommodate the pronounced cap of my cock. As she moved back on to my cock, her lips would disappear, coating my shaft with her lipstick, as I could see when she, once again, pulled away from me. With one hand, she cupped my balls and with the other she pumped the base of my cock. Sometimes she would pull off completely and lick the underside of my cock, lingering on the most sensitive spot just under the helmet. Mostly, though, she was energetically working my cock with her hands and lips. Maybe there's no such thing as a bad blow job. I've never had one anyway. But that doesn't mean that all blowjobs are equal. Dr. Kim was not only blowing my cock; she was blowing my mind. I felt an intensity of sexual passion that I couldn't remember ever experiencing before. I would have liked for it to last forever, or at least for longer than it did. But Dr. Kim wasn't into teasing. She was a woman on a mission and her mission wasn't to string me along; it was to get me off. And get me off she did. I exploded in her mouth and roared in a way that was completely inconsistent with my demure feminine attire. God it felt good! I pumped and pumped my cum into Dr. Kim's mouth, putting my hands on the back of her head to control her movements. And then my muscles went limp, like a ragdoll. I collapsed back against the vanity, putting almost my full weight on it since my legs clearly couldn't support me now. Through half-closed, stupefied eyes, I saw Dr. Kim get up matter-of-factly, reach for a hand towel, and wipe her face. "There, that took care of that problem," she said, tucking my soft and hyper-sensitive cock back into my panties and straightening me up there. "You can rest for just a minute. It's almost time to get started with the session." The session! Jesus, what was she talking about? I'd just had the most intense "session" of my life. What was on tap now? Dr. Kim left the room again and I didn't really think much about what might be next on our agenda. I was floating in that dreamy space that is created after a crashing orgasm. The peace was broken when Dr. Kim returned and told me it was time to get my dress on. She helped me into it, which was good because I was still a little shaky, then led me back into the office. I was wobbly on the high heels and I was looking down to be careful not to trip, so at first I didn't see Gary in the room. When I heard him make some sound—I think it was the sound or rapid inhaling people sometimes make when they're surprised—I returned his startled look. Dr. Kim had said nothing about Gary coming to the session tonight. "Gary, I want you to meet Erica." There was no one else in the room but, still, it took me a second to realize that Dr. Kim was christening me with a feminine name. "I know that you and Rick have been having some problems recently. Erica is very close to Rick and I want you two to work things out. If you and Erica," Dr. Kim said looking now at Gary, "can work things out, it will solve the problems you're having with Rick." So now I understood Dr. Kim's plans. Gary and I were supposed to establish a relationship with me *en femme*. I didn't know how that was supposed to solve anything but I had to give the good doctor points for creativity. "First, Gary," Dr. Kim began, "do you think that Erica is attractive? Do you think she's sexy?" Gary didn't say anything but he nodded. More than his gesture, the look in his eyes answered Dr. Kim's question and I felt myself blush with embarrassment and, I think, pride. I didn't have any script for tonight's activities so I was happy when Dr. Kim began giving directions. She had Gary stand up and then said, "Erica, why don't you start things off?" I didn't know what that meant so she gave me a broad hint. "They say that the road to a man's heart is through is stomach, but psychologists know that it's a different organ, a bit lower in the male anatomy." Well, that was obvious enough. Gary was standing a few feet from me. I managed to get down on my knees without looking to awkward and instantly felt relief. I wasn't trying to balance on those damn high heels—something that would have been hard enough for me to do at any time but was really challenging when my legs were still wobbly from the crashing orgasm I'd just had. Now I was in familiar territory, even if not in familiar attire. I reached up and unzipped Gary's pants. It was hard to get him out the fly—he was already stiffening—so I unfastened his buckle and unbuttoned his pants so that I could push them down to his thighs. I was now faced with the familiar sight of Gary's hard cock, waiting to be taken into my mouth. But I felt oddly different in a way I couldn't really put into words. In the past, when I'd sucked Gary off, I'd always been excited—at first, really scared, too, but always excited. Something was different though. I felt a tingling all through my body. Maybe it was as simple as the fact that my body was especially sensitive from being stripped of hair. Maybe it was some sort of after effect of the incredible orgasm Dr. Kim had given me. But it seemed to me that there was something else at play here. I think being dressed as a woman—and feeling like a very attractive one at that—made me feel freer to really embrace what I was doing. Before, despite the excitement I'd always felt when I gave Gary a blow job, there was always some part of me that was standing back, reminding me that I was a guy. I was giving him a blow job like a guy would give a guy a blow job. Now, I felt like a woman. I was completely into what I was doing. I yearned for Gary's cock; I wanted to make love to it. I wanted to feel my delicate hands around it and my moist lips encircling it to send waves of pleasure through his gorgeous body. That's how I thought of it. Of course, though my lips might have been a bit moister because of the lipstick Dr. Kim had coated them with, my hands weren't any more delicate than they'd ever been. Still, that's how I thought of them now. And, while I'd always thought that Gary was an attractive man, I'd never consciously framed this in terms of his having a gorgeous body. As I brought my lips, quivering with anticipation, to Gary's hard cock, I made a vow to myself that I wouldn't pull back from this feeling. I wouldn't let fear or timidity taint what I was feeling. I was going to be completely in the moment. I attacked Gary's cock eagerly, moaning audibly as the pleasure of his hard cock filling my mouth overwhelmed me. A feeling of intense satisfaction swept over my body. I realized that I was exploring some part of my psyche that had been denied all my life. Gary's response fed my enthusiasm in a virtuous circle, an upward spiral of sexual excitement for both of us. I'd never felt stronger a sexual desire—a deeper erotic yearning—than I experienced at that moment. I wanted Gary in every way possible—at once, if that were possible. But Dr. Kim had other plans. She stopped us and told me to stand up. This was not easy for me—not the standing part. The difficulty started before I tried to climb back up on those high heels. The difficult was pulling away from Gary's lovely hard cock. As I reluctantly backed away, I looked at the slick, shiny shaft longingly. I didn't want to let out of my mouth but ... you know: doctor's orders. If I had to let it out of my mouth, I certainly didn't want to let it out of my sight. I made my way up to a standing position, still looking as what I know thought of as the most beautiful thing in the world. "Erica, untie your dress and let Gary see your beautiful body." I fumbled a little with the tie and, as I began to move to pull the dress apart, exposing my body to Gary, I suddenly felt very vulnerable. What if, seeing my body more fully, his eyes showed that he'd lost some of his enthusiasm? What if after seeing me an answer to Dr. Kim's question about whether I was attractive, whether I was sexy, would get a polite nod, but not the look in Gary's eyes that really answered the question. So, my hands were trembling slightly as I opened my dress to expose my body to Gary. I watched his eyes with trepidation. When I'd exposed myself to him in only my sheer, silky undergarments, I saw my answer. Gary's pupils swelled and I saw him swallow. He wanted me. "Thank God!" I thought, "thank God!" I let my dress fall off my shoulders onto the floor. "You should pick that up," said Dr. Kim. For just a second, I thought she'd had an inappropriate moment of fastidiousness. Then I realized that she didn't care at all about the dress. I turned by back to Gary and bent over at the waist, keeping my legs straight, to pick up the dress. It was, I was sure, a provocative pose—though if I'm any judge of Gary, or men in general, further provocation was hardly necessary. Dr. Kim was standing in front of her desk, very near us. She gently guided me back toward Gary until he and I were face-to-face, just a few inches apart. Gary's about three inches taller than I am, but with my heels we were exactly eye-to-eye. And we were exactly lip-to-lip. Now I was terrified! Dr. Kim had orchestrated a moment when, between any man and woman (and maybe between gay couples for all I knew), there would be a passionate kiss. Where the two people would, as kids say, "suck face." Kissing had never been any part of Gary's and my relationship. I was afraid that the invitation being presented would freak Gary out and queer the deal (if you'll pardon the expression). Frankly, it sort of weirded me out. I didn't know what to think about it. My thoughts didn't drive the moment, though. Before I knew it, Gary's lips were on mine. For just a second, I was startled by the intensity of his kiss. I didn't resist—I was too startled even for that—but I didn't yield, either. That second passed and, with it, any thoughts of resistance, and any feelings of weirdness. My mouth opened to Gary's tongue and he probed my mouth eagerly. I had one arm around his back, but my other hand found its way down to Gary's hard cock, still slick with my saliva. Gary had one hand on the back of my head, pulling me with urgency to his mouth. His other hand was on my ass, first outside my panties and then, quickly, inside, kneading my ass. We kissed for only a few moments. Dr. Kim told me to get down on my knees again to get Gary ready to fuck me. Hardness and hotness of his cock in my hand made it clear that he was already ready to fuck me, but I was more than happy to take him back in my mouth again. As I got down, Dr. Kim suggested that I take off my panties. I did that while ministering, lovingly, to Gary's cock. And then, still sucking his cock deeply into my mouth, I helped pull down his pants the rest of the way and get them off his legs completely. I could feel that Gary was pulling off his shirt at the same time. We were both in a frenzy to get unnecessary clothes off and get on with it. Couples Counseling Ch. 02 Dr. Kim told me to turn away from Gary and get on my hands and knees. I guessed at the time that she was orchestrating things in such a way that Gary could cling to the image of me as a ... what had he agreed to ... attractive, sexy woman. Doggy-style fucking would keep my unlady-like parts out of view. I was on my hands and knees, presenting myself like a bitch in heat, ready to be mounted. Gary didn't waste any time. In only the amount of time necessary to put on a condom (which, no doubt, Dr. Kim had thoughtfully provided), I felt Gary gently pulling my ass cheeks apart and lining up his cock with my ravenous asshole. God, I wanted him! All the more so because I could feel how much he wanted me. When he'd lined up and pressed just the tip of his cock part way in, I felt both of his hands on my hips, holding them tightly through my garter belt, so that he could control his entry. He pushed in gently, but forcefully. I was so eager to feel him fill my cunt (as I thought of it) that I would have forgiven any pain he caused me by moving too quickly. But it was nice that he was trying to be considerate. Soon, he was all the way in and I felt a sense of satisfaction sweep over me. I felt aglow and again I moaned audibly with pleasure. Gary began to fuck me. I could tell that he had to resist the urge to thrust wildly right from the beginning. But I think, like me, he wanted this to last for a while. As he fucked me so wonderfully, I felt my own cock harden till it was slapping against my stomach. This surprised me. I was never a quick repeater, certainly not since my teenage years. But, tonight was exceptional in many ways, I realized. And then something happened that I couldn't understand at first. Dr. Kim was standing right next to us, her legs touching my side. I could feel Gary twisting to the side and for a few moments, horribly, his rhythm was interrupted. I tried to twist around enough to see what was happening, but to no avail. Gary was holding my hips too tightly. Fortunately, he settled back into a good fucking pace and I sort of forgot about what might be going on behind by back (or above it, really). As long as it didn't interfere with Gary's and my fucking, I decided it was okay with me no matter what it was. It's really hard to gauge time when you're fucking, I think, and I certainly wasn't watching the clock. I'd guess, though, that Gary fucked me for a good ten minutes before he started building up to his orgasm. Well, not really a *good* ten minutes. A *great, fantastic, marvelous* ten minutes. I tried slightly different postures—sometimes with my head down, sometimes with my back arched more or less—to change the angle of attack. I didn't find any angles that were bad and I found a lot that were terrific. When it was obvious that Gary was about to cum, I was pushing back on to him like a fanatic—well, exactly like one, I guess—and clenching my asshole to intensify his orgasm. And just as Gary was starting to explode, I could feel Dr. Kim's legs stiffen next to me and I felt her leaning in even more toward us. It was distracting. What was going on up there? Had she been forcing Gary's mouth on her clitoris while we'd been fucking? Was he bringing her to an orgasm with his mouth at exactly the same time he had his orgasm deep in my bowels? It turned out I was half right. The distraction wasn't enough to keep me from enjoying the feeling of Gary erupting in my ass. He held my hips hard up against his crotch as he pumped out his cum. I didn't cum from getting fucked in the ass the way you hear about sometimes in porn. Still, the whole thing was very satisfying to me. When Gary backed out of me and released my hips, I collapsed onto the carpet, a very contented girl. As soon as I'd gathered my wits, I rolled over. I wasn't trying to see what had been going on between Gary and Dr. Kim. The rosy glow of my satisfaction kind of pushed that to the back of my mind. No, what I was trying to see was Gary's face. I felt as if I'd caused him great pleasure and I wanted to see the evidence of my success in his satisfied smile. Instead, when I saw his face I was stunned. That's not a strong enough word but I don't know how to describe my state of mind. How do you describe the shock of your whole sense of reality being turned upside down? Gary did look very satisfied. But what I couldn't wrap my mind around was the fact that just slipping out of his mouth was Dr. Kim's cock! That's right, *her cock*! And dripping from the side of Gary's mouth was some of Dr. Kim's cum. I guess you can't say "her cock" and "her cum," can you? So I don't know how to talk about it. But what I saw was Dr. Kim, stripped down to her (okay, I'll say "her"—it's too hard to shift my perspective on a dime) bra and panties. Her bra was filled with natural breasts. No breast forms there. I'd seen the tops of those breasts as gentle swells when she'd worn low-cut tops. But sticking out of the side of her white panties was a softening, but still full, cock. As her cock pulled away from Gary's lips, a string of semen continued to connect them until it finally broke and dribbled down onto my abdomen. Gary had just had an enormous orgasm—the proof of which was in the stretched tip of the condom still wrapped around his own softening cock. But, mixed with the pleasure on his face, I saw discomfort. Gary, who I know had never had a cock in his mouth (we'd talked about that), had just sucked a big cock and had his mouth filled with cum. I was having trouble wrapping my mind around this scene. Intellectually, it was easy enough. Dr. Kim was transsexual. I got that. And I'd seen videos of transsexuals—especially Asian ladyboys—who were absolutely convincing as women. I had all the background to realize that this could be possible but, still, it seemed completely impossible. Apart from the shock of having to rethink my reality, I was increasingly concerned about how this was going to play out. Had Dr. Kim miscalculated? I suspected so. I worried that Gary would be disgusted by what he'd done and wouldn't want to have any part of me from now on because it would always remind him of the time he sucked cock. As it turned out, my worries were misplaced. After a rather long silence, during which each of us recovered a little and got dressed, Dr. Kim told us to sit down so we could talk about what had happened and where go from here. Gary and I sat on the couch, across the coffee table from Dr. Kim—Gary in his slacks and shirt and me in my dress. I realized as I sat there that the clothing affected the way I sat and moved and even the way I felt. "So, you two," Dr. Kim began, "how did you feel about that?" Gary and I started to speak at the same time, then we both paused to let the other speak, then we both started again. We laughed together, looking at each other as we did. "Never mind. I know how you felt about it. I just wanted each of you to think about it." Dr. Kim paused to let us reflect on our feelings for a moment, then went on with her diagnosis and prescription. "You see, the two of you had two relationships: one that was working fine for both of you and one that wasn't. And the dysfunctional one was bleeding over into the good one—threatening to destroy it." That sounded right to me and I hoped it did to Gary, too. "You were both comfortable with your 'buddies with benefits' relationship. You both got different things from it, and I suspect that Gary didn't, and maybe still doesn't, understand what you got from it, Rick ... Erica. But it doesn't matter that a relationship isn't providing the same benefits for each person. A good, strong, equal relationship can exist when you're equally meeting each other's needs, even if those needs are very different." "But when you tried to take your relationship to the next level, Gary wasn't comfortable with that. A buddy who sucked him off was okay with him—pretty great really. Right, Gary?" Gary nodded awkwardly. He seemed uncomfortable with where this might be going. Maybe he saw a criticism coming. If so, he was wrong. Dr. Kim wasn't trying to judge, just to understand and explain things to us. "You see, Gary has a very strong self-image as a strictly heterosexual man." It occurred to me that I should protest that I always thought of myself in the same way, but I realized how ridiculous that would seem coming from me now, especially given my attire. "Getting sucked off by another guy didn't do any violence to that self-image. He was just an alpha dog—the dominant guy who gets his sexual needs taken care of by those lower on the pecking order." I didn't like the analysis much, but I didn't see how I could argue with it. It had the ring of truth as Dr. Kim said it and I wondered why I hadn't thought of it this way before. "But fucking ... ah, fucking was a whole 'nother thing. It called for him to be more active, more the initiator and aggressor." I wasn't sure that Dr. Kim was nailing it here. Gary had seemed pretty active and aggressive when he'd come over for blow jobs. She sensed my skepticism and explained: "I don't mean that he wasn't calling the shots then. What I mean is that he was prodding ... requesting, demanding, whatever ... *you* to do something. With anal sex, it was different. At least, it felt different to Gary." I could see Gary nodding slightly, as if he was just coming to recognize what he'd been feeling. "But this role provoked feelings that challenged his self-image. Do you understand what cognitive dissonance is?" We both nodded. That was a piece of psychological jargon that had seeped out of professional circles. "Well, Gary was feeling it big time, even if he didn't deal with it consciously. He was a heterosexual man ... heterosexual men don't desire to fuck other men's bodies ... but he wanted to fuck your body, Rick." Now I think Gary and I both blushed, and both from the now open acknowledgment of the same fact: Gary wanted to fuck me. "The cognitive dissonance caused Gary to be cruel toward you—you who were the occasion for him to experience that dissonance. By being dismissive, indifferent, even a little cruel to you, he could distance himself from the feelings that threatened his self-conception and reassert his masculinity." "So, tonight," Dr. Kim continued, "we removed the threat to Gary's self-image. He could see you as Erica, a very attractive, sexy woman. And, what happened?" She paused and for a moment I thought she hadn't intended the question rhetorically. But then she went on. "I'll tell you what happened. Gary was suddenly free to make love to you as he wanted to without feeling as if his masculinity was compromised. And he did. And he loved it. You both loved it, didn't you?" We didn't need to answer that question, but I needed to ask one. "But, Dr. Kim," I began, not sure how to frame my question. "Yes?" She wasn't going to give me any help it seemed. "What was ... I mean, what were you ... I mean ..." Finally, after I'd stammered for a bit, Dr. Kim came to my aid. "What was the point of what I was doing with Gary?" "Yes. And ..." I was still kind of speechless. "And what, Erica? Why do I have a penis?" Dr. Kim laughed. "I don't think I have to answer that for you. You just have to come to grips with the fact that I'm not exactly the person you assumed I was. The fact that neither of you suspected that I was anything but a natural woman was vital to my plan." Well, she had my attention now. I looked over at Gary, who was clearly feeling uncomfortable now that we were beginning to talk about his first cock-sucking experience. "In all the times you guys were just doing oral sex, Gary never reciprocated. From what I've told you already, it's obvious why. He couldn't have squared that with his heterosexual self-image. But, if you're going to have an intimate relationship ... if you're going to be making love to each other, as I know you both want to ... Gary's going to need to satisfy you sexually, too. It's not enough that all of your satisfaction comes from pleasing him. That's not the foundation of a strong relationship." That seemed right to me but I hadn't ever let myself seriously consider the prospect of Gary reciprocating. It seemed impossible and, so, I couldn't let myself acknowledge how much I wanted it. "What I needed to teach Gary is that oral sex with a woman, even if her genitalia are a bit larger than normal, isn't a threat to his masculinity. What better way to do it than to present him with opportunity to perform oral sex on someone he thought of as an attractive woman? And what better time to do it than exactly when he's engaged in the uniquely masculine act of fucking another 'woman'?" There was a little irony there because, of course, the "woman" Gary was fucking wasn't a woman at all. But I thought I got it. The point was, apparently, that he could conceptualize what he was doing as fucking a woman. "Gary was leery at first, though I'm not really sure whether it was reluctance or just astonishment about what I had in my panties." She paused and looked at Gary. "Maybe a little of both." "But as things progressed, I could tell that Gary was dealing with it okay." Gary made a sound as if to begin to protest but Dr. Kim cut him off. "Now Gary," she said peremptorily, "don't go there. Or should I say, don't go *back* there. You learned something tonight. Don't forget it." Whatever Gary was planning to say never got said. He seemed to accept what the good doctor was serving. It struck me then that Dr. Kim might be especially well-qualified for her job. She understood both men and women extraordinarily well. I was still a little foggy about where we were going from here. "So, where are we now?" I said tentatively. "Am I supposed to be a crossdresser from now on?" "Where the two of you will go is up to you," Dr. Kim said, unhelpfully. Fortunately, that wasn't all she said. "Your relationship could develop in many different ways that are equally wonderful and exciting. That's for you to discover together. My job was go put you on a path where you could do that." "But I do have a suggestion for how to start off on that path." Gary and I were all ears. "First, don't try to move too quickly to change things. I told you that you had two relationships: Gary and Rick, and Gary and Erica. They can both be good now, I think. I'd suggest that for now, and for as long as it's good for both of you, you continue to have your "buddies with benefits" relationship. You don't have to lock it in; it can change over time. But it's worked for both of you and it's not hurting anyone so, I say, go for it." "You should explore your Gary/Erica relationship. I think you'll both find it exciting and rewarding. But, Erica, when you do this—at least for now—you need to be Erica, not Rick. This will not only make Gary more comfortable but, as you learned tonight, it will make it more exciting for you." "And Gary." Dr. Kim looked at him closely and paused for an uncomfortably long time. "Gary, you really need to take care of Erica, too. Bringing his lover to an orgasm with his mouth can be an extremely erotic experience for a guy, right? ... as you learned tonight." I'm happy to say that Gary and I nurtured both of our relationships. We continued the "buddies with benefits" thing as before, but I was always Erica when we engaged in intimacy beyond oral sex. I explored the novel excitements that were available to me *en femme*. And Gary let himself relax to the point where he could enjoy our relationship without dealing with any internal demons. He treated me well and he did learn the erotic pleasures of giving your lover an orgasm, even if (maybe, especially when) her genitalia are larger than normal. I certainly learned the erotic pleasures of experiencing those orgasms.