9 comments/ 32498 views/ 26 favorites Code Blue Ch. 01 By: taylorreed Ok...here is a story that's totally made up so I hope it's ok. Enjoy! Blessings Taylor I saw it happen but I just couldn't quite believe it. I saw the perp's arm go out the window holding the gun. I heard the shots and watched as blood bloomed first on my arm then my partner's chest. I knew I had called for back up and then that call that we all dread. "Officer down! Officer down!" In minutes fellow officers trying to run these maniacs off the road surrounded us. Mark had drawn his weapon at the first shot and now it lay on his lap. His hands too weak to hold it. I pulled our car over to the side of the freeway and dragged Mark out. Blood was pooling on the seat and his chest was soaked in it. Where the fuck was that ambulance?! "Mark come on man stay with me! Mark!!" I was screaming in his face trying to keep him alert. I pressed my fist into the wound on his chest to try and slow down the bleeding. His eyes began to glaze over and his mouth hung open. He stretched out a hand and grabbed my shirt to bring me closer. He began to speak, gurgling blood. "Tell Mindy and the boys I love them...please Ryan...please tell them from me." He started to die right in front of my eyes. "No. No. No.Mark come on buddy....You need to hang on!" His last breath came out in a soft rush and then nothing. I began to resuscitate him oblivious to the blood covering his chin and mouth. I checked his heart but it too had stopped. I didn't notice the ambulance pull up and two guys dragged me off him so they could work. "We've got him now Officer. Let us work ok." I sat by the side of the freeway and watched as my partner of more than eight years lost his life to a bullet. I forgot that I had also been shot and it wasn't until one of the paramedics came to tell me that Mark had lost his battle that I noticed my shoulder hurt like all hell. It felt good though..The pain. It did something to distract me from the ache in my heart. I watched as they put Mark's body on a gurney and load him into the ambulance. I couldn't bare it. This was not the way it was meant to happen. Good people died all the time but Mark was different. It hadn't mattered to me that he was married and hence straight, I had loved him from the moment we began to work together. Late one evening after a really bad day, we had gone to a bar to drown our sorrows. I of course had spilled my guts about my feelings for him. I expected him to beat the shit out of me but he just looked at me and grinned. "That's pretty flattering. Thank you." That's all he said and I was stunned. The next day there were no awkward silences or strange looks just an understanding between two men of something that could never be. Now here we were, almost nine years later and the only thing I could do was watch. You'd have to be a policeman or in a similar line of work to realize how much your partner means to you. You become like brothers. Each looking out for the other and more than once we had placed our lives on the line without questioning about what it would mean to die. It was just something you did. When the sheet went over Mark's face I began to wail. High and animal-like. I lost all control. I felt hands grab my arm and one of the paramedics led me to the ambulance. "Let me take at look at your shoulder ok?" I waved him away. I didn't give a crap about my fucking shoulder! I felt blood trickle down my hand and I began to shiver. He forcibly lifted me into the vehicle and began to check out my wound. "It's not too bad but you're obviously loosing blood so we need to roll." He thumped on the window as a signal for his buddy to get a move on. We moved through the quiet city streets with no real sense of urgency. I suppose there was no need considering Mark was dead and their only other passenger was in no danger of expiring. I felt myself starting to drift off and realized I was lying down with an IV in my arm. I was light-headed and still shivering and they took me into surgery straight away to remove the bullet still lodged in my collarbone. I woke with my whole body aching and I was definitely high on pain medication. The first eyes I saw were that of Mindy, Mark's wife. Her cheeks were hollow with grief and she twisted a tissue between her trembling fingers. "Ryan..What happened? Tell me what happened!" She began to rant at me and I just let her unburden herself. "Why didn't you call for backup sooner? Why didn't you save him? Why?" My breath hurt in my chest and I felt the vomit rise in my throat. I saw the pain and anger in her eyes and I asked myself the same questions. Mark was a father and devoted husband, I was single. It was just all so bloody unfair! I swallowed my emotion. "I am so sorry Mindy. It all happened so fast and I tried so hard to save him." I began to sob. "His last words were for you. He told me to tell you that he loved you and the boys. Mindy I don't think he suffered at all. He seemed to just fall asleep." I hoped she believed me. It was total bullshit of course but what else could I say? That the pain must have been awful? That he drowned in his own blood? The images came flooding back then and I covered my face with my hands biting back a groan as the movement made my shoulder scream. "Don't you know how much I wish it was me that died instead of Mark? I wish it had been me." She left then with nothing else to say. Ian* I heard the report on the radio that an officer had been shot but it wasn't until I arrived at the hospital that I found out that Ryan had also been injured. The loss of Mark would be felt for years to come. He was a true gentleman and the love he had for the community he served and his family was plain to see. But it wasn't Mark that I loved. It was Ryan. I had joined the force about three years ago and even though Ryan and Mark had been partners for such a long time, Ryan seemed to sense that I needed someone to guide me and show me the ropes. The corridors of the hospital were a sea of blue uniforms. We crowded everyone else out and it made me proud. We were all devoted to each other in a true brotherhood and when one of us hurt, we all did. The loss of Mark spread through us like a wildfire. There were tears and understandable anger. They had eventually run the perps off the road and into a retaining wall on the freeway. One had been badly injured and the other had walked away without a scratch. Secretly I know we all felt cheated and wished they had both died. Now they would both be charged with the murder and attempted murder of two police officers and a slew of other various charges. I made my way up to Ryan's room to see if I could get in to see him if only for a minute. I was of course denied entry by the nurse from hell so I settled for waiting on one of those God-awful plastic chairs. A strong hand clasped my should shaking me awake. I must have fallen asleep. It was the nurse from hell. "Ok you can go in and see him now." Wait, had I slept that long? I checked my watch; yep I had been here for almost four hours! No wonder I had sore shoulders and a crick in my neck. I walked quietly into Ryan's room. His eyes were closed so I assumed he was sleeping but looking closer I saw tears glistening on his cheeks and his breathing was ragged. "Ryan? Ryan it's Ian. Can I sit with you?..Please?" He startled and looked at me not saying anything. I sat and he reached out a hand to grasp mine. I know it was an awful situation but I felt a small shock at our connection. He began to cry, hard and I couldn't do anything at first but sit there. Then I took a chance and scooted my chair forward and wrapped him in my arms. His body shook as he emptied his sorrows onto my chest. "Why Mark? Why wasn't it me Ian? Why wasn't it me?" I heard the desperation and pain in that question. I felt guilty. He was going through hell and here I was drinking in his smell and the feel of his body against mine. I rocked Ryan gently. "I am so sorry baby." I froze at my slip. There wasn't a change in his body language so I hoped that he hadn't heard. "I'm here for you. Whatever you need, just say the word ok?" He sniffled quietly and nodded. He moved a little and groaned. I remembered then that he had been shot too. I held him away from me and looked at his shoulder and chest covered with a bandage. "Are you ok? I mean your shoulder? Are you in pain?" Ryan stiffened a little and drew away. He blushed and looked down at the sheets. "Yeah I'm ok thanks." What just happened? We were connecting and then it all changed. Maybe I had the signals all wrong and he wasn't actually gay. We sat for a few minutes, the silence uncomfortable and the tension clearly felt by both of us. I stood to leave. "Well you let me know if you need anything ok. I'll get word to you about Mark's memorial." I waited for Ryan to say something but he just looked away. I gave him one last look and left totally confused. Either he wasn't gay and I had just made an absolute idiot out of myself or he was but either wasn't "out" yet or in denial. All scenarios were a problem any way you looked at it and I was beginning to wonder if it was worth the hassle. Well at least I would still get to see Ryan at work and maybe that's what I would have to learn to live with. Ryan* When Ian came to my room I was so caught up in crying that I didn't hear him come in. He sat so quietly like he was afraid of disturbing me. He had only been on the force for three years but I had come to know him pretty well. He seemed like a softly spoken guy and not the kind of person you would think would fit into the role of police officer. He was liked by everyone and had a calm way about him which put most of the perps at ease. When he lent in and hugged me something happened between us. Some kind of jolt, a connection that I wasn't prepared for and it made me very unsure. I felt like a shit because Mark had only been dead for a few hours and here I was getting turned on by Ian, who by the way wasn't my type..well I didn't think he was anyway. I almost fell out of bed when he called me "baby" and I think he was hoping that I didn't notice so I didn't give my reaction away. I tried not to read too much into that comment. I remembered where I was and why I was there and drew back immediately. Ian looked at me like "What?" but I didn't have the words to describe what I was feeling. We made more small talk and he left promising he would let me know about Mark's memorial. The doctor came in to check me out and let me know that if I wanted to go home tomorrow then he would release me. Hell yes I wanted out of here but then that would mean going back to a life without Mark in it. I wanted more time to deal with things but I knew staying here meant that all I was really doing was hiding out. Hiding from the guys at work and hiding from the possibility of seeing Mindy. Seeing her at the memorial was going to be bad enough. "Now if you do decide to leave you'll have to take it easy. No heavy lifting and not too much driving or you'll be back in here with torn stitches." He left me alone to my thoughts. All morning most of the guys from my precinct filtered through my room. Making the usual noises of sympathy about me being shot and the passing of Mark. The truth was that most of the time as a unit we didn't like to face the death of a fellow officer. It served to remind us of our own mortality and that was not something you wanted to think about. I began to wish for tomorrow but dreading it too. Mark's memorial would be horrific and seeing Mindy and the boys there was going to rip my heart out but I wanted to honor the memory of my partner. I could hide away from everything after it was over. I relaxed back against my pillows and let sleep take me away. In the dream I was running with Mark down a dark alley. We had been chasing an armed perp for at least ten minutes and not gaining any ground. I had already called for back up but our movement on the ground made it hard for help to arrive quickly. The guy turned right and ran into a warehouse. It was so dark there was no chance of seeing him in there so that meant using our flashlights, which also meant letting the guy know where we were. I heard the sirens in the distance and knew help was coming but I also wanted to get this guy. He was a serial rapist and needed to be off the streets. Mark and I slowed to a walk and considered our options. Mark wanted to err on the side of caution and wait but I felt like the more time we gave this animal the more distance he put between us and him. Agreeing to take it easy we entered the abandoned building. Holding our flashlights up with our weapons we scanned the various rooms watching for the slightest movement. I squinted in the surrounding shadows as we both moved silently through the enormous building. A muzzle flash lit the darkness and Mark screamed at me to "move!" I hit the ground in seconds but Mark was still standing with his mouth hanging open. A small trickle of blood oozed from his lips. He raised a hand to his chest and it came away covered in blood. His knees gave away and he sunk slowly to the concrete floor. I trained my light across the room trying to get a glimpse of the perp but nothing. Mark panted in agony and his hands clutched at my shirt. "Why didn't you listen to me? You killed me Ryan. You killed me." I sat up in my hospital bed shaking and covered in sweat. Immediately there was a comforting hand on my arm. "Ryan it's ok. You were having a dream. It's ok. I'm here." It was Ian. I drew a shaking hand across my face and sagged back against the pillows. I looked at him questioningly. "Oh I came back because Mark's memorial is Friday." It was Thursday. So that left me one day to steel myself against the coming agony. I looked back at Ian. "Thank you for letting me know." I was still shaking and my voice was sore from yelling at Mark to stay alive. "Ryan, it's not your fault that Mark got shot and it's certainly not your fault that he died. I know you guys were together for a long time and I also feel I knew him well enough to say that if he were here he would tear you a new one for being so down on yourself." Ian's words came out in a rush. I think he was nervous about how I would react to his little speech. I avoided the subject all together and asked him if he could stop by my place and give me a ride to the memorial. His eyes widened in surprise but he said that he would. Once again the silence was awkward. What was going on here? Ian stood to leave but gave me one last glance. "Ok well I'll see you Friday? I'll stop by a little earlier and that way we can sit up the front at the church. It's going to be a packed house." I smiled at his consideration that I would want to be right up front. A small smile spread across his lips and he nodded silently and left once again. So Friday would be my day of reckoning. Hell here I come! Friday* I looked in the mirror and smiled wryly. I looked like hell and I hadn't been sleeping due to the nightmares that kept me company at night. There was a quiet knock on the door and I knew it had to be Ian. Collecting my wallet and keys I went downstairs to let him in. A small gasp escaped from me before I could stop it. He looked beautiful in his dark dress uniform. We looked at each other in mutual admiration and I am sure we were both at least five different shades of red. I mentally shook myself as we moved to Ian's car. Cancel that. He had a bike. A big red Harley. My opinion of him had changed forever. He seemed like such a buttoned up kind of guy but I guess under that mild mannered extior there beat the heart of a rebel. I couldn't stop the smile if I had wanted to. He looked at me."What? You didn't think I was cool enough for one of these did you?" I blushed..Caught. He had totally nailed me! I ran my hand through my hair and thanked God that I had the obligatory buzz cut. "Don't worry handsome. You're hair will be fine." Ian froze at his "handsome" comment and then laughed. Maybe this day wasn't going to be so awful if I had him there with me. Parking at the church was a nightmare but lucky for us the bike didn't require as much space. As we moved through the ocean of blue I shook hands and clapped backs wondering if they blamed me too. Mark had been such a loved member of our precinct and there were at least 200 mourners. Ian and I moved to the front of the church and found a seat. I felt Mindy's eyes on me and I was such a coward that I couldn't bring myself to at her. I looked in frozen horror at the casket not ten feet away from me. There was Mark's photo and the American flag was draped across it along with a huge wreath of white roses. The minister moved to the pulpit and began the service. I must admit I didn't really hear any of it. I replayed the night Mark died over and over in my head like a movie I just couldn't turn off. I felt Ian nudge me and I stood with him as six members of the force carried his coffin to the waiting Hurst outside. I thought I was doing ok until I heard the music begin. It was a lone piper playing Amazing Grace. I sat down heavily unable to move. Mark loved the bagpipes. I felt Ian's arm go around me and I lent against him, drawing comfort from his closeness. I looked back to the entrance of the church and watched as the procession made it's way to the cemetery. I ran quickly then not wanting to let Mark down by being a coward. I joined the others in their slow march and found myself marveling at our commitment to honor our fallen comrade. We arrived at the Harkins family plot and I watched as Mark's coffin was lowered into the waiting ground. I looked up at the bright blue sky knowing that he was up there somewhere. He had probably found a bar near by and was having a beer. That was the Mark I knew and I smiled. I felt a warm hand close around mine and realized it was Ian's. He was staring at the ground, not daring to look at me. Once again there was that little shock and I squeezed his hand in response. After everyone including Mindy and the boys had left I found myself sitting beside Mark's grave. There wasn't a headstone yet because the ground had to settle before one could be permanently in place. Ian sat beside me and I felt my heartbreak at my loss. I rocked myself trying to gain comfort from the movement. Ian's arms went around me and I buried my face against his chest. I let myself really cry. I cried for myself but I also cried for Mark's family and the life that had been so tragically cut short. But I tried to take comfort in the fact that Mark had died doing what he loved. He was born a policeman and he died being a policeman. I don't think he would have been happy checking out any other way. End of chapter one. Ok I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this story. I think it's going ok but I would certainly welcome any suggestions or comments. Stay tuned for the next chapter coming soon! Blessings Taylor. Code Blue Ch. 02 Well you all seem to be enjoying this one so I guess I'll keep going. * After the memorial service for Mark a bunch of us went to our local watering hole to have a few drinks and share stories about him. I asked Ian to come with us but he declined saying that he needed to get some sleep. I knew it was a lot of bullshit and it was only that he felt out of place. I drew him aside before he left. "Listen, you're as much a part of this unit as any of us. Please don't feel like you don't belong. Come with us." I could see him thinking about it. Still he shook his head no. "It's ok Ryan. You go and enjoy remembering Mark and I'll see you when you get back to work ok?" We hugged briefly and he left. I watched him turn the corner before going inside the bar. The other guys and I must have spent pretty much all night telling stories and laughing. There were a few tears too. Sunday we made a plan to go round to Mindy's house and see if she needed help with stuff. That was something else we did for each other. Just because a force member passed away that family was still a member of our family, the blue family and they always would be. So we often went to house to do yard work or repairs and it made the loss a little easier to bare. I have no idea how I got home. One of the boys must have dropped me off because the last thing I remember is falling out of the car and into the gutter because my legs wouldn't hold me. Now if you ask anyone I worked with they would all say that was not normal behavior for me but I guess an exception was made because of Mark and they had taken sympathy on me and instead of just leaving me on the door step one of them had taken the time to get me into bed. I woke with the sun streaming in my window and my head pounding like a son-of-a-bitch. I moved to sit up and felt my stomach heave in protest. I laid back against the pillows to wait out the nausea and thought about Mark. I just couldn't believe he was gone. From the first moment I met him he had always treated me with respect and I made some really big mistakes like all rookies do but not once had he rubbed my nose in it. Instead he just smiled patiently and waited for me to figure it all out. And now there was a gaping hole where Mark should have been. Shaking my heard gently I went to take a shower in the hope of feeling human again. I made it as hot as I could stand it, once again punishing myself for the loss of my partner. My skin was beet red and a little sore as I dried myself and made a very strong cup of coffee. I had just sat down when there was a knock at the door. Crap! There stood Ian. How did he manage to continually sneak up on me with that bloody loud bike? His eyes widened and I knew I must have looked a sight in spite of the shower. "Yeah yeah...I know I look like shit. You wanna come in?" He brushed by me, his shoulder nudging mine and I felt a little thrill go through me. "I just made a cup of coffee. Would you like some?" I rubbed at my shoulder which not suprisingly ached like hell. He smiled and nodded. "Sure that would be nice. Thanks." I felt his gaze on me as I moved about the kitchen. I was starting to feel uncomfortable about where this may be headed. I knew that he was showing signs of being interested in me but I really didn't want to start anything just yet. It was too soon after Mark. That's what my reasonable head told me but my heart was starting to give in, just a little. I took the barstool beside his and slid over his coffee. "So, how are you doing? You look like you tied one on last night and your shoulder must be hurting you. You've been rubbing it ever since I got here." I was surprised by that observation. It only proved my point that he had indeed been watching me. "I'm ok thanks. My head hurts more than my shoulder and I am still kind of numb on the inside which is nice but I am not looking forward to the pain I know is coming that's for sure." To my horror I started to tear up. Glancing up at the ceiling I tried to wipe the tears away before Ian saw them. No such luck. "Hey. You don't have to hide your pain from me Ryan. It's ok to feel lost and hurt you know. He was your partner for over eight years and I know how much he meant to you." My eyes locked onto his. "What do you know?" It came out like an accusation but I didn't mean for it to sound that way. Ian lent away from me a little and blushed. "No..Nothing. I didn't mean anything by it but come on; I'm not blind. I saw how you looked at him. I knew you loved him Ryan. I knew because...It's the way I look at you." The world stopped for a moment. We both held our breath to see if the bottom fell out. Ian let his out first. I couldn't speak. I wanted to but my throat closed off any noise. He lent in closer, judging my reaction. I didn't move away because I was too stunned. I guess he took it as a sign to proceed and closed his lips gently on mine. I moved then. A little too quickly because I almost fell off the stool. Ian looked humiliated. I felt so bad for him. "I'm sorry Ryan. I thought...well I thought that that would be ok with you. I guess I was wrong." He stood to go and was near the door before I could stop him. "Ian please wait. Ian!" He held out his hand to stop me from going further. "It's ok. You don't have to explain. I'm sorry Ryan, really I am." And with that he was gone. I let my head fall to the counter with a thump. God what a bloody idiot I was!! He didn't even give me a chance to explain. It wasn't that I didn't have feelings for him. But it was too soon after Mark and then what if I had to live through loosing someone else? I didn't think I would survive it. I hoped to get back to work Monday even it was on restricted duty. At least that way I could find a time to corner Ian and explain. Ian* Oh my God! I am such an idiot!! Ryan practically threw himself off the stool trying to get away from me. I thought I had gotten some signals from him but from what happened just now, I had certainly made a huge mistake. It was going to be so awkward seeing him every time we were at work together. And what if he tried to explain? It would only make me feel more pathetic. What am I going to do? I went for a long ride on my bike. I usually cleared my head that way and it was such a nice day for a ride. Maybe the boss would let me transfer? I guess I could always avoid Ryan at all costs. Christ. What a mess! The weekend was long and agonizing. I was hoping I would get the flu but nope. I arrived at work and parked in my usual spot. I was only ten minutes late. For me that was pretty good! I sat quietly in my chair hoping not to draw attention to myself and waited for role call and assignment duty. I looked around the room. I couldn't see Ryan anywhere. I went from being worried for him to being annoyed at him. So he was avoiding me. That was a pretty juvenile response but then again I was going to do the same thing. I was going to ask one of the other guys where Ryan was but the boss interrupted us. "Before we get started, as you all know we lost Officer Harkins last week and Officer Willis was also wounded. Apparently over the weekend he developed some sort of mild infection and was admitted back into hospital. If you ask me, he shouldn't have been allowed to go home at all. But my opinion seems to mean nothing so I will keep my mouth shut. I'm sure he would appreciate a few visitors so feel free to stop by if you can. Now, on to our daily business." I didn't hear another word he said at that point. Ryan was sick. Here I was calling him juvenile and a coward and he was back in hospital! "Alright twinkle toes...Are you ready to hit the road?" I looked up startled and groaned out loud. Oh great! My assignment was with an asshole by the name of Trip. He wasn't exactly what I would call closed-minded but he always made off color remarks and told the worst jokes I have ever heard! This was going to be long twelve hours and I would be worried about Ryan the entire time. I just sat silently in the passenger seat of the patrol car and prayed for a quiet day. Ryan.* I woke up puzzled. I had no idea where I was. Everything was so white and it smelt like disinfectant. I glanced to my right. There was a guy in the other bed. Where in the hell was I? A nurse came in to check my temperature. I looked at her. "Am I in hospital?" She looked at me and paused. Probably wondering what the punch line was. "Seriously. I'm in hospital right?" She took my pulse. "Yes Officer. That's exactly where you are. Don't you remember? Apparently you were at the store buying milk and collapsed. The clerk called the ambulance and well...here you are. You have a mild infection that's all. You need to stay here and rest." In a way I was relieved. At least this way I could avoid Ian for a few days and maybe things would cool off a little. "Do you think I could have something for my shoulder? It's really starting to hurt." "I'll get the Doctor to put in an order for some pain medication. It will take a little while so try and get some rest ok?" Her shoes squeaked on the polished floor. I tried hard to sleep but between my shoulder aching and Ian's face making cameo appearances I was out of luck. I hoped he was ok because I at least wanted him for a friend. * End of Chapter Two. I know they're kind of short but with my schedule it's all I can manage at one time sorry. I'm glad you're all enjoying them though. Next one is coming soon! Blessings Taylor. Code Blue Ch. 03 Code Blue..Chapter three....Sorry it's taken me so long to get this one done, I've had the flu for the past few days so send some healthy vibes my way please! Thanks for such a positive response to this story. Someone asked me in an email if I was a police or fireman I am neither actually. That's way too heroic for me. I'm just an ordinary guy working with sick people, that's it. Enjoy! Blessings Taylor. Ian* After my very long shift with dick head Trip, I wanted to go see Ryan but I was worried about his reaction plus saying or doing something else that would freak him out. I decided on going home to take a shower and hopefully get some sleep then see him when I was rested and thinking clearly. Normally riding my bike lifted my spirits but as I rode home it did little to lighten my mood. I kept playing the scene of Ryan launching himself off the stool to get away from me over and over, torturing myself. As a teenager I knew I was a little different from most of my friends and sure I had had crushes before but I had never allowed anything to happen. In spite of my friends telling me that I was way too softly spoken to become a police officer I did it anyway. I got to laugh at most of them at my graduation ceremony and I have to admit that even I was surprised that I had actually passed all of my training. I had worked in a few other precincts before but I never really felt connected to any of them. My partners had never taken the time to show me the ropes and I was treated like a nuisance. Ryan was the first experienced officer that took me under his wing and made sure that I was doing ok and I wasn't even his partner. That alone showed me what kind of man he was. So naturally I had fallen hard. For the first time I had allowed my guard to come down and the guy that I had fallen for has not only lost his partner but the man he loved. That was just my kind of luck! Ryan was a train wreck at the moment and in spite of the chance that I was going to get badly hurt I just couldn't leave him when he needed someone the most. I arrived home and dragged myself inside. I thought about a shower but I was just too tired to care. I took the time to slip off my shoes and then collapsed into bed. I was asleep in minutes. Ryan* My head was fuzzy and I assumed it was from either my fever or the medication they were giving me, either way it felt great. I didn't even know what day it was but some of the guys had stopped by to see how I was doing. The one person I was hoping to visit hadn't yet but there was always hope. This had never happened to me before, having feelings for two men at once. I loved Mark more than Ian but maybe that was because I had known Mark for so long? If I gave Ian a chance maybe I would love him just as much. I knew now how husbands and wives felt when one passed away. You want to move on but you feel like you are betraying the others memory. I didn't always want to be alone but I was scared of hurting like this again. It was true that Mark had told me of course that he loved his wife but the heart wants what it wants. There was never any awkwardness or hard feelings between us after our "little chat" which only made me love him more. I didn't want any guarantees that I wouldn't loose Ian too but I wasn't sure that I would emotionally survive another hit. He still hadn't stopped by and I was unsure of what that meant so I spent my time trying to figure out what it meant and driving myself crazy. I stared out the window. It had begun to rain and the drops hit the window and broke apart. I realized that that was like my life right now. Things were fine until you hit a window and broke into pieces. Why did everything have to be so complicated! I let myself drift off just letting myself forget for a while. I looked over at Mark and raised my eyebrows in a question. Should we go or wait? He shrugged so I took the lead and we moved into the alley. It was quiet. Too quiet. Every nerve in my body was on hyper alert. We moved in single file clearing the way with each tentative step. I had told dispatch to call for lights and sirens off to the responding units. We didn't want this guy knowing we had help coming. Thinking it was just us and him would make him cocky and hopefully he would show his hand and make a mistake. Like usual the crims always had superior firepower, which automatically put us at a disadvantage. This particular guy had a long history of violence and seemed to enjoy inflicting pain on anyone he could get his hands on. We scanned the darkness all the while moving between the trash cans being careful not to give our position away. There was a soft call on my radio. "The cavalry is here boys. Where are you?" It was one of the responding units. This guy was toast now. He was officially out numbered. "Go left of our car. We're about half way down the alley. He's in here somewhere so be careful you guys." As lead officer I sent the two men down ahead of us and then onto an adjacent lane way while Mark and I took the alley. I heard another vehicle arrive. "Hey where is everyone?" It was Ian and his partner. I sent a whispered reply. "Go straight ahead then down the alley. We're about half way. Keep it quiet." There was a small movement over to our right, near one of the huge dumpsters. I signaled for Mark to come with me and sent Ian and Trip to cover us from the side. I could feel the adrenaline racing through my veins and the tension was palpable. Mark and I moved slowly forward with Ian and Trip watching our backs. There was a loud rustle then an enormous rat ran between us and disappeared into the darkness. We all froze for a second then laughed; letting our guard down for just a minute. A minute is all it took. Trip was the first to go down under gunfire and we all hit the deck. "There's more than one!" I screamed. "Watch the fire escape!" I tried to reach Trip but I couldn't without getting hit. He lay there gasping for air, blood pooling around his lips and trickling down his chin. "Trip it's ok. I'll get you! Stay there!" Mark yelled into his radio. "Dispatch! We need assistance immediately. We are under heavy fire with one officer down! Send everything you have!" The night exploded with gunfire. I heard screaming from the other lane way. God they were being hit there too! The whole thing seemed to be an ambush. No one could move. We were pinned down. I signaled to Ian to stay put. I looked at his face. It was white with shock and disbelief. I knew he was going to run. "No Ian! Don't do it. Stay there!" I fired off a couple of shots and crawled over to his side. I wrapped my arms around him. He was shivering violently. "Listen to me. It's going to be ok." He struggled against me. I knew he was terrified. I had to let him go to protect us and the second I did he was off running. I heard Mark yell and send off cover fire. I saw Ian's body convulse as he was hit in the back. Blood sprayed out and his knees buckled. It was like in the movies. Everything slowed down and the more I tried to reach Ian the further away he got. I felt something hit me and my knee was on fire. Ian was writhing on the ground. Mark yelled at me to be still but I didn't want to leave Ian out there. I half crawled to where he was laying not paying any attention to the bullets flying over my head. At least three other units had arrived by now so it was an all out war. I dragged Ian over to a wall to give us some cover. "Ian, it's ok. Just hang on. It's going to be ok." I knew he didn't believe me. He was a rookie, not stupid. He had been hit at least three times and I couldn't slow the bleeding down. I felt a sharp pain in my side. I had been hit again. Mark was doing his best to cover us but it was futile. The other units had taken shelter behind their squad cars and were only concerned with getting us out. I heard Mark yell and clutch his stomach. Oh God! Now I was torn between saving Ian or Mark. Ian became heavy in my arms. I drew his face up to mine. "Don't you die on me you son-of-a-bitch. You hold on dammit!" A small smile curled Ian's lips. Then nothing. "No! Ian stay with me buddy. Come on!" All of a sudden things got very quiet. Everything just stopped. I watched as feet approached me. I heard yelling and the sound of running. It was over. I felt the muzzle of a gun being pressed to my head. I looked up. "Just do it! Get it over with." I challenged. He knelt and looked at me. "Death is too good for you pig. Live with this." He disappeared into the alley. I laid my head down on the hard ground. I felt hands grabbing me. "We've got you now officer. You're ok." I looked at my fellow work mates. Didn't they understand? Nothing would ever be ok again. I woke with a start, tears streaming down my face and Ian sitting beside me holding my hand. His eyes were also full of tears. He looked down and quickly brushed them away. "I....I didn't want to wake you. I thought it was best to just wait it out." He squeezed my hand. I looked at our fingers joined together on the white hospital sheet. They looked right together. They had been made to compliment the other. That's what sacred me so. That fear turned me into a coward. Someone who just wanted not to hurt anymore. A man that I was not proud of but out of a pure instinct to just "get by" was someone I understood. I had to hurt him badly enough so he would stay away. The knowledge of that hurt worse than any bullet. "Ian..." I began. "I know you have feelings for me but....I don't have those same feelings for you. I don't love you Ian. I don't want to learn to love you and I don't want you to wait for me. What I want is for you to just leave me alone." I watched as the carnage of those words devastated his face. He withdrew his hand from mine as though he had been bitten. "Ryan. Why are you doing this? I know you're lying to me. I know you're hurting and you're scared but don't push me away, please." He stood and began to pace the small room. But he was still here. I needed to hurt him more. "Ian." I ground out between gritted teeth. "You need to understand. I want you to leave. Leave here and leave me alone. I'm not asking, I'm telling. Ok? Just go." He turned to look at me. His lower lip trembling, trying so hard not to cry. God. Give me the strength to see this through. His mouth opened to say something then closed again. His hands curled into fists. I hoped he would hit me just to make me feel better. He lent in close to my face. "Ok I'll go. But I want you to know what you're missing out on. I never knew you were such a coward Ryan." He kissed me then. Hard and with so much passion it took my breath away. Before I could stop myself I lent into the kiss and groaned. Then there was an empty space where Ian had been. I watched him walk away. I took a deep shaky breath and closed my eyes. Well I had gotten what I wanted. So how come I felt like such an asshole? I pounded my fist on the bed. Now I just wanted to beg Ian to forgive me but I knew I wouldn't. Through divine intervention a nurse chose that moment to come in and top me up with the good stuff. Just for a while I let myself forget. Ian* I left Ryan's room and I had no idea where I was going. I was so pissed with him but I knew why he had just hurt me. He didn't want to loose me too so he pushed me away before I left. So now what was I going to do? I really wanted to give him the peace that he so desperately wanted but I loved him too much to just give up so easily. Maybe if I transferred out but still near by and gave him some space he would realize that we could have something wonderful together? I thought about just going out and getting totally shit-faced but I didn't like to drink. I sat on my bike for a few minutes to clear my head. My uncle had a cabin way out in the middle of nowhere that I hadn't been to in a long time. Now may be the perfect time to just get away. I think I still had his number some where at home. He had always told me that I could use it whenever I wanted. I smiled then for the first time in days. It wasn't what Ryan wanted, time to think about us but he didn't know how stubborn I could be either. I felt better now that I had some kind of a plan. It gave me some comfort to know that unless I said so, things with Ryan weren't over, not yet. I rode home enjoying the sun on my back. I had some leave owing to me so I stopped in at work on the way home and cleared it with the duty officer. I had two weeks to just get away and hope and pray that Ryan would come to his senses. I discarded the idea of transferring. Out of sight, out of mind and all that. If he didn't want to admit his feelings for me that was fine but I wasn't going to make it easy. No way. I still had most of the day left so I was going to go home, call my uncle and get out of here. The cabin was only about three hours away and I had given work the details of where I would be so Ryan could find me if he really wanted too. Ok yes I know. Another short one..Sorry! Code Blue Ch. 04 Code Blue...Final Chapter. Ryan* After three more days in hospital I was finally released. Not before the doctor gave me a thorough scolding about taking it easy blah blah blah. I practically begged him to let me go back to work and he agreed after making me promise I would take desk duties for the next two weeks. I rolled my eyes in disgust but agreed anyway just to get out of there. He left me with one last threat. "I do know where you work you know. Don't make me call and make sure you're actually going to do what you just agreed too." He softened that statement with a smile. Hmm...He was also pretty darned cute! I knew I was on the mend now. But there was one guy in particular that I had to make up with. After lying in bed with nothing to do but think I really began to regret the way I had treated Ian. I still wasn't sure about what I wanted but I knew that if Ian was still talking to me then I would see that as a sign that maybe things weren't hopeless after all. I needed to get home and wash the hospital smell off me and eat something that actually resembled food then maybe I would stop by the precinct and see if Ian was working today. I guess my car was still impounded after I collapsed at the store so I haled a cab and headed home. Actually getting my car back was a great excuse to stop in at work. God listen to me! I was sounding more like a lovesick teenager with every minute that passed. I felt someone shaking me. It was the cab driver. I guess I fell asleep on the way home. I paid him and was about to put the key in the lock and I noticed an envelope taped to my door. Curious I took it down and brought it inside. I dropped my bag and sat on the couch with the note. I didn't recognize the handwriting and then I read "Dear Ryan" and I knew it was from Ian. My heart skipped a little. I left it on the couch for a minute and came back with some water. Suddenly my throat had gone dry. "Dear Ryan, After I left the hospital the other day I was really pissed at you and very hurt. I wasn't sure what you were doing until I thought about it a little more. I realized that you are terrified of loosing someone you care about again so you had to make sure I left you before that could happen. And you know, that makes sense but it's also a cowards way of life and that's not who you are. I know that you are hurting from Mark passing and that's ok, you will probably never stop missing him. But do you really believe that he would want his best friend and partner to sit back and let life pass him by? You aren't honoring his memory by behaving this way. I decided to get away from things for a while. I left details at work just in case you want to talk or come see me. I know you have feelings for me and it's no secret that I have them for you. In fact, in spite of my best efforts I seem to have fallen in love with you. I don't give up easily so I will wait until you're ready however long it takes ok? Thinking Of You Ian." Wow. I didn't realize I had been holding my breath and it came out in a whoosh. Now that was some letter. It left me feeling giddy and scared but also smiling like a fool. It gave me great comfort to know that Ian wasn't going to rush me or insist that I act on my feelings until I felt ready but I also didn't want to leave him hanging around in limbo either. It wasn't fair and it certainly wasn't the way I did things. He was right. I was behaving like a coward and Mark would be really mad at me if he were still here. I sent my gaze to the heavens. Well my friend I guess this is where we find out just what kind of man I really am. God I miss you. I left the note on the couch and took a shower then guzzled down about a pound of pasta before curling up in bed with the note still in my hand. I was looking forward to finding out where Ian was and then proving to him that I wanted something more than just friendship with him. Ian* I arrived at my uncle's cabin just on dusk. I got off my bike and let the peace and beauty of this place wash over me. There was a small lake near by with plenty of fish according to Uncle Henry but my skills certainly would leave the fish feeling safe from capture. This was just what I needed. The last few weeks had been very stressful and I was exhausted emotionally and physically. I left a note on Ryan's door, which I hoped he read once he got out of hospital. I knew I would be on pins and needles waiting to see what he would do but I also had resigned myself to no result at all. I knew he was hurting badly from Mark and I didn't want to compete with that but I wanted him to be clear about my feelings too. I told him that I would wait but how long was that going to be? I was normally a patient person but this time it was going to be hard to wait. I didn't have a Plan B if this one fell through. I guess I was just hoping that I wouldn't need one. I took my one small bag inside and orientated myself with where things were in the cabin. It was simple and neat and would suit my needs perfectly. I opened the fridge. Ah yes trust Uncle Henry. It was well stocked with assorted beer. When he came here that was all he lived on. Beer and fish. Of course that also explained having a cholesterol level so high that the doctors called him a walking miracle because he hadn't dropped dead of a heart failure yet. I moved about the cabin then went upstairs to the solitary bedroom. I saw Ryan and I lying there exploring each other. I couldn't wait to taste him and feel him against me. I hardened and blushed all at once and went back downstairs. I moved into the forest to search out some wood for the fire. I noticed a few cans in the cupboard so it was going to be mystery night until I could get to the market the next day. Most of it was wet but I found enough small pieces to get a good fire going. Now all I need is Ryan here. I ate an interesting combination of tuna, crackers and a slightly stale bowl of cereal, dry of course because there wasn't any milk. I noticed a small diner on the way in so I was looking forward to stopping there for breakfast. I spread myself out on the leather couch, resting my head on a small lumpy pillow and let my thoughts wander. It would be heaven if Ryan had the guts to come find me and we could spend some time here together. I drifted off to sleep imagining Ryan's arms around me and my head resting on his chest. Ryan* The next day I went into work to get my jeep back and bug the Sargent about where Ian was. As I walked through the precinct the guys welcomed me back. I got my ticket for the jeep and went to the impound yard to get it back. I was grateful that I worked here because I couldn't afford the $200 it would have taken. I went back inside and tried to be very casual about asking for Ian's whereabouts. Apparently casual isn't my middle name because as I left the Sarge winked. "Go get him tiger." I am sure my entire body turned purple. I just smiled and drove away as quickly as possible. I had no idea where Silver Lake was so I had to stop and ask for directions. It wasn't until I was half way there that I noticed I didn't pack any clothes. You moron! I berated myself. So I had to turn around and go back to get a few things. I didn't even have to ask about time off it was just assumed that I wanted some so my shifts were covered for the next week. So I had an entire week to either fix things with Ian or screw them up even more. If it didn't work out the way I hoped then I would have the rest of the week to get very drunk before I went back to work. Packing a bag I returned to the road once more and began the three-hour drive to Silver Lake. I fidgeted most of the way and stopped at a small gas station to take a leak and grab a drink. According to "Jake" the guy wearing the filthy coveralls Silver Lake consisted of a few stores and because of the lake was mostly a summer town. "Don't know why you'd wanna go this time a year. It's awful quiet." He drawled. Little did he know that was exactly what I was hoping for. "Jake" tipped his hat at me as I left. I made it to Silver Lake around 4.30pm and the first place I saw was a very cute little diner so I stopped in to have an early supper. As I sat at the counter I felt the nervousness start in the pit of my stomach. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I startled when a booming voice said "Hi stranger. We don't get many of you this time of year. You lost?" I looked at the mountain of a man sitting beside me. I tried unsuccessfully not to stare and wondered if this was one of those small towns that people stopped at and were never heard from again. I smirked at the thought and earnt a suspicious look from my counter buddy. "Maybe you could help me? I'm looking for a cabin out on Jones Road. Do you know where that is?" The mountain with legs scratched his beard and boomed over at the waitress. "Hey Noreen! That old place out on Jones Road. Ain't that Henry's place? You know right on the lake?" Noreen stirred from reading her gossip magazine and came over. "Hi hon. You lookin for Henry's old place? Let me see that paper." She looked at the address I had hastily written down before I left. "Yep. That's Henry's place alright." They both looked at me expectantly. Noreen felt the need to add. "Yep. Henry's nephew arrived the other day. Cute as a button." For at least the second time today I found myself blushing. Noreen bent forward exposing her rather ample bosom. "If you take a left at the end of that road then go about five miles. It will be the last place on the right." Mountain man gave me a little shove that nearly sent me off the stool. "Ok thanks. I'll just eat my burger then head off." They looked at me like what are you waiting for? I finished my burger in two huge mouthfuls and paid my tab. 'Well thanks again. I'll probably be seeing you around. I'm hoping to stay for the week." I have no idea why I volunteered that information but they absorbed it with great interest. I waved and escaped out into the crisp fall air. God this place was beautiful. A little odd but lovely all the same. I took a deep cleansing breath. So this is it. I got back in my jeep and followed Noreen's directions, which wasn't hard considering Jones Road was the only other main road in the whole town. I gave myself a pep talk on the way there. Come on. You can do this. Every day you face down criminals. This is a cakewalk. There it was. Last place on the right. Wow. It was really a cabin. Not one of those fake wood ones. This was definitely made out of trees. There was a small lake that I could see hiding behind some Aspen trees. This was some place. I saw movement on the porch. Ian appeared and came slowly down the steps. A small smile on his lips. I pasted one on my face and got out. Lord have mercy on me. Ian* He's here! Ryan is actually here! He looked thin and a little tired but I have never had a problem with taking care of someone I love so that was ok with me. I tried not to run at him and wrap him up in my arms. He looked like he was headed for the firing squad. Ok just take it easy. I reminded myself. I walked up to him. "Well hi. How are you? I'm glad that you're here Ryan." He looked at his feet then back at me. "I'm doing ok thanks." I noticed that he was still favoring his right side. He winced a little as he stretched. "So are you staying? Or is this just a quick visit?" The last thing I wanted to do was pressure him but I needed to know where things were headed. Ryan opened his mouth and then swallowed hard. "Well if it's ok with you I bought a bag. So I guess I'm staying?" He moved to the passenger side of his jeep and got his bag out. I went to take it from him and our fingers brushed. It was just a small touch but enough to shake me. I knew he felt it too. Ryan gave up his bag and followed me inside. I took him on the penny tour and then pointed out the lake. "It's a shame it's getting cold. We could have gone swimming." I arched my eyebrows suggestively making him blush. Lord he was adorable. I had already been into town that morning and thank God I got food because I knew we could both pack away the calories. If things went the way I hoped then we would need all the energy we could get. "I have enough wood collected to start a small forest fire so let's go inside ok?" We both moved for the door at the same time. Ok this time there was no stopping myself. I lent in and took in his wonderful smell and brushed the back of his neck with my lips. I felt him shiver and then moan quietly. "It's ok." I whispered. "I'm not going to rush you. I just needed to know that you feel the same way. And now I do." I smiled against his skin. I longed to take him in my arms and take all the pain of the last few weeks away. I let him go inside first and motioned for him to sit while I got the fire going. I felt Ryan watching me as I moved around and I enjoyed it. I was determined to let him make the first move so he could have some control over the situation. The fire was looking good so I sat beside him on the couch. He was staring at the fire with his long legs stretched out before him. He looked so uncertain and lost. My heart ached for him. I decided to ease things a little. "Ryan. I'm so glad you're here. I wasn't' sure if you would want to find me. I told you in that note that I wasn't going to rush you and I meant it. It's going to be ok." He looked at me then with such relief in his eyes that I drew him into my arms to comfort him. I rubbed his back in small soothing circles and felt all his tension melt away. This is what we both needed. We still had things to talk about but for right now the physical touch of another human being was something priceless. He let his head fall onto my shoulder and rested against me. "I am so tired Ian. Everything inside hurts and I just want it all to stop. I want to be with you I really do. I just can't go through this again. I don't know what to do." His arms went around me and I felt the dampness of tears against my neck. I rocked him slowly and hoped he knew just how much I wanted this to work out. I knew he wasn't used to not being in control of things and it scared him. He was a different person in that uniform. Confident and secure in any situation but this whole thing with Mark had shaken him to the core and he was drowning. I drew him up to his feet and took his hand. He looked at me questioningly but I didn't say a word. I led him to the bedroom and crouched to take his boots off. I rubbed my hands up his thighs as I moved to his shirt. His hands went to stop me but I just pushed them away. I got him to lay down and put the quilt over him. I lent and kissed his lips gently. "Sleep. We'll talk more when you're not so in need of rest." His eyes welled with unshed tears and he nodded silently. I sat with him for a few minutes and that was all it took. His breathing deepened as sleep took him and the tension left his face. I smiled. At long last. A man in my bed that I actually loved. I went back to the living area to check on the fire and be alone with my thoughts. I wasn't hungry and I didn't know how long Ryan would sleep for but I had plenty of food in the cupboards now so we could eat when he woke. Ryan* I woke with a start in total darkness and it took a while to remember where I was. I looked at the other half of the bed expecting to see Ian there but it was empty. I went downstairs and there was Ian. Looking very uncomfortable with his large frame draped across the couch. How could I not love him? He had been true to his word. The little caresses were enough to let me know that he wanted to be with me but there was absolutely no pressure behind them. He had even let me have the bed for God's sake. I sat on one of the over-stuffed chairs and just watched him. I knew now that I would do anything to make this work. If it meant leaving my job, moving somewhere else I would do it. I went into the kitchen to get something to drink and decided to start us something to eat. I looked at the time...5.30am...If I was quiet enough I wouldn't wake Ian until it was time to eat. As I moved around, orientating myself with where things were kept, I found that I enjoyed being here. It didn't feel awkward or strained. I could picture Ian and I in our own home. Sharing a meal together or just relaxing with the Sunday paper. I wanted a relationship with him not just a one-time thing. I found the makings of a good breakfast and set to work. I guess the noise combined with the smell woke Ian because when I turned around he was standing there watching me. I grinned and blushed. "I hope you don't mind but I wanted to make us some breakfast. Sorry to wake you." Ian just walked over to me and hugged me close to his chest. This is where I was meant to be. It was home. I pulled his face to mine and planted a kiss on him but he drew away. "I have morning breath and I don't know about you but I'm starving. We have a lot of time to really get to know each other." He took my hand and we sat at the table. We made small talk over breakfast and he must have a fast metabolism because if I ate like he did I would be the size of a house. I watched fascinated as he packed the food away. He finished the meal with a huge glass of milk and a hearty burp. His face went red with embarrassment and I laughed out loud. "I'll take that as a compliment." Now I felt nervous and unsure. What do I do now? He disappeared into the bathroom for a moment so I cleared the table. Ian came back and took my hand and we sat on the couch. "Let's get a fire going and we can relax and talk and......" I found myself blushing once again. It was something that I wished wouldn't happen but I had no control over it. Ian chuckled. " Sounds good." We both went outside to get more wood. Ryan & Ian* It was so cute the way Ryan was all nervous and I knew he had no idea what to do next. Truthfully I didn't either. I knew his suggestion of making a fire was just a way for him to think about the next step to take but I went along with it because it would really be nice to sit with him by the fire. We moved together as if we had already been a couple for a long time. I felt so at home and comfortable around him. Ian kept glancing at me and I loved every minute of it. I was aching to touch him but I wasn't sure how to go about it. I mean I had been with other guys before but I didn't want to screw this up by doing something stupid. We sat down together and I deliberately sat so our legs were touching and I twined his fingers with mine. Our breathing hitched up a notch. "Is this ok?" Stupid question I know. Ian didn't answer but lent in and brushed my lips with his. His breath was minty so I knew he had hastily brushed his teeth. I smiled at his consideration of me. We both moaned a little as our passion increased. I moved in closer and held his face between my hands so I could really kiss him hard. My tongue danced over his and explored his mouth. His hands wandered to my shirt and pulled it out of my jeans and rubbed my back. I loved the way his hands moved on my skin. I let go of his face and drew back a little. His cheeks were flushed and his breathing ragged. He looked like I felt. A little out of control and extremely turned on. I wanted this to last for a while so I asked, "Would you dance with me?" He looked at me, eyebrows raised. "I don't want this to be over. Would you? Dance with me?" He nodded so I went to his CD collection. What a mixture but I saw the one I wanted. I may have worked in a city but I am a country boy born and bred so I chose Garth of course. One of my all time favorite songs of his is "Shameless" and if you listen to the words it suited our situation perfectly. I looked to Ian for help to operate the monster sound system. Code Blue Ch. 04 As the music swept over us I hugged him against me and we had a chuckle over who would lead. "Well I'm Shameless when it comes to loving you I'll do anything you want me to I'll do anything at all. I felt Ryan moving in my arms and it just took my breath away. I needed him to know just how important he had become to me in such a short time. I had always had feelings for him but nothing like this. This song could have been written just for us. I swayed against him and let my hands move over his beautiful body. I felt him grow hard against me. I knelt down to slide his shoes and socks off then reached up to unzip his jeans. His hands moved through my hair. He was so hard by now I thought he was going to burst. I nuzzled at his cock through his boxers. Inhaling his scent and enjoying the feeling of him against my lips. I slowly drew his underwear down and just took a moment to look at him. My God but he was beautiful. Cut and smooth and throbbing with desire. I lapped at his swollen head with my tongue, smiling as this made his legs quiver. I reached around to enjoy the smoothness of his ass cheeks with my hands and pushed him further into my mouth. His breath quickened and a growl vibrated low in his throat. "Tell me what you like Ryan. What do you want?" For a moment I think he wasn't capable of answering me. "Just touch me. I don't care what you do. I need you Ian." I pushed against him a little so he would be backed up against the couch and would know to sit down. I still had him firmly entrenched in my mouth and I didn't want to break contact. His knees gave way and he sat heavily. I sucked his cock hard into my throat and swirled my tongue against his length. I glanced up to see his reaction. His head was thrown back and his chest heaved. I pushed his legs further apart and reluctantly moved my mouth away a little. I kissed and sucked my way to his dusky hole and dove right in with my tongue. Ryan grunted in surprise and then melted. He was mewling by now and I was getting so turned on just by the noises he was making that I could have lost control in seconds. I didn't want to come so fast so I stopped Ian from his exploration and brought his face to mine. I crushed his lips against mine and reveled in the feeling of his stubble-covered chin. I practically ripped his shirt open and sucked a nipple into my mouth. He moaned loudly so I knew I had found a tender spot. I sucked it to a hard peak then moved to the other one. Once they were both sufficiently hard and went to work on his navel and stomach. He tasted so good and his scent was spicy and very masculine. I knelt beside him and drew his sweats down over his legs and was surprised and delighted to find no underwear. I teased his hardness with my tongue then before he could come I stopped touching him all together. He whimpered in frustration but I wanted this moment to last. Once he had calmed down a little I renewed my assault on his wonderful cock. He was cut like me and much thicker so it was a challenge to take his entire length into my mouth but with some patience I did it. I tasted a small amount of pre come against my tongue and I knew he was close. Because we had never made love before I didn't know what he preferred, top or bottom. I actually didn't care so I wanted to give him what he needed. "Ian?" He looked at me. "Tell me what you want. Just ask...I'll do anything." I could see his eyes darkening with that dangerous passion that threatens to over take everything. "Make love to me Ryan. I'm yours." I nearly came then and there with those words. He trusted me that much that he was going to give me control. This wasn't a gift that I was going to take lightly. I nodded and moistened my fingers with spit. I slid one finger into his puckered hole and slowly moved it in and out. His back arched and he went from kneeling to just collapsing on the floor. I gently inserted another finger and scissored them apart to open him up a little. I took things easy because I didn't know how experienced he was but he seemed to enjoy my invading his ass. He looked at me with hooded eyes. "Please Ryan. I need you inside me now. Please!" To see him laying there begging me only made me love him more. Suddenly I froze. Condoms!! Fucking hell...I didn't think to bring any. My head sank in defeat and frustration. Ian knew exactly what I was thinking and directed me to the bathroom cabinet. Oh thank God! I think my head would have exploded if we had to stop now! I looked at Ian and took in his beauty and strength. To think I had nearly screwed this up for the both of us. I lay down beside him once more and he took the condom from me and unwrapped it and rolled it onto me. I grew rock hard again at his touch. His hands laced behind my head and he opened himself up for me. I positioned myself at his opening and slid slowly in. Pausing a moment I let him get used to my size. When he nodded that he was ready for more I moved myself closer until I was completely buried inside him. We rocked together and it just felt so right. I felt connected to Ian in a way that I had never had with anyone. I took just a small moment to say a final farewell to Mark. Goodbye my friend. I will always love you but I need to move on. Goodbye. I felt Ian's movements become more frantic so I increased my speed and moved so Ian's legs were on my shoulders. Doing this pushed me deeper inside and we both groaned with pleasure. I looked at Ryan moving above me; his chest glistened with sweat, his eyes closed and I have never seen anything more beautiful. He had taken such care with me and my needs and it left me feeling cherished and loved. Having his body against me and moving inside me was like flying. I knew I was close and from the look on Ryan's face, so was he. I loved having my legs on his shoulders so he had total control over everything. I knew I could trust him not to hurt me. "God Ryan, you feel so good. I love you." I felt my whole body tense and I started to get that boiling feeling deep inside my stomach. "Ryan, come with me ok. I want you to come with me." I whispered, drawing him down to my chest. Ian asked me to come with him and I knew I was going to explode any second. "Ian I'm so close. God I'm so close." I moved against him hard and deep and that was all we both needed to go crashing into oblivion. I threw my head back and in a moment of total abandonment I cried out like some wounded animal. Ian bit into my shoulder and held me inside. I saw tears forming in his eyes and he pulsed inside me filling me to the brim. Oh, I'm Shameless, I just wanted you to know Oh, I'm Shameless, I'm down on my knees Shameless We both settled into each other and let the moment be without saying anything. No matter how eloquent the words, any would have spoiled this gift. Ok folks....that's it.....I hoped you all enjoyed this little journey. I certainly did. I want to thank you for your kind words and support. It has meant a great deal to me. Blessings Taylor.