21 comments/ 42614 views/ 81 favorites Brad's Chance By: armywife2009 "Alright class were done. See you Tuesday." My head shot up as the teacher's voice echoed around the room, snapping me out of my reverie. I hated Psych class. It used to be my favorite class, but after what happened last month, I tried to block out the entire two hours. Looking up I watched as Alex walked towards the door, sighing wistfully as Mike Donovan met him halfway, wrapping his arm around the guy's shoulders and taking his books from him. I hated that man with a passion. A month ago today he took Alex from me. Granted he wasn't really mine, but there could have been potential there. Grabbing my books I had to fight not to sulk towards the door after them. "Hey Brad. You ok?" The little voice behind me caught me off guard and I looked down as Kyle Dixon walked up to me, smiling a shy smile. "Yea I'm fine Kyle. Thanks." I walked out of the classroom without a backward glance at Kyle, not noticing the boy's face fall. I had been in my own little world since that night I was thrown out of Mike Donovan's club. The night Mike and Alex finally got together. I shook my head, clearing the memory because it did me no good remembering it like I did every other night. I wasn't that into Alex, I really wasn't, but it still upset me the way things went down. Walking to my dorm I kept my eyes down, lost in my own thoughts and feeling sorry for myself. It was pathetic it really was, and it was about time I snapped out of it. "Oh Braaaad!" I smiled a little as Jessica Brooks ran over to me, her little cheerleading skirt blowing up in the wind. If I wasn't gay I would have went for her in a heartbeat. Instead she was a pretty good friend. She had an armful of flyers pressed up to her breasts and I raised an eyebrow as she stopped in front of me, practically bouncing. "Ok so I know this month is your total emo month, but we are having the party of a lifetime tonight at the Beta fraternity. I was specifically asked by Adam to invite you, and I really want you to come! We hate how gloomy you are." Frowning I bit my lip between my teeth, "I don't know Jess." She smiled a seductive smile, though she knew it would do much good on me and leaned up, practically whispering, "Alex and Mike Donovan are specifically banned. You know....in case that helps." She smiled a big smile and I couldn't help but smiled back, "Alright what time?" Jessica hugged me tight around the waist, handing me a flyer. "8, and you don't have to worry about bringing your own beer or anything, Adam's dad handled it. You know...rich people." I laughed, folding the flyer and putting it in my back pocket. "He still trying to make up for not being there during Adam's childhood or some shit?" She smiled, twining her arm through mine and walking up to my dorm. She lived on the girl's floor above me, so she knew where I was headed. "Yup. Best way to a man's heart is through his stomach, so fill it with beer and hope it's enough I guess!" I laughed again, realizing this is the first time all month I had laughed this much. We got to my room and I hugged her, holding on longer then I normally did. She didn't mind, she knew instantly why I needed the extra comfort. She folded her body against mine, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and lacing her fingers to hold on tight. I held her close for a good minute, inhaling that comforting lavender scent she seemed to radiate. I dropped my head into her neck and she dropped her arms a little, letting her hands run in little soothing circles around my back. I took a deep breath and let her go slowly, "Thanks Jess. Guess I needed that more than I thought." Jessica smiled, "Anytime Brad, you know that." She turned to walk away and I turned to unlock my door. "Oh. Brad?" I turned to see her standing with her hands on her hips, her eyes holding an evil little glint. "If you're not there by at least 8:30, I will come here and drag you by your hair all the way to the Beta fraternity house. Then I'll let Adam and his friends torture you." I was surprised, I really was. Jess is usually very laidback, taking no for an answer even if she really wanted me to go somewhere. I guess I really had been down. "Ok?" She smiled her cute smile and I shook my head in amazement. "From angel to demon and back again. Ok Jess, I'll be there. I happen to like my hair." She smiled and walked away, looking ever the picture of innocence. I laughed to myself and walked in my dorm. I sighed when I tripped over my roommates combat boots. Kicking the big black clunkers to the side I went to my side and sat down at my desk. If I was emo, then Michael was just plain lost. The kid was small, very small, maybe 5'6, 130 pounds soaking wet and gothic down to his toes. He wore eyeliner, painted his nails black, even his toenails, and had long scraggly black hair. He wore pants with a ridiculous amount of snaps and clips, big black boots, and skin tight black shirts that showed off his ribs, jutting out of his skin. We got along fairly well. He hated my happiness and my nice neutral colors, and I hated that half of our dorm room looked like a haunted house. Other than that we were ok. We talked, joked around, he was actually an alright dude until he left the room. Then his life was back to being a black hole. He was moving out in a week. He was getting transferred to another school closer to home because his mom had gotten pretty sick and the family needed him. I wondered who my new roommate would be but I didn't really care. As long as they didn't touch my shit I was cool. They could even snore, I had an iPod for that. I leaned back in my computer chair and checked my email, then worked on touching up a paper for my government class. I found ways to keep busy for the next few hours and by the time 7:30 rolled around I was already dressed, pacing around the room. I was debating this. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to go out. Then again why not? Because I was afraid to get attracted to someone just because ONE guy got away? Not to mention I really didn't want to face Jessica when she was angry. At 8:02 I sighed, making up my mind. I grabbed my phone and my jacket and walked out of the door before I could rethink the decision. I had to get back out there if I ever hoped to have another date again. I walked across campus to the Beta fraternity house and knocked on the door. Adam, one of the leaders of the fraternity smiled, pretending to act disappointed. "Man I really wanted to watch Jess drag you over here to let us have our way with you." I laughed, walking past him into the big house, "Yea ill just bet you did Adam." Still smiling he closed the door, clapping me on the back as we walked into the living room where the party was already started. Only about 20 people were here so far, but I knew around 9 it would really start filling up. No one says no to a party at the Beta fraternity. All of the men in this house came from rich families and daddies with deep pockets. They threw the best parties. It also was pretty cool being best friends with one of them; Adam bought me my 120gb i Pod for my 21 birthday. I bought him a stripper. Every friendship has its perks. I got a beer from the table by the keg, smiling at the two in the corner, backups, just waiting to be unveiled. Adam always wanted me over early to his parties. I was 6'3 and pretty well built, I was an asset when it came to setting up. "Brad! Little help man!" I swear it's like they read my mind some days. Adam was trying to hang up a big speaker in one of the corners and was struggling. Putting my beer down I reached up, holding the speaker in place for him. As soon as he got it and I let my arms fall I was tackled, a little body hitting me from the side. Looking up, startled I smiled as Jess playfully held my arms down. "Yes! I knew you'd come. We've missed you so much Brad we really have." I grinned and rolled her over, plopping her on her butt and standing up. "Aw...and I've missed you to Jess. So easy to throw around!" She stood up and popped me on the back of the head with a smile before walking over and kissing Adam soundly on the mouth. They dated...sometimes. I guess it really depended on what week it was. They were best friends always though, we made an interesting little trio some days. I told myself I would at least stay two hours, but by 9:45 I was ready to go. Everyone was trashed already, and more people were still coming in, though we had to have easily reached 100 by now. Jessica and Adam waved at me as they stumbled upstairs to his room, tipsy but not trashed; they didn't like getting to drunk. Adam did have to set an example and keep things remotely calm after all. I waited until they were out of eyesight and turned to go; I was beyond done. I usually loved parties like this, because I was drunk along with everyone else and having a good time. Tonight I didn't want to drink, and without being drunk yourself, other drunk people just aren't that much fun really. I was walking towards the door and ran smack into someone else, knocking the smaller man on his back. "Oh shit I'm so sorry." I said, reaching down and grabbing the guy's hand, pulling him to his feet. Kyle Dixon's startled green eyes met mine, and I don't know if it was the little bit of alcohol I had in my system or what, but I realized I had never noticed how vibrantly green his eyes were. "Oh it's ok Brad, it's so crowded in here I'm surprised everyone isn't falling over each other." I didn't really hear what he said, I was too busy finally noticing him. I ran my eyes over his body once, twice, and finally a third time. He was about 6", maybe 200 pounds, small but not scrawny. He had pale skin, but a nice complexion, and his brown hair was long enough to fall into his eyes, which I thought was adorable. I realized I still had his hand as he looked down at it, my big hand engulfing his. I let him go slowly, not really wanting to and missing his skin on mine as soon as it was gone. "Yea, it's really crazy in here. Well sorry for knocking you down. Later man." This was a little too close to home for me. He made me feel things I honestly didn't want to feel. I walked past him and he frowned, trying to follow me but not being able to get around the sea of bodies fast enough. I wasn't huge but I was well built, and I pushed people out of my way easily. Kyle however, didn't. By the time he got outside I was long gone, already walking up the steps to my building. I walked inside, rolling my eyes at the pounding music that was blaring from Micheal's stereo. He was engrossed in a book, probably one of those weird science fiction things he read. He once tried to get me on the roof to see if we could hear for aliens or some shit. I thought he was on acid but he swore he wasn't. Walking over without glancing at him I turned it down, feeling instant relief in my temples and sighing gratefully. Michael sat up as I plopped down heavily on my bed. "Okaaay. Apparently the party wasn't as fun as you thought it was going to be? What to many happy drunks?" I rolled my eyes to his and glared. He put his hands up in mock surrender and laid back down, opening his book where he left off. "Ok, I'll talk to you later then skippy." I ignored him as I thought about Kyle's eyes. I couldn't seem to get them out of my head. The wall that I kept up around my heart was chipping, I could feel it. All I could think about was his skin on mine, and that look he gave me like he wanted to jump my bones. I started thinking then, of all the little times we had talked. Was he flirting with me? When I dropped my books and he picked them up, making sure his fingers lingered over mine; yea ok so maybe that was flirting. Also the time when I asked him for a pencil and he pretended to drop it, bending over to get it and flashing me a nice view of his tight little ass. Ok maybe I was a little more oblivious than I thought. Did I like him though? The boner straining against my zipper refused to allow my mind to think of anything but yes to that question. Lust was easy. Was I ready to let someone in though? That's the part I didn't know. I sighed deeply, relaxing into my soft bed and telling myself to stop thinking so hard. I mean it wasn't like we were going to start dating tomorrow. Hell I wouldn't even see him again until Tuesday. That gave me the entire weekend and Monday to figure out what I wanted to do. I balked at the thought of getting close to someone. Alex, yea I would have tried. I knew Alex though, we had talked a dozen times, though I doubted he knew my name half the time. I hardly knew Kyle at all. Besides what if he was skittish, and despite the heat in his eyes he really just wanted to be friends. I decided to wait and see if he came to me, and if he did...well I guess I'd figure that one out then. Chapter two: friends or more? I can honestly say that it was the longest weekend of my life. I went to another party with Adam and Jess on Saturday, but I left early after I realized that every time the door opened I was looking for brown hair and green eyes. This was silly, I felt like I was in high school all over again, trying to sneak a peek at my crush. Next step was going out of my way to go to places he might be so I could "accidentally" bump into him. I wasn't going to do that, I just don't have much patience when it comes to waiting for people to come to me. Tuesday was a good day. Kyle looked up as I came into class, smiling at me. I smiled back, going to my regular seat in the row underneath him. I didn't turn around though I wanted to. I didn't know why I was getting so worked up over this kid. I didn't even want a serious relationship, and I never let guys get to me this much. Well, not usually anyway. A little slip of paper dropped in front of me and I frowned at it. Opening it up I smiled, having serious high school flashbacks as I saw Kyle's neat handwriting. "What's your number? I'd much rather text than write notes :)" I bit my lip not to laugh and wrote my number down on the paper, taking my phone out and turning it on silent. Not even a minute later I got a text from a number I didn't know. "Got plans tonight?--Kyle" I saved his number and thought about it for a minute. How eager did I want to seem. I liked him, I knew that, but how fast did I want this to go. "Not so far--Brad" There we go, that wasn't too eager, but it opened up the door so he could make a move if he wanted to. Man the art of dating was more complicated then I remembered. "Clash of the Titans. Cinema 14. 7:30. Wanna go?--Kyle" I didn't bother typing my name now, I was pretty sure he knew who I was. I didn't think to long about this one. "Yea y not. Wanna meet there?" I heard him take a deep breath and I smiled to myself. Did he really think I was gonna say no? Come on now, I wasn't that dense. "Yea that's fine. I'll text you when I get there. I'll buy drinks :)" I thought the little smiley was cute, then shook my head, not believing I was already referring to his little quarks as cute. I even liked that he had dropped the name thing to. "Alright sounds good. C u then." I closed my phone, not expecting a reply, and didn't notice when it went off again. I walked out of class smiling. I didn't even notice Alex and his boyfriend. Nor did I notice the way Alex watched Kyle and I as we walked out of the door, a knowing smile on his lips. That night I was getting ready when Adam and Jessica walked in my room, Michael behind them. He didn't stay long, just dumped his stuff on the floor, as always, and headed out. He had a poetry...soul talking thing tonight. Adam plopped down on Michael's bed and Jess sat in his lap. "So what are you looking so snazzy for?" I grinned, debating whether to tuck my shirt in or leave it untucked. "Got a date with Kyle Dixon tonight." I swear if Jessica didn't have good balance Adam would have dumped her to the floor he stood up so quick. "No freakin way! Yes! You go dude! He's a cute little thing." I looked at him in surprise; Adam was as straight as they came...wasn't he? Ignoring my look he came over and untucked my shirt, smoothing it down and unbuttoning the top button at my collar. "Much better." I knew I must have looked amazed because Jessica started laughing, walking over to wrap her arm around Adam's waist. "Guess he forgot to mention the Bi thing huh?" I just nodded, beyond astonished. Adam and I had been really good friends since freshman year, spending many a night in the same bed after late night study sessions. I knew better than to touch him; straight guys are usually weird around gay guys period, let alone when we touch them. I hadn't had to worry though, because he always ended up with his body pressed against the line of mine. I never thought anything of it, figuring it was an accident. Guess I was wrong. Adam laughed, hugging me in a close hug, for once not doing the guy one armed hug. I hesitated a moment before hugging him back awkwardly. "Sorry man. I just guessed you'd figure it out. I've learned though, thanks to you and a few other friends that gay guys seem to have the worse gaydar of anyone I know." I laughed, shaking my head a little, still a bit shocked. "Sorry. I guess we do yea. I never would have guessed. You're not gonna like jump me in the shower right?" I grinned at him, saying the same thing he had said to me when he found I was gay back in freshman year. He smiled, obviously relieved, though I'm not sure why. What did he expect, that I of all people was going to freak out? That'd be a bit hypocritical, or at least to me it would be. Adam didn't take rejection well, his wall around his heart making mine look like a piece of paper. Jessica and I were his closest friends and I didn't even know half of what there was to know about him. "Well I think I can control myself. But you know, lock the door just to make sure." I smiled, reaching onto my desk to get my hair gel. I spiked my hair most days, and I usually made it look good, but today I wanted something different. I didn't really know what though. I stood there for a good minute before Jessica walked up, taking the hair gel from me. "I got it hun." Twenty minutes later and I had a sexily tousled look. It was true what they say, she spent 19 minutes making it perfect, and the last minute was her running her hands through it, shaking it and messing it up. It was the most pointless thing I have ever seen, but I had to admit, the tousled look showed the blonde in my hair, and made my eyes stand out even more. I was more than a little nervous when I looked at the clock, noting it was already 7:12. "Shit guys I got to go. Thanks for stopping by though. I promise to text one of you and let you know how it goes ok?" They walked me out, Jessica kissing my cheek and wishing me luck. At that point I was a jumble of nerves, and I was just happy that my hand wasn't shaking when I reached for my door handle on my Mazda. It was like this was Alex. I was so eager to pick him up, and take him to that damn club. I wanted him to get inside my wall, I wanted him to break down that which kept everyone else out. I didn't even know what I wanted now. Pulling up at the theater at 7:22 I quickly parked and got out. I pulled my cell phone out so I would see if he called and frowned at the little blinking box on my screen. "I can't wait. :)" It was from Kyle, received at 1:13, right after class had started. I guess I hadn't noticed that one. Seeing it made me smile, and as if on cue the phone lit up in my hand, flashing his name. "Hello?" I kept my voice calm though my stomach disagreed. "Hey, looking good hott stuff. Got a hot date waitin for ya?" Brad's Chance I grinned, looking around but not seeing him. "Yea, just this guy I know. No big. You can take his place if you want." I knew how to play along, I thought it was sexy that he was this laid back and relaxed. I liked guys that could joke around. "Well your butt is lookin good in those Levis, and the tousled hair? Lovin it." I really wanted to find him now, my eyes scanning every face in front of the theater. Then it clicked what he said and I turned around, smiling when I saw him coming towards me, his little blue jeep parked a few spots behind him. Closing his phone once he knew I saw him, he walked up with a smile on his face. He was looking very good tonight. Tight black jeans cupped his body, making it look like they were poured on and making me imagine peeling them off. He had on a green shirt, the kind that has built in sleeves underneath, which were a darker shade of green then the shirt. His brown hair was messy as always, getting into his eyes, which seemed to be even brighter than normal in contrast to his shirt. He was like sex on a stick to me. I had to get my hormones under control; I guess it had been to long since I had gotten laid. We held hands through the movie, once again acting like high schoolers. We didn't talk, though I always talked in movies, and we didn't kiss, well not until the end anyway. I was bored with the movie and I could tell he was too. Looking over I saw his eyes drop to my lips, which curved in a smile automatically. Leaning forward I pressed my lips to his, biting the bottom one softly to make his mouth open. He let out a small whimper which I eagerly took as I swept my tongue in his mouth. He moaned, pushing his tongue against mine and we dueled, me trying to stay in his mouth and him trying to get in mine. Eventually I pulled away and we both laughed, which got us a few dirty looks from the people actually watching the movie. I ran my hand through his hair, finally doing what I wanted and moving a few strands from his eyes. He smiled a beautiful smile and nuzzled into my hand. It was a fantastic night. Kyle and I dated for a good two weeks, and I tried my hardest not to push him because I could tell he had never done anything with a guy before. His innocence was killing me though. He always touched me in sexual ways but never seemed to realize he was doing it. I would hiss or moan and he would pull back instantly, afraid he had hurt me. I never asked for sex and I never did anything he didn't want to. At two weeks I was achy and hard all the damn time and it was getting painful. We were sitting in my dorm room one Monday night and he suddenly stood up, looking down at me on my bed. I raised an eyebrow, closing the Psych book we were studying out of and looking at him. Michael was out as usual so we both knew we were alone for a while. I wasn't sure what I thought he was doing, but when he gracefully dropped to his knees I was beyond shocked. He slowly unzipped my pants and I lifted my butt up automatically to help him get them off. I just looked at him, waiting to see what he was doing. My little kitten was getting explorative. I liked it. I didn't normally wear underwear and today was no different, so when he pulled the pants off my cock sprang up close to his face, already semi hard. Kyle bit his lip, drawing it inside his mouth a little and letting it go. I watched it spring back, licking my own lips in anticipation. I held perfectly still, not wanting to scare him or freak him out. After an excruciating minute he leaned forward, licking the head of my cock that was already leaking a little. His eyes darted up to mine instantly. "It tastes good." He sounded surprised. I laughed, I couldn't help it. "What did you expect babe?" He blushed, something I still found adorable to this day and ducked his head a little, looking for all the world like he was trying to hide behind my cock. I wasn't THAT big. "I don't know. I like it though." I smiled at him, running cool fingers through his hair. His eyes went back to my cock and he looked like he was trying to memorize every vein and ridge. Then he opened his lips and took me deep into his mouth. I was so caught off guard I jumped but he didn't stop, he must have realized now it was probably a good reaction. He sucked me deep into his throat, and my cock wasn't huge but it was a good 8", but he didn't gag. If I hadn't known for sure he had never done anything I would have guessed he had had a lot of experience. He had almost no gag reflex I swear, and when he trailed his hand down innocently to cup my balls I think I might have screamed. "Oh God Kyle that's nice. Damn baby you're so good at this." His face turned deep red and I smiled to myself. His eyes were intent on my cock as he sucked it with a innocence that drove me wild. "Baby, I'm getting close." He stopped then and I groaned in disappointment, looking at him in confusion. I opened my mouth to tell him he didn't have to swallow it or anything, that I would cum on a towel if he wanted but he learned up and kissed me, trailing kisses across my jaw until he got to my ear. "I want you to come inside me." Remember that cartoon where the hot girl walks in and the wolf's jaw drops, his tongue rolling out to the floor? I'm pretty sure I resembled that. Kyle laughed, closing my gaping mouth with a gentle finger and standing up. He slowly started stripping his clothes off and I bit my lip in anticipation. Every bit of skin that was revealed made me want more. He knew what he was doing, slowly, so slowly, revealing his scrumptious skin. He was like walking silk, he hardly had any hair on him, and his skin looked satin smooth in the moonlight streaming in my window. When he was fully naked and all I could do was stare he came over to me, and sat down on my naked lap, wrapping his arms around my neck. "You don't mind if I'm in control of this part right?" I just shook my head, my tongue heavy in my mouth. Kyle smiled, grinding his ass against me and I shook my head, coming to my senses. He was a virgin, and this was going to hurt; I needed to help get him ready because I wanted this to be amazing. Reaching over I opened the top drawer to my desk, pulling out a condom, and a big bottle of lube. I always bought the big bottles, call me an optimist. Kyle's eyes widened a little and I put the stuff beside me on the bed, cupping his face in my hands. "Are you sure you want to do this?" He bit his lip again, something I was finding to be increasingly Irresistible, and looked in my eyes, smiling a shy smile. "Yes. I've wanted to do this since that night when you wore your infamously spiked hair tousled for me." I smiled; I hadn't know it had meant that much to him, but it was true, I never changed my hair, ever, and I never let people touch it. It was the only thing I was a perfectionist about. I lifted him up, rolling him so he was under me on the bed. He frowned, opening his mouth to protest and I shushed him with a kiss. "Just to get you ready babe." Understanding dawned then and I noticed his dick waned a little. Reaching down I grasped his cock in my hand, squeezing until he groaned and his eyes fluttered shut. He had to relax if this was going to be anything close to pleasurable. I leaned down and slowly took his cock in my mouth, running my tongue around the head, licking up the little drop of precum that had gathered at the tip. Kyle groaned my name, hands trailing through my hair, which was smooth and clean since I had taken a shower about an hour before. He loved it when I didn't have gel in my hair. I sucked him deep for a good three minutes, until his hands were gripping my hair tight and his hips were moving of their own accord. I opened the bottle, smiling when he didn't even acknowledge the sound, and put a good amount on my fingers. While I slowed down so he didn't lose it, I massaged his balls with my other hand, keeping him distracted. He gave a frantic moan, his body undulating against mine and I took the moment to smoothly glide a finger into his body. Kyle's eyes flared wide and I paused for a minute, hoping I didn't hurt him. He didn't stay still for long though, and soon he was pressing back against my finger, silently begging for more. I took his cock deep in my mouth, until it hit the back of my throat, simultaneously sliding another finger in. Kyle moaned loudly this time, and I was happy to see that my fingers moved smoothly inside him, he was so relaxed. Once I had another finger in easily I figured he was ready and slowly pulled back. He looked disappointed for a minute before he saw me tear open the little silver packet and roll the condom over myself. He was way beyond his shy stage now, and watched me with open lust on his face. I reached for the bottle of lube but he grabbed it first. With a devious smile he poured some on his hands, and spread it on my cock, moving them up and down fast enough to make me moan. He climbed on top of me, and I spread his cheeks, concentrating hard in order to not just push deep into his ass. Kyle looked in my eyes as he slowly slid his body down, wincing a little when the tip of my cock popped past his sphincter. I held perfectly still, raising a brow, impressed when he kept pushing, until finally he sat on my lap, my cock all the way inside him. He kissed me, and it was the most tender thing I have ever felt. The wall around my heart creaked a little, and I frowned. Kyle kissed my brow, and blocked all thoughts when he started moving, rising up and lowering himself back down fast, making me gasp. I started grinding into him, smiling when I hit his sweet spot and his eyes rolled back. "Oh God yea Brad, yes fuck me, that feels so damn good." I smiled at his words and started pushing faster, gripping his hips tightly and lowering him up and down to meet my thrusts. Soon his hands found my shoulders, nails digging in as he held on for the ride. This was amazing, better than anything I had ever felt. Kyle's little ass was like a vice on dick, so tight, and so hot, I had to slow us down quite a few times so I didn't come before he did. Kyle's hand wrapped around his cock, stroking it like a mad man as his eyes stayed closed, head rolled back in bliss. Soon he spurted all over my chest, his ass tightening to an almost painful degree as he literally screamed my name. I couldn't take it anymore, not with his ass so tight and hot around my sock and I thrust as deep into him as I could and held him tight to my chest, breathing his name as I came, filling the condom with cum until it leaked between our bodies. Kyle's head dropped to my shoulder in exhaustion and I smiled, kissing his neck lightly. I pulled out of him, grabbing a nearby towel and cleaning us up. He hadn't stayed the night before, but I could tell tonight he wasn't planning on leaving. I wasn't really sure how I felt about that, but when he snuggled up to my chest, sated with pleasure I gave him, all I could was smile. That was up until he said those three little words that ruined everything. "I love you Brad." He was asleep before I could respond but I felt my body run cold. The wall around my heart was stronger than ever and I panicked. Looking back I regret it, but at the time I was scared shitless. I didn't want a serious relationship, did I? Was I ready to love someone? To be a part of someone's life every day all the time. What if in being a couple I lost my independence, was I ready for that? Did I want to be that guy that couldn't do out because I had to get back to the boyfriend. I couldn't answer any of these questions, my mind was blanking, and all I could do was block it out. I climbed out of bed, and Kyle stirred, looking up at me with a question. I saw it dawn on his face when he remembered what he said. "Brad...I didn't mean--" I cut him off, making sure my eyes and face were neutral, not mad, or scared, or worse love filled. "That was really fun Kyle, thanks. I'm gonna go out for a bit, maybe go to a party at Adam's. I'll see you around though ok?" His face was so hurt I almost couldn't stand it. I wanted to comfort him but something kept me from doing it. Mind numbing fear of commitment I think would be the correct term. He stood, tears forming behind his eyes but refusing to fall. "You really are heartless aren't you?" It hurt, it really hurt, but I kept my face blank. "Don't make this hard on yourself Kyle. Really. It's not that big of a deal." He gasped like I had slapped him, pulling his pants on quickly and walking up to me. He slapped me hard enough I tasted blood. "I hope when you finally let a guy inside your heart, that he rips it out." I stood there, naked, my face stinging, my cheeks red with shame, as Kyle walked out of my dorm room. Out of my life. I sat heavily on my bed, a feeling I've never had aching deep in my heart. Closing my eyes I tried to sleep, tried to do homework, anything to get my mind off of Kyle. It didn't work, and by class time the next day I felt and looked like run over shit. I walked into class, ten minutes late and noticed Kyle wasn't there. Alex was though, and so was his big ass boyfriend. Alex grabbed me as soon as I walked through the door and I was so out of it that it didn't occur to me I outweighed the guy by about a hundred pounds as I let him slam me into the wall outside the classroom. Mike Donovan followed, arms crossed, watching but not interfering. "Are you out of your fucking mind!" Alex screamed at me. Something inside me snapped then, and I woke out my haze, shoving him away from me. Alex stumbled, waving his boyfriend back as the big man moved forward, anger apparent on his face. "No, let him push me. Take your anger out on me Brad. Come on. I know how upset you were when I went with Mike. I know how you've been moping around here like a heartbroken loser. Come on, get angry with me, hit me." I just stared at him, shocked. He got in my face, pushing his chest hard against mine, sending me into the wall again. "It's me your angry at Brad. Hit me. Hit Me. HIT ME!" I snapped, hauling off and punching him in the jaw harder than I have ever hit anyone. Alex's body flew backwards, and Mike caught him easily, holding him until he was able to steady himself. The man looked like he wanted to kill me, and looking into his eyes I saw how easy it would be for him. Alex came at me again, a bruise blossoming on his jaw already. He got in my face again. "Ok, you over it now? You done being a prick?" I stared into his eyes for a minute, waiting for the pain I had been feeling over him to come back, slightly surprised when I felt nothing for him. I nodded slowly and he stepped back. "Good. Kyle dropped out today." My eyes widened, "WHAT! When, Why?" Alex gave me a look that would chill ice cubes. "You know why Brad. Everyone in your dorm knows why. The sounds you guys were making, followed by his sobs as he ran down the hallway? It's pretty damn obvious why." I felt like a piece of shit. I'm sure everyone in my dorm agreed. Then something dawned on me. "You're not in my dorm." His eyes lowered for a second, "No, but Jessica is." I must have looked as confused as I felt. "After what happened with us, I checked up on you. I didn't want to try talking to you because I thought that might make things worse. When I saw you weren't...getting over what happened, I kept up with Jessica, telling her about parties, and single guys I thought you'd like. She told me about what happened, and I saw Kyle going into the administration office earlier." I was amazed, I think my mind was tired of having so many shocks to my system in a two day period. Alex had kept tabs on me, he hadn't just forgotten me when he fell into Mike Donovan's arms. My whole world was rocking. "Why did you do that to Kyle, Brad?" The question caught me off guard and I answered truthfully. "I don't know if I'm ready for a real relationship. If I'm ready to lose my independence and really commit to someone. What if I lose who I am? Or turn into one of those guys I myself hate, pussy whipped? I'm so independent and I don't know how to be anything else." Alex's face changed, from anger and confusion to pity and understanding. I didn't like the pity but I sure as hell appreciated that someone understood. "Brad I am dating one of the most powerful guys in this damn city. Do you know how hard it was for us to establish a routine where Mike didn't dictate my life? He's so used to being in control of everything and I'm like you, stubbornly independent. It takes time, and compromise, and fights and making up. It's not supposed to be easy Brad, love never is." I glanced behind him at Mike and he gave me a small smile. "He's tough as nails I swear, but every fight has been worth it Brad. It really has." Mike stepped up to wrap his arms around Alex, and Alex leaned back, his head on the big man's shoulder. They hugged for a minute before Alex stepped up to me again. "You need to fix this Brad, or you know you're going to regret it. I know you don't want to think about years and years from now and I'm not asking you to. But doesn't the thought of Kyle not being in your arms tonight, or tomorrow, or the next day tear you up inside? Do you really want to go back to your dorm room tonight without him?" I stared into his warm eyes for a long time, my mind whirling. Finally I blinked and stood up. No...I tried and I couldn't even think of my life without Kyle in it, even if he hated me, I just wanted him around. "He already dropped out. What do you expect me to do?" Mike stepped up then, "I can pull a few strings, I got friends in high places. I can get him back in, but it's up to you to get him to stay." I nodded, reaching out to shake his hand, "Thank you." The big man stared at me for a second before taking my hand and pulling me into a tight hug. My whole body stiffened in surprise but I patted him on the back awkwardly. "He should be still packing, he wasn't at the administration office not an hour ago." Alex smiled at me, patting me on the shoulder, "Go man. Now." I felt like I was in a movie when I turned and ran down the hallway. I ran all the way to Kyle's dorm, stopping in my tracks to see his jeep already almost full of his stuff. He was bringing down another load, a huge box blocking his face. I walked up to him and carefully took the box out of his hands so I could see his face. "Here let me help you." Kyle's beautiful eyes met mine, and I flinched at the utter coldness I saw. Stepping around me he put the other box he held in his jeep, reaching back to take the one I had. "I don't need your help. I don't need anything from you." He turned to walk back up to his dorm, dismissing me, and I reached out instinctively, grabbing his arm and pulling him in close to me. I kissed his frowning mouth, shocked when his hand met my face with a resounding smack. Damn that cheek was getting abused. I pulled back, rubbing my face. "Are you insane? What the hell is the matter with you? You do not break a man's heart, and then kiss him Brad, this isn't like TV, all the problems don't melt away with an earth shattering kiss." Again with the movie life reference, maybe I was acting like I was in a movie. I lived my whole life doing what I knew was expected of me to do. I guess some days I did feel like my life was a sitcom. "I know. I'm sorry, if we could just talk, I really can explain myself." Kyle just stared at me, "I don't want to talk to you." He walked away and my shoulders slumped. He hated me, he really did. I looked around, noting the people watching me. Jessica stood in the crowd, hands on her hips. When I met her eyes she raised an eyebrow, tilting her head towards the building. Brad's Chance "Well?" She mouthed. Well, what was I going to do now. I stared in her determined eyes for a minute, looking back at the full jeep, the obvious evidence that Kyle was really going to leave. Taking a deep breath I squared my shoulders and walked into the building. I walked up to Kyle's dorm, watching him as he packed the rest of his stuff. His timid little roommate stared up at me with big eyes as I stood in the doorway. He was intimidated by me...and squirrels...and some fish. I nodded my head towards the door and he left without a word. I walked in and shut the door, making Kyle turn with a frown. "Damn it Brad cant you take a hint? I don't want to talk to you." He started moving towards the door and I didn't think, just reacted. Reaching out I pushed Kyle gently against the wooden door, bracing my hands on either side of his head. He stopped moving then, his fiery eyes looking up into mine. "Brad please, just leave me alone." I shook my head slowly, leaning my forehead against his as I tried to gather the words I wanted to say to him. I couldn't mess this up, I knew that. Kyle couldn't help but lean his head into mine, sighing wearily. "Brad I love you. I can't stop loving you, I just can't. I've tried all day believe me. I know you can't do commitment and I get that, so please, let's just make this easier on us both. Let me leave." Looking into his eyes I knew he meant every word. I kissed his forehead softly. "I love you Kyle. I've loved you since that night when you held my hand, and looked at me with no expectations. You don't want anything from me. You don't have an idea of who and what I should be. You look at me, and I feel like you see me, the real me. I'm scared down to my core of commitment, because I think I will be a horrible boyfriend." Kyle opened his mouth but I kissed him softly, closing it. "Let me finish. A really good friend talked to me today, slapped some sense into me, you might say. He brought up a good point" I took a deep breath, looking into his eyes, sighing in relief when i saw encouragment and not rejection. This was the crucial moment, i knew that, i just hoped i didn't screw it up. "I tried Kyle, I really did, but I can't think about my life...with you not in it. In such a short time you have become so important to me, and I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry I freaked it was the wrong way to handle it and I regret everything I said. I know I can never make it up to you but I promise ill try to be a good boyfriend I really-" Kyle's finger brushed my lips and I glanced up to see those cold eyes that had me flinch slowly fill with tears. He let them fall and I brushed them away gently. Kyle wrapped his arms around my shoulders and held me tight. "Your everything I could want and more Brad. I know your scared, and so am I. I've never done this, and I know you haven't either. I want to try with you, and I want to give it everything we've got. I don't know where I'll be in five years." He pulled back, warm hand cupping my cheek, "But I hope it's in your arms." I felt a tear slip down my cheek and I was surprised. I hadn't cried in years, over anything. Kyle leaned forward, kissing the tear away. I stared into his beautiful eyes for a moment before crushing him to my chest, laughing when he gasped. Mike and Alex became really good friends of ours, we hung out a lot, and it was pretty cool being friends with the man that owned almost every club in the city. Free drinks everywhere. Jessica and Adam broke up...then got back together. I am working on trying to find him a man. Kyle sleeps in my dorm almost every night. Looking down at his beautiful skin and that wonderful hair that always gets in his face, I can honestly say I have never been happier. We still don't know where we will be in five years, we don't plan that far ahead. I do however agree with him, I really hope it's with him in my arms.