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A Pessimists Romance Ch. 01

By: Gweall



This story takes place in a fictional world where many of my stories occur. You can read it on its own, but reading Wings of Gray will give you the back story and brief history of the Infected.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello after a (long) hiatus. I'm working my way back into writing, and will be posting all of my stuff back on Literotica. You can also find it all on my blog if you don't want to wait.

Feel free to send me public and private feedback (though do be aware all of these that I'm posting are going to be 3+ years old, and my writing has improved significantly since then) 

Enjoy :) 

~~~~~~~~~

Neil stepped inside the hallway and sighed. His first day of school, again. He had started school and had only been in class a few days before he had gotten sick. For a long time no one could figure out what animal he was mutated with. He had all the symptoms of the disease but showed no animal traits at all. At least not on the surface. What nobody knew was that he had grown three extra organs. After finally discovering them, many doctors tried to figure out what they were. Finally, it was a marine biologist who figured it out.

Neil had been mutated with an electric eel.

The three organs were used to produce electric pulses. A normal electric eel, Neil found out, is able to generate 500 volts and 1 amp of electricity. Of course the three inherited organs Neil developed were easily ten times bigger. He had enough energy stored in his body to kill ten adults. After they had figured it out, they had sent him to the camps.

He had spent a year in isolation. He wasn't able to speak to anyone but the guards, who were cruel and prodded him with cattle prods to watch them explode when he got angry. He had lost a lot of weight because he refused to eat, and they had to force feed him a lot of the time. His electric blue eyes, which were once filled with joy and curiousity of a teenager, had turned cold and bitter. He used to be amazed by the things that humanity could do when it pulled together. Now he looked at people with nothing but contempt.

The only reason he had returned to school was because he knew no one would remember him, and no one would know he was infected. That was the positive thing about his situation. His mutation was invisible to anyone who didn't have x-ray vision, and a skilled knowledge about human anatomy.

He had returned to his hometown, and found that people he used to know, neighbors and friends, were never told what had happened to him. His dad had told them all he went to live with his mother. No one knew. Neil kept it like that. Whenever anyone would ask him about his trip, he would smile and lie. He didn't get along with his dad. It wasn't that they hated each other, it was that they no longer connected. After spending so long in the camp, Neil had changed. He wasn't a friendly ordinary teenager anymore. He looked at everything with cynical eyes. His father tried to make conversation but both of them found it awkward. Neil couldn't talk to him about sports, or music, or t.v., they had nothing to say to each other.

Neil stared at the hallway full of high schoolers. They were all close to his age. He had been a freshman when he was taken. Now a senior, he was worried he would behind everyone else. But he had always been exceptionally smart and caught on to things he had learned in class quickly, he had even taken a few classes that were ahead of what he should have been at. He looked down at the paper in his hand and memorized the locker number. The bell rang, and while everyone else scurried off to class, he stayed in the empty hallway trying to find his locker. He had finally found it and was jiggling the handle, annoyed, when a light voice spoke.

"Shouldn't you be in class? You're late." A woman behind him said. He turned and stared at the tall well dressed woman.

"Sorry, I'm new. I'm having some trouble with my locker." Neil excused himself.

"Oh! You're the late transfer. That locker always sticks, sorry." She smiled and tried to help him with it. It finally snapped free and he began putting his textbooks in it.

"I'm Principal Wallace, welcome to the school." She smiled, and held out a hand. Neil glanced at it and took it in his. A small snap was heard and she pulled her hand back. "Damn static electricity." She mumbled.

"Yeah..." Neil turned back to his locker and put up a magnetic calendar and planner.

"Do you know where your first class is? I can take you there, excuse your tardy." She said.

"Thank you." Neil smiled. He showed her his schedule and they began walking down the hall to his first class, English.

~~~~~~~~~

Connor sat in his seat, throwing a paper air plane at the back of his friends head. It hit Dalton in the head and he turned and glared at him, flipping him off. Their teacher cleared her throat loudly and glared at both of them. Dalton turned around and looked forward. Their teacher began telling them about the book they were going to be reading, Julius Ceaser, when the door opened. Their principal stepped into the room and another, smaller, figure followed her in. Connor's jaw dropped.

A beautiful boy stood there. His hair was long, reaching down to his shoulders, and had horizontal white stripes on his bangs on the left side. His eyes were a crackling bright blue and he was thin. Almost too thin. He was probably no taller than 5' 5" and his hands were long and slender. He had beautiful high cheekbones and the black pants he wore showed off his long legs and tight ass. Dalton whipped his head around and both of them at the same time mouthed the words 'Called him.' They began shaking their heads at each other and silently arguing.

"Sorry to interrupt, but this is your new student. Neil Kidd." The principal introduced the stunning boy.

"Welcome to the class, have a seat anywhere." Their teacher said, and went back to writing on the board. The principal left and Neil was left sitting up in front of the class. Both Dalton and Connor quickly moved all of their stuff off of the two empty seats next to them. Being the only two empty seats in the room, Neil had to pick one. They both studied the boy, who finally walked towards Dalton. Connor cursed in his head, and then nearly cried with joy when Neil walked passed his friend and sat next to Connor. Dalton looked back and glared at Connor, who gave him a thumbs up and a smug nod of the head.

The teacher continued to ramble on about the book, but both of the men could only stare at Neil.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Neil picked up his stuff and walked out of the room. He was glad he was already familiar with Julius Caesar, he had read it at least five times. Back in the camp, he had convinced a guard to get him a book. Neil was a few steps out of the door when a huge guy came up to him.

"Hey, I'm Dalton." He held out his hand, and Neil shook it. Dalton ignored the shock that went through his fingertips.

"Neil." He said, not really all the interested. Suddenly, Dalton was shoved out of the way and another guy came up.

"Connor, don't mind Dalton. He's a douchebag." Connor smiled. Neil raised an eyebrow.

"Neil..." He introduced himself again.

"Neil Kidd, cool name if you ask me." Connor smiled.

"Thanks."

"So how are you liking the school, Kid?" Connor asked.

"Neil, and it's okay. I was here as a freshman but I went and stayed with a my mom for a few years." Neil lied.

"Where does your mom live?" Connor asked.

"Florida." Neil said.

"Wow, that would be cool. Do you need any help to your next class?" Dalton butt in.

"Uh, sure, thanks. It's in IT6...wherever that is." Neil looked around.

"It's this way, I have a class over there. I'll take you." Connor shoved Dalton away.

"No, it's fine. I can take him." Dalton glared at Connor.

"Isn't your class in the other direction?" Connor smiled. Dalton scowled.

"Yeah..."

"I don't want you to be late." Neil said.

"We definitely don't want that." Connor winked at him. Dalton scowled.

"Fine, I'll see you later." Dalton said to both of them, and walked in the other direction.

"What's up with you two?" Neil asked.

"What? Nothing." Connor shook his head. Neil knew he was lying.

"Alright, then." Neil raised an eyebrow, but dropped it.

"You should hang out with us at lunch." Connor said.

"Uh, sure." Neil didn't know what else to say.

"We sit by the huge oak tree outside. Just come find us." Connor smiled and stopped outside Neils rom. "This is it." he said.

"Thank you." Neil looked up at the numbers on the door.

"See you later, Kid." Connor smiled and left him to his class.

~~~~~~~~~~

Neil thought about blowing off Connor, but decided against it. After all, he had no where else to sit. He headed over to the grassy field that the huge tree nearly covered. As promised, Connor and Dalton were sitting under it. Along with a few friends.

"Hey, Kid."

"Hey, Neil." Dalton said, at the same time as Connor. They glared at each other and elbowed each other in the side.

"Jesus, you two are horrible. One cute guy stumbles into your class and both of you start going at him like he's a melting ice cream cone." The girl next to them said as she took a bite of her sandwich.

"Excuse me?" Neil's eyes got wide.

"Don't take it personally, these two fight over anything adorable and with a dick between it's legs." She said. Neil found himself blushing, which was unusual for him.

"We do not!" Connor said defensively, the girl raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah, it doesn't have to have a dick between it's legs." Dalton added. "At least not for Connor." He nudged his friend.

"Shut up." Connor scowled at him.

"Come here, hun." The girl scooted over and patted the grass next to her. Neil didn't want to get grass stains on his pants, but he was tired of standing. "I wont try and jump you, promise." She smiled.

"Uh, thanks?" Neil said, teenagers were weird. Was this how he was supposed to act? He really had changed in the three years he was gone.

"I'm Maria by the way." She smiled at Neil.

"Neil." He smiled.

"How are you liking your classes? Minus the one you have with these two horn dogs." She glared at Connor and Dalton, who blinked innocently.

"They're fine. I didn't go to school in Florida, so I've missed a lot. But so far I seem to be getting everything they're talking about." Neil said.

"No school? Weren't you there for like three years?" Connor asked.

"Yeah."

"What were you doing then?" Dalton questioned.

"Nothing really. I worked a lot." Neil said, and it was the truth. While in the camps they used him to fuel the building. It saved a ton on electricity bills.

"Wow, what did you do?"

"Electrical work, mostly."

"So you know all kinds of weird technical stuff?"

"Not really, I was just helping out." Neil lied.

"That's cool I guess. Must be weird being back in school." Connor said.

"Yeah, but everyone's been nice." Neil said. 'That's because none of them know what I am.' He thought to himself.

"Good, I would hate for someone to be mean to you." Connor winked at him. Neil was taken aback, he blushed and looked down at the grass.

"No lunch?" Maria asked.

"No, I didn't think to pack one." Neil shrugged.

"Here," Connor gave him a slice of pizza he had for lunch.

"No, That's fine. I don't really eat all that much, anyways." Neil said.

"Obviously." Dalton poked him in the ribs.

"Don't be a dick." Connor threw a candy bar at him. "You look great." He smiled warmly at Neil.

"Thank you..." No one had ever told him he looked nice. He didn't put that much effort into his appearance, really. Just enough to make him look presentable. It wasn't like he was dressing up for anyone.

"You do have a great sense of fashion." Maria added. "I love the formal look." She smiled, tugging at his black coat that sat over his white button down shirt.

"And the hair is sexy." Dalton added, raising an eyebrow seductively.

"Uh, you're too nice. Thank you." Neil brushed his bangs over his face, shy.

"But your eyes are the best part." Connor brushed his hair away, making Neil look up at him. Neil smiled. The bell rang and the group groaned as they were herded back into their classes.

~~~~~~~~~~

Connor sat in his trig class, thinking of the gorgeous slender boy. Neil had been so cute at lunch, blushing and smiling at every comment from Connor. The bell rang and he began heading home. He started his car and was cruising down the street when he saw Neil walking down the sidewalk. His hands were in the deep pockets of his black slacks. His head was down, white and black stripes covering his eyes.

"Kid!" Connor slowed down. Neil looked up and was somewhat surprised.

"Oh, hi." He gave a small smile.

"Want a ride?"

"Oh, you don't have to do that. But thank you."

"It's no trouble, get in." Connor urged him. Neil looked ahead and then threw his backpack in the bed of the truck, and climbed in next to Connor.

"Thank you." Neil smiled.

"Just tell me where to go, Kid."

"Neil." He corrected. "Just turn right up here." He pointed to the street ahead of them.

"So what do you do for fun?" Connor asked.

"Fun? I don't know." Neil shrugged.

"You know, movies, music, T.V." Connor suggested.

"I don't really do any of those things." Neil shrugged again.

"What? Really?" Connor frowned.

"I was... working... in Florida a lot. I guess I just... grew up to fast." Neil looked like he was in another world.

"That sucks." Connor seemed deep in thought, too.

"Yeah...This is it. Thank you for the ride." Neil got out of the truck and grabbed his backpack from the bed.

"No problem, you want me to pick you up for school tomorrow? It's on the way anyways."

"Really? You wouldn't mind?" Neil seemed uncomfortable with the offer.

"Not at all. I'll see you around Seven Thirty?"

"Alright..." Neil said.

"Alright." Connor smiled, and after watching Neil climb the steps to his house, drove off.

~~~~~~~~

Neil shut the front door behind him and stood in the living room quietly for a minute. He sighed and picked up his bag. He climbed up the stairs to the second floor and walked to the door at the hall. He opened it and after closing it behind him, climbed up the curling staircase leading to the attic.

He set his bag down and looked around at the plain room. The only things in the empty space were a bed, a dresser, the connecting bathroom, and the balcony on the far side of the large room. A few chairs were splattered around the room lazily, and a bedside table with a lamp on it sat to the right of the bed.

"It is plain in here, isn't it?" Neil said. The upside to having an architect as a father, meant that the house was custom built the way he wanted it. Neil headed towards the bathroom, and arched a bolt of electricity to the light bulb ahead of him. The room lit up and he looked at himself in the mirror. What were they seeing that he wasn't? He didn't see anything that special. His eyes were nice, but not really all that fantastic. At least he didn't think so.

"Neil, you home?" He heard his dad call down.

"Yes." he shouted back.

"What do you want for dinner?"

"I'm not really hungry." Neil called back. "Make whatever, I'll eat later." He continued.

"Alright." His father answered, and that was that. Neil turned to the side and looked at his thin frame. He supposed he was very skinny. But after being locked in solitary for so long, he found it hard to think about what he looked like. He had been by himself for so long.

"Who the fuck needs humanity?" He glared at his reflection. "What did humanity ever do for me?" He said. The light began dying, fading out slowly as it used the last of it's charge. Neil stared at himself in the mirror until it got too dark to see. He let a small amount of his energy break free. The blue and white bolts dances over his body, making the room glow.

"Humanity didn't do shit for me." He said quietly. He powered down, and walked out of the dark room.

~~~~~~

Connor closed the front door behind him, and was met with three loud brothers. He was tackled into a hug and managed to shove the much bigger guys off of him.

"Where ya goin', Connor?" One of his brothers called out to him. Connor flipped them the finger, before climbing down stairs to his room in the basement.

He walked through his filthy room and turned on his music, loud. He tugged off his shirt and walked into the bathroom. He flipped the light on and looked at himself in the mirror. Was Dalton really competition when trying to win over the dark haired boy's affection? He looked at his dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He already had the sharp, pronounced jaw that ran in his family. He wasn't built like a tank, but wasn't skinny either. He flexed a bit and liked the look of his four pack and strong pecs. He gave a smile and was pleased with his rows of white teeth. He definitely wasn't unhappy about his looks.

"Connor!" His mother called.

"Yeah?"

"Dinners ready!" She said.

"On my way!" He looked at himself one more time, winking. He shut off the light, grabbed his shirt, and ran upstairs to join his family.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Neil waited outside, it was seven forty five and Connor still wasn't here. He had probably forgotten. Neil cursed himself for being so stupid, and went back inside. Maybe he could ask his father for a ride. Or walk, at this point he was going to be late anyways. He searched the halls for his dad when he heard a knock at the door.

"So sorry!" Connor apologized when he opened the door.

"It's alright." Neil said.

"It's really not. My brothers were being pains and hid my backpack somewhere." Connor laughed.

"Did you find it?" Neil rose an eyebrow. They walked to the truck and Neil was glad it was warm.

"Uh...Negative, Ghostrider." Connor frowned.

"Then shouldn't you be looking for it?"

"I didn't want to make you late." Connor smiled.

"Class starts in five. We're already late." Neil pointed out.

"Did I mention I was sorry?" Connor frowned.

"Yes, you did." Neil gave a small smile. "Why don't we go look for it?" Neil offered.

"Really? We'll be even more late." Connor said.

"That's alright. I don't really like school anyways." Neil said, and it was the truth. In school he felt like he was caged. He didn't like that feeling.

"Sweet, ditching on your second day." Connor smiled and turned the truck around.

"It's halfway through the year." Neil pointed out.

"But it's still your second day." Connor winked at him.

"Can I ask you something?" Neil said, after awhile.

"Go for it." Connor said.

"Why are you and Dalton interested in me?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for one, I'm a guy." Neil pointed out. "I hope that isn't too hard to figure out." He added.

"Well, for one, We're gay." Connor smiled at him. "I hope that isn't too hard to figure out." Connor added.

"Obviously...But I'm not." Neil said.

"Really? Well, there goes my gaydar. It doesn't matter, honestly. We've gone after quite a few straight guys." Connor laughed.

"You thought I was gay?" Neil asked.

"Yes." Connor winked at him.

"Do I act...-"

"Gay? No, not at all. You don't really act like anything, to be honest. I think I was just hopeful." Connor smiled.

"Oh."

"And for two?" Connor asked.

"What?"

"You said 'for one, I'm a guy.' so I ask, for two...?"

"I'm not...I don't look. I'm plain." Neil said.

"Plain? Jesus." Connor laughed. "You're gorgeous, Neil. Have you ever seen your eyes?" Connor asked.

"They're just blue..." Neil said.

"No way, they're this weird...Electric blue. Like you have a little tornado going on constantly." Connor said.

"Oh..."

"My turn to ask you something?" Connor asked.

"Uh...Sure." Neil looked down at his gloved hands.

"Why are you so...Neilly?" Connor laughed.


A Pessimists Romance Ch. 01



"Excuse me?"

"I don't know...You're so...Antisocial." Connor said.

"I don't know." Neil shrugged. Connor stopped the truck in front of his house.

"Come on, Kid." Connor climbed out and walked towards the building. Neil followed him, and was surprised when he felt the warmth of home.

"Your parents?" Neil asked.

"Work, my brothers at school. Just the two of us." Connor said. Neil looked at the pictures of Connor and what he assumed were his three older brothers. His mother and father sat on either side of him, as a child, holding up a big fish in the picture next to the one with his brothers. The house seemed warm and full, Neil had always heard of people talk about that, the warmth of a home, but had never felt it himself. His home always felt empty and cold. Like a house, not a home. Connor searched through cupboards and under the couch while Neil looked around.

"What are your parents like?" Connor asked.

"I don't know, we don't really talk." Neil said, looking at a picture of Connor's father holding him up on his shoulders at Disneyland.

"Really? Don't you live with your dad?"

"Yes."

"Then how do you not talk?"

"He does his own thing, I do mine. We don't really have a whole lot to connect us." Neil said.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine, I like it better that way."

"Why? You don't like your dad?" Connor looked up from the refrigerator.

"It's not that...I...I don't really like people in general. I don't really get along with them." Neil looked down at the old, but soft, carpet.

"You get along with me." Connor smiled.

"Believe me, that's a rare thing." Neil said, flipping through a photo album with even more pictures of Connor and his family.

"Really? Why don't you like people?"

"They're selfish. They only do things to move themselves along in life. If they're given a choice between helping themselves or helping others, they'll always chose themselves. No matter how much the other needs them." Neil said, glaring at the floor.

"Wow, that's very...Cynical." Connor chuckled.

"Cynicism isn't necessarily a bad thing." Neil said. "Nobody ever thinks about it maybe being the truth." He looked up at Connor, a dark look in his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Making chocolate chip pancakes." Connor smiled as he grabbed a bag of chocolate chips.

"Aren't you supposed to be looking for your bag?" Neil asked.

"Yes, and then I looked at you and decided I'm going to feed that skinny ass of yours. My moms recipe, you'll love it." Connor smiled, as he mixed the batter.

"You're insane." Neil stared at him with cold eyes, a scowl on his face.

"Sit your ass down." Connor winked at him. Neil rolled his eyes and sat down. He looked at the worn, scratched wooden table. Several names were carved into it. He moved the rooster shaped salt shaker and read Connors name, scrawled in jagged chickenscratch.

"It's a family tradition. Everyone who's in the family carves their name into the table. So, whenever someone gets married, them and all of their family has to carve in their names." Connor explained.

"Interesting."

"It's been in the family for years, as soon as I could write I carved mine in the middle. I just hope one day I meet some hot stud to- cellar!" Connor shouted the last word.

"What?" Neil furrowed his brow.

"The cellar! I haven't checked there yet and that's where they hide shit all the time!" Connor turned off the burner and put the last pancake on the blue plate. "Hold this." He shoved it in Neil's direction.

"Wait, what? Where are you going?" Neil followed him, plate still in hand.

"I told you, cellar." Connor called out as he jogged out the front door. Neil followed him, not knowing where to set the buttered pancakes. He followed Connor down to the cellar.

"Find it?" He asked, feeling stupid holding a plate of warm pancakes.

"Yep." He held up a green backpack.

"Can we go upstairs, now? It's freezing out here." Neil said, holding the warm plate closer.

"Sure." Connor smiled. He moved past Neil and reached for the wooden doors to the cellar. He pushed on them and only the sound of rattling metal was heard. They both froze. He tried again, pulling, pushing, and then shaking them furiously.

"Uh...How about some pancakes?" Connor frowned.

"W-what?" Neil's jaw almost dropped.

"I don't know, it must have gotten stuck." Connor said.

"Oh Jesus." Neil tried the door himself. Seeing that it was, in fact, locked, he moved to the back wall and sighed. He sank down to the ground and Connor sat down next to him. Connor stared at him, and grabbed a pancake off the stack. Neil glared at him.

"How can you be hungry, now?" Neil asked. Connor shrugged. Neil rolled his eyes, and after a second, grabbed a pancake. They munched on the pancakes silently for awhile

"These are good..." Neil said.

"Thanks, Kid." Connor smiled.

"Stop calling me that." Neil glared at him.

"What, it's your name." Connor winked.

"My name is Neil." Neil said.

"Neil Kidd. So...You're Kid." Connor wrapped an arm holding a piece of pancake around Neils neck and pulled him closer. He kissed his forehead, leaving a small chocolate mark from the chocolate chips. Neil blushed and wiped the chocolate away quickly. Connor smiled and laughed.

"You're too cute." He said, and ate another pancake. "Some first date, huh?"

"This is NOT a first date." Neil said.

"Fine, then we'll have to count our next date." Connor shrugged.

"What? No! I'm not gay!" Neil said.

"That's what they all say." Connor winked at him again. Neil rolled his eyes. He swallowed his pancake and stood up, walking around the small cellar.

"What are you doing?" Connor asked.

"Nothing, just seeing what's around."

"You can't see shit in here. It's pitch black." Connor said. Of course, he was right. The only light would be from the cracks in the door to the cellar, but it was a cloudy winter day and the only light that came through was pale gray and didn't do much.

"Isn't there a light in here?" Neil asked.

"Yeah, above us. But the wiring is all jacked up so it doesn't work." Connor said.

'I could make it work...' Neil thought, but he couldn't do shit with Connor sitting there.

"Oh." He said simply. He stepped towards the left wall and something moved. "What the fuck?!" He screamed. He jumped back and something fell off a shelf.

"What?" Connor stood up, putting the plate of pancakes down.

"Something moved!" Neil shouted, voice higher than he would have liked it to be.

"Where?" Connor asked. Neil felt something scrape his leg. He squealed like a little girl and moved against Connor. Sure, he had lived in one of the harshest places on earth since the consecration camps, that didn't mean he couldn't still get scared. He buried his head against Connor's chest and the only sound in the room was their breathing. They listened quietly. "I think it was just your imagination." Connor said.

"I did NOT imagine that." Neil said. He pulled away from Connor quickly. He stepped back towards the right wall and whatever it was moved past his leg again. He screamed and fell against an old shelf, things falling all around him. "Oh fuck this!" He shouted. He let out a small amount of energy, not knowing how much the light bulb could stand, towards the bulb. The light flickered before a dim yellow glow lit the room. A medium sized raggedy dog sat in the corner. The mutt shivered and stared at them with fear.

"It's just a dog." Connor said. "He looks like a stray. It must have snuck in here at some point and was living here. Poor thing." Connor frowned. Neil stared at the shaking dog.

"It probably has rabies." He wrinkled his nose.

"He's just scared." Connor said. "Come here, sweetheart." Connor got down in a crouch and held out his hand, the dog backed up farther into the corner.

"Chewy over there is going to bite your hand off." Neil said. The dogs ears perked up and he walked stiffly over to Neil and scratched at his leg gently with one of his front paws. Neil raised an eyebrow.

"He likes you." Connor smiled.

"He smells." Neil frowned.

"Don't be so cold hearted. It's not his fault." Connor said, smiling.

"He's going to chew off my leg with his rabies infested mouth." Neil scowled even harder. The dogs ears perked up again and his small tail wagged softly.

"Is that your name, sweetheart? Chewy?" Connor asked. The dogs tail thumped harder.

"Fitting name." Neil frowned. The dog whined and laid down, resting his head on Neils shoe. Neil's scowl softened.

"See, he's not rabid." Connor said. Neil looked down at the dog. He crouched down and reached out for his ear gently, scratching his matted fur.

"Society abandoned you, too. Didn't they?" He whispered to the dog, who sighed and looked up at Neil with huge brown eyes.

"Hey..." Connor said.

"What?" Neil didn't look up from his new friend.

"How did you turn the light on?" Connor looked at him.

"What? I... I didn't." Neil said, trying to think of a lie. "It was just a coincidence." Neil said.

"No way, you said 'fuck this' and then the room went blue and then the light came on." Connor said. Neil sighed.

"You can't tell anyone." Neil said.

"Tell anyone, what?" Connor frowned. Neil stood up and stepped away from Chewy, who was still staring up at him with loving eyes.

"Please, don't freak out." Neil said. Connor nodded his head. He closed his eyes and let the electricity dance over his body. A bolt shot up to the light and the room got even brighter.

"What the fuck..." Connor's jaw dropped.

"You said you wouldn't freak." Neil stopped and opened his eyes.

"How did you... What the fuck!" Connor shouted, backing up against the wall opposite Neil. Chewy turned his head, but stayed near Neil.

"I'm an infected." Neil said. Connor frowned.

"I don't know any fucking animal that can do that!" Connor pointed to the light.

"I'm mixed with an electric eel." Neil explained. Connor blinked. He seemed to relax a bit.

"Okay, things making sense now." Connor nodded.

"You won't tell anyone will you?" Neil asked. Connor stared at him. This was the most emotion Neil had shown since they had met the day before.

"No, I wont tell anyone." Connor finally said. Neil looked relieve.

"Thank you. I swear, I'm not dangerous or anything." Neil said.

"Were you really in Florida?" Connor asked. Neil hesitated. "Don't lie to me anymore." Connor stared at him.

"I was in the holding camps, for the infected. They kept me in solitary confinement." Neil said.

"For three years?" Connor's eyes went wide. Neil just nodded. "Oh my god..." Connor whispered. The light dimmed until it was pitch black again. Neil didn't know if he should light it again, so he just stood there in the silence and the dark.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"I don't want anyone to know. I may be cursed by having this mutation, but I was blessed that it wasn't more obvious. I'll hide it as long as I can." Neil said.

"You shouldn't hide who you are. I know what that's like. I was in the closet for three years, you know." Connor said.

"It's different." Neil sat down and Chewy crawled into his lap. Neil wasn't lying when he said he smelled, but he wanted the comfort now. Though he hated to admit it.

"It's not, though. You're hiding this from everyone, and now no one can really know you." Connor said.

"I want it that way." Neil scowled in the dark.

"Why? People aren't as bad as you're making them out to be." Connor said.

"Don't tell me about people!" Neil shouted, suddenly angry. "I spent three years being tortured by those stupid guards!" He shouted.

"Not everyone is like that." Connor said in a calm voice.

"No? You don't think they had families? That they had kids, and wives? That their kids didn't go to school. These people are everywhere, Connor. Open your eyes. People are shit." He spat. Connor was silent for a minute.

"But if you don't give anyone a chance, you won't be able to find the ones that aren't like that." Connor whispered.

"Why bother? The way I see it, half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people are clever enough to take advantage of the first half." Neil said.

"Are you calling yourself an idiot?" Connor asked.

"Yes."

"What, so you hate yourself?" Connor laughed.

"It makes sense if you think about it." Neil stroked Chewy's back as he slept.

"How so?" 

"If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people." Neil said.

"You're very cynical, aren't you?" Connor laughed, again.

"I'm a glass half empty kind of guy, yeah." Neil said bitterly.

"Will you turn the god damn light on?" Connor asked. Neil looked up at where he knew Connor was standing, and let some electricity bounce to the light. The room flickered to life and Connor stared at him. He smiled at Neil.

"So you're a pessimist and a cynic?" Connor asked.

"Negative words." Neil mumbled.

"You're a negative person." Connor shrugged.

"I like being negative, it makes me happy." Neil stared up at Connor coldly.

"Stand up." Connor said. Neil glared at him for a minute before doing as he was told. He brushed off his pants and noticed the light starting to dim. Connor stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Neil, pulling him to his chest. Neil froze for a second while Connor squeezed him lovingly and stroked his hair. The room was now only pale yellow as the light faded

"What...are you doing?" Neil asked.

"I'm killing you with kindness. It's proven to be very effective against cynical gay boys." Connor said. The room was now pitch black.

"I'm... not gay." Neil said. Connor nodded and squeezed Neil one more time before stepping back. Connor was going to say something, when the doors to the cellar opened. One of his brothers stood there.

"Aw shit, you found it." He frowned and sighed, walking off with the doors still open. Neil and Connor scrambled out of the cellar quickly, relieved to be free. Chewy followed Neil loyaly.

"Who's dog?" Connor's brother asked. Then he looked at Neil. "Who's kid?" Connor smiled.

"Not a god damn word." Neil didn't look at Connor, but pointed a finger at him. Connor smiled smugly and made the motion of zipping his lips. "He's my dog." Neil said, but wasn't sure why he was saying it. Chewy seemed to understand, and looked up at Neil. He was panting, making it look like he had a smile on his face, and thumping his tail on the ground.

"This is Neil, he's a friend from school." Connor said.

"Right." His brother was walking away before he turned around.

"Why do you guys smell like Chocolate chip pancakes?"



A Pessimists Romance Ch. 02



Neil walked quietly along the sidewalk, Chewy following him closely. He heard footsteps behind him.

"Neil, wait up!" Conner called up. "Come on," He said, panting after running to catch up to Neil. "We still have all day. Why don't we go do something?" Conner asked.

"I don't know..." Neil said. Conner walked with him in silence.

"How about we go get some ice cream?" Conner asked.

"It's freezing out here. We were just locked in a cellar for like two hours." Neil waved a hand back towards Conner's house.

"Come on, everyone loves ice cream." Conner smiled. Neil scowled. "Even pessimistic queers." 

"I'm not gay." Neil said, and kept walking.

"Well, then let me fix that over a bowl of ice cream." Conner smiled. Neil stopped and stared at him. He sighed.

"Okay." He threw up his hands in defeat.

"Yes!" Conner pumped his fists in the air, before grabbing Neils wrist and running off down the street.

~~~~~~~

Neil finally got home, at about the time he would be arriving home if he had actually gone to school. Chewy had followed him and Conner all day, except when they would go in a store where dogs weren't allowed. In that case, he would wait outside until they returned.

"Dad? I'm home." Neil called out, letting Chewy walk through the door after him, before closing it.

"I'm in the kitchen." His dad answered. Neil walked towards the kitchen, Chewy following close behind.

"Hey...I uh... I got a dog." Neil looked down at Chewy, who wagged his tail happily. His dad looked down at the ratty animal.

"Uh...Alright, I suppose that's okay. You'll have to go to the pet store and get him some food and a collar and stuff. We'll also have to take him to the vet." His dad said.

"Yeah, I'll go to the pet store now, actually." Neil set down his unopened backpack and headed towards the door, following close behind.

"Here, take some money." His dad shelled out forty bucks. Neil was used to his dad trying to buy his trust again, and had no problem accepting the money. Without a word, he left.

He arrived at the pet store a few minutes later and opened the door for Chewy, who walked in ahead of him.

"Welcome to Petco, how may I help- Hey, look who it is!" Neil looked up at the first employee he saw. He was surprised when he saw Dalton standing there.

"Oh, hey. I didn't know you worked here." Neil said.

"Yeah, I need the money." Dalton shrugged.

"Oh. Well, I gotta go find him a collar or something." Neil pointed down at Chewy, who licked his lips as he watched the dog treats intensely.

"I can help you out with that." Dalton smiled. They began walking around the store, Dalton helping him pick out all of the supplies he needed for the new member of the family.

"So I didn't see you at school today, where were you? Ditching on your second day?" Dalton smiled.

"I got stuck in a cellar, with Conner." Neil said. "Then he took me out for ice cream..." Neil realized how stupid his day sounded.

"Wow, exciting stuff. I guess I'll have to match it." Dalton smiled.

"Match it?"

"You don't think I forgot about you after one day did you? No, no, no, it's still game on." Dalton smiled.

"Why am I being treated like a piece of meat with 'come fuck me' gay seasoning all over me?" Neil scowled.

"What do you mean? You're gay, it's going to happen." Dalton laughed.

"I'm not gay! Why do people keep thinking that?" Neil asked. Dalton looked surprised.

"You mean you really are straight? I thought it was just a joke..." Dalton laughed harder. "There's no way you're straight." 

"Yes, I am." Neil frowned.

"No, you're not." Dalton stepped up to him, pushing him back against a wall. He leaned in slowly and Neil couldn't help but watch his lips move in closer. Dalton pressed his lips to Neil's and he paused. He ran his tongue over Neil's closed lips and begged for entrance. Neil kept his lips shut and Dalton placed a hand on his chest. He pressed against his lips, forcing his tongue inside and began kissing Neil heavily. He finally pulled away, leaving both of them gasping for air.

"Go on a date with me, tomorrow night." Dalton said. Neil stared at him. 

"Okay." Neil said. He didn't know what he was saying. The words simply escaped his lips before he knew what was happening.

"Good. I'll pick you up at five." Dalton said. Neil nodded, dumbly.

"Okay." He said, again. Dalton smiled and pushed the leash into his hands, before turning, and walking away from Neil. Leaving him half hard and still panting in the isle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, Eel-boy." Conner jumped up behind him.

"Hey!" Neil looked around, worried. "Would you watch it?" He whispered.

"No one's going to know. Who the hell would automatically think you're infected?" Conner asked, somewhat loudly.

"Conner!" Neil hissed. Conner threw his hands up. He made the motion of zipping his lips.

"Sorry." He smiled. Neil rolled his eyes.

"So hey, how about you come over tonight, I want you to meet the family." Conner said.

"I cant, I have... I have a date." Neil blushed.

"Really? With who?" Conner obviously wasn't happy about it.

"Dalton." Neil said.

"What happened to you not being gay?" Conner said, pissed.

"I don't know. I'm not. We're just friends. I don't know, get off my back." Neil snapped at him, becoming confused and frustrated.

"Well, why are you going out with him?"

"I don't know, okay! Just leave me alone." Neil mumbled, walking away from Conner. Conner stopped and watched him leave. He saw Dalton shut his locker and begin walking to his next class. "Hey!" He called out. Dalton stopped and turned towards him.

"Hey."

"What's this I hear about you taking Kid out?" Conner asked.

"Oh, yeah. I asked him out." Dalton looked smug.

"Come on, man. I went out with him first." Conner whined.

"You locked him in your cellar with a rabid dog." Dalton frowned.

"With pancakes!" Conner shouted. The hallways were now clearing.

"All the pancakes in the world won't help you now that I got a hold on him." Dalton smiled

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Neil sat in his room, hugging his knees to his chest. Chewy sat on the foot of his bed and stared at him. Neil put his head in his knees.

"Ugh, why did I say yes? I can't believe I did that!" Neil said. "I'm not gay!" He shouted at himself.

"Neil, your friends here!" His father shouted, from downstairs. Neil swallowed. He grabbed a pair of the black shoes he normally wore, and pulled on his simple black blazer. He looked at himself in the mirror. He had dyed his hair after he had gotten back from the pet store. Instead of the white stripes, he now had blue tips in his jet black hair.

"Coming!" He shouted. He jogged downstairs quickly. Dalton stood in the doorway. Neil's father was nowhere in sight.

"Hey." Dalton smiled.

"Uh, hi." Neil couldn't hide how nervous he was. Dalton had this strange power over him. He just couldn't keep himself from doing what Dalton said.

"Lets go." Dalton smiled. Neil followed him out to his car and climbed inside.

"So, where are we going?" Neil asked.

"This really nice diner. It's great food." Dalton said.

"Cool." Neil smiled. The drive there was silent, and awkward, on Neils part. Neil felt like a dumb blonde, excited to go on her first date. It was true, Neil had never been on a date, but it was also true that he was NOT gay.

"Why so quiet, this is supposed to be fun, you know." Dalton smiled over at him.

"It's just...I'm not gay, Dalton." Neil said.

"Right." Dalton kept his eyes on the road.

"I'm not." He repeated.

"Well, that's not what I'm getting." 

"Getting from where? This is the original source." Neil said, pointing at himself.

"The original source lies sometimes. That's why it's a good idea to have multiple sources." Dalton laughed. 

"Well, this source isn't lying." Neil was getting pissed off. Dalton suddenly swung the car around. "Where are we going, now?" Neil glared at him.

"Stop your bitching, maybe going somewhere more fun will cheer you up." Dalton laughed. Neil crossed his arms and sat quietly for the rest of the ride. They pulled up to a shady looking building.

"Oh good god, where are we?" Neil stared at the gray and run down building.

"Hey, now. Don't judge a book by it's cover. Come on." Dalton said, climbing out of the truck.

"Just to let you know, I do judge a book by it's cover. No one ever picks up some shitty looking book and says "Hey, I want to read this." Neil said, sarcastically as he climbed out of the car.

"Come on, you'll have fun." Dalton said.

"Or get herpes." Neil scowled. "Or rabies." He shrugged. "Or herpes and rabies." 

"Are you always this negative?"

"Yep, it makes me happy." Neil said, no emotion in his voice.

"Well this will make you even more happy." Dalton grabbed his hand and pulled him inside the run down building.

~~~~~~~~~~

"I had no clue these even existed anymore." Neil stared at the dark room.

"Yep, and they're as awesome as ever." Dalton smiled, paying the man behind the counter, who hands him two vests with attached guns, and two headsets.

"We're not seriously playing laser tag, are we?" Neil scowled.

"Hell yeah, we are." Dalton handed him his vest. Neil rolled his eyes and put on his vest.

"I'm going to lose an eye." He frowned.

"They're lasers." 

"Lasers can destroy an eye. Just watch, it will happen." Neil pointed his gun at him, gesturing with his hand.

"Come on, you cynical asshole." Dalton laughed. He opened the double doors into the pitch black room, illuminated by neon and strobe lights.

"I can feel it. I'm going to have on eye in only a few minutes now." Neil mumbled over the loud music and the sound of lasers firing in the dark.

"Come on, you chicken!" Dalton ran off into the dark, but not before shooting a laser at Neils chest. His vest flashed and a siren went off.

"Hey! Oh you're going to pay for that." Neil ran off after him, dodging a small group of elementary school children.

"Says who? You're never going to catch me with that single eye you're going to have in just a few minutes." 

"Well, what if I make you lose an eye first? It's entirely possible." Neil snuck up behind Dalton while he was catching his breath, shooting him in the back. Dalton threw up his hands, pissed that he had been caught.

"Damn it!" He looked at Neil, who stuck out his tongue before running off.

Their game went on for and hour and a half. They were both panting and out of breath, each with one life left.

"Just give up, Neil. You're never going to win." Dalton panted through his headset.

"Less talking, more eye losing." Neil fired back. Dalton smiled. Neil peeked around a pillar and saw Dalton looking for him in the other direction. He smiled. He stepped out from the pillar and pointed his laser at Dalton. Dalton suddenly turned and pointed his own laser. They put their fingers on the trigger, and froze when both of their vests started blinking and chirping as a chubby eleven year old boy jumped out of nowhere and shot them both in the stomach.

"Damn it!"

"Fuck!"

They both shouted and slumped their shoulders. They walked out of the laser tag room, pulling off their headsets and vests as they went.

"Fuckin' kids, ruining our laser tag." Dalton laughed. Neil scoffed.

"Right, because they have a long standing feud with seniors in high school over who gets dibs on the laser tag place." Neil rolled his eyes, setting his gear down on the counter.

"Well, they didn't before, but they do now!" Dalton said. "It's on like donkey kong mother fuckers!" He shouted at the closed door. Neil slapped him on the chest playfully.

"Don't curse at the youngins'." He laughed.

"They deserve it." Dalton smiled as they walked back to the car. "I told you you would have more fun here, than with Conner." Dalton said.

"I never said I did. Have you tried his pancakes? They're pretty good. Plus, he got me a dog." Neil laughed.

"Well, come on then." Dalton said, grabbing Neils hand and running the rest of the way through the mostly empty parking lot.

"Oh Jesus, what now?" Neil whined.

"You've raised the bar, and now I must meet it." Dalton smiled, and started the car.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"What are we doing here? They closed hours ago." Neil said, as they stood at the pet store. 

"I need to beat out that dog, don't I?"

"Funny thing... You actually DON'T have to do that. That could be your LEAST favorite thing to do." Neil said, wrapping his arms around himself to keep warm.

"But where's the fun in that?" Dalton asked, smiling at him as the lock clicked open.

"You suck." Neil mumbled, as Dalton dragged him inside. 

"Stay here." Dalton said, running off into the dark of the store. Neil hopped up on the counter and swung his legs lazily, waiting for his unwanted date to return. He came back a few minutes later, box in hand.

"Oh god, what is that and please don't tell me it has rabies. I already narrowly escaped rabies at the last place you took me to." Neil said. Dalton opened the box, revealing a small rat.

"It doesn't have rabies." 

"What? What are these words that are coming out of your mouth? Do you know what a rat is? It is the definition of rabies." Neil said.

"That's dogs." Dalton smiled.

"Well, then, it's going to give me polio or scarlet fever or something, get it away from me." 

"It's cleaner than that dog of yours, come on. Take it." Dalton laughed.

"Be gone plagued demon!" Neil shouted at the tiny rat, who sat on the counter staring at him with large beady eyes.

"It likes you."

"It's freakin' me out right now, not gonna lie." Neil stared at the rat.

"Rat's aren't as dirty as people make them out to be, and they're really smart." Dalton said.

"It's all the diseases and shit they carry, they're like spiderman. They catch something and gain superpowers." Neil mumbled.

"Spiderman was bitten by a spider. He didn't catch something." Dalton laughed.

"He caught the spider, didn't he?" 

"Are you always this sarcastic?"

"No." Neil said, sarcastically.

"Jesus." Dalton rolled his eyes. "Are you going to take the rat or not?"

"Not." Neil stared at him. The small black rodent scurried across the counter and climbed up Neils shirt. "Noooo, I feel the diseases spreading as we speak. I'm going blind, my ears are falling off, somebody help me." He scrunched up into a ball as the rat sat on his shoulder.

"You're fine." Dalton laughed at Neils whining.

"Fine, dying from herpes, same thing." Neil said.

"What's your obsession with herpes and rabies?" Dalton asked.

"I could talk about the chlamydia and mad cow if you like." Neil said.

"Any other diseases you would like to pair up?" Dalton crossed his arms.

"Polio and scarlet fever have already been mentioned." Neil said, pretending to think about it. "Then there's cancer and malaria, meningitis and the plague...and...and..." 

"That's it, then?"

"Give me another rat and I'm sure I could think of more." Neil said.

"Come on, lets go." Dalton smiled.

"Sure..."

"Something wrong?"

"No."

"Liar." Dalton laughed.

"Am not. I just don't want to head home, right now. Just drop me off at the park or something."

"Why don't you want to head home?"

"I just don't." Neil lied.

"Come on." Dalton grabbed Neils hand. He began pulling Neil over to the dog section of the pet store.

A few minutes later, they sat in the hallway. Dalton had pulled out several large dog beds and they sat in the pile of soft material and fluffy cushions.

"Dog beds are really comfortable." Neil said.

"Oh, yeah." Dalton chuckled. Neil watched as his new disease carrying friend climbed up his torso and curled up in the spot between his neck and the soft dog bed. "What are you going to name him?"

"Rabies." Neil said. Dalton looked over at him.

"Seriously?" He laughed, when Neil nodded. "A dog named Chewy and a rat named Rabies." 

"They're fitting names." Neil said defensivly. 

"So, why don't you want to go home?" Dalton asked.

"I don't know, my dad and I don't really get along." Neil said. He wasn't sure why he was telling Dalton this.

"So you're saying you would rather be laying in a pile of dog beds with the guy you're on a date with, with rabies on your neck, than go home?" Dalton asked. Neil looked over at him and laughed.

"Yeah, I guess." Neil said.

"Score one for Dalton." Dalton pumped his fist in the air.

"Weirdo." Neil rolled his eyes.

"But, I'm the weirdo you're on a date with." Dalton pointed out.

"I'm not gay!" Neil shouted, for the hundredth time that night.

"Whatever, whatever." Dalton held his hands up innocently.

"So what about you? What's your family like?" Neil asked.

"It's just me and my mom. She's...She's not the best mother out there." Dalton hesitated. Neil looked over at him, disturbing the sleeping Rabies. The rat blinked and curled back up.

"I'm sorry...What's wrong?"

"She just gets drunk a lot, is all. It's hard to deal with sometimes. I come out here and do this a lot." Dalton said. "I'm fucked when they get security cameras." Dalton smiled and laughed.

"What happened to your dad?" Neil asked.

"He was killed, by an infected." Dalton said, his eyes turning dark. Neil swallowed.

"How?"

"He was trying to help one after he was attacked. The guy flipped out and clawed him to death." Dalton said. "He was a paramedic." 

"I'm sorry." Neil said. "But you know, not all infected are like that. The guy was probably just really scared." Neil said.

"That's not an excuse." Dalton turned around, his back to Neil. Neil pushed himself up on his elbows and looked at Dalton. He didn't know what to say. 

Was it fair for him to hold infected on a higher pedestal that humans? He hadn't seen anything that proved that his kind were any different that humans. They could show the same cruelty, if given the chance. Were they really all the same? Was humanity really a plague of horrible people, and bad choices. not a species?

"I'm sure your dad was a great guy." Neil said. Dalton nodded.

"He was." He whispered softly. He sighed. The two of them sat there a moment longer, Neil petting the small rat, who had tumbled down one of the fluffy dog beds when Neil had sat up to speak to Dalton. But Neil couldn't stop the thoughts about the human race, his own, and if they were really that different after all.

~~~~~~~~~

"So, how was your date with dumber?" Conner asked, pointing at Dalton. They sat in class and the teacher was on the phone while the class talked amongst themselves quietly.

"If he's dumber, doesn't that make you dumb?" Neil raised an eyebrow.

"Shut up." Conner blushed, realizing he had pushed himself over that cliff.

"It wasn't a date, I'm not gay." Neil said.

"You went on two dates, with two different guys. You're gay." Conner smiled. Neil rolled his eyes. "Besides, no one wears pants that fabulous if they don't have a little queer flare to them." Conner teased. Neil slapped his hand away, laughing.

"You hitting on my boyfriend, Conner?" Dalton asked, his arm resting on Neils shoulder.

"Wait, what?" Neil blinked. The bell rang and the class emptied quickly.

"You took him on one date, to a diner. I made him delicious pancakes and I got him a dog." Conner got in Daltons face, both of them challenging each other for the heart of the young man before them.

"Technically, I found the dog...He was starving in your cellar." 

"Oh, I didn't just take him to a diner, I pulled out the big guns." Dalton crossed his arms, smiling smuggly.

"You didn't..." Conner looked shocked.

"Oh, I did." Dalton smiled wider.

"I'm getting that 'piece of meat in a lion cage' feeling again, guys." Neil frowned at the ground, seeming to only talk to himself.

"Damn you and your laser tag!" Conner cursed.

"And I got him a rat!" Dalton beamed.




A Pessimists Romance Ch. 02



"Really, you're not helping my opinion of the human race." Neil mumbled.

"Dogs are better than rats." Conner said, getting even closer to Dalton. Dalton pushed Neil back and met Conner where Neil was standing only a few seconds ago.

"Okay, I'm over here, now." Neil raised his arms before letting them fall to his sides.

"Oh, yeah?" Dalton asked.

"Damn straight." Conner smiled.

"This is accomplishing nothing..." Neil sighed.

"Well, we talked about deep stuff! About our families and stuff." Dalton raised an eyebrow.

"Now this is just getting embarrassing." Neil said weakly, as somebody stared at them while walking by the open door to the room.

"Well, he told me he's infected!" Conner shouted, glad he finally topped Dalton in their conquest for the young mans affections.

"Conner!" Neil shouted. Conner slapped both hands over his mouth.

"I'm sorry!" He shouted, muffling the apology with his hands. Neil glared at him before storming off. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Conner repeated, as Neil fled.

"Neil!" Dalton ran after him. Both of them began chasing after the fleeing infected.

"Neil, I'm so sorry." Conner grabbed Neils arm.

"Let go of me!" Neil shouted. He let a strong flow of electricity through his arm and watched as Conner tensed and then fell on the floor as he ended the flow.

"Holy shit." Dalton mumbled, staring down at Conner.

"Touch me again, and I'll send a shock through your body so hard, metal will stick to you for the next month." Neil threatened Conner, who sat on the ground. Neil was thankful that they were alone in the hallway. He turned, and left the school, leaving the two alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Neil sat in his bedroom in the attic and was surprised when there was a knock on the door. 

"Who is it?" He asked. The door opened and Dalton poked his head in. Neil shoved his head in a pillow.

"Hey..." Dalton said.

"Hey." Neil mumbled. Rabies poked his head out of the pillow he had crawled under with Neil, to watch Dalton cross the room.

"So..." Dalton didn't know what to say.

"How is Conner?" Neil asked.

"He's okay, we just told the hospital he got tasered..." Dalton shrugged.

"He had to go to the hospital?! Oh god, I'm such a horrible person." Neil slammed his head into the pillow.

"You're not a horrible person. You're just...sparky." Dalton shrugged.

"He's going to hate me. I was just so mad... I've never lost control of myself like that before." Neil said.

"He knows you're mad, and he isn't mad at you. He knows he fucked up when he told me... that." Dalton shifted back and forth on his feet.

"And about that...I'm sorry...I should have told you, I just...I want to stay as normal as I can for as long as possible." Neil said.

"You don't want people to know because you think they will treat you bad?" Dalton asked.

"Won't they?" Neil asked.

"You don't trust in people enough."

"Why should I? People suck. If given the chance, they'll hang you from your neck while stealing the cash from your pockets." Neil glared at the wall.

"You're a peppy one, aren't you?" Dalton laughed.

"Don't pretend like you don't think of me different." Neil stared at him.

"I don't." Dalton said. "Besides, even if I did. Why do you care? It's not like we're dating." Dalton frowned and kicked at the ground.

"Why do you want to date me so bad?" Neil glared at him.

"Because I like you. You're hot." Dalton laughed, before getting serious again. "And you're smart."

"You've only known me for like a week." Neil said.

"Doesn't that prove how obvious it is then?" Dalton laughed. Neil rolled his eyes.

"Well, I'm sure you don't like me now." Neil wrapped his arms around his legs and rested his head on his knees.

"What are you talking about? Of course I do." Dalton said. "I told you you wouldn't change my mind about you." 

"So you still want to go out with me?" Neil was surprised.

"Hell yeah, I do!" Dalton beamed.

"Oh..." Neil seemed confused.

"Come on, Give me a chance. Theres nothing wrong with just going out with a guy." Dalton said. Neil looked up at him.

"Okay...Fine." He gave a small smile. Dalton beamed and hugged Neil to his chest. 

"Yes!" He cheered. "I finally get a gay boy of my very own!" 

"I'm not gay!" Neil resisted the hug, but couldn't pull free from the tight grip on his rib cage.

~~~~~~~~~~

Neil stuffed his books in his locker and grabbed his notepad. He turned after locking the blue, faded, locker and came face to face with Conner.

"Conner..." Neil mumbled, surprised.

"Oh, hey." Conner gave a small smile.

"Look...I'm sorry, Conner. I didn't mean to hurt you, I was just upset and-"

"It's fine. I totally understand. I was a douchebag." Conner blushed. "I shouldn't have said what I said. It wasn't my secret to tell." 

"It's fine. I shouldn't have reacted like that." Neil smiled.

"So we're both assholes, I can live with that. So, asshole, wanna go out tonight?" Conner asked, as they began walking down the hall.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought Dalton told you..." Neil said.

"Told me what? I've been home for a week, keep twitching." Conner chuckled. Neil blushed.

"We're seeing each other now. Exclusively." Neil said, feeling awkward.

"What? What happened to not being gay?" Conner stopped and looked at him with eyes that said his favorite toy had just been smashed.

"Well, why do we have to put a label on everything? Maybe I just want to have some fun." Neil shrugged. "What's wrong with that?"

"Well.. Nothing...I guess. It's just... Why cant you have fun with someone else?"

"Someone like you?" Neil raised an eyebrow.

"What's wrong with me?" Conner frowned.

"Nothing, I just...Dalton has been there for me is all." Neil shrugged.

"And I haven't?" Conner was almost shouting.

"Calm down, I didn't mean it like that."

"I just made a mistake. I didn't mean to blurt out your secret like that." Conner lowered his voice.

"I know that, and I'm over it. I just mean that-"

"That I'm not good enough for you?" Conner asked.

"No! You're reading into this all wrong." Neil said.

"I just don't understand why you won't go out with me." Conner said, yelling again.

"Dalton made the first move, I'm sorry Conner." Neil said.

"He did not!" Conner shouted, as Neil started walking away. "I had the first date, and I would have asked you out again if I hadn't been at home having mini seizures." Conner glared at his back. Neil turned around and threw his arms up.

"I said I'm sorry. Okay? Did you ever think that maybe this is why I'm with Dalton, and not you? You try to hard, Conner." Neil said. He turned, and walked into his class as the bell rang, leaving Conner alone.



A Pessimists Romance Ch. 03



Neil sighed and threw down the pencil. He couldn't focus with all of these thoughts running through his head. He was happy with Dalton. He was a little arrogant, but he treated Neil well. Better than Neil thought most people would treat him. He still had no hope for humanity. 

"Something wrong?" Dalton asked. Neil looked over at him. They were sitting in his room on wednesday night, trying to finish their English project due tomorrow morning.

"I'm just having trouble focusing." Neil said. It was the truth. He was happy with Dalton, but he did miss Conner. Conner had a certain way about him that Dalton didn't have. Neil couldn't place what it was, but it was very obvious when it wasn't there. It drove him insane. 

"Maybe I can fix that." Dalton smiled. He climbed over Neil and began kissing him feverishly. Neil moaned under him and let Dalton take control. He didn't like losing control, but he knew Dalton loved having him be so submissive under him. It made Neil nervous.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Conner stared at Neil from across the room. His pale skin called out to him. He wanted to lick and nibble at the hollow spot under his chin. He wanted to kiss the soft pink lips that smiled ever so softly at Dalton. Conner hadn't spoken to either of them in weeks. He missed his friends, but he couldn't keep his anger under control when he saw them together. He wanted Neil. He deserved Neil. 

It wasn't a secret that Dalton was possessive and arrogant. But would cheat on his boyfriend the first chance he got. Conner had dated Dalton for four days before they drove each other insane. After they broke up they had remained friends, both agreeing they were better that way.

"Thank you, Neil." Their teacher said, as he finished their presentation. Neil nodded and sat back down. Conner snapped his pencil in his fists as Dalton leaned over and whispered something to Neil, making him laugh softly. He had to get over this. He missed Neil too much. Dalton he could live without. But if he wanted to remain friends with Neil, he would have to get over it. Dalton had him now. The bell rang and the class stood up and began walking out the door. Conner waited until Dalton waved goodbye and walked in the opposite direction.

"Neil." Conner called out. Neil turned around and seemed shocked when he saw it was Conner calling him.

"Hey." He smiled softly, almost hesitating.

"Hey. I just wanted to say I'm sorry I got so pissed off. I really want to stay friends." Conner said.

"I wanted to stay friends, too. But you got so mad. I really don't want to have to deal with that, Conner." Neil said.

"I'm sorry, okay? I was just jealous. I still am, but I can see past that. I don't want to lose you as a friend." He grabbed Neils hand and made him stop to talk to him. He felt a spark but Neil quickly got a hold of himself. Neil sighed.

"You're totally right. I still feel bad for taking you out of school for a week. You are okay, right?" Neil asked. Connor nodded. "Good...Hey, we were going to go to the movies tonight, do you want to come?" Neil asked.

"Are you sure Dalton will be okay with this? I haven't talked to him yet..." Connor said.

"He'll be fine." Neil smiled. "We'll pick you up at eight." Neil said, and walked away.

~~~~~~~~~~

They chose a horror movie. Connor watched as Neil sat between the other two men. Dalton hadn't said anything when he picked him up, but he was sure he was pissed at Connor. Connor wasn't sure why, either. He hadn't done anything to Dalton. The movie started and Dalton was holding the popcorn. Neil munched quietly on the buttery goodness while focusing on the movie. But Connor couldn't help but stare at his smooth jaw and pink lips. He looked up from Neils beautiful face and met eyes with Dalton, who had caught him staring at his boyfriend. 

Dalton scowled at him and wrapped his arm around Neils shoulder, pulling him in close. Neil rested his head on Daltons shoulder and Dalton smiled smugly at Connor. Connor felt the anger building inside him. He tried to focus on the movie but just couldn't get into it. He looked over and saw Dalton playing with Neils hair. 

He reached over to grab a handful of popcorn from Daltons lap, and made an extra effort to get his own face close to Neils, who didn't even notice the sly move. Dalton glared at him as he closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of Neils hair. He raised an eyebrow at Dalton and moved back to his seat. Dalton glared at him for the rest of the movie.

Neil jumped at all of the scary parts and buried his head in Daltons neck. Connor was surprised that Neil was scared. He just seemed so cool and aloof all the time. But he guessed that was because of his 'I don't give a shit' attitude, not his bravery. The two boys kept trying to one up each other through the whole film. Dalton held Neil closely and Connor kept finding ways to get close to him. He would offer Neil candy and would feed it to him, or would reach over to steal some popcorn from Dalton, getting unnecessarily close to Neil. He pretended to be scared during one of the scary parts and grabbed Neils hand, not letting go for the rest of the movie. 

When Dalton watched, for the fourth time, as Connor fed Neil a Junior Mint, he decided he had had enough. He threw the popcorn at Connor and pulled Neil up, storming out of the theatre.

"What the hell are you doing?" Neil pulled his hand from Daltons.

"He keeps making a move on you!" Dalton pointed at Connor, who had followed them out. 

"He is not! He's just a friend Dalton, I can't believe you're throwing a fit over this. What, I can't have male friends anymore?" Neil asked. Dalton crossed his arms.

"Not if you're friends with him." he said.

"You're making me chose between my friend and my boyfriend?" Neil crossed his own arms.

"Yes. you can be friends with anyone but him, Neil. He just wants to get with you!" Dalton shouted. People stared at them while buying their tickets or their drinks.

"That's such bullshit, Dalton. And you know it. He wouldn't do that." Neil said.

"Then fuck you, Neil. You made your choice." Dalton stormed out. Neil sighed and put a hand to his head.

"I get out of solitary confinement after three years and I have to deal with high school drama, what is this shit?" He muttered.

"I'm sorry Neil." Connor said.

"It's okay. It's not your fault." He waved a hand. "I didn't think he would get so jealous." 

"You can't really blame him. I would get jealous if you were my boyfriend and he was hitting on you." Connor shrugged, as they began walking from the theatre.

"Yeah, but you weren't hitting on me. He got mad over nothing." Neil said.

"Well... In all honesty I was kind of getting close to you, just to piss him off." Connor admitted. Neil stopped and stared at him, before sighing and started walking again.

"I'm with Dalton, Connor. I plan to keep it that way. Sure he's a little arrogant, and can be annoying...but he's a good guy. I'm sorry." Neil said. 

"I know. I hope you guys are happy together. Just know that I'll always be there for you...okay?" Connor said. Neil nodded. 

"Thank you." He smiled. He knew that Connor meant it. He would always be there for him.

~~~~~~~~

Months passed and Neil and Dalton stopped hanging out with Connor. Dalton would get jealous, or Connor would get pissed off. It was best if they just stopped talking all together. Neil would pass Connor in the hallway and wave and smile, but that was where their contact ended. In no time at all, Graduation was just around the corner. As they lined up to get their robes and cap, Dalton put his arm around Neil.

"So have you decided where you're going after all of this?" Dalton looked around the high school.

"Yeah. I want to go to UC Berkeley." Neil said.

"What? You aren't a musician." Dalton frowned.

"Yes I am. I've been in Orchestra all year, and I was playing before that." Neil said, shocked Dalton didn't know.

"Oh...Thats cool." Dalton shrugged.

"Where are you going?" Neil asked, moving forward in the line.

"Nowhere. I think I'll just take a break from school for a year or two." Dalton smiled.

"Oh, that's cool I guess." Neil shrugged. Dalton wasn't stupid, he wasn't a genius, but he could get into a good college if he wanted.

~~~~~~~~~~

"God you're so hot." Dalton panted as he kissed Neil passionately. 

"You're not so bad yourself." Neil smiled. Dalton pushed his shirt over his head and began nibbling at Neils nipples.

"Please, Neil. I have to have you. You're so beautiful." He panted. Neil nodded. Dalton smiled and moved down lower. In no time at all Neil was naked and Dalton was sucking his cock greedily. Neil writhed under his hungry mouth and let Dalton take control. He felt his balls tighten up and he panted heavily.

"Dalton, I'm gonna cum." He said. Dalton kept suck until Neil flooded his mouth. Dalton smiled around his cock and sucked out the last drop. Neil panted and Dalton leaned over, spitting the cum out into the trash. Neil poked out his lip.

"You don't really love me." He joked. Dalton laughed, wiping his mouth. He pushed Neils knee's up to his chest.

"Hold these for me?" He winked at Neil, who smiled and wrapped his arms under his knees and held them up, giving Dalton access to his hole. Dalton rolled the condom on and squeezed a fair amount of lube out onto his cock, rubbing it around the condom. Neil felt the cold lube on his hole as Dalton worked it in slowly, stretching him out. He moaned under Daltons fingers and took a deep breath when he felt Dalton's cock up against his ass. Dalton pushed in and the head popped in. Neil hissed and Dalton paused, letting him adjust to his size.

"Are you okay?" He asked. Neil nodded. 

"Keep going, I like the pain." He admitted. Dalton raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"My own little S&M freak." He smiled, and pushed the rest of his cock into Neil's hole quickly. Neil cried out in pain and pleasure and Dalton began fucking him quickly. Neil tossed his head back and forth as Dalton pounded into him. Neil would have cum sooner, but the feeling of Dalton standing over him ruined it. He pushed Dalton back and climbed on top of his cock, sinking down on his pole. He rolled his head back and moaned. He preferred being on top. In no time at all he squeezed Daltons shoulders as his boyfriend jacked him off.

"Oh shit!" Neil cried out as he came for the second time that night. Dalton moaned and pulled Neil down against his chest. He filled the condom and smiled at the feeling of Neils cum between their chests.

"Shit, I love being eighteen." Dalton laughed. "You wont be able to cum twice in one night forever, you know?" He smiled.

"Oh I can do more than that." Neil winked.

"You're a little horn dog. Why didn't we do this sooner?" Dalton asked.

"I had to make sure you were the right guy, you know?" Neil smiled.

"So wait, you're a virgin?" Dalton said, surprised.

"Not anymore." Neil chuckled.

"Wow...It means a lot to me that I was your first, Neil. It makes me feel really close to you." Dalton stroked Neil's back, as they laid together in the dark.

"I feel close to you too, Dalton." Neil smiled. He realized he wasn't lying. Dalton was one of the first people he had felt close to in a long time. He felt his heart begin to stir, something else he also hadn't felt in a long time.

"Good, I don't want us to be just a fling. I want this to mean something, Neil." Dalton whispered.

"When I was in solitary, in the camps...I just shut myself off from everyone. Even when I got out. I can't connect with my dad, or with my teachers or any of the guys from school. I forgot how good it feels to be connected to someone." Neil admitted. He put his ear to Dalton's chest and listened to his heartbeat. Dalton sat quietly as Neil listened to the steady 'thump thump' of his chest. He put a hand on Daltons chest. As his heart beat, he let two small electrical currents flow from his hand. Dalton jumped and smiled.

"That feels...really weird." He said. Neil did it again, letting the current flow at the same time as the beat of his heart. He smiled, and kept up the routine for awhile longer. Finally he began falling asleep, letting the steady rhythm of Daltons heart soothe him.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey Neil." Connor smiled.

"Hey." Neil returned the smile.

"Nice." Connor nodded at his diploma. 

"You too." Neil laughed. Dalton walked up and wrapped his arms around Neil.

"Hey babe, congrats." He smiled. 

"You too." Neil smiled and kissed Dalton happily. Connor kept the fake smile plastered on his face.

"So what are you guys going to do to celebrate?" Connor asked.

"We were going to go to the grad party, in a half hour." Dalton said. "Want to come?" Dalton had managed to warm up to Connor again, once Connor agreed to back off.

"Nah, I wouldn't want to be a third wheel." Connor shook his head.

"No, come on. It will be fun." Neil said. 

"What?" Dalton and Connor said at the same time. 

"The eternal pessimist says somethings going to be...wait for it...fun?" Connors jaw dropped.

"Not horrible and traumatizing?"

"Or painful and scarring?"

"Or depressing and-"

"Okay okay, you made your point, alright?" Neil laughed.

"So hey, whatever happened to 'I'm not gay'?" Connor asked.

"Oh be quiet." Neil scowled. Dalton laughed the hardest. They climbed into Daltons car and sat down.

"You need to get a new truck." Neil complained.

"What's wrong with this one?" Connor looked around the ancient truck.

"Well for one thing, it has no seat belts." Neil glared.

"The guy who owned it before me took them out to replace them after an accident. They broke and he just kind of forgot about them." Dalton explained.

"Yeah, I still want a seat belt." Neil glared at Dalton harder.

"Baby." Dalton winked at him. They pulled up to the other side of the school.

"Lets party like rock stars, boys!" Connor smiled and jumped out of the truck excitedly.

~~~~~~~~

"For a school dance, this is actually kind of fun." Connor said over the loud music. Neil nodded. "So Dalton said you're in Orchestra? When did that happen?" Connor asked.

"Why does nobody know anything about me?" He threw his hand up.

"What do you play?" Connor asked.

"The violin is my main instrument. But I can also play trombone." Neil smiled.

"Wow, a man of many skills." He laughed. "So does that mean you're good at hand jobs AND blow jobs?" Connor winked.

"You bet he is." Dalton walked up with their small cups of punch, putting his arm around Neil's shoulders.

"Dalton!" Neil laughed and elbowed him in the side, accepting his drink.

"It's true, babe. I'm not gonna lie." Dalton laughed, kissing Neil's temple playfully.

"I have to admit...You two are kind of cute together." Connor said.

"Thanks." Neil smiled, glad that Connor got rid of most of his jealousy...most of it.

"I just want you guys to be happy. If that means I'm the third wheel...I think I can deal with that." Connor smiled sadly.

"You're not a third wheel." Neil said. "We're all still friends. Though I don't think I'm going to ever get over you guys treating me like some prize to be won." Neil rolled his eyes.

"Let us just be macho and old fashioned for a little bit." Dalton laughed.

"You can't be old fashioned when you're not old!" Neil shouted, smiling.

"True..." Dalton shrugged. "But who needs to be old when you have spiked punch!" Dalton held up his cup.

"What? Someone already spiked it?" Neil looked down at his drink as if he would be able to tell the difference.

"Yep...someone." Dalton looked around and pulled out an empty unmarked bottle.

"Jesus, Dalton. You used the whole thing." Connor whispered and looked around.

"I need a nice buzz!" He held up his hands, downing his entire cup of punch.

"You're so not driving tonight." Neil set his down.

"Oh come on, get blitzed with me Neily." Dalton smiled.

"I don't drink. But thanks anyways. Besides, someone has to get you into bed once you crash." Neil crossed his arms.

"Always the responsible one. Loosen up. You deserve it. You are graduating after all." Dalton nibbled Neils neck playfully and Neil pushed him away.

"You really can't hold your liquor, can you?" Neil shook his head.

"Oh, like you can do any better. Look at you, you tiny thing." Dalton pinched Neil's small waist.

"Hey! Hands off." Neil slapped him away playfully.

"I like hands on better." Dalton whispered, and pulled Neil in for a hungry kiss, before going to get another cup full of the spiked punch.

"I'm sorry. If I had known he was going to be spiking shit, I wouldn't have let him leave the house." Neil blushed.

"It's okay. You guys are a couple, you're supposed to be all lovey dovey. If you weren't, I would be worried." Connor smiled, still a little sad.

"I hope you know you're my best friend, Connor. Dalton may be my boyfriend, but a guy still needs a best friend, you know?" Neil said.

"Yeah...You're my best friend too." Connor smiled back.

"Come on, Connor. Neil wont drink with me, so you have to." Dalton handed him another drink, though he hadn't even touched the one he had been given first.

"Oh jesus." Connor laughed. He looked down at both of the cups and rolled his eyes, before tossing back first one, then the other.

"Yeeeees!" Dalton cheered.

"You're already drunk, huh?" Neil rolled his eyes.

"Blitzed, Neilly. Blitzed." Dalton corrected.

"Blitzed...right...and stop calling me Neilly." He glared. He looked over and saw Connor was still fine, even after Dalton had given him a third drink to nurse. "At least someone here can hold a drink with more alcohol than a Capri-sun." Neil mumbled. Connor laughed.

"My parents let me drink on holidays, and my dad gives me a beer from time to time. So I guess this just isn't my first time touching the stuff." Connor pushed Dalton with a finger and he swayed a little bit.

"I was never one for drinking. I like being in control of my actions." Neil laughed. Watching Daltons glazed eyes.

"Man...this stuff is strong." Dalton slurred.

"You're an idiot." Neil laughed and rested his head on Dalton's shoulder.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

After an hour, Dalton was completely wasted. His speech was slurred and he stumbled noticeably around the hardwood floors of the gym. The dance was going to be over soon, and Neil wanted to get Dalton out of there before the teachers got a chance to get a good look at him.

"Maybe I should drive you home, Neil. I don't think he's okay to get behind the wheel." Connor said, worried, as Neil was about to put Dalton in the car. His boyfriend leaned on his shoulder heavily and Neil struggled to hold up his weight.

"Thank you, I don't really want him to drive anywhere." Neil admitted.

"Where's his keys?" Connor asked. He had only finished the three drinks Dalton had given him, and he was only a little glassy eyed. Neil gave Dalton to Connor and sat in the passenger seat, waiting for Connor to put Dalton in the back and grab his keys. Neil reminded himself that he needed to get his license soon, it sucked having to be charioted around like a princess.

"Get off me!" Dalton shoved Connor aside. "You just want to get alone with Neil, don't you?" he snapped. "I can drive just fine." He mumbled, and climbed into the drivers seat, locking the doors and putting the key in the ignition.

"Dalton, what are you doing? You're to drunk to drive give the keys to Connor." Neil said.

"You are cheating on me!" Dalton slurred. He revved the engine before beginning to pull out of the now empty parking lot.

"Dalton, you're drunk. I'm not cheating on you, not with Connor, and not with anybody." Neil tried to talk some sense into him, as he pulled out onto the road, hitting the curb on his way out. Neil looked back and saw Connor running across the school to get his own car, which he had left parked where they had graduation.




A Pessimists Romance Ch. 03



"Fuck you, Neil. You just think you're so great. Don't you?" Dalton glared at him.

"Dalton, keep your eyes on the road!" Neil said. He watched the speedometer climb. 15, 20, 25...

"You're fucking him, aren't you? I knew it. I wasn't your first. I bet you sleep with everyone. Fucking whore." Dalton shouted.

"Dalton! What are you doing? Stop!" Neil was getting scared. 30, 40... Dalton had made a wrong turn and had ended up on a long country road. The road was dark and unlit, only the moon guided their way.

"Fuck you! You don't trust me, do you?" Dalton said. He kept turning to glare and yell at Neil, keeping his eyes off the road for ten seconds at a time.

"Dalton please! Just pull over. You're going to fast." Neil said. He reached for a seat belt and remembered the truck didn't have one.

"This isn't fast!" Dalton waved his hand. The speedometer climbed even more. 45...50...55... Neil swallowed. He looked behind him and saw that Connor was following, trying to stay at a safe speed without losing them.

"Dalton please, you're going to crash. Just pull over and I'll drive for christ sake!" Neil said. He would say anything to get Dalton to pull over.

"Tell me you love me." Dalton said, tears fell down his cheeks and he held out a hand, brushing Neils cheek.

"Just stop! You're going to fast! You can't even see the road!" Neil said, not hearing Dalton anymore, only focusing on the road ahead. 60, 65, 70...

"Say it!" Dalton shouted. 75...80..

"I love you, Dalton! I love you!" Neils heart raced. he thought about shorting out the car, but realized it was probably too old to have a decent computer in it, and even if it did, it would only lock it up and they would go even faster.

"You're lying!" Dalton said. He turned to shout at Neil and didn't see the curve in the road. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Connor followed behind Dalton. He watched as his own speedometer climbed. He didn't want to speed but he couldn't just let Dalton drive off with Neil. He could see the road ahead and knew that Dalton wasn't watching by the way he drove. He drove across the center line more than once and quite a few times he swayed a bit. Connor didn't know what to do when he saw the bend in the road. It was only small, but when they were going almost ninety miles an hour, it might as well have been a 90 degree turn.

The truck flipped and began rolling. Connor hit the breaks and watched as the old truck rolled once, twice, three times, and finally ended upside down. It had gone through a fence and into a large ditch. The barbed wire and wood spikes the fence had been made of wrapped around the truck and steam poured from the engine. Connor grabbed his phone and shut off the car, running as he dialed. He realized he got no service out here and cursed. He tossed the phone aside.

"Neil? Dalton?" he called out. The drivers side was closest and Connor couldn't see anything, as the door was bent nearly completely closed. He ran around the car and bent down at the passenger's side. He looked inside and saw the truck was empty. He frowned. He looked up and saw the windshield had been broken through. He looked around and saw Neil lying a long ways away. He scrambled over to him and hesitated. He reached his hand out and touched his neck softly. At first his blood went cold when he realized he couldn't feel anything, then it was there. A faint beat. He ran over to his phone that he had thrown, and checked the signal again.

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck!" He cursed. He wandered around, trying to find a signal and got nothing. "Shit!" He shouted. He ran back to Neil.

"Neil? Neil are you okay?" He gently tapped Neil's face. He didn't move. A large gash was above his eyebrow, and gushed blood onto his face. White could be seen underneath the skin and Connor swallowed the bile rising in his throat. "Come on, Neil. Just wake up, please." Connor begged. He looked Neil up and down and saw his arm broken. Broken was a gentle word in this case. His arm was nearly completely torn to shreds. Most of his hand was completely gone, and everything up to the elbow was just a jagged mess.

He only had one option. He rolled Neil onto his back carefully, and wrapped his arm around him, ready to pick him up, when he felt bone crunch under his hand. He gasped and pulled his hands away. He wasn't a doctor but he knew enough to know that spines weren't supposed to move like that. He also knew he wasn't supposed to move someone who had been in a car crash, but he had no choice.

He picked up a limp Neil as gently as he could and put him in the front seat with him. He left the door to his truck open and ran out to find Dalton. Finally he found him, tossed in the opposite direction Neil was. He didn't look as bad as Neil, and when Dalton picked him up, he didn't feel any broken bones. He picked him up for a second and then realized that he wouldn't be able to fit both of them in his truck.

"Fucking hell!" He cursed, setting Dalton down. "I'm coming back for you, Buddy, I 'll send help, I promise. Just hold in there." He whispered to Dalton. His heartbeat was strong and his breathing was just a little ragged. Connor ran back to his truck and started it, peeling out and driving as fast as he could towards the hospital. Before he knew it, sirens flashed behind him and he cursed as he pulled over.

"Do you know why I stopped- hey, is he okay?" The cop frowned. She was beautiful and her hand went to her gun right away.

"There was a car accident. I didn't get a signal out there and his heart beat was so weak...I just- my other friend is still back there. Shit I just left him there what the fuck is wrong with me?" Connor cursed himself, rambling so fast the police woman could hardly understand him.

"Slow down, kid. What happened?" She asked. Connor took a deep breath.

"Dalton got drunk and he was driving too fast. he rolled the car and it tossed them both out. I didn't get a signal out there so I couldn't call an ambulance! I had to leave him out there because he was in better shape than he is." He looked down at Neil, who was hardly breathing now.

"Okay, Where did all of this happen? I'll order an ambulance and more out there and escort you to the hospital." She said. After Connor told her where it happened, she used her radio to call for help. "Just follow me, I'll have my lights on and we'll get there a hell of a lot faster." She said, and ran back to her cruiser. She turned on the lights and sirens and Connor followed behind her quickly.

~~~~~~~~~

The doctors were expecting them and were waiting with a gurney as Connor carried Neil in. He set him down as quickly and gently as he could, praying he didn't hurt him more. They wheeled Neil off while asking Connor a barrage of questions.

"Is he allergic to any medication?"

"I...I- don't know...Is he going to be okay?" Connor asked, running along side them.

"We're going to do our best but I need you to talk to me. What's his name?" The nurse asked.

"Neil... His names Neil." Connor said, not taking his eyes off Neil as they assessed his injuries.

"He was in a car crash?" She asked.

"Y-yeah..." Connor stuttered, still in shock.

"Is he an infected?" The nurse asked. Connor paused. He didn't want to tell her, but Neil could die.

"Yeah." He said.

"What's he a hybrid with?" She asked, not pausing in between questions.

"An electric eel. He-...He can send out pulses of electricity when he wants to." Connor warned her.

"Okay, How old is he?"

"Uh...Eighteen I think." Connor said, still worrying about Neil.

"Does he have any parents we can contact? We don't have a file on him." The nurse said, drawing his attention back to her.

"I..I know where he lives I can go...I..." Connors mind was going blank and he found it hard to even finish a sentence. Right then, the doors swung open and Dalton was wheeled in. He was awake now and was moaning in pain. A doctor and two nurses looked over him and finally, the doctor and one nurse left while the one nurse began treating him for a few cuts and a broken arm. Connor was pissed.

"You dumb pile of fuck!" He shouted. "What the hell were you doing? Neil could be dying right now and you get out of it with a broken arm? Fuck you Dalton!" He shouted. "Fuck you!" He screamed, as two male nurses began dragging him away.

"You need to calm down." One said. Connor felt his anger surging again and it suddenly stopped when the heart monitor flat lined. Every eye in the room turned and looked at the machine, as it continuously beeped. Even the doctor froze for a second. Just for a second. He ordered one of the nurses around and she quickly climbed onto Neils chest and began doing CPR. Connor froze and watched as they tried to revive him, and it wasn't working. Finally, the doctor ordered her off and someone wheeled over a tray. The doctor placed two pads on his chest and shouted 'clear' just for a second before flipping the switch and sent the shock through Neils body. 

Neil hardly jumped. The doctor tried three more times, each time raising the amount of electricity sent through his chest, and everyone was about ready to give up. 

"We can't go any higher, it will do more damage than good." The doctor mumbled.

"He's hybrid with an electric eel. You have to keep trying!" Connor said, tears falling down his face. The doctor stared at him a second, before demanding they double what they had been trying before. Everyone looked at him like he was insane. But finally did as he asked. 

"Clear!" The doctor said, and flipped the switch. Neil finally moved more than a twitch and the heart monitor started beeping again. Connor let out the breath he hadn't even realized he had been holding, and fell to his knees.

"Thank you..." He whispered, to no one in particular. He looked up and saw Dalton staring at Neil as the nurse checked the rest of him out. Soon, Neil was pulled away and through a set of double doors.

"Where are they taking him?" Connor shouted, standing up.

"They're taking him to the operating room, he needs surgery." The nurse stopped him by putting two hands on his chest.

"I need to be with him...If he wakes up he's going to be so scared I just-" Connor rambled and she pushed him down onto a chair in the waiting room. Connor didn't know how he got there.

"You need to calm down. Are you okay?" The nurse asked. "Were you in the accident, too?" She worried.

"No...I just...I just saw it." Connors voice cracked.

"Have you been drinking?" She asked. Connor nodded, he didn't have the strength to lie.

"Okay. You need to stay here and just take a second to catch your breath, okay?" She said.

"Where's Dalton?" Connor asked, ignoring her.

"Who?" She furrowed her brow.

"The guy that just came in...with Neil." He said, completely in shock now.

"He's still being checked over by the nurses, but he doesn't look like he's too bad. We're probably going to keep him overnight for observation." The nurse said. She walked away and Connor was alone. More alone than he ever wanted to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Connor woke up from his nap in the waiting room chair and decided to try calling Neils father. He called the home number and no one picked up. He frowned and put his phone back in his pocket. He didn't know his cellphone number. He looked at his watch and realized he had been sleeping for three hours already. His back was stiff but he figured he was in better shape than Neil was. His heart skipped a beat. He stood up and wandered over to the front desk. He leaned over the plain counter to talk to the nurse there.

"Do you know if Neil is out of surgery yet?" He recognized the nurse from earlier.

"I'm sorry, but he's still in the operating room." She said.

"Isn't that a little long? Is everything okay?" Connor felt the panic rising.

"Calm down, surgery usually takes a few hours. It's like putting together a really big puzzle. It's going to take some time. It's no longer than usual. Why don't you head down to the cafeteria and get yourself something to eat?" She smiled, warmly.

"Okay...Yeah I should do that." He mumbled. He ate a half of a sandwich but couldn't force himself to eat any more. His stomach was doing flip flops and his heart was beating a mile a minute. Finally, he began noticing a few people staring at him and he finally looked down at himself. He was completely caked in blood. Blood clumped his hair together and his shirt had dried and stuck to his chest. His slacks he had worn to the dance were now stuck to his legs with blood and grime. He even felt smears of blood on his face. He swallowed. He looked like he had just stepped out of a scene from SAW.

He threw the rest of the food in the trash and told the nurse he would be back soon. She nodded and smiled. He made a mental note to stop by Neil's house and see if his dad was there, and to pick him up some clothes. He climbed into his truck and the huge blood stain on the seat made him stop. He stared at it for a minute before starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot.

~~~~~~~~~~

He stepped out of the shower and dressed in a pair of sweats and a T shirt. He wanted to get back to the hospital as soon as possible. He wanted to see if Neil was out of surgery yet. He had stopped by Neils house and gotten him some clothes. He didn't find his father, or the car there. He wished he knew how he could get a hold of him. He finished changing quickly and headed back to the hospital.

"Is he out of surgery yet?" He asked the nurse, who was still working at the front desk.

"He just got out a half hour ago. He hasn't woken up yet...No one but family can see him, have you found his father yet?" She asked.

"No. I don't know where he is." Connors heart broke when he found out he couldn't sit with Neil. The nurse must have seen this and she frowned and glanced around.

"Come on, you should get to see your brother." She winked. Connor smiled at her.

"Thank you." He said. She showed him to the room.

"You can hold his hand. Just be gentle." She said, before leaving them alone. Connor walked over to Neils right side and sat down in a chair that was there. He looked over at his pale face and saw the large gash in his head had been stapled. He had dark circles under his eyes and his face was covered in bruises and smaller cuts. His lip was swollen and his hair still had a little blood in it. His neck was in a brace and he looked so small in the bed. Connor reached out to hold his hand and froze. He felt his heart skip more than one beat. He had forgotten about his ravaged arm and didn't even think about it until he reached for his hand.

Neil was missing his right hand below the elbow. Connor put his head in his hands and cried for the injured boy. He kissed his forehead gently. He picked up the chair and moved it to the other side, holding Neils left hand.

"I promise, Neil. I'll always be here for you. I'll take good care of you, I promise." He whispered to the sleeping boy in front of him. "I won't let anyone hurt you again." He said quietly. Resting his head on Neils thin hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~



A Pessimists Romance Ch. 04



Connor was eventually kicked out of the room and was forced to wait in the waiting room until visiting hours started again. It was six in the morning and he hadn't gotten an ounce of sleep the whole night, when he saw Dalton walking towards the front desk. He held his jacket and was forced to wear his bloody clothes he had been wearing during the crash. He had a bandage on his head and a cast on his left arm. That was it.

Connors fury burned even brighter. Neil lost an arm and Dalton got to walk away with a scratch and a band aid. The world just wasn't fair. Dalton turned away and was heading towards the door when Connor stopped in front of him.

"You piece of shit." He said, through clenched teeth.

"Connor...How's Neil, have you heard anything?" It was obvious he had sobered up.

"Yeah, you stupid son of a bitch!" Connor shouted. The nurse gave him a look and he dragged Dalton outside.

"Is he okay?" Dalton asked, not noticing how Connor dragged him outside by his collar or how his jaw was clenched so tight you could practically hear his teeth crack under the pressure.

"God you're such an ass. I cant believe you did this! He's in the hospital! He had to have surgery!" Connor shouted, pointing inside the hospital. Dalton looked down at the ground.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. How is he?" Dalton asked.

"He's in deep shit, now. You did this to him you cost him..." Connors voice cracked and he turned around, trying to keep himself from crying. He turned back around, angrier than ever.

"You cost him his fucking arm, Dalton!" He shouted. Dalton went pale. "You just ruined his life! He wanted to go to Berkeley! He wanted to be a musician! How the fuck is he supposed to play the violin with one hand!" He lost control and swung at Dalton, who moved just a second too late. The blow connected to his shoulder and he fell against the wall. Connor pulled his hand back again, but this time Dalton was ready. He moved aside and Connors hand hit the wall of the hospital. 

He cried out and bent over, holding his hand in agony. He pulled it away and looked at the scraped flesh. His anger was subsiding, but he was still furious at Dalton.

"I've dealt with you two being together, and him picking you over me. I can live with that, as long as I know he's happy. And he was! He was so happy with you!" Connor shouted. "But you just had to go and fuck it up, didnt you? What the fuck was going through your head? He loved you, and in return, you ruin his life!" Connor said. "Stay the fuck away from him, or I'll beat you so bad you'll wish you're in his position, right now." Connor said. Dalton was crying and looking down at the ground like a kicked puppy. 

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." He sobbed quietly.

"Good. I hope you feel sorry for the rest of your life." Connor said, anger finally gone. Now all he wanted to do was get back to Neil. The nurse said he would probably be waking up today. Without another word, he did just that. He stepped inside and walked up to the front desk. The nurse he had gotten to know, Wendy, agreed to let him into visiting hours half an hour early, since it seemed Neil was beginning to wake up. Connor wanted to be there to comfort him when he found out just what kind of condition he was in.

He stepped into the room and sat down on his left side, so he was able to hold Neils hand. Neil turned his head and wrinkled his brow when Connor put his own hand on his. Connor watched him and smiled a little when Neil squeezed his hand. Connor took another look at where his right arm used to be. It had been amputated just above the elbow, and was wrapped in thick gauze. Connor sighed, he didn't want Neil to go through this. He had already had a harder life than most people his age, he didn't need this.

As if on cue, Neil began to wake up. He sighed and squinted his eyes as he opened them. He groaned and turned his head, as if he was trying to turn his head away from the bright hospital lights. Connor swallowed, how soon would he notice? What was he going to tell him? He didn't want to have to deal with that look on his face when he realized he was missing his right arm.

"God, my head." He mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

"Hey, Neil. How do you feel?" Connor asked, sweetly.

"My head hurts." He mumbled. Connor looked at the large gash in his head that had been stapled shut. "My mouth is dry." He said, not able to open his eyes completely yet. "Can I get some water?" Neil asked. Connor paged the nurses station and Wendy walked in. 

"He's awake." She smiled. She looked at Connor and he shook his head, Neil still hadn't noticed.

"He's a little thirsty. Can he have something to drink?" Connor asked.

"Let me get some ice chips for you." She smiled sweetly, and came back with a paper cup full of ice chips and a plastic spoon. She gave them to Connor without hesitation. Connor scooted closer.

"Open." he smiled, and fed Neil a small spoonful of ice chips. Before long Neil had taken the whole cup and was beginning to open his eyes.

"Thank you." He said, voice still dry and raspy.

"You're welcome. I should get the doctor." He said.

"What happened?" Neil asked, before Connor could even completely stand up from his chair.

"You don't remember?" Connor asked. Neil shook his head.

"I remember...I think I remember graduation...we went to the grad party afterwards in the gym..." Neil mumbled, squinting as if he was trying to see something that was just really far away. "I can't remember anything after that...Am I in the hospital?" He looked around.

"Yeah...You were in a car crash." Connor said. Neil looked at him like he was insane.

"What?" He asked.

"Dalton got drunk...he freaked out and just started driving...I couldn't stop him Neil, I tried. He didn't see the turn and he rolled the car." Connor sighed. "Jesus, he must have been going ninety on that fucking road." He swore, running his hands through his hair.

"I don't understand..." Neil said.

"He flipped the car, Neil. You guys were both thrown out of the fucking windshield. I had to carry you to my truck and get a police escort to get you here before you-" He couldn't finish the sentence. "I was so fucking scared." His hands were shaking and he looked down at the floor.

"Fuck..." Neil swore. "...Where's Dalton? Is he okay?" Neil asked.

"That piece of shit is fine. He walked away with a bruise and a kiss from mommy." Connor said, bitterly.

"What?" Neil frowned.

"He just has a broken arm and a bandage around his head." Connor shrugged.

"A broken arm? Jesus, where is he? Can I talk to him?" Neil reached up to push off the blankets to go find Dalton.

"Neil...wait... You don't need to worry about him, it's you you have to worry about you-" Connor didn't want to tell him. He couldn't tell him. He couldn't believe he hadn't noticed yet.

"What?" Neil asked, still drowsy and not all there.

"Neil you...You're in a lot worse shape than he is, right now." Connor said.

"My head just hurts, is all. I don't feel that bad." He mumbled.

"Neil..." Connor knew he had to say something but he just couldn't. He couldn't be the one to tear his world apart.

"Connor I just want to see-..." He reached up what would be his right hand to push the blankets away and froze. Connor froze as well and the room was deathly silent. Neils jaw dropped and he stared at the stump that sat where his lower arm used to be.

"Neil...I..." Connor didn't know what to say. the silence was killing him. Neils eyes filled with tears but none fell. "I'm so sorry, Neil. I'm so sorry I couldn't do more..." Connor cried. Neil stared down at his arm and finally he blinked, forcing the tears to fall down his cheeks. 

"No...I..." He was out of breath and tears were falling down his face at full force now. He was shaking and was on the verge of sobbing.

"Neil..." Connors voice cracked and Neil finally fell apart. He sobbed heavily and his left hand was bunched into a fist.

"NO!" He shouted. "It's not fair!" He cried. Connor bent over the bed and held Neil the best he could. "It's not fair!" Neil sobbed.

"I know, it's not." Connor said. Neil cried into his chest for a long time, just repeating the three simple words, that had been the base for his entire life.

The world was not fair.

~~~~~~~~~~~

After almost an hour of crying, Neil had finally fallen asleep. Connor worried about him and didn't leave his side for a minute. After only forty five minutes of sleeping, Neil woke up.

"Hey." Connor gave a weak smile. Neil didn't answer him. He only stared at the spot where his arm used to be. "It's going to be okay, Neil. I promise." He said.

"Is my dad here?" He asked.

"No...I didn't know how to get a hold of him...I ran by your house and he wasn't there." Connor said.

"He's in Florida...On a business trip." Neil said, his voice flat.

"Do you have his cellphone number? I can call him." Connor said.

"No...I don't want to interrupt him...It can wait until he gets back." Neil said.

"Neil...He should be here with you...You need someone to be here for you." Connor said, worried.

"I have you...Don't I?" Neil finally looked at him, almost begging him not to leave.

"Yeah, you do. I love you, Neil. I don't know how you feel about Dalton, now. But I just need to say it, okay? I thought you died...I thought you left me and I can't handle that, okay? I just need you to know that I love you and that I'll always be here. For whatever you need, understand?" Connor said. Neil nodded. The room went silent, but it wasn't the heartbreaking silence that filled the room two hours ago. It was a warm silence. There was a knock on the door and they both turned to see the doctor standing there.

"Hey, how are we feeling?" The doctor asked. Neil didn't answer him. "I just thought I would come in and tell you what's going on. I know you're probably wondering how you're doing." He said, and Neil nodded.

"I'll go..." Connor stood up.

"You said you would be here for me when I need you." Neil held onto his hand, keeping him there. "I need you." He whispered the last part. Connor smiled weakly and sat down.

"I'm going to tell you right now, that you're actually really lucky. I know it's hard to see it that way now, but you should have come out of that crash much worse than you did. In reality, you really shouldn't have survived that crash at all. It's really a miracle." The doctor smiled. Connor squeezed Neils hand.

"However, that's not to say that you're out of the woods. Obviously the worst of it is your arm. We didn't have any choice other than to amputate. Because we couldn't save any of the tissue below the elbow, that's going to make it very complicated to put on a prosthetic." The doctor said.

"But a lot of people live with missing limbs and no prosthetic." The doctor attempted a smile. 'They're really expensive, anyways." Neil finally gave a weak smile. "You have a pretty bad concussion, but that should get better soon. We'll have to keep waking you up every hour or so. To make sure you don't slip into a coma." The doctor said, looking at the clipboard he held in his hand. 

"You have some pretty bad whiplash, and we didn't want you to hurt your neck when you first woke up, that's why the neck brace is there. You don't need it as long as you try to stay still and not turn your head to much." The doctor said. Neil agreed and the doctor took off the brace right away. Neil rubbed his neck and moved it slightly from side to side.

"You're back is the worst, next to your arm. It's a miracle the spinal cord wasn't severed. After being carried and driven to the hospital and then carried inside again, plus the CPR we had to do to keep you alive...Like I said, Miracle." The doctor laughed. "It's badly damaged and we had to put in a few bits of metal to keep you together, but you'll be able to walk which is a blessing in that of itself." He said. "Your ankle is sprained and you had a lot of glass shards scattered all up in you, but we managed to get all of them out. Overall, it's not as bad as it seems right now, I know I keep saying that. But you really are lucky." The doctor smiled sadly.

"Thank you." Neil said, and it seemed he was maybe starting to believe it, once the doctor told him how bad it should have been. 

"Do you have any questions I can answer?" The doctor asked.

"Will..." Neil stopped, the doctor smiled and nodded for him to ask away. "Will I be able to play the violin, again?" Neil asked. The doctors face fell.

"Well...I...I don't think so, I'm sorry. But that doesn't mean you don't need to try. I've had people in cases like yours prove me wrong all the time. One of my patients a few years back lost an arm and a leg, went on to be a champion skier. Fuck I can't ski with all of my limbs!" The doctor laughed. Connor decided he liked him. It was obvious the man cared about his patients and tried to make a connect with all of them. "If you need anything else, don't be afraid to page the nurse, just ask for me and I'll be here ASAP. Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm Doctor Stein, by the way."

"Doctor Stein?" Connor smiled.

"Yeah, You can call me Frank." He smiled.

"Wait...Your name is really Frank Stein?" Neil was smiling, Connor was glad he still had a sense of humor. He was worried Neil wouldn't be the same person he was.

"Yep, thank god my middle name doesn't start with an N." He made a face and left the room.

"He's nice.." Connor said.

"Yeah..." Neil mumbled. "I'm really tired...Can I go to sleep?" Neil asked.

"Yeah, I'll be right here when you wake up." Connor smiled.

"Promise?" Neil asked, already drifting off.

"Promise." Connor smiled and rubbed the back of Neils hand with his thumb.

"Wont you be bored?" Neil asked, almost completely asleep.

"I brought a book." He shrugged. Neil smiled and fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Neil had to be woken up every few hours and it was obviously pissing him off. He had already lost an arm and now he couldn't even get a decent nap. Everytime he woke up, he ended up just staring at where his arm used to be sadly. Connor wanted to do something to help, but there was nothing he could do.

"Fuck this, why even bother sleeping?" Neil mumbled, after being woken up for the sixth time that day. Connor chuckled.

"I'm sorry." Connor apologized.

"You could make it up to me by getting me some more ice chips." He mumbled.

"Sure." Connor stood up and walked out of the room. He was on his way to find Wendy when he saw Dalton at the front desk talking to her. "What are you doing here? I told you to leave him alone." Connor said, angry.

"I just want to talk to him. Can I see him, please?" Dalton asked. As much as Connor wanted to say no, he knew he should at least ask Neil what he wanted.

"Wait here." He said, and took the cup of ice back to Neil. Neil ate a spoonful before Connor could get a word out. "Daltons here...He wants to see you." Connor said. Neil froze and looked down at his blankets. "If you don't want to see him, thats fine. I can tell him to get lost." Connor said. "I just wanted to know what you wanted..." He blushed a little.

"I...I think I want to see him." Neil mumbled. Connor nodded. He only now realized how truly tired Neil looked.The shadows under his eyes had gotten deeper and his skin was almost as white as snow. The nurses had finally washed all of the blood from his hair, but it was still a mess. His lips looked chapped and it was obvious he really did want to get some sleep. Not just the hour long cat naps the nurses allowed him. Connor turned and left the room. He was unhappy with Neils choice, but also respected the fact that Neil was able to make his own choices, even in the state he was in.

"Fine. But you touch him at all and I'll throw you out of there in a heartbeat." Connor threatened. Dalton nodded and followed Connor into the room. Connor opened the door and crossed his arms over his chest. Dalton stepped inside and froze when he saw Neil, looking so small in the bed.

"Neil...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen." Dalton said, tears beginning to fall down his face.

"I know..." Neil said, voice raspy as usual.

"I can't believe all of this happened. I hardly even remember last night. I didn't mean for you to lose your arm, Neil. I was just jealous I just...Jesus I can't believe this is happening." Dalton cried. Neil was looking away, at the wall. He was crying silently and looked up at Connor and Dalton finally.

"I'm not ready for this...I'm sorry can you just..." His voice cracked and he sobbed quietly. Connor pushed Dalton out of the room and shut the door. He walked over to Neil and held his hand.

"I'm sorry." Connor apologized, though he had nothing to be sorry for.

"I just...Why did this have to happen to me? I knew the world was shit before...but I never knew it could get this bad." Neil said, still crying.

"I don't know..." Connor said truthfully.

"What am I going to do? What kind of job am I going to do with one fucking arm?" Neil asked, holding up his missing limb.

"Don't worry about that right now. You just need to focus on getting better." Connor said. "They have physical therapy and stuff like that, right? That could help you. And Dr. Stein only said that it would be really hard to get you a prosthetic. Not impossible. Your family has money, everything will work out, Neil." Connor said.

"That's easy for you to say." Neil wiped his face with his only hand. "You still have all of your extremities." He said, and for some reason he found this funny. He laughed and soon Connor was pulled into his fit of laughter, and they were both laughing until the tears that fell down Neils face weren't ones of worry, regret, pain, or suffering. He was crying because he knew he wasn't alone.

~~~~~~~~~

Connor had told Neil he needed to focus on getting better. His back was too bad to be able for him to leave the bed and go to physical therapy, but that didn't mean that the therapist couldn't come to him. Within the first few days of him waking up, he asked Dr.Stein when he could start therapy.

"You want to start your physical therapy now? That was fast. Most patients don't want to start at all." Dr.Stein said.

"I don't want to just sit here being useless. All my life I've worked with what I've got and things have turned out alright." Neil said. "I know things are different now, and they probably won't be the same...But sitting here and being depressed about it isn't going to help anything." Neil said, a determined look on his face. It had been only four days since he had tried to talk to Dalton, and they hadn't spoken since. But Connor was glad that Neil was handling this well. Better than he thought he would handle it at least. Neil looked small, and thin, and helpless, but he was strong enough to survive the camps that they kept him in, and he was strong enough to survive this.

"Well, it's going to be at least a month before I want you to get out of bed. Your spine needs time to heal, if you try and work it too hard now you will only cause more damage." Dr.Stein said.

"But isn't there something else I could do? I feel so useless just sitting here." Neil said, looking around the hospital room.

"Well, I can schedule you some appointments with the physical therapist who will help you with your arm. Since you lost your right arm, I assume you're right handed, you'll have to learn how to write with your left. Also, you'll need to build up the strength in that arm. Most people don't realize it, but your primary hand is stronger than your secondary." The doctor said.

"I never thought about having to learn how to write again" Neil frowned.

"It's not as hard as most people think. Just stick with it and you'll get better. Just think about how long it took you to learn how to write the first time." The doctor shrugged. Neil nodded.




A Pessimists Romance Ch. 04



"When can we start?" Neil asked.

"I can check. If you want I can probably get you a session today." He said.

"I'd like that." Neil smiled a little. Connor hadn't seen him smile much since he woke up. Most of the time he was sleeping or was seriously determined. Connor still wanted to call his dad. As soon as Dr.Stein left, Connor turned to Neil.

"When does your dad get back from Florida?" Connor asked.

"What day is it?" Neil frowned.

"It's Wednesday." Connor checked his phone for the date, even he had lost track of time.

"His flight gets in tonight..." Neil sighed. "I didn't want to deal with him." He rubbed his forehead carefully with his hand, trying to avoid the gash in his head.

"Why not? He's your dad. I thought you would want him to be here." Connor frowned.

"I guess. I mean, we don't really...Connect..anymore. I just...After I got out of the camps we had drifted apart. He see's me as that weird Infected kid living in his house. I feel like that weird Infected kid living in some random guys house." Neil shrugged. "I just don't feel comfortable there...Oh shit! I cant believe I forgot about the animals! They're probably starving to death how could I-" 

"Calm down, I took care of it. When the nurses kick me out I go back to your place and feed all of the little guys." Connor said. Neil sighed.

"Thank you, so much." He rubbed his neck. "I thought I had forgotten about them...Jesus." Neil said, voice shaking. Connor was surprised when he started crying.

"Hey hey hey." he said, stroking Neils hair, trying to get him to calm down. "What's wrong? I told you I took care of them. They're fine and just waiting for you to go home." Connor smiled sadly. He sometimes forgot about all the stress that was on Neil now and how he seemed to be dealing with it on the outside, he was probably crushed on the inside.

"Sorry. I just...There's so much going on. I have to worry about everything." He said, sadly.

"I know...Neil, maybe you should talk to somebody. We can ask Dr.Stein about a good therapist. You've been through a lot the past few years. Have you ever seen somebody about it?" Connor asked. Neil shook his head.

"I was always too embarrassed." Neil admitted.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's your life, Neil. You should take care of it." Connor kissed his forehead gently.

"Do you think Dr.Stein would know someone I could talk to?" Neil asked quietly.

"I'll ask him, okay?" Connor smiled. Neil nodded. "I'll also get a hold of your dad once his flight comes in. He should know what's going on, Neil." Connor said.

"I know..." He mumbled.

~~~~~~~~~

Neils dad had rushed to the hospital and ran frantically to his room, but when he got there, the silence was awkward and he shifted from foot to foot awkwardly.

"Are you okay?" he asked awkwardly.

"Yeah." Neil shrugged. And that was the end of the conversation. His dad excused himself to to go the cafeteria and Neil watched him leave.

"Wow, you weren't kidding." Connor laughed and sat down.

"Yeah...I really don't want to go back home with him, but now really isn't' the time to move you, you know?" He held up his amputated arm.

"Well, you could always move in with me." Connor said.

"What? Really?" He was shocked.

"Yeah, my parents won't mind, and my brothers are nice. They're just a little...Yeah...But they're nice." Connor said.

"I couldn't just invite myself in." Neil shook his head.

"You're not. I'm inviting you. If it makes you feel better, I'll ask everybody first. Okay?" Connor asked.

"Okay." Neil nodded, convinced his parents would never agree to it.

~~~~~~~

"Mom, He's kind of tired I don't think he'll-"

"Hi! I'm Connors mom, but you can call me Becky!" A large woman with bright red hair stepped into the room, surprising Neil. Neil raised an eyebrow and looked at Connor, who shrugged helplessly. "We just wanted to stop by and tell you that of course you're welcome into our home!" She smiled brightly.

"W-we?" Neil sputtered, still in shock from the loud woman barging into his normally quiet room. With the word spoken, three very large men stepped into the room. It was obvious that Connor was the youngest, most of them were probably in their mid to late twenties.

"Hey, Neil! Connors told us a lot about you. You can have Big Bens room. He's moving out anyways!" One of the men said.

"Uh..." 

"Guys, would you leave him alone, Jesus. I'm sorry Neil. I just asked and they insisted they all come down here to introduce themselves. We can go if you're too tired." Connor said.

"Uh..."

"Hi Neil! I'm Connors father, Mark." The man held out a hand and Neil hesitated. He blushed and held out his left hand. "Uh, Sorry." He was large man but the deep blush in his cheeks and the warm smile he gave showed that he wasn't some big guy with a tough guy complex.

"It's okay..." Neil smiled at little and shook his hand with his left. It felt weird but he supposed he would have to get used to it.

"Connor told us what happened, we're so sorry. Are you okay?" His mother put a hand on his shoulder and pouted her lip as if she was talking to one of her own children after he had fallen off a bike.

"Yeah. I'm okay." Neil smiled weakly, still overwhelmed by the very tall people that filled his room. Connor was the shortest and was already standing at five foot eleven inches. Neil felt incredibly short, at his own five foot six. 

"You're completely welcome in our home, in fact, we already cleaned up the room for you and got you a nice bed. You have a good sized closet so you'll have lots of room to put your things!" Connors mother crooned. 

"Really, you guys. It's okay. You don't have to do this..." Neil was a little shocked at how warm Connors family was. He had never really had a family like this. He supposed it was like this before his mom died, but that was so long ago it was pointless to try to remember.

"Nonsense! You're a sweet boy and it's obvious Connor cares about you. We're honored to have you in our home." Connors father boomed. 

"We'll get out of your hair, dear. Oh, but here we brought you some good home cooked food. None of this hospital crap." His mother cursed. Neil blushed at the mention of Connors feelings for him. But accepted the food gratefully.

"Thank you... It smells fantastic." He smiled.

"It is!" One of Connors brothers smiled widely. Neil recognized him as the one he had met when they were looking for Connors backpack.

"Alright, good bye guys!" Connor practically had to force them out the door, but soon it was shut and the room was quiet again. They stared at each other a second.

"What the fuck just happened?" Neil asked.

"I'm so sorry, they can get like that. They're just really loud." Connor chuckled awkwardly.

"Is it like that all the time in your house?" Neil smiled and began trying to unwrap the food.

"Yeah kind of. You get used to it though. It's better when they're not in a closed space together." He sat down next to Neil and finally helped him unwrap it.

"Sorry." Neil muttered, after struggling with the wrapped food.

"You'll get the hang of it." Connor smiled, confident. "Speaking of which, you have your first physical therapy today, right?" He asked.

"Yeah. In about five minutes." he said.

"Do you want me here?" Connor asked.

"Yes please." Neil blushed.

"Okay." Connor held his hand. "There is one more thing I should ask though..." Connor said.

"What?" Neil frowned.

"Don't get mad." Connor warned, and Neil just turned his head like a confused puppy. "What are you going to do about Dalton? I haven't told you, but he comes by like four times a day asking to see you. You can't avoid him forever." Connor said. Neil sighed.

"I don't know. To be honest...I'm really scared to face him. All I see when I look at him is that jealous look on his face when he was driving..." Neil covered his eyes with his hand.

"You don't have to talk to him, I was just asking." Connor stroked his hair.

"Are we...Are we together now?" Neil asked.

"No." Connor said, without hesitation. Neil looked shocked.

"No?" He said.

"No." Connor repeated. "You're going through a lot right now, and I don't think you need to worry about a relationship on top of that. When you get better, we can see where it goes if you want. But right now...I think you should just take a break and focus on getting better." Connor said.

"So you...You're not...You don't..." Neil bit his lip.

"What?" Connor asked, turning his head this time.

"You aren't bothered that I only have one arm?" Neil asked. Rubbing his shoulder nervously with the only arm he had left.

"Of course not. Just because I don't think we should be together now, doesn't mean I'm not interested. I still like you Neil. Which is why I don't want to be with you right now. I want you to focus on getting better is all." Connor said, before smiling. "I'll make you a promise. When you come to terms with what happened to you, I'll take you out on our first REAL first date." Connor smiled.

"I've already come to terms with it." Neil frowned.

"No you haven't." Connor shook his head. Neil sighed.

"Fine. Okay." Neil pouted.

"Then you better get to work. You need to get better for me." Connor winked, and Neil smiled weakly.

"Okay." He agreed.

~~~~~~~~~

After a month of being in bed and only doing small physical therapy for his left hand, he was finally able to get up and walk again. There was almost no spinal cord damage to his back and he only had a little trouble getting up and walking again. Connor walked slowly with him, prepared to catch him if he fell. But Neil continued to move along slowly. After a while, he was tired and crawled back into bed.

"Man, I can't believe I'm tired after only walking around a little." Neil said.

"It's been awhile since you have, it's expected that you'll be tired the first few times. You have to remember that your body is still healing." Dr.Stein said.

"Yeah...So when do I get out of here?" Neil asked. After a month in the hospital he was done. The walls were starting to drive him crazy.

"Well, I really would like to keep you here for awhile longer..." Dr.Stein frowned.

"Come on, Doc. I'm sick of this place." Neil moaned. "It can't be healthy to keep me locked up in here." Neil pouted.

"I know I know, but look on the bright side. It will be good for you to walk around and escape this room for a bit everyday. You'll live." The doctor smiled. Neil groaned.

"Suck it up." Connor laughed.

"Don't tell me you're not sick of this place already." Neil said, annoyed.

"Okay, you got me. If I have to look at these walls one more time I'm going to flip." Connor chuckled.

"See!" Neil pointed at Connor, begging the Doctor to release him.

"Sorry. I have spoken!" He shouted dramatically, and walked out of the room chuckling to himself.

"Damn you." Neil growled to no one in particular.

~~~~~~~~~~~

"Come on, Neil. Just eat the god damn soup." Connor begged. He had been sitting with Neil for as long as he could, but he had a job interview to get to. He sat there, in his fancy clothes, trying to get Neil to eat something, anything. Neil had lost his appetite awhile ago and it was a chore to get him to eat anything. Dr.Stein and Neils therapist both agreed that it was because he was still in shock from losing his right arm. They said he would get over it, but it wasn't looking promising.

"I'm not hungry." Neil said, for the thousandth time.

"Neil, please. You haven't eaten a single thing all day. How are you supposed to heal up if you don't eat anything? You're only hurting yourself right now, Neil." Connor said, trying again to get him to eat the spoonful of soup.

"I don't need your help!" Neil shouted, slapping the bowl of soup from Connors hand, spilling it all over his black pants and white shirt.

"Fuck! God damn it Neil!" Connor cursed. He stood up and stepped into the bathroom of Neils hospital room. He picked up a rag that was folded neatly on the counter and began scrubbing at his shirt with cold water. He looked at Neil in the mirror and saw him turning away from him, staring angrily at the wall.

"I have a fucking job interview. How the hell am I supposed to explain why I look like I just walked in out from under a fucking bridge." Connor snapped. 

"Tell them you were at a hospital volunteering to help some poor cripple." Neil said bitterly. Connor stopped scrubbing for a second and just stared at the back of Neils head, through the mirror.

"I'm sorry, Neil. I shouldn't have gotten angry. I knew you would have a hard time coping with this." Connor took a deep breath. "You're not 'some poor cripple', Neil." He turned around to face Neil, who still refused to look at him. "It's okay to accept a little help sometimes. It won't be forever." Connor said.

"But for now, you need help." he sat down next to Neil, making him look at him.

"I don't want your help. Or your pity." Neil whispered.

"I don't pity you, Neil." Connor stood up. "I respect you." he said, and picked up his jacket. "I'm going to be late." He walked out of the room.

Neil stared at the doorway a second longer, before picking up the half empty bowl of soup and eating it.

~~~~~~~~

Neil stood in a room with several other physical therapy patients. His therapist had advised him to try painting to get out his frustrations. Every day he was becoming more and more angry, at everybody and everything. Waking up was a chore for him, he didn't want to talk to his doctor, or his therapist, or even Connor most of the time. 

But his therapist had been right, the class really helped him. The brush strokes he made were smooth, and helped him practice keeping control of his left hand, which was often shaky and unsure.

He was actually a decent painter, too. It calmed him down and honestly there really was no downside to it.

"Wow, that's really good, Neil." Connor said. Neil snapped out of his trance and realized the group had ended and most of them had left. Connor had found him and had watched him for awhile before interrupting.

"Oh, thanks." Neil mumbled. He finally looked at what he had painted and most of it was dark. A few specks of light filtered through the reds and the black of the painting. "It looks familiar." Neil mumbled.

"It's the car crash." Connor said.

"Huh?" Neil frowned, tilting his head to try and see what Connor was seeing.

"Look. That's the windshield." Connor pointed to a squarish shape of dark with several jagged pieces of white scattered in and around it."There was a lamp post here." Connor pointed to a tall piece of silver with a yellow white color on top of it. "The red around the edges must have been blood, this is all from your eyes." Connor said. "...And thats-"

"You." Neil said quietly, as if he now saw the picture he had been painting. A single point in all the dark reds and blacks. It was brighter than the glass of the broken windshield, and the light, the shine of the wheels, or the blood around his vision. It was a single piece of light that somehow felt like home. 

"Me..." Connor agreed. Neil looked at Connor and then back at the painting.

Connor did feel like home.

~~~~~~~~

"Daaaamn." Connor smiled. "Look at you go!" He found Neil in the hospitals therapy gym. It was a medium sized room with various pieces of gym equipment in it. A few people speckled the room, but for the most part it was empty. Neil was completely shirtless and only had on a pair of shorts and some tennis shoes. He sat in the middle of the room, doing push ups. It had been over a month now since he was allowed out of bed, and right away he started trying to get used to using his left arm. When he wasn't working out, he was practicing his penmanship with his left hand, which was still kind of iffy. 

"You got some moves, stud." Connor laughed.

"Thanks." Neil was panting lightly, he had counted off twenty push ups before he stopped and talked to Connor.

"Have you talked to Dr.Stein yet? To see if you can leave?" Connor asked. They had been talking about it for awhile now, and Neil thought he was ready to leave the safety of the hospital, and go outside again. The thought scared him, but he knew it was something he had to do. He still hadn't spoken with Dalton, or gone back to school at all. Connor had been his only visitor. Him, and his family of course.

"No, I haven't seen him today. I'll finish up here and then find him. Hey, do me a favor?" Neil asked, wiping the sweat off his forehead with a towel.

"Sure, what?" Connor asked.

"Lets see who can do more pushups." Neil smiled. Connor frowned.

"Neil, that's not going to go well. I don't want to hurt your feelings." Connor said.

"So you think you'll win?" Neil asked.

"Have you seen this body?" Connor pointed down at his own body, Neil rolled his eyes. "I-i-i- I work out." Conor began singing LMFAO's 'I'm sexy and I know it'

"Alright then, sexy. Lets see it." Neil said. Connor rolled his eyes.

"Remember that you asked for this." Connor said. Neil waved for him to continue. Connor dropped down onto the floor and began counting each pushup. Finally, he was forced to stop at forty five. His shirt was damp and he was panting softly.

"Your turn." He sat down and pointed at Neil to go. Neil shrugged and got down. Connor wasn't expecting much, honestly. But was getting worried when Neil hit 30 and wasn't even sweating yet. "Damn. How long were you here before I walked in?" Connor asked. 

"When you walked in, I was at forty. Plus the twenty I did in front of you..." Neil smiled up at him, and Connor sighed. He was surprised when Neil made it to seventy and collapsed in a heap.

"Okay, you win." Connor laughed, still out of breath. Neil smiled and for the first time in a long time, Connor realized it was a real smile. Connor stood up and reached a hand out to help Neil up. Neil took his hand and pulled himself off the floor. "Come on, cripple." Connor laughed. Neil flipped him off with a smile and they wandered off to find Dr.Stein.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Three days later, Neil left the hospital. The first stop was his house to get his stuff and move it to Connors. Neil had a lot of money in a savings account for him, and Connor had gotten the job he wanted. So instead of moving into his families house, they had gotten an apartment for themselves. It was cheap, and kind of small, but it was only the two of them and that's all they needed.

"Neil, I don't mean to press, or bring up anything thats going to make you feel shitty...but..." Connor paused, as they were walking up the steps to Neils house. "What do you want to do from here? After we move in and what not." He asked.

"Like, for school?" Neil asked.

"Yeah." Connor nodded. The house was empty and they gathered up what little he had quickly and packed it into Connor's car.

"Well...I was actually thinking of going to art school...What do you think?" Neil asked.

"Well..." 

"It's a stupid idea, never mind." Neil shook his head. 

"It's not stupid. It's something you're good at and it makes you happy. So I'm all for it." Connor smiled.

"Really?" Neil asked, getting hopeful.

"Yeah. I think you could be the next Van Gogh!" Connor smiled.

"Van Gogh killed himself." Neil laughed.

"Oh shit...well then be the next Rembrandt."

"Uh..."

"Frida Khalo."

"A woman...and I'm pretty sure she also killed herself."

"What the fuck. What artist didn't kill themself?"

"I think Da vinci didn't off himself." Neil shrugged.

"Then be him. Now go up and pack your clothes. I'll grab some DvDs." Connor laughed. Neil smiled and jogged upstairs

Connor began rummaging through the DvDs, packing them into a box. Neil had said all the movies were his, his father didn't have time for movies. But Connor wanted to see what they were getting anyways. In the back of the cupboard under the T.V. he found an unmarked DVD in a plain case. He wrinkled his eyebrows and put the disc in the DvD player. He sat down and waited for it to start.




A Pessimists Romance Ch. 04



He was surprised when a home made video came up of Neil. He stood in front of a small school band with a violin in his hands. The conductor said something and Connor turned the sound up. 

"...Junior high school band." The man said, and stood up on his conducting stand. The audience clapped and then everything went silent as they prepared to start. Neil rested the bow on the strings and the conductor motioned for him to start playing. It was obvious he was far more talented than anyone else his age. For the first minute or two of the song he had a solo of smooth middle eastern music that made the audience completely silent. Connor watched, transfixed on the slender form of Jr. High School Neil playing his Violin.

"It's Samvel Yervinyans' Persian Night." Neil said behind him. He held a box of clothes against his side.

"Sorry, I just didn't know what movie it was so I just put it in for a second." Connor moved to turn it off as soon as he could.

"No.." Neil said, stopping him. He set the box down and moved over to the couch, sitting down. "Don't turn it off." He whispered. Connor put down the remote and they watched, as the rest of the orchestra behind him came in. The music sped up and built quickly until Neil's hands were moving so fast Connor could hardly see them. His bow ran across the strings and the fingers on his left hand flew across the neck of the Violin as the music got more and more hectic, until it was obvious the school orchestra was having a really hard time keeping up with him. He was talented well beyond his years.

"You... are amazing." Connor said, shocked.

"Was...I was amazing." Neil said, and stood up. "I can be amazing at something else now. Come on, after we're done here I want to stop at that arts and crafts store downtown and pick up some painting supplies." Neil said, and picked up the box again. Connor turned off the home video and watched Neil walk away.

~~~~~~~~~



A Pessimists Romance Ch. 05



They had been living together for over a month now, and Connor finally began seeing Neil brighten up. He painted all day, everyday. As soon as he had gotten out of the hospital, he had applied to an art school.

"Don't you think it's a little soon?" Connor asked.

"We're not really having this discussion again, are we?" Neil frowned.

"I just think that you should give yourself some time. Maybe take an art class," Connor suggested.

"Am I not good enough?" Neil asked, knowing full well that that wasn't what Connor meant.

"I don't mean it like that! I just mean that you're new to the whole artist thing, aren't you? Give it some time. What if you don't like it?" Connor asked.

"Then I'll drop out," Neil shrugged.

"You say it like it's so easy," Connor frowned.

"Because it is," Neil smiled bitterly.

"Come on, Neil. I think you're moving too fast for your own good. Why do you want to go so fast?" Connor asked, as Neil shuffled through the mail quickly, looking for his letter.

"Is it so bad that I want to move on with my life? I don't want to be 'that guy who got in a car accident and lost his arm'. Maybe I want to be somebody else," Neil said, throwing the mail down on the table. "I'm done with this conversation." Neil began retreating to his room.

"You mean you don't want to face Dalton," Connor crossed his arms. Neil stopped in his doorway, his hand on the frame. "I hear you at night, Neil. I know you're having nightmares. Just talk to me about it. Maybe... maybe even talk to Dalton."

"No." 

"As much as I hate his guts, I think it's what you need right now. You have to face this." Connor chased after him, into his bedroom.

"Leave me alone."

"No, I won't just abandon you. I want to help you, Neil. I want you to get better. I think you're doing great, but you're hiding from your problem. You're acting like nothing happened, you're just pretending like you changed your mind about what you wanted to do with your life. You were in a car accident, Neil. You lost an arm. Everything changed. Your boyfriend is now the bad guy. You're scared, and you won't admit it!" Connor shouted, knowing he was probably going to far.

"You think I don't know that? You think I don't get dressed in the morning and realize I'm missing a limb? You think I don't miss Dalton so bad it hurts, but I also hate him just as much? Well I do. I stay up at night and think about what happened. I wake up in the morning and try to fix everything that happened, but I can't. I just can't!" Neil shouted. The silence was deafening. They stared at each other in silence and Neil finally turned, and shut the door behind him. Connor sighed. He walked up to the door and put his head against it.

"Neil...?" he called out softly. "Neil, I'm sorry," he said a little louder. There was no answer. "Neil, come on. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I know how much you're going through and I wish I could help. I wish I could fix it," he said. "I wish I could take your pain away..." he whispered to himself. When there was no answer, he sighed and went to his own room.

~~~~~~~~~

Connor was fixing dinner later that day, and still hadn't heard a word from Neil. Not a peep. He kept checking the door, listening for any sign of movement in the room. He was beginning to worry when he told Neil dinner was ready, and there was no answer. He fought with himself for a moment. If he just barged in, it wouldn't be fair to Neil. That was his space, he couldn't break that. But on the other hand, what if Neil was really hurting? What if he was just sitting in the corner and crying? Finally, Connor sighed and went to eat dinner alone. 

He was about halfway through his meal when he heard a loud thump from Neil's room. He looked up and listened for a second. 

"Neil?" he called out, but there was no answer. "Privacy broken," he mumbled to himself, and stood up. He ran to the door and knocked loudly. "Neil? I'm coming in if you don't answer me," he said. There was no answer. Finally he reached for the door knob, and scowled when he found it locked. Without a second's hesitation, he slammed his shoulder into the door. "Ow..." he winced, holding his shoulder. He stepped back and kicked it. Once, twice, three times and the door caved in.

"Neil?" he called out, looking around the dark room. A chair was knocked over, the legs pointing into the closet. He stepped towards the closet. "Neil!" Connor shouted. Neil hung from the bar of the walk in closet, that would normally be used to hang clothes. His toes dangled just inches above the ground. Connor rushed to help him and noticed just in time that his body surged with electricity. He paused before throwing his own well being out the window. He grabbed Neil's waist and lifted him up as best he could, allowing him to take in some air. He screamed in pain as the current flowed through his own body. He let go of Neil, hanging him again after only the short breath of air. He stepped back, cursing. He tried to steady his shaking body and reached for Neil again, using all his strength to lift him up high enough that the noose slipped over his head. They both fell to the floor. Connor groaned in pain, looking down at the electrical burns on his arms. Blisters were already forming on the once smooth skin. Neil coughed and choked, gagging as he tried to take in as much air as he could, his body forcing him to breath.

"I'm sorry..." Neil choked. Eventually the heaving gasps for air turned into sobbing coughs. "I'm sorry," Neil repeated. Connor grabbed him, ignoring the pain in his arms. He hugged him close to his chest, tucking his head under his chin. 

"Don't you EVER scare me like that again, understand?" Connor said. Neil nodded through his tears, trying to wiggle even closer to Connor for the comfort he provided. Connor let his own tears fall and they sat in the closet, crying, for an hour until both of them fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~

Connor awoke with Neil still tucked under his chin, his arms wrapped around Neil's smaller chest. Neil's hand had threaded its way up and was holding onto Connor's right shoulder. Their legs had tangled together during the night, and Neil was drooling on his chest. He groaned and stretched.

"Neil, wake up," Connor shook him gently. Neil mumbled something incoherently, before snuggling deeper into Connor's chest. Connor sighed. He began unwrapped his arms from around Neil, and screamed. Neil finally jumped awake to see Connor gritting his teeth in agony.

"What? What? Jesus, your arms!" Neil shouted, grabbing Connor's arms without thinking about it, Connor cried out again. "Sorry!" Neil apologized, holding his arms more gently. "J-just stay here, let me get the first aid kit," he said, stumbling off to the bathroom. He came back a few seconds later, the red and white kit in hand. He opened the box and pulled out some disinfectant. 

"...This is going to hurt," he warned. Connor nodded and Neil treated his arms carefully, Connor kicking his legs in pain as Neil bandaged his burns. "We should probably get you to a hospital..." Neil said.

"Forget about me, for a second. How could you try something like that, Neil? You scared me to death!" Connor said.

"I'm sorry... things just seem so hopeless... I... I'm sorry," Neil finally collapsed. He fell against Connor's chest and rested his head there. His voice was raspy and pained. He winced when he swallowed.

"Are you okay? Your throat looks horrible. Come on, we're going to the hospital," Connor stood up, pulling Neil up with his single arm.

"I don't want to. I'm tired of the hospital," Neil pouted, like an upset child.

"Well then, maybe you shouldn't have tried that stupid stunt," Connor glared, making Neil bow his head in shame.

"I'm sorry," he said again. Connor sighed and hugged him tight.

"I know you are, you're never going to try anything like that again, though. Right?" Connor asked. Neil nodded.

"Never. It was a stupid thing to do. I'm sorry. I need to face this. I don't want to die," Neil said. 

"Good," he smiled, leading Neil out of the still dark bedroom.

"I was fighting for a long time to keep this life. I was stupid to try to just throw it away," Neil frowned.

"There's no denying that," Connor mumbled. Neil smiling up at him sadly.

"I'm sorry I burned your arms," he said.

"It's okay, your body was just having a minor freak out." He looked down at his arms. "Lets just get to the hospital, and get back home."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Neil sighed as he opened the door to his room. He was glad to be home, but he didn't want to be in his room alone. He heard Connor turn the light off in his room across the hall, as he prepared for bed. Neil sat on his own bed, and stripped his shirt off. It had been a long day. He fell back onto the pillows and curled up, falling asleep instantly.

But he didn't sleep easily. He had dreams of the wreck, and of his suicide attempt. He felt the rope digging into his neck, and Connor's hands around his waist, trying to push him up and out of the noose. He heard the glass shatter and watched Dalton fly through the window, followed by himself a second later. He heard screeching tires, and Connor crying out as he found him hanging from the ceiling. Connor's screams and his own mixed into one as he sat upright in bed.

"Shhh, I'm right here," he heard a whisper in the dark and felt hands wrap around his shoulders. "You're okay, Neil," Connor said. "It's me. It's Connor. I'm right here," he reassured him. Neil was panting heavily and leaned into Connor's chest, sobbing hard. He held onto Connor for dear life, feeling like if he didn't he would just slip away into nothingness. Connor was his anchor when it felt like all he had been doing for the past few months was crying. His tears stopped and he thought for a moment that he had just run out of them. No amount of crying changed his situation, or even lessened the pain. He went silent and only held onto Connor, who held him back. He kept his eyes shut and thought about his situation. Nothing he had done had helped. Therapy hadn't helped, suicide hadn't helped, crying hadn't helped. He didn't know what else to try. Then it occurred to him that there was only one thing left that he could do. 

"I want to talk to Dalton," he whispered.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Connor set a cup of coffee down in front of Neil as they sat at the kitchen table. It was two a.m. and after Neil told Connor he was ready to face Dalton, Connor hadn't hesitated to call him. Dalton sounded annoyed and surprised to hear Connor on the other end of the phone at one a.m., but had agreed to come over. He was glad Neil wanted to talk to him. Connor had made a pot of coffee and was struggling to stay awake for Neil's sake. He knew the smaller man needed him now more than ever. Every day it seemed like a bigger and bigger piece of Neil's sanity chipped away. He looked at Neil. He looked like hell and death had reproduced and the offspring was Neil.

His skin was ghostly white, to the point where Connor would have believed in a second that he was wearing make up. Dark gray circles rimmed his eyes, making him look like a tired cartoon character. Wrinkles had spread out across his face, making him look twenty years older than he was. He shook every few seconds. Whether it was from lack of sleep, cold, or the shock of what had happened to his life, was unknown. He hardly blinked, and when he did it was slow and hard. As if he was trying to get his eyes to adjust to a strange bright light, though the room was dark. A purple red line wrapped around his neck, raw from the rope burn. Connor wanted nothing more than to scoop Neil up and sing him to sleep like a child. He looked exhausted, and Connor knew if this meeting went bad, Neil would probably never recover.

They heard a car pull up and Connor watched Neil swallow hard, looking at the front door. A second later there was a knock.

"I'll get it," Connor said, putting a hand on Neil's. He stood up and opened the door. He greeted Dalton as best as he could, trying to keep the anger from his voice. He still hated the sight of his face, wanting to punch the man at even the slightest noise from his large mouth.

"Hey," Dalton said, biting his lip nervously. 

"Hey," Connor said, trying to keep the fury out of his voice. Dalton stepped in and looked around. Connor lead him into the kitchen, where Neil still sat. He noticed Dalton stare at the spot where his right arm should be. Neil looked down and swallowed, taking a deep breath.

"Hi," Dalton whispered.

"Hey," Neil said.

"Coffee?" Connor asked Dalton, trying to break the awkward silence.

"Sure." He accepted a cup and sat down, across from Neil. Connor sat down to his left, placing a reassuring hand on his knee. 

"Dalton, I-"

"Wait, please Neil. Just let me say something?" he asked, frowning. Neil closed his mouth and nodded. "I'm so sorry for what I did to you. You can't understand how guilty I feel. I can't even sleep at night because I think about what you're going to go through for the rest of your life. I was an idiot, and all of this is completely my fault. I'm a horrible, awful person and I don't think I can ever forgive myself for what happened. I've hurt you so much, and you were nothing but nice to me. I'll do whatever you want, forever. I don't care what it is," Dalton said. "I can't ask for your forgiveness, or your pity. I just want you to know that I'm sorry," he sobbed. "I'm so so sorry." His lip quivered and his tears fell onto the table. 

"I know." Neil said. "I wish I could say I forgave you, or that it's not your fault. I wish I could even pity you. But I just can't. I look at you and all I see is...is broken glass. Just shards of glass that have shredded my life into ruins. My dreams were crushed, and I felt like I had nothing left to live for. Like I couldn't do anything. I don't want you to suffer, Dalton. That's not what I want," Neil said. "I just want you to know, that nothing can ever fix what you did. My life can't ever be the same, and neither can yours," Neil said.

"I know," Dalton nodded.

"I'm not mad at you. I don't feel sorry for you. I don't know what I feel towards you. It's not resentment, or hatred, or pity, or anything. There's just...there's nothing there anymore," Neil said. "All I've been doing for months is crying. But I'm done. I'm tired of crying and feeling sorry for myself. When I cry about what happened to me, all I'm doing is accepting what you did to me. Even if I can't change what happened, I won't accept it," Neil said, face hard and cold. "I'm not going to just lie down and accept this." He held up the half of his right arm that still existed. "I have a reason to live. That's my choice. I honestly do hope you find yours," Neil said.

"Thank you." Dalton gave a small smile, tears still falling from his face. There was a stunning silence again, but it was no longer awkward. "I think we've said all that can be said," Dalton mumbled. "I should leave." He stood up, Neil and Connor standing too. "Thank you for talking to me Neil. I hope everything goes well for you," he held out his left hand, and Neil shook it. They watched him leave, and waited until they heard his car pull out to breath.

"I'm proud of you," Connor said. "I know I can't understand what either of you are going through. But I hope you know that I am proud of you," Connor took Neil's hand.

"Thank you... I hadn't planned to say any of that. I planned to tell him that I hate him, and I hate my life. And it's his fault. That I have nothing to live for now. But when you two walked into the room, and I saw the hate in your eyes. I realized that I do have something to live for," Neil said. "It's you," he leaned onto Connors chest. "You've been here for me, and you've let me collapse until there was nearly nothing left, before building me back up again and making me breakfast," Neil laughed sadly. "You hated Dalton for me, when I didn't have the strength to. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense. But you're the only thing that has held me together all of this time," Neil said.

"I didn't want you to fall apart on me. After all, I never got that second date," Connor smiled.

"I still owe you that, and more if you'll let me," Neil smiled.

"Yeah, I'll let you," Connor nodded. Neil tilted his head up and kissed Connor softly, who returned the kiss. They made out quietly for a few seconds before Neil put his feet flat on the floor again, looking up at Connor. 

"Can I ask you one more favor?" he asked.

"Anything," Connor nodded.

"I'm so tired. Can I sleep with you, tonight? Just sleep," he asked, worried Connor would say no.

"Of course. Go get your pillows, I'll take care of the coffee cups," He said, kissing Neil tenderly before sending him away. Neil grabbed two pillows and wandered into Connors room. He fell onto the bed and felt Connor scoop him up. He rested his head on the pillow and put his left hand on Connor's chest, feeling the heartbeat under it. They both wore only underwear, but there was nothing sexual about their touch. Neil melted into Connor's embrace and sighed. He felt like he could fall to pieces and be okay with Connor right there to pick him back up again. But he also felt like he didn't need to fall to pieces. He felt so much stronger with Connor next to him.

"You mean everything to me, Connor," Neil said. "I don't want to be without you again," Neil mumbled, knowing what he was saying.

"You won't have to be. I'll always be here for you Neil. As a friend...and as more," Connor said honestly.

"I think we're going to be okay," Neil said.

"I think so, too. Now get some rest. You need it," Connor whispered into his ear. Neil nodded and Connor heard him snore softly in the darkness of their room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Neil didn't sleep alone after that. Connor and he finally sat down and agreed that Neil was ready to try a relationship, specifically with Connor. Connor wasted no time, and asked him out on a date the same day, and of course Neil agreed. They had been dating months, when the letter finally came.

"Neil... mail," Connor called out. Neil ran out of his room, which he rarely slept it, tripping over his own feet. He scrambled up to Connor and pulled the letter from his hands. Connor smiled and sat down as Neil stared at the letter. "Well?" he asked, when Neil just stared at it.

"I... I can't open it." He bit his lip nervously.

"Come on, Neil. I want to know if you were accepted just as much as you do!" Connor said, eagerly.

"Okay okay," he said, and looked at the letter readily. "I can't open it," he said, again.

"Damn it, Neil. Open the letter!" Connor said.

"No, I mean, I really can't open it!" Neil waved the letter around in his single hand.

"Oh, sorry baby." Connor laughed and took the letter from Neil, who hovered over his shoulder. Connor ripped open the letter and unfolded the paper inside. They both read silently before Neil began jumping and shouting in joy. Connor scooped him up into a big hug. He had been accepted into the art college that held the place of his first choice.

"Yes! I can't believe I got in!" Neil said.

"I'm so happy for you, baby. Congratulations." Connor kissed his temple.

"Thank you..." Neil blushed. Connor smiled a wicked smiled.

"How about we celebrate?" he asked, tugging at the waistline of Neil's pants.

"I could do with some celebrating." Neil winked at him. They giggled as Connor pushed Neil back towards the bedroom, throwing him on the bed below him. He pounced on his slender boyfriend, kissing him roughly. Neil moaned and twined his fingers through Connor's hair. He smiled as Connor kissed his neck, leaving his mark there. He stripped Neil quickly and skipped the small cinnamon buds on his chest, going straight towards his hardening cock. 

He sucked the two round orbs into his mouth and Neil squirmed at the delicious heat that Connor's mouth provided. Connor licked and gently nibbled at Neil's balls before moving up to his cock. He sucked the leaking tip into his mouth and savored the taste of Neil's precum. Neil panted under his tongue, his arm thrown above his head. Connor pushed Neil's legs up to his chest and exposed his tiny opening. He smiled and licked at the soft skin of his ass, slowly making the way to his hole. When he finally reached his destination, he began slowly tongue fucking Neil, bringing him to the edge and back more times than he could count. Finally Neil couldn't take it anymore, and begged Connor to fuck him.




A Pessimists Romance Ch. 05



"Please, Connor. I need you," Neil begged.

"I thought you weren't gay?" Connor teased.

"Shut up and fuck me!" Neil shouted, lust coating his words and his eyes. Connor smiled and gave in, lining up his cock with Neil's small hole. Neil relaxed and allowed Connor entrance to his body. Connor moaned at the velvety softness of Neil wrapped around his cock. Neil whimpered with pleasure as Connor picked up the pace, slamming in and out of his tight asshole. Neil moaned loudly as he felt his climax build and build until he exploded all over his chest. Connor felt Neil's channel squeeze his cock tightly and he grunted as he filled Neil with his seed. 

"Ah, God," Conner sighed. He collapsed on top of Neil, letting his legs go free. Neil panted, his breath slowing until it was back to normal. He felt Connor breathing deeply above him, and hoped he hadn't fallen asleep. He stroked Connor's hair with his single hand, happy that he was with Connor now.

"Do you still hate humanity?" Connor asked. Neil stared into the eyes of the man he loved, and thought deeply about the question. Did he hate humanity? Could he? Now that he had found Connor?

"I don't hate you," Neil said honestly.

"I don't hate you, too." Connor smiled, and kissed him passionately. He rolled over, allowing Neil to curl up on his chest, resting his one hand on his pecs. He played delicately with Connor's chest hair. He had answered honestly. He didn't hate Connor. He was the most important person in his life now. Before he only had to worry about himself, but now there was somebody else. All those years he was forced to be alone, and now he wasn't. He still hated humanity. For what they had done to him. For what he had gone through. For what he had done to himself. Connor would forever be the optimist, and Neil would always be a pessimist. But that didn't make their love any less sweet.

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