3 comments/ 28835 views/ 10 favorites A Life Not Spent With You Ch. 01 By: Rinique This story has some non-consent appearing here and there: If you don't like such things, please don't read. Other than that, enjoy! -Rinique A Life Not Spent With You Ch. 01 He heard a loud thud from upstairs and immediately made for the stairs. On the way up to the second level of his house, Marcel wondered if the puppy was trying to drown himself. All hints of amusement, as halfhearted as it was, vanished when he burst through the door after recieving no reply to his knocking. The young man was in the shower stall and lying face-down in a growing pool of water. His body was splayed as best as it could in the small space, and motionless. "Fuck!" All exasperation had left him the second he had laid eyes on the fallen. Forcing his legs to move, he skidded across the floor, nearly falling as he splashed into a large puddle. He was lucky to grab the door handle on his first try, his desperation barely aiding him to keep control of his shaking. Throwing the door open, he fell to his knees, dragging the other out of the shower. Taking care to lay the puppy down onto the flooded marble floor as gently as possibly, Marcel leaned over, somehow keeping anger off his face. Such a weak spirit this one had... Blinking suddenly, with unsure hands, he pressed hard on the younger's chest, and after feeling on intake of breath, began in what he hoped was CPR. A crashing sound echoed around his empty house - a harsh sound of what was surely an attack, judging by the force. "Come in, dammit, the door's open!" Shouting of his shoulder, his gaze snapped back to the still unconcious boy under him, already unsure whether it was two breaths per five seconds, or one breath every five or ten. Under his palms, the other remained still, slick with water and free of any signs of life. Shit! Remembering that he had to give air along with the CPR, he crushed lips with the other, the action far too fast. His knee slipped, and with a growl, Marcel fell onto the younger's body, a grumbling of pain following his sound of frustration. "Nnn!" The nameless suddenly tried to sit up with a great cough, expelling water from his gasping, whimpering mouth. Recieving a face-full, Marcel swore furiously, already trying to steady himself to lift himself up. "You fucking bastard! Get-the-fuck-off-my-lover!!!!" Out of nowhere, a scream sounded, the sound horribly magnified in the bathroom. Nearly able to rise on all fours without sliding, Marcel barely turned to see whoever it was that entered his house before strong fingers fisted his hair and lifted him to his feet. "What you did last night was bad enough, don't you think?" A man, blond and with an English accent, glared at him with livid green eyes, his words nearly a hiss as deadly as the silver snake piercing in one of the man's ears. "Are you-" He broke off in a muted curse, slamming into the far wall. The pale colors of the bathroom swirled with the black marble of his floor, before his vision unblurred. The nerve of some guest to shout at him then toss him aside in disdain merited more than a retort and equal amount of force. Steamed for a fight, Marcel scrambled to his feet, stalking only a couple steps before stopping altogether. Kneeling in water, Ivan rested his lover's head on his lap, fingers sliding through wet tendrils of ebony. Damien... Bending low, he kissed the younger's forehead, closing his eyes in concentration. A flickering of breath brushed against his cheek, frail and weak. Relieved, he pressed another gentle kiss, face moving in a single second of pain before pulling away. His gaze faltered as he took in the nail marks, bruises, cuts, and bites, especially the large one on the younger's neck, almost touching his shoulder blade. Ghosting fingertips over a long scratch on his Damien's cheek, Ivan kept himself completely for his lover, knowing if he were to look away, he'd be overly compelled to return the damage and more in a heartbeat. "Turn off the water." Voice cold, he then gently shook the younger, trying to rouse him awake. "Damien, Dami, wake up, sweetheart..." Speaking softly now, he shushed uselessly, waiting, waiting. Ivan's legs protesting at the prolonged kneeling, he cradled the boy against him, sitting himself in the water, propping up a knee to help support. A frown flitted across the wolf's features, his fingers that were combing out tangles found a large bump; it was familiar, as was the slightly dilated pupils that slowly exposed, Damien rousing from unconciousness. Truly smilling, Ivan pressed a kiss on the younger's cheek, nuzzling gently, shushing over and over. The tenderness he felt from the obvious love the wolf, whoever he was, had for the puppy, Damien, shattered with a sobbing wail. Such an outburst made Marcel jump, creep closer to see whatever was the matter with the puppy. The wolf that held him was struggling to calm the young one, have his voice heard over, "-no! Ivan, don't look at me! Please! Go away! Don't touch me, don't, don't..." Twisting and turning, Damien fought to leave his arms, his voice nearly shrieking now. A few blows caught him but Ivan tried to retain his hold on the younger. Hurt swelled within him - to have Damien burst into tears because of his mere presence was heartbreaking. "Don't, baby, it's alright! Shhh, don't cry, don't cry." Managing to trap the younger's arms to his sides, Ivan closed his eyes, propping his chin over his lover's shoulder. "It's alright, it's alright..." "No, no, d-don't look...Please, leave me alone, go away!" Rocking them back and forth, Ivan whispered reassurances, "Don't look...I-I wasn't fast enough, I wasn't good enough! I...I loved another, I'm so sorry, Ivan!" The puppy broke off into sobs again, and struggled to be free once more. This time, the older wolf, Ivan, stood, unmoving for long seconds. Then with the merest turn of the head, green bore straight into him with immeasurable hatred. Oh shit... It was "that" Ivan... Dropping his gaze, Marcel bit his lip, tasting blood already. "Here," He glanced up carefully to see the other wolf offer Damien a towel which was refused with another outburst of apologies and pleas for him to leave. Something dangerous flickered across the clean-shaven face of Ivan, and with much force, the towl was flung at him. Catching it easily, Marcel opened his mouth to apologize, say anything, then shut it uselessly as the other left the room, his footsteps sounding angry as well. "H-hey, Damien?" His words shook as did he - it'd be hell the moment walked from the room. Kneeling, he started to set down the towel but paused, pulling back as if it had hurt the boy. "Damien, I-I'm sorry..." All the wounds, all the pain could be seen on the puppy, and with much shame, he laid the fluffy towel over slim shoulders. If only problems could be tucked away from sight... "Damien, I'll be downstairs if you need anything...While in my house, you're my guest, and whatever you need, I'll give you..." Unable to remain any longer, he left the water-logged bathroom to enter the hallway and be suddenly tugged to the side. The hand gripped at his collar tightly, the other shutting the door quietly before joining it's brother. "You won't be downstairs, you'll be in the garden as fertilizer!" Promising through gritted teeth, the wolf Ivan dragged him back down to the kitchen all while muttering under his breath. "I should really kill you right now, reduce your flesh to ribbons to decorate your lovely garden. Funny," Contemptous green ran over him in mock examination, "You never did strike me as the gardening type. But picking through here and there, taking what you want like a greedy human..." The wolf, in a flurry of movement, crossed the kitchen and was face to face with him, "But taking Damien, my lover is something you're not going to have, not for long." Turning away, blond locks nearly slapping him, Ivan began to stalk around his kitchen, Marcel's gaze never leaving him. "I'm going to speak to the clan's leaders at sundown, beg, plead, offer my soul if I have to, to get Damien away from you. Oh, I saw the nail marks, and the bites, and the bruises and cuts and the Gods know what else you may have done to him. I know you raped him last night, I watched you but I couldn't move..." Ivan slowed his steps, hovering near the counter top at his side. "He was crying, and then when you finished, he was apologizing to me." A confused frown formed, Marcel watching the other brush fingertips over a single daisy in a vase set on the smooth counter surface. "Y-you don't have to plead or beg, sell your soul..." Trailing off, he shuffled his feet, staring at them, "I must speak to the clan as well, apologize to them." Silence fell between them, nearly tangible. "I went drinking yesterday, I don't remember the evening. I-it was a mistake, I swear." A Life Not Spent With You Ch. 02 Gin and tonic was the best he could do at the moment; the drink burned its way down his throat, snapping him to attention momentarily before a pleasant numbness would take over. Letting his breath out in a quiet sigh, Marcel inhaled deeply, praying that the lack of sensation would free him from the coiling guilt at how much trouble he had caused the night before. "He didn't try to kill himself or anything, Damien would never." Jumping at the first words the older wolf man spoke in over half an hour, the enforcer sneaked a glance at the broad-chested, intimidating figure who sat in one of his stools propped up against his kitchen counter table. Aware of how strongly this Ivan could convey his emotions, frightened of it too, Marcel looked away, palms sweating and unsuredly, a tongue darted out to moisten his dry lips. Do I say anything in return to that? Does he- "He's narcoleptic, he probably hit his head on the way down." There was no amusement in the other's voice, only a statement spoken with that certain foreign lilt that reminded Marcel strongly of childhood neighbors and of older days. "...That, explains why I found him on the floor..." Trailing off, daring to meet the other's still steely gaze for but a second, he took his hands from the counter edge, stretching his arms and legs before leaning back, as if he could sink into the kitchen fixtures and disappear, hide away from here. A nearly tangible silence settled between them once more until he found the nerve to speak. "I'm truly sorry for what I did last-" "I don't forgive you." Snarling subtly, Ivan glared at the other wolf, baring his teeth for the single moment their gazes met. "You raped my lover, jaded his view on any kind of relationship, and will be the cause of months of nightmares. This is not the first time its happened to him, the only difference in this case is that he isn't in a coma right now that will last a near year!" His quick eyes saw those minutely trembling lips begin to move in a probable phrase of sympathy - not wanting to hear it given so flippantly for the sake of hearing such a story, Ivan stalked from the kitchen, intent on visiting the bedroom where Damien was resting. That son of a bitch... Scowling furiously at blue carpet, he let his stomping gradually decrease, not wanting to disturb his puppy's sleep. A glance down the hall from which he tip-toed down confirmed that he was alone. Resting his cheek against the door, he heard the rustling of sheets, a wavering voice that begged for mercy. It's already started... Leaning his forehead against the wood, Ivan clenched his hands into fists, anger boiling within his soul. A terrible wrong had been made, and given the chance, the wolf would've done anything to rewind the last twenty-four hours. Undo the events that led his lover to cry out while he slept, bear such horrible wounds that marred the younger's beauty. "No matter what, dearest, you'll always be beautiful to me..." Whispering softly, he leaned over the bed, the back of his hand caressing a bruised, tear-streaked cheek. It had taken so much courage to enter the room after Damien's heart-wrenching pleas for him to leave. To have the one he loved so much beg for him to avert his eyes, to expect him to turn his face away in shame and disgrace. Removing himself from the younger's side for but a moment, Ivan pulled a chair from the corner of the spare bedroom and placed it by the bed. The smallest of sounds made Damien stir with a whimper, instinctively curling into a ball on his side. With a rapidly softening brow and moistening eyes, Ivan placed a hand on a slim shoulder and patted gently, shushing under his breath. "This is not your fault, Damien, no..." Darkened lids from lack of sleep faltered, his gaze dropping to the thin sheets that covered his lover, "It was my fault. I took too long, you were waiting for me at our meeting place..." Easing his hand into the puppy's hand, mottled with cuts and wounds, Ivan held it so carefully, raising it to his lips at times to press kisses between his rambling that would hopefully ease whatever nightmare Damien experienced while he slept. A Life Not Spent With You Ch. 02 Carefully, he laid over his lover, his face just above Damien's abdomen, still bearing a few nail marks where drunken hands probably couldn't remain still enough to actually land on the jean button the first try. Maybe that fucking bastard didn't even unbutton them, just yanked them off...Being a werewolf he probably could've done that... Very careful not to let his growl be heard, the last thing he wanted was to make Damien think he was angry, Ivan whispered a few sweet words, pressing gentle kisses on the younger's squirming abdomen. There was no sound of giggles or moans like the way he used to, Ivan realized this. Oh Dami... Although he loved to touch Damien, pleasure him, he didn't want to now. His assault had been far too recent, barely 12 hours past and a blindfold was not the way to help his lover start to get over it. But he was so brave. So brave to even try to overcome this horrible event, let alone with him. Damien mentioned just once that he looked alot like his first "lover", rapist. To even think of trying this was enough, let alone try to go through with it. It took a few moments to steel himself to do such a cruel but kind thing. Even as he began to take hold of the younger's hips, he knew this would go over that fine line of present and past, scaring Damien. And on purpose too. Suckling just past his lover's abdomen, Ivan closed his eyes, feeling the immediate tensing, felt the too-sharp gasp. "I-Ivan!" He painfully made a shushing sound, continuing just a little bit more before his name was nearly screamed as he went lower. "S-Say something! I-Ivan? " He didn't answer, knowing it'd frighten Damien even more. "D-Don't! Please don't! No! G-get away!" He made his lover sob. It didn't make him cry but only grow angrier inside. Rising up onto his knees, Ivan quickly sought for the blindfold knot, "Baby, shh, shh, don't cry. Don't cry, it's me. It's Ivan." The younger still thrashed, crying, barely breathing at the rate he was screaming, sobbing more. He was cruel, but it was for the best. Intentionally upseting the younger was something he'd think upon later, reproaching himself to the point of believing he wasn't worthy to even love Damien. He gently took hold of his lover's face, tucked bangs behind his ear, directing his frantic gaze to look at him, "It's me, it's me, sweetheart..." He saw recognization set in, then such shame and sorrow filled those sparkling cinnamon eyes. Carefully, he lifted the younger from the bed, having him sit up before wrapping him loosely in an embrace, tucking his chin in his shoulder. A non-constricting hug broke the spell, the nightmare. Weeping, he threw his arms around Ivan and held onto for dear life. The arms around him did so as well, following his lead. The tight circle happened after he did so, not before. "I-I'm sorry! Ivan, I, I thought I could do it! I couldn't, but don't leave me, don't leave me! I promise I'll get better! B-but please go slow, please Ivan..." Ivan started to sway him, kiss behind his ear, whisper that he would go slow and that he'd always love him. It was the last thing he heard before he suddenly lost consiousness. Whether if was because of Damien's narcolepsy or it was too much, Ivan knew his lover was gone for hours. Drawing the other into his lap, he set his lover's cheek against his cheek, brushing his fingers over the bruised skin, closing his eyes. He listened to the other's heartbeat, glad that he could hear it. So many things could've happened while Damien was in Marcel's control - Marcel could've been extremely rough, shattering bones, Dami's pelvis. It made him wonder if Marcel took his lover face on or had him bent over, taking him from behind; maybe both ways, countless other ways. Kissing the smaller man's lips, Ivan laid himself back, keeping Damien nestled against his side. Bringing the blankets over them, he tucked it over Damien's shoulder, hiding the mating bite from sight. There was no choice but share Damien with a monster. A Life Not Spent With You Ch. 03 "Hey, hey...Shhh, you're alright, baby..." The whisper made him shiver delicately, his eyes fall shut at the soothing tones in that British voice that could only belong to one. All the fear faded rapidly, expelled with a sigh. Snuggling further into Ivan's embrace, Damien's lips, parted for an apology, trembled as the soft brushing of fingers down his back continued. "Another nightmare? Don't worry, Dami, don't apologize..." Kissing a bare shoulder, Ivan closed his eyes before pulling away, tugging the younger's shirt collar into place. The pup gave a shuddering breath, his fingers grasping handfuls of fabric, of his shirt. Taking a dare, Ivan let his lips nuzzle a turned cheek; wide cinnamon brown locked onto his tendered green ones. For a single second, his lover stared at him with fear, the tiniest of flickers before a blink and a frail smile replaced the trigger reaction. It was back to triggers, body memories, and endless nights of nightmares. Weeks of cuddling, wrapping protective arms around his younger, and relearning touch again. That fact that this happened again matters...Doing this all over again though... Smiling gently up at his lover, still snuggled into his side, elbow propped up, Ivan carefully tucked a few errant bangs behind an ear. If only his baby knew how far he'd go for him. Damien looked away suddenly, not able to conceal the fact that tears had formed - he must have seen the love he felt. Sitting up, Ivan coaxed the younger to as well, and finally tried to get the other to draw his face from hiding. "Oh, shhh, baby...No, no no..." A single touch to Damien's trembling shoulder was enough; his beloved, crying sweetheart turned and desperately held onto him, arms twining around chest. Whispering sweet words, Ivan pressed them even closer, rocking the other gently, shushing his sobs. "I-I'm so sorry, Ivan! I still love you! I, what we wanted...I-I'm not yours. I-I couldn't, I didn't-" His heart was breaking, shattering, piercing his chest. It hurt everywhere even though the bruises and cuts had faded. Despite showering and scrubbing, he still smelt the liquor and sweat from the night before. Hiccuping, he kissed at Ivan's neck, trying to cease his cries. He couldn't now, not while he was another's mate. But he wanted to love, wanted it so much he began to cry again as he suckled fiercely, trailing down to Ivan's collarbone. Hands rested on his shoulders, trying to pull him away. "N-no! Ivan I want to, I won't be scared! I love you, n-not him! I just want, oh please let me go..." Realizing how pathetic he sounded, Damien turned his face away, collapsing within himself to cry into his hands. Nothing was going right. He fucked another, not Ivan. He never really got "better" after his first time and now he was the farthest from "better". Ivan didn't want to be touched anymore, didn't love him. His attempt to get closer again failed, his wrists taken in Ivan's strong grip, keeping him at a distance. His wasted tears were visible now, not even his soiled hands could hide his ugliness. His impurity. "Damien, shhh, calm down, baby. I will let you go, but I ask you to stop kissing, nuzzling. It's driving me crazy." Lowering his voice, he pressed lips to one of the younger's clenched fists. The sobbing echoed around his houseboat, making it sound even more empty, if possible. Lips pursed, holding back his words, first reaction words that were of anger and rage at the man who caused his pup to hide. They had shuffled around on the bed, and now he was kneeling, sitting up tall whereas his lover was kneeling, slumped on the bed, lower than him. Doing so as well, keeping himself level, Ivan loosened his hold on the younger's wrists. Barely a second later, Damien tried again. "Ivan! Don't you-" The wavering plea when his lover said his name was already too much. Tears were starting to gather in his green eyes as they ran over the younger's. Swallowing back the stinging in his throat, Ivan cut him off, "I do love you, sweetheart, I always will, no matter what happens. What happened earlier, it was not your fault. I-if anything, it's my fault, baby, you were waiting for me. I was too slow..." Damien bowed his head, hiding with his messy, matted hair that only happened when one slept with their hair unbound. Cooing gently, Ivan edged closer on his knees, sifting through locks, lightly resting fingertips on the other's damp cheeks, "I still love you, Damien. But you're not ready for anything like this, not for a while. You were hurt bad, honey, and it takes time to heal. I can wait forever until you're ready, when we're ready. Dammit, I will wait for you!" His voice was now a whisper; to be shouting to get the strong emotion that pounded in his heart across wouldn't be wise. This time he was ready for it, and locked his lover in an embrace only as tight as Damien wanted. Now he pressed kisses to the younger's exposed neck, trailed upwards. The Gods strike him down where he knelt - Ivan wanted nothing more than to go lower, strip and make love with the pup. Be as slow and gentle as possible, bring him to an end that would surely shatter him completely. It was twice now Damien had been dragged into sex unwillingly, not knowing what a truly pleasurable experience it was. It took everything in him to continue kissing up and not down. "The pack leaders will let another mating ritual take place tonight so- oh no, no, Damien, not another run!" He kissed those quivering lips, "A marking ritual, just for you and me. We'll be mates, that bastard, you, and me. But I'll keep him way, I swear it! I'll kick his fucking ass from here to the next town if he ever touches you again." Between sentences, their lips met, "Then you can live here with me for as long as you want! Can you imagine it?" Closing his eyes, he buried his face into Dami's shoulder, the mere mentioning it made his heart flare. To live together as true lovers, to be able to touch and cherish everything. They had done everything but sex, and even that was difficult. For Damien, the memories of being forced to give oral sex scared him, and for Ivan himself, was the fact how much his lover feared the past. The younger only did it once, entirely on his own - Ivan actually protested, seeing how much it troubled Dami - the British wolf had pleasured the pup more than once. Before even getting close to oral, it took months for Damien to grow accustomed to his company, even talking took a couple weeks. Damien had been in a coma when he was 16, sent into such a state by his boyfriend then, seven years Damien's senior. Such a naive creature Damien had been, coerced into sex by the second date. He was told that 'doing it' was supposed to hurt alot, and it was normal to romp every day. There was a day when Damien had said no, then was pinned down and was introduced to a "game". It all ended with another fight one night, a push, and an 10 month hospital stay. At the time, Ivan had been Fourth in Command and was instructed to keep watch over the unconscious member of their pack. Not knowing the little pup by name, he had thought nothing of it, only felt minor concern that one of their own had taken such brutality without any of the wolves knowing. It had been a shock to match a familiar face to the name that was earlier, unimportant. By the time the young one woke up, his apartment was no longer there, the building gone. The boyfriend was gone, sentenced to death for attempting to kill off a pack member and one so young. So Ivan's care extended, and without anywhere else to go, Damien came to live on the houseboat. "We've still got four hours before nightfall, sweetheart, how about you get some more rest?" "I, c-can you stay here with me until I fall asleep?" "I always do, and even while you're sleeping, I'm gonna stay." A Life Not Spent With You Ch. 03 Heat began to trickle down into his groin, the feeling making him start to shake. Parting his lips in a sharp gasp, Damien looked to the ground, anywhere but at Ivan, who still kept his arms twined around his waist. Panting softly, he gave a weak laugh, "Sorry! I'm sorry..." Falling into a whisper, he fell silent, his lips trembling slightly, his cheeks warm with shame. Why that one thing always cropped up in his heart whenever he felt anything pleasurable, he didn't know. If he had one wish, he'd wish his shame and guilt would go away long enough for him to be loved properly. Ivan always said...My first wasn't proper....That love doesn't feel like that... Just an hour, an hour without him breaking kisses, stopping their love play for feeling dirty, contaminated at feeling what was too good for his body. It felt so good, and it was so stupid to make it end when- "-mien?" There was so much conflict in his lover's down turned eyes that ran back and forth, as if he were reading his thoughts. They blinked away the glassiness, and warmed considerably upon meeting his concerned green gaze. "I'm here, sorry about that." His lover licked his lips, and drew closer, pausing only once as if unsure. Petal soft, they met his mouth in a shy kiss, barely a peck. Returning it, Ivan cupped Dami's cheek, thumb stroking the soft skin before his hand followed down his body. "Let's just skip dinner, Ivan..." If that whisper meant what he thought it meant... His temperature spiked, waves of heat directing to his abdomen and lower; then began to cool. With a soft shush, Ivan drew way, eyes running over Damien's face, "Aww, Dami, it's too soon. I mean, it wasn't even twenty-four hours ago..." The flicker of disappointment wasn't missed by him. Closely regarding the young one's face, ready to see any hint of worry or fear, he asked, "Are you sure you want to do this?" "I do, I-I'm sure." Drawing in a deep breath, he gave a brave smile. His lover's face softened with some emotion he couldn't name, then brushed his cheek gently; nuzzling into the touch, Damien continued, "I want to love you completely, Ivan. For a long time I wanted to, a-and now we can. Just, go slow, please?" His doubts slipped away from his mind at how tenderly Ivan kissed him, wrapping arms around his waist. A whimper escaped him, ripe with desire and the slightest touch of fear as Ivan suddenly hoisted him up into his arms. That swooping sensation in his stomach started again, and with blushing cheeks, Dami wrapped his legs around the older's waist, his arms around his neck. Oh Gods... He was shivering all over, betraying another whimper as their tongues flicked over the other. Every thing still reserved within him for love was becoming alive, a nearly overwhelming feeling spreading over him as Ivan lowered them onto their king-sized bed. "Ivan, it's beautiful..." Rose petals, white and red, were strewn over their black sheets, their scent sweet. There were candles set on the bed stand, on the little table near their window overlooking the sea. The curtains were drawn back, allowing them to see the clear starry sky, letting soft blue moonlight in. Smiling, Dami looked to Ivan, about to comment on the amount of effort to make this romantic, then frowned slightly. The older was still looking around, his brows furrowed in a confused arch before glancing at him, "You, didn't do this?" "No, didn't you?" After looking around with Ivan, Damien soon found a note he had been sitting on, addressed from the twins. The two had been hanging around their street for a good part of the afternoon, and set everything up while he and Damien drove to their pack's clearing for their mating ritual. They both wished them their luck and love, and had apparently worn lipstick to place their lip prints on the paper. Ivan and Damien both agreed to have the twins over for another slumber party - their favorite activity - and stuff with them cake and other goodies. Trembling finely, Ivan slowly shucked his shirt off, his eyes never leaving Damien's. Those lovely brown orbs looked over his exposed chest and returned to meet his gaze, his cheeks coloring more. But he still knelt, not moving, looking almost afraid to. Leaving his kneeling position, Ivan shuffled closer, one hand falling to support his weight as his other reached out to touch the younger's cheek. "Hey...Baby, are you okay?" He got a nod, an attempt for an explanation, then just a shrug. Daring to inch closer, Ivan caressed the other's cheek, "Do you want me to do it?" Asking softly, he gave a nod in return and drew Dami in his arms. Just an embrace, a few seconds for their hearts to beat together before he carefully lowered his lover down. Sweeping his hand under the younger's shirt, Ivan smoothed his palm upward. Lying carefully onto of his lover, he buried his face in Dami's neck, held there by the other's arms pressing him closer. His shirt continued to drag up his chest, making his breath catch as the hand continued up his body. A whimper nearly escaped him, his hips rocking upwards once in reaction to the pleasant feeling as his nipples were gently tweaked. Lips touched his neck, then a tongue, sliding up to the line of his jaw, leaving to suckle his ear lobe. Barely keeping in a cry, Dami kept his eyes shut, trying to remember who this was, what this meant. Marcel hadn't touched him like this, nor had his first boyfriend - and what they did wasn't love. This was. Ivan continued to tease him, nipping at his lobe before kissing him. Fear was dying but still present; hs body still remembered hands grabbing and pulling, ripping, and tearing. "I-Ivan!" His choked voice was barely audible as his shirt was lifted up higher, exposing his flat stomach, his chest. A pleased murmur escaped him followed by a moan. Lips brushed over his ribs, a hand coming to play with his other nipple while the other nub was being kissed, then gently sucked. Arching his back, Damien laced fingers around his lover's head and tugged him down, guiding him for more. As they continued to be so close, his trembling started again mainly how pleasing this felt and how bad his heart started to hurt. It had been lied to again, believing the pleasure he felt with Marcel was true. The younger had been squirming right from the start, his held-in sounds making his groin throb. A sharp gasp sounded into his neck, an encouraging murmur before hips arched up into his again. With a breathless groan, Ivan thrust down, grinding against Damien. The younger moaned, meeting him again and again. Gasping, Ivan matched every thrust, kissing slowly to keep his lover calm. To his surprise, nothing seemed to register to Dami but how good it felt, moving like this; he whined, spreading his legs wider around him. Hands wouldn't stay in one place, roaming across his shoulders, to his neck, before dropping again. Finally, Damien locked hands and kept hold of him; turning his face, Ivan pressed kisses up and down Dami's neck. Their chests met, their whole bodies rocked as they ground against each other. Nothing else seemed to get through the desire that clouded his mind. As he rocked upwards, stroking Ivan's hair as a mouth suckled at his neck, a hand massaging his side, he knew this was Ivan. It felt warm every time his boyfriend came near - it was never warm with his first, or with Marcel. Closing his eyes, he still knew who it was that moved against him, loving him. Catching his breath, he let another moan leave him, "W-wait," Slowing his movements, he paused a few seconds, trying to regain his breath. Ivan looked down at him with softness, drawing his face away. Smiling in return, albeit it was shaking slightly as if unsure, Damien grabbed at his shirt and pulled the confining cloth over his head, throwing it somewhere on the floor. What it too bold of him? It felt right to do, it wasn't fear of letting down Ivan that made him. It was the need to be as close as possible, to touch everything without barriers. A hand touched his bare chest, making him shiver; meeting his lover's gaze, he smiled, placing his hand over Ivan's. "You let me know if you're scared..." His voice was low, husky as he stroked his thumb over the soft skin. A sadness entered those lovely brown eyes, "I am scared...But I can manage. It feels really good when you touch me..." Dami looked uncomfortable as he always did when admitting things like this. "If it gets too frightening, I'll tell you. I'm s-sorry if I do, I just..." He trailed off his rambling, shifting under him. Shaking his head, Ivan smiled, "Don't you apologize, Damien. It is not your fault for what happened, it's Marcel's. He was the one that hurt you, you didn't ask to be. Anytime, sweetheart, anytime at all you want to stop I will. Even if we're a centimeter from heaven." "Heaven?" "When I'm inside you, I'll touch something that will make you want to scream. How it feels like now, this pleasure, is nothing compared to what will come later. I want to take you there..." Whispering, he slowed down, kissing gently, running hands lightly down Dami's bare sides. His touch caused shivers; as he started to thrust against his lover again, he gained a shudder. Sweet whispers brushed against his ears, Ivan's probable attempt to calm him, but his desire began to turn, fear starting to leak in his body like a poison. A memory of last night flashed before him, and before he could murmur to tell Ivan it took control. A Life Not Spent With You Ch. 04 A Life Not Spent With You Ch. 04 Ghosting his lips along the other arm, Ivan let his eyes open briefly to see how his beloved puppy was doing. There were so many conflicting emotions in his lover's eyes as they stared blankly at a spot a few inches away from his face. But they were aware, those lovely cinnamon brown eyes were nearly squeezed shut at times in an effort to keep back tears that just wouldn't stay. They fell down those lovely cheeks and trailed lower, where Ivan now started to kiss again. "I don't mind, baby. I still love every part of you..." His whisper wasn't unheard, he saw Dami give the barest of nods, his sobs starting again. It was awkward to continue from their current position, so after guiding the other's arms around his neck, Ivan made himself stand up from their couch, hooking his arms under the younger's legs, aiding them in wrapping around his waist. Hushing Damien's quickened breath, his scared hiccup, Ivan nuzzled his face into his neck and whispered sweet words as he brought them to their shared bed. As he crawled onto the bed as best as he could while support Dami, Ivan felt his love surge, intensifying and hopefully noticed by the young one. As gentle as he could, he lowered his sweetheart down onto the bed, the blankets and sheets cushioning the tired, exhausted body. The simple act of resting his lover down was so empowering - Damien let him, looked into his eyes when he did this, and now was looking away again. Keeping his movements slow, Ivan brushed the bangs from his eyes before setting a knee on either side of Damien's thighs, brought his face down until his lips kissed down the fine line of the chest. Hands came up and massaged his lover's sides as he grazed his mouth along the baby-soft skin, gently nipping and sucking at a nipple. Barely staying here for more than a few seconds, Ivan swept to the other one, giving it the same amount of attention before resuming his kissing; this was meant to bring comfort not to prepare for sex. "No, no, this is the worst, the worst! Ivan, please, baby..." Unable to utter more than a hoarse whisper of a plea, Damien shook his head, laying it back against the pillows and turned to the side. His face burned a shameful crimson, his lips biting down to keep back his moan of disgust. Ivan finished undoing the bow to his pajama pants and now as slowly as possible, started to drag the thin fabric from him. While he kept crying, Damien didn't know which was worse - Ivan doing this so carefully and lovingly or if Ivan was doing everything as fast as possible. Every time Ivan's lips or anything of him touched his skin, it seemed to burn into his soul, mapping out just how far someone would go. And now his body was completely bare for his cherished lover to see. Ivan now had been shuffled down about his ankles while his face was level with his stomach; now he coaxed his legs apart and settled between them. Damien's back arched as if his whole body could leave the bed as Ivan's soft lips brushed lightly on his abdomen, drawing a gasp of worry, fear, and pleasure. His jutting hips fell prey to the older's touch, and followed the line of his legs to his groin where, from a nest of copper curls, his length protruded from. To react so fast, it was so whorish and disgusting. Turning his face to the side against as fast as he could with a shaking sob, Damien began to weep, it couldn't be called crying anymore. As much as he wanted to dry his lover's tears and rock him to sleep, Ivan lifted himself up onto his knees and waited until Damien looked at him. Those watery orbs met his with such sorrow it was heartbreaking. Certain he'd be lost and break down into sobs as well, the older let his gaze soften even more and reached down to the waistband of his own lounge pants. And slowly, giving his sweetheart so much time to protest, stripped himself bare and then lowered himself back down onto the bed. Now they were both naked, in nothing but their skins and hadn't started sex as so many couples do. He cried out involuntarily, reverting back to sobs as he fisted his shaking hands into the blankets beneath him. His heart hammered almost painfully in his chest, warmed from Ivan's kissing; it was too much. Damien uttered another cry, apologizing under his breath. "It's alright, dearest..." Murmuring in reply, Ivan lowered his lips again and sealed them around the tip of his lover's length, suckling lightly. Letting his hands caress the smooth thighs, Ivan pulled his mouth away and nipped gently down one side of the shaft, then did so on the other side. After kissing everywhere, the older started down one thigh, down the leg and playfully nipped at the toes - the giggle he hoped to hear never came, Damien was far too unrelaxed. It was not good for what he was about to do. When he kissed down the other leg, Ivan's sweet words turned to encouragement, "It's alright baby, I love you, honey. Shhh, lay back down." Successful in guiding Damien to lie on his stomach, although it took a good long time to get him to do so, Ivan started from the toes and went up. Just as he got to the knee, his lover began to protest. "Ivan, skip this part, a-anywhere but not there! I-Ivy, please! I-I'm so ashamed, I'm so sorry!" Damien's sobbing couldn't be calmed no matter what he whispered between kisses. Shedding his own tears, Ivan gently massaged the soft cheeks and barely touched his lips to the silky skin. Dragging them across so he touched every inch, the older held his breath before whispering for Damien to rise up onto his knees but keep the rest of him lying on the bed. Although his puppy refused to, telling him he'd never, that it was so dirty and wrong to touch him there now, Damien did as he requested through his weeping. Their trust had been steadily growing - Ivan could've, if ever he wanted to, bitten or scratched - and now it grew to immeasurable heights. The way his lover shook violently was so hard to see and feel, Ivan couldn't find a way to relax his lover. But this needed to be done, Damien had to know it didn't bother him, that he didn't think he was dirty. His hands kneading the cheeks, Ivan then, with the utmost care and gentleness, pried them apart. Damien gave a near shriek of so much pain and torment into the pillows, muffling the horrible bout of sobbing. Holding back his own, Ivan took in a deep breath for control and lowered his face. The small, pink rosebud had healed, the many tears and rips from a couple nights ago gone; it was here where Damien cried the most when his lips touched. He didn't breath for many long seconds as he fed his need to cry everything out of his system. The shame, the guilt, the terror, the lingering layer of filth he felt upon his skin. Ivan had gone so out of his way to erase that disgusting second skin upon his body, and now to do it there... Giving another near scream, Damien buried his face deeper into the pillows, letting it keep his sounds quiet as it soaked up his tears. His hands couldn't block his noises, they were strangling the blankets and sheets in a death grip that only grew tighter as Ivan pressed another kiss upon that place. "Ivan, I-I'm sorry! I wanted my n-next time after Jared to be with you! And I've ruined it, I-I messed up! I-" Damien broke off in a wail, his whole body almost slumping down onto the bed. Drawing in a shuddering breath, Ivan let his tongue dart out again, teasing the surrounding area before pressing forward again, easing past the muscular ring. Again and again he did this, and more and more did Damien cry out and weep. Between this and pulling away for breath, Ivan whispered his love, shushed his sobbing. Hips started to rock back into his slow thrusting tongue - Ivan drew his mouth away and carefully had Damien's body unwind so he could insert a finger, made easier by a few sweeps of pre-cum. "It's alright to feel good, relax, baby, just feel, Dami." Now with two fingers, he caressed that one spot within his lover and reached under with his other hand, taking the bobbing length and stroking it in time to the puppy's frantic bucking. The moans and gasps were intoxicating, making his own groin throb but Ivan wouldn't touch himself, Damien's pleasure far too important over his own. After a minute of this heart-warming pleasuring, his lover gave a scared mewl, almost getting out of his kneeling position. "P-please, I have a boyfriend, I-I can't! A-anything, just don't make me!" Damien thought he was Marcel. "It's alright, shh, Damien, it's Ivan, Ivan touching you, making you feel good. It's alright, baby!" "I-it's gonna hurt! Its gonna hurt!" Damien repeated it over and over again, his sobbing starting again. Seconds after his lover tipped over the edge with a muffled shriek, release gathering into his palm as it drew gentle circles on the tip. The pleasure made his Dami tremble, lower himself onto the bed; Ivan withdrew his fingers and laid by Dami's side, resting his ear against the other's back. To hear him fight for breath, to feel him shudder... After some time, Ivan combed his fingers through the young one's sweaty locks and found him to be nearly asleep. As lightly as possible, the older finished his kissing up Dami's back, the arms and neck, Ivan guided his sleeping lover onto his side, and spooned against him. Holding him close, keeping him safe.