7 comments/ 38803 views/ 28 favorites A Hero in Yellow Ch. 01 By: taylorreed Hello all...First of all I want to start out by saying SORRY! I totally spaced on the whole Condom thing! Sorry! YES we use them, YES we always have and YES we always will! They shall be making an appearance in this next little story eventually. This is how my two best friends came to Be a couple...So sit back and enjoy! Blessings Taylor. * There was so much smoke that it was impossible to see anything! The office where I had spent almost five years was a total mystery to me now. My eyes were streaming tears and my throat felt as though it was on fire. Every breath caused me to cough violently and the voices of my colleagues were getting further away. "Anthony over here!" I had no idea who that was but I stretched out one trembling hand to feel my way through this nightmare. The sprinkler system had kicked in but there were still flames everywhere and being an office there was plenty for the fire to feed on. "Anthony"! There's that voice again. Stumbling against over-turned chairs and wastebaskets I found the exit door to the stairs. Just ahead I could see the faint outlines of my co-workers and I struggled against the panic of being left behind. I felt someone push me and I was knocked aside as a human form screamed by in blind panic. I reached out to stop my fall but grabbed at nothing and my head came into contact with the stair railing. My knees buckled and I sat stunned with my head ringing. I assumed the wet stuff now covering my left eye was blood and swiped at it with my sleeve. I started to feel sick and things were moving on their own. Then a strong hand clamped on my arm and I was hoisted to my feet. I felt like one of those guys you see in the movies...You know they're crawling through the sand and up ahead there's a small lake of water and glorious green palm trees. They get closer only to discover it was a mirage. I knew the person standing in front of me was a fireman but I couldn't get my brain to quite believe it because just maybe he would disappear too. I must have looked like I was going to fall over because he bent slightly and I was thrown over his shoulder. Now I need to say here that yes even though I am gay I do like to take on the role of "the guy" so being carried like I was a girl did nothing for my ego. And I also need to say that I not small by any means so this guy must have been really strong because he carried me like I weighed nothing. I realize I should not have been concerned with these stupid thoughts because my building was on fire but in my defense I had taken a pretty bad knock to the head! I closed my eyes and just about choked the poor guy in a death grip and I am sure it was only minutes but my God I just know time stopped. We seemed to be in that stairwell for hours! Finally the door to the outside world swung open and the blinding sunlight hit my face. Almost by instinct I sucked in the fresh air in one huge gulp and then promptly threw up everywhere! Lucky for my rescuer his jacket washes off easily. He sat me down on the sidewalk and pulled off his mask. Holy crap what amazing eyes! He waved over a paramedic who began to clean me up and tend to the gash on my head. I opened my mouth to say something...Not sure what it was going to be probably something lame like "thank you" but my throat was so raw I made a pathetic croaking sound. He patted my shoulder and smiled in a way that I am sure he does a lot because I can't be the only stupid person he's rescued. "You take care now ok". His voice was almost lost in the noise and surrounding chaos. His name on the front of his jacket read HUGHES, which I assumed, was his last name. I committed that to memory as he joined his crew and went back into the building to do "his thing". The paramedic suggested that I needed to go get checked out at the hospital because it looked like I was going to need stitches. Crap! I hate hospitals..I hate everything about hospitals. So grudgingly I permitted him to escort me to a waiting ambulance and was whisked off to some God-forsaken corner of the city where people awaited me with sharp things and that horrible backless gown! While I waited for my turn at being tortured I was given some oxygen I guess to combat the smoke that I had inhaled and was told to put on that stupid gown! I kept myself occupied by checking out some of the cute doctors and reading a very old Time magazine. I heard some kind of commotion going on just outside my room and went to investigate. There was my fireman..Well you know what I mean..being led by the arm, his jacket smoldering and his face covered in black. Coughing just as I had done and being scolded by someone I could only guess was his boss. "Dammit Shawn. You know better than that!" His boss continued to berate him even as he received treatment for both his cough and what looked like a nasty burn to his neck. So Shawn is it..Well now as least I knew his whole name. Shawn had the good sense to hang his head and apologize which seemed to appease his boss because some shoulder slapping took place and it was smiles all round. Shawn's eyes scanned the room and landed on mine. I made the "ok" sign and smiled. He smiled in return and gave me the thumbs up. I felt a small tingle in the pit of my stomach which if you knew me you would know that that never happens. I am not a relationship kind of guy. I don't like being vulnerable and I don't like giving my heart away it's just too risky. So the fact that I was feeling something now scared the shit out of me and not only that there was a big chance that Shawn wasn't even into guys! The whole idea was stupid but one little part of my brain kept saying "yeah but what if?" Turning to go back to my "suite" I totally forgot that my ass was hanging out of my gown and blushed furiously while reaching back with my hand to close the gap. A quiet whistle made me stop and turn to see who the smart ass was. Shawn had a huge grin plastered across his face which may have meant that he liked what he saw or he was just being cute. The wink he gave me along with the smile however told me something different. If I had been coordinated enough to do a cartwheel I probably would have done one right then and there! But remembering at the last minute that I don't "do" relationships I turned casually and waited for nurse Godzilla to return. The whole evening took forever but I was finally given parole and tried to leave as quickly as I could but one of the nurses stopped me and handed me a small piece of paper. "It's probably my bill already" I thought snidely as I opened the note. There in front of me were five little words that stopped me cold. "This is my number...Shawn." Even if there was a gun to my head there was no way I could have stopped smiling. For a guy who had lost his job because his building had burned down and almost lost his life along with that building, things were looking pretty sweet. I wanted to call Shawn right away but I also wanted to sleep for the next three days and have a very long, very hot shower. I didn't want to seem desperate or too eager and besides I had the next couple of days to make an idiot out of myself so it could wait. I flagged down a taxi and sat back to enjoy the ride watching the world go by the window. Every time I closed my eyes Shawn's face appeared with those amazing eyes and I allowed myself to think about the possibility of us getting together somehow. Yep this just might get interesting! * Ok that's it for now. Sorry if you were expecting hot sex scenes right away but that's not how it happened and I promised I wouldn't embellish too much! Part two will be coming soon so until then... Taylor. A Hero in Yellow Ch. 02 Ok here is part two...Hope you like it! Taylor. * Anthony* I must have paced the floor for at least ten minutes before I got up the nerve to call Shawn. It had been almost a week but I had thought about him every minute in between. I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say I just hoped that I didn't make a total dick out of myself. Taking a deep breath to steady myself I dialed Shawn's number. It rang for a while then he answered. "Hello?" Shawn's voice sounded half-asleep and very groggy. "Oh crap. Hey Shawn it's Anthony...You know the guy you rescued?" I stuttered lamely..."I threw up on you"..Oh Christ! I slapped my forehead in frustration. He's going to hang up you moron!! Shawn cleared his throat and I could hear him smiling on the other end. "Oh yeah...hey Anthony...Sorry I am on night's at the moment so I am not really with it right now." I did wake him up! "Oh man sorry Shawn. Hey listen I'll call you back later on ok?". "Well hang on a second...Could we at least make a date before you disappear. I didn't think you were going to call me you know." Shawn's reply was kind of teasing and a little hurt too. I think realizing that left me in a state of shock..A hot fireman actually sounding bewildered that I had taken so long to call?! One small piece of the wall that guarded my heart so carefully crumbled. "Um well...It took a while to just recover and then I was a total coward and even though you've been in my thoughts I just couldn't quite get the nerve to call until now". Stop raving you twit! I mentally berated myself. So after both agreeing that I was an idiot we made a date for Friday evening. Nothing too fancy so there was no pressure for either of us to impress the other. Just two guys testing the waters. This was going to be a long week! Shawn* I hung up from the call with Anthony laughing quietly to myself. What a cutie! He totally disarmed me with his unassuming manner and he seemed to have no qualms about letting me know what he was feeling. This was a new thing for me. I had never just given my number out like that....I have met quite a few crazies so you just learn to be careful. But it just felt right with Anthony. Of course it could have been a disaster and I had read the whole him being gay thing wrong but it hadn't turned out that way. There was no way I could get back to sleep so I got up and jumped in the shower. Closing my eyes I let the hot water wash all the tension away. Anthony's face kept popping into my head and because I had carried him down the stairs that day of the fire I knew under that suit there was definitely a hot body to go with that face. He wasn't as tall as me but he certainly had the same amount of muscle mass. My hands wandered lazily down my chest, tweaking my already hard nipples on the way down. My breath sucked in with pleasure as my hand wrapped around my stiffening cock. Stroking it softly my other hand went to my ass and began to play with my puckered hole. I bent my legs slightly so I could gain more access and pushed a finger in. Because of my job and various other aspects of my life it had been a while since I had been with anyone at all so it wasn't going to take much to send me over the edge. Timing my stroking with the movements of the three fingers now buried deep in my ass I increased my speed. My breathing turned to panting as I drew closer to my climax. I pictured Anthony here in the shower with me..Our lips meeting in a hard kiss and his body pressed against mine. Oh God I was going to come hard! I felt his hands on my body and our engorged cocks rubbing together causing a delicious friction. I felt that familiar tightening in my groin and my muscles tensed. I groaned loudly as I came...Thick white ropes of it covered my chest and my knees gave out as I slowly sank to the shower floor. This was going to be a long week! Anthony* Since the building that I had worked at was now out of commission I found myself doing work from home which was a waste of time because all I did was think about Shawn. Never in my life had I allowed myself to let a guy get to me like I had with Shawn. I felt out of control, scared and happy all at once. I didn't know if I had enough guts to see this thing through where ever it may lead but I was certainly going to enjoy the ride! Finally after the longest week of my life, the big night rolled around. I tried unsuccessfully not to stress out about my clothes and after about an hour I finally decided on something suitable to wear. We decided to both meet at this café that we both liked and then see where the evening would take us.If it lasted that long of course. After all, I did have this stupid habit of being an idiot! Trying not to sprint I made myself think casual thoughts as I entered the café. My capacity for rational speech went out the window with one look from Shawn. He could have worn a sack and looked beautiful! The green shirt matched his amazing eyes and his butt in those jeans...Let's just say it was going to be torture not being able to touch him. Stuffing my trembling hands in my pockets I smiled and made my way to our table. Shawn took a look at my face and laughed. "Anthony relax...I don't bite". His joking calmed me a little and I sat across the table. The waitress came over to take our order, which broke the awkward silence, and we both were amused that we ordered the same thing. "So...Shawn began...How are you doing after the fire and all? You look like you've recovered well". A faint blush touched his cheeks, which only made me want him more. Clearing my throat I replied. " I'm doing good thanks. It's weird not going in to work every day but they have me doing stuff from home which is a waste of time because all I think about it you". My mouth dropped open and I prayed the floor would open up and swallow me! Why in the hell did I say that? Why, why, why?!! Groaning softly I let my head fall onto my hands. I sat there for what felt like hours and waited for the shoe to drop. Then I felt Shawn's fingers brush my hair gently. "Anthony....Anthony? Would you look at me...Please?" The pleading tone in his voice made me glance up. He took one of my hands in his almost like he was afraid I would bolt. "Do you have any idea how incredibly attracted I am to you right now? I love it that when you're around me you forget to be on guard, which leads me to believe that you are starting to feel the same way. We don't know anything about each other but I would like to change that....So what do you say?" What could I say? Shawn had put his heart right there on the table and I would have been a total prick not to respond in kind. I moved his hand to my lips and kissed his fingertips gently. "Yes" I managed to croak out. "I think I would really like that too". The waitress of course chose that moment to bring our orders over and we broke apart laughing at our candor and obvious mutual attraction. We spent the better part of the evening just talking and I have to say it was one of the nicest dates I've ever been on. I didn't share much about myself. I mean let's face it there wasn't much to share. I work and I'm a closed off idiot when it comes to relationships oh yeah and I'm a coward too. That sounds harsh I guess but I know who I am and I have no problems being honest about that. I guess Shawn noticed my lack of information and he kept asking me questions that required more than a yes or no answer. Being the artful dancer that I am, I managed to dodge most of them and he sighed in obvious frustration but eventually gave up. Now it came to "that" time of the evening. I was unsure how to proceed. Do I ask him up for a drink? Do we shake hands and make another date? That question was answered for me as we made our way outside. Turning me gently, Shawn bent and took my lips with his. Before I could think about a response my body took over and I moaned as we pressed together. Breaking apart we both came up for air and then remembered where we were. Shawn grinned sheepishly at me. "Sorry. I just couldn't wait anymore. So now what do we do?" I gaped at him. "You're asking me? I know what I would love to do but I don't know what you'll think about it". Shawn took a step closer, his breath ruffling my hair. "Try me." He whispered. I swear in that moment I have never been so close to loosing control and I have never been that turned on by someone...ever. I took his face in my hands. "I want to take you home and cover every inch of you in kisses and just when you think you're about to loose your mind, I'll show you heaven." Ok big words to live up to but making someone feel great in the bedroom has never been an issue for me. A small shiver passed through Shawn as he nodded his agreement. My place was only ten minutes away so we chose to go there. On the walk home I reached out and took Shawn's hand in mine. Our fingers twined together and I once again felt that small pang of fear. I knew I was falling for Shawn and as afraid as I was of getting hurt I just couldn't seem to pull back to a comfortable distance. Shawn* I am definitely falling hard for Anthony. I have a feeling that he's afraid of being hurt because just when I think he'll let me in, he pulls away again. I want desperately for him to know that I will take care of his heart if he chooses to give it to me but it's going to take a while to convince him of that. God I feel like a kid again falling in love for the first time! I grin all the time like an idiot and I can't compose my thoughts and tonight when he admitted that all he thinks about is me......It was all I could do not to take him right there in the café. I want to take things slow and make sure this is what we both want but I can't. It's like I don't have a will of my own anymore. I could have danced when he told me that all he wanted to do was make love to me. On the walk back to his place Anthony did the sweetest thing. He took my hand in his and we walked as a couple. I know that was a big deal for him and it only made me fall harder. I keep catching him looking at me when he thinks I don't notice and I bring his hand to my lips and kiss it. What a pair! * Yes once again I have to stop there. Don't worry there will be more! Blessings Taylor. A Hero in Yellow Ch. 03 Hello again...I hope you are enjoying this story. Shawn and Anthony say hi. Blessings Taylor. * Shawn* We walked home in comfortable silence. Every now and then I would sneak a glance at Anthony. God he was nice on the eyes! I looked down at our fingers twined together and it looked right..like we had been a couple for years. Ok hang on there big fella...I reminded myself that we had only actually "met" a week ago and here I was planning our future already. I could tell this was all foreign territory for him but I was extremely happy that he was at least trying to let his guard down even just a little...It wasn't enough for me but we had plenty of time for that. I was itching with anticipation about our night together and I couldn't wait to get my hands on him again. But from what Anthony had promised I may just have to wait my turn! I couldn't stop a smile curling my lips. Anthony must have been staring at me the entire time I was off daydreaming because he tugged on my hand gently and said "What?" Startled I jumped a little and blushed at being caught. I squeezed his hand in response and kept on moving. At last we slowed and Anthony pointed upward..."There, that's me on the top." It was a lovely old building with a lot of character, just the kind of place I pictured him living in. We rode the elevator to the top. I barely restrained myself from attacking him now that we had some privacy but it ended as we ground to a halt. I followed him and watched chuckling quietly as his hands shook and he fumbled with the front door key. I reached out and steadied his hand with mine and heard his sharp gasp as our bodies came into close contact. He smelled wonderful, a heady mixture of spice and musk. Definitely all man. I couldn't resist...I kissed the back of his neck and sucked gently on his ear. A moan escaped him and he lent back against my chest. I wanted to take it further but we were still standing in the hallway. I don't think Anthony's neighbors would appreciate us going for it out here so I pushed on his back and guided him through the door. Once we were in the living room Anthony seemed to regain some self-control and offered me a drink. Nodding that yes I did, I settled into the couch and feasted my eyes on him moving about. He was such a big guy but moved so gracefully and I admired his obvious strength and comfort with his own body. He caught me staring once or twice but I refused to look away. I wanted him to know how turned on I was getting. Blushing cutely he bought our drinks over and settled in the armchair opposite me. I hid my disappointment at his distance but I didn't want to scare him off by leaping on him. I could see the need clearly in his eyes but he stayed where he was. This made me unsure now. What did he want? I know what I wanted but the game plan seemed to have changed during our walk home. I really hoped he wasn't leading me on. I knew he was a little scared but damn it I had to find out what the deal was! Placing my drink on the coffee table I inched my way across the room and knelt before him looking him squarely in the eyes. "Ok Anthony, I need you to tell me what the hell is going on. I know you want me and I think I have made my intentions clear but it seems like you're beginning to have doubts." I made myself very unthreatening and just hoped he would snap out of it. A small frown wrinkled his brow and I knew he was struggling with a lot of emotion. "Oh fuck it!" he growled and slammed his drink down. Sliding off the chair he closed the distance between us in seconds. I almost moved away a little from the desire on his face. Without touching me, he captured my lips with his and I was instantly hard. His tongue probed my mouth gently and I ached for him to touch me. I reached out to pull him closer but he said "No. Wait. Let me do this my way ok.?" It was a question and not. He almost pleaded with me to let him take control. My breathing came in small pants and I nodded Ok. Moving his torso closer, only millimeters away he began a renewed assault on my mouth. I could not believe how turned on he was making me and we hadn't even touched yet! My cock was so hard in my jeans it was becoming painful but I let him have the upper hand. Little by little I felt his hands inch their way inside my shirt and my muscles quivered in response. His touch was so light but making me so hot I knew he realized what he was doing. Lifting my shirt higher to expose my chest he bought his lips to one of my nipples and sucked it. My back arched and I wanted to put my hands on him so badly. Moving to my other nipple he gave it the same attention until they were both hard. The tip of his tongue traced a wet line down to my navel and all the while his fingers were working their way inside of my jeans. He massaged my aching cock through my boxers until I thought I was going to scream. The combination of his mouth and hands was almost too much and I forcibly bought his face up to mine. He looked at me questioningly. "Aren't you enjoying this?" The look on his face made me sorry I had stopped him. "God yes I'm enjoying this!" I gasped. "And that's the problem. You haven't actually done a great deal and I am just about ready to burst. I know we have the whole night but this officially is our first time together and I don't want it to end too soon." I hoped that I hadn't hurt his feelings but I really felt connected to Anthony and I needed him to know how special he was to me. Realization dawned and he grinned at me proudly now confident in his abilities to turn me on. Peeling my shirt off he ran his hands across my chest and over my back. Leaning into me he whispered "God you're beautiful. You can touch me now if you want." If I want? Hell yeah I want! Barely controlling myself I took his shirt off too. I was desperate to feel his skin touching mine. My breath caught in my throat as I really looked at him. He truly was magnificent. Broad and cut but not over done. Just perfect! Kissing the pulse beating in his neck I moved to my hands to his chest, mimicking his movements over my body. Roaming over his back and feeling the muscles jump and quiver was wonderful! I unzipped his pants and found what I was looking for. My mouth watered at the thought of getting my lips around his hard cock. He was circumcised and I ran a thumb over the head causing him to moan with pleasure. His hand found me and gave me the same treatment and soon I was leaking pre come everywhere. We were both gasping for air and I knew if he kept touching me I would come so I lent away and bent to remove his pants and underwear. Doing the same thing to myself and there we were in all our glory! I smashed his body against mine and kissed him passionately. I knew he was trying to regain the dominant position and I felt him struggle to push me down to the carpet. Letting him have his way we landed with a thump and continued our exploration of each other. He sat on my chest and pinned my arms above my head grinning slyly. I swallowed hard and wondered what he had in mind. Bending slowly he crawled down my body. Moving his ass crack against my cock causing my hips to move on their own. He laid his full weight on me and began to move his pelvis, grinding our bodies together. By now I was moaning so loudly I was worried about waking someone! All at once his mouth engulfed my hardness and I nearly lost my load then and there! I yelled out before I could stop myself and drew my hips up to meet his mouth. His tongue danced across my shaft and forced its way into my slit. Bending my knees up as far as they would go he sucked and nibbled his way to my ass. I thought I was going to loose my mind! By now I had pretty much lost all control of any dignity I had left and was moaning like some wild animal in heat! Anthony pushed the tip of his tongue past the ring of muscle in my ass and fucked me with it as hard as he could. His hand took up where his mouth left off and I was headed to oblivion quickly! Gasping out "condom" I pointed to a small box on the coffee table shelf. Giving me a first class view of his hot ass Anthony crawled over and fished out a condom and a small tube of lube. Surprising me and not for the first time tonight he rolled the condom over me with agonizing slowness. My eyes rolled back in my head as I fought not to come. Adding some lube to his fingers he sat back on his haunches and I watched as he slid two into his ass. Ok now that was hot! Watching him pleasure himself was mind blowing and I practically bellowed at him to take me! Grinning like a fool he moved up and eased himself down on me. Sweet Jesus...It wasn't going to be long and I would be over the edge. My fingers pinched his nipples and squeezed his ass as I encouraged him to take me deeper. Finding a good rhythm we started to rut like animals. He pounded up and down on me, sweat pouring from his body at the exertion. I knew I was close and I wanted us to come together so I matched the movements on my cock by pumping his. I could feel his ass clench tightly around me and I tried to say something, anything but I was beyond words. Anthony's head rolled back and his eyes were shut. God I was so close. In seconds I was there. Yelling at the top of my lungs I unloaded huge amounts of come into the condom. My hand clamped down on Anthony's cock and he roared as his hit my chest and chin. The world grayed out for a minute and I thought my heart was going to explode. Anthony lost control of his muscles and he slumped to the floor bending my cock uncomfortably inside him. I shifted a little and he slid out along with the gallons of come encased in the condom. I peeled it off and wobbled my way to the trashcan. Stopping at the fridge I grabbed us some water and sat beside him. Anthony lay there with his eyes closed looking like the cat that ate the canary. My heart skipped a little. I think I love this guy. I knew it was nuts. I knew it was way too soon but the heart wants what it wants. Pouring a little water into my hand I trickled it onto his heaving chest making his skin shiver. He looked at me with such a deep intensity that my breath caught. Placing his hand on my face he drew me in for a long slow kiss. I smiled. "Wow!" was all I could come up with. Pretty original huh! He glanced over at the door to his bedroom. "Wanna snuggle?" Ok well that was it. I was in love! At last a guy who didn't roll over and sleep when the fucking was over. Not trusting myself to speak I nodded and dragged him up against me and we made our way to his bed. He moved me onto my side and spooned against me. His breathing slowed almost immediately and I felt his body relax. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and it felt like home. Anthony* I lay there until I knew Shawn was asleep and carefully untangled myself. I had no idea how to handle what I was feeling. I knew I was falling in love with him but that's not what I "did" was it? I was very confused and I knew how late it was but I had to call Taylor. We were extremely close and I had always trusted his opinion about everything and I knew he wouldn't blow smoke up my ass if I was being a dickhead. I quietly went back out to the living room and dialed Taylor and Mike's house. After a few seconds one of them picked up. "This better be fuckin good and you'd better be fuckin dying." It was Mike. "Mike, its Anthony. Listen wake Taylor up please. I need to talk with him." Mike must have heard something in my voice because he woke Taylor immediately. "Hmm? Anthony is that you? What is it? Are you ok?" God bless him. No matter what, I could always count on Taylor. Before I could utter a word I burst into tears. I was mortified! Now I could picture Taylor sitting up in bed, worry all over his face. "Anthony baby...please tell me..What's going on?" I could hear the panic and I felt like a total shit. Trying to compose myself. " Taylor there's a guy here....actually it's "the"guy. You know Mr. Hero? I just had the most amazing sex in my entire life and even saying that doesn't do it justice. Taylor, I think I'm falling for this guy." Saying it out loud almost made me vomit. I started to tear up again. "Sorry I don't know what's wrong with me." I sniffled. I heard Taylor's exasperated sigh. "It's called having emotions you fool. Ok now you listen to me! I know you're freaked out and I know you don't "do" relationships but it seems like this time you aren't going to get a say. The decision is up to you but just think about this first. Nothing is random. There are no coincidences. He needs you just as badly as you need him and you have just got to give up trying to control everything. If you let this guy go and don't give you two a chance you're an idiot!" See, told you he wouldn't beat around the bush. I knew what Taylor was saying was true and I also knew that he would still love me even if I did something stupid but I didn't want to let him or myself down. "Ok darlin. Thanks for the advice and I love you guys! I'll let you know what happens tomorrow ok?" "Night handsome." Scrubbing my hands across my face I padded quietly into our bedroom. Stopping short I just realized I thought of it as "our" bedroom. Ok. Ok! I raised my eyes to the heavens. I give up...enough already! I stood for a minute to watch the beautiful man in my bed. His arm was thrown back over his head, his chest and torso only just being covered by the sheet. Yep. I loved him! I got back into bed trying hard not to move too much. Shawn sensed me there and snuggled back into my chest. Once again tears came to my eyes. Arrg! Emotions were a pain in the ass! I let myself drift off, praying that I wouldn't screw it up. Please, I whispered. Please let me not be an idiot. I need him to stay. Even thought I wasn't totally confident in our future together I was going to do my best to make sure we had one. * Surprisingly it doesn't end there. Stormy weather is just around the corner. I will try and get chapter four out as soon as I can. I am actually finding this a nice break from work so thanks for the comments and the encouragement! I may have another talent after all. Blessings Taylor. A Hero in Yellow Ch. 04 I truly appreciate all the great comments...thanks for the encouragement! I'll try not to let you down and make this chapter as good as the last...it's not actually me though Because I am just telling a true story so it's much easier but it's making the boys happy that you are Enjoying their tale so much! I have had a request to do more on my personal story of Wishful Thinking. I am feeling stuck because if I do it's going to get really dark and personal and I don't know how Appropriate that is for this site so please let me know what you all think. Blessings Taylor. * Anthony* It's been almost three months now since Shawn came into my life through what some may call and especially my friends, a divine intervention. I have found myself becoming a worrywart whenever he goes off to work. It's not that I didn't appreciate him before but now it was different. We were connected and I wouldn't know how to survive now without him in my life. See this is what I had been trying to avoid. I hated feeling anxious all the time and not sleeping until he came in the door after his shift and something I never realized that when he was on nights he would sleep when I was awake so it felt like we didn't see each other very much and I learnt to dislike night shift very quickly. But I had Taylor and Mike on my side supporting me and reminding me that it was all worth it. I was also learning that being with someone and actually living with them were two totally different things! I am sure some of my quirky habits drove him nuts too but some of his were down right gross! Like leaving his eyebrow trimmings in the bathroom sink and not collecting his toe nail clippings after he had finished. Ok enough complaining! He was the best thing that had ever happened to me and we both knew it so I just had to stop being such a baby and suck it up! They had moved my office a little further downtown while renovating the one that had almost burned to the ground. Often when Shawn had had enough sleep he would surprise me by stopping by with lunch or a coffee. I had never actually told anyone that I was gay but even blind Freddie could plainly see Shawn was my boyfriend. My secretary would often shake her head in frustration after he left because it took about 20 minutes to regain my focus enough to start work again. Some of the other guys would give me sidelong glances when I passed by and I guess I was the hot topic at the water cooler because they would stop chatting when I was near. It was all water off a ducks back to me. I didn't give a shit what they thought and to be honest I had never really liked most of them anyway. At night when Shawn and I were together we would have long talks about him moving up in his unit or changing things around so he would go up with the ladder which of course would make an already dangerous job even more so! I didn't want to stop him from trying or moving up but God just the thought of loosing him made my blood run cold. I knew from past experience that those particular conversations ended in arguments so I tried to avoid them all together. One evening after a really shitty day at work I was catching up at home and didn't hear Shawn come in. He must have realized that I was oblivious to him being there and quietly crept up behind me. Bending slowly he planted a hot kiss on the back of my neck. I nearly jumped out of my skin and only just avoided head butting him in the face! "Baby I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to freak you out." His quick reflexes had saved him. Taking a breath to steady myself I pulled Shawn into a long sweet kiss. "That's ok....I know a way you can make up for it though." I suggested, grinning wickedly. He got the hint right away and spun my chair around and sank to his knees. I was already hard like I often was when he was around so he certainly didn't have much to do to get me going. He enjoyed teasing me so I let him but what I really wanted him to do was just take me and make it hard and rough. That wasn't the way we normally did things but every so often I needed him to be forceful. He caressed my rock hard cock through my pants and tore my shirt open with the other. I almost yelped in protest because after all that was my favorite shirt! But what the hell I could buy more and his hands on me were driving me nuts! He drew my zipper down with his teeth and nuzzled his way into the opening in my boxers. I resisted the urge to grab his head and mash my pelvis up against it. I was moaning loudly by now almost begging. Every time I tried to touch him he stopped so he was telling me that he was in charge. Pushing my pants down to my knees and my boxers right along with them, Shawn pulled me urgently from my chair, turned me around and shoved my head onto my desk exposing my ass. I was turned on beyond belief. He seemed to know exactly what I needed and was certainly doing his best to comply. I tried to keep small stash of lube and condoms around the house because we could never seem to keep our hands to ourselves. I could feel Shawn's body trembling against me and his heart was racing in his chest. Ripping the draw open he fumbled with the lube and squirted some on his fingers. Without warning he shoved three up my ass. I sucked my breath in at the invasion and hissed the air between my teeth. He almost withdrew them but I clamped my ass muscles tight and he was stuck. He lent in close to my ear. "Sorry. I got carried away. Do you need me to slow down?" I could hear the apology in his voice. "Slow down?" I almost screamed. "No for God's sake..Would you just fuck me!" I could hear him tear the wrapper off the condom and moan softly as he rolled it onto himself. I braced my elbows against my desk and felt the head of his cock press against my ass. I willed myself to relax as he pushed in deeper. I felt so wanton and sexy being "taken" at my desk! We both moaned with abandon as Shawn slammed into me. Drawing out almost completely, he would pause for a second and then ram back in. I was almost at the edge already and reached down to stroke myself. I could feel Shawn's movements becoming erratic and I knew he was close too. Laying his weight on me Shawn sucked at my ear lobe. "I'm so close baby. Come on...come for me." That sent me crashing into the abyss and I felt him right beside me on the way down. I drew him in as far as I could with my muscles and he pulsed within me. I collapsed on the desk and I felt Shawn soften a little and he slid out. I desperately wanted to sit down but I couldn't make my body obey. Sitting on my chair Shawn peeled the soggy condom off and threw it in the wastebasket. He then reached up to me and pulled me onto his lap to cuddle me close. As much as I loved having sex with him, I truly enjoyed the aftermath too..We would always reconnect by touching or snuggling and it was a wonderful way to drift off to sleep. I could feel myself relaxing and my body wanted to sleep. "Aww nuts!" Shawn looked at me quizzically. "What?" I waved the stack of freshly printed work in his face. "There's come all over my files. Crap! Well I'll just have to get up early and retype it all." Shawn giggled and collected me in his arms. "Come on...It's bed time baby." Moving as though I weighed nothing he deposited me on my side of the bed and then slid onto his. Groaning with contentment we settled into our usual spooning position and the sandman moved in for the kill. Shawn* A few weeks later.. I knew Anthony was going to be very hurt and very angry with me. I had made a major decision without him and it was going to be tough to get him to understand. We had already "discussed" my moving up in my company or changing my position so I got to do something different. Actually he talked and I just sat back and let him rant. I knew why he was so against me doing anything that would further put my life in jeopardy and I had reminded him once or twice that he knew what my job was before we started going out. I had been a fireman now for almost nine years and in all that time I had only had three close calls and we had lost two unit members. Realistically you have more chance of being mugged or run over but I just couldn't convince Anthony of that. The longer we were together the more I realized how stubborn he really was but also I loved him more than I thought was possible so seeing him so distraught and knowing I was the cause broke my heart. Going up to our apartment I hatched a plan to win him over. I didn't think it would work but it couldn't hurt to try. I knew I had beaten him home by at least three hours so I ran around to clean up and make a special meal. Yes I knew it was manipulative but this was so important to me and so was he and I just wanted to two things to mesh. By the time Anthony arrived home everything looked amazing. The table was set with candles and I had chosen his favorite CD for background music. The smells coning from the kitchen were mouth watering. I met him at the door with a kiss and a beer. I felt guilty at the pleasurable look on his face because he had no idea of my ulterior motives and he was enjoying the extra attention. I took his brief case and motioned him toward the bathroom. Taking the hint he went in that direction and I could finalize my evil plan. Ok not evil but I was having my doubts about carrying it through to the end. I set everything on the table and lit the candles. It all looked fabulous! I heard the shower stop and Anthony moving about in the bedroom. He looked like a little boy with his hair sticking up in all directions and a silly grin on his face. I pulled out his chair and he sat which allowed me to catch a whiff of his cologne. My plan almost went all to hell and I thought about throwing him down on the floor and having my way. I knew we were still in the "honeymoon" stage but my God I just couldn't seem to keep my hands off him. "Wow Shawn....this all looks so amazing! Why all the extra effort?" I could see something pass across his face. "Oh my God...It's not our anniversary is it?" Now I felt really bad. I wanted to tell him but not until after we had least eaten because I had the feeling that we were about to do more fighting than eating. "No...I just know you've been working really hard and I wanted to spoil you. Is that ok?" "Oh it's more than ok!" There was that cute silly grin again. Swallowing my guilt I raised my glass in a toast. "To us." Anthony responded and we set to work on the meal. I have to admit it was fantastic. We talked about general things and made plans for the weekend. I tried to convince myself that I hadn't told Anthony yet because I was waiting for the "right" time but I was just being a coward. Sighing with contentment we each sat back and rubbed our bulging stomachs. "I won't eat for a week." Anthony moaned and sent a smile my way. "That was really nice. Thanks baby." Rising from the table I took Anthony's hand and lead him to the couch. I snuggled him close and took a mental breath to prepare myself for what I was about to say. "Um hun?" Anthony stirred against me. "Hmm? What's up?" " I have something I want to talk with you about." Now we all know that when someone says that, it's not going to go well. I guess he heard the hesitation in my voice because he sat up and looked at me. Not waiting I plunged ahead. " I know that you get worried about me and I love you for it. Before we met I had already spoken to the captain about maybe changing my position in the unit. Well I stopped by there today and he told me that I could have the ladder if I wanted. And well...I said yes." Anthony didn't say a word. He just looked at me long and hard. I see the anger and hurt written clearly on his face. Desperate to make him understand I started to babble. "It's going to be ok...I promise. I know how you feel about all of this but I have wanted to change for a long time. I need you to understand. Please?" I almost took back everything I just said when I saw the tears in his eyes. Still he sat, just looking at me. I reached out to take his hand but he drew away. Rising slowly he made his way to the door. I went to follow but he looked me like I had never seen him do and it made me stop dead in my tracks. He walked out, quietly closing the door behind him. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I could feel the vomit rising in my throat. I barely made it to the bathroom and proceeded to throw up the meal I had just eaten. I expected him to be angry but it went far beyond that. I had stolen something from him. He had finally let his guard down and gave his heart to me and I had stomped all over it. Fuck! I was such a jerk! Anthony* I had no idea where I was going, all I knew was that I just had to leave. The only thing I felt was numb. Shawn said that he loved me but did he really? I would never do that to him...never...He knew how I felt about him changing positions in his job but he went ahead and did it anyway! I just wanted it all to go away. This is what I got for falling in love. It only confirmed my suspicions about relationships..Once you gave your heart to someone it was only a matter of time before they broke it. Wandering aimlessly I passed a liquor store. I could never be a hard drinker because I couldn't stand the taste of most of it but now was not the time to think about that. I bought something that looked strong and went off to find somewhere to get very drunk! I found a quiet park and picked an obscure place to sit. I didn't want to draw attention to myself or be arrested for drinking in public so the idea was to be invisible. I took the lid off and swigged the fiery liquid. My God it was bloody awful but even after one swallow I could feel it making my head fuzzy. Yes siree...this was the ticket! During my absence I guess Shawn must have called Taylor and Mike because they had organized a search party. I had no idea how long I was there for but the time they found me I was well and truly drunk. As I looked into their concerned faces I started to laugh hysterically.... They looked like people standing in front of those mirrors they have at the circus...You know the ones that make you look all out of proportion. Shawn knelt beside me and I took a drunken swing at his face. "Get away from me you bastard!" I tried to stand but only succeeded in falling over. I struggled against Shawn but once again he picked me up like I was a feather. I tried so very hard not to feel anything but mad and the tears came anyway. I could feel myself slipping into the darkness and welcomed it. Before I passed out I could see the pain on Shawn's face but I didn't care. If this is what happened when you fell in love then I didn't want to be a part of it. Sorry but I need to sleep. I will try to finish everything off in the next chapter. I hope you're all still enjoying it! Blessings Taylor. A Hero in Yellow Ch. 05 Hi everyone....This last chapter may be a little long because a LOT happens. If it's getting too big I'll break it down into another one. As you have already guessed the Boys are together but it almost doesn't work out that way. Blessings Taylor Anthony* Oh my God!!! Will someone please shoot me now! I tried to think quietly but even that hurt my head. I swallowed and grimaced..Yuck! Like the bottom of a birdcage. I struggled to change my position and my stomach rolled. Groaning like some dying animal I held my head on my shoulders before it could explode. I cracked one eye open and even though the curtains had been drawn, just the smallest amount of light hurt. I heard a door open and someone sneak in. The rustle of feet against carpet was almost too much to bare. I stretched out a clammy hand and begged to whoever it was. "Please...kill me now." I heard a soft chuckle and knew instantly who it was. I withdrew my hand like I had been burnt. It all came flooding back. The meal, Shawn's betrayal. At the mere thought of food I knew I was going to throw up...Probably for the hundredth time since Shawn had bought me home. I couldn't move! Oh well guess I'll just vomit on myself. Gentle hands held my head and maneuvered my face over a bowl. When I had finished, the disgusting mess was promptly taken away and a cool wash cloth placed against my throbbing forehead. "Anthony....? Baby....?" I heard Shawn's soft desperate voice. "Please forgive me." I actually really wanted to answer but opening my mouth for anything other than throwing up was just way too much effort. "Ok...I'll leave you to sleep. I'll be here when you need me. I love you." Drifting back off into the welcoming blackness, I wasn't going to think about what would happen when I woke. Maybe I'd get lucky. The Big Guy upstairs would take pity on me and just let me die in my sleep! It was dark when I woke again and I gingerly sat upright, waiting for my stomach to rebel but all I felt was a throbbing headache. I could just barely make out the room in the darkness and glancing to my right I saw a form asleep in one of the chairs. Judging by the way they were jammed in the chair it was Shawn. His tall frame was unmistakable. I sat for a while considering my options. I could be a total coward and just say "fuck it" and walk away, which in the past would have been my usual response but he had captured my heart and even though he had been careless with it, I knew he hadn't done it maliciously. That just wasn't Shawn's style and as hurt as I was even I could admit that. My other option was to be a grown up about it and work it out. That way was certainly more work but the reward would be worth it. Moving very carefully I went to the chair and knelt at Shawn's side. I reached up and moved a lock of hair from his forehead and stroked his cheek with my fingertips. He stirred and stretched and once again I was taken aback by his grace and beauty. "Hey handsome." Shawn was awake instantly, regret and pain written clearly on his face. He immediately began to apologize again. "Oh God baby...I'm so sorry...I'm." I cut him off with a finger to his lips. "It's ok.... Stop. I am still mad and hurt but I know this is important to you and I know you can't promise me anything but Shawn...please I'm begging you...be extra careful.Ok?" He lent in to kiss me and I pulled away. "No wait....I desperately need a shower and to brush my teeth but you could do something for me." Shawn sprang to his feet, eager to please. "I think I would love a cup of coffee....strong please...very strong." I rose to my feet and wrapped him against my chest. Yes taking the mature approach had its benefits! Shawn melted against me and I realized that he had suffered too. He was trembling with exhaustion and probably hadn't eaten since our fight. I gently guided him to our bed and he looked at me, confused. "You need to sleep. I can make my own coffee. It's my turn to watch over you." I smiled at his puppy dog eyes and scruffy chin. I knelt to take his jeans and socks off. As bad as I was feeling I couldn't help but be turned on by being this close and it took a lot of willpower to let him be. Watching him crawl contentedly into bed I knew it would take a lot more than one stupid fight to dent our commitment to each other. Shawn was almost asleep before his head hit the pillow and I whispered "sweet dreams" and quietly closed the door. Padding to the kitchen I set up the coffee maker and watched the city lights for a minute. I said a silent prayer of thanks for Shawn and I knew the future held great things in store for us. Shawn* The next few months flew by and all thoughts of our fight had been erased. I was thoroughly enjoying my new position in the unit and there was even a promotion in my future. I kept a lot of things to myself when it came to my job. I knew Anthony worried enough already and the ladder certainly put you more in the line of fire so to speak so when there were a few little ""incidents" I usually unloaded on Mike or Taylor. They let me decompress and even though they didn't totally agree with my methods they knew I had Anthony's best interests at heart. Anthony never came to the station because it made him uncomfortable so when he showed up I was instantly concerned. I rushed to his side. "What is it? Is everything ok?" My questions came out in a breathless whoosh. The smile on his face told me that all was ok and I relaxed. He glanced downwards and I followed his gaze. There in his hand was a picnic basket and I grinned like a fool. "What a great surprise! I knew I fell in love with you for a reason!" I picked him up and swung him around. Anthony whooped with delight and then a "ahem" broke us apart. I am sure we both went seven different shades of red. It was the Captain, trying to look stern but failing miserably. "So, you're the reason why my ladder man can't keep from smiling hmm?" His booming voice matched his body size. Anthony, as large as he was unconsciously moved behind me a little. "Sir, I'd like to introduce my partner Anthony. Anthony, this is the Captain." Anthony stepped around me and watched as his relatively large hand disappeared in the meaty grasp of my boss's enormous one. The Captain glanced at the basket and waved us away. "Well you're just about due for a meal break so go on up to the lunch room and bon appetite." Grinning like a couple of schoolboys we practically ran upstairs and began to devour the feast Anthony had packed. I watched as the food made it's way to Anthony's mouth and my cock twitched. Even watching him eat was sexy. Boy I had it bad! My desire must have been plain because Anthony smiled mischievously and purposefully began to eat in an erotic fashion. Licking drops of Mayo off his lips and letting little dribbles of water spill onto his T-shirt. His fingers brushed his nipples as he pretended to wipe off the spilled water. I lent in close and almost touched his lips with mine. "If you keep that up I'm going to have to teach you a lesson young man." I watched his pupils dilate at the thought of what I would do to him. He closed the gap between us and snaked his tongue out to lick my bottom lip. "Go on. I dare you." His voice went ragged with emotion. The risk of getting caught was enormous but that too was all part of the game. My boss was a forward thinking kind of guy but I am not sure how he would react if he walked in on us fucking on the lunch table! I wracked my brain for somewhere a little more private. The roof! We didn't go up there unless it was a company bbq or we had some major quiet days and wanted to catch some sun. Drawing Anthony against me I lead him to the stairs and pushed him through the door. The second we were out of view my hands were all over him. I practically ripped his shirt off and pinched at his nipples while my mouth found his neck. Regaining my senses for a moment I rasped out "Wait..Please tell me you bought condoms with you?" He looked at me like I was stupid. "Do you actually think I would encourage you on like this and NOT have packed condoms?" Reaching into his jeans pocket he pulled out a foil packet.He was right. I should have known better. Continuing my assault on his body we made our way to the roof without falling down the stairs. I threw the door open and carried him to one of the deck chairs we had set up for catching the rays. Without pause I pushed my body against his and my trembling fingers found his button and zipper on his jeans. We were both breathing hard and my aching cock strained at my work pants, becoming rapidly uncomfortable. While I was busy with his jeans, Anthony had managed to undo the buttons on my shirt and was nipping at my chest, which drove me nuts! He lifted his butt off the chair and I pushed his jeans and boxers unceremonisouly to his ankles. I gazed adoringly at his leaking cock and bent to lap at the moisture forming at the head. He was rock hard and little veins pulsed in time with his racing heart. "Tell me what you want." I whispered hotly against his ear. While Anthony tried to think coherently, I removed his jeans and boxers all together and my tongue found his puckered hole and lapped at it, breathing in his scent. His head went back and a low moan escaped his lips. "Please...please Shawn. I need....I need you inside me...Please!" He sounded so turned on which only made me want him more. I spat on a couple of fingers and eased them inside him. He growled loudly and his fingers wrapped themselves in my hair. I met his lips with mine and pushed my tongue into his mouth. All the while my fingers are buried in his ass, teasing his prostate. His moaning increased and I knew he was ready. I hurridly removed my pants. Sheathing my aching cock in latex I withdrew my fingers and in one smooth motion buried myself to the hilt. Anthony stopped moving and his breathing stopped for a few seconds. His hands fought for purchase on my back and his ass muscles drew me in and held me tight. "My God you feel fantastic Anthony! Tell me what you want baby." I could hardly form the words as I teetered dangerously close to the edge. Anthony's eyes went back in his head and I don't think he even heard me. His hands moved to my ass and pushed me in deeper. I lent in to kiss him passionately and his breath tickled my ear. "Fuck me Shawn...fuck me hard." I drew back a little to gaze at his face. His lips were swollen from our kisses and his chest heaved with exertion. I fell in love with him all over again. His cock was trapped between our stomachs and leaked copious amounts of pre cum which obviously felt great because just the smallest movement from me caused him to arch his back to get closer. I began to pound into him with long hard strokes and I felt myself getting close. Anthony's teeth bit at his lower lip and I knew he was almost there too. I moved back a little and straightened his legs against my shoulders, he moaned with pleasure at the change in position. I reached down to take his cock into my hand and milked him in earnest. "Shawn...I'm so close...Don't stop! That feels wonderful." I redoubled my efforts and took us both over together. I let loose with a loud yell and emptied myself into Anthony and I felt his hot come hit my chest and his ass clamped around me. Staying buried inside I let myself collapse against Anthony and reveled in the feeling of being so connected with him. His arms came around me and squeezed me tightly against him. "Have I ever told you I love you?" I could hear the smile in his voice. Before I could reply, the station alarm went off. Withdrawing quickly I peeled the condom off and started to run towards the stairs. Lucky for me Anthony stopped me. "Um baby...You'd better put some clothes on." I looked down at my nakedness and smiled sheepishly. "I mean I would love it if you went around naked but I don't think your Captain would appreciate it." I moved quickly, getting dressed in my uniform almost without thinking. Then remembering where I was, I stopped for a minute. I looked to Anthony for understanding. Reading my thoughts he waved me away. "Go. It's ok....Go do what you do....Just please stay safe ok." Bending to give him a quick kiss I ran to join my team. On the way to the fire I noticed the other guys looking at me funny. "What gives? What's the joke fellas?" I inquired. One of the guys, Thompson, touched his neck then made kissing noises. Still I didn't get it. I glanced towards the front of the truck at the rear view mirror. Comprehension dawned on me. There on my neck was one heck of a hickey! Glancing sidelong at the Captain I moved back to my seat. He turned to look at me. "That must have been one hell of a lunch break Hughes." Which of course brought forth loud laughter at my expense. Rolling my eyes and grinning I stared out the window, watching the world move by and wondering what our next job had waiting for us. Anthony* As I watched Shawn go, I sent up a little prayer for his safety and that of his team. It was becoming a little superstition of mine and I did it every time he left our apartment. I glanced around at the aftermath of our lovemaking and smiled. It was always like this with us. Hot and passionate and if I had anything to do with it, it would always remain so. I stood and retrieved my clothes and dressed quickly. I didn't know if they all went to a job or if someone stayed behind and I didn't want to risk being caught. There wasn't a trashcan so I hid the condom in a dead plant. That would be nice surprise for the person who changed out the plant! Leaning over the edge of the roof I could see the lights of the engine way ahead and the siren wailing almost sounded like crying. Not wanting to watch Shawn disappear in the distance I collected the discarded lunch items and went back downstairs. The firehouse was almost spooky in the sudden quiet and I wondered if the ghosts of dead unit members still lingered. I wound my way back to our building, taking a different route to put off going home to an empty space. I often enjoyed the stillness but this afternoon I wouldn't have minded some more snuggle time with Shawn. I caught the elevator up, unlocked the door and went inside. I dumped the lunch stuff on the kitchen counter and went to the sofa, promising to clean up after. Reaching for the remote I channel surfed for a while and finally settled on an old black and white western. I tried to keep my eyes open but soon found myself drifting off to sleep. What was that odd sound? My half-asleep brain couldn't recognize the insistent buzzing noise. It stopped for a minute and then started again. My cell phone! My phone must have still been on vibrate. What time was it anyway? I glanced at the clock. 9pm! I had been sleeping for more than five hours! I looked at the caller ID. I didn't know the number but answered anyway. "Yes? Hello?" I heard a scratchy voice on the other end. "Hello? Hello? Is that Anthony? Anthony Mills?" I could barely hear. It sounded like the person was talking through a windstorm. I yelled to make sure he heard me. "Yes this is he. Who is this?" I don't remember a great deal of the hurried conversation but what I did, went something like this. "Mr. Mills, this is Captain George Whalen calling from Shawn Hughes unit. Listen to me now ok. We had a building collapse on us and we lost a few unit members, Shawn was one of them. They were buried under the rubble but we dug them out. They're all on their way to Harbor View." I don't think I passed out but I know my knees gave way and I sunk to the floor. "Mr. Mills? Anthony? I don't know what his condition is but you need to get there now ok. I'll meet you there as soon as I get things wrapped up here." There was silence as he hung up. Somehow Taylor and Mike arrived, I guessed I called them? I couldn't string two words together so they took charge. They got me into a sweater and shoes and bundled me out the door to a waiting taxi. I don't think I took one breath on the way to the hospital. I knew that Harbor View was where all the critical cases went and most often they didn't make it. Taylor held me close and rubbed at my body to warm me up. My teeth were chattering and I shook all over. Shock I guess? It felt like sleepwalking as we moved through the corridors to the ICU. Every where I looked there were other firemen. Some I knew and some I didn't. Most were black with ash and all had that lost sad look. Nurses hurried by all with important jobs to do and I felt like screaming at them to help Shawn! I have no idea how much time when by but soon three doctors in blue scrubs walked tiredly towards us. Everyone went deathly quiet. One of the doctors acted as spokesperson. "Who is Captain Whalen?" The Captain broke through the others and stepped forward. "I'm sorry sir but we lost two of the three that were brought in." He looked at his notes. "A Jack Gibson and Marty White." A woman standing in the corner collapsed and sobbed hysterically. Wait! I thought. What about Shawn? The doctor answered my silent plea. " Shawn Hughes, the other fireman is in critical condition. It's going to be touch and go for the next 48 hours. If he makes it through he has a 50/50% chance of recovery. He sustained some pretty substantial spinal injuries but we won't know more until a few days." The surgeon hung his head in exhaustion. He looked around the room with bloodshot eyes. "I'm very sorry." He walked slowly away, taking my hope with him. I felt the room spin and all the blood rushed out of my face. Taylor caught me just in time to save me from hitting the floor. He rocked me against his chest as I sobbed silently. "Shhh. It's all going to be ok baby. He's a fighter. It's all going to be ok." All I could think was that I wished I had that kind of optimism. This is going to get way too long so I'll end it here and write more later. I won't spoil the ending but I will tell you that it does all work out in the end, just not the way you expect. Also the only real names I used are ours. The other firemen who passed have made up names to respect their privacy. Blessings Taylor. A Hero in Yellow Ch. 06 I have to say a little something first. I don't usually let silly little comments like the last negative one bother me but that's a real person you're talking about. Someone who puts their life on the line every day so dick heads like you can walk around safe. So next time you want to put something down, think twice and act like a decent human being. Ok..I'll get off my soapbox now! I think this will be the last chapter but not sure. You'll just have to read and see! Blessings Taylor. Anthony * I don't know how long I sat there on the floor with Taylor holding me but I think I was waiting to wake up and for it all to be just a nightmare. I realized that I didn't know if Shawn had any family. We hadn't ever talked about them so I guess I just assumed he didn't have any. Taylor assured me that his Captain would take care of informing his next of kin. Mike came over and scooped me off the floor and placed me in a waiting chair. I had to steel my heart against loosing Shawn. I wouldn't let myself totally loose control and bring on any public embarrassment. Shaking my head at my own stupidity I couldn't believe I was still holding on to my old ways. What was wrong with freaking out? I certainly had every right to! The one person whom I let all my guard down for was lying in ICU and would quite possibly die and here I was worried about making a fool of myself! I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up. It was Captain Whalen. "He's going to be ok you know. He's been in plenty of scrapes before, although never quite like this. He's always managed to fight his way back so don't give up hope son. Give him some credit." I could see the tears starting to well in his eyes and had the feeling that he didn't believe his own speech. "I need to go be with the other families but you have my number if you need anything and I've told them to keep me posted with updates." I nodded my understanding and managed a weak smile as he moved quietly away. It was so quiet and most of the other firemen had gone..Home to their families I guessed but some from Shawn's unit refused to leave for which I was very grateful. They were still black from the fire and a nurse came over with some scrubs for them to change into and ushered them off to clean up. Mike and Taylor sat close together holding hands and I longed to touch Shawn like that. "Anthony." Taylor nudged my arm. A nurse appeared and asked, "Are you Anthony?" I nodded yes. "Mr. Hughes is starting to wake a little and is asking for you." I jumped up immediately and started towards the door to the ICU. The nurse grabbed at my arm to slow me down. "Wait. I need to talk with you first. He looks...different from what you may expect. There are tubes and machines to monitor his heart and breathing plus his chest and torso are badly burnt so there are a lot of bandages. He will be able to hear you so talk to him and you can also hold his hand." I swallowed hard and willed my legs to keep moving. Taylor and Mike were right there beside me. "Do you want us with you?" I looked at them both. I was so incredibly lucky to have them in my life. "No. I think I can do this. But could you wait around for a while?" I turned and followed the nurse in and tried hard not to look at the other patients. There were no walls only curtains and families were sitting around bedsides holding hands and some were weeping. They looked at me as I walked past. I saw sorrow and a certain kind of kinship in their glances. We were the chosen ones. The ones who had to sit and wait and pray that it would all work out ok but not quite believing that it would. My breath caught in my throat and came out as a sob when the nurse led me over to Shawn. As big as he was, he looked so frail in that bed. His chest and stomach were covered in bandages and the nurse was right about all the tubes and monitors. "God give me strength." I whispered. I sat on the hard chair and took Shawn's hand in mine. It was ice cold and lifeless. I only just managed not to scream out my despair and rage that life was so bloody unfair! I looked into his face, silently begging him to wake. His face was swollen and bruised but still so beautiful to me. One eye fluttered open just a little. A very small groan escaped Shawn's lips. The hand that I had been nearly crushing came to life and squeezed back. Maybe his injuries weren't as bad as they thought? I held onto the small scrap of optimism I had left. I lifted his hand to my lips and kissed the knuckles. Standing slowly I lent in so he could see I was here. "Hey there baby. I'm here and everything is going to be ok." I winced at the lie. Well as far as I knew it was going to be ok! Shawn squeezed my hand again in what I hoped was understanding and drifted off. A nurse stopped by to top up his pain drugs and checked his dressings. Some had started to ooze a little and she mentioned she would come back with new ones. "Anthony?" I looked around and saw Taylor and Mike hovering near by. "We're going to get some coffee and I'll run back to the apartment real quick and grab some of my clothes for you to change into." Not waiting for a reply they left as quietly as they came. I guess Taylor knew I wouldn't be going anywhere soon and he was right! They would have to drag me out kicking and screaming. As long as Shawn was here then I was too! I laid my head on the bed and held his hand tightly. I let my mind wander off to our future together and all the things we still had left to do. It was then I made a deal with the Big Guy. Still keeping my head down I began to talk quietly. "Ok here's the deal. If you want someone then take me. I know that Shawn's no angel but he's certainly been more useful to have around than me. See here's the thing. I love this man more than any other person I have ever known so please, I'm begging you take me instead." I let myself cry then too. It was hard not to regret the time I had wasted hiding my heart from love. If I had been more open to the possibility then maybe Shawn and I would have met sooner. I knew it was a silly pointless game but I felt the need to torture myself. I needed to feel some pain too. I didn't hear the guys come back but I felt someone touch my back and rub my shoulders. Taylor bent down to whisper in my ear. "Will you be ok if we go? I have a shift in a couple of hours and I need to try and sleep. I will come back as soon as it's over." I knew Taylor was agonizing over leaving me but I also knew he had patients counting on him to do his job. I stood and wrapped both of them in a hug. I felt the tears coming again. "Thank you for everything you guys. I love you." My voice went hoarse with emotion. They hugged me and left. I felt so drained and my eyes were grainy from exhaustion. I resumed my post in the hard uncomfortable chair and let myself drift away. I jerked a little as a wailing sound seeped into my dreams. It took a few minutes but I managed to wake up enough to remember where I was. Someone had slid my chair away from Shawn's bed and propped me against the wall. It was Shawn making that horrible sound! I leapt to my feet to see what it was they were doing to him. One nurse stepped in to stop me from coming closer. In spite of the pain medication they gave him, changing the dressings must have hurt like hell! Every time they peeled away a bandage, a sheet of dead skin went with it. The smell was appalling and I felt my stomach heave. They cleaned the entire area with sterilized water and laid clean dressings on the burnt skin. I wanted so badly to stay but I also wanted to throw up. I ran down the corridor to the nearest bathroom and emptied what was left in my stomach from lunch earlier that day. Splashing cold water on my face I looked at myself in the mirror. "Stop being such a baby dammit! Shawn's hurting and probably scared to death and he needs you!" I muttered angrily. Finding courage inside somewhere I made my way back to the ICU. Before I went inside I cornered a nurse. I wanted some answers. She was going to give me that "I can only talk to immediate family" bullshit but the look I gave her froze those words in her throat. I wanted to know just how bad things really were. She told me that most of the burns were bad but not full thickness, which was good news. However he still could die from infection or shock. His back was another matter. They needed to wait until some swelling went down to run more tests but if they were correct with their diagnosis his spinal cord had been severed just above his tail bone. This meant paralysis from the waist down. I think I said something but I couldn't tell you what it was. Most of her words came out like the teacher in Charley Brown...Whah Whah Whah. Everything went kind of fuzzy and lost some color. The nurse guided me to chair and I sat heavily because my legs wouldn't stop shaking. My God! This is going to devastate Shawn! Being a fireman is all he's ever done. It was his passion and now it's been cruelly ripped away. The nurse retreated and left me to my thoughts. I rose unsteadily and went back to my vigil over Shawn. They could be wrong! Doctors made mistakes all the time my mind reasoned. I wasn't prepared to give in just yet. And if it was true then Shawn was going to need me more than ever and I was not going to let him down! Fast forward about a week* I rounded the corner of the ICU ward and heard a sound that was music to my ears. Shawn laughing groggily with Taylor and Mike. I grinned and wanted to dance with joy. It had been a little over a week since the accident and Shawn was recovering well from his burns. He would need several skin grafts and would always have scars but I teased him and said it would only add to his rugged good looks! The doctors hadn't discussed the prognosis of his back yet because they wanted him to be strong enough to cope with the news. The swelling had subsided somewhat and the scans and MRI had indeed shown us that his spinal cord had been severed beyond repair. So there it was. The end of his career. He was still drugged to the gills and lying flat on his back so he hadn't even mentioned his legs something which I was very grateful for. I knew if he had asked me if something was wrong I would have told him. He knows every time if I'm telling a whopper. Just before I got to his bed, his doctor caught up with me and drew me side. "It's been over a week now and he seems to be doing very well. Anthony we really need to tell him the truth about his condition. He's becoming more aware every day and it's only a matter of time before he guesses something is not right." As much as I didn't want this day to arrive I knew the Doctor was right. Shawn may have been high on pain pills but he certainly wasn't an idiot. And it was so hard to skate around the issue. I had been waiting for one of us to slip up and mention his back so this way it would be out in the open and we could finally deal with the aftermath. I followed him into Shawn's little cubicle and glanced at the boys. I shook my head ever so slightly and they both read the look on my face. This was it. We all moved closer around the bed and I took Shawn's hand. Shawn's eyes traveled from face to face. I looked to the Doctor for guidance as to how to proceed and he took charge of the situation. "Shawn. Do you feel up to telling me what happened in that building?" I wanted to step in on Shawn's behalf and protect him because I knew that he was being led towards a cliff and we were the ones that would push him over. Shawn's face creased in concentration as he struggled to remember what happened that day. He began quietly, his words coming slowly because of the pain meds. "It's all kind of fuzzy but I remember the apartment building was on fire at the fifth floor. It was well on the way when we arrived. I went up with Jack and Marty and we started to clear debris and check for survivors. The next thing I know the windows blow out and something fell on me and Jack and Marty disappeared through the floor. Wait, where are they? Did they make it?" We all looked at each other. No one said a word. Shawn's face crumpled and he began to cry. I looked hard at the Doctor, willing him to read my mind and put this whole thing off for another day. He saw me looking but ignored me. I bent and took Shawn's face in my hands. "Please don't cry baby." I begged. "I know you're hurting but you're alive. Try and hold onto that ok?" I kissed his bruised cheeks. "Shawn, I need you to hear me now." The Doctor started. Oh God, I thought. Here we go. "We are guessing that the "thing" that fell on you was actually part of a wall. We found particles of plaster buried in your skin. You have probably realized that you were burnt on your chest and torso. They aren't full thickness but most are bad enough to require extensive skin grafts." Shawn's eyes widened as he took everything in. I squeezed his hand tightly against my chest. I knew what was coming. "I have some more news to tell you," the Doctor began again. "We have done several MRI scans on your back and I can say with 100% certainty that your spinal column has been severed in your lower half. This means that you are paralyzed from the waist down." You could have heard a pin drop. No one moved or said anything. We were all waiting for Shawn's reaction. "Do you have any questions I can answer for you? I know this is devastating news but at least you survived. Two of your unit members did not." The Doctor waited for a minute then turned to go. "Please let me know if there is anything you need. There's more to discuss but I think I've given you more than enough to think about for now." And with that, he left. Still, no reaction from Shawn. Was this normal? I mean this is the first time I've been around when someone was told they would be in a wheelchair for the rest of their lives but he was being way too calm. Then everything went to hell. He sat upright and in seconds had ripped his IV's out screaming at us to "fuck off" and "go to hell." "We need some help in here." I screamed and tried hard along with Taylor and Mike to hold Shawn still so he wouldn't do himself more damage. Anger and shock had made him so strong and he tried desperately to get out of bed. Two orderlies and the same Doctor came running in. Shawn yelled and screamed at us as the Doctor gave him a sedative. It took effect quickly because I felt him go slack in my arms and his eyes glazed over. "You need to leave me alone. Get out of here." His words stabbed at my heart. I had no idea what he was going through and I knew he didn't mean it but it hurt all the same. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he slowly went under and then sleep finally took over. The room looked like it had been hit by a tornado. Antibiotic solution still dripped from the IV that Shawn had torn out, all the leads from the monitors hung uselessly from the machines and his chest and stomach leaked bloody fluid. The Doctor ushered us from the room. "You need to leave for a while and let us get him cleaned up. I'll keep him knocked out for a while now so his body can rest." He left us in the corridor. I didn't want to leave but I felt like I was going to fall over. I wasn't going to be of any use to Shawn if I was a zombie. So I let the boys convince me to go home with them. Looking in on Shawn once more we left to go home. In the taxi all of the events of the last few days hit me all at once and I sobbed like a baby. Taylor instantly wrapped me up in his arms and held me tightly against his chest. "It's ok Hun. You just go ahead and cry. When Shawn comes home, you'll just have to think of a new normal that's all." I realized the truth of Taylor's words. He was right. Our lives would still be just that, ours but we would have to learn to think outside the box. All I could was that Shawn didn't give up on us and let his anger and hurt overwhelm him into thinking that it just wasn't worth it. That's it for now. Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter to you all but my schedule has been crazy. I hope this one doesn't disappoint. Oh and to those of you, who emailed me and asked that I finish Wishful Thinking, I am going to give it a try. That's going to be quite a long story too. Blessings Taylor A Hero in Yellow Ch. 07 Okey Dokey...Here is the last chapter to this epic love story. I have to say I didn't expect this kind of wonderful reaction and neither did the boys so, Thank you! It makes me feel so proud and blessed to have them both to call my friends. Also it's great to see so many of my fellow "hopeless romantics". God Bless Taylor. Chapter Seven....the conclusion. Anthony* It has been almost two weeks now since we broke Shawn's soul with the news that he would be forever wheelchair bound. Every day I went to see him and every day he refused me. Slowly, little by little my heart was breaking into pieces and the hurt I felt was starting to overwhelm me. In an act of total desperation I actually crawled on my knees into ICU and begged him to talk to me. I held his cold hand in mine and pleaded with him to let me in but...nothing. So I settled for sneaking in while he was sleeping and watching over him like some kind of demented guardian angel. I wanted to know everything about his treatments and when his skin grafts would start. I must have driven the staff nuts but it was the only way I could be a part of it all. Taylor and Mike convinced me day after day to stick with it and not give up but I must admit that I was loosing hope. I have never cried so much in my entire life and I felt as though I were watching a movie with a tragic story line. The world went about its business and I was left stuck, a waking limbo moving neither forward nor back. There were times when I would just rage against God. Demanding to know why this had happened and why now? When I had risked it all and chose to let myself really love someone with all my heart. No answers came only the loneliness at night. One evening when I was once again sitting at Shawn's bedside it started to rain. Lighting lit the sky, it was amazing. A compulsion came over me to go out in the storm. Like I was being led by a force bigger than I was. Normally I would have scoffed at such a feeling but I just couldn't refuse this "request". Leaving Shawn and with no protection against the cold I made my way out into the driving rain. It hit my skin so hard it stung and my clothes were soaked in seconds. I wandered a few streets down to a small park I often went to after sitting with Shawn. It seemed to give me great comfort to sit and just let it all go. So that's where I found myself at almost 2am. Sitting under my favorite tree just "being". It sounds insane I know but I have never felt such peace before. It was like the storm was taking on all my hurt and desperation and turning it into something magnificent. I knew that things could not go on this way. I made up my mind to plead my case to Shawn one final time. I couldn't make him feel something different. The only person I had control over was me. Now don't misunderstand. The thought of everything between us being over tore my heart out but I didn't want the love that I felt for Shawn turning into something ugly and bitter. If things went on this way, that's exactly what would happen. Standing took all my strength and going back into that ICU ward was going to take maybe more courage than I had but I was going to try. As I walked back to Shawn's "room" people stopped to stare at the stupid man who went out in the rain. I am sure I looked slightly insane but I guess my determined stride kept everyone at a distance. Stopping before Shawn's bed I took a shuddering breath. His eyes were open but as was becoming normal they seemed to see nothing. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer of strength. I sat for one last time on the hard chair that had become my home over the past weeks. Shawn's hand was still lifeless but I took it anyway and brought it to my lips. Kissing each knuckle I pressed his palm to my cheek. "Shawn, I have some things I need to say to you. I don't know if you want to listen but for the sake of our love I need to get this off my chest." My voice wobbled and I had to stop and clear my throat. "Do you remember when you saved me from that fire? You were larger than life to me and even though you aren't standing you still are. I am in awe of your courage and your kindness and you have such an amazing capacity to see the good side to everything." "I believe that spark is still somewhere inside. You've just chosen to bury it out of anger and hurt. I know that I can't possibly understand what you're going through but when you hurt, so do I. Don't you see? We are one you and I." I had to walk away for a minute and find something to wipe my face and compose myself. A kind nurse handed me a towel and left us alone. I sat once more and vowed to finish what I had started. "Shawn, you are the first person I have been completely open with. I have never loved anyone like this before. So I am going to leave the decision up to you. Being here and seeing you like this is ripping my guts out. I am so desperate to comfort you that I am making myself ill. I will wait for as long as there is the hope that one day you come to your senses and let me in. It's up to you now." I thought I was going to vomit. I stood and looked at that beautiful face. I bent and kissed him. It was like kissing a wax statue. "You know how to find me." And with that I left. I made it as far as the door to the bathroom and sagged to the floor. God, what have I done?! Shawn* It took all my willpower not to take Anthony in my arms and beg for forgiveness for hurting him so badly. I was playing the coward, the victim and boy was I convincing! It was like I was testing the depth of his commitment to me and if he left I was right in thinking that he wouldn't stay. So I pushed him away with everything in me and still he came and sat with me. I knew he came at night when I slept. The nurses all told me they could not believe how devoted he was and what an asshole I was being. It was becoming so easy just to stay inside myself and absorb the pain. I was so angry at everyone. All those lucky bastards who could walk. What did they contribute to society? I was a fucking fire fighter for Christ's sake and what happens? I get my legs taken away!! I hadn't really cried since I found out about my injury. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop. I can be a stubborn son-of-a-bitch and once I have painted myself into a corner it's very hard for me to admit I was being a jerk. But this is Anthony we are talking about. He had such a big place in my life and in my heart and if it was indeed too late I don't think I could survive. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the images of Anthony leaving his heart lying open. So desperate for me to just talk to him or let him comfort me. I noticed that he had lost some weight and he looked as though he hadn't slept in weeks. I heard someone clear their throat. "Hi Shawn." Aww crap it was Taylor. Now I was really going to get an ass chewing. Taylor loved Anthony and was very protective of him. But now he was also my friend and I knew that as much as he might have wanted to choke me, he would torture himself over hurting my feelings. I saved him the trouble. "I guess you've talked with Anthony today?" I didn't pause long enough to let him answer. "I know....I am a fucking idiot. Taylor I don't know what to do. I am still feeling pretty sorry for myself but I can swallow enough pride to beg him to give me another chance." Taylor sighed with obvious frustration. "Don't you get it? That's not what Anthony wants. He doesn't want you to grovel or beg. He knows you're hurting Shawn. All he wants is for you to talk to him about how you're feeling and let him comfort you. That's all.... That's it." Taylor sat down and looked at me...hard. Like he was looking inside my soul. Searching for something. "Shawn, Anthony adores you. Do you know that when we thought maybe you weren't going to make it, he made a deal with God?" My eyes widened. "What kind of deal?" "He asked God that if there was a choice for him to be taken in your place. Now in the past Anthony has always been terrified of being hurt or vulnerable so the fact that he did that, tells me how much he truly loves you." I closed my eyes and absorbed that information. What had I done to deserve someone so incredible? I knew I had to do something but what? I couldn't exactly leap out of bed and go carry him off somewhere and make it all up to him. "Taylor, what do I do? I don't want to loose him." "Ok. I can ask him to come back because you have some things you want to tell him. I know Anthony, he'll come don't worry." Taylor bent and hugged me as much as he could with my bandages still covering most of me. "It's all going to be ok. You just have to be honest with him about what you're going through." Taylor winked at me and left. He was such a caring guy. Always wanting to keep the peace and mend bridges. So now I guess I had to lay here and wait and pray that he could convince Anthony to hear what I had to say. Anthony and Shawn* After I all but gave Shawn an ultimatum time seemed to slow down. I knew I did the right thing not only for me but also for us. I had even spoken with Shawn's Captain and asked his advice. He said that even though Shawn would no longer be able to use his body like he used to his mind and soul were still very much intact. "It may take him a while but he'll come back to his unit. They are his family. You haven't mentioned anything so I assume he hasn't told you about his?" I shook my head no. "He lost them..all of them in a car accident. It was one of the worst pile ups that freeway has ever seen. That's a lot of the reason why he became who he is. He knows what it's like to loose so much and doesn't want that for anyone." That took my breath away. I understood him more now. "I know he's being an ass now but that will all sort itself out. Just stick it out, you'll see I'm right." I saw it then. Captain Whalen was playing father to them all. He was such a huge bear of a man but I knew that he would give his life for his "sons". I shook his hand and thanked him for his words of encouragement. "You know how to find me. I'm here for both of you." That evening back at Taylor and Mike's place they were involved in an old movie while I stared out the window and tried to be interested in the world going by. I heard Taylor and Mike talking quietly and then suddenly Taylor stood and walked over to me. "Ok buddy let's go." I looked at him in confusion. "Wait. Where are we going?" "Well I spoke to a certain fireman and he needs to talk with you. Anthony you really need to hear what he has to say." A lump formed in my throat. So maybe this was it? He was going to tell me to go away once and for all? I looked at Taylor trying to read his face but he was so good at hiding things. I sighed and walked with him down to the street where he parked his car. He must have realized I was nervous. "Hey...it's alright. It's going to be ok." That gave me some hope. It was getting late and I hoped that Shawn wasn't sleeping yet. We stopped outside the main entrance to the hospital. I started to shake a little. Taylor hugged me tightly against him. "Just give him a chance. He's hurting and scared to death and the thing he needs most right now is you. And it will always be you." He let me go and shoved me gently out of the car. I bent down to look at him through the window. "You're kind of special you know?" Taylor blushed and ducked his head. I watched him drive away and made my way slowly to the ICU. It was so quiet and most of the patients were sleeping. All that could be heard was monitors beeping and the soft chatter of the nurses. I wondered how long Shawn would need to be here for. He was certainly past the critical stage and when his grafts started he would be moved to the burns unit. He still had such a long way to go before he could even leave the hospital all together and they still didn't know if they could stabilize his spine enough to hold his weight in a wheelchair. Still so many questions with no answers. We were going to have to get used to taking life as it came until things really settled down. I drew back the curtains of Shawn's space, he was asleep. Well I was accustomed to waiting so that's what I did. I let myself daydream a little about Shawn and I. God I hoped he would let me help him get through this but if his response was that he didn't want me around anymore then I would respect his wishes. It would kill me but I would give him what he wanted. Shawn whimpered a little and his eyes fluttered open. I stood and moved to where he could see me. "Hey handsome. Are you ok?" He looked happy and surprised to see me standing there. He smiled a little. "I'm ok. I just hurt. Nothing I'm not used to by now. So you spoke to Taylor?" I nodded yes. Shawn started to cry. Huge wracking sobs shook his body. My heart ached so much for him. I held him as much as I dared to. "Shh baby. You just go ahead and cry. It's ok. I'm here." After a few minutes his crying dwindled to quiet sniffles. "I need to say this ok so let me say it." I didn't say anything hoping he would realize he could speak freely. " I am so sorry about the way I have been acting. I have been a real asshole and the thing is I can't promise I'm not going to continue to be an asshole for a while. Anthony I am so angry right now but I'm working on that. I just need you with me and I know I can get through anything." He paused waiting for me to comment. When I didn't he continued. "I don't know how things are going to turn out and maybe I won't be the same person but I want you to know I heard you the other day when you talked to me about having a spark and being courageous. That Shawn is still there and that's the Shawn that's going to beat this." He stopped, out of breath and I knew his burns were hurting him. I wanted so badly to take it all away but I knew my job was going to be tackling one hurdle at a time. "Now it's my turn. Do you have any idea just how much I love you? When I thought you weren't going to make it, I made a deal with God to take me instead. I don't think I could make it without you anymore. But like you said we don't know what's going to happen so let's make one promise. Let's just do our best to be there for each other." Shawn looked relieved and gave me a small smile. God how I had missed that smile! A nurse came in just then to top up his pain meds. He felt so good that he even got flirty with her. "Ahhh...here's my favorite lady. The one with all the good drugs." She smiled coyly and injected the solution into his IV line. Shawn's body started to relax almost immediately and I realized that he was probably in pain all the time. This just took some of the edge off. His eyes became heavy and he motioned me to snuggle closer. Now this is what I had truly missed. The feeling of his body against mine. I didn't get on the bed but I rested my head on his shoulder and listened to him breath. He felt around and closed his hand around mine and for the first time since this whole nightmare began; his hand actually had warmth in it. Tears came to my eyes and I knew how close we had come to loosing all we had. And maybe some day we wouldn't be together but if I had learnt anything from all of this it was to never let a moment pass by without sharing something of yourself with those whom you care about the most. Shawn was asleep now so I moved a little to get more comfortable. I looked out the hospital window and saw the sun starting to rise. I had been here all night and no one had asked me to leave. I just loved those nurses! The sky changed from pink to orange and the beauty of it gave me goose bumps. I felt at peace now. I watched Shawn sleep and then looked towards the rising sun and sent up a prayer of thanks. I had all I needed and I knew how blessed Shawn and I were. The End. * So now I need to tell you all that has happened so far. Shawn's Department arranged for them both to get counseling and training on how to live with impairment like Shawn's. ( as far as he is concerned he is NOT disabled only impaired..stubborm man!) He is also now on a pension but is still with the Department travelling around to talk with other men and women who have an injury like his and giving them advice on how to look at life with different eyes. Anthony quit his job and travels around with Shawn. They are now officially joined at the hip and we had a wonderful "ring swapping" ceremony for them. Shawn also talks to school kids about prejudice and not letting your limitations stop you from living your life. As for me I am the richest person alive because I am blessed beyond measure with true friends. I am so glad you all enjoyed this little story and I hope it has inspired some of you to stop "sleeping" and get out there and really live. Blessings to you all. Taylor.