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Falling for Matt

By: icyblue



Normally I'd wake up regretfully, instantly turning over and trying to get back to sleep. Not today though. Today I was out of bed and on my feet practically before I had my eyes fully open. I felt giddy with excitement and could hardly wait for the day to get started. After a quick stretch and a glance out the window to make sure the weather suited my mood, I bounded down the stairs ready for my birthday breakfast. 

I must have been making quite a bit of noise coming down the stairs; both my parents were chuckling good-naturedly at my excitement. My mom was at the stove making the traditional pancakes just like she had every 20th of May for as long as I could remember. Dad was seated in his usual spot reading the morning paper. 

"Happy birthday, kid" he said giving me a warm smile with a glint in his eye. He hadn't called me that in ages, trust him to do it on my eighteenth birthday. It was undoubtedly his way of telling me that I may be an adult legally, but I still had a fair bit of growing up to do. 

Before I had time to comment, mom put down the spatula and came over to give me a hug. "Happy birthday, sweetie. Did you sleep well?" 

I hugged her back, mumbled my thanks and a quick; "I slept fine." I hated lying to my mom, and preferred to do it in an almost unintelligible way. I didn't feel too guilty about this lie though, it wasn't a big deal. I just didn't feel like explaining to her that it felt like I hadn't had a decent night's sleep in months. 

I kept having these weird dreams that stuck with me throughout the day. I'd forget all about them by the time I got to school, and then glimpses of them would pop into my head at the strangest moments. Sometimes it was difficult to remember what had actually happened and what had only been a dream. My best friend Matthew featured heavily in those dreams. It seemed that every night we did something new that I would never dare to attempt in real life. Never mind that I have a girlfriend, that I consider myself 100% straight or that Matt has never shown the slightest interest in guys; I could never do anything that would jeopardize my friendship with him. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep all this straight in my head; we were so close and so intimate in my head every night that I found myself about to reach for him disturbingly frequently. And it was becoming increasingly painful to hold back. 

At the same time, I felt more and more withdrawn from Jane. She was a nice girl, a good girlfriend, and I was sure half the guys in my class would kill to be in my shoes whenever we walked out the door hand in hand. God knows she hadn't done anything wrong and I hated myself for distancing myself from her, I could see that she had noticed and that it hurt her, but it simply wasn't something I could control. 

My thoughts finally back in mom's kitchen, my eyes fell on the stack of perfectly cooked pancakes and my stomach rumbled quite loudly. 

"Why don't you take a seat? I'm nearly out of batter here anyway. We'll eat in a minute." mom said without turning around; she was used to having a ravenous teenager in the house by now. 

"Want me to set the table?" I asked in a conscious effort to at least treat one woman in my life the way she deserved. 

"That'd be great." Dad's only contribution was to clear away his small mountain of newspapers so that there would be room for breakfast on the table. 

As we sat down to eat, dad asked; "Have you thought more about which weekend you want to go to the cabin?" 

"I dunno, I was thinking maybe the last weekend in June. I'll have to talk to Matt and see when it suits him." 

My family has never had a lot of money to spare, and with saving up for me to go to college they couldn't really afford to splash out on a proper present for me. Instead they had offered to loan me the car for a trip up to the family cabin for a weekend. With us having only the one car, and my dad and his four brothers and sisters sharing ownership of the cabin, I'd never been able to travel there by myself before. I used to love staying there when I was a kid, but since I hit puberty my patience with my parents seemed to be directly related to how much time I had to spend with them. Needless to say, trips to the cabin had become far less fun than they used to be. I was really looking forward to going back there with only Matt for company. 

"You're not inviting Jane along?" mom asked innocently. She was obviously trying really hard to be cool about my having a girlfriend and potentially being 'sexually active', and the only reason I didn't roll my eyes at her was my surprise over the fact that I hadn't thought to invite Jane at all. It never even occurred to me! 

"No, she's working in the store all summer to save up money for her euro-trip in the fall." 

This was true, but it certainly wasn't the reason she wasn't invited. I knew then that I should have broken up with her weeks ago. We weren't all that serious, but now I'd have to put it off for a while. I couldn't very well dump her right after my birthday; she would have gotten me a present, and unless it was a heat of the moment thing where we had a massive fight, dumping her simply wasn't on. 

"You better hurry up if you're gonna make it to school on time. Matt will be here to pick you up in 15 minutes." 

Surprised I looked at the clock on the kitchen wall, saw she was right and started wolfing down the rest of my pancakes. After washing down the pancake lump in my chest with half a glass of orange juice, I gave my mom a quick peck on the cheek on my way out of the kitchen. 

Finishing off my morning routine with brushing my teeth, I had literally just put my toothbrush back in the mug on the bathroom counter when I heard Matt pull up outside. I grabbed my bag and ran back downstairs to greet him. I made it to the front door before I realized what I was doing and slowed down. Matt's a patient guy and he always made it to my house with plenty of time to make it to school; I had no other reason for hurrying except for being excited to see him. Damn, better watch it. Feeling self-conscious as I walked down the drive to his car I silently reprimanded myself.

I was barely fully in the car before I was enveloped warmly in his arms. For a second I was both startled and ridiculously pleased. 

"Happy birthday, man!" 

Oh yeah, I forgot! Feeling a bit sheepish I said "Thanks." 

"How were the pancakes?" 

Before I could answer, there was a tap on the window. Mom was there holding a pancake wrapped in a paper napkin. Matt obligingly rolled down the window. 

"I thought you might like one." mom said simply, handing it to him. He grinned widely as he accepted the still warm pancake. 

"Thanks, Mrs Thomas!" he called after her; she was already heading back towards the house. 

Undoubtedly she was hurrying back inside partly because she was still in her bathrobe and didn't want to be spotted by the neighbors even though it covered her up more efficiently than most of her normal outfits. She was also careful about keeping her distance. She cared for Matt; he may not be her son, but he was my best friend and he had been ever since my first day of school. Knowing that life at his house wasn't all it was cracked up to be, she always tried to soothe some of the hurts she knew he carried with him, but she never hovered. She respected our privacy, and the fact that we had the most fun when it was just the two of us, so she stayed in the background making sure we both felt cared for. 

As he bit into the pancake, Matt let out a groan; he loved my mom's cooking. I had to close my eyes; the look of ecstasy on his face was too much. It felt like I had seen it only an hour ago and under very different circumstances. 

By the time I dared look at him again, most of the pancake was gone. I was about to reprimand him for not savoring it, but then I realized he was probably hungry. They had plenty of food at his house, but without a mom who took the time to make him anything, he frequently neglected to make himself breakfast. Matt was capable of taking care of himself, there had never been a need to call social services, but there were lots of little things that would go unnoticed by people who paid less attention than I did. His clothes were always clean, but hardly ever ironed. Most of the time that didn't matter; he was eighteen, nobody expected his jeans to have a crease. But although his clothes were expensive, he sometimes looked a little forlorn and neglected. Actually, considering his fierce independence and considerable inner strength, I suppose I should say he looked like an eighteen year old bachelor. A really hot one with fierce blue eyes, a wicked smile and a body to die for. I had to suppress a sigh just thinking about it and forced myself to keep staring out the front windshield.

We joked and chatted amongst ourselves in the usual manner on the drive to school. By the time we got there we were both in a pretty good mood, even by our standards. We had barely been on the school grounds for two minutes before Jane found us. My mood instantly took a slight turn for the worse. Jane didn't notice, but Matt certainly did. He looked at me quizzically and I could tell that I had some explaining to do. I instantly dreaded it; I hated lying to Matt even more than I hate lying to my mom. What the hell was I gonna say?

In the meantime, Jane's bubbly presence, well-wishes for my birthday and constant chattering served as a buffer. I knew I'd have the entire school day to figure something out before he could question me on the drive home. I've never been good at lying and my only hope was for him to take it easy on me on my birthday.

"Earth to Jake!" 

I snapped out of my worries and turned to look at Jane. "Hmm?" 

"I said, what time are you picking me up for dinner tonight?" Going out with Jane on my birthday was almost as much of an established tradition as the breakfast pancakes. 

"I was thinking six-thirty. You still have to be home by ten, right?" Normally I would have resented her parents for not making an exception for her curfew on my birthday, even when it was a Friday night, but this year I only feigned disappointment. She slid her arms around my waist and I let my cheek rest against the top of her head.

"Yeah, they still won't budge. I'm really looking forward to tonight; I can't wait to show you my new dress!" 

My heart sank as I noticed Matt taking off the same way he always did whenever Jane and I did or said anything too coupley. I pretended not to notice and said; "Well, in that case; I can't wait to see it." Jane visibly relaxed as I smiled at her as warmly as I could muster. It only made me feel like even more of a shit. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I was wrong when I assumed he'd question me about my cold attitude towards Jane on the way home. He hardly said anything at all. When I asked him about the trip to the cabin, all he said was "Are you sure you wouldn't rather bring Jane with you?" It was a normal enough question, but there was an edge to his voice that made me wonder if I'd done something to upset him. 

Too chicken to ask him about it, I just said "No, I was looking forward to it just being the two of us. Don't you want to go anymore?" 

"Of course I do." he said, sounding very tired all of a sudden. 

We pulled up outside my house shortly after. I just sat there for a minute, wondering why I felt so tense around him all of a sudden. "You coming in today?" He stayed at my house for a couple hours after school more often than not. 

"Not today." he replied, still staring straight ahead. 

"Did I do something wrong?" I blurted out. 

"What makes you say that?" 

"Well, you won't look at me for one thing." He let out a sigh and turned his head slowly and deliberately toward me. His eyes lacked all their usual warmth and all of a sudden my stomach was tied up in a cold knot of anxiety; I'd never seen him look at me that way before, so detached and unfeeling. 

"You should go and get ready for you date with Jane. If I came inside you'd only be late. She's got big plans for tonight and it would be cruel to keep her waiting." 

Clearly he knew something I didn't. Realizing he wasn't going to tell my anything more, I mumbled a dejected "okay." and slowly got out of the car. I started to anyway, but just then Matt grabbed my arm and pulled me back in for a hug. The angle made it a bit uncomfortable, but I certainly wasn't about to complain. Especially when it seemed to go on for a bit longer than normal; it felt like coming home. In the end he was the one who had to end the hug, just as he always was. 

I got out of the car and just as I was about the close the door, he said "Happy birthday, Jake." He sounded so sad that all the anxiety that had been alleviated by the hug returned instantly. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just closed the door and watched him drive off.

I met Matt on the very first day of school. None of the kids on my street were close enough to me in age that they took much notice of me, and consequently I didn't know any of my classmates. Before lunchtime, I had already cried twice and the third grade bullies had homed in on me with unnerving skills of detection. I was a loser and, before the first day of school was even halfway over, everyone knew it. I wasn't that small for my age, but these boys seemed absolutely huge. As they circled in on me, I fought the urge to cry. I was terrified and knew it was only a matter of time before the tears spilled down my cheeks again. All of a sudden, Matt was just there. He didn't even have to say anything to the four boys who had been spending the last ten minutes looking forward to making the little kid cry. His very presence was enough to make them back off and look for easier prey. He quietly took my hand and walked me over to a table in the corner and we ate our lunches together that day and every day after. He was never one for talking much and it took me a while to get to know him properly, but he made me feel oh so safe and protected.

As I locked myself into the quiet house, I wondered how I had come to depend on him so completely for my sense of security and how I was going to cope with that after graduation. Even though we were planning to go to the same college, eventually things would have to change. Mom and dad still kept in touch with their friends from high school, but at their age that meant seeing each other once every few months and sending christmas cards. I couldn't see how that was ever going to be enough for me regarding Matt. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dumping my backpack on my bed, I noticed that my shirt smelled faintly of Matt still. Sniffing it, I felt my cock jump to attention. Having actively fought to keep it under control all day, it didn't take much to get me going now that I no longer had to put all that effort into keeping my fantasies and feelings secret. I quickly pulled my shirt off so I could smell it more easily. Holding it up to my nose I savored the smell of his cologne and the slight trace of the scent that was purely and simply Matthew. With a groan I got my cock out and starting stroking it slowly. Out of habit, my mind instantly went back to the night on the beach two years ago. 

It was a night for firsts; it was the first time we got drunk, Matt fucked a girl for the first time, and I saw him naked, properly, for the first time. At the time it didn't give me much more than a twinge of painful jealousy, mostly it just got me hot watching him fuck Lucy's brains out. It had started as a double date on the beach. We had a little bonfire, ate marshmallows till we felt sick and topped it off with a bottle of vodka that Matt had brought from his dad's liquor cabinet. Jane drank too much, way too quickly. She spent a good half hour throwing up, before passing out. It was clear she wasn't going to wake up until her hangover made sleep impossible. While I'd been in the bushes holding Jane's hair back and making sure she didn't pass out in her own sick, things had progressed nicely for Matt. 

When we got back to the bonfire, Matt and Lucy seemed to be trying to suck each other's faces off. His hand was under her shirt, fondling her tits. Jane just lied down in the sand facing the other way, too sick to notice anything. For a while I tried to give them some privacy, to look away, but soon Lucy's moaning was so insistent that my curiosity got the better of me. I peeked at them from the corner of my eye and felt my jaw drop. Lucy's skirt was up around her waist, her legs spread wide. Matt was kneeling between her milky thighs, positively going to town on her pussy. Thrusting two fingers slowly into her while sucking on her clit, he was clearly making her feel good. My cock was rock hard by now, and I felt embarrassed for intruding on something so private. I looked away again. 

It didn't take me long before I was staring at them shamelessly again; Lucy let out an outraged squeal before moaning even louder than before. Matt was fingerfucking her intently now, and had started pushing a finger up her asshole as well. Flicking his tongue rapidly over her clit while thrusting his fingers into her ass and pussy, he pushed her over the edge. She tangled her hands in his hair, securing him in place and rubbed her pussy all over his face as she came with a stifled scream. She was barely done spasming before Matt had his cock out and aligned with her tight opening. He thrust his entire length inside her in one go, making them both groan with pleasure. "Fuck you're tight, baby" he said before kissing her passionately. 

I was past feeling embarrassed now. If they were too drunk to care that they were having sex right in front of me, why should I bother looking the other way? This was way too hot to pass up anyway. I sat there in the sand on the opposite side of the bonfire to them, stroking my cock to the pace of Matt's thrusts. It didn't take very long at all for Matt to get into a rhythm. He pumped in and out of her pussy with short, hard jabs and it seemed to be doing the trick. Her pussy was so wet I could hear it squelching from six feet away. Matt was thrusting so fast now that I could hear his balls slapping agains her ass every time he bottomed out. 

"Take off your shirt. I need to see those gorgeous tits of yours, and I'm sure Jake here would love to see them bounce as I fuck you." 

Had I heard him right? Was he putting on a bit of a show for my benefit? It would appear so; just as Lucy whipped her shirt over her head, Matt turned his head and winked at me. He didn't last much longer after that; it was his first time after all. 

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna cum. Ooooh God, damn that's it! Milk my cock with your pussy!" he moaned and did a few more hard thrusts into her before shooting his load deep inside her pussy.

Two years later, I still came the same time he did, this time to the mental image of his ass clamping up as he shot his load. I realized I had no idea what Lucy's tits looked like. Apparently, I was already back then too preoccupied with Matt's gorgeous ass, and the way he had wanted me to get off on watching them, to actually look at them properly. Still picturing his perfect ass, I shot my load into the shirt in my hand with a groan. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

I dropped Jane off at her house at ten, on the dot. "I had a really nice time tonight. And you really do look great." 

She had clearly put in a lot of effort into looking good for me tonight, and the result was stunning. Her auburn hair was curled and bounced sweetly whenever she laughed. Her dress, the palest pink satin hugged her figure perfectly, flaring out at the waist to accentuate her hourglass figure. 

She smiled and said; "The evening's not over yet. Come back in an hour and a half?" She didn't phrase it as a question, but couldn't help the question mark slipping in towards the end. She looked at me pleadingly, clearly not certain I would say yes. "I haven't given you your present yet." 


Falling for Matt



I gave her a quick kiss. "I'll be here, just don't forget to open the window." 

Her parents would have a fit if they knew how many times I'd snuck into their daughter's bedroom over the years. They were strict in regards to more than just her curfew; I wasn't even allowed in her room unless they were home and her bedroom door was open. Not that they had much reason to worry, Jane had never allowed me to move past some heavy petting. In the past I'd commended myself for my patience and for respecting her wishes. Lately I'd started to wonder if maybe I just wasn't as keen to get in her pants as a normal guy would. 

When she didn't bring me a birthday present to the restaurant I'd figured she couldn't afford one with her rather intense saving scheme for her trip. Maybe she figured a blow job would be cheaper. Or maybe she's a decent girlfriend who figured I'd want and enjoy that more than something she got me from a store. I felt disgusted with myself for thinking so little of her. 

Instead of driving home, I headed to Matt's place to wait for her parents to go to bed. I let myself in through the back door, closing the door softly behind me, and snuck down the hallway, not recollecting that his parents were out of town yet again until I was nearly at Matt's door. I knocked on his door as a matter of habit, not bothering to wait for his answer before opening the door. I'd done it hundreds of times before, but Matt still looked surprised. 

"It's been months since the last time you snuck in here. What's up?" He closed his textbooks and put away his homework. I sat down on his bed and leaned back against the wall. 

"Jane wants me to come around at 11.30. I thought I'd wait here with you. Is that alright?" 

He shrugged; "Yeah, sure. What do you wanna do? I've got a couple new episodes of Breaking Bad on my computer." 

I just said; "Sounds good." and started making myself more comfortable on his bed. Soon we were both on the bed next to each other in our customary manner, watching the flatscreen hooked up to his computer.

"So what did Jane get you for your birthday?"

"Dunno yet. That's why I'm going back there later." I felt oddly uncomfortable answering his question and kept staring at the screen, seeing nothing.

"Oh, right." He sounded slightly annoyed with me again. 

Feeling irritated all of a sudden I forgot my hesitance about the subject and demanded; "What is your problem? You've been annoyed with me pretty much all day!"

"Forget it. It's nothing." He just shrugged off my outburst as if it was something I did all the time.

"Do you have a problem with Jane or something?"

"I like Jane just fine. I'm just less sure you like her anymore. One minute you look like a five year old who's told to go to bed early just because she comes over to say hi and the next you're flirting with her just like always. You can't go around messing with people's heads that way! You're a better person than that, or at least you used to be until you started acting all weird. What's your problem with her? It doesn't look like you've been fighting or anything."

I let out a sigh, knowing full well that I could never tell him the truth. He's my best friend and in that moment my longing to tell him how I felt and to touch him was so strong it felt like physical pain.

"No, we haven't been fighting. She hasn't done anything wrong either. I've just had my eye on someone else for a while now. It's awful I know, but I can't help it. It's all I can think about, but I know nothing could ever happen there so I put off hurting Jane for as long as possible and in the process hurt her a little bit every day instead. I feel like such a shit."

To my surprise, Matt didn't yell at me or tell me what a dick I was. He just put his arm around me and let me rest my head on his shoulder. 

"It's tough, man, I know. But you gotta get your head straight before you head over there. If you take her virginity tonight while you're obsessing over someone else, or if you dump her next week, she's gonna hate you. Really properly hate you."

"That's not what she meant when she said she was gonna give me my present tonight, trust me. We're not at that stage. She's not ready. I haven't even seen her naked!" 

Matt was considerate enough not to express his surprise. He just sat there holding me. Fighting the urge to bury my face in the crook of his neck, I wished I could stay in the exquisite torture of his arms forever.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After I left Matt's house, I somewhat reluctantly headed over to Jane's. While I appreciated the truth in his warning, I probably would have been pretty excited if I honestly thought there was a chance I could get laid tonight. I hadn't lied when I told him I didn't think that's what she had in mind though; Jane was undoubtedly the most chaste eighteen-year-old at our school, one of the select few girls who remained virgins by choice, despite having the option to sleep with pretty much whoever she wanted. With her long slim legs, modest curves, toned stomach and breasts that were slightly unfair considering how careful she was about putting on weight, dating her hadn't made me more popular with the other guys in school; quite the opposite. 

Parking dad's car a little ways down the street and sneaking around the back of the house, I at last felt a flicker of excitement about the rest of the evening. If nothing else worked, I could apparently always trust the thrill of potentially getting caught to get my blood flowing. I soundlessly climbed in through the window; the three years we'd been dating had taught me invaluable skills if I ever decided to become a cat burglar. As I emerged from between the drawn curtains, I was immediately welcomed into her arms; she must have been impatient for me to get there.

She pulled me in for a kiss, tender but short. "Hi." she said, sounding almost shy. 

I gave her a kiss in return, only marginally longer than the first, and took a step back to look at what she was wearing: a tank top and some spotted flannel pajama bottoms. She looked adorable, and I felt more certain than ever that she hadn't invited me over for sex. She didn't exactly look like she was trying to be seductive. She took my hand and lead me over to her twin bed. We'd spent countless hours cuddling on it, and I felt myself relax a little. Say what you will about routine, I find it comforting. Soon we were cuddled up on the bed in our usual manner; her small body tucked into the side of mine, my arm around her, her leg over my hips. 

"I'm sorry, but you can't stay very long. Mom wants to go and visit grandma tomorrow, which means we all have to get up at six if we're gonna get there early enough to make it back by tomorrow night."

Quietly wondering why she would invite me over at all if she was gonna lead with that, I said; "Don't worry about it. I'm pretty beat myself." At least I didn't have to lie about my sleep deprivation.

"I guess you're wondering what I got you for your birthday, huh?" She propped herself up on her elbow in order to look me in the eye. 

"And? What did you get me?" I prompted when she hesitated.

"Well, I thought about it for a long time and I couldn't think of anything that you'd really like that would be in my price range. So I got to thinking about home made gifts and realized that would not only be super lame but you'd feel obligated to pretend to like it."

Realizing I'd dodged a bullet there, I let out an exaggerated sigh of relief and we both chuckled. "So what did you decide on in the end?"

"Well..." she bit her lip in hesitation. "I know this is something you've wanted me to do for a long time, I could never really work up the courage to try it. But I figured, it's your birthday, and it's your last birthday before I leave, so here goes..." She took a steadying breath and moved down my torso, working at the buttons on my jeans. 

"Are you sure about this?" Surely there must be something seriously wrong with my head. What kind of teenage boy asks his girlfriend that when she is in the process of getting in his pants? 

I briefly panicked; what if I couldn't get it up for her? I'd heard about guys going impotent from watching too much porn; nothing was kinky enough for them to get turned on anymore. I'd been going at it pretty heavily fantasizing about Matt. Oh god, she's gonna know something's wrong! I quickly pulled up a mental image of Matt's grinning face, replayed the sound of him groaning this morning as he bit into the pancake my mom brought him, pictured him bending over to tie his shoelace. It worked; my cock faithfully obliged me and became semi erect.

Jane, none the wiser about my mental imagery, stuck her hand in my pants, gently pulling me out into the open. This was a first for her, she hardly ever even groped me through my pants. In some ways she was lucky to have a boyfriend that might turn out to be gay; at least I never pressured her into doing things she didn't feel ready for. She started inexpertly stroking me, only the fact that the hand stroking it wrong, and not gripping tightly enough, wasn't mine kept my dick from deflating. Hers was the first hand other than my own to touch me like that. 

"Does that feel good?" she asked me, looking me in the eye practically pleading for praise. I let out a groan for her benefit and told her; "Yeah, baby, but here; this'll feel even better." Guiding her hands I got her to gently fondle my balls with her left hand while her right slowly got the hang of stroking my hard on. Soon, my breathing was genuinely more rapid and I had to suppress the urge to moan. 

"This wasn't all I had planned for tonight though." she said before leaning down and hesitantly licking the drop of pre-cum off the tip my cock. It lurched at the contact and instantly got considerably harder; I finally had a boner I didn't need to feel ashamed of.

"For the love of god, please do that again." I gently put my hand on her head while unashamedly begging for more. "Please suck me!"

She obligingly did just that. Letting her lips slip over the head of my cock and about a third of the way down she was soon licking my shaft, sucking her way back up every ten seconds or so. I had expected her to be more squeamish about the taste of my pre-cum, but I certainly wasn't about to complain. She kept fondling my balls the whole time, and I was only saved from blowing my load too early by the occasional graze of her teeth against my sensitive flesh. She clearly knew enough to try to avoid it, but she wasn't experienced enough to make sure it never happened by accident. I was having a great time, but I could tell she was only doing this as a favor to me; she really wasn't into it. I decided I might as well try and come quickly, put her out of her misery so to speak. The blowjob felt great, knowing that it wasn't enjoyable to her didn't. 

A couple minutes later, I felt myself getting nearer. "Baby, I'm gonna come soon." She took that to mean that her job was more or less done. Pulling her mouth off my cock with one last suck, she crawled back up to the top of the bed and kissed me. She kept fondling my balls, but let me finish myself off. It was more difficult than I would have liked, and I had to resort to my secret stash of Matthew fantasies to get there in the end. I was barely done spasming, and certainly not finished coming down from my orgasmic high when Jane slipped out of bed. 

"I'll go get you some tissues to clean up with." I almost felt as if the decent thing to do was to pay her for her services; she got nothing out of what we just did besides the feeling of being a good girlfriend. Had she always been this cold, or had I treated her so badly she didn't feel anything for me anymore? Fully aware of the hypocrisy and injustice of it, I still felt hurt. It's not as if I didn't have feelings for her anymore, and I had tried my very best to not only remain faithful to her, but a good and supportive boyfriend to boot. For all I knew, she could have fallen for Matt too. 

Oh god, what if that was it? What if there was something developing between the two of them? It could explain why Matt was so frustrated with me, and why he was so understanding when I told him I had feelings for someone else! I knew he would never have let anything happen between them, he was my friend and he would never betray me like that, but what if they fell for each other?

Just as I was starting to panic, Jane was back holding out some bunched up toilet paper. Thanking her, I took it from her and started wiping up the mess on my hand. 

I'd barely tucked myself back in and buttoned up my pants when she said; "You'd better go. It's getting pretty late, and I really do have to get up early in the morning." She clearly thought things were awkward now; I was too busy trying to breathe calmly to behave normally.

I mumbled; "Yeah" in response, barely remembered to kiss her on the forehead, and climbed out the window. Once safely outside in the cool evening breeze, I turned and whispered my thanks for tonight, wished her sweet dreams and a nice trip for the following day before stumbling back to the car where I sat shivering with a sickening sense of panic as I tried to keep from hyperventilating. Gripping the steering-wheel firmly, and breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth I eventually managed to calm down enough to drive back to Matt's house like an absolute maniac. Thank god the roads were practically deserted. 

I was already out of the car and on my way up the drive before I got my phone out to text him to check if he was asleep. He was, but not anymore. Using my key, I let myself into the enormous house. He met me in the hallway, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and his boxers. His hair was tousled and his forehead wrinkled in confusion. He looked absolutely gorgeous and my heart gave a painful squeeze even as my stomach contracted into a cold, hard lump of anxiety.

"What's going on? Did something happen?"

"Is there something going on between you and Jane?" It came out sounding angrier than I had intended.

"No, of course not! What makes you think that?" His eyebrows shot up in surprise, and he sounded genuinely shocked, but I didn't feel reassured. He could tell I wasn't going to believe him that easily. 

"Jake, what's going on with you? What happened at Jane's tonight?"

"I didn't sleep with her if that's what you're worried about." His phrasing had only made it worse; it sounded like he had been asking himself that all night, wondering what we were doing. Now, I really was angry.

"Dude, what's gotten into you? This afternoon you were going on about breaking up with her, telling me you're into someone else and now you're jealous because you think I'm after your girl. Make up your mind!"

Before I knew what I was doing, my hands grabbed hold of his t-shirt and I was shoving him roughly against the wall. Pinning him there, not letting go of his shirt I had no choice but to shout in his face angrily, my only other option was to break down crying hysterically.

"I see what you're doing, and I'm telling you now; this is not okay. If you touch her, you and me are done!" I couldn't think of anything else I could say without telling him the real reason behind my outburst, so I just stood there for a second, slightly out of breath and blushing furiously. I wished I'd just gone home instead; I was closer to breaking down in tears than ever and his words had failed to soothe me. I was shocked to realize that this was a first for us, he always, without fail, made me feel better when I needed it. I couldn't look him in the eye, so I looked away and slightly unsteadily took a step back. I felt like such a sissy.

His hand gently touching my shoulder came as a surprise. "Jake, relax. I would never consider any girl you've been involved with fair game. Especially not one you've dated for this long, and certainly not while you were still with her. You really don't need to worry about this; even if I did have feelings for Jane, which I don't, it wouldn't matter because she is always going to be either your girlfriend or your ex. Either way she is completely off limits."

My shoulders sagged with joined relief and exhaustion, and I leaned my forehead against his shoulder. My hands were no longer pushing him against the wall; I was practically clinging to him. His arms came around me and he just stood there quietly, his mere presence comforting me as the burning in my eyes overflowed and leaked into his t-shirt. I heard him let out a soft sigh. Unsure if I'd outstayed my welcome, I pulled myself together and stepped out of his personal space.

"Sorry about that. I don't know what got into me; I know you'd never go behind my back like that."

"It's alright. What happened tonight?" he asked gently.

"She gave me a pity blowjob cause it was my birthday." I couldn't look him in the eye as I said it; I'd never been shy around Matthew before and it felt fundamentally wrong, but I couldn't help it.

"How do you know? Did she say anything?"

"She didn't have to. She wasn't into it at all, just going through the motions. After I finished myself off, I almost felt as if I should pay her."

"Hell no! If she didn't finish the job herself, she didn't earn it." I barely cracked a smile at that.

"Seriously Jake, you're starting to worry me. What's going on with you? And why did tonight make you think something was going on between Jane and me?" he said, putting his hand on my shoulder as if to keep me from walking away before he could get an answer out of me. Apparently he didn't have faith that I would just be honest and open with him anymore.

"Talk to me, man. You never wanna hang out anymore, we've barely had a proper conversation in weeks, you've lost weight and you look absolutely exhausted, every day. Frankly, it hurts me that you won't talk to me about your problems. That was always the way we worked; you got upset over something and I made you feel better."

While I debated what and how much I should tell him, he took my silence as another rejection and got a bit angry.

"I feel like you're punishing me for something I didn't do! And I know I didn't do anything wrong because I've been obsessing over this for two months now. I need you to tell me what's wrong!" 

His anger dissipated as quickly as it arrived and by the end of his little tirade he was pleading with me. As he stood there, looking at me with those incredible puppy dog eyes, I realized he was right. I may be enough of a shit to hurt Jane, but I couldn't stand it if my silence was hurting him too.

"Fine," I said, walking past him into his bedroom. This sort of admission wasn't something I felt up for while standing in a dark and cold hallway. I sat down on his unmade bed and felt a stab of yearning as I was enveloped in the subtle scent of him permeating the bedroom. I forced myself to stare at his comforter as he followed me into the room; if I looked up I would be in danger of outright ogling him. Once he was seated on the bed, I felt myself close to chickening out and took a breath. 

"You know how I said I was into someone else? That someone is a guy."

He blinked in surprise; whatever he had been expecting me to say, that wasn't it.

"Are you bi?"

"Not sure. On the one hand, I don't drool over guys left, right and centre, just this one. On the other, I probably haven't been trying to get in Jane's pants as hard as I should. And let's face it, that girl is hot. If I'm not into her, I'm probably not that into girls in general. I'm not sure my feelings for her were ever what they should have been, it's hard to think straight about these things and know for sure what my feelings were in the past. It's not like I've kept a journal and I have no idea what it's supposed to feel like so I have nothing to compare myself to."




Falling for Matt



"You've been struggling with this for months, haven't you? What made you think you couldn't come to me with it?" Apparently my silence and lack of openness still stung him.

"It wasn't that I wanted to keep it a secret from you. It was more like the minute I told you about it, it would be for real. No backing out."

"So what changed? Did I push you too hard to talk to me?"

"No, not at all. I guess I realized those feelings aren't going anywhere, so it would be stupid to try and not acknowledge them any longer. It doesn't make that much of a difference at this point, whether you know or not." Just cause I hate lying, doesn't mean I'm shit at it.

"So, you gonna tell me who it is?" he asked while playfully elbowing me in the ribs.

"No!" That came out louder than I intended it to.

"Oh come on! I wanna know could possibly be so hot that he can make you switch teams. Is he gay?"

"I seriously doubt it. I've seen him with lots of girls over the years. He's been single for a while though. Not that I'm getting my hopes up or anything." I said, unable to keep my despair completely out of my voice.

Matt put his arm around my shoulder, just like he had so many times before. At least he isn't a homophobe; I had no reason to worry about him being disgusted or pulling away from me. I knew he was going to be there for me, just not in the way I so desperately wanted. I doubted he would be as understanding if he knew that it was him I was obsessing over. One sided feelings like that have the uncanny ability to make things awkward even for people with more straightforward relationships than Matthew and me.

"How long have you been keeping an eye on this guy?"

"It's someone from school, obviously, he's kinda hard not to notice. So even though I haven't been drooling over him for years, I've always known who he is." I was starting to get worried about telling him too much. Our school is pretty big and there are plenty of potential candidates, but what if I let something slip?

"Oh my god! Is it that Marcus guy? Even I can tell that he's pretty delicious."

"No, it's not him."

"Good; he's a total dick." After a short pause, he said; "You need to break up with Jane."

"Yeah, I know. I'd do it tomorrow, but she's going to visit her grandma. Guess it can wait till Sunday. I should head home, it's getting late." Reluctantly lifting my head off his warm shoulder, I went to get up. So far I'd managed to dodge the question of why tonight had made me upset that something might be going on with Matt and Jane, and I wasn't keen to stick around until the topic came up again.

"You could stay here, you know. The guest bedroom is still made up for you, even if you haven't used it in ages." Maybe it wasn't just him taking care of me; it looked like he'd missed having me stay over even if it only meant that there would be someone sleeping just down the hallway.

"Thanks, Matt. I can't tonight; I have to get the car back to dad. He needs it in the morning. How about we take that trip to the cabin next weekend instead of waiting till July?" I had no idea how I was gonna make it through a whole weekend with no one around but him, but I was excited all the same. Being around him was exquisite torture these days. It didn't matter either way, I needed him to feel like things were back to normal with us.

"Yeah, sounds good." He looked a little forlorn sitting there curled up in his bed. I reached over for a hug and told him I was sorry for being such a shit. He waved it off and walked me out. 

Still feeling guilty for my behavior and for leaving him alone in that cold house, I said; "You doing anything tomorrow?" When he shook his head, I told him; "Good, then you're coming over to my house for dinner. Mom's been pestering me to invite you." She hadn't, but she'd love having him over again. He chuckled at my bossiness, but didn't object. 

Driving home, I wondered why Matt didn't have more close friends. He was a good guy, funny and intelligent. Okay, so I might be a little biased, but I honestly couldn't think of a single reason people didn't just flock around him. The two of us stick together mostly. We have friends we talk to at school, people we sit with at lunch and people we go to parties with, but mostly it's just the two of us. Obviously that had changed a little when I started going out with Jane, but I had made the same accommodations for Matt's girls before. His relationships normally didn't last as long as mine and Jane's had though, and I wondered if he'd felt left out. I knew for sure he'd never have told me if he did, not so long as he thought I was happy. 

What would he have done tomorrow night if I hadn't told him to come over to my house? What had he done all those weekends I had felt too conflicted to hang out with him? Surely normal people don't hurt the people they love as categorically as I seemed to these days.

Arriving home, I stumbled into bed. It was late and I was utterly exhausted, but too keyed up to fall asleep right away. I lay there consumed by self-loathing and guilt, only managing to calm down by promising myself I'd make it up to him. As usual, his face was the last image in my head before I fell asleep. No wonder I was immediately plunged into a dream where his eyes were looking up at me adoringly as he worked my boxers down over my hips.

Groaning, I raised my hips to help him undress me. He grasped me in his hand, his touch feeling infinitely better than Jane's had earlier. He licked my length, appearing to savor the taste of me, moaning slightly. This dream was different from the others though. Instead of lying back to let him do what he wanted to my body, I pulled him up to lie next to me. Cupping his face in my hands, I kissed him long and deep. It was a patient sort of kiss, but it got us excited nonetheless. 

"I love you" I whispered before turning him on his back so I could ravish him. He sighed contentedly and pulled me in for a close embrace. I kissed my way along his jaw and nibbled on his earlobe. As I kissed and gently bit my way down his throat, I slipped my hand into his boxers tracing the contours of his cock lightly with my fingertips, teasing him until he growled at me. Grinning up at him, I grasped him firmly and ran my thumb over his tip. Feeling my digit come away wet, I couldn't wait to taste him. 

Kissing my way down the smooth skin of his torso, I pulled his boxers down over his hips. Once they were out of the way, I settled between his legs. Teasing him shamelessly, I started lightly running my fingertips over the soft skin of his inner thighs ,at times almost brushing against his delicious package. He groaned in frustration and I chuckled. Deciding to put him out of his misery, I gently cupped his balls in my left hand and grasped his cock firmly with my right. He was oozing pre-cum and I could tell I was in for a treat. I lowered my head deliberately slowly and stuck out my tongue to lap at his excitement.

The door slamming shut further down the hall was enough to wake me up, but not enough to get me alert straight away. I wasn't sure if the groan I heard came from Matt in my dream or from me in frustration at getting cut short. The feeling of the dream stuck with me for a little while longer, the warmth, tenderness and incredible eroticism of it made me yearn to fall asleep again. My erection crying out for attention wasn't about to let me do that however, and I doubted my brain would be so obliging as to let me pick up where Matt and I left off. 

Wait, what? Had I told Matt I loved him? Fair enough it was only a dream, but I hadn't acknowledged to myself that things had progressed that far. I would definitely have to break up with Jane now, as soon as possible. With a sigh, I got up. It was only 7.30 and I felt like I'd barely closed my eyes last night, but there was no way I was gonna get back to sleep now. Might as well go jerk off in the shower, yet again. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

¬My Saturday consisted mainly of helping mum around the house for a bit and waiting for Matt to come over. Once he was in the door, it was obvious he'd missed hanging out here. As usual my reaction was an urge to pull him in for a hug, along with self-loathing for letting him down and anger at his parents for neglecting their only son for something as trivial as work. Mom waved off our offer to help out with dinner and we went into the backyard to enjoy one of the first summer days of the year. We spent some time catching up on the things that didn't naturally come up when we were hanging out at school. Before long, however, the subject of Jane could no longer be ignored and I wondered aloud at how I would go about dumping her. She hadn't done anything wrong and though she deserved an explanation I wasn't prepared to give her the real one. I'd only brought it up in the hope that Matt might have some helpful insights. Instead, he looked distinctly uncomfortable. 

"What is it?" I asked. 

"I don't know if I should tell you this." After a slight pause, he seemed to decide that he couldn't keep it from me after all. "I ran into Ashley while I was jogging this morning. You know what she's like; painfully obvious and so desperate to please me. I think she was just running out of things to keep talking to me about, but she said that she heard that Jane was seeing someone else." His words started tumbling out towards the end, like he was trying to spare me pain by telling me as quickly as possible.

"What?! Who?" The pain I was sure was coming hadn't registered yet, I was only shocked and fairly certain it wasn't true.

"She didn't say."

"I don't believe this. How would she possibly know if Jane was cheating on me? They're not exactly best friends."

"No, but Ashley is friends with Emma. Apparently Jane and Emma had a massive fight a couple weeks back and Emma no longer felt obliged to keep Jane's secrets." He looked like he was having a Sherlock Holmes moment.

"Jane never told me they had a fight. I did notice they weren't really talking to each other anymore though." I admitted; to my surprise the story was making sense so far.

"Think about it. Emma is one of the most easygoing girls we know, and Jane has been her best friend since they were four years old. Wouldn't you agree that Emma is more upset with Jane than the other way around?"

Not liking where this was heading, I simply said "Yes?"

"Think about it, what's the one thing that would get Emma so worked up that she wouldn't forgive Jane for weeks afterwards?"

"Well, I don't know!" 

"It's obviously to do with Steven!" Matt was still waiting for it to click in my head.

"Jane's step-brother?"

"Yes! Emma's been pining over that guy ever she met him at Jane's dad's wedding."

"Are you seriously saying that Jane's secretly seeing her own step-brother?" I was back to feeling disbelief now. 

"Yeah, well... It's not like it's illegal, just very inconvenient if and when they break up. Except..." he looked hesitant again.

"What?!" I was losing my patience now, if Matt knew the full story why wouldn't he just tell me?

"Emma wouldn't resent Jane this much if she had just fallen for him. Emma would probably just conclude that Jane would have to feel pretty strongly about him if she was willing to date someone that inconvenient."

"So, are you saying you don't think they're together?" Sensing a window of hope and feeling hopelessly left out of the loop, I was now so worked up I thought I might puke.

"I'm saying I think they're just sleeping with each other." Studying his hands closely, Matt gave me a minute to take it all in. 

"But she's a virgin." My uncertainty made the statement come out as a barely audible whisper. 

"We don't know how long it's been going on, if I am right about this. It makes sense though. Their families would never go along with the two of them dating. Him being almost five years older than her is the least of their issues. What if she had you both to serve separate purposes?"

"I guess that makes sense, except for the fact that you've obviously forgotten that this is Jane we're talking about! She would never do that." The bile was rising in my throat and I knew I'd have to make a run for it to the bathroom soon if it didn't stop.

"Hey, you know I like Jane, but people cheat all the time and it's not like it's stamped on their foreheads. I'm not saying that she definitely did sleep with Steven, just don't assume that she didn't."

"I need a minute." I said before rushing to the bathroom to retch. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The rest of the day passed in a blur of emotional turmoil; I felt angry, but I was less sure who I was angry with. Matt tried to distract me from my noticeably bad mood by planning for the trip to the cabin. It cheered me up marginally, but it felt a bit tainted now. Life hadn't been smooth sailing for the past few months, but at least I'd felt like I was the one in the wrong. Now, one of the people closest to me had upset me, only time would tell who it was; Jane for cheating on me or Matt for making horrible and unfounded allegations. I was on edge and more eager to talk to Jane than I had been for ages. What would I say to her though? So, I hear you've been screwing your step-brother silly, any truth to that? Hardly. 

I let out a distracted sigh and Matt seemed to realize he wasn't going to succeed in cheering me up. He didn't stay long after dinner, and once he left the now familiar feeling of guilt was back. Today was supposed to be about us getting back to normal. Instead I'd been totally distracted by the potential infidelity of a girlfriend I'd admitted I wasn't overly keen on keeping around anyway. 

I texted him to let him know that I had taken his suspicions on board, that I would try and look into it and that I was sorry for letting it ruin the day. He replied ten minutes later: "It's fine, you're allowed to be upset when someone says something like that about your girl, even when you're about to dump her..."

Matt might be giving me an out, but I didn't feel justified to take it. It was only 8.30, so I decided to pull myself together and ask him if it was okay for me to come over. I didn't have to wait long for him to reply; "Sure, if you feel up for it."

Grabbing a couple of DVDs on the way, I was out the door less than a minute later. I had my own toothbrush in the en suite of my usual guestroom, so I was pretty much set even if I decided to stay over. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When Matt opened the front door for me, I noticed that he looked like he'd aged several years in just a few months. He looked tired and even a little sickly, his skin was paler than usual and his eyes a little dull. While I may not have noticed before, I felt certain he'd looked that way for a while. 

"Are you okay? You don't look well." It had only been about an hour and a half since he left my place, so apparently I didn't feel the need to greet him before fretting over him. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just haven't been feeling great lately. I'm sure it's nothing." He shrugged it off and simply started walking towards his room.

I wasn't convinced that he was telling me the full story, but lately there so many things had been going unsaid between us that I felt like I had to let it go. "I brought a couple movies, but I thought we could plan for the trip some more." 

"I'm kinda tired, maybe we could just watch a movie tonight. We have all week to make plans."

"Sure, pick one." I said as I jumped on his bed. "I thought you said you were going to get a couch in here."

"Why? Is my bed not comfy enough for watching movies? Mom and dad don't want to buy any new furniture right now, apparently they wanna sell the house and move into an apartment closer to town once I move out." He was facing the TV, but I could hear the strain in his voice even without seeing his facial expression.

"They'll still keep a bedroom for you, won't they?" The fact that I even had to ask says a lot about what his parents are like. My own parents would never lay plans for the future that didn't involve me as much as possible; his were a completely different story.

"I'm sure they'd like a pretty big apartment, but if they find one they like that doesn't have enough room, I'm not sure they'd pass it up just to keep a spare bedroom for me." His shoulders slumped a little at the sting of potential parental abandonment. The fact that his parents didn't love him enough for him to be sure they'd want him around must be more painful than I could ever properly comprehend. 

"I'm sorry, man. You know you can always stay with us when we both head home for the holidays if you need to."

"Thanks," Matt shrugged, slipped a DVD into the player and came to sit next to me on the bed. While he fiddled with the remote, trying to find some way to skip the annoying previews and piracy warnings, I decided to stop being a coward.

"Are you sure you're okay? What's been going on?" I felt genuinely worried.

"It's nothing, I've just been getting a little dizzy lately. I'm sure I'm just tired, I haven't been sleeping well."

"And you haven't seen a doctor about this?"

"No, it's really not that bad. I don't need a doctor to tell me that I need to go to bed earlier."

"But you haven't been staying up later than usual, have you?"

"No, I just wake up a lot. Besides, I don't see you going to the doctor about your exhaustion. You look even more tired than I feel."

"Thanks a lot. But the difference is that I know why I can't sleep properly."

"Because you're crushing too hard to relax?" He looked like it took a lot of effort not to tease me.

"Yeah, pretty much." This was getting embarrassing quickly.

"I think I'm a little jealous. I haven't felt like that for a while" The DVD menu finally appeared on the screen and he started the movie. We'd seen it before though and I wasn't about to let the conversation die out.

"What's up with that? You haven't shown much interest in anyone for ages. Did Amy mess you up that bad?"

"She didn't mess me up, I dumped her! It's got nothing to do with that. I sort of fell for someone way out of my league and no one's been able to measure up since. I don't really see the point in dating someone just for the sake of it." He said it with no agenda, even though I'd basically admitted to doing just that with Jane. 

I didn't know what to say, he noticed. "Hey, I didn't mean to imply that there's anything really wrong with that. You made the best out of the situation you were in and you've been a good boyfriend to her. You don't need to feel bad."

"I haven't been a good boyfriend to her though, not lately."

"And yet, you've probably been far nicer than she deserves..." he retorted gently.

"I don't want to talk about that till I know more." I said and returned my attention to the movie. I heard Matt sigh and couldn't tell if he was frustrated with me or just the situation. We watched the movie in silence. Eventually the tension slipped away and I could finally relax. 

At some point, I must have fallen asleep. I woke up feeling groggy and realized my head was resting on Matt's shoulder. His cheek was resting against the top of my head and his deep breathing indicated that he too had fallen asleep. Too comfortable to move, I gently snuggled a little closer and just reveled in the moment until I fell asleep again. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A slamming car door woke me early the next morning. For a minute I was disoriented and a little confused. It was a first for me, waking up with my head resting on Matt's shoulder, curled up next to his warm, solid body. 

It was an immensely pleasant start to the day, and it only got better when I realized that Matt must have woken up at some point; the TV was off, but he hadn't woken me and told me to head down the hallway to my usual bedroom. Instead he must have helped me lie down so I wouldn't get a stiff neck. His bed may not be very narrow, but it certainly wasn't big enough for the two of us to sleep on it without touching. The faint possibility that he had somehow had a hand in my current position made my heart give a squeeze. Still wearing my jeans, I didn't need to worry much about him noticing my morning wood even if he did wake up. I simply smiled happily and snuggled a little closer. 




Falling for Matt



Despite it being early in the morning, I felt more rested than I had in a long time. Daring a quick glance at Matt's face, I thought he looked as if he was deeply asleep. Perhaps he'd gotten a better night's sleep than he usually did as well. I almost chuckled when I thought I could offer my services as a bedwarmer for him if it meant that he'd get some rest. The fact that I'd get to snuggle up to him was of course only an added bonus that couldn't be helped.

I was yanked out of my playful train of thought when he stirred. Please don't wake up, not yet! Thankfully, he didn't. He simply put his arms around me and let out a, to my hopeful ears, contented sigh. It was the single happiest moment of my life, only tainted by the knowledge that it would only last as long as he remained asleep and unaware. Joy seemed to radiate through my body to my very bones and I ached to run my hands over his body. An hour or so of blissful torture later, I fell asleep again. 

When I woke up, I could hear the shower running and Matt was no longer next to me in bed. Hoping things wouldn't be awkward now, I decided I would just pretend I'd slept through the night. Just as I was starting to worry about what he thought about how we'd spent the night, I heard him singing to himself in the shower. I smiled and relaxed back against the pillows; if he was singing in the shower he couldn't have minded too much. Deciding it would be easier if he didn't catch me cuddling his pillow, I forced myself out of bed and headed downstairs.

I'd barely sat down at the table with a bowl of cereal when Matt joined me. As he grabbed a bowl for himself, I noted that he looked like he had indeed gotten a good night's sleep. It pleased me immensely. Feeling daring, I said; "You look like you slept well."

"Yeah, I did." he replied simply, giving me a small smile as he sat down across from me. "So, Jane's back in town today. Are you gonna go talk to her?"

His question prompted the abrupt departure of my appetite. I pushed my bowl away, sighed and said; "I suppose I should just get it over with."

"Are you gonna ask her about Steven?"

"I don't really want to, but I know it's gonna bug me if I don't. And what if she is sleeping with him, and I dump her because I'm into someone else, and then I'm the bad guy. I'm not sure I could deal with that if I was wondering if she cheated on me."

"I wish there was something I could do to help."

"I know." 

There wasn't much left to say after that, and I got ready to go home after we tidied up our breakfast things. At the door, Matt gave me a quick hug and told me it would work out one way or another.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Are you dating Steven behind my back?" Oops. I'd planned to ease into it slightly more elegantly than that. 

Jane's jaw dropped in surprise; clearly she wasn't used to being accused of dating her step-brother first thing in the morning as she answered the door.

"Do you wanna come in and maybe keep your voice the fuck down?" she hissed.

I followed her to her room, she was so pissed I could feel it coming off her in waves. I was starting to seriously doubt that there was any truth to Matt's allegations. My own anger was disappearing quickly, intense discomfort replacing it. Oh well, no one ever said breaking up with someone should be a pleasant experience. 

"What did you hear and who did you hear it from?" she said once she'd closed her bedroom door.

She wasn't strictly allowed to keep her door closed when I was there, but there was no chance we were having this conversation with the door open. We were more likely to scream at each other than tear each other's clothes off anyway. 

"Matt heard from Ashley that you were seeing someone."

"And you figured you'd just come over to my house and accuse me of dating my own step-brother?"

"Not exactly. I didn't mean to bring it up like that, but Matt figured that it would have to be about Steven, one way or another."

"And why is that?" She sounded pretty exasperated. 

"Because Emma is still pissed at you." I didn't know how much I could say without getting Matt in trouble. 

"Yes, well that's between Emma and me." 

"So, you're saying that there's nothing going on between you and Steven then?"

She looked distinctly uncomfortable. 

"Right, I guess we're done here." I said quietly and made to leave.

"No, wait. I haven't cheated on you. I just told Emma that I didn't want her to make a pass at him either. I can't help it, but it would make me kinda jealous if they hooked up."

Throwing caution to the wind, I said; "And you're sure that's all there is to it? Cause Matt was pretty convinced that the only way easy-going Emma would be that upset with you is if you were screwing him."

"Well, Matt isn't always as clever as he likes to think. Just because you worship the ground he walks on, doesn't make him any more right." she said hotly.

"Fine, I believe you." Feeling slightly appeased, but knowing that I couldn't leave yet, I was uncertain as to how to proceed. I settled on sitting down by her desk. 

Sensing that our problems weren't resolved yet, she asked; "What is it?"

I let out a sigh and ran my fingers through my hair, I'm pretty sure I was stalling. "I want you to know that I'm sorry about accusing you like that. You're a nice girl and when Matt voiced his concerns to me it took some convincing before I was willing to consider it. You've been a great girlfriend to me and we've had some good times together. I'm sure you've noticed I haven't been a great boyfriend to you lately though." 

My hands had settled in my lap, and I was staring at them pretty intently for most of my speech. As I looked up at her, I saw that she'd taken a seat at the end of the bed. She looked expectant, as if she was going to get the answers to questions she'd been carrying around for a while. 

"I have been wondering what was going on with you. You never wanted to talk about it, so I let it go. If I'm honest, it kinda hurt that you wouldn't tell me." she admitted.

"I'm sorry, it wasn't something I felt I could share with you. It was unfair of me to put it off for so long and I'm really sorry that I hurt you. If I could do it over again, I would have had this talk with you a lot earlier."

"Are you gonna tell me now though?"

"I suppose I kinda have to. I'm trusting you with this, even though you could really screw me over if you get angry with me after I'm done telling you."

"Thanks, I think..." she said and gave a little chuckle.

Taking a deep breath, I said; "Okay, here goes. I'm pretty sure I've fallen for Matt." 

"Oh." was all she could say in response.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen and I'm so sorry that I was too wrapped up in my own stuff to realize that I was hurting you. I know I was cold and distant, and you haven't done anything to deserve that. I hate myself for saying this, but I have to; please, please don't tell him. Or anyone else for that matter." I implored her.

"Of course I won't tell anyone. I'm just a little surprised is all." She certainly did seem surprised, I couldn't detect a trace of anger anywhere in her wide open eyes. Slowly her eyebrows started to settle in their usual place.

"Trust me; I didn't see it coming either."

"No, I didn't mean I like that. I just thought that you'd decided that nothing was gonna happen between you two ages ago. I always thought you loved him more than me, and that you'd settled for me because he's straight."

It was my turn to be stunned. "What? I've only felt this way for a few months." 

"It's not my place to tell you about your feelings, but you guys have always been really close and I've seen the way you look at him. Trust me, this goes way back. You may have been feeling it more lately for some reason, but I doubt that this is a completely recent development."

Seeing my confusion and increasing distress at her words, she came over and sat gingerly on my lap. I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her hair. 

"You must be the most understanding girlfriend in the world. I've been a shit boyfriend to you and here you are comforting me." 

She chuckled again and said; "I sort of feel better about everything now that you've explained it. At least now I know I wasn't always just someone you were with just because you couldn't be with him." 

I pulled back a little so I could look her in the eye. "You never were. Ever."

"Thank you." she replied and kissed me lightly on the forehead. "Maybe you should go talk to him about this."

"I can't do that. There's no way he feels the same way, and it would only make things awkward."

"He will have noticed you behaving differently too. You've been pretty withdrawn in general lately, I'm sure it's been hurting him too." she said gently.

I couldn't meet her eye as I said; "I told him I'd kinda fallen for a guy at school and it was messing with my head a little."

"Jake! You know that's not doing anybody any good!" she was using her kindergarten-teacher-voice now. I hate it when she does that; it always ensures that I feel like I'm in the wrong, which to be honest I usually am. 

"He's not going to thank you for keeping this from him. Shouldn't you respect him enough to make up his own mind about how to deal with this?"

"I respect and care about him enough that I want to spare him the awkwardness of dealing with unreciprocated feelings." I wasn't going to give in this time; there was no way in hell I was gonna tell Matt about this. 

"You know, for someone who hates lying you sure have been doing it a lot lately." she said evenly. 

Making a conscious effort to not get defensive and angry with her, I said in an embarrassingly trembling voice; "I'm trying to make the best of a difficult situation here." 

"I know, sweetie." she relented and gave me a hug. 

"Since we're being all honest and sharing... What is the deal with Emma and this whole Steven thing?"

She squirmed around a little before replying; "Well, at the wedding both Emma and I hung out with him pretty much the whole day. There weren't that many guests our age and it felt kind of appropriate that I get to know my new step-brother better. I think Emma and I both sort of fell for him that day. And we haven't been able to shake it since."

"Wow, didn't your dad and Ellen go to Greece for their fifth anniversary last year?"

"Yeah, so Emma figured that it was time I put it behind me seeing as I'm not dumb enough to try anything with him. She's been waiting for me to get over him so she can make a move. Finally she ran out of patience and we had a pretty big fight. She said I was unfair to deny her the chance to get together with him when I was in a long term relationship with you anyway." She sounded heartbreakingly sad.

"I'm sorry. You think you guys are gonna make up?"

"I don't know. It might sting her less now that you and I have broken up, but I doubt it'll fix everything."

"If it turned out he felt the same way about you, would you still hold off because he's your step-brother?" I asked.

"I'd like to say yes, but I doubt I have that kind of willpower." Jane admitted, before going on to say; "I still think you should tell Matt."

"Fine, how about this; I'll tell Matt when you talk to Steven about how you feel." I grinned, feeling confident that she'd never take me up on my offered deal.

"We're a sad pair, aren't we?" she said as she got off my lap. 

"Absolutely." I admitted. 

"Are you hanging out with Matt today?"

"I wasn't planning to. I just came from his place."

At that she raised an eyebrow and whistled jokingly. "Someone did the walk of shame this morning."

"Knock it off, I slept in the guestroom the same way I always do." I lied through my teeth. I was not about to put up with her teasing me for sleeping with Matt last night, even if it was only in the most innocent sense possible. 

"You could still hang out with him today, you know. I know you're probably dying to spend as much time with him as possible, and he's been lonely lately. I'm sure he'd appreciate it." She gave me a nudge.

"Well if you're that eager to get rid of me, I think I might just do that." Being handed permission, and a reason, to spend time with Matt, I wasn't going to turn it down. 

As I got up to leave I said; "I still can't believe how understanding you're being about all of this. Thank you for everything, and I do mean for all of it. We had some good years together, didn't we? Especially considering, you know..."


"We did. I was too good for you though." she joked and smiled sadly. 

I pulled her in for a hug, our last before the break-up settled over us and we felt distanced from each other. She put her arms around me and pressed her whole body against mine in the kind of warm, heartfelt hug only she could seem to manage. She always gave the best hugs; people talk about the importance of a firm handshake, but since knowing Jane I've learned to appreciate a proper, firm hug. Jane always hugged back actively, and it made the world of difference to the polite hugs that are endured and tolerated more than they are appreciated. I realized I was going to miss this, miss her. I hadn't expected that. 

As the hug ended, I felt daring and leaned in for one last kiss. She allowed it and kissed me back. It was a warm, dry kiss. Considering how chaste it was, I was surprised to find myself responding to her more than I had for months, and had to pull back before I got too into it. Not acting like an asshole seemed to require conscious effort quite often these days. I stroked her cheek gently and stared into her eyes silently for a second before leaving her house for the last time. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As I got into the car, I decided to take Jane's advice and see if Matt was up for hanging out today. I got my phone out and called him. Receiving no answer, I decided to drive over to his house anyway. It wasn't far out of my way and it seemed a little unlikely he would be up to anything. My assumption made me a little sad; his life seemed so empty sometimes. 

Parking on his street, I tried calling him again. Still no answer. Figuring he might be in the shower or something, I went around the back of the house and let myself in through the kitchen door. 

"Matt? You home?" I called out. 

That's when I noticed the carton of orange juice lying on its side on the kitchen counter, a pool of orange juice covering most of the countertop and extending to the floor. Stepping around the corner of the bench I spotted Matt unconscious on the floor.

"Matt! Oh my god!" 

I rushed over and kneeled in the bright yellow puddle next to him. Shaking him lightly seemed to do the trick almost immediately. I felt faint myself with pure relief. He opened his eyes groggily, but seemed to come to with surprising speed after that. 

"Can you hear me?" I asked, still a bit shaky.

"Yeah." he replied, his voice breaking on the single word.

"What happened?"

"I was taking out the trash and I felt a bit dizzy. I figured I might be dehydrated or something and went to get a glass of orange juice." He paused. "It must have gotten worse."

"Does it feel like you hurt your head when you fell?"

"Yes, can you see any blood?"

"No, but we're going to the ER as soon as you can stand up." I said firmly. "How are you feeling now?"

"I just have a headache from the fall, I think." he said. 

"Okay, why don't we try and get you to stand up?" 

Deciding it would probably be best to let him be in charge of his own body parts, I am in no way experienced enough to do anything but be in the way, I hovered just behind him, ready to grab him if he looked like he was gonna fall again. 

"Slowly now. That's it." I said encouragingly.

Once he was upright, I held his arm to keep him steady. 

"I should probably change into some dry clothes before we go." he said, sounding almost back to normal. 

"Yeah, we're probably going to have to wait for a while before we get to see a doctor. You think you can manage, or do you need help?"

"I feel alright, it should be fine." he said and walked slowly towards his bedroom, holding onto the countertop and furniture as he went.

I watched him worriedly until he rounded the corner. I grabbed the paper towels and started mopping up the orange juice. Only taking care of the worst of it, I was finished pretty quickly. I got my phone out and called home to let them know what was going on. Mom answered the phone, by the end of the call she sounded almost as worried as I felt. She told me to bring him home to our house afterwards, provided they didn't want to admit him for the night. As I hung up, Matt was back, dressed in dry clothes once more. 

"You wanna borrow something dry to wear?" he asked.

I'd completely forgotten about my own juice-soaked clothes and said; "Yeah, that'd be good. I can manage my way around you wardrobe. Sit down and I'll be back in a minute."

I practically ran to his room, chucked on the first pair of sweatpants I came across and sprinted back to the kitchen to help him into the car. 

I've never had a tougher time staying below the speed limit. I was so anxious to get him to the hospital, but getting him injured in a car accident on the way there was hardly going to make him healthier.

The ER was quieter than I had expected and a nurse showed us to a bed Matt could rest on almost straight away. Fifteen minutes later a young, male doctor came to see us. Matt was resting his eyes and didn't see him coming. I, however, practically leaped out of my chair when I saw him. I felt utterly helpless, now that I had gotten him to the hospital, there was nothing more I could do for him. Unsure what to say or do, I just stood there and watched him approach. 

"Hi, I'm doctor Peters." he said and shook my hand and then Matt's. Directing his attention to Matt, he continued; "Would you prefer if we discuss your reason for visiting us today in private?"

"No, it's okay. Jake can stay."

"Okay then. I see that you lost consciousness for a little while. How are you feeling now? Are you lightheaded or dizzy at all?"

"No, I feel fine. My head hurts a little from when I fell, but that's it. Jake was sort of insistent that he take me to the hospital though."

"And good thing he was. People don't normally faint for no reason." doctor Peters replied with a smile.

I felt some of my anxiety ease up. I'd done the right thing in bringing him here, but the doctor didn't look too worried about the situation. But he hasn't even looked at Matt properly yet. What does he know? I probably looked more ill than Matt at that point; I've never coped well with stressful situations like this, that was always Matt's area.

The doctor got his little torch out and checked Matt's eyes for pupil reaction. He seemed satisfied with the result. 

"Can you remember feeling lightheaded before you fainted?"

"Yeah, I was a little dizzy and I had a headache so I got up to get a glass of juice and the room started spinning a little."

"It sounds like you might be anemic. We'll run some blood tests to make sure. In the meantime, we need to check if you have a concussion from the fall. Do you feel nauseous at all?"

"A little, but I think I was feeling sick before I fell as well." Matt replied.

"Are your ears ringing, or do you have any unusual trouble with your vision?"

"It's kinda hard to focus my eyes on anything for too long. I think I'm just tired though." Matt said, he looked it too.

"You weren't tired this morning" I interjected. 

"From the sounds of it, you might have a minor concussion. We aren't too backed up today, so I'd like to send you up for a CT-scan just to be on the safe side. Your boyfriend can go grab a cup of coffee in the cafeteria or something in the meantime. We should be back here in about 45 minutes."




Falling for Matt



I was too stunned to say anything, but I practically yanked back the hand I'd subconsciously placed on Matt's shoulder and shoved it in my pocket. The doctor was leafing through the paperwork in his hands and didn't catch my movement. I could tell Matt was trying a little too hard to ignore my reaction, though. Neither of us corrected doctor Peters, it would only make things awkward. What difference did it make, really?

"I'll wait in the cafeteria. See you when you get back." I said quietly and slipped out as a nurse materialized out of nowhere to help get Matt up for his CT.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

They returned from Matt's CT an hour later. The doctor seemed pretty satisfied that he would recover fully and that he only sustained a minor concussion. 

"You need to be more careful of what and how much you eat. Anemia can turn pretty serious if you don't look after yourself." the doctor said as he was getting Matt's paperwork ready for us to leave.

"Don't worry; he won't get the option of neglecting his diet again." I said firmly. I didn't care if it made me sound like an overprotective boyfriend, I was going to make sure he stayed healthy and strong.

"Good. Now the concussion is only minor, but I wouldn't recommend you sleeping alone tonight. If you start to feel nauseous and have to throw up more than twice, you need to come back in here. Also, I would strongly recommend that you don't drive for at least a week."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Matt was quiet on the drive over to my house. His eyes were drooping and he looked exhausted. As I parked the car, I suggested he go up to my room and take a nap. We don't have a spare bedroom and I had to get the mattress down from the attic, so he'd have to take his nap in my bed. Normally he would have insisted that it could wait until we'd wrestled the mattress downstairs together, but today he just nodded his head gingerly and went to my room.

I decided I could get the mattress when dad came home, so I wouldn't have to do it by myself. Instead I went to the kitchen and got a glass of water for Matt, along with the bottle of aspirin. I found him curled into a ball on top of the covers on my bed. He seemed more alert now, although he looked just as tired. He looked up at me as I put the glass and the aspirin on the nightstand.

"You know, it feels really weird to be so tired after sleeping so well last night." he said quietly.

"I'm sure it does. You've been through a lot since then though." was all I could say in response as I didn't know if we were still pretending that we didn't share a bed last night.

"I think another sleep like that would really make me feel better." he said and shifter over a little bit, making room for me.

I guess we're done pretending then, I thought and silently laid down next to him. I could hardly believe it as he wrapped his arms around me and moved my head to rest on his shoulder the way it had this morning. It was pure bliss and it seemed that he felt the same way; less than five minutes later he was snoring softly. I, however, was way too pepped up to even contemplate napping. 

Laying this close to him was pure bliss and my chest felt like it wasn't properly up to the task of containing all my emotions at the moment. Knowing that he had purposely initiated this made all the difference in the world and I was free to enjoy the moment without worrying about him waking up. 

Much too soon, I heard my parents come home. Every other Sunday, they would walk over to visit some friends that lived just a few streets away. Knowing they would notice our shoes in the hall, I made myself get up and tell them what the doctor said.

"There you are! Where's Matthew?" mom said as soon as she spotted me. 

"He's sleeping in my room. He was really tired."

"What did they say at the hospital?" dad said to my surprise.

"They reckon he's anemic and that he may have sustained a minor concussion when he fainted. They won't know for sure until they get the blood-work back, but a healthier diet should do the trick."

"Oh good, nothing to worry about then." dad said, clearly putting the matter behind him.

"Anemia can be very serious, Phil!" mum chastised. "That boy needs someone to look after him. He may look and sound all grown up, but he can't always be the one who takes care of everyone else."

"His parents are thinking about moving into an apartment in the fall. Matt's not sure they'll get one with room for him." I told her, my anger creeping into my voice. "I told him he can come home with me for the holidays. I hope that's okay."

"Of course it is, honey. That boy has been part of this family since the first day of school. Good thing too, those parents of his don't deserve him." Mum sounded unusually fierce, and I loved her for it.

Hugging her, I said; "Thanks." I would have thanked her for being nothing like Matt's mum, but I was a teenage boy after all; I had to stay somewhat in character or she would die of shock.

"What do you think he would like for dinner?" she asked.

"Not sure, it probably doesn't matter as long as there's plenty of it. Make it something healthy?"

"Steak and veggies it is, then."

"Sounds good. I'm gonna go check on him." I said and headed upstairs.

"I'll start on dinner in an hour or so." she called after me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When I got to my room, Matt was awake and sitting on the bed. 

"You're up. How are you feeling?"

"Better." he replied. "I heard you talk to your mom. She's very kind."

"She worries about you." I hesitated before almost inaudibly adding; "Almost as much as I do."

Trying not to blush, knowing it would only make my statement that much more revealing, I sat down on the bed next to him. 

"Dinner should be ready in an hour and half. You wanna try and get some more sleep before then?"

He shrugged. "Not sure. I could sleep more, but I don't feel like I need to."

"I could put on a movie." I suggested.

"Sounds good."

I put on a movie we'd both seen before and sat down next to him on the bed. Five minutes later he was snoring softly. I chuckled and moved a little closer so he could rest his head on my shoulder. It felt so good to be able to look after him that I didn't even feel guilty about it.

When I heard mom call up the stairs that dinner was ready, I gently shook him awake and we went down to dinner where both mom and I proceeded to be pretty obvious about offering him second and third helpings of everything. After dinner, I got dad to help me get the mattress down to my room. As Matt helped me make the bed, I asked him what he wanted to do with the rest of the evening. 

"I don't really know. It's still kinda hard to focus my eyes properly on anything. If you wanna read or watch TV that's fine, but I think I'll just rest if that's okay." he said and lay down on the mattress.

Deciding to read, I got my book from my desk and carefully maneuvered my way around the spare mattress now occupying almost all of the floor space.

"Did you call your parents yet?" I asked as I got into bed.

"Yeah, they didn't answer. I'll try again tomorrow." 

The flatness of his tone made me long to wrap my arms around him; he sounded so painfully unsurprised. "When do they get back?"

"Dad gets home on Tuesday and I think mum comes back Thursday night."

He seemed to settle for the night soon after that and I read for a couple hours before turning off the light. I lay in the dark just listening to him breathe for a while. It turned out he hadn't been sleeping, when he whispered; "You awake?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I can't sleep..."

"Did you want me to help you out with that?" I asked, feeling my stomach tighten with excitement. I held my breath as I waited for him to say yes.

He didn't. Instead he just crawled into my bed silently. It took me by surprise, but I was more than happy to make room for him. Because I was already occupying most of the space he was the one to rest his head on my shoulder this time, but that suited me just fine. I put my arms around him and rested my cheek against the top of his head. All the excitement of the day must have taken it out of me too, I was out like a light much sooner than I would have liked.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The week passed quickly and Matt recovered in no time. He was over for dinner at my house more often than not; mom was hellbent on making sure his blood-work came back normal after his check up next week. His quick recovery meant that he'd slept in his own house, and I was shocked at how much I missed him after such a short time. 

Our schooldays were mind-numbingly ordinary and it was like the weekend had never happened with the exception of the improvement to Matt's diet and the absence of Jane. We excitedly planned for the weekend while I quietly contemplated Jane's advice about telling Matt about my feelings for him. The very idea was terrifying, but there was a hopeful little voice in my head saying that what happened last weekend couldn't have been entirely platonic. It was almost completely drowned out by the other voices in my head screaming that I was an idiot for reading too much into what happened. 

On Wednesday, Jane caught up to me in the hallway with an urgent; "So, have you told him yet?"

"I never said I was going to tell him!" I hissed back at her. We were surrounded by people and I guess you could say I didn't feel entirely comfortable discussing this here. 

"I know, but I thought you might have seen sense since then." She smiled at me sweetly.

"Yes, well I'm not willing to take a risk like that."

"That's a shame." she said as the bell rang.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Friday afternoon we put our stuff in dad's car and headed north to the cabin. Matt looked pretty exhausted and fell asleep quickly. I drove in silence, content to simply have him near me. It felt right and I was certain we'd have a good time. Jane's advice had stuck with me, but there was no way I was going to take it. 

He woke up as I turned onto the unpaved road leading up to the lake. It was a little after seven o'clock and the golden sunlight streaming through the trees made the whole area look nicer than I'd ever seen it before. It was Matt's first time here, and I was glad that he could see it looking this nice. Hopefully the weather would stay this fine all weekend so we wouldn't be cooped up inside all the time. 

We got our stuff out of the car and settled into the cabin for the weekend. As we were putting the food away we discovered a surprising amount of beer left in the fridge. We decided to make the most of the free alcohol and headed out on the deck to drink and watch the sun go down. We didn't bother dragging the chairs out and just sat down with our feet dangling over the edge.

For a while we didn't say much; I was tired and Matt seemed a little pensive. I was already starting to get tipsy when he asked; "How did it go with Jane at school this week? Are you guys cool?"

"Yeah, if anything we get along better than before. I mean, we're not best friends or anything, but I told her I was into someone else and she was pretty much fine with that."

"That's the impression I got too, but it just seemed a little unlikely that things would go that smoothly." he said while staring out over the water.

"It didn't start out that great. You could say I didn't ease into the whole Steven thing very elegantly. We both got a little angry." I said and washed away my lingering shame from the encounter with a mouthful of beer.

"Fair enough. I'm sorry I doubted her." he said, looking a little shamefaced himself.

"It's fine. Imagine if you hadn't said anything and you were right." I replied calmly.

"I apologized to Jane about it yesterday."

"So are you okay now?" I hadn't noticed any hard feelings between the two of them, so his apology came as a surprise.

"Yeah, she said she would have done the same thing if she was in my position. I actually ended up talking to her for a while." 

"What about?" I asked impatiently as he finished his bottle before continuing.

"The breakup and her fight with Emma, but mostly about you."

"Oh yeah? Do I want to know what she said?" I was starting to feel decidedly uneasy about where this was heading.

"She didn't say anything bad, she's honestly not mad at you. She just said that she thought you were keeping something from me that maybe you shouldn't. She wouldn't tell me what it was though." he said as he got up. "I'm gonna grab another beer. Do you want one?"

"Sure," I said, even as I got my phone out to text Jane. 

"Don't yell at her. She meant well. If you don't wanna tell me, then I'm not gonna make you." he said as he walked back inside.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, I leaned back and watched the early stars coming out while I waited for him to get back with the beers. I knew he meant what he said and that the decision to tell him would ultimately be mine, but I still didn't like having the topic brought up. I was annoyed, but truly well-meaning people are difficult to get angry with and I was having a hard time directing it at anybody but myself. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The night was warm and we stayed outside for the next few hours while working our way through the many bottles of beer in the fridge. We talked about everything and nothing, but I couldn't seem to stop thinking about what Jane had told Matt. Eventually, I couldn't help myself anymore and got my phone out to text Jane: "Have you told Steven how you feel???" Sarcasm never travels well in writing, but this time I couldn't think of a way around it.

After a while, we were both on our backs quietly watching the stars spin slightly. Thinking Matt had fallen asleep, I turned my head to look at him. His eyes were halfway closed, but he was awake and staring at me. Just as I was working up the strength to look away, he slowly reached out and carefully put his hand on my cheek. I was stunned.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked in a whisper. When I couldn't think of anything to say, he continued; "Did you think I'd hurt your feelings?"

It was clear the cat was well and truly out of the bag, so there was not much to do but fess up, so I said; "I didn't want to make it awkward for you. I'd hate it if it ruined everything else."

He was stroking the side of my face lightly with his fingertips now, and it was seriously messing with my head.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I thought that was obvious." he replied and rolled over on his side so that he was right next to me. "Why do you think I've been single for so long? I was waiting for you." he said simply and leaned down and kissed me with surprising hesitation.

My brain wasted precious seconds just processing what was happening, before I could even begin to register the sensations of the kiss. His lips were feather light, soft and dry, gently coaxing my own to respond to him. All conscious thought left me as I responded to him with every fibre of my being. My hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer to me. My breath caught as the kiss grew more intense. As my lips started moving in tandem with his, his stubble brushed against them in a delicious and brand new texture.

My enthusiasm seemed to spur him on, and he rolled his body further over so that he was halfway on top of me. I loved it. His hands moved from my face and travelled down my body. I moaned as he squeezed my erection. He chuckled at that and I bit his lower lip gently in response. Apparently he liked that because he let out a moan almost identical to mine. Just as he seemed to really get into it, he stood up and reached out a hand indicating for me to do the same. 

"We better take this inside." he said in response to my puzzled expression. 

It didn't take me long to comply and we practically raced to the bedroom with the biggest bed. I was barely in the room before he started tearing my clothes off. Once he pulled my shirt over my head, his lips bore down on me again. Despite his impatience he was surprisingly tender as he landed a trail of kisses along my jaw before settling just below my ear, nibbling and sucking on that delicious sweet spot. 

I got lost to the bliss of it again until the realization that I was almost naked and he was still fully clothed hit me and shyness set in. Deciding against covering up and instead opting for getting him naked, I started pulling at his clothes. Noticing my efforts to undress him, he somewhat reluctantly ended his efforts to give me a hickey and helped me out. 

Once we were both naked, there was a moment of hesitation. We both knew this was it and that there was no going back if we didn't stop now. It didn't matter how much I loved him or that I was hornier than ever before, I was still terrified. Luckily, Matt took charge of the situation once again. He pulled me in for a hug and whispered almost inaudibly in my ear "I love you." before pulling back slightly so he could look at me. 

The sense of fear and insecurity that I could read in his eyes made all the difference. I practically pounced on him and suddenly I was the one who was in charge. I wanted him so much it hurt, I physically couldn't get close enough. Running my hands through his hair and kissing him like a madman, I could feel my body burning for him. I don't even remember getting into bed, but all of a sudden there we were. He pulled me up short when he got a firm grip on my erection; the sensation was almost too much. I wasn't so much worried that I was going to cum too soon, more that it was going to be painful when I did. I gently moved his hand away and rolled him onto his back. 

Sensing that I was taking charge of the proceedings, he said; "Hey, I was gonna play with that!" and reached for my cock again. I tried to swat his hand away, but he simply rolled back towards me and flipped me on my back and started kissing his way down my chest.

Getting a little frustrated now, I said; "I was looking forward to tasting you."

As he reached my bellybutton, he replied; "I bet I've been dreaming about this for a lot longer than you, so will you just shut up and let me suck you?"

He didn't wait for a response, and all conscious thought left my head as my cock was enveloped in his hot mouth. Just as I was getting into it properly, he lifted his head again and looked me in the eye.

"Shit, I've been dying to do that for so long that I just dove in. I've fantasized about going down on you so many times, I had it all planned out, and now I finally get to do it and I totally lose control."

I couldn't think of anything to say so I just stroked his cheek gently and relaxed back against the pillows. If he wanted to take his time and make this as pleasurable as possible, then I certainly wasn't going to stop him.

Grasping the base of my cock firmly, he seemed to savor the taste as he licked me all over. Sucking gently on the head and tonguing the slit, he moaned in appreciation before looking up at me again saying quietly; "You're absolutely delicious." 

My balls were throbbing, and I found myself groaning; "Please." and resting my hand gently on the back of his head. As Matt swallowed as much of my cock as he could manage and started to suck me in earnest, I found I couldn't help myself from thrusting gently into his hot mouth. My legs, bent at the knees, were spread as far as they would go as I gave myself over to him completely.

I wasn't the only one getting lost in the blow job; Matt was bobbing his head up and down enthusiastically, and every now and then he'd grunt happily. As he got more into it, he was able to take me farther into his mouth. Eventually, he moved his hand away and swallowed most of my length. I could feel his tight throat on my cock head and I knew I wasn't going to last much longer.




Falling for Matthew



Normally I'd wake up regretfully, instantly turning over and trying to get back to sleep. Not today though. Today I was out of bed and on my feet practically before I had my eyes fully open. I felt giddy with excitement and could hardly wait for the day to get started. After a quick stretch and a glance out the window to make sure the weather suited my mood, I bounded down the stairs ready for my birthday breakfast. 

I must have been making quite a bit of noise coming down the stairs; both my parents were chuckling good-naturedly at my excitement. My mom was at the stove making the traditional pancakes just like she had every 20th of May for as long as I could remember. Dad was seated in his usual spot reading the morning paper. 

"Happy birthday, kid" he said giving me a warm smile with a glint in his eye. He hadn't called me that in ages, trust him to do it on my eighteenth birthday. It was undoubtedly his way of telling me that I may be an adult legally, but I still had a fair bit of growing up to do. 

Before I had time to comment, mom put down the spatula and came over to give me a hug. "Happy birthday, sweetie. Did you sleep well?" 

I hugged her back, mumbled my thanks and a quick; "I slept fine." I hated lying to my mom, and preferred to do it in an almost unintelligible way. I didn't feel too guilty about this lie though, it wasn't a big deal. I just didn't feel like explaining to her that it felt like I hadn't had a decent night's sleep in months. 

I kept having these weird dreams that stuck with me throughout the day. I'd forget all about them by the time I got to school, and then glimpses of them would pop into my head at the strangest moments. Sometimes it was difficult to remember what had actually happened and what had only been a dream. My best friend Matthew featured heavily in those dreams. It seemed that every night we did something new that I would never dare to attempt in real life. Never mind that I have a girlfriend, that I consider myself 100% straight or that Matt has never shown the slightest interest in guys; I could never do anything that would jeopardize my friendship with him. It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep all this straight in my head; we were so close and so intimate in my head every night that I found myself about to reach for him disturbingly frequently. And it was becoming increasingly painful to hold back. 

At the same time, I felt more and more withdrawn from Jane. She was a nice girl, a good girlfriend, and I was sure half the guys in my class would kill to be in my shoes whenever we walked out the door hand in hand. God knows she hadn't done anything wrong and I hated myself for distancing myself from her, I could see that she had noticed and that it hurt her, but it simply wasn't something I could control. 

My thoughts finally back in mom's kitchen, my eyes fell on the stack of perfectly cooked pancakes and my stomach rumbled quite loudly. 

"Why don't you take a seat? I'm nearly out of batter here anyway. We'll eat in a minute." mom said without turning around; she was used to having a ravenous teenager in the house by now. 

"Want me to set the table?" I asked in a conscious effort to at least treat one woman in my life the way she deserved. 

"That'd be great." Dad's only contribution was to clear away his small mountain of newspapers so that there would be room for breakfast on the table. 

As we sat down to eat, dad asked; "Have you thought more about which weekend you want to go to the cabin?" 

"I dunno, I was thinking maybe the last weekend in June. I'll have to talk to Matt and see when it suits him." 

My family has never had a lot of money to spare, and with saving up for me to go to college they couldn't really afford to splash out on a proper present for me. Instead they had offered to loan me the car for a trip up to the family cabin for a weekend. With us having only the one car, and my dad and his four brothers and sisters sharing ownership of the cabin, I'd never been able to travel there by myself before. I used to love staying there when I was a kid, but since I hit puberty my patience with my parents seemed to be directly related to how much time I had to spend with them and how much time I got to myself. Needless to say, trips to the cabin had become far less fun than they used to be. I was really looking forward to going back there with only Matt for company. 

"You're not inviting Jane along?" mom asked innocently. She was obviously trying really hard to be cool about my having a girlfriend and potentially being 'sexually active', and the only reason I didn't roll my eyes at her was my surprise over the fact that I hadn't thought to invite Jane at all. It never even occurred to me! 

"No, she's working in the store all summer to save up money for her euro-trip in the fall." 

This was true, but it certainly wasn't the reason she wasn't invited. I knew then that I should have broken up with her weeks ago. We weren't all that serious, but now I'd have to put it off for a while. I couldn't very well dump her right after my birthday; she would have gotten me a present, and unless it was a heat of the moment thing where we had a massive fight, dumping her simply wasn't on. 

"You better hurry up if you're gonna make it to school on time. Matt will be here to pick you up in 15 minutes." 

Surprised I looked at the clock on the kitchen wall, saw she was right and started wolfing down the rest of my pancakes. After washing down the pancake lump in my chest with half a glass of orange juice, I gave my mom a quick peck on the cheek on my way out of the kitchen. 

I had literally just dumped my toothbrush back in the mug on the bathroom counter when I heard Matt pull up outside. I grabbed my bag and ran back downstairs to greet him. I made it to the front door before I realized what I was doing and slowed down. Matt's a patient guy and he always made it to my house with plenty of time to make it to school; I had no other reason for hurrying except for being excited to see him. Damn, better watch it. Feeling self-conscious as I walked down the drive to his car I silently reprimanded myself.

I was barely fully in the car before I was enveloped warmly in his arms. For a second I was both startled and ridiculously pleased. 

"Happy birthday, man!" 

Oh yeah, I forgot! Feeling a bit sheepish I said "Thanks." 

"How were the pancakes?" 

Before I could answer, there was a tap on the window. Mom was there holding a pancake wrapped in a paper napkin. Matt obligingly rolled down the window. 

"I thought you might like one" mom said simply, handing it to him. He grinned widely as he accepted the still warm pancake. 

"Thanks, Mrs Thomas!" he called after her; she was already heading back towards the house. 

Undoubtedly she was hurrying back inside partly because she was still in her bathrobe and didn't want to be spotted by the neighbors even though it covered her up more efficiently than most of her normal outfits. She was also careful about keeping her distance. She cared for Matt, he may not be her son, but he was my best friend and he had been ever since my first day of school. Knowing that life at his house wasn't all it was cracked up to be, she always tried to soothe some of the hurts she knew he carried with him, but she never hovered. She respected our privacy and the fact that we had the most fun when it was just the two of us, so she stayed in the background making sure we both felt cared for. 

As he bit into the pancake, Matt let out a groan; he loved my mom's cooking. I had to close my eyes; the look of ecstasy on his face was too much. It felt like I had seen it only an hour ago and under very different circumstances. 

By the time I dared look at him again, most of the pancake was gone. I was about to reprimand him for not savoring it, but then I realized he was probably hungry. They had plenty of food at his house, but without a mom who took the time to make him anything he frequently neglected to make himself a proper breakfast. Matt was capable of taking care of himself, there had never been a need to call child protection services, but there were lots of little things that would go unnoticed by people who paid less attention than I did. His clothes were always clean, but hardly ever ironed. Most of the time that didn't matter; he was eighteen, nobody expected his jeans to have a crease. But although his clothes were expensive, he sometimes looked a little forlorn and neglected. Actually, considering his fierce independence and considerable inner strength, I suppose I should say he looked like an eighteen year old bachelor. A really hot one with fierce blue eyes, a wicked smile and a body to die for. I had to suppress a sigh just thinking about it and forced myself to keep staring out the front windshield.

We joked and chatted amongst ourselves in the usual manner on the drive to school. By the time we got there we were both in a pretty good mood, even by our standards. We had barely been on the school grounds for two minutes before Jane found us. My mood instantly took a slight turn for the worse. Jane didn't notice, but Matt certainly did. He looked at me quizzically and I could tell that I had some explaining to do. I instantly dreaded it; I hated lying to Matt even more than I hate lying to my mom. What was I gonna say?

In the meantime, Jane's bubbly presence, well-wishes for my birthday and constant chattering served as a buffer. I knew I'd have the entire school day to figure something out before he could question me on the drive home. I've never been good a lying and my only hope was for him to take it easy on me on my birthday.

"Earth to Jake!" 

I snapped out of my worries and turned to look at Jane. "Hmm?" 

"I said, what time are you picking me up for dinner tonight?" Going out with Jane on my birthday was almost as much of an established tradition as the breakfast pancakes. 

"I was thinking six-thirty. You still have to be home by ten, right?" Normally I would have resented her parents for not even making an exception for her curfew on a Friday night, not even to celebrate my birthday, but this year I only feigned disappointment. She slid her arms around my waist and I let my cheek rest against the top of her head.

"Yeah, they still won't budge. I'm really looking forward to tonight; I can't wait to show you my new dress!" 

My heart sank as I noticed Matt taking off the same way he always did whenever Jane and I did or said anything too coupley. I pretended not to notice and said; "Well, in that case; I can't wait to see it." Jane visibly relaxed as I smiled at her as warmly as I could muster. It only made me feel like even more of a shit. 

When we caught up to Matt and sat down next to him at the back of the classroom, I remembered that I still had to ask him about our weekend away. I decided to leave it for later though, we seemed to have an unspoken agreement that it should just be the two of us and it would be rude, if not just plain mean, to bring it up in front of Jane. 

I was wrong when I assumed he'd question me about my cold attitude towards Jane on the way home. He hardly said anything at all. When I asked him about the trip to the cabin, all he said was "Are you sure you wouldn't rather bring Jane with you?" It was a normal enough question, but there was an edge to his voice that made me wonder if I'd done something to upset him. 

Too chicken to ask him about it, I just said "No, I was looking forward to it just being the two of us. Don't you want to go anymore?" 

"Course I do." he said, sounding very tired all of a sudden. 

We pulled up outside my house shortly after. I just sat there for a minute, wondering why I felt so tense around him all of a sudden. "You coming in today?" He stayed at my house for a couple hours after school more often than not. 

"Not today." he replied, still staring straight ahead. 

"Did I do something wrong?" I blurted out. 

"What makes you say that?" 

"Well, you won't look at me for one thing." He let out a sigh and turned his head slowly and deliberately toward me. His eyes lacked all their usual warmth and all of a sudden my stomach was tied up in a cold knot of anxiety; I'd never seen him look at me that way before, so detached and unfeeling. 

"You should go and get ready for you date with Jane. If I came inside you'd only be late. She's got big plans for tonight and it would be cruel to keep her waiting." 

Clearly he knew something I didn't. Realizing he wasn't going to tell my anything more, I mumbled a dejected "okay." and slowly got out of the car. I started to anyway, but just as I was getting out Matt grabbed my arm and pulled me back in for a hug. The angle made it a bit uncomfortable, but I certainly wasn't about to complain. Especially when it seemed to go on for a bit longer than normal, it felt like coming home. In the end he was the one who had to end the hug, just as he always was. I got out of the car and just as I was about the close the door, he said "Happy birthday, Jake." He sounded so sad that all the anxiety that had been alleviated by the hug returned instantly. I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just closed the door and watched him drive off.

I met Matt on the very first day of school. None of the kids on my street were close enough to me in age that they took much notice of me, and consequently I didn't know any of the other kids in class. Before lunchtime, I had already cried twice and the third grade bullies had homed in on me with unnerving skills of detection. I was a loser and, before the first day of school was even halfway over, everyone knew it. I wasn't that small for my age, but these boys seemed absolutely huge. As they circled in on me, I fought the urge to cry. I was terrified and knew it was only a matter of time before the tears spilled down my cheeks again. All of a sudden, Matt was just there. He didn't even have to say anything to the four guys who had been spending the last ten minutes looking forward to making the little kid cry. His very presence was enough to make them back off and look for easier prey. He quietly took my hand and walked me over to a table in the corner and we ate our lunches together that day and every day after. He was never one for talking much and it took me a while to get to know him properly, but he made me feel oh so safe and protected.

As I locked myself into the quiet house, I wondered how I had come to depend on him so completely for my sense of security and how I was going to cope with that after graduation. Even though we were planning to go to the same college, eventually things would have to change. Mom and dad still kept in touch with their friends from high school, but at their age that meant seeing each other once every few months and sending christmas cards. I couldn't see how that was ever going to be enough for me regarding Matt. 

Dumping my backpack on my bed, I noticed that my shirt smelled faintly of Matt still. Sniffing it, I felt my cock jump to attention. Having actively fought to keep it under control all day, it didn't take much to get me going now that I no longer had to put all that effort into keeping my fantasies and feelings secret. I quickly pulled my shirt off so I could smell it more easily. Holding it up to my nose I savored the smell of his cologne and the slight trace of the scent that was purely and simply Matthew. With a groan I got my cock out and starting stroking it slowly. Out of habit, my mind instantly went back to the night on the beach two years ago. 

It was a night for firsts; it was the first time we got drunk, Matt fucked a girl for the first time, and I got to look at him naked, properly, for the first time. At the time it didn't give me much more than a twinge of painful jealousy, mostly it just got me hot watching him fuck Lucy's brains out. It had started as a double date on the beach. We had a little bonfire, ate marshmallows till we felt sick and topped it off with a bottle of vodka that Matt had brought from his dad's liquor cabinet. Jane drank too much, way too quickly. She spent a good half hour throwing up, before passing out. It was clear she wasn't going to wake up until her hangover made sleep impossible. While I'd been in the bushes holding Jane's hair back and making sure she didn't pass out, things had progressed nicely for Matt. 

When we got back to the bonfire, Matt and Lucy seemed to be trying to suck each other's faces off. His hand was under her shirt, fondling her tit. Jane just lied down in the sand facing the other way, too sick to notice anything. For a while I tried to give them some privacy, to look away, but soon Lucy's moaning was so insistent that my curiosity got the better of me. I peeked at them from the corner of my eye and felt my jaw drop. Lucy's skirt was up around her waist, her legs spread wide. Matt was kneeling between her milky thighs, positively going to town on her pussy. Thrusting two fingers slowly into her while sucking on her clit, he was clearly making her feel good. My cock was rock hard by now, and I felt embarrassed for intruding on something so private. I looked away again. 

It didn't take me long before I was back staring at them shamelessly again; Lucy let out an outraged squeal before moaning even louder than before. Matt was fingerfucking her intently now, and had started pushing a finger up her asshole as well. Flicking his tongue rapidly over her clit while thrusting his fingers into her ass and pussy, he pushed her over the edge. She tangled her hands in his hair, securing him in place and rubbed her pussy all over his face as she came with a stifled scream. She was barely done spasming before Matt had his cock out and aligned with her tight opening. He thrust all nine inches inside her in one go, making them both groan with pleasure. "Fuck you're tight, baby" he said before kissing her passionately. 

I was past feeling embarrassed now. If they were too drunk to care that they were having sex right in front of me, why should I bother looking the other way? This was way too hot to pass up anyway. I sat there in the sand on the opposite side of the bonfire to them, stroking my cock to the pace of Matt's thrusts. It didn't take very long at all for Matt to get into a rhythm. He pumped in and out of her pussy with short, hard jabs and it seemed to be doing the trick. Her pussy was so wet I could hear it squelching from six feet away. Matt was thrusting so fast now that I could hear his balls slapping agains her ass every time he bottomed out. 

"Take off your shirt. I need to see those gorgeous tits of yours, and I'm sure Jake here would love to see them bounce as I fuck you." 

Had I heard him right? Was he putting on a bit of a show for my benefit? It would appear so; just as Lucy whipped her shirt over her head, Matt turned his head and winked at me. He didn't last much longer after that, it was his first time after all. 

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna cum. Ooooh God, damn that's it! Milk my cock with your pussy!" he moaned and did a few more hard thrusts into her before shooting his load deep inside her pussy.

Two years later, I still came the same time he did, this time to the mental image of his ass clamping up as he shot his load. I realized I had no idea what Lucy's tits looked like. Apparently, I was already back then too preoccupied with Matt's gorgeous ass, and the way he had wanted me to get off on watching them, to actually look at them properly. Still picturing his perfect ass, I shot my load into the shirt in my hand with a groan. 

I dropped Jane off at her house at ten, on the dot. "I had a really nice time tonight. And you really do look great." 

She had clearly put in a lot of effort to look good for me tonight, and she did look stunning. Her auburn hair was curled and bounced sweetly whenever she laughed. Her dress, the palest pink satin hugged her figure perfectly, flaring out at the waist to accentuate her hourglass figure. 




Falling for Matthew Ch. 02



After I left Matt's house, I somewhat reluctantly headed over to Jane's. While I appreciated the truth in Matthew's warning, I probably would have been pretty excited if I honestly thought there was a chance I could get laid tonight. I hadn't lied when I told him I didn't think that's what she had in mind though; Jane was undoubtedly the most chaste eighteen-year-old at our school. One of the select few girls who remained virgins by choice, despite having the option to sleep with pretty much whoever she wanted. With her long slim legs, modest curves, toned stomach and breasts that were slightly unfair considering how careful she was about putting on weight, dating her hadn't made me more popular with the other guys in school; quite the opposite. 

Parking dad's car a little ways down the street and sneaking around the back of the house, I at last felt a flicker of excitement about the rest of my plans for the evening. If nothing else worked, I could apparently always trust the thrill of potentially getting caught to get my blood flowing. I soundlessly climbed in through the window; the three years we'd been dating had taught me invaluable skills if I ever decided to become a cat burglar. As I emerged from between the drawn curtains, I was immediately welcomed into her arms; she must have been impatient for me to get there.

She pulled me in for a kiss, tender but short. "Hi." she said, sounding almost shy. I gave her a kiss in return, only marginally longer than the first, and took a step back to look at what she was wearing: a tank top and some spotted flannel pajama bottoms. She looked adorable, and I felt more certain than ever that she hadn't invited me over for sex. She looked like she was going for the attractive-but-off-limits look. She took my hand and lead me over to her twin bed. We'd spent countless hours cuddling on it, and I felt myself relax a little. Say what you will about routine, I find it comforting. Soon we were cuddled up on the bed in our usual manner; her small body tucked into the side of mine, my arm around her, her leg over my hips. 

"I'm sorry, but you can't stay very long. Mom wants to go and visit grandma tomorrow, which means we all have to get up at six if we're gonna get there early enough to make it back by tomorrow night."

Quietly wondering why she would invite me over at all if she was gonna lead with that, I said; "Don't worry about it. I'm pretty beat myself." At least I didn't have to lie about my sleep deprivation in this case.

"I guess you're wondering what I got you for your birthday, huh?" She propped herself up on her elbow in order to look me in the eye. "And? What did you get me?"

"Well, I thought about it for a long time and I couldn't think of anything that you'd really like that would be in my price range. So I got to thinking about home made gifts and realized that would not only be super lame but you'd feel obligated to pretend to like it."

Realizing I'd dodged a bullet there, I let out an exaggerated sigh of relief and we both chuckled. "So what did you decide on in the end?"

"Well..." she bit her lip in hesitation. "I know this is something you've wanted me to do for a long time, I could never really work up the courage to try it. But I figured, it's your birthday, and it's your last birthday before I leave, so here goes..." She took a steadying breath and moved down my torso, working at the buttons on my jeans. 

"Are you sure about this?" Surely there must be something seriously wrong in my head, what kind of teenage boy asks his girlfriend that when she is in the process of getting in his pants voluntarily? I briefly panicked though; what if I couldn't get it up for her? I'd heard about guys going impotent from watching too much porn; nothing was kinky enough for them to get turned on anymore. I'd been going at it pretty heavily fantasizing about Matt. Oh god, she's gonna know something's wrong! I quickly pulled up a mental image of Matt's grinning face, replayed the sound of him groaning this morning as he bit into the pancake my mom brought him, pictured him bending over to tie his shoelace. It worked; my cock stirred like a loyal golden retriever pricking up its ears as if saying; did you say something about walkies, cause I'm up for that.

Jane, none the wiser about my mental imagery, stuck her hand in my pants, gently pulling me out into the open. This was a first for her, she hardly ever even groped me through my pants. In some ways she was lucky to have a boyfriend that might turn out to be gay; at least I never pressured her into doing things she didn't feel ready for. She started inexpertly stroking me, only the fact that the hand stroking it wrong, and not gripping tightly enough, wasn't mine kept my dick from deflating. 

"Does that feel good?" she asked me, looking me in the eye practically pleading for praise. I let out a groan for her benefit and told her; "Yeah, baby, but here; this'll feel even better." Guiding her hands I got her to gently fondle my balls with her left hand while her right slowly got the hang of stroking my hard on. Soon, my breathing was genuinely more rapid and I had to suppress the urge to moan. 

"This wasn't all I had planned for tonight though." she said before leaning down and hesitantly licking the drop of precum off the tip my cock. It lurched at the contact and instantly got considerably harder; I finally had a boner I didn't need to feel ashamed of; 8 inches and rock hard.

"For the love of god, please do that again." I gently put my hand on her head while unashamedly begging for more. "Please suck me!"

She obligingly did just that. Letting her lips slip over the head of my cock and about a third of the way down she was soon licking my shaft, sucking her way back up ever ten seconds or so. I had expected her to be more squeamish about the taste of my precum, but I certainly wasn't about to complain. She kept fondling my balls the whole time, and I was only saved from blowing my load too early by the occasional graze of her teeth against my sensitive flesh. She clearly knew enough to try to avoid it, but she wasn't experienced enough to make sure it never happened accidentally. I was having a great time, but I could tell she was only doing this as a favor to me; she really wasn't into it. I decided I might as well try and come quickly, put her out of her misery so to speak. The blowjob felt great, knowing that it wasn't enjoyable to her didn't. 

A couple minutes later, I felt myself getting nearer. "Baby, I'm gonna come soon." She took that to mean that her job was more or less done. Pulling her mouth off my cock with one last suck, she crawled back up to the top of the bed and kissed me. She kept fondling my balls, but let me finish myself off. It was more difficult than I would have liked, and I had to resort to my secret stash of Matthew mental imagery to get there in the end. I was barely done spasming, and certainly not finished coming down from my orgasmic high when Jane slipped out of bed. 

"I'll go get you some tissues to clean up with." I almost felt as if the decent thing to do was to pay her for her services, she got nothing out of what we just did besides the feeling of being a good girlfriend. Had she always been this cold, or had I treated her so badly she didn't feel anything for me anymore? Fully aware of the hypocrisy and injustice of it, I still felt hurt. It's not as if I didn't have feelings for her anymore, and I had tried my very best to not only remain faithful to her, but a good and supportive boyfriend to boot. For all I knew, she could have fallen for Matt too. 

Oh god, what if that was it? What if there was something developing between the two of them? It could explain why Matt was so frustrated with me, and why he was so understanding when I told him I had feelings for someone else! I knew he would never have let anything happen between them, he was my friend and he would never betray me like that, but what if they fell for each other? Just as I was starting to panic, Jane was back holding out some bunched up toilet paper. Thanking her, I took it from her and started wiping up the mess on my hand. 

I'd barely tucked myself back in and buttoned up my pants when she said; "You'd better go. It's getting pretty late, and I really do have to get up early in the morning." She clearly thought things were awkward now; I was too busy trying to breathe calmly to behave normally.

I mumbled; "Yeah" in response, barely remembered to kiss her on the forehead, and climbed out the window. Once safely outside in the cool evening breeze, I turned and whispered my thanks for tonight, wished her sweet dreams and a nice trip for the following day before stumbling back to the car where I sat shivering with a sickening sense of panic as I tried to keep from hyperventilating. Gripping the steering-wheel firmly, and breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth I eventually managed to calm down enough to drive back to Matt's house like an absolute madman. Thank god the roads were practically deserted. 

I was already out of the car and on my way up the drive before I got my phone out to text him to check if he was asleep. He was, but not anymore. Using my key, I let myself into the enormous house. Matt was home alone most weekends, this one was no exception; his parents were away on yet another business trip. He met me in the hallway, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and his boxers. His hair was tousled and his forehead wrinkled in confusion. He looked absolutely gorgeous and my heart gave a painful squeeze even as my stomach contracted into a cold, hard lump of anxiety.

"What's going on? Did something happen?"

"Is there something going on between you and Jane?" It came out sounding angrier than I had intended.

"No, of course not! What makes you think that?" His eyebrows shot up in surprise, and he sounded genuinely shocked, but I didn't feel reassured. He could tell I wasn't going to believe him that easily. 

"Jake, what's going on with you? What happened at Jane's tonight?"

"I didn't sleep with her if that's what you're worried about." His phrasing had only made it worse; it sounded like he had been asking himself that all night, wondering what we were doing. Now, I really was angry.

"Dude, what's gotten into you? This afternoon you were going on about breaking up with her, telling me you're into someone else and now you're jealous because you think I'm after your girl. Make up your mind!"

Before I knew what I was doing, my hands grabbed hold of his t-shirt and I was shoving him roughly against the wall. Pinning him there, not letting go of his shirt I had no choice but to shout in his face angrily, my only other option was to break down crying hysterically.

"I see what you're doing, and I'm telling you now; this is not okay. If you touch her, you and me are done!" I couldn't think of anything else I could say without telling him the real reason behind my outburst, so I just stood there for a second, slightly out of breath and blushing furiously. I wished I'd just gone home instead; I was closer to breaking down in tears than ever and his words had failed to soothe me for the first time ever. I couldn't look him in the eye, so I looked away and slightly unsteadily took a step back. I felt like such a sissy.

His hand gently touching my shoulder came as a surprise. "Jake, relax. I would never consider any girl you've been involved with fair game. Especially not one you've dated for this long, and certainly not while you were still with her. You really don't need to worry about this; even if I did have feelings for Jane, which I don't, it wouldn't matter because she is always going to be either your girlfriend or your ex. Either way she is completely off limits."

My shoulders sagged with joined relief and exhaustion, and I leaned my forehead against his shoulder. My hands were no longer pushing him against the wall; I was practically clinging to him. His arms came around me and he just stood there quietly, his mere presence comforting me as the burning in my eyes overflowed and leaked into his t-shirt. I heard him let out a soft sigh. Unsure if I'd outstayed my welcome, I pulled myself together and stepped out of his personal space.

"Sorry about that. I don't know what got into me; I know you'd never go behind my back like that."

"It's alright. What happened tonight?" he asked gently.

"She gave me a pity blowjob cause it was my birthday." I couldn't look him in the eye as I said it; I'd never been shy around Matthew before and it felt fundamentally wrong, but I couldn't help it.

"How do you know? Did she say anything?"

"She didn't have to. She wasn't into it at all, just going through the motions. After I finished myself off, I almost felt as if I should pay her."

"Hell no! If she didn't finish the job herself, she didn't earn it." I barely cracked a smile at that.

"Seriously Jake, you're starting to worry me. What's going on with you?" he said, putting his hand on my shoulder as if to keep me from walking away before he could get an answer out of me. Apparently he didn't have faith that I would just be honest and open with him anymore.

"Talk to me, man. You never wanna hang out anymore, we've barely had a proper conversation in weeks, you've lost weight and you look absolutely exhausted, every day. Frankly, it hurts me that you won't talk to me about your problems. That was always the way we worked; you got upset over something and I made you feel better."

While I debated what and how much I should tell him, he took my silence as another rejection and got a bit angry.

"I feel like you're punishing me for something I didn't do! And I know I didn't do anything wrong because I've been obsessing over this for two months now. I need you to tell me what's wrong!" 

His anger dissipated as quickly as it arrived and by the end of his little tirade he was pleading with me. As he stood there, looking at me with those incredible puppy dog eyes, I realized he was right. I may be enough of a shit to hurt Jane, but I couldn't stand it if my silence was hurting him too.

"Fine," I said, walking past him into his bedroom. This sort of admission wasn't something I felt up for while standing in a dark and cold hallway. I sat down on his unmade bed and felt a stab of yearning as I was enveloped in the subtle scent of him permeating the bedroom. I forced myself to stare at his comforter as he followed me into the room; if I looked up I would be in danger of outright ogling him. Once he was seated on the bed, I felt myself close to chickening out and took a breath. 

"You know how I said I was into someone else? That someone is a guy."

He blinked in surprise; whatever he had been expecting me to say, that wasn't it.

"Are you bi?"

"Not sure. On the one hand, I don't drool over guys left, right and centre, just this one. On the other, I probably haven't been trying to get in Jane's pants as hard as I should. And let's face it, that girl is hot. If I'm not into her, I'm probably not that into the female sex in general. I'm not sure my feelings for her were ever what they should have been, it's hard to think straight about these things and know for sure what my feelings were in the past. It's not like I've kept a journal and I have no idea what it's supposed to feel like so I can't compare myself to the norm."

"You've been struggling with this for months, haven't you? What made you think you couldn't come to me with it?" Apparently my silence and lack of openness still stung him.

"It wasn't that I wanted to keep it a secret from you. It was more like the minute I told you about it, it would be for real. No backing out."

"So what changed? Did I push you too hard to talk to me?"

"No, not at all. I guess I realized those feelings aren't going anywhere, so it would be stupid to try and not acknowledge them anymore. It doesn't make that much of a difference at this point, whether you know or not." Just cause I hate lying, doesn't mean I'm shit at it.

"So, you gonna tell me who it is?" he asked while playfully elbowing me in the ribs.

"No!" That came out louder than I intended it to.

"Oh come on! I wanna know could possibly be so hot that he can make you switch teams. Is he gay?"

"I seriously doubt it. I've seen him with lots of girls over the years. He's been single for a while though. Not that I'm getting my hopes up or anything." I said, unable to keep my despair completely out of my voice.

Matt put his arm around my shoulder, just like he had so many times before. At least he isn't a homophobe; I had no reason to worry about him being disgusted or pulling away from me. I knew he was going to be there for me, just not in the way I so desperately wanted. I doubted he would be as understanding if he knew that it was him I was obsessing over. One sided feelings like that have the uncanny ability to make things awkward for people with more straight forward relationships than Matthew's and mine.

"How long have you been keeping an eye on this guy?"

"It's someone from school, obviously, he's kinda hard not to notice. So just because I haven't been drooling over him for years I've always known who he is." I was starting to get worried about telling him too much. Our school is pretty big and there are plenty of potential candidates, but what if I let something slip?

"Oh my god! Is it that Marcus guy? Even I can tell that he's pretty delicious."

"No, it's not him."

"Good; he's a total dick." After a short pause, he said; "You need to break up with Jane."

"Yeah, I know. I'd do it tomorrow, but she's going to visit her grandma. Guess it can wait till Sunday. I should head home, it's getting late." Reluctantly lifting my head off his warm shoulder, I went to get up. 

"You could stay here, you know. The guest bedroom is still made up for you, even if you haven't used it in months." Maybe it wasn't just him taking care of me; it looked like he'd missed having me stay over even if it only meant that there would be someone else sleeping down the hallway.

"Thanks, Matt. I can't tonight; I have to get the car back to dad. He needs it in the morning. How about we take that trip to the cabin next weekend instead of waiting till July?" I had no idea how I was gonna make it through a whole weekend with no one around but him, but I was excited all the same. Being around him was exquisite torture these days. It didn't matter either way, I needed him to feel like things were back to normal with us.

"Yeah, sounds good." He looked a little forlorn sitting there curled up in his bed. I reached over for a hug told him I was sorry for being such a shit. He waved it off and walked me out. 

Still feeling guilty for my behavior and for leaving him alone in that cold house, I said; "You doing anything tomorrow?" When he shook his head, I told him; "Good, then you're coming over to my house for dinner. Mom's been pestering me to invite you." She hadn't, but she'd love having him over again. He chuckled at my bossiness, but didn't object. 

Driving home, I wondered why Matt didn't have more close friends. He was a good guy, funny and reasonably intelligent. Okay, so I might be a little biased, but I honestly couldn't think of a single reason people didn't just flock around him. The two of us stick together mostly. We have friends we talk to at school, people we sit with at lunch and people we go to parties with, but mostly it's just the two of us. Obviously that had changed a little when I started going out with Jane, but I had made the same accommodations for Matt's girls before. His relationships normally didn't last as long as mine and Jane's had though, and I wondered if he'd felt left out. I knew for sure he'd never have told me if he did, not so long as he thought I was happy. 

What would he have done tomorrow night if I hadn't told him to come over to my house? What had he done all those weekends I had felt too conflicted to hang out with him? I felt horrible; what sort of shit boyfriend am I that I neglect and hurt not only my girlfriend, but also my best friend just because I was falling for him? Surely normal people don't hurt the people they love as categorically as I seemed to these days.




Falling for Matthew Ch. 02



Arriving home, I stumbled into bed. It was after two in the morning and I was utterly exhausted, but I was too keyed up to fall asleep right away. I lay there consumed by self loathing and guilt, only managing to calm down by promising myself I'd make it up to him. As usual, his face was the last image in my head before I fell asleep. No wonder I was immediately plunged into a dream where his eyes were looking up at me adoringly as he worked my boxers down over my hips.

Groaning, I raised my hips to help him undress me. He grasped me in his hand, his touch feeling infinitely better than Jane's had earlier. He licked my length, appearing to savor the taste of me, moaning slightly. This dream was different from the others though. Instead of lying back to let him do what he wanted to my body, I pulled him up to lie next to me. Cupping his face in my hands, I kissed him long and deep. It was a patient sort of kiss, but it got us excited nonetheless. 

"I love you" I whispered before turning him on his back so I could ravish him. He sighed contentedly and pulled me in for a close embrace. I kissed my way along his jaw and nibbled on his earlobe. As I kissed and gently bit my way down his throat, I slipped my hand into his boxers tracing the contours of his cock lightly with my fingertips, teasing him until he growled at me. Grinning up at him, I grasped him firmly and ran my thumb over his tip. Feeling my digit come away wet I couldn't wait to taste him. 

Kissing my way down the smooth skin of his torso, I pulled his boxers down his hips. Once they were out of the way, I settled between his legs. Teasing him shamelessly, I started lightly running my fingertips over the soft skin of his inner thighs at times almost brushing agains his delicious package. He groaned in frustration and I chuckled. Deciding to put him out of his misery, I gently cupped his balls in my left hand and grasped his cock firmly. He was oozing precum and I could tell I was in for a treat. I lowered my head deliberately slowly and stuck out my tongue to lap at his excitement.

The door slamming shut further down the hall was enough to wake me up, but not enough to get me alert straight away. I wasn't sure if the groan I heard came from Matt in my dream or from me in frustration at getting cut short. The feeling of the dream stuck with me for a little while longer, the warmth, tenderness and incredible eroticism of it made me yearn to fall asleep again. My erection crying out for attention wasn't about to let me do that however, and I doubted my brain would be so obliging as to let me pick up where Matt and I left off. 

Wait, what? Had I told Matt I loved him? Fair enough it was only a dream, but I hadn't acknowledged to myself that things had progressed that far. I would definitely have to break up with Jane now, as soon as possible. With a sigh, I got up. It was only 7.30 and I felt like I'd barely closed my eyes last night, but there was no way I was gonna get back to sleep now. Might as well go jerk off in the shower yet again. ­



Falling for Matthew Ch. 03



My Saturday consisted mainly of helping mum around the house for a bit and waiting for Matt to come over. Once he was in the door, it was obvious he'd missed hanging out here. As usual my reaction was an urge to pull him in for a hug, along with self-loathing for letting him down and anger at his parents for neglecting their only son for something as trivial as work. Mom waived off our offer to help out with dinner and we went into the backyard to enjoy one of the first summer days of the year. We spent some time catching up on the things that didn't naturally come up when we were hanging out at school. Before long, however, the subject of Jane could no longer be ignored and I wondered aloud at how I would go about dumping her. She hadn't done anything wrong and though she deserved an explanation I wasn't prepared to give her the real one. I'd only brought it up in the hope that Matt might have some helpful insights. Instead, he looked distinctly uncomfortable. 

"What is it?" I asked. 

"I don't know if I should tell you this." After a slight pause, he seemed to decide that he couldn't keep it from me after all. "I ran into Ashley while I was jogging this morning. You know what she's like; painfully obvious and so desperate to please me. I think she was just running out of things to keep talking to me about, but she said that she heard that Jane was seeing someone else." His words started tumbling out towards the end, like he was trying to spare me pain by telling me as quickly as possible.

"What?! Who?" The pain I was sure was coming hadn't registered yet, I was only shocked and fairly certain it wasn't true.

"She didn't say."

"I don't believe this. How would she possibly know if Jane was cheating on me? They're not exactly best friends."

"No, but Ashley is friends with Emma. Apparently Jane and Emma had a massive fight a couple weeks back and Emma no longer felt obliged to keep Jane's secrets." He looked like he was having a Sherlock Holmes moment.

"Jane never told me they had a fight. I did notice they weren't really talking to each other anymore though." I admitted; to my surprise the story was making sense so far.

"Think about it. Emma is one of the most easygoing girls we know, and Jane has been her best friend since they were four years old. Wouldn't you agree that Emma is more upset with Jane than the other way around?"

Not liking where this was heading, I simply said "Yes?"

"Think about it, what's the one thing that would get Emma so worked up that she wouldn't forgive Jane for weeks afterwards?"

"Well, I don't know!" 

"It's obviously to do with Steven!" Matt was still waiting for it to click in my head.

"Jane's step-brother?"

"Yes! Emma's been pining over that guy ever she met him at Jane's dad's wedding."

"Are you seriously saying that Jane's secretly seeing her own step-brother?" I was back to feeling disbelief now. 

"Yeah, well... It's not like it's illegal, just very inconvenient if and when they break up. Except..." he looked hesitant again.

"What?!" I was losing my patience now, if Matt knew the full story why wouldn't he just tell me?

"Emma wouldn't resent Jane this much if she had just fallen for him. Emma would probably just conclude that Jane would have to feel pretty strongly about him if she was willing to date someone that inconvenient."

"So, are you saying you don't think they're together?" sensing a window of hope and feeling hopelessly left out of the loop. I was now so worked up I thought I might puke.

"I'm saying I think they're just sleeping with each other." Studying his hands closely, Matt gave me a minute to take all this in. 

"But she's a virgin." My uncertainty made the statement come out as a barely audible whisper. 

"We don't know how long it's been going on, if I am right about this. It makes sense though. Their families would never go along with the two of them dating. Him being almost five years older than her is the least of their issues. What if she had you both to serve separate purposes?"

"I guess that makes sense, except for the fact that you've obviously forgotten that this is Jane we're talking about! She would never do that." The bile was rising in my throat and I knew I'd have to make a run for it to the bathroom soon if it didn't stop.

"Hey, you know I like Jane, but people cheat all the time and it's not like it's stamped on their foreheads. I'm not saying that she definitely did sleep with Steven, just don't assume that she didn't."

"I need a minute." I said before rushing to the bathroom to retch. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The rest of the day passed in a blur of emotional turmoil; I felt angry, but I was less sure who I was angry with. Matt tried to distract me from my noticeably bad mood by planning for the trip to the cabin. It cheered me up marginally, but it felt a bit tainted now. Life hadn't been smooth sailing for the past few months, but at least I'd felt like I was the one in the wrong. Now, one of the people closest to me had upset me, only time would tell who it was; Jane for cheating on me or Matt for making horrible and unfounded allegations. I was on edge and more eager to talk to Jane than I had been for ages. What would I say to her though? So, I hear you've been screwing your step-brother silly, any truth to that? Hardly. 

I let out a distracted sigh and Matt seemed to realize he wasn't going to succeed in cheering me up. He didn't stay long after dinner, and once he left the now familiar feeling of guilt was back. Today was supposed to be about us getting back to normal. Instead I'd been totally distracted by the potential infidelity of a girlfriend I'd admitted I wasn't overly keen on keeping around anyway. 

I texted him to let him know that I had taken his words on board, that I would try and look into it and that I was sorry for letting it ruin the day. He replied ten minutes later: "It's fine, you're allowed to be upset when someone says something like that about your girl, even when you're about to dump her..."

Matt might be giving me an out, but I didn't feel justified to take it. It was only 8.30, so I decided to pull myself together and ask him if it was okay for me to come over. I didn't have to wait long for him to reply; "Sure, if you feel up for it."

Grabbing a couple of DVDs on the way, I was out the door less than a minute later. I had my own toothbrush in the en suite of my usual guestroom, so I was pretty much set even if I decided to stay over. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When Matt opened the front door for me, I noticed that he looked like he'd aged several years in just a few months. He looked tired and even a little sickly, his skin was paler than usual and his eyes a little dull. While I may not have noticed before, I felt certain he'd looked that way for a while. 

"Are you okay? You don't look well." It had only been about an hour and a half since he left my place, so apparently I didn't feel the need to greet him before fretting over him. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just haven't been feeling great lately. I'm sure it's nothing." He shrugged it off and simply started walking towards his room.

I wasn't convinced that he was telling me the full story, but lately there so many things had been going unsaid between us that I felt like I had to let it go. "I brought a couple movies, but I thought we could plan for the trip some more." 

"I'm kinda tired, maybe we could just watch a movie tonight. We have all week to make plans."

"Sure, pick one." I said as I jumped on his bed. "I thought you said you were going to get a couch in here."

"Why? Is my bed not comfy enough for watching movies? Mom and dad don't want to buy any new furniture right now, apparently they wanna sell the house and move into an apartment closer to town once I move out." He was facing the TV, but I could hear the strain in his voice even without seeing his facial expression.

"They'll still keep a bedroom for you, won't they?" The fact that I even had to ask says a lot about what his parents are like. My own parents would never lay plans for the future that didn't involve me as much as possible; his were a completely different story.

"I'm sure they'd like a pretty big apartment, but if they find one they like that doesn't have enough room, I'm not sure they'd pass it up just to keep a spare bedroom for me." His shoulders slumped a little at the sting of potential parental abandonment. The fact that his parents didn't love him enough for him to be sure they'd want him around must be more painful than I could ever properly comprehend. 

"I'm sorry, man. You know you can always stay with us when we both head home for the holidays if you need to."

"Thanks," Matt shrugged, slipped a DVD into the player and came to sit next to me on the bed. While he fiddled with the remote, trying to find some way to skip the annoying previews and piracy warnings, I decided to stop being a coward.

"Are you sure you're okay? What's been going on?" I felt genuinely worried.

"It's nothing, I've just been getting a little dizzy lately. I'm sure I'm just tired, I haven't been sleeping well."

"And you haven't seen a doctor about this?"

"No, it's really not that bad. I don't need a doctor to tell me that I need to go to bed earlier."

"But you haven't been staying up later than usual, have you?"

"No, I just wake up a lot. Besides, I don't see you going to the doctor about your exhaustion. You look even more tired than I feel."

"Thanks a lot. But the difference is that I know why I can't sleep properly."

"Because you're crushing too hard to relax?" He looked like it took a lot of effort not to tease me.

"Yeah, pretty much." This was getting embarrassing quickly.

"I think I'm a little jealous. I haven't felt like that for a while" The DVD menu finally appeared on the screen and he started the movie. We'd seen it before though and I wasn't about to let the conversation die out.

"What's up with that? You haven't shown much interest in anyone for ages. Did Amy mess you up that bad?"

"She didn't mess me up, I dumped her! It's got nothing to do with that. I sort of fell for someone way out of my league and no one's been able to measure up since. I don't really see the point in dating someone just for the sake of it." He said it with no agenda, even though I'd basically admitted to doing just that with Jane, and for years too. 

I didn't know what to say, he noticed. "Hey, I didn't mean to imply that there's anything really wrong with that. You made the best out of the situation you were in and you've been a good boyfriend to her. You don't need to feel bad."

"I haven't been a good boyfriend to her though, not lately."

"And yet, you've probably been far nicer than she deserves..." he retorted gently.

"I don't want to talk about that till I know more." I said and returned my attention to the movie. I heard Matt sigh and couldn't tell if he was frustrated with me or just the situation. We watched the movie in silence. Eventually the tension slipped away and I could finally relax. 

At some point, I must have fallen asleep. I woke up feeling groggy and realized my head was resting on Matt's shoulder. His cheek was resting against the top of my head and his deep breathing indicated that he too had fallen asleep. Too comfortable to move, I gently snuggled a little closer and just reveled in the moment until I fell asleep again. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A slamming car door woke me early the next morning. For a minute I was disoriented and a little confused. It was a first for me, waking up with my head resting on Matt's shoulder, curled up next to his warm, solid body. 

It was an immensely pleasant start to the day, and it only got better when I realized that Matt must have woken up at some point; the TV was off, but he hadn't woken me and told me to head down the hallway to my usual bedroom. Instead he must have helped me lie down so I wouldn't get a stiff neck. His bed may not be very narrow, but it certainly wasn't big enough for the two of us to sleep on it without touching. The faint possibility that he had somehow had a hand in my current position made my heart give a squeeze. Still wearing my jeans, I didn't need to worry much about him noticing my morning wood even if he did wake up. I simply smiled happily and snuggled a little closer. 

Despite it being early in the morning, I felt more rested than I had in a long time. Daring a quick glance at Matt's face, I thought he looked as if he was deeply asleep. Perhaps he'd gotten a better night's sleep than he usually did as well. I almost chuckled when I thought I could offer my services as a bedwarmer for him if it meant that he'd get some rest. The fact that I'd get to snuggle up to him was of course only an added bonus that couldn't be helped.

I was yanked out of my playful train of thought when he stirred. Please don't wake up, not yet! Thankfully, he didn't. He simply put his arms around me and let out a, to my hopeful ears, contented sigh. It was the single happiest moment of my life, only tainted by the knowledge that it would only last as long as he remained asleep and unaware. Joy seemed to radiate through my body to my very bones and I ached to run my hands over his body. An hour or so of blissful torture later, I fell asleep again. 

When I woke up, I could hear the shower running and Matt was no longer next to me in bed. Hoping things wouldn't be awkward now, I decided I would just pretend I'd slept through the night. Just as I was starting to worry about what he thought about how we'd spent the night, I heard him singing to himself in the shower. I smiled and relaxed back against the pillows, if he was singing in the shower he couldn't have minded too much. Deciding it would be easier if he didn't catch me cuddling his pillow, I headed downstairs and poured myself some cereal. 

I'd barely sat down at the table when Matt joined me. As he grabbed his own bowl of cereal, I noted that he looked like he had indeed gotten a good night's sleep. It pleased me immensely. Feeling daring, I said; "You look like you slept well."

"Yeah, I did." he replied simply, giving me a small smile as he sat down across from me. "So, Jane's back in town today. Are you gonna go talk to her?"

His question prompted the abrupt departure of my appetite. I pushed my bowl away, sighed and said; "I suppose I should just get it over with."

"Are you gonna ask her about Steven?"

"I don't really want to, but I know it's gonna bug me if I don't. And what if she is sleeping with him, and I dump her because I'm into someone else, and then I'm the bad guy. I'm not sure I could deal with that if I was wondering if she cheated on me."

"I wish there was something I could do to help."

"I know." 

There wasn't much left to say after that, and I got ready to go home after we tidied up our breakfast things. At the door, Matt gave me a quick hug and told me it would work out one way or another.



Falling for Matthew Ch. 04



"Are you dating Steven behind my back?" Oops. I'd planned to ease into it slightly more elegantly than that. 

Jane's jaw dropped in surprise; clearly she wasn't used to being accused of dating her step-brother first thing in the morning as she answered the door.

"Do you wanna come in and maybe keep your voice the fuck down?" she hissed.

I followed her to her room, she was so pissed I could feel it coming off her in waves. I was starting to seriously doubt that there was any truth to Matt's allegations. My own anger was disappearing quickly, intense discomfort replacing it. Oh well, no one ever said breaking up with someone should be a pleasant experience. 

"What did you hear and who did you hear it from?" she said once she'd closed her bedroom door.

She wasn't strictly allowed to keep her door closed when I was there, but there was no chance we were having this conversation with the door open. We were more likely to scream at each other than tear each other's clothes off anyway. 

"Matt heard from Ashley that you were seeing someone."

"And you figured you'd just come over to my house and accuse me of dating my own step-brother?"

"Not exactly. I didn't mean to bring it up like that, but Matt figured that it would have to be about Steven, one way or another."

"And why is that?" She sounded pretty exasperated. 

"Because Emma is still pissed at you." I didn't know how much I could say without getting Matt in trouble. 

"Yes, well that's between Emma and me." 

"So, you're saying that there's nothing going on between you and Steven then?"

She looked distinctly uncomfortable. 

"Right, I guess we're done here." I said quietly and made to leave.

"No, wait. I haven't cheated on you. I just told Emma that I didn't want her to make a pass at him either. I can't help it, but it would make me kinda jealous if they hooked up."

Throwing caution to the wind, I said; "And you're sure that's all there is to it? Cause Matt was pretty convinced that the only way easy-going Emma would be that upset with you is if you were screwing him."

"Well, Matt isn't always as clever as he likes to think. Just because you worship the ground he walks on, doesn't make him any more right." she said hotly.

"Fine, I believe you." Feeling slightly appeased, but knowing that I couldn't leave yet, I was uncertain as to how to proceed. I settled on sitting down by her desk. 

Sensing that our problems weren't resolved yet, she asked; "What is it?"

I let out a sigh and ran my fingers through my hair, I'm pretty sure I was stalling. "I want you to know that I'm sorry about accusing you like that. You're a nice girl and when Matt voiced his concerns to me it took some convincing before I was willing to consider it. You've been a great girlfriend to me and we've had some good times together. I'm sure you've noticed I haven't been a great boyfriend to you lately though." 

My hands had settled in my lap, and I was staring at them pretty intently for most of my speech. As I looked up at her, I saw that she'd taken a seat at the end of the bed. She looked expectant, as if she was going to get the answers to questions she'd been carrying around for a while. 

"I have been wondering what was going on with you. You never wanted to talk about it, so I let it go. If I'm honest, it kinda hurt that you wouldn't tell me." she admitted.

"I'm sorry, it wasn't something I felt I could share with you. It was unfair of me to put it off for so long and I'm really sorry that I hurt you. If I could do it over again, I would have had this talk with you a lot earlier."

"Are you gonna tell me now though?"

"I suppose I kinda have to. I'm trusting you with this, even though you could really screw me over if you get angry with me after I'm done telling you."

"Thanks, I think..." she said and gave a little chuckle.

Taking a deep breath, I said; "Okay, here goes. I'm pretty sure I've fallen for Matt." 

"Oh." was all she could say in response.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for it to happen and I'm so sorry that was too wrapped up in my own stuff to realize that I was hurting you. I know I was cold and distant, and you hadn't done anything to deserve that. I hate myself for saying this, but I have to; please please don't tell him. Or anyone else for that matter." I implored her.

"Of course I won't tell anyone. I'm just a little surprised is all." She certainly did seem surprised, I couldn't detect a trace of anger anywhere in her wide open eyes. Slowly her eyebrows started to settle in their usual place.

"Trust me; I didn't see it coming either."

"No, I didn't mean I like that. I just thought that you'd decided that nothing was gonna happen between you two ages ago. I always thought you loved him more than me, and that you'd settled for me because he's straight."

It was my turn to be stunned. "What? I've only felt this way for a few months." 

"It's not my place to tell you about your feelings, but you guys have always been really close and I've seen the way you look at him. Trust me, this goes way back. You may have been feeling it more lately for some reason, but I doubt that this is a completely recent development."

Seeing my confusion and increasing distress at her words, she came over and sat gingerly on my lap. I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face in her hair. 

"You must be the most understanding girlfriend in the world. I've been a shit boyfriend to you and here you are comforting me." 

She chuckled again and said; "I sort of feel better about everything now that you've explained it. At least now I know I wasn't always just someone you were with just because you couldn't be with him." 

I pulled back a little so I could look her in the eye. "You never were. Ever."

"Thank you." she replied and kissed me lightly on the forehead. "Maybe you should go talk to him about this."

"I can't do that. There's no way he feels the same way, and it would only make things awkward."

"He will have noticed you behaving differently too. You've been pretty withdrawn in general lately, I'm sure it's been hurting him too." she said gently.

I couldn't meet her eye as I said; "I told him I'd kinda fallen for a guy at school and it was messing with my head a little."

"Jake! You know that's not doing anybody any good!" she was using her kindergarten-teacher-voice now. I hate it when she does that; it always ensures that I feel like I'm in the wrong, which I usually am. 

"He's not going to thank you for keeping this from him. Shouldn't you respect him enough to make up his own mind about how to deal with this?"

"I respect and care about him enough that I want to spare him the awkwardness of dealing with unreciprocated feelings." I wasn't going to give in this time; there was no way in hell I was gonna tell Matt about this. 

"You know, for someone who hates lying you sure have been doing it a lot lately." she said evenly. 

Making a conscious effort to not get defensive and angry with her, I said in an embarrassingly trembling voice; "I'm trying to make the best of a difficult situation here." 

"I know, sweetie." she relented and gave me a hug. 

"Since we're being all honest and sharing... What is the deal with Emma and this whole Steven thing?"

She squirmed around a little before replying; "Well, at the wedding both Emma and I hung out with him pretty much the whole day. There weren't that many guests our age and it felt kind of appropriate that I get to know my new step-brother better. I think Emma and I both sort of fell for him that day. And we haven't been able to shake it since."

"Wow, didn't your dad and Ellen go to Greece for their fifth anniversary last year?"

"Yeah, so Emma figured that it was time I put it behind me seeing as I'm not dumb enough to try anything with him. She's been waiting for me to get over him so she can make a move. Finally she ran out of patience and we had a pretty big fight. She said I was unfair to deny her the chance to get together with him when I was in a long term relationship with you anyway." She sounded heartbreakingly sad.

"I'm sorry. You think you guys are gonna make up?"

"I don't know. It might sting her less now that you and I have broken up, but I doubt it'll fix everything."

"If it turned out he felt the same way about you, would you still hold off because he's your step-brother?" I asked.

"I'd like to say yes, but I doubt I have that kind of willpower." Jane admitted, before going on to say; "I still think you should tell Matt."

"Fine, how about this; I'll tell Matt when you talk to Steven about how you feel." I grinned, feeling confident that she'd never take me up on my offered deal.

"We're a sad pair, aren't we?" she said as she got off my lap. 

"Absolutely." I admitted. 

"Are you hanging out with Matt today?"

"I wasn't planning to. I just came from his place."

At that she raised an eyebrow and whistled jokingly. "Someone did the walk of shame this morning."

"Knock it off, I slept in the guestroom the same way I always do." I lied through my teeth. I was not about to put up with her teasing me for sleeping with Matt last night, even if it was only in the most innocent sense possible. 

"You could still hang out with him today, you know. I know you're probably dying to spend as much time with him as possible, and he's been lonely lately. I'm sure he'd appreciate it." She gave me a nudge.

"Well if you're that eager to get rid of me, I think I might just do that." Being handed permission, and a reason, to spend time with Matt, I wasn't turn it down. 

As I got up to leave I said; "I still can't believe how understanding you're being about all of this. Thank you for everything, and I do mean for all of it. We had some good years together, didn't we? Especially considering, you know..."


"We did. I was too good for you though." she joked weakly and smiled sadly. 

I pulled her in for a hug, our last before the break-up settled over us and we felt distanced from each other. She put her arms around me and pressed her whole body against mine in the kind of warm, heartfelt hug only she could seem to manage. She always gave the best hugs; people talk about the importance of a firm handshake, but since knowing Jane I've learned to appreciate a proper, firm hug. Jane always hugged back actively, and it made the world of difference to the polite hugs that are endured and tolerated more than they are appreciated. I realized I was going to miss this, miss her. I hadn't expected that. 

As the hug ended, I felt daring and leaned in for one last kiss. She allowed it and kissed me back. It was a warm, dry kiss. Considering how chaste it was, I was surprised to find myself responding to her more than I had for months, and had to pull back before I got too into it. Not acting like an asshole seemed to require conscious effort quite often these days. I stroked her cheek gently and stared into her eyes silently for a second before leaving her house for the last time. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

As I got into the car, I decided to take Jane's advice and see if Matt was up for hanging out today. I got my phone out and called him. Receiving no answer, I decided to drive over to his house anyway. It wasn't far out of my way and it seemed a little unlikely he would be up to anything. My assumption made me a little sad; his life seemed so empty sometimes. 

Parking on his street, I tried calling him again. Still no answer. Figuring he might be in the shower or something, I went around the back of the house and let myself in through the kitchen door. 

"Matt? You home?" I called out. 

That's when I noticed the carton of orange juice lying on its side on the kitchen counter, a pool of orange juice covering most of the countertop and extending to the floor. Stepping around the corner of the bench I spotted Matt unconscious on the floor.

"Matt! Oh my god!" 

I rushed over and kneeled in the bright yellow puddle next to him. Shaking him lightly seemed to do the trick almost immediately. I felt faint myself with pure relief. He opened his eyes groggily, but seemed to come to with surprising speed after that. 

"Can you hear me?" I asked, still a bit shaky.

"Yeah." he replied, his voice breaking on the single word.

"What happened?"

"I was taking out the trash and I felt a bit dizzy. I figured I might be dehydrated or something and went to get a glass of orange juice." He paused. "It must have gotten worse."

"Does it feel like you hurt your head when you fell?"

"Yes, can you see any blood?"

"No, but we're going to the ER as soon as you can stand up." I said firmly. "How are you feeling now?"

"I just have a headache from the fall, I think." he said. 

"Okay, why don't we try and get you to stand up?" 

Deciding it would probably be best to let him be in charge of his own body parts, I am in no way experienced enough to do anything but be in the way, I hovered just behind him, ready to grab him if he looked like he was gonna fall again. 

"Slowly now. That's it" I said encouragingly.

Once he was upright, I held his arm to keep him steady. 

"I should probably change into some dry clothes before we go." he said, sounding almost back to normal. 

"Yeah, we're probably going to have to wait for a while before we get to see a doctor. You think you can manage, or do you need help?"

"I feel alright, it should be fine." he said and walked slowly towards his bedroom, holding onto the countertop and furniture as he went.

I watched him worriedly until he rounded to corner. I grabbed the paper towels and started mopping up the orange juice. Only taking care of the worst of it, I was finished pretty quickly. I got my phone out and called home to let them know what was going on. Mom answered the phone, by the end of the call she sounded almost as worried as I felt. She told me to bring him home to our house afterwards, provided they didn't want to admit him for the night. As I hung up, Matt was back, dressed in dry clothes once more. 

"You wanna borrow something dry to wear?" he asked.

I'd completely forgotten about my own juice soaked clothes and said; "Yeah, that'd be good. I can manage my way around you wardrobe. Sit down and I'll be back in a minute."

I practically ran to his room, chucked on the first pair of sweatpants I came across and sprinted back to the kitchen to help him into the car. 

I've never had a tougher time staying below the speed limit. I was so anxious to get him to the hospital, but getting him injured in a car accident on the way there was hardly going to make him healthier.

The ER was quieter than I had expected and a nurse showed us to a bed Matt could rest on almost straight away. Fifteen minutes later a young, male doctor came to see us. Matt was resting his eyes and didn't see him coming. I, however, practically leaped out of my chair when I saw him. I felt utterly helpless, now that I had gotten him to the hospital, there was nothing more I could do for him. Unsure what to say or do, I just stood there and watched him approach. 

"Hi, I'm doctor Peters." he said and shook my hand and then Matt's. Directing his attention to Matt, he continued; "Would you prefer if we discuss your reason for visiting us today in private?"

"No, it's okay. Jake can stay."

"Okay then. I see that you lost consciousness for a little while. How are you feeling now? Are you lightheaded or dizzy at all?"

"No, I feel fine. My head hurts a little from when I fell, but that's it. Jake was sort of insistent that he take me to the hospital though."

"And good thing he was. People don't normally faint for no reason." doctor Peters replied with a smile.

I felt some of my anxiety ease up. I'd done the right thing in bringing him here, but the doctor didn't look too worried about the situation. But he hasn't even looked at Matt properly yet. What does he know? I probably looked more ill than Matt at that point; I've never coped well with stressful situations like this, that's Matt's area.

The doctor got his little torch out and checked Matt's eyes for pupil reaction. He seemed satisfied with the result. 

"Can you remember feeling lightheaded before you fainted?"

"Yeah, I was a little dizzy and I had a headache so I got up to get a glass of juice and the room started spinning a little."

"It sounds like you might be anemic. We'll run some blood tests to make sure. In the meantime, we need to check if you have a concussion from the fall. Do you feel nauseous at all?"

"A little, but I think I was feeling sick before I fell as well." Matt replied.

"Are your ears ringing, or do you have any unusual trouble with your vision?"

"It's kinda hard to focus my eyes on anything for too long. I think I'm just tired though." Matt said, he looked it too.

"You weren't tired this morning" I interjected. 

"From the sounds of it, you might have a minor concussion. We aren't too backed up today, so I'd like to send you up for a CT-scan just to be on the safe side. Your boyfriend can go grab a cup of coffee in the cafeteria or something in the meantime. We should be back here in about 45 minutes."

I was too stunned to say anything, but I practically yanked back the hand I'd subconsciously placed on Matt's shoulder and shoved it in my pocket. The doctor was leafing through the paperwork in his hands and didn't catch my movement. I could tell Matt was trying a little too hard to ignore my reaction. Neither of us corrected doctor Peters though, it would only make things awkward. What difference did it make, really?

"I'll wait in the cafeteria. See you when you get back." I said quietly and slipped out as a nurse materialized out of nowhere to help get Matt up for his CT.



Falling for Matthew Ch. 05



They returned from Matt's CT an hour later. The doctor seemed pretty satisfied that he would recover fully and that he only sustained a minor concussion. 

"You need to be more careful of what and how much you eat. Anemia can turn pretty serious if you don't look after yourself." the doctor said as he was getting Matt's paperwork ready for us to leave.

"Don't worry; he won't get the option of neglecting his diet again." I said firmly. I didn't care if it made me sound like an overprotective boyfriend, I was going to make sure he stayed healthy and strong.

"Good. Now the concussion is only minor, but I wouldn't recommend you sleeping alone tonight. If you start to feel nauseous and have to throw up more than twice, you need to come back in here. Also, I would strongly recommend that you don't drive for at least a week."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Matt was quiet on the drive over to my house. His eyes were drooping and he looked exhausted. As I parked the car, I suggested he go up to my room and take a nap. We don't have a spare bedroom and I had to get the mattress down from the attic, so he'd have to take his nap in my bed. Normally he would have insisted that it could wait until we'd wrestled the mattress downstairs together, but today he just nodded his head and went to my room.

I decided I could get the mattress when dad came home, so I wouldn't have to do it by myself. Instead I went to the kitchen and got a glass of water for Matt, along with the bottle of aspirin. I found him curled into a ball on top of the covers on my bed. He seemed more alert now, although he looked just as tired. He looked up at me as I put the glass and the aspirin on the nightstand.

"You know, it feels really weird to be so tired after sleeping so well last night." he said quietly.

"I'm sure it does. You've been through a lot since then though." was all I could say in response as I didn't know if we were still pretending that we didn't share a bed last night.

"I think another sleep like that would really make me feel better." he said and shifter over a little bit, making room for me.

I guess we're done pretending then, I thought and silently laid down next to him. I could hardly believe it as he wrapped his arms around me and moved my head to rest on his shoulder the way it had this morning. It was pure bliss and it seemed that he felt the same way; less than five minutes later he was snoring softly. I, however, was way too pepped up to even contemplate napping. 

Laying this close to him was pure bliss and my chest felt like it wasn't properly up to the task of containing all my emotions at the moment. Knowing that he had purposely initiated this made all the difference in the world and I was free to enjoy the moment without worrying about him waking up. 

Much too soon, I heard my parents come home. Every other Sunday, they would walk over to visit some friends that lived just a few streets away. Knowing they would notice our shoes in the hall, I made myself get up and tell them what the doctor said.

"There you are! Where's Matthew?" mom said as soon as she spotted me. 

"He's sleeping in my room. He was really tired."

"What did they say at the hospital?" dad said to my surprise.

"They reckon he's anemic and that he may have sustained a minor concussion when he fainted. They won't know for sure until they get the blood-work back, but a healthier diet should do the trick."

"Oh good, nothing to worry about then." dad said, clearly putting the matter behind him.

"Anemia can be very serious, Phil!" mum chastised. "That boy needs someone to look after him. He may look and sound all grown up, but he can't always be the one who takes care of everyone else."

"His parents are thinking about moving into an apartment in the fall. Matt's not sure they'll get one with room for him." I told her, my anger creeping into my voice. "I told him he can come home with me for the holidays. I hope that's okay."

"Of course it is, honey. That boy has been part of this family since the first day of school. Good thing too, those parents of his don't deserve him." Mum sounded unusually fierce, and I loved her for it.

Hugging her, I said; "Thanks." I would have thanked her for being nothing like Matt's mum, but I was a teenage boy after all; I had to stay somewhat in character or she would die of shock.

"What do you think he would like for dinner?" she asked.

"Not sure, it probably doesn't matter as long as there's plenty of it. Make it something healthy?"

"Steak and veggies it is, then."

"Sounds good. I'm gonna go check on him." I said and headed upstairs.

"I'll start on dinner in an hour or so." she called after me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When I got to my room, Matt was awake and sitting on the bed. 

"You're up. How are you feeling?"

"Better." he replied. "I heard you talk to your mom. She's very kind."

"She worries about you." I hesitated before almost inaudibly adding; "Almost as much as I do."

Trying not to blush, knowing it would only make my statement that much more revealing, I sat down on the bed next to him. 

"Dinner should be ready in an hour and half. You wanna try and get some more sleep before then?"

He shrugged. "Not sure. I could sleep more, but I don't feel like I need to."

"I could put on a movie." I suggested.

"Sounds good."

I put on a movie we'd both seen before and sat down next to him on the bed. Five minutes later he was snoring softly. I chuckled and moved a little closer so he could rest his head on my shoulder. It felt so good to be able to look after him that I didn't even feel guilty about it.

When I heard mom call up the stairs that dinner was ready, I gently shook him awake and we went down to dinner where both mom and I proceeded to be pretty obvious about offering him second and third helpings of everything. After dinner, I got dad to help me get the mattress down to my room. As Matt helped me make the bed, I asked him what he wanted to do with the rest of the evening. 

"I don't really know. It's still kinda hard to focus my eyes properly on anything. If you wanna read or watch TV that's fine, but I think I'll just rest if that's okay." he said and lied down on the mattress.

Deciding to read, I got my book from my desk and carefully maneuvered my way around the spare mattress now occupying almost all of the floor space.

"Did you call your parents yet?" I asked as I got into bed.

"Yeah, they didn't answer. I'll try again tomorrow." 

The flatness of his tone made me long to wrap my arms around him; he sounded so painfully unsurprised. "When do they get back?"

"Dad gets home on Tuesday and I think mum comes back Thursday night."

He seemed to settle for the night soon after that and I read for a couple hours before turning off the light. I lay in the dark just listening to him breathe for a while. It turned out he hadn't been sleeping, when he whispered; "You awake?"

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I can't sleep..."

"Did you want me to help you out with that?" I asked, feeling my stomach tighten with excitement. I held my breath as I waited for him to say yes.

He didn't. Instead he just crawled into my bed silently. It took me by surprise, but I was more than happy to make room for him. Because I was already occupying most of the space he was the one to rest his head on my shoulder this time, but that suited me just fine. I put my arms around him and rested my cheek against the top of his head. All the excitement of the day must have taken it out of me too, I was out like a light much sooner than I would have liked.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The week passed quickly and Matt recovered in no time. He was over for dinner at my house more often than not; mom was hellbent on making sure his blood-work came back normal after his check up next week. His quick recovery meant that he'd slept in his own house, and I was shocked at how much I missed him after such a short time. 

Our schooldays were mind-numbingly ordinary and it was like the weekend had never happened with the exception of the improvement to Matt's diet and the absence of Jane. We excitedly planned for the weekend while I quietly contemplated Jane's advice about telling Matt about my feelings for him. The very idea was terrifying, but there was a hopeful little voice in my head saying that what happened last weekend couldn't have been entirely platonic. It was almost completely drowned out by the other voices in my head screaming that I was an idiot for reading too much into what happened. 

On Wednesday, Jane caught up to me in the hallway with an urgent; "So, have you told him yet?"

"I never said I was going to tell him!" I hissed back at her. We were surrounded by people and I guess you could say I didn't feel entirely comfortable discussing this here. 

"I know, but I thought you might have seen sense since then." She smiled at me sweetly.

"Yes, well I'm not willing to take a risk like that."

"That's a shame." she said as the bell rang.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Friday afternoon we put our stuff in dad's car and headed north to the cabin. Matt looked pretty exhausted and fell asleep quickly. I drove in silence, content to simply have him near me. It felt right and I was certain we'd have a good time. Jane's advice had stuck with me, but there was no way I was going to take it. 

He woke up as I turned onto the unpaved road leading up to the lake. It was a little after seven o'clock and the golden sunlight streaming through the trees made the whole area look nicer than I'd ever seen it before. It was Matt's first time here, and I was glad that he could see it looking this nice. Hopefully the weather would stay this nice all weekend so we wouldn't be cooped up inside all the time. 

We got our stuff out of the car and settled into the cabin for the weekend. As we were putting the food away we discovered a surprising amount of beer left in the fridge. We decided to make the most of the free alcohol and headed out on the deck to drink and watch the sun go down. We didn't bother dragging the chairs out and just sat down with our feet dangling over the edge.

For a while we didn't say much; I was tired and Matt seemed a little pensive. I was already starting to get tipsy when he asked; "How did it go with Jane at school this week? Are you guys cool?"

"Yeah, if anything we get along better than before. I mean, we're not best friends or anything, but I told her I was into someone else and she was pretty much fine with that."

"That's the impression I got too, but it just seemed a little unlikely that things would go that smoothly." he said while staring out over the water.

"It didn't start out that great. You could say I didn't ease into the whole Steven thing very elegantly. We both got a little angry." I said and washed away my lingering shame from the encounter with a mouthful of beer.

"Fair enough. I'm sorry I doubted her." he said, looking a little shamefaced himself.

"It's fine. Imagine if you hadn't said anything and you were right." I replied calmly.

"I apologized to Jane about it yesterday."

"So are you okay now?" I hadn't noticed any hard feelings between the two of them, so his apology came as a surprise.

"Yeah, she said she would have done the same thing if she was in my position. I actually ended up talking to her for a while." 

"What about?" I asked impatiently as he finished his bottle before continuing.

"The breakup and her fight with Emma, but mostly about you."

"Oh yeah? Do I want to know what she said?" I was starting to feel decidedly uneasy about where this was heading.

"She didn't say anything bad, she's honestly not mad at you. She just said that she thought you were keeping something from me that maybe you shouldn't. She wouldn't tell me what it was though." he said as he got up. "I'm gonna grab another beer. Do you want one?"

"Sure," I said, even as I got my phone out to text Jane. 

"Don't yell at her. She meant well. If you don't wanna tell me, then I'm not gonna make you." he said as he walked back inside.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, I leaned back and watched the early stars coming out while I waited for him to get back with the beers. I knew he meant what he said and that the decision to tell him would ultimately be mine, but I still didn't like having the topic brought up. I was annoyed, but truly well-meaning people are difficult to get angry with and I was having a hard time directing it at anybody but myself. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The night was warm and we stayed outside for the next few hours while working our way through the majority of the beer in the fridge. We talked about everything and nothing, but I couldn't seem to stop thinking about what Jane had told Matt. Eventually, I couldn't help myself anymore and got my phone out to text Jane: "Have you told Steven how you feel???" Sarcasm never travels well in writing, but this time I couldn't think of a way around it.

After a while, we were both on our backs quietly watching the stars spin slightly. Thinking Matt had fallen asleep, I turned my head to look at him. His eyes were halfway closed, but he was looking straight at me. Just as I was working up the strength to look away, he slowly reached out and carefully put his hand on my cheek. I was stunned.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked in a whisper. When I couldn't think of anything to say, he continued; "Did you think I'd hurt your feelings?"

It was clear the cat was well and truly out of the bag, so there was not much to do but fess up, so I said; "I didn't want to make it awkward for you. I'd hate it if it ruined everything else."

He was stroking the side of my face lightly with his fingertips now, and it was seriously messing with my head.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I thought that was obvious." he replied and rolled over on his side so that he was right next to me. "Why do you think I've been single for so long? I was waiting for you." he said simply and leaned down and kissed me with surprising hesitation.

My brain wasted precious seconds just processing what was happening, before I could even begin to register the sensations of the kiss. His lips were feather light, soft and dry, gently coaxing my own to respond to him. All conscious thought left me as I responded to him with every fibre of my being. My hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer to me. My breath caught as the kiss grew more intense. As my lips started moving in tandem with his, his stubble brushed against them in a delicious and brand new texture.

My enthusiasm seemed to spur him on, and he rolled his body further over so that he was halfway on top of me. I loved it. His hands moved from my face and travelled down my body. I moaned as he squeezed my erection. He chuckled at that and I bit his lower lip gently in return. Apparently he liked that because he let out a moan almost identical to mine. Just as he seemed to really get into it, he stood up and reached out a hand indicating for me to do the same. 

"We better take this inside." he said in response to my puzzled expression. 

It didn't take me long to comply and we practically raced to the master bedroom. I was barely in the room before he started tearing my clothes off. Once he pulled my shirt over my head, his lips bore down on me again. Despite his impatience he was surprisingly tender as he landed a trail of kisses along my jaw before settling just below my ear, nibbling and sucking on that delicious sweet spot. 

I got lost to the bliss of it again until the realization that I was almost naked and he was still fully clothed hit me and shyness set in. Deciding against covering up and instead opting for getting him naked, I started pulling at his clothes. Noticing my efforts to undress him, he somewhat reluctantly ended his efforts to give me a hickey and helped me out. 

Once we were both naked, there was a moment of hesitation. We both knew this was it and that there was no going back if we didn't stop now. It didn't matter how much I loved him or that I was hornier than ever before, I was still terrified. Luckily, Matt took charge of the situation once again. He pulled me in for a hug and whispered almost inaudibly in my ear "I love you." before pulling back slightly so he could look at me. 

The sense of fear and insecurity that I could read in his eyes made all the difference. I practically pounced on him and suddenly I was the one who was in charge. I wanted him so much it hurt, I physically couldn't get close enough. Running my hands through his hair and kissing him like a madman, I could feel my body burning for him. I don't even remember getting into bed, but all of a sudden there we were. He pulled me up short when he got a firm grip on my erection; the sensation was almost too much. I wasn't so much worried that I was going to cum too soon, more that it was going to be painful when I did. I gently moved his hand away and rolled him onto his back. 

Sensing that I was taking charge of the proceedings, he said; "Hey, I was gonna play with that!" and reached for my cock again. I tried to swat his hand away, but he simply rolled back towards me and flipped me on my back and started kissing his way down my chest.

Getting a little frustrated now, I said; "I was looking forward to tasting you."

As he reached my bellybutton, he replied; "I bet I've been dreaming about this for a lot longer than you, so will you just shut up and let me suck you?"

He didn't wait for a response, and all conscious thought left my head as my cock was enveloped in his hot mouth. Just as I was getting into it properly, he lifted his head again and looked me in the eye.

"Shit, I've been dying to do that for so long that I just dove in. I've fantasized about going down on you so many times, I had it all planned out, and now I finally get to do it and I totally lose control."

My heart swelled so much at this, I couldn't think of anything to say so I just stroked his cheek gently and relaxed back against the pillows. If he wanted to take his time and make this as pleasurable as possible, then I certainly wasn't going to stop him.

Grasping the base of my cock firmly, he seemed to savor the taste as he licked me all over. Sucking gently on the head and tonguing the slit, he moaned in appreciation before looking up at me again saying quietly; "You're absolutely delicious, Jake." 

My balls were throbbing, and I found myself groaning; "Please." and resting my hand gently on the back of his head. As Matt swallowed as much of my cock as he could manage and started to suck me in earnest, I found I couldn't help myself from thrusting gently into his hot mouth. My legs, bent at the knees, were spread as far as they would go as I gave myself over to him completely.

I wasn't the only one getting lost in the blow job; Matt was bobbing his head up and down enthusiastically, and every now and then he'd grunt happily. As he got more into it, he was able to take me further into his mouth. Eventually, he moved his hand away and swallowed most of my length. I could feel his tight throat on my cock head and I knew I wasn't going to last much longer.

It didn't help my situation when he cupped my balls gently and started kneading them in a way that made me make a mental note to reciprocate; it was clearly a technique he'd perfected while practicing on himself over the years. It felt absolutely amazing, so much so that I was fairly disappointed when his hand trailed further down towards my perineum. He tickled me there for a few seconds before pulling away. 

He chuckled as I groaned in disappointment and looked at him with grudging eyes. He smiled at me good-naturedly and stuck his finger in his mouth briefly before getting back to work on my cock. My whole crotch was tingling so much from his ministrations that I nearly didn't notice the naughty little index finger trailing downwards towards my asshole. I could feel my balls start to contract as my cum seemed to be boiling to escape my body. 




Falling for Matthew Ch. 05



As his finger touched my opening for the first time, my body spasmed lightly and we groaned in unison. He drew as much of my cock down his throat as he could one last time, before plunging his finger in my ass. My orgasm erupted violently from my body instantly. I could feel the immense pressure from my balls leaking from my body as my cum squirted into Matt's hot mouth. Shivers ran up and down my spine for almost a full minute, my balls contracting, trying to squirt more cum into his welcoming mouth long after they were empty.

When I finally regained control of my body, Matt relinquished his hold on my cock and put his head to rest on my hip. I just lay there for several minutes recovering from the most intense orgasm I've ever had while running my fingers gently through his hair. When I had finally collected myself enough to speak, I croaked out; "Thank you, that was amazing."

He grinned. "You're welcome. Now can I play with you some more or are you too sensitive?"

I looked at him incredulously. "You can try, but I doubt you'll get much of a response at this point. I've never cum so hard in my life."

He promptly started lapping at my cock and balls until they were spotless. He seemed to be reveling in the taste of me, I absolutely loved the look on his face as he cleaned me. Once he was satisfied that I was clean once more, he gently nudged my legs further apart. On his knees, between my legs, he sucked my balls gently into his mouth before he headed south and tried to give me a hickey in the sweet spot right below my balls. I could hardly believe it when I felt the tingling start up again. 

Once he got me halfway erect, he told me to turn over. As I lay on my stomach, he moved up to sit on my hips and grabbed a bottle of hand lotion off the nightstand. Just as I was starting to wonder if he was going to fuck me, he caught me by surprise. Instead of lubing up his cock, he spread the lotion on his hands and got to work massaging my neck and shoulders. Taking his time, he worked his strong hands all over my upper back before working his thumbs along both sides of my spine. It wasn't much of a turn on, but it was utter bliss nonetheless. 

When he reached the small of my back, he moved down to straddle my thighs before rubbing the last of the lotion into my hips and ass. At this point, I was half asleep. I had always found cumming to be an excellent way to cure for insomnia, and my massive orgasm coupled with his sensual massage was efficiently putting me to sleep. 

"I'm sorry, I can't take it anymore. I feel like my cock is going to fall off. Can you, would you suck me off? I just need to cum quickly so I can focus on you again." He looked embarrassed to even be asking.

Surprise woke me up instantly. "Of course!" I said and flipped over. I was puzzled by his embarrassment, if anything I was the one who should be embarrassed. The thought of being selfish in bed with the man I loved was not pleasant, but I certainly hadn't intended to just lie back and let him make me feel good without returning the favor. He'd just been doing such a good job at it, that I couldn't focus on anything else. Realizing this was the time to put that right, I fully intended to give him a fantastic blow job in return. It wasn't to be however. His cock was barely in my mouth before it erupted. 

"Oh God!" Matt cried as he pumped my mouth full of his sperm. I swallowed to the best of my abilities, feeling a little cheated for not being able to return the favor. His orgasm wasn't anywhere near as intense as mine had been, and he recovered quickly.

He blushed. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it; I'd been so close to cumming for so long. Now, where were we?" he said even as he flipped me back over, completely ignoring my protests that I wasn't finished with him yet.

"There will be plenty of time for all that later, but right now what I want more than anything is to have my way with you." Matt explained.

For a moment, I felt nervous about what he meant by that. I wasn't sure I was ready for him to fuck me, but then I remembered all the mornings I'd woken up with a cock so erect it hurt from dreaming about this and forced myself to relax. This was Matt after all, he would never want to hurt me. I still jumped slightly as I felt his feather light touch on my lower spine though. Thankfully, he didn't comment on it. He ran his fingers lightly down my backside before tickling my balls for a second. As I felt him spread my ass cheeks, I forced myself to take a deep breath and relax. 

"Spread your ass for me." he whispered.

Lying there, exposing myself completely to him, with my face buried in the pillow, I could feel myself start to panic. I felt sure that once we got past the first time I would get used to it, but right now I didn't know what to expect and it was terrifying.

As Matt ran a fingertip lightly over my asshole I was relieved to find that it felt good. Nothing could have prepared me for what he did next. I heard him take a steadying breath and then I felt his stubble on my cheeks as he bent down and licked my asshole gently. All my hesitation fled my body as he ran the tip of his tongue around my opening. When he let his tongue penetrate me, I moaned loudly and couldn't help but push my ass in the air in an attempt to make him go deeper. In no time at all, my dick was throbbing and leaking pre-cum onto the sheets and I was literally panting for it as he alternated between lapping at my rosebud and sticking his tongue as far up my ass as it would go. 

Much too soon, his tongue was replaced by his fingers. As he slid his long digit inside my slick ass I realized my sphincter was completely loose. Matt must have noticed the same thing, because as soon as he'd made sure he could fit three fingers inside me, he got to his knees and lubed up his cock with the body lotion. 

At first he was very cautious and slow, but when he realized how hungry my ass was for his cock, he sped up his insertion. I felt so full I started to get worried again. Before he could notice me growing tense, I felt him hit my sweet spot, the prostate I knew was there but had never explored. My animalistic moan drove him wild, and it didn't take him long to start thrusting wildly. As he fucked me, his beautiful dangling balls slapped against me. 

After a little while, he seemed to recollect himself and slowed down. He eased me down on my stomach and carefully covered my body with his own. Tangling his fingers in mine, he pinned my hands above my head, dominating me in the sweetest way imaginable as he showed me that I belonged to him, heart, body and soul. He kissed and nibbled my ear gently, and I responded by clenching down on him. 

It seemed to undo him, and, putting his hands on my hips, he sped up his thrusting again. I knew we'd have plenty more times like this, so I didn't mind the ferocious assault on my prostate in the least. His short, hard stabs had me moving on the bed, the added friction was sweet torture on my already overstimulated nervous system. I could feel myself hurtling towards my orgasm. The sounds coming from Matt told me he was right there with me and I angled myself and thrusted back the best I could. 

My orgasm broke over me like a great ocean wave, sending nerve endings all over my body tingling. My spasms triggered Matt's climax and he yelled out as he thrust into me as deep as possible one last time before holding perfectly still. His entire body seemed clenched as he filled me up with his cum. I was instantly hooked on the feeling of him cumming inside me, it felt so intimate and a little dirty.

Relaxing against my body once more, Matt ran his hands down the length of my arms tenderly before kissing my neck.

"You sure you haven't done this before? Cause you are a great lay." he teased, chuckling softly in my ear before pulling out and rolling off me somewhat reluctantly.

As Matt rolled onto his back, I followed him and snuggled into his side, resting my head on his shoulder. "I could get used to this, you know. You're stuck with me now." I whispered, not joking at all.

"That suits me just fine. Hey, you realize we can afford a nicer place in the fall now. A nice little one bedroom flat for just the two of us." he replied, smiling at me.

"I like the sound of that."

"My god you're adorable! I can't wait to play house with you. I'll be able to look after you all the time." he exclaimed. 

"Oh no you don't! For once, you're going to be the one to be taken care of. I'll be making sure you eat properly. Can't have you fainting on me again. You really scared me you know!"

"Yes, mom. Whatever you say." 

"I mean it. I can't believe your parents, they make me so angry sometimes! It's unbelievable how they're capable of ignoring you. You deserve better than that and I'm going to make damn sure I make up for it."

"You're sweet. Fierce, but sweet and I love you for it." he said and pulled me even closer kissing me on the forehead.



Falling for Matthew



She smiled and said; "The evening's not over yet. Come back in an hour and a half?" She didn't phrase it as a question, but couldn't help the question mark slipping in towards the end. She looked at me pleadingly, clearly not certain I would say yes. "I haven't given you your present yet." 

I gave her a quick kiss. "I'll be here, just don't forget to open the window." 

Her parents would have a fit if they knew how many times I'd snuck into their daughter's bedroom over the years. They were strict in regards to more than just her curfew; I wasn't even allowed in her room unless they were home and her bedroom door was open. Not that they had much reason to worry, Jane had never allowed me to move past some heavy petting. In the past I'd commended myself for my patience and for respecting her wishes. Lately I'd started to wonder if maybe I just wasn't as keen to get in her pants as a normal guy would. When she bring me a present to the restaurant I'd figured she couldn't afford one with her rather intense saving scheme for her trip. Maybe she figured a blow job would be cheaper. Or maybe she's a decent girlfriend who figured I'd want and enjoy that more than something she got me from a store. I felt disgusted with myself for thinking so little of her. 

Instead of driving home, I headed to Matt's place to wait for her parents to go to bed. I let myself in through the back door, closing the door softly behind me, and snuck down the hallway. I knocked on his door as a matter of habit, not bothering to wait for his answer before opening the door. It wasn't something I hadn't done hundreds of times before, but Matt still looked surprised. 

"It's been months since the last time you snuck in here. What's up?" He closed his textbooks and put away his homework. I sat down on his bed and leaned back against the wall. 

"Jane wants me to come around at 11.30. I thought I'd wait here with you. Is that alright?" 

He shrugged; "Yeah, sure. What do you wanna do? I've got a couple new episodes of Breaking Bad on my computer." 

I just said; "Sounds good." and starting making myself more comfortable on his bed. Soon we were both on the bed next to each other in our customary manner, watching the flatscreen hooked up to his computer.

"So what did Jane get you for your birthday?"

"Dunno yet. That's why I'm going back there later." I felt oddly uncomfortable answering his question and kept staring at the screen, seeing nothing.

"Oh, right." He sounded slightly annoyed with me again. 

Feeling irritated all of a sudden I forgot my hesitance about the subject and demanded; "What is your problem? You've been annoyed with me pretty much all day!"

"Forget it. It's nothing." He just shrugged off my outburst as if it was something I did all the time.

"Do you not like Jane or something?"

"I like Jane just fine. I'm just less sure you like her anymore. One minute you look like a five year old who's told to go to bed early just because she comes over to say hi and the next you're flirting with her just like always. You can't go around messing with people's heads like that! You're a better person than that, or at least you used to be until you started acting all weird. What's your problem with her? It doesn't look like you've been fighting or anything."

I let out a sigh, knowing full well that I could never tell him the truth. He's my best friend and in that moment my longing to tell him how I felt and to touch him was so strong it felt like physical pain.

"No, we haven't been fighting. She hasn't done anything wrong either. I've just had my eye on someone else for a while now. It's awful I know, but I can't help it. It''s all I can think about, but I know nothing could ever happen there so I put off hurting Jane for as long as possible and in the process hurt her a little bit every day instead. I feel like such a shit."

To my surprise, Matt didn't yell at me or tell me what a dick I was. He just put his arm around me and let me rest my head on his shoulder. 

"It's tough, man, I know. But you gotta get your head straight before you head over there. If you take her virginity tonight while you're obsessing over someone else, or if you dump her next week, she's gonna hate you. Really properly hate you."

"That's not what she meant when she said she was gonna give me my present tonight, trust me. We are not at that stage yet. She's not ready. I haven't even seen her naked yet!" 

Matt was considerate enough not to express his surprise. He just sat there holding me. Fighting the urge to bury my face in the crook of his neck, I wished I could stay in the exquisite torture of his arms forever.