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Endings Ch. 01

By: ingarlm



If there was anything I had learned over the last two years it was that good things can happen in the strangest of ways. Today had been pretty strange and as a result I couldn't sleep, but the soft snoring coming from the man at my side meant I was alone with my thoughts. 

Some of my thoughts were definitely about him, considering how I could wake him and get more of his touches and kisses, remembering how he had made love to me before falling asleep and imagining how it would be just as perfect the next time, but it was only fair to let him sleep.

I smiled as he moved, unconsciously coming closer to me and making me shiver with the electricity that his touches always caused. Just looking at him, his arm across me and his naked torso half revealed by the covers, was arousing me but I was too tired for that even if I couldn't seem to drop off. 

Sighing softly, I snuggled up closer, hearing a sleepy mumble as I settled against his warm body. How did I get so lucky? Or maybe the question should be how had one crazy idea and all the pleasure and heartache that followed it led to something so right?

* * * * * * 

Two years earlier...

"We want your help in a little experiment," my sister Alison said as I sat finishing my meal at her dinner table. 

I looked across at her to try and get an idea of what it was about, but saw nothing but her usual smile. She always seemed to be happy and I wished sometimes that I had inherited the optimistic personality she had. Aside from that, with her blonde hair and blue eyes just like mine, there was no doubt we were related, but I was far more cautious and inhibited than her and I loved spending time around her just to see that side of my favourite person.

We had company that night. I'd not met her friend Sara properly before, but I knew of her and had seen her at parties with groups of friends. I always ate with my sister on a Thursday night and sometimes there were other friends there, but up until tonight I had barely spoken to Sara. She was pretty fun, and the conversation had flowed freely between the three of us for most of the meal.

As we finished up I noticed the two of them making eye contact, and started to feel that there was something going on that I was unaware of. The nod of Sara's head towards me was clearly an indication that my sister should talk to me and I sat waiting for whatever it was. She looked at me and blushed, aware that I had caught their silent exchange, and then she told me they wanted help.

"What experiment?"

They exchanged some more nervous glances and I started to get worried.

"Is this something I'm going to get in trouble for? Because if so, forget it. I'm not getting hit for any type of experiment."

Alison giggled. "How about hitting on someone?"

Interesting idea, but not really my thing. I went to pieces around guys I really liked and chatting one up was a skill I had never developed. Thankfully enough men came to me that I could have my pick if I wanted. I did want to know more about what the girls were up to though.

"Depends if that will get me hit, laughed at, or laid."

"We're not sure," Sara told me. "but I reckon it will get you laid."

"Tell me more. I'm not agreeing to anything until I have all the information. You want me to try it on with some guy you know?"

"With my ex," Sara confirmed.

I had trouble swallowing rather than spitting out my drink at that point, wondering if she was referring to the man I had seen her with at a party last year. If it was him, then I didn't know if I could, and not for fear of getting punched but because I thought he was absolutely beautiful and I couldn't make an idiot of myself in front of him. I looked across at my sister for help, or confirmation, or anything. She was grinning at me and winked when I caught her gaze.

"That one, yes. The gorgeous guy you couldn't take your eyes off all night. His name's Cameron."

I knew I'd gone red and I glanced quickly at Sara to see if she was upset about it, but she was just smiling too.

"Alison told me, I don't mind. He is very good looking."

Good looking was an understatement from where I was sitting. Masculine perfection was what I had thought at the time. Dark hair that he obviously took plenty of time to style and sculpt, sparkling mid-brown eyes in a beautiful face. He was slightly tanned that summer, a golden glow to his skin than really suited him although I had no doubt he'd be as stunning without it. And then that body, even though I hadn't seen it other than fully clothed, broad shouldered, slightly taller than my 5'10, obviously toned all over but not too broad or over muscled. I was having shivers just thinking about it.

I really hadn't been able to stop looking at him that night, and since then he had starred in more than a couple of my fantasies, but I was now very confused about what they were asking of me. I would have thought the fact that she had been his girlfriend was a very good indication that a man chatting him up would not be welcome.

"Why? Is it to get him back for breaking up with you?"

She laughed, not concerned about my accusation.

"I broke up with him. I had some doubts about him, and I'd like you to help settle them. I think it would be good for him to explore a little."

"You think he's bi, and you want me to try and get him into bed?" I asked, incredulous.

"Well, yes. I think he needs to know what he wants, and I think what he needs, at least for one night, is a man."

I kept staring at her, hoping she would burst into laughter and tell me this was all some big joke, but both of them were looking at me expectantly.

"You're serious about this?"

"Yes. You like him enough to spend a night ogling him, so the worst that will happen is you get to see him again. Best case scenario you get to do a lot more than look."

I swallowed hard, trying not to let my mind run away with ideas of that, and fairly sure the women could tell by my silence that I liked that idea. I was glad I was sitting at a table and they couldn't see the effect my thoughts were having on my cock right then.

"It's a crazy idea," I stuttered out. "If he wanted sex with a guy he could go get it. Why on earth would he agree to this? And why me?"

"He doesn't know any gay guys. Neither do I for that matter," Sara told me.

"I'm glad I'm front of the queue on the basis of being the only gay man you know," I said, slightly bitterly.

Alison interrupted me. "I suggested you, and I know plenty of guys through you we could have asked. You like the look of him, and you're trustworthy not some random guy who might hurt him. Plus it's much easier to engineer you meeting him than anyone else."

"How? Tell me the rest of the plan you two have cooked up, because I'm not convinced."

"I still see him a lot," Sara said. "He's single and we came out of everything friends, although that is partly because I didn't mention my suspicions. I'll invite Alison and you over next time he is coming round, and we'll have a few drinks together."

"And I just start hitting on him?"

"We thought of that and it would be better to engineer it slowly without you having to be really blatant with him. So once we are all nice and mellow, we'll play truth or dare. Nice and early we'll make it clear with some question we ask you that you are gay, and then we'll dare him to kiss you or something like that, see where it goes."

"This is not making it better. You're going to get him drunk, make him kiss me, and hope it gives him ideas? There's no way that could go wrong," I replied with sarcasm.

"It's not going to hurt. If he really hates the idea he won't do it, but I doubt he'll mind, and if he doesn't we can up the ante. It will put the idea in his head, and if it revolts him then he won't do anything more. If it doesn't you'll be there ready and waiting."

"You do realise, even if he doesn't go for this, it hardly proves you right or wrong. He might be out cruising for guys every night, but just not fancy me."

Sara kind of snorted when she laughed.

"Not possible. Have you seen yourself? Trust me, blond hair and blue eyes totally do it for him, but even if they didn't you're cute enough that he wouldn't care. Hell, even if he's never had a gay thought in his head before, he will at the sight of you."

I was blushing as looked from face to face, both of them seeming to urge me to say yes to their fantastic plan. I wanted to say no, still sure it was crazy and was bound to go wrong somehow, and it wasn't fair on him either. However, now the seed had been planted in my mind, I also wanted to know if it would work, because if it did I would at least get to kiss him and that idea was sorely tempting.

"I'll think about it."

* * * * * * 

Obviously the horny side of me won the argument. It was crazy and stupid, but it could get me a snog and maybe even more if Sara was remotely right about this situation. Of course, if he did kiss me there was still a good chance of me getting hit, when he saw how hard it would make me. I doubted I would be able to stop myself because every time I thought about it my cock started to fill. It certainly liked the idea, and given that I was a single guy in my mid-twenties, it was bound to make the decision for me.

That didn't stop me from worrying about it, especially once Sara set the date. Nor did it stop me from letting my imagination run away with ideas of what might happen if Cameron proved to be remotely interested in me. Even if some part of him did like men, he still might not like me specifically, but the chance of worshipping that body, sucking his cock, maybe even some fucking, well those thoughts drove me wild when I was alone in my bed at night. 

Alison was kind enough to tease me all the way over to Sara's, but thankfully she was driving else I might have lost control of the car. I seemed to be shaking, and every comment she made about what I might be getting up to later made it worse. I was so much of a wreck when I got to Sara's house that I downed a beer in record time, barely noticing it touching the sides. With the two women gossiping between themselves I sat on the sofa and tried to think about anything other than the guy who would be here any second.

Somehow I maintained a calm exterior when he did turn up, ignoring the tingle that spread through me when he shook my hand and said the standard line about being pleased to meet me. Not as pleased as I was, I was pretty sure of that. I'd only seen him across the room before, and close up he was even more stunning, his hazel eyes framed by long dark lashes, strong cheekbones and jawline giving him a sculpted look but not unreal, and soft pouty lips that made me desperate for that kiss.

It wasn't uneasy as the four of us sat and watched some tv before we ate, or as we tucked into the chinese takeaway, and it seemed as though Cam was entirely comfortable with Alison and I even though he had never met us before. Of course, he had no idea about the girls plan or that I was gay at that point, both of which facts could seriously change the course of the evening for better or worse. We were all doing well on the beer or wine depending on our preference, so it really did seem natural when the girls brought up the idea of playing some games.

I gave a look to Alison as she suggested truth or dare very innocently, presenting it as a good way for us to all get to know each other better. Also, as Sara pointed out, we each had someone there who knew us well and would have a fair idea if we were lying. I was the most reluctant to agree, scared of what might happen, but Cam seemed enthusiastic about the idea. Little did he know this was all for his benefit, or possibly his downfall.

The first round of questions were innocuous, Sara setting the tone with questions about favourite things. After making the extremely mild confession that my favourite movie was Grosse Pointe Blank, I wondered how long this game would take to get anywhere near the kissing part, but I was just being lulled into a false sense of security for when the second question came around.

"Who was your first proper kiss, and how was it?"

Oh, that would be the question designed to let Cam know I was gay. Alison was well aware I'd never kissed a girl. I managed not to glare at her, or blush.

"David Roberts, and it was awful. He thought the way to kiss was open your mouth as far as you could and act like some kind of suction pump," I replied, giggling at the memory. Thankfully he'd got a hell of a lot better after a bit of practice.

Alison grinned at me. "Well, at least that technique must have come in handy for some of the other things you guys got up to!"

I did go red then, because it had. I thought at the time we had been very subtle with the time the two of us spent alone in my room 'playing computer games', but it had turned out later Alison had a very good idea of what we were really doing. I looked at Cam out of the corner of my eye, but he didn't look concerned about what was being said.

Over the next few minutes we discovered each others' first kisses and first loves, and I was not surprised to learn that Cam's were both female. I didn't know what Sara had seen or discovered, but it wasn't registering on my gaydar. Still, we were having a fun evening and lots of laughs, and that was good enough. I still thought he was gorgeous, but I was resigned to nothing happening.

After a couple more silly but increasingly sexual themed questions I needed a piss and after emptying the tank I grabbed some more beer from the kitchen. Walking back into the main room I noticed that everyone was staring at me.

"Is it my turn?" I asked, handing Cam another beer without really noticing him.

There was a moment of silence while he knocked back about half the bottle in one gulp, and I wondered what I had missed. He looked nervous so perhaps I had just missed out on hearing some big confession. Sara broke the silence.

"Cam didn't want to answer our question, so he's got a dare. We were waiting for you to get back so he can kiss you."

Even though I knew this was the plan I wasn't acting when the look of surprise crossed my face. I thought they'd think better of this idea given his answers so far. I guess that explained why he'd just downed his drink, so he couldn't have been keen on doing it. I looked at him, both of us nervous for probably different reasons and decided to check with him.

"You okay with this?"

He nodded slowly.

"Sure, it's a dare, and it's only a kiss."

He didn't look that sure, but there was no point arguing. It could be a quick one and neither of us would react too badly to it. Well, that was what I was thinking as I sat down.

"At least a minute, and it's got to be a proper kiss with tongues," Sara added, making me turn to stare at her in disbelief. Apparently Cam was already aware of this requirement because his eyes were looking down at the floor when I checked back.

"Fine. Let's get it over with," I said, my heart pounding in my chest. 

God, I wanted to kiss him, but he looked like the dare was the worst thing that had ever happened to him right then, and I was sure he didn't want it.

His eyes flicked up to meet mine, and although he was obviously nervous, he also looked determined. He could cope with kissing the gay guy, I was sure of that, and it at least meant I wasn't going to be pretty much forcing myself on him. Our chairs were close anyway, so we just had to lean over a little to meet. To my delight, as I started to close the gap so did he. I saw him blink and swallow nervously, but he was still moving to meet me and my lips.

It seemed to be slow motion and I felt sure everyone could hear how loud my heart was beating in fear and anticipation. Then his lips were on mine, soft and full, slightly damp, and just perfect. It was very gentle for a moment, I could feel him moving against me but it was the slightest flutter and I wasn't sure if I could or wanted to deepen the kiss when he was so unsure.

He solved that issue, his tongue flicking out again to touch my lips this time, asking them to part. I held back my groan of pleasure, feeling shivers run down my spine at his gentle movements, but I let him in. Suddenly his face was pressed close to mine, our lips tight together, and the tip of his tongue teasing and playing with the tip of mine.

Holy crap, the boy could kiss. I met him in his movements as he alternated between full open-mouthed kisses where our tongues entwined, and gentler ones where our lips worked together, twisting and turning. His lips sucked my bottom lip between them at one point, then he worked his way across my top lip with small pecks, before diving his tongue into my mouth again. It was a wonder I didn't grab him and drag him onto the floor on top of me so I could feel his body on mine.

I felt like I was on fire, my cock was hard and aching, and my lips were getting a more thorough workout than they had had for some time, and then, just as suddenly as it had begun, it was over. I blinked, slightly dazed, as he drew back from me, looking over to the women with an amused and cheeky grin on his face. That reminded me there were other people in the room, and startled, I looked across too. 

They looked flustered more than anything else, Sara was blushing, Alison was avoiding looking at either one of us. I wondered what that had looked like, because it felt pretty intense and passionate from where I had been sitting but I was biased by my attraction to him. He'd certainly got over his nerves about it, I could be sure of that, and he just looked smugly at Sara.

"Shit, that was hot!" she managed to say after a moment.

He laughed, and I went red. That was just the start of things though, the barriers now down and as our alcohol consumption increased we almost forgot about answering any questions and it was all about the dares. Both the girls got half naked and Cam seemed to enjoy daring them to kiss. I found it hard to watch and certainly not a turn-on like he was, so I watched him instead. I doubt he would have noticed as he was too engrossed. 

Unfortunately his interest was only really goading them into revenge dares, and that meant I saw him almost totally naked. His strip show was done for them, but I couldn't take my eyes off it either, the nicely toned body was displayed so well I was hard again, and the tight boxer briefs he was wearing left little to the imagination. The girls were pretty much letting me off the hook by this point, and I was glad, because I wasn't sure I'd be able to cope if they made me touch him in any way. I was dared to kiss Sara at one point, which at least meant I'd be able in future to say I had kissed a girl. It also made my cock deflate for the first time since Cam had kissed me.

In fact, I was happily mellow and just laughing at the stupid dares a while later, unconcerned about what was going to happen but happy I was going home with a stash of images for my fantasies. I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be doing any more touching, and after both Cam and Sara had done a run up and down the corridor outside in just their underwear I was even more sure I was safe. Clearly I shouldn't have had that thought, because it was almost as the thought formed that Sara decided she needed more revenge.

"Cam, you are mean, and Max hasn't done anything naughty for ages. So a joint dare is called for."

I started to panic at that point. Joint did not sound good at all. Cam however was just egging her on.

"Go on then Sara. Whatever it is we can handle it."

He looked at me for confirmation, but I really didn't want to do anything. The dares had already gone far beyond my usual comfort zone, and it was only the numbing effects of the alcohol that was stopping me from running for the hills. That was starting to seem like a good idea, although I wasn't too sure my legs would work properly if I tried.


Endings Ch. 01



"Fine. The dare is a blowjob, but to be slightly fair about it, Cam you have to let Max suck you off, you don't have to give him one."

Various things ran through my head seemingly at once. Hell no was one of them, although there was more than a small part of me that wouldn't mind doing it, just not here or now.

"No way am I giving him head in front of you two," was what I actually said. Cam hadn't said anything.

"Then do it in my bedroom, and we can listen at the door. Trust me, we'll hear Cam when he comes."

"That's not what I meant," I muttered, but I was being dragged up off the sofa before I could really explain that I didn't want to do it. In fact, in my fuzzy headed state I had been pretty much thrown into her room before I could form any further arguments about this being a bad idea.

I heard the door shut behind me and turned to see Cam was also in there, whether he had been pushed or come willingly I had no idea, but I was scared to find out either way. Knowing the women would be listening I moved close to him so I could whisper, hoping I could get out of it.

"Look, we don't have to do this. All that they need to hear is you making a few moans and then we're both free and clear."

His reply was also a whisper, almost right into my ear and although I couldn't admit it, turning me on no end.

"You're kidding, right? I've not had sex with anything other than my hand for two months, a blowjob would be more than welcome right now."

I took a step back from him so I could see his face and whether he was serious. He certainly looked it.

"Even from another guy?" I said quietly.

He shrugged. "I don't have a problem with that. You'll probably do a better job than most of the women I've been with. Besides which, it won't be the first time."

"Huh?"

He moved really close to me then, wrapping one arm around my back as he whispered into my ear, his breath tickling me in a delightful way.

"It won't be the first time I've had a guy suck me Max. I'd love for you to do it, and I don't believe for a second you don't want to. I saw how you reacted to that kiss, and how you've been looking at me since then. If you need another kiss to convince you, I'm more than willing."

I would have agreed at that moment anyway, but as he stopped talking he sucked my earlobe into his mouth and started to nibble on it, and all I could do was moan quietly. I might have got louder if he hadn't taken control of my lips again, treating me to another kiss that was more intense than the previous one. I eagerly joined him in it, plundering his mouth just as much as he was doing to mine. By the time he drew back I was panting for breath and desperate to taste him.

"See, I'm sure you can do this," he whispered.

I saw his grin and it made me believe he was teasing me, turning me on so much I couldn't refuse him and he could use me as some kind of sex toy. He had another thing coming, and I took charge, pushing him back so he fell onto the bed. Even then his cheeky grin only got broader, and he wriggled so his knees were bent off the bed and he was propped up on his elbows so he could watch what I did to him. Fine, if that was how he wanted things I had no objection and it meant he would definitely know it was a man pleasuring him, not that he seemed to have any issue with that.

I moved towards him, deciding that if this was all I was going to get I would be making the most of it. I leaned over to kiss him again while I started to undo the buttons on his shirt. I wanted to see all of him, like I had done when he stripped earlier, and touch his chest and suck his nipples as I had desired from the moment I'd seen him. Relieved that he didn't stop me, I parted the shirt and pulled back from the kiss to stare at him.

He still looked smug, and I wanted to wipe that smile off his face and get him as flustered as he was getting me. I worked kisses and licks across his shoulder and heard a soft moan that encouraged me to work harder, wanting to hear far more of the noises he could make. I bit and sucked a little too, wanting to leave some mark on him so he'd remember this for at least a few days. The much louder groan that elicited sent a shiver through me and I set off down his chest.

My hands stroked through the fine hair, finding a nipple and hearing him gasp as I ran my finger over it. His hips seemed to raise a little off the bed and I grinned up at him, having clearly found something that would really turn him on. I bent again to suck one into my mouth, teasing it with my teeth and flicking my tongue over the nub before treating the other one to the same. He moaned and wriggled a little, arching his back so his nipples were pushed towards me, and I made my touches firmer in response.

Loathe as I was to stop something he was clearly enjoying, I knew we both needed more than that. My mouth trailed across his body, licking and nipping as I travelled downwards, across the tight stomach and spending a little time tongue-fucking his belly button while he whimpered his need. A glance up showed me that he was still smiling, but it was no longer the teasing from before, he was getting lost in this moment.

The sound he made when I finally unzipped his fly was something like a whine. He was begging with sound but I wanted to hear the words. He lifted up as I tugged his trousers and underwear straight to the floor, grinning when I saw how hard he was. Clearly I had managed to turn him on and he wasn't worried about this situation at all. There was a sheen of precum over the head of a nice shaft, long and smooth and a decent thickness too. I had an idea from his display earlier he was nicely hung, but it was good to see I was right, and my mouth was watering with the desire to taste him.

For some perverse reason I was determined to make him beg for this, so I spread his legs and started to kiss his inner thighs. His nuts hung down between his legs and I knew I would deal with them next. I could see his hole as well but I decided to stay away from that, not wanting him to end this anytime soon. He was moaning louder as I closed in on his groin, and groaned with disappointment when I lifted up and started on the other leg. 

He still wasn't begging, or at least not with any words. He was trying to move himself so I couldn't ignore his cock any longer, but that wasn't going to cut it. As an incentive I started to lick at his balls, sucking one and then the other into my mouth to bathe them. I was horny as hell as he moaned and panted, and my own cock was hard as steel. I undid my jeans and slid them down enough that I could take myself in hand, stroking slowly so I didn't come before he did, but being able to do this to him was driving me wild.

My mouth full of almost his entire sack, I finally heard what I'd been waiting for.

"Fuck Max, please, you're killing me. Please suck my dick."

Thank god. I probably would have cracked soon anyway, the sight of that hard pole leaking was killing me. I dropped his nuts immediately in response to his request and ran my tongue right the way up it, pausing to lick up the precum that had formed on the head and into his slit to collect all I could. I was right, he tasted good too. I let out a quiet moan as I took the tip of him into my mouth, but it was drowned out by the pleasured noise he made, and I would have smiled at getting him to make it if my mouth hadn't been full, and getting fuller by the moment.

I dropped him for a moment, licking his full length over to get him lubricated. He complained when the warmth left him but he didn't seem to mind too much when he felt my tongue was still on him. That done, I took more of him inside, drooling down his shaft to ease the way. He was already involuntarily bucking his hips a little, and I used my free hand to hold him back, needing to take a little time rather than get face fucked. If there was ever a next time he could do what he wanted, but this one I was going to savour.

It had been a while since I'd been with anyone, and I was reminded of how much I loved having a hard cock in my mouth. My own cock was showing its appreciation by leaking so my hand could move smoothly over it, and I stroked myself in time to the bobs down on him, taking a little more each time. His head bumped the back of my throat, and I backed off a little to get ready to take all of him, then sank back down until my nose was buried in his curls.

There was a loud gasp from above me and then a cry, and I glanced up to see him staring at me with lust and desire burning, his gaze hazy from being so close to coming. I knew he was, if it had been so long, and I wished I could keep doing this for hours, but it wasn't going to happen. I applied a good bit of suction as I rose up again, trying to suck the cum from him, but it took a few more long slides, alternating with teasing and licking at the head before I knew he was about to orgasm.

I felt the pulsing start and sucked happily, increasing the speed I was stroking myself in the hope of bringing myself off now that I had done my job, and it wasn't going to be difficult either. His body tensed and he shouted as he came, a combination of swearing and one glorious long groan of my name. The sound of that together with my mouth filling with his seed had me shooting into my hand, moaning along with him even though no-one would have heard me.

I cleaned his softening dick, not wanting to waste a drop, then sat back to look at him properly. He was recovering fast, grinning at me again but now I really didn't mind, still panting and mostly naked. His shirt hung open, fallen off his shoulders, but aside from that he wore nothing, and it was a very good look for him. Reluctantly I tore my eyes away from the sight and headed to the ensuite to clear up the mess I had made.

He must have seen the disappointment in my eyes when I returned to see he had dressed while I'd been gone. He looked a little sorry about that but in some ways I had expected it. No matter what he said about being with guys before, I was pretty sure he was going to try and pretend it hadn't happened. He surprised me by handing me his mobile, whispering again so he couldn't be heard.

"Put your number in. I'd like to see you again, but I need to know you can keep it quiet."

I nodded dumbly, wondering exactly what he wanted but fairly sure I'd offer it if he asked.

"Thanks Max, that was incredible, but I have an image to maintain. I'm gonna make my embarrassed excuses and leave in a moment. Do me a favour and make out I was drunk and horny and didn't want to back out on a dare, and I'll make sure it isn't so one-sided next time. I'm not bi, okay?" he finished with a wink.

I grinned at him. "Of course you're not. The thought never even crossed my mind!"

He placed a hand on my cheek, smiling back, and kissed me softly before he left the room, a small moan leaving his lips.

"You are too cute for words!"

* * * * * * 

I must have staggered out of that room looking so dazed and confused that it was lucky the girls were too busy watching Cam leave to notice me until he was out of sight. By the time they turned I had composed myself a little but I couldn't control the smile that was on my face. Okay, so he was totally in the closet, but I just got to play with his perfect body and taste his seed, and there was a possibility I would get to do it again.

"So?" Sara asked, staring at me intently.

"So, what?" I answered cheekily, grabbing a beer off the side even though it seemed like a shame to wash away the taste in my mouth.

She looked at me, clearly annoyed that I wasn't telling her everything.

"We heard him. Don't pretend he didn't just enjoy that immensely."

I shrugged. "I think I enjoyed it more. He was drunk and he hates to lose a dare. I'm not saying it didn't work, but then I'm good enough that after a while he didn't care I wasn't a girl."

Alison pulled a face showing disgust. "Do you have to look so damn pleased with yourself? Thank god it was only him moaning."

Grinning, I decided to weird her out even more. "It wasn't, but he was far too loud for you to hear me over that racket!"

* * * * * * 

Once I sobered up the next day, although I was still glad it happened I became convinced I wasn't going to hear from him. There was a good bit of truth in what I'd said about him being drunk and horny. He'd said it wasn't the first time he'd been with a guy but that didn't mean he'd want it again when he was in full control of his decisions. That didn't stop me checking my phone obsessively or my heart speeding up every time it rang or I got a text, just in case it was him.

Nor did it stop me beating off far more than usual, each time imagining his beautiful body beneath me and his hard cock in my mouth. Before him it had been a while since I had any real sex and there were no obvious prospects if he didn't get in touch. I began to wonder if I should head out to a club and find a quick hook-up but I doubted I could find anyone who would have the effect on me he had.

Days went by and I had written off the encounter. Going to work for the week always made me come back to reality, and even if he was also busy working I thought he might have at least texted if he had any plan to see me again. Friday night rolled around and I settled down in front of the tv with a beer, planning a quiet night in and probably a lot of masturbation later, so I wasn't expecting the call when it came.

"Hi Max, it's Cam. How are you?" 

I swear I got hard just at the sound of his voice. 

"Err, hi Cam. I'm fine, just chilling out after work."

I heard a soft chuckle over the line and that just made my problem worse, but I didn't want to dwell on the effect he was having, I wanted to beg him for more of the reality even though I didn't dare.

"So... you're all alone then? No exciting plans?"

"Unless you count watching NCIS so I can admire Tony, then no."

There was a full out laugh at that.

"What number do you live at?"

"Fifteen," I answered. 

He hung up before I had chance to mention a road, and I stared at the phone after the line went dead, wondering what the hell that was about and hoping he had the rest of the information already and would be at my door later on. I jumped up, figuring that just in case I'd go brush my teeth and make myself look more presentable. I only made it two steps before the doorbell rang.

Heart pounding, I opened it to see he really was standing there, looking even more gorgeous than the last time I had seen him. Perhaps it was just that I wanted more, and now I knew what he looked like under his clothes. My eyes travelled down his body slowly and then back up, taking in his tight jeans that seemed to be bulging a little at the crotch already, and the t-shirt that hugged his torso in a delightful way. When my gaze reached his face again he was grinning at me in a familiar way.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?"

Getting over my initial shock, I moved aside and let him into the house, watching his arse as he walked past me. It was pretty likely he was only here for one thing and even if it was going to amuse him I would be taking advantage of the opportunity to have a good ogle while he was here. My mind racing with ideas of what might now happen, I fetched him a beer that he took gladly, and sat beside him on my sofa, wondering how or when we were going to get started.

"I need to talk to you about this whole situation, but before that, I did make you a promise and I've been looking forward to keeping it," he told me.

Well, he'd promised it wouldn't be one-sided this time, but even if he'd only come around to have me suck him off again I wouldn't have minded. It beat sitting here alone and jerking off later to thoughts of him. I saw him put the beer bottle down and swallowed nervously, tension rising as he took mine off me and then patted his lap.

"Come here and straddle me. I think we should start with some of your great kisses."

My great kisses? The man could kiss me nearly senseless but he liked mine that much? Hell, I didn't care so long as he wanted more, and I was astride him a moment later, settling down with my legs apart and my excitement clearly visible if he looked down. He didn't though, he was looking at my shirt, lifting it and encouraging me to take it off, so I helped with that.

"Nice," he muttered.

This was surreal, but I was lost the moment I saw him lick his lips. He obviously did like men, or at least he liked me, and that was good enough. I opened my legs further so I could get closer to him, and that brought the evidence of how much he liked this right against my own erection, making me moan. 

"A good start Max, but I'm going to have you screaming later."

Christ, that made me do a full body shiver, that I knew he felt because he laughed. Like the last time, he was teasing me, but unlike the last time I wasn't trying to prove a point. I knew I could get him begging, but I was quite happy for him to try me out this time. I had a feeling it wouldn't take much if just the sound of his voice could do so much to me.

He abandoned the idea of kisses, apparently, but I was too busy moaning and writhing in his lap as he sucked and licked at my nipples for me to care. His hands ran up and down my back and squeezed my backside increasingly hard, which had me trying to get myself off by rubbing against him. He was pushing all my buttons at once, and I wanted him worse than ever. 

It all stopped before I came in my pants, and he pulled my head down roughly to bring me into a bruising passionate kiss that made my toes curl. I could feel how turned on he was, but I was beyond that, desperate for some release and losing touch with reality, so much so that when he lifted me off him I was sat back on the sofa before I had chance to realise I was moving. I would have objected if he hadn't come with me.

Then he was stripping the rest of me and I managed to help with that because it got me a lot closer to what I wanted. He stripped his shirt off too, but I didn't see much before he slid to the floor and he started to fulfil his promises. First his tongue was on my cock and then he swiftly took me into his mouth, and I cried out far louder than expected. He just had to be good at this too, and there was no way this was the first time. I looked down at him in surprise, and he was looking back up and winked as he worked me over.

This was definitely too good to last, especially with how worked up he had already got me. The first time he dove down to my pubes and I felt the head of my cock get massaged by his throat I nearly came. The second time, I did, with one long cry that kept coming as I did, shooting down into his throat and then his mouth as he pulled back. I was dimly aware of him licking me clean as I tried to focus and come back down to earth.

Inevitably, he was grinning at me when I was finally able to look at him. I smiled back, not entirely sure I would be able to speak right then, or at least not coherently, but my dazed expression and smile would tell him enough. He slid back up then, letting his beautiful body rub against mine all the way until our faces were level and then kissing me again. I grabbed at the back of his head to try and keep him there, and he let me hold him, tasting myself as I plundered his mouth.

He got free from my frantic exploration after a few minutes, during which I was acutely aware of his erection pressing into my belly through his clothes. I wanted that now, and as I panted to recover my breath I wondered how to ask. He saved me the trouble.

"I want to fuck you," he whispered in my ear. "Where's your bed?"

* * * * * *



Endings Ch. 02



* * * * * *

I'd probably never made the journey to my bedroom faster than I did right then, his wrist in my hand to make sure he followed me even though he was the one to ask.  It felt like my hole was twitching in readiness, eager to have him inside me.  I flicked the light on so I could see him and leaned over the bed to open the drawer I kept lube and condoms in. 

He seemed to take my position as an invitation and pressed himself against me, pushing my legs up so I was on my hands and knees properly, and letting his obviously hard cock rest between my cheeks.  I shivered in delight and anticipation of having it somewhere that would feel better and almost threw the lube and foil packet over my shoulder for his use.  I knew if I looked back I would see him grinning, but I didn't want to.

I felt kind of cheap like this, waiting to be mounted by a man who I knew so little about, but strangely that turned me on even more.  I didn't want to see him, I wanted this position and to feel a little used.  I had the feeling that this was about him scratching an itch and I did not need to get attached to a man like that.  If he could fuck me anywhere near as well as he could kiss and suck cock it would be enough.

Unsurprisingly he didn't use his tongue on me, but it was a shame because I loved that before I was fucked.  I was glad at least that the first thing he inserted was only one finger and it was well lubed.  He didn't give me long though, and I had two and then three fingers in me pretty fast.  It hurt a little but I was too horny to care, and I moaned and begged for his cock anyway, hearing him chuckle.

“It's coming.  Don't be so impatient Max.”

He emphasised that with a light swat to one cheek and I moaned louder.  His laughter increased for a moment before he fell silent and I heard the foil tearing.  Panting and desperate, I tried not to tense at what was coming, sure it was going to hurt but needing it anyway.

I felt the pressure of his cock against me and pressed back, eager to get him inside and groaning a mixture of pain and pleasure as I felt him enter me.  He took it slow, and the wonderful feeling of being filled soon took over from the discomfort, even as I got more and more cock into me.  I couldn't see where he was or how much more I had to take, but I heard him moan and I didn't care any more, I was making this good for him already.

The moment his balls met mine I knew I'd taken all of him.  I still felt dirty and being used and it was making me harder and unwilling to wait until I relaxed.  This was just going to be raw fucking, and I wanted it so badly I started to rock forwards and backwards, hearing a surprised gasp as Cam started to slide inside me.

“Fuck!  You're so tight, hold still or I'll come right now.”

“You can do better than that,” I growled.  “Fuck me like you mean it, or have you got too used to pussy to give a man what he needs?”

“You asked for it.”

Oh god, I really had.  He slammed into me and I cried out at the feeling of being pushed apart, stiffening my arms to stop myself falling forward.  I wanted to take all he could give me, and he seemed to have the idea.  I moaned and cried as he pushed into me harder and faster, arching my back and pushing down to meet him on every thrust.  I heard a strange mix of moans and curses coming from him in between him panting for breath and I loved the fact I was making him lose control.  He might have made me beg him for this but he was going to work for his fuck.

He shifted position and was suddenly banging into me at just the right angle to make me scream, just like he'd said he would.  He was good at this and I was loving it, not caring what I might get after tonight, just living for the moment.  A very good moment, and not a short one either, he kept thrusting into me and driving me wild but he alternated between fast strokes and slower ones when we were getting close to coming, holding out for as long as he could.

Eventually he stiffened, and knowing he was going to come and how close I was I clenched my muscles to milk him, the effect causing both of us to moan and shoot only a few seconds later.  I collapsed then, feeling the dull ache as his cock left my body and the emptiness, but mostly warm, glowing, and exhausted in the best possible way, my legs turned to jelly.  That had been the best sex in years, and I was so glad he'd come to see me.

His body lay on my back, and I could feel the irregular movements as he panted and recovered himself.  Knowing being with me had caused him to lose so much control and got him that worked up made me grin, but he couldn't see it.  I was brought back down to earth when he got off me, heading for my bathroom and then when he returned putting his clothes back on straight away.  

I watched as he dressed, making sure I got one last look at his body before it was hidden from my view.  No cuddling after with Cam, it appeared.  Actually, that gave me a very good idea of what he wanted to tell me.  Sex, he could do, relationships he couldn't.  This was going to be a few quickies in complete secrecy at best, and I had to decide if I could do that.  Did I want a fuckbuddy, even one that good?

He left me in bed, and I heard the taps running in the kitchen.  I wasn't going to find anything else out like this, so I stood and pulled some jogging bottoms on, deciding this was my house and I didn't need to get dressed.  That done I followed the sounds to the kitchen and got myself a beer from the fridge, waiting for him to talk.  Even if this was a one time deal, I didn't regret it in the slightest.

“Sorry Max, I got a bit carried away then.  I was going to talk to you before we fucked.”

I smiled.  “I'm not complaining!”

“Still, it would have been fairer for you to have a choice.”

“I had a choice Cam.  I was begging for your cock, not asking you to stop.”

There was a hint of a blush on his face, but overall he looked smug rather than embarrassed.  He knew he had just given me a fantastic fuck and he was very pleased with himself.

“I really enjoyed that,” he continued.  “It's been a couple of years since the last time with a guy, and I forgot how much fun it is.  What I was thinking was, I'm single, you're single, can we have a bit of fun now and again?  You need to know, as much as I enjoy the sex, and I wouldn't do that with just anyone, I'm not going to fall in love with you, or do anything more than sex, or even tell anyone about this.  I'll expect you not to say anything either.”

I stayed quiet for a while, thinking that through.  Pretty much what I expected, but I felt I had to challenge some of what he said.

“Why are you so worried about people finding out you are bi?  It's hardly the end of the world.”

“People make assumptions.  Gay men think I'm fighting the fact I'm truly gay, straight women think I'm promiscuous and won't settle down with them, and everyone thinks I can't make my mind up what I want.”

He had a point.  I'd heard most of those things said in the past, but I couldn't help thinking the one he was most worried about was what women would think of him.  Did he know what he wanted?  Apparently me for regular sex right now, and a woman to settle down with at some point in the future.  If I didn't take him up on this, not only would I be missing out on great sex, I'd be missing out on any sex, because there weren't any likely candidates right now.  Sex with him had to be better than the occasional one-nighter picked up in a club.

I took a swig from my drink and made my decision.  I fancied him, we had fun together, and if that was all it could be, I would keep any other emotion out of this.

“Ground rules,” I started.  “You want to date other people, I'm guessing?”

He looked a little startled at me being so blunt, but he answered.

“Women Max.  I don't date men and I'm not planning to, but yes, I'll be going out for dinner and movies, things like that.”

“And having sex with some of them?” I enquired further.

“Given half a chance, yes,” he replied, grinning.

“So this, between us, is going to be for when you can't get any pussy and you want to get laid, or you want to get laid only the way you can with another guy.”

I left it as a statement rather than a question, and he squirmed a little.

“Yes.”

“In that case, these are the rules.  I'll keep your secret anyway, I promise.  We come up with some text code to make arrangements when mutually convenient, no expectations that I'll come running when you're horny or vice versa.  There has to be some option for me in this, not just you deciding when we'll meet.  We can both date and sleep with who we want, but it's condoms only, at least between us.  When and if either of us wants to end the arrangement, we can call it off, and it's off for certain if either one meets someone special, someone they want to date exclusively.  I don't cheat, and I'm not going to help you do it.”

“Understood.  Do you want to put that in writing?” he asked, grinning at me.

“I'll take your word.  I don't think you really want a signed agreement in existence, do you?”

We were joking with each other now, but I knew it was agreed anyway.  I just had to make sure I didn't get hurt in all of this, because I was laying a lot more on the line than he was.  He wasn't going to fall in love with a guy, but me, I very easily could, especially when he smiled at me that way.

* * * * * *

In the back of my mind, even as I made the deal with him, I knew I was making  a mistake.  Sure, I liked the idea of some semi-regular sex, but it wasn't really what I wanted.  I was looking for a relationship, someone to settle down with and be mine.  I couldn't help wishing he would change his mind, that maybe I would be different.

After three months I realised I'd gone ahead and done what I promised myself I wouldn't.  I loved him.  He was the centre of my world, even if it had settled down to once a week or so when I would see him and we would suck each other off, and he would fuck me, and then be out of my bed before I'd had chance to calm down.  He'd hold and kiss me before, but after was too intimate for him.

I wanted to wrap myself in his arms and sleep but he would never stay.  I wanted to walk down the street with his hand in mine and kiss him in public but there was no chance.  We often saw each other with other friends, particularly Alison and Sara, and in those situations I craved his touch even though I knew it would never come.  I could spend the night before writhing in his arms as he expertly took my body to new heights but in company I had to pretend he was nothing more than a friend and it killed me.

My gay friends tried to set me up on dates, and I went on a couple, but as soon as I met the guys I was comparing them to Cam and no-one measured up.  I even slept with one, but that was an even bigger mistake.  The sex was hollow compared to what I had with Cam and I cried myself to sleep afterwards feeling as though I had cheated on him.  

Although he didn't tell me much, I knew he was dating women and Sara often mentioned someone he had gone out with and her shortcomings.  I took some comfort from the fact he hadn't found anyone, but it hurt to hear about his dates even if it went badly.  Those women were at least able to do something I never would – go out with him in public without having to play at being just friends.

We did go out together, and I thought of that time as dates even if it wasn't for him.  It was wonderful to have him to myself like that and I could just pretend there was more to it.  Dinners in a little Italian restaurant we both loved were the best, but I often had to pull my hand back before I reached out to touch him in a lovers gesture.  It was pleasure and torment in equal measure.

The lines for him were very clear, but for me they had been blurred all along, and the longer I spent with him the more I needed him, and the more I prayed he would come to realise that he could have a real relationship with me.  I knew he cared about me, but that only extended to the ways he could enjoy my company, not to love.  

He told me a lot more about his previous encounters with men, and I held onto the fact that he had never had anything regular with a guy.  It was all drunken one night stands, rarely more than sucking, and the way he spoke about those men, I knew our relationship was different, just not as much as I wished it could be.

At that point I had no idea how different he was prepared to be with me.  We would kiss, a lot, before anything else happened, and he had no problem with licking and teasing my body before he got to sucking me off, or if I did that to him.  It always ended with him fucking me, never really face to face, unless I was riding him, and he wouldn't kiss me either during or after, or at least not on the lips.  

I had to be careful not to show my shoulders or neck as they almost always now bore some evidence of our most recent time together, bruises and marks that proved how much he enjoyed sucking and biting at me as he rode me into another wonderful orgasm.  He was by nature a confident guy, not afraid of telling people what he thought or wanted, and that certainly extended to how he was in the bedroom.  I wasn't exactly submissive, but I didn't mind following his instructions either since I knew it would always be good and it helped me maintain the appearance that this was only about sex for me.

Now and again he would let me take more control, and on those occasions I did take the chance to push his boundaries, particularly to get to a point where he let me rim his tight hole.  I had no doubt it had always been exit only, and the first time I dared to lick him there he nearly shot off the bed away from me.  It took a hell of a lot of coaxing on my part, and reassurance that I enjoyed it and it wasn't the precursor to anything being inserted, to get him back under me.

Thing was, he really enjoyed it.  He didn't admit as much, but over the next few times we met it became something he asked me to do for him before he fucked me, even if he did make very sure to tell me each time not to try sticking my fingers or anything else in him.  It was a start though, and the way he reacted with moans and cries of pleasure, and the way he pushed his arse towards me as I worked made me wonder if he was completely sure about him being no entry.

I had these fantasies, when I was alone in my bed, and especially after I had been with him, of taking it further and fingering then fucking him.  I could picture him writhing beneath me, the heat of him around me, his tight muscles twitching as I pushed into his channel, his screams and cries as he came, knowing they would be loud as always.  

That became my favourite stroke fantasy.  I didn't want to take a chance on him refusing me and never coming back to my bed, but I hoped he might ask for more one of these days.  I wasn't used to a diet of one-way sex, even though my preference was being taken.  The longer that was all I was getting the more I wanted to be the one sinking between those tight cheeks of his, giving him something he could only get from a man and hoping that might make him not want to go back to the girls.

* * * * * * 

By seven months into our arrangement I was pretty much obsessed, both with him and with getting his arse.  It was pathetic, because he still didn't give any indication of wanting any change to our situation.  He spoke about the women he took out freely now, telling me about them and how dreadful they were before he took me to bed.  Funny idea of foreplay he had, but when his attention did turn to me I never failed to rise to the occasion immediately, sometimes from just his smile.

I was surprisingly happy covering for my meetings with him, cancelling plans with friends and with my sister to see him.  For all I had said about him not expecting me to drop everything for sex, I would always make out I was free when he asked, because I craved being with him that much.  My friends didn't really notice, as it wasn't every night, but Alison certainly did.

“Why are you avoiding me?” she finally asked one day when I was at her house for dinner.

Instantly I was on the defensive.

“I'm not.”

“You do realise this is the first time in weeks you haven't had something else on.  Are you going to tell me who it is?”

Crap.  I should have known she was going to ask sooner or later.  I had to be very careful about my answer.

“No.  It's not like that Ali.  I've just been busy.  Sometimes that has been with a guy, but mostly with my friends.”

She gave me a stern look.  “That's rubbish.  I know your friends and they haven't been seeing you much either.  What's the big secret?”

Okay, perhaps my friends had noticed, and it wasn't going to be that easy to explain.

“Fine.  I've kind of met someone, but it's not serious.  I'm just having a bit of fun, and he's lots of fun,” I finished with a grin.

Alison looked a little happier but still not convinced.

“If it's fun and you're happy then that's cool, but I can't help worrying if you cut us all out for some guy you won't let us meet.  Promise me you aren't giving everything to someone who's going to drop you the moment he finds a better offer, and remember we will always be there for you.”

Was I?  Yes, probably, but I couldn't tear myself away from him even though I knew he'd leave me at some point.  Perhaps I was giving him too much of me, but I couldn't stop doing it when the time I did have with him was so good.  

“I promise I'll make more effort to spend time with everyone else.  It's just been such a long time since I've had regular sex, I keep getting distracted.  Sorry Ali.”

“You know I'm only saying this because I love you, right?  I want you to be happy, and I can't help thinking that a secret bit of fun isn't what you need.  You don't just need sex, you need more than that.”

“I know that, but until I find someone who can give me everything, I'm very happy to have at least this.  I'm getting what I want right now.”

There was half a lie in that, but I couldn't tell her more without betraying Cam's confidence or making her worry more about me.  She knew me too well, and what she thought, it was everything I worried about too, but I wasn't going to let him go until I really had to.

* * * * * * 

After that I did make more of an effort to see everyone else, and although there was some speculation about my mystery man, even Alison and Sara had no idea who it was.  The fact that Cam was keeping up a front of dating, and doing quite a bit of it as well, meant they never even considered him as a possibility.  My gay friends joked that he must be married, and although it offended me that they would think that of me when they should know how I felt about cheating, it was easier to let them assume that.

Meanwhile, I was still waiting for the day Cam found one of these women was worth breaking things off with me, hoping he'd decide he could be with me properly instead, and trying not to let on how much I felt for him.  My thoughts went from the heights of pleasure when he was with me to the depths of despair when I thought about how and when it would come to an end.

When he was with me I could forget what I was to him, but each time he left I imagined it was for the last time, and I hated how it made me feel.  I knew that I was going to hurt when it finally happened, and I wasn't sure how I would be able to cope with being without him.  I was annoyed with myself, knowing I had opened myself up to all the hurt that was on the way just so I could be with him.

Every time he called or texted, I made the time to see him, revelling in having him all to myself and thanking whatever deity was up there for him wanting to be with me again.  It was pathetic how much I lived for those moments, but he meant so much to me I couldn't help myself.  




Endings Ch. 02



* * * * * *

I was always alert to his moods, knowing when the sex would be gentle and sweet or hot and heavy, both of which I loved.  If he was stressed or had a really bad date I knew it would be the second kind, and I sometimes wished for more of that.  When he was rougher it was easier to keep my emotions out of this than when he was gentle with me, when I could almost believe we were making love rather than having sex.

He was always confident, sure of the effect he had on me, and it should have been an unattractive quality, but it really wasn't, the grin he wore most of the time when he was with me told at least of how much he enjoyed our time together even if it was nothing more than friends with benefits.  Those benefits made it all well worth it.

What I was really on the lookout for was the sign he had met a woman he wanted to be with.  That would be the moment I had to back away and try not to look as devastated as I knew I would feel.  It was with that thought in my mind, as usual, that one night came my first real moment of insecurity when he was with me.  Something was wrong with him, I could tell, but I had no idea what it was and I feared the worst.  Cam was never usually this quiet, and although everything that happened was by now standard, and he was his usual enthusiastic and noisy self as we had sex, beforehand he seemed nervous, and afterwards he was visibly twitching with nerves.

I wondered what I had done.  Had I let a little of what I really felt about him slip out?  Or was it that he had found the woman he could be with?  I hoped not, because not only did I want him to stay with me, but also I didn't like the idea of us having sex if he was in love with someone else, it wouldn't be right.  As we sat having coffee in my kitchen I decided I had to know, no matter how bad it might be.

“What's wrong Cam?  You've been on edge most of the night.”

“Just thinking,” he replied, not as casually as he'd probably hoped.

“You can tell me, I won't have a problem, whatever it is.”

He gave a choked laugh.  “I'm sure you won't.  I'm the one having the problem.  I can't, okay.”

He looked like he was about to run out on me rather than talk, so I figured that was the end of our conversation and I let it drop, although I couldn't help wondering what he had a problem with and why he couldn't tell me.  We talked a lot, we were friends as well as everything else, and he usually had no issue discussing things with me, even things I didn't want to know about the women he'd met.

I'd almost forgotten about it by the time he went to leave, our conversation having moved on to usual chat about nothing in particular, and it was only as he got his coat that things got weird again.  He could barely look at me, staring at the carpet as he pressed an envelope into my hand.

“Just read this, please.  I thought I could tell you, but I can't, so this is the cowards way out.  Wait until I've gone.”

I didn't really have chance to agree to that, he was out the door like there was a rocket behind him, and I was left staring at the letter in my hand, wondering what was so awful and terrifying he couldn't even say it aloud.  I had my suspicions, and none of them were good.  In fact, I was so sure what it would say I didn't dare open it the rest of the night.  I went to bed, trying not to think about Cam leaving me, and failing dismally.

I tossed and turned for what felt like hours, unable to sleep, unable to get the letter off my mind.  In the end I realised I had to know, no matter how bad it might be.  If it was the end, at least I could start dealing with that.  I tore the letter open, my eyes already red from lack of sleep, and read it through three times before I actually took in the words, and when it finally made sense I read it again, just to make sure it really did say that. 

Wondering if I was actually asleep and dreaming, I pinched myself just in case and decided I was awake.  Then a broad smile spread across my face.  What he was too afraid to ask me for was exactly what I had been dreaming about for weeks.  He wanted me to fuck him.

* * * * * * 

He didn't text me for several days.  I sent a couple of innocuous ones, saying hi and trying to make it clear I wanted him to come round without actually asking him.  Even though I had the concern that he would change his mind, the mere thought of being inside him had me hard every time it came to mind, and it came to mind a lot.  

It wasn't just that he wanted this, it was that I would be his first, the only one he had needed and trusted enough to give himself to.  That thought was almost more erotic than the sex itself, that I was something special to him.  Perhaps not how I wanted to be, but surely there was more to this than simply him wanting to try something new.  

I wanted that part more than anything, to be someone special in his life, no matter how much I might be kidding myself that it could happen.  He was opening his mind to different ways he could have sex, not to a relationship with me, but it was still me he would be doing it with.  Well, if he ever dared get in touch again.  Maybe he'd scared himself too much with that letter and I wouldn't get to do it.  All I would get was to imagine more of what I'd already spent hours doing.

Elation didn't even cover it when he finally texted to ask if he could come over.  He had to be kidding, I'd almost never refused him and there was no way in hell I was going to deny myself this.  Whilst that sounded selfish, I had every intention of making sure this was perfect for him, because that increased my chances of it happening again, and again, and...fuck those thoughts were making me hard again.

He was nervous as I expected, but I greeted him with a passionate kiss to remind him of how good we were together and how much I could turn him on.  It was strange seeing him on edge like that and not his usual grin that seemed more smug than anything when he turned it on me, mainly because it proved that he knew what he was doing to me, usually driving me wild in one way or another.

“You know I'm not going to do anything you don't want.  If you've changed your mind...”

I tailed off, wanting to give him a get-out but not sure I really could make it explicit.  I really wanted this but he had to be sure.

“I've not changed my mind, it's just a bit scary.”

“It will be really good, I promise,” I whispered into his ear, nibbling on his earlobe and hearing his groan in response.

That reminded me of how much I could turn him on, and he would need that.  Mind you, right now I needed to calm myself down else I wasn't going to be as gentle with him as he would need, at least to start with.  

“Come with me,” I muttered, leading him by the hand towards my bedroom.

He was trembling slightly and I was pretty sure part of that was for the wrong reason right now, but I knew I could sort that out.  Having decided how I was going to start this I stripped, not missing the slight fear in his eyes as he saw my erect cock.  He'd never worried about it before now, it was a decent size not huge, but I guessed it looked a lot more intimidating when he thought about what I was going to do with it.

Stepping close to him I made sure it was out of his sight before I started to strip him off, but just a little for the moment.  His shirt came off and I worshipped his firm chest and nipples for a little while, noting that despite his nerves he was hard inside his trousers.  That was a very good sign that he wasn't going to back out.

I worked my way up to his shoulder, nipping along his collarbone and then back to his ear.

“I'm going to need to concentrate on you for a while, so I want you to suck me off first, okay?”

He nodded and sank to his knees.  If there was a better sight in this world than Cam at my feet, licking at my cock, I didn't know what it could be, it was beautiful and just the visual, before he really touched me, had me starting to leak some precum.  I groaned as he licked it up and he flashed his smug grin at me.  This he was confident with, and very, very good at.

I was lost almost immediately, all my senses concentrating on my cock and how it was being licked and sucked as he worked me inside his mouth, and my balls that he was teasing and rolling around in his hand.  Ever since I got his text I had been at least half-hard, and his attention was quickly working me towards a climax.  I steadied myself on his shoulders and waited for the moment, not caring if it was quick.  If being in his mouth was this good I had no idea how being inside him would be.

He hummed around me, teasing me into coming in his mouth and throat, and it was just the incentive I needed.  I cried out and grabbed hold of him harder as I shot my load, moaning happily as I felt his tongue encouraging more and licking me clean.  He was definitely good at this, so much so that I slumped back on the bed behind me shaking, gasping for air and some control so I could get to the other things I really wanted and had promised him.

I heard him laughing softly as he lay down beside me,and that sound reminded me that this was supposed to be about turning him senseless, not me.  I took hold of him and rolled him onto his side while I rolled to meet him, immediately pulling him into a kiss and working his trousers undone and then down a little way while I plundered his mouth and tasted myself on him.

Taking handfuls of his buttocks, I squeezed, causing a groan that made me laugh and spurred me back into action.  I sat up, pulling the rest of his clothes down and off and revealing the rest of his glorious body to me.  He was hard, as expected, and he groaned again when I stroked one finger up his erection.

“Soon, I promise,” I whispered to him.  “Roll over.”

I gave him a gentle push to indicate he should get on his stomach and moaned quietly as he immediately did as I asked.  Perhaps this was the most beautiful sight I'd seen, his muscled back and arse presented to me, his legs slightly spread so I could see his balls and his hole.  He moaned and shifted a little and I knew that it was uncomfortable for him to lie on his erection, but I would sort that out before I got inside him, well, if things went as planned.

Settling down behind him I took a moment to appreciate the view, then nudged his legs wider apart.  My hands laid on his cheeks, squeezing and stroking them to little gasps of pleasure from him, but it was about to get a hell of a lot better.  He was about to get the rimming of his life, and this time I wasn't going to be worried about slipping inside him, it was what he wanted and expected.

My tongue flicked out, teasing him by barely touching his hole.  He moaned and I grinned, about to enjoy this just as much as he did, although part of my enjoyment was hearing his cries of pleasure.  I started to lick and suck on him, having to hold him still when he started to writhe under my attention because I didn't want him to get off just yet.  He gasped in surprise when my tongue finally started to work slightly inside him, but he only seemed to moan louder after that.

God this was good, knowing that this would  not be the end of my attention to his arse this time.  He was freshly showered when he came to me and I tasted the shower gel over his more intimate scents.  He was opening to me, spreading his legs wider and pushing back towards me to get my tongue deeper inside him, and his cries of pleasure were muffled slightly by the pillow but a clear encouragement as well.  

Reluctantly I had to pull away eventually, because we both needed more than this.  I rolled him over, delighting in the glazed expression on his face, the desire he obviously had for me, and the still hard and now leaking erection.  I knew he was desperate for me to suck it, and I was going to, but only after I grabbed the lube.  I started to lick as I prepared two fingers, and he moaned when he felt the first contact of my finger against him.

As I took his head into my mouth I teased my fingers round his entrance, wanting him to get used to the idea before I entered him, but he surprised me by pushing back against my hand and taking one finger into him.  Encouraged by that and the fact he immediately started to move his hips to get it to fuck him, I slid another one in beside it and he barely flinched.  With two fingers I could start to work him open and search for the spot that would have him screaming.

I would have smiled when I found it, because his reaction was so good, but I had my mouth full anyway and even fuller when his hips jerked upwards at the sudden rush of pleasure from his prostate.  I worked it then, his feet pushing him up off the bed to get greater pleasure from my mouth and my fingers, and I sucked harder, wanting him to come soon.

His cry was a strangulated combination of 'fuck' and 'Max' that sent waves of pleasure through me as I swallowed his sweet cum.  God, he looked good when he was totally undone like this, hair messed and face flushed, and I delighted in the fact that almost immediately he started to move on my fingers again, trying to get more pleasure from them. 

I slid a third into him, making sure to open him well, but avoiding that button that would send him soaring again.  He needed to be more in control, and I didn't want him to come again until I was inside him.  He was still riding me, gasping and responding to my movements with little moans that were driving me wild.

“I need it Max, fuck me,” I heard, more of a breath than actual words, but they seemed clear as day in that moment.  

I was shaking when I moved away from him, his little moan of disappointment as I removed my fingers from him making my cock jump.  I slid on a condom quickly, my excitement mounting by the moment.

“Roll onto your side, knees up,” I told him, helping him into the position I wanted him.

If I had my way, I would have taken him as he lay already, but that was going to be a harder start than with him curled up like this, and I needed to protect both of us.  I had a feeling that if I looked into his eyes while I entered him I would fall even harder than I already had, and I didn't dare put myself through that.  He never fucked me face to face and I knew there was a reason in his mind.

He didn't hesitate or argue the position, and I knew he was aware what was coming, but I wanted to make absolutely sure he had no doubts.  I spooned up behind him, my cock sliding almost into position and very obvious against him and he gasped but it was anticipation.

“Relax Cam, this is going to feel so good.”

There was a mumbled sound of agreement or encouragement, and I took that as my confirmation.  I took hold of my erection and guided it towards him, feeling the heat of his body even before I got inside.  He had been loosened by all my attention, but it wasn't quite enough and I felt him tense as I slid the head inside.  I stroked over his side and licked at his neck.

“It's okay, I'm going to take this slow.”

Fuck, he was so hot and tight it was a good thing I had come earlier, else this would be even more torture than it already was.  Even in this position, where I couldn't get too deep, I felt enveloped by his warmth and a tear slid out of my eye.  Wiping it away, I determined I was not going to let myself get lost in the emotion, this was about raw sex, not making love, no matter what I might want.

I slid in and out a little, testing his reaction.  He moaned but it was definitely a good one, so I pressed home, seating myself as far inside him as I could.  He shifted beside me, taking me slightly deeper and I moaned at him then, hearing a soft chuckle.  Damn man was even smug with my cock in him, I was going to have to put that right.  

The rocking movement of my hips started slowly, but he was meeting me with his own little moves so I gave him a sharp thrust, causing him to cry out again.  I liked that sound, it wasn't pain it was just me driving him to new heights, and I was going to make sure he soared to the heavens before this was over.  Speeding up I tried to listen to the litany of groans and cries, but I was making enough of my own that I wasn't quite sure which were coming from who.

“I need more,” he got out croakily, and started to shift, pulling himself away from my cock.

Surprised and horny beyond reason, I barely managed to let him go, unsure what was happening.  It was only when he settled back down on his stomach, legs spread in invitation again that I understood, and I pounced, getting on top of him and back inside before he really had time to settle.  Now I could go harder and deeper, and I made sure I did.

His groans were more muffled now, his face in the pillow, but his hips rose to meet me and urged me on to give him more and more.  It became a frenzy, I was aware of nothing other than the two of us entwined and fucking on my bed.  Having him beneath me was amazing and I never wanted it to end even though I was already close to coming.  A few more hard thrusts and he shook beneath me, his sheath tightening so that I could barely move and my cock could no longer take the stimulation.

I collapsed, aching and sweaty, shaking as I shot my load, my body covering his that was equally wiped out by our efforts and the intensity of our orgasms.  This time, I dimly realised, he couldn't get away from me the moment he came, he was going to have to stay there until I could move again, but I couldn't even hug him to me.  I basked in his heat and the afterglow for as long as possible, until his shifting became too obvious.

I rolled off him and turned away, unable to watch but hearing the sounds of him dressing.  Just once I wanted him to stay in my arms, or hold me, while we rested together.  I shouldn't be sad after incredible sex like that, but the instant he was out of my bed I felt the separation again.  He loved this, he didn't love me.

“Thanks Max, that was really good, I had no idea.”

His voice kind of tailed off, and I knew that was his goodbye, at least for now.  By the time I composed myself and turned to look at him all I saw was his back disappearing out of my bedroom, and even worse, the sound straight after of the front door.  He wasn't even going to hang around for a coffee.  I was such an idiot.

I knew how much I had hoped that me taking him would change things, but everything went as I expected rather than how I hoped.  After that night, it added some variety to the sex, but it was still just sex to him.  He loved making me spend time preparing him on the occasions he let me inside him, but it was mostly him taking control still, and I didn't mind that balance.  Taking him was difficult for me, because I felt a different connection to him and found it hard to keep back my wish to confess what I felt.

I knew how much I wanted him to stay with me, and as time went on and nothing changed between us, I also knew it was never going to happen.  One day I would be alone, hurting at a love lost, but I tried hard to put it to the back of my mind and enjoy the moments we shared without thinking of the loneliness I knew was in store for me.

On the anniversary of the game of truth or dare that had changed my life so much I sat alone at home, pleasant memories of the times we had been together fighting in my mind with visions of my future, the two intermingling so I couldn't be sure if I was happy or sad.  I considered being the one to end this, to save myself from more hurt, but I couldn't miss out on what we still had for anything.  It wasn't going to hurt any less whether it happened sooner or later.  As it turned out, it was sooner.

* * * * * *

It was only a couple of weeks after our 'anniversary', not that Cam had mentioned it and I knew he wouldn't.  We had gone out for dinner, one of those rare nights I could feel like we were dating rather than just screwing around in secret, and one of those nights that I cherished even if it meant nothing at all to him.  




Endings Ch. 02



Cam had been quieter than usual all evening, but not so off that I had managed to put my finger on what the problem was.  We sat in a little Italian restaurant together as we had many times before, both loving the food and the atmosphere in the place.  His gorgeous toned and smooth body was hidden by a tailored jacket and shirt and his usual jeans that hugged his arse perfectly.  Tonight would follow the usual pattern of us sneaking back to mine after dinner for some frantic and passionate sex, and I let my mind wander to thoughts of him naked.  

The pleasant thoughts I was having caused me to shift in my seat, knowing they were arousing me  and I shook myself out of it, embarrassed that I was reacting to him in that way when he was doing nothing, it was all my imagination and my memory of all the times we had shared before tonight.  It would all have to wait for later, and I stopped my train of thought to look properly at his face, his beautiful hazel eyes meeting mine.

The creamy pasta seemed to turn to ash in my mouth when I saw the look in his eyes that I had been both expecting and dreading for months.  It was time, and I had to steel myself to stay strong and not let on how I really felt.  I vaguely wondered how many times I had been over this scenario in my mind, working out what I would say, at the same time desperately hoping it would never happen.

“So, who is she?” I asked calmly.

He looked startled more than anything else, but the reaction confirmed my deepest fears.  There was a story to be told and one I wouldn't want to hear, but I had already seen his happiness at something that I had no part in and it was going to end what we had, here and now as we sat in our favourite restaurant. 

“A girl from work, Emily.  We've dated a few times, but it isn't that serious.”

“Really?  Your eyes say different.  You were thinking of her just then, weren't you?”

He flushed, which was enough of an answer.  He didn't seem to want to say it out loud so I had the opportunity to talk further and do what I knew was right.  I felt like my insides were tearing in two, physical pain both at having to let him go and trying to do it with dignity when I wanted to sit here and cry.  I wasn't going to humiliate myself like that and I was going to keep my lies up this one last time.  I forced a smile.

“I'm happy for you, although I am wondering when you were going to tell me.”  The guilt that passed across his face made me realise.  “I see.  A dinner and one last fuck huh?  I guess I've saved you from an awkward conversation later.”

“I'm sorry.  I thought it would be easier tonight if you didn't know, you'd only feel guilty.”

“And you wouldn't?  How could you have goodbye sex with me and not feel like you were cheating on her?”

“Because it's you.  I want...”

I cut him off.  “I'm not going to be party to that Cam.  You know the rules, this was going to end when one of us found someone they really cared about.  You want a relationship with her, then great and I wish you all the best, but you get your sex there now, not with me.  Casual is one thing, but I'm not going to be the mistress.”

“You could never be my mistress,” he replied, smirking slightly at the thought.

“The situation would be the same.  I've been your walk on the wild side, now it's back to the straight and narrow for you.  Straight being the operative word,” I remarked with grim humour.

He surprised me by taking my hand, holding it and stroking his thumb across my palm in a gesture of intimacy that still sent shivers through me even though we were breaking up, or at least I was.  He was calling a halt to things with his fuckbuddy and he thought that I looked on our relationship the same way.

“You know I really do care about you.  It's been wonderful and I don't regret it for a moment.  I want you to be happy too and I'll be hoping you find a great guy to share your life with, you deserve it.”

'What if I already did?' I wanted to ask, but I couldn't bring myself to form the words.

“Thanks, I appreciate that.  You're right, it has been good and I'm glad we got to have our time together, but all good things have to end.  I hope she makes you happy.”

“She will,” he said with a certainty that was the final stab to my heart.

* * * * * * 



Endings Ch. 03



Hi, thanks for all the votes and comments. This story is kind of a rollercoaster, but I promise to get it up pretty quick so you can all find out how it gets to the end. I will update my biog page with when new chapters are likely to be up, but I'm working on 2-3 days.

3

* * * * * *

That night I went home alone after an awkward goodbye hug. I wanted to keep him in my arms and never let him go, but I knew that there was no way I could make him love me like I loved him. It was all set in stone as far as he was concerned, and he was only ever going to see me as a brief intermission in his life while he looked for his future wife and mother of his children. I should be grateful I got that much, that I got to hold him and kiss him and make love to him, even if it was never enough for me.

I felt a strange kind of relief as I stripped off my clothes and slipped into my bed naked. I had always been waiting for this moment and at least I didn't have to spend any longer expecting the worst. The tears started anyway, my body aching to be with him and my mind berating me for not taking that last opportunity to feel his naked body against mine. I could never have done it though, I would have let him see my desperation or my tears and that would have left both of us broken. It was better that I walked away with my head held high and didn't let him see the pain I was in.

Sleep didn't come easily, even after I had cried myself out. I thought about him, his eyes sparkling at me as we teased and touched each other, his dark hair that I loved to mess out of it's waxed perfection every time I could, his beautiful body that I had spent hours worshipping whenever he would let me, his face glowing and sweaty after we had made love, and I whispered into the night the words I could never say to him. 

"I love you Cam."

* * * * * * 

Everyone makes mistakes, so popular wisdom has it. Sometimes you never know it was a mistake and the other course of action was the right one. Sometimes you don't find out for months or years that it was the wrong one. I knew all along, and yet if I could go back and make my choice again, I'd probably still choose him.

I reckon that most people would do the same. If you had the chance of the person of your dreams, even if it was only for a short time, wouldn't you take it? Even knowing they were going to leave you sooner or later, and that they didn't feel the same way about you? 

In the end, it didn't really matter. I couldn't change my mind and undo the last year, I just had to live with the consequences. How long had it been now? In one way it all seemed to meld into one, each day as bad as the last, but in another I could probably time it to the minute. I tried to hate him for what he had done, but I couldn't. It wasn't his fault, it was mine for letting myself fall for him. 

Even now, several weeks after that fateful night, I felt little better. The tears had stopped, although when I thought about it for too long I could feel them pricking at my eyes and the tingle as I held them back. I woke most mornings after dreaming about him, to a tiny moment of peace before I remembered it was all over. He'd called a few times, but I deliberately kept our chats very brief, making out I had plans and needed to get ready. I hadn't left the house beyond going to work, but he didn't need to know that. I avoided asking anything about her, knowing just from his voice that he was happy and not needing to torture myself further.

It was over a week since his last call, and I hoped I was managing to portray a man with an active social life who wasn't cut up about our 'friends with benefits' arrangement ending. I also hoped he would stop calling, not because I didn't love hearing his voice, but because every time it made the loss more acute. I knew to get over it I needed to cut all ties no matter how much I craved seeing him.

A long weekend pity party stretched ahead, and I wondered if I should go out, try and reconnect with some of my friends who I had been avoiding as far as possible for the last few weeks so I didn't let on. A couple of them knew I had been seeing someone, but no-one knew who. Seeing the state of me now they would know that it was over, and I didn't want to have to explain.

* * * * * * 

Somehow I did find the will to get myself out of the house and to see my friends again, and I was welcomed back into the fold with very little comment. I was acting happy just as much as I had acted calm and understanding when I found out about Cam, but at least it meant I was largely left to deal with things on my own. No-one realised how upset I had been, or was, and aside from the occasional mention of me having been out of circulation and dirty grins at the reason why, only Alison looked at me with compassion.

She knew, but she didn't mention it, waiting for me to start a conversation that I knew I wasn't going to. I made sure I told her I was fine and it was okay, but I could tell she didn't believe me. Nor did she like the fact I wouldn't open up to her, even when she tried to corner me about it, but even she gave up in the end.

By then, I wasn't so bad, and it was easier to see friends and not have to act so much. I was kind of happy, still lonely, but I had friends and family who loved me and that meant a lot. I couldn't face the idea of a relationship and I wondered in my saddest moments whether I would ever find someone who could give me what I truly wanted and be mine, but there was nothing I could do to make that happen. Time was all I needed.

It was months before I was really over Cam. Well, perhaps not entirely, as the sound of his voice still did things to me, but it was more due to the memories they evoked than the immediate moment. Any time he spoke brought me back to him whispering in my ear as we writhed naked together and that always caused a physical reaction. But I could cope, and I enjoyed seeing him, even just about okay with the fact it was usually now with his fiancee in tow. I assumed she had no idea of my history with him, and I was content to leave it that way, even if now and again I did wish it could happen again.

I wasn't surprised to get a call from him as we spoke fairly regularly now, and got on well despite everything. No mention was ever made though, and sometimes I wondered if I had imagined those months when any time we were alone together we were naked and fucking within minutes, even once or twice when we weren't entirely alone and had to have the quietest sex ever.

"Hi Max. How's things? I was just wondering what you are up to this weekend."

"Nothing. It's gonna be a quiet one I think."

"Maybe not. I'm calling to ask a favour."

"What do you need? You know I can't do diy, but if it's a bit of painting I might be up for that," I replied. 

He'd just moved into a new house with Emily and I assumed he needed help decorating.

"Nothing like that. I'm taking Emily away for a few days, we've had it booked for a couple of months, but my cousin just moved here yesterday. I don't want to leave him to fend entirely for himself in a new place and I was hoping you could meet up with him, show him round or something."

"Tour guide? I guess I can do that. Any particular time, or will he call me?"

"I booked that little Italian restaurant we like for tomorrow at 12. You can meet him then."

I went cold. That was one place I hadn't managed to go since Cam left me, it brought back too many memories and the ones of the night I found out it was all over were too raw.

"Um, can we go somewhere else? I'm not into heavy food in the middle of the day," I lied.

"Then eat a salad. He loves Italian food and it's easy for him to find. Plus you'll be in town so you can show him round after."

"Okay," I reluctantly agreed.

"Thanks Max, you're the best. I'm sure you'll get on fine with him."

* * * * * * 

Next day, as I got ready for lunch I was still wondering what I had let myself in for. I wondered if I was going to get there and find a total geek who was socially inadequate, or a complete tosser who would make me want to thump him. On the other hand, I figured that Cam wouldn't do that to me unless after everything he actually didn't like me that much. He obviously trusted me too, which was nice to know. I had after all, kept a big secret for him for quite a while now and I had no intention of letting that one out of the bag.

I was a little early, and as I was shown to the table he certainly hadn't arrived. Stupidly, I hadn't even asked the guy's name, and I had no real idea of how old he was or what he looked like. My eyes flicked up every time the door opened, but no men on their own walked in so I didn't wonder if the middle-aged man with a beer gut and his wife was him, or any of the group of teenage boys. 

Ten minutes after we should have met I was wondering if he was coming. After all, he'd also been faced with the prospect of lunch with a complete stranger and I doubted Cam had told him that much about me, if he even knew that much except what I liked in the bedroom. I was sipping on the drink I'd ordered and almost didn't bother to look up the next time I heard the door.

When I did, I knew instantly this was the man I was waiting for. I knew because he looked more like Cam than should have been possible. His hair was fairer, his eyes brighter, green maybe rather than Cam's hazel, but similar build and height and almost the same face. Then he saw me and grinned, and it was so much like Cam's grin I forgot to breathe. Sweet jesus, there was another guy who could turn me to mush with just a smile, that was not good.

He wandered over as I remembered that I needed to keep breathing and not start drooling. I was right about the eyes, they were a clear and dark green, absolutely gorgeous, and looking at me with amusement.

"Hi Max, I'm Paul. Pleased to meet you."

"Uh, how did you know it was me?"

Okay, not the best start, but at least it was english words in the right order, which right then seemed quite impressive when I was struggling to think straight. His voice was at least a little different too, perhaps not in tone, but he had a slight accent that marked him out as not a local. He let out a little laugh. 

"I probably would have guessed by the stunned look on your face, but Cam showed me your picture."

"Sorry. I should have started with it's nice to meet you too, it's just you look..."

"Really like him? Yeah, I know. Our dads are identical twins, Cam looks just like a younger version of them, and aside from the hair and eyes so do I. At least my mum managed to sneak something in the gene pool so I look a little bit different!"

I was imagining the family parties with a room full of men that looked that good, until I realised that train of thought was not going to be good for me.

"He could have warned me!"

"That would have been no fun! Anyway, the only thing you need to remember is I'm the better looking one!"

"And the modest one?!"

We were both laughing now, and at least it had taken the edge off my surprise, and my lust. He looked thoughtful at my question.

"Probably neither of us. No-one in my family is shy and retiring, we like to be up front with people. Have you ever known Cam to be shy of telling people what he thinks or what he wants?"

Yes, I thought, but just that once. Something of that memory must have shown on my face.

"Really?" he said, sounding surprised. "I'm going to have to ask you for details some time."

Not keen to give any, and glad he hadn't asked right then, I swiftly changed the subject.

"So, Cam said you've just moved here. You settling in okay, new job and stuff?"

"Yeah. I've got work on Tuesday, but aside from induction I won't be doing much the first week. After that I'm going to be doing pretty much the same as I did before so I'm not too bothered. It's just that awkward bit of trying to remember everyone's names and where the coffee machine is. The new flat looks like a bomb has hit it right now, boxes everywhere. I'm glad to get out of the unpacking for a bit."

"If you need a hand..."

"I appreciate the offer, but if I don't do it myself I'll never find anything. Plus I probably haven't got half the things I need, but I've never lived on my own before."

"Really? How old are you?"

He laughed. "Twenty-seven. I've not just moved out from my mum though, I was in shared housing as a student and just after, and then I was living with my now ex. Now I'm doing the change of scene and young, free and single thing. Well, I might try single for a couple of days!"

"That confident you'll find someone?!"

"Like I said, I'm a big believer in telling people what I think and what I want. You'd be surprised how often that works, if you like the look of someone they appreciate knowing that for starters."

"And if they say no?" I queried, wishing I was that confident.

"Then you look for the next opportunity. Not worth worrying over the odd knockback."

He sounded so sure of himself and together I wondered how I was so insecure when I had two years on him. Still, it was a personality thing, and what I knew of his family (well, I guess only of Cam but I was getting the impression they really were very similar) they weren't shy. I had to be pretty glad of that fact too, else I might not have got laid for well over a year now.

All my fears about this meeting evaporated over our meal. He was both like and unlike Cam, but the personality was so similar I immediately gelled with him and found him easy to talk to. It didn't hurt that he was good-looking as well, and the more I looked at him the more I thought he was right about being better looking than Cam. I felt a little unfair thinking it, but it was those bright green eyes that swung it. I was so relaxed with him and our chatting I didn't even find my imagination running wild with ideas of him in my bed.

We laughed a lot over lunch and I told him about the town, although it turned out he had been down a fair few times to stay with Cam. I told him a lot about me as well, but not that I was gay and definitely not about me and Cam. I'd promised that would never get mentioned and I had no intention of doing so. I also found out about his interests and his life, although he was pretty sketchy about the break-up. It wasn't that long ago so it might still be a bit raw. I could hardly judge, I was still troubled by a break-up only I had, and that had been months ago.

When we got to coffee I was so at ease I was only marginally confused when he seemed to change the subject from our debate over the best bands quite abruptly.

"Cam was right about you."

"Huh?"

He grinned the family grin. "He knew we'd get on. He's told me everything about you."

I raised an eyebrow. I doubted that very much, but he was still grinning back at me.

"You're thinking there's a lot I don't know, probably things I don't know about Cam as well. You're wrong. Even as far in the closet as Cam is about his occasional liking for cock, he had to tell someone."

I spluttered out a bit of my coffee at hearing that, but I didn't dare say anything. Maybe he did know that, but it didn't mean he knew I'd been some of that cock.

"He told me about truth or dare night and how he was going back for more. I have to say I was surprised, he's never been involved with a guy so long, even if his idea of involvement is sneaking around so no-one knows. He never told me a name until last week."

Okay, I was officially freaking out now, staring at the table rather than catch his eyes. I wasn't sure what to think about this, but obviously Cam had told him something or there was no way he'd know about that fateful game of truth or dare. Did he know that was me?

"You think it was me?" I kind of squeaked out, sneaking a look at his face. Of course, he was still grinning.

"I know it was you Max," he replied firmly. "He was showing me pictures of his friends, people I would get to meet now I was living here. I started asking about you and he told me."

"Why ask about me?"

He shrugged, his grin sliding a little so he looked slightly embarrassed. "Another one of our similarities. We seem to share taste in men."

I just stared at him, unable to think of anything to say, questions whirling round my head but none of them quite making sense enough to ask. Thankfully he started to answer some of them straight away.

"I'm gay Max. No closets, no secrets or sneaking around. I'm looking for a relationship not a fuck buddy. All those things I bet you wished Cam could offer you, I can."

I made some strange noise I'd never heard before, kind of a high pitched squeak. Even I didn't know what it meant exactly. I was probably in mild shock. He wanted a relationship? With me? One other thought intruded.

"What about Cam? Does he know about this?"

"He set this up so I could meet you, see whether we'd get on, if I'd think you were as cute as you are in those photos. To be honest, the way he talks about you, I know he wishes he could have offered you more, but it isn't who he is. He cares about you a lot and he wants you to be happy like he is."

"With you?"

"Hopefully, if you're prepared to give us a try. I know this is a bit weird and I probably shouldn't be springing it on you like this, but I really did want to meet you, even before I knew you were his big secret."

"But you don't know anything about me, or me about you. How can you think we would work out?"

"I can't know for sure, but when can you? I know I'm attracted to you, even more now I've spent some time with you, and I do know lots about you. Everything you've told me today, plus all Cam said about how great you are, and on top of that I know you kiss like a dream and are great in bed."

I blushed hard. "You shouldn't know that stuff."

"If it helps, that's all he said, I didn't get details. But it's more than enough to make me want to find out for myself!"

"Don't you think that's going to be weird?"

"No. Do you?"

That was a good question.

"Honestly, I don't know. You're so much like him, even though I see the differences. There are a lot of other ways you could be similar that might well be weird."

"You'll never know unless you try!"

I was thinking he had a point, up until I realised exactly what I was thinking about. I seemed to have missed a few steps and I went red.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"I'm wondering how in just over an hour we've gone from meeting for the first time, to discussing whether we could have sex and it not be weird."

He flashed me that grin again. "It's been a good hour!"

Could I do this, really? When he looked at me that way I thought I could, but I was still scared he was going to kiss me and it be horribly familiar. Getting over a guy I had been in love with by getting involved with his cousin who could almost be his twin, bad idea and wrong on so many levels, surely? But those eyes, they were the reminder that this wasn't Cam, and this was a man who I wouldn't have to pretend with.

Those eyes were staring right at me, expecting some kind of answer and I didn't know if I had one. I did want this, if only I could be sure it would not be odd. Cam only better, more gorgeous, totally available, I wanted that but it might not be fair to him either to start something I couldn't cope with.

"I need to kiss you," I blurted out, blushing hard when I realised I'd said it out loud, and even more when I noticed that the waitress had heard me. 

Paul calmly handed over enough cash to pay for our meal and her service and stood up, leaving me sitting there confused. He was walking out on me after what I said?

"Come on then. I'm guessing you don't want to do it here?"

No, I didn't, he had a good point. I scurried after him, catching up to his side once we got out the door. He turned to smile at me, but he looked nervous, not the usual confident expression I expected. It made him look even more desirable, that he wasn't totally sure of himself.




Endings Ch. 03



"It's okay Paul. I'm scared too, but it's just a kiss."

"No pressure, huh?!"

I slipped my hand into his and squeezed it to reassure him. I really wanted this to feel right. When he didn't let go I started to think it might. It had been a very long time since I last held hands with someone, let alone in public, and it felt surprisingly good to have a small connection like that. In fact, it was making me tingle all over. I laced our fingers together to keep hold of him for the short walk back to my flat.

We were both nervous and it only got worse when we were inside. One kiss could decide so much. I put my keys down and turned to face him. There was a metre or so between us and he was looking at me with a mixture of desire and fear that was probably mirrored on my face. I wasn't sure when to close the gap, unsure of starting this, but he took matters into his own hands, striding forward and pulling me into his arms and against his hard body.

His lips were on mine a second later, gently for an instant, before he was encouraged by my soft moan to deepen it and I met him in every movement. I forgot anything and anyone else, this was too good. I had no idea how much time had passed, but when he drew back from me I whimpered at the loss. 

Panting for breath I cracked my eyes open, bright green orbs greeting me.

"So..?" he asked, his voice soft and shaking.

"Oh god, Paul," I gasped out, grabbing his head to crush our lips back together.

I felt him relax then, and the kiss which was already incredible got even better. I wouldn't have thought that was possible, but the feel of his lips on mine was doing strange things to me. It wasn't just lust and the fact that I was getting hot and hard the longer this went on, it was the sense of this being right and making a difference in my heart not just my cock.

I gentled the kiss, needing not to get too carried away. My heart was pounding and I needed to breathe, plus I really needed to sit down because I was starting to shake. I led him to my sofa and sat, gathering some oxygen and my thoughts before I looked at him again. His lips were wet and slightly swollen, his eyes seemed to be glowing with intensity. I was sure no-one had ever looked at me with such want before.

Ideas of slowing this down faded and I pulled him on top of me, stretching out as best I could and making sure as much of him was in contact with my body as possible. It felt good to be pressed down by a hard male body, and he seemed to like it too, his lips back on mine a split second later and a soft sigh leaving his mouth as we reconnected.

We were far too involved in each other to notice anything going on around us, which was why it was only the loud gasp and hearing the words, "Oh fuck! Sorry Max," after a few minutes that made me realise we were no longer alone.

I sat up slightly, blushing when I saw my sister and then laughing when I figured she was more embarrassed than I was.

"I thought you were out for the day, I wanted to get my straighteners back," she mumbled, looking at the floor for a moment before her eyes raised again, apparently sure at least that we were decent. Then she saw Paul properly and her face screwed up with confusion.

"Cam?," she started uncertainly. "No, you're not him. Um, hi...sorry."

Paul was a lot smoother than I could be at that moment, I was too busy laughing at the look on her face.

"Hi Alison, I'm Paul. Pleased to meet you, although I guess there might have been a better time than when I was snogging your brother!"

Her look of confusion just increased at that and she looked at me for help, but I had trouble composing myself enough to tell her.

"Paul is Cam's cousin, he just moved here and Cam asked me to show him around."

"Looks like you didn't get very far. Or was it just a personal tour?" she asked, making me blush again.

"We may have got a little distracted," Paul admitted, although he didn't look too embarrassed or worried by it. "I ought to go home for a bit though babe, there's too many boxes to be unpacked. I'll come by later if that's okay."

I knew I looked disappointed, but it wasn't fair to argue. Also, he had called me babe which meant a lot.

"Sure, whenever you like. Do you need a lift back to yours?"

He grinned at me and pointed out the window. "I think I can make it to there," he said, indicating the block of flats right next door to where I lived. "I forgot to mention we were neighbours. Number 34 if you want to come find me."

If I wasn't surprised enough by that he kissed my lips quickly to say goodbye, and then leaned to whisper in my ear.

"I will definitely see you later, but you know where I am if you can't wait!"

I watched him leave, my eyes glued to how well his jeans hugged him as he walked. His last look back at me showed him exactly where my attention was focussed and he left with that grin on his face, laughing.

"So, spill," Alison said as soon as the door closed.

I smiled. "It seems Cam's cousin is gay, gorgeous, and available. More than that, well..." I checked my watch, "I did only meet him two hours ago!"

* * * * * *

I didn't want to cave too early on going to see him and make myself look too desperate, but I couldn't get that kiss out of my mind. With him gone though, I was sure I could do this, because I hadn't thought of Cam once during all the time we kissed. Two hours with him had cured the last of my broken heart. Alison was very interested in what I was going to do, but I managed to get her out of my place fairly quickly so I could decide.

He said he'd come back, but he'd given me no idea when and I didn't know how long I could wait. In the end I left it three hours before I headed over, cursing myself for not holding out longer. I'd spent plenty of that time looking out of my window trying to work out which flat might be his, wondering if he could see me from where he was. I got through the outer door with the same code for ours, so it was only a few moments later I was knocking on his door.

There was no chance of me playing this cool really, but I didn't have to. He smiled at me when he opened the door, grabbed hold of me and pulled me into his flat, kissing me almost desperately. He gave me a sheepish grin when he had finished plundering my mouth, and I stood there slightly dazed.

"Sorry about that. I wasn't sure if you would come. I didn't want to put any pressure on you in case you still think this is weird, but after we kissed, well, I desperately hoped you would want me as much as I want you."

"That's a hell of a lot. I've been pacing for the last couple of hours so I didn't look entirely desperate!"

"I could see, I just didn't know if that meant you were working out when to come round or whether you could do this at all. I thought I should give you some time."

"I can do this."

"Thank god!"

"It's just I'm not sure what 'this' is. What do you want?"

He looked confused. "I told you earlier, I want a relationship. I really like you and I want us to give this a shot."

It was my turn to grin. "No, I meant right now, what do you want? A kiss? A suck? A fuck?"

I heard him groan before he answered -- he liked my suggestions.

"Would it be greedy to say I'd like all three?"

"Good answer," I murmured, walking back towards him, intending to take control of him now.

He let me get close but then took my arm and span me round so I had my back to him, his arms wrapped around my chest. I could easily get away, but when he pressed his body into mine I really didn't want to. He held me tenderly but I could feel every part of him against me, one part in particular, and when he ground his erection into my backside I groaned loudly.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he breathed into my ear, "you are so beautiful, and now you are mine I'm going to enjoy every moment of making love with you."

My body sagged against him, but my cock was rigid at his soft voice in my ear and what he was saying to me. I let out a little whimper at the idea of us making love. I thought he might laugh, but he was too busy nipping at my neck and sucking on my earlobe, which just made me moan more. His hands slid up under my top and he stripped it off me, only letting his lips leave my skin for the second it took to get it over my head.

Half naked now, he took advantage of having my body available in front of him, kissing, nipping and licking across my neck and shoulders while his hands ran over my stomach and rolled my nipples between his fingers. I put my arms behind us both, letting him have total access to my body and stroking his arse with my hands. I was quivering with desire already and he hadn't touched me below the waist.

He soon put that right. His hand slid down from my stomach and across the tent in my jeans. My legs tried to give way, but he just held me tighter to him and refused to let me drop to the floor as his hand rubbed harder and squeezed my cock.

"Is this for me?"

A kind of breathy moan of pleasure left my body, which seemed to be a good enough answer for him. He ground his hips into me again, making sure I knew he was also hard.

"You've done the same to me Max. I am so hard just holding and touching you like this I'm not sure I can last even until we get naked, but I'm going to try."

"Please," I whimpered, not even sure what I was asking for.

"Anything you want baby. Tell me what I can do for you and it's yours. I'm yours."

I'd never been so dazed so soon, desperate but unable to work out for what, my body totally in need of something, anything, that would bring me to completion. His words were driving me wild, and his confession that he was mine sent shivers through my body. His hand was still gently caressing my cock through my clothes and that increased my distraction.

"I think you need to come, don't you?" he whispered. "Let me help you."

I couldn't barely walk or help him as he moved me to his bedroom, lying me down on the bed and removing the rest of my clothes in one swift move. I lay there naked, aroused beyond belief, and barely able to register the fact he was staring at my naked body.

"You're beautiful," came a reverent whisper.

Then he was on me, knowing I couldn't hold out just going straight for my leaking cock. Suddenly it was no longer neglected, it was surrounded by heat and warmth and it felt incredible. I moaned and cried out as he caressed me, his lips and tongue working my tool, but all it really took was a few passes of his closed lips up my shaft with a little suction and I was shooting my seed into his mouth.

I lay panting, my mind clearing a little more with each deep breath I took, the immediate need dissipating but ideas of what else I wanted forming in my mind. I grabbed for him and pulled him up on top of me, wondering why he still had clothes on and resolving to sort that out very shortly, but first I pulled him down for a kiss, my hands in his hair and tasting myself on him as his tongue played with mine.

"That was amazing, thank you. I don't know what you did to me, but I couldn't think straight. Now though, I'm wondering why I am the only one naked."

"Sorry baby, I got too carried away with what I was doing. Let go of me and I'll sort it out."

I hadn't even realised I was holding onto him, but my arms had worked their way down his body while we kissed, so instead of my hands being in his hair one was across his shoulders keeping his body tight to mine and the other was resting on his lower back, just above his jeans. That one had slipped under his shirt and I could feel the heat and softness of his skin. I stroked gently and felt a shiver run through his body.

"Seriously, you need to let me up. I promise you can get right back to that, but I need to get out of these jeans before I explode."

It was kind of a teasing comment, but he looked pretty serious and was probably far from comfortable if the bulge I could feel was any indication. Reluctantly I let my hands fall to the side of him so he could move, and I watched as he stood, slightly shaking. How much he wanted me was obvious, but I wanted him just as badly, and now I had some control of myself it was time to take control of him.

"Let me, I want to see and touch you now."

My hands were shaking as I stood too, reaching out for him, getting close so I could strip him. I raised his shirt first, making him wait for the relief he needed and allowing my touches to trail up his body to a small groan, his skin twitching under my fingers. He lifted his arms to help me and I bent my head to lick across a nipple while he was unable to see. 

That touch earned me a louder groan and I forgot what I was supposed to be doing, sucking a nub into my mouth and nibbling at it while pinching the other. Frustrated and more horny he struggled out of his shirt, trying to push me away.

"Please, not now," he gasped.

I conceded, knowing he was in much the same state as he had got me not long ago. He needed release badly and I wanted to see the rest of him. I dropped to my knees so what we both wanted would be easy to achieve as soon as I freed his cock. Face to face with the bulge in his jeans, I licked my lips, hands frantically working to get the zip open and pull them down, amused both at discovering he was going commando, and the moan of relief and pleasure he let out as his cock sprang free.

It was beautiful too, not that I had expected any less. Thick, a good length, hard as a rock and already leaking a little of his juice that I eagerly licked up. He tasted good too, and I wanted a lot more of that. From his heaving breaths I doubted it would take long. 

I licked up his length, lubricating him and tracing a vein with the tip of my tongue. His hands came out to grip my shoulders and hold him up and I decided to leave him there rather than lie down. I liked the visuals when this was done to me, and I hoped he would too. My tongue played across his smooth head, teasing at his slit and where his foreskin met it, and swirling around slowly before I started to take him into my mouth.

My eyes raised to look at him, and his were barely open, just about able to see what I was doing to him. From the sounds he was making and the look on his face, he was loving it and he was close. I sucked him in, taking about half of him into my mouth and wanting the rest but I didn't know if I had time to work him in, and decided I didn't if I actually wanted a taste.

It turned out to be the right decision, as he was closer to coming than I realised. A few more bobs of my head and he shot into my mouth, groaning loudly. I savoured the flavour of him, proud that I had been able to get him as worked up as he had done to me. I dimly recalled there was some reason I thought this would all be odd, but at the moment all it seemed to be was very very right.

Gathering him into my arms as I stood up, I carefully laid us both down on his bed. I'd got too used to not cuddling, or something like we had just done being instantly followed by some fucking, and I didn't want that right now. If he could truly offer me something different, then it was going to start now. To my delight he didn't try and pull away, he snuggled closer, wrapping himself around me.

I let out a contented sigh, but he was still panting and didn't respond other than his movement towards me. This was pretty much perfect, a warm and hard body against me, looking forward to knowing more of it but a moment of calm before that. I turned and placed a soft kiss on his arm where I could reach, hoping that it meant the same thing to him as it did to me. Then I started to wonder.

Hell, how could he be serious about even half of what he said earlier? Fine, he wanted to get laid and he knew how to sweet talk me, and I didn't really have any objection to that, but all his talk about a relationship and liking me from a photograph, that was probably rubbish. He talked to Cam and he knew I was an easy lay, and I could hardly deny it. He also knew I would fancy him, just as I did his cousin.

The sigh I let out then was less contented, but he didn't seem to notice that one either. I wished my head would stop whirling with thoughts like that and I could just appreciate the moment, but it wasn't turning out that way. What we had done so far, that shouldn't have happened, or at least not so fast. I had never been much of a slut before Cam, and that had turned out badly. I should have known better than to get carried away with Paul.

He was gorgeous, I had to admit that he pushed all my buttons, and what he said had ticked all my boxes too. Shame he had the heads up about what I would want to hear. To make things worse, I now knew how easily he could turn me on, and that made him dangerous. I didn't want to be a sex toy again, I was only going to get hurt. Christ, he'd even admitted he was not long out of a relationship, and if that was the truth I was the rebound fuck.

Suddenly all the things I had worried about earlier meant nothing. I'd proved he didn't remind me of Cam in the way he kissed me or touched me, but a whole new panic had set in. I needed to get out of here before I got too comfortable in his bed or his arms. I felt him relax against me, his breathing turning deep and even, and I hoped that meant he was going to sleep.

I pulled away from him, disentangling us carefully and slowly so he didn't wake. He stirred once or twice and I froze, but my movement didn't seem to bring him back to consciousness. I stood up carefully, trying not to rock the bed and keeping an eye on him. Even like that he was beautiful, but I tore my eyes away from the sight of him like that, the duvet just covering up to his waist and his toned stomach and chest displayed to me. I licked my lips despite my best intentions.

Quietly I gathered up my clothes and got dressed, blushing when I realised some of them were still in his living room. How had I got so carried away with someone I had just met? 

There was a part of me that wanted to go back, lie with him while he slept and take that time even if it was nothing more, but the largest part of me was screaming at me to run before I fell in love with another unsuitable man. I managed not to actually run between his flat and mine, but I only took a full breath when I was back in my flat and the door was locked and bolted behind me. Even then I realised he could see me from his place and I rushed to close the blinds.

Falling hard onto my sofa I closed my eyes and groaned at my stupidity. I needed a shower to get the feel of sex off me, and then I just had to hope that he didn't come and find me when he woke up. It was too much to expect he wasn't going to give me another go, I just needed to stay strong and remember why this was a bad idea.

* * * * * *



Endings Ch. 04



Thanks for reading and your comments and mails. I'm still writing this, but there is definitely one more chapter to come, perhaps two. They'll be up as quick as I can!

* * * * * *

I got about two hours of peace before my doorbell rang, and my heart was pounding when I heard it. I prayed it wasn't him, but I knew I wasn't going to be that lucky. His voice came through the door, and I let him in, having already decided it was best to get this over with. That didn't mean I wasn't scared of talking to him, but I had to.

"Hey baby," he started with one of his devastating smiles.

He thought I'd just gone because he fell asleep, and wasn't expecting my realisation about him to have come so soon. That was going to make things more difficult. He only discovered something was wrong when I ducked away from his attempt to kiss me, and I saw the confusion form on his face.

"What's wrong Max?"

"I've been thinking, and I don't think this is a good idea."

He looked stunned more than anything else, but then he had been sleeping while I was working all this out. I had the time to come to terms with it.

"Because of Cam?" he asked.

"No. Well, not really. You don't remind me of him...it didn't...I mean when we were kissing or anything," I replied, blushing at the thought of the 'anything'.

"That's good though. What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing. It's not about you, it's about what I need and I don't think you can give me. I got carried away earlier, and I should have stopped to think first. This isn't what I want right now."

"Did you think to ask me what I could give you? Or were you in too much of a hurry to run away from me the second I was asleep?"

He sounded a little annoyed, and I guess I couldn't blame him, but he wasn't saying the right things now, when he faced some kind of challenge.

"I didn't run. You don't need this either Paul, I can't give you anything."

"Funny, I could have sworn you were giving me great head earlier, after I turned you into jelly."

Exactly, I thought. He wanted me for sex, and even though I could give him that I wouldn't respect myself afterwards. I already didn't.

"It was good Paul, and you did turn me to jelly, but it was too much too fast."

"I didn't think you knew what too fast was."

That hurt, probably because it was true, but it was also cruel and he realised it as soon as the words spilled from his mouth.

"Sorry Max. I don't mean that. Maybe all that happened so fast because we are good together, not because this is wrong. Maybe you should think less and just let us get to know one another."

"Don't apologise, you're right. I do get into things too fast, and last time it ended badly, at least for me. I don't want to do that again. I need to think about things, not just follow any guy who makes my dick hard."

He looked at me sadly, and I realised I had just pretty much confessed how I had felt when Cam and I finished. That wasn't good, but he already had some idea if what he said earlier meant anything. Then I realised I was now the one being unnecessarily cruel.

"I know we just met, but I really hoped I was more than just some guy who got you hard, and if I'm not I want to be. I wasn't just trying to get you into bed Max. I'm not complaining, but you offered, I didn't ask. Please don't throw this away without at least giving us a chance."

"What happened to not worrying about the odd knockback and moving on to the next target?" I had to ask.

"Mostly bravado. I didn't want you to think I was desperate, because I'm not. I don't generally leap into bed with guys I just met, and I don't pursue anyone I don't want for a lot more than a quick fuck. You might not believe me, but I really do want everything I said earlier. I thought I would come out today and meet a cute man, I didn't know how well we would get on, how easy it would be to talk to you and share a laugh. Remember that, it isn't just that we turned each other on so much we couldn't resist what happened."

That was true, and I had almost forgotten how much I liked him even before I knew he was gay or wanted anything from me, because since then I'd got carried away with what else he was doing to me. He was so cute, I did really like him and we got on well. If on top of that he made me hotter than hell that could only be a good thing.

"I know you're scared," he continued, "it's not easy to get out of a relationship that meant a lot to you and not worry that this will end up the same, but I'm not him despite appearances. I'm not hiding who I am and I do want to settle down, and it will be with a man. You won't ever have to pretend that you're not dating, and I'd be proud to have you be my boyfriend, if you'll let me."

Crap. He was saying all the right things again, and looking at me in such a way I wanted to kiss him. He hardly knew me, and yet somehow he did know what I was worrying about. He wasn't Cam and I did know that, but that whole relationship was still affecting me. Perhaps it was even stopping me from getting involved with someone who could be perfect. 

"I am scared," I admitted. "But maybe if we can take this slow I can get over that. I'll understand if you don't want to."

He smiled at me, and it made me warm inside. It looked like he wouldn't want the get out I had just given him.

"We can take this as slow as you want. I would like to get to know you better, I'm sure it will be worth it. What happened today, that was amazing, and I hope it will happen again some day and be even better, but I'm happy for us to stay outside the bedroom while we work this out."

"How do you know the right things to say to me?"

"I don't know that they are, it's not like you've believed me so far."

"No, they are," I replied, slightly embarrassed to admit it.

"So how about we sit and watch a movie with a couple of beers and some pizza, and have a chilled out evening, no more thinking, and no more 'too fast'?" 

"Sounds good," I replied, smiling. 

* * * * * *

I woke up on my sofa, covered in a blanket and wondering what happened. I recalled us laughing at the dumb movie, necking a couple of beers each and finishing a huge pizza. I remembered snuggling up to him during a second film, enjoying his warmth and the feel of his arms wrapped around me and finding it comforting not just arousing, although I'd be kidding myself to claim I wasn't at all aroused. His closeness and his scent did things to me, but I kept them under control.

After that, there was nothing, and I must have fallen asleep. I was alone and it was about 1am, time to move to my bed. I got to my feet, seeing the empty pizza box and beer bottles on the table, and a note on the back of an envelope, telling me I'd fallen asleep and Paul had gone home. It was signed with an x, and that little touch made me all warm and fuzzy inside again. Damn it, I was falling for him already, and that was dangerous ground, I just knew it.

I was still too tired to work things out right then, and I fell into my bed with a contented sigh. This was so much more comfortable than the sofa. It was a shame I immediately thought how much more comfortable it would be with Paul in it with me, curled up together. That man was trouble and I needed to get my thoughts about him straight, but that would have to wait. I cuddled up to my pillow, kidding myself that I wasn't pretending it was his warm chest, and fell back to sleep.

* * * * * *

Sunday passed in a bit of a blur, I was tired to start with but when Paul turned up on my doorstep and suggested we go out for the day I made the effort and I loved every moment. It was lovely to spend time with him when there was no pressure for anything and I could take some time to get to know him. I had no idea if I could handle a relationship even though it annoyed me that I was not over what happened with Cam. 

I was nervous of starting anything, and the fact that Paul seemed to understand that and kept from pushing me in any way made that both better and worse. I felt bad for not being able to let him in just yet, but then I reminded myself that no matter what had happened yesterday, that had only been the first time we met. If I wasn't ready to commit to things with him in less than two days it was hardly something to worry about.

He was just perfect, not only in how he looked, but how he was with me. He touched me a few times while we were out, just taking my hand for a few moments, or brushes across my shoulder, and they made me shiver but also reminded me that I wasn't going to have to hide if I got involved with him. This was dating openly already, and if I couldn't yet go to bed with him I was going to enjoy the rest of it and get to a point where my mind stopped worrying about everything else.

I knew I was holding back, and he knew it too but he didn't press. Even when we got back home he left me with only a quick kiss, a definite reminder of our passionate ones the day but a dim shadow of them. It surprised me that although I had the desire to drag him into my flat and get more I couldn't seem to do it. 

It was almost a relief to go to work the next day, and get him and what I was going to do about this situation off my mind for a little while. It hadn't escaped my notice that all my lingering thoughts of Cam had been replaced with more immediate and needy ones relating to Paul. Nor had the irony that despite that, what had happened with Cam was the cause of my new problems. 

Even when I saw him later that night we spent very little time together, just a chat over a beer as he had to go get ready for work the next day. I teased him a little about it when I saw he was nervous, but he just laughed with me. It was bound to be difficult to meet a load of new people and settle into a new place, but I was sure he would fit in in no time, he was too cute and friendly to be ignored.

With all that was going on in my head about him I didn't really ask about his job, beyond finding out that it was in marketing. I kept my mouth shut about what a waste of time that was and how firms like mine had a huge marketing budget that seemed to mean we could never get any money to do the actual work. It was what I thought, but I was attempting to build at least a friendship with him and I didn't think he'd appreciate me sharing.

The next day I developed a new appreciation for marketing, or at the very least for the gorgeous man in a suit my company had just hired to do it. After a moment of mutual surprise as he was introduced to my team, obviously after so many introductions around the building that his head was spinning, I recovered fast and grinned at him. His manager spouted some of the usual line about what we did while he returned my smile.

"Hi Paul," I got in before the boss could get into names, if he even knew ours.

"Hey Max. I'll catch you at lunch, okay?"

I nodded as his boss whisked him away, amused at the coincidence and very much appreciating the way he looked in a suit. It was almost better than seeing what was underneath it, but only almost. 

I turned back to my desk when he was out of view, trying to clear my mind a little. It was only the sight of my co-worker Sam still staring after him that got me back to reality, because I had to laugh at the look on her face.

"You might want to put your eyes back in your head Sam."

"You might want to take your own advice Max," she muttered back. "Plus I am not going to be the only one drooling over him, all the single girls in the office are already lining up to say hello to the new boy."

I laughed, trying to keep it quiet. I wasn't jealous of that kind of competition.

"Shame. They are going to be really disappointed."

I heard her sigh. "You just had to ruin my moment. Why are all the cute guys gay?"

"They aren't, trust me, but that one certainly is."

I could almost see the wheels turning in her head as a cheeky smile developed.

"So, Max, anything you want to share?"

Perhaps if I hadn't blushed like a schoolgirl right then she might have believed me.

"No."

* * * * * * 

I had to wonder if this was fate, either setting me up or screwing with me, but it had arranged that Paul was around me all the time and I would have met him even if I'd never met Cam. I could hardly argue with his suggestion that we share travel to work, nor with spending every lunch hour with him, although usually Sam and some others were with us as well. 

Thing was, I really didn't mind. The more he became involved in my life the more I enjoyed having him there. It made me realise how shallow my life had become, waiting for a quickie with a man who I always knew was going to leave me, or dwelling on that time in my life without trying to sort myself out. I saw my friends and family a lot more now, and almost always with Paul there. Alison was happy because I obviously was too.

He was with me most of the time, except when I went to bed. That was the only place I hadn't managed to let him as yet, but he still wasn't pushing that aspect of our relationship. Everything I hadn't had with Cam, I now had -- the hand holding, cuddling, dating and not hiding it, all the little things that I wanted. 

As the first month of this passed, I started to seriously wonder what Paul was doing with me. Not that I doubted his motives, but that he would date someone who was finding it difficult to take things to the next level. I felt guilty for not making the move but somehow I didn't quite feel ready. I wondered whether that would happen before he got fed up with me, but he didn't mention anything. I felt like I was waiting for something to go wrong because it seemed so right.

The only thing that seemed to annoy him was when I mentioned Cam. Not that I ever spoke about our sex life or anything approaching that, but even the sound of his name coming from me seemed to irritate him. We even saw Cam out at house parties and down the pub, but only once or twice, and on those occasions Paul kept his distance, and aware that it was an issue, so did I.

Over dinner one night, our usual routine being to eat together at one flat or the other, I finally broached the subject, wanting to know what he was thinking. It wasn't quite fair of me, because I was the one with the most problems, but he was pretty much blanking his own family. When I asked, it took him a long time to answer.

"I just wish I had met you first," he finally replied.

"Without my hangups you mean?"

"No. Not like that, I just...I know he's family, but he's a dumb fuck for not seeing how amazing you are. I hate that he hurt you."

That was a strange idea, and one I didn't agree with. I had hurt myself by getting involved with Cam and taking what little he could offer. He had never pretended I was anything more to him, and I was the idiot who went and fell for him anyway.

"He didn't know. It was just sex to him."

Paul looked at me, clearly unimpressed.

"You keep making excuses for him, but he should have treated you better. It wasn't 'just sex' or he wouldn't have kept it going so long, and he must have known what that was doing to you, or going to do when he found someone else. I think he was relieved when he knew I was interested in you because it helped him feel less guilty about it all."

"Paul, he doesn't have anything to feel guilty for. I knew what was going to happen, and I chose to get involved with him."

"Seriously Max, stop with the excuses. He doesn't deserve it."

He looked like he was getting angry, and I kind of understood why. We should be having some great relationship by now, and instead he was stuck with me and my issues. It wasn't fair on him, but I couldn't entirely get past what had happened. As much as I had walked into my time with Cam with my eyes open, he probably didn't deserve me defending him.

Cam wanted sex, I was offering it on a platter, perfectly willing to spread my legs for him. I felt cheap and used that first time and I still let him use me again and again, even when it became me opening his legs and doing the fucking. I knew he never thought of it as more than sex, and I didn't need to excuse what had happened, I just needed to get over it.

What the hell was wrong with me? Paul had never once made me feel bad about myself, he spent all our time together telling me how wonderful I was and how much he wanted me, not for a fuck, but as a boyfriend. He was dating me even though after that first wonderful afternoon we had done nothing more than hug and kiss. He was everything Cam could never have been and I was keeping him at bay because in some screwed up way I expected the same treatment from him even now I knew it wasn't coming.

Paul was someone I could plan a future with, fall asleep curled up with, make love not just fuck. He didn't pretend we were nothing to each other, he held my hand in public and spent time with my friends and my sister. He made me happy in ways I never thought I would be again, and I could tell him even the things that had screwed me up and he didn't think it was my fault at all. In fact, I knew right then I could tell him anything, and I knew what he meant to me.

"I love you Paul."

I shocked him into silence, and I wasn't much better, that had surprised me too. It wasn't the first time I had thought those words, but I hadn't planned on saying it out loud. Too late to do anything about it now, but the smile on his face suggested he didn't mind, it was just unexpected.

"Me too," he told me, grinning.

There was something other than keeping this conversation going on my mind, my internal discussion and my confession making me realise there was no point holding back from something I really wanted. The way I felt about Paul was so different to anything else before now, even the love I had for Cam, and I needed to show it too. I almost pounced towards him, closing the gap and pulling him into my arms.

"I want to show you how much. Take me to bed, please," I whispered to him.

There was a soft groan from him and his arms tightened around me.

"Are you sure about this? I really don't mind waiting."

"I'm sure."

My words were so determined he obviously didn't doubt me and I was swept up in his embrace and almost carried to his room.

It seemed to me that it was only fair if I made all the waiting up to him in the best possible way, but I didn't get a chance to start that, he was on me immediately, letting his hands wander to places he hadn't touched since our one time together, and kissing me with an intensity I had almost forgotten. He really had been holding back, and now he had a green light he clearly had no intention of stopping.

Almost immediately I was in the state he had got me the first day, lost in the passion and desperate for more. I didn't let my hands stay idle either, I was tearing at his clothes just as he was at mine, trying to get skin on skin as fast as possible, struggling to achieve it when we were so closely pressed together and didn't want to separate. 

Somehow between our frantic fumblings we managed to get naked and I moaned loud at the feel of his body finally against mine, all hard muscle and definitely hard cock. His hands roamed my back and squeezed my arse as he plundered my mouth, barely letting me take a breath, not that I was sure I would be able to anyway with the fire that seemed to be burning inside me.

I had imagined this moment, so many times stroking myself at night to the memory and my fantasies of how it would happen again, but they paled beside the reality. I needed him so badly I was trembling with pent up desire, and I could feel every touch he gave me as little bolts of electricity into my skin. I was so unaware of my surroundings that I was lifted and pretty much thrown onto his bed before I realised I was moving.

"This time, you don't get out of my bed until morning. Promise you won't run again."




Endings Ch. 04



There was no chance, even before I saw the look in his eyes that told of his love and desire, and the fact that he was just as desperate for this as I was.

"I promise."

With that confirmation I was blanketed with his body, sending even more shivers through me. He felt so good, even when just lying there. I wrapped my arms around him to keep my muscled blanket on top of me, wanting that simple connection almost as much as I wanted more. My brain was too scrambled by his closeness to work out what more I could get, so I settled for lifting my head up to reclaim his lips.

Another deep kiss followed, but he started to move too, grinding parts of us together that were in need of some release right now. I didn't care if the first time we came together was like this, I whimpered my need and started to move my hips to meet him, taking hold of what I could to pull him down and tighter to me. After a month of nothing, this was intense enough.

Paul felt so perfect on top of me, his hands on my sides then my face, kissing me passionately while we moved together towards some completion of our passion. I had no idea how long I could hold out against the onslaught of sensations running through my body, sure that I hadn't got off so quickly with so little stimulation since I was a teenager and positive it was only because it was Paul.

Little moans spilled from my mouth into his, and he was replying in his own way, softly groaning at each slide and grind of our hard cocks. Our movements were getting smoother in one way as I felt the precum and sweat pooling on my stomachs, but jerky too as we both neared the end. A few snaps of Paul's hips, hard grinds against my erection, undid me and my cock jerked as I shot my load between us, only just noticing when he stiffened and stopped moving and cried out as his seed joined mine.

There was a peaceful moment, well apart from the two of us gasping for breath, and then he started to slide off me and I wasn't going to allow that. Even though I wouldn't have expected to be able to move it was almost a reflex action to tighten my arms and wind my legs around him as well so he had no choice but to stay exactly where he was. I heard a soft chuckle from him, and he placed a quick kiss on my lips.

"We'll get stuck together baby."

"I don't care, you're not moving," I growled back.

He started to laugh properly then, and I enjoyed the sparkle in his eyes as well as the feel of his laughter running through me.

"Okay. I do like it here, but I'm not sure we can stay like this forever. They'd get the shock of their lives at work!"

"Who said I was letting you go to work?"

He grinned, but just kissed me in reply. I wasn't entirely kidding either, if there was a way for the two of us to stay in bed for the rest of the week I would happily do just that.

"How about we stay like this for a little while, and then we go for a shower, during which I promise we will stay in very, very, close contact?"

His little wriggles to emphasise 'very' had me liking that idea a great deal, and even caused a twitch in my groin that I could have sworn would need at least a few more minutes to have any life in it.

"That sounds good, but only if I can wash you. I've barely had chance to touch you yet."

"I feel the same way, but we have plenty of time babe. I'd quite like to rub that body of yours all over, but I'm guessing there are some parts I'm going to pay more attention to."

That cheeky grin came again, but I didn't mind. It meant he was thinking of doing at least some of the things I would love him to, and what I wanted to do to him as well. I was enjoying the cuddling too much to want to move just yet though, it was something I had really missed.

"Give me five, okay? This is just too nice."

He kissed me, softly, just keeping our connection by nibbling on my lips. It was a sweet move and had my heart beating faster for different reasons to usual, it showed he cared. He let me have my few minutes as well, cocking his head at me when he finally drew back from the kiss in an obvious question. I unwound my legs and let him get up, although I couldn't stop the moan of disappointment I let out when I was finally free. I could happily be pinned down by him for a long time.

He smiled at me and held out his hand to get me to join him. I pretty much bounced off the bed and pressed as close as I could as he led the way to his bathroom. I didn't take my hands off him as he turned on the shower, just stroking softly over his back and the curve of his buttocks which were highlighted beautifully in the light as he leaned into the cubicle. He turned and smiled again before he stepped in.

"There's not much room, sorry," he told me, not really looking too upset about it. I knew I wasn't.

"I guess we'll just have to make the best of it," I replied, sighing dramatically as though there was going to be a problem, but the pleasure on my face when I pressed in beside him rather ruined my moment of acting.

"Come here. I'll try and make the discomfort up to you."

If I hadn't known for sure, I could have sworn that man had more than two hands, they seemed to be everywhere on me. At first they were stroking, then working me over with shower gel, and then there were little squeezes and as our fronts pressed together he ran fingers between my cheeks and across my entrance. I clutched him harder as the shockwaves went through me.

"Perhaps we'll leave that for later, there's no room for you to collapse in here," he whispered into my ear.

I pushed him back, not that he could go far, and started to soap his front, tracing his muscles and pinching his nipples as I worked very slowly down his body. His cock was upright again, pointing at me, but I wasn't going to make it that easy for him. It was his turn to moan and grab hold of me when I went for his balls though, rolling them around in my hand.

His expression, eyes darkened with need, prompted me to stroke up his dick, twisting my hand a little to increase the sensation, and I would have gone on but for his hand coming down to grab my wrist and stop me.

"Please don't. I don't want to come in here."

His voice was strained and I couldn't believe he was quite that close, but perhaps my teasing had more of an effect than I thought. His teasing of me certainly did more to me than I would expect. I smiled at him, pleased that I could do it, but removed my hand to make him an offer I really hoped he wouldn't refuse.

"How about we give up on this shower and go get dirty again? I want to come with you inside me."

"Hell yes!"

By mutual agreement we did stay apart to dry ourselves off and as we headed back to bed, but it was hardly less intimate as we couldn't keep our eyes off each other. Every little movement he made seemed to direct my gaze to another part of his gorgeous body, and I could almost feel the heat from his looks at me.

I couldn't seem to speak right then, but he knew what I wanted, and when I lay down on his bed and spread my legs in invitation I saw his eyes darken even further with desire. Part of me wanted to be face to face for this, but I didn't know if I could trust either him or myself with that intimacy just yet. In the back of my mind I knew that was a bad sign, but I also was sure given time I would get over the last of my issues. Tonight was proving that I could.

When he settled down beside me I tensed despite myself, but his hands were on me soothing my nerves a moment later. When he spoke his voice was a low whisper, sending shivers through me.

"We don't have to do this tonight."

"No, I want you," I murmured back.

I did, despite my sudden rush of nerves, and his hands on me and then his lips touching the skin of my neck and shoulders made me forget them, the fires building again. He kissed down my spine, little licks as well, and I squirmed under him, praying he would do what I wanted, that he would somehow know what I liked.

He did. Or at the very least he wanted that too. I moaned and fisted the sheets as his lips and tongue teased me in the most intimate way, the perfect simulation of what was to come. Each little slide of his tongue against or inside my opening had me desperate for more of him and reminded me of how good this was. I was jelly by the time he flipped me over and only stirred when two slick fingers entered me.

Actually, stirred wasn't the right description, I shot half upright, my eyes went wide, and I let out some strange noise I didn't recognise.

"Shit. Sorry baby, are you okay?"

If it weren't for me now being sat on his hand with his wrist clasped between my thighs I guess he would have removed his fingers, but he couldn't go anywhere and he was looking really upset at hurting me. I was too busy getting my breath back to reply for a moment, and then I managed to squeeze some words out between my panting, as I lay back and tried to relax.

"It's okay, just a shock. I'm not hurt, it's just been a while and I wasn't ready."

"Are you sure about this. We can stop, I don't want to hurt you."

God no, I didn't want him to stop, especially not now I'd recovered enough to realise how good even a little bit of him inside me felt. I wriggled on his fingers experimentally, and confirmed that my body was more than willing to take this and wanted more.

"Don't you dare stop Paul, I need you."

It was all he needed, his fingers started to move, and I lay back and enjoyed it, feeling him probe inside me and make everything feel so good. I moaned his name as he hit my button, making me want to come right then but it was too soon. 

"Not yet," I moaned. "Paul, do it."

I could see him fumbling for a condom, his body shaking with his own desire to do this, and it seemed to take an age for him to be ready. When I felt his cock against me I shuddered, but tried to relax, knowing this was going to be mindblowing.

"Paul," I murmured, trying to get him to move.

As he started to enter me I tried hard not to stiffen and put him off, but it did hurt a little. I didn't want him to stop, I needed this too much, but he seemed to stop where he was and I knew he was barely inside me.

"Please."

My plaintive cry caused him to move, lay himself out on top of me again, but this time as he did it he was filling me as well as covering me so all I could feel was his body inside and out. I opened my eyes to see his face right above mine, his eyes locked on my face looking at me with such love I had to close mine again. I just couldn't cope with seeing that right now, I needed to keep a bit of distance from the emotion of the moment.

He didn't let me though, even with my eyes tight shut I felt his lips on mine and I couldn't help but open my mouth to let him inside. His kisses were soft and light, in between pants of breath as he slowly moved his hips and slid in my channel and it was intense having his body against me and his cock and his tongue inside me. I knew how different being with Paul was and it scared me a little, but right now I couldn't do anything other than surrender to the other feelings he was creating.

Each movement tormented me in the best possible way. I rolled my hips, rising to meet his thrusts, making him angle to hit me just right and soaring to the heavens as he fucked me harder and harder, seeking his own release. My cock was being rubbed between our stomachs, giving me even more stimulation, and as close as I had already been it was too much. I tried to hold back and keep this going but I was fighting a losing battle and the next time he hit my spot I came hard, lights flashing behind my eyes.

I was only dimly aware of the fact that he hadn't stopped, but there was nothing I could do to help him, I was done. He only thrust a couple more times before he too came and I could feel the jerks of his cock inside me. My groan at that was drowned out by his cry of completion before he collapsed on top of me.

This was nice, that he didn't move even after I knew he could have. Although he was getting softer he stayed inside me, and he didn't fight my arms wrapping around him. He even started to nuzzle at my neck as his panting slowed and I mumbled and shivered at the tiny touches. We were sweaty and covered in my cum again, but neither of us were in any hurry to get away.

There was just that little doubt in the back of my mind about all of this, not really about what I felt for Paul but whether it could last. It seemed like there was too much emotion involved in this, and I was waiting for whatever would go wrong. I shook my head to clear the unwelcome thought and just relish where I was right now.

I only complained when Paul eventually got off me, but it was only to go as far as the bathroom and fetch a flannel. I smiled at him as he gently cleaned me off, and when he came back and got into the bed he pulled me up against him and into his arms, giving me little kisses. Neither of us spoke, I didn't want to ruin the moment of peace between us or confess how I was feeling right now even if I had been entirely sure.

I was warm and comfortable, totally sated and being in his arms was wonderful. This was different in so many ways and I just needed to stop that little bit of fear from driving me away. This wasn't the same as previous relationships, but that was the whole reason I was scared, I had far more invested in this than I ever had before, in the real relationships I had before Cam, but only with him and Paul had I had feelings like this. At least this time they were returned.

* * * * * *

I woke feeling amazing, still cuddled up to Paul in the morning light, still warm and cozy and most definitely not wanting to get up and go to work, especially not when I felt his morning erection against my back. It might be worth being late in to get some more of that, except I would be cross-examined by Sam and I wasn't sure I was ready for her nosing, especially as I was bound to go red if she mentioned anything about sex.

Paul looked so cute like this, although me shifting in his arms woke him up. His sleepy grin renewed my desire to jump him but he wouldn't let me because the alarm went off.

"Later baby. We have to go earn some money, but when we get home..."

He left his words hanging, but I knew just what he meant and I wasn't sure I was going to make it through the day with last night on my mind, or the promise of more.

And boy, was there more. We easily adapted to the change in our routine, spending all but our hours at work together, and even then we saw each other at lunch. Every night we fell asleep together either at his or at mine, usually after making love in one way or another, and I really could call it that. I'd never experienced anything like this, the need and want to be with someone not just sexually but in every way because I felt incomplete when he wasn't there. I really did love him.

The strange thing was, all my doubts and fears faded so fast I barely remembered why I ever though this wouldn't work. I was totally over Cam, all that sadness and loneliness was a distant memory, and what the sex had been like when he was around was even more distant because I'd experienced so much better with Paul, and I knew it was better because there was so much emotion involved.

My life was almost perfect, and if it weren't for that almost I would have been able to believe in my future. The stupid part was, despite all the stuff I had worried about, Cam was still a spectre hanging over our relationship, he just wasn't mine.

I had to avoid any mention of his name, because just at that Paul's face would darken. He was so happy and so loving the rest of the time, but I could put him in a bad mood with just that one word. I started off trying to reassure him of what he meant and that anything that went before was nothing by comparison, but when that didn't work I just stopped talking and did my best to avoid the subject. I hated it, but if that was what I had to do to keep Paul in my life I would do it, for now.

* * * * * *



Endings Ch. 05



There's one more chapter to get this back to the beginning!

5 

* * * * * * 

The knock on my door was unexpected. I was cooking dinner for Paul and I, waiting for him to get back with some clean clothes from his flat. I was surprised to see Cam on my doorstep alone. It was rare to see him without Emily these days, but I couldn't begrudge him that, I knew how happy she made him, and now I finally felt like I was over him it was good to see that he was in love.

"Hi. This is a surprise," I said, welcoming him inside.

Probably not the best move, I already knew that, but perhaps if Paul saw me and Cam together just being friends he would start to get over his issue with us having a history. It wasn't as if they could avoid each other forever, they were family.

"I know. I've not been over in a while, sorry."

He didn't look as confident as usual, and seemed contrite, and I did wonder what that was about. I was mostly impressed with myself that his presence wasn't doing anything to me. I had thought it wouldn't, but I hadn't been around him to be sure. Of course when he smiled, it was now a reminder of Paul. That was going to seem odd for a while, but it was my own fault for getting involved with two men who looked so similar.

"Do you want a beer?" I asked, heading to the kitchen anyway. 

"That would be good, thanks," he called after me.

Even he seemed to see the funny side when he pulled an envelope from his pocket as I handed over the bottle. I must have looked surprised, but I was smiling, knowing this letter wasn't anything like the one he'd given me before.

"I know this may be a little odd, and I will understand if you don't want to, but this is your invite to the wedding," he told me.

That pretty much floored me. I was not expecting one, and I hadn't thought about going until that moment, but it didn't seem the best of ideas even if I was able to move on without him.

"I'm not sure Cam. Do you really want me there?"

"Yes, I do. We want all our friends and family to come, but like I said, I will understand if you think it will be too weird, although it could look strange if you don't."

"It isn't about appearances Cam, you know that. I think it would be a little awkward to sit through your wedding knowing I've had sex with the groom. Perhaps I'll just invent a prior engagement."

"Will your sister let you get away with that?"

"She won't know if I make it work related. Paul will cover for me if necessary."

He looked at me kind of strangely, as if confused by what I was saying. Surely he knew I was seeing Paul? I thought Paul's issue was just with me mentioning Cam, not that he wasn't even in contact with his cousin.

"That's if Paul is even there. I've got to deliver his invite next, I was going with the easy one first."

"Why wouldn't he go? You're family."

"You really don't know?" he asked, clearly confused now.

"Know what?"

"I'm not exactly Paul's favourite person right now. We had an argument and he hasn't spoken to me for weeks. I thought he would have told you."

I was concerned that he hadn't. I would have expected to be told something so major, especially when he knew I was at least in occasional contact with Cam. In fact, I could only think of one reason why he wouldn't, and Cam's apologetic demeanour suddenly made some sense.

"You argued about me?" I asked slowly, not entirely sure I wanted confirmation.

He nodded. "I'm sorry, I really am. I know that it might not mean much, but you really are special to me, I just couldn't be with you long term and I thought you understood that. Paul kept on about how I used you, and hurt you, and I feel awful about it. I knew how much you cared, and I took advantage of that."

I felt myself getting angry, and it wasn't at Cam.

"Paul had no right to speak for me. Those things he said, that's not what I think Cam. I knew what you offered and I took it anyway, knowing the consequences. He doesn't get that and because I was hurt by what happened he thinks it is your fault. Don't blame yourself for anything, you didn't take advantage of me, I went into it with my eyes wide open."

"Thanks, but I still feel guilty. I did anyway, before Paul even knew you, that's why I arranged for you to meet him."

"Yeah, I kind of figured that out for myself, and he thought so too. A bit too convenient otherwise."

He grinned at me. "You mean convenient like when Sara set up for me to meet you?"

"Shit," I breathed out, barely audible, but at least he was still smiling.

"She told me, not long ago. I had to stop myself from laughing at her disappointment that her grand plan to bring out my bi side didn't work!"

We both started laughing, and it was good to have Cam relaxed around me again. It was also good to be able to laugh like that about us and not be regretting that it was over. 

"Yep, that is a shame. It was such a good plan as well, get you drunk and put temptation in your way!"

"It was a rubbish plan. It only worked because it was you. How could I resist someone so gorgeous?"

We were both still laughing, but I blushed as well at those words. It helped to know that he did care and think that of me, and I was still smiling and pink when the door opened on the two of us, but the change in the atmosphere was almost instant.

I looked up to see Paul there, key still in his hand, and looking seriously unhappy. I wanted to say something mild to break the tension, but he got in there first, and his voice was almost worse than the glare he was already giving Cam.

"What are you doing here? I thought we understood one another."

Okay, that sounded a lot like Paul had told Cam to stay away from me, and after what I already knew he had said I was not going to be happy if it was even worse. I stood and moved across to Paul, trying to keep calm.

"I'm pleased to see him, it's been a while."

Paul's attention diverted to me then, but he didn't look much better.

"Why would you even let him in after what he's done to you?"

"He hasn't done anything, and I'm getting tired of having this argument with you. Why did you tell him all that shit? You know what I feel about things, but you go and tell him what you think and have a row over it, plus on top of that you kept it from me. You don't have to protect me."

He seemed surprised that I knew, and a little embarrassed about it, but he was still glaring at Cam. I was glad to see that his expression softened when he looked back at me.

"I want to protect you, it's my job."

He tried to pull me close for a kiss, but I stiffened, really not wanting to right then. I'd rather have this out, and not in front of Cam, but Paul seemed to want to make some show of me being his possession, his hands were all over me and I found it hard to get away from him.

"Looking after me is my job. Right now what you have to do is explain this crap, because I am not happy. You might be my boyfriend, that does not give you the right to speak on my behalf or tell my friends to stay away from me."

"Please Max, don't be angry with me, I just want to stop you from getting hurt."

That sounded more pathetic than anything else, and I wondered what had happened to the man I cared so much about. Right now he was being an arse, and he wasn't letting go of me either. I wasn't one for public displays of affection, well, it was more like being molested and seemed designed to make a point. The more he pawed at me the angrier I got.

"Right now the only person hurting me is you, behaving like a possessive idiot. I think I've put up with your Cam issues for long enough, and I'm telling you for the last time, I knew what I was doing and I chose it. You need to grow up and get over this. The only problem it's caused you is not getting laid for a month and it's pretty sad if that's enough reason to drive your family away."

It probably wasn't the best idea to bring up him having to wait for sex with me, but I was mad now and I had only just managed to get away from his wandering hands. As I moved away and he took in what I said I could see his expression and his eyes change, and now he was looking just as pissed off at me as he already was with Cam.

"Yes, because it's only ever been about the sex for me, it's not like I care or anything...no, wait a moment, that's the guy you want to be best friends with. It was torture waiting for you, not for the sex, but for you to get over that dumb fuck so we could be together, and somehow I'm the bad guy now?"

"Right now, yeah you are. I'm over it, Cam's over it, you didn't even know me then so why the fuck does it matter?"

"It matters that you were cheap enough to let some guy who can't even admit he likes men screw you for a year. Why didn't you grow a pair and tell him to get lost?"

I was stunned into silence for a moment, not believing he could say that to me, especially when it was said with such venom. Cam filled the break in the argument, but he sure didn't make things better.

"You think he's cheap? After all that shit you fed me about caring for him and me having fucked up his life? I'm guessing you didn't tell him how you never had a problem with who I screwed first before now."

"They were not the same," Paul growled back.

"They?"

Cam and Paul both ignored my quiet question, and right then I wasn't sure I could deal with more information but as they were now arguing between themselves in my front room I didn't really have a choice.

"Why? Because he's been more important than them, to both of us, or because it's been long enough for you to lose your sense of humour about it? You know we've always had similar tastes, this is no different."

"No different? Like when it was the other way around and you fucked Steve in my house? While you're making out I'm the one who no longer finds it funny, perhaps you should tell Max why I don't trust you around my boyfriends. You wanted a taste of someone you hadn't had, even though he was with me."

"Maybe, but that would mean you can trust me with Max."

I'd never seen Cam's grin look so nasty, and he was really goading Paul now. I was seeing a different side to both of them and I didn't like it. I felt like a mouse trapped between two cats, both playing with me, and I wanted them out. That was made more difficult when Paul threw a punch and I watched in disbelief as the two of them started to grapple on my carpet.

This was surreal, and it took me a moment to know what to do. I rushed to the struggling men, kicking the nearest one to get their attention. I was so angry I didn't even know which of them I got, but it did stop them.

"Out," I growled. "Both of you, get out. I'm done with this."

I didn't know how I wasn't shouting, or how my voice sounded so firm when I was freaking out inside, but they seemed to notice and they both got up. Cam was the only one that moved towards the door though.

"I do mean both of you. Leave your key," I told Paul.

He just stood there staring at me in disbelief, neither of us paying any attention to the door opening and closing behind me.

"Max, please. I'm sorry, he winds me up."

"You know what? That isn't my problem. I want you out, go find some other guy you can play games with. I'm done with your family."

"You're not breaking up with me? Please Max, I love you. Don't do this."

"It's done. Guess what Paul, I grew a pair, and I'm not going to let either of you screw with me again. Now get out."

It took all the strength I had not to fall apart in front of him, especially when he looked so devastated, but I held it together for long enough to watch him walk out the door and lock it behind him. It was only once I was on my own that I sank to my knees, shaking and letting the tears fall.

A few minutes after that I started to realise that I needed to get out, right now. I was too close to Paul and I was pretty sure he would come and find me when he thought I had time to calm down. I rang Alison and grabbed a bag of clothes and essentials for a few days, sure I would forget something in my haste but I had to go before I fell apart again.

* * * * * *

I really loved my sister. She picked up a sobbing wreck, drove me back to hers and tucked me into bed in her spare room without asking a thing. She knew I needed her and that something was seriously wrong but she left me alone until morning. I slept only fitfully, but I did at least get a few hours in between going back over what happened and trying to make some sense of it. 

Right now the only thing that did make sense was my decision to take myself out of that whole situation. I needed to clear my head and work out what the hell I was going to do. I had Paul living next door and working in the same office, and getting away from him was not going to be that easy, but no matter why he had said it, the accusations he threw at me stung.

I dragged myself up in the morning, phoned work and managed to get a holiday at short notice (although I did lie about the reason I needed it), and decided I had to explain myself to Alison. Bless her, she'd even cooked me breakfast and made fresh coffee, but her looking after me meant she was really worried.

"So sweetie, are you going to tell me what's up? You look awful."

I managed a half smile. "Thanks sis, I really needed to hear that."

"Sorry, but you do look rough and I want to go slap whoever caused it. Have you split with Paul? What did he do?"

Could I tell her this story? I'd promised both Cam and myself that I wouldn't, but right now I didn't care so much, I wanted her help and support and she deserved to know why I was now in her spare room.

"Sister secret, okay," I told her, using the silly phrase from our childhood that meant no-one else could ever find out.

"Absolutely," she replied.

"The guy I was seeing, the one you never met and was a big secret, it was Cam."

If I'd been feeling better the look of shock on her face would have made me laugh. Sometimes I wondered if she had suspected, but obviously not.

"Fuck. You're serious?"

"Hell yes. We were sneaking around for a year without anyone knowing, it only ended when he met Emily."

"So what happened last night? Did Paul find out and not like it?"

"Well, he doesn't like it, but he knew all along. He told me the day I met him, and that meeting was set up by Cam because he was feeling guilty. I thought he was feeling guilty about leaving me, even though I always knew that was going to happen."

"But?"

"It turns out I'm not the first guy they've both had. Usually it was Paul picking up Cam's cast-offs, but then Cam fucked Paul's boyfriend. They had a row about that in my front room, after Paul pretty much threatened Cam for just talking to me. He got all possessive because Cam was in my flat, made me really uncomfortable, and I found out he'd already laid into Cam for taking advantage of me. Plus, the things he said about me were horrible. He was so desperate to have his hands on me, show Cam that he had what he couldn't or some stupid macho shit like that."

"Oh sweetie," she muttered, gathering me into her arms for a much-needed hug. "They are both bastards for not treating you right."

"I'm an idiot for getting involved with either one of them sis. But I thought Paul was different, I really thought this was it."

I let a few tears leak out then, still angry but mostly upset with both of them and myself. I really did think Paul was special and different and for the first time I could really see a future with someone in it, something I really wanted, but now it seemed he was just playing games with me.

"I'm not trying to defend him, but are you sure you aren't over-reacting to this, maybe misinterpreting what he said? It's just he really does seem to love you, you've been so happy."

"I know he does, and I know Cam was deliberately winding him up, but he called me cheap for what I did. He hates that I was ever with Cam, he has done all along. I'm just not sure I can cope with that. The way he was last night, that's not the loving man I know, he was just points scoring with Cam and I don't appreciate being on the score sheet."

I saw her bite back her chuckle at my choice of words, but it wasn't intentional. 

"So, what did you do, and what are you going to do?"

I shot her a dirty look.

"Thanks for the easy question, that's been driving me nuts half the night. I don't know right now. The stupid thing is, despite the fact he really hurt me yesterday, I still missed being in his arms last night. But I dumped him, told him to leave his key and threw him out, told both of them never to contact me again."

"You've decided then."

I sighed loudly. It sounded really easy when she said it, but it wasn't.

"No, I haven't. I was really angry last night, but I do love him and he's going to be really hard to avoid. I don't know if I can stick by that decision, but right now I'm not ready to deal with him."

"You can stay here as long as you need, you know that."

"Thanks sis. What I need right now is some peace and quiet, and no men to give me hassle, at least until I work out what's best for me. I also need to stop thinking with my dick, because he got me into this mess. No, actually, you and Sara did, with your wonderful idea for an experiment with Cam's sexuality. Thank you so much," I finished, with sarcasm.

"I'm sorry. It wasn't supposed to end up that way. I didn't even think he'd go for it once."

"Yeah, well it turns out he can't resist someone offering sex with no strings, but then what guy would? I probably shouldn't have done that, but it seemed like a good idea at the time and it was fun. I'm paying for it now though."

"You shouldn't be. I can kind of understand Paul finding it strange, but it is his problem, not yours. It's not like you were cheating on him."

"That's the stupid part of all this, that he knew before he even met me and he's still judging me for it. If he really loved me and trusted me he shouldn't care. It was nothing compared to us, he knows that."

Alison smiled at me and gave me another hug, probably because I sounded so dejected right now. It would all be simple if I could just switch off the feelings I had, and be shot of him like I probably should.

"They do say love makes fools of us all."

"That explains why I feel like a prize idiot right now then."

* * * * * *

I wasn't quite sure who I was punishing the most, but I stuck to my decision not to see Paul for the next few days. Well, I saw him at work a couple of times, in the corridors at at the other end of the office, but when I went back there I sent him a mail making it very clear he was not to come and talk to me. When I did catch sight of him I felt a physical ache at not going to him, but I was still angry and I didn't know what to say to him when I wasn't sure what I wanted either.

It was pretty clear he wasn't handling things all that well, and the one time I bumped in to him outside the blocks of flats he was pale and drawn. The look on his face as he realised it was me nearly broke my heart, but I just glared at him until he turned away.

Staying at Alison's felt like running away after only two nights, but after I went home I was on edge all the time, half expecting him to turn up on my doorstep and part of me wanting that. He sent me flowers and notes apologising for everything, as well as calling and texting, and Cam tried that avenue as well. I didn't listen to the messages, wanting to try and keep my head clear and make my own decision about everything, and I never answered the phone to either of them.

This time around the heartbreak and loneliness was worse, but at least I didn't have to hide it. I also knew it was my choice this time, not that I had created it, but that I might be able to end it if I just spoke to Paul. The problem was that I thought if I let him get close to me the physical feelings would take over and I wouldn't resolve the issues we had. The only way we could ever be together is if he would accept and get over what happened with Cam and I didn't think that he could.




Endings Ch. 05



I was still pissed at what he said about me too, and that there had been others even if they had meant very little. It felt too much like the two of them had been playing a game between themselves, and they were obviously competitive. The way Paul had become possessive of me in front of Cam was wrong, and that he had tried to keep him away from me as well, it all suggested a controlling side to his personality that I could not put up with.

It all came back to Cam. The thing I thought I was over when I realised how much I loved Paul had become what drove us apart. If I could go back now, perhaps I wouldn't have done it, but then hindsight is a wonderful thing. Having Paul without that baggage was my dearest wish.

* * * * * *

When the weekend came I made as many plans as I could to be out of my flat where I could not be found, and so I wouldn't sit there dwelling on that night and what I was going to do about it. Saturday morning I went shopping, although wandering around town was more accurate. I bought a couple of books but that was about it, I wasn't in the mood even for browsing but I had arranged to meet Alison for lunch and I had time to kill.

I was surprised to hear someone calling my name, but it was a female voice so I didn't instantly panic. Turning, I was even more surprised that it was Emily, and she was on her own. Maybe shopping for the wedding or something, but I'd never met her without Cam before. She was so sweet though I had never really minded that she took Cam, she was good for him and it was always going to be someone.

"Hi Max. How are you?"

Briefly I considered telling her the reality, but decided that was not the best option.

"I'm okay, just having a bit of a wander."

She looked nervous, shuffling her feet and barely catching my eye and it made me uncomfortable as well. Clearly we had very little in common or to talk about, or at least that's what I assumed was going on until she spoke again.

"Could we go get a coffee or something? I really need to talk to you."

"Um, okay. I'm meeting my sister in just over an hour, but I've got time and I'm bored of the shops."

Now I was intrigued, but she didn't say any more until we had got to one of the coffee chains and sat down with a huge cup each. I was even more intrigued when she insisted we have the largest ones, it suggested that she had a lot to talk about. I had to prompt though as she didn't seem that keen to start, even when we got sat in a corner out of earshot of the other tables.

"So, what did you want to talk about? You sorting things out for the wedding, because I don't think I'm going to be able to make it, sorry."

"I'm not sure right now that there's going to be one, so don't worry about it. Cam and I had a big argument and I don't know whether I can go through with marrying him."

"What happened?" I asked, not sure if I wanted to know, and very sure I did not want to be the one she discussed her issues over Cam with, but it didn't look like I had much choice.

"He came home with a black eye last week. He wouldn't tell me what happened, but I knew he'd been arguing with Paul, he had the same look as when they had a row a few weeks ago. Then Paul turned up at ours a couple of nights ago and they kicked off again. I heard everything they said Max, I know they've been fighting over you."

A kind of cold dread filled me, and I was fully expecting to get slapped, but she just looked sad, not upset with me. I knew I hadn't created this situation, but I did feel like I had to try and fix it, Emily and Cam were so obviously in love and she deserved to know that.

"They weren't fighting over me Emily, they were fighting about me. Fighting over someone implies that they both want that person, and Cam doesn't, he loves you."

"But you were with him for an entire year."

Shit, she really had heard everything, and they'd obviously gone over a lot of ground. I still had no idea why I was helping out an idiot like Cam, but I felt like Emily needed it.

"No, I wasn't," I said firmly, silencing her before she could interrupt me as she seemed to want to. "You've been with him, going out on dates, introducing him to your friends and family, holding hands and kissing in public, probably curling up in his arms after you've made love. I never had any of those things Em, none of it. I was only ever 'with him' for a couple of hours here and there, with no-one else knowing about it. That isn't a relationship, and it isn't anything like what he has with you."

"Why did you do it? Paul said that Cam used you and hurt you, but it seems like you wanted it anyway. Why put yourself through that?"

I thought about it for a long moment, and I didn't really have any better answers than I had given myself a thousand times when I wondered.

"I took what I could get. I knew what he wanted and that it was simple for him to separate sex and love. I don't really know what it says about me, but I took the little he would give me because it was better than nothing, even though I always knew how it would end. It was only ever a matter of when."

"So Paul was right, Cam did hurt you."

This was not going how I thought it would. She was talking about calling off the wedding, but more concerned about how upset I had been, and her eyes showed her sympathy for me. 

"No. You were right before, I wanted it anyway. I got hurt because I couldn't keep emotion out of it, but I knew that was going to happen as well. I hurt myself, in a strange way, and because I was a bit screwed up afterwards Paul blames Cam. It isn't his fault Emily."

"I can't quite believe that he was involved with you at all."

Oh, was that what this was about? Cam's fears about being outed as bi might well be realised, after all he had done to keep it a secret.

"It doesn't make a difference to how he feels. Just because he's slept with a guy doesn't make him any less in love with you. He's always been sure he would settle down with a woman, when he met the right one, and then he found you."

Her cute little face screwed up a little and I did wonder if it was distaste for the idea of men together, but she was surprising me in a lot of ways this afternoon. She was way cooler than I ever realised, and she did deserve something good, or at least not to let Cam go without all the facts.

"I'm not worried that he's had sex with men Max, and Paul made it pretty clear you were not the first, I'm just not sure I can forgive him for lying to me about it. He told me about every woman he's been with, we shared all of that, and now I discover there's a whole other set of lovers he didn't mention. That's what we argued about, not you, but that he hadn't already told me about it."

"I asked him once, why he wouldn't tell anyone. He said that people make assumptions and women would think he's promiscuous and won't settle down. He really believes that, and I'm betting he's terrified that you've found out. At least let him know what you're upset about, don't leave it like this or he'll never think any different."

She smiled at me, seemingly amused by what I was saying.

"This coming from the man who is refusing to speak to Paul?"

"Yep. It's not the same. Cam has his reasons for keeping it quiet and you should let him explain himself at least before you start calling off the wedding. Paul insulted me, got over possessive and had a fight with Cam on my living room carpet. I'm finding all that a little hard to deal with."

"And you think the two of them having a blazing row at my house over how Cam treated you was any less of a shock to me?"

"Maybe not," I conceded.

She sighed and sipped her coffee. "They're a pair of idiots. Shame we still love them."

"Yeah, it is."

* * * * * *

I didn't know why I couldn't go and see Paul after that conversation, but the longer I left it the more of a big deal it seemed and the more I shied away from having to. I knew I still loved him and I wanted to be with him, but I also knew it would never work if he couldn't deal with Cam. I almost didn't want to know for sure that he was going to hold that against me forever.

I dreamed about Paul, being in his arms, and every time I woke up I had the sadness that he wasn't there. He had been so much a part of my life, meaning so much after such a short period of time, and I couldn't entirely give up on the idea of a future with him even if I was still upset and angry about how he behaved.

There were still texts and calls, but less frequently as he realised I wasn't going to respond, and I still saw him at work and he looked no better than I probably did. To his credit though he did keep away from me and give me the space I was demanding, even though I knew it couldn't go on forever. I was going to have to talk to him, but I still wasn't sure what to say.

In the end it was nearly another week before my hand was forced, and not how I would have expected. 

The knock at the door was unwelcome, because every time it happened I assumed it would be Paul coming to beg for forgiveness as he often did in his texts. Just being disturbed annoyed me and put me in the mood for an argument, so I answered it, although I did put the chain on first so the door wouldn't open too far. 

I sucked in a breath when I saw the smiling face, because although the smile was familiar, I didn't know the guy.

"For fuck's sake," I muttered.

"Hello Max. It's nice to finally meet you. I'm..."

I interrupted him.

"I don't really care what your name is, I know why you're here and I'll tell you the same as I already told them, I'm done with your family. Leave me alone."

He looked upset that I was dismissing him so quickly, but I really didn't want to deal with this. How dare they send some other relative to plead their case? He was clearly a close relation to Paul and Cam, and I wondered how many of them there were, and whether I would have to take out a restraining order against a whole family.

"Please Max, this is tearing everyone apart, and I want to try and fix things."

"It's not my problem. Go bang their heads together and tell them to grow up, don't get me involved. I'm not interested in trying to fix anything."

"You don't care?"

He must have seen the flicker of hesitation before I answered, because he didn't seem to believe me.

"No, I don't. They made this mess. I'm sorting myself out, and I just want to be left alone to do it."

"Give me five minutes of your time, please. I know you care, else you wouldn't have talked to Emily and got her sorting things out with Cam. I know what's happened, all of it, and I understand you being upset, but please let me have five minutes to explain a little."

Five minutes didn't seem that unreasonable, and I had time to kill. I had all the time in the world since I could barely leave the flat right now for fear of running into Paul. I took the chain off and resisted the urge to slap that familiar grin off his face, because this guy hadn't yet done anything to deserve it, except look too much like the guys that did.

"Five minutes, only because I want to believe I can finish with all this shit."

I knew I was being unnecessarily rude, especially when I was already thinking of talking to Paul, but I wanted to know more, to understand quite how and why Paul had been playing me and why he had hurt me in the process. Perhaps I could get that this way without having to face him just yet.

The guy came in and sat down as if he had been here before, and it was so eerily familiar the way he appeared to take up residence on my sofa I had to bite back the twin urges to jump him or hit him, both of which I'd imagined doing to Paul since I'd thrown him out. 

"So? What is your name anyway?"

"Nathan."

"So, Nathan, you do realise coming in here looking so much like them could be hazardous to your health right now. At the very least you could end up singing soprano."

Fuck, the family grin came right back at me.

"I'm trusting in your good nature, which they both tell me you have. You're too nice to hurt someone who doesn't deserve it."

"Yet. You've come to plead on behalf of those that do, so I really don't think you'd be wise to make yourself too comfortable."

"Look, I know this is weird, but this is a stupid situation, they need their heads banging together, I agree, but I think you're going to have to be the one that does it."

"They've both screwed me, metaphorically and literally. I don't have to do anything for them."

"You do care though, I can tell. Cam, well I guess I can't really defend him, but Paul hasn't done what you think. He really loves you, this wasn't about getting back at anyone."

"Then why was he pawing me in front of Cam? He wanted to make a point, and I didn't appreciate it, before all the rest of that stuff came out. At least I know I am not the only guy stupid enough to let the pair of them play games with me."

"It really isn't about games. Paul was feeling insecure, not making a point. He needed Cam to know how much you two meant to each other. Think of it from his point of view, he already found Cam with one lover, and then he finds you two in your flat, knowing you've already had a longer relationship with Cam than with him."

"What me and Cam had is nothing like him and me, he knows that."

"Yes, I'd say he does, otherwise he wouldn't be so devastated that you won't even talk to him. I saw him after the incident with Steve, and when he broke up with his last boyfriend, a guy he'd lived with for two years, and he wasn't half as cut up about either of those as he is right now. Isn't there any chance you can at least talk to him about this."

I wanted to tell him yes, but I didn't know him despite him being eerily familiar.

"I don't know if I can. He said some nasty things that upset me and I'm not sure that he can get over the fact I have a past with Cam. I can't be with him if that is always going to come between us."

Nathan looked directly at me, and he looked as sad as I felt about what I was saying. I noticed then that his eyes were dark brown, and looking at them made me miss the bright green I was used to even more.

"Please give him a chance. He loves you."

* * * * * *



Endings Ch. 06



6

* * * * * *

It took me two hours of dwelling on the conversations I had over the last week to realise it came down to one thing. I loved Paul and he loved me. I had to talk to him for the sake of both of us, even if that conversation was the end of all my dreams of the future. I tried to delay things further by working through what I would say, and how he might react, but there was no preparation I could really do, I just needed not to let myself get distracted by him before we had chance to talk.

My heart was pounding as I got to his door, scared of seeing him and what I needed to do, but he didn't reply anyway. There were lights on and I was pretty sure he was home, so hoping he would forgive me for it, I used the key I hadn't given him back although he no longer had mine. The sounds of the shower running were clear and at least that explained why he hadn't heard the door.

Probably taking advantage of the situation I grabbed a beer from his fridge and settled down on the sofa, putting my key down on his coffee table. If I walked out of here without him I would never need it again. I shuffled in the seat, unable to sit still when I was on the edge of my nerves.

My fears mounted when I heard the shower stop and the sounds of him moving around in his bedroom. I thought to call out to him but my voice seemed to stick in my throat, so I just waited for him to come out and find me.

It was probably a good thing he had got dressed, because as soon as I saw him I was affected by the sight. He looked a little thinner maybe, and his face was pale, but he was gorgeous and I wanted him. Steeling myself to stay strong I waited another moment as he dried off his hair, and it was only when the dropped the towel that he saw me sitting there.

He looked stunned, not sure I was really there, and I couldn't start talking, I was just looking at his face and realising the sparkle was gone from his eyes. It marred his usual features, and it made me sad to see it.

"Max, you're here," he choked out, still staring at me in disbelief. 

He kind of sank to the floor in front of me, looking up at me with hope, and I didn't know if I could give him any right now, it still hurt. The state of him though made me realise I was not the only one who felt that way, he looked tired and as though he hadn't been eating. 

"Nathan persuaded me. I think we need to talk, I can't leave things like we did and we can't end on an angry conversation, we need to find a way forward."

"Together?" he asked, the desperation clear.

"I don't know."

This was harder than I had anticipated, because him being there and looking so sad was breaking my heart. I guessed I hadn't thought about the fact that if this was the end of everything my last memory of us would not be anger but the pair of us in tears.

"I'm so sorry Max. I can understand why you wouldn't want me back, but I really hope you can forgive me. I don't want to be without you. I've missed you so much, and I know it's all my own fault but that just makes things worse. I can't believe I said that stuff, or hit Cam."

I needed an explanation from him at the very least, because although I was pretty sure why he had reacted like that the first thing I had to know was that he recognised his problem.

"So what happened? I knew you had an issue with it, but Cam and I are over, were over before you met me. I don't know what hurt more, hearing that you two had some kind of competition going to share men, or that you called me cheap."

"I don't know what happened. I came in and saw you two laughing, and I heard the last thing he said about you being gorgeous, and I just saw red. I was so angry that you were defending him and questioning me that I lashed out at you too, but when I calmed down I knew why you did."

"Do you?"

He looked embarrassed more than anything at that moment. 

"Yes. I was the one being an idiot. You two were just talking, I know there's nothing going on, but I reacted like I was marking my territory or something. You aren't my possession, I'm just amazingly lucky that you chose to be with me, and now I've fucked that up. It's just him, Max, and I really am trying, but seeing you together so happy made me mad. No matter what you say about whose fault it was, you were still hurt after things ended. I feel so bad that being angry over you hurting then made me hurt you now."

"You did. We should have been able to deal with this without the insults and the fight, but you've always hated me mentioning Cam. Maybe I should have tried harder to persuade you it shouldn't matter to you and me."

He looked up at me, still clearly upset and trying not to get his hopes up, and I resisted the urge to take him into my arms and try and make things better. It wouldn't solve anything, it would probably just lead to sex and us not talking, and then nothing would be resolved. Knowing how good it would feel though, it did cross my mind to do that anyway.

"I'm sorry for not dealing with things right. I should have talked to you, but I was afraid to admit what I was feeling. You need to know, this wasn't about making Cam suffer even in the slightest. Those other guys, it was only a couple, we never did it by design, but it happened and we found it funny. I was never jealous, not even over Steve. That was pretty much over anyway, it was just confirmation."

"So why fall out with Cam now, over nothing?"

I saw a flash of something in his eyes, thinking for a moment that it was anger, but it softened instantly and his eyes locked with mine.

"You are not nothing. I'm jealous, okay? It's the stupidest thing in the world, but I'm jealous of Cam because he met you first. I wanted to persuade you that he used you so you would keep him away, and I warned him off so I could have you all to myself. I hated seeing him in your flat and you two getting on so well, it scared me thinking I could lose you to him."

"Idiot," I muttered, drawing a surprised expression from him. "I would never go back to Cam. I would never go back to what I had with him either. I couldn't settle for occasional sex with some cute guy when I know what it's like to make love with someone who really cares about me."

"No, I love you," he told me, braving taking hold of my hand and pulling it up to his lips to place a soft kiss on my palm.

I shuddered despite my intentions, just that little connection reminding me of how good we were together. The way he was looking at me, so hopeful and desperate at the same time was getting to me as well. I slid my hand out of his slowly, seeing his upset when I broke the link between us, but it took a lot of strength on my part to separate even that far.

"I love you too, but it's not enough. I can't be with you if every time we fight you are going to throw my past with Cam in my face."

"I won't. I promise, I can't lose you again."

I wondered if he really believed that, or even thought it was possible. Perhaps he was just telling me what he knew I wanted to hear, and I would have liked to believe him but it wasn't that simple even though he looked so determined.

"It's very easy to say that Paul, it doesn't mean you'll be able to. You've proved you tend to say the first thing you think of. Christ, now I think of it, you even said I didn't know what 'too fast' was the day we met, and that was because of Cam too." 

He looked truly ashamed, and he deserved to be. I was just amazed I hadn't realised before this point that the signs were there from that early on. Perhaps I'd just been too desperate to be with the man who was the new and improved version of the one I had loved and lost. Now I knew he was so much more than that, but it would be fair to say I had been thinking more with my dick right then.

"I'm sorry. It's not fair on you, but I guess you're right, I was kind of upset from the beginning that you had been with him. I wanted someone who was all mine."

"I was."

I meant that to sound reassuring, but the words came out with a kind of finality I hadn't intended and I saw tears welling up in his eyes. He turned from me and sniffed a little and I knew he was trying to hold them back. His eyes were too pretty to be reddened with tears and I broke my own rule, leaning forward to ruffle his hair a little to comfort him.

"Is there nothing I can do to change your mind?" he got out, although I could tell he was having trouble speaking. He was still turned away from me, fighting his feelings.

"You need to make up with Cam."

Those words had him swiftly turning back to me, my hand coming away from his hair with the sudden move.

"What?"

"That's what you have to do for me. You two were so close, and you've wrecked that with your jealousy. I need to know you can forgive him if I'm to believe you won't keep punishing me for what I did."

His expression was shocked, but otherwise unreadable and I didn't know what he was going to say next. It made sense to me, and I was pretty sure he would see my logic at some point even if he didn't right now.

"What if he won't forgive me Max? There's not just what happened in your flat, I got into another row with him afterwards trying to make out it was his fault you broke up with me. You have no idea what I did."

"You shouted and screamed at him about how he'd hurt me, so loud that Emily heard every word and threatened to call off the wedding because Cam lied to her about his past lovers," I replied.

The look of surprise his face might have been comical in any other situation.

"He told you?"

"No, she did."

I heard him exhale sharply.

"Was she okay? We never knew she was there Max, I wouldn't have said that stuff if I'd known."

"But you could say those things to me? You'd keep Cam's secret but you'll keep punishing him for it as well? She was upset, but not with me, do you know that? She doesn't blame me for any of it, she was just angry with Cam for not telling her about me or the others."

"She talked to you though? I didn't think you two really knew each other."

"We didn't. We kind of bonded over you two and your idiotic fighting. We're thinking of setting up a support group."

I actually saw a dim shadow of his grin at that idea. 

"The fact remains, that when Cam realised that she heard us he went crazy. He's not going to want to talk to me even if I get down on my knees and beg. If it's what you want, I'll try, but I can't promise you that it will work."

"Leave it to me and the support group."

* * * * * *

I got Emily's number off Alison and checked out how she was doing, relieved to hear that she had talked to Cam and now knew everything and accepted it. When I told her about what I had asked Paul to do she willingly agreed to help get the two of them talking again, because she recognised that they needed their relationship back as well. They were family and used to be close, and she knew that not having Paul at their wedding would upset Cam and other people who didn't know what had gone on.

I talked to Paul as well, but nothing was easy like it had been, and I missed that every time I was with him. I so wanted to take him in my arms and into my bed, but I knew that we needed to fix other things first, and then maybe we could move on and find the future we both wanted.

A few times I saw him looking at me and I could tell exactly what he was thinking, or hoping for. He wanted and needed me, but he was holding himself back too, knowing I wouldn't be open to any advances just yet. I think he was as glad as me that we were at least building some kind of bond again, even if it was far less than it should be. 

Thank god that Emily managed to organise our meeting for the next Saturday, else I might have gone crazy. If Paul tried, even if this attempt failed, it would be enough for me. Having him so near and yet not be able to touch him was more frustrating than I could ever have realised. He was so beautiful, made me want him every time he moved or spoke, almost made me forget why I was waiting.

His eyes had their sparkle back, and once or twice we caught each others gaze and there was want there, from both of us, but neither of us would take a step closer to make something of it. The moment would pass with obvious disappointment and the tension mounting. There was no way I could resist the man I loved for much longer.

* * * * * *

"Are you sure he's going to come?" Paul asked as we headed to the Italian restaurant. 

"Yes. Emily has him sorted. Just relax and do your best."

"Easy for you to say. I nearly wrecked his relationship."

"You both did that. If he'd told her in the first place she wouldn't have been upset. You just shouldn't have been rowing with him."

He looked scared, and I wasn't far off that. Although I was sure we would all be there, and I didn't have any apologising to do, a lot rested on this evening. We were only doing it in public in the hope that they would have to keep their voices down and there would be no fists this time. Emily didn't want Cam to get another black eye, and neither did I, Paul needed to keep control.

I knew we were early, but Cam and Emily were already there, and I took a deep breath, hoping that this would go well, even if it was only a first step. We had a square table, and they had arranged themselves opposite each other so Paul and I would have to do the same. It meant I would be beside Cam with no Paul between us, and I wondered if Emily had planned it that way. I also wondered if it was going to push Paul's buttons in a bad way.

There was instant tension, which was hardly surprising, but it didn't bode for a happy evening. Paul and Cam just about managed to say hello, but it was pretty much through gritted teeth. There was still evidence of a shiner around one of Cam's eyes, and they didn't shake hands. Great, this was going to be so much fun.

We were immediately asked for our orders, which just prolonged the agony, but since we all ate there often we knew our favourites and soon the waiter was off and we were left alone, and the silence was pretty obvious. I thought to spark a conversation up with Emily just to break the tension, but Paul cleared his throat first.

"I'm sorry for hitting you Cam. That whole situation got out of control. I've never acted like that before, but I was jealous and angry."

That was a good start, and Emily and I glanced at each other before waiting for Cam's reply.

"And I wound you up deliberately," he admitted.

"It turns out I have lost my sense of humour, when it comes to Max."

"I'm not a total shit you know. There's no way I would cheat on Emily, I love her. There's definitely no way I would try it on with Max when I know you love him."

"Yeah, I do."

The silence that fell then was not uncomfortable, it was just that we were all lost in grinning across the table at our respective loves. There wasn't a person at that table without a goofy grin on our face, and if the waiter hadn't come back with drinks we might have stayed like that for a long time.

"Emily, I also owe you an apology for the whole thing at your house," Paul continued once we were alone again. "I was blaming Cam for Max throwing me out, but it was me being possessive and insulting him that caused that, not him."

"I should probably be thanking you, in a strange way, else Cam would have lied to me for a lot longer. I didn't like finding out that way, but I think I needed to know."

"It wasn't good Paul," Cam told him, "but actually, I agree with her. I should have told her anyway, but you know I've always kept that part of my life secret. I also know you were just pissed at me, with good reason after what I said, and you didn't know Emily would hear you."

"No, I didn't, and I never intended anyone else to know. I never understood your reasons, but you're family and I respect them. Just maybe not so much when it involved Max."

This whole conversation going on around me was positive, but I was beginning to feel a little like I was being talked about without anyone remembering I was there, and I didn't quite feel comfortable with it.

"You do realise I'm still here right? All this stuff about what you both did to me, it's in the past. Part of the reason for this meeting is to stop dwelling on that. I've explained to Paul how I feel about it, by the sounds of things Emily knows what she needs to know, can't we just forget it."

"If that includes forgetting that I've been a complete idiot and hurt you, then I'm in," Paul told me, smiling nervously.

"It does," I told him, the stupid grin back on my face.

Why did I say that? Okay, I meant it, but the blaze in his eyes and his grin made me not want to be sitting here and having to be social when I'd much rather be somewhere private getting naked. He knew it too, and I was glad I couldn't tell what was going on in his head because that would have driven me even more crazy with desire. 

After that moment things were both easier and harder. The conversation wasn't stilted and Paul and Cam even shared a laugh, and I enjoyed chatting to them and Emily, but it was a lot harder to maintain my calm when I felt my cock twitch every time Paul looked at me. Memories of all the times we had been together crowded my mind and only made things worse, and it was pretty obvious how distracted I was at times.

One particularly heated stare had me heading for the toilet to calm down a little, just needing to get away so I could breathe properly for a few moments. I washed my face with some cold water, feeling like I was overheating just from the looks I was getting and the increasingly lurid thoughts I was having as a result. On my way back out I bumped into Emily coming out of the ladies and smiled at her.

"Are you sure leaving them alone is a good idea?"

She laughed. "The ultimate test. If we get back and no-one got thumped, I think we can count this as a success. Cam is on a promise if he behaves himself, and that should help. It looks like Paul is too!"

"Maybe," I mumbled, not really sure I wanted to admit how much I needed him right now.

"See, they're fine," she told me as we got back into the restaurant.

They were smiling at each other, having a quiet conversation but obviously not fighting. Perfect, really, even if it took a lot of effort and heartache to get them talking again. As they saw us they stopped talking, and I guessed there was some stuff they wanted to resolve on their own, but I didn't really mind about that so long as all the stupid fighting was over.

"Can we swap seats?" I asked Emily as we walked back.

"Okay, but only if you promise to behave. I've seen the looks you're giving each other, and if this is just about wanting to molest him under the table there will be trouble," she replied quietly.

I looked at her in surprise, but she was just grinning at me. Right then I didn't care if she knew how badly I wanted to touch Paul, and I was almost certain I could limit that to something appropriate for being in public. When Paul and Cam saw what we were doing they grinned almost identically, and I wasn't so sure that I could keep Paul at bay for as long as I needed to. Just pudding and coffee, I told myself, I can do that.

It was only seconds before I got some contact with him, but I did limit it to taking his hand in mine and giving it a little squeeze. He looked happy just at that and intertwined our fingers so I couldn't let go, not even when I needed to eat again. I shot him a look when I had to use the wrong hand for my spoon, but he didn't seem too bothered by my attempt at looking displeased. I obviously wasn't a good actor, he knew I liked the intimacy of it just as much as he did.

He only released me after we were finished and paid, and possibly only then because we couldn't stand and leave without separating as the table leg was in the way. I dug my hands in the pocket of my coat as soon as I could, needing a little time apart when everyone else could see, not that Cam and Emily were any less engrossed in each other. It was really cute, I thought, until I realised I had the same loved-up look on my own face. 




Endings Ch. 06



Paul must have seen me frown after that thought and he moved close as we headed out the door so he could whisper in my ear.

"Are you okay? I'm sorry for not letting go."

"I was just trying to get the daft smile off my face, I'm not mad at you. It was rather difficult to eat though," I said, making no better effort at looking upset about it than I had before.

He smiled. "I thought it was better than letting my hand go any of the other places I wanted to touch you."

How he got me to shiver with excitement at just a few words I would never know. Mind you, they were pretty much breathed into my ear, the suggestion of touching me elsewhere left in my mind, and his hand in reality tracing a leisurely but not indecent path down my back. Thank god we lived close by and could soon be alone.

I was glad that Cam and Emily were just as eager to get home as we were, probably for a very similar reason, although I doubted it had been weeks since they were last together as it was for me and Paul. I thought of saying he was going to have to wait, not seriously but just to tease him, but I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up an act of pretending that I wasn't desperate to have him close.

"Thanks Max," he started as we walked back to the flats.

"For what?"

"Making me talk to Cam, making me realise what an arse I've been, but most of all for still loving me despite what I did."

"It's in the past, like I said. Do it again, and I'll have your balls for it."

"Fair enough. If I lose you again I won't be needing them."

We laughed at that as we walked, and somehow I doubted I would need to threaten that again. Sure, we'd probably fight, everyone did, but nothing like this time.

I noticed we were getting faster and I didn't know who was speeding up, but figured it could easily be both of us. What was going to happen when we got home was pressing on my mind, and my jeans were tight thinking about it.

"Are you running and I'm keeping up with you, or is it the other way around?" I asked.

"No idea. I must admit I'm hoping for things I'm eager to get back home for."

"My place Paul. My bed has been really empty without you in it."

"Mine was empty too, but I don't mind where we are so long as it's together."

"Cute, but corny," I told him.

"Me? Or that line?"

I dissolved in fits of giggles at the words and the silly look on his face as he asked. It was nice not to be serious with him for a moment, because things were about to get intense. I fumbled for my keys when we got to my flat, trying to still my trembling hands and wondering why I was quite so nervous, it was hardly the first time we had been together.

Perhaps there was a similar thought in his head, because once we were inside and the door closed and locked neither of us moved for a long time, just staring at each other. I figured he was waiting for me to start things since he was the one in the doghouse, so I grabbed hold of his shirt and pulled him towards me.

"Come here baby, I want you."

His reply seemed to catch in his throat, coming out in a strange tight voice.

"I really missed you."

"Shush. Less talking, more make-up sex."

I think he started laughing, but as I pawed at his clothes, trying to get him naked, the sound turned to a groan. I missed the noises he made as well and I decided to make sure I heard the full range, including him screaming my name.

I shrugged off his attempts to get my clothes off, not willing to spend a moment longer waiting to see him. Every bit of skin I revealed was a delight, and as more of it was exposed I started to lick and nibble at it, paying attention to every little sound of pleasure spilling from his lips. By the time I had stripped him to the waist he was moaning and panting with desire, and I thought I had him under my control. 

Maybe not. Just when I was thinking I could do whatever I wanted he found some strength and pushed me back against the wall, keeping me there with his hard body. I could have moved, but the sudden contact of all of him against me caused flashes of heat through my body, and the memories of him on top of me in bed flood my mind. I moaned then, my hard cock trying to escape its confines and reach out to him for some attention.

He nibbled at my neck, slowly pulling up my shirt and making sure his hands travelled up my body with it. That felt so good, his touches were always good but after so long without them I felt the pleasure running even higher than usual. Once my top was gone, throw behind him casually, he pressed back against me and whispered into my ear again.

"We missed something love."

With that reminder his lips were on mine, begging me to open my mouth for his exploration and I let him in without conscious thought, letting our tongues twine together and renew their knowledge of each other. How had I not done this first? His kisses were needy and demanding, returned with equal passion, just perfect for right now, we weren't going to have a slow love making session this time.

As our kisses continued Paul started to grind against me, making me whimper at the contact between our hardnesses and how they were still trapped in too much clothing. I started to work my hands between us so we could free them, desperately clutching at buttons and zips to make some room and not helped by Paul who was continuing to press and push against my body, but it was not enough.

Breathless, I summoned some energy and pushed him back, managing to create a small space between us even though we were both unwilling to break even that far apart. Now my hands finally had room to remove the rest of his clothes, and his hands worked to do the same to me so that with a few pushes and wriggles we were able to step out of them.

Every time I saw him like this, hard and aching, knowing being with me had caused it, amazed me. It wasn't just lust either, it was everything and that was why I still could hardly believe I had found a man who made me feel this way. From the looks he was giving me, raking over my body, he was thinking something similar. 

Taking advantage of the space and a moment when his hands weren't on me I made a dart towards the bedroom, feeling his hands slip off my skin as he tried to stop me. Then of course he realised where I was headed and I heard his footsteps behind me. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that he tackled me, just glad that he waited until I would land on the bed.

I landed face down and he was on top of me a split second later. The breath was knocked out of me with the surprise, but I gasped for one when I felt exactly where a certain part of him had landed on my body. His cock pressing between my cheeks was not where I wanted it but I was very sure where I did.

"Take me, please."

It sounded like begging, and it most definitely was, I wanted him inside me more than anything. What he did to me when we were together in that most intimate way was always to remind me how much I was loved, whether it was frantic fucking or slow passion. 

"Not like this."

I thought he meant that he wanted me to turn over, but he just raised himself up so he was sat on my buttocks and started to massage my shoulders. I relaxed into his touches even though I missed the insistent feel of his cock against me.

"I love you so much Max, and I want you so badly, but we are not going to rush this."

I grumbled slightly, but in all honesty the fact he wanted to do that despite his obvious need made me feel cherished. His hands were so strong and moved smoothly over my skin, caressing wherever they touched. Fingers trailed down my spine, barely making contact but sending shivers through me, and then his head bent as his hands teased my sides, and there were kisses at the side of my neck.

"Paul."

It was a moan, almost his name as a prayer or whisper on my lips. I was so near to heaven right now, back with the man I loved so much and wanted with me forever.

"I know baby."

Did he really have any idea what he was doing to me? Maybe, he'd seen the effects before, but this time, every time with him was just that little bit different and meant even more.

His tongue trailed down my spine, following the path his fingers had taken before, his kisses and licks just as gentle. I sighed and sank further into the bed, not able to or wanting to fight the feelings he was creating, and knowing what he was heading to do, not wanting to deter him either. 

When his hands pushed my legs apart and fingers teased my inner thighs I didn't even giggle as I might normally at the tickle, it was just one more part of how he could make this so good. His face buried where I wanted to feel it, but it was just his breath at first, then the tiniest of licks from his tongue. I wriggled, trying to push back against him, and his hands moved to hold me still. 

"Don't," I murmured, barely able to get that one word out. 

I wanted him not to tease me any longer, to open me and fill me in the best way, and somehow he understood that. He went from the tiny laps to pushing inside me in an instant, twisting and turning his tongue around and inside me, making me cry out and squirm at the shock of the sudden switch in his behaviour. His hands went wild as well, squeezing me, nails dragging over my skin.

It was too much for me to cope with, this frantic passion after a night of glances and heat and all the gentleness. I cried his name somewhere in between the tension building in my groin and its release onto my sheets. He didn't even stop. As I lay there panting and barely able to understand what he had just done to me I felt two fingers slip inside, working me even further and I just surrendered to more pleasure.

I was still floating when he rolled me over, whimpering only at his fingers leaving me. 

"Look at me baby," he whispered.

It was hard even to open my eyes, but it was worth it. He was flushed with need, his eyes seeming to look deep into my soul and showing everything he felt for me, almost glowing green despite the pupils being blown wide. His toned muscles were covered in a sheen of sweat, his chest heaving with every breath and I almost thought I could see his heart beating.

"Beautiful. You are so beautiful."

I watched him move slightly, picking up lube and a condom from the side of the bed, but I took the foil packet from him and threw it away from us.

"Not any more. You're mine."

If I thought I'd seen every level of intensity and love on his face before now, I was wrong. He knew what this meant. His hands were shaking as he made himself slick for me, and then he was moving into position and I could feel the trembling of his body. I took his face in my hands, gently stroking his cheekbones with my thumbs and letting my fingers drift into his hair.

"I love you Paul."

I thought he might say it back, but even though he didn't I could see it on his face, and feel it as he slid oh so slowly into my body, looking into my eyes the whole time. Finally seated he just groaned and dropped his head and I used my hands to draw his face towards me for a kiss. I could feel the tension in his body, how much he was fighting for some control of his release, and I didn't care if he came right now, this would still be perfect.

Keeping the kiss light I was the one to start moving, hearing his gasp as the angle changed and the pressure on his cock brought him even closer.

"Let it go baby," I said softly against his lips. "I want to feel you."

There was a slight movement of his hips then, another groan, and then I could almost feel the instant he found some strength and energy and he pulled back and thrust into me again and again. Fast, not deep, but at the perfect angle to have me writhing and pushing back underneath him, seeking another release that had built so fast in me.

His movements became staccato, strangely uncoordinated, and he raised his head to look at me.

"Max."

It was the softest voice, barely there, but the word conveyed so much feeling I thought it could have made me come on its own, but accompanied by the swelling hardness and twitching inside me it was definitely enough. I covered our stomachs in my seed as his pumped into me, the strangest and most wonderful of feelings. No barriers this time, mental or physical, it was just us giving ourselves completely.

* * * * * * 

The wedding was wonderful, what little of it I paid attention to. Emily was beautiful in her dress, her mother cried, the whole scene in the country house was perfect, the speeches were just the right balance of smut and best wishes for the happy couple, and everyone loved the day spent with friends and family.

I spent it frustrated, so near and yet so far from the man I couldn't take my eyes off. Paul and Nathan shared best man duties, and in the past I might have wondered how I would cope with three gorgeous men in suits, but the other two might as well not have been there as far as I was aware. 

When he had chance, even when Cam and Emily were exchanging vows, Paul would lock eyes with me across the room, warming me from the inside with just a look and a smile. I knew that however much he wanted to do this for Cam he felt the need to be at my side as much as I wanted him there. It had only been a couple of months since we got back together, but we were pretty much inseparable.

I lost myself in the crowd for a while, finding Alison briefly but she was too busy getting excited about her bridesmaid dress (which she did look lovely in), and Sam who was trying to flirt with Nathan and apparently doing pretty well so I left her to it. I didn't quite feel comfortable without Paul beside me, and a few of his older relatives were well aware of our relationship and dealing with it in different ways. I didn't know if I was more bothered by the ones who had no idea what to say to me or the ones who got very excited about the lovely gay couple.

Sighing I turned to join the line for cake, feeling a little shiver run through me as another body joined me and pressed close, his arm around my waist.

"How are you doing baby?" he asked.

"Better now you are here. You know one of your aunts is so pleased to have some gays in the family she's off calling her friends to boast."

He chuckled and squeezed me a little tighter.

"Sorry, I do have some mad relatives. They aren't quite sure what to make of you for the most part, they've known about me for ages but it's different seeing me with someone."

"I can cope with being the curiosity if you stick with me."

"Okay, we'll be curious together. Come dance with me, I need you in my arms for a while."

That part was worth the strange looks we got, I didn't care when we were wrapped up together swaying gently. I really didn't care when he kissed me, just a couple of quick pecks on the lips, but it made up for a day of looking across a room at the object of my desires.

I laid my head against his shoulder and pulled him a little closer.

"When can we get out of here?"

I probably shouldn't have sounded quite so desperate to leave, but he just smiled at me and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

"We have to wait for Cam and Emily to go first, it's tradition. We already decorated their car, which he is going to hate because he loves that car almost as much as his new wife."

I laughed. "I'm glad to hear it's only almost as much."

"So is Emily, but she has no idea how close a call it is!"

His body shaking with laughter against me was making me even more sure I needed out. He looked so good today and I'd had to keep my hands off, it really wasn't fair.

"If we can't leave, is there anywhere private we can go? I need a kiss, a proper one that is not going to be suitable for your family to see."

"Follow me."

I didn't really have a choice, he still had my hand in his, but there was no way I was fighting him on this one. We wove through the people, heading for one of the large doorways and we so nearly made it before Paul's name was called and we were being dragged outside by the flow of bodies. I almost lost him in the crowd for a moment, but he wouldn't let me go.

They were organising to see Cam and Emily off, and everyone was supposed to watch. If only I'd asked for that kiss two minutes earlier we would have already been away. I hung back as the people arranged themselves and stopped Paul from going any further, trying to lead him away again and he gave me a sad look.

"Not long now, really. It won't be much longer until we can go home and fuck each other senseless."

I smirked. "That's romantic."

"I know you don't mind how I say it, or how we do it, it will always be love with us."

Of course I knew that, just as much as he knew I was only teasing when I complained about the lack of romance in his suggestion. I was lost in his eyes again, seeing the love he showed me every moment we were together, reassuring even when it frustrated me that we couldn't act on it right now. Perhaps one day we would be less insatiable, but hopefully not for a hell of a lot of years.

I was brought back to the present by my name being called, Emily's voice causing me to turn towards where she was standing, but I didn't even see her because there was something being thrown my way. Automatically I caught it, finding myself suddenly holding a bunch of flowers and everyone staring at me. It didn't quite make sense, even when Paul leaned in and spoke to me softly.

"So, how about it?"

"How about what?"

"You caught the bouquet, it means you're the next one to get married, so how about it? Can you put up with me for a lifetime?"

I forgot everyone else was looking at us, I just stared at him dumbstruck, but he didn't seem to be joking.

"It was a fix," was the first thing I managed to stammer out.

"No baby, it was romantic. Perhaps arranged by those that love you, but it's intended to be romantic. Please say yes."

He actually looked nervous as though I might not want to. Crazy man.

"Yes."

I was swept into his arms and behind a convenient pillar, dropping the flowers while he treated me to the kind of kiss I'd wanted all afternoon, and I didn't even care that anyone else saw it. There was no-one else in my world when he kissed me like that.

* * * * * *

That night, I lay awake, looking again and again at the ring on my finger and the matching one he had on his. The ceremony could take place whenever, I already knew I was his and he was mine before now, but a symbol like that meant a great deal, and the consummation of our engagement, when we finally got away from all the well-wishers and excited relatives, had been nothing short of spectacular.

If there was anything I had learned over the last two years it was that good things can happen in the strangest of ways. Today had been pretty strange and as a result I couldn't sleep, but the soft snoring coming from the man at my side meant I was alone with my thoughts. 

Some of my thoughts were definitely about him, considering how I could wake him and get more of his touches and kisses, remembering how he had made love to me before falling asleep and imagining how it would be just as perfect the next time, but it was only fair to let him sleep.

I smiled as he moved, unconsciously coming closer to me and making me shiver with the electricity that his touches always caused. Just looking at him, his arm across me and his naked torso half revealed by the covers, was arousing me but I was too tired for that even if I couldn't seem to drop off. 

Sighing softly, I snuggled up closer, hearing a sleepy mumble as I settled against his warm body. How did I get so lucky? Or maybe the question should be how had one crazy idea and all the pleasure and heartache that followed it led to something so right?

It didn't really matter, at the end of the day. I had my future and my happy ending and I was in his arms. There was no better place in the world, and everything that had happened led to this moment, even if it hadn't always seemed like it could. Relaxing, finally, I fell asleep with a smile on my face, looking forward to all our tomorrows.




Endings Ch. 06



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