96 comments/ 222402 views/ 274 favorites All I Want for Christmas By: sachiaiko As always, we have my little disclaimer. This story is a long erotic tale, not a quick stroke piece. If you're looking for something quick, raunchy and too the point, this probably wont be for you. If you're looking for a romantic love story, I hope you enjoy! As always, there are elements of fantasy in most of my work, and this is no different. I hope you like reading it as much as I loved writing it. Be well folks! ** All I want for Christmas... Justin rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands then stared up at the ceiling dappled with the filtered light from the streetlamp outside. The tune of "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth." Playing through his head as he thought about exactly what it was he wanted for Christmas. And it had nothing to do with his front teeth. Orin. Orin was Justin's best friend in the entire world, and had been for years. They did everything together, were the best of friends, and were so different they were teased more often then he could count. Orin was tall, muscled, a football player. Justin was tiny all around, and spent most of his time tinkering with computers and electronics. Orin had short curly blond hair and bright green eyes that come with deeply Norse heritage, while Justin had huge doe-like brown eyes and insanely long blue-black hair fit in nicely with his Native American heritage. Orin was straight, while Justin was gay. So, in short, one was light and one was dark. One was physically oriented while the other was mentally oriented. They were so different, and yet when they got together all of that melted away and they just clicked, fit perfectly. They could talk for hours about nothing at all. The friendship had begun as many of this nature do. High school Jock asks the brain to help him with his homework. In exchange Orin had taken Justin under his wing, befriended him in front of the whole school without any shame for the fact, and he'd protected him from bullies and the cruel behavior of the other children. In the worst years of Justin's life, where he'd been tagged a fag, Orin had come into his world and destroyed his demons, kept him safe, and befriended him despite the differences. And since then, they'd been fast friends. Orin had never cared that Justin was gay, or that he was a geek who spent most of his time staring at computer screens. And Justin never cared that Orin needed his help to bring his C average grades up to a B plus, or that most of his other friends were little better then animals in mental capacity and brute strength. They clicked, and that was that. Which is probably why Justin had been in love with his dearest friend for the past four years, and why right now he was staring up at his light-dappled ceiling humming the "all I want for Christmas" Song with Orin playing the part of 'Christmas Present' in his fantasies. This wasn't the first time though, and it wouldn't be the last time that he had this fantasy. He would give anything for Orin to give him just one chance, but how do you break to your best friend in the world that you're in love with him? Bang. Bang. Bang. Justin groaned at the incessant sound of some one at his front door. He allowed it to continue for a moment and then finally he had to smile because the only one it could be was Orin. So, dragging himself from bed he made his way towards the door, peeked through the peep hole, then unlocked his door and got it open about half way before his friend pushed through into the room beyond. "Get dressssed. We're going out!" Orin said, his bright green eyes amused as he raked a look down Justin's half dressed slightly mused form. "Christmas party, come on, come on!" he continued as he made his way down the hallway into Justin's bedroom and began to rummage through his clothing while Justin stood by, trying not to grin. "If you were going to invite me to a Christmas party, why in gods name didn't you tell me so I could get ready?" Justin asked archly, taking the clothes Orin picked out for him and began to get dressed. "Eh, I know you, if I had told you about this party you'd have preened for three hours in front of the mirror brushing all that damned hair and making sure you looked perfect. This way, I get you ready in a matter of minutes and we only end up fashionably late." Orin grinned roguishly, giving his friend a wink as he walked behind him and snatched the wrist-thick braid, pulling the tie out and running his hands through it to help his friend along in the dressing process. "Now hurry up and run a brush through your hair, toss on some cologne, and we're good ta go!" Orin said, face all bright and open with happiness. Orin never quite realized that when he touched Justin's hair he was taking liberties that were far more intimate then he intended. Of course, Justin never took it the wrong way, and he never said anything, but as Orin's fingers ran through the soft strands of his hair it made his head prickle and tickle, and sent shivers down his spine. He loved having his hair played with, something his best friend was aware of which was why he always insisted on playing with it. It was Orin's way of playing and teasing his friend, it was his way of saying, "See! I don't care that you're gay! I'm confident in my masculinity, there's not a damned thing wrong with me touching your hair." And of course, Justin thought those might have been his exact words in response to the single time Justin had ever said anything. Buttoning up the fly on his blue jeans, Justin turned from his friend and walked towards his bathroom with Orin following like a lost puppy begging to be taken out for a walk. "For a straight guy, you can pick out clothes." Justin said, staring at his reflection in the mirror as he brushed the silken curtain of hair to gleaming perfection. He had a pair of blue jeans on, cut low on his hips and clinging to his body like a second skin along with a soft button down shirt with long sleeves. It was an unassuming look that showed a bit of flesh around his narrow hips, flashed a bit of the v that disappeared into those pants. Really, he looked amazing, he had to admit. "Eh, you're so tiny, you have that slim chic thing going on for you. I don't look good in that style, I look ridiculous. I'm so bulky compared to you." Orin replied, giving a little shrug, "but you wear it well, and you do realize I don't have to be gay to pick out clothes. Christ, you're sense of style is horrendous. If it wasn't for me you'd be wearing computer parts." Justin couldn't help but laugh as he turned to go, finally finished getting ready. "Alright, let's go my Fashion expert." Justin said jokingly. "There'll be some men there tonight." Orin said just as he got Justin to lock his door and head for the car. Justin's feet skipped a step and for a moment Orin thought he'd stumble and fall, but he didn't. "Come on, it's not gonna kill you to go dating. Shit, it may not be kosher or whatever for me to be trying to set you up, but you're my best friend, I just want you happy Justin." "Okay, look, I can date I've dated, I just don't feel like it right now is all. It's no big deal, I'm happy, I'm good, seriously." Orin said, "I'm just begging you, please, please, please, don't set me up with any particular guys tonight, don't push me on anyone, please, Orin. I really won't do well with that tonight okay?" Slipping into his car, Orin waited until Justin had joined him before he gave him his best pout and sad eyes. "Fine, fine, I hear you." He said, heaving a great long-suffering sigh as he turned the key in the ignition. "Fine, no honest, but if you get hit on don't assume it was me setting you up. You look good tonight, you know you do, and you know how some men drool over your hair. So don't go blaming me if some guy wont take no for an answer." Justin glanced at his friend, there was some tone in his voice when he said those things, and he couldn't figure out what it is. "Okay, Okay." He said, smiling at Orin and shaking his head at his friend. He really did have good intentions; he just was oblivious to how Justin felt for him. He was in love with his best friend, you can't just go on dating others when your heart is completely occupied, it just wouldn't be right nor fair to the men he was with. So he had decided to take a break from dating and get his feelings under control. It wasn't working. When they got to the party, Justin realized it was one of Orin's other friends meat market type of shindigs. It wasn't the kind of thing that he generally found enjoyable, but being in Orin's presence was always an exceptional feeling. So, Justin just stayed silent most of the evening, gently and very shyly declined invitations and phone numbers, and he watched his best friend move throughout the crowed as if he knew each and every person present, even though Justin knew for a fact he didn't. It always amazed him that no matter that it took him a bit more effort to keep his grades up, it took him no effort what so ever to know people. And of course as in most things, the exact opposite was true for Justin. "Justin!" Orin's voiced caught Justin's attention and he turned to see him pushing through a couple of people to head towards him and the guy who was trying very hard to tuck his number into Justin's shirt pocket despite constant denials. "Yea, here!" Justin called out, trying to keep the relief out of his voice. Orin would save him from this one, he always did. "Come on to the living room, we're gathering everyone together to play Spin The Bottle." A grin split Orin's face just as Justin felt his stomach flip flop. That was never a game he liked to play, and it was a game he was often dragged into by his dear beloved Orin. Damn his lack of will power! Bah! "Ooh, I hate that game." "Bah, you love it and you know it!" Orin replied. "No, that'd be you who loves it. I dislike it, remember?" Justin couldn't help but laugh at the comical thoughtful expression on Orin's face. "Eh, okay, maybe you're right. But you still have to play, come on." With a sigh, Justin excused himself as politely as he could from the very aggravated man who'd been doing his very best to stake claim to him, and followed after Orin into the living room. The game was already in session with numerous men and women seated in a big circle about a young couple embraced in a passionate heated kiss. Orin drew him into one part of the circle, getting the people to part so they could sit down and wait for the next round. It went on like this, the bottle would spin, Justin would pray that some pretty girl wouldn't pick him, and he'd sigh with relief when each spin seemed to miss him. It was when the bottle landed on Orin and a chorus of cat calls and laughs came up that Justin realized this was even worse then if he'd been picked. Orin getting picked meant he had to watch Orin get into a heated kiss with a pretty young girl with short curly blond hair that was far too scantily clad for Justin's taste. The kiss seemed to go on forever, and Justin's stomach flopped when Orin's hands slid down along the girls back to draw her in more tightly as those present began to ooo and aaah over the kiss, make cat calls, hoot and laugh. When it finally ended, Justin brought his knees to his chest and tried not to look grumpy, but he was having a difficult time of it and Orin noticed, giving him an odd look and arching his eyebrow in silent question before he gave the girl a pat on her rump and sent her back to take his seat next to Justin so that Orin could take his turn spinning the bottle. That was when Justin realized he'd have to watch yet another kiss between his Orin and some as yet unnamed female for a second time in a row, and he heaved a great helpless sigh, wondering if he could get away from the game by pretending he had to go to the bathroom or some such. Unfortunately, he sat thinking about the best method of escape for to long, and just when he'd made up his mind to get up and leave Orin had leaned down with the bottle in hand, and sent it spinning with playful grin around the room as it spun and spun and spun. Justin watched in horror when the bottle began to slow. Everyone in the room grew hushed, quiet, and even Orin appeared afraid to breathe as he watched the bottle finally stop and settle – pointing directly at Justin. You know how sometimes when you play spin the bottle, the bottle sort of sits right between two people? Well, this wasn't the case here. The bottle was pointing directly at Justin, no one else was in the way, and Justin just stared down at it in shock, his mouth gone dry. Slowly, he looked up from the bottle to see Orin staring at him, that little amused smile touching his lips. The room was still silent, everyone knew that Justin was gay, that Justin and Orin were best friends, and not a few of them wondered if they actually had something going on between them. But Orin's flamboyantly straight life style generally set the record straight. "Hey, Orin, you don't have to kiss me, spin for a girl, man." Justin said, trying to laugh it off and pretend that it hadn't hit him. The tune to that blasted song began to spin around in his head, and he gave a little self depreciating grin and a shrug. All I want for Christmas is ... Orin in my bed, Orin in my bed, Orin in my bed. "Kiss him!" some one called out, "You can't dick out cause it's a man, this is the game!" "Yea! Kiss him!" "Don't be a dick, kiss him!" "You spun the bottle, kiss him!" A chorus rose up, everyone yelling out that he should get his kiss because the bottle landed on him. Maybe something had shown on Justin's face, some disappointment, some want or desire, maybe that's why people started calling out for Justin to get his kiss, who knows. Orin just stood in the center of the circle, laughing as if none of this bothered him, as if the idea of kissing Justin wasn't a big deal, it was just a game, right? He spread his arms and grinned at Justin, "The people have spoken!" He called out, his voice bellowing like he was some speaker from ancient Rome and the circle of people were his Coliseum. "Get your ass up here and get your kiss." Orin teased wiggling his eyebrows lasciviously and everyone laughed. Orin always had a knack for making anything a show, making everyone feel comfortable in uncomfortable situations. "Oh come on guys, he's not gay! He doesn't wanna kiss lil' old me!" Justin tried to joke, his stomach tense as a knot, and yet at the same time it was flip flopping all over the place so badly he thought he might be sick. Everyone shouted their denials, and finally a few people forced him up to his feet and began to shove him playfully into the center of the room. "They wanna see their kiss, Just! Let's give em a real show." Orin said playfully, then his voice rose higher, "I better hear cheering people, my masculinity is on the line here!" And everyone began to laugh and cheer. "Fine, fine!" Justin said, trying to sound grumpy, playful, teasing, gods anything but nervous. He didn't want to sound as nervous as he felt. His palms were sweating, his heart was hammering, his eyes were going blurry, butterflies took flight within his whole body not just his stomach, causing his knees to be weak and his arms to feel limp. He was so nervous he thought for certain he'd fall over any moment. But he didn't. "Get it over with so you can get on with being the manly man we all know you are." Justin teased, hoping his voice didn't sound as shaky as it sounded to him. Orin put his arms around Justin, drawing him in close, then moved his hands through all that beautiful thick dark hair. His fingers curled in that hair at the base of Justin's skull, and Orin felt him shiver as he pulled Justin flush against his body. That thing about having his hair touched must be really true. Orin thought to himself, sliding his fingers through the strands, then back up to grip and tug him in for the kiss lightly, and when he did, he felt that shiver course through Justin's tiny body again. "Quit stalling! Kiss him already!" Someone called out, and Orin realized he had been so busy teasing his friend he had forgotten that there was an audience. A chorus of "Yea" came up, and he grinned up at them. "I'm getting to it, I'm getting to it!" He said, sounding mock-defensive, and everyone laughed again. The laughter completely dissipated when he used his grip on Justin's hair to tilt his head back so he could slant his mouth over Justin's in what was immediately a full fledged kiss. There was no soft lead up, there was no brushing of his mouth over Justin's, there was just intensity from the very beginning. Orin realized with surprise that Justin's mouth was soft, his lips tasted good, like something he must have been drinking or eating. He realized that he wasn't repulsed by the sensation of kissing his best friend, in fact it felt really good. A soft whimper escaped Justin's mouth, a sound only loud enough for Orin to have heard, as he finally got over his shock and began to return the kiss. His hands slid along Orin's shoulders and curled at the back of his neck as he was devoured. The firm strokes of Orin's tongue drove Justin to absolute distraction, he felt like he was being plundered. Orin licked and tasted every last inch of his mouth, and when Justin thought it simply couldn't get any better, Orin actually changed his tactic completely and went from deep and almost rough to insanely tender and began to suck on Justin's tongue before finally ending the kiss and drawing back to look into his face. There was a moment of silence while everyone digested what had happened, the intensity of the kiss definitely hadn't been what the audience had been expecting any more then it had been what Justin was expecting, and when cheers and cat calls rose, Justin jerked and looked around, having forgotten the audience all together. Orin let a lazy grin creep across his lips, his beautiful green eyes sparkling with mischief and amusement while Justin's cheeks colored and heat suffused his entire body. He was hard and hot all over, his length pressed tight to the confining material of his jeans in a rather obvious manner and when he glanced down he realized Orin had not been affected in quite the same way he had been. "Gee, Justin," Orin nearly purred, "You seem to have liked that kiss." His gaze dipped downward, and then skittered back up to meet his best friends gaze fully. "You are a good kisser, I have to admit. Did you all like the show?!" He turned away from Justin then and everyone called out that they loved the show. A few of the girls called out that they would give anything to join the two of them even and Orin laughed, finding it all quite fun and amusing. Justin only heard this in passing, however, because the moment Orin had made a comment about his state of arousal, then turned his back, he had fled as fast as he could. Humiliation burned through his blood, searing the inside of his body, and to make matters worse despite that humiliation his cock refused to behave and go back to its normally un-aroused size! A few people clapped him on the back as he left, as if no one saw the pain and shame written all over his face, and he was glad for it because he didn't want to answer any question. He couldn't answer any questions. He just wanted to leave, to get out, to go home and hide under his bed and pretend the entire experience hadn't happened. All I want for Christmas... The blasted song spun through his head and he felt like scratching his eyes out in a vain attempt to make it stop. He got through the front door and the cold hit him like a wall. It stung his eyes, and he realized he was dangerously close to tears. The cold burned in his lungs with each breath he took, and it helped to calm him some, it brought him back to reality. He walked to the sidewalk a little away from the house and he let his head fall back and his eyes close as he drew in great lungfulls of that burning cold, clinging to that bit of pain as his anchor back to himself. All I Want for Christmas Moments passed, and he managed not to cry, he managed to stuff most of his feelings back where the belonged, hidden within him, but he was still so raw. Which is why, when Orin came out, he wasn't prepared to handle it. "Justin? Why'd you run out like that?" Orin came up, his cheeks pink and rosy on his pale complexion in response to the biting chill. "Everyone loved that! I think kissing you is gonna get me a date every day for the next two weeks! Did you know girls liked that kinda thing so much?" He babbled, all excited, completely oblivious to the silence coming from Justin or the expression on his face. "And damn man, you can kiss! I never thought men could kiss like that, but then again I guess I thought I was a good kisser, so why not you, you know? Even so, I have to say I was really... Just? What's wrong, man?" Orin finally paused, a confused expression lighting his handsome features. "You humiliated me in there." Justin said, his voice catching in his throat. "No man, it was just a game, it was a joke, Justin. I'm glad you liked kissing me so much, it just means I'm a good kisser, ya know?" Orin said, clearing his throat and frowning some. "It's no big deal, everyone knows your gay, no one cares that you had that response, Justin. I was just teasing." "I care! I care! You humiliated me, Orin. Humiliated me!" Justin actually screamed, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to spill out unchecked. Justin never got loud unless something was serious. He was such a shy person that he had a tendency to run away rather then to confront, so the fact he was screaming now clued Orin into that this was a big deal. Orin stepped forward and moved to wrap his arm around Justin, trying to comfort his best friend, but Justin shoved at him hard and stepped away. "I don't get it." Orin said, sounding as lost as he looked. "Of course you don't, Orin! Of course not. You just don't get it, you don't get anything. You don't get that I've been in love with you for years, you don't get that you flirt with me constantly. You don't get that you touch my hair when I told you what that does to me. You don't get that you kissed me in front of a room full of fucking people and not only did you not have any god damn reaction to kissing me but you pointed out to everyone that *I* DID! Despite what you think, most men don't get fully hard from a fucking kiss, do YOU get hard every time you kiss a chick you DON'T have feelings for? Did you get hard when you kissed the girl right before me? I DIDN'T THINK SO!" Justin was screaming at the top of his lungs by the end of this speech, and people had begun to file out of the house and onto the lawn to listen to what had some how become a lovers quarrel of sorts. Orin just stood there, shock stilling his tongue. For once, he didn't know what to say or do and that was a completely foreign experience for him. Justin laughed, a self depreciating laugh as he tossed his hands up and gazed heavenward. "Great. Just great." Justin said, then turned to those gathered and watching, "Hope you all enjoyed the fucking show!" he shouted, then turned on his heal and began to stomp off down the street. A couple people yelled out after him, but he just kept walking, ignoring everything around him until finally he turned the corner and lost every bit of strength he'd been holding into his body. He began to cry helplessly, his whole body shaking with the intensity, aching still with the desire that hit him as a result of that kiss, he hurt inside because he was so utterly in love with his best friend, and that love was not returned. Justin made it to a gas station, and from there he called a cab to take him home so he could braid up his hair and curl in between his sheets to hide away from the nights experiences. From the moment his head hit the pillow, Justin was out like a light, emotional weariness taking its toll on his mind and body. He never even checked his message machine. @@@@@@@@@ When Justin had stomped off down the street, Orin had stared on after him in stunned shock. He's in love with me. He's in love with me, holy fuck, Justin's in love with me. Christ, fuck, oh my god, he's in love with me. His mind whirled around and around like a broken record so fast that he was oblivious to the fact that Justin was getting smaller and smaller the further away he got, until he turned the corner and disappeared all together. "You gonna let him run off like that?" the girl he'd kissed playing spin the bottle appeared beside him, one hand patting his shoulder. "You're not going to go after him?" Orin turned to look at her, frowning a little as he tried to recall her name. "What do I say to that, Autumn? He's right, I did humiliate him. I thought it was a joke, I didn't realize how he felt or I wouldn't ever have poked fun in there." He sighed and she nodded her head. "So, how do you feel?" She asked gently, "I hate to say it, but that was one helluva kiss you gave him in there, was all of it acting?" "Of course it was!" Orin said, feeling suddenly quite defensive. "I am not interested in men. Even the ones I really care about." "You mean the ones you love." Autumn said, shrugging her shoulders, "Come on Orin. Anyone could see how you felt about him. Even if it's not sexual, you still love him. At least admit that much." "Yea, I guess you're right, I love him. He's my best friend in the whole world, ya know?" Orin offered hesitantly. "Yea, but maybe you should take a deeper look. Maybe he didn't notice that you were affected by the kiss," she paused and glanced at him sideways, "But I did." Orin felt his cheeks color, felt the warmth of his embarrassment, and she smiled. "I wasn't affected like him, Autumn." He argued, but she only shrugged. "Maybe not quite as intense, but he's already admitted he loves you. You're still fighting the obvious. That'd put a damper on any mans arousal." She said and he bristled. "Look, all I'm saying, is think about it, Orin. You know he's in love with you. You know you love him, now all you have to do is figure out how to handle the fact he's a man and not what you thought you'd end up with in the end, you know? You kissed him like you meant it, Orin. You didn't kiss him like you were putting on a show. You kissed him like he tasted good. Can you honestly tell me he didn't taste good to you tonight?" Orin glanced down at the ground because she was echoing his exact thoughts while he was kissing Justin. He did taste good, sweet and warm like the spiked eggnog he'd been drinking. Orin had wanted to keep kissing him, he hadn't wanted to stop, but he didn't want to admit that to himself let alone anyone else. He sighed, shaking his head a little, "Yea, he did taste good." He mumbled under his breath, and Autumn grinned a little. "Maybe you're cold words were as much about you denying any reaction you might have had as much as putting on your little show." She said, then shrugged again. "Look, like I said, think about what I'm saying and figure out what you're going to do. Maybe give him a day or so, and yourself a day or so, to figure things out. But you hurt him, so when you come back finally no matter what you've decided, you have to understand that and treat him like he's important to you. Get your own feelings under control first so you don't get defensive." Orin nodded his head, feeling a little bereft. Was she telling him the truth? Deep down he knew she was. He loved his friend, but he didn't know how to deal with the fact Justin was a man. If he'd been a woman Orin would have sprung on him years ago, and maybe that was part of the fascination he had with Justin's hair. It was so long and soft, and from behind it made him look like a woman, and if Orin was being honest with himself he'd admit he'd had urges to come up behind Justin a million times, pull him in flush with his chest and pepper his shoulders and the back of his neck with soft kisses and bites. The only thing that had kept him from it all was the fact that Justin was in fact a man. Autumn dug around in her purse and came out with Sharpie marker, then took Orin's hand and smiled as she wrote down her name and phone number on his palm. "Call me, okay? If you need help figuring all of this out, or if you just want to hang out. You two seem like sweet guys, I can always use more friends okay?" she smiled, and Orin realized that she really was very pretty. Not stunning, but cute, adorable in a sort of girl next door kind of way with freckles peppering over both cheeks and over the bridge of her nose. "Thanks, Autumn." He said, smiling before pulling her in close to give her a warm hug. "I will call you, I promise. I don't really feel like going back in to party any more, I think I'm gonna head home. I'll call you." "Alright, well, I'm always available." She said, then smiled as he released her and nodded his head, parting ways. Orin had a whole helluva lot to think about tonight if he wanted to salvage his relationship with Justin. He got into his car and drove on his way home, thinking to himself about the reality of his relationship with Justin, and what he wanted from it. The more he thought about that kiss, the more he wanted to do it again, and that thought frightened him a lot. Was he suddenly gay? Could you be gay when it came to one person? Maybe he was bisexual and just leaned towards women. Could he admit to wanting a male partner? Could he have sex with a man? Sex with a man. Now there was a daunting thought. Could he have sex with Justin if he decided to try and have a relationship with him? The answer was quite simply that he didn't know. He didn't know if he could do it, if he could touch another man in such an intimate way. It was scary, the idea of it, but he had to figure it out before he said anything to Justin. By the time Orin got home he was in a fine fret over the entire thing. Research, that's what he had to do, research! Justin had forced him to use part of his trust fund to buy the best laptop on the market, had made him get internet, and have forced him to learn how to actually use everything so that he could do his research easily through the internet for all of his school work. So when he got home he immediately booted up his laptop, turned on the heat, slipped out of his clothes and climbed into bed to begin surfing the web, to become more informed on what gay sex actually entailed. I mean, how many straight men actually know what gay sex was about? Orin had to admit he really had no idea. There is an awful lot of information regarding gay sex on the internet. Then again, porn is a billion dollar industry. Unfortunately, porn wasn't exactly what Orin wanted. He wanted some sort of how too manual. How to do it right, how to do it best, how to make your lover go crazy. What exactly you had to do to accomplish all of the above. What he came to was that yes, he thought he could actually do what would be needed. He thought. Clearly there was anal sex involved, but he'd had anal sex with females before. In fact he really enjoyed anal sex generally. So topping he thought he had covered. He could top Justin, he really felt like he could. When he closed his eyes and thought about having sex with Brad Pitt, it did nothing for him. When he closed his eyes and thought about having sex with Justin, his cock thumped against his belly and begged for attention. Yea, he could have sex with Justin, maybe not all the men in the world, but definitely Justin. It was bottoming that he really wasn't so sure about. The idea of having something inside of his ass was not an idea he was wholly comfortable with. Hey, it's not that he wouldn't be willing to try it, but he just didn't know if he could force himself to get through the experience. Would it be fair to have a relationship with Justin if he couldn't give all of himself to it? No, he didn't think so. So, Orin read about everything. He read gay erotica, noting how they went through each step of the experience. He read every bit of 'how to' information he could find. He joined gay porn sites and watched how they prepped each other. Lube was apparently a gay mans best friend. He learned about how to reach the prostate with his fingers, and when it was three in the morning and his eyes burned he glanced down at his achingly hard cock and shivered before getting up out of bed and tossing on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, grabbing his keys and his slippers and took off towards the nearest seedy porn shop. It wasn't far from his apartment, only a couple of blocks, and at this time of night he was pretty much the only one in there. He walked through the isle of dildos, his eyes sliding over one after another. Pink, black, green, blue, green, rainbow colored ones. Big ones, little ones, short ones, oddly shaped ones, bent ones. Every single kind of dildo imaginable was present in the shop, at least that's what it seemed like to Orin. After a long while of pondering over what he should choose, he picked out a few different things. One was a average sized realistic looking dildo. Another was a long, oddly bent and very slim thing he thought he might be able to find his own prostate with. He bought a huge thing of lube, since he read a million times you simply could never have enough lubrication, and then he got two more dildos, one a bit bigger then the other. He thought he could work up to taking different sizes this way. Of course, he wasn't thinking about the knowing smile the checkout girl gave him when he bought all of these toys, nor did he really care. He was so tired, and so turned on, and so determined to become informed he barely registered that he was all but admitting "Hey girl! I'm putting all of this shit in my ass!" "Hey, are you new to anal exploration?" She asked from behind the counter when she picked up the lubricant, eying it then him curiously. No malice in her voice or expression. "Yea, kinda." Orin said, clearing his throat and blushing. "Okay, well then this isn't the kind of lube you want." She said, smiling. "But it says right there on the bottle it's anal lube." "Yea, I know, thing is Anal lube generally has an agent that will help to numb you out, but for people who are new to it they should feel everything so they know they aren't hurting themselves. When you get really used to it, you'll know what you can manage and what you can't and then you can use this and it will let you get into everything faster. For now you should go slow." She explained, "Does that make sense?" "Yea, what should I use then?" he asked, hoping he wasn't bright red, which of course he was. "Hold on." She disappeared with his lubricant and came back a moment later with an equally large little tub of it and set it down. "Great, thank you for the information." Orin said, offering her a genuine smile. "No problem." She said as he paid for everything and she slipped it all into a discrete paper bag and handing it over to him so he could return home, which he did in record time. The moment the door slammed shut, he locked it then took off down towards his room, clothing coming off before he even stopped moving, then he slid into bed with his bag of goodies and drew in a deep breath. "Okay, if I'm thinking about wanting to be with him, I have to know I can give him what I need. No chickening out. I will have to have sex with him. I'll have to suck his dick, I will have to be open to trying licking his ass. I have to be open to him being inside of me. These are all real things." He spoke aloud to himself, trying to get his mind to wrap around the concepts of all of this. Thing is, the more time he spent getting educated, the more excited he was beginning to become. He sort of liked the idea of pinning Justin to the wall. He was such a small guy that it was always so easy to pick him up for Orin, and so thinking about that while he unwrapped his toys from their packages helped to bring him back up to full arousal in record time. "Okay, I'm really in love with him." He whispered to himself, "Just thinking about him is making me so hard. Okay, okay." He told himself, his hands shaking as he took the lifelike dildo in his hands and placed it to his lips. His tongue darted out, tasting the rubbery thing, and he thought about how it will taste different. Salty, musky, that's what he read. He laid back and continued to explore the toy with his mouth, sliding it in and out of his mouth, all the way down the back of his throat, gagging, and then back out again. He spent quite a bit of time practicing with this toy, thinking about the sounds Justin would make if he were practicing on him. After a while, after he felt he'd gotten a good handle on how to give head, Orin put that toy aside and moved on to one of the others. The slimmest dildo, he knew he had to start small, was smooth to the touch as he slid it through his hand, against his palm, over his fingertips. He coated his fingers in lubricant, and he shifted his position so he could slather and rub that lubrication over his tight opening. The touch caused him to whimper, sending flutters through his belly, and making him shiver with excitement. It felt good, it actually felt really good. Orin's fingertips pressed against that opening, sliding first one finger into his own body. Because he was doing it himself, he was able to do so with little to no discomfort at all, and to his surprised serious pleasure assailed his form, causing him to gasp and his head to tilt back and eyes closing. "Shhhhhit, oh my god." He gasped out to himself, moving that finger slowly to get himself used to the sensation, and then sliding it out to coat the toy in lubrication and then with shaking hands sliding that into his body very slowly. He had to actually grip his blankets with his free hands to keep himself still so he could slowly grow used to the invasion and the sensation of being so full. It felt incredible, however, so much better then he thought it would feel. Slowly, when he managed to get his breathing back under control, Orin slid his hand around his own member while he used the other to slide the toy in and out, in and out. They moved together, stroking him to intense pleasure, and soon he was writhing on his bed, his hips rocking, his body on fire. Orin imagined the sweet scent of Justin, the slide of his silken hair over his bare chest, he imagined that it was Justin that was sliding in and out of him, it was Justin's hand that stroked him towards the impending release. It was as if the stroking of the toy in and out of him touched something that had a direct line to his cock, it was as if he could feel so much more intense because of the toy, and soon he was gasping and moaning, "Justin... oh fuck, please... this is so good," he whispered aloud, "Justin," he moaned again, louder, feeling his balls tighten up, and finally, when he exploded all over his chest, when his ass clenched around the toy, he arched his back and cried out Justin's name, the fantasies thick and realistic as he saw stars from the intensity of his pleasure. It was incredible, the most amazing thing he'd ever experienced. He'd never cum so hard, and he realized it had to have been because of the anal stimulation. It really was better that way. Orin lay in bed, panting helplessly as he came down from his orgasm, still seeing those sparks in front of his vision as he gazed up at the ceiling. It was as if finally having his release, finally experiencing the newness of what he was going to be getting into. He had cried out Justin's name, he wanted Justin. It took him hurting his best friend for Orin to finally see how heartbreakingly in love with him Orin really was. He sighed, cleaning himself up and going to the bathroom, and then he made up his mind. He'd see Justin tomorrow, with his newfound understanding All I Want for Christmas Tomorrow, he'd give Justin his Christmas Eve present. Tomorrow, Orin would give Justin his love. ** Justin woke up at about noon and had to force himself to get up and take a shower through his depression. The humiliation of the previous night had really hit him full force when he'd first woken up, but once he got into the shower and got clean and warm, he started to feel a little bit better. It was Christmas Eve, he'd be going home for dinner with his family, and he absolutely had to get over this debilitating sadness before he went or his mother would know without a doubt that something was wrong. He'd just finished braiding his hair and getting dressed when there was a knock at the door. Curious, Justin unlocked and opened the door, peeking around it to see Orin standing there with flowers in his hands, looking a little nervous. "Flowers huh?" Justin said, standing aside to hold the door open for his friend. "I wasn't really sure what to get you." Orin said, clearing his throat and coloring with embarrassment. "Is this the wrong thing to get a man?" he asked, frowning down at the red roses. Justin reached forward, taking the flowers and shook his head. "I like getting flowers, the roses are nice, thanks." He said, sighing softly as he turned to the kitchen, transferring the beautiful sweet smelling roses to a vase. He used that time to gather his thoughts, ponder why Orin was bringing him flowers, and then his time was up and he had to turn and face him. "So, why did you bring me flowers?" Orin began to wring his hands nervously in front of him, seeing how sad, how hurt and dejected Justin looked. It was a horrible thing to realize he'd hurt the person he loved so badly, and all he wanted to do was wrap his arms around him and hug him, make him feel better. It was an interesting feeling, being the one who created the pain. Orin had spent so much time protecting him from being teased, had comforted him when he'd had his heart broken and it was hard that this time he couldn't comfort him because he was the one to cause this hurt. "Well, because, I didn't know what else to bring." Orin began nervously, "Look, I have a few things to talk to you about. Justin, I am really sorry I hurt you last night. I didn't mean to, I thought I was playing, and if I'd been thinking right I'd understood that I was really pushing all boundaries. I had my hands in your hair, even though you told me how that made you feel, and I always have my hands in your hair. I don't know why I disregard your feelings, I guess I just sort of thought I was special, that because we were such close friends I could do things that no one else could." Orin took a deep steadying breath, raising his eyes to meet Justin's dark gaze. His face was so delicate, he was actually beautiful, for lack of a better explanation, it was a masculine beauty but it was beauty none the less. "Okay, go on." Justin said, and then he swallowed when Orin stepped up closer, basically pinning him to the counter without touching him yet. "Do you have to be so close?" He asked, but Orin didn't move back. "Yes," he whispered, "Just listen to what I have to say, and if you still want me to back up when I'm done, I will, okay?" "Okay." "When you left, Autumn came up to me and she said a few things. I was so stunned, but the thing that shocked me the most was hearing that you were in love with me. I just kept playing your words over and over my mind. That you were in love with me, and the idea didn't upset me, or disgust me like I thought it would." Orin took another deep breath and Justin noticed his blush deepening and it made him curious. What could make his shameless best friend blush? "She said a few things that really hit me, she asked me why I would kiss you like I did if it was just putting on a show. She said that even if it was just a show, I didn't have to go that far. And she was right, but there was something she said that hit me the hardest. She asked me if you tasted good." Justin bit his lip and glanced down shyly, not sure he wanted to hear the answer to this question. "What was so funny was that when we were kissing that's all I could think. You tasted good. Like eggnog. I wanted to eat you up." Justin's head snapped up at that admittance, and a frown touched his face. "Are you fucking with me?" he asked sharply, anger only partially hiding the hope in his voice. "No, I'm really not. I promise you I'm telling you the truth." He whispered, "You tasted really good, Justin. I couldn't believe how nice it was to kiss you. I always thought kissing a man would be rough and somehow it wouldn't be as ... tender as kissing a woman, and I realized last night that wasn't really true. So Autumn really made me think of a few things, and I realized that maybe... that maybe I was in love with you too." "Orin, please don't say this if you don't mean it." Justin said, closing his eyes, his voice trembling, his heart hammering in his chest. He felt Orin take his braid in his hand, pull it over his shoulder. He felt rather then saw him take out the tie, and slide his fingers through those soft locks, freeing them in the way Orin loved to do so much. "I mean it." He whispered, and Justin felt that he was closer, that he'd stepped in, he was inches from touching him, he could feel Orin's warmth and wished he'd close the remaining distance and touch him. "I'm not gay, I know I'm not gay. But now I know I'm not straight. I went home, and I realized how many times I touched you, how many times I found you arousing and attractive and how I never admitted it or did anything about it. I went home and I got online, and I researched like you taught me to do." Orin smiled, and Justin opened his eyes to see that soft tender smile. "I figured, if I was in love with you, I owed you not to get into a relationship with you if I wasn't able to follow through on all of it. I owed that honesty to you. So I went online and I found out what... what gay sex would entail." He blushed again, and this time it was Orin who looked away shyly. "And?" Justin whispered, "Do you think you could do it? Think you're gay enough to enjoy fucking a man?" He was so defensive, and it was clear to Orin that Justin wasn't believing that this was real yet. "And I know I can have anal sex if I'm giving, I've done that enough and I like it. I know I could do that, and to be honest with you the idea of that with you drives me out of my mind." He chose that moment to close the gap between them, pressing his much larger body to Justin's, his hands sliding along his sides. The difference in height put Orin's groin just at Justin's belly, and against his belly Justin felt the very stiff, firm length of Orin's arousal. It caused him to gasp, to let the breath out in a soft whimpering sigh. "Orin, oh god..." Justin whispered, his hands sliding about his lovers body, pulling him closer. "That's not all I did last night, though." Orin whispered, his hands moving up to slide and work through all that thick hair, then tugged it gently to tilt Justin's head back so he could look into his eyes. The touch to his hair made Justin squirm a bit in his arms, and it felt so incredible to have him warm and shivering pressed close. "When I was done with my research, reading about how to make love, how to give head, how to receive and give in so many ways, I decided to go buy a few toys, so I got in my car and drove. I thought it wouldn't be fair to you to be willing to give, but not to accept sex. I had to know I could enjoy it all." With each word, Orin's voice dropped, and he drew closer and closer to Justin's mouth. "You did?" Justin asked softly, and Orin nodded, his eyes growing hooded with his obvious arousal. "I tried the toys out, and I had the most incredible experience, it felt so good, and I know that I could make love to you Justin. I may not like most men, but I'm in love with you. I want you, not just as a lover, I want to date you. Years of loving you, years of lying to myself about how I felt. Years of you lying to me about how you felt. Give me a chance, Justin. Give me a chance to show you that I mean what I say. I love you, I can deal with the fact you're a man. I did my research, I'm not afraid of sex with you, I want to be with you, I want you. But right now, the thing I want more then anything else, is to see if you taste as sweet tonight as you did last night. Can I kiss you?" The words came out sounding more like helpless pleading then the strong request Orin had been going for, but it didn't matter, because he was begging. He needed to kiss the man in his arms more then anything in this world in that moment. "Please," Justin could barely breathe when he felt the firm lips against his own, and while the first kiss had started out at a gallop this kiss was slow and tender from beginning to end. Orin coaxed a response from him, gentle and loving. He licked at his lips, begging entrance, and then he spent a ridiculous amount of time lapping at the inside of Justin's mouth, stroking his tongue, his teeth, the roof of his mouth. Soft whimpers escaped from both men as they held each other. There was a frantic moment, a moment when Orin couldn't wait, a moment when the fear of getting what he wanted, or not getting what he wanted made him lift Justin up, suddenly trying to get back to the bedroom without breaking the kiss. He tripped, nearly fell, laughed a little, and then finally managed to get the two of them to the bedroom. He moaned helplessly as he was forced to break the kiss to lay him out on the bed. Orin didn't say a word, just stood at the edge of the bed and slid out of his shirt, then began to unbutton his pants, hesitating just a little with a blush. Justin sat up, sliding himself to the edge of the bed. Gazing up at Orin's face, Justin gently slid his hands up to brush Orin's away from his pants, carefully working the buttons open and unzipping them. It was terribly slow, and with each passing moment, Orin's breathing became quicker and quicker. Peeling the denim of those pants down, Justin finally freed the straining length beneath, letting it spring free thick and hard and glistening, beautiful. The breath caught in Justin's throat, his eyes hooding with need, desperate need, and he licked his lips as his eyes caressed every last inch of it before sliding back up to Orin's face. Leaning forward Justin licked slowly over the leaking head of that straining member and Orin tossed his head, giving a low groan of want. His hands, which had been limp at his sides up until this point moved up to curl into that long hair of Justin's, pulling him forward, urging him on. And go on Justin certainly did. The touch of fingers in his hair sent him whimpering as he began to expertly slide Orin down his throat, working him like a man who knew what he wanted, knew what he liked and was willing to do about anything to get it. It shocked Orin to be honest. He'd always known Justin to be shy, nervous, and quiet. The fact that he was so out going in bed was different, new, and he liked it. The way his tongue worked the underside of his shaft sent shivers running down his spine. The way his hands slid to grip his rear, the way his fingernails bit into Orin's flesh. Everything was intense and amazing. Justin really knew what he was doing and didn't hesitate to show Orin. In all honesty, it was the best experience of oral sex he'd ever had, and that was saying a whole lot. It took no time at all to have Orin squirming and writhing, his knees beginning to go out from under him, his head shaking franticly. "Oh god, god, no Justin, don't make me cum, no." he moaned, fingers giving little yanks on Justin's hair, and finally having to pull the other man off of him physically when he refused to stop. Justin grinned up at him, his shy little best friend turning sensual and sexy, his long hair covering him like a beautiful silken cloak. Without a word, he pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside, baring his slim smooth body, his chest with its delicate muscle definition. Orin thought he was so incredibly sexy. "You're not so shy in bed," He teased Justin, who blushed deeply and glanced down into his lap as Orin crawled onto the bed, completely naked now while Justin still wore only a pair of pains. "I like it." He said softly, his shaking hands coming to work Justin's pants open and draw them down his legs. This is where Orin got another shock. Orin himself wasn't a huge man when it came to the size of his cock, a touch larger then average, but nothing to be frightened about in all honesty. Justin, however, was completely out of proportion with the rest of his body. That tiny body, slim form, and he had the largest cock Orin had ever seen up close, and it was so hard that it looked even bigger. It was daunting, Orin had practiced taking an average sized cock into his mouth with his dildo at home, thinking that Justin wouldn't be any bigger then that. "You're staring." Justin whispered, and Orin's eyes jerked up to his lovers face, his cheeks coloring with embarrassment. Justin just smiled shyly. "You're so big." Orin couldn't think of anything else to say, and when Justin reached out to take his hand, he just watched as his lover curled his Orin's fingers about his large shaft, whimpering quietly under his breath. "You don't need to take me if you don't want to. I can be a bottom, I love you so much, I'll take you any way I can get you." Justin's words slid over Orin like a warm comforting blanket, and with that comfort came a bit more self assurance and he began to stroke that beautiful length gently, watching Justin's face with each movement he made. "I want to take you, I just want to take my time with it is all." Orin murmured, lying out beside Justin so he could pull him in close to his broad chest while he fondled and explored his length. He was really just so beautiful; Orin just couldn't get enough of him. "I really want to taste you, but I've only practiced on a toy and I don't want to embarrass myself." He whispered as Justin's hips ground upwards into his palm, a shiver coursing through his body. "You won't hurt me, just taste me. I love you, you don't have to be perfect." Justin's words came out breathless between gasps of pleasure. Even with the words of encouragement, however, Orin was afraid that he'd do something wrong and wouldn't be able to truly pleasure Justin. Biting his lower lip, Orin continue to stroke his lover, his fingers brushing along the underside of the flared head, thumb caressing slowly over the tip of him, catching the precum gathered there and using it as he continued to explore every last inch of that monster-cock. "You really want me too?" Orin finally whispered, looking as nervous as he felt. "Take your time, Orin. If you're not ready, then... then no, I don't want you too." Justin whispered, his eyes serious, his heart pounding in his chest and his breath catching with each slow stroke that Orin slid along his length. It felt so good, even such a simple touch, it felt so good he though he'd suddenly loose the ability to breathe. "Only wh-what you're ready for." Justin whispered again, one hand coming down to curl his fingers around Orin's wrist, not stopping him, but needing to hold onto him in some way because it just felt so insanely good. It was so adorable, the way that Justin held onto his wrist, that Orin couldn't keep the smile from his lips as he gazed into the other mans face. His eyes had fallen closed, and each stroke brought with it a low moan and a sharp breath, his fingers biting into the flesh of Orin's wrist making it clear how very good it all felt. After a few more strokes, Orin released Justin, whose eyes snapped open, silently begging him not to stop. Orin just grinned at him, leaning in to brush a kiss over his lips before pressing him back against the bed and shifting so that he could more easily lean down, lightly nuzzling on cheek against that hard shaft. Justin went stock still, not wanting to frighten his love into stopping what it was he was about to try. He just stayed as absolutely still and silent as he could, and when he felt warm lips brushing along the ridge of his cock, he stifled his moan of excitement. When he felt the heated warmth of a soft tongue darting out to taste the bead of precum nestled against the flared head of his length, Justin actually had to bite on the heal of his hand to keep silent. Something about a first time is always so incredible. It doesn't have to be perfect, or even good really – it just needs to be real. Honest curiosity, sweet innocent exploration, and it always feels good. You can always teach your partner how to touch you the way you like, you can always practice and get better. But you will never be able to duplicate that first time experience, wholly innocent, wholly precious and wholly intent on learning. That was part of what was so exciting in this particular moment, the simple fact that Orin wanted so badly to please him, to give him what he needed, and yet this was an area he had no experience in what so ever. The simple fact Orin'd gone and actually researched it was enough to make Justin's heart do little flip flops within his chest, but that now he was trying so hard to put his research into effect – well, it just warmed him to the very core, it made him hard and hot and needy, it made him ache inside out. Orin's mouth slid around the head of Justin's cock, barely able to fit for the intense size of the other man. He still couldn't get over how such a small human being could have such a massive cock. Sort of like a Chihuahua – absolutely disproportionate from their small bodies, those dogs had the hugest penis' of the dog-world. Justin was like the Chihuahua of the people-world. Absolutely disproportionate, and yet it was the most incredibly beautiful cock Orin had ever seen. Granted, he didn't tend to look at other mens cocks, and Justin's was the only one he'd had interest in, but to his way of thinking – No one could compare to the absolute beauty of Justin's length. Even his own paled in comparison, and he'd always been rather vain about his own equipment in the past. Realizing he was distracting himself with meaningless thoughts, Orin glanced up at Justin, who watched him with glassy eyes, and blushed hotly. He swirled his tongue around the wide head within his mouth, the taste coating his tongue, a taste he never thought he'd enjoy, and yet with Justin it was one of the most erotic things in the entire world. Salty and intense, clinging to his tongue. He suckled softly, trying to remember how he personally enjoyed oral sex, but the truth was that Justin was just too big. He could barely fit the other man into his mouth let alone bob up and down on him. Slowly, inch by inch, he took as much of Justin's cock into his mouth as he could, and each movement sent the man beneath him into fits of pleasure. At first Justin was able to stay still, to stay quiet, letting Orin take his time to explore, not wanting to frighten him off by moving to quickly or begging for to much. But as time wore on, and as Orin took more of him into his mouth, Justin's sounds began to echo throughout the room. First soft moans, gasps and whimpers, then slowly growing louder. He tried to keep his hips still, but after a little while they started to rock, unable to remain still any longer. "Oh gods, Orin..." he whimpered out, the fingers of one hand curling into his hair and holding his head in place, not wanting to force him, but not wanting to let him stop either. It felt good, and truth be told not many men were able to take him into their mouths, so this was an experience he had rarely, if ever, with most lovers. Orin redoubled his efforts, the sounds music to his ears, spurning him on and letting him know what he was doing WAS pleasing Justin. He was doing a god job, and that helped to abolish some of the nerve and anxiety that were still lingering inside of him. He drew in a slow and deep breath, then attempted to take in yet another inch, but his jaw popped and he realized that he was absolutely at his limit. Justin made a sound of frustration, wishing, and not for the first time, that he was quite a bit smaller then he really was so he could experience the full pleasures of this type of fore-play. This being generally where the man would stop and try to go onto something else. All I Want for Christmas Orin had something else in mind. He did begin to draw back up again, though when just the head was in his mouth once more, he suckled softly, flicked his tongue in quick succession against that flared head, then began to take him in again, this time knowing a little better what he was doing, going a little quicker. He began a slow rhythm, in and out, taking as much as he could then slowly drawing him out of his mouth again and again. Each pass sent Justin into fits of pleasure, causing his back to arch and his hips to buck just slightly, but enough that Orin's large hands came up and held them still so he wouldn't end up choked. The more Justin responded, the more Orin felt a growing sense of not only arousal, but an intense masculine pride that he was doing what his lover wanted, he was doing well, no matter how inexperienced he was. He continued for a little while, doing his best, working out his rhythm, practicing and growing used to this new experience. And when he finally began to pull up for the last time, his eyes lingering on Justin's face, glassy and hazy, his body twitching, his fingers gripping and convulsing in Orin's hair, he gave the most incredibly sexy smile down at his best friend that Orin had ever seen. "You taste good." He finally panted out, heart thumping hard in his chest. "I want you, I want to make love to you, I want to teach you everything about sex with men, I want to curl myself around you and feel you deep inside of me, I want to hear your scream and I want to kiss you as you cum so I can drink in every last noise you make." Justin gasped, his voice rough, harsh and needy with the excitement. "I can't believe this is real, I still can't believe that you want me, you want to be with me, I can't believe that you want to DATE me, not just fuck me. You ... I've loved you so long, so long thinking I'd never have this, never be able to touch you like this, never be able to kiss you and hold you or fall asleep in your arms, and now I don't think I could possibly get enough of you. Now I don't think there is enough of you to fill me up." Orin listened to the torrential downpour of words that flowed from his best friends mouth, he noticed the prickling of tears in the corner of his eyes, those lovely eyes of his, he noticed the look of longing so intense, it brought pain to his chest for the intensity of what his dearest and most beloved friend had gone through all these years. Sliding up his body, Orin hovered over Justin and leaned down slowly to place gentle tender and loving kisses all over his face. His chin, lips, cheeks, nose, eyes, temples, forehead. Every inch of his face covered in tender kisses meant to tell him, no, not tell him but show him, that he wasn't alone in his feelings any more. "I'm so in love with you, I couldn't imagine living my life without you in it, Justin. I truly, honestly, whole heartedly need you. I want to make love to you, I want you to teach me, I have been with so many women, but I don't think I have honestly loved any of them. I never have felt like this before, not once, not ever." He whispered gently, his eyes shinning with that intensity that comes from truly expressing your love for the first time, something that can't be faked, its too precious, too special and to utterly rare. Justin was near tears, his hands sliding down Orin's back in slow caresses, gentle strokes and needy touches. He drew him down more fully, kissing him heated and intense, letting that kiss draw out for as long as humanly possible before drawing back for breath. "Make love to me." H whispered, words a bare breath. Orin was hard as a rock, the mere idea of sex with Justin was enough to make him absolutely explode, but he didn't really know what he was doing. Yea, he had an idea, but he hadn't done it before, and that made him nervous that he would screw the whole thing up. "Show me what to do, and I'll do it." Orin whispered, licking at Justin's lips playfully, causing him to squirm beneath the larger weight of Orin's body. It felt so good to be pinned to the bed like this, and after a moment of thought, Justin wrapped his legs around Orin's narrow waist and shimmered down just enough so that he could feel the hard leaking head of his lovers shaft brushing against his ass. "Should I use my fingers on you first?" Orin asked, trembling nervously. He was really doing it, he was really taking the plunge, the fist step, he was really going to make love to his best friend and what's more important is that he really honestly WANTED to make love to his best friend. Justin nodded his head, reaching towards the bedside table and grabbing his personal bottle of lube before handing it to Orin. "I can't believe this is real." He said again, awe still touching his voice and eyes. It was so much to take in, this dream, he somehow thought that if he got pinched hard enough, everything would disappear in a flash and he'd wake up all alone in his room without the sweetness of Orin's touch and the preciousness of this new budding love, finally shared between the two of them. Orin took the lube and shifted away from Justin, sitting back on his haunches so he could get a good look down at his mate. Justin was so stunning and sexy laying there, his breath caught. He knew he was supposed to be getting him ready, but the truth was, he was stunned still by the sight before him. It was simply too sexy, and it stole his breath away. Justin lay upon the bed, his long silky hair spread out around him, and trailing down his chest and belly. His legs were bent up, showing off the heaviness of his balls, and beneath that, the darker spot where his attention should currently be riveted too. That thick length rested against his stomach, so hard and large one could nearly see it throbbing with the naked eye, and what made it all that much more incredible, was the look in his eyes. He watched Orin watch him, and he knew that the sight did something to Orin deep inside. He could tell that seeing him this way sent sparks of desire, and maybe even possessiveness through Orin. Justin's lips pulled into a slow, seductive smile as his own hand began to slowly slide down his chest, stopping to play at his nipples, pinching and tugging lightly. Orin heard a soft sound, desire deep in the back of some ones throat – and a moment later he realized it'd been HIS sound. Justin's smile turned into a seductive grin, and then his hands abandoned those sensitive little nipples so he could caress his way down along his stomach. Fingernails rake down from chest to belly, leaving red marks and causing him to gasp and even arch up a little at the pleasure of it – turned on insanely by the touch of his own hands, and the fact that Orin sat above him, watching him with hunger so strong, he was sure he'd pounce any moment. The look in Orin's eyes alone had abolished any lingering fear within Justin that he didn't really want this. That look is absolutely impossible to fake. Orin watched as his loves fingers curled around the length of his own cock, slowly stroking, caressing. He brushed fingertips against that flared head, then slid his grip down to the very base, holding himself tightly as his body ached for intense release. Orin simply couldn't pull his eyes away, he couldn't break the trance that seemed to have taken hold of him, demanding he watch the play unfolding before his eyes as the other, normally shy young man, continued to tease and touch himself. Never had Orin seen anything so erotic, maybe it was the simple fact that he was absolutely in love with Justin, maybe it was the fact that watching another masturbate is wholly intimate, something special and generally not shared with just anyone. He didn't know, and he didn't honestly care. It was too incredible to stop watching. "Touch me." Justin murmured, his voice breathy, ethereal, barely audible in the stillness of the moment. Orin blinked, then blushed to be caught staring as he was, but Justin only seemed to enjoy the look on his face, the fact he'd so entranced him with his own actions. "Touch me, Orin." He said again, "Make me ready." Justin let out a low moan, a shiver traveling along the slender form from toes to head, then back down again. He felt goosebumps exploding along every inch of his flesh. There was a tender sensation unfurling in the pit of his stomach, as he lay there, stroking himself, listening to his own breathing become labored. Orin swallowed hard, nodding his head as he took the lubricant in hand and coated his fingers as he'd done the night previous while he'd been practicing on himself. His hands shook, he felt anxious, nervous, and so incredibly turned on he was afraid he wouldn't be able to go as slow as he may need to go. He couldn't worry about that now, however, all he could think about was the fact that the human being lying beneath him was the most beautiful entity on the face of this earth, and he needed him, he needed him more then he'd ever needed anything in his life. Orin's fingers fumbled with the lubricant, dropping it to the bed sheets, forgotten the moment it left his frame of reference, and as Justin continued to stroke and fondle at his own cock, Orin's fingers slid down to find that dark tight opening off Justin's ass. Hips raised up slightly as Orin searched out that entrance, and upon finding it, a soft mewling moan escaped the confines of Justin's throat, causing Orin to once more look up from what he was doing, this time eyes locking onto his lovers face, watching as his head tilted back, the long column of his throat exposed and vulnerable as he slowly stroked his fingers over that tight opening. He couldn't force himself to enter Justin, it wasn't that he didn't want to, it was that he was afraid he'd screw up, that he'd do something wrong, that he'd mess up this incredible moment. And after a moment, Justin opened his eyes and gazed back down at him. "You don't have to, not if you don't want too." He said softly, and Orin shook his head. "I want to, I just don't want to hurt you. I ... I'm afraid I'll mess it up." "You can't. I'm not as tight as you are. I've my own toys, and... well, I don't let myself get that tight anymore." He whispered, taking his free hand and reaching down to help Orin along. He gripped his fingers, slowly pushing the first into his body with another heart wrenching sound of pleasure. "See?" he gasped out helplessly, beginning a fine trembling shiver all over as Orin watched on, delighted and awed and wholly excited. "It feels good?" Orin whispered, and Justin nodded, once more beginning to stroke his length, eyes falling closed. Spurned on, Orin felt that he could do what he had to now, and hesitantly, his finger began to slide in and out of that warm and tight place, as deep as possible before slowly withdrawing again. Licking his lips, he thought back to everything he'd read, wanting to try and find the prostate, and as he continued to stroke in and out, he searched for that magic button. He didn't find it, at least not yet, so instead he began to add a second finger, and as he did, Justin writhed on the bed, squirming and unable to hold still, his breathing coming quicker now. "Please, oh gods... Orin. I love you, and I want you to touch and explore me as much as you need to, as much as you want to. But I think if you keep teasing me like this I'm going to go absolutely bugnuts insane and pin you down to the bed and take you myself." Justin finally babbled out, unable to contain himself anymore. He was gripping the head of his cock with such force it was beginning to turn a deep magenta purple, and his chest rose and fell in quick uncontrollable passes. Orin's cheeks flamed, and for a moment he felt insecure, then Justin leaned up, gripping his face between his hands, and kissed him for everything he was worth, instilling all the desire, need, all the want, all the love and tenderness and lust into this one bundle of kisses, tasting, devouring, no, no, eating Orin up from the mouth down. It was like a mini cyclone, so intense and furious a pace it was hard to keep up with it, and after a moment of trying Orin simply gave up and let himself be taken for a journey with his loves insane kisses. When it was over, Orin couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, and he couldn't remember what they'd been doing. Justin pushed him back onto the bed, taking his cock in hand and leaning down to wrap his mouth around him, suckling him, teasing him, drawing him in and out in quick unashamed passes that had Orin arching his back and burying his fingers into the wealth of dark hair that Justin possessed. "Jesus GOD." Orin cried, shocked at the sudden intensity – just pleasure, no build-up. Justin had a way of skipping the foreplay and getting right to the good stuff, yet, without making you feel as though you actually missed any of the foreplay! It took only minutes for Orin to feel himself beginning to crest, and soon his yanking tugs on Justin's hair became frantic with need, trying to stop him before he lost all control, yet he was unable to make his mouth work enough to get the words out for Justin to stop. It didn't matter, it seemed his lover, his new mate, his new heart was quite well aware when he was reaching the point of no return, and pulled himself up just in time, tossing his hair over one shoulder as he gazed lustily into Orin's face. "Years of wanting you, all piled up, I just can't wait." He panted softly, and Orin reached for him, drawing him into his lap and wrapping his arms around him. Justin felt as though he'd cry, all his whirlwind movements and actions geared towards keeping those emotions at bay, suddenly all seemed meaningless, pointless as he rested held in Orin's arms. "I have you, Justin. I have you." Orin whispered, brushing kisses over his mouth, caressing his fingers through all that soft hair as Justin clung to him as though he might disappear at any moment. "Condom." Justin finally murmured, nuzzling his lips in against Orin's neck to inhale the sweet masculine scent of him for a moment. "We need a condom. Bedside drawer." He murmured, voice muffled by the press of his face into Orin's neck while Orin retrieved the condom, then gently shifted Justin back far enough so he could roll the thing down his length. Justin never let go of him, just held onto him, arms about his neck, upper body pressed to the warmth of Orin's large frame. "Baby, you okay?" he asked Justin after a moment, his hands stroking down his back when he didn't make any move to let go of him. Justin just nodded gently, and Orin heard the tell-tale sound of a sniffle. "You sure?" Orin asked, and again, Justin nodded his head. "Yea, I'm good. Just... still in shock." He whispered, then finally began to draw away from Orin's neck so he could look into his face, fingertips brushing along the sculpted cheekbones. "Scoot back a little, so your back is against the pillows." He whispered, and Orin obliged him willingly enough. Justin reached back and grabbed the lube which had been left haphazardly on the bed sheets, opening it and coating the length of Orin's cock with the slippery stuff, causing the other man to whimper and rock his hips upward, grinding his length into Justin's palm. That done, Justin braced his forearms on Orin's shoulders, shifting himself onto his knees so he could control his downward thrusts as he looked into Orin's eyes. "Position yourself against me." He whispered, voice trembling, barely above a whisper. Somehow, all of the frantic need had suddenly drained out of Justin, leaving only the tenderness of the moment, the preciousness of his love shinning there in his lovely honey-colored eyes. When Orin positioned himself properly against the tight slickness of Justin's ass, he felt the smaller man slowly begin to press down. Their breath caught in unison, the pleasure so incredible, being filled up and being clenched tight in the hot silken depths of a man he'd never known he'd loved. Justin's fingers clenched at the back of Orin's neck, fingernails raking as he slowly sank down on that thick, hard and imposing shaft. He hissed, his eyes closing and his head falling back as the intensity overwhelmed him, and soon he felt as if he had lost his body, or maybe he just couldn't tell where his body ended and Orin's began. When Orin felt Justin sink fully and completely onto the thick throbbing length of him, he instinctively gripped his hips, holding him in place, his own fingernails biting into tender flesh, and only making Justin seem to react more. He'd thought at one point that this would be a frenzied love making, quick, hard and to the point, but when it'd come right down too it, Justin had needed it slow as badly as Orin had, though for a different reason. As Orin watched his lover, he saw all the pent up emotion etched into his face. The long years of frustration, knowing he could never have the one he loved. That knowledge hit Orin to the very core, it made his throat tight, his chest constricted and he felt as though he could barely breathe for the passion of it all. "Justin," Orin whispered softly as his head tilted back, baring that throat to him once again. "Baby, look at me." Orin murmured, one hand coming up to the back of his head to tilt it down so he could see the gassy honey orbs gazing almost sightlessly at him. "I love you." Orin whispered, leaning in to let his nose nuzzle gently along the side of Justin's. "I'm never leaving you." He whispered, and Justin's chest convulsed on what must have been a sob held in check. "I'm so sorry I've been so blind." He continued, his hands stroking down his back as Justin's hips rocked, causing a delicious friction that traveled the length of his spine and made him want to scream for how incredible it felt. Justin just looked at him, his eyes slick and shinny with unshed tears, his chest continuing to do that convulsing thing as he held in his emotions, wouldn't let himself shed the tears, wouldn't show that weakness. Why, why wouldn't he share that weakness with the man who was promising to stay with him, to love him and cherish him? Simple, he just didn't believe it yet. Orin could see it, he could see it in his eyes, a haunted expression that hid behind all the intense lust and passion and love and need, and had he not been looking for it, he'd have missed it all together. "Justin." He whispered to him, one hand sliding back down to his hip, helping to set the slow rhythm that was so explosive and so gentle at the same time. Justin tried to look away, but his other hand caught his face, his cheek, forcing him to continue looking at him. "I love you." He said, his voice barely audible, his breath soft and helpless, as if he was nothing more then a seed, carried upon the wind to some unknown location, to be deposited and planted within rich and fertile soil, but with utterly no control as to where he'd be landing. Each word seemed to remove a brick from the near-impenetrable wall that surrounded Justin's heart, and again, he tried to look away, trying to gather that wall around him as a fortress against heart ache and heart break. If he could believe, just believe, that this wasn't real then when it all fell apart it wouldn't hurt so much. But it was real, and Orin wasn't willing to watch him block him out from their first time together. He wasn't willing to see that wall erected around Justin keep them ever separated no matter how close physically they got. "Do you hear me? I love you, baby." Justin's lungs burned with the force of trying to keep his tears in check, his heart ached, his mind screamed denial at the words his lover spoke to him, such soft words, so tender, so incredible and so insightful, something he'd never really thought Orin was, and yet here he was, eyes of a hawk seeing directly into his very soul it seemed. "I'm not going anywhere." Orin said, hips bucking up in a slow grind that made Justin's head spin and his lungs contract for a sudden fitful gasp of air. "I love you." All I Want for Christmas And that was it, Justin couldn't take both the sensual assault on his senses paired with the tender continued assault to his ears. The fact that Orin wouldn't let him look away made it impossible to hide the tears, and soon, despite himself, he felt the first trickle of traitorous tears sliding unheeded down his cheeks. "No." Justin whispered, moaning low, closing his eyes as he shook his head to deny what Orin said. "Yes, baby." He whispered, leaning in to brush that tear away with kisses, his tongue flicking out to taste the saltiness staining his cheeks. "I'm not leaving you. I love you." He whispered to him. "I'm telling my friends about us, I'm canceling all my dates." He continued. Justin cried, shaking his head again, "No." he pleaded with Orin to stop, but he refused. "I'm telling my family, even my father." He whispered, catching each tear on his tongue as it began to slide down Justin's cheeks. "No!" Justin begged, a sob catching in his throat, but even as he said the word, his hands curled in Orin's hair, drawing himself closer to the larger man. "I'm going to Christmas dinner at your parent's house, like I do every year, but this time I'm going as your date." Orin murmured, and Justin shook with the force of his tears, his walls crumbling around him like so much rubble, utterly useless in defending his heart. "No..." And this time the word came out soft, weak and helpless as his heart contracted with the sudden pain of being exposed, without protection, the protection he'd grown so used to. "I'm moving in with you, and we can even get a dog together." Orin continued, painting the picture Justin was so afraid of – or rather, what he was so afraid of NOT having. Orin's hands came up to cup his face, tilting it up so as they moved together in slow and sensual rhythm, he could brush soft and tender kisses to his mouth, he could catch each tear that fell and brush it away with his absolute attention. "Look at me." He whispered again, and Justin swallowed hard, feeling afraid, afraid to open his eyes and see that everything was just some big cosmic joke, that it wasn't real. "No." he whimpered softly, his body trembling, goosebumps tickling along every inch of his exposed fleshed. "Look at me, Justin. See that I'm telling you the truth." Orin demanded, soft, gentle, yet it was still a command, intense and strong, brooking no argument. "No..." Justin mewed out softly, almost cringing as he said it, feeling childish, clinging to the last bit of his wall like a safety blanket – yet that safety blanket wasn't keeping him safe any longer, it was keeping him from really seeing what was in front of his eyes, and when a safety blanket no longer does the job it was intended for, it's time to let it go. "How can we make love, if you don't believe that I love you?" Orin asked softly, cradling his face in his large hands as though he were something indefinably precious, tender. These last words finally broke through the last of Justin's defenses, because he didn't want his fear to push Orin away, he truly didn't. Slowly, oh so slowly, Justin began to open his eyes, and what he saw there warmed him to the very core. Orin was looking at him like a man starved, a man who'd been so hungry, he'd actually forgotten what it was to eat, and until offered a banquette didn't know what he was missing. He looked at him as though the world could crash and burn around them, and so long as they held one another, he couldn't care less. He looked at him like he loved him. Really, truly, honestly loved him. Justin's heart ached. "Say it again." He whispered, and Orin smiled. "I love you." Justin whimpered, a soft sound escaping his lips as he ground his hips down on the hard cock impaling him quickening the pace just a little. "Say it again." Justin moaned, biting his lower lip as his fingernails bit into the back of Orin's neck and the tears began to subside slowly as his body rocked and moved in time with Orin's upward thrusts. "I love you." Orin's words were breathy, caught on a moan and barely whispered out. He was loosing the ability to speak. Justin arched his back, and then slid up before letting the weight of his body impale him once more. "Again." Justin pleaded, leaning in to rest his cheek against Orin's as his body moved, their mutual rhythm growing quicker and more intense, mind-numbingly pleasurable. "I love... oh gods, baby, I love you." Orin said, his hands gripping at Justin's hips, beginning to take over, pulling Justin down each time he thrust upwards. The moment those last words left his mouth, Justin turned his head to capture his lips, kissing him lovingly, longing and want, need and love all intermixed together into a mishmash of incredible emotion. That was really what Justin needed, for Orin to stay with it until he believed it. For him not to let go and pretend it would get better, but to hold him through the feelings and stay with him even through that fear, to show him he wasn't going anywhere. And with that came an open floodgate of emotion that spilled out further into their lovemaking. Justin writhed and moved, his body an incredible and intense thing, made only for the giving and receiving of pleasure. He moved with Orin, slow thrusts, gentle movements, scratches along shoulders and hips and thighs, kisses smothered against lips and cheeks, bites along necks and hands buried in hair. They couldn't get enough of one another, but as frantic as they got, they never went quick. It was slow and tender, mind-numbingly intense. Orin couldn't believe how sensual the man straddling him was, no lover had ever compared to the pure unadulterated sensuality that Justin possessed. He was sexy and unabashedly free with his body, all remnants of the shy mousy boy he'd been when they were kids abolished by this moment of maddened love-making. They moved together as one being, clinging to one another, holding tight, gasping and moaning. Their sounds were a chorus of angelic songs, whispered on the night breeze and carried up to any god or goddess that cared to listen for such precious things. And as they grew close to their mutual impending release, their cries growing louder with each movement, each thrust, each grinding of their hips, Justin leaned in and bit along the edge of Orin's neck, trembling with wanton abandon. "Bite me." Justin gasped, whimpered, moaned low against Orin's ear, and Orin whimpered in reply, words lost on him. "mark me as yours." Justin pleaded, voice growing frantic, body shuddering as each movement forced him closer and closer to the edge. "Please, please Orin." He begged, and Orin turned his head so he could sink his teeth into the tender flesh of his mates shoulder. The pain was sharp, counter-pointed by a sudden upward thrust of Orin's hips, causing Justin's last vestiges of control to vanish into oblivion. It was incredible, and as he spiraled up, he knew he was past the point of no return, and no matter what he did, he would fall into the unending abyss of pleasure that awaited him. Orin felt it too, despite his inexperience, he felt the signs as surely as if he'd done this countless times. The rapid breathing, the thundering of Justin's heart as their chests pressed to one another, the way Justin tightened around the thick length of Orin's shaft, buried deep within his body. He knew that Justin was on the verge, and he curled one hand into his hair, lightly tugging, another added sensation into the mix of bites and thrusts, sending prickling sensations along Justin's skull and down his spine, pleasure zinging through him. Justin cried out, a sharp cry, his fingernails raking down Orin's back as he writhed and bucked within Orin's lap. So close, so very close, he could almost taste the sweet release, almost catch it, and when he though surely he'd go mad for the waiting of it, when he though he could take no more stimulation, when his body was simply a burning ember of lust and love and all things passionate, he felt his body topple that ridge of orgasm, leaving him with the physical sensation of falling as heat erupted within him. Never, never had he cum without being stroked to completion. Never had the simple act of love making sent him over the edge, with no more then the brush of his cock against the belly of his lover with each thrust – yet with Orin, that is exactly what happened. And intense? Gods, intense could not be a word fit for the sensations that assailed his form. And as he began to fall, to fly, Orin too joined him, shouting out hoarsely against Justin's shoulder, his head tossing back, eyes glassy before falling shut as his hips bucked uncontrollably and his arms nearly crushed Justin too him. They crested like that, Justin in Orin's lap, arms wrapped around each other, crying out, rocking and bucking, screaming their pleasure as each pulse of it sent heat throughout their bodies. It was the single most intense orgasm either of them had ever had, made all the more sweet by how supremely gentle it had all been. They came back to their bodies slowly, panting and moaning, whimpering gently. Justin's head lay against Orin's shoulder, and Orin's cheek rested against Justin's head. Their eyes were closed, sweat slicked along every inch of their bodies, and their hearts pounded within their chests, as if they could pound hard enough and join one another, instead of being trapped within different bodies. Soft kisses fluttered along Orin's shoulder, his neck, along his jaw until Justin could reach his mouth, and there he placed tender kisses at the edges of his mouth, still trembling, still feeling wholly vulnerable, emotional and open hearted. "Oh my god." Justin whispered against his lips, and then suddenly, dissolved into a fit of soft laughter. Lazy and sated, Orin was busily doing his best to return each of those soft kisses when Justin's words and sudden laughter consumed him. The laughter created a tightening, a clenching about his still semi-hard cock, sending shocks of 'too-much' pleasure along his length, and soon he was laughing too, squirming and gasping, arms tightening around Justin's body, "Oh gods, too much, too much, ack, noo..." he babbled out suddenly, which only sent Justin into a harder fit of giggles, causing them to writhe around in each others arms for a moment until the laughter subsided, and the both sighed happily. "That's never happened to me." Justin murmured after a moment, his head once more resting against Orin's shoulder as he inhaled the sweet scent of the man he loved so dearly. "What?" Orin murmured, asking curiously. "Cumming like that, with just anal sex." Justin replied, falling silent for a moment and closing his eyes, a small sated and comfortable smile fluttering at the corners of his lips. "What do you mean? Isn't that normal for ... you know, gay sex?" Orin asked, his cheeks flushing as he asked the question and tried to figure out what part about Justin's release was rare or special, is it all men or just him? Justin's hands soothingly stroked through his hair and along his upper back for a moment, then shook his head. "No, it's really uncommon actually for you to get off without your cock being stroked." He murmured, and understanding dawned on Orin. "Ohh, yea, I did hear about that." He told Justin softly, then his grin began to spread even wider, pleasure and happiness and excitement all over his face. "It was that good, then?" he asked, wonder touching his voice and making him seem innocent and almost childish in his excitement and pride. "It was better then good," Justin told him honestly, "it was the best sexual experience I ever had. And... and to have you hold me, and make me listen to you as you told me you loved me..." there was a brief moment of silence as Orin held Justin and Justin tried to find the words. His face was warm, not really a blush, but something somewhat like a blush – "It helped me... it helped me open up to you. I love you so much, but I didn't really believe you. No matter how much I loved you, you were right, it wasn't making love if I couldn't trust you. I was just so afraid that if I opened up, and let myself believe you then when it all crumbled down I'd loose you and it would break my heart so bad I didn't think I'd survive it. So, I figured if I just pretended then you didn't love me, and acted under the assumption none of it was true, then no matter what happened, if you decided you didn't want me any more, it wouldn't hurt quiet so bad." Justin tried to explain his fears and reasoning to Orin, who listened intently, nodding his head every now and again and giving a little grimace at some of the things his love was saying. "I just..." Orin paused in his explanation, tilting his head so he could rub his cheek in a very feline manner against the top of Justin's head as he considered his next words. "I could see you hurting." He finally whispered. "I could see this haunted look in your eyes behind all the lust and want and love, like you were waiting for the boot to drop. You were waiting to be crushed, and you'd take what you could get from me, because you loved me so much, even thinking that I would break your heart without a moments hesitation. I just wanted that look to be gone, I wanted to take away that pain, and to make you believe that what I was saying... it was really the truth. It is the truth. I'm not just screwing you in a secret love affair that only you and I know about. You're mine, and I'm yours, and I'm going to tell everyone just like I would if I fell in love with a woman." I did all my research because I knew it wouldn't be fair to you to start something I couldn't finish, or couldn't put my whole heart into. And at first I thought it was the sex I'd have a problem with, and that's why I focused on that." Orin paused again, taking a slow deep breath as his has stroked through Justin's hair gently idling twisting the locks around his fingertips. "Thing is, being with you, I realized it didn't have anything to do with sex." Orin whispered, "or male versus female, or the fact you have a cock instead of a pussy. None of that really mattered. 'Cause it wasn't your body I was in love with... it was you. All of you." Once more, tears began to prick at the corners of Justin's eyes as he listened to Orin speak, his voice soft, soothing, gentle against his ear drums. Though it was the words he actually spoke that soothed Justin's soul. "I mean, I tried thinking of Brad Pitt, and all those other actors girls go all nuts for, and while I can see why they'd be considered attractive, I just am not sexually aroused by them. But when I thought about you, I immediately wanted you. Not cause of how you looked, but because of who you are. I do think you're sexy as hell, don't get me wrong." Orin's fingers tugged lightly at Justin's hair as he twisted it in his grasp, playing with it gently, then releasing the strands all together and watching them untwist automatically before pulling his love closer to his chest and stroking his palm up and down his spine lovingly, soothingly. "You turn me on, you have for a long time, I think that's why I kept playing with your hair, even when I couldn't admit to myself I was in love with you, I had urges to wrap my arms around you from behind and pull you against me so many times I couldn't count them all, but I never admitted to myself what that was." He turned his head, brushing gentle kisses against the top of Justin's hair as the other man sniffled, though remained quiet until Orin was through with what he had to say. "Sometimes love doesn't quite come in the package that you think it will, and since you aren't expecting it, it sort of bites you in the ass. I've been head over heals in love with you for years, but I never realized it because you weren't what fit into my narrow view of expectations. I thought I'd be with a woman, not a man, so I ignored the obvious and kept looking for what I thought I was gonna get. When you said you loved me, everything sort of flew into place for me, and I realized how incredibly in love with you I was. Maybe I'm not gay, hell, maybe I'm not even bisexual, but I am definitely Justin-sexual." Orin grinned a little, tilting Justin's head up so he could look into his face again, his own eyes now glittering with tears. Happy tears, not sad tears. He'd always thought strong men didn't cry, but he'd learned that it was strong men who let themselves cry, let themselves fully feel and express themselves. "I'm not goin' to let a little thing like you having a penis keep me from the best thing to ever happen to me. Maybe not everyone would understand that, but I don't care, 'cause I understand it. I just don't want you to think that because I'm not interested in other men, I don't really love you. I want you to believe that because I'm not interested in other men, I love you that much more then you could ever comprehend, that my love for you is so incredibly deep, I wouldn't care what package you came in, I'd still love you." Orin whispered gently, and Justin let out a soft sob and curled his arms more fully around his lover, hugging him tightly, so tightly it was is if he wanted to crawl inside of Orin and stay there forever, wrapped in the warmth of his love. When Justin spoke, his words were rough, hoarse from emotion, from tears, and from crying out his pleasure and passion earlier. "Thank you." He whispered, "Thank you for telling me that, thank you for trying to make me feel better. My fears aren't all gone, I'll be honest with you about that, but they're a lot better then they were when you first came to see me today. I just feel a little shell shocked still, my whole world is flipped around and everything I wanted just got dropped into my lap. It's hard to take it all in, you know? So many gay men have this big fear about dating bisexual guys because they think the bi-boys can't commit. Its sort of a cultural fear, even if you don't really believe it personally, it's always in the back of your mind. It does make me a little nervous that you don't really like guys, but I can also see how that just makes me that much more special to you, because you want me despite that." Justin went silent for a moment, and Orin nodded his head, eyes still glistening with tears, all serious and intent on getting his feelings across to the man in his arms. After a moment however, Justin continued hesitantly, a shy blush suffusing his cheeks. "The... the sex was good though, right?" he asks softly, "I mean, even though you aren't into guys besides me... you still want me like this, right?" he asked, feeling his stomach knot into a million knots and do flip-flops at the same time, anxiety causing his body to tremble a little in anticipation of the answer to that very important question. Orin grinned down at his little love, eyes sparkling, then bit his lower lip before answering. "I can honestly say that was the best sex I have ever had in my entire life." He whispered, and Justin's whole body relaxed so quickly he felt like a puddle of helpless goo in Orin's lap, his breath coming out in a slow relieved sigh and his eyes closing. "And..." Orin leaned down to nuzzle from shoulder, slowly along neck, then so his nose brushed just behind Justin's ear, "I can not wait for you to take me. I can't wait to feel you inside of me. I can't wait to be the one impaled and filled up and ... oh gods Justin, just thinking about it makes me hard all over again. When I say I want you, I mean I WANT you. All of you. You're sexy and incredible, the most beautiful human being I've ever known, in every single way imaginable." Even as he spoke, Orin's cock began to harden all over again, still embedded within the tight warm confines of Justin's ass, only proving what he was saying. Grinding his hips upwards, Justin couldn't help but moan and whimper lightly at the sensation, gasping and clutching at his shoulders. All I Want for Christmas Outside the window, snow is falling, swirling its way to the ground. A fire crackles in the background, keeping the room nice and toasty. A woman sits on the sofa, a cup of hot chocolate in her hand. She looks pensive, as if struggling with a difficult decision; her big brown eyes seem lost in thought. She sips, the delicate china cup tipping slightly. Placing the cup on the nearby table, she reaches for a pad of paper and a pen, her chestnut hair falling forward to partially hide her face. She sits back, a single tear rolls down her cheek. She brushes it away, a bit ashamed that it fell. She brings the pen to her lips, chewing it. With a sigh, she begins to write. Dear Mark, So often I think of you. The way you held me in your arms made me feel safe. That is a feeling I haven't felt in such a long time. Not a day goes by when your handsome face doesn't float before my eyes, teasing me with the memory of the nights we shared. My body longs for you, your touch and there is naught I can do about it. You sparked within me a fire not easily put out. I crave all of the things we did, together. You opened me up to so many delightful things that I likely would not have experienced otherwise. For that, I thank you. I feel as though part of me is missing. I am listless, restless, hoping against hope for a message from you. I know that it cannot be and should not be. But it is. You brought a much needed smile to my lips, a laugh to my eyes, a song to my heart. I know, I vowed to keep my heart separate, aloof, locked away from you. It didn't work. However unintentionally, you broke through all of my defenses, scaled the walls I built around myself and wormed your way into my heart and soul. I failed to realize it was happening until it was too late. You had already left. They say parting is such sweet sorrow and I have to agree. I cried for days after you had gone, hating myself for being so weak, cursing you for leaving and not feeling what I felt. I know it's futile to write this, but I feel that I ma receive some closure in expressing this torment I am going through. I do not intend to send this letter, not that I have your new address anyway. I hope to find some comfort, some peace in the act of putting my thoughts on paper. You will forever remain in my soul, tormenting me. You took with you a piece of me that I can never get back. I wish you well. I hope that your decision to leave brings you good fortune and the happiness you seek. I am saddened that said happiness could not be found within my arms. Please remember that you touched a part of me that I long thought dead. Christmas is coming and you know how difficult holidays are for me. My friends and family ask me what I want for Christmas, and I tell them that I haven't a clue. But I do know what I want. All I want for Christmas is you. With all the love that I possess, Genevieve The tears are flowing freely now, spotting the paper and causing the ink to blur. She curses them, reaching for a Kleenex to blot them. She places the note pad on the table and gets up. Banking the fire, she turns out the lights, locks the door and heads to the bedroom. Silently, she removes her clothes and slips between the cool flannel sheets, burying her face in the pillow. Within moments, she is asleep. Back in the living room, the letter she wrote flutters, as if blown by an unseen wind. It tears from the note pad, rising up toward the ceiling. Small starbursts surround it, twinkling in the darkened room. The paper seems to fade, growing more and more transparent until it is gone, along with the sparkles, leaving no trace that they had ever been there. The only remnant of the letter is the impression on the note pad and moist splotches. ~~~~~ The next few days are a blur of activity. She has totally forgotten about the letter, not even noticing that it has effectually disappeared. She wraps presents for her friends and family, bakes cookies for her coworkers, loses herself in holiday preparations. She used to enjoy the holidays, wishing everyone, even strangers season's greetings. The past few years have been hard on her, she lost things that were irreplaceable, including herself. She fights back tears once again as she hangs the final decorations on her small tree. A solid knock at her door rouses her out of her reverie. It's Christmas Eve, who could be knocking at her door? Dusting her hands off, she opens the door. His back is to her, bundled in a heavy winter coat and hat. She doesn't recognize him. "May I help you?" She asks, impatiently. He turns then and shock spreads through out her body. "Hi, Gen," he says. "W-w-what are you doing here?" "I got your letter." "What letter?" He holds up the tear stained paper. "This one," She grabs it from his hands, skimming it. Color stains her cheeks as she realizes that it is the letter that she never intended to send. "How did you get this? I never mailed it." "It was in my mailbox yesterday. Can I come in? It's kind of cold out here." he asks. "Oh, yeah sure," She says, pushing the door open. He shrugs out of his coat, toeing his snow-caked boots off. He reaches up and pulls the hat off his head, spikes of brown hair sprout out from his head. She laughs at the sight he makes. She leads him to the sofa and heads to the kitchen, fixing each of them a cup of coffee. Handing him a cup, she sits at the other end of the sofa, facing him. "After reading this letter, I did some soul searching. I knew that some thing was missing I just didn't know what. Every night, when I went to sleep, your face was in my head. Every morning, there it was again. I didn't know that you meant so much to me, until this letter," he pauses, sipping the coffee. "It hit me like a tons of bricks. I should have known all along but I guess I was too blind, or scared, to see it. Gen, I carry your smile in my heart, your laugh in my soul. Please, please say you forgive me for being such an idiot." Tears were streaming down her face and she made no move to hide them or dash them away. She scoots next to him, laying her head on his chest. "Of course I forgive you. How could I not?" "I don't know but I'm sure glad you do," he tilts her face to his, bent his head and kisses her. When the kiss broke, he smiles his crooked smile at her. "Merry Christmas, Gen." "Merry Christmas, Mark," She smiles back at him. Grinning, he says, "I have one more thing to ask you." Fumbling in his pocket, he pulls out a small black box. Opening it, he holds it out to her, "Will you marry me?" Tears flow again as she whispers, "Yes." "What was that? I couldn't hear you," he teases her. "Yes!!" she screams, "Yes I will marry you!" ~~~~~~~~ She led him to her bedroom, and quickly undresses him. She stood before him, her hands hesitating on the buttons of her blouse. He reaches for her, brushing her hands aside. His fingers made quick work of the buttons and soon her blouse was naught but a mound of fabric on the floor. He leans forward, kissing every inch of skin now exposed. Her head falls back, eye closed. Her fingers find his head, palms curving possessively around it, urging him closer. He unhooks her bra, freeing her breasts to his eyes. He ravages them and she moans, her body arching toward him. He unfastens her jeans, pushing them to the floor in his haste to feel her naked against him. He pulls her closer, his hands cupping her bottom. His mouth descends on hers, tongue invading, wrestling with hers. He feels the familiar hard ball of her tongue ring and groans against her lips. Scooping her up, he turns and places her on the bed. He kneels at her feet, taking in the sight of her, nude and at his fingertips. He plants soft kisses to her ankle, then up her calves, along her inner thigh until she is writhing beneath his lips. Her breath is coming is gasps now, her fingers digging into his scalp, trying to pull him up to her heated core. His lips kiss everywhere but where she wants to most. Instead, he kneels between her spread thighs, the head of his throbbing cock poised outside her opening. She thrusts her hips toward him, trying to get him inside her. "You are so beautiful, Gen. Tell me what you want." "I want you." "You have me." "No, I want you in me. Now!" "You want me to fuck you baby?" "Yes," she moans, breathlessly. "Then tell me," he commands softly. "I want you to fuck me, Mark. Please fuck me!" He growls and with one quick thrust, is buried within her. She screams, back arching, trying to take him deeper.He begins to move slowly, hips rocking against hers. Her nails dig into his back, urging him on. He refrains, enjoying the look on her face. "You like that baby?" he whispers. "Uh huh," she replies. "Tell me what you want me to do." "Oh God, Mark, please fuck me hard. Fuck me now!" Needing no more invitation, his hips move faster, causing her to moan louder. He keeps his eyes fixed on her face, watching as her peak builds. Her screams come in little squeaks now and he knows she will cum soon. He leans down and clamps his mouth on her nipple, nibbling gently. "Oh fuck!" she groans. "That's it, baby, cum for me." With that, her orgasm crashes over her, her pussy spasming around his pumping cock. Her nails dig into his back, and he groans, his own crest racing towards him. He looks at her, and says, "You want me to cum?" "Oh yes!! Cum for me!" Three quick thrusts later, his cock swells, pumping his seed into her. She sighs as it trickles hotly from her tight channel. He rains kisses over her face, his cock growing flaccid. "I love you, Gen." "I love you, Mark. Merry Christmas." All I Want for Christmas Author's note: My baby is finally headed home after another extended deployment. I pray for his safe return, even as I curse the silence of enforced separation. Every day apart feels like a lifetime, and I hope that he gets to read this, somehow, and understand how very much I love him. If not, then I offer to read it to him as I curl up in his arms...home at last. *** I hung the last blue frosted ornament on the Christmas tree and stepped back with a sigh. Searching desperately for some holiday cheer, I settled for a tired smile as I turned to my two children. "Ready for the lights?" I asked. Their shouts of glee made me chuckle. Turning off the lamps, I flipped the switch to turn on the lights. Their softly twinkling glow began to blur as my eyes filled with tears. Turning toward the kitchen, I mumbled something about setting out cookies and milk. Jazmin and Andre stood next to the tree, reaching out to touch the sparkles with innocent little fingers, too captivated by the lights to notice my distress. The lid to the cookie jar rattled as I lifted it, the chime of ceramics hitting together making me wince. How many times in the past year had I filled this jar with leftovers from the boxes I sent to my husband? Even the most recent package had been sent out weeks before. Now it seemed an eternity since I'd seen Toby's sweet, sexy grin over the webcam, an eternity since I'd heard his voice on the overseas line, an eternity since he'd made me smile with a loving email. But his battalion was packing up to finally come home after a year of being in the desert – and packing up meant no internet, no phone...not even snail mail. My whole body shook with tears as I blindly set the cookies on the plate. Here it was, Christmas Eve, and I hadn't been able to able to talk to my baby in a week. Even after eight years of marriage, I longed for his voice, his touch, his arms. I had known going into this marriage that being a soldier's wife wouldn't be easy. I had watched my dad go all over the world while Mom stayed at home and raised us. As a child, I had vowed to never marry a military man. As a woman, I had been swept off my feet from the very first glance from those melted-chocolate eyes. "Mami?" Jazmin's soft voice startled me, her father's term of endearment for me rolling so naturally off of her lips. Iand I hurriedly brushed the tears away with cookie-crumbed fingers, inadvertently smearing a streak of chocolate across the curve of my cheek. "Yeah, baby," I asked, busying myself with arranging the cookies just so on the same tree-shaped plate we'd used for years. Tremors rippled through me, chimemaking the dogtags I wore tinkle together. I pressed my hand to my chest to stop that merry sound, fingers slipping between the buttons of one of Toby's old shirts to stroke the warm metal in an unconscious gesture. One tag was mine, from my eight years in the Air Force. The other was his, snagged during one of our first dates. Even without seeing them, I could easily tell which tag was which, could feel the slightest differences in the metal. "You okay, Mami?" Jazmin's wide brown eyes filled with concern. Blinking rapidly, I tried to clear my tears. "Sure am, baby. Just wish Daddy was home with us." She patted my hand, solemnly nodding her head, her brown eyes so like her fathers, filled with a wisdom beyond her years. "He'll be home soon." I leaned down to hug her, breathing in the scent of freshly shampooed hair. I stroked those tight dark curls, loving her so much it hurt. "Mami! It's snowing!!" Andre's excited voice rang through the house as his feet pounded a path from the tree to the door. I winced as the heavy wood slammed against the wall behind it, already visualizing the dent. "Jazzi, come here!" my son demanded, practically stomping his foot with impatience. Giving me a quick hug, she ran off to the front door, where she and her brother ooh'd and ahh'd over the fat, swirling flakes. I stood in the darkened hallway for a moment, just watching them. Jazmin, at seven, was as precocious as she was adorable. She had the dusky, coffee-and-cream skin, high cheekbones, and Cupid's bow mouth that indicated she was sure to grow as beautiful outside as she was inside. While her deep brown eyes could sparkle with pleasure or shimmer with temper, she had my unfortunate lack of being able to hide a thought – everything she felt was written on her face. Smart as a whip, she was generally pretty quiet – unless Andre got her going. Andre had learned at a young age, as most brothers do, just which buttons to push to make Jazmin's temper sizzle. At five years old, Andre was as self-assured and outgoing as Jazmin was quiet. He was a miniature version of his father, complete with sparkling, melted-chocolate eyes, a saucy grin, and an amazing generosity. A bundle of boundless energy, Andre sometimes made me tired just watching him zoom from one thing to another, but his ready laughter and pure love of life made it impossible not to forgive his rambunctious nature. Sometimes, like now, just watching these two treasures made me hurt with love. I could pick out so many of Toby's traits in each of them – Jazmin's quick wit, Andre's cocky grin. I ached for Toby to be home, and hated that these last few weeks would mean no contact. But, I reminded myself – this just meant the start of the official countdown until he was back home, safe and sound and wrapped up in my arms. I smiled as I stepped up to the door. Jazmin and Andre had their heads bent low, whispering behind hands cupped together. When I caught one of the glances shot my way, I started to back up into the hallway. "Whatever it is you have planned, you can forget about it, right now!" I laughed in warning. Each of the children snagged a hand and dragged me, in laughing protest, toward the softly falling snow. "C'mon, Mami, you've got to." Jazmin's eyes glowed, and she giggled in delight. Andre scooted behind me, putting both hands on my back and pushing me across the threshold. Laughing, I found myself standing on the now snow-dusted front lawn. Fat, lazy flakes made halos around the streetlights and shimmered against the cool blue glow of our outdoor Christmas lights. "Ready?" asked Andre, his voice filled with excitement. "Ready for what?" I answered cautiously, almost afraid to hear what plan they'd schemed up. Jazmin rolled her eyes at me while Andre giggled. "Wishes!" he shouted, flinging out his arms and spinning in dizzying circles. "Wishes?" Jazmin sighed deeply. "Everyone," she said patiently, "knows that if you make a Christmas wish in the first snow, it has to come true!" "Oh," I said, startled. Obviously I was not 'everyone.' I looked up to the night sky, feeling a childish hope swell in my heart. What could it hurt? Wrapping their arms around me, Jazmin and Andre spun me around, all of us raising our faces to the falling snow, making our silent wishes and giggling as frozen flakes tickled against our skin. Laughing, we collapsed on the ground, shivering and huddled together, their heads cuddled up on my shoulders as we lay in a blanket of snow. "Mami," said Andre, touching a fingertip to the snowflake melting on my cheek. "Did you make your wish?" I hugged him tight to me. "I sure did," I whispered past the lump in my throat. Jazmin merely looked at me. "Daddy?" she asked. I nodded, eyes filling with tears again. "He'll be home soon," she said gravely, nodding her head in absolute certainty. We lie there in the silence, listening to the pitter patter of snow falling. Finally Andre sat up. "Mami, I betcha Santa would love some hot choc'late." I tickled him, smiling at his squeals of laughter. "Uh huh. I betcha Andre's loving some hot chocolate!" The kids raced into the house, calling dibs on who would get what flavor. I rolled my eyes, wondering what on earth had ever possessed me to buy a variety pack of cocoa. When the kids were finally settled into bed for the night, I pinned up my lengthy red curls and took a long hot candlelit bubble bath. I lay in the steaming water and thought of how many times Toby and I had shared just such an experience. I missed him so much – the feel of his chest against my back, his arms wrapping around me, his voice in my ear as we shared our day. I briefly touched myself, but no amount of imagination could convince me that the fingers stroking my collarbone were long, dark, and very masculine. With a sigh I leaned forward and drained the tub. Wrapping up in my favorite robe, I made some coffee and settled into the corner of the sofa, letting the soothing scent of apple logs burning in the fireplace wash over me. The only other light was the cheery glow of the tree. I hadn't had the heart to turn it off. I stroked a fingertip over the picture I held in my hand, wishing I could touch Toby's face, rather than his image. This was my favorite picture of him, as evidenced by the creases and worn spots. His roguish grin and cocky stance made me smile, while the love in his eyes was all for me. He looked so good in uniform, and I loved sharing this frozen snippet of his life. I took a sip of my coffee and leaned by head back against the couch, closing my eyes as an unbearable ache filled me. I missed him unbearably whenever we were apart like this, but for some reason this Christmas Eve was the worst yet. I felt like I would explode with edginess, burst with the need to be with him. Oh, I was proud of my soldier, but I hated being so far apart. Everyone knows that if you make a Christmas wish in the first snow, it has to come true. Jazmin's words echoed through my head, resonating in my heart. As ever, my wish had been as much a prayer for Toby's safety and security as it had been a greedy plea for him to come home to me. Holding the cooling coffee mug to my forehead, I bit my lip against the need sweeping through me. I had become so accustomed to hearing his voice, seeing his smile, sharing our love through the webcam as an alternative to being able to touch. Now, with them packing up to head home, I was robbed of even that. And while my heart ached to hold him close, my body ached to feel his skin, see his pleasure, fulfill our desires. Oh, the steamy fantasies we'd shared, making the most of our enforced separation, sending letters and videos over the miles. Even after eight years of marriage, our desire for and appreciation of each other was still so deliciously strong. With a slight smile, I set my coffee aside. The cool silk of my robe slid against my skin, making me tremble. Toby loved this robe, loved how it would slip and slide across my pale skin, revealing as much as it concealed, and laughing at my comical attempts to keep it tied together. Smiling as I remembered his uncontrollable reaction to my damp skin in this shimmery robe, I came to a decision. I wanted Toby-time, but since I couldn't have him with me, I'd simply use my imagination, pretend he was here...and hope he would somehow feel what I was feeling, share in my midnight naughtiness across the miles. Maybe the simple act of imagining us together would ease some of this ache that was threatening to overwhelm me. Shifting along the cushions, I curled into the arm of the sofa, propping one long leg against the padded back, letting the other drop to the floor. My robe slid along the length of my thigh, until cool silk rested against hot core. I hissed at this lightest of contacts, my back arching in pleasure. "Toby." His name whispered between my lips, a moan of need and arousal. My fingertips fluttered down the front of my robe, running between its slick edges, softly caressing the warmth of my freshly bathed skin. Silk slipped and slithered against me as I trembled with desire, arousing me further. I bit my lip, quivering in agonized need. With impatient fingers, I untied the knot of material holding the robe against me and slowly dragged the rich material open, shivering as I imagined Toby's fingers to be doing what mine had done. Oh, how I loved the feel of him on me, his skin on mine, his breath in my ear, coaxing me to cum for him as he stroked and caressed me. Now, with my needs so strong and my imagination riding high, I was able to transfer my touch into his caress, was able to hear his voice, feel him against me. Leaning back over the arm of the sofa, I raised my hands to my hair, undoing the clip that had held it dry through my bath, filtering the soft curls through my fingers, letting that soft red mass tumble back down over my shoulders and neck, spilling over the arm of the sofa and stretch toward the floor. I straightened my leg, lifting it against the back of the sofa, imagining Toby's eyes following that long, pale stretch of skin from tiptoe to dampened juncture. Unable to resist, I stroked my fingertips down the length of my leg, pulling it toward me as I caressed my skin, following the curve of my calf, indent of my knee, fullness of my thigh. With a gasp of pleasure I let my fingers settle over soft, silken heat, feeling the thrum of my heartbeat reflected in the quiver of damp flesh. Spreading my legs wide, I let my fingers explore the hills and valleys of my swollen, aching core, turning my head to stare at Toby's picture where I'd propped it against my discarded mug. The sexy smile on his face and the love in his eyes was enough to send me over the edge, and with a soft cry of passion I slipped three fingers inside, nestling them as deep as I could get them, aching for their touch to be his length, his thickness, his velvety hardness claiming me. As I trembled through that first orgasm, my other hand stroked its way along my body to the pebbled tips of my softly heaving breasts. Lightly pinching and pulling, softly squeezing, I caressed myself as Toby had so often done, again replacing the feel of my skin with the imagined touch of his, and losing myself in wave after wave of crushing orgasm, biting my lip to stifle my cries of pleasured frustration. Recovering from the intensity of my husband's remembered caresses, I once again opened my eyes and focused on his beloved face. The ache I felt in my heart was almost unbearable, but my imagined caresses were helping to ease other aches. Pulling my dripping fingers from their cocoon of heat, I swiftly brushed my fingertips across my aching bud, in a brief caress only left me yearning for more. Lost in his smile, I lightly caressed myself, mentally debating the wisdom of my thoughts and needs. Finally, with a moan of longing, I rolled off the couch and, quickly retying the sash of my robe and stopping briefly at the tree, headed upstairs. Moments later I returned to my nook on the sofa, armed with some supplies, my "toy box," and a bottle of toasted vanilla flavored warming lotion. A brief check on the kids had shown them to be fast asleep, undoubtedly dreaming of the toys Santa was bringing for them. I chuckled to myself as I settled into the soft cushion, knowing that while I had to play Santa for my kids in a few short hours, this midnight session was a present to myself. And, I giggled as I set up the video camera, it would be a present to Toby, as well, whenever he got home. Quickly checking lighting and angles, I hit the remote for the camera, and settled back into my comfy corner, robe draped demurely around me. With the angle I was shooting, the combination of tree lights and firelight was just enough of a glow to give the soft mystique I was aiming for. "Hey, darlin'," I said, smiling at the camera and pretending it was Toby's eyes caressing me. "Merry Christmas. I know you can't be here, so I figured I'd give you a bit of eye candy for when you get home," I murmured, rubbing my hands lightly over my robe, watching in the display panel as this wanton woman caressed herself for her husband. This little bit of voyeurism gave me a thrill, and I watched as my blue eyes heated up, my entire pose becoming sultry and provocative. "Don't mind me, darlin'," I moaned, pressing both hands to my breasts, squeezing and molding them. "I'm just gonna shut my eyes and pretend these are your hands, touching me...the way I need to be touched," I gasped as my questing fingers tugged and twisted at my throbbing nipples. "Guess you'd probably like to see some of what you're missing though, huh?" I giggled, breathless with desire and slightly amazed at my own daring. I was setting out to seduce my husband by video – and I was enjoying it! I felt wild and wanton and wicked, seeing a sexy, sensuous side of me that I hadn't seen since before the kids. And while I loved my babies with all my heart, I kinda liked this sexy, slutty siren that was pushing her way to the front and demanding that her man stand up and take notice. Kneeling on the sofa, back turned to the camera, I eased the robe down over my shoulders, knowing that the soft lights from the tree were adding to the seduction as they gently caressed my pale skin, alternately exposing and concealing my charms. The darkened hallway which I faced over the back of the sofa only added to my feeling of naughtiness, heightening my sensations to the utmost degree. When the robe had slithered to the curve of my elbows, I held it there, turning ever so slightly, knowing that he'd be glued to the screen, watching the pointed thrust of my nipples come into view, those rosy peaks capping mounds of soft white skin that he knew so well, had tasted so often. Spreading my legs wide, I grasped a handful of robe at each hip and slowly, teasingly, hiked it upward, offering him a tantalizing glimpse of taut, rounded muscle and sultry, weeping cleft before dropping the silk back down over me, smoothing it with my hands, letting the robe fall off my wrists to pool around my thighs, holding it there for several thunderous heartbeats, knowing how sexy that mauve-and-amber patterned silk looked against the smoothness of my soft white skin. With a saucy grin, I let the robe slip all the way to the floor, leaving me completely exposed to the camera's eye. I ran my hands through those long red curls again, knowing how they would glint and glimmer against my skin as they tumbled along my back. Keeping my back to the camera, I slipped my hands along the length of my body, outlining each curve and hollow. I wanted to make him ache for me, to need me as desperately as I needed him. Resting against the back of the sofa, I slipped a hand between my splayed thighs, running it first along the inside of one taught thigh, then the other, prolonging my own agony. Finally, when I could take this teasing no more, I cupped my heated core in my hand, feeling the wetness pooling there, feeling the swollen evidence of my own arousal. I laughed in delight, twisting to blow a kiss to the camera, a vixen on the prowl. Tossing my hair again, I turned sideways on the couch, letting the camera watch as I pleasured myself with both hands, one curving under me while the other's motions were teasingly masked by the position of my leg, the actions obvious, but the contact hidden. The wild woman in the camera display winked back at me. "So, baby – see anything you want?" I whimpered, blowing kisses to the camera. Swirling around, I settled on the couch, knees to my chest and ankles crossed, heels tucked tightly against me. I wrapped my arms around my legs and batted my lashes at the camera. "Too bad you can't feel how soft...how incredibly smooth my skin is tonight," I simpered, reaching for the bottle of lotion. "But maybe I can give you a visual...give you something to remember." I grinned wickedly, then squirted a stream of silky lotion over the top of my knees, letting it trickle suggestively down my shins. I began smoothing the shimmery lotion into my skin, lightly caressing legs, tipping my head back and moaning in pleasure. All I Want for Christmas Ever so slowly I pulled my legs apart, each long stroke of lotion widening the gap between them, until the only thing hiding my swollen core was the fact that my ankles were crossed. The rest of me, from hips to throat, was fully visible. Uncrossing one leg, I extended it fully, drizzling more lotion along its length, "accidentally" dropping a dollop on my breast, where the lights could catch its decent toward my nipple, a creamy white reminder of things we both enjoyed. Supporting my calf with one hand, I stroked scented lotion along the curve and dip of my leg, enjoying the smell as much as the touch. Trailing fingernails from toe to buttock, I teased and tormented one last time before picking up the bottle and applying the same attention to the other leg, knowing that as I unbent and stroked that long limb, my swollen, glistening core was exposed to the camera. Lovingly, teasingly I applied the lotion, stroke after stroke of glossy cream onto pale skin. From toes to thigh, I caressed and teased, stroked and delighted, never needing to touch my steaming core – I was quivering with passion and burning with desire, as was evidenced by my glittering eyes, flushed cheeks, and sounds of pleasure. Sliding onto the edge of the sofa, I spread my legs wide, arched my back, lifted the bottle to full arms' length – and squirted lotion all over my chest, shoulders, stomach. Drizzle after messy drizzle of lotion cascaded over my skin, some slithering off curves to drip onto the sofa and floor. Closing my eyes, I moaned in ecstasy, easily imagining the streams and dollops of creamy lotion to be Toby's thick, rich cum, coating me in spurt after spurt of pleasure. Tossing the bottle aside, I slicked both hands over my body, rubbing that potent cream into every curve and crevice, stroking it along my neck, over my shoulders, coating my breasts...and finally, finally stroking it into the softness of my smooth, swollen pussy. The slippery caress of my fingers against my clit made me jump, then moan. I slid multiple fingers inside of me, writhing in pleasure, wiggling my fingertips and feeling my pussy clench around them as I exploded, keening Toby's name, riding his fingers in my mind. At last, breathless, I pulled my hands away from my throbbing pussy, seeing the moisture beaded along the well-lotioned surface. With a grin of pure devilment, I scooped up more of my own cream where it had pooled – and rubbed my juices into the skin of my throat, breasts, shoulders and stomach, just as I had the vanilla-scented lotion. Wet and wild, I coated myself with my husband's favorite scent – my arousal. My skin, when I looked at the video display, was glistening, swirls and whorls of color reflected from the Christmas lights, my nipples hard and throbbing, my pussy swollen and flushed, my entire body in "come fuck me" mode. "Toby, please," I begged the camera, sensuously undulating with the force of my need. My hands roamed anywhere and everywhere, my hips rocking softly as I blindly searched for fulfillment. Bending over the arm of the sofa, I reached for my toy box, unaware of the sexy picture my glimmering legs and glistening buttocks made as I stretched for the object of my desire. Finally, toy in hand, I spun around on the cushion, unconsciously assuming my earlier position – one leg bent against the back of the sofa, one foot flat on the floor, back arched gracefully over the sofa's arm. Holding my toy in two hands, I lowered the glistening black rod to my mouth, flicking my tongue along its head in welcome before sliding it into my throat. I'd been practicing since my love had been in the desert. I couldn't wait to show him how much deeper I could take it – and him. For several minutes I gave the camera a show, knowing the audible sounds of my pleasure would go straight to Toby's cock when he watched this. And knowing I was pleasuring my man brought me more pleasure...and made me noisier. Swirling my tongue along its length, I slipped it out, rubbing the head over my lips, along my cheeks, down the curve of my throat, making love to it – to him – with every part of my wet, willing body. I slid that dark toy along my breasts – between them, under them, along their full curve, rubbing the tip of that long, dark toy into the throbbing firmness of my swollen nipples. I pushed my breasts together, completely encasing the thickness of my fake cock within my slippery, shimmery flesh. Just the head poked out, begging to be licked. I complied, moaning in pleasure. Finally, turning my head to the camera to let Toby read the arousal etched on my face, I slipped my toy down to my aching pussy. Tossing my head back, I rocked my hips up onto it, easily imagining Toby's hard, dark length entering my slick folds. Biting my lips in an effort to stifle my cries of pure pleasure, I exploded even as the full length slid into me. Bucking, heaving, writhing, I moaned and gasped, hair tossing one way then another as I thrashed and rolled on the sofa, wave after wave of passion slamming through me. As the pounding of my heart subsided, I opened my eyes and looked right into the camera. "I love you." Letting my eyes flicker almost shut, I straightened around to face the camera, leaning forward, blue eyes blazing on the display screen. "Now," I grinned, "here's a Christmas treat for you, darlin'." Sinking back onto the cushion, I spread my legs wide and rocked my hips, rubbing my wet, swollen lips against the giant red-and-white-striped peppermint stick I'd snagged from under the tree. With a devilish grin, I lifted the stick up to my mouth, swirling my tongue around it as I'd just swirled my tongue around my toy, tasting myself through the bite of mint. Sliding the now sticky candy cane along the same path my toy had earlier taken, I left a wet, glistening trail that shimmered in the low light. My giggle of devilish amusement turned to a gasping whimper as my heat swallowed the length of that gaily striped stick, taking it to depths that only Toby had ever before reached. Arching my back, whimpering in pleasure, I closed my eyes and imagined my husband's long, thick black cock ravaging me in that way only he could. Pumping the thick stick in and out of me, I moaned his name, writhing in pleasure, feeling undeniably sexy, knowing this show would be sure to drive him insane. As another crashing orgasm washed over me, I arched and quivered, eyes blindly focused on the ceiling...and meeting those sexy, melted-chocolate eyes of my husband instead. I froze. Well, my hands froze. My pussy continued to clench and gush and quake, even more so now that his eyes were roaming my exposed, glistening body. "Toby?" I whispered, unbelieving. His dark fingertip stroked the high curve of my cheek. "That's it, baby...cum for me." His voice, that smooth, sweet, sexy voice sent shivers coursing through me. "Toby?!" Tears spilled from my eyes, trickling down my face. I couldn't tell if this was real, if my husband was truly here, with me, in the flesh. I'd wanted him here so badly – had I only wished this? "Naw, baby, don't do that," he whispered, kissing the tears away. His hands cradled my cheeks, caressed my throat, one settling on my breast while the other slipped lower, gently twisting the peppermint stick inside of me, making my push against his hand in pleasure. His eyes flickered to the camera and he grinned, deciding to let it continue to capture the moment. As his kisses dried my tears, the realization that he was truly here with me rocked me to the core. I lifted a hand and felt the stiff fabric of his ACUs, saw the tiredness lurking in those sweet, sexy eyes, heard the chime of dogtags from inside his shirt, felt his breath against my ear as he whispered the words of love and longing that it seemed I'd waited forever to hear. Tilting my head back with a gentle hand under my chin, he kissed me, long, slow, deep. Our tongues mated, our whimpers and moans melding together. Slipping around the arm of the sofa, he pulled the candy cane from me, setting it aside, sinking into the corner I'd so recently left, and pulling me across his lap. His lips never left mine. As I straddled his lap, crushed tightly to him, whimpering my pleasure, passion, disbelief, he stroked his hand through my hair and moaned my name, over and over. "How..." I asked, dazed. "Don't you know," he murmured, smiling against my lips. "Haven't you figured it out yet?" With a laugh of amazed delight, I clutched him to me, pressing kisses all over his beloved, smiling face. "Oh yes," I said, sending my thanks skyward. "Oh yes." In my mind, I heard Jazmin's voice again, and knew. "Everyone knows that if you make a Christmas wish in the first snow, it has to come true."