37 comments/ 157242 views/ 19 favorites It's All About Trust By: Lovepotion69 It was the summer of 2000, and I was off to University. After working myself into a frenzy about not being accepted anywhere, I managed to graduate with good grades. Maybe I didn't get a Summa Cum Laude, or any other Laude for that matter, and perhaps I never did become a valedictorian, but I did good. The proof came in the mailbox sometime in July. "Cathy! Cathy!" my mom yelled. "What is it mom?" I yelled back from my room. "Get down here! You have a letter!" She was standing by the end of the stairs looking very excited. "Who's the letter from?" I asked. "New York University," mom said, eagerly handing me a white envelop. It felt heavy in my hand, and the stamp in the right-hand corner clearly stated it had been mailed in New York. "Well, aren't you gonna open it?" "Mom, I will! Let me get the letter..." "Here you are," mom handed me the letter opener. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you're more eager to read this letter than me, mom." "For God's sake, just open it!" "Ok, ok! I'm opening it. I'm opening it!" A RITSCH was heard when I let the blade of the opener tear the paper. With trembling hands I took out the letter, and unfolded it. "Dear Miss Davis, We are hereby pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to New York University..." Mom gave up a loud shriek. "YOU GOT IN!" She grabbed my hand and started to twirl me around. "You got in!" "Mom!" quickly I jerked my hand out of her grip. "I haven't finished the letter yet!" Mom stopped dancing, and casually leaned against the kitchen bench. Well, at least she tried to make it look casual. "Now, where was I?" My eyes scanned the letter to find where I had left off. "Ah, yes. We are very pleased to welcome you in fall. A package including information on room and board, facilities blah blah blah will be arriving to you shortly. If you have further questions contact Mr. Allen." I looked up from the letter. The corners of my mouth started twitching, and I could feel a huge grin form on my face. "I GOT IN! I got in! Mom, I got in!" Mom looked at me, forcing herself to look cool, but quickly lost her composure. "You got in!" she screamed and grabbed, this time, both my hands while jumping up and down. "Oh my gosh, wait until I tell grandma and grandpa. They'll be thrilled to hear!" And with that mom skipped to the telephone to tell the good news to anyone who wanted to listen. # Since that day I began to plan for my move. It was quite scary to leave the comfort and safety that living at home stands for. Thankfully I had been lucky enough to get a place in the dorms. Being an only child, the thought of sharing a room with someone was also a bit worrying. What if we didn't get along? What if she was some party princess who thought a good night involved sex, drugs and rock n' roll? Or even worse, what if she was really really boring? There were so many things that went through my mind that summer. Apart from the usual worries, like; would I fit in? How would the classes be? What if I got homesick? and so many others, there was another worry too. My friends. What about my friends at home? Would they forget about me now that I was off to University? After all, they had their lives, and I had mine. Some of them were also going to College or University, but most of them would be closer to home than me. Not to mention, closer to each other. When voicing my concerns to my mom, she smiled at me like only a mother can. "Darling, everything will be new. For you and me both," she gave my hand a squeeze. "But, for you it will also be exciting. You'll meet lots of new people, and you'll make new friends." "I know that mom," I said, "but I'm worried my old ones will forget me." "Well, I'm sure they won't forget you, but at times people grow apart," mom looked at me tenderly. "I won't say that your old friends, or new ones for that matter, will be with along for the rest of your life. Friends come and go, and the reasons can be many. What I'm saying though is, it's all part of life. Enjoy your time, don't think so much about what might be. Enjoy the now." Of course mom was right, but I was still a bit worried. # It was a week before I was leaving, Steven, my best friend was coming over. Most of my friends found it weird I had a guy as my best friend, but I didn't care. There always seemed to flourish tons of gossip about Steven and me. Personally I never understood the fun in speculating around our love lives. The last week before the move, not even my girl friends would let go off the subject. "Are you sure you don't fancy each other?" Beth asked. "I'm sure, we're just friends!" "But, how can you be 'just friends' with a guy? Especially someone as cute as Steven!" Beth said. What could I do but sigh? They apparently could not understand it. "Have you ever at least considered dating him?" Anne asked. "Well, I guess I have," I grudgingly admitted. "In the beginning before we became really close. Now I just don't think about him that way." "You are so strange," Beth said. "He's tall, dark and handsome. Steven's the epitome of the prince in all the fairy tales. Not only good looking, but also nice and intelligent. You must be crazy not to date him!" "God knows, I'd love to...," Anne added. "Then date him!" I urged her. "He's single, and I won't be around. I'm sure the gossip press would love to have you date him!" "Cathy, you're hopeless," Anne sighed. "C'mon, you gotta have noticed how Steven has changed over the past three years. Or have you been that blind?" "What are you talking about?" I said, cocking an eyebrow, pretending not to understand what she was implying. Beth looked at me with a stern face. "Don't tell me you haven't noticed the change." "What change?" "In Steven!" Beth seemed to want to kill me. She grabbed the milkshake in front of her, and took a sip. "When we started High School he wasn't that tall. He had that boring boy-next door haircut. During his free time he'd hang out with the chess club, and you'd never hear of any girl fancying him." "So?" I said with a hint of annoyance. "So...," Beth smiled triumphantly. "Since then he has grown taller, gotten rid of that horrendous haircut, and basically turned from Dawson to Pacey." "I like Pacey," Anne interjected. "I like them both," I said. "Now, why the damn comparison about two TV show characters?" "Because," Beth continued, "Dawson is the typical boy-next-door. He's nice, sweet, romantic etc. Safe in short. Pacey, on the other hand is witty, sarcastic, nice, but has that bad boy streak." Here I couldn't help protesting. "Steven is not a bad boy!" "Anne, can you tell her to shut up?" Beth looked at me with an annoyed glance. "Eh, perhaps I better keep out of this," Anne said. "What I'm trying to say," Beth continued once again. "is that Steven has gone from being...boring, yeah yeah, stop throwing daggers at me, to becoming hot. He's turned from Dawson to Clark Kent, if that's a better comparison for you." "Dawson to Clark Kent," I repeated not knowing if Beth was joking or not. "Yes, the Clark in the Smallville series, that is. Hot, nice body, but still with that sweetness and good guy image to him. But you can just tell there's a bad boy waiting to get out..." "Ok, that's it. No more TV show comparisons!" I said. "I get the picture, he's changed, and apparently for the better. Great, what does that have to do with me?" Anne looked at me and smiled sweetly. There was something in that smile that made me feel uneasy. "Have you considered sleeping with Steven?" I almost choked on my milkshake. "What?! Sleeping with him? Where did you get that from?" Now it was Anne's turn to hold a speech. "You're going away to University Cathy," she said in a serious tone. "You're still a virgin. Are you planning to stay one until you marry?" "Eh, no," I stuttered. "But, I don't understand..." "Are you going to let someone you don't know take your virginity? I've heard plenty of stories how freshmen get picked up by the older guys, just because they're new and naive. Easy prey." "Well...I honestly haven't thought about it," I said. "Anne has a point," Beth said. "Do you want your first time to be with just anyone? After all, it's something you will remember for the rest of your life." "Who says I won't meet some nice guy at Uni?" I argued back. "You might, and you might not." "Look," Anne said. "The point we're trying to make is; why don't you consider doing it with Steven? You know each other, you've seen each other naked..." "Have not! We were in our underwear." Anne made a waving motion of her hand, showing she didn't find that a valid argument. "...and you trust each other," she continued. "You trust each other. That's what it's all about, isn't it? Trust. People say they want to wait until they meet someone who they'll trust, who they feel comfortable with and so on. Well, Steven is that person to you, Cathy." Suddenly the front door bell rang. Steven had arrived. "He's here! Get out of here, I'll see you guys tomorrow," I ushered my friends out of my room and towards the main door. The bell rang again, and I opened it. There stood Steven, tall, lean, and ok, I had to admit it, with a far better haircut than at 15. He smiled, and the deep dimples showed. "Hi Cathy! Hi Beth. Hello Anne. How are you girls doing?" "Oh, much better now that you're here," Beth grinned and stood closer to Steven. "Mmm, have you been working out?" She touched his toned biceps. "Eh, yeah, actually I have," Steven said. "Glad you noticed." He smiled. "Of course I'd notice!" Beth said sweetly. "Cathy, on the other hand would never have noticed..." I had had enough of my friends, and shooed them out of the house, in a friendly, but firm, very firm, manner. "Hi there stranger," I said while closing the door. Steven leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I could smell the cologne I had bought him for his birthday. "Hi there, yourself," he said. "Excited about the move?" "Very. It's hard to imagine I will be in New York next week!" "I can imagine," he said and smiled that cute dimpled smile again. "Do you need any help getting your stuff there?" We started to walk up the stairs to my room, and for some reason I felt like he was watching my ass, while walking up. I was probably imagining things, but couldn't get rid of the feeling. It was probably because of Beth's and Anne's talk earlier. I would get back at them later on. We had reached my room, and I sat down on the blue clad bed. My room was a mixture of the stereotypical male- and female teenage room. It was not that spacious, but spacious enough. On the desk was my laptop, along the walls a few bookshelves, and on top of the chest of drawers was my stereo. In one of the corners stood my TV along with the VCR. On the wall I had a poster with Oscar Wilde quotes. I particularly liked the "When people agree with me, I always feel I must be wrong" - quote. "So, how do you really feel about moving from home?" Steven said and sat down on the bed next to me. "C'mon give me the real version, the uncensored one." This was why I loved being with Steven. He was easy to talk to, and we could be honest with each other. We had known each other for about three years, and over that time the friendship had grown. Hopefully it would continue growing. "Well," I said hesitantly. "I'm excited, but it's also quite scary. I mean, I've never lived anywhere but here! Not to mention mom will be alone, and I'll miss my friends." Steven looked at me and grinned mischievously. "You're gonna miss me?" "Of course I will!" I said and hit him with a pillow. "I'll miss you to death!" "Great!" he said and laughed. "But I'd prefer it if you were alive though..." I flung another pillow at him. Turning more serious, Steven took my hand in his, and clasped it gently. His hands were bigger than mine, but not as rough as some guy's. In fact they were soft, and the fingers were long and slender. I had many times nagged him to start playing the piano or guitar. He finally gave in. He chose the guitar, as "chicks dig men who play the guitar". Steven never did become the mean rocker type, but he seemed to have a hidden talent when it came to music. After a year of playing he started to jam with some classmates, and they even played at the prom. "Seriously, though Cathy," Steven said, and suddenly a dark cloud seemed to come over his other so cheerful mood. "I will miss you, you know that, don't you?" For some reason I could feel myself getting warmer. It was something in his tone, I didn't recognize it. Not to mention I could feel his hand clasping harder on my hand. "What are you talking about, Steven?" I said, almost tripping over my words. "Of course I know you'll miss me." "Good, I just really wanted you to know that. Things won't be the same without you around here." "You sound like I'm gonna die," I said and gave a forced laugh. Steven laughed too, but went back to being serious. "So, what will happen with us?" "What about us?" "What will happen to our friendship when you leave?" "Steven, you know I will always love you like a brother," I said and put my hand over his. "Nothing will change, we'll be friends and keep in touch." "What if you meet some other guy?" he asked, averted his eyes. "Some other guy?" "Yeah, some other guy who'll take my place. Either as a best friend, or as a boyfriend." Steven's voice was lower now. "Steven, nobody will take your place," I said, knowing perfectly well how cliché it sounded. "Well, ok, I admit I might meet some guy at some point..." "...and you'll fall in love and all that," he filled in. "That's what I mean by taking my place. As soon as you get a boyfriend things will change. You'll have a new best friend, and he'll probably get jealous at our friendship. Maybe he'll forbid you to hang out with me." "Stop being so damn childish! Ok, so I might get a boyfriend, but he sure as hell won't decide who I should hang out with, or not!" I said fiercely. "Ah, now there's that fighting spirit I love," Steven smiled at me and I smiled back. "Want to see more of it?" I asked, and before he could react the pillow flew at him. "Hey! Just you wait...!" Steven grabbed another pillow and a fully fledged pillow fight had broken lose. # We were sitting down in the kitchen. The small square table was not made for big family dinners. Only four people could fit around it, but it was perfect for mom and me to have breakfast by. Now it was Steven and I sitting there drinking cinnamon and apple tea. "So, not to butt into your private life," I said while taking a sip of my tea, " but what if you get a girlfriend? Would you let her dictate who you meet?" "Never," Steven said. "If I have to choose between you and some girl I've gotten to know in a club, I'll choose you." He took a sip from the big tea cup in his hands. "Geesh, thanks," I snickered. "I come before some tramp you've picked up in a club." "Aww, you know what I mean!" With an exaggerated frown on my face, I pretended to be insulted. "Can't believe I'm only a step above some chick off the streets." "Stop that," Steven said. "No matter who the girl is, she won't tell me who my friends should be." "Ok, but what if she gets jealous at our friendship then?" I persisted. "Well, then I'd have to explain to her." "Explain what?" "That we're only friends. Nothing else." I looked down into my tea mug. "Just friends, eh?" "Not 'just', but best friends." Steven took a deep sip of his tea, and I could see a cloud rising from the cup. "Cathy, you've been there for me since we were kids. You were the one chasing that bully Billy away, you saved me from being bitten by Mr. Henderson's Pitbull, and you helped me through my parent's divorce." "I did, didn't I?" "Yes, you did, and I can't thank you enough." Our eyes met and we smiled at each other. "I'm sure you'll always be there for me Cathy, and I'll be there for you." "Steven," I hesitated. Should I really tell him? "Have your friends ever said anything..." My voice was trailing. "Said what?" "About us. You know, about that they might think we should get together, and such." My heart was beating slightly faster now. I didn't want it to, but it seemed to have a mind of it's own. "Well," now it was Steven's turn to admire his Snoopy tea cup. "Yeah, I guess they've said stuff." "What kind of stuff?" "Well, eh..." Steven was starting to squirm on his chair. "They've asked if we've ever dated." "Oh." "And as we haven't I told them the truth. They can be idiots though, and sometimes tease me." "How do they tease you?" I asked, desperate to find out more. "At times they've asked if we have...you know...," Steve's cheeks were turning red. "You know, if we've... done anything." I was almost too scared to ask. "Ehm, and what did you reply to that?" Now Steven was clearly flustered, and he nervously ran a hand through his hair. "That we've never done anything, of course! I mean, we haven't." He looked up at me. "Why? Did you expect me to say something else?" "Oh no, I just...," I stammered. "I was only wondering what your reply was." Steven looked at me, the redness on his cheeks still there, but not as intense. "Cathy, even if we had done something it would have been none of their business." God, I loved Steven. I knew I could count on him. I put down my tea cup. "Steven, are you a virgin?" What the heck was I saying? How could I even ask him such a thing? I mean, he was my best friend, he would have told me if he had been with anyone, wouldn't he? Or perhaps he wouldn't. That's why I had to ask. Steven looked genuinely surprised at my question. "Whoa! Where did that come from??" Now it was my turn to blush. "Well, eh, I'm guessing you are. I mean... you've never said otherwise, so I'm assuming..., but I guess you can never be sure..." Once again my voice trailed off. He sat there quietly. There was hardly any tea left in his cup, but he wasn't asking for a refill. "You want to know if I've had sex with anyone." It wasn't a question, more of a statement. "Yes," I said meekly, hanging my head in shame. "No." I looked up at him. "No?" "No," he repeated. "I have never had sex." "But, you're 19!" I blurted out. "And I know girls fancy you!" I could see the start of a smile on his face. "You're 19 too," he said. "As far as I know you're still a virgin." He grinned. "Or have you been keeping something away from me?" "No!" I said quickly. "I mean, yes, I'm also a virgin." "See, and I know guys fancy you. We're in the same boat." I gave a meek smile. "You're right, I don't know why I even asked that question. Sorry." "No problem," Steven said. There was an awkward silence. It was Steven who broke it. "They want you to sleep with me, don't they?" he said. I was too bowled over by the question, that at first I had no clue what he was talking about. "What? Who?" "Beth and Anne," he said. "They are trying to talk you into sleeping with me." I just stared at him, not knowing what to say. "They think we should do it, as we 'know and trust each other'," Steven continued. "Am I right?" He tilted his head in and looked at me questioningly. "Yes," I finally admitted. "They've... mentioned it." Now it was Steven's turn to ask me what I had answered. "I told them I haven't given it much thought before," I explained. "I mean, you're my best friend! Not someone I've dated." Steven started to fiddle with his tea cup. "If you had dated me, do you think you would have slept with me?" It's All About Trust What was going on here? Why was he asking these questions? "I might have," I answered carefully. "Depends on how involved we would have been." "Say that we had the type of relationship we have now, but that I was someone you dated." "Then..., then I guess I probably would have slept with you." I swallowed hard. For some reason the temperature in the room seemed to have increased, and my throat was feeling awfully dry. "But, now you wouldn't?" Steven looked me straight in the eyes. "You wouldn't sleep with me now because I'm your best friend, right?" "Eh, yeah," I stammered. "Steven, you're my best friend, and those are hard to find. I don't want to ruin anything." Yeah, that sounded good. Diplomatic and fucking cliché. At least it was better than admitting I had now and then dreamt about him. And we're talking rated 18 dreams. "Of course," was his mute reaction. "Of course we wouldn't want any friendship to be ruined." He went quiet again. Silence. I couldn't stand it. "Steven, you agree with me, don't you?" I said, in an attempt to break the awkward silence. "Of course I wouldn't want anything to go bad between us," Steven said. "But, what if things could continue like before, and still be different?" "What are you getting at?" I asked, getting a bit more suspicious. "Cathy, I've always fancied you." The words poured out. "You're great. You're beautiful and has proven to be the best of friends. Haven't you noticed I've fancied you?" This was getting out of hand. Wringing my hands underneath the table I tried to come up with a reply. "Eh, no I can't say I have," I said. "I thought you always just looked at me like a sister!" "I do!" Steven protested. "But, there have been times when, well, let's just say I forgot that sister part, and plainly saw you as a woman. A very attractive one..." Uh, uh. This was not going the way I had planned. "Can you honestly say you haven't looked at me that way?" Steven's fixed his eyes on mine. I couldn't lie to him. Not to my Steven. Not to those azure blue eyes. "I...I guess I've had a few of those moments too," I said and nervously toyed with the tea spoon. He looked at me, smiled gently and leaned forward across the small table. Reaching out his right hand, Steven touched my left cheek. Caressing it. "Then perhaps Beth and Anne are right," he said. "Perhaps we should do it." I couldn't believe he was saying this. My Steven. He was actually sitting across me saying we should lose our virginity to each other. And why did he have to caress my cheek like that? It was far too distracting. "Steven, I..." "Shhh," he said, putting a finger under my chin, and gently lead my face towards his. All while leaning closer himself. And then I felt his soft lips on mine. # It was strange. Steven was kissing me. His soft lips were on mine, and before I knew it I was reciprocating the kiss. At first I was wondering what the heck I was doing, but pretty soon I realized there was no point fighting it. A small stirring had started in my stomach the moment he touched my face, and now it had grown. My pulse was rising and, though my mind was still confused, my body seemed to do most of the thinking. And they say that only happen to guys. We were still kissing. I had always wondered what it would be like to kiss Steven. Growing up with a male best friend did have the effect of him featuring in many "I wonder if..." contemplation's. I guess that is quite normal, after all, you know each other inside out, and that thing called puberty comes into the picture sooner or later. Hormones start to fly, and of course I had been noticing the changes in him over the years. Both physical, as well as mental. Steven had always been good looking, but as we were such good friends I had found it hard to figure out my feelings. Were they purely friendship related, or something more? Growing up I had asked myself many times if it was worth risking our friendship for a crush. Most of the times the answer had been no. This time it seemed different. Feeling Steven's warm soft lips on mine felt right. Perhaps Beth and Anne had seen something we hadn't earlier. Or perhaps both Steven and I had been too cowardly to admit our feelings for the risk of losing what we already had. "Do you want to go upstairs?" Steven asked. I could feel his lips on my forehead. "Yes." "Are you sure?" I could hear the concern in his voice. I knew he would never make me do anything I did not want to. They were all right; Beth, Anne and Steven. I could trust him. I always had. "Yes, I'm sure," I said clearer. "Let's go upstairs." And we did. # Steven looked a bit nervous. His eyes were flickering, I could see him look me over, but never settling his eyes on any part. It seemed as if he was afraid to. As if he was worried how I'd react if he openly looked at my breast or hips. In a way I could understand him, how many times hadn't I glanced at him from under my fringe? Stolen glances. Forbidden thoughts. We were standing in the middle of my room. My heart rate had increased with amazing speed. I felt like someone was beating an African drum inside my chest. "So...," I said, trying to sound casual. "Here we are." "Yeah, here we are." Steven put his left hand into the jeans pocket. He was shifting his weight from one foot to another, the way he always did when nervous. "How...how shall we do this?" I asked. Steven ran a hand through his hair and clasped the back of his neck. "I don't know." Silence. "Cathy, are we doing the right thing?" Steven suddenly asked. "I mean, what if something goes wrong? What if we're screwing something up?" I put a hand on his shoulder. "Steven, I know this is new to the both of us. But, it feels right. You've made me realize it wouldn't be the wrong thing to do." Steven sat down on the bed, hands clasped together. "I just don't want to push you into anything," he said. "Trust me, I'd love for you to be my first, and I hope you feel the same about me, but..." "But what?" "I'm scared." Steven looked up at me with uncertainty in his eyes. "I know I seemed so self-confident downstairs, but now... Now I'm getting more and more nervous! Heck, I'm not even sure I have any protection with me! It's not as if I planned for this..." "What are you scared of?" Pulling my right leg underneath the left one, I sat down beside him. "Screwing up our friendship. Losing you. Making a fool out of myself. Hurting you, both physically and mentally. All those things." Steven managed a faint smile. "You think I'm an idiot, right?" "No, not at all. I'm equally scared about all those things," I told him. "Not to mention I'm terrified you may not find me attractive when finally seeing me naked!" I gave him a cheeky smile. "Oh yeah, that too!" Steven managed a laughed. The atmosphere was loosening up. I could see him start to relax again. "Oh, and I have protection, by the way," I said, and pulled out my bedside drawer, tossing him a box of condoms. Steven looked down at the small blue box in his hands. "You have condoms?" "Yes, and stop looking so shocked! We live in the 21st Century, girls stock these things too!" We both laughed. "Amazing how many thoughts that are running through my head now," Steven said. "Like what? Apart from the things you've already mentioned?" "Like the whole seeing each other naked thing," Steven chuckled. "Last time I saw you naked was when we were ten. We were in the forest skinny dipping, do you remember?" I smiled at the memory. "How could I forget? Your dad went crazy when he found us alone in the woods, yelling how dangerous it was for two kids to be alone." "Mmm, but we always did that, didn't we? Run away from the adults and did our own thing." "We sure did." "Anyway, so it just hit me that tonight you'll see me for the first time; post-puberty, that is." Steven grinned at me and winked. We both burst out laughing. Ah, how good it felt to laugh out loud. It seemed to break the last bit of the ice. "Now kiss me, stupid," I said. "Who are you calling stupid?" Steven said in a mocking voice. As he leaned in to kiss me, he suddenly stopped only a few inches away from my face. "Cathy?" "Yes?" "What do you want to come out of this?" Now it was my turn to pull away. "What do you mean?" "I know it's not the best timing, but if we're really going to do this, we should talk about these things first." "Ok..." "What happens tomorrow? Will we have spent the night together, just to end up feeling awkward in the morning? Are we after something like a relationship, or is this only a one time event?" The questions were pouring out of Steven. "We need to know. I don't want anyone to get hurt by finding out the other person expected more, or less, than we're prepared to give." Pulling my legs up underneath me I looked at him. He was right. What if one of us expected more? "Umm," I cleared my throat. "I'm leaving for Uni, as you know..." Steven listened attentively. His face was relaxed, yet serious. "I don't want either of us to promise anything we might not be able to keep," I continued. "If we're going through with this, then I don't want any promises to be made. Let's just go with the flow." "And then?" Steven asked. "Then we get on with our lives," I said, and reached out to touch his face. "No promises of a life-long romance. No promises of waiting for each other." "No sunburst marble halls." I couldn't help laughing. "No sunburst marble halls." "Only one of the most important nights in our lives together," Steven smiled. "It's better that way. This way nobody will get hurt, and no promises can be broken." "Fine by me." Steven touched my hand that was still lingering on his cheek. Taking it in his, he kissed the soft palm. # Steven's hand began to roam downwards my neck to the shoulder. With a gentle squeeze he began to lightly massage my shoulder. "Relax," he said. I took a deep breath and made myself relax more. There was no need to be worried. I trusted Steven. At the same time I had a feeling he was equally nervous as me. Steven ran both his hands along the blue cardigan I was wearing. Slowly he unbuttoned the front and eased it off my shoulders. Underneath I was wearing a white short-sleeved top. As my breath turned heavier, I could feel my chest heaving. The fabric strained against my white bra. His fingertips ran along my sides, gracing the contours of my breasts. I looked up at Steven. His eyes were burning with desire and his breathing had also changed. Becoming more daring, his hands drifted to my breasts. He continued to trace his fingers over them, feeling the round shapes. As he neared my nipples, I could feel a stirring within my chest. His fingers reached the fabric over my nipples, and in an instant they reacted and hardened. I wasn't sure if Steven had noticed anything. Suddenly Steven started to softly squeeze my breasts. With his right hand he pressed his palm against my left breast and began a circling motion. "Oh, that's nice," I heard myself groan. "Am I doing it too hard?" he asked. "No, that's fine. I like the pressure." I could feel Steven's other hand playing with my hair. It felt nice, and his lips were on my exposed throat. With small nibbles and gentle licks he worked his way up my throat and neck. I could feel the tip of his tongue finding its way behind my earlobes. "Ooh! That tickles!" I giggled. "It does?" "Yes!" "Then I better continue..." Steven said, and before I knew it I could feel the tip of his tongue tickle the opening of my ear. Carefully he sneaked the tip inside my ear. "Oh!" I exclaimed surprised. Gosh, that felt awfully good. I had no idea why my body reacted with a jolt of enthusiasm when feeling Steven's tongue play with my ear. I had no idea, but I didn't really care either. "Mmm," I murmured and enjoyed the moment. His hand was sliding up my top by now, fingers gliding up my taut stomach and reaching the bra. I could feel his hand moving along the bra straps to my back. His hand began fumbling with the clasp. After a few failed attempts at unclasping the bra, Steven pulled away his hand. "Eh, I can't seem to open it," he said sheepishly. I gave him an amused smile. "Don't worry, I'll do it," I said, and with that I grabbed the end of the top, pulled it over my head and threw it on a chair. With experienced hands I reached behind and unclasped the bra clasp. Steven never stopped looking at me. "Would you like to take it off?" I asked, and gave him a shy glance. Steven reached forward and let the bra straps glide down my arms, fully exposing my naked breasts to him for the first time. Steven couldn't take his eyes off my breasts. "They're not that big..." I said, shyly covering them with my arms. "They're...perfect." I could feel my cheeks turn hot. Steven unshielded my arms and inserted his own underneath my armpits, pulling me closer to him. Hugging me. His cotton shirt creased up against my naked skin. As he held me I could feel his steady heartbeats. "Take off your shirt," I said. "Ok." Steven started to unbutton the shirt, exposing his smooth torso. I had seen him without a shirt plenty of times. Probably more times than he had ever seen me wear a bikini. Still, this was different. As he took the shirt off I noticed how his muscles rippled under the skin. There was no washboard stomach, but when putting my hand on it, I could feel the hardness. "We're halfway there," Steven joked. "You mean it'll all end when we're fully naked?" I teased back. "Nah, that's when the real fun starts..." Steven scooped me up, one hand under my knees and the other on my back. He carried me over to my bed. "Scoot up a bit," he said. "Is this enough?" I was halfway up the bed. "Yes, that's fine." My legs were hanging a bit off the bed, as Steven straddled them. Leaning down over me he started to kiss my stomach. With featherlight kisses he kissed around my belly button, casually sneaking the tip of his tongue in now and then. Moving upwards he began to knead my breast while kissing my upper body. As Steven captured my now hard nipple in his mouth, I let out a gasp. The sucking motion together with the teasing of his tongue, gave a totally new sensation compared to when I played with them myself. Not only did it feel very intimate, but watching him nurture my breast seemed to bring out a strangely warm and fuzzy feeling inside me. "Oww!" I suddenly cried out. Steven had flicked his deliciously wet tongue over the sensitive nipple, and without forewarning, given it a light bite. The light pain registered as a flash going through my brain, but as it dissolved a feeling of satisfaction washed over me. Steven was lying on top of me, stroking my hair, massaging my breasts and manipulating my nipples. I could feel his right leg move in-between mine, parting them. Moving his knee between my legs he began to rub against my crotch. With his thigh and knee he rubbed against me, pushing the jeans fabric harder against my swelling pussy lips. I was becoming increasingly turned on. With new eagerness I began to move my hips to meet his. As we lay there rubbing against each other, I ran my hands over Steven's body. A small shiver went through his body as I raked my nails down his spine. He was grinding faster against me, and I could feel the growing bulge through his jeans. "If you knew how turned on I am right now," Steven said, looking down at me. "I think I can tell..." I smiled back. With anxious hands I reached down for his zipper. I could feel it glide down easily, and with deft fingers I began to tug on his boxers. "Pull them off," Steven said hoarsely. "Lift yourself up a bit," I said, before pulling off his trousers properly. "Oh, my," I gasped. It was the first time I had seen him naked since our skinny dipping episode at the age of ten. And boy had he changed. "Is it ok?" Steven asked, face red like a beetroot. "I mean, does it look ok? Uhm, I mean..." "It's great," I smiled at him. "It's beautiful." "Uhm, eh...thanks!" Steven seemed relieved. "I guess it's my turn then," I said and started to pull down my jeans. Steven grabbed hold of the legs and helped me. We were lying on my bed naked. Seeing each other for the first time. Perhaps even the last. None of us dared saying anything. It was as if the moment had frozen, and we had no clue how to unfreeze it. "May I...look at it?" I carefully asked. Looking back it seems a silly question to ask, but at the time it felt perfectly natural. After all, I had never seen a penis before, at least not in close-up. "Um, sure." Now it was Steven's turn to lie down. He prodded himself up on some pillows and tried to look calm and confident. His flickering eyes gave him away. "It looks so...big," I said, while examining his hardon. "It's not really that big, probably about average." "Well, to me it looks quite big." Looking at Steven's dick from all possible angles, I was amazed at the shape. Bulbous head and quite thick. Not that long, but the thickness made it look big. From the tip there was a clear thin liquid leaking out. "May I touch it?" I asked. "Go ahead." And with trembling hands I reached for Steven's dick. Feeling awfully pathetic and childish, I started to poke it. Well, what did you expect me to do? It was all new to me! "Poking won't do it much good," Steven said, now with a hint of amusement in his voice. "Touch it properly. Hold it. Caress it. Grab it. Play with it." "What if I grab too hard?" "Don't worry, it won't break," Steven grinned. "At least I hope not!" Carefully, as if it was made out of porcelain, I grabbed Steven's dick. Once again I was amazed at the warmth it exuded. Weighing it in my hand I was also surprised at how heavy it felt. "Move your hand up and down," Steven instructed me. I took a more firm grip on his hard member and began to move my hand up and down the shaft. As I watched the foreskin withdraw from the head, exposing it fully, I could see a new clear drop of liquid seeping out from the tip. "That's it," Steven said, his breathing becoming more labored. "Move your hand up and down like that. Perhaps make the grip a bit tighter, it won't hurt." After a while I was starting to get the hang of it. With a tight grip around Steven's dick I pumped him in a rhythmic fashion. Using the precum as lubrication, my hand was sliding easily up and down his rock hard shaft. "I'm...I'm....I'm gonna cum if you keep that up!" Steven gasped. "Should I stop?" I asked, pausing my administrations momentarily. "No, it feels too damn good," he replied. So I kept it up. It didn't take long for Steven to cum. He later told me, that having someone else's fingers wrapped around his dick was more than enough to get him off. It was the newness, the unfamiliarity that had turned him on. Someone else's hand was touching him. A woman was touching him. As Steven suddenly gave up a loud groan, his hips began to jerk and he came. Lifting his body off the bed, the weight on his hands, he tensed up. It wasn't as much as you'd see in porn movies, but it wasn't little either. The white cum squirted up into the air and landed on my hand and arm. Even the cum that ran down the shaft felt warm as it reached my hand. "Ooh, God..." Steven groaned, and gave a loud sigh, his body relaxing and falling back onto the pillows. "Wow!" I exclaimed. "I've never seen a guy cum before. That was... intense." "Get over here," Steven said, and motioned me to him. I dried my hand on the bed sheets, and lay down beside him. He put his arms around my shoulders and kissed me. It's All About Trust "That was wonderful. Thanks." "You're welcome." He playfully rubbed his nose against mine before planting a soft kiss on my lips. "Now it's my turn to go exploring." And with that Steven moved down the bed until he was lying with his feet off it. His eyes sparkled as he faced my pussy. Running his hands along my inner thighs, I could feel myself getting wetter. Steven had been right, it was the anticipation that was the biggest turn on. Knowing that something was going to happen, but not fully sure in what ordered. Steven ran his fingers through my sparse pussy hair. The hairstrands were thicker and darker than my normally fine blonde hair. For a few seconds Steven seemed utterly fascinated by the ringlets of hair covering my mound. Then he gently slipped a finger between my folds and I could feel it pressing against my wetness. Finding my opening he slid the finger into me. The invasion was expected, but nevertheless surprising. By instinct I tensed up, clasping my muscles on the intruding finger. This did not stop Steven. Slowly he began to move the finger in and out. With my muscles still clasping down on the finger, I realized this only heightened the sensation. "Mmmm," I murmured, and threw my head backwards. "Shall I add another finger?" Steven asked. "Yes, do that." I said in-between moans. Steven inserted another finger and began a pumping motion. As I was quite sure I had already lost my hymen while doing sports, there was no pain. Only the exquisite feeling of being filled up. I can imagine being a virgin and still tight helped add to the feeling of being filled up, even though Steven only used two fingers. "Does it feel good?" Steven asked. "Oh yes," I moaned. "It feels great. Your fingers feel great!" Curious to explore more of my body, Steven pushed my legs further apart and opened me up with his hand. Holding my pussy lips apart, he watched his fingers plummeting in and out of me. Bringing his fingers up and down the wet slit he teased me, making me want more, before once again sliding his fingers into my wet pussy. For a few minutes all you could hear in the room was the wet sound of Steven's fingers moving inside of me, together with my irregular breathing. "Are you ready?" Steven whispers. "Uh huh, I think so." I certainly hoped so. Steven pulled out his fingers and began to lubricate my whole pussy with my own juices. As he brushed by my clit, I jumped. "Let me just make sure you're really ready," he said, and began to massage my clit. Pushing the outer lips slightly together and up against the clit made for a wonderful friction. With the clit not fully exposed, he dared to add more pressure, and as the pressure and circular motion increased, the more I began to see stars. "Steven," I gasped. "I think you can put it in now..." I spread my legs as much as I could to make it easier for him. Small droplets of sweat were forming on Steven's forehead and his eyes had a nervous flicker in them as he put on the condom. Carefully, as if he thought I would break, he parted my legs just a little bit more and moved in-between them. "Are you ok?" he asked. I nodded. With a fumbling motion I could see him grab his hard dick in his hands and placing it by my entrance. Holding the shaft with one hand Steven began to push into my folds. I could feel the outer lips parting, and then I could feel the head, the thick rounded head, push into me. The first push got half of the head in. It felt strange. Something was invading my body for the first time. It didn't exactly feel bad, but I wasn't sure if it was good either. My hips moved a bit. Steven stopped instantly. "Does it hurt?" he asked with a worried expression on his face. "If it hurts, perhaps we shouldn't continue..." "Sshhh," I said. "It doesn't hurt, it just feels... different. I'll get used to it." "You sure?" "Yes." I gave him a reassuring smile. "Continue." Once again Steven began to push into me, this time even slower than before. I could feel the head passing the entrance and my slick juices began to ease the penetration. Slowly he filled me up until there was nothing more to fill me with. We lay there for a while. Steven on top of me. Holding me. Me, getting used to being filled by a man. And then he pushed himself up on his hands again and slowly began to ease out of me. That was a bit of a surprise. It felt nice, feeling him glide out of me, almost all the way out. And then he went right back in. At first Steven was careful not to thrust too hard, but I could tell he had to restrain himself. The droplets of sweat on his forehead had doubled, and I could tell that he was trying to control himself not to thrust too hard or fast. "Does it feel good?" I asked him. "Mmm...yeah." "What does it feel like?" Steven was beginning to thrust a bit faster, but went back to the slow pace when he realized his speed had changed. "It feels a bit numb. It's the condom's fault. Try squeezing me." He looked down at me. "How is it for you?" "It's...nice." "Nice?" "Yeah, but I wouldn't mind if you did it a bit...faster." Steven wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. "You want it faster? Are you sure it won't hurt?" His hips were beginning to move faster. I could feel his thrusts increasing. "Oooh!" I suddenly gasped, as I felt his dickhead against my cervix. "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry! That must have hurt!" "No, no, I...it's ok. Just the wrong angle, don't worry. But it felt kinda good too..." "It did?" I smiled at Steven. "Yes, I liked it when you moved faster." "Your wish is my command," Steven gave me a relieved smile before increasing the pace again, this time thrusting much harder than before. As Steven was thrusting eagerly into me I tried to meet his efforts by eagerly grinding my hips against him, meeting his thrusts. Now and then I would change the direction of my grinding, and at those instances I would hear a muffled groan from Steven. For the it being our first time, it wasn't too bad. I had to admit Steven seemed to enjoy it a bit more than I did, but that's probably how it is for guys. After dreaming of entering a tight pussy, and then actually doing it... I guess for a bloke that's quite an intense thing. And how did I feel then? It was hard to explain. The penetration itself had felt good. There had been a tiny bit of pain, but it was gone within seconds. Then as I felt Steven fully enter me, it took a while to adjust. It wasn't until he started to move in and out that I started to actually feel anything. As Steven's hips began to mash against my pussy, his hard dick pistoning into me, I found that my breathing turned heavier again. Irregular. As Steven pounded into me, I gasped every time the force of his thrust raised my ass off the bed. Every time he pulled out to rub that wonderful dick of his all over my folds, I moaned. When he put the thick head to my opening and pushed it back in, my toes curled and only a deep sigh managed to pass my lips. At one point I looked down and saw my nipples standing at attention. I pinched them lightly and began to roll them between my fingers. On an impulse I put my index finger into my mouth. Wetting it with my tongue and sucking on it for a bit, I then touched my nipple again, this time with my wet fingers. The nipple reacted instantly to the lubrication and became harder. I flicked my lubricated finger over the dark nipple. This seemed to turn Steven on even more, his thrusts getting cruder by the minute. I was having a hard time keeping up with him. "Fuck, I think I'm gonna cum!" Steven gave up a loud moan and began long hard thrusts into me. Nobody had prepared me for this; how it would be to have a guy cum inside you. Before I knew it Steven was thrusting hard into me, lifting my lower body off the bed, grinding into me as much as he possibly could. And then he froze. And came. "Umggphhhh!" Watching a guy cum must be both one of the most hilarious things, as well as the sexiest. I could see Steven's face scrunch together into a grimace, only to change in a few seconds time. Over the seconds his orgasm lasted his face expressions must have changed at least five times. Then his body lost its tenseness and his face changed one last time. It wasn't scrunched up anymore, instead it had turned smooth and looked calm and serene. Satisfied. And then I felt his arms giving in, and his body weight falling on top of me. # That had been three years ago. By now I had graduated and was ready to throw myself into the real world. In the distance I could see mom's little red van coming around the corner to the bus station. She was in the driver's seat and in the back I could see Anne and Beth. There was someone sitting next to mom too. Steven. The car stopped by the parking lot and I began to walk towards it. The warm summer wind was blowing and making a mess of my hair, but I didn't pay it much attention. "Cathy!" Mom ran towards me and gave me a huge hug. "Oh, how wonderful to have you back home!" "Great to be home, mom." "Cathy!" Anne and Beth threw their arms around me. "We've missed so you, and sorry about not coming to your graduation," Beth said. "We really wanted to, but it clashed with ours." I smiled at them. "I know, and I'm sorry I couldn't come to yours. We're even now!" How great it was to see them all again! "Got a spare hug?" I turned around and there was Steven. Slightly taller than I remembered and with shorter hair. The smile was the same though, it still had a calming effect on me, and seeing him again was better than perfect. During my University years both Beth and Anne had come to visit quite a few times, but Steven hadn't been able to. He did visit a couple of times the first year, but then he got busy with his own studies. We kept in touch by phone and email though, so we both knew of each other's lives; the exam results, the parties, the friends and who we had dated. We had even now and then joked about our first time together, asking the other if the new partners were equally memorable. "There is always a hug reserved for you," I said, and embraced Steven. "Great to have you back," he whispered into my ear. "Great to be back." "So, shall we see if you've learnt anything after all those boyfriends?" I pulled back and looked at him. "Why, you...!" Thanks for reading and as usual feedback is greatly appreciated. Don't forget to vote. :-) /LP