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Making Changes

By: komrad1156



Note to readers. This story deals with a fetish which revolves around attractive women who smoke. Now before you go off half cocked claiming that's something no one is in to, do a simple search of the topic before you opine. There are many sites dedicated to this fetish and although smoking has become taboo in America as well as in other countries, the fetish is still very much alive and well. 

Further, if you've lost someone to lung cancer or emphysema, please don't bother commenting as a way to express your disapproval as it will have zero effect. Here's why: from the moment life begins, it comes with a death sentence. There are no exceptions. What we do in the interim is a matter of personal choice and as long as no one is forcing us to do something, then it's no one else's business what we do. People engage in risky behaviors every day. Young people die base jumping and scuba diving all the time. They drive too fast, drink too much, and die too young. Death is a part of life. So if you have a real hard on with smoking, please do us both a favor and read someone else's story more to your liking. That too, is a choice you're free to make.

In addition to smoking, this story also addresses the topics of threesomes, mild discipline, and cuckolding, both of which are also very popular sexual themes.

This story is based on my own actual experiences with my wife who did indeed start smoking later in her late 20s. For that matter, all of the stories I've written with the exception of Love Free or Die, are based on things which I've personally done or experienced to include my involvement with two different religious denominations and two affairs with older, married women my senior year in high school. The characters I write about are people I know—all of whom are still very much alive—so I've given nearly all of them different names for obvious reasons. I've left smoking out of all of them until now, but it was an integral part in several of them. 

If smoking is offensive to you, this won't be your cup of tea. If however, you are an admirer of beautiful women who smoke, I believe you may well enjoy reading it.

*****

Chapter 1

I sat down all both boxes of party decorations and slipped the key Joan lent me into the lock on her front door. As I turned it, the door opened and there stood the birthday girl herself.

"Well, this is awkward!" I said. "Someone isn't supposed to be here right now."

"Oh, my goodness. I am SO sorry! I traded days with Tamara so I could go to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned and take my car to the shop." Kate looked outside and saw everything I'd laid on the porch. "I don't suppose it would help if I agreed to pretend I never saw you, would it?" she teased.

Like Joan, Kate was raised in South Carolina, but had just the slightest southern accent. It wasn't thick the way Joan's was. I'd been dating Joan for about a year and her heavy twang was something I found very off-putting most of the time. Kate's was just barely noticeable and I found it charming. "It couldn't hurt," I said as optimistically as I could. "Joan can be rather unforgiving when it comes to having her plans spoiled." I saw the look on Kate's face then said, "Sorry. I didn't mean it that way."

Before I could continue, Kate said, "It's okay. I understand. We've been roommates for almost two months and well, that's probably all I should say." Kate looked back outside and offered to help me bring everything in. I accepted her offer and we picked up everything and sat it on the dining room table.

"Um, so...can I help you set things up for my 'surprise' birthday party?" Kate asked sheepishly. "I really am so sorry. You said it exactly right when you said this was awkward. This is all Joan's idea, isn't it?"

"I'm afraid it is, Kate. And heaven help me if I don't have it all ready by the time she gets home this evening."

"We've got several hours so if you don't mind me helping, we should be able to get everything done by then. Would that be too weird if I help you?" Kate asked.

I couldn't help but laugh. "You know what? I don't think things could get any more weird around here so, sure, I'd really appreciate your help." I grabbed the Happy Birthday banner then asked, "Are you sure you can pull off a look of genuine surprise later on, though?"

Kate laughed, too. "I'm not sure, but I'll give it my best shot."

We found the perfect place for the banner and then started either hanging everything else up or putting it where it needed to go. At one point, I realized I was staring at Kate. "Is everything okay?" she asked.

I snapped out of it and told her, "Oh, sure. I was just trying to think of the name of this woman you look like. It wouldn't come to me at first and then I remembered the show I saw her on called Life as We Know It. Her name is Marguerite Moreau. Do you know who she is?"

"Oh, right! She played a high school teacher who had a fling with one of her students on a show that only lasted a year. She's very pretty. You think I look like her? Really?"

"I do. A lot. She is pretty but I have to tell you, you're a lot cuter than she is. For what it's worth, my mom thinks Marguerite looks like Karen Valentine. I had to Google the name but I found her. She was on a show back in the '70s called Room 222. You're a nicer combination of both."

I was surprised when Kate blushed. "Oh, my gosh. That's just crazy!" Kate busied herself to avoid making eye contact.

"I take it no one's ever told you that before."

"Hardly! I've been in a bad marriage for so long getting a compliment of any kind would have been a major event; being told I'm prettier than two gorgeous actresses would never happen." Kate was clearly very flustered which wasn't my intent.

"I didn't mean to say anything to remind you of your marriage. I only meant it in the nicest way. I'm sorry if I..."

"It's okay. Really," Kate said cutting me off in mid-sentence. "I'm just not used to hearing nice things." She shuffled some things around then said quietly, "Especially not from guys who are as cute as you." She still hadn't looked at me. She waited for a moment then said, "Okay, so let me tell you who I think you look like. Do you wanna take a guess first?"

I laughed. "I've been told quite a few times I look like one of two guys on TV. Sometimes they tell me I look like the Joey character on Friends but most of the time I hear Dean Cain. You know, Superman." I struck a pose with my hands on my hips and turned my jaw up high.

Kate finally turned around and saw me acting the fool. She smiled then threw her hands up and said, "Oh, my goodness! I totally see that. Dean Cain I mean. Oh! I just remembered the actor on that show you mentioned. Sean Farris. That was the guy who played Dino. He's the guy I was thinking of that you look like to me. But I think Dean Cain is a better fit." 

I thanked Kate for the kind words but wanted to change the subject. I just wasn't comfortable with compliments and I probably never would be. "I wasn't sure I should even stop by today other than to drop off all of the party stuff," I said. "I mean, after last night I'm probably persona non grata around here." 

Kate still hadn't looked at me but it seemed like the fire in her cheeks had died out again. Finally she said rather timidly, "I was wondering what happened. Joan was really in a snit when she came home. I wanted to ask what was wrong but I decided not to ask as it was none of my business so... I'm sorry. Let's just finish this up so I can get out of here and come back later and be surprised, shall we?"

"Joan told you, didn't she?" I said. "May I ask exactly what it was she said? I mean, if you don't mind me asking, that is."

"Oh, boy. I've really done it now," Kate said as though she regretted even mentioning last night. She finally turned to look at me and the look on her face indicated she was worried. "If Joan finds out I talked to you about this..." Kate said. "I mean, she was just so angry! I could tell she wanted to talk so I just let her know I was there for her in case she wanted to. After a lot of ranting and fussing, she decided to share some of what happened with you guys. So please don't blame her. This is all my fault, Cal."

I smiled and shook my head. "No, it isn't your fault, Kate. You're not the one who did the talking. You were the good friend who was there for her when she needed a sympathetic ear. None of this is your fault. In fact, it's no one's 'fault.' It's just two people who seem to have come to the realization this relationship isn't meant to be."

Kate didn't look surprised so obviously she at least knew the gist of last night's conversation-gone-awry. "I'm so sorry to hear you say that. You two seemed like the perfect couple to me. And you love her son, Caleb, like he's your own. I just thought...I mean, it seemed like things were going great for you two. Didn't you guys recently talk about getting married?" Kate put her hands over her mouth as her eyes opened wide. "Oh, my goodness. What is wrong with me today? I can't seem to mind my own business." 

I stopped her and said, "Again, that's on Joan. She's the only one who knew we'd discussed the possibility of getting married and if she confided in you then knowing it isn't some kind of sin or anything. The truth is, we did discuss marriage and things did seem to be going reasonably well until last night." After hesitating for a moment I added, "I say reasonably well because, well...Joan isn't exactly the easiest person to please or even get along with and I dropped a real bombshell on her last night."

Kate nodded and said, "I hate to agree with you because she's been so kind by opening her home to me like this, but believe me, I know what you mean." She finished with the last of the decorations and said, "You know it seems like you could really use a friend right now yourself. If you want to talk about this, I'm happy to listen." She paused then said, "It's one of my best traits, you know. Listening, that is."

I grabbed the two empty boxes then told her, "Thank you, Kate. You really are a good friend. I don't know you all that well, but from the couple of very brief times we've talked, I have to agree. You most definitely are a good listener and frankly, I find it hard to believe your husband couldn't see all of the good qualities you have. I know your divorce isn't final yet, but trust me, you won't have any problem finding a really great guy who will appreciate those qualities once it is. Besides, I really meant what I said. You're a very attractive young woman and my money's on you not lasting six months on the open market before Mr. Right comes along and snatches you up."

Kate's cheeks glowed again as she turned away from me to find something else to pretend to be doing even though there was nothing left to do. "Listen to you!" Kate exclaimed. "Calling me a young woman! You may not have heard I'm turning twenty-nine—the real twenty-nine—today and after the hell I've been through in my marriage, I don't feel very young. I mean, I'm living here with another divorcee after finally getting up the nerve to leave, Andy, my soon-to-be ex-husband of nine years. He's an angry, abusive alcoholic, my car has major problems, and I'm barely able to pay my bills even working full-time." Kate looked sad and yet she still managed to smile. "So I don't feel either young or pretty but thank you for saying that just the same, Cal. It means a lot coming from a guy who really is young and...well...someone who really is very good looking. And while I'm saying everything else wrong I may as well add this. If Joan doesn't see what a great guy you are and if she can't put last night aside, then she doesn't deserve you."

I carried the empty cardboard boxes toward the front door. Kate opened it for me so I could get through and take the boxes out to my car. As I passed her I told her, "My age is another sticking point with Joan—among many other things. For some reason, the thought of marrying a guy who's three and a half years younger than her really bothers her. She said, I'll be twenty-five years old while you're still just twenty-one and I'm not sure I can handle that."

Kate followed me outside. "Seriously? You can't be serious! SHE can't be serious. I'm almost 30...okay, twenty-nine, but not technically until 8:47pm this evening...but I would LOVE to find a good, decent man who was three or even four years younger than me." I opened the trunk and put the boxes inside then shut it tight. "Especially if he was smart, funny, caring, loved my son, and was...really cute." Kate's voice trailed off as she said that and when I turned toward her and my eyes met hers she immediately looked away.

I didn't respond but to what Kate said but I did thank her for her help. "Did you need to grab anything before we go?" I asked.

"Just my purse and sweater. It's starting to get chilly. I'll be right back."

"Wait a second," I said. "Where did you say your car was? I just noticed it isn't here. That's why I was so surprised you were here."

Kate stopped and turned around as she said, "I got my mamma to drop me off. I had my car taken in because the engine is making a noise and the guy said I need an oil change, too. It's been over a year and I'm just hoping it something serious because I don't have the money for it."

"A year? Oh, my goodness, Kate. No wonder your car has problems. Your engine's gonna be nothing but sludge. Didn't that sorry lout of a husband do anything around the house?" I saw the smile fade from her face as I realized what I'd said. "Oh, man. That was not how I meant that. I'm so sor..."

"It's okay," Kate said. "It's the truth. He didn't do much of anything except drink, spend all the money I made, and...throw me around..." Kate stopped talking and said, "I'll be right back out, okay?"

In less than a minute we were on the way to my place which was less than five minutes from where she currently lived with Joan. Kate went to get out and I said, "No, ma'am. Not in my car. Ladies don't open their doors. Please wait right there." Kate wasn't used to be treated nicely and she was thrilled to have something so basic done for her. I thought she was going to hug me when I took her hand and helped her out of the car but she just smiled that gorgeous smile of hers and thanked me for being such a gentleman.

"Come on in," I said as I unlocked the door and opened it for her.

She stepped past me, took a quick look around and said, "Oh, my!" she said. "I can tell a bachelor lives here!" Another look of horror followed by, "Ugh! What is wrong with me! I just meant that it's very um...spartan. It's actually quite clean." She quickly added, "And nice!"

I sat my car keys on the coffee table and said, "No worries! That's my only real goal. Clean and functional. It definitely isn't nice but thank you anyway. I'm hopeful that some day I'll have a wife who'll be able to take care of the decorating and what not because that's just not something I'm good at. For now, I just make sure to keep things picked up and put away."

"Well, you've certainly managed to do that," Kate said cheerfully. "So how much longer do you have before you get out?" she asked me.

"Seventy-eight days," I said. "If I were counting." That was a common phrase for short-timers like me. Marines who were close to their EAS (expiration of active service) and who were due to be discharged in the near future.

"So what will you do when you go back home? You're from Seattle, right?" Kate asked.

"Near there but I always just say Seattle because no one's heard of all the little nearby towns with Indian names like Puyallup, Enumclaw, or Snohomish. I'm going to go to the University of Washington and plan on majoring in engineering," I replied. "But for the first year I'm going to a community college in a town called Auburn to take a bunch of the prerequisites in math and science in a setting with smaller class sizes."

"Engineering? I knew you were smart but that's impressive. What do you plan to do once you get your degree?" she inquired earnestly.

"I'm still not sure. I've always loved aviation so my plan—for now at least—is to get a dual degree in aerospace and mechanical engineering and then try to work for a company like Boeing or maybe McDonnell-Douglas. Can I get you something to drink, Kate?" I asked.

"Yes, please. I'd love some iced tea if..." She stopped dead in her tracks.

"Oh, my goodness! I am SO, so sorry! That's just such an engrained habit. My apologies. I know Mormons don't drink tea and I don't either anymore. I mean, since I'm planning on joining the Church once I finish all of the discussions with the missionaries. Maybe just some water?"

"Again, no need to apologize. I don't think drinking a glass of iced tea—or as you southern belles say—'sweet tea'—is a capital offense or anything."

I handed her a glass of water and Kate said, "That kind of surprises me, Cal. Don't you think the Word of Wisdom is really important?" 

*"The Word of Wisdom" is an umbrella term members of the LDS or Latter-day Saints (Mormon) Church used to describe their complete abstinence from alcohol, tobacco in any form, coffee, and tea. Colas and chocolate also contain caffeine, but they aren't prohibited. The others are strictly taboo and any use of them disqualifies a church member from being able to go to the Mormon Temple. If one can't go to the Temple, one can't be married for "all time and eternity" and therefore cannot be exalted which means to become a God or Goddess in the next life. Mormons believe that God, whom they call "Heavenly Father", was once a mortal man like us who "lived worthily", married a good Mormon woman in a temple on his earth, and who then become our God and our Heavenly Father and so on for eternity past. Jesus is our "elder brother" and a god, but not Heavenly Father. He was just the firstborn spirit of Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother in the pre-existence from whence we all can. We can likewise do the same and become Gods and Goddess "creating worlds without end" if we "live faithfully and endure to the end." A huge part of that is obeying the Word of Wisdom—in full.

"I can certainly see the appeal of life without alcohol after all you've been through, Kate. It's none of my business, but if I understood you earlier, you put up with things no woman should ever have to endure. Sadly, it seems like far too many women do put up with it. None of them should have to—especially one as attractive and as nice as you. Okay, that didn't come out right. It makes no difference what a woman looks like. No one deserves to be abused."

Kate didn't blush this time, but I was pretty sure I saw her tear up. Just as she'd done when she'd blushed, Kate quickly turned away. She grabbed a chair and sat down facing away from me. The she said quietly, "Thank you. That means so much to me and your comment about looks not mattering...that's not something most guys would say. As to me, I definitely don't feel pretty or even...wanted. I just feel..."

I sat my glass down, stood up, and walked over to her. I pulled a chair next to hers and said, "Kate. I can't imagine what you've been through and I would never ask. But you really are a wonderful person and unless you need glasses really, really badly, you can't possibly not see how beautiful you are." I waited for her to look up and me then said, "Joan is a very nice looking girl, but she's not even in your league. You, my dear, are what we young'uns call a hottie."

Kate looked up and this time I did indeed see a tear fall from her eye followed by a brave attempt to smile. I reached out and wiped away the tear with the back side of my finger. "If only you were available. Well, and if only I was five years younger," she added.

I reached out and took her hand and said, "Kate. If I were available, I would ask you out in a minute. And for the record, I wouldn't want you to be one day younger. I probably shouldn't mention this but since it's true..." I paused and noticed she was looking directly into my eyes now. "Among many other things, I have a huge thing for older women. Not just 3-4 years older but well...let me just say that you're exactly the kind of woman I would be searching for if I wasn't dating Joan." I paused again then said, "And after last night, that may not be for much longer."


Making Changes



Kate looked into my eyes again and said sincerely, "You never did finish so if you want to talk about it, I really do listen well. I don't judge and I never talk out of school."

I let go of her hand and sat up straight in my chair. "I would like nothing more than to do just that, Kate. But I probably shouldn't. I really don't want to be a negative influence on you with you getting ready to join the Church ("the Church" was another ubiquitous phrase Mormons used when referring to their denomination) and everything."

"I believe I'm...old enough...thank you very much...to handle anything you might say. And for all you or I know, you might say something that does affect me but it might just turn out to be for the best regardless of which way it affects me. So please, talk to me, okay?" Her eyes were dry now and I was taken with just how blue they were. They were bright and even brilliant than I remembered. She really was a very attractive woman and I realized the only way someone this good looking could be single was either by choice or because something had happened to shatter her self esteem. Kate could have pretty much any guy she wanted if looks were all that mattered. But she was also genuinely kind and caring, as well. Something was dreadfully wrong.

"All right. But I won't bore you with the details of a conversation that lasted over three very long, often heated hours. Here's the gist of it. Joan was extremely unhappy with something I said. As you know, she's been a member of the Church her whole life. I've only been one for about six years and I only really joined because my best friend's family from high school befriended me. My own parents are decent people, they just didn't talk much and his family took such a personal interest in me. Oh, and I was also very interested in a particular Mormon girl whose name was Karen. Shen was a grade ahead of me and a year and a half older and the youngest girl I ever dated. She was very um...aggressive and was the one who kept pushing me to do more with her. On the way home from our first date she asked me if I wanted to 'parking.' Within a month, I lost my virginity to her and that was my first experience with LDS girls." I smiled as I said that, but I couldn't help but notice Kate wasn't. She was listening with genuine interest.

"Really? I guess I shouldn't be so naive but that is just fascinating to me. Acutally, all of this is very interesting so please go on," she urged.

"Well, I'm not sure I ever truly believed in most of this stuff. You know, the doctrines of the Church and all that. In fact, I'm really beginning to question whether or not I believe any of it." I looked at Kate and said, "Are you sure you want me to talk about this with you?"

"Yes. Absolutely! I want to hear all of this because I still have SO many unanswered questions myself." She hesitated then said, "And please know this will all be kept in the strictest of confidences. I'm not Joan, Cal, and I won't say one word to her—or anyone else—about anything you say."

"Thank you for that, Kate. I'll be leaving South Carolina in a couple of months, and while I don't want to burn any bridges or make any enemies, I have to be true to myself, first."

"I totally agree," Kate said. "So what is it that got Joan so upset last night? I remember her saying something about a disgusting habit or a fetish of some kind. Something to do with violating the Word of Wisdom. She was so upset about it I didn't bother to ask any specific questions."

"Oh, that. Okay. Well, this all started when we got back on the topic of marriage. Things were going great at first. She asked me what love meant to me and how I saw men and women in a relationship—specifically in marriage. That was a hint because she wanted to be able to dress me up the way she did Mike. You obviously know Joan was married before and by now, you probably know how she loved to have him look a certain way for her. You know, she'd buy clothes for him so he'd look like some kind of stylish, sophisticated guy—preppy, in my humble opinion—with the dressy sweaters, the monogrammed, button-down shirts with cuff links, the braces rather than belts, razor haircuts, manicures, and all that stuff."

It was heartening to see Kate smile. "I do know about that. She said that's hugely important for her and that any future husband would have to be okay with dressing—sharply. That was the word she used for it. Sharply. It's so important she said it's a 'deal-breaker issue' for her. I have to admit I actually kind of like the preppy look in a guy but that's not the issue. Then again, I also go for the 'bad-boy' look with the tattoos and the long hair, the motorcycle and the whole package."

"Wow, I can't imagine you like that all. You're full of surprises, Miss Kate. Well anyway, I finally told her that I've also had a thing—a huge thing—for women who dress a particular way for as long as I could remember. She asked me 'what way' and when I told her how I felt, she was completely okay with that. I'm sure she thinking that as long as I can him to dress 'successfully' I can go along with his desires to some extent."

Kate stopped me and asked, "So how do you want your future wife to dress, if you don't mind me asking?" 

"I don't mind at all. In fact, you can ask my anything about anything."

Kate smiled and said, "You are so amazing! I can't believe a guy your age can be this open and so willing to talk so freely. It's rare for any man to want to talk about anything but sports or cars or beer or...sex...and getting them to pay attention to what you say is hopeless. This is just so...refreshing." She paused then added, "And I hope you know you can ask me anything, as well."

"Thank you, Kate, and by the way, 'm enjoying talking with you a lot, too," I told her honestly. "Okay, so my thing is this. I like sweaters. A lot. But not just any kind of sweaters. I like the dressy, form-fitting variety and if they're ribbed, that's a huge plus. In fact, sweaters might not be the right word. I like most dressy-looking knit tops whether they be sweaters or not. The ribbed looked gets extra points."

Kate nodded. "So not the stereotypical ugly Christmas sweater or the big bulky thing a fisherman would wear, right?"

"Right! That's exactly what I mean. Don't get me wrong. I like a lot of other things, too. But I would definitely be looking for a woman who wants and who likes to wear those things. I wouldn't even bother trying to convince a woman to do that—or anything else for that matter—that she didn't want to do. I want to find a woman who already does what I like on her own rather than me trying to persuade her to become someone she doesn't really want to be. One of the 'benefits' of living in the Northwest is that it's cold eight or nine months of the year so there are a lot of women who wear what I like all the time anyway. Down South, that's just not the case as it hot as all get out 7-8 months of the year. And humid." I paused then asked, "Does that make any sense?"

"Of course it does," Kate said. "I doubt there are very many men who don't have a 'thing' for something when it comes to women and how they look. You know, lingerie or high heels or...big butts..." Kate and I both laughed out loud at that one.

"Too true!" said while chuckling. "But a big butt is most definitely not my thing! I'm more of a boob man." I realized I was staring at hers as I said that and when I realized that she realized that I was aware...well, let's just say I was a little embarrassed. "Sorry!" I said. "I know your eyes are 'up there' and my apologies for looking 'down there'..."

"Oh, stop!" she said. "I'm actually flattered. But to tell the truth, I've always been a little bit self-conscious about how small I am so..."

"Small? Now you stop!" I said. "I can assure you yours are absolutely perfect." I smiled then said, "It's not that I was staring staring or anything. But in the um...very brief time that my eyes may have lingered there...I couldn't help but notice you're about a full B. Am I close?"

Kate feigned embarrassment and said, "Why, you are not only close but spot on. I am indeed a full B." She waited for a moment then said, "Not exactly what a man who loves his girl in sweaters is looking for though, huh?"

"You couldn't be more wrong," I said politely correcting her. "Now that know I can trust you, I'll tell you that Joan IS too small. I mean, I wouldn't not marry a woman because of her cup size. I'm just being honest about how I feel. She's very cute but she's got the body of a great student—all A's. Sorry. I hope that didn't sound mean." Kate laughed and shook her head telling me it wasn't. I continued by saying, "An 'A' is too small and a 'D' is too big." Kate looked surprised and I was pretty sure why so I said, "There really is such a thing as too big, Kate, and 'D's' or larger don't appeal to me. I can't speak for other guys, but I do have an upper limit, as it were. " Kate laughed and it was nice to see her relaxed and enjoying herself. "So my preference is for the B to C look and you are definitely of the Goldilocks variety in that category—just right."

Kate's face seemed so different. It seemed...happy. I couldn't remember seeing that before.

"Well thank you—again. I haven't been told I'm pretty or that my...girls...are perfect in...in...well, never."

"That's not just unfortunate, Kate. That's unconscionable. You should be told how beautiful you are every single day because...you are."

There was a rather long lull in the conversation before Kate said, "So you like rib-knit tops that hug a girl's figure. That's not so strange, especially in a cold climate. It's definitely not weird, that's for sure. That can't be what got Joan so all-fired angry. What else? What was it that got her so bent out of shape?"

"Well, as you might expect, I like what every man likes...a lot."

"Sex?" Kate asked with a smile.

"Yes, sex. I am a Mormon, but I'm not a virgin. Without going into detail, I'm no Casanova or Don Juan, but I have had my share of um...romantic encounters starting with Karen, whom I mentioned earlier and with um...a couple of...well...much older women. Prior to that, I honestly thought I was meant to always be a virgin." 

Kate laughed and then got serious. "You're kidding, right? You can't possibly have thought a guy that looks like you would stay a virgin for very long. I just find that awfully hard to believe. I think you're just being overly modest for some reason."

"However you may see me now and whatever you may think of me in terms of my looks, I still tend to see myself as the kid who was overweight and who had really bad teeth most of his life. In fact, my teeth were so bad, I had the nickname 'Bucky' until I got my braces off after my junior year of high school. I lost the extra weight when I started lifting a few months before I got the braces off and my wrestling coach showed me how to eat a healthy diet with the right amounts of protein. So when I came back for my senior year, I'd gone through this thing people kept telling me was a transformation or a metamorphosis or something. Whatever it was, I definitely wasn't mentally ready for all of the attention I started getting almost literally overnight. I went from being the guy who got ignored on his best days to having some cute girl ask him to kiss her so he could relieve the itch at the back of her throat on his worst days, to routinely being flirted with, asked out, and even outright propositioned by those same cute girls. It was really very surreal for me. But other than Karen who, as I said, was 18 months older than me, I was only really interested in women who were a LOT older than me." I paused to see what Kate's facial expression might reveal and her raised eyebrow told me to go on. "So again, without any specifics, I had a brief affair with two older women in their mid-thirties. The first was with my creative writing teacher and the other was a lonely Mormon woman whose husband was an airline pilot and gone all the time."

Kate's eyes were wide open as I finished telling my story. "Oh, my goodness! That's unreal! Not the affairs so much. I can definitely understand that. It's the transformation part. I mean, all I can see is the guy who's in front me right here and right now, so it seems really hard to believe you were ever overweight. Your smile is perfect but then, I wore braces, too, so that part I can understand. My teeth weren't all that bad, but I can still definitely relate to feeling out of place because of bad teeth." She paused for a moment then said to me, "I think you're an honest person, Cal, so I believe what you just told me. But it really doesn't seem possible. You are a very handsome man. And it makes me sad to think anyone could be that cruel, but I remember how girls are in high school. We can be vicious—especially to each other. Guys duke it out but girls hurt each other with words. What's even more amazing is that you're such a nice person because it seems the more likely reaction would have been to turn the tables on your tormentors and become like them or worse. That you didn't is a real testament to your character." 

Kate was so genuinely nice and so caring it actually moved me. For once, I wasn't getting hard thinking about screwing the beautiful woman I was talking to. Instead, I found myself wanting to just take her in my arms and hold her. And I wanted her to do the same to me. I snapped out of my quasi-dreamlike state when I heard her say, "Okay. I'm dying to ask how much older these women were than you, but I won't. I'll just have to settle for 'mid-thirties.' So maybe I'm not really that old to you after all!"

Kate's eyes were so bright and...alive. She was obviously enjoying this as much as I was. It made me think that she probably hadn't talked with any man like this since she before she was married. She changed the subject by saying, "You know I'm still legally married but while we're talking, I just wanted you to know that my husband is the only man I've ever slept with." Kate looked distressed for a moment then said quickly, "Even though he was horrible to me the last few years, I really did enjoy sex back before his drinking got out of control. Even when he first started drinking heavily I still really enjoyed sex." She looked down and then back up as she said, "In fact, I enjoyed it a lot. What was really strange is that I didn't mind it when he first got really aggressive. I actually even liked that which, unlike your sweater thing, really is weird, huh? I mean, what woman enjoys being...manhandled? Just not the way he was the last few years. It went from exciting to frightening because he just kept crossing lines that took something that seemed like it was kind of...taboo...to someone scary." Kate looked at me to see if I appeared to be judgmental in any way. I wasn't so she went on. "It's just that the last year or so he was basically impotent from all the drinking and his behavior went from aggressive—which I enjoyed...a slap or a swat or even a gentle kind of choking me to downright abusive. It got so I couldn't stand to even let him touch me. But I do really like sex. Did I say 'a lot' already?" Her smile was so perfect and so bright. I loved seeing her like this.

She sat there for a minute then continued, "I think I was so attracted to Andy because he was...forbidden. He was this dark, mysterious guy. He was well...dangerous. And this might not sound right but I've sort of always had this desire to be a...bad girl. In fact, that's kind of how I've always thought of myself. Andy fed into that until it got out of control."

I smiled back at her then said, "If it seems hard to imagine I was once invisible to all females on earth, it seems impossible to me that you're someone who wants to be bad. You're just so...wholesome and...sweet. I just can't see you that way. Don't get me wrong. I actually like bad girls. It's just hard to find one who's also loyal and devoted to just one guy. It's like oil and water. You can't get a 'good' bad girl."

Kate put her hand over her mouth to cover her laugh. "You are so funny! Joan must be crazy to let you get away. If I was her, I would be willing to make pretty much any kind of compromise to make things work. And while we're talking, I would be a very good bad girl." 

"You're blushing—again," I teased.

"I know! I can't stop it, either. I feel like I'm in junior high again. This is just crazy. I'm not normally like this," she said without looking up at me.

"Like what, Kate? Like someone who's having a nice time? Like someone who feels beautiful again because someone tells her the truth? Like you're important and special? That should be the norm for you, not the exception. You deserve all those things and more." I saw Kate's eyes tear up again so I shifted gears.

"That can't be easy to talk about. I appreciate you trusting me enough to share all that about yourself and your marriage. And while we're on that topic, I don't think anything two consenting adults agree on is weird or wrong or immoral or anything when it comes to the bedroom. So if you enjoy something, you enjoy it. As they say, 'it is what is', right?" Kate smiled and nodded in agreement. "So now you know I like sex and that I have a huge thing for what we'll generically call sweaters. That's the easy part." I sat there for a moment before continuing. "But I have another 'thing' that also begins with 'S' and that's the one that got Joan so upset."

Kate tilted her head to one side and said, "O-kaaay. My curiosity is peaked. I'm running 'bad' words through my mind that begin with an 'S' but I'm at a loss. My first thought was Stripping." She laughed. "Sadism? Sucking? Oops! Did I just say that?" Kate giggled for the first time. "I have no clue. I give up. What's this terrible third 'S' that's so horrible?"

"I'm not sure you're ready for this but I'll share with it you if you want me to. It's something else I really want in any woman I date from here on out. It's such a big deal to me it might even be a 'must have.' And yet there's a huge problem with it for most women—which I completely understand—and the problem is irreconcilable for any Mormon woman."

Kate looked baffled. "Okay, I really am totally stumped. You're gonna just have to tell me."

"Once I do, I'm sure you'll understand why Joan is so upset and whatever good feelings you've had toward me will evaporate and this conversation will come to a grinding halt."

"I can promise you that won't be the case," Kate assured me. "No judgment, remember? So go ahead and just tell me what this big, horrible secret third 'S' is, okay?"

I hesitated then said, "Smoking."

"Cigarettes???" Kate asked. Her tone of voice indicated a kind of disbelief that said "you've got to be kidding me."

"Yes. Cigarettes," I replied. Her head was again slightly cocked to one side which indicated she couldn't believe what she'd just heard. It was that "say that again because I couldn't possibly have heard you correctly" look. So I continued. "I've had this...this...thing...since...well, for quite some time. I was at a baseball game with my dad and I remember seeing this very attractive girl who was maybe eighteen or so. The first thing that caught my attention was the white, ribbed-knit, long-sleeved sweater she was wearing. Talk about form fitting, great boobs, and sexy! The second was that she was smoking. I could NOT stop staring at her. She was just SO incredibly beautiful and I was mesmerized by the long streams of smoke she exhaled as well as by the way she let just a small amount escape as she inhaled and then kind of snapped it all in. I noticed the pack sitting next to her. Virginia Slims Menthol Lights. Anyway, I guess I was 'lucky' because back then, no girl ever noticed whether I was even alive let alone looking at her so I was able to watch her smoke the entire cigarette as she talked with her friends. By the time she put it out, I realized I had the biggest erection of my life up to that point." I stopped talking to see what Kate's face looked like as she smiled and then laughed.




Making Changes



"Oh, my! I guess she really made quite an impression on you then, huh?" Kate said in a way that told me she wasn't laughing at me but at the way I described the situation.

I finished up by saying, "She did indeed and ever since, I've found myself looking for attractive girls and women who smoke and recently, with all the other doubts I've been having about the Church specifically, and religion in general, I realized that's something I really want in any future relationship. And now you know my deepest, darkest secret and the infamous third 'S.' So shall I take you home now or would you prefer I call you a cab so you don't have to be in the same car with me?"

"Um, nooo, there's no need to call a cab or to take me home. I'm not the least bit upset nor do I think any less of you. In fact, that had to be difficult for you to share because smoking really has become so socially unacceptable. And because of the Church and the whole Word of Wisdom thing, I understand why Joan was so upset." Kate quickly added, "I'm not saying I agree with her. I'm just saying it all makes sense now."

"It does," I told her. "And I fully understand. She's thinking, 'I really like this guy. He's really great with my son, he's willing to go along with all my preppy stuff and his things seems pretty tame,' and then I drop this bombshell on her which, for any Mormon girl—as well as for virtually any other girl—is an absolute deal breaker. I get that completely. I don't blame her at all. But from my perspective, I'm just finally realizing what's important to me and I don't ever want to look back and feel like I settled for something less than I want no matter how strange or odd what I want might sound to other people. As they say, we only get one life and there are no dress rehearsals. Looking back, I shouldn't have said anything. I should have just found a way to end our relationship and leave well enough alone. But this need to say what I really feel just welled up inside of me and for once I wasn't willing to pretend or hide or anything else. I just told her honestly how I felt."

Kate said, "I find that very insightful. I mean, I'm almost ten years older than you and I've never once thought about life that way, but it's true. There aren't any dress rehearsals. This is it. So I'm guessing Joan flew off the handle after that. How did she react?"

I drew a deep breath then explained what happened. "At first, she was really upset. As soon as I mentioned it she got very angry. Then she thought about it and asked if perhaps she didn't understand me. Could it be I just meant that I enjoyed watching other attractive women who smoke rather than wanting my wife herself to do so? I could tell she was searching to find some way to hear what she wanted to hear rather than what I'd actually said. She seemed to be thinking maybe we could work around this somehow even though just looking (and lusting) would never be acceptable. But when I told her I really wanted my wife to smoke, that was it. She went off on me about the Church, my priesthood, the Word of Wisdom, leading her on for a year, and a whole lot of other things that were much worse. You seem to have gotten just the Cliff Notes version from her which is still probably more than you wanted to hear."

Kate clearly wasn't angry and I believed her when she said she wasn't even upset. She finally spoke by saying, "Thank you for sharing that with me and again, I won't say a word to Joan or to anyone about this. What you tell me in private stays in private—always." 

Kate shifted gears herself and said, "You were right when you said the Church appealed to me because of its stand on alcohol. I could never live with another man who drank like that. I mean, a glass or two of wine or a couple of beers wouldn't bother me." She hesitated before telling me, "Truth be told, I actually enjoyed doing that myself. And oh, my! I was absolutely addicted to sweet tea! I drank several glasses a day every day for as long as I can remember and kicking that habit has been awful! But honestly? That isn't the hardest part about Mormonism for me. I just have so many huge doubts about so many things."

"Such as?" I inquired.

"Well, let's start with the whole Joseph Smith story and the gold plates and about God being a man and people becoming Gods. They all seem so...bizarre. I mean, I love the idea that families can be together for eternity. It sounds so wonderful. But it's like there are all these strings attached to the central concept of an eternal family. Am I terrible for thinking those things when maybe God put Joan in my life at work to guide me towards the Church? Is that just the Adversary trying to keep me from joining the Church?" (Mormons tend to say "the Adversary" rather than "the devil" or even Satan.)

I shook my head and said, "No. It isn't terrible at all and in my opinion, there is no Adversary whispering things in our ear. As to leading you to Joan, why wouldn't a God who cares that much have just kept you from a man like your husband in the first place? Why would he let you go through all of that heartache, pain, and abuse? To teach you some kind of lesson? I gotta tell you, Kate, I have serious issues with that kind of 'logic.' And doctrinally, I have those same doubts myself. You probably don't know anything about what goes on inside the Mormon temples because they say won't discuss it claiming it's sacred but it's essentially the same ritual used by the Masons only without a blindfold. And guess which prominent Mormon leaders were master Masons? Yep! Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. So if I haven't completely scared you off yet, this almost certainly will. I'm not sure I even believe in God any more, let alone the Mormon Church."

Kate still didn't look spooked. She said, "I have to say I'm surprised to hear you say these things, but I'm most definitely not disappointed. It's surprising because pretty much everyone at church talks about 'Brother Cal' as the guy who knows everything about Church history and who knows so many verses of scripture, and all the women say he's the guy who's the ultimate 'best catch' in the ward." (Ward is the Mormon word for a local church.)

"Me? The ultimate catch? Really?" I shook my head. "That surprises me. I believe they say the other stuff because I've read a ton of church books as well as the Bible and the Book of Mormon several times each. I tend to get into the details of anything I do. I hope that translates well into my endeavors with engineering."

"It shouldn't," Kate said. "Surprise you, I mean. Not the translating thing. The part about being a great catch. You're not only very good looking, but you're at the base gym lifting weights all the time and well...Church girls aren't supposed to notice, but I saw you raking leaves in the back yard a couple of weeks ago with your shirt off and...well...I'll just say your workout routine is very effective." Kate smiled again as she emphasized the word 'very.' "But it isn't just physical. It's all those other things I mentioned that would make you such a desirable husband for any Mormon girl."

"Then I guess I'm doomed!" I said. "If my knowledge of Church history and so forth is a positive trait, I'm afraid all of these other negatives are going to wipe my slate clean and even leave a big old stinking mess on it! And that's before we get to the part about wanting to marry a woman who enjoys smoking. I'm afraid I'm screwed!" I paused for effect then said wryly, "Actually, it looks like I'm NOT going to be getting screwed any time soon by any Mormon woman!"

Kate laughed again and told me, "Your doubts about the Church and even your interest in smoking don't negate the fact that you're a great guy and a really good listener, by the way. Girls notice these kinds of things and they all notice how you treat everyone else so well and that includes all of the girls at church who have no chance with you but who have crushes on you nonetheless. There are actually quite a few of them in case you weren't aware of that, either. You're nice to every one of them and yet you could be a real jerk because of the way those cute girls treated you in the past, and you could probably get away with it because you're so good looking. But instead, you make each one of them feel special and important." Kate looked down and away again before saying, "Like you've made me feel today."

I shook my head and said, "Wow again. That's really nice of you to say. I just don't see myself that way, but thank you, Kate. I wish Joan was able to tell me those kinds of things. Or at least I did. It seems like getting a compliment from her is worse than pulling teeth. I'm always telling her how nice she looks or how much I appreciate something she does, but it only ever goes one way."

Kate sighed, drew a long breath then said, "Here's my take on Joan. I see her as a very spoiled girl, Cal. Her daddy doted her growing up and he still calls her his little princess. I think she knows she's very pretty and doesn't realize you're way out of her league." I started to interrupt when Kate said, "No, really. You are and I'm not the only one who feels that way. Just please let me finish, okay?" I nodded and she continued. "Joan also thinks she's entitled to a lot of things. A handsome man she can control is just one of them. Mike is also very attractive guy although even he isn't nearly as cute as you are. Joan wants a huge home, fancy cars, beautiful clothes, and membership in an exclusive country club. She needs her husband to have an impressive title and an even more impressive income. I have to tell you her biggest reservation about you prior to last night was that you don't have any money. I mean 'real money' by her definition and not just a job. She's worried that engineers don't make six figures and even worse, she can't stand the though of having to 'go without' through at least four years of college and maybe several more years as you get established. Now I'm sorry, but to me, that is just exactly the wrong way to look at a marriage. In my opinion, she should be thankful to have found such a wonderful, decent man who is so good to her and who treats her year-old son like his own. Who cares how much money you have if you can be happy? Who cares what kind of house you live in if you live in it with the man who loves you like that? So while I understand her concerns, I just don't get them. Well, except for the smoking thing. And even there, I hope you're not upset with me because I'm not taking Joan's side. I'm just being honest. You've said it yourself and it's true. No Mormon girl could accept that even if she wanted to please you."

"Kate?" I said looking for a chance to break in. "I'm not only not upset, I find your honesty refreshing. I also think you're incredibly insightful yourself and you nailed it with regard to Joan. I've had some of those same thoughts but you put them into words—perfectly. So thank you for that, thank you for listening—you really ARE an amazingly good listener—and thank you for being so honest." I sat there for a moment before saying, "It's almost time to head back to Joan's for your party. I just wanted to say one more thing since we're both being completely honest with you."

"I'm listening," Kate said playfully. 

"Things are essentially over with Joan, but I'm going to officially end them tonight. I hope that won't ruin what's left of your not-so-surprising surprise party. I just wanted to tell you that I would really very much like to ask you out but now that you know about my um...three 'S's', I won't embarrass myself by asking you because I don't need the extra rejection on top of my relationship with my girlfriend coming to a rather bitter end. I just wanted you to know that you are exactly the kind of woman I'm looking for and that I'm already envious of your future husband." I smiled bravely even though I felt pretty deflated after having spilled my guts knowing I was losing my current girlfriend and had no chance with this gorgeous older woman I would dearly love to date.

I now understood why Kate lacked the confidence most woman as attractive as her had but it still surprised me. She seemed so fragile and yet so sincere when she told me, "You know, it should be pretty obvious by now that I would love you to ask me out—once you're single again. I can't tell you that I want to smoke, but I can tell you that I really enjoy talking with you and I would be willing to at least discuss all of this with you. So...if you really would like to go out sometime..." 

Kate's voice trailed off. She suddenly looked at her watch and said, "You're right. We're gonna be late. We'd better get going." 

As we pulled into Joan's driveway, Kate said, "I had the best time talking with you, Cal. Thank you for all of the kind things you said. You have no idea how much I needed to hear them. And when I comes to finding your Miss Right, never say never. I think you might be surprised at what some women would be willing to do for the right man." 

Kate didn't have to tell me what it was she was referring to exactly. I understood her without her having to spell it out. What I didn't know was whether she was referring to herself or to "some women" in a generic sense. Still, I couldn't help but wonder if what she said meant this was something she might think about actually considering. Then again, at her age, there was really zero chance she was going to be the one to fulfill all of my fantasies AND be the woman I would want to marry. That much was certain. But she just seemed so perfect in every other way. I was as sure of that as I was that the perfect woman WAS out there—somewhere. I just had to face the fact that I was also going to have to part ways with the Mormon Church and begin looking for women who were already involved with two of my 'S's. Only by then asking those women out could I learn if they were also interested in sex as much I was. 

So tonight I would end my relationship with Joan and in the very near future I would sever ties with the LDS Church. I still wasn't exactly sure when or how but that I would was certain.

The lights were off in the house as I once again opened the door for Kate. Since she lived here, there was no need to knock. It was locked so again I used the key. As I turned the doorknob, I whispered to Kate, "Remember to look surprised" as I pushed it open. Kate stepped in and a half second later the lights came on followed by a loud unified call of SURPRISE! Noisemakers squealed and people clapped for the birthday girl. Kate put her hands over her face and said, "Oh, my goodness! You shouldn't have!"

Joan stepped forward and said over the noise, "Oh, yes we should have! You deserve this, Kate. Happy birthday!" Just then, she noticed me standing next to the door. She shot a cold, icy glance my way but managed to keep the smile on her face as she led Kate toward the snacks, cake, and punch. For the next hour or so, everyone mingled, congratulated Kate, and then she opened the handful of presents the guests had brought.

Once everyone cleared out after the party was over, Joan asked Kate if she would mind excusing excuse herself for a moment. She headed into the kitchen while Joan asked me to sit down and then said tersely, "First of all, let me thank you for setting all this up. Had you not already volunteered to do this I'd have asked you not to come. But it was too late to do that so I appreciate you getting everything taken care of. It really looks very nice. But I want you leave right now. In fact, I think it best we don't see each other anymore. I'll take care of cleaning this all up myself."

I was actually kind of relieved Joan had done all the dirty work for me. "It was my pleasure. Kate deserves this after all she's been through. We had a nice talk today and..."

Joan raised her finger and almost hissed, "Let me tell you something. I will not let you spread your disgusting and repugnant interests to my friend. You are nothing but a hypocrite of the highest order and I want you to leave. Now! And you also need to leave her alone. Is that clear?"

I stayed poised and said calmly, "What you want is very clear and I will be be leaving very soon. However, unless you now speak for Kate, what she wants may not be the same thing that you want."

Joan was almost trembling with anger. She wasn't used to any man talking to her like that and losing control of a situation was something she couldn't tolerate.

"You may think you're really something with your muscles and your hair and great smile but you're nothing to me now. I can't believe I was ever interested in you. What kind of man—especially one who holds the Holy Melchizedek Priesthood—thinks watching a woman smoke is sexy? It's disgusting! You're sick and you're disgusting and I want you out of my house right now!"

"As you wish," I said quietly. "Let me just tell Kate goodbye."

"Oh, no you don't! I said right now and that means NOW!" Joan was still shaking and pointing to the front door.

I ignored her and headed to the kitchen where Kate was standing. I stepped inside and said, "Hey, it's getting a little bit crazy out there and I just wanted to say I had a really nice..."

"I told you to leave NOW!" Joan screamed as she followed me into the kitchen. "This is MY house. NOT hers. Get out—NOW!"

Kate looked petrified. I couldn't help but wonder if this might be the kind of verbal abuse she got from her husband and what effect it might be having on her right now when it came to her feelings about the Joan and the Mormon Church itself. I didn't want to create an even bigger scene so I looked at her and said, "I really enjoyed talking with you. I'll call you soon if that's okay." 

Joan was nearly frothing at the mouth. "Don't you DARE call my house! You are not welcome here and Kate doesn't need you to call her or even talk to her!"

I looked at Kate and said very calmly, "I believe that decision is Kate's to make." I didn't say another word as I grabbed my jacket and left the house. I just remember thinking as I got in the car, "Dude, you just avoided a HUGE land mine. What a nut case! Good riddance, Joan. I pity your next victim."

Chapter 2

When I went in to work the next day I met the new guy who'd be replacing me. I also learned I'd be going out to Fallon, Nevada, for two weeks with our F-18 squadron to show him the ropes. I couldn't really complain because he was going to be there for six weeks and I'd had enough of Fallon (and Iraq and Afghanistan) for one lifetime. So two weeks was a cake walk.

I decided to call Kate during my lunch break. She was a receptionist for an OB-GYN team in Beaufort and Joan was a relatively new RN. That meant there was zero chance she'd be the one picking up the phone—not that I really cared. I was just SO glad to be out from under her and her control-freak ways. Kate picked up on the second ring and I said, "Hi beautiful. Do you have a minute to talk?"

"Cal! Hi! Sure but only just a minute. It's been crazy busy here this morning. How are you?" Kate bubbled.

"Fine, thanks. Listen, I was wondering if you might like to have dinner with me on Friday. I just found out I'm leaving for a couple weeks next Monday and I'd really like to see you—again."

"I would love to have dinner with you! But honestly? I'd be just as happy going for a walk or doing something that doesn't cost money. But I'd be glad to go to dinner with you, too."

That was one of the things I already liked about Kate. She meant it when she said she didn't need things to make her happy whereas Joan HAD to have them and still wasn't happy once she got them. I chided myself again for ever getting involved with her.

"I know you don't need me to spend money on you. This is just something I'd really like to do. I've found myself thinking about you and our conversation non-stop since we talked and I'd like the opportunity to get to you know you better."




Making Changes



"Same here," Kate said sincerely. "So dinner it is. At least that will give me an excuse to wear this really cute new sweater I just bought," she said playfully.

"Kate. Please understand that you don't need to do that for me. I was honest in telling you what I like but I would never, ever ask—let alone try and demand—that a woman do anything for me."

Kate said, "I've got other calls so I have to go but please know I do the things I do because I want to, not because I feel like I have to, okay? So I'll see you Friday?"

"I'll pick you up at 7 o'clock, it that's okay. See you then?"

"It's a date! Bye, Cal."

The week flew by getting the squadron ready to deploy. When I pulled into Joan's driveway on Friday, I didn't see her car which was a relief in that I just didn't feel like putting up with her nonsense. I went to the door, rang the doorbell, and waited. It was well worth the short wait. Kate opened the door and invited me in.

"Okay, I know I shared my preferences with you but did you somehow crawl into my head and find out what my absolute favorite look is?" I said partly teasing but also with complete sincerity.

"So this is okay?" Kate asked.

"Okay? No, it isn't okay. It's—sensational. It's—amazing. It's...you're...beautiful." Kate was wearing a powder blue, rib-knit sweater with a jewel neckline and 3/4 length sleeves. She also had on a short black skirt—short by LDS standards anyway—that fell about three inches above her knee, and a pair of black, open-toed high heels with barely black stockings. Her matching silver earrings and necklace really set off her pretty face which had a modest amount of makeup but no lipstick—another huge plus. "Did Joan tell you I don't care too much for lipstick or is that your preference?"

"You might not remember but I heard you say that to Joan about a month ago when you came to take her to the Labor Day dance at the ward."

"Ah, right! Well, regardless of the reason, I like it and I absolutely love the way you look."

We drove down to Savannah where I had reservations at an Italian restaurant that was nice but not overly pricey. Marine sergeants didn't make a l of money although I'd managed to put away several thousand dollars to help me get through college. That, along with the GI Bill, should be adequate. Or at least I hoped it would. A part-time job might also be necessary but I was more than willing to whatever it took to get my education. I'd enlisted to escape my small hometown where my dad and his dad had both worked for Weyerhaeuser. That was fine for them, but I wanted something better for myself. The military was ticket out and the GI Bill my path to a college degree and a career in engineering.

"This is nice," Kate said as we were seated. "It's so quaint and so quiet."

Our server introduced himself and asked us if we'd like to order drinks or appetizers. Without asking Kate I said, "Two sweet teas, please."

Kate's eyes opened wide as she stared at me. "I do not believe you just did that! You know I'm an addict and if I have one glass, I'll be back on tea for life."

I looked back at her and smiled saying, "No one is going to force you to drink it. In fact, I can go have him cancel the order and get you a glass of delicious tap water."

"Don't you dare!" Kate said in mock anger. "I haven't had sweet tea in weeks and I'm dying for some." She looked around as though someone might be watching and then said, "I feel like I'm doing something SO bad!"

I leaned closer and said, "I know. Isn't it fun!"

Kate laughed and leaned closer to me. As she looked up we were less than four inches away from each other. Our eyes met and I could see hers looking back and forth at both of mine. I leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips. Her beautiful blue eyes closed as she parted her mouth slightly in anticipation. As our lips parted Kate murmured softly, "Mmmm..."

I said very quietly, "I wanted to do that yesterday so bad I could hardly stand it."

"And I wanted you to. It was definitely worth the wait," Kate replied softly.

Our iced teas were placed in front of us and we both ordered our entrees. "To...changes," I said in a toast. Kate lifted her glass and repeated, "To changes!" as we clinked glasses.

"Oh, my!" she moaned after taking her first sip. "That might just be better than sex!" Kate immediately put her hand over her mouth as though she'd something wrong and then she laughed. "Okay. I love sweet tea but that definitely isn't as good as sex. Well, at least as far as I remember anyway," she added.

We talked some more about Joan and the breakup and then she asked about my upcoming two-week deployment to Nevada. "I can't believe you have to go away so soon," Kate lamented. "It seems kind of unfair. It's like I'm being teased with being able to get to have you and then have you taken away." She stopped for a moment and then said, "That didn't sound right, did it? I didn't mean have you, have you, or anything. I just meant..."

"I understood what you meant," I assured her. "I feel the same way. I kind of feel cheated, too. I've spent the last year dating someone I knew wasn't right for me and then I finally meet someone who is and then I have to leave. The good news is this isn't a long deployment. It sure beats 6-8 months in Iraq or Afghanistan."

Kate had been smiling and then she turned serious. "But let's be honest. I'm not completely right for you and you and I both know you wouldn't be happy with me or with any woman who wasn't everything you want." I started to respond but Kate indicated she needed to finish her thought. "I understand feeling like you wasted many months with Joan but I wasted many years with my husband. I feel like I just met the man of my dreams, but I know that I'm not the woman of his. And there is no way I would pursue a relationship with you because now that I know what's really important to you, I understand that I could never make you happy unless I started..."

I forced myself into the conversation. "Okay, stop right there, please. Just as with wearing things I like, I would never, EVER even ask a woman to do something as serious as smoking. Ever. Love is many things to many people but making demands like that isn't love. I like the following saying because it really captures how I feel about love. It goes like this: you can give without loving but you can't love without giving. That's very short but it's also very profound. You can't buy someone's love with presents and gifts. You can't make someone happy with things. But if you truly love them, you can't help but give. Time, money, affection, or whatever. To me, love is a verb, not a noun. If I love you, then my actions will show it. I will give, not because I expect a reward, not because it's my duty; but I will give because I can't not give. I will be so moved by love that I won't be able to keep from giving. But I would never expect any woman to do something as extreme as start smoking for me. Besides, if I did somehow manage to persuade her to so, and if she ever regretted it, I would feel guilty and guilt is something I don't like feeling. It's yet another reason why I'm done with religion. Does that make sense?"

Again, I was almost certain I saw tears well up in Kate's eyes. She turned and blinked and then it was gone. She looked right at me and said, "I've never heard that saying that before but that is exactly how I feel, too. I wore this tonight because I wanted to do it for you. I wasn't hoping to get a nice dinner for it—or anything else for that matter. I just couldn't not wear what you like because...well, because I really like you, Cal. And I have to say that what you just said moved me more than anything else anyone has ever said to me. Loving means giving—willfully, intentionally, and happily. I couldn't agree with you more. All I've ever really wanted was a husband who would love me like that and who would accept that kind of love from me." We sat quietly for a moment before Kate said, "I couldn't help but notice you used the past tense when you said you're done with religion. Does that mean you've decided to leave the Church?"

Our entrees arrived just then and Kate paused for a moment to see whether or not I was going to ask a blessing on the food. I looked at her and said, "Fuck it. Let's eat." 

Kate's eyes grew wide again in mock astonishment followed by an immediate laugh. "Okay! That answers my question! You are just full of surprises, aren't you?" she said.

We were about half way through our meal before either of us spoke again. I finally said, "Kate? I wanted to tell you I really like you, too. And honestly? I think it just might be possible for me to live very happily with two out the three of my 'S's.' I know we just met, but I've never had the kind of feelings for any woman like I've had for you. You're everything I'm looking for from the inside to the outside. I won't say anything crazy like 'I love you' but I really, really like you—a lot."

Kate sat her fork down and took a sip of tea. "I have the exact same feelings for you too, Cal. You're everything I've wanted and been waiting for but when I heard you tell me yesterday what's important to you, I heard real conviction in your voice. There was a genuine passion. I didn't imagine that and you can't possibly say you didn't mean it because you did. You know what you want and getting some or even most of it won't be enough for you. I've never once even tried smoking and I'm almost 30 years old. You deserve to have what you want—everything you want—and that means finding a woman who enjoys smoking and there are still many tens of thousands of them out there. If you settle for anything less, you'll end up feeling resentful and that will put tremendous strain on the relationship and affect it everywhere to include the bedroom. So as much as I'd love to be serious with you, I know I can't be that girl for you."

"There's something else you should know about me," I said. "I hate having to admit when I'm wrong. That said, I'm always willing to do so. I just don't enjoy doing it. And in this case, you're 100% right. You really did hear me correctly yesterday and you are also completely right about how I'd feel if I compromised on something that was so important to me. You're not only gorgeous, you're very smart."

Kate forced a smile and gave me a kiss on my cheek. We didn't say much more the rest of the meal or on the way home. I did notice Joan's Buick in the driveway when we pulled in and I thought to myself, "Uh, oh. This can't be good."

"Let me walk you to the door, okay?" I said as I opened Kate's door to let her out.

"I don't think that would be such a good idea, Cal. Joan is probably going to light into me when I go inside. It would just make things worse if the two of you have words first."

I closed her door and said, "Okay. If you think that's best. You've been right about everything else tonight so it might be best if I leave now."

"I had a really nice time," Kate said with deep sincerity. "And I really do like you—a lot. If there was any way I could..."

"Don't," I said interrupting. "There isn't and I would never ask. Besides, I'd just go from liking you—a lot—to falling in love with you and then we'd have a real problem because you're not even divorced yet and..."

Kate laughed again. "You see! You have this way of making me feel better no matter how down I might be. My divorce won't be final for another six months or so because he's contesting it but it will happen. Divorce or no divorce, if we were in love that wouldn't matter to me. I mean, if we can just throw caution to the wind and violate the Word of Wisdom by drinking iced tea, then why we couldn't we shack up together for a few months, right?" Kate laughed again at her own words and I found myself laughing, too.

I put my hands on her upper arms and told her, "You are so beautiful when you smile," I said. "Then again, you're also beautiful when you don't." I leaned down and kissed her goodnight. It was a longer but still soft, gentle kiss. Kate moaned softly again. 

As the kiss ended, we both looked over and saw Joan standing at the front window looking out at us. "Uh, oh. You really are in trouble," I said. "Are you sure you don't want me to go in with you?"

"No, thanks. I'm a big girl. And like you, I need to deal with my own relationship with Joan. She can have her opinions, but she can't control mine." She started toward the front door then stopped and said to me, "As much as I need a place to stay, I won't put up with being berated. So don't worry, okay? I'll be fine."

I had to get a lot of things done over the weekend to get ready to leave on Monday. I was so busy I didn't get a chance to call Kate until late on Sunday. She couldn't afford a cell phone so I dialed Joan's number hoping Kate would pick up. When the phone was answered, it was Joan. I asked for Kate and Joan hissed, "She doesn't live here anymore and she has you to thank for that! It's bad enough that you've chosen to become an apostate, but you just had to drag Kate down with you, didn't you? You couldn't just turn your back on the Church on your own. You had to make sure and bring Kate along with you. How DARE you get her drinking tea again? Have you NO decency? Do you care about anyone but yourself?" 

Before I could answer Joan screamed, "You make me SICK!" followed by the sound of the phone slamming down on the receiver. 

I didn't have a chance to ask her where Kate went and I doubted she'd have told me anyway. So for the next 15 days, I had no way to get ahold of her but I had to admit that after our second talk on Friday night, that might not be such a bad thing after all. She really was almost everything I wanted and now I knew that almost wasn't good enough.

Working 12-hour days seven days a week plus hitting the weight room every day made the time fly by and my replacement was fully 'locked and cocked' by the time I left. I knew he'd do a good job for the squadron. 

I got back late on a Tuesday and after dropping my stuff off at my apartment, I headed out to the local Bi-Lo to pick up some groceries as both the cupboards and my refrigerator were bare. 

The store was closing in 15 minutes but that was plenty of time to pick up what I needed. I grabbed tuna, chicken, skim milk, and all the stuff I needed for my protein-heavy diet and I was on my way out when out of the blue, I decided I was going to buy a six-pack of beer. I was a health fanatic obsessed with diet and exercise. I'd never even tried alcohol before as I'd joined the Mormon church as a teenager. But I decided during this last deployment that I was going to break as many rules of the Mormon Church as I could. I'd skipped church my last Sunday in town, didn't go the two weeks I was deployed and vowed to never go again. I was done with that mess. No, I was done with that shit! I smiled at having used "foul language" as I dropped the six-pack of Bud Light into the cart. Another rule down. A thousand more to go!

I was heading to the check out counter when I heard a familiar voice. "Little late for grocery shopping isn't it?"

I turned around and right behind me was Kate who was caring a small basket which had a few items in it. "Well, well. Aren't you the pot calling the kettle black!" I said in response.

"Okay. That's true," Kate said. "I'm at mamma's house now—well, since the next morning after our dinner date. Joan blew a gasket when I told her I went out with you and it got even worse when I told her I had a glass of iced tea. It was really ugly. I didn't say a word. I just went to my room, closed the door, and got up the next morning ready to leave."

We both stopped as we heard a scratchy announcement" "Bi-Lo will be closing in five minutes. Please take your purchases to the front register."

"Guess we're being kicked out," I said. "Can we talk, Kate? Is it too late to stop by my place?"

Kate looked in my cart, saw the beer, and asked, "Are you inviting me over for a beer by any chance?"

"Busted!" I said as I raised my hands as though I was about to be arrested. "You caught me red handed, officer. The truth is, I've never had a beer in my entire life but that's going to change tonight. So if you'd like to have one with me..."

"Oh, my! You might need an adult in the room with you if this is indeed your very first beer. I have to drop off the milk and ice cream at mamma's but I can be there in about 15 minutes if that's okay?"

"Well, that's pretty close to my bedtime but I'm thinking about violating that rule, too," I confessed. "In fact, I've decided to break a lot of rules."

"Oh, really?" Kate said. "Hmmm. Seems like we have something else in common then!"

"Oh, really? back at you," I said in semi-mock surprise. "I can't wait to hear about this."

"Nor can I," Kate said with an evil smile. "See you soon?"

We finished checking out and I headed home and put things away. I didn't own any beer mugs and I wasn't sure if one drank beer out of a glass or from the bottle. I wasn't very good at sinning. Note to self: get better at that.

Kate showed up a few minutes later and I invited her in and asked her about the beer. "Oh, straight from the bottle for me! I'm not a fancy chick, remember?" she said with a smile.

I unscrewed two bottle caps and handed one to her. "Cheers!" I said. 

"Sip it slowly, okay?" Kate warned. "This isn't kool aid."

"More sage advice! Thank you, oh smart one," I told her.

"At least you didn't say, 'O' old one' so as they said in Caddyshack, at least I got that goin' for me, right?" 

I laughed at the movie-line reference and took a sip. The taste really surprised me. "This stuff is awful!" I said holding it out and looking at the label.

"It's...an acquired taste," Kate announced. "Kind of like smoking."

"Okay, okay. Please don't start in on that. I already felt bad enough after our date and then I couldn't get ahold of you over the weekend before I left and now that you're here with me I don't want to 'go there.' I just want to talk to you. I've missed you, Kate," I said as I took another, slightly larger sip. "Okay, that wasn't quite as bad," I mused.

"So tell me about your deployment," Kate said as we sat on my old couch.

"What's to tell?" I said. "Same old thing. Working 12 hours a day in the heat. The only good thing is it's 'only' getting up into the low 90s there this time of year. In the summer, it routinely hits 110 or higher every day but that's still not as hot as it got at Al Asad air base in Iraq. The good news is I got my replacement trained so I'm pretty much on auto pilot for the last two months. But I want to hear about you. Tell me about the big argument and the move and whatever else is new."

Kate took a longer drink and then tried to suppress a belch. "Oh, my! That's why I prefer wine to beer! Sorry about that." 

I laughed and said, "Wine. I'll have to remember that. Red or white?" I asked as though I knew what I was talking about.

"That depends. Are we having chicken, fish, or beef?" Kate queried. 

"I really do have a lot to learn about sinning, don't I?" I quipped. We both laughed and took another long drink of our beers.

"Well, after the big blowout with Joan, I really didn't know what to do. Like most people, I love my mother, but she can really get on my last nerve very quickly with all of her nitpicking and her rules and her non-stop advice. Ever since my daddy died, she's been pretty much a bitter old shrew. I love her dearly but she can be so...difficult. I never even seriously considered living with her after I left Andy and then Joan stepped in and offered me a room in her house so I took the path of least resistance. After the ordeal with Joan, I had nowhere left to turn so I drove over to mamma's and told her what happened. She insisted I move in with her that very day. For all her faults she is as loyal as they come and she is very protective of her children."




Making Changes



"Children? As in plural?" I asked in order to clarify. I had no idea Kate wasn't an only child like me.

"I have a younger sister named Keri. I haven't seen her for several years. She left home when she graduated from high school and fell into the wrong crowd. She got hooked up with some guy who did meth and one thing led to another until she nearly died from an overdose. She went to rehab and to her credit she's been clean for the last year and a half. The really crazy thing is..." Kate stopped for a moment, finished her beer and asked if she could have another. 

"Sure thing," I said as I sat my own half-empty bottle down and grabbed her another. I removed the cap and handed it to her.

"Thank you, Cal," she said. "Were I still going to church..." She stopped again and said, "A lot has changed. Let me back up and explain that. I quit going to church too, by the way, after I left Joan's house. You've been quite the inspiration, I must say." Her smile told me she meant that in a good way.

I chimed in and said, "Oh, yeah! She tore me a new one when I called for you on Sunday. She lit into me about getting you addicted to sweet tea again!" I laughed but Kate's face was puzzled.

"You called for me?" she said quietly.

"Yeah. Late on Sunday. It was the first chance I had to call but well, Joan just started yelling at me and she told you didn't live there anymore, blah, blah, blah."

"I didn't know that. I wish she'd told me," Kate said pensively. She was very quiet for a few moments then said, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since we decorated Joan's place for my birthday party. I honestly thought you didn't care after our dinner date because as far as I knew you didn't call. But you did and I just didn't know."

"I'm sorry for the confusion. Yes, I did call and I've also missed you, too, Kate."

She sat her beer down and slid next to me. "Would you mind if I asked you to kiss me?" she said in her quiet, sweet way.

"Mind? I haven't thought about anything else since our first date but when we talked in Joan's driveway I thought you were sure this couldn't work out. Are you sure you want me to kiss you now that neither of us has the Church to stop what might follow after?" I brushed her hair back and ran my the back of my hand along her cheek. My God, she was beautiful.

She took my hand and said, "Other things have changed too, Cal. I was going to tell you that Keri surprised us both the next day by driving in from Charlotte without telling us. She didn't even know Andy and I split up let alone that I was living with Mamma."

"I'm confused," I said. "It must have been great to see your sister but I'm not sure what kind of a change that is unless maybe she moved in with your mom, too."

Kate smiled. "She stayed with us for five days but no, she's not moving in. She's got a new boyfriend in Charlotte and he's also a recovering addict. They seem to be really good for one another."

"That's wonderful," I said. "But I'm still not sure how that relates to things changing." I finished my first-ever beer and Kate suggested I get another. "No, thanks. I'm fine," I said.

"I'd normally never encourage anyone to drink more alcohol than they want but in this case, you might want a second beer. Why don't you go ahead and get one and then I'd like to go sit outside on your patio and discuss something with you," Kate said as she let go of my hand.

"It's pretty chilly out there. Are you sure you don't want to stay inside where it's warm?"

"I'm sure," Kate said. "Besides, I wore my leather jacket tonight so I'll be okay." Kate picked up her purse and waited for me.

I opened another beer then took a sip. "I can really feel the effects of the alcohol," I said. 

We took a seat in one of the plastic chairs at the cheap patio table and Kate asked me, "Do you like it? The alcohol, that is?"

"Um...I'm not sure. I think so. It's actually kind of pleasant. I just don't see myself doing this every night but I can definitely understand how a cold beer on a warm day would be very appealing. Why do you ask?

"When I saw the beer in your cart I couldn't help but think it was uncanny how glad I was for the change I made while you were gone. If we were going to church...and if the change didn't involve 'sinful' things...I'd think it was a sign."

I was completely befuddled. "I'm a reasonably intelligent guy but I'm clearly missing something here. I don't understand the significance of me buying beer and well...anything."

"I told you Keri is recovering addict. I never talked to her about her drug use let alone how it all started and what not. I won't bore you with the details but the one thing that stood out was that Keri said she made her decision to start using meth willingly and consciously. In fact, she did it because the guy she was in love with did meth and she wanted to make him happy." 

I took a long drink of my beer and Kate did the same. "So while the end result of her choice was disastrous because meth is so powerfully and immediately addicting and it just wreaks havoc on the body, I completely understood why she did it. I mean, I know how dangerous meth is and I know Keri didn't make the best choice. I just found myself unable to blame her because of the motivation behind her choice. I found myself not only sympathizing with her but empathizing with her because while she was in love with him, it hit me that..." Kate stopped for a moment and looked at me.

"What hit you?" I asked as I reached out and took her hand.

"I realized that...that..." Kate looked down for a moment and collected herself. Then she looked directly at me and said, "I realized that I'm in love with you. I mean, I can't think about anyone or anything else. You have all of the qualities I want in a husband. You're everything I've dreamed about all my life and you're...gorgeous. I might be crazy but I am definitely in love with you." Kate turned and looked into my eyes and said, "All I want is to be with you and because I do...because I love you so much...I can't help but giving." She saw the puzzled look on my face then took her hand away to open her purse.

"When Keri was explaining all this to me that's when the light came on. That's when it hit me. I knew what I wanted and that I wanted to...no, that I had to give of myself. I made a decision right then and there. I told Keri about you and how I feel about you and what you want in a wife and I asked her to help me."

"Help you? With what, Kate?" I asked. "What do you need help with? Are you okay? Please, if something's wrong with you, I need to know because...well...because...I'm in love with you, too."

Kate let go of her purse and at the same time a tear fell from her eye. "Really? Do you really love me? Please tell me this isn't some cruel joke. Are you really, really in love with me?" Kate's tears fell freely and her face had a look of desperation on it.

"No, this is not a joke. It's very real. I am very much in love with you and I realized that after I dropped you off at Joan's house. I just assumed you'd decided there was no way we could bridge what appeared to you to be this enormous gap. But Kate, please believe me when I tell you we can. We CAN make this work. I don't need you to..."

Kate held up her hand indicating for me to stop talking. She wiped away her tears and reached into her purse. As she did, she said, "Yes, you DO need me to..." She produced a pack of Virginia Slims Menthol lights and a Bic lighter and sat them on the table. "To smoke," she said finishing both her and my sentence.

My heart rate increased rapidly to the point that I thought it might beat out of my chest. "What are you doing, Kate?" I said with genuine concern. "I can't ask you to do this. Not for me. I just can't."

She slid her chair next to mine and said, "You're not asking me. This is MY decision and mine alone. Keri started smoking after she left home and even though she got off of meth amphetamine, she still smokes. I asked her if she'd teach me how before she left. She was understandably very concerned for me but I told her I'd learn on my own if she wouldn't help so we went outside and she helped me smoke my first cigarette. Actually, I didn't smoke anything close to an entire cigarette. In fact, I didn't even inhale when I smoked my first cigarette. I had to learn how and that took a few tries to get right."

"Kate, please..."

"Uh, uh. My turn to talk. When I'm done you can say whatever you like, okay?" I nodded my head and just listened. "I have to admit I really didn't like the taste those first few times when I was just holding the smoke in my mouth without inhaling it. It was really pretty...nasty. But Keri showed me how to take in just a very small amount, hold it in my mouth for a second, and then inhale it. The first time I did it it sent this strong tingling all the way up and down my back and neck. I not only managed not to cough, it wasn't even unpleasant. And I remember explaining the sensation to Keri and saying, 'Wow, that was actually very nice!' We both laughed and she explained that was from the nicotine buzz once it hit my system. She told me it wouldn't happen too many times after that if I kept smoking. Then she had me take another very small puff. She warned me not to take more than one or two more because I might feel sick from the nicotine. So I took two more small puffs and put it out. I did that with her two more times that day then several times each day until she left and by then I was able to finish about half of one before it got too strong for me. After she left, I thought about not trying it again since I honestly thought I'd never see you again after you dropped me off, but hope is a very powerful motivator. So I kept working at it after I got home each night even after mamma saw me outside smoking one evening. She gave me the business about it at first but then told me I was old enough to make my own decisions and as long as I kept it outside, she didn't care. Now I'm able to finish most of a cigarette down to about the letters near the filter and I've gone from not really liking it much to not minding it to almost enjoying it. And I really want to smoke a cigarette for you right now. Is that okay?"

My head was spinning from the beer and from everything Kate just told. I also noticed my cock was rock hard. It was straining against the denim in my jeans so hard I had to adjust it. I tried to do so unobtrusively, but Kate noticed. "So maybe I was right. It looks like someone is very excited at the prospect of watching me smoke a cigarette," she teased. "So do you mind if I have one?" Kate opened the box and used one of her long, red nails to slid one of the white-tipped cigarettes outside of it and then held it between her first two fingers. I found myself unable to speak. I just reached out and picked up the lighter as Kate raised her cigarette toward her soft, full lips. I flicked the wheel and the flame came to life. Kate touched the tip of the cigarette to it and drew deeply on it as the end turned cherry red. 

I was unable to look away as she opened her mouth to allow some of the smoke to briefly drift out and then quickly inhale it all back in. I was treated to a long stream of smoke as she exhaled. I heard her murmur, "I can't say I like smoking yet, but I don't mind it at all." She took another moderately deep drag, snap inhaled it and then exhaled another exquisite stream of smoke.

"So this is what I wanted to share with you. And I want you to know with absolutely certainty that this was my decision and that although this is something I wouldn't have considered without knowing how you feel, you are not responsible for me starting smoking. Okay?" Kate took a third deep puff and then exhaled it slowly.

"I'm dying to kiss you," I said. 

"Just a sec," Kate said. She used her free hand to reach into her purse and grab some Tic Tacs. "Let me pop a couple of these in first so that..."

I reached out and gently took them out of her hand. "Uh, uh. Don't you dare. I don't want to taste Tic Tacs. I want to taste Virginia Slims on your lips."

Kate looked amused. "Really? You like the taste of cigarette smoke on a woman's breath?"

I stood up and took her hand then sat her back down across my lap. "You have no earthly idea how much or what you're doing to me right now," I said as I pulled her close for my first smoky kiss ever with her. I paused just before our lips met and whispered, "That smells so unbelievably good. I want to kiss you so bad." Our lips met and I wanted to take in every sensation. The taste, the smell, her perfume mingles with the smoke. "My God, I want you!" I moaned as her tongue slipped into my mouth.

"I can tell," she said as she wriggled her ass on my stone-hard erection. "Mmmmm. That feels so good, Cal. I want you, too. Do you want me to finish smoking my cigarette first?" she asked.

"God, yes. Please do that."

Kate inhaled even more deeply then exhaled so I could see her stream against the black night. And then she would kiss me. Deeply. Passionately. "Is this what you wanted?" she said huskily.

"More than you can imagine," I moaned. "I love you so much."

Kate took one last deep drag after she reached the letters near the filter. As she exhaled she said, "Sorry, that's all I can take. The rest is still way too strong for me."

"That's okay," I told her. "I'm just so incredibly happy. This is the most wonderful thing anyone has ever done for me."

Kate put her cigarette out then kissed me again. "Someone once told me you can give without loving but you can't love without giving. I love you, Cal, and this is my gift to you."

I picked Kate up and carried her inside and laid her on my bed. We kissed as we undressed. The wonderful taste was indescribably fantastic. I gently laid Kate down as I held myself above her. "I'm sorry I don't have a sweater to wear for you," she said. "Is that okay?"

I rested my body on top of hers and stroked her hair. "I can't possibly tell you how much I love you. You are so beautiful and so amazing. You don't need anything else to be perfect to me."

"Then will you please fuck me?" Kate begged. 

I kissed her again drinking in the flavor of her smokey lips. "That tastes SO good, Katie," I moaned. I slid down and took Kate's perky little tits in my hands and then lowered my mouth around one and began gently sucking on her nipple. 

"Ohhh, yes!" Kate sighed. "Yesss. Please don't stop!"

After fondling and suckling her perfect boobs until she was too sensitive to take any more, I dropped down between her legs. My fingers explored her wet pussy as Kate gasped. I used the thumb of one hand to massage her clit as I slid first one, then two, and finally three fingers from the other into her warm, wet slit. Moments later, I placed my mouth over her entire vagina and slid my tongue inside of her and then up and over her clit. Kate gasped. I ran my back down and then slowly up and over it again. "Oh, my...God!" Kate screamed. "No one has ever done that for me before," she gasped.

"Does that feel good to you, honey?" I asked in between licks.

"Oh, yesss. It feels so..." I felt Kate's entire body tense.

"Go ahead, sweetheart. Cum for me. Cum hard."

I raised up so I could kiss her and keep fingering her as she came. "Oh...my...GOD!!" she gasped. Her body shuddered uncontrollably over and over until it began to subside. Kate was shaking and trembling.

"That was the most...amazing thing...I've ever...experienced." 

She was still gasping for air as I said, "And for me it was outside on the patio. I love you, Katie."

"I love you, too, Cal," she said.

I began fingering her again and she said, "Oh, no. It's okay. I already finished."

I kissed and said, "No, you haven't. Women can have multiple orgasms and there's no way I'm letting my future wife start off our life together with just one."

I slid my fingers back inside her as Kate said, "I hope I just heard you correctly." She was already gasping again—her breathing coming in short breaths. "Did you just say 'future wife'?"

Her pussy was utterly drenched in her own juices. "You did hear correctly. I love you and I want to marry you." I began rolling her love button between my thumb and index finger. 

"Oh, my God!" Kate screamed.

"Was that a 'yes'?" I teased as I increased the pressure.

"Oh, shit! Oh, yes!" Kate forced herself to control her breathing long enough to say, "I mean, yes, that was most definitely a 'yes' to your proposal," she said as she panted heavily. "Can you please fuck me now?" she begged. Please?"

I lifted myself up on top of her and lowered my cock to the front of her vault. "Are you ready for my cock, baby?"

Kate was biting her lip. "I've been ready since I saw you raking leaves in the backyard. Please get your beautiful cock inside me right now. Pleeeease!"

I was amazed at how wet and yet how tight she was. I slid in effortlessly and as I did I felt Kate contract her muscles to squeeze my cock tight. She was so wet I was able to take her all the way to the hilt of my nine-inch cock without stopping. I held it there until she screamed and then began fucking her with reckless abandon. I pounded her furiously until I felt her body tense again.

I was now panting as hard as she was. "Are you ready to cum again, honey?" I asked.

"God yes! Don't pull out. Cum inside of me—please!"

I released my entire load which had been building up for weeks. I rarely ever masturbated but there were times I had to have some kind of release. My last time had been after our dinner when I wanted her so badly I couldn't take it any longer but thought I'd never see her again. Just as I'd experienced then, I now felt stream after stream of hot, sticky goo fire off one after the other. But instead of hitting the shower wall, these streams went deep inside of my lover. Spent, I lay on top of her gasping for breath.

We lay in one another's kissing and caressing each other until we both fell asleep. Neither of us even showered or bothered to brush our teeth. We just drifted off and slept soundly until the morning sun woke us the next day.

Chapter 3

I awoke first. I turned over and saw Kate laying next to me. As I looked at her beautiful face I wanted to just stay there and relive every moment from last night but I felt compelled to reach out and brush her long, dark hair away from her face. As I did, Kate stirred and then moaned softly as she stretched.

"Mmm. I really am here," she said in a raspy, still-sleepy kind of voice. "I was afraid I dreamed last night and that I'd wake up alone again." She slid closer to me and put her arm across my chest. "Did I dream last night or did you really mean what you said? If it was a heat-of-the-moment thing, I'll understand. It was still an amazing night regardless," she purred.

I turned over on my side and put arm around her shoulders. I leaned over and kissed her cheek and said, "I meant every word I said. I love you and I'm in love with you. And yes, I really do want to marry you, Katie."

Kate purred as she snuggled in close. "This is the first time I can ever remember being happy. My first year with Andy was pleasant, but I never felt...like this. In fact, I've never felt this way about anyone or anything. I'm in love with you, too." Kate raised her head, looked into my eyes, then kissed me softly before saying, "And you're the man I'm in love with. I love you, Cal."

Kate kissed me again then whispered, "Just lay still. It's your turn to receive." As she made her way down my face, neck, and torso, she kissed my body all along the way. She threw the sheets off to expose my nude body and said, "I'm not only in love with you, I am in love with your beautiful body. I honestly wouldn't care if you didn't have a single rip or cut on you but this is just such an incredible bonus. I feel like I won the lottery!"