6 comments/ 13575 views/ 1 favorites The Road Ahead Ch. 02 By: CraCyn55 Sandy and I had spent a full hedonistic weekend in sexual excess. That may not seem strange to many of you who live liberated lifestyles or just dream of glutinous promiscuity. I was raised in a strict religious culture and was married and remained loyal to my marriage vows for more than twenty five years. It's true that I was married to two different women, two very sexually different women indeed and need. That's the reason I had sex with two women in my life, so having sex, over and over for even a weekend with a woman I wasn't married to any longer was as dramatic a departure for me as possible. Those of you who read the first part of this story, "The Road Ahead", realize I had been tenderized through an immense curiosity about sex that thrived in the banquet of pornography freely available on the internet. Mentally I had become motivated by lust and susceptible to extramarital sex with the first available hot blooded female who was likeminded or at least receptive. Sandy was much more than that, she had been my first wife, and was the real architect of our divorce many years previous because she had opened the door to sexual addiction in her own life, and left me behind then, early in our marriage. I was locked in a warm comfortable prison of provinciality of my own making. Now I was much older, and regretted the fact that in my own personality makeup, I had never allowed room for me to be a self centered "bad boy" who could take sexual pleasure any way he wanted, and without concern for consequence; I didn't have a clue as to how I could change. Even now in my life, I was too obsessed with the need to understand how and why people fell under the spell of sexual need, to learn how to simply take what I wanted. I was too interested in what other people wanted to just assume control over them, even though that's what I wanted to do. When I was a young man I learned to have faith in myself and those around me by not questioning the if's in life and history, I accepted the if's in life, and worked to understand the why's and how's. This was most notable in Old Testament Bible class. While friends around me questioned IF the miraculous events described in the Old Testament actually happened, I assumed they did, and then worked to understand how and why they happened. I felt like I came out miles ahead in understanding and attitude, and I believed that the same thing might work in a strange way now. As I read the sexy stories I've referred to, I stopped making judgments about people's honesty or character, I assumed what they said was true and honest to themselves (even if it happened to be just fantasy) and then I tried to understand how they could say the things they said and feel the things they claimed they felt, and at the same time do the things they did. I started to read the public comments about stories whenever I could, and tried to interview or talk to authors or characters whenever possible to expand my understanding; I knew just where to begin. THE INTERVIEWS #1 - Sandy It was natural that the first subject of my curiosity would be Sandy, my ex-wife and first extramarital sex partner, be my first target or subject. It was a good step I thought, because I had enough personal knowledge of her early sexual awakening to gauge how honest and open she was. Sandy was a little suspicious of me at first, I think there was still something in the back of her mind that made her apprehensive, maybe she was still afraid that the hurt and pain she thought she laid on me still simmered way down deep inside, and that revisiting details would open wounds in me that she hoped would stay closed and healed, and not come between us again. Reluctantly she started to relate the old stories and watched closely for signs in my reaction. I was first curious about the stat of mind that led her to consider violating the vows we made to each other the first time. "I didn't think I considered the possibility of my unfaithfulness at the beginning." She said. "I simply allowed myself to feel unsatisfied with the way things were going in our life...in my life really. I guess to be honest; I was starting to become selfish." She admitted. "The more I thought about my life, the more selfish I became and the more unsatisfied I was with our life." I asked her what role sex itself played in her surrender to selfishness. "In some ways, I think my views about love, romance and sex are different from most women. I reasoned, in my own mind." She said. "That real sexual pleasure and love or romance were somehow incompatible. To me, sex could only be at its best and fullest, if it had nothing to do with love, if it was only committed under the power of lust and self need. In that frame of mind, I believed I would never experience full sexual fulfillment unless it was in some illicit adulterous form. Even then, I was convinced that I would remain loyal and true to you, I was resigned to giving up sexual fulfillment forever as a reasonable sacrifice for a successful marriage. As I look back now, I think I felt like some kind of a martyr, and somehow pure and saintly because of it. "If that's true then, how did you let yourself go with Darren?" I asked. When I mentioned his name with such recollection and familiarity it seemed to shock her and bring us closer to the intimacy in her seduction. "I realize now, more than I would have admitted then, that I was really attracted to Darren in a purely sexual way." Sandy said. "I should have been much more afraid than I was, but in reality, I think I sensed what was happening, and wanted to be led into wickedness. I was terrified of complete sexual fulfillment and thought if I experienced it even once, I would be lost to the need of it forever, but way down deep inside, I really wanted to be lost." "I had teased and flirted shamelessly with him for days and I knew I was playing with fire. When I stood close to him I wanted him to get fresh with me. When he put his hand on my leg I almost screamed yes, that I wanted him to touch me, any way he wanted." "I was too excited to even be relieved when he moved his hand up my leg, and every part of my body ached to be touched by him. I know he could feel me tremble as he caressed my legs, my thighs, and my ass. When he slipped his fingers under the waist band of my panties and pantyhose, I wanted him to strip them down and bare my ass, but he didn't. When he concentrated on my bare back and tummy and then caressed my breasts through my bra, I wanted him to completely strip me and, god forgive me Ted, I would have let him fuck me there right then or in the open mall if he wanted, but he only made me take off my bra. That first time he only hinted at the things he was going to do to me. He got my bra off and took off my panty hoes, but in reality he had stripped me of all my resistance from then on. He knew he could do anything he wanted because he knew I wanted him to." Sandy looked flushed and embarrassed, and at the same time she was obviously excited. . Before we proceeded, I said I wanted to see what effect this was having on her, and told her to take off her clothes. Sandy almost choked in surprise, but looked at me with sparkling eyes, alive with interest and awakening arousal, and she studied the crotch of my slacks to see if she could tell how I was reacting. I discretely hid my firm interest, and remained still until the pressure of silence was noticeable, then she stood, and calmly started to take of her clothes. When she was down to panties and bra she let me enjoy her in them and see the way they made her body look before she asked me if this was far enough. I said nothing, just waited until she unclasped her sheer bra and slipped it of and then slid the almost transparent sheer panties down and off her beautiful ass and legs. She had not expected to be exposed naked like this with me, particularly in this more one sided context, and so she had not shaved her pussy like she sometimes did. She looked a little embarrassed because so many women shaved themselves bare these days, particularly if they thought they were going to be looked at naked. I told her I preferred her delicate bush, and thought she looked more natural and un made-up this way and it made it seem more intense and forbidden, like I was really looking at something I shouldn't. I told her I hoped she would never shave herself completely, just keep the lips of her pussy smooth and her bush trimmed back. She looked at me and blushed crimson as her nipples hardened and then she slowly opened her legs so I could see the shiny wetness of her arousal. Sandy's breathing was already deep and throaty as I asked her how long it took for her to go all the way with Darren, and completely commit adultery. Sandy stiffened a little as my language made her defensive, and I felt certain there was a considerable amount of shame added to her arousal. I wanted deep conflicting emotions to wrestle in her mind and was pleased to see her shift nervously; she must have felt even more naked than before. "Darren teased and tormented me that next day. I had worn my sexiest lingerie even though it would be considered conservative by most, and I flirted with Darren shamelessly in every way I could imagine. I didn't have a garter belt and stockings which he said he preferred, but I left my legs bare because it was his next favorite way; I knew you would have had questions if you had seen me and was glad you were already at work when I got dressed. When I finally saw Darren sitting at the sunken area of the floor, late in the afternoon, I almost ran to his side." "He ignored me for a long time and then just before I gave up and walked away, his hand was back on my bare leg. My pussy was already soaked, it had been that way since the day before, and in my mind, I hoped desperately for something warm and hard and fat to fill it. He caressed everything like before, finally running the edge of his hand and index finger between my warm thighs, almost rubbing along my wet slit. The hand moved then to my waist testing how high my panties rode on my waist, and then it moved again to my bare tummy and smooth back. Soon it was up again caressing and fondling my tits and studying my bra by touch and once again; by then I was straining toward orgasm. His hand slid sensuously down to my ass and pulled the back of my panties all the way down below the slope of my full ass cheeks." "With my whole ass nakedly exposed to his touch he slid his fingers into the cleft of my ass and gently toyed with my sensitive puckered hole before he slid his teasing finger forward, along and between the wet slippery lips of my pussy. God I was in agony and hunched down to suck his fingers up into me. He didn't push inside but continued forward until he probed against my aroused and erect clit. "Oh shhhhhiiiiiiiittttt." I growled out as my body convulsed in a shaking quivering orgasm and cum flooded from between my legs." "My legs were so weak, I slumped forward onto my hands and knees, and then I felt Darren lift the back of my skirt and push it all the way up to the center of my back. There I was on my hands and knees like a bitch in heat, with my ass naked to his view and all I could do was reach back to pull my panties down and off so I could spread my knees and expose my hungry cunt to him. If the whole store space filled with people, all watching, I would still be in heaven." "With gentle authority Darren caressed my exposed slit already soaked with my own cum, and finally slid two fingers deeply into my hungry pussy." Oh gooooodddddddddd." I drawled out as he started to pump his fingers in and out of my sucking cunt and I trembled with the delicious tingling of arousal building to crescendo again." "I moaned from his expert finger fucking until I was climbing the walls and begging for everything. I urgently pulled my dress all the ay up until it spilled over my head and would have torn off my bra as well if I had had the strength. I screamed out in passion as an incredible climax raced through me again forever and Darren continued to pump and milk me dry. When I was almost lifeless with exhaustion and wallowing in the mellow afterglow of orgasm, Darren patted my ass and told me to put my panties back on so you wouldn't get suspicious, and then he stood and went back to work. I stayed there for a long minute or two, not bothering to pull my dress back into place; I may even have fallen asleep for all I know. Darren ignored me until I stood up and then put my panties back on hoping he was watching." "Even then, when you went that far, he didn't fuck you?" I asked, feeling the arousal building in me as well. Sandy teased a lazy finger along her wet slit while she pinched a swollen nipple with the other hand, and then said. "He didn't fuck me until we got back to the new store from the movie." "The movie?" I asked. "I never heard about anything that went on in a movie." I said. Sandy knew it had always been important to me that she was honest in full disclosure, not holding anything back as she confessed her infidelities that led to the end of our marriage. The fact that she held so much back originally had made me certain that she wouldn't change and I couldn't help. She knew how important it was and was visibly concerned as she started to explain what had happened. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier Ted, I'm sure I thought I did." She said full of new regret. "Darren had strung me along teasing me for several days and then I had a whole weekend to to try and muster up my courage and resolve to stop it all. I intentionally wore a pant suit Monday to signal my resolve, and Darren didn't try to hide the fact he didn't like me dressed that way. I explained I had a meeting and the outfit was needed. Later that day, he took me by the hand and led me from the mall to his truck without telling me where we were going." "Darren drove us to the Valley Mall, and parked. When he led me in he was carrying a bag in his other hand and pulled me to the theater ticket booth. I was puzzled when he bought two tickets for the first showing available; not even a decent movie as I recall. The house was almost empty and he selected seats at the very back, in a ways from the isle. When we got settled he wanted to start making out, and I wasn't too excited about the idea. Kissing was for romance and love, and what we were doing had nothing to do with that. He insisted however, and pretty soon the French kissing was just as dirty and nasty as everything else we had done." "Then he really surprised me when he broke away and told me to take off all my clothes. I told him he was crazy, but he got really insistent and told me he had other things for me to wear out when we left, and patted the bag he had been carrying. I ended up taking off my clothes." "All your clothes?" I asked feeling my penis stiffen again. "All my clothes," she said; "Everything except my high heels at least. I couldn't believe I was sitting there naked in a regular movie theater, even if it was almost empty. Everyone else, including Darren was fully dressed. Towards the end of the movie, Darren opened my legs and finger fucked me to a wild and noisy orgasm. I hoped everyone else in there knew exactly what was happening to me." He had me so turned on he had to dress me again in the sexy clothes and then he took me back to the store. While he was tongue kissing me in the truck before we left, Mrs. Young from church saw us and it made me feel so slutty." "It was when we got back to the new store that he fucked me for the first time. I told you about it in detail and I think I told you that we fucked over and over for the rest of the afternoon until after closing time." "I wonder now, if my attempt to romance you that night after you got home made me look like a pathetic looser." I said, wondering how sexless I must have seemed stacked against the heady intensity of the nasty things they were doing. "I don't see how anyone could measure up against what was happening. Was Darren much bigger than me?" I asked obviously challenged with a fresh new sense of insecurity. "Ted, you have to know that all of the terrible things that were happening to you...the terrible things I was doing to you had nothing to do with you, your abilities, capabilities or desirability as a man. With the screwed up way I was looking at life, the same thing could have happened if you and Darren switched places, except that you could never have been as selfish as Darren was. As far as your cock is concerned, you are every bit as impressive as he was. The only thing different, was attitude, approach and circumstances. The sex you and I had after we visited Cyn and Craig that night, a few weeks ago, was the best sex I have ever had in my life, the most satisfying and intense. I hope you know that." It was time for a break, I had to pee and I wasn't sure if I'd be able to get it out through a cock that had been hard for hours. I went to the bathroom in Sandy's master bedroom suite and after clearing my mind of the graphic images that had flooded it and with the help of the sound of running water in the nearby sink I was finally able to let loose my load of pent up piss. Relaxing led to the awareness of hunger and since it was mid afternoon already, I thought we could both make use of at least a salad. In the bedroom I saw lying on the loosely made up bed, the silky red nighty with spaghetti straps that Sandy had apparently wore the night before, and picked it up to feel the silky smoothness between my fingers. I smiled as I thought about what she must have looked like in it and walked into the front room with the nighty still in my hand where I found Sandy, still waiting nude. "I'm hungry, and don't want to fix anything here right now, here, get dressed." I said as I laid the silky material in her lap. "You can't be serious." She said as she looked up at me in shock. "This is my nighty, and it barely covers me up." "It'll cover enough of what I'm looking at right now." I said. Besides, girls wear things just like this to disco's all the time these days." "That's to go clubbing and dancing at night, not to wear in the middle of the afternoon." She protested. "It's for comfortable sleeping, so you feel naked, it's not meant to be worn with underwear." "I don't want you to wear underwear with it." I said. I like seeing you like you are and want you to be as close to naked as possible." "I'll be arrested!" Sandy exclaimed. "I enjoy taking risks, but I don't want to end up in jail for public indecency." "Come on." I continued. "We're both too hungry to argue and you are obviously too excited to resist anyway; look at your nipples. I'll bet your sweet pussy is absolutely flooding." Sandy looked away blushing but the heat radiating in her countenance was undeniable. She shivered, took a deep breath and then stood up and slipped the flimsy garment over her head. If I had already worked myself up so much I think I would have changed my mind. The nighty accentuated her nakedness, it didn't really hide it. Her breasts were full and firm enough to threaten to slip out of their covering at any instant, and her excited nipples poked out like sewing thimbles. They as big around as a finger tip and stood out well over half an inch from her quivering bosom. The nighty hung to about three inches from her pussy at the front and just barely below the bottom swell of her ass cheeks from behind. Anyone even standing behind her would at least be imagining the sight of her naked ass, and if someone were sitting, they would surely know she had no panties on. Shit she looked hot. I walked behind her to the car and listened to the click of her black high heels on the pavement as my penis stiffened from the sight in front of me. Sitting in the car, she could barely hide the ebony strands of her pussy hair as we drove along. Sandy begged me to choose a fast food restaurant so we could at least use the drive up lane to order and pick up our food. I saw a Wendy's in the next block and moved in that direction; Sandy was relieved until I pulled into a parking stall instead of driving into the pick up lane. The Road Ahead Ch. 02 God no she muttered under her breath as I switched off the ignition and pushed the door lock button to unlock the doors with a loud ominous click. I got out and came to her side to help her out and her palm was sweaty as she clutched my hand in a vice-like grip. Together we walked into the restaurant and I told her to find a seat while I picked up a couple of salads. I notice she found a small table in an un-crowded corner behind a five foot high wall partition and took a chair that would place her facing into the corner and away from the line of sight from other customers. I smiled that she had been able to find such a secluded and hidden site. I collected our salads, picked up condiments dressings and utensils and then took them all on the tray to our table. I sat down briefly in the chair facing out and looked around to what I could of the general area. Since it wasn't during a meal-time rush we were essentially to ourselves. Sandy looked nervous, but excited, and I smiled slightly as I told her to trade seats with me. "I'm left handed." I said. "That way I won't be elbowing the wall." I couldn't hide my smile as I stood; Sandy knew the real reason I wanted her facing out into the room. She looked around furtively, took a gulp of from her drink to moisten her parched mouth and then quickly moved to the seat I had vacated, keeping low and behind the partition while she did. We started to eat and I noticed that Sandy picked at her own salad as she kept looking around. I'm not sure if she wanted to make sure no-one came into the area, or was hoping someone would. While I was busy eating I noticed her freeze as her gaze locked on someone or something else. I heard the noise of a chair moving and someone sitting down and knew someone had entered the area. I tried to be natural as I looked around and over my shoulder, and saw that a man, probably in his early fifties like us had sat down. He was alone and chosen one of the four chairs that gave him direct line of site to Sandy. I know he didn't want to seem obvious in his interest, but there was no mistaking the fact he was. Sandy was so focused on the new arrival, she hadn't seen me look, and I asked her what was wrong, since she was still frozen in thought and not eating. She looked back at me with suddenness since I had interrupted her and said that a man had just sat down opposite her. "So," I said. "go on, you're not eating." She started picking at her salad again between quick glances to see if the stranger was looking. When I interrupted her again, asking what was wrong. She whispered, loudly enough that he could probably hear, that he was looking at her. I could see the bumps from her hard nipples plainly so both the man and I knew she was turned on, unless he was dense as a hockey puck. "So," I said. "You know you're an exhibitionist; you want him to look." I wanted the man to hear me, to know that I knew, and that I was encouraging her. I remember a segment in a pornographic DVD of "Sunshine Skirt Chasers", where a beautiful girl in Florida sat in a booth much like this one in probably a Dunkin Donuts shop. That seemed to be a favorite flashing venue for the producer, and as I looked around, I was struck with the similarities. In the segment, the girl was wearing a much more conservative floral print dress that buttoned all the way up the front. As she looked nervously into the camera, pulled her dress up and scissored her legs open and closed to show she had already taken off her panties in the library sequence. The girl ended up unbuttoning each and every button, showing she still had her conservative white support bra on. She stood, with her dress fully unbuttoned and pulled apart so you could see the full nakedness of her body, and it seemed she would slip the dress from her arms and remove her bra as well, but alas you didn't see her fully nude until she stripped naked at the side of her van and re-dressed in other clothes. I remembered the segment well, the natural nervousness of the girl made it seem very real, and yet it was done as a commercial production. I wanted to see the same nervousness in Sandy and wasn't disappointed at all. I wanted the man to see it as well. After what seemed like an eternity of fidgeting, crossing her legs, then re-crossing them the other way several times, Sandy looked directly at the man, not pretending or avoiding visual contact. He must have looked at her and signaled his real interest, because she smiled back, and then biting her lower lip, she squared in her seat to face him. Slowly she started to part her thighs. The skirt of her silky nighty was at an almost modest height about half way up her thighs as she sat up straight or slightly forward; during the shifting and fidgeting, I'm sure the man had seen her pussy, but the glimpse was so fleeting he probably wasn't really sure what he had seen. Her knees were about fifteen inches apart and he could have seen everything even with the soft red skirt partially hiding things, I know I could and he had a better line of site than me even if he was further away. I turned to look at him, and he was smiling and gesturing for her to move her legs further apart. Neither Sandy nor I wanted to upset or offend someone who wasn't interested, but this stranger definitely was. The man's interest made Sandy bold, and she spread her legs as far apart as she could, and then pulled the hem that was already pulled higher up to her waist to reveal her whole naked sex to him. My cock was rock hard and as I quickly looked, the stranger's was as well. He was openly stroking it as it snaked down the leg of his pants. I looked at Sandy and broke into her fantasies as I said, "Show him your tits, pull it up more." She was lost in lust as she looked ready to start masturbating right there in front of us, but I had shocked her. With eyes glazed by lust Sandy stared at the man and pulled her gown up above her tits, just under her chin. Sandy fed some of the material into her mouth and bit down tightly to hold it there while she released it from her hands and moved them to her throbbing nipples. Her eyes closed as she worked her erect buds between thumbs and fingers, pinching them firmly, and then one hand trailed sensuously down over her naked tummy, through the soft black hair covering her mound and slid the fingers into the dewy slit between her red and swollen lips. The slick moisture was obvious and her fingers glistened before she slid them deeply into her waiting tunnel. She was going all the way with this as she stuffed two then three fingers deep into her and then brought her other hand into play to concentrate on her clit as she shamelessly masturbated in front of us. I was too absorbed watching Sandy to notice or care if anyone else had come onto the scene, and I suspected the other man was as well. Sandy fingers worked fast and desperately to bring her to an orgasm that had her bucking on the wooden chair. I thought I would cum if I touched my cock anymore and gripped the table top with both hands while I watched her shudder and quiver and shake through a tumultuous orgasm. It wasn't until she released the material of her nighty from the grip of her teeth and let it fall back into place as she slumped back in afterglow that I took stock of the situation. The man and I were still the only others there and he looked more spent than either of us. A large wet spot had formed in the upper leg of his pants, where he had splashed a full load of cum. All of a sudden, Sandy and I both scrambled quickly to make sure we weren't leaving anything behind like wallets or cell phones, jumped up and ran from the store. We must have looked like burglars on the getaway as we left everything else on the table and rushed to the car. As we drove away, I said shaking, "I don't believe what we just did." "We," squealed Sandy. "I'm the one who masturbated in front of strangers." "Strangers?" I asked. "It was just me and one stranger." I reminded her. "Someone others were just coming into the area." She said. "That's what made me cum so fucking hard. Thank heavens they changed their mind...but I wanted them to, I wanted everyone to come in. That's the first time I've been over the top like that since I first started stripping and really loved showing off. We giggled and laughed and relived the entire thing several times in conversation before we got back to Sandy's place. When we were relaxed and back in the great room talking, like we had been earlier, Sandy was still wearing the nighty. The visions the red fabric called up made me content to let her keep it on for a while. "What was the most exciting thing Darren made you do before I confronted you?" I asked, and casually picked up my notebook to add to my notes. "I think I've told you about all the things I did. I don't know if taking my panties off in our neighbor's driveway while she was looking, or being fucked in the salon by Darren's friend while others watched was more mind boggling." She said. I think in general, shocking people gave me a real kick. I didn't have to show my nudity to someone who knew me to be thrilled. To let them in on what I was doing seemed shocking enough. Teri didn't see anything, but I was really excited by what I knew she was guessing and figuring out." Did it make you excited to imagine me finding out?" I asked, and I knew this question really hit hard. Sandy looked at me for a long time as she carefully considered what to say, and how to say it. "Trying my best to honest Ted," she said. "The things that were happening to me...things I wanted to happen and let happen were completely exciting and addictive Ted. But there was another element added to it when I considered you and the kids. Doing dirty nasty things that were forbidden was terribly powerful, but doing them to, god forgive me, to such innocent and decent people as you and our family made me feel so guilty and slutty, that I knew I didn't deserve you." "I wanted you to find out even though I was sure our marriage would end. I know you don't believe I loved you, and that I probably never had, and that I somehow I didn't love the kids or resented our life together, but I don't think that's true Ted. I think I did love you all...because I never stopped loving you all." "A lot of people don't think it's possible to love someone Sandy, and then knowingly hurt them." I said. "But I don't agree. We both loved or kids, equally but still differently. We loved each other still differently than we did our kids, and our family differently than we did each other." Sometimes we do things in response to a need that hurts someone else we love because those same things conflict with what we ordinarily do to show our love for the someone else. Your love for yourself became more important to you than your love for me or for us, and it revealed different needs that you wanted to satisfy." "That makes me sound like a really selfish bitch." Sandy said. "You were." I added. While we were at Wendy's today, you were thinking about your need, and how much you wanted to shock us." Sandy looked concerned, maybe threatened at what I said, but it was true. "The difference now is that you knew I wanted you to do what you were doing, and in addition to wanting to shock me, you wanted to please me as well. The thing that made it different was that we were doing it together." "That's true," said Sandy. "But like I was hinting at a few minutes ago, there was an element of the forbidden that was made more dramatic when the ingredient of me cheating on you was included. Why didn't I feel like I needed to cheat on you today in order to get the full kick out of what was happening?" "Circumstances are different today." I said. "In the first place, we're not married anymore." "I know." Sandy said, in a subdued way. We both paused for several moments while we considered all that we had said and what was still on the table. "Ted, I know we haven't said anything and I don't want to say anything now that might get in the way of how much I enjoy the time we've been spending together, but both of us have admitted that we still have feelings for each other...have you ever wondered if we might get back together, officially...I mean have you ever thought we might marry again?" She asked seriously. "I don't know." I said, I haven't even started to really date again yet, so I'm not serious enough with anyone to think about getting married yet." I kept a straight face but Sandy quickly saw through my little charade. "You know what I mean you shit." She said broadly grinning. "I've thought of the possibility Sandy." I admitted. "If I've got this selfish side to me, wouldn't we be doomed to disaster then...if we were married again I mean." Sandy said somberly. Sandy, any marriage is doomed to failure unless the man and women determine ahead of time to take divorce off the table, and resolve to COMMUNICATE!" "You mean that communication is the key, and it will fix any problem then." Sandy said incredulously. "Hell no," I said firmly. "COMMITMENT is the key, equal commitment by both. Communication is the door that has to be unlocked by the key, but beyond that nothing will happen if the unlocked door swings open and either party waits outside, or is left behind." "Do you mean that if we were committed in marriage, and communicated honestly, that we would end up doing things like we did today, wild things like Darren and others have made me do?" She asked. Her nipples were hard again and she was fidgeting in that deliciously exciting way. "I'm saying that anything is on the table for discussion and agreement or compromise Sandy. I'm feeling pretty selfish myself now days so any couple needs to be unafraid to discuss even the nasty little wicked fantasies that excite them." I think you enjoy being led into wild situations, but if I guess wrong, you need to have the courage to correct me. You need to guess what I like as well and I have the responsibility to set you straight if necessary. The important thing is this, we would both need to share our fantasies and honest hopes with each other, and above all, at least have the courage to think about, imagine and guess what the other needs. If we were confident with each other and our marriage, we shouldn't be afraid of screwing things up with the wrong guess. If you made a mistake, I wouldn't throw you out; commitment would still be the key." "OK, take today as an example, another man became involved, at least to a limited degree. What if we were married and...things got out of hand. I got too excited showing off, and he did to. I don't think he would have ended up fucking me in Wendy's, but who knows what could have happened, when risk is part of the thrill. What would have happened if someone else would have fucked me, and you and I were married?" There, she had said out loud what both of us had wondered and worried about, at least once since these feelings had started to grow between us again. We were both quiet as we independently considered the implications of Sandy's question. Were we coming to agreement or headed for compromise. I wondered just where in hell all this was going and wasn't sure I had thought it all out ahead of time well enough to open my mouth. "I think if fair to admit that doing something socially or morally wrong can become addictive, because there may be too much short time pleasure to resist a second or third time try at the same thrill. That's what trapped you in the first place." I said. "And then there was no turning back. Neither of us knows for sure how to answer that question, and the old caution comes to mind, be careful playing with fire, because you just might end up getting burned." "To be honest Sandy, the biggest problem with what you did while we were married really wasn't limited to the fact you had sex with someone else, multiple times. It was that you stopped loving me equally. Your selfish side took over and ultimately, part of your pleasure came from doing what you could to hurt me, and cause me pain." Sandy's head shot up and there was the clear sign of defense and denial in her eyes. "Come on Ted, I've admitted to being selfish, but it was in spite of the pain I knew I would cause you, not in any way because of it." Sandy stated forcefully. "I loved you and the kids; I told you I still do." She said as her eyes filled with tears and she openly sobbed. "I'm not trying to hurt you Sandy." I said softly. "I just want us to both be honest. We sometimes do the very things we don't want to because our minds become so attached through a guilty conscience that we can't think of a positive alternative. We become trapped by our own conscience and the very despair that's caused by the things we choose. When people refer to self abuse, it goes far deeper than masturbation or self gratification. We abuse ourselves and all of those around us in a never ending spiral downward. It may seem weird, but the love you professed for me and the kids became a catalyst for destruction that you couldn't break away from." "The only difference now is that we both know this, and if we got married again, we would be going into the relationship with eyes wide open." I said to reassure her. "I was quite certain that you were worried about this a little at least, because I think you know that cheating itself became a big part of the thrill. You were afraid to tell me, not just because you were afraid of the consequences, the longer you snuck around and cheated the bigger the consequence bomb became, so there was incentive to watch it grow; like trying to see how big a bubble you could blow with bubblegum or how big you could blow up a balloon before it blew up with a bang." "Another difference now though, is that you know what would happen if you tried to leave me behind sexually again. I would expect the same from you if I left you behind. Once again, the key is commitment, the doorway is communication. When I get married again...if I get married again, my partner will be willing to place and consider everything on the table and will commit to work on an equal footing with me." I left it at that, wanting her to take a long, long time to think about things before I considered proposing again. I had learned after the divorce to hold back a little; declarations and promises of love are meant for willing ears, not impatient tongues. Some people call it "playing hard to get". ---------------------------------------- Ted and Sandy go forward with their life in the North West, and incorporate activities with the other characters that have been introduced in their story and with Cyn and Craig. If you're bored with their lives and philosophies and the wild things they have done and might do, I'll bid you farewell and wish you a good life. If you're interested in peeking in on their lives some more, let me know. Maybe if you have a favorite fantasy, they'll be happy to act it out, please share it with me. If any of you have photos that help illustrate the fantasy, I'll try an illustrated version, or if you prefer, I'll just keep the photos and ideas for your own private inspiration to me. Thanks for staying with me on this work; the stories all relate, except the ones about Lynette. Like I said it's been extremely taxing, and if no one other than me read it, it would have been OK anyway. The fact that thousands of others have read the stories as well humbles me, and I truly appreciate the time you aloud to feel good or bad for the characters involved. All of the comments are accepted, those that are negative as well as those that are insightful, I just enjoy the positive or constructive ones more. I feel deeply for the bitter ones that reflect pain and hope the best for you. It's like a favorite commentator on the radio said last night; "When you allow yourself to hate someone else, or to harbor anger, that person you hate has control over you." So be careful who you give that power to.