4 comments/ 49605 views/ 4 favorites Scenes from a Mall By: Mortice Freedom! I'm a fit, young, attractive girl, wanting to get out and see the world, but always constrained by the quiet conservative life which comes from growing up in a small town where everyone knows you. But I had just started at university (I had chosen one as far from my home town as I could find) and so I was free to do whatever I liked. It was 3 weeks after I had started at University, on a Saturday, when I decided to take my first step into my brave new world. I had read on the Internet about girls dressing up to look sexy and tease guys, and I wanted to do it myself. I had got a few sexy clothes, and I was going to go to a large shopping centre nearby, where I would hopefully catch the eye of some nice guys. I had bought a thong bikini in yellow, and a short, tight, halter neck dress in shiny dark blue. After a shower, I put on the bikini and then the dress on top. My hope was that sometimes guys would get a flash of the thong. I looked in the mirror, but it just didn't look right. The shape of the bikini top were obvious under the dress, and, since the dress had a low cut back, the straps of the bikini top were visible across my back. Well, I'd never gone out without a bra before, but I'd never done any of this before. I took off the bikini top, and let the dress support my breasts. I don't have huge breasts, but the dress showed off my cleavage well. It did feel strange, but very sexy, and it looked great. I practised flashing my thonged arse in the mirror. It wasn't difficult, since the dress was short and quite loose. I was hard to see what I would look like to an onlooker, but I think I was showing enough. I tried flashing my bikini covered pussy, too, but looking in the mirror I could see lots of unsightly hair poking out - I hadn't realised the bikini was so small! There was no other choice - I stripped off, got a razor out, and started shaving my pussy. I started just on the edges, but decided to go for it, and shaved my whole pussy bald - something I'd never one before. It felt very sexy, and it was all I could do to not start playing with myself right away, but then I'd never get to the shops. I put on some strappy heels and a long coat I'd bought to hide in, then picked up my bag and headed out to the bus stop. It was a warm day, so I let my coat fall open on the bus. I was terrified but very excited about the whole trip, But no-one on the bus seemed to notice. I got to the shopping centre and found a quiet corner. I took my coat off, exposing my undress for the first time to the public, then folded my coat up and put it in my bag. I headed for the main shopping area, where most of the people were. At first I got no reaction from anyone, but then some guys whistled at me from a balcony, and shouted out, "Nice tits darling!" My confidence boosted, I went up one of the escalators. I looked around to see a guy watching me, so I pretended not to notice and went to scratch my arse, lifting the back of my dress up in the process. I looked back to see him smiling broadly. I went upstairs and looked over a balcony. I leaned forwards over it, and I could see one guy nudging his friend and pointing up at my cleavage. I waited until they were both looking, then parted my legs a little. Their jaws dropped when they saw the yellow of my bikini - then I decided they had seen enough, and I walked on. While walking along the balcony, I saw a fit looking guy, mid-twenties, wearing red cycle shorts and a red teeshirt. He had quite a noticeable bulge in his shorts. He looked over to me, then did a double take when he saw what I was wearing. He turned towards me, which gave me a better look at his packet. I couldn't help staring, and he must have seen me doing it. He said, "Hi." I said "Hi" back, then thought that I should really say something more interesting. While trying to think of something witty, my mouth said the only thing that was in my head. "Did you come here by bike?" Why did I ask such a stupid question! But he answered, "No. If you mean the shorts, then I just like wearing them." I could have answered, "...and I like seeing you in them," but thankfully I didn't. While I was looking blank, he said, "You're looking ready for Summer yourself." I couldn't really tell him that I was out to titillate guys. I just said, "Thanks, I thought I'd do something a bit different." "Well you've sure done that. Would you like to get a cup of coffee?" And so we went for coffee, and chatted some more small talk about what we were doing and where we'd come from. His name was Steve, and he was also a student. After a time, he said, "So my guess is that you've never before worn that dress out in public, but you've often thought about it, and this is your first time away from home when you can do it. I've seen how you smile when guys stare at you as they walk past." "Yea," I said, "that's pretty much it." He smiled. "Me too - I love wearing tight gear and showing my body off." I looked at his crotch and raised my eyebrows. "So I see!" Then he said to me, "So uncross your legs then." I wondered why he wanted me too, but I did so. He added, "And move your knees apart!" I was at first shocked at the request, but then, what he wants is exactly what I came out to do. I pulled my knees apart, giving him a good flash of my bikini." Steve smiled, but then said, "I thought so - you haven't been doing this for long, have you?" "What do you mean?" He leant towards me. "Do you want to know how to really get the guys going?" Of course I did. "Of course I do!" He pointed, and said, "Go over there to the toilets, take off that thong you're wearing, and come back." Wow, that was quite a step! But I knew I had to do it. I went to the ladies toilet, and there pulled my bikini bottoms down, pulled down my dress as best I could, and returned to him. It was very strange, walking around in a short dress with nothing at all under it - another thing I'd never done before. When I got back to him, I couldn't help but sit with my legs crossed. "Have you done it?" I nodded, embarrassed. "Where is the thong?" I opened my bag to show him. He reached in and took them out, saying, "You won't need these any more. I'm saving you from the temptation of putting them back on later." At first I was horrified at the loss of my escape route. Then I realised I was turned on by his taking control of my state of undress. The only response I could give was, "Thank you." He said, "Now, uncross your legs again." I kept staring at his face, as I uncrossed my legs and parted my knees - the first time I had ever flashed my pussy at a guy. He smiled, saying, "Very good. You're even shaved, which is better than I expected. Now we need to try it out on someone." We left the coffee, and went over to lean on the balcony. A guy on his own on the floor below was looking up at us. Steve said, "He'll do. See what sort of reaction you can get." I looked down, but pretended not to look at him. I opened my legs a little, and I could see him looking up at me and shuffling around to get a better view. Then I opened my legs much more, and saw him just staring, open mouthed, at my bald naked pussy. I'm sure that he was still staring, even after I'd walked away. "So, " I said to Steve, "what sort of thing like that do you do?" He replied, "Watch and see." He leant back against a wall, as a girl walked past. As she was looking at the bulge in his shorts, smiling, he went to scratch his balls, but in doing so cupped his balls and pushed his cock up. The girl burst out in giggles, and had to look away, but couldn't help looking back.. We walked on. He said, "You girls have this game a bit easier than us guys. For one thing, you can wear skirts and dresses without underwear, which makes it easy to guys. The only options men have like that are tight shorts or kilts. And then you can do lots of things with breasts too." I replied, "I'm sure you could get other clothes to show yourself off." "Well if you see any, perhaps I'll try it out." I took that as a challenge. I saw something suitable in a girls clothes shop window, and took him in. Ten minutes later, he stepped out of the shop's changing room, wearing a little crop top teeshirt and his tight cycle shorts. It covered his upper body, but showed off his firm stomach very well. "Wow," I said, "that looks great." He looked awkward. "Do you think so? I've not tried anything like that before." I whispered to him, "If you want to find out if it works getting the girls' attention, why not ask one of the shop assistants?" He tapped a petite girl on the shoulder, and said, "Can you tell me what you think of this?" She turned around, then her jaw dropped. For a few moments she was speechless, then she said, "Um... yes... yes it looks very sexy... Uh, I mean very suitable! You're quite different from the usual girls we get in here, but I'm glad you came in." He said, "Thanks, I'll take it." "Ah, are you buying the shorts and the top?" "No, I was wearing the shorts when I came in." "Oh, I wish I'd seen that. If you take the top off... I mean, change into your other clothes, then I'll put it in a bag for you." "No thanks, " he said, "I'll keep it on." She looked amazed. "Are you sure?" He paid and we left the shop. Looking behind us, I saw all the girls in the shop crowded at the window staring at him. Steve said to me, "You're right, this does turn heads." "Yes, your previous teeshirt was hanging down covering your crotch bulge, but no chance of that now!" He said, "This top works well, but I don't think I would have chosen it for myself. I liked you picking it out for me." I replied, "It was good, too, when you told me to take off my bikini bottoms. I wouldn't have done that myself, but it was actually quite a turn-on to be told to do it." "Yes, it was a turn-on for me too, getting told what to wear. Actually, I know a dress which would look great on you." I was feeling brave. "Great, lets go buy it." He smiled. "Well, I was thinking of something else. It's a bit unusual, and of course you don't have to do it, but I think you'd enjoy it." This sounded interesting. "Go on." "Well, you go into the toilets, and hand me the dress you're wearing, then I give you the new dress. That way you have no choice but to wear whatever I give you. I promise it won't be too outrageous, but I also promise it won't be to boring. You'll have to trust me to pick something suitable for you." Now he was getting me very turned on! The thought of being given something sexy to wear, but having no control of what it was and no choice to not wear it sounded like the ultimate scene. "Yes, let's do it!" He grinned a broad, sexy smile. "Right, we can go to the mixed sex public toilets they have here. You go into one cubicle and I'll go in the next one. Give me your dress under the partition wall, then I'll go buy you another one." "You mean I'll have to wait while you buy it?" "Yes, you'll have to sit in there, naked, for as long as it takes me. And I want to take your watch so you don't know how long I've been, and your overcoat so you can't cheat." Some time later, I was sitting, naked except for shoes, no clothing with me, hoping he would return soon. It turned me on so much when I handed him my dress and heard him leave, that I had to put my fingers in my pussy and give myself an orgasm. It took all my willpower not to scream out as I came. A bag was pushed under the partition. Inside was a note, telling me he was waiting on the other side of the shopping centre, and a small bundle of yellow fabric. I picked up the dress. The front and back halves of it were attached together only with four metal rings on each side, so when I was wearing it, it would be quite obvious I had nothing on underneath! I pulled it on over my head. It was quite short, and had a low cut front to show off my cleavage, and a very low cut back. The rings showed lots of flesh at the sides. The fabric was quite thin, so my nipples poked through, and quite transparent, so it I hadn't shaved you would have been able to see my bush. I covered myself up as much as I could, and left the toilet to find Steve. I felt quite strange, walking through the shoppers in such skimpy attire. I turned the heads of both men and women. Finally I found Steve, grinning from ear to ear. "Wow you look great, very sexy," he said. "That dress shows off your nipples, and everyone knows what you're not wearing under it." I looked down to see the bulge in his shorts had got a lot bigger and stiffer. "Yes, I can see you like it!" He moved towards me, to use me as a shield. I was feeling adventurous, and quite horny, so I rubbed his stiff cock through the shorts. "My, you are excited, aren't you!" He said, "If you keep doing that, it could get very messy!" He put his arms around me, and I could feel him lifting my dress when he put his hands on my arse. We stared into each others eyes, and we kissed, a long, slow kiss. We smiled at each other for a moment, then he said, "Would you like to see where I got your dress?" We walked across the shopping centre, all the time both of us getting whistles and stares. He took me to a shop called 'Funky', which had lots of unusual shiny clothing in the window. We went in, and I was amazed by the range of dresses, shorts, skirts, tops, catsuits and other things in rubber, leather, PVC, and some fabrics I couldn't recognise. I said, "I could wear the whole shop!" We browsed for a while, and I wished I could afford everything. I came across some shorts which would be very sexy on Steve, and had an interesting extra feature, so I told him to go to the changing room. When he took his own shorts off, I grabbed them from under the door, but then waited a few minutes before giving him the new ones, along with a rubber shine spray and a bottle of lubricant. When he came out, he was wearing the tightest black shiny rubber shorts I had ever seen. There was no doubt he liked them - his erection was straining against the rubber. We browsed some more, paid, and left. I said, "So, are you wearing the shorts correctly?" He replied, "Yes, I am. It was quite a job to get it in, and I wouldn't have managed if I hadn't had the lube." I put my hand on his rubbered arse, to feel the base of the buttplug which was built into the shorts, and now stretching his arse. I pulled the plug out a little and pushed it back in. He smiled, "Ooo, but it does make for some interesting sensations!" He pulled a small box out of a bag, and said, "And I got you a little surprise too. It's a vibrating egg. You switch it on and then slip it into your pussy." That sounded like fun. "Thanks, I'll take it into the toilet and try it out." "No need," he said as he unscrewed the egg, flicked a switch to start it buzzing, then screwed it up again. He pushed me back against a wall, then, standing very close in front of me, kissed me as his hand moved under my dress and pushed first his fingers and then the egg into my pussy. As his tongue pushed into my mouth, I felt the vibrations deep within me, teasing my clit and turning me on. "There," he said, "how does that feel?" "Wow, what a sensation, constantly tingling me down there." He smiled as he said, "And it's not going to stop, unless you want to reach up under your dress in the middle of the shopping centre. We ambled on, pretending to browse the shops, but I couldn't forget about the egg buzzing away inside me. He said, "This stuff is a real turn-on for me. Would you like to go somewhere a bit more private and get to know each other better?" "Yes, of course I would, but I don't think it should be anywhere at all private." "I have an idea." Ten minutes later, and not a moment too soon, we were in the back row of a cinema. We got tickets for the only film showing in the afternoon, which was Bambi, but there were very few other people there. Steve pulled my dress off over my head, and threw it a few seats away, saying, "You won't need that any time soon." I pulled his top and shorts off, and threw them the same way. As we sat there, both naked, Steve said, "Have you ever tried these?" as he pulled a pair of handcuffs out of his bag. "I never have, but I'd like to. But if I'm going to get chained up, you are too." "What do you mean?" I took the cuffs and locked one end around one of my wrists, and the other around one of his. His locked up hand started stroking his hard cock. "Oh, being naked and chained up to you is such a turn-on!" I pulled my hand towards me, to pull his away from his cock. I said, "Let me do that," as my other hand felt his erection. His hand went down to push my vibrating egg and flick my clit, as my head went down to suck his cock. We stayed this way for some time, his hand all over my body, and my mouth sucking hard on his cock. Then I felt him lean back as he cried out, then cum gushed into my mouth - that made me cum too, and I would have cried out if I had not been gagged. We kissed, hugged, and rested, still naked and in each others arms. I realised that Steve must have screamed just as Bambi's mother died! We stayed huddled at the back of the dark cinema until everyone had left. I climbed along the seats, keen to get my dress back, but I couldn't find it! And Steve said he couldn't see his either. We decided after searching that someone had taken not only all of our clothes, but my bag too, and even our handcuff keys. We were naked and chained together, and there wasn't even anything nearby we could use to cover ourselves up. I was scared, but even then still turned on at our situation. I asked Steve, "Can I turn off this vibrating egg now?" "No," he said, "don't touch it until I tell you. Now, I think those rings on the floor over by the staff exit are the rings that used to be on your dress, so lets try that door." We sneaked over to the door, still quite naked, and Steve opened it, peering inside. We went in, to find our clothes and a note. The note read, 'Go to the shopping centre's rubbish collection point.' We put the clothes on, which was difficult when handcuffed. But they had been modified - my dress had had all the side rings removed, so it hung over my shoulders, covering my front and back, but there was nothing at the sides holding it together. And Steve's shorts had had the crotch and buttplug cut out, so when he put them on his cock fell out of the bottom. I could wear my dress and still be not illegally indecent, and Steve's shorts were okay as long as he pulled them down his hips like a mini-dress. His top had vanished. "Well," he said, "we'd better find the rubbish collection place." We left the cinema. Now people were just refusing to look at us, scantily dressed and handcuffed together. We had much trouble finding the 'rubbish collection point'. It wasn't on any maps, so we had to ask people. The first person we asked, a woman, said, "You people disgust me. Go away." The second, a man, said, "I'll tell you if she gives me a flash of her tits." The third, a man, said, "Get a room!" I did thing that was a good idea, but we carried on asking. The fourth, an elderly lady, was very helpful and told us exactly where it was. She added, "Fashion today is so different from my day, dears. We hardly ever wore handcuffs when we went out." Steve started dashing, but I pulled him back. With only one free hand, I couldn't make sure my hanging dress would cover my pussy, arse and breasts while running. Steve said that, as he ran, his cock had a risk of poking out from under his rubber mini-dress too. Walking slowly, and avoiding the abuse and wolf whistles, we got to the rubbish collection point. There we found my bag and another bag. Scenes from a Mall Steve opened the other bag, to find that it contained two long plastic coats. He checked the pockets, and found some money and a set of handcuff keys. I found that my bag was zipped shut, with a padlock securing it. Steve said, "I have the equipment back at my place to cut open that lock, and with these coats we won't look too silly on the bus back." I smiled, saying, "So I guess that means I'll have to come home with you?" "Ah, yes you will. At least that's one benefit of all this." "And you're not going to let me take this vibrator out, are you?" "No, don't touch it. That will keep you amused for a while, and I'll get it out later." He put one of the coats on. I grabbed the front of his shorts. I said, "If you're going to wear that coat to cover you, then you won't need these," as I pulled the shorts and tore them off him. He pretended to be shocked, and said, "Well you won't need this either then." He ripped my dress off. Once I'd put my coat on, Steve said, "I'm just going to make a little adjustment." He ripped out the insides of the pockets in my coat. Then he told me to put my hands in through the pocket holes, and handcuffed my hands together before closing the coat over them. "Right," he said, "that will make sure you don't get into any trouble before I get you home." I replied, Yes I think I'll be very obedient for you." Scenes from a Marriage Monday night In their rooms at the other end of the hall the children were both asleep. Matt and Lynn sat side by side in bed, propped up against their pillows. He was reading a book on the Civil War, she was editing a marketing report. With a tiny sigh, Matt closed his book and rolled sideways to gaze at his wife. He had always loved the way the tip of her tongue protruded just a bit from between her lips when she was concentrating. Pen poised above the paper, she absent-mindedly swept a stray lock of her dark hair back over one ear. "Lynnie?" "Mmm," she replied, without looking up. Matt waited, and after a moment she turned to look at him. "Do you love him?" Lynn became very still, and a little pale. She looked at him silently. She just couldn't bring herself to play the game—to say, "who?", or to try some ridiculous lie. Matt deserved better than that. "No," she said. "So then it's all just about the fucking?" "Matt, I—," she began, trying to hold his gaze. Then she looked down at the papers on her lap. "Yes—I guess it was about the sex. The flirting, and then the sex." "I see," he said. Silence. "I think I'd like you to sleep in the guest room," he said, his voice still calm and quiet. She nodded, and got out of bed, sliding her feet into her slippers. She reached for her robe on the chair. "Unless of course you fucked him in this bed. If you did that I'm never sleeping in it again." "No," she said, "I didn't do that." She wanted to say, "How could you think I would do such a thing?"—but it would be ridiculous, under the circumstances. Without another word Matt turned off the light on his night-table and put his head down on the pillow, his back turned to her. Lynn gazed at him for a minute, her face tight with pain. Then she quietly left the room, shutting the door behind her. **************** Friday night When Matt got home the house was full of delicious smells. He hung up his coat and Lynn came out of the kitchen to greet him with a smile, though she didn't dare come close. She had one of her pretty aprons on, the one she wore when guests were coming over. "Beth and Jason are having dinner at the Frankels'—I thought I'd cook us something nice tonight," she said, trying to keep the smile on her face. Matt glanced into the dining room. The table was set with a tablecloth, their good china, and two of their best wine glasses. There were candles, and cloth napkins in silver napkin rings. Matt nodded. "It smells good. Let me go wash up, and I'll be down in a few minutes." When he returned Lynn was just bringing the food in from the kitchen. She served each of them some of the roast chicken, along with julienned potatoes and green beans. A nice salad with orange slices stood to one side in a pretty bowl. They sat down and Lynn smiled brightly at her husband, though the strain was obvious in her face. "This looks very nice," Matt said. Then, unhurriedly, he stood up and climbed up onto his chair, so that he towered over the table. As Lynn looked on in confusion, then in horror, he unzipped his pants, pulled out his cock, and slowly, carefully, pissed all over the table. He doused the chicken, the side dishes, the salad bowl, and the freshly-filled glasses of wine. His urine soaked their plates and drenched the tablecloth. "Matt, what—!" Lynn cried out, almost involuntarily. Her eyes were wide with shock and dismay. Matt zipped back up and climbed down off the chair. He looked intently at Lynn. "I thought you might like to see what it feels like when someone pisses all over something you care about, something you've put a lot of time and love and effort into. I thought it might be a learning experience." Lynn didn't reply, just gazed back at her husband, tears sliding down her cheeks. Matt went to the closet, pulled out his coat, and left the house. **************** Sunday afternoon "I requested a transfer," she said. "Oh?" "They're moving me into the domestic marketing section, a week from tomorrow—I wanted it to be as soon as possible. I'll be in the building over on Union Street, away from ... away from where I am now." "And why did you request this transfer? I thought you liked the international section." "So I won't be around ... around Douglas. I won't be in the same office anymore." He stopped raking the leaves and turned to look at her, standing near him in her colorful fall sweater. "And this matters to me, why?" She looked both annoyed and hurt. "Because I won't be seeing him, that's all. I wanted you to know that." Her turned back to the raking. "Lynn, you already told me it was over. Surely I take you at your word and trust you completely—can you think of any reason why I wouldn't?" Stamping her foot a little she said, "dammit, Matt, do you really think your sarcasm is helpful?" "And do YOU really think that moving out of that office is going to make everything better? As though there aren't motels, and lunch hours, and breakfast meetings? Or 'client meetings' out of the office? "For that matter, as though there aren't plenty of other men out there who'd be happy to fuck your brains out?" Matt's voice had risen to an angry pitch. But he kept raking the leaves into orderly piles, not looking at her. "Matt," she said in a small, sad voice. "What else can I do? I'm trying everything I can, every way I know how to—" She started to cry. "—to show you how sorry I am, to begin to make it up to you somehow." He turned back to her. "And you suppose there is some way you can 'make it up to me'—some magic formula, just the right words or actions or gestures? And it'll all be over and done with? "Get real, Lynn. You're living in a fucking dream world." He turned away again, back to his raking. **************** Monday night Lynn heard little feet coming down the hall, and then Beth's head appeared in the doorway, looking sleepy and confused. "Mommy? Why're you sweeping in the guess' woom?" Although she was nearly six she still spoke with a bit of a lisp, especially when she was tired. "I've been staying up late for work, honey, and I'm in here so I don't disturb daddy. Did you have a bad dream?'' Beth nodded solemnly, and Lynn swung off the bed to pick her up. "Come sleep with me, Bethie, you and Big Bear." She tucked her daughter and the teddy bear under the covers next to her, and lay down beside them. Within five minutes Beth was fast asleep again, and Lynn carefully picked her and Big Bear up and carried them back to Beth's room. On her way back to the guest room, she suddenly changed her mind and headed towards the master bedroom. The door was open a few inches and the room was dark. Lynn paused, trying to find the right words, when she was stopped short by an unexpected sound. It was crying. It was Matt, crying quietly, probably into his pillow. Lynn stood, listening; then she slowly turned away, and walked back down the hall to the guest room. **************** Wednesday morning Each day it got a little easier to sit in his office and actually work, to concentrate on what he needed to do. His mind still drifted away in painful directions, but not so often and not for as long. It was obvious to his secretary Bernice that something was wrong—but she had figured out that he didn't want to talk about it. She didn't ask anymore, just smiled sympathetically at him. At 10:50 he got up out of his chair, went to his door and closed it. Then he grabbed a dictionary off the bookshelf and brought it back to the desk. He found the word he was looking for, and read the definition out loud. "Cuckold—a man with an unfaithful wife." He sat back. "I'm a cuckold." He said it a couple of times. The word felt strange in his mouth. "I'm a cuckold. I've been cuckolded. She cuckolded me." He sat looking at nothing for a while. Then, with a sigh, he put the dictionary to one side and got back to work. **************** Saturday afternoon "Well for Chrissakes, Lynn, what the hell do you expect?" Lynn didn't reply, and her friend Arlene continued. They were sitting in Arlene's kitchen, two coffee cups between them. "You fuck some other guy behind Matt's back"--Arlene saw Lynn wince at the word, but she continued--"and now you're surprised that he's angry and hurt?" "I'm not surprised, Arlene." "Does he know how long it was going on?" Lynn shook her head. "I have no idea. I don't know how he found out, or when. He won't ... we haven't talked about it." "Do you think if you told him it was only a few times it would make any difference?" "It wouldn't for me." Lynn made a face. "I mean, if it were the other way around. If he'd slept with some other woman. Five times, twenty times--I'd still be torn apart. "So don't think I'm surprised. I'm not, not a bit. I just don't know what to do. I can't reach him, and I don't know what the hell to do." She looked down, stirring her coffee with a spoon, and Arlene watched her in silence. **************** Three weeks later -- Wednesday afternoon "No," Matt said firmly; and then, a bit more quietly, "no, I don't want her to tell me about it." The therapist frowned a little. She had short dark hair, almost in a Beatle cut, and she wore a brown corduroy jumper. Her name was Isobel Harshman. "Don't you think it would help the two of you? For you to know why Lynn did what she did?" Matt gazed back at her, not even glancing at his wife sitting next to him. "I imagine it might help Lynn--to get it off her chest. But I certainly don't see how it would help me. "To be honest, Dr. Harshman, it seems to me I'm in enough pain already." Hesitantly, Lynn said, "I thought maybe that if I told you about it--about how it happened and why, it might ... you ... might see that it could never, that I could never do anything like that again." Matt swung around to gaze at her. "Do you honestly believe that? "Do you really think that there's ANYTHING you could tell me that would restore my trust in you, Lynn? Make me feel like I wouldn't have to worry about you for the rest of my life, wondering when the next time will be that you jump into bed with another man?" Lynn looked down at her lap. Very quietly she said, "no, Matt. I don't think there is anything I can say that would do that." **************** Two months later -- Thursday evening "Oh Matt, it's just so beautiful here!" She smiled broadly at him, squeezing his hand across the table. They were sitting at a table on the veranda, overlooking the Caribbean. The air was deliciously warm, and the red of the sunset still hung in the sky. A pitcher of Sangria and a plate of broiled shrimp sat on the table between them. "It is nice, isn't it?" His answering smile didn't quite match hers; there was a bit of strain in his face, maybe around the eyes. He squeezed her hand in return for a few moments, then picked up his fork to spear another shrimp. "Thank you so much for agreeing to come down with me!" Lynn was aware that he had trouble holding her gaze for more than a moment at a time. An hour later they were making love in their room. Lynn was on her hands and knees on the bed, pillows beneath her stomach, with Matt thrusting vigorously and powerfully into her, making her moan. He lasted a long time, and Lynn reached two wonderful climaxes before he sped up and came inside her with a loud groan, pulling her ass back hard against him with his hands. Later they lay together--Matt on his back, his hands behind his head, and Lynn cuddled against him with her head on his chest. "That was wonderful, baby," she murmured in a low, relaxed voice, and Matt reached down to stroke her back gently. She seemed nearly asleep; but then she lifted her head to look at him, and said, "not that I don't love it, but it seems like every time we make love lately you take me from behind." She giggled. "Are you making me your bitch?" she asked playfully. Matt looked at her, his brow furrowed a little. He sighed. "When we do it in missionary position, I--" He looked away. "I watch your face, your expressions, and I ... can't stop seeing you with him. Imagining you looking up at him, the same way...." Matt didn't finish the sentence. They lay still, and Lynn suddenly felt chilled. After a few minutes Matt got up, pulled on his shorts and a tee-shirt, slipped into his sandals, and left the room. **************** Seven weeks later -- Saturday night They worked silently for the most part, in front of the bookshelves on opposite sides of the room. Lynn was sorting through their CDs and Matt was doing the books. He said, "shall I leave the Dickens novels? I've read them all." "Whatever you want--take them if you like. I'm never going to read them." She pulled out another handful of CDs and put the ones belonging to Matt on a little pile next to her. Then she turned around and gazed at him. She watched the way his back muscles moved under his teeshirt, the way each of his movements was smooth and precise. It was all so familiar that it brought tears to her eyes. In a low voice she said, "you know this is not what I want. I never wanted this." Matt stopped moving for a moment; but he didn't turn around. He bit back a reply, and returned to the books. He didn't have to say it--they both knew what he would have said. **************** Five weeks later -- Sunday evening "Mommy, mommy!" Beth and Jason shrieked as they jumped out of Matt's car and came running up the front walk into her arms, their overnight bags forgotten behind them on the ground. Both talking at once, they told her all about the zoo, about how the giraffes were their favorites--"their necks are THIS LONG!"--and about how daddy had bought them each a cotton candy. Then, their greeting done with, they ran past her into the living room and turned on the TV. Matt smiled as he walked towards the house, carrying the kids' abandoned bags. Lynn smiled back. "Sounds like the zoo was a hit." "I could never tell whether they were delighted or terrified. We got really close to the giraffes--they were towering over the wall right over our heads. And they loved the giant turtles. It was a good day." They chatted for another minute or two. Lynn said, "want to come in for a cup of coffee? There's a pot on the stove." "Uh, no--no thanks," he said, looking a little uncomfortable. "I really should get going." "Okay," Lynn said, trying to keep the smile on her face. "I'll see you on Wednesday night," he said, and turned back towards his car. She stood watching until the Taurus reached the end of the street and turned left, out of her sight. **************** Four months later -- Monday evening Beth sat at the kitchen table, coloring, while Lynn made dinner. Jason was on the floor doing his favorite wooden jig-saw puzzle for the 500th time. It was a multi-colored clown; it had seventeen pieces. "Mommy, do friends hafta kiss?" Beth was looking up at her mother expectantly. Lynn turned to look at her. "I don't know, honey. What do you mean?" "Well, I never kiss Artie or Melissa or my friends at school." She made a face. "That would be yucky, kissing Artie! "But we met Daddy's friend and they kiss all the time." Jason looked up from the puzzle. "Angela's nice!" he said. "Yeah, she is nice. She--" "She made us hot dogs AND macaroni and cheese!" Jason interrupted; and then he lost interest in the conversation, and went back to his puzzle. "Yeah, and she said we could go out for ice cream next time. "But she and Daddy kept kissing, you know, like you and Daddy used to do. Do friends always kiss?" Lynn closed her eyes tight for a moment. Then she opened them and smiled at Beth. "Well, honey, some friends kiss and some don't--it all depends. But kids your age don't kiss their friends, so you don't have to." "Okay." Beth nodded and returned to her coloring. She was making a duck, apparently, though it looked a great deal like a stegosaurus. "Dinner," Lynn called. "Go wash your hands!" When the kids returned to the table she said, "two pieces of broccoli each--at least!--or there won't be any dessert tonight." She watched them squeeze ketchup all over their hamburgers and start to eat them; then she walked back to her bedroom and closed the door. She sat in the armchair by the bed, put her face in her hands, and began to weep.