0 comments/ 12023 views/ 1 favorites What Might Have Been By: cdhawkeye96a John sat staring out the hotel room looking at the changing colors. Over the last two years more and more nights alone were spent in hotel rooms. The rooms and hotels were more than just comfortable as far human conveniences, yet they were still cold and empty. The last three and half years were filled with conflict within his mind and heart. Though he loved his family, he felt a great lost in his heart. The love of a wonderful tender woman was a vivid memory. As he looked out the window he smiled over how they had met and their relationship developed. Recalling the day they met in person warmed his heart. Momentarily the empty hotel room felt warmer. That day his heart leapt with joy when she walked into the room. When she entered he was standing nervously at the far end of the room. In honor to her beauty and grace he swiftly removed his broad brimmed hat. As she walked toward him she dropped her handbag. His heart raced. His hands fidgeted. As she came into his arms his throat felt dry. They momentarily looked into each other's face and eyes. Their lips met. The first kiss, the first cherished kiss was still vivid in his mind even these years later. As then his heart still rejoiced at the tenderness of her lips and the passion which flowed through them to him. Her kiss sucked his breath from him and rushed blood to throughout his body. Within a few minutes his hands moved from holding her back to wondering her body. She encouraged him with a moan. She too began to do the same to his body. Their hands and fingers explored and danced with anticipation. Still without a word being spoken they continued kissing. She helped him off with his sports jacket. Breaking their kiss, his shirt and pants were gently and slowly removed. Seeing his hardened bulge just inches from her face brought forth from her a radiant smile. Seeing her bright smile warmed his heart. From that moment he became captivated by her smile and the twinkle in her eyes. He longed to see that look again and again from her. When she rose before him the couple again kissed with longing and desire. When their dynamic lover's kiss breathlessly concluded John took a half step backwards. Trying to control his nervousness he commenced to undress her with his quivering hands. As he undressed her he recalled the touch his fingers experienced moments before when he raised her skirt to play with her wonderfully full and rich ass. As each item fell to the floor the soft curvy temple being reveled to him did not disappoint. The wonderfully voluptuous mature woman stirred him. His manhood recognized immediately that her body was made for worship. When her breasts were unveiled he discovered them to be ripe full fruit. He was compelled to seek the fruit with his hands and then lips. As a humble servant his lips kissed and licked her womanly mounds and nipples. He adored how her light areolas complemented her complexion. The softness of her breasts caused his heart to swoon and bound out a steady rhythm like a mad drummer. The eager lover's heart was racing as his hands reached out to touch the fabric that was covering her womanhood. He fought the urge to swiftly remove them. He fought the urge. He looked with keenness upon that which was about to be revealed. Intentionally he ran his fingers along the material between her thighs. As he touched her there she took a deep breath and moan quietly. Hooking his fingers inside her panties he drew them downward exposing her beauty to his feasting eyes. As his eyes looked with awe upon this older woman of true sensuous beauty, his loins twitched with anticipation. He studied her womanly channel. The entrance to her inner sanctum was regal, flush with soft color like a palace entrance. Her blond womanly hair surrounded her loveliness without hiding its marvelous beauty from his view. He smiled as his eyes drifted up to meet hers. Her grin told him that she was filled with equal joy and desire. Within a minute he laid her upon the bed with his lips exploring hers. Though this was their first meeting, their lovers' kiss and dance of love moved onward as if they had been communicating their desires and feelings for many joyful years. He guided her to the bed. Maybe she drew him upon the bed. He could not recall as he was so captivated by her that he did not remember moving. All he remembered was that he found himself upon his knees hovering between her thighs as she beckoned him with her eyes. With her legs invitingly spread his head descended to worship her moist womanly alter. From the first licks of her sweetness he was a willing supplicant. Her moaning encouraged him to continue his adulation. He unremittingly brought forth his eager adoration. Her breathing slowly increased. One finger messaged her extended clit while his tongue messaged her soft pink walls. Then suddenly its pace increased rapidly. As he looked up he saw her chest heaving. Her breasts seemed to be dancing for him. His excitement increased and soon another finger joined his tongue in making love to here womanhood. Her hips began to dance. He recognized that this creature was about to enjoy a euphoric release. Her responses only encouraged him onward. Minutes later when her hips ceased gyrating and her breath returned, she drew him with her hand. He moved over her. Their eyes were locked. Each saw desire and surrender. The joy of what they shared thus far fueled their passion for providing the other much more. Hovering above her his hard manhood pointed forthrightly toward her home. It stood proudly before its desire. Her copious womanly fluids communicated her desire for him to make himself at home within her. As an act of further encouragement her knees drew upward opening her temple doors wide for him. He needed no additional invitation to enter her inner sanctuary. Slowly his rigid shaft moved toward the inviting gates. As his shaft passed through her warm moist doors, his heart reverently meshed with hers. Welcoming him to her holy place her arms came around him. They moaned in unison as they enjoyed their union, a union of body, desire and heart. If one was an observing fly on the wall, the fly would say that they were having sex, or fucking one another with earnestness. For him he was making love to a sexy woman who had touched his heart and soul through her emails and their chats. He was worshipping her fully and completely as he could. As he moved within her he wanted her to experience the joy of release. In an intimate manner he wanted to affirm her and give love, a love that she had been so long without from her own husband. He found her lovemaking skills to be energetic and powerful. It seemed that she too was worshipping his manhood and body. Repeatedly her hips wiggled and swayed drawing him toward his release. Her inner channel hugged him tightly. As he neared his joyous moment of release he slowed to calm himself. He wanted her to cum, and cum again, and still again. He wanted this erotic woman to be sated in body, soul, mind and heart. They continued their lovemaking dance for over an hour. Her moist luscious lips repeatedly took his harden shaft between them. She made love to his cock in a manner that took his breath away. He guided her upon her hands and knees so that he could once again worship at her temple alter. She encouraged him to worship her with exuberance. Yet before giving his sacrificial offering with cheerfulness he became more meditative. After a moment of slow meditation his pace grew more brisk. As he worshipped her from his posture of adoration her voice moaned aloud. Her breathing became more shallow and hurried. Her hips again encouraged him to come forth with his sacrifice of adoration. She communicated through her moans and body that she was again enjoying another moment of fulfillment. After nearly fifty minutes into their joint worship experience she pushed him upon his back. It was time for their ceremony to come to its pinnacle and conclusion. As she adjusted herself upon his hardened pole, she looked lustfully and passionately into his eyes. He looked upon her to see the joyous dew of passion covering her face and body. They were both still in need. She danced upon him like belly dancer. His eyes watched with adoration her womanly breast move upon her chest. As he studied them, his desire was to worship upon her temple mounts as often as possible. It was not long before the lovers were again moaning breathlessly signaling that they were approaching that moment. As he approached the height of his adoration, he gazed into her eyes. There he saw reflected back that which he felt in his own heart, love and pleasure. He could not explain how or why, but at this first meeting they had come to that moment where a look proclaimed that they had moved toward the wonderful state of loving each other. As the realization of the depth of their feelings came upon him he ushered forth his sacrifice into her temple. In response her temple quaked. The grip her temple had upon his shaft took his breath away. Her legs quaked and her body shook indicating that not only was his sacrifice being accepted, it was being celebrated throughout her body. Seconds later she fell upon him and he just held her into him. At that moment nothing else mattered in the world to the two lovers. Within himself he was replete. It was not for several more minutes before the lovers broke their embrace and spoke for the first time. With a gleam in his eye he smiled, "I am pleased to meet you Wendy." Her face beamed, "Likewise John, I am pleased to finally meet you." John and Wendy meet in the internet. She had posted a message which led to chatting and emailing for weeks. As his wife had become increasingly distant he had come to feel alone. Within his heart he loved his wife, yet there was a growing barrier between them. There was a growing cold barrier between them. John and his wife agreed on many things. Yet there were areas in their lives from which she had become withdrawn. Via emails and chats they became friends. From her John gained insight into his wife and he was more patient. In the process they connected. Increasingly he looked forward to Wendy's emails and their chats. Even before the question about meeting was asked, they dreamt of meeting. Sharing their inmost thoughts and desires flamed their desires and imaginations. The day they met was magical for him. From the moment he watched her drive off, he knew he would never forget what they shared. She burned herself upon his soul. Wendy dominated his thoughts as he drove home. From her first post meeting email, it appeared that he dominated her thoughts as well. Meeting often was difficult because of the physical distance between them. Though they could not meet frequently, they anticipated and cherished the few moments they had together. She even joined him for a week long business trip that John still remembered with fondness. Even before they returned from the trip John knew they had a problem. John was in love with two women. Wendy accepted that John loved his wife and would never leave her. Though they were lovers, Wendy encouraged him to not leave his wife. Though Wendy did not love her husband, John knew she too felt a loyalty of sorts to her husband and she would remain with him during his illness. When they were with one another, the universe worries and their lives vanished from their lives. In the back of their minds they both wished that they had met when they were younger and unattached. Yet they accepted their current lives. They lived with the haunting tension, sometimes voiced, sometimes not, but always in the background, that they would be discovered. John's greatest fear, that he would hurt Wendy one day, suddenly arrived when his wife learned of Wendy. The heat he took from Kim grieved and cut him. Yet it did not cut him as much as knowing the pain he now inflicted upon Wendy by no longer seeing her and diminishing his correspondence with her. For months John and Kim's marriage was as cold as the northern tundra in winter. The long winter yielded to the thaw of Spring. Just as his relationship with Kim commenced to warm, their marriage was again shaken. Kim had cancer. He felt guilty for not considering that Kim's complaint that sex to be less enjoyable and becoming a little painful could be linked to a cancer growing within her womanhood's inner walls. When the initial prognosis did not look good guilt pushed him to drink. More and more nights were spent wallowing in self-pity in a half-intoxicated state as he imagined the wife of his youth would die cursing him. Just before last Thanksgiving Kim said it appeared the surgery and treatments did not work was the worst period. His unchecked imagination feared he would be alone the next holiday season. He only imagined the worse. Yet with Kim's fortitude, new treatments and the wonders of the human body, the prognosis became much more positive in mid February. With renewed hope John recalled their joyous times. Kim and John spent hours looking at their old pictures and laughing about the good times. In a strange manner her illness drew them closer together. Her cancer had become the vehicle for healing their relationship. Just when they seemed to be making progress, to John's alarm Kim confessed that she had over stated her condition to magnify his guilt feelings. John felt anger rise within. She had misled him and played upon his guilt. She had not been honest with him. Holding his tongue he walked away silently. During the long walk he reminded himself that he too did not have clean hands when it came to playing games and honesty. She was reacting to what he did. Returning from the walk, he held his wife. With a saddened heart he sought his wife's forgiveness for playing games with her. Kim was surprised that John took responsibility for her actions against him. Just over two weeks later, again John felt as if he was kicked to the ground. On that particular evening Kim had been drinking after a long tough day at the work. In her somewhat intoxicated state John's wife confessed to having an affair, not just once, but twice. He learned the prior year that she had been with another man at a conference. He had not known of the second, the relationship that went on for nearly three years and ended only when they moved across country. He held her that night. He cried with her. She cried with him. As they opened to each other John realized that her guilt had been gnawing away at their relationship for years. Feeling overwhelmed with guilt Kim withdrew from him. Intimacy reminded her of what she had done. What she did not realize was that the more she withdrew the more she was pushing him into the arms of another woman. His frustration increased as their intimacy became mechanical and infrequent. He learned later that the physical pain she felt was not that strong until two months before cancer was discovered. Ironically she had claimed a pain she had not felt only to find an actual pain slowly taking hold. With mutual confession and assurance their intimacy warmed. They were able to find some passionate moments, but it was well short of where it had been before it all started. Though it had been a half year since his wife's confession, their wounds remained tender. Kim admitted weeks before that her revulsion for what she did was a barrier she could not get around. John wept in his heart for what they lost as a couple. He wounded Kim's heart, and she his. With cause he now feared their love and intimacy would never be the same. Their ghosts would be in their bed for the rest of their days Watching the sun descend below the hills, John took a deep breath and sighed. Kim had granted him permission to be with other women with conditions. Unspoken was that she had the same freedom. He was to be discrete and it was not be regular. Kim did not want to know about it or ever knowing meet the others. She said plainly to him, "I can become very jealous. But I cannot be jealous of who and what I do not know." Though he had the freedom, John could not bring himself to move in that direction. John was oblivious to the television that played in the background. He smiled remembering the afternoon that firmly held a special place in his heart. Her face and his memories of her would warm his heart until his dying breath. She would be upon his mind as much as his Kim would be upon his as the coldness of death overshadows him. Yet with that memory confronted him with the cold reality that he was a fool. He sighed, "The saddest words are what might have been." If only he had known before guilt took a death grip upon Kim's soul they could have learned to help each other explore their sexuality more broadly. Alas, it was not so and Kim had no interest in doing so. Alas, their own sexual desires drew them apart because they exercised them independently. Now sitting in darkness looking out the window tears of sorrow flowed down his cheek. If only Kim had granted her permission earlier. If she had, maybe, just maybe, Wendy would be with him now bringing him elation and comfort to his sterile hotel room. Maybe she would still be his healing angel. But alas for her healing balm he returned bitterness. It is the thought of the latter that drew forth his tears. He was no longer interested in exploring his sexuality on his own. He learned the lesson the hard way. And it cost him dearly. He lost each woman's heart and their tender intimacy because of the other. Once again he breathed deeply with sadness. As he stood from the chair and turned on a solitary light he groaned, "What might have been if... What might have been?" What Might Have Been He sat at the bar, sipping his whiskey. Lately, he had been thinking a lot about the past. The history of experiences that had finally led him to this bar stool. Wondering how things would have been if only... The juke box blared to life, old songs mingling with new. He got up and paid his tab. He drove home, tooling on the radio, not truly hearing any of the songs until one in particular caught his attention. "Blaze of Glory" began its soft intro as he pulled into his driveway. He was suddenly taken back eleven years. Taken back to the last time he had seen her, the one that had gotten away. They were supposed to have met at a hotel after they graduated Basic Training. A surprise visit from her fiancé quickly derailed any plans they had arranged. The look of sadness in her eyes mirrored the sharp pain he felt in his soul. They were well aware that any meeting they would have had would have been for the one night alone. Their friendship would have lasted, but any romantic aspirations, they were well aware, would not. He entered his home and went straight to his bar. It wasn't much, just an odd assortment of bottles for whenever friends decided to drop by. The words to their song echoing in his head, he reached under the bar and withdrew an old, dusty bottle. It was an old bottle of tequila. It wasn't the best brand out there, nor was it the cheapest. But it was the one that he had kept since that sorrowful night. It was dusty, having rarely been pulled out into the light. He had managed to keep it, still sealed, through ten long years in the Army. This bottle had been meant for her. He put the bottle back, half tempted to finally open it. He poured some whiskey instead and sat down. He thought back to those days, her smile making the hardships bearable. He fell asleep thinking about her. He was back in Basic Training, graduation completed and the dress uniform hung back up with the same care that the drill sergeants had hammered into them all for the last eight weeks. He saw her there, with her family. The smile on her face was radiant, warming him to his soul. Only, here in this dream world, her fiancé never arrived. He never came along to surprise her. She smiled and hugged him, whispering into his ear that she could not wait until dinner with their respective families were over. He whispered back, telling her the hotel and the room number. Telling her that he could not wait to fulfill the many promises he had made to her. She grinned and blushed slightly, her mother's eyes filled with questions she would not get any answers to, nor would she want them. Dinner dragged by for them both. But finally, he was freed. His parents dropped him off at the hotel, questions they knew they did not want answers to remaining unspoken. He rushed in to prepare. He did not know how much time he truly had and he could not afford to waste a second of it. The room was not much. Even after having saved almost all of his pay for the last two months, there was not much to save. And this town, catering as it did to the military and to graduating soldiers, did not have much to work with. He turned down the lights after lighting as many candles as he could find. He filled the room with soft music. He placed the tequila his family had brought for him, once again with questions unasked, in the ice bucket. Wishing he could have done more, he had nothing left to do but wait. It was not a long wait. Less than fifteen minutes, fifteen excruciatingly long minutes, there was a knock at the door. He rushed over, but stopped himself. He did not want to seem too desperate. Did not want to scare her off. Opening the door, he opened his mouth to say something witty but got lost in her beautiful eyes once more. She giggled as she pushed her way into the room. Any witty remarks of her own were, much as his had been, lost to thought as she saw the effort he had made. She turned quickly and pulled him into a deep passionate kiss. They both ached to tear the clothing from each other, to rush through the foreplay and go straight to the act that hopefully quench the fire burning within them, fill the aching holes that had consumed them from the moment their eyes had first met up to this day. But he restrained himself. It was a difficult effort, but one he felt must be made. He knew that they had but one night. One pure moment of bliss that would soon end as they went their separate ways. Struggling to control himself, he pulled away from her. He poured two glasses of the tequila, handing her the first glass. They touched glasses, smiling at the unspoken toast. As a slow song began to play, he pulled her to him, moving her, awkwardly, in a soft, gentle dance. She could tell that he did not dance often, a fact that he had shared with her not to long before. She knew how uncomfortable he was dancing, and she was pleased to no end that he wanted to share this with her now. They danced through several songs, their movements slowing until they were kissing once more. This time, though the hunger and ache were still present, the kiss was gentle, tender. Their tongues met and explored and she moaned into his lips. Finally, unable to resist a moment longer, he gently pushed her away. Reaching up, he slowly began to unbutton her uniform top. The BDUs were intended to be a utilitarian uniform, function over form. But she made them look the height of fashion. He slowly removed her blouse, carefully folding it across the back of a chair. With the same tender slowness, he pulled the brown t-shirt she wore over her head. He leaned down and lovingly placed a soft kiss at the base of her neck. Her breath caught as she felt his hands caress her sides on their way to her back, inexpertly unclasping her bra. The lacy undergarment was placed with the same tender care on top of the blouse. Then he kissed her again. His lips heating up against hers. With a soft nudge, he guided her to the bed, laying her down while never breaking the kiss. His hands played down her soft skin, barely grazing, running against the fine, almost invisible hair on her body. Goose bumps rose up all along her body and she shivered. Breaking the kiss, he slowly moved down her body. A gasp escaped her lips as he tenderly kissed her breasts, taking each nipple into his mouth in turn. Then he moved lower. She bit her lips anticipating his moves. She was surprised when he by passed her belt, but only for a moment. His hands drifted down and then he knelt, taking first one boot in his hands and then the other, slowly untying and removing them in turn. Her socks quickly followed. He moved back up and then he finally reached for the buckle on her standard, government issue belt. Her breathing quickened as he slowly undid the belt and then removed her pants, sliding them gradually down, her hips raised to allow him the freedom he needed to slide them completely off. In one slow, yet smooth, motion, he had removed both her pants and her panties, the lacy material that was barely there matching her bra. She gasped as he kissed her on the inner thighs, his tongue and lips seeming to burn her flesh. She waited, biting her lip as he began to kiss his way inward, toward her soft, clean shaven mound. She groaned as, once again, he by passed the spot she so desired for to attend to. Her groan quickly turned into a gasp as his tongue flashed out and speared her tender clit. Soon, all too soon, his lips and tongue were lavishing all the attention she could have desired upon her wet womanhood. Then his fingers entered her, sliding in easily despite her tightness, thanks to the large amount of fluids her body was pumping out thanks to the ministrations of his mouth. She felt herself building up. Her hands quickly wrapped around his head, searching for something to grasp and finding nothing. The military barbers were very thorough in the duties. She bucked against him, her hands pulling his head into her tightly. Then she screamed as the first strong orgasm hit. She thrashed against him, her legs bashing against his head. But he never stopped. Soon, another, smaller, orgasm tore through her. Now, as wonderful as this feeling was, her body craved more, much more. She tried to urge him up with her hands. Tried to push him away, but he kept going, kept licking and kissing her. Finally, unable to stand anymore, she begged him to step, to fill her with something other than his fingers and tongue. He climbed up, kissing her. She reveled in the taste of herself upon his lips. She loved the desire she felt rising from him. Then she pushed him back. Eager to return the favor, she slid down his body, removing his clothes as she went. Unlike him, she took no care with his uniform, tossing it around the room. She slid down to his chest, taking his nipples in her mouth much as he had done for her. He groaned, a sound half feral and half desperate. She grinned as she moved lower. She was tempted to treat him to the same as he had given her. Tempted to tease and titillate his body as he had done to hers. But as she neared his throbbing member, she could not resist. She quickly took the length into her mouth, licking and sucking, savoring the feel of his skin, the throbbing in her mouth. She was pleased to see that he had shaved just for her, the razor burns still evident upon his skin. He groaned, unsure if he would be able to control himself, to hold back. What he did not know at that moment was that she did not want for him to hold back. She wanted to feel him shoot into her mouth, taste him as he had tasted her. Unable to resist the urge any longer, he shouted a warning, grabbed her hair and his hips bucked as he came, shooting into her mouth, giving her what she truly desired at that moment. She swallowed every last drop, loving the taste and the feel. He moaned as she continued to suck him even when he was no longer cumming. She kept him hard, kept him throbbing as she quickly sucked him to yet another orgasm. Finally, far too sensitive to allow her to continue, he pulled himself out of her mouth, still hard. He pulled her onto the bed, laying her down. He climbed on top of her, sliding between her legs as he kissed her once more. She moaned as she felt his harness press against her pussy, both aching with a need that had only one resolution. With only the most minor of adjustments, he slid himself into her to his full length. She gasped loudly as their hips ground against each other. He held himself inside of her, unmoving, for a moment, savoring the feeling, the heat radiating from her. Refusing to just lie there, she ground herself against him, urging him to move. Grinning despite himself, he slid himself out to nearly his full length, leaving only the tip inside. She groaned again as he slide himself back in, this time a little more forcefully than before. He began to thrust in and out, changing his speed and force every few strokes to keep her surprised, expecting. Once again, she refused this, wanting more. She wrapped her legs around his waist and waited, waited until she could feel him begin his downward plunge back into her. Then she pulled, hard, with her legs, causing him to slam into her, faster and harder than he had intended. Taking the hint that she had so subtly given, he increased his pace, increased the power of his strokes, until he was practically pounding into her. Her nails tore into his back, leaving long gashes in the skin. Instead of deterring him, slowing him, this only served to cause him to thrust harder. He could feel her building, hear her breathing change to gasps. He knew that it would not be long before she came, once more. Her moans turned into screams as the one of the most powerful of her orgasms of the night ripped through her. She thrashed against him, her legs still holding him deeply inside her. He could feel his own orgasm building, feel the heat rising up. He knew he would not be able to hold this one back. He tried to pull out, tried not to cum inside her. He had brought protection for the night but, in the heat of the moment, neither of them had thought to use it. Her legs tightened on him as she felt him trying to withdraw. She wanted to feel him inside her, feel him explode. This night would not last forever, this night would end far too soon, and once it did the chances of them seeing each other again were very small. She refused to let him out. Then he shouted as his own orgasm ripped through him, causing his body to buck and thrash on its own. She reached up, pulling him down into a passionate kiss, allowing their orgasms to play their course. Finally, they subsided, but the kiss did not. She kept kissing him until they both could feel sleep creeping up on them. And they collapsed, finally, exhausted and spent. He drifted off to sleep, still hard and stiff inside her. She kissed his forehead lovingly as she drifted off as well, knowing that morning would arrive far too quickly, that this night would soon end... He woke up from his dream, whiskey tumbler still in his hand. He smiled as the dream began to fade. While he may never remember all the details, he knew the memory of the dream would stay with him forever. Thinking back on the bottle, he resolved to try, one last time, to find this woman who haunted his dreams...