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The Wedding Crasher

By: johnnieblue44



Weddings, John decided as he propped himself up on the bar at the country club reception and surveyed the gathering, were enjoyed only by those under twenty-five or over seventy years of age. Those two distinctly different demographic groups shared two common interests at events celebrating inevitably short-lived matrimonial harmony, free booze and immunity from being ridiculed by their embarrassing exploits on the dance floor.

For the majority of guests who were in between the life stages of young adulthood and septuagenarians, most had already unsuccessfully ventured in and out of the black hole of the supposedly sacrosanct institution of marriage, at least if one were to believe national statistics. Accordingly, the occasion provided only one viable reason to attend, at least in John's admittedly sometimes cynical perspective. A chance to get laid.

John watched his beaming bridegroom buddy Pete, approaching his fiftieth birthday, dancing with somebody's chunky old aunt in the taffeta dress that was two sizes too small for her, and reminisced at the distant memory of having been in Pete's initial wedding party almost thirty years ago. That was three marriages and two wives ago. Yep, Pete had married the same woman twice in the eighties and nineties, and John had won the pool that garnered him a few hundred dollars when the sequel between Pete and Alison had lasted less than two years. It was small payback indeed for the various wedding gifts that he had bestowed over the decades.

But, this was the first time that Petey's new wife had dipped her toes in the marriage pool, so a few of Pete's grudgingly loyal remaining friends had to make the trek to Dallas for his fourth throw at the brass ring and try to suppress giggles and guffaws as he had the chutzpah to say to the minister, with unfettered temerity, "I do." And, no doubt, in Pete's mind was the delusional thought, "And this time, I really, really mean it."

Out of the corner of his eye, John saw the alluring guest for the first time while nursing his third beer. She must have been a late arrival to the festivities because he surely would not have missed this vision of little-black-dress loveliness. He absorbed the vision, his trousers noticeably tightening in the seam for the first time tonight. Her ample full breasts virtually strained to be released through the sheer material, and the dress stopped just above the knee to display a pair of sexily stockinged legs. She licked her bright, ruby red lips and displayed a wickedly seductive grin as her own dark, smoldering eyes caught his own gaze and their eyes locked. 

John made a mental summary in an instant. She was a handful, a tease, an intelligent, successful, confident woman in perhaps her late thirties who would not be easy to woo, no pushover this one.

John's kind of woman exactly.

Not one to waste time nor opportunity when it knocked, especially in the form of nice knockers, John sidled over to her without taking time to rummage through the inventory of opening lines that eh had stored up through the decades, so as he approached her, he made a split-second decision to stick with old reliable.

"Hi," he said cheerily, as she eyed him warily, unsmiling.

She replied quickly, raising her wine glass to those, oh, so suckable lips. "That's all you've got as a pick-up line? 'Hi?' What kind of pick-up line is that? Lame."

John recoiled a bit. This was going to be more difficult than he though, especially at a wedding. Geez, weren't people all supposed to be cordial at a celebration of mutual friends' matrimonial bliss, even if it was the fourth toss at it for at least one of the participants?

John offered meekly, "What makes you think I was trying to pick you up?" 

She took a long gulp of her chardonnay. "Why else would you approach me?" John pondered that very legitimate question for a second, and she took advantage of his hesitation. "Try again," she demanded.

"Try what again?"

"Try to pick me up again." She folded her arms across those magnificent tits, her cleavage spilling more liberally from her dress, and tapped her stiletto on the hardwood floor.

John stared at her blankly, the index cards of witty, charming lines that were usually stored in his brain and normally readily accessible for just such an occasion apparently on momentary freeze. He cleared his throat and extended his hand. "I'm John, what's your name?" 

She shook her head vehemently, her brow frowning in disdain. "No names, what is this, fifth grade? Strike two." Her toe tapped more impatiently on the floor, while her arms folded more tightly across her tits. John liked the second reaction better, his eyes now riveted on her chest. 

John realized that this was a pitcher's count, to use a baseball analogy, he was down oh-two to this crafty pro. So, he decided to go with a fastball down the middle.

"Think of a number between seven-and-a-half and seven-and-three-quarters."

This got her attention like a high, hard one under the chin. She cocked an eyebrow up while he continued.

"Inches, that is."

Her arms dropped to her side and her countenance lightened considerably. Hell, she damn near chuckled.

"Now, that's better, much better." She clapped her hands softly together, applauding the start of the game. "That's a lucky number. Now, we can play." She wagged a finger at him. "But can you back up such a claim, slugger?"

John felt the blood rush from his flushed face directly to his groin, his embarrassment temporarily abated and replaced with the more comfortable rush of hormonal adrenalin. "Fortunately, yes, I can. One should not make such a statement without being ready and able to back it up." This did indeed evoke the first hint of a smile from her.

He glanced down again to her fantastic chest. "Besides, there's something wrong with your tits."

She looked down at her own cleavage, turning slightly red herself, disbelieving his words. "My tits? What could possibly be wrong with these tits?" She pushed her chest out towards him, allowing him a closer view to see if perhaps he would change his assessment.

He looked up at her face. "My cock isn't between them yet, that's what's wrong."

Despite herself, she threw her head back and chortled merrily. "Oh, god, that's funny. Good one. You're not just a big dicked dummy, after all, are you?" John didn't know how to plead to this charge, so he did the right thing and remained silent, letting the growing bulge now tenting in his shorts do his talking for him. She licked her lips once more, eyeing the impressive rise in his suit pants. "Come on, let's check our coats."

"I didn't bring a coat."

"Neither did I, sport, Neither did I." She winked and took him by the hand and led him from the reception hall and out the doors to the hallway corridor, a walk that did not go unnoticed by the bride and groom.

Alison grabbed her new hubby's arm and whispered in his ear as they watched the couple depart,"Looks like your buddy John is going to get lucky. Who is that broad anyway?"

Pete looked at his wife open-mouthed, and then at the door as they left. "You mean she's not one of your friends?"

Alison shook her head. "I have no idea who she is. I thought she was with one of your buddies until I saw her just now with John."

Petey and Alison gaped at each other. Pete spoke first, whimsically, "Well, I'll be. God damn." He whistled softly.

When John reached the coatroom, being hastily pulled down the hallway by his 'date', mystery woman ordered him to tip the young teenage boy for a few minutes of 'privacy', as she called it, sticking her tits out to entice the youngster's cooperation. He eagerly grabbed the twenty from John's hand while ogling her, and scurried outside to catch a smoke, as she called to him, "One dollar for each minute, honey, don't come back early, we need to perform inventory in here."

She pushed the door shut behind John, reached around him, snapped the deadbolt shut, and dropped to her knees in front of John, yanking his zipper open and nearly splitting his pants in two at the seam as she tugged them down to his ankles in mere seconds. She rubber her perfectly manicured fingers over his boxer briefs and cooed, "You cum as advertised, baby, very nice." She pulled his shorts down and exposed his rock-hard cock, taking the purple, swollen head and coating it with her lipsticked mouth. "Ummm, very fucking nice indeed." She wasted no time in pushing him roughly back against the door and performed oral homage on John's twitching cock, thought they had met no more than ten minutes before.

John made a mental note to himself that perhaps his cynical view on weddings was a bit too harsh, after all. He watched, mesmerized, as the strange but incredibly seductive creature gobbled his cock, then lifted his heavy balls up to her lips and began alternating sucking on each while fervently stroking his shaft to full length. Her free hand slid down to her dress, and she pulled the straps from her shoulders and unsnapped the front hook on her lacy bra in one swift motion, as her enormous breasts tumbled into freedom. 

She cupped both big orbs in her small hands, and raised them to John's engorged member, and slapped the pretty monsters onto his cock with the same velocity as windshield wipers in a downstorm.

"There," she said, looking up at him, her eyes smoldering. "Does that take care of that silly problem with my tits?" Before waiting for a reply, and not wanting one, she spit a long strand of saliva onto her collarbone and watched it snake down into her cleavage and onto his cock head. 

She rubbed his cock vigorously, now standing up, and she pulled him by his large dick and leaned over a counter in the back of the small room. She raised the hem of her cocktail dress to show that she was 'sans panties' today, and he stared at her gleaming, bare, clean, waiting slit. "There's something wrong with my pussy now, too. Your cock isn't in it."

She bent over the counter and lewdly raised her ass and stuffed John's cock into her muff in one swift motion, impaling her deeply. She peered over her shoulder and made her next demand. "Give it to me fast, hard, and rough, give me all you have, I want it hard and deep."

He complied, his balls slapping against her round ass as he plunged into her urgently, over and over, the sounds echoing across the walls of the tiny room, her grunting exhortations urging him on. "Fuck me, that's it, fuck me good, harder, deeper, ooooh, that's such a nice, big dick, give it to me, split me open, fuck me, fuck me, f...AAAAAAHHH, Fuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkkkkkk."

Her vaginal walls contracted on him and John felt a warm stream of liquid spurt from her tunnel just before he came himself, shooting his warm, hot cum deep inside of the anonymous woman's dripping cunt, feeling the mixture of their juices ooze out of her hole and streaming onto his still mahogany-hard shaft.

Still shaking from the after-shocks of her orgasm, she turned around and lowered her hemline and bunched her floppy tits back into her dress. John watched, amazed, almost wanting to search for the hidden cameras, fully expecting his buddies to be waiting for him outside of the door, laughing as they celebrated their 'punking' of him.

After all, this just didn't happen, not even to him. They hadn't even kissed, he didn't know her name, and yet his cum was dripping down her thighs. His curiosity peaked, all he could offer in the way of conversation as he pulled up his won trousers was, "So, whose friend are you, anyway, Pete's or Alison's?"

She raised one finger to his lips as she opened the door and glanced out into the deserted corridor. "I'd love to chit-chat with you, stud, but I have another wedding to go to now." She leaned over, brushing her firm tits against him for the last time, and kissed him on the cheek. "It was fun, thank you, you've got a great cock."

She hesitated just a second before reaching into her tiny purse, the kind that women routinely bring to weddings and then try to stuff cosmetic items into them that wouldn't fit inside of a duffle bag, and extracted a business card before disappearing like the wind.

John gazed at the card while tucking in his shirt, pulling up his zipper and twisting his cock back into his pants. He read the bold letters, surrounded by the sketching of the silhouette of a woman licking the tip of a huge wedding cake. 

"Wendy Walker, Wedding Crasher."

There was no number.

The Wedding Crashers



"Do you, Debbie Louise Perry, take this man, Reginald William Baker Green, to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Asked the minister.

Debbie had been waiting for this moment all her life. She was finally getting married. She would be a wife, and the wife of a good man: Reginald, the seventeenth Earl of Lancaster. 

"I do." she said smiling deep into her soon to be husband's eyes.

The minister then turned to Reginald, "And do you, Reginald William Baker-Green, take this woman, Debbie Louise Parry, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

Reginald looked into his smiling fiancé's eyes. The Earl of a town should have a pretty yet respectable wife and Debbie fit the bill. She was well spoken and would fit right in at the monthly wine banquets and as hostess at the County Fayre. She was the perfect wife for aristocracy. "I do." he said.

The minister then turned to the congregation, "If any persons here present see reason why these two should not be joined in holy matrimony, may they speak now or forever hold their peace."

When the silence showed there was no clear objection, he continued. "Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you, husb..."

The minister's summation was stopped in its tracks as the church doors burst open. 

"We object!" shouted a man in a lime green suit and purple top hat. He was followed into the aisle by two other men, one in a royal blue suit and red hat, the other in a gold suit with a black hat. The three men were also accompanied by five incredibly busty blondes dressed in pink crop-tops and micro skirts that did a perfect job of covering absolutely nothing.

The minister was incensed, "What is the meaning of this!" he demanded the gatecrashers. 

The man in the purple hat smiled and said, "We told you, we object." He then looked over to the man in the blue hat and told him, "Blue, deal with the minister won't you?"

Blue clicked his fingers and in an instant, the minister was sat naked in the front row of the church with a stunned look on his face. He couldn't move at all. 

Blue turned to one of the blondes, "See to the minister won't you titty dearest?"

Titty giggled and squealed with delight at her orders. It was always an honour to be given the minister when they went to weddings. She ran over to where the minister was sat and began to suck him hungrily as the bemused congregation watched on, only now realising none of them were able to speak or move either.

"Good job Blue." commended Purple, before turning to the third man. "Black, I think we need a new minister."

"I'm on it boss," replied Black and he took his place before the bride and groom. He chose to address the audience first, "Ladies and Gentlemen. Please do not be alarmed, the speech and movement issues are just so that this wedding goes without a hitch. You will be free to speak when spoken to and all will be fine by the end of the ceremony. 

"Now before I restart the ceremony, does anybody here object to the proceedings starting afresh?"

Lady Vera didn't know why she chose to speak up. Of course she was horrified at what was going on, but she was far too shy to try and stand up to these people. Yet she found herself getting to her feet and publicly denouncing the gatecrashers' actions. 

"Who the hell do you think you are?! This is a wedding. Why don't you just go and leave these poor people alone?" Vera felt emboldened from having taken a stand, her eyes not deviating from those of Purple. 

Purple just smiled and clicked his fingers. "Objection noted." he told her.

Vera began to feel funny. There was a buzzing inside her head and her clothing began to feel stretched. The sudden tightness of her blouse causing the most discomfort. It was then she realised that her breasts were inflating like balloons. She grabbed hold of them with her newly manicured hands trying to stop them growing but it was no use and further more, felt so so good. 

"Don't fight it." Purple told her as he walked over. He began to rub his hands over Vera's blouse, "Here. Let me help you." 

In a second Vera's blouse was replaced with a lacy pink bra that only just managed to contain Vera's gargantuan new melons once they had stopped growing. Her skirt also disappeared to be replaced by a matching set of panties that were shrinking with her waistline. 

Vera wanted to scream through her thick red new lips but couldn't, she could only stand there and watch herself change until she looked like a person that made you wonder if Victoria Secret had a porno division. 

"There," said Purple, "Isn't that much better?"

Vera felt her lock on her voice lift, "What have you done to me?" 

"Nothing to worry your pretty blonde head about babes." smiled Purple, "We just gave you an upgrade."

Vera was both angry and scared. "You no good bastard! How dare you do this. It is outrageo...owww!" Vera felt a wave of discomfort sear through her body as she tried to keep speaking. 

Purple again just smiled at her and said. "I pretty thing like you shouldn't be tiring her head out with long words like that. Why don't you try something simple like titties instead?"

"You obnoxious!" Once again, her head felt like five hundred nails were being scratched down an old blackboard. 

"Come on babes," continued Purple, walking round behind and grabbing her massive melons in both hands, "Big long words don't suit you. You'll feel much better saying more suitable words like pussy and cock."

Vera was outraged. She wanted to fight the bastard who was molesting her but her hands just fell to her sides. "Leave my titties alone!" She screamed at him. 

Vera didn't mean to say titties. She had never said the word titties before in her entire life. Yet just then, it seemed like the right word to say and as if to prove it, the discomfort in her head was replaced with a burst of sparkle and rainbows. To her inner horror, she even giggled after saying it.

"What are you doing to me?"

Purple smiled and softly blew a pink smoke into her ear. "We just want to help make you a better person Vera." he whispered to her.

"Ow Ow Ow!!!" Vera once again screamed out in pain, the sparkles and rainbows turning to sparks and lightning. 

"But I only said Vera." protested Purple.

"Please stop it! It hurts."

"You mean don't call you Vera?"

"Yes please, stop saying that. I can't stand it."

"Well then what should I call you?"

"Anything but that. Just please stop."

Purple chuckled, "Well if you wish. From now on you shall be called Cummy Bear."

"What? No? That's... ooh!" Vera tried to be disgusted at Purple's choice of name, but it echoed around inside her head. All of the sparkles and rainbows returned at full force and the word Cummy Bear enveloped her mind.

"Why don't you just give the name a chance?" suggested Purple, "Isn't it nice hearing me calling you 'My Little Cummy Bear'?"

"No, I mean Yes... I mean no, yes?" Vera was confused. Part of her told her the name and how she was feeling was wrong, but a much larger part of her was telling her that everything was now so so right. 

Purple had been fondling Vera's gargantuan new titties this whole time and was now beginning to pinch and tweak on her new super-sensitive nipples. "Just let the bad feelings slip away my little Cummy Bear." he whispered to her, pink smoke continuing to invade her ear. 

Vera was beginning to feel happier and happier about her new self. There were still a few shards of resistance left though, "But... hair? Titties?" she tried to protest the best she could.

"Yes, doesn't your new hair look so sexy my little Cummy Bear. And your new titties are so big and slutty. You should be so happy." Purple's left hand had now moved south to Vera's panties as he spoke.

Vera's resistance was broken. "So happy and slutty." she moaned, pressing her pussy towards Purple's fingers.

Purple smiled, his work almost done. "And what is your name."

"I'm your little Cummy Bear." replied Vera and as she said it she was rewarded with a wave of happiness and pleasure that washed away every memory of Vera until only Cummy Bear remained. "That's my girl." complimented Purple, removing his hands from Cummy Bear's tits and pussy. Cummy Bear moaned in disapproval.

"Don't worry Cummy dear. I have a special plan for you." Purple snapped his fingers and suddenly the father of the bride was sat naked next to the minister, who was still being sucked off Titties. The minister had already came twice, but Titties was able to get him hard again with just a touch from her little finger to his testicles. 

"We are going to play a little game." Purple told her. You will soon find that your cute pink pinky has the same power a Titties' here. So I want you two girls to race. First girl to make their man cum six times wins. What do you think?"

Cummy Bear danced with joy. She was so excited she had the chance to try out her new super slutty body and what better occasion to be naughty than with the father of the bride at a wedding. 

Cummy Bear dove hungrily into the crotch of Debbie's father and began sucking furiously, determined to beat Titties in the race to six. Purple just smiled to himself and refocused his attention on the rest of the wedding party.

"Are there any other objections?" he asked. 

The church was silent, nobody dared try and object after what they had just witnessed. Purple surveyed the guests with satisfaction before turning to Blue and giving a quick nod. On command, Blue clapped his hand twice and the whole church was transformed. 

The interior now resembled more a Barbie's dream house than a place of worship. The guests also, with the exception of bride and groom found their expensive dresses and tuxedos transformed into tube tops, micro skirts, lingerie and such for the ladies and men just found themselves naked and fucking whichever woman had been closest to them before the transformations. A wedding had turned into an orgy and nobody could stop it.

Until now, only Debbie and Reginald had escaped the whims of the wedding crashers. They had been made to just stand like statues and watch the events unfold before them. Debbie's couldn't believe what she was seeing as she watched her and Reginald's closest friends and family fuck each other like rabbits in front of her. Her eyes turned from one couple to the next, trying to find one or two people who had survived the effects but it was no use. She saw her best friend Simon being sucked off by her mother, the Wilson twins were locked in a sixty nine in the aisle and even gay uncle Freddie was happily ramming Reginald's youngest sister up the ass. Nobody was exempt, and now only her and Reginald remained for the gatecrashers to deal with. 

Purple and Blue, each flanked by one of their blonde co-crashers on each arm, now approached the married couple. They had done their jobs successfully and now it was time to gather for Black's wedding service. Once everybody was in place, Black began.

"We are gathered here today to join Debs and Reggie together in sexy, sexy matrimony. Reginald do you take Debbie to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do." said Reginald. He didn't know why he said it, it was the wrong time for him to speak and he also had no intention of entertaining these lunatics. Yet despite himself he just said the words as if it wasn't his choice to make.

Black continued, "To grab and to fondle her?"

Once again Reginald said 'I do' despite himself. This time he even found himself grabbing his bride's wrist, spinning her round and begin to squeeze and massage her breasts.

"For blonder and top heavier?"

Again Reginald found himself saying 'I do' and this time he could only stand and fondle as Debbie's hair turned a platinum shade of blonde and he felt her breasts blow up like balloons in his hands. 

"In ditziness and in giggles?" 

"I do." Once again the words just came out and he immediately could tell the effects of is words as Debbie began to giggle at the feel of his hands on her tits and tell him that she 'felt like, totally confused right now'.

"For sluttier and sluttier as long as you both shall live?"

For the final time Reginald heard himself say 'I do' and in doing so locked in all the changes made to his bride. 

It was now time for Black to read Debbie her vows. "Debs, do you take Reggie to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I totally do." giggled Debbie.

"To love, worship and obey him?"

"I like, sooo do." responded Debbie, triggering a switch in her mind that suddenly saw Reginald in a new light. He was not a devoted husband, he was her god and master and she must always make him happy. 

"Through dominance and submission."

"Of course." giggled Debbie once more and now both of the couple felt their marriage roles change. Reginald realised that a ditzy, slutty bimbo like Debs needed to be controlled and kept in check. Debbie likewise knew now that she must answer to Reggie and fulfil his wishes without question. 

"Through oral sex and anal?"

"I do." squealed Debbie as she felt her clothes disappear and Reginald's hard cock penetrated her ass. She felt so good being fucked up the ass by her groom that it never occurred to her that she had never done it before. It especially never occurred to her that she had never done it before in front of a church full of her friends and family all having their own private fuckfests too. Reginald also felt perfectly happy at showing his dominance over his soon to be wife. It all just felt natural to the both of them. The ceremony was drawing to a close and both bride and groom were thrilled that they were getting the perfect wedding they both deserved.

"As master and bimbo, for as long as you both shall live?" finished Black.

"We do." replied Debs and Reggie in unison. 

In an instant Debbie felt all her troubles and worries disappear. She was Reggie's bimbo now and that was all that mattered, to suck and fuck as he saw fit. She was going to be the perfect bimbo slut wife for her Reggie.

Reggie also was pleased to have found someone both slutty and devoted enough to cater to his ever need. He needed a trophy wife and that was what he was getting. It was the perfect day. The couple looked up at Black as they continued to fuck ferociously in front of his as he wrapped up the ceremony. 

"Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you Master husband and Bimbo wife. Reggie, you may now cum in the bride."

On Black's order, Reggie exploded into Debs' ass causing Debs to scream out in pleasure; a scream that in turn triggered off the cock of every guy in the church apart from Black, Blue and Purple. 

All across the church cum was being shot into the appreciating mouths, pussies and asses of the cumming female guests. The whole building echoed with moans and screams of pleasure whilst the wedding crashers just watched on happily before clicking their fingers one final time. 

Only once the orgasms had finally died down did everyone come to their senses. Men and women alike were shocked at what just happened, trying to cover themselves up wherever possible. Everybody's mind and body had returned to normal except for Reggie and Debs. They would be happily married Master and Bimbo for the rest of their lives. 

...Oh and Vera? She was nowhere to be seen and nobody even noticed she was gone. Cummy Bear was now a fully fledged member of the Wedding Crashers.

Finis