11 comments/ 12631 views/ 12 favorites The Torment of Stan By: TwistedMisery "Stan? Honey. I need you to come down." Dustan Mactore sat still on the stone ledge on the roof of his thirteen story apartment building watching the traffic pass by below. Everything looked so small from so high up, and his flat green eyes surveyed the tiny cars without really seeing them. "Please, baby. You're scaring me. Please come down." He hadn't made the conscious decision to do it. His feet had carried him up the staircase as he'd walked in from work, and when he'd reached his floor, he'd just kept on going. He'd followed them all the way up until he reached the roof, and then he'd pushed the heavy metal door open. His feet had carried him to the edge, and peering down, he had stared at the concrete sidewalk that lie two hundred and forty feet below for what seemed like an endless amount of time before he had silently crawled onto the ledge, and taken a seat. His hands pressed flat on the granite beside him, and he had leaned forward as his eyes focused on a single spot below him. The spot he would land if he decided to jump. He stayed in that position for a good ten minutes before his wife found him, and began pleading with him to come down from his precarious spot atop the stone. There were tears in her eyes as she sobbed his name again. "Please don't do this. It will get better. You just have to give it time." The wind sifted lightly through his dark hair as a pedestrian passed below, and a small smile lifted his lips as he watched them cross past his landing area. "I can't do this anymore," he said softly. Closing his eyes, he grimaced as pain shot through him. "Just let me do it," he whispered. "Let me do it, Em." Her voice broke as another sob escaped her. "You can't, Stan. I need you here. I need you to live." His green eyes were tortured as they gazed up at the darkening sky. "I don't want to be here anymore. It hurts too much. I'm dead inside," he choked. Taking a cautious step forward, Emily reached out her hand to touch her husband's back, but dropped it at the last moment in fear. "Do it for me," she begged in a whisper. "Do it because you love me." Dustan turned his head to look at her with red rimmed eyes. The anguish upon his face was apparent. Digging his fingers into the stone, his knuckles whitened as he tried to control the trembling of his mouth. "Nothing helps," he gasped in a barely audible tone. "Everyday just gets worse and worse. Let me do this," he pleaded. His wife's blue eyes widened as her thoughts raced, and scrambled for a life line. Anything she could possibly think of to sway him. When she looked back at him her eyes were fierce. "You're stronger than you think. You are. You don't have to do this if you're willing to fight. You have to fight, Stan. You did it for me when we met. Now, I need you to do it for yourself." "I can't," he whispered. "Not anymore. I can't do it." "Please," she begged. "If you love me, you'll come down from that ledge." ***** It was the beginning of the second semester in his first year as a teacher's aide. He had been astonished that the university had hired him so quickly, but deep down he knew that his uncle's influence as the director of the board had been a large contributing factor in acquiring the heavily coveted position. It wasn't exactly how he had wished to begin his chosen profession, but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He was right where he wanted to be, and if his uncle had nudged him along in the process, he was perfectly fine with it. This was his calling in life. More than anything else in the world, he wanted to teach. His day began with three classes in the afternoon, a study hall in the university library, and then a final class before his day ended. He was working with his long time mentor, Professor Hollenbeck, and was beyond thrilled to have this opportunity. It was during the second to last period of the day that his mentor took his dinner break, so Dustan had been assigned to the library to watch over the students in his absence. His time there over the past week had been quiet, and uneventful, with little to do other than to direct the few students who approached him to a particular row of shelves to find the research they were looking for. Beyond those few interruptions, he spent the majority of his time sitting at a desk, and had taken to bringing books of his own to keep himself occupied. He was in the middle of reading The Woman In White by Wilkie Collins, and had become completely engrossed in the plot when he saw her for the very first time. He just happened to glance up the moment she stepped into the library, and Dustan's world fell away as he watched her cross the room. As if she had stepped from the pages of his book, she was a vision in white. She was petite, and slender with large blue eyes, and a halo of golden hair that reached her shoulders. Her white summer dress had little golden flowers etched into it, and the matching white cardigan she wore over it was slightly too large for her small frame. It made her hands practically disappear inside of the sleeves as she hiked her books in her arms to grasp a firmer hold on them. He watched as she walked towards a table not far from the desk he sat at, and set them down before taking a seat so that she was facing him. Pulling the top book from the stack before her, she set it on the wooden table top, and opened the cover to flip through the first few pages. He was still thoroughly gawking at her when she happened to lift her head, and caught his eyes upon her. Dropping his gaze quickly, Dustan peered down at his book as his heart accelerated rapidly. After a moment, he chanced another look at her, and sighed in relief when he saw that she had returned to her reading. It gave him ample opportunity to study her. She was so delicate that she almost appeared fragile. Her skin was pale, and smooth, and her coloring gave her the look of an angel. For a moment he wondered to himself if she was even real, but then she lifted her head once more, and he looked into her large, blue eyes. It caused his breath to halt in his chest as he was struck by the beauty of them. They were like two giant, clear pools that dominated her small face, and he was completely entranced by them as she looked at him questioningly. Turning her head to glance about the room, her gaze met his once more as he continued to stare. Once he finally realized what it was that he was doing, he lowered his eyes to the desk top, and lifted his book as he made every effort not to blush. When she left her seat, and approached him, Dustan swallowed hard before raising his head to meet her gaze. Her brows knitted as she looked at him making his apprehension increase. "Are you a teacher here?" she asked softly. Dustan had to clear his throat before he was able to speak. "Yes. Is there something I can do for you?" Her frown increased as she looked him over. "You seem awfully young to be a teacher," she told him. Dustan faltered as he lowered his book to the table. "I'm a teaching assistant," he admitted. "I'm working towards my certification." "Do you know anything about philosophy?" she asked curiously. His green eyes widened in surprise before he nodded. "Some. Did you need help with something?" Her blue eyes became hesitant as she bit her lip. "I'm supposed to write an essay that explores my favorite philosopher's ideas, but I don't really have one, and have never taken an interest before. I'm not entirely sure where to start." Dustan's face lit up with a smile. "There's a lot to choose from. You could go back as far as Aristotle and Plato, or you could stick to more modern philologists such as Friedrich Nietzsche. I guess it all depends on who's viewpoints you can relate to." She seemed at a complete loss. "Most of them seem to talk circles around themselves without ever really getting to a point. It seems like most of philosophy is just throwing out ideas that aren't really ideas. They're questions to things that people have trouble accepting the answers to." Dustan nodded in agreement, before frowning. "Maybe in order to find the right one, you should think about what your own philosophy in life is, and then try to find one that is like minded in their position." His response made her smile as she tilted her head. "That's actually not that bad of an idea," she answered. "I'm going to do that." Dustan was stunned as he looked up at her. When she smiled it lit up her face so that she became absolutely radiant. He had never seen anything so beautiful in his life. He felt like he was in a daze as he responded. "I'm glad I could help. Anything that you need you can feel free to come to me. I'm here everyday." "I really appreciate that," she said softly. "What's your name?" "It's Dustan." Closing his eyes, he shook his head. "I mean, Mr. Mactore." Sighing, a self deprecating smile passed over his lips. Then he looked up at her sheepishly. "Dustan Mactore," he finally settled on. She seemed amused by his indecision. "My name is Emily Woodsen. Thank you for your help, Dustan Mactore." With another small smile, she turned way from him, and headed back towards her table. Once she was seated again, Dustan exhaled slowly. The encounter had filled him with so much nervous energy, and elation that he felt like his entire frame was vibrating with it. He found that he was having trouble looking away from her now that their interaction had come to an end. He had to keep pretending that he was reading the book in front of him, but after twenty minutes he realized that he hadn't absorbed a single word, and that he was still on the same page he had been on when he started. When that thought sunk in, he lowered the book to the table once more, and closed it. His eyes were immediately drawn back to the girl. Her arm was bent, and her elbow rested upon the table as she leaned her head on the top of her hand. Her eyes were downcast on the book in front of her, and she was completely unaware that he had returned to the rude crime of pointedly staring. He just couldn't help himself. She was too lovely for him to look away, and his green eyes feasted on her as if he were starving, and she was his sustenance. When she lifted her head, and caught him at it again, he physically blanched before forcing his eyes to peer elsewhere in the room. He did it covertly, but when he looked back her eyes were still upon him. He finally blushed as he met her large, blue eyes. They gazed at one another for a long moment before Dustan finally forced himself to look down. Tapping the edge of the desk with his finger, his mind raced with the impropriety of where his thoughts had taken him. When she left her table to approach his desk once more, Dustan had to struggle to keep breathing normally. "I think I've figured out what my philosophy is," she told him. Glancing up at her, he lifted his brows in surprise. "Oh yeah?" She nodded. Her blue eyes traveled about the room for a moment before returning to him. "I don't think that people should automatically accept everything that they are told. Just because society says something should be a certain way, or that people have to think a certain way, that they should. I don't agree with that at all," she said quietly. Dustan's mouth parted slightly as he looked at her. It took him a moment to clear his head enough to respond. "Non conformity would be an interesting topic," he said in encouragement. "You might like Ayn Rand. She fought the basic principle that art is not art simply because an artist claims it to be. She was also against conformity in her own way." Emily's smile made another appearance as she beamed at him. "I'm an art major. That's kind of perfect," she replied. Dustan nodded quickly as he ran his shaky hands down the front of his thighs. "We might have a few things in the philosophy section of the library. Why don't we go check it out?" he offered. Rising from his chair, he stepped around his desk, and turned to walk the length of the room. As she trailed behind him, he passed more than a dozen shelves before he finally reached the one he was looking for, and turned down it's aisle until he reached the middle of it. As his eyes trailed over the titles that were placed there, Emily joined him in the small confines of the stacks, and stood patiently waiting as he perused the many different books that were before them. When he finally found what he was looking for, he reached out to pluck at the binding of a thick, hardcover book, and pulled it from it's resting spot. Turning to her with it in his hand, he met her eyes. For a moment he couldn't help himself, and stared. He felt trapped in the deep blue of her eyes. They made him feel as if he were standing in quick sand, and that he was slowly sinking. He couldn't break away. He was still holding the book aloft when he finally spoke. "This should be good," he said in a daze. She didn't respond, or attempt to reach for the book. She stayed still where she was in front of him, and held eye contact as he looked down at her. He knew that what he was doing was inappropriate, and the thought rushed into his fevered mind as he finally looked away. Focusing on a spot behind her shoulder, he frowned, and cleared his throat. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. Holding the book out to her, he waited for her to take it. "What are you sorry for?" she whispered. Dustan's green eyes darted back and forth furiously as he wracked his mind for a response. When nothing came to him, he lifted his panicked gaze to hers. "I'm just sorry," he said thickly. Dropping the book, it fell to the floor with a thud. In the same moment, he reached out quickly to cup her face in his hands as he leaned down to press his mouth to hers. His eyes closed as he pushed against her lips feverishly with his own. Just as quickly as he had lunged towards her, he pulled away. His eyes were wide as he looked down at her, and his breath escaped him raggedly as he waited for her to say something. The harsh words of protest he was expecting never left her lips. She only looked back at him as stunned as he himself felt. When another ten seconds of silence passed between them, he reached for her again. When their lips met this time, Dustan pressed his open until hers parted beneath his. When his tongue came out to lightly touch against hers, he felt her hands reach up to splay against his back, and a soft sound of pleasure escaped his throat as she pulled him closer to her. He lost all sense of decency in that moment as he pushed her up against the shelf, and pressed his body into hers. It made the entire stack wobble on it's feet, and Dustan broke away to look up at it as his eyes widened. When it slowed it's swaying, and stilled once more, he gazed down at her as a soft laugh escaped him. Returning his smile, she closed her eyes when his head descended again. His fingers slipped into her hair while his thumb brushed along her cheek. Her soft lips parted beneath his again, and Dustan deepened the kiss so that he was stroking into her mouth in a slow, leisurely exploration. It was hot, wet, and turned him on more than anything else ever had. He had to fight the desire to take it further as she eagerly reciprocated by kissing him back. When he finally pulled back he looked deeply into her blue eyes as he held her face in his hands. "I don't want to stop, but we can't do this here," he whispered. Belying his own words, he leaned in to take her mouth again. His self control was barely existent, and after another thirty seconds he forced himself to pull away. His forehead dropped to hers as he exhaled harshly. "There has to be another place that I can see you." "Won't you get into trouble?" she asked breathlessly. He shook his head. "I don't care." Pressing his lips to hers again, he groaned as she opened to him. He couldn't get enough of her, and he wanted more. "Tell me where," he gasped as he pulled back. "I don't want this to end." ***** "How can you say something like that? You know I love you, Emily. I've always loved you. It didn't stop you from leaving me though, did it?" he growled. Emily bit her lip as she choked back tears. "I didn't do it to hurt you," she cried. "Are you doing this to hurt me?" Turning his head, he looked at her in astonishment. "Of course not," he snapped. "I'm just done. There's nothing left for me here. Every single God damn day of my life I wake up, and wish that I hadn't. I go through the motions in every single thing that I do, and I can't find a single moment of joy. It physically fucking hurts to be alive. I. Can't. Take. It. Anymore." His eyes swelled as tears trickled down his face. Pressing his lips together hard, he fought the desire to break completely apart. "Do you have any idea what this is like? You're never here. You have no idea what I've been going through. You have no idea how hard this is!" Emily gasped at the pain that shot through her as she witnessed her husband finally giving up. She knew that she was responsible for his suffering, and she had no idea what she could possibly do to ease it. "Stan. The police are here," she said as she wiped her face. "I can hear the sirens. I want you to talk to them when they come up here." "There's no point," he said stonily. "I've made up my mind." "Promise me that you'll talk to them," she pleaded. Turning his head, he looked into her beautiful blue eyes. "Why are you doing this to me?" he whispered. "I'm doing this because I love you," she gasped. "No!" Dustan yelled. "You left! You fucking left me! You wouldn't have fucking left me if you loved me!" Dropping his face into his hands, Dustan let out a strangled sob as his entire body shook. He rocked back, and forth as he fell apart. "I'm sorry!" Emily cried. "I never should have left! Don't punish me for it by doing this now. I couldn't bear it." Stepping towards him, she willed him to look at her. When he continued to rock in place her voice became stern. "I'm here now, and I'm begging you not to do this. I'm begging you because I love you, and I don't want you to die. If you do this, I'll never be able to live with myself for the rest of my existence." When he still wouldn't look at her, she gentled her tone. "Please. Just talk to the police. They can get you the help you need. Promise me you'll talk to them." Dustan kept his head low as he wiped one of his eyes. Finally, he nodded without turning to look at her. "If that's what you want," he said flatly. "It is," she said adamantly. "Just wait. They'll be here soon." ***** "We can't do this anymore." Dustan's eyes widened as he looked at her. He had just dismissed his third class of the day. Emily had left her seat in the fourth row balcony, and had slowly descended the steps to approach him. He was watching the doorway to ensure that the last student had departed so that he could turn to kiss her when she had spoken the words. His brows furrowed as he looked at her. "What are you talking about?" he inquired apprehensively. "This. Us. We can't do this anymore," she repeated. Shaking his head, he reached down to place his hands on her hips before steering her over to his desk. Pushing her back so that she was perched on the end of it, he placed his palms on the desk top beside her thighs, and gazed into her stricken blue eyes. "Talk to me. What's going on?" he demanded. Emily clasped her hands on top of her lap, and fidgeted slightly as she lowered her gaze. She had trouble meeting his eyes as she spoke. "You're not a teacher's assistant anymore, Stan," she said quietly. He nodded in agreement. "What does that have to do with anything?" The Torment of Stan Emily hesitantly lifted her eyes to meet his. "You're a teacher now, and I'm a student in your class." "My best student," he interrupted with a grin. Tilting her head, she let out a sigh of aggravation. "I'm sorry, baby, go on." His expression grew serious once more as his green eyes gazed patiently into her blue ones. Emily broke away from his intent eyes to glance about the room in agitation. "It's just that, you've worked so hard to get where you are, and if someone finds out what we've been doing, if they catch us..." Dustan lifted a hand to stop her as he lowered his head for a moment. When he raised it again, his expression was determined. "I already know what you're going to say, and it doesn't matter." Emily frowned as she looked at him. "Of course it matters." Dustan shook his head. "No. It doesn't. Do you honestly think that I would put my job before you? Do you really think it means more to me than having you with me? It doesn't." Emily's mouth parted to rebuke his words, but she wasn't quite sure what to say, and after a moment her mouth snapped shut. Dustan grinned as he looked at her. "I love you, Em. I want you to be my wife someday. This job, any job for that matter, isn't going to stop that from happening. So, stop worrying about it." Leaning forward he lightly pressed his lips against hers. When he pulled back, her expression was stunned, and it made him smile. "Now, lets talk about something more important. Why didn't you hand in your essay today?" Emily smirked as she looked at him. "My boyfriend wouldn't leave me alone long enough for me to get any work done," she told him. He nodded in understanding. "Uh huh. I see. Did you try telling him that it was worth twenty percent of your grade?" he asked sternly. Emily pressed her lips together as she thought about it. "I believe that I did. If I recall correctly, his response was to snort at me derisively before plucking me out of the kitchen chair, and carrying me caveman style over his shoulder to his bedroom." "Did you at least try to fight him off?" Dustan asked in amusement. Emily shook her head. "He's a lot bigger than me. There wasn't really any point." Dustan nodded slowly as he took in this information. "Was that the only reason?" he asked. Emily shook her head again as she bit her lip. "What was your other reason?" he asked silkily. Taking a deep breath, Emily admitted, "I wanted him." "Is that so?" Dustan said with interest. Placing his hands on the top of her thighs, he began to rub his palms up and down their length slowly. Emily bobbed her head in the affirmative. "I don't know if I tell him this often enough, but he is an unbelievably good looking man. Every time that he looks at me it makes me tremble inside." "He sounds like a lucky guy," Dustan replied gruffly. Slipping his fingers beneath the hem of her skirt, he ran his hands along her bare skin this time. When he reached the top of her thighs, he gripped her hips in his hands, and pulled her against him where he stood between her spread legs. It made her gasp, and his green eyes became heated as he looked down at her. "Show me where he touched you," Dustan said huskily. Emily's mouth parted, but she held his gaze as her fingers lifted to undo the top button of her blouse. Moving down to the second, then the third, she opened them all before spreading the material to expose the round curves of her breasts that were confined by her thin, cotton brassiere. Pulling it down with her hands, her soft, pink nipples came into view as she bared both pale globes to his eyes. "Here," she whispered, as she looked up at him. He lifted his hand to run a thumb over the peak of one, and watched as it puckered. "Did he suck on them," Dustan inquired. Emily nodded. "He did it hard. I was begging him to take me by the time he finally stopped," she admitted breathily. Dustan nodded as he squeezed both of her breasts in his large hands. "Did he give you what you wanted?" Emily shook her head. "He tried to," she whispered. "I wanted to taste him. As soon as he opened his pants, I had to have him in my mouth. He said something to stop me, but I wanted it too much. I wrapped my lips around him, and pulled him deep. I wanted him to watch me." Dustan took a shaky breath. His fingers lifted to trail down the side of her neck as he touched her soft skin. "What happened then?" he wondered. "He let me touch him, taste him, until he couldn't take it anymore, and then he picked me up." she answered softly. "Did he take you then?" Dustan asked as he looked into her soft, blue eyes. Emily nodded slowly. "He told me to wrap my legs around him, and when I did, he pressed me against his bedroom wall, and pushed inside of me." His heated eyes burned brightly in his face as they roamed over her mouth. "How did it feel?" he whispered. "Amazing," she gasped. "Like my whole body was on fire. I didn't want to let him go." Dustan smiled as he lowered his mouth to hers. "You never have to, baby," he groaned. ***** "Mr. Mactore, I'm officer Welks. I've come to talk to you." Dustan cringed as a grimace passed over his features. "There are a lot of people who are very concerned about your welfare right now, and it would greatly put them at ease if you would come down from that ledge." Instead of responding, Dustan kept his head lowered as he watched the traffic go by. "I know you must be experiencing a great deal of emotional pain at this moment, but this isn't the answer. There's always a better way." "Do I really have to listen to this shit?" Dustan asked his wife. "They're here to help you, Stan. Please, try." Emily implored. "They can't help me," he returned bitterly. "No one can help me, Em." "Don't say that," she whispered. "We have people that you can talk to. People that can help. You don't have to go through this alone," Officer Welks told him. Shaking his head, he pressed his lips together. Inhaling slowly, he stared hard at the building across the street. "I just want to talk to my wife," Dustan finally said. The officer hesitated before responding. "I understand that. I would just feel a whole lot better if you came down. If something were to happen to you it would be a tragedy." Dustan choked on a laugh. "My life is a tragedy," he returned. "Is there someone that I can call? Someone that you want to speak with?" Officer Welks inquired. Taking a deep breath, Dustan scowled. "I just want to talk to my wife!" he yelled. Officer Welks eyes widened as he took a retreating step. "Alright. I'll give you a moment." Turning, he re entered the stairwell where his partner Edwards was standing. "What's the deal?" Edwards asked quietly. Officer Welks shook his head as he shrugged. "He said he wants to talk to his wife. I didn't want to agitate him further. Lets give him a minute, and then I'll try again." "Do you think he'll do it?" his partner wondered. "I think there's a very real possibility that he might," Welks answered. "After reading his bio, I can't really say that I blame the guy. He's had a rough road." "Poor bastard," Edwards said with a shake of his head. Welks nodded. "I can't imagine how difficult it is to lose a child. I don't think I would handle it much better than he is right now." Edwards nodded. "I don't want to have to scrape this guy off the pavement." "Lets hope it doesn't come to that," Welks returned. ***** "Why are you here?" Dustan asked defeatedly. "Every other time that I begged you to come, you ignored me." "I just couldn't," Emily said softly. "Couldn't, or wouldn't?" he wondered tiredly. "It's hard for me too, Stan. You're not the only one suffering. I didn't want things to happen this way anymore than you did. It wasn't fair. To either of us." Tears resurfaced in his pained green eyes as he turned to look at her. "Then why are you trying to stop me? Don't you see that this will fix everything?" "Killing yourself isn't going to fix this," she breathed. Tilting his head back, Dustan peered up at the sky as he tried to swallow. "You keep saying that, but you're wrong." When he met her eyes again, his expression was determined. "You can't talk me out of this, Em. It's what I want. I'm tired. I'm so tired." Emily's face crumbled as she began to cry. "I can't watch you die," she sobbed. Dustan closed his eyes for a moment before looking down. "You don't have to watch, baby. Look away. It will only take a few seconds, and then it will be over." When he gripped onto the ledge, and leaned forward, Emily cried out fearfully. "Don't!" she begged. "I love you. I love you so much. Please, Stan. Don't." Dustan's teeth clamped together, as a growl of aggravation escaped him. It seethed from his mouth in several jagged bursts of breath, and ended with a choked whimper. His chest lifted, and fell heavily as he began to unravel. "All you're doing is prolonging this. I love you too, baby. More than anything in this world. More than myself, but I need you to leave now. I can't do this with you yelling at me." Emily stomped her foot in anger. "Then I will stay here forever, and yell until I'm blue in the face," she told him. A strangled laugh escaped Dustan's mouth at her words. "What would our son say if he could see you now? Do you think this is what he would want?" It was the wrong thing to say to him. His breathing increased as his stricken eyes held hers. It grew heavier, and heavier until he was almost hyperventilating. His green eyes reddened as he fought to hold in a sob. His mouth parted, and his entire body tensed as excruciating pain shot through him. Emily's face fell at his reaction. Reaching up to touch the side of his cheek, he turned his head away roughly as he bent in half in agony. "Honey, I'm sorry," she whispered helplessly. Dustan's closed his eyes tightly, and bit down on his lip hard. When he dragged in another breath he almost strangled on it. "I miss him so much," he whispered brokenly. "I know, honey. I know you do." ***** Dustan stretched his arms before opening his eyes. The first thing that occurred to him as he rubbed his face was that his wife was not in bed beside him. Lifting his head, he listened for any sound that would alert him to her whereabouts, and after a moment he could hear the faint sounds of her moving around inside of the bathroom. Slipping from the bed, he stretched his neck as he approached the door. When he reached down to turn the handle, he managed to push the door open a few inches before it was quickly shoved closed again. His brows furrowed in confusion, and then he smiled. "Baby?" he called in amusement. "What are you doing?" "Don't come in here!" Emily called. Her voice sounded almost panicked, and Dustan's frown grew along with his confusion. Lifting his hand, he tapped on the wood of the door before leaning in to listen. He heard nothing, and after a moment, he tapped again. "Is this some kind of woman thing that I don't want to know about?" he asked through the door. There was a pause before she answered him. "Yes. Something like that," she finally called back. Dustan's smile became a grin. "I'm kind of dealing with a man problem out here myself, baby. I have to pee. Open up." "Just one minute!" she yelled. Rolling his eyes, Dustan took a step back, and let himself fall back onto the mattress. He laid there for roughly a minute before his wife finally opened the bathroom door. Lifting himself up onto his elbow, he grinned at her as she stood in the doorway wearing nothing but one of his t shirts. Scratching the side of his stubbled face, he looked into her blue eyes. "You know, baby. I think we've been married long enough that you should be able to take a dump without being embarrassed about it," he said with a laugh. His wife's expression was stricken as she looked at him. "I'm pregnant," she said quietly. Not quite expecting that particular response, Dustan stared at her for a full thirty seconds without responding. "Are you sure?" he asked slowly. Emily nodded. "Pretty sure. The stick had two lines. The box said that's a pretty significant sign." Dustan's eyes widened dramatically, and then he surprised his wife by grinning. Hopping off the bed, he lunged towards her to grab her face in his hands before leaning down to kiss her mouth. When he pulled away, he smiled down into her surprised face. "That's wonderful, baby." The elation on his face was apparent. "You're not mad?" she said in relief. Dustan pulled his head back as he frowned. "Mad? Why on earth would I be mad?" Emily bit her lip as she looked up at him. "We've only been married for six months. It's a little early for this kind of thing." Shrugging off her comment, he pulled her against him, and kissed the top of her head. "I love you. We're married, and I want to have children with you. This isn't a crisis. It's just more of a surprise. You have nothing to worry about," he told her. Squeezing her to emphasize his statement, he pulled back to look down into her wide blue eyes. "Is this what you want?" he asked warily. "You're not upset are you?" Emily shook her head to reassure him. "It's kind of a shock. I wasn't really expecting it, but I'm not upset." Dustan breathed in relief before another smile tilted his lips. "Good. Can I pee now?" he asked in anguish. Emily laughed before nodding. Releasing her, he darted into the bathroom, and quickly closed the door. When the sound of water splashing reached her ears, she shook her head as she smiled. "I was thinking of the name, Sasha," she called to him through the door. "What if it's a boy?" he called back. "Emily bit her lip as she responded. "I like it for both." Dustan opened the bathroom door, and lifted his hands to rest on the doorjamb above his head as he leaned forward. "A boy named Sasha. Isn't that kind of like a boy named Sue?" he said in amusement. Emily shrugged. "It's kind of unique. I've always liked it." Dustan nodded in agreement. "I'll tell you what. If it's a girl, we'll name her Sasha." Emily lifted a brow. "And if it's a boy?" Dustan grinned. "If it's a boy, we'll talk about it some more," he said with a laugh. Emily scowled at his amused face before clucking her tongue. "Besides, you can't pick a fight with me right now," he told her as he pushed away from the door. "I just realized something pretty monumental," he said as he wrapped his arms around her waist. Tilting her head back, she looked up into his smug face. "What's that?" she asked curiously. Leaning down to brush his lips against hers, he pulled back to lift his dark brows. "You're pregnant. Which means I can take you anytime, and anywhere that I want without having to wait for you to put your diaphragm in." Picking her up, he tossed her onto the bed before leaping on top of her. His bare chest pressed her down into the mattress as his large hands lifted to hold her head in place so that he could hungrily take her mouth. Slipping his fingers between their bodies, he made quick work of pulling her panties to the side before releasing himself from his pajama bottoms. With little warning, he slammed between her legs with a groan as she gasped, and arched beneath him. When he lifted his head to look at her, he was fully sheathed inside her body, and there was a satisfied grin upon his face. Pulling back, he thrust forward hard, and his mouth parted as his eyes closed. "You have no idea how good it feels to be able to do that," he gasped. Emily bit down on her lip as she bent her knees so that she could lift her hips against his. "Goodbye foreplay," she moaned in amusement. "I heard this happens eventually when you get married." Dustan laughed as he moved on top of her. "I'll do it the second time. I promise," he reassured her. Entwining his fingers with hers, he pressed her hands down to the mattress, and took her mouth as he began moving faster. ***** Dustan had stopped talking altogether. His dazed eyes focused on the street below him, but he wasn't really aware of anything that he was looking at. He felt completely drained. Empty. Like he had nothing else to give. "Mr. Mactore, I know you think things seem pretty hopeless right now, and that this is your only way out, but there are other options. Please let me help you." Dustan didn't respond in any way. He was still gripping the ledge in his fingers, and his back was curved as he bent forward to peer down the long drop towards the ground. Officer Welks took another slow step forward. He was halfway across the rooftop now, and his nervous gaze centered on Dustan's back where he sat precariously. He was worried that at any moment he would just lean a little farther forward, and then he would be gone. "Don't do something you're going to regret. Things may seem bleak now, but they can change. Five years from now life could be drastically different, and you will have missed it because of a decision you made in haste. Don't give up," he implored. "Christ," Dustan mumbled. "Can I push him off first before I go?" "It's nice to see you can joke at a time like this," Emily said with a sigh. Dustan shook his head slightly before clamping his mouth shut. "The accident was my fault. I know you blame me," she whispered. "I don't blame you," he said in a flat tone of voice. "I should have never driven on that road. It was late, and there was ice. I couldn't stop the car. I tried, but it just slid. No matter what I did it just kept sliding." "I don't blame you!" he said louder. Turning to look at her, his expression was angry. "I never for a second thought it was your fault. I've never blamed you for it. There was no way of knowing it was going to happen. It just did." Grimacing, he turned back to the street. "None of it was your fault. If anything it was mine. I knew it was dangerous to be out in that, and I allowed you to take Sasha and go." Closing his eyes tightly, his mind was dragged back to the awful night in question. "If I had just stopped you, none of this would have happened. It's not your fault. It's mine." "Honey, it's not your fault either," she told him softly. "Don't ever think that." "I should have been with you," he stated dully. "I should have been in that car too." Emily shook her head to deny his words. "You weren't supposed to be. It wasn't your time." Dustan lifted his head to look into her sad eyes. "It's my time now, Em. It's why I can see you when I've never been able to before. Don't you see that?" His tortured gaze held hers as he took another halting breath. "I can't go on living without you anymore. Without Sasha. I'm all alone here now that you're gone. I can't stand it," he gasped. "It's too hard. I love you so much that going on without you with me is slowly stealing my sanity. I just want to be with my family again," he choked out." "I want that too," she whispered brokenly. "I just don't want you to sacrifice your life for us." Dustan shook his head slowly. "I have no life without you. If you love me you'll accept what I'm telling you. I need you on my side when I do this. I need you to hold my hand, because as certain as I am about this, I'm still afraid." Tears slipped down Emily's face as her eyes dropped to the ground. She nodded slowly because she knew the truth. She had been hoping that she could change it, but she saw now that fighting him was only hurting him more than it was helping. "What do you want me to do?" she asked softly. Dustan sighed in relief as he looked at her. "Tell me you love me," he whispered. Emily lifted her large, blue eyes to his. "I love you, Dustan Mactore. With all of my heart." The tight feeling in Dustan's chest eased slightly. "Now, tell me that you forgive me." The Torment of Stan Emily didn't hesitate. "I forgive you, honey." Her words brought a genuine smile to Dustan's face as he gazed at her with his heart in his eyes. "I'm ready to come home now." Facing forward, Dustan closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and jumped. ***** Thirteen emergency vehicles arrived onto the scene. Three ambulances, two fire trucks, five squad cars, two emergency response vans, and the coroner. Dustan Michael Mactore was pronounced dead at seven thirty two in the evening upon a quick examination, and was promptly delivered into the back of the coroner's vehicle. Officer Edwards was making every attempt to fill out the report as his partner slumped beside him in their squad car. "It was like he couldn't even hear me," he whispered. "I couldn't reach him." Pausing in his writing, Edwards lifted his head, and frowned slightly as he gazed at Welks with sympathy. "Don't beat yourself up over it. There was nothing you really could do. When someone makes a decision like that, you're lucky if you can sway them into changing their mind." Sighing deeply, Welks pressed his index finger to his chin as he looked out the window. "I know. Something about the whole thing just hit me wrong. I'm not sure why." Edwards lifted his head again. "You're a family man. That's perfectly natural. Mactore had it all. Then it was brutally taken from him in the blink of an eye. Watching him throw himself from a building would deeply impact anyone." Welks nodded as he continued to gaze out the window. "It still doesn't feel right." ***** "Daddy, are you sleeping?" Sasha's small, four year old feet brought him to where his father was lying still on the pavement. Bending over, he tilted his head to look down at his father's face, and smiled when he could see that his eyes were closed. A soft giggle escaped him as he dropped to his knees beside him, and peered closer to his face. His voice left him in a hushed whisper when he spoke again. "Mommy told me to come wake you up because it's not time to sleep right now." Dustan slowly blinked as his eyes opened. Everything seemed fuzzy, and bright. It made him quickly close his eyes once again before opening them wider. When his vision adjusted, he glanced up into the smiling face of his son. For a moment he could only stare as his mind registered what it was that he was looking at. When the image didn't dissipate, and disappear, he sat up slowly as his mouth parted in awe. Gripping his child by the shoulders, he dragged him into his arms, and squeezed him tightly in his arms. He rocked as he held him, and in that moment all of his pent up agony was released in the sound of a single strangled sob. "Daddy isn't sleeping anymore," he said tightly. Sasha giggled, and squirmed in his embrace. "Come on. Get up, Daddy. Mommy is waiting for you to come see her." Slipping from his arms, Sasha got to his feet, and reached down to take his father's large hand in his own as he pulled and prodded to get him to his feet. Once Dustan was up, he began pulling him down the sidewalk. After they had walked a few feet, Saha paused to look up at him. When Dustan gazed down at him in question, Sasha smiled. "I'm glad you're home, Daddy. I missed you."