0 comments/ 20950 views/ 3 favorites Santa Inc. By: Warrant Damn Santa was horny. He had been flying around all night long and needed a beer and a blowjob. So far all he had gotten was some luke warm milk and crappy cookies. Oh well, it pays the bills. His real name was Alan but he was currently working for Santa Inc. Nobody realized that there was no way ONE Santa could hit all the houses in the world. It was a corporation. All run by the original Santa. He had incorporated a few years ago and hired some assistants. Alan had gotten out of the Navy a year ago and was just making some money on the side. Hey, sounded easy. Fly around in a Santa suit, drop off some toys and shit. Grab some free grub and hit the skies. Kind of like UPS. So here he was. 2 AM in the morning freezing his ass off in Colorado wearing a dorky Santa suit, fake beard, and a pillow to complete the look. Ok, no use getting all worked up. Just a few more houses and he was done. Alan was already counting the cash. But there was NO way he was doing the Easter bunny gig. No WAY. Time to get to work. Santa reached into his magic bag and pulled out the pack of skeleton keys. "Screw the fireplace. Not going to get stuck like last time. Just let me get this back door lock and…BINGO!! Alrighty then. Let's get to work." he thought. Santa walked into the house and into the living room. There was a tree and some stockings. OK, lets get the stuff unloaded and get on the road. Hell, he could probably hit Happy Hour in Sri Lanka if he hurried. So Santa started unloading all of the gifts. Amazing what you can put in the magic bag. Bikes, toys, etc. All went below the tree. Damn he was thirsty. "Oh well, wonder what is in the fridge?" He thought as he went into the kitchen. Yahoo. There was a six-pack of Sam Adams there. Well one beer isn't gonna hurt. Hell the reindeer do all the work. He just sits there and listens to the stereo. Santa went back into the living room and sat down in on the couch. Took a long pull and almost choked to death. Standing by the stairs was the lady of the house. And what a lady!! She was wearing a long red nightgown. It was low in the front and slit high on the side. She looked very surprised. They just looked at each other. He looked her up and down. She had shoulder length light brown hair, brown eyes and was very well curved. Beautifully proportioned. He could see the tops of her breasts in the v of the gown. Her tits were awesome. The nipples could be seen through the thin silk. Santa was getting erect. "Ummm…well hello there little lady. Shouldn't you be in bed?" He asked. He was trying to bluff his way out of this one. Having Santa sitting on the couch with a beer in his hand was not the proper image and could get him fired. The lady just looked at him. "Well, why don't you come over and sit on Santa's lap. Tell me what you want for Xmas." He rumbled. Why the hell did he say that? Christ!! He was gonna get canned for sure. The lady in red seemed to consider it for a minute and then slowly approached. She turned around and slowly sat on this lap. "Holy shit. She has a nice ass," he thought to himself. The fabric was tight across her hips and ass. She settled down on him and put her arm around his shoulders. She was right on his cock. He could feel the crack of her ass right on his cock. She squirmed a little to get comfortable. Santa almost came in his pants. He was getting really hard. There was no way she couldn't feel his erection against her ass. She turned her head and looked at him. "Well, Santa, I haven't been a very good girl this year. I have been bad. I don't think you will give me anything." She whispered. "Baby you have no idea" he thought. "Maybe you can make it up tonight? The year is not over yet." He answered. "What can I do Santa?? I want you to give me something. I will do anything to be a good girl for you." She murmured. Santa just looked at her and then glanced down. Her could see right into her gown. He could see her tits. They were awesome. His cock twitched. "What is your name little lady" he asked. "Leann. I am so excited to meet you Santa. I have always wanted to meet you. Not the fake Santa's but the real one." She said. Alan thought about telling her the truth but she squirmed again and that thought went right out of his head. "You have been a bad girl Leann. You are going to really have to work hard to make it up. I only have about a half hour before I have to get to the other houses. What can you do to make it up?" He asked. Leann pursed her lips and slipped out of his lap and kneeled down in front of Santa. "I will be so good to you sir. Let me be good sir." She asked. All Santa could do was nod. Leann leaned forward. She rubbed her face against his crotch. The velvet clothe covering his cock. He was so hard. Damn, he was glad he decided not to wear underwear. His meat was pounding in his pants. He could feel her face rubbing on him. Oh shit. "That is a good girl. Make Santa happy Leann." He said. She smiled to herself and reached for his belt. In a twinkle it was undone. His pants were down around his boots and her hands were on him. He was trembling as she ran her red nails along the shaft. Santa reached out and placed his white-gloved hands on her back of her head. He pulled her down and she engulfed his cock in her mouth. Her tongue was all over him. Leann was amazed. He tasted like a candy cane. Wow. She was blowing Santa Claus. What a great dream she thought to herself. After a couple of minutes he lay down and pulled her on top of him. Leann never let go of his cock with her mouth. The feel of the cock mesmerized her in her hot sucking mouth. She was fondling his balls at the same time she was deep throating him. Santa pushed up her gown and looked at her pussy. It was clean-shaven. The smell was wonderful. So sweet. He could see the wetness on the lips. He pulled off of the fake beard and laid his tongue to her. She moaned. He licked and nibbled on the outer lips. Nice and slow. Long, slow licks. His tongue slid into her. The floodgates came open. Her pussy juice was all over his chin. He was sucking it down and licking like mad. Her mouth was pumping up and down on him. He slowly licked up to the clit. He twirled his tongue on her. Leann moaned. He sucked on it. Hard. He ran his hands onto her ass and pulled her down. She was grinding on his face. Her hips moving back and forth. He pulled off his gloves and started to knead her ass as she came in his mouth. She was panting and sucking on him. His hands were on her ass and in her pussy. Her juices were everywhere. He reached around her ass and started slipping 2 fingers into her pussy as he ate her out. She was trying to suck his cock right out of his body. He could feel her throat clamping on him. Leann was going insane. Santa had his tongue in her pussy and his hands were driving her nuts. He was sliding his fingers into her alternating between probing deep and twirling around and moving the juices up to her ass. He paused and then stabbed his tongue into her. He was fucking her pussy with his tongue. His head was ramming into her. She leaned her head to the side and bit his thigh to keep from waking the house. Santa's little finger was in her ass his tongue was fucking her like no other. She came. And came and came. It felt like her entire insides had clenched and released multiple times. He pulled her on top of him. "Ride Santa. Make Santa cum Leann." Leann reached down and pulled his cock to her pussy. The head spread her and slipped inside. She sat down on him hard. He rammed into her. She could feel every inch of him. He pillow had slipped out and she was running her hand on Santa's hard stomach. She slowly rode him. It was incredible. The feeling of her pussy on him. Juices running down his balls and looking up at her. She was playing with her tits. Pulling on her nipples and sucking her own fingers as she rode him. Faster and faster. She was going to come again. She leaned forward and put her hands on his shoulders as she rode him. She was riding him as he bucked. He bucked like a stallion. She could barely hang on. He was battering her. She loved it. SHE CAME AGAIN!! "I have been very bad Santa. I need to be real good to you. Don't move." Alan could only nod. He was no longer in control. Leann wanted to do something and he was just along for the ride. She leaned forward and pulled his cock out. It was wet and slippery. She placed it against her ass and slowly sank down. "OH FUCK!!" Alan thought. "She is a very naughty girl and I love her!!" His cock slid in so slowly. He could see she was being very careful. Leann had never done this but she wanted to be a good girl for Santa so she was going to drive him insane. He slid in so slow. Leann could feel him sliding in. She was being filled like never before. She did not know if she liked it or not. But she was going to try. Santa slid in even farther in. She controlled him. She was massaging his balls as he entered her. She paused. She was undecided. "Oh please Leann. You are such a good girl. Be Santa's woman!!" Alan moaned. She loved it. She owned Santa. She settled her hips down. He was in her. She just let herself get used to him. Slowly she went up and down. After a little bit she started to enjoy herself. It was different. Then Alan reached and started to play with her clit as she rode him. Used him. His fingers were in her and his thumb was rubbing her clit as 2 fingers rode in her. Alan was so close. His eyes rolled back as he felt her body. It was unreal. He was getting used like no other. Oh shit it was unreal. She moved a little faster. Then a little faster. As she did Alan's fingers moved faster. She started to moan. So did Alan. He was going insane. The cum was like fire in his balls. He had to hold on. Just a little while longer…Leann knew she had him. She could tell. His body was tensing up like a rock. His muscles were straining. He couldn't move. She was doing it. She was fucking him. Leann was so close. It was so different. The orgasm caught her by surprise and racked thru her. She bowed back and screamed. Alan could not hold on any more. His cum erupted out. He growled in a very un-ST. NICK – like manner. Leann pulled him out and he came all over her ass cheeks. More and more he came on her. She rubbed his cock into the cum and sweat on her ass. His hot cock pulsed in her hand. After a few minutes she rolled off of him and gave him a kiss. "Well Santa?" she smirked. "Wanna be Mrs. Claus?" is all he could say. Santa is a Pervert Twat was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse because I had a few too may glasses of eggnog and passed out on the couch in front of the glowing fireplace, candles lit, naked, hair and make up perfect, waiting for my holiday piece of ass to call and wish me a Merry Christmas. I planned to tell him all about the nasty things I was going to do myself while he was on the road in Winslow, Arizona visiting his family for the holiday and then send him pictures of my debauchery on his cell. I had even brought out a few of my favorite toys for the occasion. Lube, my glass cock in an ice bucket, the ginormous rubber dildo someone I cared a lot about once upon a time bought and a few lengths of rope. I was having a nice steamy wet dream about my X-rated Christmas Party for One when...THUD!! Suddenly, I awoke with a fright! I sat straight up, my heart raced and I tried to focus my vision. I shook my head trying to make sense of what my eyes were telling my half pickled brain they were seeing. I saw a big-framed man standing in front of the fireplace dusting himself off, long white beard, in a Santa suit and hat, a black bag in his hands. The spectacles he wore on his eyes barely masked the twinkle in his eye as he caught a glimpse of my thin, long frame laid out, the shocked look on my face and all my toys on the cocktail table. "Santa?" I asked incredulously. "HO, HO, HO!" The bearded one bellowed. No one could possibly get around the security system I had in place in my house. "You really have been a naughty girl, haven't you?" He chuckled and his belly moved like a bowl full of jelly. My fuzzy mind quickly recalled the events of the evening, searching for any recollection of getting into my medicine cabinet and mixing meds with my festive cocktails. No such luck. "This can't be real", I thought to myself. I was an intelligent, professional 40-year-old woman. I know Santa doesn't exist. Does he? His rosy cheeks lifted to his crinkling eyes as his big wide smile turned almost evil. I think I even saw drool drip out of his ruby red lips onto his beard as he spied my full breasts, my chest heaving as my fear intensified, and my eyes growing wide. Quickly he moved forward to me. He smelled of cookies, winter and another scent I knew but could not place. He dropped his bag of goodies at my feet and removed his big black belt from his suit. "Sit up and put your arms behind your back," Santa commanded in a strong, low voice. Half out of fear, half out of curiosity I complied. "Oh," I let out softly as I felt his gloved hand touch me for the first time. Santa skillfully wrapped his belt around my elbows behind my back so they were touching each other and continued wrapping it down my forearms to my wrists binding them tightly. I could not budge my arms. My shoulders felt like they were being ripped apart and my breasts were jutting out helplessly in front of me. My nipples instantly got hard at the feeling of me being bound. The piercings in them sparkled in the firelight. Santa took one look at me and smiled before he reached down to his bag and pulled out a pair of ankle cuffs. "Santa has ankle cuffs? Wow, Mrs. Clause is a lucky woman," I thought to myself. Slowly and carefully Santa placed the cuffs on my ankles and tied one end of the ropes I had out to the ring on each of them. I hate to admit it, but I was starting to get a little wet at this point. Being tied up and helpless has always immensely turned me on. He then gave me a little shove forcing me to sit back on the couch. He grabbed my right calf and forced it onto the arm of the couch and tied the other end of the rope to the leg of the couch. He did the same with my left. I was immobile now. My arms bound tightly behind my back, my legs painfully stretched open and secured in a V to display my wide-open pussy that was hovering just at the edge of the couch cushion, my tits sticking straight out. My nipples tingled and my clit thumped. They so wanted attention from the bearded one. Almost as if on cue, Santa knelt on the floor between my legs. I let out a gasp as his warm mouth touched my right breast. His tongue swirled around my nipple over and over, flicking my piercing as he did. His soft beard tickled me lightly, contrasting with the pain my leg; arm and shoulder muscles were in. By the time he moved to my left breast I was panting and my pussy was soaking wet. I needed to be fucked and I needed to be fucked right now. "Please fuck me Santa," I begged in a whisper. His gloved hand made it's way to my pleading snatch while he was still devouring my tits. His thumb rubbed my clit in small, soft circles while he traced my glistening fuck hole with his finger. He was driving me crazy with his teasing. I wanted him in me in the worst way. It was basic animal instinct taking over my body. I tried to move my pussy to him to no avail. I was bound to tightly. He started biting my nipples and flicking them harder with his tongue, picked up speed and pressure on my clit and stuck two of his gloved fingers deep in my tight, wet hole. He vigorously moved his fingers in me in a come here motion that drove me to the edge. A great finger fucking always does it for me. "Oh, Santa you're going to make me cum," I cried out and dug the back of my head into the couch, as I grew closer to the Promised Land. I could feel the burst gaining momentum; I was going to cum harder than I had in a long time. I felt the sensation start at my toes and work it's way up my legs as my pussy walls relaxed then tightened up to let loose what was sure to be the mother of all orgasms. Then it all stopped! He took his hand out of me; his face off me stood up and took a step back. I was open mouth breathing and desperate to cum. A million thoughts ran through my head. I couldn't under stand why he stopped when I was obviously enjoying myself so much. "Did you ask permission to cum little girl?" Santa asked with wickedness. "No, Santa I did not," I replied sheepishly. I was familiar with this game. I had once dated a guy for entirely too long that turned me on to it. He was sexy, great looking, smart, a big guy, blue collar, sweet and oh, so much fun. He was everything a girl like me could want. Unfortunately, several other woman thought so too and he encouraged that by dicking them all. I stuck it out as long as I could before it got too hard to face myself in the mirror in the morning due to the lack of respect given me by the both of us. It was really a shame, we were really good together and he was pretty much my best friend. He could have lived out every fantasy he ever had with me, hell I may have looked the other way at his indiscretions if he had not been so blatant. I never in a million years would have cheated on him or been disloyal in anyway, but I guess I just wasn't enough for him. My good love could not save him. One morning I ripped my own heart out and broke it off and never let myself look back. He has a lot to learn about being a Southern Gentleman. It is more than being second in line at the buffet; it is about being discreet and protecting a lady from emotional pain and public and private humiliation. "For even thinking of doing so will bring you punishments," Santa barked. "Yes, Santa. I understand. I won't even think about it again without permission," I stammered with tears in my eyes. It is not easy getting yelled at by Santa. He reached into his bag and produced a whip. My eyes grew so large they felt like they were bulging out of my head. CRACK! Without warning, the tail of the whip landed squarely on my right nipple with Santa's expertise. "Uuuunnnnnnggghhh," I cried out as I tried to recoil from the sting. CRACK! To my left nipple. "Oooohhhhhh nnnnnnn ooooowwww," I heard myself whimpers as it felt like both of my tits were on fire. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! To both tits, one after the other in quick succession. "Oooooooowwwwww Fffuuuuuuccckkk," I shrieked as tears started rolling down my face and onto my sore rack now painted with red lines. I could feel my heartbeat in every line, my tits were throbbing so bad I wanted to hold them and curl into a ball, but I couldn't move. I had no choice but to sit there bound tightly and watch as the whipping continued to the point I thought I might pass out from the adrenaline rush and pain. Despite the pain that was being inflicted upon me, my denied pussy was getting juicier and juicier. I have always been sick like that. It is not something I can explain. Being uncomfortable and in pain makes me hot. Maybe it is the challenge of withstanding it; maybe it is the challenge of not being in control for a change, maybe it is the reward that always comes at the end. Maybe I am just a pervert too, like Santa. "Are you going to cum without permission? Are you going to think about cumming without permission?" Santa bellowed. "No, Sir Master Santa I will not," I replied through my sobs. He dropped the whip on the floor and grabbed a few ice cubes from the ice bucket. He knelt in front of me again and gingerly traced my welts with the ice cooling them off and numbing them enough to take the edge off. My breathing started to return to normal and my sobbing subsided as Santa tended to my wounds in such a sweet way. "Are you ready to sit on Santa's lap and tell him what you want for Christmas?" He asked in a sugary tone. "Yes, please," I replied as if a trance of some sort, a beaten down character of this scene. He pulled his pocketknife from his suit and cut my left leg loose. It felt like a long rubber band. My muscles had been pulled so tight for so long I had almost no control over it. He lifted me up with my right leg still pulled into the splits and tied to the couch, my arms still bound behind me, slid on the couch underneath me and placed me on his lap. My back was to him in a reverse cowgirl fashion. His lap seemed so inviting, almost familiar. Like I had been there before and more recently than 33 years ago. He started to caress my sore chest very lightly from behind as I settled in against his strong chest. My nipples came alive again despite their torture, maybe even more so. His contact felt so good. He seemed to know just how I like to be touched. He ran his gloved hands up and down my body making sure no curve went untouched. In short order he had me panting again, I don't know what it was about this man, but I just couldn't get enough. I needed him in some very strange way. I needed to feel everything about him and for him to feel everything about me. It seemed very natural and easy. "What do you want for Christmas little girl," Santa asked as he squeezed my tits. "I want you to fuck me Santa, really fuck me. That is all I want," I let out before I could actually think about it. Santa reached in front of us and grabbed the dildo from the table. With one fail swoop, it was in my in my pussy and sunk deep. In and out of me the dildo was rammed. Hard and fast, just the way I like it. "Oh, Santa....YES!" I exclaimed as I felt a fucking like I had not since I left the Blast From My Past. My fluids dripped out of my pussy as it was being manhandled like it so craved. When it was apparent I was not going to last much longer without cumming, Santa removed the dildo from my liquefied box and placed it on the table in front of me. It sparkled and shined of my nectar in the radiance of the fire in the fireplace. He grabbed the lube and I heard him squeeze the bottle as I felt the cold slime run down the crack of my ass. It brought a chill to my spine and gave me goose bumps. But I was not prepared for what happened next. Santa ran his gloved finger up and down my crack, stopping briefly each time at the back door entrance to massage it a bit. All the nerves back there came live. I had only played with that once on a wedding night of mine and gave it up foolishly thinking we were married and would always be together. What was mine was his for the taking. I only ever offered it up again to The Blast. He seemed very interested sometimes, even bought me a toy for it and we talked about it a lot, but his other girls would always come along and I would loose my faith in him and us and not be so eager to give so much of myself. Sometimes he only seemed to play along like he was interested in it. To me, that was a really special thing to want to offer and do with a man. But Santa seemed to get off playing with my ass. For the first time I heard his breathing change and him grunt a bit right before he lifted me up, got his cock out of his suit and sat my ass back down on it. "Oh, Santa!" I exclaimed as his magnificent, hard, throbbing cock entered my ass hole. He was the best gentleman in doing so. He moved into me so slowly, stopping every inch or so and flexing his leg muscles to allow me time to adjust and get used to the idea. "What do you want for Christmas Little Girl?" Santa whispered in my ear. He was now fully up my ass. My hole grabbed the root of his dick and held on for dear life. "I want you to fuck me up the ass Santa," I said with the Jolly Cock in me. "Do you want me to fuck your pussy at the same time?" My Dirty Santa said. "Yes, Please My Master Santa," I stumbled, not sure if this was happening for real. He grabbed the Pyrex out of the ice and promptly sunk it so deep in my pussy I thought my intestines were in danger of being perforated. OH SHIT! That was cold! But it felt so good in my steaming, hot, wet pussy that needed so bad to cum. I think Santa's specks may have fogged up. He started to fuck my pussy with the freezing cold glass as my ass was parked on his hard cock. "Do you like that Little Girl?" Santa asked in a sexy voice, his turn on obvious. "Oh yes, please fuck me Santa," I pleased as I moved my hips to his motions. "Do you want me to fuck all your holes at the same time?" Santa asked to my surprise. "Yes," I paused cautiously, unsure of what he was going to do. I am very, very dirty girl, but I am a one man woman. I was afraid an elf would pop out of somewhere and expect service. Abruptly the dildo Santa had fucked me with was shoved in my mouth and violently down my throat as he began pumping his hard cock into my ass and working the Pyrex in and out of my pusssy. Santa grabbed my tits and squeezed my tits very, very hard the way I like it. His hips moved my ass up and down on his cock and his hand fucked the hell out of my pussy with the glass. I was being violated three ways at the same time by one man, fucked three ways from Sunday by Santa It could not have been better I was going nuts. I didn't know which way to move my hips, how to feel or what to do next. I was gagging on the dildo he was shoving down my throat so hard that the tears began to roll again and I felt like throwing up. My ass was being raped like it never had and my pussy was getting just what it needed. I was so on the verge of coming so big. "What do you want for Christmas Little Girl?" Santa grunted as he fucked me hard. "I want to cum Santa. Can I cum please?" I begged as I was trying to hold back and wait for permission. "Cum NOW!" Santa said breathlessly. He rammed the dildo so far down my throat my air way was blocked, he grabbed my throat, sunk his cock deep in my ass and the Pyrex felt like it was going to meet the dildo in my throat as I began to cum, and cum and cum. He came in my ass and began to shake as he did. I had never felt that before. It was always something I had thought about with The Blast. Now it finally happened. It made me miss him a little, but mostly it just made me smile as I pretty much collapsed in front of Santa. The last thing I remember from that night is him cutting my other leg loose, undoing my arm binds, tucking me in on the couch and kissing me on the forehead before he was gone forever. The next morning I woke on the couch convinced it was all a dream until I tried to move. My entire body ached, I had pink stripes on my tits, my orifices down yonder had obviously been violated and my throat hurt. I sat up and that is when I noticed it. A present underneath my Christmas Tree that was not there yesterday. It was wrapped beautifully and had a tag on it. I forced myself to get up and hobble over to it. I sat on the floor by the tree, grabbed the gift and looked at the tag. It read: FROM SANTA I ripped it open with the fervor of a seven year old that has never gotten a Christmas present before. I gasped and started to cry when I saw what it was. It was my very own Sex Swing. Something I had always wanted. There was only one person on the face of the Earth that knew I wanted one of these so badly. We had talked about it on a few occasions. That person was the Blast From My Past. Did I really manage to get into his heart without knowing it before I walked away? Or was it really from Santa? They say Santa knows everything. Was he real or were they both the same person? I never knew the answers to any of these questions and I never saw either one of them again. My Sex Swing sits in a closet unused to this day, but every time I think about it I smile. To know that someone cared enough to try to surprise me with one of my deepest, darkest fantasies will always mean the world to me. As with every Christmas since, I will be waiting naked on Christmas Eve for my Santa to arrive and take me away from my real world for the evening. Merry Christmas To All And To All A Good Night! Santa is Coming I used to live in a small rural town, a community large enough to have a mayor, but small enough that he didn't have to quit his day job. And while I was there I began helping out with the annual Christmas parade. At first I was just a general gopher, doing odd jobs and making sure people and floats were where they ought to be, but as I continued to help out, my job evolved. Eventually, shortly after my divorce, I found I had some extra time on my hands and accepted the position of chief coordinator for the day of the parade. Now our town's parade is a modest affair, and this past year proved to be as humble as most. It consisted of a string of about ten floats constructed on flatbed trucks, hay wagons pulled by tractors or open trailers behind pickups. Between these floats march the high school band, an ever-diminishing troop of World War Two vets, some truly frightening clowns, a group of horses that clearly consist on a diet of high-fiber hay and prunes, some of the homeliest cheerleaders I have ever witnessed, and a caterwauling knot of bagpipe enthusiasts (I carefully avoid referring to them as 'players', they don't seem to play the bagpipes as much as they appear to be, well, torturing them, and judging by the sound that comes out of the instruments, that is exactly what they are doing.) While the floats are not splendorous, they are indeed unique and often bewildering. A local feed store offered up the float "North Pole Christmas", which used as a centerpiece an igloo made entirely of clear plastic pop bottles. This resembled...a big round pile of pop bottles. And if it wasn't for the three stuffed penguins (which I'm sure were won at the ring-o-lo game at last month's fall fair) it would be hard to tell just what the float was trying to represent. I decided not to mention that there are no penguins at the North Pole. Anyone who thought that a wayward Inuit had wandered that far north and built an igloo was clearly not interested in accuracy. The float was accompanied by music, provided by a 1980's era 'ghetto blaster' that had lights on the speakers and a sound quality that could only described as rhythmic static. Standing in front of the pile of bottles was what I could only assume to be the hopelessly lost Inuit, although I'm not sure that an Inuit would wear quite that type of snowmobile suit, and he certainly wouldn't scotch tape a fur steering wheel cover to his hood in quite that fashion. As humble as the North Pole float was, the opposite end of the spectrum could be seen on the "Christmas In Wonderland" float. It could have been called "A Colgate Christmas" with its dazzling whites, glittering sparkles and bright shiny silvers (think dental braces). The float was built around a remarkable tree, of which I will speak more of momentarily. There were graceful, snow covered slopes and finely sculpted drifts, all bright white and dusted with shimmering sparkles and silver sequins. When the sun hit the float it looked like half-time at the Super Bowl. The effect was so dazzling that even the snowsuited kids on the float itself were staggering around bumping into each other in a blinded stupor. However, the most arresting feature of the float was the tree at the center. It swept majestically upwards, its great lush green boughs frosted in glistening snow, delicate silver garland hanging in fine draping loops from its branches, and as it towered towards the heavens it came to an abrupt halt. The tree had been unceremoniously truncated about three quarters of the way up, leaving the top of it a flat bare stump. Apparently the float had encountered some issues with the town's overhead electrical wires and about sex feet of tree had to be lopped off. "Couldn't you have cut the bottom off of it and lowered the tree?" I asked the lady in charge of the float. The look she gave me clearly indicated that the thought had not crossed her mind. And as it did now, it brought tears to her eyes. The float called "A County Christmas" looked as if someone had opened the attic window and tipped the house over, spilling its contents onto a hay wagon. There was every manner of gaudy lawn ornament known to man stuffed haphazardly into great piles of cotton batting. Plastic snowmen leaned on plywood Santas. Plaster reindeer stood in drunkenly reeling lines, and garden gnomes trying desperately to pass themselves off as elves hunched beside hastily decorated shrubs that looked as if they had been pulled at random from people's yards as the float made its way over to the parade grounds. In fact, the entire float looked that way. Perhaps there were some irate neighborhoods that had been ransacked and pillaged by this parade-route pirate ship. The "Gingerbread House" float caused quite a stir and the paramedics were only just leaving. The house itself was a large cardboard box festooned with "candy", Frisbees, coloured paper plates, paper Mache swirls among other round items. It resembled a giant yard sale box that had been turned inside out. Earlier a boy was brought to me who was in obvious pain. He was clutching his stomach and groaning, complaining about the Gingerbread House. After I had talked with him for a few moments, I called one of the assistants over. "Take this boy to his mother and tell her that Einstein Junior here has eaten about five buttons." Finally the floats were in place and the parade was ready to begin. It was just about then that began to fall apart. Margaret, the other coordinator, rushed up to me with a dark scowl on her face. No good news ever comes from people wearing dark scowls. "I just got a call from Ida Lane," she said. I could feel the tinny taste of rising panic in my mouth. Ida was Rod Lane's wife. Rod Lane was our Santa Claus. He had been the Santa for as long as anyone could remember, a fact I found startling considering that this was the same Rod Lane who frequently took out personal ads in the local paper looking for "adventurous couples interested in swinging". Rod and Ida were in their late sixties and were widely shunned as the town perverts. Interesting how towns seem to need these 'official' characters in order to function: town drunks, town fools, town ne'er do wells, town perverts. I wanted to be the town Poet Laureate, but I doubted that any of my dirty limericks would qualify me. However, I thought the town was a bit harsh on old Rod and Ida until one evening when I was driving past their place I saw them in their living room window with the curtains open. Rod was wearing something that I have only previously seen on Freddie Mercury and Ida was on all fours on the coffee table, sporting a pony saddle on her back. At that point I decided that in the future I would find an alternate route home. But still Rod was a great Santa. He had the full belly, the rosy cheeks, the glimmering eyes and, more importantly, he owned his own suit. "What's happened to Rod?" I asked. "He fell down and broke his leg." "How?" I asked. The look that Margaret gave me told me that I really didn't want to know. I nodded in comprehension. "Okay," I said, "see if you can find me a new Santa." "I have a list as long as my arm," she said. "This is like Miracle on 54th Street." I said. "This ain't no 54th Street, honey," Margaret said. "This is Disaster on Rural Route 3." With that, Marge tossed a plastic shopping bag at me. I opened it up and found that at least Rod had sent his suit along. I hoped and prayed that he and Ida hadn't played "Santa Meets the Naughty Girl" with it. Before I had a chance to figure that out, the parade had started moving. Immediately there were problems. The North Pole float took a sharp turn and the entire pop bottle igloo rolled off the trailer and out onto the road. It sounded as if a crowd of a hundred people were standing around popping their thumbs out of their mouths. Then the leader of the high school band rushed up and asked if we could place the horses behind the marching band instead of in front of it. A sensible idea if I ever heard one. And finally one of the guys off the Country Christmas float, the one that looked like Santa's Trailer Park, came over and asked very casually if anyone had a spare fire extinguisher... And then I noticed the Santa float, still bereft of a Santa. A sense of agitation dawned on me, then eased aside to allow urgency to come along, which ducked down so a good dose of panic could fly by. I ran around aimlessly for a good ten minutes, looking for a good Santa but everyone I came across was already busy with one aspect of the parade or another. It began to dawn on me that there really was only one solution. I pulled the suit on and looked at myself in the reflection of a van window. It appeared that hard times had fallen on the North Pole and starvation was rampant. If Santa ever started looking like this, I was positive the reindeer would begin to get skittish. Tonight's menu: brisket of Blitzen. The suit hung off me in great folds and the beard covered most of my face so that I looked as if I was french-kissing a bisson-frieze. I dug around in the back of my car and came up with an old sweater which I balled up and stuffed into the jacket. Now I looked as if the famine had really taken its toll and I was starting to bloat. Margaret wandered over and had a good laugh, but she produced a pillow from somewhere and tucked my beard up with scotch tape and an elastic band. I still looked like a scrawny Santa, but at least I was more presentable. The parade was about to start and I bounded up onto the Santa sleigh and took my seat. The Santa float was the oldest float in the parade and it showed. The sleigh itself was badly in need of a new paint job and several of the reindeer had seen better days as well. In fact the entire reindeer entourage looked as if it had been set upon by a ravenous pack of wolves. There were ears missing, noses broken off and legs hanging onto the bodies with duct tape and good intentions. I was also accompanied by two women dressed as elves. One was Rita Hoffle, the big lady from the grocery store who threw hard candy at the kids with a Nolan Ryan sidearm. Her idea of an elf suit was green warm up pants and a sequined vest. The other elf was Nora, the leggy hairdresser who had volunteered three years ago to wear an elf costume and had just assumed that her place was on the Santa float ever since. Not that anyone ever complained. Nora's elf costume was scandalously brief and showed off her long legs and ample cleavage. The kids cheered for Santa, but the fathers cheered for an entirely different reason. I seemed to bump into Nora a lot lately, at the Coffee Mill, the grocery store, the dentist, and she was always warm and flirtatious with me. I only assumed that she was like that with everyone, that it was just her way. When I sat down Nora was shocked to see me. After I explained the situation she smiled. "At least I won't have Rod trying to grab my ass for the entire parade route," she said. "But you," she leaned down, revealing a generous amount of breast in the process, "can feel free to try anytime." I looked up into the sultriest pair of blue eyes I had ever seen on an elf. I glanced over to the portly Rita, but she was preoccupied warming up her pitching arm. "You should try the microphone," Nora said. I picked up the mic and looked at it doubtfully. Rod had a nice deep voice that resonated wonderfully in a particularly Walter Cronkite way. I on the other hand had a voice that sounded less like a broadcaster and more like one those guys reporting from in front of hurricanes. "Ho, ho, ho," I said, hesitantly into the mic. My voice came out of the speakers sounding almost exactly like the Jolly Green Giant on helium. "Maybe I'll just wave," I said. Nora nodded vigorously. "You're awfully fit to be Santa, aren't you?" Nora asked. "I want to be a positive role model for kids," I said, "Santa promotes obesity in children." "Kids want to SEE Santa Claus, they don't want to BE Santa Claus," she said. She had a point. I shut up and waved. It was rewarding to be Santa. The kids were smiling and cheering and shouting, except for those who were being pelted with eighty-five mile-an-hour candy canes being delivered by Rita "The Rocket". And not only was I rewarded by the reaction of the children, but as an added bonus, I had a particularly winsome elf standing in front of me, bending over at the waist, showing me her delightful ass and legs and using every opportunity to turn around and flash her breasts at me. It was difficult to concentrate, especially when she would lean over and ask if I gave special presents to really naughty girls. "After the parade," she said, "I want to sit on Santa's lap and give him a gift in return." I blushed as red as my outfit and felt very jolly indeed. The parade actually went quite smoothly. I had lots of assistance and the volunteers did a wonderful job of keeping everything moving. As we rounded the last corner and pulled into the arena parking lot, I let out a sigh of relief. Quickly I bounded off the float, prepared to get everything squared away and direct traffic so people could get their floats home. We were also planning an after-parade get-together with hot chocolate and donuts so I was eager to get inside the arena and make sure the arrangements had been taken care of. Just as I was about to run off, I heard Nora call to me from the float. "Don't take that Santa suit off, lover," she said. "Believe me; I'll make it well worth your while." I grinned like a schoolboy and blushed. I could feel my ears turn red. I did remove the scratchy beard and the pillow however, and had to tuck the costume pants into the waist of my jeans underneath. As I walked around, people congratulated me on how well the parade went and what a wonderful job I did as Santa. I believed the former and took the latter as just good manners. I did discover that the boy who ate the buttons turned out okay, and that the doctor had found about twenty-six cents in loose change and a piece of Lego as well. I kept craning my neck looking for Nora, but I was kept so busy that I could only catch quick glimpses of her. By the time things wound down it was dark outside and Nora was nowhere to be found. I wandered out into the parking lot and looked at the remaining floats, the ones that were actually owned by the parade committee. I was tired but content, it had been a good day and the parade had been a success. I had missed my chance with Nora, but it would give me something to fantasize about later. I picked up the shopping bag with the Santa beard in it from off the float and turned to head to my car. "You should put that beard back on, Santa." I turned and saw Nora coming out of the arena door, still dressed in her short elf skirt. "I thought you had left long ago." "And miss telling Santa what I want for Christmas?" she said playfully. "You don't get a chance like that every day." She walked past me and stepped up onto the Santa float. In the dim glow of the arena lights I caught a glimpse of her beautiful pale naked ass beneath her skirt. She hopped up onto the float and sat down on the sleigh. In a flash, I was up on the sled myself. I'm sure my eyes were twinkling and my dimples, if I had any, would have been merry. Nora leaned over and slipped the beard down over my face. As she did so, I had a wonderful view of her deep cleavage. "Now, Santa what I really want for Christmas is a ride to the North Pole." She sat down on my lap and felt my hardness pressing into her. "Well, there's the North Pole now!" This was just about the corniest thing I had ever done, but at that moment I couldn't have cared less. Nora took my hand and placed it on her hot, naked thigh. "You know what I find tragic? Every year Santa brings presents to all the good little girls and boys, but nobody ever gets a present for Santa. Well, Santa, this is your lucky year." She slid my hand up to the soft warm skin of her inner thigh. I could feel an even greater heat emanating further afield. "This year Santa, I want to give you a very special present." With that my fingers touched her, she was smooth, shaved completely and her skin was hot and moist. I let my finger run up and down the satiny slit for a few moments and then slipped a digit inside her. She groaned loudly and pushed her pelvis against my hand. She rocked on my finger for a moment and then pulled up as I added a second. My thumb rolled over her clit, causing her to cry out in the cool night air. She began to bounce up and down, driving my fingers deep into her. Her arousal ran down my wrist as she gasped and panted. And then she froze, her body vibrated and tensed and she let out a soft, high squeal. I felt her fluid gush over my hand as she came. Nora took a moment to catch her breath then leaned back against me. "Oh Santa, you ended up giving me a gift after all. Wow." She then climbed off me and got down on her knees between my legs. "Poor Santa, I think you need a bit of attention." She pulled my red flannel pants down and undid the jeans beneath. In a moment, my hard cock was standing straight up in the cold air. "Jesus, Santa, you could kill a girl with that," Nora said. She wrapped her hand around my shaft and I groaned out at the intense feeling of her soft, warm palm around me. I saw her lower her head and felt the hot, wet heat of her lips suck around me. Nora's head began to bob up and down, slowly and rhythmically at first, then more passionately until finally she was frantically sucking on me. It felt amazing, her lips sliding up and down my shaft. Too amazing, I suddenly realized and begged Nora to stop. She sat back on her haunches, a wide grin on her lips. "Did that feel good, honey?" "Oh my god, yes," I said. Nora reached into her top and pulled a condom out from between her breasts. She tore it open with her teeth and began rolling it down my cock. "I am going to make your Christmas fantasies come true." She looked at me in the eyes. "Who's kidding who, this is actually MY Christmas fantasy." She straddled me, one hand on my shoulder, the other hand guiding my cock into her. And then she sat down, her pussy engulfing me completely. I gasped and thrust upwards, pressing against her cervix. She cried out and threw her head back as she began to ride me. My hands went to her breasts and I pulled the bodice of her elf costume down. It was elastic and came over her breasts easily. She had removed her bra, and her creamy globes sprang free, almost glowing in the dim streetlights. I buried my head between her bobbing breasts, taking one nipple between my lips and then another. She was gasping and pulling my head to her chest, hissing for me to suck her tits. I complied completely and devoured her, sucking her nipples hard between my lips. By now the float was really rocking. I looked up in time to see a reindeer teeter over in the cotton batting, it's cracked and busted hooves flicking up into the air. Nora's fingernails suddenly dug into my shoulders and she cried out "I'm cummmmming!!" I felt her tense up and shudder, her muscles clamping down on me like a velvet fist. It was too much and I joined her in my own climax. She flopped against me, her breasts pressing into my face. I fell back and we sort of lay in a panting heap on the sleigh. "Well Santa," she asked between breaths, "am I on your naughty list or you're nice list?" "Oh god, Nora, the naughtier you are, the nicer it is," I said. She laughed and began to untangle herself. "I think, we should do this again real soon," she said, leaning over me and kissing me on the mouth. "Just because Christmas only comes once a year doesn't mean Santa should."