3 comments/  7222 views/  0 favorites

Picking Up the Pieces

By: me_thestoryteller



"Half mile...three quarters of a mile...one mile." 

I intently watched the tread mill odometer and the ever so important calorie indicator as I attempted to realize my goal of five miles. Suddenly from behind me a feminine voice said,

"You're doing great Angela for a newbie. You came a long way since you joined the club today." I grunted out,

"Thank you. I do feel better, but yikes, this is killing me." 

Heather, one of the fitness club's six staff exercise instructors, but was also the women's aerobics instructor. I really wanted to start doing aerobics, but since I'm carrying a few extra pounds...I thought it would be wiser to shed those extra pounds first. Heather flashed me a big smile and said with an infectious upbeat tone to her usual sultry voice,

"Well...after all this is only your first day, but you're doing very well. You'll get used to the temporary discomfort and I guarantee...you'll be running like a pro in no time and then I'll move you to my aerobics class when I think you're ready. I was looking at your membership card earlier...I noticed that you signed up for aerobics, but for now we'll keep you on the machines to trim your weight down...okay? Like they say...no pain...no gain. Right?"

"Right...I guess." Heather gave me a perky smile and said,

"Soooo, keep up the good work Angela and remember, everyday you accomplish your exercise goals adds to your self confidence while toning up your body. Well...I have to check on the others and I'll be back to check on your progress...Okay?" I nodded and said,

"Okay...I'll try." Heather shook her head and say,

"No...you're going to do it. Try is not in our vocabulary at this club." 

I bit my lower lip and nodded and Heather smiled again...then walked over to a sweaty, but nice looking gentleman on an arm curl machine nearby and left me to my agony. I hated her, but at the same time envied women like Heather. Heather was a tall, gorgeous, fit and trim twenty-seven year old with honest to god movie star looks...and not in the girl next door sort of way. She wreaked sexuality...the kind of woman every man drools over in their wet daydreams and women hate. 

I knew when I joined Body Sculptors fitness club and this was my first day that I was grossly out of shape and desperately needed to better myself, but what really gave me the needed push was that I was beginning to look like my sixty-two year old mother and I'm only thirty-seven. I was recently divorced two years ago after a ten year marriage with three small children at home while holding down a full time job as a licensed real estate agent at a local realtor office. Someday I hope to have my own office...once I get some breathing room because the divorce left me financially out on a limb. 

Turns out, my ex husband left me with a mountain of debt and back taxes...he sort of just forgot to pay them when he left me for another woman. How can you just forget a 5K gambling debt or a 16K debt to the IRS? Since I now own the home we lived in for ten years...I'm totally responsible and have to pay. I make a very good salary, but some of that goes towards paying off his debts and back taxes then there's the monthly mortgage, bills and other expenses...so there's very little left over to live on. Don't get the idea that I'm destitute...I'm not, but it would be nice to not have to worry about money. My ex does pay child support, but it could be more...a lot more. To be honest...I shouldn't have to be the one struggling like this for something I didn't cause and I wish my divorce lawyer was more aggressive in dealing with my ex, but he wasn't. Sorry to rant and rave about this...but it really ticks me off. . 

After having three kids and my love for food, I have a belly to go along with my thick thighs and hips and to make things worse...I have no upper physical strength what so ever. I even have trouble lifting my five year old son for a motherly hug with out grunting and taking two Tylenols afterwards. I have all the bad habits a couch potato like me was blessed with...my love for good food, munchies, smoking and an occasional glass of wine being the four habits I needed to purge, but at the same time...enjoyed. In my profession as a Real Estate agent, physical strength wasn't necessary because we only have to show houses and do paper work...not lift a Volkswagen and carry it a mile. How much strength do you need to hold a pen or unlock the front door to a house you're showing to perspective buyers...how about none? 

The real truth as to why I'm enduring this agony is...while I wanted to shed a few extra pounds, I really wanted to get into a fit and trim shape for the guys. After my short ten year marriage came suddenly to an abrupt end...I found myself out in the dating world and not having much luck. I mean, what normal man wants an out of shape, somewhat plump, putze like me...none, that's who? My ex, an undeniably handsome man had enough of me and when he met Ms. Rich bitch...well, he didn't have to think twice about handing me my walking papers. Out with old...in with the new I guess. 

However, I'm not that old nor am I ugly...I just think he didn't want to be married with children anymore. To be honest...I'm very attractive, just as attractive as the woman he left me for and she wasn't much younger than me...mid thirties, but she had no children, she was rather wealthy and ran her own public relations company. Not only that...she lives an exciting and full life...traveled Europe when she was in college...goes skydiving...scuba diving...attend the opera and goes to jazz festivals. Just about everything I don't or can't afford to do...she does. God...I have to wonder what she sees in my ex because he's a regular SOB. Um...I'm kind of short...a petite 5'2" tall...around 125lbs and I have saggy 34D boobs. Um, my right breast is slightly bigger than my left...I'm lopsided and very self conscious about it. I have shoulder length blonde hair and big blue gray eyes, but when I'm dressed to the nines...I'm a knockout. So guys...what gives? Why don't normal men find me attractive? 

In a world where eye appeal is everything...how am I going to compete with all these sexy young gals? The few dates that I had soon after my divorce was a foretaste of things to come and I knew I had to do something drastic. So when my decision to do a complete makeover came...it wasn't hard to decide what to do. 

The first thing I did was to join Body Sculptors fitness club and get a six month membership. Since I work from 8AM to 4PM five days a week...I have to leave right after work and take the late afternoon classes, but there's weekend classes too and I try to get to the Saturday classes as early as I can. There's really no set time when you have to start your exercises...you start when you get there and leave when you want. Usually I'm good for two or three hours until my body tells me enough already...so I get home around seven unless I stop to get milk or a few emergency groceries and then you're talking eight o'clock. 

The second major change...at my girl friend's prodding I might add...was to join a coed league softball team and that in its self was a surprise because as it turns out...I'm a very good softball player. We play on Sundays because everyone involved has that day off...including me. I do look cute in my softball jersey, but I have to admit that it's kind of difficult rounding the bases after hitting a ground ball while my lopsided 34Ds are flopping all over the place...even with a sports bra on. Well, if Carol...my very buxom girlfriend and the two other girls on our coed team can manage...so can I.

I was no where near my goal of five miles, when a very deep and manly voice said,

"How are we doing Angela? Did you finish your required distance?" I rolled my eyes at the blonde 6'2" well toned Olympian God and shook my head...mentioning, 

"I did a mile and was taking a rest before doing the last four miles. Um, I'm scheduled to do five miles...right?" Steve, the exercise instructor just smiled and looked at my chart and said,

"I see. Um, I think we can move you up a bit...to the next level of difficulty. You have been level one since you started." I rolled my eyes as I wiped the sweat off my face and said while fluttering my eye lashes,

"I like level one, besides this is only my first day. Can't you make an exception for me just this once...pretty please?"

Steve nodded understandably and then shook his head and said,

"No...I really can't do that...it would be unfair to everyone else here. Anyway...most people start out at level two. You're doing the children's level and it's very unfair to your physical development." Well my attempt to use my feminine wiles obviously failed and I rolled my eyes and said,

"I didn't know that."

I really didn't know and Heather never said anything earlier. Steve reached over and moved the speed control dial up one notch and immediately I felt my legs moving faster just to keep up and I jumped off after a minute to regain my breath. He recorded the change on my exercise chart and flashed a smile and said, 

"Now...doesn't that feel better? You can do your remaining four miles and finish your distance goal at this new setting and get used to it. The next time you come in...you can begin doing your required distances using the new settings as your normal exercise routine?" 

I was game because that's why I'm here...for the excruciating pain and very little glory. I nodded and silently let out a moan as I got back on the treadmill and said to myself,

"One mile completed and four miles to go. God this is going to take like forever if it doesn't kill me first."

"I think they intend to kill us." Out of courtesy I said,

"Pardon?"

"I think they intend to kill us." 

I looked over my left shoulder towards the voice and saw that it emanated from the sweaty but attractive gentleman on the arm curl machine. His machine was cattycorner from me, maybe back about five feet with the wide aisle between us. His was the first one in his row and my tread mill was the last one in my row, but I guess its how you look at it. Kind of like saying that a glass is half full or half empty...which never made any sense to me. I managed a smile and said,

"Well, they certainly have nothing on the Marquis De Sade and I think they actually enjoy our agony. Too bad they didn't take into consideration petite women with short legs like me." The gentleman let out a smile and said,

"I agree. Hi...I'm Larry. I've been here three weeks, but I'm wondering if I made a big mistake...I'm not into exercise to tell you the truth."

"Hello Larry...I'm Angela. This is my first day and I'm already wondering if I made a big mistake. To be honest, I'm trying to lose a few pounds and get myself into shape and hopefully get back into the dating game...before I'm too old to even care anymore." Larry smiled with a nod and said,

"Me too. I'm just trying to remake myself, but I think it's a hopeless cause. Then again...too many beers and snacks and not enough salads might have tipped my bathroom scale adversely." I could relate to that and proceeded to explain as I tried to keep up with my treadmill's speed increase. I explained,

"Um, after my divorce two years ago, it was just last month that I took a good hard look at myself in my bedroom mirror and didn't like what I saw. Gosh, I'm only thirty-seven, but I was beginning to look like my mother...tons of flab everywhere I looked. Talk about a wake up call...yikes." 

Larry smiled politely and continued on with his exercises. I tweaked my head to the left a little and out of the corner of my eye, I watched Larry as he feverishly pumped his arms, while my sports bra corralled breasts bobbed and bounced in every direction possible. Sweat poured down my face and upper chest and I felt very self conscious about it...I must have looked terrible. However, as I watched him, I couldn't imagine why he was going through this agony because he wasn't that overweight. True, he had a few extra pounds here and there, but don't we all? Larry was still doing his exercises when I finally finished my five miles and got off the tread mill. I took several sips of bottled spring water and then wiped myself off with my kid's Sponge Bob beach towel and then wiped down the tread mill hand grips as it was the club rule that we clean the equipment we used. I flashed him a smile when I caught his eye and said,

"Well...good luck Larry and don't overdo it." 

I flashed another smile and shoved my water bottle, Sponge Bob towel into my large tote bag and headed towards the front door. In a little over three hours I was finally done with my bout with agony and my body ached...but yet, where was the ecstasy? However, I was actually feeling better about myself when all was said and done and said a cheerful "bye" to Heather who was behind the front desk. She returned my "bye" and added,

"See...what did I tell you? Accomplishing your exercise goals brings out your self confidence? Now...don't you feel better about yourself?" I nodded and gave her a doubting smile and said,

"You were right Heather...see ya at my next session...bye, bye."

Well to be honest...if I was a tall, gorgeous twenty-seven year old without a care in the world...I would have tons of self confidence too. I struggled to push open the heavy glass door and stepped out into the hot humid evening which clung to me like a damp bath towel. I needed a shower desperately and I couldn't wait to get home. With car keys in hand, I walked a short distance to where I was parked and my heart suddenly sank when I noticed the front tire on my three year old Dodge Caravan family hauler was flat. I sighed for a moment and then pulled out my cell phone and called triple A for roadside help. It must have been ten minutes later when Larry effortless pushed out through the glass door and saw me talking on the cell. Without hesitation, Larry walked over and asked,

"Hi Angela? Anything wrong?" I rolled my eyes and let out a long sigh of a woman dammed and pointed to my front tire which was extremely flat and said,

"I have a flat tire. I was calling triple A, but they can't get to me for another three hours at least. They said there's a lot of dead car batteries tonight because of this hot humid weather we've been having and will put me on their list." Larry nodded and made a suggestion,

"Do you have a spare? I can change it for you and you could be on your way in ten minutes?" I bit my lower lip and thought for a moment, then said,

"I don't want to put you out."

"It'll be my pleasure." I smiled and popped the rear hatch and Larry pulled out the spare tire and jack. I apologized again and mentioned,

"Tom, my ex always maintained our cars and when we divorced I had to do it myself...well my garage guy did. I'm totally helpless when it comes to anything mechanical, but cooking is where I excel...as you can plainly see from looking at my rather flabby stomach." 

Larry glanced me a smile as he jacked up the car, but had to mention in a matter of fact way,

"I think you look just fine to me, just a little out of shape that's all. I found that too many women have this unfair view of themselves and you know what...so do men. I guess I'm not one to talk because I'm going to this fitness club to whip myself into a superman or something, but isn't that irony in its purest sense?" 

I knelt down by Larry as he loosened the lug nuts on the flat tire and I asked...trying to make small talk,

"I take it...you're divorced too...from what you said inside the club? How long were you married? Any kids?" 

I smiled because I was asking fair questions, but surprisingly, Larry filled me in on his lackluster former marriage,

"I was married nine years to a woman who wanted the brass ring and never got it from me. Um, she was having an affair with this guy and well, she chose him in the end. As divorces go...we had a rather polite and amicable divorce. Even our lawyers were taken aback at how easy it was. We divided up the possessions and went our separate ways. Karen got the house and furnishing of course...I insisted on that. It was way too big for me and we didn't have any kids so the house was no big deal to me anyway."

I listened as I did the womanly chore of holding the hub cap as he undid each lug nut and dropped them into the hub cap so they wouldn't get lost. I smiled and asked,

"Was she beautiful...um, your ex?"

"Yes she was very beautiful. Physical appearance was very important to her. She wore only the latest fashions and pampered herself at spas and beauty salons...like some movie star or something. She even had beautiful friends...men and women who were just as pampered as she was. Um, I felt so out of place when we attended parties and there I was rubbing elbows with the beautiful people and I was always the frog. Give me down to earth people anytime." I smiled again and said,

"I better cancel the triple A guy...excuse me for a moment?" I pulled out my cell and made the call. I canceled the emergency call to triple A, then made another call,

"Hello mom? Um, I running a bit late...I have a flat tire. No...I'm still down at the fitness center. A very nice man offered to change my tire. No...I did call triple A, but they wouldn't be able to get to me for three hours. How's the kids...are they behaving? No...you tell Joey that he can't have soda this late at night...it'll keep him up all night. How are Sarah and Tommy? Get out...they did? Just give them a bath and I'll wash their clothes when I get home before I take a shower. Okay mom, hold down the fort until I get home...luv ya...bye, bye." I rolled my big blue gray eyes and knelt down by Larry and he asked,

"Trouble at home?"

"Just the usual. Um, my youngest Joey is five and has a problem with sugar and can't have soda or candy...especially at night. If he does somehow get hold of a soda and drinks it, he'll be wound up tighter than a clock spring and I'll be up with him all night playing board games so he'll get good and tired. Um my other two, Tommy...nine and Sarah...seven, somehow came into contact with a skunk and got sprayed. As we speak, my mom is giving them a bath and when I get home, I'll give them another bath and wash or just trash their clothes. I know from experience that you really never get skunk smell out of clothes, so I just throw them in the garbage can out by our garage. Thank God my mom's off for summer and watches the kids when I'm at work, but when she's working...she keeps the kids with her since they all go to the same school she teaches at. My mom's an English teacher at Dallas Area Elementary School. Ever since my dad died five years ago, she has been living with us and helps me out or I'll surly go out of my mind from worry." Larry nodded sympathetically and had to ask,

"Sounds like you guys live out in the country?" I had to laugh and nod...explaining,

"Yes and no. We live in a beautiful old Victorian house up in the back mountain...Dallas, a half mile past Misericordia. We have two acres that used to be part of a commercial apple orchard and we even have a few old survivors...apple trees near the woods at the back of our property...so I make apple pies when I have time. Um, we live so close to the woods, my kids are always getting poison ivy, poison oak and the occasion bee and wasp stings...so it's not unusual to see skunks, deer, rabbits and a host of small fury critters most of the time. We even get bear visits now and then and I have to keep "Bob" our golden retriever inside until the coast is clear. By the way, besides my 24/7 job as mother and referee, my day job is being a real estate agent at Lewith and Freeman here in Kingston...and you?"

"I'm a columnist for the Times Leader over in Wilkes Barre." I smiled and mentioned,


Picking Up the Pieces



I have a theory that every beautiful person has to have a friend, a less beautiful homely friend, to always be there to assure them of their beauty and perfection. I, unfortunately, have been that friend for my whole life. I have gotten used to it over the years. But it doesn't lessen the sting every time someone fawns and tells me how it must be wonderful to have such a beautiful man for a best friend. It hurts almost as much as it hurts to pick up the pieces each time he participates in his little experiments. And that's how he always phrases it. No matter the gender, "I could be persuaded to participate in a little experiment." He's that insecure. That screwed to hell. But I am always there to pick up the pieces.

I had missed the original proposition but I could imagine it. When Peter came laughing into our tiny student loft I knew it had happened again. He glowed, even more than usual.

"Oh Jax, his accent is perfection." If it were a movie Peter would have twirled and fallen onto his four poster bed covered in decorative throw pillows. Fortunately this was not a movie, unfortunately it did not make Peter's false happiness any less sickening.

"I'm so glad for you." My voice was flat, I knew it was and I knew I should try harder to be happy for him, but I couldn't. Even though this time could be the time it worked out. The time that the experiment didn't end up with Peter falling in love and whoever realizing that the ball of energy and broken glass was so not worth the (supposedly) great sex.

"Why can't you be happy for me?" He's still smiling, but a bit less brilliantly. It's still better than any smile anyone normal would ever dream of having. 

"I am, I just don't want you to get hurt. I don't think jumping into things has worked for you in the past so maybe taking it slow once wouldn't-"

"Just cause you're a little prude that can't ever let loose doesn't mean that I can't ever have a relationship!" Oh, now he isn't smiling. But even mad Peter looks pretty good. He doesn't get blotchy like most people, or cry like I do.

"Sorry just saying." Peter stomps across the loft and begins furiously texting. I can only imagine it is his new amazing love interest. I hope it doesn't last too long. The longer it lasts the longer Peter is sad. Even though he can somehow sob and look good doing it, I can't stand it when he is miserable. Even if he is an idiot that should realize that he does the same thing each time.

It is amazing that Peter can still love with the wholeheartedly abandon that he does. His mother died a few years ago, when she killed herself. Ever since then his father blames him for everything. His little brother does everything his father does, and recently that has been ignoring Peter unless calling him a dirty whore or other worse things, always Peter shrugged it off. He still insisted on going home and sends his brother presents. He paid for his own college and half of the loft. He didn't seem to mind that his family was completely alienated from him. But I knew that it bothers him. He had loved his mother with all his heart and he had been the one to find her, wrists slit in the bathtub. There had been no note.

I thought maybe that was why he had so many partners, but even before his mom died Peter had been rather free with his affections. It had gotten worse, after, but not a lot. I almost wrote it off as a part of his personality, but each time it ended he was so hurt. Peter wasn't built for casual relationships, but couldn't seem to stop hooking up with people that wouldn't commit. 

**

"Jax, you cannot believe what Marc got me!" So that was his name. Over the past month I had learned that this new experiment was an exchange student from France, that he had a wicked accent. I had also learned many things about his anatomy that I had not needed or wanted to know, but up until this point I had not known his name. I hadn't particularly wanted to know, and I don't think Peter was a eager to share this Marc with me as he had been to share many of the others, in that way at least, this time was different.

"I have no idea." Peter held up a necklace. It was really pretty, but looked like something you would most likely get a girl. Not that I had anything against pretty things, it was just that it was a very fine chain, and on it was a tiny fleur de lis with a tiny heart shaped red stone in the center.

"Very pretty." Peter's face dropped. 

"You don't like it." 

"I told you, I think it's pretty. Plus it doesn't matter what I think. It's yours from Marc. It has nothing to do with me." Peter looked a bit pissed at me. I didn't understand. What did he want me to say?

"Why do you hate Marc so much?" 

"I don't hate him." Now I was getting upset, how was this my fault, all I was doing was writing my essay for English class that was due tomorrow, I still had a page and a half to write and the whole 20 to edit. "I don't even know him, I didn't know his name till two minutes ago. Why do you care so much what I think? You are going to date who you want, and I'm not going to interfere until you get dumped and come crawling back crying. That's how it's always been what makes you think it will all change now? " I could feel the tears tickling the back of my throat. Peter looked stunned.

"You really think that's going to happen?" He spoke softly. I shook my head and sniffed. I really didn't want to do this right now. 

"It's pretty. I'm happy for you." I tried to sound sincere and go back to my essay, but I could tell Peter was still looking at me. I wondered what he was thinking. If he was thinking.

"I've been stupid before. But Marc is different. Really, I think I love him." I turned to look. Peter was back to glowing, "I think he loves me too. He is so nice to me, he makes me feel so safe and looked after. He never makes me feel dumb, or like a slut." Peter's eyes focus on me and for a moment I feel like the worst scum that has ever walked the earth. 

"Peter-" He doesn't let me finish.

"Not that you meant to. But, Jax, sometimes I wonder if you like people at all, you never date you don't have any friends-"

"I like you-" That kind of hurt, I did have friends didn't I? And Peter was my friend. We had been for years.

"And whenever I go out with someone you look at me each time I come home like you are trying to guess what we did, trying to see if I have some stray semen in my hair." I flinch- ick, but then I can't help but look up at Peter's hair, luckily the only things I can see are perfectly sun gilded locks tousled by the wind. "Have you even been on a date? Are you straight? Gay? Asexual?" I stare at him. My supposed best, and only, friend.

"How can you not know?" 

"Do you know?" Now he doesn't seem angry. I'm not either, and I don't know how to answer, so I stay silent. I go back to my essay and hope that this is one of those things that fade into the places between memories never to be seen again.

**

The morning dawned all too early, I found that the essay I had unhappily finished was actually supposed to be 25 pages and had to stay up all night to finish it. Peter had also stayed up all night, but talking to Marc. The conversation had, luckily, stayed in the pg-13 range, it had also been sickeningly sweet and very distracting. The good thing was that Peter did see to have forgiven me.

"Come have lunch with Marc and me!" he had exclaimed over breakfast. "Then you can see that it is different with him, then you can be happy again." Peter was so happy about his perceived solution I couldn't say no. Anyway what was an hour, when they broke up I would have days of Peter telling me how sorry he was and how he should have listened. I could stand one hour hearing how wonderful he was. Or so I thought. 

After English I headed to the cafe Peter had told me to meet them at and seated myself at one of the outside tables and sipped a juice. I was still tired from my all-nigher, but coffee didn't seem like the best idea before the coming ordeal.

"This is Marc!" Peter spoke from behind me. I jumped, completely startled. I didn't remember the daydream I had been having, but it had been a nice one. 

"Bonjour!" said Marc. It seemed a bit forced to me. He spoke perfect English, I had heard it, and I knew that most people didn't use such formal greetings with peers, even in France. 

"Hi, I'm Jackson, I've heard lots about you." I tried to smile. But I'm sure it came off as a bit fake. Whatever we could both be fake, just as long as Peter bought it.

"You are very pretty, you together are a pretty pair." Marc stepped back and pushed Peter gently so our faces were close together.

"What do you mean?" I asked, no one had ever said I was pretty, it was ridiculous, especially next to Peter.

"Yes, together you are quite pretty." Marc smiled. I think it is because your dark hair makes Peter's hair look more blond and less brown, yes. You are close in height and build. You would look good together, do you want to have a trois with us, Peter and I?" Marc asked.

"What?" I asked I was pretty sure I knew what he meant but-

"Three, three of us together, in bed, loving, menage? A threesome?" 

"We could have out own little experiment," laughed Peter, "it would be like always, only you would be there." His eyes lit up. I couldn't imagine this was happening. I would think it was a nightmare, but I don't think my mind could come up with something so twisted.

"You seem to be forgetting, that each time you have an experiment, I end up holding you when you cry." It was a mean thing to say, and Peter looked devastated. But I was sick of this I wasn't going to be pulled into one of these sick games. I couldn't be one of the throw away notches, an experience to be remembered and recorded in The Journal. No, I couldn't do this anymore. 

"Peter, I don't think that would be a good idea. I know it wouldn't be a good idea." Peter looked a bit sad, he was probably making excuses for me in his head. I would surely be hearing about this later. I pushed my chair back, I didn't like the way Marc was still looking at me. "I still have a lot of work to do-" Peter was disappointed that I wasn't even willing to stay to lunch. But after that little conversation I didn't think it would be that good of an idea. Plus I needed some sleep.

**

"I can't believe you didn't even give him a chance. I really Jax, he was just being nice." The door banged open and Peter swirled in, well walked. It just seemed like he swirled because of the mass of bags he carried. "We went shopping and he even made me pick you out things. You have to come look." I didn't want anything that Marc bought. Even if Peter picked it out. 

"Peter, you know that really isn't-"

"Jax, when are you going to stop being a dick?" I stared at him. Peter and I had been friends forever. We had never really fought, but I could tell Peter wasn't just irritated. He wasn't just playing. He wasn't going to pass this off later as tiredness. "Don't look at me like that Jackson. You know you are being an idiot. Just because the stick up your ass is starting to hurt doesn't have anything to do with me. I could care less that you are so far in the closet you might as well be in Narnia. It doesn't mean I want to be. Just because you think anything other than straight missionary with the lights off is gross doesn't mean the rest of the world is stuck on the Mayflower with you. Oh are you going to cry now? Might as well, maybe that should be your hint you aren't as straight as the dry spaghetti you are so eager to impersonate." I did feel like crying. This is what I got for trying to protect my best friend. What could I say to such an attack. Where could I go, what could I do? 

"Standing there like a fish out of water really isn't that attractive Jackson. You are always so bitter about your looks. You aren't even ugly, you could get a date if you pulled out the stick and maybe smiled once in a while." Peter didn't seem angry anymore. 

Peter turned to his bags and began digging through, looking for something. He smiled cruelly and held up a small silver object. 

"Even Marc could tell how tightly wound you are, in the ten minutes he met you. Found something to loosen you up, even just a bit." It must have been some sort of plug or vibrator. I couldn't take it. How could Peter be so mean? Deliberately cruel? I picked up my keys and left the room. Walked down the stairs to the street and along the sidewalk. I didn't know where I was going except away. Peter and I had never fought, at least not like this. What was it about Marc that made Peter so different? Was I wrong? Maybe this time really was different.

The tears hadn't fallen, and for that I was grateful. I supposed their glassy redness made me look a bit high, but better high than the numb desolation I was feeling. Peter was the only friend I really had. It was the reason I was still friends with him, the reason I always waited for him to come back after his relationships, even if he ignored me for months. Honestly I was just as messed up as he was. I wandered up the third floor in the library. It was one of the most beautiful places on campus, a great place to think. I settled on one of the window seats and watched the trees outside the window, and finally the tears began to fall. 

**

I sat in the library for hours, waiting to calm down enough to face Peter again, but each time when I would think about seeing his face, all of what he had said came rushing back to me. He couldn't have been saying it all in anger. The most hurtful were things that had been stewing, things that I had done in the past. How had I not noticed before? 

Finally exhausted, long after the sun has set, I made myself go back to the loft. 

Peter was there, sitting on the couch with a pint of ice cream. He didn't look up when I entered. The silver object still rested by my computer. I ignored it and headed toward my bed.

"Jax?" Peter finally looked up. "I don't want us to fight." I shrugged. Peter was good at forgiving and forgetting, I took a bit longer. "Jackson. Don't be a dick." Peter dropped his spoon and walked toward me. He stopped just in front of me, and I was reminded that he did have an inch and a half on me. It usually wasn't a big difference, but from this close- it did.

"I'm not, I just want some time to think." It was true, except I had spent the day thinking and it hadn't helped me at all. 

"I'm sorry, I should have known you wouldn't want a threesome. It was rude of Marc to ask. Can we be over this now?" Peter flashed one of his award winning smiles. A lesser man would have been appeased.

"Peter, it isn't just that." I took a step back. It was uncomfortable to be so close to anyone, even Peter.

"I know I've been a dick too, but come on. You shouldn't be so surprised." I frowned, surprised? That Marc though I was pretty enough to fuck? That Peter thought of threesomes and common?

"I don't know what you mean." I was really ready to be left alone. It was impossible to express to Peter that his way of life wasn't quite as normal as he seemed to think, that his actions would come back to haunt him. That had remained the same for all the years I had known him. He never learned from his mistakes. 

"I think you are gorgeous." Peter leaned closer to me, I turned my head. I couldn't do this, now or ever. "Please? I've loved you for years. No one can replace you. When you left I didn't know what I would do if you didn't come back." Peter's eyes were open and clear of deceit and malice, as they always where. But just because he didn't mean to cause harm didn't mean he wouldn't. 

"Peter I-" I didn't know what to say. 

"I am always sad after a breakup, but I always know that you will be there to make it better. I think I am a bit relieved when it ends, because I know I'll have your full attention, for as long as it takes for me to feel better. I know I shouldn't be so selfish. I know I should listen to you more, but each time I meet someone, I wish they were you. I wish I could have waited for you. But when I realized how much I loved you, that the difference between what I felt for you and all the others was love not friendship, it was already too late. I don't even know what you like, you never date. I would always imagine when you left parties early, alone, that it was because you couldn't bear to be with anyone other than me. That it wasn't because you hated the music, or the party was in a gross basement, or that some drunk person was all over you threatening to puke. I couldn't bear for you to reject me. But more so I didn't want to loose your friendship." Peter was so close to me. I could feel his breath against my face. He smelled like chocolate and caramel.

"Were you eating my ice cream?" My mind was so behind, I though through all the years, breakups. How many times I had wondered what was wrong with me that others didn't like me, but Peter the most perfect of them all did? 

There were tears forming in Peter's eyes, he was so close. 

"That's all you can say?" He sniffed and pulled away from me. "I'm so sorry. I knew I would ruin this somehow. I can leave if you want the loft. I paid through the rest-" I didn't know what I was doing, but I couldn't live without my best, only friend. It had been a crazy week of ups and downs and I couldn't take one more down, it would break me. 

Before I could think I leaned forward and kissed him. I didn't know what I was doing, but I couldn't let him leave, I didn't have the words yet. I felt Peter's soft gasp against my lips. I began to pull back, but he wasn't having any of that. I felt the wall against my back, the coolness of the smooth paint a contrast to Peter's warm body and velvet tongue brushing against my lips. What had I started?

I wrapped my hands around Peter's chest for security, and he hugged me tighter to him. My head was forced against the wall, and somehow it felt amazing. I felt one of his hands sneaking under my t shirt, and the tickling sensation made me gasp. How could such a simple touch feel so good. I gasped into his mouth and arched my back. The nervousness I imagined feeling in my first kiss was absent, and everything was about what felt good. 

Peter's kisses stole my breath, and he had my shirt off and on the floor before I could process what was happening. As I was going to protest he pressed back against me and the wall against my back and his soft shirt against my chest stole the protests from my lips. My own hands tunneled under his shirt, his skin was so smooth, he felt like sunshine. I moaned into his mouth and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue past my lips. I felt his smile and I gripped him tighter. I never knew how much feeling a mouth could experience. Peter ground his hips against mine and liquid heat shot up my spine. I was harder than I had ever been before. I couldn't imagine being more turned on, then Peter ran one of his hands up the leg of my pants to rest just below my pubic bone, I shuddered, it was so, so close to where I wanted to be touched. Each movement of his hand brought me closer to the edge. I had never cum with another person, I had never gotten close, The intensity frightened me, but I couldn't bring myself to step away. 

Peter kissed his way down my neck and I arched under his touch, hitting my head against the wall, my knees were shaking, only the pressure of Peter's body kept me upright. As he traveled down my neck he slowed, licking , and nibbling, and kissing down my chest. When he blew on one of my nipples a drop of precum dripped into my underwear. I couldn't imagine lasting much longer without orgasm, and Peter seemed to sense this. 

"Come on, I can't hold you up forever!" Peter slip his hand from between my legs and nudged me toward my bed. His blond hair was tousled, his eyes bright. I licked my lips and he moaned. "I knew you'd melt eventually." 




Picking Up the Pieces



Each step hurt I was so painfully hard. The bed looked so far away. I pulled Peter down to the floor with me and began fighting with his pants. He quickly stripped me out of mine, then finished undressing himself, I was whimpering and dripping and hindering him more than helping. He laughed at my eagerness then pushed me onto my back.

"Knees up." I obeyed without thinking. First he blew on the tip of my erection and the sensation was more than I could bear. I tried to push away from him, but he pinned my hips and licked me root to tip. My muscles froze and my heart stopped. I tried to scream but didn't have the breath. With another laugh Peter took me into his mouth and began to suck. I gripped his hair as tightly as I was able and tried to push in as deeply as I could. Each giggle or moan from Peter's mouth turned my spine into a tuning fork. I felt an explosion was imminent, but right before it truly became too much Peter pulled away. 

"No, please, so close!" I whined and twisted, trying to force his head back. Peter merely smiled and pushed my legs closer to my chest and disappeared behind them. I held my breath waiting for what he would do, and when his tongue touched my most private place I couldn't hold back any longer. Streams and streams of white decorated my chest, and long after they stopped my orgasm continued. I Lights spun behind my eyes as I felt Peter's velvet tongue cleaning my stomach and chest. His hand petted my sweat soaked hair from my face. I opened my eyes to him smiling at me.

"Intense?" He asked, I could only nod.

After a few moments of basking in Peter's borrowed glow, I began to itch, my mind turned back on. How could I have crossed that boundary, when you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone you both have. Peter had done so many things with so many people, how would I be different? How could I deal with knowing I was probably in the triple digits just from touching him?

"Peter?" I asked. He propped himself up on an elbow to look down on me. "What are we doing?" 

"I'm loving you." He smiled, "what do you think? I want you to feel better than you ever have. Did I succeed." He looked so happy.

"Love isn't just sex you know." He nodded. I rubbed my nails up and down my arms, trying not to think. The skin began to redden. I didn't stop.

"I know, it's just a way to show it. And it's fun." I sat up to look at him easier. 

"Peter." He seemed to suddenly understand.

"You can't leave after that. You have to stay, at least think about it, I can be better, I would be faithful to you, I love you more than anything." He gripped my hands. I pulled it away gently. And went back to scratching. I had to distract myself. It had been so long since I had an attack. I had forgotten how to stop one. 

"What about Marc?" Peter's brow clenched.

"I didn't think about that, but he will be okay." Peter sat up too. "All that matters is that you are here with me now. I want to teach you everything, let you feel everything." Everything he had done with others. I felt dirtier, thinking of all the places his mouth had been, how many germs there could be. I shivered for a completely different reason.

"I need a minute." I went into the bathroom and set up a shower. I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste, and began to brush. I shouldn't have started, now I couldn't stop.

**

"Jax? Jax, you've been in there for 20 minutes, isn't the water getting cold." It was, but I wasn't clean yet. The toothbrush was still in my mouth and I was working on the 7th round of body wash, I still didn't feel completely clean. I rinsed my mouth out with the lukewarm shower water and spit pink blood tinted foam down the drain. My gum's may have been bleeding, but my teeth still weren't clean.

"Almost done." Just a few more rinses. 

The doorknob turned, the shower door was glass and there Peter was, dressed only in a pair of tight dark blue briefs. I could see he was still hard. I grabbed the soap, time for another rinse. "Jackson, stop." He took a step toward me.

"Stop!" the toothbrush almost dropped out of my mouth, I held the sponge up like a shield. I was glad the shower doors were still steamy, I didn't want him to see me naked. 

"Jackson, your panicking. You just need to stop." I shook my head frantically. I wasn't panicking, I just couldn't get clean. 

I screamed when Peter opened the shower door and turned off the water, a bit of bloody saliva dripped to the soapy shower floor.

Peter held out a clean white towel, I couldn't help picturing all the things it may have wiped up. I imagined germs hiding in the soft white weave, little sperm cells just waiting to dirty my skin. I choked on a sob.

"It's not clean." I fumbled for the water to turn it back on. 

Peter left the tiny bathroom and I sobbed harder, icy water fell on me, and I upturned the nearly empty body was container over the sponge and began washing again.

The skin under my fingernails was turning purplish when Peter returned, with him was a medic from student services. My heart began to pound. My mom often threatened to send me to treatment, but she would never do it, the school might. My throat threatened to close. 

"I'm not crazy." Great way to start, that was what the crazy people said, "It's just not clean, and the towel is dirty and-" The medic pulled a clean towel from a plastic wrapping and held it out to me. 

"No one thinks you are crazy sweetie," she said. "We just don't want you getting too cold in the shower." I took the towel from her hands, happy to see the gloves covering her hands. "That's it, time to get you tucked in." 

**

Ten minutes later I was tucked into bed, with clean sheets, with a hot cup of tea and two Xanax. I was still shivering, and still didn't feel quite clean, but much better than before. Once she was certain I wasn't going to do anything stupid, and making Peter promise to watch me, the medic left. 

"You should see your psychiatrist to talk about this." She had told me before leaving. "The school can't do anything unless you ask for help, but you should talk to someone." I had nodded, relieved that this wasn't going on some record. 

"I made her promise." Peter whispered after she shut the door. "That nothing would happen to you. I know you don't want anyone to know." I nodded and held my cup tighter. I tried to not think of all the germs on Peter's skin, but I couldn't help it.

"Maybe you should shower?" I whispered, not wanting to offend. With a shake of his head, Peter went to take his very first cold shower.

**

"I didn't think this would happen, I didn't think." Peter was wrapped in a bathrobe with a towel on his head. He perched on the very edge of my bed. "I just wanted you to feel what I do." 

I nodded, it had been years since I had had an attack. Peter had talked me out of a few.

"I know, I didn't think either." I tried not to think about attacks at all, if I though about it too long I began to think of the germs, so thinking about them was almost a sure way to have one. 

"Maybe we could try in the shower." Peter smiled trying to make his words into a joke, but I knew he was at least partly serious, I hadn't reciprocated, and Peter was notoriously bad at self restraint- he was probably hurting by now. 

"How do you know this is even a good idea? I mean, I don't think I'll ever be able to-' I gestured vaguely toward his crotch, "and you-"

"We can work it out, plus there are lots of really clean things we could do." I didn't want to think about it anymore. Or all the "clean" thing Peter had probably tried. I was getting unbearably sleepy, and I had to brush my teeth after the sugary tea. I slipped off the bed, tiptoeing to avoid touching too much of the ground.

Peter trailed me to the bathroom. I imagined him as a golden retriever puppy and laughed, it was perfect. So sweet, so loyal, so eager to please and yet so misguided.

"Peter I am trying to tell you, I can't do this right now. I have to think. Not for five minutes, not for a night. I really don't know if I can do this with anyone, never mind my best, only, friend."

"Oh" Peter whispered and retreated from the bathroom. "I think I understand."



Picking Up the Pieces



"Like what for instance? To me, you seem to have it all together."

"Thank you. The truth is...I'm scared. I'm scared for the future of my kids if I ever got sick and couldn't provide for them. I have and older brother and a younger sister, but I don't expect them to drop everything to come help me...they live on the west coast and have families of their own...so it's just my mom and she hasn't been in good health lately."

Suddenly, I found myself dumping on Larry and I had to wonder if he thought I was here to bag me a father for my kids. Out of desperation to change the subject, I said with a smile,

"Hmmm, a swim would be just the thing now."

Larry was probably hoping for a break in my whining and suggested,

"There's a secluded cove where I go swimming...not far from here...no one to see us swimming." I nodded and soon Larry was rowing us to his secluded cove. Once we got there, Larry dropped the anchor and said,

"My cottage is up that way...not far from here. The road veers away a hundred feet past my cottage, but it doesn't go all around the lake because of the wet lands at this end. Most of the other cottages are along the road, but there are no cottages down this way and if you're looking for a secluded spot...this is it." 

I nodded and pulled off my T-shirt up over my head and noticed Larry smiling. By nature, I a very conservative gal, but yet a part of me desires to let my hair down and enjoy the moment and the moment was here...now. My shear lace bra barely held my boobs as they bobbled and jiggled while I struggled to slip off my kaki shorts. Larry was ear to ear smiles and so was I when he removed his T-shirt and shorts. It was then that I couldn't help notice the huge bulge in his jockey shorts. He was very endowed I imagined, but soon when he was wet...I would really know for sure. Larry swung his legs over the side of the boat and then he silently slid into the water. He worked his way to where I was seated and said,

"The water is perfect for swimming...almost like a heated pool, but that's why the fish weren't biting...they like cold water."

Larry did a back stroke away from the boat and I undid my bra and slid off my panties and swung my legs over the back of the row boat and eased myself into the delightfully warm water. I couldn't believe that I was naked...so unlike myself. I wasn't a hussy or a morally loose woman, but here I was swimming towards a man and I was totally naked. In fact, the last man to see me naked was my ex and that was over three years ago. Larry smiled when I came up beside him and said as I treaded water,

"Well, the least you can do is take off your jockeys...only to be fair."

Larry pushed down his shorts and then threw them into the boat...now we were both naked and admiring one another. Larry pulled me to him and kissed me with growing passion...I kissed him back. As we kissed, I could feel his growing cock pushing against my flabby belly...but it felt wonderful. I haven't felt anything so erotic in a very long time. Not even my ex at the height of passionate sex sent me higher than I was feeling now...at this very moment. Larry's hands soon found my lopsided breasts...fondling me like I have never been fondled before. It was then that I realized that tonight, I might not be sleeping alone, but in his bed and the possibility of making love to this man sent me even higher. As we explored each other, I found that my feet were touching bottom. I smiled and mentioned,

"It's not very deep here?"

"No...just a few feet...why?" I whispered into his ear what I was thinking,

"Maybe we can finish this on the shore? Swimming is fine for fish, but we aren't fish." 

Larry winked his agreement and said,

"I have a thick army blanket in the boat...be right back."

Larry left me and went to get the boat. I swam until I was in waist deep water then waded the rest of the way to the secluded beach and looked around and seeing no one...I waited for Larry. It felt odd to be standing out in the open totally naked, but in my frame of mind...I didn't care. I wanted to get laid and made love too in the worst way. I must mention that this wasn't in my game plan, but plans do change when we least expect them to. Larry pulled the row boat on shore, then grabbed the army blanket and spread it on the gravel and sand beach near some drift wood. There was no way for someone to see us...to see what perverted sensuous activity we will be involved...not that the enjoyment of sex was perverted. Larry embraced me again and we kissed...my growing passion filling every part of my naked body. Larry's cock was now erect and shoving between my crotch...rubbing against my pussy mound. 

I broke the passionate embrace and knelt down to worship the ample manhood that confronted me. Larry just stood there, while I pleasured him with sucking and licking...then finally deep throating this magnificent love beast. The tip of his engorged cock banging the back of my throat and I gagged for air...but I didn't stop. Again and again I sucked on his cock...pre cum dripping into my satisfied mouth. I looked up to see Larry had closed his eyes...enjoying the oral sex I was pleasuring him with. I slowly withdrew my mouth and got down on the army blanket and spread wide for him and then he laid down at my pussy and started sucking my clit. Oh my Gawd...I couldn't believe this was happening to me, but yet it was. The reality was even better than my sick perverted fantasies that I secretly had since my untimely divorce from Tom. Larry was way better than Tom ever was because now there was a comparison. Before, I had no one to compare my ex too, but now...oh my Gawd...Larry is a better lover. Larry pleasured my cunt for almost half and hour...far longer that I pleasured his cock. Between my moans and groans, I said simply and too the point,

"Please...fuck me."

Larry flashed me a smile and lifted my ass a bit and mounted me. His engorged cock sliding up and down my neglected pussy, but waiting for the right moment to drive into me. He was teasing me but I loved it. Tom never did that...he just drove straight into me without much fanfare. Larry reached under himself, took his cock, put the cock head to my pussy opening...then reared back his hips...drove forwards. Suddenly I felt his ten inch cock inside me. I tried to pull away because it felt uncomfortable at first, but he held me down and continued to ream my pussy. To feel a warm hard cock driving deep inside yourself is hard to describe, but thank God for passion because the brain will try to analyze every feeling. He pushed and pulled his cock in a rhythmic cadence which soon had me calling out his name and begging him not to stop. I must have climaxed several times, but Larry was still going strong and to be honest, I had to wonder if he'll cum at all? However, I'm not on birth control and he's not using a condom so I really don't want another child if he does erupt in me. Suddenly Larry stopped and pulled out, then turning me on my stomach...what? Then I felt his cock in my anal canal and realized he was getting ready to butt fuck me. Never in my life was I ever butt fucked...I said,

"Larry, I can't do this. You're too big for my asshole."

Larry showed me a jar of Vaseline that he had in his tackle box and said,

"Relax...let me do the driving." 

Larry greased up his cock and then pulled me to my knees...my butt high in the air while my chest was on the blanket. Well, this was a first in my book. At first, Larry eased into my anus with just the tip of his cock. I let out a moan because it felt like I was taking a shit, but it hurt. Then he pushed in a little further...I moaned again...more pain. Larry leaned over to kiss the back of my neck, letting me get used to his cock that was buried about three inches inside my ass. Then he pushed a little more and the pain I was feeling suddenly disappeared. Soon, Larry was up to his hairy balls deep into my never fucked asshole. I swooned because this was a totally new experience for me. Larry asked how I was doing and I told him that I was fine and not to stop. Larry obliged and soon was pushing and pulling his ten inch cock in and out of my ass. 

To be totally honest, I didn't think butt fucking could trigger my orgasms because there are no sensory nerves in the anal canal like there are in a vagina. Boy...was I wrong. Soon multiple orgasms hit me like a Mack truck. Soon, I was begging Larry not to stop. Soon, Larry erupted, sending his warm cum deep inside my ass to the point of it oozing from my cock plugged asshole. After Larry's cock deflated, he slipped out and rolled me on my back and held me...embracing gently me for time. We didn't talk much, but we both knew this was going to be a wild weekend of love making. After we dressed, we got back in the row boat and rowed back to his cottage. That night we made love in is bed and further explored the joys of unbridled lust and passion.

Sunday afternoon after making love for most of the morning, I drove home to my not so spectacular life of loving mom and real estate agent. The down side to my wild weekend with Larry was that he and I never became an item. It seems, my ex was cheating behind Karen's back and they split. She went back to Larry with some sob story and wanted to get back with him. He took her back...hook, line and sinker...the gullible stinker, but at least Tom hasn't come crawling back to me for a second chance. Not long after our passion filled weekend, Larry and Karen moved up to the Scranton area to begin a new life and me...well, I was left holding the bag...again. I realize now that I could love and be loved in return, but can I ever trust another man again? Only time will tell I guess?

-----

Around mid July...a month later, I was in my small cubical doing my paperwork because it was an in office day for me. I had no scheduled meeting or houses to show. During the week I shown twelve homes to five clients...got a firm maybe on two, but that's okay. I usually find that people like to think about it a while, but they always come back with an offer to buy. A month has passed since my wild weekend with Larry and he was becoming a distant mixed emotion memory. In that I mean the sex was great, but the aftermath was a bit of a disappointment. I really thought we clicked and might have continued seeing one another, but that was just wishful thinking on my part. You know those late night infomercials selling everything from exercise gadgets, weight loss pills and get rich schemes, but give the usual disclaimer...your results may vary? Well...my results never are never good...when it comes to relationships. 

It was mid afternoon and I needed a coffee fix. The office break room was located way on the other side of the office from my cubical. I didn't mind the walk because it gave me a chance to chat with my gal friends along the way. However, my boss, Mr. Collins, was making his rounds and I had no recourse but to head straight for the break room. As I got to the break room, Mr. Collins asked,

"Angela...hi, did you get a chance to type up that counter offer for the Reynolds property?" I nodded and gave a big smile and said,

"Just finished it...should I bring it to your office?"

"No, no hurry. I'll pick it up on my way back to my office...thanks anyway." I nodded again and he left. I went into the break room and sighed to myself...

"Stupid, stupid woman. The office hunk talks to you and all you can say is...office drivel." I poured a mug of coffee and leaned against the counter and thought,

"But...what else could I do...this is work, my job and livelihood. This wasn't some rendezvous for drinks after work. Besides, who lusts after an average looking thirty-seven year old divorced woman with three kids at home...no one, that's who?"

I sighed again and went back to my cubical...still thinking about Tom Collins. Tom Collins is our department manager and is only answerable to fifty-five year old Pamela Rossi, the owner of Lewith and Freeman Real Estate. He's thirty-five, single and available, but in my fantasies, he's always available to me. He has the physic of an athlete, the rugged good looks of a movie star and a personality to match. When I sat down at my computer, I noticed that the Reynolds offer I had typed was gone...he had been here. Just the fact that he visited my little non-descript cubical was exciting, but during a normal business day, he visited many such cubicles. The single attractive girls probably got visited more often I imagined. I must have been light years away when...

"Angela...it's Friday and you know what that means. A few of us are going over to O'Flynn's after work...you in?" I instantly nodded and asked with a broad smile,

"Okay, but no staying 'til eleven like last time. My mom almost had kittens when I got home so late." Carol, my best friend and fellow teammate on the West Side Comets, smiled and gave me a devilish wink and said,

"Oh sure Angela...no problem."

I wasn't so sure. When we get together...all hell breaks loose. Age wise, I was the youngest in our small band of office sisters. There was Carol of course, a thirty-nine year old divorcee and savvy man hunter...there was Cindy, a forty-two year old married lady, but from the way she acted, you would never know it. She never mentions her husband or talks about her marriage when we have a girl's night out. Last in my gal pal office group is Wanda...a forty year-old beauty who happens to be bi sexual. However, bi or straight, our little group always has fun. 

The magical hour of 5pm soon arrived and the four of us left the office and headed down to O'Flynn's two blocks away. O'Flynn's pub was the unofficial watering hole on the west side for mostly young thirty something professionals like us. Um...you'll find doctors, lawyers, business people...just about any profession I guess at O'Flynn's. When we arrived, Pat O'Neil, the bar's owner greeted us,

"Welcome ladies...your usual booth is empty."

We greeted Pat with a smile and went to our booth. Our booth was in the corner near the window, because we didn't like standing at the bar...well I didn't. Our booth was secluded, but we could see everything that took place in the bar, plus we were able to have our gal talks in relative privacy. As we drank, we often checked out the men standing at the bar...except for Wanda, she eyed the women and men too I have to add. She was Bi after all and had the advantage of utilizing both sexes where the rest of us only looked at the guys. Cindy, who was married, leaned forwards and said,

"Check out the stud in the blue pin stripped suit and red tie...isn't he sexy?" Carol took a sip of her potent Martini and nodded and agreed...adding,

"I bet the meat between his legs is something to write home about." I couldn't help but laugh and admit,

"Speaking of which...did you guys see the bulge on Tom Collins today?" Cindy cracked an ear to ear smile and added,

"You couldn't miss it. You know what I think? He wasn't wearing underwear." Carol shook her head and mentioned,

"No, no...he probably wears boxers. Boxers allow a man's pecker to move around and expand if necessary. My ex wore boxers and his crotch was always bulging." Wanda who was pretty quiet up till now, pointed out a rather buxom blond standing at the bar and revealed,

"Her tits are like so fake." I had to ask,

"How can you tell...do you know her?" Wanda giggled and admitted,

"I seen her at a club I went to the other night and she was flashing the guys there. Her boobs were too perfect to be real...besides...there were little scars under each breast."

Cindy smiled and said,

"Silicone?"

"Silicone...a lot of silicone." Wanda repeated. I shrugged my shoulders and admitted,

"Well, if I had the money and the inclination...and didn't have three kids...I would buy myself some fake boobs so at least they'll match. It's embarrassing to be so lopsided." Carol nodded and agreed,

"Me too, but not to even my boobs out. As I get older, I need all the help I can get. Naturals are great...if you have a great set already, but I don't. I would love to be a 36DD or maybe whopping 38G's...and then dance naked and shake them in some horny stud's face." I was blushing and said,

"You vixen you. Would you really dance naked for some guy?" Carol flashed a big smile and said,

"I sure would...and gladly. Hell if I had the right equipment...why not? You're only young once...Angela."

Wanda agreed and revealed,

"What chance does a flat chested forty year old woman like me have competing with buxom blond twenty year olds...none...that's what."

We knew Wanda was right, but I wasn't out looking for a man...I'm just looking at guys. No harm in looking...right? Carol however...was. Ever since her divorce two years ago, she's been on the prowl and so far, she hasn't found her Mr. Right. However, she was sexually active in her endless quest for Mr. Right, but time was catching up to her and she knew it. She was thirty nine and growing older and by the time she's in her forties...she will find that she won't be able to turn a young man's head. Cindy never talked about her marriage before...now revealed,

"My husband left me six months ago and I haven't heard from him since." I was at a lost for words, but Carol took Cindy's hand and said,

"Baby...why didn't you tell us earlier? Maybe talking about it could have helped easy your pain." Cindy cracked a smile and said,

"I wanted to...so many times, but I didn't want you guys to think I was a bad wife or something. Um, Allen was restless and I guess I just didn't see the red warning flags. I think he might have run off with his secretary...but I'm not sure because she was married too."

I didn't know what to say. I sat quietly for a moment, then mentioned,

"Don't ever blame yourself, Cindy, for something stupid a man goes off and does. A man that is restless can never be kept home. My ex was the same way, except in his case, he wanted a woman that was wealthy with no kids and tossed me aside. Even my dad cheated on my mom a few times...So I guess men are very fickle animals and I still don't understand them."

Wanda agreed and offered her views,

"You right about that. My dad was a two-timing lush. However, my mom stuck with him through hell and high water and when he died, she was never the same. She needed his weakness to help her be strong." I smiled and asked Wanda,

"Did you love your father?"

"Yes I did...ironically, for all his shortcomings. He wasn't perfect either...just like me." I nodded and patted her on the hand and agreed, 

"That's how I felt about my dad. I loved him in spite of himself."

Just then, Pat, the owner came over to our booth, carrying a tray of Martinis and put them down in front of us. Pat smiled and pointed to the bar and said,

"The two fine black gentlemen standing at the end of the bar sent these over with their complements...enjoy ladies."

We thanked Pat and then took our martinis and raised them towards our unknown benefactors. I smiled and leaned forwards and said quietly,

"Do any of you know them?" Carol looked and shook her head and admitted,

"I never saw them before...they aren't regulars." Cindy shrugged her shoulders and mentioned,

"Me neither, but they are kind of cute." Wanda rolled her eyes and mentioned,

"I don't know...this doesn't feel quite right. We all stick together...ok girls? No free agents...ok?" I nodded and had to agree,

"Yes...definitely. No telling who they might be. Besides, why us when here are so many hot-looking babes in here? What's up with that?" Carol nodded and added,

"Exactly...why us? Maybe these guys get off on lonely white women...for you know what."

"For what?" I asked innocently. Carol rolled her eyes and revealed,

"For sex...that's what. They may want to take us back to their hotel for a night of sexual pleasure." I tweaked up my eyebrows and asked




Picking Up the Pieces



"You mean they'll wine and dine a white woman only to take advantage of them...sexually?" Carol nodded and then explained as she watched the two black men out of the corner of her eye,

"Right. To them...white gals are a status symbol...like owning a big fancy car or a big expensive house. A friend of mine once got mixed up with a couple of black men and before she knew it...she was their white ho. They had her performing sexual acts with black studs for money. She almost committed suicide...she felt so ashamed because she was really a nice woman." Wanda mentioned again,

"We stick together...right, girls? No one leaves this place alone."

We finished off the complementary martinis and sat and talked for a while. It wasn't long before we took notice that the two black guys were leaving with two very young white gals and we looked at each other a bit bewildered but relieved. I shrugged and admitted while I was nursing my martini,

"To be honest guys...I'm really not into black guys. Don't get me wrong and think I'm a racist or anything because I'm not. It's just that they have this attitude problem like the world owes them something. I show a lot of house to black families and the husbands were always so cocky or just telling me that I'm showing them inferior houses. I mean really...no matter what you say or do...they are always on the defensive and telling you that when you can't come down to their price...it's because they're black. They use their race like a weapon and I really hate that." Carol nodded and said,

"Me too. Especially the unmarried ones that I show houses too. They automatically assume that I'm screwing them over, when I'm not. They just don't understand that we don't set the selling price...the people who are selling the house sets the price." Cindy shook her head and said,

"I dated a few black men before I was married and they treated me like a queen, so I guess it all depends on the person your with." We looked at Cindy a bit wide eyed and Carol said,

"That's true. Anyway...did anyone have sex lately?" We looked at one another and no one said anything for a while...when suddenly I said,

"Um...I did...a month ago, but nothing since." Carol nodded and said,

"Well...what happened?" I bit my lip and shrugged and said,

"I met this divorced guy at the fitness club and well...he invited me up to his cottage to go fishing for the weekend and...and we spent the weekend making love instead." 

Carol was ear to ear smiles and said,

"You...you had sex?" I nodded and said,

"Yes I had sex. Why does that surprise you?" Carol shrugged and said,

"I don't know...it just does. Angela...you are the most conservative woman I know and for you to spend a weekend with a man is amazing. Um, I'm happy for you, but still it surprises me. So...after your weekend...um...are you still seeing him?" I shook my head and explained,

"No...he went back to his ex and they moved to Scranton. I guess to remarry...I'm really not sure. He never even called me to explain...just left me flat. Oh well...live and learn...right guys?" Cindy nodded and said,

"Men are pigs...you just can't trust them."

We all agreed and I looked at the time and said,

"Well girls, it's almost seven...I have to go. I promised my mom and kids that I would be home early."

My gal pal group agreed to leave and soon we were walking back to the company parking lot. We said our goodnights and wished each other a great weekend and left. Each of us driving off in different directions towards our homes. When I got home, the smell of pizza filled the air and I couldn't have been happier. Mom smiled and said,

"Hello honey...dig in...the pizza just arrived a few minutes ago."

"Ok...just give me a few moments to change. These heels are killing me."

I went up and changed into my grubbies...sweat pants and a pink tee shirt. Now I was comfortable. Down at the kitchen counter, mom, me and my three kids sat...we talked and ate...laughed and drank iced tea...boy, it was good to be home.

-----

A month later in mid August...I was parked in the very last row in the Wal-Mart parking lot. My silver gray caravan parked front first into the last stall and I made sure the stall next to me was empty. I was waiting patiently for my late afternoon rendezvous in the form of Ron Baxter, a 6'2" thirty eight year old blonde God that was unexpectedly dropped into my life one day. While I sat waiting, I couldn't help by think back to a time when Ron wasn't a part of my late afternoon rendezvous. 

Just two weeks ago, my life as mother and career woman suddenly changed when Ron and I started to meet for innocent lunches and then drive him around to look at houses. Everyday...I would meet him somewhere and then we would go look at houses and I had a lot of houses to show him. However, he didn't like what I was showing him. Either the house was too small or it was too large. If it didn't have a pool, he didn't like it or if it had a pool he didn't like its shape. It was always something and to be honest...I was getting rather irritated because I was spending too much time on his impossible quest. I have other clients to think of and help out. One day, Pamela Rossi...my boss called me into her office and said,

"I see you have Ron Baxter penciled on the schedule...again? Um...are you making any headway with him?"

I told her about the houses I showed him and said,

"I showed him sixteen houses in his price range and three a little over his price range and five that were well under...but he didn't like any of them. To be honest Pam...I think I'm just wasting my time and the company's time. Um...could you possibly palm him off on someone else so I can do what I'm supposed to do...sell houses?" Pam agreed, but said,

"Angela...I know he's a hard nut to crack...we had him a few years ago and he was a very difficult client, but if anyone can do this...you can. Um...tell you what...I'll give you another week, but if he's still unwilling to make a commitment...I'll cancel his agreement with us." I nodded and left her office...at least I won't have to put up with Ron Baxter much longer.

However, during that last week Ron and I soon began seeing each other for diners after work...pushing our innocent agent/client relationship to that of affair status. But little by little, I started to see a possessive and arrogant side of him I did not like. I guess, this being my first affair, I overlooked many of Ron's behavioral short comings. Then again...I'm not married...so technically he's having the affair because he's married. So I decided that I was going to put an end to our budding affair and house hunting farce before it goes any further. I looked at the time and sighed,

"Ron's never this late...I wonder where he got to?"

Ron Baxter is a corporate lawyer, but he was also married and like me, he was looking for love in all the wrong places. His wife Doris was a shrew and from what Ron said about her and she sounded like someone I wouldn't want to be married to either. I sighed again when off at the other end of the parking lot, I saw Ron's new metallic blue Mercedes come into view. I sighed when he got closer and sighed even more when he pulled up next to me...my side across from his passenger side. I got in the his car and said,

"Well hello...late as usual I see."

"Hi...I'm not that late. I had to run a few errands."

I reluctantly leaned over and gave him a kiss. Ron smiled and said,

"Mmmmm...that was worth being a few minutes late...wasn't it?" I rolled my eyes and lied,

"You might have got more if you were on time." Ron tweaked his eyebrows and said,

"Oh really?" I continued to lie and said,

"Yeah...a lot more." I looked at him and he looked at me and we both sighed and he changed the subject and said,

"I see. Sooooo, where do you want to go tonight? We can catch an early movie or go have a quiet diner somewhere if you like? I have a couple of hours to myself...told the wife I was meeting a client for a few beers and some legal advice."

"And she believed you? Wow...what's wrong with her?"

"Nothing. She's a very trusting woman."

"Really? She just lets you go where ever you want...doesn't even question you?"

"No, why should she? I never gave her reason to doubt me."

In my mind, I was wondering why his wife behaved this way. Maybe she was so needy or grateful to be married to a gorgeous man like him...that she overlooked many of his improprieties. If I were her, I would be screaming bloody murder. I rolled my eyes in disbelief and asked,

"You never had an affair before?"

"Well...sort of. I had an after office hour fling with my secretary a few times, but she blew me off after a couple dates."

"To be honest Ron, I never done anything like this before."

"I find that hard to believe...a beautiful woman like you?" 

"Yes...never. Besides, what do my looks have to do with whether you had an affair or not? If I was unattractive...would you have gone out with me?" I sensed Ron was painting himself into a corner when he admitted,

"If you were unattractive...I wouldn't have wasted my time on you. Can you honestly see me with an ugly broad...I don't think so."

"I see...then your wife is unattractive?

"Oh no...she's a living doll. A real sweetheart." 

Deep down I was feeling like shit...the same terrible feeling I had when my ex was cheating on me and I bet my last dollar, his wife would feel what I was feeling if she ever finds out that her husband has been unfaithful to her. I just couldn't do this to her even though I don't know her. I nodded and said,

"Then why in the hell are you cheating on her? You should be ashamed of yourself, Ron."

"Jesus Christ...what brought this on?"

"Just being honest with myself again. So you might as well take me back to my car...please."

"You're dumping me...me?" I nodded and said,

"We need some time apart." He nodded and said,

"I'm hearing yes. You are dumping me."

"Yes...yes I'm dumping you. I just can't do this anymore...okay."

"You fuckin bitch. Who in the hell are you? You're just a nobody who wasted my time." I shook my head and said,

"Ron...please...just take me back to my car." Ron was pretty angry and suddenly...he punches me in the mouth very hard and I saw stars for a moment and he was ready to punch me again and I got a really angry and said heatedly,

"Hit me again and I'll scream rape and have you arrested...asshole." Ron pulled back his fist and I said again,

"Take me back to my car...now or so help me I'll jump out of this car and flag down the first cop I see and have you arrested." 

I nursed my bleeding lip because he really hit me hard and it hurt, but I could feel the rage in the man as he drove me back to my car. I had to wonder if he treated his wife this way and I had to assume he did. Maybe she was an abused wife and fearful of him and just let him do whatever he wants to avoid a confrontation? Suddenly I felt sorry for her.

It was very quiet when he dropped me off and quieter after he sped away. He didn't even say goodbye...so immature I thought. I drove the ten miles home thinking that I did the right thing tonight. By dumping Ron, I cut off all chances for love and intimacy that I craved and didn't get, but yet I felt relived that I won't have to see that asshole again. However, Ron and I never became intimate when we kept our rendezvous other than kissing and some heavy petting. So, I ended up with nothing but a bleeding lip. I pulled into our garage and was glad to be home. My kids were still up and playing their video games when I walked into the family room. I smiled and said,

"Where's Gram?" Sarah, my middle kid said,

"She's in the study...studying."

"Thank you. See, even Grams have to study."

I went to our study and rapped on the door lightly and walked in. Mom looked up over her glasses and said with a smile,

"Back so soon? I thought your gal night out would go till midnight?"

"I had a headache and decided to come home early."

"Well, I'm glad you're home...anyway. I have a plate of left overs in the fridge if your hungry." 

"Thanks mom...um I'm going to take a shower first...but I'll be back soon so we can talk." 

I made up my mind that I was going to tell mom that for the past two weeks, I was having an affair with a married man and I really needed someone to confide in, but I was counting on the fact that my mom is a reasonably woman and won't judge me too harshly because she was through this with my father. As much as I loved my father, he cheated on mom twice and she forgave him twice, but I'll never forget the pain she went through. It was a chance I was willing to take because I had to get this off my chest because I felt so guilty about being the other woman and it was something I wouldn't have done if I just used my common sense. You would think that since I was cheated on by my ex husband...I should have known better, but thank goodness I came to my senses in time. Then and there I made up my mind...no more married men...period.

After my shower, I put on my pajamas and threw on a comfortable robe and I was ready to confess my brief affair with a married man even though my feelings of guilt made me abruptly end it. Mom, a plump sixty-two year old English teacher was busy working on her lesson plan for the upcoming school year when I tapped on the door and walked in and sat down. I smiled and said,

"Mom...can you spare a minute?"

"What's on you mind honey?"

"Um, I really don't know how to tell you this..." Mom smiled and said,

"Just tell me...get it off your chest in one breath." I nodded and said in one breath,

"For the past two weeks, I was having an affair with a married man...after work."

Suddenly there was silence. Mom just stared at her monitor and didn't say a word to me. Oh how I wish she would do the motherly thing and yell at me...scream at me...call me a tramp...anything but this silence. Just then she said,

"Really...um, do I know him?"

"No...you never met him, but you probably seen him on the news. He's a big shot lawyer. Um, I'm sorry mom, but all I wanted was intimacy and I guess I wasn't thinking."

"I see. Did so and so...give it to you...the intimacy you were looking for?"

"No, we never slept together if that's what you want to know. We just went out to restaurants and movies...but talked mostly. Um...I ended it tonight...that's why I'm so late. Mom...I just couldn't continue it...I felt so dirty and guilty."

Mom got up and put her hands on my shoulders and squeezed them gently. I put my hand on her's and said,

"Soooo...what do you think? Am I a bad person?"

"Well, I would be lying if I told you I didn't care...but I do. Honey...you are not a bad person, because I know you for the kind gentle woman you are. Affairs hurt so many others other than those involved. Tell you what, let's never speak of this again and promise me you'll be more careful next time. There's someone out there for you...I know it, but you just haven't met him yet." I smiled up at mom and said,

"Thanks mom...thanks for listening because I really had to get this off my chest. Suddenly I'm hungry."

I went out to the kitchen and nuked the left overs and enjoyed my feast of Lasagna, warm garlic bread and iced tea. Later I joined the kids and played video games, but thought to myself,

"Maybe this is the way my life is supposed to be...being content with my life and a family I adore and not afraid to express my love to those I know love me." 

The next morning I was up early and let mom and the kids sleep late because we were up pretty late. After the kids were in bed, mom and I talked about my brief affair and she filled me in on my father's improprieties outside marriage and her own. She admitted to having an affair with a man and from what she told me...it was very heated. To be honest...I was shocked, but then I realized that she wasn't as naïve about it as I was. She told me that those things do happen and we shouldn't be quick to judge because there's always a reason for having an affair. To say that I respect my mom for honesty now more than ever would be an under statement. 

Since it was Saturday, I would do my grocery shopping. I didn't like to go earlier in the week after work because the stores were always busy and I was tired. I had my list and headed to Wal-Mart near the mall in Wilkes Barre because it was a superstore and I could get all my shopping done in one place and maybe go to Sam's club down the road where I could buy the bulk food items that Wal-Mart didn't have. A couple stores down from Wal-Mart is an AC Moore where I get all my scrap booking supplies...yeah, I'm a die hard scrap booker I have to admit. I just love it. 

It's about ten miles to same Wal-Mart where Ron and I would rendezvous for our afternoon tryst and I had a lot of time to think...especially about last night and our abrupt breakup. I was glad that he was out of my life for good and believe me...I'm not going to make that mistake again. I parked as close to the store as possible...about midway down the lane and went in to the store. Shopping often was so automatic that I did it without thinking. This time was no exception. About an hour later, I was loading up my Caravan with my purchases and I was pleased to get everything that was on my list and then some. The various little impulse items seemed to run in favor of my kids...in the form of candy and snacks, but I didn't mind...they were good kids. However, they were low in sugar and Joey could have all the candy he wanted within reason of course. 

On my way home, I had to think about Ron and his overly trusting wife...Doris. She had to be so naïve as to put up with his shit. That's what pissed me off most...the way Ron just minimalized her existence. I could have been her...kissing his silly ass because he was so good looking. Too bad his personality didn't match his looks. I'm glad we never went further than we did...just riding around and talking, but I can only imagine what Ron must be like in bed. Being a blonde Adonis, he must have physical attributes that women would adore. What we see on the outside...is it just as delightful...where the sun doesn't shine? 

I pulled into the garage and parked next to mom's Lexus and looked at all the stuff I bought and immediately sighed, but at the same time relieved that I won't have to go shopping again for two weeks. I carried the groceries into the kitchen and after six trips back and forth...I was done. I wished there was an easier way to do this, but there wasn't. I looked at the time and smiled,

"Great...it's only nine thirty. I can still make it down to the gym and get in a few hours of aerobics before lunch." 

I put away all the groceries...restocking my pantry, the fridge and freezer and went up to change into my black spandex exercise shorts and neon pink sports halter top and make myself presentable. I had to smile because I looked damn good in my exercise garb. I have that perky suburban soccer mom look...but being blonde and slender seems to draw most men's attention. Being an active woman in my late thirties...I'm always trying to stay young and I found that youth starts in the brain. If you think you're young...you'll be young. 

I arrived at Body Sculptors and made my way across the crowded exercise floor, straight to the aerobics room in the annex. I have been doing aerobics for more than a month now...after I graduated from the exercise machines when I lost most of my excess weight. Now I'm doing aerobics to build up my stamina and tone up my body...and my self confidence. It's been only two months since I joined the club and have friends. Um...I do have work friends that I have known for several years, but now I have workout buddies who are like me...just trying to better ourselves for whatever reasons we have. I waved to my "new" gal pals and said, 




Picking Up the Pieces



"Hi guys...long time no see."

Connie Graham, Karen Hatch, and Janet Mason smiled as they acknowledged my long overdue presence when Janet said,

"Well hello stranger...we haven't seen you in three weeks...we thought you died or something?"

I just rolled my eyes and admitted,

"No, I'm not dead. Well not yet anyway, but, you know how it is. I was pretty busy with work, the kids and doing some much needed redecorating...well painting a couple rooms and doing other stuff to keep busy."

They bought my story, but I wasn't lying. I was working hard and I was spending quality time with my kids and I did paint several rooms, but I just didn't elaborate on the other stuff. I wasn't about to say anything about my brief two week affair, because I would never hear the end of it. As far as I was concerned, that was ancient history. Just then the door to the office opened and out stepped a tall, well built dark haired man...I was transfixed by his not so subtle animal magnetism. I looked over at Janet and mouthed,

"Who's that?" Janet said with an ear to ear smile,

"Our temporary instructor. Heather broke her leg pretty bad in a car crash last week and Lyle Davis was brought in as a temporary replacement. I also heard that Heather will be out for a least a month."

I nodded and watched as he unloaded his aerobics bag and got ready. Lyle Davis was a 6'4", thirties something muscular stud and compared to him, Tom my ex, Larry Johnson, and Ron Baxter were poor examples of what the male animal should look like. Lyle had broad shoulders that supported two wonderfully muscular tattooed arms and a lean, narrow waist that belied his manliness. What was most attractive was his thighs and the way his spandex exercise shorts barely fit him. That's when I noticed the considerable bulge between his legs and imagined that my gal friends probably noticed it too. They were all married and in their late thirties or early forties and naturally fantasized about men, romance and sex most of the time...like me. Men weren't the only ones to have sexually explicit opinions when it came to the opposite sex...we women could be just as raunchy and raw. I wasn't the exception...not by a long shot. Yes, I am divorced, but this goes beyond marriage or divorce. This strikes at the very heart of a woman's sexual fantasies...to experience erotic love and intimacy with a gorgeous male animal. Just then Lyle clapped his hands together to get our attention and said,

"Okay ladies...let's get started."

We smiled and took our places. I was in the back row, but that was okay with me. I would have a hard time doing my aerobics if I had to watch Lyle's body move to the beat of the music...right in front of me. We did a few warm-ups to get limbered up and that's when I felt warm all over. It wasn't the warmth of working muscles but the warmth of knowing that I was attracted to this tall, handsome man. To say he was better looking than most movie stars would be pretty much on the mark. Lyle turned up the volume on his boom box and suddenly we were sweating to metallica and hard Rock music. It was great. I felt my belly jiggle as I stepped up and down on my padded step. I looked over at Janet and was amazed at how well she was doing. She was five years older than me, but wow...she looked great. Her body was still firm after having five kids and I hoped someday that I could look as good as she does now. Suddenly, Lyle smiled at me and nodded while slapping his hands together as he increased the tempo. I was four rows from him, about thirty feet I guess, but I felt like I was on top of him. I honestly could feel his body under me as I exercised. This was all in my mind of course, but it felt good anyway. It was noon when our session ended. 

"Well, I better go fix my kid's lunch...and get some much needed housework done" I said and left. On my way home, I was thinking about Lyle. I began comparing him to Ron Baxter. I said to myself,

"God, why am I thinking about another man? I just ended an affair with an ass hole and here I am fantasizing about another man. What's wrong with me?"

When I got home, mom was dressed for golf. I greeted her with a cheek peck and then made the kid's their lunch. As they ate, I sat and had my coffee. I smiled and asked mom,

"How was your day? You were asleep when I left this morning." Mom shrugged and said

"The usual. Finished my class prep and then Mary called to ask if I wanted to go play a round of golf. How was yours?"

"Um...went grocery shopping and then went to my aerobics class. Same old, same old."

Mom smiled and said,

"Well, I'm off to play a round of golf with Mary and maybe visit the nineteenth hole for a few drinks...talk to you later." I rolled my eyes and said,

"Just don't overdo it...okay?"

Mom just nodded, but I wished her a good game and then went to change into my grubbies. Since it was a balmy afternoon, I would do some much needed yard work. I gathered my garden tools from the garden shed and put them into my little red wagon and went out into the back yard and started to work. Just then my cell buzzed and I answered it...

"Hello? Hi Janet. No...yard work. No...she went golfing...right, yours too...ha ha...that'll be the day. Yeah, he is a real man...me too. If you weren't married...you would? No, but I can fantasize, can't I? Don't be silly, he wasn't looking at me. I wish...no...see you tomorrow? Ten? Okay, bye."

Just before I left the gym, I decided to go a full seven day week and I signed up for early ten o'clock weekend classes and that way I would have the remainder of those two days to myself, besides...I play softball Sunday afternoons...so my free weekend time is really limited. Up till now, I was going five days a week after work and took the five o'clock classes like the other gals in my group. 

The afternoon went by quickly and the kids behaved themselves for a change and soon it was early evening. Mom called and said she was at the nineteenth hole for a few mores drinks with her good friend Mary. I knew from past experience that I would be in bed by the time she got home. After an evening of entertaining my kids, it was time for bed and once they were settled, I crashed. I guess I was bushed because I never remembered falling asleep. 

I overslept and woke up to a dreary and wet Sunday morning. I had an hour to get ready for the gym, but I wasn't in a hurry. I started to imagine Lyle getting ready...perhaps saying good morning to some babe that spent the night in his bed. I was already jealous of this fictitious woman, even though I didn't know anything about his life. Was he married, divorced, separated...what? A well built male like him was sure to have at least several girl friends. Men like him stay uncommitted for as long as they can, but was I willing to make a fool of myself over him? I finished dressing and went down to bring in the Sunday paper and perused the store inserts for a few minutes. I looked at the time and decided to leave early and maybe chat with the girls before our class began. A half later I arrived at the gym and saw Janet and Connie talking and went over and asked,

"Soooo, how many classes have you signed up for?"

Janet smiled and admitted,

"Um, seven...Monday through Sunday...ten to noon." I nodded and said,

"I just signed up for early weekend classes, but I'm still going to take my regular weekly classes after work. I'm so out of shape." Connie giggled and asked,

"Hmmmm...you out of shape...really?" She knew I was lying. I shrugged and revealed,

"Well, maybe Lyle is why I'll be taking extra classes. Besides, it'll be fun to get out of the house for a while." 

Janet and Connie smiled and agreed with me and Janet whispered,

"Can you imagine him making love to you?"

"Who?" I teasingly asked.

"Him...Lyle." 

Janet said with a smile. She knew I was pulling her leg. It was reassuring to me to know that I wasn't the only woman with this secret fantasy. I actually think erotic fantasies keep us sane and I can't imagine a day without them. I smiled and nodded...then with a sigh said,

"Yeah, that's my problem...my imagination. If you guys could read my mind...whoa. Triple X rated through and through." Connie raised her eyebrows and gave me a wink and said,

"Me too. Just thinking about it makes me hot. However, thinking about it doesn't mean that you'll do it...does it?"

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders and admitted,

"Of course not. Our thoughts are our own and men don't own them. Not yet anyway."

Just then Lyle came out and set up his equipment and we were off. Dancing to the oldies today was quite a switch from yesterday's hard rock...at least I knew these songs. Our session went way too fast and soon it was noon and our class was over. I was disappointed, but yet thrilled that I could keep up with Lyle. I matched him step for step and move for move. I was a quick learner. Every so often he would glance me a smile and I smiled back. He was noticing me more and more, even though I was in the back row. The girls up front were trying their best to catch his eye, but he kept looking past them...towards me. I started to feel self conscious even though I knew I was good looking, but to stand out amongst twenty other very attractive women was very uplifting to my fragile ego. Janet, Connie, and I talked for a few minutes and then went our separate ways. It was still raining when I walked out to my car and that's when I saw Lyle exiting from the employee's entrance. I smiled and said,

"That was a great session...wasn't it?"

Lyle smiled and walked over to where I was standing and honest to God, my knees were shaking. He agreed and said,

"Yes it was. Um, trouble is...the sessions are way too short. They should be three hours at least to get the most out of aerobics."

Standing by me, Lyle looked like a giant. He was at least a foot taller than me, and made Tom, Larry and Ron look like wimpy pansies. Now I had three men to compare Lyle too where before when I was married...I didn't have anyone to compare Tom too. Lyle was all man and then some. I smiled and asked,

"Soooo, you're leaving early?"

"Yeah, I got a class at one o'clock down in Nanticoke...at our satellite complex. Then it's off to teach nutritional health at the community college until six."

I nodded and mentioned in a matter of fact way,

"I'm originally from Nanticoke...not far from the college. I took a few classes when I was pursuing my Realtor license before I was married so I know that area well."

Lyle looked at his watch and said,

"Well, I better get going...nice talking to you...bye."

I returned his bye and got into my car and pretended to look for something in my tote bag, then pulling out behind him when he left. I was right behind him for three blocks until I had to turn left to get onto 309N to Dallas, but I watched his midnight black Vette until it was out of sight. I wasn't in a hurry to get home because I was in a thinking mode. 

My work week went by rather quickly and soon it was Saturday morning. I arrived an hour early at the gym...thinking that I would work out on some of the equipment before my 10AM aerobics class began. As I was on the treadmill, a voice behind me said,

"Looking good...Angela...a nice tight ass to be proud of." Startled, I turned to see it was Lyle...

"Why thank you. I've been working pretty hard to get it that way."

Lyle smiled and came around and stood in front of me...watching my boobs bounce up and down as I walked at a brisk pace, but I was getting warm in more ways than one. Just then he reached over and sped up the treadmill...making me jog. My breasts were really jumping up and down now and Lyle commented,

"I love to watch a woman's breasts while she runs. It really turns me on when I watch a room full of gorgeous women doing their stepper exercises. Lately, what really started turning me on is you...Angela. You're a fox."

What did he just say...? I looked around the gym...and didn't see anyone. Lyle and I were alone. I was getting a bit nervous, but yet I was getting aroused. It was then that I noticed Lyle's bulge in his tight Spandex shorts and I had to assume it was all him. Lyle smiled when he caught me looking at his crotch and asked,

"Care to see what the gals are all interested in?"

I couldn't believe that he was coming on to me. He was so blatantly sure of himself, betting on the fact that I wouldn't cry out for help. Well, he was right and I didn't. That's when my inhibitions drained away along with my common sense...right then and there on the treadmill. I nodded and turned down the treadmill...slowing it down to an eventual stop. I got off and stood by...watching Lyle strip down to his jock strap and big smile. I couldn't believe the body on this sexy thirty something man. Lyle was a Greek statue come to life...the epitome of all my erotic fantasies...standing semi-naked before me. 

Without saying a word, Lyle stepped forwards and took me in his powerful arms and kissed me passionately. I melted into his arms as I kissed him back. I don't know exactly when it happened, but I was suddenly half naked...my neon pink sports bra was down at my waist. I was so aroused by this erotic God, that I must have slipped off the shoulder straps and pulled the bra down with out even thinking about it...or did he do it. Suddenly, his strong hands were on my bare lopsided tits...knelling them...squeezing them until I swooned from the shear joy of his manly touch. Then Lyle kissed me again and lifted me off my feet and carried me into his office like I was a rag doll. There he laid me on an exercise mat and spread my thighs wide. He then positioned himself between my now slender thighs...kissing and sucking my hot wet pussy and it felt so good to have a real man suck me out. Lyle got up and gave me a big smile then removed his jock strap...revealing the only fourteen-inch cock I had ever seen in my life...it was huge. Other than having my ex's cock for the ten years we were married or Larry's ten incher during my wild weekend with him...I really haven't seen another cock in person, but to see one this big...really blew my mind. Lyle laid down on his back and I straddled him in a sixty nine position and instinctively took his big cock into my mouth...or I tried to. I managed to get the apple sized cock head into my overstretched mouth and down to the collar and that was it...Lyle was too big. In fact...just the cock head filled my mouth. Lyle reached down and pushed my head down further onto his magnificent cock, but all that did was cause me to choke and gasp for air. My two hands could barely girth the huge dong that was pushing between my overstretched lips and it was then I heard him confess,

"There's not many women I can fuck...I'm just too big."

I rolled my eyes and agreed,

"There's no way I'll let you fuck my cunt with that horse's cock...I'm way too small."

He agreed and thank god he didn't force himself on me. However, we continued to make oral love or as orally as I could give, but I did manage to satisfy him and myself at the same time. While I eagerly sucked his apple sized cock head...I felt my spandex shorts being pulled down and then a tongue and fingers were being shoved into my wet pussy...massaging my bean-sized clit. Soon I climaxed and felt my juices run down my inner thighs and his hands...that's when Lyle erupted into my mouth and I had to swallow or choke. He was still spurting cum when I pulled his cock head from my mouth with a noticeable slurpy pop and got a cream facial. I was a gooey mess...with thick milky cum oozing from my mouth and down my chin and there was cum in my eyes and up my nose. We cleaned up and got dressed and he went out into the gym just as my gal friends filed in...little did they know what just took place in Lyle's small office. I slipped out the employee's entrance and hurried around the side of the building and walked in the front entrance and went across the big exercise floor to the annex and Connie smiled when I joined them and she said,

"Are we ready for some serious aerobics, Angela?" I nodded with a big smile and said,

"I can't wait to get started." Karen began to moan when Lyle walked into view and she said with a devilish smile,

"Boy, would I love to get a whack at his cock...just for one night. I would die a happy and satisfied woman."

Janet agreed and revealed,

"I heard it's at least ten inches. What do you say, Angela?"

"Um, that could be and we all know...bigger is always better...right girls?"

Our session began and we couldn't help but giggle. I went home that afternoon...to my life as loving mother and career woman, but to tell the truth, there was no love involved in the only two sexual encounters I ever had in my newly single life. I never told mom about my little encounter with Lyle and I never will. Lyle will go on living in my fantasies and that's where he'll stay. Sometimes, we get exactly what we wish for, but to tell the truth, the fantasy is always better than the reality.

The End