2 comments/ 13968 views/ 4 favorites No Longer Afraid By: astuffedshirt_perv My first real relationship ended in an attempted rape. I was way too young to know any better, so I kept it to myself. My second relationship ended in nearly the same way, only far more violently. After I got to the university, my first boyfriend tried to rape me after a party, choking me nearly unconscious. The irony is, any one of them could have had me if they hadn't attacked me. My friends sympathized with me, and tried to give me advice. "It's like you're a date rape magnet," Allie said unhelpfully. We'll find you a safe guy," Susan promised. It's not that I'm not pretty. I have blonde hair, blue eyes, stand 5 foot 3 inches, weigh about 110 pounds, and have C cup breasts. I could find a boyfriend, it's just that I wanted one that wouldn't hit me when he got me alone. Early in my sophomore year, I got set up with this frat brother who was a friend of Susan's brother. Everyone said he was a nice guy. We went out to a party with my friends, and he seemed nice. I could tell he was interested and so was I. His eyes were soft and warm. Things went so well we decided to split and go to a little concert event on campus. I wanted to stop by my room to get my camera...and as we reached my door suddenly his hand was like a vise on my arm, his eyes hard like glass. I should have screamed, should have struggled while we were still in public. I shouldn't have unlocked the door. I didn't even scream when he ripped my blouse open, but he hit me anyway. The morning found me with my face half caved in, a separated shoulder, Bill in jail and my virginity still intact. I remember the night. The way he made me to turn to him before hitting me again. The weird "thunk" my skull made when it bounced off the floor. Thank God Susan had brought her boyfriend home early. During sentencing he wouldn't even say what I had done to set him off. The girls philosophized that I gave off a pheromone that made men hit me. I even had to switch advisors, as while I sat in his office all I could do was stare at his hands and wonder if he was going to come over the desk at me. Which was funny, since he was 70 years old and needed a cane to stand. Lord knows, I should have become a lesbian right then, but guys were so sexy. They had chests and eyes and butts and muscles, even if they just wanted to use me as a punching bag when they got me alone. To make matters worse, when I masturbated, I fantasized about being raped. Clearly it was all my fault, and I was just another messed up little bitch. I avoided boys the rest of the year. And then, at the start of my junior year, I met Josh. Josh and I were paired up in Anthropology for a paper. He was on the lacrosse team—I know, I know, warning bells should have been going off. Josh was a gorgeous man, he was over six feet tall, had black hair, brown eyes, had a thin but muscular build, was both funny and smart. I was besotted. At first we studied in the library, but after the paper was done we continued to study together at the library. Maybe I was a little flirtatious, maybe more than a little. Josh finally asked me if we could "study" alone. I told him no, and I could see the light go out of his eyes. He offered a curt "good night" and avoided me like the plague the next day in class. I was shattered. I finally interrupted his dinner with his teammates and asked if I could speak to him, twenty frozen eyes staring at me as he slowly rose and joined me in the lobby. I poured out my entire pathetic story to him, how he would hit me if he was alone with me, coming unglued in the process. Afterwards, I stood there, blubbering like a child in front of everyone. He stepped forward and wrapped his strong arms around me and held me and silently stroked my hair until I calmed down. That night he surprised me by coming over to my room. He held my hand as we studied with Susan in the room. As I let him out of the door that night, he leaned in and kissed me. We made out in the doorway, right in front of Susan until her coughing fit broke us up. I was delirious. I had to wait until Monday night to see him again, and this time when we "studied" we could hardly keep our hands off each other, almost getting to third base. Susan was not amused. Wednesday she told me that she would study in Allie and Kate's room, which connected to our room through a bathroom. She would have both doors open so she could be close, but she was not going to go through another night of watching me and Josh make out. It sounded like a good idea but it didn't work. After a few sweet kisses, Josh started to reach for my breasts. I tried to let him, I wanted to let him, but the panic just exploded in me. I pulled away and all I could see was muscles twitching, hands ready to wrap around my throat. When he reached for me again I jumped and cowered in the corner of my bed. I wept for hours as Susan held me. I was so pathetic. I never expected to see him again and skipped classes the rest of the week. Who would want to deal with that kind of drama? Later, I would find out that Allie had hunted him down and confronted him about what she thought-but hadn't-happened, which all makes what happened next more amazing. Early Friday night I was curled up on my bed feeling like a loser while Susan tried to cheer me up. I knew I was too much of a head case to ever have a normal relationship. I got to thinking maybe I should just take the beating, anything to be near him. There was a knock at the door. It was Josh, he was grinning, and my heart broke anew. The physical embodiment of everything I would ever want, and yet I couldn't have it. Susan let him in, but he asked my permission anyways. I stayed in my bed as Susan sat at her desk, and he sat down by me. Suddenly, I realized I was trapped and lunged to stand, my heart thundering. He took it in stride and smiled at me softly as he rose. He embraced me and I submitted to a kiss. Susan announced she was going back into Allie's room but would leave the doors open. I nodded apprehensively. I steeled myself, I knew how this was going to end. "Listen," Josh said when we were alone. "I've been thinking about you a lot. I totally understand you being afraid to be alone with me. But I got an idea that might help." With that, he placed a string necklace around my neck. It had a key on it. I looked at him quizzically, and then he pulled out handcuffs. The moment it registered, I jumped into the bathroom and ran to Allie's door. Susan, sitting in Allie's room with Allie and Kate, rose in concern. Allie surged forward as if to protect me, but Susan stopped her. "Let her handle it herself," Susan said quietly and nodded in reassurance to me. I looked at her and then back through the doorway to my room. He hadn't come after me yet, and I glanced back at Susan several times. I heard nothing for a while, and curiosity finally got the best of me. I peeked into my room for an instant and saw him lying on my bed. After another glance to Susan, I leaned in and looked at him. "Hey baby," he smiled. My senses left me. He called me "Baby." "Hey," I whispered, stepping into my room. My eyes took him in. He had laid down on my bed and fastened the cuffs around his wrists such that he was cuffed to my headboard. "I'm helpless, Angie," he said gently. "I won't hurt you." I eyed him suspiciously and then snuck closer. I checked the cuffs, and they seemed solid and tight. I poked him, and he jumped a little and laughed. I kissed him, and it was wonderful. When I pulled away, all he could do was lay there gasping. I giggled and repeated. I smiled at him and straddled him and started to kiss him again, feeling his solid chest through his t-shirt. This time when we broke, he told me to cut off his t-shirt. I didn't need to be asked twice, making short work of his tee with a pair of scissors. Soon my hands and lips were exploring his skin, his amazing skin. Years of pent-up frustration boiled to the surface. I practically ripped his pants off. And there it was, his cock. His magnificent cock, hard and throbbing for me. I started kissing and slobbering on it, taking him into my hot mouth. I had no idea what I was doing. When he moaned I did more of that. God, how I needed him. I whipped off my shorts, not even bothering with my top, and kissed him wildly while straddling him and trying to get him in me. He was saying something, and I finally heard it. "Angie, stop," he was saying. "Stop." Oh my God, I was raping him. I jumped off of him like a scalded cat. All those times I had begged them to stop but they wouldn't, and now I was doing the exact same thing. I couldn't apologize enough, I didn't know what to do. I finally realized I had the key around my neck and I went up to his hands and tried to un-cuff him, but I was shaking too badly. He kept on saying it was okay, but I was freaked out. His tone changed, suddenly commanding, and he grabbed my hand as I looked at him. "Angie, look at me," he demanded. "Listen, I want this to be good for you. But with that blow job you were giving me, I'm not going to last long. Just give me a hand job first." "But...you said...I..." "Angie, it's okay. Trust me," he smiled and lifted up to kiss me. "So I was doing okay?" "You were doing great. I was about to cum." "You were?" "Yeah," he laughed. "So I was going good?" "Great." I giggled in relief and glanced at his cock again, no longer standing erect. I kissed him and then devoured him, my passions boiling again. I stripped off my top and pressed against him as we kissed, and then moved down to finish him off. Neither one of us was being quiet, and when he came he bellowed. I had heard "bad girls spit, good girls swallow," and right away decided to be a good girl. I really didn't think it tasted that bad, but I smiled at him before running to the bathroom to wash my mouth out anyway. Susan was already there, glaring at me. I stopped and squealed and tried to cover myself. "Do you want to close the fuckin' door already?" she demanded. I nodded and she forced a smile for me as she shook her head in resignation as she handed me the Scope, closing the door behind her. As she stepped away I saw four of my friends crowded around the door, looking at me. It was like I had give a performance to the whole floor! I thoroughly rinsed and returned to Josh, closing the door behind me. I laid on top of him and kissed him and ground my hips into his still-soft dick in frustration. I needed him. He asked if I wanted him to eat me, but I knew I only wanted him inside of me. Finally he stiffened enough and I mounted him. I was so turned on I came after just a few minutes. He was bouncing his hips off the bed and I was screaming my head off. He came again and I collapsed on his chest, completely spent. We kissed for awhile before I remembered I had the key and un-cuffed him. His arms closed gently around me and I felt warm and tingly all over. We fell asleep together, and I was no longer afraid. No Longer Afraid I grew up in a home where there was a mother, a father and a brother. We went to church every Sunday and attended Sunday school. Our weekends were for homework, helping around the house and visiting our grandparents. During the school week we were allowed 2 hours for play before dinner. After dinner we had to take turns washing and drying the dishes for mom and then on to our homework. I was 6 years younger than my brother and we had a good relationship. He always helped me with my homework, even when he was in college I was able to call him and ask for his help. For helping me with my homework, I would clean up his room for him, and do some things that would help him out so he can go out with his friends. We both had friends and most of them did similar things that we did. There were others that made fun of us because we hardly got anytime to play, but we made do. Our summers were always great as dad bought us a pool and always took 1 week vacation to take us somewhere. When we turned 13 we were able to bring a friend on vacation and that made the trip even more fun. As my brother got older, he started dating which took time away from "our time" but I was happy for him and he met a really nice girl and they including me once in a while in their plans like when the carnival was in town or a fair or something along those lines. When I got to high school I met a really nice black guy but was afraid of him because our parents always told us they were bad and to stay away from them. We didn't have any in our school so it was easy to do but high school was a different ball game. My sophomore year I joined the high school band and had a blast and one of the nicest kids I knew was black. We got along and I wanted him to come to my house to practice. Before I did, I asked mom and dad and they refused to let me associate with him outside of school. I really liked him and I told him about my parents' rule and he never wanted any part of me ever. He was part of a group that hung out with my other friends but he ignored me and I always felt so uncomfortable but I didn't want to upset my parents. My brother married his girlfriend and they moved into another city which wasn't far but I didn't see him as much. They had a beautiful baby girl and they brought her around a lot and I even offered to babysit for free so they didn't have to pay anyone and they could still go out. I graduated high school and a bunch of us went to the shore for a week and my black classmate was included. I didn't tell my parents about it because I knew they wouldn't let me go. The boys stayed in one room and we stayed in another. After our vacation I got a part time job that I was able to still hold when I started college. I went to a community college for my first two years until I got a car and then went of to Penn State. I wanted to be a teacher in the beginning and then I wasn't sure. I didn't want my parents to pay for school so I saved to put myself through, but my grandparents set up college funds for me and my brother that I didn't know about. They also started bank accounts for us when we were born so we really had it made. Our parents never touched our money and they always made sure we were well dressed and took us regularly to the doctors, dentist, eye doctors, etc. to make sure we were always well. I loved them dearly but as I got older I wanted to find out why they hated black people so much. On one of my breaks from college, I sat down with my parents and asked them and they said because the rob and steal from people, they kill, they act funny and stupid and the list went on. My mother told me that black boys only want one thing from a girl and that was sex and that was forbidden in our house. I told them I thought that it was so cruel to say those things and the ones that I am attending school with were not like that at all. They told me to never bring it up again. I was confused and worried that I would never get to know them for who they are if I continued to listen to them. Not that I wanted to disrespect them, but I wanted to see for myself. I started being friendly with some of the girls and guys and we hung on and there was really nothing bad about them at all. I kept thinking about my friend from school and looking him up so I did. I was shocked to find out that he moved away and no one has heard from him since. I really liked him a lot and in fact when I think about it, he was really cute. One day at the library, one of our football players approached me and asked me if he could ask me some questions on the homework assignment and report because he wasn't sure if he was on the right track. He introduced himself to me, his name was Jim and had a great handshake and what a smile. A single dimple in his right cheek and the darkest eyes and skin I have ever seen. We chatted and I explained things and he asked if I would be able to assist him with his work and he would pay me anything I asked. I told him I would help him but there would be no charge. He smiled at me I just melted. I kept thinking about what mom and ad always said, but I was 21 years old now and I had to make my own decisions. He offered to pick me up every day and go to the library and treat me to lunch or dinner whenever we worked together. He was always a gentlemen, polite in every way and never laid a finger on me. All I could think of what mom said and shake my head in dismay and disgust. How close minded they were and I was no longer going to be that way. Jim and I worked for almost a month on the assignment and we were getting really close. We were calling each other even when we didn't have a study date just to talk. He invited me to the homecoming dance as his date and I graciously accepted. That meant a new dress and trying out how to tell my parents of my new friend and that I was helping him with our assignment and about being his date. I didn't know if I wanted to see the looks on their faces when I told them or just tell them on the phone. I loved the little boutique at home where I could get a great gown so I opted to tell them in person with Jim in tow. I explained to him how they were and he told me that he didn't want to cause any friction between my parents and I and I told him that I was 21 and can make up my own mind and make my own decisions and my decision was to go with him to this dance if they liked it or not. I never disobeyed them but I'm not that little girl anymore and the black people are people too and so are the other races there is more to the world than just white people. I called to say I was coming home from school over the weekend but I got their answering machine. I told Jim to pack a bag and he would be able to stay in my brother's old room provided they didn't blow up at us when we got there. He was a little hesitant on going with me but I insisted they had to face the music that I had a black friend and they could do or say nothing about it. Jim drove us and he even stopped and picked up flowers for my mom. They never called to say they got my message so I couldn't tell them anything until I got home. We parked on the street because to my surprise my brother was visiting and it would be great. I walked in and was greeted by my niece that was now 5 and the smartest and so cute. She hugged and kissed me and told me she missed me and loved me. My brother also greeted me in the same fashion. My sister was not there. She was at a convention for her job so I didn't get to see her. I always loved her and she was so good to and with my brother. I then approached my dad and mom and told them I had brought home a schoolmate with me. I told her I had a date for the homecoming dance and would be going to the boutique for a gown and she asked to accompany me. I asked Jim to come in and you had to see the looks on their faces when he walked in. They were nice to him but I could feel the tension between Jim and my parents. My brother and niece were very nice to him. In fact my niece asked him to give her a horseback ride and he agreed to do it. My parents asked me to join them in the dining room where they told me to leave before it got ugly because they didn't want to cause a scene but Jim was not welcome in their home. I told them that Jim was my friend and I was 21 years old and if I wanted him as a friend I was going to have just that. If he was not welcomed in our home, then don't expect to see me or any of the pictures of the dance as he was my date. I told them I was not afraid of black people anymore and called them racist and close minded. I also told them I was not being disrespectful but he was one of the nicest guys I have ever met. I also reminded them that they forbid me to become friends with Gary and I was very upset to this day about it and wish I could see him again and try to make amends and be friends. Mom was about to say something when I stopped her. I told her that Jim and I have been working together on a project for a while now and he has never once touched me or even approached me about sex. We are friends now, but who knows what will be. She almost fainted and my dad told me I was a disrespectful like whore. I told them I was no longer their daughter and would leave with my new friend and come to collect all my belongings and find a place of my own where black and other races are welcome. I started to cry and hugged my niece and my brother and told him I would be in touch and said I couldn't live my life by their racist rules any longer. I took Jim by the hand and off we went. We found a nearby hotel to put us up for a couple of days and he then drove me to the boutique. I didn't want him to see what I was going to be wearing so I asked that he let me surprise him. They just opened up a tuxedo shop next door so he went in there to see what he could find for that night too. I found the most beautiful gown that was our school colors of dark blue and white and had the most beautiful neckline. I had the perfect pearl earrings to wear and the ring from my grandmother but didn't know what I would wear around my neck. It really didn't need anything and it showed off my 42D tits beautifully. The gown also fit me perfectly and I bought it. Jim found a tux and he rented it. The dance was 2 weeks away so we took it all with us. She put it in garment bag as not to reveal my surprise to Jim. Later that evening we went for a nice dinner and came back and we did a lot of talking and he asked me if I was okay with what happened between myself and my parents and told him that I was my own person now and I have been told wrong by them. I took Jim by the hand and we leaned into each other and kissed for the first time. His lips were so soft and he was a great kisser. I stuck my tongue down his throat and he responded to me in the same fashion. We kissed we hugged we touched and I knew I wanted him to go further but he was hesitant. He asked me if I ever went any further and I said no but I wanted to. It felt so right. He was so gentle with me as we undressed each other and explored each others bodies. He had such a build and a cock unlike I have ever seen in person (not that I've seen many) or in pictures, television or movies. He was so sexy. I wasn't sure if he would like when he saw me naked but he told me that my white tits were so beautiful and they matched the rest of me perfectly. That was the first time I have ever made love to anyone before and I gave up my virginity to a black man. My mother would die a thousand deaths if she knew that I gave my body willingly to a black man. I was no longer afraid of them and we fell asleep in each others arms. The next morning when we got up I had a message on my cell from my parents asking us to come to the house so we could mend what was broken and to bring Jim with me. I wasn't sure I wanted to but I didn't want to end my relationship with my parents that way. Jim agreed to go with me. On the way my brother called me and told me that he had a nice long talk with mom and dad and told them they would lose me if they didn't do something about it. There goes my big brother, still helping me and I thanked him for stepping in on my behalf. I told him how much I liked him and he said that Jim was pretty cool too. At the house, mom had made us a wonderful dinner of friend chicken, mashed white and sweet potatoes and corn on the cob with homemade deep dish apple pie and ice cream for dessert which was my favorite. We all talked and laughed and they got to know and like Jim apologized to him for all that happened. Jim told them not to worry he was okay and all was forgiven. I couldn't wait to show my my gown. After dinner, Jim and I did the dishes and talked and I thanked him for everything and he told me that he owes his good grades my help. He told me that he liked me from the moment he saw me sitting in the library and was glad I was alone. We hugged and kissed and then joined mom and dad in the living room where they brought out old pictures for us to look at. I took my aside and told her that I loved her and Jim was not like she told me he would be and that I was not longer afraid of black people and not worried that black men have only sex on their mind. Mom told me that I had a glow about me like I never had before and I told her that Jim was the reason and she told me that she could tell. The dance came and when Jim picked me up and gave me a beautiful wrist corsage to wear and put a necklace around my neck. It was a beautiful double heart with a black and white pearls. He told me that reminded him of us. I loved it and I loved him. Jim and I are now happily married and have given my a set of twin grandchildren. I am so glad that I stood up for myself and my beliefs and that I didn't lose my parents love and respect by doing so. Jim treats me like a queen and has been able to buy us a brand new home, put 2 new cars in our garage and allow our children to go to a great school. I still wear that necklace he bought be every day since that dance. I am no longer afraid.