0 comments/  12740 views/  1 favorites

Mojave

By: Selwyn



Sunset in the Mojave. Next to their battered Wagoneer, my friends Barry and Marta squat on their hams finishing the dinner dishes - scraping the remains of my notorious pineapple venison chili onto a sun-burnished rock. Tomorrow the ants will have a feast. Marta's friend Wendy, a woman I'd never met until this morning, kneels near our small fire a few yards away, alternately pouring boiling water through a little Melitta coffee filter, then brushing a stray lock of dark hair from her temple. 

The four of us, tired from the day's drive out from Bishop in the heat, have gradually begun to relax into the desert harmony of one another's company. Economy of movement, economy of speech. Freedom.

Barry and I are old desert hands; have done plant research together, hiked the fierce canyons of the Panamint Range, shared a last bottle of warm Schlitz, and have slept out many a night under the desert sky's glittering canopy. Once in a bar in Bishop (or Lone Pine, I was too drunk to really know) I saved him from a beating by three equally drunken gold prospectors; the only time I have ever pointed a firearm at another human. 

I think we both know that he was actually trying to get ME killed, but his fucked-up little plan backfired. A year before this trip to the desert, I once found myself in bed with Marta, his wife, on a quiet spring afternoon. It was an accident, and we never repeated it, nor ourselves ever spoke of it again but one time. I never particularly regretted it, either; it had nothing to do with my friendship with either of them, and I'd had sex, or "made love with" Marta several times before she and Barry married; once or twice in the university herbarium on the prep table near Dr Stenholm's world-renowned collection of Cypripredium, the lady's-slipper orchids. A few days after my encounter with the married Marta, though, (and it was a very pleasurable encounter, too), she told him about it during an argument. Barry cried, got drunk, and threatened to kill me, but he never did. Ultimately, I made amends to each of them privately, but that's another long story, with no end in sight even now. 

We know each other pretty well, Barry and I, and I don't guess we'd have a real falling-out over something as trivial as my having sex/love with his wife accidentally. I don't think Marta takes either of us terribly seriously, anyway. Her husband she occasionally treats as though he were a demented but essentially harmless adolescent, and me like a somewhat devious and delinquent half-grown tomcat, or young raccoon. 

Barry has listened to his share of my miseries over the years, God knows. And I've put up with his shitty jokes and bizarre impulses - sometimes dangerous impulses - far longer and more patiently than anyone but a true friend would. 

Anyway, I'd been out in the Saline Valley working on Yucca brevifolia, the Joshua Tree, alone for a month and a half, studying its pollination by an elusive species of the moth Pronuba. Until a week or so ago, a young couple was camped about fifty yards away; he a graduate geology student, and his spouse or equivalent a poet or writer. They never wore clothes, and almost never seemed to speak to each other. Or to me. I saw them often though; naked, making their meals and puttering around their camp. One day when he was off from camp working, naked except for a pair of heavy boots and his map board, she came over - naked but for a pair of sandals, and very beautiful - to borrow some iodine and a bandage, which she applied to a blister on her heel while sitting totally unselfconsciously on a rock about four feet from me. I glanced surreptitiously and nervously at her dusky tan breasts, lean-muscled belly, and the cleft below the little strip of her downy chestnut pubic fur, and was speechless - literally faint - with desire. For one awful moment, I battled a powerful and near-irresistible impulse to slide my index finger in along her slightly parted, and I feverishly imagined, dewey, labia. I actually began to lift that finger to my mouth to wet it; then she caught me staring at her, and stared back insolently. She then scratched herself lightly where my finger wanted to be (please Dear God! Look after your brainless and impulsive servant Nikko), and carelessly and I now think with deliberate cruelty brushed a fingertip at a persistent fly over a reddish nipple as we were making what passed for small talk. She - Sylvie, I think she said her name was - asked me if I didn't become lonely out here by myself; didn't I have someone? I said yes; yes I was lonely, but was recently divorced from my wife, and not in a suitable condition for a relationship. She said she understood; was herself in an uncertain situation; not sure she wanted to continue being with a man who communicated in monosyllables. An intimate conversation for two people who had just met. Sylvie said that she - she didn't mention her friend or husband - enjoyed my guitar playing in the evening. She offered to share some of her current writing with me; I said I would enjoy that.

At lunchtime, her rockhead husband or husband-equivalent came back and they ate lunch together. He was uncharacteris-tically demonstrative to Sylvie, and I guiltily imagined him glancing over my way disapprovingly, as though he was disappointed in me in some way. I tried to appear heartily innocent and really, really cheerful. That's the kind of dizzy shit your brain starts to play off of when you've been alone for an extended period in a landscape that all but laughs at you. 

In my loneliness, my mind began to wander into erotic back-alleys: Marta beneath me, breathing hard, her flushed face a lovely mask of orgasmic tension and torment as I touch the wet, swollen little sheath of her clitoris; she and I locked together; her hot, slick vagina gripping me as we rock together slowly, postponing the moment of our climax. 

My ex-wife's lesbian friend (our longtime roommate) standing with her back hard to me; one foot up on our (my wife's and my!!!) bed, her legs parted. I'm kissing her neck and ears; with one hand, I am firmly holding her rigid, trembling lower abdomen. The fingers of my other hand are inside her swollen, juicy folds; I'm touching her; teasing her clitoris, circling the opening of her vagina; sliding my finger up into her to stroke the place where her smooth wet insides are thickened and sensitive; her g-spot. As I massage both her clit and g-spot, she groans from somewhere deep in her chest; her body strains forward and her legs begin to collapse. She sobs my name as her genital nerve endings ignite her entire body; her head rolls back against my shoulder, then she is coming and coming and coming; pressing my hands hard against herself; trying to mount herself onto me.

God, PLEASE: I am SO sick of these recycled memories, and there isn't a cold shower for a hundred miles. Get me out of here!

The Nakeds left soon after; I didn't get to read any of Sylvie's writing, and although she had given me their address in Santa Cruz, I never saw them again. It wasn't much of a friendship, but at least they were there, and she was wonderful to look at. As they drove away, and their little moving dust cloud followed them for at least twenty miles that I could see (with my binoculars!!), I tried to imagine them naked, filling their older Volvo station wagon with gas in Bishop - the stares they would draw from the local rednecks - but I couldn't make them fit any way I knew of into a society that transacted everyday things like filling up a car with gasoline, or going into a Safeway store to pick up some milk and avocados. I just had never seen them with clothes on.

So, back to the present evening. After that much of solitary desert life, alone with my research, my guitar, and the skinny kangaroo rats and even skinnier coyotes, I am lonely for companionship. Brown shoulders and legs, sun-bleached hair, and a chronically blistered nose; I look and feel more lizard than human. It's a wonder that I haven't forgotten how to speak the English language. Alone two days ago in my camp, I experimented with a few lines of song aloud. The sound of my own voice shocked me: hoarse, and lower in pitch than what I hear in my own head.

With Barry, Marta, and the quiet Wendy here tonight, companionship beckons. Tonight there will be wine, talk, music of guitar and harmonica. Perhaps a little smoke. Not too sure about the peyote that Barry brought.

Dusk. Shadows lengthen, the valley light thickens into a viscous golden liquid. What is a harsh scene by daylight softens and metamorphoses into a Parrish-like, slightly hallucinatory mural of truly epic proportions; decidedly surreal, contrasting pastel colors; the immense scale of the mountains, the sheer size, and the enormous distances nearly incomprehensible. 

To the west, the creosote bush-carpeted valley slopes up sharply to the craggy, forbidding crest of the Paiute Range. Joshua Trees dot the lower slopes, and a few scraggly pinon pine and junipers are scattered over the upper flanks. Sun-blasted cliffs and spires of rock. Then nothing. Just sky, deepening in color as the swelling orange sun slips down. A few stars begin to wink against the deepening velvet of the arid night. Away in the distance, up some lonely canyon, an owl hoots mournfully. Time for its dinner; a meal to be caught and consumed in solitude. A kangaroo rat perhaps, or a small reptile.

We four sit on the desert floor around the small fire of juniper sticks, the pleasing scented smoke curling upward in blue wisps in the still air. There's a little communal tension as Barry takes peyote buttons one by one from a rumpled bread sack, and trims off the most nauseous parts with his old broken pocketknife. Veterans of many an impromptu chuckwalla butchering are they, he and his old Buck. This is not the first time they've teamed up to perform field surgery on peyote buttons, either. I don't know how he managed it, but Barry earned a gilt-edged and acclaimed PhD degree from the University of California, mostly by harvesting peyote buttons in spectacular but godforsaken deserts across the southwest, and eating them "for the vitamins and minerals", he says in a wry way. He never brags about his education the way lots of science doctors do. Marta and I pretend that he's boring, but we both love him.

We'd talked about this peyote orgy a month ago on the telephone long-distance. Joked about the phony drug-mysticism. Although at the time I'd maintained I wouldn't, I now know that I will eat some of those nauseous wrinkled buttons. It's been years and years, the company is good, it feels right....why not? I'm as relaxed as I've ever been, and it seems so safe out here; what could possibly go wrong in this place? We could go mad and run off shrieking through the creosote bush until exhausted and fall down to be eaten by jackrabbits, I guess. So what?

So what?

Tense little jokes as we all wash down the fragments of vile-tasting cactus with warm red Inglenook. Barry, like a high priest administering communion, urges us to eat. He belches hugely, which nets a rather faint laugh from me; I'm not feeling too good in the stomach right at the moment. Marta hoots a low tune on her dented Hohner to divert her own attention from the inevitable nausea. I join her on my cracked Gibson, also fighting an unpleasant revolt taking place in my stomach....is it the vision-laden vegetable, or that wretched chili we ate earlier?

After a while, as dusk eases into night, Wendy lights some votive candles and places them around us on nearby rocks. The little flames rise straight and unwavering in the stillness. 

Our tiny fire, fed from a carefully hoarded stack of small juniper sticks, adds its magical fragrance to the light, warm air. We sit in a pool of soothing yellow light; the only such for miles and ages around, it strikes me suddenly. We could be the only humans on earth. Might as well be.

I have to laugh a little bit at the silliness of our being out here for no real reason except to get high. I do laugh - out loud - and am surprised at how rich and knowing my laughter sounds in this enormous emptiness. The last people on earth! And then I'm laughing, and it's all very funny and deeply, sweetly poignant, and suddenly I'm laughing and crying and in love with this spot of parched mystical earth in the desert, in love with my friends, and with the hoot of my blood brother the owl. 

Deep, ringing, resonant notes spring ecstatically from my fingers and the bronze strings of the old flattop guitar. 

The guitar is breathing, I swear it; breathing its music to the meaningful stars so close. And the stars are singing back, of course. Their ancient, timeless song fills the universe and my soul, and they are one; the universe and my soul.

Barry and Marta and Wendy move closer, their dark loving eyes filled with sweet candlelight, peyote, and innocent awe at the sparks of music and truth flowing from the ancient thin wood and taut bronze in my hands. Only they're not my hands; the hands with bone and tan skin and pulsing warm blood, they are the hands of mankind. Of God. So perfect, so inevitable; this song has waited patiently through the eons to be discovered, liberated. Beauty fills this enchanted circle of warmth and love, and gently saturates the earth and the waiting night. A waterfall, a cascade of clear, ringing beauty pours from my brown fingers and the breathing guitar, and into the soft light air.

The song ends, and I watch sadly as the last notes float over Barry's shoulder and into the waiting void. The music - truth - goes its own way now as I set the guitar down, its work of first discovery and liberation accomplished. Marta, in a thea-trical, significant voice that cracks us up into hysterics drawls luridly: "There, THAT oughtta hold 'em for a while!". We know exactly what she means, too: the vanguard truth of pure music finally bringing some peace to the exhausted but still-vicious world. We chuckle, knowing we're just high on peyote, and yet, and yet.....

And Wendy. I hadn't really looked at Wendy before, or maybe seen her; not in this way. She is exquisitely beautiful by the soft flickering light of the candles and the fire. Dark, thick wild hair and dark eyebrows, long dark eyelashes, luminous deep eyes, and a finely molded face. A hint of knowing sadness, or the rich, reticent empathy of the truly wise is about her. Her movements are graceful; simple but elegant, like a deer or an antelope. There is something knowing, yet trusting about her. 

She is seeming more and more to me like a benevolent witch, or something between a witch and a lovely, innocent child.

I can't stop looking into her eyes, nor apparently she into mine. A thin shaft of paranoia lances through me: perhaps she is a witch of some sort, and has put a spell on me.......and at that exact moment, and without a word, she smiiiles at me with warmth and friendship; then gets up, leans over me briefly to take my cup, and goes to the jug to pour me some wine. Her hands are brown, slender, and look soft. I watch her step off lightly, candlelight flickering on her long smooth tan legs and arms. Her scent, musky and feminine, lingers until she returns to put the cup gently into my hands.

The wine she has brought me I didn't really want; I need nothing more now in this perfect moment. The desert, my home, is around and in me, and I am in it, at peace. I belong here, with the billions of brilliant godlike stars distantly wheeling their precise way over us; regally, majestically, yet benevolently. For a moment again, I feel alone. Not lonely, exactly, but wanting an affirmation of my humanity. The dark woman who has seated herself next to me I barely know; yet we are brother and sister, together in a way that is not defined, but is nonetheless archaically deep, and now utterly empathetic.

She is looking quietly into the fire and smoothing with her palm a small mound of fine sand between her brown feet. The skin of her bare arm is so satiny-looking, I wonder what it would feel like to touch?......and before the question is half-formed in my mind, my fingertips as if drawn by an invisible wire or a magnetic field, are lightly stroking her silky forearm. She does not turn to look at me, but I see a tiny upturn at the corner of her mouth, and her soft, slender hand takes mine and holds it a moment. 

I look away, at Marta and Barry; she sitting with her head resting on Barry's shoulder. His arm is around her back. My heart fills with love for these dear and special friends. Do I speak the words I Love You aloud? Or is it only a ripple which passes between us? Barry smiles at me yeeeessss, I love you too my brother, and closes his eyes.

My head turns again to look at Wendy, also with her eyes closed now, and looking childlike and trusting. Her breasts against the thin fabric of her sleeveless shirt are rising and falling with her breathing; slowly, but in perfect cadence with the deep expectant breathing of the night around us, which I notice with surprise. And again unbidden by the brain or the shoulder or the arm to which it is nominally attached, my hand reaches out to unbutton Wendy's shirt. I am looking into her eyes as I do this, and her eyes are looking back, asking what?; and saying yes. The skin of her shoulder and warm breast are so incredibly.......so velvety soft. Both of us make a small gasp of surprise and pleasure as her nipple stiffens against my gently stroking fingers.

Her hair brushes my shoulder as she leans her head against me. Her face turns to mine, and we are kissing deeply, and her shirt is open and her warmth and softness are in my hands and her taut nipples against my fingertips. No words pass between us: it is skin speaking to skin, and hands asking, and our bodies saying yes, yes please, I want you.

Ages - eons - pass, and the night is now breathing hard; panting. Somehow we have become naked in the candlelight upon a blanket, our bodies and our desire forming a vector which we both know and want, yet of which we are both a little afraid. Her slim body is so beautiful, so mysterious; her head turned aside and her eyes closed; her thighs apart. I kiss her everywhere, and when my lips touch the sweet, silky warmth and softness between her legs she sighs and her body arches; a warning, or an offering. Please, Please. My fingertips trace her nipples, the tension in her stomach and thighs. She trembles, then whimpers once as my mouth touches her again. Please....

I come to her, and we are looking into one another's eyes; hers filled with tears. Unwilling to stay and afraid to go on. 

I am high; SO high: higher than I have ever been in my life. 

The universe is poised, waiting, tensed expectantly, trembling upon the brink of some cataclysmic convulsion. We are together here, and alone, at the end of all worlds; the edge of time and space, where matter ends and pure love begins.

And then I enter her slowly and her heat and her life and soul are gripping; holding me, and for eternal moments we are clinging to one another; utterly helpless now, and frightened. 

I don't know how much time passes.... seconds or hours. The tug of our bodies is now beyond volition, we have become one being, with no division between our skins, senses, or souls. I feel in my own body the hot throb in her silky swollen genitals, the tense agony in her abdomen and thigh muscles; her limbs trembling, the clench of her teeth and jewellike scatter of tears on her cheekbones. Her fright and longing are mine, and my blind desperate yearning are hers. 

We see one another momentarily again through hot tears; hear one another through our own gasps, as if through a kaleidoscope. Hurtling in upon one another; falling; burning in a white heat; dissolving; too late now to stop or pause or go back to pray or regret. 



Mojave



I am sitting on the edge of the bed, my skin damp and hot from my shower, hair wet. I take the bottle of lotion and begin to apply it to my legs, starting at my ankles. You are sitting across the room watching me as I rub my calves and thighs. I let me towel fall, exposing myself to you, as I apply the slippery emulsion to my stomach, my arms and shoulders, my breasts. I use both hands to rub my skin, caress my thighs and abdomen. I can see you are getting hard. "Come here and help me out," I say, smiling. 

As you walk toward me, I am spellbound by the heavy sway of your erection. My mouth is watering and I can feel myself growing damp between my thighs. I hand you the lotion and turn around, lying on my stomach. "Do my back." I say. You kneel on the bed, straddling one of my thighs and apply the cold lotion directly to my skin. The cool creaminess against my hot flesh causes me to jump slightly and you laugh a little. You begin to massage my back, rubbing a generous amount of the lotion on me. Your hands are firm and it feels delicious. I sigh softly, relaxing under your attention. 

Your hands are moving down my back, over my hips, up and down in deep circles, before sliding to my buttocks. Your thumbs slide against my crease and make their way up to my spine. You follow my spine the length of my back to my shoulders. As you are leaning over me, I feel your hot cock rub against my lower back. Slowly, you make your way back down my spine and move to kneel between my thighs, spreading them apart. 

Your hands return to my cheeks, massaging easily, then stroke down to the tops of my inner thigh. I moan softly, raising myself slightly, in hopes that you are going to focus your attention on my now fully aroused pussy. You use your thighs to open me wider, to give yourself full view of my labia and clit, and the shaved skin of my mound. My thighs are resting on top of yours, hips lifted off of the bed. You can see everything you want. 

You resume massaging my bottom and thighs, working your hands close to my juicy lips, but not touching, yet. I moan again, pressing back, raising my hips into your hands. I feel you touch me with the head of your cock, as you begin to rub it against my ass, sliding it along the crease and then dipping lower to give a whisper of a touch along my pussy slit. I press down to rub my clit against you, but my thighs are spread too wide, prohibiting my movement in that direction. You pull the object of my affection away. "I want it," I moan softly. 

I hear you laugh and you begin to tease me softly with your hands, sliding them under my pelvis on either side of my mound. You make deep circles, causing my lips to squeeze together and rub against my swollen clit, just enough to antagonize me. I moan, pressing against your hands. My hips are moving in slow circles, showing you what I want. 

You grip my hips with one hand and I feel you place your hard swollen head at the mouth of my pussy. Now gripping my ass with both hands, you pull my slick body back, impaling me on your pulsing cock. I gasp in pleasure, tightening my moist walls around you. You open my thighs as wide as they can go and begin to slide me back and forth on your dick. 

With my tight pussy full, my clit is begging for attention. I move to slide my hand beneath me, wanting to roll the hard little button under my fingers. You pull forward grabbing my wrists, forcing them over my head. You are lying on top of my back now, ramming your dick in and out of my hot little cunt. I groan in pleasure and frustration. I cannot move, except to lift my hips up to receive each thrust. 

You pull my arms under my chest and pull me up, so that we are upright, my thighs straddling yours, spread wide. You hold my hands, crossed against my chest and I begin to ride your cock, up and down, my head thrown back against your shoulder. Harder and harder, I pump your cock, my pussy burning for more, for release. 

I open my eyes and I see us in the mirror over the bed. I can see my clit, hard and throbbing. I can see your dick sliding in and out of me. I cry out wildly. My skin is aching, my orgasm just out of reach. You lean us forward so that I am resting on my knees and elbows, your chest and stomach pressed against my back. My thighs are quivering with arousal and I am making wild animal sounds with each thrust of your body. Mercifully, you slide one hand down and begin to strum over my clit. That soft touch sends me over the edge and I cry out in pleasure, my body racked with ecstasy. You grunt as my pussy grips you tighter, wave after wave of orgasm coursing through my wet tunnel. My body is shaking wildly beneath you. You continue stroking my clit, thrusting deeply into me until my body begins to relax. 

I collapse beneath you and you slowly pull your still rock hard cock out of my satisfied pussy. I turn to look at you and I smile knowing what you want. You sit back on the bed, legs spread. I slowly crawl between your thighs, lowering my head to your sticky crotch. You love watching the way my ass wiggles when I crawl. I keep it high in the air, knowing that my hips will undulate with pleasure as I suck you into my watering mouth. You can see my still soaking, swollen pussy lips in the mirror. I push you gently onto your back. I slowly slide the tip of my tongue over your head, tasting my pussy juice there, before gliding down the length of you. I gently flick your balls with the tip of my tongue, tasting your sweat mingled with my juices. Hungrily I suck one into my mouth, moaning softly. You groan, as I move my attention to the other. Your balls are hard and pulled tight against your body. I know that you will cum soon. 

Eager for you, I move up, taking you into my mouth, sucking hard, moving my head up and down. As I draw you out, I swirl my tongue around your head. I use my hands to gently tug your balls and then to firmly rub the shaft of your cock as I focus my attention on the sensitive head. You are pushing your hips up off of the bed, moaning with pleasure. I rub and suck harder, loving the taste of you on my tongue. Suddenly your hips begin to jerk and I pull back a bit so I can fully taste the first shot of your cum. I suck greedily, hungry for the thick strands. I moan, as you unload shot after shot in to my hot wet mouth. I swallow deeply. As you lay limp, I continue to suck and lick softly, wanting every drop. When there is none left, when you are dry, I rest my head on your thigh, lazily teasing your balls with my fingers. You reach down, caressing my face and hair, before pulling me to you, kissing me deeply. 

You ease me onto my back, stroking my body. I am open to you, and you begin to lick and kiss my heated skin, making a slow path down my body. You are kneading and rubbing me, worshiping me with you hands, your mouth, your tongue, and your teeth. You make your way to my breasts, to my nipples, sucking them gently, then harder. I moan and arch into your hot mouth. 

Your lips resume their southern path, your hands stroking and caressing me. I open my thighs, and my hips press upward against my will. My eyes are closed and I am smiling. The pleasure you give me is powerful, deep, intense. I want you. 

You find your way to the tops of my thighs, breathing in the scent of my arousal. It intoxicates you and you delve into me, unable to wait, unable to prolong the experience. You taste me, touch me. I moan as you lick and nibble my clit, thrust my hips up as your tongue plunges into my dripping tunnel. You drink my juices as if they were the essence of life, tonguing and licking, sucking my swollen flesh into your mouth. 

I am writhing beneath your mouth, rapture closing in on me. I am rubbing my breasts and nipples, thighs spread wide. I open my eyes, and see myself in the mirror, the delight on my face, my body moving snake like, your head between my thighs. I open wider, running my hands over my skin, through your hair, watching us, hypnotized by the beauty of our act. I feel myself beginning to cum and I want to see myself, want to see my face, my eyes, as ecstasy takes me. 

My eyes widen, my lips part as I pant and cry out. My hands grasp my thighs, nails digging in, spreading myself wider. My hips thrust upward, as my drenched pussy trembles and pulses. I surrender to it, allowing myself to be carried away as pleasure courses through my body, blazing a fiery path from the soles of my feet, to the palms of my hands, to the top of my head. I am open, elated, elevated. 

As I reach completion, I feel enthralled, but powerful. I stretch languidly, like a great cat, purring. You are resting your head on my stomach, looking at me, with your hands on my lower back. I see hunger in your eyes. 

You move up, over me, resting with your arms over my head. Your lips assault mine as you slide into my warm pussy. As we move together, I wrap my arms and legs around you, holding you close. You press into me and I rise to meet you, like the ocean meets the shore. I am looking into your eyes and I see you clearly, your need and your want. Over and over we rock together, and you begin to kiss me again. 

Your hands move to caress my body as you drive into me again and again. I stroke your back, kneading your muscles, scratching lightly. When our bodies meet, we gasp and moan into each others mouths. 

Your hands slide under my shoulders, up through my hair and you grip me tightly. We are trembling together and I feel another orgasm rising from deep inside of me. I grind my hips into you and you quicken your thrusts, pushing us toward the height of bliss. I erupt against you, the world around me becomes a haze and I only know the pressure of your body against mine, the feel of your hard cock entering me again and again. The depth of my delight stuns me and I feel as though I am trying to push you out and pull you in simultaneously. I am keening with the joy of it. 

You press your face into my neck and I hear you groan and gasp, I feel your shaft jump inside of me, the eruption of your thick cum deep inside of me. I cling to you, as we descend the mountain together, until we lay pressed together, you softening deep inside of me. We kiss passionately, then softly, as we roll onto our sides, face to face. 

Your smile is the last thing I see as I drift off into perfect sleep.



Mojave Road



Happy San Diego Safari

Susie: "What did you pack for snacks?"

David: "What snacks? Do you want me to pull over at the next gas station?"

Susie: "Well, I am not really hungry right now. I just thought."

The washed out San Diego freeway passed them. There was the nuclear reactor San Onofre that heated the ocean water for the sharks. The shrubs next to the road were half dried out. The air slapped inside of the car through the open windows. The blue Pacific always looked great. The dash board was a dark blue and a bit dried out. James was wearing sandals, shorts, and a t-shirt. Susie held a blanket in her arms, the map with directions. She had a flowing dress, straw hat, and cute shoes. Her purse at her feet contained the usual snacks as well as sunscreen, sun block lip balm, and a field guide book for animals.

"We like to keep the lions on the windward side of the park. So, all the vegetarian animals get their scent. It keeps them alert and more active", Announced the tour guide in front of the train. Susie inhaled deeply to smell the lions. David looked down to the giraffes, who were being passed by a truck with other visitors standing on the back: "That'd be a lot of fun."

Susie: "Oh, we have a much better overview from down here."

After the train ride, they strolled around. Susie looked through a meshed fence inside an exhibit. There was a lot of green overgrowth. After a while, she looked at David and moved on. David had his hands in his pockets and followed her. She wrapped her arm around David's elbow and smiled a bit. A familiar crossway came up.

David: "We have pretty much covered this area."

Susie: "um"

David: "Let's see, if we can get on one of those trucks."

David: "It requires months advance reservation? But, there is one place left, because someone just called to cancel? It is twenty minutes to get around?"

David: "You didn't seem to care much for the truck ride anyway. Why don't you give Kate a call and tell her about the park?"

Susie: "David!?"

David: "C'mon, it's the one chance. Let me go."

Susie: "Alright."

The sun had gone down, when David stopped in front of her apartment.

David: "Thanks for letting me get on the truck. We'll watch a chick flick movie in exchange next weekend."

Susie: "Thank you for the ride. Have a good night."

Once he parked his car at home, his cell phone vibrated with a message: "It was nice knowing you. You can pick up your stuff from Kate."

Corn Chowder

The late afternoon sun at its lowered angle shined cheerily through the window on the cutting board. A pile of basil was in the left corner. A pile of diced Yukon potatoes was neatly placed to the right corner. A stalk of leek was held down with the left hand, the fingers curled under. The knuckles guided the chef knife that came down in a fast and rhythmic chop. The oil in the pot behind Kate started to hiss a little bit as the vapor of hot oil moved into her nose. The smell blended with the scent of fresh, sweet roasting corn in the oven.

She looked over at the dining tables, who were surrounded by two palm trees and a ficus, who all happily soaked up the golden afternoon sunlight. The lazy European coffee house chairs were arranged around the table with formal white table clothes and softly blue placemats. She had learned from the Internet to fold the napkins neatly with the utensils stuffed in. She had placed her utensil set at the chair closest to the kitchen. His utensil set was placed at the most conveniently placed chair.

The phone rang. She quickly pushed the pot with the slightly smoking oil off the hot burner. Two rings to go before the voice mail would pick up. She sprinted to her desk, grabbed the cell phone and flipped it open to yelp her name.

"Susie. (pause) Susie! Oh my god! I am so sorry, I forgot! Let me come over right now."

"You got a cab? Oh, I am so glad you thought of it. Let me give you the cab money back. Do you need a pickup? Where are you now?"

"You are already back home. Are you upset at me?"

"Did the doctor give you any good news?"

"That sucks. Do you want to come over? James is coming over. I am making corn chowder."

"No, you wouldn't be a bother. We would both like to cheer you up, if we could."

"All right, take good care!"

Kate took a look at her cluttered bathroom. At the sight of her dirty pant and bra on the chair, she closed the door firmly. She took another look at herself in the mirror and went back to cooking.

The next moment she remembered, she was sitting upright at the table. Her legs were neatly placed next to each other. The napkin was on her lap. She tried to a spoonful. Happiness radiated over her face. She looked at James, who was busy getting a candy gift out of his pocket.

James: "It is Canadian chocolate -- not special, yet still a nice change. Plus, it is made to blend well with pot."

Kate: "How nice of you! We can have it for dessert."

Kate: "You used to live for a month on a research fishing boat."

James: "Yeah, that was a great gig. The fish we were observing have never been seen to lay eggs. So, we spent a month following the fish. Someone had to stay in the ship, while the other two went down diving. So, it was pretty much hanging out. Except for the weekends, because we were so remote we could organize rave parties on somewhat remote islands. Peeps from Victoria would come out and it was a lot of fun."

Kate: "Are you high?"

James: "Are my eyes red? They get dehydrated. Let me put some eye drops in."

Kate: "Oh, did I set the heating too high to dry out the room?"

James: "No, it's me. Don't worry about it."

Kate: "Were there drugs at those raves?"

James: "Maybe, some, probably."

Kate: "How do you like the soup?"

James: "Oh, it is delicious. Cooking is a very self nurturing thing to do. That's great."

Kate: "Did you really study bondage in a class?"

James: "That was an awesome class. It wasn't necessarily a college. In SF, there was this meeting place with a few tables. The instructor was a rather plain looking guy. He looked like a cross between a rural gas attendant and a pot bellied chef. Some of the best people in the scene have unlikely bodies. Ones you get the basics knots, patterns, and safety instruction, there are so many options."

Kate: "Did you get tied down as well?"

James: "Oh, yeah. It actually feels really nice. They tell you to go limp. Don't move on your own. Let yourself be moved. It sets you in a trance, where you feel like a post package. The skin gets so sensitive from that and goose bumps rise. Like the instructor said, people really enjoy being handled."

Kate: "Did you partner with a girl or a guy."

James: "It was a guy. It felt awkward at first. However, there is a kind of manly feel to open up to a man. It is easy to open up to a girl for me. They feel so warm and soft. Yet, a man is kind of rough, strong, and stoic. It can feel nice as well. However, it is a fine line of guilt between feeling uncomfortable and enjoying it. Are you into it?"

Kate: "Well, it is interesting to hear, not that I experimented with that."

James: "What kind of parties do you like to go to?"

Kate: "I haven't been out in a while. Work, you know."

James: "Hold on I got a phone call."

James: "What happened?"

James: "Is she still bleeding?"

James: "Did you call 911?"

James: "Oh, the hospital let her home already? Would she want us to come or rather not come?"

James: "Okay, I'll check in tomorrow."

James to Kate: "Susie attempted suicide."

Mojave Road

Chapter 0

Sweat formed a film around her face to which her long unkempt hair clenched. Kate was squatting on the dirt littered with little stones and pieces of dried out desert plants. Her left hand was pushing against the ground behind her, carefully avoiding the painful little stones. Her pants were down at her ankles, while the bottom of her t-shirt stuck in between her teeth. A little depression and a desert gray shrub provided her with surprising privacy in the flat landscape with the waiting Jeep that contained David.

She peered over her snatch to aim her butt over the little fox hole that she had dug out. A small fluid mass of brown shot out of her asshole. Her face eased some of the tension. Paleness left a bit. She struggled forward and up dancing her feet cautiously around the shit hole. Her butt stuck out away from her ankles with the jeans as she wiped front to back with the roll of toilet paper that was half covered in dust. She placed the soiled toilet paper carefully into the hole. A bit of wind required her to push the loose paper into the hole with a stick. As she wiped hair and sweat out of her face with the back of her hand, she got ready to light a storm proof match and drop it into the hole.

Chapter 1

The rabbit ran a fast hook in the soft desert sand. It disappeared behind the low shrubs with small fresh green leaves. Only the memory of a fat rabbit with nice fur was left in what should have been a desolate wash. The shrubs were green, alive, and as tall as the Jeep. All the windows were pulled down. The sun was shining through the open top with only the rollbars above them. The tires sunk into the sand and left a clear trail.

Kate had the guide book on her lap and was counting tenth of miles to navigate the way through the winding pathways in the shrubs. She threw a puzzled look at David, who immediately slammed on the brakes, looked over the left shoulder. There was an opening in the shrubbery with small plants flowers and uneven piles of dirt. The right turn was a little back to the left. He smiled happily and his eyes grew as he started backing up the car into the off road world. The adventure had begun.

Every turn was an adventure. Would there be a bird, a rabbit, a sharp turn, a sand pit? The next turn brought the tallest hill that they had yet seen in the flat land. It invited to be climbed. Kate needed to pee. David relished leaving the Jeep middle in the road as probably nobody would come by for a long time. A round and red cactus with many spikes wanted to be observed on the ground. It is really rare for city folks to see a cactus outside of a pot, in the place where cacti came from originally.

David pulled down his zipper. Kate searched for a bit of cover behind the hill. As she returned, she waved David to join her on the hill. Kate had long curly, very dark brown hair. She loved wearing jeans with loose threads hanging off of it and a bright orange t-shirt that showed her athletic torso and also contoured nicely with her boobs. She was wearing two heavy metal rings that she had picked up in a local store on a trip to SF. Her sun glasses were elegant and functional.

David came running up the hill like a puppy. He had long ago discarded his shirt and was wearing his surfer shorts and running shoes. He had a long scar on his right shoulder from a bicycle accident as a teenager. His parents hadn't checked his bike and a screw had fallen off leading to an accident. ER could fix it all.

He looked in all four directions, turned to go back to the car, and glanced at Kate. Kate shared how wonderful the air felt and free it was to be far beyond people. With that, she put her arm on the back of David for the first time. David: "Yeah, awesome, let's go and see more of it." Kate didn't move and said, how happy she was to be out. David walked away from her arm and said, "don't be a sentimental pain. You can always look at scenery. We rented that Jeep for this weekend. Let's use it!"

Kate didn't move. Her arm fell down to her side.

David: "Sometimes, I wish that you were more action oriented, more of a tomboy. Though, it is probably good that you are different, because you have something else to offer. Maybe, you are a good cook. (pause) I mean no offense. That was a cliché."

Kate slowly followed David down the hill, careful not to slip on the steep dirt slope.

David: "People are just very different. You couldn't imagine, how much Susie depended on getting that ride to the doctor's office last week? I found her crying on the phone. She couldn't even think enough for herself to simply call a cab."

"Kate?" But, Kate kept walking. She kept walking in a straight line towards some destination towards the mountains. David stood there. He looked. He looked inside of himself. Then, he walked to the car and fished for a CD in the CD booklet. He put his feet on the side mirror of the opened car door and listened to "Rage Against the Machine."

Chapter 2

The exciting wash had given way to a barren and flat desert with dried up looking plants. The last rays of the day were chasing over the desert. Beyond the 395 was a mountain range with Fort Piute waiting for them. David gunned the car across the rocks with a redneck style delicate balance between getting there before sunset and having their gear not fly up too high, when he hit a large rock or ravine. His head was slightly moved over to Kate to avoid being smashed against the rollbar with the shaking of the car.

Kate smiled at his leaning over to her: "Now that you are offering me your ear. I want to be closer to you and would like to share something more risky and vulnerable."

"Sure, go ahead princess", David said with a smile of smugness and not peeling his eye away from the upcoming road for a second. He kept scanning for rocks that could hit the oil pan or pot holes that could break an axle. It was like a computer game to him, only much much better.

Kate: "Earlier you got mad and yelled at me."

David: "So what, you want to hear sorry?"

Kate: "I want to tell you that it frightened me, because I didn't know, what you were going to do?"

David: "Just strong talk. Words can't hurt you."

Kate: "It seemed like there was more to it. I saw your face."

David: "Maybe, it wasn't you. Maybe, the week had a lot of pressure for me."

Kate: "I figured that there was more to it. What's going on at work?"

David: "Do you want to drive? You seem mighty bored."

Kate was silent. She looked down at her pants. Her finger twisted around a string hanging from her jeans. She looked out at the rock and dirt, which had lost its sparkle in the diminishing light of dawn.

Kate: "You are an asshole. I try to talk about the issue. And, you avoid it. How are we going to share a tent like that?"

David: "I liked the idea of company on this trip. I shouldn't have picked a woman."

The cell rang and Kate picked it out of her purse.

Kate: "David is a jerk." "Can you pick me up?" "No, he hasn't done anything. I'd rather not experience that happening." "He wants to talk to you."

David: "Hey buddy, what's up?" "Everything is cool. She is being a female. She probably has PMS or hasn't had food in a while." "Yeah, I'll feed her. Check back in a few."

Kate gloated at David. Her whole body was turned over to him. He slowed down, didn't stop, and reached behind her seat, searching through the grocery bags. He dropped the bottle of orange juice on her lap. She kept gloating at him. He got himself a bottle of orange juice. When he started slugging it down, she looked ahead at the windshield again. The orange juice left dark spots on her jeans from the desert air condensating on the cool juice bottle.

She remembered the long drive over the 10, then the 15 along the desert with the stop at the quirky gas station with the garden and mini-zoo, where the gas prices were jacked up, and a bus load of tourist clicked their cameras happily. She remembered the wind flapping at the fabric of the Jeep. She remembered the radio being turned up to overpower the noise. She remembered her lunch at home a long time ago. She drank half of the bottle of orange juice and decided to throw the closed bottle at David's chest.

Chapter 3

David looked at the high grass at the bottom of the cliff, where a creek was gurgling very happily. Didn't the national park web site say to avoid camping near water to allow the wildlife access? The small dirt parking lot was definitely the camp site according to the directions. He opened the soft top zipper on the back of the Jeep and his dry skin cracked. He pressed his finger for a moment and then kept fumbling in the bag in the trunk for the sponge and degradable soap. He closed the zipper, washed the dishes, opened the zipper again, stowed the sponge and soap. He looked pissed and opened the zipper again, while pressing a tissue down on his bleeding finger to find water to rinse his bowl. A tear surprised him on the edge of his eyes and he formed a fist.

Kate couldn't see him and called over in a more chirpy voice: "That's one of my two talents: setting up a tent. It is all ready with air mats inflated, sleeping bags unrolled, and a midnight snack tucked next to the pillow."

David was quiet right away. The birds and insects kept singing on even louder after the sun had set. A light wind was blowing down the mountain. The hair on his head was close to hers. He was a lot bigger then her. He smelled quite a bit. Who wouldn't after a day of desert perspiration? He was rolled into his sleeping bag. There wasn't much to see. She looked anyway.

The wind picked up and invaded her dream. She dreamed that she was in a dust storm with snow rovers chasing across the desert. She was sitting there as they passed her left and right. The tent wouldn't fly away with the two bodies as a dead weight inside. 

Chapter 4

She held the cup under her butt. The morning was still hazy. The stream made that water running sound as it collected. She pulled away the cup to let the rest of her urine run onto the dry ground, where it quickly created a lake that would run to her right foot, which she moved out of the way without spraying the urine stream too much during her shift.

It was only a few steps to get back to the tent. She hadn't had to worry about David being already up and seeing her. She unzipped the door, left it open, leaned forward and poured the quarter cup of urine over David's face. David twitched. He opened his eyes slowly. Kate swiftly and smoothly moved out, ran a few steps to the Jeep and observed the tent.

After a moment of silence, David came out. The hair above his face was a bit wet. There were some drops on his t-shirt. The bottom of his t-shirt was riding slightly high on his belly showing his gut and was somewhere else tugged into his pants. He stood there for a moment. Then, he pulled down his sweat pants, reached for his penis, and peed straight at her. She jumped up and back and stopped within a few feet. David let the stream run out. Then, he looked for a water jug and splashed himself. Kate searched in her bag for another jeans.

They both find their own breakfast in the grocery bags.

Kate: "David, this is maybe a lot of information. I am looking for a boy friend very hard. And, I had hoped that going with a guy on a weekend trip could have been something."

David looked up at her: "I have been in the dating pool for a while. And, right now neither my job nor my love life seems to be going anywhere. Somewhere, I had dreamed a happy dream about this weekend. Then, I decided that it is probably not going to happen anyway. And, I better focus on enjoying the trip itself."

Kate: "I miss so much to get a hug, feel warm and safe. I feel alone by myself. I wish there were someone, who could take me to that sanctuary of comfort."

David: "The desert can mess with you, especially your mind. Why would Jesus get high in the desert for 40 days, if there wasn't anything trippy happening?"

Chapter 5

David: "Susie broke up with me, because I wouldn't take enough care of her."

Kate: "What do you mean?"

David: "She complained that I'd never offer her anything to drink, eat, or inquire, if she were cold or hot. I don't know, wouldn't she tell me, if she'd need anything?"




Mojave Road



Kate: "You gave me the OJ yesterday. I might have been a bit dehydrated."

David: "It is not just a one time thing. The girl before her said something similar. I think, when my ma came home, she always shooed me away, because she didn't like to be overwhelmed. My dad was either at work or behind a closed door in his wood working room."

Kate: "Are you saying that your parents weren't there for you?"

David: "Maybe, they were. Though, I wish I'd remember it more. All I remember is lying in the ER after the pedals of my bicycle fell off. The doctor yelled at them for not maintaining my bike better."

Kate: "Aren't you a bit rough on your parents?"

David stepped gently on the gas again. Yep, the tires were spinning. He put the reverse in. The tires were able to dig themselves out backwards. He backed up the mound behind them, settled in drive again, switched on the low four wheel gear, accelerated swiftly, and strode through the sand pit.

David: "I mean, it is a big problem. It just slips me to remember to take care of someone else. I think a lot of people avoid me a bit, because of it."

Kate: "Did you try therapy? Psychologists are there for that."

David: "You think so?"

Kate: "Obviously, you have some serious issues from the way that you behaved yesterday. And, maybe your parents did fuck you up. I don't know you enough."

David: "Do you know someone good?"

Kate: "Of course not. Do you think I'm a whack job that needs that?"

David: "I don't feel very good about you suggesting therapy to me in one sentence and then talking down about it. It is kind of an insult that you fling here."

Kate: "You are feeling mighty sensitive today. Let me call your friend to tell him that you have PMS."

David: "Why are you fighting? We have been at it since yesterday?"

Kate: "You are weird. Can't you be friendly, put on some music, tell me something about your job? I am here to relax."

David: "What do you want to listen to? We got trance, Buddha Bar, Stephanie Pompougnac..."

Kate: "Let me look... 'George is On'"

Radio: "No stopping for nicotine."

Chapter 6

Rotten and rusted engine parts, seats und unrecognizable rubbish piled in front of the relic bus like vomited out of the bus innards. The spirit of the hippie decade was still present. Probably, a happy hippie herd had come out to this remote desert to get high on drugs and love and left the bus behind. A few bullets holes marked a younger generation of rednecks passing their time with beer instead of weed and shooting bullets instead of cum.

The sun of high noon was brooding over the two. The local insects made a high pitched hypnotic sound that sounded like an alert tone of a sci-fi movie. Kate was gnawing on an apple. David was peeling an orange into a plastic bag. David said "Hey, bitch" with a warm smile. Kate laughed back: "Hey cocksucker."

David: "You know, how eating orange after brushing your teeth tastes totally yucky. The aftertaste just doesn't mix."

Kate: "Oh, yeah!"

David: "You should try some orange with the after taste of your apple." He licked his lips and moved them close to hers and waited.

She went for a sloppy kiss. Her lips went around his lips. She sucked a little bit and then slid her lip in between his lips, where his tongue had been waiting. He embraced her, while extending his hands holding the dripping orange away from her clothes. Her hands instinctively went up his back under his t-shirt. He dropped the orange and the bag to wipe his hands on his surfer shorts and gently parked them under her t-shirt to wait, if she would reject his advance.

His hands moved further up to feel her bra. Her bra had a smooth seam running around the bottom. He passed over her bra to feel the soft and smooth textile. She straddled him with her legs and he felt emboldened to slid his fingers under her bra to explore the delicate skin of her boob and go further to feel her nipples.

They went on in a trance for a bit without moving to the next stage. Kate broke the embrace, backed up a little bit and gently bit his erect member through his shorts. He smiled. She waved him to get back to the Jeep and drive on.

Chapter 7

David: "Don't worry, I'll get that for you."

Kate: "You know the dinner that you made was quite tasty. You should have cooked earlier on our trip already."

David started unzipping the Jeep bag to get the bio degradable dish soap and sponge. This time, he remembered to leave the zipper open, until he was done.

David: "Kate, I'd like to ask you for a favor. Could you help me learn to take care of people. I mean, just tell me what to do, so I at least know, what I should do."

Kate: "So you are my slave?"

David: "Not like that!"

Kate: "You could start by washing my jeans that you peed on."

David: "Allright, but I better get some more of those kisses."

Kate: "Shut up slave."

David: "C'mon, I am being vulnerable."

Kate: "C'mon, I am trying to have fun or do you want me to give you some clinical instruction?"

David sighed and went for her backpack of clothes. There was a cute multi-colored striped panty folded on the side. At least the trip had some benefits. He reached down in the bag to grab the plastic bag of dirty laundry. His fingers felt the square plastic with a soft ring inside, condoms. Yeah, the plastic bag did reek a bit of heavy yellow morning urine that had been allowed to brew over through a hot day. He got a jug of water and washed it down a bit.

Kate: "Next you could put some lotion on my feet. The dry dust of this region is pretty bad on feet and dries them out."

He placed a half clean towel on his lap, grabbed for the jug of water next to him, and splashed it on her bare foot. The layer of light brown dust rinsed of. He dried her foot, particularly in between her toes. It was a lovely foot with a nice arc. The toes looked plumb and juicy. Her toe nails were painted in a glossy green with a yellow line diagonally across them. They smelled quite clean and fresh. He took the lotion that had been balancing on her thigh. It made the feet nice and moist. She asked for a roll of clean socks from her bag of clothes. He greeted the condoms in passing and rolled her socks up her refreshed feet.

Kate: "You know, the ride was kind of rough and shaking today. Would you mind giving my neck a rub? You'd get an A+ in care taking?"

He swallowed his objection for being taken advantage, because he liked to get his hands on her body. She was sitting on a round white rock in front of the tent. He moved around her back. He placed his fingers on her clavicle and worked his thumbs into the back of her neck. Then he rolled her upper arms like plaido snakes between his flat hands. She sighed deeply and asked him to continue in the tent, so that she could lie down and fully enjoy his gift. He worked his fists down her back in compressions as she went limp like a ragdoll.

In a very cozy hushed voice, with barely opening her eyes, turning a bit around to him, she told him to put it in. He was dumbfounded at first. When she told him that there were condoms in his back, he was sure that he had heard her right. He got up right away to get the condoms and was back without missing a beat.

He hugged her butt with his chest, while both arms crawled under her body, to search for the jeans button and zipper. Then, he slid his hands around the top of her waste to feel the skin that had been stuck to the jeans, and was now sensitive to his touch. Then, he slid her jeans down to her mid hamstring. He pulled on the condom, while feeling it nice and snuck. The snuckness made him a bit harder. He played with the her vulva a bit, moving the dickhead up and down her vulva from the clitoris to the entrance of her vagina. He adjusted his hands to cup her boobs and he went in with a gently forceful swiftness. The Kama Sutra says that the boy has to be hurt a little bit.

She said that her vagina had been turned or something like that and it made her a lot more pleasurable to receive a man from behind. He humped her, while his mouth sunk into her neck, byting, suckling, licking with the tongue, like a dog that wrapped his jaw around an arm. He tried to work as much skin of her body as possible.

She was laying there, pushing her butt up and into him, moaning softly. He warned that he was close to coming. She kept on moaning. He came. She urged him to go on. Her moans drove him nuts and he kept going, no matter, if he had a limp dick or not. He couldn't quite feel his dick that well. He kept going like it was a once in a lifetime chance.

She arched her butt up and got on her knees. He kept going at it. He was sweating a bit. He realized that she liked humping and took up the pace. She kept moaning. He kept humping. He loved it. She got on her feet with her face down on the ground in a quasi downward dog. He stayed on top of her hugging her, sweating, humping, spurred on by her moans and nastiness of the situation.

She came. He came. They lay down. He used a tissue paper to dispose the used rubber. They fell asleep in a deep sleep. They woke up, when the stars were up and went back to last nights sleeping position. He looked at her for a moment and gave her a good night kiss on her shoulder and followed her into dream land.

Chapter 8

Kate rolled onto David's sight. David wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in close.

Kate: "My dad's in the hospital."

David: "Wow, what happened."

Kate: "He likes to joke that he doesn't have a problem with alcohol, only without. He was drunk recently and smashed in a mirror. Apparently, he couldn't stand his own face. One of the glass pieces went deep into his flesh and caused an infection. His going into surgery on Monday and may get his hand amputated. It's not the first time that something happened because of his alcohol habit."

David: "I am sorry to hear that. Can I do something to make you feel better?"

A tear ran down her face.

Kate: "It is so hard to deal with this. One day he is friendly. The next day he yells at me. He ends up at the doctors and a weak later an empty vodka bottle is in the trash. I want to be his friend. He smiles at me. I smile again and he tells me that I did something wrong. I can't take his yelling. He yells at me, until I ran away crying."

Kate broke out into uncontrollable sobbing. David embraced and held her body with a dazed face. She fell asleep a while later. He smelled her hair. It smelled a bit like a kind of spice. It was a bit dirty and unkempt from the roughing in the desert. Her breath was deep and even, like a child. The morning sun greeted the tent. The air that streamed in still had the unique feel of desert morning air. Kate became a special word.

They spent the rest of the day crossing Pyramid Lake. Then, they got stuck in pit with deep and loose sand right after it. They aired down the tires until they Jeep moved again. She took over the steering wheel and had a heck of a lot fun crossing the OHV area with dunes. There was a water crossing as well. And, a railway dam, where they chases along a freight train. Eventually, they ended up in the Afton Canyon camp site after a nice day.

Chapter 9

Kate put her hand on David's thigh.

Kate: "You are a great guy. Sex was good. I like you. I just don't have any romantic feelings for you. Let's be friends."

David: "This morning, when I held you in my arm, I didn't want it to stop. I felt so complete. My job is so hard. And, I felt like I was in that sanctuary, where I'd get respite. I had been looking for a long time to feel like that."

Kate: "Please, don't make it hard. Let's be friends."

David: "We are locked in. That barbed wire goes as far as I can see. Our tank has been on empty for 6 miles. Those were six miles in gas guzzling 4WD low through heavy and deep sand. I don't think we can make it back. Did you see that old SUV with removed tires and smashed windshield stuck out there?"

The freeway with the trucks moving was in plain sight. He took a knife and was able to pry the barbed wire open, so that they could make it out. After crossing rail road tracks again, they made it on the freeway. They were both busy dreaming about what they would do as soon as they'd get back.

Opaque

A salad fork scratched over an appetizer plate. The plob of piercing it was missing.

Kate: "The last piece of salad just won't want to come on."

Susie: "It's probably not the last piece of salad. I noticed a lot was pushed to the edge of my plate."

Kate hesitated and then reached for the plate. She felt the cool liquid that passed for the dressing and found the pile of salad. Then, she searched for the napkin in her lap with the other hand and wiped the dressing on it.

Kate: "You were right. So, how is your class going?"

Susie: "It's alright. People are nice."

A waiter touched Kate's shoulder to signal her that he was going to take the plate away. Kate leaned forward to smell the freshly delivered chicken. Suddenly, she jerked and duck. A knife fell to the ground. The metal on concrete sound stopped the discussions on the nearby tables.

Susie: "What happened?"

Kate: "Oh, I still got those twitches in the dark."

Kate: "Didn't you work on a presentation for class last time and couldn't join us on the desert trip because of it?"

Susie: "Oh, that, the teacher went over time and it was canceled."

Kate: "That must have been disappointing. You could have come with us."

Susie: "It's alright. It wasn't a good presentation anyway."

Kate carefully felt her way along the chicken with her fork, until she came to the end of it. She moved the fork a little bit back and with ever gentle thrusts sawed down the chicken. After a byte, she asked Susie: "How is the chicken."

Dinners at the next table cloncked glasses on the table, utensils were making their tapping sounds.

Kate: "Are you crying?"

A napkin moved in Susie's direction. Susie: "No"

Kate: "I feel very bad about the other day, when I forgot to give you a ride to the doctor. Especially, when James got the call of your..."

Susie: "I already told you that I got a cab and you already offered to pay for this dinner to make up. And, it was an accident with a knife. I was cooking. I'm not a psycho."

Kate: "You are not a psycho. Maybe, you want to talk. At least, you could have made me pay by ordering some wine on my expense."

Susie: "I am not desperate to have someone to cry my shoulder out on about my sucky life."

Kate's hand padded on the appetizer rolls, then on Susie's glass of water to finally find Susie's lap.

Susie: "I probably have all kinds of food leftover there. You don't want to touch me."

Kate's hand went back into her own territory.

Susie: "I need help."

Kate: "What's been bothering you?"

Susie's glass clicked as it left the table. Susie gurgled on it. Finally, the glass clicked a little harder as it came back down.

Susie: "Life is just stressful. For example, all these cars at the Whole Foods intersection at rush hour."

Kate: "Yes, that intersection can be quite dangerous. There are a lot of people gutter sniping as the cops call it, overtaking left turning cars on the road. That can cause a lot of accidents. It is good to be cautious there."

Susie: "No way is overtaking on the right illegal. You haven't read the California driver's handbook in a while. You forget to signal half the time."

Kate felt for the water jar, which she thought was left of her plate and five inches towards the center of the table.

Kate: "Is your chicken still not here?"

Susie: "I'm not hungry anyway."

Kate: "If you would kill yourself, we'd all be very sad, James and David as well."

Susie: "Really? Why?"

Kate: "How could you even ask! You are a special person."

Susie: "That's what I thought as special as all the other billion assholes."

Kate: "You are funny. You are always well prepared."

Susie: "When did someone laugh at my joke? And, being prepared is what is expected of everyone."

Kate: "David thinks that you are cute."

Susie: "He doesn't even look at me. He is only talking to me, because he wants to get it going on with you."

Kate: "Well, last weekend, I made pretty clear that I didn't want more then friendship."

Susie: "Why? He is one of those hot guys."

Kate: "We just don't have the right chemistry."

Waiter: "I hope you enjoyed dinner. Let me have your hand to guide you out."

Kate: "Her chicken didn't come."

Waiter: "Oh really?"

Susie: "Don't worry about it."

Waiter: "Okay"

Waiter: "I'll get your right hand and put it on her shoulder. Then, I'll get your hand and put it on my shoulder. You probably want to close your eyes. The light can be a bit blinding."

The group of three walked out in single file. Kate and Susie stood there blinking their eyes, while the blind waiter handed the cashier the check and excused himself again for the problem with the order.

Inner Tubing Down the Kern

David hugged the pillow that he was lying on. The hot sleeping bag had been pushed down to his feet with the pile of their belongings. There was shoddily washed pot that still had a bit of rice left over from last night. The pee bottle was half filled from the night. The hiking boots were still wet from crossing over the creek into Limestone, their camp site. Their swimming trunks had been placed on top of the pile of useful things like a water purifier and a still unused roll of toilet paper. The less useful things had been stuffed into a side pocket, which was full of James' trinkets from the Burning Man festival. Actually, the whole tent was still covered in the Playa dust from there. It had its dry, caustic smell that provided good dreams.

Eventually, the relentless morning sun had pushed the two out of the tent: 95 degrees in the shade, a lot more inside of the tent. The open air and slight wind was refreshing them once they stepped out. They mutually agreed that food bars constitutes the breakfast that exuded the maximum permissible amount of effort. And, they hopped into the inner tubes with their trunks.

The water quickly lost its cold after the waves in the river doused them head over. James held onto David's arm just before a narrow chute plunged him down three feet. The chute water stream hit the pond, it pushed underground and pulled the water with it, creating an up current that kept them stuck. They waved hard with both arms, until David got out and pushed his tube and James clinging onto it forward.

David let the way backwards. His tube suddenly dipped down and up on a wave. James steadied him at the last moment from capsizing. The Kern River widened for a bit and slowed down. They kicked back and looked up at the still snow capped high mountains of the Sierra Nevada.

James looked over to David. David's arm had little pearls of water hesitating around raised hairs with slight goose bumps. Once in a while, one would roll down and take all the other droplets in its path with it. The sun shone on the arm and had in previous weeks already tanned it. The shoulder clearly showed the deltoids bulging over the shoulder and converging down the arm to the middle outside of the upper arm. His hands had long fingers with refined contours.

James: "Have you ever wondered, how an old man at the Promenade or a bullying rental car guy would have sex? Have you ever wondered, how they would enjoy it? If they would open up a bit more in the depth of their sexual activity?"

David: "Hey, you are a deep thinker today!"

James: "Sometimes, there is a moment, when I look at another guy and I feel drawn to him. I want to touch his skin to feel, what it feels like. I want to make him come and observe in the moment of the loss of control just what his face would express."

David: "You are feeling awfully queer today!"

James: "Hey, you know, I pleasure myself dreaming about Kate."




Mojave Road



David: "I suspected. I didn't know. So you really want to know, what a guy feels like?"

James: "I feel awkward about it. Deep down, yes."

David reached over and placed his hand into James' crotch. James immediately squirmed and slid on his tube.

David: "Relax. A moment of panic is apparently the beginning of what it feels like for you."

James stopped moving and slowly went back to his old position with the legs and arms hanging outside of the tube. The river passed a few trees. A few bare rocks bumped the river into a curve. The sun dried their skin, the tubes, and their pants. The black tubes got hot and caused waves of goose bumps. James saw many swirly things in the blue sky. David's eyes were closed and rapidly moving like in a day dream.

David's tube bumped up and down in the water. David gribbed and squeazed Jame's dick. A new wave splashed melted snow water over them. Another rock in the white water, another chute. Somewhere in between the penis had been forgotten.

Coast Starlight

The game reached the tipping point as Susie took Boardwalk from James and immediately built a hotel on each blue property. Susie had was red from the heat of the game and puffy from being in doors playing for hours. Her right foot with a mildly smelling sock of colored pink and green clouds was resting next to James' butt. They had flipped the rail car seats of roomette into the bed to sprawl out comfortably. James looked out to the trees passing by. The picturesque coastline was long gone after San Francisco. The hotels on the game board looked a bit like the space launch complex at Vandenberg Air force early in the trip. His face looked a bit dull.

The monopoly game had been packed neatly and stuff back into the green backpack. James was leaning against the window, reading a book in his hand: "All Tomorrow's Parties" by William Gibson: "She moves quickly, her feet remembering, to where corroded aluminum rungs protrude form fist-sized blobs of super-epoxy." Susie's head leaned against James shoulder. Her book had long ago fallen down. A tear was edging its way to her eye lid. She smelled James' warm human body. His chest was raising steadily. When he turned a page, he paused his breath for a moment. Ever slightly, she could see James' heart beating as it lifted the t-shirt. Her shoulder had found a comfortable space behind his biceps resting against his rib cage to leave a little dent. Her upper arm felt his t-shirt with the crumbled t-shirt that had a few places, where it had been scrunched up. Her forearm felt his warm and rougher jeans. The trees and hills in front of her eyes blurred.

"Are you crying?" He carefully tucked his left arm a little closer around her, craned his neck around to see her face, while placing down the book that he was reading. He gently kissed her on the air at the front top of her head. Her breath suddenly sobbed ones as her right hand held onto his jeans. He pulled her a bit to giver her a full out and embrace her with his warms and envelop her. She let herself be moved like a heavy and passive sack of water.

James: "Do you want to feel more sadness?" "It's okay, I am here and would enjoy the opportunity to hold the space for you to be as sad or down as you want to." He brushed a hair out of her face and lovingly rubbed her ear.

Susie: "It sucks. It sucks so much. I can't take it anymore." Susie's body shuddered and her voice whined a bit. Her head borrowed deeper into James' chest.

James: "So, you are feeling very heavy and overwhelmed by the world. Let me know, if you want to go more into it or out of it anytime. I can help you. If you want more into it, why don't you crawl into a fetal position?"

Susie moved into a fetal position without lifting her body. As she arrived, a wave of sobbing and shaking overcame her.

James: "What do you see?"

Susie: "I see an empty and barren world. Everything is grey. There is nothing. It is dark dawn with no sun or moon or stars."

James: "I feel like supporting your head. Do you mind, if I put my thigh under it?"

Susie's shivering rolled out.

James: "What does it feel like to be in a barren and desolate place?"

Susie: "It is not even sad anymore. It is just empty. There is no hope, not even a point in crying."

Susie looked at the string hanging from the Amtrak bunk in front of her. James' heart was tearing open as he was sitting with her. A few dark clouds covered the sky and passed on. The Redding train station arrived. A Mexican vendor with freshly cut fruit was waving at the train. The train came to a stop.

James: "Come on, let's get moving and something to eat. There is a fruit stand outside."

James and Susie got out of the sleeper car. At the cars with the seats was a long line of people boarding. They stretched and walked over to the Mexican got a pineapple and a mango on the stick. When they turned around, the long line had disappeared. Without worry, they walked to the door of the observation car. The door was locked. They picked up the pace to the lounge car. The door was closed as well. The car to the first sleeper closed ride in front of them and the rail attendant disappeared before they could knock. The train hadn't blown its boarding whistle yet. Yet, everyone was gone. They ran to the next car. It was open. Susie's juicy Mango slipped of the stick. She caught it mid air. Her cheeks were rosy from the sprint. Her smile was bright and cheerful. Her pupils war dark and wide. Her blue iris shown radiantly as James caught the bliss in her face and paused to take it in.

A nap had caught them in a state between sleepiness and definitely far away from wakefulness. Her back was arching over his chest. His hand was under her bra. Her hand was fumbling her way through his shorts inside his jeans on the search for something good enjoying the journey a whole lot: a bit of wild pubic hair, the bubbly texture of the lymph nodes in his groin. A bit beneath the attachment of the hip abductors is a special point to increase circulation to the sex organs. She pressed on that and rubbed it. His other hand found its way into her sweats as well. His hand stayed outside her thin panty and pressed her vulva lips together as he the rhythmic pinching movement went up and down, until cupped her whole vulva and started moving it in circles with special pressure applied by the base of his hand against her pubic bone.

Her boobs were pressed flat against the not so cold anymore window. The window was wide and large and invited all the sun, birds, occasional dear, mountains, sky, bridges into their little roomette. Her hands held onto the rim on the op of the window. His mouth had sucked itself hard into her shoulder as he pumped her from behind. His nose had blown a circle of condensation next to her. Her butt was a bit sweaty and smacking into his groin with a little thud. His buttocks squeezed tight with each thrust forward and into her.

They hastily reached for the sheet to cover their naked bodies as the door slightly opened and they screamed 'later.' The conductor closed the door again and moved on. Susie turned around. Her small, soft, pink lips kissed James' red and full lips tenderly. James pulled her closer. Her smooth skin of boobs, belly, and thighs slide over his manly hairy body. He spanked her ass gently. And, then spanked her on her genital from behind. She squealed a bit into her kiss and let it go. She suddenly exhaled into his mouth. He inhaled her sweet breath. He exhaled his slightly musky breath. She inhaled it. She giggled loosing a quarter of the breath before she exhaled back into his waiting mouth. They both got a little lightheaded and laughed.

The numbing rattling of the train had taken ours of their journey. Hours meant nothing to the Coast Starlight, which had been dupped Coast Starlate for being routinely 5-11 hours late on the 34 hours voyage from Los Angeles to Seattle. Susie had taken to sitting on James' butt, who was reading on his belly with the head supported by his hands on his elbows: "The first prickings of the so-called stalker syndrome thought to eventually afflict every test subject ever dosed with 5-SB." Susie leaned forward over James' exposed neck, spouted her lips, and created a long wad of saliva that slowly stretched its way down to James' skin, who was startled and didn't react before it had been entirely deposited and was running down his spine in between the erector spinae muscles.

James found a cup of yogurt with one hand. Then, he bucked Susie off his back, flipped her around. She was struggling with her arms flying. He moved his butt over her and sat down on her chest with probably his dick and balls around her boobs. His strong arm pinned down her legs with his forearm. His index finger on the other hand placed a bit of cold yogurt around her belly button. She jumped up at the cold sensation, trying to push her up, while her belly sucked in with pleasure. He proceeded to lick the yogurt of her salty tasting skin from having spent the day and night without a shower. His tongue swirled around her innie. He tried for a bit to enter her body through the navel, until he went to playing suction with the sticky skin. He pulled down her sweats and panties and let a blob of cold yogurt flow its way from the clitoris down the outer vagina to her entrance. Then he started licking her. He enjoyed the way how her sweat and delicious aroma mixed with the yogurt. He went for more. However, the first time had taken off most of the surface excretion and left him tasting a lot more yogurt.

She reciprocated by pulling out his long one and swallowing it. They ravaged each other until increasing houses suggested them to speed up. He came in a nice puddle in between her boobs. He proceeded to licking his delicious nectar of her. Then she kissed him and licked his tongue to get a bit of the taste as well. They drew the curtain closed.

His face showed shock and terror, when she opened the door a little to peer out, while they were still in a state of undress with drying cum on her chest.

Susie: "There is nobody there. Come!"

She ran out the door and left it open for him. He hesitated little as his feet felt the dirty under his feet. Mindfully, he remembered to lock the roomette until he dashed for the shower room door that Susie held open for him. He quickly lurched in. They locked the doors and held each other close as their naked bodies clenched each other with both hearts pounding heart. Susie started the warm water in the small, austere plastic room with a milky window.

Warm water poured down his hair, over his face, down his neck. Her wet body was pressed against him with her back. He hugged her tight. His erect member was pressing against the small of her back. The light was off. The steam hang in the air. Susie's body shivered against his. They were sitting on a little plastic surface for disabled people. Susie was in a mind of her own, as her hand flicked over her clitoris fast. She was drawing in little gulps of air as she shivered in his arms. Her big dream had been to pleasure herself in the arms of an intend mate looking on.

With wet hair and fresh faces, they were sipping tea and cookies to make up on lost calories. Their luggage was neatly packed next to them as they were prepared to enter Seattle within 30 minutes.

Gym Time

A gray paper towel went over her wet face. Kate swiped the sweat pearls of her arms as well. Her top had dark water stains. Her sweats were dotted with big sweat drops. Her has was tight and held in place by the stretch sweats. Most women's ass looks good in that kind of pants. The sport bra strap on her back was visible through her top. She tossed the paper towel ball into the trash can and picked up some trash that had missed the trash can orifice by another gym dweller. She went back to her stationary bike with the disinfectant to wipe it down neatly.

James was waiting for her upstairs in the stretching area. Motioned her to lie down her back and stood over her head, so that she could grab onto his ankles. As she spiked her straight legs towards him, he would push them back down. She looked up at his shorts and ever wondered, if man got any indecent exposure with their baggy shorts like women did for wearing skirts and keeping their knees together. As far as she could see it only looked dark inside of the short sleeves. Knowing that she was focused on her exercise, he looked at her crotch. The stretch material left the clear outline of an unshaven mound. There was that little horizontal space in between her legs.

James: "You already did twenty."

Kate: "I need to work out harder." Kick "I can't stand what I see in the mirror."

James: "Once you settle with a guy, will you become a fat wife?"

Kate: "First we got a reel in a guy." Kick "Something isn't working with the bait." Kick "Gotta fix that before it is too late."

James: "One could think that your parents didn't appreciate and love you enough."

Kate: "Let's move to the side, she doesn't have any place."

Her loin rested on the bolster with her feet locked in place behind her. She raised up her face away from the floor high up into the air. James' crotch was right in front of her. He pretended to be looking at the mirror out into the gym. He was really looking at her ass through the mirror and searching for the panty line to figure out, if she was wearing a thong or panties.

Kate: "Does it hurt you that Susie hasn't called you in a week since your train ride?"

James: "On one hand, the weekend felt overwhelming and too much. So, I feel free and light to not hear from her. On the other side, yeah, it makes me feel under appreciated."

Kate: "I am sorry for you."

James: "Why would you? She cut our date short, do you remember?"

Kate: "That was really my fault. I did something awful to her."

James: "It wasn't you. It was her decision. It was her state that she was already in."

Kate: "As friends, we have a responsibility for our friends. Please, call her and don't wait for her."

Long Beach

Susie: "T.G. "Cowboy" Edwards stepped on the porch. His black skin was glistening in the sun. He was a head above the crowd. The Thai barkeep had followed him outside. He quickly noticed the towel in his hand and though of useful things to do with it. His eyes darted at a man approaching: 'If your fucking elephant shits in front of my place, I am going to teach you a Texas lynching.' The man immediately froze to the surprise of the elephant behind him, who almost ran him over... You are not paying attention!"

David: "Of course, I am not. We have a race to run. Why are you suddenly interested in running?"

Susie: "Oh, I can always try everything once. Plus, running seems to give you that great six pack of yours."

They had almost been treading in place as the large crowd that surrounded them with six-seven people on either side on the multi-laned street. Ahead and behind was a long line of people beyond visual sight. On the opposite side of the street behind the median with trees were already people coming back in their direction. The sun was still hiding and the air was still fresh. Occasionally a person would hold up a sign with their running team or someone had gas balloons attached to both shoulders. The guy holding up two American flags was a larger quirk, whom the announcer had pointed out at the start. The ladder of a fire engine had been raised above the crowd. Two happy fire fighters looked down on the ground. Further out enveloped in the morning mist were their buddies on a boat with the water guns shooting arches into the air as the white water stream fell down in the water.

David's watch beeped and they settled into a fast walk.

Susie: "So, how did you get started running?"

David: "A buddy asked me to join her training runs."

Susie: "Do you like her?"

David: "I haven't seen her in a while."

Susie: "I could give you a massage for recovery after the race."

David: "You will be way too tired."

Susie: "So what is our plan for the race, what should I expect?"

David: "There is nice scenery. People will thin out soon."

David's watch beeped again and they started running. A sole guy with a drum kit was cheering on a corner. The first hydration station came up at mile 3. Thousands of paper cups were spilled on the floor with many more waiting on the tables. At mile 5, she tried reaching for a cup, while running. A quarter swapped over her hands to the pavement. Another quarter splashed over her lips and face down the shirt. The last quarter spilled on the ground as she dropped the cup in socially sanctioned littering.

David's watch beeped again and they started walking.

David: "So, you and James had a big weekend trip to Seattle."

Susie: "It was fun. He is very sweet and caring, but I am looking for someone with more of a byte to it, who is more active and assertive."

David: "He said that he had enjoyed the time with you very much."

David's watch beeped again. They started running. The crowd had thinned out. They were on a bike path that cut through the beach. The sand left and right was radiating out the heat of the glaring sun. Their t-shirts were soaked with sweat. Most people were wearing sun visors. They had forgotten to bring theirs.

Susie: "I got a head ache."

David: "There is a medical station coming up. Get an aspirin. I'll meet you at the finish. I have a lot more energy to burn and only three miles are left to the goal line."

Susie: "Okay."

David's legs and arms went flying as he took off. The medical tent had a few portable toilets in front of it. A line of ten people stood in front of it going sideways to avoid blocking the race. Four women were waiting for attention. One got ice applied to her knee. Another one was waiting for a man to search through a medical cabinet. A guy was lying on his back with a bag of ice. The woman with the stroller was still ahead of her. The couple with the red balloons and the painted '13' were quite a bit ahead. A topless muscular Asian guy passed her with the black long haired girl friend in close tow. She passed a couple of heavy set house wives with soccer ma t-shirts waddling along and chatting. A guy yelled at a gal ahead of him: "Let me see your sweaty ass."

Eventually, the finish line came close. High fences left and right narrowed the path from a wide two lane road down. The occasional cheer of bystanders, clapping, and nose making had turned into a constant roaring. The quiet landscape had given to rows of people starring behind the fences on either side. A disabled traffic light towered about them. All there was to see was the goal line. A crowd of yellow dressed people grabbed her timing device from her shoe, stuffed a medal in her hand, and an aluminum blanket in her other. Someone with a red/green vendor shirt tried to stuff a bottle with smart water under her arm. More yellow people were pushing white plastic bags with goodies in her direction. David grabbed her: "Let's get out of this circus." He walked her through the throng of family, supporters, and friends piling around the finish line. He stepped into the road ahead of her.

Susie: "Oh my god, David!"

Exposed

David's lips were cracked and had dry flaky flaps hanging off of them. A clear tube went out of the crook of his arm to a nick and further up to a saline back with undisturbed surface. The plastic thing taped to his right middle finger had come partially undone. His head had two Velcro strips running across them at the forehead and chin. A Styrofoam cradled his head. The thin white sheet across him had been twisted and was stuck on the corner of one bed. The left knee made the support for a nice sheet tent. The hairy right knee was bared. Kate entered the room and looked beneath the pitched triangle of his right knee and saw his right testicle.




Mojave Road



She looked at the instruction paper that sternly warned in red letters: "If there is any doubt about the quality of care of family members, staff nurses will take over and the full room rate instead of the self service rate will be applied for the entire hospital stay." The paper told her to get a plastic bowl with a smaller bowl, soap, a pair of latex gloves, a red towel for washing, and a white towel for drying. In bold letters it warned to check the water temperature carefully and twice, especially for unconscious patients.

Kate: "This is going to be a bit uncomfortable. Though, that's what friends are for, especially in a time of need."

David: "Don't worry, I am getting out today."

She snapped on the latex gloves. The powder puffed a little cloud into the air. She lifted the hospital sheet. David lay straight and naked. She lifted his first leg with and cradled it in her left arm, as she diligently wetted the red towel and swiped all around his leg. Then, she lathered with soap. Tiny bubble streaks formed. She wiped with the red towel. The bubble streaks went partially into the towel and partially stayed on his leg, getting pushed across the leg like snow by a snow plow. After the third wipe, she gave up on the last bubbles and finished them with the dry white towel.

When she moved higher, she paused. David's eyes peered down to her vacant hands. All he could see were his cheek bone.

David: "I can't see there. Do you mind giving me a hand with it?"

She lifted his penis between her two fingers and wiped the soapy wet red towel around the base.

David: "You know guys with foreskin, tend to collect stuff under there. Could you..."

She squeezed the tip of his dick in one hand, as she rolled down the foreskin. And, then pushed the red towel down his shaft. Then, she neatly rolled the foreskin back up, tugging on his penis. She placed his penis on the nest of hair around his balls. The penis fell lifeless to the side. She arranged it lying up towards his stomach instead. She looked at the member for a moment lovingly. Then, she bent over and stole a kiss. She blushed. She looked at David's face for a second, before she looked away. She saw the hospital hallway and quickly jumped to pull the curtain.

David: "Oh, Jesus. Well, it already happened."

As she rinsed out the towels in the small bathroom, she saw the doctor walking in with the chart. She came out.

David whispered: "Kate. Kate."

The doctor was deeply involved in studying the chart.

Kate: "Okay, I'll go."

David whispered intently: "No, Kate, please."

She saw the tent that had formed in the middle of the thin hospital sheet. The thing nearest to her hand was her leather jacket, which she dropped on James' loin.

Doctor: "Great news! You'll be fine in a couple of months. You don't need surgery or any of these straps. You can take it all off. And, the head nurse will see you with the discharge papers in about two hours."

As soon as the doctor was out o the room, Kate said: "Let's get your ass out of bed and have a little exercise walking down the ward."

David unsnapped all of the straps swiftly. He pulled on the restraints of the bed and lifted up his chest. He got the legs dangling down opposite to Kate. And, he slowly made a step forward. His hospital gown was hanging untied and wide apart over his back with his toned ass widely exposed. Kate saw the balls and penis dangling down from her vantage point of sitting in a chair.

Kate: "That ass does like fresh air!"

Kate's Job

"I told the sysadmin to re-install the mail server. An hour later the e-mail still didn't work, and I found out that instead of doing it, he had gone to another colleague. That colleague had re-installed the mail server for him. Even then, he was unable to follow the full instructions and re-initialize the certificates. I wrote him a note with the detailed steps. Then, I had to leave, because I was late for evening class. Oh, the instructor was so pointless today. Why did I even go? When I got home after ten, and logged into the company e-mail, I find an e-mail from him to the whole group. He had written that he had done all that he could and outbound e-mail was still not working. My boss was on the list as well and had replied that he should re-initialize the certificates. An hour later, an e-mail had come back saying that was all he needed to know to fix the problem. Arggh!"

Kate dug her head into James' chest as she held onto him and the tears were streaming down her red face. He held her for a while, then he gently peeled himself out.

James: "Kate, I have just the thing for you. Come with me."

He went over to the refrigerator, rummaged a bit around until he found a rolled up plastic bag. Then, he pulled her along to the balcony. She stood there leaning on one leg, holding her right elbow and wiping down some of her tears. Under a plastic chair, he found a paper bag of coal that was hiding a plastic tube beneath it with water in the bottom. He peeled some of the herb out of the plastic bag and stuck it into a nozzle at the top of the plastic tube. He clicked a lighter a few times and inhaled hard from the top of the glass tube, spreading his lips out inside to seal the hole.

James: "Try."

Kate: "How do I do it?"

James: "Just inhale."

The water in the tube bubbled as she inhaled.

Kate: "I don't feel anything. How am I supposed to do it?"

James: "Do it one more time."

The water blubbered again and then a coughing reflex over came her. James secured the pipe, while she bent over and away.

James: "You are going to get it good. Let's sit on the couch."

Kate: "I don't feel anything different."

James: "Just wait. What else has happened today?"

Kate: "Last time, my assistant had so many questions. So, I spent two hours to write it all down for her in detail, so that I wouldn't have to do it again. When I walked by her desk in the afternoon and asked, how things were going, she told me that something wasn't working. When I asked her, if she had looked at my troubleshooting step, would you believe it, she answered that she hadn't looked at my instructions, because they were so long. I showed her, the page with what she had to do. She just said 'oh' and I thought about, how she had wasted half day, when it should have already been done."

James: "That sucks."

Kate: "It really bugs me, but right now, I just don't care anymore."

She leaned a little more onto James and put her head on his chest. Her hair tingled his nose a little bit. He sniffed her shampoo. Then, he looked down at her feet on the glass coffee table. She was still wearing her high heels. The soles were made of basal that felt nice on the skin. A black skinny strap curved over her toe. Two other straps spiraled up in parallel around her ankle and connected on her calf. The arch of her foot was beautifully formed, the feet were a bit moist. She had purple toe nails with wet looking nail polish over it. Her little toes looked a bit chubby.

The sun light flooded the plus, seeping through the blinds, and the balcony door. Everything looked a bit oversaturated like in a movie. Kate was still leaning on James and James was still sitting slouched on the couch and sleeping. She asked, if she could drive. Then, she got her stuff and left. There were some food bars left over in the car, which she ate. The roads were still empty from the Saturday morning, as she made her way home.

Fat Man's Misery

Susie: "Food -- check"

Kate: "Karabiners and belay devices -- check"

James: "Rope -- check. Let's go."

The morning sun was about to break above the horizon. The landscape that was purely black, when they arrived last night, was no clear: Trees, red/white mountain faces. The chill air made their faces rosy and their nipples perky. Kate's bikini's bow tie stood over her shirt. It was yellow and green. Susie stood there with a large white helmet, which made her look a bit dopey. James was adjusting his black knee pads and gloves. Kate shifted her backpack and did little jumps in places.

Kate was the first to slide in between the rock wall sideway. Her butt rubbed against the even yet sandy surface. Her feet pressed firmly against the opposite rock wall. She looked up at the outside of the slot that was maybe twenty feet higher. She looked down at her backpack that was hanging from a rope down between her legs. It vaguely looked like a YouTube video, where an Indian man hangs heavy weights from his penis. The wall curved back and force as she followed it: "It is not that bad."

Next time Susie wanted to go ahead. Behind her were thirty minutes down a slot canyon. In front of her was a gaping hole and a little water fall of six feet. She tucked her helmet a little tighter. She bent her knees and stuck her butt out to get a look over it: "Where is the rope? (pause) No rope here? I can't do it. (pause) I want to go back. (pause) You go first."

Susie looked down to James and Kate, who were both wet from head to toe. Susie was holding onto the rock wall next to her, as the stream of water carried on falling into the water filled canyon belly beneath.

James: "You can do it. The water is pretty deep. It won't hurt you."

Kate: "Come on, we are here for you. Let go."

Susie started crying.

James: "Take a deep breath. Let's breathe together."

Susie: "Okay, I am coming."

Her body fell heavy into the water. She paddled towards the exit of the pool. Green algae sponges were floating in the water. She shrieked as she touched the first one.

The next plunge followed immediately. This one was 20 feet down the canyon. A tree was 25 feet back. A rope ran from there to Kate's harness, as she walked across the edge of the plunge and leaned out to reach the far side, where bolt had been injected into the rock. James threw her the second rope to attach to the bolt. Then, he walked back to the tree to remove the knot and spool up the rope. Susie sat on a rock quietly and observed them.

Kate tugged on the rope down the sheer drop off to move it into a better place. James leaned over to check her work.

Kate: "When I was in third grade, there was this girl in the school yard. She always cheated with the rope jumping. When she won against me, I punched her in the nose. I was so mad that all I wanted to do was go after her. A teacher broke us up."

James: "When I was in fifth grade, the teacher came and started writing a sentence on the blackboard. The sentence kept continuing into one side sentence after the next. It was something like 'the person who had done x, when y had happened to x, who blabla'. I started laughing without holding back. About two lines before the sentence would have filled the whole board, a phrase seemed familiar to me. With a shock, I realized that I had written that sentence during the last language exam. I had a strong desire to disappear into thin air, when the teacher made that an example out of it. He added that an actual student had written that sentence during the last exam! I was so embarrassed."

Kate: "The rope is ready to rappel. I believe the honors are yours this time."

During lunch time, their clothes were soaked with cold water. And, the air was getting hot from the lack of air movement in the narrow canyon and the rocks hitting up in the sun. James stepped from the shade into a sunny spot and back before settling in the shade on the floor. Susie gave him his food in a water proof zip loc back and started to munch her own zip locked back. Kate finished rolling up the rope and arrived shortly later at the picnic spot. She got her Ziploc back and stared at it for a while. 

There was some sand on the bottom. Her sandwich was rather soggy. The pickle floated in the water that filled half of the bag. Perhaps, the chocolate bar was still salvageable. Then she studied her lunch again in opposite order. Susie looked over at her: "Ooops. Did that bag come undone during the trip?" Susie looked at her sandwich that consisted of a last byte: "You could have the rest of my sandwich." James threw his chocolate bar at Kate.

They packed up and waded through the next part of the canyon.

Susie to James: "Do you think, we'll meet other people here?"

James: "Last time that I checked, we were the only ones with a permit for today."

Susie walked a bit ahead of them and found an angled plunge. She sat her pack down on a rock. Then, she took of her top, placed it into the water and watched, how it slowly floated towards the plunge. Then it speed up down the plunge and started going in circles where the water dropped into the pond below. She pulled her bikini top over her had and let it follow. Her bikini top started to roll up as she pushed it down her thigh, over her knees, and got a bit stuck around the boots. Both followed down the path as they watched her clothes like children's paper ships. Kate and James stopped and observed her.

Next, she put down her naked and pale butt and slid down the plunge with a cheer of happiness. She let herself drift feet ahead through the pond beneath. Her knees and breast poked out of the shallow water. Finally, she found a place under a tiny side canyon that drizzled water onto her face and body from high above. She lay there with her arms stretched out. Her gaze went motionless up to where the drops and sunlight came down into the canyon from. Her knees were slightly bent. Her belly with thin and had seen a bit of exercise to show the side contour of her abs. Her boobs had become flatter as they were lying flat on her chest.

James: "I may have tugged away another food bar. Let's take a rest and let her have her fun."

James heard a sheep bleating next to him. When he turned around, he found a small frog. The round belly of the frog enlarged and another sheep bleating sounded. The frog was of sand paper color with darker spots. The fingers and toes were white with round suction cups at the end of them. He knocked his elbow into Kate's rib. Before she could find the frog in between all the rocks, a plop sounded announcing that the frog had jumped down into the pond.

James: "They are called canyon tree frogs, even though they spend rarely any time in trees."

Eventually, the slot canyon joined with a wider canyon. The track turned into a hike through water. Tourists joined them with wide brimmed hats and jeans. A mother tried to walk her head to toe wet sun away from her by holding his hand out. Two young girls had wet t-shirts clinging to them.

Susie stopped walking: "James, how many more last turns must we walk before the car?"

James: "I could carry you for a bit."

Kate took James' backpack and strapped it to her chest. As James picked her up, she added: "I am so frubbly for you."



Mojave



A shimmering vision, like a psychedelic cinema, of us lying IN one another on a neon beach at the water's edge as a mountainous hot wave arches over us, then crashes down. The wave becomes the scalding lava as we knew it would, and in that searing flood we are dissolved at once.

Pain! My life and soul I feel gushing hotly from me. Agony. Our bodies are afire; lightning crackling from me, deep into her body, out to each of her nerve endings. 

I realize with a shutterblink of shock that we are DYING now; this is death. We cry out and clutch one another: I hear from trillions of light-years distance - billions of spirits and beings and galaxies away - my own hoarse groan and her final desperate convulsive sob. We are melting through the blanket, into the sand; into the ancient layered rock beneath. Burning into the core of the earth.

And then the cosmos hurtles apart in a blinding, rending flash of flame, and a peal of apocalyptic rolling thunder like the canyons and mountains of an ancient planet falling into chaos and ruin. 

The last echoes of the death and rebirth of the universe echo back from a trillion miles away in the void.....

Our deaths, and the deaths of all; then peace. Oblivion. 

We awaken a little in another more familiar world as the heat of the dying fire ebbs, damply entangled in one another's arms and legs like a pair of sleeping kittens. There is sand on my lips; her sweet scent on my lips, too. I stroke her satiny abdomen, her nipples with my fingertips; cup her vagina in my hand to feel her heat and wetness: hers and mine; ours. My finger glides slickly into her, and Wendy sighs and mutters something softly as I cover us with the blanket. Her eyelids flutter heavily; then mine, too. Sleep comes again at once.

* * * * *

Morning. The sun is up over the faded roof of the old Wagoneer, lovingly nudging us toward wakefulness. Sounds. 

Clink! Giggles. 

I sit up and the blanket falls away from my shoulders. I feel faint, slightly nauseated, and disoriented for a moment. Wendy moans, and without waking, strokes my leg with her fingertips. A shadow falls over us as Marta, smiling shyly, brings to me and puts in my hand a steaming cup of aromatic coffee, a hint of cinnamon and bourbon. I sip it, burning my tongue a little at first. Nothing has ever tasted so good before. 

This desert world, ours; hemmed in by mountains and bright blue sky, is clean, sharp, and colorful. Nothing has ever looked so good before. I stand and stretch, the warm sun caressing my body. 

Tae Ho Quan Hotel, Singapore. March 1987